#I just feel like sleeping all the time and avoiding EVERYTHING

[dante-mightdie]

Not enough suffering. I need to cry.

The boys just continue to pretend that reader no longer exists. Becoming more of a fly on the wall then a roommate they occasionally fuck.

Soon they just leave you out of everything, dinner? There was not even leftovers for reader, no scrapes left either.

Reader won't leave because they will soon come back around tho right? >:')

god I just love PAIN

c/w: neglect, angst, no happy ending in this one, brief mentions of sex

it becomes a very depressing and very predictable pattern from them. wake up, avoid you then go to sleep. even when they speak to you, they’re never saying much. normally just a reminder that you left dishes in the sink or something mundane

you held out hope for the first few days, especially when simon came slinking over to you one night in the kitchen, bending you over the counter and having his way with you. his rough hands and fast pace made your heart swell solely because you missed having one of them even touch you

but when he just buckled up his trousers and left without a word, you realise you’re still on time out

sometimes you’re asleep before they get home, locked up in the spare room as you sniffle into your pillow. they don’t even come to check on you and you begin to wonder what conclusion they came to on your whereabouts. do they even know you’re at home? do they care?

every day of the month, you and the boys are supposed to set aside a night to go out for a date. seems your invite was lost in the post when you see them all dressed up, talking amongst themselves about the pub they’re going to

“can I come?” you ask, standing in the doorway and playing with your fingers nervously. the laughing and chattering stops instantly, all four heads turning to you as if they didn’t even know you were there. you know what the answer is going to be before any of them say anything

“you won’t like this place. it-“ john starts, and you know he’s about to list off some lazy excuse as to why you won’t like it. as if that was even the point. you don’t go on date nights with them for the actual drinks or decor. you go to spend time with them but they clearly didn’t want you there so you simply wouldn’t go

“whatever.” you mumble, rolling your eyes and turning to leave what was once your shared bedroom so they don’t see the tears in your eyes. you slam the door to the spare bedroom, throwing yourself onto the mattress and sobbing into the pillow

you hear a light tap on the door before it opens. you cease your crying almost instantly, keeping your back turned towards the door. your heart rate picks up and that sick familiar feeling of hope crawls its way back into your chest, “we weren’t saying you can’t come with us. come if you want just don’t make us wait around forever whilst you get ready.”

the sound of kyle’s voice fills the room but you can tell he doesn’t really want to be speaking to you, like simon or the captain told him to come do some damage control so you wouldn’t throw a strop about not being invited. you keep your back turned to him, nuzzling your head further into the pillow

“jus’ go without me.” you sniffle, “it’s not like you really want me there anyway.”

kyle sighs at your words and you hear your door softly click close and everyone’s feet shuffling downstairs before they go out the front door, leaving you alone again

#mw2 #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x reader #captain john price #john price #john price x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick #soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #john mactavish x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #poly!141

[redr0sewrites]

Loki x reader General Hcs

this was... spontaneous! but i said i'd write for marvel and theres no better time than the present. PLEASE send in marvel requests🙏

🥀Cw: fluff, smut, switch!loki, little teensy bit of angst if u squint

🥀minors dni with the nsfw portion

sfw:

loki is a naturally guarded person, and is very intelligent and clever. he's not one to let his guard down easily and isn't used to dealing with true romantic feelings, so you are obviously very special to him

loki is incredibly intelligent and good at reading people, along with being very charismatic. he's used to charming people to get his way, and he very, very rarely shows his true feelings unless he trusts you. he cares a lot about your opinion, and a part of him really, really wants to please you

at first, it's hard for even loki to tell whether his feelings for you are genuine, and he gets completely tongue tied around you. he wants to be around you all the time, and he admires you a lot

when it comes to actually dating loki, please be patient!!! he will only truly begin to let his guard down around you over time, and he believes that you'll only find him irritating. he definitely has a big "hurt them and push them away before they hurt you", type of mentality, and when he first realizes how much he cares for you he will probably avoid you for a little

everyone knows loki loves attention, and that is no different in a relationship. he is both touch starved and touch disgusted as he doesn't want to appear vulnerable, but craves any sort of intimacy that you offer

very thoughtful, and he remembers every little detail about you. you mention how much you like a certain candy? you miraculously find those candies in your room. you tell him about an important event coming up that you're stressing about? he reminds you about it the day before. you tell him your favorite gemstone? well, you better believe that every piece of jewelry he gives you includes that gem. loki knows your favorite song, your favorite book, your favorite movie, and any and everything else about you that he deems important. you live rent free in his mind 24/7

loki loves matching with you, and he loves when you wear his signature colors. he's always complimenting you and your style, and his heart flutters a little when you ask him what he's wearing for an important event coming up so that you two can coordinate

i don't even think i can pick a love language for him, he loves giving and receiving any form of affection and you two are probably attached at the hip

HE WOULD PASS THE ORANGE PEEL TEST. loki is absolutely the type to lace up your shoes for you, making a corny joke about how he "doesn't want you falling for anyone else". he uses magic to help you a lot, and especially loves your guys' night routines

loki is nooot a morning person, and loves snuggling with you. whenever you both have to get up in the morning he's always pulling you back into bed, nuzzling into your neck and begging for "five more minutes". he's also always very groggy in the morning and won't remember most of what he does when half asleep. he's very honest as well, and says lots of sappy things whenever he's sleepy. on the rare occasion that you sleep in later than him, he loves kissing you awake and pressing kisses all over your fave!

loki naturally runs very cold, but doesn't feel cold if that makes sense. to you his skin is absolutely FREEZING, but he just feels normal. however there are times where he runs insanely hot and there is absolutely no in between. he's either freezing or burning up, and it's both a little sad and a little amusing. there are times where the cold gets to him and loki will be more clingy than usual, claiming that he needs you to warm him up. other times he will practically walk around naked, too overstimulated and hot to even touch you

loki is a lot more anxious then he seems, and will sometimes just freak out over little things when in reality its a bunch of big things piling up one after another. he never ever means to take it out on you, and even when he's reached his limit he would never hurt you, but it can still be frustrating when he gets mad at you for a simple mistake. he always apologizes and takes accountability tho, and is very careful not to hurt your feelings bc he's very afraid you'll leave him. PLEAAASEEE REASSURE HIM :((((

loki is very chatty and loves talking to you about anything and everything. from in depth psychological conversations to simple "how was your day" conversations, he just cherishes getting to be able to talk to you

nsfw

look me in the eyes and tell me he's not a switch. i definitely see him as being capable of both being a dom and a sub, and i think it really depends on your guys' moods

when he's a dom, i think loki can fluctuate on how mean or rough he is. i do see him being a more degrading or rough dom but i also think he can be a lot softer as well, and more of a pleasure dom. again, i think it all comes down to your preferences

when he's a sub, loki is definitely bratty. he loves being put in his place and getting a little roughed up, but there are also times where he just wants to relax and be taken care of. when he gets in his own head too much and is irritated after a long day he'll be a lot more pliant and willing to just let you take care of him. PLEEEASSSE praise him and pamper him when he's like this, he'll melt like putty in your hands

PRAISE + DEGRADATION!!! BOTH WAYS!!!! he absolutely has a huge praise kink and definitely praises you a looot during sex, but i also see him being a bit mean with his praise and mixing in some degrading words as well. either way he's a wonderful dirty talker and he probably has a voice kink too, considering how often he whispers in your ear (and enjoys it when you do the same).

i also think loki would be into bondage, again, both ways. theres something so delicious about seeing you tied up and squirming from just his gentle touches, but it's equally intoxicating for him to be the one tied up and denied any sort of pleasure. he gets really whiny when you don't let him touch you, and will probably start pouting and begging. tying him up is defff one of the easiest ways to break him

guys hear me out but a candle wax kink. loki is very respectful and will always ask your permission before trying something new, but he loves seeing you whimper and moan while he slowly lets a few drops of wax spill onto your smooth skin. he also will let you return the favor, and the wax often hisses and steams a bit when it hits his skin because he's so cold.

marking you is definitely very appealing to him, and it's pretty self explanatory. loki just loves marking you and being marked up by you. it satisfies his slightly possessive and jealous side, and you two always look like you've been in a fight after having sex from the number of bruises, scratches, and hickies littering your body.

another relatively self explanatory kink, but, hair pulling. he looooves it when you pull his hair while he gives you head

loki is a major tease, and he loves teasing you in public settings where you can't do much about it. it will go from subtle things like placing a hand on your lower back or caressing your thigh to whispering absolute filth in your ears and making out with you in the bathroom. he is always trying to rile you up bc he knows damn well that it will lead to a night of rough sex

we all know loki's a shapeshifter and genderfluid, so i absolutely hc that he can change his physical body to match his gender. if he's feeling more feminine, he LOVES when uou eat him out. facesitting is def something he enjoys and he loooves riding your face SOO MUCH.

loki is very vocal, he def whines and moans a lot. he isn't shy about letting you know how good he's feeling. he knows how much his voice affects you and will whisper the filthiest things in your ear between moans as you fuck him senseless

aftercare is v important to him, and whether or not he's subbing really affects how exhausted he is afterwards. if he dommed he knows he can be pretty rough and he'll run a bath for you both before getting a towel to wipe you clean and then carrying you to the tub. i also think he'd prioritize keeping you well hydrated and would get you some water and food after the bath. loki is very clingy after sex and would want you as close as possible.

when he subbed tho, it's a totally different story. loki will be a clingy mess from the moment you finish, just whining and cuddling against you the whole time. depending on how deep into subspace he is and how groggy he is, he might even cry if you try to get up (even if you're just going to get water or a towel or sum) bc he thinks you're leaving him :(. he's pretty vulnerable after subbing and will probably just lay with you for a while before coming down from his high. once he's mostly calm and cognizant, he'll def want to clean up pretty quickly. he doesn't like feeling sticky and gross and also loves bathing with you!! overall he's a lot softer after sex and generally just wants to be near to you

RAHHHH I LOVE HIM SMMM!!!! he's so silly lmao this post got sooo long 💀 i also lowkey feel like im shadowbanned or something cuz like all of my posts have been majorly flopping recently :/ maybe im just not in a lot of active fandoms idk but!!!! anyways!!!!! hope u enjoyed!!!!!!! PLEEEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND IN REQUESTS FOR MARVEL, ATSV, OR ANH OTHER FANDOM I WRITE FOR!!!

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader smut #loki fluff #loki smut #loki laufeyson #loki series #loki #loki x female reader #loki x f!reader #loki x male reader #loki headcanons #loki hc #loki hurt/comfort #loki odinson #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson x you #marvel loki #loki god of mischief #loki marvel #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel x you #marvel x y/n #marvel x men #marvel smut #marvel fluff #marvel headcanons

[lilyisclueless]

When they realize they’re in love - Geto Suguru

How I imagine the boys get hit with the realization that they love you. This one is for Suguru, but I eventually will do the others <3

Pairing: Geto Suguru x reader

Tags: Fluff, mentions of/implied depression

It was a few months ago when it all started. You came to him randomly one day, greeting him with a soft knock on his door before he allowed you in. He remembers almost ignoring the quiet tap tap tap but couldn’t bring himself to when he heard your angelic, timid voice. It was so unlike you to be so nervous, and despite the turmoil he was going through, he was worried.

You walked through his doors, nervously shuffling your feet as you avoided his gaze. You seemed so nervous, and he had no idea what until your words took him by surprise.

“Can… Can we cuddle? I’ve been feeling bad lately and I don’t know… if it’s okay, of course.”

How could he have refused you back then? With your cheeks a little red and shyly glancing up at him? And when he asked why him, why not Satoru, you scoffed, as if he offended you by the mere suggestion. Then you told him that you felt safe with him, and you knew he wouldn’t tease you about it or hold it against you, and he couldn’t argue with that.

It quickly became routine for the two of you to cuddle throughout the day. Any time the both of you weren’t on a mission, you were in his arms. At first, he thought he would be bothered by it, but you never spoke. You never made light conversation. The two of you enjoyed each other's company in a silent embrace. And while he was only doing it for you, a part of him needed it too after everything.

He tried not to think about it too much.

Then came the nightmares. You told him lately you’ve been having nightmares, and asked if you could stay with him. Again, how could he say no? You were on par with Satoru when it came to importance, the two of you one half to make him whole - he, himself, just an empty husk.

That was an immediate change. The first time he had you wrapped in his arms, softly breathing into his collarbone while he rested his face on the top of your hair, breathing in your sweet shampoo, it was over. He was grateful you felt the same since you came to his room on your own accord every night without him ever having to ask. Not that he would have, which is all the more reason to be grateful for you.

Part of him had been worried for you. You never spoke about what was wrong. You held yourself well, never seeming like anything was going on. Unlike him, who he felt was obvious he was falling apart by the dark circles under his eyes. You made everything more bearable, but it didn’t fix it.

At least until one night, when he thought he would have an overnight mission. He rarely did those anymore because he worried for you (and he selfishly didn’t want to sleep without you either). He managed to get through the mission a lot faster than he thought, and he came to the dorms a little before midnight. You claim that you can’t sleep without him, so he was surprised to find you snuggled up in bed and resting peacefully.

He decided he didn’t want to disturb you and left to go back to his quiet room that still smelled strongly of you. It felt so empty without you, but who was he to disturb you when you finally were able to sleep on your own? He knew eventually you would, and so he got a very, very restless sleep that night.

It wasn’t until earlier this morning he was hit with a strange realization. You’ve been lying.

It wasn’t serious or anything. You greeted him happily, surprised to see him, and told him that you missed him last night, then casually spoke about how you could barely sleep without him. You seemed pretty peaceful last night to him. You could’ve easily woken up later through the night, it wasn’t like he stood there watching you. However, maybe it was just his gut, or maybe he was just a suspicious person in general, but something told him to question you further.

He asked when you fell asleep, and you said you didn’t get any sleep until way past midnight.

He wasn’t mad necessarily. Just… confused? Perplexed? Because why lie? He later asked Shoko about your nightmares, because while you didn’t tell him things, he knew you talked to Shoko. She had no idea what he was talking about. To be fair, maybe you just didn’t talk to her either, but he highly doubted it.

So now here the two of you are, silently enjoying each other again while he tries to decipher your actions. When the two of you first started cuddling, you had been the little spoon. Somewhere along the way, you claimed that being the big spoon made you feel better. That having him lay across your chest made you feel safe, but getting to hold him and run your fingers through his hair made you feel a little less weak. Like you were protecting him. He didn’t argue with your logic, happy to oblige to anything you wanted.

So that’s how the two of you are currently; you resting against the headboard of his bed with him draped on top of you. Usually, you’d be lying on the bed with his face resting against your collarbone, but today you were in a sitting position and he was laying on his back with hush head on your lap. He was staring up at you, trying to figure you out, while you lazily ran your fingers through his hair. You’re reading a book, but you glance over it to peer down at him.

“Something on your mind?” You ask, gently pushing a strand of his hair out of his face and down with the rest of his hair.

“You don’t have nightmares, do you?” He blurts out. He didn’t mean to ask that, a part of him that he tried to ignore was scared it would all end.

You froze, your hand going stiff against his face. You stare down at him with big doe eyes, and he wonders if you would try to deny it. After a moment, you close the book you’re reading and set it aside with a sigh.

“No I don’t…”

Just like he thought. So why? Why did you tell him those excuses? It wasn’t like he was mad, but why? Before he could ask, you beat him to it.

“Please don’t be mad, I just… you’ve seemed so tired. So… gone. And anytime I tried to talk to you about it, you shut me out. And I had a feeling that I’d I asked if you needed a hug, you’d say no… so I told you I needed it instead.”

It all clicked then. He remembers the way you constantly tried to check on him. How he would always brush off your concerns, tell you ‘I’m fine’ and wave you away. It wasn’t long after that you came to him with a bad day.

It makes sense now. The way you never seemed sad. The reason why you asked to be a big spoon. How you only talked when he talked. Why you always brought his favorite snacks, and always cleaned up after - because you knew he was too depressed to keep his room clean.

You told him keeping it clean made you feel better. You told him doing laundry took your mind off things. You said you liked to cuddle in a well-made bed. It suddenly all clicked into place.

You weren’t trying to feel better and keep your mind off things. You've been taking care of him, and you had somehow convinced him that he was taking care of you.

You had been rambling for a moment now, and he vaguely heard you try to explain yourself and apologize, asking him to please not be mad. His heart was pounding so loudly that he could barely understand what you were saying. All he knew was that you looked so pretty like that; feeling guilty that you tricked him just so you could take care of him. Not because he asked. Not because you needed to. Because you wanted to. He could feel a strong prickling sensation at the corner of his eyes, his heart squeezing in his chest while the sensation of butterflies overtook his stomach - something he hadn’t felt before.

He quickly picks himself up from your lap, and you weakly protest against it, afraid that he is mad at you. Instead, he flips himself over so he is no longer on his back but instead his chest facing you. He grabs your waist, gently but firmly yanking you down into a lying position. You yelp his name in surprise, but he ignores you to instead bury his face into the nook of your shoulder. He wraps his arms around you, and he squeezes you tightly for a moment. Your arms linger above him, almost like you’re suddenly afraid to touch him.

“Can we keep doing this?” He asks, and he hates the way his voice almost cracks. He knows you could probably feel the slowly growing wetness seeping through your shirt, unable to stop the tears he’s been denying for so long. He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels so small, so broken. He knows he’s been this way for a while, but he never allowed himself to feel it like this.

Then your arms were around him again, running a comforting hand up and down his back. He accepts that it’s for him this time, and suddenly it feels so much more significant. He’s always appreciated you doing this deep down, but now? Now it feels almost healing.

“Of course. For as long as you need, Suguru. You’re not alone,” you whisper softly to him. You bury your face into his hair, and his heart leaps when you press a fleeting kiss to his soft strands.

“…And if I need you forever?” He was hesitant to say that. He’s not sure if he’s always felt this way and his emotions have just been clouding his feelings, or if the realization of how much you care about him made them suddenly appear, but saying that made it feel a little too real.

Because, fuck, he loves you.

You were quiet for a moment, and he was okay with that. Even if you didn’t care about him the way he realized he cared about you, that was fine. As long as you were near. You squeeze him a little tighter.

“I can only hope,” you mumble into his hair, and he can’t help the weak smile against your shoulder.

Maybe he would be okay. When he is, he’s going to ask you on a date.

#geto suguru #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen #geto x reader #getou suguru x reader #jjk fluff #fluff

[hazbinfallinginaspiral]

Could we get a fic where Retro's sick?

I feel like after Retro came into the Vees' lives that the trio would basically forget how to do the tasks Retro took over and enter full blown panic mode if Retro ever got sick.

Not a fic, but here’s some ideas as to how it’d go!

-When Retro gets sick, they are dying from like, everything. Remember, sea bunnies have high tolerance to poisons toxins, and I’m pretty sure, germs. Like everything else with Retro, it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s bad.

-they are super sensitive to everything. From touch, to sound, to smell, taste and seeing. The lights have to be dim.

-they hate bright lights (Vox has to dim his screen and Val’s not allowed to bring a lamp) silence will probably lead to crying, they’ll need some background noises. Static or ambience will do the trick.

-above all else? They cannot be trusted to be left alone.

-Retro wants food, but their stomach hurts. They specifically want the food that only they can cook, so they can’t even have the food they’re craving because they can’t cook because they’re sick.

-they want cuddles, hugs, and kisses but can’t have any because touching them is the equivalent to touching an actual sea bunny- which means you’ll be poisoned. Vox is the only one who’s immune because he’s biomechanical.

-They sleep walk and hum a bit, which terrifies Valentino. They’ll wander around and try to clean, but it’s just a bunch of stumbling and half hearted tunes. They try to take a shower but can’t manage on their own and end up calling Vox in for back up (He’d be watching the cameras in their room and realize when they’ve been in there for too long)

-Retro will probably be very clingy and whiny, on the verge of tears at all times. They want love and affection but they can’t have it! They just want love and snuggles. Being sick sucks.

-Alastor comes over when he finds out, much to Voxs dismay. He cooks, gets Niffty to help clean (Val is stuck in Voxs office, or leaves the tower altogether, trying to avoid her wrath) and Alastor stays with Retro a good amount of the time. He plays little show tunes and sets up a radio in their room so they always have some music or white noise to keep them company if he isn’t around.

-Vox visits as often as he can manage, trying to soothe Retro. He sings little lullabies sometimes, giving them little kisses and assuring them it’ll be okay.

-Retro likes the hum of Voxs TV static (and the noises his TV head makes in general) better than the same tunes playing on the radio on repeat. They’re grateful that Alastor is helping and was thoughtful enough to gift it to them, but the sound of Voxs static is more familiar and comforting to them.

-Velvette gets stuck with laundry, and she soon realizes why Retro is always complaining about Val’s outfits. She’s also very stressed and panicked and constantly asking Vox how Retro is holding up.

-Val is in charge of cooking and doing dishes, when Alastors not around. There are notably fewer glasses broken than usual when he’s cooking, since he’s making an attempt to keep calm and quiet so Retro can rest.

-Vox doesn’t take on many more responsibilities, he’s with Retro most of the time. If he’s forced to actually go to work, he’ll spend the entire time worrying and doing research to find out what he can do to help.

#hazbin hotel #vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #writing #vox x reader #my writing #x reader #thanks anon! #vox fanfiction #hazbin valentino #hazbin hotel valentino #valentino x reader #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin velvette #velvette x reader

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

It had been a crazy dream. The craziest dream Sirius had ever had. But oh God! How good it had felt to be kissed like that, to be touched like that.

Sirius woke up sweating from head to toes, with blushy cheeks and a very hard member.

"Toujours Pur!" The voice of his Grandmother echoed in his brain. All the awful things she had said about people like that. "Filthy people like that deserved only hell"

"Cissy boy" His Grandfather used to groan when Sirius had his hair a bit too long. "They are going to think you're a girl with that hair. Or worse. One of those..."

"A bloody ponce, that one" Orion always said about Alphard all the time "Filthy mind, filthy man. Being too much with him is going to turn you into a faggot."

"Don't cry, Sirius. You're such a pussy" Bellatrix used to tease, making her friends laugh at Sirius. He had been a kid. "Are you ever going to please a girl? Uncle and Auntie would have to pay someone to be your wife. Nancy boy!"

What would they say now? Having such a dream with none other than his best friend.

It was common for teenage boys to fantasize. Sirius had heard many times how James had dreamt about Evans. Even teased him when he whispered things in his sleep. James talked about Evans' body a lot. And loved to stare when the girl wore a tight blouse or a short skirt.

And Peter had fantasies about many girls from his magazines. Even girls at Hogwarts he found hot. He kept posters of sexy birds in bikinis and stared at girls in P. E. all the time. The boys teased him for that.

Now, Remus... Sirius had never heard of Remus's fantasies. If he fantasized at all. Who did he think about? Was it boys or girls? Sirius hadn't even think about it. Remus was just Remus. Moony. Sirius’s friend. Sirius’s confident. So sweet and funny and tender.

Now out of nowhere, Remus had been in Sirius’s dream. And what a dream. Not like his best friend. Someone who made Sirius see stars. Someone who Sirius had desired and found absolutely sexy. Someone he wanted to do nasty things to.

He couldn't get that image of Remus's face with red cheeks, his lips wet in anticipation and that hair... Uff... Those curls were wild above his head. Sirius had wanted to pull it and ran his fingers through it.

Now the next morning all Sirius felt was shame. His mind had been playing a real trick with him.

Sirius had to admit he had imagined women in his mind. Usually just body parts he got from magazines. Never with an specific face, color of hair, color of eyes. No one real to fantasize about. Not even with his last girlfriend Julie, Sirius had dreamt of such filthy things.

So why did Remus... REMUS... had to appear like that?? Sirius was going insane.

"What's wrong, Padfoot?" Remus asked when Sirius made an excuse when he asked him to go for a cigarette.

"What?" Sirius was busy 'looking' for something on his bag. Only not to stare into those eyes.

"You've been weird all morning" Remus said "You've been avoiding me... Are you angry? Have I done something wrong?"

Sirius looked up only because he heard desperation in Remus's voice. He looked confused. And very cute with those pouty eyes.

"No, of course not" Sirius faked a smile "Sorry... Have a lot of things on my mind. I didn't sleep well last night".

Because I was dreaming about you, Moony.

His cheeks burnt only remembering it.

Sirius wondered how well Remus kissed. If he would feel the dry skin of those lips. If it would be soft to ran his fingers through that hair. If his skin was warm and if those hands could touch his skin in that way...

Fuck! What was wrong with Sirius? Was he blushing?

Faggot, faggot, faggot...

Sirius was only confused. Ever since what happened that summer. Everything with his Uncle. The confused thoughts. The confused feelings. Sirius was only probably going insane.

Sirius couldn't like Remus. Not only because he was a boy. But because they were best friends. Sirius didn't want to ruin what they had. They had found each other again just recently. Sirius didn't want to lose him.

And honestly speaking, Remus deserved better than whatever mess Sirius was.

Faggot, faggot, faggot... Coward!

"Sirius? Sirius!!" Remus snapped his fingers in front of his nose. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Sirius was an idiot.

"I asked if you were going to Biology with the others"

"You're not going?"

Remus tapped the cigarettes' pack.

"Popping out for one first. You said you didn't want to come"

Sirius was just confused. He had to drown whatever he was feeling. It had been just a dream. And dreams were crazy sometimes.

Sirius smiled "You know what? I think I'm gonna go with you. God knows I need a fag right now..." a pause "A cigarette, I mean!!" he added quickly feeling ashamed of what that could have meant.

Remus stared. If he found something odd with Sirius, he didn't say. Even though Sirius noticed the caramel tone of his eyes.

"Okay" Remus shrugged in amusement.

"Let's go" Sirius nodded.

As they went, Sirius thought it was alright. One time, he heard how Rick Stevens had a crazy dream about how McGonagall slashed him in the tush for being nauthy. "She even wore a spandex" he had said. The guy was teased for several weeks after that. He had even been called "cat whisperer" for a while by the Rugby Team.

Dreams were messy and weird all the time. Sirius was probably going to forget about it when he found a hot bird to fantasize about next.

Moony was special. He was very important for Sirius. So probably that part of his brain used him. But Sirius knew that Remus was always going to be his best friend. And that was it.

Sirius hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't kissed him or touched him. So he wasn't guilty of sin. And he would never be.

#Obviously inspired by the song Guilty as Sin by Taylor Swift #That song is so Sirius Black having a gay crisis #marauders #maraudersera #muggleau #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #guilty as sin? #the tortured poets department #taylor swift

[miniscule-meow]

Isabell and the Lads CH 2: The Healing Process (2.6)

Masterpost Wordcount: ~1.7k First Part | Last Part | Next Part (eventually)

---

A rhythmic tapping rouses her from her sleep.

Her eyes peel open to find a familiar darkness surrounding her. She could almost convince herself she is back home and that she isn’t living out her biggest nightmare. Almost.

“Isabell?” Zeke’s voice, though gentle, shatters the dream of her being back in the walls, where she belongs. “Are you up?”

“Yeah, I’m up,” she calls out groggily. She must have been in a pretty deep sleep if his footsteps didn’t wake her up before he got to her, she doesn't like the thought of a human being able to sneak up on her.

Isabell sighs, raising her arms in an attempt to stretch, and she’s met with aching ribs and sharply protesting limbs. So that’s how it’s gonna be. As gently as possible, she maneuvers herself into a sitting position, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She has to pause here, the pain in her body has officially caught up with her. She thought there was a chance she could sleep all of this off, but as it stands right now, everything just feels worse. She takes another breath, deep enough for her ribs to flare their complaints. She’s been awake for maybe thirty seconds and she already wants to cry.

Instead, she grits her teeth and stands out of the bed, testing her leg. She doesn’t need to put much weight on it to know that it is not happy. She’ll need to stay off of it as much as possible if she ever wants a chance to get out of here.

Her shelf is still nice and dim, with only a bit of light slipping in around the edges of the curtain. So, the main lights must be on out there. Turning her attention to the curtain wall, she can see Zeke’s monolithic shadow in front of her.

“I’m coming,” she says, hoping he’ll just wait for her. She doesn’t want to see his massive fingers pull back the barrier separating them.

She’s trying not to think about it, but all of this is truly only the illusion of safety. At any point the human could decide that he’s tired of waiting, that he’s tired of her. Every single moment she’s putting so much trust in him. Trust that he’ll be patient, trust that he’ll be kind, trust that he’ll be gentle. It’s trust that she simply does not have, but she has no choice.

She hobbles her way out to the open part of the shelf, clinging to the wall as much as possible in an attempt to avoid putting too much weight on her leg. She’s really going to have to do something about that.

She blinks, her eyes adjusting to the full light of the room. Her breathing catches, seeing Zeke’s massive form kneeling in front of her, his eyes trained on her. Even though she’s been interacting with these humans, seeing them, especially for the first time again, sparks an intrinsic fear inside of her.

Don’t get caught. You’ve already been caught. They can see you. Run. Hide. Escape.

She shoves the thoughts aside. This is her situation. She can’t fix it right now. The humans are helping her.

The rational thought quells her fear meager amounts at best.

“Good morning,” Zeke says, his eyes scanning over her. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’ve been better,” she says, leaning heavily against the wall. “Um, thank you, by the way. For… setting this up for me.” She gestures over to her ‘room’ behind the curtains.

“Of course. I’m glad we could find something that worked for you,” Zeke responds with a small smile gracing his features. “I was going to make some breakfast. Do you want to come out to the living room?”

Does she want to? Does she want to willingly put herself in the palm of his hand? No. Not really. Does she agree anyway, of course. That’s what the human wants, right? At this point, it’s more dangerous to disappoint him.

She nods numbly, and Zeke’s hand rests on the shelf in front of her. She feels as though she’s watching her own actions from behind her eyes, as if she were instead watching a screen. The only way her mind can rationalize a willing interaction with this human is to just disconnect herself completely.

Sure, the humans have been nice so far. But every single moment she spends with them she has to fight every one of her instincts. Her brain’s wiring just won’t stop telling her that she’s in extreme danger. Don’t get caught, don’t get caught don’t get- she’s already been caught. She needs to play by a different set of rules now. But it’s been a lifetime of fear, well deserved fear. One or two reasonable conversations with a human isn’t going to magically undo all of that.

She takes a hesitant step forward, still pushing against the wall of the shelf for support, when the hand in front of her shifts. You were taking to long. He’s run out of patience. She jolts, expecting the hand to lurch forward and snatch her up in an unforgiving fist. Instead, the massive fingers curl in on themselves, and the hand moves in the opposite direction. She looks up, finally connecting the hand to the human, and meeting Zeke’s gaze curiously.

“Sorry. I just- You know that you can say no to me, right?” His brow furrows, his green eyes taking her in. When she doesn’t respond, he continues, “I don’t want you to say yes just because you feel like you can’t say no. That isn’t… that’s not consent. I mean,” he looks away, searching elsewhere for the right words to say, “yeah, before neither of us had much of a choice about anything. It was an emergency situation, and I’m really sorry about all of that. But now you have your own space here and- I’m rambling,” he shakes his head, looking back to her, “I don’t want you to say yes to me just because that’s what you think I want. And I really don’t want you to say yes to me because you’re afraid to say no. That’s… that makes me,” he hesitates, “that makes me feel really gross,” he admits, shaking his head once more.

She hadn't considered his feelings in all of this.

Her being afraid of him makes him feel... gross? How is that even possible. She'd always been under the impression that humans relished in the fear they caused. It never occurred to her that he might be just as uncomfortable interacting with her as she is with him.

Is it possible that she's been so wrapped up in her own feelings that she's completely missed the nuance of emotions from this impossibly large being? It is just easier for her to write off everything from them as fearmongering and manipulation so she doesn't have to consider that they aren't really all that different after all?

But still, this fear that is so deeply interwoven into her being. She's had horrific run-ins with humans. She's seen their cruelty, the inflated ego of having something smaller than them that they can dominate. She's never seen a human like Zeke. Kneeling down on her level, going out of his way to help her feel comfortable, telling her how he feels? This doesn't fit in the box of humans are scary and irrational beings that she has sequestered in her mind. This simply makes no sense to her.

Even if, and it's a big if, she were to take this human at face value, and she were to let herself trust him, it's not like she can just turn her fear off with the flick of a switch. Maybe she doesn't want to be afraid anymore. But can she really turn her back on the one thing that has kept her alive all this time?

She stays hidden because she's afraid of getting caught.

She goes out borrowing because she's afraid of starving to death.

Everything she's needed to do in life, she's done because of fear. Every choice she's made has been based on what outcome she's more or less afraid of.

Now to just say, 'no, fear, I don't need you anymore.' It feels impossible.

She feels herself slipping into a circle of thought. Be afraid, but don't be afraid, but you should be afraid, but you shouldn't be afraid, but you've always been afraid, but you don't have to be afraid anymore.

She will have to try to unpack this later.

Zeke continues, “you can say no, you can obviously also say yes. It’s- I mean, that’s why I’m asking. I want to know what you want. Okay? Do you want to go out to the living room, or would you rather stay here. It’s up to you.”

She looks up at him cautiously. What does she want? She tries to do the mental gymnastics required to figure out what he wants her to want. This has to be some kind of trick, right? What does she want? A human shouldn’t be concerned about that. She fits in the palm of his hand, and he cares about what she wants? Here she is again, trying to fit Zeke into a box of what she understands humans to be, and failing miserably.

“Um, I want… um, N-no. No, I’d actually like to stay… here,” she feels as wound up as a spring, her shoulders tense rigidly. I just told a human no. She looks up at him wide-eyed, terrified she’s made the wrong choice.

Zeke just nods indifferently. It doesn’t seem like he’s upset or disappointed at all. If anything it looks like he relaxes a little bit. “Alright,” he says standing. “I’ll bring you some breakfast soon, okay?”

“Pancakes?” She asks, remembering the warm fluffy clouds he made for her yesterday.

“Yeah, I can make that happen,” he responds. She can’t see his face, but he sounds amused. He could even be smiling, a rarity from him.

With that, his footsteps retreat off into the main part of the apartment. She takes this time to drag herself back into her room. Zeke had been kind enough to put a little electric candle in the middle of the room for her. She flips the switch and the warm light flickers gently in the space. Off to the side, he had left her a bundle of craft supplies. By the time he comes back with pancakes for her, she’s crafted herself a crutch. So, even though she’s still hobbling around, she’s at least doing it with some proficiency now.

#g/t #g/t writing #g/t stories #my writing #isabell and the lads #i know yall probably want me to update literally any other story but this is where the ideas are right now #featured: zeke saying consent is key #and isabell fighting with her fears #hopefully the pay off for all this slow burn stuff will be worth it lmao

[lukecvntstellan]

do you reckon u could do a leo x reader fluff plsss 🙏

a/n: this is the first time i've written anything ____ x reader in a LOOONNNGGGGG time... forgive me if i'm rusty. don't be tooo mean i'll probably sob idk

improper grammar probably (not proofread) and written in all lowercase because i dont feel like capitalizing

---

hurt/comfort with leo valdez x reader i guesssss

---

leo had been down on himself recently. him and his significant other had been together almost a year now. as of late he had been locking himself in bunker nine, away from his friends and s/o.

leo had been drowning himself in work, alone in bunker 9, as an excuse for his loneliness. over his music he hears the door swing open, he looks up expecting to see his s/o, but is instead greeted by one of his best friends, piper mclean.

"hey, leo. we noticed you've been spending a lot of time in here... is everything okay?"

the question he knew was coming, but had been dreading.

leo unplugged his radio before saying, "yeah, piper, i've been great. just working on a big project!" trying to feign excitement over his project, which in reality was a pile of scrap metal on his desk that he wasn't quite sure what to do with.

"i'm sorry, but you're the most social out of our friend group? locking yourself in here for days is unusual. y/n has been worried about you. you haven't even spoken to them?"

"okay piper. i'm sorry. okay? i just don't know what to say. you're the only person i've opened up to before. i'm scared y/n would leave me if they knew what was happening. i can't tell them. being with me is already hard enough, i don't need to add on additional burden with the nightmares i've been having..."

despite being "closer" with jason, leo had only ever talked about his feelings with piper before. jason already had enough of his own problems, and never really noticed when leo was going through something.

ever since leo was claimed by his father he had been told by multiple people that he was fated to always be the outsider, never have a place, always the seventh wheel. those words echo through his mind constantly, never ending. because of this, having an s/o was hard. thoughts of "do i deserve this?" "are they going to leave me?" and "am i good enough for them?" were always cycling through his mind.

piper's voice cut through leo's thoughts, "i'm not the one you should be apologizing to. i think you need to talk to them. they're worried about you. do you want to tell me what's been happening first though?"

"do you remember a few months ago i told you about the dreams i had, with hera in them?"

"oh gods.. they're back?"

"yeah... i haven't been sleeping to avoid them. but now i'm so tired and i want to sleep. but i'm scared."

piper moved to give leo a quick hug. "i'm sorry that the dreams are back. i'm gonna get y/n to come talk to you. okay?"

"thanks beauty queen." (**LEOS NORMAL NICKNAME FOR HER IN THE BOOKS**)

as piper was leaving leo walked over to the bed he had made for his late nights in bunker nine, preparing for a conversation he did not want to have.

emotions weren't leo's strong suit. he always tried to be funny and cool to distract from any emotional issues that were happening. no amount of jokes could hide the dark circles under his eyes and his unbrushed hair. he looked rough.

the door opened, and y/n walked in and sat down next to leo. running their hand through his unkempt curls they asked, "are you okay, what's going on? i'm worried about you."

leo laid down, his head in y/n's lap, and their hands gently playing with his hair.

"my dreams have been really bad recently. i haven't been sleeping to avoid them. i'm so tired. i haven't been able to finish any project i've started. i can't do anything right-" leo pointed to the haphazard pile of junk on his desk.

tears started to form, leo tried to blink them away, to no success.

"i guess i've always been insecure? i've been told by hera and nemesis that i'm meant to be this outsider with no role and will always be alone and now i just feel like i don't deserve you. and all my dreams lately have just been those same words on repeat. hera standing there telling me that i'm always going to be the seventh wheel. i'm never going to find my place. i can't take it anymore."

y/n pressed a light kiss to his forehead while contemplating their words.

"leo. you realize that isn't true, right? you DO deserve me. you're not an outsider either, you have a place in our friend group. everyone there loves you. and I love you-"

"love me? you haven't said that before"

"i've been thinking it for a while"

leo couldn't hide the smile that was taking over his face. "really? i love you too, actually, i love you more." he sat up and tackled y/n down on the bed in a hug. "you can't ever leave me now, you're trapped here!" leo said through a laugh.

"you know, i wouldn't dream of it."

"i mean, you probably will. the demigod dreams go kinda crazy."

"you know what i meant, stupid."

"WHAT! you think i'm stupid?" leo protested.

"no. i didn't mean it like that and you know it."

leo shut up after that. being in the arms of his partner after not sleeping for days was making the sleepiness overwhelming. y/n noticed leo drifting off, running their hands through his hair and whispering soft "i love you's" and other sweet nothings.

this was the first night of no nightmares in a week for him :)

---

this is ASSS bc i wrote it at mostly 4am and i dont proofread. the concept is there, the execution isn't.

i love leo i think he deserves some comfort in his life PLEASE

#percy jackson #heroes of olympus #leo valdez #riordanverse #hoo #leo pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #leo hoo

[puppynosed]

ok so uhhhhh

#personal #I know I’ve been irritatingly vague about things for a good while but in all honesty I haven’t had the energy to really get into why life #got worse #pretty much over the weekend I recieved notice that I got summoned for jury duty #and as someone with EXTREME anxiety both in general and social this news did not find me well AT ALL. #I actually had an immediate breakdown as soon as my dad told me #and I’m actually still kind of pissed at him bc the way he told me kind of sounded like it was a good thing? like something I’d be excited #to do. #but anyways I’ve spent this week trying to get out of it and idek if they’re going to accept my excuse and that REALLY frightens me #this is also VERY bad bc I’d have to be at the place at 8am and typically I don’t actually go to sleep for the night until 7 these days… its #a long complicated and stupid story but yeah #I have that plus other anxieties and fears and stressors going on and while I’m practically the most overwhelmed I think I’ve been in a #while I also feel so stupid and pathetic for feeling this way bc for everyone that I’ve talked to they’ve all basically blown it off and #told me that it’s really not as big of a deal as I’ve been making it out to be #then again they don’t know about *the whole story* (no one does pretty much* #but I just like. I don’t understand I mean I know that the way that my existence came to be might say otherwise but I genuinely just don’t #get how I’m here and why it’s assumed that I could handle life #I feel like I’m just sinking and I have NOTHING left to give #I feel so weak and small to the point where I’m invisible #I just feel like sleeping all the time and avoiding EVERYTHING #the rut just keeps getting worse and worse and I’m just so fucking STUCK!!!!! #like will I actually ever get out of this and find my way through this? I really don’t know and that’s what scares me the most. #anyways I’m so sorry for being so annoying on here for all of the reblogs and stupid tags #I really just need to get better. #also I’m sorry for the awful writing my brain is a mess and it’s also hard for me w tags bc I can’t go back and proof read

[manasurge]

.

#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity #am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about #i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy #why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies #this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most #i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out #it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself #i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk #also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it- #- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop #i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me #not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE #no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me. #not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse #but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about #-everything lmao #stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse #delete later probably idk lmao

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished #and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing #or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol #inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!! #which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont #wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol #but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball #and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose #its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh #or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die #im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it #ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier #but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic #environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species #like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene #transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling. #i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt #teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff #what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready #my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol #unrelated

[regscupid]

turns out i am still mentally ill

#i’m doing so well tonight #i should have been asleep two hours ago #instead i’m thinking about everything i’ve done and not done to get to where i am now #all the things i avoided that are catching up to me #why does everything feel so big all the time #i just want to feel like a person and not a small animal #i’m making no sense #gonna try to sleep again i guess

[baekuras]

Decided I would fix my sleep schedule the same day...I downloaded Baldurs Gate 3

seeing as it is right now 6am-yeah that hasn't worked now has it

#txts #always right before i gotta go back to work #super annoying #well...got like....half a sunday left #half bc...i do need to sleep sometime actually #my goal was 2am but then i was at the spider boss #and then i took care not to agitate or kill any goblns but guess i gotta anyway bc i dont want the tiefs or druids to die #couldnt shittalk my way out w/ the drow so i killed her which means its now slaughter time ig #they sadly all have names so it feels personal which ouch #also a bear killed a child #fucked up #i say a bear to stay spoiler free for a game that had early access for 2 years #idk how far that went tho #anyhow my brain is tired and seeing as in big red dudes room they got wardrums #i am planning out on how to free the spiders asap and just storm everything #gotta check out priestess first tho #or if i could avoid all this by freeing the imprisoned goblin #much to think about #my braincells....are....so low #a LOT has happened in game #so i'll nap and then go back t the last hours of joy till october...aka next vaction time

[pepprs]

ok update i just finished making my card and i said / drew (lol) basically everything i wanted to say in it (except for the things i definitely can’t say now that this is happening lol). so i think maybe i might be ok with not saying what i want to say directly to her. but then when i say that im not ok with it at all LOLLLL so i think i need to sleep on it and maybe see what tomorrow brings

#purrs #sobbed hysterically writing the message and that was like 4 hrs ago (yeah.) and im still like dizzy and puffy eyed from it. i am not having #a good time lol. and it’s only going to get more intense this whole week and i don’t know if i can handle it. ive been overstimulated / #sleep deprived for like 2 straight days bc yesterday i was doing everything in my power to avoid thinking abt it and today i was doing #everything in mt power TO think abt it including being subjected to things that were hard and ofc the walk being a flop kinda lol. but omg. #mutuals i know it’s so deeply cringe but i have been vagueposting abt my work life since before i even got the fucking job. i know i look #mentally ill about it and i definitely am but my colleagues past and present are my best friends and my number 1 reason to be alive #actually. so this is just. idk. this feels very……. especially when this is someone who was never supposed to leave this suddenly. who i thou #thought i had years and years left with. and it’s just over like that and we have to say goodbye and i know it’s not even that big of a move #but it’s actually killing me. like physically. that this is happening rn. i don’t know what the fuck im going to do. and we aren’t even f #gonna be able to grieve openly at all but we are grieving and she doesn’t even.. like idk. maybe it just hasn’t occurred to her that we are. #but we literally are and its soooooooo bad. it’s so bad. i feel like im having a bad dream every day. i already felt like nothing was real #anymore and this helped abt -50000% with that sensation. like wtf is going on rn. she’s LEAVING. ON FRIDAY. FOREVER. FUCK! #but uh yeah the point is i do want to talk to her and if it was anyone else i would. but when it comes to emotional stuff and being honest #w each other abt how one makes the other feel… we are incompatible im afraid. she doesn’t want to talk abt it and all i want to do is talk b #but im shy and weak so i cave and just do everything in my power to give her what she needs and then i feel shattered for the rest of the #day / week / whatever. it fucking sucks and im not like that w anyone else in my little irl world (except my p*rents ofc LMAO) but it’s like #onmgggggg. can we please just talk abt how it is so painful you are doing this and comfort each other in it somehow. LOL! like i am in so mu #much pain i can’t even speak and she didn’t even look at me when i flicked my eyes over to her during the silences. CRINGE! girl she doesn’t #care about you 😭😭😭😭 except she does. idk. it’s just sooooo. idk. my brain is not right it hasn’t been since i got the news. i think im dying #delete later #OMG ALSO it is now the wee hours of july 26 which means that 3 yrs ago right abt now i did something so very stupid that made me have my #first very bad breakdown ever and it led to me realizing i needed counseling again. so maybe in the spirit of this anniversary i will do #this stupid thing (of asking to talk and then saying what i want to say even though i wrote it out) and then have a very bad breakdown and t #then go to counseling 🥳✌️

[keeps-ache]

being denied silver fruit (making art) by some invisible - and maybe perhaps non-existant - punishment (??)

#just me hi #brain for the love of all that's good let me do something or i'll go to sleep #what's a brain to do then?? Rest???? #ridiculous....... #:/ #i used to say 'oh i have low motivation' but dude the motivation is there sometimes. the inspiration and energy is there. where is the- #-action my guy #like brain. dude. man. girl. c'mon. we literally have no reason to be avoiding this- we Like doing it what even Is This #could be i'm just hecka lazy. but i WANT to do it. i just can't get my body to kind of connect? in a way?? #there's a large part of the Brayn that says 'er. no' and the Body is just like 'oh. sorry :/ boss says no' But I'M The Boss????? #i really wanna give my Brayn a good smack. just a solid wake-up hit #maybe even punt it and get a new one at the Brayn Store #maybe it could run smooth and not feel so crunchy and full all the time #that'd be nice #ts. tsh. t. #i think if i had to choose. i'd trade my brain #above everything else #not really i mean. i mean what meaning might be attached to it #saying 'mean' a lot. gotta fix that #but if i traded my liver. would my words be more sharp? would i be too curt to enjoy myself? hm #if i traded my stomach. would i lose any form of wanting? craving? desiring? #if i traded my tongue. would i still be able to write? would i be speaking nonsense? #what about my bones? all structure is gone. it'd all be some jumbled mess. how do you tell a brain from a heart without pillars to- #-separate the ceiling and the floor?? #what would i lose if i traded the meaning of my lungs. i guess it matters what i put to it #gold's only worth as much as one thinks. right? #lungs are the same #ah actually i didn't realize i'd started off there #yeah anyway i was reading this neat book about the history of astronomy and ahahhhghhahghahhahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #i love love love it it's so [incoherent thought]

[fvckmyaesthetic]

#can’t sleep. feel sick. feel empty and sad all the time. say i’m lonely and then purposely avoid talking to people #like genuinely. wtf is my problem dude?? #i feel so tired and let down by everyone and everything all of the time and it’s like? #shit ain’t even that bad in the grand scheme of things. but I really still just wish I could get a ‘break for once’ #why am I so stuck on the ideas of certain people who will never be the way that they were when I actually knew them #and why can’t I just be upfront with people about how I feel. so many ppl think so highly of me for Who Tf Knows Why Honestly #and it’s like. for the love of god please just go find someone else because I Promise you that I’m not going to magically fall in love + #+ with you someday. I have too many fucking problems as it is that I couldn’t even stay with my lady gf for more than a few months #why can’t I just get my shut together Jesus is it really that hard?? #if I’m tired and sad then why do I stay up? why wouldn’t I just go to sleep. all I’m doing by staying awake is making myself feel WORSE #and I already feel bad enough as it is. everyone is moving forward with their lives and I’m just sitting here #No fucking clue what I’m doing. no one to talk to. i swear all I want is a good hug sometimes and I can’t even fucking get that #how hard is it to just ask someone for a hug and I can’t do even that?? #please tell me I figure my shit out soon and learn to talk to other people because I’m so tired of forcing myself to be so alone all th #e time. i spend so much time awake at night and for what? so I can just make myself feel sad and lonely and anxious? #yeah well I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being awake and alone and not having anyone to talk to because I push everyone away

[vagrantblvrd]

Finally have character at a decent level to attempt Vox Obscura mission only to realize it’s fucking timed?

Like.

Why on the default difficulty setting?

(I’m not a fan of timed nonsense in games anyway, but like. I got why the Master or whatever difficulty setting for Presage was timed, because Challenge!!1! But the default difficulty setting? WHY.)

#also #i'm just super tired right now so everything is officially The Worst(TM) #but why the fucking fuck bungie? #just like #there's so much going on all the time #and i didn't realize bungie hated solo players who aren't esoterickk so much #(i did so much not to avoid spoilers for the vox obscura mission because i wanted to go in blind #thinking it was going to be presage level of fun times #but then was like oh fuck you bungie by the time i got into the drake #and rolled into that BS with everything everywhere all the time #) #do not give me the 'git gud' BS #i'm overtired like a small child right now because this is the first free-time i've had in fucking weeks #and i'm so #tired. #/o\ #venting #gonna try to sleep #hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow