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ladykailitha · 2 months

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Icarus Part 4

Oops! I didn't realize this one had so many chapters done. I had been using it as my "I'm stuck on the other two stories so I work on this one to clear my head" story and I currently have five chapters backlogged. So instead of Batshit Soulmates today, you're getting two of this one. One now and one tonight.

In this chapter we have Eddie doing his research and we find out how he recognized Steve. Also Jeff&Eddie besties for life!

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

****

The last few days in Hawkins went by in a blur. Eddie couldn’t do the research he wanted to, not without alerting everyone else what he was up to, so he focused on buying both their albums and listening to them nonstop.

“This that band you went to go see?” Wayne asked after three days of him having both albums on constant repeat. “The one you were whining about have to go to?”

Eddie sat up from where he laying on the floor with headphones on and took them off, resting them around his neck. He pulled one knee up and draped his arms around it casually.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Dustin has been gloating about it, so I would rather you didn’t add to the pile.”

Wayne crouched down so that they were eye level. “This about that secret you found out?”

Eddie opened his mouth to lie but Wayne just raised an eyebrow and he snapped his mouth shut with a click. He let out a low shuddering breath and then nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, “it’s about that.”

Wayne picked up the vinyl sleeve and looked at the cover. He studied the image a moment or two before he said, “You think that someone you know is in the band, don’t you?”

Eddie bit his lower lip and then sighed heavily. He knew he couldn’t keep it from Wayne, but he had hoped he would have been back in Cali before he realized it.

“I’m not one hundred percent sure,” he said tilting his head back, “but yeah. I think I know someone in the band.”

“You jumping to conclusions?” Wayne asked in that gruff but gentle way that was a staple of Eddie’s childhood.

Eddie looked up at Wayne and then shook his head. “I don’t know enough. Not yet.”

Wayne got to his feet with a grunt. “Good. You keep it that way. There’s probably a good reason for all that.” He waved at the vinyl sleeve. “So don’t you go pushing your friend’s buttons until you know that reason.”

Eddie nodded. “I read you loud and clear.”

Wayne ruffled Eddie’s hair and walked away, leaving Eddie with plenty of time to think.

****

Dustin was staying in Hawkins for the whole summer, so when Eddie left, he was finally on his own.

Finally able to get out of his head and do some real research. He also knew better than to do anything than listen to his own music mid-flight. Too many wandering eyes.

Any one of his fellow passengers could be some blogger, Youtuber, Tiktoker, influencer or actual fucking press.

Thankfully the flight was most empty and short.

He was met at the airport by his manager Chrissy Cunningham.

She grabbed his bag, leaving Eddie to juggle his guitar better.

“Record management has all four of you in a hotel nearby,” she told him as she stowed the bag in her trunk. “They want you sequestered this time.”

Eddie winced. It wasn’t for any music related reason, though he didn’t doubt the sequestering would help with the process.

Nope.

It was because last time Gareth and Brian went on a three day drinking bender and were too sloshed to function for at least two days after that. Almost a whole week of recording down the drain because half the band went off the rails.

“Roger that!” Eddie said with a jaunty two fingered salute.

“You can have alcohol sent to your room,” she continued as they got into the car. “But Gareth and Brian aren’t allowed. So if you share your stash, that’s on you.”

“You can count on me and Jeff not contribute to the delinquency of our bandmates,” Eddie bit out. “We were just as pissed as the label when we couldn’t get a hold of them for those five days.”

Chrissy nodded. “Fame can really do some fucked up shit to people.”

Eddie hummed his acknowledgment. “Just please tell me I’m not sharing with anyone. You know they all hate sleeping in the same room as me.”

Chrissy snorted. “Only because you stay up all hours of the night perfecting song, while they actually want to, oh I don’t know...sleep?”

Eddie cackled. He was the world’s worst insomniac when they were working on an album. The rest of the time he was a sound sleeper.

“But no,” Chrissy hummed, “you all have your own suites. With Brian and Gareth on opposite sides of the hotel so they don’t fuel each other’s vices.”

Eddie let out a deep sigh. “That’s great news.”

They went up to Eddie’s suite and he immediately got to unpacking. He couldn’t stand living out of his suitcase and didn’t know how anyone else could.

He ordered a couple of six packs of beer, his favorite vodka, and a couple of whiskys that should last him at least a couple of weeks. He stashed the beer in the suite provided mini-fridge and settled down to watch Youtube on the big screen TV.

He was just devouring everything he could on The Fallen. He started with their music videos. The one for “Kiss the Boys/Kiss the Girls” was especially sweet. He found out that the lead singer was bisexual and that the song was about finding love in whatever form that took. With a full verse on non-binary peeps despite the title.

But the videos weren’t helpful. The band themselves were rarely in them. So Eddie turned to interviews. Impromptu ones on red carpets and podcasts, as well as sit down interviews for talk shows and entertainment press.

Again the lead singer was charismatic and charming. And it was looking more and more like his theory was correct.

Then he came across the interview.

“How does Azrael see out of his mask?” the Vanity Fair interviewer asked.

The drummer pulled out another mask and handed it to Abbadon. It seemed like it was part of the shtick that the drummer never spoke.

Abbadon held up the mask to the light. “You can see that the eyes are a mesh-like material. It works like a one way mirror. You with the strong light, can’t see in, but Azrael with darkness of the mask can see out.”

Eddie hummed his interest. That was a cool trick. It meant that the drummer wouldn’t get hurt while still maintaining that anonymity.

And it appeared that the interview thought the same as they nodded along, impressed.

“What is the reason for the masks?”

Astraeus leaned forward into the mic. “Because when we first got started no one would take us seriously as ourselves?”

Just then the hotel door swung open and Eddie quickly pressed pause. He sighed with relief when he saw it was Jeff.

Jeff stopped in his tracks to stare at the screen. “Oh hey, The Fallen. They’re pretty cool.”

Eddie whipped his head around and glared at him.

“How do you know about them and I didn’t?”

Jeff laughed. “Dude, the radio embargo was you thing, not an everyone thing. They’re really good. I love their new single ‘You’. It’s really sweet.”

Eddie nodded, it was really good. It was one was of his favorites, too.

Jeff got closer to the TV. “Wait. Is this the ‘metal fans would hate us if they saw who we really are’ interview?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah.”

“That’s such bullshit,” Jeff scoffed. “Metal fans are the most welcoming group of fans out there.”

Eddie chewed on his bottom lip and thought about Steve. And how preppy he still dressed even this far outside of high school.

“Not if they were preps,” he said softly.

That brought Jeff up short. “What now?”

“I think Abbadon is Steve.”

Jeff started laughing and laughing like he couldn’t stop. Eddie rolled his eyes and pulled up the picture he had taken of The Fallen’s lead singer. Once Jeff had gotten control of himself, Eddie showed him the picture.

“Okay...” Jeff said. “I’m not sure what this shows other than your obsession with necks.”

“Zoom in.”

Jeff rolled his eyes but did as he was told. “Okay, so what am I looking at?”

Eddie licked his lips nervously. “You see those two moles, just under his chin?”

Jeff half shrugged. “I mean, I guess.”

“Steve has moles in the exact same place,” Eddie explained. He took the phone back from Jeff and went through his IG feed. He pulled up a picture of Steve. The angle wasn’t exact, but it was close enough.

He handed it back to Jeff. “Now zoom in on the neck.”

Jeff did as he was told.

“Holy fucking shit!”

Eddie pursed his lips and chewed on the bottom one. He played with his rings and was just fidgeting.

“Dude!” Jeff cried. “We should tell someone!”

Just then Eddie’s fidgeting hit the remote and the video began playing again.

“Is there any chance of a future reveal?” the interviewer asked.

Asmodeus leaned into the mic and said, “Ask us again in ten years when we’re world famous.”

Eddie managed to get a hold of the remote to pause it again and in the resulting silence Jeff and him shared a glance.

“Fuck, dude,” Jeff said. “We can’t say shit, can we?”

Eddie shook his head. “It would be like outing a queer person before they were ready.”

Jeff came around the sofa and flopped down next to him.

“Wow,” he said with more than a little awe. “So Steve Harrington is in a metal band...” He let out a shuddering sigh. “And is good. Not just good, but damn good.”

Eddie nodded. “Is it bad that I kinda feel like I’ve been tricked?”

Jeff let out a slow breath. “Look, I’m not going to tell you how to feel, but if no one knows, that it’s not personal.”

“You mean to tell me that no one knows?” Eddie hissed, getting to feet. “Not Robin, not Dustin? Or any of the kids? Because I call bullshit!”

Jeff looked up at him. “Robin, maybe. Those two are attached at the hip. Hell, Robin could even be their slinky and sexy manager, Celeste. But Dustin, man? I wouldn’t tell that kid shit. Not if I wanted it to still be secret ten minutes later.”

Eddie fought to calm his breathing. Yeah okay. That tracked. Robin with makeup and a black wig would completely disguise her to the point that not even her own mother would recognize her if they passed on the street.

“Dustin wouldn’t–” he began but Jeff cut him off.

“This is the kid that spoiled Will’s surprise party that he was planning,” Jeff said, counting off on his fingers. “The kid that would go searching through his mom’s closets and under her bed looking for birthday and Christmas presents. The same one that announced our second album six hours before it was set to drop. I wouldn’t tell Dustin Henderson the time of day if I didn’t want everyone to know about it.”

Eddie huffed. He wanted to argue that all that was little shit. Not really that important. But then he remembered all the times where Dustin would say something out of context, something that all his friends would jump on him for, only for it to be revealed later that Dustin had spoiled some surprise. It was just that no one had realized it at the time.

This time he let out a long sigh.

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie said, sitting back down next to Jeff on the sofa. “And I know that if Steve had come to me and said he wanted to form a metal band, I would have laughed in his face.”

Jeff gave his knee a squeeze. “We all would have. So let’s do what we do best. We change the culture. We make the metal scene open to people of all walks of life, not just the freaks and outcasts. We make it safe for them to come out.”

Eddie let out a shuddering sigh. “Yeah. I could do that. We could do that.”

“Good,” Jeff said, patting Eddie’s knee. “It’s not going to be easy, but we’ve never liked easy.”

Eddie laughed as Jeff got up. “So what are you doing in my room anyway? Don’t you have your own?”

Jeff opened the mini fridge and took out a can of beer. “I forgot to order beer and I hate it warm, so I thought I’d steal one of yours.”

Eddie threw a throw pillow at him, which Jeff deftly caught and lobbed back at him.

Jeff came over and kissed his cheek. “Get out of your head and do something with all that restless energy you’ve built up with this eating away at you.”

Eddie let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, man. Thanks.”

Just as Jeff reached the door, he called out. “What would you and the boys think about inviting them to open for us on our next tour?”

Jeff grinned. “They would probably kiss you on the mouth.”

Eddie threw back his head and laughed. “Duly noted.”

****

Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Tag List: @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars @papergrenade @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @danili666 @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @goodolefashionedloverboi @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @yikes-a-bee @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95 @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #rockstar steve harrington #rockstar eddie munson #rockstar au

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effortandmore · 1 year

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tuesday moon | knj (18+)

summary: being “just friends” with kim namjoon sucks

pairing: namjoon x f!reader

rating: explicit (18+ please)

genre: fluff, smut

au: university, co-workers to lovers to friends to lovers again (they're oblivious)

warnings: it's mostly fluff i think. they're oblivious. smut: minors should not be interacting/reading, namjoon has a big dick, a lil praise kink, oral sex (f!receiving), penetrative sex, the usual suspects i think. drinking (but not before they sleep together), tae is into new age jazz... and they were roommates!

word count: 7.7k

a/n: so... i had this dream a couple months ago and couldn't get it out of my head, so here you go. thanks, sleep brain. the title is from a neutral milk hotel song (but tbh the '23 album isn't great). thank you to @ugh-yoongi and @the-boy-meets-evil for reading this over. and then for doing it again when i couldn't even find the mistake you told me was there 🙃

read on ao3

You’ve learned a lot in university—which given how much money you’ve spent to be there is a relief. But amongst business classes and writing workshops and statistics, the most important knowledge you’ve gained is that of small things.

Of small things and how they can change your life in unbelievably big ways.

Kim Namjoon isn’t exactly small. But the events that put him right in the middle of your life are. The first day you meet him is a Tuesday. Tuesdays have always been for non-events: for meetings and your least favorite classes… For snagging a coveted dryer on the third floor of the dorm building because Jeongguk saves it for you when he’s finished with his seemingly endless laundry. Tuesdays are for your first real uni friend, Taehyung, to show up to the laundry room unannounced and make you listen to weird new-age jazz on his phone that you hate, but love how much he loves it.

And then your work-study starts. A job in the library is supposed to be easy, has better hours than a lot of the jobs that are available, and pretty much only requires you to understand the Dewey decimal system so you can reshelve things quickly. You can count and read, and those seem to be the only things the head librarian cares about. Cake.

Your first training day is a Tuesday. It’s a rainy afternoon, and in one of the conference rooms in the back of the law floor are you and three other new employees. Right away, it seems like Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon are already friends. They joke and whisper throughout the orientation videos and absolutely make you feel like a fourth wheel. At your first break, Hoseok extends the invitation for you to sit with them when he notices you still sitting by yourself in the back of the room, and it's then that you learn they for sure already knew each other—music majors and all in the same class even though Yoongi is a little older than the other two. They signed up for all the same work-study assignments hoping they’d be placed together, hoping they could have a chance to work on music during slow times at the slowest work-study assignments. Namjoon, though, who has been quiet the whole time, finally speaks up at this.

“Well, I also like books,” he says softly, one side of his mouth turned up in a grin. “So, I guess I had an ulterior motive.”

“Of course you did, Namjoonie,” Hoseok replies.

Yoongi turns to you, explaining, “Namjoon’s a double major. Smartest guy we know. Literature and music.”

You talk more with them after the ice is broken—Yoongi’s a double major, too, math and music. Hoseok raps and does street dancing in his free time, and around the three of them, you feel like you’re woefully underachieving just at life in general.

“What about you?” Namjoon prompts after you get some background on all of them.

“Ah… nothing impressive. Economics major. Just what my parents wanted, you know. But I like books, too. I volunteer at the public library already, but it doesn’t exactly help with tuition.”

“You volunteer?” Namjoon repeats, looking surprised.

“Oh, yeah… It’s no big deal. I just read books to kids sometimes.”

“That’s awesome,” he says, and the look on his face tells you he might actually mean it. Next to him, Yoongi snickers and Hoseok smiles brightly at you.

“Namjoonie here has wanted to volunteer doing park clean up for a while, but Yoongi and I are always dragging him to the studio on the weekends, so he doesn’t have time.”

Namjoon shrugs. “It would be nice to feel like I’m helping, I think.”

“It is,” you agree, sharing a look with him across the table. “The purpose of life is to be useful…” You mumble the quote under your breath, assuming they wouldn’t know what you meant anyway.

“Emerson?” Namjoon asks.

“Oh! Uh… yeah, I mean… That’s what people think, but probably not. It’s most likely from a speech someone else gave when they gave Emerson an award, but most people think it’s him—” you cut yourself off when you notice Namjoon’s eyes gone wide.

“Self Reliance is one of my favorites,” he says, leaning forward, excitement playing in his voice.

“Same! No one ever knows what I’m talking about, but ‘Nothing at last is sacred but the integrity of one’s own mind’ is maybe my whole life philosophy,” you ramble, just happy that someone might finally know what you’re talking about. No one in your economics classes ever shows any interest in philosophy, anyway. Your roommate calls you a nerd every time you bring stuff like this up, and Jeongguk just stares at you with big eyes like he wants to drink every word you're saying but doesn’t understand a drop of it. But Namjoon actually looks… interested in what you’re saying. More than interested, even.

Yoongi elbows Hoseok and smirks. “Namjoon’s in trouble,” he says.

But before you can ask what that means, the head librarian interrupts to tell you it’s time to get back to training. You have to partner up for training to use the library’s reservation and shelving programs, and Namjoon comes right up to you, grinning shyly, and asks if you want to be his partner while his friends whisper on the other side of the room. You know immediately how this is going to go. Or you think you do, anyway.

And you’re right. By the end of the first week of your work study, you’re in Kim Namjoon’s bed.

It’s just like it sounds.

You’re naked, legs bent at the knees and open with his head between them. You noticed his brain first, but it only took that first afternoon to realize that not only was he smart, but stupid hot and kind and sort of funny in the sarcastic way you like, and he seemed to like something about you, too.

On Saturday, you work a slow shift together, both of you using most of the time to catch up on homework, and when it’s over, he asks if you want to come back to his place and keep studying. You agree quickly, but as soon as you get there, you realize you’re both on the same page about being more interested in studying each other than your class work. One thing leads to another, and here you are, moaning into your own palm as he flicks his tongue over your clit in a steady rhythm.

“Namjoon, I–” You’re pathetic, you think, gasping and barely able to make words come out of your mouth, but fuck if he’s not good at this. Better than you’d thought he would be, actually. He came across as a little on the shy side during work, like he might be one of those guys who needs you to tell him where the clit is. Eager to please, but not quite sure how to go about it. Willing to take direction.

He is not that.

“Gonna come, baby? You like my tongue that much?” Namjoon lifts his head to ask, and his lips are slick with you and his voice is deep and his fingers just don’t stop moving… It's so much.

“Yeah, so close…”

At that, Namjoon smirks and ducks his head back down to finish the job. He makes quick work of you, sucking on your clit and twisting one of your nipples with his free hand. The other has two fingers fucking into you in just the right way, just shallow enough to hit your g-spot each time he pushes in.

The orgasm builds fast, pressure from the inside, pressure from the outside… Everything feels so, so good, and you try to tell him so, but all you can do is whimper through it, clenching your thighs around his ears when you come on his tongue and he tries (bless him) to keep licking your core as your knees shake.

“Fuck,” you say on an exhale, arm tossed over your own forehead.

“I’m down,” he teases.

You’re about to say something sarcastic back, but when you lift your arm and look down at him, you lose that train of thought. He looks fucking incredible: flushed, a little sweaty, chin shiny with your orgasm and he’s grinning with those stupid dimples out… How could you not give him everything he wants? Maybe it’s the orgasm talking, the sweet rush of dopamine affecting you when you say, “I want that. Fuck me…” And for emphasis, when he stares at you a little stunned, you add, “Please, Namjoon?”

He only nods, enthusiastically and a little dopey with it, a little like the boy you saw in the library. But when his cock is out—big… like, really big. Why even have a cock that large, really? What’s even the point of that?—he’s smirking and appropriately (you hope) confident again.

“That is…” you look down and make a vague gesture in the direction of his dick, which makes him look down, too.

He shies almost instantly. “Yeah, it’s okay if it’s too much or whatever…”

“No! That’s not what I meant. I just… You look good.” You scoot up so you can have level eye contact. “Want you to fuck me. I can handle it, promise. I want to.”

Namjoon swallows, visibly nervous, but agrees anyway.

You knew it would be fine. Any partner who makes sure to tell you you’re beautiful, who makes sure you come first, who pays attention to your body the way he has for the last couple hours is probably going to keep doing that, you decide. And he does. He’s careful, even though you think it might actually be killing him a little to not move once he’s over halfway inside you. He checks in with you, makes sure the consent is still there, and then when you ask him to “actually fuck me, Namjoon… want your cock… all of you,” he does. And he delivers.

You’re essentially sitting in his lap, his palms spread on your hips as he moves you on his cock and it is… Well, it’s unequivocally the best anyone’s ever fucked you. His lips are on your neck, your breasts, the swell underneath them where they meet your ribcage… He keeps talking to you in his raspy whisper, making sure you feel okay, telling you how good you feel to him. There are times when he gets a little porny, telling you how tight you are (you’re sure a cock that big hasn’t seen anything not tight), and then he says, half out of breath, “Knew you would be a good girl. Knew it from the first time I saw you.” And you didn’t even know you wanted to be a ‘good girl,’ but suddenly you very much do.

Before he comes, he makes sure you do again, too. His thumb finds your clit and his lips are hot against your ear, whispering filth when you tighten around his cock and shudder in his lap. He’s not far behind you, pulling your hips down when he thrusts into you a little harder, sweat beading on his forehead with the effort. He’s quiet when he comes, just a low moan of your name as he stills under you.

After, it’s the small things he does that you like. It’s nice that he doesn’t try and move right away, just runs his hands up and down your back—soothing, almost. The closeness is nice, his head resting against your collarbone while you stroke your fingers through his hair. It feels intimate, more than a first time or a one night stand with your coworker should. But neither of you make a move to change that, so maybe it’s alright.

For now.

You haven’t exactly been the most social university student, but you know how these things are supposed to go. You clean up, you get dressed, you make awkward small talk about your classes or your work study and then you go your separate ways. You go back to your apartment and you don’t talk about what happened. He might look at you like he knows what’s underneath your hoodie next time you see him, but you know it won’t happen again. That’s not how it works. Not for you, anyway.

Kim Namjoon is a good guy, that you’re sure of. He’s a hard worker, he’s smart, he has lots of friends and hobbies and between that and school and work, you know there’s no way he’s looking for a relationship, and you also know he’s going to do his best to let you down easy if he thinks that’s what you’re after.

But, he’s your friend. And your co-worker, and the sex was great, so you want to at least spare him the effort of all that. So, when he gets up to dispose of the condom and find a washcloth, you get dressed quietly, pack your textbooks, and do your best to look mostly put together by the time he comes back.

“So,” you start as he returns to his room, “that was great… Really great, Namjoonie. Thank you.”

He looks… confused. “You’re thanking me for sex?”

“I uh… yes?”

Namjoon gives you a dimpled smile with an eyebrow raised, clearly amused. “Okay… Well, you’re welcome, then. And thank you.” He gives you a teasing bow, and with it, you feel a little relief. Because he’s obviously ready to move forward and this can just be a fun thing that happened and you don’t have to make him worry about letting you down, and you don’t have to worry about how much you fucking like him already. You can just be friends.

The problem, you realize quickly, is that being “just friends” with Kim Namjoon sucks.

It’s like sending your poor, delusional heart through a cheese grater with each of your work-study shifts. It’s swallowing down every dream of happiness when you have to sit next to him at a party and watch him nod along in agreement as Hoseok tells him how hot the new guy in his dance class is. (The guy is hot, with at least a 6-pack, big, pouty lips, and biceps like cannons. So, even you have to agree they have a point.)

Okay, that’s probably dramatic. Incredibly dramatic according to Taehyung and Jeongguk. Which, honestly, says a lot coming from them.

So, you do your best to forget your crush and just be cool about everything. You both make a frankly commendable effort to never talk about what happened between you, and after a few weeks, things don’t feel quite so weird. Namjoon’s probably relieved you never mentioned it again, didn’t expect him to be your boyfriend or anything.

You think you’ve done well.

At one party, halfway through the semester, you meet Namjoon’s friend, Seokjin. He’s quiet at first, polite with a big smile and a nervous laugh. He sticks close to Yoongi and Namjoon, and it doesn’t take long before he’s being shuttled across the large backyard in your direction.

“Hi,” he says simply. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh! That’s good… I think?”

“Yah, Namjoonie here—”

“Well, that was great!” Namjoon interjects. “Glad you two finally met. We’re late for something, though. So, bye!” And then he’s pulling Seokjin behind him through the yard in the opposite direction. It’s so weird.

In his protests, you’re pretty sure you hear him say, “You’re ridiculous,” to Namjoon. If you were more sober, you would have recognized it as the first small thing that should have tipped you off.

The second thing happens right before summer break. Your whole group, consisting of your and Namjoon’s friends, are sitting around at lunch discussing everyone’s plans for the summer. Hoseok and Jimin (the hot dancer he wouldn’t shut up about who is now his new boyfriend) are going to a dance clinic on the other side of the country. Jeongguk is going home, promising you he’ll leave you a list of acceptable laundromats in his absence. Seokjin and Taehyung are working—teaching acting classes to teenagers at summer camp.

Yoongi’s got an internship, so he’ll be around, but barely since it’s in the city and your university is a little outside of town. It’s a long subway trip, so he’s got a sublet up there he’s moving into for the summer months.

And then it’s Namjoon’s turn.

“I’m staying. Not on campus, obviously. But I found an apartment and I’m looking for a roommate.” Everyone nods along except Jeongguk, whose eyes dart from Namjoon to you and back several times.

“What about noona?” he finally says, hooking a thumb in your direction. “She’s staying, too.”

“Oh, I don’t think—”

“That’s not a bad idea…”

Namjoon and you look at one another. He’s flushed, and he’s doing that thing he does when he’s nervous where he rubs his throat.

“I’m sure Namjoon has plenty of people in mind already,” you say, trying to give him the out he clearly wants.

“Not exactly,” he mumbles.

“This is perfect!” Seokjin exclaims. “Don’t you think this is perfect, Namjoon?”

You lean over to whisper to Namjoon, “You don’t have to, it’s really alright.” It feels like you’re making him nervous, you can feel his muscles stiffen where you’re touching his arm, and the flush he was sporting is spreading to his neck now.

“Would you even want to?” He asks softly.

You’re not sure, actually. It’s already hard work trying to put your stupid crush out of your mind most days. And now, you only see him a few days a week. Your brain (a logical friend) is telling you that living with him will be terrible for your heart. Your heart isn’t as smart and is pounding faster just thinking about spending more time around your crush. Friend, you correct yourself.

The problem is that only Tae and Jeongguk know about your feelings, and none of them know you and Namjoon have already slept together. So, if you say no, it might be weird. As far as they know, you’re just friends, good friends. Why wouldn’t you want to live with him?

“Yeah,” you reply brightly, swallowing down your nerves, “it’ll be great, Joonie. I can cook and you can help me study for my summer classes.” You’re nodding along as you speak, trying to convince yourself that what you’re saying is true.

“Okay… sure. Roommates,” he says, looking a little stunned.

“Roommates!”

You stick your hand out to shake his. You’re the least sexy person to have ever existed, you decide, as he laughs and shakes your hand.

“It was a terrible idea,” you whine into Taehyung’s lap. “He’s just here… all the time. And sometimes…”

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes he doesn’t wear a shirt!” You slump further into your friend, making what you know are pitiful whining noises into his thighs.

It’s not like you’d go as far as saying moving in with Namjoon for the summer was a mistake. But it wasn’t great. Actually, it was really fucking great, and that was the problem. Or part of the problem anyway.

The apartment is nice—nicer than you’d envisioned when he told you about it. Not too big, but on the corner of the building so you got nice light throughout the day. You each have your own bedroom (thank god) and they aren’t large, but Namjoon gave you the one with the room for a chair by the window, even though you knew he’d been planning to write lyrics there. As promised, you cook for both of you in your small kitchen and Namjoon helps you with your summer classes.

With all of your friends gone or busy, you two don’t see much of them, and it feels like you build your own little world: late nights listening to the records he brings home, eating simple meals by the window and complaining that you don’t have a balcony, getting dragged out on bike rides when the sun falls and it’s cool enough outside, hunched together on the floor of the living room scrolling webtoons and drinking one too many cheap beers, and the worst (best) of all—falling asleep on the couch together before you wake up with a jolt realizing your head is on him and it’s far, far too much to realize his chest is in your face… so you scramble to your room like a coward and don’t fall back asleep, too keyed up.

Seokjin, when you do see him, adds in more and more “old married couple” jokes as the summer goes on. He makes fun of your chore lists on the fridge, cutely decorated with whatever doodle has been occupying Namjoon’s mind that week.

(Jin doesn’t even know that when all the chores are done, you save the little post-it notes, snatching them off the fridge when Namjoon’s not around or not paying attention, and putting them carefully into a little box in your desk drawer with all the other scraps and mementos of your friendship you’ve kept over the almost-year you’ve known him.)

Jin teases you when he lets himself in, late in the mornings, and finds the two of you still asleep, tumbled atop each other on the floor, record-listening session gone too late, the needle still digging into invisible grooves at the center.

It’s not his fault it doesn’t feel like a joke to you, he doesn’t know that you feel like the 45 and all of the jokes and all of Namjoon’s smiles and all of the little notes he leaves and the way he blushes when you come out of the bathroom in your robe like maybe maybe there’s just a chance you’re not the only one still thinking about that one time… that those are the needles, and you’re here, spinning in place while they poke and prod and dig for a melody that just isn’t there.

Namjoon, to his credit, is the very definition of a good friend and roommate. He does all the little things. He brings you breakfast sometimes when he’s been out all night and knows you’ll be waking up shortly after he comes home. He cleans, so that even though he’s got so much stuff (endless records and books and figurines and things he just thought were cute), your apartment never feels dirty, just lived-in and homey and a little cluttered. Buys toothpaste when you forget—before you forget, even. Puts your favorite flavor of soju in the fridge every week even though he hates it.

And it’s not just what he does at home (your home. with him. which you try not to think about because the way the thought makes your heart swell and almost burst is dangerous and confusing, and you hate that you can’t stop thinking about it entirely.) he takes you out, too. It helps that he’s more social than you: gets you outside in the real world between classes and studying. Makes sure you touch grass. Does stupid dances with you to bad music at worse clubs. Buys you hotteok at 2am because he knows you want it even though you won’t admit it so he says both pieces are for him and lets you argue that it’s bad for his heart and you’re willing to take one off his hands just for the sake of his health… because you care for him.

You don’t let yourself think about the way it seems like he flushes and his eyes twinkle a little when you say that. It’s got to be in your imagination.

He doesn’t know that each time he goes out of his way to do something nice for you hurts a little. Doesn’t know that each time he’s a touch too sweet, you wish you’d stayed that one time. Can’t possibly relate to the way you wish that one night turned into a date turned into something more, maybe.

And you know he can’t relate, because he’s started doing this thing while you’ve been living together: talking about someone. Someone that he likes.

It’s devastating and you try so hard not to cry on the nights when it comes up. You succeed in never crying in front of him, but if you drip snot onto your pillow trying to hold back your sobs once you’re alone in your room, he doesn’t have to know.

You don’t know who she is, but you’ve overheard Namjoon on the phone with Yoongi talking about her. She sounds great, if Namjoon’s probably clouded judgment is any indication. He thinks she’s smart and talented, says she sells herself short and he thinks she’s as close to perfect as anyone on the planet. He doesn’t go out without you too often, and you don’t ask where he’s been if he doesn’t offer, but he must be spending time with her because you catch him on a video call with Hoseok saying she can cook and she’s brilliant and she’s everything he’s ever wanted.

She also sounds like she doesn’t know what she’s got, because Namjoon’s convinced she doesn’t like him back and that she’s out of his league—you finally ascertain that the reason he’s been going to the gym more was because one time she said she thought another guy had nice biceps and he knows they were bigger than his.

One time, you come home late, catching Tae at a bar near campus after he’s done with classes and drinking a little too much. You’re not drunk, but you’re in that warm space past sober where everything is a little softer and funnier and Namjoon looks dangerously pretty sitting at his desk with headphones on working on a song.

You plop on his bed, as you do now, and wait for him to notice you’re there. It doesn’t take long.

“Hey,” he says as he pulls off the headphones. He’s giving you the double-dimple smile, which is especially effective when you’re tipsy like this. Throws you more off-kilter than another cocktail would have. “Have fun with Tae?”

“Hmm… yeah.” You lay back on his bed and don’t let yourself worry about your shirt riding up or your hair spilling around you in a haystack. It’s just Namjoon, and you know he doesn’t think about you like that, know he’s already seen you with more skin showing, hair messier.

“Need me to get you some water?”

“No,” you sit up on your elbows, “s’okay. Didn’t drink too much. What’re you working on?”

Namjoon is staring right at you, something indiscernible on his face. He looks almost like he’s in pain or something. “You alright?”

He shakes his head and looks embarrassed. You have no idea why. “Yeah, fine… I’m fine. Just a song, nothing too special.”

“Can I hear it?”

“It’s personal… Kind of silly. It’s not done yet… I’m not sure you’d like it,” he says.

“I like everything you make.” It comes out too honest, you’re not sober enough to hide the tenderness in your voice, to wrap it in something less vulnerable.

There’s no response to that, and you worry you’ve given too much away for a split second before he unplugs his headphones and hits play on the song. And if you thought the sight of him working, bathed in moonlight and neon, was beautiful, this song is truly something else.

It’s lovely—sweeping melody and building building with layers until it crashes all around you, his voice low and quick, persistent with words of love. It’s a love song disguised as wordplay, or maybe the other way around. It’s him in music: smart and beautiful and selfless and breathtaking… You want to keep it, you want it to be yours, you want the words to be about you or for you or just written with you in the back of his mind. It’s too much, it’s so so beautiful, and you know it’s about her. It’s for her. She’s the one who has his attention and who gets his words and it makes you want to crawl under your blankets and never come out like a petulant child.

You’re laying down again, so you don’t know what he’s looking at as you listen. When it ends, you’re asking the question even though you don’t want the answer, even though him saying it will make it too real. “Is it about her?” you whisper.

“Yeah,” he answers, just as quietly. “It’s about her.”

You sit up quick, make sure you’re turned away from him so he can’t see the tears that are beginning to drip down your cheeks.

“It’s pretty,” you say as you head toward the door, hopefully not giving yourself away, not looking back in his direction. “Really pretty. She’s lucky, Namjoonie.”

You don’t see the confusion on his face as your bedroom door closes behind you. You don’t hear him tell you goodnight in a small, concerned voice.

After song-gate, you do your best to put a brave face on and move forward. It’s more for him than you, you have to tell yourself. Because you, your heart, you don’t want to let him go, can’t stand the idea of watching him be happy with someone else. But you, Kim Namjoon’s best friend, you want nothing more than for him to be happy, even if it’s not with you. And it’s hard, but for the most part, you let that version of you win.

You give him broad smiles and you keep not asking where he’s going when he leaves without you. You try really hard not to overhear his calls with Hoseok and Yoongi and when you do, you give him a ridiculous double-thumbs up and tell him to go for it, that she’d be a fool to turn him down. You’re pretty sure you’re the only one who ends up looking foolish in that moment though, even if you really, truly mean it.

One day (of course it’s a Tuesday), you come home from class, and you’re sorting through the mail when you spot a card on the counter that wasn’t there in the morning. Namjoon must’ve left it when he came home, you can hear the shower running from down the hall. It’s rare he beats you home on Tuesdays, always saying he’s got “something” to do “across town” and you just assume it’s with her, so you don’t ask.

But what’s more interesting than him being home early is what the card is: a temporary driver license issued to one Kim Namjoon. It’s got a picture of him, dimples out and glasses on, dated that day. You hadn’t even known he’d taken the class or the tests. You wonder why he wouldn’t tell you… It’s a big deal to him—he’d always said he didn’t need it, liked taking the bus and the metro. Thought cars were bad for the planet and that there were too many of them in the city anyway. But here’s the card, proof that for some reason he thought it was time for a change.

“Oh! You… I didn’t mean for you to find that…”

You look up. Namjoon’s standing by the couch, watching you examine his license, wrapped in a towel because if there’s a god, he only wants you to suffer.

“You got your license?”

“Ah… the temporary one, yeah. Still need to take the road test.”

He seems nervous, fidgeting with the blanket on the back of the sofa. You don’t know why he’d be nervous, it’s cool, you think. One more thing to add to the seemingly endless list of things Namjoon can do.

“Proud of you, Namjoonie. But… why? I thought you didn’t want to drive.”

He shrugs. “Don’t really, but… I just thought… Well, I thought if I got up the nerve to ask someone on a date, it would be nice to drive her. Just once or twice. Make it special, I guess. It’s probably stupid, but I thought y—” He cuts himself off and pauses. Looks out the window and scrunches his forehead up like he’s scolding himself. “I thought she might like that,” he says, finally.

“Did she tell you to get a license?” You’re sure you sound as outraged as you feel when you ask.

“No! She wouldn’t… No. I just wanted to try.”

“Okay. Okay, good. You shouldn’t change yourself for anyone, Joonie.” And then you do that thing again, where you say too much, where it comes out too fond. “You’re more than enough just the way you are. If she doesn’t know that, she’s not good enough for you.”

Namjoon smiles softly. “I’m starting to think she does,” he says.

And the look on his face… It’s happiness and warmth and fuck you wish it was for you. Those nagging feelings of wanting more more more from him are welling up in your chest. “Good,” you say, still too tender as you set the card in his palm and scoot past him to your room, mail forgotten. “That’s the very least of what you deserve.”

Later that night, you’ve tucked the soft and vulnerable parts of you back inside, showered, ordered food, and sent Namjoon down to pick it up with a stop at the convenience store for soju and beer. You can do this, you tell yourself in the mirror, psyching yourself up for the first time you both will hang out with all your friends in months.

The summer is drawing to an end. Seokjin and Taehyung are done teaching, Jimin and Hoseok got back over the weekend, Yoongi’s internship ended the week prior, and Jeongguk is back from his visit home, everyone returning in time to buy books and settle in for the new semester.

You and Namjoon have decided to keep the apartment: close enough to campus, affordable enough, and you both bashfully agreed you liked living together, an arrangement sealed with the secret handshake greeting from a drama you’d watched together over the summer. So, you have the biggest apartment out of all your friends (which doesn’t say much), and they’ve all decided in your group chat that the group “welcome home” party would take place in your living room.

Seokjin and Taehyung arrive first, Jeongguk in tow. They’re pouring through your door play-fighting and laughing and for a minute, you forget your crush on your roommate, you forget he’s pining after someone else, and you just feel so much joy that your friends are back as they pull you into a crushing group hug.

“We brought wine,” Seokjin says.

“Ew!” (A twin chorus from you and Jeongguk).

“Fine, you two have your cheap soju and leave the good stuff for the rest of us.”

“Hyung, that bottle was only six—”

“Shh! Have some respect!” Seokjin says, slapping in the air in Tae’s general direction.

They file into the kitchen to drop off snacks and cheap wine while you leave to dig around in Namjoon’s room for some records to play. It’s a hassle, finding enough that you like and then having to flip them every fifteen minutes, so you finally give up and resign yourself to just playing a playlist off your phone. Or anyone’s phone except Taehyung’s anyway, because “experimental jazz night” was not a hit last time he suckered you all into it.

When you come back down the hall, your kitchen is suspiciously quiet. There is whispering and you can’t hear what they’re saying but you know anytime Jeongguk and Seokjin are colluding that it means trouble.

“What’s going on in here?” You ask as you make it back to the kitchen.

The three of them are reading the notes on your fridge and they all hop around immediately. Jeongguk and Taehyung have the decency to look guilty, but Seokjin just looks like he’s unearthed the lost city or something.

“What are these?” he asks, eyebrow raised.

“Our shopping list? Chore list?”

Seokjin grins. “No, not those… These.” He plucks a sticky off the fridge and starts reading it aloud.

“...And greet the all auspicious day,

Whose privilege permits my song—”

You can feel your face like a wildfire, hot and persistent, as you snatch the piece of paper out of his hand and tuck it in your pocket.

“That’s nothing. Just a poem”

“That’s not nothing, that’s a love poem.”

“We just leave each other quotes sometimes,” you mutter, fussing around the kitchen, opening the bags of snacks and setting them on the counter. “It’s no big deal. Just a small thing.”

Jeongguk looks at you with wide eyes. “And you sometimes leave each other love poems?” he asks cautiously.

“I guess… It’s whatever,” you say.

“What’s whatever?” Hoseok’s bright voice drifts into the room. You snap your head up to see that he’s with Jimin, and they’re followed in by Yoongi and Namjoon, carrying all the food and drinks.

“Namjoon hyung and Noona leave each other love notes on the fridge!” Jeongguk says brightly. “It’s so cute.”

Your jaw actually drops, and you see in your periphery, Namjoon’s is doing the same.

“They’re not love notes!” You protest.

“They’re poems,” Namjoon adds with indignance.

“Besides,” you add, “he’s got a girlfriend or whatever.” You know you sound a little annoyed, and you don’t want to, but it’s worth it if it gets them off your backs.

“Wait, what?” Yoongi finally joins the conversation, peeking his head around the corner into the kitchen.

Six pairs of eyes are on you, and one (Namjoon’s) is anywhere but. You get the offputting feeling that something is happening, but you don’t know what. That the boys staring at you know something you don’t.

“Namjoonie… He’s got a girl he likes. So, they’re not love notes. They’re just quotes we like.”

Yoongi stares at you like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing, and then Hoseok says, “Oh my god, they are that bad.”

Seokjin nods. “The worst, actually.”

“What? What is going on?” You ask. The question is directed at anyone, but you’re looking straight at Namjoon, who still won’t look at you.

“I’m just gonna open some soju,” Jimin says. “Come on, guys.”

The statement is clearly directed at Seokjin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk, who are all still huddled by the fridge, clearly amused at whatever is unfolding in your kitchen. One by one, they file out. Namjoon tries to follow them, but Yoongi unceremoniously shoves him back into the kitchen with a hissed, “I don’t think so, Namjoon.”

“I’m so confused,” you say quietly. Namjoon finally lifts his gaze to meet yours, and he looks so so nervous. Just like the day you’d agreed to be roommates. You have no idea why, because you’d never do anything to make him feel that way, not on purpose. “Is this about her? I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have—”

“No! I mean… yeah, it’s about her. Or you, I guess?”

“Me?”

Namjoon nods. He takes a deep breath and shoves his hands in his pockets. “You. You and her.”

“I don’t even know her, Namjoonie.”

He sighs. “You are her.”

You’re every meme of confused people trying to do math. You think you probably have a literal question mark above your head. You think you heard him right but… but there’s no way that it’s what he meant.

“What?”

Namjoon looks like it’s almost painful to keep speaking, also a little apologetic. “I like you,” he says, shrugging. “I like you so much, and I’m a dick for agreeing to be your roommate when I felt that way, and I thought after that one time… Well, I thought maybe you needed more and that’s why it never happened again, so I started going to the gym more and trying to… I don’t know. Be more?” He runs a hand through his hair and slumps against the counter. “I just like you so much and I wanted you to like me, too. But I—”

“You like me?”

“Oh, fuck, so much.” It’s almost out like a breath, floats through the space between the two of you, waves itself in front of your face.

“That’s why you thought it would be weird to be roommates…” you say, pieces clicking together.

“Yeah,” Namjoon agrees. “And why I tried to get biceps like Jimin and why I leave you love notes on the fridge, and why I wrote you a whole song about how incredible you are, how you make me feel, and how much I want you even though you don’t want me back…”

“Biceps like Jimin?”

“You said they were nice…”

“Oh my god.” Little details of the past few months since you slept together all start floating around in your head and you see it so clearly now, it all starts to make sense, all the silly little things Namjoon does for you because it’s you, because he likes you… and oh no…

“Namjoon.”

“Yeah?” He’s painfully cute like this—nervous and a little shy, hair falling into his eyes like it can protect him from looking right at you.

You take a couple of steps closer to him. “I like you, too.”

“You what?”

“I like you, too. Just the way you are. I like all the nice small things you do for me, I like how you think, I like how you smell like soap all the time ‘cause you take a million showers… I like living with you… I like your records and your books and… And it’s stupid probably, but I save all your doodles like a teenager would ‘cause I just like you so fucking much… And I’m the bad friend, the one who moved in with you even though I liked you like this. I thought I would get over it. I thought… I don’t know. I thought after we slept together you just wanted to be friends, so I’ve been trying so hard, but…”

“It’s awful,” he says, a giant grin on his face as he watches you stumble through your confession. “I thought you just wanted to be friends, too. You left before I could ask you to stay.”

“Yeah, it is awful. Liked you since that first day in the library.”

“Fuck, me too. We’re so ridiculous.”

“Jin was right, we’re the worst,” you whisper.

“You are!” You hear Jin call from the living room.

You let your head fall forward and bury it in Namjoon’s chest as he wraps an arm (with a perfectly sized bicep, you note, reminding yourself to tell him later) around you and laughs into your hair.

“You’re listening to us?” you protest.

“Hard not to,” Yoongi answers, “small apartment.”

“You fucked?!” Hoseok yells.

“Oh my god,” you moan into Namjoon’s shirt.

“I bet they made love,” you hear a dreamy-voiced Jimin chime in.

You can feel Namjoon’s laugh rumble through his chest against your ear. It’s the best feeling you’ve felt in months.

“So,” you start, pulling your head off his chest, but letting him slide his arm down yours until you’re loosely holding hands. “What now?”

“Well, we should probably talk.”

You peek around him to see your friends all staring at you. “Maybe later?” you ask.

“Later is good.” Namjoon smiles so so big. You love knowing that you’re the one making him feel happy, you think you’re a little ridiculous for being jealous of some other non-existent girl this whole time.

“We like each other,” you say, still a little in shock.

“We do.”

Then, because you’re you, and you have not ever once been cool in front of Kim Namjoon, you lift your palm up. And because he’s him, and now you know he probably thinks he has never once been cool around you, he gives you a high five, his palm connecting with yours and then lingering there while you look at each other and you try not to lift up on your toes and kiss the shit out of him.

“Did they just high five?” Hoseok asks, incredulous.

“They’re so weird. Do you remember when they shook hands on being roommates when it was so obvious they wanted to jump each other on the couch? They probably kissed no tongue and called it sex,” Seokjin says, unhelpfully.

“Hey!” you shout. “We can hear you!”

“The sex was really great, for your information,” Namjoon says, and your face heats immediately.

“It was,” you agree, if for no other reason than it really really was. And you want to make Seokjin as uncomfortable as possible. “Namjoon really knows wh—”

“This is going to be even worse than them being oblivious, isn’t it?” Yoongi asks no one in particular, cutting you off.

But that night after your friends leave, and you do get the chance to kiss Namjoon again, who is now not only your roommate, but your boyfriend, you know Yoongi couldn’t have been more wrong. This is infinitely better than being oblivious to Namjoon's feelings.

“What do you see in me?” he says into the ceiling, sweaty and a little hazy post-orgasm, after you’d made sure to seal your new arrangement properly. No high fives, no handshakes, just long kisses and nervous touches turning more sure, Namjoon making sure to whisper into your skin how much he cares for you, how sexy he thinks you are, how long he’s waited to have you again like this…

(And you returning those words, moving your hips in slow circles in his lap, fingernails trailing across his shoulders as you tell him how good he is, how gorgeous he looks, how his biceps are the exact right size for you to squeeze—which makes him laugh while he fucks you, and if that’s not the best thing you’ll ever see in your life, you’re not sure what is...)

You lace your fingers with his and turn to him, thinking about all the things you love about him, how all those pieces layer together to make something so big that it seems to take up your whole heart. “I like all the small things that make you, you.”

And he kisses you as a reply, lips soft and sweet on yours, and you decide that from now on, Tuesdays are for kissing your boyfriend in the moonlight and making sure he knows exactly how much you like him so that neither of you are ever unsure again.

#namjoon fic #namjoon smut #namjoon imagine #namjoon x you #namjoon x reader #namjoon fluff #namjoon fanfiction #knj x reader #kvanity #btshoneyhive #bts smut #bts fluff #bts writing #bts fanfic #bts imagines

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hunflowers · 1 year

Text

pull me in

a/n: okayyyyyyyy a little writing because i missed writing but it's been hard writing a big story. satellite blurb about friend!harry and (thought to be) unrequited love hehe

Everyone knew the feelings you two had for each other. The feelings that went unannounced every day for years.

The constant questions you would ask about him, wondering where he was. The constant wondering if you actually liked him or if he was just reading you wrong. It was like this for years but life kept going, never once allowing you to stop and think, eventually causing you to drift apart.

The infatuation, admiration, and love were persistent, though, no matter how far apart you grew. You weren't exactly sure why.

When you turned eighteen, you went off to university in London to study education, and Harry had pursued his career in music. You had your mutual friends but it had been years since you physically saw or spoke to him. You had boyfriends and lovers and focused intently on your studies and career, so the pestering thought of a particular famous musician should've gone away. It was your plan, after all.

After a night out where you drunkenly admitted your feelings to an also drunk Harry and him not saying anything in return, you made sure to never embarrass yourself like that again.

Unbeknownst to you, however, Harry didn't hear you. Between the music, the slur of your words, and the guy talking in his left ear, he couldn't make out what you were trying to tell him. When he was trying to read your lips and form some sentence in his head, he saw the look on your face change and the smile you had quickly shaped into a frown. He was ready to ask you to repeat yourself but then that guy talking in his left ear stepped between you two to start talking to someone nearby. Then you ran off and Harry never knew what it was that you said.

It was a sore subject so even if your friends tried to talk to you about Harry and that night, you would quickly dismiss them, urging them to talk about anything else. Because you were so certain there was nothing to even talk about. He didn't harbor the same feelings as you, and that's okay, you couldn't force him to like you.

Over the course of the nearly ten years since that happened, you would be lying if you said you didn't listen to his music at all or notice him on tabloid covers. It was very hard to fully avoid someone that famous from your hometown who is still friends with your friends.

Though, you did a pretty good job if you did say so yourself. Through the rollout of his first two albums and the many invitations to his concerts, you always respectfully declined, saying you had too much to do to spend a night with screaming fangirls pining over the same man as you.

"Y/N, c'mon, it'll be fun! You haven't had a proper night out in a long time," Lynn, one of the few remaining links between you and Harry, and also your best friend, said. She pouted her lips, clasping her hands together and holding them under her chin to really emphasize her puppy-dog look. She had seen this trick far too many times with her students that she's immunized.

You shook your head, continuing to fold your laundry. "Sorry, babe, I'm just not feeling up for it. Concerts aren't m'thing."

Lynn scoffed, "No, his concerts aren't your thing. Which, in my opinion, is crazy because he knows how to put on a good show."

"That's great but I'm still not going."

"It's a free ticket!"

"Sorry."

It was the same fight for years. You just didn't want to go no matter how much your friends hype him up.

With his third album, however, your opinion slightly changed. Release day came and you picked a few songs to listen to. You liked them all which wasn't a surprise, but then you heard 'Satellite'.

You had no reason to believe it was about you because surely you weren't that lucky. But then you listened to it again and again. You got a new life, am I bothering you?

You called Lynn immediately. You had to know if someone else had the same thought. "I think so. I mean, he's been asking about you a lot lately, so I wouldn't be surprised."

"What do you mean he's been asking about me?"

"What else could that mean, Y/N?"

You sat in silence for a moment biting on your bottom lip. "What have you told him?"

"We've been telling him you 'aven't got time with anyone anymore because you only care about work."

"Lynn-"

"It's true, babe. You can't tell me it's not."

I can see you're lonely down there.

You laid in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. Before the phone call ended, Lynn said he invited you lot to his One Night Only show in London. She told you not to give her an answer yet and to actually think about this one before going off and dismissing everyone again.

You didn't think though because the next morning as soon as you woke up, you agreed to go. Just this once. For the experience. That's all.

You were so nervous when the day finally came. You asked if you would be seeing him before or after the show and Lynn said, "Probably both. Take a deep breath, it'll be fun."

You were let backstage when you arrived, escorted to a lounge where Harry and his family already were.

You nearly stopped in your tracks at the sight of him. It was a while since you’ve last been this close to him — but honestly, it wasn’t until you saw his face that you realized you truly have missed him.

You can’t decide how pathetic that is just yet, so you opt to get a drink from the mini bar set up before getting the chance to embarrass yourself.

However, Harry had also spotted you right away. He nearly leapt up from his seat when he saw that you actually took him up on his invitation. He remained cool though, casually getting up and making his way over towards you.

“Y/N, hi, I’m so glad y’decided to come,” Harry spoke behind you, causing you to jump a little at the suddenness. You turned around, nearly at the same distance when you last confessed your feelings. You got a small little flashback to that time but quickly disregarded it, giving him a small smile before reaching over for a hug.

“I figured it was time to see just how good you are,” you laughed, making him give a small chuckle in return. Without either of you realizing, the hug lasted a good while. You just stood there in each other’s embrace because this was a moment long in the making. You had every right to embrace it — and him.

And when that moment came that you both realized you should probably let go, you did; but not completely. Your hands remained on his shoulders and his on your hips as you stared into each others eyes, trying to read whatever emotions you could.

Was this good? Was this what you needed? Could you tell if he’s missed you as much as you have him?

You think yes is the answer to all of these questions. You both shared a small smile before completely distancing, waving him goodbye as he was urged to make his way to stage.

Lynn was watching the whole thing from across the room. Little to your knowledge, Lynn told Harry what happened that night all those years ago. How you confessed your feelings and was heartbroken because it seemed like he didn’t even care that you told him.

He did care. A lot. But by the time she told Harry, you had already began your distancing, opting to never seeing him again, despite him wanting to talk a few times. So he moved on just like you did, or so he thought he did (or so you thought you did).

But in that very moment, you, Harry, and Lynn knew that this was the start of something beautiful, this was the start of something that should’ve happened a long time ago. And when he goes on stage tonight to sing that special song, he’ll be looking for you, singing it for you.

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in.

#so this has been in my drafts forever????? didn’t even realize #i never quite finished the ending but i figured y’all deserve to read this #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles

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maxverstappensflatbrim · 5 months

Text

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [45]

chapter forty-five, act six: be my mistake

masterlist

December 25th 2017

Sniffling and rubbing her nose with the back of her wrist she pulls herself to stand, still clutching the letter in her left hand she rubs her eyes and makes her way to the door. She pulls her familiar red zip up tighter around herself, covering up the AM shirt she wears as her hand meets the door knob.

The breath is knocked right out of her as she steps back and stars out the front door.

“Hey…”

She doesn’t say anything. Just closes her mouth and swallows the lump rising in her throat.

His eyes cast down to her hand and he nods his head towards the crumpled paper, “You read the letter?”

“I just finished it.”

Matty smiles weakly as he looks at her, “And?”

“And?” She repeats the word right back to him in the same tone.

She can’t stop staring at him. It’s him, it’s really him, it’s her Matty. He looks so much more healthy now. His face has colour again, it’s bitten red from the cold and he’s hiding in his long coat to try and fight off the air. His hair has grown back, she’d seen a photo of him online a few days after he got out. He’d shaved his head. But it’s back a curly mess on top of his head now.

“And,” He says slowly, hands pushing deeper into his pockets, “What did you think?”

“You were right about one thing.” She tells him and he raises one brow, “You’re a dickhead.”

He nods and looks down at his feet as he closes his eyes. Allen nudges at Tommie’s hand, the one still clutching the letter and she looks down at him.

It’s as if he’s asking her if he can see his owner. Knowing the pain she has been in and that Matty is the one who caused it.

Allen’s ears are down and his tail is between his legs as he looks up at her, she smiles softly causing his tail to wag and then she nods.

As soon as he has her approval he jumps at Matty, his ears perked as he slobbers all over him and almost knocks him to the ground.

“Hey, bud, I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Do you wanna come in?”

He follows her in, hangs his coat on the rack, lines his shoes up against the wall and then lets her lead him to the living room.

His hand fiddles in his pocket for a few moments before he brings out a wrapped gift, “I uh-” He pauses and just slowly holds his hand out, “Merry Christmas-”

“Matt-”

“Please.”

She nods and takes it from him, “Wait,” He reaches out and clasps both of his hands around hers. She freezes, “Don’t open it yet.”

She nods, voice quiet, “Okay…”

Her eyes glance down and he lets go quickly. She realises her mistake and tries to reach out for him but he turns away.

“How-How have you been?” She asks him.

He nods and pushes his hands further into the pockets of his trousers, “Good.”

It’s a lie. They both know it.

“Do you want a drink? Something to-” She curses and then runs into the kitchen, he follows her quickly pursing his lips to try not to laugh when she brings out the burnt pizza.

She sighs, dropping the pan onto the stove and leaning back, “You never were a good cook.”

She hits his arm as he lets out a giggle and allows a smile of her own to show for just a moment. He studies it, from the way her eyes have that special little sparkle to the way her cheeks become rosy as they stretch.

“How have you been?” He repeats her question back to her and she stands a little straighter.

“Good.”

“Really?”

She nods, giving him another small smile, “I’ve been good.”

“Keeping busy?” She nods, “Adam told me you’ve been helping Phoebe.”

“Her first album came out a few months ago.”

He nods, “I listened. Could see you in a few songs.”

“I helped with guitar.” She tells him, a smile brightens her face for a few seconds as she thinks of Phoebe. Some colour returns to her cheeks. When the smile falls again she looks paler than before.

“I saw what happened with Braun.”

She sighs and stops picking up the dog toys scattered around her living room to fully face him, “You want a drink?”

“Please.”

She walks for the kitchen and he follows after her as she reaches for two cups and sets them down.

She grips the handle of her fridge, “Preference?”

“I’ll have anything.”

She nods and grips a bottle of fanta, he purses his lips. Not his favourite and she knows it.

She pours two cups and passes one to him as she leans against the kitchen island, peering out her back window into the frosty air of Christmas day.

“Jamie and Adam both kept me updated on the court case.” She nods slowly. She knew one of the guys would be telling Matty. Of course they would. “I’m sorry nothing came of it.”

She shrugs, “We came to an agreement. I get half the writing credits and they get to keep the song under their name.” She scoffs, “Doesn’t matter, he still has my book.”

“You were forced to an agreement, there’s a difference.”

“It was either that or be harassed by his American fangirls because of what I did.”

She looks down and Matty blinks at her slowly, “What you did? You say it like you did something wrong.”

“He seems to think I did.”

Matty shakes his head and then moves from where he’s leaning against the wall to grab her hands, he bends his knees to meet her eyes. “Please don’t let him make you feel guilty.”

She refuses to look at him, eyes still staring out the window.

Tommie has always been full of guilt. It’s one of her biggest issues. Guilt for leaving behind her family. Guilt for never being a good daughter. Guilt that even with all this money and influential power she can’t change issues in the world. Guilt for things out of her control.

It isn’t a hard task to make her feel guilty about something. She probably already does.

“Baby, look at me please.”

The moment the old name is coming from his mouth her eyes have snapped to meet his. Her brows furrow and her eyes gloss over with stars. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Did you want kids?” She shakes her head and he nods at the same time, “Did you do what you wanted?” She nods and then he shrugs, “Nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong.”

“Then why do I feel so dirty?”

His shoulders deflate, his eyes soften and brows draw together as he quickly shakes his head. “You’re not.”

He can’t believe this. That she’s been alone with these thoughts for so long. Without anyone. Without him.

“Can you do what you said in the letter?”

“What’s that?”

“Hold me.”

His arms are tugging her into his chest the moment the two words leave her lips, one hand on her back the other pressing her head into his chest as his eyes close in bliss.

He has been waiting to feel her touch for months, years. He’s never felt so alive. It’s like there’s oxygen in his lungs once again. Like he can finally breathe.

“Tommie, I just want to say-”

“No.” She shakes her head quickly, her arms tighten around his waist, “It’s Christmas, let’s just be Baby and Roddy today.”

He nods and squeezes her a little tighter when she mumbles, “I missed you.” Her hands grip his shirt, knuckles turning white, “I missed you so much. Will you stay?”

“Only if you want me to.”

“I need you to.”

He nods again, “Then I will. As long as you need me to.”

An hour later Tommie is curled up on her sofa with a knitted blanket thrown over the top of her. Matty relaxes further back into the cushions, her head in his lap. He lets his hands run through her hair, twisting and twirling strands around his long fingers.

He’s missed her hair. He’s missed the way she’d always need to be near him. He’s missed that little crinkle on her nose. And her crows feet in the corner of her eyes. And her one dimple that always shows when she smiles. And her laugh. And her snort when she laughs. He missed the way she’d mouth the words to her favourite films. He’s missed hearing her hum the song stuck in her head all day. Missed feeling her fingers drum a beat on his thigh as she’d try to get inspiration. Missed trying to sneak peeks of her poetry or songwriting when she wasn’t paying attention.

He’s missed touching her. A soft hand on her shoulder, a squeeze of her wrist. Any kind of contact. Matty didn’t think it was physically possible to feel pain from missing someone but he has. An ache deep in his stomach, the pit of his heart. An ache that came from his guilt and loneliness.

“Where are you staying?” She asks, bringing him from his thoughts.

“At home.”

“Alone?” She shifts closer to him, hand curling under his shirt and pressing into his warm stomach.

He gasps at the cold touch but it’s worth it at the mischievous smile she hides into his thigh. There’s five things he’s missed all in that one moment.

“If you need any help- anything, you’ll come to me, right?” She lifts herself off of him to look at him better, “You won’t suffer in silence. I know I probably won’t understand but I can try to help.”

He wraps his arm around her and pulls her into his shoulder kissing her hairline and letting his lips rest there. He wants to feel her as long as he possibly can, at least until he messes up again.

“You’re already helping.” He promises, “This is the healthiest I’ve felt since leaving.”

“Who picked you up?”

“G.”

“Have you seen the rest of the guys?”

He nods, “I have.”

“Ross?”

“Yup.”

“Ads?”

“Yeah.”

“Jam-”

“I’ve seen them all.” He laughs.

“What about Denise?”

“Last week.”

“You waited until last week?”

He nods, “She wasn’t happy. But I was just so- so scared.” She takes his hand that he's buried into her red locks and holds it between both of hers, turning it over to trace the lines of his palm with her eyes, “She did everything for me to not go down the same path as her. And I did. I did knowing the struggles and the things she had to overcome.”

“Doesn’t matter what you did, as long as you fixed it.”

He scoffs and she rises to sit on her knees. They push into his thigh and she moves his face to look at him, “You’re a good person, Matty.” She lowers her voice and leans so close their foreheads touch, “Please believe in that.”

She closes her eyes as she takes in the feeling of him.

Matty lifts his chin, his nose pushes against hers. Resistance. He should stop. Should think of her nose as a shield. A form of protection against him. He doesn’t stop.

He pushes forward connecting his lips with hers in a soft kiss as he pushes upwards. Her hands fist his curls and just as she lifts one leg ready to straddle his waist he’s stood from the sofa and pushed her aside.

“I-I… Tommie.”

She lands with a quiet ‘oomph’ on the plush cushions of her sofa. Falling between the mountains of pillows and throws.

“Matt, it’s fi-”

He’s shaking his head and begins walking to the hallway. By the time the shock and embarrassment wears off and she forces herself after him he’s got both shoes on, with his hand reaching for his jacket.

“Matt.”

“I have to go.” He tells her as he pulls his long coat over his arms. He tries to fasten the buttons, but his hands shake and she reaches out to stop him. She claps her hands over both of hers, dropping them to his sides and then gripping the coat to keep him close.

This time it’s his hands that cover hers, both of them engulfing hers smaller ones as he pries them from his jacket. He can’t look at her. But he can't tear his eyes away from her face.

“Matt?”

“I’m sorry.”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart, @indierockgirrl, @sofaritsalrightt, @julezs-bl0g, @eaglestar31, @sophinthealpss, @noacfemcel, @if-my-heart-bleeds, @befrwime, @fallingforel, @sexorchocolateorpillowsorclouds, @3terna15unshin3, @1975sophie1975, @thesocraticjunkiewannabe, @littlesoldierelleora, @procrastinatinglikeapro, @beatr2x, @byyourside28

-let me know if you want to be added :)

#show me yours matty healy #matty healy x oc #matty healy x reader #matty healy imagine #the 1975 x oc

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maitaiwiththecorpses · 10 months

Text

Things That People With Kiddos Should Know As Someone With Kiddos

This is by no means an extensive list of things parents/guardians/caretakers should know and take into account when raising and taking care of kids, nor is this telling you how to run a household or parent, however, from my experience, these things can make your life SO MUCH EASIER and make the relationship with your kiddos and you much smoother. I'm mostly going to be focusing on more adolescent-specific topics, but a lot of this advice can be applied to kids of all ages. Some of these things that I mention might work perfectly for you and your kiddos, and some of them might not. Some of them you might have to practice working on or modify them to fit your situation. Not everything on here is golden for everyone, and not everything on here is trash either. What works for one situation might not work for another.

With that being said, let's get to it.

Take your kids clothes shopping in person as much as possible. Make them try everything that they pick on. Kid's measurements are weird and are going to be changing drastically throughout their lives. Find the clothes they like and fit into in person and buy them online for cheaper (or in person. Whatever floats your boat)

Do not waste money on surprises unless you know FOR A FACT that they're going to like it! What does for a fact mean? Well, they've either explicitly stated that they want the item, or dropped some obvious as hell hints! Do not go guessing and buying based on what you think they'll like, or what you like. That's setting you, and your kid up for failure.

Be interested in things they're interested in. Your kid likes Taylor Swift? Cool! Your reaction should be "awesome, you wanna listen to the Era's Tour setlist in the car?" or, "what's your favorite album, let's listen to it together!"

Similarly, if your kiddo creates (art, music, poetry, stories, crafts, woodwork, videos, coding, etc,.) BE INTERESTED IN THAT. Consume their work! Show interest in it! Ask to read their writing, ask to see their art, ask to listen to their compositions. They might not say yes, but make it clear that you want to, and that's something that excites you. This will bring your kiddo joy.

DO NOT. AND I REPEAT. DO NOT. BELITTLE THEIR INTERESTS. Remember: You were once a kid with wacky interests, too. Kids are always searching for validation, whether they exhibit it or not. And even if they aren't? It's just a dick move to make fun of them for something they like.

buy pencils, pens, and notebooks in bulk. You'll need them.

Oh, and sticky notes.

If your kiddo comes to you for help of any kind, academic or otherwise, you damn well help them. "I need help studying for my math test tomorrow," ok, whaddya struggling with? How can I help? Do you just need a body double here, or should I do some problems with you?

give them notes. In their lunches, on their desks, in presents, on the fridge- hell, stick it on their doors! It doesn't have to be anything long- just a simple "morning!" or, "have a great day!" works, too.

Tell them you love them and that you're proud of them. Regularly. I know there are some people who think that makes their kids soft but I assure you, you're doing the exact opposite. By building your kids up, and regularly telling them that you love them and are proud of them, they know that they are valued and worthy and loved. This will set them up for success later in life and make them emotionally intelligent and flexible. Also, kids don't hear it enough these days.

They're going to see some scary shit. You can't avoid it. This past year I had to report three attempted suicides and many more cases of self-harm that came from other peers and people I was very close to. I initially was not processing the fact that someone so close to me was hurting themselves or trying to kill themselves, and the reporting process (sometimes even involving police) was extremely traumatizing. When I finally did cry, it came days later, and even today someone might say the name of one of these people and I will immediately shut down and change my whole demeanor. And I know our kiddos are experiencing these things, so please, be there for your kids and always tell them that telling adults when someone they know is hurting themselves or trying to end their life is important and could save their friends and loved ones.

Be prepared for your kids to have some kind of mental illness or learning disability. Do not try and gaslight them by saying that it's "all in their heads" (no shit?) or that they're "making things up." take everything seriously. "Mom, I think I have adhd," alright, let's see a doctor and do some research. "Tia, I'm so tired all the time and I just want to disappear," darling, that's not healthy, that's a sign of depression- you're important and loved, how about we set up a session with a therapist so you can talk to someone about these feelings who can help you better than I can?

Always be prepared to help your kiddos and reach out to licensed professionals who can help them.

carry snacks with you everywhere. And not that healthy shit, either. Within your kid's eating restrictions, get something like a chocolate chip granola bar or a Reese's cup and stick it in your going-out bag. It will save your life when hungry time comes around.

Don't be surprised if your kids are queer in some shape or form. Support them, love them unconditionally, make sexuality puns as needed ("if you're not dating anyone rn, does that mean you're on stand-bi?") and do your own research in regard to sexuality and gender.

help them get ready for school dances and stuff. Makeup, hair, clothes, pickup lines, the whole ordeal. I promise you they're going to love you for it.

Make the puberty/sex talk a casual yet thorough thing. You want to cover all the information, but you don't want to make it so uptight that they never want to talk about it again or ask any questions. Pull up diagrams, do the whole shebang, but make it clear that they don't have to memorize everything in that very moment. Questions are ok, even after the fact.

Take them to the library.

For all your menstruating kiddos out there, stock up on pads and tampons and anything else they use every month/every other month depending on how much they use. Don't make it seem like a hassle, don't make difficult, just do it without question. If they tell you they like a certain brand or type/size/etc, adhere to that and respect it. Menstruating is uncomfortable as is, don't make it worse by not listening to your kid's needs.

Give them this thing I like to call Cuddle Days (or sensory overload days, or Overstimulated, Get Me Outta Here days). These are the kinda days that can show up on weekends after a long week and basically it's a ton of movies, pillow forts, blankets, and comfort food. And lots of cuddles, of course.

Don't guilt trip them for existing having needs. Your kids are going to need a lot and do a lot and they are grateful, but it just feels weird to express that feeling of gratitude as a teenager.

And, most importantly, let them be kids. Let them have pillow fights, and roll on the grass. Hang fairy lights up and tell them stories. Giggle about their crushes with them, and paint your nails together. Play Mario Cart and eat takeout together. Kids are so complex and amazing and it would be a shame if we took away the part about being kids in the process of them growing up, because one day they're not gonna be our babies anymore.

#parenting #parents #family #kids #teenagers #parenting tips #parenting advice

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atzupdates · 11 months

Text

[230628] Consequence Article: 10 Dynamic Pop Albums ATEEZ Think Every Music Fan Should Own

1. SZA - SOS

HONGJOONG: I’ve been so into this album lately. SOS itself is so organic, and with SZA’s voice, it’s music that you wouldn’t get tired of even if you listened to the entire album on repeat all day long. I can honestly say that it’s an album that awakened a new taste in music that I never realized I had.

2. DPR IAN - Moodswings in to Order

SEONGHWA: The videos and concept are so fascinating and extremely cool. And the music, of course, is to my taste and preference. I’ve actually been largely influenced by the style from this album.

3. Christopher - Under the Surface

YUNHO: Every single track on this album, even the B-side tracks, are my style! I can honestly say that every song on this album is my type of song.

4. ATEEZ - SPIN OFF : FROM THE WITNESS

YEOSANG: This is an ATEEZ album, but I wanted to bring it up because I personally really like the style and mood of the album. I loved performing the title track off the EP a lot, too.

5. EXO - DON'T MESS UP MY TEMPO

SAN: This would definitely be my personal pick for a top album because it’s one that largely inspired me as an artist on stage. I grew my own dreams of being an artist while listening to their songs and watching their performances.

6. Calvin Harris - Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 2

MINGI: I’ve always been a huge fan of Calvin Harris, but I really like the overall vibe of this album, so it’s my favorite. It’s got so many songs that are great for easy listening, so it’s an album that I’m really fond of.

7. Shawn Mendes - Illuminate

WOOYOUNG: There’s a lot of memories tied to this album, and Shawn Mendes is an artist whose vocals have really inspired me as an artist. I remember when we used to listen to this album a lot as trainees, and even do vocal practices using his music. Each and every single song on this album is a masterpiece! I’d love to collaborate with him one day.

8. Bruno Mars - XXIVK Magic

JONGHO: Every single song on this album is amazing. It’s an understatement to say that his music has given me so much inspiration vocally. This album in particular really makes you think, because it’s simply enthralling how one person’s vocals can express so many different genres! After listening to all the songs on this album, it made me want to work even harder to broaden my spectrum and range.

9. Charlie Puth - Voicenotes

ATEEZ: We listened to this album a lot in the car on our way to and from different work schedules during promotions, so it brings back a lot of memories. Definitely one for the road that brings back a lot of memories we’ve had together as a group.

10. EDEN - RYU : 川

ATEEZ: This is an album that we listened to a lot as trainees that gave us comfort. We learned and gained inspiration from this album during our early days as a group. And though we work with him frequently now as our producer, it wasn’t as easy to see EDEN back then. We would listen to his songs, study them, and receive comfort from them.

#ateez #m: all #type: article #content: consequence #era: the world ep 2 : outlaw

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cult-of-husbandos · 2 years

Note

Can I ask you to make a scenario about how your tsundere boyfriend reacts when you spend less time with him, and spend more time with his friend. You know when the tsundere thinking that you are breaking up with him, creating a big misunderstanding, and try to prevent it by changing his looks and personalities for you

arata ryuu [tsundere] - You're Mine, Not His!!

genre: angst, fluff, typical tsundere vibes

word count: 10.3k

warnings: none.

Your boyfriend, Arata Ryuu, was not the most… eloquent person on the planet. Nor was he the most thoughtful boyfriend in the world. For instance, if you both were on a date and you suggested a place he’d outright tell you that you didn’t have an inkling of fun in your entire body. Now, you know in your heart and mind that he doesn't mean to say ruthless and mean things, but sometimes it gets harder and harder to ignore that your boyfriend once told you that you made the Kardashians look like Einstein while on a study date. Or when he tells you that your hair looks stupid and inconvenient when you’re trying out a new style. OR when he told you in the middle of the date that you ‘must crave attention’ because your outfit made one man’s head turn. However, despite all this you’ve come to love your spiteful and brutally honest boyfriend. He has his sweet and gentle side that rears its head every once in a while. Mostly, when you’re upset and depressed. He’s never failed to put a smile on your face or cheer you up. He’s even better at giving self-care than you are to yourself. You honestly wouldn’t trade in your boyfriend for anything in the world, but sometimes you wish he could be a little more sensitive to your feelings and open to ideas that you had.

Like, today. You just scored two tickets to a concert of your favorite band. Die hard fans would kill to get these tickets. But…

“What do you mean you don’t wanna go?!”

“I don’t know what language you want me to repeat that simple sentence in so I’ll say it again slowly for you. I. Do not. Want. To. Go. To. A. Stupid. Stray Kids. Concert.”

You’ve never wanted to throttle a person more than you want to throttle your boyfriend right now. Moving aside that he just called Stray Kids ‘stupid’, he loves Kpop. Sure he’s more of a SHINee and MAMAMOO fanboy but when you first started dating he said he actually liked a few of their songs you used to play in the car. Ugh! Why on this day of all days was he choosing to be stubborn?

“I heard you the first time! What I mean is why don’t you wanna go? We haven’t been on a date in a while! I thought you liked their songs. Plus, you’re always saying that I never want to do anything fun. Well, here’s two of the most unobtainable tickets on the market and it's the first row.”

“Okay. First, going to a hot, sweaty, crowded concert where I only know their songs from older albums surrounded by feral fangirls doesn’t sound like fun. It sounds like a speedrun to needing hearing aids and never wanting children. Second, I do like their songs and they're pretty decent but I think I’d rather stay at home where it’s nice and quiet than go to a concert to watch you drool over some pretty boys.”

“Ugh! You are so unbelievable! Just forget it! Have fun at home watching the East of Eden over and over again, you ungrateful jerk!”

You stormed off with a red face and stinging eyes not bothering to listen to the distant calls of your boyfriend. And he has the nerve to call you boring! Can’t he just appreciate the effort that you went through to get these tickets and at least tell you in a normal, gentle way that he didn’t want to go?

‘‘Oh, thank you so much (Y/N) for thinking about me but I don’t really listen to Stray Kids all that much. I wouldn’t have as much fun as you because I don’t know any of their new songs. I’m sorry.’’ Why couldn’t he just say that instead of making me feel like an idiot for thinking about him in the first place!’

You kept a sour face all the way home and had a disgruntled face when you went to sleep. Needless to say, you didn’t get much sleep that night and it was rightfully your stupid boyfriend’s fault. As you were getting ready to go to your classes you looked at your Stray Kids tickets on your desk. You let out a sigh.

‘What am I going to do with these now?’ You picked up the tickets and frowned. You had imagined going to the concert with your boyfriend and having fun watching the boys in the front row and bonding over your shared love of Kpop. Now that was just a distant fantasy as you remember Ryuu’s words. You sighed pitifully and put them back down on the desk. ‘Maybe I can find someone who’ll want to go with me.’ With that in mind, you finished getting ready and headed towards your classes.

—

“Ugh… that was the longest 3 hours of my life…” you complained, walking out of the lecture hall. Maybe you should switch majors after all. That stuff you just learned was more complex and disorientating than anything else in your other classes. You wanted nothing more than to go back home and sleep in your nice, warm bed.

‘Should I just skip my last class? I’m soo tired… and I’m pretty sure that professor uploads class logs onto the canvas. Bleh… I wonder if this is what my parents envisioned my college life to be. Wondering if their child should skip a 2 hour class because they’re so exhausted from stewing over their boyfriend.’

A deep grumble interrupted your thoughts. You rubbed your stomach and sighed pitifully again. You weren’t in the mood to eat anything for breakfast this morning. So now you’re tired and hungry. Mulling over your choices you decided to skip your last class of the day and head to the cafeteria for an early lunch. It won’t hurt to miss one class. You walked into the cafeteria and looked at the menu. Nothing that you wanted was being served today, but you couldn’t spend your money ordering out this time. You ordered some ramen and sat down at an empty table. As you filled your belly with ramen, you sighed deeply. Thinking about your money troubles made you think again about the concert tickets burning a hole in your bank account.

‘Everyone that I asked to go to the concert either with me has classes on that day or have plans. I’ve asked all my friends and even some group project members. If I go alone then I’ll just be that loser who goes to a concert all by themselves and looks like an idiot singing by myself. But if I don’t go then I’ll just have worthless and expired tickets sitting in my drawer and I’ll start crying every time I look at my bank account…’ You sigh again and hold your cheek, ‘Maybe I’ll just sell the tickets. That way I’ll most likely get even more money than I spent to get them because they're so rare and I’ll just find something else to do with that money…’

You were so deep in thought that you jumped when you felt someone tap you on the shoulder. Whipping your head back, you saw a familiar face smiling at you. It was your boyfriend’s childhood best friend. His name is Tachibana Eiji, or Ei-chan as you like to call him. Ryuu introduced him to you when you both started getting serious about each other. Ei-chan is the polar opposite of your boyfriend. He’s sweet, gentle, caring, out-going, very personal, and extremely extroverted. He can make friends with just about anyone. You’d often wonder how he and your boyfriend became friends in the first place. Ryuu and Ei-chan didn’t even like the same things. The only thing they shared a common interest in is video games. Specifically, Genshin Impact. You’ve often lost many date nights with Ryuu because of that game. Ei-chan is also extremely attractive and super popular with both women and men. Not to say that your boyfriend isn’t attractive, but if you put the two together Ei-chan stands out the most. He always has his hair dyed a super bright color and also wears colored contacts. He’s super fashionable like he just stepped off a photoshoot and he’s always so modest and chivalrous. Hmm… maybe you chose the wrong best friend to date.

Ei-chan chuckled. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you like that. I’ve been calling your name for a while, but you looked so out of it. You must’ve been thinking about something super hard to drown out the world like that.” he said, taking a seat right next to you.

You let out a nervous laugh. “Heh, yeah. Sorry about that. I didn’t even realize I was thinking that hard. It was over something super stupid anyway.”

“Hehe. You shouldn’t drown out the world like that. Someone will take advantage of you.”

“What? Please Ei-chan. I’m not a little kid. I can handle myself.” you say with a pout.

Ei-chan laughed. “Yeah, yeah. You can’t blame a guy for worrying. You’re my best friend’s partner. I have to be vigilant and protective when he’s not here. You’re so cute that people always look like they want to steal you away. So when your boyfriend’s not here I have to protect you from those perverts and thieves.”

You felt your turn flush and you jabbed Ei-chan's arm. “S-Shut up. Don’t joke about something like that.” you stuttered, turning your attention back to your food. You forgot that Ei-chan always did that. Just saying things without thinking about it. He always blurts out whatever’s on his mind. Most people take it the wrong way and immediately think he’s being flirty. That’s why he has so many admirers. Your friends often told you that you should be dating Ei-chan instead of Ryuu. Even though Ei-chan is really popular he’s not dating anyone. He says that he’s keeping an eye out for someone special. Someone that’s perfect to him in every way. Even though that sounds super vague and like an impossible measure you kind of understand his preference. Even though he’s stubborn, mean, and a bit of a brute, Ryuu fits your ideal of a special someone. He’s perfect in every way to you.

“So, what was it?” Ei-chan asked, startling you out your thoughts once again.

“Hm? What was what?”

“What were you thinking about so hard that smoke was coming out of your ears?” Ei-chan laughed and gently caressed your ears causing your face to flush again. This guy… Always so touchy-touchy.

“Nothing.” you muttered quickly. “It was… just… something stupid…” You looked down at your steaming ramen. It was just a silly fight over concert tickets. Why did it get so heated? Ei-chan stared at you for a while before speaking again.

“Did you have a fight with Ry-chan?” he asked.

‘W-What?! How did he know that?! Did he read my mind or something? Wait… no… don’t be stupid, (Y/N). He’s Ryuu’s best friend… obviously he told him…’

“Um, yeah! Kind of. Did Ryuu tell you that?”

“Nope! Your face told me.”

“M-My face? What? Am I really that easy to read?”

“Hehe! Yeah, a little.”

You felt a little vulnerable. You didn’t know that your facial expressions were so easily read. Your parents and your friends told you that it looked like your face was made of stone when you were thinking. You’ve been told that it looks like you're angry when you think too hard, like when you’re studying. Ei-chan is super amazing if he can read you like a book without a cover.

“Hey, don’t look so down. He may be my best friend, but if I know Ry-chan it’s that he’s never hurt your feelings intentionally. Sometimes he has a hard time showcasing his emotions and his true thoughts and feelings. I’ve gotten pretty used to his attitude and I can read him super easily now. So, whatever happened, just know that Ry-chan likes you so much that he’ll most likely apologize by the next day.”

You smiled at Ei-chan defending ways. He’s right. He grew up with Ryuu so he probably knows what Ryuu’s thinking better than you. “You’re right. I know deep down that what he says isn’t what he really means, but sometimes I forget that I don’t know him like you and I let it hurt my feelings. Plus, I said some pretty mean things too. So, if anything it’s both our faults for being so childish. I’ll text him later.”

“So mature!” Ei-chan commented in a playful tone. “So, back to my question. What were you thinking so hard about? It can’t be just about the fight.”

‘Maybe he is a mind reader…’

“Oh. Well, I have two tickets for the Strays Kids concert. Ryuu said he didn’t want to go and-” you explained, but were immediately cut off.

“You have two tickets for the Strays Kids concert?!” Ei-chan shouted, nearly knocking over his chair in excitement as he stood up. “I’ve been trying to get those tickets for weeks, but they’re sold out everywhere! Even scalpers don’t have them! How’d you get them?! Oooh, can I go with you?! Please please please please pleeeeeease! I’ll do anything!”

You sat there shocked at the display. You’ve never seen Ei-chan act like this. He was the cool, calm, and level-headed guy. Now, he was on his knees begging and pleading in the middle of the cafeteria. You had no idea that Ei-chan could be this loud either.

“U-Umm… Ei-chan. People are staring…” you whispered, looking around and noticing all the eyes in your direction.

Ei-chan looked around and his face immediately flushed bright red. He sat back in his chair and cleared his throat.

“Um… I mean… if that’s okay with you… I’d really like to go…” he muttered quietly, fidgeting in his seat. His eyes were pleading. He looked like a puppy begging for a treat. You’ve never seen him so embarrassed before. Even someone as calm and cool as Ei-chan can get extremely loud and hyper. It’s honestly kinda cute…

You laughed at his flushed face. “Sure! Ryuu doesn’t want to go and I was planning on selling them so it’ll be fun to go with someone who likes them too.”

Ei-chan smiled brightly and hugged you, fully knocking over his chair. “Yes yes yes! Thank you so much (Y/N/N)! We’re gonna have so much fun! I totally owe you!”

It was now your turn to blush. You gently hugged him back. “I-It’s no problem, Ei-chan.” you stuttered, feeling envious eyes bore holes into you. “You can let no go now…”

Ei-chan pulled back with a laugh. “Sorry. When it comes to these things I’m a total fanboy. I couldn’t help my excitement.”

You smiled back. “It’s fine. Let’s finish eating. I’ll text you later about the time and place.”

“Sounds like a plan! Thanks again (Y/N)! You’re seriously awesome!”

You giggled and continued eating lunch with Ei-chan, making small talk and discussing what to wear to the concert and plans on how to get there. You’ve almost forgotten about your argument with Ryuu.

—

You finally arrived home, kicking your shoes off and tossing your bag on your couch. You were definitely feeling better than you were this morning. You plopped down on the couch and pulled out your phone to text Ryuu that you were sorry about saying mean things to him. However, you were surprised to see multiple messages from him.

You smiled at the messages. Ei-chan was right again. Even though he didn’t apologize directly it was obvious that he was upset about how things ended and texted you his true feelings that he wasn’t able to do directly. You quickly typed back.

Maybe you were wrong to judge your boyfriend so quickly. You weren’t used to his actions and behaviors like Ei-chan. It takes so getting used to. It wasn’t long before you heard your phone go off.

You laughed. You quickly texted back.

Before you could put your phone down you got another text.

His response seems kind of curt but maybe that’s you overthinking it. You stretched and stood up, looking at the clock. It was nearly three. You let out a yawn.

‘Hm, maybe I should get some work done from the missed class. Then, I think I earned myself a nap.’

You stumbled out of the car giggling uncontrollably at the feeling of your jelly legs. One might think you were drunk and coming back from an exciting night out. That wouldn;t be too far from the truth, minus the drunk part. The concert blew all expectations you had out of the water. You made the right choice bringing Ei-chan with you. He sang every song with you and danced just as goofily as you did. But, that’s not even the best thing to ever happen tonight.

You actually touched Felix.

THE LEE FELIX.

It was only a graze of hands, but it was enough to send you into a wild, feral frenzy. You nearly passed out on the spot. Luckily, E-chan was there to catch you and freak out with you. Ryuu never would’ve stood for another guy touching you, even if they were a celebrity. Speaking of which, you hadn’t seen or heard from him since you told him you were going to the concert with Ei-chan. You would be worried, but your boyfriend had a tendency of ghosting you for days and then talking to you again. It was just his personality you suppose. Some people are like that.

You're brought out of your thoughts when you hear a familiar laugh and a hand reaches out towards you. You looked up and saw Ei-chan’s bright smile as he helped you up.

“Hehe! That was so much fun!” you exclaimed, leaning up against Ei-chan as he helped you walk towards your apartment building. “You don’t have to walk me to my door y’know. It’s enough that you drove us halfway across town to get to the concert.”

“Aah don’t worry about it!” Ei-chan replied with another gentle smile. “It would've been a hassle to get a ride to and from the concert and I insisted. Plus, it’s super dark out. I’d be an inconsiderate moron if I didn’t make sure you made it inside your apartment safely.”

“Woow! Such a gentleman!” You feigned a swoon and Ei-chan laughed. As you walked up the stairs you saw a familiar figure standing at your door.

“Ryuu?” you called out, squinting to see the figure better.

The figure turned towards you and the figure’s face became clearer as you and Ei-chan walked closer. It was Ryuu! What was he doing here so late at night?

“Ryuu? What’re you doing standing by my door?” you asked.

Ryuu’s face remained stoic, but something about how his eyes looked at the two of you was a bit unnerving. You couldn;t quite place the emotion, but the look in his eyes made your stomach jump.

“Ry-chan! Were you waiting for (Y/N/N)? How romantic!” Ei-chan gushed, causing you to blush when Ryuu put his head down confirming Ei-chan’s statement.

‘H-He waited up for me? That’s really sweet…’

“Whatever. Let go of her already.” Ryuu finally spoke up, assertively tugging at your arm and pulling you into him. Your face grew brighter and redder as you were enveloped into your boyfriend’s warm chest. The smell of his cologne seemed foreign to you though. He always wore the same kind of cologne every day. When you asked him about it, he told you that other scents make his head hurt and his sinuses go crazy. It threw you off a little. You couldn’t quite place it, but he smelled like someone else.

Ei-chan giggled. “Oooh! So protective! I was just walking them to their door to make sure they got home safe.”

“Well, they are.” your boyfriend snipped. The look on your boyfriend’s face changed from stoic to disgruntled. Was he… mad at Ei-chan? No, they can’t be. They’re best friends. “So you can leave now, Eiji.”

“Okay, okay! I know when I’m a third wheel. Looks like we’re gonna have to take a raincheck on that sleepover, (Y/N/N).”

“Aww. Okay. Well,… we’re still on for Monday brunch right?”

“Of course! I’ll text you later.” Ei-chan slid in to give you a hug, but that was nearly impossible due to the protective grip your boyfriend had on you. You’ve never seen him act this way. Normally, when it came to Ei-chan, he didn’t care if he hugged you. But, now he was holding on to you like you were going to blow away in the wind at any minute. Ei-chan waved goodbye and walked away. You looked back up at your boyfriend whose face had gone back to stoic.

“So… um-” Before you could say anything, Ryuu interrupted.

“Can you open the door now? My legs hurt from standing here all damn night.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. S-Sorry…” You had no idea why you were apologizing. You fumbled around in your bag, fishing out your keys. Once you got your door unlocked Ryuu brushed inside. Maybe he was tired. After locking your door and putting down your bag and keys you continued your sentence.

“Um… I didn’t get a text from you tonight. I… I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“Do I need a reason to come visit you? We are dating.”

“Oh, um, I guess not… but if you had texted me I wouldn’t have stayed out too late. It probably looked really suspicious to my neighbors to see you standing outside my door all night.”

“Fuck them. I don’t care what they think.”

You were shocked. His answers were quick and curt. He was facing you, but his eyes weren’t looking at you. The air around you felt tense and awkward. What was going on with him?

“What was Eiji talking about when he said ‘sleepover’?”

“Um, well, since it was so late I suggested he sleep here. Then he suggested that we watch the concert footage together and have some sort of afterparty. Y’know, talking about the concert and singing our favorite songs.”

“Uh-huh.”

Okay. Something was definitely up. Was Ryuu actually being protective over you? From Ei-chan? His only best friend?

“Did you have fun?” Ryuu asked, bringing you out your thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. We had a lot of fun.” you smiled. “Honestly, it was the most fun I’ve had in a while.”

“Hmph! I see…” The room was quiet. Did he not want you to have fun? Isn’t he the one that’s always saying that you’re no fun?

“Eiji. He’s a handful.” Ryuu stated. “He can get loud and annoying and overbearing when he’s excited. So, I guess if you had fun…” he trailed off.

“Um, yeah. I witnessed that first hand. Heh, if being up close to the music wasn’t going to make me deaf then it would’ve definitely been his screaming. I had no idea he was capable of producing such a volume. But, he’s honestly such an energizing guy. When he gets excited, it kind of makes me want to get excited. Maybe that’s just me feeling off his vibes, but I swear the concert felt like a different experience with him there.”

“Different? How?”

“I don’t know. Normally, when I go to a concert, it’s hot and muggy and I get so irritated when people push and shove me. I take pictures and video and then I sit in a parking lot for hours trying to get out before the real crowding happens. Then, I go home and probably not even think about it after a couple of weeks. But, with Ei-chan… I dunno. The concert seemed… amazing.”

You suddenly jumped at a loud thud next to you. Ryuu had a clenched fist against your wall. His eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched.

“R-Ryuuu-”

“I’m going home.”

“W-What?! But… you just got here.”

“Yeah well now I’m just leaving.”

You could barely get a word out as Ryuu stormed out, slamming the door behind him. You stared at the door for a while before you turned to look at your wall. As you walked up to it, you grazed your fingers around the small dent Ryuu had made. You gulped nervously. You had never seen your boyfriend behave this way. Sure he could be a big pig-headed, stubborn, even downright ornery; that was part of his charm. But, you had never seen this much aggression come from him. Especially not towards you. What could he possibly be mad at? Could he be mad that he waited outside your apartment door all night? Or was he upset that you went to the concert?

No… Could it be that…

He was upset that you went to the concert…

With Ei-chan?

No… no no. That couldn’t be it. Your boyfriend might be a jerk but there’s no way he even felt that way. He didn’t say anything when you told him you were going with Ei-chan even though he had days to do so.

And he was the one that said boldly that he didn’t want to go. He could’ve told you in the texts but he didn’t say that. You felt the sides of your head sting and tighten. All this roundabout thinking was giving you a headache. You were just thinking yourself into circles and getting nowhere.

“Ugh… all this thinking… it’s giving me a migraine…” you muttered, massaging the sides of your temple. “I need to stop overthinking too much.” You gave yourself a quick whiff and reeled back at the smell of your sweat. “Oof! Oh my god… What I need is a hot shower and to get my ass into bed… Whatever’s going on with Ryuu… he’ll tell me… or I’ll get it out of him… for now I’m too tired to even think about what I want for breakfast tomorrow.”

You trudged to your bedroom to sort out your pajamas and turned on your shower to the highest heat. You were too exhausted to think. Maybe this all will work itself out.

—

Yeah, maybe that was too much hopeful thinking on your part. Ryuu was getting weirder and weirder around you. He smelled weird. He was wearing very dazzling and fashionable clothes and accessories. For example, on a date you noticed that his ears were red and you could notice shiny silver jewelry sticking out when his hair moved. You had to interrogate him for a while but then he finally broke down and told you that he got earrings and wanted to wait until they were fully healed to show you. When you asked why he would get earrings even though he hates wearing jewelry he just huffed and said, “Because I just wanted to! Okay?”

Hell, he was even talking weird! He didn’t sound like himself. You don’t know if the word is trendy or whatever, but your boyfriend’s vocabulary has completely turned 180 from how he usually sounds. You sent him a pic of an outfit that you were thinking of wearing out on a date and he called you ‘babez’. Yeah, ‘babes’ but with a z. You don’t know why, but the twisted turn that your stomach did made you never want to hear him say that word ever again.

On top of that, he was even acting weird with Ei-chan. You and Ei-chan were spending a lot of time with each other. After the concert and having brunch with one another, you’ve discovered that you two share similar likes in music, hobbies, shows, etc.. You felt a certain connection with Ei-chan, like you’ve known him since childhood. However, whenever you told Ryuu that you wanted to do something and he said no, you’d invite Ei-chan. Then, Ryuu would hog all your attention and keep you away from messaging Ei-chan. Ryuu would take you to dinner, dates, and do things with you that you’d normally have to beg to get him to do. Now, it seemed like he was doing it for his own volition. Or maybe you were confusing it with spite. You weren’t completely blind. Anytime you so much as mentioned doing something with Ei-chan, Ryuu would either shut down or take you out and bombard you with the most romantic spiel you’ve ever seen.

This wasn’t the Ryuu you knew. But, this was the Ryuu that you’ve kind of wished he was. Kind, loving, caring, sweet. These were all the things you wished your boyfriend to be before. But, now… you don’t know why, but this new attitude he had. It was starting to freak you out a little. After the past week, it looked like your boyfriend’s personality was changing. Your boyfriend had gone from cold, stoic, emotionally-stunted to a sweet, romantic, darling. You didn’t know why you couldn’t be happy. Maybe your boyfriend had changed after your fight and was trying to better himself. It just didn’t settle right with you. This was all you could think about; in the morning, during classes, even at night. You couldn’t shake this unnerving feeling you got around him nowadays.

“(Y/N/N)!”

Normally, that nickname is reserved for Ei-chan. It’s what he usually calls you nowadays instead of your name. However, as soon as you turn your head you’re more likely to see your boyfriend calling you that nickname instead.

‘Speak of the devil…’

“Hey, Ryuu.” you answered back, stopping to stare at him. You couldn’t put your finger on it but something was off with him today again. “You just finished classes too?”

He nodded. “Yep! I’m totes tired. I want it to be the weekend again.”

You cringed at his quirky awkward slang. “Totes”? Your boyfriend has never in the time that you’ve known him used that kind of word in his life. It seems like your boyfriend is always picking up a word and using it to the full extent these days. It doesn’t sound like him. He sounds like a robot. Or a clone. Or a cloned robot. Either way, you didn’t like it.

“Anyways, I was thinking we should get drinks at that new boba place downtown.” You weren’t really focusing on his words. You just kept staring at his face. The more his lips moved the more you noticed something.

“Do you have something on your lips?” you asked randomly.

Ryuu stopped in his tracks. His eyes looked everywhere except at you.

“N-No! I don’t know what you’re talking about-” His nervous attempt to cover up his mouth and mutter an excuse was cut short as you roughly grabbed his collar and kissed him. When you finally pulled away, Ryuu's eyes widened and his cheeks were flushed red.

“What the fuck-”

“Cherry.” you stated, licking your lips. “Why the hell are you wearing cherry lip balm? You hate vaseline coated cosmetics.”

Ryuu's eyes were darting everywhere. “What? Is that a crime or something? My lips were chapped and I found some lip balm in my backpack. Probably put there by you… so I just put on a little…”

“Why would I put lip balm in your backpack when I know you hate it?”

“Why do you force me to watch Love Island with you when you know I hate that too?”

You huffed and crossed your arms. “Touché, but you still didn’t answer my question.”

Your boyfriend sputtered. You’ve never seen this side of him before either; flabbergasted. Ryuu was always quick and snippy, often telling you to mind your own business and to let things go, but now he looked like a guilty child caught doing something bad. It’s not that you don’t like your boyfriend with smoother lips, although a weird side of you missed the roughness of his lips, you just wanted some answers.

“(Y/N/N)! Ry-chan!” a familiar voice called out.

You looked over to see a pink-haired smiling bunny boy running towards you and Ryuu. Your eyes widened and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Ei-chan?!” you gasped. His hair was dyed a cotton candy pink and the top of his head adorn white fluffy bunny ears. He looked soooo adorable!!!

“Omigosh! You look soooooo cute!!” you exclaimed, reaching out to touch his hair. “It’s so pink and fluffy and soft! Like a cloud! And your bunny ears! Aaahhh! I think I’m going to have a heart attack!!” You were catching some weird glances with all your squealing, but you could care less. Ei-chan lightly giggled.

“Thank you, (Y/N/N). I just got this itch to dye my hair a cute color and decided on pink. And the bunny ears are from the theatre department. We were sorting through old props and costumes and a few of the girls put this on me. They also said I looked adorable so I decided to wear it. What do you think? Did I pull it off?” he asked, posing playfully.

You laughed. “I think you could start a trend. I can see it now. Men and women all over the world dying their hair bright colors and wearing bunny ears to charity balls and dates. Like an ode to Easter or something. You’ll be the poster child. You’d probably have international designers following your every move to catch the latest trend set by you.”

Ei-chan shuddered and took off the bunny ears with a nervous smile. “On second thought, I think I’ll stop while I’m ahead. Just the thought of having a thousand eyes on me, waiting for me to do something, gives me anxiety. Isn’t that what made Van Gogh cut off his ear?”

“Pfft-! Haha, what’re you talking about?” you laughed. “First off, Van Gogh was reportedly bipolar and schizophrenic and cut off his ear because of an argument he had with another painter, not because he was the trendiest guy in the world. Second off, think of all the money you’d make by setting the latest trends. Telling people what to wear seems a lot easier than mathematical physics.” you sighed, looked down at your heavy math book. Damn your pursuit for higher knowledge.

“Nah, that’s not for me. Plus, I’d rather be here with you guys than some snooty charity fashion ball. You guys are way more fun.”

“Aww, you’d turn down millions of dollars to be with us? Isn’t that sweet, Ryuu?” You looked over at your boyfriend to get his response, but found a despondent Ryuu. “Hey, Ryuu?” You touched his arm lightly. He jerked at your touch and looked at you and Ei-chan with a lost look.

“Huh? W-What?”

“Ryuu? Are you okay?” you asked, reaching out to touch him again only to be brushed off.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine! Why?”

“You just looked… out of it, that’s all, Ry-chan. You looked like you were zoning out. Weren’t you listening to the conversation?”

“Conversation about what? About how you look like a 2012 softcore aesthetic tumblr blog made by an edgy 14 year old girl who thinks she’s quirky and different because she drinks Monster for breakfast? Aren’t you a man? You’re not supposed to look cute. It’s gross.”

“Ryuu!” You smacked your boyfriend’s arm. Where was this attitude coming from? Ryuu smacked his lips and left swiftly. You called out to him multiple times to come back and apologize, but he didn’t even look back at you. Ei-chan put his arm on your shoulder to calm you down.

“Hey, it’s okay. That’s just how he is.”

“He shouldn’t have said that to you. You’re his best friend. He should watch what he says.”

“Hehe. Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time he’s said something like that. Plus, I don’t think he liked that you praised my pink hair so much. I know I would be jealous if the person I was in a relationship with was ranting and raving over another guy.”

You pouted and crossed your arms. Ei-chan could read Ryuu so much better than you. “Then, why didn’t he just say that? I was just saying that I liked how you can be so trendy without even realizing it. I would’ve dialed it back if he had just told me that I was being overbearing towards you.” You were starting to realize every day how little you knew about your boyfriend. You can barely guess what mood he’s in by his texts but Ei-chan can decipher your boyfriend’s precise mood and face just by his punctuation. You want so much to know what your boyfriend’s thinking. To be like Ei-chan and to get into his headspace and know just his lips what he’s going to say.

You let out a long sigh. “I guess I still don’t quite understand his methods like you do. I just wish he would communicate with me a little better…”

Ei-chan wrapped his arm around you. “Believe me. You will. Trust me. It took some time to understand the complexity that is Arata Ryuu, but with patience comes acceptance.”

You shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right…”

Ei-chan shook you gently. “Hey now, don’t be too upset. If you’re too upset then the surprise will be ruined.”

You raised your eyebrow and looked at him. “Surprise?”

“SURPRISE!!” Ei-chan exclaimed, pulling out two white strips from his pocket and shoving them in your face, flashing you a toothy grin. You jumped back at the sudden burst of excitement and squinted at the two pieces of paper, squinting and wondering what the hell you were looking at.

“I got us two tickets to see Mya Solovyova perform ballet at the Royal 99 Opera House tonight!”

Your eyes widened and you began to feel the same excitement as Ei-chan. This must be exactly how he felt when you told him you had two tickets to the Stray Kids concert.

“Mya Solovyova?! Royal 99 Opera House?!! Tonight?!?” You felt like you were close to hyperventilating. Everything was spinning and moving so fast. You grabbed a hold of Ei-chan's arm who was more than willing to hold you up.

“Ei-chan! Those tickets cost a fortune and are nearly impossible to get! How did you-” you were cut off by Ei-chan putting a finger to your lips.

“You have your sources and I have mine.” he answered with a spirited wink. Now, you definitely felt like you were going to pass out. Even if Ei-chan did have his sources hook him up with two tickets, that's still two tickets to the most expensive, exclusive opera house in the country. Even one ticket would cost you a kidney. You knew that Ei-chan had a little money from his family’s company, but not this much.

“E-Ei-chan… I-I… I don’t know what to say…” you stuttered, trying to find the words to express your gratitude that he would go so far for you. “How could I ever-” Once again, you’re cut off by his finger touching your lips.

“Just wear your most gorgeous outfit and bring your beautiful smile. That’ll be all the thanks I need.”

—

Your floor was littered with glittering and dazzling clothes that you’ve put on and pulled off yourself in a desperate attempt to look halfway decent for tonight. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Not every college student is lucky or rich enough to score tickets to the exclusive Royal 99 Opera House on opening night. You’d have to either know someone within the building to get you in or you’d have to be the bestest of friends with the elite and mega rich to even set foot in their bathroom. You didn’t want the staff and other viewers to look at you and see some random bummy college student whose only luxury experience is eating sushi at a restaurant and not from a convenience store. You wanted them to see a sophisticated young adult that doesn’t experience culture shock when paying for a $50 meal. It sounds vain you know that, but however Ei-chan went through to get these tickets you did not want to embarrass him.

As you were checking yourself in the 16th outfit that didn’t make you feel unworthy, you heard your phone go off with a ding. It was a text. From Ryuu. He was asking if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight.

‘What?? Oh no… Why tonight of all nights he could’ve asked me?! Ugh… I’ll just have to tell him that I can’t go… Hopefully he won’t be too upset. This is last minute.’

You texted him that you couldn’t make it for dinner and told him where Ei-chan was taking you tonight. You were going to send him a picture of your outfit to get his opinion, but another ding went off.

You stared at your phone for a while, but before you could even begin to wonder what your boyfriend meant you heard your doorbell ring. Thinking that it must be Ei-chan coming to pick you up, you hurriedly grabbed your bag, wallet, keys, and phone, and shuffled to the door putting your shoes on as fast as possible. You opened the door, but Ei-chan wasn’t at your door. It was an older man dressed in a suit with a cap and white gloves. He pulled out a card from his breast pocket and looked you up and down.

“(Y/N) (L/N)?” he asked, his voice deep and gentle.

“Um, yes?” you answered, cocking your head to the side and raising your eyebrow at the strange man standing at your door late at night. “Can I help you?”

He smiled and tipped his hat at you. “Hello, my name is Chie Jun. I’m your driver for this evening.”

“D-Driver?” you gaped.

“Yes. I’ve been instructed by Mr. Tachibana to escort you to the Opera House this evening. However, judging by that look on your face, I’m guessing he didn’t tell you that.”

You dazedly shook your head no. Just how rich was Ei-chan that he could afford two tickets on opening night at the elite opera house AND hire a driver to come pick you up.

“Well then, shall we be off. Don’t want to be late now, do we?” He tipped his hat again and shifted his body to face down the hallway. You nodded and fumbled to close your door and lock it. You nearly tripped over yourself as the driver escorted you down the stairs. Your mouth hung agape and your eyes widened at the beautiful, black, shiny stretch limo sitting in the dingy parking lot. Mr. Chie held the door open for you and you remained slack jawed at the luxury leather interior and plush plum carpet. Dim lights and a glass sitting delicately next to a bottle of champagne nestled lovingly in a bucket of ice. If it weren’t for the feeling that you could pass out at any moment now, you’d scream in astonishment. This must be what the elite get to experience every day. You don’t know how even one begins to get used to this. As you looked around you noticed you were a member short.

“Is Ei-chan- I mean! Is Eiji not riding with us?”

The driver who had just started up the car, looked into the backseat mirror and shook his head.

“Mr. Tachibana is already at the opera house waiting for you.”

You sat back into the comfy leather seats and stared at the window in amazement.

‘Ei-chan really is amazing…’

—

As the limo pulled up to the opera house you had to stop your jaw from dropping to the ground. You never thought in a million years you’d be standing outside the most expensive opera house in a limo with a driver. You almost didn’t want to pinch yourself. What if this was a dream? What if you knocked yourself out and were laying on the floor of your cramped apartment in a sea of clothes? As Mr. Chie opened the door for you and helped you out of the limo, you felt your breath hitch at the sight. The bright, buzzing bulbs that made the entire building light up the sky was a mesmerizing sight. You hadn’t even stepped inside and you were happy with all you’ve seen from the outside. Your driver guided you inside the building where waves of people with luxurious dresses and suits with blinding jewelry walked through three sets of double doors to find their seats.

You heard turned and swayed as if it was on a swivel to capture each and every inch of the opera house. Like you said before, this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance being here. You wanted to take in each and every detail no matter how stupid you must’ve looked to the others. You followed the driver up the red plush stairs and the dignified rumble of those entering the building grew quieter and almost silent. You reached the top of the stairs and down the hall is where you saw Ei-chan. Sitting in a balcony seat so perfect that you could see the entire audience and stage without so much as a squint. Ei-chan looked at you both with a smile.

“Great!” he whispered, excitedly. “You’re right on time.”

“E-Ei-chan… y-you…” You couldn’t find any words to say. No words could even begin to explain how fast your thoughts were racing or how hard your heart was thumping.

Ei-chan turned to the driver. “That’ll be all. Thank you, Jun.”

Mr. Chie tipped his hat once more. “Of course, Mr. Tachibana. Enjoy the ballet.” and with that, he quickly turned on his heel and left. Ei-chan took your hand and guided you to your seat. The moment you sat down, you released a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. The view before you was simply breathtaking.

“Heh. You excited for the show to start?” he asked.

Feeling the words jumble in your throat, you swiftly nodded your head. Bouncing on the tips of your feet, you sat in unbridled excitement waiting for the lush velvety curtain to rise.

—

You were in complete heaven. The lights, the dancing, the stage, the beautiful orchestral accompanied music. It was all too much to bear. And yet, you didn’t want this night to end. However, as you sat still in your chair with your eyes glued to the stage, you were blissfully unaware of the constant buzzing that came from your bag nor the rapid charging footsteps headed towards your direction.

“(Y/N)!!”

A fierce voice startled you out of your seat. You whipped your head towards the aggressive voice to see your boyfriend, Ryuu, panting and clenching his teeth. “R-Ryuu… what’re you-” You are immediately cut off by Ryuu, his voice vibrating a thousand times louder throughout the echoey theatre.

“What am I doing?! The better question is what the fuck are doing here with HIM!!!”

You stared at this person you thought was your boyfriend. Only one question was on your mind.

“What’s wrong with your hair?”

It was a deep purplish color with mixes of blue and light spots of yellow only visible from the overhead lights next to the balcony window.

“That’s not fucking important so answer the damn question!” Your boyfriend brushed aside your question, but you could see a small tint of pink on his cheeks.

“Hey, Ryuu, man, listen… Whatever you’re thinking-” Even Ei-chan was cut off by Ryuu’s icy voice.

“I didn’t ask you shit now did I?” your boyfriend growled as he yanked his best friend from his seat by his collar. What is wrong with him? You never thought you’d see the day where Ryuu would get so aggressive towards his only friend. Even Ei-chan looked surprised, though you couldn’t blame him when you saw Ryuu’s eyes. They were primal. Almost feral. You’d seen this look before in animals.

Territorial.

The tension was broken when an usher entered the balcony window. “Excuse me sir. You’re going to have to leave.” the usher said sternly. “You’re causing a disturbance amongst the other guests and ruining the performance with your shouting.” A group of security stood behind the usher, ready to take action if things go awry.

“Get the fuck-”

“We’ll leave.” you said hastily. All eyes were on you and you’d never felt so embarrassed in your life. You grabbed onto Ryuu’s arm and harshly tugged him off of Ei-chan. “It’s partially my fault that he stormed up here and caused a disturbance. I’m so sorry.” You bowed a full 90 degrees. You then turned to Ei-chan who looked at you with sorrow. “Thank you for the tickets, Ei-chan. This has been the most fun I ever had, even if it was for a little bit. I’m sorry I ruined the night like this.”

Before Ei-chan could say anything, you bowed to him as well before dragging your boyfriend out of the building with accompanying security following the way. Once you two were outside, you bowed and apologized again for the disturbance. They waved you off, saying it wasn’t your fault and that Ryuu had charged into the building while security was distracted with something else. Your boyfriend remained silent.

You walked up to Ryuu who was facing the street and staring up at the sky. You looked at the cars passing by and loudly sighed.

“You wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Ryuu didn’t say anything. You glanced at him.

“I won’t be mad. I promise. So… could you please tell me why you’ve been acting so weird lately?”

You turned your attention back to the street as Ryuu still refused to say anything. You were starting to think questioning him was hopeless until… “Is he more fun than me?” His voice was quiet and timid, the complete opposite of the bass and tone that he usually has.

“W-What?”

“D-Do you… *sniff* do you like him more than me?”

You turned to Ryuu and saw a stream of tears fall and stain his cheeks. You’ve never seen your boyfriend cry before. Not at movies, not when cutting onions. To be honest, you didn’t think he could cry. He always seems so strong and arrogant. That was a selfish move on your part.

“What? No.” you denied gently. You grabbed his arms and moved him to face you. He whipped his head towards the street in an effort to cover up his tears, but it was too late. If it wasn’t for the sniffling and hard breathing, the opera house lights shined brightly down on you and Ryuu. So much so that you could see how red his eyes really were. Like he had been crying long before he stormed into the theatre. You didn’t notice inside though, but maybe that was because the lights were too dim to notice. Whatever the case, that didn’t matter now. Ryuu was crying his eyes out and it was your job to find out why. It was obvious from that spectacle inside that Ei-chan didn’t even know.

“Of course I don’t like Ei-chan more than you. What would make you think that?” you asked softly. Ryuu didn’t answer, his sobs only getting rougher. You softly grabbed his cheek and turned it so he could face you. “Ryuu, sweetheart. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong and you’re not helping yourself by keeping all your feelings bottled up like this. Please. Tell me why.”

If any outsider were to see this scene they’d think it was a parent talking to their child. That’s how soft and guiding you were being.

“B-Because… Because…!” Ryuu sputtered out, his face contorting in pain. “Because it’s so fucking obvious that’s how it is!” His face turned completely red and his voice turned harsher the harder he sobbed. “I’m not fucking blind!” he screamed, thrashing his hands, but you held onto with a strong grip as you listened to Ryuu pour out everything he had been feeling these past weeks.

“You’re always together! You’re always texting each other! You’re always going out with him and forgetting all about me! You don’t text. You don’t call. I rarely hear you say so much as two words to me before you start rambling off about some shit Eiji did or where that bastard took you! And he knew what he was doing too!! Going behind my back. Taking you places. Being near you all the time! That piece of shit…! He takes you to a romantic place… A place you’ve been dying to go to ever since you were a kid! He stabbed me in the back!”

You wanted to say something, but you waited until Ryuu was done. If there’s one thing you’ve learned from your friends in their psych classes is that when people become so emotionally broken down it’s best to not be the person who’s solution-oriented. Some people want to vent and not hear solutions or ‘i told you so’s. Ryuu spoke up again, this time softer than before.

“You were always smiling when you were with him. You had so many jokes and were teasing each other so much that I felt left out of the conversation. I felt left out… of my own relationship. So I thought… sniff I thought if I…” Another broken sob choked your boyfriend from continuing. That’s when it all started to make sense.

His change in cologne. His showy difference in clothes. His hypocritical ways he feels about piercings and accessories. His animated way of speaking. The stark contrast that he forced over his original personality. His hair…

How could you be so stupid to not see it before?

“So, you changed yourself to look, sound, and even become Ei-chan. Because you thought I liked that side of him more than you.”

Ryuu gasped and his lip quivered as his knees buckled. You tightly enveloped your sobbing boyfriend as you both crumbled to the ground. You felt your own eyes start to wet at the body wracking sobs Ryuu gave out and you felt as though a marble was in your throat. This was your fault. Well, technically everyone played a role in the events that led up to tonight. It was your fault for not spending time with your own boyfriend and making him feel as though he was being cheated on. It was Ei-chan’s fault for not telling his best friend that we’d be hanging out, making him think it was okay to do so because Ryuu never said anything. It was Ryuu’s fault for not saying how he was feeling and thinking that the only way to get your attention back was to change his personality. You delicately stroked Ryuu’s back and shushed him softly.

“Ryuu, what I’m about to say might sound overwhelming, but I think you need to hear this.” You took a deep breath. It was now your turn to be truthful. “I love you.” You felt Ryuu’s breathing go still, but you continued. “I love you so much that I don’t know what to do sometimes. I fell in love with you when we first met. I know you don’t believe in love at first sight and honestly, neither did I until I met you. At first I thought I fell in love with an emotionally-stunted asshole who only cared for himself, but when we started to talk more that’s when I found out you're quite the opposite. While on the outside you’re stubborn, brash, rude, and even sometimes mean, but on the inside you care about me. You listen to what I have to say even when I think you aren’t. I only told you once that I’ve always wanted to come here and you remembered. You remember crucial details about me even when I forget them myself. Even when we fight, you always apologize to me first and you’ve never given up on me no matter how many times I’ve walked away from you. You call and text me to see if I’m alright when a big event is coming up and you always know the fastest way to cheer me up. I think if given the choice between you and Ei-chan, I’d choose you every time.”

Ryuu’s cries had gone soft, only the occasional sniffling being the only sound to come from him.

“So, never EVER think you have to change for me because the Ryuu that I love is the same Ryuu I fell in love with when I first met you. Nothing, not even when you say things you don’t mean, will ever diminish my love for you.” You pulled away and wiped Ryuu’s stained cheeks and smiled. “Got it?”

Ryuu sniffled and chuckled weakly, sadly smiling. “You’re so fucking weird…” he chuckled, his voice rough from the crying. “But, yeah… I got it… I-I love you… too… You know that right?”

You smiled and patted his head. “Yeah, I know.” You kissed his nose and laughed at the red blush on his cheeks. He let out a long sigh.

“I can’t believe I did all this shit. The clothes and jewelry I don’t mind because I actually liked some of it, but I dyed my hair this stupid color. I embarrassed you and ruined your first-time experience at the opera house you’ve always wanted to go to. I’m such an idiot…”

You smiled. “There will be other experiences. There’s a whole lot of things I’ve always wanted to do and technically, I never got to see the end of the ballet so we’ll call it a semi-first-time experience. Also,” You stroked his hair, finally seeing all the bright yellow spots and light blues mixed in with the purple, “I kinda dig the purple hair.”

“R-Really?” Ryuu blushed, stroking the back of his neck. “Come on, you don’t gotta lie to me. It looks like shit. I was actually in the middle of doing it myself when I texted you saying we should go out for dinner. But when you told me you were coming here and freaking out about what to wear, I panicked and rushed to finish and it turned out this shitty. It’s not even pink…” he complained with a pout. You giggled at how cute and vulnerable your boyfriend was being. He’d normally never even tell you that he made a mistake or that he panicked. Ahh, how fast they grow up…

“I’m not lying. Have I ever told you what my favorite scent is?”

Ryuu shook his head no.

“It’s lavender. And your hair is the most perfect shade of lavender I’ve ever seen. It also reminds me of Ube mochi or Ube ice cream. Two of my favorite sweets! Maybe that’ll be your nickname. Ube-chan! That’s adorable!”

Ryuu blushed and widened his eyes, quickly standing up and crossing his arms. “N-No way! That’s a stupid nickname and it’s even stupider why I have it. And why are you talking like I’m keeping my hair like this?!” You laughed and rose to your feet too. “It was just a suggestion, sweetheart. I was only teasing~.” you giggled as you booped his nose. “Oh…” Ryuu whispered, blushing even more causing you to laugh harder.

“But I really mean it, Ryuu. If you really wanted I could fix the areas that have bleach spots and blue mixed in or I could help strip off as much color as possible before dyeing it back.”

Ryuu quirked his eyebrow at you. “You know how to dye hair?”

You nodded. “Yup. This one time in high school I once tried to dye my hair this awesome aquamarine color I saw on Pinterest, but I totally screwed it up and it ended up this burnt orangey color.”

Ryuu laughed. “How the hell did you manage that?”

Before you could tell him you noticed something in your peripheral vision and glanced to the side. It was Ei-chan. Standing at the doorway with a sorrowful expression. You don’t know how he’s been there but judging how he was shifting from side-to-side with a guilty look on his face you’d guess he saw and heard Ryuu’s confession. You looked up at Ryuu with a smile.

“I’ll tell you…, but first, I think you two should talk.” you said pointing towards the door. Ryuu looked in the direction and a nervous and guilty look formed on his face as Ei-chan walked towards the both of you.

Before your boyfriend could explain himself, Ei-chan threw himself onto Ryuu in a giant hug. Muffled cries could be heard from Ryuu’s shoulder where Ei-chan buried his head. And again, before Ryuu could say anything, Ei-chan began to spill.

“I’m sorwy Ry-chan! I’m sho sorwy!! I didn’t mean to take (Y/N) from you! Honest! I’ll never talk to them again just please!! Don’t stop being my friend!”

Ryuu immediately hugged Ei-chan back and the tears began to spill again, including from you. All this time… Because of Eyuu’s screaming the only thing Ei-chan heard was Ryuu saying that he had stabbed him in the back and that he was taking you from him. Ryuu hushed and whispered to Ei-chan for nearly an hour that he’d never stop being friends with him over this and apologized for cursing him out and getting aggressive with him.

Needless to say that no friendships were broken that night and that night became a fond and funny memory as the years flew by. Ryuu got to experience a lot of new firsts with you and Ei-chan still remains a reliable friend to both of you to this day. Unbeknownst to you, that for your upcoming anniversary Ryuu has been saving up money to take you back to Royal 99 Opera House and continue your first-time experience. This time with your boyfriend.

a/n: damn, this was a long one. thank you so much for the request! please look forward to more scenarios being uploaded. my socials are linked below if want to check out my other stuff.

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