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#I'll look it up on ao3 later. mayb. if I feel like it. I will most likely forgor since I'm not that invested in the idea
bunnyhysteria · 1 month
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a few people are bringing up depression in response to my shen yuan post, and while do what you want yes, I feel this does go back to how people don't know how to write disabled characters as another person brought into light. including mental disabilities.
mayb now I'm projectin on this one, but seein the absolute cluster fuck of shen yuan, it feels strange to go "it's depression!". I see narcissistic personality disorder, other cluster b traits, I see autism, mayb even ocd. he's a paranoid, hot head mess whose constantly calculating every moment. but people don't really know how to contextualize mental illness, especially not the "scary" ones, even if they have mental illness themselves. just slap on depression and anxiety as a bandaid and don't talk about the rest! it's not that people don't want to go further (or at least I have some faith), I just think our current society has not prepared people to step out of the "nice" mental disorders.
so I don't fault anyone who reduces his nonsense into the socially acceptable depression, but I can't act like that it doesn't make me uncomfortable. but also not uncomfortable enough to directly respond to strangers on the interwebs HSKDHDH.
but I also did want to talk about the depression to slob pipeline as well because that's I suppose the part that gets me. he's unwell, so he's a slob and a disgustin mess. a statement that could be made about someone who has depression, but I have a hard time applying the "he" to shen yuan in this case. I'm personally under the "I care so much about my image that I feel like I'm gonna rot from the inside out" type, and my response has been to hyper clean. clean and clean until I can't clean anymore and so I'm stressed that I can't make my space (and by extension myself) better in a small matter of time. I was once a slob in the past as a teen, but I'm immensely embarassed by it. I'm vain, so I take photos of myself with my backdrop being my room, and I will loose my marbles if someone looks down on me because I threw my pjamas onto my bed while gettin changed. no one but me and my family enter my room. no one else even enters the house.
*picks up shen yuan by the scruff of the neck* yer telling me this rich pretty boy obsessed with tryin to get people to take him seriously wouldn't have an instagram or whatever the equivalent would be?? honestly I feel like it would be expected of him, and he might also flaunt his wealth (that he didn't earn) to try to feel better. if you couldn't tell I'm tryin to shove a superiority/inferiority complex onto him over his status. that's just cause I think it'd be funny I don't have any text evidence off the top of my head for that lmao.
ultimately with all this, I just want something different. I want people to step back and look at shen yuan for who he is and then extrapolate out from that and into how they want to play with his character. I don't know how, with all these complex thought processes and characterizations of binghe, we have landed with a very 2d, copy paste version of shen yuan every time. maybe I just need to dig more into shen yuan fan creations, but I have yet found one to step out of the invented fanon version mold or their small variations. and its quite strange to me given how divorced fanon shen yuan is from canon shen yuan. I suppose I'm not used to a fandom with a character so warped away from canon well accepted. dare I say, ooc.
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Show me where it hurts (part 1)
Miguel O'Hara x spiderwoman!reader
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(AO3 Mirror), Part 2, Main Masterlist
summary: Miguel's acting weird, and you make it your mission to find out exactly what's going on.
warnings: no warnings for this chap, pg-13, swearing and canon level violence. smut next chapter xoxo
a/n: this is a combination of 2 asks and this post I saw on here a while ago: flirty/ snarky fem reader, Miguel during a ""rut"" (I don't know if it counts as a rut really, but its to do with his animal instincts/DNA) and Lyla playing matchmaker.  I had so much fun writing this, enjoy :D
(i wrote this pre seeing spiderverse 2, so i think characterisation is a little off, esp for Lyla, apologies! I'll fix it in my upcoming fics)
edit: I use the term "bichita" which I have been informed can be read not as I intended in Spanish. I'm not a native speaker so I want to apologise in advance. I'm doing more research for my future fics and leaving this up as a testament to my stupidity. Spanish speakers, feel free to correct me / clown my ass in the comments. My bad guys :(
wc: 3.6k
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You think Miguel is avoiding you. 
One of your closest friends, giving you the runaround for months, it seems. Calling the two of you close friends is a little extreme, sure. You've only known O'Hara for two years, and been in love with him for slightly less than that, thank you very much. And yes, he refuses to call you by anything but your last name. And the last time you saw him he wouldn't so much as look at you, but that was besides the point. 
"..the point," You tell Lyla, in between exasperated bites of cereal, "... is that aren't elite forces of spiderpeople supposed to, you know, have some spiderpeople kick ass once in a while? And where exactly is our fearless leader? I haven't seen O'Hara's scary ass in weeks, and I'm starting to miss it."
She gives you a look, one that says this isn't what I'm programmed for , but you pointedly ignore it. 
"His ass, by the way." You clarify. "I very specifically miss his ass. Remind me to get his routine. I know girls that would kill for…"
"How the fuck did you get in here?" A voice croaks. You turn behind you and see Miguel, not in his suit, but wrapped up in a blanket like he's just woken up. And he looks rough, like a train ran him over on the way here: puffy eyes, splotchy skin, tension kneaded into his brow. 
"Wow." Your spoon drops into the milk. "You look like shit.." 
He furrows his brow even deeper, if that was possible. " Mierda. You shouldn't be here." 
"This isn't quite the welcome party I was expecting, man. I'm the only one to actually turn up to one of your meetings, and this is what I get?" 
"I thought I told Lyla to cancel," He mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose. 
"Cancel? Since when do you miss a chance to talk about rules and protocol?" 
"I don't have time for this-" 
"-and I'm not leaving without a proper explanation. Is everything okay?" 
"It's actually way worse now you're here." He deadpans. 
"Haha ." You turn to Lyla. "You drop everything to travel halfway across the multiverse and this asshole won't even say thanks." 
"Thanks, but this asshole needs you to leave. Now." 
This is the most he's spoken to you in forever, and you hate that you like it. You just want his attention, however it comes. If that means dragging this out so maybe he acknowledges you, touches you, looks at you - then so be it. Squinting, you get closer to him. You scan his face for anything to latch onto. You put a hand on his shoulder, still searching. 
"You sure you're alright? You know you can tell me if-" 
"Si, si." He grits his teeth, looking away. "M'just fine. I'll explain…. later."
"...because I'm your right hand man?" You grin, poking at his brow. "Stop frowning so much Miguel, you're gonna ruin that pretty face of yours."
He flushes, nervous, and swats you away. "-what? N-No. You're not my right hand man and I like my face just the way it is. Now, leave. "
Making your way to the door, you tap your nose teasingly. "You know where to find me!" 
When the door closes with a click, you make your way down the corridor, and stop in your tracks when you hear it. It's muffled, but with the strain of your supersenses you can make out Miguel's voice just beyond the wall. 
"I just…. don't want her to see me like this… Lyla, it's not happening… I can't tell her…." Tell her what, exactly? 
Resolutely, you make up your mind. Miguel O'Hara's got a secret. And before you leave for home, you're gonna do everything in your God given power to wear him down and find out. 
~~~
Despite his insistence otherwise, you liked to think of yourself as O'Hara's right hand man - and most of the other spiderpeople thought so too. You were one of the very first he recruited, after crash landing onto your earth like a spiderman-shaped meteor; the two of you were inseparable. Miguel was stubborn and headstrong and thought he was right all the time. Infuriatingly, he was, but that didn't stop you from telling him to get his head out of his own ass when his ego grew too big. 
He was different around you, you think. Softer, sometimes. Harsher, other times. He told you what you needed to hear whether you wanted to or not; the result of mutual respect and agonising persistence. Slowly, you had chipped away his hard exterior; the one he built because he thought he needed to push people away. In that regard, you were similar, but this need manifested in you like a weed - an awful, awful compulsion to joke and laugh at your own expense, to keep others at an arm's length. You had spent your whole life picking and pruning away at yourself, looking for perfection. Even after all this, multiverse-hopping and fighting alongside people who were the closest things you had to friends , it wasn't enough. There was still something missing. 
Ironically, Miguel had told you something similar the one of the last times you had spoken. You had fucked up a mission, well and truly. In the aftermath, all you can remember is coming back to base, limping on Jessica's arm. 
"She's hurt!" She cries out. Lyla materialises and leads you both to the med bay, inspecting any visible wounds. There's a deep laceration, sticky with blood, at the base of your stomach. You shift onto the bed and hiss with pain. 
Miguel is quick to follow, face twisted with confusion, pain, sadness. Even in your haze, you feel the tension radiating off of him as he drags over a cart of supplies. 
"What happened?" He strains. 
"I don't even… it happened so fast. We got ambushed, and all of a sudden I'm on the ground. I wasn't thinking straight and… " She sobs. "...she jumped in front of me. God, she saved my life-" 
"-wasn't your fault, Jess." You croak, trying to sit up. "And I'm fine. Just need to walk it off…"
"Sit, bichita," His nickname makes you frown, despite yourself, and you settle back down. "Lyla, what's the damage?"
Your vision goes spotty, and Lyla's voice barely registers. All you can feel is searing pain in your side, but Miguel is warm, oh so warm. You clutch his arms, and force him to look you in the eye. 
"M'ready, Miguel." He nods weakly, but you don't think he understands. "I mean it . I can lead, j-just need another chance and I won't let you down… Jess, tell him that I can-" 
"It's okay. I believe you. You just need to relax for me, hmm?" He clutches at your hand, tight, and it's like you're the only two people in the world. "You did good. I promise."
Faintly, you nod. You feel a pinch at your arm, and Jessica's there, with an empty vial of something in her hands. The pain washes over you, and you fight to keep your eyes open. In those last few moments of light, you swear you feel a shaky kiss pressed to your temple. 
"Sleep, mi bichito amoroso. Sleep."
When you come to, you're still in the medbay, moonlight streaming through. Well, artificial moonlight. Time worked a little differently here, something Miguel explained to you a while ago - God knows what about dilation and quantum interference. It makes you smile now, remembering his frustration as he tried to explain to no avail. You were the only spiderman this side of the multiverse without a degree in quantum tech, you had said with a lopsided smile. 
You move to sit, and pain shoots up your side. Groaning, you push through it, determined to get out of this bed and find the others. As if on cue, Miguel walks in, almost leaping towards you. 
"You should… mierda ! You should be resting in bed."
You pout as you stumble into his chest. He hooks an arm around you and leads you back. You clamber in, sighing. "M'fine, O'Hara."
"Your guts were halfway out of your body less than 24 hours ago. So stay put, or you might give me another heart attack."
You scoff, incredulous. "You were worried?" 
He shrugs. " 'Course I was."
"Why? You know I'm practically indestructible." You give him a shit eating grin, and poke the frown appearing at his brow. He doesn't bat you away like he usually does. 
"Famous last words, bichita." He sighs. You can't speak a lick of Spanish, but you know he only calls you that word when you've frustrated him to his limit. So you take it as a win, for now. 
He drops into the chair next to you. "How are you feeling?" 
"Just peachy, dollface." You wink, and he doesn't so much as groan. 
"I'm being serious. You went through something pretty traumatic…"
"You want me to tell you it hurts, so, so bad, daddy? " You pout and flutter your eyelashes mockingly. Miguel shifts in his seat, unable to make eye contact. 
"That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean, O'Hara? I feel fine. And in a couple of days, I'll feel even better, and I'll be up and about. I can finish what we started and-" 
"-no, absolutely not." He frowns. "A couple of days? I'm sending you home-" 
"You can't do that! On whose fucking authority?"
"On the authority of you almost fucking died ! Keeping you safe is our priority right now-" 
"God, is this my punishment? This is a low blow, O'Hara. You know how hard I've worked for this: months of surveillance and intel a-and I did everything by the book, just like you told me to." You croak. "I fucked up . I know that, and I feel terrible. Give me a chance to make things right; that's all I'm asking. I can do it, I know it. "
He looks at you for a moment, something heavy in his expression. His face contorted, he strips you down to the bone with just his gaze. His voice is so quiet, you almost miss it. 
"....you're still trying to prove yourself, aren't you?"
Honestly, it catches you off guard. You don't even know what the fuck that means, let alone why he said it.
"I don't… I d-don't…?" 
"They all love you. Respect you. More than me I think, sometimes." He chuckles at that. "You're good at what you do. The best . What else are you trying to prove? What else do you need ?" 
Your throat goes dry. You couldn't speak if you wanted to. 
"I'm not punishing you. You made a mistake, but you don't need to be crucified for it. I just want to keep you safe. I can't… we can't lose you."
"Miguel-"
"-this isn't a discussion. And I'm not trying to argue, although I know how much you like to argue." He inches closer, cupping your face gently. You try to move away, blinking back tears. But his hands are steady and he strokes your jaw with so much tenderness you think you hear your heart break. He's pretty, so pretty. You don't deserve him, you think. "There'll be time to fight, bichita. Rest. That's your mission right now."
"C-can't sleep." You breathe. "It hurts." 
Miguel pauses, head tilted like he's thinking. He taps your shoulder. "Scoot over."
You do as he says, and he slips into the bed with you. It's a tight fit, but he manages, placing you on his chest with an arm gently around your shoulders. You bury your face in his hoodie, sniffling and hoping he doesn't notice you choking back sobs. Absentmindedly, he settles into a rhythm, gentle breathing and playing with your hair, soothing you softly. He pretends he can't hear the tears. 
"M'gonna stay here until you're asleep. For as long as you need."
You nod, unable to speak for fear of breaking down. 
~~~
The days after felt like a blur. You woke up to Miguel gone, and an ache in your heart. Jess visits as much as she can, and Ben calls you a couple times, to see if you're okay. Peter B brings Mayday, and she clambers all over your bed, bringing some life into the room. Miguel doesn't visit per se - you hear whispers of him, Lyla visiting in his stead for comprehensive status updates. Once, you wake up in the night to see him on the adjacent chair, head lolling in deep sleep. He looks peaceful, calm - one of the first times you haven't seen his brow furrowed with worry. Of course, he's gone by the morning. 
The very last time you saw him, he opened the portal home. It was weird, after everything, but if Miguel felt the same you wouldn't know. Talking at a thousand miles a minute, he alternates between assuring you they'll be fine without you and situation reports from spider people all across the multiverse. Things you'd missed whilst bedbound, asking for advice before you left. He trusted your judgement and the thought warmed your heart, almost making you forget that he completely brushed past the previous nights before. 
You still remember the last thing he had said to you, which would've been weeks ago, now. 
"...and if you need anything, and I mean anything, you call me directly. Not Jess, not Ben, and certainly not Peter B. Call me, and I'll answer, I promise. You need help, you need advice, you just need someone to talk to, then-"
"-I call you. I get it, O'Hara. Will do." He opens the portal, watching as you walk towards it. He can't take his eyes off of you, even though you can't see him. At the last moment you turn, and run towards him. You almost knock him over with a hug. Burying his head in the crook of your shoulder, he hugs you back, ever careful of your injury. Separating, your smile almost knocks him over again. Weakly, he smiles back as you head through the portal, back home. 
You're left with that feeling, of his arms around your body - warm, so warm - as you putter about by the switchboard. After careful deliberation (you were really, really bored ) you'd taken to manage the Multi Modal Multiversal Switchboard - as aptly named by Miguel. Everyone else called it the Big Red Phone of course, but he had insisted on calling it by its proper name . Every. Time. 
The thought makes you chuckle as you call up Peter B. His icon flashes on the screen in front of you. With a click, he picks up the call, his face materialising holographically in front you. A little hand reaches up and tugs at his ear. 
"Ow… ouch … Dad's on the phone, honey."
"Aww! How's my favourite Parker doing?" 
"Not bad, actually! MJ just made us probably the best burger this side of New York-"
"-sorry, Peter? Me and May are trying to have a conversation." You hear her giggle in the background. Her gap toothed grin pops into frame and she babbles excitedly. "...yeah, exactly May. That's literally what I said."
"Okay, okay, that's enough." He puts the toddler down and watches her scurry away. "You're feeling better, I see."
"Yeah, back in action. Thought I'd check in."
"All good here." He squints, trying to take in your surroundings. "You're at HQ?" 
You hum.
"Could've sworn Lyla cancelled…"
"Yeah, didn't get the memo. But I think something's wrong with O'Hara."
He gives you a weird look. "Uhhh, what makes you think that?" 
"He won't even look at me. Was it something I said? Something I did?" Your eyes narrow. "...what do you know, Peter?"
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" He scoffs, a little too quickly, clutching his chest like you've offended him. He's stared down some of the scariest villains around, but the look you give him is truly chilling. "Just… uhhh. You didn't hear this from me." 
"Naturally…"
"We tracked 'em down, the guys that ambushed you and Jessica."
"The Sinister Six? From Earth-215?"
"Yeah, but by the time we got there, it was just Kraven and some of his goons. Miguel got there first, and…." He gulps. "He was pissed. Trashed the whole place looking for the rest of 'em. Beat Kraven half to death and we had to pull him off."
"Shit."
"Yeah, it was pretty rough. Never seen him like that before. And just generally? He'd been weirdly quiet, a little grumpy, more aggressive on missions. I don't know what's gotten into him."
"Hmmm. Thanks, Pete."
"No problem, sweetheart. And if the big guy asks… "
"...this didn't come from you, I know." Weakly, you smile. "Say hi to my favourite Parkers, for me." 
" 'Course I will. We should celebrate, if you're back officially. Mine and MJ's is always open."
"Good to know. I'll see you around."
He waves goodbye, and the hologram clicks off. Sighing, you try to piece together what you've just heard. 
Miguel: acting weird. Well, you knew that already. Aggressive was new. And Lyla? She had canceled, but not for you, for some reason. An honest mistake, perhaps. But Lyla doesn't make mistakes… 
You stew for a couple of hours, puttering about the switchboard, twiddling your thumbs. Something's wrong, and for some reason you're afraid to see him. To have him look straight through you, again, when you ask to do the same. Show me where it hurts. Tell me how to make it better.  
On the way there, you chew your lip in anticipation. In the corridor, you're outside the door to his place, hand hovering above the door. To knock, to call. In the harsh fluorescent light, you hesitate. 
"Lyla?" Nervously, you sink down onto the floor. It's hard to explain, but you don't expect her to actually come; to materialise in front of you. 
"How can I assist you?" She says with a ding. 
"Uhh… hi. Just wanted to talk." You pause, clicking your tongue. "Can you be honest with me?" 
"I can only be honest with you. It is not in my programming to lie, unless specified by my owner."
"Sure. Cool. It's about him, actually. Is Miguel okay?" 
She tilts her head, as if processing your request. "Okay is a subjective term. Is Mr O'Hara alive? Yes. Is Mr O'Hara physically well? Yes. By those terms, he is okay ."
Too vague for your own liking. "I guess I meant more… his emotional state. To the best of your knowledge… in your opinion , Lyla: is Miguel okay?" 
"...I believe Mr O'Hara is experiencing some emotional turmoil."
You frown. "Oh. Do you know why?" 
"Mr O'Hara has instructed me not to disclose that information with you."
"Fair enough. But you don't have to tell me… I could just ask questions?" 
She nods. "There is nothing in my programming that prevents me from answering some questions within certain parameters." 
"Did I do something? Not just today but… last time I was here. Did I say something to hurt or upset him? Is that why he's acting weird?"
"No." She says blankly. "And yes. I suppose it is… complicated." She gestures around that word. 
"I'm a little confused, Lyla."
She sits next to you, on the cool tile. Not that she could feel it, but it feels more intimate - like two friends talking. The extent of Lyla's consciousness, you weren't sure of. Was she alive? To you, she might as well be. Could she think, feel, emote? Maybe, maybe not. You weren't smart enough to understand the nuances of her programming. But you were human enough to see it in her - something glittering beyond the surface. 
It could be projection, but you swear her voice is softer. "He has a name for you. When he speaks about you, and to you. I have it logged in my memory database. Do you know what that is?" You shake your head. 
Lyla opens up her palm and projects videos and images - little Miguel's popping up in her palm, tinny and gruff voices ringing through the hallway. They say your name, shout your name, whisper it. Some say other things in Spanish. Curse words had always been your assumption, and he had given you no reason to think otherwise. Now, having it played back to you, you hear a tenderness in his voice you would've missed. Words and phrases that come up again and again…
"Bichita." She repeats. "Bichito del amor. Mi bichito amoroso. "
You shake your head, still confounded. "...I don't speak Spanish, Lyla." 
"Little bug. Sweetheart. Lovebug. My little lovebug." She clears her throat. "I believe they are terms of endearment."
Steadfast, she directs you towards her palm. Another small Miguel appears, and you think it's him from this morning. 
"I thought I told you not to let anyone in, Lyla?" 
"I did not let her in. She let herself in using the code you previously gave her, Mr O'Hara."
"Yeah, for emergencies. Fuck. Mi bichita, too smart for her own good."
"...If you are in distress, I believe she would understand, Mr O'Hara."
"I just think it's too much. I don't want her to see me like this." 
"According to Alchemax files, previous subjects showing this kind of aggression benefitted from-"
"Lyla, it's not happening, no chance. I can't tell her."
The figure blinks out of her palm. "Mr O'Hara has forbid me from telling you about certain things."
"...but not from showing me." Your eyes meet hers. You give her a watery smile. "Thank you." 
With a hint of a smile, she nods and is gone from the corridor. You are left alone, with nothing but your thoughts of little lovebugs rattling around in your brain.
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mrsbarnesblog · 7 months
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my everything
masterlist ko-fi ao3
Summary: The last thing that Bucky ever expected to see was the love of his life from the past trapped in one of the Hydra bunkers in the cryofreeze chamber. Yet here he was almost two days later, staring at your still unconscious body through the window at the medical wing, imagining the horror and disgust on your face when you found out that he was no longer the innocent and happy boy you knew before.
Word count: 6.8K
Warnings: angst and fluff, I fucked up original timeline so there is no civil war in here, bucky needs and gets a hug, you're bucky's gf from the 40's, cryofreeze, self hate talk, happy end.
Author's note: enjoy💘
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“Aren't you fucking tired of this?” Bucky growled as he burst into the common room where Sam, Steve, and Natasha were sitting. "If you set me up on another date, Wilson, I'll break your fucking wings."
Sam rolled his eyes and said, "Calm down, cyborg. Look at you, all angry and stressed out; you need to get laid! When was the last time you’ve been on a date?"
Steve raised his eyebrows in surprise as he glanced between his two friends.
"Sit down, Barnes." Nat nodded her head at the couch across from her. Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, as too many feelings were bubbling inside of him, but he obeyed and sat down, crossing his arms over his chest. “Now explain what happened.”
 "This idiot is trying to set me up again.” He said, nodding towards Sam. "And I told you I'm not interested."
 “But why? Don't you want to feel like back in the days and have some fun with pretty women? This Hydra shit clearly wasn’t good for you. You’re too tense and always mad. Go on a date, maybe you’ll find a good girl to spend some time with.” Sam genuinely wanted to help his friend, and he didn’t understand why Bucky was so mad about it.
The look on Bucky’s face was weird. Like he wanted to say something but, at the same time, didn’t want to share his thoughts. 
“Are you already dating someone?” Natasha leaned with her elbows on her knees and studied his face. There was definitely something that Bucky didn’t want to say.
Steve looked between the three of his friends, and when Nat asked Bucky a question, it was like a bulb turned on in his head.
 "Buck…" Bucky met Steve's eyes, holding eye contact for a few seconds, like they were talking about something that only they knew.
 “Hey!” Sam said, waving his hands. “What are you two doing? Do you know something, Rogers?”
 “Buck, is it because of her?” The blonde said it almost in a whisper. “You still remember, right?”
“Did you have a girlfriend before the war?” Natasha, as always, understood everything immediately, and it was funny to see how Sam’s mouth fell open in shock.
Bucky clenched and unclenched his hands in his lap, not sure if he should reveal the truth. He had kept it to himself for so long—ever since he escaped Hydra and the memories from the past started to flood his head. It was too painful to think about you. To think about the woman who was his whole life many years ago. He remembered everything, and now he sees you in his dreams almost every night. Sometimes in nightmares, sometimes in the good ones, about the life that you two would’ve had if he hadn’t gone to war.
“What the hell are you hiding from us?” Sam shouted again, trying to get attention.
 “I…” Bucky frowns, staring at his hands. “I had a girlfriend... before the army, before the Hydra.” He closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. Just the thought of you hurt him, making him regret everything. That he left, that he didn’t marry you, and that the universe had this shitty plan.
 “And that’s why you don’t want to go out with someone?” Come on, man, how long has it been?  80 years? Get over it. It must have been another one of your girlfriends that you hooked up with when you were young.” He chuckled, looking between his friends, none of whom seemed happy with his choice of words.
 "Sam, don't—"
“You sound like an asshole.” 
 “Get over it?” Bucky didn’t let Steve or Nat finish their sentences before he barked at Sam, looking even more angry than before. “Just another one of my girlfriends? Do you have any idea what the fuck you're talking about, Wilson? " He looked like he was ready to kick his friend right in the face. “She wasn’t one of them. In fact, there was no “them”. In my entire life, I’ve never even touched another woman because I've been in love with Y/N since I was 14. We started dating when I turned 18, and I proposed before I had to go to the war.”
Bucky’s emotions quickly changed as the hot rage turned into a longing for memories and feelings. He felt a lump in his throat, so he reached into his pocket for his wallet, from which he pulled out your old and shabby photo, gently running his finger over your face.
“Y/N was everything to me. She said yes, and I promised her that I would return so we could get married. I imagined that I would spend my whole life with her, you know? I don't need any other woman. I do not want it. I still love her, and I don't care if either of you find it funny.
The room fell into heavy silence. Steve just looked out the window, remembering the times when the three of you went to Coney Island, and he was always the third wheel. You were his friend too, and the aching feeling in his chest was too heavy.
Sam felt a little bit awkward after saying these things about your relationships. He wanted to tease Bucky, not be rude.
Natasha was the one who took the first step when she stretched the arm so Bucky would give her the photo. “You two look so cheesy. She’s really gorgeous.” She smirked, looking at the old black-and-white photo of you two sitting on the bench. Your back was almost lying on Bucky’s body, and his arms were wrapped around you. It seemed like you were talking about something and enjoying the private moment. Bucky had the biggest smile Natasha has ever seen on his face, as he was looking at you with heart eyes.
 “Can I see?” Sam finally asked, nodding at the photograph in Natasha's hands. She passed him the photo and Bucky moved in his place, feeling a little bit uncomfortable about revealing this part of his life. 
“You two look cute. Weird to see a smile on your face.” Sam chuckled.
“Where did you find this photo?” Steve leaned closer to the picture, immediately remembering the day you and Bucky took it and the way Bucky has had it with him ever since.
 “I took it to the war. Always had it in a jacket, even on missions. She was with me that day on the train. I think Hydra found this in my pocket. When I ran away from there, I found a box with my stuff; the photo was there.”
 “Have you… tried to find something about her?” Steve lifted his head, studying his friend's reaction.
 “Yeah,” Bucky sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know how, but I didn’t find anything. Two years after my fall, there was no record of her. No marriage certificate, no place of residence, no place of work. Nothing. Like she just disappeared.” He shook his head in despair. 
 “But it's impossible.” Steve frowned, giving the photo back. “A person can't just disappear and leave nothing behind.”
 "I don't know," Bucky shrugged, looking back at the photo for a second and then slipping it back into his wallet. "Maybe it's for the best. I don't know how I would come to terms with the news of her death.”
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It’s been almost two weeks since that conversation, and luckily for Bucky, Sam didn’t attempt to set him up with anyone anymore.
Earlier that day, Tony announced that his new technology had spotted some weird activity in something that looked like an old and hidden Hydra base. It was pretty much abandoned, but there were signs of small energy consumption, as if something was still constantly working. That’s why the team of Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Tony had to check it out and destroy any possible danger.
After being free from Hydra, Bucky didn’t take part in many missions because the team agreed that it would be better for him to heal and stay far away from triggers. But this base brought up many concerns: it was hidden far away, there was no information about it in nonofficial papers, and even Bucky himself had never heard about it. Tony insisted that someone with knowledge of the Hydra system should go there too.
When the four of them arrived on the quinjet at something that looked like a well-hidden abandoned bunker, they decided not to split up and go through the main and only entrance.
“Be careful; we don’t know that they might hide in here.” Steve said, going in first with a shield in front of him. Bucky and Sam went after him, holding rifles and checking the big and almost empty room.
“They should clean in here, kinda dusty.” Tony chuckled in his usual playful voice. 
“It’s not a good time for your jokes, Stark.” Steve was always a little too serious during missions, and Tony really liked pushing his buttons. “I see the light in the other room.” He whispered, carefully opening the door. 
“Holy shit.” Sam and Tony spoke at the same time when all four of them entered the giant room.
There were five big glass machines that were a little bit foggy and had a little lightning in them.
“What is this?” Steve ran closer to one of them and saw that there was a man inside. “Oh my god, there is a man in here... It looks like he’s alive.”
“There is a folder called “The Winter Soldier Program” with personal information.” Sam said, picking up a file from the shelf in the corner of the room. “George Harris, 27 from New York. Kathleen Hill, 21 from New York…” He read, mumbling to himself.
“It’s a cryostasis chamber. Hydra used it to freeze me.” Bucky lowered his rifle, coming closer to one of the chambers. Another man. “It lowers your body temperature to the point that you can be kept like that for many years. Hydra– “ Bucky went silent when he got to another glass camera. 
“Barnes? Why is there—” Sam didn’t finish his words when the sound of Bucky’s weapon falling on the cold concrete filled the room. 
“No-no-no, please, no!” He whispered, moving closer to the glass. He couldn’t believe what he saw. 
You were right in front of him, with closed eyes and too pale skin. That was impossible. It’s not you. There was no chance that you somehow ended up with Hydra. 
Bucky felt like he was unable to breathe. He tried to inhale some air, but the lump in his throat was too big. The tears blurred his vision; he didn’t hear anything around him, as your almost lifeless body was the only thing that he thought about. You, his sweet girl, somehow ended up trapped with monsters, and he couldn’t do anything to save you from it. 
“Bucky!” Two pairs of hands dragged him from the chamber, and the blurry vision of his best friend was now visible in front of him. “Bucky, listen to me! You should calm down, buddy. Just breathe, okay?” Steve deeply inhaled and exhaled to help Bucky, and after a few minutes, he was finally able to speak.
“T-that’s impossible, Steve. She shouldn’t be there! She should’ve found another man and lived a happy life with her family!” He said in a shaking voice, angrily wiping away tears from his face. 
“I don’t know how this happened, Buck; I really don’t. But she may be alive there.” Steve supportively squeezed Bucky’s shoulder. 
“We can’t just take these people out. We should transport them to the tower and find the safest way to unfreeze them.” Tony said in a serious voice, not joking around anymore. He walked closer to the chambers, studying each of them. “It looks like they are working on their own power, and this one, “he pointed at the one that was dark and with water drops from the inside. “Doesn’t work anymore. The man is probably dead.” 
“Are there any chances of getting them out of there alive?” Sam glared at Bucky, who was just staring at your peaceful but haggard face through the glass.
“I don’t know, but me and Banner will do everything we can.”
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It took another day to find a way to move four of the still-working chambers to the compound and ten more hours to defrost everyone. and to say that Bucky was completely stressed out and exhausted was an understatement. He didn’t sleep at all, staying in the room near the lab to get all the news as soon as possible. He walked around the room for hours, overthinking everything—what will happen if you die or if you survive? Is it really better for you to wake up and see all the damage that he has done for the past years? To see the empty shell of the person you loved in the past?
“Barnes!” Tony blasted through the doors with a grin on his face. “We did it.”
“You did it?” Bucky’s whole body was buzzing with energy and anxiety. “Where is she? Is she alive? Is she conscious? Can I see her?”
“Wow-wow, calm down. She is alive, but you can’t see or visit her right now. Dr. Cho has to run many tests to find out whether your lovebird is healthy or not.” Tony nodded his head toward the corridor so Bucky would follow him. “We put each of them into a different room, and your Blonde Bestie insisted on putting Y/N into the best and the biggest one. There is a special window through which you can see her, but she cannot see you from the inside. So you can be as creepy as you want to until she gets better.” Stark slapped Bucky on the shoulder to show some kind of support when they stopped in front of the said window. 
You were lying on the bed, surrounded by too many wires and monitors. Dr. Cho was standing above you, writing something down, and checking the device near your head.
She said something aloud, probably talking to FRIDAY, and came out of the room. 
“Oh, Mr.Barnes, I heard that Y/N was your girlfriend, right?” She smiled, and Bucky slightly nodded, not being able to completely drag his attention from your body. “I’ll tell you this: it’s my most difficult and unique case, but she’s a strong one. Her body heals faster than other people’s from cryo. I believe she’ll be fully awake tomorrow.” 
“Thank you, Dr.Cho.” Bucky felt a little bit better now that he had more hope that you could really be back. Dr.Cho gave him another smile and left to check on her other patients. 
“I have to find out if these people have families. Did Y/N have someone who might be alive?” Tony asked. 
“No, she didn’t.”
“I’ll go, and you, Barnes, will stay away from her for now, understood?” He pointed a finger into Bucky’s face. 
“Yes. I’ll just watch from here.” 
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You were alive. You were awake. Bucky saw with his own eyes as your body started moving and you slowly sat on the bed, confused by your surroundings. He saw panic on your face because you were clearly disoriented and scared to be alone in an unknown place. 
As fast as he could, he found Dr. Cho, who was in the room with Steve and Natasha. When he, choking on all the emotions, told them about you, it was a mess. 
Dr. Cho and a few other nurses ran to your room to check your condition because you were the first one to open your eyes.
Bucky, Steve, and Nat stood on the other side of the window. Bucky wasn’t able to fully convince himself that it was true that you were so close to him. It felt like a dream, like a weird picture that his brain created to comfort him. 
“She’s okay, Buddy.” Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder because it seemed like he didn’t even blink or breathe. “You can see her soon.”
“No.” He mumbled.
“What?” His friend’s head shot in his direction.
“Someone else should talk to her first. Tell her about my past. Maybe she won’t even want to see me after everything I’ve done.”
“I can go and talk to her first.” Natasha softly smiled. She knew the feeling when you’re afraid that someone will leave you because of your past. “I think it’s better for Y/N to first find out that she woke up in the new century and that she was cryofrozen for many years. I’ll tell her that Steve is alive, and then me and you can both tell her about Bucky.” 
Bucky just nodded to her words, still not being able to look at anything besides you. He wasn’t sure that after you find out all the truth, you’ll allow him to even be around you, so for now, he tried to memorize you as much as he could. 
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Since the moment you opened your eyes, everything felt unknown and different. You couldn’t explain it, but something had changed. You didn’t know where you were, what time it was, how you ended up in that place, or who all these people were. You felt scared as too many doctors crowded your room and fussed around, talking about tests and medical procedures. 
The young woman who seemed to be in charge was actually really sweet. After only you and her were left in the room, she sat on your bed with a pile of clothes in her hands and smiled at you. 
“So, Y/N, my name is Dr. Cho, and I’m here to help you heal faster and without any consequences.” 
“Where am I?” Your voice was too raspy and harsh. It felt like you swallowed a glass of sand. 
She sighed, looking at her journal. “It’s hard to explain, but I promise that there’s nothing to worry about. You are safe. In a few minutes, someone will visit you to talk about everything and answer any of your questions. Now, I was told to give you these clothes so it would be more comfortable for you. You can change in the bathroom right there; there is also anything you might need like a toothbrush, soap, and so on.” She pointed at the door in the corner of the room. 
You stayed silent until Dr. Cho left your room, and then slowly, feeling kind of scared to move around this place, you went to the bathroom to change out of the hospital gown. 
The bathroom looked even weirder than the main room; you had never seen such furniture and interiors. And when you unfolded your new clothes, it took you a few seconds to figure it out. It was some kind of soft pants and a large t-shirt. What kind of clothes was it? Yes, they were actually comfortable, but it wasn’t something that you saw in the stores. 
While you were brushing your teeth, your brain was working too hard trying to figure out what the hell was going on, until you heard someone calling your name. 
“Hey, Y/N, my name is Natasha.” The pretty red-headed woman was standing near your bed with a tray and food in her hands. 
“Please, tell me what’s going on. Where am I? Why does everything look so strange here?” You said in a desperate voice, you almost wanted to scream because you woke up several hours ago, but no one told you a single thing.
“Don’t be nervous, honey. Let's sit on the bed; you’ll eat your special meal, and I’ll tell you everything you want.” She was so nice and genuine, so you nodded and sat down. 
Natasha placed a tray near you, and you saw that it was your favorite food of all time. You took a bite, and your taste buds were immediately filled with the taste of the meal that James cooked you almost every day. James. It was his recipe. The tears flooded your eyes when all of the memories about your dead boyfriend returned to your head. Yeah, how could you forget that it had been at least two years since he was gone? 
“Y/N? What happened?” Natasha’s worried voice distracted you. 
“It just reminded me of someone. I felt like I was home, and it hurts me because nothing is the same anymore.” You wiped your tears away, taking another bite. 
“I promise you that everything is going to be okay. You are not alone here.” You frowned at her words but still nodded. “So ask whatever you want to.” 
“Where am I, and why does everything look so different?”
“You are at the Avengers Tower, located in Manhattan, New York City. I know that might sound ridiculous, but you were in the cryostasis chamber up until now. It’s 2023, and a lot of things have changed in the world; that's why it might be confusing.”
You stayed silent for a few seconds, overthinking Natasha’s words. “It can’t be true. I can’t be more than one hundred years old now. And I look the same.” 
“This is how cryostasis works—it freezes the body so it can survive many years without any changes. Now tell me how you ended up with Hydra. What is the last thing you remember before waking up here?” 
“Back in the 40s, I was a nurse. My– my boyfriend— he died during the war.” You stopped because of the lump in your throat. It was too hard to bring back these memories because it was the first time you said these words out loud. “He died, and then my closest friend died too, and I just had no one left. I was alone, and I didn’t even know what to live for because all of my dreams about family and a happy life with the person I loved died too.” Natasha put her hand over yours on the bed and gave you a supportive squeeze. “Then one day in our hospital, scientists were looking for people who would like to test new serums. I decided that I had nothing to lose, so me and a few other nurses signed in.” 
“Kathleen, Josh, Adam, and Frank, right?” The woman in front of you gave you a sad smile.
“Yes, how do you know that?” 
“We found them with you. Adam’s camera was broken, so he died a long time ago, but the rest of them are here too, but, unfortunately, they haven’t regained consciousness yet.” 
You nodded. Your food was now done and set aside, and you sat on the bed more comfortably, bringing your knees to your chest. “These scientists were running some tests on us in the lab that they brought us in. It felt weird, and I remember that Kathleen always complained that it was painful. The last thing that happened was that they told us to step into a weird-looking machine that was meant to be a part of some kind of experiment. That’s it.”
“It was Hydra. A terrorist organization that tried to rule the world. They were evil, and you were lucky to get out of there alive.” Natasha pursed her lips. “Thank you for telling me this.” 
You two sat in silence for a few seconds until she looked over her shoulder at the weird-looking mirror that took up almost a whole wall. 
“Is anything wrong?” You furrowed.
“I have to tell and show you something really important, but everyone is worried about how you are going to react to this.” She studied your face with a weird expression. 
“Is there anything more crazy than me being in another century after I was frozen?” You tried to smile, but Natasha just nodded. 
“I’ll be right back. Please, try to breathe, okay?” She stood from your bed, took the tray, and left. 
Natasha came back, and behind her was the last person you ever expected to see again. You jumped on your feet, feeling like your eyes were lying to you. 
“This—this can’t be true... No, Natasha—Steve, you died.” You mumbled under your breath. Your heart rate was way higher than usual, and it felt like you were drowning. You put your hand over your eyes, as your body started shaking. It’s just a dream. It’s just a weird fucking dream.
Two large hands wrapped around your body, pulling you into the hard chest. “Sh-s, Y/N, breathe, just breathe.” His familiar voice filled your ears, and you started crying harder, gripping his shirt. He was rocking you from side to side like a baby, while your tears and sobs filled the silent room.
“What– how– how is this possible? You crushed the plane into ice.” You shattered, tears running down your face.
“The Super Soldier serum saved me. The S.H.I.E.L.D. found my body 12 years ago.” Steve loosened his arms around you, allowing you to look up at him. He was exactly the same. This blonde hair, these light blue eyes, and that soft smile that he always had for you. “Please, sit back on the bed. We have a lot to talk about.” His face was now more serious. Even though he was extremely happy to get back his second closest best friend, he knew that Bucky was dying without you.
Steve and Bucky both looked at your interaction with Natasha, and it was obvious that everything Bucky wanted was for you to be near him. He looked through that window without any distraction, and his face lit up with a small smile when you tasted the food that he cooked for you and became emotional. He knew that you would appreciate it.
“About what?” You wiped your face with the back of your hand and sat down, holding Steve's hand. Natasha, who was still standing in the middle of the room, passed him a thick folder and left. Steve sat near you and gave you a supportive smile. 
“Bucky.” 
You froze and snatched your hand out of his. 
“Steve, no. Please—” You wrapped your hands around your body, as if you were instantly trying to hide from the pain that was aching in your chest. “Please, don’t hurt me anymore. I can’t handle that. Talking about him w-when he’s not with me anymore.” The sods started to get out of you, and you hid your face from Steve’s soft and apologizing eyes.
“He is alive.” Steve’s hands fell on your shoulders, and he lowered his head, trying to make you look him in the eyes.
“Don’t lie to me! He is dead; I saw the reports; I got the letter from Phillips saying that he’s sorry for our loss!” You particularly yelled at your friend. 
“Y/N, listen to me, okay? Bucky is alive. He is here. Behind that door, he’s watching us right now.” You were shaking your head in denial. 
That was impossible. You knew all this story; Steve himself told you what happened that day. There was no chance for Bucky to survive the fall from that height in the middle of nowhere. Yet here was Steve, sitting right before you. His big blue and soft eyes were looking into your eyes, and you didn’t see a single sign of hesitation or lying in there. He was so genuine that you wanted to believe that your boyfriend was, in fact, a few meters away from you.
“How? And why? James– he would’ve been with me if he were alive. Why isn’t he here?” You sobbed, and then the realization came to you. “That food—the food that Natsha brought me. It tasted exactly like he made it.”
“Bucky thought that it might comfort you. He found you in that laboratory, he has been near you since that day, and he saw that you were scared and disoriented when you woke up. And that's why I am here. Bucky insisted that I should talk to you first and tell you everything. He is afraid that you might not see him anymore after finding out everything that is written here.” Steve picked up the folder and put it on your lap. 
“The Winter Soldier” was written on top of the old-looking piece of paper, and for some reason you felt something weird in your chest.
“I want to let you know that whatever is in here, it cannot make me hate him.” You mumbled, hesitating to open the folder. “What’s in there, Steve? Tell me everything.”
“These are the papers that S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra had on the Winter Soldier. Everything that happened to him: experiments, torture, assassinations, crimes. This is what happened to Bucky after the fall. This is what Hydra did to him over these years.” 
You felt a lump in your throat when you opened the first page and saw Bucky’s photo from the army. But nothing prepared you for everything you read and saw after that. He wasn’t even James or Bucky anymore. He was a Soldier. An Asset. Someone without an identity. All the detailed descriptions of the medical procedures, brainwashing, electroshock, torture, and punishments with attached photos made you want to vomit and cry hysterically. You couldn’t stop crying when your shaking hands took a picture of the love of your life sitting shirtless and unconscious on some kind of stool with wires attached to his head. 
How could someone do that? How could someone torture a person almost to death and then just write about it like it was a fucking dairy? 
“His arm, it’s metal. Why is it made from metal?” Your teary-red eyes shoot back to Steve’s face. 
“Bucky lost it during the fall. They gave him a new one, but it causes him a lot of pain. Physical and mental.”
“I don’t— Steve, I don’t understand.” You took another picture with Bucky standing in his full black costume and a mask, not a single emotion on his face. “Why did they do this? For what?” 
“Hydra wanted to have the perfect asset. Killing machine. To commit crimes, kill unwanted people, and basically rule the world.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, looking at the floor. “They made Bucky the best. They completely cleared his head from the memories of his past; they trained him to be invincible and invisible. They had a special combination of words to control him, so he would always come back and do as he was told.”
You closed the file and moved it aside, closing your face with your hands while you were crying.
“And he thinks that I can reject him?” You whispered.
“Y/N, please try to understand what such things can do to your brain. Bucky goes to therapy, but he probably would never be able to fully heal from this experience.” His hand fell on your shoulder and squeezed it slightly. “Bucky always was a good person; that's why right now he feels so much guilt that it’s unimaginable. Even if nothing of this is his fault, he can’t forgive himself for these murders and damage. He has PTSD, nightmares, and a lot of trust issues.”
“I understand, but I would’ve never rejected him. He’s everything that I had, and when I lost him, it felt like hell.” You took a deep breath, looking Steve in the eyes. “Please, let me see him. I need it, and he needs it too.” Steve’s eyes softened at you. He almost forgot the love that his two best friends had for each other. 
“Give me a minute, okay?” He smiled, kissed your head, and left your room, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
You were really going to see the man that you thought you had lost forever in a few seconds. It was almost three years for you, but almost eighty for him. A wave of anxiety washed over you when you thought that maybe he doesn’t feel the same anymore and doesn’t have the same feelings as you do. You almost went down a rabbit hole until the door started to open. 
You slowly stood up, feeling a little bit uneasy. Even though you and Steve were just talking about it, seeing Bucky alive felt unreal. Your eyes were sliding up and down his face to remember every little part. He looked different, more mature, with a broad chest and shoulders and long, silky hair. 
Bucky’s heart was pounding in his ears, and his mouth was completely dry while you were observing him. You had tears in your eyes, and your lower lip was trembling when you tried to hold yourself from crying out loud. You were in some baggy clothes that Nat found for you, but you still looked fucking gorgeous. Still the most beautiful girl on the whole planet. 
“Doll…” Bucky’s raspy voice filled the room, and it was everything you needed. 
In just a second, you ran to him, falling right into his body. Arms wrapped around his shoulders, and your face hidden into his neck. 
As soon as Bucky finally hugged your smaller body and felt that it was real and that you were real, he broke down. Every last piece of strength went through the window as the tears rolled down his cheeks, probably soaking your t-shirt.
He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for your forgiveness for all of the awful things that he had done. He didn’t deserve you anymore, not with this much blood on his hands. But Bucky couldn’t do what he wanted because your grip on him was so strong that he wasn’t even able to move away for an inch. 
“James…” Your quiet voice filled his ears, and it sent shivers down his spine. Only you and his ma called him that, and he missed it so fucking much.
Bucky’s hands moved from your waist a little bit lower, and you viewed it as an opportunity to get even closer. Your legs instantly wrapped around his body, and Bucky, making sure that you wouldn’t fall, went to the bed and sat down with you on his knees. 
“I’m so sorry... I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve done.” He sobbed, shaking his head. You pulled away a little bit, finally meeting Bucky face-to-face. 
“Don’t you dare apologize for the things that you weren’t able to control, James!” Your voice suddenly became rough, filled with so much anger toward the people who hurt your precious boy. His hand on your waist tightened, and you slid your own to cup Bucky’s face. “I want to kill every one of them. Everyone who hurt you, who punished you,” Soft fingertips traced the delicate skin of the templates where, as you remember from the photos, wires with electricity were placed. “You didn’t deserve to go through this, James. I wish I was there for you.” 
“You were always with me. Even when they wiped me, I still had someone in my head. A woman with a soft voice, who told me that I'm strong and that it will end soon. I would’ve died without it.” You both were looking into each other's teary eyes, both feeling too much love and desire. 
Your head slightly tilted towards his, connecting your foreheads, and for a few seconds, it felt like home. Like nothing happened and you two were just having a lazy morning in bed.
The calloused hand on the side of your face brought you back to reality. Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes were looking into yours, and, sharing one thought, you both moved closer and connected your lips. The kiss was so soft, slow, and gentle, like you had the whole time in the world. It was this type of kiss that said that you both were there and alive. It was a reminder of the love that you had for each other. Reassurance, that no matter what, you will be there.
“I missed you so fucking much, doll. Since the day I first remembered everything, all I could think about was you. Even tried to find you, but there was not a single document. I started to believe that you just found a man, changed your last name, and moved away from that mess.” You were so close to each other, not wanting to split up even for a second. Your hands were moving up and down Bucky’s hard chest while he was rubbing the soft skin of your cheek with his thumb.
“Are you joking, James? No one was able to replace you. The only people I talked to during that time were your mom and Becca.” His facial expression slightly changed at the mention of his family, and you placed a soft kiss on his stubble cheek. “I should’ve been the one who took care of them, but I was nothing without you, and Winnie almost made me move in with them. That’s why I jumped at the opportunity to be a volunteer for these tests.” 
Bucky shook his head, his eyes again full of regret and pain. “I hate that it happened because of me.”
“At least I’m here right now. With you.” You smiled, sliding your hand into his dark, long locks. “You know, James, you look really good for someone who’s older than one hundred years old. I like your hair. And stubble.” His eyes rolled back at the feeling of your nails on his scalp. It had been so long since someone touched him without an intention to hurt him, and the realization of that made your heart swell with the need to take care of your boyfriend. 
“You know that you’re one year younger than me, right?” Your favorite little smirk in the whole world appeared on Bucky’s lips, and you smiled, moving a little bit closer to his body. The metal hand on your waist tightened, and you realized that you hadn't seen it in person yet. 
Your right hand reached behind you, grabbing a hard wrist that was covered in leather. Bucky’s body immediately froze under you, and his eyes snapped open. 
“Doll, no… You don’t have to...” 
“I want to. Give me your hand, James.” You said without any hesitation. Bucky looked you in the eyes for a few seconds, but then brought his metal hand between your bodies. “It’s just me, okay? I’m not scared, and I want to know everything.” You wrapped both of your hands around his hand and then gently started to take off the glove. 
The dark metal with beautiful golden stripes was shining under the bright light of the room. Your mouth slightly opened when you moved each finger with interest. Your gentle hands slid higher, rolling up the sleeve of the red henley Bucky was wearing. It was so smooth, without any sharp details, just an amazing and mind-blowing mechanism. 
“That’s so beautiful.” You mumbled in awe. Suddenly the plates under your hands moved, and a quiet whirring sound filled the room. You shot your eyes back at Bucky in shock, only to see that he was already looking at you with so much love that you almost melted. “Did you do that?” 
“It’s a new arm, not from Hydra. It reacts to my emotions. No one ever touched it without any fear.” You almost missed that last sentence, but the hurt in Bucky’s voice made you grab his face with your hands to get his whole attention.
“Listen to me, James. I’m not afraid of you. I won’t reject you. You are everything that I want. You still have the biggest and kindest heart of the guy that I met many years ago, and I’ll do everything to prove to you this.” The metal hand carefully touched your hand on the side of his face. “I love you. I love you so much, James.”
“I love you too, Doll. More than anything in this life,” Your lips crushed into each other, now sharing a more passionate and deep kiss. You slightly tilted your head, allowing Bucky to part your lips with his tongue and playfully bite you. It was almost too overwhelming, and you both were completely lost in each other until you finally needed to breathe. 
“Stay here with me, please. I don’t want you to leave.” You whined, trying to push your big and strong super soldier onto the bed. 
“I won’t leave, baby.” He chuckled, allowing you to push him back. You happily giggled and laid near him, interlacing your bodies together. 
You two were just staying in your own little bubble on your bed for what seemed like forever, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, until you finally fell asleep, feeling happy and peaceful in each other's arms.  
2K notes · View notes
roosterr · 8 months
Text
only you
note: him. that is all.
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pairing: kyle 'gaz' garrick x gn!reader
wc: 1.8k
summary: you and soap get to talking about your love life. gaz gets jealous.
warnings: little bit of miscommunication, jealousy, you and gaz make out, the mildest of spice
ao3
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sleepless nights were not a rarity for you. it comes with the territory in this line of work, unfortunately, something you and your fellow sergeants have in common. it also wasn't out of place for the three of you to find each other in the rec room well into the early hours of the morning, which is exactly where you'd ended up tonight.
perhaps it was the result of the insomnia that had kept you up far later than your mind could handle, but you'd foolishly divulged that you hadn't been on an actual date in a depressingly long time – soap seemed to find that far more amusing than you would've liked, and quickly took it upon himself to demonstrate his unique ability to make you wish you'd kept your mouth shut.
"c'mon, you cannae be serious," soap wears a shit-eating grin as he leans forward in the armchair, leaning his elbows on his knees as you roll your eyes. gaz stays quiet beside you, which you're silently grateful for, but you do feel his eyes on the side of your head.
"i just don't have the time for it," you sigh, resting your elbow on the arm of the sofa and dropping your hand into your palm.
it's true, your job didn't allow room for much of a social life, what with being sent all over the world for months at a time– really, it was a miracle you did anything except work.
that wasn't the main reason, he was sitting on your other side, but you'd be damned before you revealed that to soap,  of all people.
"well, if you can't get any, then there's nae hope for the rest of us." soap chuckles, reaching over and playfully nudging your arm.
you let out a groan, shoving his hand away and dragging your own down your face. "shut up, soap, that's not how it is…"
he laughs again at your reaction, still showing no signs of relenting. "maybe i'll have to take you out, then."
"on what? a pipe-bomb masterclass?" you scoff, the grin on your lips betraying your attempt at looking unimpressed. both of them laugh at that, soap raising his hands in a gesture that says 'so what?'.
"dinnae try'n tell me that wouldn't be an excitin' date." he reasons, tilting his head and quirking his brow at you. you narrow your eyes, humming in faux-consideration and playfully tapping a finger on your chin.
"for a pyromaniac, maybe…" gaz grumbles from beside you. the sofa moves under you as he shifts his weight around, and if you weren't so tired you would've noticed the way his voice trailed off in such an uncharacteristic manner.
"maybe," you laugh, shaking your head at the very idea of it, and the fact that soap definitely would if he could convince someone to go along with it. "that's if i don't wind up dead by the end of it."
"i wouldn't let anythin' happen to ya, bonnie, cross my heart." he grins, making an x over his chest with one finger.
"but you'd still make a homemade bomb right in front of me?" you lift an eyebrow at his teasing expression.
"my two favourite things; a good explosive  and a good view,"
"oh god, shut the fuck up." you groan, reaching to swat the back of his head as you stand up. "that's enough for tonight, i need sleep."
"think i'll call it a night too." gaz mumbles half-heartedly from his spot beside you, quickly standing and making his way to the door without another word. you frown, confused by his sudden coldness, waving to soap and calling a quiet 'goodnight' before you step out into the hallway after him.
"night, bonnie, i'll pick you up at eight!" soap calls, loud enough for you to hear in the corridor, earning a soft chuckle and another shake of your head as you catch up to gaz.
he doesn’t even spare you a glance as you trail behind him, marching ahead with a tension in his shoulders that hadn’t been there before. his abrupt switch in attitude concerned you; he was fine not even five minutes ago, what could’ve happened to change that? 
"you okay, gaz?" you ask with a hesitance that feels strange directed at him, someone you’re usually so confident around. for a moment there's no response, but he does slow down slightly, taking a right into a corner of the building with the lights shut off. you follow still, growing more concerned with every second that passes.
you’re about to ask again, but a few paces into the shadows gaz turns sharply on his heel, catching you off guard with how suddenly he stops walking and causing you to bump into his chest. 
"gaz…?" you utter, your quiet voice a ripple in the stillness of the empty corridor. he meets your eye as you look quizzically back at him, a conflicted expression taking over his features.
you open your mouth to say something more, but before you can get the words out he's laying a hand on your shoulder and gently pushing you against the wall. the hand on you shifts to rest in the crook of your neck and shoulder, while he leans the other on the wall with his hand next to your head.
your breath catches in your throat, and your previous exhaustion is completely forgotten. the way he's looking at you, staring straight through you with that deep brown gaze and right into your soul, it's like a spell has fallen over you.
kyle leans even closer, caging you in with his broad shoulders and blocking out the world around him, so he's the only thing you can focus on– as if you could possibly think about anything else when he's touching you so tenderly.
"don't go out with him…" he utters, his eyes flickering back and forth as they search yours. the pause between you hangs heavy in the air. when your questioning expression doesn't change, he takes his bottom lip between his teeth and drops his gaze, letting his eyes fall shut as he continues. "don't fuckin' go out with him, please…"
"wh…" you stutter, trailing off as you wonder inwardly what the hell he's talking about; and then it hits you.
there's another pause, and you swallow thickly at the realisation that he was talking about your earlier conversation with soap; that he was reacting like this because he thought you would actually take johnny seriously. "kyle… he was joking."
"i'm not." he mutters in response, shifting closer again by resting his forearm against the wall instead of his hand. he's looking at you again, with heavy eyes that keep you entranced by him. you can't help the uneven breath that escapes you under his intense gaze and the way his thumb begins to stroke your jaw. "let me take you out, i'll give you anything you want if you'll have me, love."
it's hard to concentrate on anything other than the sparks his touch creates as he caresses your skin. you're sure he can feel the way your pulse is racing under his fingertips. there's no one but him in this moment, the minimal distance between you still somehow feeling too great as you subconsciously lean your face closer to his.
the silence and your heartbeat are so loud in your ears, you almost don’t hear his next words.
"can i kiss you?" he asks, little more than a whisper, tilting his head so his lips ghost over yours. you breath another shuddering sigh, letting your eyes flutter closed as you nod almost imperceptibly.
"please."
time seems to slow as the word hangs in the air, the warmth radiating from him seeps into your skin as he closes the final distance and presses his lips against yours.
the hand on your neck travels up to your face, cradling your cheek with a touch so soft, almost disbelieving, like he expected you to disappear at any moment.
"i'm yours, love," he mumbles against you, never straying too far from your lips as he caresses your cheek, "i'm all yours…"
you loop your arms around his neck, knocking his hat loose in the process, but neither of you pay it any mind as it lands on the floor at your feet – too lost in yourselves to care. in the brief moment you part for air, a breathy whisper of his name escapes you, and as if a switch has flipped, his mouth is back against yours with a fervour that you struggle to keep up with.
he's running his hand up and down the length of your waist, your hip, hiking your leg up and around his side, dragging his touch over your thigh, like he can't get enough of you. it's intoxicating, the way you pant into each other, flush against one another yet still itching to get closer.
your lungs burn as he pulls away again, just enough to whisper, his voice low and needy, "god– the things you do to me, sweetheart,"
his touch is reverent as he takes you in; your touch, your skin, your taste, the sounds he pulls from you as he kneads the flesh of your waist under your shirt. it sends your head spinning, the blood rushing in your ears stopping you from thinking about anything other than the feel of his lips on yours.
you trail one of your hands down his body, over his chest and down to the hem of his shirt, where you slip your fingers under to rest against his toned stomach. his skin is hot under your hand, drawing another groan of your name from him, and he slowly moves his hands up your own abdomen, leaving a trail of goosebumps in the wake of his fingers–
"awh, c'mon!"
the sound of soap's voice startles you into knocking your head against the wall behind you, both yours and kyle's hands darting back from their less than appropriate positions.
you look over to the scott, a sheepish grin on your face at his disapproving face. kyle buries his face into your shoulder, a groan of both embarrassment and annoyance escaping his chest. you resist the urge to laugh, instead running your hands up and down his back in an attempt to comfort him.
"fucks sake, soap…" kyle grumbles, wrapping his arms back around your waist. he doesn't look up at your friend, opting to keep his undoubtedly embarrassed expression hidden by your neck.
"think i'll have to cancel that date after all." you cant keep the amusement off your face when you speak, earning a dramatic eye roll from soap.
"too right, ye animals…" he mutters, shaking his head in exasperation as he disappears around the corner again. neither of you move as you listen to his footsteps retreating down the corridor, staying frozen in place until it's quiet once more.
only once you're sure johnny's gone does the laugh you've been stifling bubble up from your chest, escaping into the otherwise quiet night as kyle finally lifts his head to meet your gaze.
he eyes the bashful smile pulling at your lips and lets out a laugh of his own, pressing his forehead back to yours and letting his eyes fall closed again.
killing soap could wait until tomorrow; right now, it was just you and him, and that's how you want to keep it.
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autumnleaves1991-blog · 8 months
Text
"Fine, I'll go with you." Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x F! Reader
Summary: It was exciting waiting for your boyfriend amongst the sea of families. If only your boyfriend didn't have a whole family waiting for him too. Thank god Lt. Seresin is there to save the day.
Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x F! Reader
Warnings: Language, Cheating (not Jake!), protective Jake, asshole ex-boyfriend, military inaccuracies I'm sure.
Cross Posted on AO3
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The homemade sign feels heavy in your hands. Your heart pounds steadily in your chest as a sea of blue uniforms begins to unload from the massive carrier. It feels incredible to be drowning in this sea of love and reunions. Families crying in each other's arms as they make it through another deployment, another separation. 
It would only be a matter of time before you could feel the same euphoria. You step on your tip toes, trying to seek him out when someone stumbles into you from behind. “Sorry,” she shakes her head, “I’m a mess right now.” 
She certainly looks it, a newborn strapped to her chest in a carrier and a toddler barely holding on, trying to bolt every chance he gets. “No worries,” you’re quick to reply, glancing down at the large sign and balloons in her hand. 
You pause, reading and re-reading it over again. Nicolas Arias. There is no doubt you could be reading it wrong and when you get a glance at the toddler again, your stomach churns. He is a spitting image of Nick…your Nick. You carefully fold up the sign and go to turn when you hear the little boy shout, “DADDY!” at the top of his lungs. 
Why you glance back, you don’t know but your chest aches when you see him, his smile blinding as he bends down to pick up the little boy. “Hi buddy,” you hear him shout, lifting him off the ground and spinning him around. He looks back at the woman, his eyes softening at the bundle against her chest, “and hello Princess,” he coos, “nice to meet you, I’m your daddy.” 
The tears spring to your eyes, and you quickly suck in a deep breath when his eyes lift to meet yours. He pauses, a deer caught in the headlights, you can see it, the raw panic on his face. Before you turn and walk away, you’d be damned if you were going to ruin this happy homecoming. While Nick is a fucking cheating bastard, and you would certainly be sending an anonymous letter to his wife later, they didn’t deserve this today. 
All around you is love and reunions, but instead, you just feel sick. The parking lot is jam-packed and you look around before stepping onto the road, letting out a gasp when someone grabs your arm and quickly pulls you back into a broad chest. A truck roars out of the lot, a handful of sailors inside shouting about freedom and shots. 
“Fuck,” you turn, taking in the man before you, he’s gorgeous; with blonde hair and eyes that look like the sea after a storm, “thank you,” you whisper, taking a step back when you realize you’re still in his arms. 
He smiles, but it doesn’t really meet his eyes, “not a problem, darling,” his accent surprises you, maybe Texan with a slight twang. He points down at the sign crumbled in your hand, “Didn’t find who you were looking for?” 
“Oh,” you glance at the sign, tossing it into the nearby trash can, “I found him alright. Along with his wife, newborn, and toddler.” 
He grimaces, “What a fucking turd waffle.” 
You can’t help the giggle that escapes, “a turd waffle?” 
He grins, “if the shoe fits.” Suddenly you notice a figure rushing towards you and you groan, turning quickly away mumbling obscenities under your breath. 
“Sweetheart,” Nick runs to your side, pulling you in for a hug, but you stay stiff as a board. “I can explain everything.” You step out of his arms putting some distance between you, the mystery man steps up behind you, towering over you like a looming bodyguard. 
“I don’t think we have anything else to say to each other Nick,” you wrap your arms around your waist, “seeing you married with two kids was enough of an explanation for me.” 
Nick stares down the man behind you, “Hey buddy, can you give us some privacy?” 
“Lieutenant Commander Seresin to you, Ensign,” he stands straighter, Nick pailing as he recognizes the name, “and I’ll leave when the lady tells me to.” 
“Please don’t go,” you whisper stepping back closer into his arms, one of his massive hands resting on your waist, strong and sure. 
“Seems like she’s made up her mind,” he grins, confidence coming off him in waves. “Why don’t you go back to your family and save this young lady the trouble of putting up with any more of your bullshit.” 
“I’ll go when I’m good and ready,” Nick takes a step closer, reaching for your arm, “sweetheart you just have to let me explain.” A wall of man blocks his path, “get the fuck out of my way,” Nick seethes, “I want to talk to my girl.” 
You step around the Lieutenent, “I’m not your girl anymore, you’re married for Christ's sake, with TWO kids,” you hold up two fingers for emphasis. 
“It didn’t bother you before,” he shrugs, “why should it now?” 
“I didn’t fucking KNOW,” you shout, drawing attention from several others around you, “do you really think I’d be here standing like an idiot waiting for you if I knew you were married?! Do you really think I would be dating you or sleeping with you, if I had any idea you had a wife?!” 
Nick looks around at the onlookers before letting out a scoff, “I knew you were a whore. Looks like you already replaced me, ain’t that right? And with someone of higher rank.” He laughs, “Keep this up baby and you can fuck an Admiral before the year ends.” 
“Stand down, Ensign Arias,” your protector steps closer, his jaw clenched, “go back to your family and leave now. Before I court-martial your ass.” 
“What the hell for?” Nick shouts. 
“Harassing civilians, disgracing the uniform, threatening an Officer, the list goes on and on.” Nick pales before he spits at the ground. 
“You can have her,” he glares at you, “wasn’t that good of pussy anyways.” The Lieutenant takes a threatening step closer, and you grab his arm while Nick scurries away like a rat. 
You both watch him walk away before you let go of his arm, “thank you,” you whisper, feeling the tears well up in your eyes, “I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t here.” 
“He really is a turd waffle,” he mumbles and you burst out laughing, the tears spilling down your cheeks. He hesitantly lifts a hand, brushing the tears off your cheeks, and you lean into his palm closing your eyes, his thumb brushing back and forth. “Jake,” he mumbles and you slowly open your eyes, blinking at him, “My name is Lieutenant Commander Jake Seresin. 
You tell him your name and he repeats it back, the words like honey on his lips. “It’s nice to meet you,” he repeats it again making you shiver. “Would you like to join me for a drink? I know this really great Navy bar called the Hard Deck, and I was going to meet up with a few of my fellow officers and their families.” 
“One question,” you step closer, and his hand drops from your cheek, moving to your waist as he whispers anything under his breath. “Are you married or currently seeing anyone? No secret mistresses or lovers I should be concerned about?” 
He grins, tugging you by the hooks in your denim jeans closer his lips ghosting over yours, “no, ma’am, I’m a one-woman type of man. And right now,” he presses his lips to yours in a soft kiss, stars exploding across your vision, before pulling back, “I’d like that woman to be you.” 
“Fine, I’ll go with you, but only on one condition,” you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down and closer to your lips. 
“What’s that?” he smiles, all the way up to his eyes, glancing down at you like you’re the only one around for miles. 
“You do that again,” and he does. 
A/N: Comments are appreciated, and yes this is me begging.
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selarina · 7 months
Text
Tracing Scars
→ Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 1.7k words
Content Warnings: hurt/comfort, megumi mentioned, canon-divergence, smut, oral sex(m!receiving), shower sex, choking Minors DNI
Read on AO3
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The first time you see your boyfriend crying, you feel uneasy. You want to leave and never come back to this house again, but you stay. You sit down next to him even as he pushes and grunts himself away from your touch. You sit down on the dirty floor and you stare at the wall in front of you.
It takes an hour or maybe two, you haven’t been keeping track. For all you know you spent a whole day here. But he finally slithers his way over to you to seat himself next to you. You don’t look at him but you feel the warmth of his shadow against your own.
You don’t speak and neither does he but you know. You know this has to do with his old life.
He never speaks of it and you’ve never cared for it. Not truly. Not when that allows you to not talk about your old life.
It’s been so nice, you just worry now — now that his tears have dried up, if he’ll want to go back to that life.
From what limited information you have — it had been rough for him. The remnants of the scars you trace your hand over, the calloused rough hands that hold your cheek, the hallow part of his heart you can never seem to fill. It’s evidence enough.
“Toji,” your words come out hushed. It’s only loud enough to reach his ears.
“Yeah,” he speaks up, his voice hoarse and broken. Broken in different way from all the times you’ve heard him talk.
“What’s wrong?” you say.
He doesn’t say anything, and you expected as much.
“You don’t have to tell me,” you continue. “I can come back when you’re ready. I can leave.”
“Don’t,” his word is immediate, and it’s firm. But mostly, you think it’s scared. Even through the deep baritone of his voice, you can feel it.
“Okay,” you say. “I’ll stay. You can talk about it if you want.”
He doesn’t say anything again and you find that it doesn’t frustrate you. Maybe it should but it never does.
“I’ll stay even if you don’t want to talk,” you say, hoping that’s enough.
He doesn’t say anything again, but his hand reaches for yours and you spend a good few minutes just playing with them. Tracing soft patterns and letters as he sits rigidly next to you. With every trace, however, he softens.
Melting, and melting until you notice that his shoulder is hunched over, just a little.
You smile, and the room goes quite again but it doesn't last long this time.
“I saw my son,” he speaks up, and your smile fades its away.
“You did?” you ask.
“Yeah,” he says. “I saw him. He’s grown now.”
“Yeah?” you ask. “How does he look?”
“Like a scrawny little thing. He looks like he eats nothing. He looks weak,” he tells you. “But you know the strangest thing happened — he started beating the shit out of this other kid. Big guy, muscles and all. And then another after another. They all fell to the ground, crying for their mothers,” he says, almost proud.
“Like father, like son. I guess,” you say with a soft chuckle.
“Yeah,” he says, and you sense some pride in his word. “Maybe he’s eating well then.”
“I’m sure he is,” you smile. Your hand encloses around his, as if to whisk him away you pull and he lets you, and that’s when you know — it’s time. “Let’s go take a bath.”
Not a minute later, you were walking into the bathroom just outside his bedroom. Inside, he glanced at himself in the mirror. His hand card through his dark hair.
"Do you want me to get a haircut?" he asked.
You smiled and shook your head. "Not yet. I like your hair like this. Do you like it?"
"I like what you like," he says nonchalantly as he swiped aside the shower curtains. He leaned over the tub, to turn the the water on, and switched it quickly over to the shower head.
The water usually takes a while to heat up so the two of you just wait.
"You want me to stay over today?" you ask. "I brought my car so I'll be fine going back late."
"You should stay," he says. "If you're not busy."
"Well, I have work but I'll set an alarm and close the door on my way out."
He nods, as he pulls his tshirt over his head, throwing it in the laundry chute that was next to the sink.
"I forgot my toothbrush at home," you say all too suddenly.
"I have the one you used last time," he nods towards the the second toothbrush placed in a stand. "Forgot to throw it out."
You don't respond instead you just pull your top over as well.
Your hand reaches out, placing itself under the shower head, feeling the water. Immediately, you drew it back.
"It's hot now," you say.
He hums, his hand reaching for your hips and you almost yelp at the touch of his cold hands.
"Your hands are cold," you say.
"Yeah?" he asks, as his move up to your bra strap.
"Yeah," you say as he undoes the clip. You discard your bra as you turn to face him.
You reach over to meet his lips for a kiss. The kiss — it's slow and steady but as most things with Toji go, it turns into rough and desperate venture instead.
His hands grab your hips, as he kept kissing you. He gives your lips a tug before he starts sucking them. His hands move from your hips to your ass, reaching down, reaching underneath your underwear to give them a squeeze as he continued to place kisses all over your lips, all over your neck.
And finally, after it felt like the two of you had been kissing for a millennia, you manage to pull away from his greedy lips, as you lower your knees down to the cold tiled floor.
Your hand make quick work, to reach under his sweatpants and his boxers, and it doesn't take long for you to find his cock hovering just a few centimeters away from your face.
He smacks the plump of your cheek with his cock, leaving it stained. In response, you rub the skin of your cheek is soft against him, not unlike a cat.
He groans, and your hand moves to hold him at the base as you start stroking his length. Both your hands continue stroking in opposite directions, so that every centimeter of him is within your touch.
You open your mouth wide and let the tip of cock sit on your tongue, before you begin to trace your tongue up and down, as his hands come up, over your head, to pull you in, urging you to do more.
And so you do, with the push of his hand, you move yourself forward, your throat swallowing up the full length of him.
And then, he thrusts further up, managing to choke you on the bare centimeters left of his cock. A few hard pumps, and then his cum spurted down your throat as you made quick work to wait and swallow it all whole.
"Come on," his hand reaches down to you. You take it and stand up. He urges you to jump. He walks inside, stepping beneath the shower head as he turns it on.
He toggles with the setting with one hand, making sure it's not too hot, or too cold, as you stay steady in the hold of his other hand. You don't move much, but you do leave soft kisses, leaving a mark every now and then on the slope of his neck.
It doesn't take long for the shower to reach a suitable amount of hot, and just after, you find your legs reaching to wound themselves tighter around his waist, as his cock makes its way into your pussy.
Your hips meet with a loud smack, cock pressed up and into your stomach. He is rough as he pulls out, and he's rough when his glides back in. Your legs dig deeper into his back at that, they tighten as if to keep him there with you like this all the time.
He reaches for your mouth, soaking up your cries and your growing moans. And it hasn't been too long, but Toji isn't surprised that he's coming already. He feels a certain softness for you today. You generally bring it out of him but today your arms tighten and your face crunches in pleasure, he starts thinking about a life with you. A new one, a brand new one, not this temporary state of limbo he's in. He thinks about a stupid picket fence house, not that you'd want that. You'd probably want something eclectic and strange, and so, his vision changes. He imagines a slew of strange items and trash. Trash he would willingly build a shelf for.
He groans at the thought of it all.
"Toji, I wanna cum," you moan into your words, into his neck.
"Yeah? You wanna cum?” Toji grits out, as he pushes you up against the wall behind you. You don't get time to feel the coldness of the tiles, it lasts for a moment, before the sensation of him inside you comes to the forefront once again.
"Yeah," you say. "Make me cum."
His hands reach up to your throat, he doesn't press on it, he simply keeps it there for a moment before finally, he begins to squeeze. You ease your mind into the sensation of being choked and help like this. And soon, your brain starts to slacken just little by little, until all you can see and feel is him — his hands, and his cock.
His hands looosen, as they come back up to support you by the waist, easing you up and down his cock as you feel the sensation of the slew of air reaching into throat.
“Cum for me, baby,” Toji groans, his lips up close to your neck.
And so, you do. Your cunt pulses and clenches before he pulls out. The white essence reaching the tiles below before the make its way into the drain.
You reach up, still drained from the orgasm but wanting to kiss him. Your lips meet in a tired kiss.
You pull away, patting his shoulder with no force in particular. "Let's actually take a bath now," you chuckle.
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blublublujk · 7 months
Text
baby if only you knew
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oneshot
word count: 5k
genre: strangers to lovers, hybrid world
pairings: wolf hybrid reader x bunny hybrid jungkook
summary:
“Do you still think that?” “Think what?” The bunny looks confused for a second.  “That I’m the prettiest hybrid.” You say, your heart on your sleeve but it doesn't matter anymore.  “Yes.” He answers with no hesitation. “I like you. A lot. I have for some time.”  “I like you too, Jungkookie.” There’s some comfortable silence for some time as you both stare at each other longingly. “Be my girlfriend pup?”  “Yes bun, a million times yes.” 
warnings: this got a bit fluffy but things speed up once we get past the slow part i swear. explicit sexual content; dirty talk, pet play (IDK they are hybrids so), unprotected sex, since he's a bunny everything is fast okay, knotting, come inflation, slight breeding kink, pussy eating, slick since reader is an omega, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampie
a.n: ik yall probably had no faith on me to come back but here i am keeping my promise. october was supposed to be a good month for me but it was so shitty so forgive me but i bring this as an apology. i'll be back on halloween with some ghost hoseok x reader content hehe that was supposed to be released first but i'll keep that for the spirit of halloween. see you then! ^.^
—> m.list
—> welcome me on ao3 & twt
Jungkook is an amazing boyfriend. He’s generous, sweet, he cares for the people around him, and most of all he’s understanding and patient with those around him. He’s genuinely a fucking angel sent down to bless the earth. Truly, you were beyond lucky to call him yours. 
In a world of hybrids, it wasn’t so abnormal to see hybrids of different breeds together. When you first met Jungkook, you hadn’t even realized he was of a different mix. There was a story for that but that would come later. 
Jungkook did his best to tuck his huge bunny ears into a beanie/hood or anything that would cover them— which was really the only way to immediately tell he was a bunny hybrid mix, besides the obvious indicator (his nose would twitch cutely). The bunny never spoke about that around you so from the very first day you had laid eyes on him, you assumed he was nothing more than a sweet, strong alpha (solely based on the way he would carry himself) with big beautiful brown doe starry eyes. 
The day soon came where you would find that wasn’t at all true, seeing him outside of college campus grounds. As you stepped inside a local diner to meet with friends, you were drawn to the hybrid instantly, spotting him way too quickly. It was as if you had already imprinted on the man and maybe you had but you weren’t ready to admit that yet. He was stuffing his cheeks with a cheeseburger, chopping it down as if someone would take it directly off his hands. Friends surrounded him, they smiled and patted his back realizing how quickly the younger was eating his meal. The scene brought a smile to your face as you watched one of his Hyung’s wipe the mess around his mouth though it should have grossed you out, it was really endearing.
“Y/N!” Elsie yells from across the diner, ripping your attention from the group of men. 
“Hey kitty!” 
Elsie was a cat hybrid as if it wasn’t already obvious by her beautiful furry ears and long orange tail always giving her away, well that and her long red-painted claws. People always said cats and dogs don’t mix, but you beg to differ. Elsie is the most caring and outgoing kitty you know. 
She throws an arm around your shoulders. “Missed you, pup.” 
“I was only gone for a week.” Fall break was typically the time where your parents would beg  you to come back home even if it was just for a week and of course because you felt it was the least you could do, you booked the first flight out and stayed for the whole break. Even if it was only a week, it felt long regardless because home doesn’t feel like home anymore. However, it was nice spending time with your family, regarding the fact that you nearly booked a flight back two days after you landed. 
“A week too long.” Lira pouts. She’s also a cat hybrid. Sadly, she was missing her tail after an accident she had when she was still a kitten. She didn’t need the tail anyways, her fluffy gray kitty ears stood beautifully on top of her head. 
Lira wraps her arms around what is free, basically all space where Elsie hasn’t occupied, while Elsie’s tail brushes gently behind your back. 
“We missed you.” Elsie sighs against your neck, her sweet cinnamon scent rubbing into your skin. 
“I missed you guys even more.” You feel Lira smile beside you and you know she tries to hold back from dropping her fresh scent into the air, but soon enough peppermint reaches your nose and you are in full delight. It isn’t long before you release your own sweet, calming pheromones. “Seriously, it was so hard to concentrate back home. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but it was hell. My sister wouldn’t stop nagging about her brat of a boyfriend all week long. Can’t believe she found a boyfriend before me and she’s only fifteen! What have I done to deserve this?” 
The two hybrids laugh, releasing the tight hold they had little by little. 
“Oh Y/N, if you would just let yourself love and be loved you too would have found a boyfriend so long ago!” Lira simply explains without much other given context. 
“You know she’s right.” Elsie’s tail is now wrapped securely around your hip, the touch is soft but it’s comforting and makes you feel extra snug. “I mean just how long have you been pining for Mr. Can’t-Actually-Say-His-Name-Because-You’ll-Kill-Me.” 
Your eyes follow her gaze right across where Jungkook and his friends are sitting and you feel yourself melt into the seat. 
“Shut up.” You mumble. “I don’t pin after him.”
“Oh, you totally do.” Lira buts in. “‘Oh Jungkook, if you ever need help with that just let me know.’ You seriously believe that we didn’t notice the way you batted your eyes at him while you basically threw yourself at him.” 
“I did NOT bat my eyes at him. And I definitely didn’t THROW myself at him.” You yell-whisper in case any hybrids around are listening in. 
Elsie clicks her tongue. “No, you definitely did.” 
“See, told ya.” Lira digresses, sitting more comfortably against the booth. “Anyways, did you hear about…”
“Jungkook-ah, slow down. That burger isn’t going to run away.” Seokjin affectionately scolds, wiping the area around his mouth with a napkin. “Messy bunny.”
“So hungry.” Jungkook says with a mouth full. 
“Yeah, be grateful Hyung loves you.” The hamster hybrid says with no meaningful threat. 
“Love you!” Jungkook smiles shamelessly at his hyung. 
“Don’t look, but Y/N walked through the door.” Taehyung informs the table as he watches you walk towards your friends. They all burst into laughter watching Jungkook choke on his burger the second he hears your name being yelled. 
“S-She’s here?” He is quick to hide his face behind Seokjin’s broad shoulders but he shoves him back in his seat, happy with his doing when Jungkook’s face turns red.
“Jungkook-ah, my guy, when are you gonna admit you like this pup?” From across him speaks Jimin, his cat ears seem to stand tall, interested in his answer. 
“Hyung, I don’t like her.” Jungkook whines, having no choice but to hide his face behind his hands. “I just think she’s very cool and nice, that’s all.” 
Taehyung raises a brow. “Jungkook you nearly fall to your knees whenever you see her walk in class. Her presence alone leaves you a stuttering mess.” 
“N-No.” The bunny hybrid stutters. “Okay, fine. I like her.” 
Hoseok laughs with his body, grabbing onto Jimin’s shoulder. “Why don’t you just ask the pup out?” 
Jungkook’s face feels hot and he shrugs. “I don’t know… she doesn’t even know my hybrid mix yet.”
“Uh, I think the huge bunny ears give that away.” Yoongi says and points towards his head. 
“Yeah, but I hide them.” Jungkook shamefully admits. He was lucky to be wearing his hood when you came in. Usually the bunny carries his beanie with him everywhere, but today he was out with his friends so he didn’t think it was necessary. 
He’s hoping you didn’t notice. He doesn’t think you would mind that much, but he’s still insecure in the way that he wishes he was something cooler like his Hyung Namjoon. A whole alpha wolf hybrid mix. Why did he have to be born a fucking bunny? He’s embarrassed to admit it. What if you turn him away? Laugh in his face? You surely wouldn't, right? You are the nicest pup he knows. 
“Jungkook-ah…” Hoseok shakes his head, clearly in disapproval.
“I know Hyung. I know. I said I wouldn’t hide anymore, but I can’t help it. She makes me so nervous.” Jungkook lays back, Taehyung's palm goes to rub circles behind his back. “To be fair, I didn’t hide it at first, I was so used to wearing my hoodie in class so people wouldn’t talk to me…” 
—-
Two Months Ago 
“Hey.” 
Jungkook looks up to find a classmate he seems to have never noticed or seen before. He thinks you must be new. 
“I- sorry to bother you. You were the closest person to the door and I was just wondering if you could direct me to room 301. I think I’m in the wrong place.” The stranger (you) pulls her own hood down, revealing the cutest dog ears. He wondered if you were an alpha like his hyung. You nervously play with your strings as you wait for his reply. 
“No it’s okay. Don’t apologize. You’re in the right room. Actually, the room numbers are found on a silver plate by the door, but the plate fell off for this room and nobody seems to have the time to fix it.” The hybrid’s nose twitches cutely as he speaks, his doe-eyes glow in the light filtering the room. 
“Oh, okay. Do you mind if I sit next to you? The room is pretty packed.” You ask quietly, hoping the cute hybrid will agree. Meanwhile, you wonder about his breed. 
“S-Sure. The seat beside me isn’t taken.” He gestures for you to sit. 
“Thanks.” You smile. “You must be a wolf hybrid right? Your eyes give it all away, you’re a cute pup!” 
Jungkook’s heart drops. One because you think he’s cute and he also thinks you’re cute, but two because you think he’s a wolf hybrid. If only you knew what was under his hood. Now, he’s humiliated so he does what anyone foolish enough would do. 
“Y-Yeah.” He agrees and doesn’t say much after that.
“Sorry. Was I too forward?” Maybe he isn’t interested in being friends, you felt so stupid. 
“No!” He answers all too quickly and brings attention to himself. “I mean- no. Thank you. You must be a wolf hybrid yourself.” 
You smile because he noticed your ears of course. “Yes! An omega.” 
So you weren’t an alpha but an omega, Jungkook thinks you became cooler by the second. Even though the classroom is filled with all different kinds of scents. Jungkook thinks he smells a new one. His nose has always been extremely sensitive, but he thinks he smells cotton candy which is new. 
“Oh. I’m an alpha.” He lies, feeling extremely guilty. His hyung won’t mind if he steals his identity for a minute (Namjoon definitely will). 
“Of course you are. Only someone with a jawline and arms like that could be an alpha.” You smile and turn your attention back towards the front of the room where the professor seems to have just arrived. 
“Yeah.” Jungkook lamely replies and fakes a smile. God what did he get himself into? 
“She thought I was a wolf hybrid Hyung.” Jungkook tells his embarrassing story and his hyungs look back at him apologetically. 
“That’s still no reason to lie to her Jungkookie.” Hoseok reasons as usual. “I really think you should come clean. She’s a sweet pup. You wouldn’t like it if the situation was reversed.”
Jungkook pouts, nevertheless agreeing. Of course he’ll come clean. You deserve nothing but the truth. He’s just terrified that if he comes clean, about his feelings and the fact that he isn’t a wolf hybrid that you’ll turn him away and never speak to him again. He should have faith in you, but his insecurities get to him anyways. 
“I know I will, let's get out of here before—” Jungkook is interrupted by another person and he freezes in his seat. 
“Jungkook?” To Jungkook’s greatest fear, he finds you right by the table, some friends he always finds you with sit across where you had come from and look over with a proud look on their face. 
“I- yeah! Hi.” Jungkook’s awkward and his hyungs can’t help but to laugh at his mess. 
“Sorry to interrupt.” You apologize, ears flattening in your hair, looking adorable. 
“Don’t worry at all. We were just about done here anyways.” The kitty hybrid at the table reassures, you think his name is Jimin and it is confirmed when someone else speaks up. A bear hybrid this time with a deep voice. “Let’s head back to Jimin’s? I’m tired. Jungkook-ah, we’ll catch up with you later. See ya.”
They all stand and Jungkook feels he can throw up when he sees he’s left all alone with you by his side. 
“Do you wanna-”
“Do-”
Both of you start at the same time and it makes you both laugh. You don’t want to get ahead of yourself but you think it’s possible that he may feel the same way and that makes your heart warm. 
“You go first.” The hybrid says between a smile. 
You take a breath before you ask. “Wanna get out of here?” 
Jungkook nods eagerly, looking like a sweet pup before he’s up on his feet. “Sure, I know just the place.” 
The bunny hybrid doesn’t take you far. After like a fifteen minute walk, a lake comes into your vision and you both find a bench to rest your feet for a moment. 
“How-”
“Did-”
Laughter is shared again and suddenly Jungkook is less nervous. He has nothing to worry about around you. 
“Sorry, I was asking how was your fall break?” Jungkook asks while playing with the strings of his hood. 
“Good good! I went to visit my family back home.” Jungkook smiles hearing this. 
“How was that?” 
“Honestly,” you wrap your arms around yourself feeling a bit cold, “it went really well! We hiked around a lot while I was there. We all really love hiking and it’s the way we bond as wolves. Though this time we had a new member join our pack. My sister got a boyfriend. She’s only fifteen but she had fun as well. I think he’s a brat but she loves him so I can deal with him for now.”
The hybrid nods attentively, eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “I see. I have an older brother and he’s been with some fox hybrid since I can remember. He’s married though and I love her. She’s really great.” 
“How old is he?” 
“My brother is ten years older than me.” Jungkook replies in a low tone. “I’ve always been the baby.” 
Even in his entire friend group, Jungkook’s the youngest. Not that he minds, he just wants to be as cool as his hyungs. Being a bunny hybrid isn’t an easy life when everyone finds him cute. He can be cute, but he wants to be strong, cool (maybe sexy as well). 
“I can tell.” You whisper and his giggle calms the butterflies in your stomach. 
“Look there’s something I wanna show you.” Jungkook lets himself breathe for a moment before his hands come to the top of his hood. “I know this is so unexpected and sudden, but I don’t wanna keep lying to you.” 
He breathes one last time through his nose, closes his eyes for a second and drops his hood, letting his fluffy ears hit the fresh air. When he opens his eyes he finds you just as shocked as he imagined you would be. 
“Jungkook.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry for hiding something like this. I really didn’t mean to. I-”
Jungkook feels arms wrap around him and he freezes before he realizes all his fears and worries have been for nothing. He hugs you back, squishing you into him. 
“I’m sorry for assuming your hybrid mix bun.” He feels the whisper right below his ear. The bunny holds back a purr when he feels you gently scratch behind his ear.
Bun. Jungkook knows this is terrible timing, but fuck he thinks he could come in his pants right now. His friends and family call him that all the time but it’s never meant anything. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything from your lips either but he’s infatuated with you and has been for a couple months now. The bunny hybrid knows now more than ever that he wouldn’t want it any other way. He wants to be with you forever. 
“I’m sorry.” You pull back to look into his eyes and he shushes you with his lips. They are so soft against your own and you feel yourself hold back your own purr. 
The bunny pulls back so suddenly. “I- I’m sorry!” 
You don’t say anything but smile and reel him in by his strings and your lips crash against his much faster. The kiss is still soft but he doesn’t hold back this time. His lips mold with yours like if it was always meant to be this way. You drop one last kiss before pulling away. He tastes like cherry chapstick and you feel like kissing it off all over again but you hold off. 
“This wasn’t supposed to go in this order.” Jungkook laughs quietly, his hands hold your waist but they are soft to the touch. 
“It’s okay. I liked it.” You say, he watches your own eyes sparkle. 
“I should explain myself now.” The hybrid murmurs and you push off him just a bit, but you remain close and allow him space to speak. “Back when we first met, I had my hood on. Usually, I do that because I don’t like people talking to me.” 
You look at him apologetically but he shakes his head and continues, “you were the exception of course. I thought you were the prettiest hybrid ever and I didn’t want to pass you up so I helped you. I didn't expect anything, but then you called me a wolf hybrid and at the time, I was too embarrassed to admit I was a bunny hybrid.” 
“Oh Jungkook, I’m so sorry.” 
“No no! It’s okay. It was my own insecurities holding me back. I’m not scared anymore. I thought if I had told you I was actually a bunny hybrid that you wouldn’t have taken me seriously. Most people just think I’m some cute little bunny and I’m much more than my breed.” He admits and you feel sorry he would ever think something like that. You never imagined it was possible for other hybrids to think that of themselves, but you feel for him regardless. 
“I believe you. I still think you’re cute but I would never turn you away, Jungkook. You have so many things going for yourself, I wish you could see how cool and attractive you look through my own eyes.” 
Jungkook smiles. “You really think so?”
“Of course. You’re perfect Jungkookie.” And this time you both smile. “Do you still think that?”
“Think what?” The bunny looks confused for a second. 
“That I’m the prettiest hybrid.” You say, your heart on your sleeve but it doesn't matter anymore. 
“Yes.” He answers with no hesitation. “I like you. A lot. I have for some time.” 
“I like you too, Jungkookie.” There’s some comfortable silence for some time as you both stare at each other longingly.
“Be my girlfriend pup?” 
“Yes bun, a million times yes.” 
—-
Once again, Jungkook was the absolute best boyfriend ever. Genuinely the kindest soul and sweetest hybrid. But he was a fucking animal. No pun intended. It was your first time dating a bunny hybrid and you underestimated a lot of things. 
First, the bunny was incredibly needy. You had heard of this. Taehyung had warned you and you didn’t even believe it at first because you were quite clingy yourself, but then you realized it was much worse than you had imagined. Jungkook would pout and whine every time you would try to get up from your morning cuddles. He would tell you things like you could skip work or class for today and you would always disagree. 
“No. Not this time bun.” Jungkook whined, he would try his best puppy eyes on you which almost always worked but not this time. So much for not liking being cute. “No. I’ll see you after class okay? We’ll cuddle all you want after.” 
Jungkook huffs but lets you go anyways. He’ll be waiting for that. 
Second, you underestimated how much a growing bunny could eat. He was already in his last stages of maturing, but damn he could eat. You don’t even eat this much after your heats hit and your appetite is huge during those times. 
“Slow down, bun.” Jungkook would blush and smile with his mouth full. 
“Starving.” He would say even though you had fed him just an hour ago but it was cute. It was just so hard to say no to someone as cute as Jungkook. May he forgive you later for thinking he was the cutest bunny you had ever met but it was true. Jungkook was perfect and he was everything you ever wanted in a partner. 
Thirdly, you underestimated his sex drive. At first, you thought you were a match made in heaven. You would spend your heats with a bunny who tended to have a high libido. It would all work out! He could keep up with you and you would take what you needed during your frenzy heated state. It was perfect. 
Okay no, you definitely underestimated a bunny’s sex drive because Jungkook was a fucking beast. Your heats would hit every three months and Jungkook was more than happy to help. He was genuinely perfect. He would make sure you always had water and cold towels around to cool you down. The bunny would often check on you between rounds, during rounds, and especially after you had come down from the frenzy wave of your heats. 
It was one of those moments where you realized he was much more in need of this than you were. Bunny’s are in need of a lot of sex possibly more than any other hybrid. Jungkook would fuck you to oblivion for ten minutes straight and after twenty minutes as you cooled off, he was ready for more. Sex with Jungkook was beyond exhausting, but you wouldn’t change a damn thing. 
“W-Wait Jungkook, oh my god.” The bunny rammed his hips in and out of you at quick speed. His hands forcing your hips up, keeping you right where he wanted. “I’m gonna come again.”
Your voice falls out into whines and whimpers and still, Jungkook doesn’t hold back. He feels the second you start to fall apart writhing against the sheets every time you feel him hit your sweet spot. “Already pup?”
“Nghh.” Nothing stops the high pitched moan that rips through the room while Jungkook fucks into you with precision. “D-Don’t. Please don’t stop. ” 
Jungkook loves it when you get like this. All fucked out. Barely holding yourself together. He sees the way you cling to the sheets below, your slick is everywhere but that’s exactly how the bunny likes it. He’s convinced the neighbors could smell it by the way you keep pushing that sweet slick out. 
The scent of cotton candy hits his nose by a tenfold and he loves it. You’re coming right on his cock and that’s how it always should be, but suddenly he’s greedy. 
The bunny is quick to slip out of you and you want to shove him right back in, but he replaces his cock with his tongue and nothing else matters again. It’s like he’s addicted. Jungkook used to think he hated being a hybrid. Having the ability to smell all sorts of scents used to drive him insane and somehow, nothing is better than smelling your sweet, sweet scent. It drives him fucking insane.
“Fuck!” You scream. The bunny is buried nose deep into your pussy, forcing all your addicting slick to fall into his tongue. He inhales the fucking juices like it’s a meal. “I- I think I’ll come again.” 
Jungkook can’t help but to smile even while he’s in the middle of eating you out. He flicks his tongue around your clit, nibbling on it like the good bunny he is. The sensation starts to build all too quickly and another orgasm rips through your body. The world goes black for a second. 
You passed out and the next time you wake up, you feel the hybrid rubbing his length behind you. 
You both never even bothered getting dressed when your heat would hit. There was no use of clothes anyways. It wouldn’t matter if he would find a way to drop you on his knot every fucking minute he could. 
He presses his hard-on between your cheeks and you feel slick start to ready you up for him. 
“Again?” You croak, voice still filled with fatigue. 
Jungkook kisses your back softly as he caresses your hips (it’s the way he asks for forgiveness). He was a sweet bunny. “Sorry babe. You smell so fucking good. Just like me.” 
“Yeah because you’ve been coming all over me. There’s a bugde in my stomach. You’ve ruined me bun.” The bunny smiles against your skin and apologizes again in between kisses along your bare shoulder. 
His cock makes his way between your cheeks and you feel the tip against your slicken folds (you don’t know if it’s slick or his come). “Just the tip baby.” 
He whispers and you roll your eyes because it’s never just the tip but who are you to deny your sweet boyfriend of absolutely anything. “Go ahead bunny.” 
Jungkook sighs as the head of his dick eases into your pussy. He actually keeps his word and doesn’t go any further. The bunny takes his time, slowly rolling his hips into you. You hear him groan against your ear. “So good for me pup. All mine.” 
The bunny growls as his hand touches the bulge that formed in your stomach. He would keep his come inside you every single day if he could. Fuck everything else. 
The bulge reminds him of what it could be. He can’t wait to see you filled with his own pups. The bunny moans imagining your swollen belly, you would probably taste sweeter than ever. He might just breed you right now. Fuck birth control. 
“Kook.” He hears you moan lightly. “‘S not enough.” 
He smirks knowing his girl. “I know pup. Need my help?” 
You only nod, moaning again when you feel him pick up the pace. He’s still behind you and his hand leaves your stomach to pull your cheeks apart. He thrust himself fully inside you grunting into your ear. “So tight still even after last night.”
You squeeze your walls around him as he picks up his pace again, he tries his best in the position you are both in but he gets frustrated within the second and lifts one of your legs up, fucking his dick into your pussy easier. The bunny moans praises as he continues to ram himself into you. “So pretty. So beautiful. All mine.” 
“Yours. All yours.” You agree, feeling so fucked already. 
Jungkook pulls out for a second before he pushes you back against the bed and tugs your legs open for him. The bunny sits between your legs while he contemplates whether he wants to eat you out or stuff his knot into you.
You notice this and intervene. “No. Fuck me. Please.” 
He supposes he can let you decide for now. Jungkook lines his cock with your pussy and eases himself back inside you. This way he feels much better and he doesn’t struggle hitting your g-spot within the minute. 
“Knot. Need your knot bun.” You start to beg as slick falls out of you, your body clearly preparing you for a knot. 
“Yeah?” Jungkook breathes harshly, his ears twitch watching you fall into a desperate state. “Beg for it, omega.” 
Omega. Jungkook never calls you that unless he knows you are far too deep into it to care. Hybrids do not call each other by their status unless they are a part of that mix themselves, but Jungkook has always pushed his luck. He knows it drives you insane. 
“Please bun. I- wan- knot. Please knot me.” Your words start to go incoherent and he loves every second of it. The hybrid pulls out grabs some slick that has fallen into the sheets and covers his length with it fucking it back into you. His pace is significantly faster now, he plants hands into the sheets below as you wrap your arms and legs around him. He fucks into relentlessly, not worried about the noise being made. The headboard keeps smacking into the wall but he could care less. His neighbors hate him for sure but what does it matter when he has you under him. So desperate and perfect. 
Your moans are almost yells now and he only goes faster. And faster. And then much faster. This is when you really realize who you are with. A whole bunny hybrid. He’s so fast. Much faster than any of your loser ex’s. They don’t even compare for one second to what Jungkook is capable of. He always keeps you full and sated. It is as if he made for you and you for him.  
He feels his knot start to inflate and his nostrils flare, smelling your scent sweeten. Sweat coats his body but he doesn’t let up. “Bun will knot you now, my sweet pup. My omega.” 
Your legs start to shake around him as heat rushes down and you come as soon as you feel his knot ram into your g-spot. You are a complete goner, coming and squirting all over his knot. The bulge inside your stomach is beautiful and it grows bigger as he comes deeply into you, holding his knot and previous orgasms. 
Even though you definitely feel faint, you are proud of yourself for keeping your eyes open as his knot locks you both in place. Jungkook is careful when laying back behind you, feeling the knot tug at you both lightly. 
“You okay?” He asks in a whisper, pushing the hair out of your sweaty face. He kisses your pink cheeks. God he’s so lucky. “I love you. So much.”
“Yes. ‘M perfect bunny. I love you more.” You whisper, and lull back to sleep in the arms of your lover. 
Seriously, you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if dick could kill you, so be it.
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Birthday
AN: Yeah, um, idk y’all. I meant for this to be like just a little sad and somehow this happened a;dlksdl;kd. I kinda like it though? idk. Totally fair if it’s not for you, no worries. Thanks for reading if you choose to ❤️ Credit for the idea comes from this post (many thanks). I did have another idea that was more domestic so maybe I'll do that one later as a pallet cleanser lmao
(Un-beta’d)
It's Poe's birthday and all he wants is to spend it with you.
Rated: T Words: 1,016 Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader Warnings: Angst, feelings of loneliness/sadness/loss, kind of a bittersweet (but hopeful?) ending. AO3
——————
The morning sunlight streams into the room, warming the air to the point where Poe is kicking his sheets to the end of the bed. The climate on D’Qar was usually pretty balmy, but somehow it always seemed to get worse around this time of year. Poe stretches, his arm brushing the empty space where your body had lain mere hours before. He sighs, disappointment settling in his belly. He loves waking up with you, thinks it’s the perfect way to start his day—the two of you tangled together, exchanging raspy “good mornings,” smiles, and languid kisses.  
Maybe tomorrow, he thinks, rolling out of his bed with a grunt. He runs his hand over BB-8’s domed head on his way to the fresher, yawning a ‘good morning’ to the droid (who chirps merrily) as he readies himself for another long day. The light flickers on when he opens the door, the brightness of it making him squint as he heads over to the sink. He brushes his teeth, splashes some water on his face, and is looking around for his comb when he sees the piece of paper stuck to the mirror. His lips quirk when he recognizes the familiar scrawl of your handwriting, his eyes fondly tracing the slopes and angles of your words. 
Happy Birthday, Poe ❤️, it says, followed by another line where you tell him you’ve left a surprise for him (his favorite breakfast) on his desk.  
Sure, he would’ve preferred waking up with you, especially today, but this is good too, he supposes. 
Your note (which he may or may not be carrying around in his pocket) and gift lighten his heart and boost his spirits, and he spends the morning smiling and graciously accepting birthday wishes from what feels like every member of the Resistance. He tries stopping by your workstation sometime around late morning, but is told you’re off-base on a repair. His mood is dampened a bit, but he tries not to let it get to him, knowing the two of you will run into each other eventually, as you always do. 
As the day goes on though, Poe only gets more frustrated, seeming to just miss you every time he has a free moment to look. When he returns from flying drills with his squad, he gets word that you’d stopped by the hangar looking for him, but he gets pulled into something else before he gets the chance to chase you down. BB does his best to raise his spirits but even the little droid can tell that your absence is taking a toll. 
The day flies by, the moons rising over the base before Poe even notices the time. He’s exhausted, so much so he turns down an offer for drinks at the cantina with Finn and Rey. All he wants is to fall into his bed and sleep (if only in hopes that he’ll get to wake up with you in his arms). He trudges back to his quarters, wearily running a hand through his hair. 
Poe keys in the code to open his door, shuffling inside the dark room with BB-8 in tow after it slides open. As it closes behind him, he pauses, a familiar scent reaching his nose. He turns, his eyes landing on a small, floating light. 
No wait, not just a light…a candle. 
BB-8 chirps happily beside him, rolling toward the light and the dimly lit familiar figure he now sees holding the candle.  
It’s you. Standing there in the middle of his room, holding what looks like a keshian spice roll topped with a single lit candle. Poe smiles, his heart lifting in his chest as his eyes meet yours. You smile back, holding his gaze as you begin to sing to him, your voice soft and sweet. The sound of it fills him with a warmth he hadn’t realized he’d been missing until now. He walks over, reaching you as you finish the final words of the song, his brown eyes alight with joy. 
“Thanks for being born, Flyboy,” you say, smiling fondly as he leans in to blow out the candle. 
Poe chuckles as cheers from you (and beeps from BB) fill the room. For some reason, the moment suddenly feels nostalgic, reminding him of his childhood on Yavin IV, of the celebrations he’d shared with his parents. The memories are bittersweet, from a simpler, more peaceful time in his life. He wonders if he’ll ever get to have that again, that peace. It feels impossible, the war with the First Order seemingly never ending. An ache settles in his chest at the thought. 
The familiar sensation of your hand slipping into his brings him back to the present, the gentle glow of his bedside lamp now illuminating the space. He can tell you want to ask, ask where he just went, ask if he’s okay given you’d both just been laughing a moment ago but…you don’t. Instead, you smile at him softly, squeezing his hand as you patiently wait for him to work through his feelings. He realizes then just how lucky he is. Sure, he’s smack dab in the middle of a war and, yes, he could die at any given moment but, he also has so much. He has a purpose, a place he belongs, people he loves; it’s in that (in them) that he finds his peace. 
Poe gazes at you, his brown eyes gentle and warm as they trace the lines of your face. Then he leans in, pressing his lips to yours in a tender kiss. You sigh, the fingers of your free hand bunching in the fabric of his shirt as you melt into him. After a moment, he pulls back, his forehead resting against yours. 
“Happy Birthday, Poe,” you breathe, smiling at him as you reach up to comb your fingers through his curls, your hand coming to rest at the base of his neck.  
“Thank you,” he whispers, the look in his eyes telling you he means for more than just the birthday wishes.
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whereisten · 8 months
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Promises
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Part 1 | Part 2 | more coming soon
“I make no promises, I can't do golden rings, but I'll give you everything tonight”
Pairing: Mafia Leader!Jaehyun x female reader (cafe owner)
Genre: Friends to lovers au, fluff, smut and angst
Warnings: gun and violence mention, blood mention, stalking, unprotected sex, slight choking kink, slight impregnation kink, oral sex (female receiving), rough sex, overstimulation
Word Count: 6.5k
((A/N: this is a short fic series inspired by the song “Promises” by Calvin Harris & Sam Smith. It's been some time! Y/N is now a bakery shop owner! I hope you enjoy this short series, I believe there will be four parts. If you're a jujutsu kaisen fan, the Geto version will be added to our ao3 :)))
----------------
[2 Months Later]
It’s 10:30 PM, the chairs are up and you’ve just about finished mopping the floor. Jaehyun sighs and leans back into the driver’s seat of his car. He’d been watching you every night since he left. He couldn’t stand to not be near you, or to not make sure you were out of harm's way once you left work and walked home at late hours.
If he hadn’t messed up that night, if he hadn’t been vulnerable with you and given into his heart's desires life a selfish, touch-starved man, he would still have a friend. He could keep you company when you closed the bakery, and talk to you about everything. Just like the days before that night.
You lock the front door with your keys, and start your journey home. 
You sigh, dragging your hand bag over your shoulders and buttoning your coat. “Well, at least there’s no rain tonight.” Your eyes and legs are tired, and all you want to do is climb into bed and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate, maybe you’ll watch a movie. You put your headphones in and fix your hands into the coat pockets
You’re about halfway into your 25 minute walk when Jaehyun notices two men following you. As usual, he drives slowly, and without his headlights on the dark road so you don’t suspect being followed. The two men walked out of an alleyway as if they were waiting for you to pass them. Jaehyun’s brows furrow. He knew you couldn’t hear their steps because you were listening to music, but how couldn’t you feel their presence?
“Shit.” He grumbles, knowing that he will have to make himself known if he is about to stop these men.
2 minutes later and they still huddle together while walking behind you, however, you bop your head to a new song just released by your favorite k-pop group.
“Oooo I’ll have to add this one.” You say to yourself, adding the song to your Bakery’s playlist on Spotify. By the time you look back up, you see a car swerve right in front of you.
“Holy-“
“Get in!” Jaehyun unlocks the door of his coupe, which is now perpendicular to the sidewalk, blocking you in with no choice but to get in.
Your look of shock turns into one of disdain. You take your headphones out. “You’ve got some nerve.”
You walk in front of the car and flash both middle fingers before continuing home.
Jaehyun curses under his breath, swerving the car back into the street to drive beside you.
“Listen, let’s talk about it, okay? You just need to get in right now, I’ll take you home.”
“I don’t even know who you are.” You roll your eyes.
“Y/n! Stop fucking around! Get in!”
“Hey hey hey…no need to get aggressive, man…she said she’s not interested.” A strange voice says from behind you.
Before you can turn around to see his face, he drapes a heavy arm over your shoulders to stop you from walking any longer.
“Leave her alone…she told you to get lost.” Another man speaks, your eyes widen.
“You alright, sweetheart?” They turn to you, your heart begins to race as you get an immense feeling of dread.
Jaehyun quickly puts the car in park and jumps out. He walks towards them as they pull you back. “Get off of her.”
You reach out for him with pleading eyes. “J-“ you start, but you feel something circular pressing into the small of your back.
“Oh no, we’re saving her from you, she’ll be perfectly fine once you’re gone.” The man chuckles.
“Tell him to get lost or we’ll put a hole in you.” The other whispers into your ear.
You gasp and look back up at Jaehyun.
“Fuck off dude, you’re a creep. Isn’t he, sweetheart?” He presses it in more.
“I-I’m fine, just go away!” You look at Jaehyun in hopes that he will listen, one wrong move and it could be either of you with a new bloody hole to model.
Jaehyun lowers his hand and nods. “Okay.” He walks away and jumps back into the car. You feel a sense of relief, but it's short-lived as you are now subject to whatever these men want to do with you. You feel disappointment and despair. Did Jaehyun really give up on you that easily? Could he really abandon you in this moment when you needed him the most?
The men drag you back into a dark alleyway.
“Please! Leave me alone! Don’t kill me!” You beg for your life in hopes that they will just leave you alone, that they’ll have a sudden change of mind. But deep down you know they’ve been planning, they’ve finally caught a victim and don’t plan on stopping now.
They only laugh and tie your hands together behind you while you sob and plead.
“Quiet down, sweetie, you’ll live but only if you shut the hell up.”
One of the men says before throwing you into the brick wall. You grunt as you feel your back collide with the rough surface.
The man is about to say something else when you hear a sharp, high-pitched noise echo into the night. You shut your eyes, flinching when you feel blood splatter across your face.
When you open them you see the body of one of the men laid out right in front of you, a small hole in his forehead gushing out blood as his blank eyes stare at you. You scream, and the other man grabs your coat, yanking you in front of him before pressing a gun to your temple.
“Who the fuck is there?! I’ll shoot her right now!” He looks around anxiously.
The alleyway is completely dark, you can’t see anyone, but the man backs away thinking that the shot came from the right side.
He stumbles over his friend's body, releasing his tight grip on you in the process. You take it as your chance to run away. He tries to run after you, “Hey you bitch!, get back-“
Before he can finish, another shot goes off. The man lets out a blood curdling scream and drops to the ground. You quickly turn around, panting as you see his shadow finally come to light.
Jaehyun.
Your dark-haired savior walks slowly towards the crying man with a sniper gun in his hand. He lugs it around like it's nothing, but based on the length, noise, and precise shots, you know it’s heavy. You swallow hard as you watch his menacingly large figure create an engulfing shadow over the man.
As he walks under a street light that the man has dragged himself to, you see a completely unfamiliar look on Jaehyun’s face. He’s angry, no.. he’s outraged, and the dark glare in his eyes makes your heart race. Is it because he’s hot, or is it because he’s terrifying? You’re not sure.
Nonetheless, he doesn’t give the man a chance to beg. He cocks his gun and shoots his other kneecap. The man places both hands over it and cries out while laying on his back.
“No!! Please don’t! I’m sorry, we weren’t gonna hurt her!” The man cries out when he sees the grim face of Jaehyun looking down on him as he crawls away.
Jaehyun cocks his sniper gun again.
You finally snap out of your daze and run towards him. “No stop! Don't do this!” You yell out.
Jaehyun doesn’t respond to neither you nor him, he only aims for the crying man’s crotch area. He shoots him again and cocks his gun. The man struggles to back away from him as he aims it at his head. 
Jaehyun is so furious, not a word escapes him, he only feels rage and sees red. 
But just as he’s about to pull the trigger again, you jump onto the ground in between the gun and the man.
“Jaehyun! Stop! Please, he’s learned his lesson.” You pant, your arms till aching as they are tied behind your back.
“Move.” Jaehyun’s tone is dark, you don’t even recognize him.
You swallow hard, hoping you can get through to him. “Jaehyun..it’s not worth it, the police are gonna be here any second now, just leave.”
“I said move. I’m gonna blow his head off.”
“No! I won’t allow you to! This ends now.”
Jaehyun’s voice raises. “They put their hands on you! They were going to hurt you! They deserve nothing but pain!” 
“Yes! I agree, but you’ve done enough! Get out of here!”
Suddenly, police sirens start to get louder, it's as if someone called them after hearing the shots.
“Jaehyun..help me, please.” You look up with wide eyes, and finally, Jaehyun snaps out of it.
He finally puts his gun by his side and leans down to help you up. 
He looks back at the man and kicks his head hard, leaving him crotchless and bleeding out on the dirty ground alone.
The two of you run back to Jaehyun’s car.
 He helps you into the passenger seat before jumping in and speeding away.
“Jaehyun, what the hell! You–you just killed someone.” You cry as he drives maniacally to your place.
“Are you okay?” He ignores your panic.
“Okay? Okay?! No I’m not fucking okay, Jaehyun, I just witnessed a murder! There’s- there’s blood all over me!” 
Once at a stop light, he takes his pocket knife out and cuts your zip ties. 
“Are you hurt?” He asks as he examines your soft face and body.
You sigh and look into his worried eyes. Damn it, why did he have to look at you like you’re his world? “I’m..listen I’m fine, but what you did was not okay, you just killed-“
“It’s what I do y/n.” He says lowly, calmly, but with a scary tone. The light turns green and he continues driving. The street lights illuminate his sharp features and you feel your heart drop. The man you had a deep longing for lived to kill, and killed to live, that’s the reality of it. He had no regrets whatsoever after taking a human life.
This was normal for him.
His fist tightens around the steering wheel. Your eyes catch a glimpse of the thick veins in his arms. “If something happened to you..I couldn’t live with myself..I’m sorry you had to see that, but it was necessary.”
He looks at you then quickly looks away, hiding how his eyes started to fill with water. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. You’re just trying to get home after a long day of work. What if he wasn’t there to save you? What if he lost you? And he realizes once again why you two could never date. You’re nowhere near ready to see him for who he truly is.
You take a deep breath and relax into your seat, resting your elbow on the door. Your fingers shakily press against your temple as you look out of the window . “Jaehyun..you can’t protect me from the world..you can’t just hover around and follow me everywhere.”
“Why the hell not?” His nose scrunches.
You flick your head towards him. “Because you’re not my boyfriend! You yourself said you regretted ever meeting me, you never wanted to see me again, and yet, here you are swooping in like fucking Batman!”
Jaehyun clenches his jaw and abruptly parks his car outside of your apartment building. 
“I mean nothing to you..you should start acting like I don’t.” You look down at the floor and say sternly.
He sighs. “Y/n..I—didn’t..” he stumbles over his words as you sit there in silence.
You look back up at him, and he wants to hug you, he wants to hold you and get lost in your beautiful eyes. He takes a moment to breathe in your scent, still fresh and pretty after a long day at work. 
“What?” You watch him as he stares.
He sighs and looks out of the window. “You can get out now.”
You purse your lips and nod, tears threatening to escape. “...the next time I see you outside of my job, I’m going to call the police.” All this time, you knew he was watching. 
Jaehyun turns back to you with a puzzled expression. Night after night, you’d seen his black sports car parked a few feet away from the bakery. You knew he was there, and you never approached him about it. 
You look into his eyes before opening the door and stepping out. Jaehyun doesn’t protest as you slam the door and head inside.
Once he sees your apartment light turn on, he drives away, angry at himself once again. What if someone saw him with you? What if they knew he had a weakness and knew where that said weakness lived?
He lays in his bed after taking a hot shower and falls asleep quickly. 
“Jaehyun..”
“Hnnn..” His eyes struggle to open.
“Jaehyun..baby.”
“Yes…hmmm.”
“Need you..” 
Jaehyun hears your soft voice and feels your warmth. He opens his heavy eyes to see that he’s back in his car. This time he’s in the backseat with you beside him. 
“Y/n..” He rubs his thumb over your cheek to check if you’re really there. You lean in and look into his eyes before kissing him deeply while closing your eyes. 
 Jaehyun turns his head and groans into your mouth as his tongue traces over your smooth lips. Cherry. The same cherry balm he tasted when kissed your lips the first time. 
The hunger in his chest grows, he grabs you by the waist and brings onto his lap, your arms still tied behind you as you moan. He handles you like it’s nothing, pushing your skirt up your hips and to your waist before pulling you down harder onto him. 
He releases your lips finally, a string of spit dropping down your chin as you whimper. He pulls his pocket knife out and quickly cuts the fabric of your underwear, a move that has your skin riddled with goosebumps in no time.
He looks at the knife, thinking about how he should also cut your zip ties, but also thinking of how he doesn’t really want to. Something about you being bound, restricted, and doomed to ride him until you swelled with his offspring made everything hotter to him.
He looks up at you while brushing his fingers over your opening. It's silky with your essence, already building just from your kiss. You throw your head back and start to grind onto them as he teases you. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, gazing up at your angelic face. He swears he’s already in heaven.
His fingers finally enter you, a high-pitched moan escaping you once you feel them stretching you out. 
“I-I’m ready!” You move faster, finding it hard to hold back as you’re so wound up already.
He pulls his fingers out and wraps his arm around you to guide you down onto him. “Good girl…almost there.” He whispers while watching you take him in.
The sight is so satisfying, he doesn’t know if he’ll last all night. You gasp once his tip kisses your sweet spot, but you continue to move up and down like you did with his fingers.
You move easily, your essence and his pre cum being all the lubricant you need to fit him inside repeatedly. He groans, rubbing his large hands along your thighs.
“So—good, I can’t” You struggle to move steadily with your arms tied behind you, you’re close, but getting weaker. You close your eyes as tears escape.
He tilts your chin, forcing you to open your eyes and look down at him. “Don’t slow down, baby, you want me to fill you up right? Well, keep going.” He chokes you slightly as you whimper. 
“Yes..please cum with me..” 
He could see your breasts bouncing under your button down dress shirt from work, he could see them pop open one by one as you bounced faster. And your pussy, so warm, so tight around him. He can feel his tip twitch as you clench around him, threatening to coat your walls at any moment now.
“Oh my.. GodI!” Your head falls back. Sweat runs down into the crevice of your breasts. He grabs your waist with both hands, taking over to slam you down onto him at a faster pace. He thrusts into you aggressively, chasing after a high that he knows he’ll remember well after tonight.
If you thought you could drop him after this, you’d be so wrong. He’d never been happier, never been hungrier, never been more anxious to fuck someone into oblivion like this. He could keep going if you let him. He’d have to recover quickly just so he can do it all over again in minutes, it would be difficult, but it’s not impossible.. He had to do it for you.
“Cum for me, baby, I know you want to....yes good girl, so tight for me.” He pants, his voice is gravelly.
“Jaehyun!” You cried out one final time before his eyes flew open. 
No. 
Jaehyun looks up at his ceiling and feels his bed under him. It’s wet with his sweat.
His chest is heaving and his dick is painfully hard, sticking straight into the sheet above him. “Shit. It felt so real.” 
He closes his eyes and rounds his fist around his dick to relieve himself, still imagining you clenching around him so beautifully while in his car.
He groans and wipes his forehead once he’s done. “This is gonna be hard.” He knows he should respect your wishes to not see him again, but deep down he knows he will have to. He knows he’s in too deep, and letting go is impossible at this point.
[One Month Later]
Jaehyun tries to let you go, he doesn’t watch you anymore..well, not every night at least.
He told himself he was getting better, and if “getting better” included installing a tracking device on your cell phone to follow you instead of watching you outside work, then yes, yes he was “getting better.”
A guy in his gang that acted as a hacker sent a virus to your phone through a text message pretending to be a K-pop album sale link. And just as he expected, you got too excited and clicked it without thinking. By the time you realized it was a scam, it was too late. He was in. You shrugged your shoulders and went about your day like nothing happened.
He didn’t track you every day but just knowing that he could when he wanted to was enough for him.
He had just welcomed a shipment with his guys, when he decided to take a break and check on you. His brows furrow when he notices you’ve stopped by a particular place between home and work once again. What could this place be? A new friend? Or.. a new man? No, you wouldn’t do that to him..or would you?
He jumps into his car and tells his guys to finish everything up before speeding away.
When he gets to his apartment, he looks the address up and finds that it’s an apartment building that belongs to a wealthy banker.
He bites his lip as he contemplates what on Earth you could want with a banker.
He relaxes into his computer chair and shrugs it off. He shouldn’t be intruding like this, it isn’t right. He’ll let you handle whatever it is you’re doing. It must be important and necessary. So he doesn’t let it bother him…that is until one day when you have a date with the man.
He watched you go out with the banker that aged you by at least 15 years. You wore a gorgeous red silk dress and did your hair up. Your skin looked immaculate and your smile shone brightly in the dim lighting of the restaurant. He watched from outside, holding himself back from marching in there and crashing the date. If Mr. Bank thought he was gonna get lucky tonight, he was very wrong.
You smile and laugh with him so much, Jaehyun can’t take it any more. He drives away.
A few hours later, you enter your apartment and kick your heels off. You shimmy your coat off before walking into the kitchen to get yourself some water. 
“Where were you?” A deep voice asks from the shadows of your kitchen.
You jump up and walk backwards. “WHO-“
Jaehyun steps out with arms crossed and knitted brows. His hair is styled back to reveal his forehead, and grey shadow rests under both eyes like he hasn’t slept in days.
He still looks handsome though, his black T-shirt clinging onto his toned biceps.
“Jesus Christ!! Jaehyun WHAT THE HELL?” You quickly turn the light switch on then turn to your handbag, fumbling around for your pepper spray.
“It’s 3 fucking A.M. and you’re just now getting home.” He tilts his head, confused as to why you act like he’s intruding.
Your mouth falls open, the audacity of this man.
“Are you crazy? That’s it, I’m calling the police.” You reach for your cell phone in your bag, but as you search for it, Jaehyun walks up to you and grabs your wrist.
He quickly places your hand behind your back and backs you into the wall.
Your eyes widen as he towers over you. 
“Answer the question first.” He grumbles, looking down on you like you’re some kind of criminal that’s been caught stealing.
You shake your head and gasp. “I don’t have to answer to you! I’m a grown woman!”
Jaehyun smirks as his eyes trace downward, floating from your lips to your neck and finally to your pronounced cleavage.
“This is a really nice dress, y/n, did he like it?” His eyes are filled with fire and jealousy. He looks almost disgusted as he thinks about you giving your body to someone else.
Your eyebrows raise. “You’re still following me? You’re insane!” You struggle to pull your hand away, but you pound against his chest with your other hand. He quickly grabs it by the wrist and places it above your head, like it’s nothing. His neck cranes down to get closer to your face.
“Let me go!” you yell. 
He shakes his head. “Not until you answer me.”
“Somebody help me!”
He can’t help but chuckle. “Even if someone comes, do you really think they can help you? Do you want to watch another person die, y/n?”
You swallow hard, and even though he is frightening at this moment, you feel hot and lustful with the amount of power he has over you.
“What’s your problem? First, you say you regret meeting me, and now, you’re following me every day! I can't keep doing this! So what if I moved on? Yeah I fucked another man, now what? You gonna kill me?”
Jaehyun flips you around so he’s pressed against your back and you’re pressed in with both hands held by him.
You grunt as your cheek hits the wall.
Jaehyun leans into your ear and whispers. “Mr. Bank loves that cheap cologne on his dresser. I see him use it every day. But it’s funny because I don’t smell it on you. And that’s how I know you’re lying.”
Chills run up your spine.
“W-we took a shower together, did you forget that I like doing it that way?” You smirk. Jaehyun’s grip tightens as he becomes even more infuriated.
You were lying, but you liked to see him get riled up, maybe just maybe, he’d leave you alone so you could forget about him, so you didn’t have to touch yourself to the thought of him, so you didn’t have to look at the empty chair in your bakery in hopes of seeing him there one night.
“You’re intent on pushing my buttons..even with you pressed up against the wall..even with your hands behind your back. Aren’t you afraid of how bad it’ll get for you?” 
You chuckle. “Are you threatening me because I just had the best sex of my life?”
Jaehyun picks you up off of the wall and lays you down onto the counter face first with a hard push.
“The best huh?” He flips the bottom of your dress up to expose your ass in your thong. He then taps two fingers against your clothed folds, you jump slightly at the unexpected contact. “And yet..your panties are still intact and you’re walking just fine.” 
He continues to rub his fingers against you, pressing them in just barely. You whimper quietly. “Your skin is cold. Your thighs are dry and you’re reacting to my simple touch. You smell like you did the first time like grapefruit and berries..seems to me you’re just as untouched as the Virgin Mary.” 
Jaehyun whispers so deeply, you can’t help but grow wet. Damn it, he really knew you like the back of his hand.
“And if it was the best, why were you able to go back to your place? Why didn’t you just sleep there in hopes for round two?” He still drags his fingers in and out, teasing his digits along your opening by pushing them in slowly.
“Unlike you, he begged me to stay tonight but I told him “no, I have to be at work in the morning.” You let out, you try to have a sturdy voice as you slowly unreel from his long fingers.
“Please, y/n, the more you lie, the longer this will take. You’re not the whore you claim to be..” he whispers against the back of your neck, giving you chills once more, but you shake them off and speak strongly.
“You don’t know me! I did unimaginable things with him tonight!” You wiggle to try to escape him, but the strong 6-foot something man doesn’t budge.
“Oh is that so? Show me.” He leans back and presses your wrists down with one hand while unbuckling his belt with the other. He then ties your hands behind your back with it and steps back. He sits at your dining table and waits for you to walk over.
“I’d need my hands, Jaehyun.” You roll your eyes.
“Come on y/n, see how much you can do without them..” he taps his thigh.
You sigh and walk over to him. Why did he have this control over you? What if he just ends up leaving again?
“I shouldn’t do anything for you, you’re cruel.” 
Jaehyun’s low eyes trace over your body in the red silk dress as you walk over to him. “But are you doing anything for me, per se? No baby, you’re gonna use me to satisfy yourself after a disappointing date.”
His hands can’t help but find your waist. He forces you down onto his thigh but doesn’t do anything other than look into your wide eyes.
You look onto his neck and broad shoulders, you smell his simple and fresh cologne. You wish you could run your hands through his full head of hair and intertwine your fingers on it as you go dizzy.
He lets your waist go. “Or...you can just sit here and tell me you hate me. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, you know that.”
Your mouth falls open as you look at his lips.
“Go on..I’m listening.” He leans back and tilts his head slightly, looking down onto you with those low bedroom eyes. His gaze makes you tremble.
You’re so turned on from his touch, you continue moving against his thigh. He’d gotten you this far, why not finish it?
“I hate you because you won’t leave me alone. You send mixed signals. One day you want me, the next day you say it’s unrealistic to be with me. Make up your damn mind.” The friction of his thigh against your opening makes you light headed, but you push on.
“Before we do this again..I need to know what the hell you want from me, do you want me in your life or not?!”
“Y/n..of course I want you in my life...it’s just not safe for you..”
“Don’t you think I know that? I’ll be fine.”
He shakes his head. “I answered your question, you should answer mine..why are you home so late? What business do you have with that man?” He clenches his thigh and the sudden action makes you moan and shut your eyes tightly, you move faster.
“Jaehyun...it’s none of your business.”
He knew you were trying to get close to the bank manager so you could get another loan for your business, you needed to make improvements in the kitchen, decorations, flooring etc. and the money you made wasn’t cutting it. You figured that if you could find the right man to seduce, maybe you could get what you needed quickly.
Jaehyun knew this because he had seen the Google searches on your phone that went from “how to get a loan.” to “how to best seduce a man.” Hence, the red silk dress you wore, the glam hair, the intoxicating perfume that was quickly seducing even him as well, the high heels you wore to bring out your curves, and of course, the bra that made your cleavage noticeable to even the stars above.
“..let me protect you..and I’ll give you everything you need.” He kisses your neck and whispers into your ear while bringing one of your straps down your arm. He starts to kiss your shoulder.
You move faster on his thigh, swiveling your hips as his grip becomes tighter. “..that’s easier said than done..I want...I need to be completely yours, I don’t need a bodyguard.” You whimper and moan as he sucks your neck. Sweat builds onto your forehead.
“I don’t need your protection, I need your love.” You say breathily before finally releasing on his thigh. You rest your head on his shoulder, trembling while feeling your legs weaken.
He looks into your wet eyes and caresses your cheek while zipping down your dress with his other hand.
He then yanks your dress down to reveal your hard nubs. His hands cup your breasts, massaging them before tracing his thumbs over the peaks. “So beautiful, and only for me.”
He sucks them one by one, caressing them with one hand as the other grips your thigh, hard, so hard you know you’ll be sore for days. You groan in pain from his fingertips pressing in deep, and if your hands weren’t tied behind your back, you would’ve pushed him away.
He doesn’t let up, guiding your body forward and backward so you continue to leak all over his sweatpants. “Jaehyun!” You cry out in sensitivity, you cum again easily but he doesn’t stop. He won’t let you go, he continues to flick his tongue against your breasts. Your back arches, your clit is stimulated once more by his thigh, but it isn’t enough. 
He lifts you up easily and lays you down onto the table. He wants to make use of his time with you while you are bound, so he slowly drags your thong down your legs before throwing it to the side.
“Stay still..” he commands as your legs wiggle in an effort to get away from him. You whimper as he presses his fingers and thumbs into your thighs to spread you further apart.
He licks and sucks your clit as his fingers dive in deep. Your entrance, already sopping but welcoming him nonetheless. Your back arches again. “Jaehyun!” You cry out as you watch him devour you. His dark eyes lock with yours as he groans.
The tip of his tongue traces over your sweet spot as you throw your head back. You cum again, struggling to break out of his belt and grab his hair. He doesn’t stop, licking up everything that escapes as tears escape your eyes.
“Please.. I can’t- slower.” You plead, but he doesn’t care. He wraps his arms around your legs to keep them open and fixed around his head.
“Mmmm you taste so good, baby, and you’re all mine.” He chuckles then flattens his tongue against you.
He wants to make up for all the time he’d lost with you, he wants to consume you forever, to taste what he’s been craving all his life. He eats you out until you’re begging him to stop. Your wrists are tired of fighting against his belt, you try to kick his shoulders away again, but he simply smirks and grips your ankles tightly. 
“Don’t disobey me like that again, sweetheart.” His eyes dark and threatening as he looks up through his lashes.
You can’t stop moaning as your eyes roll to the back of your head and your back arches, threatening to snap completely.
He finally finishes when he’s had enough. He stands up from the chair, flipping your body over and lifting one of your legs over the table. He pushes the waistband of his pants down, releasing his hard member and grabs your waist. He runs his cock against your slit, parting it slightly with the head to gather your slick. 
“Gonna be a good girl for me right? Gonna follow my orders and cum when I tell you to?” He asks lowly.
“Yes! Yes..Jaehyun..I need-“
He pulls you into him, your ass shakes as you moan. The angle created by one leg lifted drives you crazy as he pushes himself deeper and deeper. You can’t stop yourself from clenching.
“Fuck..so good..cum with me, don’t let anything escape..I wanna see you hold it in for me..”
He buries himself in deep with each stroke, allowing you to feel every judge and vein as he runs his dick against your velvety walls. The table shakes with each thrust, he groans when he feels you clenching again. He moves faster, pressing his hand into the small of your back to keep you still. 
“Yes, don’t..stop!” You release onto him and chant his name as he moves in and out slowly.
“That’s it..such a good girl for me..” he rubs your clit to coax another orgasm out of you despite you being sensitive. 
You can feel his abs on your back, you can’t take anymore. You open your hands and try to push him away. He pushes in deep to make you squirm. “Give me one more, okay..you’re my slut tonight, gonna do whatever I say, right?”
“Jaehyun!” Your hands fail to apply any pressure.
He chuckles. “Are you disobeying me? Tsk tsk..you act like you can’t take it, yet you’re gripping me like it’s yours..”
He rubs his fingers in circles with more force and you can feel your essence dripping down your legs continuously now.
He thrusts faster and harder, the entire table moves as he pounds you like there’s no tomorrow. “Cum with me..cum with me right now..I’m gonna fill you up so you don’t forget who owns this pussy. so full..so warm, you’ll never give it to anyone else, that’s a fucking order, understand?..”
You can’t think clearly, you become dizzy. 
Jaehyun grabs your waist tightly to slam your ass against his pelvis and reaches his other hand around your throat to choke you. “Y/n! Do you understand?!” 
You struggle to breathe,  but nod and cum again. ”y-yes! Yes, oh my god!”
A loud groan leaves him while his movement stutters. He collapses on top of you as he empties himself finally.
After a few minutes, he sits back into the chair, turns you around and brings your limp body onto his lap as you pant. He holds you close by wrapping you in his arms, tracing his fingers delicately against your spine. 
“Jaehyun..just let me love you..please.” You rest your head onto his shoulder.
He does love you, everything about you makes him ache, you make him soft and remind him that he has a heart. He’d let his mind wander too many times, he let himself think of a world where the two of you could live together, have a few pets, get married, have kids..all sorts of “regular” things.
But love? Jaehyun is left speechless, he doesn’t know what to say, but he also doesn’t want to break your heart again. He was beyond worried for you. He unbuckles his belt from your wrists and helps you up.
He stands the both of you up then sits you back down. He looks down at you as you wait for his answer with pleading, wet eyes.
He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” He fixes his pants.
You stand up on wobbly legs, take his head into your hands and kiss him hard. “You don’t have to be sorry, just give us a chance.” You say once you break the kiss.
He kisses you back before pulling away “I can’t.” 
Your mouth falls open in shock. “What exactly am I to you? Just a quick fuck and nothing else? Just tell me!” You turn away from him.
He feels his heart break again. “No! No..you’re much more than that..it’s-“
You turn back to him. “What? What the hell is it, Jaehyun?”
“I-I don’t know, I have to go.” He can’t look into your eyes anymore.
“No..don’t.” You grab his hand and tug him back. “Not again.”
“Y/n..I’m ....” he closes his eyes and shakes his head, keeping you from seeing the tears in his eyes. Why was he getting emotional?
The truth was Jaehyun had heard those exact words before. 
“no..don’t” 
It was the last thing his mom said to him. He was 16 and hell bent on doing his own thing. He ran away from home and decided to live a life of crime. He was stupid and broke her heart in the process, leaving her to die at home alone a few months later. At 12 years old, he had made a promise to protect and care for her when his father abandoned the two of them to take care of his other family.
Jaehyun needed to make more money and by the time he was 16, his friend offered an opportunity to make more money than he could ever imagine. It’s what he needed to do for himself and his mom, or at least that’s what he thought at the time. He didn’t know that all his mom wanted was for him to be safe and to grow up as a hardworking man she could be proud of. He disappointed her..and he feared he’d disappoint you too one day.
You sigh and let him go. “I don’t hate you Jaehyun, I just don’t understand you..”
He turns away from you to not show weakness once again. “I wish I understood myself, I wish I didn’t hurt you.” He leaves, slamming the door shut as you sink down into the chair.
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daizymax · 4 months
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the ways we love | lfl (m)
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summary: periods of work mean periods without play between you and your longtime boyfriend. after he offers to be the muse for your latest artistic piece, you realize just how much you appreciate his never-ending support.
pairing: felix x fem reader
genre: smut
word count: 7.9k
rating: mature (18+)
warnings & features: established relationship; profanity; mentions of alcohol consumption and (past) drunken sex; public marriage proposal; brief mention of having children; graphic sexual content; dom!felix; dirty talk; use of pet names; fingering; some spit play; oral sex (m receiving); some spanking; penetrative sex; multiple orgasms; creampie; aftercare
author’s note: rewritten for stray kids and reuploaded from my old blog. i think this will be the last of the fics from my old blog that i'll be reuploading here for the foreseeable future. also, i forgot how much fun i had writing the smut in this one. hope you enjoy!
( click here to read on AO3 instead )
---
He had started off so well. He was relaxed, comfortable, cheerful. Happy to help. This was his idea, after all.
But now… now he’s fidgety. Anxious and bored. You sympathize with that, but if he doesn’t — “Doll, can you please stop moving?” — then you’re ready to give up this entire project already.
“I’m sorry,” he sighs in that sweet, deep voice of his. “You’re just being so quiet. I thought you’d at least talk to me and let me know how it’s coming.”
You spare him a quick, direct glance before refocusing on the canvas. “I’m not going to give you a play-by-play of every mark I make, Lix. I need to concentrate. I want this to be as perfect as you are.”
Felix huffs and averts his eyes, but you know you have appeased him from the way he falls silent and relaxes his shoulders again. The new pink hue spreading across his freckled nose, ears and cheeks would be a nice touch if only you were ready to add color to the piece. For now, you store the inspirational image away for later.
You manage to finish your outline and flesh out some details around his nose before his real-live self ruins his posture — and subsequently, the lighting on his face — by shifting in his seat yet again. With a sigh, you set your utensils aside, wipe your palms on your pants and say, “How about a break? Let me get you a drink.”
Whatever his answer was going to be — agreement, argument, or otherwise — does not have time to be voiced before you are breezing by him and into the kitchen. When you return, he accepts the glass of water and obeys your command to drink up. You watch as he tips an ice cube into his mouth and licks his heart-shaped lips afterward.
He mistakes your admiration for scrutiny. “What’s wrong?”
You smooth some stray hairs near his ear and poke the bulge of ice in his cheek. “Nothing at all. I just like looking at you.”
He crunches the ice and blushes deeper. “Thanks. Don’t you need to do that from the other side of the room, though? Any idea when you might be finished?”
You shrug and fuss with the collar of his shirt until it un-creases. “You know I can’t answer that. A few hours? Days? Weeks? Whenever I’m satisfied with it. Or whenever you say, ‘Fuck you, I’m done with this.’ I told you I can always just use a photo to finish this so you don’t have to model for me.”
Felix smiles softly. “No, I don’t want you to do that. I volunteered, didn’t I? I like modeling for you. It feels fancy to do it this way, like it might turn out better if we do it like this.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it’ll be so awful you’ll leave me over how monstrous I make you look.”
“Well, at least that would make an interesting story to tell my next girlfriend.”
You giggle. “That’s true. Why don’t I just do a caricature? That way, if it looks bad, I can pretend it was on purpose.”
“No. God no,” he says firmly. “You’re too good an artist to be making pieces look silly on purpose.”
You peck his forehead. “Well, if you want this to be ‘professional,’ you have to sit still for me, doll.”
“I will. I’ll behave.” He tilts his chin to seek out your lips, and you willingly give them up. You smile into the kiss when you see him fumble to set his glass aside on the coffee table beside him without breaking contact with you. Before he can free up his hands to do goodness-knows-what with them, you slink away, back to your easel.
“You just told me you’d behave. If you’re not backing out, then I’m still working, and that means no playing,” you remind him.
He knows, but there is still a hint of disappointment in his dark brown gaze.
These abstinence periods are relatively new to your long-standing relationship. You suppose most people would think a couple purposefully denying themselves sex would tear a wedge of stress and resentment between them, but that has not been the case with you and Felix. It’s a stimulus. A game. A challenging one, to be sure, but always immensely rewarding.
So that is what you have both agreed: there is no sex while you are working on a piece. Not until the job is finished.
“How long do you think this one will take?” Felix asks again.
You plop down in your seat with a light groan and gather your utensils again. “The answer is the same, Lix. I can’t say for sure. A few hours, days, weeks?”
Your pretty muse nods and takes another sip of water as he mentally prepares himself for the oncoming drought. He does his best to relax in his seat again, and you flash him a smile before getting back to work.
---
It takes twelve days to complete the portrait, and Felix is not even sitting across from you when the last stroke falls upon the canvas. He might be offended by this once he finds out, but you couldn’t stop yourself from finishing without him. Besides, you know he will ultimately be as happy as you are that it is finally finished.
Truthfully, you might have been able to do most of the portrait simply from memory; you know his face as well as your own by now.
A sigh flutters past your lips. You take a step back to better admire (and scrutinize) your work. As you scan it over, you can’t help but smile. Not just out of pride for the job you did, but because of the striking resemblance you have been striving to achieve.
It is always difficult to instill life and warmth into mere lines and dots and smudges, but the two-dimensional rendition truly seems as though it could begin breathing at any moment, and a fresh wave of fondness for your best friend and lover as the real-life person he is comes over you. That is how you know you are satisfied, and not just in terms of your finished project.
This is something to celebrate, so after deciding how you want to do so, you pick up your phone to text Felix about an important dilemma.
[You: hey i forgot what you’re wearing today]
There is enough time to change out of your old, splattered overalls and heat up a late lunch before your phone buzzes back.
[Felix: i know it’s been a while since we’ve sexted but i think you meant to phrase that as “what are you wearing” with a smirk emoji]
You almost choke on a bite of your food as you laugh out loud.
You: dfjfdjso i’m not trying to sext you. i just need to know if you’re dressed nicely enough for a restaurant with a decent wine list tonight. we have some celebrating to do
[Felix: how come?]
[You: it’s finished]
This time your phone does not buzz. It rings.
“You finished the portrait?” Felix’s voice is hushed and a little rushed. You can tell he is on the move, probably heading somewhere away from his co-workers and customers for a more private conversation.
“It’s signed and everything,” you say cheerfully.
“That’s fantastic!” he says, not the least bit offended. “This is definitely worth celebrating. We should go to the nicest place in town and dress to the nines.”
More laughter bursts from deep in your chest. “Wha— I mean, it’s still just a portrait, Lix. I didn’t win an award or solve a murder case or anything.”
“So? I” — you hear the sound of a door closing in the background — “sat in that chair for a hundred years and went celibate waiting for that portrait to be done. No offense. This deserves a grand celebration.”
Your eyeroll can probably be heard through the receiver. “It didn’t take that long, did it? It was less than two weeks. Remember that waterfall landscape I did?”
Felix grunts at the memory. “Yeah, how can I forget? Longest month-and-a-half of my entire life.”
“It was worth it in the end, though, wasn’t it?” you say, remembering how neither of you could walk properly for at least a couple days after you finished that particular piece, which is now proudly mounted on a wall in the master bedroom. “Come on, doll. When I pick you up, we’ll go out and have that decent wine with a decent meal so the public knows we’re celebrating something, and then we’ll come home and fuck each other blind, okay?”
There was a time years ago when he might have choked and sputtered over your words, but this lewd proposal is mild, and today he doesn’t flinch.
“If that’s what Madame Artiste wants, then that’s what she’ll get,” Felix says.
He offers you a choice between two restaurants he deems himself dressed appropriately for without having to come home and change, and once you choose, he asks, “Can you just bring my navy suit jacket with you so I can make this outfit work, please? I’ll see you later. I can’t wait.”
He ends the call with the sound of a kiss.
---
The chimes on the door draw the attention of three pairs of eyes, and the sight of you stepping into the salon brings a smile to Felix’s face. Well, the mask on the lower half of his face prevents you from actually seeing his smile, but the happiness is there in his deep brown eyes.
“Hi,” he says, scanning your date-night outfit with obvious appreciation. “Be right with you.”
“Take your time,” you say, smiling at the customer sitting across from him. She smiles back politely and returns her attention to Felix, who goes back to focusing on her fingernails. He meticulously sweeps an emery board across the rounded ruby shapes to finish smoothing them out.
The third person in the salon gets up from his cozy perch in one of the pedicure chairs at the end of the row and crosses the floor.
“You look so nice, Y/N. Is it date night?”
“Yep, we’re off to dinner,” you say, accepting the man’s hug. “What’s new, Ji?”
“Oh, not much.” Jisung shrugs and takes one of your hands. He inspects your fingernails, which have unsightly matte polka dots chipped in the gloss. “Want me to redo these before you go? It won’t take that long.”
You let out a fleeting giggle. “Honestly, I don’t know why I bother getting them done in the first place when I put so much wear and tear on them. This damage only took me a week.”
“Well that’s because—” Jisung shoots your boyfriend a quick look and clearly alters the second part of his statement, “—you did them at home. You need to have them professionally done.”
His way of criticizing Felix’s work while leaving the customer in the room none the wiser is clever, and you have half a mind to applaud him for poking fun at his friend without hurting their business.
The comment is not lost on Felix. He glares over at you and Jisung, but he cannot seem to think of a subtle rebuttal, so he stews in silence.
“Ah, maybe that’s my problem,” you say, grinning.
“Give me, like, fifteen minutes and you’ll be all set,” Jisung promises.
As he’s making his offer, Felix finishes with the woman. From the edge of your vision, you see him remove his mask and lead her to the register to finish the transaction.
“Are you working Saturday morning?” you ask Jisung. “I’ll stop in then and you can do my toes, too.”
Before he can either confirm or deny the appointment, Felix interrupts by coming up behind you and waving his tip in front of your face. “Here, look what my ‘unprofessional’ work got us,” he says. “Buy yourself something nice, baby.”
You chuckle at his little joke until you flick through the bills and realize just how much worth is in them. “Wow, Lix, she was so generous!”
“She was appreciative of the amazing job I did,” he corrects with a peck to your cheek, then he takes his suit jacket from your arms to slip it on. “Sorry, Ji, we have to go. Ready, Y/N?”
“Ready,” you say.
“Sounds good,” Jisung replies at the same time. “I’ll lock up here. Enjoy your date, guys. See you Saturday, Y/N.”
---
The wine is more than decent, the food hits all the right spots, and the company is absolutely perfect.
Felix laughs happily from across the table. Strands of pale blonde hair trickle past his ears the further he tips his head back, and the apples of his cheeks are hued pink from where the rosé has gone. His smile loses none of its dazzle when the waiter interrupts to check on the two of you. The sheer warmth he radiates is boundless in the most endearing way.
When the waiter leaves, you watch Felix lean back in his chair. His eyes land on yours, and while some of the amusement fades from his face, the fondness remains. You see it there, twinkling in the inky pools of his irises; you feel it in the comfort he exudes while he is with you.
For some reason, the contentment of the moment draws something to mind. “Do you remember when we first met?” you ask out of the blue.
The corners of his eyes crinkle. “Of course I do. Remember how you tried to kiss me?”
“Oh my god, yes,” you groan. “Honestly, I still don’t remember a whole lot about that night, but I definitely remember you saying, ‘Oh, no thank you,’ right in my face.”
“Listen,” he laughs in defense, holding up a finger. “I was trying to be polite. I was trying to be a gentleman. You were a hot mess. That party had you twenty so’s-worth of shit-faced.”
“Twenty what?”
“You were so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, soooo…” he starts chanting his stupid joke.
You giggle and hang your head. “Okay, okay, I get it.”
“Hang on.” He holds that finger up higher. “So, so, SOOOO—”
“I said I get it already!”
“—so shit-faced. I didn’t want to embarrass you.”
“You did embarrass me, though! By rejecting me.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he says, dipping his head in apology, “but we both would’ve been way more embarrassed if we’d slept together that night. It would’ve been a disaster.”
You quirk an eyebrow. “What makes you think I would’ve slept with you so soon?”
“Uh. Did you or did you not sleep with my roommate that night instead?”
“Fair enough," you say, toasting your wine glass in his direction. “It’s only funny now because we’re the ones who ended up together.”
Felix smiles. “Thank goodness for that. Life is pretty incredible with you in it, sweetheart.”
His words sober you a bit, and you smile back almost shyly. “I could say the same about you, doll.”
He probably does not always love you as much and as effortlessly as he does right now. He certainly is not always his best, most charming self the way he is right now. Neither are you. But he is still worth loving when he is at his worst, and if you could have moments like these scattered all throughout the rest of your life, you feel it would be enough. His love and support and respect and admiration are more than enough.
So it comes as a soft entreaty rather than a question; out of the blue again, but also a long time coming: “Please marry me.”
This time Felix raises an eyebrow. He seems more intrigued than surprised by your impromptu proposal. Then he half-purses, half-pouts his lips in a cheeky sort of expression, like he thinks you’re bluffing but is willing to play along anyway.
That feeling of overconfidence you had that first drunken night when you leaned in to kiss him in a stranger’s kitchen comes back, as does the fear of the rejection you suffered immediately afterward. If he says ‘Oh, no thank you,’ again, you wonder if you’ll die of embarrassment right here in this restaurant, surrounded by different strangers with different alcohol on your breath.
But you know he won’t, not even as a joke, because he knows you now. He knows you well, and he sees the sincerity in your face.
“I don’t have a ring,” you go on, “but I’ll get down on one knee right here, right now. This dress won’t stop me.”
Wordlessly, Felix lifts his napkin from his lap to lay it across his plate, then leans sideways to pull something from his pocket. He casually holds it up for your inspection, and once you realize what it is, you move to kneel in front of him as promised without even questioning the coincidence. Now is not the time for questions. Now is the time to show how serious you are about this.
Felix stares down at you and pries open the tiny case to reveal the brilliance of the diamond’s sparkle. Your fingers are sure and steady when he slips the top-heavy band onto the appropriate one.
“I would be honored to marry you,” he says softly, poking back and forth at the engagement ring with the edge of his thumbnail.
By now there are dozens of eyes on the quiet scene the two of you are making, but his are the only pair you see. His smile is still there, softer and smaller now, but still brimming with the adoration he has gained over the years. It widens when you rise up just enough to press your lips to it. His hand finds the back of your head the same second yours cups his.
A round of coos and charmed applause from the crowd goes up around you, but it is all background noise to the sound of Felix’s precious, giddy laughter.
---
He is no longer laughing by the time you throw the front door shut and press him up against it. The needy kisses between here and the car have taken most of his oxygen.
“Shit,” he hisses, watching you work his belt buckle. “You get a ring on your finger and you turn feral, is that how it works?”
You growl playfully but say nothing.
“You better slow down, tiger, or we won’t last five minutes.”
“Don’t care.”
“Aren’t you gonna show me what we waited so long for this for first?”
“Later. I thought you were dying of celibacy?” you sass.
Felix clicks his tongue. The simple sound is quiet, but it shifts the air. You stop trying to get into his pants to give his dark eyes your undivided attention.
“We have all the time in the world now, don’t we?” he murmurs, as though the hard-on in his jeans is not growing as impatient as you.
You swallow. “I just want you so badly. It hurts.”
His gaze sharpens at your tone. “Does it?” He reaches up to graze a thumb along your bottom lip. “Where does it hurt, sweetheart? Here?”
The sound you let out is something between a hum and a whine. You feel so sex-starved, so desperate for any morsel of pleasure he can feed you. You try to take his thumb into your mouth, but he slips it away too fast, plucking your lip as he goes. He brushes across your breast next. The sensation is dulled by your clothing, but your nipple stands to attention nonetheless.
“What about here?” he whispers.
“Yes…” The fingers that had been so keen on removing his belt cling idly to the leather.
“Aw.” Felix pouts and bats his eyelashes at you, but his sympathy feels insincere. He’s amused by the state of you. He adores seeing you so riled up and pliant for him.
His thumb trails further, straight down your stomach, while the rest of his fingers are kept stiff and carefully away from your buzzing body.
Eventually, he reaches the crease between your thighs and presses through the layers of your dress and your panties where he estimates your clit to be. He is a little north at first but quickly readjusts his position. The soft moan you let out is a dead giveaway for when he has found it.
“And here?” He takes a step closer while he begins drawing tiny circles. “Tell me, angel, does it hurt here?”
“Yes. Yes...”
He kisses your cheek tenderly. Mercifully. His deep voice is pitched even deeper when he murmurs, “Shh. I know it does. It’s finally time for me to make it better, isn’t it.”
You cant your hips against his hand. “Felix, please...”
“Come here.”
He trades places to cage you up against the front door. You reach for him, but he draws back out of reach to shrug out of his jacket first. After he carefully pushes the sleeves of his sweater up, he uses both hands to hike your dress up along your waist. There is no rush to his movements. In fact, it’s almost graceful the way he does it, as though the actions he is about to perform could be considered decent.
When you try to remove your underwear from his way, he nudges your hands aside. “Ah-ah-ah,” he tuts. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Tell me the safe word first, Y/N.”
After all this time, he still has you say it out loud beforehand. Beneath your eager lust, you appreciate the basic act of care and commitment to playing the dominant role.
“Candle,” you answer.
He thanks you as though you’ve done him a favor and places a light kiss on the edge of your jaw. Then he hooks his thumb through the side of your panties to touch the hood of your bare clit directly. A jolt of electricity singes your nerves from his first flick. Your body noticeably quivers, and Felix smirks at his quick, effortless effect on you.
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” he drawls lowly.
You swallow again, drier this time. “Mm-hm.”
“Because we don’t play while you’re working anymore, do we?”
You shake your head. “Hm-mm.”
“And you’ve been working so hard, haven’t you, baby?”
You hum again, louder this time. Or maybe it’s a full-blown moan. Whatever the sound is, it becomes incessant over each passing second and each pass of his thumb. Every noise you make is met with a return sigh or hum from Felix. Every jerk of your hips is matched by a tilt of his head or other shift in his posture.
Getting fingered like this, fully dressed and up against the front door of your home, spikes a carnal, filthy pleasure into your blood. It sears through your muscles, hotter and hotter until it beads between your skin and your clothes. You want to take them off, but you dare not stop Felix for a second. You keen with lust and desperation.
“I know. I know,” he purrs, soft and sweet as a kitten. “Feels good, doesn’t it? Feels so good...” He nuzzles the space between your jaw and your neck and inhales deeply.
You tilt your face away to give him better access, but he peels back and takes your chin in his other hand to steer you back toward him. A puff of hot breath hits your damp temple; it almost feels cool.
“Eyes on me. Good girl.” His gaze skims down your form. “You’re still shaking. All I’ve done is touch your clit and you’re that close already, huh?”
“Yes, so close,” you admit, completely unashamed. “Just keep going, please just keep going.”
Felix smiles and takes the sweat from your temple with a pair of kisses. “How can I say no when you beg me so nicely like the perfect angel you are? Hold onto me. C’mon.”
You instinctively go to clutch his biceps but think of a better idea and hook your arms around his neck instead. Felix allows you to pull him even closer and finally — finally — slips another finger into your panties. He pushes it into your opening with almost no resistance, and you gasp when his knuckles bottom out inside you. Just as quickly as the finger entered, a second one joins and curls. He keeps them buried for a moment, then drags them back out to smear the juices he collected around your swollen bud. The slipperier his work gets, the more he enjoys it.
“Your pussy is so perfect,” he breathes. “Spread your legs. I want to feel just how wet it gets for me.”
You obediently open your legs wider, and he delves back in immediately, fast enough that his palm audibly claps against your slick lips, hard enough to send your head tipping backward to thump against the door. When his thumb drops back to your clit and nudges under the hood this time, you know it won’t be long until you’re unraveled.
“Ohhh my god,” you groan. More sweat builds on your forehead, on your chest, under your arms, along the backs of your knees. You grow lightheaded from the static in your veins from being fucked open by Felix’s talented, diligent fingers.
“That’s it,” he pants. You’re not sure when he became so breathless. “That’s it, sweetheart. Let go. Come for me. Come for me. Come.”
Another dozen strokes and you do as you’re told with a pinched yelp. Felix kisses your throat as he works you up your high and eases you back down, undulating his wrist and babbling encouragements into your sticky skin.
“That’s it, squeeze my fingers, just like that. Squeeze ‘em tight. Tight. There you go. That’s my good girl. So gorgeous when you come. So fucking perfect. Hey.”
The hand not still knuckle-deep in your pussy cups your cheek and pulls you in. He swallows the whines and the airless, nonsensical words of thanks you huff between kisses.
Once your breathing has had time to settle, he gingerly slips his fingers from your sensitive, throbbing walls. He doesn’t even look at those fingers as he brings them to his tongue. In fact, he closes his eyes altogether as he laps the tips and moans indulgently, as though this is the first time he has ever tasted you.
When he is done cleaning the mess you made on him, he looks you in the eye and says, “Now that we’ve rubbed out that easy one, I’m open to suggestions on what to do next.”
“Let me return the favor?” You inflect it as a question.
Felix smirks. “It wasn’t a favor, sweetheart, it was a pleasure. But since you’re asking so nicely again… c’mere.”
He tugs you by the hands and begins walking backward, slipping out of his shoes as he goes, and you follow his lead. You assume he is bringing you to the bedroom, but he stops when his feet hit the carpet in the living room and glances over his shoulder. It must be the chair he was looking for because he then moves toward it with a sense of purpose, leaving you a few paces behind.
“Strip,” he orders. His voice is even and his expression is calm as he sits and crosses an ankle over his opposite knee.
You move to obey without hesitation, twisting your arm behind your back to yank down the zipper on your dress. Felix keeps his eyes fixed on your face as you peel the gown away from your shoulders. Gravity takes the fabric to your waist, and you shove it down the rest of the way to step out of it completely. Next, you snap one of your bra straps with an eyebrow cocked in question.
Felix nods. “Mhm. Keep going ‘til you’re in nothing but that ring.”
You had nearly forgotten about it. You lift your hand to look at it again, but a sudden noise startles you. It sounds like more of a crack than a snap from the way it ricochets off the walls of your home, though you know a snap is exactly what it was by the pose of Felix’s fingers in the air.
“Don’t get distracted now,” he says, deep voice rumbling. He drops his hand back to his lap. “You’re being so good. Finish taking off your clothes, then come here.”
With his instructions, you unhook your bra and let it drop to the floor. His eyes dip to your naked chest, but his expression is more clinical than enticed.
You shove your thumbs into the band of your panties and stall there until you get the attention you want. It takes Felix a few seconds to realize you’re not moving and look back to your face. When he meets your eyes, he mouths the word ‘off,’ leaving his teeth planted in his bottom lip for an extended moment. Even when he is silent, you feel the authority radiating from him. You shiver when the air hits your slick, heated center.
Felix uncrosses his legs, and you finally glean a proper peek at your effect on him. The erection in his pants looks past the point of painful, but his demeanor is still relaxed as he invites you to stand in front of him by casually tossing a throw pillow at his feet. Once your toes brush against it, he reaches for your hands and sweeps his lips across your knuckles, quick and affectionate. Then his hands are on your waist, and near your ribs, and around the curves of your ass, and across your thighs. He soothes them up and down your skin, imprinting patches of heat everywhere he roams.
“There’s my gorgeous girl.” He leans forward and plants an open-mouthed kiss on your lower stomach, then peers up through his eyelashes at you and directs, “On your knees for me, gorgeous.”
Another look at his covered crotch and you do as you’re bid. When your knees touch down on the pillow, Felix shifts to whip his belt out of its loops at last. By the time it clanks to the floor, you’re already helping him with the button and the zipper. He lets you tug his pants down to and away from his ankles. His socks go next, and he takes care of his sweater and undershirt himself. His underwear is last but gone in a flash and then there he sits, stripped bare with his toned abdominals twitching and his cock standing flushed and rigid just for you. He is so goddamn beautiful.
“Is this what you want?” He leans back and takes his rosy length in a loose fist. “Is this what you’ve been being so good and working so hard for?”
You swallow and pretend it’s his precum sliding down your throat. “Yes.”
“What’s that, baby?” He strokes upward.
“Yes.”
“What do you say?” He strokes downward. Back up again. Your eyes may as well be stringed puppets with the way they follow helplessly.
“I said yes,” you repeat again.
And he patiently repeats: “No, what do you say? Look at me.”
Once you meet his lust-glazed stare, you don’t have to wrack your brain for the answer he’s looking for.
“Please,” you say, “let me suck your cock. I want it so badly. You deserve to feel good after waiting so long.”
Felix tucks his chin down, puckers his lips, and releases a ball of spit onto the head of his cock. Another soon follows, racing alongside the first, joining the trail of wetness that already leaked from the slit.
You shuffle closer between his knees and take him in your hand. He lets go of himself, but not before brushing his fingertips along the back of your hand. The gesture is deliberate, not coincidental, and you smile up at him. He smiles back, more with his eyes than his mouth. His mouth is used to give commands such as, “Put it in your mouth, sweetheart,” before leaning back comfortably. Even with his pulsing erection at your mercy, he is a marvel of beauty and dominance.
You give him a few strokes to spread the wetness around and simply enjoy the slick glide, then bend to take in his wet tip. He tastes delicious. Good enough for you to moan on contact, good enough for you to want to fill your entire mouth with his warm heaviness. He is tangy from his natural body and sweet from the taste of wine lingering in his spit. You sink down further, letting your tongue follow the path of a prominent vein.
“Open wide. That’s it,” he says. His voice is steady but barely there. The relief of finally being touched where he wants it most runs a succinct shiver through his legs, but otherwise he remains controlled, even when you tighten your lips to hollow your cheeks. “There you go. So good for me. So good at sucking my dick.”
His praise leaves you hungry for more, so you slather your tongue down and around his balls to hear the way his sighs and quiet pants start to crack his composure. He shifts his hips to ensure you can reach every sensitive part of him, and his cock feels just a bit stiffer when you try to swallow it down your throat.
“Hah,” he gasps. “Oh, fuck, baby, that’s it.”
On the armrest of the chair, his fist clenches tight enough to pop a knuckle. He soon releases it, however, and moves his hand toward you. You half-expect him to hold you in place because you know how much he enjoys being in your throat, but instead, he eases you off of him and uses his loose grip on the top of your head to roll it back in a slow, gentle circle along your neck and around your shoulders. A strand of spit — there is no way to tell whether it is yours or his — still bridges your lips to his swollen cock. You reach out to break it with your tongue, curling it devilishly. Felix watches with dark, hooded eyes.
“Dirty girl.” He wipes away the dribble on your chin with his thumb. “Where do you want it?”
You don’t quite understand his question. “Hm?”
Once again, he takes your hands in his, this time to help you up off the floor and onto his lap where he can sling your arms around his neck. The only conceivable reason for him to cut a blowjob so short is that he is already too close to coming. You won’t call him out on it, but you’re thrilled to know it’s true.
“I asked you where you want it. Where do you want me to fuck you?” His vulgar inquiry is warm honey on your tongue. “You want me to take you up against the wall? Fuck you so good and so hard that you can’t fucking walk in the morning? Hm?” His hum vibrates your lips with the sweetest melody. “Do you want me to take you in our bed, under the sheets, nice and slow, until you can’t remember your own name?” His lips are a soft, decadent treat you sink your teeth into. “Or do you want me to take you in this chair, right here where I sat while you were across the room working for hours and hours instead of bouncing on my dick?” His perfume is a laced drug that could leave you high in bliss for hours.
“Yes,” you breathe into his mouth. You pull at his lips, molding and folding them with yours while you feel up every inch of his skin you can reach — his jaw, his back, his arms, his chest, his stomach.
Felix relinquishes a shred of his control with a groan as he ravishes your lips right back. His own hands crawl along your shoulder blades, your spine, your ass. Eventually, he clears his head well enough to say, “That’s not an answer, sweetheart. You need to tell me right now where you want to fuck, or I’m choosing for you.”
“Here. Chair. Now,” you rasp brokenly.
He hoists you up right away, perching your ass halfway onto one of his forearms and using his other hand to drag his swollen, spongy cockhead through your folds until he finds your entrance. The tip slips inside with a stretch but little resistance, as does the rest of him until your lap and his are pressed flush against one another’s.
You rock your hips slowly to welcome the intrusion and ensure he is as deep and you are as full as possible, and his breath hitches from the movement. He lowers his eyes in a straight path from your eyes to your nose to your chin. His lips part as though he is going to say something, but after a couple seconds, he leans forward to give you another searing kiss instead, bracing a hand against your spine to keep you from tipping backward from the sudden motion.
Whatever he was going to say about how good it feels to be sunk in your wet heat again is conveyed through his tongue on yours and the way he clutches your bare skin.
Just when you think perhaps all his words have dried up, Felix sucks his mouth off yours, lays a slap across your ass, and grunts in deep bass: “Bounce for me, baby.”
You would love nothing more than to do just that, so you build up a steady pace as quick as you can. He is just thick enough to rub your walls and make them burn in the best way imaginable. The smacks that come from your pelvis and thighs meeting his over and over are lewd and wet and so fucking good. So fucking good.
You shut your eyes and hang your head back. “Oh my fucking god…”
Felix keeps an arm hooked around your moving waist while he paws at you from the front. He splays his free hand across your throat, applying just enough pressure to get a feel for your erratic pulse, then slips down your collarbone, down your chest to squeeze one of your tits.
“That’s it, baby. This is what we’ve been missing, isn’t it?” He lifts your breast and leans forward to wrap his lips around the perked nipple. The sensation makes you involuntarily clench around him, and he whimpers from the tightness. “Fuck, I’ve missed this so much.”
His admission spurs you to speed up. You try to roll your hips at the bottom of every drop, but your movements are getting sloppier the higher your pleasure climbs. It doesn’t seem to matter to Felix, though. His ragged breathing is a telltale sign of how good it feels to have your soaked pussy dragging up and down his cock. He tries to find your staggered rhythm in order to buck upward in time with your drops and help drive himself into your sweetest spot, but although both of you are hyper-concentrated on reaching your peaks, the coordination is not quite there.
“Sweetheart, you’re falling apart on my dick,” he moans with the little breath he has. “Jesus, you’re squeezing me so goddamn tight. You’ve already come once and now you’re about to soak my whole fucking lap, aren’t you?”
“Lix, I-I’m s-s-so-” you trill mindlessly.
“So close, I know.” He gives the fleshiest part of your ass another solid slap, then digs his fingers in to help you rock back and forth against him. “Do it. Come again on my fucking cock, baby. We’ve earned it.”
You work to get all the friction the ridges of his raw cock can give you, but the edge you’re chasing is still on the horizon, just a bit too far out of reach. “Felix, I can’t…”
“I’ll get you there,” he swears. “Let’s just—”
In no time, you’re on your back on the floor and Felix is plunging his steely length back between your drenched folds. Your legs automatically anchor themselves around his hips to steady yourself against the jarring pace he sets. The aftermath of the rough carpet on your bare skin is a worry for a later. Right now, you whine at him to go faster, go harder, just don’t fucking stop, whatever he does.
Felix leans close and takes one of your knees to push it back toward your chest so he can fuck into you deeper. His breath is hot and shaky and somewhere in the vicinity of your earlobe as he whispers, “Fuck, you’ve gotta come now, angel. Please.”
He readjusts his weight and his grip on you, pushes deep just a few more times, and you’re finally coming again, crying out and clenching around him so tight it nearly hurts from how hard he is inside you. He fucks you through your entire high, never stopping the solid snap-snap-snap of his slim hips.
“God, fuck, I’m right fucking there,” he huffs and pants. Sweat drips from his brow onto your cheek. “Where do you want it? Where should I come?”
“In me, come in me,” you beg, reaching down to squeeze his tight ass and urge him even deeper into your soaked depths.
Felix whines something wordlessly lyrical in a high alto as his release fills you with a sticky warmth. He fucks his cum into you with rough, staggered thrusts, his pace slowing but never completely stopping. Your legs begin to ache as he continues gingerly pumping himself. You assume his spent cock must hurt from the rising sensitivity following his orgasm, but he is not quite finished.
“Holy shit,” he whimpers. “Your pussy’s so fucking tight, I think I could come again.”
Your walls clench around him because you know he is serious. “Do it, baby,” you pant hard. “Use my pussy to come again. I want it all.”
“Yes, yes, yes. Just a little more, I’m gonna— fuck!”
He finds a second shaky high and buries his fingers in your hips deep enough that the bruises may last until your wedding day. The force with which he pulses a final spurt of cum toward your cervix is something you’re certain to remember for a long time as well.
“Holy shit,” Felix sighs again, blissful and fucked out. The two of you moan together when he slips out of you, still half hard. “Come here, angel.”
He slumps to the side and gathers you in his arms to face him. You tuck your forehead between his jaw and his shoulder, and he traces his fingertips along your shoulder blades where the skin is a little irritated from its row with the carpet. You’re not worried about the sting, but your nerves wince under his touch anyway, and he apologizes immediately.
“Shit, I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have—”
“You’re not an idiot,” you giggle tiredly. “We’ve had worse rug burn before. Much worse.”
“I know, which means I know better than to have sex on the carpet.” He kisses your forehead and sweeps a thumb across your cheek. “I shouldn’t have gotten so caught up, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” you insist. “Being fucked into the carpet never felt so good.”
Felix laughs quietly, deeply. “It was definitely worth the wait. I haven’t come twice in a row like that in a while.” His sigh is exhausted but pleased; his hug is weak but loving.
After a moment of recovery, he helps you stand and urges you to use the bathroom and change into something comfortable, and you agree on the condition he does the same.
Before you dress, he peppers sweet kisses along your lightly scraped skin and helps you apply lotion over it. He also insists that you drink at least half a glass of water to rehydrate yourself before you both return to the living room so you can finally show him what the two of you have been celebrating in the first place. He massages the back of your neck soothingly as you walk side by side.
“Alright, now I’m actually really proud of this, but you still need to be honest with me, okay?” you preface. Without waiting for him to respond, you whip the sheet covering the easel away with a flourish.
The moment it is revealed, Felix eyes dart over the portrait in patternless directions. You want to see inside that pretty head of his to know every thought going through his mind while he examines your depiction of him, but you can’t, so you keep your eyes trained on his pensive face and wait quietly for him to share whatever feedback he chooses.
“Y/N,” he eventually begins. You can’t tell if the hush in his tone is because he is awed or appalled.
“Yes?”
Felix turns to look you in the eye. “How do you keep outdoing yourself?”
A note of laughter pops past your lips, and the nervousness in it surprises you. “Well, you know what they say about practice. Does that mean you like it?”
“Are you kid— I love it! I don’t even know where to begin! The detail, Y/N! It’s so—” He faces his two-dimensional self again and waves his hand through the air in front of the canvas in a gesture you have no idea how to interpret. Then he extends a single finger toward the bottom edge of the canvas. “Like right here. The shadowing is so good. And the way you did the lighting here...” He lifts his finger higher to point at his painted cheekbones. “You did my freckles so well, I wouldn’t even be surprised if you captured literally every single one of them. It’s, like, scary good. And I don’t know if this is technically a critique towards the realism, but I don’t think my hair has ever actually looked this good in real life.”
You laugh louder, more happily. “I do think I did a pretty good job, but your real life self is way better than this, doll. Trust me.” You tuck a lock of hair behind his ear, and he brings his face back around to look at you again.
“I don’t even know what else to say without sounding dumb about it,” he tells you. It is not often he sounds bashful around you anymore, but he does now. “I’ll have to keep processing it. But in my unprofessional opinion, to my untrained, non-artistic eye, I’d say this is certifiably amazing work, sweetheart.”
You touch his cheek. “As long as you don’t feel like leaving me over it, you don’t have to say anything else.”
Felix takes your other hand and kisses the center of your palm, then each of your fingertips separately, then the ring between your knuckles.
Tomorrow, you’ll ask him for the story of how he happened to have it in his pocket tonight. Saturday, when Jisung sees it on your finger, you’ll ask his advice on how you should do your nails for the wedding (though you’ll probably end up having them done by your groom anyway). Next week, you’ll ask Felix what time of year he has in mind for the ceremony, or if he even wants to make a big pageantry of it. The week after that, you’ll either start looking into wedding venues or making an appointment with City Hall.
And years from now, when your children ask you about the portrait you painted of their father, you’ll tell them you did it because he was always your biggest supporter, and you’ll be reminded just how in love the two of you were tonight.
---
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ghostsvacuumcleaner · 11 months
Text
Metamorphose | 2k
my masterlist | ao3 ✦ Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader ✦ Summary: You and Simon deal with the pain of losing a baby. ✦ TW and general warnings: established relationship, angst, fluff, sensitive content (abortion), depression and eating disorder mentions, it's painful but he comforts you
A/N: Hi everyone! Since I'm working hard on some requests I've received and in the next chapter of Shades of Red, I decided to release this kinda old drabble of mine here. I'm not too satisfied with how it ended up but enoughly to post, so enjoy <3
I'd also like to mention that I have a taglist for my longfic Shades of Red but not one for my general writing and drabbles so I'll make a post for it, but till then, if anyone's interested in being tagged in my general posts and drabbles, please let me know <3
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The sky is colored in blue, pink and purple.
Mostly blue.
You stare outside of the window while it changes, a golden yellow sun by the morning that rises; it spent too much time burning bright in the also bright blue sky. You counted the hours till it started descending. Now, the sun was nothing more than a little line by the horizon, and the sky was fading into cold colors, fading into the cold night. 
You feel hungry, but it felt wrong to eat knowing you’d be sick of your stomach the second food hits it. You’re not in town anymore, Simon decided it would be better if the two of you took some time out in the country, where it was safe and you’d have time and space to do the things you loved. Running with your dog, swimming in the lake, breathing the fresh air. Truth is, you don’t feel like doing anything. Your legs are too tired, you’re sleepy, you’re tired. You’re very tired. 
You heard him on the phone earlier. His voice was hoarse and low, he argued you wouldn’t want to receive visits. You could tell whoever it was - was insisting, pushing him too hard into allowing them to visit you. He blatantly denied, and you could feel his mood changing in a bit of seconds, his patience running low and the moment he turned off and let out a huge snort; and it had been perhaps two hours since that happened.
You let out a tired sigh, your empty sad eyes stare down at a small sign of movement under the window you were staring at. A little cocoon, seeming to be still inhabited, was hanging from a little line in there. You knew it was supposed to keep hanging till the moment that little caterpillar metamorphosed into a butterfly, and broke the shell, flying out freely. But for some reason you can’t understand - as well as many things in nature, this one cocoon is about to fall.
Your shaky hands reach out for it and before it hit the ground, you carefully pull it and it detaches without a second guess. You take a small look around the room and grab a small empty cup where the water you were supposed to have drunk evaporated, and place the small thing inside of it.
“There you go.” You mutter, the first time you hear your own voice in days, maybe weeks. 
Some things aren’t supposed to happen. And you’re not supposed to die without being conceived the chance of living, even if only for a day.
You reach for Simon downstairs, minutes later. Looking pale for the lack of food you’ve been putting yourself through, tired for even standing, collateral effects of the strong medication you’re taking for the sake of your life. 
“Baby.” You mutter, and he turns instantly from the alluring stare he was giving the fireplace. Your man’s sitting in a cozy armchair, drinking tea - cold at this point - and dissociating just like yourself. You blame yourself for a second: how can you put him through so much? Isn’t he suffering as much as you, why are you isolating him?
“Yes, my love?” He quickly responds, like he craves for hearing more of you. “Another nightmare?” he asks, standing to come closer to you.
You shook your head. “No… I found this.” you show the cup between your hands; Simon doesn’t seem to get it at first glance. “A butterfly. It’ll come out anytime, the cocoon is moving.” you state.
“Oh.” He raises an eyebrow, and sighs a little. “What a cute thing… Should we put it in the garden?” He asks, so much calm in his voice you feel yourself a little lighter. 
“I want to see it.” You state. “The butterfly, I don’t know what type it will be, I’m curious.” 
Simon looks at you like love would, if love was a person. He’s as tired as you, you can tell. Maybe his legs work a bit more than yours and his hands have the capacity of doing the hard work still, but his mind is as empty as yours.
“Of course.” He nods, and reaches for his own coat, placing it around your shoulders. You feel warm and cozy to the smell of him. “We can watch, come on.” he suggests, and grabs onto your hand. 
His squeeze is light and calm, and your body follows him instinctively, not thinking about anything but the comfort you crave right now.
For the past few days, the only thing you could think of was the void in your belly. The void you haven’t felt in months; when you told him you were pregnant, Simon stared at you in complete despair and horror for at least ten excruciating silent minutes. You weren’t used to the idea as well, you’d have to interrupt your current work, you’d have to dedicate yourself to learn the slightest about being a mother.
It is a lie that every woman is born knowing how to hold a baby. When the two of you would visit some of your friends and their children, you’d try to picture yourself as holding your own baby instead of holding theirs. You couldn’t. They’d tell you that oh, god, don’t hold him like this, while laughing. But for you that was a sinful despairing moment.
Simon knew better than you, as a matter of fact. He held babies correctly, unintentionally - but very correctly. 
You didn’t know if you were supposed to feel envious of his natural ability or proud of having this man as a daddy to your baby. 
You learnt to love the little thing growing in your belly. He did, too. He would often bring gifts to you - keeping track with your cravings, and also buying things for the baby. Baby’s little room would be full soon enough. This little creature who wasn’t even born yet was everywhere around your house. The worries about conciliating Simon’s work with your pregnancy were starting to catch the two of you off guard, and soon as he asked for a license to take care of his pregnant wife, that day. That night. So much pain, so much blood. He wasn’t a small lifeless fetus anymore, it was a whole baby. It was a girl. She had a name. 
Some things aren’t supposed to happen. 
“Your parents want to visit.” He mutters, the two of you sitting in the swinging chairs by the garden, surrounded by dozens of different kinds of flowers. The weather is fairly cold, but you don’t feel it with his coat around yourself. “Told them you wouldn’t want to.
“I don’t.” You agree. “Tell them I need time.”
“I did.” He fixes the coat you have around yourself, and glares into you as the sky fades into deeper tones of dark blue. “I was a little less polite than that, but I did.”
“If you weren’t, they wouldn’t listen.” You argue, looking at him now, too. Your eyes fall deep into the void of his own. 
For the first time in those two painful weeks, you can feel his pain flowing through his damaged soul. Like yours. 
“I know. Terribly stubborn blood you have, dear.” he mutters, moving your hair off your face. “Did you manage to eat something today?”
“No. I’m sorry.” You mutter, your voice failing for the first time.
“Don’t do this to me.” His voice comes out pained like yours. He closes his eyes, and his jaw clenches in sadness when he sees the tears start gleaming through your eyes. “Don’t apologize. Don’t cry…” he asks in an almost begging voice.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, love, this is all my fault, it’s-” you catch your breath in your throat and suddenly, you’re falling apart. Days of nothing, weeks of not feeling anything but pain in your chest, despair, panic, and now you’re falling apart in front of him. Your tears stream down your face like overflowing rivers. “It’s my fault.” You say, grabbing handfuls of your hair and tugging your face on your knees. 
Simon feels his own eyes get drenched as he can’t hold his own rivers by seeing you like this. He kneels down to the ground in front of you, pulling your hands from your hair, carefully stopping you from hurting yourself; feels excruciating to him to be able to do nothing.
“It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.” He mutters, and you feel your body moving up. He holds you like you’re lightweight and takes his seat where you were sat at, now, holding you like a baby against his lap. You tuck your face on his chest now, the tears wetting his shirt, your painful voice coming out in low groans of pain, a painful cry of a mother who lost her children. The sad dead eyes of a father who watched this happening and couldn’t do nothing about it. The grief of parents, who didn’t have the chance of raising their children.
“Why? It hurts so much, so much.” You say beneath your cry, your eyes drenched, your face red from all of the crying. His hand is caressing the back of your head as he silently cries.
“I know. I know it hurts.” his voice is almost a blow of the wind, a whisper. “I can’t possibly know how it feels for your, my darling, but it feels bloody excruciating to me, everyday. I miss her all of the time.” He admits, his voice like the one of a kid who just lost its parents. “I miss talking to her, feeling her kick in. I miss her.” 
For the past few days, the two of you seemed to be speaking in foreign languages.
Couldn’t understand each other. Couldn’t comprehend. He was in pain, so were you. None of you could see each other, understand each other. The two of you needed space. The fights, the screaming, his complaints about your refusal to get help and your anger for not feeling understood.
Right now, you feel understood.
Who could understand a grieving mother more, than the kid’s grieving father?
You miss moments that didn’t exist. That didn’t even happen.
You shouldn’t have died without even getting the chance of living. Even if for a day.
“I’d give anything to have a day with her. A fucking day, just one.” You mutter in admission, as you hug in his arms and feel his warmth start to make you calmer by the second. Simon closes his eyes in acknowledgement.
“Me too, darling. And I don’t know what can we possibly do so this hurts any less, but I’m pretty sure we can make it easier if we’re together in this.” He affirms, his hand reaching for your face and washing away your tears. You look at his eyes for the very first time in weeks now. “We face it together.” 
The sky is painted in dark blue now as night approaches and the cold finally starts rising completely. You feel it hitting your skin, as Simon has you in his arms and you hum a low lullaby to the air. He runs his hand across your belly like he somehow tries to heal you from the void you’ve been feeling.
If she feels empty, then I’ll fill her with my own love.
You close your eyes and even though in this terribly uncomfortable position, you feel warm, and you feel cared. You rest. You fall asleep in a matter of seconds
None of you had awakened in time to see the cocoon hatch and the butterfly fly out. But for the past months, for the past years - when you were facing the task of emptying your baby’s room along with Simon, or when you were working - and even in other times, when you’d catch yourself thinking about her, you’d see a blue butterfly flying around you. 
Simon was too skeptical to believe, but even so, he’d always catch every butterfly he’d see, and bring it to you. “Look, who’s coming to visit!”
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bamsara · 1 year
Note
Prompt Drabble: Stitched up wounds 🧵 🩹
Sun-Centric | Wordcount: 1,217 | AO3 Version
You weren't exactly the best coordinated or well organized person. Or maybe you were just super unlucky at times, it would explain all the instances of misfortune you've had, small or big injuries that shouldn't have happened but did so like the universe was just trying to spite you.
So you're not all that surprised when you stick your hand into the murky water of the kitchen sink to start doing the dishes, feel something a little weird, and pull it back out to see a steak knife hanging from the middle of your hand.
You hear Sun dropping the plates behind you on the table before the pain actaully reaches you. "Oh. Uh. Oops."
"Oops? You're 'oopsing' right now?" Sun's form is immediatly to your side, his job of collecting the remaining dishware forgotten as the animatronic grabs your wet wrist. Before he flips over your palm, the knife falls right out of your flesh, bits of blood falling with it, now a dark stain into the dirty water. "Oh, dear. Oh me oh my."
Sun's faceplate turns briefly to the car keys hanging on the hook by the front door, and you're quick to speak up. "We are not going to urgent care for something as small as this. I'm not footing that bill." The animatronic gains a sour look, but you're firm. "Not happening."
A disapproving pause, but the Sun looks back to your hand.
The pain is starting, and your mouth pressing into a line, sucking in a hiss through your teeth as the sting of the water forms a bloody ring around the wound. "Ah, fuck-"
"We told you-" He's tutting at you, flipping your palm upwards and holding it firmly with one hand, the other grabbing a paper towl and dabbing the wetness away. "I think I've told you several times that just throwing knifes into the sink for later was going to bite you!"
"Not my fault!" You flinch as he brings your hand down underneath the faucet, running clean water over the wound, "Knives just have it out for me! Remember that time-" He turns it off, and all but dragging you by the wrist to the bathroom, with your complaining all the while. "-the time with the rabbit?"
"Not a funny joke!" Sun sits you down on the closed toliet seat, a firm press on your shoulders as an unspoken 'stay put', turning on his heel and opening the medicine cabinet up. "Not funny! Very upsetting! And I'll be hearing none of it right now!"
The pain in your hand was spreading, but you're trying to laugh. "C'mon, it's-"
"Oh, would you look at that! It's our good friend, disinfectant!" He pulls the bottle out with purpose, a small first aid in his other hand, and holds it in the air with a tense smile. "Very important to use. Let's make sure that dish water doesn't make anything infected, shall we?"
You cringe in on yourself. "I think I'll be fine with a band-aid."
"Please." The Sun washes his hands, then lowers himself, setting the supplies to the side as he crouches in front of you. He holds your wrist again, turning it over, and the tutting as blood dribbles out from the small wound, sliding off your skin and dripping to the tile. Not the worst injury you've recieved, but definatly an annoyance. "I think you'll need a stitch or two. Maybe three. And wouldn't you know that robots tend to have very steady hands."
You wrinkle your nose as he pulls as he dips the bottle of disinfectant onto a gauze pad, and positions it over the wound. "Said the robot that was programmed to juggle-aUUUghhh Ow! Ow, fucking. Ow."
Sun uses his thumb to press the alcohol pad into your palm with a gentle firmness, and sends you a look when you try to jerk your arm backwards. "We have four arms! Do not make us use them."
"Unfair." You pout, watching as he pulls the gauze away now tainted with a slight color of red. A bead of wetness swells in your eye at the pain. "Mean."
"Hush." He speaks, and sounds like his other half coming in underneath his tone. Sun tosses the gauze, pulling out a small kit with one hand and thumbing away the single tear with the other. "This will hurt a little."
The pain is evident and not leaving soon, and the blood was no longer dribbling down your palm, so you look away as Sun threads the needle with careful percision, (large fingers are not, he does have steady hands) and lines it up carefully. You flinch at the first stitch.
He presses his fingers down onto your wrist, keeping it trapped against your own knee, and uses the thumb of that hand to keep your palm splayed open as the other worked. "Try not to move."
You breathe hotly through your nose. "I'm trying."
"And you're doing a very good job!" He's quick, focused. The wonders of expertise. He's not nervous because he's seen you survive worse, so the habit of speech comes naturally to him. "Good, good. There you go. Open your hand little more." A third stitch, and you groan at the realization you'll need a few more, but Sun keeps going.
"Almost done." Sun comes to the last one. "You're doing very good, sweetheart."
"Shut up." Your face is both hot in embarressment and in painful discomfort.
"Oh, you'd rather we'd be quiet?" Sun's smile is teasing, but comforting. He's probably trying to be distracting on purpose. "Cranky."
You open your mouth to retort, but the final stitch and knot is finished, and you fight to appear stoic at the sensation as Sun wipes the now-closed wound with a disinfected wipe again, pulling out another roll of gauze. "No more dishwashing for you, I'm afriad. You can leave those things to little-ole me!"
He wraps your hand gingerly, covering the cleaned and sutured wound with bandages to protect it's healing. You don't say anything, but you know he glances up every other second or so to see if you wince if the wrapping is too tight. The wrap is finished, a knot on the back of your hand, and you sigh. "I can just put a glove over it."
"How about you not do that?" The animatronic leans back, gathering the left-over supplies and storing them away back into the medical cabinet. You rise to stand, and he stops you before you can brush past him. "Hold on! We're not done here!"
You raise a brow, but you see it coming before he starts. Carefully, grabbing the wrist and not the hand, his takes a hold of the injured one, raising it slowly and gently up to his faceplate, leaning downwards until the bandage barely graces his teeth. "Mwau. It'll heal in no time."
You laugh. "That's so corny!"
"And it works! Scientifically proven!" He chuckles, turning to his side and gesturing for you to walk past him and out of the bathroom like a knight would welcome a charge into their castle. "Now! Dishes away! Not for you though. I ban you to couch duty."
"...What's couch duty?"
He winks at you. "It's the duty you do when you don't do anything."
"....Boo."
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roosterr · 11 months
Text
white flag ✹ ch 2
note: thank you all again for the support on this series im seriously so grateful <3 not sure how to feel abt this part but pls enjoy anyway <3
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pairing: ghost x gn!reader
wc: 3.0k
no use of y/n readers callsign is 'stingray'
summary: the gang goes out to the pub, and against your better judgement you decide to tag along. you end up having far too much to drink and ghost has no choice but to look after you.
warnings: ghost is less mean (but it's still ghost), the usual angst, hurt/comfort, arguing, some ambiguous drunken confessions, mentions of throwing up but i kinda skipped over it
ao3
【prev】 || 【next】
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the relentless buzzing of your phone next to your head wakes you from your slumber. you groan, squinting at the screen to see soap's name on the caller id. you answer and lift the phone up to your ear, rubbing your eyes with the other hand as you pull yourself up to sit.
"hey! where are you?" soap's voice is almost deafening in your ear as soon as you pick up, you have to hold the phone away from you to save your hearing. "y'are still comin', right?" the faint noise of a crowd can be heard in the background, reminding you of what soap's question means.
you check the clock on your phone and wince at the time; it was almost nine, and you were supposed to meet them at the pub at eight.
"ugh," you clear your throat, your voice croaking from having just woken up, "yeah– yeah, i'm coming. just gimme, like, fifteen minutes."
"awright, l.t. said you was still asleep," soap chuckles, clearly amused by your sleep-addled state. you sit up and throw the blankets off your legs, swinging them over the side of the thin mattress and beginning the search for some clean clothes.
you hadn't gotten out of bed all day, opting to stay in your comfy pyjamas and barely leaving the living room except to briefly eat and use the bathroom. after the the disaster that was yesterday, you felt you deserved to have a lazy day for once.
"oh, so he already left without me? why am i not surprised?" you grumble, balancing your phone between your cheek and your shoulder as you pull on some trousers.
"he said he didn't wanna wake you!" soap is half laughing as he replies. you have to hold back your scoff as you put him on speaker and drop the phone onto the coffee table as you quickly put your shirt on.
"yeah, okay." your voice is dripping with sarcasm, and you can't help but roll your eyes, even though he can't see it, "i'll be there, hanging up now, buh-bye."
you just about hear his muffled 'bye!' before you press the red button and shove your phone into your pocket. 
you really didn't feel like being social right now, but maybe being around your friends and letting go is what you need right now. you could just ignore ghost – it's not like it'd be hard, you were fully expecting him to completely avoid you all night. knowing him, he'd probably make you walk home by yourself again.
the walk to the pub is uneventful, thankfully dry, and it takes you twenty minutes instead of fifteen. you feel a little bad for making them wait, but they've been there over an hour already, an extra five wouldn't hurt.
the noise of the crowd hits you as soon as you walk into the old building, and you hope it isn't noticeable the way you frown at the sight of how packed it was. you were feeling even less like socialising now that you were actually here, but it was too late to turn back now. your eyes scan the room, searching for your teammates in the sea of people. you spot a familiar mohawk fairly quickly, and begin pushing your way through the crowd to the booth he and gaz are occupying.
you glance towards the bar and price and ghost both there, too locked in conversation to notice your arrival. you'd have to find price later to say hello.
"sting, you made it!" soap's cheery voice brings you back to the present. he pats your shoulder as you slump into the seat next to him, and gaz slides your usual order across the table to you.
"ordered for you a minute ago." gaz smiles, leaning forward on his elbows, "figured you could use it."
"you're legend, gaz, honestly." you chuckle in response, taking a drawn out sip and relaxing in your seat. as much as you would rather still be in bed right now, you couldn't deny you needed it.
"you okay? you look a bit worse for wear." gaz asks, his gaze turning serious as he takes in your exhaustion.
did you? you hadn't actually looked at your reflection before you left the house, you simply hoped that you didn't look too dishevelled and didn't think twice about it. you suppose the bags under your eyes must be quite heavy after the nosedive your life seems to have taken lately.
"charming, thanks for that." you mutter, teasingly raising your brows at him as you take another sip of your drink.
"sorry, sorry," he and soap both laugh, before he regards you with a more concerned look, "but seriously, you doin' alright?"
"i'm fine, just tired, you know how it is." you dismiss his question with a wave of your hand, hoping he'll drop the subject and you can get started on forgetting about the events of this week. "sorry for being late, by the way."
"make it up to us with another round?" soap wiggles an eyebrow at you, tilting his empty glass at you and nudging your arm. 
"since you asked so nicely," you say with a lighthearted roll of your eyes. they both give you a triumphant 'thanks!' as you slide out of the booth and begin making your way through the crowds of people to the bar.
as you approach, you see ghost standing by himself at the bar, a black surgical mask cover the lower half of his face, and before you can stop yourself your legs are already leading you to the empty spot next to him. as usual he doesn't acknowledge you, but you can't find it in yourself to care through the buzz of the alcohol in your system.
you flag down the bartender and order the drinks for the three of you while adamantly trying to ignore the large presence next to you; you'd barely started on your first drink, but you were going to need more than that to get through this, especially if you and ghost were going to be dancing around each other all night.
the next couple of hours are filled with you downing drink after drink, steadily becoming less and less intelligible as the night progresses. at some point gaz excused himself to go chat with price at the bar, leaving just you and soap at the table. though you couldn't see ghost when you looked over, you had no doubt he was lurking in some shadowy corner somewhere, just watching.
"he's just so…" you wave your hands around, willing johnny to somehow understand your point as the words escape you, "...y'know?"
"do i know?" he laughs, obviously very amused by your drunken state.
"mean! he's rude and uncooperative, and it pisses me off." you groan, pressing your fingers into your temples. venting to someone about ghost was somewhat cathartic for you, even if that someone was his closest friend.
"aye, that's not how you really feel though, is it?" soap raises his brow, that insufferably teasing smirk on his lips as he gives you a light nudge.
"wha–" you gawk, freezing in the motion of downing your drink – you'd lost count of how many you'd had at this point. you narrow your eyes and glare at him, "garrick… he grassed didn't he?"
"you think i needed him to tell me?" soap laughs again, and you feel your cheeks heat up at the thought that you were really that obvious. "but seriously, you should talk to him."
"i should, right? i mean… we live together, it's not unreasonable to ask him to be civil."
"exactly!" he exclaims, making encouraging gestures at you with his hands. "maybe you two can get a bit more than civil," he grins mischievously and wiggles his eyebrows at you, earning an embarrassed groan from you.
"oh, shut up soap." you hiss, gulping down the rest of your drink in one go. "i'm not drunk enough for this…"
after that conversation, your concept of time truly left the building, along with any reservations you had about moderation. eventually you do find time to say hi to price, though you think he was probably laughing at how out of your mind you were rather than the hilarious joke you told him.
you're not sure what time it is when gaz, soap, and the captain track you down to say goodnight, leaving the pub with much more coherency than you when ghost drags you out with him.
the freezing temperature hits you as soon as you step over the threshold, but thankfully there's more than enough alcohol in you to keep you warm.
you started the night fully intending to give ghost the cold shoulder, but that was hours and however many drinks ago; now you were long past the fun part of being wasted and the depressive nature of it all was hitting you hard.
"i wish you– you didn't hate me…" you mutter, dragging your feet as you follow behind ghost. he's not walking as quickly as he did yesterday, but even in your inebriated state you can tell he's making sure to stay ahead of you.
"i don't." he replies dismissively, evoking an exasperated, albeit rather dramatic sigh from you. of course he was going to argue about it, owning up and apologising would be far too mature.
"y–" you hiccup, "yeah you do," frustration lacing your voice. you slow your pace until you completely stop walking, staring at the back of his head with narrowed eyes.
"i don't hate you, sting." he sighs, half turning his body to look at you. "come on, keep walkin'." he gestures with his head.
"ugh…" you groan, but comply and stumble forward catch up to him again "then why're you such a fuckin' prick all the time?" you glare at the side of his masked face now that you're walking next to him.
he says nothing, doesn't even look at you. if you didn't know any better, you would doubt he even heard your question.
"i don't hate you, y'know…" you mumble,  crossing your arms over your chest. "even though you're so– so horrible to me all the time." the urge to cry overwhelms you, your eyes falling to your boots as you shuffle along.
"i'm n–"
"you are!" you interrupt, throwing your arms out to the side and stopping in your tracks again. "every day you say shit to me, i don't– i don't get it! i don't know what to do…" you sniffle, dragging a hand over your face and taking a wobbly step backwards, away from ghost. "why can't you just be nice? like everyone else?"
the night air is cold, and so tense you can almost feel it. ghost's hands curl into tight fists by his sides as he stares you down. 
"i'm your lieutenant, sting, not your mate." he states it like a common fact as he reaches an arm out to you, stepping towards you. "you're drunk, come here."
you don't let him get close, however, and take another few steps backwards. "but you're friends with soap, and gaz, and even the captain!" your eyes well up with tears, and despite your best efforts to stop them, you feel the hot sting of them rolling down your cheeks. "what did i do wrong? why can't you like me too?"
again, he does nothing but stare at you. he blinks once, then twice, in what you might call shock – if you could see his face through the way the world spins around you.
"i like you!" you cry. "i always have, and you– you don't have to like me back, but please," you close your eyes in an attempt to alleviate your sudden dizziness, "just stop being such a dickhead to me! you make my life so difficult, and– and miserable!"
"sting…" ghost mutters, watching as you crouch down on the pavement with your head in your hands. he steps closer again, reaching a hand out to awkwardly pat your shoulder. "is that why you got yourself hammered tonight?"
"yes!" you whine through your tears, your head still swimming and causing you to sway slightly. "like you care!"
"listen," he begins, but you quickly cut him off by lurching forward onto your hands and knees on the harsh pavement.
"i'm gonna throw up–"
✹✹✹
"i'm sorry," you blubber, feeling rather pathetic where you're slumped next to the toilet, "please don't kick me out," tears still fall into your lap, but you gave up wiping them away a while ago.
"what?" ghost mutters from next to you. his calloused hands were keeping you upright from where he's crouched beside you on the bathroom tile. "why the fuck would i kick you out?"
"be– because i'm annoying, a– and you hate me…"
he sighs, "do you really think that lowly of me? how many times have i gotta say it before it gets through your thick skull?" he gently raps his knuckles against your forehead, "i. don't. hate you."
when you only sniffle in response, he sighs again before shifting to sit with his back against the bath next to you.
"well you could've fooled me…" you mutter, letting yourself lean against his side when the effort of keeping yourself up gets too much. you feel him flinch slightly and tense underneath you, but he doesn't move.
"i'm not good with…" he pinches the bridge of his nose, his head tilted downwards and his eyes squeezed shut. "i'm not kickin' you out, alright? no matter how much you piss me off." he pauses, and all you can do is watch him with your mouth slightly agape; this is the most he's ever said to you in one go since you met all those months ago. "and i shouldn't have run off last night. i just… i didn't realise you actually wanted to be friends… with me."
"bu…" your voice trails off, train of thought completely abandoned when he looks over and meets your gaze with his rich brown eyes.
"you're… you– i, er…" his eyes dart away from yours, finding a spot on the wall behind you to stare intently at. a sudden wave of exhaustion floods your senses, dropping your head onto his shoulder and allowing your eyes to fall closed, interrupting whatever thought he was trying to articulate. "fuckin' hell, alright… you're drunk, let's just get you to bed, eh?" his voice is just about audible as he manoeuvres your arm over his shoulders and lifts you to stand with practically no input from you.
he all but drags you out of the bathroom, and if you had any shred of coherency left within you you'd be mortified that he had to take care of you like this, but that's something for you to deal with in the morning.
you're pulled into the the living room where ghost drops you rather unceremoniously onto the sofa-bed, tugging the blankets from underneath you and settling them on top of your already half asleep form.
"night ghosty…" your sigh is muffled with your face buried into the pillow, but he pauses in the doorway when he hears it.
"goodnight, sting." he mumbles, before quietly shutting the door and letting you drift to sleep.
you wake up the next morning – or rather afternoon, since it was already one o'clock – with an absolutely splitting headache. it was expected, obviously, but it didn't stop you whining in pain as you sat up and clutched your head. how much did you end up drinking last night?
last night. right. it was all coming back to you now. you'd cried at ghost again, for the second night running, and even though he said he wasn't kicking you out, you would seriously prefer living on the streets to facing him right now.
you reluctantly emerge from the living room and squint at the bright daylight, groaning pitifully when your head pulses. maybe you should save yourself the trouble and just go back to sleep.
"so, you survived the night." ghost's voice calls from the kitchen, sounding incredibly unimpressed. you cringe at his words, naively hoping that he'd pretend the night before didn't happen like you so desperately wanted to.
"did i?" you grumble, walking through the doorway to find him sitting at the kitchen table, clad in his usual balaclava. you lean against the counter and massage your temples, "feel like i've been shot…"
"maybe you'll keep your head on straight next time. i don't want a repeat of that."
you purse your lips. "right…" you mutter, no energy left in you to come up with a retort.
"i had to drag you home, cryin' your eyes out." he gets up as he speaks, grabbing his cup and skirting around you to place it in the sink. he keeps his distance, but you see him watching you from the corner of your eye. "anyone would'a thought i was kidnappin' you."
"oh god…" you bury your face in your hands, your face heating up with the humiliation of the memory, "i'm sorry,"
"s'alright." he mumbles, still opting to gaze out of the window rather than meet your eyes. you blink in surprise at his short dismissal, but before you can formulate a response, he speaks again. "have a shower, sting. you stink."
you open your mouth to argue, but quickly forget about that idea. he was right, of course. without another word, you scurry out of the kitchen and lock yourself in the bathroom. you drag your hand over your face, willing the floor to just swallow you whole already.
you might as well have just died in your sleep, because you can't see ghost letting you live any of this down for as long as you live; though, as you stand there contemplating fleeing the country, you notice that he hadn't been nearly as pissed as you'd expected him to be this morning. you'd anticipated him grilling you about how careless you'd been and how irresponsible it was to drink that much, but the light teasing you'd endured just now felt more like the kind of banter you witnessed between him and soap, or gaz.
you can't help the giddy smile that overtakes you, your killer hangover nearly forgotten in favour of the thought of him finally letting you get close to him.
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taglist: @sofasoap , @siilvan , @mockerycrow , @i-love-ghost , @projectdreamwalker , @achelois-is-here , @adamsloverboy , @thatchickwiththecamera , @chickensandwich69 , @batmanunicorns523 , @tiny-kasper , @dezibou , @pampeop , @cumbermovels , @goth-boi-atlas , @berryjuicyy , @guiltgoreglory , @postmodernrevolutionist , @ghostlythots , @untoldshortsofthefandoms , @isseisslvt , @prodyng , @neteyamsb1tch , @delilah-grimes , @sunflowerqueen1416 , @luvssemma , @ghostslittlegf , @imonmykneessir , @dimitriene , @kenz-ee , @eistro-phobia , @rzmarona , @alanalanalanalanalanna , @dommmymommy , @carolelacroix , @1234ilikecowsthanyoumore , @cathnoneofyourbusiness , @madsothree , @geisterfvhrer , @lazyninjaphilosopher , @aliilium , @koi-feish , @chaoticgoblindev
if your name is crossed out, i can't tag you for whatever reason, sorry!
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formosusiniquis · 21 days
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have your cake
So way back in August 2023 the steddiemicrofic challenge was Cake and 311 words, my head empty brain came up with one thought and it was Steve Munson having a bakery called Mun's Buns and so many months later I finally got around to finishing my vision
Ships: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson; Tommy Hagan/Carol Perkins; implied/past Tommy Hagan/Steve Harrington/Carol Perkins WC: 6408 | T | tags: Future Fic, the lightest of post homoerotic friendship breakup angst, fluff, Tommy POV AO3
The bakery has a stupid name, is the first thing Tommy thinks when Carol tells him where he's supposed to meet her on his lunch break. He’s still thinking that, when he sees the place for the first time through his rain speckled windshield. It's a modest storefront, small for what Carol says is a booming business, tucked in next to a used bookstore and a music shop. There's a baby yellow awning hanging from the front just underneath a sign lettered in soft blue that reads Mun's Buns.
He's late, is the second thing he thinks after pulling up. Caught up in some stupid bullshit for his dad he hadn't managed to slip away until 12:30. Even then it had only been because Tommy had told him he was going to be late for their cake tasting. He'd rolled his eyes when his father and Greg, a guy that Tommy only considers a co-worker in the sense that they are technically on the same payroll since Greg in every other aspect is incompetent and an idiot, had winced. Shooing him away like a kid who'd just admitted that he's already twenty minutes past curfew. But catching sight of the way Carol has her arms crossed, tapping her foot fast enough to kickstart a motor, while her hair hangs limp in a way that it hadn’t this morning a third thought crosses his mind: maybe he should have been a little more worried.
Waiting isn’t going to make things any better. So he steps out of the car, let’s the misty damp cling to him in a way that makes his dress pants and button down feel like a poorly tailored second skin, and takes his licks like a man. "Late, thirty minutes late. Christ, it's the only thing I've asked from you Tommy." Her right hook stings just as badly as it did sophomore year when she punched him for asking out Erin Murphy instead of her.
Shit like that is probably why no one expected them to make it this long or this far.
When they went away to college; different schools, hours apart. His parents had been gleeful as they'd warned him that high school relationships didn't always last. That he should keep his options open, he didn't want to miss out on the love of his life just because of comfort. He didn't get offered the family ring when he decided to propose right after graduation. Carol has always been particular. Wanted the house to come back to before the wedding could happen, wanted a long honeymoon. That meant saving, a lot of it. Tommy knew and Carol did too, they'd overheard his mother and aunt gossiping in too loud voices after too much wine that they hoped the long engagement meant they were both trying to figure out a good way to break it off with one another. 
Still, over the course of their now five year engagement no one's asked once if they wanted to trade for it.
Carol thought it was horrendous anyway. She’d had her ring picked out since ‘85, styled her class ring so it would look like the oval cut diamond she wanted. Had him slide it on her finger the second it came in.
Cause in the politest of terms, Carol could be a raging bitch. She was Tommy's favorite person in the entire world.
There’s going to be a bruise on his shoulder tomorrow, even if she’s guiltily smoothing a hand down his arm now. Thrust toward the door first in offering, Carol is sorry she hit him but she’s not apologetic. “I’m serious, Tom, if we lose this appointment and have to go with Sweet Treats for our cake I'll- I'll-"
Whatever threat she was preparing is drowned out and then cut off by the echoing TONG of the door chime. A light in the back shifts color for a second, out of place enough that he wonders if he even really saw it. Head tilting toward Carol, his question catches in his throat when he notices her pinched off appraising. Better not to add to the ammunition she might already be building.
And if Carol is looking he better do it too. She'll want to debrief when they're having dinner tonight, just like they did with the florist, the caterer, the three wedding planners they'd met with, and each of the venues that they'd visited. And it wasnt because she was demanding, fuck you Greg. It wasn't because she was being nitpick-y, alright it was a little bit because she was but he liked being particular with her. He liked being involved in his wedding.
So he looked around.
The way they utilized their space -- a building that big and there's barely enough room to stand, we want someone who knows how to work with limited space for the venues we're looking at -- was the reason their first wedding planner hadn't gotten hired. Small, but not cramped. There are a handful of tables scattered in the open space in front of the counter. It’s the kind of small town cozy that Hawkins had tried for and he doesn’t see very often anymore now that they’ve moved out to Indianapolis.
It’s lunchtime, still too early for people to be seeking out the rows of deserts in their neat glass counter and too late for the breakfast crowd. But one of the tables is occupied by a teenager with long, black braids scribbling in a notebook while a slice of ice cream cake melts on a plate by her elbow. 
Everything was neat, organized, and compliant with health code regulations -- they hadn’t even made it in the door of the first caterer’s when she noticed a trail of ants and roaches marching into the open kitchen door.
Carol had always been quick when she was making up her mind about something. Like those Sherlock Holmes stories they’d had to read in school, in a couple of seconds she could spot everything she needed to make a decision. After a decade Tommy still couldn’t keep up; but he was always best at following someone else’s lead.
The smile she’s got frosted across her face is as sugary and fake as the roses on the cupcakes he can see behind the low topped counters as she approaches the only visible staff member. A girl, young in the way that nebulous way anyone younger than him was now, with thick squared glasses that magnified two distressingly blue eyes. The counters looked like they were designed to sit low enough that she could easily see over the top while in her wheelchair.
“Welcome to,” her customer service tone borders on bored. Two words into a clear script and she sighs, as if saying the name physically pains her, “Mun’s Buns. We’ve got a special series of summer flavors: Strawberry Lemonade, Lavender Mint, Chocolate Fudgsicle, and,” she sighs again, “for the grownups a boozy Blue Moon with orange zest.”
“How about a wedding cake.” He’s impressed. Carol made it through the speech without interrupting.
“Do you have an appointment?” the girl raises her voice, enough to make them both flinch back. Customer service isn’t a requirement for this part of the job necessarily, but Carol had bailed on two venues because the staff hadn’t been polite enough.
Her smile doesn’t crack though, “Yes.”
Even though he’s pretty sure this girl has to be basically blind with the inch thick frames, she levels Carol with a lethal stare. “Not you.”
From the open entryway behind her Tommy had been able to make out what sounded like the highlights of yesterday’s game. He assumed that space had to be the kitchen where these rows of deserts were made. He’s still surprised when a guy’s voice is shouting back, “I don't know, Max, do I? Why don't you check?”
“How am I supposed to do that?” Max shouts back, glowering at then in stand in for her mystery boss.
“With your finger, asshole. It's in braille. When I gave you this job you said you were actually gonna work.”
“Douchebag." Her eyes never leave them, while her hands rummage around in a space beneath the counter where the cash register sits. Max offers no explanation or apology for her shouting or for her boss. A large red appointment book gets slammed down on the nearest counter, making Carol jump but the neat two by twos of chocolate frosted cupcakes don't budge. He watches, a little fascinated by the way her finger scans the page before slowing. "Did you write this or did Dustin?"
Carol has always valued gossip over professionalism, he thinks that’s why she’s done so well as a hairdresser even though she was always awful at chemistry. It’s also why he’s held off from pointing out that they could solve this a lot faster if this guy would come out from the back. "Why?" 
“Cause one of you can't spell and one of you is trying to invent braille shorthand. So I'm not really sure what to do with TomGan Wed.”
“It might be Thomas and Wedding.” Carol leans over the appointment book as she says it, using a tone of voice he has never once heard her use in the entire time he’s known her. He thinks it’s supposed to be helpful.
“Wedding sampler.” The girl calls toward the back, “It's getting late.”
“I’ve got it,” the voice from the back shouts back.There’s an effortless assurance Tommy can hear from where he’s standing. It hits him with a wave of nostalgia so strong he grabs Carol’s arm on instinct.
“Really,” she says, cutting her gaze over to him. He’s not sure what she sees. “If we could hurry this along, it's just we've only got an hour.”
“You're late.” The glare she gets shuts Carol down faster than he’s ever seen.
“Right.”
“Okay I've got it.” The voice from the back is now the voice in the doorway. Hidden for a second by a serving tray loaded with samples of rich looking cake, it’s the first time since arriving that Tommy has actually wanted to be here. Not just because he can make out strong shoulders and a body of a man that’s still very fit but clearly enjoys his work too; the hint of love handles above strong thighs. Only then that tray dips, and for the first time since 1985 Tommy finds himself looking at the shocked hazel eyes of Steve Harrington. “Oh.”
Carol reacts for him, taking in a breath sharp enough she might puncture a lung. They’ll both wind up suffocated on the floor of this stupid bakery with an awful name, because Tommy can’t manage to breathe at all looking at Steve. Still unfairly handsome, faintly pink at the shock of seeing them too he imagined.
His hair is long, is the first real thought his half fried brain manages to put together. Soft looking even where it’s damp at the temples where sweat has pooled. He has it pulled back with a couple of the same butterfly clips that Carol likes to use.
His second, somehow more hysterical thought: this wasn’t how Steve Harrington was supposed to be included in his wedding.
Tommy was six years old and knew he wanted to marry Steve. When he’d told his mom -- to ask for her ring, Steve thought it was romantic like princes and princesses that they had a special ring that they got married with -- she’d grabbed by his arm so hard it’d left finger shaped bruises. So he’d held that certainty quiet in his heart until he was ten, and suddenly it was okay to want to play with girls on the playground -- he thinks it’s because Steve got tired of there never being an even number when they tried to play kickball, he had a way of making everyone want to do the thing he was. Carol wasn’t afraid to tell Tommy C. that he was dumb or to tell Mark L. that he hadn’t actually made it to the base, Steve liked her fast. Too fast, and Tommy had to tell her that one day he was going to be able to keep Steve all to himself. But he knew that it wasn’t right to say that now, even if he wasn’t all the way sure why it wasn’t. He was ten, but he would be eleven soon, and he took this part of him that he’d kept secret for so long and he whispered it to Carol under the slide while Steve tried to convince Brad P. that he could too pick two people for his kickball team first.
He was ten and Carol said they could share. Boys can’t marry boys, but girls can. So they could both marry her and live together forever.
It became a joke when they finally shared it with Steve, thirteen and boys going out with girls wasn’t funny the way it used to be. Sarah Jane asked Carol if she had a chance at going steady with Steve. She told Tommy about it later and they both told Steve that he was too good to date any of the girls in their grade. “Well I’ve got you guys,” his voice cracked when he said it, throwing an arm around both of them. Carol didn’t care as much, but even she’d noticed the way Steve was changing from boyish to handsome.
They were sixteen and disaster was just around the corner, not that he knew that. Steve dated around but he always came back to them. The head, the heart, the body. They don’t feel complete without each other -- at least Tommy doesn’t. Mr. Kripke, who was hungover more often than he wasn't, passed out ten minutes into study hall. Carol didn’t even wait to see if he’d wake back up before she left her assigned table for theirs. She smoothed out a lined piece of notebook paper for them, and Tommy scoffed like he was supposed to. “Aren’t we a little old to be playing MASH?”
“It’s dirty MASH, and I thought you’d think it was funny.”
“I think it’s funny,” Steve had said, “that you’re getting eiffel towered on your wedding night. Who else is joining in, Carrie?”
“We couldn’t agree on who got you for their side of the aisle. So we’re taking you to bed instead.”
He was sixteen and the way that the two of them looked when they shared a joke was the hottest thing in the world. The way their smiles mirror when they turned to him, sharp and ready to flay open the softest parts of him.
Tommy’s two days older when Steve lets him kiss the taste of Carol out of his mouth.
It was three days after he turned seventeen and he had to pretend he didn't want to die when he saw how Steve looked at Nancy Wheeler. Like he didn’t want to rip his hair out because Steve was fucking infatuated with this mousy little teacher’s pet and wouldn’t even look at him anymore.
He still doesn’t like to think about the breakup. He pokes it like a fresh bruise. Less often now, but when he does he digs his fingers in. Baits Carol into fights he doesn’t mean just so he can pretend like he hasn’t lost something that hurts like a limb.
Steve Harrington turns twenty-eight next week, and he’s standing in front of them both holding pieces of what might turn into their wedding cake.
“Wow I can’t believe you’re in Indy!” False excitement grates, but at least Carol has gotten herself together enough to speak. He thought he’d have at least another few months to prepare for the thought of seeing Steve, by their ten year reunion he was going to be married and happy and over it.
“Yeah, this is- Married, wow! I kinda can’t believe you haven’t already.” He says it to Carol, his platitudes had always been for Carol, but his eyes find Tommy. 
While Carol chatters at them and for them both, nervous, he knows she’s nervous. The situation is sudden and strange and fraught. But Tommy just looks at Steve, who looks at him. He’s getting married in three months, one week, and two days from now and for the first time in eleven years Steve is looking at him.
"Takes a while to save up for when you want the best of everything. Dad's still the skinflint he always was, I think he'd pay me less than minimum wage if he could get away with it."
And those soft brown eyes look so sad, looking at him. Sometimes he thinks no one will ever understand him the way that Steve did.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting the best, or having a long engagement." Carol defends. It's the same line she's been giving everyone. Defensive of him and herself and the choices they've been making. He can't believe Steve is someone she thinks they have to defend against.
“I really hope you're happy, man," he says, and the sincerity is a balm on the sting of this conversation. He pushes his hair back from his face, the way he always has when he's uncomfortable and trying not to make it obvious. And there's a fresh new hurt when Tommy catches sight of a plain gold band on Steve's finger, shining bright between the golden highlights of his hair.
“I’m happy about this,” he can say honestly. Carol is one of the only things he’s ever been sure about. She held him steady as she could when his other sure thing left him with a cracked foundation in a convenience store parking lot. “What about you? How long after meeting the future Mrs. Harrington did you wait to put a ring on her finger?”
“Tommy,” Carol chides as the teen in the corner snorts. To anyone else it would sound like a reprimand for being nosy, he, and he suspects Steve, knows she’s telling him to stop worrying a scab that has no hope of healing right.
Married and they didn’t know. Wouldn’t have found out until the reunion. It’s not like he expected an invitation, maybe an engagement announcement sent to their parents’ houses. They’d sent one to Loch Nora when the real ring had finally made it to Carrie’s finger. It was equal parts olive branch and offering. They’d gotten it back return to sender with no forwarding address.
The bell above the door tongs again, loud enough to make Carol jump. The platter of cakes doesn't shift at all in Steve’s hand. His arm shows no sign of fatigue. It’s almost distracting enough that he misses the obvious. The bell signals someone is coming into the store.
“Sorry, Sweetheart. I know I said I wasn't gonna be late but Mike…” There just inside the door is the Freak. Undeniable even with his head down as he digs through his shoulder bag. From the riot of poorly maintained tangles that still hang around his shoulders to the expanded mess of tacky ink on his arms. The only thing that’s changed is the age in his face and the band on his shirt.
“Munson?” Carol has the reflexes and the personal grace to address him first. Shock more than the disgust it might have been when they were still kids.
Tommy feels like a kid still. Looks to Steve in an instinct he’d thought he’d stamped out years ago, only to be met with wide eyes and teeth grit tight enough to draw out the square line of his jaw.
“Christ, I still get nightmares that start like this.” Munson says, eye darting between the three of them. “Max, am I naked?”
“Don't know, don't wanna know.”
“I thought you'd be able to tell by the energy in the room.” He wiggles his fingers, still bedecked in silver, like they can divine the vibrations or some witchy shit.
That’s enough to make Steve break just a little. A soft, exhaling scoff before he finally starts to move out from the counter. Tommy catches, and he doubts Carol misses it either, how Steve passes the closer tables to set his tray down between them and Munson.
“I can tell I don't want to be here for this.” Their redheaded audience member says, “I'm taking my 15.”
“Don't go harass Mike, he's finally working,” Munson says.
“Will and El are on shift on the other side,” Steve calls out, not looking at any of them as he moves cakes from his tray to the table. A deliberate selection he seems to be making.
“Whatever, I’m gonna call Lucas and break up with him so he can play better or whatever.”
“Don’t be too harsh,” Munson calls out, “I’ve only got him on a five point spread.”
If Carol’s nails break from how hard they’re digging into his arm, somehow it’ll be Tommy’s fault. Not the fact that they’ve advanced the worst part of their ten year reunion by months, and also Munson is here and knows shit about basketball.
“Sorry, think my hearing’s going, sounded like you said you want him to lose and he’s getting kicked from the next one shot. I’ll let him know.”
“She gets that from you,” Steve and Munson say in sync. Glaring playfully at one another the way Steve used to with Carol.
“I’ll tell Robin you were-”
“Do not sick Buckley on me, Max made the deaf joke not me.”
“Weird, that’s not what I heard.” Steve has always claimed his hair as his best feature. It isn’t -- Carrie liked his eyes, Tommy his hands -- but it’s hard to deny that it doesn’t look good, flipping over his shoulder. His smile is private, just for Munson, soft the way he got whenever he picked up a new girl. Carrie taps the back of his hand, two sharp smacks, their signal for years that he needed to pay attention and notice something she had. Wide, nervous eyes dart to Steve -- like he hadn’t already been looking at Steve -- so he does his best to assess the way Carol would.
Jealous, viciously, Steve had been theirs in every way that mattered since they were ten years old and Carol had never liked sharing her toys with anyone but them. She watched his face for any sign of unhappiness anytime a new girlfriend came along, and when she found one she passed it along to him. So he could pick and joke until Steve was all theirs again.
So he checked the face. Tried to ignore the way Steve was lit up from the inside out with a joy he could barely remember, and then he saw the hearing aid.
He tapped back, three times. O.M.G.
“The 1985 Homecoming court here to reveal that this has all been a long con, Stevie?”
“Yeah I faked the name change paperwork and picked up a fake ID, sorry I took my business somewhere else.” Steve says it with the sincerity he’s always made those kind of jokes with, his strange sense of humor never coming across when he always sounded so serious. 
Munson gets it though, snorts loud and ugly, before a smile pulls wide across half his face the otherside taught with a gnarly scar. “Now I know why my fake ID business went belly up when we got to the city, not like I only sold three in high school.”  He gestures to the three of them in a wide arc.
Sophomores, they had decided it was time to throw their first real party now that Steve’s parents had moved out of Hawkins in all but name. Steve was a latchkey kid of new proportions and took to self sufficiency in a way that had seemed adult to him then; and in hindsight looked more like a child fighting for his life. Steve bragged how he’d been saving up the weekly checks they’d sent to ‘sustain him’ while they worked in the city during the week. His contribution to Tommy and Carol’s vague plan to throw a kegger by the pool. When they’d floundered, immediately, with the hows, Steve had been the one to suggest going to Munson.
“Love this preview of the reunion,” Carol cuts in, there’s no bite but Munson bristles anyway like she’s being rude for reminding them that there are customers present. “Steve?”
It’s funny, Tommy thinks, the way Steve still straightens his back at Carol’s tone. All this time and he can’t fight the old ingrained instincts either.
“Dustin made the appointment,” Steve apologizes, even as he’s posture perfect and preparing his pastries. The unsaid, ‘I definitely wouldn’t have’ doesn’t go unheard and it doesn’t sting any less even this far from their last interaction.
“Munson could join us,” Tommy offers, a new olive branch since their last one was never seen. Even if it does raise three sets of brows and makes Carrie’s nervous smile tighten even more in the corner of her mouth.
“Well at least one of us has to,” Munson, Eddie, says. Just says, tone like it was meant to be something said under his breath.
He's grown up a lot since high school, they both have. Still, he's only got twenty minutes left on his lunch break and it's been a long day. "God, is that why it's called that?" Growth, he doesn't say that Steve Munson sounds a lot dumber than Steve Harrington.
"It's charming," Carol and Steve both say. Though Carrie is definitely lying and Steve barely gets it out from between his gritted teeth, a sore spot. He's always been good at finding Steve's bruises.
"It's charming," Tommy agrees, like he always did when he was out voted.
Eddie has a smirk spread across his face and a ‘too proud of himself’ look in his eyes. Mouth open to make some quip that Tommy is going to pretend is funny, for Steve’s sake. Now that they’re here, he’s going to do something to show that they could talk to one another again. Steve clicks his tongue, taps his index and middle finger down to his thumb two quick times before he can.
He turns to the girl in the corner, "Erica, scram, go help Robin and the kids with the new donation that just came in."
The teen continues to scribble in the notebook in front of her, bulky headphones over her ears, she makes no sign that Tommy can see that she's heard Steve speak. "Erica, go, or I'll tell your mother you moved out of the dorms. You're 20, it's not child labor, and you've got a timecard."
She sighs and wordlessly packs up her things, she gives Steve a scathing look that takes Tommy back to high school. The withering eyebrow and rolled eyes would have been just at home on Steve’s own face in 1985, but she marches behind the counter, the sound of her dish rattling in the sink before she disappears out the same door that the redhead had gone out.
Now that the room has been cleared, an awkward silence has found the space to squeeze in. Munson, the original, still standing in the doorway and Steve standing between his unlawfully wedded husband and the two people who had lost their chance at him years ago.
The wedding and the reunion both on the horizon had dredged up a nostalgia that Tommy and Carol had been dealing with in their own ways. Dredging up old yearbooks, Carol had found a shoebox of old notes that she’d kept. Conversations written in three different inks by three different hands, nonsensical after all this time. Tommy woke up from dreams that he hadn’t had in years. Always of Steve and Carol, a study in opposites, but similar where it mattered.
“Well,” Steve says, taking charge of the situation like he always would when the other two faltered, “you’re here for a reason. We might as well get started on it.”
Steve’s fingerprints are still on them, just like he’d noticed theirs on him, molded as they were together. They’ve always bowed to his expectations, and his whims. When he ushers them to the table with a spread hand, Tommy and Carol go where they’re beckoned.
And so does Munson.
They keep an empty chair between them, an artificial divide for Tommy’s sanity, but with the sprawl of Munson’s legs their knees still occasionally brush together. Carol had taken the spot closest to Steve, who has stayed standing. He is their gracious host, marking the head of the round table.
“I pulled out the full sampler before I realized it was you,” Steve says. Even with as off balance as the interaction has felt, Tommy doesn’t feel his hackles raising. While it’s possible he’s gotten more subtle with his digs, Steve’s vicious tongue was usually unmistakable. “I can tell you about as many of them as you want though if you want to pretend like we don’t already know what I’ll be making you. I’m sure neither of you have eaten lunch yet.”
“You are going to take us on?” Carol asks. Shock always gives her tone an extra edge, defensive and catty, even if she’s really just waiting to see if another shoe will drop.
“Obviously,” Steve says, placing a faintly orange square of cake in front of her. He slaps Eddie’s hand away from another piece without looking away from either of them. “That’s as far as I’ll be going in participation though.”
He doesn’t miss the way Steve’s mouth twitches up with the joke, a filthy smirk that leaves Tommy flushing hot. Too warm to not be a bright and obvious red at the acknowledgment of that old private in-joke.
It doesn’t get better when Carol moans, “Oh my god, Steve!” Even if it is about the cake.
He laughs, and Tommy suspects the two are actually trying to kill him. He chances a glance over at Munson who looks like he doesn’t care at all that his husband has made Tommy’s fiance moan. He is watching Tommy though, an inquisitive look like the one Carol gets when she happens to catch a nature documentary.
“Yeah,” Steve agrees with Carol, “I’ll do something small with that citrus cake for you and Tom so you’ve got something you’ll actually eat on your wedding, maybe a pineapple buttercream on top like that nasty Juicy Fruit gum you like so much.”
“I mean it’s really crazy how you’re so good at this when you’ve never had any taste,” Carol compliments, she never did learn how to be nice.
He could probably count Steve’s teeth in the answering smile. Tommy can feel it like an ache in his chest how much he missed this. He snatches another cube of cake off the tray just so has something else to focus on.
“That’s the fancy one for the people who hate their guests,” Munson says as the cake has settled on the flat of Tommy’s tongue.
“It’s lavender,” Steve corrects, and the floral flavor is lodged in the back of his throat at least gives him a reason now to feel so choked up. “And it is for a particular sort of bride.”
“Are you saying I’m not fancy and particular, Munson?” Carol asks. 
She’s obviously talking to Eddie Munson, who lifts his hands up in answer. But it’s Steve who says, “If you tried to feed that to Gail she would leave the reception bitching the whole time.”
“Well go on,” Tommy finds himself goading now that he’s swallowed, “finish calling your shot, Stevie. You said you knew what we were walking out of here with.”
Carol reaches across the table, locking eyes with Eddie as she snags the piece closest to him. The one his fingers had been inching toward like he thought Steve wouldn’t notice him trying to take it.
“I’ll make a small citrus cake for you, Carrie, we’ll hide it in the back of the larger cake so you can get the pictures of you cutting it and smashing into each other's faces-”
“We will not be doing that,” she interrupts, the warning for him and also unnecessary. He already knows how she feels about being embarrassed in public.
“Then the big cake for your guests will be a chocolate cake, I can cover it in a buttercream or a fondant icing also chocolate, because it’s the only kind of cake the Hagan family will eat. Even though I’m sure John hasn’t given you a dime for the wedding, he’ll complain until Hannah gets married if he doesn’t like the cake.”
“Really,” Steve continues, “the only thing up in the air is how many people you were able to get away with not inviting, Care.”
The two of them start talking actual wedding logistics, and as Tommy grabs another bite of cake -- this one looks like it might be a normal flavor -- he figures the real show of good faith would be talking to the only other person at the table while he eats what Steve correctly dubbed his lunch.
“Y’know he never actually answered me,” he says in an undertone.
Munson seems surprised at being spoken to, only widens his eyes in response to Tommy’s unasked question.
“I asked Steve how soon after the first date he proposed, he never actually answered.”
Eddie softens at the edges before he can even say anything. Steve had a way of doing that, bringing out the romantic in a person. He loved with a passion that demanded it be matched. “Technically I proposed to him, but he says it doesn’t count because we weren’t together and I was high on morphine after a major surgery and thought he was Apollo, come to whisk me away.” The smile on Munson’s face looks dopey and drugged up now, like the very memory of whatever hospital stay is so ingrained in his mind he can feel the high now.
“But,” he goes on, “he told me we were getting married whether it was legal or not about three months after he got legally married to another woman.”
“Stop,” Steve has always been able to sense when he’s about to be the butt of the joke. He has a finger pointed at Eddie like a teacher delivering a lecture. “You can’t tell people that. It was for tax reasons, I’m not cheating on my wife.”
“You say tomato, I say whichever one of us is your least favorite has to be the extramarital affair.”
“I say, you’re the most obnoxious person I’ve ever met.” Tommy can hear the warm affection behind the insult, the way their picking is a safer way to express their passion for one another.
He thought he would be jealous of whoever finally managed to reel in Steve Harrington for good, and he is. The emotion is there, present in the snarling tangle of emotions that this encounter has left in him. One that he and Carol will have to slowly tease and pick out tonight when they’re home in bed. Trying to make sense of what each thread is and what it means for them. But the one bright pulsing thread he can make sense of is happiness. He’s happy for Steve, happy that he gets to see an old friend so at ease and obviously cared for.
And he’s sad that his time is up, his lunch hour so close to an end he’ll be late getting back to the office. Something he can already hear his Dad and fucking Greg giving him shit for. Which means they have to end their time here.
Steve walks them to the door, flips the sign to mark them closed for lunch.
“Congratulations again, you two,” he says, “I really am happy I can get to be a part of this with you all. Even if it’s a little different than we used to imagine.”
Carol reaches out for the both of them, puts her hand on his arm. Tommy finds that he’s the one who actually says, “We’re glad you found someone who makes you this happy, dude. You deserve it.”
“Yeah, he’s alright most of the time.” It's said with such fondness it becomes a declaration. It’s hard to imagine how they thought they could ever be the something that could make Steve this happy. But maybe in a different life, under different circumstances it could have been.
There’s a minute where they all stand in the doorway. He wonders if they’re all afraid that this might be the last time they see each other, speak to one another, until Steve is delivering the cake on the day of the wedding. Maybe it’s just him, he was the one who pushed back the hardest after things ended.
Someone finally gives in and pushes the door open. It’s TONG a death toll for their current conversation. But it also sends a jolt through Steve, he straightens to his full height like a shock has gone through him. “Here,” he says, “here, um.” He digs around in his apron until he finds a pen and a receipt pad. Jots down something before tearing it off and putting it in Tommy’s hands, “It's our home number, in case you have any cake emergencies or something.”
They really can’t stay any longer.
Carol takes the note, better at keeping track of these things than Tommy is. It’s hard to know if they’ll actually use it, maybe after they talk about it, but if they do she’ll be the one to do it. She’s always been braver than him.
There’s no way of guaranteeing anything but the fact that they’ll have a cake on the table on their wedding day. But he hopes that Steve might stay for the ceremony once he brings it, he can even bring Eddie if that’s what gets him there. 
Alone in his car, Tommy lets himself take a minute to think about Steve Harrington one last time. He isn’t going to get what he wanted as a kid. Doubts that he’ll ever be as close to Steve as he’d been in childhood, too much time has passed and too much has changed.
But there’s an opportunity to get to know Steve Munson, and he isn't going to pass it up. Even if he doesn’t know how to name a bakery.
104 notes · View notes
acewithapaintbrush · 8 months
Text
This is now on Ao3 we well
Shanks has been acting weird ever since he ate that stupid fruit. 
"Are you angry with me?" Luffy asks one day when Shanks once again looks at him 'that way' and the stupid, sticky feeling in his chest just won't go away. 
The pirate blinks and takes a sip of his beer before he answers. The sticky feeling grows bigger. "How is your picture coming along?" 
Luffy scrunches up his nose so his tears won't fall. That's what Makino does when she doesn't want to answer his questions. Ask a question herself so he forgets what he was asking in the first place. But Luffy is smarter now, a big boy, and this is important. He pointedly puts the pencil down and doesn't forget. 
"Is Shanks angry with me 'cause I ate the stupid fruit?" 
Maybe he wasn't so successful about the tears because Shanks lowers his tankard and he gets this serious look on his face, the one he gets when he tells Luffy that the sea is a dangerous place and that he's not ready yet (he is he is he is). 
"No Luffy, I'm not angry." He sighs and seems to look through the little boy for a moment and mumbles under his breath. "A little worried, maybe." 
But Luffy has good ears. "Why?" 
Shanks jolts as if he didn't expect to have been heard. After a second of indecision he grins and ruffles dark hair. "Worried you are gonna eat the hair off of our heads! Why would you eat a fruit anyway? I thought you only liked meat?" 
Luffy shoves his hand away with a huff. He likes it when Shanks ruffles his hair, but he can't let the captain know that 'cause it's just another sign that he's still a little kid.
"I do! But the fruit told me to!" 
Luffy is too busy smoothing down his hair to notice Shanks grow absolutely still beside him. The whole crew, who has had one ear on their conversation this whole time, freezes. Tankards pause midair, conversations break off abruptly, chewing stops. An unnatural quiet falls over the bar. 
Shanks takes a deep breath. He runs a hand over his mouth, tries to gather enough spit to speak. 
"The fruit told you?" he asks, careful, casual. He needn't have bothered. Luffy is already bent over his paper again, drawing himself as a member of Shanks crew, completely oblivious to the tension in the air. 
(the picture will leave the port with Shanks weeks later and he will treasure it for the rest of his life but it will also always remind him of this moment, the moment he finally gets it, the moment it all falls into place, the missing puzzle piece he didn't even know he was missing) 
"Uh huh! The box made a sound, like bump bump bump and when I looked inside the fruit told me to take a bite, told me it would be fun, we would have lots of fun together. But it wasn't fun, it tasted bad." He sticks out his tongue and makes a face. "Super bad. But I guess rubber power is kinda fun. So I'll forgive the stupid fruit for tasting bad." 
Shanks is trying his hardest to breathe. He can feel Beck come up behind him, can feel him put a hand on his shoulder. The hand is shaking. "Kid, what-" 
"It was dark in that box." Luffy says. He sounds absent, his voice flat and distracted. His red pencil moves over the paper in a slow, meticulous manner, as if on auto pilot. Shanks can't shake the feeling that they aren't really talking to Luffy anymore. Or at least not only Luffy. 
"It was dark and you can't be free in the dark, you can't bring freedom in the dark. You need a light. You need the sun. There is a lot of sun on the seas, even in dark places. So we are gonna sail the seas and be free. And we're gonna have so much fun." 
Beck is crushing his shoulder, the whole crew is holding its breath. This feels like something sacred, like a moment in time that will never come again, a conversation that could change your whole life.
Roger would know what to say. 
Roger would laugh and know exactly what to say. 
Shanks feels like crying. He has no idea what to say.
"I-" 
The tip of the red pencil breaks off and Luffy flinches the slightest bit. He blinks at the paper as if he's seeing it for the first time before he grins and holds it up for Shanks and the others to see. 
"It's done! Do you like it?" 
Shanks isn't really looking at the drawing. All he sees is that boy and that grin and those eyes, bright and alive. 
"Joyboy." 
Luffy tilts his head. "What?" 
Shanks puts a hand over his heart and tells it to stop beating so hard, tells his voice to stop shaking. "You are truly a joy, my boy." 
It's a weird thing to say, nothing he's ever told Luffy before. But the kid beams and leans forwards as if Shanks has just offered him the world on a silver platter. 
(You have, haven't you? The world in a box.) 
"Does that mean you'll take me with you?" 
Shanks laughs and it sounds normal, it sounds familiar again. He pokes a small forehead and grins. 
"Nope. You are not ready yet." 
'But you will be,' he thinks as Luffy pouts and the rest of the crew tease him. 'One day you will be ready. And just maybe the rest of the world will be ready for you as well.' 
304 notes · View notes
inmyicyworld · 10 months
Text
My everything
Summary: The last thing that Bucky ever expected to see was the love of his life from the past trapped in one of the Hydra bunkers in the cryofreeze chamber. Yet here he was almost two days later, staring at your still unconscious body through the window at the medical wing, imagining the horror and disgust on your face when you found out that he was no longer the innocent and happy boy you knew before.
Words count: 6.8k
Warnings: I fucked up the whole timeline sorry, no civil war and no infinity war in my world, avengers live in their tower as a family, my baby Bucky has a lot of issues and regrets, lots of feelings, happy ending as always.
Author’s note: one of my works hit more than 1,000 notes and i’m so so so grateful to every single person who supported me.
I had this idea for a while, and I finally decided to write because I had barely seen any works with this plot. if y’all like it, might as well write the second part with smut🥰
*English is not my first language, sorry if you find any mistakes*
masterlist my ao3 ko-fi
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“Aren't you fucking tired of this?” Bucky growled as he burst into the common room where Sam, Steve, and Natasha were sitting. "If you set me up on another date, Wilson, I'll break your fucking wings."
Sam rolled his eyes and said, "Calm down, cyborg. Look at you, all angry and stressed out; you need to get laid! When was the last time you’ve been on a date?"
Steve raised his eyebrows in surprise as he glanced between his two friends.
"Sit down, Barnes." Nat nodded her head at the couch across from her. Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, as too many feelings were bubbling inside of him, but he obeyed and sat down, crossing his arms over his chest. “Now explain what happened.”
 "This idiot is trying to set me up again.” He said, nodding towards Sam. "And I told you I'm not interested."
 “But why? Don't you want to feel like back in the days and have some fun with pretty women? This Hydra shit clearly wasn’t good for you. You’re too tense and always mad. Go on a date, maybe you’ll find a good girl to spend some time with.” Sam genuinely wanted to help his friend, and he didn’t understand why Bucky was so mad about it.
The look on Bucky’s face was weird. Like he wanted to say something but, at the same time, didn’t want to share his thoughts. 
“Are you already dating someone?” Natasha leaned with her elbows on her knees and studied his face. There was definitely something that Bucky didn’t want to say.
Steve looked between the three of his friends, and when Nat asked Bucky a question, it was like a bulb turned on in his head.
 "Buck…" Bucky met Steve's eyes, holding eye contact for a few seconds, like they were talking about something that only they knew.
 “Hey!” Sam said, waving his hands. “What are you two doing? Do you know something, Rogers?”
 “Buck, is it because of her?” The blonde said it almost in a whisper. “You still remember, right?”
“Did you have a girlfriend before the war?” Natasha, as always, understood everything immediately, and it was funny to see how Sam’s mouth fell open in shock.
Bucky clenched and unclenched his hands in his lap, not sure if he should reveal the truth. He had kept it to himself for so long—ever since he escaped Hydra and the memories from the past started to flood his head. It was too painful to think about you. To think about the woman who was his whole life many years ago. He remembered everything, and now he sees you in his dreams almost every night. Sometimes in nightmares, sometimes in the good ones, about the life that you two would’ve had if he hadn’t gone to war.
“What the hell are you hiding from us?” Sam shouted again, trying to get attention.
 “I…” Bucky frowns, staring at his hands. “I had a girlfriend... before the army, before the Hydra.” He closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. Just the thought of you hurt him, making him regret everything. That he left, that he didn’t marry you, and that the universe had this shitty plan.
 “And that’s why you don’t want to go out with someone?” Come on, man, how long has it been?  80 years? Get over it. It must have been another one of your girlfriends that you hooked up with when you were young.” He chuckled, looking between his friends, none of whom seemed happy with his choice of words.
 "Sam, don't—"
“You sound like an asshole.” 
 “Get over it?” Bucky didn’t let Steve or Nat finish their sentences before he barked at Sam, looking even more angry than before. “Just another one of my girlfriends? Do you have any idea what the fuck you're talking about, Wilson? " He looked like he was ready to kick his friend right in the face. “She wasn’t one of them. In fact, there was no “them”. In my entire life, I’ve never even touched another woman because I've been in love with Y/N since I was 14. We started dating when I turned 18, and I proposed before I had to go to the war.”
Bucky’s emotions quickly changed as the hot rage turned into a longing for memories and feelings. He felt a lump in his throat, so he reached into his pocket for his wallet, from which he pulled out your old and shabby photo, gently running his finger over your face.
“Y/N was everything to me. She said yes, and I promised her that I would return so we could get married. I imagined that I would spend my whole life with her, you know? I don't need any other woman. I do not want it. I still love her, and I don't care if either of you find it funny.
The room fell into heavy silence. Steve just looked out the window, remembering the times when the three of you went to Coney Island, and he was always the third wheel. You were his friend too, and the aching feeling in his chest was too heavy.
Sam felt a little bit awkward after saying these things about your relationships. He wanted to tease Bucky, not be rude.
Natasha was the one who took the first step when she stretched the arm so Bucky would give her the photo. “You two look so cheesy. She’s really gorgeous.” She smirked, looking at the old black-and-white photo of you two sitting on the bench. Your back was almost lying on Bucky’s body, and his arms were wrapped around you. It seemed like you were talking about something and enjoying the private moment. Bucky had the biggest smile Natasha has ever seen on his face, as he was looking at you with heart eyes.
 “Can I see?” Sam finally asked, nodding at the photograph in Natasha's hands. She passed him the photo and Bucky’s move in his place, feeling a little bit uncomfortable about revealing this part of his life. 
“You two look cute. Weird to see a smile on your face.” Sam chuckled.
“Where did you find this photo?” Steve leaned closer to the picture, immediately remembering the day you and Bucky took it and the way Bucky has had it with him ever since.
 “I took it to the war. Always had it in a jacket, even on missions. She was with me that day on the train. I think Hydra found this in my pocket. When I ran away from there, I found a box with my stuff; the photo was there.”
 “Have you… tried to find something about her?” Steve lifted his head, studying his friend's reaction.
 “Yeah,” Bucky sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know how, but I didn’t find anything. Two years after my fall, there was no record of her. No marriage certificate, no place of residence, no place of work. Nothing. Like she just disappeared.” He shook his head in despair. 
 “But it's impossible.” Steve frowned, giving the photo back. “A person can't just disappear and leave nothing behind.”
 "I don't know," Bucky shrugged, looking back at the photo for a second and then slipping it back into his wallet. "Maybe it's for the best. I don't know how I would come to terms with the news of her death.”
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It’s been almost two weeks since that conversation, and luckily for Bucky, Sam didn’t attempt to set him up with anyone anymore.
Earlier that day, Tony announced that his new technology had spotted some weird activity in something that looked like an old and hidden Hydra base. It was pretty much abandoned, but there were signs of small energy consumption, as if something was still constantly working. That’s why the team of Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Tony had to check it out and destroy any possible danger.
After being free from Hydra, Bucky didn’t take part in many missions because the team agreed that it would be better for him to heal and stay far away from triggers. But this base brought up many concerns: it was hidden far away, there was no information about it in nonofficial papers, and even Bucky himself had never heard about it. Tony insisted that someone with knowledge of the Hydra system should go there too.
When the four of them arrived on the quinjet at something that looked like a well-hidden abandoned bunker, they decided not to split up and go through the main and only entrance.
“Be careful; we don’t know that they might hide in here.” Steve said, going in first with a shield in front of him. Bucky and Sam went after him, holding rifles and checking the big and almost empty room.
“They should clean in here, kinda dusty.” Tony chuckled in his usual playful voice. 
“It’s not a good time for your jokes, Stark.” Steve was always a little too serious during missions, and Tony really liked pushing his buttons. “I see the light in the other room.” He whispered, carefully opening the door. 
“Holy shit.” Sam and Tony spoke at the same time when all four of them entered the giant room.
There were five big glass machines that were a little bit foggy and had a little lightning in them.
“What is this?” Steve ran closer to one of them and saw that there was a man inside. “Oh my god, there is a man in here... It looks like he’s alive.”
“There is a folder called “The Winter Soldier Program” with personal information.” Sam said, picking up a file from the shelf in the corner of the room. “George Harris, 27 from New York. Kathleen Hill, 21 from New York…” He read, mumbling to himself.
“It’s a cryostasis chamber. Hydra used it to freeze me.” Bucky lowered his rifle, coming closer to one of the chambers. Another man. “It lowers your body temperature to the point that you can be kept like that for many years. Hydra– “ Bucky went silent when he got to another glass camera. 
“Barnes? Why is there—” Sam didn’t finish his words when the sound of Bucky’s weapon falling on the cold concrete filled the room. 
“No-no-no, please, no!” He whispered, moving closer to the glass. He couldn’t believe what he saw. 
You were right in front of him, with closed eyes and too pale skin. That was impossible. It’s not you. There was no chance that you somehow ended up with Hydra. 
Bucky felt like he was unable to breathe. He tried to inhale some air, but the lump in his throat was too big. The tears blurred his vision; he didn’t hear anything around him, as your almost lifeless body was the only thing that he thought about. You, his sweet girl, somehow ended up trapped with monsters, and he couldn’t do anything to save you from it. 
“Bucky!” Two pairs of hands dragged him from the chamber, and the blurry vision of his best friend was now visible in front of him. “Bucky, listen to me! You should calm down, buddy. Just breathe, okay?” Steve deeply inhaled and exhaled to help Bucky, and after a few minutes, he was finally able to speak.
“T-that’s impossible, Steve. She shouldn’t be there! She should’ve found another man and lived a happy life with her family!” He said in a shaking voice, angrily wiping away tears from his face. 
“I don’t know how this happened, Buck; I really don’t. But she may be alive there.” Steve supportively squeezed Bucky’s shoulder. 
“We can’t just take these people out. We should transport them to the tower and find the safest way to unfreeze them.” Tony said in a serious voice, not joking around anymore. He walked closer to the chambers, studying each of them. “It looks like they are working on their own power, and this one, “he pointed at the one that was dark and with water drops from the inside. “Doesn’t work anymore. The man is probably dead.” 
“Are there any chances of getting them out of there alive?” Sam glared at Bucky, who was just staring at your peaceful but haggard face through the glass.
“I don’t know, but me and Banner will do everything we can.”
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It took another day to find a way to move four of the still-working chambers to the compound and ten more hours to defrost everyone. and to say that Bucky was completely stressed out and exhausted was an understatement. He didn’t sleep at all, staying in the room near the lab to get all the news as soon as possible. He walked around the room for hours, overthinking everything—what will happen if you die or if you survive? Is it really better for you to wake up and see all the damage that he has done for the past years? To see the empty shell of the person you loved in the past?
“Barnes!” Tony blasted through the doors with a grin on his face. “We did it.”
“You did it?” Bucky’s whole body was buzzing with energy and anxiety. “Where is she? Is she alive? Is she conscious? Can I see her?”
“Wow-wow, calm down. She is alive, but you can’t see or visit her right now. Dr. Cho has to run many tests to find out whether your lovebird is healthy or not.” Tony nodded his head toward the corridor so Bucky would follow him. “We put each of them into a different room, and your Blonde Bestie insisted on putting Y/N into the best and the biggest one. There is a special window through which you can see her, but she cannot see you from the inside. So you can be as creepy as you want to until she gets better.” Stark slapped Bucky on the shoulder to show some kind of support when they stopped in front of the said window. 
You were lying on the bed, surrounded by too many wires and monitors. Dr. Cho was standing above you, writing something down, and checking the device near your head.
She said something aloud, probably talking to FRIDAY, and came out of the room. 
“Oh, Mr.Barnes, I heard that Y/N was your girlfriend, right?” She smiled, and Bucky slightly nodded, not being able to completely drag his attention from your body. “I’ll tell you this: it’s my most difficult and unique case, but she’s a strong one. Her body heals faster than other people’s from cryo. I believe she’ll be fully awake tomorrow.” 
“Thank you, Dr.Cho.” Bucky felt a little bit better now that he had more hope that you could really be back. Dr.Cho gave him another smile and left to check on her other patients. 
“I have to find out if these people have families. Did Y/N have someone who might be alive?” Tony asked. 
“No, she didn’t.”
“I’ll go, and you, Barnes, will stay away from her for now, understood?” He pointed a finger into Bucky’s face. 
“Yes. I’ll just watch from here.” 
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You were alive. You were awake. Bucky saw with his own eyes as your body started moving and you slowly sat on the bed, confused by your surroundings. He saw panic on your face because you were clearly disoriented and scared to be alone in an unknown place. 
As fast as he could, he found Dr. Cho, who was in the room with Steve and Natasha. When he, choking on all the emotions, told them about you, it was a mess. 
Dr. Cho and a few other nurses ran to your room to check your condition because you were the first one to open their eyes.
Bucky, Steve, and Nat stood on the other side of the window. Bucky wasn’t able to fully convince himself that it was true that he was so close to him. It felt like a dream, like a weird picture that his brain created to comfort him. 
“She’s okay, Buddy.” Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder because it seemed like he didn’t even blink or breathe. “You can see her soon.”
“No.” He mumbled.
“What?” His friend’s head shot in his direction.
“Someone else should talk to her first. Tell her about my past. Maybe she won’t even want to see me after everything I’ve done.”
“I can go and talk to her first.” Natasha softly smiled. She knew the feeling when you’re afraid that someone will leave you because of your past. “I think it’s better for Y/N to first find out that she woke up in the new century and that she was cryofrozen for many years. I’ll tell her that Steve is alive, and then me and you can both tell her about Bucky.” 
Bucky just nodded to her words, still not being able to look at anything besides you. He wasn’t sure that after you find out all the truth, you’ll allow him to even be around you, so for now, he tried to memorize you as much as he could. 
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Since the moment you opened your eyes, everything felt unknown and different. You couldn’t explain it, but something had changed. You didn’t know where you were, what time it was, how you ended up in that place, or who all these people were. You felt scared as too many doctors crowded your room and fussed around, talking about tests and medical procedures. 
The young woman who seemed to be in charge was actually really sweet. After only you and her were left in the room, she sat on your bed with a pile of clothes in her hands and smiled at you. 
“So, Y/N, my name is Dr. Cho, and I’m here to help you heal faster and without any consequences.” 
“Where am I?” Your voice was too raspy and harsh. It felt like you swallowed a glass of sand. 
She sighed, looking at her journal. “It’s hard to explain, but I promise that there’s nothing to worry about. You are safe. In a few minutes, someone will visit you to talk about everything and answer any of your questions. Now, I was told to give you these clothes so it would be more comfortable for you. You can change in the bathroom right there; there is also anything you might need like a toothbrush, soap, and so on.” She pointed at the door in the corner of the room. 
You stayed silent until Dr. Cho left your room, and then slowly, feeling kind of scared to move around this place, you went to the bathroom to change out of the hospital gown. 
The bathroom looked even weirder than the main room; you had never seen such furniture and interiors. And when you unfolded your new clothes, it took you a few seconds to figure it out. It was some kind of soft pants and a large t-shirt. What kind of clothes was it? Yes, they were actually comfortable, but it wasn’t something that you saw in the stores. 
While you were brushing your teeth, your brain was working too hard trying to figure out what the hell was going on, until you heard someone calling your name. 
“Hey, Y/N, my name is Natasha.” The pretty red-headed woman was standing near your bed with a tray and food in her hands. 
“Please, tell me what’s going on. Where am I? Why does everything look so strange here?” You said in a desperate voice, you almost wanted to scream because you woke up several hours ago, but no one told you a single thing.
“Don’t be nervous, honey. Let's sit on the bed; you’ll eat your special meal, and I’ll tell you everything you want.” She was so nice and genuine, so you nodded and sat down. 
Natasha placed a tray near you, and you saw that it was your favorite food of all time. You took a bite, and your taste buds were immediately filled with the taste of the meal that James cooked you almost every day. James. It was his recipe. The tears flooded your eyes when all of the memories about your dead boyfriend returned to your head. Yeah, how could you forget that it had been at least two years since he was gone? 
“Y/N? What happened?” Natasha’s worried voice distracted you. 
“It just reminded me of someone. I felt like I was home, and it hurts me because nothing is the same anymore.” You wiped your tears away, taking another bite. 
“I promise you that everything is going to be okay. You are not alone here.” You frowned at her words but still nodded. “So ask whatever you want to.” 
“Where am I, and why does everything look so different?”
“You are at the Avengers Tower, located in Manhattan, New York City. I know that might sound ridiculous, but you were in the cryostasis chamber up until now. It’s 2023, and a lot of things have changed in the world; that's why it might be confusing.”
You stayed silent for a few seconds, overthinking Natasha’s words. “It can’t be true. I can’t be more than one hundred years old now. And I look the same.” 
“This is how cryostasis works—iit freezes the body so it can survive many years without any changes. Now tell me how you ended up with Hydra. What is the last thing you remember before waking up here?” 
“Back in the 40s, I was a nurse. My– my boyfriend— he died during the war.” You stopped because of the lump in your throat. It was too hard to bring back these memories because it was the first time you said these words out loud. “He died, and then my closest friend died too, and I just had no one left. I was alone, and I didn’t even know what to live for because all of my dreams about family and a happy life with the person I loved died too.” Natasha put her hand over yours on the bed and gave you a supportive squeeze. “Then one day in our hospital, scientists were looking for people who would like to test new serums. I decided that I had nothing to lose, so me and a few other nurses signed in.” 
“Kathleen, Josh, Adam, and Frank, right?” The woman in front of you gave you a sad smile.
“Yes, how do you know that?” 
“We found them with you. Adam’s camera was broken, so he died a long time ago, but the rest of them are here too, but, unfortunately, they haven’t regained consciousness yet.” 
You nodded. Your food was now done and set aside, and you sat on the bed more comfortably, bringing your knees to your chest. “These scientists were running some tests on us in the lab that they brought us in. It felt weird, and I remember that Kathleen always complained that it was painful. The last thing that happened was that they told us to step into a weird-looking machine that was meant to be a part of some kind of experiment. That’s it.”
“It was Hydra. A terrorist organization that tried to rule the world. They were evil, and you were lucky to get out of there alive.” Natasha pursed her lips. “Thank you for telling me this.” 
You two sat in silence for a few seconds until she looked over her shoulder at the weird-looking mirror that took up almost a whole wall. 
“Is anything wrong?” You furrowed.
“I have to tell and show you something really important, but everyone is worried about how you are going to react to this.” She studied your face with a weird expression. 
“Is there anything more crazy than me being in another century after I was frozen?” You tried to smile, but Natasha just nodded. 
“I’ll be right back. Please, try to breathe, okay?” She stood from your bed, took the tray, and left. 
Natasha came back, and behind her was the last person you ever expected to see again. You jumped on your feet, feeling like your eyes were lying to you. 
“This—this can’t be true... No, Natasha—Steve, you died.” You mumbled under your breath. Your heart rate was way higher than usual, and it felt like you were drowning. You put your hand over your eyes. It’s just a dream. It’s just a weird fucking dream.
Two large hands wrapped around your body, pulling you into the hard chest. “Sh-s, Y/N, breathe, just breathe.” His familiar voice filled your ears, and you started crying harder, gripping his shirt. 
“What– how– how is this possible? You crushed the plane into ice.” You shattered, tears running down your face.
“The Super Soldier serum saved me. The S.H.I.E.L.D. found my body 12 years ago.” Steve loosened his arms around you, allowing you to look up at him. He was exactly the same. This blonde hair, these light blue eyes, and that soft smile that he always had for you. “Please, sit back on the bed. We have a lot to talk about.” His face was now more serious. Even though he was extremely happy to get back his second closest best friend, he knew that Bucky was dying without you.
Steve and Bucky both looked at your interaction with Natasha, and it was obvious that everything Bucky wanted was for you to be near him. He looked through that window without any distraction, and his face lit up with a small smile when you tasted the food that he cooked for you and became emotional. He knew that you would appreciate it.
“About what?” You wiped your face with the back of your hand and sat down, holding Steve's hand. Natasha, who was still standing in the middle of the room, passed him a thick folder and left. Steve sat near you and gave you a supportive smile. 
“Bucky.” 
You froze and snatched your hand out of his. 
“Steve, no. Please—” You wrapped your hands around your body, as if you were instantly trying to hide from the pain that was aching in your chest. “Please, don’t hurt me anymore. I can’t handle that. Talking about him w-when he’s not with me anymore.” The sods started to get out of you, and you hid your face from Steve’s soft and apologizing eyes.
“He is alive.” Steve’s hands fell on your shoulders, and he lowered his head, trying to make you look him in the eyes.
“Don’t lie to me! He is dead; I saw the reports; I got the letter from Phillips saying that he’s sorry for our loss!” You particularly yelled at your friend. 
“Y/N, listen to me, okay? Bucky is alive. He is here. Behind that door, he’s watching us right now.” You were shaking your head in denial. 
That was impossible. You knew all this story; Steve himself told you what happened that day. There was no chance for Bucky to survive the fall from that height in the middle of nowhere. Yet here was Steve, sitting right before you. His big blue and soft eyes were looking into your eyes, and you didn’t see a single sign of hesitation or lying in there. He was so genuine that you wanted to believe that your boyfriend was, in fact, a few meters away from you.
“How? And why? James– he would’ve been with me if he were alive. Why isn’t he here?” You sobbed, and then the realization came to you. “That food—the food that Natsha brought me. It tasted exactly like he made it.”
“Bucky thought that it might comfort you. He found you in that laboratory, he has been near you since that day, and he saw that you were scared and disoriented when you woke up. And that's why I am here. Bucky insisted that I should talk to you first and tell you everything. He is afraid that you might not see him anymore after finding out everything that is written here.” Steve picked up the folder and put it on your lap. 
“The Winter Soldier” was written on top of the old-looking piece of paper, and for some reason you felt something weird in your chest.
“I want to let you know that whatever is in here, it cannot make me hate him.” You mumbled, hesitating to open the folder. “What’s in there, Steve? Tell me everything.”
“These are the papers that S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra had on the Winter Soldier. Everything that happened to him: experiments, torture, assassinations, crimes. This is what happened to Bucky after the fall. This is what Hydra did to him over these years.” 
You felt a lump in your throat when you opened the first page and saw Bucky’s photo from the army. But nothing prepared you for everything you read and saw after that. He wasn’t even James or Bucky anymore. He was a Soldier. An Asset. Someone without an identity. All the detailed descriptions of the medical procedures, brainwashing, electroshock, torture, and punishments with attached photos made you want to vomit and cry hysterically. You couldn’t stop crying when your shaking hands took a picture of the love of your life sitting shirtless and unconscious on some kind of stool with wires attached to his head. 
How could someone do that? How could someone torture a person almost to death and then just write about it like it was a fucking dairy? 
“His arm, it’s metal. Why is it made from metal?” Your teary-red eyes shoot back to Steve’s face. 
“Bucky lost it during the fall. They gave him a new one, but it causes him a lot of pain. Physical and mental.”
“I don’t— Steve, I don’t understand.” You took another picture with Bucky standing in his full black costume and a mask, not a single emotion on his face. “Why did they do this? For what?” 
“Hydra wanted to have the perfect asset. Killing machine. To commit crimes, kill unwanted people, and basically rule the world.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, looking at the floor. “They made Bucky the best. They completely cleared his head from the memories of his past; they trained him to be invincible and invisible. They had a special combination of words to control him, so he would always come back and do as he was told.”
You closed the file and moved it aside, closing your face with your hands while you were crying.
“And he thinks that I can reject him?” You whispered.
“Y/N, please try to understand what such things can do to your brain. Bucky goes to therapy, but he probably would never be able to fully heal from this experience.” His hand fell on your shoulder and squeezed it slightly. “Bucky always was a good person; that's why right now he feels so much guilt that it’s unimaginable. Even if nothing of this is his fault, he can’t forgive himself for these murders and damage. He has PTSD, nightmares, and a lot of trust issues.”
“I understand, but I would’ve never rejected him. He’s everything that I had, and when I lost him, it felt like hell.” You took a deep breath, looking Steve in the eyes. “Please, let me see him. I need it, and he needs it too.” Steve’s eyes softened at you. He almost forgot the love that his two best friends had for each other. 
“Give me a minute, okay?” He smiled, kissed your head, and left your room, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
You were really going to see the man that you thought you had lost forever in a few seconds. It was almost three years for you, but almost eighty for him. A wave of anxiety washed over you when you thought that maybe he doesn’t feel the same anymore and doesn’t have the same feelings as you do. You almost went down a rabbit hole until the door started to open. 
You slowly stood up, feeling a little bit uneasy. Even though you and Steve were just talking about it, seeing Bucky alive felt unreal. Your eyes were sliding up and down his face to remember every little part. He looked different, more mature, with a broad chest and shoulders and long, silky hair. 
Bucky’s heart was pounding in his ears, and his mouth was completely dry while you were observing him. You had tears in your eyes, and your lower lip was trembling when you tried to hold yourself from crying out loud. You were in some baggy clothes that Nat found for you, but you still looked fucking gorgeous. Still the most beautiful girl on the whole planet. 
“Doll…” Bucky’s raspy voice filled the room, and it was everything you needed. 
In just a second, you ran to him, falling right into his body. Arms wrapped around his shoulders, and your face hidden into his neck. 
As soon as Bucky finally hugged your smaller body and felt that it was real and that you were real, he broke down. Every last piece of strength went through the window as the tears rolled down his cheeks, probably soaking your t-shirt.
He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for your forgiveness for all of the awful things that he had done. He didn’t deserve you anymore, not with this much blood on his hands. But Bucky couldn’t do what he wanted because your grip on him was so strong that he wasn’t even able to move away for an inch. 
“James…” Your quiet voice filled his ears, and it sent shivers down his spine. Only you and his ma called him that, and he missed it so fucking much.
Bucky’s hands moved from your waist a little bit lower, and you viewed it as an opportunity to get even closer. Your legs instantly wrapped around his body, and Bucky, making sure that you wouldn’t fall, went to the bed and sat down with you on his knees. 
“I’m so sorry... I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve done.” He sobbed, shaking his head. You pulled away a little bit, finally meeting Bucky face-to-face. 
“Don’t you dare apologize for the things that you weren’t able to control, James!” Your voice suddenly became rough, filled with so much anger toward the people who hurt your precious boy. His hand on your waist tightened, and you slid your own to cup Bucky’s face. “I want to kill every one of them. Everyone who hurt you, who punished you,” Soft fingertips traced the delicate skin of the templates where, as you remember from the photos, wires with electricity were placed. “You didn’t deserve to go through this, James. I wish I was there for you.” 
“You were always with me. Even when they wiped me, I still had someone in my head. A woman with a soft voice, who told me that I'm strong and that it will end soon. I would’ve died without it.” You both were looking into each other's teary eyes, both feeling too much love and desire. 
Your head slightly tilted towards his, connecting your foreheads, and for a few seconds, it felt like home. Like nothing happened and you two were just having a lazy morning in bed.
The calloused hand on the side of your face brought you back to reality. Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes were looking into yours, and, sharing one thought, you both moved closer and connected your lips. The kiss was so soft, slow, and gentle, like you had the whole time in the world. It was this type of kiss that said that you both were there and alive. It was a reminder of the love that you had for each other. Reassurance, that no matter what, you will be there.
“I missed you so fucking much, doll. Since the day I first remembered everything, all I could think about was you. Even tried to find you, but there was not a single document. I started to believe that you just found a man, changed your last name, and moved away from that mess.” You were so close to each other, not wanting to split up even for a second. Your hands were moving up and down Bucky’s hard chest while he was rubbing the soft skin of your cheek with his thumb.
“Are you joking, James? No one was able to replace you. The only people I talked to during that time were your mom and Becca.” His facial expression slightly changed at the mention of his family, and you placed a soft kiss on his stubble cheek. “I should’ve been the one who took care of them, but I was nothing without you, and Winnie almost made me move in with them. That’s why I jumped at the opportunity to be a volunteer for these tests.” 
Bucky shook his head, his eyes again full of regret and pain. “I hate that it happened because of me.”
“At least I’m here right now. With you.” You smiled, sliding your hand into his dark, long locks. “You know, James, you look really good for someone who’s older than one hundred years old. I like your hair. And stubble.” His eyes rolled back at the feeling of your nails on his scalp. It had been so long since someone touched him without an intention to hurt him, and the realization of that made your heart swell with the need to take care of your boyfriend. 
“You know that you’re one year younger than me, right?” Your favorite little smirk in the whole world appeared on Bucky’s lips, and you smiled, moving a little bit closer to his body. The metal hand on your waist tightened, and you realized that you hadn't seen it in person yet. 
Your right hand reached behind you, grabbing a hard wrist that was covered in leather. Bucky’s body immediately froze under you, and his eyes snapped open. 
“Doll, no… You don’t have to...” 
“I want to. Give me your hand, James.” You said without any hesitation. Bucky looked you in the eyes for a few seconds, but then brought his metal hand between your bodies. “It’s just me, okay? I’m not scared, and I want to know everything.” You wrapped both of your hands around his hand and then gently started to take off the glove. 
The dark metal with beautiful golden stripes was shining under the bright light of the room. Your mouth slightly opened when you moved each finger with interest. Your gentle hands slid higher, rolling up the sleeve of the red henley Bucky was wearing. It was so smooth, without any sharp details, just an amazing and mind-blowing mechanism. 
“That’s so beautiful.” You mumbled in awe. Suddenly the plates under your hands moved, and a quiet whirring sound filled the room. You shot your eyes back at Bucky in shock, only to see that he was already looking at you with so much love that you almost melted. “Did you do that?” 
“It’s a new arm, not from Hydra. It reacts to my emotions. No one ever touched it without any fear.” You almost missed that last sentence, but the hurt in Bucky’s voice made you grab his face with your hands to get his whole attention.
“Listen to me, James. I’m not afraid of you. I won’t reject you. You are everything that I want. You still have the biggest and kindest heart of the guy that I met many years ago, and I’ll do everything to prove to you this.” The metal hand carefully touched your hand on the side of his face. “I love you. I love you so much, James.”
“I love you too, Doll. More than anything in this life,” Your lips crushed into each other, now sharing a more passionate and deep kiss. You slightly tilted your head, allowing Bucky to part your lips with his tongue and playfully bite you. It was almost too overwhelming, and you both were completely lost in each other until you finally needed to breathe. 
“Stay here with me, please. I don’t want you to leave.” You whined, trying to push your big and strong super soldier onto the bed. 
“I won’t leave, baby.” He chuckled, allowing you to push him back. You happily giggled and laid near him, interlacing your bodies together. 
You two were just staying in your own little bubble on your bed for what seemed like forever, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, until you finally fell asleep, feeling happy and peaceful in each other's arms.  
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