#Remembering God After Three Years of Depression

[notjoelmiller]

i cared

MDNI simon "ghost" riley x f!reader summary: three and a half years ago and an ocean away, he tore you apart. now he's turned up at your door. wordcount: 4.1k warnings: smut (fingering), drinking, AFAB reader, possible past dub-con (reader was in a bad mental state and simon knew), simon is a shitty guy in this, talk of hypothetical suicide, talk of past bad mental state (depression), mentioned PTSD, heartbreak on both sides, death mention (MW:III canon) a/n: hey remember when i said that my next fic would be joel and i posted a little insert. that was a lie! instead of working on that (12k word, currently) monster, i wrote something else. if you couldn't tell, i started this before the holidays and then forgot about it.

ao3

The house is much nicer than Simon anticipated. When he saw the New York City address, he had expected you to be crammed into a shitty 6th-floor walk-up. But no, not you. Instead, you have an honest-to-God three-story home with red brick delicately dusted with snow. You certainly couldn’t afford it on the 141 salary. He always suspected you came from means. This just confirms it. It just makes him wonder why the hell you decided to slum it in the services for so long.

It reminds Simon that he shouldn’t be there. You weren't made for that life and left for a reason. Who is he to ruin your peace?

He’s not alone on the street. Well-to-do families of strangers pass by, all watching the masked man observe their neighbor’s home. He can still turn around and leave you to the life you so clearly want.

Something shifts in one of the windows, the curtain being tousled by something. A dog. You got a dog– a golden retriever with sharp eyes and, evidently, an even sharper bark. The canine goes berserk, barking and howling and growling at Simon through the window. It’s Simon’s cue to leave, to leave you be with your semi-rabid, semi-domestic canine.

But before he can move, the curtain shifts again– pulled this time –and you’re there. You squint for a moment, surely wondering what masked freak is standing in your walkway like he owns the damn place. He lets you scrutinize him. It’s now or never. Either you’ll tell him to fuck off once you realize who he is or you’ll call the police on him, though it’s not like they would do anything after he calls Kate.

Instead, you disappear behind the curtain, your loyal steed of a dog following hot on your heels. In a moment’s notice, the large front door, with a gilded knocker and door knob open. You beckon him in. He follows, eyes trailing up and down your body once you’re facing away from him. You’re dressed casually but smartly in a short denim skirt and cashmere sweater. Simon’s never seen you in that getup before, even when going out to the pub.

“Shoes off,” you order, motioning towards the neat shoe rack next to the door. They’re all women's shoes of the same size. Simon’s shoulders relax, and he slips off his boots. It was for the best, he figures. His old boots would have just dragged dirt into your space. He takes off his mask too, hanging it up with his jacket. It’s nothing you haven't seen before.

Simon follows you into the sitting room– at least, that’s what Simon guesses the room is. It’s too neat for your taste, or his memory of what your taste is exactly. The couch and single chair seem untouched, the air still, like Simon’s presence is cutting through some sacred stillness.

You point to a couch and Simon obeys, sitting with his hands on his knees. Your eyes lock with his without granting him any semblance of your thoughts. Simon keeps his gaze soft, neutral. You can scrutinize him all you need.

You sigh, straightening your posture. A smile pulls at your lips. Your smile lines crease deeper than he remembered. Or maybe they always creased that deep.

“Tea?”

***

“He’s quite protective,” you drop two sugar cubes into a cup of tea. The spoon in your hand lets out a delicate tink as it hits the porcelain cup. You hand Simon the teacup, it’s just how he likes it. “Always has his haunches raised, even when he’s not working.”

Ah. A service animal. He’s surprised to not have put that together sooner. Always loyal, the pooch plants himself at your feet, gaze burning into Simon. If looks could kill…

“Your home?” Simon asks. He lifts the teacup to his lips and sips. Simon places the teacup on its saucer impossibly slowly. Simon can’t believe you’d trust him with something so delicate.

“I inherited it.”

A smile creeps on Simon’s face. Teacups and generational wealth. He always knew you were posh. Or whatever Americans call posh.

“You’re on holiday?” You ask.

“‘Tis the season.”

You hum. Your house is the only one on the block without some sort of holiday decor. Simon wonders if it was a pointed decision.

“And you came here.” Why?

He can’t tell you the truth. The fact is that every day since you left– all one thousand two hundred ninety-eight of them since John uttered to his fuming lieutenant that you just weren’t fit to serve any more –he’s ached. One thousand two hundred ninety-eight days of no contact. Of his only proof that you ever existed being a photo and a tear-stained note with one sentence scribbled in ink: John has contact info– emergencies only.

“I wanted to wish you a happy holidays.”

You laugh dryly, though it sends a pang of pain through Simon. He hadn’t realized how much he missed that sound. “Usually people send a card for that.”

You observe Simon with precision, like you never left the force, though the way you scratch Yogi’s belly unconsciously betrays the hardened exterior. It’s a glimpse into the last three and a half years. Of the woman you’ve become– so foreign to Simon. Foreign to your past self. Or not. Maybe this is who you’ve been all along, just hidden behind fatigues. Maybe the woman Simon thought he knew was just a farce. Rich girl playing army for a few years.

Maybe you joined the force just to fuck around for a bit. After a few years, you’d have stories to tell your socialite friends back home. Except, you didn’t get what you wanted, didn’t you? Simon knows well and good that serving, the 141, and him, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, destroyed something in you. 

You tap the porcelain of your teacup. It makes a pleasant ding. “Did John tell you where to find me?”

“No. Well–” Simon tries to tell you the truth without throwing his comrade under the bus. The truth was, John had indulged in one too many drinks at the pub one night and hadn’t locked his quarters. An envelope addressed to you sat front in center on his desk. “Not intentionally.”

It’s a satisfying enough answer. Only a small twinge of annoyance crosses your face before you hum. “This isn’t a guilt thing, right Simon?” You ask, “I didn’t do what I did because of what happened.”

“What we did back then, on the field,” Simon traps you under his gaze. His stare is aggressive, but he hopes it conveys the intense feelings he’s struggling with. “I can’t just leave it. That’s why I came.”

Simon doesn’t dare speak. He doesn’t dare breathe while he watches you process his words. It’s a load of crap, he knows it, and he knows you know it. It’s just a matter of whether or not you want to kick him out.

You smize, teeth coming out to tug at your bottom lip. “Have you ever had New York pizza?”

***

You order two pies, hushing Simon when he insists it’s too much. You were right. Two isn’t enough. Simon scarfs down one pie without coming up for air. It’s delicious. It isn’t until he’s four slices deep that he realizes that you, smiling widely at him, haven’t yet picked up your first.

You’re a gracious host– a natural, really. You perch yourself on the kitchen island, legs crossed in a way that makes your skirt ride so sinfully up your thighs. Simon doesn’t look of course, he’s a gentleman. At least, he is for the first bottle of the ungodly expensive red wine you procure. It’s then that you perch your leg on the counter opposite your spot on the island, right next to Simon. Old habits die hard– especially when inebriated –and Simon places a hand on your leg, massaging the skin of your ankle.

You pay no mind to Simon’s ministrations, though, lost in the domestic bliss and mindless conversations you’ve probably been drowning yourself in for the last few years. You wave the glass of wine wildly about, like you wouldn’t give a damn if it spilled all over your expensive clothes. It seems so natural for you. Simon wonders what you were ever doing with the 141 when posh city living fits you like a second skin.

Simon inches his hand higher up your leg as you speak. He doesn’t get very far, but it’s enough so that he can trace patterns into the soft skin of your thigh. It’s too much, though, because your eyes lock onto his. But you’re not mad. You don’t tell him to stop. Rather, you examine him, and in your eyes Simon sees what looks like mirth.

“I missed this,” Simon says. He cringes at the words leaving his mouth. He’s succumbing to the domestic bliss you’ve created, looking at the past through rose-tinted glasses.

You reach for a third bottle of wine and a corkscrew, furrowing your brow in thought while twisting the screw. “I didn't want to abandon you,” you say. Simon, watching you pop the cork off with ease, almost forgets that you’re talking to him until you lock eyes. He watches you sniff the cork, pause, then sniff it again before topping off your glass. You take a heaping swig, like that Pinot Noir worth more than Simon’s monthly pay is unremarkable. “I left for a reason, you know.”

Oh, Simon certainly knows. The rumors had been inescapable in the first weeks of your absence. All around base every soldier had entertained the question of what happened to the American chick in the 141. Simon had only so many threatening looks to give privates before curiosity got the better of him. He abated the desire to ask John for so long, but there was only so much longing he could handle coupled with the cacophony of voices asking the same thing he desperately wanted to know.

John didn’t flounder when Simon finally came to him, demanding to know why you left.

She was discharged.

Why?

For… mental reasons.

Simon lost his shit in Price’s office that morning. He collapsed onto the couch with a gasp, a hand grasping and squeezing his heart. His breath left him, but Simon was too bloody stupid to understand what the hell was going on until Price was handing him a brown paper bag.

Breathe, son.

“Simon,” you breathe, your saccharine voice the most tantalizing sound Simon has ever heard. You lean forward, your finger tracing the scar parallel to the cut of his jaw. You were there for it, saw the knife slice through his mask and the skin underneath. You bandaged it in the helicopter after, making Simon promise to go to medical afterwards. He promised he would. That night he closed the wound with superglue. “Why did you really come?”

Because you disappeared. Because Price said you were on the brink of becoming a statistic. Because I fucked up. Because I said things I didn’t mean and I thought that it killed you.

“Johnny’s dead,” he lies. But it isn’t a lie. It’s true, sure, Johnny’s been reduced to ashes and scattered in the Scottish highlands. But that isn't why he came.

“I know.” You sniffle. Christ, Simon’s made you cry. Nausea washes over him. A voice in his head screams, fix it, idiot! But emotions were never Simon’s strong suit. Instead, Simon reaches for the bottle and tops off your glass of wine, probably a bit more than he should have, but it seems like you need it.

You mutter a thank you and down a bit more than half of the glass. You come up for air and hiccup. “John told me.”

“Price?” He asks, as though there was any other John. Anything to get you talking rather than crying.

You nod. “He dropped by around Thanksgiving. Asked if I wanted to be there when you all…” You wave your hand in the air, “You know.”

Something ugly festers in his chest. Maybe if he actually went to a therapist, Simon could recognize what it is.

“You said no?” He asks.

“I didn’t think I could.”

Simon nods, holding your gaze in a way that he hopes conveys his sense of understanding.

“How’d it happen?” You croak. Your eyes are glassy, a reminder of the ever-looming threat that you could fall apart again. Simon reminds himself that you wouldn’t be crying if he had just kept his distance.

“Bullet in the head.”

You tense, your head flying to Simon. Your eyes are frantic, searching for something in his face. “He…he…?”

Christ. 

“No, no,” Simon scrambles to get his next words out, “Makarov. It was-” His voice cracks. Unusual. “-was too fast to stop it. To save himself.”

You hum, slumping down like it’s comforting to you that Johnny had his life torn from his arms. Like it’s comforting that Johnny couldn’t go on his own terms, but on the terms of a Russian terrorist.

“You know,” you say like you know he knows, “Johnny’s the reason I got out.”

Simon shifts. Johnny never talked about your discharge, always responding to speculation like he was none the wiser. “He is?”

“Yeah,” you laugh. It’s deep and watery. “Things were…bad one night. He found me. Talked me through the night. Listened to me.” You throw your head back, eyes tracing imaginary patterns on the ceiling.

“He told Price?”

You nod.

“That was after we…”

You nod again. Simon feels sick.

“It had nothing to do with you, Simon.”

“I never thought it did.”

“Then why,” you ask, “did you bring it up?”

Simon shifts. “Thought it was relevant.”

You smile, though your eyes are still lined with tears. “Guilty conscience?”

“Of course not, love,” Simon laughs, hoping you buy it. It works, he thinks. You seem to deflate, slumping a bit. You take some time to think. Simon, panicking at the thought that your self-reflection could send him out the door, pulls out the one trick he has over you.

He lets your legs fall. They bang against the cabinets with a soft umph from your lips. Simon slides off of the counter and stalks your way. You watch him and put up no fight as he slots his wide body between your knees. You don't even complain as the parting of your legs forces your skirt to ride even higher.

Fingers card through Simon’s hair. He hums.

“Why did you do it?” You ask.

Simon tilts his head, and with the wine in his veins and your hand in his hair, the world spins. Your other hand slips under the hem of Simon’s shirt. Warm fingers graze the skin of his stomach and then side, before your hand settles on his back, palm splaying across scarred flesh.

“I–” Simon croaks, “–I felt something for you.”

You snort. Simon’s chest burns and he takes some deep breaths to calm himself. He imagines Price’s paper bag, inflating and crinkling over and over.

“You knew I would leave. That’s it, isn’t it?” You accuse with a gleam in your eyes. “I was in a bad place and was leaving so it didn’t matter if you hit it and quit it.” You laugh. “You got what you wanted without risking your position.”

“That’s not true.”

Your thighs bracket his legs, trapping him against you. Your words curl around your wine-stained tongue. “‘I don’t love you’. Isn’t that what you said Simon?”

“Love–”

You tense, thighs squeezing him like a vice. “Love,” you coo, the imitation of Simon’s long vowels curtles unnaturally on your tongue. “Love, love, love. You know Simon,” you wrap your hands around the back of his neck and lean into the crook of his neck. Your lips brush against his skin as you speak, “You say it, but you’ve never meant it.”

“I’m sorry,” Simon utters, his fingers slipping beneath the hem of your skirt.

“You’re not.”

He’s not. He doesn’t argue. He could– should, rather –but he can’t think straight with you this close to him. The scent of your perfume itches the deepest part of his brain. You never wore perfume when on duty, rather, always coated in the aroma of base-issued shampoo and sweat.

“I really cared for you, you know,” you whisper, your lips millimeters from his, them parting when his fingers rub you through the fabric of your underwear.

“I know,” Simon closes the distance, capturing your lips with his.

He pushes you back onto the counter, you let him, lets Simon cage your body like he has the right to. You groan into his mouth when he traps your bottom lip between his teeth and melt when his fingers slip past the hem of your panties, his fingers plunging through the wetness into your cunt.

It’s obscene— the noises you make as he thrusts his fingers into you. With his free hand, Simon pushes your skirt up over your hips so he can watch your cunt squeeze around him.

He slides his thumb up to your clit and you gasp. “Simon,” you moan. He nearly stops. It’s been years since he’s heard you say his name, let alone moan it. Fuck, Simon can’t help but grind his cock against the island counter, groaning.

It doesn’t take much to work you into an orgasm. Before he knows it, your moans become softer, higher pitched, and you’re coming apart, clenching hard on Simon’s fingers.

He works you through your orgasm, whispering praise into your ears. Simon gives you no time before pouncing, fisting his hands in your hair and devouring you. You wiggle underneath his weight, uttering something, but the words are lost into Simon’s mouth. He pulls away, his eyes meeting your expectant ones.

“What?”

“Upstairs,” you say, chest heaving. “My room is upstairs.”

***

Simon wakes before dawn. He’s lying on top of you, your strong breath rocking him up and down. Your limbs are impossibly tangled. He’s reminded of an identical morning, years ago, of what he did then, and what that choice led him to. But that was years ago. You were different then, broken. How was he supposed to know that his choice would make you shatter?

He untangles himself slowly. It feels like the process takes hours, though the sun fails to make an appearance by the time he slips out of bed. The clock reads four in the morning. That explains it. It also explains the way the room around him is spinning slightly. He’s still drunk– or at least buzzed –from the night before.

His pants are an easy find, discarded by the door. His shirt though… Simon spins around the room, eyes glazing over the space. He tries not to take anything in too deeply, too personal for this morning.

He spots his shirt on your vanity. Simon yanks it off, but something hard and heavy comes with it. It nearly drops to the floor, but Simon catches it before it can hit and wake you up.

It’s a perfume bottle, heavy and half-filled. Simon can’t suppress the urge of his half-drunk brain to sniff it. The scent— the scent of you —explodes in his synapses. He tosses a glance over his shoulder, ensuring you’re still asleep, before pocketing the bottle.

The dog follows Simon as he walks through the house. Luckily, as he slips on his shoes, the dog disappears into the rest of the house.

Simon lingers with a hand wrapped around the door knob. It warms under his touch.

“Are we doing this again?”

He flinches at the sound of your voice, “I ‘ave to.” Simon stays facing the door, though he doesn’t make a move to turn around. He knows how he must look to you, too cowardly to face you. He’s reminded of the last time he spent the night with you. He got out scot-free. What would have happened if you found him then? Simon can’t say for certain whether or not he would have left then, if you called out for him in the same delicate voice.

“Stay.”

“What?”

“In New York,” you say, voice dry with sleep. “With me. Get out of the SAS, the 141, all that bullshit.”

“‘S not that easy.”

“It is. I left. You can leave. Or you can stay and end up like Johnny–”

“What do you know about Johnny,’ Simon growls, turning on his heels. He straightens his spine, puffing his chest up like you’re a threat. Your dog buys it, growling and worming himself between you and Simon. You don't take the bait though. You honest to God laugh in Simon’s face.

“I know enough.” You step closer to Simon. The pooch gets the memo, clearing the way for you. Simon almost does the same, he wants to. Some instinctual part of his brain needs to cave to you. “You mean something, Simon,” you flick your eyebrows up, letting them drop immediately. It feels like a challenge, like you were asking Simon the silent question. Do you matter? 

“You’re more than a soldier– more than a body on a field, waiting to drop.” There are tears in your eyes. You don't let them fall. Simon hopes you’ve finally realized that he isn’t worth your heartbreak. He’s never been, but at least your realization would stop his cruel cycle of him chewing you up and spitting you right back out.

“Come to New York, Simon, please. There– there’s a butcher shop up the block, they’re always looking for help. You said you used to do that stuff, right?”

Fucking hell. He had said it to you, years ago after a mission. Simon went drink for drink with Johnny and Gaz and got positively wasted. It was the night he first set his sight on you, when your tenderness sunk its claws into his heart and refused to let go. You didn’t know then what it would lead to. Simon did. Every love Simon had wilted in his claws. Why would you be different?

“Come here,” you plead, “Take the job with them. I can help you find an apartment or you can live with me but–” You grab Simon’s shoulders, tugging. It isn’t strong enough to turn him around, but he does. Your cheeks are wet and eyes glassy as you stare up at him. “Simon, it’s too late for us, but don’t let it be too late for you.”

Simon lifts his hand to your cheek, fingers grazing the plump skin. It slides to the back of your head and tugs– yanks you into his embrace as he crashes your lips against his own. The morning makes you soft though, as Simon nips your lips with his teeth, you melt, softening and slowing your movements.

It’s you that pulls away first, staring at Simon. You let him swipe his finger across your cheek, caressing you.

“Please,” you beg, kissing the palm of his hand.

Simon lets his hand fall from you. It sits achingly cold at his side.

It would be cowardly to leave you without a goodbye after forcing himself back into your life, even if it was for one night. Simon considers himself to be many things, but never a coward. Yet, standing in front of you, staring into your expectant eyes, words don’t come easy.

You step towards him. Simon steps back. The door knob presses into his back. His heart is pounding, the blood in his eyes deafening him. Your scent wafts his way, your perfume. The one whose bottle he knocked over, nearly let slip through his fingers and shatter. The one which you never got to wear in the 141. The one weighing down his back pocket.

“I shouldn’t have come,” Simon says.

He doesn’t look back. Not when you gasp his name. Not when he opens the door. Not when he walks down the snowy street.

Price and Gaz will ask about his holiday. They’re kind like that. In the cab to the airport, passing the bottle of perfume between his hands, Simon considers his answer. Single word answers are his forté, but won’t suffice with the prying curiosities of his captain and sergeant.

The answer comes to him when he sniffs the perfume once more.

In the coming week, when Gaz claps him on the back, he will ask, “How was the holiday, Ghost?”

Simon will answer, “I had a meal with an old friend.”

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley fanfiction #ghost fanfiction #cod fanfic #ghost x female reader

[tadpolesonalgae]

Azriel x third-oldest-Archeron-sibling!Reader: Can’t Bring Myself To Hate You

A/N: I was in the mood for a writing a heated argument that turns into an even hotter make-out session, but then it got slightly depressing so…

Warning: slight angst but not much because I can’t take that emotionally :’)

-Part 2[*]-

“How was she today?”

You fight the urge to clench your jaw. The harsh snapping of your book is the limit to how far you’ll allow the leash on your anger to slip. Jealousy? Frustration? Whatever complicated nonsense he’s gotten you tangled up in.

“No hello? What about a how are you today?” You ask tersely. So much for keeping your emotions on a tight leash. His brow narrows a little—you don’t usually bubble over when he asks how your older sister is doing. “You weren’t practically bed-ridden for months,” he replies slowly, gauging your response carefully.

Instantly, guilt weighs in the pit of your stomach, and you look away quickly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you,” you soothe hastily. Gods, why did you say that to him? You’re trying to gain his favour, not make him think you’re an ungrateful, self-absorbed sister. “She was fine. We did some baking—well, Elain did some baking, I was reading something. It’s a new book, actually! Because I finished the last one, which was actually pretty good, but this one I think is set in the last war and…” you trail off when you notice the patient smile he’s giving you.

Right. He’s not interested in what book you’re reading, or how you spent the day. He’s not interested in you full stop. He’s interested in Elain. You fight the way disappointment wants to twist the edges of your mouth, instead plastering on a smile that you hope he reads as oops, look at me! There I go again, haha.

“Well,” you say, swallowing the lump in your throat, “she made some cupcakes—I think they were vanilla, and she put something that looked like jam inside. Really good. I’m sure she’d be happy for you to try one—if you ask,” you smile, adding in the details he wants to hear. For the Spymaster, he’s surprisingly open about his interest in Elain to you. But maybe that’s because you’re always so willing to answer any question you can for him.

“I’m glad,” he says, something glimmering in his hazel eyes. “And there were no silent spots? No abrupt changes?” You return your attention to the book in your hands, fingers running over the bound edges, “she was fine all the way. You never would have guessed everything she’s been through.” He hums, pleased with her progress. It’s a sound of contentment, from the back of his throat that you’re certain rumbles throughout his chest. It’s an effort to keep your attention on the book.

It’s been more than two years since the three of you were tossed into the Cauldron. Feyre and Rhysand are happy, Nesta’s made progress on healing herself and is now alarming in love with Cassian, Elain’s taking large steps in a good direction, too. You remember vividly the time when she would hardly utter a word for days, hardly shift her gaze from a strange spot in the middle-distance, how worried she made you and Nesta. And Feyre, obviously, but things were a little…strange at the time. They always had been.

You spent the first few months struggling to hold a meal down, often being wracked with spasms of anxiety and flushes of hot and cold. There was a time you would black out if you stood up too fast, and now you can hold down three meals a day without needing to run to the nearest latrine provided you don’t eat too quickly. You feel like yourself again, but fresher. You know you aren’t the same as you were, though. Not after the Cauldron, but you had no choice but to adapt. With eternity ahead of you, you couldn’t stand the thought of spending it weakened and frail—hardly capable of standing without feeling dizzy.

Maybe you are a little jealous that Elain’s getting all the attention. She’d always been the centre of Nesta’s attention, and while you were on fairly good terms with your oldest sister throughout your childhood, you were no competition for her sharp mind and sharper tongue. Feyre was the wild one, Elain the pretty one, Nesta the cunning one—then there was you.

What’s your place in your dysfunctional family?

“It’s good she seems to be steadily improving,” Azriel says, breaking you from your inner thoughts. You nod dutifully, agreeing with him. “She smiled for most of it, too,” you add, remembering how pleased she’d been when they came out how she wanted—after numerous attempts. “Though she was covered in flour—her hair was practically white!” You laugh fondly, covering your mouth with your hand.

A faint smile appears on his lips and, for just a moment, you let yourself pretend he’s smiling at the sound of your laugh.

But that’s all you have to report back to him, and even if you’ve pleased him, he’ll be finding an excuse to slip off now that he knows she’s been fine. You’ll admit, it’s difficult to remember she’s your sister when he so clearly would choose her over you. It’s not even a competition.

So you swallow your nerves, tuck your hands behind your back and peer up at him. “Hey, you read right?” You ask, keeping a pleasant smile on your lips—lest he think you’re too eager. He blinks out of whatever thought he was having, clearing his gaze as he looks down at you, then nods. “I’ve been known to pick up a book from time to time,” he answers. He’s in a good mood, it seems.

“Do you have a favourite?” You ask, tipping your head at a slight angle, appearing to look at the books stacked on the shelves. “I feel like I’ve been rereading the same story over and over again and want to try something else.”

“You’re asking me to pick just one?” He replies, quirking his brow. The smile that comes to your mouth isn’t as fake, or as controlled as you would like—it stretches your lips thin, showing the gaps either side of the top row of your teeth.

“Okay, give me a couple to have a nose at. So if one bores me to tears, I can pick up another,” you laugh gently, pulling the book tight to your chest, worried you’re showing too much. Does he know how your days often centre around whether he’ll seek you out? The too-short conversations that often revolve around your sister?

“Does Elain read?” He asks, tentatively, and it’s like a stone to your cheek. You clutch the book tighter to your chest, taking in a slow, quiet breath. “I can ask her? Subtly, of course,” you force a smile, fingers digging into the spine of the book. He shakes his head, “I’ll do it. I’d like to see how she’s doing for myself.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “to be fair, she might be sick of them for how long she was in here last year. They might be an eyesore by now,” you laugh softly. But instead he frowns disapprovingly, like you shouldn’t be making jokes at her expense. And suddenly that urge appears, the urge to confront him about his behaviour—why he never talks to you for you.

“Azriel…?” You say, the smile slipping from your lips, though your make sure your eyes still sparkle a little, keeping them partially crinkled. But then you bite the inside of your lip, and the rest of the mask fades, leaving you raw, and more than a bit scared. If you overthink it, it’ll never get done.

“Why do you…I don’t feel like you ever…like we ever talk. Us,” you say, then flush at the word—so intimate. Us. “What do you mean?” He asks, standing sturdy before you. A seed of frustration sprouts within, but you push the irritation away. “I just…You’re always asking me about Elain.” His brow narrows a bit, and you want to take the words back.

“What else?”

You look up at him, all beauty and classical grace, and such unearthly, ethereal lines and angles to him you wish you knew how to paint like Feyre. “What do you mean, ‘what else’?” You ask, a little hurt.

“I mean, is there something else you want to talk about?” He asks, gently. Carefully.

My book would be nice. I’d like you to ask how I’m doing today, how I’m feeling, what I want to do.

“Something that doesn’t involve my sister, would be nice,” you laugh, giving him a smile that reads, can you really blame me for not wanting to talk about Elain all the time? He doesn’t smile like you’d hoped, but frowns. “Do you not like her?” He asks instead, “did something happen between you two?”

“No,” you say hurriedly. “No—nothing happened, we’re fine. Right as rain. It’s just…you always ask after her, and I feel like that’s the only reason you approach me.” You swallow, having begin to put the truth out there for him. “You seem fine talking about other things with Feyre and Nesta, but I can’t remember the last time we talked about something that wasn’t my sister, and I… I don’t really…” You trail off, watching him nervously.

His frown only deepens as he takes you in. “I’m asking out of concern for her well-being, you understand that, don’t you?” He asks.

“I know, I know, but…are you?” You reply, managing to reign in your wince at the blunt question. When he only looks at you without response, you push forward. “I mean, you…you like her, don’t you? That’s why you ask all these questions? Why you care more than the others do?” You say, fighting to keep your voice even as the words come out. “And there’s nothing wrong with that,” you quickly amend, “but, you know, it would be nice to talk to you for you. And you for me. And, you know, she does have a…mate, so, I just thought—”

“What did you think?”

You blink at the sharp tone, his eyes colder than before, more sealed off. Still, you square your shoulders, keeping the book tucked tight against your front. “Well, that, maybe, it would be better to try somewhere else? Instead of investing in someone who’s practically already taken?”

“She doesn’t love him.”

“I know she says that, but—”

“But nothing,” he says, brow narrowing. “The mating bond can’t force someone to fall in love. If she doesn’t want him, she doesn’t have to have him.”

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips as you shift on your feet beneath his penetrating gaze. “Feyre and Rhys worked out,” you manage, eyes flitting away from his, focusing on the book in your hands. “And she didn’t love him at first.” The paper’s old and crisp—worn with age. “Then Nesta and Cassian also got together, too,” you add, the pads of your fingers dragging over the pages, “and you saw what Nesta was like. How badly she was struggling. They didn’t look like they were going anywhere but destruction, but—”

“Are you done with the nosey speculation into other people’s relationships, or is that how you’ve found yourself filling your time?”

Again you blink at him, caught off guard by the ice in his tone. “I’m not saying it’s wrong to pursue her, Azriel,” you appease—try to. “I’m just saying maybe you could try looking…elsewhere, you know? Maybe try something with someone else? That won’t end badly?”

“You don’t know it will end badly,” he replies, all former warmth gone, no trace of it in his beautifully designed features. “It will for someone. Even if you and Elain do somehow end up together, what about Lucien? If it were Feyre and Rhys, or Nesta and Cass, would you think it okay for someone to try and separate them? When they were chosen to be together?”

“Bad pairings happen. Rhys’ parents are a fine example.”

“Yes, but they’re rather suited for one another, don’t you think?” You ask, pushing forward, “Elain’s always excelled at social events. She easily settles into the flow of conversation—she knows what to say, and how to act to put people at ease around her. And Lucien does the same. He knows how to draw ties between people where there seem to be none, just like her. He knows how to keep conversation flowing without pushing it, how to keep things at the right pace, just like her.”

“While you…” you pause, and his jaw tightens.

“Go on,” he says icily, “tell me why think I’m undeserving of her.”

“I don’t think its a case of deserving, Azriel,” you say quickly. “But you…well, you try to blend into any corner you can when there are more than three people in the room.”

His brow narrows, “I didn’t realise you’d been keeping tabs on me.”

“Yes, well, you’re the only one I’m interested in, so.” Your voice is soft, bladed, honed. Resigned. You lips press into a thin line as your eyes flicker away from his, too embarrassed to look even in his general vicinity. You had never anticipated laying your heart to bare to be so…scary? Terrifying?

Anti-climactic.

Admitted in such a quiet, understated way. As if he isn’t the first one you’ve ever felt so strongly for. As if he isn’t the first one who’s given you a vague understanding of why some women were so happy to do whatever their husbands told them. Why they were so happy to live in subservience, and why that’s not what it was.

“You think you’re deserving of me?” He asks, coldly. Shame and embarrassment heat your features, but you manage to shoot back, “do you think you’re deserving of her?” You cross your arms over your chest, trying to prevent yourself from being intimidated by his height, and muscle, and beauty, and overall damned attractiveness that makes you weak in the knees.

His upper lip twitches in a repressed snarl, anxiety spiking in your chest. “Answer my question,” he says, softly, an edge to his voice. You swallow, “answer mine.” You’ve never demanded something from someone before, but it’s out there now, and it feels surprisingly good to insist on something for yourself.

He regards you silently, and it takes a remarkable strength to stand still beneath his icy gaze—knowing that he’s judging what he’s seeing. Weighing if you’re worth his answer.

“I think I gave a hint of my interest for her,” he says, eyes glittering with something cold that you’re unaccustomed to have turned on yourself. “And she reciprocated with her own signs.” He stares you down, unyielding, and powerful, and you want to run and hide. “What about you?”

You purse your lips to keep them from trembling as heat crawls beneath your skin with humiliation. But—no. Get over it. Make it through. Survive something else. “I think I’m tired, and hurt from knowing that you only talk to me because you want to know how my sister is doing,” you confess, voice wobbling. “I think it’s cruel to continue asking after her when I so obviously answer every question you have just so you might pay me a little more attention.”

There’s no bite to your words, and they come out softer and weaker than you had expected. You feel tired, and drained. Eyelids heavy and heart rate spiking every other beat, numerous crescent shaped indentations on the heel of your palms.

“Maybe you’d be better off turning your affections somewhere they’d be appreciated,” he says, icily. Your heart aches, and it takes a few humiliating moments for you to gather yourself enough that you won’t burst into tears when you again find your voice. “That’s all you have to say?” You manage, fingers trembling behind your back.

“Maybe if you were even half the female she is, I’d be tempted to show a little interest,” he snarls softly, eyes glittering with cold rage.

It feels like a smack to the face, a punch to your stomach. Your eyes go wide, then blur, hot pressure building steadily. You dig your nails into the binding of your book, and move to walk past him—at least preserve what little dignity is still intact by refusing to let him see you cry. He already barely sees you as a woman, you won’t win any points with your blubbering. He wants a female, not a girl.

But he seems to realise what he’s said and turns, gripping your upper arm to keep you from leaving. You allow him to stop you, if only because demanding he let you go would show your tears. “I didn’t mean that,” he says quietly, and you can hear the pity in his voice. “I spoke in anger, I did not mean to upset—”

“Get those hands off me,” you snarl, turning on him with defensive ire blazing in your pupils. Rage fresh from the forges.

He recoils as if you burned him. Retreats a step.

“Not nice, is it? Targeting someone’s insecurity—rubbing salt into an open wound?” You snap, blinking away the tears and pulling your arm back to yourself. “Don’t come asking me for updates on Elain again. I don’t want to talk to you if your only interest is in getting between her legs.”

He’s silent for a moment, and you debate just running from the library—you can feel the storm in him brewing, and you’re not sure you’re ready for him. But he doesn’t wait for you to decide, because the storm breaks right then and there. “At least she has someone interested in getting her into bed,” he says softly, hazel piercing into you. “Can you say the same?”

Mortification flushes your skin, mouth parting in humiliation. “I—…This is inappropriate,” you hiss to hide your burning shame. Because no, it’s always been Elain and Nesta to be pursued. His eyes gleam, reading your thoughts clear as day in your expression. “Thought not.”

Pain twists viciously across your chest, heart strings being plucked within an inch of snapping—pulled taught around your throat. “If I’ve never taken a man to bed, it is not because I am unwanted. Rather that I would not waste my self nor my time on someone I was not sure about. That I did not want with everything I have,” you whisper hoarsely—the final layer stripped bare for him to slice and dissect.

But then he steps forward, and without thinking, you yield a step. He’s not perturbed, and takes another. “You admit you have no experience in bed, yet think you could handle me?” He snarls softly, wings flaring ever so slightly at his back, shadows thickening. “I don’t think it’s a matter of handling you, Azriel.” His name is a little more than a whisper from your mouth. One he tracks eagerly.

“No?” He asks, stepping forward again, slowly herding you. “Then what?” You swallow, trying to stand your ground, but the sense of him is so overpowering, he threatens to obliterate every ounce of your own self. “I think it would be a matter of learning. And if you think I’m unprepared, then Elain is definitely no better off, so that clearly isn’t your issue.”

“At least she’s shared the bed of a man before, at least she would know what to do.” You don’t correct him that you have, in fact, shared a bed with a male before. A few in fact, by this point. Nesta’s the bad influence. He steps forward again, and he’s towering over you, hazel glittering between his shadows. “At least she wouldn’t lose her head over the slightest touch.”

And then his hands have landed softly on your hips, and your head is silent. Only his touch on your body, his warmth on your skin, seeping into your clothes. Does he find your shape pleasing? Is he feeling this mind-numbing shock? The tingling at his fingertips where they’re pressing into you?

For a too-long moment you just stare at him, thoughts eddying about without a destination, floating throughout your conscious.

“Still in there?” He taunts quietly, pushing you back, turning you gently as he feels the heat radiating from your skin, the stiffness to your body beneath his touch. It’s only when a hard, wooden shelf digs into the base of your spine that you realise he’s pushed you against the case. You open your mouth—to say what, you don’t know. He beats you to it either way. “You want to prove you haven’t already lost your mind?” He says softly, voice like a lover’s touch. You can do nothing but stare at him, panting softly, completely at his mercy. “Tell me to stop, or I’ll keep going. Say no, and it finishes,” he murmurs, keeping you pressed tight between his hips and the book case. “But I think you’ve already lost.”

You blink up at him, hardly a thought behind your eyes.

In the back of your mind, you’re struggling frantically to decode his words, translate them into something that makes sense. And then his challenge clicks, and you take a sudden, deep breath. You need to tell him to stop, to show him you’re still in control of yourself—that you haven’t lost your head over the slightest touch.

But then his mouth latches over yours, tongue prying your lips apart, and your efforts of rebellion are washed away. You go all warm, and soft, and pliable in his hands, melting like butter as you coat him. His piercing hazel eyes lock with yours as his mouth slants, one hand rising to the curve of your spine, pulling you against his front.

How are you supposed to stand against him when he annihilates everything that you are with the softest brush of his fingers—fingers that are now tracing up the path of your spine, reaching that final notch as they tangle with delicious pressure in your hair. His gaze cuts into you as his tongue drags across your own, flicking at the roof of your mouth.

He’s utterly unruffled, and you feel like you’re on the verge of bursting into flame right there, setting him ablaze in the process.

But then you’re again subverting his expectations, your hands flying over his shoulders as you tilt your head to allow him deeper. The only sign of surprise he allows is a blink of his eyes, but you’re already lifting onto your tiptoes—the swell of your breasts dragging over his chest in a way you must’ve learned males like. But where would you have learned?

Your arms tighten, then your hips are pressing against him, and—you’re fighting back, he realises. And for the first time in a long, long time, he feels excitement flare deep inside him as you stride to meet him. No matter that you aren’t Elain: he’s hungry, and you can make your own decisions. If you want him to stop, you need only say the word, and he’ll be off you. But if you don’t…well, he’s not going to be the one who backs out first.

He has a damn point to prove—that you have no idea what you’re getting into with him.

Taglist: @myheartfollower @tcris2020 @mali22 @amygdtjhddzvb

#azriel #acotar #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #shadowsinger #Azriel angst #Azriel x Archeron sibling #part one #Can’t Bring Myself To Hate You

[wings-of-ink]

God-Cursed - IF

DEMO link below.

You were found as a newborn, clutched in the arms of your dead mother at the base of a tree. No family came to claim you, but the men who came to your rescue adopted you as their own and became the only parents you’ve ever known. Growing up in the village of Stonebrook, you never want for much, until the day you first fall ill. Life plagues you with a mysterious condition that no one can diagnose or cure. You never know when it will strike or if it will eventually kill you. Living between fear and hope as you age, you try to come into your own as an adult with the ever-looming threat above you. As years pass, your condition seems to improve, until a mysterious mark appears on your body and opens up new questions.

It appears that you’re marked for death with no answers as to why, and your only chance to survive is to go out and seek them.

Journey through the land of Iroda, a fantasy world where the gods have abandoned their people and magic no longer prevails as it once did. Something is brewing that may change this world forever, and you’re in the middle of it, though your role is a mystery you must solve. Wanted dead by some and alive for mysterious purposes by others, you just want to survive. With the help of a few friends, find the answers that you need, and make your choices.

Customize your character’s looks, gender, sexuality, and personality. Choose to pursue someone in romance, friendship, or as simply a means to an end.

For those aged 18+ only.

Potential triggers include, but are not limited to:

swearing

violence

blood with possible gore

human death

childbirth with complications resulting in death and allusions thereof

natural animal suffering & death (skippable)

chronic illness of MC with severe symptoms

religious trauma, & cults

depression/anxiety, nightmares, and disparaging thoughts.

optional sexual content

This list may expand as the story grows. Remember, your MC may have plot armor, but they are never safe from harm.

This story will have four main love-interests, detailed below, and one “mystery” romantic option. In addition, for readers that wish, there will be optional physical-only encounters that can occur with two of the ROs and a couple characters that your MC will encounter in the world. Should your MC wish to woo one of the love-interests, they will eventually be locked into that relationship. There will be no poly options for this story.

In the world of God-Cursed, MCs will be free to explore all relationships to a certain extent before making any permanent choice. Until then, flirting is regarded as simply another aspect of socialization. If your MC is the flirtatious type, they will not be “punished” for it. A couple of the ROs may be a bit anxious about your MC’s interactions with others if feelings are stirring, but it will not do permanent damage to the relationship you’ve built.

Your MC will not only be able to flirt with ROs either. Regular characters that you come across may have flirt options that will not lead to any sort of relationship, but might be useful in flattering your way into their good graces. Perhaps your MC may earn a permanent discount with a merchant or pull a secret from a cult member after making them blush from flattering speech. Or, your MC may irritate someone who doesn’t appreciate the advances, making your task more difficult.

Three of the ROs are gender-selectable (and will be cisgendered to your choice). The remaining two (including the mysterious suitor) are locked into male.

Main Companions (romanceable):

Oswin Twinflower

[AKA: Yarrow] (he/him – gender locked)

A childhood friend who’s just not the same anymore. Once a free-spirited softie with a perpetual smile and a penchant for mischief, Oswin has grown into a dour adult. After he came of age, he slowly distanced himself from you. In the ten years since, interactions between you have been awkward or downright hostile with no in-between. He doesn’t joke anymore. He doesn’t smile anymore. There’s something lost about his eyes these days…

-Personality: despite that furrow in his brow that says ‘stay away,’ Oswin actually prefers being in the company of others, as he cares deeply for friends and family. He’s organized and thorough – valuing the predictable and structured, and being driven to always improve upon his skills. Oswin can also be self-conscious, hard on himself, and a bit insecure.

-Appearance: standing around 6'2"/188cm with athletic build, Oswin has black hair that is slightly wavy and kept to his ears, bright-green hooded eyes, and brown skin with bronze undertones. He has a firm squared jaw, which is often prickled with light scruff. Oswin most often scowls, even when he doesn’t necessarily intend to. He dresses in simple tunics with leather armor and boots, and isn’t one for frivolities save for a special tattoo & necklace hidden under his clothing. A few notable scars mar his flesh, each telling a story. His sword is always kept at his hip.

-Occupation: Oswin makes his living as a sort of mercenary (though, he’d insist on being called a “hired hand”), mostly escorting wealthy merchants from town to town. He also helps as a local guard and is very popular among the villagers. Having trained with one of your fathers in the arts of sword and bow, he’s renowned as a formidable combatant.

-Fun fact: loves honey – is terrified of hates bees.

Zahn

(gender selectable)

A sweet and fun soul whom you meet along your journey. Zahn is just trying to fulfill their duty to their faith. They seek to help you in anyway they can, though there’s something torn behind their smile. Where did this fun-loving acolyte come from, and why do they look so sad when they think no one is looking?

-Personality: social and sweet, Zahn is enthusiastic and open-minded about most things. They’re incredibly flexible (in mind and body) and see possibilities in everything, being highly adaptable and skilled at improvising. Casual, warm, and always friendly and willing to lend a hand, they can make a very trustworthy companion.

-Appearance: about 5'5"/165cm tall with a petite build, wild blond hair and round blue eyes, Zahn has fawn colored skin with a rosy hue, and a dusting of light freckles with a touch too much wind and sun across their cheeks and nose. They appear a bit tired with slightly sunken eyes and a mite too thin with the lines of their jaw and neck a bit too pronounced – evidence of years of difficult living. If they grace you with a toothy smile, you may be lucky enough to see the slight gap in their front teeth. Zahn dresses in rough linen tunics, usually with layers to make up for how thin and hole-filled they are. They have a particularly ratty cloak that they seem to cherish.

-Occupation: acolyte of Din

-Fun fact: They may be a bit malnourished on the small side, but that doesn’t stop them from wielding a bow with scary strength and precision.

Duri’naan

[AKA: Duri] (gender selectable)

A demigod to whom you owe a debt, they seem quite curious about you.

-Personality: charming and laid-back, Duri prefers their own company most of the time but readily embraces tight friendships, of which they never tire – though it is all or nothing for them, no surface-level relationship will work for long. They are perpetually curious and casual, having an air of cool confidence and a love for teasing, which can sometimes make them appear disinterested or cold. They are always paying attention, even if it doesn’t seem like it, and often understand others more than themselves. They can stress easily – especially when things stop being fun, be a bit competitive and too independent for their own good.

-Appearance: standing approximately at 5'9"/175cm with a lithe but toned build, Duri’naan has long and straight grey hair, and honey-brown upturned eyes. Their skin is a warm beige, lit up with a bright smile that sometimes shows off a little sharp snaggle-tooth. They bear a strange scar on the back of their neck and are missing a bit from the upper part of one ear. Duri wears simple clothing made from a single and very long swath of blue-grey linen, wrapped around them in such a way that you’re not quite sure how it stays up. They also hate shoes for some reason and are always barefoot.

-Occupation: just takin’ the air, you know, not fishing.

-Fun fact: Duri’naan has a hobby of stealing miscellaneous things from others just to watch how they react (they always return what they take, leaving the items in strange places).

Rūndis Lyreheart

[AKA: Rune] (gender selectable)

A serious and powerful mage with an oddly fervent dedication to the God of Destruction, Casimir. Though they are capable of wielding great power, they prefer to spend their days as a traveling bard – saying it’s for the purpose of angering their mother. They’d have you think they could not care less about your plight, yet cannot resist lending a hand.

-Personality: Rūndis is an introverted day-dreamer who is curious and in search of deeper meanings at all times. Though they dream, they also have a rational side that comes with a penchant for efficiency and decisiveness. They tend to be calm and analytical, but are prone to anxiety especially in close relationships, making them seem a bit aloof or combative.

-Appearance: standing around 5'7"/173cm, Rune has shoulder-length curly hair that is all black except for a flash of purple on one side. They have almond-shaped purple eyes that are a testament to the magic that flows easily through them, and a beauty mark just under their right eye. They have a strong build and umber skin, wearing a stoic and serious expression that you wouldn’t expect from a bard. Rune favors fine robes and cloaks in colors that match their eyes, but only when they choose to stand out, otherwise they prefer common clothing. Tattooed upon their chest as a sign of devotion is the sigil of Casimir. They also adorn themselves with different types of jewelry.

-Occupation: traveling bard (primarily)

-Fun fact: Rune can play about any instrument you put in their hands, but their favorite is the lyre, which they play so well that many audiences have been left in tears.

Other Characters:

-Dov Northbreaker [Your papa]

Your loving papa is a mighty woodsman with an even mightier heart. The typical gentle giant, Dov has raised you with love and care since you were a babe. He’s deadly with an axe, though he only uses them on trees.

Dov is soft-spoken, very introverted, and shy. He has an affinity for animals and carpentry. He loves to create and fix anything and everything especially for his child or husband. Dov is also a very deep feeler and, though the quiet type, wears his heart on his sleeve – easily tearing up when moved.

Your papa is extremely tall and has very wide shoulders with massive muscles built by chopping trees down by hand for many years. His skin is tan, his eyes are brown, as is his shaggy hair, but his beard has patches with dark red running through it.

-Kip Northbreaker [Your da]

Your fiery da and spouse to your papa, he’s as quick to sass you as he is to shoot a bow. This lovable clown understood absolutely nothing about children, but adopted you regardless when you needed a home. He loves you with his whole being, even if he never lets you win at darts. He works as a huntsman and fisherman, and though his skill is unmatched, his looks and demeanor never seemed to fit his choice in work.

Kip may be the compete opposite of his husband, being extroverted and, often, loud. He tends to be the life of a party, and seeks to make everyone laugh. You grew up with him pranking you as often as possible without doing too much psychological damage.

Your da is above average in height and has an agile build with a good amount of muscle from wielding a bow regularly. He has fawn colored skin, short and wispy brown hair, and hazel eyes. He keeps his beard cropped short and always seems to be smiling. He has a love for expensive clothing and pops of bold color.

-Lakota Twinflower [AKA: Aster]

Your best friend since childhood, Lakota is an affectionate soul who would never hurt a fly – though he’d give it a stern talking-to. Being sickly as a child, you were brought together a great deal, especially since his parents are the town healers. You were practically joined at the hip, enough that people believed you were siblings.

Lakota is sweet and gentle all around. Taking after his father, he loves to help others and is skilled in medicine. He’s a soft sort and a little bit gullible, which his sisters frequently took advantage of growing up. He was always closest with his big brother, Oswin, and you. He takes what he perceives as failure very hard, so he strives to do things perfectly.

As an adult, your friend is fair-skinned, with wild curly blond hair that reaches his shoulders. Being almost average in height, his frame is quite lean and wiry from his years as a sickly kid. He has deep brown eyes, cannot grow a beard for anything, though he has tried about every tonic combination to encourage one.

Customize your MC

Play as male, female, or non-binary

Pick your character's physical appearance (including tattoos)

Choose a main hobby/skill/career your MC excels at

Get a cool scar with an interesting or embarrassing story attached

Buy 1 of 4 nameable mounts to ride and feed treats to

Shape your characters personality throughout the story (no “personality checks”)

Romance some people or don’t

Create a steady and enduring love with 1 of 5 suitors

Make some life-long friends

Enjoy some aromantic physical encounters with 2 ROs and/or NPCs you meet in the world

Enjoy some romantic physical encounters with all 5 ROs at some point in the story (some ROs will require a locked-in [committed] romantic relationship before you get to this point)

Go on a quest for answers and survival

Meet some gods

Find some demons

See the magic that still lingers in the world

Get the shit kicked out of you and have a few mental breakdowns totally fun times

Demo:

Error Report Form:

Last Update: February 2024

Anticipated next installment: Late April 2024

Content: short prologue and Chapters 1 & 2

Current Word Count: approx. 92k (with code, which adds at least 10 pounds)

Twine Template:

https://vahnya.itch.io/

Pinterest:

https://pin.it/5LOcQlPq1

Music: (not my playlist, but highly recommend it)

#interactive fiction #interactive novel #twine wip #if wip #fiction #fantasy #interact-if #if game #twine if #twine game #choose your own adventure #cyoa #cyoa game #romance #amare #amare game #god cursed if #Spotify

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey, guys! I've been receiving a ton of messages in response to my last post. It's reminding me of how I first discovered shifting. I feel like doing a little story time since Ive just passed the three-year mark of my discovery, and I've been reminiscing with friends about it.

I remember being in a very dark place when I stumbled upon shifting. I was depressed, and very suicidal. Yet, there was this unshakeable optimism inside me that I was meant for an extraordinary life. Despite my mental state, I had a lot of knowledge of subliminals and the law of attraction (-_-). These gave me hope, but they weren't enough tbh. I didn't want to attract my dream life through practicing gratitude or becoming a magnet for my desires or whatever. Nor did I want to have to listen to subliminals for years on end to achieve my goals. My list of desires was so long, and I needed everything to change that going step by step and waiting years for each one to manifest just wasn't feasible.

But I refused to give up. One day, after a particularly hard day of being sad per usual, I searched on Quora for something like "fastest most powerful subliminals on YouTube ever" (Y’all 😭😭). Among the recommended sub creators, I found a video called "Desired Life: Reality Shifting". The description promised everything I had ever wanted: waking up with all your desires fulfilled permanently in short. It piqued my curiosity so much. Could I really just wake up with my dream life, family, house, wealth, all based on my scripts and imagination?

Growing up, I was a heavy maladaptive daydreamer. From ages 10-17, I created alternate lives in my head, telling myself I would go there someday. I was always doing SATs (State Akin to Sleep), and I think that's what kept me from ending it all. I was constantly in the wish fulfilled state, even though I didn't know what that was at the time.

Back to my story, I went into the comments of that video and came across a guy who claimed that after a week of using this subliminal, he woke up with a new life as a multi-millionaire living in his dream penthouse. I messaged him, and he gave me his Instagram which showcased his luxurious life. He had what seemed like a perfect relationship, he was very attractive, had so many cars, and travelled 24/7 while having a six figures amount of followers. He was living proof that this wasn't just scripting. Also the law of attraction community is known for their mad expensive coaching.. like hundreds of dollars per hour for questions and he was answering it all for free something I didn’t see the law of attraction community. And I talked to him for hours! He never got mad, he had proof, and he was kind, proof and the behavior of someone who really had mastered the art of life.

After our conversation, I spent the next couple of months doing research. I found numerous stories about glitches in the matrix, accidental shifting, people entering parallel realities, and eventually, shifting communities on platforms like Amino and Reddit. It was stuff I already believed in and did in my imagination; I just didn’t know there was a term for it.

Then I got reminded of a memory that I had seriously repressed bc it was so fucking weird. When I was 6 and my brother was 3, we were absolutely obsessed with dodo birds. One day, we were outside playing, and on god time seemed to stop. Out of nowhere, a dodo bird appeared. I know you’re probably like “maya be so fr rn you were a kid” but no, This wasn't just our young imaginations running wild - there was a bird that was huge, dinosaur-like, exactly how dodos are described in books and pictures we had.

Then things got weirder. Suddenly it started raining eggs. Big, large eggs everywhere it was so gross and my brother and I were a mess. We were young, sure, but not stupid. We knew this wasn't normal. My brother and I rushed inside to tell our dad. When I managed to drag him outside, he was furious, accusing me of throwing eggs everywhere. To this day, he tells the story of the time I "trashed the backyard with eggs." And every time, I'm like, "Dad, where would I get that many eggs?" We didn’t have eggs but so he assumed I stole them and we went inside for hours and it was magically cleaned. So he also tells the story of how responsible I am and how I took accountability for my actions even as a child. I didn’t clean that shit bro and I tell him that too and he just laughs it makes me so mad.

My brother, who knows I'm into reality shifting (though he doesn’t really believe in it), can't explain that day either. He often shrugs it off as a "glitch in the matrix," which honestly, well no duh it is a shift dummie. He does believe in manifesting but only bc he has seen me use it and he experiences the good things I manifest as well. They’re the same thing anyways but that isn’t the point

The reason I'm bringing up this bizarre childhood memory is because during my months of research into shifting, I found countless stories of accidental shifts, people entering the void, entering parallel universes, time glitches, examples of the Mandela effect first hand, glitches in the matrix and etc. It was like uncovering a myriad of experiences that confirmed what I already believed: we can change and choose our reality. I just didn’t know the phenomena had a name. Obviously in the future I came across other things like the law of assumption, the void state, etc etc but this was where it started.

I wish I had saved all those fascinating stories, posts, and blogs. I might go back and compile everything I found because they were so real and enlightening. It will probably take forever tho if I do choose to do that, but I think it's worth sharing.

In the meantime, check out this accounts of accidental shifts that my friend shared with me this account https://instagram.com/tessicavision?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA== based off the Glitch in the Matrix subreddit which is also a goldmine of people experiencing similar phenomena. It helped me make sense of my own experiences and might do the same for you.

I don’t want this to be too long and I already got to the point I think! but regardless stay curious and realize you’re really not that special. I mean ofc you are, i mean this is not some tumblr thing teens girls discovered or created and isn’t even limited to “spiritually/manifesting inclined people” I think at the beginning of my journey people talking about accidental shifts and such, inspired me more than purposeful success stories because they really have no reason to lie and they were looking for answers just like I was.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #reality shifting #shiftblr

[billiedeansbitch]

𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞 (𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑)

(𝐋𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

Summary: The one where in Larissa sex life is no longer boring or Larissa took chance on a young shapeshifter who had a massive crush on her.

(AO3 link in the title)

A/n: after what it feels like a year of depression (lol) part three is finally done. (It's the longest chapter by far so buckle up)

<<PREVIOUS PART

It had been two weeks since she found out that she might be, as ridiculous as it sounded, carrying your child in her womb though she was still in the shadows of disbelief and that the results were something of an error because how? Just how…could this all make sense? Even with the results she paid hefty for wasn’t at all convincing. Were there some lessons she missed in the anatomy class that could somehow explain this phenomenon? 

It felt cruel and sad, being played like this, it was her body yet it felt like it wasn’t her own. She was supposed to feel it, right? She should know like all the women who were able to predict their pregnancy by trusting their instinct—maybe her instinct wasn’t that strong enough to feel the changes going on or if there were any to begin with but her period was late. She missed it and that was enough for her to worry.

But alas, Larissa gave her mind a rest, choosing to not dwell on the matter; her days went as normal, nobody suspected anything, not even you. The sex continued, and it was great. She was living her best life…supposedly.

When morning came and the sunlight swept across the walls through the gaps of the curtains at seven in the morning on a wednesday, Larissa was up and about managing through her routine that she had so religiously been doing ever since she could remember.

The coffee was left brewing in the kitchen for later while she took her time in the bedroom, picking her clothes, the accessories she’d wear for the day, her perfume, what kind of wrist watch she was in the mood for and so on. Again, everything was normal like it should be.

Sated with the outcome of her makeup, she gave herself a once over through the mirror. She then slipped her kitten heels over her stocking clad feet, feeling them in since they were new and fresh out of the box.

Looking past her shoulders, she couldn’t help but let her eyes wander to her already made bed. Only three days ago you were lying there on your stomach, clad in nothing but her shirt that was obviously too big, swallowing your form until the tops of your thighs as you “innocently” read a book from her shelf.

It could have fooled her by the way the space between your brows creased but upon seeing the cover was turned upside down she knew you were only doing it for show or maybe you were bored out of your mind that your last resort to ease yourself was by doing something remotely childish.

Larissa made it a point to tell you that you were “reading” it wrong as she crossed her bedroom to grab a set of underwear from her drawer to which you told her that it was on purpose, that you were testing out how far you could read them upside down. She hummed, a smile unfurling on her lips. The woman was inexplicably drawn to you that even this did nothing to change her mind about you.

She let you be, hearing your soft murmurs in the background as she slid some clothes on. It was funny to think that only half an hour ago you were rearranging her insides and whispering filthy things into her ear making her own cum spill down the bedsheets. God, she was missing you already and there was no way she was able to deny it by the way she felt her chest squeezed.

The kitchen smelled like coffee when she entered the space, its aroma was so rich it nearly made her salivate. She needed it to start with her day knowing well that her body required it to function and stay alert, yet in the midst of pouring herself a cup, Larissa halted feeling a strange turn in her stomach and put the pot down. What little she had poured was wasted away in the sink.

Instead, she grabbed something to snack on: a mix of nuts that she had been liking as of late. She then left the house early and opted for a concoction of fresh blended fruit juice as well as two medium sized blueberry muffins from the roadside cafe on her way to Nevermore, she also ordered a loaf of their special banana bread with the intention to share it with the Nevermore staff and a slice for her, too, just incase she got hungry in the middle of work which she often did these past few days.

–

“Good morning, Principal Weems.” Enid, ever the sweet girl she was, greeted Larissa in the hallway on her way to the teacher’s lounge holding the goodies in one hand as the other held her drink.

The bounce in Enid’s step was enough for the woman to feel sort of amused. She reciprocated the smile and she greeted her, too.

“You look glowing, Principal Weems.” The younger woman chirped, still smiling. Larissa felt blush creeped to her cheeks. It wasn’t odd for Enid to rain people with compliments, it was actually her brand, and Larissa wasn’t a stranger to it as she, herself, had received it plenty of times yet she found herself dumbfounded particularly by this one. Her, glowing? Of course, she kept her appearance as sophisticated as one could muster while running an entire school of outcasts but glowing? No amount of makeup or creams or moisturisers she lathered her skin with could make her glow unless Enid was lying. Or buttering her up for something she wanted to ask as a favour from her later.

Before the woman could react, Enid was saying goodbye and breezed past her to catch up with her friends in the end of the hallway.

She brushed it off and headed to the teacher’s lounge.

This time it was the new professor who complimented her whilst taking a slice of banana bread for herself. Larissa could only stand right there and smile.

One by one they all had their piece, the last one to grab was Professor Vladimir, moaning when he took a bite. Larissa felt pleased by everyone's reactions, it was as if she baked it herself.

The little nudge on her arm pried her mind off of her thoughts, it was Professor Vladimir eyeing her, it was something that let Larissa know that she should leave now or she’d have to put up with his teasing.

“What’s the special occasion?” He had this irritating habit of wiggling his eyebrows up and down while he gave her smile that was just as ridiculous. “Had a good lay, Rissy?” She knew that nickname was coming and yet she had the audacity to be shocked and eyed him dirty.

“Do me a favour and shut your mouth, Vlad.” It was spoken discreetly low that only he could hear it. Looking around, Larissa felt eased seeing everyone was busy conversing amongst themselves.

Alexander Vladimir was her friend, a gay guy that had this exceptionally good facial harmony even with the moustache that made Larissa want to shave it off herself. They had been friends since their own time at Nevermore, and now, here they were, still friends though Larissa doubted it wouldn’t be for long if he kept pestering her with his comments about you. (Oh yes, he knew about you.)

It all started when he caught you one afternoon creeping out in the hallway, Larissa’s lipstick smeared on your skin and hair was a little bit tousled. It wasn’t rocket science to figure that you were both fucking, he could never judge one’s happiness. He had taken so much pride knowing something else not many were privy to. It made him lose his goddamn mind and since then he never stopped harassing her with questions and teasing.

And although Larissa wasn’t ready to spill her secrets out, it oddly felt good to finally talk about you, to have someone listen to her as she gushed over and over how amazing you were as a person but of course it didn’t all happen in one seating during tea time. He coaxed her out of it and in return, he divulged his recent rendezvous with the groundskeeper. To this day, Larissa felt traumatized from all the information her friend should have kept all to himself.

“Tell me, love, have you done anal? Or ninety-six ‘cause girl, you are fucking glowing. You aren’t keeping her hostage under your desk or tied to your bed posts, are you?”

Larissa nearly did a spit take, though she quickly recovered and schooled her expression. She did a quick sweep around before jabbing her elbow to his side earning her a yelp.

“Girl, you can deny it in ten different ways and I ain’t gonna believe you. Who cares if you do? I don’t. You can keep her all year long over or under any surface of your office and I wouldn’t dare say a thing.”

Okay, that was it. Larissa’s nostrils flared, eyeing down the man. If he could casually talk like that with all these people in the room, no doubt Larissa could casually wring his neck as well but the thought soon vanished when another teacher joined their space leaving Larissa fuming underneath a calm expression.

She put a practiced smile on her, looking sweet and all as if in her mind she wasn’t thinking about murdering her friend.

It was Mrs Bowen, the music teacher, rubbing her very swollen pregnant belly in front of Larissa. A belly that Larissa could swear wasn’t as prominent as it was now when she last saw the woman, she couldn’t even recall if she sent a congratulatory note or anything.

Subconsciously, she placed a hand flat on her stomach, mimicking the other woman.

“Mrs Bowen! It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages. How far along are you again? It looks like you’re ready to pop!” It was Vlad who broke the ice first. Larissa stayed silent, pensively rubbing her thumb on the soft spot of her belly.

“Almost eight months. I’m carrying triplets.” She made a show by pushing her belly outward.

“Damn that’s a horde! How many positions did you do with your husband to conceive not just one but three?”

The high pitch chuckle broke Larissa out of her trance, removing her hand and letting it fall on her side to appear as if she was smoothing her dress. Thankfully everyone was well occupied to notice the gesture.

“Just one. It runs in the family you know. My husband is a quadruplet.”

“Wow…okay, wow. Really wow.”

“Congratulations on the babies again, Mrs Bowen. ” Larissa said finally.

“Thank you, Principal Weems. I kinda want to ask you, well, I was gonna drop an invitation at your office but I can’t climb two flights of stairs like I used to anymore so I’m just gonna say it. It’s my baby shower this upcoming holiday break. I know it’s quite early but my husband and I decided it’s for the best.”

It was plain as day that the impromptu invitation had caught her off guard, she blinked a few times, she didn’t even realize her jaw was clenched and her brows were raised, as her breath was suspended.

She looked at Mrs Bowen’s face, then down her engorged belly, then back up to her face again. She had no qualms with the pregnant woman, hell, Mrs Bowen was the sweetest, most down to earth living person she encountered in this godforsaken town, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be in a…celebratory mood?

“That’s—” it felt like her voice was caught up in her throat “—that’s wonderful. I, um, I have to check if my schedule is clear but I’ll keep it in mind.” she said, putting a practiced smile on her face. She wanted to leave.

“Excuse me, I have to go. Have a lovely day for both of you and see you around.”

–

Larissa sat in front of her desk, the drink she had was forgotten on the table letting the condensation from the melted ice drip.

Seeing Mrs Bowen in her state made Larissa think about herself. It made her heart beat faster, the image of herself with a big protruding belly was unnerving enough as it was and it was made worse by the thought of how, just fucking how, was she going to go through all stages of pregnancy. Not that anything was confirmed yet, but she just couldn’t help herself.

And it terrified her. The future terrified her. If only she could just pull out the test kits she had hiding in her drawer and piss on it, wait for some goddamn five minutes, and be done. She would at least get a grip of what was really going on, though it felt like it wasn’t that easy.

Maybe a part of her was already hoping no matter how much she denied it while the rest was just scared of the disappointing truth but wouldn’t it be better? You were young, free spirited, you often gush about how you’d want to travel the world and explore. You had a full life right ahead of you and she was not selfish to ask anything of you but she knew you were not a terrible person, you wouldn’t just leave.

Thinking about it made me nauseous. It wasn’t supposed to get this serious. None of these were supposed to happen.

She was fucking turning forty-four in a few months, and this kind of dilema was absolutely not she was expecting at this age.

That day she decided she was too overwhelmed and unwell to properly function so she gave into her whims and she went home and spent the rest of the day in her bed wishing you were there to hold her.

–

Eventually it was the end of the week with a long weekend ahead, Professors were gathering their belongings to spend weekends with their families for those who live far away, and students were getting ready for whatever plans they had for the weekend.

She watched from the balcony how the thick crowd dispersed until few of the staff were left roaming the grounds, only then did she summon herself to collect her things, deeming herself ready to go home.

In the middle of applying a fresh coat of lipstick, she couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the silence, the hollowed feeling that lingered in her chest. She didn't know how the thought got to her but she imagined a gummy smile welcoming her home with a tiny pair of hands opening and closing, too eager to grab a fistful of her clothes. The smell of baby powder and cologne as she buries her face on the crook of a little one’s neck and then you…

She thought about you kissing her and helping take her coat off. She thought about spending her Saturdays in her backyard, lounging on a massive picnic blanket under the tree, indulging the day with books and some wine, and then you’d be both surprised because your daughter just took her first step, and her heart was clenching, a proud smile displayed on her face while you were absolutely freaking out because what if she fell flat on her face?

(Okay. Fuck. Goddamnit)

The sound of the drawer slamming closed harder than it was necessary reverberated in the room. She was hot on her heels, ushering herself into the bathroom, leaving the door open, she held two pregnancy tests with a firm grip.

With bated breath, she sat on the toilet and used the first stick.

—

When you arrived on a Saturday morning, Larissa had just come out of her bedroom. You were still in the hallway, your overnight bag hanging on your shoulder, two paper bags occupying your arms. On your way, you took it upon yourself to buy groceries not wanting Larissa to think you were freeloading off of her or abusing her kindness, plus you thought about cooking for her instead of feeding her take outs.

Your eyes lingered to the way the flimsy straps of her baby blue nightgown that hung loosely on her shoulders, it made you feel things, and when they went south noticing how it was cut mid her thighs, giving you enough skin to ogle at. You couldn’t possibly contain your hunger for her. Her skin looked supple, rosy around the cheeks and freckles around her shoulders going down the length of her arms.

Her nipples peaked from the chill of the morning, and the sunlight casted on her skin gave an ethereal kind of glow. You couldn’t ponder how this was real. How she was real.

Before taking the groceries to the kitchen, you dropped the bag in the hallway, mentally noting to pick it up for later, “I let myself in again thinking you were still probably asleep.”

You walked up to her and she met you halfway. There were bags under her eyes denoting the lack of sleep, and her eyes, they look tired and conflicted.

The groceries almost fell when she surged forward, hands cupping your face, pressing a kiss on your lips and knocking out your breath. You wanted to grab the back of her neck, pull her deeper and kiss her harder. You wanted to reciprocate her obvious longing but you couldn’t unless you wanted spilt milk and raw eggs all over the floor.

“Mhmm, later. I need to put this away first.” So with that, you reluctantly pulled away, sauntering over to the kitchen to put the bags on the counter where she followed you, not letting herself be away from you and it made your heart clench.

Larissa kept the distance between you within an arm’s length, leaning her back on the counter behind you, watching you take the fresh produce out of the bag one by one but there was a lot packed in one bag and you didn’t think you had the patience to put them away, not if she was looking at you like that, not when something felt wrong.

The eggs were the last thing you pulled out and set on the counter. When you faced her, she had her lower lip worried in between her teeth, “Baby, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

She shook her head, stepping closer. The instant you opened your arms, your bodies collided. She rested her forehead against yours, “Sorry.”

You brush a strand away from her face, letting your fingertips linger around her jawbone, “It’s okay. I missed this, too.” you told her, getting a sense that it was the reason that made Larissa emotional, and to think that missing you had this effect on her made you want to wrap her in your arms more; to never let her go.

You offered her a wink, hoping to enlighten her and kissed the tip of her nose, it usually earned you a chuckle or a kiss in response but right now, Larissa only sighed.

Your mind circled back to how you thought her eyes looked very tired, and they still were, missing its shine. You could barely see yourself reflecting in them.

“How about you steal a couple more hours of sleep, hm? As soon as I’m finished putting the groceries away, I will lie with you and then after you have your rest we’ll have breakfast. I’ll make waffles, you like that, right?”

It took her a moment to reply, her eyes watching you closely like she had many times before after sharing an intimate moment that left you both emotionally vulnerable.

“I missed you.” she said, cupping your face. The pad of her left thumb grazed the corner of your lips, stroking the skin tenderly.

“And I missed you a whole lot more. So, so much. I have been thinking about you day and night. Most of my dreams were about you which is embarrassing because even in my sleep, I was obsessed about you.” That, thankfully, made her smile even just a tiny bit, barely perceptible if you hadn’t been this close to see it.

“Do you mean it?” She asked and you gave her a reassuring nod.

“Yes, I do. Now, let’s get you in bed.”

In between the conversation, you felt yourself closer to slipping from what you really wanted to tell her, though you held back and managed. It still felt early to say it and you were afraid of how she’d react. There were too many what ifs and none of them were doing you good. So, as long as you didn’t say it, you still had a chance of still being with her and protecting both of your peace.

Looking away, to shake the thoughts off, something caught your attention interestingly enough. On the bench at the end of the bed, you recognized the neatly folded clothes. They were your pyjamas. She must have been expecting you last night, you knew she had this habit of preparing both of your clothes whenever you were staying so it wasn’t completely random to find them there.

In that moment, from where you stood, you were struck with just how much Larissa deeply cared for you. It was palpable from the things she did for you, for what she had sacrificed by far. Because you knew a woman in her twenties being seen in public with another woman twice her age would have had people to turn their heads, and it was sad because it would only take a second for them to judge you, but mostly her. In their eyes she was a predator that preyed on the young. It would do less damage on you even if you were the one who pushed yourself to be with her.

She had a reputable image that she was putting at risk for you so if that didn’t speak volume of how much she was willing to do to be with you, you would be a goddamn idiot to still think that this woman didn’t feel the same way as you do if not more.

“Darling?” Her voice reeled you back at the present moment, she was already in bed, laying on her side with her head propped on her hand.

If your heart could grow every time you think you love her, it would have been massive, uncontainable even. Yes, yes you love her.

“Just give me a second,” You shed your pants, followed by the shirt you have on, then you reached behind you to unclasped your bra which soon fell on top of the messy pile. At this point, your body was on autopilot, acting according to what felt necessary.

You needed her to know that her effort hadn’t gone to waste. You took the simple white tee from the bench, sniffing it briefly. It smelled like her. In fact, the whole room smelled just like her, and you basked in its scent, in its comfort that it gave you knowing that as long as you were in this room you were hers and she was yours, the rest of the world didn’t matter.

You joined her after, sliding into the warm soft sheets and into her awaiting arms. You throbbed to be this close to her all week long, nothing could make up for it, not the facetime calls or the voice messages, or pictures. They all did manage to fill in at least an inch of your longing but nothing could quite beat having her next to you and breathing onto her skin, feeling her pulse beneath your touch and her lips against yours.

She was the pleasure you couldn’t deny yourself from. Every single bit of you was latching like vines around her unwilling to release itself. You craved for the sweet taste of the mornings where her smile ended up on your lips, before you were lapping up the coats of her essence around your fingers and swallowing it.

The silence stretched for a while, the words you wanted to relieve your chest from stayed caged; guarded within your ribs. You wanted her so much you wanted to do this right and you would…just not right now.

Everything was in motion when you blinked, your breath coming in deep, expanding your lungs with the sickening burn. Her scent filled your brain with a high level of dopamine making you feel fuzzy all over.

“What happened to putting away the groceries first?” She asked, a mild tone of amusement apparent in her voice, shifting herself so you could lay your head on her arm.

You snuggled forward, hiding your face on the crook of her neck, “Change of plans.” You breathed out. You then sling an arm around her waist, bridging whatever gap was left until you were all flushed against her with your legs slotted in between her thighs. “Would you rather I do them now?”

“No. I want you exactly where you are right now.” And to prove her words, Larissa wrapped her other arm around you, trapping you into her hold then she hummed, threading her fingers along your hair.

You smirked against her skin, feeling the light satisfaction her answer gave. “That’s what I thought.” And for sure she must have felt it or something because she playfully pinched your arm.

Repeating the process of combing through your hair, you grew silent, your breaths were evened and relaxed, even the tension she noticed the moment she held you disappeared. For a second there she thought you had fallen asleep, which made it kind of funny because you were the one who insisted she was the one who needed some sleep, but she wasn’t going to tease you now. Perhaps, you were just as tired as her, she couldn’t ponder how you could get up at the ungodly hours of the morning and drive two hours to get here.

That was until her skin was met with the warm wet feeling of your mouth. The sensations she adored had rendered her eyes closed. “Darling,” Her hips bucked in the slightest way. It felt like encouragement on your part, as well as the way her back arched causing her breasts to thrust forward. And you couldn’t keep it in yourself anymore, you detached your mouth from her clavicle, continuing your exploration to her mouth and kissed her while you palmed her breast over the silk.

She paused in the middle of the kiss, brows knitting together. You felt her hand cupped the back of yours stilling your movement, “Be gentle,”

“But I’m being gentle?”

“Extra gentle, honey.” You nodded, leaning forward to kiss her again, and your hand resumed working on her breast, “This okay?”

It took her a minute to answer a simple “yes...” it was breathy, almost sounding unsure, but she pushed herself, nibbling on your lip before you had the chance to overthink her tone and you kissed her back with feral need.

The pleasure was slowly building instead of pain, and it went on, until eventually you were yearning to have it in your mouth. With a simple yank on the neckline of her nightgown, her breasts were freed and exposed.

The sight of her nipples hard and rosy sent blush all over your face, it was like seeing them the first time again. But what really tipped you over the edge was the way they looked fuller, more supple and round with new veins visibly showing.

Her fingers in your hair grew slack before they found purchase on your shoulder when your lips suddenly took one nipple in, and it was chased by a muffled cry.

Pushing your shoulder back, she looked down, surprised by just how sensitive and sore she was and it hadn’t been a minute since having them in your mouth.

Wide eyed, you asked, “Sorry, did I hurt you again?”

“No, they’re just quite sensitive.” she was rubbing the nipple with her thumb to alleviate the tingling.

“I’m really sorry.” The fear of hurting her again extinguished your desire, even if it was unintentional you couldn’t erase the pained expression she had.

“I told you it’s okay.”

“Maybe we should stop? Or are you hungry? I can–” Larissa grabbed your wrist before you could get out of bed.

“No, no, not hungry, though a few hours of sleep sounds appealing now.”

You returned back to your previous position, “I’m sorry to cut your fun, sweetheart.” She dropped a kiss on your forehead, her thumb rubbing your brow to soothe the frown on your face, “I’ll make it up to you later, is that alright?”

“We don’t have to do anything later if that’s what you’re hinting at. I’m content to just lay here with you and spend the rest of the day rotting in this bed.”

“Oh, is that right?” Larissa chuckled at your choice of words, pressing a kiss onto your hairline.

“Ahuh, I’m okay. Now, will you turn your back on me please, and let me spoon you?” your voice was muffled by the soft skin of her chest when you murmured.

“Did I hear you right? My baby wants to spoon me?”

My baby. Your chest tightened at that. “Please?”

You both exchanged a look with smiles invading both your lips. Without another word Larissa turned her back on you and you gladly offered your arm for her to rest her head, while the other hugged her waist from behind.

Quickly, you were both engulfed by the blissful comfort of silence, hushing the pestering thoughts that loomed. It settled your heart at the right pace. You ever wondered if it ever felt the same way for her.

And as if she could read your mind, she held your hand and brought it to her chest letting you feel her heart thudding softly on your palm. You took that as the answer and smiled.

“Good night, my love.” You nuzzled your nose on the side of her neck like a cat, smelling traces of her body wash and perfume, some of her shampoo as well. Your brain was so fuzzy it didn’t question the last two words.

Meanwhile, Larissa’s heart leapt to her throat.

–

The last time Larissa had locked herself in her office’s private restroom, pacing back and forth with her head pulsing, was outreach day. She was barefooted, she had an unlit cigarette in between her fingers thumbing the filter, too tempted to lit the stick.

And yesterday, she found herself in the same situation. She paced along the black and white tiles with her arms hugging her middle. She had an impending headache so she stopped and pressed her back against the wall. She closed her eyes for a minute, feeling the coolness seeping to her back. She would probably regret this right after but she was far too emotionally stressed to care. She then dramatically slid down until she was sitting, the length of her legs stretched out, one ankle over the other.

The beating of her heart was too damn fast, her tears welling up the corners of her eyes until her vision was a blur and it all came leaking down her face.

On the counter, near the sink, two white test kits laid parallel to one another showing identical results.

Larissa laughed when she picked it up again, staring at the two visible pink lines.

#larissa weems x reader #gwendoline christie imagines #larissa weems imagine #larissa weems #principal larissa weems #larissa weems smut #gwendoline christie #larissa x reader #billiedeansbitch #some g!p action

[lemonmaid]

"I was reincarnated as a baby in a video game that I originally trapped in!"

Finally, the long wait sequel 😭

Warnings: fluff? Malleus is delulu

A/N: I've had to rewrite this four times due to my shit just not saving and I kinda got burned out and gaveup? I'm sorry if the ending looks rush, I will try to make a final at one point

"Sebek!!! Please for the love of the sevens, please quiet down! You're making the baby cry!"

"HOW CAN I? THERE IS A BABY IN THE WOODS! IT CAN BE A DEMON!".

Silver and Sebek bickering, it was almost reminiscing. Well if only they haven't left this place only a couple of hours ago just to re-land back into this place.

'Sliver, Sebek, please! I'm crying because I'm a fucking baby. Come on guys? Don't you recognize me?'

(Name) thought about it, if a couple of hours back in their world was only a few decades for this world- (Name)'s faced paled, 'Oh my God, do I even look the same? Do I have a tail or ears now? Lets just pray I have magic this time'.

"Maybe they're hungry?"

"Let's take them to Master!"

On the way to the castle, the two still bickered, leaving (Name) to remember what it was like before.

(Name) looked around, nothing looked too familiar but Silver and Sebek looked older. Silver had grown out his hair, holding it in a ponytail like Lilia. Sebek had also grown scales on the side of his face, like his grandfather. 'How long has time passed?' (Name) wondered.

Thunder was getting louder as they reach the castle, light spread in the sky. Causing (Name) to involuntary cry, 'Everything is so much louder as a baby' (Name) noted.

"Hey hey, shhhhh, it's okay little one, no more crocodile tears" Silver commented.

"STOP THAT"

"stop what"

"Puns!"

'Yep, just like old times' (Name) sighed.

As they reached the gate (Name) noticed that the Valley of Thorns wasn't so much a valley anymore but a fully flourished town, bustling with those old 1920 wind-up cars.

Sebek turned to Sliver, "stay here while I go fetch us a car, I don't think we could walk anymore with that thing hold us back".

As Sebek left it was just Silver and (Name), Silver had a sad look in his eye while looking at (Name). "You know it's kinda funny... we are kinda of the same".

Thunder roared in the sky. Sliver looked up to the clouds, "it seems like Malleus is upset again, maybe father cooked again" he chuckled.

'Silver has matured...' (Name) wanted to tell Sliver how proud they were, but all that came out was small cooing.

(Name) fell alseep in the car, their small baby mind and body made it exhausting to do anything, even thinking was exhausting.

"Hmm, they seem a bit malnourished". Lilia stared at the sleeping child.

Sebek scoffed, "Well of course, we found them in the labyrinth".

Malleus sat on his high thrown, watching the three bicker around the sleeping babe 'Reminds me of a certain tale'.

Malleus was uninterested, Sebek requesting an audience, rather demanding. Malleus could careless about a baby found in the middle of a labyrinth, he was more concerned about the shining light that came from said labyrinth. He thought about the perfect, he thought that they finally came back after all these years, maybe they had change their mind? Maybe they realized that this world was better than their own magicless, depressing, pathetic-

"Mallllleuus~ you're ruining that family relic we call throne with your nails".

Malleus scoffed, " I don't have time for this. Where is the perfect? Did you two come empty handed?".

Malleus's loud voice awoke (Name), startling them. Malleus aged like wine, his piercing green eye stared into their soul.

Sebek coughed before yanking (Name) out of Silver's arms. "Master! We found them where the light ended...... There was no perfect....".

Green magic engulfed their tiny body bring them close to Malleus.

"Now be careful Malleus~ they are just a babe".

As (Name) floated in the air, Malleus stared into their soul. "You're telling me... that this is all the sevens have blessed us with? How.... generous". Thunder echoed through the throne room, lighting flash. Sometimes (Name) forgot how powerful Malleus was. This was the man who could change the weather based on his mood.

As (Name) floated closer, the more scared they became, not of malleus but how utterly helpless they were, stuck in a baby's body.

"Hmmm, I smell no magic in them, but their eyes..... me of a certain human....from many years ago". (Name) floated into Malleus arms, his breathing hitched. Wrapping their tiny arms around the man, hugging him. Feeling his breathing change and how the storm that roared slowly soothed.

Malleus smiled fondly at (Name) their eyes locked.

"You shall be called "(Name)" in rememance to my dear friend, no, someone who was very dear to me. Now, now do not argue young one That is an honor. I have alot of respect for this name".

'How original Malleus'

"And you shall call me father aswell".

'WHAT' (Name) wailed.

The kingdom of thorns rejoiced when Malleus announced his new "hier", the kingdom could be heard throughout the night celebrating.

Malleus rocked (Name) back and forth as they slept.

Malleus looked at (Name) fondly, “How old do you think they are Lilia?”

Lilia sighed as he watched the celebration down below.

“I do not know, but I do know that the-”.

Malleus growled, “I do not care for what those old bag of”, he breathed, calming himself before he could awake (Name).

Lilia looked at the scene before him, reminding of himself in the past. Scared and alone with a baby, trying to fill a hole on his heart that was empty at the time.

“since the perfect’s birthday soon, that shall be (Name)’s new birthdate, (birthdate), that's soon, right Lilia? We must have a celebration!”.

Lilia sighed looking at the boy he could call a son, “I'll call the Rosehearts-”.

A celebration in deed, it reminding (Name) of that one scene in Shrek 2. No, it was that scene. A large red carpet to the entrance of the castle, the throne room decorated way to elegant for a baby's birthday, clothing to elegant for a mere child's birthday. (Name) watched boredly in Malleus lap, watching many make conversations. Some would occasionally walk up to the two, bow, leave a gift for (name) and walk away.

“Well look what that cat dragged in” Malleus teased.

‘Leona! Ruggie!’ (Name) involuntary cooed. The two obviously aged, while the Fae barely tinted. Leona’s hair gotten darker and Ruggie got taller.

“What poor person had the unfortunate to bed with a lizard?” Leona snickered.

Ruggie sighed, “Leona! Best behavior man-”

“Yes Leona, best behavior we wouldn't want another PR incident”. Malleus smiled.

‘election? I thought the Sunset Savannah was a monarchy? Is Leona trying to turn it to a democracy?’ (Name) was in deep thought, just how much has changed.

Lilia walked up to the three, “Boys couldn't you pick another day to brawl? Leona, hold your comments, aren't you trying to get supporters on your side for an election?”.

As (Name) was in deep thought, they were then host into Leona's arms.

"What's their name?"

"(Name)".

Leoma looked at Malleus with disgust and rage, "you think you can replace them!?".

Malleus glared, "I could never replace (Name) that is (Name)!".

Leona felt rage boil within him, staring down at (Name).

"Your scent... it smells like"

'Come on Leona, you can recognize me!'

"Like shit! Does anyone around here know how to take care of a baby? Their diaper is full!"

'DAMN IT'

"Stop that crying, you have no reason to cry".

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #leona kingscholar #twst crack #mallues draconia #platonic #twst x reader

[mioakem]

Sometimes I remember that nico lost his mother and then was put in a hotel for seventy years and finally get let out and then found out that his dad was a Greek god and he was so excited but then his sister decided to join the hunters of Artemis and he’s happy for her but also scared once he finds out that she’s going on a quest so he makes the cute guy who saved him earlier promise to keep her safe only for him to return after the quest and tell him that his sister had died and then everyone hated him because of who his father was and he realized he was in love with the guy who he blames for his sisters death and hates himself for it and then he goes on a side quest with Percy and brings him to his fathers palace under the impression that hades just wanted to talk with Percy because he said that it he brought Percy to him then he would tell him more about his family but then hades tricks the both of them and imprisons Percy and Nico goes to save him but Percy doesn’t trust him anymore and then he single handedly brought three gods to help with the battle of manhattan only to still not feel welcomed and then he learned that there might be a way to bring back his dead sister only to find out that she had chosen rebirth and then found his other sister and brought her back from the fields of asphodel and then found another camp and started to actually heal and then Percy shows up with no memory and he lies to him and promptly dips and ends up completely alone in Tartarus only to get kidnapped by two giants and get stuffed in a jar with only a limited supply of pomegranates and then when the seven finally come to save him he finds out that most of them didn’t even want to save him and thought it would just be better to leave him in the jar to die and then he had to watch the guy who he’s not rlly in love with anymore fall into Tartarus but not before making him promise to lead a group of people that hate him to the house of hades and he agrees to it and then everyone except for his sister stay away from him because they think he’s creepy and weird until he has to go on a side quest with Jason to retrieve something from Cupid and he is forced to admit that he was gay and in love with Percy to a guy he barely knows let alone trusts and then realizes that no one would hate him because of that and he makes his first actual friend and then he volunteers himself to go on a deadly quest to take a ginormous statue back to camp via shadow travel and he nearly dies from it but he also developed a strong friendship with Reyna along the way and after the war he finally allows himself to be loved by his friends and tells Percy how he used to feel about him and meets Will and is finally happy for the first time in a while and then his boyfriends dad shows up as a mortal but he doesn’t think much of it until one day he feels the same feeling he felt when Bianca died and realized that Jason had died and goes into a deep depression and then Reyna also joined the hunters and everything just sucks again but at least he has Will and people at camp don’t really hate him anymore but then he starts getting plagued with nightmares and it gets so bad to the point where he finally gives in and goes down into Tartarus again but with Will this time and is forced to face his demons but ends up embracing them and freeing his friend and everything is now kind of okay again and he starts kinda developing a friendship with Piper and he’s actually happy but who knows how long that’s gonna last cause he’s been happy before and look where that got him

#and this is just from memory #I don’t remember if he had any intense feelings abt Reyna joining the hunters but I just feel like if he didn’t then he should’ve #I love every member of the seven but I will never forgive some of them for saying they should just leave Nico in the jar #and Percy I love u but u were such an asshole to Nico and I can’t forgive u for that #praying that if we get there they fix Percy and Nico’s relationship in the live action cause wtf was that 🙏 #also im sick and tired of ppl in this fandom blaming Nico for everything (looking at u Percy fans) #anyways live laugh love Nico di Angelo #Nico di Angelo #Percy Jackson #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #hoo #heroes of Olympus #toa #trials of Apollo #pjo hoo toa #Jason grace #reyna avila ramirez arellano #will solace #solangelo #Bianca di Angelo #Piper mclean #ricky when i catch you ricky

[uzuikyo]

take me by the hand

inspired by this tiktok video that shattered my fucking heart &lt;/3 i couldn't stop crying after seeing that video send a therapist

pairing/s : akaza x fem!reader

genre : angst, fluff, smut maybe

warning/s : major character death, mentions of infertility, pregnancy, fingering, shower sex, pregnant sex, childbirth (normal & c-section), stillbirth (the baby suffocated from the umbilical cord wrapped around its neck), self-harm, suicide, everything’s just mostly sad and depressing, ): poor akaza, (pls forgive me if some of my medical knowledge or writing are inaccurate), also it was 2am when i wrote this so if there are some grammar or spelling mistakez, i apologize >.<

wc : 3.3k

ON REPEAT 🔂

🎧 understand x pluto projector (keshi, rex orange county)

“congratulations! we’re all sooo happy for the both of you!” your best friend, mitsuri, had tears forming in her eyes as she gently pulled you in a hug to not squeeze you and the life growing inside of you. you hugged her back, thanking her as you tried calming her down.

you accepted her gift after pulling away from each other, placing it on the table just for all the presents and gifts. you were feeling kind of overwhelmed as you did not expect this many of them.

your husband saw you and felt your anxiousness. “darling,” you hummed, looking at him. “you okay?” akaza had that soft look in his eyes like he always did ever since you two got together. you nod, “just a little overwhelmed is all. i didn’t know it was going to be such a big deal or something.” you chuckled and akaza let out a small smile, placing a hand on the small of your back and rubbed soothing circles on it.

“everything’s going to be fine. i’m going to be beside you. always. i know my soon to be princess needs her mommy and daddy.” he placed a hand on your round belly and kissed your forehead before both of you went on with the celebration.

all of your friends and family attended the baby shower and all of them were very happy for the both of you to be finally having a child of your own after years of babysitting and stealing your sister’s and mitsuri’s kids and after years of trying for one yourselves.

you and akaza always took it slow and patiently ever since your obgyn informed you about having a low percentage of conceiving a child. this, however, did not stop your lovely husband from adoring you and even told you that it doesn’t matter if you were able to give him one. kids or not, he still loved you no matter what and that was enough to make you feel better.

although you do admit that other women who were able to conceive in just a few tries made you feel insecure and jealous. it made you question yours and your husband’s relationship, but akaza always knew how to reassure you and make your mind be at ease. and you loved him even more for that.

you couldn’t ask for a better husband than akaza.

“akaza!” you giddily shouted from the bathroom and your husband was in your sight in a second. “well?” you showed him the result of all the the pregnancy tests. it all read ‘positive’.

“all three of them.” you said, tears forming in your eyes. “akaza…” a sob escaped from your mouth when he picked you up and spun you around. “we’re having a baby!” his blue eyes were filled with excitement and love as he looked at your tear-stained face. “i love you so much, darling.”

akaza put you down and kissed you like the world was ending. you pulled away, resting your forehead on his but you couldn’t stare at him for too long so you buried your face in his chest, uncontrollably sobbing. “thank you for being patient with me-“

“hey, i don’t wanna hear it. i told you, didn’t i? i don’t care as long as i have you with me.” akaza mumbled in your hair, caressing your back. “but right now we have received what we’ve been wanting for a long time. and i thank the gods for that.”

akaza was there with you for every check ups and ultrasound. you remember how smiley he was when he got the very first ultrasound pictures of your baby from the doctor. his smile got wider when the doctor added how healthy your baby was in that moment that you felt like his mouth would tore apart.

first trimester

“babe.”

akaza groaned from the light taps on his shoulder. slowly opening his eyes, he looked at the clock which read 2:48am. “you need anything, darling? is something hurting or bothering you?” his raspy voice indicates how he’s trying to stay awake.

akaza fully opened his eyes and immediately got up when he saw the tears im your eyes. “i’m craving some mangoes. and pickles.” your reply made him think about whether to laugh or curse at himself, but he eventually pulled you closer to him, trying to soothe you by caressing your hair.

“shh, it’s okay. i got you, baby. you’re not bothering me. i told you i would be right beside you, right?”

every midnight and 3am cravings were fully satisfied with a sleepless and tired akaza in the morning. everytime he would get up to buy or prepare your pregnancy cravings, he would make sure you eat well and go back to sleep which leads to him not being able to go back to sleep. although sometimes he does try, cuddling in bed with you and just waiting until he falls back asleep— which sometimes works.

akaza also dealt with your crazy mood swings during the first trimester.

how you would cry over as simple as not being able to fit in your old jeans anymore, or because the whole tub of ice cream that only you ate ran out. or it may also because of a character that died in a movie or series you’re watching.

how you would snap at him over the littlest things. like not holding your hands, or not giving his attention to you immediately, or not being able to answer your calls within the first ring.

and how you would laugh at literally everything. from rengoku saying his famous “umai!” everytime he eats, to mitsuri’s kids running around and trying not to fall face flat on the ground. also, how you laugh at every serious conversations and scenarios you’re in.

lastly, akaza was the most careful as if he was the one pregnant. he did not let you do any straining activities— even exercising or walking around too much! because he knew that this part of the pregnancy stage was the most crucial one.

and you understood that. you didn’t mind his overprotective nature since this was your first child and both of you you did not want anything bad happening to you and the baby.

second trimester

your bump was more visible now and you can kind of feel the additional weight on your body. you started buying more maternity clothes because most of your bottoms won’t even fit your waist anymore.

the little human inside you also started to kick in your womb. you and akaza would always wait for the baby to kick in the morning right after you wake up and whenever you were doing something exciting as you noticed your baby always responds to happy emotions. like when you’re laughing too much or eating your favorite foods.

akaza was still tending to your every needs and cravings. although it wasn’t as bad as the first few weeks of your pregnancy, but the mood swings were still there.

however as the cravings faded, your hormones started to spike up.

“babe- fuck, are you sure you’re okay with this?” akaza tries his best to hold back, but you always pushes him to his limits. “yes, akaza, please. need you right now.” you ran your hands from his naked chest to his lower abdomen, teasing the waistband of his boxers.

his fingers dipped inside your panties, gently sliding over your now wet slit. “already so wet for me, baby?” you nodded, cheeks flushed as you moaned from the feeling. “please- need to feel you inside me already.”

akaza placed his lips on yours along with the slip of one finger inside you, making you gasp in his mouth. “keep making those noises for me, pretty girl.” he groaned, adding another finger.

“f-fuck, yes-h-haa…” the kiss turned sloppy as his fingers moved faster, his other hand playing with your swollen tits. “look how pretty these tits are. so soft and swollen, hmm-“ you sighed, neck falling back onto the pillow as he sucked on your nipple, his other fingers playing with the other.

“‘m cumming- fuck! a-ah.. akaza-“

akaza curled his fingers inside you, hitting the spot once again as you finally released. your white juices staining the bedsheets as you tried to catch your breath.

“you need help bathing?” you nodded at your husband, smiling sheepishly. “yes please, i can’t clean my legs cuz of my tummy.” you pouted and he chuckled, “alright, ma, i’ll help you. like i always do.” akaza winked at you, and you lightly smacked him on the chest.

with a hand on your elbow and another on your waist, akaza helped you step in the tub, carefully guiding you down to sit as you held your growing tummy.

akaza made sure you were relaxed and settled before letting you go and grabbing the loofah, pouring a good amount of your favorite body wash. you sighed, closing your eyes as he began scrubbing and washing your body— starting with your shoulders and chest area.

"thank you," you mumbled, leaning your head against his chest as he continued on gently scrubbing your tummy and down your legs. "this is the best that i can do since you're doing all the hard work for our baby." he pressed a kiss on the crown of your head.

after your body and hair were all washed up, akaza got you a towel and carefully helped you get out of the tub to dry you. "lotion?" you nodded at your husband's question and he happily grabbed the bottle of lotion and started applying some on your back, softly massaging every area.

it was such an intimate and peaceful feeling. you were looking at him through the mirror as he was doing it and you let out a moan when he started massaging your breasts. "that feels good?" you nodded, letting out a whine when he suddenly pinched your nipples. "akaza!"

"wanna make you feel good.." he hummed, enjoying how you looked so naked and pretty in front of the mirror. akaza sat you down on the vanity and softly kissed you. your hands wrapping around the back of his neck automatically as the feeling between your thighs made you clench them together.

akaza pulled away and started kissing down your neck. his hands making their way back to your tender breasts and kneading them. "akaza.." you moaned, grinding your hips on his as you felt him get harder under his sweatpants.

"i know darling," akaza felt your wetness the moment his fingers touched your aching center. "fuck, already so wet for me." he pushed one finger in, then another, making you gasp. "more, f-fuck- akaza, more!" you moaned, feeling frustrated from how his fingers wasn't enough to satisfy you.

"just need to make sure you'll be okay, baby. fuck-" he continued pushing his fingers in and out of you, making sure you were feeling good but also comfortable in the countertop you were sitting at. he kissed your cheeks when he saw that you were close. "cum f'me, pretty girl."

you let yourself release the knot inside of you as your mouth formed an 'o', holding tight onto akaza's arms as you came. "that's my good girl. i love you so much," he kissed you passionately, and you responded, hands travelling down the band of his sweatpants to pull it down.

akaza helped you take it off and you bit your lip at the sight of his hard cock. "need it inside me, please." akaza hummed, "anything for my pretty girl." you stroked him a few times before lining the tip up your entrance. "let me do all the work, mmkay? don't want you tiring yourself." he gave you a peck and slowly pushed inside your needy entrance.

"ha-aah, s-so good-" you grabbed onto the back of his neck, watching as his whole length entered you with the sound of akaza groaning loudly. "you feel so fucking good." akaza pulled you in for a kiss and started thrusting in and out of your cunt.

both of you were moaning in each others mouths, your fingers grabbing a fistful of his hair and tugging on it everytime akaza pushes deeper inside you, making the man groan. "yes, right there! ah!-" your forehead were on his as your mouth opened into a silent moan.

"are you close, my love?" akaza adjusted his pace, still being gentle as to not strain you too much nor the baby. "yes, mhmm- fuuck!" you cried out, looking at akaza with the most pretty yet lustful eyes. "let it all out darling, cum with me." both of you came, releasing the loudest moans and groans as akaza caught you in his arms before you went limp.

"i love you, my darling."

third trimester

you loathed your third trimester. you felt so heavy and tired. as well as uncomfortable, because of how round you felt. but you kept on telling yourself to stay strong for your baby. that you had a few weeks left before you can welcome her into the world.

akaza always tried his best to help you carry all the weight by holding your tummy whenever your standing up. like when your cooking, or getting ready. "i know this sounds easier said than done, but just two more weeks and we're going to see our baby."

for the last for weeks of your pregnancy, you've been going to the doctor once a week just to make sure everything is set once you give birth and that the baby is healthy.

you've also been staying inside more since you mostly felt like shit. all the weight on your tummy makes your body hurts, especially your back and waist. thankfully, your husband is there to give you a massage whenever you need one.

"i look like a ball," you pouted, talking to yourself as you were observing yourself in the mirror. akaza looked at you from his office chair at home, and smiled. "no you don't, you look like a strong, pregnant woman to me."

you frowned at him. "you're not the one carrying a whole human in him, are you?" he chuckled, raising both arms to accept defeat.

"you're ready to push, you're at 10cm already." the doctor alerted all the nurses as they began setting up the room for you and your baby once she comes out to the world. "is dad going to be with you during the whole birth?" the doctor asked, and you felt akaza hold your hand. "yes."

"okay momma, i need you to push in one, two, three!"

everything got so blurry after that. you could hear akaza telling you soothing phrases while the doctor was telling you to push and be strong. you were screaming, crying, and pushing for what felt like forever until you heard the doctor say, "i've got the head!"

you were so tired and exhausted that you didn't even realize that everyone was acting so frantically. the nurses were running everywhere, and the doctor was shouting things you couldn't comprehend although you heard the word "suffocating".

akaza was told to wait outside, and eventhough he was confused and nervous, he did what he was told to do for the sake of you and the baby.

you woke up in a different room from the one you were in earlier. the fatigue was still in your system, but you were eager to see your baby, so you tried sitting up only to feel a shooting pain in your lower abdomen.

akaza immediately stood up when he noticed you moving. your brows furrowed when you noticed his swollen, red eyes, and his overall dishveled state. "how's the baby?" you excitedly asked, only to receive a sad smile from your husband as a reply. "akaza?"

"where's our baby? is she healthy? did the nurse take her out to clean?" akaza's heart shattered when he saw the excitement and hope in your eyes slowly disappear. "darling.." you shook your head at him, terror coating your face as the tears just started pouring from your tired eyes.

"no, no, no, no!" you started thrashing around, not giving a fuck about the pain in your abdomen, eager to remove all the cords and needles attached to you just to see your baby. akaza immediately hugged you tightly, trying to stop you from hurting yourself further while whispering, "i'm sorry, my love. it's not your fault. i promise."

you kept on shouting "no!" and "my baby!" and it alarmed the nurses stationed near your room as they came in to check on you. your doctor soon came in and once you calmed down, she explained everything. about how the baby suddenly changed position and that the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, causing her to suffocate. they also had to give you a c-section in order to get her out of you which explains the pain on your lower abdomen.

everyone was devastated when they heard the news. it was hard. no one could compare to a mother losing their child. mitsuri and your family tried visiting you, but you turned all of them away. you didn't want to feel ashamed and embarassed for failing to bring your baby safely in this world.

akaza knew you were more devastated than anything else, but deep inside he also felt defeated and broken. it was his first ever child. your first ever child. you both waited so patiently for one and she got taken away from you so quickly and suddenly.

he did not ever leave your side after that day, not caring if he missed work because you were more important to him than anything and anyone else.

akaza knew you needed him and he needed you.

however, you couldn't be there for akaza because you feel deep down the rabbit hole and you couldn't climb back up no matter how hard other people helped you do so. it was like the world and just life lost its meaning.

you never once thought about how akaza was feeling, because you were to focused on grieving and blaming yourself for being a bad and a failure mother. you never once saw how akaza would cry in his office or whenever he was alone in the bathroom or whenever you were already asleep at night.

but akaza never blamed you for anything. he couldn't imagine how hard it is to carry a life inside of you for nine months just for it not to live once it was out of your womb. he understood how you couldn't be there for him because he knew it how hard it was. he understood how you couldn't comfort him and make him feel better, because at least you were there with him. at least, you were still alive and breathing beside him.

you should've known. you should've listened to all of akaza's words about how "it wasn't your fault" and "i still love you no matter what". you should've felt it through his actions. how he would still kiss you every morning when you wake up and every night before sleeping. how he would still cook your favorite foods and try to cheer you up by playing your favorite shows on the tv.

because maybe. just maybe if you did, then akaza would not be kneeling on the floor with your lifeless body swimming in a pool of blood.

maybe he wouldn't have to bear the silence of the big house which was once a home for both you and him, and your baby. maybe the house would still be lively from your cheerful presence and maybe even filled with little akazas and you running around the house instead of two pink urns designed with cherry blossoms on a table.

© uzuikyo. all rights reserved.

#akaza x reader #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #akaza angst #kny akaza #akaza #akaza x y/n #akaza x you #akaza fluff #akaza smut #kny smut #kny x reader #kny fic #demon slayer fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer smut #kny angst #kny fluff #uzuikyo #uzuikyo.kny

[thecreelhouse]

part time soulmate, full time problem

Paring: Gator Tillman x Alt Fem!Reader (she/her pronouns) || MDNI! 18+ for eventual smut

Summary:

After leaving the Midwest years ago, you finally make the choice to visit home for the holidays. What’s meant to be a quiet, boring Christmas with your family turns into being snowed in with your ex-best friend, now enemy and absolute pain in the ass, Gator Tillman.

It’s only 3 days. How bad can 3 days be with an ex-friend?

———

CW/Tags: angst, toxic banter, language, mentions of drunk driving, mentions of death/loss, Gator being an absolute fucking moron

Word count: 2.5k

Series Masterlist / Read on AO3

Day 1

When you agreed to come home for the holidays, you didn’t anticipate it to be very eventful. Just a week with your family… and not much else. After all, what the hell else was around in Stark County, North Dakota?

Minutes after being picked up from the airport, your father had no issue letting you know some plans changed, that it wouldn’t be such a quiet holiday break at home, on account of … “business”. You never asked when he vaguely called last minute periods of time away from home to do god knows what “business”.

Doing “business” meant he was up to no good, though. You knew that much. You also knew that usually involved that insufferable Roy Tillman, and that usually meant—

“Hey, freak.”

Unfortunately, you’d know that god awful, nasally Midwest accent, doused in cockiness, with a hint of some terrible excuse of a cowboy twang in the tone, anywhere. You whip around from the trunk of your dad’s car, eyes rolling from muscle memory at the sight of Gator.

Fucking Gator Tillman. Professional douche bag, absolute unjustified asshole, persistent pain in society’s ass, and the ultimate bane of your existence.

“Piss off, Gator.” You’re rummaging through the trunk, pulling a suitcase and backpack out before letting them tumble onto the snow covered driveway.

“Can’t. I kinda live here, remember?”

“Didn’t you move out yet?”

“Well- okay, yeah, but—“

“So, you don’t live here, technically.”

His jaw set, annoyed, following it up with a dead stare and his stupid fucking vape, blowing the flavored vapor right in your face. At least it smelled sweet. Still, you stuck your tongue out with a grimace.

Nearly anything could get under Gator’s skin. That’s your entertainment for the next three days. That’s it. How fucking depressing.

Might as well enjoy what you’ve got, though.

“Whatever, you gon’ lemme help ya’ or not?” Gator reaches for your backpack, but you kick it away from him. He looks even more annoyed now.

“Nope, take my suitcase, bet your daddy reminded you to be a real man before we got here. Ain’t that why you’re babysitting me?” Your words dripped with repulsion, already fed up with the misogynist mindset still thriving out here.

Both of your fathers always took their wives on these “business” trips, but the two of you were always left behind. Gator always made a scene about not going with his dad, but that was always met with the order of watching over you, keeping you safe. All because you’re a woman.

“Thought that’s why you moved out east, ain’t it?” Gator mocks you as he yanks the suitcase handle up and out before dragging it toward the house.

“There’s plenty of reasons, and you’re one of ‘em.” You follow behind him, backpack slung on one shoulder.

Gator stops, throwing a cocky smirk over his shoulder, “I’m honored, princess.”

These will be the longest three days of my life.

——

The two of you were left alone almost immediately after arriving, with your father reminding you in a sweet, yet condescending tone to make dinner every night as a ‘thank you’ to Gator for ‘protectin’ ya’’. Gator, of course, smirked at that, while you forced a smile as you bit your tongue.

Playing nice until they leave the property, you immediately drop the act with an exhausted sigh, flopping onto the couch.

“Hey, aren’t ya’ gonna do what your dad said?” Gator asks expectantly. You glare over at him through jet lagged eyes.

“Gator, you’re a grown ass man, learn how to make yourself something other than goddamn cereal.” You flip him off, and again you’re under his skin. “Not like you even have a girlfriend to take care of you, so remind me, how the hell do you survive on your own? That vape don’t count as food, y’know.”

“You’re lucky I gotta be nice,” He mumbles as the best comeback he could think of. “Y’move out east for a few years and suddenly you’ve got all the nerve in the world.”

“Yep, it’s amazing when you move to a city where misogyny and the whole ‘men are superior, women exist to serve’ mindset ain’t welcome. You should try leaving the state some time, you might learn something good for once.”

He looks offended, fists clenching a bit as he sits opposite from you. “I’ve left before—“

“Other than neighboring Midwest states, I mean.”

Gator falls quiet before taking a drag from his vape, his go-to response when he really doesn’t have one. Jesus, he looks like a douche.

“Whatever, I’m happy here.” It’s almost comical how he says it in the most bothered tone, brows knit together as he glares at you. “You coulda’ been happy here too.”

It’s your turn to deflect and dodge poorly; you slam your hands on the couch as a push to get up. “Alright, we’re done here. Keep out of my way, I’ll keep out of yours. The house is big enough, anyway. If you need me— which, you won’t— text me. I’ll hang in the guest room, so you won’t have to worry about what trouble I could get into.”

While you pull your bags upstairs, you hear the front door whine open and slam shut, then a distant roar of an engine coming to life. Wheels crunch loudly on the snow— everything is easy to hear out here. It’s so flat and… hollow.

As you get settled in the guest room, you start wondering if coming home for Christmas was even worth it at all.

Because that’s all the Midwest was to you, and will ever be. Hollow.

———

It’s dark out when Gator gets back; you fell asleep at some point, and what woke you up was the front door slamming wide open, along with some stumbling around.

Sighing, you knew what happened. The predictable situation was always disappointing, but not surprising.

Gator wasn’t an alcoholic, as far as you knew and remembered, at least. He did like to dive into a bottle when he was pissed, though. And that was more often than not.

… Okay, so maybe he did have some kind of issue with alcohol, but you weren’t going to label it, just stay out of his way.

Then, a thump echoes through the house, along with glass breaking. Another expectant sigh leaves you; you push off the bed and head downstairs to check out the commotion.

A lamp in the living room is smashed, off to a great start. Your eyes wander for a moment before you spot Gator shuffling out of the kitchen with a dustpan and brush, nearly kneeling into the broken glass scattered across the old hardwood floors.

“Gator, hey, don’t—“ He yells out as his knees are prickled with glass and ceramic shards. Too late. You carefully tip toe around the sharp pieces in your slippers to reach him.

Gator stands, leaving behind the dustpan, wincing and murmuring a “Fucking Christ”.

“You’re lucky your daddy ain’t home, he’d definitely kill ya’ f’that one.” You’re still sleepy, but manage to hold an arm out for him to balance on. Confused, he glances down, then glances back at you. “Oh my god— Gator, lean on me, idiot.”

He reels back a bit, bottom lip curling downward in annoyance. He slurs, “I don’ need your help.”

You hold your hands up, “Fine, deal with this on your own, asshole.”

You turn to cautiously maneuver back to the stairs, but his hand grasps your wrist, tugging you back in place. You hold your other arm out to keep your balance.

“M’sorry.” Gator mumbles, almost too quiet for you to hear, but you catch it.

“Couch, now.” You roll your eyes with your arm back out, and he leans on you reluctantly. You guide him as carefully as possible, helping him rest slowly. He murmurs some obscenities as his knees bend, blood patching through on the fabric from the glass and ceramic shards.

“Can you stay like that? You can rest against the couch just- just don’t move your legs or lay down, ‘kay?” He nods, face flushed from drinking.

It doesn’t take you long to find rubbing alcohol and a pair of tweezers in the medicine cabinet, but as you return, you see Gator bent over his knees, trying to haphazardly pick the glass out.

“Gator, up.” Your voice startles him, and with eyes wide, he sits back up. “Don’t make it worse.”

You quickly push what’s on the coffee table aside to sit on it, facing Gator. He forces a laugh, but it’s pretty deadpan. “Don’t I always make everything worse?”

Sighing, you position yourself to begin plucking the shards out. “Not answering that one.”

With the removal of each piece, Gator winces and hisses, a few times throwing his head back over the pain.

“You’re gonna hate it when I gotta clean the wounds.” You state, watching blood dribble from some of the open, now clear wounds.

“Don’t use tha’ shit.” He groans, head coming back up to grimace at the sight of blood.

“You’re a cop—“

“Deputy-“

“Whatever. Don’t you see blood often? Shit, you work for your dad, you definitely see blood often.”

He grits his teeth. “Shut up, you dunno what you’re talkin’ about.”

“You want me to stop helping? Because I don’t have to be doing this right now.”

Gator huffs, but he quiets down. The quiet doesn’t last long, though.

“When d’ya get those?” He’s pointing to your left arm, covered in tattoos, now slightly bare as your hoodie slumps off your shoulder.

You continue to tend to his wounds as you answer, “Started this sleeve shortly after movin’. Wanted to celebrate owning my life again.” The latter half of the sentence quiets down out of embarrassment; your life should’ve belonged to you this entire time, but you almost feel guilty for admitting how it previously felt.

Gator’s quiet for a few moments, eyes studying the art on your skin. “They’re … nice.”

You snort, breaking your focus to look up at him. “You don’t have to force yourself to be nice, Gator. You can tell me how you really feel. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”

He shakes his head, almost childishly, “No, really. They’re pretty. They suit you.”

“Not ending that with ‘freak’? Color me shocked.”

“Can’t be mean when you’re the one holdin’ them sharp ass tweezers.” He’s only half joking, but it still earns a smile from you.

The smile drops quickly; you realize some shards are tiny, and you can’t get through the fabric of his pants to pull them out.

“Uh… Gator… you’re gonna laugh at me for sayin’ this, but you, uh, you gotta take your pants off.” You rush out the words, hoping he won’t hang onto them too long.

Even drunk, this doesn’t get past Gator. He smirks; Jesus Christ you can’t stand that smirk. It’s almost… cute, with how flushed his face is.

Ew, god, no. The fuck’s my problem?

“What’s the magic word, princess?”

You toss the tweezers aside and get up, “Okay, good luck! I’m going back to bed.”

Gator grabs your legs, strong hands clutching your thighs tightly, and you have to ignore the heat rising to your face.

“I’m kiddin’ I promise!” He tries playing it off, but his voice is pleading with you to stay. You sigh your annoyance out, kind of taking pity on him.

“One more smart-ass word or move and you’re stuck with this glass in your knees forever.”

Gator nods, beginning to stand up, but falling back onto the couch from the pain in his knees.

“Idiot, I didn’t say you had to get up.” You sit back down on the table, waiting for him to unbutton his pants. He doesn’t. “Gator, I ain’t doin’ all the work here.”

“Fine.” He undoes the button and zipper before shimmying his pants down his legs and— god, when did his legs get so muscular? He was so lanky last you saw him.

“Babe, I ain’t doin’ all the work here.” Gator mocks, pants rolled down just above his knees.

You’ll give him that one, let it slide; you were definitely staring, and you weren’t about to get in a debate about the way you ogled at his legs.

“Sit still, they can’t just come off, it’ll dig some of the glass in further. Okay? Sit still, Gator.”

“I am!”

He was, you’re just nervous he’ll do something stupid. You’re also nervous to be this close to him with his pants halfway off.

“I can do it,” He mumbles, reaching to pull them down. He’s quicker than you, surprisingly, even while drunk, but of course, what you warned would happen, happens.

“Fuckin’ moron, I said sit. Still.”

He blushes at your order, pulling his hands back to let you do the job safely.

It takes a few minutes, but slowly, you’re able to remove the fabric from his knees. You let his pants pool around his boots, trying your hardest to focus on his wounds.

“Call me ‘babe’ again and I’m gonna deck ya’.” You murmur, working on the near-microscopic shards in his skin. “How’d this break anyway?”

You knew the answer, but you wanted to hear him admit it, even though the truth would infuriate you.

Gator has no problem telling you, though. “Too drunk, forgot the lamp’s there.”

Alright, he confirmed it.

Inhaling slowly to calm yourself, you ask, “You drove home drunk?”

“I didn’t have another way home.”

Angry, you yank a shard out without compassion; he hisses from the pain.

“You could’ve called me.”

“You don’t have a car here.”

“You could’ve called an Uber.”

He scoffs with a playful smile, as if this is all a silly mistake. “Like that exists out here.”

“Asshole, you could’ve killed someone.” You’re trying your best to focus on finishing this up, but you just want to stab the tweezers into his leg instead. Somehow, you hold your actions back, but not your tongue. “You remember what happened to my baby sister, huh?”

Gator remembers. How could he forget? How your sister barely had her license when the accident took her? How you began to withdraw from life, distancing yourself from everyone—

“I could fuckin’ strangle you right now, Gator.” You’re biting back tears, roughly plucking shards out. He takes the pain, he knows he deserves it. “And we both know your daddy would get you out of a DUI if it came to it.”

He sits silent, face losing color. This got dark, fast, and he was too intoxicated to even think about the consequences. But no amount of alcohol in his system would keep him from realizing he really hurt you.

“I ain’t forgivin’ you for this one.”

“I don’ expect ya’ to.”

You finish helping Gator’s wounds sloppily, throwing the bottle of rubbing alcohol at him. “I got most of ‘em out. Clean your own wounds, scumbag.”

Gator can’t bring himself to respond, look at you, or move to try and clean the cuts. You quickly sweep up the mess before dumping it into the trash and silently heading up to bed.

Gator doesn’t leave the couch that night.

#gator tillman x reader #gator tillman x y/n #gator tillman smut #my fics #part time soulmate full time problem

[bowieandqueen11]

Celebrating Roman Roy’s Birthday Would Include...

Request: OOOOOH i have one if you don't mind. how about hcs for celebrating roman's birthday? cause as we know when it comes to roys there's inevitably Something Traumatic happening on every holiday, i just want him to have a good day with someone who loves him🥺

Love honestly so true he deserves someone to just love him without condition :( I am FEELING

Warning: strong language, implied eating disorder and mentions of childhood mental/physical abuse!

(I do not own Succession or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @bettercallgerri.)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

Roman Roy decided very early on the day to make an incredibly sensible decision. For the next twenty three and a half hours, he was going to ignore his phone every time it started vibrating in his jacket pocket, and irritated the skin against his breast. He was going to squeeze his eyes shut, and pick at his fingernails when at one in the afternoon, on the dot, his sister would send exactly the same generic fruit basket for his birthday as she did the previous year. He would crinkle his nose in irritation when the eldest Roy sent him a comic voicemail about how ‘he was still that little pup that threw a fish at him’ during their camping trip, despite his age.

And worst of all, and perhaps the most difficult for Roman Roy, he wasn’t going to feel depressed once about how his father had forgotten his birthday again. Well, not until he received the stereotypical rushed job of a blank card and sloppy signature of his father typed at the bottom the next day, sent as if he were signing a cheque. He wrote it off as being just another transaction: signing away all the love he owed Roman, justifying it as the price one has to pay for success. Only then would Roman allow himself to excuse off to the bathroom for a moment, before curling up into a ball and crying into his knees as he had done for every birthday he could remember.

He just wanted to spend one day: one single, solitary, sought after, scorned day to spend with the one person in his life he had always loved without hesitation. With the only person who truly saw him. Who loved him for who he was right now, and who, you knew, he should be. So, he decided the rest of his family could go fuck themselves for a meagre twenty four hours, while he made the most of snuggling up to you in bed.

Roman’s always been a naturally restive man at heart, and so it wasn’t long until that little goblin smirk of his came peering past the duvet and over your shoulder. 

‘You know what?’, he murmured, resting his elbow by his head so he could turn and lie facing you properly. ‘Fuck it. We should just, I don’t fucking know, stay here all day until we have become one with the comforter.’ 

‘As lovely as that sounds’, you stretch up and groan, slapping Roman’s hand away as he reaches up to tickle under your armpit. ‘I have plans, I’m afraid.’

‘You- fucking- what? You have plans, are you fucking me right now?’ For a second he jumps up, his eyes squinting as he stares at you crestfallen. But then he sees the smile you’re trying to hide twitch at the corner of your lips, and he falls back down onto the mattress unceremoniously. While he reaches around and tries to thump you in the face with his pillow, you take the opportunity to wrestle his arm and loop it around your own. He gladly gives in, settling down next to you again as you continue: ‘I may have plans, but you’re very welcome to join in with them. If you’re nice to me, that is.’

‘I’m always fucking nice to you’, Roman mutters, but he reaches up to accept the kiss you’re trying to place on the side of his stubble. ‘Good’, you turn back to look at the alarm clock on your bedside table, ‘because we have to be up and out in approximately fifteen minutes.’

‘You are full of fucking surprises, you know that? God, I love you.’

Ever since you and Roman were seven years old, and his father had hit him for the first time after sneaking you up the side of his bedroom window for a sleepover his father had strictly forbidden, as he deemed Roman getting up bright and early for his fencing lessons the next morning to be far more important, you had kept a list in your head of all the mundane things Roman had been punished for as a child. Every birthday since then, you tried to strike one off the list, and this year you had decided to plan ahead, and asked Karolina to hire out a park for you a couple of states away for a water fight. 

It was silly, and stupid, and childish, but when Roman sauntered into the kitchen after his shower and saw you trying to shove pretty hefty super soakers into your backpack, his face lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning. Hence the two of you flying off in your own private helicopter, trying to place a little wriggle room between Roman and the rest of the Roys; you felt almost ridiculous for a moment, whizzing past buildings and waving treelines with only a couple of water guns on you, but Roman was gripping onto your fingers so tightly the whole journey that the embarrassment flooded away. The whole time, his foot was tapping against the edge of yours like a wasp’s sting, his bottom lip nearly bloody from how hard he was chewing it. Whether it was from anticipation, or whether he had the foresight to anticipate the abuse he was going to garner from his father for the wasted journey and tabloid pictures you didn’t know. You held his hand back just as tightly, praying for him to have just one happy day.

Thankfully, once you arrived, Roman literally leapt out of the helicopter like some kind of Doberman. He shrugged off his coat and threw it back into the cabin, before rustling in the bag to grab his loot. Before you could even question what he was doing, a chilled gust of water came splatting you straight up the face, and hurtling you backwards. Let’s just say, Roman’s high pitched hyena laugh was heard all around the fringes of the daisy-strewn field, as he went skidding across the blades like a wanted criminal.

Sometimes, you would hold your hands up as if in defeat, and he would come strutting over to you with his gun in the air and one hand on his waist. Stating that you had run out of water, you wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face as he came and tried to pull your hands behind your back. He walked you both backwards until you were pinned against the tree, and although he’s doing his best to look all sexy, and mysterious, and sheriff like as he tries to unlatch your fingers slowly from the triggers, it was a huge mistake. Using the distraction, you pull his own gun from him and pull his shirt forward, spraying water straight down his bare chest.

‘Oh, you fucker!’

If anyone could see the two of you: sprinting about like children in the mud, not caring as bits of wet dirt skidded up and stained your suit shirts. Parading through the flowers, laughter pealing like bells wherever you went. They would think you were free, and perhaps, for a moment, you both were.

At one point Roman comes swinging down from an oak tree and scares the living absolute fuck out of you. For a second he looks afraid: that remnant of his father’s ‘love’ making him feel sick to his stomach, but that is quickly alleviated when you come over and trace down the slight stubble of his neck. Your pointer finger comes to trace up his chin, and then over the top of his lip, before you lean up and gently melt your lips against his awaiting ones.

The two of you decide (once you’ve managed to unlatch spider monkey from you) to swing your legs up over the tree branch and sit up there for a while, like you used to do when you were teenagers sickly sweet in a hidden, reciprocated love. Back in the days when Roman would carry himself, wounded and crying, to trudge around his father’s estate and find wherever your newest hidie-hole from the world was. It didn’t matter if it was underneath one of the neighbouring orchard trees, or out sitting on a lounge chair on his bedroom balcony, or tucked up inside one of the pool sheds, hidden between unused surfboards and half-chewed pool noodles, Roman had a sixth sense when it came to finding you. You, too, always knew he was coming: mainly from the sound of impeding sniffles, and you had your arm out and ready for him to come curl up into. Against his side, he would crest himself like the fallen son, trying to make himself as small a target as possible against your chest. 

Sometimes you would tuck a book out from your bag and read to him. Other times, the two of you would just chatter like soft sunlight amidst the dark blots of his father’s pristine possessions. Most of all, Roman would usually fall into an uneasy sleep against your neck, and would only rise again once the irritated call of his newest nanny rang out from the veranda.

It had taken him a while to realise he could feel safe in your arms, rather than just hide away, but when he did, he would rest his head on your shoulder and wish he could stay alone with you forever.

So he was more than delighted to re-enact his favourite parts of his childhood with you, even if he can’t fully settle his whole heart into it. You try your best to seem as nonchalant as ever: leaning your head back until it scratches on the bark, swinging one leg over until it catches the sharp gleam of the cresting mid-afternoon sun. Roman’s hunched over, sitting in between your legs, and although he’s being set alight with some kind of giddiness that he can freely be with you now without having to hide, his body’s response is still set to flight or fight. His fingers dance over your legs like a skimming dragonfly, running over the inseams before landing on your ankles and squeezing. 

Becoming over alert of how his eyes keep darting away from you, as if he’s still awaiting the strike he knows is punishment for daring to show love towards anyone, you reach out for him. After an awkward moment of manoeuvring, the two of you manage to reach an agreement on how to sit: you still leaning back, and Roman now lying against your chest, with his legs straight out against the skittish twigs. He looks ethereal against the soft rolls of honey that seemed to drape around the two of you, the crimson burnt fringes of the leaves protecting him from the outside world. And yet Roman still jumps when he feels your fingers brush against the edge of his face, as if you had been trying to burn him. 

It’s taken time. It takes time. It will take time. But to you, using all the understanding and patience in the world would be worth it, if it allowed Roman Roy to live. So you just hold him around the waist, and wait for him to become comfortable. You whisper quotes from your favourite books into his ears, and the sky slowly begins to roll over with lavender and a deep blushing maroon, you tell him about the new memes online from Connor’s campaign. He snorts at that, almost twitching awake in your grasp, but you appreciate the way he tries by leaning backwards and languidly blinking, pressing a brushing kiss against your bottom lip.

Before the two of you return home, he decides he wants to see how ‘the peasants live’ by eating in a normal restaurant. Although he shudders at your implication that he’s turning into Cousin Greg, it ends up being one of the happiest dining experiences of his life. Roman had always had a difficult relationship with food: between his mother’s teasing about his looks at the dining table when he was a toddler, to his father smacking him for bad table manners, to every adult dinner party revolving around sub-plots and back-stabbing, he’d found it all difficult to swallow. Being with you, thankfully, made the experience a little easier.

He even found himself laughing when the sushi you had tried to feed him with your chopsticks came flopping down onto the table in a mushed heap of rice and wasabi, and the joy didn’t leave his face as you came up to cradle his face and wipe bits of salmon away from the lines of his lips. The whole time, he was incredibly aware of how carelessly he allowed his knee to rest against your own; he was conscious of how other customers might notice the way he held your hand over the bar stools between courses, but for the first time in his life, he allowed himself the freedom not to care.

One of the waitresses makes a comment about how sweet the two of you look together on the way out, and oh my god does Roman ride that high the whole way back to the park. Cue him being a full peachy, blubbering, hyper mess, with giggles only a dog could hear slipping out of his mouth every ten metres down the pavements.

You give him his present when you get home: you’d collated over the last couple of months some of your favourite pictures, both of you and Roman over the years, as well as full family shots. You had asked Connor, Kendall and Shiv to add some of their favourite memories in the margins of the shots, until the black and white photobook was bursting with neatly looped letters and little drawings of dicks (kindly added by Ken.)

Roman chokes when he sees it. He fists his hand into his mouth, shrugging as his eyes widen, brimming with tears as he flips through the pages. He starts getting over hyper, repeating over and over and over again that ‘yeah, yeah- it’s nice, I like it’, because he thinks it’s some kind of trick. Because he can’t handle the thought of his siblings loving him without some sort of condition. Because just one kind word it’s what he’s been seeking from them his whole life, and your eyes widen in horror as you realise why he’s taking a step backwards. Why his bottom lip is jutting out. Why he looks like a noose is tightening around his neck. You glance down, and you can see it in all the pictures: in every frame, his siblings are looking dead-on, deadpan into the camera, and he’s glancing up at them. In the pictures with you, he’s clearly choking down the love that’s bursting out of his every being as he gazes at you in every. single. one. 

It guts you to realise it’s taking you so long to reciprocate just a little of that love that’s been suffocating him his whole life.

He regresses into Logan Roy mode, and it breaks your heart all the more; he wanders over to the cabinet to pour a tumbler of whiskey for the two of you, before settling himself down on the edge of the settee. He pulls out his phone, getting prepared to come back to himself: to scroll through the news channel and chat with you about the events he’d missed while taking a few hours off for himself.

Yet he doesn’t complain when you tenderly take his hand, choosing instead not to let him wallow. You lead him over to one of the armchairs over looking the cityscape, pushing on his chest until he collapses down into it. With a content sigh, he watches you go choose a book from the collection you had curated by the television, before coming back to squeeze yourself in beside him. He’s half sitting on your lap, but neither of you really give a stuff as he winds his arms around your neck and settles against your heartbeat. With his head on your collar bone, and your finger mindlessly drawing patterns in the tufts of hair behind his ear, you begin to read aloud to him. From time to time you peer behind the spine and catch his eye, and it makes you fumble over your words a little when you spot him. He’s gazing up at you as if you were perfection incarnate, and for the first time in his sorrowful life, Roman Roy begins his next year on this planet with one hopeful thought smacking around the inside of his head: perhaps this year, he won’t have to suffer just for being Roman.

#succession #succession imagine #roman roy #roman roy imagine #roman roy x reader #roman roy headcanons #kieran culkin #x reader #succession fanfic #succession fanfiction #kendall roy #shiv roy #logan roy #connor roy

[creedslove]

DESERVE IT - EPILOGUE ✨

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: it's our favorite couple's anniversary, they deserved a celebration and we deserved a glimpse into their lives.

• You can find the rest of this wonderful story on my MASTERLIST

Warnings: fluff, sexual tension, smut (oral m! receiving, piv), fluff and so much fluff

A/N: Hi besties, I know I promised this two weeks ago, but I wasn't in the right place to write for Javi in the last couple of weeks so I delayed this chapter a little because I didn't want to write something I didn't have feelings to add to. Luckily, Javi made his way back into my heart and the inspiration came back, so here's the result, I hope you enjoy it ❤️

8k words (I got carried away)

Javi checked his wristwatch and sighed relieved to see it was still early, he definitely didn't need to arrive late at work on his anniversary day, because that would mean he would have to compensate by staying late at the end of his shift. Which, overall, was usually very calm, as Laredo was a calm city. He barely remembered the last time he had to deal with a death, but it was probably when Leonid had a few too many at the bar and ended up crashing his truck against a cow that broke loose from one of the farms nearby. It was quite a ridiculous death but not only did the old guy die but also the cow too, and Javier as the chief of police had to show condolences to the family after treating the case with as much respect and tenacity as he would treat a murder case in Colombia.

Colombia, he always smiled whenever he thought of that country, the one he very often thought of as hell on Earth. It was nothing personal, he actually liked the country, the food, the culture and for a few years he loved the women there too, but he had ups and downs, and his downs weren't great, quite the opposite, they were traumatic, exhausting and very often made Javi dwell in a spiral of depressing thoughts and heavy drinking.

But his ups were the best, because it was Colombia that had given Javier his wife, you, and he would never trade that for anything in the world. It was that hot, distant country that had provided Javier with the love of his life, and there he was, three years after his wedding day, two kids later - Analuz Peña, two years old and nine-month-old Javier Gabriel Peña, your little Gabe - Javi could tell the whole world he was a happy married man.

Nowadays you and Javi weren't the hot gossip of Laredo anymore, of course people still did talk about the two of you, after all your husband ended up becoming a powerful man in the city and many women were envious of your status, they knew the two of you made decent money but you never spent on anything extravagant, it was a comfortable life, but what people liked to talk about was how happy you always seemed, how Javier had proved everyone wrong and took his marriage and fatherhood seriously. Besides, people had other subjects to talk about, such as how everyone had learned that Leonid, the guy who died in a crash with a cow happened to have two wives, who only learned about each other during the funeral which led the two women into a fight and Javi had to put an end to it.

Later that day, when he got home, you two had shared quite a few laughs at the odd situation, amused to know Laredo had other things to feel interested in.

Life was good for the two of you; you lived on a comfortable ranch, your husband provided to the point you didn't need to get a job, you could stay home with your kids, of course their grandpa very often spoiled them too much, but then, you couldn't complain as Chucho also spoiled you a lot. Your husband was loving, caring, handsome and still every bit of horny for you as he was when you two shared his bed every single night in a small, cramped apartment in Colombia.

It always baffled you to see how happy you became, how good life was to you, and well, even if you got down on your knees every night and thanked God for the family you were blessed with, it would probably not be enough, your babies were your life, and their daddy… wow, he was something else. You loved Javi with all your heart and you felt so proud of him for the man he became, how he overcame his fears, his traumas and was able to make you the happiest woman in the world. You two were meant to be and the clear sign of it was the beautiful family you had.

Analuz was probably the most loved little girl in the whole world, when her grandpa didn't linger around her the entire time, bringing her sliced apples, or ragdolls, or taking her to pet the animals, she was all around Javi. She loved her dada with all her little heart, always waiting up for him to arrive, even if he only got home after her bedtime and you had already tucked her in. She still waited for him, even if it was against the rules, but she needed to give Javi a hug before bed.

And your Javi simply melted. Whoever had met the infamous Agent Javier Peña during his Escobar years, could never imagine a two-year-old would have him around her tiny little finger. The man who helped to take down cartels, killed and arrested many, had to learn how to braid his daughter's soft, silky hair. He had to learn to be patient and sit through animation movies, to play with dolls and to read all the bedtime stories that had to do with fairies, princesses and mermaids.

And he did an outstanding job.

For your anniversary, you and Javi decided to stay home and spend time with your family, unlike the other years, you two wouldn't go out, even if you two had the tradition of going out for a nice meal and some love making. The reason why, had been Gabe's recent teething, which made him feverish and uncomfortable. Of course all you wanted was your baby boy to be alright, but you had already gone through the same thing with Analuz when she was tiny and you knew there wasn't much you could do other than give him the medicine and cuddle your baby until he felt better.

You still felt a little upset about not going on a date for your anniversary but you would never bother Javi with that, you two made a great team, but he also worked a lot and you didn't want to exhaust him more than he already was, between the long shifts in the police station and coming home to a feverish baby.

However, showing why Javier Peña deserved the title of best husband, he had surprised you a few days before your anniversary, announcing he'd invited your aunt to spend a few weeks with you on the ranch. Unlike your mom, your aunt was a kind, loving woman who actually recognized how wonderful Javier was, and embraced your new family as part of her own; being in Laredo with you when you first gave birth to Analuz and later on Gabe, and helping you for the first few weeks, knowing how rough they were especially for new parents like you and Javi were for the first time.

Also, the fact your aunt seemed to have a crush on Chucho might or might not have had to do with the fact she accepted your husband's invitation so quickly, being on the first flight to Laredo only two days later.

What your husband didn't know was that you had also planned a small anniversary surprise for him, as your aunt kindly accepted to watch the kids pretty much the whole day, you were able to put into practice what you had thought. Javi was a simple man, he loved sex and he loved sex with you, that was a part of your relationship that didn't lack, but you knew there was an even better taste to it if it was unexpected, to everyone who took a look at Javi, they would see a respectable man and a good cop, but in the sheets, you knew damn well the beast he was. Well, you and several girls from Laredo from his younger days, way before even going to Colombia, but that didn't matter nor bothered you, as your man didn't look at anyone but you.

So, to reward Javier Peña for being the best husband you could ask for, you had to come up with a plan, a simple one but one you were sure would please him. First thing was to leave home early in the morning, even before Javi to put your plan into practice, you'd asked your aunt to watch the kids and in case your husband had asked for you, you'd told her to say you had to go into town to find things for the special night you'd have but you wouldn't take very long to return, perhaps he would think it was kind of odd, but he also knew how much you loved celebrating your anniversaries, they were simply your favorite special days, the milestones of the best thing that ever happened to you.

Parking behind the station and walking in, with the excuse your husband had asked you to organize some things on his desk, the other cops knew better than to question you, the wife of the chief of police. You chuckled at that thought and closed the blinders, so you could change into more comfortable clothes.

When Javi parked his car and entered the station, he was welcomed by a few lazy 'good mornings' here and there. As Laredo was a calm city, the law enforcement team was also… calm, if he were nice about it, and lazy as fuck, if he were honest about it. If there was something those cops didn't like doing very much, was definitely working; perhaps because things were slow and they often didn't have to deal with nerve wracking situation, but still, after all the stress Javi went through in his narcos years, he was more than thankful to be worried about neighbors' quarrels or small thefts.

"Hey chief, there's a case for you because there's a woman waiting inside" officer Danny informed absent minded and turned his attention back to the small TV they kept in the office for entertainment.

Javier sighed heavily, what could be so important for someone to come after the chief of police so early in the morning?! He was ready to carry on with his day without any bumps on the road, he even ditched his uniform - actually Javier ditched the uniform after the first month of work and stuck with the suits just like he wore whenever he needed to see Messina at the Embassy. It gave him a real nice look, according to his very horny wife, and it was more comfortable to work. That being said, Javier decided to ditch his usual, Javier Peña trademark uniform and go for his tight jeans and pink shirt. He knew what that outfit did to you, and he was hoping he would get a glimpse of your 'appreciation' for that outfit, but unfortunately you'd been gone by the time he left home.

And that low-key annoyed him, it was your anniversary after all, he thought that was a special enough occasion to have some morning fuck. So what he really didn't need was having to deal with a grumpy old lady complaining about whatever it was Javier would probably not care at all, because he assumed that was the kind of woman who would be waiting for him.

"What can I do for you, ma'am?" He asked as he opened the door and entered his room, too busy focusing on his hot steamy mug of coffee to take a look at the small couch before he had the chance to close the window.

"I'm here to press charges against my husband, chief…" your voice hit him unexpectedly some of his coffee dripped out of his mug and hit the floor, at the same time he abruptly turned around to look at you; and the expression on his handsome face was priceless: big brown eyes widened and jaw on the floor at the sight of you waiting for him in his office, wearing nothing but a nightgown.

However, it wasn't just any nightgown, it was the same one you wore the very first time you slept with him, back in Colombia, that night you watched him stumbling and struggling to open the door, with his face completely bruised after getting himself into trouble.

It had become his favorite piece of clothing and you hadn't worn it in a while, but there you were, displaying your gorgeous body with that particular outfit in honor of your anniversary. He felt his blood going towards one direction, though his heart also warmed, thinking back on how you had taken care of him that night, being so gentle and understanding of his neediness, the way he asked you to sit on his lap, how he had craved your body after playing cat and mouse for so long. The way his skin burned with fever, and yet he had never felt better, because he was finally able to have the woman he loved in his arms for the very first time.

"W-what are you doing here?" He managed to ask after catching his breath, devouring you with his eyes as you stood up and walked to him, locking the door on your way towards the man "I already told you, chief… I wanna press charges against my husband…" you licked your lips as you stood in front of Javi, your hands on his shoulder, caressing them softly and unbuttoning his shirt with a smirk

"Rosado te sale tan bien, jefe" you whispered against his lips, but instead of kissing his lips, you went for his neck, your soft kisses running through his skin and causing goosebumps on him. Javi's hands held your hips, squeezing them softly as he pressed you against his body and you chuckled at the feeling of his hardening cock against your body.

"What's wrong with your husband, ma'am?" Javi finally got into the game, licking his lips and smirking softly "word in the streets says you're happily married"

"Well, I don't actually have a complaint, he's a nice guy… but I've got my eyes on the chief of police for a while now and I can't wait to have a taste of him too" you bit your lips and pulled Javier gently towards the chair, making it clear you wanted him to sit down on his chair.

He gladly obliged and swallowed, his eyes darkening with lust the moment you unbuttoned his shirt and kissed down his neck

"You know cariño, there's people outside, we don't wanna embarrass ourselves do we?

"If you don't to embarrass yourself, I strongly suggest you shut the fuck up chief" you winked at him and opened his fly, his cock was already rock hard under his jeans because of course Javier Peña was still going commando, that was a habit he would probably never abandon.

You got on your knees in front of him, a clear sign of submission and licked your lips at the sight of his thick cock growing harder in your hands. You took it by the base, moving it up and down and feeling it throbbing, you ran your tongue through his tip, tasting him and savoring his whimpers. Javier Peña could never resist a blowjob.

"Fuck Javi, do you know how much I love your fucking cock?" You asked and felt as he wrapped his hand around your hair pulling it and clenching his jaw "oh I know it mi amor, porque eres mi puta" he smirked and you nodded with innocent eyes before sinking your head onto his lap, taking his length as long as you could down your throat and using your hands to stroke his base and caress his balls. You bobbed your head up and down, giving your husband head, just as his employees were a few meters away from the two of you, the way Javi was holding back his moans so he wouldn't be loud, you just loved the affect you had on him, he was still yours, just as you were his and neither of you could fucking resist each other.

When you felt his balls quivering under your touch, you knew he was close, it was just a matter of time for Javi to reach his bliss, so you fastened your pace, resting your hands on his thighs which shook slightly the moment his orgasm came and you welcomed his load into your mouth swallowing it like the obedient good wife you were.

Javi panted, his hands left your hair and gripped the sides of his chair, looking down at you and helping you up, pulling your body towards his and having you sitting on his lap. He hungrily kissed you, tasting himself in your lips, at the same time he calmed down. His fingers worked the straps of your gown down your shoulders and the thin cloth fell, revealing your nakedness underneath.

"Fuck cariño, you're gonna kill me, you know that?" He whispered against your skin, his lips touching your shoulder, trailing a path of affection that led to your breasts. You whimpered at the feeling of his tongue toying with your nipples, one at a time, whereas his fingers found their way down your core, spreading your soaked pussy lips apart and gently brushing against your clit. You closed your eyes at his touch, your knees still weak for Javier no matter if the years had passed and if you were a married couple, he still had the same effect on you as he did when he was just the forbidden fruit from Colombia.

The way you whimpered with pleasure caused his cock to go rock hard in no time, his fingers deep in your pussy now, seeing how prepared you were for him, so Javi lifted you up and bent you over his desk, sliding his cock into you, making you take him inch by inch as he fucked you in his police station. He played with your clit at the same place he moved his hips in sync with yours, your walls squeezing him and the sounds of skin slapping against skin were almost as obscene as the muffled pleasure sounds that came from the two of you. It didn't take long for you to cum and milking his cock at the same time, you welcomed the second load of his thick cum inside, clenching your pussy so you'd keep all of it in there. Perhaps you would also welcome baby Peña number three after that, or maybe not; it didn't really matter, you and Javi were already happy, with another kid or not.

•••

By noon, you were back home; of course you didn't want to leave Javi, but you had to, after all, he needed to work or pretend he was working, while he recovered from your morning round in his office. Besides, you two would have more time together in the evening, and by then, the kids also needed their mom, especially Gabe who was going through his teething phase. It was no secret Gabe was a mama's boy and Analuz was a daddy girl, of course your daughter loved you as much as you loved her, but no one could ever top Javier in her little heart; her grandpa Chucho came closer, as he was all the time spoiling her and doing anything she wanted, he'd loved his grandkids ever since they were tiny seeds in your womb, feeling happy and proud of the man his son became because of you.

From the moment Analuz heard the engine of your car, she rushed outside, a bolt of excitement running through her little body in hopes to see her daddy arriving, she hoped you'd bring him for lunch.

"Mommy!!!" She squealed and ran through the grass to meet you once you got out of the car, and you just admired your beautiful daughter. Whenever she ran freely through the green fields she did look like a butterfly, no wonder Javi would constantly call her 'mariposa'. She hugged you tight but her eyes wandered all over the place, in hopes to see her daddy and her disappointed face when she realized he wouldn't come for lunch, was adorable. If you had a camera, you would've snapped a picture right there, as you were sure Javi's heart would burst with love and pride to see his little mariposa so sad he wasn't around.

"I'm sorry baby, daddy is busy and he isn't coming for lunch today… did you behave well with auntie Adelaide?" Analuz nodded with her honest, beautiful brown eyes. She had so much from her dad, it was impressive. The way she sometimes pouted or how she tilted her head, it was all Javi.

"And what about Gabe?"

"Gabe cwied, mommy!" She informed quickly. Analuz had trouble saying her Rs, something common for her age which Javi confessed to you he was scared to death the day she would be able to pronounce it correctly, because that would mean his mariposita was growing up.

You nodded and picked her up, walking back inside with her and being greeted by Chucho "hey mijita! All this came up through the mail for you" he pointed at the box and the couple of letters on the table as he extended his arms for his granddaughter, who of course, didn't hesitate in going with her grandpa.

You nodded at him and promised you'd be right back, wanting to take a look at your baby boy first, your heart yearning for your kids, first your beautiful mariposa, and then your sweet Gabe. You walked into his room and found him there, sleeping peacefully in his crib, your heart clenched in your chest just at the realization of how much you loved him, he was such a sweet and well-behaved baby, he never fussed or cried unless he was in pain, and those his cheeks were reddish, you touched his soft face and breathed relieved he wasn't sick anymore. You grabbed his chubby hand and pecked it gently, not wanting to disturb your son from his peaceful sleep.

As you returned to the kitchen, you could listen to Analuz and Chucho, he held her, telling her all about the fun afternoon they would have along with auntie Adelaide, but she only asked about her daddy. You knew Javier would be so cocky if he heard her asking for him so much.

"So are these for me?" You asked as you saw some letters and a box over the table, seeing the red, beautiful box had a card signed by your husband and something just told you you would avoid any embarrassment if you opened it by yourself. Analuz was curiously watching it, asking you if it was a box of chocolates, eager to have one, but it was pretty obvious that coming from Javi, it wasn't anything appropriate for a toddler, however, you frowned

"Why are you asking about chocolate? You've never had any…" you always made sure to keep your kids' eating habits as healthy as possible. Tiny kids didn't need sweets if they had fruits, but at daughter's guilty silence, you could see Chucho cleared his throat

"I'm sorry mijita, I was eating a bar the other day and she walked on me and I couldn't say no… it was just a tiny piece of chocolate but if it makes it any better, my Javi was also crazy about chocolate since he was a niñito así"

A part of you felt quite frustrated at how Chucho simply did anything your daughter wanted, even if sometimes he disregarded your instructions, he didn't do it on purpose or to piss you off, of course, he just wanted to make Analuz happy and you couldn't take that away from him, not after how amazing he'd been to you and how her birth helped him and Javier to get closer again, like they hadn't been ever since your husband was a child.

"It's okay Don Chucho, I just prefer Analuz eating fruits because it's better for her health, but a tiny piece of chocolate sometimes should be fine" you smiled at him, showing you weren't angry "under one condition of course: that you bring me some chocolate too" you winked at the older man who laughed out loud and Analuz giggled happily "you'we silly mommy" she said reaching for you and hugging you gently, your mariposa just had the power to melt everyone's heart.

Chucho cleared his throat again and looked at you "so mijita, I was thinking about taking your aunt Adelaide and Analuz for an ice cream at that place near the police station, is that okay with you?"

You held back your laughter and nodded with a sweet smile. Chucho had smoothly planned out a date with your aunt, as he could simply leave Analuz with her dad and spend time alone with your aunt. There was no denying the Peña charm ran in the family. You agreed to his plan, and though Analuz was immediately overly excited about the ice cream and visiting her daddy at work, you let her grandpa deal with it, taking your box and your mail to your bedroom.

You placed them carefully on the bed and you were about to start it by the beautiful box your husband sent to you, when one of the envelopes caught your attention: the stamps were from Colombia, which was extremely odd as you hadn't spoken to anyone from there since you left everything behind and went after your happiness in Laredo. Curiosity immediately caught your attention and you opened the envelope, taking the letter in hand and reading it as quickly as you could, you recognized the handwriting before you could even finish the first sentence and the confusion as to why your ex-boyfriend Manuel Herrera had sent you a letter was increasing, he was decisive for you to leave Colombia and go after Javier, he, out of everyone, advised you to seek your happiness, following your heart, even after you'd been such a bad girlfriend to him. You didn't regret any part of your story with Javi, you were just meant to be and no one could fight that, but you know some things the two of you should've handled better, and Manu was definitely one of them. You shook your head trying to keep the guilt away and concentrated on what he had to say, reading about how his life had been in the last four years you hadn't seen each other and how things had changed. He'd congratulated you on giving birth to your two children, apologized for always saying Javier would never be a good husband to you, and broke the news that he and Colleen - the receptionist you hated and also never kept her eyes off Peña - were about to get married and already had a bun in the oven. You laughed out loud at that information, thinking of how amusing life could really be. It was funny how things fell into the right place without much effort and eventually everyone found their own way. You couldn't wait to tell Javi that he would find it as amusing as you did, and you made a mental note to write back to Manu sometime and wish him well in his new life.

Setting aside the letter, you focused on the beautiful box you'd received from your husband, you thought of Colombia again and how he would leave small chocolates or other stuff here and there on your desk and how he got you flowers for your first date, you would never exchange the life you had for anything else in the world at all, but you'd be lying if you didn't say you missed those times, the flirting, the butterfly in your stomach, the desperate touches and even the uncertainty about your future made you a little nostalgic even if it didn't make any sense. Not being able to wait any longer, you just opened the box once for all, finding a gorgeous pair of blood red lingerie. It was just so Javi you blushed like a schoolgirl, as your fingers ran through the sophisticated fabric, seeing the beautiful sparkly details and even if your husband had fucked you raw against his work desk just a couple of hours before, you felt the wetness pooling in your underwear. The little note he'd sent with the present just told you to wear it that night for him, he couldn't wait to spend some time away with you.

•••

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Analuz's happy squeals filled the police station the moment Chucho stepped inside and let go of her little hand. She'd been there so many times already, everyone at the station was used to the little girl always looking for her daddy. Javier was doing some paperwork, nose buried in files with a pen in his hand when he heard his daughter's lovely voice and stopped everything he was doing to open the door to her. His heart skipping a beat at her presence and he would never imagine that someday in his life he would experience the purest kind of love anyone could ever do: their kids' love. Analuz had been his little girl since she was born, and there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her. It was funny for anyone who could see them, how Javier turned into a completely different person around his kids. He wasn't a former DEA agent and current chief of police anymore, he was just daddy. He was the father who would keep his daughter all the time with him, who would do anything she wanted, would play with her and make her feel like the luckiest little girl in the world. He watched her running towards him, like a beautiful little mariposa flying and opened his arms, welcoming her small body into a tight hug, lifting her up and resting his forehead against hers. His daughter was so gorgeous, being a tiny version of her equality gorgeous mommy, Javi never got tired of reminding you how alike the two of you were and how beautiful his girls are, he never thought he would be this happy before but here it was: his perfect life.

Analuz giggled, wrapping her arms around her daddy's neck and snuggling him

"Miss you daddy!" She said sweetly, not letting go of him at all. "Mommy is home, painting nails wed" she informed her dad and Javi approved your choice of color internally, he was dying to see your nails matching your lingerie later, but that would be something for him to think of later, because at that moment, he sat down, letting his beautiful Analuz get comfortable in his lap and grab the first pen and paper she could see and began drawing for him. When he worked in Colombia, he very often spotted kids' drawings on other agents' desk and he never got why they were so proud of that bunch of incoherent lines scribbled all over the paper, now he just couldn't get himself to throw away any of Analuz's drawings, they seemed so precious to him, even if they didn't make sense, he knew his beautiful daughter just put a lot of effort into them, so the solution was simple: Javi got one of those empty evidence boxes and placed it by his desk, always keeping her drawings there, that way he could always take a look at them when he missed his sweet mariposa during the day. And he already had another box sorted for Gabe too, knowing it was just a matter of time before he started experimenting with his papers and crayons.

"Whewe mommy and daddy going tonight?" Analuz raised her head from her drawing and looked at Javi curiously, she'd overheard grandpa Chucho telling auntie Adelaide about how her parents would have a date even if she didn't know what it was.

"Daddy is taking mommy dancing, because today is our anniversary, a few years ago on this day, daddy married your mommy in a beautiful party on our ranch and you were already there!" Her brown eyes widened in excitement to know that information though she couldn't remember it "but you were a tiny little seed in mommy's tummy… but I loved you just the same" and then former Agent Peña went so soft, especially when Analuz dropped her pen and wrapped her skinny arms around his neck. Sometimes Javi felt his heart would burst with love, there wasn't any other explanation to it, it was simple, pure and real love.

"I wanna dance too, daddy!!!" She asked excitedly and Javi grinned, standing up from his chair and placing his daughter's small feet on top of his, at the same time he held both hands "then follow daddy's steps like this…" he calmly explained as he began taking some dance steps to an inexistent song, but it didn't matter, he smiled at how happy she got, and suddenly Javi thought of how things would be in a few more years, he thought of his daughter's first dance in her quinceñera and wondered if she would still be close to him; he really hoped so, because he didn't know what he would do with himself if his mariposita distanced herself from him just like Javi had done with his own father, he felt a wave of melancholy and immediately pulled Analuz up, hugging her as tight as possible, listening to her happy giggles and feeling his pain slowly going away. A knock on the door interrupted them when officer Danny opened it

"Excuse me, chief… we just listened in the radio a big storm is coming and the mayor is recommending everyone to go home because there's risk of flooding the roads"

Javi nodded and sighed. Storms were never good and he knew the next day would bring them a lot of work, but for the moment, he got a free pass to go home earlier to his wife and daughter.

"Alright, if my dad stops by, tell him we went home"

•••

By the time it took Javi to drive home, the weather had changed completely; the beautiful, sunny day darkened in a matter of minutes, seeming the mid-afternoon had quickly turned into night and the first raindrops hit the ground almost at the same time he parked his truck and helped Analuz out of her seatbelt. He held her against his body and the two of them rushed inside, avoiding being caught by the rain. He sighed as he didn't see Chucho's truck and felt worried about his dad, but you immediately rushed to see your husband and your daughter. Gabe was now fully awake in your arms, his fever had finally broken and he was back to being the dweet, docile little baby boy you all were used to.

"Gabe!!" Analuz squealed excitedly to see her baby brother, she loved playing with him and he gave her a big gummy smile. Javi placed his little mariposa down and picked his son, holding him against his chest and kissing all over his chubby cheeks, before getting you with a peck on the lips

"Chucho called, he's with aunt Adelaide and they both went to your uncle's ranch, it was closer and they have shelter to wait for the storm to end, if it doesn't, they'll sleep there" you raised your eyebrow and Javi gave you a knowing nod, the two of you thinking exactly the same but not saying it out loud because of the kids, but yeah, probably something would happen between his dad and your aunt.

"I'm very sorry cariño, but I don't think we'll be able to go out tonight, I know you were looking forward to celebrating our anniversary…"

You shook your head and smiled "it's not your fault Javi, it's okay, we can't go out, but we'll stay home, with our family, we'll celebrate it with our beautiful kids" you assured him, nuzzling Gabe's cheek and making him giggle.

"Let me figure something out for dinner, my love, can you watch the kids?" You asked but you knew it wasn't even necessary, Javi was a great dad and he often watched the kids because he liked to, he enjoyed spending time and playing with them, and not simply because he had to. Of course, going out would be nice, but eventually, you enjoyed the fact you had the house for your husband and yourself, the kids wouldn't take long to fall asleep, and you two could enjoy the time to be together without any interruptions or the need to watch ourselves all the time.

Javi sat on the carpet with his kids, even if back protested against it, he just made sure to be there, holding them close and helping them playing with their own toys - Analuz loved her dolls and Gabe loved blocks - he just gave them attention, spending a precious time with them while the rain poured outside. You made your family some dinner and of course it wasn't a special menu like you figured you would have with Javi if you had gone out, but you also knew you would have other opportunities for that, it was nobody's fault, the weather could be unpredictable at times and no one could fight against the nature. After everyone had eaten and he'd helped you with the dishes, you sat on the couch with Javi and the kids, the four of you snuggling with each other, as the kids played happily with each other and you admired your husband. He was so handsome, just like the first time you got to Colombia and met the infamous Agent Peña, you couldn't wrap your head around the fact he was simply gorgeously handsome and just a few years later, he would be yours and no one else's.

At the first sign of the kids being sleepy, you took Gabe and Javi took Analuz, taking them to their shared bedroom. You placing your baby boy in the crib and Javi his little mariposa in bed. Gabe fell asleep easily, just like every night he was tucked in, wrapped in warm blankets and a couple of soft words from his mommy and he was happily off to dreamland. Analuz, on the other hand, could only fall asleep if her daddy told her a story, which he patiently did, no matter how tired he was, he would keep himself awake and tell her whichever stories she wanted to hear; fairies, princesses, pirates, spaceships or anything at all, he would make it up for her.

You wished your daughter goodnight and excused yourself, leaving father and daughter alone in the bedroom, Javi's hand stroked her small face, earning a lovely smile from her

"I love you daddy" she said between yawns and held his hand with her tiny one

"I love you too, mariposa, so much…" he pecked her forehead and watched as Analuz closed her little eyes and joined her brother in dreamland, the two of them being so safe and loved in the Peña family.

You turned around to see Javi walking into your living room, he had no right to look that devilish handsome in a pink shirt, but there he was: two buttons undone, strong arms exposed and tight jeans, just like your hot Colombian summer dream was. You bit your lips and smiled at him, you'd applied some red lipstick, matching your nails and the red gown you put on, over the gorgeous pair of lingerie he'd gifted you. He was dominated by the sight in front of him, you looked like a walking sin and it was all for him; he was a lucky bastard and nothing would ever change that. Taking a step closer, he placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer and licking his lips at the sight of you;

"Fuck me cariño… How can you walk around being so goddamn gorgeous all the time?" His voice wasn't much more than a low groan and he lowered himself enough to nuzzle your cleavage, his lips ghosting over your skin. You had always looked incredible to him, but he couldn't deny how much he loved your breasts after you got pregnant, it simply drove him mad.

Javi's soft touches went for your neck, at the same time you let out a shaky breath, that man knowing his shit and how to play you.

"I'm sorry our plans got ruined, I really wanted to have taken you out, I'm not complaining about your sexy attire here…" he pointed at your body covered by some tempting pieces of cloth "but I wanted to take you out, you spend a lot of time taking care of the house, the kids, of me… I wanted you to have fun" he sighed and gave you the puppy eyes as another thunder broke outside.

"It's not your fault the worst storm to hit Laredo in years happened to be on our anniversary day, Javi… besides, you got to come home earlier, we spent some nice time with our kids and the cherry on top is that the grown-ups are out and we have the house all for ourselves" you winked and the two of you burst out laughing. You noticed Javi swayed your hips at an imaginary step, and followed it shyly, dancing to the sound of rain.

"But just out of curiosity, where would you take me?"

"I'd take you out for dinner of course, maybe that steakhouse we like or the Italian place, it would be your call, hermosa… then I'd take you out to dance, we would dance some bolero and then I'd take you to the nice hotel, get ourselves a room and rail you into morning light"

You chuckled at Javi's sentence, seeing he had planned everything perfectly for that night, it would have been definitely special, you weren't doubting that, but you also likes how it ended up, just the two of you, intimate and cozy like it had always been, since the beginning of your relationship.

"Well, the last part we can still make it happen, chief Peña… you can rail me for as long as can take me" you teased and Javi's hand immediately went down on your ass, giving you a well-deserved swat and making you squeak "in fact, I'm all ready for it, you are the one who looks overdressed…" you undid another button of his shirt "but I'm a little curious: why go out to dance?"

"I realized I was a bad boyfriend and never took you out to dance while we were in Colombia, there were so many bars you wanted to have gone and we never did…"

"You were never a bad boyfriend, Javi, never. We just didn't have time, maybe because we dated for five minutes before getting married and having kids" the two of you chuckled again at your own inside joke "you've always been the best boyfriend in the world, you were so good at it I ended up marrying you"

"Do you ever miss it? Colombia, I mean? How we were back then, how things were horrible at work, but how good we were, how there used to be only you and me in the world once we got inside our apartment…" he asked you curiously and you nodded, surprised to see Javi held as much nostalgia as you did in your hearts.

"I do… it feels it happened ages ago, we were so young back then… well, I know it's only been what, four? Five years we've met? But it was a marriage and two babies ago, and we were very different people, I miss it too, as much as I love our family, it feels kind of sad knowing these special moments won't ever come back right? I mean, this moment right here, us dancing to nothing in our living room with a baby and a toddler sleeping peacefully in the next room will only be a sweet memory in a few years and sometimes that makes me sad becau-"

Javi kissed you. He knew how you had a habit of overthinking things and he didn't want it to make you upset when you two were having a special moment together. He held you tight, as if his life depended on it and though he understood perfectly what you meant, he knew you two couldn't let the fear of time passing by and changing your lives become bigger than the joy you felt in the present. He knew you two would be together for life and you had a beautiful family, perhaps another baby could come anytime, or not, it didn't matter because you were happy as long as you had each other.

"Mi amor, I was thinking… would you like to come back? To Colombia, like on vacation? We have some extra cash and maybe the kids would enjoy it too, visiting a different country, trying new food?"

"Do you mean, Bogota?"

"Well, I was thinking of Cartagena, with the beaches, the beautiful landscape… maybe we could even renew our vows?"

"I'd like that, Javi… I really would, going back to the place where you became my Javi and showing our kids that"

"Good then, Mrs.Peña, I can't wait"

That night Javi took you to bed, like many other nights you'd spent together, but instead of railing you like he said he would, he made love to you, just like it happened on your wedding day. He treated you like a delicate flower, with so much love, affection and appreciation, he showed you how much he adored you, your body, your touch, your taste, everything about you. You were his wife, the love of his life, the mother of his precious, beautiful children and all he could do was to thank God, or destiny, or whoever was in charge of giving that undeserving man so much joy and happiness in life. When you were more than satisfied, being brought to your orgasm for the fifth time that night, he allowed himself to finish inside of you, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours, mumbling love words under his breath. He panted as beads of sweat formed on his forehead, your bodies pressed tight against each other's. Javier rolled on his back and pulled you to him, you resting against his chest, letting out a tired but satisfied sigh as you listened to his heartbeat. You never wanted any other kind of life, looking back at all the good and bad you went with Javier, you knew you wouldn't change one single thing, because that was what led you and Javier to what you had now, a marriage full of love and a gorgeous family.

In the middle of the night, you woke up with Analuz poking your side. She wanted to tell you Gabe woke up with a thunder and started crying, but before you could even get up, Javier was already on it, walking to the kids' room and picking up his son. He checked if Gabe needed a diaper change, but he was fine; perhaps he just needed a snuggle. He pressed his son against his chest gently and pecked his forehead, the baby sniffed and buried his face into the crook of his daddy, and by the time Javier was back to bed, Analuz was already tucked into it, so warm. You chuckled at your husband and helped him get under the blankets. It didn't take long for Javi to fall asleep with the kids and you stayed awake a little longer, admiring them. The three of them were so peaceful at that moment, and you closed your eyes, joining your family in the sweet slumber, knowing once you woke up, they'd be there for you.

You and Javi weren't the best people in the world, you've had your share of doing bad things and hurting people's feelings, but you were just human beings with flaws and qualities, and you found love in each other, both of you lost at first, but things fell into the right place even if it took a while, and soon enough it all made sense, you and Javi were meant to be and nothing could ever keep the two of you apart.

Your family and was the best thing you had and you deserved all the happiness you got.

____

A/N: this is it, besties, the final chapter of our lovely story. Thank you so so so much for all the love you've given me and this story, I hope you liked it, it came from the bottom of my heart ❤️

And this incredible, gorgeous, amazing, beautiful fanart of Javi and his daughter Analuz made by my sweet friend @bl0odymari ❤️ thank you for it honey ❤️

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña x y/n #javier peña fanfiction #javier peña fanfic #javier peña imagine #javier pena #javier pena x y/n #javier pena x you #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena fanfic #javier pena imagine

[sadlynojellybeans]

So I am re-reading TOA and i have decided to write some things i noticed now that I know what is going to happen next.

THE HIDDEN ORACLE

Meg was about do develop a crush on Percy, and Apollo noticed. It was immediatly curbed by Percy mentioning his girlfriend. He did not even notice XD

Apollo actually got out of the three legged death race unscathed O.o Scared to death but unharmed

Lester is being surprisingly not pathetic??? I mean, he can't remember shit and has the constutution of a limp noodle, but he has not fainted in several chapters!!! Maybe it's because Camp Half Blood is a relatively safe space for them...

THE FORESHADOWING IN CHAPTER 26 IS DEVASTATING - he gets confirmation it is the emperors behind everything and he thinks "i would have rather tangled with Tartarus or Ouranos or Primordial Chaos" APOLLO PLEASE

Speaking of foreshadowing, Rhea?!??!? "Find your center. Enlightenment has to come from within" HELLO??!?!??

Apollo mentioning he caused an earthquake that wiped out most of Sparta and that he never liked the Spartans much??? What about HYACINTHUS???????

"I busted out some footwork the Nine Muses and I had been working on" please I want so bad to see Apollo dance. Especially Apollo as Lester

Apollo being absolutely convinced that he will never have a proper partner is tragic. "It was not in my destiny" bro

The Germani appear and the absolute first thing Apollo does is move in front of Meg. "Instinctively". This is the same guy that at the beginning of the book was evaluating which demigods would be best to keep on hand to throw at quests. I can't. Just how much exactly did he repress his protective instincts through the years and centuries?

I find so fascinating that Apollo wants to strike Nero down immediately after meeting him. Like, yes. Apollo is a god. And he would not allow anyone to threaten what he cares about. Even after his trials, he might be kinder and more attentive to demigods, but I think that anybody who crosses him (really crosses him) will have to start praying for mercy.

If there is one thing I can say about TOA is that it is certainly expanding my musical horizons, with all the songs I have to check out on youtube just to have an idea of what Apollo is singing about.

He did not suck during the confrontation with Nero?! Burst of godly strength saved the day and his dignity

"Just because she had lied about being my friend did not mean I wasn't hers. She was in danger. I was not going to leave her" man. He cares so fucking much. No wonder he never let anybody get close to him in the last years.

Didn't they say a sonnet was worse than a limerick in the next book?

"BLESS HIS CONNIVING LITTLE HEART". "Children of Hermes cannot rap". "[Cecil] was demoted to dancer" skjsjskansnkzbsnsmmsnzm

It's kind of ... sad? How happy Apollo is when flying on the giant ants. He is used to being a god who can fly whenever he wants, and a part of him is usually in the sky every day as he drives the sun chariot. And instead he has been stranded on earth, away from what is both his duty and something he greatly enjoys. "It felt so good to fly again. [...] For two or three seconds I was exhilarated".

AND THE ARROW OF DODONA IS FINALLY HERE AND TALKING FRIENDS!!!!

I cannot believe I am so happy because of a talking arrow

The arrow QUIVERED kjsnsksjsnsnzjxndnsk i love them so much

Not Apollo asking where Jason Grace is 💀

I genuinely cannot understand if this is foreshadowing or really lucky wording on Riordan's part. Rachel asks about Meg and Apollo thinks "She might as well have plunged the Arrow of Dodona into my chest". RICK. RICK DID YOU KNOW? HAD YOU ALREADY THOUGTH ABOUT THAT SCENE IN TBM OR WAS IT PURE CHANCE????

WE WERE ROBBED. I have been wondering for a few days if in TOA we ever see Apollo sing for fun (not to confuse enemies, not to open doors, not for any practical purpose. Just for the fun of it). The depressing answer seems to be no, although I might have forgotten. At the end of THO it is implied that Apollo, Leo and Calypso join the sing-along at CHB, but the fact that the books end before we actually see him sing is a travesty.

#trials of apollo #toa #toa apollo #lester papadopoulos #meg mccaffrey #the hidden oracle

[emilyssky]

Chapter 12: The Mess We Made

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, choking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

One year ago today Chan was running around my apartment, anxiously changing from a variety of dress shirts and pants. I remember how big this event was for him and how nervous he was about going for the first time, since back then he only knew the boys just a couple of months. This year things are different.

To say that I was anxious about going is an understatement and thank fucking god that Emma let me borrow one of her dresses cause I probably wouldn't have gone otherwise. Emma grew up in a quite wealthy family, she attended one of the best private schools in the area, and that involved many fancy parties and proms. So she has a good amount of nice, long dresses.

Unlike Emma, I was invited last minute and not by the person I would like, either way, I'm happy that Jeongin invited me the night we hang out. In Seungmin's family apparently, it's a tradition to host a Christmas Eve dinner party, and was a massive deal for him growing up. His nights before Christmas were filled with fancy dresses and suits, people drinking a shit tone of champagne, and 5-star catering employees walking around with plates of foods too small to be that expensive while classical Christmas music played in the background. During the last few years that he's been living on his own, he decided to carry on his family tradition and this year is no exception. I was kind of excited, I have to admit, it's not every day that I get to wear a fancy-ass dress and act like I'm not a broke college student that can barely keep her shit together. The one thing that I was stressing about was the fact that you had to bring a date. Of course, Seungmin told me that it would be completely okay if I show up alone but honestly, it will feel a little pathetic going solo, especially since he's going to be there. A small part of me wanted him to ask me that night. I waited and waited until the second I got out of his car but he never did. Moments from yesterday have been playing through my mind on repeat, like a film from an old movie, bits and pieces of the way he look at me and how the way his smile made the night sky a little brighter. I didn't expect him to call or text but still, since I woke up every time a notification would pop up a part of me hoped it was him. I'm both scared and curious to see how he's gonna act tonight but I know that if he acts like nothing happen it's gonna hurt just a little more this time.

Chan, Hyunjin, and Felix offered to be my dates yet I said no to all three of them. Everyone knows that we're friends and if I showed up with one of them as my date it would mean that I wasn't able to find someone else. Which is true, finding someone who's willing to come as your date to a nice Christmas Eve party is harder than I thought. When Kai offered to be my date after overhearing me complain to Hyunjin about not having one I was extremely reviled. I like Kai, he's pretty chill and I feel like he's going to be a great date, plus everyone knows him. Emma is going with Seungmin obviously, while Chan, Hyunjin, and Felix are all going solo, probably in hopes of getting laid.

I smoothen the front of my dress as we step into the elevator. The dress Emma gave me is breathtaking. It's a deep, dark shade of red that contrasts with the paleness of my skin perfectly and the satin fabric falls loose around my body yet tight enough in the right places in order to hug my curves perfectly. The straps are thin, not offering much support to my breasts, but thankfully Emma and I have similar chests so the cups of the dress are enough. My whole back is bare, the fabric starting from the top of my ass and hitting the ground while the big cut that's starting from the middle of my thigh, exposed almost my whole leg. I kept my makeup natural, letting the dress and the deep red that painted my lips do all the work. On any other occasion, I would've perfectly straightened my hair, but his compliment from last night tickled the side of my brain, so I let my long, thick brown curls fall all over my shoulders and down my back.

I bounced my right leg up and down, the sound of my heels clicking against the floor of the large elevator filling the small space.

"Can't you just relax?" Emma touched up the sides of her nude, glossy lips with the tip of her finger in the elevator mirror. She is dressed in a white, tight, strapless dress that makes her figure look almost fake. The way her boobs are pushed upwards and the way the fabric of the dress is so tight around her waist make her body look incredible, offering her an hourglass shape.

"Yeah, you've been fidgeting the whole way here." Kai adds, leaning against the wall with hands in his pockets. He's wearing a simple black suit with a dark red tie to match my dress, which I find really thoughtful and cute. His dirty blond hair is messily styled, yet somehow he managed to look like a runway model.

"I've never been in anything like this before." I mumble but in reality, that's not the reason I've been on edge since I woke up. It's not the people that are gonna be there, it's not the fancy setting or the nice clothes. It's him. It's the fact that he's going to be there, and the irritating feeling deep inside me that he's not going to be alone.

Kai pushes himself off the wall just as the elevator doors over. "You look stunning, relax." He leans in my way, his tone just a little lower than before.

I exhale, forming a small smile and we exit the elevator.

"It's going to be so much fun!" Emma squeals, fastening her step down the hall. "I'm so excited!"

We reach their door and Emma rings the doorbell. I feel my palms sweating already, my fingers playing with each other nervously. Kai shoots me a glance before resting his hand on my lower back, his fingers brushing my hip.

The door opens.

Seungmin's eyes go wide, the rest of his face staying completely still. "You're kidding." His gaze travels along her body.

Her smile goes wide, her whole face blushing. "You like it?"

He clears his throat. "There are people here." His tone drops so that only we are able to hear him. "So I can't really express myself properly. "

I hold my laugh. They're so freaking cute.

He opens the door further. "Please, come in."

The apartment is brighter than ever, with beautiful chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, crystals reflecting the light perfectly down on the crowd of people talking and slow dancing in the middle of the massive living room. All the furniture has been removed, the couch, the armchairs, the tables, everything, leaving the space empty and open. I can count almost 30 people here, and I can't help but let my eyes stare in awe at all the beautiful dresses and outfits. It's like a ball straight out of a movie, with slow music playing in the background, the food, the drinks, and the people, it's incredible.

"Oh, my god baby..." Emma whispers, wrapping her arm around Seungmin as we walk further into the apartment.

"Don't worry, " He says, sensing how nervous all 3 of us suddenly are. "Everyone here is in my inner circle, just close friends and family. All the guys are already here, as well."

Em's feet freeze. "Family?"

A soft smile overtakes Seungmin's lips. "Come with me."

We watch as he drags her further into the crowd, disappearing.

"Well," Kai turns to me. "Shall we go find the others?"

"I'm gonna need a drink first." I chuckle nervously.

Kai looks around, locking eyes with one of the waiters walking slowly between the people, offering them a glass of champagne, and motions for him politely to come our way.

"Champagne?" The blond waiter offers with a sweet smile.

I curl my fingers around a glass, lifting it off his tray. "Thank you."

He nods politely and walks away.

"I see them," Kai says close to my ear. "Let's go."

He takes my hand in his, leading the way to the end of the living room, near the massive windows, that offered an incredible view of the night city. All of them are standing there in a circle talking amongst themselves. Chan's eyes spot us and I can't help but smile at his expression.

"No way." He shakes his head, not believing his eyes. His comment makes everyone's head snap in our direction.

"Holy shit!" Hyunjin's eyes go wide, the glass of champagne freezing inches away from his mouth.

"What can I say?" Kai lifts his free hand, shrugging with a smug expression. " I might have the hottest date in the whole party."

"Shut up." I roll my eyes, his comment making heat spread all over my face.

Chan inches forward, looking at me from head to toe. "You look unreal." He takes my hand, pulling me away from Kai's grip and spinning me into a circle. "Wow."

I can't help but giggle a little.

"No seriously," Hyunjin moves to stand next to Chan. "You look hot as fuck."

"Thank you guys." I nod at both of them, appreciating the way they always go out of their way to make me feel good about myself. "You don't look but yourselves."

Chan adjusts his black tie, making it a little tighter around his neck before rolling up the sleeves of his perfectly straight, white dress shirt, that I ironed a few hours ago after much begging from his part. With black dress pants, black boots, and his dark, messy curls styled just enough to look good but not preppy, he looks shockingly different. Hyunjin wears a similar outfit to Chan and with a face like his and the way his long, blonde hair falls just above his shoulders, he looks like a prince. I move my gaze behind them, noticing Jisung, Jeongin, and Changbin with Lia, who's apparently the only one with a date. I quickly realize that Minho and Felix are missing.

"Where's Felix and Minho?" I ask them as casually as I can.

I notice the small glance that they exchange before Hyunjin speaks up. "Smoke break." I simply nod and move to greet the rest of them.

"Oh, my gosh you look stunning!" I give her a quick hug.

She tugs her hair behind her ear, shyly. "Thank you, you look amazing too."

"Green?" I lift my eyebrow at Changbin's dark green suit.

"I don't like boring outfits." He smirks. "The room is full of them."

"Shut up, Shrek." Jisung rolls his eyes at his friend, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey," I mumble with a soft smile in the small space between his shoulder and his neck.

"I was waiting for you." He says.

"Too many people?"

He scoffs a laugh. "Too many fancy, important people and not enough alcohol to get me though. There are some people connected to my family here as well and let's say that I would rather not talk to them at all. " He explains.

I remember when Minho explained to me everything about Jisung's past and how he and Seungmin are connected but I mask my face and pretended not to know anything. "Really?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you another time."

"Okay." I touch his shoulder sympathetically.

"Hello, gorgeous." Jeongin pulls me in a small, side hug, his cologne hitting my nose immediately.

"Hi." I smile at his compliment.

"So you found a date?" He nods Kai's way, who's chatting with Chan and Hyunjin.

"More like the date found me." I shrug.

He takes a sip of his champagne. "Bummer."

"Bummer?" I lift my eyebrows. "Why?"

"I would've asked you if I knew you were available." He boldly states, his face natural and his eyes confident.

"What made you think I wasn't available when you told me about the party?" I reply, mirroring his confidence.

His face breaks into a smile, dropping his head a little lower. "Were you?"

His question almost feels challenging and makes me wonder if he knows anything about me and Minho.

I look away, into the crowd. "Jeongin, if you had asked me, I would've said yes." I reply instead.

I feel him taking a step forward. "Well, I'll remember that moving forward."

I don't know what to do or say besides simply smiling at him, his forceful approach taking me by surprise.

He lifts his half-empty glass of champagne towards me and I do the same, before drowning the remains of the bubbly liquid.

"May I steal her for a few minutes?" I feel Kai's hand resting on my back.

Jeongin brings his lips into a tight smile. "Of course, she's your date after all."

I let Kai lead me to the dance floor where a good amount of couples are slow dancing to a beautiful melody coming from the speakers. I place my hand comfortably on his shoulder and wrap the other one around his before we start swinging to the music.

"So," He drags the word. "You're switching to one of his best friends?"

I look at him confused. "What?"

"I thought Minho was the one you were going after." He lets go of my waist, spinning me 2 times before settling back into our previous position.

"I'm not 'going after' anyone." I straighten my back. "And to answer your question; no. Minho wasn't one."

"And Jeongin is?" He presses but not at all in a rude or angry way. His tone is light and conversational.

"Can't a girl just have fun?" I almost whine out loud.

"Oh, trust me you can have fun." He chuckles charmingly. "If having 3 guys running after you is your idea of fun."

Now it's my turn to chuckle. "That's not true."

He clears his throat. "You're right, 4."

I narrow my eyes at his hint of a smile. " I know I'm not your type."

He tightens his grip, pulling a little closer, my body pressing onto his. "No, you're not. But I would never say no to you."

That, I've known for a while. Chan had told me that Kai was interested in me months ago, yet despite him being breathtakingly handsome and a really nice guy, I wasn't ready to move on. I wasn't ready to hook up or mess around cause if I would have gotten involved with him, that's all our relationship would be.

"Ah," He purrs near my ear. "And that's the reason you would say no, to both me and Jeongin." I feel his head nod in the opposite direction, his words making my body freeze on his hands. "Don't look, it will make it too obvious."

I wanna look. I wanna look so bad. The desire to simply see him is so intense that it scares me and makes me feel like an addict wanting desperately to get his hit.

"Is he looking?" I whisper in his ear, even though I know Minho can't possibly hear me, and even though I somehow can feel his eyes burning at my exposed back.

"Yep. Intensely, may I add."

I don't move a muscle. "Is he alone?" I asked the question that's been eating me alive.

"Nope."

I exhale, and I try to stay relaxed, I try to keep dancing, pretending to be unbothered by his presence and honestly, my curiosity would have gotten the best of me if Seungmin's voice didn't echo through the speaker, interrupting the music and dancing.

"First of all, I would like to thank each and every one of you that decided to spend Christmas Eve here." He says into the mic, standing on top of the first few steps of their huge staircase, getting everyone's attention. Kai forces our movements to a halt but still keeps a hand on my waist as we stand, facing Seungmin just like everyone.

"This gathering means so much to me, and I'm really happy that I get to host my own version of my family's tradition along with all the people that matter most to me."

It's eating me up inside, an uncontrollable craving and a tightness in my chest. Just a look, a tiny little glance to satisfy my curiosity.

"To my bandmates, to my friends, to my family, and to my lovely girl." He lifts his glass and the whole room does the same. Emma stands in front of him, smiling like I've never seen her before.

Just a peek.

I turn my head to the right, slightly and carefully, with my glass lifted towards Seungmin but the rest of his speech fades into background noise the minute my eyes lock with his. I swear to god, if Kai wasn't holding my waist, my knees would have bugled.

There he was, standing a few meters away, looking simply breathtaking. And already looking at me. Looking at me with a spark in his eyes, a force, a look so dark that made my throat dry, and I couldn't look away, I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looks, unlike anything I've seen him before. He's dressed in black dress pants that make his thighs look mouthwatering and a simple black dress shirt with the first few buttons open, exposing his wide chest. His hair, for the first time ever, is styled, with the left side slightly pushed back while the right front part of his hair falls perfectly over his eye. He looks so magnetizing that I almost didn't notice the petite blonde clinging to his side, under his arm. Dressed in a black, skintight, long-sleeve dress, with a full face of makeup and full red lips.

He smirks, lifting his glass my way with a challenging nod.

"So please enjoy yourselves tonight, and let's welcome Christmas in the best way possible." I snap my eyes back to Seungmin, finally able to breathe. Everyone starts cheering and clapping and when the music started playing again, everyone went back to either dancing or talking almost themselves while enjoying the incredible food and drinks, but I can't move. Not when my mind is glued to the image of her next to him. Who is she? I've never seen her before.

"Do you want another drink?" Kai asks. "Maybe a stronger one?"

"Yes, please." I breathe, wanting nothing more than to be dragged away from the dance floor, and enjoy a strong gin tonic in the corner, where I can't even see him. I let Kai lead the way, with his hand placed on my lower back. We reach the bar, and spot Felix and Hyunjin talking.

"Y/n!" Felix's eyes widen. "You look incredible." He wraps his arms around my waist, lifting my feet off the ground.

A series of giggles escape me. "Put me down! You're drawing attention."

"Are you enjoying the party?" Hyunjin questions with a lift of his eyebrows and a small knowing smile.

Instead of answering, I lean into the counter closer to the bartender making the drinks. "One gin tonic, please. Strong."

Felix lets out a low whistle. "We'll take that as a no."

"I was enjoying my night just fine." I cross my hands, looking into the distance. They're still on the dance floor, her hands loose around his neck and his holding her waist, like they've never held mine. They move slowly to the music as they chat casually. It's hard to stop my eyes from narrowing at the way his face looks almost relaxed, with a light smile as he speaks.

"Staring at him won't work." Hyunjin jokes, copying my position, arms crossed, back leaning into the table.

Felix lets out a laugh.

"Your drink miss." The bartender pushes the glass my way and I take it in my hands, taking a sip immediately.

"Is something going on that I don't know about?" Felix gives me a look.

"Nope." I shake my head, continuing to sip my drink, not taking my eyes off them.

"Something is definitely going on." Kai copies my position as well.

"You can tell us." Hyunjin adds.

"Nothing's going on." I've drank almost half of my drink already. "And even if there was, I wouldn't tell any of you."

"Excuse me?" Felix says, giving me a glare from head to toe while Hyunjin places a hand over his heart.

"Oh, please!" I roll my eyes at their reactions. "You would run to Chan and give him a full presentation of what I'd said, and you know it."

"That's a lie." Felix points his finger at me. "Your secrets are always safe with us princess."

"Exactly." Hyunjin nods. "Even if it's about fucking one of Chan's best friends"

"It's not like that!" Hyunjin's words make my tone rise, feeling a sudden need to explain myself but they simply laugh. "And besides, Chan's my-" Speaking of the devil Chan makes his way toward us, with his hands casually in his pockets, walking through the crowd like he's 7 feet tall.

"Chan!" I greet him. "Hi."

"Hello, pretty lady." He offers me a broad smile, before turning his attention to Felix and Hyunjin. "I need some help."

"Why? What happened?"

"Seungmin's having some trouble with the cakes." He scratches the back of his neck, a habit of his. "For some reason, they couldn't be delivered here, so someone has to go and get them from the bakery, which closes in approximately," He checks his watch. "19 minutes."

"I'll come. " Felix offers immediately.

"Oh, my god, thanks man." Chan sighs in relief.

"No, problem." He sets his half-empty glass on the table. "We'll finish the conversation later." He sends me a wink.

"What conversation?"

Felix pushes Chan towards the door, chuckling. "Nothing mate, come on let's go."

. . . . . . . . .

I tried sneaking glances as much as I could, whether he was dancing with her, going to get a drink at the bar, or absolutely devouring the mini burgers, and he didn't find my eyes once. Even when he was talking with the rest of the boys and I stood only a few feet away, fully involved in the conversation as well, he never once addressed me. In fact, he didn't even look my way. At all. All night. He smiled and talked, and acted like nothing was going on, like he was fully comfortable with me being almost right next to him. Like nothing had happened. He was simply ignoring me the whole night, so successfully that it made pure rage grow inside me. At the fact that it was so each for him to do so, when I couldn't even breathe properly when he was near, at the way he smiled and talked and danced with her, and most importantly at the way he looked absolutely ravishing. Simply stunning.

My anger was growing and growing each second, each minute, each hour passing and I found myself at the bar more often than I should. The party was beautiful. The decorations, the music, the elegantly dressed people, everything. Kai did dance with me numerous times, and I also danced with Hyunjin and Jisung but at times like these when Kai is somewhere talking or smoking with the boys and Emma is busy playing hostess with Seungmin, I give myself a second to simply do some people watching, and fully take in this beautiful scene unraveling in front of me. Everyone is having a great time, Emma and Seungmin along with Changbin and Lia are currently on the dance floor, and the rest of the boys are chatting and laughing. Every single person in here, has a smile on their face, enjoying the moment, something I can't bring myself to do. Hell, even Minho has a hint of a smile on his face.

I drown my 4th glass of gin and tonic.

"Easy there tiger." Jisung takes the now-empty glass from my hand. "Someone's clearly not having fun."

"I am having fun." I scoff. "In fact, I'm having a great time, this party is amazing." I wave my hand around.

"Yes, it is." He smiles, focusing his eyes on me. "Are you okay, kid?"

It's weird how Jisung can always realize when something's wrong, but then again I don't think that I'm making a good job of hiding it.

"Can I ask you a question?" I ask back.

"Sure."

"Do you smoke?"

He blinks at my straightforward question. "Occasionally, yes. Why?"

"Can I have one?"

He blinks again. "Um," Another blink. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Please." I press in a high-pitched tone when he appears to be looking around, probably for Hyunjin.

He sighs but reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

"For an occasional smoker, you sure are prepared." I tease.

He rolls his eyes at me with a smile. "Do you want it or not?" He holds a cigarette between his fingers.

My eyes light up and I immediately take it. "Yes please."

"I'd suggest you go somewhere else to smoke it." He lets his eyes trail around the room once again as if we're dealing right in front of 30 people, placing a lighter in my hands as well.

"Yes, I know." I hide the cigarette inside my palm. "Thanks, Jisung."

He gives me a short nod with a hint of hesitation in his big brown eyes and lets me walk away from him. My legs drag me up the stairs, making a turn to the only room I've ever been in this house. I open the big, glass door and exit the room, walking into the massive balcony. This time I don't climb the stairs to the roof, I walk further into the balcony until I reach the railing. It's a lovely night, perfect for Christmas Eve, the stars and moon lighting up the night sky and blending perfectly with the chilly atmosphere. I shiver, my bare shoulders moving inwards mechanically in an attempt to protect my body from the cold yet I don't wrap my arms around it, instead, I welcome the cold and let it lift the little hairs on my arms and spread goosebumps across my skin. Something about the cold air hitting me, this shivering feeling tingling my back, calms me down. It's like reality showering you in the best way possible, grounding you. I take the cigarette between my teeth, the red of my lips staining the edge and I circle my hand around it, lighting it up. The first inhale hits me hard, reminding me just how much I've missed it; the feeling of the sudden numbness in your brain unraveling and spreading everywhere in your body, and how suddenly with each inhale you feel more and more separated from the world around you. I let the moment sink in in my intoxicated mind, appreciating where I am right now and saving it. I know that my moment is gone when I hear the noise, the footsteps, and the door slamming, and even though I stay still, facing the night sky, hands resting on the railing, it doesn't take longer than 5 seconds to realize that it's him. Maybe it was his sweet vanilla scent mixed with a hint of cigarettes, that filled the air immediately or the way his light, slightly audible breathing sounded somewhat familiar, but I knew.

"Hello, Angel."

"Minho," I simply acknowledge him.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo on your back." He spoke in a low, controlled tone.

The corners of my mouth lift. "I have 5." I stay facing forward, pausing to take another drag of the cigarette and taking my time to exhale the smoke. "And there are many things you don't know about me."

"Like?" He starts walking my way, and I know that he has his hands in his pockets and a small smile is dancing on those beautiful lips, without having to look.

"You'll find out if you stop ignoring me."

My comment forced a chuckle out of him and suddenly he appears to my right with his back resting on the railing, facing me. When I move my eyes from the night sky to look at him, regret showers me from head to toe. I was right about the small smile but definitely not prepared for the way he looks at me through his long lashes. Having not made eye contact for most of the night, being here, and being looked at by him feels like the highlight of my night. And I hate it, almost as much as I hate the way my heart starts beating just a little bit faster.

His fingers come up, snatching the cigarette from between my own in such a swift movement, bringing it to his mouth. "Smoking doesn't look good on you, angel."

I admire how he moves the cigarette to his other hand, the one away from me, taking a drag of it midway and exhaling, and it's honestly crazy how attractive it is to me. "I don't care." I reply, trying to appear unbothered.

"Are you enjoying the dance?" He asks and if I didn't know any better, I would think that he actually cared but I recognize the irony in his voice.

"Of course, I am," I play along. "It's wonderful."

He drops his eyes to the floor. "I think I'm getting pretty good at realizing when you're lying."

My body stiffens. "I'm not lying." The party is wonderful...

"Well, I think you are." His words mix with the smoke as he exhales.

"And what makes you think that?" I further ask, holding eye contact for just a few seconds.

He shrugs. "Maybe it was the quite visible stiffness of your body the whole time, the constant frown that was plastered on those red lips, or the way too much drinking out of discomfort and nervousness. But I think it was probably the fact that you danced only up to 30% of your abilities thanks to that lame excuse of a partner you choose to drag along with you as a date." A small smile threatens to spread on his face, but he contains it.

"None of what you've just said is true," I try to brush him off, forcing myself to act like his words didn't affect me or how it scared me that everything he just said is in fact true. It makes me feel like I can't possibly hide from him, as if he can read me like an open book without even trying. "And don't talk shit about Kai, he's a great date and someone I actually know and have fun with."

His smile widened into a smirk. "Anna and I know each other for quite some time."

I stare into the sky again. "I didn't ask and I don't care."

"You didn't have to, I can see how it's been eating you up inside since you laid eyes on us." The confidence that laces his teasing tone makes me tense up and I feel his gaze on me as he continues.

Us...

"I saw the way you roamed your eyes from her head to her toes every chance you got, probably analyzing everything about her." He blows the last bit of the smoke before pressing the edge of the remaining cigarette on the railing and throwing it away. "It was easy to guess what was going through your mind, " He pushes himself off the railing and moves slowly, almost like a cat, circling around me and leaning closer and closer. "Questions, questions, so many questions, and doubts. I could almost feel you comparing every little thing about her to you." He stops behind me, his chest nearly touching my back yet still knocking the air out of my chest. I swallow hard, feeling his head moving to the side of my face, just above my shoulder.

"And honestly, I don't know what felt more entertaining to me; the fact that I could smell the jealousy out of you or the fact that you actually thought that she stands a chance next to you." He whispers, lips brushing against the cell of my ear and I'm on fire, from head to toe. He's suddenly close, so close, his scent hitting my nose, intoxicating my brain even more and memories of his hands on me and his body pressing against mine begin to dance around my head.

"Minho.." I try my best to sound stable, but my words come out breathy.

He pushes his face further into the curve of my neck, his lips traveling all around, brushing my skin. "What do you want angel?"

Such a dangerous question to ask when I feel like he has my body wrap around his finger without even touching it. "S-stop it. You can't do that."

His low chuckle against my skin sends a wave of vibrations all the way down to my core. "Can't?"

"Yes." I somehow find the strength to push my body away from his and turn to face him, resting my back against the railing for much-needed support. "You've been ignoring me the whole night, and now you wanna come and play games with me? That's not how it works." I cross my arms.

His face is now stripped of any playfulness, his features turning hard as he looks down at me. A moment of silence passes until he decides to speak. "I wasn't ignoring you."

I chuckle lightly. " Yes, you were. Completely."

He bites his bottom lip softly, eyes moving up and down my body fast. "I wasn't ignoring you, " He repeats. "I was trying to contain myself. There's a difference."

I feel my breath shaking at his words, and all I can do is stare at him, no words coming out.

He looks up, inhaling, tongue running over his bottom teeth as he steps forward. "You look fucking exquisite." He drawls. His hands grip the railing tight, trapping me. "My breath was yours the minute I laid eyes on you."

I can only hear my heart drumming against my chest, his words making me freeze. "I don't-"

A noise escapes him, almost like a growl. His nose bumps against mine gently, and his cigarette breath fills the small space between us. "You think I was enjoying watching him have his hands all over you?"

"It sure looked like it. " I whisper, looking up at him.

His eyes are dark, moving everywhere around my face before settling on my lips. "That was the point."

"Why is everything a game to you?" I can't help but whine.

He doesn't answer instead he brushes his lips against mine, taking my words and breath, and flashes me a look. His eyes warning me and asking me at the same time, and in a split second his lips are on mine. His mouth moved with so much power, so much force that it made my grip on the railing tighten as my knees almost gave up. It didn't take long before my mind caught up, making my own lips move against his with the same hunger and he hummed in response, satisfied. His cold hands cupped my jaw as his tongue began brushing aggressively against mine, demanding complete access which I was more than happy to provide. Our mouths danced together in a way that felt almost like a war, biting and sucking, nibbling and pulling, his hand traveled to my hair, grabbing a handful of my dark curls and forcing my head to tilt upwards, breaking the kiss with a choked moan. His mouth traveled to my jaw and down to my neck, leaving wet spots behind and marking my skin softly.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me to contain myself all night,"  He breaths out. "when all I wanted to do was bend you over and admire how hot the back of that dress would look as I fuck you from behind. "

A sound so desperate and needy ripped through my throat at his words, my body in shock and melting in his hands as he continues to devour my neck and chest, his mouth going everywhere.

"Minho.." I find the strength to whisper.

"Yeah, I know.." He groans against my skin.

"Someone could see us." I add.

He drags his lips from my neck back to my jaw, until his mouth is ghosting over mine again "I know," His eyes are hungry and wild. "don't care though."

I laugh under my breath. "We both know that's a lie."

"A lie?"

"Minho, you don't wanna be seen with me." I shake my head lightly. "Every time we're around people you act like a completely different person."

"It's not that angel." He exhales against my lips, brushing his nose against mine. His hands move slowly, from my jaw down my chest, his rough fingers toy with the thin straps of my dress before traveling down to my exposed cleavage. His eyes meet mine as he drags his fingers in between my breasts, making my nipples harden, the shape of them visible through the thin satin material. His mouth twists when he notices, his lips coming together hard. I feel my breath tremble as his hand passes from my stomach and doesn't stop. I switch my gaze from his hand to his eyes nervously while he stays focused on his movement, with eyebrows frowned. When his fingers brush over my core, I inhale sharply, holding my breath.

"God, it would be so satisfying to see just how wet you are for me right now." He lets out a low groan, smiling.

"I'm not." I swallow, tightening my jaw, looking at him dead in the eye.

His smile turns into a smirk, dark and wicked, that shakes me to my core and awakes a hunger deep inside me, making me wetter than I already was. "Let's check then shall we?"

Before I have any time to protest or do anything, he knocks my left foot with his, making my legs open enough for his hand to creep in from the opening of the dress that exposed my leg from my hip bone all the way down to my ankle.

"Minho!" My voice comes out more like a whine, the end of his name dying in my throat as his fingers waste no time, pulling my underwear to the side.

"Ah, shit." He hums in approval closing his eyes when his finger opens my folds, gently rubbing my clit and letting my wetness soak it. His smile grows as his teeth capture his bottom lip between them. "You're dripping baby."

I place my hands on his chest. "Please, s-stop."

"I don't think you want me to stop. Not when I can so easily do," His middle finger slides inside me, effortlessly. "This."

A moan leaves my lips, my head falling back at the unexpected pleasure.

His finger starts moving, fast and hard, making wet, sinful sounds mixed with my embarrassing whimpering fill the air.

"That's it, baby." He drags the words, in a low tone, attaching his lips once again against my jaw.

"Oh my god," I brokenly say, fisting his shirt. He slides another finger in with absolutely no warning, keeping the same brutally pleasurable pace and I feel my stomach tightening, the pleasure building and building. Everything has faded again, an effect that only he has on me, suddenly it's just me and him and I find myself not caring about where we are or who can see us as I let myself fall apart on his fingers.

His lips find mine, swallowing my gasps, in a sloppy kiss. "You feel so good around my fingers angel." His free hand comes up to cup my jaw, forcing my eyes to him, foreheads touching. "You think you can come for me? Huh?"

The way he speaks, so cockily and confidently, is challenging me and I hate how much the way he teases and handles my body, pushes me closer to the edge. This back-and-forth thing between us, this feeling, this rush of adrenaline that consumes me every time he's around is getting addictive and I want more and more. I want him more and more.

His fingers curled inside me, effortlessly finding that spot, and hitting it repeatedly. "S-shit."

"Found it." He says proudly in my ear, gently biting my earlobe, and if I wasn't currently on the verge of having an orgasm at a balcony, during Seunming's Christmas Eve party, I would have slapped that smirk off his face.

The knot in my stomach tightens, my legs begin to shake, and I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest, heat rising to my face. His thumb finds my clit, rubbing circles over it and the second he applies just the tiniest amount of pressure, I feel the pleasure creeping in.

"Minho, I'm g-gonna.." My orgasm hits me like a wave, my whole body going numb, gasps and moans of his name fall from my lips.

"There we go baby," He groans, connecting his forehead to mine again. "Ride it out." All of his digits move perfectly together, not slowing down even a tiny bit, as I make a mess of them. My eyes stay shut, still unable to breathe while the remains of my high still linger, the bliss still tingling my insides.

When he feels me relax, he pulls his fingers out, letting some of my release wet my inner thighs. I open my eyes slowly meeting his. He's grinning like a satisfied child, that got what he wanted.

"Well," He lifts an eyebrow, bringing his two fingers to his mouth and wrapping his full, pink lips around them, sucking them clean while holding eye contact. "That was lovely."

I blink and I swallow hard, and then blink again. Staring up at him, not really knowing what to say, my mind completely blank. "I- uhm.." I stutter, and it could be my head trying to wrap itself around what just happened or how the moonlight falls on his face perfectly, lighting up his big, brown eyes, but I struggle to form a sentence. His hair, a little messed up, probably from my hands, and his whole face, glowing, making me wish I could take a photo of him in this moment.

"I-I-uhm," He mocks, eyes moving all over my face. "Not knowing what to say; that's the 'Minho effect'. " He shrugs.

His words snap me out of my haze. "God, you're so arrogant." I push at his chest, making him stubble just a step, his shoulders shaking with laughter. I cross my arms, shaking my head at the boy in front of me. It's the second time, I've heard him laugh.

He bounces back to his previous spot, lowering his head a bit to catch my gaze, his eyes dark and beautiful. "Are you obsessed with me yet or should I try harder?"

I roll my eyes, fighting back a small smile, this playful and flirty side of his might be my favorite. It's making me wish we could stay like this forever. So close to each other, so open and relaxed. But sadly the nature of our relationship is nothing like that.

I open my mouth to answer but the shout of my name ripping through the air, makes me freeze.

Hyunjin.

He steps into the balcony, chest rising and falling so hard that he's visibly struggling to breathe. His face is covered with a thin layer of sweat and his hair is messily falling over his face as if he was repeatedly running his hands over them.

"Hyunjin?" My head snaps to him, but it's the look on his face, the panic in his eyes that makes my blood run cold, and my feet to take a step forward.

"We have a problem." He breaths out, hard.

"What is it?" Minhos takes a step forward as well, his body and face shifting completely, hardening, alarmed.

"It's Chan and Felix."

#lee know #lee know x reader #lee know fanfic #lee know smut #lee know stray kids #skz lee know #lee know series #skz #stray kids #stray kids x reader #lee minho #lee minho smut #lee minho fanfic #stray kids smut #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop smut #kpop series #lee minho x reader

[fiveredlights]

there's glitter on the floor after the party: the deleted scenes

i'm sure it'll make someone happy because i think we all need it! just as a note, this is all unedited so some of it might make no sense and that's okay.

(i recommend the google doc for easier reading otherwise the whole thing is under the cut)

Chapter one: 2023

I don’t have anything to show…anything I did cut has already been long deleted. My bad. The first two are very sparse because I was cutting unwanted things as my Google docs was lagging whenever I opened it. The only thing I remember writing that chapter was that it was meant to coincide with Daniel’s return to COTA in real life but I ran out of time so I pushed it back to Las Vegas. 

Chapter two: 2024

CUT: Daniel winning the championship

WHY: Felt too rushed and easy. No emotional pay off, you were only just introduced to Daniel in RBR again. Also don’t ask me what happened to Max for him to not just clean sweep 2023-2027. Also don’t ask who won the championship in 2026. I declare that your favourite driver won it and I definitely did not forget to give a championship. 

DANIEL: Oh my god, it’s just surreal like I don’t know how to describe it. Especially after the past couple years, it’s just—yeah. And to do it with Max too, it’s just something special for me and the team. 

MISCELLANEOUS: 

73 Questions With Daniel Ricciardo | Vogue

3.3M views 2 days ago …more

Vogue 4M

[00:00:00]

DANIEL: Hello Vogue, didn’t see you there. Welcome to my home away from home.

[00:13:33]

PRODUCER: One sentence you could tell your younger self? 

DANIEL: Doors are meant to be opened. 

[00:15:09]

PRODUCER: Worst thing about racing in Formula 1?

DANIEL: Accidents, hands down. It’s horrifying as a driver to watch someone crash, because that’s when everything sort of gets a reality check in the cockpit. Like we are racing around at three-hundred kilometres an hour, and there is a real chance that something could go wrong. I’ll never forget Max’s Silverstone accident, just—yeah it just a horrible thing to witness.

—

emotionalsupportredbull

not daniel fidgeting with his necklace when he talks about max’s silverstone crash… you ain’t slick boy

#yes i have deluded myself into thinking it’s from max #i’m already depressed i don’t want to hear it #join team emotional support redbull delusions

348 notes

frenchpine

qu'est-ce que tu sais, espèce de salope française qui aime l'érable et qui parle bizarrement ? sors avec ça (What do you know you maple-loving weird speaking French bitch? Come out with it)

#je ne veux pas te traiter de salope #ou peut-être que c'est le cas (#i don’t mean to call you a bitch #or maybe i do)

392 notes

(i promise i wrote this before he decided to rear end daniel in china. i pinky promise.)

landando

daniel “doors are meant to be opened” ricciardo

#what is my man on #doors are meant to be opened 😭😭 #he didn’t open a door one time and it’s haunted him for life

78 notes

Chapter three: 2025

CUT: Red Bull marketing video

WHY: Chapter was already very long. Also I couldn’t find any good questions.

Daniel and Max play the F1 newlywed game 💒💍

827K views 10 hours ago #Gives you wings #F1 … more

Oracle Red Bull Racing 1.58M 

INT. RED BULL RACING HOSPITALITY - DAY

[00:00:00]

MAX: Hello everyone and today we are playing the newlywed game. 

DANIEL: Are you excited? 

MAX: I mean I have to say yes otherwise I look like I’m in an unhappy marriage. 

DANIEL: Wow—

MAX:—Also the name doesn’t even make sense. Newlywed? That isn’t us.

DANIEL: [To off screen] Guys, I would get someone to approve your overtime, we’re gonna be here a while. 

[00:02:01]

OFF SCREEN: Who is more likely to overpack for a holiday?

DANIEL: Don’t look at me!

MAX: We have three suitcases. 

DANIEL: It takes effort to look this good. 

MAX: Three suitcases every single race weekend.

DANIEL: What’s the next question? 

CUT: Lucinda’s vaguely threatening email

WHY: Broke the fourth wall. Glitter on the floor is meant to be solely a third POV view and I couldn’t justify it. 

CONFIDENTIAL: PRESS STRATEGY REGARDING MAX VERSTAPPEN AND DANIEL RICCIARDO

From: lucindasalzar@/press.redbull.racing

To: maxverstappen@/redbull.racing, danielricciardo@/redbull.racing

CC: christianhorner@/redbull.racing, teamdaniel@/press.redbull.racing, teammax@/press.redbull.racing

Date: 21 Nov 2025 at 3:04am

Hi all, 

Please see attachment below for finalised details regarding your press strategy and talking points this weekend. Media have been advised to not ask any questions about the ring and we’d like to keep it that way. Remember to keep it vague if you do get asked, and if you don’t feel comfortable a simple no comment will suffice. 

Please email for any further clarification or questions and good luck this weekend. (And please no spur of the moment Las Vegas—Elvis impersonator weddings you two.) 

Best regards, 

Lucinda Salzar (she/her)

Head of Communications, Red Bull Racing. 

E: lucindasalzar@/press.redbull.racing

P: +44 ** **** *****

CUT: The chaotic Abu Dhabi super seat swap

WHY: I had to cut this because I altered the timeline, Las Vegas was going to the second last race. In an earlier version Max and Daniel were gonna come back in 2026 and also drop the Matilda news at the same time but I wanted more content just out of Maxiel so I had to leave this on the cutting board. Some of it made it into the published fic but the original thing was more chaotic. (Also I changed the Red Bull junior driver at least once a week because they kept dropping them. It went from Hauger, to Crawford, to Maloney and then I just gave up because I could not keep up.)

lights-out-away-we-go

red bull needed to replace two drivers and they did in THE MOST CHAOTIC way possible. okay, just listen: 

the official red bull reserve driver is liam lawson (of alpha tauri, so he obviously gets pulled up)

alpha tauri then call on zane maloney to replace liam (alpha tauri’s reserve driver)

BUT, daniel’s car still needs to fulfil the mandatory rookie free practice session (max’s was completed in mexico when maloney drove)

red bull can’t get zane in daniel’s car again cause he’s got to drive liam’s… so they’ve got to find someone who has the super licence points … we’ll come back to this

so right now car 3 is being driven by liam lawson, car 40 is driven by zane maloney. i hear you ask… who is driving car 1? it’s none other than yuki tsunoda (of alphatauri)

I KNOW, but red bull have quite literally run out of contracted reserve drivers and i believe because every driver is technically employed by red bull (whether they drive for RB or AT) they’re able to pull them up or down without the FIA kicking up a fuss

i’ll wait for why red bull pulled up both AT’s 

this means yuki tsunoda’s alpha tauri will be without a driver and once again, red bull call Pepe Marti

#i don’t even know if this is 100% correct i could be so wrong

13,482 notes

—

SKY F1 SPORTS- 2025 ABU DHABI GRAND PRIX - FREE PRACTICE 1

David CROFT: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to our final race of the 2025 season, to our first free practice session under the blistering sun of Abu Dhabi and if this is your first time watching, welcome along cause this will certainly be an interesting race weekend. Now, eagle eyed viewers may have caught that AlphaTauri driver Yuki Tsunoda is in the Red Bull, and his team mate is sitting in the next garage over not in a car. Anthony Davidson is with me—Ant, care to explain to our viewers at home the driver seat swap chaos that’s happening down at Red Bull? 

Anthony DAVIDSON: Hello everyone, wherever in the world you may be watching and yes, chaos is the right word for it isn’t it? I’ve got about five pieces of paper and I’m going to do my best to explain, what I think, is the most complicated driver situation in F1 history. 

CROFT: Yes, for those who didn’t join us last time out or who may be new to F1, I promise driver seat talk usually isn’t this complicated but we’ll do our best to make sense of it all. Now we’ve got to start at the last race for it all to make sense. Red Bull driver Daniel Ricciardo had a nasty crash with Enzo Fittipaldi of Haas that left him with a concussion and bruised ribs, which is why presumably he isn’t racing today, and we wish him well in his recovery. Red Bull’s other driver Max Verstappen was also not able to race this weekend for an unspecified reason, so Red Bull are left with two empty seats.

DAVIDSON: We know that Red Bull’s official reserve driver is Liam Lawson, so that’s no problem there. He’s driving Daniel’s number 3 car, but here’s where the trouble starts. Car number 3 still needs to complete its mandatory FP1 session, which Zane Maloney was planning to do this session. But you’ll notice that Zane is in Liam’s car right now, the Alpha Tauri—and this is because he’s Alpha Tauri’s reserve driver. 

CROFT: Still following everyone? So far, car number 3 is being driven by Liam Lawson, car number 40 is being driven by Zane Maloney. But Liam Lawson isn’t even in car number 3 at the moment, it’s Pepe Marti, who is currently racing in Formula 2 and part of Red Bull’s junior academy. He’s competing the mandatory rookie FP1 session for car number 3.

DAVIDSON: So now we move onto Max Verstappen’s car, which is being driven by the other AlphaTauri driver, Yuki Tsunoda. Which now means AlphaTauri needs a driver to replace him and it’s Red Bull junior driver, Isack Hadjar who is in car number 22. 

CROFT: Right, so it’s Yuki Tsunoda and Liam Lawson in Red Bull for the race, Zane Maloney and Isack Hadjar in the AlphaTauri’s and Pepe Marti in Liam or Daniel’s Red Bull for FP1. Confused? Don’t worry, so are we so bare with us if we accidentally get names and teams wrong because I believe this is possibly the biggest driver change in F1 history.

DAVIDSON: Yes and because I know people will be asking, “Why didn’t Red Bull just put Maloney in Daniel’s car for the whole weekend?” and we have an answer and officially, it’s because of contracts. Whatever behind the scenes isn’t allowing him to drive that Red Bull which is why they called up Yuki instead. Maloney has also said he feels more confident driving the AlphaTauri all weekend rather than the Red Bull, so that also may play a factor in this. 

CROFT: But also this is a perfect opportunity for Red Bull to compare both drivers, should the opportunity for one of them to make the move into Red Bull when the time arises. 

Chapter four: 2026

CUT: Netflix Drive to Survive script

WHY: Once again, I was lazy and didn’t want to write a script. I kinda wish I did though, I think it would’ve given Las Vegas 2025 more substance, especially because you only see it through a fan perspective whereas DTS allows you to get the driver’s perspective, but I do plan to finish this off…. eventually….

Netflix- Drive to Survive

Season 9, Episode 3 “Redemption”

The Las Vegas Grand Prix is back in town but it’s not all good fortunes for those driving. The biggest paddock secret is unveiled.

—

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

We see scrambled eggs on a frying pan. 

OFF SCREEN:  Daniel? Where is my jumper? The blue one? 

The camera zooms out from the eggs to see Daniel, wearing a light blue jumper, grimacing at the camera. 

DANIEL: (Under his breath) To be fair it was my jumper first.

The camera swings to Max in the doorway, arms crossed as he narrows his eyes at Daniel. 

MAX: I heard that. 

(In the garage, during the crash.)

RED BULL TEAM MEMBER #1: Has anyone told Max? 

RED BULL TEAM MEMBER #2: We’re not telling him.

RED BULL TEAM MEMBER #3: Seriously? 

RED BULL TEAM MEMBER #1: He thinks his husband is dead, we’re telling him!

INT. HOTEL ROOM

PRODUCER: Do you have some fears about allowing the world to know about your relationship? 

DANIEL: God, of course I have. We both have. But we spent so long being—not scared, but worried let’s say about the consequences of us just being together. But then Las Vegas happened and all I wanted was Max to sit by my bedside and make a stupid joke about me being in hospital again. And it was when Christian literally had to fight multiple people to get Max into that hospital I realised that what we were doing was unsustainable. 

PRODUCER: Unsustainable? 

DANIEL: Are you married? 

PRODUCER: Yes? 

DANIEL: Have you ever watched your partner crash into something at three hundred kilometres an hour and no one telling you if they were even alive? Because I’ve done that. We’ve done that. Multiple times. 

Montage of different Max & Daniel accidents. 

DANIEL: And then you have to go on with your day, going to debrief, doing press but all you really want to do is go to them and make sure that they’re even alive? 

PRODUCER: …

DANIEL: So yeah. Unsustainable. 

—

333 update account @/official333

📺 | Drive to Survive (Netflix) 

Daniel talking about his relationship with Max on and off the track: 

Q: Do you think it’s been challenging to balance out the relationship given your unique relationship with Max? 

Daniel: No, and I think people over dramatise the complexity of it all. I mean sure, it has been somewhat difficult, especially at the beginning but in the end it is just racing, you know? We’re both aware that we are something different from the other drivers, but I like that. Not many people get to do what they love with their partner right next to them, so I definitely take every race we do together for granted. 

476 replies 88 reposts 8,372 likes

CUT: Alternate ‘M’ reveal

WHY: I genuinely spent like half an hour thinking if fictional Max and Daniel would show Matilda, I had earlier drafts where they hide her face until I was like okay, this is fictional. Bad things do not exist in this universe, so it’s fine. Plus, Matilda is so cute I can’t hide her.

[Video: Daniel, standing in front of a door. 

DANIEL: I know a lot of you guys might have noticed that I’ve been dropping clues towards who this mysterious M is and it’s finally time to reveal who it is. 

He opens the door and pans the camera to Max. 

DANIEL: M stands for Max. Sorry to break the news, it’s not that exciting. Wait, who’s that? 

The camera pans further down to show Max holding a baby, she’s sleeping soundly in Max’s arm.

Photo: A baby. She’s wearing a light blue onesie, and her hand is wrapped around a mini honey badger soft toy.]

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danielricciardo Everybody meet Matilda. Matilda, this is everybody. 

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georgerussell63 They learnt what hard launching is and said we’re going to do it for everything… Congrats 🙌 

landonorris be prepared for the onslaught of driver themed onesies coming your way… 

1 March

CUT: The half-completed TIME article about Daniel

WHY: I did not have it in me to write another 1000 word article. I spent around a week just writing Daniel’s The Players’ Tribune article. But what I did write, I did like. Was also around the time TIME named Taylor Swift as their person of the year, so that’s where I got that inspiration. 

How 2025 was the year of the Honey Badger—Daniel Ricciardo on winning his first Formula 1 Championship during a historic year.

by Tylda Rune-Liberi for TIME

February 15, 2026 9:33AM EST

It’s 2017 and F1 driver Daniel Ricciardo was asked in a press conference what race he would like the new owners of F1 to host. His answer? Las Vegas. In 2023, five years on, his wish was granted. Two years later, in 2025, the race he had proclaimed as a dream race would turn into stuff of nightmares. 

Leading the race and looking like he would take a first win at Las Vegas after a podium in 2023, it looked like everything was going Ricciardo’s way until a bizarre accident with Kick Stake Sauber’s Theo Pourchaire causes a major accident, leaving Ricciardo wedged in the cockpit for over half an hour. 

Pourchaire had given way to Ricciardo as he was being lapped, before attempting to unlap himself, choosing the wrong moment as Ricciardo was heading into the pitlane. Radios released after the accident have Pourchaire admit he “didn’t think he was going into the pit lane.”

It’s a horrifying crash to watch—even with the knowledge that both drivers would be okay, and it would soon be clear that no one felt it more in the pitlane than Ricciardo’s own teammate: Max Verstappen. 

Formula 1 drivers all drive with the knowledge that a crash could happen at any given moment, but this accident was different. 

[Photo: Daniel, in a dark navy denim blue overshirt and jeans.]

Ricciardo and Verstappen have had a long and varied partnership throughout their career, first starting in 2016 where Verstappen was brought up mid season from then-Red Bull junior team Toro Rosso (now Visa Cash App RB), winning his debut race with the team, where it looked like the win would go to Ricciardo instead. They would go on to be teammates for another two seasons, before Ricciardo announced a shocking move to Renault (now Alpine). 

One thing that stood out about their initial partnership was how their off track friendship never seemed to waver, even in their most turbulent of times (see Hungary 2017 or Azerbaijan 2018). In an era where friendships between teammates seemed to famously end in failure, in the likes of fan dubbed ‘Brocedes’ (Nico Rosberg & Lewis Hamilton; best friends growing up who’s friendship ended in rivalry fighting for a championship) or former Red Bull teammates Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber (Multi-21 Seb?), it was an outlier that the two remained such good friends, even after Ricciardo had departed Red Bull. 

Even Ricciardo mentions that Lewis Hamilton had gone up to him to ask how Verstappen and Ricciardo had managed to keep their friendship going even though they had tussles on track. “I don’t really know,” Ricciardo says. “I mean it’s definitely all in hindsight now, but I think it was because we—or at least I—knew that our friendship was really important. Like it was no matter what happens I don’t go and screw up this friendship I have with Max.”

Ricciardo would go through a bumpy time in his post-Red Bull career, going through two seasons at Renault, two seasons at McLaren before a 6 month break where he was named ‘Third Driver’ for Red Bull, a 6 month stint in Red Bull sister team AlphaTauri (formerly Toro Rosso, now Visa Cash App RB) which was marked with Ricciardo missing 5 races due to a hand injury during a free practice session in Zandvoort before returning back to the very seat he left six years earlier, Red Bull announcing Ricciardo’s return at the 2023 Las Vegas race. 

A move that was then deemed as a surprise move by many pundits, all was put to rest when Riccardo finessed his AlphaTauri in the podium position, grabbing the team 3rd place and their first podium since Pierre Gasly in 2021. 

Something was different about this second stint, and it wasn’t the journeys they’ve both gone on since they both parted ways. There was something different about them together. 

[Photo: Max and Daniel laughing in the Red Bull garage.]

Nine years on since their first race together, it was oddly reminiscent of their first. Verstappen crossed the line to win a race his teammate had been poised to do so. Only this time, the celebrations were much different. 

With Ricciardo in hospital, Verstappen quickly left the race track after a tuned down podium ceremony, skipping out on mandatory post-race media duties, where competitors and team can attract fines for doing so. (The FIA opted not to fine Verstappen and Red Bull in this instance.) 

Even during the red flag it was clearly Verstappen was antsy, with his radio calls after finding out his teammate was in an accident conveying his state of worry. Leaked video from inside the Red Bull garage has Verstappen mention not finishing the race, wanting to be by Ricciardo’s side instead. 

///

“I remember I posted the post and people were like ‘Oh, maybe he meant it in a friendly way’ and I was like f***, I’ve got to actually spell it out for them.” Hence, the iconic post that broke the F1 world was born. 

[Daniel’s tweet.] 

It’s 2020, and the Australian Grand Prix has just been cancelled due to COVID. 

All the drivers and teams are left scrambling to try and leave the country before the borders close, and Daniel Ricciardo has just invited Max Verstappen to stay over at his house in Perth. 

“I don’t think I can even call it a friendly gesture, because as much as I like the other guys on the grid, there’s no way I would’ve invited them over.”

///

“Yeah, I won a championship. But I’m still the same person.”

Ricciardo’s often been somewhat of an open book, he says—whether it was for the better or for the worse. Every aspect of his life has been so highly publicised, from winning races to what it looks like when he’s not, it’s remarkable how he still holds nearly the same candour, even if his name and career has seemingly been dragged through the mud a thousand times over by the media. 

Last year he publicly came out in a F1-related podcast, to what he says was very unplanned. “I didn’t plan to come out, let’s say, it just kind of happened. 

“I didn’t even plan to come out, let's say, it just kind of happened? I was recording a podcast and I was talking about 2022 and how it unfolded, the support systems around me and I said “my partner”, and a part of me went Oh, shit! I hadn’t talked about my relationships at length before that, and I knew people were going to absolutely run with it and then I was like—well, might as well just go the whole nine yards, so then the second reference to my partner I very deliberately dropped in he. And that was it.”

“I remember so vividly, I went home that night and I told Max, oh I think I did something stupid and his mind immediately went to me accidentally leaking like team secrets or something big like that, and I was like no, I may have accidentally came out and within like three seconds you could see is brain just switch. 

“There is no we found the elephant in the room or whatever. The elephant has always been in the room and it’s just decided to make its presence known.”

“Look, I definitely understand some of the criticism that some people may have with F1 or Red Bull or us capitalising on our relationship or whatever, but I think now more than ever there’s a need to perhaps know who the drivers are when they aren’t driving.” Ricciardo adds. 

“Because it’s all fine and good if John Smith is winning races and driving amazingly, but if you know next to nothing about the person because it seems like they’re packed up and shipped race to race, you’re not going to root for the guy because they’ve made no connection.”

Ricciardo quickly clarifies that it’s not a negative for sports people or celebrities to maintain their personal lives, but he sees it more as a way to express or show what he wants to show in his own lives. “We spent nearly five years it near complete secrecy from the outside world and whilst I’m not saying that we should’ve just been public right from the start—we probably wouldn’t have survived—I was just wanting to post a photo of Max burning dinner or something and not have gossip magazines or Instagram accounts dissect every pixel of it.”

Did Ricciardo get pushback from the FIA or his team? It’s a difficult question to answer, he tells me. NDAs and whatnot. He says, “The team was wonderful about it, though. Had multiple team members come up to us willingly to fight the higher powers if needed which was very sweet.”

“Let’s just say there were conversations that I had been made aware of that had made me feel like we weren’t even allowed to look at each other when we were in the paddock. I felt like they were asking me to only refer to him as my teammate, stuff along those lines.”

///

“One of our friends told us at our wedding something along the lines of for F1 drivers, you did move pretty fucking slow in your relationship! And Max was like yeah, did you know who we were in 2018?” Ricciardo laughs loudly, scaring one of the cats who seemed ready to take a nap. 

///

“I used to rely so much on what other people thought of me, it wasn’t enough that I thought I was the best guy out there, you also had to think I was the best guy out there.”

///

Racing has always been part of Ricciardo’s life, but he doesn’t want it to be the only thing now in his life. He wants you to ask about things not related to racing, like how much he loves his family or how he thinks the Buffalo Bills are the greatest NFL team on earth. 

“I’m not going to do this forever, you know?” He says, finishing the can of Red Bull he’d been slowly sipping throughout the course of this piece. “I hope when I look back at these years of my life I’m going to be equally proud of what I did in the car and what I did outside of it.” — With reporting done by Tylda Rune-Liberi and Nicolas St. Revelate. 

CUT: Max and the team getting called up to the FIA

WHY: The FIA seems like an organisation who might send me a cease and desist if I wrote them as quietly homophobic. I don’t have money for a lawsuit. Also wanted to keep the universe happy because the real one is not. Still think my Mad Mex reference is funny.

Autosport @/autosport

Breaking: Max Verstappen summoned to the stewards after allegedly breaking parc ferme rules. 

12 replies 90 reposts 821 likes

—

F1 - 2026 AUSTRALIAN GRAND PRIX - POST RACE PRESS CONFERENCE - TRANSCRIPT

23.3.26

Q: Sorry, Daniel just coming back to you now. We’ve just received word that Max Verstappen has just been summoned to the stewards for breaking parc fermé conditions, any reaction on that? 

Daniel RICCIARDO: For what? 

Q: Uh, we think it might be related to post race procedures around weighing. Not entirely sure yet, his meeting is at 6:15pm.

DR: Well there goes our dinner plans. To be fair our dinner plans were literally just Mad Mex in our hotel rooms before flying to Perth, but still. 

Jack DOOHAN: Mad what? 

DR: Mad Mex? You know, the Mexican fast food place. Surely you’ve had it. 

JD: Oh, I thought you said Mad Max and I was like, “He finished P4 that doesn’t seem too bad.”

DR: Did Max not do the weigh in or what? 

Q: He did, after your podium. Sorry mate, even more bad news for the team, they’ve been summoned to the stewards as well.

DR: If I find out I’m going to lose another podium about ten years on after the race here I’m gonna be pissed.

Q: This one is related to Article 26.13 b, where “Unless authorised by the FIA, no one under the age of 16 is permitted in the pit lane at the following times: b) The period commencing fifteen (15) minutes before the pit exit is opened to allow cars to cover reconnaissance laps and the time when the last car enters the parc fermé after the sprint session or the race has ended.”

DR: What cause we had our daughter with us at the podium celebration? 

Q: Quite possibly, yeah. 

DR: That’s interesting. I—yeah, I’m just gonna say that’s interesting.

Oscar PIASTRI: Kevin had his kids with him in Monza twenty four, didn’t he? 

DR: Yeah, I’m sure the team will have a lot to say so we’ll just leave it at that. 

CUT: Reaction to Australia winning

WHY: Timeline changes. Original timeline was Australia 2026 being their first race back after Las Vegas and relationship/kid reveal. I apparently also cut the all Australian podium. Can't remember why.

[Photo 1: 

Photo 2: 

Photo 3: 

Photo 4: Lucinda holding the constructor trophy on the podium, Daniel giving a big grin next to her.]

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danielricciardo Never thought I’d be able to share a podium with two other Aussies but what better time than at our home race. @/jackdoohan @/oscarpiastri @/redbullracing 🇦🇺❤️

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ausgp Surely this gets us a public holiday?! @/auspm 

oscarpiastri We’re about to get even more annoying… 

—

Oracle Red Bull Racing @/redbullracing 

Don’t mind us, we’re just in a puddle of tears over how cute @/Max33Verstappen and @/danielricciardo are 😍😭🫶

[Video: Taken from behind the parc ferme barriers, Daniel holding Matilda as Max hugs him, one hand around his waist and the other around the back of his neck.]

—

jeanie 🤠 @/COTADANIEL

flabbergasted about how well max and daniel hid their relationship from the world because man that he looks at daniel like he hung the moon stars and the sun and we’ve just been blind to notice

jake @/381racers

Maxiel admin logged on today thank you universe 🙏

—

DANIEL: Yeah, I just didn’t think I was able to have this, you know? If you had told me like seven years ago that hey, “You’ll be winning again and Max and your kid will be right along with you”, I would’ve laughed in your face. There is still absolutely more work to do, but I’m just glad I get to have my little moment without like some of these outside factors screaming and kicking at us. 

CUT: Jake @/381racers meeting Daniel

WHY: Felt too indulgent. Loved it, but I think the idea pushed the boundaries/fourth wall maybe A Little too much, even for my low standards.

jake @/381racers

Only felt right that I get this signed 

[Photo: Jake’s infamous tweet “Max Verstappen can you fight?” printed out and framed. Max has signed it and wrote “Yes he can.”]

—

jake @/381racers

First photo really Daniel did you have to shame me further . I thought we had a promise. Anyways, here's the video of me meeting them.

[Video: Jake meeting Daniel, in Red Bull hospitality. They’re both sitting down in chairs, and Jake has his hands on top of a frame placed face down on the table. 

JAKE: Do you remember like two years ago in COTA you wore a leather jacket outfit and basically the internet blew up because of how good you looked? 

DANIEL: Yeah, with the cowboy hat and everything! 

JAKE: And there was a tweet that trended on that weekend—

Daniel sits up in his chair, eyes widening in realisation of who Jake is. 

DANIEL: Oh my god you’re “Max Verstappen can you fight?” guy?!

JAKE: Embarrassingly, yes. 

DANIEL: (offscreen) How did you find him?! 

OFFSCREEN: Remember when I said I was going to bring my boyfriend this race? 

Daniel looks back and forth behind the person offscreen and Jake multiple times before bending over and laughing hysterically. 

OFFSCREEN: Yeah, I’m not happy about it either. 

DANIEL: Oh my god did I like cause you two to meet? 

jake @/381racers

No I too am not happy about my internet history coming back to bite me 

CUT: Interview with Lawrence Baretto

WHY: I ran out of time. I had planned to post this at the end of Jan, but since I didn’t post that NYD bonus fic, I didn’t wanna go a month without an update so this got culled. Also my vague illusions to Max’s dad felt a little weird.

Exclusive: Daniel Ricciardo on retirement, 15 years of F1 and family with Lawerence Barretto

When I ask about his daughter and if they have any interest in making her follow in her parents footsteps, he shuts down my line of questioning pretty quickly. 

“No,” he immediately says. “I’m not going to write out a path for her to follow, or put expectations for her to go into karting because of a family legacy. I think Max knows it a little bit more than me, how the expectations of someone who’s meant to take care of you can tarnish the thing you love.” 

Jos Verstappen, Max’s father and former F1 driver hasn’t been seen in the paddock since 2023. Both declined to comment when asked. 

“If she wants to start karting, then we’ll probably have a very long conversation about how it’s important that she finds it fun and if she doesn’t then she doesn’t. It’s not important to me that she wins or whatever, I just want her to enjoy it.”

Chapter five: 2027

CUT: Drive to Survive script

WHY: I did not have the energy to write a full script, and I felt like there were too many events to write about and I could not do it justice. Also I would like idk if Max and Daniel would show Matilda on DTS which is crazy because Matilda is not real…

—

Drive to Survive

Season 10 Episode 10 “One final rodeo…”

After fifteen years in the sport, Formula 1 says goodbye to Daniel Ricciardo. 

[00:20:26]

INT. HOTEL ROOM INTERVIEW

PRODUCER:  We don’t have to talk about Las Vegas. 

DANIEL:  No, it's fine. Probably should. Uh—yeah. 

PRODUCER:  We can take a minute. 

DANIEL:  Yeah, thanks. I didn’t talk about it last year did I? 

PRODUCER:  No. Okay, we’ll cut. 

CUT TO BLACK. 

Sound of car crashing into wall, before it fades in to show the Red Bull in the pitlane wall. Cuts to people reacting—Red Bull employees, fans in the grandstands and then a birds eye aerial view of the crash, showing the medical and extraction crew. 

PIERRE HAMLIN (V.O): Daniel, are you okay? 

Cuts to Max’s T-CAM footage, him driving past the car. 

MAX (V.O): What the fuck happened? 

PIERRE: Daniel, please just press the radio button so we know you’re okay. 

Cuts to Daniel’s T-CAM footage, his helmet leans against the left side of the halo, indicating he’s unmoving. 

PIERRE: Daniel, can you hear me? 

Cuts to showing the Red Bull pitwall, everyone looking at each other worried. 

DANIEL (V.O): The first thought I had was: Shit. This is really bad timing. Second thought I had was: Max is going to kill me.

Cuts to Daniel's forward facing cockpit onboard, him moving his head and looking up and down the cockpit.

PIERRE: Daniel?

DANIEL: Yep. Fuck. My chest, fuck. Shit, is um the other driver okay?

PIERRE: Yes, he's okay but don't worry about him. Do you think you can get out of the car?

DANIEL: Yeah no, I don't think that's happening with breaking something. Fuck, my ribs. Oh god. I think something's broken.

PIERRE: Okay Daniel, the medical team are nearly there but do not move if you think it will cause more damage. The car is safe, so do not worry about anything else.

DANIEL: Yep, okay. Um, will someone tell Max I'm okay? Just, don't freak him out yeah?

PIERRE: Copy Daniel, it will be okay, it will be okay. Just keep radio on please.

DANIEL: Okay. Fuck, this sucks.

INT. STUDIO

TEXT: Max Verstappen, Red Bull Racing driver

MAX VERSTAPPEN: Been a while. 

PRODUCER: Didn’t think you were going to agree. 

MAX VERSTAPPEN: Would be a big thing if you made it look like we hated each other again! 

PRODUCER: We asked Daniel what his first thought was when he had that accident. He said “This is really bad timing” and that you were going to kill him. Why? 

MAX: Well, because of Matilda.

EXT. PORT HERCULES, MONACO— MORNING

 Long shot of Port Hercules, Monaco, filmed from a balcony. It’s peaceful, quiet—the city sounds filling the background before we hear a baby scream in joy. 

DANIEL: Matilda! 

Matilda is on the floor in the living room, on a playmat and she plays with wooden blocks. Max is next to her on the ground, with his back leant against the couch, Daniel is on the couch. 

DANIEL (V.O): Yeah, she’s one of the best things to happen to me. For a long time my whole life was just racing, but now she’s my whole life. Like it’s okay if I have a bad race or whatever, I’ve got to move on quickly because she’s there at home waiting.  

MAX: Having a kid does change you, I think. Daniel will not say his driving has changed, but it has. 

PRODUCER: In what way? 

MAX: I think now he is more focused on winning every race, not that he wasn’t before. But because maybe he knows that every race matters more now. You hope that the others around you will not be too reckless so that you can go home after the race. 

EXT. CIRCUIT OF THE AMERICAS — MIDDAY

TEXT ON SCREEN: 2025 UNITED STATES GRAND PRIX

RED BULL EMPLOYEE #1: Hey, welcome back Danny! 

DANIEL: Thank you, thank you. Hope you didn’t miss my handsome face too much. 

RED BULL EMPLOYEE #1: I didn’t know Jake went on holiday! 

DANIEL: I’m gonna crash the car just for that.

RED BULL EMPLOYEE #2: No, we’re just kidding. So how’s the baby? 

DANIEL: She’s great, do you wanna see a photo? 

RED BULL EMPLOYEE #1: Oh, she’s adorable. Matilda was her name? 

DANIEL: Yeah, yeah. We had a list but I think Matilda was the only one that stood out to us. She just looks like a Matilda you know? 

///

The camera swings to the right, as Daniel’s head sticks out from the door. 

DANIEL RICCIARDO: You aren’t talking shit about me, Maxy? 

MAX VERSTAPPEN: Of course I am. 

///

MAX: I have raced with Daniel in every single year of F1. I think it will be weird.

DANIEL RICCIARDO I think I was a pretty good darn car mechanic. 

CUT: Max’s interview with GQ

WHY: If you haven’t learnt by now, I am very lazy. Honestly, I just wanted this chapter out and I knew I didn’t have the time to write a whole article. Also I don’t think Max would be this open about this relationship but maybe Daniel made him more open in this universe. I still stand by the first sentence, it is possibly the truest thing to come out of the fic.

You can’t talk about Max Verstappen without eventually talking about Daniel Ricciardo, and you can’t talk about Daniel Ricciardo without eventually talking about Max Verstappen. This was a true statement in the earlier part of Verstappen’s career, but now perhaps even more so. “He’s made me a much better person,” Verstappen comments when I ask him about his husband. “I maybe wasn’t the best person to be teammates with when I was first in Formula 1, but he stayed friends with me. Even after he left and I was not being nice to him, he still stayed. That was very important to me.”

There’s a certain aura of happiness that comes from Verstappen when he starts talking about Ricciardo, and he says it’s probably one of the most documented love stories of F1. 

It started in the early morning after the final race of the 2018 season, and a drunk voicemail to Ricciardo kicked things off. “I was still mad that he was going, and I had too many gin and tonics and I called him at like 12 am or something. Obviously he didn’t answer because he was sleeping but I said really embarrassing stuff in that voicemail.” He left one more a couple hours later, asking Ricciardo not to mention it. 

“He really took that to heart.” Verstappen laughs. “I don’t really know why, we would talk when we saw each other on race weekends and pretend that everything was fine between us.” 

They were seemingly friends only when it was the race weekend, but off track they had never been further apart. There was a lot of resentment and unsaid conversation from Verstappen’s side, self proclaiming that his stubbornness had put a pin in their relationship. “It’s easy to say now looking back, but I thought Daniel leaving Red Bull was also leaving me. And I didn’t take it well.”

But a little bit of push and shove from his fellow friends made him realise that having Ricciardo in his life was more important than whatever feelings he had towards him leaving. 

///

Verstappen proposed two years later in December 2022 at that same house. “Coordinates of the house and everything on the ring,” Ricciardo comments when he drops in to grab something from the office. “Cried like a baby when I realised.”

Deleted Epilogue:

WHY: I still can’t decide if Matilda would go down the F1 path. If she did, she is definitely a Ferrari driver. Just to mess with her dads. I think she would sign with Red Bull in the junior seasons, maybe do two seasons with Red Bull then switch to Ferrari. A Sebastian Vettel if you will…let’s hope it turns out better for her than him. 

[Photo 1: A Ferrari car crossing the chequered flag.

Photo 2: Matilda on the third step of the podium, holding the trophy in the air, the Australian flag wrapped around her shoulders.]

Photo 3: Matilda hugging her parents in parc ferme.]

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mvr one home race down 🇦🇺, one more to go 🇳🇱 😉

View all 6,384 comments

scuderiaferrari 👏🎉

23 March

—

SKY SPORTS: 2048 AUSTRALIAN GRAND PRIX

David CROFT: And Matilda Verstappen-Ricciardo absolutely sends it down the inside and makes it stick, and what a move! Gosh, I was not expecting her to pull it off but she absolutely does and gets a roar of a cheer from the home crowd, Verstappen-Ricciardo is currently in P3. 

Jenson BUTTON: I mean, we should not be surprised. Daughter of Max Verstappen, a six time World Champion and Daniel Ricciardo, another World Champion. A lot of racing talent in that family, I thought the last of the late breakers was Daniel but she has really put a new meaning on late!

DC: And speaking of there is Max and Daniel Verstappen-Ricciardo, who I imagine are probably the most nervous parents in the paddock right now! A lovely nod and clap of encouragement as we watch the reaction of Matilda’s overtake for P3. 

—

matilda verstappen-ricciardo @/MVR 

if you’re wondering if it’s embarrassing to have your parents show up at work to congratulate you just wait till one of them interviews you in front of the tv…. thanks dad i’ve never felt so uncool before

138 replies 98 reposts 20,482 likes

—

POST RACE: PARC FERME INTERVIEW

Daniel RICCIARDO: Matilda! 

Matilda VERSTAPPEN-RICCIARDO: Oh my god, please be cool about this. 

DR: Just wait till I convince F1 to let me and Max double host it. 

MVR: This is actually my worst nightmare. Like maybe three other people will understand what I’m feeling right now. 

DR: 

///

MVR: I mean I’m not worried about a legacy, if people think I’m here to start or continue a legacy then they can think that, but I’m here to race. Not carry on whatever my parents did. 

#maxiel #glitter on the floor #candle wax and polaroids verse

[cupcakeslushie]

In the show Donnie has been canonically confirmed to be autistic I believe and Mikey with ADHD. Did those prove to affect how they were treated or raised in any way? And aside from flopping on people does Donnie still have a bit of a aversion to touch and people who are exceptions? Or does he ignore any uncomfortable feeling he has about anything because he's been through worse and if so how do the turtles help him unlearn these negitive things?

Did Mikey's ADHD ever get him in trouble with big momma and in the battle nexus? I would ask more but I don't want to overload-

Donnie is still autistic, and Draxum did try to “train out” the behavior he didn’t consider warrior-like (God he’s such an asshole in this—and I LIKE canon Draxum 🤣 but I really am making him worse than Shredder at this point). He waited to start the really heavy experiments until Three was older, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t punish him harshly when he “acted foolish”. Draxum would grab and pull Three all the time, either by the arm or he’d use his vines to restrain him where he wanted him. So most of Donnie’s touch aversion here comes from being reminded of that. I am personally of the opinion that Donnie isn’t as so much touch averse in canon—He’s seen constantly touching his family and April and though sometimes he may have a slight grimmace, you can see that he eases into the hug and even initiates a lot of them. I think his hangups are more texture based and that he doesn’t like being caught off guard, which are still present here, and unfortunately, Draxum uses against him in ways we’ll find out. But Donnie does appreciate that his brothers and Splinter give him the option of saying no. It gives him a sense of control over the situation and he finds accepting and initiating contact easy and comforting more often than not, unless it’s a real bad day.

Big Mama was very doting on Mikey, and spoiled him rotten. She got him the best tutors for his education, but Mikey drove almost all of them into quitting except for his martial arts, and art tutors. As a result Mikey has more of a classical art style, and Big Mama puts his paintings all over the lobby of her hotel. But Big Mama is fickle, and after so many years she grows bored enough with him, and sees how strong he’s gotten, that she can’t pass up the opportunity of dropping him into the Nexus. She still gives him treats for his wins, but it’s framed more like prizes to her champion than gifts for her child. Still, Mikey sees them as gifts for doing well, and imagines one day when he wins enough fights, she’ll let him out.

It isn’t until after he’s rescued that he reads up on art therapy, and tries to get back into art. Sadly he finds he doesn’t have the taste for it anymore which devastates him and causes a bout of intense depression…until April suggests that he try a whole new style, something his tutor never covered, and takes him on a tour of the city to see all the coolest street art. In days he’s got most of the lair covered in graffiti.

Mikey does have ADHD, in fact most of his scars come from times where he got distracted in the ring. At night in the barracks he tries to pull from happy memories and beneath the good times spent with Big Mama there’s something else he can’t quite grab hold of, but it comforts him enough for him to keep fighting. On the other hand, Leo remembers almost nothing from Shredder warping his memories so much.

Lastly, Shredder was a harsh taskmaster, very manipulative and told Leo lie after lie to get him to hate Splinter. Leo trained from before sunrise to after sunset, and didn’t talk to many people outside of Shredder’s inner circle of commanders. He was taught a wide range of studies, including war strategy, weaponry, and languages. Shredder was never really…cruel, without reason like Draxum, but if he ever felt Leo was lacking in training or not following his commands to the letter, he would show no mercy. Leo is treated with a lot of respect from most of the foot recruits. Of course some of the older commanders (🤐) aren’t too happy when a literal child is given such a high position of power, but they would never argue with the Shredder.

If you have any more questions please check out the Separated AU tag and my pinned post! I might’ve already answered it!

@lockoutkey @nyxthedragon225, @froggiethelesbian

#separated au #ask slushie #rottmnt separated au #that’s pretty much all I’ll say at the moment on their childhoods as i have plans to expand on them further #hopefully that’s enough to tide everyone over until i can get pages out

[sugoi-and-spice]

Chapter Three - Careful What You Wish For

Pairing: Bully!Dabi x Fem!Reader, (3rd Person)

Summary: If a boy is picking on you, it means he likes you. She could almost laugh. By that logic, Dabi must’ve been fucking in love with her. That thought was what finally made the tears start to spill. Not because of how ridiculous it was or how isolating it felt.

But because it was exactly what she wanted.

CW: Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Dubious Consent, Unhealthy Relationships, Bullying, Manipulation, Humiliation, Childhood Friends, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Power Play, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Drugs, Alcohol, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Attempted Sexual Assault, Rough Sex, Hate Sex, Smut, Porn With Plot, Explicit Sexual Content, Angst and Porn, Sadism, Loss of Virginity, Unreliable Narrator, Suicidal Thoughts, Dirty Talk, Name-Calling, Depression

A/N: An extra little content warning, there are instances of displaced anger and resentment, as well as suicidal ideation in this chapter. I feel this is a good time to remind readers that both Dabi and the MC in this story are unreliable narrators - they think things that are objectively untrue due to their traumas.

Remember, it is never a child's responsibility to save another child from abuse. And living a purposefully destructive life is a form of suicide.

Read Full Chapter on AO3

[excerpt]

When she was eight years old, she fell out of a tree in front of Touya’s house and hit her head on the concrete. 

Despite the many warnings from her parents, she and Touya played in that tree all the time. What was she supposed to do? It was way too big and twisty to pass up, a tree almost custom-built for climbing. She hadn’t even gotten the highest that she’d ever climbed that day, and Touya was several branches up ahead of her, teasing and goading her to follow him, catch him— faster, faster!

One moment she was climbing — her foot catching on a strangely pliable-feeling branch — the next, Touya was holding her in his arms, sprinting to her house as he cried for her mother. She didn’t even remember the fall really, she was pretty sure she had blacked out. But she remembered the pain and fear after, the tears already gushing down her cheeks when she came to, not to mention Touya’s own as he held his hand tight to her gushing forehead.

She’d made it out of the ordeal with a skull fracture and some stitches, not to mention a good old-fashioned concussion, but overall okay. When she returned home from the hospital, however, she was distressed to see that the tree was gone and that Touya had a black eye. He’d told her that it was because he fell too. And she believed him.

At the very least, she could honestly say that her head right now didn’t hurt as bad as it did that day.

But it was pretty damn close.

She lifted to her elbows with a groan, trying to rub some of the blur from her eyes. Things did get clearer as she blinked away the last of her sleep, but it wasn’t quite right yet. Blue. Everything was blue. And unfamiliar.

It looked like she was in a hotel room, a small one. It was more like a ship cabin, just large enough to fit a narrow walkway around the king-sized bed to one of two doors, and to open the drawers of the dresser doubling as an entertainment center with its surprisingly large flat-screen. The one currently turned on to some late-night variety show.

“Look who decided to wake up.”

She snapped towards the voice, where Dabi sat up against the pillows next to her in just his white undershirt and boxers. He didn’t even look at her, seemingly more interested in whether or not the idol on screen could guess what was in the box she was currently sticking her hand into, than anything to do with her .  

“Where—?” she started to sit up, glancing down as she felt the bed sheet fall down into her lap, then froze.

She was wearing nothing but her thin little white bra and (luckily, upon quick further inspection) panties.

“Oh my God!” she yelped as soon as she realized, yanking the covers up to her nose, “D-D-D-Did we…?” She couldn’t even finish the thought.

Dabi scoffed, “Hell no.”

“But… W-We’re not wearing any clothes.”

“That’s because you threw up all over them.”

And here she’d thought it was impossible for her to get any more embarrassed.

“I-I did…?”

“You’re lucky this place has laundry services.”

“Oh God,” she groaned.

A rush of nausea ripped up her throat before she could get any other question or apology out, brought on seemingly by the bloodrush of sitting up fully, and made even worse by the dry, rancid taste she was suddenly feeling on her tongue.

Dabi sighed, grabbing one of three water bottles off of the shelf behind him and tossing it into her lap.

“Drink.”

“I—” she gagged again at the thought, “I don’t think I can.”

“That wasn’t a request.”

He didn’t need to tell her twice with that tone. She quickly tore off the cap and started to down the water like no tomorrow. Dabi watched the frantic bobbing of her throat, sighing as a not small amount of water spilled down her chin and chest in a frustratingly not unattractive way. 

“Yeah alright, enough. You drink the whole thing that fast and you really will be sick,” he tapped her arm with the back of his hand before pulling a little Altoid tin from the shelf behind him and popping it open, “Take three of these.”

She eyed the tin of pills nervously then looked back up to Dabi.

“W-What are they?”

“Vicodin,” he said, completely stone-faced, “That’ll knock that hangover right out of your system.”

Her eyes widened commedically, “N-No, I don’t think I—!”

“It’s Tylenol you dipshit.”

She was relieved, of course. Although, not completely.

“...I read that you’re not supposed to mix Tylenol and alcohol.”

He groaned, loud and obviously annoyed. What the hell was he even doing here at this point? He’d met the requirements to not be a shitty person when he’d brought her to the hotel in the first place, he should’ve just fucking turned around as soon as she’d dropped onto the bed. She had a roof over her head and a door with an automatic lock, his duty was done. So why the fuck was she actively trying to make him regret sticking around even more than he already did?

“Do what you want, girl scout. I literally couldn’t care less,” he barked, snapping the tin closed and moving to climb off the bed.

“W-Wait,” she breathed, after a particularly rough throbbing knocked her brain, “I’m sorry, can I… Please?”

Luckily, he didn’t give her any extra flack for her indecision, just tipping a few pills into her hand.

“Small sip, alright? I mean it,” he said, “I’m not gonna clean up your puke twice tonight.”

She nodded sheepishly, popping the Tylenol into her mouth — all three at once.

“What time is it?” she exhaled after her last sip, not really worrying too much about the answer yet.

But that’d change on a dime.

“Three A.M.”

“W-What?!” she shrieked, throwing the covers off her, “Oh my god, oh my god, I gotta get home!”

As soon as her feet touched the carpet, a giant wave of dizziness crashed over her, causing her to lose her balance and fall back onto the bed.

Dabi just rolled his eyes at the sight. 

“Fucking relax,” he spat, “You’re in deep shit anyway, right? What’s an hour later? Might as well wait until the trains are running again at least.”

She couldn’t exactly argue with that logic, although it did very little to ease her anxiety. That seemed to matter even less to Dabi, she noticed, as she hazarded a look back at him. He just returned to flipping through channels, tired of this particular game show and fruitlessly searching to find something at least slightly more engaging.

He was being just as aloof and uncaring as usual, not giving her even the slightest time of day outside of taunting and demeaning her. 

But still, the fact of the matter remained…

“...you stayed with me.”

Continue on AO3

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