#This is funny because I still live with my familly

[midnightsnakesstuff]

Regret

Aonung x Navi!reader

Warrings: sad,death, Aonung using Y/N for s*x. If your not comfy with reading this please do not read.

summary: Y/N always liked Aonung knowing he didn't like her back for being a freak not knowing they would chance when she falls asleep for ever.

Attention: Quaritch grew to love Pandora and lived happily with Spider and Y/N. Y/N got her avatar when she was 15 while Spider's avatar was still worked on but he's getting one.

pt 2 of Regret

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Being the daughter of Quaritch and liking the future Metkayina leader has it's perks. Knowing he'll never like her because of her freaky fingers and growing up as one of the sky people made her heart hurt more then the time her father died. Luckily he came back with an Avatar.

Quaritch grew to love Pandora and decided to become one of the reef people. Metkayina welcomed Quaritch and his small familly with open arms. Jake, Tonowari and Quaritch became inseparable as if they weren't hating each other years before.

Tsireya helped Y/N and spider with breathing and swimming lessons while Lo'ak and Kiri laughed at Spider getting pissed off for not being fast and Y/N trying to impress Aonung. That didn't go un notice to Aonung.

He thought it was funny, yes he accepted the Sully's but that shouldn't mean he should like everyone who's like them but he didn't say anything but deep down he wanted to say something to her.

Y/N POV

I was walking on the beach when I saw Aonung in the distance talking to his group of friends. I felt a small blush creep up onto my cheeks as I saw him just standing there. 'He's so handsome' I thought stopping in my tracks.

"I mean yeah she's beautiful". I heard Aonung say as he scratched his neck. Was he talking about me? I smiled feeling my heart flutter. 'Thank you Eywa' I thought again. I walked up to Aonung with confidence before tapping his shoulder.

"Hey Aonung". I said smiling. I could hear his heavy sigh before turning around. "What". He said coldly. "Can you please meet me here tonight at midnight". I said playing with my fingers. He looked at his friends before smirking. "Sure I'll be here". He said before leaving with his friends.

My smile grew bigger as I rushed to my pod. When I got there my father was there. "He said yes!" I said loudly making my father look at me. "Who?" he asked standing up in his Metkayina clothes. "That's new". I said making him smile.

"Like it. Jake said to get rid of the uniform". Quaritch asked. "So much better. Anyway I asked Aonung out!" I said with excitement. "Finally. I heard Spider say walking into the pod. "Just be careful okay". Quaritch said putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I will dad!" I said running of to Kiri and Tsireya. "I did it". I said with a smile. "I asked him out". I continued making them both smile. "Finally!" Kiri yelled as she got up. "Let's go we need to get you into a cute outfit". Tsireya said pulling me with them.

No one POV

Y/N, Kiri and Tsireya spent the whole day in Kiri's pod choosing Y/N outfit and braiding her hair. As the time got closer to midnight Y/N was finally ready. She was wearing a beautiful white top with a blue bottom peace with shells in her hair. "You look beautiful Y/N". Kiri said smiling. "Thanks guys. I will tell you everything tomorrow". Y/N said before leaving.

When Y/N got to the spot she already saw Aonung standing there. "I'm sorry did you wait to long for me". Y/N asked making him turning around. "No I just got here". He said looking Y/N up and down. "I wore the blue you liked and Kiri choose the top". She said seeing his ears peek up when she mentioned Kiri.

"It looks beautiful". He said softly making Y/N smile. Y/N and Aonung spent the night talking and walking around before Aonung kissed her just as she was about to leave. Y/N felt her world stop before kissing back as they ended the night by making love under the stars.

The next morning Y/N woke up all alone with no sign of Aonung. "Aonung". She said looking around. She slowly got up fixing her clothes walking back to the village when she saw him in the distance. She smiled and made her way to him.

"There you are". Y/N said softly but got no replay. "Aonung?" She asked again. "What is it Y/N? Can't you see I'm busy". Aonung said snapping. "I just wanted to say thank you for last night it mean a lot to me". Y/N said making him groan. "Last night was a mistake it will never happen again". Aonung said making Y/N smile drop.

"What". she said softly. "But you said 'I see you' last night". Y/N continued making him scoff. "Oh please you really think I want this as my mate? Besides I only did that so that I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. I'm mating with Anurai in two days". Aonung said making Y/N go silent.

"You used me". Y/N asked feeling hot tears threatening to spill out any moment. "I mean you can say that". He said rolling his eyes. Y/N felt as if her heart was ripped into many pieces. Her world got darker as the words kept repeating themselves in her head.

"You could've done better". He said before walking off with his friends as Y/N stood there in silence. She slowly wrapped her arms around herself as she felt her legs gave in as she fell to the ground crying her heart out. She felt disgusted with herself for letting something like this happen to her.

"Why Eywa!" She screamed as more tears run down her face. "Why me". Y/N asked getting up before walking into the ocean. She rubbed her arms and neck rapidly trying to wash his touch and kisses off that he left behind. Y/N took her knife out grabbing her hair before cutting a piece off hating how he pulled it the night before.

After minutes of washing herself, she finally sat down with puffy eyes. "Oh Eywa". She whispered softly looking at the sky. "I tried moving on, I really tried but I can't. Please make the pain stop". She whispered through her sobs.

"I'm sorry". She said getting up slowly. She made her way to her pod hoping her father isn't there. As she got closer she saw him laughing as talking others. She quickly walked into her pod looking around before sighing. Y/N got out a peace of cloth out before writing something on it for her father and brother.

She slowly got up as she made her way to the water before calling her ilu. She slowly got on and connected the bond before swimming away. When she got up for air she saw Lo'ak and the rest playing in the water far away. She sadly smiled before turning to her ilu. "When I'm gone take care of them sunshine okay". She said getting off, kissing its head before disconnecting the bond.

Y/N watched as sunshine swam away before diving down. She swam to the spirt tree smiling softly. She took her bond before connecting it to the spirt tree.

When she opened her eyes everything seemed so brighter. She inhaled the fresh air as she felt the grass underneath her toes. "Y/N?" She heard someone say making her turn around. "Neteyam". She smiled pulling him into a hug. "My love what's wrong, why are you crying". He asked rubbing the tears away. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Neteyam I tried to move on and it failed. Aonung used me. I'm sorry". Y/N cried more tightening her grip. "Hey it's okay my love. I still see you and always will. Until I die and after death. To the moon and beyond that". Neteyam said giving her a soft kiss to the cheek.

"I miss you so much". Y/n said holding his cheek. "I miss you too my love". Neteyam said smiling. "I'll be back okay". Y/N said kissing him again. "And I'll be waiting here until you come". He said kissing back.

Y/N opened her eyes and disconnected her bond. She looked up feeling her lungs ache for air but she didn't swim up nor move. She felt the burning feeling getting worse as her nose and lungs fill with the salty water as she gasped for air. Y/N slowly sunk down deeper as she gasped more feeling her eye lids getting heavier.

With one last gasp Y/N body went numb as her eyes closed slowly making the last thing she sees the spirt tree shining brightly in in front of her leaving her floating in the ocean.

At the village everyone continued as normal not knowing they lost another soul. Quaritch walked into the pod ready to make dinner as he saw the piece of cloth. He slowly picked it up reading it as he dropped the bowl of fruits. "Jake!" He yelled running out with tears in his eyes. "No please no". He said running faster. Jake, Tonowari and the kids coming into view he yelled again. "Jake! Tonowari!" He yelled again making them turn to him.

"What's wrong". Jake asked quickly. Quaritch quickly gave him the cloth. "It's Y/N". He said through the tears. Jake quickly read the note before turning to Tonowari. "We need to go now!" He said calling his Tsurak with Tonowari following.

"Dad what's going on". Spider asked looking at his dad worried. "It's nothing Spider go and have fun. I'll call you when she get's her". Quaritch said feeling his world stop. 10 minutes turned into half an hour before Jake and Tonowari showed up. Quaritch quickly got up walking closer. "Did you find her". He asked with hope.

"Yes we did". Tonowari said standing in front of Jake. "What's going on". Neytiri asked before gasping. Tonowari slowly move away from Jake showing Y/N in his arms not moving or breathing. "No Y/N! No!" Quaritch said taking her carefully. "Baby wake up". He said putting her onto the ground.

He softly held her cheek. "Y/N come on baby wake up for me we just reconnected as father and daughter". He said tearing up more. "Y/N!" Kiri yelled making everyone look at an unconscious Y/N. They quickly ran to Quaritch gasping at the sight.

"My sweet child no". Quaritch said as he stared doing CPR begging Eywa do something. "I can not lose you yet". He shaking his head. "Not now." He continued. "Quaritch". Tonowari said pulling him back gently. "No!" Quaricth said pulling away. "Come here". Jake said pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry". He said softly as he felt Quaritch hug back.

"Y/N". Spider said bending down softly holding her cheek. He slowly teared up before holding her head against his chest as he kissed her now short hair. "Hey guys what's going on". Aonung said walking closer gasping when he saw Y/N. "She killed herself". Spider cried out as he held her tighter.

"What no I talked to her this morning". Aonung said walking closer. "Wake up". He said shaking Y/N. "Wake up!" He said feeling his eyes fill with tears. "It's not late son". Tonowari said pulling Aonung away regret washed over him as he stared at her lifeless body looking peaceful knowing it was his fault.

"She was so excited". Quaritch said holding her body as tears ran onto her face. Spider looked up making eye contact with Aonung. "She finally asked the boy out she was crushing for after weeks of practicing what she'd say to him". He continued. "What did you do". Spider said getting up. "I didn't do anything". Anoung said backing up. "You were her date! She didn't come home last night why would she do this after your night with her! What did you do!" Spider said pushing Aonung back.

"We fucked! Okay we talked and kissed". Aonung said tearing up. "I told her I'm going to mate with someone else and she fell quite. I didn't know she'd do this I swear". Aonong said. "She'd understand. You used her! You used her for sex that's why she's dead!" Spider yelled hitting Aonung in the face leaving him quite. "Aonung is this true". Ronal asked not believing what she's hearing. "Answer!" Tonowari yelled making him flinch. "Yes!. Okay I used her but it was a joke I swear!" Aonung said holding himself.

Everything went quite. "You disappoint me Aonung". Tonowari said shaking his head. "Sorry won't ever fix this". Ronal said walking to Quaritch with everyone following behind her slowly. "Bro please". Aonung said grabbing Lo'ak arm. "No you killed her". Lo'ak said pulling away as he followed.

Aonung watched as everyone carried Y/N away leaving him behind in the rain with a broken heart and regret. As for Y/N was with Neteyam happily not feeling the pain she used to but feeling the love from her mate. Her only love. Neteyam.

#avatar the way of water #aonung #neteyam sully #tsireya #kiri sully #loak sully #neytiri #jake sully #tuktirey #aonung x y/n #miles quaritch #tonowari x ronal

[neocrackheadtechnology23]

"Shut up you human-sized mosquito"

[Living room, Taeyong, Doyoung, Jaemin, Xiaojun, Ten]

Doyoung: Did you pick Mark from his art class?

Taeyong, thinking: Wait, who is Mark again?

Doyoung: LEE TAEYONG I SWEAR TO GOD-

Haechan, peacefully entering the room: Mom, please tell Renjun to stop chasing me with a knife, I feel extremely unsafe.

Taeyong: I am sorry, what did I just hear?

Doyoung: The hell?! Don’t you think that I miss a certain quality to be your mom?

Jaemin, putting a wig on Doyoung’s head: There you go.

Doyoung, removing the wig: [...]

Doyoung, sighing: Renjun put that knife away.

Renjun: Then, tell him to stop eating my homework!

Xiaojun: Again?! Is Doyoung not feeding you enough?

Doyoung: I knew, I can only count on Xiaojun here.

Ten: Violence doesn't solve anything-

Jaemin: Says the one who was ready to put Lucas on fire after he betrayed you in fucking Monopoly.

Ten: You ain't better, you were ready to bite Yangyang yesterday because he messed with the coffee machine.

Xiaojun, staring blankly at the wall: Sometimes I reconsider my existence...

Haechan: Oh god, can we talk about me now?! I really don't want to get chocked by Renjun at 3 A.M.

Renjun: Shut up, you human-sized mosquito, I have all the rights to stab you!

Haechan: DON'T CALL ME A MOSQUITO, YOU MINI-SIZED HIGHLIGHTER!

Renjun: [...]

Xiaojun, talking to the plant: Smells like someone is getting punched tonight.

Haechan runs away, yelling with Renjun chasing him.

Jaemin: Finally! Some peace-

Chenle, Hendery, and Lucas enter the house, by the window.

Doyoung: I don't think so.

Taeyong, looking at the three making a mess in the kitchen: Mind explaining to me why you entered by the window when we have a fucking...DOOR?!

Hendery: Well, funny thing Chenle said life is too short to not enter your house by the window!

Lucas: AYE WAZZUP EVERYONE! OH NANA YOU'RE HERE?!

Jaemin: As far as I remember, I am unfortunately still a part of this mess that Kun hyung likes to call...FAMILLY.

Xiaojun: Relatable-

Doyoung: OH GOD CHENLE! PUT THAT DAMN MILK BOTTLE AWAY! Did you forget it belongs only and only to Jaehyun?

Ten: And I can feel the danger from here-

Jaehyun, bursting into the living room: WHO MESSED WITH MY MILK?!

Ten, leaving the room: You know what? No. I am out.

Taeyong: Weren't you buying groceries?

Jaehyun: I felt something was wrong with my milk. I can sense it, just like Doyoung hyung who can sense when Chenle is setting the kitchen on fire.

Jaemin: Or when Johnny hyung is about to make an inappropriate joke.

Xiaojun: Or when Hendery is stuck to the ceiling.

Taeyong: Okay we all know how super-talented your mom is, but Jaehyun can you go back to the store, no one is going to drink your damn milk! Chenle, Hendery, and Lucas you guys go search for Haechan and Renjun.

Doyoung: Ahh that means I can now continue my argument with you!-

Johhny enters the room, dressed as Tony the Tiger.

Jaemin: -Or not.

To be continued...

#nct #kim doyoung #kim dongyoung #lee taeyong #na jaemin #dejun xiao #lee ten #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #huang renjun #zhong chenle #huang hendery #wong yukhei #wong lucas #jung jaehyun #suh youngho #suh johnny #nct u #nct dream #wayv #nct ot23 #nct 127 #NCT #incorrect quotes #nct incorrect quotes #kpop incorrect quotes #nct crack #nct dotae #author is sleep deprived #i am proud of this wtf

[justapotatonow]

Sunshine boy ch.2

Summary: Lucas and Y/n have been best friends for a long time, so what will happen when there's trouble in paradise and a new person enters their lives.

Masterlist

"Fuck this" you mumbled as you stepped into a puddle. Today has not been your day, first, you overslept and missed half of your morning class. Then you wanted to get food but you realised that you left your wallet at home. Not to mention that Lucas ignored you for the whole day for his new obnoxiously happy girlfriend. Later that day he stood you up at the coffee shop, of course, but there was someone that occupied your thoughts all the way back to your apartment. Jungwoo. The young barista that made your day significantly better. You usually don't connect with people that easily but, as crazy as it sounds, he made you feel safe. With the way, he talked and his soft eyes and his gorgeous lips and-

"Care to explain where you were?"

You didn't realise you were already at your apartment.

"Lucas, what are you doing here? It's late, you should get rest before your presentation tomorrow."

"I'll do that, but first I wanted to apologise to you. It was wrong to stand you up like that, but Kun wanted to see a movie with me."

" Right. Now can you leave? I still have some homework to do."

"Y/n you know I care about you, I don't like seeing you upset"

He said, walking towards you and hugging you tightly.

"Lucas," you said slowly slipping out of his embrace "we planned this for a week, and you just blow me off like that. A text would've been nice."

"I don't need to apologise for spending time with my friend"

"Yep, you're right. Goodnight Lucas"

"Goodnight Y/n. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." You said walking into your apartment.

A few hours later you and your roommate Kevin were cleaning the kitchen because you decided you wanted to bake cookies, and now the kitchen was covered in flour and Kevin somehow managed to get batter on the ceiling. Grabbing your phone to play some music you realised that you had three new texts from an unknown number.

Unknown: hey this is Jungwoo, from the coffee shop :)

Unknown: i wanted to ask if you arrived home safely

Unknown: sorry you're probably busy haha

You: oh my god im sorry i was baking with my roommate, i didn't see your messages,, but yeah i arrived home safely :)

You: btw thanks for keeping me company today, hopefully i can return the favour sometime

Coffee boy<3: my friends and i are going out to a restaurant tommorow, you can join us if you want ;)

Coffee boy<3: im so sorry that was my roommate jaehyun

You: its ok haha, id love to go out with you

You: and your friends i mean haha

You mentally facepalmed yourself.

Coffee boy<3: its a date then:)

Coffee boy<3: not like a date date haha,, anyways see you tomorrow

You: see you<3

"Y/n, Y/n, Y/N" Kevin shouted, trying to get your attention.

"whAT oh my- Kevin you scared me."

"Oh sorry" he smirked "did I interrupt something?"

"No,, I was just... asking someone for homework."

"Uh huh, is that why you're blushing?"

"Yes, of course, English literature can be quite scandalous" you added with a laugh.

You explained to Kevin who Jungwoo was and told him about your plans for tomorrow. "He actually has a funny roommate, Jaehyun, do you know him? "

"Wait a god damn second. Are you talking about Jung Jaehyun and Kim Jungwoo?"

"Yeah? Why? Don't tell me they're stalkers or something"

"Nope, at least I hope not. But anyway they're one of the richest guys on campus. Their famillies have a lot of money. Like, a lot. But they mostly stick to their group, I'm surprised they even invited you."

"Cheers for that Kevin. But that doesn't make sense why does Jungwoo work in a coffee shop then? Why does he ride a bike to uni?"

"I think he's just trying to fit in, to be honest."

"Maybe."

"Welp I'm gonna go to bed. See you tomorrow."

"See you" you told him with a small smile.

That night you went to bed with lots of things on your mind.

#nct #nct x reader #nct one shot #nct scenarios #nct lucas #nct angst #nct fluff #nct wayv #nct imagines #nct imagine #wayv #wayv lucas #wayv imagines #wayv fluff #wayv blurbs #wayv x reader #Lucas #Lucas x reader #lucas x reader #wong yukhei imagines #wong yukhei x reader #wong yukhei #Jungwoo #Kim Jungwoo #kim jungwoo #kim jungwoo x reader #nct jungwoo #Jungwoo imagines #Jungwoo imagine #Jungwoo x reader

[thoughtsandthecity]

One Step Ahead

Theres been one and a half month since I knew I failed my exams. Some of my friends did pass and the most of them failed too. Since I got the final results I failed, I got so mad for the others who almost failed but they still will get into the university they like. That’s called jealousy. I needed to take a long break away from everyone so I wouldn’t hurt them. I failed but that doesn’t mean I should make them feel bad about their success. Of course and I shouldn’t. I should be happy about them, though I couldn’t afford that at this certain time.

I ignored all the invetations, meessages and calls for a long time. I was in that part of my life where I had to get all my thoughts together, decide my next moves, to understand my mistakes and get my shit together. After a lot of writting, tears and discussions with familly members and my counselor I was able to move on. I started getting out  again with my friends, and everything was going great untill they told me that they would take driving lessons. It was that time I realised that I had fallen behind. 

It took me a whole week to recover from this again. I was feeling like they were moving on with their life and I was one step behind. I mean, the well-known way life has to follow is graduation, sex, driving lessons, university, more sex, travelling, getting a deggree, working and hating your life, getting married, having kids and then dying. The in between is called life. At least thats the belief I was grown up with. Though that was SO WRONG. Everyones likes and interests are different, our lifes are different because different things will happen to us. 

Thus I realized that no, you are not falling behind in life because you differ from others timing. I t doesnt mean that you are a faillure because you have your own pace. They might be having driving lessons but that doesn’t mean you never will if you don’t want to, maybe the job I want to have takes more time than theirs, maybe, maybe ,maybe.... There comes that time you need to understand that you have to stop comparing your life to others and concentrate on yours, on your path, because that’s what succesful and mature people do. When you understand that and accept who you are, decide what you want, when you finally stop sabbotaging yourself, you are already a step ahaid. Actually there are no steps, let’s just say that you are doing better than you think.

After understanding all that stuff and clearing my mind, I started hanging out with a friend of mine that I really loved, we will call her, Miranta. So Miranta and I were so strong together, best friends I would say. However, when I started hanging out again with her I realised that we had nothing in common any more. I started judginng everything she was doing, everything looked really funny and childish to me. I saw that she was actually way to selfish all these years, she was talking behind people’s back and then she was hanging out with them, she never really cared about my feelings, plus she was a pretty jealous person, competitive. I understood that I had a toxic freind with me all that time. I also realised that I was grown and she was not. I tried to see her as I was seeing her previously but it was pretty hard. The thing is that she was like that all the damn time, so I don’t blame her, I changed. I grew up and now I see things differently, she is the same person I was dealing with, she didn’t change even a little. Though still I have to cut her off. She is a person who is stuck in an imature age, still I don’t blame her, but I am moving on, I am focused on my goals and my dreams now, I don’t laugh at the same things, I don’t read the same books, she doesnt ever read books,I don’t like tik tok, I actually like money, and I am running, trying to balance a healthy living because I have a hard schedule to follow from now on, I pretty much became an adult. She didn’t.

In conclusion, you might feel sometimes like you fall behind in life, but that’s a trap. There’s no such thing, you have your own pace, your own life to live, your own path. Instead of keeping yourself behind, realise some things and move on, be there in every momment because later you are going to regret not living your life to the fullest. Comparing your self to other people’s life is just stupid because nothing is equal, neither your goals, neither your money, neither your familly and ethics, neither your flaws or advantages. Focus on you if you want to be happy after all. Last but not least, as you grow up, you will understand that you and some people that previously you were good with, you don’t align with anymore. But that’s normal as I mentioned above. Don’t blame them, they didn’t change, you did, you are growing, go with the flow.

untill next time

xoxo

#citylife #life #lifestylewriter #writing #written #blogger #article #writterscommunity #WrittersBlog #quotes #friendship #friendshipquotes #growingup #18 #painting #anxiety

[edyacouky]

*SPOIL* Lego Batman : A Familly Matter

Ok so I don't think I will say too much but there will be spoil here so don't read if you mind it

Ok if you are still here it is because you don't mind

So about this movie :

The story was on two parties sort of. Partie 01 Red Hood is the bad guy, Partie 02 Harvey and Double Face are the bad guys. The theme connected all the movie is what Bruce Wayne have to offer for helping people. Hell even Bruce thinks that Bruce Wayne have no purpose and that he should be Batman 24h/24.

The story was simple with many autoderision. But to judge this movie the better is to talk about the character.

So what about them?

Batfamilly

Alfred Pennyworth

Alfred is the majordome as much as he is the father of a drama queen Bruce (I will explain later). Don't think he had other purpose that being here for the joke, but his sarcasm and british style are always a pleasure to see.

Bruce Wayne

The way he see Bruce Wayne could really become a serious subject. At first the movie joke when Bruce said something like :What an horror being Bruce Wayne. He just a rich guy lazy with an eternal smile that everybody love" Alfred said to that :"*sarcasm* what a drame sir". And I really think in other context, maybe with more time, the story could show about what is Bruce Wayne (another mask like said Dick in Bad Blood, and a mask that Bruce endure and don't know how stop doing it (maybe this personna would be more confortable for Bruce if after take Dick, he stop playing the playboy to embrace the tired father))

What is really a plus it is that we see a loving, caring and patient Bruce (thing that comics don't want do anymore). And he talk before attack the vilain !? That is so amazing that he always tried his best so thing can go better.

I really love also the fact that he place his cousin Kate as an egal. Saying thing like :"Kate is really good. Dick, you should take her exemple. I didn't hear her come"

He knows his flaw and he works with his familly. Damian is the exception, but for the rest he doesn't hesite delegue some action and trust them.

I really wish we could see Bruce like that in more media.

Kate Kane

Like I said she is egal to Bruce. She is the one who give order when he can't. She is also badass !

When someone tell her that Batman send her, send "a girl dooing a man job" she simply said "No he wantes it being well done, so he send a woman" !!! I love that !

She is a good leader, a fearless soldier and it is amazing being able to see this.

But I have to admit she doesn't have much dialogue. But it is a problem recurent beczuse there are many character.

Dick Grayson

Ok so he is one of the characters where I am disapointed.

Dick become stupid and here for comic relief. There is a conflic with Barbara (he didn't respond to an sms she send 2hours ago) that I found superficial (I will develop more when I will talk about Babs). And they could have found a better reason to conflic.

Fortunatly there is some good scene with Damian. Dick reassure Damian that Bruce love him and want only take care of him, the way he react when Red Hood is a treat to Damian. But there are few of them.

Barbara Gordon

So we can see in some scene that she is smart, good fighter and funny, but unfortunatly for most part she is just a "typical" teenager.

Most of her dialogue it is about the fact that Dick didn't answer to her message. Sure we found (with one sentence) that she is insecure about Dick's feeling for and the fact that he could leave her. But this kind of conflic is not something I enjoy to watch. If at least the two talk really about that it would be better.

Damian Wayne

Certainly the one where I am the most disapointed.

I love Damian. I love that he is smart, arrogant, insecure, a kind of adult in child body that learn that he can be a child. He is such an interresting character.

Here he is a "typical" kid. Smilling all the time, fight the parental figure but without being truly rebelious.

It is a shame because there are not much to do so he can be more "Damian".

Have a grin sometimes and not a big smile. When Batman ask him if he did his physic homework he could have said :"Father, do you realise that I have a master in physic?" 'But did you do it?" "*Groan* Yes"

Too bad.

Jason Todd

He is different from the comics and it is because this movie is an AU where Jason lives but decide leave the manor after a fight with Bruce.

This Jason is more open to his familly, don't seem think that killed people is the solution. He still take easily blame ("I am sorry Bruce this my fault. I am going to fix this" and jump alone in a fight !)

It is nice see him talk with Bruce about their issue (less serious that in comics books but still!) and even share a hobbie (Jason learn Bruce how to play video game!). This is really sweet.

I just wish they make Jason a book lover and not a gamer but I still have hope that one day this Jason will come back !

Tim Drake

He is just mentioned. And it is a shame because I am curious know why Tim become Robin if Bruce wasn't killed himself cause of grief.

Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain/Duke Thomas

Never mentionned. Maybe on vaccation with other female character that we don't see in this movie (5 vilain+1 civilain+1 crossover all men)

Mention special

I love Fred. I just love this guy

So here was my humble opinion. Don't hesitate tell me what you thinking about the movie.

#dc comics #spoil #spoils #lego #lego batman #lego batman a family matter #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #barbara gordon #kate kane #damian wayne #jason todd

[grxywxrn]

Alive part two

Nathaniel sat on his and Nico’s couch as they watch a match of Exy on the TV.

“Watch this!” Nico pointed at Andrew in goal. The ball was just about to get in, but Andrew twisted his body and caught it. He threw it down court into Kevin’s racket with such force someone on the other team dodged out the way.

Nathaniel il could imagine the muscles in his shoulders flexing as he flung the ball down court. Yep, he was not ace like he previously thought.

The game finished, Andrew’s teams favour. Nathaniel didn’t actually know any of the teams, there was just Andrew’s team and every other team.

“Can we watch a Fox game?” Nathaniel asked. Nico happily put on a match, Foxes vs Catamounts.

It was impressive, it really was. Neil Josten was amazing and faster than anybody else on that court. Number 8 getting in a fight was funny because Nathaniel knew he wasn’t the type to throw a punch. He didn’t know how he knew, it was like a feeling.

Andrew shut down the goal and the Catamounts didn’t stand a chance.

When Nathaniel watched this game, it felt like he had been there before. Almost like he had played this game.

The Foxes won something to something and everyone went crazy. Josten was jumped on by number 8, but he was watching Andrew in goal.

The way he watch Neil made it painstakingly obvious of his feelings. Nathaniel didn’t understand how the public didn’t know anything about their relationship.

Andrew didn’t look different today that he did in this footage, just with more stubble and muscles.

Nico has gone into the kitchen to start on dinner so Nathaniel was left in the lounge room alone. He couldn’t find the remote so the next video to play couldn’t be shut off.

“It is speculated that Andrew Minyard has been secretly dating a mystery man.” The lady on the TV was say. “He was seen in a Berlin shopping centre heading to a coffee shop with an unknown green haired man. When the press caught up with them, Minyard began leaving with his hand on the mans back, whispering into his ear.”

The lady was around Nathaniel’s age and was wearing a blue jersey with the number 5 on it with the name Minyard.

“Later, Minyard would punch a reporter for asking, quote, ‘How would Neil feel knowing you are moving on?’ This has lead fans to believe that Josten and Minyard were involved in an intimate relationship before Jostens kidnapping and death.”

A photo of Andrew and Nathaniel came up on screen. It was taken from behind so Nathaniel could see Andrew gripping his shirt.

Nathaniel turned off the TV as Nico came back in to the lounge room holding a bowl of tortilla chips.

“Wanna go get tattoos?” Nathaniel asked randomly.

“Did you remember something?” Nico asked. Neil only got tattoos of things he remembered. The doctors said he probably would remember anything but sometimes Nathaniel got flashes of a memory.

“Keys, something about keys.” Nathaniel replied. Nico sent a questioning gaze to him. Nathaniel tried to remember more. “Someone gave me keys to something.”

“Weren’t you found with a set of keys?” Nico asked. Nathaniel couldn’t remember, he just has a set of keys in his draw that he didn’t remember having.

Nathaniel went to find them, it took a bit of shuffling around, but right in the back of his desk were keys.

Nathaniel knew them, knew of them anyways. He knew the dips and the teeth of them by heart.

He walked out and threw the keys onto Nico’s lap.

“Wow, now try to remember who gave them to you.” Nathaniel closed his eyes, the smell of cigarette smoke and whiskey wrapping around him like a blanket. He remembered the feeling of anxiety in his chest. No, that wasn’t anxiety, it was shock. He remembered fingers digging into the hollow of his neck, the collar of his shirt being tugged. Nathaniel flicked through the keys, tracing the teeth until he found the one that matched the memory.

“This one.” Nathaniel opened his eyes, Nico was about to ask what it did but Nathaniel interrupted. “Someone...died, I think, and a different person gave me a key to...the...car- house it was a house.”

“Nathan, buddy, I think you dated someone before what happened.” Nico said. Nathaniel laughed.

“Yeah right.”

Right then, Nathaniel’s phone started ringing. He put it to his ear, not checking the caller ID.

“Hello, is this Nathaniel Wesninski?” A sweet voice said on the other end of the line.

“Yes, who is this?” Nathaniel replied.

“My name is Renee Walker, a friend of Andrew’s.”

“Is everything alright?” Nathaniel asked, worried. Nico look concerned from the couch.

“There’s been a bit of an accident, and I didn’t want you to find out over the media.” Renee said.

“What do you mean accident?” Nathaniel gripped the keys in his hand.

“I am sure you know about him and Neil, correct?” Nathaniel grunted. “Well, around this time of year Andrew gets...self destructive, more than usual. I thought it was over so I let him be.” Renee started sniffing. “Andrew went out to the bar at Columbia, someone gave him something with his drink. He was driving back to New York, drunk and high and still going. He took something else, I know he’d never tried it before, he overdosed while driving.”

Nathaniel didn’t speak, he didn’t breathe, he couldn’t see.

“Is he going to live?” Nathaniel murmured. Nico was up off his seat, in front of Nathaniel as fast as he could. “Is Andrew going to make it?”

Nico gasped.

“I-“ Renee choked. “They won’t tell me anything. They said they would only tell family. Andrew doesn’t have family!”

“Aaron?”

“They aren’t on speaking terms.”

“Nicky?”

“Stuck in Germany.”

“I’m coming.” Nathaniel said before hanging up. “I’m going to America.” He said to Nico.

“What happened?”

“Overdosed.” Nathaniel ran into his room, grabbed a bag, a shirt and pants, his laptop and shoes.

“Nathaniel, calm down.” Nico yelled. “You aren’t going to get a flight in such sort notice.”

“Well have you got any better ideas?”

“My dad owns a jet, remember?”

“Screw you and let’s go.”

All they had had to say to Nico’s insanely rich father was, “Nathaniel’s boyfriend is going to die!” And they were in the air.

When they plane took off Nathaniel got hit with another memory.

“You weren’t lying when you said you were afraid of heights.”

He was looking out over planes through a glass panel. Andrew was standing next to him.

Then it was gone, and he was back on the jet and going to New York.

Nathaniel had always wanted to go to New York, but he didn’t have time to sight see. He didn’t even remember getting to the hospital.

“Andrew Minyard!” He called to the lady at the front desk.

“How are you related?” The nurse asked.

“Husband.” Nathaniel claimed. A girl with a cross around her neck and white and rainbow hair gripped his arm.

“I told you he was coming from Germany, ma’am.” She said. This was Renee, Nathaniel knew it instantly.

“You aren’t here.” The nurse said, pointing at the computer. “Mr Minyard isn’t married.”

“He is! Please, at least tell me if he’s alright!” Nathaniel pleaded.

“You aren’t Familly-“ The nurse started but cut herself off when she looked behind Nathaniel.

Nathaniel turned to see Andrew falling against the wall, blood running down his arm from where he ripped the IV out.

“N-N-“ Andrew was trying to say something, reaching an unstable hand to Nathaniel.

Nathaniel ran forward and caught Andrew as he fell.

“Andrew, Andrew.” Nathaniel held him. “I’m your husband, just go along with it.” He whispered into Andrew’s ear. Andrew buried his face into Nathaniel shoulder, trying to speak but there was no sound. “Shh, shh.”

It took four nurses to get Andrew back to his bed. Nathaniel was allowed in, so was Renee and Nico. Kevin came later, saying that Aaron was in the waiting room.

When Kevin had seen Nathaniel, he gasped. He looked like he had seen a ghost. Renee had said his name very sternly and left to talk to Aaron.

“The other person in the car was killed.” Kevin said. Nathaniel didn’t even know there was another person. “I don’t know the guy, he was older and definitely the guy who drugged Andrew.”

Nathaniel flinched.

“First Drake and then this guy.” Kevin mumbled.

Drake.

Nathaniel saw blood and an Exy racket. He saw Andrew laughing and bleeding. He was scars and a body.

Andrew turned over in his bed, just slightly so it was easier to see Nathaniel.

“Screw you Josten.” Andrew said to Nathaniel.

“Andrew, I’m not-“ Nathaniel stopped, because for once he couldn’t be sure of who he was. He had all these memories that had Andrew in them, but he had only met Andrew a month and a half ago.

Five months later and he was still in the US. He was staying with Andrew in Andrew’s apartment and he never wanted to leave. This place had an arcade, indoor swimming pool, ice cream stand and a destruction room. The TV on the fourth floor was the size of a movie screen and the popcorn bar was heavenly.

“Why do you ever leave your house?” Nathaniel had asked.

“Because I have the worst job with the worst co-workers.” Andrew replied.

Nathaniel was still stuck on whether to ask about his memories. There were moments when the words almost tumbled out of him, “did we know each other before?” Like when they were watching the lion king because neither of them could sleep. Or when Nathaniel was dyeing Andrew’s hair dusty purple to match his.

However, it was the high level of alcohol in his system that brought out the words.

Andrew wasn’t allowed to drink yet because he was still a bit weak from his overdose, but it was late at night and Nathaniel needed something.

“You’re a mess.” Andrew said.

Nathaniel was upside down on the couch. “Being drunk helps me remember.”

“Remember what?” Andrew took a seat next to Nathaniel.

“Anything!” Nathaniel sighed, exhausted. “Good or bad, really I just want to know something.” He sat up properly, looking at Andrew like a sad puppy. “Or you could tell me.”

Andrew’s shoulders tensed. “That’s impossible.”

Nathaniel shook his head, frustrated. Why does nobody understand. “No! I have all these memories of you, Kevin too! Even Renee! You were part of my old life, I know it!”

“You’re drunk-“

“You are afraid of heights and planes, I remember the planes. Drake and a club. A bus! I have all these little things I remember- keys, the keys!” Nathaniel jumped up and raced to his duffle bag from the bench. He dug out the keys and showed them to Andrew. “See! This one opens a house.” He showed the key to Andrew.

His face was blank but his shoulders were bunched. Andrew didn’t say anything for the longest time. He got up off the couch and headed for the door.

“Sober up.” He said.

“What happened to only wanting to kill me 90% of the time?” Andrew stopped dead in his tracks.

“You already died.” It sounded like Andrew chose his words carful but at the same time, like he didn’t mean to say them.

The next week Nathaniel was going along like that conversation a had never happened. He was pretty sure now that Andrew knew something he didn’t. Everyone did. Kevin always watched him suspiciously and conversations seemed to die when Nathaniel entered a room.

Nathaniel had to pick up Andrew from practice when Kevin wanted to stay longer. Kevin had given Andrew a ride there so Nathaniel had to use his car. That was another one of the keys. Why he had keys to Andrew’s car, he didn’t know.

When Andrew got into the car he grabbed the front of Nathaniel’s shirt and brought his face to his. Nathaniel’s breath hitches and he closed his eyes, subconsciously waiting for Andrew to do something.

Instead, he mumbled, “Take me to get ice cream.” Nathaniel was pushed back into the drivers side door.

Nathaniel had a feeling Kevin was watching so he did a few rings in the parking lot before heading in the way of the ice cream shop.

“Who taught you to drive?” Andrew asked.

“I don’t know. I just got in a car one day and the next thing I knew I was in Germany.” Nathaniel shrugged.

“You ran.” Andrew didn’t ask it like a question.

“It felt right, I don’t know, okay Andrew.” Nathaniel gripped the stirring wheel harder and turned a sharp right. “I don’t know anything about myself so leave it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

Nathaniel parked across three spaces and got out with a slam of the door. He rounded the car and knocked on Andrew’s window. Andrew rolled down the window, looking at Nathaniel with a bored look.

“Stay here, I’ll get your order.” When Neil returned he had an espresso and vanilla for himself and a rainbow flavour and a caramel/chocolate/honey comb thing for Andrew.

Before he gave it to Andrew, Nathaniel licked his ice cream with his eyes locked with Andrew’s.

He handed it over and Andrew contemplated it. “Now it’s contaminated.” Andrew sounded grossed out but by the shift in his body tension Nathaniel knew his joke was more than that to Andrew.

Nathaniel licked his lips and hummed. He hated how sweet the taste on his tongue was but, shh.

“That’s good.” Nathaniel said.

“Unlike you.” Andrew snapped. “Just start driving.”

Nathaniel started driving to the public Exy court. Once Andrew realised, he groaned.

“I need you to help me practice.” Nathaniel told him when they stopped. “I was hoping you could help me with my stance.”

Andrew left the car angry.

The only armour they had was Andrew’s and he felt he didn’t need it so they went in unprotected.

Mid-practice Nathaniel’s phone started ringing with a picture of Nico’s face piping up on his phone screen.

“Hey, Nico.” Nathaniel puffed.

Andrew rolled his eyes, retuning to rebounding and catching the ball off the wall.

“Don’t, ‘Hey Nico’ me!” He yelled. “Look, bro, I get it, your boyfriend almost died but you still have friends back in Germany. Or did you forget?”

“Hey, Nico, calm down.” Nathaniel told him.

“No, we’ve heard nothing from you in four months! Laura is so worried you forget about us to go hang with your famous new friends.” Nico didn’t let Nathaniel interrupt. “Are you coming back to Germany, Nathaniel?”

“Nico.” Nathaniel didn’t add onto the name. He didn’t know what to say. He had forgotten about Nico and Laura. “I-“

“Are You coming back to Germany? Yes or no?” Nico demanded.

“Yes or no, Neil Josten?” Andrew hovered over him, eyes glazed. He said Neil’s name but his eyes locked on Nathaniel’s and they weren’t letting go.

“It’s always yes with you, remember?” Nathaniel had replied. Then they were kissing.

Nathaniel understood now. He understood everything.

“Nico, I’ll call you back to arrange flights.” Nathaniel hung up. His phone cracked when it hit the floor. Nathaniel left it there. “Andrew.” He said.

Andrew ignored him.

“Andrew!” He picked up a ball and through it at Andrew’s head, it just missed.

“What?” Andrew growled. He turned around and Nathaniel remembered every time he had looked up at Andrew.

“It’s always yes with you.” Nathaniel said just loud enough for Andrew to hear. Andrew’s shoulders tensed and the racket clatter to the floor.

Andrew’s black shirt cling to his body with sweat, the rise and fall of his chest more evident.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nathaniel asked. “Why?”

“Nathaniel-“

“Neil. I’m Neil Josten, aren’t I?” Nathaniel demanded. His head was spinning, he could hear his heart racing in his ears, blood almost drowning out Andrew’s voice.

“Neil.” That one word held so much pain in it. Too much for one person to feel, to keep inside for seven years. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Nathaniel remembered saying, knowing that that would be the last time he would see Andrew. “You were amazing.”

Neil Josten’s coming back from the dead stunt had shocked the whole world, Exy fans and others alike. Even ten years after disappearing people could not stop asking him.

Now he was back playing with Andrew and Kevin. They had won gold at the Olympics last year and they were back as the golden trio of Exy.

Andrew and Neil have been out since that game when Neil took Andrew by the collar and kissed him to the roar of the crowd behind them.

Nico had been at the engagement party with Laura by his side. Nicky let his daughters meet their uncle and Aaron texted Andrew for the first time in years.

Everything was going great.

Until Neil woke up with his pulse souring and sweating. His father grinned at him, clever glinting his cold death in his hand.

“Nathaniel, my greatest disappointment.” His voice rung out in Neil’s head.

Help me, help me, help me!

He gasped, a sound like Andrew’s name.

Andrew flinched awake. Neil grasped for him, needing something to keep him today and not then.

Andrew didn’t push Neil’s hands away when they touched his skin.

“Something from the road?” Andrew asked. Neil had had nightmares from when he was on the run with his mother.

“No- my father-“ Andrew rolled over so they were facing each other. He put Neil’s hand over his heart and his other hand tight in Neil’s white hair, tugging. “When they took me-he-Lola-“

Andrew tightened his grip in Neil’s hair. Neil breathed, thinking over the words he wanted to say.

“They hurt me.” Neil felt stupid for saying something so obvious. “They hurt me and all I could think about was coming home...to you.”

Neil slowly moved his hand from Andrew’s strong chest to his jaw, stubble grazing his palm.

“And you did come home.” Andrew told him. “You’re right here, in our apartment with our Olympic’s trophy right over there and big bed to share with just me.”

Neil let out a shaky breath. That was the closest thing to an ‘I love you’ as the two could get.

Neil lifted his and Andrew’s interlocked hands so his could admire the gold bands around their fingers.

Everything was going perfect.

It was Sunday morning and Kevin was texting them to meet him for practice. He was ignored.

Andrew rolled them over so he was looking down on Neil. He leant down, kissing the burn mark on Neil’s cheek like it would go away. He made his way down Neil’s body until head got to his chest.

“Yes or no?” Andrew said into Neil’s collar bone.

“Yes.” Neil replied.

Andrew lowered himself down until there was no space between them and Neil’s hear beat was evening out under his ear.

Then Sir jumped onto Neil’s face, King following by curling up on Andrew’s back.

Kk, this is done. I didn’t try on writing this alright so it is bad. At the end I just wanted to wrap it up so it’s rushed. There isn’t any detail and it’s super quick but whatever, I had an idea and I was to lazy to expand on it. Thanks for reading though.

Part one

#andreil #jerejean #allforthegame aftg #aftg #fiction #fanfic

[crying-in-a-club]

Okay, now lets be real.

No one likes when someone tells them to kill themselves or to die. I am getting lot of hatefull messages since friday and i think its enough. When you call me a bitch, okay. Not everyone needs to like me. But if someone tells me they will kill my familly its not funny anymore. It actually hurts. I know you will never get to me because you don’t know where i live but still. Its not funny!

So please, stop sending me hatefull messages. It hurts a lot. Thank you

[ikrahs]

(a long) summary of (so far) my not so berry challenge

haley reese (first gen) (honestly dont remember much about her)

honestly a mess. she died early by overheating and it was the worst thing. 

she was with kyle, who i thought was her soulmate but she rejected his proposal so i guess i was wrong lmao

but then she found sebastian (the best man) and they eventually got engaged

and then married 

they had baby rose (second gen) and bella 

she then died of overheating (when rose and bella were little toddlers) and i hoenstly vividly remember this so well and i was so shocked bc this wasnt supposed to happen and i guess at this point i failed the challenge 

sebastian doing all he can as a single parent to make sure the girls got everything 

he then eventually moved on with saanvi 

and they got married (although rose didnt like her)

and had baby xavier who was the best lttle brother for rose and bella 

look at little xavier

the marriage unfortunately didnt last though :((

teen rose and david who i thought she would end up with as they were best friends from a young age but they just never found each other at the right time 

teen bella and seb!! so cute!! they both loved painting and ended up owning a shop where they sold their painting which bella still owns now in memory of her dad. she still paints and sells them

seb as an elder :((

lmao here’s them both rose and bella as babysitters and this shot is so funny) at this point sebastian has passed away and rose took on the role of looking after bella and as a young adult she took the role of caregiver of teen bella 

bella briefly dated conor as a teen who was the cousin of her best friend austin  but they didnt last long

bella and austin (brother of david). these guys were best friends who had feelings for each other which is why bella and conor didnt last. this picture is so funny because the girl photobombing is who austin ended up with. guess i shouldve taken the hint 

bella and austin again!! i really wish they had ended up again but she rejected his proposal and they could never get past that in their relationship 

at this point rose wanted to live on her own without having to look after bella so she moved out on her own with david (who were now just friends) and hope (her best friend)

but she still spent so much time with her family including her step brother xavier

bella eventually set up rose with ronan (who had been a friend of bella’s for a long time). rose really did like him and they went camping together for a bit. rose then moved out of the apartment as hope and david got married and it was time for her to find her own self. she moved into a home on her own for a bit. until she fell pregnant accidently with summer (third gen).

her and ronan then moved in together in the home. and rose ensured that summer spent lots of time with her cousin (bella’s child). and hopes they will become best friends 

rose was fine with everything the way it was and didnt feel the need to get married but ronan had a different idea and proposed to rose which rose didnt reject although she really wanted to...

rose tried her best deflecting the wedding day and unknown to her ronan had organised her a suprise wedding which bella warned rose about causing a big argument between rose and ronan. ronan tried to make it up to rose by organising a wedding dress looking at a local boutique. 

it was then summer’s birthday so they played happy famillies as they celebrated summer becoming a child

the wedding day eventually came and rose left ronan at the alter as she couldnt go through with it at all

rose left the house and moved into an apartment on her own. working on loving herself and spending time with herself and organising fancy dinner parties with her friends. 

enjoying her time on her own without anything to hold her back. having summer on weekends as summer wanted to stay with her dad who she is closer to

here she met annalise (who really loves working out she even works out at parties lmao)

this went very well for them both but annalise was married. rose didnt want to pressure her into doing anything as she took this very chill. as she also didnt want to jump into another relationship. 

as she fell more deeper she eventually tried convincing annalise to leave her spouse which she accepted to as she didnt feel that strong attraction anymore. 

and then rose took the chance to propose to annalise (she turned into an elder as i played with another household)

and rose then got married as an elder

ronan also has now moved on and is at early stages with savanna and hopes to move in with her soon

#the sims 4 #nsb challenge

[danihelman-does-stuff]

Rambling about BH before bed

I honestly feel that Bojack horseman changed me. I don't think I've ever seen a portrayal of depression that felt so grounded yet so authentic. It really opened my mind about how people who have it think and feel and even though it wasn't melodramatic it didn't shy away from the ugly parts. But at the same time the show kept being aware that Bojack wasn't okay, that his actions weren't okay and that his depression wasn't okay. And that even though it can be hard it's still important to keep living. And it's great how every character in the show is both understandable and interesting. I don't think there was a single character in the main cast I did not care for and even though they weren't always good people I wanted to see how they'll face their issues. I think my top three characters from the series are Todd, Carolyn and Diane. They were all wonderfully written and I loved watching them. And I know that it may sound odd and probably bold of me to say this because I'm still young but... I feel that i might become a Diane in the future. I didn't come from an abusive familly like her but I want to do all of those good things, and be loved and achieve my talents . but I feel that maybe I'll go through the things Diane went that there will be things that will be too daunting for me and it will knock me down... Idk if it'll be to the same proportions as her but it feels like it. I think this show encouraged me to get thicker skin. To accept the fact not everything will go in my way but I should still keep living. And the show is so funny too. It's some of the best satire I've ever seen and even though it isn't afraid to push the envelope in its subject manner it knows on which targets it'll direct it's punches (in this case it rarely punched down). I'm going to be thinking about this show for a while. I'm glad my brother ,who is the main reason why I watched it in the first place, also loves the show because I want to talk about it with him too. It just... Means so much to me

#rei rambles #Bojack horseman

[yateno]

Angry thoughts of a drunk I just want to share because... why not?

Okay I'm drunk, but it doesn't mean that I can't be understansdable either in French nor in English because I'm pretty sure that my current state is not that bad.

So... I'm really sad, depressed, stressed out about my future... what am I gonna do about my future ? Right now it's almost four in the afternoon and I'm drunk. Not because I had a crazy night... even though I got to bed at five in the morning or four.... I don't really remember... why am I even really writing in english even though I'm french ?... I'm so supid sometimes... I'm such an idiot.

What is so wrong with me ?

I am really crying rgiht now... so cliché... I'm such an idiot...

My cat is right beside me, on the table, next to my computer... and she can't even understand what is going through my mind.... and now she's gone...

I'm such a mess.

I'm a mess...

I'm listening to a song I don't even know.... My fingers are working on the keyboard faster than I can even follow.... typing words with mispelling.... is that a word ? I'm french... damn it.... why am I writing in english... ?  I am so drunk and alone... I haven't even finish my second drink... okay I'm gonna do it...

Done.

I was once in love with someone... I didn't even realise it... until this someone declare their love for me... it didn't obviously end well... I rejected her... even as a friend because I didn't want her to hope that someday the response would be any different... I'm such a mess...

J'aimerais un jour pouvoir dire que ce n'était pas une mauvaise idée. Que j'ai fait tout ce que j'ai pu pour avoir une vie décente... acceptable... j'ai tellement l'impression de ne pas réussir à accomplir toutes les missions d'un jeu. Failure. I'm such a failure. YES. I'm a failure. Why am I even here ?

Still crying and still drunk.

On ne devrait pas avoir à subir la vie... c'est subir peu importe ce vous pensez.... je subis. Je suis seule. Je ne sais pas ce que je veux faire de ma vie... parce qu'on est censé savoir quoi faire de ça.... de la vie. And I'm still crying. Listening to songs I know and don't know.

What am I supposed to do when everything seems to be against my happiness ? I'm not suicidal.... right now.... but... I don't know what to do... ever... when I am like this nor when I am actually feeling good enough to believe that someday I'll just find my way to become 'someone'... what am I even saying ?

Sorry... ?

Am I even talking to someone ?

Wellcome to the dark side...

What is that song coming through my earphones ? I don't even know... but it fits so well... I'm such an idiot.

I don't even know what I want to say...

Why should I stay ???

You know...

Depression is not easy...

LOL...

Really ?

I'm such a mess...

I don't even know what is the point in telling people that I'm not feeling well. People don't want to know that.... they don't bother... they have their own problems... but... sometimes you may feel that telling your feelings to someone might feel like a burden is lift off your shoulders...

Is that even english ?

Oh my god I'm so drunk... Is that Halsey that I hear through my earphones ? I'm french damn it... why is it so difficult to think right now ???? …. I'm such an idiot when it comes to.... everything... my cat is lucky to have my unconditionnal love... nobody except her has it...

I hate so much...

I live so low... less ? I don't know... It's like I don't even allow myself to feel something something.... Is it because I'm an ace ? Because I don't want to have kids or a partner ? What am I supposed to do when I don't want either ? What am I supposed to do when I don't have any purpose ?

J'aimerais avoir un jour un vœu... un but. Je ne sais pas. Je suis tellement nulle et bourrée et seule. Pourquoi suis-je en train d'écrire alors que je ne sais si j'ai vraiment envie que quelqu'un lise ceci ?...

And it comes in waves... what is that song ? I've already heart it...

it's exactly like depression... it comes in waves... you don't always feel depressed... sometimes you happen to fool yourself in some kind of normalty... happiness...

Still crying though I don't know the point.

I am sure, certain, that I'm not even coherent in my writing...

Okay now I know this song that just begun... it's Scared to be Lonely... oh my god it's exactly how I'm feeling about my future.... because yeah... I'm always... I'll always be lonely... no matter what.... I'll be lonely. Ace and without any focus.

My parends just put me in this world that was supposed to be wonderful, full of promises but...

LOL.... I'm just so lost in this world... nothing just matter enough to just be...

I love whiskey...

I love alcohol... it makes you so honest about everything... people like to talk when they are drunk. They want to share. It like a key to unlock everything that has been kept inside your own world.

My world is full of bullshit. Bullshit that I fullfill to entertain myself or I would just kill myself. Yeah... I'm not scared to write it... Bullshit save me everytime I try to live. How the fuck am I supposed to fall asleep when I don't know what is going on with my life other wise ?

Otherwise ??

I don't know damn it...

I don't care...

I don't care about anything except the fact that I'll still be unhappy about evertyhing.

Everything.

I'm an artist. I could play piano if I really wanted to... or play any other instrument I believe... but...

I can draw... If I really wanted to I could perfection my skill... If I really wanted to...

I could write... if my mood would allow me to. Most of the time I'm feeling depressed other every little things that make me different from everyone... even about every little things.

I think everyone think there are unique and because of that everyone isn't unique. We don't matter. We live and die like everything. We don't even fucking matter in any way. The truth is that. We won't leave a mark of our existence even if we really wanted to. And even if we do, why should it matter to anyone ? To anything ?

Damn it.

Humans.

We just assume that what we do is so very important peu importe who we are.

Assuming.... is the worst thing that could happen to us right ? Amirite ? LOL.

I'm supposed to be beautiful, I really think I am but how does it matter when I am an ace ?

I'm too sensitive...

and I love cats...

Not that even make sense... remember I'm drunk... and french. ?????

What the fuck am I even doing right now ?

I am supposed to find a job... a carrer... a purpose...

but I'm just so lost...

So drunk. So french...

I think humans like to complain but maybe it's just the french ones ? Je suis tellement stupide.

Don't tell me what to do... and don't tell me what to say... you don't own me...

Don't put me on display...

Well.... yeah I'm drunk...

Just let me be myself that's all I ask of you... I'm young and I love to be young, I'm free and I love to be free...

Damn it... I love music, I love music... you can so relate to this.... even though it's not really specific most of the time. Singer won't be too personnal about their lyrics or people won't find them so like them ? Is that even english what I am saying ?

Can love myself No I don't need anybody else...

Fuck I'm so screwed.

I just want to throw everything away even though most of those things aren't even mine. I'm almost 25 and I still live with my parents and I don't have a steady job. Fuck my life. And yeah... no... don't... fuck me lol.

I'm so funny aren't I ? even though I'm depressed/depressive... I can still be so funny...

ha. ha.

Il est 17h28, je suis toujours un peu saoule. Je me suis déplacée sur le balcon comme si être là allait changer quelque chose à mes émotions. Je suis... screwed, fucked up. Je n'arrive pas à trouver mes mots en français... je suis stupide.

I feel so alienated. Most of the time I'm just breathing. I qneg d d xddd gnd f ,

I can't even see the keyborad anymore. Yes I feel not human anymore... not since I grew up. Since I got judgment. Since I've become an adult. Since I realised I was an ace.

The point of being seems to work, found your own familly, grow old and die... but what if you don't want to have children ? What if you're an ace who don't even want an emotional partner ? What if you don't know what you want to be ? What if you're unemployed and don't know what work you want to do ?

I'm almost 25 damn it... my mom was a mother... my father was an electrician or a plumber or whatever... I'm not any of those and never will be...

At this rate I will never be.

I will never be anything.

#wtf am i saying? #english #french #drunk #drunk thoughts #25 #screwed #fucked up #thoughts #angry about everything #life #shout to the void

[theuniversebeyondtherain]

Tagged again !!

So, here we go again !! Thank you at the amazing @amarynthian-fortress for tagging me !! <3 <3

APPEARANCE:

I am 165 cm

I wear blue glasses

No tattoos either, but I think they are cute.

I just have my ears pierced

I am a blondie.

With blue eyes

I have short hair, I was so fed up with my long hair that I cut them ^^

I don’t have braces.

Hum... If I could I’d change my size

PERSONALITY:

I am a proud Hufflepuff. I’m a bit shy but I’m very talkative. I also love cuteness and some romances, even if I like when something dark happens. I love to learn and study the psychological performance of humans.

I love meeting new people and I’d do anything for my friends and my family.

I simply adore litterature and history. Also, writing is really an important part of my life.

I want to live in a quiet place, maybe in Liguria (Italy) or in Britain in a Hobbit hole where I can write all I want ad live a quiet life. Or I’d want to earn a house in Niagara on the Lake (Canada, Ontario) and do some guest house.

I don’t like conflicts, and as @amarynthian-fortress said, “I have recently become very apolitical" BEcause seriously, have you seen the shit going on in the US or in France ? It’s just an awfull mess.

I wish to have the ghosts of Ramses II, François I and Machiavel around me, it would be so funny !! Speaking psychology and war tactics, and we would plan the world conquest together, I would feed them with cookies.

I think we have to laugh about everything, it’s the only way to de-dramatize things and to keep living.

ABILITY:

I can sing almost everything, I have four octaves

I speak several languages.

I I love writing.

I think I finally found a place where I’d feel at home : libraries (even if I prefer litteratures bookshop than Comics bookshop, I know more about novels).

I have a good memory, can read something and remember it for several years (it really helps me when my studies), and I also have a very good oral memory.

I will see something sexual in everything you’ll say, unfortunately.

It’s really hard to make me angry, I would normally flee conflicts, but sometimes, I just explode.

HOBBIES:

Writing, reading, listening to music, singing, cooking....

Surviving school took me alsmot all my time so I didn’t have a lot of hobbies during the last years.

I love to write or to just lay there petting my cat. 

I write stories that I wish to publish one day, but I won’t say more, it shall remain a mystery for a bit longer.

I enjoy hanging out with friends and travelling.

EXPERIENCES:

I traveled a lot with my family when I was younger, which makes me  already set a foot on three continents.

I lived i Luxembourg all my life but I am half french, half luxemburgish and a bit german (let’s not talk about the belgian and the russish part of my familly, seriously it’ juste a mess xD). I also go to the french school where I learned 5 languages... Sometimes, it’s a really long story to tell.

I’ve never been in holiday camps ever, but I did some schooltrips (most of them were horrible)

My friends and I were making stupid jokes everytime we are at a movie (even today, while watching Ghost in the shell,a stranger told my friend @snarky-goldfish to shut the fuck up, because we were talking too much xD) 

I often go to some concerts (Mostly metal or rock) and my mom loves to come with me.

I have studied Latin at school and i FUCKING HATE IT !!!!!!!!!

RELATIONSHIP:

I’m single.

I had two other relationships but they were really to remember, especially the last one (I’ll never go out with an Italian guy again if he’s so in love with his Mom, seriously, it was a misery)

MY LIFE:

Hmmmm, YHI DID I GREW UP ??????

I had to wait to be 17/18 yo to finally have a really good relationship with my parents.

I am an only child, no siblings, alas.

I live in Brussels.

My cat stayed in Luxembourg with my Mom but I miss him soo much !!! T_T

I possess many books, and I cannot stop getting new ones, just like @amarynthian-fortress said

I always sleep with tons of plushes, it’s so fluffy !!!

RANDOM SHIT

I always love the Evil guys in the movies... I cried when Godzilla died, same for the big mean Dragon in The Reign of Fire... But the one I really love is Loki (maybe because of Tom Hiddleston seriously he’s so beautiful)... But anyway, I think I may have a Slytherin part in my Hufflepuff heart,

I loved the new Beauty and the Beast movie, it was so beautiful, even if I cried at the end like a baby.

Hmmmm, I like cats !!!!!!!

I love blue, every shades of it. I also have to waer something bue everyday, that’s why I have blue glasses. It keeps me luck. That’s also the reason why after my car accident, I get a new turquoise car, to keep me safe and it also helped me to drive again.

I want Peter Jackson to do the Silmarillion !!!!!!!!!!

I still sometimes listen to Tokio Hotel’s song, don’t judge me, it helped me a lot when I was a tenn and it still sometimes cheer me up.

Alright, I tag@snarky-goldfish @oh-eren-my-eren @le-rire-des-etoiles @thesniffler @justmykindofstupid @roxas-j-frost @asknewt @newtscamanderdaily @stilessderek @like-a-bucky @stereden

#send me asks #tag #tagged #tagged again #tag game #ask me questions #ask me anything #asks #this one was hard #questions about me #so much about me #SO MUCH QUESTIONS #personal #about me #all about #random asks #random as hell #personnal

[chalitempha]

OC/Kai fanfic Closure

                  Here I am sitting in front of my laptop. My room is a little colder than normal, maybe it's just me. I crushed my phone and locked my door. Now is the time to stop runnig away from my past. I'm a little tipsy but my mind is clear enougth to see my keyboard and the word page on my screen. I need to learn from my memories, from all the wrong and good choices I made, what it could have been and what it was. I'll write everything in a vain attempt to keep these memories forever and I don't want to forget... I'm afraid to do the same error as in the past. I stared at my wrists, the little scars fading across the pale skin, then at my fingers, they looked weird from all the nail bitting, an habbit I picked up from him, it's weird thinking I'm tiping my story starting from so far back .

Bakc then, I was still weirded out by all the new things going on all around me. It had been weeks since we started high school, and I was always alone, you know not popular and lonely. I didn't even try to get along with the poeple in my classes but well it's hard to fit in when all the groups are already made even more so when you're like me, I kinda through they would come talk to me you know? I'm shy... Whatever, I quit my old middle school for this high school where was my older brother and since I missed some of the first days (because I’m dumb and thought it was a few days later), it was too late to make friends. Well it's true I didn't like being this way but it was still better than being bullied, perhaps I was blessed to be ignored at first. Well I didn't stay alone too long since about three weeks later I was suddently inside a group, some "bad influence" they would say but they really weren't. Just a bunch of depressed teens burrying their issues under alcool, weed and cigarettes; it's really something you see everywere around here. Of course I had never seen people like that before but it was just because all my life untill then, I was in a private catholic establishment, and it really does explain everything.

Did I say I admired my brother? Junmyeon-hyung had always been my role model,he's much more out going and handsome than me! I'm so lucky to have such a brother who accepted me for who I was. I'm bisexual and I've known that since middle schools days, you know my mother was really open minded and very supportive of me; she even tried to talk to my father for me. But he didn't want a daugther like that and I never really got to talk with him and ever since we had some big arguments about it, the type where hurtful words are trown in every directions ending with us being a eatch other throats. My brother was the one who aways stoped us. I'm kinda weak but I'd never say it out loud. I couldn't help but be jealous of my brother when they went out, jealous of the perfect father-son relationship they had. But I would never hate my father or my brother. I hope one day my father will accept me and for now my mother and brother are enough.

It was at our third classe of biologie when he first talked to me, the teacher had warned us to take our blouse for today. Looking down a the sprailed corps of some sort of frog waiting to be cut. I took a thin blade and started poking it inside the flesh of the little animal's stomach. I didn't even know what I was doing and the boy rigth next to me started laughing... I was then startled by the one behind me when he lightly tapped my shoulder. It may have been the first human contact (other than family) I had in weeks to be honest . He was a little short but still  taller than me and he smelled like he had just smoked even through his face screamed innocence. Then, as if I didn't have a tiny embarassing heart attack, he explained me the 'how to' do what the teacher asked without having to make the frog into the mess I wasn't aware I caused. He finished with a smirk on his face making him looking a tad arrogant... Way to make someone feel stupid...

"If you're so good you should be surgeon, must be funny cuting open people as a job." I said to him half serious half joking. Then I may have sent him a death glare because, well, he annoyed me. My pride kicked in every so often making me very hard to talk to. Must be why I didn't have friends. Then again, I'm probably asociable by nature.

"Wow, you really sounded like a psyco you know?" then he bursted laughing. He was a funny felow. I was mildly surprised at the outburst and my eyes probably went wide making him laugth even more. His laughter was infectuous, so obviously, I followed his example and laugthed with him. We made small talks over the dead frog between us untill the end of the class.

He was called Kai, well that's what he told me, in reality his name was Jongin but he think Kai is cooler. It's the type of guy you don't see everywhere. You meet someone like him only once in a lifetime then you do your best to never forget. He looked like the average popular kid at first sight, really, you wouldn't know his mind is like a fucking death trap or a maze at best if you only saw his cute perfect face... and he's more of a nerd than a popular kid really.

After biologie he presented me to his friend Yifan, a tall guy ,a really tall guy well if that count as presenting when you scream I JUST MET THIS GIRL AND SHE'S A PSYCOPATH COME HERE in a corridor between two classes... Only then he remembered that of course he hadn't asked my name... Or maybe he did remember but  just didn't care?

Kay surprisingly took interest in me in an experimental way. I just went with it. What could possibly go wrong ? haha. Soon we started to get closer and he pushed me inside his group of friends he already knew from middle school. In the circle there was Yifan and Baekyun alias the tall and the smart one ( I just found him anoying, he's a little bit of a smartass) they were also in our class wich made me happy, then there was 'Xiumin' everyone called him that, so much that I forgot his real name,after him came Yixing, Luhan, and 'Channie' his name was Chanyeol but it was fun calling him Channie so we settled for that name and to be true to myself I found him really attractive. The problem was that this group was only composed by guys. With me being the only girl in there... I went thourgh hell in my last town, every days people would give me dirty looks, call me by harsh words behind my back, trow things at me and mostly ignore my existence hence the reason why I had to change high school. It hurt to be judged by hyppocrite and it was still okay. But since here no one knows, it can't be helped and I wouldn't be held responsible for hidding that tiny detail.

I didn't have any idea how long I could keep the lie going but I was willing to do so for has long as I could. But of course life is a bitch. I was starting to fall for Channie, he was straight and was already in a long distance relationship with some  2 years older girl so I knew he was out of reach and maybe, just maybe that's why I fell for him. Maybe I believed it could stay something innocent and I through I knew how to controle myself... Back then I was rather naive I never really loved anyone just tiny crush here and there. It was like I lived in a cocoon all these years, I mean I had never smoked, drank or skiped classes voluntarily and I didn't go out since I didn't have friends, in short my world wasn't much more than my familly, the classes and the bullying. But I mastered the skill of fake smiles and hadn't cried ever since my only friend Tito (my hamster) died by the start of middle school.

So shocked is a weak word to define how I felt when I first came to this new high school. Everyone was smoking and I could tell it wasn't just cigarettes. Everyone were in front of the gates making little groups, blocking the way and puffing on their stick of cancer. And I can't even describe how I felt when I spotted my own brother smoking within one of those small groups!  He told me it was okay that he didn't smoke that mutch and to keep it secret from our parents. I did just that but not without a long sermon about the bad side of smoking and the risks. After a few months I came to an understanding, here smoking meant having a social life. Even the one who didn't smoke carried a lighter just to lit others peoples cigarettes. Smoking became the norm since they were way fewer people who didn't than people who did. I started smoking weed but only during parties and when Kai wasn't watching, he didn't want me to smoke.

Kai seemed to think I didn't know shit about the world and that I was the happiest person alive. I couldn't have denied that I was enjoying the time we spend together because It became the happiest time of my life. He made me think I wouldn't be able to live without him. But did he want to make me feel that way ? I still wonder, maybe it was just me who needed him all along. That wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, everything he and his friends did made me more and more atracted, but the way they smoked all the time was making me worried over their health, they used to hug me to make me shut up. I swear to god they smoked at least two packs a day. But the way he was with me was different from how he was with his friends, he made me feel like I was so special, so much more important to him. He made me believe I was the only one he could trust.

I would always tell him to stop smoking and that it was bad for his health and I guess we did argue a lot about that. He never listened to me, told me it wasn't my buisness, that I should mind my own and leave him the fuck alone. After four months I stopped nagging him. I knew why he was wasting his life away. He told me. Even if I couln'd understand, even if it didn't make sense to me. He trusted me. Only me.

Because he was broken. He was a sad depressed fuck ruined by his mind and his family. Every week he went to see a psychologue and went to the tribunal. His father his a fucker who left his mother after cheating on her, leaving her with him, his little brother, 5 years younger with autism; and no money to help. But fuck it. His mother broke down. She's a druggie who won't even give two flying fuck about her sons. Of course he's too young to be alowed to do anything. But the thing is that he doesn't fucking care. He tried to kill his father and threatened him with a knife which is why he goes to the tribunal every week, which is why keep bitting his fingers untill they bleed, which is why he smoke untill his lungs burn and his troath is raw screaming at him, making him forget about the world for just a little while. And that's why I don't tell him to stop anymore. Even through it hurt me to see him wither away. Because I can't do anything. If only I knew how to save Kai, if only.

I was happy, happy to know him, happy but so, oh so scared to lose it all... Once he said to me "What esle is there to do but to enjoy what we have now?" It was like he already knew how everything was going to end and he couldn't have been more right. Nothing last forever I knew but still hoped for more. And I shouldn't have because all I did was mistakes.

The last thing he told me was "I knew it wouldn't last. But this was faster than expected."

He died too soon and he killed me in the process.

I still don't what could have been done, where was the mistakes. No mather how much I search for it, nothing.

Maybe it's time for me to understand there are some things you can't do anything about. It wasn't my fault.

Everyday like a mantra I keep telling myself it wasn't my fault.

#kim jongin #fanfic #exo fanfiction #kim kai #exo angst #angst

[kutee-boutique-fan-blog]

Addams Family On Wednesdays We Wear Black Shirt

Do you love it? https://kuteeboutique.com/shop/addams-family-wednesdays-wear-black-shirt/

Addams Family On Wednesdays We Wear Black Shirt

Coolest opening theme and the Addams Family On Wednesdays We Wear Black Shirt makes it! But I liked BOTH Addams & Munsters! One was a bunch of weirdos who looked ‘normal’ (except for a hairy cousin and a hand in a box); the other was a ‘normal’ family who just happened to be monsters (and had a pet dragon in the staircase…). Fun tv all around!!

Addams Family On Wednesdays We Wear Black Shirt, Hoodie, Sweater, Ladies T-Shirt

Addams Family Wednesdays Wear Black Hoodie

My favorite is when they replaced Lurch with a robot.the last scene shows Lurch with a huge pipe wrench saying the robot “resigned “. I wish I could.. A local station here in NH just dropped Antenna TV because the station was sold…boo hoo. Them, the Munsters and Beaver are still great. Throw Green Acres and F Troop in that group too.

Addams Family Wednesdays Wear Black Sweat Shirt

Oh god im in algeria but when i see addams familly pictures and listening music of addams familly pugsley scavunter dnes game i cry i hope to visit home of addams familly best memories ever im crying now thx addams familly.  I loves you to pieces and most of the time I’m pretty happy we never succeeded at offing each other .

Addams Family Wednesdays Wear Black Ladies Tee

Addams Family On Wednesdays We Wear Black Shirt, V-Neck, Tank-Top, Long Sleeve T-Shirt

Addams Family Wednesdays Wear Black V Neck

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.”

Addams Family Wednesdays Wear Black Tank Top

My all time favorite Thanksgiving movie. Tell me again why we can’t do this to real life bullies? Not actually hurt them per say, just a little scare to get the act right genes activated!!!!  I watch this clip every year. This year I showed it to the middle school kids I teach so we could talk about stereotyping and misconceptions and they were really into it.

Addams Family Wednesdays Wear Black Longsleeve

I like this part in the movie its funny as Addams Family On Wednesdays We Wear Black Shirt is how native americans get revenge on the white man. Funny how loud the opponents of equality usually have the most to hide. Then they get found out of their dirty secrets. These are the people you should be watching closely.

[leend0-blog]

Chapter 12588

… dot dot dot … I still don’t know what would be the psychological explanation of always using the famous continuous dots at the end of most sentences…

This is one of many mes…

I’m warning you potential lone reader, this going to be boring, sad/negative, and revealing. Mostly to myself, I have this tingling sensation that finally speaking out loud the truths hidden inside might do something to me because believe me, I’ve tried everything with not much success.

… I’m trying to find success not acknowledge of success but the fruits of success but when society and who I am seems to clash on every turn.

Millennial Of colour Gay Broke Aprofessional Ashape Abeatiful … …

I’m also inconsistent but that didn’t make into the list as it’s not generally affect by the outer world or at least not directly affected.

There’s also a good chance of broken thoughts and ideas, I think I think too fast sometimes and in between typing in, my inconsistency, lack of memory and impatience that line loses its context, it’s life.

What is the cause of my millennial unsuccess? The funny thing is I don’t want millennial success I won’t old school success… I love modern things, I’m not a vintage type of person, not on my core. I live a pretty modern life, a limbo life… I love old values but hate old views.

Yes, I’m confusing. Let’s touch the first object not the most complex but potentially the second most complex. Being gay… I’m starting by values and the conflicts it had brought into my life living my sexual being in a limbo. I think because I have quite old parents for my age I ended up surround by even older grandparents and older relatives I absorbed a lot of old values (not views) of life. I’ve always seen myself in this old 1950 sort of family environment, dad goes to work provides mom’s at home making sure the family is run smoothly. But not in a sexist way as my parents are Latin and as one knows or at least it was well known in my household the mother wear the trousers inside the house and consequently/discretely outside. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, I’m saying this is what I see as a family balance and to prove my point I’ve always seen myself as that strong female role. Here’s my limbo. How many gays out there live this truth, if that’s what their heart desire? I don’t believe many of us want that nor live it. I’m also not taking about an exact mid century familly life. I’ve always worked and I’d still have an outside home life but so many things is in between me and my valued filled family life.

But what do I mean by values?

I think the answer to that will be in every comment I make in every desire I wish in every atom within me.

Values are personal with a level of cultural. This equation varies from person to person. Some people give more importance to cultural than the ones installed in them. I believe I am in a limbo, I have a lot of family values and society values. But common sense made in revaluate everything and find what’s right for me. But that has turned me into an outcast, bizarre, unusual, soulmateless.

I want to find a fancy way to pause this though and get on with my day until I’m back here to express so new default. But there’s no better vway to say say “see you later” than just smiling as it leaves you with no commitment of actually seeing you later…. 😊

#life #values #gay #old school

[thesadsquad]

letter to my entourage

sometime i get so fuckign annoyed with my friend... they think they are so much better than me and its starting to actually get to me because for real, DO they think that i have a good life, they never take news on how my familly life is doing they dont seem to understand that i still get yelled at at least once a week because my mother think my acnee is ugly or that my hair is too short, i am getting too tired of being called uggly by her and even when i ask her to stop she continueor that i work to much, they dont seems to remember that my parent disaproove of me going into the nursing field instead of medecine and that when my mother learned she threw my laptop batterie ( not the charger the fucking computer part) in the snow outside and i had to sneak out to find it, they dont remember that I AM the one in charge of saying for my school book ,school fee, my driver license, my medical and dental bill when they can relax and while their parents pay for fucking everything they own... yes they work and they are great for doing so i admire them and good for them itll help them later in life but WE CANNOT COMPARE OUR SITUATIONS I hate when people look down on me but i have no fucking clue on how im supposed to tell them cause they will get butt hurt and be like “ but our program is harder” no you fuckface all program are hard it depends on your perception, stop trying to sound like you are the only one having strugle and ho fuck do not get me started on this bullshit about having too much shit to do cause my man this is not true. If i can figure out a way to work 25 hrs a week plus full times school plus time for my practice and my study group that whithout counting the time i spent on homework I AM UP TILL 1 AM EVERYNIGH AND I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 6 AND GO ON WITH MY DAY and i do that not because i spent to much time watching my stupid fucking show but because i was doing school related shit because i trully have no other time cause i am putting effort in our relation ships before you guys move awya but no for fuck sake you cannot make the tinniest effort you would be to MOTHERFUCKING answer my messages and just let me talk to you and it annoys me so much cause i am seeing everyone move on and i am stuck here being sad and fucking stressed and trying to still figure out shit cause im still living with my fucking mother and if any of you had actually took time to listen to my sotry you would understand that SHE IS MY ABUSER that until i was 15 i was beaten by her a lot .... it wasnt the fall from the ropw that broke my ribs it was my mother kicking me after throwing me on the floor... and who the fuck actually believe my story about breaking my nose while falling down, it was when she punched me in the face cause she had drank too much, drinking to much which is a thing you dont need to fucking throw in my face for fuck sake.AND PLS PLS PEOPLE STOP FINDING IT FUNNY HOW I GET SCARED OF BIG SOUNDS i can control my hand reflex now so i dont protect my face everytime someone lift their arms near me but for fuck sake loud sounds scare me the fuck out cause i can still hear my mother screaming my name... that god awefull sound she makes right before she gets mad at me... i can still hear it sometime when im in school or at work it is terrifying. I CANT STAY ALONE LIKE THAT I HATE IT SO MUCH 

why do i make so much effort.... i make food that i know you guys would like even tho i find it not hella good, i bring special tea for you when i can, you could call me in the middle of the fucking night and i will come for you but when i need some friend time you always all fucking bail on me and i hate being the filler friend I HATE IT SO MUCH you dont understand i am so fucking alone and fighting so hard to do the bare minimum and i look for all of your approoves cause i do not have any coming from anyone 

no one is praising me all the time and making compliment to try to make me feel good....seriously why dont you guys be more nice and more supportive of everyone  because we dont all have parents that think that we are intelligent or have potential  and even if the supportive parents doesnt apply to all of my fucking friend it sill applies to some of you who do not seem to comprenhende of to see that someone is desperate from approval 

thats basically all i have to say im am really tired and sad and i know we all have shit going on in our life but if i can make time for you guys you should be able to do the same for me 

if you read it all just let me vent ok... i need it and i cant do it outloud cause im pannicking when i have to talk about shit and dont take it too personnal