#also: he may or may not have picked up a lil smoking habit from the student's older sibling who he had a smol crush on n was eager to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

husbandohunter · 3 years

Note

A Furry Predicament, but reversed (Reader turns into a cat)? Pretty please with a sweet lil cherry on top? (I recently stumbled across your blog and may I just say that I absolutely adore your works??) Thank youu and take care~~

A Furrier Predicatment [Genshin x Cat!Reader]

♤♡◇♧☆

Synopsis: It's your turn to be a cat after this incident.

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Xiao, Albedo, Zhongli, Childe, Venti

(A/n): Ah you did OwO that's very sweet of you. It's alot of fun to write, especially when your imagination is stunted and you just gotta spit out something silly.

=======================

[Diluc]

Any beloved pet owned by Master Diluc would be under the most high quality and meticulous treatement. Mostly for cats since they tend to be calm while elegant...to some extent. If they were dogs then he'll ensure that they also serve as a partner for sniffing out trouble such as a certain bard who'd might've sneaked into the wine cellars. But you weren't either, so to say, you were both a beloved AND a cat.

As he picks you up gently into his arms, Diluc would be a little baffled on what to do next. He has no idea how to care for delicate creatures as he never had one (other than a pet tortoise but that's different) in which he needed to look for help. But who? The staff? Certainly not, no one can find out that his partner turned into a pet (imagine all the scandals he'll be in). Jean? Anything but the knights of Favonius. And most certainly not his brother.

So Diluc ends up figuring everything out by himself (old habits die hard). All the sweets and regular meals you craved were no long in your menu, you were forced to have a proper cat diet because he believed it was healthier. Half of the time he has no idea what he's doing, since you were a cat and all you could do was "meow" (which Diluc forgets. He tries to have a mundane conversation until you stare at him with feline eyes. That was when he remembered).

"What would you like for tonight's dinner, my love?"

"Meow." He has alot to learn.

Though Master Diluc often gets very tired and he attempts to take a quick nap before killing himself over the next set of duties. That is, until you could help it. Being a cat has it's furry and comfy advantages. So you leapt up to the bed as quietly as possible and onto the side of your lover, circling a few times to see if he was really asleep. When he was you snuggled close to keep him warm, hoping it would lull him into a rest even deeper. He slept like a baby.

~xx~

[Kaeya]

If the Cavalry Capatain were to own a pet, they would either be charmed by him or snaring their teeth because of his unreadable and suspicious aura. Animal instincts are quite powerful. But your case wasn't the latter, thankfully and he could feel himself growing fond of this new found relationship. Almost. What should he do with you now that you're a cat, Kaeya wonders.

Belly rubs and a lot of them. He absolutely adores the way your cute little nose scrunches up while he runs his fingers on the center of your tummy (though he knows when to stop, Kaeya is rather gentle with you nowadays). You found that he absolutely adores the shape of your nose, would pick you up and boop yours with his own somehow knows how to be his flirty self despite your unusual form.

There was this one incident where you saw something shiny flashing over the wall. Slowly you followed it as the bright dot moved futher and further away, evetually gaining speed. Little did you know it was Kaeya who was watching you swipe your little paws up and down against the wall while he was just cleaning his sword. How could he help it? You were often so headstrong and independent, now you were just an adorable little kitten that loves to play with yarn and shiny things. It backfired him though, now there were a bunch of scratchmarks marring the surfaces (which he had to pay for repairs).

Takes you out to Windrise so that you could get some fresh air (also for you to find somewhere else to shed your fur other than his humble abode). Kaeya sits back under a tree while you either chase a butterfly or start slapping against the dandelions (only sneeze when they fly into your face). He wasn't sure if you were aware of what you were doing right now, if you were then he'll have lots of things to talk about once you turn back into human. If not, then at least he had the opportunity to witness such a soft side coming from you.

~xx~

[Xiao]

If any animal were to go close towards the adeptus, they would run away. Xiao isn't very good at interacting with others, pets included, usually they would run into the alleyway or hide around the legs of their owners while he glaringly, blankly stares at them (Even though he wouldn't admit it, Xiao thinks to himself, how soft is cat fur?) Now he gets to touch your cat form and turns out that fur is very ticklish yet pleasant against his skin.

Would be the most awkward conversationalist, the poor yaksha was already terrible with his words (often coming out harsh so he prefers to either keep away or say nothing at all) and even with you sometimes, now it was almost impossible to communicate. Xiao is not very good at reading a cat's body language. When you want him to hold you again, you'd walk in circles. He assumes you were hungry and leaps out the window to go fetch some fish...for the nth time there was a pile of raw salmon stacking upon the floor. Xiao thinks that maybe salmon species weren't to your liking, hence he does out to find another one.

As he plays his flute, you'd magically doze off on his lap. (There was one thing that you both can communicate with at last). Slowly but surely, he comes to learn the different gestures you make for certain situations. You often rub yourself upon his leg which he had heard to be a cat's way of claiming their territory. That was when Xiao picks you up, FINALLY. Though the real reason why it took him this long was because he was hesitant to hold you. He never really held a pet so naturally he has no idea how to hold a cat. Ends up cradling you in his arms because it seemed to be a safer option <3

"I never thought I'd be able to hold you like this," Xiao softly says to your lazy form, observing the way your ears perked up at the sound of his voice, "But I...forget it. We can stay like this for the time being, if you'd like. If not, that's fine too."

You stay.

~xx~

[Albedo]

The only pets Albedo had were for his alchemic experiments (plus they were put in cages too). Fact be told, he would make a terrible pet owner with the lifestyle he has now. The alchemist would be so absorbent into his work that he'll most likely forget that he has someone to feed and by the time he realized it, they would have already starved to death. After hearing glass bottles crashing to the floor, Albedo bursts into the rooms as the smoke fills it completely, finding a cat lost between it. The cat was you. He knows because he made the potions.

Sometimes he'd a little too scientific for his own good. Albedo assumed that when you turned into a cat, you've gone into cat mode and ends up treating you as such. "No, don't go near any bodies of water. You wouldn't like it." He almost forgets that you were once human which is very much like him if you had to be honest. Though when he does find out that you still carried human traits, Albedo must find ways to adapt things to your liking.

He makes your food himself. He's not a cook but he sure is good at everything he does, even if it's something he never did before. This goes for other areas too such as the size of your bed, if you need a little couch to stay on or maybe some tools to play around. (The only time when he is a good pet owner). In his sketchbook he'd have a bunch of blueprints and contraptions of what to make next. There's something enjoyable when spoiling you, those little reactions when you're pleased, like the twitch of your whiskers or the lift of your tail. Albedo finds is very cute.

On top of all that, he could also make you a potion to turn you back into normal. It seemed that it was the last thing he thought of on the list. Albedo was too occupied with treating you like a cat that it all flew over his head until now. Time flies when you're having fun.

~xx~

[Zhongli]

Unlike Albedo, anyone who has Zhongli as a pet owner would be considered to be a very lucky animal. He radiates a calm and serene aura that gives the perfect environment to have infinite nap times. People look at this man and wonder why his pet never gives him any trouble, especially when cats were considered to be both fiesty and needy. But they just didn't know that the cat was you (not like it would make a difference, any animal would know that Zhongli was no ordinary man).

How on earth does he know what you're saying? Maybe it's because he was once an archon. You could meow and he knows exactly what you would like to snack on. You could tilt your head, he takes it that you were curious on what he was currently doing (which was exactly what you were wondering), you can say nothing at all yet as if he could read your mind, Zhongli comes over to pet you with his gloved hands.

"How can I tell? Indeed it is because you're my lover, of course. Throughout this time we spent together, I've come to learn the way you speak through your eyes. They seem to hold true no matter what form you take. It's rather comforting."

Though there were many moments where you sneak up behind Zhongli. His hair, his ponytail- so long. Must play with. As you jump up and down with his thin strand swings side to side, it'll take a few seconds for him to decipher what your were doing. The minute he turns around he catches you with his hands midair and laughs heartfully. Cats were very endearing creatures.

~xx~

[Childe]

Back home in Snezhnaya, Childe would probably have owned a dog or two. They were mostly meant for hunting purposes, big and large furry creatures with thick skin suitable to endure the harsh cold. He has dogs because cats hate him for some strange reason. They either hiss or snootly turn their backs on him, one time he picked one up as a kid but his face bleeding after the cat scratched him with their paws. But of course you wouldn't do that to him. You would never~ he was your cutie pie anyways.

He was an obnoxious hugger, not gentle at all. Childe forgets his strength as a human man and when he squeezes you tightly against his chest, you'd spike out on all ends because by the archons, you're suffocating. But it was your fault for feeling so comfy and warm! Similar to Kaeya, they're both obnoxious but Childe deemed himself to be even worse. He'd rub his face against yours, commenting on how sensitive it sways. Tonia once told him that she wanted a pet cat instead, maybe he should also bring you back to his homeland now.

Yes he would love to play with you. Bring in the cat toys...or not. This was the eleventh Fatui Harbinger, what were you thinking? Normal cat activities? Not here. He's gonna teach you how to hunt like how he taught his dogs to hunt in Snezhnaya. You gave him the most deadpanned and dissapointed look with your large feline glare. Not only was he disliked by cats but he certainly was not good with them.

Though he can take it down a notch sometimes and just indulge in relaxing activities. When there was nothing else for him to do or when he was just tired after a productive day, he'd sit by the kitchen and you on top of the table. While you yawned and leaned down for a nap, Childe plays with the small of your paws to the soft edge of your nails. If he taps your nose, your whiskers twitch. Your ears are nice, maybe he should get you a headband version once you turned back to human.

You immediately wake up when he touches your tail.

~xx~

[Venti]

Achoo!

You sometimes wonder how is it that the anemo archon was able to live through 2000 years without getting beaten up by a cat. If andrius was a large cougar than a wolf, maybe he wouldn't be an archon now. Which is why you are to stay miles far far away from him unless you want the whole of Mondstadt to be blown away by the wind.

Wears a mask (as if this were the covid19 pandemic), although it doesn't take away all his problems, at least it'll minimize it. Venti always has a box of tissues ready but you can tell by the puffiness of his eyes that he's been sneezing alot. He really tries his hardest to pitch in every once in a while when Albedo was working on a cure for you to go back to normal. Though acts as if he was quarantined by staying all the way at the other side of the room.

"Ahahaha don't mind me. It's your local bard of Mondstadt dropping by to see how things are going. I wanna make sure how long it will take for you to make the potion? Just curious!"

No hugs, cuddles or anything involving close proximity. This makes Venti very pouty and impatient. Albedo finds it very hard to concentrate with all the sniffling and sneezing that he had no choice but to kick him out. It didn't help that the location was Dragonspine, now he was sneezing even more.

1K notes · View notes

monsterfloofs · 3 years

Text

Wyrn x Reader (Anonymous Protagonist) Sfw

(A sleepy demon and a lil sassin protagonist eeeee♡♡♡♡ )

You know you could have it worse off, thank goodness you didn't have to deal with Barbeus, who was known to have a smoking hot temper, or Zelle. Zelle. He was the one who ran the medical district. You’ve heard all sorts of rumors about his workers and what insane things they were tasked to do at odd hours of the night.

But he was going to drive you crazy- You knocked on his door for what it felt like the one hundredth time this morning. "Sir? Are you awake yet? There are at least five people who have asked for you, and I have a summons here for your brother Oren-- Hello?"

Silence.

That does it, you grind your teeth, fighting with the door knob above you before storming into his room. You are met with an enchanted sky full of stars and a dreamy swirling cosmos-- no wonder this guy can sleep his life away.

Wyrn was sitting on top of his round bed, meditating peacefully. His pale blue skin almost shimmering underneath the strange sky that filled his room. The eye on the middle of his forehead opens to regard you. "Good morning," He intones with his sleepy musical voice.

"Morning?" You echo in disbelief-- "Morning was three HOURS ago!"

You grab the heavy curtains and pull them aside, sunlight flooding into the room and making his eye crinkle as it squints from the sudden burst of light.

"I'm sorry sir, but I don't think this is a good time to meditate when there is so much to do," As you talk he takes the parchment from you, his middle eye glancing over them and folding it up as you continue to talk, trying to impress the importance to him about what has been going on. He flops over on the bed and his other eyes flutter open to gaze at you. "But I'm lazy." His expression is deadpan as he watches you. Your voice catches in your throat, "Ah-" You splutter, attempting to regain your composure, flabbergasted as he blinks at you with a steady gaze and bored resolve. H-how are you supposed to respond to that???

You grumble and chew on your cheek pacing the hall as Wyrn gets ready for the day. Finally. Working with him you have felt like a babysitter at times, he could be so childish!! There was one day he dozed off in the middle of one of his own speeches! You almost hadn't realized until a hushed murmur went over the crowd. You had been frantically trying to wake him up by tugging on his pant leg behind the scenes. That was a fiasco!! You can still feel your stomach curl in on itself as you think back to it.

But the most irritating thing of all. . . was despite his lax carefree nature, he usually was paces ahead of everyone else. No matter how much he sleeps in or slacks off, he is extremely intelligent and is usually patiently waiting for everyone else to catch up. Things were usually done quickly, precisely and orderly. You couldn't place how you felt about him, your emotions ranging from pure frustration to awe. You give a drawn out exasperated sigh, there was also this nagging feeling, in the back of your head that he could read minds or something, he would smile at you like he knew some little secret-- as if you didn't have any more cause to be nervous! You shake your head, you didn't know what to think of Wyrn at all. . . he was an enigma.

Your hunch about his punctuality was correct, as soon as he left his room, those tasks you had bombarded him with were yet again all done. You squint at him suspiciously but all he offers you is a knowing smile.

"My younger brother is showcasing his flower festival today. . . would you like to accompany me after we have had our tea?"

You look up at him and frown, finding the offer strange, "Ah. . . n-no thank you, I have some things I have to do here still." You wag your finger at him pouting, "Unlike you-- I have to do things the hard way! I can't just magic my way out of doing work! Mr. Lazy!" He smiles at you good naturedly, a large hand settling on top of your head, patting you affectionately. "I am sure the work can wait, but if that is what you wish. . ."

You rub the top of your head pouting again. You don't even know why he has an assistant if he can juggle everything himself just fine. You almost wonder if it was inspired by his younger brother, who also had a human working along side of him. . . But at least they worked together and got along! You find yourself alone in the hallway, as Wyrn had left to visit his sibling. You catch your breath and sigh, crossing your arms and squinting off into the distance. You snort and huff as you busy yourself with completing your tasks. Trying to get that kind smile out of your minds eye. Just what was he up to? Asking for you to come along? You give a grin, tapping your forehead, “Jeeze. . . He was probably trying to find a way to lose me in the crowd! And then he’d just go back to napping!” You snort and roll your eyes, trying to ignore the warmth of your cheeks.

When you had the time to peek up at the clock you found that time had flown by faster than you had realized. You were hurrying to gather your things and put them away-- no doubt your boss would be back soon. You had your back bent over some papers, flipping through them as you double checked the dates, making sure they were in order You were lost in your thoughts when Wyrn calls your name. It was almost so soft you didn't hear it at first, your head snapping up in surprise as you realized he was trying to get your attention. As you look up you are greeted by a bouquet of delicate blue and white flowers. You start to say something but you end up just staring instead, looking from the flowers to the demon.

Wyrn smiles softly, a clawed hand taking yours and gently setting the flowers into your hand. "This is my thanks for putting up with me as much as you do. I know I can be frustrating at times. I shall try not to fluster you so much. . ." You feel your face go hot as he rises back to his full height and walks away. The only thing your mind vaguely comprehending at the moment was the echo of footfalls down the corridor. You blink and shift from foot to foot, staring down at the pretty arrangement of flowers.

". . . . . . . . . . . . .,"

You let your head sink, the soft petals brushing against your cheeks.

He had taken you by surprise yet again. When you think you finally have figured him out, he would find some way to surprise you with something new.

There were still days when it was the same old shenanigans, he would rise late and you would huff and fume, telling him off for being lazy. He would take your criticism gracefully, but there would be a playful glint in his eye when he would smile at you. You had never noticed that before. You found yourself being tied up in his mysteries again, he had gotten into the habit of bringing you little gifts whenever he would have to leave. He would offer for you to accompany him, but you would turn him down. You would wonder if those little gestures meant something more than kindness. You managed to snap yourself out of those daydreams! Pushing away those thoughts until the next morning, and the next.

It was morning yet again, and curtains of sunlight streamed in through the windows. Wyrn has yet to rise today, and you had the age old task to wake him. But you had a bounce in your step this morning, looking up at the bundle of blankets as you grin evily, your hands grabbing a fistful of the airy summer blankets, with all intent and purpose in your wee gremlin heart to throw it off of him and give him a rude awakening.

But alas! Your plans are thwarted. Your eyes grow wide as you are picked up and carefully settled down onto his bed. You freeze your shoulders tensing as you stare at him. Wyrn rests his hand on his cheek, smiling lovingly at you, “Good morning,” He muses in his soft musical tone. “Y-you weren’t asleep--” You splutter in horror, and he shakes his head. “That is correct.” you puff up, indignantly, “W-why--” Wyrn smiles with amusement tilting his head, “Why? I wanted to beat you at your own game.” You feel your cheeks prickle with warmth, you stammer, your expression becoming huffy. Wyrn chuckles warmly and smiles, “Besides. . . I wanted to talk to you.” You snort, “You could have just talked to me when you got up! Why do it this way?”

A clawed finger carefully sweeps a lock of hair from your forehead, “I wanted to talk to you alone. . .” he purrs softly, “I wanted to tell you. . . that I enjoy your company, and our playful banter,” You sweat inwardly, you might have felt a little too fired up at times to consider it playful. “You know. . .,” He murmurs softly, “I do not have much interest in the everyday goings on, as you very well know. I tend to keep my eyes to the stars. . . and my head in the clouds. . . but then you came along, and that changed everything.” You chance a glance in his direction, your eyebrows knitting together, “B-but why?. . .” Wyrn blinks sleepily, thinking for a moment. “There’s a lot of reasons, some that I may not be able to entirely explain in words, perhaps it is something to do with fate. That destiny has bound us together. But ever since you came. . . I wished to be a part of your world..” He laughs, “But perhaps it’s more simple, working with you, and getting to know you has been a delight. You are so energetic and animated I don’t know how you can have so much energy.”

Your heart was hammering rapid fire into your throat, and you scoot away from him. Flustered and frazzled, staring at him. “I don’t get it. . .”

“Mm?” Wyrn’s swishes back and forth lazily, “I suppose I am asking. . . in a round about way. . . if you would take me as your one and only. Or if you would consider it. . .”

Your eyes go wide, “Wh-what?” the way his pale yellow eyes stared into you made your throat tighten. “Th-that’s really corny-- you’re teasing me aren’t you?” You stammer, Wyrn frowns softly and shakes his head. “I do mean every word of it. . .” You look down and fall quiet. When you don’t respond, he starts to get up, “You do not have to feel as if you are forced to feel the same way. All I wanted to do was to tell you how I feel, and I do mean every word of it. What you choose to do with that information is entirely up to you dear one. . .”

You reach up, your hands fingers splayed. “W-wait. . .” You bite your lip, your mind hesitating for a moment before you sit up on your knees, giving him a little kiss before you fluster. Wyrn blinks slowly before he smiles. “I also. . .” You murmur slowly, “like being by your side. Even if I’ve felt frusterated at times. . .” “Frusterated?” He teases you gently, carefully nuzzling against you, “When have you ever felt that?” You grumble something softly in response and he laughs. “I shall try to be more conciderate,” He says sweetly, smiling at you as his eyes crinkle up. Carefully leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead. “I am sure there is a lot to do today, just like every other.” He sits up and stands, stretching his arms up and back as you slide off the bed. You allow yourself a shy smile and nod, “At least you are up in time for breakfast this morning. . .” Wyrn perks up and smiles. “You shall join me for morning tea then?”

You nod again, following him quietly out of his room, stifling a yawn of your own.

#monster x reader #monster x human #exophilia #fluff #sfw #demon x reader

63 notes · View notes

moral-turpitudes · 3 years

Text

Trouble Maker:

A/N: I got a lil carried away but I hope this is decent. I don’t do many headcanons lol.

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Drinking and Drug use.

Headcanon Pair: Thomas Shelby x Shelby!Sister Reader - Based off Angst Prompt #7 from my Peaky Prompts List.

Requested: Yes

Requested by: Anon (You can see the request Here)

Summary: Growing rebellious in her teenage years, Y/N embarks on a journey of defying her brother and the rest of the Shelby family. But little does she know that her actions have consequences.

Out of all the Shelby siblings, Y/N would be the one to follow the rules up until a certain point. As she’d grow older she’d notice how Ada got away with more things and how Finn would gradually be integrated into the illegal business of her older blinder brothers.

With a scornful look she’d sit through the family meetings, picking at her manicured nails as her older brother Thomas would tell her what she couldn’t do. All while giving orders to the others.

One day though, Y/N decided to challenge Tommy’s authority. Instead of nodding and going along with things, she decided with a drunken voice, racing heart, and clenched fists that she’d say no to the person she somewhat looked up to.

Her defiance would’ve started out small. If he asked her to finish filing a whole stack of papers, she’d file only half, giving herself a much needed break after looking at proposals and betting statistics all day. Then she’d make a glass of whiskey for herself, because if Finn could have some why couldn’t she?

Thomas wouldn’t really catch on at first, thinking she’d just forgotten to do half of the filing, but after one particular family meeting, he realized she was getting into more trouble than she led on.

Y/N had a habit of sneaking off with friends in the middle of the night while Polly would be sleeping. Knowing when and where Polly would go to bed and where the door key was hidden. With careful steps she’d walk through the house, holding her breath tiptoeing at certain points as she made her way to the door and then making a mad-dash outside as her friends chuckled near the streetlights.

Together they would snort cocaine and sneak smokes from people while at the Garrison, where they’d always arrive before closing. The bartender was always too tired to care. Tommy’s on-the-house rule still applying as the group sat around the bar. She had the Shelby name after all, so technically she could get a drink or 10, for free.

If the group wasn’t drinking alcohol or trying drugs, they’d wander through the night, goofing off in the fields until sunrise. But the night she defied Tommy, was also the night she was caught by Polly.

She had a feeling Y/N had been gone several nights in a row when she’d go past her room and not hear the light snoring that usually came from inside. And on that night she noticed her bed was made, never having been laid in the previous day, without a Y/N to be seen. In a panic, this caused Polly to call Thomas, waking him from an already disturbed sleep.

“She’s not here Tom. I think she’s been sneaking out. Don’t know how long but this isn’t like her.” She’d say.

“I’ll call a meeting. If she returns just bring her in.” He’d say, his voice tired and groggy.

Y/N would usually take her time, but her and her friends got carried away, so she stumbled home half-drunk on whiskey. Not realizing how late it had been.

As she opened the door, she’d see Polly standing there, her coat on and her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes staring holes through her.

“Y/N...I’m glad you’re home. We have a family meeting.” She said as the clock struck 4 in the morning.

“I...Pol...I can...explain.” She said, her head fuzzy as she made her way into her room, Polly on her heels.

“You won’t just be explaining this to me, you’ll be explaining this to the whole bloody family young lady. You’re too young and too sweet to be out in this fucking town this late...And I thought Finn would be a problem...” She said, lighting a cigarette in her doorway as Y/N rummaged around for a heavier coat.

“I’d rather sleep but whatever Tommy wants Tommy gets aye?” Y/N asked, chugging the rest of a glass of water that was near her bedside.

The ride there would be quiet and awkward, Polly periodically looking over at her youngest niece as she’d stick her drunken head out the window. The early morning air relieving the nausea she felt.

“I’ll have your neck if you throw up in this car, Y/N. I swear it.” She said.

“I’m not Pol. How much longer till we got to the bastards house?” She’d say, not knowing what the time was as the old buildings whizzed by.

“We’ll get there soon. You’re staying there.” She said.

She groaned lightly as they neared the fields leading to Arrow House. The dark brick building sending a shiver down her spine as they eventually made it to the drive way.

It was then she knew she’d fucked up. The contents from the nights shenanigans decorating the paved walkway up to the house.

Thomas stood at the door nonchalantly, with his dusty black coat over his night clothes. He usually slept with trousers on, usually neglecting to wear a shirt, but since he had unexpected company he had to look like he cared at least somewhat.

“Good morning Tommy. Are the others inside?” Polly would ask, Y/N retching loudly in the background.

“Mhmm.” He mumbled, a blank expression on his face as he flicked the last of his cigarette on the concrete steps.

Once inside and mostly recovered, Y/N would hesitantly walk into his office. The blinders all in varying night clothes and coats, their eyes puffy from being woken up at such an hour.

“Y/N, nice of you to join us.” Thomas would say. Pouring a glass of whiskey for himself, making her look away in disgust for the time being.

��Would you like to tell us where you’ve been running off to? You of all people should know better aye?” He’d ask as she sat in a chair before him.

“I just wanted to be with my friends Tom....you all get to run ‘round town at all hours with god knows who and I’m stuck in the house. Even fucking Finn gets to.” She’d say, flicking Finn off in the process.

“Aye don’t you bring me into thi-“ Finn would start to say, getting out of his chair with a furrowed brow and his face flushed in anger.

“Sit down, Finn. This isn’t your concern.” Polly snapped, leaning back in her chair. Finn sighing in the corner, rubbing his eyes.

“I’m tired of all this....this bullshit...Do this Y/N. Do that. File these papers. Don’t drink, Don’t stay out past 5. Don’t do anything that makes you happy.” She’d say mockingly.

“I don’t do that last one. You know I tell you to do those things to keep you out of trouble right? I’m trying to keep you away from the illegal business.” He’d say, lighting another cigarette.

“Well you’re doing a shit job.” She’d remark bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest as she remembered striking a small deal with a drug-runner all because of her last name. They weren’t a threat to the family, but it made her defiance all the more alluring as she scored drugs for her friends under his nose.

“Later today I want you to go to your friends and tell them you won’t be out past 8...I’m being generous.” He’d say.

“No.” Her eyes boring into him as she snapped back. Thomas would look at her then, feeling more like a parent than an older sibling at that point.

“Do you have a death wish?” He’d ask.

“Might as well.” She’d say, the alcohol making her not fear him as much this time around.

“Very well. Tomorrow, you’ll join us at the races. If you want to be like us, you’ll have to do it the hard way.” He’d say, getting up from his chair to stand near her.

“Thomas I’m not letting her watch you all kill someone.” Polly would say sternly.

“If she doesn’t want to be in the shop, there’s only one other place, Pol. Let’s just hope she remembers this later.” He’d say, teasingly blowing a cloud of smoke in Y/N’s direction as she swatted it away.

“You bastard...I’ll go, but I’m not ruining my friendships for this fucked up family.” She’d say, walking out of the room and up the stairs to the spare bedroom. Her head was starting to pound as she laid on the bed, her eyes begging for sleep to take her, even if she had to face the consequences later.

“What will you do if she doesn’t want to go Tom? She’s too sweet to be ‘round all that.” Arthur asked.

“If she can run off and drink and do drugs and talk back to us, I think she can handle a day at the races. It’ll show her the other side, Finn was like that too.” He’d say, pointing his cigarette at the young blinder.

“Oh fuck off Tom.” He’d say, almost drifting off.

“You’re both alike, should’ve expected that.” Polly remarked, noting how Y/N was a year younger than Finn, making them sickeningly similar.

After the meeting he’d excuse them all, probably telling the boys to rest up for the races and for Polly and the others to help with the legitimate business at the shop.

Not long after everyone’s departure though, he’d most likely creak the door open to the spare bedroom. An annoyed look on his face but a sense of relief washing over him as he saw his youngest sister was safe and sound. He’d sneakily put a glass of water near her despite him never drinking any himself half the time. And making sure her head was propped up enough before gently closing the door behind him.

As much as his sister was beginning to be a pain in his side, he would fight anyone in the world for her, and he could see that in her as well. She may defy his orders, but she could never defy the family completely, they just cared too damn much about her to let her go.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders headcanons #thomas shelby #Thomas shelby x sister!reader #thomas shelby x shelby!sister reader #shelby!sister reader

179 notes · View notes

littlemessyjessi · 4 years

Text

How They’d Be As Mukbangers: Harry Potter Characters

How They'd Be As YouTube Mukbangers

James: Every video has a theme. Like, I'm not even playing. Holidays? All kinda of holiday themed food. Quidditch World Cup coming up? Things inspired by the country of his favorite team. Just a random day? Everything is blue. He's that type of way.

Sirius: If a mukbanger was a thirst trap. I could easily see him really getting into. Dark background, black gloves, aesthetic as fuck and like, he doesn't even talk. He just sits there, looks hot and somehow makes eating looking incredibly sexy. And he fucking knows it. Bitch also one hundred percent rolls his eyes back when it hits his taste buds. Licks his lips and his fingers. Takes way too big of bites. Most people would say it's cringy how sexual his videos are...but everyone is secret subscribed anyway. With notifications on.

Remus: This goes one of two ways. If he's in a good mood and things are chill, he'll find a recipe, make it to the mother fucking 't' and then have a little mukbang slash review on said recipe. Nice lil chat. Sweet tol bean. Precious. If it's near the full moon there ain't none of that. Ya boy, brings in his monstrous plate of food, sits it down and just tears into like a fucking beast, no talking. Just nom nom nom. Unintentionally thirst traps and people opening talk about when Remus goes beast mode.

Peter: Candy and sweets channel! Small mukbangs with reviews from different candies from Honeydukes!

Lily: Lol, Lilypad. She ain't playing around. Her videos are planned out, edited and just generally finessed to perfection. Even had music added to it with tiny vlog segments as it's set up. It's a little pretentious but she does have a good following.

Marlene: This bitch. Fucking competitive eating queen. Tiny ass lil ho can eat you under the table, bro. Think RainaIsCrazy on YouTube. She can fucking smash. Usually does eating challenges from different resteraunts and competitions. Often, challenges Remus on his wild days. He's a beast but she still wipes the floor with him.

Dorcas: The collab. Dorcas always has good food and good company. She's all about sharing a meal with someone and talking about random things.

Alice and Frank: The couple channel. It's generally filled with so much fucking cute and the food is always tasty. It's sickening they feed each other but you also can't help but awww.

Molly Prewett/Weasley: Family recipes. Molly's channel are tried and true recipes from the Prewett family. Cook with me and tons of kitchen life hacks. Also, that woman can turn a ham sandwhich into a full course meal. Bet. Always taste tested by Daddy Weasley. Yes, I said Daddy Weasley.

Lucius Malfoy: The most pretentious fucking channel to ever exist. It's a whole fucking production that admittedly he does put a lot of work into. Somewhat thirst trappy like Sirius' but instead of just having a plain black background he goes out of his way to shove as much of his manor into. Only eats the most expensive food fucking on the planet and of course, it's prepared by House elves cause he's a twit. (Yes, I know this is Thranduil but honestly wouldn’t put it past Lucius to be this fucking pretentious.)

Severus Snape: Actually pretty solid content. His exquisite skills in potions actually made him a rather good chef. Tasteful shots, edited well with music over everything and subtitles. Simply audio for the eat portion at the end. Nothing too fancy for the background. Often just a very clean kitchen. Solid content though.

The Black Sisters: Mass chaos. Part vlog, part drama channel, half the time the food never even gets finished because of fights.

Bill Weasley: The Traveler. A lot of egyptian food. Some made by hand. Some vlogs from street food while he's out just generally doing his job. Short videos but solid. He's hot and he picks good food. It works for him.

Charlie Weasley: This extra ass bitch. He's the bitch that does all that outdoor cooking. You know what I mean. Shots in the woods, roaring fire. Lit by a precious dragon child no doubt. Dragons lounging in the background like those bitches who always have their dogs there. Yes, I'm jealous. Close up shots of him cutting things on a custom wood cutting board. Everything he makes causes your mouth to water. God damn, scarred, freckle faced bastard just gobbles it up and ends every fucking video with a wink. Charlie Weasley is the ultimate thirst trap and he fucking knows it.

Percy: Percy's channel could be epic but instead is boring as fuck. Why? Because he insist on having the most snooze worthy meals that are 'sensible' and THEN he proceeds to talk about politics. He actually had a pretty decent following of other like minded individuals but my god- politics and porridge, Percy? Really?

However, once he chills the fuck out, leaves the ministry to do something else - it’s a game changer. Brings the family on for mukbangs. Does videos with mummy weasley. Percy grows his hair out and Bill teases him for being a copy cat. Much better. Still talks politics but it’s fucking hiliarous and now the food is poppin.

Fred and George: Alright, this shit right here. Every fucking bit of it is a self promo for the shop. Meals inspired by and that would go well paired with 'this product'. Like, that's the whole thing. And then they run an add for their shop at the end featuring the product. It works for them because they're smart, they're hot and they're also wildly entertaining with their constantly sibling squabbling. But yeah. Big promo for the shop.

Ron Weasley: Honestly, out of everyone. Ron probably has the most followers and it's because he doesn't say shit while he's eating. He sits down with a massive fucking turkey. Nods at the camera and just tears it up. It's literally so satisfying. All the food is prepared by his mother. So it's obviously fantastic. ( I just had to use this gif.)

Ginny: Gin's channel is usually team building videos with the Harpies. 'Cheat Day: Vlog and Mukbang w/the Harpies' type of vibes. It's cool though and since it's a famous quidditch team the fans enjoy the behind the scenes action and actually drop all kinds of recipes for them to try in the future.

Hermione: Hermione could easily veer off into Percy's channel of misery when she gets started on her rants but mostly they're really chill videos. Mukbang and Book Review type of vibe. Or sometimes even the playing of an audio book while she does her thing. All in all, wholesome.

Harry: Lol, I swear. Fucking awkward bean. Harry's videos are literally of him making the simplest of things and being so fucking awkward. "Er, well, hi guys. So I'm about to head out for work. Running a bit late. But we're having a bit of toast and jam." Like it's literally just little videos of him eating whatever throughout the day. But of course, since he's Harry Fucking Potter- his follower count is astronomical.

Neville: Now, this boy. This boy is a goblincore gobbo's wet dream. Gardening videos with homegrown veg. Recipes from Grandmother. Have a nice Veggie Pot Pie with Professor Longbottom in the Hogwarts Greenhouse. There is a fanbase and it is huge.

Luna: Honestly, the weirdest fucking channel in the world. Like she finds the weirdest things to eat and goes from there. But Luna is bae so it's cool. Also, a thousand percent does Smoke Sesh + Mukbang videos. You know it's true.

Dean and Seamus: Literally, eating in the most crowded pubs as they visit football games around the country. Seamus will definitely pull the Irish card from time to time to have a drinking competition. He wins everytime. He may be a little dude but shit- homie can hold his own.

Cedric: Honestly, it's so fucking pure. Straight up did videos during his time at Hogwarts in the Hogwarts kitchen. Such kind little conversations with the house elves. "Hey, guys. Thanks for coming back to another video. Today we're making some really tasty biscuits. Whispy, one of the talented bakers here in the kitchens, is here to help us today so please say hello to her in the comments." He'll also always make extra and leave them in the Hufflepuff common room for everyone to enjoy. Like, it's honestly so pure and he's such a soft boi and oh my fucking geeeeeeerrrrrrdddd!!!!!

Draco: Actually takes it really seriously and put a lot of hard work into it. Nothing like his father's ego-tistical recipes. Surprisingly, every. single. recipe. is a muggle recipe. How would he know? Because he cross referenced with Granger of course. Cooks it himself. No magic. Lots of random talks. Just like a monologue of things and it gets kinda deep sometimes. Like, it's the channel to go to when you need advice that you didn't even know that you needed. Still eats incredibly proper. It's that pureblood raising of his. Old habits die hard.

Tonks: Pure chaos. "Hey, today we're having Mum's homemade lasagna and I'm also getting a new tattoo. Might dye my hair. Don't really need to since I can do this but whatever. So yeah, there's that. Like it's just all over the place and you'd think it would take but the chaos is too good not to watch. Literally gives herself beaks and snouts while she eats. It's iconic.

Dumbledore: Mother fucker just sits at his desk, stares straight into the camera and eats a lemon drop. Like a weirdo. The video usually no more than a minute and each video is just some variation of that. Meme lord.

Hagrid: Tea With Hagrid. Also, so the recipes suck, they too, but Hagrid is a peach and it's relaxing to see his gentle half giant there in his hut, pumpkin patch out the window and Fang laying by the fire. It's a mood and he's just like the comforting Dad figure.

McGonagall: Honestly the best one in the entire world. She makes a full course traditional Scottish breakfast... and then transforms into her animagus the cat...and promptly knocks it off the table. A fucking legend.

------------------------------

Please attack the ask box!

Love, Kenny

@frankie2902

@pleasantdreamqueen @becrazy–beyou

@littledeadrottinghood @blackirisposts

@therealmrshale @woodworthti666@thegreatirene@fanfictionandjunk

@angelus320

@alanlizzingtonshore@buriednurbckyrd@disneymarina@tubbypeachwriting

@sullybot @georgiagrl1990 @whenallsaidanddone

@mischiefnevermanaged94 @inumorph

@congurl

@centerhabit

@bubblymusiclover13

@qtmeryr

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@tnupsweetpie

@alisoncdariel

@hannahloveslife

@wormyboi

@blackirisposts

@maggyme13

@amethyst09

@ibenkastberg

@fanfics1717 @mrscasnovak

@thickemadame @babygirl-barnes

@theladyofmasks @aengsty

@kalliravenne

@witchygagirl

@gruffle1

@writtenbywolfie

@kribbydahhufflepuff

@leah-halliwell92

@thelastwildangel

@silent-browser

@simplymagical@simplymagicalwritings

@lilacflicker

@malulucifer

@minxyvixen

@moncheriemoony

@queenlexusloverofbts

@criminalyetminimal

Love, Kenny

62 notes · View notes

sorenskyhigh · 3 years

Note

Might be a weird request but Tendou as a protective serial killer and his s/o doesn't know. Until she comes across him in front of murder scene. Let's just say kidnapping and he probs wouldn't let me go but would I mind... No. This is a weird request...😐😑😐🤣🤣🤣

NO!!! This is not weird at all!!! Honestly I live this!!! The comedy that could ensue from this has me just wksnejekjekw

Satori Tendo As a Protective Serial Killer Boyfriend

⚠️ If it wasn't already apparent, gore, and descriptions of a panic attack

First of all, he acted a lot like 707 does in Mystic Messenger

Super funny, super flirty, and makes you laugh like crazy

But you ask him out on a date and now he's borderline rude, very cold

Satori loves you, he does

But to bring you into he dark world he lives in.....he could never

He stays near you so he can protect you, but he stays farther away

He does everything he can to make you want to leave, to not want him

You keep pushing though

You'll be damned if you're letting this one get away

You knew he had trauma, you just didn't know how deep

Tendo also doesn't kill anyone in relation to you unless it's absolutely necessary

He may be a serial killer, but he only kills people he thinks are bad and don't deserve the breath they take from everyone else

It's around 10 at night. You're walking towards your apartment building. This was a nice neighborhood, but that doesn't mean there still aren't unsavory people lurking in the shadows in the alleyways between the beautiful French architecture.

The cobblestone street under your feet click clacked as you walked on. People passing you by every once in awhile.

It was a little chilly. The wind whistled as it struggled to pass through the tight knit homes and shops. The wind complimented a full moon that shined brightly in the pitch black sky.

You avoided eye contact with anyone you passed, but you made sure to check down every alley as you passed.

A scream sounded from a backstreet further down.

Naturally you froze in your tracks. The scream had been broken off at the end but a bubbly, wet sound. Your heart beat against your ribs, very painfully. Your breath became ragged and your throat burned.

You wanted to run the otherwise, call the police, something, but what if you were the only person standing between whoever that was and death?

What if you running away could mean their demise?

Your conscience got the better of you and you started inching along the front of buildings with your back towards the brick buildings.

You checked an alley and saw nothing, so you went to the next building and checked the narrow backstreet.

You almost screamed. You honestly would have if you could get enough breath to.

There, with blood splattered all over him, a crouched Satori Tendo.

He was tending to the body. He was removing the persons fingers, the eyes and teeth already in a jar that sat next to his feet.

Tendo was singing a song in Japanese. You have no idea what he was saying, you only spoke French.

His voice sounded haunting as it resounded quietly in the space around him. Echoing off the walls of the buildings.

His breath was visible from the chill in the air, though you, you felt a different kind of chill.

The kind that ran up your spine like boney children's fingers.

The kind of chill that caused that tingling feeling all over your arms as your hairs raised on end.

The kind of chill that made you feel nauseous.

You had no idea what to do. What was someone supposed to do in this situation? You were watching someone that you loved, dearly, dismember a random person that probably did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.

A small breath finally escaped you. The smoke billowing out into the opening of the street.

You hurriedly pulled yourself back, trying not to make any noise.

All you could hear was the rapid thrumming of your heart.

Tendo switched to French so you could understand him."Now, now, now. Why did you have to go and start sneaking around. If you would have ignored his scream, you could have lived a long and fulfilling life. Probably".

His footsteps were getting louder. Your fight or flight kicked in and you jumped to your feet and started running.

Your feet smacked loudly against the stones, but yours weren't the only one. You could hear his loud and clear behind you.

As much as you wanted to think that Satori wouldn't hurt you, he did just murder and sliced someone to bits.

Your lungs burned and you could tell he was too close. Your feet hurt as you slammed them against the street. Your eyes started to water.

You stopped and turned on a dime. Tendou saw your face an stopped just short, your noses almost touching. His eyes were the ones wide with fear this time.

His hands were dripping with blood, a knife clenched in one.

You started to shake. Obviously you're scared. Who wouldn't be??? Your breath came out fast and in short, quick spurts.

Tendou very slowly and cautiously took a step back from you. His eyes had saddened as he stared into your soul.

"Call the police if you must. I refuse to hurt you, my Paradise." His words were barely above a whisper. You almost didn't catch what he said over your rapidly beating heart.

You couldn't speak, your mouth was suddenly so dry. It felt like sand had filled your senses, your lungs.

You were having a panic attack. You quickly grabbed the cloth over your chest and bent over. You couldn't get any breath and your mind couldn't focus on anything.

It happened so fast. Satori grabbing your wrist and leading you down the street with the dead person, picking up the jar full of fingers teeth, and eyes. He continued down and made many turns.

Your mind, from lack of oxygen, couldn't comprehend what was going on. Everything was so fast and so complicated. You felt dizzy. You felt even more nauseous.

He brought you to a duplex. He unlocked the door and guided you.

You could barely stand at this point. The blood; his hand covered in it.

Satori led you to his couch. Out of habit you sat down.

You don't know where he went or what he was doing. You didn't know what he would do to you. The only thing you did know was, that person's blood was on your wrist and the sleeves of your sweater. That as all you could focus on.

Your vision started to blurr and blacken out around the edge.

Everything from the wind, the creaks, the pipes; it all was so loud.

You barely noticed a how Satori cleaned the blood off your wrist. His hand was gentle and warm.

Your mind happened to think of the first time he had held your hand.

It was the first time you both had met. He had asked if he could brush a kiss across your knuckles. He said he would never touch someone, especially someone as amazing as you, without your consent.

You were being enrapt by the memory. It was calming.

His eyes had had a slight mischief and he brushed his soft lips across your fingers. His eyes has never left yours.

He then sandwich your hand between his two massive ones, leaning forward slightly so his breath would just barely dance across your skin.

"You were once shattered and then you had to use fire to melt the pieces so you could put yourself back together again, right? You're just like me."

His words that day were why you were here. His words were why you hadn't run when he gave you the chance. That day is why you were now breathing calmly on his couch as he sat on the floor on the opposite side of the room from you.

His large, ruby red eyes glistened with worry as you calmed yourself down.

Pt. 2 maybe?????? If enough people want me to continue this I will

Thank you to @thatfunnysprout for sending in another request and thank you for collaborating with me ❤

My request are currently open, don't be afraid to ask

@popcorntime-doodles @multifandombrainrot @kneecapstealingalien @akabxne @jiheonity @weareallhumans123 @smallmangi @canadian-crow @just-jellyfish @immiamarais @i-need-coffee-now-pls @foreveryoung050 @kuroos-world @luminasapphire @silverfire6 @shadowsbutdead @ghostexhibit @simpfornishinoya @goshikisimp @anothershadeofpink @mestayanon @japoga @all-around-fandoms31 @myyeetfelloff @itsallgonnabokayihope @g00s3 @boreateo @mirrorballmyfave @backalley-astrologer @vaniatslover @lil-mellow-bunbun @strawberrymakki @beelziee @mehreenlol @taiyahhh

#hot.thoughts.here #owchie

10 notes · View notes

itsaidanblack · 4 years

Text

◦ × ♛ — intro.

⌠ JACK MULHERN, 23, MALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AIDAN BLACK! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in KNIFE FIGHTING SKILLS, SWORD TRAINING, PRECISION SHOOTING, FIREARMS & SWAT TRAINING; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a sarcastic smile, the glint of silver rings, a cloud of cigarette smoke, graffiti on concrete, a flash of crimson). when it’s the (scorpio)’s birthday on 10/28/1998, they always request MOZZARELLA STICKS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ lily, 19, she/her, gmt ⍀

@gallagherintro

♛ CONNECTIONS PAGE ♛ PINTEREST ♛ ABOUT ♛ STATS ♛ BIOGRAPHY ♛ INTRO ♛

hello hello! i’m back with another child, everyone welcome my british bastard boy aidan. he’s a legacy kid who grew up filthy rich but hates his family and his upbringing, and is just lil bit of a criminal, really!

[ c h a r a c t e r ; ]

&. basics

full name: Aidan Dean Black

nicknames: Dan, Danny

age: 22

orientation: bisexual

relationship status: single

date of birth: october 28th, 1998

hometown: windsor, england

gender: cismale

language(s) spoken: English, French, German

accent: standard british

&. personality

mbti: ISTP

temperament: phlegmatic/choleric

star sign: scorpio

element: water

enneagram type: type 4, the individualist

five positive traits: perceptive, intuitive, determined, independent, resourceful

five negative traits: destructive, pessimistic, blunt, aggressive, temperamental

likes: adrenaline rushes, spray-painting graffiti, hot drinks, going out in the middle of the night, the smell of gasoline, the night sky, knives, london, skateboarding.

dislikes: formal events, his parents, the color yellow, mushrooms, prejudiced people, heavy perfume

bad habits: smoking, doing drugs, drinking

hobbies: graffiti, skateboarding, drinking, getting high, sketching

fears: never amounting to anything, enclosed spaces, heights, needles

[ s t o r y ; ]

background:

aidan grew up in a filthy rich family of spies/assassins as the youngest of six children

his siblings are all very skilled in their respective areas of espionage, and their parents were ruthless and cold towards them to ensure they focused on their training

aidan’s great grandfather was the chief of intelligence at mi5 in the 1950s, so his family has a name and an image already set for them - prim, proper, and excelling in their own unique field of espionage

aidan grew up feeling inadequate - he wasn’t as good as any of his siblings, and his parents were merciless when it came to reminding him of the fact

his siblings weren’t much help either, trained to be the best, they only made his inadequacy more obvious the older they all got

his childhood was filled with training, fancy dinners, being forced to smile and meet friends of the family even if he was bruised and battered from training earlier

aidan began to become insolent, not showing up for training or deliberately failing his homeschooling to piss off his family

his parents were outraged and decided enough was enough, sending him away to a boarding school in america when he was 12

aidan, sick of feeling like he’d never amount to anything, decided to lean into his role as the black sheep of the family

he started to use what he’d been taught against the school, sneaking out at night, graffitiing the walls, stealing things from stores all around london

he actually loved his boarding school when he first began -- enjoying being away from his family, not compared to his siblings, and studying normal subjects instead of things like ‘which artery to sever for the swiftest death’

he amassed a small group of friends, impressing them with his training and ability to break into anything, win fights against the older students, and lockpick

he was able to avoid punishment for a while, and expulsion wasn’t an option when his parents were huge benefactors of the school

so the school adapted, became more vicious in their punishments

started refusing him meals, locking him in cupboards to keep him from sneaking out

and when he started picking the locks of the cupboards, they installed heavy duty padlocks against the doors

this is where he developed his claustrophobia, from being stuck in the closet sometimes even overnight in the pitch black

these punishments eventually wore him down enough that he stopped misbehaving so intensely at the school

and when his parents gave him the ultimatum -- attend a prep school for spies, or stay at the school, he agreed to finally behave and follow his parent’s path for him

despite his misbehaviour, aidan is still very good at what he does - call it genetics, but every member of their family excels at being spies or assassins

when he graduated his prep school with top marks, despite his past bad behaviour, his parents sent him to blackthorne to continue his studies, hoping that by the time he completes college he’ll be good enough to show off, like the rest of his siblings

during his time at prep school, he began to realize that he is bisexual, and fell in love with another legacy boy

their parents, though, were both intensely disapproving of both their sexualities and the relationship itself, and broke them up right before blackthorne

aidan now has a complex about love, and more specifically, the fact that he is incapable and unworthy of actual love

his first year at blackthorne went fine, and aidan actually enjoyed began to enjoy his studies, but he never stopped misbehaving, bitter from his childhood and his parents’ tampering of his relationship

( and also possibly just for the simple joy of constantly having reports sent home about his bad behaviour )

now:

don’t get me wrong - aidan is very good at what he does.

he’s quite the talented marksman and sharpshooter, and given a knife in a fight, he’ll most likely win

even without his legacy name he would have gotten a place at gallagher

he’s a bit of a bastard, at times, and a sullen one, too -- but he doesn’t mean anyone harm

he simply likes to always be honest and says things that are probably best left unsaid

he still sneaks out at night, often, to just be alone and roam around unsupervised, a remnant of both his childhood under constant surveillance, and his time at boarding school where nights were often spent locked in a cupboard

nasty smoking habit developed while at blackthorne, as well as his habit of getting drunk and/or high whenever possible in order to let loose

( he has a very unhealthy relationship with his emotions )

he loves to graffiti, and does so often, as an outlet for his creative drive and desire to vandalize things

but, all in all, he does really like it at gallagher, and doesn’t necessarily want to get kicked out, so he makes sure he’s subtle and not too destructive

he sometimes writes with his five older siblings, although most of them are as bad as his parents - he’s the closest to oscar, his second oldest brother, and kitty, his older sister

he wears a lot of blacks and grays, and basically dresses like an e-boy, but he may or may not stab you if you bring that up

he likes to sketch, but if you tell anyone that he’ll kill you, having had it drilled into him at a young age that art is useless and for people without real talent

he carries a gray butterfly knife around with him everywhere, as it was a gift from his eldest sister for his success at prep school

[ W A N T E D C O N N E C T I O N S ; ]

not-so-friendly ― while aidan is a very charming asshole, he is still sometimes the worst, and i can see a few people he pissed off or insulted or something

partners in crime ― aidan’s a little vagabond, and loves to graffiti stuff and sneak into places he’s not meant to be, and i want some people to get into deep shit with him

family friends ― the black family is quite high-profile, what with his parents running an empire and all of his older siblings being talented spies/assassins themselves, so i can imagine there’s a lot of people at gallagher that he recognizes

blackthorne friends ― aidan went to blackthorne for a year before gallagher, so i want some people who did the transfer with him.

friends ― he may act like an asshole, but he’s a nice asshole

family ― there’s probably a few people related to him roaming around, so if you want a cousin or something let me know!

please hit me up to plot !

#intro #gallagher:intro

6 notes · View notes

dclphinedupont · 4 years

Text

*CRIES IN WITCHCRAFT*

Hello everyone! My name is Ange and this is my chaotic-good lil bean, Delphine! Phi for short. She’s the receptionist at Thane Auto and is a whole entire mess! But she means well. She likes puppies, vegetables and warding off the demonic spirits of the underworld! All in colorful corduroy.

Below you will find her hastily put together and recycled bio! Please love her!

* in character information

full character name:

delphine “phi” dupont

face claim:

lucy boynton

pronouns & sexuality:

she/her and bisexual

biography bullet points

her fondest memories were composed of moments heavy with cigarette smoke, bright purple nail-polish, the scent of burning sage and the beatles. her parents were big on that whole aesthetic, and phi loved everything about it. she remembers sitting on her father’s lap as her mother danced in the middle of their living room to “yellow submarine”, skirts swooshing against her legs, smile bright and wide against the candlelight. her father would wrap his fully tattooed arms around her and laugh full and loud and she would feel safe. she would feel loved. she would feel happy. that was home.

her parents were good people with bad habits, that was how she liked to describe them.

“keep the car door locked, phi. open it only when you see us.” her mother would tell her, hands on both sides of her face as her father jimmied the lock off the door of a particularly large house. phi would nod and smile in obedience before watching her parents tip-toe up the cobblestone pathway of other people’s homes, coming back with sacks upon sacks of shiny objects that phi wasn’t allowed to touch. then they would drive away and head home, “hey jude” playing softly on the radio.

her parents get caught when she’s around thirteen years old. she’ll never forget the look on her father’s face as he’s forced to the ground by men with guns, her mother screaming for them not to take her daughter. “she didn’t do anything! she didn’t know anything!” it echoed in her head like a broken record, throat raw as she tried to claw her way to get to them, only to have to watch them leave her behind on the back of a squad car. that was the day her world went off kilter.

she doesn’t do well in foster care. they call her ‘the runner’ because she always manages to wiggle her way past her foster guardians to visit her parents in jail. time after time, she would find them, talk to them, beg them to take her home because she didn’t like her ‘new parents’. there was always something wrong with them. they didn’t like beatles. they took away all her healing crystals. they wouldn’t let her dye her hair. “they aren’t you…” she just wanted to go home.

she gets adopted at fourteen, and she’s almost positive the walters see her as more of a pet than a daughter. they’re blonde, just like her, and she thinks they’ve adopted her mostly because she looks good with the rest of their perfectly pristine furniture. she hates them almost immediately, but they’re definitely her ticket out of foster care, so she rides it out for a while. they take her ‘home’ and they’re probably the blandest people she’s ever met. the antithesis of her true parents. her hatred for them grows, and she doesn’t even feel bad for pocketing whatever valuable item she might find.

by the time she’s eighteen, she saves up (steals) enough money to pay for a terrific lawyer for her parents. she hasn’t seen them as much as before, but god she’s so close to getting them out, getting them home. she’s sure they wouldn’t mind that it’s been only a few months since her last visit. they’ll forgive her. they always do. she makes her way to where they’re being held with high hopes and a warm heart. she leaves with mascara running down her cheeks and trembling legs, escorted by more than a few police officers, reminiscent of the day they took her parents away from her.

death penalty is legal in about thirty states. south carolina is one of them.

she runs away not too long after. she has more than enough money to get her by for a few more months, but by the time she gets to louisiana, she only has enough money to pay rent for another two. she pokes her nose into a couple of job openings, attempts to waitress for a bit (she ends up being fired on account of burning some customers with spilled coffee) and tries her hand at retail (she gets caught stealing a few earrings), before finally making her way to the front desk of an auto-shop that may grows to be her saving grace.

for the first time in a long time… she doesn’t want to run away.

her fondest memories were still heavy with cigarette smoke, and painted nails (her own, long and noisy against counter tops). they let her play the beatles and they don’t take away her sage, and things… things are good. now though, there’s the sound of loud motorcycles revving and the nose-wrinkling scent of wax. there’s nights spent guarding the door and the clinking of glasses swimming with whiskey… and it was home… it was now her home.

character traits:

( + ) eccentric - if there was one thing her parents have ingrained in her system, it was that individuality should be a pillar trait in one’s psyche. be colorful, be loud, be you. go against the grain and make sure people knew who you were while you did it. phi was more than happy to comply, of course. from her fashion, to her mannerisms, to her beliefs, there was not an inch of conformity to be found if she could help it. she enjoyed bright colors and long nails, ostentatious outfits and odd knick-knacks. also, prepare to be blessed with sage when you enter the auto-shop, she has a few rolls hidden under her plants.

( + ) charming - she flourishes at the front desk for a reason. she’s a tad bit of a talker, but surprisingly not the obnoxious kind. when you’re in foster care, you tend to meet a lot of people, take notice of their ticks and understand how to read them. because of this, she adapts herself to each person, tickling every nerve for easy charming. when asked how she does it so effortlessly, she jokes that she’s cast a spell on the free mints she gives them.

( + ) cunning - you don’t get away with stealing from your adoptive family for two years without having a little meat up in that old noggin. phi lacked many things. she wasn’t the strongest, wasn’t the best at school, wasn’t the prettiest, but if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was slither her way through situations in a very machiavellian fashion. be wary of her smile, for it holds more than mirth on many occasions.

( - ) reckless - despite her skill in evading trouble, she does little to avoid it altogether. she’s more than reckless with her decisions. she enjoys to steal when upset with someone, and she does so without thinking of the consequences. her decisions are made almost purely out of emotion and she sees no reason to change that part of herself. it gets her into more trouble than you would think, and sometimes her smile won’t get her out of it.

( - ) tactless - what gets her in trouble most of the time is her tongue. why? she can never seem to hold it. what comes into mind is exactly what she says, and it doesn’t matter who she’s talking to. whatever authority you might have, she doesn’t feel the need to put a filter, and that more than anything may lead to her demise if not careful.

( - ) manipulative - she knows how to play people, knows how to be the puppet-master when no one expects it from her. she hides behind sweet smiles and carefully picked words, and most of the time, her dirty work is done by someone else because of a quick kiss and a flutter of her eye-lashes.

#lomk:intro

3 notes · View notes

theindependentjournals · 5 years

Text

Notes on Class

-The very first time I inhaled real marijuana?- “oh……lovely..”

PRELUDE (AN OPENING REMARK:) “FAKE ASS BEACH IN MY DUMB MOFUCKING LIL BRAIN ASS HOMOEROGONEOUS ASS TWATS FAKE ASS WASTE OF MY MOFUCKING TIME. STUPID GAY SHITTY FUCK FALSE ASS HOE NIGGAS AINT NO REAL NIGGAS BUNCH A LIL BITCHES ASS WITH THEIR PROSTITUTE ASS STRIPPING FUCKING HO PIMP MURDERED FAKE ASS MORMON SHIT WIT THEM DAMN BITCH NIGGER, BITE MY THUMB BITCH. SHIT ASS BITCH MOTHERFUKIN FAKE ASS NIGGER FOLK WITH THEIR DAMN STUPID BULLSHIT LIVES THEM OLD FAGGOT ASS NIGGER. CHOKE ON A MOFUCKING BITCH ASS BITCH SHIT HOEBAG DOUCHE MONKEYS MOFUCKING CATHETAR BITCH.”

BLISS, ID THE WALKER CENTER 1-800-227-4190 ACCESS BEHAVIORAL HEALTH 208-338-4699 EVALUATOR DUSTIN LYNCH : SEVERE DRUG HABIT (3.5) NOT EVEN ONCE ORGANIZATION 12 STEP SPRITUAL RECOVERY PLAY IT FORWARD “I’M A DOCTOR, NOT A TAILOR” THE AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION (DSM-IV) DRUGS APP ON PHONE

DEB: “I DRIVE ON THESE ROADS SOMETIMES! YOU WERE PUTTING OTHER PEOPLE AT RISK!”

Alfonzo: 9 WEEKS CLEAN OFF COCAINE. TRIP OUT OF TOWN FOR 4TH OF JULY TO CABIN… JET SKIS AND POWERBOARDS. HE DOES VALIDATION WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. BELIEVES IN A HIGHER POWER. VISITED HIS DAUGHTER AND WENT TO ICE CREAM.FEELS VICTIMIZED BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE RACIST AND THINK HE WILL STEAL FROM THEM OR HARM THEM. PLAYS APP ON PHONE WHEN TRYING TO REST, “CALM.” HE HAD BEEN SOBER FOR 11 WEEKS AND 1 DAY AND THEN HE DRANK AT A FRIDAY 4TH OF JULY PARTY. HIS UA CAME BACK NEGATIVE. WAS READY TO PREPARE FOR RELAPSE.

Phillip: DRUG OF CHOICE METH AND COCAINE. WAS AWAY FOR A WHILE. STOPPED ACID 3 WEEKS AGO, HAD A REALLY HARD TIME QUITTING MARIJUANA AND ACID. IRRITABLE AND DEHYDRATED.

James: 2 WEEKS CLEAN OFF ALCOHOL AND METH. USES PATIENCE. “IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT ME.” BORN A BOY IN SPOKANE, WA. IS NOW 50. AT 2 Y.O. MOVED TO A SMALL TOWN COMMERICIAL FISHING WITH DAD. USED CRAB BOATS. “ALWAYS GONE FISHING.” HAD 4 SISTERS, 1 BROTHER. IF MOM WASN’T WORKING THEN SHE WAS DRUNK. DRANK DRANK DRANK. A LOT OF ABUSE, BUT WOULD NOT PHYSICALLY HARM THEM. DAD TOOK ONE SISTER OUT OF HOUSE TO LOOSEN THE LOAD ON MOM. THE THREE WOULD PICK ON EACH OTHER AND BECOME ISOLATED BECAUSE OF ABUSE. BREAKING WINDOWS – RUNNING – SHOOTING STUFF. DAD AND MOM FIGHT OVER ALCOHOL. STARTED WONDERING WHY SHE DRANK. WANTED TO BE LIKE MOM SO WOULD DRINK THE BEER AND REFILL WITH CREAM SODA. WANTED TO BE LIKE DAD SO WOULD STEAL CIGARETTES. SISTERS WERE SMOKING CIGARETTES AND MARIJUANA. THEN HE WAS STONED AND DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. WOULD GET HIMSELF SICK FROM LIQUOR AND ADD WATER. NOBODY KNEW IT WAS HIM, THEY KNEW THE SISTERS SMOKED MARIJUANA SO THEY BLAMED ALL ON SISTERS. HE STARTED STEALING CRAP SO HE GOT TO GO FISHING. HAD GOOD MONEY FOR BEING YOUNG. STARTED INTO COCAINE AND LOTS OF IT. HAD 30 U.A.S FOR BREAKING CURFEW AND HAD TO GO BACK AGAIN. COURTS JUST WANTED HIS WEALTHY FAMILIES MONEY. IT WAS MOSTLY “TAKE OUR MONEY AND LET US GO.” HE GOT MARRIED AND BARELY KNEW HER CAUSE HE WAS DRUNK. SHE GOT PREGNANT AND THE KID DIED OF SIDS. HE LEFT HER AND WENT ON A BENDER. 4 DUIS -> ASSAULT -> PRISON. “I HAVE A PROBLEM.” PRISON SUCKS. HE ATTENDED NO GROUPS, JUST HAD TIME. HIS DAD MOVED TO IDAHO. HE HAD NOTHING TO DO. HE STOPPED FISHING AND BEGAN USING METH. DOESN’T REMEMBER HOW HE GOT BACK INTO METH, MUST HAVE BEEN SOME FRIEND. COUPLE YEARS INTO IDAHO AND HAD TROUBLE WITH PAROLE. WENT INTO A HALFWAY HOUSE AND BAM THERE WAS METH. WAS DRINKING SO P.O. TOOK OUT OF HALFWAY HOUSE. DATED A WOMAN THERE. HAD HOUSE, CARS, GOOD LIFE, THEN TO DOING METH AGAIN. AT 18, HIS LIFE WAS LIKE MONEY, BOAT, COCAINE. IN NEWPORT, OR.

Pricsilla: 6 MONTHS CLEAN OFF METH/COCAINE/VODKA. “BEING DONE WITH WHAT I USED TO DO.” MOVED OUT OF A SHELTER AND DID A MRI BRAIN SCAN TO LOOK FOR PROBLEMS. TEMPS OF 100 MAKE HER IRRITABLE AND MOODY. SHE THINKS IT IS TOO DRY. SHE NEEDS NASAL DROPS. SHE WAS LEFT FOR DEAD IN CALIFORNIA AT 18. USING SKILLS LIKE RATIONAL THINKING AND ABSITENCE.

Blake: 3 MONTHS CLEAN OFF MARIJUANA. HAS NARCOLEPSY. USES FAMILY TO KEEP HIM FROM BLAZING. GRADUATED HEALTHY THINKING GROUP.

Paul: 9 MONTHS CLEAN OFF OPIATES & BENZOS. TRYING TO GET HIS “DUCKS IN A ROW.” HAS A HOME IN WILDER. SPENT 2 YEARS IN ICELAND. STOPPED TAKING PAIN KILLERS HE BECAME IMMUNE TO EFFECTS. -PAIN MEDS APPARENTLY ONLY ARE EFFECTIVE FOR 3 DAYS- SPENT 30 YEARS ON PAIN MEDICATIONS. SCOLIOSIS ON DISCS. SISTER TOOK HIS PILLS AWAY. SO HE WENT TO HOSPITAL. 30, 80MG A DAY. METHADONE WORKED BETTER AND WAS EASIER TO GET OFF OF. FEELING LETHARGIC. STOPPED NARCOTICS, STARTED DIAZEPAN. PERCOCETS WORKED GOOD BUT BUILT A RESISTANCE. HE WILL TAKE AGAIN BUT AT A LOWER DOSE. NO DETOX BUT TOOK 30 DAYS TO FEEL BETTER. HAVE TO GO TO DOCTOR BUT ALL THEY DO IS TAKE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE. DOCTOR DOESN’T KNOW WHERE THE PAIN IS LOCATED. NARCOTICS <- NUEROSENDERS -> CLEAN. TAKING LYRICA FOR NERVE PAIN AND VISTARIL FOR ANXIETY. CHRONIC PAIN CLASSES AND HE IS A SURGICAL CANDIDATE FOR NERVE BACK.. CLEARING NERVES AND FUSING BACK. HERE AT RECOVERY 4 LIFE FOR 9.5 MONTHS, LEGAL CONSEQUENCES AND COURT REQUIRED. DAY BY DAY HE HAS NOT THOUGHT ABOUT DRINKING. HAS ANXIETY AND AVOIDS TRIGGERS, NO TRAUMA.

Matt: 2 MONTHS CLEAN. GOING FISHING AT CJ STRIKES.

Inez: 22 MONTHS SOBER OFF ALCOHOL. SHE NEVER THOUGHT SHE WOULD QUIT DRINKING. HER FRIEND QUIT AS WELL WHOM SHE ALSO NEVER THOUGHT WOULD GET CLEAN. “I AM WORTHY OF HAPPINESS.” PRACTICES A GOOD ATTITUDE WITH GRATITUDE. WAS A LIASON IN THE HOUSE SHE IS THE MANAGER OF. NEEDS TO STOP GETTING MAD. A GIRL WHO LIVES THERE, HER BOYFRIEND CALLED OVER AND OVER. GIRL WAS PISSED OFF NOBODY ANSWERED, 36 RINGS AND 9 CALLS, ENDED UP NOT BEING THE BOYFRIEND BUT A VERY IMPORTANT CALL. “ALCOHOL IS MY DOWNFALL” DOESN’T WANT TO LOSE MANAGEMENT POSITION FOR THE WOMAN’S HOME. SHE HAD SOME SEIZURES AND HAD TO VISIT THE HOSPITAL. “I HAVE TO BE CLEAN OR I WILL GO TO JAIL.” SOBER SINCE 8/16/16, NEVER THOUGHT SHE WOULD BE SOBER FOR 2 YEARS. WISHES SHE HAD A CORVETTE. DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CAN’T HAVE A GOOD LIFE LIKE ALL HER FRIENDS. LOSING HER HOME. HAS TO ACCEPT FACT THAT LIFE CHANGES AND GOD SUCKS…. LMAO, JOKES ON YOU. GOES TO THE NAMPA PUBLIC LIBRARY.

Donna: EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. SAD -> HAPPY -> HURT -> LONELY -> ISOLATED. WAS A DRUNKEN MESS AND HATED EVERYTHING. TRYING NOT TO OVER-CATASTROPHIZE FEELINGS TO SITUATIONS. LEARNED DISTRESS TOLERANCE. TRYING TO BECOME MORE MINDFUL AND AWARE. LEARNING TO SPEAK OUT AND ASK FOR HELP. WISHES OTHERS TO BE OPEN-MINDED IN DIALETICAL BEHAVIORAL THERAPY GROUP. THINKS OTHERS WILL NOT LIKE THE GROUP AT FIRST OR EVEN UNDERSTAND IT. “ADDICTION DOES NOT DISCRIMATE AGAINST AGE/GENDER.” WORKING ON KEEPINIG HER EMOTIONS IN CHECK SO SHE DOES NOT GET A ONE-WAY TICKET ON THE CRAZY TRAIN.

ALLEYGAINY SIERRA NEVADAS MOTANA. CANCER IN BREAST -> BRAIN. 16TH BIRTHDAY MET DAVE GAINEY WHO RAPED HER AND HER MOM DIED THE SAME TIME. SISTERS MOVED. DAVE GAINEY WAS KATHY’S HUSBAND AND HER DAD’S BEST FRIEND. SHE RAN TO THE NEIGHBORS. GRAD CARMEL HIGH FEB 1986 IN FALLON, NV. SISTER STARTED DOING COCAINE AND MOVED TO SACRAMENTO. DIED IN 2012. HAD FIRST CHILD. SPLIT FROM FATHER AND HE KIDNAPPED THE BABY.SHE GOT HIM BACK, HE WAS UNDERWEIGHT AND HAD LEAD POISONING IN A PART OF HIS KIDNEY, HAD TO GET REMOVED. (ANDREW 1990) BRITTANY AND BROOKE, TWINS DIED OF HEART AND LUNG FAILURE APRIL 28, 1998 AT 3 MONTHS. HUSBAND WAS HEAVY MACHINE OPERATOR IN THE MINES. KYLE 1992. GRADUATED ICC COLLEGE WITH NURSING LICENSE. WAS PREGNANT AGAIN RIGHT AFTER FUNERAL. HAD BROCK AND HER CERVIX TURNED BLACK UTERINE CANCER. IV TO LOSING HAIR. MET A CLUB GUARD BRYAN, BEGAN RUNNING AND GUNNING. HE SMACKED HER SILLY (PHYSICAL ABUSE.) MC AT CLUB HOOKED IT UP (LARRY.) HE HAD A MOTORCYCLE. HE WAS IN A HIT AND RUN. WAS LIFEFLIGHTED TO NA. HAD ALCOHOL IN WATER BOTTLE WHEN SHE VISITED HIM IN HOSPITAL. WHERE SHE WAS TAKEN TO 28 DAY PROGRAM AT NEW START. DRANK DRANK DRANK. DEC. 7TH TRIED TO KILL HERSELF. DRIVING AND BLEW DOUBLE .29 IN JEROME COUNTY. HAD NO BAIL. IS ORDERED TO REMAIN SOBER UNTIL 2019. “LOONY FREAKZOID” WHEN I DRINK.

Lawnie: HAS A FULFILLING LIFE WITH HIS FAMILY. WORKING ON NOT AVOIDING OR ESCAPING SITUATIONS. SOBERED UP BUT DID NOT WANT TO FACE SOBRIETY. HALF SMILE AND OPEN HANDS. WORKING ON RESPECTING THE EARTH AROUND HIM. VALIDATION AND UNDERSTANDING. “I KNOW I AM WORTH SOMETHING.” TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF BY WALKING ½ HOUR A DAY. RECOMMENDS FOR OTHERS IN GROUP TO BE ON TIME AND PARTICIPATE.

Kata: MOLLY AND HEROIN… LOST CLOSE FAMILY MAY 2010. CRYING IN CLASS, IRRITABLE.

Pilot Dude: “I’M DIFFERENT NOW” THOUGHTS… EMOTIONS… FEELINGS….. HERE BECAUSE OF DRINKING AT BAR AND THEN DROVE HOME. “IT HELPS TO GIVE BACK” HE KNOWS SOMEONE WHO STARTED A KID ON HEROIN WHEN HE WAS 8… LIKE, CAN’T GO BACK NOW. BORN IN IDAHO FALLS. LIKED TO BREAK RULES TO GET KICKS. MOM SPLIT DAD. MOM REMARRIED NEXT MONTH. D.A.R.E IN 4TH GRADE DRUG ABUSE RESEARCH STAFF. 8TH GRADE- SMOKED WEED STEMS. STOLE WEED FROM BROTHER. DRANK IN 8TH GRADE. PARTY ON WEEKENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL. COLLEGE HAD 3 DAY WEEKENDS FRI,SAT,SUN TO PARTY. GRADUATED COLLEGE WITH CIVIL ENGINEER DEGREE AND DIDN’TLIKE IT. WAS A STUPID COLLEGE KID AND POINTED TO A RANDOM MAJOR. NOW IN POCATELLO. ADDICTED TO ADDREALL. AMBIAN AND ADDERALL. USED DOCTORS TO GET THIS DRUG. HIS EX WAS AN ALCOHOLIC. EVERY NIGHT HE HAD PILLS. PILOT…. MONDAY-THURSDAY CLEANED HIS SYSTEM. FINISHED AND BECAME FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR. MET GIRLFRIEND WHERE HE DID PILLS AND ALCOHOL WITH HER EVERYDAY. GOT PANCREATITIS. BODY SHUT DOWN AND HE HAD NO WATER FOR 2 DAYS. BOWLING BALL HEAD ON FLOOR GASPING FOR AIR. NAPROXEN. OXYS – TOOK BECAUSE FELT GOOD. AFTER HAVING PANCREATITIS HE FELT SO WRONG LIKE HE HAD DECIEVED HIMSELF. NOW HE WAS ON OPIATES AND GHBS INSTEAD OF ALCOHOL. GOT FREE OXYS FROM THE DOCTOR. BENZOS AS WELL. COULD NO LONGER PAY RENT. OXY WITHDRAWALS FROM STREET OXYS. HE HAD ON HIM 50 G OF OXYS – 6 MONTHS WORTH ABOUT 800$$$ WORTH BUT COULD SELL ON STREET FOR 50,000-100,000$. 50X STRONGER THAN HEROIN. STARTED GETTING SEIZURES. 2 YEARS HE WAS IN PERSONAL TRAINING. SOLD TO PAY SOME RENT. POLICE KNOCKED WHILE HE WAS HITTING FENTANYL AND HE HAD A CLOSE CALL.. GOT NORCOS FROM DOCTORS FOR “BACK PAIN.” HE HAD A MONTH LONG MENTAL TREATMENT IN MISSISSIPPI. AND COPS CALLED ON HIM FOR BEING DRUNK IN PUBLIC, SENT TO PSYCH WARD FOR 5 DAYS. HE THOUGHT HE MAY JUST MOVE TO MEXICO. HIS MOM SAVED HIM AND HE STAYS ALIVE FOR HIS MOTHER.

Aleisha: DRUG OF CHOICE. HEROIN. WORKS LONG HOURS AND IS VERY TIRED.

Dakota: USES SKILLS FROM CLASS, BREATHING EXERCISES.

Nicole: “MENTAL HEALTH COURT IS RUNNING MY LIFE. I PEE IN A CUP EVERY MORNING”

SKILLS: INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS “COMMUNICATING WITH OTHERS” THE LEFT SIDE WINS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO STEAL IN ORDER TO GET METHAMPETAMINES.

MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS BETTER, NOT WORSE. SOMETIMES, WE DON’T DO SO GOOD. LEARN HOW TO EFFECTIVELY MAKE REQUESTS AND EFFECTIVELY KNOW WHEN TO SAY NO. MAINTAIN BALANCE AND RESOLVE CONFLICTS.

SOME MAY TAKE BEING NICE FOR WEAKNESS AND OVERPOWER YOU. SOME ARE MORE EMOTIONAL WHILST OTHERS DON’T GET UPSET.

MYTHS – OBJECTIVE EFFECTIVENESS IF I ASK FOR SOMETHING OR SAY NO, I CAN’T STAND IT IF SOMEONE GETS UPSET WITH ME. I MUST BE REALLY INADEQUATE IF I CAN’T FIX THIS MYSELF. IF I DON’T HAVE WHAT I WANT OR NEED IT DOESN’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE, I DON’T CARE REALLY (APATHY) IF I TRY TO ASK FOR HELP I WILL BE A BURDEN. PEOPLE WITHOUT MONEY WHO ASK FOR FAVORS ARE LEECHES.

“I CAN PROBABLY GO WITHOUT.”

MY NEEDS ARE AS IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSES. GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES. SAYING NO IS PUTTING UP A HEALTHY BOUNDARY.

THE PROBLEM IS JUST IN MY HEAD I SHOULDN’T BOTHER OTHERS. CHALLENGE: OTHER PEOPLE ARE CARING – YOU CAN ASK FOR ASSISTANCE.

IF I DON’T HAVE WHAT I NEED IT WON’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE, I DON’T CARE REALLY. CHALLENGE: I CARE SO MUCH THAT I GET WHAT ASSISTANCE I NEED.

OTHERS SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PUT MORE WORK IN ME. I DON’T NEED SUPPORT AND YOU SHOULDN’T EXPECT IT. “KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS.” “GIVE RESPECT, GET RESPECT.” TREAT OTHERS HOW I WANT TO BE TREATED. IT’S OK TO BE SKEPTICAL. THE GOVERNMENT CONTROLS EVERYTHING. OTHERS AROUND YOU MAY FEEL BAD FOR YOU OR THEY MAY BE SELF-CENTERED OR AGAINST YOU. MY DECISIONS EFFECT EVERYONE AROUND ME. TRY NOT TO HURT OTHERS.

THE WHEEL – RELATIONSHIP WITH DRUGS USE: Not a habit MISUSE: Taking at a higher dose for high rather than i.e. pain ABUSE: When it is harmful for your health and others ADDICTION: Takes over life, need it all the time DEPENDENCE: Necessary to need it in order to feel normal

INTRODUCTION: Try EXPERIMENTAL: Use more, take note on effects, see how it feels/if you like BENEFICIAL: If you like it is good for a short time. I.E. You are happy.. for a short-term. ABUSIVE: Continued use leads to damage in long-term POINT OF NO RETURN!!! DEPENDENT TOXIC FATAL EMOTIONAL REGULATION PT.1:

UNDERSTAND AND NAME YOUR OWN EMOTIONS!! RELAPSE OK TO FEEL EMOTIONS OF FEELING LIKE A BIRDIE

WHY SHOULD WE DESCRIBE EMOTIONS? “SO I DON’T BLOW UP, UP THE SPINE”

IDENTIFY AND DESCRIBE YOUR EMOTION. REGULAR EMPTINESS KNOW WHAT EMOTIONS DO FOR YOU. HURT YOU

FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE SPEAK MORE LOGICALLY BE MORE PRODUCTIVE GRIEF/SHAME/SPIRAL DOWN TOILET

DECREASE THE FREQUENCY OF UNWANTED EMOTIONS: BEAUTIFUL BLACK EYES. OH POOR ME. GLOOM AND DOOM. GOD DAMNIT. DECREASE EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY DECREASE VULNERABILITY TO EMOTIONAL MIND. BE ABOVE IT. UNAFFECTIVE. GOD DAMNIT.

RED 4 LOKOS, THE DRUNKEN STEREOTYPE. HAND SANITIZER SMELLS LIKE VODKA. THINKING OF FUTURE MANAGE EMOTIONS WITH ALCOHOL.

DECREASE EMOTIONAL SUFFERING MUSICAL CHAIRS “I THINK THE OCEAN SMELLS GOOD” KEEP WITHIN LEGAL BOUNDS

EMOTIONS MOTIVATE US TO ACTION FIGHT OR FLIGHT HARDWIRED IN BIOLOGY -> GENETIC

DIDN’T KNOW THE SUN WAS IN THEIR WAY “FINE.” WAITING IN LINE - “YOU LOOK MAD, DUDE” WAITING..HUNGRY..ANTICIPATION LADY MOVES BECAUSE THINKS HE WILL STEAL.. “I DON’T WANT YOUR STUFF” “ON A MISSION” REJECTION

AN EMOTION.. I AM TIRED SO I CANNOT MOVE. EMOTIONS ARE RED FLAGS “INTUITION IS WHEN GOD TALKS TO YOU.”

PT.2

-ANGER- AGITATION ANNOYANCE BITTERNESS FRUSTRATION INDIGNATION IRRITATION WRATH

EVENTS THAT TRIGGER ANGER +TREATED UNFAIRLY +GOALS BEING BLOCKED +THINGS SHOULD BE DIFFERENT THAN THEY ARE +NOT HAVING THINGS TURN OUT AS EXPECTED AFTEREFFECTS +DEPERSONALIZATION, DISSOCIATIVE EXPERIENCES, NUMBNESS

-DISGUST- ANTIPATHY? HATE

PROMPTING EVENTS +BEING FORCED TO SWALLOW SOMETHING YOU REALLY DON’T WANT +BEING FORCED TO ENGAGE IN OR WATCH UNWANTED SEXUAL CONTANT

INTERPRETATION +SWALLOWING SOMETHING TOXIC +YOUR MIND IS BEING CONTAMINATED

BIOLOGICAL CHANGES +VOMMITING +FEELING DIRTY

EXPRESSIONS +VOMITING

-ENVY- DOWNHEARTED

INTERPRETATION +HAVE SUCH A BAD LOT

BIOLOGICAL CHANGES +LOSE WHAT THEY HAVE, HAVE BAD LUCK OR BE HURT +FEELING OF PLEASURE WHEN OTHERS EXPERIENCE FAILURE OR LOSE WHAT THEY HAVE +I LOVE WHEN OTHERS GET HURT

ACTIONS +TRYING TO IMPROVE YOUR SITUATION

AFTERAFFECTS +ATTENDING TO WHAT OTHERS HAVE

-FEAR- APPREHENSION DREAD HORROR HYSTERIA? SHOCK

PROMPTING EVENTS +HAVING YOUR WELL-BEING THREATENED

INTERPRETATION +YOU MIGHT BE HARMED

-HAPPINESS- ECSTASY

PROMPTING EVENTS +NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

BIOLOGICAL CHANGES +FEELING AT PEACE +CAN DENY HAPPINESS

EXPRESSIONS +SILLINESS

AFTERAFFECTS +FEELING JOYFUL IN FUTURE

-SHAME- +SAYING YOU ARE SORRY OVER AND OVER +DISTRACTING +WHY EMOTE WHEN YOU CAN DEMOTE?

-GUILT- +DON’T HAVE TO HOLD ANGER +3-DAY ANGER STRIKE +WALLOW IN IT

EXPRESSIONS +ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS “FORGIVE ME, FATHER.”

AFTEREFFECTS +DO NO HARM

“USING ALCOHOL OR DRUGS WAS A THINKING ERROR IN MY BEHAVIOR.” STOP TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I DO WISE MIND IS EFFECTFUL FOR THINKING/ACTING NO MATTER WHAT THOSE ONES THINK TRY TO REACT IN A POSITIVE WAY BE PATIENT

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? ARROGANT INNOCENT LOADED PAINED -DIRTY -SICK

FEELINGS: CHOKED UP, ILL AT EASE INJURED, PAINED, SUFFERING, ACHING, TORTURED INFLAMED WEAK, WEARY

DEFINITION REMORSEFUL: DEEP AND PAINFUL REGRET FOR A WRONGDOING. PEACEFUL, POWERFUL, JOYFUL – SUBSETS OF FEELING WHEEL I CROSSED OUT AND SAYS I AM NEVER TO FEEL AGAIN. THINGS I CANT FEEL. “YOUR EMOTIONS WERE NOT YOUR CHOICE – A BIOLOGICAL FUNCTION DICTATING THEM”

PT.3 BUILD MASTERY AND COPE AHEAD

DOESN’T MATTER AS LONG AS YOU WORSHIP THE Q’ARAN DOUAJ ARABIC FOR WEALTH

STAYING SOBER TODAY IS BEING PRODUCTIVE SMALL FISH IN A BIG POND.. A BIG WHIRL GRIN & BEAR IT, WAIT IT OUT HOW A SUICIDE HAS TO MENTALLY PREPARE FOR YEARS BEFORE COMPLETING.

TAKE CARE OF MIND BY TAKING CARE OF BODY P L 1.TREAT PHYSICAL ILLNESS E 2. BALANCE EATING (FOODS CAN MAKE YOU OVERLY EMOTIONAL. EMPTY FLUFF. FASTING) A 3. AVOID MOOD ALTERING SUBSTANCES (XTC,MOLLY,HEROIN,GHB,COCAINE,LSD,MUSHROOMS) S 4. BALANCE SLEEP (HOUR A NIGHT – BUDDHIST MONKS) E 5. GET EXERCISE

OBSERVE YOUR EMOTIONS “WALLOW IN THE DEB-WAVE” WHY CAN’T I FIGHT THIS? PAIN 20-30 MINUTE EPISODES AUG 16, 2008… GIRLS MOM WENT MISING ANGER – CONSUMING

LOVE YOUR EMOTIONS “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”

WHAT EMOTION DOES THE LORD FEEL? SUPREME.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR EMOTIONS -EAT YOUR EMOTIONS

MANAGING EXTREME EMOTIONS BOUGHT A HOUSE AND ALL HE WANTED WAS A BEAUTIFUL LAWN HE HAD A DANDELION PROBLEM SO HE BOUGHT A GARDENING BOOK AND WROTE THE AGRICULTURAL UNIT

HER HUSBAND LEFT HER. MAYBE HE LEFT BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC.

COOK WITH GARLIC AND ONIONS.

FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS IN RECOVERY 1. DO YOU NOTICE THAT YOU EXPERIENCE SOME FEELINGS MORE THAN OTHERS - ANGER, RECKLESS ABANDONMENT OTHERS: MOODY, QUESTIONING, ANXIOUS OTHERS: ANGER, IMPATIENT, CANT RELATE, TENSE, WRATHFUL, FURIOUS, EMPTY

2. WHAT ARE THE FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS YOU TRY TO AVOID? -SHAME, PAIN (CHAMPAGNE) OTHERS: BEING ISOLATED, BEING INSECURE, UNWANTED

3. HOW DO YOU EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS? -TALK TO MYSELF, TALK TO OTHERS ON CHATROOMS, SOMETIMES I CRY, I WRITE MUSIC/SHORT STORIES OTHERS: USED TO KEEP TO SELF, NOW TALKS MORE OTHERS: BOTTLE UP

4. DO YOU FIND YOURSELF ONLY EXPRESSING NEGATIVE FEELINGS -MY POSITIVE FEELINGS ARE ACCOUNTED FOR OTHERS: YES, USUALLYEXPRESSES NEGATIVE FEELINGS – HARSH TO DAUGHTER OTHERS: YES, MORE FREQUENT AND OVERPOWER POSITIVE

5. DO YOU FIND YOURSELF ONLY EXPRESING POSITIVE FEELINGS? -MY NEGATIVE FEELINGS RECEIVE TIME OTHERS: IT’S WORK TO EXPRESS NEW SORTS OF THINKING OTHERS: NO

6. WHICH FEELING OR EMOTIONS WILL MAKE YOU MOST LIKELY TO RELAPSE IN FUTURE -HAPPINESS THAT IS ONLY POSSIBLE DUE TO DRUG INDUCEMENT OTHERS: INSECURITY, FEELING UNWANTED OTHERS: ANGER, ISOLATE, EMPTY, STUBBORN

7. POSITIVE WAY TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS - COUNSELORS, ETC = OTHERS: SELF-TALK, DON’T KEEP FEELINGS BOTTLED, SOMETIMES I CATASTROPHIZE OTHERS: DON’T JUDGE OR ASSUME. LISTEN AND CAN’T JUMP.

8. WHO CAN YOU TALK TO IF YOU ARE OVERWHELMED? - FRIENDS ON CHAT ROOM, MYSELF OTHERS: COUNSELOR, RELAPSE COUCH, SELF-TALK OTHERS: SISTERS, MOM, BOYFRIEND, DAUGHTERS

INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS GETTING WHAT YOU WANT

DESCRIBE COP ARREST EXPRESS FEAR FOR LIFE ASSERT “USE YOURS” REINFORCE ..I CAN’T PAY THIS.. (STAY) MINDFUL I DESERVED THIS APPEAR CONFIDENT I CAN GET THROUGH THIS NEGOTIATE WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG – YOU WILL PAY

CAN’T CONTROL HOW WE’VE BEEN DRAGGED THROUGH SHIT ORANGES TO APPLES – CANT COMPARE SITUATIONALLY SOMETIMES YOU DON’T OWE AN EXPLANATION BE ASSERTIVE. “HEY I OWE YOU 100$, BUT I ONLY GOT 20$.” “WELL IT’S A TOSS (LOSE-LOSE) BECAUSE I NEED THE 100$ NOW. INCREMENTAL PAYMENTS WON’T CUT IT.”

APPLYING DEAR MAN SKILLS TO CURRENT INTERACTION A GOOD RX, A CONVICT,” WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TOMORROW IF I USE NOW?” HAVE TO USE MORE TO GET THE SAME EFFECT. ODEN WORLD. TREE. 9 DAYS. 9 NOBLE VERSES. HUNGRY ANGRY LONELY TIRED CAN ONLY BE STOPPED BY INTERVENTION EMBARASSED -> MAD -> STUPID ADDICTION IN KRONIC IT CANNOT BE CHANGED NOT USE BECAUSE PARENTS HAVE NONE. NONE AT P.O.’S OFFICE. CRAVINGS AROUND MOTHER – SOBER 4 HIS MOTHER “WHEN A CRAVING HITS, EVERYTHING ELSE IS OUT DOOR.” ALL SYSTEMS GO LOSS OF PURPOSE ASKS FOR A SIGN FROM GOD WANTS TO BE A BETTER PERSON USING MORE THAN NECESSARY TOOK A SPOON TO SHOW AND TELL (DAUGHTERS) ON ACCIDENT 12 STEPS – WHITE BISON, CELEBRATE RECOVERY… ALLUMBAUGH (HELPFUL BEHAVIORS, CODEPENDENCE)… SMART RECOVERY *PURE WELLNESS* RED HOUSE. BIOLOGICAL LIFE DETERRATION. CAN’T GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER – IS CONTROLLING ME!! ADDICTION PRIMARY DISEASE – LOST POWER OF CONTROL DO NOT SCHEDULE IF YOU ARE USING BECAUSE SCHEDULING IS STRUCTURE LEARN ORGANIZATION BRING SCHEDULE BOOK TO SOCIAL WORKER A.A. -> N.A. -> C.A (COCAINE ANONYMOUS) -> 7’O CLOCK -RED HOUSE- *WAR STORIES*

DISTRESS TOLERANCE

ACTIVITIES! CONTRIBUTING! COMPARISONS! PUSHING AWAY! THOUGHTS! SENSATIONS! CONSIDER LAST YEAR MAYBE YOU WERE IN JAIL. NOW AT LEAST YOU ARE NOT IN JAIL. PUERTO RICO HURRICANE COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS LESS FORTUNATE “BOO-HOO” EDUCATE YOURELF, LISTEN TO “THE BLUES” LISTEN TO EMOTIONAL MUSIC THAT CREATES DIFFERENT EMOTIONS LEAVE THE SITUATION MENTALLY BUILD AN IMAGINARY WALL WITH IMAGINARY SOLDIERS PUT THE PAIN IN A BOX ON A SHELF YELL: NO! A PILL BOTTLE WITHOUT A LABEL? LET IT BE. COUNT CARDS “AS AN IMPATIENT, I WOULD COUNT THE TILES ON THE CEILING” SELF-SOOTHING: VISION, HEARING, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH IMPROVING THE MOMENT: IMAGERY, MEANING, PRAYER, RELAXING, ONE THING AT A TIME, VACATION, ENCOURAGEMENT

DISTRESS TOLERANCE PT.2

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE “ACCEPTING THE WAY YOU LIVE IN THE MOMENT.” ACCEPTING THE SITUATION WITHOUT BEING BITTER DO NOT THROW A TANTRUM WITHOUT RESPONDING WITH WILLFULNESS INEFFECTIVITY “WHY CAN’T I BE LIKE OTHER PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT” CONSTANT PAIN LEARNING EXPERIENCES – LEARNING TO LIVE THROUGH PAINFUL TIMES SOME PEOPLE HATE MENTAL HEALTH DIAGNOSIS AND DIDN’T ASK NOR DESERVE IT COPE, REDUCE, FIND BALANCE ACCEPT REALITY!! THE RULES OF THE UNIVERSE! ………..IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT REALITY…… YOU WILL GO BACK INTO HELL………. *INSERT PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE’S FACE HERE WITH A MENACING TONE MEANT TO INDUCE TORTURE TO INNNOCENT SOULS* “WE’RE ALL SHEEP AND THE LORD IS OUR SHEPHARD” “ADDICTION IS DRIVING YOUR BEHAVIOR!” CAN BE MUCH WIDER THAN NARROWED EXAMPLES GENE FOR ADDICTION --DENY COMPLIANCE- CONTINUE USE TO GET MY LIFE BACK.-- OR DISCONTINUE USE FOREVER, BE THE SHEEP INSTEAD OF THE HERDER! --BELIEVE THIS IS REAL AND THAT THEY HAVE CONTROL OVER MAN-KIND SUPPOSEDLY DOCUMENTARIES ON POLICE CONTROL, SHEEPLE, PROHIBITION, WAR STORIES, POLICE INTERFERENCE, COPS, RENO 911. GHANDI/CONFUSCIOUS/BUDDHA – GOOD POLICE/MILITARY – BLECK

DISTRESS TOLERANCE PT.3 TURNING BAD STUFF INTO GOOD ENERGY - SUBLIMATION ALTERNATE REBELLION WHEN ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS ARE A WAY TO REBEL AGAINST AUTHORITY, TRY ALTERNATE REBELLION WHICH IS A WAY TO DO SOMETHING INSANE BUT WITHIN LEGAL BOUNDS - SHAVE YOUR HEAD …..GIRLS ALL CAME IN FORMAL ATTIRE, FOO FOO GIRLS URGE TO DROP ACID… REGULARE FOLK – GO DO IT! CONTROLLED FOLK – HYSTERIA, OMG, I CAN’T EVEN. HUH.

ADAPTIVE DENIAL REFRAME YOUR CRAVINGS. COOKIES – WHEN I WANT A COOKIE, THINK THAT YOU WANT AN APPLE INSTEAD WHEN I FEEL URGE TO SMOKE A TOBACCO, LIFT WEIGHTS INSTEAD ANOTHER INTERESTING EXAMPLE OF SUICIDIAL PEOPLE: WHEN I FEEL LIKE DYING, SLIT WRISTS INSTEAD GET URGES TO DRIVE BUT SAY, YOU CANNOT BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ADDICT

*POP SELF WITH RUBBER BAND* *SQUISH BALL* *GONNA DEFEND MYSELF…. BASEBALL BAT…. BOTTLE TO CRACK… BREAK THINGS* SELF-CONTROL… SLEEP-DEPRIVATION…… CRY “GO FOR A WALK AT 6 AM AND THAT IS COOL” – A PUN.. “I LIKE SUN ON MY BONES”

BURNING BRIDGES SLAM THE GARAGE DOOR OF ABSTINENCE SHUT LIST EVERYTHING THAT MAKES ADDICTION POSSIBLE AND GET RID OF IT… -GET RID OF MY WHOLE SELF- “I AM A BONG” LIST AND DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN THAT WILL MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO NOT USE -STAYING ALIVE- WAS HOLDING ONTO FRIEND’S MONEY…. “I DON’T HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HER”.. CODEPENDENCY TELL EVERYONE YOU HAVE QUIT!! BUILDING NEW BRIDGES SMELLS TO THINK ABOUT – MY COLOGNE I LIKE NOTHING “RECOVERY HAS SHOWN ME THAT I CAN BREAK THE PATTERN” – URGE TO DRINK BREATHING PHILANTHROPY! EMOTIONAL REGULATION DISTRESS BUTTON WHAT WILL I TAKE AWAY FROM IT “I COULDN’T CHANGE INTO THE SPIRAL” “DO YOUR BEST TO STAY OPEN-MINDED” “I CAN STAY SOBER” FIND THE MAGIC MOMENT – “BACK TO THE TRACKS I GO”

EMOTIONS – POWER – ANGER – “WHY ME?” ->->-> DISTRESS “STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE UNCONTROLLABLE OR WE COULD SPEND ALL DAY TRYING TO CHANGE THE CONTROLLABLE” TRYING TO CHANGE A BEHAVIOR LAWS APPLICABLE TO THE DEAD DON’T PERTAIN TO ME

WILLINGNESS WILLINGNESS IS ACTING WITH AWARENESS THAT YOU ARE PART OF THE UNIVERSE DOING JUST WHAT IS NEED – GETTING HERE AND SHOWING UP TO GROUP WILLINGNESS VS WILLFULNESS WILLFULLNESS IS WRECKLESS DEFIANCE FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU HAVE A DRUG DEALER THAT YOU SHOULD DELETE, BUT YOU DON’T WILFULLNESS IS “I WILL NOT TAKE MY MENTAL HEALTH MEDICATION” IT IS NOT CARING ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES AND IT IS NOT RATIONAL WILLINGNESS IS: “I AM WILLING TO OBEY THE LAW!!” WILLFUL: MY KIDS CAN NOT BE INDEPENDENT THOSE PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT “I WENT TO A MEETING AND SOME BORING OLD HAG WAS TELLING HER LIFE STORY. I LEFT BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR A LIFE STORY…. I WANTED TO HAVE A GROUP DISCUSSION!!” SITUATIONS WHERE I NOTICE MY OWN WILLFULNESS: FEEL IT WON’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE --NOT DOING MY CHORES-- SITUATIONS WHERE I NOTICE MY OWN WILLINGNESS: GO ANYWAY AND TRY TO…. SEE A ‘CHANGE’?? ‘FOR BETTER OR WORSE??’ REFUSE TO TOLERATE WILLFULLNESS

“SOME PEOPLE WITH SET TESTING WILL DRINK AROUND THE TESTS. I WAS AT THE STORE AND REALLY WANTED TO GRAB A CASE TO GET DRUNK WITH MY GIRL”

MINDFULNESS OF CURRENT THOUGHTS: I AM FEELING STRESS, ANXIETY DON’T ACT ON THOUGHTS =) ANXIETY ATTACKS – MEDICATION – SHOWER – COFFEE ADOPT A CURIOUS MIND CRACK DREAMS – DREAMS OF SMOKING CRACK “YES, I AM AN ADDICT, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I NEED TO GO USE TODAY” “LIKE, OH, I MIGHT GO MURDER SOMEONE..” GETTING HIGH TO EAT COOKIES MIND LIKE A TEFLON PAN, SHIT GETS ON THE PAN BUT WILL EASILY GET OFF TREES HAVE STRONG HEAVY ROOT SYSTEMS THERE IS WEED KILLER DON’T WASTE DAY ON SHITTY SHIT

CATASTROPHIC THINKING IS “EMOTION MIND”

-CONTROL- -ROBOTISIZE- -HEAP PEOPLE INTO ORGANIZATION- -DON’T LET THEM OUT OF THE BOX YOU HAVE CREATED THEM- -BLACK/WHITE ROBOTIC, ALL OF THE SAME- -SAME ACTIONS, SAME SPEECH, SAME THOUGHTS- -IN UNIFORM IN LINES FOLLOWING A LEADER- -IDENTICAL- -NO SPONTANEITY OF ACTION OR EMOTION- -MAKE SURE THEIR DOPAMINE, GLYCERIDES AND TRIGLYERIDES ARE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME, IN ORDER- MONO UNIVERZ: A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE. MISSION CONTROL UNDERSTANDING THE BRAIN’S CENTRAL CONTROL SYSTEM IF YOU CANNOT HAVE HAPPINESS CONTROLLED, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SAD, BUT IF YOU ALREADY HATE YOURSELF THEN USING DRUGS COULDN’T BE TOO BAD BECAUSE YOU WERE ALREADY A SAD SACK OF EMPTY FLESH. LIFE SUCKS, THEN YOU DIE. LIMBIC: EMOTION, MEMORY, MOTIVATION, AND OTHER FUNCTIONS CRITICAL TO SURVIVAL. INCLUDES HIPPOCAMPUS, (MEMORY), AMYGDALA (FEAR/EMOTIONS), VENTRAL STRATIUM (REWARD), HYPOTHALAMUS (APPETITE, THIRST, BODY TEMPERATURE), AND PARTS OF THE CORTEX! CEREBRAL CORTEX: AWARENESS, ATTENTION TO SURROUNDINGS, ABILITY TO THINK, SOLVE PROBLEMS, PLAN AND MAKE DECISIONS! CEREBELLUM: CONTROL, COORDINATION, MUSCLES AND BALANCE, POSTURE! BRAIN STEM: BASIC FUNCTIONS, BREATHING, SLEEPING, HEART RATE! THE LIMBIC SYSTEM , THE PLEASURE CENTER THAT BRINGS YOU JOY FROM DRUGS

ABUSING SEDATIVES AND PAINKILLERS CAN SLOW BREATING PARTS OF BRAIN AFFECTED OVER TIME WITH DRUG USE: AMYGDALA, CEREBELLUM STEROIDS AND METH CAN LEAD TO AGGRESSION MARIJUANA AND ALCOHOL CAN AFFECT MOVEMENT AND COORDINATION COMBINING SEDATIVES WITH ALCOHOL CAN SLOW HEART RATE MARIJUANA IMPAIRS THE ABILITY TO THINK CLEARLY! CEREBRAL CORTEX DOESN’T FULLY DEVELOP UNTIL A PERSON IS ABOUT 25. WHY IS IT IMPORTANT FOR TEEN TO KNOW TO AVOID DRUGS? BECAUSE THEY WISH TO USE THEIR BRAINS FOR THEIR FUTURE LIVES CHICKS WILL DIG THEM. THEY WILL MAKE BABIES AND MONEY. AHH, WITHOUT BRAIN USE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A CHICK AND THAT WILL MEAN NO BABY AND NO MONEYS =( PLUS, EVEN IF YOU DON’T WANT BABIES OR ANY CHICKS, YOU WILL STILL NEED YOUR BRAIN TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS AND CONTROL YOUR LEVEL OF HAPPINESS (E.G. PROZAC)

DRUG KILL NUERONS BUT YOU CAN GROW BACK BRAIN CELLS OVER TIME WITH SOBRIETY.

THE MIND IS AN OVERGROWN JUNGLE STFU AND DEAL GANGLI CHALLENGE THE NEGATIVITY TOUGHIE B/C HE DIDN’T WANT TO ACCEPT FORGE NEW PATHS --YOU CANNOT DO DRUGS AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME, YOU MUST STAY IN HIDING-- “WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT?” ONE BEER WON’T HURT YOU! BUT PAUSED BEFORE TWO. DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO SO SHE WENT TO A.A. --WHAT IS A WORD FOR NONCOMPLIANCE TO A POLICE – A SEPARATE CHARGE?? “RESISTING ARREST.”-- WOMAN IN JAIL’S HEROIN CHARGE… DROPPED FROM DISTUBUTING LOADS OF HEROIN TO CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT. ALIEN IMMIGRANTS

TRIGGERS DENIAL, BOREDOM, LONELINESS RELAPSE JUSTIFICATION -> “I’LL JUST TAKE ONE”, A MINIMIZING STATEMENT SWAP SUBSTANCES AIDS IN RELAPSE “IF YOU BEEN IN TROUBLE 2X THEN YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE IN TROUBLE A THIRD TIME” ROADBLOCKS TO RECOVERY: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT RECOVERY I DON’T THINK STAFF CAN HELP I DON’T TRUST THE STAFF “THE WORLD AROUND US IS CHANGING” HAVE AN EXIT PLAN: WOULD ALWAYS DRIVE AFTER DRINKING, SO STARTED CALLING SISTER CALL SOMEONE TO HELP

IT GETS WORSE AND WORSE THE MORE YOU RELAPSE YOU HAVE COME SO FAR AND DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO START ALL OVER FEMALE HOMES: THE RISING SUN, WHITE SUN ACTIVE RECOVERY AIDS IN REDISCOVERING OURSELVES HE WOULD PUT ALL HIS DRUGS DOWN THE TOILET WHEN HE WAS RAIDED DO NOT CHOOSE TO THINK OF DRUGS/ALCOHOL TRIGGERS…. THOUGHT LEADS TO USE. PAUSE AND STOP THOUGHTS RELAXATION…CRAVINGS..CRAMPING….BREATHING

EMOTIONAL MIND AND RATIONAL MIND ARE AT A “CONSTANT TUG-A-WAR” WORKING ON ACCEPTANCE AND CHANGE “IT IS IN THE DRUG DEALER’S BEST INTEREST THAT YOU USE.” WHAT IS VALIDATION? UNDERSTANDING HOW SOMEONE FEELS USING NO BLAME GAMES. VALIDATING SOMEONE CAN MAKE THEM FEEL WORTHY SOME STEADY NERVES WITH ALCOHOL – “LIKE A SURGEON” DBT IS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO THINK DIFFERENTLY DBT SKILLS LIST MINDFULLNESS: OBSERVE, DESCRIBE, PARTICIPATE, NON-JUDGEMENTAL STANCE, ONE-MINDFULLY, EFFECTIVELY DISTRESS TOLERANCE, CRISIS SURVIVAL: WISE MIND ACCEPTS, SELF-SOOTHE, IMPROVE THE MOMENT, HALF-SMILE, CREATIVE OUTLET ACCEPTING REALITY SKILLS: PROS/CONS, RADICAL ACCEPTANCE, TURN THE MIND, WILLINGNESS PLEASE, BUILD MASTERY, JUST ACT, GIVE MYSELF CREDIT, BUILD POSITIVE EXPERIENCES, OPPOSITE TO EMOTION, FEEL YOUR FEELINGS INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS SKILLS: ATTEND TO RELATIONSHIPS, GIVE, DEAR MAN, FAST --THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS CHIRST-- STOPPED AND LISTENED AND DIDN’T THINK ON WHAT NEEDED TO SAY NEXT DON’T TAKE THINGS NEGATIVELY AND DON’T REACT ON THINGS

700,000 YEARS OF WILLFUL LAWLESSNESS --BLANK RESUME—WALKING, TALKING, COMMUNICATING ARE SOFT SKILLS… BEING PERSONAL, BEING POLITE, SMILING WISE MIND BRINGS LEFT BRAIN AND RIGHT BRAIN TOGETHER – THE MIDDLE PATH REASONABLE MIND IS COOL AND RATIONAL, TASK FOCUSED EMOTION MIND IS HOT, MOOD-DEPENDENT AND EMOTION-FOCUSED ANGER IS A SECONDARY EMOTION TO BEING HURT PAINFUL EMOTIONS CAN CAUSE YOU TO JUMP THE GUN AND JUMP INTO DRUGS USE FOR BAD FEELINGS LINEHAN AND LACKING AN EMOTIONAL SKIN LIKENING IT TO A BURN VICTIM WHO FEELS PAIN AT THE SLIGHTEST TOUCH OVER TIME OF BEING CRITISIZED ON THEIR EMOTIONS THEY SHOULD BEGAN TOFEEL THEY SHOULD HAVE DIFFERENT EMOTIONS AND THEIR EMOTIONS ARE NOT VALID, THEY HAVE TO CHANGE WHO THEY ARE OR THEY ARE JUST OVER-REACTING THEY WILL REJECT OR PUNISH THEMSELVES

ROADBLOCKS TO RECOVERY IN ORDER TO GET OVER A ROADBLOCK YOU HAVE TO WORK ON IT ATTITUDES -I’M ONLY IN TREATMENT BECAUSE OF OTHERS AND I DON’T WANT IT FOR MYSELF --WHO WOULD WANT TO CHANGE ME??-- -I DON’T LIKE TAKING MEDICATIONS PERSONALITY -I DON’T WANT OTHERS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS -I DON’T FEEL CLOSE TO ANYONE -I DON’T LIKE TO LISTEN TO AUTHORITY FIGURES LIFESTYLE -MY LIFESTYLE CENTERS AROUND GETTING OR USING CHEMICALS -MY LIFE IS A DRAG AND I DON’T HAVE MUCH TO DO THAT IS REWARDING OR FUN OTHER -FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES -FEEL I’M IN A BAD SITUATION AND WILL ONLY PUT ME IN A MORE PESSIMISTIC FRAME OF MIND

WAYS TO OVERCOME ROADBLOCKS #1: I’M ONLY IN TREATMENT BECAUSE OF OTHERS AND I DON’T WANT IT FOR MYSELF IN ORDER TO OVERCOME THIS ROADBLOCK: HIDE MYSELF FROM OTHERS. DON’T MAKE A NUISANCE, LEAVE HOME AND REMAIN AN ANONYMOUS INVISIBLE BEING.. CHANGE MY NAME AND DISOWN MY GUARDIANS.. “DO NOTHING, SAY NOTHING, BE NOTHING.” MAYBE THEY CAN FIND OTHER WAYS TO ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES OTHER THAN ME AND MY DEAL AND FORGET ME AS I HAVE FORGOTTEN MYSELF. #2: I DON’T WANT OTHERS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. IN ORDER TO OVERCOME THIS ROADBLOCK: MY FREEDOMS ARE STRIPPED. I CANNOT LEAVE HOME. MY GOALS/PLANS HAVE BEEN POSTPONED. I AM NOT A FOLLOWER. I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM DOING THESE PROGRAMS. WHICH IS WHY I CONTINUOUSLY ASK WHO/WHAT I AM DOING TREATMENT FOR. WHEN I DO NOT STUDY I DO NOT FEEL LIKE MYSELF. WHICH IS WHY I SAY I DO NOT KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. IT APPEARS I FEEL OVERCONTROLLED, LIKE A RAT IN A CAGE WITH NO FREEDOMS. I MAY NOT BE HUMAN ANYMORE MORE LIKE A BREATHING ZOMBIE. THROUGH TREATMENT I HAVE FELT IT GREATLY INTERFERES WITH MY STUDYING AND HOBBIES. I DO NOT HAVE FAITH IN THESE PEOPLE AND THEIR SYSTEMS/WAY OF LIFE. I WANT NO PLACE IN THEIR TOWN.

ADDICTION/RECOVERING YOUR HONESTY. LIES: I LIED TO ATTORNEY/P.O. EXAMPLE: I TOLD THEM I WASN’T DRIVING WHEN THEY ARRESTED ME. I WAS ARRESTED WHEN I WAS PULLED OVER/PARKED AND NOT DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE. I TOLD THEM I DIDN’T START DRINKING UNTIL WELL AFTER I WAS PARKED, BECAUSE MY CAR RAN OUT OF GAS. I HAD THE BEER, OPENED IT WAS WAITING ON MY RIDE BUT IT WAS A COLD NIGHT AND NEEDED A DRINK TO WARM ME UP AMIDST THE WAIT. SHE SAID IT DIDN’T MATTER IF I WASN’T DRIVING, IF I HAD THE KEY IN THE IGNITION AND WAS IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT, THEY CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WEREN’T PREVIOUSLY DRIVING OR ABOUT TO DRIVE. WELL, TRUTHFULLY, I WAS NOT ABOUT TO DRIVE BECAUSE I WAS ALL OUT OF GASOLINE AND MY CAR WOULDN’T EVEN START, LET ALONE DRIVE. TRUTHFULLY, I HAD THE KEY IN THE IGNITION TO KEEP THE LIGHTS ON BECAUSE IT WAS DARK AND TO HAVE MY HAZARD SIGNALS ON BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WOULDN’T BLINK WITHOUT KEY IN IGNITION. BUT I LIED SAYING I WASN’T DRIVING AFTER DRINKING BECAUSE I HADN’T STARTED UNTIL AFTER I PARKED. TRUTHFULLY, I HAD BEEN DRIVING AFTER DRINKING, BUT I HAD NOT DRANK IN TWO HOURS AND HAD ONLY DRUNK ROUGHLY 2 BEERS. I THOUGHT I COULD FIGHT AGAINST MY CHARGES WITH THE EVIDENCE THAT THE POLICE NEVER ACTUALLY SAW ME DRIVING AND THEY HAD NO WAY TO TELL WHEN I HAD DRANK. I DIDN’T FIGHT IT BECAUSE I WAS YOUNG AND SCARED AND FIGURED NO ONE WOULD BE ON MY SIDE IF THEY SAW ME, BEING A LESBIAN AND ALL. I KNEW MOST OF THE JURY WOULD PROBABLY BE DESCRIMANATORY, JUDGEMENTAL FOLK SO I DID NOT ATTEMPT TO FIGHT MY FIRST DUI CHARGE. I HAD NO IDEA I WOULD BE TAKEN AWAY A SECOND TIME. OBVIOUSLY THE POLICE DIDN’T CARE. I WAS GRABBED AND SHOVED IN THEIR CAR. IT DID NOT LOWER MY FINES OR LESSEN MY CONSEQUENCES TO TELL THE ATTORNEY AND MY P.O. I WASN’T DRINKING BEFORE I WAS PARKED. THEN AGAIN, I DID NOT KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES WOULD BE SO DREADFUL OR I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY WENT TO TRIAL TO FIGHT THE CHARGE, OTHERWISE JUST TOO NAÏVE AND YOUNG TO GO TO TRIAL, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GO TO JAIL SO I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. NOW I JUST PAY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.

*SOME WILL LIE TO MAKE YOUR DRUG USE NOT SEEM AS BAD AS IT IS. SOME LIE TO LOVED ONE OR SPOUSES SAYING THEY ARE NOT ‘USING.’

OTHER LIES I HAVE LIED TO MY SCHOOL. I HAVE TOLD THEM I WAS SICK ALTHOUGH I WAS JUST TRUANT.. BUT I DIDN’T CARE IF I GRADUATED. I HAVE LIED TO MY FAMILY… I HAVE TOLD THEM THAT I LOVE THEM

EXAMPLES OF MY SNEAKY, DISHONEST BEHAVIOR I WOULD USE MARIJUANA FREQUENTLY. I WOULD SPEND MONEY MY MOM WOULD GIVE ME ON WEED, WHICH I ACTUALLY FOUND OUT IS A TYPE OF FINANCIAL ABUSE. I HAD DONE THIS SINCE HIGH SCHOOL WHEN SHE WOULD GIVE ME LUNCH MONEY AND INSTEAD OF BUYING LUNCH, I WOULD BUY WEED. I WAS IN DESPERATION BECAUSE I COULD NOT FIND A JOB AND MARIJUANA WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME LESS DOWN IN THE DUMPS, SO I HAD A NICE ROUTINE OF BORROWING MONEY AND LIGHTING UP SO I COULD FEEL LESS LIKE TRASH. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND AT THE TIME THAT SHE WAS NEVER VERY WELL OFF AND DID NOT HAVE EXTRA MONEY TO BE USING ON MY DRUG USE. I JUST REMEMBER BEING A GIRL AND THINKING SHE WAS SO RICH AND SMART THAT SHE HAD PLENTY AND ME ASKING FOR SOME EVERY SO OFTEN REALLY WOULDN’T HURT HER FINANCES. I WOULD SAY “WELL I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A JOB CONSTANTLY, BUT NO ONE WILL HIRE ME. I AM GETTING LUNCH. HOW COULD ANYONE IN THE WORLD LIVE OFF 10$ A DAY? SO I’D RECEIVE MORE MOSTLY IN 5$ INCREMENTS UNTIL I’D HAVE ENOUGH FOR A 10$ SACK AND A HALF TANK OF GAS. THE TEN SACK WAS ABOUT A GRAM AND WOULD LAST ME 2-3 DAYS. I WAS UNEMPLOYED FOR 4 YEARS. DISABILITY I HAD APPLIED TO 2X, LAST IN APRIL OF 2017, THEY WOULD NOT ACCEPT ME. IT WAS ALWAYS, “YOU’RE NOT DISABLED ENOUGH OR YOU HAVEN’T WORKED ENOUGH TO RECEIVE ANY BENEFITS.” I GUESS, I PUT ON A GOOD ACT WHEN I GO TO THE DISABILITY OFFICE TO APPEAR NOT DISABLED ENOUGH. I NEVER FOUND THAT FAIR BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE RECEIVING DISABILITY AND I GUESS IT WAS TOO MUCH WORK TO GIVE BENEFITS TO JUST ONE MORE. SO I HAVE RECENT GOTTEN WORK AND AM GIVING MONEY BACK YO MY MOM. SHE MUST HAVE LOANED ME A COUPLE THOUSAND FOR DRUG/ALCOHOL/GAS MONEY. I AM TRYING TO GIVE HER ALL OF THAT BACK AND PAY OFF HER CAR. WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU WERE CAUGHT LYING: HAD TO SERVE 2 YEARS PROBATION 15 DAYS IN JAIL PAY FINES OF 7,000$+

IMPACT OF YOUR DISHONESTY: I HAVE HURT THE SHADOW MAN. I HAVE UNDERMINED HIS MANHOOD AND DEMANNED HIM TO MAKE HIM ANGRY WITH ME.

HOW YOU HAVE HURT YOURSELF: BECAUSE OF MY DRINKING AND DRIVING I HAVE BEEN HELD HOSTAGE FOR 1 YEAR AND 7 MONTHS. I USED TO WALK TO LEAVE BUT THEN I ANGERED THE SHADOW MAN AND HE HURT ME SO I CAN NO LONGER LEAVE MY HOME. I WILL MOSTLY ROCK BACK AND FORTH IN THE CORNER.

FEELINGS THAT OCCURRED BECAUSE OF YOUR DISHONESTY: RATHER BY ALONE, WANT TO RUN AWAY…. SO I WOULD ROCK BACK AND FORTH IN THE CORNER AND CRY

POSITIVE EFFECTS FROM TAKING THE RISK TO BE HONEST: I CAN LEAVE THE PLACE I AM HELD HOSTAGE IN, RUN FROM THE SHADOW MAN AND NOT BE PUT IN HARMS WAY EVER AGAIN.

HOW TO BE MORE REAL WITH THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE: I DON’T HAVE ANY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE

DEVELOP A GOAL FOR IMPROVING YOUR ABILITY TO BE HONEST IN RECOVERY. DEVELOP A PLAN TO BE MORE AND MORE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS: STOP DRINKING AND DRIVING DO WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY GET OUT OF HARMS WAY

DENIAL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE MAY CAUSE YOU TO NOT SEE THINGS THE WAYS OTHERS SEE THEM. NOT NOTICE THEY ARE WRECKING HAVOC ON YOUR LIFE. MAY NOT SEE THEIR USE AS A PROBLEM, LIKE OTHERS DO. DENIAL KEEPS THE PROBLEM GOING. DENIAL IS CAUSED BY FEAR. PEOPLE ARE AFRAID IF THEY ASK FOR HELP AND ADMIT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM PEOPLE WILL LABEL THEM AS “WEAK” “CRAZY” OR “A BAD PERSON” ENABLING IS WHEN OTHERS SEE THE USER HAS A PROBLEM BUT DOES NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT TYPES OF DENIAL 1) MINIMIZING – SOMEONE MAKES SOMETHING BIG SEEM SMALL. “IT IS JUST MARIJUANA IT IS THE SAME AS BEING SOBER, BUT ENHANCED.” “AT LEAST I WAS NOT SLAMMING.” OR I.E. “I ONLY SMOKE WEED A FEW TIMES A WEEK.”

2) RATIONALIZING – USES REASONS OR EXCUSES TO USE “IT’S MY WAY.” “WELL, IF IT WERE LEGAL, I WOULD USE.” “USE IS A THING OF LIFE.” “IT HAS HEALTH BENEFITS.” “IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER” “I’M ALREADY LATE SO I WILL CONTINUE USING” TEXTBOOK: “IT IS MY BIRTHDAY, SO IT IS OK TO GET DRUNK.”

3)BLAMING – AVOIDING RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR CHOICES BY POINTING FINGER, LIKE OTHERS CAUSE OUR PROBLEMS. “THEY PROVIDED IT AND OFFERED.” “WIFE USED ME TO DO BUSINESS.” “IT’S YOUR FAULT.” “FUCK THE POLICE.” “HEALTHCARE PROVIDED HIM WITH THE MEDICATION…. FOR MANY YEARS” TEXTBOOK: “MY PARENTS WON’T STOP NAGGING ME SO I GET HIGH.”

4)LYING – WEAVE A COMPLEX WEB TO COVER LIES. LIE ABOUT USE. EASY TO LIE. “IF I WAS CONFRONTED ABOUT LYING, I WOULD NOT DENY IT… I CALLED UP A COP ONCE AND ASKED HIM TO TAKE ME IN.” “BECAUE YOU SAW ME WITH IT, I’M NOT GOING TO BS YOU.” WOULD LIE TO WIFE ABOUT USE. TEXTBOOK: WHEN WE ARE AT A USING PARTY, WE SAY, “I WAS JUST AT A FRIENDS HOUSE!”

5)INTELLECTUALIZING OR COMPARING – COMPARE TO OTHERS TO MAKE OUR PROBLEMS SEEM SMALLER. “THEY DO NOT HARASS THE RICH FOLK IN THE MCMANSIONS.” “WELL, WHY CAN’T I USE?” “THEY HAVE NO SOULS ANYWAY AND JUST SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY ON DRUGS. WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE. FOR WHOM ARE WE TRYING TO STOP RANDOM USERS FROM USE?” “SO & SO LIVED IN A TENT, I DID NOT.”

6)DIVERTING – CHANGING THE TOPIC WHEN ASKED ABOUT USE. “WHERE YOU USING LAST NIGHT?” “WHAT DO YOU THINK!!!” LOOK AT HER AND WALK OFF. “HEY IT’S MY LIFE. YOU DON’T MATTER ANYWAY.” “DO I KNOW YOU?” ONE PERSON’S TENT IS ANOTHER’S PALM TREE. TEXTBOOK: “YOU CAN HOME PRETTY LATE LAST NIGHT” “WELL, DID ANYONE CALL FOR ME?”

7)ANGER – EXPLODE WITH ANGER WHEN CONFRONTED “DAMN YOU! YOU MUST BE THE HIGH AND MIGHTY ALL POWERFUL!!” “WHO ARE YOU TO TOUCH MY PROPERTY!!” ANGRY IF I WAS HIDING DRUGS AND SOMEONE WAS SNOOPING. ANGRY WIFE SO HE DISSOCIATED

HOW TO HELP OVERCOME DENIAL. IT IS POSSIBLE! CONFRONT THEM WHEN THEY USE THOSE TYPES OF STRATEGIES. YOU WILL KNOW THEY ARE CURED WHEN!!! OPENLY ACKNOWLEDGES EXISTENCE OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE PROBLEM…. “YEAH, I USE.” ACCEPST RESPONSIBILITH FOR THEIR CHOICES AND BEHAVIORE…. “MY BAD HOMIE.” LESS DEFENSIVE AND MORE OPEN….. “WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME?” SEES CONNECTION BETWEEN USE AND LIFE PROBLEMS… “NOW THAT I USE I CANNOT BUY A MANSION” INCREASE IN HONESTY……… “I USE FREQUENT AND PREFER IT TO SOBRIETY.. AFTER TRYING BOTH WAYS.” DEALS WITH PROBLEMS WITH CONTINUED POSITIVE ACTIONS…… “I WON’T USE EVERY DAY.” MY CHOICE..NO BIG DEAL

THE LAST TIME I USED WISHFUL THINKING WAS WHEN: I WISHED I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS WHEN IN REALITY: YOU EITHER HAVE TO WORK FOR MANY YEARS OR BE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO RECEIVE A MILLION DOLLARS. THE LAST TIME I ISOLATED WAS WHEN: I LOCK MYSELF AWAY WHEN IN REALITY: YOU WILL NEVER BE ALL ALONE AS YOU WOULD LIKE THE LAST TIME I USED DEFIANCE WAS WHEN: I PUNCHED A HOLE IN THE WALL. “I FIGHT MYSELF, BUT I LOSE.” WHEN IN REALITY: NOW IT LOOKS BAD PROVIDES ME WITH A NEGATIVE MOOD WHEN I REALIZE I CANNOT FIX IT PERFECTLY. I HAVE TO PAYTO FIX IT AND DON’T EVEN KNOW IF ANYONE ELSE COULD FIX IT PERFECTLY. THE LAST TIME I USED MY OWN DEPENDENCY WAS WHEN: SINCE I CAN’T DRIVE, I WALKED 1000 MILES IN 8-10 MONTHS… TO MARKETS TO FEED MYSELF. WHEN IN REALITY: I COULD HAVE JUST DROVE WITHOUT HAVING THIS CHARGE! THE LAST TIME I MINIMIZED WAS WHEN: THIS USE OF A LIL WEED I HAVE LEFT WON’T HURT ME WHEN IN REALITY: WANT MORE WHEN I RUN OUT THE LAST TIME I RATIONALIZED WAS WHEN: “I CAN FIX IT” WHEN IT REALITY: TAKES HARD WORK TO FIX A THING THE LAST TIME I USED BARGAINING: IF YOU DOTHIS JOB WITH ME I WILL BE ABLE TO PAY YOU BACK, PAY OFF YOUR LOAN, YOU WILL NOT BE BEHIND AND IT IS A STEADY INCOME WHEN IN REALITY: IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH MONEYTO GET ANYTHING ACCOMPLISHED.. HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GOING BACK ON UNEMPLOYMENT LINE AGAIN. THE WORST PLACE TO BE.

STINKING THINKING WHAT DOES STINKING THINKING MEAN TO YOU? SUCKS TO HAVE BRAIN LIST NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ON RECOVERY. WASTE OF MY VERY LIMITED TIME ALIVE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I NEED TO ACCOMPLISH THEY GOT ME INTO THIS CRAP AGAIN? WHO AM I DOING THIS FOR? --RECOVERY IS TOO HARD AND NOT WORTH IT-- --GRADUATED BEFORE BUT KEPT USING HAD TO REDO-- HAVE YOU EVER USED LIP SERVICE TO APPEASE YOUR COUNSELOR? …YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY, WHATEVER, BALOONEY. OR “I AM DOING QUITE FINE!!!” HAVE YOU EVER LIED ABOUT YOUR RECOVERY? DON’T BRING UP SPORADIC USE… KEEP SOBER DATE AS NEW YEARS 2017, BUT I HAVE USED SPORADICALLY SINCE. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO FOLLOW ALL THE RULES ALL THE TIME? ..OF WHOM AM I FOLLOWING THIS RULE FOR??.. DO YOU FIND YOURSELF REPEATING SLOGANS ABOUTYOUR RECOVERY IN HOPES OF WINNING APPROVAL? ..”YOU CAN DO IT!” DO YOU BELIEVE ONE DAY YOU CAN BECOME A SOCIAL DRINKER? SOCIALIZING WHO NEEDS IT.. WHAT IS UNREALISTIC BELIEF OR GOAL YOU HAVE? MOVE..ERASE THE LAST YEARS OF MY LIFE.. ERASE MY WHOLE EXISTENCE FROM EVER HAPPENING… ERASE THE COP INTERFERENCES.. ERASE MY MISSED CHANCES GO BACK AND DO IT AGAIN BEFORE EVERYTHING BECOMES SO PAINFUL AND TRAUMATIC. ARE RULES JUST FOR FOOLS? WHOSE RULES? NOTHING MATTERS. WHAT DID RULES HELP ANYONE ACHIEVE? TOTAL CONTROL? A BETTER WORLD? WHO KNOWS. DESCRIBE SOME CORNER CUTTING THAT YOU HAVE DONE RECENTLY. I HAVE FORGOTTEN WHO I AM DESCRIBE HOW YOU ARE CHEATING ON YOUR RECOVERY. MINIMIZE IT AS A RECOVERY I DO NOT NEED DO YOU FEEL OTHER PEOPLE ARE RUNNING YOUR LIFE? I AM IN THEIR GOVERNMENTALLY STRUCTURED CLASS TODAY. --FOR WHOM BY WHOM?—I HAVE NOT LIVED UP TO MY FULL POTENTIAL IN 2 YEARS. I HAVE NOT BEEN HAPPY OR FOUND MEANING OR SPIRITUAL FULFILLMENT IN THESE 2 YEARS. DO YOU MAKE PROMISES WITH NO INTENTION OF CHANGING? NO DO I SOMETIMES FEEL THAT MY COUNSELOR IS A FOOL? DOESN’T MATTER WOULD BE CHAOS WITHOUT RULES LIST FIVE WAYS YOU HAVE ACTED IMMATURE IN THE PAST WEEK. I HAVE CRIED. WHAT DOES “HE’S ALL TALK” MEAN? DOES THIS DESCRIBE YOU? NOTHING TO SHOW FOR – EMPTY WORDS- TALK IS CHEAP DESCRIBE HOW YOU ARE SNEAKY AND MANIPULATIVE. I STOLE MY MOM’S CAR WHEN SHE WAS ON VACATION TO SEE ONE OF MY FAVORITE ROCK BANDS IN CONCERT IN LAS VEGAS. I WAS LEFT HERE IN A PILE OF DIRT. I DIDN’T WANT TO BE HERE SO I TOOK THE CAR AND WENT TO HUNTINGTON AND BOUGHT WEED FROM THE REC SHOP. ADDICTION SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS TOLERANCE: YOU NEED TO USE MORE ALCOHOL AND DRUGS TO FEEL THE DESIRED EFFECT THE SAME AMOUNT OF ALCHOL OR DRUGS DOESN’T DO WHATIT USED TO WITHDRAWL: WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE ALCOHOL OR DRUGS, YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY CRAVING: YOU THINKABOUT DRUGS OR ALCOHOL FREQUENTLY LOSS OF CONTROL: YOU’VE FELT AT TIMES THAT YOU COULDN’T FIT IN OR FEEL GOOD WITHOUT ALCOHOL OR DRUGS YOU HAVE BLACKED OUT (OR HAD PERIODS OF TIME IN WHICH YOU HAVE NO MEMORY) WHEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL OR DRUGS YOU HAVE USED ONE OR MORE DRUGS WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS OR HOW IT WOULD AFFECT YOU. LEGAL PROBLEMS: YOU HAVE BEEN ARRESTED OR HAD OTHER LEGAL PROBLEMS AS A RESULT OF DRINKING OR USING PROBLEMS IN SOCIAL OR OCCPATIONAL FUNCTIONS: YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO FULFILL IMPORTANT ROLE OBLIGATIONS SUCH AS HOUSEHOLD CHORES, FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES, OR CARING FOR CHILDREN OR OTHER LOVED ONES, AS A RESULT OF DRINKING OR USING IMPAIRMENT OR DISTRESS RESULTING FROM USE: YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF FOR EXAMPLE NOT EATING WELL OR NOT PRACTICING GOOD HYGIENE BECAUSE OF YOUR ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE

WE ALL FACE STRESS, WE ALL DON’T SMOKE CRACK THOUGH PROSECUTER FIGHT BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL KEEP FROM GETTING COMPLACENT CANNIBANOID RECEPTORS IN BRAIN ONLY DRUG THAT ALREADY HAS RECEPTORS IN BRAIN AND RELEASES VERY SMALL AMOUNTS OF THC IN BRAIN REGULARLY CRF INJECTION --CHAVEZ DRUG LORDS… EL TORO..MEXICAN MAFIA-- DR. REASONS AND SWISS CHEESE MODEL DRANK TO SOBRIETY MOVIES – 28 DAYS, WALK THE LINE, REQUIEM FOR A DREAM MISHAP PREVENTION LEADING TO RELAPSE PREVENTION LAVIGNE HEART MCCAULLY STATE DEMIROL—MIDBRAIN STRATIUM—DOPAMINE— GLUTANINE AND GLUTAMATE FLASH FLOODS, A WET BRAIN NAVY PSYCHIATRIST—MEDICAL BOARD POLICE-- PLAN FOR RELAPSE. A MORAL DEFECT IN HIMSELF DISEASE MODEL DIVERSION PROGRAM 6 MO IN JAIL, 5 YEARS PROBATION ON CORONADO ISLAND

“I USED EVERY DAY FOR 5 YEARS, BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE A FUTURE. ALL I LIKE TO DO IS USE. I ONLY EVER QUIT FOR TOLERANCE. I QUIT ONCE IN THAT 5 YEARS TO SEE IF I COULD GET AS HIGH AS THE FIRST 30 TIMES. I DIDN’T SO I THOUGHT 100 DAYS WASN’T LONG ENOUGH. BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO STOP USING FOR ANY LONGER, SO BECAME A DAILY USER AGAIN.”

HOW COMMON IS DRUG AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION? APPROXIMATELY 10% OF ANY POPULATION HAS AN ADDICTION (~ 700,000,000 PEOPLE) ADDICTION IS MORE COMMON THAN DIABETES (7%) PEOPLE ONLY STOP WHEN THEY HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES. WHY STOP OTHERWISE? 1) ADDICTION IS PROGRESSIVE USE INCREASES IN AMOUNT AND/OR BECOMES MORE FREQUENT MORE IS NEEDED TO GET THE SAME EFFECT SEEKS MORE POWERFUL SUBSTANCES (I.E. CHANGES METHOD/TYPE OF SUBSTANCES USED) BEGINS USE IN MORNINGS, BEFORE SOCIAL EVENTS, ETC PROTECTS/HIDE STASH OBSESSION AND FANTASIZING ABOUT USE EXPERIENCES A TRUSTED RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SUBSTANCE 2) ADDICTION IS CHRONIC FINANCIAL PROBLEMS LEGAL ISSUES (DUIS, POSSESSION CHARGES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE) 3) ADDICTION IS POTENTIALLY FATAL OVERDOSE/SUICIDE ATTEMPTS 4) ADDICTION HAS IDENTIFIABLE SYMPTOMS BLACKOUTS CHANGES IN TOLERANCE PREOCCUPATION WITH ALCOHOL/DRUGS (BEOMES MOST IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE) WITHDRAWL SYMPTOMS (TREMORS, HALLUCINATIONS, SWEATS, ANXIETY, ETC) 5) ADDICTION CAUSES LIFE DETERIORATION 6)ADDICTION IS A PRIMARY DISEASE I DIDN’T LIKE THE OTHER ME 7)ADDICTION IS PREVENTABLE ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

FIVE COMMON PROBLEMS IN EARLY RECOVERY: NEW SOLUTIONS EVERYONE WHO TRIES TO STOP USE RUNS INTO VERY DIFFICULT SITUATIONS THAT MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN SOBRIETY

PROBLEM: CONTINUING ASSOCIATION WITH OLD FRIENDS OR FRIENDS WHO USE CAN CAUSE TRIGGERS NEW ALTERNATIVE: MAKE NEW FRIENDS AT 12 STEP RECOVERIES! …….OR SPIRITUAL RECOVERY GROUPS, NEW ACTIVITIES THAT WILL ENCOURAGE YOU TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH SOBER PEOPLE

PROBLEM: ANGER OR IRRITABILITY – SMALL EVENTS MAY CAUSE ANGER THAT WILL PROMPT USING NEW ALTERNATIVE: RECOVERY INVOLVES A HEALING OF BRAIN CHEMISTRY.. MOODS WILL BE AFFECTED (ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES) “NOTHING HAPPENS THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I NEED A DRINK”

PROBLEM: ALCOHOLIN THE HOME NEW ALTERNATIVE: GET RID OF IT ALL, IF POSSIBLE, ASK PEOPLE TO STOP USING IN THE HOME IF POSSIBLE. MOVE OUT.

PROBLEM: BOREDOM OR LONELINESS NEW ALTERNATIVE: GO BACK TO ACTIVITIES YOU ENJOYED BEFORE YOUR ADDICTION

PROBLEM: SPECIAL OCCASIONS NEW ALTERNATIVE: LEAVE, DON’T GO

1. ARE ANY OF THESE A PROBLEM FOR YOU? GETTING ANGRY -> FEELING LIKE I AM BEING WATCHED/FOLLOWED

2. HOW DO YOU DEAL?

TAKE A NAP. BE ALONE. REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. BE THANKFUL AT LEAST I’M NOT SOMEONE ELSE. I.E. A LOSER.

“I CAME HERE TO STOP USING DRUGS, NOT TO STOP DRINKING.” - DRUG TREATMENT INCLUDES STOPPING ALCOHOL AS WELL. IT IS PART OF RECOVERYFROM “ADDICTION”

“I’VE DRUNK AND NOT USED SO IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.” - DRINKING OVER TIME GREATLY INCREASES THE RISK OF RELAPSE AND READDICTION.

“DRINKING ACTUALLY HELPS. WHEN I HAVE CRAVINGS, A DRINK CALMS ME DOWN AND THE CRAVINGS GO AWAY.” - ALCOHOL INTERFERES WITH THE CHEMICALS IN THE BRAIN. CONTINUED USE OF ALCOHOL ACTUALLY INCREASES CRAVINGS, EVEN IF ONE DRINK REDUCES THEM.

“I’M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC SO WHY DO I NEED TO STOP DRINKING?” - IF YOU’RE NOT ADDICTED, YOU SHOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM STOPPING.

“I’M NEVER GOING TO USE DRUGS AGAIN, BUT I’M NOT SURE I’LL NEVER DRINK AGAIN.” - MAKE A COMMITMENT TO TOTAL ABSTINENCE! MAKE A DECISION ABOUT ALCOHOL WITH A DRUG-FREE BRAIN.

1. HAS YOUR ADDICTED BRAIN PRESENTED YOU WITH OTHER JUSTIFICATIONS FOR DRINKING ALCOHOL? ALCOHOL IS FUN AND MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY. I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO ANYWAY. LIFE ENDS EVENTUALLY, GOOD TO LIVE WHILE I CAN. A DAY UNHAPPY IS A DAY WASTED. ALCOHOL MAKE CELEBRATIONS HAPPIER. IF IT IS A RANDOM TUESDAY, ALCOHOL CAN MAKE IT INTO A CELEBRATION.

2. HOW ARE YOU PLANNING TO DEAL WITH ALCOHOL ISSUES IN THE FUTURE? I WILL HOLD OFF ON GOING OVERBOARD. I USED TO DRINK SO MUCH THAT I WOULD VOMIT ABOUT 2 LITERS WORTH THEN I WOULD PASS OUT. ONE TIME I ABOUT FLOODED MY HOUSE BECAUSE I BLACKED OUT WHILE DRINKING BOUT 10 SHOTS IN A ROW. I WILL SAY I CAN ONLY HAVE 1 OR 2 DRINKS, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO ANGER MY PO OR THE POLICE BECAUSE THEY SCARE ME.

EXTERNAL TRIGGERS QUESTIONARE

TIMES/PLACES YOU MAY USE: HOME ALONE, HOME WITH FRIENDS, FRIEND’S HOUSE, PARTIES, MOVIES, CLUBS, CONCERTS, WITH FRIENDS WHO USE DRUGS, BEFORE A DATE, DURING A DATE, BEFORE SEXUAL ACTIVITIES, DURING SEXUAL ACTIVITIES, WHEN CARRYING MONEY, DRIVING, LIQUOR STORE, AFTER PAYDAY, BEFORE GOING OUT TO DINNER, BEFORE BREAKFAST, AFTER WORK, SCHOOL, THE PARK, IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, WEEKENDS, WHEN IN PAIN

ONCE I USED BEFORE GOING TO A CLASS PROJECT AT THE CAPITOL CITY HALL BUILDING. A BUNCH OF OLD DUDES VOTING ON LAWS

LIST OTHER TIMES YOU USE: WHEN I WAKE UP AND HAVE SHIT ELSE TO DO ALL DAMN YEAR UNTO INFINITY BECAUSE I AM UNEMPLOYED. WHEN I AM HAVING A SHITTY TERRIBLE DAY.

LIST OCCASSIONS WHERE YOU WOULD NOT USE: GOING TO CHURCH, AIRPORT, AROUND POLICE, BEFORE WORK, WHEN AROUND EMPLOYERS, DURING A COURT HEARING FOR MYSELF, DURING DRUG CLASS OR PROBATION, WHILE AT A HOSPITAL.

LIST PEOPLE YOU COULD BE WITH AND NOT USE: ANY DAMN PERSON.

WHAT EMOTIONS WOULD MAKE YOU WANT TO USE: HAPPY, CONFIDENT, PASSIONATE, RELAXED, EXCITED, BORED, LONELY….. FABULOUS

ALMOST NEVER USE: ASLEEP ALWAYS USE: AWAKE

HAVE YOU GOT IN A FIGHT RECENTLY THAT HAS MADE YOU WANT TO USE: CHECKED YES. I AM HAPPIER WHEN I USE AND I THINK IT IS A NORMAL THING TO DO. I NEVER PLANNED TO STOP USE UNTIL GOVERNMENT INTERFERED. I DID NOT SMOKE WEED FOR THE PEOPLE INVOLVED WITH THE GOVERNMENT AND I DID NOT SMOKE WEED TO BE A STATISTIC FOR HEALTHCARE REPRESENTATIVES. I SMOKED WEED FOR MYSELF AND TO MAKE MYSELF HAVE THE BEST LIFE IMAGINABLE. I AM EXCITED TO MOVE TO A LEGAL STATE AND CONTINUING SMOKING MARIJUANA. YA KNOW, SOMEWHERE IN PRIVACY THERE.

Post Acute Withdrawal

Chinden wendys

Psychiatric Lingo

They call it Regnerative Degenerative or INTERMITTENT

Regenerative….. it will all be better soon

Degenerative ……. Symptoms get WORSE

Intermittent …… days when symptoms are better….. symptoms come and go

It is ok now Now it is bad again Now it is ok Now it is bad

Traditional treatment does not treat Most common is regenerative and then intermittent

Suicide epidemic

The weaker your resistance begins Tetanus Cut yourself on a piece of rusted metal

Lack of attention to your “recovery plan”

Stress is linchpin

Atheist/Satanist

Irrationality YOU CAN SPEAK YOUR MIND

BUT MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE AROUND YOU THINKS YOU ARE MAKING SENSE

HOW DID YOU GET HERE

STRESS GUILT CONFUSION

FIGHT A BATTLE WITHOUT A NAME

LEARNING TO TAKE THINGS A STEP THEN ANOTHER STEP

NOT OVER-REACTING TO THE SYMPTOMS.

ABSITENCE ALONE DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH TO PROVIDE YOU WITH GOOD HEALTH.

HOW MANY CALORIES DO I NEED EACH DAY NUTRITIONIST???? 5,000?

NO SUGAR AND NO CAFFIENE FOR A RECOVERING ADDICT. DO NOT SKIP MEALS

DO NOT EAT POTATO CHIPS SODA CANDY

DO NOT DRINK FOOD THAT PRODUCE STRESS LIKE CANDY JELLY SYRUP

LET DOWN AN HOUR LATER

JANE A RECOVERING ALCOHOL ATE ICE CREAM EVERY NIGHT

EATING ICE CREAM HELP HER REDUCE CRAVING FOR ALCOHOL

SLUGGISH AND IRRITABLE COULD NOT GET ALONG WITHOUT IT

NO BREAKFAST

CAFFEINE CAUSE NERVOUS AND RESTLESSNESS

IRREGULAR SLEEP CAUSES IRRITABILITY

EXCERSIZE REDUCES STRESS

NATURES TRANQUILIZERS

STRETCHING AND AEROBIC.

RAISE HEART RATE TO 75% OF MAXIMUM

JOGGING SWIMMING JUMPING ROPE

ABLE TO BE MORE PRODUCTIVE

EXERCISE 3-4 TIMES A WEEK

MAKE TIME FOR EVERY DAY

EVERY DAY THAT YOU DO NOT EXERCISE YOU ARE TREATING YOURSELF

NO PAIN NO GAIN

COPE LAUGHING PLAYING READING

Relapse fight/flight

Muscle cannot relax and tense at the same time

It is impossible to remain tense and relax

Can imagine yourself in a better place

Spiritual divination

Gives your life purpose!!!

Peace of mind through no limitations 😊

Can reach with hope with a positive attitude

Do not have to be open to higher powers

Prayer through spirituality

biopsychosocial

spiritually retold

wholesome living

self-fulfillment

optimum stress level

walter was irritable and anxious

experienced more about saturday

how did your week go???

Friday in wilder

missed 2 UAs – got a car

doesn’t like being alone

can’t get rides to his UA

has 4 classes a week

lives in meridian

thinking about how to get here on his off days

chris

relapse lost his job

new job at Wendy’s

nueropsych test

5 hour

st. als

major traumatic brain injury

2005

high speed rollover accident

pole thrown at her head in the back side

how to deal with problems when they occur

don’t worry

be patient

retrain your brain is rehab to be a new person

longer a peron is sober the less the symptoms become

NA and AA

EARLY RECOVERY

My use will effect them

you have to forget about them if you are putting the pipe to your mouth or you will feel guilty

I was isolated at the drug house

2 notes · View notes

hysterialevi · 5 years

Text

When the Devil Cries pt. 28

Fanfic summary: (NO SPOILERS IN THIS STORY) After arriving in Saint Denis, Arthur ends up falling in love with a seemingly innocent pianist, only to find himself in a battle with one of the most notorious outlaws to ever emerge from America. Now, between working for Dutch and robbing money for the gang, Arthur has to also protect the man he loves as the two of them try to find their freedom.

Pairing: Arthur Morgan/Male OC

Author’s note: Sorry about the longer wait for this chapter, guys. I hit a bit of a writer’s block with this one, but I hope you enjoy it now that it’s done! Also, real quick, I wanted to thank you all for the support you’ve been showing me on this story. I’m still getting messages from you saying how much you’re liking the fic and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it. It really makes this worthwhile :)

Previous chapter

This story is also on AO3

From Arthur’s POV

ONE WEEK LATER

BEAVER HOLLOW

Finishing my drawing of this camp, I flipped to the next page and began writing a few words on it, hopin’ to scribble down some of my thoughts while I had the opportunity to relax for a moment.

The new camp wasn’t as bad as I was expecting it to be -- considerin’ Micah picked it -- but despite all of his assurances, something still felt...off...about the area.

I couldn’t quite place it, but when the caravan arrived at Beaver Hollow, one o’ the first things I noticed was the multiple bloodstains decorating our new home. Micah insisted it weren’t nothing to worry about -- and Dutch seemed more than okay with settling down here -- but it was still pretty obvious that someone else had been livin’ here before we moved in.

The dried bloodstains, the ominous cave, the random crates of weapons and dynamite that were left behind by the previous owners...it was clear that this wasn’t exactly a “sanctuary.” And there was also the fact that most of the locals avoided Beaver Hollow like the goddamned plague.

I had no idea what made this place so portentous, but regardless of whatever dangers we was gonna have to deal with out here, Beaver Hollow was still a helluva lot better than Shady Belle. It may not’ve had a big manor for us to sleep in, but it also weren’t riddled with old bullet holes, gators, marshlands, and for the first time in a while, we actually had some fresh air to breathe.

Perhaps we’d make a home of this place yet. I just hoped it wouldn’t be for very long.

Putting my pencil down, I shut the journal closed and slipped it back into my satchel, only to be stopped mid-action when I overheard some commotion goin’ on at Pearson’s wagon.

It didn’t look like Pearson himself was involved with whatever was happening, but Eddie had just brought in a deer carcass and was now arguing with Micah at the moment. Things were still civil, and I doubted Eddie would let it escalate too much, but I listened in anyways, hopin’ to at least hear something that would give me a good enough reason to strangle Micah if need be.

“--and Dutch said you was gonna be useful,” Micah retorted, gesturing to the deer. “Look at this thing. It’s almost as skinny as you. Who the hell’s this gonna feed? Jack?”

Eddie sighed in annoyance, stabbing his knife into a wooden table. “Well, I don’t see you feeding anyone. When was the last time you went out hunting in the woods?”

The other man chuckled in a condescending tone, pointing to his head. “I’m too busy helpin’ Dutch come up with plans. Someone’s gotta help the old man, after all, now that Hosea’s gone. He just needs a little...guidance. But we all have to pull our weight, Ryan. We all have to earn our keep. At least...” Micah glanced over at Uncle, “...that was the idea.”

Yanking his knife out the table, Eddie took hold of the deer and started skinnin’ it, doing his absolute best to ignore Micah.

“If you think you can do better, be my guest. Now, shut up and go bother someone else. I have to get this thing ready for Pearson.”

Micah laughed at that and began sauntering in Dutch’s direction, wavin’ a casual goodbye to Eddie as he took his leave.

“Whatever you say, Ryan.”

Waiting for the man to disappear from sight, Tilly suddenly joined the conversation once Micah was outta earshot and tried to reassure Eddie, holdin’ her book close to her chest as she spoke.

“Don’t listen to him, Eddie,” she encouraged. “We all see the work you’re doin’ for this gang. I know Arthur certainly does.”

The pianist softened his voice slightly and wiped some sweat off his brow, taking a break from the skinning.

“Thanks, Tilly...but Micah’s right. This deer hardly has any meat on it. In fact, most of the animals in this region don’t. It’s rare to see a healthy buck in these parts.”

The woman let out a concerned breath. “I hope not. We got a lotta mouths to feed. Anyway...I’ll let you get back to work. And I probably should too, before Grimshaw threatens to tan my hide again.”

“Sure.”

Returnin’ to their chores, Tilly wandered to a different part of the camp while Eddie stayed behind and continued slicing at the deer, causing me to walk over to him now that he was by himself.

I didn’t know what the hell Micah’s problem was with Eddie, but it seemed as if things had grown more tense between ‘em over the past few days. I mean, nobody in the gang was particularly fond of Micah anyways, but it felt especially uncomfortable when those two were near each other.

Fortunately however, I was around camp most of the time, so Micah usually left Eddie alone. Though I still couldn’t help but wonder where this sudden hatred was comin’ from. Was it ‘cause Eddie was the youngest? Was it because he was close with me? I really didn’t know. Maybe the boy would have some answers.

Walkin’ up behind the pianist, I peeked over his shoulder and displayed a small smile, hoping to cheer him up a little.

“You okay, Eddie?” I asked. “What was that all about?”

Turning around to face me, Eddie stood up from the ground and squinted as the sun hit his eyes, makin’ him look even more annoyed than before.

“Oh, it’s nothing...” he brushed off. “It’s just -- the camp was running low on food so, I went to go hunting earlier, but...” Eddie glanced at the deer, “I dunno, Arthur. This place is strange. All the animals...they look sick. They’re so...weak and fragile.”

I nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I was fishin’ at the Elysian Pool the other day. Caught a nice pike...but the bastard looked like it had been dead for a week already.”

Eddie cleaned his hands with a rag. “That’s what I’m talking about. Everything looks diseased here. Even the people. Have you been to Butcher Creek yet? The residents there are even worse than the deer.” The pianist let out an uneasy sigh. “You don’t...you don’t suppose there could be some illness going around Roanoke Ridge?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “I certainly hope not. Our people are hungry already. Last thing we need’s for them to be sick, too.”

“Then we should stop eating the animals here altogether. We’d be safer sticking to the canned foods, but that stuff costs money. Which is another thing we’re low on.”

I paused out of confusion. “What? What happened to the money we just robbed from the riverboat?”

Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know. Apparently, Dutch has stashed most of it away somewhere...in a...secret box, or something.”

A scoff escaped me. “Ah, o’ course. He does that with every camp. Just to make sure our money’s safe. But...hey, tell you what. Why don’t you keep skinnin’ that deer, and I’ll head into town? Buy some more provisions. Also see if I can’t find another place to hit in Annesburg.”

The boy quickly put a hand on my chest, stoppin’ me in my tracks.

“Wait, don’t go alone. I’d feel better knowing you were with someone.”

I briefly scanned the camp with my eyes, choosing a partner to come with me.

“Alright,” I agreed. “What about Sadie?”

Eddie chuckled. “Well, she might start another shootout if there are any O’Driscolls in town, but at least I know you’ll be in good hands. Just...be careful, okay? Both of you.”

“Of course.”

Sayin’ goodbye, the pianist pecked a short kiss on my cheek and playfully patted my face, making me turn a bit red since most of the gang could see us here.

“Eddie--!” I mumbled awkwardly. The other man did nothing but laugh.

“Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Anyways,” he gestured outta the camp, “I’ll let you go. Stay safe.”

Nodding at Eddie in response, I began headin’ to the camp’s entrance and called for Sadie along the way, urging her to join me.

“Mrs. Adler!” I exclaimed. “You free? Could use a hand.”

The woman happily accompanied me and followed along at a brisk pace, clearly eager to get outta this dreary forest.

“Sure. What we doing?”

“Nothin’ fancy. Just picking up some supplies in town, lookin’ for tips to investigate. You know the drill.”

Sadie smirked. “Didn’t think you’d ever go shoppin’ with me again after what happened in Rhodes.”

I climbed onto one of the gang’s wagons and helped her onto the seat, taking hold of the reins as a chortle escaped me.

“Oh, you know me, Mrs. Adler. Chaos has a habit o’ finding me anyway. May as well have a friend along when it comes.”

A LITTLE LATER

ANNESBURG

Ridin’ into the gloomy town, Sadie and I already started to see gigantic clouds of smoke blanketing the factories in the distance as they blocked out the white sun and darkened the settlement below, shrouding everything in shadows.

It felt like the entire place was covered in coal dust, and all around me, I could hear folk coughin’ up a storm as they breathed in the toxic air, powerless to prevent the damage they was causing to their lungs.

And if they weren’t workin’ for the mines, most of the people here preferred to stay inside their drab lil’ houses as a way to escape from all the crime littering the streets.

As for the ones who were outside though, they all looked lifeless and completely devoid of any vigor. It was like no one here had seen the sun in decades, and judgin’ by the condition of most of Annesburg’s residents, I doubted there was gonna be any money for us to steal.

Well...I still hoped we’d at least find something.

The gang had been struggling even more ever since that incident with Rodrick, and if we didn’t find a decent score to take soon...we weren’t gonna last for very much longer. It was now or never. We’d have to rob someone eventually...or die off.

“So...” Sadie said, observin’ the dead town, “...any ideas on where to start in a god-awful place like this, Mister Morgan?”

I scoffed, bringing the wagon to a stop. “The exit, probably. Still worth a look though. I imagine these factories require a whole lotta money to stay up and running. Someone’s gotta be funding them.”

She climbed down from the wagon. “True. Well, why don’t you get to searching? In the meantime, I’ll head to the general store and buy some provisions for the camp.”

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you back here in a while. Oh, and Mrs. Adler?”

The woman quirked a brow at me. “Yeah?”

I sighed. “...Keep that gun holstered, will you?”

Sadie snickered playfully. “What kind of a woman do you think I am?”

I chuckled, waving her goodbye. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never met another like you.”

Wanderin’ around Annesburg’s muddy streets, I carefully investigated the different establishments in this place and listened closely to every group of strangers I passed, hoping to overhear any sorta tip or lead.

So far, it sounded as if the only building worth checkin’ out in this hellhole was the gunsmith. Apparently, the people in this town took better care of their firearms than they did themselves. Spent all their money stockin’ up on weapons and ammo, and didn’t have much need for anything else.

I supposed it only made sense with the ridiculous amount of crime in Annesburg, but at the same time, I wasn’t too fond of the idea of robbin’ the only guy in this town who had an entire shop full of guns. There had to be something else.

Hugging a corner, I found myself roamin’ towards the harbor as the smell of salt water hit my nose, and an impressive display of boats came into view. I could hear seagulls cawing, boat engines humming, waves splashing against the pier, and most importantly, an interesting discussion seemed to be taking place among the people there.

I took a step back and concealed myself behind a wall, eavesdropping on the conversation.

“I believe I’ve made myself more than clear, Mister Rose. I have no intentions on getting involved with yet another gang. I have enough problems with outlaws as is.”

I froze. Did that man just say Mister Rose? As in Atticus Rose?

I couldn’t goddamned believe it. What the hell was that bastard doing here?

Peeking around the corner, I squinted through the sunlight and caught a glimpse of the two men participatin’ in this meeting, only to find -- not one -- but two familiar faces talking near one of the boats.

Atticus was here, alright.

And so was Leviticus Cornwall.

“I would encourage you to reconsider, Mister Cornwall,” Atticus said lowly, his tone drenched in venom. “We may stand on opposite sides of the law, but we share the same goal.”

Leviticus let out an amused scoff and addressed one of his employees, hardly listenin’ to Atticus as he ordered his workers around.

“What, money? Well, I can assure you, Mister Rose, that everyone in America shares that goal. Janson! Send a telegram to Goldberg in New York. Tell him I won’t borrow at more than three point two percent...”

“Yes, sir.”

“...And double the security on the stagecoach coming in from West Elizabeth! It’ll be two days before it arrives, and I don’t want anyone laying a single finger on it before it reaches Annesburg!”

“Right away, sir!”

Atticus stood by patiently and thoroughly observed the businessman, his expression barely changing as Cornwall brought his attention back to him.

“Like I said,” Leviticus continued, “outlaws are already making a mockery of me, and I’ve spent a considerable fortune trying to help those...useless Pinkertons find them! The last thing I need is to cross paths with another criminal. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Mister Rose...” the man straightened his tie and began walking away, “I have many things to attend to. Good day.”

But Atticus wasn’t done yet. He simply stayed put and carried on with the discussion, bringin’ up a topic he knew Leviticus wouldn’t be able to ignore.

“Things more important than Dutch van der Linde?”

Cornwall paused at that and glanced over his shoulder, suddenly interested in what Atticus had to say.

“...Van der Linde?” He repeated. “Why? You know something about him?”

Atticus linked his hands together behind his back. “I know he’s in this area. And I also know that now is the perfect time to strike. Dutch is weaker than he’s ever been, Mister Cornwall, but it seems that even now, the law fails to apprehend him. Why not let someone outside the law take him down?”

Leviticus slowly found himself slinkin’ back into the conversation due to Atticus’ persistence and eyed the man up-and-down, his curiosity now piqued.

“Alright, Mister Rose...” he granted, “you have my attention.”

Atticus stepped closer to Cornwall, almost unable to hide the victorious smirk creepin’ onto his face as he proposed an idea.

Before I could listen to anymore of what they were sayin’ however, someone else suddenly snuck up behind me, causin’ me to instantly reach for my gun.

“Relax!” They whispered in an alarmed tone. “It’s just me. Sadie.”

I sighed out of relief. “Jesus, Sadie. I coulda killed you. What’re you doin’ here?”

She smirked. “I was gonna ask you the same thing. What you listenin’ to?”

Tilting my head in Cornwall’s direction, I averted Sadie’s focus to the pier.

“Both Rose and Cornwall are in town.”

Her eyes widened at the news. “The hell? Ah, shit.”

“Yeah,” I replied. “It sounds like they’re teamin’ up against Dutch. They both want him dead.

Sadie shook her head, muttering to herself. “...Son-of-a-bitch. Why is that we can’t take one step without Atticus or his gang showin’ up?”

“I don’t know, but we gotta let Dutch know what’s goin’ on. C’mon, we should head back to camp...before either of them figures out we’re here.”

Mrs. Adler followed me. “I’m right behind you.”

BEAVER HOLLOW

Storming back into camp, Sadie got to work on delivering the provisions to Pearson while I hurried over to Dutch and Micah, admittedly a bit shaken now that I knew Atticus was nearby.

At first, I dismissed Micah’s idea of there bein’ a rat in the gang, but after seeing how quickly Rose seemed to move -- especially when it came to interfering with our plans -- I couldn’t help but concede that he might’ve had a point.

Who would sell us out like that? I mean, sure, not everyone in the gang always saw eye-to-eye with Dutch, but I highly doubted any of them would go as far as to betrayin’ us.

It couldn’t be Marston. Dutch was like a father to him, same as me. It couldn’t be Williamson either. He practically worshipped the man. And it sure as hell weren’t Eddie. This gang was the closest thing to a family he had left. He wouldn’t risk our lives like that.

I supposed that’d be another question for another time. Right now, I just needed to inform Dutch on what the hell was happening between Atticus and Cornwall, and hopefully, convince him to lay low.

“Dutch!” I called out, approaching his tent.

The man stepped out from the shade and walked up to me, eager to see if I had learned anything as Micah tagged along.

“Arthur! There you are. Eddie said you was lookin’ for a tip in Annesburg. You find anything useful?”

I hesitated. “...Well, yes, but--”

“--Let’s hear it, then!”

I breezed through the subject, wantin’ to get straight to the point. “...There’s gonna be a stagecoach comin’ from West Elizabeth in two days. I dunno what’s in it, but apparently it’s gonna be under heavy guard. Must be something valuable.”

Dutch picked up on my anxious tone. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

I stuttered for a moment, unsure of how to deliver the news. “...This stagecoach belongs to Leviticus Cornwall, Dutch. He’s in town. And so is Atticus. They’re both here.”

The spark in the other man’s gaze instantly vanished at that and I could see his brow crinkling in anger, leadin’ me to worry about how he was gonna react.

“...Is that so?” He questioned darkly, his jaw clenching.

“Unfortunately.” I confirmed. “I saw ‘em with my own two eyes. They wanna kill you, Dutch. It’s what they said.”

Glancing at Micah for a second as he processed the situation, Dutch nodded in an assured manner before turnin’ back to me, clearly not taking this as seriously as I expected him to.

“Then I guess we’re gonna be visiting an old friend,” he said with a grin. “You said the coach arrives in two days?”

An irritated sigh escaped me. “We can’t be robbin’ no Leviticus Cornwall stagecoach, Dutch!”

“Why not?”

I spread my arms out, gesturing to the entire camp. “We have enough attention on us already! We rob someone as big as Leviticus, and all we’ll be doing is signing our death warrant. If we wanna leave this country, we gotta do it as quietly as possible.”

Micah hopped into the conversation, pointing an accusatory finger at me. “Oh, what’s happened to you, Morgan? I thought you was a tough boy. Not one of those...gentlemen...trying to protect his ridin’ clothes. But now look at you. You’ve turned yella.”

He chuckled, lookin’ at Dutch. “It’s like I said, boss. That Ryan boy is makin’ him soft.”

I gritted my teeth in annoyance. “All I know is that we’ve lost three of our men in no less than a few weeks. Hosea, Lenny, Strauss -- we keep goin’ on like this and I guarantee we’re gonna lose more.”

Micah put a hand on Dutch’s shoulder. “No, no, no, no. If we wanna leave this country, see, we gotta make a whole lotta noise, Dutch. Think of it as a smoke bomb. While everyone else is all confused and distracted by this mayhem, we’ll just slip away as if nothing happened! Easy as that.”

I glowered at him. “You’re a fool if you think that, Bell. Dutch?”

Staring at the ground in concentration, Dutch considered his options while the two of us waited for a decision, already somewhat suspicious of whose advice he was gonna go with.

I knew Dutch and Leviticus had a bad history with each other -- and truth be told, I wasn’t fond of the man neither -- but I never thought he’d be so reckless as to consider Micah’s plan of robbing the stagecoach.

Lord only knew how many men would be guardin’ it. And on top of that, we didn’t even know what the coach was goddamned carrying in the first place! The cargo might’ve been valuable to Cornwall, but was it valuable to us? As far as I was concerned, it could’ve been worth shit. But clearly, that didn’t matter to Dutch. All he cared about right now was takin’ revenge on those he hated, and part of me feared I was slowly makin’ my way onto that list.

I just prayed he would come to his senses soon. For all our sakes.

“Get ready, boys...” Dutch announced, causin’ me to tilt my head in disappointment as he smiled deviously.

“...We’re gonna be rich.”

#red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #eddie ryan #arthur morgan x male oc #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 story

7 notes · View notes

streiknine-blog · 6 years

Photo

Task 001.

BUT RED WAS WHAT YOU WRAPPED AROUND YOU. BLOOD RED.

—Ted Hughes

BASIC INFORMATION.

Full Name: Vincent James Ouellet Nickname(s): Vin, Vinny, Strychnine, Striker; Strike Age: 28 Date of Birth: 13 February 1990 Hometown: Québec, Québec, Canada Current Location: Dertosa, California Ethnicity: white Nationality: Vincent is Canadian, but his mother was American, so he’s got dual citizenship Gender: cis male Pronouns: he/him Orientation: Vincent is bisexual — but also fun fact he’s never had sex Religion: agnostic — he doesn’t think too hard about it, but I could see him going for something like Roman Reconstructionalist if he actually put thought into it. Political Affiliation: (I don’t know stateside politics and neither does Vincent) Occupation: full-time Poison babey — see also: hitman Living Arrangements: he’s got a small apartment with sparse decorations — really what he was looking for when he got it was somewhere that he’d be able to relax and cook.

The kitchen is the most put-together part of the one-bedroom place, with well-loved pots, pans, and bakeware. A couple nice dishtowels in a white with navy stripes pattern hang from the handle of the oven, and a much more ragged bleach-worn dishtowel is usually seen on the counter (used for wiping up messes as they happen). Little (fake bullet) shell casing salt and pepper shakers sit on the back of the stove, along with a little porcelain rooster — “You have to have a rooster in the kitchen.” Vincent would say, “It’s good luck.” — which its paint is chipping from how old it is.

The living/eating area has a navy and grey rug that looks like he’s had it since he was in his early twenties (and, honestly, he has) and a dark-stained wooden table with four chairs — the insert to make it into a six person table for if he ever had the Poisons over sitting against the far wall, in plain sight — and just a single placemat, that is pastel and multi-coloured and looks like he stole it from a sixty year old’s kitchen décor, sitting on the table at all times.

He’s got a small, grey, apartment-sized couch that he likes to curl up an nap on, so there’s a throw blanket and a single pillow always on it.

Language(s) Spoken: English; French Accent: Light buzzing on ‘TH’, ‘Z’, and ’S’ sounds — a holdover from his Québécois upbringing; for the most part has a fairly neutral “Seattle accent” that he’s taught himself as a consequence of being around Americans and wanting to sound less ‘different’. Still has a light Québécois accent tinging his words.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

Face Claim: Zane Holtz Hair Colour: dark brown Eye Colour: blue Height: 6’1” Weight: 220ish lbs Build: lorge Tattoos: n/a Piercings: n/a Clothing Style: Simple, dark sweaters (navy, forest green, maroon, black), white dress shirts (buttoned to the top), dark sports coats, charcoal or black slacks are the standard, but he’ll wear dark wash jeans occasionally. Usually the jeans are paired with a crisp dress shirt (in any of the sweater colours) that may be rolled to to the elbows. If he’s doing the sweater + dress shirt + jeans outfit, his favourite combination is his maroon sweater with a navy dress shirt. He thinks he looks fancy in it. He’s not opposed to wearing light, airy colours (like powder blue, or dusty pink) but he gets a bit self-conscious when he wears them — thinking that they don’t suit him well enough for him to pull it off. So he sticks to dark colours and neutrals. They’re easier to hide bloodstains anyway, and the white shirts can be bleached.

Fan of French cuffs but never wears them because cufflinks are easy to lose at a scene. When he’s not on the job he’s totally breaking out the French cuffs and his silver cufflinks. There’s the occasional t-shirt + sweatpants combo but usually reserved for when he isn’t going out anywhere/not seeing anyone but the other poisons or the flower he’s booked.

For accessories, he’s got a dark grey tungsten carbide band that he wears on his left ring finger.

Usual Expression: neutral, vaguely aggressive leaning. His eyebrows make him look mad when he’s not holding them up in some form of expression. Distinguishing Characteristics: I’d say his biggest distinguishing characteristic is that he is tall and wide — like not only is this kid over six feet tall, he’s jacked as shit too.

HEALTH.

Physical Ailments: needs glasses, and he’s nearsighted — it’s partly why he prefers knives to guns. Neurological Conditions: nothing I can peg but I’m sure there’s Something. Allergies: n/a Sleeping Habits: king of the cat nap, and honestly whenever he can knock out he’s gonna. He snores too. Eating Habits: he eats a Lot and he’s decently healthy… please see his favourite food section for a more detailed food thing. Exercise Habits: Boy loves to workout — gotta keep fit for murder, y’know? He’s fond of free weights, and bars… boy loves a heavy deadlift, and he’s gotta bench press his friends at least once. He’s also one to do sprints for his cardio, especially resistance sprints. Gotta go fast.

He works until it burns and he’s comfortably sore. Totally one to have a protein shake with oats added after a hard workout.

Emotional Stability: Vincent isn’t necessarily the most emotionally competent but he’s also not especially volatile. He’s got his moments — blind fury or just enjoyment of a kill can cause him to go a lil overboard. When he laughs it’s a whole body laughs — boy’s gonna feel things all at once if he’s going to feel them at all. Sociability: He likes to be with other people but he is just so painfully awkward. He doesn’t quite realize sometimes that he’s making jokes that aren’t funny and that he should stop making poisoning jokes to the flower that is eating the meal he prepped himself but, hey, we can’t be perfect and Vinny certainly isn’t. Body Temperature: I’d say he’s a slight onto the warm side — summer is hell for him. Addictions: can I say the high of a kill? But nah he ain’t a straight up murder-obsessed guy, he just really loves that feeling. In all honesty, he loves sweet things. Drug Use: Never Alcohol Use: Rarely drinks — he doesn’t like the feeling of being drunk/tipsy, but he will go for a lite beer or two, or a mixed drink that is “light on the alcohol, heavy on the mix, please.”

PERSONALITY.

Label: the aggressor; the cold-blooded; the loyalist Positive Traits: Fearless, determined, willing Negative Traits: Ruthless, detached Goals/Desires: his biggest thing is having a balance to things, it’s a driving force behind his actions. Fears: spiders — too many legs they creep him out. Hobbies: cooking, reading, watching movies Habits: absently rotates his wrists/cracks his fingers when he’s focused on something. Mutters in French under his breath if he’s trying to figure something out.

FAVOURITES.

Weather: cold, crisp winter day with large snowflakes floating down lazily — not a flurry, just pleasant and relaxing. Probably around -15C / 5f. Colour: navy and light blue Music: top 40 hits — 22 year old Vincent was the type to sing along to ‘Call Me Maybe’ in his car by himself. Movies: comedies, supernatural themes, French and Québécois cinema. Sport: Lacrosse; hockey (fan of the Canadiens and the Maple Leafs) Beverage: Hot chocolate!

He’s one to pick the drink up from a coffee shop on the way to an appointment, or to make himself a fresh one after he’s back home. He has several different kinds of it — from those hot chocolate wands, to tins of powdered mix, to single-serve portions of it for a on-demand coffee machine — and he’s not picky. He likes the sweetness of it, and, if he’s getting one from a coffee shop, makes sure to ask for extra chocolate sauce. At home it depends how tired he is. It’ll either be basic, with just hot milk and melted chocolate or fancier on his days off with tiny marshmallows or peppermint syrup. He especially likes to make hot chocolate for those he considers friends.

Food: He’ll give most things a try, honestly.

He’s definitely fallen back on the ‘pan seared broccoli with wild rice and baked chicken breast (with smoked paprika, thyme, and black pepper)’ as a basic dinner meal for when he’s feeling lazy. If he’s not feeling lazy the sky is the fucking limit. He’ll make everything from a whole chicken or a roast with accompanying veggies, to stir-frying tofu and veggies. For lunch he’s usually eating something he’s packed — quinoa, lemon-dill salmon, asparagus; rare steak, sweet potatoes, broccolini; Cobb salad with an extra hardboiled egg or two; homemade “instant” ramen in a jar — and for breakfast he’ll either just straight up have a protein shake with oats and fruit, or some of the egg muffins he makes every few days (mushroom, cheese, ham,, quinoa) or he’ll really go all out and have French Toast or waffles.

Homemade stovetop mac n cheese is a comfort food he likes if he wants something quick (25 minutes, start to finish), but if he’s gonna make a comforting meal to distract himself he’s totally the type to go with a braised lamb sort of deal.

Animal: dogs

FAMILY.

Father: Étienne Jean Ouellet (53); president of an insurance brokerage Mother: Lillian Grace Ouellet née Richardson (51); homemaker Sibling(s): none Children: n/a Pet(s): n/a Family’s Financial Status: solidly upper-middle class. Don’t you know the insurance business is practically a license to print money?

EXTRA.

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius; 13 February 1990 MBTI: ISTJ Enneagram: type 8 — the challenger Temperament: melancholic Moral Alignment: totally pegged him as a Lawful Evil — uses murder to get his ends tidy, but has a strong sense of needing balance for things. Not one to just willy-nilly McMurder. Primary Vice: Wrath Primary Virtue: Charity Element: Earth

#tcrp.task #about #this is so extra i'm so sorry

13 notes · View notes

brakken · 7 years

Text

Played Life is Strange Before the Storm episode 1, thoughts below the cut

Happy to say, I’m enjoying it so far.

I’m not super into the idea of prequels - I find they get too caught up in foreshadowing later events, or trip up on continuity. So my biggest concern going into this was that it was gonna be nothing more than ‘Hella:Origins’ . It’s not entirely free of that, but right off the bat it was nice to see it had plenty of its own focus.

Thusfar, the recurring characters/locations feel like they’re here for this story, instead of shallow easter eggs of what’s to come. And then some of the bigger callbacks (or callforwards?) are embellishing the first game rather than just acknowledging it. Chloe and Rachel walk along the train tracks, but only Chloe is balancing on the rail - they’re not connecting right now. Every journal entry is addressed to Max, so we’re finally seeing more of Chloe’s side to this (I love this. even though it’s only there as a recap, the added narrative aspect has me reading every update).

It really feels like Deck Nine has done the hard work to make this a consistent piece of the full story. The coming episodes will have to pull through as well, but I’m glad that it hasn’t been a struggle to treat this as canon yet. In general I’ve been quite pleased at how they’ve reworked things to fit playing as Chloe. Graffiti instead of photos, backtalk instead of time travel, dreams instead of visions.

And, yes, I was already braced for our deep dive into the genesis of ‘hella’, but it didn’t stop me from cringing when it came up. As someone who never really cared about its usage to begin with, it’s kinda sucky they still feel expected to rib themselves about it - still, glad it was over quick.

I think my biggest disconnect so far has been the aesthetic. It may be because I’ve just played the original, but some of the art assets in this one seem slightly... off. The flame and smoke effects are rendered too realistically. Some of the side characters look like leftover models from the Walking Dead. And Rachel... looks fresh out of the Sims 4 character creator. I’m sure I’ll adjust to it, but it’s kept me from engaging fully when it all has this slight air of a fan-made game.

On the flip-side to that, plenty is being done really well. I noticed quite a few names in the Motion Capture department in the credits, which was a wise investment. All of the character animation has improved since the first game. You can actually read their lips and decipher what they’re saying, and I think every conversation so far has featured at least one moment of unique movement. The voice acting is also a step up from the first game - I think having an english-speaking development team has aided in that. I haven’t caught any incorrect inflections so far which I’m really thankful for (though it is a little jarring to have different actors in some roles).

I dig the new soundtrack a lot. They’ve managed to capture the feeling of a different character in a different time while not straying into entirely different territory from the original. Some parts of the game are still feeling a little silent, but Deck Nine have also managed to make the music loop in certain environments which I’m really glad for.

I knew going into this that I would have to manage my expectations somewhat. A big reason why the first game worked for me was the supernatural element. Both for the plot and gameplay reasons, it made what had otherwise been a less-than-fun style of game into something that I could really get into. But since Chloe doesn’t have powers, I had to be ready for this one to not hit that same bar.

In my thoughts about LiS ep. 1 I talked about my issues with Telltale’s series of games - notably my distaste for the timer on your choices, and how glad I was to be away with that when decision-making as Max.

That said, I’m a fan of the backtalk feature for Chloe. It’s a fun and character-relevant replacement for Max’s time travel. The timer now has a use - it’s there as an added challenge, making for small bursts of stressful choice-making in an otherwise safe design. And best of all, it’s optional! If you’re not up for the challenge, or you feel that backing down is a better action, you’re free to do so. I was tempted to do them each time, but felt it was more appropriate to just endure David’s lecture than try and argue out of it. It’s like they took the Kate scene from the first game and tweaked it into something more solid.

I’m finding there’s an added difficulty in decision-making this time around. Not only are all choices final, but I’ve found it’s a little trickier to get into Chloe’s headspace. Max had a more defined moral compass, so it was typically easy to sympathise with a lot of the big choices. With a young Chloe, it’s a little less clear - I’ve been trying to grasp how set she is on rebelling at this point, or how much she’s going to change from here until the beginning of the first game. Adding to that, there’s been some navigating to do around the fact that I know what happens to a lot of these characters...

-spoilers for ending of BtS ep.1 and LiS-

... For example, am I willing to step in on Nathan getting bullied when I know he shoots Chloe a couple years down the line? How close do I want Rachel and Chloe to get, when there’s only tragedy ahead - and further, is it too early in their interactions to begin exploring it in a romantic context? In response to what their relationship was, I chose ‘Something More’ - but, once I’d finished the episode, I pondered on that and felt I’d made the choice based on knowledge only I had, not what Chloe would say in the moment. And not knowing how much the design of consequences had developed since LiS, I was also nervous that picking ‘A Friendship’ would lock any romantic options in the future episodes. I ended up replaying the whole episode, making all the same choices save for this one, changing it to ‘A Friendship’ - and the outcome of that have left me hopeful that I’ll still have sway over that in what’s to come. I don’t wanna get into a habit of revising my choices, since that’s very much Max’s ballpark, but this one felt like it was worth it.

I really dug the fire motifs. The storm was so ever-present in LiS, and this serves as a nice replacement while not having the same purpose. With how the first game played out, I was expecting the wildfire to be in the ep.3 finale somehow, so it was a nice surprise to have it come so early.

Now, I gotta talk about Rachel’s scream. I’ve been avoiding all discussion about this game since it has taken me a while to get to it, so I dunno how much this moment is being talked about. I hope it is, though. Because heck. heck. That scream gave me chills. Did you see that wind? That scream, that wind, was an actual, real, tangible connection between Rachel and the storm. No speculation as to what the butterfly or the doe symbolises, no wondering what they could possibly mean by ‘Rachel’s revenge’ or ‘destiny’. Rachel felt pain. And it altered the weather.

Really excited to see where that leads.

As always, here are my fave moments from this episode:

-The opening shot. A cigarette lighter. A fire in the woods.

-The tabletop segment. Charming and cute.

-Chilling on the train.

-That scream.

I keep forgetting this season is just three episodes. I’m really eager to get right into the next one, but it’s also kinda scary when I remember it’ll be over so soon. Still, I’ll probably get to ep. 2 quick so I don’t have to keep avoiding spoilers, haha.

Also, I’ve made a tag for these ‘LiS thoughts’ since they’ve become sort of a frequent thing.

Thank you again for reading this far. And here’s a lil sketch for your trouble. Hope you’re doing well <3

#max talks about life is strange

51 notes · View notes

freezing-kaiju · 7 years

Text

Stardate: 2689

PROLOGUE: Cinnamon Recovery

a prologue to me and @pupmon1‘s Fire Emblem Heroes fic Stardate: 2689

Warnings: Obsession, dysphoria, smoking weed

additional note: some of this is kinda borrowed from my own eperiences being trans and having a (way less unhealthy) crush that amounted to nothing, though the person i had a crush on was a straight girl.

A WHILE AGO, 2688

It was just temporary, Faye told herself as she exited the shuttle onto the outpost. Just a temporary assignment, maybe a month. Maybe not even that. Her beloved Alm would come around soon, she was sure of it. She had done so much for him! Sacrificed so much for him. He had to love her...

Next to her, Silque was still worrying. Faye had been dangerously obsessed with Alm...so much so that she had neglected herself, her hobbies, her family...she had even put off her own transition after she heard Alm say offhand that he liked men more... to say that Silque was concerned was an understatement.

And the others in Alm’s group had apparently agreed with Silque. They agreed to assign Faye to a position far away from Alm...a place where she could recover and maybe pick up less self-destructive habits. Celica’s outpost. Clair had also been sent.

As they exited the shuttle, Celica was there to greet them. “Hello! I’m glad to see our new recruits. Welcome to the outpost. I’m running it until my actual assignment is ready.”

“We’re happy to be of help,” Silque said. “Alm told us about you, said something about knowing each other a long time ago.”

Celica nodded. “Yes, we knew each other. Dated a little.” Celica glanced away. “Then we...found each other...and broke it off. Also he was a bit of a...well...he’s unobservant as hell...”

“...he is not...” Faye muttered petulantly.

Celica stopped and glanced at Faye. “...are you...Faye?” she asked carefully, glancing at her pad. “That’s the right name, right?”

“Yes, correct.” Faye looked up at her. Celica looked...well, to put it bluntly, pretty. But...Silque did too...so she was totally still straight. Completely normal for a straight girl to think that her commanding officer or her closest friend is really cute...

Celica smiled kindly. “Please, correct any mistakes made by myself or my staff. I...remember Alm talking about his friends, but you didn’t go by Faye then. I may slip up, I apologize if I do.”

“It’s okay...” Faye said shyly. “I...don’t mind...”

“Alright,” Celica said with a smile. Then she lifted her head and called out. “Saber! Show these crewmen to their quarters!” Then she lowered her voice. “I hope you don’t mind bunking together.”

“...I suppose...” Faye said.

“Oh, that would be wonderful,” Silque said with a smile. “Will Clair be staying elsewhere?

“Yes. She’ll be with...oh! The whitewings!” Celica smiled when she looked at her pad. “Good luck...they’re molting…”

“I’ll manage,” Clair said.

Celica chuckled nervously. “You will wake up with feathers everywhere…” She stopped as a large man with an eyepatch walked up.

“Hello, I am your deputy. Get used to taking orders from me. Now let’s go.”

Faye and Silque nodded. But, as the others followed Saber, Celica grabbed Silque’s arm.

“Wait a moment…” she said softly. “I want to talk to you alone…” She watched the others walk away, then sighed. “I’ve been informed this isn’t a regular reassignment.”

Silque sighed. “Faye has had an...obsession with Alm for a while. Lately it’s gotten worse. She’s...stopped taking her hormones, sleeping irregularly, stalking him for hours on end, not eating to look pretty for him...he finds it very creepy and I’m concerned for her as a friend so...”

Celica paused, then her shoulders dropped. “She didn’t take the revelation that he’s...gay...well...did she?”

“...that’s why she stopped taking the hormones...” Silque said. “And she...cried...for about a week...”

Celica sighed and closed her eyes. “Alright...I’ll do what I can to keep her busy….” Celica scrolled through her pad and nodded. “I think I’ll set her with...Mae. I think she could use a friend like her. Is there anything else you would suggest? You know her best...beyond Kliff…”

“...keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn’t do anything drastic...and maybe try and make sure she’s eating regularly. I try to help her with that but she doesn’t always listen to me.”

“Alright. I’ll make sure Mae knows.” Celica stopped and smiled. “Mae is one of those people...ya know...great for picking someone up…” Celica shook the lazy smile off her face. “Alright! With that settled, you should get going back to the group.”

“She sounds fun. And yes, let’s.”

------

“Hey new roomies!!” Mae said as Faye and Silque entered her room. Mae darted up to Silque. “Ooo, you’re pretty.” Then her gaze flicked to Faye. “And cute!”

“Mae...stop…” Genny mumbled from her bunk.

“Thank you,” Silque said, blushing.

Faye looked away awkwardly and mumbled, “...I’m not gay...”

“It wouldn’t matter…” Genny muttered. “Mae is Mae.”

Mae put her three-fingered hands on her hips and spun around to face her friend. “Hey, can’t a girl pay someone an compliment?”

Oh no, Faye thought as she stared at Mae. She’s hot... “I...suppose so...sure...”

Mae smiled and nodded. “See? She gets it.”

Silque nodded. “Yes, definitely.”

Mae smiled and suddenly spun around and hugged Silque and Faye. “They understand me. I know we’re going to be the best of friends!”

She smells like strawberries… Faye thought.

---

Mae slid into the seat beside Faye, lonely Faye in the corner, and noticed she was just moving her mash around with her spork.

“Hey Faye. It looks like you haven’t eaten anything...is something wrong?” Mae asked softly.

“...Alm hasn’t replied to any of my messages...” Faye said.

“I’m sure he’s just busy, you know how higher-ups can get.” Mae batted at the air. “All ‘I have no time for fun stuff, I have to serious all the time’ and what not. It even gets to Celica sometimes. Just give him time.”

“It’s been like...a week...” Faye sighed. “I knew it...he doesn’t care about me...”

Mae frowned and poked Faye’s nose. “Hey, don’t be such a negative nelly. Just...give him some time…he might be on a big mission to save Valm again...or something.”

“...that’s the excuse he’s used six times already...” Faye pouted. “Last time he was just on vacation...”

Mae squirmed and pulled away, deflating and ducking her head down. “...please be happy…” she muttered. “...I...I don’t know what to say...but I want you to be happy…”

Faye looked at her quizzically and attempted to smile. “I uh...do you...do you have an actual kitchen on this station?”

Mae suddenly popped up and smiled. “Yep!”

“Good...cooking...cooking helps..”

Mae nodded and popped to her feet, taking Faye’s hand. “Come on, follow me! It’s in the officer’s mess.”

“Sounds good,” Faye said, standing up.

Mae smiled and pulled Faye to the officer’s mess. Saber looked up from his table with a frown, but a wave from Celica silenced him before he could complain about the two going into the kitchen.

“Here it is! An actual kitchen!” Mae said, twirling a little. “And a replicator that will make any raw ingredient you want!”

Faye’s eyes almost lit up. “Oooo, this is great! I’ll get started right away...”

“One...one moment...I need to….” Mae crept over to the replicator, glancing at the officers eating before punching something in. A strange green leaf and blue fruit appeared and she darted to the corner with it. She squeezed out the center of the blue fruit onto the green leaf, rolling it into a smoke and lighting it.

“S-sorry…” she stuttered. “I need something to block it all out for a bit…”

“Block what out?”

“I’m…” she shivered and looked down. “I’m...an empath…” Mae looked away, waiting for Faye to send her away...most do.

“Huh.” Faye said. “That’s interesting...what’s that like?”

Mae was surprised by the question, and hesitated to take a draw. “Well...it’s...hard. I feel everything around me….especially when people aren’t happy. I want to help people be happy...for a purely selfish reason...so...I guess that’s bad of me…”

“Doesn’t really sound that bad to me,” Faye said. “I’m...not really that much of a selfless person...but...I guess wanting to make others happy is a good goal.”

“Even...even if it’s so I don’t have to feel their pain?” Mae asked timidly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” Faye smiled. “Now ah...lemme try and remember the recipe...” She walked over to the replicators. “...hmm...warm milk, salted butter, salt, flour, granulated sugar, cinnamon...” She trailed off, listing ingredients.

Mae peered over Faye’s shoulder. “What are you making?”

“Cinnamon rolls,” Faye responded.

“Ooo~ Those sound good! Gargoyle loves cinnamon rolls!”

“Who- oh, right, your bug thing.”

Mae smiled as a little bug fluttered out of her shirt and landed on her head. “He helps me focus.”

“He’s...cute,” Faye said. “Can I pet him?”

Mae nodded and held out her hand, Gargoyle fluttering down to her palm. He looked up at Faye and wiggled his antene.

Faye gently stroked him with her finger. “Good lil bug.”

Mae smiled as Gargoyle nuzzled Faye’s hand. “He wants you to be happy too.”

Faye cooed. “You’re both adorable...I mean uh. He is. You’re...wait...uh..well I mean you’re ...cute but like...I...” she stuttered.

Mae chuckled and took a draw before speaking in a low voice. “It blocks my empathy...but not that much, cutie. I know what you mean to say.”

“N-no I don’t! I’m not-” The replicator dinged and Faye turned around. “Oh, my ingredients! E-excuse me...”

Mae sighed and watched Faye move around her, running to prepare her treat. “...there’s nothing wrong with what you are…” she muttered to herself. She let out a long sigh and leaned on the wall, putting her smoke in her mouth.

Silque sidled up to her and leaned on the wall. “...she’s always denied it...still, it’s...it’s nice seeing her cook again.”

“Ah! Medic!” Mae scrambled to hide the smoke that she technically wasn’t supposed to have.

“...I saw nothing.” Silque said with a slight grin.

Mae squirmed and looked down. “Don’t tell the captain…” she whispered.

“Okay. Is it bad for you? I’m not used to treating your species...”

“It...can be...addictive…” she muttered, taking a quick draw before hiding it behind her back. “...not feeling is...nice...but Celica doesn’t want me to be addicted to something...she’s afraid I’ll hurt myself…”

“She seems very nice,” Silque said. “And I can tell she cares a lot about you...are you two together?”

“Much to Saber’s disdain.” Mae giggle and grinned at Silque. “But...we’re not exclusive, if you’re wondering.”

Silque blushed. “I ah...don’t know how to respond to that...other than you could do a lot better than me...

“But you’re cute and beautiful,” Mae said with a smile. “And I can sense that you’re a good person. Good and kind and...worried about your friend.”

Silque blushed even more, then looked wistfully over at Faye. “...still...if i’m in a relationship...I’d want to bring Faye in...” She looked down.

Mae grinned and chuckled. “Gimme some time with ‘er. Empaths are really good at bringing out people’s true emotions.”

“That would be really nice,” Silque said. “...she’s already happier than I’ve seen her in months...”

“Then good! I’m doing my job right!” Mae bounced a little, sticking her smoke in her mouth. “I’m...gonna relax while she cooks...tell me if Celica is coming…” she said once she stopped moving, lowering her head and breathing in the sweet smoke as she closed her eyes.

“Alright.” Silque sighed. “...she’s quite nice...and beautiful.”

Mae hummed out an agreement and blew out some grey blue smoke. “...yeah...she is…”

---

A few weeks later, and Faye was...depressed doesn’t begin to describe it. Celica had received news that Alm had finally asked Gray out. She hadn’t meant for this news to reach Faye but...of course it had... and Faye hadn’t been eating, hadn’t been sleeping, hadn’t been taking her medication, hadn’t left her room since.

Silque had been very quietly panicking about it ever since. Faye had made so much progress...and now with one piece of news the whole domino set of recovery had been knocked down. Even Mae was getting worried and nervous, trying to help but not able to. Neither had been sleeping well, so when Faye suddenly got up and entered the bathroom, they woke up.

Faye flipped on the light and rubbed her eyes, turning to the mirror. She scratched her face, twitching at the stubble that scratched at her skin. She stared at the mirror and let out a long sigh. She looked like...him again.

“Maybe...Alm would like him...” she muttered to herself. “Maybe if...if I went back to being him...Alm would...would like me…”

She looked down...and felt a hand on her shoulder, and Silque’s soft, wavering voice in her ear. “Please don’t, Faye. Please. You’ve...you’ve improved so much recently, don’t throw yourself away like this.”

Faye sighed and closed her eyes. “...what does...it matter…” she muttered softly.

Two arms wrapped around her waist. “...he doesn’t make you happy…” Mae muttered, nuzzling into her back, her antena tickling her neck. “You deserve to be happy…”

“...I...” Faye looked back up at herself in the mirror. Mae and Silque were both...almost cuddling her...this was the most affection she’d received in her entire life.

Faye burst into tears. “...I...I just...great Mila, I don’t deserve you two...”

“Love isn’t something you deserve…” Mae muttered. “It’s something that comes, and you can accept it or not.”

“...I...” Oh, what was the point of denying it anymore? She’d felt this way for a while, and just buried it under more misplaced obsession for Alm. “...I-I’ll accept it...”

Mae smiled and nuzzled Faye. “...I knew you would eventually…” she said softly. Then she pulled away, taking Faye’s hand and leading her to sit on the toilet.

Silque inched over and smiled. “You mind if we… at the risk of sounding irritatingly cliched, give you a makeover?”

Mae’s atene twitched. “You deserve to feel comfortable and pretty.”

Faye hesitated before nodding. “Y-yeah...thanks…”

Mae smiled and hugged Faye. “We’ll take care of you, Faye.”

Mae then grabbed a razor as Silque started to deal with Faye’s hair.

---

“There we go…” Mae muttered as she pulled away.

“...wow...” Faye said, looking in the mirror. “I look...I...”

“You look beautiful,” Silque said.

Faye smiled and nodded a little. “I-I...thank you,” she muttered softly. “Thank you both of you.”

Mae nodded and took her hand. “Let’s...go lay down together.”

Faye blushed and smiled. “...yeah, that...that sounds really fantastic.”

Mae nodded and led Faye back into the bedroom, letting Silque flick off the light as she laid down on the bed, pulling Faye beside her. She nuzzled into Faye’s chest. “You’re...so warm now…”

Faye was blushing immensely. “I-if I’m making you uncomfortable I can go...”

Mae raised her gaze and her eyes narrowed. Her antennae twitched, flicking Faye on the nose. “No, you silly girl. Move and I’ll hit you with my antenna again.”

Faye giggled. “O-ok.” She snuggled closer to Mae and felt Silque nuzzle in from her back. “...this is...really nice.”

Mae smiled and closed her eyes. “...you’re so warm...I can see you with my eyes shut…” Mae nuzzled closer. “...it’s nice…”

“...I’ve actually...uh...dreamed about this for...for a while,” Silque said nervously.

Mae’s antennae twitched, one barely visible over Faye’s head. “...I can see you too...heheh…”

“...I assume that’s a good thing,” Silque said.

“Feels good,” Faye said with a little hum.

Mae nodded and sighed softly. “Yeah...it does...it’s so good…” she muttered. “Let’s get some...good long sleep...we can tell Celica in the morning.”

“...ya...” Faye murmured as she drifted off to sleep.

---

Celica paused in her working, hearing a very familiar sound. She turned around and held out her arms, grunting as Mae suddenly jumped into a hug.

“Ah! Hello Mae! You must be feeling better if you’re jumping around the place,” Celica said with a smile, lightly blowing on Mae’s antenna.

“Faye’s cooking again. And eating, and shaving, and taking her hormones, and...” Mae paused. “...and, uh, me and her and Silque slept together last night.”

“Wait, human slept together, or your slept together?” Celica asked carefully, knowing that means two completely different things.

“...both?”

Celica sighed and dropped her shoulders, setting Mae down. “I mean...physical um...pleasure...or emotional?”

“Oh ya. Emotional.”

Celica patted Mae’s head. “Ah, okay, your slept together. I’m glad for you three then.”

“They uh...said they wanted to...to share it with you, too...”

“I’d love that,” Silque said, coming out of the kitchen with an omelette and a cinnamon roll. “Faye’s cooking extra well today,” she added with a smile.

Celica smiled and nodded. “I’m glad she’s happy...and I’d love to share.” There was a pause before she glanced at Mae. “Well...if you’re going to join us, you should know about this.”

Mae noticed the grin on Celica’s face and she backed away. “N-no, don’t you da-” she was cut off when Celica reached up and gently rubbed one of her antena, her expression melting into one of dreamy happiness.

“Oh so that’s what that does,” Silque said.

“I call it her ‘relax’ switch,” Celica said with a smile. “It’s better than her smoking her powers away. And sometimes you just need her to be quiet for a little while,” she added quietly.

Mae shook her head as Celica pulled away. “Is it possible to both love and hate an action?”

“Oh definitely,” Silque said with a grimace, thinking about all the times a while ago when Faye would just...rant about Alm for hours. It was sweet to hear her talk...but still. Overall that whole experience was just sad.

“Well...I love you stroking my antenna...I hate when you do it when I’m standing…” Mae grumbled, crossing her arms. Then she sniffed the air and smiled. “...something smells really good~”

Faye walked out of the kitchen, wearing an apron and oven mitts and carrying a huge platter of cinnamon rolls. She smiled at Mae, Silque, and Celica. “I made some muffins too. I just feel like...this is good. Cooking helps...”

“Cook all the things!” Mae exclaimed with a smile. “We will eat it!”

“Hey hey hey! Don’t make promises the human metabolism can’t keep,” Celica said with a laugh.

“Well I can keep it! Cook all the things if it makes you happy.”

“Well, everyone else here can have some too, of course. And thanks, I...I think I will.” Faye grinned and set the platter down on a table. The moment it hit the table, a pink haired girl with white wings flittered over and smiled. “Cinnamon rolls!” she exclaimed before grabbing a plate full of them before darting over to her sisters, leaving feathers in her wake.

Mae frowned and wafted the air to keep the feathers away from the cinnamon rolls. “Stupid white wings and their molting feathers.”

Celica chuckled. “They can’t help it.”

Delthea snuck up behind them and put four cinnamon rolls on her plate before sneaking back to the table, muttering, “...wish Maria were here...”

Mae smiled and waved at her. “Hope you like those cinnamon rolls, Delthea!” she called out. Delthea jumped and glared at her, muttering, “...thought I was sneakier than that.”

Mae frowned and crossed her arms. Celica grabbed a plate, placed three cinnamon rolls on the plate, then took Mae’s hand. She led her to a table, and rubbed her antena, letting her relax and lean on her. Celica smiled and fed Mae as she massaged her antena.

Silque and Faye sat down to either side of them, both with plates full of cinnamon rolls. Faye was eating somewhat more hungrily than usual; like she was making up for the days recently when she hadn’t been eating. Silque was eating hers with tiny delicate bites with a spork and knife.

Faye poked Celica’s cheek. “You got a bit of icing on your face,” she said..then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “There, I got it...I can’t believe I did that oh gosh...”

Celica giggled and leaned in, kissing Faye on the nose. “You’re so cute, Faye.”

Faye blushed, accentuating her freckles. “I...thanks, Celica..you’re way cuter than me, all three of you are.”

Celica and Slique glanced at each other and chuckled. “We disagree, Faye,” they said together.

Mae simply closed her eyes and sighed contently. “...I can see you…all of you...” She reached out and pulled all of them into a big hug.

“I guess that’s your way of saying you love us?” Silque guessed with a giggle.

Mae just nodded.

Faye grinned and sighed. “...gods, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time.”

Silque smiled and nuzzled Faye gently. “Good...that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

#silque #faye #mae #celica #gaydreamers ot4 #stardate: 2689 #fire emblem heroes #feh #my fics

4 notes · View notes