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witlesswitnesstm · 25 days

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I am a firm Marvin Gardens BPD/NPD truther, so here’s all my evidence.

This is a very long post, so buckle up.

• Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Let’s go through the symptoms he shows, shall we?

- Has unreasonably high sense of self importance, and requires constant admiration:

Marvin, especially as a child, exhibits a large amount of grandiosity. This is most evident in How Marvin eats his breakfast and My Highschool Sweetheart.

He thinks of himself as above the maid staff and he constantly threatens/accuses them. Then he’s given the role of Columbus, and highly identifies with him to the point where he claims he *is* Columbus. That he’s this grand explorer, who’s the king of the ocean. He believes he’s powerful because of the role.

Then as an adult, Marvin has a constant need for adoration. He needs people (like Whizzer and Trina) to love and want him in songs like Thrill of first love and This had better come to a stop. That might even be a reason he got with Trina in the first place. He wanted to feel needed, without the responsibility of having to love back.

Not to mention the line “Kid. Be my son.” In Father to son. He wants Jason to fulfill the role as his son (and subsequently love him), not really acknowledging he’s his own person. But he still deeply cares about Jason, and wants him to succeed, he just does it through the only lense he understands; himself. Also, I noticed that Marvin literally moves the chess board aside and makes Jason face him during that song, even though he clearly doesn’t want to.

- Believes they deserve special privileges or treatment:

The R of Ms. Goldberg shows Marvin is obsessed with getting what he wants, for no other reason besides the fact that he wants it. It’s also implied that he didn’t even necessarily have the acting skills required to be Columbus, Ms. Goldberg just conceded because he kept pestering her. He believed he deserved it, so he got it.

- Make achievements and talents bigger than they actually are:

Again, Marvin obsessed over being a star actor. He also consistently exaggerates his intelligence with lines like “I can read her like a book” in How Marvin eats his breakfast and “I'm not so rich but hell I'm smart.” In This had better come to a stop.

In I never wanted to love you, Marvin also claims that he’s in demand, when he’s most likely not and is just trying to cover for his ego.

- Preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance

Oh wow. Ok, so we all know about the metaphor for games at this point. Marvin loves winning, he literally says it’s everything to him. He also says that he wants it all multiple times which is just, really driving home the point that he craves success and power over everything else.

Marvin is also characterized as being rich, which again emphasizes his need for success. I’m thinking he climbed the corporate ladder for the sole objective of looking like he’s successful.

Side note, I think the reason he never acknowledges how rich he is might be because he’s ashamed of being a trust fund baby. He had a whole maid staff as a kid, so it’s implied his parents had mad stacks. He might’ve sought success outside his parents’ money so that it was his own accomplishment, not his family’s.

I want to touch on My chance to survive the night, specifically the line “I played a game. She was as cute as a dime and couldn't spell. I asked her to spell my name. That's it for girls.” Marvin has a history of using games as a basis for breaking up with people because of his insecurity, even before Chess game. He gets a lot better with this in act 2, and this is evident in the racquetball matches. He seems a little unconfident, but he’s not devastated by it in the way he would be before.

I’ve mentioned this in a separate post, but The r of Ms. Goldberg can also be interpreted as a fantasy for power, since Marvin isn’t actually interested in having sex with Ms. Goldberg, and instead just wants to have control over her.

- Is critical and looks down on people they feel aren’t important:

Marvin consistently ignores his sweetheart even when she begs for his attention. When she tries to tell him she’s a person, he calls her ridiculous.

Marvin also just generally acted out as a child because he considered everyone as beneath him.

This trait is especially highlighted In Tight Knit family reprise, where he just straight up talks shit about Mendel, not being able to believe that Trina can love him. It’s also shown in Marvin hits Trina, that he dislikes her platitudes and expects substance from her, and then goes on to again beg for admiration with the line “How could you ever deny what we had?”

- Expects others to do what they ask without question:

This is best shown in This had better come to a stop and Chess game. Marvin expects Whizzer to play the housewife, while not acknowledging that he’s his own person.

This is also displayed in Tight Knit family, where he expects everyone to go along with his perfect vision of what a family should be.

- Has an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others:

This is most clear with Sweetheart and Trina. As I’ve said, Marvin blatantly ignores sweetheart’s attempts to love him, and completely disregards her. I want to note how he does this in favor of being attached to Ms. Goldberg and playing Columbus which are his power fantasies, essentially.

This trait is also shown in Breakfast over Sugar when Marvin basically tells Trina to shut up and that she’ll get over it when she’s having a a pretty expected emotional outburst to him divorcing her. He completely disregards her feelings, showing no empathy to her.

- Acts arrogantly:

This can just be interpreted as confidence but Marvin says that he loves being himself multiple times over the course of In trousers.

• Borderline Personality Disorder

- A strong fear of abandonment:

This ties into Marvin’s need for admiration, but he constantly asks others for validation, and even doesn’t want Trina to find new partners because he interprets it as abandonment of his family.

There’s also the workshop version of This had better come to a stop, which is all about how Marvin is terrified that Whizzer’s going to leave him again in act 2, but he tries to bury all those feelings down so that he doesn’t appear needy. One of the lines is “I sit here and slowly rot. Wait for Whizzer, wait for answers, and get none.” Which just really nails down this point.

There’s also Unlikely lovers, when Marvin refuses to leave Whizzer’s side in the hospital.

- A pattern of unstable, intense relationships:

I’m sure we all know where this is going.

Marvin has a lot of opinions about Trina. He says that he thinks she’s perfect in I have a family, but that at the same time, he says that he hates her in I swear I won’t ever again.

His wants are contradictory. He wanted Trina to leave him alone when he divorced her, but couldn’t accept that she married Mendel. Also, he fights with Trina consistently, even throughout Act 2.

Onto Whizzer, their relationship is driven solely by chaotic passion. Their relationship is *built* on fighting and making up with hate sex.

Whizzer has no idea how to feel about Marvin because of how unstable he is. Marvin can be gentle, but he expects everything to go his way. He’s affectionate but highly judgemental. (Then again, so is Whizzer.)

- Quick changes in how they view themself:

This is best shown in Your Lips and Me reprise. Marvin goes from hating who he was and what he did to Ms. Goldberg to having a whole ass victory song about how he loves being himself.

This might be sarcasm, but Marvin is also self deprecating in Tight knit family reprise, with the lyric “I'm too damn peeved, self-absorbed, self-deceived. Who knows?”

- Periods of stress related paranoia and loss of contact with reality

This is a stretch, but Marvin’s exes always hovering around him in In trousers might be paranoia about his past manifesting itself. This is especially clear in I can’t sleep and Your lips and Me reprise where they physically interact with him, preventing him from sleeping or reminding him of his past.

- Impulsive/risky behavior:

Bro got multiple STDs, presumably from unsafe sex. Also, it’s implied that he also got HIV after Whizzer.

Hitting Trina could also be seen as impulsive behavior.

- Wide mood swings:

This is where Marvin’s giddy seizures comes in. He has periods of extreme laughter and giddiness, sporadically.

- Inappropriate levels of anger

Marvin hits Trina. I mean, what else do I have to say? This whole song is about Marvin’s anger taking over his actions and causing physical harm because of it. He also shows inappropriate anger when he brings out Whizzer’s belongings after the Chess game.

Ok Jesus Christ that was a lot of words. Keep in mind that these are just my headcanons and you’re allowed to interpret Marvin in any way you want.

Also I don’t have these disorders myself and I’m not a professional psychologist or anything so let me know if I got some things wrong. I just care way too much about the Marvin Trilogy and I’m also interested in becoming a psychologist.

#falsettos #marvin trilogy #in trousers #marvin falsettos #falsettos 2016 #falsettos obc #I have thought too much about this #god someone save me #character analysis #google how do I stop a hyperfixation?

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junowritings · 1 month

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Gale with an artificer significant other who makes him magic items for him to absorb?

:0 I never considered this idea before but holy hells if that wouldn't be such a fascinating scenario. I'm not the most well versed on artificers so I had to do a lil reading and wing the rest but hopefully this is alright~!

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♡ An artificer partner who can create magic infused items for him? Hells you may as well be a knight in shining armor for Gale, showing up in his hour of need when circumstances were most dire.

♡ Before the abduction upon the nautiloid ship, Gale’s lack of orb-based implosions was credited only to the magical objects he had amassed over the years. And where his supply had begun to dwindle, Tara had been invaluable, retrieving magical objects and bringing them back to the tower to aid the wizard like the ruffled caretaker she always had been. It certainly wasn’t a pleasant existence, locked away constantly fighting to stem the tide of something he once hoped could earn him the forgiveness he craved. But it sated the orb, for a while; gave him the time that he desperately needed as he scoured every tome and followed every lead for answers in quelling the thing’s lethal nature away from any who could get caught up in the destruction, should his plans go awry.

♡ After the crash however? Gale has neither, and the orb within his chest burns at the knowledge, churning away with that incessant need to consume and nothing to fulfill it besides the few measly trinkets left on his person.

♡ Thankfully he has a saving grace, in the form of the very person that helped free him from that rune circle back at the beach. Even without your constant tinkering with magic infused items, you’ve got an uncanny knack for stumbling across things that are absolutely thrumming with powerful magic. Weapons, armor and trinkets that brim with enough power to keep the orb quiet for hours, days even if he’s fortunate.

♡ You make no fact to hide that you’re an artificer by trade and soon enough Gale learns that the items you’ve been giving him alongside the ones that you find are of your own making. You’ve got a way with magic, enough that the items you give him are enough to effectively sate the orb - did you learn this all yourself? Or were you so gifted that the art came naturally to you? Whatever the reason, the items that you create are invaluable to the wizard, one that you offer up freely before he even reveals the reason why he needs them in the first place.

♡ The time eventually comes where Gale can’t hide his affliction any longer, and finally opens up to you about the orb and its constant need for consuming potent magical items. He can see the cogs turning in your head already, piecing things togethers as you realize why he’s asked you for those magical items in the past. He apologizes for keeping that factor in the dark until he knew he could really trust you, hoping that his words will at least earn some modicum of forgiveness considering just how many items you’ve handed over.

♡ His apology is cut off abruptly, earning a thump to the shoulder from you when you realize the man has been eeking out the time between ‘feeding’ the orb so as to not raise suspicion. Needless suffering, considering how easily that pain could be mitigated by something that you could have made in abundance. Gale’s surprised when you forgive him just as quickly, a determined glint that he’s seen whenever you’re at work with your craft present in your gaze as you jump up and dart over to your tent. He calls after you, only to be met by a quick “I need to get to work!” before you all but disappear from view.

♡ The morning after this conversation Gale’s all but woken up by a loud clatter right outside his bedroll, startled by the sight of you unceremoniously dropping half a dozen handcrafted items right into his lap. You don’t need to tell him what they are - he can sense the magic within each one with but a glance, and the bewildered expression upon the wizard’s face is well worth the time you spent working into the late hours of the morning to make them. You look exhausted but smug, proudly gesturing to the pile with open arms as though expecting him to use one there and then.

♡ Maybe you actually do, as Gale ends up having to convince you that he’ll test them later at your insistence. Probably better to get breakfast together first, so that he at least has some sustenance and you can get a break before he attempts to do anything else.

♡ Gale often finds himself transfixed watching you as you tinker, fascinated seeing you at work. Of course he never wants to intrude whilst you’re hard at work, and wouldn't dream of interrupting you. But it’s hard to miss the guy practically burning holes into your hands, inquisitive eyes peeking over from the book he’s pretending to read trying to figure out every step of your practice by observation alone. It’s kind of cute, in a way - and having the actual process of your work appreciated is rather vindicating.

♡ Offer to show him how you work and the wizard will be by your side the moment you give him the all clear. He’s naturally got a curious disposition - one that’s gotten you both into more trouble than you can count actually - and his eyes are practically trained to the movements of dexterous hands along with your words of explanation, mapping out the intricacies. A perfect mix of the mundane arts and the magical to make something that is basically saving everyone in a few miles radius from an impromptu end - how could that not be fascinating to a man like Gale?

♡ He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s just using you for the magical items that you provide. The lengths you go to to help him cope with his affliction aren’t lost on him for a second, and he fears he’ll never be able to repay for that kindness. The man will essentially put himself at your disposal should you need anything. He doesn’t mean to brag, but he’s learned enough that he’s confident he can at least be of some use to you with his proficiencies. You’ll notice the little things - the extra portion he gives you when it’s his turn to cook; the little gifts of tools or items that caught your eye from passing merchants. He knows it’s not enough to repay you - you deserve something better, something grander - but till things have settled and he can give that to you this will have to do.

♡ Admittedly the pair of you experiment with the usefulness of your creations. Does the kind of magic or spell infused within the object have any effect on how long he can last before the next one? Unfortunately not; but the fact that the ability to test such a theory is even possible is extraordinary. With the threat of living from magic item to magic item no longer the catastrophic issue that it once was. The orb is always a lingering thought in the back of his mind; even on the best days it never fails to remind Gale of its presence ceaselessly beating away in his chest. But now it feels as though he’s gained some control back; a stable supply that does more than buy him time. And it’s all because of you - his wonderfully avid creator.

♡ Even after the orb is temporarily stabilized you still continue to make items for him. Maybe it’s out of habit, or maybe you worry that the spell that’s holding the orb back won’t last as long as you both hope. Whatever the reasoning, Gale never misses the spare magically infused trinkets hidden away in his pack; his ‘emergency supply’ for the worst case scenario that you’re not there and he needs it. He may hopefully never need to use them, but gods if he doesn’t cling to each and every item you make for him like it’s still the dearest lifeline you’ve ever given him.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 x reader #bg3 x reader #bg3 gale #gale x reader #gale dekarios #gale x tav #request #anon #artificer tav #ngl im imagining them giving gale those items the same way ppl do like #breakfast in bed lmao

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whereianonymouslypostfics · 10 months

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Cross The Line

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~2.2k

Summary: Wanda accompanies you to one of her clubs

A/N: Request: "Wanda getting mad at a stripper for offering us a dance not knowing who we are with and then firing her because obviously she owns the place". Enjoy!

Warnings: unwanted attention, jealousy

The fact that you’re even here is still a shock to you. Given the complicated history you have with strip clubs, you had never expected Wanda to let you go to one since you both agreed to steer clear. That said, when your best friend practically begged you to join her at one for her birthday, you were put in a tough position. Luckily you were spared from an argument when Wanda agreed on two conditions that were pretty easy to go along with. The first was that she was going with you which was preferred honestly because she’d been invited and it was going to help them all make sure they were treated well. The second condition was that you and your friends went to one of her clubs, so she knew you’d be respected. Your friend had jumped on the idea of you knowing a good place, and even without mentioning Wanda’s connections, you were glad that your friend seemed happy.

Now almost an hour after getting to the club, you and Wanda are having a good time. Wanda’s silently ordering people around with looks, but she’s not doing it in a way that’s obvious to anyone but you. She makes sure that everyone has as many drinks as they want, and she makes sure you get as much food as you want. She knows you're more focused on that anyway, and she loves the little thank you kisses you give her each time. You’re mostly sitting back and watching your friends enjoy themselves as they watch the performers or dance very drunkenly. You notice very quickly that there aren’t many people here, at least not as many as you expected. You ask Wanda about this at one point, but she just shakes her head before telling you not to worry about it. This definitely means she had a hand in only about 2 dozen people, including them, being present opposed to the near hundred that usually frequent the place on a nightly basis.

“I'm going to step out for a minute. I need to make a call.”

That was another thing about tonight. Wanda was taking off work to be with you which you appreciated, but you knew that it stressed her out. She obviously still had things going on tonight, and you just offer her a nod before meeting her lips for a quick kiss. She glances at your friends who are still watching the performers before heading toward the back of the club. You decide to join them once she leaves, but you want to finish your drink first.

“Hurry back?”

Wanda smiles with nod before standing up to excuse herself. It’s getting late and you notice as soon as Wanda leaves that new people begin to trickle in. After her last dance, the performer that had been with you for most of the night is finishing up her shift. She had mostly danced for your friends because she recognized that Wanda’s presence beside you meant that you were off limits. You were still polite as you watched her, and you tipped a lot once she was done for the night. She found it interesting that you’re even here tonight, but that’s not her business so she just leaves to let the late shift girls take over. She hopes they remember all the rules of the club. Even those not often applicable.

“Steve? What’s going on? I thought this was handled?”

As Wanda listens to her friend tell her about the little hiccup tonight, she regrets not taking the cigarette offered to her just a few minutes ago. She was craving one but you’d just busted her for it, and if she came back smelling like smoke, you’d likely chew her out in front of your friends and couch her for eternity. For this reason, she’d grabbed another drink on her way to the office where she was going to camp out for this call. She’s beyond frustrated at this person that she’s working with because he keeps changing his damn mind and taking up all of her time. She just needs him to give her what was promised then they can part ways and never speak again.

She sits in the chair behind the desk and sighs as she throws her legs up. She had let you dress her tonight, and in exchange she’d picked out your outfit as well. You’d wanted your wife in a nice suit, and Wanda had complied as usual. For you, Wanda had chosen a backless dress that was short, but not too short to risk anyone sneaking a peek at what was hers.

“Well can you have him call me?”

When Wanda leaves you move seats so you’re closer to your friends. The first row in front of the stage has a free seat and you slide into it with a sigh. Your friend whose birthday was today turns and hugs you tightly before looking around for your absent wife. You tell her that she stepped out and she just nods in understanding before smiling widely at you.

“Thank you so much for coming! And for recommending this place. It’s amazing!”

You smile widely before nodding in agreement. The service has been amazing, and you’re sure it still would be great even if Wanda wasn’t here. Still you believed that she made everything better. Your gaze wanders to the new group of dancers that have flooded into the club. You hadn’t realized that it was so late, but it didn’t matter much. You use this transition time to catch up with your friend. She’s only in town for her birthday and tomorrow, so you won’t have much time to hang out. You think about ordering another drink, but you don’t know what Wanda had ordered you. It was fruity because you drank it quickly and she got to see you tipsy and adorable. She let you finish the first one quickly, but the next one would either be watered down or not for a little bit. You didn’t like to get drunk and you made sure that she didn’t let you drink too much.

You end up ordering a mocktail and you’re sipping it as a new dancer wanders over toward your group. You stay quiet and wait to see what happens. You look over your shoulder hoping that your wife will suddenly appear.

“Hey there, beautiful.”

Tonight Wanda had dressed you up in a knee length green dress that showed off your curves, and kept her close by to make sure no one got too bold around you. You’re regretting her choice a little bit as you turn to see a beautiful blonde in front of you wearing something skintight and very transparent. You shift slightly before sitting up and looking around uselessly for your wife. Why you can’t have a sort of bat signal to summon her during times like this you’ll never know.

“Hi there. My wife just stepped out, but she’ll be back soon.”

You hoped this was true and you resist the urge to look for her again as you sit back in your chair and focus only on her face, not daring to look any lower as you smile politely while doing your best to convey zero interest in her. She smiles at you in a way that definitely doesn’t make your face flush at all. Walking towards you as you sink into your chair in an attempt to disappear, she eyes you curiously. She’s never seen you here before and she can’t help but want to get to know you as she watches you down your drink. She notices your wedding ring, but she ignores it for now as she moves closer to you and starts to lower herself into your lap.

“Well she won’t mind if I keep you company until she’s back.”

She definitely will, and you sit up suddenly to try and get away from the woman who’s about to sit in your lap. Your friends open their mouths to help you out too because they know how uncomfortable this makes you. You’re the only one of your friends who’s actually married, and of course you’d be the one that the stripper wants.

“Woah, no, no. Don’t—.”

“Hey! Get off of her!”

Wanda had finished up with her call and she was storming back into the club with a scowl and a ruined mood. She was going to have to deal with whoever fucked this up first thing tomorrow, but she’d like to try and get back to enjoying her time with you for now. She hates being interrupted when she is spending time with you no matter how long she’s taken away. She hurries back toward where she left you, and she takes a deep breath as she tries to calm down. She’s going to take advantage of the rest of tonight.

When she sees where you're sitting with your friends it takes her a moment to process the sight in front of her. You’re sitting in a different chair so you could be closer to your friends. However you’re not talking to them when she returns. You’re almost standing up as a new dancer that Wanda doesn’t recognize is only seconds away from sitting on your lap. Her scowl returns and she speaks up before she’s even within hearing distance which means she’s shouting across the room.

You jump in surprise and practically scramble out of your seat as you try to get as far away from the blonde as possible. Luckily the sound of your wife’s angry voice makes her stop in her tracks before backing away from you so fast that she runs into your friend who’d been out of her seat to help free you from the unwanted attention.

"Ms. Maximoff, I’m sorry, I--.”

Wanda didn’t give her a chance to try and come up with an excuse. She shakes her head before walking over so she’s standing in front of the blonde. She’s slightly taller than Wanda, but she seems to shrink under your wife’s harsh gaze. You almost feel bad for her.

“It’s Mrs, and the woman who told you no? That’s my wife.”

The woman turns pale and the visible horror is something you’ve only seen directed toward your wife a few times. You wait for only another second before Wanda turns her attention to you to make sure you’re alright.

“Get out of my club. You’re fired.”

You see the blonde consider arguing, but she thinks better of it and just nods before scurrying away as fast as possible. You frown as you reach out for Wanda with a relieved sigh. That was stressful. You ignore your friends' confused and shocked expression for a moment as you try to guess your wife’s mood. You pull her onto your lap and wrap your arms around her quickly with a small smile. You kiss her cheek and then lips when she turns in your hold to face you.

“Thank you for your great timing. I was about to come looking for you.”

Wanda nods as she watches the blonde disappear from sight and hopefully from her building. Everyone who stepped foot in here with an intention to work was shown her picture and told that she was the boss. The spiel was different depending on who told it, but the gist was to keep her happy and do as she said. Whether or not you were mentioned was something she’d have to check on, but the fact that she’d left you probably made it hard for people to know who you were. She didn’t want to keep a picture of you anywhere here . She didn’t want people to know who you were by face, only by name. She’s not sure if this is still the case after tonight.

“I’m sorry I was gone so long, detka. I should have left someone with you.”

You’re shaking your head because everything’s fine. It had been handled and you were just grateful to have your wife back. You give her another hug before sighing and looking over to your friends with a smile. It was getting late and you’d probably leave soon, but for now you’re going to sit back and enjoy having your wife in your lap.

“Don’t worry about it, Wands. I’m just glad you’re back.”

Wanda smiles as she shifts in your lap so she can throw her legs over the arm of the chair. She sighs before leaning further into you, and burying her face in your hair. You can’t help but smile as she stakes her claim for the new couple of dancers that wander toward your friends. You hold your wife close as you watch your friends have fun for the next half hour. You’re pretty sure Wanda’s fallen asleep on your lap, but you’re fine with that. You could stay here all night with your wife, and as you start to feel your eyes grow heavy you make sure that you have a good hold on her before you let yourself drift off.

“Night Wands.”

The only response you get is a mumble of acknowledgment and a tightening of the arms around your waist. You simply kiss your wife’s temple before closing your eyes and letting the noise of the club fade into the background.

Masterlist

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #silver springs #silver springs drabble #silver springs au #mob au

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mehiwilldoitlater · 9 months

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"He's lying to you."

You turn around, finally facing Zhongli.

"...Come again?"

Despite your initial stubbornness to not even look at him, your eyes lock with each other. His golden eyes were fueled by his last resort to convincing you to finally come back where he thought you belonged, alongside your people, the people of Teyvat. Besides him.

"WuKong is lying to you. I'm not sure what he even promised you or told you about us, but I'm sure that everything is nothing but a lie."

Or at least, that was what he thought. 500 years was the period of imprisonment that he had held the Sage hostage on the mountain, or at least it was the right amount that had passed. Zhongli believed that the ape was everything he hated at the time. While he tried to create order, WuKong craved chaos. While he wanted to use contracts to create peace, WuKong believed in freedom of choice. And while Zhongli preferred to be steady as the mountain, WuKong preferred to be like the clouds in their everlasting movements.

But what Zhongli really hated most about that monkey was the fact that he wanted more for himself and was actually able to get it. That creature gained immortality, a taboo for many, and somehow he survived the erosion of the mind that creatures like the Archons were supposed to fall for. He hated that he laughed in his face when Zhongli asked him to become a protector of Liyue, preferring to be an enemy for the nation rather than a slave king.

Only he and the creator themselves were able to free him from his captivity, and there you were. Your poor body is still covered in the scars that Liyue and the other nations caused. It was natural for you to prefer the Sage rose. To have him as your favorite and as your protector.

But Zhongli couldn't. For him, that was the last reason for him to despise the monkey more and claim his head. You chose Wu Kong over him.

For him, it was reasonable to reach the island in secrecy, where you, Wu Kong, and his generals lived. It was reasonable to sneak into your room and try to convince you to leave your friends. But you weren't reasonable, not to him.

"He's not lying to me. He would never!"

"Why? Because he gave you his word? Trust me, that monkey word is nothing! You're just another god to use for his own ambition."

"No! I know it's true! We're friends! You were the one that hurt me!"

Your words were swords in his heart. He knew that he could never apologize enough for your atrocity, but the idea of you with him was unbearable.

For every word you said, a new crack in the stone pavement appeared. He didn't back down.

"I know that the evil that I committed could never be forgiven, but trust me! I will make it up! Just please, come with me!"

"NO!"

More cracks. A rumbling in the sky.

"I'll never, EVER follow you! I prefer to die here right now than spend a single day with you!"

He fell to his knees, his head touching the now-cracked pavement.

"He will never care for you in the same way I do! Please I-"

"Oh really? You think so?"

His tail movements were a clear sign of his irritation at the presence of the Geoarchon there. His body backed on the window; he must have climbed there from outside. He was ready to kill whoever decided to cross his territory, but since it was his longtime friend Morax, he wanted to hear every little stupid sentence about him. Pathetic, that's what he thought.

Zhongli and WuKong's eyes crossed. The Archon distraction gave you the chance to run to your friend. WuKong reached out his hand, grasping you before Zhongli could even get the chance. holding you close to him. He was guarding you.

"First you tried to kill this innocent small flower, and now you're trespassing into my house? You have fallen from high status, old man."

"This is not the place for them, not with you!"

"Oh? So it is with you? With the follower that tried to kill them, tortured them, and then tried to kidnap them because he realized how stupid he was?"

Zhongli's eyes were filled with rage, but he couldn't act, not when you were so close to his enemy. How much he hated that scene—you so close to him, searching for his protection in his arms, his tail wrapping around you in a possessive way.

"Go back to your city, old one. Before I really got mad."

Despite being the god of war, WuKong had many tricks up his sleeves, one of which was you. It was natural; the ones that are the Creator's favorites had access to great powers. Silently, the Archon withdrew, while your eyes followed him with such venom in them.

You two needed five minutes to finally exhale a sigh of relief. Wu Kong gently caressed your head.

"Are you okay?"

You nodded silently, refusing to loosen the grip on his nightrobe.

"Let's stay together for this night. Just in case, uh?"

"Yeah, just in case."

#genshin impact #genshin sagau #zhongli #sunwukong #creator!reader

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zerofuckingwaste · 6 months

Text

Easy zero waste tip no. 6: Find out what caffeinated beverage you actually want/need, then learn how to make it; aka "The Starbucks Lie"

Tl;Dr: You may be misinformed about how coffee actually works, leading you to purchase beverages that you may not actually like, that may not serve the purpose you want them to serve, and you can save money (and the environment!) by learning to make something you'll actually like at home.

Last week, I went to Starbucks to get a pumpkin chai latte, because I'm not perfect and needed to fulfill a craving on a bad day- but at least I used a reusable cup. Anyhow, while I was there, I witnessed the following conversation, not for the first time, nor the last, which I'm sure is commonplace:

Barista: What can I get you?

Customer: Do you have a dark roast? I like my coffee dark.

B: We just have a medium roast ready, but I can do a dark roast pourover.

C: Nah, that's not going to be enough caffeine for me, and I need drip coffee, not anything fancy. I'll have an Americano, then- espresso beans should be high enough in caffeine!

Now, if this seems like a reasonable exchange, that's ok- you're likely not a trained barista, and even if you are, there's a chance your training was at least a little bit wrong. Let's walk through it point by point, to explain why this exchange made me want to tear my hair out of my head.

"I like my coffee dark!" Most likely, this is false- studies have shown that people are most likely to say they want dark coffee, when they actually most enjoy a lighter or medium roast. Darker roasts are bitter, partially due to having more tannins- which is why they can cause more side effects, like headaches and digestive issues.

"Not enough caffeine" In fact, the longer (darker) you roast coffee, the more caffeine it loses. If you want a highly caffeinated beverage, you should opt for the lightest roast available.

"I need drip coffee, not anything fancy (pourover)" Pourover is essentially a method of making drip coffee one cup at a time. No machine or anything, it's the least fancy coffee option possible.

"Espresso beans should have high enough caffeine" The beans used for espresso are the same as the beans used for the drip coffee- they're just ground more finely before going through the machine.

"An Americano [...] should have enough caffeine" An Americano is a double shot with hot water, about 160 mg of caffeine if you're getting a 'grande'. A drip coffee that same size is over 300 mg.

This man claimed to love coffee, but didn't understand anything about it, leading him to pay $4.39 for 160 mg of caffeine instead of $3.28 for almost double that- keeping in mind that number could easily have been doubled again had he opted for the lighter roast. So, let's fix that.

1. Light or Dark Roast?

Have you ever wondered why Starbucks has a medium roast, the Pike Place, as their go to roast all the time? It's because it's the most middle of the road, bland option, completely inoffensive- not very good, but also, not too bad. It's a blend from a bunch of places, so there's no overwhelming flavor besides coffee with a slight hint of being burned. That burn taste everyone complains about, btw, is a result of the roast being too dark for them, hello tannins!

A lot of things happen to coffee as you roast it. Let's go through each point one by one:

The color changes. The darker the roast, the darker the roast- literally. This is best gauged with ground coffee, where you can see the average of the whole bean, not just the outer shell.

The mass decreases due to a loss of moisture. However, the bean actually expands in volume due to the strength of the cell walls. In essence, the density decreases.

Oils seep out from inside of the beans, coating them, and protecting volatile chemical compounds that give them flavor.

The caffeine content is lessened the longer you roast.

With high heat, the Maillard reaction occurs. While this reaction is responsible for the lovely color and the viscous, dark flavor notes, it's also responsible for breaking down the citric and tartaric acid, which causes the sweet and fruity flavors to dissipate. It also breaks down chlorogenic acid, creating caffeic acid and quinic acid, aka bitter, bitter tastes.

High heat also causes caramelization of sugars- but at a certain point, those sugars start to burn away.

Taking all this into consideration, we can begin to figure out what kinds of coffee you'll actually like. One quick note: always get single origin coffees. Each region has its own flavors, and if you're only getting coffee from one spot in your cup, then those notes will be amplified for your enjoyment.

A dark roast will have less caffeine, a stronger coffee bitterness, and very simple, up front flavors: chocolate, nuts, smoke, wood, etc. (My favorite tastes like dark chocolate with a hint of hickory)

A light roast will have more caffeine, a lesser amount of bitterness, and very complex, more nuanced flavors: citrus, caramels, fruits, florals, etc. (My favorite tastes like blueberries and white chocolate, with notes of almonds)

No two coffees are alike. My recommendation is that you purchase a bag of whole beans from your favorite local cafe or roaster based on your caffeine needs, and try out different beans until you find one- or two, or five, or a dozen- that you really love.

One quick note- a much, much greater flavor difference can be found in aerobic v. anaerobic roasted beans. I recommend reading into this process on your own, it's fascinating- both of my favorite coffees are anaerobic roasts, as it happens.

2. How should I make my coffee?

I'm a big fan of the affogato. I'm a dessert for breakfast kind of gal, so it makes sense; a hefty double shot over a scoop of ice cream. Absolutely divine; I pretty much only do espresso for myself, although my partner greatly prefers French press.

The overall rule for caffeine in your coffee is that the finer the grind, the more caffeine you're going to get out of the bean. That being said, that doesn't mean the final product will actually have more caffeine than another method, as different ways of making coffee require different amounts of coffee grounds. Keep the ratio of grounds to water in mind for this reason. However, you must remember that the perceived strength of the beverage- the concentration of flavors- is not necessarily correlated to the amount of caffeine. I'll now go over a few methods of making coffee which can be 100% zero waste (assuming you compost those coffee grounds!).

Cold Brew- You either let grounds freely float in water, or let them steep inside of a little filter bag. Let it rest overnight, up to 48 hours. If you like your coffee cold, and not a lot of effort, this might be your best bet.

Pourover- You put grounds into a little filter over either your cup or a pitcher. Pour water over the filter and let it drip down. If you like having a calming morning ritual, this might be for you. Essentially the same as drip coffee, except you don't have to care about a machine.

French press- You put grounds in the bottom of the press, then fill with hot water, and let it steep for a few minutes, then press the grounds down. If you don't mind a little work every morning, waiting a few minutes (when you could prep your breakfast, perhaps) then give this a go.

Moka pot- You pour water into the base, then put grounds into the basket, then screw on the top. Place on the stovetop, and remove as soon as the coffee begins to come out of the spout within. If you like a strong cup but don't want to invest in espresso, this is a great option. The pressure is too low for it to be true espresso, but it's very good.

Manual espresso- This is a bit more complex. It will be the same as automatic espresso, except there's no chance of the machine failing for any electronic reason. You fill a little basket with grounds, then tamp them down. Water is brought to temperature, then pressed through the espresso at a relatively high psi. If you want espresso, this is the way. You can get an entry level (Flair makes several that are fantastic) or you can get something high end with a built in boiler (I have a La Pavoni with an attached steam wand, great purchase).

Automatic espresso- Essentially the same as manual, but the machine does the pressing for you. If you love espresso but don't want to do a lot of work for it, this is a great investment! If you can buy used, do- just make sure the brand is one that offers replacement parts.

There are plenty of other options, but these are a good place to get started, when figuring out what works for you.

3. Why do I want my coffee?

Are you looking for a caffeine boost to get through a rough workday? Do you want something sweet to accompany your breakfast? Are you just bored?

Figure out why you want your coffee, then tailor your morning experience to your needs. If you need a caffeine boost for a rough workday, maybe don't do anything time consuming- prepare a middle of the road medium roast cold brew for the week on Sunday, and go ahead and grab a glass in your hurry out the door each morning. If you want something sweet with breakfast, get a light roast and a French press, and make it part of the routine for the meal. If you're bored, do pourover with a dark roast into a funky mug, or learn to steam milk to make latte art.

Really, coffee is something lovely, that you should enjoy, without mindlessly spending money on something that's not even good. As a bonus, you can support local businesses (coffee roasters and cafes), develop a new skill, and better the environment.

#zero waste #sustainability #anti consumerism #anti consumption #sustainable #eco friendly #environment #cooking #food #kitchen #coffee #cafe #barista #coffee maker #coffee machine #espresso

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abitohoney · 1 year

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Loving your work Honey. Reader crushes on Sev since they frequent the same workout gym? I crave one where Sev workouts frequently. I think its so obvi she takes good care of her body aside from the smoking, drinking, and fighting lolol ^_^ - Kimari

I'm glad you're enjoying my silly little stories. Thank you! 🥰

Clearly, this woman works out. LOOK AT HER BICEP! 🥵

I could totally see Sevika purposefully working out in front of the gym window, hoping to catch the attention of some cute thing that happens to stroll by. I personally have no time for the gym, but if I found out Sevika was frequenting my local gym you better believe I'd be signing up for a membership! Or at least staring at her from the window. I have like zero flirting skills, so I’d probably do something stupid like hold a sign up to said window with my number on it and mouth the words “call me” while holding my fingers to the side of my head like a phone.

Anyway…

Drabble/ficlet (1.4k words) below the cut. (Gonna treat this like a modern AU as I doubt Zaun has gyms. At least not like we are accustomed to. Probably just a creepy abandoned warehouse or basement with a punching bag and a bench, or something like Jinx's cool punching contraption.)

SFW (Gasp! Me? Writing something without smut?)

You had been considering getting yourself a gym membership for some time. You just needed a little extra push before finally biting the bullet. Little did you know, that push would come in the form of a window display. And it wasn’t the equipment.

After having heard about a new promotion at one of your local gyms, you decided to go check the place out. As you strode past the large windows lining the front of the establishment, you curiously peered inside. A long row of treadmills and bikes lined the first half or so, most of them occupied. Nothing surprising about that. But when you continued on, noting a series of benches, something- or rather someone- caught your eye.

You froze in your spot and turned to face said eye-catching person. And, my oh my, did you just find your reason to get that membership. Standing beside one of the benches lifting a single dumbbell was a tall, dark, and incredibly buff woman. Immediately your eyes were drawn to a flexing bicep.

Wow.

Just as the woman's gaze lifted to peer outside in your direction, you quickly resumed your trek towards the entrance, praying she hadn't seen you gaping.

While the girl behind the front desk recited the rules and conditions, you quickly found yourself tuning her out completely. Instead, you scanned the gym, hoping to get another glimpse of the attractive woman. As if the gods heard your wish, you spotted her striding across the room. And not only that, she was staring right at you. Your eyes locked with hers and her dark lips pulled into a small smirk. It only lasted for a fleeting moment before her eyes left yours, but it was enough to make your stomach flutter and your pulse quicken.

Wait- was she… smiling at-

"Excuse me, ma'am," the voice of the clerk pulled you out of your daze.

Reluctantly, you turned back to her and mumbled a quick apology.

"Do you understand the rules and agree to the terms and conditions of the membership?" She repeated.

You failed to take note of her irritated tone, still swooning over that brief moment. So you simply gave her a quick, "Yes, I understand." The sooner you got this over with, the sooner you could get in that gym.

To workout.

That's all.

With a brand new shiny membership card, you started visiting the gym. Frequently. For no other reason than to improve your health. The fact that you happened to notice which days your latest crush visited, and happened to set your schedule to the same days was entirely coincidence. At least that's what you would tell anyone who asked.

Although you always situated yourself far enough from the woman, you still ensured you faced her, observing her as nonchalantly as you could manage. Taking mental notes.

She rarely spoke to anyone. Only mumbled something to herself under her breath occasionally. She normally looked rather perturbed, brows furrowed and lips pulled into a frown. But anytime her eyes met yours, those soft-looking lips of hers pulled into the faintest smirk. Her left arm was actually a prosthetic, mostly metal, and painted to look like a mix of copper and gold, with neon purple accents that resembled tubing.

It wasn't until one day on her way out that you finally learned of her name.

"See you next Monday, Sevika!" You overheard the girl behind the desk call out with a smile. A smile you thought looked a bit suspicious. A little too… flirty. Not that you cared. Nope!

So… Sevika? What a gorgeous name. Fitting.

Several weeks passed without so much as a word to or from Sevika. You simply admired her from a distance. Admired how her workout clothes- a simple pair of shorts and a tank that revealed her midriff- clung to every line and every curve. How the expanse of her exposed rich, brown skin glistened with sweat. How each muscle beneath her arms, across her back, and down her legs- all flexed as she moved. She really gave a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘tall, dark, and handsome’. She was truly stunning.

A goddess among men.

But you would never approach her. You were far too fearful of rejection. After all, what would a goddess want with a mere mortal like you? So you settled for just crushing on her, daydreaming of what it might be like to feel those muscles beneath your hands. To feel those strong arms wrapped around you as she holds you tight.

However, as you would soon find out, she had her eyes on you as well.

One day, as you took a seat on the nearest weight bench, you discovered Sevika situated not more than a few feet from you. She was bent over, back to you, and facing a mirror while she picked up a large weight in her flesh hand.

Momentarily forgetting what you even sat down to do, you let your eyes travel up the backs of her toned calves and over the curve of her ass. And as she straightened up, you were blessed with the expanse of her muscular back. When your gaze reached her broad shoulders you gawked, transfixed on those muscles as they moved like waves behind her smooth skin.

Realization hit all too late that you were openly ogling this woman, and your eyes darted to the mirror to check if you’d been caught. Reflected gray eyes locked onto yours.

Shit!

She caught you. And yet you couldn’t look away from those beautiful gray eyes, caught like a deer in headlights. Oddly enough though, she didn’t appear angry. Instead, out of your periphery you notice a small upward tug at the corner of her mouth.

Ripped from your stupor, you quickly turned away, praying to any deity willing to listen that Sevika somehow hadn’t known you’d been intentionally watching her. Too flustered by that slip-up, you laid back on the bench and just grabbed the barbell previously loaded on the hooks, with no regard for just how heavy it might be.

You somehow managed to lift the damn thing, but then nearly dropped it on your chest. You strained to keep it up, every muscle in your arms screaming and burning.

God, if you died right here, like an idiot, in front of the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever seen-

“Need a spotter?” a delightfully deep voice called.

Fuck, you really were dying. You could hear the voice of an angel.

Wait- a spotter? Why the hell would an angel say that?

You tilted your head back against the bench to find a pair of familiar gray eyes peering down at you, and just below those was a pair of dark lips curled into a lopsided grin.

Just let me die now.

Suddenly being caught gaping earlier didn’t feel nearly as embarrassing.

“Please,” you gasped.

With no effort, Sevika grasped the barbell and lifted it back onto the hooks.

“Thanks,” you panted as you sat up. You watched her from your periphery, too ashamed to meet her gaze. You expected her to leave. To return to her routine now that she’d saved the dumbass who tried to lift more than they could handle. To your surprise, she remained at your side, her large frame casting a shadow over you with how close she stood.

"Can't help but notice the way you've been watching me," she finally said after an excruciating stretch of silence.

Damn, her voice was just as smooth and rich as her body.

Her words replayed in your head, finally sinking in. Heat rushed up your neck and flooded your cheeks. Had you really been that obvious- besides just today?

"Oh I- I'm sorry I-" you stammered.

"Maybe you'd like to do more than watch?" she asked, not allowing you to finish your pathetic attempt at an apology.

"What? I- You mean…" Why were words suddenly so fucking hard?

"Let me take you out to dinner tonight."

Oh, that's not what you thought she meant. Of course she didn't mean anything like that.

"I'd really like that,” you replied sheepishly and finally looked up at her with a small smile.

Yeah? Hmm," she hummed. Then she leaned over and brought her mouth to your ear. "Then maybe afterward we can go to your place for dessert?"

AN: I feel like a lot of what I write is incredibly cheesy/corny. I'm such a dork. I'm sorry. 😭 Sevika would like a dorky gf though. At least that's what I tell myself. Lol

#arcane #sevika #sevika x reader #sevika imagine #arcane sevika x reader #honey writes

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rahleedraws · 8 months

Text

Meditative Cuddling

Concept: Astarion doesn’t really understand the concept of cuddling but somehow craves it

Takes place after the confession scene in Act II

Extra fluffy, Tav is a Tiefling Druid

Astarion x nonbinary!Tav (they/them pronouns)

This is my first time posting a little fic, please be kind ☺️

Nighttime. Everyone else has gone back to their tents after a long day in the Shadowlands. The lack of sun throughout each day has been weighing heavily on all of them as the days went on, but somehow more-so on the vampire. Astarion only just finally got a taste of sunshine back after centuries without it, so having to go back to darkness when he was allowed the sun again…well, he was feeling a little bitter.

Astarion sat, staring at the campfire, Tav just beside him. They weren’t touching, just sitting in the silence of the night, lost in their own thoughts. It’s been like that the past few nights after Astarion confessed feeling something for them - not a lot of talking or touching. He continued to be a little artificially flirtatious towards them, but it’s hard to break a habit, especially when he now felt incredibly awkward and unsure of himself around them. Of course, Tav would only chuckle at his poetic and snarky words. He genuinely had no idea what they saw in him…

When Astarion had admitted “honestly, I have no idea what we’re doing,” he meant it. He was lost. What could he do for them if not sex? What did he bring to the table? What could they both do together? Was this it, just sitting in each other’s company? He didn’t mind that so much. In fact, he enjoyed it immensely, just being in their presence. However, there was something more that he felt he craved, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. All he knew was that they deserved more. They deserved more than pretty words and his burdens that he seems to keep pushing on them. Tav of course didn’t mind carrying some of the weight on Astarion’s shoulders, but he had a hard time seeing that.

Stewing in his own self doubt the past few days, in the darkness of these lands, Astarion started to feel insecure about whether that day he confessed happened at all. He started to feel like he wasn’t close enough to Tav, like he wasn’t doing enough to keep them around. For a second he was tempted to speak up as they sat there, to offer himself like he always did out of habit…but then Tav got up.

They put a warm hand on his shoulder and gave him a quick kiss on his head, sending a sudden jolt from his crown down to his spine.

“I’m off to sleep. Try to get some rest, love.” Love. It was the first time Tav called him that. Astarion could dish out “darling’s” and “my sweet’s” any day, but suddenly it was aimed back at him with genuine feeling.

Just as Tav was about to walk off, Astarion quickly grabs their hand before it lifted off his shoulder. They paused for a moment, waiting for him to say something, but for some reason he couldn’t speak. Tav grew concerned.

“Are you alright? Is something the matter?”

Astarion kind of shakes his head, more-so to clear the fog rather than a response, “No…no, I just—“

Tav crouches back down to get a better view of his face, to see his expression, and places a hand on his back - a reassuring gesture. Astarion jumps a little at the touch.

“Oh,” they immediately take their hand away, “sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

More, Astarion immediately thought, surprising himself by this. That. That’s what I want.

Suddenly feeling awkward and extremely vulnerable, he reaches for Tav’s hands, cupping them into his own. He continues to look away from them, though, feeling rather embarrassed.

“May I…go back with you to your tent?”

Tav looks confused for a moment, “Uh, I thought you said—“

Astarion looks up at them with a fully flushed face, as red as a vampire’s face can be, “oh Gods, no. No that’s not what I meant!” He puts his hand to his face, almost like he’s shielding his embarrassment away from them. “Hells, I’m terrible at this.”

Then it occurs to Tav, “Oh! Did you want a snuggle?”

Astarion gives them a grumpy look as Tav tries - and fails - to hide a bemused smile. “Do not look so amused, darling.”

They chuckle, “I’m sorry, that was just so cute.”

“Cute?” He looks slightly offended “Cute is what you call an owlbear with its feathers all fluffed up. Cute is what you call Scratch when he fetches your ball. I am not cute, I am gorgeous and sophisticated.” He scoffs.

Tav has a hard time not currently seeing an owlbear in front of them, huffy with his feathers all fluffed up, “Mhmm…”

They get up and grab Astarion’s hand to pull him up alongside them, “come, my gorgeous and sophisticated love.” They don’t let go of his hand as they lead him to their tent, and Astarion, pouty as he tries to be, relishes the feeling of their fingers interlaced.

He doesn’t recall having ever been inside Tav’s tent during the entirety of their travels together. They’ve only ever spent time in his…he shakes the creeping fog away again. No, it’s different now. No manipulation, just…their company. Upon entering the tent, a waft of lavender and rosemary pleasantly hits his nose. The very scent of his favorite Druid. How they keep themselves and the inside of their tent from smelling absolutely horrid during several weeks in the wilderness baffles and impresses Astarion. This causes him to second guess himself, and while Tav’s back is turned for a moment, he brings his shirt to his nose, trying to remember the last time he used his special perfume.

Tav adjusts the pillows and the rustic cushioning of straw and grass beneath the blankets. They go to lay down on their side and pat the spot next to them, gesturing for Astarion to lay down beside them. He stands awkwardly for a moment, then almost starts to kneel but forgets he still has his shoes on. He quickly shuffles those off then goes back to kneeling down onto the bedding. He crawls up beside Tav, laying on his side to look at them, still leaving a bit of space between them. Tav reaches out to play with and twirl a couple of the stray curls that teased his forehead, and Astarion lets them. They move their hand down to caress his cheek with the back of their fingers and he closes his eyes, letting out a small exhale, not realizing he was holding his breath. Tav smiles sweetly at the look of peace on his face as they continue caressing him with the back of their hand. They place their hand on the side of his face, using their thumb to rub his cheek some more. If they didn’t know better, they would have thought he fell asleep with how still he suddenly became.

They pull their hand away for only a moment and Astarion’s eyes immediately pop open, looking especially doe-y, almost looking sad that they stopped. Tav holds back a chuckle.

They scoot themselves closer to Astarion and move their hand gently over his waist to his back, bringing him closer into their chest. He stiffens a little, unsure what to do with himself, every touch a jolt to his nerves. He’s not used to this kind of affection.

Tav notices this and pulls their head back just a little, “are you alright? It’s okay if you’re uncomfortable. We don’t have to do this…”

Astarion lays his hand on the bicep of the arm wrapped around his waist, “I’m alright, darling, I…it’s just taking some getting used to. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything like…well, like this.” He looks away in embarrassment. “But I know that I want nothing more than this right now.” He takes a second to ground himself, fighting everything within him that’s yelling at him for being vulnerable. Tav attempts to reassure him by stroking his hair back at his temples, soothing his nerves more with each pass. He’s safe here. He couldn’t be anywhere safer, and he begins to come to terms with that as his nerves start to settle. He begins to melt a little, feeling peace wash over him with every stroke through his silvery locks, every caress of his shoulder and arm.

Astarion finally lets himself be. He brings his arms inward and scoots closer to Tav, letting them envelope him in their arms. So close to their chest now, he can smell the lavender on their skin, and the comforting musk. He could hear their heart beat in perfect rhythm, feel their breath cascade down onto him.

Tav buries their face into his curly hair, nuzzling his head a little, taking in his scent as well. Whatever pomade he uses, it smells lovely. Citrusy. With their arm wrapped around him, they begin to gently rub his back. He does jump a couple times, but eventually his muscles relax as they give into the soothing touch.

They stay like that for a long while. Astarion has never been held so affectionately, has never felt so comfortable in his skin. He certainly has never been touched in a way that wasn’t meant to lead to other activities…

Eventually he could hear the ever-steadying breaths of Tav. He gently pulls away just enough to peak up at their face - eyes closed, mouth slightly open in sleep. I can’t possibly be this lucky, he thinks to himself. First the seemingly impossible escape from Cazador’s grasp, and now this? Surely the parasite will make them illithid, or he’ll be captured by Cazador once again, or something will happen to take this happiness away from him again.

He pulls away further from his sleeping companion, nearly about to be consumed by his fear again…

…but then Tav grumbles at this movement in their sleep, a whine escaping them as they grab towards Astarion again. They end up laying on his chest as he lays on his back, their arm sprawled across his torso. He’s taken by surprise, completely forgetting where his mind was wandering for the moment. He can’t help but chuckle to himself. Slowly and gently, he wraps his arms around their back, accepting his fate without issue. Their horns stretch out in front of his face, and although he’s unsure of the intricacies of tiefling nervous systems, he decides to give a quick peck to one of them anyways, mostly for himself. He cautiously moves his hand so as not to wake them and starts stroking the hair behind their pointed ears as they sleep. Tav lets out a sleepy sound of approval. Astarion smiles to himself, now realizing cuddling them felt just as good as receiving their cuddles.

Astarion places his one hand back onto their back, letting Tav rest there on his chest, resting his own head back against the pillows. He never thought he could meditate this way as an elf, being at peace with someone you care for in your arms. He sighs in contentment. Perhaps I’ll never have to meditate any other way again…

#astarion x tav #bg3 astarion #bg3 #astarion x mc #baldurs gate 3 #fanfic

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acefaun · 9 months

Note

Hello my lovely lady. 💓 I was wondering if you could write a, Lindir x female elf reader story? Lindir appears in the hobbit movies. Please ✨🥺

Lindir~ Purposeful

Synopsis: Lindir is surprised to find you, his long-time crush, traveling with a company of dwarves. He’s fearful for your life, so what can he say that will get you to stay by his side?

🍃Masterlist🍃 Female Elf MC!

A/n: To start, I was looking up videos on YouTube to get more familiar with Lindir and the first commercial I got was “Lindor, made to melt you” and I wheezed over it for the longest hour of my life. 💀 I was destined to be a Lindir simp; the YouTube gods have foretold thus.

–Word Count: 1,760–

The clean air of day was a welcome thing in Rivendell, it was always such a peaceful place and its magic was enough to soothe even mental ailments. Well… it was mostly always peaceful, if you consider that a company of dwarves—even if small—was a rare sight.

To make this company even stranger, Lindir was most interested in the fact that a familiar elf-maiden was traveling with a bunch of rowdy dwarves, an unassuming hobbit, and a gray wizard—but this elf-maiden wasn’t just any elf of Middle Earth… You were an elf that he had once held affections for… and oddly, upon being in your vicinity again, his feelings seemed to blossom strongly. How was it you managed to hold his heart for so long?

He wasn’t originally going to disturb you while you took your rest in Rivendell before heading out into the wilds of the world… but per Lord Elrond’s orders, Lindir was the one to make sure the guests were comfortable—that included you. And where else should he have found you besides on a balcony, looking over the beauty that was your home land?

You had clearly heard him approach you, so it didn’t startle you when he suddenly commented, “You’re not with your companions.”

You lifted an eyebrow. “Should I be?” You were sure that even Lindir would understand that you just wanted to relish being home while you had the chance.

After a half-second of hesitating, Lindir asked, “What is a maiden doing with… this lot?” He picked his words slowly and carefully, not meaning to offend you if you just so happened to prefer the company of dwarves to your own kind.

“Gandalf is a dear friend, and I agreed to join this company on his behest,” you answered as if it were a noble mission, and not some game of death that had the potential of a dragon killing you all at once. “And… if I’m being honest, I traveled with them because Gandalf said we’d be passing through Rivendell.” You paused again, quietly adding, “I haven’t been home in a while…”

“You haven’t,” Lindir agreed, though he looked almost neglected as he quietly asked, “Is that truly the only reason you came?”

In truth, you had craved to visit Rivendell specifically for the chance to see Lindir again, but now that he was in front of you, you didn’t know how to make words. You could only shyly utter, “It’s one of my reasons…”

Even after all the time you spent away from Rivendell, things never changed between the two of you; you were always dancing around one another, neither saying what you really meant.

Lindir tested, “You're truly following them to face a dragon?” That was the harsh reality you faced; and you could tell Lindir was worried about you.

Things fell into a tense silence as you stared whimsically at the waterfalls. Instead of answering his question, you tried to brush it off and say, “I'm helping them return to their home.”

Lindir sighed as he observed you. He always thought you were so selfless and put others before yourself; but you also had a great heart-wrenching habit of putting others before him… Based on your response he asked, “But will you return home?”

It was unlikely, though you couldn't give him an answer and the silence persisted until you finally offered, “Let's take a walk.”

Thankfully, he didn't disagree. He'd never tell you no. But taking a walk with Lindir, all you could do was reminisce about your past together rather than focusing on a bleak future that you may or may not have.

Still, you couldn't avoid the topic for long. By the way he fidgeted with his hands, you could tell Lindir was nervous—or maybe not nervous; he seemed genuinely scared, and you were unsure how to comfort him or assure him you'd be alright.

But you never had time to try before Lindir spoke, “You're a strong maiden… and I should have the utmost faith in your abilities. I only…” He trailed off, though he expected you would understand what he was trying to get at.

“Again?” You asked quietly. It felt like déjà vu all over. This conversation had happened before… It occurred the first time you had left Rivendell for a life of adventure. But now that you've experienced the world for yourself, you knew what you had to tell him. “You have a purpose with Lord Elrond… Mine is not such a lavish pursuit. I wish to help those I can help so long as it's in my power to do so. That means…” You continued slowly, “venturing outside of Rivendell.”

It was a suitable response, even he could admit that, but it wasn't what he wanted to hear. “But what power do you have against a dragon?” It was his turn to make a point as he still tried to convince you, “I'm sure if you stayed we could find something-”

“Mellon nin(my friend),” you interrupted softly. “I am to my sword and bow as you are to your literature and voice.”

Lindir seemed particularly upset, though you knew the details of your journey this time were much more imminently dangerous. But his complaints caught you off guard. “But why for dwarves? Of all the reasons you could have to wield a weapon…” He sighed warily as if just mentioning Thorin’s company caused him a headache. “And I can only imagine if they're as… rambunctious as they were at the meal with Lord Elrond…” He trailed off unsure of what kind of insult he could have to throw their way without equally insulting you. “I fail to see why you would go so far.”

“Honestly… They're not as bad as you think. They're a merry bunch, really—even if we have our differences.” You paused, gauging Lindir’s seemingly mournful expression. Was he that upset over the company you joined? “Lindir, I know you think little of dwarves, but there's more to them than meets the eye. Sure, they can be rude and brutish and stubborn… and many other things—you probably have a list longer than the distance across Middle Earth—but my point is that-”

“Meleth nin(my love),” he interrupted you with red cheeks. It made you come to a pause as well as you processed his words. “Let us stop this foolish dance,” he sternly demanded; his rigid body language telling you he was taking this conversation very seriously, and he would not continue to dance this never ending dance with you. “We both know it is not the dwarves that make me wish for you to change your mind. Your aspiration to help them is a noble one.” He paused, trying to come up with the right words to say under your seemingly heavy gaze. But, for the first time in his long life, words weren't coming easily to him. Sighing, he relented, finally asking, “Is it selfish that I want you to stay… for me?”

Your heart skipped as your wide eyes stayed trained on his face for any hidden meaning, anything that could give you a hint as to how to reply. “Lindir…” He called you his love… You were just as speechless as he seemed to have been. “Lindir…”

Glancing away from you, he was feeling awkward at how you only seemed to be able to utter his name. Perhaps he had misread something of your relationship. “Sorry,” he sincerely apologized. “I'm asking too much of you, mellon nin(my friend)…” He admitted to himself, glancing away, avoiding the cold heartache of rejection. “I should return to my duties…”

“Wait,” you called, making him stop to at least regard you. “Did… Did you mean it?”

He stayed frozen, exceedingly quiet for a few moments before he acknowledged, “Every word.”

You faltered, uttering quietly, “Meleth(love)…” You searched his gaze for truth and he desperately searched yours in return. Seeing the longing in your gaze, he embraced you in his arms as quickly as you were to wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer to you. “Le melin(I love you)...”

His arms tightened around you, not wanting to even think about you leaving his embrace. Despite your soft declaration of your feelings, he timidly asked, “Will you stay with me?” Pausing he rephrased, “Actually…” He met your gaze, and you found him staring at you with tenacity deep in his eyes. “It’s less of a question… (Name), I want you to stay with me.”

“Lindir-”

“Let me be your purpose,” he interrupted you. “I know you are a strong maiden and you would wish to use this strength in the defense of others, but I cannot let you go again… not when I don’t know if you’ll return to me. I will speak to Thorin myself about relinquishing your service to the company. Just… say you'll allow me.”

“Lindir,” you called once again for his attention, the elf too determined with his plans to recognize that you already had your answer. “Let me talk to Thorin with you. I owe an explanation to them.”

His heart soared as he took this as an agreement, a promise that you weren't going to leave him, that you were going to stay with him; it was a sign that you loved him as much as he loved you. “Very well, meleth nin(my love).”

And he was all too eager to break the news to your company… except for the fact that the dwarves had already seemed to have left. He should have been relieved that they had gone on without you… but this presented a different issue that needed addressing.

Now… If only they knew what the odd smirks between Gandalf and Lord Elrond were about…

#middle earth #the hobbit #the hobbit lindir #the hobbit fanfic #lindir x reader #lindir

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acourtofthought · 3 months

Note

Hello, good night!!

What do you think about this?

A brazilian girl (E|riel stan) made

Hi there!

SJM did say that it's possible for there to be two mating bonds however she said that before we found out that Rowans bond with Lyria was fake.

I really think the point of her saying that was to keep the theories that Rowan and Aelin were mates alive until she revealed the truth.

If two mates were truly going to be a thing in her world, why have we never seen it after 10+ new mating bonds? Why do we have confirmation of a character losing his mate in the CC series and continuing to speak on how he's lost half his soul?

Bloodbane does inhibit someones magic and the ability to reach out to their mate.....but Bloodbane does not have the ability to erase a bond. Just like wearing noise cancelling headphones doesn't take away my ability to hear on a permanent basis. So yes, it's possible someone may not have felt their bond if Bloodbane was in their system but the second the poison was out of their bloodstream, the bond would be restored. And the Mother / Fate cannot be "tricked" into who is supposed to have a bond because of poison. She / It is the one who decides on bonds in the first place. Besides, Az didn't seem to have any trouble at all snarling at the king for speaking to Mor and we know he doesn't have a bond with her, it's clear that SJM wanted to be sure that we all remembered Lucien as the one who tried to get to Elain's side as she was being forced into the Cauldron before he knew they were mates. Bond or no bond, that's good stuff.

There is a carranam bond but that's not what Amren was talking about. In that scene they were all clearly talking about Feysands mating bond. As we know Elucien does have a mating bond then it's safe to say their bond also cannot be undone.

The Cauldron was corrupted by the Asteri so they could use it to create evil monsters and dangerous weapons. They also tied the Cauldron to the land so it could not be destroyed without destroying the land. There is absolutely nothing to suggest they had any interest in messing with mating bonds and I'm not sure why they would. The Asteri created beings that they felt they could control. Thinking they wanted to "mate" them to other beings in order to create strong offspring would mean something could be born that could possibly become a threat to them. Also, we found out that one character who was originally from Prythian ended up mated to someone from Hel. Mating bonds exist across dimensions and that is not something the Asteri had anything to do with.

Rhys was definitely the product of an unhappy bond because his father was cold and vicious and his mother was soft and fiery. His father also snatched her away the very day the bond snapped.

As the only comparable piece of information from this is the fact that Elain is also soft and fiery, I think it's clear we don't have to worry about Lucien being anything like Rhys's father.

Truth Tellers special power is what it can do when used with the Starsword. And only when used by a descendent of Theia. Yes, Elain was the first person Az let use it but as far as we know, it's also the first time Az had to sit out of a battle and someone was in need of a dagger. And the reason Az sat out of battle is because Mor begged him "with tears in her eyes" to sit out. Az did not fight because the female he loved asked him not to.

I also have a theory about Truth Teller and that Az is going to end up giving it to Emorie so there's a chance Az lending it to Elain is no different than Amren giving Feyre a piece of her jewelry and convincing her it's what got her out of the prison.

Elain likes balls and parties, Az likes his space. Elain craves sunshine, Az prefers shadows. Elain is good at talking to people. Az barely talks. Elain loves nature. Az likes........snowball fights, I guess? But that's in the winter and Elain can't do what she loves in winter. Cruelty bothers Elain and Az tortures people in a symphony of pain.

Feyre and Nesta both had their bonds described as a thread. Feyre even send she felt something pulling at her gut. Elain feeling a tug on her rib is a lot more romantic than someones stomach.

We actually don't know if Elain wants Lucien. It seems she doesn't, she says she doesn't, but looking at Feyre in book 1, would we have ever known she wanted Rhys even UTM? Looking at Nesta at the start of SF, did it seem like she wanted Cassian? Considering Aelin said something extremely derogatory towards Rowan, was it easy to guess they were going to end up together? When Yrene told Chaol she only got close to him because opiates made people do stupid things, would that have clued us in to them falling in love?

(Hopefully I'm making my point here, lol).

Az's mother does live in Rosehall......and that's the most ridiculous reason for anyone to think Elain should end up with him when we know absolutely nothing about it or his mother. Feyre looked at the Night Sky and ended up in the Night Court. Elain says she needs Sunshine, not roses.

SJM tends to sample from fable and mythology however in the books these things are almost unrecognizable. So anyone trying to convince themselves of an E/riel endgame based on things SJM has sampled or might sample from should probably check in with the people who thought Bryce would end up living in Prythian as the ruler of the Dusk Court with Az.

I hope you have a great night!!!

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #anti e/riel #pro lucien vanserra #pro elain archeron

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ashleyh713fanfics · 2 months

Text

Dazai x Odasaku!Sister

Chapter 2 "I Could Really Go For Some Curry"

Summary: After Dazai lost the previous bet, he is now officially Odasaku's little sister's boyfriend. But does she really know what she's asking for? How could she want to date a demon?

Warning: Self destructing Dazai, Odasaku death mentions, slight bsd wan content mention, manipulative behavior from both sides. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter two of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. )

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long) Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 5k

----

Walking down the long port mafia corridors, Dazai placed his hands inside of his pockets before tuning out the world around him in order to fully envelop himself in his own dark thoughts.

Last night's events appeared a moment later, causing the boy’s eyes to narrow with distasteful memory. He didn’t mean to agree to Odasaku’s sister's foolish request for him to be her boyfriend, it just sort of happened in the moment.

And the longer he got from that moment, the more Dazai Osamu regretted it.

Now don’t be mistaken, it wasn’t like he actually cared about the girl. The mafioso knew he was incapable of such a thing. Sure, he was enticed but it was surface level at best. The truth was, if she was anyone else Dazai would’ve already broken her for fun.

But it was the fact that she was Odasaku’s sister that made him hold back from such a desire. He knew deep down that his old friend wouldn’t have wanted her to be destroyed, especially by his fingers. Hell, the boy knew he wouldn’t have wanted Dazai anywhere near her.

That’s what Ango said, why Oda had kept her a secret, why he kept her out of Yokohama and by giving into her request he knew he was already dishonoring his memory in the worst possible way.

But try as he may, Dazai just couldn’t walk away, knowing that a piece of his precious found family was still here in this world. He had wished for it, craved it with his entire soul as he grieved his death.

And like a miracle, Asagao had appeared to answer his prayer.

That’s why he agreed, it wasn’t because of her, it wasn’t because he had grown a heart suddenly, it was to use her. It was to keep Odasaku in his life no matter how small.

He was selfish, so unbelievably selfish, wanting more than he deserved.

But even the brutal port mafia executive knew that his reasonings were fucked up. He knew that he shouldn’t be manipulating such a pure soul into his own whims. But how else was he supposed to do it? Dazai only knew how to exploit and control.

Pushing his fingers to his chin in silent thought, Dazai paused his steps. He supposed he could play the part of a devolved lover while using her. That’s what she wanted anyways, right? She did ask him to be her boyfriend. But how could he do that without being manipulative and underhanded in order to not shame Odasaku?

He then thought back to his past “relationships” before frowning to himself. Now that he mentioned it, the boy never did anything besides that. He always just used women when he saw fit and left them crying once he was finished with his physical needs.

Well that wasn’t gonna work.

Damn it, being a good person was harder than he thought.

Although that’s when a familiar voice broke through his personal bubble as a flash of annoying orange crossed his vision. “Hey, shitty Dazai. What are you doing standing in the damn way like that? You finally figure out how insufferable you are?”

Already feeling a sense of dread in his throat, Dazai then looked up from his solitude in order to focus on his idiot partner in front of him. And just like that, any deep thought flew from his mind in order to participate in his favorite activity.

Pissing the kid off. “Wooow, that’s a big word for you Chuuya, I didn't know you had it in you, considering you’re so small..”

Already seeing his eyes twitch in response, Chuuya’s face filled with anger in order to reach forward and grab onto Dazai’s jacket with a rough shout. “Ha?! I dare you, say that to me again jackass and see what happens!!”

The boy only smirked though, enjoying the pure reaction he got. Chuuya never failed to bring him entertainment. He was the best toy around. Every word that got under his skin was like music to the demon’s ears.

And although he wouldn’t ever admit it, Dazai knew that his partner brought life to the boring mediocrity of his sad pathetic life, if only for a moment. They were the closest thing each other had to the term “friends”, in a fucked up, manipulative, forced to be together kinda way.

Yet even so, Dazai couldn’t help but enjoy poking fun at the boy. Perhaps it was because Chuuya was so human to him while he was the opposite?

Turning his head up in challenge, Dazai then indeed dared. “What, am I too tall for you to understand me the first time? Can’t hear me all the way from up here, Chuuya? Or should I say petite mafia?”

Then all at once, Dazai reveled in the boy’s face, his eyes practically bulging from his skin as he tightened his grip on the bandaged boy with unmatched fury. “P-Petite?! Who are you calling petite, you social misfit!”

Shaking the boy around a couple times, Chuuya then seemed to realize the manipulation before roughly letting go of his shitty partner with an aggravated sigh. “God, the first thing I have to see once I get back is your shitty face? Talk about bad luck.”

Dazai only nodded in response though, his shoulders moving in a disgruntled shrug. “You’re telling me. I was enjoying my day until you came along and ruined it.”

And for once, it seemed like the boy’s agreed on something, Chuuya’s eyes immediately moving past the bandaged annoyance in order to shove his hands into his pockets. “Well that makes two of us, shitty mackerel. Now get out of my way. I gotta go inform the boss about the mission. Do me a favor and go kill yourself while I’m gone.”

Yet that’s when Dazai’s eyes sparkled with pure joy for his partner’s dark request, lifting his hands up in an excited and bubbly wave. “Say less!”

Realizing his words had the opposite effect, Chuuya then paused for a moment before closing his eyes with an exasperated mutter. “Such a pain in my ass, I swear.”

Of course he’d be happy about that kinda request, the sick bastard.

And as Chuuya started to leave, Dazai couldn’t help but lower his eyes in silent thought. What would his partner say to Odasaku’s odd request to be good? Would he laugh at him, would he tell him that it was impossible? The boy didn’t know.

Chuuya was always so real and human, surely he would be able to treat Oda’s sister with the care that she deserved. If he was in Dazai’s position the boy would’ve probably had a million ideas on how to go about Asagao’s ridiculous request.

But he wasn’t Chuuya, he wasn’t human, he was something else entirely.

Something wrong.

Dazai knew he didn’t have the capacity or ability to carefully hold Odasaku’s greatest treasure between his fingers and not crush her. He was inadequate and insufficient in every possible way.

Allowing his voice to escape a moment later, Dazai turned towards the red haired kid slowly. “Hey Chuuya..”

The boy only expected another insult though, his shoulders immediately going rigid in order to turn back with a high pitched short. “What?!”

And for a moment, Dazai remained silent, willing the words to his mind. How do I be good? How can I honor Odasaku’s wish when I’m so defective? How can I be more human like you?

Pushing his lips together in order to suck in a heavy breath, the boy then dropped his hands before giving Chuuya a tight forced smile. “Nothing, never mind.”

Chuuya paused at that though, his head turning at the strange new atmosphere only for Dazai to add playfully. “I was just going to say that your outfit today is super tacky. Where did you get it from again? The emo bargain bin?”

Then all at once, all the concern seemingly drained from Chuuya’s face in order for it to be replaced by pure visceral hatred. “You..that’s it you bandaged wearing freak! I’m gonna make you regret that!!”

And as he watched Chuuya stalk over to him in order to wash the unpleasant feelings and emotions from his mind the boy smiled bitterly. Who was he kidding? He could never ask such a ridiculous thing.

Dazai knew the answer already anyways.

He knew that anything other than this was impossible for him.

Asagao would be disappointed in him also, just like he knew Odasaku was.

-----

Humming to herself, Asagao skipped through the kitchen, mentally making a checklist of everything in her mind before turning towards the clock on the left in order to physically jump and try to hype herself up.

It was almost time, everything had to be perfect.

The girl then frowned to herself in order to place a hand to her head in confusion. There was something she was missing. But what could it be? It’s like it was on the tip of her tongue.

Rubbing her face, Asagao’s face then lit up with realization before quickly grabbing the large framed glasses by the counter in order to shove them back on her face.Then all at once, the familiar blurry sight reappeared like magic causing her to sigh in relief.

Ah, that was a close one.

The last thing she wanted was to ruin this with her freakish clever eyes.

Just then, she heard the doorbell ring only for Asagao to quickly hurry to the surface and throw it open with an excited gasp as she beamed. “Osu! There you are! You really came back! Ah, I’m so happy! Come in, come in, make yourself at home!”

The boy himself felt rather whiplashed by the sudden joy, his fingers reaching up to the doorframe and leaning forward with a cocky smirk in order to invade her personal space. “Ah, Asa-chan. You missed me that much? I’m flattered, really.”

He expected her to blush at the distance yet the girl only nodded her head like the answer was obvious to her. “Of course! I’ve been thinking about it all day. This is the first time someone’s actually come back when promised they would. Why wouldn’t I be happy about that?”

Her words were rather sad but it didn’t show on her face, causing Dazai’s eyes to watch her curiously. It was like she didn’t allow the reality of her words to fully register inside her brain. Was that some kind of coping mechanism or something? It certainly seemed like it.

She did that a lot, with Odasaku’s death and now with that depressing revelation.

So much so, Dazai couldn’t help but tease her about it, not knowing how to do anything else. Sure, a good person would’ve felt pity or tried to reassure her about it, but that wasn’t something that the boy was capable of.

Turning his head in fake sympathy, he mocked. “What a pitiful little thing you are, darling. I bet you were so lonely back home, what with no friends or family. My heart is bleeding for you.”

He hit her where it hurt, knowing that it would garner a reaction of some sort. Perhaps once she realized who she was letting into her home then she would rethink this entire ridiculous agreement and run away like she should’ve in the first place.

Yet Dazai was certainly surprised when Asagao replied a moment later with absolutely no annoyance or sadness. No, she only looked rather unbothered about it. “Your bet is correct! To put it plainly, everyone back home hated me. The minute I stopped masking and took off my glasses they ran for the hills!”

He then watched in stunned silence as she gave a carefree girlish giggle of unbothered misery in order to turn around from Dazai and walk back into Odaskau’s old apartment. “Now what are we standing out here for? Come on, the foods gonna get cold if we wait anymore..”

Watching her disappear into the room, the boy couldn’t help but remain quiet, feeling his fingers fall from the doorframe and down by his side. He thought for sure she’d get mad at him or cry about his little comment.

But it was just like before, she didn’t register his words, like her mind didn’t allow her to.

Damn it, she was the complete opposite of Chuuya. She wasn’t hot headed or pathetically reactive. This was new territory, something he wasn’t used to at all.

Because of that, the mafioso then frowned before forcing himself into the familiar apartment with unsure and uneasy steps. He didn’t like this, the feeling of not being in control. He needed to get it back and fast.

Yet the further he got into Odasaku’s place, he felt his heart twist with familiar pain and grief. The ghosts of the past were back, circling around him as he reluctantly sat at his usual place, his fingers touching the cold wooden table with a sigh.

It was just before, everything felt empty here.

Although that’s when the fifteen year old looked up only to find a steaming bowl of curry in front of him as his eyes couldn’t help but widen in memory, recalling Odasaku’s last words to him.

Holding on for dear life, Dazai felt his knuckles turn white as he watched his only friend, the only man who understood him slip from life. “People live to save themselves, it’s something they realize before they die, huh?”

Then the boy watched as Oda’s lips formed into a small smile as his eyes fluttered close, his voice hoarse and hauntingly final. “I could really go..for some..curry..”

Blinking back to reality, Dazai stared at the seemingly mundane dish before his fingers curled against the table with unexplainable emotion. And if the boy knew how to cry or even what that concept was, he knew he’d be sobbing at this very moment.

Luckily though, the suffocating feeling was overtaken when Asagao slid into the spot across from him before smiling happily in order to pick up her chopsticks. “I hope you don’t mind, Oda’s letters didn’t say what your favorite food was so I just picked mine. Ah, I’m so excited. I could really go for some curry right now.”

And the moment the words left her lips, Dazai’s head immediately snapped up with anxious desperation he couldn’t hide. She had just said the same thing Odasaku did, she just said his last words. Didn’t she know the weight they had?

Just hearing them again, it felt like he was here right now. It was like his best friend was telling the boy that he was still around in her eyes. It was overwhelming, the empty hole inside his heart suddenly becoming full with a feeling he thought was lost the day he died.

Asa seemed to notice his silence though, her head turning in concern. “Do you not like curry? Ah, sorry, I didn’t ask first. If you tell me what you like I can make it next time. I’m a pretty good cook, you know?”

Dazai only shook his head though, feeling the very familiar fifteen year old pathetic kid overtake him in order to whisper back a sad broken reply. “N-No…I like it…”

And thankfully, Asagao didn’t point out the uncharacteristic tone, her head only nodding in confirmation before changing the subject, something that Dazai was incredibly grateful for.

Mostly because he knew he was falling apart by the second. “Since you’re here, I thought we could talk about our agreement last night. Like go into specifics and such..”

Shoving down the unruly emotion in his throat, the boy recalled back to his statement before pushing his head up with forced interest. What was she talking about, what did she want him to do? Because whatever it was Dazai knew she was looking in the wrong place.

A loyal boyfriend, a lovesick fool, a cheesy romantic? Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen. Sure, he could fake those kinds of things but only for so long. She was so passionate about wanting him last night. What a delusional girl.

He already knew he wouldn’t be able to offer anything of value.

Turning his head in fake flirty intent, Dazai lowered his eyes sensually, hoping it would make her uncomfortable. “Specifics? Ah, Asa-chan you're so dirty. What did you have in mind?”

Asa only put her hand up in response though, stopping whatever depravity he was implying. “Now, I don’t want you to be mistaken, I know I asked you to be my boyfriend but I wouldn’t expect you to do any of that mushy touchy stuff or anything like that. I know that’s not your style anyways and I don’t wanna force you into something uncomfortable.”

At that, the boy couldn’t help but drop the act, his eyes turning in confusion. What? If she didn’t want that mushy crap then why did she even ask for all this in the first place? She said that she had fallen for him. Was that a lie?

Although that’s when Asagao shrugged her shoulders plainly. “I mean let’s be honest here, the only reason you're here is because you’re using me.”

Feeling his fingers pause on his chopsticks, Dazai paused in order to look up at her innocently in order to try to fool her. “Oh, am I?”

Asa wasn’t fooled though, the girl only humming back. “Mhmm. I’m useful to you because I’m related to Oda and if I was anyone else you wouldn’t have ever agreed.”

Then all at once, Dazai felt his stomach drop in guilt for his own black soul.

Shit, she had read him. She had seen through his real intentions so quickly. Well of course she did, Odasaku did say that her world spun as fast as his. But then that begged the question, if Asagao knew about his cruel intent, why was she still humoring him?

He received his answer a moment later, watching as Asagao simply placed her chopsticks down in order to turn her eyes back at him with cruel and calculating vigor.

“Ah, don’t worry about it. If you must know, I’m using you also, Osamu.”

And even though her eyes were blocked by the large rimmed glasses on her face, Dazai already knew what kind of expression was underneath. She was looking at him just like last night back in that alley. He remembered it in an instant.

That cruel hollow look she showed him before, it was the same now. He knew it was.

It was like she was eying some kind of prey, and unlucky for him Dazai seemed to be the one on the menu today. So they both had plans to use each other? That was her play? How interesting.

Allowing her to continue, Asagao then lifted her hands up before speaking with precise precision. “We both want what each other can offer. We both are searching for my brother in different ways and think we can find it in each other. That’s why I suggested our partnership in the first place. Because it would be mutually beneficial.”

Twisting her lips into a sly calculating smirk, Asagao then placed her fingers underneath her chin in order to lean forward and finish. “Besides, once I found out how connected you two were, I knew I wasn’t going to let you go. I’m sure it’s the same for you, right, Osu?”

And it was, it was the exact same, so much so that he didn’t want to admit it. Odasaku was right, they did have the same minds. They both saw each other as chess pieces on a board and collected each other for their own personal games.

They both had plans to use each other in order to will Oda Sakunosuke back to life.

So much so, Dazai felt his entire tone shift, allowing the demon prodigy to overtake the conversation and his eyes to darken with sickening glee. “Ah, you got me Asa-chan. Nothing gets past you, does it? What do you suggest then? What can you offer to me?”

Asagao didn’t seem to mind though, her entire demeanor calm even though she was making a deal with the devil. “You come over every once in a while and tell me stories about my brother and in exchange I’ll show you a letter in return for each one. That way we both keep him in our lives.”

Waving her hand away, the calculating aura then dissipated slightly in order to smile sweetly in the direction of his hollow empty eyes. “And once I stop becoming useful to you then you are free to throw me away and move on. Although, I do ask that when you decide to do so, you don’t tell me. I absolutely despise endings. I like to live more in the moment then think about the horrors of the future.”

Her offer was tempting to say the least, with it he would be able to use the girl as he pleased for his own desire while she did the same. He wouldn’t have to change his underhanded and manipulative ways because Asagao would be fully aware of what he was trying to do.

It seemed perfect, too perfect actually. Was Odasaku’s sister really okay with them using each other and then throwing them away when the time was up? Sure, he would be able to do it no problem but Dazai wasn’t sure about her.

What if in doing so he managed to crush her accidentally? He didn’t trust himself not to. Not at all. Hell, Dazai knew the damage he could do if left to his own devices.

Pushing his hand underneath his chin in silent thought, the boy’s lethally dangerous gaze then followed her as he made his way around the table and into her space.“And what if I shatter your poor little heart in the process? Like I said, I’m not a good man, sweetheart. I know you said you’d be fine with me breaking you, but have you really thought about what that really means?”

Yet try as he may, Asagao was not shaken, her shoulders simply shrugging to his very obvious threat in order to turn and meet him halfway. “If you’re trying to scare me it’s not going to work.”

The boy only hummed though, his fingers reaching forward in order to trail a calculating line across her cheek. “Isn’t it? What if I told you that your big brother wouldn’t approve of you hanging around me so much?”

And for a moment, Asagao froze, but it wasn’t because of his touch, her eyes moving down before answering back less confident than before. “.. I don’t believe that. My brother wouldn’t have written about you so much if he didn’t want me to know about you.”

She believed that with her whole heart, knowing that Oda’s letters held so much love and care for the fifteen year old boy. If her brother didn’t want her to find Osu then he wouldn’t have ever said anything.

He must have known how much it meant to her, to have someone to relate to after so many years. Of course she’d never actually know though, considering Asa never had the opportunity to ask him. Everything was just an assumption, but this was one assumption she was actually confident about.

Dazai didn’t seem to think so though, Ango’s poisonous warnings still fresh in his ears.

“You asked why Oda never mentioned her to you. It’s because destruction and corruption follows you everywhere, Dazai. He knew how black your soul is and what you could do to her if given the chance. The demon prodigy has no place out of the darkness, and I'm sure you know that also.”

He knew his best friend more than anyone, even more than her. Of course he didn’t want Dazai near her. If he did then he would’ve told him about her years ago. And here he was, dishonoring his memory because he was too god damn selfish to live in a world without him.

So much so, he urged for her to understand how wrong she was.

Trailing his fingers down, Dazai then darkened before latching his thumb and forefingers onto her chin in order to force her head towards his with a rough display. He felt the tips of his nails dig into her pretty pink cheeks in order to dip his head down until they were mere inches apart.

Then all at once, the port mafia executive allowed every bit of evil to show in his eyes before speaking cruelly across the space just above her lips with a cruel hovering smile. “Yes, but hearing about me and actually being here are two completely different things, darling. I’m sure Odasaku didn’t expect you to be near so much danger so willingly, so eager to give yourself to the darkness.”

He left her there in the madness, in that helpless controlless position, waiting for her to break away or cry for his rough movements. No, she needed to walk away, she needed to go because he wasn't going to. He didn’t have the strength to do something so kind.

Feeling his fingers dig further into her flesh with unsaid desperation, Asagao’s lips then began to move between the space underneath his, her breath coating the distance as she spoke. “You don’t have to do this, Osamu. I already understand. I understand that you don’t want to lose the last piece of my big brother you have left. You’re scared, scared that you’ll be left with nothing again..”

Dazai's eyes then flashed with anxiety before pulling away only slightly in order to see Asagao’s warm reassuring smile. “Have some faith in me, Osu. I’m not as fragile as you might think.”

Feeling his heart twist and turn in every single unpleasant direction, his fingers started to turn numb between her skin. She already knew what he was trying to do, she knew he was giving her a way out and still wasn’t taking it.

That’s when Dazai felt his entire body tense as he felt her fingers reach forwards in order to cover his hand with her own before closing her eyes in equal emotion to what he was feeling.

And when she spoke, it was so sincere and honest, shaking him to his entire core. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

Almost immediately, he felt his fingers snap back from hers, not liking the close contact before he leaned away with wide eyes. What was she saying?

Touching someone else was child’s play for him but he never liked it when someone did it back. It was too vulnerable, too exposed. And it was the same here, the boy trying his best not to show the pure panic on his face.

What she just said, she didn’t mean it anyways. She couldn't have. Everyone always disappeared from him, everything eventually slipped through his fingers. How dare she make such a ridiculous promise. How dare she give him hope that it will be different this time.

It wasn’t different with Odasaku and it won’t be different with his precious little sister.

Because of that, Dazai’s voice couldn’t help but come out bitter, knowing better than anyone how unfair the world was to him. “You don't know that.”

Asa then paused before putting a finger to her lips in silent thought before answering back with a nod of understanding. “Well no, I guess I don’t. I can’t predict the future or anything. But why do we gotta think that far ahead? Why can’t we just enjoy the time we have right now?”

Oda’s sister then closed her eyes before thinking about the meaning of her own words. Perhaps Osamu was right, perhaps things would turn out bad for them in the end. But if that was the price she had to pay to finally get closer to her brother, she knew she would gladly take it tenfold.

Besides, if there was a possibility of things ending horribly then that meant there was also a possibility that things could do the opposite. And whether it was foolish or not, Asagao chose to focus on the impossible odds that this could work out okay.

Then she opened her eyes before smiling softly. “For today, all you have to worry about is being yourself and I’ll do the same. It’s as simple as that.”

Picking up her chopsticks once more, Asagao then beamed before purposely changing the subject before he could disagree with her positive statement. “Now go on, tell me a story about my brother. I’m dying to hear one!”

But for Dazai, the boy felt his fingers curve into his bandaged arms with an emotion he didn’t know he possessed. He thought that Oda’s sister would’ve been disappointed by him and maybe that would be true in the future but today it seemed that wasn’t the case.

And that was enough to make him strangely happy, feeding into the delusion automatically in order to look down at the curry on the table. “Well, one night we were talking and Odasaku thought I mentioned curry so I told him that we should cook one night and make one all together..”

He then watched as Asagao leaned further into the table, absolutely entranced by his every word like it was her life support. “Oooh what kind were you going to make?”

Feeling his lights start to light up with memory, Dazai recalled the conversation with ease. “Well at first I suggested that we all bring something and put it in a pot, but then I got the idea to make my world famous special superhuman stamina hot pot! It’s made with leftovers from my last superhuman hot pot that I accidentally burned mixed with vinegar and tabasco that’s wrapped and concealed with kindness and love!”

The boy then chuckled to himself as Asagao gasped in pure awe. “Wow, that’s a lot of ingredients!”

Nodding back happily, Dazai beamed. “I know, right?! But out of all the ingredients love is the most important part. You can’t forget that!”

The girl then pushed another bit of curry into her mouth before swallowing with an excited reply. “Wait, what did my brother and Ango say about it though?”

Pushing his hands on the table, the boy let another chuckle escape his lips, remembering the conversation clear as day. “Ango said that it wouldn’t be good but when he asked Odaskau he said..”

Asa then watched as his words gave out completely, his eyes softening in order to slump down back into his seat with a sad grief filled smile as she pleaded back. “What did he say?”

The air was solemn, coursing through both of them immediately before Dazai spoke again, except this time it was far quieter than before. “He said… Why wouldn’t it be good? Dazai said so ..”

His face showed with so much admiration and unexplainable sadness that it caused Asagao to soften as well before smiling at the bond the two shared that she would never understand. “It sounds like Oda knew a good hot pot when he heard it.”

Then all at once, she watches the fifteen year old boy’s face light up with pure joy at Odasaku sister’s words, that small giddy excitement coming back tenfold. “He did!! I mean why wouldn’t it be good?! It’s eye-meltingly, cheek popping-ly good! So Odasaku promised me that he would try it! Ango looked like he wanted to die though! It was so funny..and then..”

And as he spoke stories of his old friend, he couldn't help but soak in Asagao’s responses, her eyes never leaving him even for a moment as he spoke about Odasaku so honestly for the first time since his death.

She reveled in it just as much as he did, hanging on every word like they were the only things that mattered to each other. And they were, Odasaku’s memory was the most precious thing either one had.

So much so, Dazai couldn’t help but feel his shoulder relax for the first time in weeks. Feeling that same calm, comfortable peace he did whether he was at Bar Lupin.

And for a couple delusional moments, Oda somehow felt alive again.

#bsd dark era #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai osamu #fanfic #bsd chuuya #bsd odasaku #dazai x odasaku!sister #oda sakunosuke #odasaku sakunosuke #bungo stray dogs odasaku #oda sakura #pm dazai #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #dazai x fem reader #dazai angst

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chaostudee · 2 years

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all i want - r.c

pairing : rafe cameron x female reader summary : rafe messes up leaving your relationship in pieces, now all he wants is forgiveness and to call you his once again. warnings : angst , swearing. words : 3.5k extras : not proofread, lowercase intended. a/n : i love him so much he's just so....ugh, also tysm for all the love on my last post..... anyways enjoy x

rafe cameron had always been your destiny. from the moment that you were introduced you knew that you wouldn't stop until you made that boy yours. it seemed it wouldn't be too difficult since he craved the same intentions. he desired you.

at first sarah tried to persuade you in diverting your longing for the eldest cameron yet her words just increased your pining. even though she outlined his excessive drug usage and his fuck-boy reputation, you wanted more to relieve him of these problems. you could give him the love that he truly deserved though that he never received.

displeased with the lack of response to the extensive repelling of her brother sarah tried to prevent the the two of you from encountering yet failed once again in that regard.

it was new years eve that changed everything for the better and gave sarah a new perspective into the undesired need for her meddling. truthfully speaking she was not wholly against the two of you, rather just the risk of losing you to a boy.

new years eve at the camerons was a tradition that involved the residents of figure 8 gathering to drink and to talk about business and whatnot, awaiting for the ball to drop.

you dreaded the day every year but were glad to have sarah accompany you though it seemed that this year would outshine the rest.

the table held about approximately twenty persons with the allowance of mere inches between each spacing. you had chosen your usual seating, beside sarah.

"don't be mad" sarah whispers adjusting the napkin on her lap as you are all awaiting the meal "i'm leaving after this". looking up from her lap she tucks a strand of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear sending an apologetic look. she hated this yearly meeting just as much as you so it seemed that allowing herself leave would be a reward.

"where are you going?" you ask using the same level of volume in your speech, your hand secure under the brim of the glass. it not so much that it angered you that sarah was leaving to your lonesome but the fact that she hadn't given a reasoning.

as of late she had been distant, disappearing and apparently too occupied with her own self pleasure than to be in vicinty of yours truly.

"um...." she hesitates as her cheeks turn scarlet. she was definitely hiding something. "she's going to see john b" wheezie says, from the other seat beside you not even looking up from the screen of her phone.

you gasp and turn to look at sarah, clearly not denying wheezie's words, instead taking a sip from her glass and trailing her eyes elsewhere as though she hadn't just been called out. "seriously?" you pause as you try to process it, "john b, really?". john b was known to most on kildare island and he was not seen in a positive view even so you were glad that your friend had found someone.

sarah rolls her eyes but a smile is now etched upon her rosy lips. you shake your head in disbelief, that she could keep something like this from something this life altering.

"wait are you guys like together?" you ask her suddenly becoming quite interested in the position of her relationship with john b.

"sarah has a boyfriend?". the voice you hear sounds strangely familiar and you look to your left only to find rafe standing behind wheezie's chair. he has his hands placed on the back of the chair, his rings sparkling in the chandelier glow, he never did seem to go anywhere without them in his possession, you had noticed this from observation.

"topper is going to be so pissed" rafe chuckles to himself as she runs the palm of the hand over his face. although the two had ended their relationship topper couldn't come to the realization that it was over.

rafe is wearing a suit, something that you rarely see him wear, he's not a fan of fancy attire nor are you, at least you have that in common with one another.

tonight you and sarah had decided to coordinate your outfits, both of you had decided to wear navy. she wearing a flowy frock beaded with pearls, you wore something similar though your dress was very tight fitting a dislikeable feature. sarah had insisted that you wear the dress saying that "sometimes you have to suffer for your beauty". her motto.

now noticing your presence rafe sends you a small smile before releasing his grip from the chair and heading off to where topper and kelce were calling him over. they too were wearing some fancy ass clothing. there was something funny about that.

as rafe walked away it was hard for you to keep your eyes off him, though you rarely talked and sarah strongely forbade it you held a strange attraction towards the eldest cameron.

"girl-". sarah gives you a kick from under the table due to her extensive staring. "stay focused" she warns with a stern glare but you can tell that she is just messing with you and she then just chuckles to herself as your eyes drift back to him.

...

it wasn't long before the meal had been served and then devoured by the guests in the matter of a half an hour. sarah had decided to stick around for the meal but it now seemed that she would be making her disappearance after. great.

"i hate you" you tell her, rolling your eyes and folding your arms across your chest. you didn't really mean it but she knew that.

the two of you are stood in the echoey hallway, sarah with her heels in hand. it was her desire to leave unnoticed and hopefully unheard.

"love you too babes" she says as she once again checks her phone. john b had apparently informed her that he would contact her when he arrived.

her head lifts upwards once she sees flashing lights from outside, torch lights. it seemed that john b wanted to be secretive in his arrival.

sarah turns back to you, reaching out for the handle. "be safe" you blurt out causing her to hesitate. "i always-". once she realizes that you were referencing a whole other topic she scoffed to herself, giving you a soldiers salute before slipping out the door. unnoticed and unheard.

"where is she going?". you shut your eyes shut thinking that it would provide you invisibility. super powers would be very convenient at that moment in time.

slowly turning on your heel, rafe stands in front of you, alone. "um she had a um thing" you tell him hoping that he wouldn't notice your inability to lie successfully. it wasn't just the fact that the truth was weighed on your shoulders but also that here you were with rafe cameron. alone, unsupervised meaning that you were the one who was going to be responsible for any wrongdoing.

he raises his eyebrows clearly not buying this lie, you couldn't blame him. "um where is kelce and topper?" you ask him wanting to not just discuss the matter of sarah's whereabouts though the topic didn't stray far from such.

rafe looks at you for a moment, not just meeting your eye line but in the way he would look at a girl that well....you know. to avoid him noticing the heating of your cheeks you turn to look downwards, pretending to examine the contents of your handbag.

"i don't know i guess they're around here somewhere hooking up". rafe shrugs as if its no big deal. this must be his tradition. having said that it seemed that he had decided to not partake this year since he was here conversing with you.

you nod. awkward silence. "um i think i'm going to go...". you point to the other exit down the opposite hallway. he nods alike you had earlier, not objective to this at it was clear there was not much else to discuss.

whilst walking past him, your shoulder skims off his due to his departure at the same time, this allows your purse to slip from your grip, tumbling to the floor.

"shit sorry" you mumble, bending downwards to pick it up. he too had decided to do the same, the gentlemanly decision. in saying this being that close to him, his hand practically a centimetre away from your own your heart clenched.

you meet his eye line, his hand placed on your purse, your hand stuck there also, unable to move. his eyes meet yours before skimming down to your lips then back up to your eyes.

your heart began to pound in your chest, louder than earlier. a heat hung in the air and you wondered if he felt it too as you both crouched in the hallway of the cameron household. you both seemed content with your presence with one another.

it all happened so quickly before he pressed his lips against yours. "fuck it" he whispered as he smashed his lips against your own nearly knocking you over in the process. the kiss displayed everything you felt for him, passion and most importantly, longing. one thing led to another and you ended spending the night with him.

as you lay beside the sleeping boy with the sheet tugged tightly around your body you pick up your phone from the nightstand. tapping into sarah's contact name you smile to yourself as you compose your text to her. "so some shit happened ;)". at that was it that was how you came to fall in love with rafe cameron. though in the beginning it seemed like a fever dream it wasn't long until sarah's assumptions proved his toxicity.

...

you sigh to yourself as you look up at the clock framed on the wall. half past eight. you had said seven and he had agreed. he had promised. promised to buy your flowers, promised to make it up to you but here you are sitting alone at a table whilst the waiter sends you apologetic looks.

once again he had broken his promise. once again he had stood you up. once again he had taken advantage of your second chances.

it is clear that you have been stood up by the glances and the whispering directed towards you. lately things with rafe have been precisely what sarah had predicted but there was no way that you could discuss this would her. you would not let her have the satisfaction in knowing that she was right.

another sigh escapes your lips, an exasperated one as you turn to the entrance because maybe there is a partial hope into his arrival. not only had he been disloyal as of late but also distant. it was rare that you even spoke.

picking up your purse from the table and dropping a twenty on the table for allowing you to stay you try to eliminate the stares as you make your way out the door.

for the outer banks it was a chilly night and without the usual comfort of rafe's coat around your shoulders you felt bare. maybe it was the fact that you felt that your relationship was over or maybe it was that the car was parked miles away or maybe it was because of the cold but a tear trailed down your cheek as you paced down the pavement.

almost immediately you wipe it from your cheek, finding it pathetic to even be crying on the street anyways. the street is quiet as is the road so once again when you feel the tears coming you just let them fall. even though this may be over a stupid boy you feel a reasoning to cry over him because he's your stupid boy.

a sound of a car approaching can be heard in the far off distance which deters you from walking this great distance any further. you wipe a few stray tears from your secret which you can guarantee has smudged your mascara also.

the car can no longer be heard so you rotate your view only to find a familiar face running towards you, jacket undone, tie loose. you catch his eye for a moment before disregarding him and carrying on.

"y/n" he calls out yet you just ignore him although there are a million things that you want to say to him but not here, not like this. "y/n" he says now coming to rest beside you giving you no other choice but to stop. he is out of breath now and raises his finger in the air to give him one minute. you scoff to yourself when you had in fact already given him plenty of time previously.

"i'm sorry" he says once he has regathered himself. noticing the mascara that had been ruined by your tears he looks crest fallen when he realizes that it is all his doing. "im sorry" he repeats, softer now.

"we're over rafe". you say it, you say exactly what had been nagging at you for weeks something that you had hoped would give you peace but after the words leave your mouth you regret them.

his face falls and then darkens. "what?" he pauses and when there is no response he laughs "you're leaving me? really? just when things are getting tough you decide to leave. you know what i kind of expected this i don't know why i'm even surprised. who would want a boyfriend who ditches her just to drown himself in alochol and get high and shit, i mean i don't blame you".

your throat closes up, your mouth dry. this is the first time that he had been real with you in months but now at an untimely moment. "you're drinking again?" you ask, your voice stern as you lock eyes with his. his eyes are filled with fury and rage as he looks at you. "as if you care" he mutters before taking a step back from you and turning on his heel.

"oh so now you're leaving me?!" you say as you feel tears brimming in your eyes. he stops for a second to turn to face you, his hands are in his pockets, his tie flying in the wind. "i guess i am". he allows himself a moment to take you all in before walking off before leaving you all alone on the street.

you force yourself to shove down all your emotions, until you reach the car at least and once you spot its red hue you feel a wave of relief. slipping into the drivers seat and resting your head on the head rest allows you to take a breather. your phone sticks visibly out of your bag and you bite down on your lip wondering if you should just give in. its not long before you dial the number. "hey....i need you".

...

"babes he doesn't deserve you" sarah says whilst stroking your hair soothingly. once you had explained what happened she told you that she would meet you back at your house and you could talk. so you talked.

"please don't say i told you so" you begged her not to say those words, she just nodded and continued to allow you to cry in her arms which brings us up to this point in time.

"but he needs me" you tell her, remembering what he had said earlier sent a punch through your heart so you cowered in the crook of sarah's arms. she hated seeing you and even though she would never defend her brother in any scenario she madly wanted the two of you to receive a happy ending.

"girl you need to stop thinking about it, about him, lemme get you some ice-cream. okay?". sarah slowly releases you from her grip and hands you a pillow to rest your head. you smile at her gratefully for both offers. heading out to the kitchen sarah smirks to herself as she pulls the tub of ice-cream out from the freezer.

she knew right well that you disliked her meddling but to her it deemed necessary in this scenario. this scenario only. sarah picks up the phone and dials but she needn't have done so since the person she wanted to contact was the one stood on the other side of the door.

the doorbell rings. unusual at this time of the night and usually you never had much callers, besides rafe. although you were pleased with your position on the couch you discarded that to ease your curiosity on whom may be awaiting outside.

when rafe was found stood on the doorstep, a bouquet of roses in hand you were completely lost for words but you were glad that he spoke first, this time he didn't begin with an apology. "can i come in?"he asks softly looking up at you with pleading eyes. those fucking eyes.

you linger for a moment trying to decide on what to do but you know right well that either way you will give in. you nod pulling the door open fully, he knows where to go so you allow him to make himself comfortable as you shut the door. honestly you were shocked at his arrival but not truly pleased.

"oh hey...what are you doing here?". sarah comes into the kitchen holding the ice-cream she promised and two spoons. sarah looks between you and rafe and then back to rafe.

"i was just getting to that" rafe says whilst rubbing the back of his kneck, "could you you um...leave us?". sarah gives you a look to inquire on your feelings on this. you nod at her and she takes this as acceptance enough, retreating back to the kitchen.

"lets sit" you instruct him, pointing the couch that had been sodden with your tears only minutes earlier. you were trying to control your anger and trying to prevent further destruction between the two of you.

placing the flowers upon the coffee table rafe stays silent for a moment before beginning to rub his hands into his jeans. he did this often when he was nervous or stressed.

"okay, i've got a lot to say, a lot to account for and a lot to apologize so can you please just let me get true this before you say anything?"

"sure"

he nods and sucks in the corner of his cheek. "what i did was wrong, no unacceptable. no one should ever be treated the way i've been treating you...and i know there is no way that i can make it up to you and i know that you are no longer mine. i know that, i know all of it. i was tempted not to come here tonight but i knew i couldn't end it like that. even though there is little chance of you taking me back part of me hoped that you would take me back. part me knows that it is wrong of me to expect anything from you because you've given me everything. in the past few months i never thought somebody could ever mean this much to me and even accept me for the person i am. you have stood by me and the truth is during all the time that we've been apart i turn to alcohol and drugs but with you i needn't do that. you're enough, you're enough for me. even if you can never forgive me i utterly understand but please at least understand where i'm coming from."

you shake your head whilst biting down on your lip. this boy knows what he's doing. "i forgive you" you chuckle as you rub your nose in the back of your sleeve.

"what?" rafe says his eyes widened in disbelief. "well with a speech like that how could i not?" you say with a shrug. rafe laughs although you can clearly see the tears in his eyes as he runs his hand through his hair.

"so um...do you think..." he hesitates as he looks pleading but you know exactly what he is implying. your answer is not so simple. forgiving was easy but the process would be long, he would have to repent to his wrongdoings and by the looks of it he seemed willing.

"come here". you pull him closer to allow yourself to set his lips on yours. this kiss brought you back to first time that you allowed yourself to accept the fact that you were in love with him. now, still true. "yes" you pull away "i take you back".

he smiles as your foreheads touch one another his arms held around your waist and you wanted nothing more than for him to never let him go.

"so when's the wedding?". sarah stands against the frame of the doorway spooning a mouthful of ice-cream into her mouth.

"where you here the whole time...?" rafe asks pulling his head away from yours though still holding you securely in his posession.

"well, i mean most of it. damn rafe i didn't know you were such a softie. and y/n such a pushover". you laugh and so does he. nothing could make you happier than this moment for you now knew you would marry this man.

sarah saw the look of your face as you admired rafe and knew exactly what you were thinking. her best-friend and brother, what more could she ask for?

#outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron #angst with a happy ending #obx #fluffy ending #rafe #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x you #rafe x reader #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron fanfiction #reblog pls

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bucky-h0e · 2 months

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A/N: I can now properly schedule! I wanted every universe to be started at least so I could see which ones would be more appealing and which ones I can place on the back burner a little. Very pleased that this Universe and the Serendipity Universe are doing so well! Please continue to show your support form them! I love Bucky and Alpine so much and I can't wait for their stories to be told!

Warnings: Bucky Barnes Recovering in Budapest, domestic Bucky, Bucky teaching Alpine to read and write, Bucky adopting Alpine, mentions of past abuse, fears of the Winter Soldier returning, Alpine being like 12 and knowing how to hurt a man, Alpine being jealous of the Winter Soldier? (not for murderous reasons), Bucky's nightmares

You Feel Like Home | Universe Masterlist

Bucky and Alpine Settling Into Their New Life

surprisingly, Bucky settles into a routine with Alpine quite quickly

fatherhood agrees with him apparently

of course he doesn't realise it, he just assumes it's due to his ability to improvise and accommodate sudden changes

a condition that had been programmed into him

after all he had missions to complete

when it came to Alpine and their new routine however, he had to create a few new rules for them

since he broke two of his first set of rules by letting Alpine into his place that first night

no regrets from the assassin though

the first rule was that on a night time, she HAD to sleep separate from him

she wasn't too sure of the reasoning and had frowned up at him when he told her this rule

she just found someone she found comfort in and was feeling a little clingy

she's a neglected child - she'd never felt that feeling before and craved more of it like the sweet little angel baby she is

"But... why? Did I do something wrong Bucky? I'm sorry..."

"No, no. You didn't so anything wrong, Alpine. It's just... you remember what I told you? About me?"

now, Bucky had been very clear with Alpine about his situation - kind off

he told her what he though she'd understand, that both the good guys (police, Captain America, etc.) and the bad guys (HYDRA, literally every underground criminal boss and politician, etc) were are him

when she'd asked why

he'd told her that he had someone else in his mind, someone who would take over sometimes and be very mean and hurtful to anyone who he needed to

Bucky is trying his absolute hardest not to further traumatise the child okay

the image of a mean man possibly shouting at her seemed a lot better than a monster with his face who wouldn't think twice about hurting her

"That a lot of men were after you?"

"That and the other thing..."

Alpine frowns, she'd hated the fact that Bucky said someone else had been in his mind

not only did it not sound fun

but it meant she'd have to SHARE Bucky

and she didn't want to share him

"About the really mean man in your mind?"

"Exactly. Well, if he comes out, which he shouldn't, but just in case, then I need you to be in a different room from him at all times. Okay? Especially when you're sleeping."

where she'd be most vulnerable to the Soldier

he'd take her out and she wouldn't even been able to defend herself

this was a nightmare that had plagued Bucky the first few nights of Alpine staying with him

each time it happened, he'd gone into her room and perched himself on the edge of the mattress

he just needed to make sure she was safe

he'd watch her breathe for a few minutes before he finally felt comfortable enough that she was safe before returning to the couch for another restless night

"And besides, having your own room means that you get privacy."

"Privacy?"

"Yeah! Time to yourself, where you can just be on your own."

Alpine despises that idea

"But... I'm always on my own..."

fucking critical damage to Bucky's heart

deadass

he had sighed and kneeled down to be at her height as he often does, not wanting to scare her

"How about this, the only time you have to be on your own, is when you go to bed at the end of the day. You'll be asleep anyway and it'll go by so quick you won't even have time to miss me."

"What if I can't sleep?"

"Then you can stay up with me until you feel sleepy. But you have to sleep in your room. Deal?"

she had reluctantly agreed to this rule, but that didn't mean she didn't try to get her own way sometimes

she'd fall asleep on the couch, claiming not to be tired, only to wake up in her room and Bucky greets her the next morning with a 'nice try kid'

the second rule, was that she didn't have to do anything but be a kid

literally anything

no cleaning (on her own - she likes to help Bucky)

no shopping on her own

no going downstairs just to collect the mail (not that Bucky ever got any mail, he just wanted her to stop going down the stairs without him)

when alpine found out about Bucky not getting any mail, she was sad for him

that was the only form of communication she knew

and she actually got very excited when she saw mail in their letterbox back in her old home even if it wasn't for her

so, she started drawing Bucky pictures and she'd put some of them in the mail box so he'd have something

he didn't realise until he saw the paper sticking out of the lock box and had to dig out the key just to find an actual mountain of drawings and pages from the colouring books he'd half stolen half bought for her

he'd looked through them all that night and put his favourites into his journal, letting Alpine 'decorate' with the rest

he checks the mail everyday and finds new drawings - he's starting to wonder where he'd going to put them all

but altogether, he just want's Alpine to be a kid

she deserves that at least

the third rule, she'd have to start doing a bit of home schooling

with her illness, which was still undiagnosed and bothering Bucky to no end because at the very least he knew it affected her breathing, they couldn't keep going out everyday

it didn't help that he was on the run either, so when they did go out, he wanted to be quick

which was not possible when you've got a 12 year old who had a coughing fit every 10 minutes because they were breathing too hard

most of the time Bucky carried her on his back if they were in a real rush, other times he didn't mind waiting until she stopped

always has a bottle of water and an inhaler in his bag for her

and some snacks (usually plums)

and plasters designed with the avengers because she liked them (she asks for Thor always without fail)

and a hair brush because ever since they managed to get her hair under control, Bucky refuses to let it fall back into disarray - will always pull her aside to brush and tie it up when they're actually out and about and it becomes suddenly very windy

he's just super prepared for her and does it without really thinking

fucking cutie

the fourth and final rule he had set, was she had to follow an 'escape plan'

of course, she didn't know what it was

but he prepared her for a situation where she would no longer be safe in their home

or for a situation where they needed to leave Budapest quickly

or the exact same situation as above but with a little more fighting with the authorities and Captain America (thanks zemo)

in the first situation, she was to lock herself in her room - buy herself more time since he'd have to break down the door which he had reinforced with locks and thicker, stronger wood all of which were stolen or obtained through less than legal means

when he inevitably broke through, she'd blind him with pepper spray (stolen) or wound him with one of the knifes he'd stashed in her room (he'd been very hesitant to put it in there but his need to keep her safe outweighed the need to be a logical father) before pulling the fire alarm, running and contacting the American authorities and telling them that the 'Winter Soldier was active'

she had to say those exact words because otherwise the Avengers would not come

he could only hope that whoever got a hold of him didn't make her his mission, and that she would be able to get away from him unharmed

in the second instance, Bucky had spent months preparing three emergency kits for the two of them - one for him and two for her. if they had to leave Budapest suddenly, then they would grab the two kits hidden within the apartment and run.

They'd find (steal) transport along the way and make their way out of the country and into several more before making their home somewhere else

the third instance involved the same premise, except the two would separate - Bucky would go back to the apartment, grab the kit made for him and anything else they would need whilst Alpine headed for a different spot for the third bag that Bucky had hidden away from the apartment and away from any fighting that may occur. They would then meet at the edge of the city where they'd call out their little codeword 'pruna' (plum in Romanian because Alpine fucking loves plums) and continue with the plan.

What Bucky didn't tell Alpine, however, was that if the people on their tail were a bit more dangerous than the regular authorities (for example, HYDRA), then he would contact American authorities, hopefully before HYDRA got to him, and tell them to send Captain America to Alpine's location, where she would hopefully be picked up and cared for

a lot of it was hoping that Steve would not send Alpine back to live with her parents

but he had hope that Alpine wouldn't shy away from telling him that Bucky had basically adopted her and Steve would immediately take her in himself because that man had quite literally refused to fight him and nearly died because of it

but he was hoping that day would never come (again, thanks zemo)

so far, they had been able to follow the four rules perfectly

Alpine still struggled to be a kid sometimes because she had so much responsibility on her shoulders for keeping herself and her parents alive

she just didn't know how to be a child

but that was okay because Bucky was slowly teaching her what was her responsibility and what was his

like dinner

honestly, Bucky thought he'd struggle when it came to meals and looking after Alpine

he survived on breakfast bars and fruit

barely had any real food, it was a miracle he had any rice or pasta let alone a sauce, seasoning or even veg and meat to go with it

he was living off limited funds

why do you think most of the stuff he and Alpine owned was stolen?

but after taking Alpine in, he made sure to get proper meals and tried even harder to make sure they weren't cheap microwave meals despite how desperately low they were for funds

but he never let's her start the morning without a breakfast and never let's her go to bed without a dinner

because she never really got a lot of food in the first place, her stomach wasn't used to a lot of food, which Bucky took full advantage of

if they had a big breakfast, they'd have a small dinner. A small breakfast then they'd make up for it with dinner

a lot of the times, breakfast was already on the table when Alpine woke up and she'd wonder out, half awake and muttering a greeting to Bucky before she's sitting at their table and falling asleep in her bowl of cereal

on one occasion did Alpine actually make them breakfast and Bucky pretended to be asleep on the couch so that she could surprise him

she had tried so hard to be quiet but the plates were up high and the fridge door was heavy so needed a good hard pull most times to open it, which would make everything else on top rattle

he'd opened one eye to make sure nothing had fallen on her before returning to his fact slumber

let her wake him up and acted surprised at the food in front of him

"Aw, thanks sweetheart. You didn't have to."

he'd make a big show out of eating the nearly raw egg and burnt toast and enjoying it

when it came to dinner, Bucky always cooked it

always

but Alpine would help out

he'd used it as a way to train her to use a knife without actually teaching her how to

taught her how to cute up veg and meats, showed her how easy a sharp knife glides through whilst the dull knifes are basically useless

let's her stir the pots on the stove but is very careful she doesn't get burnt

he'll get her to set the table whilst he's dishing up their plates (hers often slightly bigger)

eats her left overs when he's absolutely sure she doesn't want it

they don't eat lunch often

but they'll always snack on fruits throughout the day

honestly, Alpine lived on junk, stolen goods and poorly cooked food in her old home

with Bucky not only was she treated like a princess but she also lives on fresh fruits from the market which she no longer had to steal

but that didn't mean she didn't pick up on a few tricks

our girl is a little pickpocket and a damn good one now thanks to Bucky

not his proudest dad moment

but a proud moment as a mentor nonetheless

especially when she managed to steal enough cash for their shopping for a month

"Look at it!"

"Holy shi- Good job kid! Should send you in more often, huh?"

"You should? Are you missing your keys Bucky?"

"What no- Hey!"

honestly, she steals from him the most just because she finds it funny

mostly his door key, she likes making him look for it for a couple of minutes before telling him

little mischief maker (Bucky occasionally, affectionately calls her 'Bucluc' - Romanian for trouble/mischief)

whilst he'd pretty proud of her skills as a thief, he's actually most proud of her health

she's glowing now that she's actually being taken care of

but his proudest achievement is her hair

after years of matting, dirt, grime and grease in her hair, a few weeks of hard work and a lot

A LOT

of conditioning later

her hair was silky smooth

long and healthy if not without it's split ends

he's so proud of his efforts

honestly, her face when he'd detangled the last knot and washed and dried her hair

she was smiling so damn hard

playing with her hair

learning how to braid it (Bucky taught her)

tying it up in all sorts of ways

honestly, she's never been able to do anything with her hair and both of them are surprised by how long it actually was

Bucky makes a habit out of brushing her hair every night

it's oddly soothing for him and it becomes apart of their night time routine

Bucky will do his usual checks of the windows, making sure there no preventable surprises waiting for them before sending Alpine to get ready for bed

she'll get changed into pj's (kindly donated by the new tenant a few floors down after Alpine told her 'daddy's too poor to get her a new set')

brush her teeth

climb into bed

or if Bucky and her had been play fighting before hand (it had taken a few months but eventually they became really comfortable with each other's touch and Alpine had initiated their first 'fight' by climbing on top of the fridge and jumping on him)

man had a fucking heart attack

he'll 'throw' her on the bed and do a 'finishing move' on her before he's grinning and telling her to go to sleep

"I won sweetheart, you'll get me next time I'm sure."

"nu-uh! I let you win!"

he swears a few months ago this kid was somewhat normal and now she's climbing onto furniture to try and choke him out

never uses a lot of force and will always stop when her breathing starts getting a bit ragged much to her dismay

but he always get's her to sit and he brushes through her hair at the end of the day, braiding it before bed so that it doesn't get too knotted when she sleeps

he'll tell her stories of his childhood

the ones he can remember

and she loves them, normally falls asleep to them

then he'll wish her sweet dreams before going to relax before his own bed time

this is normally when he'll write in his journal, think about his past, wonder if he ever had a family

normal depressive Bucky Barnes stuff to be honest

speaking of

man was distraught when he had to trim Alpine's hair

the same neighbour Alpine had tricked into getting her clothes had once caught Bucky and Alpine on their way back up the stairs from a trip to the market

to give them more clothes for Alpine, which Bucky had accepted, playing the part of grateful father who promised to pay her back

which she refused as a lot of them were hand-me-downs from her own kids

her and Bucky had been talking about Alpine's hair, because he LOVES talking about it

"A lot of hard work went into this, her mother wasn't very good at keeping on top of it."

"Ah, you and you're wife separate?"

"Yeah, she took everything but luckily I got Alpine."

"She's a little cutie. Have you though about cutting her hair?"

"No."

"Oh! She likes it this long?"

"Loves it."

"My daughter had it this long once, it was so annoying! Hair everywhere, in the end it just became so damaged that we had to cut it. Good thing too, her scalp was so irritated and sore from the weight of it too."

"Ah, I see. Well, I'll have to look at it closely tonight. Thanks for the clothes again, what do you say Alpine?"

"Thank you!"

he raised her with MANNERS

and the ability to steal

that night, he's sat on the couch, Alpine on the floor in front of him and he's just looking at her hair

fucking split ends

it's looking a little dry

you can just tell it's been through a lot

honestly he's conflicted but he wants to make her hair healthy!

so he proposes the idea to Alpine and at first she's like okay

but then, they're in the bathroom, Alpine stood on a chair in front of the mirror, Bucky behind her with Scissors and they're both very hesitant

"I've changed my mind I like my hair now!"

"Al, sweetheart, we need to cut it. It's not as healthy as we think."

"NO! I like my hair!"

"It'll grow back, babydoll, but we need to cut it so it can grow back healthy."

eventually she agrees

she's crying

but she agrees to cut it to her shoulders, were there was less damage and more healthy hair

Bucky hesitates, but want's to promote the growth

in the end, after it's cut he has to hug Alpine all night

which he doesn't complain about

she's devastated because she can't do cute long braids anymore and even Bucky struggles to do it before bed

it falls out during the night and Alpine cries to Bucky the next morning because of it

but he cleans up the hair he spent fucking weeks detangling and nearly tears up himself

doesn't regret it but goddamn it he was so damn proud of her hair

genuinely distraught he can't even complain about Alpine being clingy for the next few days because she's devastated

when they're not being dramatic though, both of them are actually very wholesome

we know Bucky tells her stories of his childhood which she basically eats up

but sometimes he just doesn't have the memories

so, he teaches her how to read and write

it takes a while, but he's determined

he takes her to the local library, cap on and keeping his head low

he initially sends her in on her own, telling her to ask the librarian for a library card in her name

she's shaking her head and clinging to Bucky's arm

"She'll laugh!"

"She won't laugh"

"She will, what if she asks how to spell my name?"

"Al-"

"Please Bucky..."

he tries his best not to fall for it

but she's got a good puppy dog face

checks how many people are in the building, two and they're both very old

perfect

so he guides her in, going straight up to the front desk and keeps his face as hidden as possible

he can feel her squeezing his hand

"Hi, can I get my daughter a card?"

"Of course! What's your name sweetheart?"

"Alpine, miss."

"Alright and your surname?"

Bucky answers

"Barnes. Alpine Barnes."

"Could you spell that for me dear?"

Alpine is sending him a look which he grins at because it's a happy, excited look mixed with an 'i told you so'.

spells it out for her and let's Alpine wonder off to look at the books whilst he's getting the card

leans in and whispers

"Sorry about this, but I just wanted to ask if you had any recommendations for children who struggle to read?"

she's nodding and whispering back to him, understanding that Alpine was very sensitive about it, telling him what stickers he needed to look out for and which to avoid

after a while of browsing, Bucky and Alpine had managed to get quite a few books which would help her and be a good starting point

she's basically dragging him home because she's so excited to start reading

regrets it so hard a few weeks later when they've progressed to a more difficult learning book and she can't understand it

sat at the dining table and banging her head on the table because she's so frustrated with it

"I hate this book."

"Yeah, well we're not going back a level so keep trying."

tries a few more times before she's groaning and pulling at her hair

Bucky sighs and leans into his chair, also frustrated

is he teaching her well enough?

maybe something less formal would help

a more relaxing environment

standing, he goes to the couch and pulls the cushions off, placing them on the floor

Alpine thinks he's annoyed at her and starts apologising but he ignores her

grabs blankets and more pillows, setting up a little space for them to lay down on

get's himself comfortable before patting the space next to him

"Bring the book and get over here, bucluc."

Alpine jumps right up

a chance to cuddle her adoptive father and break the first rule

hell yeah

gets herself comfortable, using his arm as a pillow but doesn't want to read

begs him not to make her

so he calms her down and reads instead

gets a few sentences in before he starts to 'struggle' on a word which he knows Alpine definitely knows how to read

she'll help him with the word and he'll thank her before continuing and getting stuck again

repeats a few times before she eventually takes over, reading word for word and getting stuck

he'll help her and she'll get back into a rhythm of reading until she's finished the book or fallen asleep (he'll move her to the bedroom and laugh at her grumpy face in the morning)

this is how he teaches her form this point on, she manages a lot better when they're relaxed and she's cuddling into him

fucking cutie

writing comes a lot easier to her, especially when she knows how to read and knows the sounds letters make

obviously she's learning Romanian, but Bucky teaches her English at least as a spoken language

he manages to find some books which help with the written language but she hates learning it even more

he's speaking in English a lot more around her as well which is so frustrating

"English is stupid."

"Well, you know that statement in both English and Romanian so I'm taking that as a win."

".... What?"

surprises him by speaking in Korean, which he genuinely did not think she knew but then again it made sense?

When he says something she doesn't understand, she'll say something in Korean

Bucky does not know Korean

but he knows Japanese

it makes for a very, extremely crude translation

honestly they're both very petty but at least they're bilingual

the first thing she writes is her full name

'Alpine Barnes'

she then writes Bucky's name

he keeps them in his diary with her drawings

Let's be honest, Alpine is learning so much with Bucky

how to read

how to write

in Romanian and English (he can't teach her Korean but he's added it to the list)

how to feed herself

how to prepare food

to know her own limits

how to take care of her hair (even though she cries every time she needs a trim)

how to steal

how to gaslight innocent neighbours into giving her clothing

how to stab a man or blind him

again, not his proudest father moments

but he'd do anything to keep her safe from harm

she deserves to be happy and although he feels like he's failing, she's always got a smile on her face and seems happy enough

so he'll keep doing what he's doing, despite it being less then conventional

of course he's worried, but it's safe today that he's starting to get used to being a family

he doesn't know what the future holds, but he'll damn sure fight for the privilege that will be watching Alpine grow into a healthy young adult

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