#and never fucking once did i get that same respect in return

[lightningfilledsaber]

bro I fucking hate my gut reaction to be sad and miss the people who hurt me. like, yeah, they were my best friend for years, but not only did they do the exact thing my previous best friend did to me knowing how much that hurt me and fucked me up, but very little of it was actually healthy or even like. nice. it sucked. the last entire fucking year of our “friendship” I was literally in a constant state of anxiety and panic because of their shitty behavior and their girlfriend’s shitty behavior that they fucking enabled. I don’t miss them!!!!! I literally don’t!!! the week after I cut them off I FINALLY relaxed!!!! it was like my entire body had finally uncurled from a fist!!!!! I was no longer suicidal, I was no longer crying every other day, and I finally felt SAFE and secure IN MY OWN APARTMENT. before, I was constantly on edge, paranoid, and ACTIVELY suicidal. I was in a constant state of freeze and fawn as a fear response. I’m not FIXED, by any means, I’m still struggling with shit, but it’s been literal YEARS since I’ve been this peaceful. holy fuck.

#i can recognize that my bpd was making my situation much worse but i was CONSTANTLY being open and communicating to them #and never fucking once did i get that same respect in return #i was treated like a literal fucking chauffer and the only time they fucking spoke to me was to either gush about their gf #who was actively being a huge fucking asshole to me #or bitch about their mommy and daddy and oh how hard it is to have health issues they were actively ignoring #when. lol. at the time they were covered medically by both parents and i had not had health insurance in like? two ish years? lol. #there were so many other fucking things but like that was the biggest thing that stuck with me aside from the emotional manipulation L M A O #and their fucking gf CONSTANTLY comparing me to her abusive father???? out of nowhere???? would just randomly fucking #literally compare me to him when i would say i liked a thing or even if she just observekd something about me like what the actual fuck??? #literally on 5 seperate occasions she did this #girl you would throw a fucking fit if i had done anything even vaguely resembling that to you why the fuck did you feel the need to do that #dont project your fucking daddy issues onto me especially when you're literally two fucking years older than me get a fucking grip #anyway i think sometimes my brain is missing the FP version my bpd created of them in my head #because i miss aspects of them that RARELY if ever toward the end occured. like yknow. giving a shit about me. being there for me #or yknow not literally emotionally manipulating me for your own benefit/amusement lol #i sometimes wonder if theyll ever recognize thats exactly what they were doing whether they want to admit it to themself or not but like. #i dont care??? i realized it. so i dont really give a fuck if they ever do because?? what does that do for me?? lol?? #but ive also realized that even if they hadnt been toxic as hell to me that it wouldve ended anyway because both of them despite being older #refused to grow the fuck up and mature or even like. learn. lol. they were so content to just stay the same meanwhile #i had actual responsibilities so i didnt really get the luxury of continuing to pretend to be a child lol #they just liked the attention and the benefits they got from me being an actual adult. they could use me to continue being children #theres not even anything wrong with not wanting to grow up like. if i didnt literally have to i probably wouldnt have either but. #idk you dont have to literally take advantage of the people in your life who HAVE to mature so that you can keep being a kid #sometimes. coping mechanisms. are bad. #anyway rant over dont mind me i had coffee with an expresso shot and havent slept after my 12hr shift #so that's partially what's fueling this post ngl #still all entirely true though dont misunderstand me on that one #mud rambles #for blacklisting purposes -> #rant

[gyuzgrl]

her //kmg//

summary- with your marriage in shambles, you find yourself at your wits end when Mingyu's infidelity comes to light. heated discussions ensue.

PLEASE WAIT FOR PT 2 I'M NOT LETTING HIM OFF THAT EASY !!!!

Mingyu never thought he'd end up here. As tears brim over your cheeks, hurt evident in your eyes, he feels his world collapse.

Sure, he'd only married you because his father arranged it, but as your relationship comes up on its first year, he's developed certain feelings towards you. Feelings you can never know of. Feelings he thought you'd never return.

Your marriage has never been a point of envy for those around you. It's common knowledge that you and Mingyu hate each other's guts. You've made your peace with this- or at least you thought you did, until this morning, when your breakfast was interrupted by an unexpected voice message.

'hi, it's me- um I think you left your tie at my place last night... d'you wanna come get it? I've uh, I've bought that set you told me to get last week. call me back, kay? see ya'

The words ring clear as day in your head, even now, as you sob into your palms, hunched over in bed.

Filled with dread, you waited for your husband to leave the house, heading to work. You knew he would've heard the message- her message- sometime during the day, and so, you waited.

Waited for the call-

"I'll be home late today- there's an issue that came up last minute. don't wait up."

There. That same excuse you've heard night after night, for months on end. Your heart breaks when you realise that Mingyu's probably gone to see her everytime he had to 'stay late at the office'.

Although you knew going into this marriage that there would be no love, no romance, you couldn't help but hope. Hope that one day your husband would wake up and realise that he's been in love with you all along. Hope that one day the fighting and screaming would cease. Hope that one day he'd look at you like you matter to him.

Hearing the practiced ease with which Mingyu lied to you, you felt your last straw snap. No love, you could deal with. No intimacy, you could self satisfy. But no respect? Taking you for a fool, playing around behind your back, lying? You've reached a new low.

What's worse is, despite knowing that he's in the wrong here, you can't help but wonder what she has that you don't. What can you do to make him love you? How can you make him want you?

Mingyu's neglect has done permanent damage to your self esteem, and now you find yourself caught in an endless loop of obsession.

Evening rolls around and you're alone, in your big apartment, surrounded by cold, white furniture. Your house is spotless. It's clean and neat and unfamiliar. You can't call this place home. Not when nobody really lives in it.

Tears threaten to spill from your eyes as your mind fills with thoughts of your husband's infidelity. He's smiled at her, undressed her, touched her. Fuck, he probably looks at her and sees the ghost of what could've been.

No, you tell yourself. You cannot possibly be crying over a man who doesn't care about you. Where is the self respecting woman you once knew? The one that would stand up tall, make her presence felt.

Hours pass by like this, and the house grows dark. You haven't moved from your position in bed- scrunched up, hugging your knees close. You haven't eaten all day. You haven't thought of anything but Mingyu's betrayal.

There's a sharp jangle of keys sticking into the door, and you know he's here. You can't bring yourself to move, can't be bothered to greet him like you usually do.

His bag lands on the couch outside with a dull thunk, and he makes his way to the bedroom.

You should move- pretend to be asleep so he doesn't try to say anything, turn to the side so he doesn't notice your pain- but you don't. You can't, rather.

Mingyu walks in, head hanging low. He notices your frame, hunched up on the mattress, and his shoulders tense.

"you're up" he says to you, as if to confirm.

You stay silent.

"y/n?"

More silence.

Flicking the lights on now, Mingyu takes a step towards the bed, now noticing the red hot flush of tears streaming down your face.

"hey what's-" he draws closer, arm reaching out to thumb away your tears, "you're crying,"

So you did end up crying.

All the mental pep talks you gave yourself about self respect and how he doesn't deserve your tears, clearly didn't do much.

You lift a hand to your cheeks, feeling the wetness of your tears.

"oh", is all you can manage, wondering when you started crying, sitting dumbly as if under some sort of spell. Your eyes, unfocused, stare blankly at the wall in front of you, and your lips begin to quiver.

"what's wrong? oh my g- please don't cry" Mingyu panics, reaching out to grab your face, but your words have him freeze.

"don't. don't touch me."

Your voice is a whisper, trembling like a leaf, but it carries a dangerous certainty.

He backs away instantly- "is everything oka-"

This time you turn to the side, facing him properly, and something within him just knows that you know.

"oh." he breathes, eyes flashing with guilt.

"when were you going to tell me?"

When he fails to respond, you push further, voice laced with a dangerous mix of hurt and rage.

"how long have you been seeing her for? goddammit Mingyu I know you don't love me- I know you aren't happy but god how could you do this to me? to us? you have to remember, I'm just a woman at the end of the day. I'm only human- fuck" you break off into a sob, letting your words, your emotions free. It was reckless- being so raw- but there's nothing to lose anymore...

You've already lost what little you thought you had.

Your watery, blank eyes tremble upwards to meet his, and you see his face contort with an unrecognizable kind of pain. You've never seen him like this before.

"whatever you wanted, whatever you needed- you could've taken it from me, I'm your wife Mingyu. god, I feel so fucking stupid waiting for you all this while to just love me- and you've been crawling into someone else's sheets? Do I disgust you so much that you won't even touch me to satisfy yourself? Do you hate me so mu-"

"don't you dare." Mingyu interrupts, jaw tensing, "you can call me a liar, a cheat, an asshole I don't care but don't you dare try and tell me how I feel- not when you don't fucking know anything."

Your brows pinch together, an insurmountable rage boiling inside you, and you rise to your feet, standing as you face your husband.

"oh, I, don't know anything? What about you then, Mingyu? What do you know that I don't? I'm telling you how I feel 'cause I fucking see it. I see the way you look at me with that unamused, tired look in your eyes, I see how you don't talk to me, I see how you leave your stupid fucking ties at some girl's house 'cause you'd rather fuck her than touch m-"

You can't bring yourself to finish your sentence. Somehow, saying what you already know, makes if feeler so much more real. You can't bear the thought of him not loving you, not wanting you.

"you think this is what I wanted? you think I wanted to look for someone else instead of touching you? fuck y/n after all the screaming and fighting, you think I didn't wanna reach out and hold you? everyday when I get home you think I don't wan- fuck do you really think I don't wanna talk to you and hear your voice and feel you?"

You shake your head, slightly afraid of how Mingyu's eyes have darkened, taking on a crazed hue.

"my arms would never have comforted you, y/n. You thought me a stranger. How could I touch you, knowing damn well you don't want me like I want you?" He stops, chest heaving with bottled emotions, and his words ring in your head.

'you don't want me like I want you'

Trembling hands ball into fists, punching his chest as tears stream down your face. How dare he? How dare he assume that you didn't want him- that you didn't love him?

"you fucking idiot" you sob, fat tears rolling down your cheek.

There's a short pause as Mingyu derives meaning from your words, and his eyes widen.

"y-you mean to say that you lo-" he chokes back a shudder when your hands grip at the fabric of his shirt in wordless confirmation. A hand wraps around your fist, pulling you closer, and your eyes widen.

"what are you doing-"

"what I should've done a long time ago."

A swift tug has you stumbling forward, right into him, and your lips meet. Mingyu's free hand splays against your lower back, dragging you nearer- as close as physically possible- while he devours you like a prisoner on death row receiving his last meal.

It's a messy, desperate kiss, but the sparks it sends flying over your body has your knees growing weaker and weaker. His lips cradle yours, sucking, tugging, pushing, as he holds you like there's no tomorrow. Tears prick your eyes once more, but this time it's different.

Now you can feel his emotions, feel his love.

The longing, the yearning he's felt all this while, comes pouring out into the points where your bodies connect. His touch sends fire burning all over you, chasing away your despair and replacing it instead with red-hot desire.

Mingyu's tongue pushes into you, licking at the seam of your mouth, circling your tongue as he discovers you in a way he never has before. You can't help but whimper at his actions, and you find yourself getting lost in him. No sound- other than your heartbeat, thudding in your ears- is audible to you. Nothing. It's as though you're underwater, and your hearing is muffled- except this time, it's him you're drowning in.

Aching lungs remind you that air is a necessity, and you both pull away, a string of saliva connecting your crimson lips to his. The rapid rise and fall of your chest tells Mingyu to give you time, but his body doesn't listen.

The taste of you is addictive.

He pulls you in once again, ignoring the helpless gasp you let out in response. Trailing up your back, Mingyu tangles his hand into your hair, letting his palm cradle the nape of your neck. The plush surface of his lips feel sinful against yours- leaving you in desperate need of more. His tongue swipes at the seam of your mouth and you let him in, giving him access once again.

The hand holding your wrist crawls up to your palm, interlacing his fingers with yours, and squeezing tight, as if to reassure you, as if to say- 'I'm right here, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere'

"Mingyu," you breathe against his lips, "do you reall-"

You feel his lips quirk up into a smile, letting his canines show ever so slightly, and he moves down to your neck, right below your ear.

Sucking harsh, wet love bites into the sensitive skin, he whispers-

"I love you more than words could even begin to describe"

His breath ghosts over your ear, spreading goosebumps all around your body and you shudder at the sudden stimulation. Pulling back, you look him in the eye, lust and love brewing in your own.

"so show me"

It's as though you've awoken something within him- something he's been trying to tame, to control. There's a fire burning in his eyes, dancing with danger, with desire. Without warning, Mingyu pushes into you, closing the space between your bodies, and you let out a pitiful whimper.

"will you let me?" he takes in a sharp breath, feeling your body against his.

You stare up at him, wide-eyed, and nod. Mingyu taps at your thighs, and you jump right away, trusting him blindly to catch you.

"good girl-" he rasps as his hand travels down to squeeze the curve of your ass.

Mingyu sucks bruises into your skin- neck, chest, jaw- wherever he can, and you let him, not caring about who sees them. You tip your head down to do the same, but something stops you.

A bruise.

He tugs you back, searching your eyes.

"what's wrong?"

"she's kissed you here"

He sighs.

"we don't have to do this- I've j-"

"no! no I want to- I want this god I want this I just- can I do something first?"

He nods.

"anything you want, my love"

Mingyu places you back down and lets you push him onto the bed, laying him down on his back as you crawl on top of him. Stradling his waist, you begin to unbutton his shirt, letting the crisp white fabric fall slack against your fingers.

"you're mine now, you got that?"

"all yours baby, only yours" he breathes as you part his shirt.

Your eyes skim over the hickeys painted over his chest and your heart twists painfully in your chest. Unshed tears sting at your eyes, and immediately Mingyu sits up against the headboard, holding your face.

"I'm so sorry- I- fuck we shouldn't-"

"no."

"baby..."

"no- I want these-" you motion to the bruises on his chest, "I want these off of you"

Mingyu nods silently, leaning back against the headboard, and you continue your actions. Lowering your face to his throat, you find a red-ish splotch, and attach your lips to it, sucking into the tender skin so hard it breaks, leaving a purple bruise behind.

He winces as you move to the next one, sucking harder and harder each time, desperately trying to erase the past. Observing this, Mingyu's face softens. A gentle, guilty smile stretches past his lips and he brings a hand to pat the back of your head, tangling his fingers into your hair to pull you closer- flush against his bare chest.

A yelp escapes you as you lose your balance, falling forward into him. He wraps his arms around you, holding you still as he says-

"I'm yours," He squeezes around you, nuzzling into your neck, "I can't change the past, and I'm sorry for everything I've done- sorry for hurting you the way I did"

You can feel how rapidly his heart thuds against his chest, beating on the door of his ribcage as if it wants to be let out, as if it wants to jump out of his chest, into your hands.

"it hurts," you sniffle, "it really hurts"

His fingers rub soothing circles into your skin, trying to melt away your pain, feeling his own heart shatter into a million pieces. This is of his own doing, though. Only he is to blame.

"lemme make you feel good, hm? let me show you how much you really mean to me,"

You nod, letting him move you as he pleases, until you're under him, nestled comfortably between the pillows, with him hovering over you. The veins of his forearms tense deliciously as they hold his weight, and you feel your body grow hot.

Soft moans slip out of your mouth when he lowers his face into the crook of your neck, sucking red marks into you- gentle, yet firm. His lips suction your skin, teeth nipping at the chosen spot until your skin breaks, before letting his tongue soothe over the crimson bruise.

Like this, he carves a path down your neck to the collar of your shirt, stopping right at your cleavage.

"this okay, my love?" he stares up at you, one hand shifting to tickle the hem of your shirt

"mhm"

Gently, like you're made of glass, he undresses you, gasping when he realises that you're bare underneath.

Your skin catches him off-guard, and Mingyu finds himself transfixed. Like an anchorite discovering the face of God, he stares at you in wonder, in awe, finally feeling complete.

The intensity of his stare has you nervous, and you lift your arms to cover yourself.

"do-don't stare," you mumble, cheeks growing hot as his eyes burn holes into your skin.

"can't help myself- you're so beautiful,"

"Mingyu please," you whimper, feeling wetness pool between your legs, "I need you"

Feverish hands roam over you, and his head dips into the valley of your breasts, pressing soft, wet kisses to your skin. Mingyu closes in on your breast, letting his teeth nip gently at your hardened nipple, and you gasp, feeling your body light up at the motion.

He grins against you, repeating the action and you let out a trembling whimper.

"don't tease" you plead, threading your fingers through his hair, "need you so bad Gyu,"

"I could kiss you all my life and never get enough,"

Enough said. You tug him up, pushing your lips together once again in a messy kiss. Mingyu grinds into you, and you gasp at the prominent bulge poking out of his trousers. He uses this to his advantage, pushing his tongue into you, letting the wet muscle trace over the corners of your mouth as if to memorise every texture, every taste.

You chest flutters, and you whimper into his mouth, almost losing your composure when he begins to carve a path from your lips to your stomach, leaving gentle kisses down your collarbones, chest, tummy.

Stopping at the waistband of your shorts, Mingyu looks up at you, eyes practically begging that you allow him to undress you.

"please" you whisper, head tipping back into the pillows when his hands smooth down your sides, hooking under your shorts to pull them off. Keeping his eyes trained on yours, he tugs the fabric down, tantalisingly slow.

The sensuality, the intimacy of this act finally becomes known to you, when your eyes stay stitched together, as if connected by string.

Once you're left completely bare, at his mercy, he kneels.

At the foot of the bed, as if it is your alter, Mingyu kneels, letting your ankles rest on his broad shoulders. He presses tender kisses to your limbs; ankles, calves, thighs, making his way up to his very own pot of gold.

Liquid gold.

"baby you're dripping-" he groans, almost frustrated with how stunning you look, splayed out and wet, all for him.

His kisses inch closer and closer, moving from your thighs to the tender flesh right next to your sex.

You know what comes next.

"oh"

Your lips part, settling into an 'o' shape, when Mingyu licks a long, fat stripe up your slit, stopping at your clit to prod gentle circles with the tip of his tongue.

For a man who's hasn't as much as kissed you before, he sure knows how to work your body.

Perhaps you were just made for one another.

You feel the thick trickle of arousal seeping out of your hole, and Mingyu laps it up, letting his tongue dip into you slightly, curling up to cup every last drop.

"fuck you taste divine," he groans, voice low and gruff, "better than everything I've imagined-"

Your heart swells.

"you thought abou- f-fuck Mingyu right there"

He smirks against your cunt, humming a quick affirmation that sends a jolt up your spine.

"thought of you every night, wanted to hold you, feel you-"

You gasp, gulping thickly at his words, and your mind grows fuzzy, filled with cotton as you feel your body beginning to float away.

Mingyu brings his lips around your clit, suctioning the sensitive bud out of its hiding as his tongue laps at it. Your grip on his hair tightens, and your mouth hangs open- whimpers slipping out, beyond your control.

Without warning, Mingyu slips a finger into you, pushing his way in. Your back arches off the bed, and your hips snap up, but he holds you down, basking in the long drawn moan he manages to rip from your throat.

The stretch of your walls around his digit has you whimpering and writhing under him, and you can't help but wonder how big his cock is, how it would split you open for good if his fingers are already almost too much.

As if he read your thoughts, Mingyu winces at the way you suck him in.

"so fuckin' tight-" he gasps, jaw dropping in awe at how your tiny little cunt stretches to accomodate a single finger.

With the way Mingyu worked his tongue against you, and his finger into you, it's no wonder your orgasm begins to build. You feel your body tense, on the verge of release, limbs and stomach tightening as he works against you.

"please- don't sto- oh" you shudder when his tongue presses harder.

The great wave of pleasure rises, up and up, higher and higher, ready to come crashing down any moment now, when suddenly, he plunges a second finger into you, ripping your orgasm out of you with such force, your legs tremble as a string of moans and profanities leave your parted lips.

Mingyu scissors into you, fucking you through your orgasm, as your arousal drips down his fingers, down his wrist. Your legs shake uncontrollably as he pistons in and out of you, and you shudder.

"w-wait I'm still-"

"sensitive? mm I can tell" he smirks, lowering his face back to your cunt, tongue lapping at your juices eagerly.

He prods the muscle into you, bullying it's way beside his fingers to collect the remnants of your orgasm.

"fu-" you gasp, feeling your body convulse.

Cupping his tongue, Mingyu drags your wetness up your folds, spreading it over your clit before licking firm circles around the sensitive bud.

You moan, helplessly, and your body is ablaze, nerves standing on edge from the intensity of your previous orgasm.

As he continues his assault on your overstimulated sex, you feel another orgasm build at record speed.

Feeling you clench up around his fingers, Mingyu pushes harder, licking tighter circles into your clit, and you come undone within seconds- shocking both yourself and him.

"that's it, that's my good girl," he sighs, secretly in awe of how responsive you are to his touch.

He pulls his fingers out of you, and you whimper at the sudden loss.

"patience," he soothes, tongue trailing up his wrist to the tip of his finger, taking in your arousal.

Your breath hitches at his actions.

"you taste too fucking good to waste any of this"

Rising off the floor, he licks his lips, staring down at you with adoration painted plain as day on his handsome face.

His knee presses between your legs, and you feel the bed dip under his weight. Swift hands unbuckle his belt, undoing the clasp with one hand while the other works at his buttons.

Before you know it, Mingyu's pants are off, leaving him in plain black boxers and an opened shirt. He peels his top off, tossing it to the side, staring into your eyes.

"you can touch," he rasps, tugging you up to sit before his naked torso.

Your body listens before your brain can comprehend his words, and you let his hand pull your wrist up, placing your palm flush against his abs.

Your jaw drops.

He's rock solid. Years of hard work and dedication have defined the ridges of his muscles, and your mouth waters at the sight. You trace over each contour, each ridge, before turning your attention to his arms.

Those were another story altogether...

The thick, sturdy flesh of his biceps tense under your touch, rippling as your fingers pushing into them, testing how firm they really are.

answer: very.

Your nails rake down his arm, drawing over his veins, and he sucks in a sharp breath, feeling his cock grow painfully hard.

You notice, and tug his boxers off, gasping when you see his cock spring free.

It's huge. It's long and thick and veiny, flushed red at the tip with pent up energy. You bring your hand to stroke it as gently as possible, and he hisses, hips startling when you make contact with his dick

"baby," he pleads, using one hand to cup your jaw, tilting your head up to face him, "say it again"

You're confused for a moment before realisation hits.

He wanted you to say that you-

"I love you," you state, loud and clear.

His eyes darken, jaw tensing as he grits out, "again."

Mingyu pushes you down, laying you on your back, and you speak, voice meeker than before.

"I love you,"

He let's out a shaky breath.

"again"

"I love y-"your voice is a whisper now, cutting off into a stunned gasp when he pushes into you.

"oh my god," you tremble, your voice small and frail.

The girth of his cock is nothing like you've ever felt before- not with other men, not even with the toys you use. He eases himself into your tight cunt, going as slowly as his body let's him, and your eyes screw shut.

"uh uh, eyes on me,"

You look up at him, eyes wide as your brows scrunch up. Your jaw falls slack, and you can't stop your throat from opening up to release the filthiest sounds known to man.

"that's it, shh- takin' me so good," he shudders, eyes honed in on the way your face contorts in pleasure.

With each inch his pushes further, your thoughts disappear one by one, until all that's left is him.

"Mingyu" you choke out, nails clawing at his exposed back, "I love you"

Whatever seemed to have been holding him back snaps for good, and he bottoms out in one swift motion, earning a loud moan in response.

You feel your lungs burn as he pulls all the air out of you, feel how deep he is inside you.

Mingyu pulls out, leaving only the head of his cock inside you, before slamming back in, one hand on your hip, pulling your body closer, harder.

His head drops to the spot below your ear and he let's his teeth graze the delicate cartilage.

"I love you," he whispers, his breath sending shivers down your spine. "I love you so much,"

Angling his hips, he pulls your thighs up over his back, and his cock burrows deeper inside you, hitting a spot no one ever has before.

"Mingy- oh my godd" you drawl, voice shaking as he thrusts into you with force enough to power a tiny village.

The sheer girth of his cock has your walls pressing into him, squeezing so tight you can feel each ridge and furrow of his veins.

"so fuckin' perfect- m-made just for me-" His voice is a whisper. He pants into your ear, groaning everytime you squeeze around him.

The solid, steady snap of his hips into you has your head spinning. His size has you losing your mind, and soon enough, you're thoughts are limited to him.

"Mingyu Mingyu Mingyu-" you sob, tears streaming down your face at how he abuses your cunt, how he makes you feel so fucking good.

"I know, pretty, I know," he soothes, pressing a kiss to the spot under your ear, before pulling himself up to look at you again.

The sight before him has his eyes widening. It's as if his world stops. Hair fluttering around your face, skin glistening with a thin film of sweat, lips red and parted as you moan his name through thick sobs and teary, glistening eyes- fuck, how could a person be this beautiful?

"I love you," he shudders, looking you in the eye as his hand trails down to fiddle with your clit, rubbing lazy circles into the flesh.

Your head falls back, tipping into the pillows, and you choke out a strangled- "I love y- m'all yours Mingyu"

Gaining newfound access to your throat, Mingyu kisses greedily at the exposed skin, groaning as your cunt clenches down around him.

Your sounds- nothing short of pure sin- echo around the room, bouncing off the walls. The air is heavy, steaming up with the heat emanating off of your bodies. After all this time, the wait is over. He's finally yours.

As your moans turn shrill, increasing in volume and pitch, Mingyu's own voice grows breathier, and you know you're both close.

On the verge of falling deep into the cool black embrace of pleasure, you clutch desperately at each other, rutting into one another as if there was no tomorrow.

His thrusts grow sloppy as your cunt clamps down on him, and you feel your orgasms rip out of you like a whirlwind. You claw at his back as your body shakes under him, releasing your third orgasm, and he groans deeply into, riding through his own high.

Hot spurts of cum dribble out of you, forming a frothy white ring around the base of his cock- still thrusting into you.

"f-fuck Ming- please," you blubber, tears staining your cheeks, "s'too much-"

His hips halt their reckless movement, and he pulls out of you, watching as your combined orgasms trickle out of your hole.

"too much?" he asks, bringing a hand up to stroke you cheek so lovingly your heart melts.

"mhm," You nuzzle into his palm, "but it was perfect."

For a moment he stares into your eyes, guilt panging in his chest at how you look at him with so much love, despite all that he's done.

"we'll talk over breakfast tomorrow, hm? let's just- let's just stay like this for now"

You nod, letting your eyes flutter closed, and he shuffles beside you, pulling your limp frame into his chest.

The haphazard thudding of his heart tells you how nervous he is, how he's afraid to lose you, and you smile.

"hey," he mumbles, sleep taking over.

You hum and it reverberate in his chest.

"I love you"

"I love you too, Gyu"

"I'll spend the rest of my life making up for how we started," he places a soft kiss to your forehead and you mumble something incomprehensible, already drifting off to sleep.

A fond smile takes over his lips, and he sighs.

You're the best thing to have happened to him.

#seventeen #seventeen smut #svt smut #smut #kim mingyu #anon ask #mingyu smut #kim mingyu smut #mingyu x reader #mingyu #mingyu is an asshole but he feels bad #kpop writers #kpop smut #kpop fanfic #seventeen mingyu

[kentopedia]

i miss when we first met

FEATURING. dazai osamu x f!reader & f!reader x chuuya nakahara — wc: 15.1k

SUMMARY: you'd always been in love with Dazai, but you started to doubt that he'd ever cared for you in return. chuuya, though, had never shown you anything but true affection.

CONTENTS: nsfw 18+ ONLY, pm!dazai, pm!reader, mostly dazai x reader but…, unhealthy relationship dynamics, voyeurism, cheating, manipulation, smut, degradation, guns, angst, dazai is very bad at expressing emotions, pet names, horrible communication, unrequited (?) love, the list goes on bc they’re in the port mafia just be warned

note: this took me like 4 months to finish & i am so so nervous to post it lmao. i wanted to write something different & this is very outside my comfort zone! :) but it's dazai's birthday so i figured i might as well share it today

You rolled onto your side away from Dazai, still breathing heavily as you came down from your high.

Beside you, he had shifted onto his forearms, moving up against the headboards to sit up straight. The covers fell off of him, revealing the marks that you’d left all over his body, the scars from a life lived in the mafia.

Under the red silk sheets, you were silent, your head settling into the pillow as you stared at him.

He’d deny it, but he was beautiful, a tempting, alluring creature that you couldn’t get enough of.

But you also knew Lucifer had once been God’s most beautiful angel, and it only made sense that Dazai Osamu would hold the same kind of exquisiteness.

Dazai closed his eyes, rolled his neck as he leaned back, stretching out all of the stiff muscles. He didn’t touch you again, kept a distance as he wiped the sweat that had dried on his forehead, the fluids that had stained the sheets between you.

He used to talk to you, after something so intimate. Used to hold you in his arms and trace your skin with a gentleness you didn’t know he possessed. He hadn’t always been cruel when he fucked you, hadn’t always put his own needs before yours.

Of course, Dazai had never loved you. That was something you were certain of in your very core. But he’d held at least some shred of respect for you before becoming the head of the Port Mafia. Now, you didn’t think he saw you as anything more than a means to an end.

It didn’t matter, though. It didn’t matter that Dazai spoke to you minimally when you two weren’t alone, that everyone in the Port Mafia knew you were nothing more than the woman who slept in his bed.

It didn’t matter because you loved him. You’d stood by his side since the beginning, since he’d recruited Chuuya, since he’d lost Oda.

Since he’d killed Mori.

You’d been with him through all of it, seen every horrid side to him, and you’d never once wanted to escape. Dazai had his claws in you, and he had them in deep. The thought of being anywhere but with him had never crossed your mind.

“Akutagawa told me what happened yesterday.”

You blinked, snapping out of your haze as Dazai regarded you with cool, condescending eyes. He was peering at you from over his shoulder, picking his dark button-up off the floor. The skin on his back was red from scratches, the lines dragging through his taut skin.

“Did he?” you said, looking down at your nails. You hadn’t expected anything less. Akutagawa did everything in his power to get exaltation from Dazai. “I’m sure his report was thorough.”

Dazai’s jaw clenched. His eyes narrowed, a darkened tint flashing in them. “That’s all you have to say?”

His voice was unamused, icy, and it reminded you that no matter how many times you crawled into his bed, let him use you however he wanted, he was still your boss. He was Dazai Osamu, the man whom everyone in Yokohama feared.

You swallowed. “I’m sorry.” Your gaze twisted away from him, unable to meet his hardened expression completely. “I was distracted. It was my fault entirely.”

Dazai made a noise in the back of his throat as he moved out of the bed. He sauntered across the room, so quietly and cat-like, and you buried yourself deeper into the mattress, wanting to sink into it completely.

“You’re lucky, then, that Akutagawa was able to deflect the bullets.” He began replacing the bandages that had slipped off of his face, covering his cheek with disgust.

He let you see him completely when it was just the two of you. It took every ounce of your self-control not to read into that, to wonder if it was just a habit leftover from when you were younger.

“I am lucky.”

Truthfully, you’d only hesitated for half of a second, momentarily lost in your own loop of suffering, and your opponent had gotten an edge on you. They’d shot at you, then the bomb, nearly prematurely blowing up the building.

“After decades of work, I would’ve thought you’d know better by now.” Dazai sighed wearily, like your presence irritated him. It probably did. “I’ll consider moving you. I’m sure there’s a place for you where you can’t get yourself killed if you fuck up.”

“Dazai—” you swallowed, a horrid tasting stinging your mouth as you remembered your time with him had come to an end. He was back to being Mori’s underling, the man who looked at the city like it was nothing but a chessboard. “Boss,” you remedied quickly, all too used to addressing him differently. It was difficult, sometimes, to recognize where Dazai began, and the Port Mafia’s boss ended. “It was a stupid error. In all the time you’ve known me, have I ever done something like that before?”

Dazai hesitated momentarily, before tensing his shoulders. He didn’t answer your question. “Don’t let it happen again.” A warning was in his eyes when they met yours through the mirror. “I don’t have the patience to find a replacement for you, and Akutagawa’s too valuable an asset to lose to a seasoned professional’s careless mistake.”

You exhaled, looking back down at your hands. The ones that had already been stained in so much blood, wrought with crime and bad intent. “Understood.”

You finally climbed out of the bed, missing the warmth that it gave you, even though Dazai’s cold body always sucked it away. He laid so stiffly next to you most of the time. You remembered when he used to sleep with his forehead pressed to the back of your neck.

As you dressed, Dazai kept his eyes on his work, never paying you any attention. You felt discarded, useless, and you wanted to hate him, wanted to hate yourself for longing to wrap your arms around him, hug him from behind.

“I’ll send you with Chuuya tomorrow,” he said, scanning reports and assignments that he’d thrown aside lazily last night. “An easy assignment outside of Yokohama. Think you can manage that?”

“Just give me the job.” You snatched the paper out of Dazai’s hand, and he didn’t say a word, only watched as you perused it. It was, really, the simplest task he’d given you in the past few weeks. You’d felt like he’d been overworking you just to avoid you. “Fine. I’ll take it.”

Dazai’s smile widened, sinister, and wicked. He brushed his hand delicately over your shoulder, against your neck before patting you on the head. “I trust you won’t let me down.”

Going against every sensible atom in your being, you smiled wearily. His minimal display of affection warmed you, a deep pang settling in your soul. “Have I ever?”

“No.” He held a sort of awed fascination, twisting a part of your hair between his fingers. “How lucky someone must be to be my greatest enemy. To get the kiss of death from an angel is not such a bad way to die.”

He held your cheek in his delicate fingers, and you were putty in his hands, wishing that his eyes would soften, even by a fraction. That his hand would cup around his cheek like he meant it.

Instead, he pulled away, and you felt cold, cold, cold, drowning in your own emptiness.

You scoffed, trying to regain some power in the situation. “I’m no angel.”

“Hm,” Dazai hummed, dropping his head in his hands, resuming a spot behind the desk, the deep red chair much too similar to the one in his office, the one that Mori had inherited from the previous boss. “Perhaps not to others.”

And you grew hot, feeling that, maybe, Dazai was giving you a compliment.

It was at times like these that you saw the semblance of your previous relationship. When you could tease him without feeling the weight of his superior rank looming over you. When you could kiss him without tasting venom. When you didn’t have to wonder if it would be appropriate to touch him, or if you should keep your distance.

You wanted to quit him. Really, you did.

He was a horrible, loathsome person.

You’d never be able to stop loving him.

“I could never be any sort of heavenly creature, Dazai. My spot in hell was sealed the moment I sided with the Devil.”

Dazai laughed, the sound raw and dry, so humorless. “I hope you don’t mean me. Flattery will get you nowhere,” he tsked, the tip of his tongue scratching against the back of his white teeth.  

You certainly hadn’t meant that as a compliment.

“Should I say goodbye before I leave?” you asked wryly, doubting that he’d even want to see you again. His image burned against the back of your eyelids, and you drank him in, hoping that when you died, his face would be the last thing you saw.

Dazai didn’t grace you with a simple yes or no. Instead, he glanced up briefly, his one eye exposed, mere centimeters of skin uncovered. “Goodbye.”

You nodded; lips pressed tightly together as you accepted the dismissal. With a sigh, you were out of the room, wondering why you hadn’t just showered before you left. Most of your clothes were in Dazai’s closet anyway.

You didn’t see him again before you left.

The assignment Dazai had given you was a few cities over, a task of infiltrating an enemy organization who’d gotten a little too close to the Mafia’s boundaries. It was simple enough, especially with Chuuya at your side, though the whole ordeal had you away from home for a weekend, and far too much time with your own thoughts.

Dazai had set the two of you up in a suite, one with two separate bedrooms and a shared living space. It was much more luxurious than you even needed, with a view overlooking the entire city and an extensive bar in the kitchen. The furniture was a deep, black leather, every accent dark in color.

It was conspicuous, but you’d grown too used to extravagance after being with Dazai. You allowed yourself to indulge in it.

A silly notion, really; the place you slept every night was much more lavish.

You scrubbed the blood off your face, your hands, and stared at yourself in the mirror without recognizing the person before you. The water at the bottom of the shower was a macabre shade, staining the tiles as it swirled down the drain.

Shivering, you tried to reconcile all of the things you’d done, shelve them away before you could wonder if all of it was really worth it. If Dazai was really worth it.

When you finally emerged from the bathroom, your skin rubbed raw, Chuuya was sitting at the bar, a freshly cracked bottle of wine before him. His back was tense, muscles strained as he regarded you with weary eyes, the darker shade under them obvious and alarming.

“Took you long enough,” Chuuya snorted, pouring himself a glass. The bottle was aged and dark, the label faded. He must have brought it along with him; it certainly hadn’t come from the hotel. “I was getting bored.”

You made a face, taking the seat beside him. “Well, there was a lot of blood.” You reached over to snatch the bottle, pressing it to your lips before he could protest.

“Help yourself, then,” His expression was sour, but his acerbic tone held a hint of amusement. “Do you know how expensive that is?”

“No.” You shrugged, taking a sip. Money had stopped meaning anything to you a long time ago. “Should I care?” The liquid warmed your throat on the way down.

“Probably not. You’ve surely got enough cash behind you to buy me another one.”

“Right.” You snorted and wondered how much of that stuff you’d have to drink before you’d stop feeling a thing. Thoughts of the crumbling bond that you and Dazai shared wouldn’t leave you alone. “And you don’t?”

Chuuya laughed, twirling the glass in his gloved hand. There was a hardened edge to him that you didn’t like. Opposed to Dazai, Chuuya had always been much more open with you, more willing to share his thoughts. “Well, we can’t all be Dazai’s favorite. You’ve got the keys to the kingdom, my dear. Whatever belongs to the Mafia belongs to you too.”

“Favorite?” You spat out the word, darkening at the mention of Dazai, the man who never seemed to leave your brain. It was always Dazai, Dazai, Dazai. The youngest executive there had ever been, the one who’d become the head of the Port Mafia just a few years later.

You hated him. Wished you could burn the memory of that haunted man entirely.

“Hm?” Chuuya leaned forward like he hadn’t heard you.

A bitter flavor blossomed on your tongue when you thought of saying his name out loud. “I don’t want to talk about Dazai right now.”

You brought the bottle to your lips again; it was starting to feel lighter.

“Why?” Chuuya’s eyes dimmed as he stared at you, looking for something hidden in your irises. A secret that wouldn’t be there. You’d always been too easy to read. “Did something happen?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about Dazai, and you immediately think something’s wrong?”

He blinked. Hesitated. “Well, I spent my teenage years listening to you talk about him like a lovesick fool. The subsequent years watching him stare at you in the same way.” He took the bottle away from you, tipping his head back. “Something must be wrong.”

You felt a flush at your neck, the skin itching with sweat. It was cruel of Chuuya to allude to any emotions from Dazai, when you knew they weren’t there. “That’s not true.”

Chuuya sighed. “Isn’t it?”

Although his temper had always been much worse than yours, you felt the same sort of anger claw at your back. The urge to scream at him became almost insuppressible. “Dazai doesn’t care about me like that.” You flopped down on the bar, alcohol fuzzing the edges of your senses. It felt nice, warm.

Maybe being away from the Port Mafia was better for you than you thought.

“Don’t be stupid.” Chuuya’s eyes had narrowed when your head fell forward, his fist clenching around the bottle.

“Stupid?” You immediately sat up, blood rushing straight to your head. Who was Chuuya to come and tell you everything he thought he knew? It was laughable, really. “He doesn’t care, and I think I’d know. Fuck you, Chuuya.”

You slammed your fist down on the table, hurt. You didn’t understand why Chuuya would side with Dazai when he knew how much the situation troubled you. How often had you bared your soul to him, told him how Dazai’s aloofness had hurt you over and over again?

His eyes softened, an apology immediately leaving his lips. “I’m sorry—”

“Are you?” The words were vehement. Chuuya was shamelessly against your relationship with Dazai, always coming up with one reason or another to get you out of it. Now, it seemed, he was trying to defend it. “Dazai cares or he doesn’t. You can’t keep changing your mind based on the situation.”

“Dazai does care.” Chuuya said the words like they pained him to leave his mouth, each one dragging a dagger against his chin. “You think he’d keep you around if he didn’t?”

You did. You knew that you had use outside of Dazai’s feelings, just like Chuuya, just like Akutagawa. Just like every menial grunt who had a shred of value for the Mafia.

“He cares that I have value to him.” A sigh left your lips, and you sunk your chin onto your palm, feeling like nothing more than the dramatic woman in a Shakesperian tragedy. Really, you couldn’t remember when you’d become so pathetic. “What will become of me when I can’t sink a bullet into the skull of his enemies anymore?”

Chuuya frowned, the wrinkles deepening on his forehead. “No one can predict what Dazai will do.” He let you steal his half-full glass of wine, keeping the bottle safely tucked away from you. “Would it make much difference to you if we could?”

“I suppose not.” You’d grown tired, the subtle buzz of alcohol coming in quick on your empty stomach. “Nothing matters much anymore. I’ll never leave the Port Mafia.” Saying the words out loud made it more real than you’d intended, even though it was a fact that had sunk deep into your bones the day you’d met the dark-haired, suicidal bastard. “Why do I have to love him, Chuuya? Why can’t I love a good man?”

You thought, why can’t I love you instead, and left it unsaid. The words might have been too cruel. You knew the pain of unrequited emotions.

“Because you’re in the Port Mafia. Good men would know to stay away.” Chuuya drummed his fingers against the countertop before reaching out, contemplative. Though you remained unmoving in your seat, his hand still retracted before he touched you, as if burned. There was caution in his movements, every action calculated—Chuuya was usually the opposite, as intelligent as he was. “Besides. You’ve never tried to let Dazai go. You don’t want to.”

“I want to,” you said defensively, though even to your own ears, the statement was weak. Dazai was an addiction, and you’d go back to him time and time again. Even when, sometimes, you weren’t so sure there was anything good about him. “I just don’t know how. What would I do out there in the world without Dazai?” You laughed, amused. A normal life didn’t seem possible—you’d have no idea where to start.

Chuuya’s face pinched in disgust. “Take over the Port Mafia. Kill him and run it yourself.” He huffed, running a hand over his eyes, exhausted. “There’s a solution. If you really want to get rid of him.”

You blinked back at him. A moment passed; you’d forgotten he was looking for a response.

“I suspected as much.” His shoulders slumped, defeated, as you drew back in shame. “How long will you talk yourself into this endless cycle of torment? Dazai isn’t the same man that you fell in love with, and he never will be again.” He met your eyes, cold and guarded. “There’s nothing to be done about that. If you want Dazai so badly, put up with every single part of him. I’m tired of listening to the same grievances, time and time again.” 

Chuuya made to stand, but you stopped him, grabbing his wrist lightly. He glared at you from over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you said, trying to convey your apology sincerely. “You’re completely right. I’ve never tried to let Dazai go, and maybe I can.”

You didn’t give Chuuya time to formulate a response. Before he could understand what was happening, you leaned forward, catching him off guard, and planted your lips on his.

For one singular moment, Chuuya had kissed you back, tasting your mouth in its entirety, before he shoved you away, scrubbing his skin like he’d been burned.

“Don’t do that.” He had a hand in your face, scolding you like a child. “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

You stared at him; his dark eyes were full of an emotion you had never seen before. “Why not? You said I should try to let him go.”

“Not by kissing me, fucking hell.” Chuuya hissed, his voice just above a whisper like someone else was listening in. Something vile had been unleashed in him as he gesticulated around wildly. “You’re Dazai’s.” He scoffed. “Do you think any smart man would do anything with you, knowing you sleep in that monster’s bed every night?”

You sniffed, sticking your jaw out. Maybe, you’d been wrong all this time. Chuuya was like everyone else, wasn’t he? Holding you at a distance because you cared for the wrong person.

“I’m not leaving the Mafia. I’m not leaving Dazai.” You reached across the table, grabbing one of his cold hands. “I just want to be someone else for once. To know what it’s like for someone to care about me so completely.”

“It’s not going to be with me.” Chuuya yanked his hand away, laughing mirthlessly. “I never thought you’d try to manipulate me like this. “You’ve been spending too much time with him.”

Your eyes flashed, infuriated. Chuuya looked at you with some kind of betrayal, like he wasn’t the exact same way, like he wasn’t the same kind of vile person that you were. “I know you’re in love with me, Chuuya. I know you’ve looked at me since we were sixteen years old, wished so badly I would look at you the same way.”

His jaw clenched, the anger giving way to something else. “Don’t start.”

“You’ve wanted me all this time, haven’t you?” It was a genuine question; one you’d always been too scared to voice. Chuuya was the only person you considered to be a friend and knowing that he felt that way about you would ruin your friendship completely.

Though you had one sip too much of alcohol running through your veins, and you’d spent two days wondering how you could stop feeling a single thing for Dazai. Rationality had left you entirely.

Chuuya was silent, still watching you with hesitance.

“You’re the only person in the Mafia who really cares about me, aren’t you?” you said, softer, wondering if you could lure him in. Spring him into a trap you’d both be certain to regret in the morning. “You’re the one who talks to me about everything, who watches out for my well-being. Who’s never looked at me like I was anything but the prettiest girl in the world.”

And though Chuuya still didn’t trust your actions, his eyes had softened just a hair, his body releasing the tension. “You are.”

You smiled, but his compliment made you feel nothing but guilt. “Then why won’t you let me kiss you, Chuuya?”

“Because.” He scraped a hand over his face, breathing heavily like it was taking every ounce of his willpower to resist you “Dazai will kill me, you understand? He’ll kill you.”

“Wouldn’t you at least like to know?” You invaded his personal space. Each word you spoke cracked him a little bit more. “I know you’ve imagined me spread out before you, entirely exposed to you. How I’d look with my hips arching off the bed, crying out your name—”

“Stop it.”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You felt like you were losing your mind. Something had cracked in you, and you couldn’t come back from it. Things would never go back to the way they were after those careless words had been tossed into the world. “You’ve always wanted me, so why, when I’m giving myself to you completely, won’t you accept?”

Chuuya swallowed. His voice had grown thick with desire. He raked his eyes over you cautiously. “You’re asking a lot from me, baby.” He held your cheek, grazing the bone in the gentle way that Dazai had forgotten. “Believe me, I want to. But you’ve had a lot to drink.”

“I haven’t,” you said, grabbing his wrist before he could pull away. The touch of another person felt so nice against your icy skin. “I’m okay. I’m not drunk.” You weren’t—the alcohol had just made you brave enough to ask. “Please, Chuuya.”

He swallowed thickly. “He’ll kill me.”

“And he’ll kill me. Just as you said.” You met his eyes completely, wondering why you couldn’t care for this man in the same way, why his lips weren’t as alluring as Dazai’s, why his voice didn’t set a blaze deep in your stomach. “Do you really care whether Dazai thinks of me as his?”

His cheeks were flushed, eyebrows pinched, and you spotted the moment he began to draw back. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just can’t.”

Then, you panicked, eyes becoming glassy as he released you, turning to retreat back to his bedroom, and you scrambled for another way, a way to bring him back to you.

“Chuuya, please,” you said, desperation in every syllable, and when he turned around, you knew you had him wrapped around your finger. “I just want to know what it’s like with a person who loves me. Can’t you give me that?”

That was it. That was all you had to say. When Chuuya bowed his head, you knew he’d given in.

“Why do you think I can give you what he can’t?” Chuuya’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. “I’m not that kind of man. I’m not the kind of man you’re looking for.”

“No,” you said. “You’re not that kind of man. You’re Chuuya. The only person that’s always been there for me.”

He hesitated, momentarily, before sweeping you into his arms, his touch the softest you’d ever felt. “Are you certain that you want this?”

“Yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter if Dazai kills me.” Chuuya spoke into your mouth, carving the words into your aching heart. “You were always going to be the death of me, anyway.”

His lips were upon you again, kissing you with the hunger of a starved man, and you gave him back as much as you could, which was the despair of a lonely woman. His touch was one of loving hands as guided you back into the bedroom tenderly.

When your back hit the bed, he asked if you were okay, asked if everything was comfortable. The concern in his eyes had rarely been seen in Dazai’s own—you couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken care of you first.

“I’m fine, Chuuya,” you promised again and again, and you smiled, caressing the soft skin of his jaw.

His lips pulled back in return, and then your shirt was thrown over your head, carelessly tossed towards the corner of the room. Though, no matter how many articles of clothing you lost, the necklace that Dazai had given you still rested against your collarbone.

You cupped your palm around it, trying to avert Chuuya’s gaze as he stared down at the precious metal, something conflicting in his cool irises.

“It’s okay,” you said, doing your best to distract him. You wouldn’t take the necklace off. It didn’t matter how much Dazai had hurt you; you needed the reminder of the absolute infidelity you were committing. “Keep going.”

Feeling more anxious than you had before, you kissed Chuuya, trying to dispel the bile that gathered in the back of your throat.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chuuya said, kissing every inch of your face, his hands hovering over your chest. “I could look at you forever, and it wouldn’t be long enough.”

Chuuya’s sentiments warmed you, but words weren’t enough. You pulled his vest off, then the buttoned-shirt and every other intricate article of clothing he wore.

It felt wrong. His height was wrong. His skin felt too warm under your palm.

“When did you fall in love with me?” you asked, breathing heavily. Desire pooled in your abdomen against your will, your own heart betraying you. Still, it was nothing more than the most basic reaction of human nature, raw and primal, unaffected by the organ that was jailed within your ribcage.

Chuuya was surprised by the question, and he paused, his face just inches above your stomach. “I think I realized when I was seventeen.” He huffed out a laugh, inhaling your perfume. “It was the first time I saw Dazai kiss you. I thought I was going to be sick.” He continued kissing down your body, sliding your pants past your hips. “I’d always wanted you. I guess I just didn’t realize until then.”

You exhaled, feeling tears spring to the corners of your eyes, ones you suppressed.

Dazai had given you flowers that day. You remembered how they smelled, the rainy spring breeze. The way the sun reflected in his brown irises, melting them into candied honey that brightened his entire complexion.

“Then take me, Chuuya. If you’ve wanted me for so long, then fuck me like you mean it.”

His dark eyes flashed, but his gentle caresses never turned rough, never sped through a single moment you had together. You smiled, your expression peaceful and open when he finally slid your panties off, your cunt throbbing as his finger brushed against your swollen clit.

Chuuya took his time with you, singing praises that you hadn’t heard in a long time, and you came once around his slender fingers, the ones that were much less skilled at knowing every place you enjoyed being touched.

When he finally sunk inside you, you still felt empty, unfulfilled. You tried to lose yourself in his mouth, in the taste of wine and Chuuya, and dug your fingers into his back.

“Feel so good around me, baby.” Chuuya whispered into your skin, imprinting the words into your neck. He was careful not to leave any marks, though he wanted to, wanted to claim you as his own. “Taking me so well.”

You tugged on his hair as he kissed down your collarbone, between your breasts, his breath hot and heavy. Though you cried out, you kept your voice quiet, still fearful that someone might hear, might know exactly what kind of betrayal you’d committed.

Chuuya thrust into you slowly, so much gentler than Dazai, hitting the spot deep inside of you that had you arching off the bed. “Fuck,” he said, choking on his own breath. “You have no idea how you make me feel.” He was full of desperation, his hands digging into your hips.

“Chuuya,” you said, holding his head between your palms.

He gave you the brightest smile in return, sad and meaningful. “I know. I can feel you squeezing me tighter. Let go for me, doll.”

His hair was just as soft, but it wasn’t dark enough, wasn’t short enough. His kiss didn’t feel the same, and you felt tears blurring your vision as you realized you’d never wanted him, you only wanted Dazai, and this was all wrong.

Still, you came around him, as he was buried deep inside you, but his name never left your lips, not even as a breathy whisper, because the one that was sitting there was Osamu.

And when he pulled out of you, you stroked him with practiced laziness, moving your hands in the way you knew Dazai liked, even though Chuuya felt so much different in your palm.

Chuuya kissed you as warmth flooded into your hand, and then he was breathing heavily, collapsing onto the bed next to you. He kissed you over and over, holding you tight, and you smiled, satisfied, because at the least, you knew this was what love felt like.

You’d never get it from the man you wanted, so you’d take it from Chuuya, even if it made you feel rotten inside.

The room smelled like sex and betrayal, and Chuuya took care of you, carried you out of the bed for a bath, and gently rinsed away the sweat and grime.

You were silent for most of the time, only reassuring him when he asked if you were alright.

For the first time, maybe you were. You imagined a future where you could learn to love Chuuya, a future where you were finally able to rid yourself of Dazai and start over again.

But it was nothing more than a delusion, a dream that would never happen. Dazai was a part of your soul. You knew that and Chuuya knew that, even as he closed his eyes next to you, the woman that would never give her love to anyone else. Your heart beat and bled for Dazai Osamu, every inch of your being meant for him. It would kill you to let him go, and if he died, you’d die right alongside him.

You turned away from Chuuya, burying your face in your hands, completely unaware that he’d left the bed to sleep in the other room.

You didn’t talk to Chuuya the next morning, not when you took a private car back to Yokohama, not when you stepped foot back onto the Mafia headquarters. Things between you had soured, just as you’d suspected, and you didn’t know how to fix it, didn’t think there was any way to go back from what had happened.

Higuchi was waiting for the two of you when you walked in the door, her blazer perfectly pressed, and her shirt tucked. She greeted you with a half-smile—gesturing towards the stairs. “The boss wants to see all of us for a meeting. He said you two would be arriving at this time.”

You nodded, and Chuuya scoffed, shaking his head. “I’ll never understand his superhuman ability to know what’s happening all of the time.”

Swallowing, you followed Higuchi, trying not to hear the foreboding nature of Chuuya’s statement.

Most high-ranking Mafia members were in attendance, with Dazai at the head of the table, the dark wooden chair beside him eerily empty and welcoming. You took a seat, and Dazai’s eyes ran over you, smoothly and hastily, before a small smile appeared on his features. “No injuries?” he said, and though his tone was professional, you could hear the slightest bit of concern.

“None,” you said, and something in your voice cracked, ever so slightly.

You were such a fool. You’d never be able to hide something like this from Dazai.

He eyed you suspiciously, before sliding his glance over to Chuuya, who was as cool as usual. His face was shadowed by his hat, hiding any evidence of a sleepless night.

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, tucking his palm into his hand. “Debrief.”

Your partner gave Dazai every last detail, summarizing as best he could, and sliding in the occasional sarcastic remark as he leaned back casually in the chair. Dazai listened with boredom in his expression, drumming his fingers against the table until Chuuya’s monologue was complete.

He turned to Akutagawa, who bowed his head an immediately launched into his own assignment.

You blinked—you hadn’t realized that Akutagawa’s squad had been sent elsewhere. It made no sense for Dazai to send you with Chuuya when your own division had a separate mission.

The meeting wrapped up quickly, and the members scattered, going their own separate ways for the afternoon. Chuuya refused to meet your eye as he got up from the table, one of the last to leave the room.

As you stood, Dazai closed a hand around your wrist, his thumb brushing your pulse.

“Was the hotel alright?” he asked, his head titled curiously. “You look tired.”

You took a sharp breath.

Fuck.

“It was fine, Osamu,” you said, and when his name slipped easily from your tongue, something in him changed. He loosened the hand on your wrist before releasing it entirely, the bandaged palm falling into his lap. “Thank you.”

Dazai nodded, turning away from you, and you’d forgotten that there were still other people in the room. Akutagawa, who lingered with morbid curiosity, and his sister, who had always sort of pitied you for your tumultuous relationship, bore witness to the brief interaction.

Behind them, Chuuya stood tense, his back straight as he crossed the threshold, sparing you only a glimpse before exiting into the darkened hallway.  

“Alright,” Dazai said in a hushed voice, his face schooled back into the usual, guarded expression. “I’ll see you later.”

It wasn’t much of a response, and he didn’t elaborate, keeping his steely eyes ahead as some low-ranking members trudged in for a meeting with their boss. He’d be busy all afternoon, it seemed.

You swallowed, and left, knowing that it was fruitless to try and keep a secret from him.

Chuuya waited for you outside, his arms crossed as he regarded you with a contempt that hadn’t been there before, such a contrast to the loving man you had seen last night. “This changes everything, you know?”

“I know,” you said, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I’m sorry, Chuuya.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he scoffed. “I was the fool. I made my choice.” Chuuya sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I meant what I said, though. Yesterday. It was all true, and if you need anything, I’ll be here.”

You felt a chasm open in your chest, and you wished the floor would’ve swallowed you whole. You were losing everyone, it seemed, and maybe, Dazai really did have a point with his talk about suicide.

When you stepped into the bedroom, Dazai was sitting on the edge of the bed, the setting sun casting a shadow of his own reflection. He was twirling a pistol around his pointed finger, staring at the wall with blank eyes.

You shut the door quietly, your hands shaking against the golden knob.

Though you hadn’t made a sound when you walked through the door, Dazai’s gaze was on you immediately, sensing your entrance.

You’d never been able to slip past him.

“You’re back early.” Those were the first words that came to your mind, your voice breaking the uncomfortable silence. He was regarding you with disdain, his jaw set coolly. His hair turned bronze in the evening rays, loose strands scraping against the bandages.

“I am.” His jaw clenched, examining you with a singular, dark eye. You felt exposed under his gaze, laid bare for him to see no matter how much you shrouded yourself with. “You sound like you’re unhappy to see me.”

Dazai ran his finger along the trigger like he’d never held such a weapon before, the gun becoming an object of morbid fascination. 

You exhaled. There was so much space between you, a distance you weren’t sure you’d ever cross again. Though you thought you knew Dazai better than anyone, in that moment, he was unreadable—a chapter of pages that had been torn out.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you said, standing tall. Despite your nerves, you were fixated on Dazai, always drawn to him like a moth to a flame, desperate to uncover the very thing that could kill you. “I miss you every time we’re apart. You’re no stranger to my feelings.”

You could offer him that, at the very least. An undeniable truth before everything between you shattered.

Dazai stood, his dark coat billowing out behind him as he finally came to face you, suddenly seeming much taller than you remembered. And with one look, you knew that he knew. He’d always been too smart for his own good.

“I’m not certain of that any longer,” he laughed, though it was a bitter sound that clawed its way up his throat. “Why don’t you tell me the truth, instead.” Dazai stood before you with a smile that was so sweet it was almost sinister. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you did?”

You weren’t sure which one of you would blink first, caught in some deadly staring contest. Most people would’ve surrendered to him by now.

 “Why?” you jutted your chin out, refusing to give in to him in any way. If you were going to die, and you were, you would make sure Dazai knew everything you’d never told him. “You already know.”

“No.” He poked the gun into your cheek, right beneath the sharp bone. He’d clicked the safety off moments before. “I want to hear you say it. You betrayed me.”

When you refused to say a word, Dazai hissed and cocked the gun. He pressed it to your temple, the metal cold against your delicate skin.

“Say it.”

You sniffed. He wasn’t giving in, and instead, stood there silently, unmoving until you finally caved. There was something about the color of his eyes. No matter how much they hardened, you still remembered the young man he used to be. The one who wasn’t quite so cold, who picked you flowers, even with blood dripping down his arm.

“Fine.” You narrowed your eyes. “I fucked Chuuya.”

Dazai blinked. Then, he started laughing. Crazily, maniacally. You saw too much of your old boss in him that it made you sick.

“Shameless.” Dazai took a step back and dropped the gun to his side.

“What?” you sneered, pressing yourself up against him, refusing to be intimidated by the man that had been yours for years. “Should I be ashamed?”

Dazai’s eyes flashed, his jaw clenching. “Yes,” he said, fists curling at his sides. “After everything I’ve done for you.” Dazai grew quieter, flicking a strand of hair out of your face. “Do you feel no remorse?”

“You can’t be serious. What have you done for me, Dazai?” You grew still, grabbing his wrist before he could touch you again. “You’re not upset I was with another man; you’re just upset that it was Chuuya.”

You poked him in the chest, a hot stream of air exhaling through your nose.

“I gave you everything, didn’t I?” The two of you spoke at each other, avoiding the answers, never acknowledging what the other had to say. Around and around you went, an endless circle until one of you finally conceded. “I’ve given you the world, and you still wanted more.” Dazai finally broke free of your loose grasp, stroking your cheek. “What can Chuuya give you that I can’t? I ask for nothing but honesty.”

There was no jealousy in the tone, no sorrow; it was the most genuine question he’d asked you in months. The inquiry of a man who’d lost sight of himself in the past few years, and who’d somehow, over time, forgotten what it meant to care for another.

“You gave me nothing,” you said, but somewhere along the way, your cheeks had grown wet. You’d been struck by the sudden affection in his voice, the softness harsher than a slap to the face.

He was a horrible man, the worst kind of man. Yet, you couldn’t imagine a life without him, a world where you existed alone.

The truth rested at the edge of your tongue. It wouldn’t solve much, your affection for him never had solved much, but at least he would understand.

“This was never about wanting more. I never wanted Chuuya. You’re a fool if you think that.”

Dazai was silent. You pressed on.

“I wanted you. I’ve only ever wanted you. I’ve devoted my entire life to you. I do everything you ask.” You were breathing heavily, big gulping breaths that contained minimal oxygen. “I asked for nothing in return. Nothing but for you to care about me, and you never did.”

“Is that the case?” Dazai laughed humorlessly.

You ignored him, your confession leaving on one heavy breath, a string of words incomprehensible to your ears. “But Chuuya loves me. He always has, and he made certain I knew that.” You paused, averting your eyes. The entire city could be seen from the window over his shoulder. “He told me all of that, and you know what I thought the whole time?”

Dazai scowled.

“I wished that he was you instead. I wanted it to be you so badly, I wanted it to be you saying those things to me, kissing me like I was the most important thing in the world.” You took his wrist again, pressing the gun back to your temple. The cool metal was almost soothing against your skin. “Please, Dazai. Give me this one last thing. I’m begging you to kill me. I can’t take this any longer.”

His finger rested on the trigger.

“I want it to be you. I’ve never wanted to die at anyone’s hands but your own.” His hand felt just as it always had in your palm, his fingers much longer, but his skin so soft. It was almost comforting, how familiar he was, and you longed to be a part of him, to bury yourself deep within him and wear his skin as your own.

Dazai’s expression twitched, and you smiled at him, the taste of salty tears spilling into your mouth.

As you closed your eyes, you prepared for the noise, hoping your blood splattered on Dazai’s coat and stained it, the proof of your existence inerasable. You hoped that Dazai would grow to regret it, would realize that your love for him was close to unconditional.

But the violence never came. The cool metal fell away from your skin, and when you opened your eyes again, Dazai’s shoulders had slumped, the very image of defeat.

“Do you honestly think I can bring myself to kill you?”

“What’s the matter?” you asked, blinking your eyes open. You reached for the gun again, but he drew back, as if stung. “Afraid to lose your best assassin?”

“No.” Dazai’s eyes were hard, his frown set deep into his face. “I’m afraid to lose the woman I love. The most important person in the world to me.”

You stared. Blinked. Then, the worst kind of emotion washed over you.

You swallowed over and over, trying to get the bile out of your throat. You’d wanted to be done, wanted to escape. And yet—

“Don’t say that.” you shook your head, backing away as Dazai inched closer, too close and you felt yourself getting sucked back in, remembering that you’d loved him for years, and you’d never love anyone else. “Fuck you, Dazai. Stop toying with me, and just kill me."

“I love you. I thought you knew that my darling angel.”

You were crying harder, shaking your head. “I don’t believe you. You don’t care about me.”

“No?” Dazai had grabbed your wrist again, but it was so soft. “I thought you were smarter than that. Did you think you were partnered with Akutagawa at random, and not for the sole reason that I knew he’d do everything in his power to protect you? Did you think I moved your seat next to me at meetings because you were nothing more than my stupid whore? Bought you everything you ever wanted because I couldn’t stand you?”

“Yes,” you said, sniffing, feeling yourself melt where he touched you, itching to reach up and pull the bandages off his face, see the beautiful features beneath them that he hid from the world. “You don’t care about me."

“I do care,” he said, fingers grazing your chin. “I’ve killed for you. I took over the Port Mafia so I could give you everything you wanted. Why wasn’t that enough?”

“Because I never wanted that. I never wanted any of this. I wanted you, Dazai Osamu. That was all.”

Dazai frowned, and then he bowed his head, kissed your neck, then around your earlobe, and it was the softest you’d ever felt in your entire life, a gentleness you hadn’t known he was capable of. When his hands snaked around your stomach, pulling you back against him, you were lost in his adoration.

“You never said anything,” he said, kissing your shoulder, breaking the tension in the muscles. You were his, in every lifetime, you’d be his. “I thought you were… happy?”

“How could you think that? I’m not happy, Dazai. I’ve never been less happy.”

“Not even when I tell you that I love you?” he kissed your knuckles.

“Do you love me enough to be a better man? Do you love me enough to let me sleep in your bed and see your whole heart instead of the fragmented pieces that you sliced up just to hide?”

“Yes.” The word was resounding, resolute. “I love you enough to forgive you.”

You held him at a distance, lips falling apart easily. “But I don’t want to forgive you.”

“You will.” Dazai smiled, that irritatingly knowing smile of his that you’d fallen for in the first place. “You will because I mean it this time.”

“You never apologized,” you looked away, trying to find the strength to move. You were enraptured, in every fiber of his being. “You never will. You never do.”

“I never knew anything was wrong,” he frowned, and it wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t a lie, and you had him so close that you just wanted to forget anything had ever changed. “How was I to fix it if you never told me?”

His words were full of poison, but his voice was so soft you couldn’t help but fall back into him. Perhaps, you should’ve said something. Maybe your actions had never been enough.

“How long have I been at your side, spent hours listening to your every word, even when they didn’t make sense to me? You should’ve known, Dazai. I shouldn’t have to tell you something like that.” Your words were losing their bite, and his lips quirked up, knowing that you were slowly coming back to him, clearing you of the sins you had committed.

He was hesitant, thoughtful, before pressing a kiss to your forehead. And perhaps, that was the final straw in your resistance, his gentle kiss enough to set your soul on fire.

“I’m sorry, my love,” Dazai said, his lips ghosting over yours, handing over the apology like a gift. “Won’t you give me a chance to fix it now?” It felt like a bad idea. Dazai wasn’t deserving of any more chances; you’d already given him years of second chances, had always given him the benefit of the doubt.

“You expect me to believe you’ll let us off scot-free?” you said, your face deadly close to Dazai’s. “What about Chuuya? Will you kill him in my place.”

“You’ve got me in your hand, love. If you want me to punish Chuuya, just say the word. I’ll kill him if that’s what you want.”

It wasn’t. That was the farthest thing from what you wanted, but you worried that if you sounded too enthusiastic, he might just follow through with it.

Instead, you pulled him to you, grabbing the dark tie that he wore around his neck. He grinned into your lips, his saccharine smile seeming much too deadly to be all that sweet. “Do you honestly think I believe a word that you’re saying?”

“You want to,” Dazai said, curling his hand around your jaw, his fingers brushing your ear. “That’s what matters the most.” He kissed your lips, and you could taste the difference, all the love he poured into it this time. It wasn’t like kissing a statue. “It’s all true, anyway.”

You broke away, breathing. “I won’t do this anymore, Dazai.” You finally had his hand in your own, placing the gun back to your temple. “You’re not the man you once were, and you’ll never be him again.” The smile that graced your lips was sad, though it was knowing. Things were always going to end this way.

Dazai’s face wrinkled as he tried to decipher all the words you’d never spoken. “I’m not the same man, that’s true, but my affection for you has never died.” He cupped his other hand around your cheek, hesitantly keeping the gun to your temple, squinting with his head bent.

“You’re the leader of the Port Mafia, and such a ruthless man wouldn’t let a betrayal go unscathed.”

There was a wave of silence while the two of you stared at one another, sifting through the situation with hardness in your jaws, the tension palpable within the air. Dazai straightened, clarity in his irises as a smooth smile burned onto his lips.

“Is that what you want?” he said innocently. “You want to be punished for your insurrections?”

Your mouth grew dry, but you held your ground firmly, swallowing back all the uncertainty. Perhaps you didn’t want to die. Perhaps you did. You just hated the gaping hole inside of you that never seemed to leave. “I want you to kill me.”

“Kill you?” Dazai laughed, then the hilt of the gun was against your temple once more. He held your chin steady between his forefinger and thumb, regarding you with thinly veiled disgust. “You’ve never wanted that before. Not when I asked you to die alongside me, to follow me far into the afterlife.” He sighed, releasing your chin before cocking the gun. “This isn’t about death at all.”

“What—”

“You want me to claim you, is that it?” He clicked his tongue before leaning forward, sneering. “Perhaps it’s that other way around. You want everyone in the Mafia to know I belong to you, hm?’

You blinked, though you began to feel weak in the knees, the eyes that you knew so well suddenly intimidating. “I never said—” but even then, your voice wavered, unsteady and uncertain of the immediate heat that had swirled under your skin.

Dazai’s mouth curled, a gruesome smile there. “I know you better than anyone. I’ve always known exactly what you want. Even though I shouldn’t forgive you, I can’t help myself.”

You swallowed, and Dazai had taken a step forward, pushing you with him, the gun still swaying at your temple, even when the backs of your thighs hit the bed. You fell onto the mattress, and he was on top of you, his finger caressing the trigger as he collapsed.

Dazai had never scared you, not even when he was a child you’d barely known, the teenager shaped in Mori’s image. Though, now, the unreadable expression on his face was alarming you, and you wondered if all this time, you should’ve been fearful.

Still, even with your underlying hesitance, you felt a wave of desire crash over you at the sheer need in his eyes. It wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with, but there was something else there. Maybe it was the love you’d just never noticed.

“Osamu,” you said in a quiet voice, not afraid, but not confident either. Your finger brushed the point on his wrist—it was the same heartbeat you’d always recognized.

“What?” he said, taunting you menacingly as he towered above you. “You were so bold just a second ago? What happened, darling?”

Unable to do anything but blink back at him, Dazai brought his thumb to your lips, brushing it across the plump skin before dipping it into your mouth.

Unprepared, you nearly choked, eyes blown wide as you stared back at him. Though, there was a command within his eyes, and you obliged, sucking as you watched the saliva drip down to his palm. Dazai pulled it away from your mouth with an obscene pop, giving you a sweet smile from his position above you.

Despite your humiliation, you shifted your hips on the bed, bringing your thighs together to provide you with a fraction of relief. Dazai’s eyes flashed at the movement, his smirk widening with an amusement.

“You’re nothing more than a dumb slut, aren’t you?” Dazai’s hand ghosted of your stomach, settling on the inside of your thigh momentarily. You ached with need, swallowing your pride and any demands that you could make of him. “Had Chuuya all to yourself this weekend, and still expect me to fuck you senseless.”

Your brow furrowed, and you opened your mouth before shutting it, lips still covered in your own spit. “Osamu,” you began, attempting to diffuse the situation, to explain that what had transpired between you and Chuuya meant nothing, but he never gave you the opportunity. “It wasn’t—”

Dazai’s gaze hardened, the adoration disappearing the moment you dared to speak. His fingers deftly wrapped around your throat, thrusting you into the mattress with enough force to quiet you entirely. “Shut up. If I want to hear you speak, I’ll ask. Understand?”

You could do nothing but nod, hating yourself for the ache that had grown more and more intense in your core, desperate for some sort of contact. Dazai, distracted with his own task of tearing your top off, had failed to notice the breathing that had grown heavier, the flush of heat that spread on every inch of your body.

His slender fingers finally removed the confining pants, a task he did skillfully with one hand still wrapped around your throat. Then, his fingers were against your aching cunt, and you twitched, letting out a heavy sound from the singular movement. You could feel yourself pulsing against nothing, desperate for his fingers between your legs.

“Pathetic,” he said, his fingers lazily dipping through your folds over your underwear. “I’ve barely touched you. How can you be this fucking wet?”

“Please,” you said quietly, your own hand aching to take over, if only to provide yourself that relief that he refused to give you. Every time you shifted into his hand, he brought it away, taunting you with the release you so craved.

“Please?” Dazai was mocking, cruel, every bit of the person people expected him to be. The one he never had been with you, not until recently. “You’re nothing more than a greedy little whore. Must have been why you fucked Chuuya without a second thought, huh?”

You were silent, staring him down with a clenched jaw. Your brain was twisting, betraying you, turning into empty cells within your skull, and you weren’t sure how to handle the accumulation of emotions that you felt for the man before you, the one who’s love had always been purposeful and merciless.

“Well?” he said, tightening a hand to close off the air to your lungs, trapping you with his strength. “Answer me.”

“No,” you gasped, and when your words sounded choked, when you clawed at his wrist, he loosened his grip just a hair, the only indication that the man you loved was in there at all. Still, your hips acted of their own accord, shifting further into his hand. “I’m sorry, Osamu, I am.” You felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes as he finally slipped his fingers under your panties, rubbing your aching clit. “I wanted you; I needed you and you were never there, but Chuuya was, and—”

You were a stammering mess of desperation and regret, feeling unglued under Dazai’s hands, like the words you’d been meaning to say could finally come out. He was the only one who’d ever listened to you completely, who you’d felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. Yet, it had been so long since you’d let yourself be open with him, and now that the opportunity arose, you were too weak to deny it.

“I was always here,” Dazai said harshly, and you were almost certain that his anger was genuine, the tone breaking in his voice a result of true sadness. “You never came to me, and I thought that’s how you wanted it to be.” His fingers sunk into you, and you threw your head back into the pillow, moaning sinfully with the lewd sound of him sinking in and out of you, the wetness collecting with every movement.

“You never showed me you cared,” you cried out, certain that there were tears streaming down your cheeks, and you should’ve been humiliated. It was humiliating—the way you were clothed in nothing, crying as Dazai laughed at you, taking full control over your body. How he could’ve done anything to you in that moment, and you would’ve let him, because that was just how much you wanted him.

“And Chuuya was the solution?” He grabbed your cheeks with the hand that had once been around your throat, pinching them to make you look at him. “You going to pass yourself around the rest of the Mafia, sweetheart? Who’ll get a taste of you next? I’m not so certain even Akutagawa would pass up the opportunity.”

His words were senseless, meant to hurt you, and you still couldn’t stand the anguish that was in his eyes.

“No,” you said, and you leaned up, wanting so badly for his lips to be on yours, to feel some semblance of the connection that you’d always had with him. “I wouldn’t, Dazai, I’m yours.” You choked on the sounds of your own moans, your thighs shaking with every change in pressure. “I’m yours. Please, I need you.”

You were certain there were marks on your neck from his fingertips, and Dazai ghosted his mouth along the delicate skin there, biting at the soreness from before. You jerked, digging your nails into his back as you drew closer and closer to your climax.

“Don’t make demands.” Dazai leaned back, and you missed the closeness, the sharp scent of him lingering in your space. “Chuuya hasn’t been a part of this conversation yet. Should we get him up here? I hadn’t considered what to do with him, but this might suffice.”

Dazed and drunk on the feeling of his hands all over you, it took you a moment to process what he was saying. His hand was already swiping through his phone, picking the number of the man that you least wanted to see.

“No, Osamu, don’t—” you cried out, and yet, you made no move to stop him. Instead, you remained pliant on the bed as he sunk another finger into you, his thumb moving in agonizing circles against your clit.  He tucked the cellphone under his chin, smiling at you maliciously, controlling you with every blink of his lashes.

You had always had trouble resisting him. Now was no different.

Chuuya answered as you released another moan, and Dazai was grinning wickedly, as if some larger scheme had finally come together, the culmination of everything he was plotting. “Boss?”

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, and you flinched, locking gazes with his deep brown irises, the color so alluring and beautiful, a shade that had darkened with each misfortune you’d endured together. You hated him, you did, but there was a fine line between the two, and your love for him would die with you, would transcend whatever simple rules the afterlife placed on Earth. “How quickly can you make it up here?”

You could hear the hesitation on the other side; Chuuya didn’t say anything for a moment.

“A couple minutes, I think. I haven’t left the building.”

“I’ll give you a couple minutes then.” Dazai’s words were clipped as he hung up the phone, throwing it to the arm chair a few feet away from the bed.

His attention was back on you completely as you let out a shaky breath, trying to regain some semblance of composure before Chuuya came into the room. Though it was so hard when the pools in his irises were pulling you deeper, locking you into a heaven that you’d never been able to reach.

Dazai pulled away briefly, his soaking fingers leaving your body to alleviate his cock from the confines of his dark pants, hovering before you.

You swallowed, not able to remember the last time your desire for him ached this badly. Your eyes trained on the very part of him that you wanted inside of you, the tip flushed so beautifully. There was nothing on your mind but him, how you wanted every part of him, even if it meant enduring misery after misery, and Chuuya was right—if you were to love Dazai, you needed to love every part of him, even when it seemed impossible.

A whine escaped you and you were reaching out to him, knowing he’d never let you live down your humiliation, but the future was not a part of your logical thinking, not now. “Want you inside me.”

“Surely you can hold off for a few minutes,” Dazai said, though the way his toned chest pressed to your own, and how he kissed your face with a tenderness you’d forgotten made it nearly impossible for you to refrain. “So desperate for my cock.”

You wanted to touch yourself—you would’ve, had you not been so nervous of the fact that Chuuya could come in at any minute.

“Tell him to leave,” you said, dragging your fingers through his hair, finally kissing him like you’d been wanting to, and the sound was sinful, heavy with lust as you forced a taste into his mouth, wishing every part of him was a part of you too. “I don’t want him or anyone else, just you, I promise—” 

Dazai cut you off and ignored your pleas; he smiled against your lips, though it was anything but kind. “I think he’ll enjoy seeing you like this, won’t he? You’ve got such a filthy mouth on you when you’re fucked properly.” He kissed his way down your chest, resting his face just above your breasts. “I bet Chuuya didn’t see this side of you, did he?” Dazai licked a circle around your nipple, tugging it between his teeth. “I’ve done nothing but call you names and you’re dripping all over the sheets.”

You shook your head, feeling pained by how badly you wanted release.

“Of course not.” Dazai sat back up like he could sense Chuuya approaching from the other side of the door, his presence bold and detectible. “He’s forgotten what’s mine, after all.” He smiled at you once more, kissing you with a kind of love that only he could portray, the kind that was nowhere close to innocent. “Don’t cum until I tell you to. Be good for me, okay?”

Dazai had always known what to say to you, even when your relationship was falling apart, even when you hated him more than you loved him. His words could be so tender, the praise melted in with the unkind quips of his tongue. It was the gentlest tone he’d used since your clothes had come off, and you couldn’t help but melt under him, nodding like you’d give him anything he asked of you.

Of course you would.

Dazai traced your features delicately, grinning maniacally, ears attuned to the quiet that broke from the footsteps approaching. His cock was lined up against your dripping hole, and it took every ounce of restraint not to plant yourself on it, trying so hard to please him, the sinful man who held too much power over you.

“You’re so pretty like this, aren’t you? My beautiful little whore, always willing to take whatever I give you.”

“’Samu,” you babbled, blinking away the tears as you latched onto him, wishing you could spare yourself the humiliation, but too drunk on him to care. He shifted you forward, taking your thighs in his hands and placing them around his waist. “I can’t take it all at once—”

“You’ve done it before. Do it again.” He growled, squeezing your throat once more in one smooth motion, thrusting into you. And though you had doubted how prepared you were, he slid into you easily, already so loose and pliant from his fingers. “See? Never forgot the shape of me, sweetheart. Even after you’ve been with another man.”

You let out a choked moan as Chuuya walked into the room, lost in the ache and the burn and the pleasure that came with loving and fucking Dazai.

There was one singular pass of silence before Chuuya spoke, letting the door shut with a quiet click on the hinge. “Boss—” Chuuya was hesitant, though his eyes were immediately drawn to you, raking over your blissed-out form. “You said to—” His hand was still on the knob, though he was distracted, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, ashamed but so full of want that it ached.

“Come in, Chuuya,” Dazai said sharply, his words solid and commanding, and you couldn’t help it when you clenched around him, drawing him further into you with nails scraping down his back. “We should discuss something.”

“Well, can we talk about it when you’re not in the middle of fucking your girl?” Chuuya asked, swallowing down the desire he hid so poorly. His cheeks had flushed, words just on the edge of stumbling and slurring together. “Another time, maybe.”

“This is the perfect time, actually,” Dazai stopped moving, already breathing heavily above you as you stared, whined, needing so badly for him to stop teasing you. “Besides,” his eyes drifted knowingly to Chuuya’s obvious erection as he laughed darkly. “I don’t think you mind so much.”

Dazai pulled back painfully slowly before sinking into you with a quicker thrust, your back arching off the mattress to catch even more of him inside of you. A barely noticeable sweat had broken against his hairline, and you stared at him, mouth slightly agape in awe at the boss of the Port Mafia, the one you somehow had wrapped around your little finger.

Your breathing had grown unsteady as his cock got deeper and deeper inside of you, hitting where you’d never been quite able to get with your fingers, the thickness of him catching on every sensitive part inside of you. His hand was back between your legs, rubbing circles on your clit, and you weren’t sure you could last much longer, not as he carried on a conversation with Chuuya, who watched you with darkened eyes, barely holding himself back.

“Please, Osamu,” you were practically begging now, your cheeks glistening with wetness as you clawed at the muscles between his shoulder blades, surely leaving bruises all down his spine. “Please, please, let me cum.”

Dazai made a tsk noise in the back of his throat. “Not yet. I don’t think you deserve it quite yet, does she, Chuuya?”

Chuuya sniffed, shifting uncomfortably as his pants grew tighter. “Gonna punish her all day, boss? Such a pretty thing should get what she wants, shouldn’t she?”

Dazai dropped his chest closer to you, going deeper into you, and you cried out his name, though your eyes were still locked with Chuuya, as if he were going to be your savior. You remembered how gently he’d touched you, how careful he was, and you wondered why you’d ever wanted that at all.

“Chuuya thinks he can fuck you better than me, darling, but you know that’s not true, don’t you? He’d spoil you too much, but this is what you want, right? You want to be called a stupid fucking cockslut.” Dazai grinned against your lips, whispering in a breath that only you could hear. “Just so that at the end of it all, you’ll be my good girl.”

You whimpered, soaking him as you clenched harder. Your brain had gone numb from the feeling of him. Dazai was smiling viciously, but you could see the underlying tenderness.

“She looks so pretty right now, doesn’t she Chuuya? Not a single thought in that beautiful little head of hers.” He smiled at him knowingly, dark hair flopping into his eyes as the rest of the loose tendrils stuck to his forehead. “You’re lucky. You’ve gotten two chances to see her now. Twice as many as most men who fantasize about fucking a woman that sleeps in another man’s bed.”

Chuuya’s voice was raw, his words cracked. “You’re sick, Dazai,” he said, clenching his hands into fists. “Putting on a show like this just to punish me.”

“You and I both know you’re enjoying this.” Dazai traced your cheeks sweetly, kissing your lips deeply. You let out a strangled breath into his mouth, something on the precipice of a moan. “Can you do one thing for me, pretty girl? One more, then I’ll let you cum, how’s that?”

You nodded, desperately, as Dazai’s fingers finally dipped back down, rubbing agonizingly light circles.

“Tell Chuuya who’s making you feel this way,” Dazai said, pushing your face away from him to stare straight into Chuuya’s dark eyes. “Tell him who you love the most.”

“You,” you gasped out, clenching tighter around him. What an easy request to make—you’d never loved anyone else. “I’m in love with you.”

Dazai sniffed, though he was patient, slowing his thrusts almost to a stop. “Not good enough. I need you to be more specific.”

You cried out, locking your ankles onto his hips, trying to force him back into you. But Dazai didn’t budge, watching you until you provided the answer that he so desired. “I love you, Dazai.”

He frowned, shaking his head once more. “My name. Say it. It sounds so sweet from your lips.”

“Osamu,” you choked out. “I love you, Osamu. I love you. I love you.”

Dazai finally smiled above you, gently tracing your cheeks with his thumb as he slowed down the pace of his hips. “I love you too, darling.” His words were soft, whispered into your lips before he turned away, meeting eyes with Chuuya across the room. “See?”

Chuuya was glowering, stiff as a board, his face pink, and his legs shaky. “I got it, Boss.” He choked out, though his eyes were on you, unable to leave your body, even as he tried so hard to be polite. His aching cock strained against his pants, and he breathed sharply, swallowing over and over. “Do I need to be here any longer?”

Dazai laughed, and you thought he looked so pretty when he did that, his smile flashing wide and alluring, the corners of his eyes crinkling marginally. “Never said you had to stay. I figured you’d want to watch her come undone one last time.”

Chuuya, for as noble as he wanted himself to be, made no move to leave, glued to the spot on the floor beyond your bed. He was just across the room, but you couldn’t focus on anyone but Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, the man who you’d killed and bled and committed horrible acts for.

You said his name again, scrambling to bring his attention back to you, hands on his face with a desperation you didn’t realize you’d possessed.

And Dazai, with the kindness of a man he wasn’t, placed his hands just above your stomach, leaving kisses across your chin as he thrust into you, sweetly, menacingly, one last time. “You did so good, my love. You can cum now. Make a mess all over my cock, beautiful.”

You jerked, squeezing around him as you felt the pressure in you finally release, the colors shifting and changing between your high as Dazai brought you in and out of an orgasm, his words reaching your muddled brain with soothing noises. Your body twitched as your muscles spasmed, sweat gathering in the space under your knees. There was little in your mind, save for the dark-haired man that had quickly become your whole world.

You smiled lazily, lacing your fingers with Dazai as you slowly began to come back to yourself. The world around you was empty. Chuuya had all but disappeared into a block of nothingness as you stared into the world itself. If there was no Dazai, there was no you, and it was as simple as that. He was everything you’d ever wanted—you’d be a fool to ever left him go.

As you regained your breathing, still sensitive all over, Dazai came inside you, spilling hot release into you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to care, too busy being satisfied with the feeling of him all over you.  His hands never left you—he was delicate, caring, pressing loving touches into your skin as you recovered from your high.

“I’m yours, Osamu,” you said, closing your eyes as you basked against the bed, wanting nothing more than to curl up against him, bury yourself in the warmth of another body. 

He smiled against your cheeks, lips flushed and bruised. “I know you are,” he said to you only, before pulling away. You shivered, but opened your eyes, and he’d already held the gun out to you, presenting it as an offering. “That’s why you’ll be the one to kill him.”

It took you all of ten seconds to remember who him was, and that the man who had borne witness to your most intimate moments with Dazai had not disappeared and was still gawking at you from the corner of the room.

“What?” you asked stupidly, your jaw falling open.

“You heard me.” Dazai pressed the pistol into your palm, curling your fingers around the handle. It was like ice against your hot body, and though it’d been years since your first time firing such a weapon, you suddenly felt like you were there again, uncertain, and afraid of the dangerous firearm. “Kill him.”

You stared at Chuuya, the honest man who, even despite his rough exterior, had been there for you since you were kids. You remembered how the three of you had been so close, for such a long time, until Dazai had gone and killed Mori and fucked it all up.

It felt wrong. The entire situation was wrong, and it never should’ve come to this.

“It’s Chuuya,” you said with tired eyes, something in your voice pleading and desperate.  

Dazai shrugged, holding you close against him as you struggled to sit up in the bed. Your muscles ached and you were still so sensitive, but reality was coming back to you. This was all a mess, and you wanted so badly to feel shame at everything you had done, but you were trying so hard just to–

“You’d think I’d let him live after what he did?”

“Osamu.” You weren’t sure you could bear it. You’d always sworn to kill whatever adversary Dazai and the Port Mafia faced, but Chuuya would always be an exception. You wanted him in your life as much as you wanted Dazai, someone you could trust without fail, who would listen to you complain even when it hurt him. “I won’t do it. He’s my friend. I thought he was yours too.”

Dark eyes full of disdain met your own, and he pinched your jaw once more, a mixture of devastating anger. “I can’t allow a traitor to live. I’ll kill him if you won’t. Then, I’ll kill you. Then myself.”

You shoved him away, suddenly wishing you weren’t so exposed, on display in the middle of the room. “Then fucking do it already, Dazai. What are you waiting for?” A tear broke free from your eye, and you wiped it furiously, not giving him a chance to mock you.

“Stop.” Chuuya finally spoke, his voice drawing your attention like a commandment, and you fell silent, refocusing on him as he bowed before you, dropping to his knees. Eyes locked onto your own without a single fear, cruel acceptance surrounding dark pupils. “It’s alright. I deserve to die. I’ve broken your trust, boss. I might as well be a traitor to the Mafia.” He swallowed, though he was unwavering. “I don’t want to live with this feeling any longer.”

“Don’t say that.” you spat, hating that such a strong man was giving himself over, exposing every weary weakness that he’d come to carry. “You don’t mean it.”

“I do.” He sighed, straightening his spine as he leaned forward towards your hand, much as you had done before, and you realized that this was such a sick, twisted change of fate. That the affection you’d always doubted was real after all, but Chuuya was still left playing the fool.

Perhaps, you were of the same vein, wanting desperately to die in the heavenly hand of the one you loved most. You could understand him for that. You could grant him one final wish.

“Do you regret any of it?” Dazai asked, as the wheels in your head spun, the decision dawning upon you, handed over from the ancient tragedies, rival even to the gloomy romances of Shakespeare.

Chuuya shifted towards the other man, looking into his cold, distant eyes. “No,” he said honestly, his jaw set. “I don’t regret it because now I know she’ll never love me. She’s all yours Dazai. Always has been. Always will be. Does that satisfy you?”

There wasn’t an ounce of fury in his expression when Dazai smiled back.

“You heard him,” Dazai said, lifting your limp arm by the elbow, pointing it like a skilled tutor. The gun was on Chuuya’s forehead, between his eyebrows, and your finger was on the trigger. Dazai’s whisper was like the Devil on your shoulder, and you were falling fast, your last shred of morality burnt from papery resolve. His hand supported your weakened muscles, guiding you along like you’d never before committed such an act. “You’re an assassin, aren’t you?”

You stiffened, narrowing your eyes before cocking the gun, mustering up the last bit of strength you had left. Chuuya couldn’t have looked more prepared for death, and you basked in Dazai’s prideful smile as he branded it into the crook of your neck.

“You’re certain?” you said to Chuuya, once more, hand no longer shaking despite your guilt.

The man, nothing more than a victim, nodded, and he had the audacity to smile, to look peaceful about his release from this life.

“I’m sorry, Chuuya. You shouldn’t have to bear the weight of my sin.” “It’s mine to carry, just as it is yours,” he scoffed, eyes hard with resolve. “Of all the things that would land me in Hell, I hardly believe this is the worst.”

You nodded, regrettably, and took a steely breath, erasing the heat the stung behind your eyes.

Then, you pulled the trigger. You waited for Chuuya’s brains to stain your floors, for the remnants of his skull to shatter all across the wall behind him. For the life to slowly drain from his stunningly bright eyes, leaving you with nothing but a corpse that would rot away wherever Dazai chose to toss his body.

Though, none of those things happened, and you stared at each other with fierce incredulity, knowing that you’d unwillingly become puppets in Dazai’s dramatic play, a show put on for no one’s entertainment but his own.

You’d been completely senseless, an idiot, really. The gun had felt lighter than usual, and you’d ignored it, even when you should’ve known it housed no bullets.

“Dazai?” you said in a low voice, dangerously, twisting to look at him from over your shoulder. An anger you’d never felt before had bubbled up inside of you, your heart thundering with a fierceness you hadn’t realized was a part of you. “There’s no bullets.”

“Obviously,” he scoffed, taking the gun away like it was but a toy, throwing it onto the armchair in the corner. “I’d never kill the strongest ability-user in the Mafia. You both should know me better by now.”

You scowled, the ugly expression marring your face, and Dazai frowned, leaning forward to appease you. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You played me for a fool. Was all of this an act?” you cried, wondering if maybe Dazai had been lying this entire time. Maybe all those sweet words he said had never been true, and you had fallen for them anyway, like the mindless pawn you were.

“Which part?” Dazai asked, but you could tell that he knew what answer you sought, what lies you wanted to unveil.

“You know which part,” you said, moving away from him, not sure what emotion to grant control. You felt an intense amount of fury, misery, and pity for yourself, who’d never asked Dazai for anything but to be on your side, and he still couldn’t give you that. “Fuck you, Dazai.”

Your lip quivered, but if you’d begun to cry, shame would swallow you up and drown you in the dark abyss of misery. You would have no other choice but to throw yourself out the window, where everyone in the Port Mafia could bear witness to all the ways that Dazai had ruined you.

“Boss—”

Chuuya’s sentence was cut off sharply.

You’d tried to climb out of the bed, but Dazai had grabbed your wrist, stopping you before you could escape from him once and for all. Though he spoke to Chuuya, his eyes were hard on you, never leaving the set he stared into as you swallowed over and over, trying to think of anything but the sick feeling in your chest.

“You can leave now, Chuuya. Consider this your lucky day.” His voice was icy, threatening, and though Chuuya lingered a moment before climbing to his feet, he spared you nothing but a small glance in return.

You inhaled, then exhaled, trying to stop the simmering of blood within your veins, feeling the heavy weight of his hand on your wrist. As you sat there in silence, waiting for him to be the one to break it, you started to wonder how much of this was really Dazai’s fault, and how much you were the one to blame.

“It was a test.” Dazai tried to bring your attention back to him, letting only a fragment of emotion drain into his voice, though it was enough to slowly, slowly pique your fascination once more. “That was all.”

You wet your lips, though your tongue was just as papery. “So none of it was real.”

“What do you mean?” Dazai came to sit in front of you, his skin pale in the dark lighting, and you could see the cracks in his facade, and maybe this splinter in your failing relationship would slowly begin to heal itself. “Everything I said was very much real.”

His soft fingertips traveled up your arm, curling around your shoulder, across your collarbone, before settling in that delicate space between your jaw and your ear. There was a starry look in his eyes, the twin pair that had been exposed.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” you said, scrunching your face in remorse, wanting to slither away from him, even as he drew you closer, close enough to smell the expensive cologne he wore, the liquor that he favored when you were away. His hair had been freshly washed, and the smell of shampoo still lingered, even under the thin layer of sweat.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” Dazai countered, the hurt not veiled in the slightest this time, and it didn’t take a genius to know what he was talking about. Heat flooded to your cheeks, and you were looking away, wondering why he was pulling you close to his chest when he should be hating you with the passion of a thousand fiends. “How could I trust you after that?”

You parted your lips to speak, but your jaw was locked, and the inside of your mouth tasted like cotton.

“I’m not a good man,” Dazai said, kissing the shell of your ear, your temple, and you squeezed your eyes shut, clinging to his bicep. “You’ve always known this. Yet, for as often as you talk about me with disgust dripping from your words, I’ve never sought to bring you pain.” He breathed in deeply, and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how much longer it’d be before you wept. “You’ve caused me pain.”

You tried to cry out, to tell him that you never thought it would hurt him, but he’d seen the very same in you, hadn’t he? You’d never given him any indication that the coldness in his words was bothering you, that the blurred lines of your relationship were getting confusing and hurtful, and he had done the same.

“We’re not good for each other, Osamu,” you whispered quietly, your lip quivering. The weight of your voice shattered against your vocal cords.

He let out a breathy laugh, smiling against your forehead. “On the contrary, I think we’re the perfect fit.”

For what reason he believed that, you weren’t sure.

You clenched your jaw tight, but it didn’t stop the feeling of tears from overwhelming you, hot droplets that spilled heavy from your eyes, running off your chin to Dazai’s chest. Your hands shook, clenched around his arms so tightly you were sure you were breaking the skin.

Dazai pulled away, monitoring your face with concern. You hated the way he looked at you with such pity when he was the reason for such pain. Yet, you couldn’t help but curl into him, warm, never wanting to escape from his reverence. “Why are you crying, my sweet angel?”

Nausea soured your mouth, and the regret that tinged you, tainted you, was vastly overwhelming. It was horrible in a way that you’d never felt.

It struck you, then, that you’d been blind to Dazai��s every affection, too ignorant to notice the ways that they had shifted as his life did. He no longer held your hand over the table during meetings, but the chair beside his was just as grandiose, and he greeted you with something of a smile when you walked into each room. He no longer accompanied you on assignments, but you were always taken care of, in a hotel most people couldn’t afford with a partner that could singlehandedly take out a hundred men. He no longer picked you flowers from a wild field as he’d done as a boy, but the vase on the table always held a beautiful bouquet of deep, red roses, without a single wilting flower.  

Chuuya, all this time, all these years had been right. There was no use in loving Dazai if you couldn’t stand him in his darkest hour, the bitter ugly side of him that no one wanted to see.

You’d never thought about it, really, but you’d changed just as he had. Everyone in the Mafia had blood on their hands, was ruined in more ways than one, and you were no exception. If loving Dazai meant loving those parts of him, then loving you meant just the same.

The tears fell harder, and Dazai seemed panicked, stricken, always so oblivious when it came to the affairs of your heart, and sometimes he tried, but you couldn’t hate him if he didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” you said pitifully, knowing from the spoiled heart in your very chest had ruined everything. “I’m sorry.” You said it again and again until Dazai was shushing you, running a large, cool palm down your back, the only way he knew to soothe you.

“I wish I’d never done it. I wish I’d just spoken to you, asked you, anything—” you wiped your face, heavy breaths stuttering before Dazai took your hands away, and erased the tears for you. “I just thought you hated me. It was the only thing that made sense.”

Dazai smiled sadly, because no one had taught him to love. How was he to know that he’d been doing it wrong all this time. “I wish I’d seen it before. I didn’t mean to push you away.” He sighed, dropping his head to your shoulder with a weariness that he’d been born with. “I’m sorry.”

A tingling sensation began under your skin, and you were warm all over, realizing just how much that apology had meant to you. For some reason, it felt like coming home.

The strong grip that nostalgia had on you gradually began to melt away.

#chuuya x you #dazai x you #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #bsd x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #chuuya nakahara x you #osamu dazai x you #chuuya x fem!reader #dazai x fem reader #bsd chuuya #nakahara chuuya #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #chuuya x reader x dazai #bsd smut #dazai smut #chuuya smut #osamu dazai smut #chuuya nakahara smut #rylie writes ₊˚🎧

[delfiore]

—I'LL NEVER WIN YOUR HEART.

pairing: alexia putellas x reader

synopsis: aside from endless hatred and devastating love, you don’t know anything else when it comes to alexia.

word count: 2k

tw: aNGST, spicy stuff, enemies to lovers to ……….?

a/n: wow has it really been a month since i last posted that's insane (i'm not being sarcastic i'm actually so shook at how fast time passes).

now playing:

Her eyebrows narrowed. Her jaw clenched. Her eyes lasered in like a hawk.

Even from across the club, several of your teammates knew to get the hell out of her way when she made a beeline towards you.

Alexia was scary when she was angry. There was an untouchable force to her that made one cower under her steely gaze. You used to feel the effect of it, once upon a time, but recently it was almost a weekly occurrence that she would direct her hardened gaze at you.

And now, as she fixed that deathly glare onto you, you felt your arm being yanked just as you were about to kiss the beautiful stranger you met mere minutes ago.

“What the fuck, Alexia!” Admittedly, you were buzzed, and any obstruction to your enjoyment would irritate you.

“Come with me,” she gritted her teeth.

“No! Let me go!”

She tugged on your arm and dragged you away despite your protests. The bathroom at the back of this club was filthy, and the door barely did anything to block out the thumping music outside, but Alexia pushed you into one of the stalls anyway, caging you in between her arms on either side of your head.

You had half a heart to slap her across the face when she shoved you against the divider and kissed you like a barbarian, lips and teeth clashing against one another in a heated mess. She had no right to do this, but her entitlement made it so you were trapped in her grasp again.

The worst part was that you enjoyed it, very much, especially when she went on her knees to do what she always did best.

It happened not too dissimilar to how it started. Your frustration mixed with her only ensured you both collided in the most spectacular way. You remembered arguing with her after a horrible game, both of you throwing blame at each other. It happened so quickly, that before you knew it, your hatred had turned to lust. Hatefucking, as one might call it. Suddenly, all you could think about each day was how much you hated Alexia and couldn't wait to fall into bed with her.

“You can’t just do that and pretend like nothing happened.”

Your words came out rushed as you were still trying to catch your breath. Alexia exited the stall and went to wash her hands, doing so with a frustrating nonchalance.

She met your gaze in the mirror. “Can’t I?”

You scoffed. “Why do I bother? La Reina never gets off her high horse, does she? You’ve never respected me, ever.”

“That’s not true.” Her eyes flickered, and you thought you could see unspoken words behind them.

“Then what was that earlier?” You asked, irritated.

“I should ask you the same question,” she said firmly. “I thought we were fine. And now I see you grinding on some girl at the club? I mean—what is this, Y/N?”

It was always like that with Alexia, and if she didn’t say what she wanted to say, then you couldn’t help her.

“It’s not like you care,” you gritted your teeth. “I hope you had fun with Olga, by the way.”

Now it was her turn to scoff. “She’s my friend.”

“She was also your ex.”

“Can’t I be friends with my ex? And who are you to tell me who I should and shouldn’t hang out with?”

She was right. You had no place in her life to be telling her that. It was purely your desire, or a lack thereof, to hold a special place in her heart, but maybe you were foolish to wish for it when there has been so much history between you.

You chewed on your bottom lip, a habit you had since you were young. You suddenly felt the bathroom walls closing in on you—you needed to get out of there quickly.

Wordlessly, you shoved past her and returned to the club, the music once again deafening and pumping in your chest. You expelled a breath; the cute stranger was nowhere to be seen, and neither were Patri and Pina, with whom you came. That’s fine, there was an entire nightclub’s worth of people. You would find at least one person who would make you forget how much you despised Alexia and—maybe for the night—how much you loved her.

The story could have gone so differently. You two were similar in age, grew within the ranks of the Spanish youth teams together, then played at Barcelona together. You both played in midfield and younger players looked to you for guidance and leadership. Yet, it was known among your teammates that the two of you couldn’t stand to be in the same room. Ever since you were young, your similar play styles and clashing personalities ensured that you always butt heads on the field, and eventually, off it too. You grew up with this hatred of Alexia, as she did of you, but you could barely remember why. You were brazen and Alexia was cold, and that never worked for either of you.

It seemed she had had enough of your attitude one day, and shoved you so hard in training you thought you might have sprained an ankle. Some of the other girls noticed her distaste for you and started to distance themselves to gain favor with her. Then, Alexia became the best player in Spain, and you were always in her shadow. The media called you her ‘healthy rivalry’, even when you played for the same club. If you didn’t hate her as much as you did, they all ensured that you would never be able to get along ever again.

There was a memory that you buried deep inside, but it would easily surface again on nights like this. It made you question everything you’ve felt for Alexia, this thorn in your side that has never let you know peace

It was the summer of 2012 at a Spain U-19 camp. You had barely gotten any sleep the night before you came because it was your first call-up to represent your country. Alexia, of course, had become a familiar face in the team by the time you arrived. She wasn’t seen at breakfast one morning, and a coach said that she was dealing with personal matters. What you didn’t anticipate was finding her sitting alone by the steps of an entrance bawling her eyes out. You had tried to retreat, but Alexia had looked up before you could go.

“S-Sorry, I’ll just—”

“Mi papá . . .” Her voice was quiet like she didn’t want you to hear. Then, she burst into tears again. You had never seen Alexia like this, so distraught and vulnerable. The friends she liked to keep around were nowhere to be seen either. She never liked to appear weak in front of others.

Against your better judgment, you approached and sat next to her. “What happened?”

Exhaling shakily, she answered. “He was very sick. I just got the call from my mom.”

Your mouth hung open, unable to form words. As Alexia smeared her tears away with the back of her sleeve, she suddenly appeared younger and unlike the captain that you’ve come to know her. She was just a girl, who’d had something terrible happen to her, and you would be the biggest jerk not to push whatever you had between you aside.

“I’m sorry,” you only managed to say.

She said nothing and rested her face on the inside of her elbows.

“I’m sure he was very proud of you.”

“Please don’t say anything,” she breathed out, making you wince.

“Okay.”

Alexia sniffled. “I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Okay,” you nodded slightly. You didn’t like talking about your feelings either. It was the first thing you found Alexia and you had in common.

You started to feel sick. Your head spun like you had just stepped out of a washing machine, but still, you reached for the passing bartender who looked at you with patronizing eyes.

“Another.”

“Y/N, that’s enough.”

You pushed her hand away, mentally cursing at her interruption.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m gonna have to explain to Jona why you’re still shitfaced at training tomorrow.”

“Fuck. Off. I don’t fucking care.”

Then, you heard her say something she had never said to you before. “Please. Let’s go home.”

The truth was, you never wanted to protest her. Maybe the years have softened you, but you didn’t want to admit how much you craved her affection. There were times when you despised her and thought her the lowest form of a human being.

“Please don’t do this,” you pleaded. You felt your heart hammering in your chest, as you watched her frantically spring out of bed.

“I—uh, have to go. I’m meeting someone for lunch.” She replied, reaching for her pants strewn across the floor.

“Ale, I’m sorry . . .” You managed a pathetic whimper, tears threatening to fall. “Can we just pretend I never said anything?”

How is it that she had made you feel so euphoric merely moments later, and now you felt like you had hit rock bottom? Only because those stupid words slipped out of your mouth.

. . . But was it such a crime to tell her that you loved her, when it was your truth?

You learned the hard way that Alexia didn’t want what you wanted. Maybe it was just her, or maybe it was you, and she didn’t want anything to do with you. If that were true, you were foolish to think for even a second that she would. You never gave her much to like anyway.

But still, you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t have any feelings for her. But aside from endless hatred and devastating love, you don’t know anything else when it comes to Alexia.

She had brought you back to your apartment, supporting you by holding you close and guiding you inside gradually.

The moment you hit the mattress, you groaned at the snugness of your own bed. Your eyes were barely open, but you saw the way she pulled your shoes off your feet and coaxed you to sit up so she could shed your outer coat.

But that was it. She was afraid to help you further, as it would resurface emotions Alexia thought should be buried, emotions that reminded her of sleepless nights and passion.

“Why are you so quick to get away from me?” You mumbled into your pillow.

You heard her sigh. “I brought you home, didn’t I?”

“Am I really that detestable that you wouldn’t even look at me?”

Her eyes met yours, but unlike earlier in the night, they now held a softness. “You know I don’t hate you. I never did.”

“Then stay.” You whispered, your head still spinning, but all you could focus on was her. “Stay with me. Please, we won’t do anything. I just don’t want to be alone.”

You didn’t care that you were begging her. You were tired of being pulled from end to end, and it was so much easier to love than to hate her.

You thought she would laugh in your face, pack her things and leave. Yet, when you opened your eyes again, she was lying in bed next to you, under the cover and all. She had changed into your clothes, so much more time had passed than you had thought.

“Go to sleep. We have training tomorrow,” Alexia whispered, her lips brushing your forehead softly.

You obliged, nuzzling your head into her chest as you let the comfort of her embrace lull you to sleep. You were too tired to fight it, to tell her no, that you would talk to her seriously about the two of you, even if you were drunk. It wasn’t the first time you had fallen for Alexia’s lies; all the other times, she left you in the dirt after giving you her everything for you to pick up the pieces yourself.

You hated her because you loved her. But maybe this is enough, you thought before sleep took over, just for tonight.

Maybe tomorrow will be different.

#alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas imagines #alexia putellas angst #alexia putellas #woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagines #woso angst #Spotify

[2kiran]

“ 𝐊 𝐈 𝐋 𝐋 𝐒 𝐇 𝐎 𝐓 ”

pairing keegan p. russ x you genre smut reader is a male. dom!reader x sub!keegan cw uppercase typing. enemy reader. gun kink. facefucking. humiliation. handjob.

you’ve never expected that keegan, out of all people, would be into that.

Keegan P. Russ, a well-respected Sergeant and Scout Sniper of the Ghosts. He lived up to his title, his experience on the battlefield providing him positive support throughout his years in the military. A man of many things. Strong and intelligent. Never one to step out of line.

Keegan P. Russ, a man who was proficient in his work field. He was intimidating. Never one to cower in face of missions. He was suited for a respectable leader. His strength and accomplishments gaining praise from higher and lower ranks alike. The air around his presence of an authority’s.

Keegan P. Russ, an embarrassed man who was currently on his knees. The expression of shame on his face hidden by his signature mask. The same one that was once drenched in multiple enemy combatants’ blood now concealing the creeping warmth on his cheeks.

“Don’t tell me you’re backing out.”

He huffed in annoyance at your teasing words. “I’m not.” He wanted to. He really did. This was humiliating, both to his pride and to his reputation. He’d rather fucking die than to be caught in this predicament because of you. “Are you sure?” You leaned back, resting against the couch.

“I mean, I’m not saying that you can’t handle this. But don’t you feel a little conscious?” You shrugged, not waiting for a response, “Not even for your reputation?” A hint of a smirk playing on your lips as you watched his growing anger in the form of his balled fists. It was amusing to see the Keegan P. Russ crumble in need. Even worse, for his enemy.

“Shut the fuck up.” He gritted his teeth.

“Or what?” His hand flew to grab the gun in your hand, but you quickly slapped it away. “Nice try.” It wasn’t a compliment. A sarcastic response to get under his skin further. He knows you enough to realize that you weren’t going to allow him to forget this unfolding situation. There was a high chance he was going to regret this, but he wanted to indulge his fantasies of with you, at least for a little while.

He shouldn’t be down on his knees, on a dirty old carpet, in an abandoned safe house. Especially not with you, a man who’s attempted to kill him and his team several times. Not to mention that you’re the same man who has been wanted by him the police for months.

Wanted in which way, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he wanted — no, that’s not quite right — needed you right now.

“Get it over with.”

You sighed, “You’re so impatient.” Taking out the magazine, you inspected the amount of bullets inside before returning it to the chamber. Switching off the safety, you pointed it at him. His breath hitched, the muzzle centered to his forehead. You were right; he was impatient. It didn’t help that you were mere seconds away from giving him what he wants.

“Your mask,” You reminded, softly, “Can you take it off for me?” He let out a huff, like he was going to decline but his hand rose. Unsure gloved fingers dipped underneath his shirt, the digits meeting fabric as he pulled it off of his head. There he was. Identity bare for someone who shouldn’t see the real him. As soon as the balaclava was on the floor, you trailed the muzzle down his face. He tensed, eyes wide. “What are you—?”

Quickly, his lips bumped against the front sight and you pushed it inside. He instinctively swallowed around the barrel, the taste and wide intrusion leading him to gag slightly.

“Mffh- mmhf? Mhg...” He attempted, even though the gun prevented him to properly speak.

You didn’t take it out, sliding it in further. Focus intent on the way he struggled to sit still and adjust. He shifted his position in discomfort, thighs rubbing against each other to try to soothe the ache in between his legs. His body was betraying him, cock growing hard inside the confines of his pants. He could easily stop you, but he didn’t want to. He was willingly submitting.

The sound of your tongue clicking snapped him out of his short daze, “Poor baby,” you shook your head in mock disappointment. “You’re not even afraid to have your head blown off?” It was a rhetorical question, not that he was going to answer. The letters he learned were turning into complete mush. “I would’ve done this with you sooner if I knew that you were so willing to just... take it.”

Saliva built in his mouth, trickling out of the corner. He was fucking drooling. “You’re better like this.”

He shook his head the best he could. “No?” You chuckled, drawing the gun back. “C’mon. Use your words.” His gaze hardened, but his body was a traitor to his emotions. A glare set in his eyes yet he had a tent in his pants and a blush on his cheeks. Hips rutting into nothing.

“I’m not—”

You shove it back in.

“Not what?”

Deity forgive him, he didn’t know if he hated that fact about you. Unbearable — that’s what he uses to describe you. Unbearable and cruel. A know-it-all. He could never tell you that. Not with the gun harshly pushing back and forth in his mouth, at least.

It was downright sinful.

Sinful, with the sounds that his throat was making. The muzzle poking at the back. He shouldn’t have a loaded firearm on his tongue. Not with you, a criminal that should be locked behind bars, treating it like it was your cock. Your treatment was rough, giving him little to no time to breathe. It felt uncomfortable, but so disgustingly good at the same time. This was your gun. The aftermath will have him lingering on your mind.

He shouldn’t want to be on your mind.

But he just can’t help it. He does have self-control, but you seem to simply take it away. He nearly smiles at the thought of you trying to come up with an excuse to why your gun was wet at the edges, maybe you’d forget to clean it, maybe you don’t even want to. Unknowingly, his hand wandered up to your belt. Shaky fingers took it off, achingly slow.

He finally pulled down your pants. A moan slipping into the muzzle as he wished that it was you in his mouth instead. But he had to wait. He wrapped his hand around the base, stroking it in a lazy manner. His eyes were hazy, throat for sure sore, and sweat on his skin. You bucked your hips into his palm, watching as he gags on your gun. Suddenly, a loud moan erupted from him, muffled. A wet patch forming on the crotch of his pants.

Fucking hell. You pant, currently in disbelief —

“Did you just cum?”

𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

#𝑨ZTOBER.23 #— azrael.worksᵎᵎ #.🕸️ ݁ ˖ corrupted.khan 𖦹 #kinktober 2023 #kinktober #call of duty #keegan p russ #keegan russ #keegan p russ x reader #cod keegan #dom male reader #dom reader #male reader #sub character #sub cod #call of duty keegan #keegan x reader #keegan russ x reader #cod ghosts #cod mw x reader #mw2 2022 #mw2 fanfic #cod mw2 #cod mwii #cod smut #modern warfare fanfiction #modern warfare ii

[oizysian]

My Wanda | Wanda Maximoff

Pairing: Dark!Mafia Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader Warnings: brief mention of murder, anal play, tears, cold Wanda Word Count: 2k Genre: smut Summary: Y/N just wants Wanda’s love again.

AN: I’m not very good writing dark characters so she’s not very dark, I’m sorry! I tried my best.

• Kinktober Masterlist •

I knew the Maximoff twins long before Wanda was in any sort of position of power. I knew them back when they were working for whoever would give them a chance. He was a thief and she was a conman - and they were both exceptional at what they did.

When they started their own mini empire, working for themselves and making their own connections, another budding family in New York caught wind and tried to put an end to them and their ambitious new family.

Pietro, Wanda’s twin brother was killed one night while he was out on a job - a job that Wanda later found out was a hit and Pietro had been set up. I comforted her the night she found out about her brother, her only living blood in this world. That’s when she became serious about the business. She changed that night, her eyes not holding the same spark as they used to, her smile never really reaching her eyes anymore.

She took solace in me, and slowly I fell in love with her. We became lovers, but nothing more on Wanda’s end, as she felt it was too dangerous to get close to anyone ever again.

She quickly found respect once she found out who killed her brother, and took her time killing them in return, torturing them and giving them the pain she had felt tenfold.

She came home that night covered in blood and that was the first time I had seen her cry since Pietro’s death. I washed her as she sobbed, mourning her brother and her innocence.

She had two men that would do anything for her, that would lay down and die for her if she so asked them to. Their names were Dimitri and Leo, two boys she had known in the orphanage back in Sokovia and took under her wing when she and Pietro started their own family. They helped her murder the man that killed her brother and they stayed by her side, no matter what.

Dimitri and Leo were loyal, like guard dogs, and she made sure they were also loyal to me. I felt uncomfortable having one, or both of them, following me as I went shopping or if I just went out for a walk, but Wanda demanded it. She wouldn’t allow someone else to be taken from her.

Even though she wouldn’t commit to me, she would never look at another person the way she looked at me. I knew she loved me, but she was afraid, and I loved her enough to know that and be patient with her.

But the more power she gained, the more hardened she became. I had to remind myself constantly that she loved me, even when she fucked me. She became rough with me, almost callous, using my body simply for her own pleasure.

“My beautiful malyshka,” she purred as she thrusted her strap deeper into my mouth. “You take my cock so well.”

I held back tears, bobbing my head up and down her long, thick shaft. She had my hair wrapped in her fist as she pulled me down into her length. I nearly gagged as I took it to the hilt, doing anything and everything to please her.

I knew she got off on the power she had over me, and to be honest, I also got off on the immense amount of power she had. To an extent, I enjoyed being used by her, but afterwards I just wanted to be treated sweetly, kindly, and with love.

She pulled me off of her cock, my spit trailing from my tongue to the tip, my eyes glistening with unshed tears as she tilted my head up to look at her.

She was completely naked in front of me, save for the strap secured tightly around her hips, and I was mesmerized by the sight of her.

Her brown locks fell past her shoulders, barely brushing along the top of her perfect breasts, her thick lips parted ever so slightly, her green eyes, deep and dark, stared down at me, and her hands, adorned with silver rings, gripped at me as she helped me up from my kneeling position.

“Detka,” she whispered as she ran her hands along my hips, my skin forming goosebumps at her touch. “You know how hard work has been lately.” I nodded, knowing she had stayed up late nights trying to solve problems or help people instead of sleeping. “I need to just … use you. Okay? Just for tonight.”

My eyes were round like saucers as she turned me around, my back pressed against her front, her cock pushing into my ass and her lips on my neck. I almost gave in immediately at the feel of her against me, holding me against her and her teeth gently digging into my sensitive flesh.

I let out a moan as she pushed us towards the bed, my hands going out to catch myself as we landed on the soft mattress, her weight pressing me down.

Her hips moved against my own and I gripped at the sheets below me, my body trembling with need. She raised herself up off of me and spread my cheeks, letting the silicone dick slip between them as she rutted against me.

“W-Wanda,” I whimpered softly, turning my head to look at her. “What -”

“Shh, malyshka, shh.” I trusted her, but sometimes she was unpredictable and that made me nervous. “I’m gonna take good care of you.”

My heart fluttered in my chest at her words as she thrust herself against me, her fingers digging into my hips. She pulled me up to meet her thrusts and I pushed myself up on my elbows so I could grind my hips into hers.

“Oh, malyshka,” she cooed, “You’re being such a good girl for me.”

I bit my lip as she slid the cock down between my legs, letting the tip hit my clit.

I let out a whimpering cry as she slid into me, my cunt milking her desperately as she began fucking me. I could feel her eyes burning into me, watching me as I took every inch of her.

“You’re perfect - fuck - look at that pussy.”

“Wanda …” I moaned, blushing furiously when I realized she was admiring me so intimately.

The squelching sound of my pussy taking her strap was loud in the quiet room, the only other sound was the squeaking of the bed as she pounded into me.

She slapped my ass roughly and I pressed my face into the bed sheets, stifling my cries as she continued to spank me.

“I want to hear you,” she said, her accent thick. “I want to hear you crying for me.”

She smacked me again and I jerked, my hands balled up into fists to try and control my emotions.

“Did you hear me?” Her hand came down on my ass hard and I cried out, my pussy throbbing and my body aching.

“Yes, ma’am!” I cried, my tears falling onto the sheets below me.

“Again.” She demanded with another slap.

“Yes, ma’am!”

She admired my reddened cheeks, smiling as she heard me crying softly beneath her. She knew I loved it; I loved being treated like this.

She pulled out of me, leaving me wanting as she flipped me over onto my back. I hissed as my ass met the cool bed sheets and she hummed at the sound. She took hold of the cock and slapped it against my aching cunt, my whole body jerking towards her at the feel.

“So sensitive. Are you close, detka?”

I nodded and she smiled down at me, reaching up to pinch one of my nipples between her talented fingers.

I cried out softly, my hands on either side of my head, knowing very well that she loved when I showed my submission to her like that. I wouldn’t touch her or myself unless I had her permission to.

She tugged and twisted my nipple until it was red with abuse, then brought her head down and sucked the other one into her mouth, her teeth scraping along my hardened bud roughly.

I could feel myself getting closer and closer to release with everything she did to me. If only she would touch my pussy …

She bit down into my nipple and I cried out, my body pressing up into hers. She lifted her head up, a string of saliva hanging from her lips, and smiled at me.

“We need to get these beautiful nipples pierced.” She brought her hand up to my wet breast and slapped it. “Imagine how sensitive you’ll be then.”

I shuddered, my mind beginning to get fuzzy at her words. I’d let her do whatever she wanted to me. She dressed me, she fed me, she fucked me, I was hers to do with as she pleased.

She licked her lips and propped herself up, gripping the cock between her legs and rubbing it along my puffy slit, my wetness spreading all along my thighs.

“What a mess you made.” She hummed softly. “I’ll have to clean you up when I’m done with you.”

I could feel my legs trembling as she slid the cock towards my hole, slight panic setting in when I realized she intended to fuck my ass.

“Relax,” she said as she inched it in, my whole body tensing as she forced herself into my ass. “Relax.”

“W-Wanda,” I whimpered. “I can’t …”

“You will.” She grunted as she continued to slide her slippery cock inside of me.

It felt like fire as she slid, at least half of it, in and out of my ass. I grabbed at the sheets, my jaw falling slack as it started to feel somewhat good. It still hurt, but Wanda managed to make anything feel pleasurable after a while.

She reached her free hand down to play with my clit and my eyes fell shut at the feel, my climax approaching rapidly.

“I’m gonna cum inside your ass.” She groaned, her hips jerking as her hand moved to the base of the cock, ready to squeeze the balls to squirt her cum into me.

I came at her words, at her touch, at the feel of her inside me, and suddenly she let the cock spurt its cum into me, heightening my high. I cried out softly, my hips rising to meet her thrusts as she fucked the cum into my ass.

She leaned down towards me, wrapping her free hand around my throat and looked into my eyes as she continued to fuck me. She squeezed slightly and I couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of my airway being constricted. If she killed me now, I wouldn’t mind. I would still love her more than words could ever say.

Her hand slid from the cock to my clit and I tensed underneath her, my whole body humming with arousal.

“Give me one more, malyshka, just one more.”

I felt myself cumming again, white hot pleasure washing over me as I clenched around nothing.

“God, I wish I had a cock so I could feel this tight pussy squeeze the cum right out of me.”

I whimpered softly as two of her fingers slid into me, feeling my walls clench around her.

“Yes, just like that,” she mused softly, thrusting her fingers into me gently. “So fucking tight.”

“Wanda,” I whispered. “Kiss me.”

She looked into my eyes and for a brief moment I could see her love for me in them, but then they darkened and she pulled away from me.

“Get cleaned up and get dressed.” She said as she stood from the bed, unhooking the strap from around her hips. “I’ve got a meeting in an hour and I need you to stay out of sight.”

I sighed, rubbing my face with my hands as I held back tears. She could fuck me like she hated me, but she couldn’t even show me that she loved me in private.

“Do you understand?” She asked and I nodded.

“Yes.” I whispered sadly.

She loved me, but she couldn’t be in love with me. She could be sweet and gentle with me sometimes, but showing any affection was off limits. Was this how it truly had to be?

I missed the days when she used to kiss me, when she used to be loving and tender with me. I miss my Wanda.

•

@natashaswife4125 @poison-blackheart @aemilia19 @claxre-bear @dorabledewdroop

#oizysian’s kinktober #wanda maximoff fanfiction #mommy wanda #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff smut #kinktober

[rinhaler]

hii!! i just read your jjk fics/drabbles and im literally in lovee ❤️_❤️ i was wondering if you could write barou or ryusei from bl with a crybaby/bratty virgin sister .. and they non con her into behaving !!

I LOVE Barou and as badly as I want to write him one day, I'm picking Ryusei this time. I feel like Barou drinks his respects women juice so I can't imagine him doing this 😭😭 Ryusei however...

warnings: 18+ MDNI, fem!reader, noncon, reader is drunk, step/incest (not specified), praise, petnames (baby), readers pussy described as chubby :3, fingering, clit rubbing, vaginal sex, creampie.

words: 1.1k

“Who are you trying to impress?” Ryusei asks, looking you up and down as you prepare to leave your bedroom. Your friend is waiting for you, she’s taking you to meet up with your other friends so you can go and see a movie together. You tell him as much, though he looks at you sceptically.

You aren’t about to tell him there might be guys there, too.

“Change your skirt.” he commands, tugging it down. He’s a little taken aback when he feels you slap his hand away. He doesn’t comment on it though. “I don’t like this, either.” he tells you as he tugs at your tube top.

“Why not? It’s cute!” you tell him, moving away from him to check yourself out in the mirror again. It’s simple, white, with a pair of cherries embroidered in the centre.

“I can see your nipples.” he informs you, tugging it down until your tits bounce free.

“Hey!” you yelp, pulling it back up and protecting your modesty once again. You flush with heat, feeling nothing but shame and embarrassment knowing that your brother has now seen you, however briefly, in such an indecent state.

“Why are you being shy, now?” he asks. “I can still see ‘em poking through. Y’don’t care about guys seeing you like this?” he wonders. And you shake your head. “Get changed.”

“No!” you argue. “Leave me alone, my friends’re waiting for me!”

You barge by him and rush out of your room. He doesn’t get a chance to argue with you anymore before you’ve already ran down the stairs and out of the door to the safety of your friends car. He watches the two of you drive away, a glimmer of malice in his eye.

--

When you return home late, and drunk, he can’t say he’s surprised. He knew you were downplaying what your plans actually were. Getting hammered under the guise of a movie. Maybe the day started that way, maybe you didn’t know what was going to follow afterwards.

But he knew you’d be home late, especially in a little outfit like that.

“Who did you fuck?” he asks, coldly, switching on the pink, fuzzy lamp on your side table like a camp supervillain. It scares you, so much so that you jump at the sound of his voice booming throughout the room. Your heart is too busy pounding to notice how hard he’s trying to conceal the smirk on his face.

“Move, Ryu.” you groan, pushing him on your bed so that you can get under the duvet beside him. “’m drunk ‘n tired.”

He grabs the lower half of your face and forces you to look at him. Your heart beats rapidly as you see anger flame behind pretty pink hues. You’ve never seen him like this before. Not with you, anyway.

“I asked you a question.” he reminds you, his forehead presses against yours as he waits for you to answer. You aren’t sure what he wants you to say. You didn’t fuck anyone. But you worry he’ll take your answer as nought but a lie.

“R-Ryusei…” you whimper. “’m a virgin.” you confess, that very same feeling of humiliation washing over you that you had felt earlier in the day. You aren’t sure why your virgin status makes you feel so ashamed. Maybe because you know you’re the only one of your friends who hasn’t done it yet. Maybe it’s because you know Ryusei fucks a lot, you’ve met countless one night stands he’s brought home after hours that you can’t help but feel sorry for.

Instead of ridiculing you, though, he groans in satisfaction. His eyes roll back into his head as your words replay in your head.

“Good girl,” he praises you. Your eyes widen as he captures your lips with his own and he kisses you deeply. “You’re still mine.”

“W-What…” you trip over your words. “What are you doing?”

“Baby, today was too close a call,” he whispers, kissing you again. “Almost lost you today ‘cause you wouldn’t fucking listen to me.” he continues, his hand travels down your sternum and cups your chubby cunt. Delight fills him as he feels how divinely sticky your panties are.

He moves them aside, wasting no time plunging his fingers into your tight heat. You hiss, you sob as you feel his thick, heavy fingers stretch your virgin hole open for the first time.

“Ryu, s-stop!” you cry, “You’re my brother! ‘n it h-hurts…” you whimper, but he doesn’t care.

You wince as he continues pummelling his fingers into your aching hole, slow and deep. His. He watches you throw your head back in ecstasy as he stimulates your clit with his thumb. He feels him self growing harder and harder, watching you wrestle with the guilt of enjoying the touch of your big brother.

“Ryusei, p-please, stop…” you beg, but he won’t listen.

“You don’t mean that.” he tells you. He’s your big brother, he knows best. And better still, he knows what he wants. How can he expect you to behave and listen to him if he stops now. He pulls his hand away from your slippery flesh, tasting them briefly before shoving his fingers into your mouth. You dare not argue as he looks at you with a determination you only see when you attend his football games. So you suck, beautifully. “Good girl… wanna know something?”

You nod, humming sweetly as you continue to suck and lick his fingers clean.

“Don’t care if it hurts… don’t care if you don’t want it.” he warns you, spreading your legs apart as he climbs in between them. He lines his cock up with your twitching hole, teasing your entrance with his tip. He pushes in and out, softly, barely pressing in at all before he finishes talking. “Your little cunt needs to know who she belongs too.”

And with that, he bullies his cock into you. All of the way to the hilt until he’s snuggled inside of your warm wet walls. He holds your face and doesn’t let you look away as he destroys your virgin cunt. His thick cock batters against your sweet spot repeatedly and he can’t allow you to look away from what he’s doing to you.

Despite your whining, despite your protests.

He wants to see how your face contorts as you’re despoiled by your big brother.

You hate how he rubs your clit so exquisitely, so celestially, while he jackhammers his length into you. He cums with a strained moan and you hate that he somehow forces you to do the same.

Your once pure slot now wholly impure, stained with your elder brother’s sperm as he ejaculates rope after rope into your tremoring walls. And despite being so rough, so uncaring, he gifts you with a romantic, soft kiss.

“Don’t defy me again,” he warns you. “You’re not a virgin anymore, I’ll be rougher with you next time.”

© 2023 rinhaler

#💌 — luxe mail #📨 — requests #bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock imagines #blue lock x reader #shidou ryusei #ryusei shidou #ryusei shidou x reader #shidou ryusei x reader #blue lock smut #shidou ryusei smut #ryusei shidou smut #bllk smut #bllk x fem!reader #tw virginity loss #tw noncon #tw alcohol consumption #tw stepcest #tw:incest

[prncessjaeger]

nothing in return ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

ღ sypnosis: where do you go when your bf sucks? here’s the answer: your best friends face!

ღ an: heard this and my fingers just began typing (but i really don’t like it now…oh well!) also cheater!reader x bsf!eren.

ღ cw: cheating ( don’t cheat irl, it’s not cute!!), smut, face riding, slight fingers, oral (f!recieving), your bf sucks!! and i think that’s it.

knocking on eren’s door, tears steady ran down your face, and when he opened it seeing your somber state, he pulled you in his arms, “what happened?”

“my boyfriend..he- he was just…so mean and so…ugh!” eren sat you down on his bed, handing you a soft tissue to wipe your eyes, “what did he do?”

“he wanted to hang out right? so i said ‘yeah okay!’ cause we haven’t did hung out in a while and literally after like 20 minutes he wanted to have sex…at first i didn’t want to, but then i gave in cause we haven’t t did it in a while…but he kept like- made it seem like and feel it was for him and his needs, like my wants or my needs didn’t matter,” eren’s fist balled up and you could feel him tensing up in anger beside you, “so i just got up and left and here we are…i feel dirty, can i- uh, can i shower here?”

“yeah, yeah, i’ll grab you some clothes…” since you’ve been here plenty of times, you went to his shower and left eren in his room, who was currently pissed.

he felt like ever since you’ve been in a relationship with that dickhead, you’ve become…distant. and while yeah he respected your relationship of course, he still missed the hangouts you two would always have, such as the late night drives to god knows where, random roadtrips out of town, hotboxing in his car…

…and overall he missed his bestfriend.

he heard the shower creaked off and your wet footsteps splat across his floor as you walked out the bathroom towards eren, standing in-front of him-only in your pink towel, “where are the clothes?” eren stared deeply at your figure: from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes and he thought you looked breathtaking in your shower glow, and you notice his eyes flickering everywhere but your face.

the more he silently admired your body, the more hot and bothered you were becoming. you looked directly into his eyes, biting your nails in nervousness, “the…the clothes eren?”

“the what?”

“clothes for tonight? i thought you were gonna give me…some…” you trailed off, seeing him stand up towering over your frame. your face heats up and you look down at your feet in embarrassment, hearing him chuckle, “they were in the bathroom?”

“oh! shit i must didn’t see them, my bad..” you backed away slow, running in the bathroom seeing the garments dead smack in your face, “how the fuck did i not see them.” scoffing in astonishment you put the clothes on: a tee and some shorts, with fuzzy socks “remember y/n, you have a boyfriend, a loving boyfriend.”

you walked back out, repeating that same mantra in your head which faded out once you stood right back in front of eren, seeing him once again unashamedly staring right at your tits. he noticed pierced with a cute pink bow nipple ring, “when did you get those?”

“uhh..2 months ago- they’re still sensitive though , hah,” eren massaged your left nipple, “uhh…why’re you..?” hearing sounds of shshes coming from eren’s mouth and a finger over his lips. he’s other hand went to your right tit, massaging it roughly and your felt pleasure fill your body, “e-eren. we shouldn’t be doing this you know…i have-

“a man? a man who doesn’t even give two shits about you.” he pulled your waist down to his laps, letting you straddle him, “but me? i would never leave you unsatisfied,” his words whispered on your lips, the both of you’ve yet to pull away, wondering who was gonna pull the first (well second) move.

he smirked seeing your appalled face now forming into a small grin, enjoying his massages, one has move your chin to look down at him, connecting your lips in a soft kiss.

“remember the times we used to…kiss like this, hmm?” he mumbled on your lips, seeing that look in your eye as you remembered the time you’d make out with him in the backseat of his car, for hours…

“but eren we…really shouldn’t be doing this,” he felt your breath on his lip and chuckled, “yeah, we really…really shouldn’t…

“f-fuck, just like that…” and now here you were, moving your hips in a rhythmic motion against erens mouth had you seeing stars. the silent vibrations from your phone going ignored by the both of you, too lost in the pleasure to notice it.

eren looked up at you through his hooded eyes, seeing one hand holding your tits up, and the other held on to the top of the bed rail tightly. your lips making an “o” shape once his tongue poked slightly inside your warm, wet pussy. muffled moans from his mouth vibrated against you and you bit your bottom lip harshly, holding back a long drastic high pitched moan.

eren sat you up some to catch a small breath, only to plop you right back down rubbing his tongue in various motions against your clit and carefully inserted two fingers inside your core simultaneously, and you felt like couldn’t hold it in anymore. “e-erennn i can’t take it, please-,”

your pleas and whimpers fell short on deaf ears, eren still not letting up off you, he was sure to make sure you felt satisfied, “c’mom baby, keep riding,” he stuck his tongue out laid flat and helped you moved your hips against it, that numbing feeling you’ve always felt starting to become more apparent.

your stomach burned in pleasure, your legs and thighs were aching, and yet eren couldn’t stop licking and slurping up your slick, your disgruntled moans were high pitched once you felt reached fhat tipping point, squirting all over his face…

…and yet eren didn’t stop.

in fact he kept making out with your sloppy cunt enjoyably, and and it seemed like you’d both be at it all night…

meanwhile your actual boyfriend, who was still salty you left him blue-balled, was steady blowing up your phone with calls and texts wondering where you, and checked your location…

only to see your red dot erens house. he wondered why you were there so late at night, so he drove over there, and once he arrived he saw two shadowed figures clearly fucking from a the huge window and saw your cute small honda accord out in the driveway.

he dialed your number again and again and again, going straight to voicemail and sighed in his hands, deciding to end the relationship over one measly text, and when eren saw the said text he chuckled, mumbling in you ear:

“now i can keep you to myself…”

ღ an: ooh lord…idk if imma ever write smut again this was STRESSFUL!!

#eren x reader #aot x y/n #eren x black fem!reader #aot smut #prncessfics ⋆ ˚｡⋆ #eren jaeger x reader #smut #eren yeager #eren smut #you cheat but it’s okay!! #aot x black reader #eren aot #attack on titan #aot fanfiction #eren x black reader #aot x black y/n #aot x reader #eren yaeger x reader

[actuallysaiyan]

Kinktober Day 29: Daddy and Breeding(Am I good enough for you?)

warnings/kinks: smut, mentions of drinking, daddy kink, breeding, unprotected sex, oral sex(fem receiving) word count: 1.1k pairings: Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader teaser: Kento smirks, “I always meant to start a family…with you.” taglist: @beneathstarryskies @loki-love @witchofcustom. @dreadsuitsamus. @pyrofanatic

Losing Nanami was the worst thought you could ever imagine. But when he told you that he was leaving the sorcerer's life to try and salvage what normalcy he could, you were absolutely crushed. He was the man you loved the most, and though you utterly respected him, you wondered if he was making a huge mistake with leaving you and everything else behind.

After a few years, you did as you could to find a routine and to lead your life without your lover. Your feelings were still hurt and you were very much tender, but being able to train the newest batch of sorcerers made you proud. You were a good teacher and you found happiness by showing them the ropes.

You just never expected to be able to love again. Kento was your one and only, and you often thought about him. You even tried to track him down a few times, but you had to convince yourself otherwise. It would only lead to heartbreak.

The only thing that changed everything was when he returned to this life and to you. You were busy helping Gojo train his team and you took a liking to young Yuji. But you weren’t expecting the love of your life to be training the same young sorcerer.

You swore your heart stopped when you saw Kento for the first time in years. He was even more beautiful than the last time. Behind his glasses, you saw just how tired he was. Yet his eyes seemed to twinkle when he saw you again.

“Didn’t think you were coming back,” you say to him, a soft smile on your face.

Kento smiles back, “Didn’t feel like I had much of a choice to come back. Satoru has been on my ass for so long about this.”

It doesn’t take long for the flame to be rekindled. Days upon days of spending time together gets you both reacquainted with one another. Kento is just as sweet and selfless as he’s always been. He’s falling in love with you even more now than he was back then. Now it’s different too. You’re both adults, both grown up…now is his chance to make a difference.

One night, he invites you over to his place. You happily accept, hoping to spend a little more alone time with your former lover. Once inside his apartment, you’re not at all surprised to find it so furnished in such a fancy way. He’s always been one to enjoy the classier things in life.

“I guess being a salaryman has been good to you,” you tease him softly.

He smirks as he passes you a glass of wine, “Yeah, it has. But it was difficult without someone to come home to.”

You two fall silent, unsure of where to take this conversation. He guides you to the couch and he begins putting on a record. It’s your favorite album. A soft smile spreads on your face. Kento sits next to you and you both begin to reminisce on the times before all of this.

“We were so young then…” Kento says, a smile on his face.

You laugh, “Yeah we were.”

You look into his eyes and all the things that made you so crazy for him come flooding back to you. You want to kiss him, but you’re so scared. You’re so worried he’ll reject you. Maybe he’s found a lover this time. You’d be left behind.

“There was always something I meant to do, but I never got a chance to.”

You cock an eyebrow, “What’s that?”

Kento smirks, “I always meant to start a family…with you.”

You barely have any time to consider his words before he’s kissing you with passion and love. His hands cup your face, pulling you closer. The two of you have so much left unsaid, but this kiss is all that’s needed to convey those emotions.

Kento is so quick to guide you into the bedroom, undressing you with haste. He needs to taste you and touch you and fuck you. He continues giving you those head-spinning and heart-stopping kisses. He picks you up, making you gasp at his strength.

“You’ve gotten a lot stronger,” you comment, your eyes glazed over with lust.

Kento laughs, “Oh there’s more to me that has changed since the last time you saw me.”

He throws you gently onto the bed, and quickly he crawls onto you. You pull him in for a fiery kiss, your tongues rolling together in such ecstasy. You tangle your fingers into his hair, pulling him even closer.

Once Kento has you both undressed, you swear you’ve never felt so aroused in your life. He looks into your eyes before he begins kissing down your body. He grunts when he spreads your legs and gets an eyeful of your perfect little cunt. He’s been waiting much too long for this moment.

The moment his tongue presses against your folds, you know you’re done for. You’ll never be able to love again. He’s the only person you’ll want for the rest of your existence. Kento feels exactly the same way about you.

He laps at you like a starved man, his expertise for the sexual act very apparent with each move he does. It’s like he knows how to work your body, and you squirm and writhe beneath him in utter ecstasy. He’s good to bring you to your peak almost three times before you’re begging him to fuck you.

“Yeah? Does my pretty little baby need daddy to fill her up?”

Your heart skips a beat. You never knew him to be so filthy like this. You nod your head frantically, hoping you’re able to convey just how needy you are for him.

“No,” Kento says before kissing you. “Need to hear it, baby. Need to hear it from your pretty lips.”

You moan, “Daddy, please…fill me up.”

He spreads your thighs even wider, and he teases you with the head of his thick cock. You’ve most definitely never had a lover as large as Kento. He’s the perfect man for you. A soft gasp escapes your lips as he slowly pushes into you, making you both begin panting once he’s bottoming out.

“I love you so much,” Kento pants as he begins to fuck you. “I shouldn’t have left you.”

You hush him gently, “It’s okay. You’re here with me now, daddy.”

Kento pulls your thighs up to his chest, placing your ankles on his shoulders. In this position, he’s reaching so deep inside of you. Kento looks deeply into your eyes.

“Gonna breed you so good,” he grunts. “You’re not leaving this room until you are pregnant.”

#bacon.writes #Nanami x you #Nanami x reader #nanami kento x you #Nanami kento x reader #kento Nanami x you #kento Nanami x reader #Nanami smut #kento smut #jjk x you #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #kinktober 2023

[pinkaditty]

Hi, hi!

I loved your perverted obey me brothers and you catching them with your underwear. Will you make a part 2 with the other dateables?

If not, no worries!!

I love your work and I hope you have a nice day!

anon. did u know that ur my first ask? did u know that anon? ily. i've been thinking abt this ask since i saw i first got it. i never knew getting an ask could be so euphoric.

anyways

Pervert (Obey Me: Shall We Date) Part 2!

summary: you are suspecting that someone is stealing your underwear. it will go missing and randomly reappear like it was never gone. you pretend not to notice, but set a little trap for the culprit… and catch them red handed.

a/n: folks. wow. i did not expect part 1 to be soso popular omg!! ily guys thanks so much for enjoying my stuff waaaah! sorry this second part took so fucking long man so much shit happened. like sooo much im so tired. anyways. here. this part includes the royals, angel, and human. ill be back with the others (thirteen, mephisto, and raphael) soon! they may be slightly ooc bc im unfamiliar with them but ill do my best! also im like literally praying that the characters i wrote here aren't ooc. I tried SO hard please lmk if they are. <;/3

content warning: as usual fem!mc unless you like to imagine yours as a crossdresser (mc's physical attributes are not mentioned but fem undergarments are), and suggestive nsfw content! lmk if there's anything i missed :(

read part 1 here!

AS USUAL MINORS DNI PLEASE! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY! THANK YOU!

Intro:

For a short while, you had been reassigned to stay at Purgatory Hall/The Demon Lord’s Castle/wherever else the Dateables are due to Satan having accidentally destroyed your section of the House of Lamentation. No big deal, but all of the brothers were less than happy to see you go. It’s okay, though. You’ll be fine among the others…

The story is the same, of course. You think someone has been nicking your intimates in their spare time. Which is, of course, strange but simultaneously exciting. 

You decide to set a trap to find out who they are, leaving your hamper full of clothes in the washroom before leaving to grab some scent beads. When you return, as expected, you can hear someone rifling through your intimates, but it’s not rushed. Rather, it’s calm and calculated, as though said person was desperate to not be heard. You decide to wait outside the door for them. Once they collect the spoils of their work, they quietly slip through the door, only to find you leaning against the wall outside, looking at them expectantly. Your arms are crossed and you’re tapping your fingers on your arm. You raise an eyebrow at them, stifling the urge to cackle at their panicked expression.

“Explain yourself, pervert.” 

Diavolo:

You know, simultaneously, you expected him and didn’t expect him at all - at the same time. It wasn’t exactly a secret that Dia was fascinated with humans, especially with you, but… To such lengths? Really? If only Barbatos could see him now. 

For a man that loves to talk… He sure is speechless now.

He’s frozen. The panicked expression remains on his face, his eyes flickering from the surrounding hallways and walls to you, to the floor, and back to the hallways. If there was a way out, he couldn’t find it. Before long, he deflated, resigning to looking down, a pitiful pout on his face. You got the feeling it was partially for show, though.

He whimpered like a hurt puppy before muttering a very formal apology. Keeping his head down, he held out the panties towards you. As you watch him, you realize this man has probably rarely ever felt shame before. It's almost entertaining - watching his eyes spin as he tries to adjust to feeling this way. Though he tries to hide it, you can hear his heaving breaths from here. He was ashamed. You could tell he wasn't ashamed for his actions; rather, he was ashamed because he was caught.

The thought makes you want to laugh, and you do, snatching the panties from his waiting hand. He looks up as you laugh, confused, his lips in a soft pout. His eyes almost look teary, as though he's that sad that you're laughing at him. You stifle your laughter with a hand and wave it off, walking past him into the laundry room to put your panties back in the hamper. Once your laughter dies out, you don't face him, but you do speak to him, knowing he is listening.

"Dia, the next time you find yourself fascinated with me, you can just ask. I'll be happy to spare a worn pair for your sake." 

You hear a surprised gasp, a shuffling of feet, and a relieved exhale. You turn to him, finally, to see him bowing his head in thanks. He's biting his lip and his face is bright red. Probably too embarrassed to make eye contact. He covers his mouth with his hand, muffling his words before speaking.

"Thank you, MC, for letting this slide… And please, don't tell Barbatos…" His face burns red at his final words, and you smile, amused.

"Don't worry, I won't tell." You wink at him before returning to your laundry, hearing his hesitant steps as he walked away.

Barbatos:

He's frozen. Mortified. He stands there, rooted to the spot like a statue of stone. He stammers out your name in surprise, nervously shifting his gaze from you to your surroundings. He clears his throat, holding a hand up to his lips, and keeps it there, as though attempting to hide his growing blush. "I-I deeply apologize, MC. I should not have been here… You were not meant to see me… " He sounds out of breath, his words light and mumbled.

He turns away from you at an angle, shutting his eyes tight and keeping his hand in front of his face. You watch him take deep breaths and attempt to steady himself and regain his composure. You had to admit, watching him fumble through such an embarrassment was awfully entertaining. His chest visibly rose and fell with each audible breath. He gently teetered on his feet, as though he could fall over if he couldn't keep up. What a sight to behold, Barbatos at a loss for words and composure. 

You approach him quietly, walking slowly to prevent the click of your shoes from being heard. You know that while he can't hear you, he can feel you, and he knows you're close. He shuffles backwards shyly, attempting to replace the distance you remove with every step. Ultimately, however, he is too slow, and you manage to get close enough to him, cornering him against a wall inside the laundry room. You make no effort to cage him in, but simply watch as he continues to attempt to get ahold of himself. He swallows thickly and slowly opens his eyes, calming down. He lowers his hand back to his side, and looks at you levelly, his expression still embarrassed but not mortified any longer. You smile, raising an eyebrow.

"I'd like my panties now, thanks." You hold out a hand expectantly, and Barbatos obliges, pulling the panties from his coat pocket and placing them in your waiting hand, all signs of embarrassment gone from his face, replaced by his trademark smile instead. His ears however, were a dead giveaway, as the tips of them remained red. You simply chuckle and lean away from him, humming in thanks and placing them back into the hamper. He moves to assist you with your clothes, and does so efficiently, though you watch him carefully to ensure his nimble fingers don’t grab hold of anything else without your permission. When the task is finished, he bows respectfully.

“Is there anything else I can assist you with, MC?” 

You shake your head, smiling. “No, but thank you, Barbatos.”

With that done, his ears still burning red and his smile faltering slightly, he moves to leave. You stop him, grabbing his arm as he passes you. He looks back at you curiously, embarrassment still painted on his face. “And, please, ask me next time.” You smile, your eyes filling with mirth. “I’d be happy to give you a pair later as thanks for your assistance.”

He swallows thickly and his eyes widen. He bites his lip before nodding, thanking you briskly, and walking away hurriedly, his face red.

You think you see a flash of lace in his back pocket as he leaves, but maybe you’re imagining it...

Simeon:

Now, this was a surprise. The angel? Really?

He yelps in surprise, fumbling with the panties and dropping them on the ground, hiding his face in his hands and backing into a wall. He’s visibly shaking, his hands trembling as he hides behind them, not even peeking out to observe your reaction. His knees wobbled and he began to shrink in on himself, eventually kneeling on the floor. You watch him wordlessly, amused. He’s unexpectedly quite dramatic. 

After a few moments, you hear him mumbling to himself. Confused, you tentatively approach him, listening carefully. You catch little bits of what he’s saying before kneeling down, to which he shrinks further and his mumbling speed increases. Then it hits you. He’s… praying.

He’s literally fucking praying. 

You are so thoroughly amused at this that you want to laugh, but you wonder if being a victim of the wrath of Simeon or the almighty was worth it, so you decide against it. You stifle and disguise your laugh as clearing your throat, doing a comically loud “Ahem” to get Simeon’s attention.

Not one to be disobedient, he stops his muttering and slowly lifts his head to look at you. You smile smugly at him, your eyes narrowing with mirth. You reach out towards him and gently touch his chin. He flinches, but doesn’t pull away, looking between your fingers and your face curiously. You hold his chin and lift it upwards, and he follows your movements, adjusting himself so it’s easier to peer upwards at you. You smile wider, even more amused than before. 

“I don’t think that’ll work down here, Simeon.” Your voice is low and taunting, and Simeon gulps, his eyes still not leaving yours. He still doesn’t say anything, merely trembles, as though he were being judged.

Maybe he was, a little bit, but favorably so. It’s not everyday you’d find an angel ballsy enough to do this, right?

You tut at him, clicking your tongue and shaking your head disapprovingly. “Oh, Simeon…” You put on a fake pout, looking at him with pity in your eyes. “Don’t you know better than to do this?”

“Ugh…” Simeon bites his lip. His eyebrows furrow and his mouth creases downwards into a pathetic expression. You continued to stifle your laughter by biting the inside of your cheek. However, you are ultimately unsuccessful and end up bursting into an amused smile and a few breathy chuckles at him. 

When your laughter dies down, you look at him, still holding his chin. “Come now, Simeon.” You smile, winking at him. “All you have to do is ask… If you‘d like another pair.”

Simeon sucks in a breath in shock, and his eyes widen as he looks at you. He suddenly scrambles to his feet, straightening up, his head still bent forward in embarrassment. 

“I-I’m sorry, MC! It won’t happen again!” He swiftly walks past you, not looking at you and barely opening his eyes enough to see, narrowly missing the wall in his rush to leave. You listen to his retreating footsteps and only laugh. Maybe you’d drop by his room later and give him a gift.

Solomon: 

Shameless. But he’s old and barely human. He’s also the worst.

He doesn’t react much besides his initial panicked reaction, which soon melts into mirth, a smug smile appearing on his face. He’s confident, but not that confident. His exaggerated smug smile twitches at the corners and his face remains flushed a deep red. He dramatically clears his throat and smiles coyly, the picture of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. “Ah…” He starts, shrugging his shoulders, still smiling, the corners of his lips still twitching. His voice shakes just slightly. “You got me!”

Your face can’t seem to decide if it wants to fall into a disappointed expression at his brazen admission or burst into a fit of laughter at his obvious fear. Instead, it seems to settle on a pitying smirk, and you have to stop it from turning into a full on grin. You sigh and shake your head, not super surprised. 

You approach him, and he visibly stiffens, but his arrogance forces him to stay in place, his confidence crumbling at your certainty. When you stand just in front of him, you hold out your hand, a smug look on your face. “I’ve got you indeed! Hand them over.” Your words are quick and terse, smug smile and knowing look still on your face. Solomon swallows, and looks to the side, gently dropping the panties into your hands. He makes no move to look at you again after that, still facing you but looking away. 

You scoff as you watch him simply stand there. You find it amusing, but you are also dissatisfied at his lack of retorts. You put your hands on your hips and smirk, attempting to provoke him. “Hm. I’d expect a panty thief to be more ballsy. What, cat got your tongue?” Your smug smile only grows and your eyes narrow with mirth. His confidence almost seems to fully crumble under your gaze, and he relents, his blush spreading all across his face. Yet still, he remains silent.

You approach further, your steps slow and deliberately intimidating. He’s rooted to the spot, unable to move, still frantically finding anything to gaze at instead of you. Eventually you stand mere centimeters from him, your body just barely touching his. You smirk at him and lean your head forward, blowing on him before pulling back. He flinches immediately, startled, and bumps into the wall behind him. You giggle at him, thoroughly amused at his frantic nerves. He looks at you pathetically, lips red from worrying at them with his teeth, pupils blown wide, red blush from his forehead to his neck. 

“Aw, don’t look at me like that~!” You tease him, pressing your finger into his cheek. He watches you warily, seemingly at a loss for words. Your lips pull into a wicked smile. “How long has it been, hm?”

Immediately his eyes widen and he stammers out some indignant words, trying to deflect and explain himself. You only laugh at his stammered words, and he eventually stops, worrying at his lips again with his teeth. “Oh, don’t worry, I imagine you have plenty of escapades. But why couldn’t you just ask me?” You tilt your head at him, looking at him with hooded eyes. “Hm? It couldn’t have been that hard to just ask.”

Surprisingly, he only sighs and shakes his head, blush still present. “My dear apprentice, I am only human. Even I still don’t know how to properly act in the face of attraction.” A small, wobbly smile pulls at his lips before he purses his lips again, biting down to stifle any further words. His answer was straightforward, but you can tell he is still nervous. His breathing remains heavy, his eyes are still wide, and he’s still covered in a crimson blush. You laugh again.

Instead of teasing him further, though you really want to, you smile. “Well, now you know. Simply ask, Solomon. I am willing to help you… if you want me to.” You smile before turning away, dropping the panties into your clothes hamper, and starting the wash. It takes Solomon a moment to snap out of it and leave, but he does. You could feel his eyes on you and his magic still lingers in the air.

a/n: *super saiyan yells* thank you for reading waaaaaah! i did my best and im soso sorry if any of these characs are ooc... if they are too ooc i might actually rewrite it fr im so scared :(

anyways as usual feedback is always appreciated, and so are comments, likes, reblogs and asks! (especially asks) please show me your appreciation! i love to know i've done a good job.

@ikevampharem asked to be tagged :3!

#obey me shall we date #obey me smut #obey me nightbringer #omswd #omnb #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me #obey me swd #obey me mc #obey me diavolo x reader #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me simeon x reader #obey me solomon x reader #obey me diavolo x mc #obey me barbatos x mc #obey me simeon x mc #obey me solomon x mc

[mlmxreader]

Big Boy | König x m!reader

Anonymous asked: Ooohhh König with a short boyfriend? Someone jokingly asks about the height difference and his bf says “I have to climb him like a damn tree every time I want a kiss, it’s annoying.” And König’s like “you can ask me to bend down, you know.” “Nah, you’re my personal jungle gym.”

summary: König loves his pilot boyfriend, even if he is a bit of a pain.

tws: swearing, smoking

König was a lot taller than you, and although you did love him ever so dearly, you had to admit: it could be a pain in the backside and a half to be physically affectionate sometimes. But you made it work, and although some of your fellow pilots in the RAF did tease you for it, it was all in good nature and was not anything other than banter.

Often, when you were off of work for a while König would come home with only one thing in mind: cuddling you; he loved how you seemed to fit so well in his embrace, your head on his chest as he laid a large hand between your shoulders and an arm around your waist while some old song by Sodom or Slayer played quietly, too tired and worn out to talk, too overwhelmed with seeing you at last to even consider opening his mouth, he always kissed you too much for that.

But his favourite thing by far was when he would come to the air field; he loved to watch you land your plane - the Red Kite - while Perveen, Bashar, Pahwa and Cohen landed behind - their planes being the Golden Eagle, Peregrine Falcon, Red Tailed Hawk and Bearded Vulture respectively. What made König love it so much though was not the planes themselves or how they were painted to look like the birds they were named after, but it was how you reacted to seeing him stood on the tarmac.

Without fail, he would bring a thermos of your favourite coffee and would have two cigarettes ready to be smoked; when you first became his boyfriend, you said once that you loved a coffee and a smoke when you landed, and König never forgot.

He was dressed down as he stood on the tarmac, a camo print hoodie in dark green and trousers of the same, but sporting a bright orange beanie hat. If he remembered correctly, you had gotten that hat for him for his birthday as a present a few months after you first started dating, the thought of which made him smile as he felt the rain gently tap, a warning that it was about to start pouring.

Although it was going to be awful, the weather was actually on König's side, as it had meant an early return for the pilots who had been out on a training exercise, it meant his boyfriend would return early.

He watched the Red Kite eagerly, and when it came to a full stop and you climbed out, he grinned.

"Ah, fuck! Shit! Shit! Fucking shit! Why'd it have to fucking rain right as I fucking-" your little rant of complaints came to a halt when you saw König.

A grin spread across your features, and you quickly made your way towards him, running until you crashed right into his body, pressing your face against him as you tightly held onto him. "Hi, Maus."

König eagerly returned the embrace as he smiled. "Hallo, mein geliebter... bist du gut?"

You nodded. "Now I got you, yeah... ich bin sehr gut... und du?"

"Ich bin super," he admitted, unable to stop grinning as he held you tightly. "Wie war dein Flug?"

You shrugged. "Okay... fuck, I missed you."

He gently pulled back, and when you jumped into his arms to kiss him, he couldn't help but to laugh softly; kissing you back eagerly before he gently set you down again, resting his forearm on your head.

"Hey, (y/n)!" Parveen called, grinning from ear to ear. "How'd you kiss him?"

You shrugged, waiting for him to get closer before you dared to answer, "how'd you think? I have to climb him like a damn tree every time I want a kiss, it's annoying as fuck, mate."

König looked down at you for a moment, his brows furrowing. "You can ask me to bend down, you know, Bärchen."

Gently, you tapped his stomach as you shook your head. "Nah, you're my personal jungle gym... besides, it's like a positive reinforcement thing."

He cocked his brow, trying not to smile as he let his hand slip to your shoulders, resting between them as he slowly moved his thumb up and down, letting you lean into him. "You could still ask me to Kuss you."

"I'd rather not," you shook your head, licking your lips as you smiled. "It's more fun this way."

"Why don't you just punch him in the stomach?" Perveen jokingly asked. "That'll make him bend down."

König glared at the Squadron Leader. "Don't encourage him, bitte."

You were about to open your mouth, let off some smart ass comment, when König shoved his hand into his pocket, and gave you a cigarette and a lighter; he bent down, picked up the thermos, and held it out for you, doing his best not to smile when you eagerly lit up your cigarette and held it between your lips as you opened the thermos and let the stench of coffee hit you.

Sure, you could be a pain, you could be a nightmare, but König adored you, and he honestly couldn't wait until he had you back home; he couldn't wait to feel you in his embrace and to hold you so tightly, bouncing on his heels slightly as he waited for you to smoke your cigarette and drink your coffee. He knew you loved and needed it.

if you liked this fic, REBLOG IT - you SHOULD reblog it; spam likers WILL be blocked. as will blogs that refuse to reblog or to give feedback. if you don't wanna reblog, then you'll get blocked; reblogging is the BARE MINIMUM. don't just "like", REBLOG

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[eunoiathewriter]

I love your Xavier Thorpe writings! And I would love to request Xavier with a fem Delinquent reader where they never really got along or really saw eye to eye (opposite attract type of thing) until one day he finds her behind his art shed after getting into a fist fight with some students that were trash talking him and she admits her feelings and feels dumb for fighting due to not feeling good enough for him but needed to defend him.

Sorry if that’s a lot! And I hope it’s easy to understand!

X. THORPE X F!READER

Sypnosis: It's not the first time she does anything about some idiots saying something, but this time he gets to know something she never knew how to express.

Word Count: 5.6k

"Are you done?" She stood herself up, awaiting an answer from the boy, who had rolled onto his back and stared up at her.

y/n breathed hard while keeping intense eye contact with the boy, Mateo, hoping that he would decide he had enough so she could leave. She had barely taken notice of her bruised knuckles or the scratches on them; not even the burning sensation on them made her break the stare she held with Mateo.

Mateo averted his eyes from hers and looked around at the crowd that had formed in the quad. Swallowing hard, his jaw hurt, and for a good reason, yet he clenched it hard. Reaching up and wiping away some blood under his nose, Mateo slowly sat himself up.

"Are you going to answer me or just sit there?" At the moment, the people around them were just blurry figures that she had no interest in caring about.

"What do you want me to say? I only told the truth, and you know it." His voice was smug as he looked up at her, keeping a hand under his nose and letting the blood simply run down onto it. 

She was about to throw another punch at the boy when she was cut off by the sound of a teacher, the one thing she did not need right now. She knew it would be followed by being dragged to Weem, and she would simply tell y/n to sit down in one of the chairs. Every time it was the same. Every time she was asked what had made her do what she did, she would simply tell Weems that she got irritated.

It did, however, always seem as though the woman in charge at Nevermore knew there was a deeper reason for why she got into fights but never could figure out why. 

Whirling her head around to see which direction the teacher, most likely Mrs. Thornhill, would come from, she realised just how many people were standing around. It had been stupid to pick a fight in the quad, but oh well, it was too late to change what had been done.

"You're fucked, l/n." Mateo sneered at her from where he still sat on the ground, earning a cold stare before y/n turned and finally saw where she could easily run away.

Swiftly, y/n turned towards where she could easily leave school and not be there when the teacher came, and without hesitation, she started to push past people in the crowd. Some of them did not care to let her through, but y/n were persistent in making her way out of there.

Right before she could get much further, she felt a very light tug on her arm, yet one that made her stop. "y/n." 

It was Enid; her face carried worry as she looked at her friend, whose face was blue and purple, or at least on her cheek. The blond's brows were furrowed in panic, and her grip on y/n's wrist tightened just a little more as if to keep her there, an unasked question of why she had done it in the air.

"Let me go, Enid." She spoke sternly and tried to tug her arm back so she could leave easily; she did not want the lecture from Mrs. Thornhill now. 

"y/n, what..?" Ajax's confused voice caused her to turn her head once more and find the gorgon there, along with him—Xavier Thorpe.

For a moment, her eyes stayed focused on Xavier, whose brows were furrowed. Why did he care? He was the one who declared them rivals when she first started at Nevermore. Yet she had somehow fallen for the idiot. 

The crowd dispersed as she turned her head away, and people returned to their respective tasks. Mateo had his friends help him stand up, and she was currently glaring daggers her way; the blood from his nose had dried. 

"Miss l/n." It was the booming voice of Mrs. Thornhill that made all four students turn their heads her way, as she had spotted them.

y/n's eyes widened as she quickly moved to pry Enid's strong hand off her. Luckily for her, the werewolf girl had let her hands around her wrists slack a little, which made it easy to get them off of her. Dashing for the exit into the woods, she did not look back, which cost her the chance to see Xavier look at her with a puzzled expression. 

The only thing she could hear while running out of the school was Mrs. Thornhill calling out her name several times, as well as Enid shouting for her to come back, but to no avail.

——

The sky had given up on holding in the rain as it poured down, drenching her clothes where she sat. Her hair had become more and more damp as all she wore was her uniform with the school blazer on top. y/n could feel her feet grow cold from the wetness that had drenched them. 

Her back hurt a bit from the roughness of the bark from the tree she was sitting against, staring at the old shed that, to her knowledge, was empty. She had to readjust herself to make her back hurt less, refusing to go back just yet because she enjoyed the time alone before being lectured.

For whatever reason, she could never understand herself. She had her reasons for every fight she got into, and this one with Mateo had been the first one for quite a while; the last one was in Jericho, and in that one too, she had a good reason for fighting. It was all stupid, really. Why did she have to have a soft spot for him in her heart when he clearly only saw her as competition, all because they were both able to do the same thing. 

When something wet suddenly dripped from her nose, out of confusion, y/n brought her hand up to her nose to brush it off but was instead met by the sight of red being mixed with the light rain. The collar of her white shirt had a drop of red on it. So now her nose has decided to bleed—after about fifteen minutes since the fight ended. She could spot even more red drip from her nose and could not even care for it, just letting it mix with the water and drip down onto her shirt. 

Just as she was about to sit back and close her eyes, the sound of footsteps not far from where she sat made her eyes snap open. Sitting up from where she was curled up by the tree, her eyes scanned the area. 

When she found the source of the steps, his tall figure made it hard not to notice him (though y/n would occasionally tell Enid that he could easily melt into the background with trees because of his insane height). He was carrying an umbrella to shield himself from the rain, and without any question, he had spotted her.

She sat back down, sighing, because she didn't want to deal with a heart that beat faster just because he was there; it was very irritating. Every time a drop of water hit her face, she would blink 

"What are you doing out here?" Xavier asked as he came up closer to her. Once he was close enough, he moved the umbrella a little so it would cover her already drenched form. 

"Oh, you know, just enjoying the nice weather." Her tone was sarcastic as she just barely spared him a glance. 

He took notice of the blood dripping from her nose and how it seemed like she did not give a single care for it, destroying her uniform. "You've got.."

Xavier motioned at his own nose as if to tell her her nose was bleeding. She pulled the same face as him, telling him that she knew very well about her nosebleed and was not completely dumb. It made him look around and feel inside his coat for something to help her keep from ruining her shirt even more than it already was.

Finding that he had nothing, and receiving a bored look from the girl as she just stared up at him, Xavier grabbed the keys in his pocket and moved to open the shed without saying anything. It made y/n knit her brows together at him, only hearing a door open and then seeing a small window far up towards the roof of the shed light up. This was confusing.

Only seconds later, he came out of the shed, umbrella still in hand, as he had gotten some tissues from inside. Without saying a word, he held it out to y/n who had stood up and leaned against the tree. She hesitated for a second—just a second—before she reached out and took it from him as gently as she could. She was not even going to ask why he had keys to the shed; it was not really important to her right now. 

That was when Xavier noticed her knuckles; they were broken and slightly scratched, along with bruises from her violent punches. When he noticed himself staring at her hand, he took a quick glance up at her face before turning his gaze out into the woods. 

"What was that all about?" He asked the question before adding a bit more to clarify. "In the quad."

"Why do you care?" y/n fired back, removing the bloody tissue from her nose for a split second while being covered by him, who was holding the umbrella for them both.

"Just wondering, you know, seeing as you almost always seem to have a fight with someone." Xavier simply shrugged his shoulders.

He cared about her more than he probably showed. When she first started, he didn't know what to say to her—what did you say to a beautiful new girl? Well, if your name was Xavier Thorpe, you did not say anything at first. Because it was not until he found out that that pretty girl had the same ability as himself that Xavier said something, and it was not what he should have said.

Being so unsure of what to say, for once in his life, Xavier only said that her art was okay but not as good as his own. That was when it all started; he did not know how to get her attention any other way now, slowly making them out to be rivals when it came to their art. It was the only way he could get her attention for a few minutes a day, as y/n would throw comebacks about his own art and sarcastic compliments at him like daggers. He enjoyed when her attention was directed at him. 

"It's nothing." That was all he got for an answer before noticing how her body shook slightly from what he assumed was the cold and the fact she was completely soaked from the rain.

"There's got to be one reason at least as to why you were fighting him, and according to Enid, it has to be a very good one."

"Enid." The exasperation in her voice was clear as she finally removed the tissue from her nose once more and found that no more blood was running from her nose. 

"So what was it about that you apparently have such a good reason to fight Mateo for?" There was a hint of amusement in the way Xavier said it, as he found her attention on him, looking up at him.

"He said something about someone." y/n swallowed hard at that, refusing to say more as she didn't want to say too much and then have her secret spilled, which would surely result in her pouring her immensely frustrated heart out right there and then. 

"Who?" 

Of course—this was Xavier Thorpe, which meant he would not let it go and would try and pressure her into saying something. A common tactic of his in the classroom was when she tried to hold her tongue from saying something too harsh, but his constant nagging would always result in her shooting him an irritated glare and making a comment his way. The only thing about that was that, no matter what harsh thing she said, Xavier would always sit back with a pleased look on his face, having gotten his daily attention from her.

Rather than giving him attitude, Y/N swallowed hard and pondered how to phrase it so she wouldn't have to say his name to his face—that the fight was because of him—because that was something she would never do. Finding a way to word it in her head, she let out a sigh before turning her gaze away from the tree she had been gazing at in the distance. 

"Not that you need to know who it was about, but Mateo mentioned someone I care about... and me." His eyes never left hers at the confession that it had been about someone she cared for, but at the same time, his heart sank just a little in his chest. The way she added that Mateo too had said something about her showed him she did not want to tell him anything.

"You must care about them then, seeing as you're willing to get into a fight for them." Xavier stated, which earned him a scoff from the girl, it made his eyes immediately narrow at her quizzingly. "What?"

"I care about him, it's just that he's what Shakespeare would consider the idiot of idiot-worshippers."

Yes, that was how she felt about Xavier—he was the idiot of idiot worshippers. Everything about him screamed idiot to y/n and somehow she liked him even though he was a complete and total ass to her. 

Xavier raised his brows at her statement. He nodded to show he listened and, for once, felt happy about the fact that she was talking to him. Even though he had yet to know who that guy was, he felt a bit of warmth in his chest over the fact that she was not glaring at him. It was his favourite, when she was a bit more relaxed.

It was only when he watched her from afar with her friends that he saw the real her. Instead of seeing her annoyed face, he would be able to see her laugh and smile brightly, much different from when she was around him. But Xavier knew that it was an asshole move he had pulled to get her attention at first, and even now, a year later, he was still doing the same only because that was what she expected from him nowadays, which was why y/n now was looking at him with suspicion in her eyes. No matter how much she liked him, no matter how much her heart would beat faster in his presence, the way he acted around her now was different than she was used to. He listened and did not have that hint of amusement in his eyes that he mostly had while commenting on something. It was a different Xavier that stood before her, the boy she would see hanging around with Ajax and some of the other boys. 

"So who is he?" Xavier finally asked, breaking the silence, and his gazing at her plus y/n finally caused her to blink instead of squinting her eyes at him questioningly.

"Why should I tell you of all people?" She dabbed the tissue on her nose as the feeling of a little blood running down from her nose caught her attention, still looking up at him.

"What? Are you scared I'll make fun of you?"

"You can't; it's pretty much impossible."

"So tell me then." His voice was challenging, the same way it would be whenever he challenged her to do something competitive.

"You know what? I need to go and change before I get hypothermia." y/n quickly turned her eyes from his. "Plus, Weems is probably going to talk to me sooner or later, and I'd rather that be sooner."

"Come on—" 

"I'll see you around, I guess." y/n mumbled as she moved past Xavier, her cold and damp clothes uncomfortable as she tried to walk away as fast as she could so as not to be stopped.

Xavier had turned around when she walked past him, about to say something but realising that it was not the time. He shut his mouth and just stood there, watching her walk past him. Slowly, she was becoming less and less visible, which made him unable to see her wipe away some tears of frustration.

Frustration because she did not know what she had done to make him so mean—it was the worst word she could use to describe him. Frustration because she was not supposed to like him when he was acting in such a way towards her, and y/n did not know how to ever express what she felt. Fighting or going at someone who said something about him was the only way she could somehow show she did care.

But he was a frustrating person, and Xavier was frustrated with himself because—why did he not just talk to her when he first met her.

——

Xavier had just finished schoolwork; there was a lot this week, which made him decide to just do it all at once so he would have it out of the way. Letting out a sigh of relief over the fact that that was done, he stood up, picking up his sketchbook along with a pen. 

When he sat down and at first started off just sketching, his mind was clear as glass from any type of thought. He was just absentmindedly sketching away without even knowing what in the world he was going to sketch. In moments like this, he actually did appreciate having his own dorm; there was no one else there who would disturb his comfortable silence, so he just sat in his chair and sketched on.

Slowly, however, his thoughts began to wander, reminding him of the way y/n had looked at him. Her eyes had followed his every move, and when he moved his hand just a little, she let her eyes flicker down and then back up at him. She was certainly not afraid of making eye contact with him then, but even if she had followed everything he did, there had been a hint of frustration in her eyes. 

And then his thoughts returned to a few hours earlier, when he had returned to school from his shed, seeing her walk with Enid Beby, who was fussing over her friend. It was such a rare sight for him to ever see her smile around himself that whenever she smiled along with her friends, he took it in to remember it. All he usually got were sarcastic smiles and smirks when she had done something sly.

The peace of the atmosphere in his dorm was quickly ruined—as were his thoughts of y/n—when two people came crashing into his dorm without announcing their arrival. Their sudden entry had caused Xavier to turn his head quickly and look at them with a puzzled face.

"Have the two of you just never heard of knocking?" Xavier asked Kent and Ajax as they stood by his door, taking a glance at each other.

"Of course we have," Ajax shrugged, turning and kicking the door shut so no one else in the boys dormitories could hear the conversation.Believe it or not, the boys at Nevermore lived as much for the gossip as the girls did; it was unavoidable.

"So?" He was not really in the mood for these two. Kent was truly an idiot, and Ajax too, but a bit smarter than the other boy. 

"Oh my man, do we have news for you?" Kent told me while moving to sit on the bed that had been empty for all too long.

Xavier only raised his brows in question, sitting up a bit more as opposed to his previous position, where he had been pretty much just lying on his back on the bed while sketching. Most nights, or more like all nights, he would try and avoid most of the other guys, seeing as they would always run into each other's dorms to annoy one another. Hence why Xavier had asked to make use of the shed for his art it was a simple way to not have to deal with the other fools.

"You're going to want to sit down for this, though." Kent was quickly smacked on the arm by Ajax, who had a deadpan look on his face, because quite obviously Xavier was already sitting down.

Fools. Idiots. Morons. There really were at least forty words that Xavier knew he could use to describe the duo that was made up of two of his closest friends.

"Are you two going to tell me or what?" His patience with the two was fairly limited; therefore, he usually spent time with them separately.

"Yes, well, you know the fight in the quad erlier." It was not a question; it was just for Ajax to point out and make him know it was about that.

"Yeah,"

"But, do you know why l/n threw that first punch? I guess you don't." Kent said, slightly proud of himself for knowing something like this.

"She told me Mateo said something about someone she cares about." Xavier explained, yet his mind was still trying to make out who that could possibly be. 

"She told you?" Ajax's mood suddenly dropped, as he for once thought he knew something the Thrope boy did not.

"Only that it had something to do with someone she cares about, not who."

"See! I told you." Kent exclaimed pointedly at Ajax.

"Yeah, yeah, fuck off. Anyway, I happened to ask one of Mateo's friends what happened and know who that person is." 

Noticing he had gotten Xavier's attention, instead of a bored and tired expression on his face, he now seemed more attentive. It was not surprising that Ajax and Kent were aware of his crush on Y/N. "Well?"

"Apparently Mateo had said something about her not belonging here, but it was not until he added your name to it all that she swung. She got him good though, have to admit that." 

"What?"

——

Walking down the stairs from the Edgar Allen Poe statue was not something he did often. One would think that being a member of a secret society like the Nightshades would make this more common, but it didn't. The reason it didn't happen very often was simple: he never saw the Nightshade Society's little secret place as something useful for himself. Of course Xavier would come if the rest of the group was required to come too, but he never really went alone.

From what he could hear, it sounded as if someone was shuffling about in the hideout, so Yoko was correct. Hopefully, it was you and not another Nightshade who chose to spend their late night down there.

Xavier had spent most of the night before lying awake and thinking through what Ajax and Kent had told him. y/n had thrown that first punch because something was said about him, not just for the heck of it. He had spent almost the entire day contemplating what to do about it all. In fact, he had been thinking about it so much that his little daily comments to the girl in front of him to get her attention had gone over his head. Not one single comment all day, that was how hard he'd been thinking.

The dark and eerie stairs got broken by the annoyed groan coming from whoever was down there, and Xavier could just barely make out a few mutters of curses that sounded like y/n. Then some more shuffling was heard before it got calm. 

The last stretch of wall that would conceal who he was was approaching, so he took advantage of the opportunity to try to think of something to say, but his mind failed him, leaving him stuck without a way to ask that one question. He shook his head just slightly to pick himself up.

The sound of footsteps from the stairs made y/n look up from her spot on the floor just by all the books, and just as she did, Xavier came walking down. Her brows knitted together as she knew he never really spent time down there unless he was required to be there, much like all the others. She kept a finger on the page where she was in the book and just stared at him.

"What are you doing here?" Xavier just stepped down from the last step as she uttered her question, looking up at him from her place on the floor.

"I'm allowed to be here, remember." He tried to play it off as if this was not the first time he went there alone.

"I know that. You're just not usually one of those who spend their free time here; none of you others really do." 

For some reason, the way he ran a hand through his hair to push it back made y/n have to bite her cheek. Hating that her heart would start racing in his presence even though how he acted, it was frustrating to over and over again have to tell herself that she should not like him.

"No, but I was told you'd be here." Xavier moved closer instead of standing just by the railing of the stairs, getting to the middle of the room, leaving plenty of space between them.

"By whom and why?" As she stood up, she closed the book that had been in her lap. He took notice of how her knuckles were still scraped and bruised (from what he could see with the limited lighting), and she also had a few bruises on her cheeks.

"I can give you three guesses." Xavier felt a little bold and took just a step closer.

"Yoko, correct?" It was a quick answer, which made him chuckle at the fact that she knew who it was without thinking too long about it.

"Yes,"

"Are you here to insult me or something like always, Xavier. Because if you are, I'm going." y/n's heart was racing as she tried to walk past the boy, but he quickly held out his hands to stop her.

"No, I wasn't going to."

"Yeah right," He stopped her from waddling past once more, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Look, I just want to talk."

"That's a first."

It was, and Xavier knew it was—well,  not exactly the first time, as this would be the second, considering they truly talked for the first time just the day before. 

"Who is that person that you care so much about?" Her entire face twisted at the question, not knowing why he was still stuck on it and having to try to avoid answering it.

"Why does it concern you?" Wait, had they gotten closer because the distance between them was only about nine feet—maybe ten feet? Just a few seconds ago, it was nineteen.

"Can't you just tell me?" 

"Why should I do that when you take every chance you get to annoy me in any type of way." y/n shook her head at him. "Not even Enid knows, so why should I tell you."

"I just want to know, since you mentioned it." 

If time travel had been a thing, y/n would go back to the day before and change her answer for why she had thrown that first punch. That way she would be able to preserve her heart and also not have to deal with the person who had sneakily made his way into it and, in her mind, probably didn't feel the same.

Xavier didn't let his soft gaze leave her form, giving all his undivided attention to her, and nothing was going to break it. He wanted her to say it was true that the person she cared so much about—so much that she would get into a fight for him—was him. He wanted what Mateo's friends had told Ajax to be true because it would allow him to make amends with her.Clear the air and actually tell the truth about his behaviour.

"Why does it matter to you?" y/n asked, frustration clear in her voice as she was stern with the way he asked. Even though her heart did cartwheels and her stomach filled with butterflies, she held eye contact with Xavier. 

"Maybe because it involves me." His tone changed into a little more of an irritated one as he actually wanted an answer, this way he could probably get one. All it did was freeze her, making her stare up at him and tighten her grip on the book she had been holding the entire time. Slowly, her knuckles were turning white.

"Who even told you that? How do you even know that fight involved you?" She asked quizzingly.

"Ajax told me."

"And he was told by someone else, I presume?"

"Yeah."

"So then he actually doesn't know what happened, and you can just drop it, because honestly, it doesn't even matter." For a second, she thought that it would shut him up, but no.

"Who is it then that you're so keen on getting yourself hurt for?" Yet another step closer.

"Just leave me be, will you? You've done great at that before." 

"Tell me what the fight was about! Did Ajax just make it all up that it involed me?" Xavier pointedly asked.

y/n had moved closer to get in his face, but it was hard seeing as he was as tall as he was. They were left with very little space between each other, and it gave Xavier a better look at y/n's beat-up face. He'd seen Mateo's face, which was worse, and the sight of how she looked made him swallow. It was the shine in her eyes that caught his attention and got him to take a step back.

"You." It was all she said, looking him straight in the eyes and saying so too.

"What?"

"You, okay? That was all about you." y/n moved back from standing so close to him and motioned with her arm as if to mean all that happened yesterday was about him.

Xavier just stared, finally getting an answer, but it took him aback so much that he had no idea what to say. "I–"

"Mateo said something about you... and me, which made me irritated. Honestly, how stupid are you?" She was speaking from pure frustration that had lasted quite a few months. "Why do you think that asshole Tyler and his friends left you alone? Why do you think I came back to school that same day all beat up?"

There was that. Xavier had always wondered who had passed her off that one day when the Nevermore students got to go to Jericho. It was the first time after Tyler and his friends destroyed his mural, he vividly remembered y/n coming back beat up but still standing. She never explained to anyone why she did what she did, but now he knew. She did it because of what happened to him; she beat them up for it because going to the school in Jericho meant she knew what utter shitheads Tyler and his friends were.

"Ehm—" Once more, he was unable to say anything about it all; too much was coming out at once, and he was still stuck on the fact that he was the one she cared so much for.

"Ever since I started, I've done nothing to you, and you just wanted to be all competitive and shite just because we can do the same thing. I never gave you shit, and to be honest, I probably care about you more than I should." 

The more time passed, the more she rambled, and it all hit him, and just the tiniest smile started to tug at his lips while he watched her, his brows also furrowing. The slight shine in her eyes seemed to have been tears of frustration building up as y/n had discreetly reached up and wiped away one.

"I really, for some stupid reason, like you, and I honestly don't know what I've ever done—"

Xavier cut her off with a kiss, one that made her jump in surprise. He was almost afraid when she went stiff under him, but that worry was quickly washed away when her body slowly relaxed and she started kissing back. His hands lay comfortably at the base of her neck. Xavier was almost convinced it was a dream that he was kissing the girl he'd been chasing for a year, and she liked him back enough to kiss him back too.

They both pulled away, Xavier looking at y/n expectantly but earning a confused look. Her eyes were narrowed questioningly, her mouth slightly agape as she tried to come up with what to say.

"You know... if you had just said you liked my art that day, things would have been a lot easier." She did not look up at him, still trying to comprehend what just happened, her hands landing on his wrists as his hands still gently rested at the base of her neck.

"Trust me; I know that." Xavier chuckled at her puzzled face.

"Wait, you like me too?"

Idiots..

Taglist:

@getbillzoned @honeybubblepopp @mrskeery-mclaughlin @wonderlandco @alicews @l4venderia @navs-bhat @ariianelle @moose-ubi @lomllino @honey-with-tea @rayliz793 @moatsnow @s0ftdr1nks @writing-fanics

#xavier thorpe x y/n #xavier thorpe x you #xavier thorpe #xavier x reader #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thrope fanfic #xavier smut #xavier thrope x reader #xavier wednesday #wednsday addams #wednesday xavier #xavier thorpe wednesday #wednesday fanfic #wednesday series #addams family #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction fluff #imagine #xavier thorpe x reader smut #xavier thorpe smut #fluff #one shot #female reader #drabble #percy hynes white #the gifted

[delreykenn-punk]

it's you, it's all for you

(joel miller x fem!reader)

warnings: angst, angst, angst, Joel is emotionally damaged, age agap (reader is in his early 30s, Joel is canonical age; 56), jackson!era, mentions of sex, swearing, Joel is an asshole summary: Idk, joel and you are kind of friends with benefits but you want more, that´s it words: 1.5k

You had a kind of relationship with Joel since the QZ in Boston, a kind of agreement in wich only fucked “without feelings”, you two didn't go beyond that because he didn't want to and didn't feel safe to take that step, which you respected. You knew he had a daughter named Sarah, you found out during a night where he couldn't sleep and he whispered between dreams her name crying and asking for forgiveness, you never ask about it because you respected his privacy and you didn't want him to push you away.

But then Ellie and the fireflies happened; lost Tess, Bill, Frank, Sam and Henry, you two went through many things together, wich made you felt like you were something much more than just friends with benefits, he opened up to you and Ellie, finally he talked about his babygirl and his suicide attempt, you saw him in his most vulnerable moments and you hugged and held him when you knew he needed it most.

You loved Joel, you had no doubt about that, you realized that you loved him that time the group of cannibals attacked you three and he was hurt, you had not felt so much fear in your life until he almost died for the infection. You didn't tell him, but while he was almost unconscious and dying and you were about to go out to find something to fight his infection he took your arm and whispered "please stay with me my love, I love you" after that he fell asleep again, leaving you perplexed at his words, you had many questions going through your head, too many doubts and mixed feelings, you didn't have the heart to leave him, so Ellie went to get the supplies.

You were afraid that he would not remember what he told you, you hoped to be able to talk once they got something to make him get better, but everything went to hell when they took Ellie and David happened, he had mentally screwed the girl, wich made you forgot your situation with Joel and prioritized Ellie before you. Then the fireflies happened, Joel and you rescued Ellie and fled back to Jackson and settled back in the commune, you could finally enjoy some peace after everything they had been through and you liked to believe that the three of them were a family.

It had been months since they returned to Jackson, things with Joel were still the same, he never mentioned what he told you that time when he was dying, and you did not touch the subject no matter how much you died of wanting to do it. With that came your breaking point, you couldn't stand it anymore, you needed to talk to Joel, you needed to know where all this was going, you wanted everything with him, with it his flaws, you already knew about his daughter Sarah, you practically knew everything about him and you wanted more.

You were in the kitchen of the house you shared with Ellie and Joel and you were so sunk in your thoughts that you didn't hear it coming. "Hey, did you hear me?" you came out of your trance and were startled when you saw Joel sitting at the table in front of you. "Oh, sorry I didn't hear you come Joel, what's wrong?" you left the cup of tea you had in your hands on the kitchen counter, noticing that you hadn't taken a sip, you were gone for quite a while.

You sat next to him at the small table. "I was telling you that if you were okay, I arrived and I saw you standing there doing nothing, you were very disconnected from the world honey" he laughed softly, "Are you okay baby?" he placed his hand gently on top of yours.

You looked down, suddenly feeling too shy and embarrassed to say something, "I... yes this- no, I actually want to talk to you Joel, i-it's about something I've wanted to tell you for a long time," out of the corner of your eye you saw how he got serious and nodded, giving you permission to speak.

You got nervous, you had already planned what and how you were going to tell him everything, but Joel had you so bad that nothing came out of your mouth, the man had that imposing power over you, plus there was the fact that you would not know what his reaction would be. You took a long, deep breath before blurting out "What are we Joel?, Where is all this going?" you finally looked up and watched as his jaw tensed, instantly regretted saying that when he abruptly removed his hand from yours "What are you talking about?" he raised an eyebrow in your direction.

"You know, we've been together since before Jackson and-" he interrupted you "No, you knew very well where I stood on this and you agreed with me," he got up from his chair in frustration, running a hand through his hair. Before he could speak you interrupted him "No Joel, please, this place is our chance to be happy and be a family, I know you're afraid to love me and it's okay to have it, but we're fine, we're safe, I lov-" you shuddered when he turned to you and shouted "NO, I can't do this okay? I can't, I don't know what made you think we could be the happy family you lost, we're not them and we never will be, in this fucked up world things are no longer handled like that, for god´s sake, stop living in a bubble and stop getting excited, I don't feel those cheesiness for you, I don't love you" he snapped angrily while staring at you.

Your eyes began to fill with tears, you could not believe what he was telling you, you felt as if you had been stabbed in the back, no, this was a thousand times worse, he knew how you felt about your family, you always hoped to have one again, to be able to be happy and start from scratch, you thought you had found it with Joel and a small part of you liked to think that he also felt that for you but at the same time It seems things were not like that. "Fuck you, how dare you tell me that!" you sobbed so loudly, you were holding back a lot of crying that you started to feel short of breath "I've given you everything of myself, I've let you fuck me however you want, I've been your shoulder to cry, I hug you when you have nightmares and you can't sleep, I never asked you about your daughter because I wanted you to tell me when you felt ready and seriously you have the impudence to say that it made me think we could be a family?" you laughed without being able to believe it, I was hurting you too much.

He looked away from you, you cried and sobbed until you calmed down a little and continued talking "You say that you do not feel those cheesiness and that you do not love me but the time you were hurt and you were about to die you told me not to leave your side and that you loved me" and there it was,  you let go, and you never thought it felt so liberating to do it "Explain it Joel, look me in the eyes and explain that shit!" you screamed and shed tears of fury as you approached and came face to face with him.

Finally he looked at you, you watched how his gaze seemed to relax and you swore that you could appreciate softness in his eyes, his hands closed into fists, it was as if he was struggling with himself to say something, for a moment you thought he would apologize to you, ask for forgiveness and finally stop lying to himself, you frowned when you heard him a low laugh and his countenance changed to one of mockery "I hate to tell you baby, but when you're under the influence of an infection you can say any nonsense, I don't even remember saying that for god's sake, maybe you imagined it, so stop begging for something that never gonna happened." You had enough, you were not going to continue humiliating yourself for him, if he did not want this well "Okay Joel" you wiped your tears "you are right I imagined it, I was the deluded one who believed you were a better man, a good one, I idealized you a lot and I am very sorry to have seen things where they had not" you did not know or why you apologized, you just wanted to end this discussion and go away from it.

You headed towards the exit without looking back, leaving Joel speechless still standing on the kitchen island, if he was sorry you didn't care anymore, not even taking some of your belongings, you didn't want to just go on there, what once felt like home at that moment stopped feeling that way.

A/N: ok, so this is my first fic, I apologize if there is any kind of grammatical error, English is not my first language, I promise to improve :) This has a second part, I've been working on it for a month lol, it will come eventually, I just don't know when, but it will.

reblogs, comments and likes are welcome :)

#pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #joel miller #the last of us #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction #tlou #tlou hbo #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller hbo #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller tlou

[polakina]

in the shadows

rating: explicit

outline: after a botched mission, everyone's on a knife's edge. you take yourself outside while everyone is in the food hall, feeling like a cigarette will calm your anger. Ghost joins you, and the both of you find a better way to let out a bit of frustration.

warnings: smut, oral sex, unprotected sex, smoking, dirty talking, dirty thougts

requests are open! hope you enjoy, petals <3

masterlist

II

To express it lightly, that mission was the most fucked up you'd had in a long time. No one spoke the whole ride home. Not even Soap, which surprised you.

After Ghost had finished his long lecture, his shouts were heard even above the helicopter blades, nobody even dared look in his direction after that. You sat there quietly, between two other soldiers who looked down at their black boots as you did, their breathing quiet enough to go almost unheard. It would take Riley a while to come down from his rage after this one, that was for sure.

If only that one shot hadn't been fired early by that idiot with a trigger-happy hand, perhaps it would have all gone a different way. Then Hassan and his men wouldn't have scattered into the shadows and your team might have actually had something to bring back to base other than your sorry asses. You cast a glance over to the newbie soldier who caused your fuck up, and he never managed to meet your eye. He was surely in for a whooping when you got back to base.

"Right," Ghost's voice echoed throughout the carrier, everyone's heads spinning to face him as he stood in the center of the metal box. "Everyone reports back to their bunks when we land, get yourselves cleaned and fed and meet me and Vargas in the meeting room for a debrief in an hour." That was all he said. The second you landed, he left without a word, the rest of you following in his wake.

"How long do you think until he's calmed down after this one?" Soap asked you quietly as the two of you walked back to your rooms, everyone dispersing behind their own doors without a sound.

"Well, remember last time?" You mused, hearing Soap's grunt of acknowledgement. "He was pissed off about that for almost two weeks. But this, this is worse. I won't be surprised if he doesn't speak to us for at least a month after this." Soap just hummed, agreeing silently.

"Then let's just pray it passes quickly, eh? We've gotta get this job done one way or the other, and I'd rather it be without having one eye on the target and the other on Ghost." You both nodded in agreement before returning to your respective rooms, which happened to be opposite one another. Once back inside your room, you stripped off your clothing and were happy to be greeted with hot water on your back as soon as stepping into the wet room. 

After cleaning the dirt and blood from your hair and body, you changed into more comfier clothes, happy to feel soft pants and a simple cotton shirt on your skin once again. You remained in your room for a while, stretching out your sore muscles and kneading the knots in your back and legs from being on your feet the whole day, running and hoisting yourself over more fences than you cared to count.

After an hour or so, you heard the guys from the unit all leaving their rooms to head to the kitchen to find food, rambling and shouting like schoolboys as they passed your door, banging on it childishly to call you for dinner. You didn’t join them, not feeling much of an appetite after the day you’d had. But you were in the mood for nicotine. It seemed to be all that cleared your head and calmed you after a mission. You could hear Price in the back of your mind telling you how those things could kill you. You heard yourself responding to him the same every time, “yes but a bullet would kill me faster, and I still face those everyday”. He’d stopped commenting on it after that.

Taking your pack of cigarettes and a lighter off your nightstand, one gifted to you by Ghost three years ago with a skeleton on the metal case, you made your way outside. Using the back door which was accessible walking past the kitchen where the boys were sitting eating, you gave a small smile as they called to you, waving over. Ghost was sat amongst them, besides Soap at the bench table in the center of the room. He glanced at you as you walked away, noting that you left through the backdoor and got up to follow you out.

“Everything good, L.T?” Soap asked him, watching him stand from his seat.

“All good, Soap. Just gonna check up on her for a sec,” Ghost responded, his Mancunian accent seeping through the gruffness of his voice. Soap just nodded acknowledgingly and said nothing more, digging into his meal. 

You lit your cigarette, sitting on the pile of military weapon cargo boxes stacked outside the tent. Breathing in the smoke, you cast your eyes over to the setting sun dipping behind the mountains that encircled your base camp. It was pretty, the sky painted an array of purples and oranges. But your silent moment was cut off by the door shutting rather harshly to your left. It made you jump. Ghost chuckled lowly for only himself to hear.

“Not hungry, I’m guessing?” Ghost speculated, leaning against the cargo boxes next to you. 

You shook your head, taking another puff and blowing it out into the passing wind. “Not really. Just ready to get back out there, honestly.” That made Ghost raise a brow, looking over at you for a second. 

“So soon?” He inquired.

“Of course,” you inhaled once again, taking a moment to let the smoke drift down your throat. “Never leave a mission unfinished, right?” Ghost grunted approvingly, nodding his head slightly.

“Right,” he smiled slightly, seeing you nod in agreement out of the corner of his eye. “You gotten any sleep recently? You’ve been a little out of it the past few weeks.”

That made you turn your head. “There’s a rookie that fired early who deserves a seeing to, but you’re asking about me because you think I’m out of it?” You asked aback at his words. 

“Woah, I already spoke to the kid. Well, spoke is a soft term for how I said it, it was more shouting.”

“More like screaming,” you mumbled. “We all heard you from our rooms, Riley. It was pretty harsh.”

“You think I was too hard on him?”

“No, he deserved it. Our mission fell apart. Fuck knows when we’re going to get another chance,” you breathed out, the annoyance lacing your tone. And Ghost could hear it. He patted your leg comfortingly.

“We’ll get them next time, love. Don’t worry,” he assured you. It was a strange feeling, not a bad one, just strange. Riley comforting you, being…sweet. You liked it. 

The two of you had known eachother for years, been through hell together. Brought eachother back from the dead on more than one occasion. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for eachother, nothing you hadn’t already done for eachother. But this was new, his sweeter side coming through. 

“You did good today, love. Real good. Despite everything, I always got you to count on,” he admitted, leaning into this kinder side that had grown on him. His hand stayed firmly planted on your thigh, his thumb circling over your pants. You made no move to stop him. You liked the feel of his palm on your leg, thumb drifting over it slowly. 

“Wouldn’t have gotten through it without you, Lieutenant,” you smiled, looking over at him. He chuckled, and you joined him. Your cigarette was half smoked, the ash on the precipice of falling to the ground. You felt it being taken from your hand, Ghost pulling the front of his balaclava down with the same hand he held the cigarette with before bringing it to his lips and inhaling deeply.

You instinctively looked ahead, not wanting to invade the thing he kept most private. You heard his exhale, seeing the puff of smoke out of your peripheral. It was itching at you, to look at him. Even for just a second. But you refrained. You had to. 

“I can practically feel you trying to keep your eyes off me. It’s sort of amusing,” Ghost huffed a laugh, taking another hit of the cigarette in his fingers.

“Excuse me, I can keep my eyes to myself, thank you very much,” you smiled, a teasing tone coming through your voice. “Who said I wanted to look at you anyway?”

“Ah okay, love. So I’ll just pretend I don’t catch you looking at me during meetings, hmm?” He teased back, grip tightening on your thigh a little. 

“Don’t know what you mean, Lieutenant,” you smirked, feeling his eyes on you all of a sudden.

“Since when did you call me, Lieutenant,” Ghost asked, inquisitively. “Ever since I made this rank, you’ve never used the title.”

You shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly, still looking ahead. 

“Going all quiet on me all of a sudden, soldier? That’s not like you at all.” You still said nothing, you just heard Ghost pushing himself off the cargo boxes and walking around to stand in front of you. Your eyes averted, again off instinct. You looked down, seeing his legs standing between yours. “Say what’s on your mind, love.”

You just shook your head, smiling to yourself. “There’s nothing to say, boss.”

“Uh huh.” He was not convinced. Neither were you, to be honest. “You gonna look me in my eyes and tell me that?”

You hesitated, and Ghost waited for a few seconds. But as everyone in the team knew, he grew impatient and took matters into his own hands. You felt his gloved hand cup your jaw, tilting your face up to meet his.

Your eyes widened as you met eyes with Ghost. His face. It was uncovered by his balaclava that he never seemed to take off. You couldn’t help but stare. Before, you’d only ever seen his eyes, but now you saw the whole picture.

“What? Cat got your tongue, soldier?” That smile. You could look at it forever. The small dimple that formed on his right cheek, the little creases in his face when he smiled. He really was beautiful. “See something you like?”

“I…” your words had escaped you as you looked up at the man looming over you, a smirk now present on his face at your awed expression. “Maybe I do.”

He just hummed, the smirk never leaving his face. His free hand stayed on your jaw, stroking patterns into your cheek, while the other flicked away the cigarette in his hand. “Oh yeah?” There was a mischievous look in his eye that didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Riley, I-”

“Uh uh, no,” he said, silencing you immediately as you looked up at him expectantly. “You can refer to me by my proper title, can’t you, soldier?” That low, gruff tone sent something racing through you. The way he looked down at you with dark, piercing eyes, eager for something. Something you couldn’t put your finger on. 

“Yes,” you breathed, leaning into his touch.

Then his fingers tightened on your jaw. “Yes, what?”

Your heart skipped a beat as he leaned down, mere inches from your face. 

“Yes, Lieutenant.”

You didn’t know what had gotten into Ghost, but you were loving this new side of him. 

“Good.” He pulled your face closer to his, and you could practically feel his breath on your cheek. “Now you tell me if you want me to stop, love.”

Your response came amost instinctively. “I don’t want you to stop.”

All you saw was a flash of a smile before his lips met yours. You melted into his touch, feeling his hands on your thighs, your hips, gripping you softly wherever he could. His lips moved against yours perfectly, and you felt a light scratch of stubble against your chin and cheeks. His face was warm, most likely from the humidity falling over the dark sky, and it was a comforting feeling against your colder cheeks. 

His tongue brushed against your bottom lip, and you wasted no time letting him explore you with it. You practically moaned against his mouth, and Ghost pulled you flush against him, your legs pressed against the sides of his thighs.

He was loving this. Feeling you settle into his arms, your legs clenching around his thighs, your hands grabbing at his arms and shoulders. He needed you. As much as he’d want to get you back to his room for more privacy, he was more than ready to take her right out here. And so were you. 

His hands drifted down your back to your ass, unde ryour pants to cup your flesh, enjoying the way you moaned into his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip. You let your hands wander down, feeling the muscle under his black vest, until you felt your fingertips reach the cold metal buckle of his belt. You smiled against his lips, and he knew where you were taking this. 

You unclipped the belt hastily, smooth motions until the clasp fell apart and dangled low. The buttons came next, you undid them without letting your lips leave his. His hands followed suit, reaching around to the front to swiftly unzip your soft tan pants and tug them down your legs. The backs of your thighs were hit with the cold, hard plastic of the cargo box, mingled with the warmthness of Ghost’s hands on you. 

He pulled away, not before kissing your cheek, leaving you breathless and wanting. He smiled down at you, seeing in your eyes how much you wanted him, reflecting in his own of how badly he needed you. Right now. 

“Please,” you whispered, as his hand cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing over your lower lip, pulling it down gently. Your hand slid into his pants, palming the hardness starting to form between his legs. He groaned quietly, and you could see the expressions on his face more clearly than ever. It was even better than you could have imagined. His eyes fluttered shut, his mouth slightly open as your hand wrapped around his dick, moving it up and down so you could hear more of his pretty noises. 

Dragging your thumb over the tip brought most of his reaction, a short whine falling from his lips as you gathered his pre cum on your thumb, dragging it down his dick and repeating the motion until he palced his hand over yours.

“Don’t get me too excited all at once, sweetheart,” Ghost breathed, huffing a laugh quietly. “I still got you to take care of, don’t I?” With that, he knelt before you, never taking his eyes off you, and pulled your tan pants down to your ankles along with your underwear. Ghost smirked, seeing how wet you were already, practically glistening in the moonlight which seeped through the ashy clouds. 

He wasted no time in burying himself between your thighs, licking and sucking with an undying hunger. One thing you noticed is that he never looked away from you. He kept them on you, at your expressions, the way your head tipped forward and your mouth fell open as his lips wrapped around your clit. 

You didn’t realise how touch starved you were, nor how much he was either, until you felt your skin on one another. Letting your head roll back, you let out a small whimper as his finger pushed inside of you. Fuck, the man had bigger hands than you thought. 

But then he stopped, stopped moving his finger inside of you and stopped his tongue from moving in its perfect way. “No, sweetheart. You don’t get to look away from me now. I’ll only keep going if you keep your eyes on me,” he instructed, no room for negotiation in his tone. So you complied, looking down at his lust riddled eyes and not breaking contact. That’s when he smirked back up at you. “Good to know you can still follow orders, soldier.”

Then he resumed, fast paced and unruly as he fucked you on his finger before adding a second, taking his time to make sure you were ready for him. Your legs started to lose control and your legs began to shake, so you had your hand on the back of his head for support. And also to pull him closer. 

You felt yourself nearing your limit, your orgasm just mere moments away from taking over your body. But he pulled away just before you could come, leaving you wanting and restless.

“Fuck, no wait, Simon. Please,” you begged, holding his hand where it was and praying he would continue. The smirk on his face already told you your answer.

“Well, you’ve got a decision to make here,” he toyed, removing his fingers and placing them in his mouth, revelling at your taste before speaking again. “I can either keep going like this…” he leaned up so his lips were right next to your ear. “Or I can bend you over this cargo and fuck you until you learn to call me by my rank, soldier. ”

You already knew exactly what you wanted.

Before you knew it, the Leiutenant had you bent over the hard plastic boxes, your pants down by your ankles while his pants were unzipped and what laid beneath his boxers ached to be inside you.

Your fingers gripped the edge of the box as you felt him push inside you slowly, filling you in one singular move. He groaned as he felt you clench around his dick, the noises as he rocked back and forth inside you were music to his ears. You covered your mouth with one hand as he moved faster, gripping your hips and fucking you at an unrelenting pace. The cargo boxes creaked with your combined weight, if the guys weren’t being as loud as they were with the music playing in the background, they definitely would have heard you.

Ghost saw your hand covering your mouth and took it upon himself to wrap his hand around your wrist and pull it away, pinning the hand behind your back. “No, no, love. Don’t be hiding those pretty noises from me.”

“But…”

His grip tightened on your wrist, not hard enough to bruise, just hard enough so you felt it. “But what, soldier?”

“They might hear, Leuitenant,” you whimpered, and you heard a low chuckle in response. You felt his other hand leave your hip and tighten around your hair, pulling your head back so it was practically next to his.

“Sweetheart, if they hear those lovely little moans you’ve been making for me, then they’ll be so lucky,” he whispered before thrusting into your particularly hard and earning a gaspy breath from you. “There we go, baby.”

His praises, his words, his voice…it was like a drug to you and you were entirely addicted to it. You needed more, you craved it. 

You could feel yourself growing close once again, and from the looks of it, so did Simon. So he didn’t hold back, he gave you exactly what you needed. W one hand on your lower back to push you down, the other gripped your hip with vigour as he pounded into you relentlessly. Your eyes rolled back and your mouth fell open as your fingernails dug into the harsh plastic against your skin. 

“Come on, love. I know you’re close. Come for me, baby. Come on my cock like a good girl.”

Good girl.

That sent you over the edge. You clamped down on his cock almost as hard as your teeth clamped down on your lip, stopping the loud whines of Simon’s name be heard by everyone on your team. He felt you release onto his dick, your juices drownong his cock, sending him spiralling over the edge straight after you. Unleashing a guttaral groan, you felt him finish inside you, coating your walls in his come. Red walls painted white. 

He leant back, smiling to himself as he watched it leak out of you, smiling even more so when he heard your needy whine as he pulled his cock out of your soaked pussy. Leaning down, Simon kissed the side of your head before pulling your pants up and covering your body as though he hadn’t just torn them down to be deep inside you. 

“Simon,” he heard you breathe out as you turned to face him, seeing him tuck himself away and zip his pants back up.

He cupped your jaw, tilting your face up to meet his eye. “You did so good, love.” His thumb caressed your cheek affectionately and you smiled back up at him. Hsi lips met yours for a soft kiss, and his lips met your cheek for another. “We should go back in before they think we got lost.”

You chuckled in agreement, pushing yourself upright off the box and feeling your legs wobble a little. Simon noticed.

“You gonna be good to walk back in? Or do you need some help, soldier?” Simon teased with a smirk on his lips. 

“Fuck off,” you joked, chuckling as you playfully batted away his hand that was extended out to you. “I can walk just fine, thank you, Leuitenant.” You were lying to yourself and he knew it, you could feel the way your legs shook as you tried to take a step. 

He led you back inside, his hand on the small of your back. You were greeted with the warm, aromatic smell of food and the sounds of your teammates conversing amongst one another. Soap was the first to wave you over.

“Was wondering where you two were. Thought Ghost might have been complaining over that mission,” he murmured as you passed him, sitting beside him in what used to be Ghost’s seat. 

“No, he wasn’t complaining,” you smirked, feeling Ghost pass by you and sit on your right side. He huffed a chuckle to himself at your words. You’re right, he certainly wasn’t complaining. Underneath the table you felt his hand glide across your thigh, firmly planting his palm on your leg, squeezing it gently before letting his thumb trace patterns over your soft pants.

You all sat there for a while, talking and joking, all the while you could feel the memory of Ghost between your legs, the evidence still on your inner thighs. You were definitely going to need another shower after this. 

You felt a whisper in your ear and it almost made you jump.

“Planning on staying in your own bed tonight, soldier? Or do you like the idea of keeping me company in mine?” Ghost mumbled in your ear, his hand travelling the slightest bit higher.

Leaning in, you matched the level of his voice so it was unheard amongst anyone else. “I’ll join you, as long as I can shower first.”

You heard a low grunt in return. “Is that an invitation?”

You smiled, leaning further in until your lips brushed the shell of his ear. “Let’s see where the night takes us, shall we, Leuitenant?”

#ghost #simon riley #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod #call of duty x reader #cod x reader #smut #fluff #ghost smut #simon riley smut #fanfic #fanfiction

[pablitogavii]

Best friend's little sister Pt. 2

Pablo was arriving to training a little later than usual noticing Hector with a prominent bruise on his left eye. He was starting to train with the first team occasionally and there was clear tension between him and Pedri since the party.

Pablo couldn't deny he was happy someone knocked the dude for grabbing your ass, but it also made him worried what his best friend might do to him if he finds out the whole truth. Ayy que haces conmigo pequeñita!

"We still have to play with him hermano" Pablo said sitting besides Pedri who was giving the boy death glares.

"I heard you pulled her away from him that night" Pedri said and Pablo's blood froze wondering how much did Hector see really hoping he was too wasted to care what happened against the wall.

"Yeah..I saw her and took her home" Pablo said seeing his friend nod which told him that he didn't know anything more..fuck that was close!

"Gracias hermano! She's defiantly being grounded for this stunt" Pedri said and Pablo nodded knowing he already gave his 'punishment' that same night before Pedri returned.

Flashback

"P..please papi make me cum..i'll be good..i..p..promise you" my cries filled the room as Pablo was edging me for the past hour always brining me right to the edge before denying me to finish..this was torture and he knew it.

"Mi nena mala doesn't get to cum..not until she fixes her attitude" Pablo whispered into my ear denying me once more before dressing me up in his black shirt and kissing me goodnight.

"Think twice before letting someone else touch what's mine pequeñita.." were the last words he spoke to me before sneaking out that night.

End of flashback

"I have one rule, my sister is off limits! Fucking respect it!" Pedri groaned while fixing his coasters and Pablo gulped feeling very dirty for thinking dirty thoughts with my brother sitting right besides him. Pedri will never get over his rule..

A week passed and Pedri was still giving me a cold shoulder for sneaking out that night but my "punishment" ends today and I were happy for finally being able to leave the house again after school.

Tonight his friends (Pablo included;) were coming over and since Masa was out of town to visit her family, I came down the stairs wanting to hang out with them.

Pedri came back from the kitchen seeing me there asking to play FIFA with them. He placed snacks on the table asking me to let them chill alone but I looked at Pablo with puppy dog eyes..I really wanted to stay!

"She'll play with me, vale ? More chances for you to win hermano" Pablo said and Pedri shrugged nodding his head..it was only when it came to Pablo did he trust with his sister.

Balde, Ansu, Ferran and even Rapha noticed how close the two of us were always somehow touching or laughing together. We even won one time celebrating by hugging but to Pedri that was nothing special..Pablo was his best friend and he trusted him.

"Last round, I'm posting the winners on my story! Ready to loose Pablito??" Rapha said challenging Pablo. He pulled me back taking the full control and basically massacring them one by one as you cheered at the end.

"We won! Huh take that!!!" you said sticking your tongue out at the boys who rolled their eyes laughing while Pablo took a moment to look down at you with a smirk. He liked how my small hand was holding his flexed bicep..fuck he was getting horny again!!

raphina

whatever they won 🙄 @pablogavi @y.n.gonzalez

barcafanss: are they together!!?😍

gaviragirls: her hand placement!!😳

pedrimirey: that's pedris sister relaxx!

pedrigavifans: yeah no way will pedri let him be with his little sis!!

pedrii: stop the rumors cause you'll ruin their friendship

pablogavi: good job pequeñita!

y.n.gonzalez: 💪🏼

pedri: "if she plays with me we'll lose hermano!!!" -pg

pablogavi: 😂😂😂

pedrigonzz: see they're just friends relaxXX!!!!

"Damn I forgot about my physical exam tomorrow morning..I can't take you to school hermanita" Pedri said mid dinner looking at me and then at Pablo who immediately offered to take his car and pick me up.

"House keys are upstairs..I can grab.." Pedri couldn't finish the sentence since I already said I was tired and can give it to Pablo as he followed me upstairs.

"You sure there's nothing going on between them Pedri?" Rafa asked and Pablo gulped but heard Pedri say he was absolutely sure about it. That was good but ultimately made Pablo even more screwed up!

The moment you were upstairs, you grabbed Pablo's hand and he pulled you closer kissing your lips feverishly. You were both screwed but couldn't care less in that moment!!!

"I wanted to do that all night!" you say and he smirks when you pulled away from each other.

"You really need to be more subtle about your affection pequeñita or he will start to notice too.." Pablo said as I pulled him into my room jumping into his arms and he grabbed my butt holding me up and kissing my lips again..we were both hungry for each other.

"I didn't do anything..you were holding my hand underneath the table the whole dinner!" I remind him while he kept kissing me from my lips to my neck while sitting down on the bed with me straddling his lap.

"And you were caressing my bicep as I played the game..it was driving me loco pequeñita!!!" he said and I giggled smiling and leaning into his neck to leave a few kisses myself. He closed his eyes enjoying the sweet ministration I gave to his neck wondering how badly he wanted to have you right now on this bed!

"I can't stay long.." he reminded me but still enjoyed my kisses. It was like his head and heart couldn't agree in that moment..I knew the feeling!!!

"Hm..we can say I just couldn't find the keys so quickly??" you smirk and he nods pulling you with him onto the bed cuddling up comfortably for a few minutes.

"I need to come down soon or he will start looking for me.." Pablos said while spooning me and playing with my hair as I tried to fall asleep in his arms. I was so tired of sleeping alone..I just wanted to stay like this for at least one night more.

"But..I want to sleep in your arms like this tonight!!!" I whined and he kissed the top of my head slowly getting up as I grabbed his bicep not letting him go.

"No!" I sass getting his stern look again..fuck it was my kryptonite!

"Be good now pequeñita..one more goodnight kiss and I'll see you tomorrow morning vale?" he said and I smiled as he kissed my lips one more time tucking me in and grabbing the car keys on the nightstand.

"Goodnight mi cielo.." he said and I blushed at that new nickname..it made butterflies in my stomach erupt..me and Pablo really started being more than just attracted to each other and it was getting more dangerous.

"Goodnight.." I managed to say before he closed my bedroom door and left downstairs with the keys saying bye to his friends.

The next morning, I was woken up by soft warm body on top of mine instead of a loud and obnoxious alarm blaring besides my head. Pablo was kissing my neck massaging my hips as I smiled opening my eyes slowly to look at him and touch his hair.

"Hmm I can get used to this.." I say and he moved to lay besides me as I quickly cuddled up to him enjoying his warmth. Pedri was surely already gone to his physical and I could enjoy this moment with Pablo in peace.

"Will you come to the game tonight pequeñita??" he asked while playing with my hair gently and I smiled looking up and nodding my head. I wouldn't miss El Classico for anything in the world..now having two people to support instead of one.

"I know you'll wear Pedri's jersey..but..I can't help wishing to see you in mine one day" Pablo said and I knew he rarely opened up like this so I savored the moment..and I got an idea for a surprise in that moment.

I begged Pablo to pick Masa up with me and he groaned saying "just for you pequeñita" before my best friend joined us. When we arrived to school, Pablo hesitated but it was obvious what he wanted in that moment..what we both wanted.

"Go ahead..I won't say a word..promise! Just as long as my girl is happy!" she said and he kissed me being hidden from the rest of the world by black car windows.

"Be good! See you tonight pequeñita" he said as we both left and he surely checked out my school uniform again..he had a thing for it for sure!!! I told Masa about the surprise and she was excited for me promising to be my date for the game and make sure I can sneak out behind bleachers on time!!!

y.n.gonzalez

Spotify, Camp Nou

Go Barçaaaa!! ❤️💙 @fcbarcelona

liked by pablogavi and others

comentarios:

y.n.the.pretiest: whose jersey is she wearing!!??

pedrirey: her brother's obviously!🙄

gavigavi: nahh she wearing gaviss cause they're dating clearly!

gavi.pedri.bros.for.life: stop with rumors!

gavigavi: he liked her picture!!!

masa.babyy: my girl!!💗💗💗

y.n.gonzalez: 💗💗

pedri: ❤️

y.n.gonzalez: hermanooo

fcbarcelona: ❤️

y.n.gonzalez: ❤️❤️

raphina: our craziest fan😂😂

y.n.gonzalez: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

The game was intense, typical for El Classico, with lots of faul and occasional fighting. Pablo was the one catching arguments while my brother tried calming him down..all I could think about is seeing Pablo all sweaty and perfect after the game..fuck I hope he likes my surprise!!!

Luckily Barça ended up winning which pissed of the madritistas but most of all Vinicius Jr who pushed Pablo to the ground and the fight broke. You saw Pablo walking off the pitch looking at Masa who told you to go now and she will meet your brother.

You quickly took off Pedri's jersey smiling at your Gavi one underneath before running to meet him behind the bleachers like you agreed. He was there and your stomach flipped the moment your eyes landed on his..fuck he was pissed iff and never hotter!!!

"Have you seen that hijo de fucking puta!!? Pushing me because he can't lose and because we are a better club and.." but you shut him up with a kiss and his strong sweaty arms wrapped around your tightly..that's when he noticed HIS name shining on your back.

"Pequeñita..turn around for me???" he said and you smirked pulling away and turning to make him see bright GAVI shinning on your back before returning his gaze. He was in utter shock as his hand touched his part and before you knew it you were kissing again.

"Estas loca!? What if Pedri sees??" you say and again you shut him up with a kiss explaining that you wore his underneath your brothers..Pablo relaxed and continued making your with you with his hands now comfortably resting on your butt while his lips devoured yours.

You two were too "busy" to notice Vini standing there with his phone and snapping a picture with a smirk on his face..

#gavigif #gavi #fc barça #fc barca #fc barcelona #pablo gavi x you #pablo gavi x y/n #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi icons #pablo gavi #gavi x vini #gavi x yn #gavi x you #gavi x reader #pablo gavira #pablo martín páez gavira #pablogavixreaderfluff #pablogavixreadersmut

[dootznbootz]

Odysseus was afraid the entire year on Aeaea in the Odyssey.

Content warnings: Rape, Sexual Coercion, Sexual assault, Sex Work, power dynamics, this will also be long as fuck as I talk too much. This is NOT a "Circe the Goddess Hate Post". I call her out but that's it. I tried to keep this neutral but still making a point (Let me know if I gotta put more)

Lots of lovely folks on here have written great essays on what Calypso did to Odysseus as it's soooo blatantly obvious there. It literally states how he cried every day and how he flinched from Calypso, very straightforward on how he was explicitly raped.

But I've noticed that a lot of people are always iffy about Circe's situation (understandably so, it's not so in your face.) She's usually always mentioned in the "Odysseus never cheated! He was raped!" posts but then the evidence is only ever given against Calypso, and then mentioning how you can't say no or disobey the orders of an immortal and how it was in exchange for freeing his men.

WHICH IS ALL CORRECT!!! But!!!

There ARE immortal/mortal couples who genuinely love each other. Dionysus and Ariadne, and Eros and Psyche are examples. Apollo and Hyacinthus. Psyche indeed becomes immortal eventually and in some versions, both Hyacinthus and Ariadne do too. But even while mortal themselves, their immortal lovers still remained respectful and loving towards them and definitely doted on them. There are definitely power dynamics at play here but there's some nuance.

Odysseus and Circe's relationship, however, is very different. We all know he slept with her at the very least once. And that was in exchange for his men being returned to humans. That was the only time it was explicitly stated. With Calypso, it tells you every night he was enchanted and slept beside her. It was the narrator speaking but Odysseus is the narrator now and it's his story. If you think he lied, this probably won't change your mind anyway.

But even if it was a one-time thing, (which isn't the only interpretation and I will have points that talk about others) then why did he stay a year? What was he doing?

I'm doing a deep dive into the year he spent on Aeaea based on evidence in Book 10 and then the beginning of Book 12. Step by step, and honestly I'm writing this for Tumblr, not as a thesis so I will be a bit more casual but still using sources. To me, it's very obvious that he was uncomfortable throughout the text simply based on the language that is used. But it's very subtle and not an outright statement of "He's been crying every day."

BTW, just so we're clear, this is not a "Circe is the root of all evil, etc." type of post.

This isn't meant to villainize her. She's an immortal being and in mythology that changes things. Everybody is morally gray. I genuinely think if we were to ask her feelings on it, she'd probably be like "Oh, yeah! Turned his men into pigs! Strange little man he was." I don't think she gave a flying fuck.

I just simply get pissed tf off when people think Odysseus was fine. It honestly disturbs me how often I'll go on other websites YouTube and see everyone call him a whore and a womanizer. It's sexism at its finest because 1.) "MaN AlwAyS wAnTs sEx" and 2.) women can't rape/coerce. THIS IS SIMPLY TO LOOK INTO HIS FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

This is also only for Homer's Odyssey, using different translations. If you want to discuss this, (I'd be happy to! Just be nice!) DON'T BRING UP ANY OTHER WORKS.

With all that out of the way, come yell with me 🤗

I've read multiple translations, as I know there's going to be bias depending on who's translating. And having done so, each one has basically the same situations described the same so that's nice for consistency. Also, there are some parts in the story that are vague and that we'll never have answers to.

Odysseus first simply sees the smoke from her chimney and then sends his men in, after drawing lots Eurylochus leads half of the men to check out the house. I mentioned here vaguely how the 2 immortals he sleeps with are both introduced while singing and weaving, which could be seen as an enchantment (which to me is most likely. They both possess magic and are goddesses). So I'm just gonna move past that. Just take a peek and come back or just know that enchantment was likely.

Next, I'll see people often joke on Tumblr about how

"Odysseus says that Polites is his best friend yet only mentions him once!"

I think Odysseus mentions his best friend, the one to jubilantly go in first, to show WHY he would go through with this. How much these comrades mean to him. That's his best friend, and there are approximately 20 others who are now pigs as well. Could you knowingly leave one of your best friends to live a life like that knowing you could've done something?

[...]Circe—and deep inside they heard her singing, lifting her spellbinding voice as she glided back and forth at her great immortal loom, her enchanting web a shimmering glory only goddesses can weave. Polites, captain of armies, took command, the closest, most devoted man I had: ‘Friends, there’s someone inside, plying a great loom, and how she sings—enthralling! The whole house is echoing to her song. Goddess or woman—let’s call out to her now!’ So he urged and the men called out and hailed her. She opened her gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting them all in, and in they went, all innocence.

(Fagles, Book 10)

In the Odyssey, it's never mentioned why she turns people into animals. I think they were turned into pigs because, throughout the Iliad and Odyssey, Odysseus is often associated with boars. His men are associated with him, therefore: 🐖 Piggy. From what we know, the lads were just eating her food. With how much Xenia and hospitality are a large part of the story, they probably thought they were safe. They were GUESTS. This is especially welcome after the Cyclops and the Laestrygonians. And it literally says "All innocence". They were simply naive.

Then Eurylochus runs back, so terrified that he couldn't speak at first. He then begs Odysseus to just leave the men behind. Odysseus has shown that he does TRY to save his men when it is truly not reckless to do so.

But I shot back, ‘Eurylochus, stay right here, eating, drinking, safe by the black ship. I must be off. Necessity drives me on.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Then the famous warning from Hermes. I've seen folks bring this up when talking about this. YES, he is literally commanded by Hermes to not refuse her if he wants his men back in basically every translation. It sounds like Circe was warned as well. When? We don't know, but it sounds like Hermes didn't pick "sides" here.

Strange that he was still like, "Sleep with each other" to both, because he could've been like, "Circe, there's this guy named Odysseus. When he comes to this island, change his men back." But who knows, maybe it was Circe's idea from the beginning and Hermes went along with it. Just food for thought.

Now here’s your plan of action, step by step. The moment Circe strikes with her long thin wand, you draw your sharp sword sheathed at your hip and rush her fast as if to run her through! She’ll cower in fear and coax you to her bed— but don’t refuse the goddess’ bed, not then, not if she’s to release your friends and treat you well yourself. But have her swear the binding oath of the blessed gods she’ll never plot some new intrigue to harm you, once you lie there naked— never unman you, strip away your courage!’

(Fagles, Book 10)

But that doesn't explain why he was there for a year afterward! Nor if he himself was okay with it, which is what I'm trying to delve into as he wasn't.

Also the knife thing? She's still immortal. It was meant to startle her. Her dad is Helios. Odysseus would've been toast, literally.

Also note this exchange wasn't a "Yippee! Hermes says I'm going to get laid!".

...just approaching the halls of Circe, my heart a heaving storm at every step, paused at her doors, the nymph with lovely braids— I stood and shouted to her there. She heard my voice, she opened the gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting me in, and in I went, all anguish now …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Another translation by Ian Johnston, (they all say the same thing essentially but trying to make a point.)

I continued on to Circe’s home. As I moved on, my heart was turning over many gloomy thoughts. After I had walked up to the gateway                                                of fair-haired Circe’s house, I just stood there and gave a shout. The goddess heard my voice.                      She came out at once, opened her bright doors, and invited me inside. I entered, heart full of misgivings.

HE👏WAS👏SCARED! The tone is solemn and suspenseful. He was just told that without Hermes' help with the root, he wouldn't be able to survive and bring back his men. Circe was dangerous.

He made her swear not to harm him.

Straightaway she began to swear the oath that I required—never, she’d never do me harm—and when she’d finished, then, at last, I mounted Circe’s gorgeous bed …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Please note that she NEVER promised that to his men. His comrades did NOT have moli in their systems. He had no way of truly ensuring their safety in any way from Circe.

He then refuses to eat or speak, literally "lost in grim forebodings". If he "just got laid", then why isn't he happy? Not many men can say that a goddess CHOSE to have sex with them. He did it to get his men turned back. It was an exchange. I don't think Circe is "Evil" so maybe it slipped her mind. Or yes, she could've thought, "Hey, I got what I wanted. He's handsome enough. Homer never shuts up about how hot this guy is He hasn't brought up the pigs yet. I'll just let this play out. Maybe HE forgot. I don't have to do anything." We don't know. But Odysseus probably felt like he got deceived.

"Hey, I did my part of the deal. I slept with you. Now do yours."

She pressed me to eat. I had no taste for food. I just sat there, mind wandering, far away … lost in grim forebodings. As soon as Circe saw me, huddled, not touching my food, immersed in sorrow, she sidled near with a coaxing, winged word: ‘Odysseus, why just sit there, struck dumb, eating your heart out, not touching food or drink? Suspect me of still more treachery? Nothing to fear. Haven’t I just sworn my solemn, binding oath?’

So she asked, but I protested, ‘Circe— how could any man in his right mind endure the taste of food and drink before he’d freed his comrades-in-arms and looked them in the eyes? If you, you really want me to eat and drink, set them free, all my beloved comrades— let me feast my eyes.’ So I demanded.

(Fagles, Book 10)

He doesn't trust her despite what she had told him that he should when they sleep together. He has figured out that while she will not hurt him, his men were not a part of that oath, the men he was trying to protect in the first place.

She is then moved by how they rejoice when they see one another again. While turning people into animals for funsies isn't cool and coercion is fucked up, I think she comes to see this group as not quite friends but I think she did find them entertaining in a way.

This is very strange but I've seen some folks say that since Odysseus was pissed at Eurylochus for still not believing him about Circe is proof that "Oh he was trying to defend her!". Which??? Uh, Eurylochus was literally questioning his leadership as a whole. Calling him reckless and shit. He is captain and he's the King, he can't let that shit slide. The text literally says "Mutinous". Also if I had to sleep with someone I did not want to especially if it was to save my friends and I got called names afterward I'd get fucking pissed too.

Only Eurylochus tried to hold my shipmates back, his mutinous outburst aimed at one and all: ‘Poor fools, where are we running now? Why are we tempting fate?— why stumble blindly down to Circe’s halls? She’ll turn us all into pigs or wolves or lions made to guard that palace of hers—by force, I tell you— just as the Cyclops trapped our comrades in his lair with hotheaded Odysseus right beside them all— thanks to this man’s rashness they died too!

They stay a year. Again it's never stated that Odysseus slept with her that whole time. You could interpret that. (Honestly, I feel Circe would get bored with him? She's a goddess, she's got more important matters than mortal men. And she definitely doesn't love him.)

His men DO have to bring it up that "Odysseus has forgotten his native land." Maybe they thought they could sneak out without her knowing??? I am fucking REACHING but hold on as Telemachus did because he knew Nestor would well, be Nestor and try to coax him with "Have a meal with us! Let me tell you about how badass I used to be in my youth." But to sneak away from a goddess? Without her permission? That won't end too well. Aeolus in the beginning kicked out Odysseus when he tried to ask for another bag of wind. If she didn't want him around, she could literally boot him out. While she didn't force him to stay like Calypso did, she didn't "release" him either.

We don't know if they've been asking for a long time. Odysseus does say to Circe that they have been begging him nonstop, but he could also be saying that to try and convince her. He's good at persuasion. I think while he knew he could rely on her for food, shelter, and good advice, he still didn't feel...SAFE with her. I think he was possibly avoiding her personally.

I think HOW he asks her to leave is important to know as well.

...but I went up to that luxurious bed of Circe’s, hugged her by the knees and the goddess heard my winging supplication: ‘Circe, now make good a promise you gave me once— it’s time to help me home. My heart longs to be home, my comrades’ hearts as well. They wear me down, pleading with me whenever you’re away.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Throughout all of Homer's works, the characters grasp another's knees when they are desperate and are literally at the other person's mercy. Priam did when begging Achilles for Hector's body back. The man who literally killed his son and was defiling his body by dragging it around. Leodes grabs Odysseus' knees to beg for his life before Ody kills him. If he saw her as a friend, and not a captor, WHY DID HE FEEL THE NEED TO BEG IN ORDER TO LEAVE?! No one, who is in a healthy relationship, has to BEG for permission to leave. Or to "Break up", if you interpret them as still sleeping together.

And even Circe acknowledges that he is there against his will!

‘Royal son of Laertes, Odysseus, old campaigner, stay on no more in my house against your will.

(Fagles, Book 10)

[...]Odysseus, man of many resources, scion of Zeus, son of Laertes, don’t stay here a moment longer against your will

(A.S. Kline, Book 10)

This is probably another reach that you can ignore but the whole "they wear me down", could be trying to appease her. "Look, you're REALLY cool, it's actually my crew that wants to leave hahahah please don't kill them"

I mentioned before how Telemachus snuck away from Nestor but that was simply out of necessity because he needed to go home now. Not rest for the night. NOW. Nestor is just everyone's grandpa. Menelaus kind of talked more but Telemachus is very straight up in "Please I have to go now" and Menelaus immediately got things ready for him. He never has to beg and clasp his knees. Telemachus was never afraid. Menelaus is a fun uncle and Helen is your cool auntie.

Back to Circe! She tells him instructions for the underworld, they were in her bedroom. But that might've been the only way to speak with her. As even Penelope is usually away from the suitors when they are in her halls, Circe may have done the same. The text never states she played hostess physically. If she was hosting in the halls during the day, why did Odysseus wait until night to talk to her? He could've just asked her while she was on her throne in front of everyone. (He did so with the Phaeacians)

Or maybe he went alone because she only swore an oath to not harm him and so he didn't want his men near if she decided she didn't want to let them go. I could be missing something here so feel free to say something. Idk if this was a pride thing on how "I don't want others to see me beg".

She has info he needs in order to go home as well. She tells him to go to the Underworld.

She gave him new fine clothes and put on pretty clothes herself but that doesn't mean they had sex. Nausicaa gave him nice clothes as well but he never slept with her.

Then he leaves. Immediately. Not even doing a headcount as he didn't realize one of his men had died. (That was negligence on his part but he wanted out) He booked it, to the UNDERWORLD BY THE WAY. Circe even had to sneak the animals he needed for the sacrifice. Odysseus even basically said "She's a goddess. She can do things mortals can't" at the end of the book. And it almost feels...Numb? Solemn? Neutral? Gives a "It is what it is" vibe.

But Circe got to the dark hull before us, tethered a ram and black ewe close by— slipping past unseen. Who can glimpse a god who wants to be invisible gliding here and there?

(Fagles, Book 10)

She’d slipped past us with ease, for who can see a god move back and forth, if she has no desire to be observed?

(Johnston, Book 10)

She's a goddess. She has magic. She can do whatever the fuck she wants.

NOW ON TO BOOK 12!!! That was long! GET A SNACK AND WATER! LUCKILY THIS'LL BE SHORTER!

In Book 11, Odysseus swears, upon all his loved ones in Ithaca, to Elpenor that he'd give him a proper burial as he's been "unwept, unburied". So in Book 12, he sails back to Aeaea to fulfill his promise.

But you know what's funny to me?

He didn't tell Circe he was there.

He didn't even go to greet Circe himself. He sent his men to go get Elpenor's body.

The biggest clue that he didn't love/trust her is that if she was his "Affair partner" then why not go see her for "one last night together"?

SHE came out herself and pulled him aside to know what happened and then gave more advice.

I dispatched some men to Circe’s halls to bring the dead Elpenor’s body. [...]

Nor did our coming back from Death escape Circe— she hurried toward us, decked in rich regalia, handmaids following close with trays of bread and meats galore and glinting ruddy wine. [...]

But Circe, taking me by the hand, drew me away from all my shipmates there and sat me down and lying beside me probed me for details

(Fagles, Book 12)

In every translation, it talks about how he sits, and she lounges/lies down. That's not sex 🙃 In some translations, it even says he tried to be with his shipmates but she pulled him away!

So we lay down and slept beside our ship’s stern cables. But Circe took me by the hand and led me away, some distance from the crew. She made me sit, while she stretched out beside me on the ground. 

(Johnston, Book 12)

Then, she gives advice about the sirens, Charybdis, Scylla, and her father's Cattle. He tries to ask if he could save all his men. She scolds him for even thinking he could try. He again books it out of there.

I think we all know it wasn't "love". But I think a lot of people think Odysseus was willing and happy with whatever this was. "Friends with Benefits", if you will. I guess you could see it that way but I will say that makes me feel itchy with the whole power dynamic and fear. I don't think folks who have that arrangement have to beg on their knees to ask if they can leave though.

I mean the entirety of Book 10 gives me the vibes of "Laughing uncomfortably because you don't want to upset the other person". To just grin and bear it.

A lot of this was just putting the text here and picking it apart step by step. What you do with this is up to you. It's rambling while banging pots and pans together.

Maybe you see him as drugged the entire year and still sleeping together, as the moli "wore off". Even then, just because her magic can't affect him, there are plenty of natural concoctions that can be created that can affect mortals.

Maybe you see the entire year as sex work in exchange for shelter and food.

Maybe he was just alongside his men the whole time under her roof and was avoiding her after the exchange. After he got asked by his men to finally leave, he would start to walk up to that room only to freeze and turn around, thinking "One more day won't hurt. Should wait until I know she's in a sympathetic mood".

I beg of you, however, PLEASE understand that there was fear and coercion throughout his entirety on Aeaea. He wasn't staying to get laid. While there is so much going on and too many things that are left vague to really know exactly what happened, it is consistent that he was scared/numb. Lots of people go through with things they don't really want to do just to appease others. There are plenty of situations of sexual trauma where one person goes through something and the other has no idea the other person isn't okay. ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE CAN HARM THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT AT ANY MOMENT!

Sexual trauma is a very complicated thing and while he was scared, he definitely wasn't as traumatized by her as he was by Calypso. Calypso was a torturous hell while Circe was a year of walking on eggshells. Not comparable but I still think it should be acknowledged. It's wild because I read the Odyssey and kept thinking "Y'all are calling the sex slave a cheater? The guy who slept with a goddess to get his men back? The ultimate simp apparently doesn't love his wife??"

Things I'm adding that shouldn't affect the argument as it is not in the Odyssey but I want to mention as it's a "fun fact": Odysseus' dad was an Argonaut. Laertes probably met Circe as well, (or knew of her) with the whole purifying thing and maybe Odysseus heard his dad tell stories of her. Later myths also have Circe with the habit of turning her crushes (or their lovers) into something with Scylla and Picus.

In conclusion, Yeah, he was afraid of her. At least to an extent. And don't pull the whole "Ancient men didn't get raped". Male victims exist and deserve compassion for what was done to them and women are capable of sexual abuse. If you think otherwise, you are not a true feminist and Fuck you. I said in the beginning this'll be casual and I don't wanna write a fancy ending. You can still think Circe is neat but you have to know that this was fucked up.

If you think a lot of this is bullshit or wanna give more context or wish to yell with me but still know he wasn't alright on Aeaea, cool. If you want to point out mistakes or something I should keep in mind with interpretations then feel free to say so but give text evidence. If you try and bring up the Telegony and/or Madeline Miller's Circe, fuck clean off. This is Homer. If you call Odysseus a whore and not the malewife he canonically is I'll start biting. 😤

#feel free to add thoughts! just be nice #Was a bit afraid to post this but now I don't care lol #I'm a tired bitch #Youtube and idiots on tumblr got me acting up. #This may be too thorough but idc. #idk why the colors get weird #I don't know how other people can see all these things lined up together and not see how he was not okay. #like I said you can still like circe the goddess but know this was wrong! #might make private sometime but fuck it #anti-madeline miller #Circe the goddess is “fine”. Circe the book is not #It sounds like it does her dirty anyways. Odyssey Circe would take book Circe out back and beat the absolute shit outta her. #As another Madeline I'm ashamed. #if you bring up the tele-GONE-y then BEGONE yourself #odysseus #the odyssey #odyssey #circe #tagamemnon #tw rape #tw sa #tw sex assault #crying shaking throwing up #greek mythology #circe rant #odyssey rant #anti madeline miller #anti circe #the BOOK #Mad rambles