#and to remind myself i really need to start using Glaze

[myfeetrcolddd]

Drunken States

He sways on his feet, his eyes glazed and shining with something I couldn't understand, something he had never looked at me with before.

Theodore Nott was not a man of many words, because where words failed him or when he simply saw no point in talking he used his eyes, albeit to glare at the person trying to talk to him, but still. Often times though, his eyes said more than his words could, and I was one of the few people who could understand him.

We had a connection unlike any other. As if we could read each others minds, not needing words to tell the other how one was feeling, but Theo always made it so that he spoke with me, talked everything out. And I appreciated that.

So, if we had an understanding for one another so deep, why couldn't I understand what he was telling me through his eyes. This look so foreign, almost desperate, that took over the beautiful dark green of his eyes. I hate how I don't know what his eyes are trying to say, as far as I could see his eyes were practically yelling at me, begging me to understand so that Theo did not have to speak out loud.

But I didn't understand, and I hate it.

Before I could ask him what he was doing here, how he got into the tower and up to the girls dormitories, he spoke. "Y/N" he whispered, sounding desperate and weak. He took a step closer on wobblily feet. "I- talk to me." he took another step closer and everything clicked.

He was drunk. I could smell it on his breath, the strong scent of fire whisky.

"You're drunk, Theo" I state, but it seems as though he barely notices my words.

"No- we- I- talk to me. P-please?" He stumbled over his words, barely able to string together a sentence.

I shook my head, "We can talk when you're sober."

"Pl-" He started to say before doubling over and clutching his stomach. My eyes widened and I rushed him into my dorm and into my bathroom, as he started to puke his guts out into my toilet I walked over to my sink, getting an extra toothbrush out for him.

When he finished puking I gave him a moment to collect himself before helping him stand up. "You have to brush your teeth." I say, handing him the toothbrush with the toothpaste already on it.

Theo said nothing as he took it out of my hands, keeping his head down looking somber. "You can sleep here for the night." I tell him and all he does is nod in acknowledgement.

I can sleep in Jenny, my roommates bed. She's sleeping over in her boyfriends dorm anyway. It's times like these that I'm it's just her and I in here.

Once he's done with his teeth I help him over to my bed. Wrapping my arm around his waist and putting one of his arms around my shoulder I heave him over to my bed, laying him down and getting him under my covers.

His eyes are droopy, practically closed and he still looks at me, barely able to focus. Slowly one of his hands raise, twirling a lock of my hair around his finger. "I've always liked your hair." He mumbles, almost lovingly, but I can't tell whether it was to me or to him.

I take a deep breath, reminding myself he's drunk and doesn't really mean these things. Gently I wrap my hand around his wrist and guide it down to lay beside his head. "Go to sleep Theo, we can talk in the morning." I say quietly, before turning and starting to walk away, only for him to grab my wrist.

"Where are you going?" His voice is raspy and quiet and barely above a whisper.

"I'm going to brush my teeth, I'll be right back." I reassure him, and even then he only reluctantly lets go of my wrist

As I brush my teeth my thoughts run wild.

Why did he come here?

Why was he drunk?

What was so important that he needed to talk about it at this time in the night?

Did he really mean what he said about my hair?

I shake my head, getting ride of all thoughts and spit into the sink before walking back into my dorm. Only to slap a hand over my eyes and "Theo!" I shriek, keeping my eyes shut firmly under my hand. Why the hell was he undressing!

Right when I walked out of the bathroom stood Theo, his back towards me, his shirt off and his pants pooled around his ankles, leaving him only in a pair of black boxers.

"What are you doing!"

"Getting ready for bed." He mumbled, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I roll my eyes under their lids and bring my hand down to cross over my chest.

"Well- get under the sheets so I can open my eyes." I demand and I hear the sheets shuffling around before he speaks again.

"You can open your eyes now." And I do, very slowly, and see him tucked comfortably under my sheets, the blanket pulled up to his neck as he laid on his back.

I sigh and shake my head to myself and make my way to Jenny's bed, getting under the covers before going over to shut off the lamp, "Goodnight Theo." I say quietly, though I'm quite sure he's already asleep.

"Goodnight Y/N" His voice is drowsy, that voice a person uses when they're barely awake.

I'm nearly asleep when something pokes my shoulder, I grumble and shrug it off, only for it to poke again, this time I turn around, putting my back to whatever's poking for me, but then it pokes me once more. I groan and sit up a bit glaring into the darkness. "What!" I scowl, only for it to drop when I see Theos face, dimly lit by the moonlight.

He sits crouched beside the bed, looking up at me with wide, puppy-like, eyes. "What are you doing Theo?" I ask, more softly.

"Can I sleep with you?" He whispers, and my initial response is to tell him no, but he looks so sad, like a lost little puppy, and knowing Theo he wouldn't take no for an answer and would bother me fore the rest of the night.

I sigh and lift the sheets, nodding my head and scooching over. He smiles at me before climbing in beside me.

We lay shoulder to shoulder and it's not long before either of us fall asleep

(✿◕‿◕✿)

A small smile is on my face as I wake up from what must be one of the best sleeps I've ever had, and I giggle slightly at the sensation on my neck, like someone has their lips on my neck and is kissing- I open my eyes immediately, and am instantly met with the sight of a bare back, with my arms wrapped around said back.

My eyes trail up the back and to the head nestled in the crook of my neck. Where a boy with a messy head of hair is is lightly kissing and sucking on my neck.

Who- Theo.

"Theo!" I whisper yell at him and he only hums, so I starts to shake him, "Theo wake up!" He groans and his body shifts over mine and then I feel it. Godric, why the hell is he hard!

Slowly he raises his head, the he puts himself in the plank position and hovers above me. It takes second for him to realize what's going on and when he does he smile to himself. "Morning." He mumbles, his voice raspy and low and entirely too hot.

His eyes meander away from my face and he looks at what must be my neck and collarbone area. His eyes widen slightly and his smile widens slightly.

Worriedly I look down to my neck and collarbone only to see trails of hickies lining them. "What did you do to me!" I look at him and he tries to hid his smirk and fails.

"I was a sleep. I swear." He sit's up, straddling me, the blankets falling away and I'm reminded of the fact he's only in boxers, and that he has a massive fucking hard on.

"Yeah right! You are such a perv." I glare at him, sliding my legs from under him and bringing them to my chest.

"Baby, it's called morning wood, I can't help it." What is wrong with him! And why did he call me baby? More importantly why is he being so goddamned attractive right now!

I scoff, "Yeah right." And turn my head.

Then I remember what he said last night, and how desperate he was to talk to me. "Well. You're sober now. Talk."

"I-" He looks away, a blush coating his cheeks, and I frown in confusion. Not once have I ever seen Theo blush, between the two of us it's normally me blushing, and normally because of him.

His jaw clenches as he finds the right words to say, and I stay silent, giving him the time to sort through his thoughts. I mean, we could spend all day here since it's the weekend.

"Y/N." He turns to me, his face suddenly serious, "I'm in love with you." His face was completely straight, and after a moment of silence I laugh awkwardly.

"W-what are you talking about?" I smile awkwardly, "I love you too, I guess."

"I'm serious. And I'm sorry it took me so long for me to tell you- and I'm also sorry that I had to get drunk to tell you." He stares down at me.

No way this is happening. I've spent years repressing my feelings for this boy, hell I even think I was just about to get over him, then he comes and pulls this shit. "Theo, I-" I can't finish my sentence when tears start to swell up in my eyes.

Theo notices it and panic washes over his features. Quickly he leans closer and starts to wipe my tears, "No. No, no, don't cry, Baby. Please don't cry." He says as he cradles my head in his hands.

"I-I- Fuck you!" I end up saying, and he stares at me for a bit and starts to laugh.

I stand up and start to pace around the room, ignoring the fact that I was only in my underwear and a large tee shirt. "I can't believe you're doing this to me!" I huff and he chuckles.

"Doing what?" I turn to him and glare and start to walk to him.

"Telling me that you love me!" I exclaim and he hums in response, "I mean I was just about to get over you! Do you know how many years I spent pining over you? How much it heart to watch you go around with different girls knowing I would never be able to be one of them!" I stare down at him and stand in front of him.

"Think."

"What?"

"You said you knew you would never be one of those girls, I'm correcting you."

"You can't be serious." I scoff, then he tugs me towards him, his hands on my waist as he holds me between his legs.

"Deadly. Wanna know how I know?" I nod, "Because I wanted those girls to be you, but I was too much of a coward to do anything about my feelings."

"But... You always dated blondes."

"Baby." He looks up at me through his lashes, "I only went for girls like that because I was trying to distract myself from you."

"That's so mean." I look away from him, trying to avoid the fact that he might actually have feelings for me, "And unfair to those girls."

"I know. Which is why our relationships never lasted more than a week max." He grips my chin and turns my head to look at him, "Look at me Baby," He says and I force a frown, he grins. "I love you." He enunciates.

"I hate you." I glare which only makes him grin wider. Theos arms encircle around my waist, drawing me towards him.

"Mhm, well I happen to think you love me." He pulls me so close to the point where I end up straddling him.

"Then you are a dimwit." I mumble, and his lips come back to my neck, kissing my neck, hell I think he's even licking it. I reluctantly let out a shaky breath and feel him grin against my skin.

Grabbing him by his hair I forcefully pull him away, "Fuck you." I mutter before bringing his face to me, kissing him with so much force I think my lips will be bruised after this.

His lips are soft against mine, and they move at the same fervent pace, as if he can't get enough of this kiss. And I feel the same way, but I need to breathe so I pull away, but he chases my lips, so I place my hand on his chest to keep him a good distance as I try and catch my breath.

"Salazar, you are just-" He whispers and before I can process it, he has me under him on the bed. "Has anyone ever told you how sweet you taste?" He murmurs.

"Yeah." I grin and he lets out a low growl, "They say that same thing about both of my lips." And for a second I think I've said to much, but then it clicks for him.

His eyes go dark and this time I can read them, lust. So much fucking lust.

"I think I might have to fact check that." He says and starts kissing down my body.

"Theo-" I stop him and he growls again, so I grab his hair and lift it up so he's looking at me, "Theo, this isn't my bed."

He glares at me before throwing me over his shoulder and then dropping me onto my own bed. "I love you so much." He whispers against my lips before kissing me harshly. "And the things I'm going to do to you will leave you shaking for days, Baby."

#theodore nott x y/n #theo nott #theo nott x reader #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott #unedited #not proofread #pulled out of my ass #it's one am dont judge #imagine #hogwarts

[klausysworld]

Happy holi !!!

So holi is a indian festival celebrated in the month of march .this year it was on 8th of march

Can you do a one shot were reader and her friend play holi with mikelson family .

For you, my love i would do this every day

I wasn’t sure whether to mention the festival to the Mikaelsons, I planned to go with my other friends to celebrate but i wanted the Mikaelsons to come, they were my family now.

I had just finished oiling my hair, making sure i was protecting my scalp from the paints and colours that were bound to get all over it tomorrow. I was slipping into my kurta pyjamas when Klaus came into our room. His arms slipping around my waist as he pressed his warm lips to the crown of my head

“you look beautiful my love” he whispered touching the fabric between his fingers

“no bright colours for bed tonight?” he asked with a tilt if his head as he looked at me through the mirror infront of us

“no not tonight” i muttered with a small smile before walking out his gasp to our bed, curling up, i reached my arm out to pull him closer. He wrapped himself around me and gently felt my hair

“you’ve oiled it? i thought you didn’t do that too often?” i smiled to myself listening to him, his fingers scratched at my scalp lightly

“i actually um i have this thing tomorrow with a few friends…you’re welcome to join- all of your family, it’s a festival- course if you’re busy its fine” i rambled not noticing his hands holding mine as he sat up to listen to me

“My love, my family is your family, you know this and we would love to join you and your festival, what is it for?” he asked softly kissing the back of my hand

“Holi…it’s for spring and love. It’s a festival of colour, so you throw coloured dye at one another, often the children have water guns with brightly coloured water inside, Hope would love it i think” i smiled brightly at him as he returned it with a loving gaze

“is there anything in particular we need to prepare for you?” he asked

“i’d wear something plain, something you don’t mind being covered in paint. we’ll go to my friends where we can eat and drink before the celebration begins. It doesn’t really start until the evening ish so Hope won’t have to wait to eat or anything, everything’s ready you just need to turn up” he grinned as he kissed my forehead

“i’ll tell our family of it and I’m certain they will attend, Hope in particular will be overly excited i am sure, and i have plenty of clothes ready, i am after all an artist” i laughed lightly and shuffled closer

“i truly adore you” i uttered and his eyes glazed over with a shine as he smiled

“i love you, i always will” he whispered as he held me close, his chin resting on top my head as we drifted to sleep.

The next day all of the Mikaelsons were ready, dressed in appropriate clothing and Hope was running all over the place

Klaus had followed me around all morning like a lost puppy, willing to do anything he could

“are we leaving yet?” he asked making sure he had packed all the spare clothes for everyone

“mhm yep lets get on our way, who’s driving?” i questioned

“Elijah of course, heaven forbid you fail abide to each and every driving law. Honestly it’s ridiculous, i speed one time and he refused to let me use his car”

“it’s more of a family car though” i reminded him, in response eh only rolled his eyes.

Finally there, i greet each of my friends and introduced everyone to each other. Dishes of colourful substances were set up everywhere, buckets of coloured water with sponges lined up. Hope looked ready to have a filed day and the other kids were quick to involve her.

As soon as it began Kol had dumped a handful of dye over Elijahs head. His white suits instantly ruined making Niklaus burst out laughing resulting in Elijah drenching them both in pink water. I threw my head back as i laughed before Hope chased my around with her water gun.

Music was blasting as i smeared a mix of paint down Klaus’s neck and chest, he only smiled widely before wiping light blue solution across my cheeks

“you know you said this was also the festival of love…” he said while bringing his lips closer to mine

“mhm and spring, should we get a pet bunny?” asked with a giggle seeing the distaste on his face as his nose scrunched up

“absolutely not”

“but daaad” Hope sounded from behind us with her arms crossed. Before he could reply Rebekah had thrown a significant amount of lime green paint over his side making him gasp and return her with a deathly stare. She run past at a human pace, grabbing Hope on the way and spinning her around

“you gonna come again next year?” i asked amused

“for you, my love i would do this every day”

this family would be the thing that brought an indescribable happiness to my life and i loved each of them in their own way.

(this could have been better! I’ve been struggling the past week to actually get ideas down but i hope its still something :) I hope everyone who celebrates had a wonderful Holi!!)

#klaus mikaelson #the originals #klaus mikaleson imagine #klaus mikaelson one shot #klaus mikaelson x reader #klaus michaelson #klaus mikealson fanfiction #niklaus imagines #klaus m #klaus mikaelson x y/n #the vampire diares imagine #the vampire diaries #kol mikaelson #tvd klaus #rebekah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #niklaus mikaelson #tvd universe #hope mikaelson #klaus mikaelson fluff #klaus mikaelson headcanon #klaus mikaelson yandere #klaus mikealson smut #klaus mikaelson x yn #klaus mikealson x reader #holi2023 #tvdu #tvd fluff #tvdu fluff #klaus fluff

[cookies-over-yonder]

when did my hands start to crack from the pressure to make myself palatable

The teens are on a camping trip as a sort of stress reliever.

One night, Link wakes up, and Taylor isn't there.

[title from In the black. by August Greenwood (highly recommend!)]

part 1 of human nature

dedicated to @happi-tree (ʃƪ˘ﻬ˘) (⋆ˆ ³ ˆ)♥

ao3

♡

Link wakes up in a cold sweat. He's not exactly sure what the nightmare was this time, but it's unsettling nonetheless.

He turns to take comfort in Taylor's presence on the sleeping bag beside his, but he's met with nothing.

Taylor isn't there.

Oh no.

He's not in the cabin.

Shit.

Link should have known better than to let his guard down like this.

He's on his feet in a second, and out the door in two, scanning the area in three.

Where is Taylor?

He can't be far—well, actually, he can.

Oh god.

Link turns a corner to scan the area behind the cabin, and fuck, fuck, fuck, he's gone, this can't be happening, Taylor's missing and—

Oh, thank god , he's there, visible and alive, sitting by a little campfire.

Link can feel himself breathe again. Oh, thank god.

Taylor is right there…

And he's… crying?

Link is closer now, and Taylor is curled in on himself. He's shaking too, and his breathing is staggered and sobs escape him every few seconds.

Okay, this is unusual, but considering all the shit that went down, it's not too surprising that it's finally hitting him, but it's still a sad sight.

Link sits beside him.

"Hey, Taylor, what's wrong?"

Taylor pulls his hands away from his face, but he doesn't look at Link. He continues to stare off at the fire.

His breathing is really unsteady and laboured.

"I had… a weird dream," he says, and his voice is low and his words are slurred, "and, and I needed to get my—my mind off of it so I…l came out here because… fresh air, right?"

Taylor's voice cracks, and oh, he sounds so small.

The longer he talks, the higher his voice gets in pitch.

"I… wanted fresh air, and I came out here, but the sky looks so weird, like, like, like, everything is supposed to be normal now, but it feels weird, and I keep hearing noises, and I'm not even cold I just wanted the fire because it reminds me of the sky even though that was red and this is orange, it reminds me of the sky and what it should look like, well, what it used to look like—"

A sob rips through him, cutting him off, and Link throws an arm around his shoulders. He is really warm, there's no need for the fire, but Link can definitely understand finding comfort in its appearance.

"And, and, and—" Taylor continues, with little gasps between the words and a wobbly voice, "my, my sleeping bag is too hot, I got bitten by a bug even though I used bug spray—" he presses into Link's side, crying even harder and trembling violently. "I miss my mom , she—she—she lost an arm because of stupid fucking Willy , I, I should have warned her, I should have stopped him!"

Taylor's scratching his arms aggressively and breathing fast, and Link definitely needs to intervene here before he hurts himself—

"I miss my dad, too, and I, mmm, I don't know— I don't know why I'm so upset because I shouldn't be, but I wish he didn't have to leave me and mom, why wasn't he there? Couldn't there have been some sort of loophole for him to still see us? Or at least send… le—letters?"

Taylor is severely hyperventilating now. There's no way he isn't light-headed.

"Why—why wasn't he there? I mean, you know, actually… even—even if he could have stayed with me, why would he have anyway, right? "

Sob after sob wracks his body, and he's still scratching his arms, and then Link sees him draw blood—

"Taylor," Link pulls Taylor away from his side to face him properly. His eyes are wide and glazed over, and he's still tearing his arms to shreds, and gasping, and sobbing.

" Taylor, " Link tries again, but Taylor still doesn't register him.

"Taylor, hey," Link taps Taylor's hands, which are still sliding up and down his arms, making the cuts even deeper. "Hold my hands?"

He pulls his hands away from his arms ever so slightly, and Link holds onto them, stretching his arms out to assess the damage.

There are lines running down his arms. Not all of them have broken the skin, but a few have, and there's blood leaking out of them, some of which has been smeared across the other scratches.

Lay On Hands is definitely the solution here. Taylor is shaking and crying and making these pained little whimpers that hurt Link so deeply, he just wants to kiss it better.

Well, maybe…

Link lifts Taylor's arms up closer to his face and plants a kiss on each of his forearms, casting the spell with each kiss.

Taylor makes a noise that sounds a little less like pain and a little more like surprise. For a moment, Link wonders if that was a grave mistake, but then he grips Link's hands tighter.

He's still sobbing hard, and Link worries he might work himself into passing out.

"Breathe, Taylor," Link says, looking up to meet his eyes, but they're shut tight.

"I… hnghhh…" Taylor whines, and his breathing remains unsteady as ever, and his nails are digging into Link's skin now—at least it's not his own.

Taylor's hair is stuck to his face with sweat, and god, he looks so small, so scared, so fragile. All that Link has known is Taylor's boundless confidence and self-assurance, and the way he always carries himself like he's on top of the world, but here, and now, all of the things he's said…

Does he really believe it?

What happened to his mom… it's not his fault. He's got to know that.

And with his dad… Taylor never mentioned missing his dad before. In fact, he would gloat about how cool it was that Nicky 'left to protect him,' but does he truly think that he just wasn't worth it?

That couldn't be further from the truth…

Link blinks away his own tears and resolves to remedy the situation at hand.

"Taylor, can you tell me five things you can see?" Link asks. It's an exercise he's known for as long as he can remember.

Taylor opens his eyes ever so slightly, and frowns. "Blood."

Link looks down at their interlocked hands. His fingers are bloodied from scratching at his arms.

"Okay, that's one," Link says, wincing at the weakness in his own voice. "What else?"

Taylor's looking around now. That's good. "Orange," he says, looking at the fire, "...trees…" he says, gazing at the dark forest surrounding them.

"That's good, two more?"

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know— "

Link gives his hands a light squeeze. Taylor's breathing started speeding up again. "It's okay, no rush, just look around."

Taylor drops his head forward and stares at the ground.

"Grass, and… my… my… um… bruises."

"Good, you're doing great, okay?"

"Okay—" Taylor sobs, and he sucks in a strained breath, and another, and another, and okay, time to continue.

"Can you tell me four things you can feel right now?"

"I—I'm sss…sweaty, and I feel hot, and, and, and, itchy, I—" Taylor pulls his hands away from Link, scrubs at the tears on his face, flaps his hands and frantically runs his fingers through his hair. "I—I can't …"

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Link runs his hands up and down Taylor's arms. "Can you feel me?"

"Ye—yeah," he nods. "Yeah, I can."

"Good, focus on that for a while, okay?" Link says softly, continuing to run his hands up and down when Taylor relaxes into the touch.

"Okay," Taylor whispers, closing his eyes.

"It's gonna be alright," Link says, and Taylor leans in closer and presses himself against Link's chest, crying into it.

"Taylor, hey," Link starts rubbing circles into his back. "The next thing is three things you can hear, but you said the sounds were bothering you earlier so we can skip this one if—"

"The… the crackling of the fire," Taylor mumbles. "Crickets, I think… and… and… your voice? Is that three?"

"Yeah, it is," Link smiles, continuing to rub his back. "You still okay?"

Taylor nods.

"Okay, how about two things you can smell?"

"Bug spray. Um. Fire."

Taylor is tracing the fabric of Link's shirt with his finger. It feels like he's tracing a heart, but, well, Link can't be sure. Besides, it's not important.

"Okay, we're almost done. Is there one thing you can taste?"

"Mmm, mint… from my toothpaste… I think…"

"Good job," Link says, "Feeling any better?"

"A little… not much, but, but I think it helped a bit… thanks, man…"

Taylor stops tracing his finger on Link's shirt and instead splays his hand out flat against his chest.

"Of course."

Taylor's breathing is slower, albeit still shaky, when he speaks again. "Sorry… I don't know why I… I'm usually fine about this stuff… I—I don't know what came over me."

God. Link feels like crying now.

"Hey, it's okay, if you ever need to talk to someone about anything, I'm right here, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Taylor says, a little dryly, wrapping his arms around Link.

Link holds him tighter and plants a kiss on his forehead.

"'M sleepy…" Taylor mumbles.

"You wanna go back?"

"Mmhmm…"

"Okay, up we go," Link says, shifting Taylor to lift him up.

The campfire has died out now, leaving nothing but darkness save for the light from the new stars and unfamiliar sky. The moonlight shines on Taylor's face, highlighting the tear stains on his cheeks. His lips are bloodied are parted ever so slightly, revealing a fang. They're getting sharper, and Taylor's a lip-biter—maybe Link could gift him some lip balm…

He slips that thought to the back of his mind to revisit later.

His eyes are half lidded and glowing, and he's gazing at Link like he's some sort of guiding light, even though technically speaking with the way they glow he's the real light here—or whatever. Just… Link starts back to the cabin, shaking away the thought and the heat from his face.

Once they're back, Link puts Taylor down on top of his sleeping bag and lies down beside him—not clinging to him, because he mentioned it being too hot earlier.

But then Taylor's arm stretches out and his hand looks like it's reaching for something. Link puts his hand over Taylor's, and it locks onto him immediately. Their fingers are interlocked—Taylor's hot, sweaty, and still a little stained with blood, and Link's cold, fidgety and uncertain.

Link runs his thumb across the back of Taylor's hand, over, and over, and over, and over, and some way, somehow, it lulls the both of them to sleep.

♡

#swiftli #taylor swift dndads #lincoln li-wilson #dndads #dndads fic #fic #hurt/comfort #angst #cookies writes and cookies wrongs #<3 #enjoy <3<3<3 #human nature

[undeadsomulo]

Character Analysis: Sirica

Sirica.

 I've been thinking of this character like, a lot. Back then, during purgatory of reception week at formerly-known Fort Hood, I binged-watched KRBAY during my days slowly decaying in my barracks room going through the motions of being processed into my new unit. It was just comfort waves washing over me so a lot of details were mushy and I usually only watched it after I drank a lot. So I wasn't fully paying much attention to the episodes. 

Now, I have been rewatching it again to get some ideas (okay, mostly one episode) and this girl shows up for a sinful amount of short time in the entire series and she's the most interesting character ever?

I just realized something about episode 60. She has this really cool multi-weapon that isn't really made clear where she obtained it from but it does have the Holy Nightmare Logo on the handle. It seems like a high possibility that Holy Nightmare also manufactures weapons as well. 

Here's what I think and kind of connected these dots myself. I may not have been the only one to do it, but here's my humble take:

King Dedede is ordering his monster of the day. As he's talking about the "invader" CS speaks as if he knows of her. Immediately like "oh white alien girl?" there was some familiarity when talking about her. Also, I don't think it's a flimsy coincidence that CS sent the very monster that killed her mother. 

What am I getting at?

I think CS dude gave Sirica her weapon.

How would she have known that Meta Knight was on mission with her mother and the whole story of what went down? And not even really the whole story but somehow a painted version that Meta Knight left Garlude for dead? I think CS fed into it and I know that Kirby is target number one for elimination but the Star Warriors and Nightmare aren't exactly best friends. 

I fully believe it was in hopes that Sirica would take down Meta Knight AND Kirby but CS (who's canonically a dickhead) wanted to give Sirica a big hate boner for Meta Knight and then simply have Kirisakin just kill them all off. 

But I found it interesting that CS spoke of Sirica like he knew of her by extension through Garlude.

Also, Sirica sucks at aiming. Someone please give her aim bot. I'm not trying to paint her like some incompetent idiot, she's been around the block obviously, but I get the vibes she's still getting used to her weapon. I know it's a children's show and they can't exactly show characters getting riddled with holes but I like to think Sirica was only somewhat trained enough to use the weapon.

Like I couldn't totally see a young hot-blood, out for vengeance being easily manipulated and maybe CS guy casually training her. Like putting Sirica in some battle arena where she practiced against low-tier demon beasts. Honestly could totally see that. Then Sirica sent out on the hunt for Meta Knight after being spoon-fed some lies. 

Sirica knows how to use her weapon well enough to get what it needs to do and switch it to whatever she needs it to do but these are just some nuances I picked up on the English dub that I thought it'd be interesting if this were the case rather than "lol she must've stolen it". 

I may have glazed over some details, again I watched the English dub because I have to comb through YouTube and other sites to really find the episodes and the English dub is all I can really handle if I'm being honest. I could go into a little bit about how Meta Knight didn't immediately recognize Sirica either. Most likely because he never:

1. Has seen her grown up.

2. Never actually met her in the first place only heard of her through Garlude. 

I'm just saying Sirica had to remind him of her mother, and that can be chalked up to a lot of things because I'm sure Meta Knight has known a plethora of warriors in his time and has seen so many of them fucking die that eventually faces just start blurring together. 

Because life and precious time being against me, it has been a hot minute since I sat down and actually watched the anime. But I do casually still try to do so because now, as an adult, I can fully appreciate it more and even stem my own headcanons from it. 

#caide's bullshit #so don't come at me #Sirica #Silica #Whatever you prefer I don't care #kirby right back at ya #KRBAY #I'm posting this for myself #headspace ideas: Sirica #headspace: Kirby #Garlude #Meta Knight #Sort of #headspace ideas

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Twelve

“The good weather is making me suspicious” Claire says to us as we spend yet another blazing hot afternoon on the deck of the mobile. It’s been weeks now without a drop of rain, and I have to concede with her that it’s weird. The grass is starting to shrivel up and turn brown, little whiskers of pale straw, and heavy, dense air oozes through the village like treacle. Everyone moves slowly as though they’re wading through it, anxious for a thunderstorm that never arrives to cleanse it. At night I lie with the windows open, skin glazed with sweat and hair still wet from a cold shower, but sleep doesn’t come easily. It’s rare that Ireland gets hot like this, but when it does it’s unbearable and though I rarely fantasise about wintertime I find myself imagining cold droplets of rain or snow flakes on my arms and face.

“How’s it making you suspicious?” Kelly has big sunglasses on and has turned her face up towards the sun, seemingly the only person who’s enjoying the heatwave. I wonder if she just pretends to, because it’s what Irish people are supposed to do; suffer through the misery of a hot spell because so much of our year is beaten down by rain and sharp winds, long, dark, bleak winters that go on for far too long, we should be thankful for every drop of sunshine that is served up to us.  

Claire fans her face with the book she’s trying to read. “Because it’s never this hot for this long, I’m starting to get awful sick of it.”

“Blasphemy.”

I know that there’s no end in sight yet for it. The forecast shows another two weeks of cloudless skies at least, and at this rate we’ll be into August before we see rain again. I agree with Claire, It’s all becoming too much, and only for my morning swims – which by now have become afternoon and evening swims too so that I can keep myself cool – I’d be really suffering. My pasty skin was never meant for this weather. 

“I’m bored.” she protests. “And there’s nowhere to escape to when it’s like this, I just feel sweaty wherever I go.”

“I’m not.” Kelly says somewhat defensively. “I always spent my summers like this, it’s fine, you just need to learn to relax.”

“But I feel like we didn’t make any actual plans, like Evie is the only one who even left the beach all summer.”

“Yeah to go to an art gallery, which neither of us would be bothered with.”

“And you really wouldn’t have been bothered with that one.” I say. “It was modern art.”

“Bleargh.” Kelly emotes. “I’d definitely rather not have done that. I don’t know why you’re complaining, honestly. This was what you agreed to do for the summer. Better to be doing nothing here than doing nothing at home in the midlands.”

“But it’s my birthday the week after next.” Claire protests. “My eighteenth.” She says this with wide, urgent eyes as though this is of dire importance, like this is the one significant birthday she will ever have. “We haven’t planned to do anything yet.”

“Well we could go to a nightclub.”

“I can’t, I’ll still be seventeen.” I remind them. 

“We’ll just get you a fake ID.”

“No.” Claire says. “I’m not dealing with that. And I don’t want to go to some nightclub for my birthday anyway. If I was at home my mam would have made me a big cake and had balloons and birthday banners up all over the house.”

“And what? A bouncy castle too?” Kelly jokes, and Claire rolls her eyes. 

“Well, what would you like to do?” I ask her, feeling like I should try to help to move the conversation into a somewhat more productive sphere. “I’m up for anything that’s like, not including clubbing or anything else that isn’t age appropriate for me.”

Claire looks away from us and out over the caravan park shrugging. “Well… maybe there’s something I’d like to do, but… it might be a bit late to plan it.”

“We can at least try to make it happen, even with short notice.”

She shrugs self-consciously “On the weekend of my birthday there’s a festival.”

“A music festival?” I echo, thinking that something like that sounds pretty cool to me, actually, and I don’t understand why she seems embarrassed about it.

“Yeah, it’s on up in Laois, and there’s so many good acts playing at it, I was looking at the website the other day.” She looks at me then. “And you don’t have to be eighteen to go. The age limit is seventeen, we could all go together no bother.”

“That sounds so fun!” I say, beginning to feel excited by the idea of going to a music festival; something that always seemed reserved to those older and much cooler than me. I start to think about all the things I will bring with me, and the outfits I might wear when Kelly interjects. 

“Where’d you hear about it?” She asks, her eyes narrowed a little in suspicion. 

Claire shrugs. “Everyone knows about it, it’s a big event, like.”

“Yeah but you didn’t seem bothered about going to it until now, that’s all I’m saying.”

Claire looks baffled, and rightly so, Kelly’s questioning seems absurd to me too. We glance at each other, Claire’s eyebrow is raised and I just shrug back at her. I don’t know what to say. 

“Um. Sorry I didn’t mention it enough times before now.”

“Yeah well I think it’s a bit short notice, we won’t get tickets.”

“No, they’re still for sale.”

Kelly shoots the kind of withering look at Claire that would make me feel like curling up into a little ball and wishing I would vanish, but she seems unfazed. “I think I’ll buy a ticket. If the two of you want to or don’t want to, that’s up to you.”

I pipe up nervously. “But you can’t go alone. Where will you stay? In a tent by yourself?”

“No she won’t.” Kelly growls. “My brother and his friends are going. She’ll probably bunk in with them.” She stares pointedly at our friend “Won’t you?”

Suddenly I understand everything. Kelly knew the entire time that Shane and the gang already had tickets to the festival. I see Claire glancing quickly away from us again, but I catch a pink blush on her cheeks before she turns. Is there something else I don’t know, I wonder? Did the gang invite her to come with them? The thought of this makes me feel miserable, as I start to ponder all the reasons why they might have asked her and not me too.

“I don’t know why we can’t just enjoy the summer with just us.” Kelly rants. “That was the point. You think I wanted to spend any time with Shane? I see him every day at home, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of him always being around and everyone being obsessed with him. Like, sorry now Claire, but is it too much to ask that I get to have friends that actually want to hang out with me instead of him?”

“That’s not true.” I say in an attempt to be helpful, but she just barrells on.

“Oh, Shane plays county football, Shane did eight subjects in the Leaving. Shane is so funny and has so many friends, and he’s going to get into UCD and do science. It’s so boring. I’m actually really bored of hearing about it if I’m being honest.”

“Maybe you should stop being so sour about it then.” Claire snaps back. “Everyone can tell that you’re jealous. So what if you’re not better than him at every little thing? Get over it. You’re boring.” 

There’s weight in the air after this that makes me want to hold my breath for fear that if I don’t all hell will erupt. I glance at Kelly to see her jaw set and her arms tightly crossed over her chest. Claire looks surprised at what she’s just uttered too, but it’s too late for her to go back on it now. She steadies herself and goes on. “It’s my birthday and you can’t even let go of your own jealousy enough to let me do what I want to do for it. If you just stopped needing to control everything then we’d all be having a better summer already, but I’m allowed to hang out with whoever else I want to hang out with, and I’m allowed to go to the festival if I want to. You don’t have to come. And actually, if you’re going to have that annoying face on you the whole time, I wouldn’t want you there anyway.”

“Well, I’m not going.”

“Good.” She stands up so abruptly that the chair rattles beneath her. “And Evie, I can buy two tickets or one. If you want to come you can.”

I blink, dazed. “I um. Nobody invited me.”

“I’m inviting you.”

“Neither of us want to go.” Kelly snaps.

“Are you her mam?”

Kelly’s face is pink and furious now. I’ve only seen her pushed to this point a handful of times and it makes me hot and prickly all over. My stomach feels sick and I desperately wish for the superpower of teleportation so that I can beam myself from this situation, but instead of things escalating any further, Claire just leaves. I watch her storm down the steps and across the caravan park, her blonde hair bobbing about her shoulders until she swings around a corner and she’s gone. I turn to look at Kelly, to say something placid and vaguely comforting to her but she’s not there anymore. Her seat is empty, and I realise she’s gone inside the mobile home to sit by herself, or to scream into her pillow or throw something against a wall as is her usual. The flimsy plastic door rattles shut and seems to echo through the park, and then I am alone out on the deck, ears ringing sweaty palms and heart leaping in my chest. 

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#sims #sims 4 #ts4 #simlit #sims 4 story #writing #sims story #fiction #romance #sims 4 storytelling #sims4 storytelling #sims storytelling #lucky girl part 1

[kleefkruid]

Oh man these 24 hours, ton of things happened. Little tw for some sexual intimidation (mostly in reference) and some stereotyping about the Dutch being tall and loud bc the Dutch people in this story were just simply very tall and intimidating sorry vriendjes. Get ready for people getting kicked out, a literal bomb and megaphones in butts, or on butts (or in?)

My partner did about 26 tattoos

the cafe also had its anniversary and they introduced a new beer (7,5% hooh boy) so it got so crowded people were drinking on the stairs and in the hallway towards the toilets

so the concept is that people can get free tattoos from a themed flash sheet, which the cafe pays my partner for. We do this like every month and it's good networking.

Most people are really polite and grateful about the concept of free tattoos but last night we had an unusual number of people who decided they should be ungrateful and plain shitty about the concept of free tattoos

this went from people complaining they wanted costum designs for free (hello??) to guys trying to touch the equipment or bumping into the table

there were 3 big Dutch guys who wanted to get a piece done and they we're allright talking to me (I do the bookings) but their place on the waiting list was a few hours in so I noted them down and explained that I'll send a text when it's their turn

A while later they show up to check in on the line and I tell them there is in fact only the person currently getting a tattoo and then it's their turn

to which one of them immediately turns to my partner, slams his hand down on the table (at which a girl is sitting getting her tattoo prepped mind you) and yells out "OUR TURN!"

Oh good they got wasted

my partner of course yells they need to back off and not touch the table

I go into damage control mode and cheerfully repeat that it'll be their turn after this girl. They sit down again.

One of the others seems to be marginally aware still that was a social faux-pass so he takes two beers and offers them to us. My partner declines because they're still pissed of course. I take it because they are around me being very tall and I have girl survival skills that tell me to not say no to agressive guys when I'm (literally) cornered by them

like 20 minutes pass while my partner is tattooing and I don't know what they've been having beforehand but it's really hitting now and their eyes are all glazed over. Suddenly the guy who slammed the table comes really close to me (again being very tall and Dutch) and starts asking if I'm going in front of them (in the line) and I have to remind him I'm not in line, I manage the line, and he just kinda stares me down and at this point just all my alarm bells start going off so I quickly slip behind the table

I start telling my partner "So these Dutch guys" and they immediately go "Yeah there's no way I'm tattooing them" so I tell them they're scaring me at this point to which my partner of course gets upset about, and I can see they want to give these guys a piece of their mind.

Now my partner is also not a small person but there are 3 of them and if you've been around drunk people enough you know the look of a guy who's gotten to the point where they're volatile and if my partner is going to deny them the tattoo at this point and probably tell them why chances are big they're either going to break the furniture or my partner.

and again, the place is crowded as fuck so this could get very chaotic very fast

So I tell my partner that if they're going to tell these guys off they need to get the people from the café involved for safety

at this point I had to go into the toilets for a bit to calm myself down from getting a panic attack because this is not the first time guys have squared up to me like that and I've had a guy in that state grab me once and not let go while his friends formed a circle around that and yaddayada you know kinda traumatic, and add the crowd and the noise and me being scared for my partner so it's only logical I needed a breather.

when I came back my partner was talking to someone of the café and they did promptly and skillfully kick these guys out

at which point some other guy tried to take our food and my partner, still wired up, called him a bitch (which we retroactively had a laugh about it because it's quite funny to just simply call some dude a bitch, breaking gender norms etc)

My partner thought about calling it quits early because they were worried about me but as soon as these guys were gone I was allright.

The next person was a young guy who said "Hey this is my first tattoo, you're really making my day man!" so he managed to bring some good vibes back into the situation.

A friend showed up so we got way better company

a friendly girl talked to me but she had no sense of personal space and held the entire conversation about 3 cm away from my face

I got told I have a Wednesday Addams vibe which I would think I'm too ginger for but it happened anyways

Because of the adrenaline my anxietymeter kinda ran out and I told a guy with a straight face that if he was a good boy on the tattoo table he would get a sticker.

I did get multiple free drinks from people who were not scary at all

I yelled at some 18 year old guys who walked behind the tatoo table while my partner was gone thinking no one was watching and they promptly left the cafe, there is an angry teachers voice hidden somewhere in me apparently.

When we were packing up a drunk girl begged to still get a tattoo and when my partner said no but that she could get a sticker she called their stickers ugly and they said she should work on her socials skills and then she apologised and kind of started flirting with them and stuck two of their stickers on her boobs and gave them their number and talked about her boyfriend and I was also standing there the whole time yes.

she said at one point that she wanted a sticker that fits on her cellphone and I have stickers in the perfect size for that but she didn't talk to me so I didn't say anything.

She held on an entire 20 minute conversation solely talking to my partner which hey we have an open relationship but she doesn't know that so I was slightly amused and I theatrically leaned my head on my hands like I was watching a show.

She told my partner they could tattoo her butt next event. "You can put the megaphone" (one of the designs)"on my butt! You can put it in!- on!"

after this whole time she suddenly looked at me and said "what's your name" so I said "I am Lora and I do have a sticker that fits on your phone" so she said "Oh why didn't you say!" and I said "because I wasn't part of the conversation up until this point :)" but I did give her a sticker and she asked my name again 5 times while her friends who somehow were way more sober carried her off

my partner and I did have a conversation at this point about which way would be the worst to actually stick a megaphone up your but

When the café was finally closed my partner layed down on the table and we kissed a bit because all the café workers were in the other room anyways but the doors weren't properly closed yet so party goers off the street kept tumbling in so they just walked into an empty space with two people making out on a massage table so they now must have a very specific idea about what café workers in the city center get up to after hours.

We finally got home around 3 in the morning which was exactly the time a bomb went off in my friends' street about a km away.

which my friend found out trough me texting it but I already told that story here

anyways that's too much stuff happening for a person that also writes long posts on tumblr so that's why spend the entire day just horizontal. zzz

#daily life #antwerp

[herooffire101]

Todays the second day of Tuggerlurina Week, Birthday! I had a more difficult time writing this, and yes, they are prewritten because of my classes for a certification and my work schedule. I have been working on them for about since Tuggerlurina week was annouced. @jelliclekay i hope that my work paid off! Here we go, enjoy!

Fuck it, let me occupy you instead of distracting you.

Bomba questioned again why she was asked to do this. “Bomba, you are the best at distracting Tugger while we set up his birthday bash.” Demeter had asked her, and Bomba tried her best to clarify why she wasn’t the right cat for this.

“Demeter, sweetie, me and Tugger can’t keep secrets from each other. He will figure out that I have to distract him. Honestly, I’m going to keep him occupied instead of distracting him” Bomba had explained, but Demeter was insistent, which is unique for her, but Bomba shrugged it off, because she was basically rushed out of the den they were setting up for his birthday bash. What kind of distraction did Bomba have in mind? One that Demeter will have to deal with when she comes running to find them. When Bomba finally got to his ‘technical’ den when in fact he lives in her official den with Jemima, but the kittens didn’t know that (except for Mistoffelees, Victoria, Jemima, and Plato), she just sauntered in and sat herself right in front of him grooming his glorious mane. “Demeter overestimates me.”

“With what?” Tugger purred, looking directly into her eyes, giving her that look that made her shiver with anticipation.

“My ability to distract you.” Bomba just directly laid it out to him.

Tugger just gave her a look. “Our friends are trying to celebrate my birthday. And they sent you to ‘distract’ me.”

“Yup.”

“The queen who is my mate and mother to our kitten.”

“Exactly.”

“They really think that I, the Rum Tum Tugger, would just crash my birthday party that I completely know about, just because of my song.” He rubbed his tail alongside Bomba’s flank, making her shiver.

“Yes.” Completely deadpan, “Why can’t they just let me celebrate you by myself and Jemima?”

“While I enjoy a good party,” Tugger started, slinking up to Bomba’s side, his mane barely touching her.

“You crashed the ball.” She reminded him, her purr sultry at the remembrance of the previous ball.

“I do quite prefer to have a quiet night in.”

“Tugger, you jump in our human’s lap to cause a horrible muddle.”

“She needs to not be knitting as much.”

“You knock her yarn ball away from her and cause a terrible game of keep a way with her.” Her eyes narrowed at him, sultry and accusing at the same time.

“Ah.” He put a finger on her lips, hushing her, and grazed her face with the side of his paw. “I am artful and knowing. You have a different thought of distracting me. Care to share, love?”

Bomba looked at him, glazing into his eyes. “I can keep you occupied.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He agreed, slowly giving in to her desire, kissing her slowly and deeply. “Want to see how far we can get?”

“Gladly.” Bomba said, giving him a razor smile, hungrily kissing him, ending up on the bed of pillows and blankets he had strewn about.

~~~~~~

Demeter sat outside of the den, blushing. “You know, this isn’t what I meant for you to distract him!”

“I said I was going to occupy him, not distract him!” Bomba hissed, coming out of the den after grooming herself back up to perfection, Tugger following with a cheeky smile. “Besides Munk, I know him the best, inside and out!”

“In more ways than one.” Tugger whispered, making Bomba whip her tail right in his face. He cackled, making Demeter groan and Bomba rolled her eyes.

‘This is what happens when you send mates to distract mates, especially true mates. You can’t keep shit from another, so you have to figure out how to work with it. For us, just accepting that I can’t distract for shit with Tugger, it came down to having an enjoyable time.’ Bomba thought as Demeter led to the den that they were using for his birthday bash. As they entered, Bomba watched as Tugger hid his knowledge of this party and, with the skill of a trained actor, showed surprise. ‘I guess that’s what you get when you are the heir of the Theater Cat.’

~~

Once I had a solid idea form, I wrote it.

#tuggerlurina #bombalurina #rum tum tugger #cats the musical #demeter cats #tuggerlurina week #cats fic

[calamityandme]

Today has been a day already lol. I went to a OBGYN appointment this morning and it went well.

In my appointment I was asked if I am eating and drinking enough. I was honest and said food has been hard recently (didn’t get too into it because I didn’t want to freak anyone out). I then talked to a social worker at the hospital and she gave me some resources in town.

Resources in hand, I picked my fiancé up from our house and we went to a local organization that provides utility assistance. The employees were really nice and helped answer our questions. Now we’re waiting for a call to see if we need to do anything else/if we’ve been approved.

After that we decided to try a food pantry. I used to go to the food pantry as a kid with my mom. I’ve also been many times as an adult, but it’s been a couple years since I’ve been.

The food pantry I used to go to made themselves primarily a mobile pantry. That isn’t that big of an issue, but because I only have one car between me and my partner it can be hard to access. I might try it again though.

The one I went to today was through the Salvation Army. Yes, the Salvation Army is a terrible organization, but they were to only ones open when we were looking.

We waited an hour to fill out paperwork. I was grateful to be able to wait indoors and not in the heat.

While we were waiting I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between someone seeking assistance and the volunteer/employee.

“Do y’all have any fans?” The heavyset woman asked. She had a slicked back ponytail. She reminded me of myself.

“No. I’m not sure when we will be getting more,” The woman behind the desk answered.

“My house is really, really hot. Is there anyway I could get a fan?” She asked again. I could hear the desperation in her voice and it made me want to do something. The woman behind the desk shook her head no.

I thought about offering her one of our small, crappy fans we had just been using to cool down our 86 F house. I wanted to say,

“Girl I’m so sorry. We just got our air conditioner fixed and I understand living in a hot house”, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t guarantee my help would be better than what she already had.

The sad truth is also that I may need my shitty fan back. Our house is so much cooler than it was, but it’s still 77 F. It’s only going to get hotter from here. A selfish part of me knew I needed to keep my fans in case we need them.

The heat exhausted woman left. I felt empty.

Finally, we got some food. At some food pantries I’ve been to you get to choose what you get. This was a “you get what you get” sort of deal. Which is fine.

I was excited when I peaked at the four grocery bags from the pantry but decided to look completely when we got home.

Once I started putting food away did I start to feel stupid. Stupid as in, “you deserve what you’re getting for assuming your problems will be fixed with one pantry visit”.

We got a box full of glazed donuts. I was so excited until I picked the box up and noticed it was physically and visibly wet. The donuts leaked on the kitchen table. The expiration date said July 1st. Today is July 11th.

I don’t mind eating expired food but these were inedible. My partner tried microwaving one to give it a taste test. He isn’t usually squeamish with food but he couldn’t even swallow one bite.

Oh well.

The rest of the food was alright. There’s some things I’m very grateful for, like eggs, sausage patties and biscuit mix. Canned fruit cocktail. We also got some frozen catfish fillets! I have never cooked catfish before but my partner is excited to possibly fry it. Those things I’m very excited for.

There were some other things I am kind of bummed over. We got a large bag of frozen blueberries, which I’m glad to have…but we already had frozen blueberries. They happen to also be one of my least favorite fruits lol. Food is good though and beggars can’t be choosers. So now I just have an abundance of blueberries. I’ll have to find a recipe. Maybe blueberry pancakes.

I got a large can of pork from the pantry. I’ll save it in case of emergencies, but canned meat makes me feel so sick.

Picture from online for reference lol.

Now I’m home for the day and I feel like I should be doing more. Even though I’ve done a lot of things already today, I can’t help but feel time slipping through my fingers sitting on this shitty couch.

As I sit, I feel like I should go find another food pantry, hustle around town, anything that could help us survive. But my body is saying stay home.

I’ve talked to too many new people today. I don’t know if I can handle going to any more food pantries and explaining our financial situation over and over to people who have heard worse.

I’m going to fill a bowl, smoke out the window, and maybe try eating some of the new food.

I am excited for the food I can make. Now I could make breakfast sandwiches with the biscuit mix, frozen sausage patties and leftover American cheese slices from the fridge.

I know we will be okay. Every day things slowly get better.

#journal #mental health #struggle #w33d #food #food pantry #food scarcity #broke #writing #writer #bro idk #yowzah #poverty #blog #blogging

[aghostpost]

An Indecent Proposal (Kento Nanami x Reader)

A/N: This is gonna be multiple chapters, just a heads up! For all my jjk lovers and Nanami simps (self included duh)! This is chapter 1. Hope you enjoy~ ♥

4:28 in the afternoon. That’s two and a half hours of unofficial overtime.

“Shauna, I need dinner reservations tomorrow night at Edo for 7, 7:30 at the latest. I want the back room, and for the love of everything holy, do not seat us near the restrooms.”

“You want a last minute dinner rez at one of the busiest restaurants in the city on a Saturday night. Did I get that right?”

“I’ve seen you make miracles happen before.”

That makes a total of about seven and a half hours of overtime over the last three days.

“Yup, I’ll have everything emailed to you before we dive back in Monday morning.”

Now that I think about it, I’ve been going nonstop for what? Eight, nine days now? Holy fuck. If I wasn’t getting a commission the size of Atlas’ biceps I would have passed this client off months ago.

“Great job, guys. Enjoy the casino, enjoy the hotel. Relax, grab some drinks; you all earned it.”

I was actually the one that deserved it. Hell, I deserved an all expenses paid vacation, sunbathing butt naked on a yacht sailing the French Riviera.

I sighed. There was no sense in dwelling on anything at all that would not expedite this casino deal trip. Whining didn’t pay the bills or for my Mercedes to get detailed. In fact, overtime is exactly what did, no matter how much it sapped every drop of energy I had stored inside these tired ol’ bones. The herd thinned in the hotel conference room, everyone filing out after another long day of negotiations until I was the last man standing. I sighed, taking a seat at the head of the long mahogany table, gently twisting myself from side-to-side. I closed my eyes in deep thought, taking advantage of the moment’s peace I was finally given.

I just needed to make it through this weekend. Myself and a small team of associates were tasked by our law firm with overseeing our client’s purchase of the Paradisio Casino. Technically it was a conveyance, since our client bought out the place from the previous owner, but that was neither here nor there. We’d been working on this deal for months and finally, after this last week of finalizing agreements and signing this or that contract, running over every document with a fine tooth comb, we were wrapping up our business. Typically I didn’t opt to spearhead teams for acquisitions of this magnitude; the daily migraines and babysitting of interns and the few newborn junior associates was more than enough to choose being a team player over a leader. But when one of the names on the building personally handpicks you, you show up, zero questions asked, and you make sure they made the right choice in choosing you.

The bulk of the work was finished today. All I had left of this trip was a few minor loose ends to tie and a congratulatory dinner with our client, and then I could fly back home and get back to normalcy: expensive business brunches and assessing properties with realtors for whatever ambitious young couple I represent looking to buy a space for their… I don’t know, fucking pet cafe? I reclined in the rolling desk chair, staring blankly at the ceiling. “Fuck.” I don’t remember the last time I truly felt this tapped, like I’d just run the real estate attorney decathlon. I kept reminding myself I’d soon reap the fruits of my labor, but I was reaching the point of feeling like I had deluded myself. This particular assignment was the kinda work that would gray my hair early if I kept at it. This was certainly a one time and one time only operation for me.

I spent some more time on my laptop drafting a few emails to send before I decided my work day was officially over, because once I clock out, I really clock out. When my eyes started to glaze over and my screen read less like English and more like hieroglyphics, that was my queue to finally gather my shit and head to my hotel room. The moment I swiped my keycard and crossed the threshold I kicked off my heels, my feet instantly relieved by the cool marble flooring as I padded my way to the full length mirror beside the wardrobe. I stared at myself as I undressed, admiring the best parts of my body and fully ignoring the parts that needed fine tuning. What I noticed most was how drained I looked. I felt like no matter how long I stayed in bed, I wouldn’t return to how youthful I was prior to this case. This shit essentially shaved about four years from my goddamn life. I spoke to the virtual assistant offered in all the rooms here and asked for the time; a gentle female voice with an accent I couldn’t quite pinpoint informed me it was 6:33pm. I pulled on the complimentary bathrobe and grabbed my laptop before I climbed onto the plush bed. I checked my email for what I said would be the last time of the evening, but I knew better than to believe myself. I didn’t make it to my position by not making myself readily available for anything my career required of me.

Live for the job, die for the job. Loser.

“Shut the hell up.” I rolled my eyes, both at my own thoughts and also at the fact I was now speaking out loud to myself. I always thought that people that I’d catch talking to themselves were always stressed out and typically overworked, but I ignored that when it came to myself. My rules never applied to me, except the rule that says my rules don’t apply to me. I didn’t argue with my logic.

Unfortunately, that tiny negative thought I just planted had already taken root, and now I did feel like a fuckin’ loser. I encouraged everyone to enjoy the weekend and here I was, in bed before seven and checking emails. The most excitement I had came from an email I spotted from my personal shopper saying he got a Christian Dior connect to hold goods for me now. But I recognized this pattern: whenever he hooked up with a new guy, there were perks I’d reap the benefits from until they had some inevitable falling out and the perks stopped. Knowing Devin’s penchant for self sabotage with every relationship he’s had since being in my employ, I rushed to open a browser tab to the Christian Dior site; I had to jump on this one stat.

I shot him an email with the link to two bags I wanted and felt a little better about beating myself up, but it wasn’t enough. Why was I holed up in here? Surely the casino was big enough that I wouldn’t find myself tagging along with interns and baby lawyers, right? And if not, I was in the city! There was plenty to do here, an abundance of places to be someone else other than Y/N Y/L/N, loser at law.

“... Fuck it.” I slammed my laptop shut, knowing if I stayed on it any longer I’d be looking for porn to top myself off and wind up passing out before the sun fully fucking set. I hopped off the bed and set a playlist for the night, connecting my phone to the virtual assistant, and went to take a quick shower to refresh myself and wash away any residual thoughts of loserdom. I had no set plan for tonight, so I needed to wear an anything goes kind of fit. And black. Black was as “anything goes'' as it gets, and had the magical effect of making me feel like I could conquer the world when I wore it. I settled on a classic LBD that hugged all the right curves and bulges, and some ruching that hid all the undesired ones. The square neckline tastefully, not desperately, showcased the girls, while long mesh sleeves offered a peek at my skin underneath that made you want to peel them back for a better look, maybe even a touch. The dress came to mid-thigh, my legs glowing and smooth as butter, courtesy of the full body massage and scrub I treated myself to prior to the trip. I always made sure to get any and all grooming and maintenance done before traveling, since I never knew what trouble I’d kick up in a town I had the security of knowing I’d never see any hookups again once I left. Bootycalls aside, when I felt my best I performed my best at work, and I never felt better than I did after waxing and exfoliating myself dolphin smooth.

I piled the curly mess on my head into a messy but sexy top bun, threw on some gold hoops and a few complimenting rings before finishing a simple yet effective makeup look. Begrudgingly I climbed into some black heels with thin straps I had to wrap and tie around my ankles, and finally I was able to spritz on some perfume, grab my clutch and head out for the night. I decided I would kick my evening off downstairs at the hotel bar for a drink or two and give myself more time to figure out what the hell I wanted to do tonight.

“How are we startin’ the night off, hun?” the bubbly brunette behind the bar asked me, setting a bar napkin before me as I seated myself on the vinyl bar stool.

“I think I’ll take a gin and tonic with a squeeze of lime.”

“You got it.” I rested my clutch before me and took small glances at my surroundings. I didn’t spot anyone from the firm, and wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Yes, it would be refreshing not to have to discuss work even at a lighthearted capacity, or go through the big wow moment of someone seeing me informally and in outside clothing. But also I wouldn’t have minded being in familiar company. No matter. I didn’t hesitate when it came to striking conversation with a stranger. Once my drink was placed on the bar napkin, I pinched my straw for a sip as I spun around on my stool, crossing my right leg over my left. I surveyed the room for potential; naturally I looked for moneybags. Not because I needed a man with money to entertain me, or for any other reason, but I was used to doing so for work. People with money tended to want to buy new property, which meant a textbook of real estate laws for acquiring said property, which is where I came in.

I thought maybe I’d have better luck at the casino, where at least the highrollers would be a lot easier to spot, until I made eye contact with a particular gentleman. I wasn’t inclined to point out physical features as checks off the list, since being attractive wasn’t a sign of significant wealth. Instead, I noticed the quality of the clothes he was wearing, his watch if he was wearing one, and above all else his shoes. You could tell just about anything about a man by what he had on his feet. Unfortunately my view was a bit obstructed by another bar patron, but I was almost certain he’d approach me after the look I just gave before rotating back to facing the bar.

But not before I noticed the aforementioned bar patron, and he got a glance at me for a fleeting moment the same time I spotted him.

Now I was very good at playing out of sight, out of mind. The moment I turned my back to him he ceased to exist in this room. The one, single time I broke my rule and slept with a co-worker, although technically we didn’t work directly together under the same firm, my decision found a way to kick me in the ass. I ran into Kento Nanami a handful of times at work-related functions. I was a  conveyancer, a real estate lawyer to the common man, at Hilman & Klein, and he was a financial advisor at another building in the same work district. Our paths often crossed; he would represent some pretty big silent investors, and I was usually the one convincing people like him to have their employer hire me in the event they wanted to buy new properties. As it happens, we had the same boss this time around. Because we didn’t work in the same office, it was so easy to avoid him, so it never even crossed my mind that he would possibly be here.

And now here we were.

You know that android isn’t gonna make a fuss, shut up.

True. Kento was far too callous in my opinion to even think to come over here and kick up dust. Actually, that was part of why I figured him an ideal candidate for a work conference hookup; he seemed pretty cut and dry, like the last person to react in any fashion that would complicate a strictly just sex situation. A simple one and done! I always chalked it up to the alcohol that he was even showing any inkling of emotion during our little tryst. But that was just one night, and every interaction after that was as if it never even happened which I couldn’t be more thankful for. My shoulders relaxed as I let out a sigh of relief and ordered a shot of tequila to snuff out any budding tension in my nerves. I looked over my shoulder to see if I could find my mystery guy, and instead I was met with Kento about three and a half steps away from me.

Fuck!

“Are you shittin’ me…” I mumbled under my breath to myself, my jaw clenching. I quickly faced forward. Maybe I’d need more than just one shot.

“Did you just arrive today?” he asked, helping himself to the bar stool to my right.

“Nope. Kinda been leading this whole thing. Been here since Tuesday.”

“Hm. Funny, this is my first time seeing you and I’ve been here since Sunday.”

“You been lookin’ for me, Kento?”

“Not particularly.”

Lying fuck.

I rolled my eyes. “Where’s that white-haired hemorrhoid that usually tags along with you?”

“Gojo’s around here somewhere, probably harassing your interns.”

“Like a fox in the hen house. Of course they’ll eat up whatever he throws their way, too.” Finally a tiny glass of tequila rimmed with salt slid across the bar for me, a lime wedge placed on my napkin along with it.

“He has a way of charming the impressionable.”

I shook my head and lifted my glass. “They’re not impressionable, just dumb.” I licked my rim, took my shot and quickly sucked the lime wedge immediately after. “Besides, I’d never admit this to him directly but he’s got an impressive reputation in our field.”

“So he charmed you at some point as well?”

I scoffed, reaching into my clutch for some cash to settle my tab. “The moment Satoru opened his mouth, whatever respect I had for him was blasted to shit. I’m impressed by his performance as a lawyer, nothing else.” I tossed a crisp hundred onto the bar and slid from my stool. “Give him another round of whatever he’s having, on me, and keep the change.”

“You know, you don’t have to scurry off every time we run into each other at one of these things.”

Ignored. “I’m assuming you’ll be at the dinner tomorrow night?”

“I am chief financial advisor for our mutual client. I helped seal this deal as much as anyone else.”

I rolled my eyes. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow night then, Kento.”

“Y/L/N.”

Snooty tight ass. That last name only shit was always his first class ticket under my damn skin. It always felt kinda condescending, like I was being half-assed acknowledged. On my way out I scanned the room one final time for Mr. Mystery to no avail, so I headed in the direction of the casino. I reached into my clutch once again to exchange enough cash into chips to get me into the highrollers den. I wasn’t a gambler by any means, but for a night I could be. I looked around for a table that wasn’t too busy and found a blackjack table with my name on it. Only two other players, both old, both women.

“Any drinks for you tonight, miss?” the floor attendant came beside me to ask.

I looked to my left with a friendly smile. “Ladies, what are we drinking?”

I wound up with a Long Island for myself, and a cran-vodka and an Arnold Palmer for my two new friends. I sat for a couple hands just spectating before getting in on the action myself. I wound up winning six hands and losing three before bidding my girls good luck with the rest of their evening and heading to the next table.

“There’s my girl!” I heard booming behind me, over the arcade-like chimes of slot machines. I turned around and wished to every holy deity that I hadn’t. “Now the fun can really begin!”

“Stop before people think we know each other!”

“We missed you earlier; I thought for sure you’d be at the meeting with the new owner.” He instantly hooked his arm around my neck and pulled me closer to him.

“Jesus-” I sighed as I struggled to free myself from his grip, readjusting my dress. “I was in a closing meeting all day. I’ll be seeing him tomorrow night.”

“A night visit from the big man?” he asked suggestively, wiggling his stark white brows. “Women have it so easy.”

“It’s only been three minutes, snowflake. Usually the sexism doesn’t kick in for an hour.”

“Luckily for you, I’m already four drinks and three shots in, so you’ll hafta excuse me.”

“Any drinks for you two tonight?” another floor attendant came around to ask.

“Yes! I-” Satoru started.

“-He’s fine, but I’ll take another Long Island, thank you.” The attendant smiled with a nod and a be right back before he was on his way.

“Booooo. Keep it up and you might tie with Nanamin for biggest buzzkill, Y/N.”

Oh fuck. That reminded me: if Satoru was here, it was safe to assume that Kento wasn’t far behind. “Actually,” I said with a playful grin, “why don’t you take my drink. I’m gonna go find the ladies room.”

"Now we’re talkin’,” he exclaimed with excitement and his signature smile showcasing every tooth in his fat head.

I laughed to myself as I made a dash for it, successfully shaking Snow White and making my way to a craps table in my view. As a rule I never rolled dice, too worried I’d cause everyone at the table to lose money, so I sat comfortably as a spectator and sized up the flow of things. I chose a good horse to bet on and began stacking my chips when it was their turn to roll, my fresh Patron margarita with me. As I sipped I chuckled to myself thinking of whether or not Satoru had figured out I was gone with the wind while he was drinking my Long Island.

“C’mon, big money big money. Mama needs a new Boston brownstone…”

“Final bets!” the dealer called. I stared at the table eagerly when an arm extended beside me, dropping two $100 chips on the table. Immediately the sexy watch around his wrist screamed at me, so I turned to look at the body and the man it was attached to.

“Didn’t peg you as a gambling man.”

“When in Rome.”

“Are you stalking me now, Kento?”

“Gojo told me he saw you headed in this direction.”

How the fuck did he know?! My eye twitched infinitesimally. I’d have some words for him at the dinner tomorrow that I’m almost certain he’d be attending. “You lookin’ for me?”

My horse rolled the dice, and both my chips and Kento’s were removed from the table. Fuck. I collected another $100 chip and placed the same bet; it would take more than one bad roll for me to give up on my trusty steed. I noticed Kento placed the same $200 bet, the show off.

“I would like to talk to you.”

“About? I’m off the clock.”

“Nothing work-related, technically.”

Technically? “Can it wait?”

“I think it’s waited long enough,” he spoke as he raised his plastic cup to his lips. “Don’t you?” he asked before taking a sip of the iced dark brown liquid.

I sighed. “What is there to talk about?”

“Not that I need to spell it out for you, but I will, if that’s the game you’re playing. The San Francisco conference.”

Another roll, this one kinder than the last. Both of our chips doubled and while I removed mine from the table, Kento left his to remain in the exact same position. “What about it? It came, it went.”

“Well, did I screw up somehow that night?”

I turned to him with a look of incredulity, an arched brow shooting upward. “What??”

“Did I say anything I shouldn’t have?”

Okay, maybe I was wrong about him being extremely indifferent and robotic. A person that truly could not care wouldn’t be asking me questions like this. I scoffed before taking another sip of my cocktail. “No, Kento.”

“Then perhaps it was something I did.”

I took a quick jog down memory lane to recount that evening. It was a long day of meetings, convention panels, and a lot of networking that inevitably proved very fruitless. I remember how annoyed I was that most of the activities I participated in that day were mandatory for the firm, so I was grateful I would be flying back home the following morning. This was almost two years ago, and at that point I had been working at Hillman & Klein for almost 4 years, which seems like a long time in theory but I was still considered fresh blood around the place. I wanted to show up and be a team player and do so with a smile but fuck I couldn’t wait to get back home. It’s common practice for these work events to end with a bang. While others opted to indulge in more questionable party favors, I was fine with just drinking that night. That’s how I wound up bumping into Satoru at the open bar and two of his good friends, Suguru and of course Kento. I grew tired of drunkenly mixing up the two names so I wound up spending more time talking to Kento.

Initially I thought he was incredibly boring and for the life of me couldn’t see how someone like Satoru wound up with a friend like him. The two were apples and oranges, night and day. I just enjoyed flirting with him that night, watching the muscles in his face pull just slightly in reaction to my toying with him. Not to mention that he was a fairly attractive man and he could keep up with me on an intellectual level, maybe even teach me a thing or two. He wasn’t a hard man to like, aside from him constantly appearing like he didn’t wanna be bothered. I could see how a nuisance like Satoru Gojo had fun poking at Kento, as I soon found joy in doing the same. Somehow I bullied him right into my room that night, and one thing led to another. As memories of our bedroom jostling came flooding back to me, I couldn’t think of one single thing that could have been misconstrued as bad, in behavior or performance. He was just shy of the perfect gentleman once I chiseled away at his cold exterior, and to my surprise he wasn’t bad in the sack, either.

Not bad at all.

I snapped back to the present before my imagination got the better of me and eyed Kento. The expression on his face of course didn’t match any of the concern for me that he spoke. He was staring at me while I stood reminiscing, and sighed at my silence and redirected his attention back to the craps table. “It was nothing you did,” I finally said.

“So nothing I did, and nothing I said. Hm.”

“What answer you lookin’ for in particular?” I finished my drink and took a partially melted ice cube in my mouth.

“I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out why you avoid me the way you do, but if you’ve got nothing and I’ve got nothing then the answer is simple: you just dislike me.”

My ice crunching was promptly interrupted by an eruption of laughter. This man was no robot at all! “Wait, what? That’s the conclusion you came to??”

He looked at me for a moment before placing another bet. “Was that funny?” he asked as he continued idly thumbing his chips and staring at the table, clearly not amused.

I composed myself, swallowing the ice threatening to fall from my mouth. “It’s a bit of a stretch, no?”

“You have yet to tell me a better reason…”

“Tell you what: you win this roll, I’ll tell you.”

He smacked his teeth under his breath. “And if I don’t?” He sipped his drink again, side eyeing me.

I shrugged. “Then it’s business as usual. I see you, we exchange pleasantries, and then go about our day.”

“I hardly call anything after San Francisco pleasant… ”

I stepped a bit closer to him and stared with anticipation at the table, eager to see what fate was in store for curious little Kento. “Don’t be dramatic, I haven’t been that bad. Besides, that was like two years ago.”

“Hm.” He said nothing else and as the dealer called for final bets, we watched in complete silence.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #nanami #nanami x reader #nanami kento #kento nanami #kento x reader

[theuniversalscat]

Everything is ok.

It’s a common phrase I use, when I’m feeling a mixed bag of emotions, and someone asks, or, if I’m trying to convince myself that I’m fine.

Both words imply “not good”, because if all were good, it wouldn’t be less than that, which means that there’s something less than desired in my thoughts, and feelings. And when I reply with, “it’s ok”, I usually just leave it at that. And usually the reply is pretty much glazed over, and life moves on in the same fashion.

So I did an experiment with myself just now. It’s 4:25 a.m. where I am, and I’m awake, also not normal, when I should be asleep, indicating that perhaps I’m not “good”. I said, “Hi Kari, How are you?” And the answer, surprised me. I started feeling, which is normal, but noticing how I feel isn’t exactly my “go to” all the time until it’s a really “advanced” feeling, meaning that it’s a feeling that has gained so much momentum that I can’t ignore it. It may have felt subtle, almost imperceptible prior to my asking. But when I asked myself how I was and I focused on the answer, I started to notice a few physical things that were brought to my attention by me.

I felt acid reflux, right when I said it. Now, I live with acid reflux, and have for years, but at that point I hadn’t noticed I was experiencing it. I also detected sadness, in my heart area, and my solar plexus, and my throat was tight; all more extreme indications of the parts of me that made me just, “ok” and not, “good”.

So, sometimes I find, that by checking in with myself, which I admittedly don’t do as often as I could, I can bring attention to the parts of me that need my love, and tending. And, as cheesy as that may sound to the harder, more judgmental parts of myself, it makes a huge difference in the overall quality of how I want to experience my life, and how I want to spend more of my time feeling, so I deem it as pretty important.

So when I’m feeling this way, and after I bring attention to it, how do I go from just “ok” to “good”? Here’s my findings: I don’t need fixing. It’s natural to feel less than good sometimes. I have been working on myself for so long that i believe that my body is starting to try to figure out things to do and feel to work on to make better. Maybe. Or maybe it’s because I don’t feel like being public about what’s really going on inside of me. Regardless of the reasons, it’s just how I’m feeling, sleep deprived at now 4:39 a.m., who knows? As my grandma used to say, “only the shadow knows…” and I’m pretty sure she got that from an old radio show called, “the shadow”. And since I have no way of asking him how the hell he would know how I feel, and I don’t, then I’m pretty much all by myself trying to figure it out.

I’ve noticed that sometimes just being aware of how I feel is enough to bring peace to the parts of myself that feel “ignored”. And that’s all it takes to feel slightly better. That, and yes, telling yourself that you’re there, and that you’re “listening”, like Dr. Frazier Crane from Frazier, circa late 90’s. If you’ve never seen that show you’re missing out. It brought self awareness to a whole new level for me. I was a T.V. Junkie and also a person who lived inside my head most of the time, so I resonated with that show a lot. I usually gravitated towards shows that, for the most part, helped me feel good; and that was definitely one of them. How I felt, even back then with a different self awareness, was important to me.

So, in conclusion, I’m going to bed with more self awareness then I went with, and a slightly different perspective then when I first started writing. And I now notice that my acid reflux has dissipated a bit, and the tightness around my throat has lessened, and my solar plexus seems pretty pleased that I shared my thoughts, and my heart, as I checked in just now, seems more full than it had been, maybe from just knowing that I don’t need “fixing”. That maybe I just need to be reminded by myself, that I care. 🫶💓👍

Goodnight. And at the risk of improper grammar… Sleep “good”. ☺️🛌

#life blogging #love #me #feel the love #love is all around #love is #peace #big love #sleep well #sleepless #sleeping #sleep #sleep issues #sleep is important #sleep is good #goodnight ✌️ #goodnight #😴 #💤 #and I’m feeling good #my face #selfie #selfies

[pbandjesse]

I have a wild headache that just started like a half hour ago. James thinks it's the vaccine and claims this has happened every time. I don't remember. I just know I feel like I'm going to throw up. I hope this passes quick because I am not having a good time.

Today wasn't all bad. But I just didn't feel very good for most of it. Thankfully our ac has been nice in here, I actually just left it running all day and all the rooms are comfortable. They aren't perfect but it's way better than the extreme heat that is outside. It was wildly hot out there. Being in the sun was not fun. But I made the most of the day.

I had really really active dreams last night. About camp and James and night time. Hiking. And biking. And it was just a lot. So when I woke up when James was leaving for work I was exhausted. I did not go back to sleep though. I thought it would be better to get up and try to do the things I had planned on doing today.

This would not exactly work out. I was supposed to go to the museum at 4 to watch the jazz concert with James. And my brain was so stress about this. It did not matter that it was currently 9am. I was stressed.

This lead me to not accomplish a lot of the stuff I wanted to do. I couldn't do any art. Because every time I tried to do anything I would get do winded and dizzy I had to lay down. I had a donut and milk for breakfast and thought I was doing good. I liked my outfit. My hair looked really nice with the new glaze. I felt cute. But I couldn't get it together.

I did make sure my bag was packed for tomorrow. But then I had to lay down.

Dad texted me so I called him and we talked for a while. I miss him but he sounded good. He told me about when him and mom got married and how his family acted, how he knew him and mom were going to be a team and to not worry about everyone else. I appreciated that. The reminder that I'm marrying my best friend and my number one team mate. Love my dad for making that more clear for me.

I am more positive about the wedding though. Feeling more secure. Things will be alright and it will be beautiful and good. 82 days to go.

After I got off the phone with dad I decided I should go out. I decided to go for a drive and go out to the two Goodwill's on the national parkway. I don't actually like either of these Goodwill's but it is a nice drive and a change of pace from the savers.

And that's what I needed. A little change of scenery. And I had a nice time. The first goodwill is always dark and a little dirty but it cheaper. I found a ridiculous snowman sweater dress and I love it. And I got a little framed drawing and a glass pig. Me and the cashier has some laughs about my purchases and it made me smile. I felt more myself, it helped shake off whatever weird feelings I had today.

I went to the other goodwill that's like 10 minutes from the dirty one. And this one I hate. They are always so rude there and everything is wildly oceroriced. I did not buy anything but I liked looking around. I almost bought the rock sandals but not for $14.

I wanted to eat something after that but nothing sounded good. There was a sonic out there but the line was so long. And I didn't want taco bell or any of the other fast food I passed. I stopped at five below and got nail polish and some candy. But that wasn't food . And then the GPS took me a terrible way home (probably because of the traffic on the highway I had seen coming out there) and I ended up new where Wildwood was there I used to teach. Almost all of the shopping center was closed or burnt down. Shame. I hope the kids I used to be with are doing well. They should be in 7th or 8th grade now?? Wild.

I finally settled on Wendy's because I was almost home and it was the only thing left. I got cheese fries and a soda and it did make me feel a little better.

But man. It was so hot. And I was tired. I really wanted a nap but it was 2 and I needed to be at the museum before 4 and I was just to anxious about that. So I just chilled and watched a video and tried to relax. I fixed myself up and would leave here a little before 330.

And even though I did not enjoy being hot I really did enjoy the jazz music with James. We sat in our camp chair, and I overheard people saying how cool it was. And there were kids running around and dancing and it was so sweet. I was tired and closed my eyes and just listened. We are some of the candy I had gotten earlier. And after the concert I helped out the chairs away and chatted with Estelle until me and James could head out and go to the ER for my next dose of the rabies vaccine.

We had to wait longer this time. Triage and all that. But eventually I got to go back and we had to wait a bit but we werent there horribly long. Poor James was very tired. And I was very tired. But the nurse who gave me the injection was great and it didn't hurt at all?? Like if it didn't bleed I would maybe be concerned she didn't actually give it to me. What a soft hand.

We got to leave pretty fast after that and went to potbelly to get sandwiches. Which I accidently got a larger size then I wanted but it was fine. It was good to eat. And be with James. But we were both very tired. And soon after we got back to the car was when my head started pounding.

It is getting slightly better now. I took a shower when we got home. And that helped a little bit I felt so nauseous from the pain in my eyes. Which is still there. I am sipping water and trying to calm myself. But I really just want to sleep.

I sort of wish I felt comfortable taking time off from camp but I just don't. I hope this week is good. That I'm not wildly stressed out. We are seeing and it can really go both ways. I think I will do more machine sewing then hand stitching. Honestly that is easier for me, not having the thread a million needles. So I packed up all my thread and extra needles and we will hope for the best.

I hope you all have a good day tomorrow. Take care of yourself. Sleep good.

[samtheflamingomain]

the zen art of teaching boomers to sing

The bar I work at does karaoke on Saturdays.

Before I really get to my point, let me set up our main characters. Believe me, the story is worth it, I'm making this post in a rare state of optimism for humanity.

There are about 10 regulars that always come in for karaoke night. It's been about 6 months. At the beginning, it was only me and Deb the bartender who would sing.

Today, every one of those regulars has at least one song they will do at karaoke. But they also just fuckin jam out, absolutely get hyped by anyone singing.

Not to jerk myself off, but I truly am a part of how 10 sing-shy boomers went from "never, no way, not singing" to "WHOSE BED HAVE YER BOOTS BEEN UNDER?". There's 2 mics. If someone is ready to give it a go, I say "I'll sing with you if you want."

I never really realized until karaoke started that I have a lot of songs memorized without trying. To go back to Shania's Boots, it's Mary's song. I knew it more or less the first time we sang it. I knew there was a key change coming despite only every hearing it rarely on the radio. I don't particularly like her (or hate her) but I heard the song enough over my 29y that I could predict the key change and also warn her of it.

We get a few bars of rest and I say into her ear because it's loud and I'm quiet: "The next line is a key change. You'll have to sing a little higher".

And she nails is. Which reminds me, none of our singers are bad. Not even close.

Roy, 60s, "Can't You See" - his voice is raspy and loud and it works great.

Janice, 55, Shania, but also "Dog Days Are Over" - she's fast with the words and has a lilted voice that really mimics Florence well.

Mary, late 60s - Shania, but also "American Pie" start to finish no lyrics. I can too, but I made an actual effort on it.

Art, 50 - Nirvana. I love me some Smells Like Teen Spirit. We can both do the raspy, grungy voice needed for the chorus.

Don, 60s - Sorry, 63 - his favorite is "When I'm 64" by The Beatles. And Love Me Do by The Beatles. And I'll cut the joke here cuz quite literally, he will only sing their songs. But he gives so much passion into it that it makes up for not always being on-key. His performances are just as enjoyable as anyone else's.

Dar is Don's wife and is the only one who won't sing becaus she had throat cancer and we don't press her because I personally don't think she could get thru a quick "Hit the Road Jack". But she's a goldmine for requests. Tonight she said, "Hey Sam! What's the song from Wizard of Oz?"

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow."

"Can you do that?"

Sure can. I nail it. She bursts into tears halfway through. She sang it when she did the high school musical in 1970 and that's how Don fell for her. I had no idea.

I learn so much about all my friends through the very basic, natural human phenomenon of sharing song.

I've made 90% of my point, but here's the last little feel-good-hit for ya.

Tonight we had a rando table of 6, 3 adults 3 kids. After they ate and got used to the fact that a bunch of old people are trying to sing the one kid said can I have a turn?

I happened to be out front sweeping and she was very iffy about it. The regulars were like "you can do it!" as they always do when new people want to sing. But I can imagine it being a bit overbearing in her shoes.

Deb is really good at getting a song out of someone. "Who's your favorite singer? Favorite song? We can put lyrics on the iPad for you." (Tangent but how adorable is it for a boomer to explain the concept of an iPad to a gen Alpha lolll)

"Um. Flowers?" (Miley). Deb's eyes glaze over and I take control of the machine and boot it up. I put the ipad in front of this 11-13yo girl with dozens of eyes on her and she goes "nevermind no I can't no nevermind sorry no sorry sorry"

I say, "What if I sing it?" She'd already heard me do a few songs so she knows I Can Sing. I made a point to say that I'll sing, she doesn't have to. But she held onto the mic, so she could either jump in anytime or not and I'll just sing it, no pressure. Her dad said "You can do it!" And the regulars cheered her on.

I started the song by myself, she's beet red in the face. I almost got the sense that this would actually be traumatizing instead of helpful for this poor kid being pressured by a bunch of adults--- oh okay she's COMING IN.

This kid outsang me by far. I'm not 100% confident in Flowers but holy fuck this kid had pipes and put me to shame and I made that clear as soon as she dropped in. I purposely sang quieter to let her shine. By the end, she was doing a little dance, just moving around a bit, making eye contact and letting loose.

I dislike children, but I believe it takes a village and I'm a part of that village so I will treat children with respect even if they annoy me. I got lucky with this kid who was very respectful and I genuinely enjoy seeing children enjoy themselves.

(Tangent: I go to lots of local hockey games, lots of kids. Deb always takes me and she always gets annoyed when kids do dumb shit. It's a fuckin hockey game not a library, let them get crazy. In general, I like seeing people be happy - and I used to not. But now I see someone on the big screen doing a dumb survey for a hat and I will legit clap when they win, I've learned to love seeing people having a good time even if it's a better time than I'm having if that makes sense)

Then this girl went onto "The Climb" just a great range. I held my mic but I only sang when she didn't seem able to reach the note or understand the key. She still did just fine, got thunderous applause.

I was personally tipped a cool 50$ bill from her father as they left. And this is the quote that made my night and made me write this: "She's been really in a shell since Covid started. That was the first time she's really faced a crowd like that... I think she'll have a nice memory of tonight because of you." I was close to tearing up. A pause. "It's been a long time since I've seen her that happy." Aaaand the tears go.

I truly appreciate the gift I have, being adaptable and being able to bring people out of their shells. It's like giving v receiving gifts - giving always feels better.

Use whatever you have to help others. Boom, point landed.

Stay Greater, Flamingos

#karaoke #children #singing #stage fright #sam

[soufsidesiren]

blog entry 7: the discipline of rest

it's been two tomorrows since my last entry. i spent monday morning cooking and baking off my 5lb zucchini baby. training at the studio went well in the afternoon. there wasn't really anything in the studio yet so it was brief, but i made a new antiquing friend in my coworker. she's a retired southern woman whose family has lived in this town for generations. after our training, she took me over to this old house and shed turned vintage and antique marketplace and there are sooooo many trinkets. i love anyone who respects and appreciates a good quirky trinket. we've already got plans to go to the monthly antique market together next month. it feels like i've unlocked a vintage shopping infinity stone.

i had plans to head to the city after training, but a headache and my body's strong desire for rest led me back home. as all of the things i have been waiting to accomplish come to fruition slowly but surely. i have been fighting the old feelings that my dreams have to come at the expense of my own well-being. from high school to college into my first full time job i was always exhausting myself and using that exhaustion as an indicator of my success. these days my rest has been a privilege that i have come to know very well. as i am called into action, i am actively working on the communication between my mind and body to shift that privilege into an intentional practice. rest as a strong discipline. a choice. a priority. i am my best self when creating from a rested body and mind and as i enter into life as a full-time artist having access to a full rested creative center is really important.

tuesday i headed into the city. stopping at my new favorite coffee shop for a warm matcha and quick conversation. another connection made across the counter with a community organizer looking for arts instructors to provide educational events for the black queer community in atlanta. we exchange info. another seed sown.

my day at the station is productive. i glaze, trim, and throw a couple pieces. and finally get the ball rolling on my first classes for next month which starts with a couple calls to the ceramic supply center for a quote on the materials i need to start firing the kiln. i leave the station when my body has had enough. just in time to catch the beginning sunset on my ride home. i watch sun tuck in for the night and the thinnest silver of the moon hang between the oranges and blues from my sunroof in the parking lot of steak and shake. belly full. i head to the farmers market to grab some fresh veggies for the week. i've learned to never shop on an empty stomach. i opt for the evening murmur of the after-work shoppers between aisles over my usual curated playlist and headphone combo. a young boy explores the sugar cane, thai bananas, and curious root vegetables with his mother. "what's this ma? can we try it? so this is like a green stick of sugar? how come they don't have this at kroger?" his mother happily accepts each new curious addition to the cart. "just know that you are gonna have to share this with everyone when we get home" i admire her willingness to let him explore. i am remind of my weekend trips to the farmers market with my grandmother. where i learned all the new ways that foods and flavors could exist. the ride home is dark, quiet, and winding. i open the windows and listen to the woods fly by. the plastic bags in the truck rustle from the wind. i come home to my parents and a warm home. settle into a small bowl of soup and tuck in rather early. until tomorrow.

#frontporchprojects #dailyblog

[irastayshome]

Superpowers

6th July 2023

Dear Ibrahim,

I lied to you today. When you’d asked me who my favourite super hero was, I said it was Batman. To be honest, I was probably just thinking of Christian Bale, the actor who plays Batman in one of the Batman movies, because I think he is handsome. Not as handsome as your ayah though.

I even told you all about why Batman was my favourite. That he’d faced his own fears of bats and the dark, so that he would not be afraid anymore, and would no longer have a weakness that villains could prey on. Then Idris kept asking very relevant questions that interrupted this ‘inspiring’ message I was trying to give about superheroes. “Mama, what is superman afraid of?”

Hmm. Of course any fool knows about kryptonite. But if I went with that, then the predicted series of questions that’d follow would be where does kryptonite come from, what is in kryptonite that makes superman weak, how do the villains get these mysterious stones. Naturally, Idris had asked all these questions by the time I actually thought through my alternative response.

(One day, when you get married and you see your wife’s eyes glaze over or possibly pointing away from each other, or even when she’s answering you by just repeating the last word in your question with a questioning tone, you’ll know that she’s actually not really listening and doing a lot more in her mind. That is not the time to ask her important questions like what does she want for her birthday.)

But back to Idris and his innocent questions that strangely often verges on existential in nature. I thought about it, and it was actually simple, and universal for all superheroes. Why do superheroes wear a mask or disguise themselves in some way? Aside from hiding some hideous deformity, they do so because they need to remain anonymous. Not out of humility, or shame, or to intimidate. They disguise themselves to protect the ones they love from being preyed on by the superheroes’ enemies. Superman was invulnerable, as we’ve read the other day. (I hope you guys still remember my very graphic explanation of the word invulnerable.) No bullet was able to catch up to him, let alone pierce his skin. Yet the one thing that could strike him right through his heart was when villains tried to hurt Lois Lane.

To be honest my only knowledge of superman, apart from books I’ve read to you, is from Smallville, a tv show mama used to watch when I was a teenage girl. Back in Smallville, Clark Kent’s weakness was Lana Lang. Please don’t google Lana Lang. You’ll start to realise what a big beautiful world of women there are out there and I won’t be hearing anymore “mama you are the most beautiful woman in the world” anymore. I live for those affirmations you give.

There are many days when I look like I’ve moved on, and sometimes I myself am convinced that life will be okay after all without your ayah. But you see, mama puts on masks too. This mask helps me wake up, send the two of you to school with a reassuring smile and a “I love you, have a good day in school today”, have breakfast for one in the hawker centre with my prata and teh-o, then carry on with the rest of the day. There are times, however, when the mask comes off. Days that are tiring, or too noisy, or when I get reminded of the bad times when ayah was unwell or the bad times when your grandmother hurt us. The mask gets too heavy and I cannot breathe, so I take it off for a moment. And I sit and cry in the car for 20 minutes with the engine turned off. Or I wash the toilet aggressively and allow all the hurtful memories come out of my mind and into my arms, giving them strength to scrub off all those mildews. I put on my mask because I wanted to protect you and Idris from getting hurt by my hurt. Today, however, you helped me look at that mask in a different way.

Once again, I’d used hurtful words that really cut deep because I could not get the two of you into the toilet before it got dark. As we lay in the dark, both of you by my side, the air rife with the tension of skipping story time before bed, I finally let go. People are often mean because they are hurt, I said, and are not comfortable with that hurt staying inside their body, and thought they needed to let it out on someone else. It never works, and they feel worse after that because on top of that hurt they were already feeling, they now feel bad about hurting someone else too. Nobody likes feeling bad, and sometimes it makes us feel so ashamed of ourselves that we need to hide out. That’s where my mask came back on, a different mask. The one both of you are so familiar with by now. “Mama is angry at us” mask. In truth, that second mask was also a lie. More than anything, I wanted to save you from having to pluck up the courage to talk to me while I looked so angry and terrifying. But I felt I had done too much bad, that you would not believe me if I tried to apologize. Instead, I walked past you and watched you write down on a piece of paper: “I am noting, becos I am not a good boy and I am not smat”. That mask I put on, cracked in two. More than that, my heart broke in two.

The hurt mama feels, every minute of the day, is simple. I miss ayah.

I miss ayah when I wake up and I can’t hear his snores, nor can I hit him across his chest to tell him it’s his turn to make your breakfast. I miss ayah when I saw your friends and their fathers on family day, cheering them on and high-fiving them. I miss ayah when a fever is burning through my body and I cannot breathe properly, and I hear Idris call out to me to tell me he needs to poop. I miss him every minute of the day, and on some days, it is just too much hurt. It needed to come out, and the mask that I put on to protect everyone else from this hurt, was suffocating me. But I held on and on, until I saw that you had also started to put on a mask. “I am nothing” mask.

I am putting away my mask now. We do not need to protect each other from our feelings, because the only way to be kind to one another is to listen, and understand what the other person is going through. As I began to cry hard, with all the memories of ayah rushing into my head, you sat up and hugged me. I cried harder and harder and you hugged me tighter, not offering any words to save me from feeling what I was feeling. You gave me permission to take out my mask, and say what was making me hurt. And as my sobs died down to sniffles, you pulled away so you could look at me, and gave me a kiss.

Ibrahim, that is your super power. I once told you that Allah had gifted you with a huge heart, that made it easier for you to feel other people’s hurt. I’ve looked at it at one way for so long, that I’ve forgotten to look at it in a glass half full kind of way. You held space for an adult who was hurting in a deep and ugly way, who had just lashed out and attacked you for being yourself, and you helped me mend the bridge I was too ashamed to fix. Compassion is your super power, and it is more powerful and superior to any other power you think you need in this toxic world. As you looked at me, smiled and gave me a peck, I almost broke into tears once more, because it felt like dejavu. Your ayah used to look at me, and kiss me, just like that whenever I had apologised for something I did wrong. In that moment, of me missing ayah too much I could not stop crying in the dark, you saved me.

Another day, perhaps tomorrow, I know I will start the next round of worrying about whether I am putting too much emotional responsibility on my 6-year old child and whether you’d start to feel you need to rescue me from everything. But for tonight, if ayah was indeed watching all that as I’d like to believe, then I know he would also have felt proud as I do that our son is a superhero.

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to the weekend!

Wow! Here we are again: Friday! Where did that week go? No, seriously, where did that week go?

The old fat man ran for a bus yesterday. It did not look pretty. Nevertheless, I caught my bus! Picked up the Standard and one of the headlines read, “Abs are back!” I had to laugh. I’ve never had abs. I’ve had flabs! Oh, yeah! Flabs I can do! Abs? Hmm … not sure about that one. Anyway, term will end soon and the old fat man can start walking again and, who knows, I may even break into a jog? When I catch sight of myself naked in the mirror, I am reminded of Jabba The Hut or a huge slab of honey-glazed gammon. My brother bought me some very stylish (but very tight) trousers for Christmas, and I want to wear them without showing off every contour of my groin area, so I need to reduce the size of my desk-bound belly!

My favourite soap opera is still American politics. This is one of the real joys of Twitter, you get to see what’s actually going on in the world (and many of the stories the BBC choose to ignore!) American politics is full of pantomime villains, who are barely qualified to hold an opinion let alone speak in public. Florida used to be this friendly place where I took my family on holiday, now it has turned into this cesspit of irrational hate, this unrecognisable, book-banning mess! Not sure which republic the Republicans are representing? Maybe the republic of China? Maybe the republic of Russia? More likely, the republic of their bank account! Yes, wherever there are large sums of money, you will find a corrupt politician sniffing it out.

In fact, Friday’s Standard was full of jokes. The King has thrown his son out of his UK home. As if William and Meghan plan to come back to the UK! Why would they subject themselves to ugly misogyny and racism? No guesses as to who has moved into William’s home! The real wrong ‘un!

I paid more than £300 to my energy supplier but, for some reason, I used more than £500 on gas and electricity in February. I don’t know about you but I spend my every waking moment turning off lights, unplugging devices, turning down the heating and basically waiting until it’s uncomfortable before turning the heating on. I am trying my darnedest to reduce my expenditure but, in the shortest month, I still managed to spend more than £500. As wholesale prices have gone DOWN, these prices should NOT be this high. Sadly for all of us, the prices will go UP again in April. Please note, in the last year, wholesale prices have gone DOWN. Thus, these price rises are pure profit. Why do these directors and shareholders need extra money? Because two houses is not enough. They want three. And another one that they can rent. Two cars is not enough. They want three and four, and a garage extension, so they can sit and gather value. OFGEM, the government regulator for the electricity and downstream natural gas markets in Great Britain, have done NOTHING to protect us from rampant profiteering! They are the government regulator; thus, we pay their wages. I didn’t vote for this government.

Really hope you can join me tomorrow at 1.00 p.m. for The Letter M (Pt. 1), executive producer: the very generous Jen Kyriacou.

Have a fabulous and funky Friday! I love you all. You’re probably thinking, “You don’t even know me!” but, if people can hate for no reason, why can’t I love?

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #new blog #lockdown #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #radio

[insey-bencie]

{My friend’s happiness}

The weekdays are always the same,

wake up at 6:30 am, getting dressed for school, walk to the bus stop , get onto the bus and go into my assigned seat next to my friend, my crush he makes me so happy without realizing it when I first talk to him I was so nervous of course I didn’t want to make a bad impression of myself and when we were sitting in front of each-other or glaze across the classroom I just start to smile. Then there’s my other friend I care a lot about they make my days seem more joyful than tiring or people known me as saying “I’m bored” all the time. Then a couple days ago my other friend let’s call them “bunny” (I know it’s a stupid nickname) so bunny wanted to tell me something during elective since that’s the only class we have together and remind you they told me during lunch and they were scared to tell me because he thought I was going to be upset, of course I was reassuring them that I wasn’t going to be angry or mad whatever they were going to tell me because overall I think I’m understandable person and I usually get angry really fast but this was my friend, the only friend I mostly trust with my secrets so after lunch and “lab” it become elective

I couldn’t get off my mind what he was going to tell me and usually it’s me, bunny, and my crush that sit together because we’re all friends (I have another friend but they don’t go to the same elective as I am) so bunny, and my crush were researching (goofing around and laughing at each-other) and my crush needed to go get a drink or go to the bathroom I don’t quite remember what he was going to do so then I ask bunny what they needed to tell me because I was dying to know and he said “I don’t want to tell you because your going to be mad” and then I said “I wasn’t going to be mad” then they said “you promise?” Then I said “I pinky promise” (and I always keep promises with my pinky and ik it’s childish 😭) so then we pinky promised and touched thumbs together so then he grabs a note out of his pocket I take it and read it then my crush come back to his seat next to me then I’m thinking two things

1.) bunny likes me (but probably not because I really wasn’t friends with him until later of this school year)

2.) he likes my crush.

I look at my crush then back at him multiple time and they just nod and stare of course I wasn’t mad I didn’t know how to feel so then they ask me “are you angry” I said “no” then they said “you sure” I said yea then we hugged then They say “they’re going to confess before thanksgiving break” I said “alright” even though everything made sense my crush and bunny knew each-other before me and they get along with each-other so well unlike when I’m with my crush I just hate the fact that my crush likes someone else who treats him with disrespect and just uses him like a dog on a leash and how easily he falls into her manipulative glaze swaying him to do whatever she pleases , I sometimes wish tho he sees me as her, she doesn’t understand what she missing out on and instead likes someone who looks like a disfigured, dis-formed ugly bitch of a guy that looks like a walnut.

A few days pass and I start thinking about everything my feelings, my friends feelings, Am I going to have to sacrifice my own feelings for they’re happiness? Am I starting to grow feelings for bunny? Because they make my days seem less dull? I’m not really sure quite honestly I feel confused and unsure of my own feelings I need help but I’m too scared to tell my family or my other friends and I just needed to let it out

(Pls help)

#girl help #friends #crushes #i need him #ahhhhh #pls boost #help pls