#being ace and navigating a relationship is scary | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drarrily-we-row-along · 3 months

Text

"What?" Harry asked, whined really, squirming a bit in his seat and trying not to feel too pleased. Or rather, trying not to let how pleased he was feeling show on his face.

"What, what?" Draco asked, grinning at Harry as he scooped another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth and continued to look at Harry with that particular gleam in his eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, grin stealing over his face without his permission. In his lap, his fingers twisted around themselves as his heart fluttered around in his chest.

Fond. So impossibly fond. Looking at Harry like he was absolutely enthralled by his very existence. "Like what?"

Harry opened his mouth, closed it again, and shook his head. He looked down at his hands in his lap, fingers twisting while his heart continued its merry jig. "Like you love me," he murmured, shy and terrified of being too much, of reading too much into the expression on the other man's face, afraid that he was wrong.

"Harry," Draco said, voice light with gentle laughter.

He looked up, couldn't help himself, only to see that Draco's face was still doing that. Draco was still looking at Harry with such delight, such affection, that Harry couldn't breathe with it. His body was going to simply cease to exist, it wasn't possible for him to exist when he felt this loved, when he felt this happy.

"Is that all my face is saying to you?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

He shook his head, looked away, bit his lip to stop the smile that was a product of the warmth that had spread from his chest and up his neck, warm and sweet as honey it filled his limbs, filled his brain, tried to erase his fears and doubts with more success than Harry would like, if he was being honest. Fears and doubts kept him safe, kept him from falling too far, falling too hard, falling into a place from which there was no returning.

"Do you want to tell me what else my face is saying?" he asked, teasing, and Harry ached with it.

He never wanted this moment to end. Never wanted to leave this place, leave this love, leave this perfect, crystalline day. Harry shook his head again, he couldn't say it. He couldn't tell Draco what else he saw on his face because what if he was wrong? What if he was just projecting all of his hopes and his dreams, but it wasn't really how Draco felt?

"I'm so into you," Draco sighed, resting his chin in his hand.

Harry looked up at him, couldn't help it. The smile was too big, too wide, his heart in his mouth ready to just spill his guts for what was surely not the first and hopefully not the last time.

"You're so attractive," he continued, giving Harry the words that he so longed to hear. "I love getting to spend time with you. I love when you look like this."

"Like what?" Harry asked, wondering what Draco saw when he looked at him, wondering if Harry said as loudly with his face and with his body that Draco was loved, was cherished. He wondered if Draco knew that he always wanted to be with him; always wanted to hold his hand, to cuddle on the sofa, to eat meals together, to tease him and make him laugh, to hold him when he was sad. "What do I look like?"

"Like you know you're loved," Draco said simply. "You look so happy, and I can't," he broke off, shaking his head, "I can't believe I get to be the one to put that look on your face."

He laughed, "What?" Without his permission, his fingers reached for Draco's, ghosting over his knuckles before Draco's fingers caught his and slid together.

"I love getting to make you happy," Draco said, shrugging helplessly, as he continued to look at Harry like he never wanted to look at anything else, face so open, so delighted that Harry felt like he couldn't quite look at him.

"I want to make you happy too," he said, squeezing his fingers, afraid, so afraid, that he was taking too much and unable to give Draco enough in return.

Draco lifted his hand, pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles, "You do. Harry," he said softly and Harry met his gaze once more. "You make me so happy."

"Yeah?" he asked helplessly, needing the reassurance, needing to hear the words to see his face when he said it.

"Yes," he said, huffing an incredulous laugh as he brushed his lips over Harry's knuckles once more.

"I love you." The words flooded out of his mouth, spilled between them without his permission. "So much, Draco. Do you know that too?"

"Of course I do," Draco assured softly, squeezing his hand. "Yes."

"A lot," Harry added, just in case his face wasn't as good at telling Draco as Draco's was at telling Harry. Just in case all of the love that filled up every nook and crevice in his body was being missed, just in case all of the love he felt and expressed differently was somehow not as readable, was somehow not enough.

"I know, love," he assured again, thumb brushing over Harry's wrist.

He squeezed the other man's hand, "It's different," he whispered, even though Draco already knew that, "Different than how you love me."

"Harry-" he started.

"But it's really big," he said, eyes filling with tears, "I love you so much."

"Hey," Draco said, moving so he could pull Harry into a hug, tucking him under his arm and letting Harry hide his face in his neck. "Hey," he soothed, "It's alright. I know, sweetheart. I know you love me just as much as I love you. I know."

"Promise?" Harry whispered.

He nodded, pressing his face into Harry's curls. "Yes, love. I promise. You're so good," he whispered.

He let out a soft sound, somewhere between a whimper and a word of dissent.

"You're so good. It's such a gift to be able to love you. You're such a good gift."

He wrapped an arm around Draco's waist.

"I love you," he murmured into his hair.

Harry nodded.

"Thanks for letting me," he added.

Harry hummed, he wanted to be loved more than anything, wanted this more than anything. But he could understand what Draco meant, it was scary to allow yourself to be loved, to believe that you are worthy of such a thing. Scary to imagine what could happen if you let yourself open up to the possibility of blossoming into a person who is loved, scary to imagine what would happen if you came to need someone else. Maybe sometimes part of loving someone else was allowing yourself to be loved in return. Maybe believing that someone loves you and letting them is itself an act of love to them. "I'm a little afraid."

Draco nodded, "that's okay. I am too sometimes."

"What do you do?" Harry asked.

He hummed, "Well, I ask if I can just let myself be happy."

"What?"

Draco shrugged, "I ask if I can just let myself be happy," he repeated. "Can today be enough for today? Can I just enjoy all of the good that this relationship has to offer without worrying about the possible loss in the future?"

"Can you?"

"Sometimes," he replied and Harry could hear the smile in his voice. "I try to. Because today is all we have and grieving what I do not know today has never made loss later any easier."

Harry sighed, snuggling a little closer.

"So, Harry Potter, can you just let yourself be happy today?"

He took a deep breath, thought about it, and nodded. He could do that. He could just let himself be happy. One day at a time.

-----------------

Read more of my fics, if you’d like

#drarry #ace harry potter #love #soft #fluff #one shot #reassurance #tenderness #may or may not be based on the author's real life experiences presently #being ace and navigating a relationship is scary

180 notes · View notes

celepom · 2 years

Photo

How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual��

By Rebecca Burgess

'When I was in school, everyone got to a certain age where they became interested in talking about only one thing: boys, girls and sex. Me though? I was only interested in comics.' Growing up, Rebecca assumes sex is just a scary new thing they will 'grow into' as they get older, but when they leave school, start working and do grow up, they start to wonder why they don't want to have sex with other people. In this brave, hilarious and empowering graphic memoir, we follow Rebecca as they navigate a culture obsessed with sex—from being bullied at school and trying to fit in with friends, to forcing themself into relationships and experiencing anxiety and OCD—before coming to understand and embrace their asexual identity.

---

Guh, This is one of those books that hit me upside the head with how much I related to it. “Not interested in sex, only comics.” Feeling pressure to be sexual when in a romantic relationship, whether that was from the partner or societal norms. Being the “weird kid” who was bullied (tho for me it was throughout elementary school, by high school I found my own weird group of friends). Not understanding the obsession with (romantic) relationships. And something that I haven’t seen anyone else explore as an Ace that I related to a lot; looking at anyone I was friendly with as a prospective “love interest,” even if I didn’t have any actual interest in them like that (and I usually didn’t). It’s like because you don’t have the ability to feel sexual attraction to point you towards partners, your brain tries to weigh a list of pros and cons about potential partners without asking WHY IS THIS NECESSARY? DO WE WANT THIS??? WHY ARE WE EVEN THINKING LIKE THIS????

Social Pressure/Expectations.

Exhausting.

(I’ve since stopped doing this, but maybe that’s because I don’t really meet a lot of people in this pandemic age)

BUT! YES! ANYWAY! A very relatable graphic memoir by Rebecca. The art is very expressive and has a very ‘friendly’ feel to it. It’s like a hug in art form.

And the first time I read it I was shocked and delighted to see my own work listed as reference material/further reading at the back. (I may or may not have had an excited run-around my apartment. You can’t prove anything...)

I’m also reading their current webcomic, ‘The Pauper’s Prince,’ and I’m looking forward to ‘Speak Up!” which is being released September 2022. Feel free to check those out too!!

#Book rec #book recs #graphic novel #memoir #comic #asexual #asexuality #Ace #middle grade #wholesome read #very relatable #very ace #pride 2022 #LGBTQIA #LGBT comic

678 notes · View notes

askanaroace · 1 year

Text

Ask An Aro Ace ASAW Day 1: Trauma-Based Aromanticism

So today I want to write a bit about what it's like to be aromantic when your aromanticism is trauma-based, such as when a traumatic experience completely cut away your romantic attraction or when you still experience attraction but lack the motivation, confidence, or desire to act on it due to a traumatic experience.

Regardless of your flavor of queer, being queer is always scary in some way. You might be afraid of accepting your queerness, afraid of being wrong and different - afraid of being persecuted and oppressed. You might be afraid of your loved one's reactions, of facing their hate or judgement or even just their ignorance. You might be afraid of navigating through society with your new understanding of who you are, afraid of how this will impact your safety and your job and your ability to buy a home and start a family and get married and have kids.

When you're a trauma-based aromantic, you might, like me, also be afraid of navigating your own community. Afraid you won't be welcome. Afraid you validate bigotry and misconceptions against your community. Afraid people in and out of your community will believe you to be a faker who just needs to be "fixed".

For a long time, I walked this very confusing like where I identified as aromantic to allos but as not-aromantic to aros. I knew allo was no longer a fitting title and that I would not fit in with them. But I was also afraid that I was invading in a place where I shouldn't be in aro spheres. And even after I started broaching aro spaces as an aro, I was very fearful and cautious of revealing that I was caedromantic, someone whose aromanticism was directly tied in with the trauma I survived, which also meant that I couldn't relate to or speak on a lot of aro experiences that other aros had.

And while the target of my fear was me, this was honestly incredibly unfair to the aromantic community, who has never made me feel unwelcome or invalid. The aro community never asked or questioned why I was aro, even after learning the caedro part. They never judged me or silenced me. They never interrogated me. They never pushed me away or told me to leave. Aromantics have only ever accepted and supported me. It was only ever the cis allohets that have made me feel like I am not enough.

And more than that, by talking more and more about being a trauma-based aro, I have discovered that there are a lot more of us than you might imagine. Due to the kind of society we live in, people have trauma, even serious big-T Trauma, is damn common. And trauma changes your brain. It changes how you interact with the world. It changes your relationship to yourself and to others. You can change this further with healing, but trauma can indeed change the brain. It's valid and legitimate if trauma impacts your identity, how you relate to it, and/or how you express it.

But it's scary to admit this and talk about it because the cis allohets only want to use this as a gotchya. For them, this is not the opportunity about the wrongness of our society: exposing people to traumas, gaslighting them over traumas, refusing to provide support and resources for healing over traumas, punishing people for displaying any effects of trauma - it's about using this to invalidate aromanticism.

Any aspec person has heard the anti-aspec claims that being aspec is caused by trauma/mental illness/medication and can therefore be cured, as if we are ill, as if being ill is a reason to harm people. As a trauma-based aro, it feels like you are a direct confirmation of this claim. It feels like your very existence is problematic and harmful to other aros.

BUT!!!

Some people ARE aspec or question if they're aspec or think they're aspec for a while due to things like trauma, mental illness, and/or medication, and this is valid!!! This is the same shitty anti-phase logic like something can be valid and real if it's a phase. You know what's a phase? Everything. Every. Damn. Thing. is a phase. Being a toddler, being a teenager, being alive, bell bottoms, checks being a form of payment, cursive, typewriters, hair length, etc. You know what? Trauma changes you and healing isn't going to return you to who you were before you experienced that trauma. Mental illness is treated and accommodated and coped with but can't just be cured or erased. Some medications need taken for life. It doesn't matter why someone is aromantic or even if they know why at all. Aromantics exist, aromanticism harms no one, and aromantic people deserve to be respected and treated well. The problem isn't that I'm aromantic due to trauma. The problem is that I was exposed to that trauma in the first place. The problem is that support for healing from this trauma is so hard to access. The problem is the way people treat me for having this trauma. The problem is the way people treat me for being aromantic. But being aromantic, for whatever reason, is not a problem.

It doesn't matter if trauma-based aromantics exist or not. Even if we went away or "got cured" (I like being aromantic! I want to be aromantic forever!), anti-aro bigots would still be against aromanticism and seek to harm us. I learned a long time ago that there's no way to make bigots happy. There is no compromise to "I want you to have never existed in the first place, but since you're here now, you're an abomination who should be killed". Targeting trauma and other similar things 'causing' aromanticism is only one way of how anti-aro bigotry is expressed. Even if we didn't exist, the bigots would still hate us. They would still screech that we were broken and wrong and never meant to exist. In my experience, the best way to respond to this in a way that does the least harm to your spirit and soul is to embrace your identity wholeheartedly and exude pride and celebration.

So I'm done hiding. Yes, I am aro due to trauma. Yes, I am happy with this. No, I don't expect everyone to feel the same as me or understand the joy this brings me. No, not all aros are aro due to trauma.

But yes ALL aros are valid and legitimate and deserve to be celebrated!!!

30 notes · View notes

diablademon · 2 years

Text

I am watching One Piece for the first time. This is going to take awhile...

But hey, Im already at episode 122. I like crocodile, so Im happy.

Few comments on what I have seen so far:

Zoro become really loyal to Luffy quick. One of the reason why I started watching One Piece is the relationship between Zoro and Luffy. Not romantic just the trust and loyalty they have. But still, Zoro become loyal quickly. Zoro had known the guy for one day and would already die for him.

The syrup village act was unnessarasy long. Luffy fight with captain Kuro was draged out for way too long, nothing really happend. And Kuro used the same attack two times and somehow that was suppose to be scary the second time? When it barely worked the first time?

Nami’s backstroy was brutal. While the others were in trouble when Luffy arrived and saved them, they had atleast pretty happy life untill then. Nami’s trauma lasted years before Luffy came.

I have heard of Zoros lack of diraction. But it didnt show that much. He couldnt navigate the sea and got lost and couldnt fidn his way back to his home island. But that isnt that suprising. Only Nami knew how to naviagate in the crew. It seemed more like he got lost stupidly easily after he got the cursed sword at Loguetown. Or am I missing something?

Warship Island arc was really boring. Read after it was a filler arc. I should have just skipped it.

That said, I loved that Nami just pushed Eric of the ship and everyone just laughed at the idea he now would drown.

I also love that while the crew recover quickly from injuries, the show do atleast show them recover. Like Zoro’s chest scar slowing him down in the arlong park arc and when he cut his legs after getting stuck on the candle cake he is shown to have scars on his ankles.

Wapol sucks.

Vivi really should have sit everyone down and explain the dangerous that one would face at arabasta. Like seriously Vivi! Stop ‘forgetting’ to tell everyone about the dangers of the desert!

Hey theres Ace!

I love when Luffy faces Crocodile. Crocodile trying to be so serious and menacing and Luffy is being Luffy. Crocodile must get such extrem headaches just by being around the boy.

The Intos are spoiling whos next to join the crew. Its annoying.

I like hearing Crocodile speak.

I also like hearing Bon Clay speak. For complelty different reasons.

Thats that for now!

I will probably write more posts because I have no one to speak to about One piece. No one of my friends have watch it and are just ignoring me. :c

Back to watching more episodes.

#one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #portgas d. ace #sir crocodile #bon clay #vivi #wapol #Nale babble

40 notes · View notes

potatopossums · 2 years

Text

i have so many complicated fears right now.

aro, ace, and agender

these are the words that most closely describe who i am, still without being totally or consistently correct all the time. they're the closest words i have.

I'm divorced. i discovered i was queer in a cishet marriage. i have discovered so many things about myself since then.

one thing i do know is that relationships are scary. I've been in many, and i have trauma from nearly all of them. my mind is hard on me. i blame myself for so much.

i don't know how to navigate this friendship i have.

on one hand, you could call it queerplatonic. maybe a romantic friendship. maybe a lesbian companionship. maybe a whole host of other words. i wouldn't really call her my girlfriend no matter how many times we kiss or have sex or hold hands or cuddle or cry together. i don't have an aversion to that word, but given the context of our relationship, given that we are openly just doing things as they come and walking together in this strange queerness, i don't think girlfriend really describes her at all to me. she is my friend. the someone i like to admire and see, especially when she doesn't notice. i like to think about us in a home somewhere, separate but together, free and connected, companions without coercion or force. there have been times i looked at her and just knew she was so pretty and beautiful that i wanted to be married to her. I've had many dreams that we were young and married, in the most queer way i can imagine, in a way i cannot possibly explain, one that makes sense to me without ever having a wedding ceremony, like we were just always married, like we just looked at each other and held hands and were married as friends and that was that. she doesn't feel like a soulmate, but she does feel important.

and when it comes to the rest of the world, outside my own head, i don't know how to navigate any of that. i don't know how to really explain it to anyone, say it aloud, or even walk through the world this way. i know how I feel, and i don't know if the world will ever get it. i just like my companions. i like my buddies. there's no word for her that works right. there's never a word that works just right. she has short blonde hair that frames her face in a bob and she smiles the best in green and i love it when she comes out of her shell and is her whole self.

she's thinking of moving a state away, and that was a moment that scared me. i was already scared when we had sex again after agreeing not to. i don't want my same tragedy to reoccur, like my old marriage rearing it's ugly head. i don't want my traumatized self to come out and hurt her. i know there are so many things in me that are afraid. i don't want to lose a friend. I've had dreams of living with her almost since we met, just because it seemed like she would be someone I'd enjoy seeing regularly. i have fears about long distance relationships. i have fears about all of the things that could possibly happen.

it is so much and i never really expected to feel the things i do now. i never expected to really be here. it's not the same as i would have wanted years ago. it's closer to what i really want now. but it's also just confusing. there's no blueprint, no map. i followed all the markers and waypoints for cishet alloromantic allosexual monogamy. i did everything right and it didn't work for me. i don't know how to follow this new path. society did not teach me how to forge my own path. i am afraid. i want things to go well. i want to feel close to people. i want to feel appreciated and loved. i want to feel free and love myself. i want to feel connected to myself and others. how i accomplish that here, i do not know. all i know how to do is to be honest. regardless of how i label any of it anymore. i can only be as honest as possible. and that is scary.

imagine showing someone the worst parts of you. she sees me as gentle, wise even. i know what to say when she is struggling. I've been through enough therapy that it's starting to stick. but i still know there are things deep in me, things i don't like. i don't ever want to hurt her. i don't want to lash out. i don't want to treat her poorly. she deserves so much better than that.

we talked about dancing like idiots at a wedding. not at ours, but at someone else's. i don't know if i ever want to have a wedding in any traditional sense. i want it to just be us choosing. i don't want other people's opinions about our love or matrimony or couplehood or anything else. i don't want in-laws, i don't want to be forced to like anyone or get along with anyone. i don't want to separate her from her family, nor do I want to hide her from mine. i think my mom would love her. i think my mom would love to see me happy. i want us to be individuals who choose to spend our time together, not doing so out of any sense of obligation. i want us to choose that always, every time. never forced. i want us to show up exactly how we want, each of us. i want us to be able to back up and out if needed. i want us to feel what we feel without shame or guilt or embarrassment. i just want us to exist how we are, and i really hope that can still be together sometimes. i want us to walk together sometimes. maybe a lot. as often as feels good for both of us.

#aromantic #queer #alterous #personal #agender #aesthetic attraction #friendship #gynephile #queerplatonic #aromantic lesbian #aroace #companionship

16 notes · View notes

akatiuspielinki · 13 days

Text

okay but this happens every time my mental health goes bad and i feel like i need people to fill the void inside me (mostly by giving me attention and validation based on romantic crushes and/or love)

but i am very much thinking about downloading some dating app even tho i am very aro and pretty much romance repulsed (on top of being ace and sex repulsed) and living in a small city where people probably don't know a lot about different kinds of relationships or any other way to navigate partnership than in a sexual and romantic way

it would give me a chance to be socially active outside of work in real life and maybe find new friends

(even tho things have earlier gone very bad quickly after going to different dating apps while living in helsinki lol, but mostly because i did not know i am aroace and did not know my boundaries thinking that i just need to try harder and i will learn how to be a ""proper"" person in the eyes of allo- and amatonormative society)

(also it feels scary to be seen in some dating app while hoping at the same time that someone will notice me there lol)

1 note · View note

life-of-an-asexual · 2 years

Text

two books that have popped up on my radar recently

Loveless by Alice Oseman

Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush – but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day. As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia’s ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her ‘teenage dream’ is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her – asexual, aromantic – Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever. Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along?

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess

this isn't an official recommendation, since i have not read either of them (altho i am a fan of alice oseman and have read some of her other works). but hey, they exist, and some of you might be interested in checking them out

~Mod Q

#representation #asexual #aromantic #original post

262 notes · View notes

growinguparo · 3 years

Text

what does an aroace future look like? i literally don’t know. none of us know.

the further i venture into adulthood, the more i realize just how much being aro(ace) sets me apart from my peers. i have friends who are married now. everyone else i know intends to get married except like one of my arospec friends. i have friends who are in long-term relationships who are buying things together, making financial investments into their future together. my single friends speak wistfully about the future they know they will have with their future partner.

me? i look into the future and see a huge question mark.

i’m grey/aroflux and ace. if i were to end up in an traditional long-term romantic relationship, how would that look for me? my romance favourability/repulsion fluctuates immensely alongside the flux of my orientation, so i can’t picture any romantic relationship i’m in being stable for more than a few months. maybe a qpr? maybe, but i can’t picture myself wanting to be tied to and dependent on a singular person anyway; idk if that’s cuz of aromanticism or mental illness or neurodivergence or what. a queerplatonic polycule? that seems unrealistic to even think about, since so few people want qprs and so few people are polyamorous.

or i could be single for life. it sounds deceptively simple, but what would that look like realistically? how would i get the support i need when all my friends are busy building their lives with their families (with or without children)? how would i avoid always feeling like a third wheel? what would i be building, if not a family of my own? how would i navigate an adult world that caters to married family units? i’m 22 and i don’t even have a ballpark idea of what i want to do with my life work-wise, so the idea of like, putting [the energy that would have gone into building a family] into my work seems doubtful. i think, personally, if i was single for life i would struggle hard.

i can’t picture what a happy aroace future looks like for me. that doesn’t mean i won’t have one - i fully intend to be happy and i do think it’s possible. i just don’t know how. and not being able to picture a future for yourself... if you know the feeling, you know how terrifying, empty, and hopeless it can be.

there’s no model for us aros. no destination. no roadmap. we don’t know where we’re going and we don’t know how to get there. it’s scary.

#about me #aromantic #aromanticism #negative #this is what hanging out with straights does to me smh #feel free to rb #i think it would be neat if this got outside of aro tumblr #also sorry for being such a downer lately lol #pandemic's got me down 🤙#send happy stories so i can make my blog more positive again #also if anyone who follows me is over like 30 lmk how ur doing with this adulthood stuff i really wanna know #i'll post them as stories #growing up aro #adulthood #stories

3K notes · View notes

paradoxolotl · 3 years

Note

what’s it like navigating a relationship as an asexual person? i’m on the ace spec and i’m worried that people might not want to be with me bc of it

I can only speak from my own experience. Everyone is unique and therefore deal with relationships differently. I’m going to be talking a lot about my own experiences with relationships and sex below, so fair warning.

I currently identify as ace. My partner is allo and we’ve been together for around eight years now.

Earlier this year, I didn’t know what asexuality was. I knew sex wasn’t that important to me, and I thought it was because something was wrong with me. I have a few medical “issues” (I don’t really like calling them that but not sure of what else I can use) that can make sex uncomfortable or painful if not taken into account. I thought I was just fucked up and would never enjoy relationships like everyone else.

It is incredibly rare that I’ll feel the need to get off. When I do, it’s more of scratching an itch than anything else. Like eating or sleeping, sometimes it’s just something that I need to do. Sex with another person is complicated and messy, and usually I can’t be bothered.

Generally, there needs to be some sort of trigger to even get my brain to think about getting off. Maybe it’s a sex scene in a book or movie, but most of the time it’s my partner asking “do you want to have sex”. I just don’t think about it otherwise.

I have experienced attention to a wide range of people, drawn to the aesthetic or energy of them more than anything else. I will say that the thought of actually having sex with anyone who isn’t my partner makes my skin crawl. My partner is someone I trust completely. They are my home, my support, and keep me afloat even on my darkest days. I would not be here today without them.

Now, I personally do enjoy sex when I have it. I’ve had absolutely amazing mind blowing sex before. But if I had to choose between never having sex again or never eating lasagna again? I’m keeping the lasagna. I would be completely content simply making out and cuddling my partner for the rest of our days.

So it’s not a matter of “just haven’t had good sex” or “met the right person”. I have both, and sex still isn’t important to me.

Now let’s talk about what my relationship looked like.

When we first started dating, we were teenagers. I had been fed my whole life that sex is vital to any relationship, so when my partner asked, I said yes. I trusted them and was excited to try sex, but it was not this great magical thing. It was awkward, a little uncomfortable, but overall not terrible. I enjoyed it enough to keep experimenting with it.

Then, I just stopped caring at all. I felt bad, I didn’t understand why suddenly the thought of sex made me uncomfortable. My partner never pushed, but I felt guilty. We started having sex less and less until it was common to go months without it. We still kissed, cuddled, went on dates, slept in the same bed, but sex was no longer common.

When I finally found out about asexuality, I was thrilled. It was confirmation I wasn’t broken. That my experience was completely normal and human. When I told my partner, they were unsure. They were worried all of my past ‘yeses’ were actually ‘nos’. They thought I was no longer attracted to them, no longer wanted to be with them.

Never once did they try to tell me I wasn’t ace. Not once did they try to brush it off or tell me I was mistaken. They still don’t fully understand, but I don’t fully understand what it is to be allo. They ask me questions, and I try to answer it the best I can.

So, with being on the asexual spectrum and relationships.

What’s important to any sexual relationship is also what’s important to any romantic relationship.

Open communication, trust, and respect.

I know I can ask my partner anything, and they’ll give me an honest answer. When we have a concern or problem, we talk about it. We fight, bicker, step on each other’s toes, but we also know when to listen and offer advice. We know how to work together to find solutions. We make sure we’re both happy.

Off of that we trust the answers we’re given. We trust what we tell each other. We trust that the other is doing their best for them and the both of us. I always tell my partner, take care of yourself first, and us second. Because our relationship suffers when they are spread to thin. I trust that they’ll tell me what they need, what they want, and I trust them enough to tell them what I need and want.

Finally, it’s respecting each other. It’s not trampling over boundaries and ignoring answers. It’s taking each “yes” and “no” as they come without question. It’s asking and receiving. It’s me telling them “I can’t be touched right now” and them settling down on the other side of the couch, there with me but not touching. It’s them saying “I need comfort” and me laying their head in my lap and letting them let go.

If ANY relationship doesn’t have these, leave. I PROMISE you that you will feel worse compromising yourself to be with someone than you would feel without that relationship.

Around 1% of the population is ace. 1% of 7 billion is a lot of people. People don’t need to be ace to respect you and your experiences, but maybe knowing how many of us there are can sooth some worries.

If someone doesn’t want to be with you because you’re ace? You don’t want to be with them. They’re not worth the time or energy it takes to be upset over.

The world is a big place, but it doesn’t have to be so scary. Join ace friendly communities and exchange stories. Build a support network. Set your boundaries and enforce them. You are bloody magnificent, and people will see that. But remember, romantic relationships are not something to build your life around. You build your life around you.

Explore, experiment, do what makes you happy. You’re allowed to change you mind, feel differently, grow and stumble and fall and evolve. You are an incredible and unique universe all in your own. Never forget that.

#asexual #ace positivity #ace pride #ace spec #relationship

98 notes · View notes

write-haikyuu · 4 years

Text

Their s/o getting hit on during a game (ft. Miya Twins and Kita Shinsuke) | headcanon

ooh! what about miya twins + kita getting protective over fem s/o who came to watch them during nationals after she was flirted with by their opponent?

warnings: cussing, passive aggressiveness, shivers as you can imagine how scary an angry osamu may be

Miya Atsumu

Among the three of them, Atsumu would probably have the biggest reaction if he notices someone trying to get at you. He can be short-tempered and snap with sharp words (especially if this happens in the middle of a game). He’s aggressive y’all.

Remember Osamu said his mental age drops by half on the court? Well, when that happens, not only does Atsumu become annoyed by the opponent, but he’s going to want to make sure he gets both you and the opposing team’s attention to ensure that everyone knows who you are to him.

“OI, Y/N! WATCH ME GET THIS SERVICE ACE OVER THAT RAT’S ASS” he shouts and waves over to you (he and Kita are definitely going to have a chat after this)

He releases his anger through his plays. As if his serves aren’t deadly enough, Atsumu is going to somehow manage to specifically aim for said flirty opponent to make sure he gets smacked in front of you.

After the game, when everything has mellowed out and Inarizaki takes the win, you will definitely be the first person he meets off the court. Forget his sports bag or his drenched sweat, He’s going to rush over to you and give you a big hug and smother you with kisses

If you’re the type to shrug off the flirter yourself, Atsumu would be so proud of you and just go on about his day

But, if the opponent somehow manages to have the guts to stick around you, Atsumu would get in between you two and confront him.

“Babe, what are you doing associating yourself with this loser?” (like literally, he is a loser because he lost lol)

Yeah anyone would be scared to have to confront Atsumu in that state. At that point the team just kind of salutes to the lad and hopes he doesn’t walk home traumatized by Atsmu’s harsh words. :\ rip

Miya Osamu

Osamu is cool-headed for the most part, but he can be quite territorial when he feels the need to be. He’s passive aggressive y’all.

Of course in the middle of the game, he’s focused. But, if he noticed a scene where you’re being hit on by someone from the opposing team, his attention may avert to you (depending on the extremity of the flirting).

He’s a little peeved, to say the least. If the opponent is flirting with you as he serves or literally in the middle of a play, you are damn sure that Osamu is going to make sure he spikes the ball into his face to the other side.

He won’t explicitly show his emotions, but Osamu is a little jealous. His only way to control that is by winning and ensuring that the opposing team knows who he is. He might shoot a glare at the guy for a while, but that won’t ever distract him from his plays!

When the game is over, win or lose, he’ll strut over to you and make it obvious that you’re with him!

“Hey babe, did you see that spike I did near their #5?!” as he stares directly at their #5.

or if the other player is still up in your face, he’s not afraid!!

“Fuck off” and proceeds to rest his arm over your shoulder and walk away

He’ll hold you by the waist, show a little more PDA than he usually does, not because he’s afraid of other people catching your attention, but because he wants you to be reminded that he’s here with you and that no one can intervene that.

Kita Shinsuke

To be honest, I can’t imagine that Kita is the type to get jealous or feel insecure about something as trivial as this.

Kita is a pretty mature person himself, so I’d imagine him being with someone who is either equally as mature, if not more mature than him.

The amount of trust and transparency in the relationship is very well established.

If he notices someone is flirting with you, he’d trust that you’d know how to navigate the conversation to either show you’re disinterested or give the person a cold shoulder.

He would honestly just mind his own business or check on you from afar (especially if it’s in the middle of the game).

However, being trusted and secure is completely different than being protective. If he notices that the other person is trying to actually touch you or get in any form aggressive with you (and your body language signals that you need help in any way) he’s right beside you, ready to defend you.

“She already said she wasn’t interested. You should probably leave her alone if you know any better. Didn’t your mother teach you consent? No means No.”

For Kita, it’s honestly not a big deal so long as no one is harmed or hurt. He understands how to stay clam and gauge situations like these, and definitely won’t be afraid to take action if it comes to it. :) He loves you, respects you, and most importantly proud to be with you.

side note: can we just talk about how cute Kita looks in that picture????? He’s so??? fucking??? cute??? who the fuck let you exist this cute.... furudate-san SIR we NEED TO TALK!!!!

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #miya osamu imagines #miya atsumu imagines #kita shinsuke imagines #miya atsumu headcanons #miya osamu headcanons #kita shinsuke headcanons #miya twins #Miya Atsumu #miya osamu #kita shinsuke #inarizaki #miya atsumu x reader #miya osamu x reader #kita shinsuke x reader #atsumu #osamu #submission

1K notes · View notes

pappydaddy · 4 years

Text

Opposites (s.h.)

A/N: This is for the request asking for a Steve x Reader where the reader was like Jade West from Victorious (also known as one of my bi awakenings). I am sorry for the delay, this Thanksgiving was crazy (I’m Canadian) and there was so much to do! I tried my best to write the reader like Jade without having her not vibe with the kids bc we all know that the kids come first with Steve. Now, without farther ado, here is the request! Hope you like it lovely Anon!!

Edit: I changed the name bc there are so many fics under the name Opposites Attract😅.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

show/movie: stranger things

requested

warnings: fluff??

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation

- not my gif -

Opposites attract. Something everyone has heard before. It can be applied to magnets or to relationships. While there was no denying that when it came to magnetic pulls, opposites did indeed attract, but Steve was never too sure about it in a relationship sense. He had always gone after girls who fit his lifestyle. Parties, the popular crowd, the girls who fit in to societies expectations. It wasn’t until he had met Y/N that he had realized that maybe everyone was right. Just like magnets, opposites attract did apply to relationships as well. He could not think Robin enough for introducing the hard headed, sometimes (all the time) scary girl who Steve would have never approached. A goofy guy such as Steve paired with the rocker chick who intimidated nearly everyone? Steve had never thought that would be possible outside of the movies.

Now, here Steve sat on Dustin’s couch as he bounced his knee, the party bickering all around him as they tried to figure out what they were going to do today. “Why would we watch movie’s all day, we always watch movies, Dustin!” Lucas exclaimed from where he sat on the floor next to Max. Dustin looked up from the pile of VHS tapes he had already selected before hand.

“Because movies are awesome and clearly the best option right now,” Dustin answered as if it was obvious. “Nobody can agree on one place, so the logical solution is to stay here and watch a movie.” He shrugged, shuffling through the tapes once again, ignoring Lucas’ groans of protest. Steve tuned them out the best he could as he watched the front door, willing for it to open revealing the two missing members of the party.

“Dustin has a point, Lucas.” Max piped up, not even looking up from watching the titles of the movies Dustin was debating on.

“Why,” Lucas asked simply, turning his head to face her in an exaggerated fashion. “Just why,” He repeated. “Why do you think it’s better to sit here and watch movies all day as opposed to going to a bowling alley?”

“I’d rather watch movies than go to a bowling alley, but we are clearly forgetting the best option brought up,” Mike inserted himself into the conversation again, banging his pointer finger against the coffee table before continuing. “The Arcade. There is a huge re-opening deal and a ton of new games!”

“We’re not going to the Arcade, it’ll be too crowded to have fun as a group!” Dustin turned Mike’s idea down once again.

“And sitting in a dark living room all day watching movies will be a fun group bonding experience?” Mike snapped back, sending the three boys into a tailspin of bickering. Steve and Max both heaved out sighs at the same time just as the front door opened, Robin walking in first followed by Y/N. The two girls ceased their previous conversation, blinking at the chaos ensuing.

“Finally, what took you two so long?” Steve leapt from his spot on the couch, rushing over to the pair, his eyes wide with relief. Instantly, he wrapped Y/N in a tight hug. The girl tensed for a second before melting into his hug, patting his back with one had. She wasn’t much for hugs, not being an overly affectionate person in general, but she couldn’t help but to lean a bit closer to Steve whenever he was affectionate towards her.

“Sorry, Stevie-boy,” Robin apologized half-heartedly, plopping herself down in the spot he once occupied. “Y/N got caught up trying to decide which Stephen King book to buy and then she saw the Stephen King display they had put up.”

“Ended up getting Cycle of the Werewolf, it came out a few years ago, but I was too wrapped up in the release of Cujo to focus on his book releases,” She told him, not even waiting for him to ask. She pulled out of his grasp, reaching into the bag she carried to hand him the book. Steve shivered slightly, not understanding how she could read or watch Stephen King’s books without getting the slightest bit scared. “But I couldn’t pass on the great deal they had on, they had Danse Macabre for half off so they could get make room for another shipment.” She pulled the second book out of the bag, walking passed Steve who read over the back of the book he held, eyeing the words as if they would jump off the page at him.

“That’s great, Y/N, but we need you and Robin to help us decide what to do for the rest of the day,” Dustin interrupted the girl, earning a glare from her (which he ignored). Y/N sat on the middle cushion beside Robin who dug through her own bag to retrieve her own book: Dark Companions. “Lucas wants to go to a bowling alley-”

“I would rather stab my eyes with rusty scissors then go to a bowling alley.” Y/N cut him off, flicking through the pages of her new book. Dustin laughed in victory as Lucas gave Dustin a warning look in return.

“We didn’t get to hear what Robin thought.” Lucas pointed out, hoping that Robin would be his saving grace, but his hope was quickly shot down.

“I’m with Y/N,” She stated, looking up from her book. “I hate those places, they are a cesspool of germs. Kids pick their noses then use their booger covered fingers to pick up a ball.” She turned her nose up at the idea. Lucas slumped back in defeat, Max sending him a sympathetic smile despite her internal happiness that she didn’t have to go to the bowling alley. Steve hid his own excitement as he sat down on the other side of Y/N, slinging his arm over her shoulders as she began to read her book.

“How about the Arcade, huh? You guys can watch us play awesome games and not touch anything!” Mike brought up his idea, trying to sell the girls on it. Robin shook her head instantly.

“Arcades are my personal hell,” Y/N grumbled, flipping the page. “Kids running around screaming and the noises from the games. It’s nauseating.” She cringed at the thought of it.

“So that leaves watching movies here then.” Dustin smiled brightly, showing his still missing teeth. Mike and Lucas groaned, flopping back on the floor dramatically, missing the way Y/N’s face twisted into a scowl and Robin’s nose turned up once again.

“Sitting here all day watching movies?” Robin asked.

“I would rather stuff myself into a wood-chipper.” Y/N commented once again, her eyes never lifting off her page. This prompted Lucas and Mike to shoot back up, smiling widely at Dustin’s defeat.

“Hey, isn’t there that band stopping by to preform a little outdoor concert, super low-key and free?” Max finally brought up the idea she had been sitting on the whole time. She knew that Robin and Y/N would have backed her up, but the boys would have shot the idea down immediately. Y/N and Robin slowly lifted their heads, intrigued by Max’s idea.

“So? What band would be coming to Hawkins to play a free show? Are they even worth seeing?” Mike lifted his upper lip in a grimace as he got ready to shoot the idea down.

“Yes, they are,” Max narrowed her eyes at the boy. “It’s a relatively new rock band, kinda like Def Leppard meets Guns N’ Roses meets AC/DC. They are playing free shows in smaller towns to build a name for themselves, all their earnings come from their merch sales.”

“Now that,” Y/N finally closed her book, setting it on the coffee table as she uncrossed her legs. Leaning her elbows on her knees, she clasped her hands together and pointed her pointer fingers at Max, a smirk playing on her dark painted lips. “That sounds awesome.” She unclasped her hands to high-five Max, the red-head beyond happy that her idea was chosen.

“It does sound really cool,” Robin nodded, sharing a look with Y/N and Max. “I’m down.”

“You know what,” Steve finally spoke up, bobbing his head, a goofy smile on his face as his eyes gazed at Y/N as she leaned back under his arm, looking up at him. “I’m in too. I could use a good concert.”

“You’re just agreeing because your girlfriend wants to go!” Mike accused, earning two glares from Y/N and Steve. He shrunk back under Y/N’s hard glare.

“Come on, guys,” Steve encouraged. “You guys could actually like their music, you might even find a new interest or meet some new people,” He tried to sell the reluctant teen boys. They hummed, actually listening to him. “There really isn’t any harm in going.” They nodded, muttering their lack-luster agreements in choosing the concert.

“Forget all that mushy, positive shit,” Y/N waved her hand at Steve’s sappy selling of the concert. “Just go and live outside of your comfort zone, taint your innocent, pure souls. You will thank me later, trust me.”

“Are you corrupting my kids?” Steve asked her as the boys all hollered ‘yeahs’ and hopped around the room as if they were tough. Max and Robin rolled their eyes at them, but Y/N looked back up at Steve, a sparkle in her eyes.

“Yeah, someone had to undo all the goofiness you instilled in them - make ‘em cooler.” He smiled down at her, pressing his lips against hers softly as the boy’s continued on. The roudiness melted away as they shared a loving kiss. As their lips pulled away reluctantly, parting the sweet kiss. Steve was never more sure that they were living proof of opposites attracting.

190 notes · View notes

aceniixx · 3 years

Text

I went on my first ever date this week.

I’m an asexual, and I really enjoy being on my own. I very rarely feel any desire for companionship of any kind, so I don’t actively seek out romantic relationships. I think I would be okay with a relationship that wasn’t sexual later in my life, but right now, I’m in my mid-twenties, by some miracle, I’m building my first house, I have great friends and family, and I have a life that just doesn’t really have room for anyone else in it.

I know who I am and what I want, so why do I continually doubt it so much? I think I am still struggling to unlearn the ideas that to have a full life I need to have someone to share my life with. I feel happy and confident in my alone-ness while also feeling like I’m doing the wrong thing by embracing it and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this.

I went on this date because I had convinced myself that maybe if I just went on a date, if I actually had this experience, I would feel all the things I was supposed to. But the second my date tried to kiss me I knew that this wasn’t something I was ever going to want in my life. The kiss felt like nothing, and then I spent the rest of the date feeling like a bad person because even though I had been very clear and forthcoming about my sexuality, we were always going to come to this meeting with different wants and expectations.

I got home that night and I was just devastated. It really hit me with this confronting clarity that I am asexual, it wasn’t because I had never had these experiences. It really was because I’d never wanted them, and I had just let everyone and everything around me influence my feelings and fuel my doubt. All those feelings of brokenness that I’m sure all of us ace people have had, hit me again like a truck and I was reminded of my oddness in a really aggressive way I wasn’t prepared for.

I think what I’m struggling with the most is that all my friends and even my Mum keep saying they are proud of me for stepping out of my comfort zone and going on this date. It makes me feel as if they believe my sexuality is something I need to overcome, like it’s a mental illness that can be treated and I don’t know how to tell them not only how offensive I find this, but how deeply it affected me without me even being fully aware of it until after this date.

My Mother has always been my biggest supporter and I’ve always been so grateful. On the day I called her to tell her I was asexual; she actually came out for me because she already knew and didn’t want me to feel like I had to have this ‘coming out’ moment and that I didn’t always have her full love and support. We’ve also always agreed that to some degree sexuality is fluid and it’s ever evolving.

I was surprised to learn this week that she thought I would ‘evolve’ out of being asexual. She’s hetero and she’s been in a relationship of some form since she was a teenager. She cannot ever understand how I could be okay with being alone. She genuinely worries about me being alone forever because to her the thought is scary and sad.

I understand why she feels this way regarding sex and relationships, but she doesn’t understand why I feel the way I do. I don’t know if it’s easier for me to be compassionate and understanding towards her because I’ve been so bombarded with heteronormativity and amatonormativity, but it pisses me off that I had to reassure her that I know she doesn’t mean to offend me when she says things like she hoped my asexuality was temporary or she was worried I was hiding myself from relationships because of my trauma, because I understood she was approaching my sexuality through her own sexuality and needs.

I really am very lucky to have a good support system around me, but I don’t have ace friends, I don’t even actually know anyone who is ace or has knowledge with the ace experience and especially in this last week its left me feeling so vulnerable and unsure of myself. I feel like I don’t know how to navigate my own thoughts and feelings anymore and I guess I’m writing this because I could really use some support, advice, and validation from the ace community on how to get through this right now.

I would also really love some help in regard to the person I went on the date with. I don’t even know how to tell them I don’t want to date them. I do really like this person and I want to be their friend, but I don’t know how to navigate their feelings and my own without either of us getting hurt. If anyone has any advice please inbox or reply, I would really appreciate it!

#asexual #ace #asexual problems #ace problems #lgbtqia #lgbtq #advice #panromantic #ace support #asexual support #lgbtq support

25 notes · View notes

grailfinders · 4 years

Text

Fate and Phantasms #66: Anne Bonny & Mary Read

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re making the legendary pirate duo, Bonny and Read! (Bonny’s the tall one.) You might think making two characters fit on one sheet would be difficult. One might even call it... a wilde proposition.

Check out the breakdown below the cut, or the build sheet over here!

Race and Background

Despite her height, Mary Read is a Human, and we’re going straight to the point with the variant rules. This gives you two points to put into stats of your choice- put it all on Dexterity. You also get an extra skill proficiency -Deception will help you talk your way into more treasure- and a feat. The Sharpshooter feat lets you ignore all but full cover on ranged attacks, and you can attack at long distance without disadvantage. The big draw is that you can subtract 5 from your attack roll to add 10 to the damage. Your rifle is bigger than you are, so it’s gotta pack a punch.

The two of you are, of course, Pirates, giving you proficiency with Athletics, Perception, Navigator’s Tools, and Water Vehicles. You’re not able to control the weather like Drake, but you’re no slouch at the wheel.

Stats

Dexterity is your highest score-your damage comes from there, your AC comes from there, your multiclassing minimum is there, it’s a good ability. Your Constitution is next-you don’t get seasick easily. Third is Charisma-you’re not that big, but everyone’s scary when they’re pointing a sword at your throat and a gun at your head. Your Wisdom isn’t bad-you need to be able to see the land before you run into it. We don’t need Intelligence and we really don’t need Strength, so they’re lowest.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: We’re starting with fighter instead of rogue to grab our best weapons and to get Bonny into the build as fast as possible. At first level, you get proficiency in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as two fighter skills. You’re a part of History, and you don’t play nice, so pick up Intimidation as well.

First level fighters get a Fighting Style, we spent our starting feat on Bonny, so now it’s Read’s turn. Grab Dueling to add 2 to all one-handed weapon damage rolls when you’re only wielding that weapon. You can also use your bonus action on a Second Wind, healing 1d10+your fighter level. You’re covered, so don’t worry about taking a break.

Mary’s got a Scimitar, while Anne is wielding at Heavy Crossbow. Feel free to use either one for now, your friend’s not showing up for a couple levels.

2. Fighter 2: At second level you get an Action Surge, giving you an extra action once per short rest. You’re two people, you should have two actions.

3. Fighter 3: For your subclass, we’re going with Wildemount’s premier fighter class, Echo Knight. As an echo knight, you can Manifest Echo as a bonus action. Echoes are translucent copies of yourself, but feel free to make it a little taller. You can move the echo up to 30′ on your turn without using an action, but you have to end the turn with it within 30′ of you or it gets destroyed. When you attack, you can replace your attack with the echo’s, and you can make attacks of opportunity from the echo’s space with your reaction. Also, as a bonus action you can switch places with your echo for 15′ of movement.

Echo Knights can also Unleash Incarnation- when you take the attack action, your echo can make a free melee attack a number of times equal to your Constitution modifier per long rest. For this build, Mary Read is the character and Anne Bonny is the echo, but feel free to swap it up if you want to use this feature.

4. Fighter 4: Use your first ASI to become Resilient, rounding up your Dexterity and becoming proficient in dexterity saves.

5. Fighter 5: Now that you have an Extra Attack, the two of you can each attack once per turn without using your Action Surge. With the action surge, Read can attack three times, and Bonny once.

6. Rogue 1: We’re switching over to rogue now for some proper piracy. When you multiclass into rogue, you get proficiency in one rogue skill- Sleight of Hand is easy when you always have a partner to distract the mark.

First level rogues also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus in Perception and Sleight of Hand. Two pairs of eyes are better than one, after all. You also learn how to make a Sneak Attack, letting you add 1d6 to a damage roll if the attack is made with a finesse or ranged weapon (look at that, both of your weapons fit), and you have advantage or another friendly creature next to the target. I’m not sure if you being next to a creature would count for Bonny’s shot RAW, but I’d count it. As one last bonus, all rogues know Thieves’ Cant, a secret language of rogues.

7. Rogue 2: You can now use a Cunning Action, hiding, disengaging, or dashing with your bonus action. You’re wearing padded leather at best- don’t push your luck with big enemies.

8. Rogue 3: At third level, you become a Swashbuckler. Your Fancy Footwork lets you prevent attacks of opportunity from creatures you’ve attacked with a melee weapon. Your Rakish Audacity adds your charisma modifier to your initiative, and you can make sneak attacks against any creature if you’re fighting them one on one in melee range. If they’re within melee range you can also just shoot them, but the additional option is nice. Speaking of, your sneak attack increases to 2d6.

9. Rogue 4: Use this ASI to max out your Dexterity for the best aim, damage, and AC you can get.

10. Rogue 5: Fifth level rogues get an Uncanny Dodge, reacting to halve an attack’s damage. Bonny only has 1 HP, but you’ve got more- protect it. Your sneak attack also become 3d6.

11. Rogue 6: Use your second round of Expertise to work with your Thieves’ Tools and Athletics for stronger sea legs.

12. Rogue 7: You and Bonny now have Evasion. When either of you make a dexterity save to half an effect’s damage, you take none of it on a success and half on a failure. Considering one of you has 1 HP, that’s a big relief.

13. Fighter 6: Use your next ASI to bump up your Wisdom for better spell saves.

14. Fighter 7: Seventh level echo knights can make Echo Avatars, spending an action to see and hear through your echo’s senses instead of your own. This lasts up to 10 minutes, and they can move up to 1,000′ away while this is active. You may act like you’re attached to the hip, but you’re technically two separate people.

15. Rogue 8: Use your next ASI to bump up your charisma for a bigger initiative boost and better panache next level.

16. Rogue 9: Ninth level swashbucklers get that Panache thing I was talking about last level, letting you spend a bonus action to make a contested persuasion check versus another creature’s insight check. If they fail and are hostile, they have disadvantage on attacking creatures that aren’t you, and can’t make attacks of opportunity against you. This lasts one minute, or until your duel is interrupted. If they’re not hostile, they’re charmed for up to a minute or until they’re harmed by your allies. Also, your sneak attack hits the highest it’s going to get at 5d6.

17. Fighter 8: Bump up your Constitution using your last ASI for a lot of health. Remember, constitution applies to health retroactively, so you’re getting an extra 17 HP here.

18. Fighter 9: Ninth level fighters are Indomitable, letting you reroll a failed save once per long rest. I’d save this for death saves, but Bonny’s dexterity saves are life or death for her, so just follow your gut.

19. Fighter 10: Tenth level echo knights can make a Shadow Martyr out of their echo. If Bonny is within 5′ of another creature getting attacked, you can use your reaction to direct the attack at her instead, once per short rest. Her AC is 20 at this point, so she’s probably a better tank than some of the squishier party members. Also it’s way cheaper to revive her.

20. Fighter 11: With our capstone level, you get another Extra Attack. Now you can attack three to six times per turn! Just remember Bonny’s gun still has the loading property, so you’ll have to do the heavy lifting here. Though if you really wanted that extra shot for whatever reason, you might be able to fire once, then make another Bonny to replace the old one and fire again with your new rifle.

Pros:

Being two people is really useful, especially if you use it to eke out sneak attacks you couldn’t get otherwise.

One of the echo knight’s biggest weaknesses is area of effect spells like fireball, since their echo is guaranteed to take damage. Mixing it up with a rogue’s Evasion negates that weakness, and make Bonny a much stronger echo.

Combining a Fighter’s HP with a Rogue’s damage avoidance means you’re pretty tough, with almost 200 HP, reactions to halve damage, and the ability to ignore some big spells, you can stay in the fight for a long time.

Cons:

The same can’t be said for Bonny, though. She still only has 1 HP, and eventually an attack is going to get through her AC. Fighters don’t use their Bonus Action that much, but rogues do, so rebuilding Bonny will slow you down a bit.

Also, that big bonus to Bonny’s toughness doesn’t come until level 12, or 10 if you really speed towards it. That’s at the upper end of what most games go to, so you won’t have long to enjoy it.

Ranged fighters don’t want to go into battle. Melee fighters do. You’re both. That means Bonny gets dragged along with you into the thick of things; not an ideal relationship.

Next up: Did somebody call for a white mage?

#D&D 5e #Fate Grand Order #fgo #Anne Bonny #Mary Read #Fate and Phantasms

32 notes · View notes

circular-time · 4 years

Text

I still want to know what happened to the Fourth Doctor's human social skills. I think that's about when the "cue cards" problem began.

The First Doctor was "a citizen of the universe, and a gentleman to boot." He might have been crotchety at times, but he understood human communication and emotions quite well. "Have you no emotions, sir?" He was loving to his granddaughter and adopted granddaughters, and comforted them when things were scary. Once he got over mistrusting Barbara and Ian, he interacted with them like a normal human being (In fact, he called himself one.) Offering his arm to Barbara, teasing Ian, and so on.

The Second Doctor knew perfectly well when he was being weird. But he was also loving and avuncular in a very human way. He was patient with Jamie, understanding his confusion and explaining things to him in ways he could understand. He was so sweet to Victoria, talking to her about her grief for her father, and how he missed his own family. He was so human.

Mind you, the first two Doctors weren't yet aliens in canon. It was only midway through the Second Doctor's run that scripts started to drop hints that he might not be simply from another time when humans had settled other worlds, but from another species. I suppose it's only natural for the Doctor to act human before the writers knew anything different.

But the Second Doctor's final episode changed everything about the show: suddenly he was an alien being stuck on Earth. You might think that the writers would play with this new toy box by upping the "alien behavior" quotient. And they did a little bit with his playful jokes about Thraskins and eyebrow language and Venusian Aikido. But he still acted incredibly human. He wanted a car. He enjoyed disguising himself as humans and did an authentic impression of a delivery man. He argued with politicians and military leaders in their own terms, understanding them perectly well even when he was rude. "You, sir, are a nitwit!" And while he could have outbursts of temper, he was so loving to Jo in a very hands-on, human way. Remember the Daisiest Daisy speech when he was comforting her fears?

But the Fourth Doctor was a self-proclaimed "being who walked in eternity". We didn't realize it at the time, but that was a fundamental shift as great as stranding the Doctor on Earth and making him join a human military institution. He was alien in a way the previous Doctors were not. "You are a beautiful woman, probably." That wasn't quite a human thing to say. Although he still had fairly good manners when he chose to put them on.

The Fifth Doctor recovered his gentleman's manners like the First, at least when he wasn't being bitingly snarky. However, he wasn't as able to comfort his companions or connect with them as well as his first three incarnations. Six, same problem with more abrasive manners. Seven seems to have been a throwback to Two, but his fatherly relationship with Ace was tempered by an odd power dynamic: he could manipulate her in an almost inhuman way when he needed to. Eight was sweet, but he started as an alien puppy who didn't always know how to navigate a human world.

Compared to the classic Doctors, I still find it strange how much 11, 12, and now 13 have forgotten how to interact with humans. They've spent centuries on Earth by now. They've had dozens of human friends, some of them very close. They've comforted humans' fears, confronted their prejudices and ignorance, argued with them, loved them, played with them, become frustrated with them, mentored and parented them, seen them grow up and grow old. They've butted heads with world leaders and alleyway thugs, military tinpots and protective parents, teenagers and toddlers, uneducated Scotsmen and scientific geniuses. They've interacted with Neanderthals and some of the last humans in the universe. They've bluffed their way into all kinds of human institutions and societies.

Why have they forgotten how to comfort their friends? Act normal when meeting someone's family? Offer condolences when someone has died, which has certainly been happening since the very beginning of their travels?

With Twelve I felt like he'd come to the end of his regeneration cycle and some of his old social skills had burned out or not been transferred when he regenerated, but the "needs cue cards" problem started before 12. I'm disconcerted whenever the Doctor fails a social check which early incarnations would've handled well, before they had as much experience with humans as they do now.

I miss the Daisiest Daisy moments that meant to much to me as a kid, so that I forgot about the Third Doctor being rude because moments like that were so loving, so understanding.

The love is still there, but it's more… abstract. The Doctor doesn't know how to communicate it to friends like they used to. And they have a much harder time navigating human interactions, even with psychic paper to smooth the way.

Maybe there just isn't that much room in any brain for that many lifetimes, and memories become distant and distilled down into facts and knowledge rather than lived experiences as they get overlaid by the memories of more recent lifetimes.

There are headcanon ways to explain this, but I wish new Who would address the fact that as the Doctor gets older, they lose social skills and experience they used to have.

35 notes · View notes

ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity · 4 years

Note

Hello! I'm aroace. I knew I was ace for a while, and aro for a few months now as well. I recently feel as if I might be an oriented lesbian as well, but I'm very scared. I was so excited to know a new part of myself, but when I thought about trying to go meet people, I got very panicky. I'm terrified of getting emotionally close, even just touching hands,because I always turn into this "cute little girlfriend " that isnt who I really am. How do I break this?

That’s a tough one! A lot of the time, the ways we’re conditioned to act by society come out when we’re feeling awkward or unsure of ourselves. It’s why a lot of transmasc people accidentally pitch up their voices when talking to strangers, even if they don’t want to, and a lot of LGBT people in general feel pressured to conform to cisheteronormativity in public.

I just wanna say I’m super proud of you for discovering and accepting all these new things about yourself, by the way! self discovery is complicated and scary sometimes, and I’m glad you can be out to yourself about your aroaceness.

As for the “cute little girlfriend” instinct, my best guess would be that your insecurity is manifesting in a difficulty staying true to yourself in certain social situations. A possible way to counter this might come in the form of self affirmations - Knowing who you are and who you want to become, and reminding yourself in times of indecision! Even just telling yourself “I am aroace, I don’t have to conform to society’s expectations of me, I don’t owe anyone compliance or subservience” (or any combination of affirmations that work for you, personally!) can help.

Also, if being emotionally close is something you want, you might have to work through internalized aphobia and heteronormativity to avoid feeling trapped in amatonormative standards, which is a highly personal journey, but it pays off! My best advice would be to talk to other affectionate aspecs about how they navigate their emotional relationships and aro and/or aceness.

and you can always tell someone not to touch you if you think you can’t handle it or it might be triggering in the moment, too!

-mod ep1phany

#answered #advice #aro #ace #aroace #emotional intimacy #amatonormativity #mod ep1phany #Anonymous

11 notes · View notes

skyler10fic · 4 years

Text

Top 10 of the 2010s

I was tagged by @jemsauce and mentioned by @joi-in-the-tardis so that counts too. haha

1. Finding this community here! I love all of you, and I’ve loved getting to host the Fandom Guide, help with prompt blogs and rec blogs, lead and participate in fandom events, meet up irl, write and read each other’s work, spend our Sleepover Weekends together, encourage and lift up each other, celebrate the first female Doctor and introduce each other to new fandoms, expand our horizons into new art forms and tropes and challenges, stick together through hard times and outlast those causing drama, to help each other find queer labels that fit and get help for mental illness and be prepared for job interviews and find apartments and get through loss and sickness and failure but also celebrate the happiest days of our lives.

2. Discovering asexuality and aromanticism, and that this queer community is big enough for all of us. I am not broken. I am not alone. I don’t have to force myself into heteronormative boxes. I am not less than human or failing or ungrateful or unrealistic. I am aro ace. And that’s something to have Pride in.

3. Not including summer semesters in the UK and Washington DC, I have moved four times: from Texas to Alabama back to Texas (briefly) then to Chicagoland to California.

4. I’ve fought mental illness, sometimes not so bad and sometimes I didn’t know how I was going to make it or why or if it was worth fighting. But I’m still here.

5. I learned to love living alone, but I also learned that I’m an extrovert, and those two together mean I have to be careful about how I live my life and when I am restfully alone and when I’m self-isolating due to #4.

6. In 2009 I was convinced by my church community that I needed to give up reading fanfic, and while that was a good decision for my grades in the second half of college, and I did still read some and write in private, it took getting out on my own after graduation and getting into Doctor Who to get me to start publishing my own writing. I want to expand into writing about asexuality now, but that’s so personal, so it feels vulnerable.

7. I went through a mystery illness that I seem to be managing ok with medicine, but it was scary trying to get that figured out. I still don’t have a name for it, so every time I have to go to a new doctor, which I will have to do soon, it is nerve-wracking to have to hope they listen to my long story and renew my prescriptions. (Unrelated: soon after that I had knee surgery, which then led to having a lot of time on my hands, which led to watching Doctor Who on Netflix!)

8. I got to see so many wonderful places, not just where I moved to but Italy, France, the UK, Germany, Switzerland, and all over the US. I want to see more places over the next decade, but I’m also so grateful for the privilege of travel.

9. I went from being scared to go to places alone (for fear of being seen as pathetic or awkward) to being confident going places alone, even navigating public transportation when my anxiety disorder keeps me from driving.

10. I learned that it’s ok to not like things and to have preferences and to not have to please everyone. I still want to be liked and to do what I can to make things a win-win, but it’s ok to not go along with everything just to keep the peace! People respect those with a backbone, and healthy people genuinely want to know your boundaries so you can stay in a good relationship with them. It’s also true that conflict is inevitable, but it’s not the end of the world, and sometimes people will be on your side and can help find a solution if you’re willing to be uncomfortable and have the hard conversations.

I’m tagging @paigenotblank @onthedriftinthetardis @chiaroscuroverse @perfectlyrose @kelkat9 @melusine0811 @sunniebelle @promisedyouforever @wordsintimeandspace @goingtothetardis and anyone else who wants to do this!

#get to know meme

12 notes · View notes