#bi-erasure

[thenightling]

Probably opening a can of worms but...

I've identified as bi since the late 90s.  Now I'm supposedly something else.  Maybe Queer is the safest answer.   The way people have changed bi into a very narrow field annoys me. "Bi means you don't like trans or nonbinary."  No, it doesn't.  We never meant it to excluse anything when the term became popular.   "But it's in the word.  Bi for binary."  No, bi means two.  Your gender and everyone else's.  That's two. "Bi means you are attracted to the gender and not the person.  Pan means the person comes first, then gender." What?   "Bi doesn't include aliens or mermaids and werewolves."  ...Why? I'd use bi and pan interchangeably but then people ask "What's the difference?" And I can't think of an answer I don't find, on some level, ridiculous.  

Believe it or not, there was a time bisexual, pansexual, and omnisexual all meant pretty much the same thing.

#bisexsual #Bi-erasure #pan #bi #Bisexual #Pansexual #Omnisexual

[hisana123]

I've been in a bit of a bind here. I love men. I only occasionally like women. I know bisexuality has been called a spectrum more than it is 50/50, but just the term "bisexual" alone doesn't give me a sense of identity. Because I feel like I'd be wearing someone else's hat. Marching someone else's march. I was always told that the right label would give you comfort, but that word doesn't for me.

For one thing, my small attraction for women is not making me in a terrible urge to tell my parents. It slightly hurts, but I feel like I could go the rest of my life not telling them because they might think it was a bigger part of me than I actually feel it is. And I'm in love with my boyfriend(who is aware of my feelings), so I feel like there's no point in putting any seeds of doubt in my parents' heads that I'll end up with anyone but him.

For another thing, I don't have any sexual desire for women beyond possibly 2nd base.

I once heard the term "heteroflexible," and that feels closer to me, but people say it contributes to bi-erasure, and the last thing I want to do is offend. But can an identity be wrong if it's how I feel? Is there some other word that is out there for people like me who are not completely straight but don't feel comfortable claiming to be bi?

*Edit: It's been a couple months since I've posted this and the urge to talk about it kept rising and falling out of mind, until I finally started to accept that it was okay to call myself bi today(it still takes a little getting used to). As soon as I did that, I ended up telling my bros, and then the urge to tell my Mom was suddenly overwhelming. I thought I could hold it in forever, but I couldn't. I only felt comfortable enough to hint at it rather than spell it out, and she didn't ask any uncomfortable questions, she just wholeheartedly accepted me.

If anyone else is going through what I went through, please know that whether you prefer the term bisexual or feel it doesn't fit you in the moment, it's okay. No one knows your preferences more than you do. Just know that the right people will accept you with or without labels.

#lgbtqia+ #LGBT #straight #Bisexual #Bi #Bisexuality #heteroflexible #Am I bi #Labels #bi straight #Bi-erasure

[jackoshadows]

I am glad fandoms are talking about and highlighting biphobia given what happened to Kit Connor.

I still remember the nasty Biphobia in the Roswell New Mexico fandom, especially during season 2 when there were all these posts about how the show was erasing queer characters... and Michael Guerin was still right there! All he was doing was dating Maria instead of Alex. And suddenly that made him no longer a part of the LGBTQ+ community and the actors (One of whom is black and got racist hate) and writers got attacked on social media/twitter for ‘Queer Baiting’. And quite a few of the folks doing the attacking were cis straight women who wanted their m/m slash ship and didn’t like a black woman getting in the way of that.

Bi-erasure is real. Toxic Biphobia in fandoms is real. And sometimes the hate affects real people and in this case, a teenager being forced to come out.

#Biphobia #Bi-erasure #Roswell New Mexico #Michael Guerin #Maria Deluca #fandom nonsense #anti Malex stans #RNM

[hieronymph]

Watching The Boys.

The bi-erasure of Maeve fucking hurts.

I know it is a commentary that depicts the truth.

Glad Elena brought it up.

#the boys #queen maeve #bi-erasure

[gwydionmisha]

#Kit Connor #Bi-erasure #Queer Community #Bullying #News

[chaosroid]

The BG3 party members being bi disasters: a series

If I see anyone call the companions "playersexual" one more time, I'm shooting them in the kneecaps.

#this goes for the exclusionary 'astarion is gay' or 'karlach is a lesbian' comments too #fuck outta here with that bi-erasure #baldur's gate 3 #lae'zel #shadowheart #astarion #karlach #wyll ravengard #halsin #bg3 companions #bg3

[zeroar]

(Posting from mobile so not sure if this will be formatted as I wish...)

Three things to add to this video. Biphobia/bi-erasure, an answer to the question asked, and ableism.

One: "non-practicing bisexual" is probably supposed to mean a bisexual person who appears to be in a heterosexual relationship. But the words make it sound like the times in-between orgies (you need at least two other people of different genders to be a "practicing bisexual", right?). Regardless, bisexual people are bisexual. Calling them non-practicing is absurd especially when they are literally in a relationship with someone. If they were overly chaste or something, maybe it would make sense for that. When we are in a relationship with people who appear to be the same gender, we're called gay and when we are in a relationship with people who appear to be a different gender we are called straight, but both are "practicing" our sexuality.

Two, and it's a two-part answer: autigender is the idea that the gender of an autistic person is colored by being autistic. It can mean different things for different people but generally we present our gender as we see ourselves or we don't particularly feel attached to our gender as an aspect of ourselves. This is strongly related to why we are more likely to be queer and trans than other neurotypes. This means that being with a cis, male, autistic person can be drastically different from being with a cis, male, allistic person (and similarly for cis, female persons). At the very least, autistic men should be less likely to suffer from machismo and overtly posture like allistic men do. (On the other hand, we are more likely to be narcissists so even if autistic persons aren't as likely to be overtly posturing about how big or tight their genitals are and all that entails, we may still be vainglorious in other ways).

The second part of the answer as to why the meme seems relatable is recalling again that we are more likely to be queer than allistic persons. Further, cis, female autistic persons are more likely to be undiagnosed. So it's very likely for a bisexual person to fall for an autistic person of a different gender because it's more likely that bisexual persons are autistic and we get along better with the same neurotype. (Scientifically, the defining characteristic of autism is traditionally our social difficulties, but these are not only less of a problem when people of the same neurotype are interacting, autistic people have less miscommunication between ourselves than allistic folks do between themselves).

Third: there are a couple subversive ableist things mentioned in the video. I imagine they are not deliberate which is one reason why I am talking about them, to inform others to be on the lookout and try to be better.

"touch of the 'tism" is extremely ableist in maybe not so obvious ways. In the video, it seems to be a way to say "autism, but not the bad kind". In other words, it's the latest iteration of "Asperger's" or "high-functioning" or whatever other nightmare we've come up with to say the same thing.

You cannot separate autism from the autistic person. We're more likely to be introspective and think deeply, more likely to be repeatedly reminded of the every day lies and betrayals allistic folk not only don't mind but don't even notice. We're more likely to have extra sensory needs and a host of concomitant conditions.

The desire for an autistic person without extra needs is understandable in that if you can find a partner (no matter their neurotype) without extra needs then... they... need less.

Didn't intend that to be a tautology, but I wanted to explicitly state that on its face, it makes sense. That is, everything else being equal, your partner having more desirable qualities and less undesirable qualities makes sense? However, being able to pick and choose partners like they're models of a phone seems pretty removed from reality to me and is one of those thought experiments that doesn't survive reality, but the commodification of love is not one I've ever particularly understood. People listing down qualities like "they have to be brunette with big boobs and a thick dick" makes me question how other folks ever enter into any meaningful relationship or if other people even experience love as it is written about in stories and how I perceive myself experiencing it.

But this is reality, and when it comes down to listing out what you look for in a partner, "being autistic but having no drawbacks from being autistic" is not just unsettling, it's fetishization. (The things I described above are fetishization as well by the way—or is fetishism the more appropriate word?— it's not limited to things like race and neurotype)

I've forgotten the exact words of the video, but "men with just a touch of the 'tism are so nice!" sounds a lot like, "Autistic people are so good at math" and "bisexual people are so sexual" and all these other "positive" 'isms.

I'm an autistic person who is considered good at math, but loads of us are rubbish at it. Conversely, I'm a bisexual person but I am also on the asexual spectrum so if you're unicorn hunting I'm probably not what you're looking for.

The classic quote in the Autism community goes something like, "high-functioning means your needs get ignored, low-functioning means your abilities do."

I'm not saying you cannot prefer autistic people over allistic people. We tend to have a lot of positive qualities. But talking about us like our autism makes us more attractive while casually excluding any autistic person who would be too undesirable by somehow ranking how much autism we have is weird and pretty similar to what that nazi Asperger did, sending the undesirable autistics to be killed in gas chambers while saying the desirable ones have qualities that can benefit the nation.

To be clear what I'm saying, autistic people who appear to be only "slightly autistic" (whatever that means) can usually maintain a public front or façade and, if they're diagnosed and actively working on masking, might have a lot of accommodations and practices that helps them maintain that façade for their own safety. The closer you become to an autistic person, the safer they might feel around you to the point they relax some of those guards and appear more obviously autistic. That's a good thing! It takes so much energy to mask that it regularly drives persons from marginalized groups into burnout.

Closing notes...

Just a reminder: the video person is symptomatic of our society and is probably not aware how deeply unsettling fetishizing autism is. Additionally, autistic people are more likely to be queer than allistic people, so there's a reasonable chance the person is autistic themselves, especially if they find themselves more attracted to autistic persons than allistic persons. Please don't attack the person for their unknowing ableism. TikTok doesn't have the character limit to help me talk to them and the video seems to be pretty large in views so it seems extremely unlikely positive change could come by addressing them directly from a random internet person.

I obviously can't control how you react to another person and I'm not asking you to be inauthentic. I am only asking that you consider intent and harm caused. I'm using the video as a presentation slide to talk about a societal problem, not as an effigy or piñata, and definitely not as a scapegoat. If you found that video via my post, then please don't attack another person in retaliation because of it.

Also, I know some autistic people defend "touch of the 'tism" and use it themselves. You can probably guess, yes, I consider this internalized ableism along the same lines as Aspie-supremacy and clinging to being "high-functioning". Being autistic is not inherently a bad thing. The issue more often than not is how society views and interacts with us.

#actually autistic #bisexual #ableism #fetishization #biphopia #bi-erasure #neurodivergent #autigender #autism #functioning labels #touch of the tism

[fixing-bad-posts]

My favourite is bi trans lesbians !!!!! We support!!!!

#fixingbadposts #fixing-bad-posts #erasure poetry #pro mspec #bi lesbian positivity #bi lesbians #bi lesbian #trans lesbian #trans lesbians #queer

[drchucktingle]

all time funniest review. someone please check on the scoundrels they are very riled over our joy

the audiobook for NOT POUNDED BY BI ERASURE BECAUSE MY CURRENT HETERO-PRESENTING RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT INVALIDATE MY QUEERNESS is available here

#buckaroo lifestyle #devilman agenda #bi erasure #bisexual

[weebisexual]

#celebrities #lady Gaga #stefani germanotta #bisexual #bisexuality #bi celebs #bi erasure #bi women #1k

[bisexual-coala]

I'm so sick of people erasing Korrasami's bisexuality. The comments on this are so infuriating

#THEY ARE BISEXUAL #korrasami #tlok #the legend of korra #legend of korra #lok #korra #bisexual erasure #bi erasure #asami sato #biphobia

[awesomechocolatesauce]

So, I found this comment on a video where Neil Newbon, the voice actor of Astarion, confirms that Astarion is, in fact, pansexual. Not gay, but pansexual, and this person still feels the need to try to debunk it, then has the gall to be like "IT FEELS LIKE GAY ERASURE TO MAKE A CLEARLY GAY MAN BI/PAN FOR MARKETING PURPOSES" when they were literally spouting bi/pan erasure just because Astarion is theatrical and talks about men.

So... who's going to tell them that Astarion flirts with Shadowheart and Lae'zel, too? Who's going to tell them that relying on stereotypes is bad?

"It's so weird to watch Astarion romance videos with a female Tav". Well, it shouldn't. He's pansexual. If you can't stomach it, that's your problem.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate iii #bg3 astarion #lgbtqpia #pansexuality #lgbtqia #lgbt #why do people keep insisting he's gay? #yes he does talk about men #that doesn't mean anybody else isn't an option #will I ever stop being mad at people who keep insisting he's gay? #no #no I will not #jessica's personal stuff #pan erasure #bi erasure

[hoolay-boobs]

Back at it with my salty memes 💝

Part 1 of Bisexual Salty Memes

#anti bi erasure #bi erasure #bisexual #bi memes #bisexuality #bi #bisexual memes #she ra glimmer #glimmer she ra #spop glimmer #glimmer spop #queen glimmer #princess glimmer #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra #spop #glimbow #lumity #luz noceda #the owl house #toh #harley quinn #dr harleen quinzel #harleen quinzel #dc #hello kitty #bisexual pride #bi pride #bisexual positivity #bi positivity

[blenselche]

bi bat squeaking intensifies

#the amount of bi erasure in the fandom when it comes to these two lol #I love Ash and Bonnie had a real cute flirtationship going on with Guy in the scream queen comics #bubbline #bonnibel bubblegum #marceline abadeer #adventure time

[longstoryshqrt]

whoever found the “I’m bi, actually” quote annoying, just know I’m under your bed

#nick nelson #heartstopper #heartstopper spoilers #heartstopper season 2 #heartstopper s2 #bisexual #bisexual representation #hes bi actually and so what #you wanna be David nelson so bad fuck u #its the bisexual erasure for me #/// #nickcharlie #narlie #nick x charlie #kit connor

[tippenfunkaport]

"She-Ra is bad bisexual rep because all the bi/pan characters end up in m/f relationships!"

Not true! Perfuma is bi/pan and she ends up with Scorpia!

"Oh, well I like to headcanon Perfuma as a lesbian."

...so then you understand that's not the show's fault, right? That that's just a problem you made up in your head?

-

Excuse me a second, I need to scream about this...

Because this has come up over and over (esp on Twitter and TikTok) with people who want to claim that every bi/pan SPOP character ends up in a m/f relationship... by conveniently pretending Perfuma is not canonically bi/pan herself. And every time they are asked to elaborate why they are ignoring her canon status, they give the same answer: that they consider Perfuma a lesbian because now that she's with a woman, she's "not bi anymore"

And... yeah... you know that's not how it works, right? That being bi/pan is not just a phase you get over? That a bi/pan woman dating another woman doesn't suddenly make her a lesbian any more than it makes a bi/pan person dating someone of the opposite gender magically straight?

The person you are currently dating does not change your bi/pan status. Ever. And insisting it does, especially just so you can score some points by making up an issue about a show to be mad about, is super GD harm harmful to the real bi/pan people in your life.

(This is the exact same thing The Owl House fandom does with Lumity and why Dana had to make Luz present a whole slideshow in the cartoon reminding everyone she is still very much bi even though Amity is a lesbian. TOH fans kept insisting because Luz is dating Amity now, she's a lesbian. Nope. Her and Amity can be married for a billion years and that wouldn't change Luz's orientation.)

"But I heard that someone's roommate's cousin who worked with someone on the show once liked a fanart that showed Scorfuma with the lesbian flag so it's basically canon!"

First of all, the legend of this grows daily and I think it's really telling that this archival obsessed fandom only talks about this mythical like and yet has never been able to produce a single screenshot of it.

But for the sake of argument, let's say that this really happened and actually exists, that someone related to the show, however distantly, liked fanart once that implied Perfuma was a lesbian somehow. That still doesn't make it canon. People related to the show and even ND himself have liked and reblogged all sorts of stuff that isn't canon, including g/a, and have been very clear that the only canon is what happens within the show itself.

And, in the show, Perfuma is canonically bi/pan. We see her crushing on Bow, She-Ra, Huntara and Scorpia. The fact that people want to pretend the Bow thing never happened when he's the only character we see her actually date over the run of the show AND it's a major Season 1 plot point is wild to me and just shows the lengths people will go for bi/pan erasure.

And I get that some people enjoy using Perfuma to tell a story about comphet or coming out as a lesbian later in life and I am fully in favor of doing your thing with your headcanons in fanworks. But when it reaches the point it has now where fans are attacking other fans for saying Perfuma is bi/pan or attacking the show for not having any bi/pan character in same sex relationships when Perfuma is CANONICALLY bi/pan is ridiculous. 

Keep in mind that your headcanon is literally just something you made up in your head. It's pretend. Fun, yes, but NOT something you can use as justification to attack people over!

Especially when it's something like this that causes real world harm by perpetuating harmful stereotypes about bi/pan people being "just a phase" or a temporary state that changes based on who you date.

#spop #shera #she ra #perfuma #scorfuma #bisexuality #bisexual #lgbtq #bisexual erasure #pansexual #bi/pan rep #pansexuel #lgbtqa #lumity #toh #the owl house #lumity 🤝 scorfuma #people claiming they are a lesbian relationship when one of them is bi #saphhic #is the word you are looking for #discourse #wlw #wlw ship #also good terms to use