#but holy fuck the whole “The One” aspect of this oh my GOD it drives me insane
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Do you believe in soulmates? (2/2)
oho. oh HO ho. there is no joke this time you do not know what essays you’ve gotten yourself into with this one
#so. to begin with i kind of fucking hate this whole concept#okay maybe hate is a strong word i can understand the whole whimsy for the “we were meant to meet and love each other in every life” part#it’s cute yeah yeah you can have a little bit as a treat. i’m not the sourpuss shitting on valentine’s day as purely corporate scheming#and it can be nice if it’s platonic as well#but holy fuck the whole “The One” aspect of this oh my GOD it drives me insane#even disregarding how it basically encourages holding romance to a pedestal and the mindset of Your Partner Will Solve All Your Problems#how it puts so much unrealistic pressure on this one person to Be everything you’ve ever wanted and the whole weird relationship as therapy#slash replacement for human connection or a single relationship being otherwise inexplicably superior thing#have you seen the amount of motherfuckers with the “i can fix him” i mean it’s funny as a MEME but god if y’all really thinking like this#i don’t know what to tell you#it feels so fucked up to designate finding this isolated perfect love as your destined purpose#like god knows we’re already way too conditioned to want a romantic relationship by society as is. now you’re saying you gotta??#i’m not saying all sentiment is trite by this or anything i too am a silly little man in love and yeah#sometimes you get to pondering the metaphysical orb of why we’re here. it isn’t wrong to do that#but it feels like the massive amount of expectations we have around love bc of this culture has turned it into more of a Whole Thing#and sometimes what it makes us think of the Whole Thing is FUCKING WRONG#i’m sure someone out there’s phrased this way more eloquently than me i’m just one skeptical arospec bitch. but you start to notice things#this has been your daily drug induced rambling signing off at 10 o clock
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I don't even know if you're still in the Matt Engarde hype but oh my fucking god. holy fucking shit. I am obsessed with the thought that this man would rather create a whole persona as an amalgamation of the traits he doesn't see as "acceptable", one who can carry the blow of Celeste's suicide because he's bad and independent and dettached and everything he was never allowed to be, one who can carry the anger he bottled up for the sake of images; the anger rooted so deep, burning him inside out at every ounce fear and the self-hatred and the neglect and the betrayal of being left behind he encounter. I'm going insane.
He sees "growing up" as something bad, as if being a fully separated entity from who nurtured you is shameful, and how this somated with the grayness of Celeste's relationship with him (and the fact all the people in canon she was in a relationship with, romantic or not, borderline or straight-up codependent) heavily implies that she, consciously or not, made him fully rely on her for everything and fed into the image that things should be like that forever: that he would never be someone if not "part" of her. And not to be an Engarde apologist or anything but the knowledge that this is a common strategy for abusers, especially parents and caretakers; to "mesh" with their targets to a point they don't know who they are without them, and how this causes long-lasting identity and self-image issues, much like that dude Matt?? It's driving me nuts.
Just. The littlest, tiniest voice in my head saying that Engarde would rather destroy the already poor image he had of himself as a person and wear the "evil" label like an armor than to acknowledge he might have been a victim won't shut up and i'm very sorry for the lenght of this but i've been running up my walls all day brainstorming about this and i need to sleep. I know this may be far-fetched, so feel free to add any divergences from my biased conclusions if you'd like!
i am always and forever in matt engarde hype anon....thank you so much for this ask that has been on my mind since i got it. your point about his relationship with celeste being part of his urge to "mesh" and stay childlike is really fucking me up. i love it so much it makes different aspects of the whole puzzle click in my head. also "would rather be evil than a victim" i think describes engarde deeply. anyway i just love all of this thank you so much for sharing<333
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Finished season 5 of PLL so I have to ramble
it felt like it took us about ten years to get thru this season. some of those eps were dragging and i think i zoned out more during this season than any other
i knew mona was still alive so that twist didn’t get me but it was still a lot of fun to see it play out
SPEAKING of mona. how on god’s green earth can you be on trial for murder when they NEVER FOUND A BODY??? also how are they going to arrest the other girls as accomplices when they weren’t even the ones on trial??? like as soon as they decide ali is a killer they have grounds to immediately send the other girls to prison??? ok
but the absolute stupidest moment this season. was all four girls signing up for a blood drive. to willingly have blood taken out of their bodies and put in lil vials where anyone could snatch it up and use it to fake dna evidence. and you’ll never guess what happened??? like yeah sometimes they make dumb decisions and you’re like “well it wasn’t the best choice but they dont have all the information” or “well they’re like 16 sometimes you do dumb things” but MY GOD this was the idiot moment to trump all idiot moments. this was just downright stewpid. it was five seconds into the episode and we had to pause so i could rant about how idiotic it was aksljfsldfs. especially bc hanna and caleb KNEW there were ziploc bags full of bloody clothes that were evidence for mona’s “murder” and ???? she still gave blood???? maybe she deserved to get arrested alksfjdklsfjdlsfjsdk
but anyway speaking of hanna and caleb they really are like That Ship like they were so fucking ride or die for each other turned up to 11 this season. caleb was like “if you get arrested then im getting arrested too idgaf” and in the dollhouse hanna tells A “if i see caleb in here i will Kill You” like holy shit i love the devotion, i love them so so much
toby was... a cop. he started out with good intentions and the whole “this town is full of crooked cops so you could at least have a crooked cop thats on your side” was sooo true bestie but he kind of got lost in the sauce after that oops. he started to come around and wise up so hopefully he gets better
the relationships this season had me tearing my hair out. paige gets put on a bus which, yay, get out of here. and then two seconds later a grown woman is trying to get with emily. and the second spoby is on the rocks there’s some weirdo living in spencer’s barn that’s trying to get with her. and im still not sure what his age is but that receding hairline they tried to disguise with his stringy bangs tells me he’s too old for her. oh and adam from glee i almost forgot him. and aria doesnt have any time away from ezra before she’s hitting up her tutor. at least he’s her age. but goddamn these girls cannot take a single breath without being involved in ten different kinds of relationship drama at the same time. its exhausting. it would not kill them to be single for one damn episode
speaking of disgusting age gap relationships. we had to pause the show again just so i could scream about ezria for about the 9184930th time. bc. ezra is mad at caleb over mike, talking about how mike’s just a kid and if he makes the wrong decision then it could fuck up the rest of his life and he’s way too young to do that. mike is sixteen. so ezra views a sixteen year old boy as a kid but a sixteen year old girl is a viable romantic option? ok... ezra deserved to have his dick chopped off, his skin flayed, and be thrown in a vat of acid. minimum. it’s the least he deserves aklsjfskldf
anyway big picture i liked a lot of aspects of the mystery unfolding?? but as a whole this season felt sooo draggy like hurry it up already. the finale was fun and im actually looking forward to starting the next season. two left, we’re sooo close to the end!!!
spencer, caleb, and hanna are still my faves, in that order. toby fell off a little but i still like him. emily is okay it’s just her relationships that are rotted. and aria’s relationships are rotted but i also just dont like her as a person. i dont trust ali and quite frankly i dont believe a damn thing she says ever. mona is a queen and im so glad she’s back. literally everyone over the age of 20 on this show can fuck off and die bc they’re all nasty lmao. thats my thoughts on all the characters <3
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WHERE THE FUCK DID FEBRUARY GO? WASN'T THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLE MONTH HERE?
Shit's coming up fast, oh god.
So, i have an appointment for my driver's test in March, and essentially through this entire month i was like "finish the log. finish it. write things in. do it."
I got to 37 hours of 60. Oi.
And then the fact that i literally CANNOT drive at night in this area. Between the light pollution of the city, those HUGE LED billboards that light up half the highway, and those new cars with retina burning headlights, I've literally struggled to keep my eyes adjusted to the night and nearly missed a fucking stoplight. I need 10 night hours. I have done 1 and realized it was pointless. I think i can back home though. Smaller town. Less light pollution.
I mean, i know I've actually driven the right amount by now, but i haven't been writing that shit down. Even my dad was like "you're ready, just fuck the log" and i was like "okay, cool"
I need to grab another page (WHY DOES IT HAVE SO FEW SPACES FOR 60 HOURS???) and draw out the things and fill it in and then get my grandma and my dad's IDs and fill in ALL THE ID NUMBERS, get them to sign EVERY Single ONE.
Hnngg. Then reminding my dad to take that day off to take me there. Like i've told him, but this is the man i definitely got my adhd from. Likely forgot by now. It's been like 3 months since i made the appointment (earliest one too. tf.)
And then the whole anxiety of all the plans I've made. Like, after getting my license i was going to prepare myself to move back to FL to be with my mom and around all my friends and such.
Like. I'm basically long distance dating this guy by now. We literally have plans set, just without date. Because I could either be there in April or i could be there mid summer or later, which is infuriating.
Ntm the fact that my money is VERY Quickly dwindling. Like, it'll cost a couple hundred just in gas to get there. I'm already down to less than my car insurance payment that will go through in June. I was hoping I could get down there, get that job, etc etc, THEN pay it off. Because here, I'd be working in a place for like a month and then ditching. That's not ideal.
So, I'm hoping my dad will help me pay for things in that aspect because holy fuck.
I also really need to change my bank because after it got bought out, the new company was like "K. If you have less than $500 average in your checking you pay $8 a month for use." Like WHAT THE FUCK??
And THEN that fucking FYE VIP Charge that I DID NOT sign up for taking another $12 a month. I literally went through their customer service, they couldn't find my info, yet I'm Being Charged for something i DIDNT SIGN UP FOR.
And well, a bank/card change would get rid of BOTH shitty little predatory charges here.
I've literally been going between those online banking services checking to see what's the best, because this bank charges me, cut my interest on my savings down like 95%, and is just inconvenient all together. Like, my dad has one, if i sign up with his code we both get $50, THEN the long distance guy has another where you get $100 if you get the banking thing AND a credit card with them for both parties. And I'm just here like "Oh god. Choices."
And then this guy. So, yeah, it has escalated a bit. He's the sweetest damn thing but every night it just somehow turns into, "I can't wait for us to finally be together" and me just thinking like "fuck if this doesn't work out right...."
Like it has turned from me saying "why tf am i feeling things for that weird guy from high school? Bet I'm just lonely" to being like "Yep. I've definitely fallen for him."
He's sweet, he's passionate, he's safe, and he's just great. He definitely cares a lot. There's something about the way he's outright trying to make sure I'm in a good place mentally and getting what i need to done and just being encouraging and a great company.
Like yeah, half the motivation for getting things done lately is just making sure i can make it down there to stop this from being long distance. There's somebody down there who genuinely wants to be that person to just exist at home with and go on adventures about town with. Just somebody to have around for literally anything.
Like. I CAME OUT TO HIM. He didn't even dodge the topic like my last ex did. It wasn't this awkward thing, it was just "as long as this makes you happy" and just jeez <3
then the worry about being with my mom again because FL rent is a waking nightmare. Like yeah, I'm going to get shit about my weight a lot and still have to pay HER rent, but i mean, it's better than being in this hellscape that is a metropolis and nearby people i like and trust. and not the constant hostility between people out here.
I've come to the conclusion that people in cities are just awful and so stuck in their lives of nothing but work and the hell that is this place with no escape which has made them into what they are now. At no fault of their own, but they're all selfish assholes. Like everybody is struggling and packed in like sardines. Of course we're all on edge. But FUCK, be NICE to others for the love of god. We're all in the same cement hell.
I want peace, and peace is a place i know well. I want to be back home already and not panicking about all this shit and slowly going broke due to predatory capitalism.
I want to be with that guy. I want to have my friends just ten minutes away. I want to be back in this familiar town i know like the back of my hand instead of this cement labyrinth of highways and skyscrapers. I'll settle for my old Panera job for a while. I just want something familiar that isn't this.
I want peace again and a place that's loud and hostile isn't peace.
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you make a great point on how yaldy's relationship / the fact akira killed someone he knew for months is never elaborated on. man the amount of malice that must've been in that bullet... ough. i really dont think he'd have an easy time trusting any sort of god or high authority figure after that. (not that it was in the first place.) this might also make his awakening to satanael kind of.... complicated, but given that they're his other self i think he'd be open to trying to trust them. (1/2)
(2/2) i agree so hard with your last point. i absolutely see satanael as being protective of akira for a multitude of reasons, like the 'pure being' one you mentioned. i think he'd probably see something of himself in akira? either empathizing with how he's been cast out and then had all this bullshit happen, or feeling alike in rebellious spirit. maybe a connection through the fact that they're both good "people" but also still willing to play dirty and be selfish. prolly all of the above ahaha
YEAH another things that wasn't super elaborated on is Yaldabaoth's and Akira's relationship. They had a fucking confidant and it's treated like it's nothing in the end. Akira had bonded with him through the confidant, even if Yaldy was lying, which meant that Yaldabaoth must have had SOME positive feelings for Akira. I've always imagined it similar to that of Satanael (woohoo parallels) in that Yaldy believes that humanity is worthless and greedy and selfish, and that in order to save them he has to rule over them. But then theres Akira, the exact opposite of what he believed humanity to be, and spent months guiding him (in his eyes, as it was most sabotage and cryptic hypocrisy on Akira's end). He even offers Akira a place in his new world, which like....holy shit why does no one ever talk about the fact that Yaldabaoth offered Akira his ideal world (together with his friends helping people). That indicates that Yaldy has some bit of care for Akira. I've always thought that Yaldabaoth does actually care about Akira, in a fucked up, controlling "oh you poor misguided soul I, your merciful and wonderful god, will protect you" type of way, but he does have some care for him. Yaldabaoth might even seen Akira turning down his offer as a betrayal against him (which. isn't fair in the least bit but by know we all know Yaldy is anything but fair). And on Akira's side, it's just another authority figure that was supposed to protect him use and throw him away when he rebels. Anger is a huge driving factor in his actions and awakening and another betrayal by those in power amplified that to a biblical scale, which was likely another aspect that drew Satanael to him. I really wish the Fool confidant was more in depth and not the same shit looped over and over. Imagine if we actually got to build a bond with Yaldabaoth (I've the idea of Yaldy using random people to interact with Akira mixed with Igor's stuff, which at first could be seen as the Fool being Tokyo at large.) imagine being able to build a bond with the villain of the story, creating a complex dynamic of an unhealthy bond and make the ending scene having some really strong emotional weight
I've got more for Satanael because he lives in my head rent free. a lot of this is also based on how I think ultimates work. I personally think that God personas are still their godly selves, but (to an extent) share a soul with their masters. The whole contract thing makes me think of legitimately making a contract with a higher being. (Maybe it's a fusion type thing where the God's fuse with your persona? I'm still not entirely sure). So I think in a metaphorical and literal way, Satanael does see himself in Akira. They both hold this parallel of being cast out, rebelling against God and destroying Eden (both the world Yaldy wanted and the one Maruki wanted, but with Maruki its more of a literal parallel). Akira is the Trickster of rebellion, and has the kindness and perceived purity that Satanael lacks. He sees how much Akira has gone through and wants to preserve those qualities because he sees the world (and humanity as a whole) as an awful corrupt thing that would only hurt him more. He's an example of what little good there is in the world and Satanael is more than ready to fight it for him. difference between him and Yaldy's idea of protection is that Satanael actually respects Akira's free will and desire not to burn the world down.
I've also got this concept in my head that Satanael and Akira have this "You can't trust anyone but yourself" idea. Like Akira has some MAJOR trust issues in general with both authority and people around them, even people he deeply cares about and feels a connection to (see: Goro and Maruki). He doesn't really trust his friends with his problems (especially after the interrogation room, that whole post scene is just YIKES but even without that there's the whole "I need to be a strong unshakable leader they think I am" and the WHOLE song of beneath the mask) and it's....not really healthy but once Satanael actually came to Akira they both sort of clung to each other because now Satanael has someone who understands and cares about him and Akira can actually share his issues and fears with someone without the fear of it being used against him or being perceived as weak or less than. They believe that they can only really rely on themselves, as they as are each other, Satanael and Akira rely on each other in a way he won't with with anyone else.
#dani speaks#MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL#im sorry for talking your ear off about this but you triggered off the insane thoughts in my head#im a LIVING right now I love it when people ask me/comment on my thoughts#thank you anon#satanael has so many cool aspects that could be expanded on and im miffed that its not#but ill do it myself god dammit#can you tell I follow muzzleroars? yeah#their aus are just too good and they're one of the few people that actually expand on Yaldy and yaldy's relationship with akira#its really good and has given me brain rot#persona 5#persona#ask#asks#akira kurusu#yaldabaoth#satanael#p5 satanael
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Jumin Han’s Bad End 2 DLC - Notes / Opinion
Y’all know me. I have to take notes for everything I play or read or watch. I can’t help it. Here we have Jumin Han’s Bad End 2 DLC. The infamous bad end. The red shoes bad end. The “kinky” bad end, to some. Not my favorite bad end, but a memorable one. With that said, let’s dive in! Spoilers ahead!
Episode 1
This DLC has multiple endings! Interesting. Depending on how I answer will determine which end I get. This has me thinking there may be a way to get Jumin back onto a healthier relationship track? I will eventually aim to achieve both endings, though.
Jumin’s hand is fucking HUGE. MASSIVE. WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING HIM? Please hold while I scream at Kristan (jalaqueeno) about this. Holy shit.
It’s been one month since Jumin went to work. One whole month! Mr. Jumin Workaholic Han hasn’t gone to work in ONE MONTH! This man has made it his sole mission to keep you locked up & stay with you. Dude, like… why are you so obsessed with me~?
MANSION? They’re not in the penthouse anymore? I mean… there are worse cages to be kept in.
I am absolutely playing the answers that subtly suggest I am not ok with this new forced live-in situation.
HE’S TRACKING HOW MANY STEPS I’VE TAKEN. Wait until this man finds out I hate walking the mile…
Jumin continues to call this a game. Says he has a therapist on standby. Does he know that HE can use the therapist? In fact, I highly recommend it.
He says you can leave at any time. Color me suspicious. I don’t believe him for one second. How far is this “game” going?
MY PRECIOUS BABY DARLING SWEETIE PIE TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD WHOLESOME BEAUTY PERFECT CUPCAKE ELIZABETH 3RD HAS ARRIVED!
According to Jaehee, MC has been with Jumin for two months now.
Interesting how Jaehee makes a point to mention the mansion being untouched as this is where Jumin keeps his childhood toys. He brought you where he keeps his toys. Does he really see all of this as a game & you’re a toy? Can he snap out of it if you call for the game to end, or will there be backlash?
Some of these answer choices feel tricky. I’m trying to gently weasel my way out of this “game” without hurting anyone.
“Don’t say that to my master.” Listen, Jumin is my favorite man in this game, but that answer option physically made me cringe. Me? Call a man master? I could never. Not me. Not this bitch.
Wow. Ok. All this stuff with Jumin’s mom is moving fast. I can already see if he actually does lose her, it may make him hold onto MC that much more/harder. Maybe.
Woah woah woah. I know Jumin is acting a little suspicious & out of sorts, BUT AIN’T NO ONE MARRYING HIM EXCEPT ME. ALL RIGHT? I’ll fight. I know where to get a bomb…
Excuse me? A fitness trainer? Yeah........ about that. I’m going to have to leave. Sorry this situation didn’t work out between us Juju. Best of luck, though!
Episode 2
My room is kind of cute! Wait, why the fuck aren’t Jumin & I sharing a room? If I’m locked up & tracked, you better believe I’m sleeping next to that dick.
Send a message to space? The fuck?
Oh. Duh.
“I heard that obsession comes from anxiety.” DING DING DING DING.
Omg Seven. You can’t just ask me to open my box. I’m seeing another man...
LONG HAIRED JUMIN?????
Jumin really didn’t have one woman in his life who wasn’t cold or weird to him. I know we already knew from his route he had a difficult upbringing. But I hadn’t expected them to dive into that aspect for this DLC but I can see how there’s the connection.
I told him I wanted to be alone to see if he’d respect boundaries.
OH SHIT THAT CHAPTER ENDED SO QUICK. DID I FUCK UP?!
Episode 3
So are we meant to see this adult Jumin, playing this “game” with MC, as him regressing within himself & falling back to enjoying fantasy? Avoiding reality? Something he didn’t allow himself to do as an actual child? He didn’t understand why people indulge in magic, fantasy, make-believe as a kid. Now he’s vastly overshot the mark to the point that this fantasy life with MC has become his “reality.”
DO NOT GIVE THIS BABY BOY WINE, I SWEAR TO GOD.
Omg. Little Jumin is so cute. I will fight everyone to protect him.
This woman done fucked up. Look at this child, you’ve given him anxiety. He doesn’t know if you want him to be mechanical or a normal kid. Jesus. All this Work Work Work No Emotion Work Only No Feelings bullshit is her fault. Jumin’s only doing what he was taught. He was told this is all he’s good for, all he was meant for.
“I feel like I am a tool. Sometimes I want to be treated like a son.” STOP. IF THIS GAME MAKES ME CRY. I’M GONNA FIGHT SOMEONE.
IF Y’ALL DON’T GIVE THIS LITTLE BOY THE LOVE & AFFECTION & CARE HE DESERVES
Jumin is obsessed with grape juice. Grows up to be obsessed with wine. Y’all made him an alcoholic.
“I am not like her. I will not be cold. I will be warm to my family…” JUMIIIIIN. THIS LITTLE BOY IS TRYING SO HARD! IT IS POSSIBLE JUMIN! AIM FOR YOUR GOOD & NORMAL ENDINGS!
SLEEPY JUMIN HAN CG
OH FUCK
OH FUCK ME
OH HELLO HUSBAND GODDAMN YOU LOOKIN’ CUTE AS FUCK
LET ME HOLD YOU JUMIN. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED & HELD & CARED FOR!
I think you have to choose the answers that gently pry you away from Jumin? He can’t force this relationship. It can’t be controlled by him. It isn’t a game. He needs to come to that realization, but he’s really not making that connection...
“I have never been involved in a deal outside a form of give-and-take.” Oh, that hurt. He doesn’t trust you to stay with him unless he can offer you something? His money/extravagance/keeping you in this “game” you started with him & him playing into it is what he has to do to keep you with him.
“Please show me that you love me. I want to know what love is.” Insert Explicit MC x Jumin Fanfic Here. I’ll show you, Jumin. I’ll show you all night long.
*Jumin snuggled closer* In my own personal canon, that means we FUCKED. SLOWLY. GENTLY. ROMANTICALLY.
Episode 4
The creepy lullaby music started up. Shit is about to go down.
Omg is this butler going to lock me in the basement?
Lmao did I fuck up with the “what’s a cage doing here?” reply? How was I supposed to know there wasn’t actually a cage there? No Jumin, I don’t want a cage. …. at least not for me, but we can discuss that later.
SHE WOULD LOCK HIM IN THE BASEMENT? That’s it. I’m fighting everyone. Stay behind me Jumin, I’ll protect you.
“Let me talk to her! I’d like a word with her!” LET ME AT HER, JUMIN. I HAVE SOME SHIT TO SAY. SHE’S DYING. I HAVE A SHORT WINDOW. LET ME AT HER.
Not little boy Jumin Shawshank Redemptioning his way out of the basement omggggg
JUMIN YOU WANNA FUCK? NOW? This man is sending me through whirlwind of emotions.
OH SHIT. I’m torn between the “whisper in his ear” option or the “let’s change our roles for just today” because as y’all may know, I enjoy being in charge.
Me: “Let’s change our roles…” Jumin: “Uhhh maybe we should leave.” Darling, you know you’re a submissive. It’s ok. No judgement.
FADE TO BLAAAAACK. THEY FUCKIN’.
I’M HOOTIN’ & HOLLERING. After the fade the black I said I would stay in my own clothes & Jumin says, “They’re dirtier than you would think.” DID THIS MAN JUST CUM EVERYWHERE? LMAAAOOOO
Happy End!
Ayyy we did it, lads! Unlocked the happy ending first. Even though we already gave Jumin a happy ending in that basement, you know what I’m sayin’~
LMFAOOOOO JUMIN STILL CAN’T DRIVE LMFAOOOO
Wait, turned our backs on everything? How the fuck is this the happy end? Happy for who? Jumin?
So… what the fuck was that?
The good ending just reenforces this “only us” narrative? The good ending is that this “game” Jumin & MC are playing doesn’t end? Nothing resolves. He doesn’t mend any relationships. There’s no healing or moving on. He exerts more of his control on MC & takes more drastic measures to ensure they’re together.
WAIT. DID WE JUST FUCKING ABANDON ELIZABETH 3RD TOO? ABSOLUTELY NOT. THIS ENDING SUCKS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FUCK THAT. PISS OFF, JUMIN HAN. I WON’T HAVE THAT BULLSHIT. YOU DID NOT JUST TURN INTO A PET ABANDONER RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE. I HATE IT. NO. I’M OUT.
The CG was hot, though. Jumin in black on black on black? AND GLOVES?! Hell yeah. That’s a whole meal right there. Delicious.
Episode 1 (Attempt 2)
Well, time to try to get the bad end (????) now I guess. Maybe the bad end is that this game of their’s actually does break. That’s what I’m hoping for at least.
Jumin already making jokes about switching roles. Jumin, my love. I am more than happy - extremely willing & eager actually - to be in charge here.
Pretending to want all of this ‘being a possession’ nonsense is making me uncomfyyyy.
Episode 2 (Attempt 2)
“Do something Jumin wouldn’t like” Lmaooo it calls Zen. HAHAHAHAHA
I think Zen’s voice acting is some of the most expressive, in this whole game.
Ah, so then I guess turning on the computer let’s you talk to Yoosung.
Not Jumin deliberately cutting my call. The audacity.
Jumin, possessiveness can sometimes be cute. But in this case, I’m not having it. Not interested.
All the toys in the world didn’t keep Jumin entertained. BUT THIS PUSSY DOES.
Episode 3 (Attempt 2)
Flew through that one just choosing the options I didn’t choose before. Didn’t seem to glean any new information except the fact that Jumin no longer has a desire to form a family, says it entirely depends on how badly MC wants a family. Continues that narrative of, if MC wants it, he will provide it... to keep her.
Episode 4 (Attempt 2)
So we’re just going to leave gold bars in that safe?
Happy End Again????
It says I got Happy End again, even though I chose entirely different answers & went along with being Jumin’s possession...
OH WAIT, IT IS DIFFERENT!
I can’t believe my first meeting with Jumin’s mother is after he rawed me in the basement & had me put on a fantasy fairy tale princess dress to make our escape. Omfg. Ma’am, your son’s cum is still dripping out of me, please give me a few minutes to freshen up first. Goddamn.
Jumin’s mom is named Carolyn!
I can’t believe I’m in the middle of a family argument while Jumin’s cum glues my thighs together.
She ain’t sick. She’s lying. I’m calling it.
“Simple - make him soft” Jumin: “Like mashed potato?” LIKE MASHED POTATO? FIRST OF ALL, JUMIN SAYING ‘MASHED POTATO’ IS SO FUCKING CUTE I WANNA SCREAM. Secondly I meant, make him soft as in help him let down some barriers & let people in.
“I heard sons are psychologically bound to be attracted to women reminiscent of their mothers.” Ok yes, that may be true but you don’t have to remind me. Bleh. Stop.
“If my consort is to leave me one day, I will be scarred for the rest of my life.” I am sad for him. So sad.
ONE BILLION, TO BREAK UP WITH JUMIN? WOMAN, YOU ARE SOMETHING ELSE.
The “mind if I touch it” option fucking sent me. I’m laughing so hard. It is 1am. I might wake up my neighbor! I chose the “…..” option though. I’m sticking with Jumin through this. Let’s see what happens.
… I’ll loop back & choose the money if I can though to see what chaos occurs.
“This is exactly what people mean when they say, ‘So not cool.’” JUMIN. NOW IS NOT THE TIME LMFAOOOO
Jumin went back to work. All right, that’s progress. He renovated the basement on a happier note. Ok ok, small progress.
“Now I wish to paint this entire place with our love.” TIME TO CHRISTEN EVERY ROOM WITH SEEEEX
THAT CG!!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!! WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!
Looping back to choose more options for this episode...
CALLED JUMIN’S MOM AN OLD HAG & JUMIN LIKED WHEN I DID THAT LMAOOOO. I would like to call her a lot of things.
Final thoughts:
Long story short (too late), this DLC reenforces that this is a Bad Ending path, in which you won’t find a fix for Jumin, won’t find a way to get him back on track to his true good end. And that’s ok! This is a bad end after all! Though both endings are listed as “good” or “happy” endings, they’re still set in this twisted relationship, this weak form of love, Jumin believes is real. He calls it a game, says a therapist is on standby, says MC can leave any time she wants, yet when she chooses options that distances herself, suggests Jumin pay more attention to something other than her, or shows she’d like more freedom, he immediately blocks that path in some way. Even when choosing all the options that don’t give in to the plaything/being controlled role, the conclusion is Jumin reenforcing his control harder - you both escape together to be alone, neglecting everyone & everything in your life, & Jumin insists all he has to do is take care of you in various ways - to give you everything - to keep you with him. Even following the confrontation with Jumin’s mother & turning down the option to leave Jumin for money, it shows how far Jumin will go to keep MC. He truly believes he has to provide everything (money, security, possessions, etc.) in exchange for her love, her company, her willingness to be with him. This man has slowly been broken over & over again over the course of his life & he’s finally given in to these poor teachings & selfish encouragements, & has convinced himself what he’s found is full love where he provides anything & everything to keep MC’s interest in him. A clear give & take relationship. A contract. A game. And he’s not about to let that go.
Personally, while this path isn’t my favorite for Jumin, I was still absolutely impressed with the two different ways they had this particular Bad End play out. An emotional read from start to finish & back again.
#I flew through that so quick whew#Jumin Han#mm#mysme#mystic messenger#Jumin Han Bad End 2#Bad End 2#DLC#Bad End 2 DLC#spoilers#spoiler#mysme spoiler#mysme spoilers#After End#Jumin Han DLC#Route Notes#text post#long post#Meowle Mumbles
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✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍
Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D
Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////
This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here.
✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇
I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.
So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.
Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle).
And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao
✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘
As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo
And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.
Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.
But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?
Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.
Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well
✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)
Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???
So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).
Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.
On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.
But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.
✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍
AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.
I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!
#hxh#hunter x hunter#hxh edit#hxh fanart#gon#killua#hisoka#kurapika#gon freecss#killua zoldyck#chrollo#chrollo lucilfer#kurapika kurta#hisoka morow#chimera ant arc#chimera ants#yorknew#yorknew city#shaiapouf#pouf#neferpitou#pitou#meruem#komugi#youpi#hxh analysis#hxh meta#hunter x hunter fanart#hxh graphics#my art
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2x13: Houses of the Holy
Providence, Rhode Island
A woman sits in the dark, smoking cigarettes, and watching TV.
The lights start to flicker and the television flickers back to an evangelical preaching. Her house starts shaking and her angel statues start falling. There’s suddenly a bright light and the woman watches it in awe.
Sam Winchester, decked out in white scrubs, greets his patient, Gloria. Sam wants to talk to her about what she saw that night. Gloria tells him that she stabbed a man in the heart “because it was God’s will.” Sam wants to know if God talked to her (too busy fucking with your life, Sam) but she says no and that an angel came to her. The angel told her that the man she stabbed was guilty. She needed no other proof to do it.
Sam later finds Dean enjoying some music and magic fingers.
Dean’s on lockdown because he robbed a bank in Milwaukee. They discuss the case. It really seems that Gloria is just a religious nutjob. And Sam would agree if she wasn’t the second person in town to have murdered someone because an angel told them to. “Supernatural maybe. But angels? I don't think so,” Dean insists. BLESS.
They then have a very fun conversation about how unicorns don’t exist (And Truly, BLESS Andrew Dabb. This dude took this one off joke and made it reality.) In any event, Dean firmly doesn’t believe in angels. (In a far off voice I hear: This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.)
Once they stop arguing about angels, they decide to check out the victim, Carl’s place. They head to the basement to see what secrets he had hidden.
Sam finds scratch marks on the wall. On a closer inspection, he also finds a fingernail. They start digging up the dirt floor and find a skeleton.
In a lonely apartment, a man lays on his bed, drinking himself to oblivion. His lights start flickering and the room starts shaking. Suddenly there’s a bright light.
Cut to the man, Zach, walking to another house and stabbing a dude right in the gut.
Dean’s listening to the police scanner when Sam walks back to the motel room with food. He also has news that three people disappeared from the library where Carl worked. Dean has other news --the not-angel struck again.
They head out to the victim’s house and sneak inside. Sam hacks into the dude’s computer and Dean browses his catalog collection. Sam finds locked emails that turn out to be to an underage girl.
Dean is baffled by this spirit or demon they’re dealing with. Sam points out it’s like an avenging angel. Oh, Sam, if you only knew angels are dicks. Dean connects the two victims --they both go to the same church.
They meet with the priest posing as new parishioners. They discuss this whole angel crap but the priest is a believer (obv.) and talks openly with Sam about what angels are thought to be like. They look at a painting of Michael, the archangel, while the priest describes his belief that they’re “more loving, than wrathful.”
As they’re leaving, Dean notices a memorial on the steps of the church. It’s for Father Gregory, who was shot there two months prior in a carjacking. Dean thinks they’re dealing with a vengeful spirit, but Sam still humors the angel aspect of it all. Dean knows that Sam prays everyday (and I sit weeping in the corner, thinking of Purgatory.)
An angel statue begins to quake. Sam looks at it with curiosity, only to be overtaken by awe as bright light suffuses the room. He passes out.
“I saw an angel,” Sam gasps to his brother later. He reports that the angel spoke to him and told him to kill a man. The kicker is, the doomed guy on Sam’s hit list hasn’t actually committed any crime...yet. Dean’s unimpressed by Sam “Minority Report” Winchester’s insistence that he’s been chosen by the angels and God for this mission. I give Dean a high five, then methodically throw rocks through every single one of my windows as I think about the next thirteen seasons.
Their mom used to tell them every night that angels were watching over them. “She was wrong,” Dean says bitterly, “There’s no higher power. There’s no God. There’s just chaos. Violence. Random unpredictable evil that comes outta nowhere. Rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I’m gonna need to see some hard proof.” (I gallantly resist making a dirty joke about Castiel’s “hard proof.”)
Ahem. Anyway, Dean’s solid on the ghost theory. At the priest’s crypt they find wormwood growing - it’s a sign of a restless spirit. LOLLLL early seasons. Sam agrees to hold a seance.
They head out of a corner grocery a little while later, stocked with SpongeBob mats and candles for the seance, when Sam sees THE SIGN. Light glows around his mark - the guy he’s supposed to kill. While Ace of Base plays in my head, Sam makes a move to kill - er, stop - the ghost-tagged perp. Looking to forestall Sam’s murder-to-be, Dean tells Sam to run the seance and tails Sam’s suspect on his own. Dean watches the guy pick up a date, and then they’re off again.
Meanwhile, Sam’s obediently running the seance.
The priest appears in the crypt, horrified to see what looks like THE VERY DEVIL WORSHIP taking place. “I can explain,” Sam says before utterly failing to explain anything. And then light fills the room. The priest wonders if it’s an angel, but Sam sorrowfully notes that it’s only Father Gregory’s ghost.
The glowing angelic vision suddenly distills into a normal human figure. Father Gregory wonders why Sam isn’t killing his marked man. After all, he’s an angel and he commanded it! Sam glumly explains that NO, Father Gregory is just a normal ectoplasm-slinging ghost.
Dean loses the trail of the marked man, while Father Gregory explains that his kill orders are redemption for the killers and every one of his marks is guilty. “This is vengeance. This is wrong,” the older priest declares and I look VERY HARD at the rest of the show.
Meanwhile, the guy Dean was tailing parks his car in an abandoned alley and attempts to attack his date. JAB HIM IN THE EYEBALLS, LADY! Dean bashes his head in just in time and saves the date. The guy drives off and Dean follows quickly on his tail.
The old priest offers last rites to Father Gregory, who begins to flicker.
Sam watches in full puppy eyed mode as Father Gregory disappears, presumably to high five ghosts in Heaven.
Dean chases the Bad Guy through the streets until a truck pulls out in front of Bad Guy’s car. A metal pole bounces off the truck, pierces the windshield, and impales the guy right in the chest.
Later, Sam morosely packs his bag back at the motel.
For What the Fuck is this Motel Room Design Science:
Sam’s sad that there wasn’t an angel watching out for people on Earth. Dean pulls out his flask, takes a big swig, and promises to watch out for Sam. “You’re just one person,” Sam tells him. He’d hoped there was a higher power guiding their lives. One who’d grant Sam salvation.
“Knocking on Heaven’s Door” starts to play, while Dean confesses his current emotional state. He proposes that the insane way the Bad Guy died MIGHT have been God’s will. I kick Chuck right in the nuts.
Quakin’ Quotes:
Aw, dammit! That was my last quarter. Hey! You got any quarters?
There's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows out of their ass
You’ve got faith. I’m sure it makes things easier
One of the perks of the job. We don’t need to operate on faith
Men cannot be angels
There’s so much evil in the world, Dean. I feel like I could drown in it.
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When the Party’s Over - Spencer
WHY IS THIS THE LONGEST THING IVE WRITTEN???? probably bc drunk me is wordy. i do talk a lot when i’m drunk and it gets on people’s nerves. i just really love you guys. i was sad when i wrote this, really sad, and it’s the first “smut”???? ive ever written. so here we go frens and ferns.
warnings: uuuhhhh smut???
________________
When the night started, you were at Rossi’s house, getting drunk with the team. It was right after a hard case, difficult on everyone’s psyche so Rossi invited everyone over to relax in the usual way. After pasta and drinks, most of the team was still there while Spencer offered to drive you home since you were not in the shape to drive and he was the only one who opted for water instead of alcohol. He was beat but he wasn’t in the mood to drink tonight.
Spencer was being a good friend but he had his motives. He wanted to talk to you in the car. You weren’t so drunk that you wouldn’t remember the conversation but your inhibitions were lowered enough to be truly and completely honest with him so you were the slightest bit tipsy but not drunk. You were 100% lucid and could think for yourself but you took the excuse to drink some of the smirnoff you brought and keep going.
He wasn’t planning for it to happen like this but you were being very outspoken to everyone at the party so he figured it was time to get you home before you were out of a job after calling Hotch, “Hotchner the Grouch.” They found it funny but Spencer knew that you could go wrong easily.
“Spencer Reid.” You said, staring at him. “I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be as honest as I’m being right now.”
“Okay. I promise to be honest.” Spencer said, a little nervous. He chuckled anyway because you were so adamant that he answered honestly.
“Do you like me?” You asked, suddenly very serious.
“Y/n, you’re my best friend. Of course I like you.” Spencer tried to give you an answer that wouldn’t expose his real thoughts.
For the past few months, Spencer thought about you a lot. It caused him to avoid you a little bit but you wouldn’t let him stray too far away from you. You kept texting him outside of the team group chat. You continued inviting him over for dinner. You never relented on checking in with his mental health. You never gave up on your relationship with him.
You were so focused on his jawline that your hand worked by itself, poking his face. He smiled and made the turn into your apartment complex’s parking lot and parked.
“While I appreciate the validation of our friendship, that’s not what I mean and you know it.” You said, very serious.
Spencer looked over at you, nervous to answer. He swallowed and took a shaky breath.
“Y/n, is it really important?” Spencer tried to avoid the conversation.
He opened the door and got out, walking quickly around to your side of the car to open the door. He didn’t have to but he wanted to. It’s always what he did.
“Yes, it’s important, Spencer. I want to know.” You bumped shoulders with him as the two of you walked to your apartment on the third floor.
Spencer sighed.
“Yes, I like you. A lot…” You and Spencer arrived at your door, handing you your keys.
You just stood there, staring up at Spencer. You reached up to touch his hair. It was so soft… You wrapped your fingers around one of the curls and smiled. Spencer stood there, nose ghosting over yours.
“Do you want to come in?” It was barely audible but it was there.
“I shouldn’t. You’re not sober. Unless you just want to hang out.” He said, looking at his wing tip shoes.
“Spencer, get in here. I have literally been waiting almost a whole year for you to say that.” You pulled him to you by his tie and kissed him.
*****
It was tentative at first. It tasted like spearmint gum. Spencer wasn’t chewing any at the moment so you guessed that he had been chewing it earlier. You liked that. It was refreshing. Slowly, Spencer got more comfortable with the kiss and relaxed and got more involved. It was sweet and gentle and soft. You felt his hands in your hair and felt the gentle pull and you released an involuntary moan. You could feel Spencer smile, the two of you momentarily breaking apart.
Breaking apart left you speechless and in a daze. It was almost like you were in a fog but your head was clear. You were more than ready to do what you had been thinking about with Spencer for the past year. Some part of you needed this release while the other part of you needed him.
“So inside?” You said. “The apartment, I mean.”
“Yeah.” Spencer said, just as dazed.
Getting in the door was a task by itself. You and Spencer tried to go in at the same time and it was quite awkward but he let you go in first.
You closed the door behind you, pressing your back to the cold surface. Scanning Spencer’s face, you saw that he was staring at your lips.
“Do you want to continue here or should we...” He asked, looking back up at your eyes.
“You tell me. I’ll let you take control tonight.” You said, smirking.
Spencer clenched and unclenched his jaw nervously before licking his lips. You always liked when he did that. He wore chapstick but he never did it for anything other than a sign that he was thinking.
“I haven’t been in your apartment before.” He said, gingerly. He smiled as you took his hand, guiding him to your bedroom.
You grabbed your cat off the bed, putting it outside the bedroom and shooing it away. The cat sauntered around to find somewhere else to sleep.
“Are we really about to do this?” Spencer asked, looking at you on the bed.
Laying back on the bed, half of you held up by your elbows, you marveled at Spencer. The light from your hallway illuminated his silhouette very nicely. You could see the curves of his arms and his slender frame very clearly.
“Do you want to do it?” You said, tilting your head a little bit.
“Yeah, a lot.” Spencer said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.
He had dreamed about this moment, literally, but he didn’t know he would be so nervous. He didn’t think it would ever happen. He never imagined you’d be laying in front of him like this.
“Then drop the pants and I’ll drop to my knees,” You smirked.
“Do you mind if we skip that part?” Spencer said not really in the mood for a blow job.
It wasn’t that he was opposed to it, it’s just that he didn’t want to think of you like that yet. He felt like those experiences were for days where there wasn’t much time. Tonight, you had all the time in the world.
“You’re telling me you don't want my mouth on your dick?” You said, confused.
You stood up, getting close to Spencer. You started unbuckling his belt and he audibly swallowed. He was nervous, not because of you but because he wanted this to go right. There was pressure when it came to something so intimate for the first time with someone. He felt your hands on his hips once you got his belt undone.
“Shoes on or off?” He asked.
“I’m taking my shoes off, obviously.” You said, already flipping them off. “Oh, you mean you. Well depends on what you want to do. You can bend me over the side of the bed, fuck me from behind, and call it a night. Or, if you want to draw it out, you can climb on top of me and fuck me in the bed. Oh, there’s also shower sex if you feel gross. Wouldn’t recommend it because it’s slippery and counterproductive to me getting wet.” You were rambling off some of the many fantasies and logistics that you’d thought about over the past year. You had thought about it a lot.
Spencer kissed you. He just wanted you to take a breath because the more you talked about what you thought about, the more he thought about it. And the more he thought about all the ways he wanted to make love to you, the more he just wanted to get started.
“Spencer, please pick somewhere because I’m literally struggling to keep it together.” You said in a low tone.
“Clothes off, on the bed, legs open. I’ve got you tonight, baby.” Spencer said with a little more confidence.
“Yes, sir.” You said, getting undressed.
Spencer watched you but at the same time, he got dressed down to his boxers. Staring at you, he wondered how you were able to stay so calm on the outside right now. He didn’t usually have the sex drive as high as this moment. His body was on fire with desire and excitement but he was trying so hard to contain it.
You laid down in the bed, just like Spencer told you to. He flipped on the light and you protested lightly with a groan and covered your face with both hands.
“I want to watch you come all over me and lose complete control of your body. I can’t do that in the dark.” He said, walking over to the bed.
“Well damn. Look at you, Spence. Actually showing some confidence. About damn time.” You said, smiling. You loved confident Spencer in all aspects of life, not just here. There was something about him that made you...want to be laid out in front of him, completely naked like you were now.
“I honestly don’t know where I want to start…” Spencer said. Climbing onto the bed, he did the first thing that came to mind.
“What’s your line?” He said, kissing your inner thigh, right above your knee.
“Fuck, uh…” You never really thought of it in relation to Spencer. “Just don’t kill me.” You nervously chuckled.
More thigh kisses. You wanted to grab your phone and put on some background music but it was just out of reach and Spencer’s arms looped through your legs and pinned your waist down to the bed. His grip was pretty firm.
“Spence, can we…” A deep moan cut you off and slipped out your mouth when you felt his mouth finally where you wanted him.
“Hmm?” Spencer looked up at you while his mouth went to work. The vibrations sent shockwaves up your body.
“Holy shit. More.” You said. More was what he gave you, slipping in two fingers that matched the tempo that his mouth set.
You were almost there, Spencer’s hair firmly in your hand and his name tumbling from your lips like a prayer, when Spencer slowed down and all together stopped.
“I swear to god the room better be of fire.” You said, gritting your teeth. You were so, so close and he was being a tease.
“You’re being a brat, baby. I promise I’ll give you exactly what you’re looking for.” Spencer said, looking for a towel.
“Don’t be a wuss. Kiss me.” You said, drawing his attention away from his towel search. He was nervous that you wouldn’t want to kiss him after he just went down on you. Crawling on top of you, he just stared at your features before you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to you.
You hated breaking apart from kissing him, you really did. It left you in a daze, making the light seem a little too bright for your eyes. He rushed over to his satchel, digging in its contents to find the condom Morgan gave him for emergency purposes as a joke one day. Who knew it would come in handy.
“Are you ready?” You asked Spencer. He chuckled.
“I was just about to ask if you were ready.” Spencer went back to being a little awkward. He was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with you.
“Spencer are you sure you don’t want me to help you out?” You asked, watching him shift as he got rid of his underwear.
“I think I’m okay.” He said, blushing.
“Okay well let me know if… Spencer, what the fuck?” You asked, looking down, between the two of you. “And you expect me to take all of that?”
“Is it bad? I know I’m not like other guys but…” Spencer grew a little shy.
“No, just work your magic because you’re different than most guys. Spence, just be confident because you are very special.” You said, hoping it helped him come back out of his shell.
“Breathe, okay? It might be a little… Much.” Spencer said, lining himself up with you.
“I’m fi…” You were cut off as he gently pushed into you. “Holy shit!” Was all you could breathe out while you tried to catch your breath. Much was an understatement with what you felt from Spencer just barely being inside of you.
He paused to let you adjust but it was tough. You could feel yourself stretching when he started moving a little more to help you relax. He took your leg and hitched it around his waist, making you gasp in shock. That was a completely new sensation that sped up your heart rate even faster, your head getting slightly dizzy.
“Stay with me, darling, okay?” He whispered in your ear.
If you weren’t all in with Spencer before, your feelings were definitely there now.
The pace he set was slow and gentle, soft and delicate like he didn’t want to break you. It was just like you imagined it. Your hands intertwined with Spencer’s as he treated you so kindly. You felt pressure just below your stomach and it was like you couldn’t do anything but shut your eyes and let your body feel it.
“Just keep breathing, okay? It makes it last longer.” Spencer said, trying to stay focused. His brain was going through the female anatomy but he wanted to stay focused. He opened his eyes as he continued pushing himself in and out of you. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable, taking his right hand and moving his thumb over your cheek. You looked so soft under him.
“Faster.” You whimpered, the only thing you could manage.
Everything felt nice, it felt comfortable. You were comfortable with Spencer. You thought it would be hotter, more dramatic when you would imagine it. You imagined him grabbing your hips and plunging himself into you until your body was exhausted and used. But that’s not how it worked.
“Are you okay?” Spencer asked, quietly. He was going faster and a bit harder, making it very hard for you to concentrate.
“I’m…” You couldn’t think of the answer. You couldn’t think at all right then.
“You’re doing such a good job, love. Just relax, I’ve got you.” Spencer kissed you on the forehead before shifting your leg a bit higher on his hip. That ignited something inside of you that was hard to turn off.
Your body was on pins and needles. You felt your body shaking as you held onto Spencer’s hand. He kissed you, soft and slightly frenzied. He was chasing his own release so quickly. Everything moved so smoothly between the two of you.
Spencer’s body rolled into yours like the ocean, and you were the beach. His waves rushed into your shore over and over, filling you with pleasure you couldn’t find on your own. He was kissing your neck, marking you with sweet mumbles of, “I’m all yours.”
“Spence…” Another instance of being unable to think or speak clearly.
“I know, I know. And I want you to let it go for me. Be good for me and let go, y/n. I’m right here.” He said, kissing you deeply.
Spencer pushed into you a little sloppier, trying to stay composed but it was a challenge. He wanted to make sure you rode out your high, which you were definitely doing. Your body was shaking and you were out of it a little bit as you came down. Spencer finished in the condom and kissed you so many times that you lost count. Your cheeks, your neck, your lips, forehead, nose, lips again.
“Spencer, that was… That was nice.” You said, opening your eyes. He was smiling over you, shaking a little bit. You weren’t sure if his arms were tired or if he felt like you did. You hoped to god that he felt like you did. It worked out so well up to this point.
He rolled off of you, standing up to get that towel to clean you up. He saw the bathroom door cracked open so he slipped the condom off and put his star trek underwear back on as he went into the bathroom and warmed up a small towel and grabbed a big towel.
“I got aftercare towels.” He said, walking back into the room.
You had curled up into yourself, laying down on your side, as you fell asleep slowly. You heard him come back into the room and smiled as he cleaned you up and helped you put a t-shirt on. Putting the towels in your wastebasket, he flipped the overhead light off and came back around to the opposite side of the bed and gently nudged you to let him hold you.
“How do you feel?” Spencer asked, nuzzling his head into the crook between your shoulder and your neck.
He felt so warm on your back like that, holding you tight. You felt safe and secure.
“Spence, I love you.” You mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear.
“I love you too, y/n,” Spencer said, falling asleep himself.
________________
taglist:
@i-love-you-green
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did you find a point to the whole Carnivora part of the story other than 'Tannis Siren! Haha remember Angel? She's Angel!'? Because that was. Easily. The worst part of the entire main quest line. It was so boring, enemies didn't spawn in the areas that part took place in, the reason why (and the method in which) Tannis was taken was so lazy - and the bosses! All that time and effort for a Pen and Teller reference? The entire arc felt like useless filler.
Oh boy, here we go.
Carnivora alongside Balex, Genevive, Typhon DeLeon and the remains of Leda’s character, did not belong in Borderlands 3 as it was released. They belonged in a different version of the game to what we ended up with.
Yes I sound insane, but hear me out, this isn’t coming from nowhere -
There are multiple chunks of BL3 that in essence, are great ideas. Typhon would be a great idea if he had been handled right. Balex? Great fun. Ice T voicing a robot nav, yes please. CARNIVORA? Roaming fortress streaming live sacrifices in the name of the God Twins while monitoring viewer count and media reach, managed entirely by Tinks? Holy shit. Slap me up. YES.
Problem is, it has nowhere to fit in BL3. None of them do.
In fact, almost any content you saw in early trailers? Think back on where you ended up seeing it in BL3. Did it.. fit? Was it part of the same tone as the chapter before or after it? Did it make literally any sense? No, even if it WAS fun, even if it was enjoyable.. it had no actual point in BL3, and this is an issue that repeats itself over, and over, and over, and etc.
Aurelia being advertised next to Hammerlock and Winny. The Twins displayed as surrounded by rabid cultists instead of isolated images we never interact with or see in contact with their own followers. The B team being on Sanc, Carnivora used in early marketing, Ice T announcing being in BL3 earlier than anyone would have expected, there are a million little oddities in the content we were advertised and where it actually ended up ingame, if at all.
I could point out how often this happens, how many complete and utter fuck ups there were shoehorning in content that was from earlier game plot versions into the release story when it had absolutely no way to work, but lets stick with Carnivora for now. Essay under the cut. /dab
Right, so lets break down WHY Carnivora exists in BL3, shall we.
The twins kidnap Tannis by teleportation, and proceed to imply they are torturing her. (We don’t know she is a Siren at the time but they apparently do this without ever coming close enough to her to find out she’s one either, meaning they never touched her or took her jacket off. This is joke tier bullshit. This is .. this.. my god. Anyway.)
Tannis is now begging for rescue because owwie. She is being held on the twin’s roaming media fortress and going to be killed live on stream, so uh.. we better go save her quickly. This is cool! I like this. Can’t wait to see the zone it’s in! Oh. There is literally nothing. Carnivora has been placed in a completely empty, massive zone. When you see this happen in indie games, you still notice how badly handled it was. When you see this happen in a AAA title? Something has gone very wrong. This is shoe-horned in content in an unfinished area, and the more you stop and think about what even the fucking point was of it driving slowly around this vast empty space while you waste 20 minutes of your life slowing it down, you realise how much of a rush job this whole chapter was.
You enter Carnivora. It’s great. Penn is constantly talking, PENN! Penn. Brilliant. The interior is a bit weird though, it’s not nearly as busy as it should be... but it’s got a Tink orgy-zone. That’s VERY Borderlands. That’s the most Borderlands shit BL3 has shown you so far, but you can’t enjoy it because the whole time, Tannis is being tortured. She’s letting you know this by the way. She’s constantly telling you how she’s about to die. She’s helpless and we have to save her, so we move on with a sense of genuine urgency.
Penn is really pushing things like viewer count, stream stability? You might already be noticing how off that feels. This isn’t part of the game you’re playing. It was definitely part of the early pre- release marketing though, the Twins were EXTREMELY media heavy back then, however, past the HBC in the actual game release? The social media God-Hood aspect of the COV completely disintegrates, but not here. Not in Carnivora. The main characters in Carnivora act like that’s still a factor of huge importance in the game.. it’s not. And you might then start to realise you’re listening to dialogue that sounds like it’s not part of this game version... this was recorded for a different story.
We fight our way to the boss we’ve seen in trailers. It’s exciting. We were promised this and now we are going to get it. It still feels.. weird though, nothing quite matches the previous chapter. We aren’t really sure HOW Tannis got here or what the twins really did to her, but hey, surely we will find out eh? Lets kill the boss and... Oh... she’s a Siren.
Tannis is a Siren now, for some totally illogical reason that makes absolutely no sense in the context of the hours we’ve just spent in this machine. She was a Siren the whole time. She could have.. revealed this and left whenever she wanted. So what the fuck was the point? It had no effect on the story! There was no actual tangible response from outside the Raiders to Tannis revealing herself, so where was the threat and gravity for the action in the first place?
And that moment cements why Carnivora absolutely was not designed as being part of this version of BL3, it was older content from a different story, that had a famous person’s voice recordings and way too interesting a premise to waste, so they shoehorned it into Tannis’s big reveal despite that same plot moment meaning Carnivora and the entire time we spent in it had no. fucking. point.
What are we meant to believe here, that she didn’t want to show the public she was a Siren? That she risked OUR lives and let herself be tortured because of how important keeping this secret was.. but then said screw it lol and changed her mind AFTER we save her?
Apply this thought process to Balex and Genevive.
Apply this thought process to how the Twins were handled.
Apply this thought process to what we got of the B team, or how shafted poor Aurelia was, or Typhon in general, and you start seeing the same mistakes over, and over...
Great content from an earlier version of a story that wasn’t used, pushed into plot gaps it did not fit into, just so it wouldn't be wasted.
Painful.
Asks are Open!
#borderlands#borderlands 3#tannis#aurelia#lilith#hammerlock#carnivora#calypso twins#troy calypso#tyreen calypso#critique
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Space AU and Time Travel for Juke 👀 <33
Holy shit holy shit holy shit ok ok ok ok first of all AKDBJSJSJJEJE YES
Okay okay so let me try to iron out the mess in my head skxbjsjjd I hereby apologize if things get out of order or whatever but I am literally vibrating with excitement someone please write this I'll love you forever
Ok so I'm thinking also an aged up au for ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* reasons *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ sjsnnsn
Also, I've done this before and I'm gonna do it again, but Bobby and Trevor are two different people for the sake of the timeline here.
Time frame for this would be WAY into the future. Humanity has gone galactic. We also had our asses handed to us by several alien planets but we probably deserved it. Anyway, after we got rid of Elon Musk, we eventually made peace with the aliens and now roam the galaxy freely. 20-30yo generally try to get into a different fleet, just to learn about other races. Think all those alien ships adopts a human posts.
Julie, Carrie and Flynn are my three girl geniuses. They're like,,, the smartest people in every room. They've been like this since freshman year of college. Julie, Carrie and Flynn also all want to get into the student exchange program, which is exactly what you think it is. Alien races (and this now includes humanity) swaps out older students with each other so they get a feel of what the other race is like. It's fun, educational, and! You get to make super long distance pen pals!
I'd also have so much fun making up new memes???? It would be so fucking stupid tho but I love it.
Anyway, so after a few years of jumping through the exchange programme, hoping from planet to planet, unfortunately, without their bestfriends :<, the three of them qualify to board research ships!!!
So at like 23-25, my girls come back together on the same ship!! Its a massive thing and so they've hired so many interns from so many different races. It's like a landing hub for several smaller ships. They have like 10 interns per species and that's only because there are laws against having too many of one kind after they put 50 humans on a space station and the humans tried to take over. Also, humans multiply faster than the others. This terrifies some races.
Anyway, the ship's really just a bunch of college kids from different planets trying to avoid exam season by submitting research papers from their ship. They all bond over deadlines, breakups and coffee (or the alien equivalent thereof)
Flynn dated an alien girl for a while. They were cute. Flynn: as a lesbian, it's my duty to date all the women in space
This is also where they run into Willie!!! Yay, Willie!!!
Nick Danforth-Evans and Kayla Evans-McKessie are around ... somewhere ... in bunk beds like the little toddlers they wish they were, crying about the 15 page essay on why Xjsbsjdjd is a very intelligent race that we could learn a lot from (yes, that is a keysmash I'm too buzzed to be creating alien species names sjdjjdjd)
Carrie and Nick do date for a while but then Carrie hooked up with Kayla. Bisexual queen who?
Julie met Willie that time she didn't sleep for over 48 hours because she had a research paper due within a week and she hadn't started yet and it was 10 000 words on her experiences with the Psjxjjdkeiwj race. Luckily for her, the kid she bumped into and spilled an energy drink all over had the same paper and helped her finish it. Willie sometimes goes by the nickname Lifesaver, thanks to Julie. This confuses the metaphor-less people because Willie's never saved anyone's life?? So why is he a lifesaver??
ANYWAY ON TO THE TIME TRAVEL BIT
On their own, Julie, Carrie and Flynn are professional smart people who know what they're saying and are clever enough not to do things with too many risks. In the same room, however, they turn into dumb geniuses who can and possibly may blow up the entire ship. It's a good thing they have Willie, Nick and Kayla to babysit them, right? WRONG. Willie Kayla and Nick egg them on.
They decide there going to gather all the information there is on time travel and they're going to decipher it and make it work! Yay!
When they find stuff in alien languages they start calling up their alien pen pals "hello what's this word mean in this context? What, haha oh no, it's a research paper on why time travel projects were abandoned before completion. Okay, thank you!"
Before long, they have a working time machine. I mean,, they hope so. And so they enter a random date from the past and prepare to pop their heads through just to see what the world looked like approximately 200ish years ago
2020s, post covid because that exists for joke reasons later, Sunset Curve is performing live for one of their biggest audiences yet when mid-song, the floor just opens them up and swallows them whole before vanishing. The crowd things it's a stunt but Sunset Curve's managers are flipping their shit
Back on the ship, the machine starts sparking and with a soft boom and a hiss, the power in that quadrant goes out -- not before Willie's is pelted in the face with a pair of drumsticks and then a whole person.
It's a miracle the drums survived the trip, pet alone everything else.
So now these sleep deprived geniuses and co. have to hide three people and several musical artifacts, plus the smoking remains of a time machine, from their Supervising Officer, who is regrettably, a human too.
And none of them are very good at lying.
Luke and Bobby are though, and after piecing together bits and pieces from the frenzied rambling around them, Luke and Bobby save the group.
Shenanigans ensue as they try to rebuild the time machine under the watchful eye of the SO, while trying to mantainbfake credentials for the boys and trying to explain their very dated clothing. (Yes, Sunset Curve STILL rocks the 90s vibe. In the 2020s. It's their thing.)
Willex happens in the background -- and I mean that very literally. (Jukebox having a tension moment, Willex making out in the background.)
Honestly I'm not sure yet how theyd solve the problems, whether they'd send the boys back or not or what, but I do know that they will all cause a BUNCH of problems in between.
Sometimes they play music just because they still can. Sunset Curve becomes a house band for the ship. They get broadcasted to neighbouring or passing ships like "hey, losers, we have live music, SUCK IT!"
Focusing on the jukebox aspect of this whole fic, that's gonna be a fucking hilarious slow burn.
It will definitely contain the lines "Oh my god, I have a crush on Julie." "Congratulations, you're officially the last to know." "What? Even [SO's Name] knows??" "Dude. The ship's navigation crew knows." "Does ... Julie know?" "No, you're both morons."
Julie is having the exact same conversation four hallways away.
They'd talk a lot about sending the boys back home and it'd be really quiet conversations when everyone else is asleep.
Julie and Luke write music together and after a while, Julie performs a few of them too. Thanks to the concerts, they meet the other human interns that were on the other end of the ship and Carrie and Kayla form Dirty Candy.
The ship becomes known as the party bus.
A thing that will happen: Luke helps Julie write one of her history papers that she gets an A+ for and a comment about how dedicated she was to have delved so far back in the history records to get authentic insight.
Julie and Luke speak in memes but they don't speak the same memes and it drives them both up the wall.
Luke says yeet one day and Julie's soul leaves her body because she hasn't heard anyone say yeet since she was a toddler back on Earth.
Julie: odd display, but acceptable.
Luke, physically experiencing a record scratch: what the fuck did you just say
That is all I have to offer because I'm afraid of plotting further and causing angst somehow.
oh one more thing, someone gets to bang an alien and it's probably Flynn.
Oh oh oh another one more thing. Reggie says "this is just like in Star Wars" for literally anything. The band goes along with it for shits and giggles. The rest of them are very interested in this ancient tale called Star Wars. Reggie sees a picture of Flynn and her green gf and says "hey, you dated photoshopped Yoda" and Bobby just loses his shit.
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#julie and the himbos#julie and the fat ones#jatp fic idea#ask#ask meme#thanks for the ask!#trope mashup ask#long post
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supernatural made me realize a bunch of shit about myself, specifically identity and it’s part of the reasons why i think it’s an inherently queer story.
allow me to clarify. once upon a time, 6 years ago, i found supernatural. back then i was mostly in the closet, even to myself. i’d gotten to that point of “hah wouldn’t it be nice to be like guys on tv and kiss the pretty girls” but not much further than that, because in most of the movies i had watched with my parents, the personality of the guy wasn’t really explored in the way supernatural (mostly unintentionally ngl) does with its characters.
so picture a teen, finding my first tv show to watch alone, being able to think my very own comments about it and not fear any repercussions from those thoughts because hey, i’m alone in my room i can think what i like about what i’m seeing. and feeling.
and here enters dean. complicated, comes from a rough childhood, parental expectations weighing so heavy on him it’s bleeding through his smiles, has a brother he feels is his duty to protect, is stuck in a loop of denial repression depression sublimation denial repression depression sublimation den-
you get the gist. i related to that guy. and then here he goes getting bi-coded (didn’t know what that was at the time but looking back, i could sure as hell feel it) and then kissing girls on screen, despite his wavering self-confidence. little ol’ gay me was like “yoooo i relate to this character on most of his character points, do i also relate to like..... wanting to do what he does??? do i wanna kiss other girls????”. fast forward one season and i’ve already figured out i was maybe bi. literally thanks to season 1 dean.
so, having figured out this “minor” aspect of myself, i went on youtube to find some other people like me and try to see if i was right to be homophobic towards myself or not. figured out, hey uh, definitely not. so you can also add “it ended up making me try to put a stop to my internalized homophobia” on the list of things that shitpost of a show helped me with.
i went back to the show for another season, relating even more to dean, and “blah blah blah queer coded character blah blah blah gay me could feel it before i knew what it was blah blah blah happy gay stuff”. several seasons passed by before anything new came up on my “hm this show rly out here bringing out all the queer aspects of myself huh” journey, but anyways i was still slowly but surely thinking holy shit i wanna be this goddamn man i want to be dean.
then comes season 4, walzing into my questioning little heart. oof ok, this season hit ALL the right spots for me. because i could feel what was going on between cas and dean and even though everything was still blurry as fuck, the parallel between sam/ruby and dean/cas was clear as day. and i was like “oh so you’re saying there’s a love here and it’s like that tarnished love between sam and ruby and it’s forbidden so that’s why we’re not seeing it and it’s like... gay”. so it made me realize “holy shit, i wanna see more gay content, and it’s ok to want that.”
then cas became another extremely relatable character, because i just kept thinking “he doesn’t really have a gender the same way other humans do” and i shit you not, he started me questioning my own gender. because again, a relatable character that you somewhat identify with that makes you ask questions about their identity INEVITABLY makes you ask questions about yourself. queue me going on youtube yet again to understand this shit a little better. i went through a few months of thinking “maybe i’m nb”, joined a few more gay communities on the internet, started learning about lgbtq+ things, watched a few more gay shows, and basically just grew a little more into my queerness.
fasforward several seasons, a couple gap years where i stopped watching it, and you’ll get to me a year ago. i thought i was a gay woman, fairly happy in that mental space and identity. but then. the whole “i wanna be dean” thing came up a lot again. because he just kept on being more and more visibly queer coded as i kept on learning more about this shit.
lo and behold, i jumped straight into the idea i was trans. and wouldya look at dat, i was right. quarantine happened, so i had to get even more of my interactions through online platforms, and quite obviously hovered around the gayer ones, or at least the lgbtq+ sides of them. and as i kept watching the show on and off, binging the first seasons for the 4th time, i kept learning more and more about myself. and those acts of gay frenzy were always started by seeing something relatable or strange in that show and looking it up. like, legitimately every time.
i found this community on tumblr a few weeks ago because i was tired of having my own little hypotheticals in my head and not knowing if anyone agreed, and the more i’ve been here the more i’ve learned about myself. the more i’ve let go of a lot of internalized hatred. the more i’ve been really ok with myself, as a trans guy. BUT ITS NOT FINISHED YET.
because, as we all know, it is common understanding here that dean is bi. WELL, i’ve been re-binging the show with that mindset finally clear in my head, and the “haha dean relatable lol” thing came up again, except it was really a “haha dean (who is bi) super relatable lol” thing now. so i paused, yet again, to think about that a little more. AND FIGURED OUT I WASNT STRAIGHT, IM BI AS FUCK.
that happened 1 month ago. i thought i’d grown fully into my queer self, that i’d gone through enough realizations and coming outs (to friends only, god forbid i come out to my parents (unfortunately quite literally god forbid lmao) before i’m out of here) for a lifetime. but apparently not. AND IT WAS STILL BECAUSE OF SUPERNATURAL. destiel and trans!dean fics helped with my internalized transphobia and homophobia, they helped with acceptance of those parts of myself. something that helped was also seeing the fact that shipping two guys in a tv show wasn’t just “being greedy with my grubby little gay hands” and wanting to think of a character as trans wasn’t just “being delusional and ridiculous”. and reading fics wasn’t cringy, it was nice and comforting.
so to try and sum up this unhinged gay rant, what i meant by my initial statement is this.
looking back on this entire self-discovery journey that i went on, it really felt like i was in the impala with the boys, except i was on a different kind of route (just picture this giant road painted in rainbow colors with baby driving at 80mph on it, that’s what it felt like). i grew with those characters, but most importantly i grew THANKS to those characters. their story was queer enough to make me, a fairly homophobic, traditional, conservative kid into a lib trans bi dude. and not in a “i got converted by the fandoms” way. i found the fandom waaaaayyyyyyyy later. i stumbled upon the fandoms looking for answers about this gayass goddamn show that i could FEEL was like me but couldn’t verbalize yet.
their story felt like a queer self discovery story and i could already see that before i went on it myself. no other shows have ever done that for me, and i’ve watched shows that had lgbtq+ characters in them, scripted gay scenes, not just subtext but text. and they still didn’t do that for me.
so this is why this show is so meaningful to be, and incidentally so very gay. like genuinely.
#jesus christ this was long#i’m sorry for this fucking rant but needed to get it out#it’s just so gay and it made me see my own gay#and i just needed to share that#like destiel literally helped with my life but also my queer identity#anyways imma shut up now#spn#supernatural#destiel#cas#dean#deancas#bidean#lgbtq#rant#vent
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S3A-E6
Oh boy, here we go, Motel California is just full of absolute bullshit. *sigh* let’s get started then.
Read More’s are good for the environment (or so i’ve heard)
Before we start, I wanna let you guys know that I’m just not gonna comment on the Jennifer/Derek scenes. I just. I really honestly cannot do it. I don’t care. No. Also as this is well, this episode, please be advised that there will be extensive suicide mentions.
Thoughts:
I know this is random as hell, but that truck looks like mine. Oh, and look at the date, it’s only like nine years older than mine. nice.
why does it look like he’s nursing an arrow wound on his leg? Is it just me? That doesn’t look like a claw mark.
Can...can I just point out (god, i already need the tag) that....that they’re drawing a DIRECT parallel between this ARGENT HUNTER and Scott with the whole “lifting up the shirt to reveal the bite on their side’ thing? Like, it’s a perfect replica of when scott does it in the first episode. And they don’t do that with the others. Jackson’s bite was just Visible when he got out of the water and we never see Isaac, and Erica’s bites. Boyd’s was a whole sitting down thing on the Zamboni with his hoodie. They didn’t even do the same thing with Victoria ARGENT’s bite.
OH and he’s wearing the heirloom necklace from season 1.
Wait, hold up. So, he just got bitten that night, but he’s already gonna shift? What? The bite works that fast?
....he’s from MA? Why tf is he in california? Also, he’s 27 apparently, oof.
Finstock...honey...you ran out of keys when you have like 6 students behind you still.
why is Finstock paying for Allison and Lydia’s room as well? He’s just that nice, or did he honestly forget they aren’t on the track team?
Maybe it’s just the Sterek shipper in me talking, but someone wanna explain why the fuck Stiles would put Derek on the suspect list for HUMAN SACRIFICES? Let alone TWICE?
He literally just helped Derek get his pack back and has been working with them the whole time? Why???Would??He???Suspect???DEREK??? OR his sister???
I totally forgot that Scott promised Stiles he would watch Star Wars after they got back to Beacon Hills. SCOTT YOU ASSHOLE COME ON.
yeouch. You’re putting a huge damper on my Stydia brotp here Stiles. jeez.
*Movie trailer voice* He’s a hunter whose family has been torn apart by a human/werewolf war, who refuses to give up the fight against a species his clan has persecuted for centuries. He does weird detective work that makes no sense and looks like a Dark Souls ghost repeat of someone’s death. He insists on ‘staying out of things’ but then follows people around getting mad when things go wrong. Coming this summer, Chris Argent must actually learn.....to get off his ass and help.
WHY DO THEY ALL DO THE CLAW THING??? Yes, they are obviously claw marks. Why the fuck do you need to put your fingers on it?
Honestly, it makes me so sad because STiles is trying okay? Like, Boyd was pissed that Stiles acted like his friend when they never hung out, and STiles is trying to do the chill smalltalk thing, trying to point out things they have in common. He’s trying to MAKE FRIENDS and Boyd is just....uh...possessed? And still getting candy?? Huh?
Honestly, I’d do the same thing Stiles. Get that candy.
Allison, why’d you get in the shower if Lydia wasn’t back with the towels yet? How’re you planning on getting to them? You expect Lydia to come into the bathroom while you’re showering to put one there? #allydia confirmed.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I ALWAYS FORGET THIS HAPPENED. WHAT THE FUCK?
Okay, okay, look at that adaptation we got going on here.
Remember, okay, the last time Allison was harassed sexually (which, holy shit I can’t believe this has happened twice) it was by Jackson, who was possessed by Matt. So when Scott gets super fucking creepy, instead of freaking out, her FIRST instinct is to check if he’s still himself, if he’s okay. She jumps to ‘possessed’ and tries to take care of him WHILE SHE”S NAKED IN THE SHOWER AND BEING CREEPED ON.
Which, while absolutely horrendously terrifying, is also an interesting character growth. We get to see how Allison responds to the same situation, but a season later.
Really not a fan of the weird-ass focus they put on this woman’s stoma ( think that’s the word) like...are you seriously trying to make that a part of the ‘horror’ aspect of this episode? For real? what is wrong with you?
So I did the research, and actually, hotels aren’t required to tell anyone about deaths in their rooms. But they also renovate the entire room basically to clean that kind of thing up. Replacing walls and anything that can absorb liquid and even electronics. Oh, the things I google for this research. *sigh*
So, she says “since opening.” So...why does it even matter that an Argent was here? ALSO...why does the wolfsbane whistle matter? Clearly the whistle wasn’t the cause of the last howevermany (apparently 40) years of deaths, so why would it be the cause of these ones??
They gave like fifty different answers to the question of why the wolves (and only the wolves) tried to kill themselves and none of them make sense?
Hey, so...what the fuck even is this possession thing going on? What is it actually doing to these wolves? Why are they getting affected at different times? or did they all get affected at the same time, and the scene with Ethan and Danny is supposed to have been happening at the same time as the bit with Scott and Stiles?
Is it supposed to like, make them more impulsive, or just drive them to do what they want to do? Boyd wants some candy, and he will get some candy. Isaac wants to watch tv so he just sits there and clicks through static endlessly. Scott wants to......fuck Allison?
Honestly? Good dad moment here. Chris. Good Dad Moment. I just, feel so bad for Allison. That when it comes down to it, she will always end up lying to her family to save Scott’s ass. Either when they’re dating and her dad wants to kill him for it, or when Scott shows up in her bathroom and grabs her and she can’t possibly tell her dad about it without Scott getting shot.
WHY do they treat that moment like it’s a big shocker that Allison was there? She TOLD her dad she would be going to help them. This shouldn’t be a surprise to him???
....wait how was allison on the phone with her dad, fully dressed and outside, but now she’s in her bra and drying her hair in the bathroom? TIMELINES. TW doesn’t HAVE them.
OKay, so Lydia says it’s only been 40 years, which would mean that the motel was only 6 years old when Alexander Argent died in it. Plus...Lydia literally says that approx. 4 deaths a year is a reasonable number? So...either this place has a lot of suicides, or it doesn’t. WHich one?
Also, just because you have the warning at the beginning of the episode doesn’t mean you need to go into such callous detail about the different kinds of suicides that took place. God, that’s so tasteless.
As horrific as this moment is, I feel like I should point out that the behavior/conversation that Lydia hears...it’s nothing like what happened with the wolves. They’re talking about it, clearly nervous. But the wolves are stoic and silent. What?
WHAT IS THIS PLOTLINE? IS THE MOTEL causing these suicides somehow, or are the werewolves poisoned by wolfsbane?? THESE ARE TWO DIFFERENT PLOTS. WHICH ONE IS IT?
god, I just..I can’t not point out the contrast here! Lydia is saying she heard two people die in a room across the hall, and after leading Allison there they find an empty room going through renovation. All she has to say is “they were here” and Allison believes her. No hesitation.
Stiles’ childhood best friend literally shows up dead and Scott refused to believe a word he said about human sacrifice until Deaton confirmed it.
Yet Lydia and Allison have known each other less than a year, and Scott and Stiles are supposed to have been friends for ages.
I just...I hate fisheye lenses. they don’t give me any horror vibes at all, they just look stupid. Personal preference.
Boyd, honey, those things are supposed to have bags in them so they can be reused.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS SCENE? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY WOULD THEY EVER BRING THIS UP JUST TO KILL BOYD OFF LATER? WHY?
Lydia is actually very correct, remember what I said about the renovating?
God, this episode has so much...just horrible shit. I’m gonna fucking ignore it for my own sanity and just focus on how wolfy it is that Isaac wouldn’t want to sleep under the covers at a hotel because it would probably smell. Plus, bare feets. Also, why’d he go to bed so early? Did Boyd go get the ice for him, since he’s sweating so much?
I love that they are roommates.
Okay, I don’t understand. Three more suicides are about to happen. Boyd, Ethan, and I guesss...Scott? So what the fuck was up with Isaac? I just...they’re supposed to like. give into their their worst thoughts or something? Boyd’s guilt about his sister. Ethan’s....something. Scott’s...uh...self-hatred? Or, I think it’s more his lack of self-confidence? He doesn’t hate himself, he just doesn’t think he can keep going. And Isaac’s ingrained guilt of doing the wrong thing? His fear of being useless...I guess?
So is it supposed to make them suicidal and Isaac’s a weird case, or does it only do that sometimes, and the rest of the time it just leaves you paralyzed with fear?
This makes literally no sense.
Where has Stiles been this entire time?
Uh...that’s not how Alphas work? Just because Derek died, it wouldn’t make Scott an Alpha. Scott didn’t kill him. Even if Derek Was dead, it would’ve been from impact or from the wounds Ennis gave him. In no universe would Scott become an alpha. If it was the impact, Cora would become Alpha, as the next blood relation. If it was Ennis, the Hale Alpha spark would be gone/soaked up by Ennis.
Okay...so, Stiles was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, and he didn’t hear Scott talking to the phone?
*snort* Stiles has a Nokia phone. How much do you wanna bet his dad bought that for him after the Pool Scene because he was trying to make sure Stiles didn’t break another phone?
Did...did Stiles just leave the room with the toothbrush in his mouth?
Okay, I get that this is a teen drama...but why does it have to be so obsessed with 16 and 17 year olds having sex? Seriously? It’s not the common occurrence people think it is? Now, if these were college age people...or, hell, even then it wouldn’t be this fucking common. Seriously. I don’t want eye-candy from someone who’s supposed to be 17 at MOST. Teenagers watching this might like the eye candy, but when I watched this at 17 I STILL was sick of the sexy scenes. Knock it off.
Also. Ethan IS STILL A FUCKING MURDERER.
.....uh....Ethan...do you not understand human anatomy? Giving Danny the bite wouldn’t remove the metal bars in his chest. It might heal the cartilage or whatever, but it wouldn’t REmove the BARS. Oh see that’s just creepy.
Wait. OKay, are you telling me that Ethan’s thing that he wants, with this possession thing, is to bite Danny?
AND HOW DOES DANNY NOT RESPOND TO THAT? HE’s supposed to know about werewolves, which means he HAS to be getting what Ethan’s going for. WTF?
...what the FUCk kind of voldemort “love and monsters” kinda bullshit was that? What does that have to do with Ethan’s deepest fear/insecurity?
I am...so confused. FIrst off, I love having Allison, Lydia, and Stiles all chillin’ trying to figure things out. THat’s amazing.
But how do they know something’s up with Isaac?
Also, it contradicts what I was theorizing before when Allison says the last time she saw Scott like that it was a full moon. Now I’m even more creeped out? WHy would they have her fully believe that it’s Scott, and just...let him be a fucking creep? Why would they openly admit that he’s been that terrifying with her before and then just...be chill about it?
Also, when did she actually see Scott act like that? When he did it on his second moon Allison never saw him bc Derek tackled him into the woods. When did Scott go all creeper on her? Is this a REgular OCCUrREncE?
I know it was wasn’t intentional, but it’s such an adhd mood for Stiles to see the paper sticking out of the bible and just snatch at it. most people would call that ‘attention to detail’ but like...I just see it as ‘wtf is this, gotta know gotta know” mooood.
Why does Stiles go running to the next room like it’s an emergency, and what is the relevance of these articles in the bibles? LIke, yeah, you knew there were a ton of suicides. How does this help??
God, it’s like they were trying to make it a mini-horror film, but they just suck at understanding what the right order is to put things. FInding those articles should’ve been something that happened at the beginningin order to create a sense of unease, not in the middle of figuring things out!
how exactly did Stiles get the damn door open if it was locked?
For that matter, how did Ethan know the handsaw was there? Was he on his way to talk to Lydia and Allison, or was he heading for Scott and Stiles’ room to get help? WHat’s going on???
Thank you Allison for not just Standing There. And Lydia for having a BRAIN. <3
HOW DID STILES HOLD BACK ETHAN? Ethan IS AN ALPHA? HOW?
OKay. I know I said I wouldn’t comment on these scenes with Jennifer, but this is just a general observation. DEREK. YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE. YOU ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF CALLING PEOPLE FROM THE BED.
What...what does that mean Ethan? “You probably shouldn’t have.” WHat?
I know it’s supposed to be for the Allison/Scott angle, but I just love Lydia and Stiles heading to save the pack. *sigh*
I gotta say, I actually really respect Stiles for straight up telling Lydia about the parallels he’s seeing. Rather than hide it from her, he’s trying to get to the root of the problem, point blank and he’s being honest with her about his worries that she might be involved without even knowing it. And she listens and doesn’t get immediately defensive. This communication is SO GOOD. Stydia BROTP.
I’m fucking on the verge of tears. Sinqua, your acting is just...like, you barely speak in this scene and yet your face is just??So pained?
Bare feets. I know I point it out a lot, but like, compared to kali, who keeps her claws out all the time even in like a fucking hospital. It’s so cute to see Boyd and Isaac wandering barefoot in their hotel room. Just, the level of calm it implies, despite the situation. They feel so safe with each other.
ALSO did Boyd go through all of that while Isaac was under the bed?
WAIT WHAT? WHy is Lydia suddenly all pissed off? WHAT? That makes no sense! But then when she says his name, she doesn’t sound upset at all?? WHAT?
ALSO, I thought this was supposed to be about suicides? Why did they add this totally random (and horrific) thing? It has nothing to do with BoYD! JUST BECAUSE YOU PUT A TRIGGER WARNING DOESN”T MEAN YOU NEED TO MUSH AS MUCH FUCKED UP SHIT AS POSSIBLE INTO ONE EPISODE. GOD.
It’s like those people who assume just because they’re allowed to do R rated shit, they have to have random sex scenes in their tv show.
where did Scott get gasoline? Like...where?
God fucking damn it, how fucking demonizing can you get, fucking juxtapositioning Scott’s suicidal monologue about Derek suffering and being dead, then jumping to Derek fucking someone instead of telling anyone he’s alive? What the fuck is wrong with these people?
Why is it literally ANY TIME Stiles or Derek are in some way happy (NOT that I’m considering Derek at that moment in time Happy or in any way okay) they always make it out to be the most horrible thing ever?
It’s like I said before, Stiles smiling on the field because he actually gets to play lacrosse? Jackson’s about to die. Stiles happy because he’s going to play a game in class? His best friend is missing. Derek....I’m not even going to give what’s going on a name. But then they just layer that over Scott...what even is he doing? Everyone else actually tried to kill themselves. Why is he just...standing there?
Are they seriously trying to make the claim that his strength of will is so strong he’s the only one could can hold out against the...whatever the fuck is causing this? Jesus fucking christ do you have to turn him into Jesus every time? SERIOUSLY?
YOU DIDN”T THOUGH. SCOTT YOU LITERALLY REFUSED TO FIGHT BACK. YOU PLANNED A RENDEVOUS WITH DEUCALION BEHIND EVERYONE’S BACK BECAUSE YOU INSISTED FIGHTING BACK WAS WRONG. YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD IF DEREK AND THE OTHERS HADN”T COME TO FIND YOU.
...I get that this is supposed to be an emotional moment, but why the fuck does Scott’s monologue about how much he sucks have to drag Stiles down with him? Stiles was literally always good at lacrosse. He never got ‘better’ before being put on the field. You saying that the both of you were ‘nothing’ is a terrible, horrible thing to say because you’re implying that because Stiles didn’t get the bite like you did, the only thing that makes him more than nothing is being your friend.
How does Scott manage to be a total asshole even when he’s in the middle of explaining why he wants to die?
AGAIN WITH THE RANDOM PLOTLINES. DAVIS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? IS THE HOTEL HAUNTED, OR IS THE WHISTLE FULL OF WOLFSBANE OR IS THE DARACH ACTIVELY MAKING THEM KILL THEMSELVES? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
ANd why would the Darach be making them kill themselves?? THey don’t match any of her sacrifice requirements! This makes no sense with the plotline you follow for the rest of the season!
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SCENE? Scott was NOWHERE NEAR Ethan? WHY THE FUCK DID HE GIVE SCOTT THE CREDIT FOR SAVING HIS LIFE? And why would he thank him for it, when he told Stiles he shouldn’t have been saved? WHAT IS GOING ON?
Also, why does Ethan have like, a bruise thing on his cheek? Is that...is that a skin thing, or like, a show thing?
This doesn’t solve the problem of Allison’s car being stuck with an empty tank at the side of the road halfway to Beacon Hills.
dude. you realize that was literally 34 years ago? Deucalion would have to be like 50. and even then he would’ve been a fucking 16 year old Alpha. So that makes Deucalion more likely in his 60s.
Also, why the fuck do you care Chris? This is such a random fucking thing. It makes no sense. What the fuck does it matter now?
Last Thoughts: What the fuck even is this episode? It’s like this steaming dumpster fire of half-assed ideas and loose ends to plots we’ll never see and really shitty horror movie vibes. We’re talking D List or maybe E list horror movies. I’m honestly disgusted? I can’t remember the last time I had to watch something so tasteless and cruel and insensitive in every single way?
.....on to the next episode, I guess. God, I need to change all of this in the rewrite, and I don’t know if I can actually make it good?
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I have a silly Napoleon ask for you: if he suddenly woke up in the present day what do you think he would a)like most about it b) like least about it c)get unreasonably addicted to d)decide to do for a living
hahah I’ve answered a similar one before here and here.
Most Like About It: A lot, I think. Central heating. Guys, he’d fucking love central heating.
In general, he’d love most technological advances. Cars, planes, trains etc. like he’d be very into that. “Bertrand we’re going to ride the TGV all day every day. Look at how fast we are going! This is genius.”
“Bertrand WE ARE IN THE SKY. This is AMAZING. We are going from Paris to Rome in a matter of HOURS. HOURS BERTRAND. WE DON’T HAVE TO CROSS MOUNTAINS.” (sorry just assuming this is exile Napoleon who woke up in modern day.)
Public transit in general - the metro, buses - anything that makes life more efficient for people. Dishwasher, washers/dryers, modern electricity, laptops, printers, ball point pens etc.
I suspect he’d be a big supporter of public health care and all the advances made on vaccines and medicine in general. 100% would hate anti-vaxxers. Pro-modern glasses (he’d get himself a pair asap. Then they’d explain contacts to him and I think he’d be like “WAIT NO, I WANT THOSE.” He would not be into lasik, I suspect).
Modern hygiene! Razors, tooth brushes, floss, moisturizer - general daily body care he’d probably be keen on. (All that stuff we take for granted.) Though maybe not all of it, he was quite traditional in certain things (his penchant for older fashion, par exemple). Maybe he’d keep the old straight razor shaving approach. But modern dentistry would be a huge improvement and I can’t see him being against it. Especially as someone who had a tooth extracted in the early 19th century.
‘Oh they give you pain killers now? Fantastic.’
‘Sir, we just numb the area where we are doing the work.’
‘So it doesn’t impede my awareness? Amazing. Please, fix all my teeth right now.’
He’d also support the greater access to education that exists, especially compared to his day. Also, streaming services. He would binge so many things. ‘Bertrand we are watching every thing this very soothing sounding British naturalist made about planet earth. Holy shit look at that they’re under water! They’re at the bottom of the ocean! Bertrand look at this. if only Josephine were here. She’d be so excited.’
Pro-zoom/Microsoft teams/facetime etc. 100%. ‘If I had this instead of people relying on my bad handwriting ...’
Oh, he’d like the EU as a concept. Except he would be very disappointed that France wasn’t at the helm. I think France’s position globally would disappoint him, overall. But yeah, the broad principles espoused by the concept of the European Union would appeal to him.
Brexit though. Lol. I think he’d enjoy watching England shoot itself in the foot. But if you asked him for his opinion, as in “do you think the UK should do this” he would answer no. They should remain.
He would like globalization, trade agreements, things like NAFTA, CETA etc. Supporter of big government. Reduction of religion in public sphere. Though would he be pro-banning visual manifestations of faith? (i.e. Hijab etc.) I don’t know. I doubt it. Simply because he was very focused on religion in government, so if churches aren’t involved in decision making, what citizens get up to on their own is their business (so long as you don’t cause problems). But I don’t know, he might be pro-it, because he was also into assimilation and creating a broad sense of a French culture. I could see him really going either way on it. It’d probably come down to whatever he thought would garner the most public support as a political move (since a lot of his more liberal moves as a leader were tied to understanding that marginalized communities would gun hard for him if he helped them).
He would be pro-mask wearing for COVID because he wasn’t a fucking idiot and lived in a time when pandemics were still a real going concern.
He would also probably like how comfortable modern clothing is. I don’t think he’d like how cheap and made-to-wear-out that most brands are, but he’d like the over all philosophy. Like Napoleon would dig t-shirts. Lounge wear. The fact that jeans have some stretch in them. That sort of thing.
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Least Like: I think he’d be very wary of the internet. For many reasons. For the lack of government control (Napoleon “What is a free press? never heard of her” Bonaparte). But also, because of the misinformation problems. The side effects many of us are now bearing witness to, and experiencing the ramifications of.
He would dislike the whole fake news nonsense. Oh this man was a master spin-doctor, very good at twisting a narrative around to suit him, but he still did have respect for and a firm belief in basic facts. Especially fake news that usurped the sound advise of scientists and doctors (i.e. COVID nonsense).
Free press, I think he would be wary of it. Mostly from a government control perspective. Like as a day-to-day citizen, since he wouldn’t be anyone in power in this hypothetical, I think he’d value it. He would do that disassocative thing he did when he talked about things in the abstract. That cold, calculating way he would position himself in a situation and be like “Ah yes, these are the things that need to be tamped down if you want control of a populace as a monarch”. Then he had his more liberal, call-back-to-that-misspent-jacobin-youth moments where his views shifted.
I suppose it would also depend what age this hypothetical Napoleon is. He softened a lot in retirement exile. Napoleon at the height of his power, thirty-odd years old, different man to fifty year old Napoleon.
Would not be into women in politics. He’d be like ‘Why is there a woman in charge of Germany? Also what happened to the Habsburgs? Where’s Prussia? Silesia? What the FuCk is happening in the Balkans? I’m very confused about Europe’s current geographic layout. ...Corsica...still doing you, I see.’
He’d dislike Trump and his cronies. As I wrote before: “ I think Napoleon would find Trump disgusting on a personal level. Uneducated, incapable of holding a real conversation, gauche, anti-intellectual, anti-fact-based discussion, anti-science, anti-art etc. He’d also feel that Trump is disgracing the position of President and that he is unworthy of leadership. Napoleon would also find Trump physically repulsive as he could be a wee bit shallow in some of his assessments (though, very early modern to 19th century to assume your physical appearance is a manifestation of your interiority).”
Steve Bannon’s fiddling with finances? Napoleon would find that repulsive. Mitch Mcconnell disgracing his office by fucking around with constitutional loop holes? Napoleon would think it a disgrace.
He had a lot of respect for America’s experiment with democracy. Like, quite a lot of respect. So I think he’d be vastly disappointed in not only the person occupying the white house, but also a lot of the apathy in voting that is going around. (Yes, this coming from a [mostly] absolutest monarch, too.) But Napoleon valued and respected the notion of civic duty. If you live in a democracy, you have a duty to participate. To opt out is to shirk that duty which he would find insulting and distasteful. Because, I would argue, he was very much a believer in people doing right by their fellow citizens.
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Get unreasonably addicted to: MODERN BATHS. HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE THE BATHTUB. THEY CAN HAVE JETS AND EVERYTHING BERTRAND THIS IS GREAT.
Also central heating. Saunas. Jacuzzis. He was like a wee lizard seeking warmth at all times.
I think he’d be into driving. I don’t know if he would be good at it. Don’t let Napoleon take the wheel, guys. But if someone else was driving he’d be that person “go faster. you’re driving like my grandmother.” And gods, he’d do dumb shit like drive like a maniac around the arc de triumph six times in a row because he’s an adrenaline junkie and a risk-taker (it’s that bored ADD brain of his). The autobahn would be his dream.
I think he’d be super into epic fantasy series. Like the big sweeping ones like Lord of the Rings. I think less so GRRM because GRRM is unrealistic and Napoleon is pedantic. Especially about politics and war. Exhibit A: consider Napoleon’s very detailed nitpicking of Virgil on his inaccurate rendition of Troy from a military perspective. Therefore, I suspect GRRM’s lack of accuracy in how society works, how war works, how politics works, all the plot holes and illogical character decisions, would drive him up the wall. Napoleon liked Homer because he could tell Homer had been to war. And you can tell Tolkien has been to war. Also LOTR hits all those notes of high-hearted emotion and big sweeping scenes that Napoleon so liked in Ossian and the Illiad etc.
All this to say, overall, as a genre, I think those big, sweeping fantasies with lots of plot, politics, intrigue, soaring battles, great heights of emotion - he’d love that. It would hit all of his buttons for what he liked in fiction. Lots of emotion, lots of action, lots of big scenes, lots of crazy shenanigans. This can also be applied to Sci-fi. I think he’d be a big nerd on that too. But the science would have to make sense.
I think he’d be into Star Trek, particularly Picard, if only for the philosophical aspects of it. He liked those sorts of questions and hypotheticals. So I think he’d binge all of The Next Generation (among other seasons).
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Do for a living: Teach? God knows. This is Napoleon from 18-something who just woke up? He could be paid for consultant work for historians and film crews and the like, I guess. Just to tell them how accurate stuff is. Of course, be wary, this is Napoleon I Am A Spin Doctor Bonaparte.
I think he could lean into writing histories - particularly the classics, early French and European history - that sort of thing, where he already has a strong background in it and it wouldn’t require him basically learning an entirely new trade. Like, will Napoleon ever fully be a natural with computers and cell phones? Probably not. Could he be like your old school Professor emeritus who still churns out papers and does 90% of it the old fashioned by-hand way? Yes. And Napoleon had a bunch of histories planned on St. Helena that he wanted to write, so I think he could do that.
As this is literally Napoleon Bonaparte he’d get a book deal in seconds. There’d be a bidding war over it.
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Thank you for the ask! This was very amusing :D
#napoleon#napoleon was his own shitpost#napoleon bonaparte#napoleonic#napoleon in the modern day#ask#reply#anon
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Better Than the Movies Pt. 2
Pairing: Bucky Barnes X female reader
Summary: After Bucky essentially rocks your world, he decides that the best way to continue your introduction into the world of seduction is by making you wait. WAIT. When you finally decide that you just can’t take it anymore, you decide to give Bucky a bit of his own medicine only for it to backfire in the most amazing way.
Words: 5k
Warnings: Swearing, smut, NSFW/18+ only
Author’s Note: This is the longest, smuttiest thing I have ever written. I really hope you guys enjoy it! Let me know what you think!
***
It had been a full week since your encounter on the couch. A long, grueling, entirely frustrating week and it was all James Buchanan Barnes’ fault. You shouldn’t have been surprised honestly, after his long speech about passion, it would make sense that he had decided to torture you. Boy did he know torture. After your little tryst in the compound’s living room, he had stopped you from going any further. In the moment, you had wanted nothing more than to rip every last stitch of clothing from the god-like man, but he had other things in mind. He had decided to make you wait. WAIT. If he hadn’t absolutely rocked your world the first time, you would have washed your hands of him by now, but alas he had and so here you were going absolutely mad.
Of course, the week of waiting wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t spent the whole time teasing you. Slowly. Methodically.
It had started lightly. A brush of the hand here. A palm to your lower back as he passed you in the hallway and the kitchen. A touch of his knee to yours as he sat next to you on the couch and at the dining room table.
Then it progressed.
A gentle tug of your hair at the nape of your neck when no one was looking. A whispered “You’re so fucking sexy” during your mission briefs. A casual quip of “Your ass is driving me crazy” as you dipped low into a squat in the gym.
And then to top it all off, there were the texts.
The man had never texted you before now. You were halfway convinced that he didn’t even know how. Apparently, you were very wrong. Early morning, late at night, middle of the day. It didn’t matter. Your phone was constantly buzzing, each message dirtier and raunchier than the last. The man grew up in the 40s, where on earth did, he learn how to talk like that? Did people secretly talk like this back then? You had certainly never been spoken to like this.
Your phone buzzed in your pocket as you walked swiftly down the hall. You had just come out of a meeting with Fury about some upcoming missions and were headed towards your room to change before a training session with Natasha.
Bucky:
Can’t stop thinkin’ about that hot little body of yours baby doll.
You felt your cheeks warm and shook your head at the pet name he had decided was yours, before entering your room.
Buzz.
Bucky:
I bet your little pussy is just soaked for me. Isn’t it?
That was it. He couldn’t keep doing this to you! If he was going to continue teasing you all the while refusing to touch you, you were going to give him a dose of his own medicine. Marching into the bathroom, you quickly stripped down to your bra and panties. Taking a moment to fuss with your hair and makeup, you opened the camera on your phone and snapped a few pictures in the full-length mirror. After assessing the array of pictures, you finally decided on the most risqué of the lot. You were on your knees on the bathroom rug, length spread apart and hip cocked to the side. Your (Y/E/C) eyes stared sultrily into the camera as you bit firmly onto your lower lip. Your hair, falling slightly over your face and pushed over one shoulder, revealed the slipping bra strap on the other. The mix of black lace and white cotton that made up your lingerie set, gave you a nice combination of sexy and innocent that you hoped would drive Bucky absolutely crazy. However, it wouldn’t drive him nearly as crazy as the most important aspect of the picture – your left hand dipping into your panties just so.
With a smirk, you hit send and put your phone down, dressing quickly for the training session you were now late for. When you’d managed to make it all the way down to the gym without hearing anything back, you felt a sense of pride fill your chest. That certainly managed to shut him up.
“Took you long enough!” Natasha called from across the gym.
“Sorry! My meeting with Fury ran late and then I had something I needed to take care of really quick,” you apologized, setting your things down on a nearby bench.
“You know this means I’m going to have to take it hard on you today,” said Natasha, crossing her arms.
You laughed, “You were planning on going easy on me?”
“Well…no. But now, it’s double time. I want to see you sweat!” Natasha clapped her hands, and you got into gear, beginning the first part of your training circuit.
An hour later, your head was locked between Nat’s thighs, face pink and fighting for breath. Reluctantly you hit your hand twice on one of her thighs, tapping out.
“Damnit!” you exclaimed, sitting up as Natasha released her hold on you, swiftly standing to her feet to go again.
“Don’t beat yourself up too bad (Y/N),” said Nat, “You’re actually doing really well.”
“Sure doesn’t feel like it when you’re kicking my ass every time.”
“Well that’s not your fault. I’m just better than you.”
You looked up at the red head with contempt, making her chuckle and raise an eyebrow at you.
“Come on (Y/N). Get your ass up and let’s go again. I’m getting a little tired, so maybe if you take some of that sexual frustration out on me, you’ll win.”
Your blood ran cold at the comment. No one knew about you and Bucky, “What sexual frustration?”
“Well you haven’t been on another date since you got stood up last week, so I’m assuming you haven’t found anyone to rock your world like some hunky movie star,” Natasha quipped.
“Hey, (Y/N),” you heard the voice of Sam call from across the room, “your phone is buzzing like crazy over here! Who is texting you this much?”
You looked over at him in confusion and then horror as you watched Sam reach down and pick up your phone from its spot on the bench, “Wait! Sam don’t!” you called, standing quickly. But it was too late.
“Whoa!” Sam yelled, dropping your phone in surprise, “Penis! That was a penis on your screen (Y/N)!”
You groaned and started to run towards your phone before anyone else could look at it, but it was all in vain. Nat was across the room, with your phone in hand before you had even made it halfway.
“Well done (Y/N). Apparently, you have found yourself a man,” said Nat scrolling through the messages, “and he’s hung like a horse and has quite the imagination.”
“Nasty. You are nasty (Y/N). You too Natasha,” said Sam, shaking his head and the both of you.
You finally reached Nat’s side and attempted to pull the phone from her hands but she was too quick, “How do you know the password to my phone Nat?”
“I know everyone’s password,” she responded casually.
“Wait, what?” said Sam, turning to her.
“Not important right now Sam,” said Nat, “What is important is who this mystery dick belongs to.”
“Nat, please don’t,” you tried once more to grab your phone as dread filled you.
“Oh. My. God.”
“Nat.”
“Bucky?!”
“Hold on,” said Sam attempting to look at the phone in Natasha’s hand now, “Did you just say Bucky? Robocop? Metal man? No, that can’t be. It’s bigger than my—”
“Enough!” you exclaimed, finally snatching the phone away and grabbing the rest of your things, “I have to go.” You ran from the room as fast as you could, the faint sound of Natasha telling you to have fun and Sam’s outrage disappearing as you distanced yourself. You entered the closest bathroom you could find and locked yourself in a stall to catch your breath before opening your phone.
Sure enough, there in all its glory was Bucky’s member standing proud. And proud it should be. If the length alone didn’t intimidate you, then the girth certainly did. He was easily thicker than your wrist, prominent veins running down the sides from the base to the thick tip. Fuck, the head alone looked like it would barely fit inside you.
Tearing your eyes away from the picture, you saw the string of messages that followed it.
Bucky:
Okay baby doll, you wanna’ play?
Bucky:
You want this cock?
Bucky:
Come and get it.
Bucky:
My room. Thirty minutes.
Bucky:
I want you naked in the middle of my bed on your knees by the time I get there. Friday will let you in.
Holy shit. It was happening. It was happening and…you only had 20 minutes left. Fuck. You all but sprinted from the bathroom and towards your room. Like lightning you threw off your clothes and stepped into the shower, not even waiting for the water to warm up as you washed away the sweat and grime from your workout. Once you were freshened up enough, you threw on a fluffy robe, not bothering with real clothes as Bucky’s room was only two doors down from yours. Like Bucky said, the door opened for you when you tried the handle and then you were there. You were in Bucky’s room. The faint sound of a shower running told you exactly where he was. For a second you contemplated joining him, but then you remembered his instructions. You shivered, crisp air brushing your skin as you took off your robe and walked towards the large bed. It wasn’t until you were on your knees in the middle of the bed, that you fully grasped the situation you were in. You were really going to sleep with Bucky. Your best friend. The man that had been the center of all your thoughts and dreams for the past week. The man that had already brought you more pleasure than you had ever experienced before. You closed your eyes and took a few deep, calming breaths.
“Now that is quite the sight,” the deep timbre of Bucky’s voice sent electricity coursing through your body and you opened your eyes to see him standing near the bathroom door. You watched as he sauntered into the door, slowly and casually, with nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist. Small rivulets of water traveled down his sculpted chest, some catching in the patch of dark brown hair that speckled his chest and others traveling all the way down to his waist where the towel sat. You licked your lips involuntarily, wanting so desperately to lick those drops of water up.
“Like what you see?” asked Bucky, catching your eye and bringing you out of your thoughts, “I certainly like what I see.” He approached you like a wolf stalks its prey. Predatory. Powerful. Frightening. You watched as he got closer, extending a hand to ghost over the skin of your ribcage before coming up to cup one of your breasts.
“Look at how turned on you are baby doll. Your nipples are rock hard,” his thumb lifted and grazed the tip of your nipple causing a small whimper to escape your throat. He smirked at your reaction, swiping his thumb again, this time firmer before bringing it between his thumb and forefinger to pinch lightly. You bit your lower lip, attempting to keep your composure instead of melting into a giant puddle of goo so early into the night.
“Now, now,” Bucky released your nipple and reached up to pull the lip from between your teeth. “The only thing I wanna’ see in this pretty little mouth of yours is either my fingers or my cock.”
You gasped, recalling the picture he had sent you earlier and wondering if it would even fit in your mouth. Maybe. Definitely not all the way, but that didn’t stop you from wanting to try.
“Oh, you like that? You wanna’ wrap these pretty pink lips around my cock baby doll?” asked Bucky, gripping your chin and tilting your face up to look him in the eye.
You nodded desperately as you stared into his beautiful blue eyes. If you weren’t careful, you could get lost in those eyes and never come back. He laughed softly, taking a moment to scan your face. He seemed…pleased.
“Maybe next time. Right now, I want to take my sweet time making you cum over and over again. Does that sound okay with you?” Bucky raised his eyebrows, the way he asked the question so casual you would have thought he’d just asked you if pizza was alright for dinner.
“Yes. Please,” your voice was faint and needy, but you didn’t care. You would let this man do anything with your body at this point. Just as long as he actually did something.
“Good girl,” Bucky whispered huskily before leaning down and connecting his lips to yours gently. He took his time seducing your lips with his, coaxing them into a slow and languid dance as he climbed onto the bed as well.
His hands were like fire and ice as they caressed your shivering body. You reached out, finding stability on his bare shoulders. Your right hand traveled over the expanse of cold metal to gently trace where metal met flesh. Bucky gasped into your mouth, his body going rigid. At first you thought you’d done something wrong, overstepped a boundary. But then he was reaching up with the same metal hand and grabbing a fistful of your hair.
“You trying to drive me crazy baby doll?” he asked, pulling your head back.
“Maybe,” you answered coyly, hissing at the delightful mixture of pain and pleasure his hand in your hair was giving you.
“Too late. I’m already gone,” Bucky confessed, his left hand traveling down your sternum, ribcage, stomach, “I haven’t stopped thinking about you all week. It’s like your everywhere. Your eyes. Your pretty little smile. Your breasts. I’ve been hard all week thinking about you. You know how difficult that’s been for me?”
“I have some idea.”
“Let me be the judge of that,” he quipped, his fingers delving into your folds. He let out a low groan when he felt the sheer amount of arousal. “Fuck. You are soaked baby doll.”
“Bucky. Please,” you pleaded. You didn’t have to explain any further. He knew exactly what you needed. His hand began to lovingly caress your folds, spreading your wetness around before inserting a single digit into your tight passage. You both moaned at the sensation, you in pleasure, him in surprise by how tightly you gripped him. He claimed your mouth again as he fingered you, making sure to curve his finger to rub along your front wall. He continued to rub, changing angles and positions as if he were searching for something. You quickly learned exactly what he was searching for when his finger made contact with a spot that made you see stars.
“Yes!” you cried, reaching down to grip his wrist, hoping to god he never stopped.
“That the spot baby doll?” Bucky slowly slid his finger out before adding a second and finding that special spot again, this time making contact with both fingers. You cried out again, gasping at the sheer pleasure of the act. This went on for a little while. Him slowly stroking your walls while he kissed you into oblivion. Then his fingers did something you’d never experienced before. Quickly he pulsed the pads of his fingers against that spot deep inside you, almost in a come-hither motion. The act caused a pressure to begin to form deep in the pit of your stomach and panic started to form in your chest. It was almost as if you had to…
“Bucky. Stop. I—”
“It’s okay doll.”
“No. I need—I think I need—” You were going to pee. You were sure of it.
“Trust me doll. I got you.”
You gripped his shoulders tightly, feeling the pressure build in a sweet yet foreign way. You clenched your abdominal muscles, trying to fight the urge. It was like your body needed a release, but you weren’t about to embarrass yourself by wetting his bed.
“Stop fighting it doll. I can feel you fighting it. Relax. Give into it. I got you,” said Bucky through gritted teeth, his fingers picking up speed, thrusting against your walls at an almost inhuman speed. So fast and rough that you had no choice but to give into him and then, you were lost. The pressure building in your abdomen reached its peak and you were cumming. Cumming harder than you’d ever cum before in your life.
“Fuuuuuck, yes. Yes, baby doll. That’s it,” growled Bucky, trusting his fingers in and out of you as your vision began to go white and then black. Your body went limp, falling backwards only to be caught by Bucky’s left arm. Softly, he lowered you to the bed as his right hand continued to stroke you down from your high.
You came to in time to see Bucky extract his fingers from you and bring his soaked hand up to his face. Wrapping his lips around his fingers, he tasted you on them with a low moan. It was around that time that you became fully conscious of what had just happened. Sitting up in a panic, you looked between your legs to see a large wet stain on the center of the bed.
“Oh my god. I—”
“Squirted. Fuck baby doll. I thought maybe I could get you there eventually tonight, but I barely even had to touch you and you were gushing. That was the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I mean, I haven’t even touched your clit yet. I—” Bucky was rambling as he looked at you in awe, “I have to taste you.”
You let out a yelp of surprise as he pushed you onto your back and dove between your legs. His hands gripped your thighs tightly and you were about to protest about your inability to cum again when his tongue made contact with your clit. You cried out, your hips raising and your hands threading into his long hair. It was…oh my god it was…indescribable the way his tongue flicked and swirled around your swollen bud. You gripped his hair tightly in your hands as you moaned and yelled in ecstasy. It felt inhumanly amazing, but there was no way you could cum a second time, right? You’d never been able to cum more than once before. Wrong. Before you knew it, the familiar coil was beginning to form in the pit of your stomach and your breathing picked up speed.
“You gonna’ cum again already?” asked Bucky, his hot breath on your pussy sending shivers up and down your spine, “I think you are. You have no idea how deliciously sweet this pussy is. Can’t believe I wasted so much time teasing you when I could have been feasting on this tasty little kitty day in and day out.”
You moaned at his filthy words, your hips grinding against his tongue, searching for purpose. Then his lips were around your clit and he was sucking. The suction sent you past the brink and over the edge in seconds as you came for the second time that night. The endorphins coursed through your body. While your first orgasm seemed to suck the life out of you, your second was like touching live wire. Every nerve in your body was alive. You sat up, pulling Bucky away from your center and on top of you. You kissed him feverishly, desperately. Tasting a mixture of yourself and him. You couldn’t get enough as you nipped and licked and sucked his full lips. Reaching down, you pulled the towel from his waist and found what you had been craving this past week. He hissed as your hand wrapped around his hard member, your fingertips not quite meeting around his thick girth. You stroked slowly, up and down.
“I swear to god Bucky, if you aren’t inside of me in the next two seconds, I am going to lose my mind,” you said desperately, your voice gravelly and hoarse.
“Fuck baby doll, okay. Let me grab a condom.”
“I’m clean and I’m on birth control. If you’re clean, then I’d much prefer to feel you.”
“Shit—Fuck—Yea. I mean, yes I’m clean,” Bucky finally said, laying over you fully before lining himself up with your center. He ran the tip of his cock up and down your folds, gathering your wetness before pushing his head past your entrance. You both groaned at the sensation. The sweet sting of the stretch was euphoric as he filled you in a way, you’d never thought possible. It felt like an eternity as he slowly worked himself inside you. It was like he went on forever. Just when you thought there couldn’t possibly be any more of him to fill you, he kept going. When he was fully seated within you, it felt like he took up every square inch inside of your body. It was all encompassing. Overwhelming in the most delicious way. You breathed heavily looking between Bucky’s face and where the two of your joined. The sight alone lightyears beyond pornographic.
“God baby doll, you are so fucking tight,” Bucky panted, his lips parted as he too stared at the place where you connected. Bringing his gaze back up to you, he locked eyes with you. The emotion that you found swirling behind the light blue pools made your heart catch in your chest. He looked at you like you hung the fucking moon. Like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
“Let me know if I hurt you at all. Okay? I want this to be good for you.”
You stared back, feeling something deep in your gut that felt like…no that was ridiculous. Was it? You’d never felt more beautiful than you did right now, caged within Bucky’s strong arms as his large member pulsed inside of you and he looked at you like he’d give his life for you.
“Okay. I will,” you responded, only able to find the few simple words in the swirl of everything you wanted to say to him. But you liked to imagine that he could hear the weight of everything you hadn’t said hanging in the air.
“Okay.”
Bucky lowered his head to kiss you, delicately and lovingly as he withdrew until only his head remained seated inside of you. Then, firmly, he thrust back into you. The sensation of his bare cock inside your pussy, stretching you, caressing your walls was almost more than you could handle. His thrust began to pick up speed. The sweet push and pull combined with the sound of skin on skin filled your senses. Everything was pleasure and euphoria and Bucky. So much Bucky. Inside of you. Around you. On your skin. In your mind.
It wasn’t long before his hips were swirling and dipping in faster and erratic patterns. Your hands clung to his back, nails digging in deep as you felt the pressure and coil begin to build and tighten in your core for the third time that night. Impossible, you thought. Your mouth was everywhere, kissing his lips, his jaw, his neck. You sucked and nipped the delicate skin, absolutely positive that he’d be covered in dark, purple bruises by the next day. Switching his weight over to his left arm, he reached down and started to circle your sensitive clit.
“I need you to cum again baby doll,” he said, his voice husky and needy.
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. Now be a good girl and cum all over my cock baby. I know you want to. I’m so close baby. I wanna’ feel you cum all over my big hard cock as I cum inside you. You want that baby? You want me to cum inside you?”
The combination of his voice, his words, and his fingers on your clit was the tipping point for you. You came, pulsing around Bucky as your body convulsed in pleasure. Your hips moving on their own accord. You chanted his name over and over like a prayer, wanting the feeling to go on forever. In the midst of your ecstasy, your heard Bucky growl out your name as he pumped into you harshly, his warm seed filling your channel.
You both laid there, breathing heavily as you came down from your highs. In the moment, you couldn’t help but let a little giggle slip past your lips. Giddy with pleasure. You were literally giddy with pleasure. After a moment, Bucky followed, laughing softly with you as you looked at each other. He placed a peck to your lips before sitting up and pulling out of you. You gasped at the sensation, surprised by just how empty you felt without him inside of you. Watching Bucky stand from the bed, a skip in his step as he disappeared into the bathroom, you contemplated all that had just happened. However, the only thing you could come up with was the fact that you were happy and incredibly satisfied. Bucky returned a few seconds later with a wet washcloth. He took the cloth and reached between your thighs, cleaning you gently as you exchanged shy smiles. The intimate act was so sweet and caring, it made your heart clench once again. Once he was finished, he tossed the cloth aside and laid down beside you, pulling you into his arms and kissing the top of your head. You lay there in comfortable silence until you finally spoke up.
“So, I take it you liked the picture I sent you?”
Bucky laughed, “I think that’s an understatement. Although I’d have to assume that you also liked the picture, I sent you.”
“I think that’s an understatement,” you repeated his words back to him cheekily, and then you remembered, “Ummm, speaking of pictures. There’s something I have to tell you.”
“What baby doll?” Bucky asked sleepily, pulling you in even tighter.
“Well, someone may have gotten to my phone before I could and they may have seen the picture,” you cringed as you waited for his response. It was silent for a moment before he responded.
“And who might this someone be?”
“Nat.”
“Okay, that’s not too bad.”
“And, Sam.”
“What?!” Bucky sat up a little to look down at you, his eyes wide.
“If it makes you feel he was really jealous when he found out it was yours. Apparently, you’re bigger,” you scrambled, hoping he wasn’t too mad. Bucky stared at you for a moment before bursting out into laughter once again. He laid back down, his chest shaking as he continued to chuckle to himself.
“You’re not mad?”
“Nah baby doll. I couldn’t possibly be mad at you after that,” said Bucky kissing the top of your head again, “Now let’s get some sleep. You’ll need to recharge, because when you wake up, we’re going again and this time I’m not going easy on you.”
“That was easy?!”
“Hey, you were the one that said I was better than the movies.”
Taglist:
@ladifreakingda
#betterthanthemovies#fanfic#fanfiction#smut#bucky#bucky barnes#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#marvel#avengers
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Korriban - Chapter 94
Link to the masterpost. Chapter 93. Chapter 95.
@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.
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This tomb looks significantly newer than Ajunta Pall’s, and there’s text that I can actually read so it must be recent enough. It’s not Galactic Basic, but it’s not some long-dead language, either. This is the tomb of Tulak Hord, a lightsaber specialist by the look of it. So definitely more recent than Ajunta Pall, who didn’t have a lightsaber. This is the tomb where I met Lashowe, though, that’s going to have consequences as far as the tuk’ata population is concerned. Without the matriarch, there may be infighting to establish a new matriarch, or a daughter may have stepped up that isn’t fit to rule the pack. In an ideal world the pack would just go on as normal but when is it ever an ideal world?
This tomb is a little brighter than Ajunta Pall’s, but still pretty dark. There’s more to it, too - Ajunta Pall’s was a straight shot with a trick along the way. This tomb is from a different era, and relies on twists and turns as well as tricks to keep looters at bay. But we are not the first to proceed this way, and a bit of a trail has been marked by dark splotches on the walls. No, they’re not blood - even if the Sith were that weird, you’d have to carry the blood through the tomb and that would drive the tuk’ata nuts. That’s a death wish kind of thing to do. But the splotches are high enough on the wall that the tuk’ata couldn’t reach, and too regular to be natural. I can handle if it’s a trap of some kind.
The tuk’ata are not composed at all, which is what I expected. When we run across a few, they don’t attack in a uniform fashion. It’s sloppy, uncoordinated, and they don’t attack as a unit. Damn you, Lashowe, you ruined the pack dynamics. Most of them I can just scare off, but we do have to kill a few along the route marked off for us.
The route dead ends near an ancient console, sort of like the ones in the ruins on Dantooine. They said the Star Map was in Naga Sadow’s tomb, so what is this doing here? I hit a button. It still works and it displays in Basic. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Jolee says.
“Yeah, me too,” I say, “but I think we can get ourselves out of any trouble.” I use the console to open the door.
“I dread the day you’re wrong about that.”
“Yeah, me too.”
We step through and are met with another closed door as the one behind us closes. Something… smells awful. Is the room spinning? Oh, shit, poison gas. Carth… is Carth okay?
Jesus, that knocked the wind out of me. I feel like there’s a Reek sitting on my chest. I try to look around. I’m not in the chamber anymore. Looks like the crypt. Carth - where’s Carth? He’s still out cold. Jolee’s conscious but pretending he’s not. Which he would only do if he got some benefit out of it. Something smells again. But not like poison, more like sweat. Someone here has not bathed in days, minimum, and it’s none of us.
“Awake already, are you?” Sounds like a kookier old man than Jolee, who I can actually hear huff in my head. Ah, he knows I love him. “Good!” I try to get a better look at this crusty old dude. He’s got the same grayish skin as Master Uthar, but way more crazed. “This is the tomb of Sith Lord Tulak Hord, if you don't know. I've taken up residence here, for now… it's dusty and full of critters, but it's home.”
I try and fail to sit up a bit. “Not that I don’t get the sentiment, because I would love to swap stories about dusty critter homes, but who are you and why the hell am I here?”
“Ah, yes!” he exclaims, “Introductions of course! I suppose it is time, isn't it?” Anyone like this who hasn’t had twelve cups of caff is certifiably cuckoo for Core Puffs. (Hell, even if you have had twelve cups of caff, I’d still be worried about you being a responsible adult alone.) “This other student here that I captured earlier you should know well enough. His name is Mekel. Say hello, Mekel.”
God, he looks awful! He tries to mumble something at me but can’t. From what I can tell he’s got loads of fresh electrical scarring, and I don’t think he got it playing with wires. “Poor lad,” the kook says with mock sympathy, “He's had a hard day. My name is Jorak Uln. I was once the head of the academy, so I'm sure you've heard of me.”
“Yeah, I heard you went nuts and ran for the hills.”
He blusters and can’t managed to get a single comprehensible word out, except for “stupid Uthar”, before moving on. “Anyway…” he says, trying not to release his anger on me yet, “I'd like to propose that we move onto the main event. You see, I'd like to discover if you've got the pluck of an old-fashioned Sith. Most of the drek Uthar has been passing through these days is so pathetic. Take young Mekel here… I already tested him. Didn't I, Mekel?” Mekel mumbles again, and Jorak Uln laughs. “Yes, yes, you're welcome. You see, Mekel here has the cruel disposition of a Sith,” - which doesn’t surprise me - “but not the gumption that I'm looking for.”
Well, he’s definitely lost it, and needs clinical help finding it. But that’s not going to get me out of here. “So what happens if I pass your test?”
“Why, then, you go free!” Bingo! “Tell you what… I'll even pass onto you my own personal thesis on ancient Sith philosophies. They're based on all I've learned studying Tulak's tomb. It'll make you a better Sith, I'm sure.” Which is not something I’m looking for. “The chances of you passing, however, are sadly remote.”
I like my chances, actually. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Now, now, is that any kind of attitude to take with higher education?” In my experience, yes. “I'm doing you a favor, really. So, then! This is how it goes: I'm going to pose a moral question to you. Get it right, and I torture Mekel. Get it wrong, and I torture you.” You can’t answer a moral question right or wrong, they’re opinions. But you know what, I don’t think that concerns him. “Mekel, here, is a bit weak… he probably won't be able to take much more punishment.” No, that’s some bad scarring, like “seek help now” scarring. “Mind you… get too many wrong and you'll die, yourself.” I’ve got a pretty high tolerance for electricity like that, but if it’s anything like how I was shocked earlier… I don’t want that again. But I can’t kill Mekel, either. He’s trash, sure, but he’s young trash. He could grow out of his trashiness if he’s given a push in the right direction. “I don't know what you think of Mekel. Maybe you don't like him. Maybe you think he deserves to be murdered? Well, here's your chance. Fair enough?” Okay, I can take some damage, how much can Mekel take? Trying to calculate all this in my head, work out my angles. When I don’t respond, Jorak Uln talks again. “Well, then! Any last comments before we begin, Mekel?”
Mekel looks over at me, he can see the wheels turning in my head. He grunts and says, “We can... both survive... attack him together!”
“Now, now, dear lad,” Uln says, “Do you really think your friend here will answer questions wrong just to spare little you, risking her own life? And how many correctly-answered questions before you die, hmmm? No, don't be silly… you had your chance, remember? On that note, let's begin!
“Now, then. Your immediate superior amongst the Sith is an effective commander and a fine leader. He trusts you and you like him. You see an opportunity to kill him. What do you do?”
A Sith would answer that they’d kill him and take power. But I have to be strategic about this to get both of us out alive. Let’s answer this one honestly. “I do nothing. He’s a good leader.”
“Incorrect!” Yeah, I know. “What sort of thinking is that? If all the Sith thought as you did, we would all be soft like the Jedi.” You’d also have a military that wasn’t built on fear and cruelty, but that must be too much to ask. “Ah, well. It is time for your punishment.” Oh, good God! Fuck!
But it’s over quick enough, thankfully, and he moves on to the next question. “And so we come to round two. You come across a group of humans who are threatened by dangerous animals. They plead for help, offering you a reward. What do you do?”
Hell, I’d help them without a reward. A Sith would take the reward and leave them. But I need a breather before I get shocked again. I give Mekel an apologetic look before I answer. “I take the reward and leave them to die.”
“Correct! The humans would no doubt just be preyed upon by something else, later.” Assuming I just left them. “Stand up for yourself, I say! We're not Jedi shepherds, after all.” He looks at Mekel. “Sadly, Mekel, the ingenuity of your fellow student is your loss. This is going to hurt.” Even as Mekel writhes in pain, I can’t help but be grateful it isn’t me. Even as his skin breaks and more scars ripple across.
Third question. “Let's see… ah, yes. You discover an aspect of the Force that gives you great power. Do you share it and strengthen the Sith as a whole or keep it to yourself?”
A Sith answer, as well as a scout’s answer, is to keep it to yourself. You always keep an advantage to keep yourself afloat at the end. For me it’s a hot springs on Utapau. The people there are fair traders and welcoming of outsiders, soil is rocky in a lot of places but they’ve spent millennia farming there so they know what they’re doing. Wildlife is stunning. I figured it would be a good place to settle when I couldn’t scout anymore. I guess for a Force user, a new power would be just as valuable. But I think Mekel needs a breather now. I don’t want to give it to him. But who am I if I let him die? “I share it,” I say finally.
“You gained an advantage and you share it freely?!” Dude, shut up. “Let them rip the secret from my dead hands, I say!” I plan to. “I mean... 'share it'?! Are you mad?!” He sighs. “Well, you did ask for this. It's for your own good.” Holy hell, I hate this! What the shit have I gotten myself into?
God, I need a break. “Still going?” Man, shut the hell up. “Alright, then. One of your underlings has made a major mistake which makes you look bad. He is normally very competent and skilled. Do you kill him or give him another chance?”
Personally I’d let him live. Let him learn. A Sith would kill him without a thought. And I don’t want to get hit again. Not so soon. “Kill him,” I say.
“Correct!” he exclaims. “Publicly, if you can. There is no room for that level of failure.” Dude, you’re the one living in a crypt, don’t lecture me about failure. “Not killing him would be seen as a sign of weakness... and then where would you be?” He turns to Mekel. “Ahhh, Mekel. The time has come once again, hasn't it?” Lightning shoots from his fingers again.
“Last question!” Oh, thank fuck. “You're about to die. Do you pass on your knowledge to your apprentice to make him stronger… or do you use your last breath to strike at your enemies?”
Just when I think the answer to this isn’t obvious, it comes to me: A true Sith never dies. Like… is that metaphorical, like how people still remember Ajunta Pall, or is that literal in the sense that Ajunta Pall wasn’t exactly dead? Or could it be both at once? Is Tulak Hord floating from room to room? Is there an ancient Sith no one remembers who’s haunting some cantina or something? And what does “true Sith” mean, anyway? What happens to a “false” Sith? Where did that answer even come from?
Either way, Mekel looks awful. I don’t think he’ll survive another right answer. I may hate it but I’ve still got a few wrong answers in me, and if this is the last question, then I’ll be okay. “I pass on my knowledge.”
Jorak Uln giggles excitedly. “Fool! It is a trick question! A true Sith never dies!!” You mean I was right? He laughs again. “I'll enjoy this one. Time for your medicine!” Shit shit! It’s okay, Rena, just lie back and think of droids, they always apologize for shocking you!
He gives me a moment to breathe. But it’s not a kindness. “Now, this is odd,” he says, “The test is over and you're both still alive. Well that's never happened before. Hmmmn…” Jolee shifts a bit. Carth is conscious now and even though Jolee has healed him both are still playing dead for now. “What to do, what to do…” Uln ponders, “I suppose this means you can go, Mekel.” He releases him from his grip. “I'll have to just figure out what to do with our friend, here. Run along, now.”
“Or…” Mekel says slowly, “… or I could use the Force to free her! And we could kill you!!” I feel Uln’s grip on me slacken and finally break. My legs feel jellied but I can still stand, and I pull out my lightsabers. I reach out with the Force and exhaust it to heal Mekel and myself. I hope Jolee saved some energy because we're both still only at half strength. “Seems you didn't think of that, old man!!”
“What?!” Uln exclaims, “Mutiny! Behave, students! I'll…!” Now Jolee reaches out to both of us, and I can stand on my legs again. Mekel’s scarring closes over. Carth jumps to his feet and pulls Jolee up. And now Uln loses the little he had left. “That's it! Detention for all of you! Permanent detention!!”
Uln activates his double-bladed lightsaber, but I’ve got my two out and Mekel has his as well. None of us have any Force left, but neither does Uln, which evens it out a bit. Uln focuses on Mekel, which means I can fight dirty from behind if I avoid the other end of his lightsaber. No one gives me electrical scarring if they don’t apologize afterwards. If he were a droid who didn’t apologize, well, I’d get to retune his power core, which can be unpleasant for the droid. People don’t have power cores, so I guess I have to just beat him senseless. Mekel pushes him backwards onto uneven footing. I sweep his legs out from under him and he falls over. Without missing a beat, Mekel runs him through.
He stands over him and laughs ironically. “What do you know?” he says, “I guess he wasn't a 'true Sith' after all.” He sighs and relaxes. “I can't believe that I'm alive,” he says, “You saved me… you could have easily just answered those questions and let me die. You knew the answers, I could tell, I could see you mulling it over.”
“Nobody deserves to die like that,” I say firmly, “There is no universe in which I left you to die.”
He takes a second to reflect. “Yeah, well…” he says thoughtfully, “… I see what you mean. I’ve never… I mean, I've never been on that side of the fence before. It makes you think. I'd be dead if you weren't…” He stops again, like he’s correcting himself. “… I mean, if you were a proper Sith. But you're not, are you? Don't worry… I won't tell anyone.”
“Frankly, I wasn’t worried, but thank you, anyway,” I say. He’s still quite pensive. “Seems to me like you’ve got a lot on your mind, a lot of thinking to do.” He looks at me wordlessly. “I get the impression you don't want to be a ‘true Sith’ like Uln. You’ve just got some crap to work through. There’s better places to work through it.”
“You mean… the light side?” he says softly, “I've never thought about that. Can you… can you even go back? I've done some… I mean, I've hurt a lot of people.”
“There's always remorse,” Jolee says, “And atonement. That's the harder path, though, boy. Think you can do that?”
“I…” he says nervously, “I don't think the light side is for me. But… maybe neither are the Sith. Maybe it's time for me to leave.”
I take a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” I say, “but have you thought about Czerka?”
Mekel scoffs. “Hell, no. Fuck Czerka.”
“Thank you!” I say, and we share a grin. “Well,” I say, “good luck wherever you end up.”
“To you, as well,” he says, “And… thank you.” He walks away, following the splotches on the wall to the exit.
Jorak Uln did a poor job of hiding his thesis. The ancient stone tablet is resting on the tomb of Tulak Hord, right out in the open. It’s not as heavy as it looks, but I am positively worn out, so Carth carries it for me out of the tomb. “So,” he asks me, “are you going to bother with any more tombs?”
“Hell, no, I’m not doing anything else today except relax with that bottle of Tarisian ale on the ship, I am exhausted.”
“I had hoped to save that till the end of the war,” he says, “but I think you’ve earned it now. But that wasn’t what I meant.” I look at him curiously. “By my count all of the other hopefuls are gone. Mekel just left, Lashowe’s dead, we’ll find out about Shaardan soon enough. Whether you’ve earned enough prestige or not, there isn’t exactly anyone left to oppose you.”
“You sound like you’ve got something in mind,” I say.
He shrugs sheepishly. “Well,” he says slowly, “I guess I’d… like to join you for that drink, if you don’t mind.”
This is a hell of a time to ask me out. Not that I’m complaining. “I’d like that,” I say.
He tries very hard not to beam. God, he’s adorable.
-----
Shaardan is dead at Master Uthar’s feet. Frankly I’m surprised nobody’s moved the body yet. “Master Uthar!” I call to get his attention, and he turns to me. “I have a tablet written by Jorak Uln.” Carth hands it off to him.
Uthar looks surprised. “It appears my old master was busy studying the writings in one of the tombs. How interesting.” He glances at me. “I do hope you had to pry this from his dead fingers.” Not exactly. “Regardless, you have impressed me with your worthy act.” He looks directly at me now. “Even if you were not the sole remaining hopeful, you have impressed me enough, by my estimation, to become a Sith in full. Congratulations, young one… you have bested the others quite completely, in more ways than one I’m sure. You have but one final test which you must take, and this requires us to travel to the tomb of Naga Sadow in the Valley of the Dark Lords. I would advise you to be rested and equipped before we leave. Return to your quarters now and seek me out in the morning.”
“My ship is still docked in Dreshdae,” I say, “Do you have any objection if I got there instead?”
“Go where you choose. But when you return, make sure that you have all that you will need… for you will face your test alone. Go, and may the Force serve you well.”
#star wars#knights of the old republic#fiction#autistic artist#kotor#specs writes stuff#kotor fic#rena visz#oc#fem!revan#ls!revan#carth onasi#jolee bindo#revanasi#korriban#mekel#fuck czerka#uthar wynn#swearing tw#death tw
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