#cause that thought is 10 times more heartbreaking than whatever is happening now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

silverrstarrr · 3 years

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extra hand

Update note: Happy spring break loves! Here's a smut I never finished but I still wanted to post it. I'll be taking break from writing eren. I recently started simping for geto Suguru from jjk so😩

Okay, so this is my first smut. I'm just experimenting and playing around with things. I WOULD LOVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, but don't bash me bc I'm a little sensitive and then go off 🥲. Song? Um, don't get mad at me but killshot by Magdalena b. slowed n reverb and no guidance remix, slowed n reverb.😕🦴

Pairings: erenxf!reader, smut!

Warnings: fingering, swearing, idk??

"Fuck!"

You tossed your phone onto the nearby bed in the spawn of annoyance, watching the mobile device bounce up a few times, then settling down into the soft comforter. Why were you irritated? It was because he hasn't texted. Eren Yeager haven't texted you back.

Your relationship with eren was a toxic one. You weren't the type to romanticize or fetishize "toxicness" but here you are, putting yourself in one.

Eren was your boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend? The both of you used to talk, met at a dumb frat boy party. This should have raised red flags immediately but you guessed the alcohol was to blame for it.

You guys had a small heated makeout session in one of the corners, away from the crowd. Sadly your friend was vomiting all over the place and had to take your leave.

Slowly you started seeing each other on campus and exchanged numbers. He'd always flirt with you, crack small jokes and was a good listener.

Sometimes he made small gestures and teasing comments that made the tension between you two, very heavy.

You started talking to him more than usual. you were sure eren only gave you his number to call you anytime he was in the mood, which happened often. It was obvious he's been with other women before cause, phew, he knew how to put it down.

Despite being fuck buddies, he was always down to chat and talk about things. You adored everything about him. How unkempt his hair was, the way he'll always ask how you were feeling and was willing to help you–his beautiful jade eyes.

Anytime you were upset with him, he always knew how to catch your attention again. From all this, you caught feelings. Real bad. But eren didn't feel the same, well so you thought.

Eren was walking around campus with another girl, arm slung around her shoulder, him whispering sweet nothings in her ears as you watched her face get red and started laughing. He even took you on small dates to restaurants and hanged out at his dorm.

You stood there dumbfounded. He played you. You guys were never a thing, you didn't understand why you thought you'll be different, he's a fuck boy after all.

He hit you up later that night, wanting to have a sesh in his car. Your emotions were spilled all over the place. you messaged him back questioning about the girl he was with. You sounded so desperate and you hated it.

From the way you were texting he knew you've caught feelings and automatically cut you off.

You were shocked, you hoped for him to just clear things up and tell you those overly used line: "she doesn't mean anything". You know, what most guys tell their girlfriends after being caught cheating.

But that was 4 months ago. He recently got in touch with you two week ago. How dare he just try to slide back into your life as if nothing happened? you were beyond pissed but you still messaged him back anyways. What the fuck? You're just going to get hurt all over again. You guys were chatting for a good week and decided to meet at his dorm.

"Hey y/n, long time no see, huh." He said

you clicked your tongue. "So you just ghost girls out of nowhere and hit them back up whenever you feel like it?" you were absolutely irritated, you wanted to punch his stupid face.

Eren rolled his eyes and let out a tiresome sigh. "It's whatever, get over it. I messaged you back, correct? You should be happy."

He was high. You could already tell by the way he smelled and the reason why he texted you out of the blue.

"Fuck you, Eren." You stormed out of there with your blood rushing. You were so angry but wanted to cry so much. "Whatever"? Was he serious?

You immediately called an uber and went home.

You rented out an apartment with one of your friends from high school. They were out most of the time so you never really saw them.

Automatically, eren was blowing up your phone with text messages. You didn't answer them, and kept him on delivered.

Which didn't last long because early on, on Tuesday, you messaged him back.

He was obviously upset you left him up and dry for a week but got over it.

Now, you're here. Waiting for his reply once again, your last text message was three days ago. It was currently Saturday night, 6:48 pm.

He hasn't responded since Wednesday. Was he going to ghost you again? Maybe he found another girl to mess with? bzzt bzzt You instantly whipped your head back, and stared at your phone's now lightened screen. You had a notification,

From eren.

Unlocking your phone, you checked what he sent.

"Can you come over?"

"pls?"

You read, then reread, then read again. He wanted you to come over? he's doing it again. He's fucking doing it again. He responds three nights later, what the fuck.

You didn't respond at first. Just staring at the open conversations.

You guessed eren saw that you read his text and three dots appeared on the lower left, he was typing.

"y/n, I know I fucked up but please can you respond at least?"

Your thumbs swiped against the keyboard.

"say what? what do I owe you a response for?" You sat down on your bed as the blue bubble sent.

"my phone got messed up, I dropped in it in the rain on my way back from practice. It cracked really bad"

You studied the screen not knowing what to say. You couldn't tell if he was lying or if it was true. But it did rain on Tuesday, so his story wasn't completely untruthful.

"I'll be over in 10"

That's it, you gave in to him. You're just setting yourself up again for another heartbreak.

You decided to prepare yourself. This was going to be a long night

—

You had your jacket on as you stepped out the door. It was still winter, luckily the piled up snow died down.

You quickly jogged to your uber and entered inside. the driver took off shortly after you came in.

The drive was pretty short, he was only ten minutes away. you wished it was longer, so you could lecture yourself for the decision you made.

You hoped out the car and went inside the boys dormitory. His dorm was on the left wing, so you proceed towards that direction.

Eren shared a dorm with Armin, you hoped he was there just in case a heated argument happened because you had a feelings one would come.

Arriving at the hall where all the rooms were at, you walked down the hall checking the numbers, so you'll know which one was his.

You despise that you remembered it as you stood in front of his door.

You pulled out your phone to shoot him a quick "here" to notify your arrival.

Not too long after, a tall brunette opened the door, he immediately grabbed your wrist and pulled you inside.

The room was dim and dark, other than the dark purple LD lights.

You felt your back make contact with the door behind you, he snaked his free hand around your waist. He pressed his lips against yours, you could feel his impatience as he tilted his head slightly to the side to deepen the kiss.

He pulled away ever so slight and licked the bottom of your lip asking for entrance, so intoxicated by his lust you simply obeyed and parted your mouth slightly. His warm tongue slipping in exploring every inch of your mouth.

You ran your other hand over his black t-shirt trailing up to his neck soon afterwards interlocking your fingers in his brown locks. Although the kiss felt rushed it still made you melt, and gave a small throb down in your area. You slightly tugged on his hair earning you a groan into the heated kiss.

The butterfly’s in your stomach were going on a rampage and your heart was beating out of your chest. He slightly pulled away from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your mouths together.

"...eren," you moaned slightly.

He was looking down at you, you were so stunning beneath him—face already flustered from one kiss. he wanted to here his name once more.

traveling down to your neck, he started showering it with wet kisses, and continued traveling down. He reached your collarbone and gave it a small bite, as the skin turned red, your grip in hair grew tighter. You were a mess, already ready feeling slick in between your legs as you rubbed them together, desperate for any sort of friction.

eren slid his hand upwards from your waist to your shirt, his soft hands grazed your bare skin—rubbing slowly, sending shivers down your spine.

you released another breathy moan as he continued at your neck. Hearing you moan was a blessing to him, he couldn't stop thinking about you ever since your last encounter.

He wanted to defile you, run his hands all over your body, touching placing only he knew he had access to—having your fingers intertwined in his long locks as he heard dumb founded mewls, begging him to stop teasing and give you what you wanted.

He pulled himself away from your neck, leaving you stunned at his sudden stop.

" why'd you st-" you were cut off by the jerk at your arm once again. He was taking you to his room as you trailed behind him, not saying a word.

Reaching his room, he pulled you inside, his lips crashed against yours once more, he kicked the door with his foot and closed it, locking the knob.

Your mind was fuzzy, you felt so heated and felt your pussy clench against nothing. You wanted him so bad, his impatience was rubbing off of you. But you couldn't bring yourself to tear away from his mouth, his lips felt so soft against your own. It made you feel wanted by him again, as if he never ghosted you and needed you this whole time.

Your back touched the soft mattress of his bed as he climbed on top of you, you were going haywire. you gave in to him with no obligation whatsoever and was dominanted in response. you can't say you didn't expect this from the moment he decided to text you.

His hands slithered up your shirt, pushing it up, grabing a hold of your breast through the bra. you smiled at his eagerness to touch you, how long has he been like this? using your elbows to support you, you raised your upper back from the bed as his other hand came around and unhooked your bra.

The butterflies in your stomach wouldn't stop, the warmth from his body felt attonishing against your own. sloppy kisses smothered across your lips, each break releasing a moan from one another, hearing throughout the room.

You laid back down as his hand large hands began fondling with your breast, your nipples were already hard from all the foreplay.

Eren hips started to grind against your pelvis,

"Fuck..." he moaned out, his face was already red, blushing like a dumb teenage virgin.

You break the kiss and sat up to remove your shirt, eren gave you space to do so–moving back a little. You tossed it on the floor, on the otherside of the bed, along with your bra, which was sitting next to you since eren took it off. You knocked you shoes off as well.

You immediately leaned towards eren wrapping your arms around his neck, lips already on his own, making him fall towards your direction—giving you a chance to wrap your legs around his waist. Your back made contact with the mattress once again and you moved your hips, grinding your heated core against his crotch.

"Dammit y/n...fuck, I can't stand this...when you do this to me."

Eren followed the same action as you. Releasing small moans and you both continued to dry hump one another.

You tugged at his shirt, wanting him to take it off. You didn't like it when you were the only bare and he knew this, a small chuckled erupted from his throat as he got on his knees–hands grasping the hem of the shirt, tugging it over his head.

You laid there in awe, he still kept his shape after all these months. You guessed those practices were really paying off. Your hand trailed up his torso, feeling his sculpture chest beneath your palm. His skin was so soft, you drifted your hand back down, passing over his abs.

"You like what you see?" he said smirking down at you.

"Shut up." you spat out.

Eren moved back down to your chest and took a hold of your breast, bringing his mouth to your nipple–while his other hand supported his weight. He gave it a long lick eyes flickering up at you, checking your reaction. His mouth was warm, his heavy breath touching your skin while he decided to play with your nipple.

You released small grunts as his red tongue swirled around your perked bud, closing his mouth then releasing it—leaving kisses and bite marks all around your breast. You were prepared for all the purplish marks you'll in the morning, you prayed you had your ointment at home.

Using his other hand, he slid his hand down your stomach, earning another moan from you. His touch felt so ethereal, this was what your body was craving for all these months.

His hand slid past your joggings, making contact with your cotton underwear. He dipped his fingers between your lips, gathering the slick that was leaking from your heat. His fingers brushed against your clit, as you moaned his name,

"eren—hnng, stop teasing—"

His only response was a smirk as he released his lips from your nipple with a wet pop sound.

"look how wet you are for me, hm? what happened to that attitude that you're so keen of?" his index finger continued to rub against your entrance, your clit getting some friction in the process. His middle finger plunge into your hole, sliding is easily from the lubrication of your wetness as he began pumping his finger in a steady motion, each stroke going deeper and deeper, stretching you out.

"nnghh—fuck eren..." your voice pitched at a higher tone for a moment.

you haven't felt like this is a while, his long digit fitted perfectly into your hole.

"hm? look how tight you pussy has gotten without me, can't wait to feel you around me."

Eren pulled his finger out, using his index to spread open your lips, then gathered some more slick as both fingers went inside.

He was prepping you up for his length, since you haven't had sex in a while. His fingers started to scissor you, both spreading out in your core—stretching you out even more.

Your hand immediately went for his hair and tugged at it with a grunt, eren moaned at your aggressiveness with his brunette locks.

"s-stop...mfhh." another soft mewl escaped your lips.

Eren pulled out his fingers and rested them in your panties.

"Stop?" He knew what you meant, he always does. his eyebrow turned to an arch, waiting an answer.

"m'didn't mean for you...to," you couldn't form a sentence, your mind was so hazy from the heated atmosphere between you two. you wanted his touch again, you hated the feeling of you clenching around nothing.

eren gave your chest a few pecks, then one at your neck close to your jaw.

"use your words, y/n." man, he was enjoying this too well. He missed this part of you so bad, having you a complete mess under his touch.

"I want you inside of me." The last word was spoken in a lower tone, you were embarrassed. Never knew you'll hear those words come from your mouth again.

"Good girl." He bought his fingers up to his mouth as he sucked on them, swirlying his pink tongue around his digits while directly making eye contact with you. Releasing them with another wet pop, he start to work on his joggers.

Moving off of you, he swing his legs to the edge of bed, pullng down his gray sweats as it hits the floor–slides it across the floor. He did the same with his boxers.

You did the same, taking off your bottoms along with your damp panties, placing it over with your other clothing.

erens cock slapped against his abdominal, precum already dripping from the slit of head.

He gave himself a few strokes, groaning loudly as he shifted back to your direction. Settling between your legs, he uses his hand to trace his pink tip between your folds, slipping between your lips constantly—gathering lubrication.

"m'mfgh...stop teasing eren," your chest was heavy with anticipation, you wanted him inside you so bad. His free rest on your bended knee, his fingers drawing circles.

"shhh, y/n—I know." He coos.

Finally, he dipped his cock into your seeping hole as your velvety walls draw him in–not giving him a chance to adjust from tight you were. You both moan in unison, feeling contentment, getting what you guys wanted you at last.

" hnng, you're so tight...shit," erens eye closed shut while he pushed the rest of his length inside you. Even after stretching you out with his fingers, you were still tight and eren enjoyed every second of it.

Once he was in all the way, his cock was a snug fit—he waited for you to adjust so he could move.

Your chest now heaving up and down, you give a little nod—signaling it was okay to move. Drawing his hips back, he slid out of your core completely and immediately thrusted forward entering back to your wet core.

Eren began thrusting into you at a steady pace as his both of his hands grabbed your legs, resting them behind your knee.

You knew it'll be a long night.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

update note: HAHAHA IM BACK GUYS MORE FANFICS. I'm finally on spring break 😭

#x reader #anime #attack on titan #eren headcanons #eren x reader #eren yeager #eren yeager x reader #aot x black reader #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager #eren jeager headcanons #armin x black reader #eren aot #eren yeager smut

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jay-and-dean · 3 years

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Don’t look down, Baby Part 1/3

Dean x reader

Summary : Dean told her to ignore the “thing” between them and to jump in any guy’s arms. Any of them but him.

When we think of a guy our Y/n could be with, longing for Dean, it’s usually a nice dude, a little boring, right ? Because who can compete with Dean ? Now, what if this guy was as badass as Dean ?

Characters : Dean Winchesters, Sam Winchester, Reader, Abraham Hale (OC)

Warnings : Angst, jealous Dean, Smut (unprotected sex -you’re smarter than this !-, oral, also kinda lame sex if it’s a warning), cheating, swearing, smoking, drinking... More warnings in the second part.

Wordcount : 6k (yes, just the part one... now you get why I cut it.)

Note : So for the Aestetic, I used the face of Jax Teller from Sons Of Anarchy, and you have to know, even if Abraham Hale looks like him, he is totally an OC.

This is writen both in Reader and Dean’s Pov. Dean’s thought are in italic.

Text divider by the talented @talesmaniac89

Jay’s Masterlist

September 16, 10:33pm

Dean’s POV

I always thought that when Y/n finds a guy, it would be the perfect douche I wanted for her. Some nice dude named Robert, a cop maybe, or a realtor with a friendly family.

He would annoy me to death with his stories about growing up in a farm, and call her Pumpkin. He would worry a little when she goes out with us because he thinks we drink too much when we’re together.

He would tear her from me and I would hate him for that. She would skip a hunt to meet his parents, another to spend a few days in the cabin he rented… But even if it breaks my heart, it would be exactly what I want for her, so I would let her go.

I had it all planned.

But, of course, she didn’t play by the rules.

And that guy is no Robert…

His loud manly laugh tears me from my thoughts. His tattooed hand wraps around his whiskey glass and I turn my head to that waitress that always gives me warm smiles, she’s staring at him now, with the sweetness that was once for me.

Abe.

Ex-gang member, Abe. Bad guy turned good. Raised by the widow of a gang member, in a violent environment, he already had a criminal record at fourteen, started selling guns before he was officially allowed to drink, ended up in prison at Twenty-two.

Sweet smile Abe. Reformed bad boy with an attitude. Became a hunter after he met a vampire gang and slew them to the last. Now defender of the good citizen, he found his fight, and the hunters talk about him as one of the bests.

Afraid of nothing and ready to fight, charismatic, alpha Abe. His muscular arm in the back of my girl, his long blond hair falling on his face when he lights up a cigarette in a grunt of content while she touches his neck.

Abe. My new nemesis.

“So Dean” he says with his deep voice hoarse from smoking too much. “How did you meet my girl ?”

I met her on a hunt, invited her to my room and took her on that wall. Do you remember, Y/n ? Don’t look down baby, look at me.

“On a hunt.”

“That’s how I met her too” he smiles and kisses her temple. “Seems like we have a lot in common.”

“Looks like we do” I state.

Her eyes darken and she turns her head, I know how to read her, she is pissed, and I don’t even know why. I did nothing, I said nothing, and her rock-and-roll version of prince charming is worshiping her, so what causes that bitterness ?

What is it, baby ? Am I missing something ?

“So I heard your brother and you have this fucking palace ?” he gives me a corner smile, smoke coming out of his nose.

“Who told you that ?” I grunt.

What is the point of a secret bunker if it is as secret as a freaking tweet ?

He chuckles and takes a sip of his whiskey, not answering.

Abe never answers all the questions he is asked, maybe it is some cool thing for guys like him, maybe it is his way of look mysterious or powerful. What is sure is, as annoying as it is, it freaking works. But each time he smirks with his eyes lost in the bottom of his glass in a little huff instead of speaking, I get closer to losing it and smashing his pretty face on the table.

“I told him” she says almost coldly. “Like you did all your friends, Abe is my boyfriend, Dean.”

I nod. What can I say, she’s right after all. She’s always right…

She was right about that cop being the bad guy the first time we hunted together, right about the fact that my so-called bond with Amara would fade the second she gets whatever she wanted. She was right about Jack being a good kid but dangerous enough to need to be watched and educated instead of pushed away. Right about Mary hurting me more than I admitted…

She was right when she said I was wrong. The day I told her we shouldn’t sleep together again, that she should just ignore that thing between us and jump in any guy’s arms. Any of them but me…

I really say that : any of them. I did.

Did you choose Abe just to annoy me, baby ? To prove a point ? You had to bring a guy who would beat me at my own grumpy-loner-badass-crap-drink-too-much game, right ?

“That place sounds sure awesome, because Y/n keeps coming back to it” he states, not letting me know the true meaning he puts in that sentence, his piercing blue eyes free of any emotions on the surface.

“Well it’s home for her” I say, and that bastard chuckles. “Is it funny ?”

“Not at all !” he says with a warm and kind laugh, and a friendly tap on my shoulder. “You should relax Dean, you look like the bar is full of demons !”

I stay stern, I know I should probably look friendly, but I rarely hated someone nice that much.

He gets up and kisses her head before he walks away, his manly way to move catching women’s attention, and some men’s too. One of his hand goes through his blond hair while he walks to the bathroom with the other hand deep in his jeans’ pocket.

“So… Abe, huh ?” I ask, the second he’s gone.

I should be more coherent, I know. I want her gone, but I want her for me. I was sure I was ready to see her with someone else, it’s been three years. Three years ! After we only made love six times. She is not mine, she never was.

And I thought calling her Baby in my head would make me strong. It’s a weird feeling, like I could let her be happy, but still feel special. I would have been the passion of her youth, the one that died young and of which she would think a little when she rocks her baby in her pretty house…

I had somehow romanticized my heartbreak.

But that doesn’t feel romantic at all. And all I can think of is that he is passion too, I’m not dead, and I just have to see him touch her and imagine them at night…

“Yes” she says, still with that bitterness in her voice. “You could make an effort, Dean. He has been nothing but nice, and you act like he’s an enemy.”

“I haven’t decided if he is one yet.”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head in disapproval.

I recognize hurt. My Y/n, when she’s hurt, she gets angry. Always. And I made her angry so often. Her irritation is growing, I can see it in her burning eyes.

“You can’t do that” she says low. “You can’t treat him like that, no one gives you the right.”

“And him ?” I dare asking, staring at her reddened face. “Does he treat you right ?”

Her eyes fills with tears again and her jaw clenches.

“Better than you did, you mean ?” her words feel like a stab in my heart.

Reader’s POV

I didn’t want to say that, it came out by itself.

I’m thin-skinned lately. I feel like I could cry or scream any moment, all the time. My emotions have always been loud, my sensibility overwhelming, but for a few weeks I’m drowning.

The fact that I decided to try to get over Dean Winchester probably caused that.

A long time ago, I thought living with Dean without ever having him would be the worst, then I saw him with other women and was convinced I was mistaking before : the worst was definitely that. How wrong was I ?

The worst is having had him. Not once, but several times, each time a little more intimate. More kisses, more touches, more suspended seconds watching in each other’s eyes… Until we spent that night together, that last night, and he fell asleep against me for the first time.

It was over. It was too much for Dean, and not enough for me.

Dean Winchester can’t belong to anyone, not again. He doesn’t want to be a boyfriend, and he doesn’t want me to be his girl ; who am I to insist ?

“Well, that’s a minimum” he answers in a soft groan after a little while, and my heart breaks because I just did what I swore I would never do : Reproach him for any of it.

“I’m sorry” I sigh, thinking of those weeks after the last night, when I had to hide the worst pain I ever felt because I didn’t want him to feel bad about not wanting me.

I still do... -feel that pain and try to hide- because Abe or not, I still live with Dean and he doesn’t deserve to carry my pain on top of the world on his shoulders.

“Can you at least try ?” I beg, low, seeing my boyfriend getting out of the restroom but stopping next to the door to talk to someone he obviously knows.

“Yes” Dean answers. “I’m just… He’s a hunter and…”

“He’s a good man” I assure him, looking at Abe walking toward us above Dean’s shoulder. “He comes from a dark place, like us, but he is a good man.”

September 21, 08:12pm

“That place is crazy !” Abe says, sitting at the table of the library. “I have never seen anything like this.”

While Sam tells him a little more about the bunker, I look at my boyfriend.

I stare at him, trying to get rid of that uncomfortable impression, that feeling screaming that he doesn’t belong here ; because if he doesn’t belong in the bunker, then he probably just has nothing to do in my life.

A lot of memories cross my mind, like it happens a lot lately.

The memory of entering the bunker for the first time and deeply knowing that, as long as I am welcome here, this would be my home. Because it just feels right and because, even if I’m not the granddaughter of Henri Winchester, he trusted me with this place, as much as he trusted his family. That man actually welcomed me like Mary never really did, like I was just as legit as blood.

At his frank smile, the memory of meeting Abe crosses me too. I was alone in this hunter bar, trying to get information for a case. I hadn’t told Sam and Dean that I would go there, because I know how much uncomfortable the hunter community makes them. And I was introduced to him : Abraham Hale. I found him so beautiful, with his mischievous smile that seemed to mock the entire world, his wheat blond hair and his tattoos. Something felt so safe about him, not because he looked like a bad boy, but because he was light and happy, laughing at everything and taking nothing seriously… All that Dean wasn’t.

I loved his wild energy right away. Abe was like the drums in a rock song, like summer wind. In his arms, I forgot about Dean for a few seconds a day during the first weeks. We spent days sleeping and having sex behind the curtains of that motel room, hiding from summer heat, and nights drinking and listen to rock music...

But now I look at him, his bright blue eyes seem pale next to the deep green looking back, and his beauty is bland.

“Thank you for showing me your home, Treasure” he says, putting a tender hand on my back like he always does.

And my eyes cross Dean’s.

I know what he’s thinking, he’s cringing at the nickname, and that reminds me why I am with Abe : Dean never gave me a nickname, he never called me anything else than my name, he will never and even when others do, he thinks it’s lame and cheesy.

Dean’s POV

That hurt on her face again.

Baby, you can’t look at me like that each time he calls you Treasure . I don’t like it, but you’re supposed to do.

This is much harder than I thought, and I was aware it would be impossible.

Each and every one of his actions makes me face my own contradictions : The more loving he is, the more I want to push him away from her. But the more she seems distant and to have her head in the clouds, the more it eases the pain. Am I selfish enough to hate her happiness even though I love her ?

I was in control, during those three years not touching her, my heart was aching with craving and my soul was screaming at me to make her love me. But as much as the heartbreak was constant, I had chosen it. I was in control.

I never realize that it was only bearable because she was still here, my partner, my best friend, my roommate. Mine.

Now she took it back. She raised her middle finger right in my face and decided she wouldn’t be mine anymore.

And that is a whole new level of pain.

I don’t sleep when she’s not home, and sometimes food just won’t let me eat it. She texts during our movie nights and wears that pendant he gave her. I hate that pendant because it reminds me I never gave her a present. Not once in all those years.

“Another drink ?” Y/n asks him with the bottle in her hand.

“Don’t you drive ?” I cut him before he answers and I see her eyes shoot me with imaginary bullets.

I’m sorry Baby but it’s movie night tonight, can’t he just leave already ?

“He’s right” she says giving me a little hope that she will ask him to leave soon. “You should stay for the night.”

My breathing gets stuck in my lungs.

No Baby, don’t do that to me. Please.

“With pleasure !” he smiles.

September 21, 11:49pm

Reader’s Pov

He grabs my thigh to lift it a little and grunt in my ear. His kisses are hot on my neck, his heavy body moving cautiously on top of me.

My eyes are on the ceiling, my hands on his sweaty muscular back and I wait.

Damn, what is happening ? He’s close, I am going to fake it ? I swore I would never fake, I swore if the guy can’t get me there, he should know, but… Abe is not the problem, I am.

I just watch the ceiling wondering what is wrong with me. He did everything right, nice foreplays and those love words he always has for me. But nothing seems to turn me on anymore, and without the need and the pleasure, his thrusts are just uncomfortable and I feel weird.

Come already.

I sigh. I know what is making this impossible. Dean. This fucker is the last I had in my own bed, the only one in fact. And everything reminds me that Abe is not Dean fucking Winchester !

“You okay Treasure ?” he pants in my ear, nibbling at it.

I’m not a freaking snack, what is it with his mouth and teeth always ?

“Yes” I fake a moan. “I’m close Abe, come.”

Just don’t be loud, that would be so awkward.

When he loses rhythm, I close my eyes at the relief, it won’t be long now, make it stop. He shakes a little and grunt loud, filling the condom inside of me ; and, to make my fake moans credible, I clench my walls around him one time or two, rolling my eyes at his proud groan.

Sex with Abe used to be so much more than this. I'm getting frustrated. Did I break something in me ? Why can't I enjoy anything anymore ?

He rolls on my side, panting, and smiles tenderly at me. He’s beautiful, I have to admit that, and he’s nice and loving.

“You’re amazing” he hums. “I guess I can’t smoke in your bedroom ?”

“I don’t mind” I answer sincerely. “The air co is magical, just, don’t smoke more than one.”

He sits on the bed to get his pants, his beautiful tattooed back on me. The smoke flies in pretty wreath. I put my hand on the lion tattooed on his back. It suits him, with his solar attitude and his confidence, his beautiful blond hair…

Yet I keep longing for my wolf.

Dean’s Pov

Now I know I could kill him. And now I know what the limit amount of pain I can take is.

I pace my room like a crazy man. He is taking her, my Baby. He is sinking inside of her and stealing pleasure. Does she wrap her legs around him like she always did with me ? To push me deeper. Is she as responsive ? As lost in pleasure as she was ? With that way only she has too beg for more with her entire body, voice strangled and arms caging me the best she can…

Is she…

“F-fuck…” I whine, holding my heart.

I think I just felt it break.

Baby…

Breathing is painful now, I feel like I’m drowning.

Baby… Why did you have to do that to me ? I know I hurt you but your revenge is unbearable.

I sit on my bed, still holding my chest.

I can’t take it, you know.

“Shit” I grunt.

How can this kind of familiar panic attack be back ? How can this hurt so much ? It’s not Hell, it’s not Purgatory…

“It is Hell” I say out loud.

Loosing you, Baby. It’s Hell. Do you love him ? Because…

“Fuck, I love her” I whine.

September 28, 06:05pm

Sitting in my “Fortress of Deanitude”, I wait. The tray with snacks is there, beers too, and Netflix is ready for our next episode of Stanger Things.

But there is a big chance she won’t come. Our movie nights are getting rarer and rarer, like our time together in general. And this place is slowly becoming a Fortress of Solitude…

You never know how much you need something until you lost it, right ? I was stupid enough to think I could be stronger than the need for her and now look at me, alone in that big empty room in a bigger emptier bunker.

All I can think of is how much each day pulls her closer to him and further from me. They are building memories in which I’m not, they are building an intimacy that I lost three years ago. She will forget me and he will have her, maybe even make her change a little, until one day she is among those people who talk about their personal tastes by saying “we”. “We prefer red wine”.

Ew.

Is he going to change my girl, for real ? Make her love Led Zeppelin a little less, make her a little less her, make her want other things, another life, need me less ? Our things will become unimportant and be replaced by all kind of other things I have no idea about.

I take a long sip of my glass. It’s not like I had my word to say anyway. I lost her. I lost her in the worst way possible : willingly.

But just when I’m about to get up and go put the snacks away, she opens the door, panting a little, like she had ran.

“Dean” she says entering the room. “I’m sorry. There was an accident on the road and the traffic was disturbed.”

You were at his place, Baby, and you ran to me ?

A little smile lights up my face when her presence revive my heart.

“It’s okay” I say.

“I’m late, but I have…” she takes her hand out of her purse. “Giant skittles !”

“You found them ?” I smile, sitting straighter when she hands me a bag.

Our things are not all gone. And she still cares about me and about our time together.

“Yup ! I made Abe stop in every shop yesterday.”

So you think of me when you’re with him, Baby ? Have you ever thought of me while he was inside of you ?

“Sit” I pat the armchair next to mine. “Let’s find out if Dusty’s girlfriend exists !”

“I really hope !” she exclaims, taking off her jacket.

I try not to look at her, but when she quickly takes off her jeans to slip in her pajamas pants, I swallow hard. Those thighs could have been for me, and I could have watched the show while holding her.

She sits with her knees up against her chest in the big chair next to me, and takes a beer. My eyes are glued to her, looking for anything unusual, and fearing it more than anything in the same time.

“What ?” she calls me out of my thoughts.

“Nothing, I…” have no idea how to finish this sentence.

“I’m still okay you know ?” she says without looking at me, playing with the label of her beer bottle. “You always stare at me like something had happened to me. I know what you think of Abraham, but he doesn’t treat me bad.”

Reader’s Pov

“I’m sorry” he sighs. “You know how protective I can get. Especially with you…”

A chuckle escapes me and I know he doesn’t like it, but protective with me ? He broke my heart. He ripped it and threw it on the floor because I had said those words.

“Yeah…” I nod, nibbling at my lip. “You won’t find bruises on me.”

He doesn’t answer.

When did we become like this ?

After a silence, he hands me candies and presses play. But, chewing on sugar and my eyes on the screen, I keep my full attention on him.

I have everything any girl would want : A lover with hot blood, beauty and a heart of gold. But I'm not any girl, and the only thing I want is Dean Winchester. The genius who thinks he's dumb, the scared little boy who lost his mom, the leader, the victim of his fate, the killer, the loyal friend, the rebel, the torturer, the perfect brother, the wary hunter, the crappy dancer ; grumpy Dean, childish Dean, stubborn Dean, all of Dean...

I look at him and my eyes travel down his neck, his beard is fighting to grow back there but I know he won't let it. The slow movements of his chest are mesmerizing. My eyes go down, to his thighs and crotch...

I really shouldn't let myself look there but his smell and aura are like a mermaid song and I'm drowning. His strength is radiating of him and I feel myself respond to it in everyone of my heartbeats.

He could make me scream. He always did, so easily. Dean made me cry of pleasure more than once, sometimes without any effort, the brushes of his fingers, the burning of his kisses... And when he finally buried himself inside of me, it was like a firework in Heaven. He never had to do anything really special...

And now I wonder : Is something broken about me ? Abe is passionate and loving, we used to work great, he was easy as whiskey. And he loves me. Why am I unable to enjoy any of it lately ?

My eyes trace the bump in Dean’s pants and I remember the simple ecstasy of feeling his cock twitch for me. Dean... I bite my lip to hold back the moan hanging on my tongue. His thigh moves a little, strong muscles hidden in his jeans, and I think of his stomach contracting that time he came on my tongue. I…

“I see you” his deep serious voice hits the air like thunder.

I look up to meet his eyes and realize I have been staring at his crotch, licking my lips and probably visibly holding back moans.

“Do you need something ?” he asks with a proud aura on his face.

I want to punch that expression off of his perfect features.

I look down and sigh. Yes, I do. I need him, not only want like I would like to think, but need indeed. I need him to feel my body, to make it alive, and to hear my soul breathe again.

“Dean…” I just say.

Like it was an answer or reproach but of course, he hears it for what it is.

A call.

So he gets up, suddenly so tall that he eclipses the TV, the light and my will. He comes in front of me, standing there, making me look up timidly through my lashes. His strong hand lands cautiously on my cheek, gently holding my face while I lean on his touch.

I can resist him. I can.

I think of Abe's sweet smile, of his deep voice and his arms around me. I think of this night he told me about jail and I tried all I could to make him feel safe again, that was a beautiful moment... We are something beautiful Abe and me. We are going to make it right, to make it count. Right ?

As my heart fights itself, playing all the love songs I know at once in my head in a deafening dim of emotions, my eyes fill with tears. I know what is going to happen, and the cruel god writing my story can stop there, the end is already obvious.

I can't resist Dean. I just can't.

And Abe will cry, right ? He trusts me. He will take his bag and yell maybe, the sun inside of him will get clouded, he will drive away. Then I will let my body slide on the door frame, unable to hold my weight up, because I will have broken the only man that ever truly loved me.

I look down to hide the pain from Dean, but he knows me better.

"I can leave" he says.

But it's the last thing I want because I miss him, I miss him like a part of me died years ago and I still feel empty and cold... I miss him when I'm alone, and even more when I'm not.

When he's about to move, take a step back to leave me alone, I grab his belt and hold him in place firmly. I have no plan, no solid thought, but I know I can't be away from him for now. He smells both like the most familiar home and the wildest dream.

My other hand grazes the fabric of his jeans on his thigh, I close my eyes for a second and a little whimper escapes me. I started touching Dean less than a day after meeting him, and it seems I can't be around him without having my hands on his body.

He hums, staring down at me, bow legs slightly parted like he needed balance, like he was gripping the floor for both of us. Dean had always been my anchor. His shoulders look wider from down here and I want nothing more than letting my hands grab his butt to rub my cheek on his crotch like a cat marking its territory.

"Touch me like you need it, Baby" he murmurs and a little sob escapes me unexpectedly.

He never ever called me Baby.

He never gave me any nickname like he never gave me the place I thought I could take in his heart. And Abe, he calls me Treasure. He welcomed me in his heart...

"What's wrong ?" Dean asks like he didn't know.

Dean Winchester is the world's greatest hero, saved basically everyone's life without any reward, and for this he is a saint ; and still, he's the one that is going to be the end of me. Hero or not, he's my villain.

"Everything is wrong, Dean" I answer in a broken voice. "Everything."

He squats in front of me and my hand panics at losing my grip on his belt so it grasps his flannel like my life depends on it.

"Not everything" he whispers, bending to let his poisonous lips graze my skin.

My treacherous mouth opens in reflex at the proximity of his, making him respond by biting my lower lip. I whimper again and pull him closer.

"I got you" he states, letting his burning lips trace down my chin and my neck followed by his thumb, scratching my skin with his short nail. And I catch fire.

I let my head falls back and I surrender totally.

That's how bad he is for me : I could let him break my heart again without an hesitation, after it took me years to recover just enough to just function. And oh, I will. I will shatter the heart of the man that trusts me just to let Dean selfishly remind me how much I love him.

His breath is burning my skin, spreading in the fabric of my t-shirt when he buries his face on my chest, opening his mouth wide to pretend to bite my breast, hand cupping my sides like he had missed me for real. I let go of the plaid fabric to grip the short strand of his hair like I can.

"Dean..." the moan I have been holding comes out, filling the room with sin and the echo of future lies.

"I got you" he repeats.

His hungry hands seize my jeans and tear it open, fighting the metallic button's resistance brutally. The fabric hurts my lower back in a last resistance but is ripped off of me the second after, taking my panties in its way.

And before I can sit straighter now that I'm on the edge of the chair, before I can talk, think or breath. Dean's anaconda arms grab my thighs firmly and his burning breath is on my folds.

"Wh-" I start but what can I say now.

He kisses my folds like no men ever did : like he was in love with that part of me. An open mouth kiss, tongue eagerly lapping my juice from my entrance to my clit.

"AH !" I scream, arching my back but Dean doesn't take a second to breathe, burying his face on me.

I squirm, licking my lips like I was kissing him back but the place he is devouring can only respond with throbs and getting soaked, which is does.

I'm panting, I'm being eaten by the flames of that indescribable pleasure that is back. My stomach is shaking, my temples are beating so loud. I suck a breath when he sucks at my clit, moist hand gripping the leather of the chair.

"Dean" I moan again in the subdued light of the warm room.

He answers with a hum, and his nimble tongue pushes at my entrance, making my thighs shake violently in the vise grip of his arms.

I can't escape what Dean does to me so I let go.

My whole body falls backward when I come, harder than I have in years, holding his hair so tight it might hurt him, legs shaken by electricity, back arching and chest fighting itself to breath. My sensible clit seems to have nerves in my whole body and I fall silent, covered in sweat, suffocated by a forbidden crushing orgasm.

I whimper desperately, limp and lost, panting in the chair like I didn't realize yet what just hit me. But Dean knows what he's doing, he knows where this goes.

He opens his jeans, I can feel it even though I don't see him, my head still back, moaning at the caresses of his tongue on my neck. I bite my lip hard, hand moving from the arm of the chair to his, to feel his eagerness.

And he grabs my thighs harshly, making me fall on the floor with him and holds my back when I can't, keeping me against him.

"So wrong..." I whisper in a dying echo of my disgrace.

His hand grasps my face firmly and makes me look at him. His eyes have this fire in them, he clenches his jaw when I roll my lips a little, wetting his craved cock on me, dying of being finally filled by him.

"Keep your eyes on me" he groans, grabbing his length to guide it at my throbbing entrance.

"Dean..." I moan, fingers reaching his stomach under his clothes to feel it tremble.

"Eyes on me baby" he repeats low.

Dean's Pov

She can't think of him. Not now. I need her with me, I need her for me.

Feel me, baby.

I smile slightly when she dives her unfocused pupils in my eyes. She's perfect and I love her ; but I must say when she seems to surrender so completely to my touch, that's when forgot why I asked her to stay away.

When I enter her, her phone lights up once again in her back, on the floor. I groan loud as she wraps me like only she can, like she was trying to suck me inside her core. She's shaking, she's fighting to keep her eyes on me and I'm fighting that urge to grab her phone and shatter it in a million pieces against the wall.

She gasps, her body threatening to fall back so I hold her.

That's it baby, stay with me, feel me, let me take you like I used to when you were mine.

My hand fists her hair and my mouth gets attracted to her pulse point so I bend to suck at it, barely thrusting for now, just enjoying to be inside of her, feeling her pulsating with desire, the concrete hard floor digging in my knees.

Her arms wrap around me, she cling to me and I try to ignore my jealousy shouting at me.

Baby, you try to ignore me but can he do that to you ? Can he turn you into a purring cat like that ?

"Dean" she moans, clenching around me, her thighs trying to get herself even closer so she takes me impossibly deeper.

"Say you want me" I murmur against her skin in a voice I barely recognize.

"I want you" she gives in, exhaling in my ear.

Behind her, her phone lights up one more time with a text : "I found us a case in California, Treasure."

=> PART 2

FEEDBACK IS GOLD

Tags : @parinarain @mogaruke @masterof-agony @rainflowermoon @tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @roonyxx @thefaithfulwriter @vicariouslythruspn @emeow1496 @daryldixonandfrogs @holylulusworld @cocklesbelli @sandlee44 @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx @stormchasingchick32 @akshi8278 @magssteenkamp @sister-winchesters99 @neii3n @lyss-dw79 @im-a-shrub @sadwaywardkid@hopelesslydevotedtoyou1912 @slyqueenj @i-love-superhero @waywardsisterandpie @sunsetsandbooks @mrspeacem1nusone @stylesismyhubs @deanwanddamons @jawritter @peridottea91 @chelsea072498 @chocolateheart @vicmc624 @teresa-67 @jessie-michael @doctor-hp-mcu @hawkerz12 @mariaenchanted @hobby27

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serenheist · 3 years

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What Jennie is like in a relationship/ Relationship with G-Dragon Tarot reading

I know the anon asked for just a love life reading on Jennie but I’m extra and did everything lmao

What is the true nature of Jennie’s relationship with gdragon? Gloominous doom reversed 56, ace of swords, the hanged man reversed, lady of masks, triumph of lies, the glanconer 62 reversed

Oh god lmao. I don’t know why but I get the feeling this “relationship” is just for GD to be back on good terms with the korean general public. He got flack for smoking weed before, seungri shit, abandoning his dog, dating kiko etc etc. I really feel like him dating Jennie is just so the public has a better opinion of him when he decides to have a comeback lmao. Anyway the true nature of this relationship is literally someone full of extreme self pity had an idea to do this because it will make them look better and vice versa. But now there’s a feeling of being trapped. I really think this is an orchestrated relationship that was rushed and not based on actual love but for a specific purpose. But I do think it’s legit in the sense that it’s not that they’re not dating at all. But since Yg didn’t deny anything we can tell it’s “real”. Yg always denies if it’s definitely not a real relationship and always stays vague when it’s real. It’s made to look real for the public to get them talking but the core itself isn’t real. Basically pr shit. idc even if they got married none of this is real lmao.

I pulled 2 more cards from 2 different decks for extra clarification and I got the lady of masks and triumph of lies. You can’t make this up lol. “She reshapes the physical appearance of the souls who seek her out but this change is pure vanity, changing nothing of who they are at the core” it basically reflects who you want to be. This relationship is to make both parties look better lol. I feel that this is also a double meaning geared towards Jennie only because later cards in this reading continuously mention her wearing a mask. Triumph of lies is about keeping up appearances. This relationship is about living up to the expectations that society wants from you. I feel like it’s not just what people in the company want but also could be friends and family who put pressure on making this relationship happen for both. I can really see that since GD has a past of dating mostly models and the public has always been negative about everyone he’s dated except Jennie since she has a better reputation and for her this relationship can boost her status even more dating the king of kpop and being a power couple. I pulled a last card just to ask why you would need to fake a whole relationship even though we already know at this point and it’s redundant but I wanted to see how many times I can get cards saying the same shit. The glanconer 62 reversed: basically AGAIN someone is pretending to be other than they really are. I think both of them even believe in their own lie at this point and idk there’s a level of thinking you’re better than others so it’s okay to fool them anyway. Whatever makes you look good.

Who is Jennie in this/ her shadow aspect: obsession 3, gd: today for tomorrow 32

Since the beginning cards were pretty negative I wanted to dive deeper into Jennie and GD’s shadow aspects. And just use these cards to differentiate between them. GD is today for tomorrow and for Jennie I got obsession. The biggest shadow aspect to Jennie is that she feels as if she needs something whether that be a person, an idea, an object etc to give meaning to her life. She can also become really fixated on things to the point where that is the entire focal point of her life. It numbs her attention to other things.

How does Jennie feel about gd and how does he feel about her? Solus 13, the high priestess, the hierophant, gd: the guardian at the gate 3, queen of wands reversed, the fool

Jennie: Jennie feels that GD is someone who when you don’t know who to turn to or what to do, he is the person who can help you out. He encourages you stand on your own feet and utilize your own wisdom. But he also recognizes that you can’t do everything on your own so he helps you make the right connections with the right people and basically like a mentor position. I feel like they both almost see this connection as something “divine” at least in the beginning they could’ve convinced themselves this was this big divine intervention. But the reality started to set in and Jennie saw a different side of someone who has lost touch and went from being someone to look up to to becoming more “corrupted”. He no longer practices what he preaches, there’s lies mixed in with truth and the lines between right and wrong became more blurred. He does what he can to stay in power.

GD: He feels that Jennie is a new opportunity for a huge change. She’ll help provide an opportunity for him to make a big shift in his life. But at the same time he feels like she’s guarding herself and not being authentic with him. “Wearing masks that do not fit you”. I think he’s seen her change moods often from not figuring out how to release her passion and creativity in a healthy way and become more jealous and wanting to tear down others when she’s feeling down. Cause the queen of wands would be stepping in your power not hiding behind anything and appearing exactly how you are. Reversed it can bring out bring dramatic and feeling out of control of your own life and lack of enthusiasm. I think he’s seen her lose her passion for even being in the industry itself. I think that’s he’s wanting to take a leap of faith into something new I don’t know if he would want to stay in this “relationship” but I’m seeing it more of him going off on his own and stop worrying about the fear of the unknown. Honestly both seem like a hot mess for each other there’s a lot of work they gotta do on themselves separately because this whole connection is weird and toxic.

How long does it take her to get into a relationship? Does she prefer long or short term relationships? Princess of pentacles, 3 of swords, queen of swords 5 of wands reversed, 2 of wands, temperance reversed

She’s always been observant and was careful before in the beginning of relationships but no amount of carefulness can’t prevent heartbreak. It kind of hardened her and she learned how to play the game so to speak. The fact that the queen of swords is holding a severed head tells you all you need to know what happens if you break her heart. She seems burnout with relationships but at the same time can’t stop herself from not being in one because then you’ll be alone with your demons. I think she does prefer long term relationships but Jennie seems to go from one extreme to another. She plans for the long term but she also can’t control her emotions because they’re so intense. She’ll sabotage it and rush into a relationship with someone because she’s already planning this whole future and the other person is like “uhhh we just met..?” I think she builds up a fantasy in her head and gets carried away at times. And that’s where a lot of conflict and arguments arise and the cycle continues.

Past and present relationships. past: firgun 10 magick of you oracle, 2 of pentacles, Present: Euphoria 9, 5 of cups

I hate this word but I feel like in her past relationships she felt like the person she was with was her “twin flame”. This person was her mirror basically, every little thing she was and did was mirrored back to her. It was about learning how to heal the anger and hurt and learn to be happy for others success. But the relationship itself was a constant act of balancing career and love and all the ups and downs. It seems like even in her present love life she is still lingering over past relationships and now hides her actual feelings. There’s a lot of mask imagery in this whole reading. And not seeing everything you already have but being consumed with the thoughts of what went wrong or why it isn’t this way. And no longer sharing your true self fully. Instead there’s an element of not her not taking care of herself physically. Sharing herself intimately with people who treat her like garbage, poor eating, dragging yourself through workouts, excess of toxic substances; these are examples.

What is she like in a relationship? Eternal servitor, 10 of pentacles reversed, the lady of the harvest 18 reversed, the singer of intuition 7

This imagery of a person with no face and a whole in its chest really stands out to me again. It seems that when Jennie is in a relationship she still hides her true self and is constantly on a never ending search to fill something in herself that she feels is lacking. I think she uses money, clothing, love itself as a way to distract herself from this emptiness she feels inside and each time she wants more and more. Like she has to upgrade to the next biggest thing and it traps her in an infinite loop of never being satisfied. Idk but I guess it’s her wanting the world to see her importance; if she has these things then she is now worthy and it gives her a feeling of purpose. It’s not just the pressure of herself needing the best “thing” but a loooot of pressure from family and others to find a “suitable” partner. They need to come from the right background, make this amount of money, etc so her family can show off how wonderful this partner is and how amazing Jennie is doing. Even the next card “the lady of the harvest” reversed speaks of this again. It’s crazy how almost all of the cards are just saying the same thing. It’s about staying in denial and refusing to accept a loss and cling onto pain instead. Jennie is the type of person who thinks “if I can’t have it, no one will”. When she sees something she wants and can’t get it she will go into destruction mode because she feels that it’s the only solution. She’s not a forgive and forget person. A line in this guidebook really stands out to me “if you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it.” Pretty much sums up her mentality. Even if she enters a new relationship her mind is consumed by the past and the present relationship is only to save face and show off the image she tries to create to please literally everyone except herself. I think she’s very perceptive and can know someone who she’s with inside and out. She’s also very aware of the image she needs to uphold. There’s pretty much nothing you can hide from her because her intuition is so strong.

What is her "type"? the piper 24, 8 of wands reversed, Ta’Om the poet 29, Arthur

Let’s get the obvious out of the way: she likes musicians. Also the fact that this is legit the only faerie in this 66 card deck playing an instrument so what are the odds. She appreciates someone who pays attention to the subtle expressions of feelings and ideas and can see into her soul basically. It’s communication without words and that makes music that can heal your sorrows and pains. Someone that listens to not just surface level words but to the deeper meaning that can only be heard with your heart. Seductive, someone who looks serious but is actually mischievous and fun.

He encourages you to unfold your wings and fly, do the things you’re afraid to do, stop being silent and speak up, have a youthful spirit and do the thing you’ve been putting off for so long. He has a lust for life, adventure, an excellent storyteller and writing skills and a huge imagination. He has the power to inspire action with just his words. He sees things as they really are and sees beauty in all things even in the darkness and difficulty of life. He doesn’t take life so seriously though he knows how to laugh at himself and knows how silly it is to be sad over hardships in life. He doesn’t care for society’s expectations he’s a free spirit. But at the same time he slows down and knows how to enjoy the journey and not rush by the seat of his pants. He’s someone that’ll stand the test of time and be by her side through thick and thin.

What is her love language? Myk the myomancer 42, the oak men 47, 10 of wands

Idk if this really fits into any of the “official”love languages but her love language is someone seeing the small details, seeing meaning in the little things. So maybe little gifts even that don’t have to be huge but just shows that you’ve paid attention to what she likes as long as it has meaning and is well thought out. When you can’t see the finish line and it looks like it’s impossible to keep going that person is there to have your back. Also someone that sees her for who she truly is in her heart and can look past the superficial hard exterior cause I’m pretty sure it’s just a defense mechanism mixed with the environment she grew up and past relationships and she’s not actually the Antichrist contrary to how negative this reading may seem.

Probably typos but whateves

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cacoetheswriting · 3 years

Text

champagne problems, ch.10

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else.

Chapter Ten: Feels Like We Only Go Backwards: A choice is made. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading. Word Count: 2.4k Warnings: swearing, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, jealousy, talk of breakup/s, serious serious angst, disclaimer [& spoiler warning], this chapter is not a happy one. this whole series is a real slow burn.

series masterlist

A/N: as always, thank you for all the love you’re giving this story. we have about six chapters left to the end and words cannot describe how grateful i am to you for sticking with me and my rambling writing. ENJOY !

A significant weight was lifted off Spencer’s shoulders the second he told you how he truly felt about you. Actually, it was more the second you said you loved him back.

Even though the two of you distanced yourselves from one another, giving you the space to really think about your future and who you wanted to spend it with, the week that followed the admissions was considerably good.

Yes, the brunette doctor continued to feel uneasy about the situation he put you in. Uneasy about the choice you eventually would have to make. However, as days went by he noticed it didn't seem to bother you. No. You were oddly chirpy and cheerful. Spencer couldn't help but feel like it was because of him.

Like your choice was already made, and that choice was him.

“Do you have plans tonight?” You asked in a hushed tone, slyly glancing around the bullpen to ensure no-one else was paying attention to you and the doctor.

Spencer shook his head. “Not entirely, no.”

Your lips curled into a smile at his response. “So you wouldn’t mind if I came over?” You asked, gently tapping your fingers in a walking motion against his desk. They stopped next to his hand - you could feel it was there, yet you didn't move your fingers further in fear of someone seeing. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Spencer mouth twitched into a pleasant smirk. He should have been nervous, what if you were going to break the news you were choosing Ethan? He should have been anxious, the thought of losing you all over again, he couldn't imagine how awful that would feel. Yet he didn't feel any of those things.

Judging by your relaxed body language. Your hand just aching to touch his. The way your eyes glistened looking at him. Your elated tone as you spoke. It didn't take a genius, a profiler, or even someone that knew you as well as him, to say these were all indicators whatever you wanted to talk to him about was happy.

“Of course.” He cleared his throat. “What time do you think-”

“I’ll let you know, okay? I know you like to switch off for the weekend so keep your phone on you for me.” You traced a finger against his knuckle and with one last smile, ambled elegantly towards the exit.

Yes - Spencer deducted - whatever you wanted to tell him was going to be good news.

A knock on the door grabbed Spencer’s attention. He quickly examined the place one last time, to ensure everything was clean and, well, perfect for you.

Satisfied, he eagerly crossed his living room and without thinking twice, expecting to see you on the other side of the door, he opened it.

“Hey Spencer.”

But it wasn’t you. It was the last person he ever expected to see.

“E-Ethan, what ehm, what are you doing here?” Spencer asked.

Ethan smirked at the question, slowly sliding his hands into the pockets of his coat. “We need to talk, don’t you think?”

Spencer swallowed, but before he got a chance to reply the surgeon continued. “Actually, I’ll talk and you can listen. Also don’t bother inviting me inside because I’ll keep this brief and to the point.”

Your fiancé cleared his throat. “Imagine my surprise when I found out my wife-to-be still has feelings for her ex boyfriend. Did you know she is actually on her way here to tell you she’s choosing you? Yeah... Now, she doesn't know that I know. Her plan is to inform me tomorrow, after my shift at the hospital, that the wedding is no longer happening and our relationship is over.” He paused, almost as if he was daring Spencer to interrupt him at any moment and defend your honour.

Which in hindsight is something Spencer should have done.

“So here’s how this is going to do, doctor.” He slurred. “When she comes here, you're going to turn her down. You've broken her heart once before, I’m pretty sure you know how to do it again.”

Spencer stepped forward and opened his mouth to protest, but the surgeon impolitely cut him off. “Look, you’re a smart guy. Some sort of genius, right? I think deep down you know Y/N is better off with me. I can provide for her in ways you can't even comprehend. I am going to give her a life you can only dream of Spencer.”

“I think you’re forgetting it’s not all about the money.” Spencer stated coldly. His eyes narrowing. Jaw clenching.

Ethan chuckled callously. “Of course not. But I think you need to consider how much disposable income can improve life. I have the ability to ensure we buy our dream home. I have the ability to invest in a second home for her father, and move him somewhere closer to us. With me, Y/N will be able to quit her job and no longer risk her life on a daily basis. She will be able to spend time with our future kids, in a beautiful home, completely care free.”

He let out a deep sigh. “Did she even tell you she’s been thinking about transferring out of the BAU? She doesn't want to be a profiler anymore. Fuck man, she doesn't even know if she wants to be a SSA anymore. The only reason she’s sticking around is you.”

The statement caught Spencer completely off guard. Ethan had to be bluffing, right? He would say anything to ensure you stayed with him, right?

“You’re lying.” Spencer grumbled through his teeth.

Ethan smirked in response. “I’m really not though. Ask anyone. Her dad, it was actually he who suggested it in the first place. Or your friend Penelope, she seems to think it’s a good idea.”

Spencer’s world was crumbling down around him and he was helpless to stop it. Why didn't you tell him this was on your mind? Why did you keep this a secret? And how did he not see any inclination of this before?

“Like I said, you’re a smart guy Spencer.” Ethan stated. “I think you know what the right thing to do is.” And with that, he walked away leaving the brunette agent alone with his thoughts.

Slowly, Spencer closed the door. He turned on his heel and leaned against it while letting out a long winded breath, one he didn't even realise he was holding.

He never wanted to stand in the way of your plans. He didn't want to be the one holding you back from anything. Was his ever growing love for you clouding his judgement?

He closed his eyes, resting against the door behind him. The guilt he was now feeling riddled him from head to toe. And mixed with the guilt was a faint feeling of anger. Anger directed at the man that dared to get between your relationship with the brunette agent.

Ethan, a name of Hebrew origin that means firm, enduring and strong. A good name for good people.

Spencer knew off many Ethan’s in his lifetime. His college friend, an old colleagues son - all people that definitely lived up to the meaning. Yet your fiancé was anything but.

This Ethan was arrogant, rude, possessive. In Spencer’s mind, this Ethan was quite literally the physical embodiment of the curse word dick.

He never truly understood what you saw in the guy. He always thought you could do a lot better. Even if it wasn’t Spencer himself, there are men out there a lot kinder than Ethan.

And yet, despite all of the resentment he felt towards the man, Spencer couldn't help but feel like there was some truth to what he had said. The hazel-eyed man started doubting himself. Doubting whether he really had your best intention at heart, or whether his own selfishness was preventing him from making sure you’re living your best life.

This was supposed to be a happy day. A happy evening.

It certainly started out that way. You were on your way here to tell him you were choosing him. You were choosing to spend the rest of your life with him.

Spencer felt sick to his stomach. Dizzy. He was sure if he opened his eyes even just for a second he would collapse. He also knew the only rational thing, the right thing to do will only make him feel worse.

The brunette agent wasn’t entirely sure how long he stood frozen like that. His breathing shallow. Heart sinking, heavy.

A knock on the door behind his back caused him to slowly open his eyes, yet he didn't move an inch. He simply couldn't. He couldn't bare to face you. He couldn't bare to look you in the eye and break your heart for a second time.

Instead, he chose the childish way out. He hoped if he was still enough, quiet enough, you would think he wasn’t home and leave. It is a conversation that cannot be avoided, but it would be a conversation for another day.

You knocked again, using a little more strength this time.

Spencer held his breath. Tears began to form in his eyes. Salty droplets that if he let escape, he knew they wouldn't stop falling.

He heard faint shuffling outside and for a split second he thought you gave up and walked away. For a split second he thought he bought himself more time. More time with the fantasy that the two of you would get your happy ending together. Foolish, he thought.

It was in that moment the mobile device in the back pocket off his pants started to buzz, vibrating against the door. The phone you asked he kept close to him earlier that day. The sound of the ringtone followed soon after completely giving away Spencer’s current location.

“Spencer?” The sweet sound of your voice coming through the wooden barrier between you caused the tears he was fighting to slowly trail down his face. The device stopped ringing. “I know you’re in there. Can you let me in?” You said, so blissfully unaware of what was about to happen.

Spencer turned around and pressed his forehead against the painted wood. His hand travelled to the door knob, yet he still didn't move any further. “I-I... I c-can’t...” He managed to blurt out.

“What do you mean you can’t?” He heard you ask, the hint of confusion in your tone aching his heart further. “Spencer, what’s going on?”

The brunette doctor licked his lips and swallowed, tasting the saltiness of his own tears. “Y-you should go Y/N.” He uttered.

“Go? Spencer, you’re not making any sense.” You responded, the door knob rattling under Spencer’s fingers. “Please let me in. I’m not going to say what I want to say through a door.”

“Don’t s-say it at all. You should be with E-Ethan. Your future will be brighter with him.”

Silence. Unbearably heartbreaking silence.

At first you thought your ears were playing tricks on you. There was no way he just said that, right? A week after he told you he loved you. A week after he said he'll always wait for you. A week after he proposed. There was no way he changed his mind.

And then you thought of his time in prison. More specifically the day you went to visit him for the last time. The day you wanted to propose. The day he broke your heart.

He used those exact words - “Your future will be brighter without me.”

Slowly, you placed the palm of your hand on the door between you and took in a deep breath. Your eyes glossed over as the confusion rushing through you evolved into sadness.

Spencer could pinpoint the exact moment the air changed around him. It was suddenly tense. Broken. He felt like a coward. Even if he had your best interest at heart, he should still be able to face you and explain his side in person. Tell you that Ethan came by. Tell you everything that was said. Ask about your plans to leave the BAU. Ask whether he really was the only reason you haven't resigned yet. But he couldn't formulate the words. He simply gave up. A coward.

“Spencer, I-I don’t understand...” You sobbed. “I-I thought-t you loved me.”

“I love you more than anything in this world Y/N.” He quickly replied, the palm of his hand now pressed against the wood. Unbeknown to him, against the exact same spot on the opposite side of the barrier was your hand. So close yet so far.

“Then let me in. Please. I-I came here to say I choose you. I want to be with you Spencer. Please... Please let me in.” You cried through the door. Spencer could hear the pain behind your words, the sorrow. It really took all the strength he had not to let you in.

“I’m sorry Y/N.”

Your hands trembling uncontrollably against the barrier between you and the man of your dreams.

His sudden change of heart left you completely speechless. His words like tiny daggers stabbing directly into your bleeding heart. How did this happen? What changed between now and this morning? What changed between now and last week? You had so many questions. Ones that you feared would remain unanswered.

Additionally, your gut was telling you there was more to this than he was letting on. That it wasn’t as simple as ‘Ethan is the better man for you’ because you knew Spencer didn't believe that. But you couldn't find the strength within to argue with him.

“If-f that’s w-what you want Spencer, I’ll leave-e.”

It was the last thing he heard before the sound of your footsteps ushering away.

After a minute, the hazel-eyed agent moved to the couch and sunk into the material. Every fibre of his being was currently aching. He hoped he did the right thing, although the voice at the back of his mind said no. What else was he supposed to do? He knew Ethan wouldn't just give up. Was Spencer prepared to fight for you? If tonight was any inclination the answer would also be no.

Spencer’s gaze locked onto the small box in the middle of his coffee table.

It was a considerably good week, and it was supposed to end a hell of a lot better than this.

Every part of me says, "Go ahead" But I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again

A/N: i hope you liked this chapter! and i am so so sorry for giving y’all false hope with the last one! i promise these there are happy times ahead for these two just not quite yet... as always i’d love to hear your feedback! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

masterlist | series masterlist | series playlist

story taglist: @girloncorneliastreet, @haylaansmi, @rexorangecouny, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @aperrywilliams, @sassy-hades, @rainsong01, @reverdevivre, @dracomikaelson, @softieekayy, @lunaofcrows, @andrewhoezierbyrne, @blameitonthenight21, @lyl-26, @do-yr-research, @nazifa94, @stepsofthefbi, @chatterbug2-0

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no, @calm-and-doctor, @idroppedmygourd, @averyhotchner, @wowitsel, @elldell1204, @hey-there-angels, @reidabookforonce, @ellesgreenaway

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #dr spencer reid x reader #criminal minds angst #champagne problems series

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redhairedwolfwitch · 2 years

Text

A String of Hearts (8) - Trust Destiny - Mary Hamilton x Fem!Reader - Batwoman

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Summary: a string of hearts, or ceropegia woodii, is a trailing plant characterised by its heart shaped leaves, but what happens when the string of hearts between you and Mary, grows poison ivy?

"Did the Bat-Bitches cut me off?!" Poison Mary exclaimed after sending the hotel manager and security away using her powers.

"All your fancy degrees and you didn't see that coming." Alice snarked, looking down at her freshly painted green nails.

"I thought we were past this! I mean, one would think that nearly vine-squeezing the life out of your bestie, and then crushing the only cure for you in existence was a pretty good indicator that it was time to move on from the friendship!" Poison Mary exclaimed, as Alice frowned.

"Not to mention breaking the heart of your beloved Batgirl. How did that go again? Ah, yes, 'goodbye Y/n. It's over' and left the poor girl sobbing in the middle of the road."

"Did anyone else find it ironic that when I beg Ryan and Luke for their attention, they were too busy with their own drama, but when I finally step away for some much needed me time, Mary Hamilton is the coveted Bat mission of the week! And Y/n... all her talk about option 3 but all she did was cry and beg-"

"If this is a lecture about being Batwoman's most wanted. Trust me, I already took the exam, and if you want a lesson in post-heartbreak, well, check on Y/n and see her sobbing into her plant-based ice cream." Alice pointed out, making a motion of someone rubbing their eyes and crying as Poison Mary huffed.

///

"I froze Mary's bank accounts. I think. Internet's cut out about 10 times," Luke announced as the laptops he was working on beeped, "and now I have the spinning wheel of death. That's awesome!" Luke grumbled as he looked at the laptops.

"Does asbestos have a smell? Anyone smell that?" Sophie enquired as her nose crinkled up at the smell of Renee's office.

"Dead rat in the wall. Give it three days, it will pass." Ryan answered, glueing a batarang back together, whilst you sneakily took Renee's impressively detailed file on Pamela Isley, comparing it with Batman's notes.

"I'm sorry I left my sarcasm-meter back in the batcave I no longer have access too, and my Batgirl apprentice isn't telling me where the other one is. Is there something you would like to say to me?" Ryan stood up, glaring at Renee.

"Take off the kid gloves, Ryan."

"Kid gloves?" Ryan raised an eyebrow, giving Renee a look you didn't see as you focussed on reading the Renee's file on Ivy.

"You wouldn't have Marquis arrested because he's family. You underestimated Mary because she's your friend. And now you're locked out of your Batcave, and your bestie's on the lam with a serial killer. Jump in, if I'm missing anything!" Renee exclaimed as Ryan glared.

"Okay, what am I supposed to do? Pummel Mary with batarangs in front of her girlfriend? Let them throw Marquis in Arkham for a brain injury that isn't his fault?" Ryan retorted, waving her hands around.

"It's called making hard choices." Renee stated, pausing as she heard your chair squeak against the floor.

"Oh please, you only went to Batman when the original Ivy decided her cause was worth more than her love for you. Mary left, because you all ignored her, and the infection amplified it. She gave me the choice to go with her, or let her go-"

"and you let her go off with a serial killer." Renee tried to finish her sentence but you glared.

"I didn't let her go. I never answered her ultimatum, because I'm not going to stop fighting for her. I'm not you. By the way, whatever harder stance you take? You'll make it all worse." You declared, shoving headphones in before sitting down again.

"I thought I could plead, and hope, and rationalise, with Pam too, it didn't work, Y/n." Renee argued, but you turned your music up louder.

///

"WRONG! First, unleashing an eco-terrorist would not be a good look for us! Secondly, do you know what desiccation means? We would be dehydrating Mary to the brink of death!" Ryan pointed out, looking at you as you caught her eye, giving her a weird look.

"The serum was just to put Pam down, and that was ten years ago. If we remove it, my guess is that she stays dormant, unless she comes in the contact of sunlight or water."

"Humans are 60% water." You pointed out, twirling an earphone between your fingers before staring at the file again.

"We are not putting Mary through that torture!" Ryan affirmed, as you put your pen down.

"Can't we just replicate the serum? It's easier than digging up Poison Ivy and accidentally unleashing her." You asked, but Luke frowned.

"Do you know how to? I know you've done all that plant research for Gotham U but-"

"That research that everyone keeps bringing up, is to create fast growing plants to restore deforestation, but also instil a way to stop plants from burning up to smoulders in wildfires." You deadpanned, eyes widening for a second before you buried yourself in the Poison Ivy file again.

"We cannot help her, unless we stop her."

"What will you do after she's desiccated? Bury her for ten years with Isley?" You asked, tapping your fingers on the desk as you rested your chin on your free hand.

"Fine. If I were Batman, where would I bury Poison Ivy?" Ryan asked as you smirked behind your hand.

"It's really obvious when you realise it." You pointed out as Luke began to pin up a map of Gotham.

///

When Ryan returned from her video-call with Marquis, you had already left.

///

"This tunnel better lead to the other Batcave, Babs, or I'm calling bullshit on your 5 star information broker career as Oracle." You mumbled to yourself, holding the torch up as you almost tripped over a stalagmite.

///

"What the- how did you get down here?" Ryan exclaimed as she, Sophie and Renee arrived in the Batcave.

"The third option." You shrugged, staring at the dessicated tree in the middle of the base as the other three began to go through Bruce's journals.

"Are you serious? Mary came home? Is she looking for us?" Ryan asked, noticing how you stood up straighter, immediately paying attention as soon as Mary was mentioned over the comms.

"If Mary's here, it's for a reason, and I can assure you, it's not a dance with Y/n." Renee pointed out, glancing at you but you were messing with the toggles of your hoodie.

///

"What's happening to Mary, what happened to Pam, wasn't a fair fight." Renee stated as Ryan questioned how she could ever love Pam.

///

"Okay, you guys are taking too long, would anyone like to draw their attention to the desiccated tree roots sticking out of this part of the Batcave?" You gestured, gaining the attention of Ryan, Sophie and Renee.

"How long have you known?"

"I figured it out same time I realised sunlight turned the love of my life into Poison Ivy, then I got blasted with night night pollen, so..." You shrugged, "I just didn't tell you because I hoped it wouldn't come to having to dig up the original Ivy." You admitted, messing with your toggles again.

///

"Okay, I need total quiet." Ryan instructed as she began to scan the Batcave tunnels for Poison Ivy.

"Sorry guys, damn! Fraud alert on my credit card... silencing." Sophie complained, as you chuckled at Ryan's face.

"I think I got something. Trynna isolate it. Okay. I'm locked in. I can hear it clear enough to track the source." Ryan announced as she looked around.

"Hear what?" Renee asked, confusedly.

"Pam's heartbeat." Ryan explained, as Renee's face fell to shock.

"Oh my god."

"You have the device?" Ryan asked, as Renee fumbled out a yes.

"We need to move. Whatever Mary's up to, she doesn't stay in one place for long."

///

"Are you wearing a hoodie over the Batgirl suit, without the cape and cowl?" Sophie realised as you messed with your sleeves.

"Luke needs to sort the cape out, it's too heavy for me, plus the cowl almost crushed my skull trying to put it on." You explained as you all followed Ryan through the tunnels.

///

"Thank god Y/n isn't here to see this." Luke murmured as he watched Mary dance with Marquis.

///

"Ryan, are we hot or cold? Tell me we're scolding, because we're almost at the end of the map!" Sophie exclaimed, checking over the tablet with the map of the Batcave tunnels on it.

"Well, it's getting louder, I just don't know how much further, AH! Luke, Luke, do you copy? Okay, there's something going on with Mary upstairs, we're almost out of time!" Ryan announced as you and Sophie passed Ryan to look further.

"Guys!" Sophie called out, pointing her torch at a gap in the bedrock, covered in dead grass.

Your hand reached out to pull the grass away first, but you backed away as you saw what was underneath, covering your mouth in shock. That left Ryan to cut through some of the roots and remove the dead grass fully, revealing Poison Ivy.

"Tell me she had a charming personality." Ryan exclaimed, staring at the desiccated woman whilst you backed away.

"That's the desiccation. Serum leeches water from the cells, that includes skin and tissue..." Renee explained, standing further back to get a better look at the desiccated love of her life.

"You wanna do this to Mary?" Ryan turned to Sophie in disbelief, meeting your horrified eyes.

"I'm trying to prevent a poison ivy outbreak from wiping out Gotham's best and brightest upstairs." Sophie argued, but you finally spoke.

"The question is, what the hell are you planning to do when you desiccate the love of my life?" You asked, but Renee sighed.

"Look, Y/n, I was you once, I wanted to believe that there was some magical solution where I save the love of my life without her hating me forever. There isn't. Mary is at the party, the serum is here. It's time to step up." Renee stated, as you leaned against the wall, stunned as to what was happening.

///

"Remember, no water breaks, and if you so much as have to sneeze. Don't." Ryan's glare faltered as she saw your stunned look.

"Y/n, let's go. Any longer down here and your tears alone will reanimate Pam." Ryan's gloved hand reached for your wrist, gently pulling you along as you met Sophie's eyes for a moment, seeing the worry and guilt in them. Renee's eyes were sad, but there was something there that made you regret letting your guard down later.

///

Poison Mary stepped out onto the balcony first, followed by Ryan grappling down, waiting at the bottom for you to land, stumbling as your feet touched the floor.

On your face laid Sophie's dollar store masquerade mask, whilst you had the hood of your hoodie up to hide the rest of your identity.

Mary froze as she met your eyes, but the green glow had Ryan lunging at her.

"Wait!" You exclaimed as Ryan hesitated to inject the serum into Mary.

"What is that? Do you even know?" Poison Mary's voice was husky as she looked between Ryan holding her against the balcony edge and you, terrified.

"Batman made it to stop Poison Ivy."

"When? Over a decade ago? Do you even know the half life of its chemical compound? You don't even know what that'll do to me, do you? Or is that why Y/n looks so terrified, because you do?" Poison Mary whimpered, staring at Ryan.

"You gave me no choice."

"Hey Batwoman. Hold up. You ready for me to blow your mind? How about we kill your two little sidekicks at the same time? Hm? Little brother sister bonding action? Come on!" Marquis smirked, before his face fell spotting you.

"Oh, now, you didn't mention a third sidekick. So, who the hell are you?" Marquis' face fell into a grin again as he held the gun to Luke's head.

"It was me. I told him. So you don't have to put us all through the 'I don't know what you're talking about' phase." Mary whispered, but Ryan's gaze went to you.

"One rule though. You don't touch her." Mary demanded to Marquis, before explaining to Ryan, "you gave me no choice."

"Always wondered why I was the kid that got chose on that bus that day. A couple dozen kids. So why was I the one that got buzzed? Everyone says the world's gone mad, but I get it! Batman had the Joker. And Batwoman? You got me. True or false, sis? You got to trust destiny?" Marquis monologued as Ryan glared, and you stood frozen, watching everyone's every move.

"False. We make our own destinies." Ryan replied, as Marquis shook his head.

"You wish," clicking the gun, Marquis was about to fire, when the device holding the desiccation serum hit him in the chest, dehydrating him as Mary ran.

///

"Mary!"

Poison Mary froze for a moment, the music from the party blurring into the background as all she heard was your voice.

"Please!" Your voice cracked as your foot missed the step and you slid, almost falling down the stairs when vines wrapped around you.

"Stop coming after me, Y/n. I'm not coming back." Poison Mary stated, trying to glare but her heart ached for you.

"I'm not giving up on you, I never gave up on you, Mary. Why can't you see that? Why isn't my love enough anymore? Why am I not enough?" You rambled, tears falling from your eyes, but Mary was gone, and the music was still playing as the vines returned you softly to the floor.

///

"Y/n?" Ryan found you crying at the bottom of a flight of stairs, hurriedly swiping at your cheeks for tears as she walked over.

"I'm not enough." You whispered as Ryan pulled you up, taking you to Mary's clinic, alongside a desiccated Marquis.

"You know why you and Alice haven't been able to cross the joy buzzer off her list? Renee has had it the whole time." Sophie's voice was loud enough for you to hear from Mary's office, swiping away your tears as you glared at the floor.

"What do you mean she had it?"

"I mean, she was never going to let Alice free. She lied, Ryan, to Alice, to you, to me, to Y/n. She was holding it over your heads until one of you found what she wanted. Her soulmate. Pamela Isley." Sophie elaborated as you let out a huff.

"Now, after ten years, the original Poison Ivy is loose in Gotham City."

///

#mary hamilton x reader #mary hamilton imagine #batwoman x reader #batwoman imagine #batwoman #cw batwoman #cw #mary hamilton #poison mary #ryan wilder #luke fox #sophie moore #renee montoya #alice #marquis jet #pamela isley #renee montoya x pamela isley #poison ivy #joker

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horansqueen · 3 years

Text

Stuck With You - Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Tell Me

🡪chapter 1 🡪chapter 2 🡪chapter 3 🡪chapter 4 🡪chapter 5 🡪chapter 6 🡪chapter 7 🡪chapter 8 🡪chapter 9 🡪chapter 10 🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Tell me what it's like to be with you Remind me of the things we use to do And tell me that this time will never end Tell me what it's like, tell me again

Everytime you stay It never feels quite the same And everytime you go It hurts a way you'll never know

Everything I fear Shows itself everytime you're here And everything I know (I know) Leaves with you everytime that you go

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

It was not easy to ignore her. I had spent days doing exactly that but now that she had pushed me away, I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like a creep whenever I'd find myself staring at her for a bit too long. How could I just forget about her and pretend that nothing had happened between us? How could I just pretend I didn't care about her anymore? That I didn't think about her all the time? That I didn't have feelings for her? It felt completely stupid to go on with my life as if she hadn't been the most important part of it in the last few weeks... as if she was not still a big part of it.

I looked at her as she walked out of our class, laughing with Daxia and Asher about something I didn't hear. She raised her nose up in a grimace and giggled a bit more but I just pushed my hands in my pockets, remaining motionless as she left. She was better than me at pretending, and if I couldn't remember the way she had kissed me in the elevator, or the way she had looked at me when she found out I paid half her rent, I would believe her. Luckily (nor not?) I could clearly remember all of it. The way she had ground on my thighs as we kissed deeply and how she had whimpered when my cock had swollen between her legs... The way she let me touch her, the way she sucked on my tongue when we kissed in our room... but most of all, the way her eyes fluttered when I placed soft and slow kisses on her lips after my claustrophobic crisis... the way she had looked so hurt and sad whenever I left for whatever reason... the way I could hear pain in her voice every time I rejected her. It was all those things that kept hope alive inside me. You can't just forget about someone like that, right? Not someone who had that effect on you, no, I didn't want to believe it.

I waited, hopeful that maybe she'd glance back, giving me just enough fuel to keep hoping for something, but she didn't, and I ended up walking back to my room only to grab my guitar and my notebook. I scribbled a few words quickly, the first things that came to my mind when I thought about Devon, and found a melody just as fast.

I stared at some of the words written and felt my eyes flutter as I breathed in. I tried to stop the tears and swallowed them hard before clearing my throat and rubbing my eyes. It couldn't be the end, I didn't want it to be, and now that Devon was ignoring me the way I had ignored her, I couldn't help but hate myself, knowing it was what I actually put her through, and probably even worse.

I took my phone and snapped a picture of my notebook and my guitar, wondering how Devon would have taken the picture and knowing it would definitely have looked better than the one I was now posting on instagram, but it didn't matter. Somehow, I wished she would see it and realize it was for her, but I knew there was only a tiny chance for that. I hesitated but added a few words from the song I had just written in the description part and blinked a few times staring at it, wondering if it was a mistake.

"Every time we get this close, It's always pulling us apart."

Turns out Devon didn't like the picture or commented on it. I was not really expecting it but I was hoping for it, but if I knew one thing about Devon now, it was that she was really stubborn. It was not what emanated from her the most, in my opinion, and it wasn't as important as her intensity, her feelings, her fiery, her empathy and her sensitivity, but it was still a part of her that I couldn't deny. I couldn't blame her, most artists were stubborn, I was slightly entitled myself, but her stubbornness was strong and I liked it, even if it caused a problem at that exact moment.

When Lewis invited me home to watch the game, I almost refused. I wanted to see Devon, but she had asked not to see me, and it would have been wrong of me to go to her place, knowing she didn't want me around her. I wanted to respect her and what she wanted, even if I was desperate for a conversation with her. I knew I couldn't force her to have feelings for me, or to act on them. It was on her, and begging her or harassing her wouldn't change anything. In fact, it would make things worse and anyway, it was not the kind of things I did. If Devon ended up giving me a chance, it would be her decision, the same way it was my decision to push her away and not take all the chances she already gave me. A bad decision, but it was all mine.

I finally accepted when Lewis told me Devon was leaving for the evening and even if I was disappointed, I didn't show it or mention it. I couldn't stop wondering where she was going and with who as I drove to my friend's and when I parked. I stayed for a few minutes, sitting behind the wheel, trying to stop the erratic beatings of my heart. I hadn't felt like that for so long. It felt like a heartbreak all over again, except this time, the whole break up was my fault and the problem was me. I leaned my forehead on the wheel and sigh until I heard someone chuckle.

"Are you napping before the game?"

I sat up and leaned my head on the bench before sighing loud enough for Louis to hear.

"You’re here for Devon, I'm guessing." I just let out without enthusiasm, not even looking at him.

"Nop, I'm here because Lewis invited me to watch the game."

It made me frown and I turned my head his way as it was still leaning on the bench. "What?"

"Ya head." Louis shrugged, glanced at the door of the building before looking back at me. "I thought Dev was going to watch it with us."

I raised my eyebrows and started my car again, shaking my head slightly as Louis got closer. "Hey, mate, where are you going?"

"Devon doesn't want me near, I'm certainly not going to spend the evening in her vital space and make her uncomfortable." I explained, putting both my hands on the wheel.

"Dev doesn't want you to avoid her."

I sighed again and turned my head only to meet Louis' eyes. "She was pretty clear."

"You know she likes you, right?" Louis raised his eyebrows. "She wants you in her life."

"But she made it clear she didn't want me around. I can't just go with your words, okay? I have to go with hers."

I couldn't pretend it didn't feel good to hear from her best friend that Devon actually liked me, but I was also aware that Louis wanted me happy. He had been taking care of me ever since that story with my ex girlfriend. I didn't know if it was out of guilt or pure friendship but either way, I couldn't deny that he was there for me, no matter what. I had been blabbing and complaining to him every single day since that stupid blind date at the restaurant and even if he was annoyed by all the shit I threw at him, he remained calm and collected, which was a first for him.

"You're right." Louis admitted, taking one last pull at his cigarette and throwing it on the ground. He pushed the smoke out of his lungs on the side to make sure it wouldn't come in my face and licked his lips. "You do give up quite easily though don't you think? She came back every time you pushed her away." he pointed out in a gentle tone.

"No, she didn't." I shrugged a shoulder. "We just ended up being locked together in random places."

"Maybe Lewis' apartment can be that random place."

I moved my head closer to the window and looked up at the building before sighing. "If I have an inkling of a feeling that she's uncomfortable, I'm leaving."

"Good."

I ended up in the elevator with Louis, rubbing my hands on the back of my jeans. I was more and more nervous as we got closer to his apartment and when Lewis opened the door, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest by my throat.

I didn't ask about Devon but she didn't seem to be there and we all sat in the living room with a beer. There were a few guys from some of my art classes too, sitting on the floor, but I decided to sit next to Louis on one of the couches. I finished my beer quite fast and got up to grab an other in the fridge. My heart skipped a beat when I closed the door after grabbing a beer and my eyes got slightly bigger.

"Hey, Devie." I let out in a low tone, swallowing hard as my eyes roamed on her. "Uhm you-you look great."

"No need to lie, Niall." she shook her head with a sigh. "I don't know why I let Daxia convince me to wear things like that, this is so uncomfortable." She pulled on the bottom of her dress roughly but all it did was show part of her bra. She was leaning a bit and I let my eyes roam on her cleavage for less than a second before looking away.

"You shouldn't do that." I pointed out, clearing my throat. "It's- it's pulling it at the top."

She looked down at her breasts and groaned, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I had to admit I didn't remember her with that much cleavage and I licked my lips.

"Are you.. are you wearing a push-up bra or something?"

She looked up in my eyes with surprise and her lips parted slightly before she moved her head slowly from left to right. "How did you..." she didn't finish her question and shook her head faster. "That's it. That's enough. I'm getting changed!"

"No wait!"

I grabbed her wrist, two of my fingers and my thumb wrapping around it loosely. She stopped and breathed in, and I wondered if it was because she was annoyed that I stopped her, or annoyed because of that electric feeling that probably crossed her body the same way it had crossed mine at the contact of our skin.

"Devie, you look amazing." I admitted in a low and soft tone as she turned around to face me. I hated thinking she was going on a date, and all the scenarios in my head made my heart sink in my chest, but I couldn't lie to her. I would never lie to her again. "You really do. You look beautiful."

She bit her bottom lip and nodded as I let go of her wrist and she pulled on the top of her dress again to cover more of her breasts.

"I'm sorry, Devie. I know you're leaving but, if me being here bothers you, I can leave."

She looked up again and her eyes met mine. She just shrugged and cleared her throat, looking back at everyone in the living room before turning back to me again.

"No it's okay, I know Lewis is your friend." she shrugged, grabbing her purse on the table. "I'm leaving for the evening anyway, so it doesn't really matter."

I remained silent and pushed my hands in my pockets, holding my breath. Was I allowed to look at her the way I was looking at her?

"A pair of shorts."

"What?" she asked with a frown.

"If you wear a pair of shorts under your dress, it'll bother you less that it's short."

"The problem is mostly that I hate my thighs but I guess you're not wrong." she chuckled, raising her eyebrows. "It's a good idea."

I waited patiently until she came back, walking by the kitchen and waving shyly at me. "Bye Niall, thanks for the tip."

It took me a few minutes to go back to the living room. No one had noticed I had left for a while except for Louis, who turned his head my way as soon as I sat next to him. "Did you tell her?"

"Mm? Tell her what?" I asked, staring at the tv as I leaned my elbows on my knees.

"That you love her."

I turned my whole body his way, now only focusing on him, and shook my head. "No, and I don't plan to." I explained slowly. "Louis, she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you and you know it."

I didn't answer and turned back to the tv for a few minutes and finally leaned my back on the couch. "You think she's gonna shag a guy tonight?" I asked low and a bit sad, looking down at my beer as I turned it in my hands.

"No."

"Why not."

"I know Dev, she's not like that." Louis explained, letting out a sigh. "Would you shag a girl tonight? A girl that's not her?"

"What does it have to do with anything?"

"Dev is a lot like you." he finally confessed. "I'm sure you've noticed before. You two react the same way, you've been through the same things... both of you gave up on love and both of you are completely in love with each other. You stopped having sex with Mandy because Devon is all you think about. Trust me, you're all Devon thinks about, too."

"She told you that?" I asked, closing my eyes and swallowing hard.

"She'd kill me if she found out I told you."

---

An other week without Devon, an other week getting drunk and complaining to Louis. I had missed a few classes and always ended up in the music room to write songs on the piano after everyone had left until very late at night. I would probably get denied the access to that room if they found out I was drowning my pain in vodka, beer and rum while I was composing but I didn't care.

On friday night, Louis had begged me to join him in class. He had asked for the keys to classroom to finish his work and apparently, he wanted me to write a song for him that he'd use. I had never written a song for kids before but I was always ready to try new things. Besides, Louis had been there for me a lot in the past few days and I felt like I owed him at least that.

The days were getting shorter and it was already dark outside. Weirdly, the hall was barely lighted but I noticed the open door of a neon-lit room. I walked in and noticed Louis, sitting on one of the desks. His lips curled when he saw me and I realized I hadn't seen a small classroom like that before.

"Neil, hey, I'm glad you're here." he raised his eyebrows, jumping off the desk and walking to me. "I really need you."

"Yea, of course." I frowned, looking around the room. "I mean we could have worked in my room, or yours?"

"Mm no, we couldn't." he replied, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and bringing me closer into a weird hug. "It really had to be here."

"Okay, you're being weird. It sounds like a bad horror movie. Are you gonna kill me or something?"

Louis chuckled as I looked at him and he took a few steps back, throwing his arms in the air.

"I'd never do that, Niall. You're my best friend!"

I took a step closer when he reached the hall and he moved his hand in front of himself, making me stop immediately. "Wait here a minute or two, okay?"

"Alright."

I sighed and sat on a desk, my guitar on my lap, and let my fingers slide on the strings gently. It's only when I heard a voice in the hall that I looked up and frowned. My heart skipped a beat when Devon walked by the door, her eyes covered with Louis' hands but I frowned and raised my hands up when I noticed Lewis, slightly behind them, who was telling me to keep quiet with a finger on his lips.

"Lou, I hate surprises, you know it." she let out, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Despite all the stress my friends were putting me through, I still found myself thinking about kissing her as my eyes fell on her mouth and I held my breath.

"Keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them, alright?"

"Mmhm."

Slowly, he removed his hands from her eyes and I stood there, not really knowing what the hell they were trying to do. Devon didn't want to talk to me, she didn't want to be around me or hear about me, and bringing her here was not going to change anything, I knew it. It's only when Louis closed the door and I heard the lock that I understood.

"No!" I Iet out, jumping off the desk as I gripped my guitar tighter. "NO!"

I hit the door a few times without looking back at Devon but I knew that by now, she had understood what was happening. Our friends had decided to lock us in a room without our consent and I could feel myself get dizzy at that thought.

"It's not funny guys! I'm claustrophobic!" I yelled, hitting the door again with the side of my fist. "Let me out!"

"The room is big enough and there's like, five windows, Niall!"

"Yea!" Lewis agreed. "Feel lucky, at first we had thought about the janitor's closet!"

"Guys, it's not cool!" I begged, leaning my forehead on the door. "And it's useless."

"No it's not!" Louis let out as I closed my eyes and groaned low. "Solve your shit! I'm tired to hear both of you talk about each other!"

"Plus, we stole your phones." Lewis let out with a laughter. "I took Devon's when she was not looking and she just thought she lost it. Louis stole yours a few minutes ago."

I frowned and my hand reached for my pocket, realizing he was right and I just rolled my eyes. My heart was beating so hard I was wondering if it would just stop completely at some point. It was not a claustrophobia crisis though, it was just the fact that once again, I was locked with Devon somewhere but this time, the roles were reversed. She was the one who was avoiding me.

"Neil, tell her, okay?"

I didn't answer him. I just licked my lips and turned around, scared of what was going to happen. Devon raised her eyebrows at me and pressed her lips together, her arms wrapped around herself. She tilted her head and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Tell me what?"

Request

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan au #niall horan college au #niall horan uni au #niall horan enemies to lovers #my fanfics #swy

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alyjojo · 2 years

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June 🐬 2022 Monthly - Scorpio

Whole of your energy: 6 Swords

You’re moving away from some dramatic or painful situation you’ve been a part of recently, The Devil already has popped out as well to show this may have been something toxic or obsessive even. You could be at the peak of this situation through June, but your focus is on moving away from it. In the meditation, I picked up on an instigative and almost ornery energy, purposely aggravating and then stepping out of the way to watch the drama. Hopefully that doesn’t apply, but for someone it seems to, and if so, the explosion is near.

What’s going on in June:

3 Pentacles:

You’re working together with someone, and already I’m picking up on a relationship. Someone you’re trying to heal a relationship with from the past, the two of you could have separated or simply have taken a break for awhile. One of you waited too long and missed their opportunity due to options, other people, competition, and generally being overindulgent, the other person was annoyed that they weren’t first in line to get serious about and commit to. Ace of Cups shows a new love opportunity for the two of you, and that’s your goal, you feel victorious that the two of you have another shot at this romance. You’re now at the point of equal give and take between you, it looks like you’re both trying to move on from whatever situation came prior and into something more fulfilling for you both.

The High Priestess:

Secretly, or silently, you were very upset, sad and disappointed that things went the way they had last time, or this is your person’s feelings. The whole situation of “being an option” was a flat no for whoever this is, and they gave up and seemed to assume that whatever they felt was nonsense, or maybe they’d gotten you all wrong from the start. Something to that effect. You both feel very happy about this new start, which seems very new, you’re both at crossroads about it and you keep pulling the Ace of Cups, so this is a brand new beginning for you both. Whoever gave up the first time is still unsure whether this has the potential to last this time around. This is being kept close to your chest, or theirs, it’s not something outwardly spoken, but could be something obsessively thought about or felt with The Devil. This could simply be showing the fears of this relationship, or worries that maybe the relationship is lust-driven and not built on a solid foundation between you.

The Devil:

More than anything, this is a card of obsession. It seems to be an obsession over where you’re going, what you’re doing, who you’re with. It’s followed by 4 Pentacles, someone has an unhealthy level of jealousy and worry about what the other one is up to in regards to this relationship, due to having been hurt & abandoned before. Whoever this is has gone through an extremely painful heartbreak at some point, or a 3rd party situation. If you’ve put this person in that energy in the past, this emotional chaos is what has become of that, they still feel hurt by what’s happened. If it’s not you, then you could be taking the brunt of emotions your person needs to face separately. This could also be switched. Part of the 6 Swords at the head of the read includes this Devil energy, and everything else here. This can also show you feeling stuck and unable to do anything in terms of what your goals and plans were, or being stuck in a situation you can’t do anything about or change, though you want to. And you’re being kind & reconciliatory towards this person with 6 Pentacles.

6 Pentacles:

Equal give and take, this can be gifts of any kind. Money, time, advice, affection, it’s connected to 10 Cups, it seems like you’re giving everything you’ve got to this relationship. But is it enough? You hope so. It should be. King of Cups follows, showing you, having a lot of deep emotions for whoever this is and holding back the urge to cause a Tower between you. You want to resurrect the connection, not kill it. You feel alone in this though, like the other person isn’t as in this as you are or feels how you feel about the situation. You’re pissed off and impatient with feeling alone when you’re trying to give them everything. This genuinely feels like an unrequited love, or this person does feel what you feel, but they’re trapped in Devil energy. Or they feel you are. It’s leading to The Tower.

The Tower:

Clarified by The Tower again, this seems inevitable. One of you finds the other to be incredibly over emotional or completely disconnected from emotions altogether, manipulative, jealous, not very loving, and they’re setting themselves free from it. There are debilitating worries of fidelity and lying in this relationship, if cheating was ever a problem, there doesn’t seem to be a way to fix this. There is no trust at all between you, and again, you’re pissed off at feeling alone the whole time you’re with your person. Or they are. The month ends with bringing The Tower down and moving away from this altogether. There’s an energy of “if I’m going to feel alone, I’m going to be alone.” It doesn’t feel like you’re wrong about that 🤷‍♀️

Signs you may be dealing with:

Scorpio 💯 Capricorn, Leo, Pisces, Cancer & Virgo, but as always, they’re all here once.

Oracles: ✨

Love yourself and all the good in you. Then others will feel it and love you too.

Face your fears. When you do, you’ll realize that they’re not real, but only what you’ve created.

We enter into June as:

Ivory Tower 👨‍🎨 :

“They won’t use me.”

Ivory Tower reflects the way we function in a world with values that are different from our own. While we might not fit into the world as it is, we are aware of it and accept the differences, for those differences also benefit us on some level. If you are considering moving away from “the norm” you will not be unhappy. Like the artist that chooses to express himself with paint, you too must express yourself, even if it means “they” won’t use you. Rejection is Spirit’s way of protecting us. Whether or not you are accepted, you must do it anyway. This card can also represent a teacher or mentor being sent to you by Spirit, they may not be who you would’ve thought, or even picked, but they will teach you a lot. Hold your judgement.

What is to be learned in June:

The Green Acorn 🌰

“I am not a victim! I chose to be doing what I am doing!”

It is time to take a good hard look at something you may be in denial about. In order to move forward, you must make an honest assessment of your present situation. Remember the old adage that there are three sides to any given situation? Yours, theirs, and the truth. Are you putting blame on a situation or a person that doesn’t call for it? Acorn reminds us to come back down to earth.

It is important that you not use anything as an excuse to avoid seeing your own role clearly. Look at any experience as an opportunity to know yourself better, not something to hide behind. The time will come when the situation will no longer be there, and you will have to face yourself. Do it now. The Green Acorn asks that you see things as they are, and not to use anything as an excuse anymore. Don’t forget to see the lighter side is whatever situation you are in, humor and levity can serve you well.

Green may be a lucky color 💚

#scorpio tarot reading #scorpio monthly reading #June 2022 #Scorpio #tarot #monthly

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cup-half-full-of-anxiety · 3 years

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Taron Fic - Working Title (Chapter Seven)

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

So I somehow found the juice to finish this filler chapter that has been sitting for 8 months. I have more to come. I do not plan on abandoning ship but the creativity tank has been on empty so please bear with me.

Enjoy.

---

Richard sat nursing his second pint while Taron waved the server over to order his 4th. It had been a few hours since they left the lot and it was clear that whatever Taron needed to talk about was anything but light. Neither had said much since they had arrived at the pub. Richard sat patiently, waiting for Taron to open up but it had been at least a half-hour since either of them said anything. You could almost hear his brain in-process mode, he was clearly trying to find the best way to broach the subject.

“I have a daughter” he finally blurted.

Richard’s head jerked around to face Taron quicker than he thought possible.

“Come again Mate?”

Taron laughed humorlessly as he took a large drink from his glass.

“Yeah” He paused to wipe the beer off his upper lip and collect his thoughts before he continued

“I have a daughter” He said just as plainly “A 4-year-old daughter to be exact” Richard was shocked, he had no idea what to say or where to begin. He knew something had been bothering his new friend ever since the night of the mixer but this was the last thing he expected it to be.

“T, I am confused. What do you mean you have a daughter?”

“Adelaide” he said simply before raising his now empty glass to the waitress as she walked by, signaling he wanted another. “Just over 5 years ago, she and I were together. We had been together for 6 years. Tilly had introduced us when we were like 10-”

Richard’s eyes widened with realization as a long-forgotten memory came rushing to him, but Taron was too lost in telling the story to notice. He was unsure if he should share the memory with his friend or keep to himself that he had met his daughter once a couple of years ago in LA, it was just after he had met Adelaide, they had run into each other at the grocery store one weekend. Adelaide had introduced Richard to a then-toddler aged Eleanor.

He shook away the thought, he would tell Taron but not today.

“Even from the start we always flirted with each other, we were each other's first real crushes, but we didn’t start dating right away. I think deep down we both knew that once whatever we had going on between us started, that would be it, we would never have another, or love another but we couldn’t fight it for long and the inevitable happened, we started dating and that was it. We were always together, never one without the other but not in that annoying way. We were still our own people, but we were so much better together.”

“So what happened?” Richard was engrossed in the story.

“She disappeared” He shrugged nonchalantly even though Richard knew the memory had to kill him every time he thought about it “I came home from the last day of filming the first Kingsman to a quiet flat. She took everything of hers that she could, a lot had been left behind but everything she could take, she did and that was it.”

He pulled out his wallet, pulling out the note Adelaide had left behind. “This is all she left as an explanation” he handed it to Richard.

“I am still confused Mate” Richard said as he handed the note back “She just left? She didn’t stay so you guys could raise your child together?”

Richard was truly confused by the situation. He and Adelaide were not the closest but they had kept in contact over the years since they had met. They’d meet up for drinks when Richard was in LA, text on birthdays and holidays but they never formed the tightest bonds. He would never guess she would knowingly cause someone this much pain.

Taron began explaining what Adelaide had told him, how she was scared he would leave everything he worked hard for behind for her and their child, how she didn’t want to be the reason for him doing something he would regret further down the road. How she was just plain scared at the moment.

Now maybe Richard could understand the situation a little more.

“Wow, I still have no idea what to say” he needed another drink after this.

“Love” he grabbed the waitress’s attention “can I get another pint and we’re gonna need two whisky shots each please”. They both needed something a little stronger.

“So what are you going to do? I assume you want to be in your daughter’s life” Taron nodded “do you still want Adelaide in yours? Do you still have feelings for her?”

Taron did not have to think at all about the first part of the question.

“Of course I want to be a part of her life. I have already missed out on 4 years of it, I can’t miss out on anymore.”

“And Adelaide?”

“I’ll always love her” He paused.

Taron was quiet for a few moments. His mind still running in overdrive.

“I went over to her place the other night” he confessed; Richard raised an eyebrow in question. “After the mixer, it was late, and I just called her. She was awake, and I asked if I could come over. There was nothing sexual about it” he gave Richard a look before he even said anything.

“I was going to ask; I didn’t want to assume” he thanked the waitress as she set the drinks down.

“I don’t know mate” the boys took their first shot, both slightly wincing at the taste “I just needed to hold her. She literally disappeared from my life. Gone. I did everything I could possibly do to find her. I went to her Grans, to Tilly’s. I went to places we hung out, our favorite places. I called her more times than I can even count, I sent her bloody emails. I left voicemails every few days for well over a year but eventually, I had to stop. I had to accept she was not coming back. I had to accept I wouldn’t get closure.” Taron had to wipe at the few tears that fell.

“Before that, I never understood actual heartbreak. I had seen my parents’ separate and I had seen the pain that brought but now I was feeling my own. I threw myself into work, I took on everything I could get my hands on. Thinking back, I feel like a lot of it was because of her. I wanted to make sure she couldn’t forget me, that she wouldn’t be able to get away from the fact that she just left.” Taron paused, a vengeful look in his eyes at the thought but it was lost as he ran his hand over his face with a sigh.

“Then there she was. Really her, not some glitch in the matrix that my mind manifested to torture me.” He paused again. Trying to wrap his mind around it. “I don’t know mate. It’s like my body knew she was close, and I needed to feel her, even if it was just sleeping in each other’s arms.”

“And that’s all that happened?”

“Yeah, until I woke up a little while later.” He shook his head at the still-fresh memory, he knew he was not wrong for getting angry about the situation but that did not mean he felt great about what happened or what he said.

“She is staying at her Grans place, a home we spent a lot of time at in our adolescence until we moved in together. The house is very familiar to me. I went down for a drink and it didn’t take long to notice the kids toys in the corner, a stuffed animal on the couch, and then I found Eleanor’s room and realized that they have been coming to England to visit her Gran and Tilly, and I kind of lost it.” The boys took their second shot when Taron made another pause in his story.

“She woke up and found me in Eleanor’s room” He paused again and smiled to himself at the mention of his daughter “that’s her name, Eleanor. She found me in her room, lost in thoughts of what could have been while I held one of her dolls, just trying to feel close to this little girl I didn’t know yet but already loved so much. She said something and I honestly cannot even remember what it was now. I was so overcome with anger and then we fought, well it was more of me yelling than anything.”

“I just don’t...” He sounded so broken. “Fuck...I just want to put this behind me. I want to move past this anger and have a relationship with my daughter”

“You can mate but you need to remember that you just found this news out. You need to give yourself time to process it and you’re allowed to be angry or feel hurt.” Richard patted his friend’s arm.

“I have no doubt that you are going to be an amazing father. That little girl has no idea what is in store for her.” Taron could not keep the smile off his face. He’d always wanted to be a father; since the day Rosie was born.

When he saw Adelaide hold his baby sister for the first time, he knew it then. Adelaide knew when she watched Rosie’s tiny hand wrap around Taron’s finger. That night as they laid in Adelaide’s bed at her Grans, they had their first real discussion about having children. Both laughing at the thought, both thinking it would be a lifetime before parenthood would make its way into their lives.

The boys were quiet again. Taron’s body beginning to buzz with warmth from the alcohol, he knew if he ordered anymore he would be in trouble with Dex tomorrow, showing up for blocking hungover.

“I think it might be time to call it mate. We both have early days tomorrow and neither of us is going to be any good if we get pissed tonight” Richard raised his almost empty glass, clearly reading Taron’s mind. They cheered before they both finished off their drinks.

The boys paid their tab and made their way outside.

“Sleep on it mate.” Richard dropped his hand on his friend’s shoulder “Think about what is best for you and your daughter and your relationship with her mother. You have a lot of people around you that will be there to support you, but you need to do what you think is best.”

Taron hugged his friend tightly.

“Thanks mate. See you tomorrow”

The boys parted.

As Taron leaned against the wall waiting on his train his phone pinged with a text.

Doll:

I’m sorry about this afternoon.

Doll:

I’m just trying to figure this all out.

Taron:

Will she really be here in 3 weeks?

Adelaide sighed; she assumed he must have heard some of the conversation with her mom, she had a feeling it was the reason for him leaving set early. She took a deep breath before she replied.

Doll:

Yes. I wanted some time to settle and to talk to you before they came.

Taron:

Okay

Was all Taron replied with. He had 3 weeks to get everything figured out.

To be continued

@xceaf @sarahegerton96 @primaba11erina @shereighties @aberystwythboy

#taron egerton #taron egerton fanfiction #taron x reader #taron fanfiction

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sugarydolli · 3 years

Text

The Broken Elevator | [Soft]

Title - The Broken Elevator

Word Count - 1.9k

Pairings - Keigo Takami (Hawks) x Fem!Reader

Warnings - Break up, claustrophobia (your stuck in an elevator), Near-Death experience, Bad day?

My teacher had to read this yo.. 😰

Sorry if it's a bit blocky or weird from my normal writing style, I couldn't write it the way I wanted cause it was for school..but please enjoy 😊. Also your locked in an elevator so if that makes you uncomfy please don't read.

Sadly, Your day was already going south before the incident. Your car broke down on your way to work, you just realized that you put your skirt on backwards, and to put the icing on the cake a clumsy co-worker spilled hot coffee onto your new white blazer. “It's fine.” you told yourself as you walked over to the women’s bathroom before getting interrupted by the janitor. “Sorry miss,” he stood in front of the door rubbing the back of his neck. “All the bathrooms are clogged..except for the ones downstairs.” You sighed walking over to the elevator.

Reaching over to press the down button on the contraption, you hesitated. Worry filled your body, remembering all the tales you overheard your Co-workers said about it. According to them, the elevator was cursed breaking down for hours causing phobias and fears to shine through. You looked down at your shirt debating between taking the 10 flights of stairs that would for sure leave your feet swollen or the appearently cursed elevator.

Stupidly thinking your coffee stained shirt was worse than getting stuck on a elevator. Pushing down the fear bubbling in your tummy, you boarded the elevator testing your luck. Quickly pressing the button for the first floor, you waited patiently for it start. Once the sound of the elevator descending started you began to relax and the tension in the air faded. Finally hearing the ding when you reached your destinated floor you rushed over to the bathroom to clean yourself up.

After you finished cleaning up, the feeling of accomplishment waved over you for something going right today. Having no fear towards the elevator, you decide to ride again and finally start off your day on the right foot. A smile slowly spread across your delicate face as you closed your eyes and waited for the elevator to slowly ascend as it closed its doors. Until a flash of red wisped past the small creak in the door causing the doors to automatically open again. You quickly open your eyes to see your ex, Keigo, stumble through the door. Nevermind, this was officially the worst day of your life.

“Heh..Sorry-” his bright amber eyes looked up to see nothing but disgust in yours. Hawks awkwardly straightened himself out and shuffled next to you taking occasional glances. Small glimpses of your break up started to play in your mind as you stood, clouding your mind. Your tears, him walking out, the gossip among your co-workers, it was all coming back to you so suddenly it brought fresh tears to collect in on your waterline. Hawks looked down, regret stinging his face remembering the events from a few months ago.

Trapped in your thoughts you didn't notice the elevator’s sluggish pace, the machine starting to softly rattle before turning into a violent shake startling the both of you. You could hear some creaks and screeches before it proceeded to start plummeting down, a shriek escaped your mouth as large arms came around your frame and cradled you. Without thinking you held on to whatever, too scared to even open your eyes, The elevator halted right before the ground and shook once more then slowly stopping.

After a few minutes, you shifted causing Hawks to jump off you, looking away while scratching his head. Looking around at the now blinking lights you could see a panel of numbers, scooting over to them you pressed the red emergency button. The button gave a distorted ding till it completely shut down. Your next plan was your phone, moving around in your one spot to at least gain one bar of service but after a while of trying you admitted defeat.

Begrudgingly turning your head over to Keigo who was fiddling with his wings with a small blush casted onto his fair face. “We’re stuck.” you announce, slumping back onto the wall. Grief washing over you as you realized your situation. You trapped with your ex in an elevator for who knows how long. Your day went from bad to worse within minutes.

It’s been up to two hours now and it's been quiet with small talk here and there. You played on your phone for the first thirty minutes until it got down to fifteen percent, deciding it would be best if you save the battery. “Do..do you still think about...us?” Keigo asked in a meek tone than his usually laidback one. Taking a moment to respond you sighed, looking at the blonde male. “Why would I, Keigo? Why would I want to relive heartbreak over again?” He looked down, shame casted onto his face. Hawks stayed quiet for a while as you sulked in your corner.

Tears slid silently down your plush cheeks thinking about the events of your break up. “I cant do this anymore, Dove.” he whispered under his breath causing you to stop in your tracks. Keigo got up from the small chair and slid his coat on, “I'm sorry I just don't feel it anymore.” He walked out the door leaving you standing there. It took awhile to process before your knees buckled and you slowly slid down to the ground feeling as if a piece of you died that day. “If that's the case, Yes. I think about ‘us’ everyday.”

A solid hour and a half passed by and there was still silence among you two. Keigo tried to speak up multiple times but as soon as he opened his mouth it was as if the words would just disappear. You didn't move from your corner of the elevator, baskin in your sorrow and regret. Slowly though, the sorrow you felt for yourself turned into spite as time passed. Finally managing to get the words out, Keigo turned to you seeing your red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “Sorry Dove..” looking down before he continued but quickly you cut him off. “Sorry Keigo? Sorry? You think a simple apology is gonna make me feel better after months of pain? Having to listen to my co-workers gossip about how you were on some girl at the club literally DAYS after? You think a ‘Sorry’ is gonna fix it all?”

Keigo silently leaned back into the wall as you turned directly towards him and shouted. You could see regret fill his face as you went on and tears gathered up in his golden eyes which were now starting to fall. To caught up in your rant you didn't hear the elevator springs start to pop from your rapid movements, causing you to yelp a bit. Without saying another word you went back to pouting unable to meet his sorry gaze. Keigo came for his things he left at your apartment a month after he walked out, you sat on your couch in silence waiting for him to finish packing. Once he was gone you completely broke down, letting out whimpers and sobs. What happened? In the many years of your relationship Keigo never gave off that he was unhappy. You realizing it was time to move on, so you distracted yourself with work but nevertheless you still thought about him.

At this point it's been 6 hours in this closed space. But the amount of emotions going through both of you made it feel like years in this trapped space. Keigo silently weeped in his designated corner, he felt like apologizing a million times wanting to explain himself as you sat there emotionless. “I didn't wanna leave you..” he whispered gently under his breath. “Then why did you?” you didn't have the energy to look at him. Keigo gave a long sigh, feeling water build up in his eyes once again. “I didn't mean to hurt you, I just…” He paused bringing a hand to wipe his tears. “Days before, the commission found out about us..and I..I couldn't risk it,” Keigo turns to you. “I'm so sorry, Dove..”

You let a few tears slip before rotating to face him, Keigo scoots closure to you from his corner. “Why didn't you tell me?” you muttered leaning slightly. “I didn't know how to explain it..” he ran a hand through his golden locks. The elevator creaked, falling slightly causing you both to jump. You scooted a bit closer to Keigo to where you both were only a space apart still trying to take in his explanation for hurting you all those months ago. Three more hours passed making it now nine hours you’ve been trapped. In order to avoid eerie silence the two of you started to talk normally. It didn't take long before Keigo's silly nature to kick in resulting in your first genuine smile of the day.

He could feel his cheeks burning from your smile, a warm feeling filled his stomach. Without thinking he reached over and stroked the side of your face, “I still love you..Dove” Your laughter quickly died down as your face reddened. Mouth agape as you processed all the emotions at once, You went into this elevator feeling nothing but disgust and revulsion but now your heart was almost pounding out of your chest. As much as you wanted to tell yourself it was good to move on, you always knew you couldn't get over Keigo. “I-..” you looked deep into his waiting eyes, opening your mouth to respond to his confession. Suddenly, the floor beneath you shook then soon everything was starting to vibrate.

Keigo wrapped his arms around your small frame once again as you clinged to his chest. Wires started snapping from above and screeches could be heard from the walls. The room stopped vibrating for a bit allowing you guys to look around before everything started to sink. Metal scraping against each other making a horrible sound, Keigo pulled you tighter against him, tears filled your eyes starting to believe these were your last moments. Quickly making up your mind you look at him deeply, through your tears. “I love you, Keigo” you say as you tightly closed your eyes and braced yourself for impact.

Fortunately, impact never came. A small shake followed by the feeling of sinking in your stomach stopping caused you to open your eyes. The blinking light was back to its original state and the elevator dinged, opening its doors. People passed by the scene giving weird looks and stares while you both rushed out the door. Running up to the front desk, the two of you tried to make sense of what just happened. “The elevator broke down! We were in there for HOURS!” You shouted, not caring if you were slowly ruining your job reputation, Keigo also gave his side of the experience.

The assistant looked at you both questioningly then shook her head and laughed before explaining what happened. You both walked out the building in embarrassment, according to the assistant the elevator worked perfectly fine and the both of you she assumed were putting on a show. She did allow you to leave for the day and Hawks followed. “Hey..” Keigo turned to you. “I know at the time we were kinda in the middle of falling through an elevator in a dream but..” you giggled looking up at him. “If your trying to ask if I meant it, yes I do..I love you Keigo.” His amber eyes lit up, he placed his hands on your waist and pulled you forward. You leaned in to him and softly pressed your plush lips against his, Keigo’s heart swelled no longer feeling empty.

You and Keigo: *Dramatic getting back together love story*

Everyone else in the elevator:

#tw claustrophobia #keigo takami #keigo takami x reader #hawks x reader #hawks #mha #mha fanfiction #hawks mha #hawks bnha #mha hawks x reader #bnha hawks x reader #keigo takami mha #keigo tamaki bnha #tw breakup #bnha fanfiction #bnha #tw near death

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horrorstreet · 4 years

Text

Soulmates Surprise

Request: BRAHMS ,,, i need ,., stinky wall boy thirst or ill combust please im begging you

Request sent in by: Anon

Summary: In a world where soulmates injuries appear on the others skin, you feel the pain of Brahms burn at a young age and live your life the best you can. When you get a nanny job at the Heelshire mansion, things take an unexpected turn and Brahms gets the biggest surprise of his life.

Brahms x reader

Warnings: Angst, burns, scars, blood, bullying.

Quick Note!: I had this sitting here for the longest time and didn’t feel great about it but I tried to make it better. So so so so so sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy!

Almost everyone is born with a soulmate. Some are born without that special connection to someone their souls are tied to. While most would say that it was a curse to not find the person who would bring you happiness, some would call it a blessing. It happened not too long ago that people began to receive soulmates and no one knew where this strange change was coming from. Scientists still scramble for a reason for what caused the strange connection that tethers two people together and it has yet to be discovered, remaining a mystery to all. In this world, when one is connected with a soulmate, any injury that their partner receives will appear on their soulmate's body and the pain carries along with it and there is no finding to prove a way to prevent this. On the bright side, when one finds their soulmate, all of those injuries and the pain that comes along with it disappear. Almost as if time erases the marks it has made on that person leaving them spotless.

You were born in perfect health, a happy baby, and your parents thought you were just precious. All was well and your parents were convinced you would live a happy and safe life up until your 8th birthday. You had been enjoying our 8th birthday, happy to be growing up and getting presents and eating cake when it took a turn for the worst. Little did you know that it would be the last day of your “normal” life. It wasn't long after you turned 8 that something felt strange to you. You were playing in your room with all of your new gifts and toys when you suddenly felt suffocated. The air you inhaled felt thick and you began to cough. You had dropped everything you were holding to the floor, bringing your hands up to your neck and started coughing harder and harder trying to breath in the perfectly clean air around you. You parents ran into your room hearing your struggle and tried patting you on the back, not aware of what was going on. Your coughing started to mix with horrifying screams as you felt a serious burning cover your neck. It was the worst pain you had experienced so far in your life and the day your parents feared had finally come. Your hands desperately clawed at your own face, peeling off the skin which was seemingly melting away around your right eye while your parents tried to stop you from doing any further damage but it was too far gone to save any skin now.

After the first wave of pain hit you, your parents rushed you to the hospital as fast as they could, not caring for anything else going on around them. It was common for a hospital to be full, soulmate injuries happening all the time. It was actually the most common place to meet your other half but this was not your case at all and wouldn't be for a very long time. Doctors and nurses rushed you into the emergency room, alerting the workers of what had happened to you and successfully catching the attention of everyone around you including waiting patients. When others around you had seen your melted face, many vomited right then and there while others shied away from the sight, close to adding to the mess of puke already on the floor. The nurses' faces went pale as they looked over your injury and you began screaming again, feeling a horrible pressure press up against your burn. Your soulmate must be trying to fix their own burn on their own because the pressure felt a lot like a small hand pressed up against the side of your face, making the burning sensation even worse. The nurses' eyes dripped with tears from the sight of the terribly injured child before them but quickly collected themselves like they were taught to and knew that they had to get themselves under control for your sake and to make you feel better and heal as fast as you could. You cried out for your parents as you were taken away by a doctor and her nurses around her. “Everything is going to be ok.” They promised you. “It will all be better soon.” But the scar the incident left behind would only bring you more pain than you ever would have expected.

Upon waking up, you were unable to see out of your right eye and began to panic. “Mommy! Daddy! … Mommy!!” You screamed out, thrashing around in your hospital bed. Nurses quickly rushed into the room and held you down to prevent you from messing with your face for a second time, worrying that they were too late. Another ran in and stopped when she saw the heartbreaking scene and slowly walked over to you. “My dear, you are going to have to calm down. You are hurting yourself.” She instructed, taking your small hand in hers. “Mommy?” You hiccuped, your face wet with tears. “No, darling. They will be back soon.” She told you, giving you a sad smile. You took a small shaky breath, tears still falling down your face and nodded to her, curling your small hand into a fist in her hold, slowly pulling away. “Why can’t I see?” You whimpered, reaching a hand up to touch whatever was keeping you from seeing. “No,no! Don’t touch it! You have a wrap over your face to help you get better ok? You won’t be able to see for awhile.” She explained. “Oh…” Was all you could think to say and laid back down with your face pointed at the ceiling. A few of the nurses left your hospital room while others stayed to check your vitals which did startle you. Who were these people and where were your parents? All you wanted was your parents.

It wasn’t until the next day did your wish come true. Your parents rushed into your room to see you and your mother crumbled into your father's side in tears. You recognize your father standing in the door and reached out for him. “Hello, princess …” He smiled at you, taking your hand. “Daddy!” You giggled, wincing at the sharp pain that shot through the injured half of your face. “Yes, hello! How are you feeling?” He asked you, gently brushing your hair out of your face. Your mother cleaned the tears off of her face and smiled at you, taking your other hand. “I can’t see.” You told them, looking over at your mother. “What?” You mom asked, her face dropping. “My eye is covered. They said it was going to make me feel better!” You happily explained to her with the part of your smile that wasn't covered. “Oh… dear, you frightened me …” She sighed, a hand resting on her chest. “I'm sorry, mommy.” You apologized, squeezing her hand. “Oh! Dear, no! You are perfectly fine!” She chuckled, running her thumb over your hand. Your smile returned to your face after hearing your mother's words and you told them about all of the nice nurses that had been helping you while they were gone. They were pleased to hear about how well things went and made sure to thank all nurses and doctors that helped their daughter recover. You went home with the bandage still on your face which meant you would need your parents help getting around and taking care of the injury but you weren't complaining.

Your parents loving looks towards you never changed unlike those around you. As you healed, you were able to remove your bandage from off of your eye and you were absolutely happy to be able to see everything from your right eye again. Your skin felt like it was tugging at the side of your face and everything felt so rough to you. The first time you looked into the mirror after the incident, you almost didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at you. Your hair was untouched and so was your eye but the skin on the right half of your face was red and scarred and you feared yourself for the longest time. Your parents explained to you that nothing had changed about you as a person, your face just healed the best it could and tried its best to return to its original look. They made you feel proud of your appearance and body but others did the opposite.

“Ew! What happened to your face!” They would point and laugh and grimace and when you tried to tell them what your parents had told you, they completely broke you apart. Unfortunately for them, you weren’t one to take insults like that. You shot back 10 times harder and let your young voice be heard. It happened all the time but you had already accepted yourself and what had happened so any negative comments people would throw your way would do absolutely nothing to you and only made you feel more and more confident in yourself. “They don’t know what it’s like and that’s ok. I am beautiful.” You encourage yourself with your head held high.

_______

“Good luck and we love you.” Your mother sniffled. “Please, don’t cry, mother! I will be back soon. I will visit as much as I can.” You told her, taking her hands. “I know, I know. But you’re just so far away.” She wiped her tears away, reminding you of that day in the hospital. “You stay out of trouble, now.” Your father smiled, bringing you into a hug. “I can’t promise anything.” You chuckled. Your father shook his head and let you go and you took a deep breath. “Bye mom … dad.” You waved, trying your hardest not to cry. “Goodbye, dear. We love you.” Your mom waved back, standing at her husband's side. “I love you guys more. Goodbye.” Your mom shook her head and continued to wave as the car you got in drove off down the road, the figure of your parents getting smaller and smaller.

When you were too far to see them anymore, you moved out of the window and sat down. “Quite the goodbye.” The driver said, looking at you through the mirror. “The hardest.” You replied, looking down at your bag. It was silent for a while till the driver spoke up but not without hesitation. “I know this may be rude …. But I was wondering what is on your face?” He asked, glancing at you through the mirror every other second, most likely examining your mask. You were silent, thinking of how to answer his question this time around when he spoke up. “I'm sorry… I shouldn’t have asked …” He apologized, scratching his stubble covered chin. “No, no. It’s ok. Uhm, when I was younger, I got a pretty nasty burn. It bothered people a lot so I figured I would wear a mask. Makes it easier for me and them.” You told him, reaching under your mask to itch your scars which he noticed. “Is it uncomfortable?” He asked again, not bothering to look back at you again. “Yeah,” You sighed. “It gets on my nerves a lot.” You said to him, pulling your mask back into place. “You don’t have to wear it here. I'm not one to judge.” He smiled. “Are you sure?” You asked, reaching up to take the mask off. He nodded his head and looked back at the road to focus on driving and you thanked him. You smiled and removed the mask from your face, undoing the straps and putting it in your bag.

_______

“Here we are. You sure you don’t want me to drive you all the way up there?” He asked, turning around to look at you, not flinching away at your scar covered face at all. “I'm alright. Thank you so much. You really do have a kind soul, sir.” You said while pulling your bags out of the car. “Well, thank you too. And hey, as much as people might get in your hair because of the way you look, you keep moving forward. You're a strong kid. I can tell.” You nodded at him and waved goodbye as he drove off back to the main road. You walked through the large open gates and up the gravel path to the large house that awaited you.

“Uhm …”

Knock

You hit the door with your knuckles and waited for someone to open the door. You jumped out of your skin when you heard the door open, its old hinges screeching against each other. “Hello?” You called out, walking through the door. “My name is (y/n). I'm the nanny?” You raised a brow and set your things down on the couch by the door and looked around. You wandered around the house, peeking into every room to get a feel for the place when you stumbled across a neat, typed out sheet of rules that sat right next to a porcelain doll. “Brahms?” You picked the doll up and held it out in front of you, really questioning if this is what you came all this way for. “Oh my god. What did I just get myself into.” You mumbled to yourself. “Ms (L/n) I presume?” A voice greeted from behind you. You gasped and carefully laid the doll down on its side to turn around. An older lady stood at the bedroom door with a smile on her face, waiting for your reply. “Mrs. Heelshire. I am so, so sorry. The door just opened … on its own? So I walked in but no one was there.” You explained to her in a flustered manner. “No worries, it must have been Brahms that opened the door. I'm surprised he did that.” She gestured to the doll. You gave out a few laughs before looking at her face and realizing she was serious. You cleared your throat and looked down at your feet and back up to her. “I am glad you have already had the chance to meet and hold Brahms. He really does seem to like you.” Mrs. Heelshire shrugged. “Oh, yes. He is a very lovely boy.” You nodded which made her smile. “I'm glad to hear that. Me and my husband are leaving tonight so I figured I would explain everything to you before we left.” Mrs. Heelshire said while walking over to the doll and picking it up off of its side to sit it back up.

_______

“Goodbye.” You closed the door behind the two and let out a long breath. “Oh my god. Oh my god. What the hell.” You panicked, looking around the large house. You were about to enter the kitchen when you heard a door slam shut, making you yelp. “Hello! Who’s there!” You shouted out, grabbing a large knife to protect yourself with. Another door slammed shut behind you making you scream and run up to your room with the knife held tightly in your right hand. “Brahms! If this is you!” You shakily called out to the boy. “Play with me.” A young boy's voice called out to you. The adrenaline racing throughout your body made your heart pump and brought tears to your eyes. “Ok. I'm coming.” You took a deep breath and put the knife down, making the decision to play it safe in case there were to be an actual child running around the long halls of the large mansion. You walked into Brahms’s bedroom and slowly walked over to the doll sitting on the bed. You looked around to see if there was an actual child hiding somewhere nearby but when you found nothing, you quickly looked back over to the doll. “You wanna play?” You asked the doll, picking it up and resting it on your hip. “Well, that isn’t on the list, so.” You scolded him, picking the paper up off the covers and reading over it.

You started with his lessons, sitting him by you while you struggled to play the piano. After about an hour of that, you picked Brahms up and carried him to a large chair that you pulled in front of your own seat. You picked up a poem book and began to read to him loud and clear for as long as needed and played his music. You walked around the house with Brahms to clean the place up, dusting, wiping things down, sweeping and mopping everything you could while swaying to the sound of the song playing in the background. When the music stopped, you left Brahms to put everything away. When you came back, Brahms was no longer sitting where he once was and you felt your heart pounding in your chest. “Brahms?” You yelled, quickly walking all throughout the house trying to find where he went off too. “I'm sorry. I forgot about the rule to never leave you alone.” You apologized to him once you found him looking out the glass doors that lead to a balcony on the top floor. You picked him up and looked outside at the green trees surrounding the place. It was warm enough that you wouldn’t want to layer up during the daytime so you figured it would be nice to take him to the balcony.

Lifting the latch to the door, you pulled them open to let in the fresh outside air. “Nice, isn’t it.” You smiled walking forward to lean on the railing with Brahms still in your arms but you weren't expecting the railing underneath you to be so weak and crumble apart when you put your weight on it and you fell forward. The broken stone stabbed into your stomach as you fell down to the ground, trying to curl your body to keep Brahms safe but you were too late in catching yourself and began to fall off of the balcony. You let out a very loud scream as you fell off the platform, throwing Brahms behind you so he didn’t fall down with you. You had thought that you had met your end until you felt a large hand grip the back of your shirt and prevent you from falling all the way to the ground from the top floor. The person behind you grabbed your leg and pulled you back onto the balcony, hugging you close. You were about to scream out for the stranger to let you go but felt a warm feeling flow throughout your body. Your burns marks began to disappear and the scratches and stab wound closed up and the dark blood that stained your clothing was the only proof left that it had actually happened.

Brahms felt the change as well and let you go so he could back away to reach his hand under his mask to feel his face. It felt smooth under his touch for once and he was startled. What have you done? Where were his scars? He snapped his head up to look at you and you quickly stood up to run off. You didn’t catch him speed off until he was already through the doors, the doll in his hand. “Wait! Hold on!” You called after him, quickly getting up and pulling your mask off of your face to let it fall to the ground. You had abandoned it with the broken stones that made up the railing of the balcony and left the doors open as well. You sprinted after him, catching his sleeve in the process and pulled as hard as you could. Brahms stumbled back and wrapped his hand around your neck, lifting you up before slamming you into the ground. Your head collided with the hardwood floor of the house leaving you dizzy and causing Brahms to feel the same. He loosened his grip on your throat and waited for the throbbing in the back of his head to stop before looking back at you. When he felt his airway closing up as he held his large hand down on your throat, it finally hit him. “Soulmate.” A deeper voice whispered. His hand lifted off of your neck allowing you to take a deep breath of air and pulled you back into his lap.

The doll was discarded by a decorative chair by the both of you and his new free hand came over to wrap itself around your body. He held you as close as he could, his mask getting in the way of him pressing his face into your hair. He removed his mask without a second thought and nuzzled his face into your neck. He had never felt this type of calm before. It was new to him and it made his heart beat fast and his skin tingle. You tried moving away from the man holding you but his grip on you only got tighter. He found his other half and there was no way he was letting you go now. “You’re my soulmate.” You whispered, trying to comprehend everything that was happening. You closed your eyes and leaned back into Brahms chest and felt a feeling that you had never felt before.

Love

You felt at home in his arms. You didn’t care if it was in the snow, in the heat, or in the dirt. Wherever he was, was where your home would be. He felt the need to be closer to you than possible and just held you there, enjoying the time he was sharing with you. “(Y/n)...” The low voice spoke just above a whisper. Hearing him speak made you want to cry a river of tears of joy. His voice was like a sweet melody in your ears, so soft and soothing and you could listen to it all day long. You could listen to it for the rest of your life.

#brahms heelshire #brahms #brahms the boy #the boy #brahms x reader #brahms imagine #brahms heelshire x reader #slasher blog #slasher x reader #slasher x s/o #slasher x you

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eldritchw1tch · 3 years

Text

i don’t want you like a best friend: a tswift-pimms playlist

link

this is the pimms playlist i spent more than a year working on from like, 2018 to the end of 2019! as such, it only contains music up through lover, not anything from folklore or evermore. @permets-2 finally poked me into posting the liner notes, which I gave up on because tumblr formatting was fighting me, so please know i haven’t actually looked at them since 2019 and there might still be missing things? idk.

this playlist is absolutely dedicated to my beloved @faiasakura, who did her own version of an all-tswift pimms playlist completely independently (we actively avoided comparing notes, lol), which can be found here!

i don’t really go here lately but i hope this is of interest to someone!

Prologue

1. Don’t Blame Me (reputation)

for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay

…

Lord save me, my drug is my baby

I'll be usin' for the rest of my life

Act 1: The Q

2. Gorgeous (reputation)

a crush

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

…

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But what can I say?

You're gorgeous

3. Treacherous (Red)

something magnetic, pulling them both in

And I'll do anything you say

If you say it with your hands

And I'd be smart to walk away

But you're quicksand

…

Your name has echoed through my mind

And I just think you should, think you should know

That nothing safe is worth the drive

And I will follow you, follow you home

4. Dress (reputation)

a shared and precious secret: love, desperate and messy and everything. But also: the scrutiny, the frenetic anxiety, the fear.

I’m spilling wine in the bathtub

You kiss my face and we're both drunk

Everyone thinks that they know us

But they know nothing about—

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you

5. Tied Together With a Smile (Taylor Swift)

the pressure builds; jack’s anxiety gets worse

Hold on, baby you're losing it

The water's high, you're jumping into it

And letting go, and no one knows

That you cry, but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile

But you're coming undone

6. Long Live (Speak Now)

the glory, the playoffs, the memorial cup: the golden boys of hockey, on top of the world

Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

…

Hold on, to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall

7. State of Grace (Red)

the 34 days, inside kent’s euphoria

This is a state of grace

This is the worthwhile fight

Love is a ruthless game

Unless you play it good and right

These are the hands of fate

You’re my Achilles heel

this is the golden age of something good and right and real

8. Cruel Summer (Lover)

(that golden season and its dark underbelly)

So cut the headlights, summer's a knife

I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

9. Haunted (Speak Now)

the overdose: kent finds jack on the bathroom floor

Whoa, holding my breath

Won't lose you again

Something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted

10. I Know Places (1989)

kent in the waiting room, holding on hope

Something happens when everybody finds out

See the vultures circling, dark clouds

Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out

It could burn out

…

Lights flash and we'll run for the fences

Let them say what they want, we won't hear it

Loose lips sink ships all the damn time

Not this time

Act 2: The Fallout

11. The Story of Us (Speak Now)

kent goes to the draft; jack won’t answer his calls

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room

And we're not speaking

And I'm dying to know

Is it killing you like it's killing me?

Yeah, and I don't know what to say

Since the twist of fate, when it all broke down

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

…

The battle's in your hands now

But I would lay my armor down

If you say you'd rather love than fight

12. Last Kiss (Speak Now)

jack and kent, the same realization from opposite sides

So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is

I don't know how to be something you miss

I never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

13. Death By A Thousand Cuts (Lover)

Starting to live with the devastation and the broken heart

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

’Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

14. If This Was A Movie (Speak Now)

regrets and memories

Last night, I heard my own heart beating

Sounded like footsteps on my stairs

Six months gone and I'm still reaching

Even though I know you're not there

I was playing back a thousand memories, baby

Thinkin' 'bout everything we've been through

Maybe I've been going back too much lately

When time stood still and I had you

15. Cold as You (Taylor Swift)

the grief and pain become anger and bitterness

And when you take, you take the very best of me

So I start a fight cause I need to feel something

And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

…

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray

And I stood there loving you and wished them all away

And you come away with a great little story

Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Interlude 1: Jack

16. I Almost Do (Red)

kent doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does (but jack doesn’t either)

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you

‘Cause each time you reach out, there’s no reply

I bet it never, ever occurred to you

That I can’t say hello to you

And risk another goodbye

…

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

It’s probably better off this way

And I confess, babe

In my dreams, you’re touching my face

And asking me if I want to try again with you

And I almost do

Act 3: Coming of Age in Vegas

17. New Romantics (1989)

vegas; teammates; living in the moment; drinking, dancing, and self-destructing

We're all here, the lights and boys are blinding

We hang back, it's all in the timing

It's poker

He can't see it in my face

But I'm about to play my Ace (ahh)

We need love, but all we want is danger

We team up, then switch sides like a record changer

The rumors are terrible and cruel

But honey, most of them are true

…

Heartbreak is the national anthem

We sing it proudly

We’re too busy dancing (yeah) to get knocked off our feet

Baby, we're the new romantics

The best people in life are free

18. Begin Again (Red)

kent starts to move on

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did

I've been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again

19. The Way I Loved You (Fearless)

all the drinking and dancing and dating still feel empty and hollow; he just wants to feel again; he just wants that love back

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

It's 2 AM and I'm cursing your name

I'm so in love that I acted insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breaking down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kind of rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

…

He can't see the smile I'm faking

And my heart's not breaking

'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

And you were wild and crazy

Just so frustrating

Intoxicating, complicated

20. The Lucky One (Red)

kent parson: the loneliest boy, so alone at the top of the world

You had it figured out since you were in school

Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool

So overnight, you look like a sixties queen

…

And they tell you that you’re lucky, but you’re so confused

'Cause you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used

And all the young things line up to take your place

—

Another name goes up in lights

You wonder if you’ll make it out alive

21. Come In With The Rain (Fearless)

(starting to move on is not the same as letting go)

I’ve watched you so long, screamed your name

I don’t know what else I can say

…

But I’ll leave my window open

'Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name

Just know I’m right here hoping

That you’ll come in with the rain

Act 4: Implosion

22. Out of the Woods (1989)

memories he can’t escape of a love like a car crash

The night we couldn't quite forget

When we decided, we decided

To move the furniture so we could dance

Baby, like we stood a chance

Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying

And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet?

…

You took a Polaroid of us

Then discovered (then discovered)

The rest of the world was black and white

But we were in screaming color

23. Red (Red)

Kent decides to go to epikegster

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati

Down a dead-end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin

Ending so suddenly

…

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head

In burning red

Loving him was red

24. The Last Time (Red)

didja miss me? (something tentative; something a little bit hopeful on both sides)

Find myself at your door

Just like all those times before

I’m not sure how I got there

All roads they lead me here

I imagine you are home

In your room, all alone

And you open your eyes into mine

And everything feels better

25. The Archer (Lover)

kent tries to extend an olive branch but it’s still covered in thorns

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

…

I've been the archer, I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling

But who could stay?

…

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

26. Bad Blood (1989)

jack’s answer to kent’s wounded lashing out

Oh, it's so sad to

Think about the good times

You and I

…

’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

So take a look what you've done

’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!

27. Breathe (Fearless)

kent, driving away from epikegster

I see your face in my mind as I drive away

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

…

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

…

And I can't breathe without you, but I have to

Breathe without you but I have to

28. All Too Well (Red)

despite all the pain, there’s an irresistible nostalgia for what they had all those years ago—for when things were so much simpler

Maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

'Til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

Too well

…

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again

But I'm still trying to find it

Interlude 2: Kent

29. Fifteen (Fearless)

a memory, a reflection

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen and your first kiss

Makes your head spin 'round

But in your life you'll do things greater than

Dating the boy on the football team

But I didn't know it at fifteen

…

When all you wanted was to be wanted

Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

Act 5: Moving On, Growing Up

30. Clean (1989)

finally learning to be his own person, separate from that shared past

There was nothing left to do (Oh-oh, oh-oh)

When the butterflies turned to

Dust that covered my whole room

So I punched a hole in the roof (Oh-oh, oh-oh)

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

…

The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud

But no one heard a thing

…

Rain came pouring down

When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe

And by morning

Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

31. 22 (Red)

friends and freedom, and real joy in that this time around

It feels like a perfect night

To dress up like hipsters

And make fun of our exes, uh-uh, uh-uh

It feels like a perfect night

For breakfast at midnight

To fall in love with strangers, uh-uh, uh-uh

…

Yeah

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time

It's miserable and magical, oh, yeah

Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines

It's time, oh-oh

32. So It Goes… (reputation)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

'Cause we break down a little

But when you get me alone, it's so simple

'Cause baby, I know what you know

We can feel it

…

And all the pieces fall right into place

Getting caught up in a moment

Lipstick on your face

So it goes…

…

I'm yours to keep

And I'm yours to lose

You know I'm not a bad girl, but I

Do bad things with you

So it goes…

33. Dancing With Our Hands Tied (reputation)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

I, I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah, we love without reason

Oh, twenty-five years old

Oh, how were you to know?

…

Could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I had a bad feeling

…

I'd kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I'd hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

34. Wildest Dreams (1989)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

He's so tall and handsome as hell

He's so bad, but he does it so well

I can see the end as it begins

My one condition is

…

Say you'll remember me

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset, babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your

Wildest dreams, ah-aah, haa

34. Shake It Off (1989)

At the top of his game, at the top of his sport, and actually happy at long last

I never miss a beat

I'm lightning on my feet

And that's what they don’t see, mm, mm

…

But I keep cruisin'

Can't stop, won't stop groovin'

It's like I got this music in my mind

Saying it's gonna be alright

…

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

35. Holy Ground (Red)

Remembering with enough distance and experience to appreciate what was, not ache from it

Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress

We had this big wide city all to ourselves

We blocked the noise with the sound of, "I need you"

And for the first time, I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story's got dust on every page

But sometimes, I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd

…

'Cause darling, it was good

Never looking down

And right there where we stood

Was holy ground

Act 6: Reunion

36. ME! (Lover)

reconnection, reconciliation, re-appreciation

I know I tend to make it about me

I know you never get just what you see

But I will never bore you, baby

(And there's a lot of lame guys out there)

…

'Cause one of these things is not like the others

Livin' in winter, I am your summer

Baby doll, when it comes to a lover

I promise that you'll never find another like me-e-e

37. This Love (1989)

an unexpected reawakening

Tossing, turning

Struggled through the night with someone new

And I could go on and on, on and on

Lantern, burning

Flickered in my mind, only you

But you were still gone, gone, gone

…

Been losing grip, on sinking ships

You showed up just in time

…

This love is good, this love is bad

This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh

These hands had to let it go free, and

This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

38. End Game (reputation) (ft. ed sheeran as jack)

After all this time, there are things they aren’t ever going to let go of again, no matter the trouble they bring

I got a bad boy persona, that's what they like (what they like)

You love it, I love it too 'cause you my type (You my type)

You hold me down, and I protect you with my life

…

I don't wanna touch you, I don't wanna be

Just another ex-love you don’t wanna see

I don’t wanna miss you (I don't wanna miss you)

Like the other girls do

I don’t wanna hurt you, I just wanna be

Drinking on a beach with you all over me

I know what they all say (I know what they all say)

But I ain't tryna play

…

I wanna be your end game (End game)

I wanna be your first string (First string)

I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team)

I wanna be your end game, end game

39. You Are In Love (1989)

something real; something sacred; something to build a life on

You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you

You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you

You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out)

You are in love, true love

You are in love

…

You kiss on sidewalks

You fight and you talk

One night, he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says "You're my best friend"

And you knew what it was, he is in love

40. Change (Fearless)

when the two biggest hockey players of their generation come out of the closet—together—are in love with each other—it changes more lives than just theirs

So we've been outnumbered, raided, and now cornered

It's hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found

They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

You can walk away, say we don't need this

But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this

…

'Cause these things will change

Can you feel it now?

These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down

This revolution, the time will come

For us to finally win

And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah

Oh, oh

41. Call It What You Want (reputation)

When it stops mattering what anyone else thinks

All my flowers grew back as thorns

Windows boarded up after the storm

He built a fire just to keep me warm

All the drama queens taking swings

All the jokers dressing up as kings

They fade to nothing when I look at him

And I know I make the same mistakes every time

Bridges burn, I never learn

At least I did one thing right

I did one thing right

I'm laughing with my lover, makin' forts under covers

Trust him like a brother

Yeah, you know I did one thing right

Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night

…

My baby's fit like a daydream

Walking with his head down

I'm the one he's walking to

So call it what you want, yeah

Call it what you want to

42. Lover (Lover)

love

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

And this is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?

…

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close?

Forever and ever, ah

Take me out, and take me home

You're my, my, my, my lover

43. New Year’s Day (reputation)

love

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi

I can tell that it's gonna be a long road

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

…

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we're making mistakes

I want your midnights

But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

44. Daylight (Lover)

Building a new life in the daylight

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven

I'll tell you truth, but never goodbye

…

I once believed love would be (burning red)

But it's golden

Like daylight, like daylight

Like daylight, daylight

…

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

56 notes · View notes

lilacandladybugs · 3 years

Note

hey since youre talking about christianity, i was wondering if you could answer a question ive been curious about. if god cares about people and if jesus died for our sins, then why does hell exist? and if god cares about us then why did he let so much bad stuff happened in his name, and even cause it, like with the noah’s arch story?

sorry if any of this is wrong ive never read the bible, but ive had bad experiences with christianity in the past and the way you talk about it seems much nicer than the way i know it

I don’t think I can answer this question in a way that doesn’t come across as pretentious or like I’m asking for an argument or just being straight up unsatisfying. But I just am going to try anyway because i'm hoping that maybe this will be comforting or helpful to someone. I’m sorry if this is offensive I am really trying my best, please take this all in the best possible way and be gracious with me

The thing about this ask is that it’s actually a bunch of different questions, and since each of them individually is really hard to answer so I’m going to narrow it down to just one ( im sorry ;-; ) . The one I’ve thought about the most is “Why does God let bad things happen if he loves us?”

When this question first really occurred to me, I was already a believer. So I was already pretty convinced that God exists logically, from the perspective of history, philosophy, science, and my personal experience. I believed in the /existence/ of the God who is represented in the scriptures. (I doubt anyone wants it but I can give you a list of resources if you want to look into any of that.) The struggle for me was whether or not all that evidence held true in the face of this moral dilemma; the problem of evil in the presence of a loving God.

But I just couldn’t turn my back on the concept of a moral grounding in God. I had a philosophy professor tell me that people are mortal and so we shouldn’t grieve them like they’re immortal, that grief is a choice, and that trauma is a choice. I respected her so much, but I just couldn’t accept that. There’s nothing more unsettling to me than suggesting that cruelty and death and suffering are only wrong because you think they are, and not because they’re violating sacred ancient laws. My friends dying, people hurting me, that isn’t just in my head. It’s /real/. They’re really dead, and it really matters. People really did something wrong when they hurt me, and it isn’t my fault for being hurt. It’s their fault for being cruel. And their cruelty is objectively morally wrong.

I realized that if I became an atheist I would have to accept the fact that there isn’t /objectively/ any difference between right and wrong. There isn’t any theoretical “right way” that the world should be. But to me, there is a right way it should be. There is a right way and it was lost because of sin.

It was I guess comforting that Christianity provided the premises I needed to ask a question like this. Evil exists. And love exists. So how can God exist? What a comforting question, in a way. To get to grieve, to be angry, to wonder what’s going on, to want things to be different. It was validating i guess

Don’t get me wrong i was FURIOUS i was so angry. I was so angry and so conflicted I kind of thought I might just like rip apart at my seams but I just felt caught between a rock and a hard place to be either abandoned by God or to not even be able to think about my experiences in a way that felt coherent.

He showed up though. I remember swearing at him, and laying up at night thinking he wasn’t there, I told him I wouldn’t have to have trauma if he would’ve stepped in, that my friends wouldn’t be dead, that he let it happen to me, that he just /witnessed/ it. And man idk he just showed up. He showed up every time. I almost walked away like five times that summer. And every time he sent someone, there was always someone that showed up and talked to me like out of nowhere. Or music, or scripture, or something someone said in passing.

The night that it was really bad was when I realized that the only person who could save me was God and I cried out to him, and I just idk I’ve never been so desperate. I went to church the next day against my will and the sermon felt like it was written for me specifically. I cried through the whole thing.

If God is goodness, then how can I say he isn’t with me and around me constantly? In the sunrise and sunset, in the stars, in flowers, and in kind words. In sermons. In friends and family. In all the coincidences that stopped me from becoming an atheist, all of the answered prayers and the impossibilities. That’s why my side blog is called @in-the-whisper. Because I felt him there, even though it hurt, he was with me in the quiet and in the silence, in his whisper in a thousand different ways.

I was posed this question by someone who was there for me in one of those moments where I almost walked away from God, “Is sufficiency abundant?” I guess I thought it was. Where was God? In the peace that surpasses understanding. In the knowledge that everything is finished, that he died for us, that he didn’t abandon us. That whatever terrible things happen, he was willing to take all of the consequences for that onto himself in the person of Jesus. That one day he will set things right, even though it isn’t right right now.

It comes down to the Gospel (good news, core story of the Christian faith); humanity actively chose to walk away from God in an act of rebellion. We had free will because God created us tenderly to be in a loving relationship with him, and loving relationships must be based on free will and they must be two way. So he let us walk away from him, and away from the sustainer of life our bodies break, our world crumbles, and we die. In order to bridge that gap, he chose to die in our place, so that we could re enter that free will relationship with him if we so choose. He died on the cross, descended into hell, and then in three days he rose from the grave, defeating death. And one day he will return on a white horse to rescue us and to take the world back as his own. If I believed that to be true, then I believed in the greatest intervention in human history that has ever occurred. The God of the Bible isn’t a distant God, "God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him." 1 John 4:9 He did the unthinkable for us.

Living in light of the gospel helped me to understand the way that God is present in my life, my present, past, and in my future. It gave me peace. When Horatio G. Spafford’s two daughters and wife died in a shipwreck, he wrote this,

“When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul."

“Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control: that Christ has regarded my helpless estate and has shed His own blood for my soul.

“My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought. My sin, not in part, but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

“And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight The clouds be rolled back as a scroll The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend Even so, it is well with my soul!

“It is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul.”

I don’t have an answer for your question. What I know is that I am willing to rest in the knowledge of my personal experiences and my research that God exists, that he is loving, and that he is powerful, just, and wise. Even the winds and the seas obey him, the mountains are like pebbles to him, thunder rolls at the sound of his voice. He had thought before time began, he gave all knowledge and all wisdom to us.

Why do bad things happen also brings up the question, why do good things happen? Who do we have to thank when we get up in the morning and can see or hear or move or are alive in general? Why are we so blessed as to have two days and not just one? Where do mornings and complexity and beauty and wonder come from? They come from him. Not because we need it, but because he wants to give it to us. Enjoyment, existence, love, laughter, thought, beauty, heartbreak. The world is just as beautiful as it is terrible, and why should it be beautiful? Because he wants it to be that way.

God is so patient. He is so patient and kind and powerful, and he wants to hear your questions. Some of them, like this one, are in my opinion something that you have to talk to him about directly. He gives us thought and logic and reason and wisdom, and he asks for us to engage him. He will answer.

If any believers are reading this, I want you to know that it is enough to cry out to him in pain. It is enough to want to want to believe in him. He would so much rather hear from you in your anger than never hear from you at all. Seek him out, he will find you. He will chase after you.

I bet that he would chase after me, bet my life on it. I might not know the answer, but I am confident enough in what I do know that I’m willing to bet my existence that God will come true on his promises, that he will deliver me, that everything will be okay, that he is bigger than my trauma, and that he will hold me.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. 12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. 13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.” Isaiah 55:8-13

And I’m holding him to that promise.

#christianity #religion #christianity tw #religion tw #god #grief #grief tw #ask to tag #anon #this is definitely insufficient and im sorry #this is all i have to offer right now #its a hard thing to articulate ig #not mcyt

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snkpolls · 3 years

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SnK Episodes 73 & 74 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 135 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE EPISODE 73: SAVAGERY 129 responses

As expected, this highly anticipated episode didn’t fail to deliver and fans absolutely loved it, with over 95% giving it a 4-5 star rating.

I loved the episode 73. The fight between Levi and Zeke was spectacular! The animation was 10/10, definitely worth watching. Good, old Kenny's theme brought memories back. I have to admit that Mappa made Levi look hundred times better and definitely more masculine.

RATE EPISODE 74: SOLE SALVATION 128 responses

While episode 74 generated slightly less enthusiasm across the board, it still managed to garner a high rating from respondents.

when i read the manga version, i wasn't that much moved by zeke's backstory. but with the music, voice and color additions... it's fucking heartbreaking. mappa did an outstanding job. and the tension when he activated the thunder spear???? the animation? we were blessed. ALSO! the movement of the bodies when they threw the ball looked so realistic! it's a tiny detail that i loved.

Zook

WHICH WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF EPISODE 73? 128 responses

Levi vs. Zeke 2.0 got the largest piece of the pie, getting 23.4% of the vote. Behind that was the moment when Levi had to kill his comrades in titan form (14.8%), Armin punching Eren in the face (14.1%), Eren disparaging Armin and Mikasa (11.7%), and at 8.6%, that one screenshot of Armin the entire fandom was thirsting over. Shoutout to the person in the comments who wanted Mikasa to pin them down (the pollster writing this feels the same!).

💥🐒 mOnKe and Lebi 🍄and Jean go BOOM 🐎💥

For me, the real gem of EMA talk isn't that one Armin frame that everyone's going crazy about. It's the frame before it, that low angle of Mikasa half sitting on the table holding Armin down. Holy...I wanted to be Armin so bad right at that moment.

WHICH WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF EPISODE 74? 127 responses

35.4% felt the most memorable scene from this episode was the ending scene where Zeke triggers the thunderspear and sends Levi flying. Behind that was the moment where Zeke listens to Grisha yelling through the door (18.1%), Zeke and Ksaver coming up with the euthenasia plan together (8.7%) and Ksaver telling Zeke to sell out his parents (7.9%).

EPISODE 73 IS TITLED, “SAVAGERY.” OF THE OPTIONS BELOW, WHICH CHARACTER DO YOU THINK BEST EXEMPLIFIED THIS WORD? 128 responses

In an episode filled with both verbal and physical violence, we asked which character you thought best exemplified the episode’s title. 35.2% felt that Eren was the worst offender with his words and actions against Armin and Mikasa. 29.7% felt that Levi’s violent acts against Zeke were deserving of the title “savagery.” Only 22.7% felt that Floch most suited the episode title, while just a small handful, 12.5%, felt that Zeke is the one most deserving of the term.

HOW BADLY DID YOU FEEL ABOUT LEVI HAVING TO KILL HIS OWN SQUAD? 127 responses

The majority felt, on at least some level, sorrow for what Levi had to do in order to survive and catch up to Zeke. Though a small handful didn’t feel too bad for our Captain.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW WOULD YOU RATE LEVI VS. ZEKE 2.0? 127 responses

In general, the fight received positive reception. Though it wasn’t all hype, as the highest ranking was actually a 4 and not a 5. It was hype, but not quite hype enough for us manga readers.

I loved Levi vs Zeke 2.0 but they really should have used the instrumental version instead of K21, I laughed out loud when I heard that beacuse I felt like it took all the seriousness from the scene

levi and zeke goat

WHY DO YOU THINK FLOCH MADE THE RECRUITS BATTER INSTRUCTOR SHADIS? 128 responses

The majority of respondents feel that Floch’s motivations are a mix of factors. For those who did think there was a more specific reason, though, 16.4% felt it’s simply a matter of Floch having a massive ego trip. 10.2% feel that Floch truly believes what he says about taking out the old and bringing in the new, and 7.8% believe Floch simply wanted to make an example out of Shadis (presumably alluding to the fate of those who resist the Yeagerists).

He was testing if the recruits can go this far

He wants to intimidate people into joining his cause by using violence and threats of arrest and also make them feel empowered by his ideals.

Standard protocol when there's a change of regime, you'd want to eliminate the old guards' influence ASAP.

That's how fascism works

All of the above and the fact that he's a fascist.

HOW CUTE WAS BITTY ZEKE? 130 responses

After a long time waiting, we finally got to see child Zeke in animated form. The vast majority think he was cute as a button, ready to pinch his little baby cheeks! Only a small handful think bby Zeke is anything but cute.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GRISHA’S TREATMENT OF ZEKE? 130 responses

This chapter created more controversy surrounding Grisha after it’s publication. In general, fans still aren’t particularly proud of Grisha’s behavior. 36.9% felt that Zeke didn’t deserve any of the treatment he got from his father, and 24.6% outright want to give Grisha the award for worst parent in the entire series. 24.6% don’t approve of Grisha’s behavior, but they do empathize with the way Grisha must have felt. 10.8% feel that while he could have treated Zeke better, he also could have been much worse.

Zeke was a sweet child but no child deserves to be treated like that regardless of how nice or well behaved they are. Grisha is disgusting.

Grisha was a large dick and asshole and he deserved the all punishment he got.

Grisha is a terrible father but such a well written character

it's crazy to me how people really thought grisha wasn't that in the wrong in terms of how he raised zeke.

DO YOU FEEL THAT ZEKE WOULD HAVE GROWN INTO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT KIND OF PERSON IF GRISHA HAD TREATED HIM BETTER? 129 responses

Just over half of respondents think it’s possible Zeke could have become a different kind of person if he’d had a brighter and happier childhood, though they didn’t want to say for sure as they feel that Grisha’s treatment wasn’t the sole reason why Zeke sees the world the way he does. 41.9% believe that the outcome of Zeke’s mindset would have been completely different. Only a few think that he would have come to the same conclusions about the world either way.

Unless Grisha gives up being a restorationist I don't see it as better treatment, if he does then yes

Yes. The whole point for the euthanasia plan was that Eldian children don't have to go through what he went through.

WHO DO YOU THINK HAD A BIGGER IMPACT IN SHAPING ZEKE’S WORLDVIEW? 126 responses

When it comes to “father figures” in Zeke’s life, 65.1% believe that Ksaver holds much more responsibility than Grisha does when it comes to the way Zeke views the world.

WHO TURNED OUT MORE LIKE GRISHA, IN YOUR OPINION? 128 responses

Between Grisha’s two sons, 68% of respondents feel that Eren is the brother who turned out much more similarly to Grisha, leaving only 32% who feel the opposite and think Zeke ultimately turned out more like Grisha in the end (For those who are curious, 81% of anime-only fans feel that Eren is the one who turned out more like Grisha).

WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO PUNCH IN THE FACE AFTER THESE EPISODES? 129 responses

There was a lot that happened in these episodes that could have bred resentment from fans. From the options provided, 35.7% of respondents would most like to punch Floch in the face. 22.5% wish to channel their inner Armin and give Eren a sock to the face. 14.7% felt more visceral toward Grisha. 11.6% don’t want to punch anyone at all. For those who wanna punch the pollsters, meet us out back at 16:00 hours.

Floch sucks

HOW DO YOU FEEL FINALLY GETTING TO SEE THE PAINFUL EMA CONVERSATION IN ANIME FORM? 127 responses

A lot has happened since chapter 112 published, but the chapter still continues to stick with us and spark conversation. With such a highly anticipated scene finally being animated, we wanted to know how you felt seeing the scene reimagined with music, voice acting and color. 29.9% just felt that the chapter hits much differently now after the contents of chapter 138. 25.2% had a much harder time watching the scene in anime form than they felt reading the manga. 12.6% felt even more strongly, expressing extreme heartbreak over E/MA’s breakup. Only a handful of respondents felt the scene hit much harder in the manga.

I'm over it, I felt nothing. Props to Yuki Kaji though, his voice acting is as amazing as ever.

I liked both manga and anime versions, but hearing Armin's sharp intakes of breath from being hit ;~; MY POOR BABY!

M M G H, boi

mmgh

There is no pain, only support for whatever horny animator drew that shot of Armin.

I love EMA emotionally destroying each other and Mappa made it SO FUCKING GOOD, I watched this scene like 100 times

Eren = me | Armin's fist = EMA scene punching me across my expressionless face | Mikasa = my anime-only gf

BEFORE THE FINAL CHAPTER HITS, WHAT DO YOU THINK WAS EREN’S “TRAIN OF THOUGHT” IN REGARDS TO HIS WORDS IN THIS CONVERSATION? 126 responses

With the last chapter just over a week away, we’re hoping to finally get some closure in terms of Eren’s characterization and the choices he’s made. 42.9% believe that Eren chose to be cruel to his friends in the hope it would drive them to be willing to put an end to Eren’s life. 24.6% felt the opposite, hoping that Eren would push them into a corner where they wouldn’t interfere with his plan at all. 18.3% still aren’t sure what to think. Will we get answers, Isayama?!

He wants to "free" Mikasa and armin from himself because he knew he was gonna die

Probably the first option but there might be some truth to what he was saying.

He definitely wanted to push them away and antagonize them but I'm still not completely sure why. I don't feel we've gotten a satisfying explanation.

He chose to be cruel to Mikasa and Armin in an attempt to make it so they wouldn't mourn him when he was dead and could be free of him entirely.

Eren still has heart warming feelings to Mikasa and - by being cruel - he wanted her to let him go (and most likely) kill him. His feelings to Armin however are much colder and they don't seem to like each other anymore. They are way too different. Armin and Eren are like two deities who will always fight each other.

Like he said in 138, he wanted to push them away so they would move on from his death and live happily without him.

SOME DIALOGUE FROM THE EMA CONVERSATION WAS CUT OR SHORTENED. WHICH PART(S) DID YOU MISS THE MOST? 125 responses

Due to time constraints, the EMA conversation took a big hit in terms of how much content was cut from it. Of the cuts we noticed, the dialogue snippets that were most missed by manga readers were; Eren bringing up Armin’s good judgement when they were younger, Eren telling Mikasa that the “real her” disappeared in the mountain cabin, the mention of Ackermans being a “byproduct” of titan science, and the mention that Ackermans manifest the power of titans in human form.

OVERALL, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE AFOREMENTIONED CUTS? 123 responses

When it comes to how manga readers actually felt about the cuts in the EMA conversation, 35% agreed that they felt bitter about them, while still understanding that there was probably little other choice. 22% think it was just too watered down and cut down the impact significantly. 14.6% didn’t care, 11.4% felt the cuts were actually a positive thing, and 10.6% feel that the manga is simply just the superior medium for this series.

I find it interesting that the titan science stuff was cut and wonder if maybe Isayama agreed to those cuts bc he knows he won't have time to really explain in the last chapter of the manga.

Oof, too many important informations have been cut.

I'm okay either way!

Although I would've loved to see all of those aforementioned cuts animated, I understand why they had to be cut in the first place, so I'm not bitter by it at all. I still think the conversation still had the impact it was intended to have.

I kind of understand why some dialogues would have to be cut but it lessened the impact of how Eren tried to hurt his friends which I personally think is too much even if he might have good intentions in doing so. I also like how MAPPA rearranges scenes to better fit the airtime limitation of each episode.

MAPPA CHANGED EREN’S EXPRESSION AFTER HE WAS CALLED OUT BY ARMIN. THOUGHTS? 127 responses

A small change can impact a lot… or perhaps not. 34.6% felt let down by the change in Eren’s facial expression after Armin calls him out for hurting Mikasa, feeling that his original expression spoke volumes about his true feelings about what he’d done. 28.3% didn’t notice any change at all and so are unaffected. 15.7% are on a similar page and feel that there really wasn’t enough of a difference to gripe about anything, and 9.4% actually preferred the way MAPPA handled Eren in this snippet.

as they did when mikasa calls him out in liberio, they harden his expressionstry to make him look like a heartless monster with no empathy for his friends. this expression hinted that he was hurt by telling all of that to his friends, so his self sacrifice motivations can be misunderstood by anime onlies, or worse: they may even think it comes out of nowhere.

The manga was just superior here, from his expression to the fact that Armin did manage to make him bleed. It was disappointing.

I read this chapter way too long ago, I don't remember this stuff

He looks a lot more hurt and regretful in the Manga. Anime just looks annoyed.

Not a big deal to me. Manga is definitely superior though.

In the manga Eren was more human, while here we can clearly see his anger towards Armin's words.

THE ANIME ADAPTATION CUT OUT A BIT OF CONTEXT IN REGARDS TO LEVI STATING THAT THEY WILL FEED A YEAGERIST TO HISTORIA AFTER SHE GIVES BIRTH. DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES THINGS CONFUSING FOR THE ANIME-ONLIES? 123 responses

Historia’s pregnancy plot continues to get the shaft (for better or for worse), with the mention of her eventually eating the Yeagerist that eats Zeke being cut out entirely. 39% of respondents felt that this was a poor choice on MAPPA’s part, feeling that it will make things confusing for anime only fans (“why would they feed Zeke to a Yeagerist?”). 26% feel the opposite, and think anime only fans should be able to put 2 and 2 together to realize where Levi was going with his idea. 22% aren’t sure if it actually makes things confusing, and 10.6% just don’t care.

I'm not sure how confusing this makes it for anime-onlies but them cutting out mentions of her pregnancy makes it seem even less important than it already does.

That plan was shut down so quickly it doesn't matter

I don't/didn't really understand this. None of the Yeagerist have royal blood... maybe I'm missing something. I figured he was just joking? Bc, tactically, what does Historia eating a Yeagerist do or have to do with anything?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ADAPTATION OF THE ZEKE RUNNING PANEL? 124 responses

When Zeke ran from Levi in the manga, the scene was memed to death. 46.8% of respondents weren’t disappointed in MAPPA’s adaptation and felt it was just as enjoyable as it was in the manga. 29.8% felt even more strongly, thinking MAPPA did an even better job than Isayama had done. 17.7% still prefer the manga version.

It was funny in the manga but not in the anime and that's probably for the best given the weight of what's about to happen.

I honestly don't remember the running panel lmao

Funny monke

HOW WELL WAS ZEKE’S BACKSTORY ADAPTED, IN YOUR OPINION? 126 responses

60.3% felt that MAPPA did an incredible job with executing Zeke’s backstory in the anime, with the impact feeling even greater than it did in the original manga. 37.3% agree to a lesser degree, simply being pleased that it was faithful to the source material and feel thankful enough for that. Only a sliver of the pie felt that MAPPA didn’t deliver well on this or didn’t care.

Made him too sympathetic/made grisha look even worse

MAPPA REPLACED THE MONKEY PLUSHIE WITH A RAM PLUSHIE IN KSAVER’S VISION. THOUGHTS? 125 responses

We got a couple of Easter Eggs in this episode, with one of them being the inclusion of a ram plushie in place of the monkey doll that was in the manga. Knowing now that Ksaver’s Beast Titan was a ram, we were curious how many of you caught this. 55.2% absolutely loved the easter egg, and 31.2% just felt that it was neat. A few were confused, missed monke, or wanted to squish the adorable plushie. Baa!

I jumped out of my seat seeing that little fecker. I was literally like "...!!!! THE RAM!!! WE KNOW KSAVER'S TITAN NOW SO THEY PUT IN A RAM!! YOU..!!! ISAYAMAAAAA!!" It was hilarious XD

THE DOLLS IN KSAVER’S VISION APPEAR TO RESEMBLE ARMIN, MIKASA AND HISTORIA. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS? 121 responses

Aside from the ram plushie were also dolls that some thought seemed to resemble Armin, Mikasa and Historia. We got very mixed responses on this question. 20.7% felt that it was simply just a fun easter egg and didn’t hold any kind of narrative meaning. 19% were unsure what to think at all. 16.5% think the third doll actually represents Ymir Fritz and not Historia. 15.7% felt it was meant to represent the three people Eren is working hardest to protect, and 9.1% didn’t think they represented anything.

i thought that was ymir fritz, zeke, and either eren or levi

I think the two dolls inside the box look more like Gabi and Falco but I'm not sure who the doll with the pink dress is, Ymir Fritz maybe?

I didn't even notice this, lmao. I'm bored of overthinking things like this, there's one chapter left y'all.

Oh, I thought it was Eren, Zeke and Ymir lol.

Reminds me of the Eren doll in the Lost Girls OVA.

The box represents those who we will see in the final chapter. Sorry Historia :'(

All of the above xD

The doll isn't Historia - It's Ymir Frtiz - and her position under the wagon means that Eren values Mikasa and Eren more than Ymir/anything else. I think the wagon is also significant to that bit where Eren confessed to the squad that they were the most important people in his life, and that he doesn't want anything bad to happen to them.

EREN TELLS ZEKE, “I’LL PUT AN END TO 2,000 YEARS OF TITAN DOMINATION.” EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING, DO YOU BELIEVE IT’S POSSIBLE THAT THIS WAS HIS TRUE INTENTION, AND THAT HE CAN STILL BE THE ONE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN? 122 responses

Will there be a final twist in the series finale? 34.4% seem to think so, hoping that Eren’s words will ring true and he will somehow abolish titans from the world. 23% feel similarly, though they think he knew his actions would lead to the catalyst to rid titans from the world, rather than him doing it himself. 12.3% feel the opposite, and think Eren was simply just lying to Zeke about bringing an end to the titan power, and 9.8% think he’s just too dead at this point to accomplish anything. 19.7% aren’t sure what to predict.

Yes, ending the era of titans and setting Eldians free is one of Eren's goals.

GIVEN THAT ZEKE’S FLASHBACK ELEMENTS FROM 115 WERE ALSO ADAPTED IN THIS CHAPTER, DO YOU THINK THE FINAL EPISODE WILL HAVE ANY ANIME-ONLY SCENES? 124 responses

The episode has already aired and we can now confirm that there were no additional scenes. 41.9% were correct in their hunch that the remaining contents would be enough to fill an entire episode - in fact, they didn't even end up animating all of it! What about Levi and Hange?!

Since we won't reach Ch. 121 or 122 I don't really care.

Since Mappa took over, not anymore :(

What tou MEAN ”the final episode”?!

HOW DO YOU FEEL KNOWING THAT ANIME ONLY FANS WON’T HAVE A SOLID ANSWER ON LEVI’S FATE FOR MONTHS? 127 responses

We didn’t expect this question to come off as cruel as it now feels after MAPPA didn’t even throw us a bone in episode 75 about Levi’s fate. That being said, 29.1% are ready to snack on their popcorn while they watch anime onlies worry and theorize over Levi’s fate. 21.3% are simply feeling mischievous. 9.4% think it’s cruel to take any delight in anime watchers’ woes, as we also had to experience the same thing for several months. 33.9% think it will be next to impossible for anime only fans to avoid being spoiled about Levi’s fate.

It should be fairly obvious he's alive when they show Hange jumping in the river with him next episode.

Good. I think most of them will assume he's not dead yet though.

Maybe it will inspire some of them to read the manga to find out.

Ugh, I hope they won't be complaining as much as the manga readers did even though it was obvious he's not dead.

THE PREVIEW ONLY REVEALED ONE SCENE TO US. SO INSTEAD, WHICH MOMENT FROM CHAPTER 115/116 ARE YOU MOST ANTICIPATING? 126 responses

31% of respondents were most looking forward to the moment where Pieck declared Eren as the enemy. 23% had most anticipated seeing Ymir revive Zeke (rip) and 19.8% were most looking forward to seeing Hange dive into the river with Levi’s injured body (double rip). 10.3% were most anticipating the scene with Eren, Pieck and Gabi in the jail room, and 7.1% were most hyped about Marley’s airships showing up onto the scene.

WE’VE ONLY GOT ONE EPISODE LEFT FOR THIS RUN! HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT IT? 125 responses

59.2% were feeling hyped to get an announcement about a part 2 of the season. 24%, on the other hand, are bummed out and have a new void to fill in their heart while they wait. 11.2% feel similarly and on a greater level… the seasons between the SnK anime seasons are just the worst anime seasons of all!

Too distracted by manga-ending-anxiety to feel much about it

Disappointed. It's not actually the final season.

I'm ready for this season of heartbreak to be over thank you just put me out of my misery and stop dragging me along behind the car

I can't believe it's near ending already

DO YOU THINK WE WILL GET AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT THE NEXT ANIME INSTALLMENT NEXT WEEK? 122 responses

54.1% of respondents were hopeful for a part 2 announcement and the good news is that MAPPA didn’t let them down. 19.7% were right on the nose with this one!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODES?

GOAT

The scene with Levi's comrades turning into Titans was one of the most visually stunning moments for me; the whole panning out throughout as they all started turning sort of gave me chills. Levi's reaction to it all, and ultimately having to kill them too was heartbreaking. Honestly that entire scene was quite gripping. I hate to admit that watching it in anime form has sort of solidified me resonating with Zeke in regards to his relationship with Grisha. Dude just wanted to spend time with his freaking dad and instead went through all of that, I don't blame him for the resentment at all. Still a douche for some of the stuff he's done. And ersonally I prefer him over Eren. Eren never went through that kind of treatment from Grisha and ended up... like that. Also!!!!!! Love me some Bertholdt crumbs, thank you Mappa! God, I miss him. :(

The removal of mostly anything mentioning titan scientists/research and Ackermans being a byproduct of titan science makes me wonder if Isayama regretted introducing that. I was already disappointed the manga didn't expand on that and the anime made it worse. Almost nonexistent tbh. Loved seeing Zeke's backstory, like all the other children in this series, he deserved better.

The ost during Floch's speech was brilliant. Young Zeke and Grisha VAs also. Makes me want to adopt Zeke right there. Not sure if Pieck and Porco already appeared as background characters (in ep 13&14) there were some figures that looked like them so I can't wait for the next episode!

Nah, I just loved them

These were one of the best of the season!

i just want more, also i loved MAPPA's style so far

In those episodes, the emotions weren't as strong as in the manga. I didn't feel much. And for the EMA talk... well, I liked Eren's neutral expression in the manga better, it was more fitted. And the animation of his "fight" with Armin was absolutely terrible, and it's sad to say that when you know that Mappa can do so much better.

*points at Zeke* WITNESSED!!

MAPPA stans Armin, it shows, and I am 100% here for it.

Being aware if latest chapters, I see young Zeke with different eyes

Mappa has done a fabulous job so far. The only thing I hoped for is that they should not have made the face difference so obvious from previous seasons to the last one, for the benefit of anime-only people. Yes, they stayed true to the manga, but their animators had to have control over it, which is what happened in S1 where girls had some sort of gloss on their lips and Yams requested for them to be removed in succeeding episodes.. that tells me that the animators/mappa have some semblance of control over how the characters look

I think MAPPA is doing a good job with the episodes.

Feels. That is all.

I really loved how Mappa executed that scene wint Ksaver's wife's murder/suicide. In the manga, they just outright depict it happening in the room. In the anime, they blended it in with the present surroundings. It literally gave me the chills. I do worry that the missing dialogue from the EMA scene, especially Eren explaining how Mikasa's dedication to him is nothing but science. I also worry about him not mentioning the slave/freedom thing, bc afaik the dialogue in the leaked panel of 139 says ""you are free"", and I always thought it was gonna be related to that.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 118 responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! We will post the poll for episode 75 soon!

In the meantime, please feel free to send us up to 5 of your favorite characters via ask or submission for our ongoing popularity poll - that poll will close on the 10th of April! :D

#snk poll #snk polls #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot #snk spoilers #snk s4

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