#god this is so long but i didn't feel like editing it... i'm really emotional rehashing all this though

[neptuneiris]

Behind the Scenes (04/05)

Behind the Acceptance

pairing: actor!aemond × fem!reader

summary: there are new changes for you and Aemond, he wants to rectify himself for past mistakes and you get used to your new life with the father of your son present.

word counter: 10.2K (consider it as a christmas gift, love you all❤)

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I'M SO SORRY!

i know the wait has been too much and you don't know how sorry i am. i experienced stress during my last week of uni before leaving for vacation and i got a new job, which consumes my time and i couldn't edit or do any writing, but i managed to find small times to write and that's why it's taken me so long. i appreciate your understanding, really🥺

I would like to wish you all merry christmas and a happy new year, my best wishes to all of you and also to your families, have a great time and God bless you all beautiful people, you are amazing and truly thank you for so much🥰

now yes, enjoy!

warnings: aemond dad melting our hearts and that's it:)

When Aemond told you to please go back to work and stop running away so that the two of you could face all this together, you didn't quite understand what he meant by 'go back to work'.

However, the next morning after waking up and starting to prepare breakfast for Aenar, you received an unexpected call that answered your question.

It's an unknown number so you accept the call with some caution.

"Y/N speaking? This is Michelle Watson, from the Warner Bros studio production department," she says and your heart jumps.

"Hello?"

You speak on the other end of the line, holding your phone to your ear.

It's HBO, who Aemond is working with right now and where you left your job thrown after unexpectedly meeting him again.

Nerves soon set in and you hold your breath, already feeling ashamed for leaving the shooting set like that without saying anything to anyone and creating a complete circus the moment Aemond called your name in the trailer in front of everyone.

"Yes, she speaks," you reply nervously.

"We want to inform you that despite what has happened, we understand it and the circumstances that led you to leave unexpectedly during your working hours," she tells you in a soft and formal voice, "And we will expect you tomorrow without any problem to resume work."

You frown completely, hesitate a little and blink several times in disbelief, not quite understanding.

"I'm sorry… what do you mean by resuming work?" you ask, barely able to contain your own surprise and disbelief.

"Some conversations took place," she explains, "Mr. Targaryen was quite insistent on convincing the production team to reconsider your situation. He advocated on your behalf, explained the circumstances and your entire track record as an excellent professional makeup artist so that you could continue to work with us."

With your lips parted and your eyes wide open, you are speechless for a moment, staring at a spot in your living room with your heart pounding, definitely not expecting to hear any of this after everything that has happened on this day.

You didn't even expect Aemond to decide to do this for you after everything that happened with him and Criston.

And just when you were starting to worry about how you were going to pay the rent for this apartment and even started to make a schedule in your mind to go get a job somewhere else tomorrow or even today.

"So if there's no problem and everything is fine with you, we'll expect you tomorrow at 7:00 A.M."

Completely speechless.

You can't even control your own heart rate.

But in spite of that, you can't help but feel a huge relief run through your entire body, where you still feel overwhelmed by the generosity and gesture of trust they are offering you, but you definitely feel completely relieved and grateful.

"Yes, yes, of course," you hasten to say, trying to control your emotions, "I'll be there. Thank you so much."

They give you a few more details, you ask few more questions and finally end the call, which leaves you with mixed emotions as you silently contemplate that you still have this new possibility of a better life for you and Aenar.

But you also think about Aemond.

And you will also wait to see how Aemond's integration into your son's little life will be now.

You really appreciate this gesture, you know that only he can do something like this with his influence and connections.

And in fact it gives you the confidence that he will keep his word that no one else will interfere in your and Aenar's life, only the two of you will make the decisions.

Arriving at the recording set, you leave Aenar in the nursery and then you enter the corridors of the whole big production, which is buzzing with its usual atmosphere with its twinkling lights, technical equipment with the huge cameras, microphones and all the sets ready.

You honestly feel nervous knowing that tomorrow you and Aemond will be working in the same place again, like in the old days.

But that's why you try to be as prepared as possible and you won't let all kinds of personal matters interfere with your work.

And once you arrive, you take a moment, take a deep breath and push open the door, where that familiar atmosphere once again envelops you.

You don't even know why but your heart is pounding as you walk down the halls and every step leads you to your area, the makeup and wardrobe trailer.

You assume it's out of shame after what happened yesterday.

Unfortunately your entrance doesn't go unnoticed and as you close the door behind you as you walk just a little into the trailer, some curious faces turn to see you, including Jess, who stops her usual routine and rushes over to you, her eyes wide with surprise.

You hug her back gently, feeling relieved and less tense by the warm welcome from Jess who, even though the two of you don't know each other very well, she actually seems like a very nice person and her personality shows you that.

"Ah Y/N, what a relief to see you again!"

She exclaims with her tone full of joy.

"God, I thought you wouldn't come back," she says as she hugs you excitedly, providing you with some comfort.

"I'm so sorry about yesterday," you say with a regretful gesture and you both break the hug, "I shouldn't have left like that and you don't know how embarrassed I feel. I'm really sorry."

"Oh no, don't worry about it," she assures you instantly, making a nonchalant gesture, "That's all in the past. The important thing is that you're back and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it," she comforts you with a small smile, "We have a lot of work to do today and we need to get you up to speed right away."

Jess, full of energy, ushers you further into the trailer while you greet your other co-workers. Then she explains the day's itinerary precisely, pointing out schedules, wardrobe changes and other important details.

All the while you nod, thanking her for her guidance and trying to keep up. In the midst of all the preparations, the huge door opens again and Aemond is now the one who makes his presence known.

Your gaze meets his and you see the obvious and unexpected surprise in his eyes at seeing you again, but there's not much reaction from either of you as instantly the makeup artists call him over and guide him to start prepping him for today's filming scenes.

And Jess also takes your arm, guiding you to the back of the trailer where the dressing rooms are located explaining what you will be doing, forcing you to look away from him.

And you can only feel Aemond's gaze on you until he loses sight of you.

Jess continues to explain to you, but you can't help but think and wonder certain things, like if everyone here, even Jess, knows about you and Aemond... what you once were and that you have a child together.

The behavior of both of you yesterday was very obvious, that's what you would think if you were an expectant one, so surely there must be some speculation.

And at that moment you remind yourself that your priority right now is your work and that the personal should be kept out of your work environment, so you shouldn't even think about it.

Finally you focus on following Jess's directions, putting aside distractions and preparing for the day.

Jess leaves you alone to take care of her own work and you start with yours, where you spend about an hour still in the back of the trailer, where you check and prepare the costumes that already have to be ready for the scenes that will be filmed soon.

When in the middle of everything, you hear some footsteps approaching behind you and thinking it must be one of the other actors or one of your co-workers, you turn around and the first thing you notice is that silver hair.

Aemond enters this section of the trailer a little unsure, without saying anything, while you also watch him without saying anything.

He is ready to record his scenes with that scar on the left side of his face that his character has and he only lacks the costume.

Until finally he speaks first.

You knew that having a conversation with him again would happen soon, so you're not surprised.

But for a moment there is a tense silence and a slight nervousness and insecurity on the part of both of them, where a clash of emotions is reflected in each other's gazes.

"Hey," he says in a soft, low voice, taking a couple of steps towards you.

You try to smile a little in his direction, not knowing exactly what to say or what to do.

"Hey," you wave back.

There is an awkward pause before Aemond again takes the initiative, taking a few cautious and slow steps towards you.

You bite your lips and lower your gaze for a moment, as he puts a hand to the back of his neck and looks so insecure and nervous standing there, surprising you a bit, as that behavior in him is unusual.

He usually always has that confident attitude in everything he says and does.

"I'm glad you're back," he admits to you, his low tone full of sincerity, "It's good to see you around again."

His words and that friendly gesture take you a bit by surprise, and although you still feel overwhelmed by the unexpected situation, you appreciate the way he is leading in handling all of this to start working together for Aenar's well-being, leaving past tensions behind.

"Thank you," you reply, feeling that sense of relief in your chest again, "Oh, hum… and thank you for talking to production so I could come back," you say a little shyly but gratefully, "You didn't have to."

He lets out a scoff in a nonchalant and also absurd gesture, frowning slightly his nose and forehead.

"Please, it was the least I could do," he tells you softly and with a warm tone, "Besides, it was nothing. I was just afraid you'd decide not to come back."

You hum in understanding.

"I thought about that," you confess to him, lowering your gaze for a moment, "But things were going to be easier for both of us with Aenar if I came back here," you explain, "Still, it was a very kind gesture of you."

Aemond nods, his gaze conveying a mixture of emotions that reflect both relief to see you back here, understanding, and also regret for the past that still haunts him. But he doesn't let those thoughts invade him too much at that moment.

Again there is silence in between for a few seconds, when he speaks again.

"How is Aenar?" he asks in a voice charged with a mixture of happiness, nostalgia and longing for his son.

"He's fine," you say in a soft voice, "He's in the studio nursery. Mary takes very good care of him," you add, wanting to reassure him that his son is being properly cared for.

He nods slowly, humming in response, trying to hide the intensity of his emotions in his gaze.

"That's good, I'm glad to hear that," he replies, vulnerability in his tone and gaze.

The air between the two of you still lingers, charged with emotions that neither of you dares to express openly. However, taking advantage of the conversation, Aemond decides to propose something.

He just met him yesterday and can't wait to see him again, to be in his company.

Yesterday's hours were simply not enough. And knowing that his son is well brings him relief and a feeling he hasn't experienced before since he found out he is a father.

"If you want, I can pay for a trusted babysitter for him," he offers and this gets your full attention, "I'm just saying… so you don't always have to bring him with you to work," he says with a hesitation, his tone betraying his insecurity about his proposal.

You remain silent for a moment, not knowing what exactly to say, in fact processing the unexpected offer. And Aemond can't help but feel even more unnerved by your silence.

"I-I… I don't know," you murmur, hesitant.

This nursery in the set is at least in the same place as you and that gives you relief that whatever happens, you can rush to him right away.

The idea of a babysitter strikes you as a mixture of relief and concern.

In the morning you'd have more time getting ready to come to work and it wouldn't be as much of a burden on you, yet you've never left someone to take care of Aenar while you're away.

But leaving him at home and coming all the way here to work, that causes you hesitation, besides the fact that you have to know the person who will take care of your child perfectly, as well as have confidence in her, above all.

"Only if that makes you feel more comfortable," Aemond adds softly, "But if that's not what you want, that's fine."

You bite your lips, feeling uneasy at the thought of someone else caring for your son and having him away when you're working.

"And you know someone who might be trustworthy?" you ask attentively and still with hesitation in your gaze.

"Yes," he tells you immediately, softly, "Rhaenyra has an army of babysitters to take care of my younger nephews. I can ask her for help with that and I know she'll say yes," he assures you.

"And they are professional babysitters?"

"Yeah, yeah, Nyra is also very careful with the selection and the babysitters she has hired have years of experience and so far several of them have worked with her for a few years now."

And after a moment's reflection, you agree.

And as convincing as the information is, still a mixture of worry and resignation envelopes your body.

But you knew that sooner or later you would have to face the situation of balancing your job with the responsibility of caring for your little one, accepting the idea that you won't always be able to have him with you.

"All right," you nod to him, "But I'd like to do some interviews first."

"Yeah, of course. I'll take care of that, don't worry," he says softly, nodding to you and you nod back.

"Thank you, Aemond."

"You don't have to thank me, Y/N, it's for our son. And if he or you need anything, please just let me know."

Seeing Aemond so willing to be a present father and his desire to be involved in his son's life, to some extent relieves you and surprises you a little, clearly because of what happened at first when you found out you were pregnant.

But so far… he has really shown you that he wants to be present and without having Criston and all his team around anymore.

The slight tension in the air is felt again as you and he continue to navigate the terrain of this new dynamic, which feels a little weird and you feel very nervous, though you don't even know why, while he at all times seems unsure.

And in an attempt to diffuse the tension, now you're the one who speaks first.

"Okay," you nod, "And if you…" you try to say a little nervously and with some caution and insecurity, "If you want to go see Aenar at the nursery or even at the apartment, you can," you assure him with a soft tone, "I never said you couldn't visit him and I don't plan to take that right away from you."

Vulnerability is reflected both in your words and in Aemond's expression, who with his soft face and with his gaze full of various emotions, places a small gentle smile on his lips.

"I'd love that."

Your words mean more to him than you probably realize. That sincere gesture of openness on your part, Aemond deeply appreciates.

Just as he appreciates that the conversation has reached a level of understanding and cooperation that neither of you had anticipated, but that you definitely appreciate. It doesn't end there yet, though.

"Can I ask you something?"

You nod, with no problem.

"Sure."

"What will you be leaving work on when your shift is over with Aenar?" he tells you interested and attentive.

"Um… well, yesterday I took the bus," you explain, considering that just yesterday was supposedly your first day, "And I had already planned that if I finished late, I'd take an Uber. Like now in the morning I was running a little late and took an Uber," you reply, trying to explain your transportation routine.

In fact there is nothing wrong with moving this way, many people do it, besides you don't have many options.

But that's what Aemond doesn't want, he wants to make your life a little easier, especially since Aenar lives with you and he doesn't want to risk something bad happening to both of you one day with public transport.

"Well, if you want, I can take the two of you," he also offers without hesitation, "Or if it seems too much, I can ask my driver to pick you up and take you wherever you need to go, without problem," he assures you, "I just don't want you to move that way with Aenar or by yourself."

This new unexpected offer from Aemond also surprises you, that you even think about turning him down, telling him it's not necessary.

Mostly you see it from Aenar's safety side.

But his concern is genuine and also you know that then moving you will start to be a problem.

You know you can't afford Uber every day, the fares aren't exactly cheap and there are other needs you have to take care of, besides taking the bus late could be dangerous.

"Well…" you look at him hesitantly and a little embarrassed, "You won't have a problem with that?"

"No, of course not," he answers you instantly.

You nod in his direction, grateful for his consideration.

"Yes, it's fine and seriously thank you for this too," you can't help but say, "Sometimes transport is complicated."

"Don't worry, it's fine."

He is about to say something else when a third voice interrupts him, entering the same space as you.

"Yeah, I know, sorry, I'm already on it," he assures her instantly.

"Aemond, are you ready now?"

Enters one of your co-workers, watching him intently and instantly with concern at the sight of him still in his civilian clothes.

"For God's sake, why aren't you dressed yet? Your scene is going to shoot in less than fifteen minutes!"

"I'll be back in ten minutes. Hurry up, please," the worried girl says and hurries away.

You instantly at that moment decide that the two of you can talk later and hand him his clothes from the scene he'll be shooting soon and he thanks you, heading for one of the small dressing rooms quickly.

When he finishes putting on his clothes, you quickly help him look perfect for filming the scene.

"I'll be seeing you," he tells you before leaving and you nod.

"Sure."

And from that moment on, over the next few days, everything changes as much for Aemond as it does for you.

He kept his word to drive you and Aenar back home every time your shift ended. And if he was still filming scenes, he would send his driver to take you instead of him, also to bring you in the mornings.

The relationship is cordial and collaborative and while there is no romantic reconciliation involved, there is a determination to build a more stable and secure future for Aenar, as well as prioritizing his well-being above all else.

At work, too, the dynamic between the two of you changes completely. Communication is professional, as it should be, but in every interaction there is a complicity that seems to have evolved.

There is a quiet understanding, a new focus on cooperation and mutual respect that is taking shape.

Also Aemond kept his word to hire a fully trusted babysitter and while he took care of that, sometimes you found him in the nursery with Aenar, keeping him company and playing with him.

At first this caused you some noise and also confusion, since Aemond is under the public eye spending quality time with his son and doesn't bother to hide it, so you wondered if already everyone working here, also Aemond's co-workers, knows that he has a son with you.

Again that sight couldn't help but make you smile with a certain nostalgic look, watching the interaction of those two silver-haired heads in their own world.

But it made you feel happy to see your little boy laughing and playing with his father.

And if so, you doubt that it will come out soon, because working in this production of whatever position, there is a confidentiality contract for everything, even for the personal life of the actors.

But when the shooting of this show is over, everyone is probably going to know about it. Although it seems that Aemond doesn't even think about it and doesn't really care.

So you decide not to ask him anything about it and how Criston and his whole team is going to take it.

You honestly don't know what Aemond has done with him, what they have talked about and what exactly happened for him to leave you and Aenar alone.

And you don't want to know. You've had enough of him and everything he did to you. And fortunately you live in peace and feel safe to have Aemond on your side this time.

And before you can say anything, Aemond steps forward with a soft little smile.

When one day on your day off you find yourself making dinner while Aenar watches his favorite cartoon in the living room and you supervise him occasionally from where you are, there's a knock at the door.

You're traumatized with the thought that maybe it's Criston and something bad is going to happen, but when you open the door you find Aemond with a woman by his side.

"Hey."

"Hi," you try to smile, a little confused.

"Are you busy? I-I didn't know and thought I'd just come over," he says, "And I'd let you know but I don't have your number or-or something."

"No, no, it's fine, I'm just making dinner," you hasten to say.

"I came because I wanted to introduce you to Elinda Massey," he tells you, pointing to the woman next to him and she looks at you with a warm smile, "One of the babysitters Rhaenyra recommended to me to take care of Aenar."

"Oh," you nod, now understanding.

You watch Elinda and she radiates warmth and assurance in her gaze, instantly feeling comfortable with her presence.

"It's nice to meet you, Elinda," you say with a small smile, extending your hand to her.

"Same to you, Y/N," she replies, shaking his hand with yours, "Aemond has told me so much about you and Aenar. I'm very excited to meet him as well."

Aemond beside her nods, his expression calm.

"Elinda is professional and very experienced. I wanted to introduce you to her and thought maybe we could do a little interview together, just to get to know her and see how she gets along with Aenar."

You instantly nod again.

"Oh yeah, yeah, sure, come on in," you step aside, allowing them to pass, "Aenar is watching his favorite cartoon," you say as you close the door behind you.

Aemond instantly walks towards him, making a sound of surprise, catching his attention and Aenar instantly notices him, smiling big at the sight of him, his huge blue eyes lighting up and reaching out his little arms towards him.

Both you and Aemond know Elinda better and you realize that she is a woman who has all the necessary experience and training. Besides the fact that when she approaches Aenar, he instantly laughs and plays with her.

Aemond laughs and takes him in his arms, starting to leave a bunch of kisses on his huge chubby cheeks, making him laugh as he holds him against his chest and speaks to him in a honeyed tone.

And you again can't help but smile as you watch the scene.

There is still that feeling of worry in you knowing that you will have to leave Aenar in someone else's care.

But Elinda shows you so much in so few hours, she tells you about her experience, shows you letters of recommendation, first aid certificates, as well as other care and Aenar has fun with her.

Aemond stays a few more moments in Aenar's company, playing games and watching the cartoons he likes, while you finish dinner and cleaning the kitchen.

The three of you establish a work schedule for her, as well as you tell her some recommendations and observations regarding Aenar.

And once everything is ready and clarified, she leaves and Aemond tells you that he has already taken care of all the payment details with her.

Every now and then you hear how Aemond asks him questions in a honeyed tone and repeats the same expressions he does when he sees his favorite character on TV, and then both start laughing.

Those sounds, the sound of your son's laughter and also Aemond's expressions, unconsciously make you smile and you watch from the kitchen as Aemond makes funny gestures or faces to make him laugh and attacks him with a lot of kisses all over his face or tickles.

Then you walk him to the door once he is ready to leave.

And there the two of them make themselves comfortable on the couch, eventually Aenar falls asleep on Aemond's lap, his back and head against his chest. He cautiously gets up holding him gently and puts him to sleep, while you thank him.

"Oh, right, I almost forgot," he says stopping in front of the door and turns to you, "This is for you."

You see him take his wallet from his back pocket and inside it, he pulls out what appears to be a black card and holds it out to you. This catches your attention and also confuses you, taking the card with that confusion, not understanding.

And only when you take a good look at it in your hands do you realize that it is a bank card.

"It's yours."

He says and you frown more, then raise your gaze to him asking for an explanation.

"I can only send money to it, I don't have direct access. You'll get the PIN from the bank, tomorrow after the shoot, I'll take you to activate it," he tells you, "You know, it's in case you need money to buy something for Aenar or for you, whatever you need."

Then when you fully understand the explanation and the purpose of this, you start to panic.

"Aemond—

You try to say feeling the lump in your throat and your heart starting to pound.

"I know I didn't tell you about this, but please, I want to do it," he interrupts you with a pleading tone so you won't reject him or reproach him about it, "Besides, this is necessary. Sometimes I will have to travel to other cities for shootings or events and I won't be able to see you or him and I want to make sure you don't lack anything. So just accept it, please."

"But—

"Please," he insists.

This really seems too much to you and you have an idea of the amount of money the card must already have. And no… in spite of everything, you don't want to accept this and feel that you are taking advantage of him.

You watch him still with hesitation and worry on your face, tension hanging in the air as you and he stand in complete silence, saying nothing for a few seconds.

You look back down at the card in your hands and Aemond follows your gaze, both of you standing face to face.

And it just seems that Aemond reads your thoughts by the hesitation and insecurity on your face.

"If you don't want to use it to also buy things for yourself, use it just to buy Aenar whatever he needs," he tells you softly, "After all, I was going to do this sooner or later, wasn't I? It's my responsibility to make sure he doesn't lack anything and that's what I'm going to do."

You let out a long breath, beginning to feel less of the weight of the luxurious and clearly exclusive black card in your hands, with his words beginning to soften your chest at the mention of Aenar.

"Fine," you mutter finally, letting out a sigh and raising your gaze to him, "B-but I'll only use it for things that Ae-

This gesture from Aemond is a clear sign of concern and responsibility he feels towards you and his son. And you truly feel that genuine desire that he wants to contribute for the welfare of both of you.

You try to clarify but he quickly speaks up.

"Yeah, okay," he nods at you, "Don't worry. Just… use it."

You nod again.

"Thank you, Aemond."

A slight flicker of concern appears in his gaze and he quickly tries to be able to struggle to find the right words to be able to explain himself so you don't misunderstand him.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to—

"No, no, I don't think so," you tell him softly, with understanding, "This…" you look back down at the card in your hands and let out a sigh, "This is actually necessary and very helpful…. you really don't know how much I appreciated it."

He nods, his expression relieving a bit as he sees your behavior and also as you accept his support.

"Easy, it's okay," he assures you in a soft murmur.

"Also…" he starts to say with some nervousness but definitely more confident, "I wanted to ask you if you have social security for Aenar and you," he says with a serene expression, looking directly at you.

Again silence settles between the two of you but the air is different, calmer and less tense, feeling the mutual understanding.

And Aemond, after the two of you say nothing for another long few seconds, thinks it best to talk at this point about another plan he has in mind.

This also immediately catches your attention and you watch him warily, tilting your head to one side and starting to get an incredulous look on your face.

"You're not seriously thinking that—

"Y/N, please," he interrupts you, "This is no problem for me, really," he insists, "I just need to know."

"But—

"This is also important and I can pay for it."

"But it's a lot of money and I don't think—

"Do you really think I'll let you and Aenar go through life without being covered?" he asks you incredulously, "I can handle this. I really can."

His words continue to reflect that genuine commitment and you, despite your concern, feel something warm invade your chest, especially the gentle and willing way he is looking at you.

After all that has happened, seeing Aemond so determined to contribute to your son's well-being gives you a new hope and opportunity for Aenar's future.

The costs are too much, nothing you could really afford, not even for Aenar, since your salary was not much and had to cover other needs. You couldn't even afford it on your current salary.

You have always worked very hard to try to give Aenar everything he needs. Among them, paying for a social insurance for him, in case of anything.

But you could never afford it.

And that suddenly Aemond is offering it to you so easily, clearly because he can afford it, you feel somewhat overwhelmed and also feel that it is too much.

"And you're completely—

"Yes, I am," he interrupts you again, being very clear and honest with you, "This won't be any trouble, really," he assures you.

You want to tell him thank you, but the words get stuck in your throat. However, Aemond sees the gratitude is visible in your gaze, along with your concern and how you find yourself overthinking it.

So he just gives you a look of understanding and total reassurance.

"I'll be leaving. You need to rest. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

You let out a long breath, bite your lips and nod in his direction.

"Okay."

"Good night," he says softly as he opens the apartment door again.

"Good night. Drive safe."

Lately the days have been more… peaceful.

But as the days progressed, you realized that it was useless to feel that way because when you returned to the apartment, everything was absolutely fine. And also everything is easier when you transport yourself with Aemond's help or with the help of his driver.

Having Elinda as a babysitter, your mornings are easier and she does an excellent job with Aenar, so you have nothing to worry about.

At first you would leave home feeling horrible and your whole body tense, always alert to your phone and exaggeratedly paranoid.

Aemond also one day told you the same thing, that lately things have been quiet, even the recordings have not been heavy for him compared to other days or other jobs.

And for the same reason that he is busy filming, he hasn't attended any events or interviews, that happens rather after he finishes filming a new show or movie and there is still time left for that.

Aemond drives in silence and the soft background music on low volume fills the entire interior of the car while you watch the city through the windows and Aenar sleeps secured in one of the back seats.

So on this one day and for one occasion only, Elinda had an important commitment that she couldn't postpone, so she didn't show up for work and you didn't have any problem, since you can bring Aenar to the nursery on the set.

And now it is Aemond who is driving them home after your shift ended almost at the same time he finished filming his scenes.

He and you haven't talked much during the whole drive, only about work, but even so the silence is comfortable and you can't wait to get home to cook a nice dinner.

The cityscape soon transforms into familiar and somewhat… careless streets, as you approach to your apartment.

He parks in front of your building and watches you.

You know this isn't a luxurious area and there's a lot of detail to look at, but it's what you can afford right now.

And that's just what Aemond thinks as he looks around the neighborhood, hating to leave you and Aenar here when he can get you a much better place. But he knows you'll say no.

"Will you stay here any longer?" he asks you softly, "I mean, will you continue to pay rent?"

"For now yes," you nod to him, "I'm saving up to move to a better place, to an apartment in a different area and that's close to work," you let him know, "It's just taking time because of my paycheck."

Aemond stares at you intently for a moment, thinking and pondering your words, with a thoughtful look on his face, while you make sure you have all your belongings with you before getting out of the car and carrying Aenar.

And just as he is about to speak, a familiar sound interrupts him and his son's crying is heard throughout the car.

You follow him too with all your things in hand, walking over to both of them.

You quickly turn to him to attend to him, trying to calm him down, while Aemond reacts and quickly gets out of the car to open the door to the back seats.

It takes him a little while to unfasten the seat belts, but once he's finished he takes him in his arms and whispers comforting words in his ear to make him stop crying.

"Shh, my little one," Aemond whispers, holding him against his chest and stroking his silver hair, "Hey, it's okay, it's okay," he murmurs, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead.

You move to his side and run one of your hands over his wet cheeks, watching you for a moment with teary blue eyes only to close them tightly and continue crying.

"Either he wants to sleep in his room or he's hungry," you say, stroking his face to try to calm him as well.

"He didn't eat?" he asks you attentively.

"Yes, Mary said yes."

"Then he wants to sleep," he says, trying to wipe the dried tears from his cheeks, "Come on upstairs, I'll take him," he tells you and you nod.

All the while Aemond tries to comfort him until they reach the door of your apartment, but when he lays him down in his crib, Aenar cries more and he carefully holds him in his arms again, trying to soothe him while you quickly stop in the kitchen and prepare a baby bottle, hoping it will help.

And when you hand it to Aemond, he stands gently pacing around the room holding Aenar with one arm while the other hand holds the baby ottle for him against his mouth, hoping it will soothe him and he will fall asleep.

You take the bottle and Aemond carefully lays him down to sleep in his crib, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead to finally let him rest.

Aenar eventually calms down as he drinks from the baby bottle and watches with his blue eyes Aemond above him, who is still gently walking him around the room.

And little by little, wrapped in the safety of Aemond's arms, he falls asleep.

He sits up and turns to you, where you both look at each other without saying anything for a moment, sharing a silent connection.

"Thank you," you whisper to him.

"Don't worry," he says back to you in the same way.

Together you leave Aenar's room without a sound and gently close the door.

That night Aemond drives to his apartment with a new thought in mind, one of which is to always provide a better life for you and Aenar.

That's why, without telling you anything and taking advantage of the fact that it's your day off, he manages to leave the recording set early, he tells you to accompany him to the mall to buy new clothes for Aenar and you accept without thinking about anything else.

During the ride, so far you haven't questioned him about anything and that relieves him, but when you finally pay attention to the streets he is driving through, that's when your confusion appears and Aemond is thankful that you are about to arrive at the real place he wants to take you.

"I don't think there's a shopping mall around here, Aemond," you tell him confused, watching the streets carefully.

You realize that he is actually driving through a private residential neighborhood, with the streets lined with luxurious homes or rather mansions that would catch anyone's attention and you are clearly no exception.

And remembering your locations, you can tell that this neighborhood belongs to the Visenya Hill area, the most exclusive and prestigious area of King's Landing.

"Aemond, where are we going?" you look at him completely confused and questioning.

"I want to show you something," he tells you without giving you any more detail, generating more confusion and despair in you.

"But you said we were going to the mall."

"I know, but I lied to you," he says with some regret and you frown, "If I told you I wanted to show you a house where you can live with Aenar, you wouldn't have come."

"What?"

You inquire in your completely incredulous, serious and questioning voice, watching him with your eyes wide open.

"Surely you're joking," you tell him absurdly, shaking in his direction and watching him completely intently and seriously, really wanting to believe this is a joke.

"No, I'm not," he says letting out a small laugh, watching you for a moment to turn his gaze back to the road.

"Aemond," you start trying to warn him, serious.

"We're here," he announces out of nowhere, alerting you more fully.

You watch with your lips parted and completely attentive at all the windows, as the car comes to a stop in front of an impressive house, whose high ceilings and elegant white columns stand out in the neighborhood.

The front garden with the green lawn, a beautiful fountain and flowering bushes only make it stand out more, besides the elegant entrance, its huge windows and the dimension of the whole house that makes you continue to stare at everything with your mouth open.

In comparison, Aemond looks at the house with a hopeful expression and feeling genuinely happy and excited. But at the same time, he is worried about your attitude and what you will tell him about all this.

At first you refuse to get out of the car, still incredulous and surprised, telling him this is crazy, but Aemond makes you get out and also gets Aenar down from the back seats, instantly on this rare occasion preferring your arms instead of his father's.

"Aemond," you try to say, worried and still unable to believe it.

"Easy. Come," he tells you completely unconcerned, leading you to the entrance of the house.

You observe everything, unable to help yourself, as there is even furniture and everything looks too expensive but too beautiful at the same time.

You watch as he holds the fucking key in his hand and opens the beautiful, gigantic door for you, without giving you a chance to say anything else.

And as you enter, the entire interior of the house spreads out in front of you, illuminated by the daylight filtering through the windows and highlighting every majestic detail of the property.

The simple entrance is large with a crystal chandelier above you hanging from the high ceiling, the living room is spacious and there is also a small decorative fountain. Further on there is another living room that you can observe from the spacious and eye-catching kitchen.

And the entire upstairs also completely grabs your attention, having three huge bedrooms, the master bedroom being the largest of them all, each with its own bathroom and closet.

The bathroom down here is ridiculously large for a bathroom. The pantry is also a ridiculously large room for a pantry.

The garden is lovely and has a swimming pool which, according to Aemond, can be automatically closed off for Aenar's security. There is a laundry and drying room as well.

"It's perfect, don't you think?"

Aemond tells you slightly excited as you walk down the stairs behind him, with Aenar in your arms and who also looks at everything around him with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Work is nearby, my apartment is nearby and Elinda has come to this area to work before, so it won't be a problem," he tells you with that little smile, turning to you, looking with that gleam of hope compared to you.

He clearly expects the same reaction from you and even having already seen the house, you let out a sigh and look at him with a serious and confused expression.

"Aemond, what do you think you're doing?"

"Well, it's for you," he tells you, pointing to everything around him, still not seeing how much this is costing you, "It's perfect for you and Aenar. And a chance for him to live and grow up in a nice, spacious, safe place."

You are speechless for a moment, feeling that heaviness in your chest and your heart pounding as you press your lips together and briefly observe everything around you again.

"Everything will be taken care of by me, you won't have to worry about anything," he assures you softly, "Aenar's room is big, the kitchen is big, there are two living rooms and..." he shrugs, "Like I told you, everything is close by."

"Tell me you haven't already bought all this," you say slightly concerned.

And then all emotion from Aemond slowly fades.

"But why? What is it that—

"Aemond, this is too much," you interrupt him incredulously, shock in your eyes, "How do you think I'm just going to accept this just like that?"

He steps closer, with the slight concern in his gaze, trying to convey calm, but his eye reflects the urgency of his purpose.

"Y/N, please. I only want what's best for you and Aenar. Besides, you said you're moving soon and—

"Yes but to an apartment, not a house that costs millions of dollars," you tell him absurdly.

"Yes, I know, but—" he bites his lips, nervous, "I wanted to do this. I wanted to give this to you and Aenar," he says insistent, "A safe place in a quiet neighborhood, where you can also have your space without having to worry anymore."

You shake your head.

"But—

"Look, just..." he tries to find the right words, trying to work on your willing attitude for not accepting this, "Consider it, yes?" he insist, "You don't have to make a decision right now, for now I just wanted to show you around, nothing more," he says calmly, though you know that behind that calmness is an obvious longing.

"But it's just that this is too much and... no," you look at him with slight concern, "I don't need to consider it because no matter how much I think about it, my answer is no."

"Aemond, this..." you begin to say with restrained sadness, hesitating, "This won't change the past. This won't make it so I can forgive you," you tell him resignedly, "This isn't about me and Aenar, it's about Aenar nothing else and her well being," you tell him in a broken voice, "But this... this house... it's too much."

"Y/N..." he says, taking a couple more steps towards you, wary, "Two years ago, I was the worst shitty boyfriend," he says with sadness and regret, "I had to support you, be there for you completely, I shouldn't have let Criston talk me into his plans, accept in the beginning to hide you and hide my responsibility."

He says as he looks nostalgic at Aenar in your arms.

"And now that you've given me this second chance, I just want to make things right....I want to do what I should have done in the beginning."

Aemond's expression, although he himself tries to remain expressionless, still feels as if he has been hit hard in the stomach when he hears your words.

And all illusion disappears, as well as his enthusiasm.

He resignedly steps back, leaving a space between you and him, not wanting to overwhelm you any more than he already has.

He thought this would be a good idea, that by the time the three of you were here, looking forward to the idea of a new home, you would understand and accept.

But there are still many open wounds from the past and he knows they cannot be healed with these sudden gestures.

"I know, it's just that I-I..." he tries to say with his voice laden with regret and deep remorse," I didn't expect this... a house or an apology to just fix things," he says sincerely and with disappointment, "I just wanted to give Aenar stability and offer you a safe place for the both of you, give you a better life."

Silence envelops you both, dense and charged with mixed emotions.

Aemond tries to find some sign on your face, wanting you to see his true intention, longing for some small indication of hope or acceptance.

And you feel the overwhelming weight of responsibility and emotions inside you. All of this is tempting, though your heart is still scarred by past pain and also distrust. And you are torn between caution and the opportunity to give Aenar the stability he deserves.

Aemond remains silent, respecting your space and your time to process the situation. But the indecision in you is all too obvious.

"Y/N, I promise you that all this is for Aenar and nothing else," he tells you seriously and sincerely, "I promise I won't try anything, except to take care of him and make sure he lacks nothing," he insists, "At least stay in this house until he grows up a little more and if you still think it's too much, we can find a smaller place," he proposes.

His words are left floating in the air, while you continue to think too hard. His proposal echoing in your mind, plunging you into a sea of thoughts, with indecision.

Aemond seems to have put his heart on the table, but your emotions continue to struggle between caution and hope, as you cannot ignore the possibility of offering Aenar a more secure and stable life, which is all you wish for him since you could not give him that at the beginning.

And it is also what Aemond desires, that is why he is so insistent and you see his true intention to give this to Aenar, without any other intentions in between.

But is it right to trust him again? What if Criston and his team try to intervene again? This time they would do it more easily.

Maybe it can be different this time.

You honestly feel like you're taking a big risk by agreeing. It's a big bet to open your life and Aenar's to this new opportunity, but you also see how he's striving to give you something better.

And that's exactly what has you questioning and wondering: should I give this a chance?

"All right," you finally say in a soft voice with a mixture of nervousness, "But only for Aenar."

Aemond looks at you with surprise and hope.

"Really?"

You nod, swallowing hard and Aemond lets out a long breath, visibly relieved and then, avoiding smiling big, takes the house key from his front pocket and holds it out to you, to which you take it a little confused.

"Don't you have to give it to the real estate agent?"

"Actually, I already bought it," he says with a nervous but innocent gesture at the same time, scratching the back of his neck, "Well, I haven't paid the whole amount, but I've paid most of it. So it's yours."

Seven fucking Hells.

You can't help but think as you close your eyes for a moment and let out a sigh, unable to believe it.

The new house soon began to have that warmth the moment you started settling in with Aenar. Every room radiates a sense of peace and comfort that you haven't experienced in a long time.

The move wasn't difficult at all, the only thing you had to transport from the old apartment with the help of Aemond and his driver was your clothes, Aenar's clothes, her toys and her crib, nothing else.

The house already had furniture, beds, decorations and even televisions already installed.

The high ceilings allow natural light to flood in, while the white walls set off the black and gray furniture and Aenar toys, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere.

Aemond builds Lego block forts together with him, buys him toy dragons, cars, stuffed animals and they both watch Aenar's favorite cartoon or movies, getting cozy on the shag carpet or on the couch.

Because Aemond's apartment is close by, his commitment is more accessible, so there is never a day that goes by that he doesn't visit Aenar.

Special moments between father and son are spent in the living room, where toys scattered on the floor become Aenar's playroom area.

Also some evenings the three of you have dinner together, where Aemond offers to feed Aenar and eventually the dining room fills with laughter and smiles as you focus on him.

The backyard also becomes a realm of adventure, where they both even plan picnics and invite you over.

They also both sometimes spend afternoons exploring with laughter and playing with the plastic cars on the lawn where Aenar imitates the sounds Aemond makes from a car.

The new house is filled with happy and warm moments, forming the perfect setting for Aenar to begin to grow up, having both of his parents looking after him.

The proximity of work and Aemond's apartment made the daily routine easier. The routes are short and convenient, allowing more time to enjoy time together.

And above all you definitely feel more at ease having Elinda taking care of Aenar while you are considerably closer to home from the set.

When one day at night, you had already received a message from Aemond telling you that he would be a little late to visit Aenar, as usual, and you replied that it was fine, even though tomorrow is your day off and you have no problem with sleeping late.

But the clock is almost half past eleven at night and you think he is not going to arrive, when just at that moment you hear the doorbell ring and you go to the door, checking from the IPad the cameras of a program that Aemond installed to record Aenar while he sleeps and also monitors in case of anything and so you can make sure he is okay.

And finally you open the door, watching Aemond carefully.

"I thought you weren't coming anymore," you tell him in a low, warm tone, but also worried.

Aemond nods, letting out a sigh.

"I finished later than I thought. It was a hard day," he tells you heavily.

You nod softly and understandingly, stepping aside to let him pass.

"Aenar is already asleep."

"Yes, that's what i thought," he says calmly, "But it doesn't matter, I won't wake him up, I just want to see him," he watches you with tired eye, "You should go to sleep too," he says as he places one of his hands gently on your shoulder, "I'll lock up and set the alarm when I leave."

Hesitation shows on your face for a moment, watching him intently and with a flash of concern.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry," he nods at you with a small soft smile, "Go get some rest, I'll take care of it."

"Fine, but anything tell me, no matter what it is, okay?"

"Okay."

With a soft nod, you both head up the stairs and down the hallway to the rooms, you wave goodbye to him before entering your room and he enters Aenar's room.

And once in your room, you cover yourself with your sheets and thinking that you would fall asleep the moment you were in the comfort of your bed, you suddenly stare at the ceiling for a long time unable to close your eyes and clearly unable to sleep.

He hasn't left yet, as you haven't heard that soft 'click' of the door or his footsteps in the hallway walking away.

You try to find sleep any way you can, but the thought that Aemond is still in the house is what keeps you awake.

And it's not because you don't trust him, on the contrary, you look at the time and feel remorseful and worried that he has to drive back to his apartment so late.

Minutes pass and suddenly you find yourself restless, sleep refusing to invade you. So with quiet steps, you approach Aenar's room, where the dim light of a night lamp reflects through the frame below the door.

Carefully and determined, you gently open the door, first peeking your head and then your body, catching the attention of Aemond who turns his head towards you, sitting near Aenar's crib and gently and very lightly stroking his hair so as not to wake him with a look of affection that does not leave his face despite the interruption.

"Can't you sleep?" he whispers to you, watching you with a soft gaze.

You nod softly, folding your arms as you look down at sleeping Aenar with palpable tenderness.

"It's late and I thought maybe... if you want, you can sleep here," you say with a warm tone but your hint of shyness in your voice is noticeable, as well as your hesitation to suggest such a thing.

It's no problem for you, it's just that he's never slept over before and you don't know what his reaction will really be to you proposing that, whether he'll say yes or no.

"And you're okay with that?" he observes you thoughtfully and softly.

"Yes, of course I am," you assure him completely nonchalantly, "It's totally fine with me."

He nods at you with a gesture, without wiping away his soft little smile.

"Thank you."

And then both his gaze and yours return to watching Aenar asleep in his crib. And Aemond resumes the smile of tenderness on his lips, again sliding his hand over his hair.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" he whispers with a flash of pride in his gaze.

You hum in assent, slowly moving closer toward them both.

"Yes, he is," you reply, gazing at your little one with indescribable love.

A brief silence envelops you for a moment, only hearing the soft hum of the spinning lamp projecting images on the ceiling, creating a peaceful low-light scene of animals and stars for Aenar.

This usually helps him sleep and also calms him down a bit if he wakes up crying in the middle of the night while you wake up and rush over here.

"For a while I imagined how he would looked like, whether boy or girl..." he murmurs in a soft, warm, low, wistful tone, "No matter what you decided to do when you left, I always thought about it," he gives you a meaningful look, guilt on his features and you nod, watching him with understanding.

Aemond clenches his jaw and looks at Aenar again, while you remember those days, where fear and uncertainty lived inside you every day.

You wish you had them, those happy moments that a new mom should experience, but that was not the case for you and yet... you cannot imagine a life without your little boy, it is impossible.

What is supposed to be happy news, was not happy for you and Aemond.

There was no single moment of joy at the beginning, when you learned of your pregnancy. Nor did you experience that feeling the first few months, when you ran away and went back to building a new life.

And Aemond feels the remorse most in these kinds of moments, when Aenar is asleep and he looks at him, not being able to believe and wondering over and over again how it is that from the beginning, he supported the idea of just getting rid of him.

And now he sees only him and cannot imagine a world without him.

Shame overcomes him, guilt also and he even wants to cry with anger as he thinks of all that you must have gone through, without his support, trying to make a living for you and his son, all alone in a new and unknown place.

And he knows that this, allowing you to be in Aenar's life, is a great opportunity that he doesn't deserve and yet you have given it to him.

"I know you said you can't forgive me but... someday can you? For how I reacted and for the decision I supported in the beginning?" he asks you, unable to help himself and needing to know.

His tone is charged with a mixture of regret and longing as you feel a pressure and a slight sharp pain in your chest at his words.

Silence stretches for a moment throughout the room, Aemond respects your silence and though there are many reasons why you should never forgive him for what happened, you still decide to be honest.

"I don't know," you whisper in a low, sad and vulnerable tone.

The words echo through the room, enveloping the space with palpable tension.

Aemond feels his heart pounding, filled with overwhelming regret. He lowers his gaze, unable to bear the weight of his mistakes and your words are like a dagger in his heart, but still, he understands you completely.

He nods with compression, letting out a regret-laden sigh, still gently stroking Aenar's hair.

"I understand," he murmurs with a tone of melancholy and fragility, as well as in his gaze full of pleading and remorse.

"Does your family know about him?"

And you with your sad eyes full of regret, you watch him out of the corner of your eye.

And you see all those emotions in him, all his thoughts reflected in his gaze, trying to stand firm and on the sidelines as he continues to watch Aenar.

You can't help but ask, trying to calm the atmosphere a little, though it's useless, as that slight tension is felt and also that physical and emotional distance from both your side and him.

"I've wanted to tell them, only Nyra knows but I asked her not to say anything," he confesses to you in a low voice, trying to speak firmly but the nostalgia is clear, "Even though I know my mother and siblings will be disappointed in me when I explained what happened two years ago, yes I have wanted to tell them," he nods, "But first I wanted to discuss it with you," he says looking briefly at you over his shoulder.

And now it is remorse that comes to you.

"Tell them, Aemond," you tell him firmly with a soft tone, "They deserve to know."

general taglist:

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next part:

@hypocritic-trash-baby

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen fanfic #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x you #aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen x y/n #hotd aemond #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x oc #aemond x reader #aemond one eye #modern aemond #aemond targaryen angst

[lvlyghost]

Disobedience

PAIRINGS: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader

SUMMARY: Simon warned you not to go out, but a quick trip to the local pub doesn't seem like a bad idea.

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

TW: angst, comfort. overprotective!simon, reader is careless, pregnancy, established relationship. another part(? idk. poorly edited. mind the english. you know the drill 💗🌝

A/N: heh, so i'm down with —another— cold and I was just drifting off to sleep thanks to the meds when this idea hit me so i had to write it down, wish it was longer though, was planning on adding more angst but if this does well a second part might happen; (simon's still mad at reader🌚). enjoy🍂🌝

Masterlist✨

"So you did exactly what I specifically told you not to do?" He mutters, pacing back and forth in front of you, who could only stare up at him with wide eyes and parted lips. You had never seen him this mad. Not in the two years of relationship you so carefully built up.

It happened the night before he was supposed to return from deployment.

Simon had been gone for two months to a special operation with the task force or so he had told you. He couldn't disclose much about his work so he gave you little-to-no information regarding his mission and part of you felt relieved, he had said countless of times that there were things that he never wanted you to learn about. So you just did what you knew best: hug him and love him endlessly. And he did the same for you.

God knows Simon Riley loved you.

But going out for a few drinks —although you really didn't have any, thank the tiny human growing inside you— seemed harmless. Catching up with your small group of three friends after not seeing each other for months was something that couldn't kill anyone. And in all honesty you were going crazy. Needed a distraction. Fresh air. Break the routine you had fallen onto.

Simon had been gone for a while, and it's something you accepted when you started dating. So he wasn't the one to blame at all. Just like it wasn't his fault that you blatantly disobeyed him when he had called you through a secure line.

'Listen to me, love.' You could practically hear the worry in his voice. Things have taken a turn, yeah? I need you to stay in. Word's spreading these terrorists are targeting... families. I- I just need you to be safe yeah? Until I get home. It'll take a day tops. We don't wanna risk it. Jus' wait for me, please."

Needless to say that you had agreed at first, and it didn't took much convincing from your friends to drag you out. After all, Simon had made sure that you were off the radar to these terrorist or mercenaries. He put so much care to your safety, little people knew about your existence; so there was no reason to be worried right? A few hours of mingling then you'd go back. it's not like you could stand being out for so long either way.

The small bump on your belly was enough reason to call it a night a few hours into the night. Your pregnancy was still at the point where sleep got the best of you. The emotional outbursts were also not rare. The morning sickness that came with it.

But now under Simon's disapproving eyes you wonder if you had taken the right decision to disregard the order he had given you. All for an innocent reunion with the girls. His big hands are on his hips, staring you down with those brown eyes that you love, just not right now. You wonder if this is what the soldiers under his command feel when they're the subject of his ire. You hold back the tears. Fuck, he's not even being so hard on you, not even raising his voice. He'd never do that to you. Disappointing him is something you are not so proud of now.

"I didn't think it would be that bad." Simon scoffs, pinching the bridge of his nose as an eerie silence settles between the two. "I know it's the dumbest excuse I- it was going to be for a few hours..."

Until he had barged into the pub. His eyes roaming around the establishment until he locked eyes with you, he had relaxed instantly. The deep pit that had set in his stomach when he got home only to be greeted by a deafening silence began to fade. Then anger reared its ugly head when he silently asked —demanded— you to stand up and led the two out of the place. The ride back in complete silence, hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. Why couldn't you just obey him for once? It took you hours to completely forget about his warnings. What if they laid hands on you? On his unborn child? Gritting his teeth he had stared forward focusing on anything but the thought of finding your dead body, of him scooping you up all bloodied and unreachable. Gone to somewhere he couldn't follow just yet.

Simon stalks forward sitting down on the coffee table in front of you, wood creaking beneath his weight. He leaned forward, face mere centimeters from yours as his arms rest on his thighs.

"Love." He calls you, and then he softly murmurs your name. "I'm trying to protect you..." he swallows, eyes traveling down to your small bump and then back to you again. "Both of you. If something happened..." Simon's jaw clenched, he doesn't even want to think of the worst scenarios. "We have enemies and i'd never forgive myself..." You stop him, grabbing his gloved hands and squeezing them with yours. The soft touch he had longed for these past months. He absentmindedly caressed your warm skin.

"Nothing's gonna happen, baby." You assured him, he stares intently at your eyes and finds nothing but love.

"Lost people before this way." He breathes out. And you feel like the biggest moron in the world. He's talking about his family. Simon rarely talks about them. "Hell will freeze before I let that happen again." Standing up he follows, arms wrapping around his middle. "Price set up a safe house for us, until things calm down and get the bastards." One of his hands rests on the nape of your neck inhaling the aroma of your shampoo, the other one firmly set on your swollen belly. He's missed this. Just being around you. Feeling you against him.

"You're coming too right? Missed you terribly." He rest his chin on top of your head.

"Don't think I could leave you now even if I had to."

You sigh deeply, placing a kiss on his chest; you wonder if one day the danger will stop. Simon's made many enemies along the years. But his efforts to keep his identity a secret were greater than any threat out there. Now with you and a baby in the way he'd never rest until he was sure no harm will get to you.

#cod #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod x reader #cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod mw22 #simon ghost riley #call of duty #cod ghost #cod simon ghost riley #cod simon riley #simon riley imagine #simon ghost x you #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost simon riley #simon riley #ghost modern warfare #ghost call of duty #ghost mw2 #ghost cod #cod mwiii #simon ghost x reader

[meanbossart]

Lore Ask Compilation: "Every Other Question Is About The Drow's Dick" edition

Oh I LOVE Minthara, her dialogue is absolutely fascinating and in my opinion some of the best written In the game. Experiencing her in my Evil Durge playthrough without having been spoiled to her companion scenes prior was great - the amount of depth they managed to add to her, without it at all feeling forced or rushed, and considering how much less time she gets to develop at our side is really well done. While nearly everyone's quests had me immersed, she was one of the few characters who really made me pause and think about the things she had to say to me, what she truly meant by them, and what they meant for me as an avatar doing an evil run.

We have a lot of characters in this game that are meant to be full of wisdom and experience, who are meant to be the ones who say the right thing at the right time that inspires us to make the correct choices, but I don't think either Halsin or Jaheira (and I love Jaheira) made me feel like I knew so little about life quite as Minthara did.

And, of course, she's absolutely hysterical. 10/10 I wish she had a proper companion quest past being rescued but I understand why she doesn't.

[MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT]

It doesn't connect to the urethra since the slit in on top, so he nuts and pisses normal.

Also you 100% are not sorry, stop lying to me.

Man, I thought a lot about this one because I play so fast and loose with the content the game gives us that I'm positive there must be SOMETHING I'm completely disregarding, but I couldn't think of anything! I've chosen to pick slightly less obvious interpretations to some lines and text but nothing that completely deviates from canon, I don't think. If anyone has noticed something I neglected to mention, feel free to let me know - not because I want to revise it, but just because I'm curious!

For the second part of the question, not really. Larian did a great job of giving us plenty of room to play around in the dark urge's background, I think I'm yet to see something that I find to truly "not fit" in the ample freedom they've given us. I have my preferences, of course - I'm shocked to find that most dark urge's are NOT big hulking beasts, for example - in fact that seems to be the minority by far, but I realize that I have my... Uh... Biases.

You can see a cute little divot through the fabric if you look closely LOL

And nah, I think his penis has seen enough sharp points for a lifetime.

Well.

Unless someone decided to add some bite-marks to it.

HMMM, I... Don't think so.

He didn't cry as a baby, he didn't cry as a child (and this isn't something I just decided on now - this is a major reason why his foster drow mother even kept him around) he didn't really cry growing up or at any point during the campaign. I think he is capable of it - sadness in him just tends to be far more confusing a feeling than anything else.

He will have emotional moments in ANE, whether or not that will culminate in crying is something you will have to wait to find out LOL

Astarion has noticed this and just took it as a character trait - the drow doesn't cry, he just gets confused, angry, frustrated or simply bottles it up. While he can be demanding of his emotional maturity, he isn't going to try and dictate how he should experience his own feelings. If it did happen it would definitely catch him majorly off-guard, perhaps even shift the perception he has of him to a certain extent.

Oh my god you just know they All managed to be utterly quiet about it for as long as humanly (and unhumanly) possible until like, I don't even know, halfway through the Shadow-cursed lands where one day Karlach finally turns back to the group around the campfire after a half-nude drow has strut past and she's like "SO

"DOES ANYONE KNOWS WHY HIS DICK HAS A SNATCH"

And Wyll is like :0... Karlach you can't just ask people that.

And then she pointedly turns to Astarion and starts trying to interrogate him on how it works while Gale covers his ears and Shadowheart is like:

This is gonna blow you guys backwards but he does not do those things in front of people and thinks its rude if you do.

HMMM Mostly physically but it's a little subtle. He really enjoys interacting with Astarion's (and previously Orin's) hands - kissing, holding, caressing. Touching hair and faces as well. He can engage in more overt physical affection but usually Astarion has to be the one to initiate.

A disarmingly earnest proclamation of love and adoration here and there as well - he isn't shy in the slightest to tell people how he feels about them, he just isn't constantly reminding them of it unless inspiration strikes.

Most of all I think he expects his loved-ones to see his care for them in his tendency to go out of his way to help them achieve their goals.

He went with them to the Shadow-cursed lands but I never helped him fix the curse, so he stayed behind when the gang went onwards to the city. DU Drow didn't really like him so it was good-riddance as far as he was concerned.

If he had come along and propositioned him during act 3 - uh, you know the really mean rejection line you have as a choice during that dialogue? Yeah, that one lmao.

Alas, DU drow is just monogamous. He could entertain group-sex with a partner for fun at the most, but not ever a third person in the relationship. And In my personal interpretation (but by all means - everyone else have fun with their poly arrangements!) of Astarion and his delivery of the "this is about Halsin" line, I also thought he was lying about being comfortable with it, so I write him as monogamous as well.

Nothing. Nada. Not a thing. Say what you'd like about Bhaal but he sure knows how sculpt them out of his murder-meat.

(Thank you!!!)

#ask compilation #DU drow lore #bg3 spoilers

[rafesgiirl]

I'm not a violent dog, I don't know why I bite

summary: rafe can't control his emotions, he doesn't know how to vent, he doesn't even know what's the thing that feels inside of him, until y/n showed up

warnings: ANGST ANGST, mentions of Rafe's dead mother, cursing, mentions of ward being an absolute dick

author's note: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC 😭 I know it sucks, but I tried my best, it's based on a TikTok edit, this one, I hope you like it 😭😭.

word count: around 2000

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE

rafe cameron has always been seen as an aggressive person, as the one who 'handles the business', as that drug addict kid, as the one who killed sheriff peterkin, the one who had the guts to drown his sister.

few knew the backstory, and those who did... didn't even care.

"rafe cameron is bad" "rafe cameron is aggressive" "rafe cameron is crazy"... what rafe cameron really was was a broken kid, but no one seemed to notice it.

that day everything changed, that day he met the girl of his dreams, pretty face and nice body, a smile to die for, her long eyelashes...

her name was y/n y/l/n, she was a beautiful girl, that anyone would drool over.

"uh.... hi... are you— are you new?" he asked the bright-eyed girl.

"oh! hi! yes, I'm new over here" she laughed, a laugh that could stop wars if only they could hear it. “my name is y/n y/l/n, what is yours?” y/n looked directly into his eyes, as if she was searching for something, he felt intimidated, he felt as if she could see right through him.

“rafe…, ‘s nice to meet ya’” the tone of his voice making clear that he was uncomfortable.

“rafe? that's a beautiful name, it suits you so well!”

“thanks..” he furrowed his brows, who was this girl and why was she so captivating?

“oh! wait! rafe? like in Rafe Cameron???”

shit, she knew who he was, she was probably going to say all the bullshit that he didn't need to hear, but before he even had the chance to walk away, she started rambling.

“oh lord! I can't believe it! your family owns Cameron developments right?? oh god my dad ‘s super friend of yours! that means that we could be friends too, right rafe??” those words slipped from her mouth before she could notice she covered her mouth with her hands and then she giggled. “‘m sorry rafe”

his gaze softened at this girl, she was too sweet, almost innocent. he took a deep breath and smiles softly at her.

“no, ‘s fine, we could be friends… yeah— if you want to, yeah?”

“yey!” was the only thing before she squealed and went away giggling and running.

that girl… that girl had something, something that intrigued rafe.

some months passed by, he and she got along really nice, their families often got together so it made it easier for them to develop a friendship.

y/n and rafe got along just well, hanging out, partying together, laughing and smiling... something that he believed that would end up so wrong. after all, he was rafe fucking cameron, the one and only, he was aggressive, he was a dumbass, he just wanted to snort coke and fight with people, he didn't know better… right?

y/n knew about rafe's problems, about his drug addiction, anger issues, daddy issues, he wanted to be the man, because he didn't he feel heard enough, he needed to shine, but the only thing he did, was screw things up with people.

"y/n are you awake?"

his dark voice sounded in her ear as she picked up the call.

"mhm, is everything alright?" she just woke up, it was 3 in the fucking morning, what does he want?

"just wanted to thank you, do you think I could take you.. uh to The Druthers sometime and.. y'know— hang out, tan together, or play uno?"

"rafe? are you okay? why are you saying this now? it's 3am"

"I'm conscious of that, sweetheart" she could hear laughs on the phone.

"rafe.. are you high?"

"uhm— no, no.. I'm not"

"yeah... well, we'll talk about 'going to The Druthers sometime' okay?"

"yeah, sure" he says with a scoff

"I'm being serious, it's 3 in the fucking morning and I'm really tired, talk to you later, yeah?"

silence invaded the call.

"yeah, sure, the only thing you're going to do later is tell me off for not being at my house, and probably also for being drugged, but who the hell cares? no one, y/n, to no one"

"rafe, stop it"

"yeah, because no one gives a single fuck about me, Sarah? she hates me for— for trying to protect what's mine. my dad?" his voice cracks "he hates me, Sarah is the golden child, what am I to him??"

y/n took a deep breath.

"rafe cameron, the kook prince, the most wanted boy in the outer banks, are you seriously saying this to me??" she giggles "Sarah is stupid, the only thing she has in mind is the fucking gold for the fucking Pogues, so ignore that shit, and your father..." her voice trails off "but people do care about you, what about Topper? or Kelce?"

"and you?" he asks.

"me?"

"yeah— yeah shit, you, do you care about me?"

"why do you ask?"

rafe stays silent, once again "b-because I want to know if you care about me, can you fucking answer?"

"yes"

rafe sighs in relief.

"of course I care about you, you dumbass, I wouldn't be in this call if I didn't care"

"you wanted to leave"

"yes, because it's 3am rafe, please" she laughs again, provoking a laugh from him too.

"yeah" he laughs "it's true, I'll go home now, rest good, yeah?"

"mhm, okay rafe, love you"

"what— what the fuck did you just say?"

she laughs once again "I love you, dummy, be safe, yeah?"

"yeah— yeah, bye"

the call ended.

the next day, they were in The Druthers, she was sitting and looking at the sea, he was laying on her lap, letting her play with the locks of his dirty blonde hair.

"y/n?" rafe said really softly.

"yes rafe?"

"thanks"

she looks down at him "for?"

"for loving me"

"damn Rafe, you're doing it wrong.. come here" she helps him sit and she embraces him.

"you help me a fucking lot, y/n and I really want to thank you" he sounded SO pussy whipped, but he didn't care

"I don't do anything, Rafey, it's okay, yeah?"

"I.. damn.. I sometimes feel things in my insides and— and— I just don't know how to fuckin' control 'em, you got me?"

"yes, I understand, what kind of things do you feel?" she said removing her sunglasses from her nose, to put them next to the blonde.

"I don't feel anger, it's a weird feeling, it's more like.." and he goes quiet.

he starts gesturing things with his hands, only provoking a giggle on her.

"don't laugh, I'm— I'm being serious, you spoiled thing"

"I just feel rage, I feel sadness.. I don't feel anger" he says, his baby blue eyes locked with hers, he lays now on his back, looking at the sky, becoming silent.

"I... sometimes think about my mother, and how disappointed would she be if she discovered who I am right now. that I'm not that small child full of giggles and smiles, now I'm.." his voice trails off as he sits, giving her back to her, his voice obviously cracking just at the thought of his mother.

"rafe.." she says, furrowing her brows in worry and placing a small hand on the back of his shoulder.

"my friends think I like to fight." he takes a pause, inhaling deeply "but it's just not true— I mean, yeah, sometimes I lose my temper and blow off a little steam. but I never enjoyed it"

he wipes one of the tears threatening to fall, and he gulps.

"I'm not a violent dog." he turns to face her, his eyes full of tears.

"I don't know why I bite..."

her eyes were sad, looking at him, she was genuinely worried about him, she just embraced him and let him cry on her shoulder.

"they don't deserve you, rafe, they don't..." y/n says with all the delicacy in the world.

"you're too much for them, you're kind and smart, and... you're beautiful, in your insides.."

"I'm sure your mother understands you, your father doesn't because he's messed up in the fucking head, but I understand you, rafe"

rafe looks at her, frowning and looking at her in disbelief "how can you even understand me, how can you even love me, huh??"

"I just do, your heart.. your heart says things that your mouth doesn't, I know your looks, rafe, when you boil, you're not angry... the sadness turns to aggressiveness"

"you can't say that, you don't know me like I know myself" he says again in a broken voice.

"I could try to know you if you wanted me to" she adds with a smile.

he looks at her in disbelief, still frowning "what if I hurt you? like I hurted Sarah, or Wheezie that time when I grabbed her arm and left bruises on her arm for a week” he starts to ramble.

“shh, rafe, it's okay, you won't hurt me, I want to do this, I want to be there for you”

“I don't understand why”

“because I love you” she says quietly, slowly leaning to take his hand.

“I love you, rafe Cameron”

the tears in his eyes disappeared and then they turned even brighter, he smiles and nods.

“I— I love you too y/n”

#my first fic #im so sorry lol #rafe fic #rafe cameron #angst #rafe x reader #rafe angst #yn

[railingsofsorrow]

still friends

summary: garcia and morgan know things.

pairing: s.reid x gn!reader

w.c: 1.1K

warnings: break-up talk; angst; insecurities; problems with attachment; longing; regrets; happy ending? read and find out; poorly edited.

A/N: funfact, this was supposed to be a small drabble.

[inspired by meant to be; ber, charlie oriain]

navi

masterpost

━━━━━━━━━━━━

“you really do love him, don't you?”

you're not used to being called out. all your life you masked your emotions with the skills of a performer. body behaviour and vulnerability wasn't something that walked side by side with you. you had total control of your surroundings, but mostly of the way your hands were placed, how fast you blinked and/or the tone of your voice.

vulnerability can be expressed in many ways. one of them is the way you react to certain things. do you yell? do you cry? do you stay quiet and shut down for a few days? do you seek help right away?

you were taught, from a very young age, that building up walls was a necessary means to ensure safety. they can't break you down if they don't know how to.

although, some days, you wish that it was different. what if you wore your heart on your sleeve? what if you said what you wanted to say instead of just abdicating of the things that made you fear but also made you feel alive?

it was a burden hanging onto your shoulders like a heavy luggage in a long trip — where would you dump it? could you get rid of it? would you want to get rid of it?

hard question. one you've always ignored.

and then, there is penelope garcia. who preaches she's nowhere as good in profiling as her team is, but she can read the silence and see beneath a forced smile from a mile away.

the mask that you walk around with? the inscrutable brick wall. penelope just crumbled it down with an axe. it turned into sand; it had always been sand. so thin that it dripped from your fingers like water.

you felt ashamed.

“i don't know what you're talking about.” you clear your throat, completely unprepared by that claim from your friend. the poor excuse escaping from your lips as easy as whatever emotion your eyes mirrored. for a split of second.

to penelope, that had been lingering for a while. she did truly believe that saying about the eyes being the window of the soul. and she couldn't help but notice that your soul along with spencer's... displayed the same shadow.

it was sad, really. penelope garcia was a fixer. she wanted everything to go according to plan, even if if didn't, she made sure it would.

not this time.

“you two have the same look towards each other.” she shared, playing with her colourful pen nervously. god, how could she stop their suffering? maybe if she knew the reason of your break-up... “you never told me why you two broke up.” you almost flinched, hands clenching instinctively. here's your body again, defending itself, building up mechanics to escape and survive. “i'm sorry,” the blonde grimaced, touching the back of your hand softly. “i didn't mean to sound so invasive—”

“you didn't.” you said, ignoring that little voice yelling shut up, don't be weak! “we, uh— we decided. it was a mutual decision.” there were scientific explanations about why you felt as if your heart were pinching your ribcase when you remembered an old lover. you couldn't remember any of that now.

“oh.” she said, acting surprised. not acting, she really was surprised. that made you let out a chuckle. penelope told you once that you and spencer were the two people she trusted would be forever. it's like... meant to be. you're perfect for each other.

well, perfect can become unbearable sometimes. or it can never exist at all.

your eyebrows slowly drew together. “what do you mean we share the same look?” the smile she gave you didn't please you that much. it was sad, almost pitiful.

“it's that longing... like he's missing something. his eyes say everything. you know that.”

your gaze fell to your unfinished paperwork, reading twice to figure out where you needed to get back to. you didn't met your friends’ eyes for a while. you didn't know what to say to that.

you missed spencer. of course you did. you love him with your whole heart. but it wasn't enough. the both of you weren't enough to one another. and that's fine, you've been over this for a hundred times in your head. a thousand other possibilities could have happened. so many what ifs...

but the past was in the past, there was not point in dwelling on it.

the burning sensation on your cheek didn't force you to look in the culprit's direction. no. you focused on your paperwork just like penelope had resumed to her fast typing.

we are still friends.

spencer's tongue twitched in his mouth, itching in anticipation. it was overwhelming feeling as if he couldn't utter a word to you. you're coworkers. you were friends before... before your relationship ended. so why can't it be easy like before? why can't it be that carefree and non-problematic?

he missed your laughs. he missed the scrunch in the middle of your forehead when you were focused. he even missed your incessant habit of chewing a pen cap. spencer missed everything. he missed the fighting and the occasional silence treatment. he missed saying sorry even if he wasn't in the wrong. he missed you.

why did he agreed to that stupid break-up?

“you good, pretty boy?” he blinked awake once he felt a nudge on his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. the painful reality of loneliness.

spencer only did realized he was staring into your direction when his eyes focused again. he quickly looked away. anywhere else. it ended up being derek, who stared at him with a half knowing half concerned look.

“yeah.” spencer said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he stood up from his desk. “i'm gonna make some coffee. you- you want some?” his felt his face warming up like it would fucking explode.

derek, to spencer's luck, decided to let it slide and nodded. he scrambled away with two mugs in hand, disappearing into the kitchenette.

it didn't matter thinking about the range of possibilities of what he could have done or said. because the past is in the past. it's over — spencer thought bitterly as a drip of hot coffee landed on his hand. he hissed, turning on the tap to quickly wash away the burning.

burning.

he missed the burning.

he missed you.

but it wouldn't come back. it was over. he was only left with the past.

at least we're still friends, right?

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taglist: @lilyviolets

#spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid x gn!reader #reader insert #spencer reid angst #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid x reader

[originalcollectionartistry]

I always knew... SFW

Hey all!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything lately... things happened and I didn't have the energy to write.

Echo's sequel is coming, I just need to edit. I have a Tech fluff in the works and I promise I'll for Wrecker and Crosshair soon.

Anyway, here's a Hunter fic for you! I do have a smutty part 2 planned for this one, I just need the energy to write it.

CW: Angst, emotional torment, jealousy, idiots in love, protective Hunter, Hemlock trying to manipulate reader

Word count: 2673

___________________________________________________________

Once you had settled in Pabu, you thought the missions were over but no. You still went on missions for credits, or to help Phee retrieve some artifact. You didn’t mind, but it always felt like they were becoming more and more dangerous with less chance of all of you coming back alive. When you did all come back alive, it was a different opponent you silently fought on Pabu.

You didn’t know what it was about Shep’s sister-in-law that made your skin crawl. Only that she was a sweet talker and could manipulate very easily. Phee was always cordial with her, but Tech and Echo made their distrust very clear while being polite. What you didn’t like was how all over Hunter she was. Hunter never made it clear whether he was interested or not which made you on edge. The way she was flirting and touching him made you feel sick every time you saw it.

“You, okay?” Wrecker elbowed you, snapping you out of thought.

You looked around and saw everyone staring at you expectantly. Hunter’s face was set in an unreadable way, so you didn’t know if he was annoyed or concerned.

“Hm, yeah,” you smiled. “Just a bit tired. What did I miss?”

You were re-briefed on the newest mission and your role in it. You were to sneak with Tech and Echo to retrieve the information needed for Rex about Hemlock’s location on Tantiss while Hunter, Wrecker, Crosshair were to draw fire if it was needed, Phee was the getaway driver while Tech was occupied. While Echo plugged into the station, Tech would go on about decryption and you would scour for all relevant information as Echo transferred and moved files around, all while keeping the alarms off.

Hunter looked at you expectantly and you nodded. “Yes Hunter, I know what to do.”

“Alright. Let’s stock up and head out in 4 hours,” Hunter ordered.

You all dispersed to stock up on rations and equipment and as you left, you saw Meela saunter up to Hunter, practically laying herself on his chest. You heard her compliment his commandeering and how he was so strong for your team. You rolled your eyes as Hunter looked down at her and thanked her before taking her waist and moving her elsewhere. You gagged slightly before moving things onto the Marauder. Crosshair noticed and chuckled a little. Everyone knew of your crush on the sergeant but at your request (begging) the squad swore to not tell Hunter. Besides, it was best for him to figure it out on his own.

“You’re really not going to say anything?” the sniper snarked as he loaded his shooter above his bunk.

You glanced over from your spot, where you were loading rations into the compartments. You shook your head and kept quiet. You really didn’t want to have this conversation, especially with the chance Hunter might walk in at any time.

“Alright then. Keep your secrets sarad. He’ll find out eventually.”

Hunter joined you not long after. He made orders to move out earlier than expected. Wrecker shoved his equipment in the compartment before settling into his bunk, Echo and Tech finished upgrades on the ship and you closed your compartment to finish stocking once you were on the move.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Gods sarad! Can’t you go faster?” Echo asked desperately. “They’ll be on us any second!”

“Two more seconds! I’ll find it!” You were frantically sorting through files while Tech decrypted everything. You made a sound of success and told Echo which one to grab.

The mission went wrong from the get-go. You weren’t counting on motion sensors or silent alarms. The Empire typically used overwhelming numbers and force to counter an opponent but this time it was a shock to you all when Crosshair commed almost instantly once you were inside that you needed to move fast as there were troops converging on your location. Hunter and Wrecker distracted some troops and drew their fire but there were still troops coming.

Echo disengaged from the station and Tech unplugged his datapad. You all drew your blasters and set out to rendezvous at the ship. You all ran frantically, exchanging blaster fire behind you.

You didn’t look where your foot landed and tripped, falling flat on your face. Echo and Tech paused, and you screamed at them to keep going. You’d be fine! The mission was more important. They hesitated but saw you get up before they were rushing off to the rendezvous point.

You got yourself up and shot the four troopers surrounding you. You ran to catch up, but a trooper was able to stun you from a blind spot. The last thing you saw was troopers surrounding you and picking you up before you blacked out.

This was not good. I’m sorry guys… I’m sorry Hunter.

______________________________________________________________

You had assumed you’d be transferred and thrown into a cell but as you walked around the room you’d been given, you wondered what Hemlock’s game was. You sat on the bed, hoping this wasn’t some sort of seduction tactic. Hemlock wasn’t your type. Your type was back on the Marauder, being flown back to Pabu to see his ill-defined girlfriend. Whether or not Hunter knew, you saw Meela draped over him in a supply closet before heading out and he had made no move to remove her. So, with a broken heart, you walked on, pretending to not see them.

“Still wondering if your clones will find you?” a voice resonated behind you.

You turned and found Hemlock standing in your entryway. He placed something on a shelf near the entranceway before approaching you, a smirk on his face.

You shrugged. “That depends entirely on if they got away or not. I told them the mission comes first and to not risk their lives for me. So, Royce Hemlock, if they escaped then they’ll probably return to our base. It’ll be a while before they notice I’m gone.” You hated saying it, but you felt it a little bit true. The batch had their own lives blooming, and you didn’t know if you were part of it.

“Hmm,” Hemlock mused. “It must be hard not knowing if you have a place with them. Not knowing if they value you to come for you.”

You raised a brow. Your boys cared for you as their own. You were a family. What in the Force was he talking about? They had to come back for you… right?

___________________________________________________________

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE’S NOT HERE?” Hunter roared. “You three were supposed to be here before any of us!”

Phee looked concerned, she’d never seen the boys this angry or upset before. You were clearly more important to them than they led on. She knew you were their medic and an integral party of their little family but with the way Hunter was acting and the others reacting, it was clear they cared for you much more than she thought.

“We have to go back for her!” Omega begged. She nearly lost Crosshair to the Empire. She wasn’t about to lose you too.

Tech sighed, “She was right behind us. She told us to keep moving after she fell, and we heard her breathing heavily behind us. Besides, we have no idea where she is. For all we know she’s been moved and detained. It’ll be more prudent to regroup and plan. Maybe she’ll find a way to escape and alert us.”

Hunter stared into one of the monitors on the ship, staring at the picture you all took of each other after a successful mission. Your smiling face, adrenaline filled eyes, messy braids, and everything about you. Over his dead body he’d abandon you now.

“We’re going back for her.” He growled. “Now.”

Tech looked at the ships communication system and noticed it flashing. “That may not be necessary. It seems she’s found us,” he said, noticing the comm channel matched yours.

Accepting the comm, Hunter’s face set in a hard line, seeing Hemlock’s face.

______________________________________________________________

Smirking in the clone’s face, Hemlock set the communicator down in a position that showed you and him in the bedroom. He wanted to play a game and let these clones know just how disposable they were to you.

“So,” Hemlock started, muting Hunter’s end of the call. “You believe the clones don’t care for you? That’s not like them. Their sense of family and loyalty is remarkably well-known.”

You grimaced, wanting him to stop talking. You knew that about clones. Everyone knew that about clones. You fought alongside them for 2 years. You knew the loyalty clones felt to each other and their generals; before Order 66 of course. It was their genetic specimen, Jango Fett, that gave them their sense of loyalty. Mandalorians were notorious for their family strength. It was like they were genetically incapable of not taking children under their wing or forming a family. You’d heard stories of Jango only wanting an unaltered clone to raise as his son, and other Mandalorians taking foundlings and orphans and giving them a home.

“You don’t need to remind me. I know them well enough.”

Smirking, Hemlock swiped a lock of hair behind your ear. “Oh, but you said you didn’t know if they noticed you were gone. Do you not feel a part of their little family?”

Wrecker and Omega were such mischiefs that you rarely saw them unless they were hungry and eating. Echo was usually on his own or with Rex, Tech was with Phee and Hunter… gods knew if he was with Meela a lot of the time. You made a face and Hemlock noticed the flare of anger in your eyes.

Looking over, he saw Hunter and Omega screaming silently from the comm, begging you to see them. The game the doctor was playing was deliciously agonising for them and he was loving it.

“Perhaps it’s time you found a new family. I’m always looking for an assistant. Especially one familiar with medical practices.”

You side-eyed the doctor, sensing the flirtation and desire to have you change to his team. To join the Empire.

“No. I have no desire to leave them. I just… It’s hard being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. Especially when they love someone else.”

Smiling wider, he set his trap. “Ah, unrequited love. I’m guessing a certain sergeant hasn’t noticed your affections. They’re clear as day to everyone around you, how has he not noticed?”

Hunter was hitting the durasteel beside him, screaming for you to look at him.

“NO! Of course, I noticed! I could always sense it!”

The batch watched helplessly as their medic was interrogated and teased and their sergeant cried helplessly that he cared. They never noticed how sad you were, loving the security they had on Pabu. Crosshair grimaced, looking silently to Wrecker and Echo, both of whom knew like he did of your affections towards Hunter. They just never guessed how torturous it was for you to keep it hidden. You wore your heart on your sleeve, hiding your feelings must've been draining.

“I always knew… I just didn’t want to risk losing you…” Hunter felt useless and powerless. He wanted to scoop you up and hold you tightly, promising that you’d never feel this way again. They failed you; Hunter failed you. They failed in making you know and assuring you of your place with them and their love for you.

You scowled. How dare this small man try and worm his way into your good graces through false sympathy. “I don’t know what your game is Hemlock. But regardless of my feelings, my sergeant is happy with his partner and the others are content. As long as he’s happy with Meela, I don’t care how I feel.”

Hunter’s head shot up. Meela? You thought he was with Meela? Meela was the one hitting on him! He never cared about Meela! He just didn’t want to hurt anyone so restrained himself from touching her, even if to remove her from his space. He couldn’t bear to even be near the woman with how thick she laid it on, regardless of his rejections. He had told Meela many times that he wasn’t interested and that his sights were set on someone else, but she wouldn’t let up. When she came onto him that day in the supply closet, he was sure if he pushed her away, he’d push her into the wall and cause injury.

“I mean, Meela is lithe and beautiful and smart and witty and quick.” You ran your hand through your hair, messing it and giving Hemlock a sense that you were losing control of yourself. “I mean, she’s the whole package! Who am I to that? Just some civilian that was assigned to them. They didn’t even need me!”

How could you say that? Of course, they needed you! You made the team better! They would probably be all dead if not for you! Hunter’s fists were tightening until he could feel himself leaving indents under his body glove.

“Tech is the smartest man alive! He was perfectly capable of acting medic without me!” Tears bloomed in your eyes, hating how easy this man was pulling these fears out of you… supposedly.

Hemlock smiled in Hunter’s direction, loving the look of helplessness in the clone’s eyes.

“Sounds like they took advantage of you and your talents.” He wiped a tear from your cheek. “A lovely young woman such as you? Anyone would be lucky to have the honor of your affections.”

Sighing, you allowed yourself to decompress. “No… they never did that. It was wartime. I was never a priority. Love was never a priority, not even for me.”

Hemlock was getting frustrated with you. Every time you would walk into his trap, you’d slide yourself out of it. Which was the game you were playing.

You clued into what his intentions were pretty quickly. The good doctor wanted to make you insecure and question your place with Clone Force 99 so you would join him and gain a sense of security. It was very amusing to you, to see him start to flounder. He kept trying to set you up to become sad and turn against your family and it was so funny to you. As insecure as you were about your place with the batch, they were loyal to you and you to them.

Eventually you saw the communicator by the door and saw Hunter near tears and you realized he heard everything you’d said. You smiled and subtly nodded to him, letting him know you were okay. Your family was coming for you, and you’d wait for them forever.

“Well,” Hemlock stood, smoothing his robes out. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts. We shall see if your clones come rescue their medic.” He “calmly” stormed out, gripping his gloved hand in anger. As much as he wanted to hurt you, you were more valuable alive and well and could bargin.

“Tech, you get those coordinates?” Hunter asked frantically. He wasn’t going to make you wait anymore then you had to.

Nodding, Tech quickly punched them into the navigation system and set off to your location.

Hunter had a new mission now. His mission was to bring you home, tell you his feelings and love you for the rest of his life. He had been yours for years now; since the Clone Wars started and since you were assigned as their medic. Your loving nature, wit, intelligence, charisma, and so much of you and who you were made Hunter weak in the knees. As your commanding officer, Hunter had to maintain a distance and so while he made it clear he cared for you as a part of the squad, he made sure to swallow his feelings, so he didn’t compromise you.

Settling in his seat, he swore that would change. He would ask to make you his and love you for as long as time allowed him.

I’m coming cyare. I’ll find you soon.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you all like it! I took some inspiration from @arctrooper69 series "As iron sharpens iron" which is awesome and y'all should read it! (I hope thats okay!)

Anyway, like I said above, I do have a smutty part 2 planned but life has overwhelmed me so it might be a hot minute for that!

Enjoy!!

#ao3 fanfic #the bad batch #sw tbb #hunter x reader #tbb hunter #tbb hunter x reader #star wars the bad batch #fanfic #hunter angst #idiots in love #protective hunter #jealous reader #clone simp #tbb fluff #hunter fluff

[veintrry]

winter greetings and their departures.

wanderer x gn!reader, sweet & soft fluff, emotional angst, loss, memory loss.

warning! minor spoilers for wanderers backstory and major spoilers for 3.3 sumeru story quest. 4.3k words.

an: hi this is me b4 writing this and i feel like this is gonna ruin me.

edit: I'm ruined. I hate everything. part 2!

There was never much that Winter would bring to Snezhnaya, after all, it was always winter here. From the piping hot delicacies, the layers of clothing, the deep inches of snow. You practically didn't need to wait for Winter to come. However, what it does bring is gifts, and one day you received a puppet at your doorstep, unbeknownst to you that is.

A couple of weeks ago you had found a boy slumped up against the wall of your house. Seeing this as you hummed to yourself planning to spend the day shopping, you obviously were surprised at the figure that donned a large hat and light clothing sat unconscious against the wall. At first you had assumed that maybe it was a drunk who didn't know better, however, after feeling his temperature, you decided to leave the pondering for later.

After a tough struggle of getting him into your home, you laid him on your couch, draping him in multiple blankets. Immediately after doing so you put a hand to feel for his pulse but nothing came through and panic surged through your body. You tried feeling for his heart but nothing beat underneath your palm and there was no sign of his chest ever having been raising up and down, even back when you found him outside. Had he died out in front of your house that long ago? You felt guilty for not being there soon enough but you were wondering just for how long had he been out there? Why did no one help?

You didn't exactly know what to do till you saw him open his eyes, sending your body stumbling backwards as you yelped form the horrifying sight. He's dead. He's meant to be dead. "Who the hell are you?" This doesn't happen to dead people does it? God, please, what possession occurred within your home? "You're alive?" You inched near him. "Of course I'm alive, have you ever seen a dead person before or should I show you one?" Despite his threats you were relieved to know he was well, "Oh my god, you're alive." You say as the weight leaves your shoulders. "I couldn't feel your heartbeat so I thought you had died by now." You don't notice the way his face scrunched at your words.

"Who are you?" You know, he was awfully direct for someone who was drunk prior. "I'm the person who had to drag you out of the freezing cold." You tell him your name as you expect a form of thanks or emotional gratitude but it never comes. "Do you want me to get on my knees and pledge loyalty to you?" Maybe you should've left him to die.

—

But you didn't, that's why you were here now, eating dinner together like you do every day.

You came to find that the young man, who's name you came to find out is Scaramouche, was not as bad as you thought he was despite his horrible personality. In fact, he was good company once you adapted to his way of speaking. He clearly isn't as direct about his emotions as you thought he was.

You would say you two had become good friends since the incident that occurred, although, he's never really told you how he ended up there. You always thought he was too embarrassed to admit what occurred, after all he has a lot of pride, but you've come to realise he doesn't enjoy alcohol, not unless he seems to be in a bad mood. You never wished to pry onto what happened for him to end up in such a state so you let it be.

"It tastes good right?" The question leaves your mouth excitedly as you expect to be praised. It had been the first time you were the one who made dinner because ever since the first time he met you he decided you were too careless and 'might try to poison him' if he lets you do the cooking. But, after some haggling, you managed to persuade him. Most likely because he seems to have grown a soft spot for you. "It's fine."

Your spoon hitting the bottom of the bowl. A silence overcame the room. The dish before you two was goulash, but not just any goulash, no, it was Your Special Goulash recipe. You had mastered this recipe to perfection, no, more than perfection, it is a goulash so good the Archons would be astounded. "Liar." You bitterly said. "What, you seek more praise?" He spoke, his voice was somewhat laced sweetly with honey as though to further taunt you. "Yes. Yes, I do. This is years of work, it is more than fine, it is magnificent!" You take strong pride in your skills when it comes to cooking and it won't be undermined. "I think it's pretty average." "Average?!" You repeated with astoundment.

One could say you were almost this close to jumping over the table at this blasphemy. He was clearly taking much amusement in your behaviour. "Yeah, I bet I could make a better gou-" His sentence is cut short by a spoon being forced into his mouth and he feels the warm liquid seep into his mouth, the seasonings it carries covering his tongue. His gaze stays stuck to your hands and his eyes are wide. You could easily tell he was astounded and you began to smile happily, but his shock didn't come from what you thought it did. He raised his sights onto you, and your stupid face.

Scaramouche felt his face grow warmer, and it wasn't frustration at your actions but something else. You take note of this and your eyes seem to glimmer, at this he pulls your hand away from him, thereby removing the spoon as he swallows. "So you do like it!" You're so dumb. Such an idiot you are. His hand is raised to his face as he mumbles something but you don't hear him, and you ask him to repeat it, repeat what you know will be the praise you deserve. "I said...It's too hot."

"...What." You stand still, disappointed once more. "It's goulash, it's meant to be hot!" And to your surprise, he mimics the same volume as you. "Well, it's too hot!" "You just don't know genius when you see it!" Taking a seat back down harshly. "Ha! I see it in the mirror every day." Crossing his arms as he bites his bottom lip, as though trying to keep his own resistance against something, making himself appear frustrated despite the colour of his ears. "You wish. Just eat up." You huff, biting your own food.

"Whatever." And he does the same as you, but with each bite he takes he stays more and more focused on what you did. You're so careless. Do you ever think prior to acting? He chuckles to himself, and you raise a brow but don't ask anything.

You both continue to eat peacefully.

—

Scaramouche had begun to act oddly. It's small things he does that have changed.

He used to cling onto you, he wouldn't directly ask for it but you'd give him it and he'd welcome it despite his complaints that you're too touchy, "You better not do this with anyone else." He'd say to you. And whenever you tried to leave his grip he'd pull you back in, asking you what you thought you were doing leaving him like that. He used to always keep you in his sights, he'd stay reading a book somewhere in the room just to make sure he can also keep an eye on you. But now, he seems too busy, too worried, with something, you aren't entirely sure what. You've asked him about his behaviour but he brushes it off, acting as though you're imagining things.

You question why he feels more distant nowadays, why even after having known each other for a long time now it feels like you're back to being strangers. Despite always being the more honest one out of the two you didn't want to admit to him that you missed having him there, with you. Yes, you two still lived together, but, although you don't want to admit it, you missed his touch.

It's an odd thing to say that you lost someone when they're always with you, it's kind of like having an anchor tied to you, yet the rope isn't tied around you, it is in you. You are one.

You wanted to figure out what's wrong, to sort things out. So you decided you'd try again, that you would do your best.

"Scara?" You called, peaking your head into his room. His answer was quick and to the point, not bothering to stare back at you. "What is it? I'm working on something." You pranched towards where he was sitting, attempting to peer over his shoulder, glimpsing at what he was working on before he abruptly hid it. You feel your brows furrow as you bite your tongue. Why was it that he suddenly began keeping things from you? You can recount exactly when it started. It wasn't like he shared everything with you, nor did you expect him to, but he didn't go out of his way like this.

You straightened your back. It was better to simply be straightforward with him. "What are you hiding?" Your voice was flat, there is no reason for there to be anything other than suspicion. "Nothing." Quick as always to cover up, but unlike other times he might have lied to you, this time his eyes didn't meet yours, they stayed focused on the ground.

You fisted your hands, annoyance surged through your body, but another part of you felt differently. You felt disappointed, not in him, but yourself. You somehow felt you had done something to cause this, to have him leave you behind. It felt slightly hollow. How can you blame him when you want to so badly just forgive him for whatever it is?

"Scara," You started, and the words threatened to never continue sounding out, to stay confined in your throat, suffocating you. But once he glanced up at you, anticipation in his orbs, you knew he was aware, aware that he had done something. If so, why hasn't he done anything regarding it? Regarding how he neglected you. You barely eat together anymore, he's too busy. "Please, just tell me, what's wrong?"

Truth is, he did wish to tell you, but then your idea of him would shatter. Everything you saw would fall apart. He can't have that, he doesn't want you to hate him, he can't take that. "Is it something I did?" No, no, no. God, no. He finds himself denying it repeatedly in his mind, the guilt seeping into his body, realising that you might have been blaming yourself the entire time. The last thing he'd want is for you to denounce yourself in his stead. He knows what he's doing. He knows what he has been doing to you and he knows it's cruel and awful, but he has to, he has to. He's done worse so why was this most bothersome for him?

"Did I ever say that?"

"No, you didn't. But, what else am I meant to think." You were the one who suffered the consequences of his actions. He expired a heavy breath, before admitting his thoughts, putting aside his usual act. "You're right. No, you didn't do anything. You never did. I'm simply caught up with some stuff."

"What stuff? You keep saying you're busy but you never tell me what. I'm… starting to get worried. I don't know what you're doing but if you have to go out of your way to hide it from me then it mustn't be good."

He didn't respond, only blankly blinking at you. It was hard to figure out what he was thinking till he stood up, his following words cut through not only the tension that had built up but you as well.

"I plan on leaving."

"What, where?! Why?!" You couldn't wrap your head around why he'd make such a plan, or why he would have to, nevertheless want to. "I have something I need to do. It's important to me." Important to him. Important to him? Why had he never mentioned it and why does he only bring it up now. He still continues to be discreet about his actions despite clueing you in with small tiny drops of information. But you didn't want the info, you wanted to know when it would end. "Then is it more important than you and I?"

It was as important on its own as he was. And since they were tied, if he were to say it is then he'd be saying he's worth more than you. He wouldn't want to put you down. No, you meant the world to him, you were so beautiful, you were wonderful and full of life but in a way he felt like he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve this warmth, your warmth. You were the world but his vision was much bigger, he was a god, this is his birthright. If you'd listen to him, if you could understand, if you could trust him. Trust him blindly without a second thought. That's what he wishes to ask of you, he doesn't want to cause you any more pain but this is necessary for him to achieve. "Yes. It is."

He didn't need to hear your words to know how you felt, every part of your face said it. The misery, the burning, aching misery that swirled within those orbs of yours. How your body tensed, your jaw clenched tighter, and your brows raising higher in astonishment. A laugh leaves your throat, a scratchy bitter chuckle, and he hates it. "I see. Okay, I get it." It was clear he had already decided to dispose of you, that whatever this other thing was is more valuable, it matters most, not you. You feel as though you've been shot, the emptiness filled with disappointment and shame at him and yourself for ever thinking he'd have chosen you. You step away, and move towards the door. He says your name, it sounds almost pitiful, and you are hesitant to glimpse at him. You're weak, at this point what do you have to lose. You both know the end.

So you turn, you face him once more. Now you are the one to observe him, watch the way his face scrunches at your expression, how his fists are clenched. His mouth agape as no words leave his mouth yet you see it in his eyes, how he pleads you to stay, begs you to forgive him. You wish to think it isn't how he said it was. Scaramouche always had a tongue that defied his thoughts. But you wanted to hear him say it was you. It never came. No words came. Nothing but silent mouthing, as though he was whispering to you, knowing that if he spoke his voice would break. 'I love you.' And you see the way his shoulders drop, his orbs following the slightest of movements you make. You can't find it in yourself to say the words back. You only gaze at him as though he was the worst man you had known, and he might've been. To your disdain, you didn't hate him at that moment, you pitied him, and you hated yourself for feeling sympathy for that man.

You left without a word said, but you both knew each other well enough to know what you both were thinking.

After that, everything was quiet. There was no more tension. You didn't bother asking the Archons or a deity for help. What good would it be to ask a higher being for help, does that not only prove how dire your situation is, how pathetic it is? You didn't need the Archons, you will adapt as you always do.

One day, everything became all the more quiet. And you realised how much comfort you took in his company. You were truly alone now. It's just you.

You stare blankly at his door. You sit against it like you have done a thousand times, and you pretend he is just working again.

—

Not once did you enter his room. You didn't want to know what he took, because you feel its empty space in your chest, and you didn't care for what he left because you felt it in the silence as you monitored the items he touched for any traces of him like an owl, never blinking.

You were once again at his door, knocking thrice and awaiting any sound to erupt from the room but you only had the peace of no noise return. And yet you hated it, you felt frustrated. To you it was never placid because you could hear your thoughts echoing throughout the rooms, his name tormenting you, following you. How could one forget him, with a face like that, a personality so annoying like that? And yet you loved it; you loved him.

The day he left the snow had already erased all footprints he might've left behind, you would think that maybe that's why you feel his ghost here constantly. But it's likely your delusions.

Today, you'd enter. You wanted to feel him. To remember what it was like to have him. You didn't wish to forget him. The numbing coldness of the metal on your palm became evermore permanent as your hand seemed to refuse to budge. What had he done to have put me in such a state? You think it's funny.

You turn the knob, and push the door open.

White. So much white. The glacial weather was near enough to numb you, but that was not why you stood paralysed. You felt tears twinkle in your vision, before departing and travelling down your cheeks.

Snow. It's all snow.

He had left the window open. God, he probably never left out the door.

You stayed still as you processed this. Your mouth agape as your eyes stayed glued onto the sight before you.

It always snows in Snezhnaya, so why was this so much more painful?

It's torturous. It's horrible. It's pure torment. Yet it is such a beautiful sight to you, it is home to you and you hate it.

Your eyes wander around to where all the snow particles have fled to: The bed he slept on, the cabinets, his desk. The desk he worked at.

You walk closer, you feel your feet dip into the snow. You study his table, only a match, a bottle of ink, and a letter. He left a doll next to it.

You spent the entire day there, cleaning the snow out, and you left everything else untouched as you shut yourself in there just as he had, reading the letter where he had written it and then, you cried. You cried till your weeps went mute. Your attempts to stop your tears continuously failed. You hate him. Every aspect of him. And you hated how well you knew him.

—

'My dear,

I know it's shameful of me to say goodbye like this. I don't want to see what face you make.

I'm going to Sumeru, I'm going to fulfil what I was meant to be. Then, I'll come for you.

I'll be stronger then, I'll protect you from everyone, so this time let me save you instead. Wait for me, I won't take long.

I love you. Next time I see you I'll seriously say it. Thank you and I'm sorry, for all that I caused you. I'll make sure to repent with the rest of my life.

(I hope you like the puppet. It was made for you.)

Yours Truly,

Scara.'

—

It seemed that the weather only grew colder day by day in Snezhnaya. You had developed a pretty steady routine which was unusual for your normal self and today was your special day, today you got to spend a day treating yourself to all things nice. You've worked hard this week after all.

So, you walked out to the hallway dressed and ready to go, hurrying past the guest room and putting your shoes on, wrapping yourself with a scarf as your gloves turned the knob of your door. You leaped out of the house excitedly, only to catch yourself on your foot as you found someone standing at the right of your door.

A beautiful face was what you were met with, you felt the air knock out of you as you stumbled back. You didn't spot how the man smirked at the sight of this, nor would you know the relief it gave him to see you still the same. "Did I frighten you?" He wanted to test the waters, just out of curiosity, just so maybe, maybe it's fine, maybe you're an exception.

"No- I mean, yes? You did. I'm sorry, who are you?" For a second his face dropped into a sour expression, but he returned himself to his previous composer. "You ought to be ashamed. To think you'd forget me after I told you to wait for me." His words were a whisper but despite their gentle tone their weight laid heavy on him.

"Pardon? I couldn't hear you…"

He resented himself for what he was going to say and he was internally cringing and god he hates you for having him say something so dumb, but if this was a sick joke maybe he should appease you.

"I'm just a wanderer, that's all. Sorry, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find the best goulash?"

"The best goulash in Snezhnaya?! That's a hard thing to decide… Well, there's a diner down far by the town's heart. I'm heading there so you could join me if you'd like?"

Kind-hearted as always. An idiot to the core. But so was he for thinking that you'd offer him, a stranger, your secret recipe. Yeah, he should've cherished it when he had it. It was good, really good, and your face was pretty too, stupidly pretty.

He studied your outfit. Layered and thick as always, a contrast to his. You had yourself packed warm but that wasn't what he was focused on, you had a messenger bag strapped across your chest, and off it he saw the puppet he gave you. It was his.

"Where'd you get that?" He asked, pointing at it and ignoring your offer.

You found everything about this so-called wanderer odd. But when he asked about the puppet you had attached to your bag you couldn't quite recall when you got it. "I'm not sure… maybe it came with the bag? Sorry, is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No, nothing else. One thing though," You piped your head up, and he swallowed his pride. He didn't want to lie to you, even if you don't remember it now, he doesn't want to lie to you. But he never realised how much of a difficult thing to say it was, especially when you don't remember. Could he say he loves you, does he have the right anymore?

"Wanderer?"

"I… love you." He could feel that same heat that would always arise within him coming back once fourth. He tilted his ichimegasa down to hide his face, spitting out his next words quickly. "I'll be departing now!" This had been the first time that you knew that you saw him flustered, or that you've met him which made his words more absurd to you, but you felt almost flattered to be told that by someone so pretty. It was such a simplistic way of thinking. Then his words register once more, and you look at the chained puppet, unlocking it as you gaze at it. How alike they were.

How strange, how weird it was, the gaps in your memories, the guest room in your house, the puppet that looks like him, him acting so weird towards you, so casual.

You begin to wonder if this was really a mistake.

—

Despite the flustered emotions he first felt, he quickly let them pass, realising you'd simply think nothing more of him than him being some creep. Ha, to think he'd settle for such a thing so easily.

To think he'd settle for this so easily. What was he meant to do? What should he do? Tears welled within his eyes as he walked, and he hoped that even if the snow covers his trails it never erases what's already beneath.

He made a gigantic mistake. One he has to atone with the rest of his life. Unfortunately, it appears it isn't with you. He was ready to spend the next hundred years being pestered by you. But to be rid of that was an even worse punishment.

The wanderer won't tamper with your life. He wouldn't do such a thing to you. Despite his many wants to, his need to be with you, he won't. Because it is he himself who made himself land in such a position. Maybe rather than having shown up like that he should've recreated everything from the beginning, maybe then you would behave just as your stupid self normally would. Supplying him with warmth, dumb comments, annoyance, affection, care, humanity. Humanity. God, you had already made him a person long ago.

What should he do, what should a lost wanderer do when his home doesn't look at him the same. When those familiar eyes only return an unknowing look, a clueless, foreign stare?

How long does it take to rebuild a home, to rebuild the love you once carried for him?

The snow continues to seep into the room like sand filling up an hourglass. The doors knob has icicles on its insides and the inks long gone solid. All that remains is the opened envelope and the letter it contained, with stained tears. Another tightly sealed letter beside it.

#i rewrote this 2 different times and the first was a totqlly different story i scrapped #wanderer #wanderer genshin #wanderer x reader #wanderer angst #genshin impact #kunikuzushi #kunikuzushi x reader #genshin kunikuzushi #kunikuzushi angst #scara x reader #scaramouche #genshin scaramouche #genshin scara #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche angst #genshin angst #scaramouche fluff #kunikuzushi fluff #wanderer fluff #i just proofread this and im in misery

[cocoacat323]

Naruto Fic Recs

Since so many people liked my svsss rec list I thought I might do one for Naruto, warning all of these are either sasuke-kakashi centric so if you don't like that I recommend you don't read this! Anywho!

heroes come back Summary: Sasuke Uchiha is reborn as Timothy Drake

With Friends Like These Summary:

“I’m from the future—seven years in the future.” There’s a long, drawn-out silence. Itachi’s face is unreadable as he stares at Sasuke. “You’re what?” he finally says.

Sasuke travels back in time to stop the war. He infiltrates the Akatsuki in order to kill them - he doesn't expect to take a page out of Naruto's book and befriend them instead.

CCG Public Enemy No 1 Summary: Kakashi had a single red-and-black eye for more than half his life. Now, he has two.

twist 'verse Summary: Team Seven, in all its iterations, gets fucked over by whatever cosmic powers yet again and time travels/reincarnates/possesses bodies of the Founders. (Note: This is a series not a fic, but I thoroughly enjoyed it so it's making the list anyway.)

Frayed Truths 'verse Summary:

"What are you saying?" Kakashi demands, distress turning his tone harsh. "That you don't know when he'll wake up?" "I'm saying I don't know if he will."

When Itachi uses the Tsukuyomi on his brother that day in the hallway, he miscalculates. In the aftermath, Sakura and Naruto struggle with what it means to be a team and Kakashi sits by the bedside of a boy that might never wake.

A single misstep, and everything changes.

[NOW UNDERGOING EDITING]

(Note: This is also a series and not a fic, I'm sorry about that, but once again it's very good. The series itself has no summary so I went with the summary for the first fic in the series.)

How a Young Heart Really Feels Summary: It was absolutely the most devastating thing to ever happen to him in his six years of life. He knew Uchiha were supposed to love too deeply, but this was ridiculous! He was just a kid, for god's sake! He didn't want to be in love!

Or: Sasuke gets a crush and it messes with best laid plans.

Misrecognition Summary: During the fight on top of the hospital after Itachi's tsukuyomi Sasuke sees Naruto's rasengan and decides that was the final nail to hammer home his weakness, how he would never be able to become stronger than his brother. He was a loser, destined to fail, destined to die. So he might as well die now.

Sasuke tries to use Naruto's rasengan as a means to an end. Friend-killer Kakashi watches this.

Restore My Faith Summary: Sasuke was consumed with hatred because his family was killed. His entire family, not a single person left alive except him and their killer. It was enough to drive someone insane, or into the arms of the first maniac promising him enough power for revenge.

Instead Sasuke finds a little baby Uchiha on a meaningless mission and leaves Konoha for a vastly different reason. (Note: Very literally my favorite fic in the world, of you were to read any fic on this list I beg that it is this one.)

Never Trust Your Rinnegan (Tales of Sasuke's Travels) Summary: "Sasuke isn't in the Elemental Nations.

None of the Elemental Nations have buildings quite like this, people quite like this. Sure, Ame is weird, but this is really pushing it. These people don't have Chakra signatures, they shouldn’t be alive.

The Rinnegan has never teleported him somewhere he hasn’t already gone."

OR: Sasuke is transported to the world of BNHA and has a very hard time trying to get out.

Road to Nowhere Summary: Hitoshi knows there's something wrong with himself before he's even old enough to have a sense of self. He looks at his reflection and knows that the infant looking back at him isn't what he should be seeing.

His dreams are a maelstrom of grief and fear, his mind overwhelmed with a lifetime of emotions his brain isn't developed enough to comprehend. There's an ingrained instinct blaring that everything is wrong wrong wrong.

--

In which Hatake Kakashi is reincarnated as Shinsou Hitoshi, and he wants nothing to do with this world's so-called "heroes."

A step to the left (and right off the cliff) Summary: Team Seven starts off on a different foot and Sasuke's canonical journey to get stronger goes off the rails a bit. It all works out though. Probably.

#naruto #sasuke uchiha #fic recs #fic rec #fanfic rec #naruto fanfiction #uchiha sasuke #kakashi hatake #team 7 #narusasu #obikaka #naruto uzumaki #haruno sakura #uchiha obito #itachi uchiha #naruto shippuden #naruto fic recs

[echantedtoon]

What If: Douma Edition

DISCLAIMER: THIS WORK IS IN ABSOLUTELY NO WAY CANNON TO DEMON BRIDE AND IS NOT AN ENDING. IT IS A WHAT IF IDEA THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE FUN TO WRITE. PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND GOING FORWARD.

Warnings: Douma IS his own warning. Possibly some innuendos.

The cold silence pursed from a smile once faked and forced but now oh so full of life he never thought he'd ever be able to feel before now. Before he met HER. Sure the navigation was still rocky and if he was being completely honest, there was still a long way for him to go before he does make any one Hundred percent clear sense of it all. 

"Let me get this straight. So you're upset that your fiance wants to call off the engagement but you say that because the engagement was made by her father that she can't call off the arrangements? But she says that because her father died it's not up to him or you anymore and she can break it off if she wants to?....Am I understanding this right?"

Emotions sure were tricky. Previously he could just sit down and listen to hundreds of rambles without being ....Annoyed? Yes. That was the new emotion he was now able to feel. Suddenly faking and mimicking everything became genuinely harder. Sigh. He really needed to schedule in more vacation days with Master Muzan and Kokushibo-...No. No. He'll ask Mistress Rei instead. She'll be more sympathetic to his requests.  Meanwhile he was staring at a young couple in their early twenties sitting in front of him from his compound demanding that he help settle this annoying matter. 

The man nodded firmly before pointing at him. "Yes. You even blessed this engagement yourself two years ago, Lord Douma."

"Oh riiiiight. I remember that." No he didn't. He blessed so many marriages and engagements and divorces that he literally lost count of them all at this point. He waved a hand and forcibly smiled wider. "Such a happy time."

"Not anymore. She wants to leave me to marry another man! Surely you can see that we're meant for one another! You blessed our marriage so surely the gods see that too right!?"

Oh gods it was one of these days. Sigh. The woman had remained mostly silent throughout this entire ten minute rambling and just stared surprised at his chest. Usually he'd be flattered but he was too annoyed with this to care. Instead his hand reached up to shift something further up on his chest. 

"And has your fiance tried talking about this to you already?," he asked tilting his head. Platinum blonde locks of hair shifting with him. "Maybe she didn't even want this. Surely she's given her reasons."

"She has! But they're all nonsense! If she didn't want this marriage then she should've said so at the very beginning!"

The woman finally looked away from the thing on his chest and glared at him. "I DID!! But my father wouldn't listen! I wouldn't be engaged to a man like YOU otherwise!"

All the yelling was starting to not only annoy him but make a fuss of another. He couldn't deal with this anymore. He had an appointment to keep and he wouldn't be late because of a petty lovers' quarrel. So he smiled widely at them.

"I have a perfect solution for the both of you." Both instantly stopped and looked as he pointed at the man. "You're a young healthy man. I'm ordering you to consult my compound's matchmaker to find you a new engagement." The man looked shocked as he then pointed at the woman. "And you go marry whoever you want to. Now that that's settled, this meeting is now over!" He quickly stood up from the large comfortable pillows and plucked up a big bag with him. "Excuse me. I have an appointment to keep somewhere else."

"But-...B-But Founder!," the man called after him but he ignored it in favor of walking over towards the side door leading out of the room and to his private courters.

With his brisk legs it didn't take too long to step outside of the room and close the door behind him. A sigh of relief escaped his cold lungs as soon as he heard the door slide shut behind him. A chuckle to his left gave him another but smaller twinge of annoyance. 

"Not easy to get through today's meetings, Sir?" Kaleidoscope rainbow irises turned to an older woman. Her wrinkled face smiled amused at the younger man. "You've been taking more breaks than usual."

For once in his life he frowned. "Your words wound me. I thought my top helper would know better than to criticize hard work." A hand reached up to pluck a hat from his head. "Cancel anything else for me this week. I'm leaving for the Infinity Castle for a bit."

"Another meeting with Master Muzan? Or .. perhaps something else more familial?" She chuckled waving a hand to the object on his chest making him frown (pout-) more.

"Neither! I'm simply on my way to see my wife!" He finally smiled lighting up more. "My Happy is surely expecting me as we arranged it in advance."

He was so happy to finally get out of there for a while and ask (pester-) Nakime into teleporting him to the Infinity Castle or more Specifically the Dwell. It felt like a breath of fresh air as he stood in front of the familiar giant home one sound of a biwa strum later. He was happy to practically skip up to the door that instantly opened and a servant greeted him. But he paused seeing the object he carried with him... Before turning away to hide a snort. He rose a brow..but didn't bother with him to just skip a long... However he did notice all the amused or awestruck faces he got as he walked along the fancy corridors. 

This had been going on for the entire month. Why wasn't anyone taking him seriously!?

He frowned(pouted-) and continued along with the bag in hand until he came across a familiar corridor and briskly walked faster Until he stopped in front of the door smiling wider then ever. A hand reached up and knocked loudly on the fancy oak wood door loud enough to echo throughout the hall. It did not take too long for him to get an answer.

"Come in," a woman's voice called from within.

He wasted no time sliding the door open fast enough to almost slam it open and practically jump into the room locking onto a woman inside. "Oh my darling, Lotus Bloom!~"

You lazily rose a brow and looked up at the tall demon in the doorway closing the book in your hands. "You're three hours late."

Douma ignored you dropping the bag in his hands and persisted in rushing in, dropping to his knees next to you, and affectionately grabbing your hand in his hands. "My Angel.~ My light.~ My colors.~ My Happy!~ Oh how I missed you so!"

"It's only been a month," you deadpanned. 

He ignored that in favor of pressing his head against yours. "I was so loooonly without you. I wanted my wife so baaaaaad. I missed you so much!" A pucker of his lips followed as he puckered up and leaned in for an obvious kiss but stopped when a hand pressed against his mouth and pushed him back.

"You're over dramatizing things again, Douma. What took you so long? We agreed on a time and you promised to show up then."

He pouted again. "It wasn't my fault! My meetings take up so much time! Oh Y/n! Everyone's been so mean to me all month! They all keep looking at me like something's funny and no one's taking me seriously! I don't know why!" He whined.

You rolled your eyes before holding up a hand. "Maybe THIS is why." Your finger wiggled and was instantly snatched up by a chubby little hand.

Douma blinked before looking down at the platinum blonde haired infant strapped to his chest. His son giggled again and stared at you both with eyes of different shades of blues and purples. ".....Oh. Why would they be amused by this?" He gestured to himself. "I'm a good daddy! I always make sure he's with me."

You finally snorted amused. "Well seeing someone intimidating like you just walking around with a cute chubby baby on your chest would make you look a bit funny."

He pouted harder. "I'm a good dad!" He retorted crossing his arms. "I take care of, Lotus. And spend time with him! I'm good at daddy-ing!"

You again snorted at his choice of words and finding it easy people would be amused by his attitude on top of being a new dad but you both were still getting used to the custody arrangement. Douma can't be here all the time because of his duties and you didn't want to live in his compound, and you weren't going to force Rui to live there with his dislike of Douma already and his old family there. So you two formed an arrangement. You'd both take turns taking on Lotus until he can decide where he'd rather live once he was old enough. Each of you taking him for an entire month until the last day where you switched. It'd been five months now and so far it seemed to work out fairly well for everyone aside from Douma's pouting. You two hadn't made a big deal of telling a lot of people about Lotus yet still getting used to it so it was a bit surprise for a lot of people to find out that Douma was suddenly a father. 

You patted his cheek peeking him back up instantly. "Yes you are. And people finding you cute being a dad isn't a bad thing. It just means they know you're doing the best you can."

He smiled leaning in closer as Lotus cooed mindlessly. "Yes...So where is the young one?"

"He's training with Akaza today. Although I think they'll be back soo-"

You didn't even get to finish talking before the door slid open again and you both looked up. Both of you met the eyes of Akaza and Rui. No doubt Akaza had come to bring Rui home. All four of you stared silently at one another awkwardly before Douma sat back up to wave a hand excitedly at the link haired demon with a big grin. Akaza's eyes bugged out of his skull seeing the cooing baby strapped to the blonde's chest. He stared before looking at you, then at the baby, then at Douma, and then at the baby again.

"Hi, Akaza-dono! Did you finally come to see your best friend's son!? I'm AMAZING at daddy-ing!"

Akaza looked utterly, clearly, absolutely, so matter of factly, terrifyingly so, so, so, so HORRIFIED. "Oh dear gods no. THEY'RE MULTIPLYING!!"

#demon bride lost bits #douma x reader #Douma #kimetsu gakuen #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

[lover-of-mine]

I keep thinking about the Tommy leaving post and the Buddie being ready for each other post and I feel like there's a comparison I want to make here but I'm not sure exactly what it is but something about Tommy leaving because he was not down with that whole mess of date, understandably, but also Buck's boatload of issues still even tho Tommy came back & they're in this "maybe this could be the something I'm ready for" & potential issues that might crop up going forward like will Buck be hesitant still or dive headfirst or some combination, will Tommy feel like it's too much or just not working, will it be the thing that finally makes something click in Buck's head that he needs to go to therapy bc hey Tommy is different from his exes but the issues are still the same idk or he decides it's not working bc it's not the thing he wants but he's ready to figure that out so again therapy! but also when he realizes he's in love with Eddie & they could be it for each other he knows he doesn't want to make those same mistakes and the way to do that is to be honest with himself and Eddie and it's not perfect but they're both in it and self enough aware they know they can make it work together (therapy would be so good but also Maddie or Bobby have some wisdom here too) like a desperation almost of I love him and I want him and this is it for me but I'm so scared of losing it all and it's like well. What are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna let yourself have this? I read a fic today where when they were discussing starting something but Buck was scared Eddie was like "we deserve to be happy too and being with you makes me happy" and that's all I want now okay sorry this is so long and probably makes no sense but I didn't know who to send it to I can stop rolling it all in my head over and over again send help or a sedative my god they make me feral and all these new ttpd edits are making it 10000x more

Okay, I see what you mean, and I am team Buck/Therapy first and foremost, but let's discuss Tommy outside the perfect queer Yoda people seem to have put him in. First of all, Tommy didn't come back, the energy that exists there is that there would be no second date if Buck didn't ask him for coffee (and Buck only called because Eddie told him to). I don't blame Tommy for walking away, the situation Buck put him in is shitty, but he did not come back, he indulged Buck in a coffee for whatever reason I don't understand. I don't understand why someone would agree to go to someone's sister's wedding after one kiss and half a date they walked out of. But what I'm getting from Tommy is that he's not gonna put up with Buck's bullshit just because he's cute. And Buck is diving in head first, asking someone to be your date to your sister's wedding after half a date where they left you on the curb when he's out to exactly 2 people is somehow crazier than buying furniture with Natalia, because at least there he had what? 3 successful dates under his belt? Buck is in the hamster wheel, this time with a guy. Dating a guy is bringing him clarity in some aspects of his life, but he is still showing the same patterns when it comes to dating. Will he break out of his pattern this time? Who the fuck knows. Realizing he's repeating these patterns and letting go before he gets in too deep, realizing he needs to work on himself, would be a major sign of growth from him, but Tommy pointing something out and making him take action works too, but I don't know what or how that could be approached. I was talking about this with someone last week, I'm pretty sure i sent them a voice note of like, 12 minutes on this, but do we trust Buck to separate the way he's infatuated from what he actually needs? That his bisexuality is his no matter what? Because I don't. If he's still that insecure about Eddie when Eddie has been stable in his life the whole time they've known each other, then I don't trust him with anything emotional, really. Could he wake up one day and realize maybe it was about Eddie, see what's in front of him and proceed to work through his insecurities? Sure, they could go there, especially with how intertwined Eddie is to bucktommy, make Buck realize his feelings, work through his insecurities somehow and realize he needs to talk to Eddie and that they will be okay no matter what. But the thing is, Eddie loves Buck too much. Like the post said, he loves Buck at his own detriment, so if Buck goes all weird on him for whatever reason again (which he probably would if he realizes he might be in love with Eddie, he would panic, 705 Buck would freak out if realized he's in love with Eddie) he's gonna internalize that, and that's something they need to address before there is any movement into making them romantic.

Because now that there's a real chance buddie is gonna go canon, they need to address some problems that were created between them, mainly the way they assume things about each other a lot instead of having an open conversation. All they need is an open conversation, I will accept if the show magically decides they can talk to each other now, that the issue was the denial, but Buck needs to ask for shit, he needs to talk when he's insecure, he needs to not let Eddie get away with assuming he's right, and Eddie needs to stop assuming he can read Buck's mind, he needs to call Buck out when he's getting in his head, and he needs to stop trying to fix past mistakes with someone else, they need to actually be able to address things that hurt them, because they will hurt each other, the question is how they work through the problems. Dating your best friend, even more after being best friends for this long comes with issues, the adjustment would be intense because they have an intense relationship already. And they both need to let go of the idealized version of what a relationship should look like they have. Can Tommy help Buck there? Yeah, absolutely, but he also shouldn't be expected to hold a grown man's hand through his own feelings, yk? Buck doesn't know what he wants and he's working through it, allegedly, so, like, there's potential there but I have no idea how this can unfold tbh. They need to get to the point where they're like "I deserve happiness" but also realizing that happiness doesn't look the way they think it does, that it's never gonna be perfect, but that it is worth fighting for, you don't find it, you make, works here too, but the thing is, you need to keep making it as long as you're together, love is not all it takes, the fight never stops. I've been thinking about this a lot too.

#yeah #i dont know dude #but i feel you #911 #911 speculation #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌

[yippieitsarvensart]

Tweels hc doodles + notes!

Goodness me, I've not been working on these for very long but here's all of what I've thought of within 2 days of thinking about them!! I basically started writing about them the moment I finished drawing "the fuck you brothers" post (9/24) (and today, 9/26) I totally have been thinking about them more after I wrote all this, so I will be continuing on with my hcs right here, under the cut :3 (keep in mind I have not yet played twst! If I get anything gravely wrong correct me!) (9/28, edit: I downloaded twst y'all...)

Both of the twins are autistic, just being on very different ends of er... intensity? Idk how to word that. I just mean that Floyd is someone who has trouble regulating his emotions and stims a lot. Jade doesn't stim as often, he probably would if he were infodumping about mushrooms/his terrariums or whatever else. I think I mean. That Jade suppressed his autistic tendencies by a lot to seem more like a gentleman, while Floyd doesn't really give much of a shit and probably doesn't even know he's autistic.

on that note they both have ADHD. AuDHD brothers.

Anyways as I way saying abt Floyd stimmies; He stims a LOT. Just, all the damn time. It gets so annoying for a lot of people and everyone knows he can't control it. His clingyness is also stimming, he's very touchy. A lot of stim toys don't actually help him but he does calm down significantly more when he's wearing headphones and listening to loud music. That's what stimulates him the most.

Jade only stims when excited, yeah I mentioned that. But did I mention he also stims a lot when stressed. In front of costumers, if he was stressed he might only fiddle with his fingers behind his back. But as soon as he gets away it's full body stimming time baby. Mans is not okay but he cannot let that mask slip!! (I forgot the word before, but I meant to say in my first dotpoint that jade is better at masking than Floyd!!)

Floyd mcr liker >_< (songs about depression and drugs to think about violence to!) Floyd also likes shit like "41 mins of roblox music" or any spongebob music. skull emoji.

Jade Laufey liker :33 (calm songs to think about violence to!)

Floyd likes dancing around in his room to music. Like really getting into it. Putting one song on loop and doing the same dance moves over and over again. (stimming) (oh my god I'm PROJECTING AGAIN stop....)

Jade likes drawing mushrooms. He's really good at drawing nature and when I say "good" I mean if you looked at it, you'd think it was a picture. Like abnormally good for someone who used to not even have paper available...

I saw this from a moot once on twitter I think, but they both (+ Azul) probably had a hard time adjusting to walking around everywhere instead of swimming when they first came onto land. And I think there was something about holding on to bars on stairs WAYY too tight because they feel so wobbly going up them. Same with like, escalators? and elevators? didn't fucking trust them. And they still don't sometimes... Adding onto this I think that they'd both get really frustrated at first with it. Like genuinely really upset; Floyd dramatically falling to the floor and flailing around on the verge of tears while Jade punches the ground over and over... They obviously got better at land things after a long while but for a bit they were just so. not okay LOL

I think for casual/home clothes they'd both be really into big fluffy jumpers. massive fucking huge fluffy shits. They'd be all over the texture and it would be so so texture /pos drooling emoji

I had a little thing that I thought of where I would give Floyd Heart shaped eye shines PLUS an extra smaller not heart eye shine. And giving Jade a square shaped shine with no extra shines. It just makes so much sense to me. Like I can't explain it very well but if you get it, you get me. Do you get me...

WHICH leads me to say then that when Floyd gets MAD he would have NO eye shines. Do you get me. I totally make sense right/. And Jade getting happy about anything even if it doesn't show on his face it would totally show in his eyes... Which also brings me back to something I wrote in my doodle notes with the pupils being like cats... OUGH I'M GOING INSANE DO I MAKE SENSE

another thing my twt moot said !! Floyd would hate necklaces/rings/other accessories and jewelry! It relates back to my point about Floyd hating the feeling of tight clothes, and things touching his skin too much. I feel like if he had say, a necklace on for like 0.1s he would rip it the fuck off, destroying the necklace in the process

Floyd: :3 (aggressive)

Floyd loving to squeeze people but hurting them is 90% of the time on purpose hurting and 10% accidental hurting and when it IS accidental he gets so upset about it. I like to think Floyd is the more emotional out of the two... just so many emotions in that boy. like he just !! wants to give you love !!! but he's so strong he breaks ur ribs !!!! many of ur ribs!! ur honestly surprised you haven't punctured a lung yet!!!

On that note they BOTH are extremely touch starved. Floyd would fucking LOVE it if someone were to lay down on top of him for hours he would feel so squished!! and warm and nice!! and comfy!

Jade on the other hand, LOVES holding hands. holding ONTO something holding onto someONE.

Jade is a gift giver (love language) I bet you can't guess what Floyd is

His love language is Physical touch. Yeah

Jade getting people way too many gifts when it's a special occasion for them because he thinks they might think it's weird if he gets them a gift on any other day.

Floyd hyperpop liker (just overall really likes loud thrashy music or whatever)

Floyd also really got into those games where you have to beat the shit out of a dummy. He doesn't like ones where you have to TIME a hit to make it work (makes him annoyed bc he can't do it) Games like Pou I think....

While Jade enjoys colour by number or those hue games? just doing it in his free time.

#Please be autistic about them with me #Share your own hcs with me in comments/reblogs and if I like them I might add them #sorry guys I really like spreading the autism illness to all my faves #that's why I keep talking about how tismy they are to me #hope you don't mind #teehee #digital art #art #disney twst #twst fanart #twst hcs #twst #jade leech #floyd leech #leech twins #tweels #hcs #neurodivergent #disney twisted wonderland

[sourbinnie]

☆ cerca de ti.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> ot8!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> the song they wrote when you left them + some moments and how it went down. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> swearing ; smoking (weed) ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> nope

a/n: so i had this idea today and i wrote it all today because i wanted it out as soon as possible. i obviously get it if you don't like or think it's kinda odd? idk i really enjoyed this and the process of it so i hope yall like it too. it was kind of inspired by edits that i see on instagram where they make stray kids lipsync to latin songs, goddamn i love those. so yeah this is my take on how they would sing cerca de ti!

[ intro : chan & seungmin ] cerca de ti estaba bien y de tu vida me borré (close to you i was okay but of your life i got erased) y ella ante' no lo veía, pero sé que te fallé (but she didn't see it before but i know i failed you) y si ahora vuelves, te juro que no te vuelvo a perder (and if you come back, i swear that i won't lose you again) porque me di cuenta que muero si me alejo de tu piel (i realized that i die when i'm far away from your skin)

when they first started writing this song, only one thing would come to their minds and that was you. it wasn't your typical love song or even sad song but more of a mix of emotions that all the members were feeling condensed into one song. one they would call close to you, one that would express how much a certain person had changed them and their experiences with that individual.

chan at first didn't want to take a part in the song, he thought it was too soon, too much but the rest convinced him that it would be a good idea to let go with lyrics (it wasn't). when he wrote the first two verses of the introduction, he knew he was fucked and he was too deep now. when you decided to leave, he was the last one you saw and he got the final word, it didn't go well. he was too harsh and too egoistic to see what was happening in front of his eyes, the hate that blinded him was making him spill words that he didn't mean. 

"(y/n) i don't think you're realizing what you're doing." he said almost as if you were betraying him and the boys as you packed your things. you thought this was the right choice all along and you weren't gonna get convinced, especially by someone who wasn't showing they cared or that they appreciate you in anyway (he did very much so in the end). 

"what do you want me to do chan? to pretend everything's alright? god you guys really only think about yourselves." you said and it wasn't nice but it needed to be said. you've been left in the dust for way too long to care about other people's feelings, especially if it was the 8 boys you were referring to.

"rich coming from you, you act like we don't have a job. our lives don't revolve around you!" he exclaimed but it just made you roll your eyes. you weren't talking about that, you never even once mentioned their job because you knew how busy their schedules were but it just got to the point where they didn't show that they cared, that they loved you, that they wanted you. "if you leave, you aren't coming back."

"watch me." you said as you walked out the front door and out of their lives.

seungmin felt so lost without you, he got too used to your presence. he got used to your morning kisses, you preparing his lunch for work, how you would listen to him. the thing he missed the most was your body, not really in a sexual way, he just wanted to hold you. to feel your skin against his and plant a kiss on your cheek, he wanted to kiss your lips again and love you tenderly & softly.

he didn't think much of you leaving because he knew in the end you would come back to them. when you didn't for months, he lost hope and when the boys suggested writing, he was the first one grabbing a pen and a paper. he almost seemed desperate to get these feelings out of the way.

"you think they're gonna listen to it?" jeongin asked and the older didn't know how to respond. he wanted you to hear it, for you to process the words that everyone was singing. you were always so attentive towards their lyrics that it just made sense that if you heard it, you would want to contact them right?

"i hope so, this is our last shot i think." seungmin responded and jeongin nodded as he sat down next to him to write the lyrics. everyone needed to put in a bit of effort to make a team and for it to be put out.

[ chorus : chan, seungmin & jeongin ] y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca de ti, eh (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte dе amar (i guess it's a part of love) y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca dе ti, yeah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, yeah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love)

vocalracha did the chorus, it just seemed right. jeongin finding the right words to go with the flow and chan's voice starting it were exactly what everyone was looking for. it was their way of showing they were letting go but not willingly because if it was up to all of them they would want to continue what they had with (y/n).

jeongin took it really hard when you left. like seungmin, he had hope that you would come back, that it might be a mistake or a joke in bad taste but it wasn't like that. he didn't even get to say goodbye, to tell you to take care of yourself. he wanted you so bad in every way that your presence not being there for him when he needed you the most was destroying him.

"hyung i wish i could talk to them. i'm so lost and i don't even know what to do." jeongin expressed, in the verge of crying because he just wanted you but he was stuck in the dorms not even knowing where you were.

"we gotta give them time innie, i know it's hard but we'll find a way." chan said as let the younger cry and let his worries out. even if he didn't feel like things were gonna get better, his hyung always had his back.

right now he was feeling less broken, more confident but he just wanted you to hear this song. even if you didn't want to, these were the things that needed to be said and expressed by the members. he felt like he was left in the dark, he was trapped and had no way out but right now he was seeing the light. when they were filming the music video, everything shined so bright and it took his breath away. if only you could be right there, right now. 

[ verse 1 : jisung & minho ] cerca de ti fue que sentí que ya no había más na' malo (yeah-eh) (close to you i felt like there was nothing that could be bad) cerca de ti fue que sentí que ya no había más na' de amor (close to you i felt like there was no more love) sé que me fui lastimado (ey), dejaste en mí todo raro (i know i left hurt, you left everything weird in me) yo no sé cuándo estaré sano (i don't know when i'm gonna heal) pacas y pacas, todas las gasté, stop, ¿toda esa mierda pa' qué? (bags and bags, i spent them all. stop, all of that shit for what?) ya no me sirve fumar de la maría si no e' con vo' en el hotel (now i can't smoke the maria if it's not with you in the hotel) oh-oh, no me sirve fumar si no e' con vo' en el hotel (oh-oh, i can't smoke if it's not with you in the hotel)

jisung like he said, was left with a mix of everything. the weirdness that affected him when he wasn't by your side but the way you made him believe that he could be loved again lived within him. you showed him a new side of himself, way more careful and way more calm, one that brought peace everywhere he went. he carried that when he wasn't with you because he would go crazy if he didn't.

"you're kinda different today, i like the vibe." you said as you sat down next to him and he smiled, nodding. he couldn't explain the relaxation that invaded his body whenever he found himself in the same room as you. he couldn't let go of the feeling and yet at the same time he didn't want to.

"just wanted to be with you and enjoy the moment." he mumbled burying himself in you but then coming up to give you a sweet kiss. you smiled and pulled him closer as you made out on the sofa in the 3racha + hyunjin) dorms. 

he found himself smiling at the memories and not looking back because he was confident this would catch your attention. maybe a little too cocky for his liking but he knew you all too well to know that this isn't the end but the start of something different.

minho wasn't a big smoker, yet this verse was a reminder of how fucked up you two got at the hotels when he was on tour. when he brought you along, he wasted all of his money on you and on pleasing you, whatever the baby wanted they would get. maybe he acted more like a sugar daddy and didn't realize but he couldn't care less because he wanted to spoil you rotten.

"dude are you smoking?" jisung asked him and he could just nod, of course jisung was only interested because he wanted to hop on the same train. "this is fucking harder than i thought it would be, everything i write is shit."

"i wrote my verses but i still feel like it's missing their approval." minho said laughing, a bit high already. jisung just laughed because his giggles were contagious. they would spend the whole night like this, just going back and forth with new bars but in the end settling down for the ones they had at first. there was a reason those were the first things they thought of, it was because they came out of the broken heart they were experiencing.

staying silent wasn't unusual for them but since they met you, you would always invade with your voice and say whatever you were thinking. now the silence was uncomfortable and they just wanted to hear your voice again.

[ verse 2 : changbin & hyunjin ; both ] miro pa' atrás y parece to' un chiste (i look back and it seems like a joke) yo sé que no daba y por eso te fuiste (i knew i couldn't do it and that's why you left) no sé qué le pa', no sé qué le diste (i don't know what's going on, i don't know why you gave) pero estoy nuevo, como si no exististe (but i am new like you never existed) y sé que si yo puedo, podría cualquiera (and i know if i can, anyone can do it) porque mi corazón era una heladera (because my heart was a fridge) ahora tropical entre cocos y palmeras (now tropical between coconuts and palms) con un recuerdo dulce de cómo eras tú (with a sweet memory of how you were) ah, de cómo eras tú, oh-oh-woh (ah, of how you were, oh-oh-woh) miro pa' atrás y parece to' un chiste (i look back and it all seems like a joke) yo sé que no daba y por eso te fuiste (i knew i couldn't do it and that's why you left) no sé qué le pa', no sé que le diste (i don't know what's going, i don't know what you gave) pero estoy nuevo, como si no-como si-como si- (but now i'm new, like you've never-)

changbin thought it was genuinely a joke when chan told them you weren't coming back. this is why the first lyric went like this and then they immediately thought of realizing why you left him. it's like he knew he had to accept that you were not gonna come back, that the situation got worse and that they left you behind (without wanting to). you didn't leave because you wanted to but because you had to, you were done with them. 

he was the first to try to pretend like you didn't exist, like it didn't mean a thing to him that you left. while most of them were broken and trying to pick up the pieces, changbin decided to live in his new reality where he didn't even meet you. that lasted way too little for his liking since he got reminded of you everywhere he went.

"i feel like being without you makes me feel so fucking weird." he said one time to you and you raised your eyebrow at this. he wasn't one to usually get sappy but you welcomed this moments any time they happened. "okay i know i sound like a major loser but i love you."

"i love you more and you're not a loser for expressing your feelings binnie." your voice was engraved on his mind but he still craved to call you when he felt low. he knew leaving voice messages was weird to get it out since you blocked all of them but a man had to let it out somehow.

hyunjin thought his lyrics were so stupid but somehow he knew that's the way to go. if he wanted to capture your attention somehow, he wanted it to be in a cheesy line and make it seem like he was doing fantastic. yet when he thinks of the sweet memory of you, he's brought back to you, your perfume/cologne, your smile and your hugs. it felt like home every time you held him in your arms.

"hyunjin i feel like i'm drifting away from you guys and i'm scared." he remembers you said to him this one day and he was a bit shocked. he didn't feel like that at all but there had to be a reason why you were feeling like this and not overreacting right? he knew he had to talk it out with the other guys.

"no baby, we're here for you okay? i doubt anything is gonna happen." he said and now that he thinks about it, he should've done something, he should've held you closer and reassured you even more that nothing was gonna separate you from them. he didn't, he now regrets it every day because he missed you like crazy and there was no turning back.

but he knew he still had a chance to mend things, to at least have a way to contact you if you needed anything. he didn't want your last messages to be so sad, to be blocked in your phone forever 'cause you could never be blocked on his. it was stupid but he wanted to be in your life, even if it was the bare minimum.

[ verse 3 : changbin & felix ] ¿cuántas vece' te fallé? (how many times did i fail you?) sin contar la última ve' (without counting last time) pensando volverte a ver (thinking of seeing you again) cuando llego, yo te llamo y no respondes, baby (when i arrive, i call you and you don't answer, baby) me tiene' quemándome en tu fuego (you got me burning in your fire) todo' tu' problema' lo' resuelvo (all of your problems i solve them) como un boomerang yo siempre vuelvo (like a boomerang i always come back) tengo gana' de explorar tu cuerpo (i want to explore your body) ya me lastimaste, igual no aprendo (you already hurt me, i never learn) (ya me lastimaste, igual no aprendo) (you already hurt me, i never learn) (igual no aprendo) (still i don't learn)

felix didn't think he did things wrong, he didn't feel like your falling out was justified. yeah they made a mistake, he made a mistake but all the missed calls that night would haunt him forever. he wanted to see you, to talk to you, to know how you feel and what went wrong. he still couldn't understand it even if chan tried to explain it 100 times, he wasn't convinced. he wanted another chance and he would live in delusion of you coming back if he had to. 

the last time he saw you, you two fought. he remembers it very clearly but he wants to forget it every day, he felt like it wasn't that bad. was he in the wrong? 100% but it didn't justify you walking out on them. 

"(y/n) come on, you can't be serious. even if you do feel like that, it's nothing that we can't fix!" he said when you came to visit him to talk about how you were feeling. god he was such a fucking idiot, he should've just taken you seriously and the more he thinks about it, the more he cringes at how he reacted.

when you sighed and shook your head as you left, he was so blinded by hysteria that he didn't even look at you. he remembers telling changbin this and he knew he would get mad at him but he didn't care, if a lesson needed to be taught that he behaved in a stupid manner, he deserved it. it never arrived though, changbin understood that he wasn't in the right but he also missed the red flags so he couldn't blame his friend for taking this approach.

"i just want her back bin. this song is all i fucking have and it already feels like it's done for." felix expressed and changbin just patted him on the back as he looked at the lyrics his member wrote. 

"i think we can do it though, i think everything will be alright in the end." the older said as he continued the song with his verse and together they made it work. changbin hugged him and held him close as the other one just lost himself in his hyung.

if there was a feeling worse than losing you, it was missing you felix thought.

[ chorus : chan, seungmin & jeongin ] y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca de ti, ah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, ah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love) y si fuera por mí, no me correría de tu lado (and if it was up to me, i wouldn't be moved from your side) apretados, pero ya embarcaste (tightly but you already sailed away) di todo lo que tengo por vos, pero sé que yo fui un desastre [i gave everything for you, but i know i was a disaster)

he knew his members would eventually fight him because he was the last one that saw you. the confrontation was tough because even though everyone was fond of each other, the glue that tied them together was you when the situations got hard. chan knew he didn't handle the situation well, he knew everyone was disappointed in him and blamed himself for you leaving every day. he didn't want to feel like this but it was impossible when he was so cold and distant with his words and actions.

as a leader he should've known better, as a person he should've been better. 

"hyung please don't blame yourself." seungmin said as he sat down next to him. he was the only one who didn't yell at him and yet he thought he deserved it but the youngest wouldn't do it. "it was long overdue that they were gonna leave us because of how they felt and all of the signs were there."

"yeah but i had my chance to stop it and didn't" chan expressed, rotten and bitter that he still had to put up a fight against himself. if he couldn't keep you, he wouldn't be able to keep anything, not like he cared since the only thing he wanted right now was to see you again. 

"maybe you did but we can't keep on thinking that, we need to do something about it." seungmin said and chan nodded. he was right, he couldn't leave in the shadows forever, he couldn't keep on taking the bullet because it would only make it worse for him.

he really gave everything for you but it wasn't enough. even like he said, he was a disaster and there was no changing what went down or how it happened. there was only hoping that it would all heal and you would be able to continue what you once started. or maybe there would be a part where he would have to let go finally.

jeongin got lost in a train of thought when he had to say his verse. he got completely caught up in a moment that happened so long ago that all he could do was stare as he tried to say his lyrics but chan told him to start all over again.

"innie i know it's hard but i'm always here for you." you said and that should've been sweet but it wasn't because he responded the worst way possible.

"please go (y/n), i can't do this right now." he said and it made him physically recoil. like he could not understand why he was so distant, why he felt the need to talk to you like that and of course he remembers it now that he doesn't have a chance at all.

he was mad at himself not only because of that, because of everything they made you go through. maybe it was for the best that you went away because if you did stay, things would've gotten worse. but he wouldn't go without a fight as stupid and cliche as it was, he needed to fight for you and what your love was.

[ verse 4 : hyunjin, felix & minho ] sé que mucho arriesgaste, pero mirá al final (i know you risked a lot but look at the end) paso la noche viendo las fotos que tengo de los dos (i spent the nights looking at the photos i got from both of us) cara de póker cuando mi brother pregunta: "¿qué pasó?" (poker face when my brother asks the question "what happened?") yo solo estoy enfocado en ver cómo soltarte (i'm only focused on seeing how i let you go) bebé, no quiero perderte (baby, i don't wanna lose you) pero menos que me pierdas una oportunidad (but less that you make me lose the chance) eso significa no verte, fuck mi mala suerte (that means not seeing you, fuck my bad luck) tengo que aprender a soltar (i need to learn to let go)

minho remembers taking a picture of you, it was by the han river and you were making a peace sign. late at night when no one could see him and you didn't have to hide from the public. he wanted to keep you there forever, cherish you and make you feel loved.

"god i look so bad, delete it." you said and he just shook his head as he embraced you, giving you a tight hug. covering you with his coat as the wind blew near the water, it got suddenly colder. you accepted his tenderness and love as you laid your head on his shoulder.

"you look good all the time." he said, smiling and giving you a kiss on the forehead. you blushed as you looked up to meet his eyes and then suddenly closed them to meet him in a peaceful and lovely kiss that you would be sure to remember. well at least he still remembered and felt it from time to time.

"stop daydreaming." hyunjin said as he woke up minho from his daily session of reimagining things again and he sighed, annoyed by the others' presence but he knew they had to record their lines together. "It's all about letting go now like the lyrics say."

"yeah none of us are doing a good job at that." felix said as he walked in, his hair a mess and his voice raspier than usual. he knew he wasn't doing well but this was bottom of the barrel and he just didn't know how to take care of himself anymore.

"tired of saying we'll probably get a chance when i actually don't know." minho mumbled to himself but the other two catched it and nodded along. this was gonna be a tough act to put on but they needed to keep going till the end. a bad loser was one that wouldn't even show up, at least they were trying to win something out of this.

[ chorus : jisung, chan & seungmin ] y si fuera por mí (yoh, yoh), estaría cerca de ti, yeah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, yeah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love)

jisung was in the last chorus because that's what they decided on. he sighed as he had only one verse, the last one to make the chance count. even now he was feeling nervous for one line, he never felt this tense since he started being in stray kids and now he just wanted to shut himself off and close the door to his bedroom to not think about you. he was always invaded by memories anyways, so it's not like he could stop it but right now all the flashbacks like a movie were on his mind and he felt the tears build up.

seungmin found himself saying the last lyric of the song, thinking of the times when you would be staring at him before you two kissed. he didn't want to let go even if the song said otherwise but it would be the best option if things didn't go as planned.

"i love you minnie." you whispered to him after an award show one day. they had collected most of the trophies yet none of them felt as good as your love and having you by his side (as corny as it sounds). 

"i love you too." he whispered back and kissed your cheek as you were leaving the place were it took place. fingers intertwined and smiles on both of your faces. 

he remembered it with such love but deep pain as he pronounced his lyrics. i guess it's a part of love huh? he thought to himself as he saw the video going up, the song reaching an incredible amount of listens and going viral on every platform

maybe something good would come out of this.

+ 1

you knew it was about you and it was absolutely everywhere. you didn't have a friend who didn't send you the song and you didn't have a coworker who didn't talk about it. the new stray kids song is so sad that it will make you cry but it's still a vibe or whatever the headlines were saying. you were done with it but because your curiosity was over the roof, you knew you had to listen to it at least once.

and you did, you took in all the lyrics, all the verses and the chorus. you sighed when you finished it, is it really like this? do they really want you back? do they crave to be close to you like they say? you didn't know fully. maybe they just took in the situation and made the song for clout. but you knew them better than that and wouldn't do that if they weren't truly sorry, it was a whole mess to think about this.

you unblocked all of them, the hardest one to unblock being chan but you did it. speaking of the devil, he sent you a message as soon as you did unblock him and it was like destiny or magic or something insane because he couldn't believe he was no longer prohibited on your phone as he started spamming you. 

then soon everyone started messaging you and it felt like the old times, bringing back a smile to your face. it looks like they really did miss you and wanted you back.

you opened seungmin's chat and wrote just two words.

one chance.

#sourbinnie #skz imagines #skz songfics #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #skz x you #skz angst #stray kids angst #skz scenarios #ot8 x reader #skz ot8 #skz drabbles #stray kids drabbles #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #skz x gn reader

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

every single book I read in 2022. all 129 of them.

jesus christ

let's start with the best of the best; everything else will get listed beneath the read more because I'm not an animal. even just picking out my favorites is honestly probably going to get pretty lengthy, even though I'm trying to keep the synopses short.

batmanisagatewaydrug's noteworthy books of 2022

Complaint! (Sara Ahmed, 2021) - necessary for anyone doing diversity work in higher education, tbh

America is Not the Heart (Elaine Castillo, 2018) - achingly gorgeous novel of heartbreak and healing.

The School for Good Mothers (Jessamine Chan, 2022) - honestly? I feel very good calling this my favorite book of the entire year. sensitive, smart, chilling.

Black Feminist Thought (Patricia Hill Collins, 1990) - truly ashamed to say I didn't read this sooner. Collins' clear-eyed analysis remains crazily spot-on 30+ years later.

Hurts So Good: The Science and Pleasure of Pain on Purpose (Leigh Cowart, 2021) - I read this book so early in 2022 and literally have not stopped thinking about it since.

Batman: King Tut's Tomb (Nunzio DeFillippis, Christina Weir, José Luis García-López, and Kevin Nowlan, 2009) - dare I say the most fun I had with a comic all year.

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty (Akwaeke Emezi, 2022) - a romance unlike any other. queer, fun, sexy, bold as hell, and joyfully life-affirming.

The Dangers of Smoking in Bed (Mariana Enríquez, trans. Megan McDowell, 2021) - DELICIOUSLY creepy short stories that will lurk in your brain forever.

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century (Kim Fu, 2022) - if a more perfect short story collection exists I am yet to find it.

The World We Make (N.K. Jemisin, 2022) - I normally hesitate to include sequels on a list like this, but god DAMN Jemisin is the queen of modern spec fic for a reason.

We Do This 'Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice (Mariame Kaba, edited by Tamara K. Nopper, 2021) - excellent collection of Kaba's abolitionist writings, drawing on years of organizing experience and wisdom.

Jade City (Fonda Lee, 2017) - look out! new favorite doorstopper fantasy series alert!

Priestdaddy (Patricia Lockwood, 2017) - about the best damn memoir I've ever read. heartbreaking and hysterical in turns, poetry the whole way through.

Batman: The Long Halloween and Batman: Dark Victory (Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, 1996 and 1999) - it's always so exciting when something much-hyped lives up to the hype in every way. Batman at his grim and moody Batmaniest with a Gotham that’s deliciously bleak.

Station Eleven (Emily St. John Mandel, 2014) - I didn't think I'd like this book much at all, then ended up proposing on the second date. oops!

I'm Glad My Mom Died (Jennette McCurdy, 2022) - you will also be glad McCurdy's mom died, and also experience every other known human emotion along the way.

Kaikeyi (Vaishnavi Patel, 2022) - SPLENDID mythology retelling + political fantasy.

My Body (Emily Ratajkowski, 2022) - haunting haunting haunting personal essays about Ratajkowski's life as a model and subsequent alienation from her own body.

Batman: Bruce Wayne, Murderer? (Greg Rucka et al, 2002) - genuinely what can I say I'm a messy bitch and I love when the Bats are having a terrible time.

The Batman Adventures Vol. 2 #1-17 (created by Dan Slott, Ty Templeton, Rick Burchett, Terry Beatty, and Bruce Timm, 2003) - a continuation of the Batman: The Animated Series universe that frankly just fucking rules.

Little Rabbit (Alyssa Songsiridej, 2022) - a potent and erotic adult coming of age story.

The Right to Sex: Feminism in the Twenty-First Century (Amia Srinivasan, 2021) - thorny, difficult, vital essays.

Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia (Sabrina Strings, 2019) - jaw-droppingly thorough research into the role of fatpobia played and plays in the project of race-making.

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous (Ocean Vuong, 2019) - yeah so it turns out no one was REMOTELY exaggerating. Vuong really is That Good.

Hench (Natalie Zina Walschots, 2020) - wild fun with a ruthless protagonist and her sex villainous beetle man boss; what more could you ask for?

Love Your Asian Body: AIDS Activism in Los Angeles (Eric C. Wat, 2021) - learning about queer history makes me feel like I’m holding something so vibrant and fragile and precious right in my little queer hand. this book is an emotional journey in such a shining way.

Never Have I Ever (Isabel Yap, 2021) - EXCITING short story collection centered on girls having Just The Weirdest Time.

and everybody else:

fiction:

Light From Uncommon Stars (Ryka Aoki, 2021)

Our Wives Under the Sea (Julia Armfield, 2022)

A Tiny Upward Shove (Melissa Chadburn, 2022)

A Prayer for the Crown-Shy (Becky Chambers, 2022)

Disorientation (Elaine Hsieh Chou, 2022)

The Laws of the Skies (Grégoire Courtois, trans. Rhonda Mullins, 2019)

The Monster Baru Cormorant (Seth Dickinson, 2018)

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant (Seth Dickinson, 2020)

Greenland (David Santos Donaldson, 2022)

Dead Collections (Isaac Fellman, 2022)

The Halloween Moon (Joseph Fink, 2021)

A Dowry of Blood (S.T. Gibson)

Nightmare Alley (William Lindsay Gresham, 1946)

The Vegetarian (Han Kang, trans. Deborah Smith, 2015)

The Metamorphosis (Franz Kafka, trans. William Aaltonen, 1915)

Before the Coffee Gets Cold (Toshikazu Kawaguchi, trans. Geoffrey Trousselot, 2019)

Woman, Eating (Claire Kohda, 2022)

Long Division (Kiese Laymon, 2014)

Jade War (Fonda Lee, 2019)

No One is Talking About This (Patricia Lockwood, 2021)

Portrait of a Thief (Grace D. Li, 2022)

Elatsoe (Darcie Little Badger, 2020)

A Snake Falls to Earth (Darcie Little Badger, 2021)

Glitterati (Oliver K. Longmead)

Gideon the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir, 2019)

Harrow the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir, 2020)

Nona the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir, 2022)

The Memory Police (Yoko Ogawa, trans. Stephen Snyder, 2019)

Even Though I Knew the End (C.L. Polk, 2022)

100 Boyfriends (Brontez Purnell, 2021)

Flowers for the Sea (Zin E. Rocklyn, 2021)

Any Way the Wind Blows (Rainbow Rowell, 2021)

Interview with the Vampire (Anne Rice, 1976)

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (Benjamin Alire Sáenz, 2012)

Aristotle and Dante Dive Into the Waters of the World (Benjamin Alire Sáenz, 2022)

Into the Riverlands (Nghi Vo, 2022)

Siren Queen (Nghi Vo, 2022)

Strange Beasts of China (Yan Ge, trans. Jeremy Tiang, 2020)

short story collections:

The Memory Librarian: And Other Stories of Dirty Computer (Janelle Monáe, Yohanco Delgado, Eva L. Ewing, Alaya Dawn Johnson, Danny Lore, and Sheree Renée Thomas, 2022)

Walking on Cowrie Shells (Nana Nkweti, 2021)

Terminal Boredom (Izumi Suzuki, trans. Polly Barton, Sam Bett, David Boyd, Daniel Joseph, Aiko Masubuchi, and Helen O’Horan, 2021)

nonfiction:

Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity (Judith Butler, 1990)

How to Read Now (Elaine Castillo, 2022)

Playing the Whore: The Work of Sex Work (Melissa Gira Grant, 2014)

What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat (Aubrey Gordon, 2020)

White Tears/Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color (Ruby Hamad, 2020)

Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness (Da'Shaun L. Harrison, 2021)

Some of My Best Friends: Essays on Lip Service (Tajja Isen, 2022)

One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter (Scaachi Koul, 2017)

How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America (Revised Edition) (Kiese Laymon, 2020)

Sister Outsider (Audre Lorde, 1984)

Conversations with People Who Hate Me: 12 Lessons I Learned from Talking to Internet Strangers (Dylan Marron, 2022)

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism (Amanda Montell, 2021)

World of Wonders: In Praise of Fireflies, Whale Sharks, and Other Astonishments (Aimee Nezhukumatathil)

Histories of the Transgender Child (Jules Gill-Peterson, published as Julian Gill-Peterson, 2018)

Yoke: My Yoga of Self-Acceptance (Jessamyn Stanley, 2021)

A Queer History of Fashion: From the Closet to the Catwalk (edited by Valerie Steele, 2013)

Transgender History: The Roots of Today's Revolution (Revised Edition) (Susan Stryker, 2008)

The End of Policing (Alex S. Vitale, 2017)

The Trouble With Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life (Michael Warner, 1999)

Read My Lips: Sexual Subversions and the End of Gender (Riki Wilchins, published as Riki Anne Wilchins, 1997)

poetry:

Short Talks (Anne Carson, 1992)

Content Warning: Everything (Akwaeke Emezi, 2022)

Prelude to Bruise (Saeed Jones, 2014)

Alive at the End of the World (Saeed Jones, 2022)

Bright Dead Things (Ada Limón, 2015)

Motherland Fatherland Homelandsexuals (Patricia Lockwood, 2014)

Nature Poem (Tommy Pico, 2017)

Night Sky with Exit Wounds (Ocean Vuong, 2016)

Time Is a Mother (Ocean Vuong, 2022)

comics:

Batman: One Bad Day - Mr. Freeze (Gerry Duggan, Matteo Scalera, and Dave Stewart, 2022)

Spandex - Fast and Hard (Martin Eden, 2012)

Harley Quinn: The Animated Series: The Eat. Bang! Kill. Tour (Tee Franklin, Max Sarin, and Marissa Louise, 2022)

Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? (Neil Gaiman and Andy Kubert, 2009)

The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes (Neil Gaiman, Sam Keith, Mike Dringenberg, and Malcom Jones III, 1988)

The Sandman: In the Doll's House (Neil Gaiman, Michael Zulli, Mike Dringenberg, Chris Bachalo, Malcolm Jones III, and Steve Parkhouse, 1989)

The Sandman: Dream Country (Neil Gaiman, Kelley Jones, Malcolm Jones III, Colleen Doran, and Charles Vess, 1991)

The Sandman: Season of Mists (Neil Gaiman, Kelley Jones, Malcom Jones III, Mike Dringenberg, Matt Wagner, P. Craig Russell, George Pratt, and Dick Giordano, 1992)

The Sandman: A Game of You (Neil Gaiman, Shawn McManus, Colleen Doran, Bryan Talbot, Stan Woch, and George Pratt, 1993)

Run, Riddler, Run (Gerard Jones and Mark Badger, 1992)

Catwoman: When in Rome (Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, 2005)

Batman: Year One (Frank Miller and David Mazzicchello, 1986)

Batman: One Bad Day - Penguin (John Ridley, Giuseppe Camuncoli, Cam Smith, and Arif Prianto, 2022)

Batman: Bruce Wayne - Fugitive (Greg Rucka et al, 2002)

Batman: One Bad Day - Two-Face (Mariko Tamaki, Jaiver Fernandez, and Jordie Bellaire, 2022)

Batman & Robin Eternal Vol 1 & Vol 2 (James Tynion IV and Scott Snyder, 2015 and 2016)

Batman: Their Dark Designs (James Tynion IV, Guillem March, and Tomeu Morey, 2020)

The Joker War Saga (James Tynion IV and Jorge Jiménez, 2021)

Papergirls Vol. 1-6 (Brian K. Vaughan and Cliff Chiang, 2016-2019)

Real Hero Shit (Kendra Wells, 2022)

Poison Ivy #1-6 (G. Willow Wilson and Marcio Takara, 2022)

and some gaming guides!

Monster of the Week (Michael Sands, 2012) - great game. so cool. cannot wait to actually play it someday.

Thirsty Sword Lesbians (April Kit Walsh, 2021)

special shame zone because I want you to know how bad this sucked, do not read this:

Rethinking Sex: A Provocation (Christine Emba, 2022). patronizing, puritanical, reductive, painfully cisheteronormative. weirdly afraid of group sex. not actually that provocative, just aggressively Catholic.

and last but most certainly least, a comic that I want to remind you all fucking sucked just one more time before the year is done.

Batman: One Bad Day - The Riddler (Tom King and Mitch Gerads, 2022)

Tom King, go fuck yourself. Mitch is cool though, the art slapped.

#bookblr #if you find a typo in here no you didn't xoxo #feel free to tell me your thots or ask about any of these i love to talk about my unhinged reading habit

[bunnakit]

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #ltts meta #bunn meta #mhokday #morkday

[gaybitchfx]

Hey!!!!

I love your writing!

Can i request Eddie Munson x male reader, where the reader is a total menace to society, and like Eddie is seen as a freak.

The type of guy to steal a street sign, just someone who hardly takes anything seriously and is just goofy the whole time.

But when the whole Vecna thing happens people start to see that the whole "I'm dumb, let's do something fun" front is just a facade and he's actually this insecure boy, with a fucked up family, that just tries to keep the others happy.

And like him kinda sacrificing himself in the Upside down, but he makes it out alive through dumb luck and a few skills he picked up while being a menace to society

Note: I’m so glad you love my writing! And I snorted when reading this 😭 This shit is long too since I had to rewatch episode 9 to remember what had happened.

A LITERAL MENACE

Character(s): Eddie Munson

Type of reader: M!Reader

Category: Fluff & Angst

Warning(s): Spoilers for season 4 and episode 9!

Edited: ❌

You were an…odd case.

Whenever Jason would throw insults are Eddie or call him a freak you would literally threaten him and throw your own insults till Eddie has to make you shut up. Like right now, Jason had decided to pick on Eddie once again for the 3rd time this week.

"Listen here you dirty blond bimbo, my patience with you is quickly becoming limited and I'm ready to just throw you out the goddamn window!" You pointed and shouted at him getting everyone's attention in the cafeteria. "Pssh...as if you could even pick me up L/n. You don't have the guts." Jason laughed making his little gang laugh as well.

"You think I'm playing games now huh?! I'll fuckin soccer kick you in the goddamn balls Carver!" You said and as you were walking towards him Eddie quickly grabbed you and just pulled you away from Jason.

"You're lucky I'm bein held!!" You shouted before Eddie put a hand over your mouth. “Just allow your little freak boyfriend to take you away you fucking menace.” Jason scoffed making your blood boil. Eventually everyone resumed to what they were doing and you just sighed when you calmed down. "Honestly, he's so goddamn annoying. Next time he bothers you Eddie make sure to tell me so I can get a stop sign and whack him in the head like a tennis ball." You said with a grin. Everyone at the table blinked owlishly at what you said.

"You don't...actually mean that, right?" Dustin asked as he nervously laugh. "Maybe I do maybe I don't. It all depends on how I feel." You shrugged as you took a bite of your apple.

"You really are a menace Y/n." Mike said making you laugh. "I've been told that for years Mike! Sometimes it's a compliment and others, like Jason and his little basketball friends, it's an insult. But I'll take what you said as a compliment!" You said and gave Mike a slap on the back making a small 'oof' sound come from him.

Now, when you got involved into the whole Vecna thing your personality did a whole 180. You were scared, worried, hell you didn't even know what other emotions you were experiencing all at once.

"I'm fuckin scared man, why did i even agree to this?!" You shouted over Eddie playing his guitar as you held a a baseball bat with nails close to you along with a shield that had more nails in them. "Don't worry Y/n! You'll be fine!!" Dustin shouted before putting goggles on and saw the bats weren't too far. "Eddie!! We gotta lock down in T-minus thirty seconds!" Dustin shouted at him as one hand showed a 3 and another showed a 0. Eddie nodded his head and began playing faster.

"T-minus twenty!" Dustin once again shouted and Eddie played faster. "T-minus ten!" You were pacing back and forth as you watched the bats get closer and closer making you scared shittless. "Five!" Dustin shouted and held up his hand. "One!" And with that Eddie did one last strum of his guitar before they all started running inside. Everyone was shouting at each other before they finally got inside.

"Dude...most metal ever!" "Oh my... Oh my God." They both hollered and jumped in excitement. You and the other hand was walking back and forth while gripping your hair in a panic state. "It's alright Y/n. Calm down we're all safe." Eddie said, trying his best to calm you down.

"Calm down?! How am I gonna calm down when there fucking man eating bats right outside that can come and get us at any second?!" You shouted at him, your voice cracked while doing so.

"Wow... This is the first time I'm seeing you like this.." Dustin said, his eyes widened in shock. "I'm not who you really think I am. I'm not so upbeat when it comes to things like this... I have family issues and I really just wanna keep you all happy so none of you have to worry so much when you might have your own problems.. I even worry about what you guys think of me so I put up this little facade to make you all like me." You blurted out while sniffling since you were crying from both stress and fear. They both stood there in silence as they allowed the information to sink in.

"You don't gotta put up an act to make us like you Y/n. You can just be you and we'll still like you." Eddie said as he placed a hand on your small and gave it a couple pats. Dustin nodded agreeing before he jumped since the banging outside became louder. All three males stood close to the exit and kept their guard up.

"Hey, dipshits! Give up that easy, huh?!" Dustin shouted as the banging became quiet. "Hush! Is this really necessary?" Eddie hushed Dustin. "They're on the roof." Eddie said and pointed his spear up at the ceiling. "Shit, shit shit," Dustin muttered under his breath as all three of them began to follow where they were heading.

"It's too quiet... Is there any other way to can get inside?" You asked as you looked at a certain hole in the roof before one had put its head inside scaring everyone. Dustin and Eddie both began stabbing at it since they were the ones with a spear while you only had a bat which you were pretty good at handling. Eddie then grabbed a chair and stood on it before placing his 'shield' over the hole.

"Wait... Are there any other vents in here somewhere?" You asked making Eddie's eyes widen. "Oh, shit!" Eddie quickly got off the chair and grabbed his spear before running to where he knows where one of the vents were, Dustin and Y/n followed right behind him.

When they got to his room a bunch of bats came flying out the vent. Eddie had quickly closed the door before they could come out of the room, but as soon as he did that one of them began hitting the door and soon more followed. "Shit!" Dustin shouted as he, you, and Eddie made a run for it to the exit.

"That's not gonna hold!" "Let's go! Let's go!" "Holy mother of mary!" The all shouted as Dustin climbed up the rope and Eddie followed right after him. "C'mon Y/n!! Hurry up!!" Dustin screamed. "That door isn't going to hold forever!!" Eddie shouted. You held onto the rope before a little thought crossed your mind.

You pulled on the rope completely making it fall down and then you moved the mattress out of the way. "Y/n!! What the fuck are you doing?!!" Eddie screamed at you, worry in his eyes. "I'll make sure to come back. If I don't than one of you can take all the shit I own!" You told them with a smile. "Y/n!" Dustin shouted but you were long gone. You pulled an Eddie and ran outside attracting all of them to you.

You stayed a couple feet away from the house and held the bat you hand in your hand ready to swing. So when one came at you, you didn't hesitate to hit it and a couple more followed after and you just went ham on hitting them. "C'mon you fuckers!! Let's play a lil baseball and see how things end!!" You shouted before whacking one off to the side.

Eddie and Dustin had to go quickly because now that max 'died' it caused four large splits into the ground. "What about Y/n?!" Eddie shouted at Dustin as they watched his house get split into slight halves. Dustin couldn't even answer that question because he didn't know if you were actually alive or not.

Dustin looked over at the slightly split house before seeing a hand on the side of the open part of the house. And out came you from around the corner limping, bleeding a bit, and really tired. "Y/n!!" Dustin shouted as he ran over to you. Eddie followed right behind Dustin before they both pulled you away from the large crack. You looked at the two with a smile. "Told ya I was gonna come back." You said with a thumbs up.

"H-...How? I thought you died in there..." Eddie sobbed as he hugged you with a tight ass grip along with Dustin. "Dumb luck I suppose. And my sweet baseball moves!" You laughed before groaning.

"Can we go to the hospital at least? I think I fractured my ribs and pulled a muscle in my leg. After that let's see if we can get Eddie's name cleared from being a murderer." You said. "O-...Oh right the hospital!" Dustin exclaimed as he wrapped one of your arms around his neck to help you walk. Eddie stood there about to say something, but instead he kept quiet.

"You too pretty boy, let's go." You said and motioned him over to you. Eddie let out a breathy chuckle before wrapping your other arm over his shoulder.

#eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie x male reader #eddie x you #eddie x reader #eddie x y/n #fiction #fluff #angst #male reader #stranger things x male reader #stranger things

[letsdeerintheheadlightsuniverse]

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>>Next Chapter>>

Pairing: Izzy Hands x gn!reader

Synopsis: Izzy wouldn't peel oranges for, if he didn't-

A/N: I'm so, so, so sorry this took so long for me to write! I really struggled with writer's block on this chapter. Hopefully, the nexy chapter will be published a lot quicker!

Content Warning: mentions of death and self-loathing but othwrwise, I think that's it. Let me know if I missed anything!

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, REPUBLISH, OR TRANSLATE MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION. I DO NOT OWN OFMD OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

=============================

T-This was good, right? You sleeping...in his arms. Goodness knows you were completely exhausted after the doctor treated your arm. The rest would do you good. Plus, as much as it made Izzy's stomach knot with anxiety, he...he liked having you this close. No, not 'liked'. 'Liked' was too palid a term.

What was it you had said? When in the midst of begging Edward to bring him to your bedside? Right. You said you needed him like you needed oxygen. Izzy did not just like having you safely tucked against his chest, as you got some well-deserved rest. He had fantasised about this moment for, well, months. Perhaps even from the first day he had saved you.

Gods, just the mere memory of the state he had found you in that day, caused the First Mate to hold your slumbering form just that bit tighter. Back then, he had possessed no inkling of just how intrinsically important you were going to be to him, but now, you were his sun, moon, and stars. His feelings for you were as equally intense as yours were for him and should have been enough, right?

Wrong. Contentment was not yet quite on the cards for the silver-haired pirate. He would have to address some decades-old demons, before such peace was granted to him.

"Gods, you're such a creeper." the sudden intrusion of another's voice, that was not your own, startled the First Hand as his head whipped round in the direction of the newcomer.

"Spriggs." Izzy breathed a sigh of relief. Usually the sight of Lucius sent a spike of rage through his persons but for once, the silver-haired pirate was rather pleased it was a...hm, not quite a friend but at least it was not a foe.

The obvious sway in the Scribe's gait was very telling as he stepped into the room, leaving the door ajar in his wake. It did not take a genius to deduce that he had been drinking. Though, Izzy could not recall a time he had ever seen the young man quite so inebriated. The thought instantly put the First Mate on edge. Drunk people could be...erratic at the best of times, especially lightweights. The silver-haired pirate did not want any trouble, especially while you were in such a bulnerable state.

"Dizzy." Lucius greeted his superior, voice slightly louder than intended.

"Keep your voice down, they're sleeping."

"Yeah, I can see that."

Noticing the half-drunk bottle of- what even was that?- nondescript alcohol in Lucius's hand, Izzy nodded towards the beverage. "Drowning your sorrows or celebrating?"

"A bit of both." the smile that graced his lips, did not quite reach the man's eyes. The usual twinkle of mirth was replaced by an emotion more akin to pain. "The doc said Pete'll hopefully pull through. Just a matter of when now."

"That's good to know." Izzy nodded and genuinely- but more so, surprisingly- he was honest to goodness glad that the Lucius and Pete had both survived the storm. With you in his life, Izzy could now empathetically imagine the pain either men would have felt, had the other perished aboard The Revenge. Well, overboard in Pete's case.

"I've been told I have you to thank for that."

"Just doing my duty as First Mate." Izzy shrugged, as if he were in the casual habit of saving lives on a daily basis. "Don't make nothing into something." the reality of the matter was that, Izzy wanted to completely forget about the storm. Even now, the First Mate could still feel the ice cold grip of the unpleasant memories, pulling his attention away from the present and back to the sight of red...staining the storage floor.

"Yeah, well. Still. Thanks, I guess or whatever. Fuck, I don't know." he gave mirthless laugh, while running a weary hand over his face. What a twist of fate! The disagreeable Isreal Hands had been the one to save the love of his life. Calypso must have really had fun concocting that series of unfortunate events. If the entire situation had not been so dire, Lucius may have found the humour in the mind-boggling concept. Still, the Scribe was at least thankful that the First Mate had been competent enough a pirate to rescue Pete. It chilled him to the core to consider the alternative. Both men could have easily have lost their lives to the storm. Then both you and Lucius would have suffered with a broken heart.

The subsequent yawn from the young man, did not escape Izzy's hawk-like gaze. "You should get some sleep."

"Could say the same to you." Lucius grinned, dopily. Already thinking about taking residence beside Pete, in the narrow single bed, as he had done every single night, since the crew had deposited themselves in the inn.

"But you won't 'cause you're gonna do as you're fucking told, right?" once upon a time, those words would have been spat with such malice but now, after everything that had happened, Lucius dared to believe that the slight smirk that played upon Izzy's lips, was real and not something conjured up by his drunkenly hazy mind.

"Heh, I suppose I am." he chuckled, already moving to turn his back on the First Mate but before he could fully exit out of the room, he had paused in the doorway, with his had rested upon the chipped frame. "You know, you should actually tell them how you feel, instead of just staring. Just some food for thought." he added, before he disappeared out of sight and into the darkness of the hallway. "Night, Dizzy."

"Twat." the lone man grumbled, only for his gaze shift to you, when you slightly stirred in your sleep. Mumbling something that almost resembled his name.

====

The next day.

Skilled fingers took their sweet time in removing the fragrant rind, causing citrus perfume to fill the air and make your mouth water in anticipation. Separating a segment from the bunch, the silver-haired pirate pressed the delightfully sweet treat to your lips. "Open." he gently commanded, smiling to himself, as you complied without hesitation. The sigh of contentment from you prompted Izzy to fed you another slice, before he helped himself to some of the orange.

And so, the day slipped languidly from morning to late evening. The sun warming everything in it's sight, transforming the Republic of Pirates from sunflower yellow, to vivid gold. The ocean melted into the sky, solid cerulean blue, punctuated with lamb's wool clouds. Crickets chipped and pirates cussed, beckoning you to leave the confines of your room. There was a world beyond the inn, calling to be explored by your curious gaze but for now, you were happy to indulge in a well-needed rest.

The steady heartbeat of your beloved, thumped steadily, as you lay your head back down against his chest. The unusual coarse leather of his waistcoat forgotten, thrown precariously over a nearby chair, in favour of a linen shirt. A far better suited material for such humid climates.

Popping another orange segment into his mouth, Izzy chewed thoughtfully, the rare quiet allowing for time for much-needed contemplation. The conversion with Spriggs played over and over in his mind. Melding and blending with with your own revelations. He could seldom believe that you actually felt so deeply for him. Did you truly mean your words, when you said his presence made it easier for you to breathe? The fear-driven voice in his head, cautioned him to not mention anything but the curiousity was eating him alive. "So, I'm your Stede fucking Bonnet, aye?"

You visibly tensed in his hold and for a moment, he feared the worst but the dusting of blush that warmed your cheeks, suggested that perhaps, you were more embarrassed at being caught saying such cherished sentiments. "You heard me say that?" you giggled, the sound immediately put the First Mate at ease. His instincts had not failed him. Maybe now his inner monologue would be kinder to him? Unlikely. "I meant every word, you know."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He pauses once more, thinkjng over your admission. Though you had no reason to lie and nothing to gain from garnering the affections of the ship's First Mate, Izzy still could not quite wrap his head around the exact reason behind your attraction towards him. "Why?" he stated plainly, needing you to spell it out for him.

The one word caused you more heartache than he would ever know. "Oh, Iz..." you sighed, hating that he evwn had to question you.

He mistook the anguish in your gaze for pity. Something ugly reared it's head, twisting and snarling in the cavern of his chest. Of course, that's what this was, pity. The self-hatred whispered, finding glee within it's malicious words. No one could possibly ever love him. He was good enough for someone as kind as you, as pure..as..as... "I don't need your fucking pity, crewmate." he snapped back but there was no real bite to his bark.

"M'not pitying you, Iz. I'd never disrespect you like that." you did your best to reassure him, as you curled up closer in his now slack embrace. Arms loosely holding you, with no real intent in keeping you secure in his embrace. You missed the contentment and peace that had settled over you both, just mere moments ago. Despite his close proximity, Izzy may have well been miles away. You hated that you were losing him to his own damned mind. "But it's true. Existing is just easier when I'm around you. I can't really explain why. I just know what I feel. You make me happy. Really happy." you spoke with urgency, as you fwlt your bond slipping through your fingers. Hell, you were close to balling up his shirt in your fists and giving the man a good hardy shake. Or a bruising kiss- you were yet to make a final decision.

Your confession brought nothing more than an extended silence. This one far less comfortable to endure. "Look, ignore me. I'm...I'm not asking any sense and besides, you might not even think of me like that-"

You continued to ramble but Izzy was still mulling over your prior words. He made you happy. You had said, explictly and without being under duress. He made you...happy. What else had you said? Oh, right! Being around him made existing easier. Gods, he could not just sit there, looking dumbfounded, as you tried to backtrack on your confession. Say something, man! Say something! "I might not be all flowery with my words like Bonnet but that doesn't mean..." he murmured, cutting through your babbling and effectively silencing you, as you waited with bated breath for him to finish his train of thought. Watching you now, with your wide, hopeful eyes, Izzy hated to admit it but Lucius had been right. Even now, all he was doing was staring at you, instead of actually vocalising just how much he adored wvery fibre of your being. "Fucking Spriggs." he muttered, angry at himself...and maybe the scribe. Just a little bit.

"Spriggs?"

"Ignore that. Look, I wouldn't be sat here peeling fucking oranges for you, if-" but before he could utter a further sentiment, a playful rat-a-tat-tat sounded against the oak door. Disrupting the pirate's train of thought and instantly putting him in a foul mood. Gods, was there no such thing as privacy in this place? "Oh, for fucks sake. Come in!"

Speak of the evil one and he shall appear. No other than Stede Bonnet, popped his head around the door, wearing that usual dopey grin of his. "Hello! Just me." he cheerfully greeted you both, completely unaware of the emotionally charged moment he had just unintentionally poured a proverbial bucket of water over.

The First Mate's disdain for the Gentleman Pirate could not have been more palpable. If looks could kill, the blonde would have been dead a thousand times over. "What do you want, Bonnet?"

Somewhat sheepishly, Stede explained, "I thought you should know that Frenchie is finally awake. He should be well enough for visitors later on and-"

"That's great. Can you fuck off now please?" the grin that played upon Izzy's lips was merely a formality. There was nothing friendly about his tone, nothing that actually suggested that he was pleased to have received the update.

"Right, sorry!" the co-captain said with a laugh, finally recognising that he may, in fact, not be exactly welcome in the room. Of course, you were always- mostly- happy to chat with the man but since his arrival had cut short Izzy's confession, even your hospitable personality was wearing thin. "You two were probably in the middle of something. I'll pop by later."

"Oh, deep joy!"

"Izzy!" you chastised your beloved, horrified at just how rude he was being now. Watching the other man quickly make his exit, you did not hesitate to use the little energy you possessed to swat the silver-haired pirate on the arm. "You gotta start being nicer to him. Stede's a good Captain." the quirk of Izzy's eyebrow had you sighing, knowing full well that, you had told a bold faced lie. "Okay, he's a good guy but a shitty Captain."

Much to your annoyance, your admission earned you a smug look in return from the silver-haired pirate. "That's better." he muttered, settling himself back down against the pillows, dragging you down along with him, to once again, rest against his broad chest.

The previous calm fell over you both once more, as you felt yourself lulled into that welcome sense of security. Whilst in Izzy's hold, it felt like nothing insidious could ever befall you again. He truly was you guiding lighthouse in the storm of life. As the minutes slipped by, the window of opportuniry for the pirate to finish his previous sentence, grew shorter and shorter. Unable to take the silence anymore, you felt yourself moved to say something. "Moments kinda been ruined, huh?" you joked but there was funny in what you asked. Internally, you were screaming for an answer. What had the First Mate intended to say to you, before he was so rudely interrupted?

It was Izzy's turn to tense beneath you and blush tomato red, as he struggled to utter a single syllable. Gods, there was so much he wanted to say and yet, words escaped him. How did you and Stede fucking Bonnet express yourselves so freely? You may as well have spoken in sonnets, in comparison to his fumbling attempts to express just how dear you were to him. No, no! It was all too much, too overwhelming. He could not do it! Abort mission! Abort mission! "I think I just need some time to...to think things over." he eventually grumbled, as he watched your expression carefully, just waiting for the inevitable disappointment to mare you features.

He should have known better by now, not to expect such a negative reaction from you. Much to Izzy's surprise, you offered him a smile.

Hiding your heartbreak well. It would not be fair to him, you mused, to expect declarations of love, from a man of such few words. Live languages were funny like that. Each person had a different way of expressing their emotions. Perhaps yours was through praise, promises and sweet nothings but had your beloved said, not only a mere hour ago, that he would not peel you an orange, if he did not care? Maybe Izzy's love language was acts of service. Yes, yes, that was it! "That's okay, I understand." and you meant it, every word.

That was not enough for the silver-haired pirate, who still feared his inadequancies would be his ruination. "Hey," he caught your chin with his fingers, gently tilting your head to look back up at him. "That doesn't mean I don't fucking care about you, okay?" an intensity unlike anything you had ever witnessed before, burned in those captivating eyes of his. "Just...just be patient with me."

"Oh, Iz." you grinned at him further, with nothing but adoration twinkling like the brightest of stars in your eyes. "I'd wait until the end of time for you."

====

The following morning.

The knock on the door was indeed a surprise for the Captain, as he wiped his mouth free of crumbs. Whilst interruptions at breakfast were common on the ship, at the inn, there had been a lack of daily visitors to their quarters. Stede could not imagine who would be wanting his attention so early in the morning.

His own amour was not one to wait outside the door of their shared accommodation. Usually, Ed just left and returned as he pleased. That particular daybreak being a prime example of such behaviour. Stede had awoken to find his boyfriend's slumbering form, absent from their bed. All that had been left in his wake, was a sweet note, reading, 'Gone fishing. Be back later. I love you. Ed x'

So, with the other pirate most likely being confined to a small row boat for the better part of the day, there was no telling who stood beyond the closed door. Stede's initial consideration was that, it was the doctor, coming by to deliver an update on the patients (or asking for more money). However, as the Captain recalled but a moment later, the physician was not due to check in on his patients until at least noon. So, that ruled him out as a potential caller.

The next round of persistent thuddings knocks, had a now aggrieved Gentleman Pirate up on his feet and casting his napkin aside. "Alright! Alright! No need fo break the door down, I'm coming!" well, really! Could a man not enjoy his jam and toast in peace? He thought in a huff, knowing that nothing good could possibly await him at such a time of day.

Swinging the door open, perhaps a tad more aggressively than he had intended too, the blonde came face to face with that oh-so-familiar scowl, he had come to absolutely loathe. Especially when it was directed solely at him. Despite his grievances, Izzy presence darkening the door was indeed a cause for concern.

The First Mate was now so intrinsically associated with you and your wellbeing, that Stede felt a sudden rush of panic, at the assumption that further ill-fate had befallen you. Sensing the other man's worry, Izzy suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. As if he would rely on Stede fucking Bonnet an actual crisis! "I'm not here about (Y/N)'s health."

Although, credit given where credit was due, he had been...pretty helpful during the storm and Izzy supposed that, Stede had played a vital role in keeping you in a stable condition, until they had arrived in the Republic of Pirates. Plus, he was the only one the silver-haired pirate could talk to about such a personal and pressing matter. "I need your help but if you breathe a word of this to anyone, especially Edward, I will cut your tongue out." Izzy threatened, his patience already wearing thin. Fuck, life really had been turned up on it's head since the storm. First the conversation with Spriggs, now Bonnet? Calypso really was having her fun toying with their lives, huh? She was certainly enjoying making Izzy's just that bit more unpleasant.

Though Stede liked to think the other pirate to be more bark than bite, he was not going to take his chances, only to find himself inpaled in the gut. Again. Taking the threat to heart, the Captain duly nodded, before stepping to one side, leaving enough room for Izzy to pass by him. "In that case, you had better take a seat. I'll pour us some tea."

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