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#he gives off Thomas Jefferson vibes
yeyayeya · 1 year
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I was texting a friend of mine about MDZS cause I sent her a picture of one of the English books and she told me that the name sounded cool (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) and I told her it had other names before it such as Founder of Diabolism
And she told me she read “founder” as “father” and she instantly thought of the Founding Fathers cause she was doing Civics works prior
Then I sent her a pic of WWX and asked “does he look like a founding father?” With her replying that he gave her Thomas Jefferson vibes. Right after I sent a pic of LWJ and she told me he was Dr. Warren
Cue to the both of us laughing our asses off when I said Thomas Jefferson x Dr. Warren, with her right after saying Dr. Jefferson and talking about founding fathers fanfics
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Not sure if youre still doing this, but if you are
🖊 + Either James or Silas? I'd love to hear more about them!
HELL YEAH BABYYYYYYYYY THIS is gonna get long REALY quick. I want to talk about my murderous baby boy Silas, since I need to flesh James out more. I hope that's okay!
(TW: mentions for abuse, poison and murder)
Sweet like Sugar, Deadly like Poison: France's Adored Actor - Silas Tueuse:
FIRST IDEAS:
Baby!!!! Baby boy!!! He was actually the first design/idea I created before Mandisa, Raquelle, James, Lacrimosa and Celeste. He was also my first time trying to draw with the Lackadaisy character references! (i.e. the blue circles/heads, the sketching style, etc.)
He was a character that I just knew wasn't going to be a good guy. He just had the vibes of "antagonist" written all over him. Though he didn't always start out this way
His last name was originally going to be Mallory, meaning "unfortunate" in French. However, I switched it over to Tueuse, the meaning of quite literally "slayer" or "killer".
He was based off of a Savannah Cat breed! I didn't know which cat to do at first, but once I settled on it, I immediately had an idea and color palette in mind. Below is an example of the cat I referenced.
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^this was the main design I used, but I wanted to keep it simplified.
Silas was purposely made to look feminine! He is not trans, but he is homoromantic demisexual! While his killing techniques include flirting and seducing, it is NOT out of pure love. It is only a manipulation tactic before he slips poison into someone's food or drink.
His voice claim, especially with THAT hair, is Daveed Diggs. He just RADIATES Thomas Jefferson/Lafayette-Hamilton vibes (since they're the same person lmaooo)
I also wanted a bit of a counterpart from the Savoy Siblings, I guess! That's why I made Silas and Raquelle :)
FACTS/HEADCANONS:
He is Raquelle Tueuse's older brother, and he takes after his father more than his mother. He speaks more English than French, but he is fluent in both.
He always had a passion for acting! He just knew it was his calling.
His father actually encouraged his passion for acting, and even gave him a few Shakespeare books, as well as other classic literature.
He is double jointed....self projecting here lmao-
He is travelling from France to all across America in search for "business", with his sister by his side. In reality, he's just going off, killing any target Lacrimosa gives him when in Hotel Maribel. (Mirabel Hotel?? HELP???)
When his father died, so did a piece of him, his sister and mother. His mother became rather abusive, and a belligerent drunk.
His first kill was unfortunately his mother one night, when she was hitting Silas and Raquelle, ultimately hurting them. When Silas killed his mother, it was fourteen years ago, when he was fifteen.
He is very protective of his sister, and very understanding to her mental struggles. He tries his best to be present.
His comfort food is Cassoulet! It's a French stew that includes Haricot beans with meat: you can use pork, sausages, goose, duck, lamb or mutton for the meat portion!
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He would happily kill for his sister, and die for her too. That's just a given.
He collects daggers, classic literature, and also eyeliner.
ROLES/PURPOSE/OTHER STUFF:
He is the left hand man for Lacrimosa, and often works with Mandisa too.
He's the supporting antagonist, though I do see him more as an anti-hero.
Once he's in the right group of people, he is that ball of energy, yet at the same time he's such a sweetheart deep down...if it weren't counting on his multiple murders. While he's a sweetheart, this does NOT condone his behavior. He is still technically a bad person since he murdered a lot of people.
Cyanide is his poison of choice: quick, effective, deadly. He would then use any weapon (knife, gun, pool stick, any potentially dangerous object in the room) and kill his target.
If it were 2023, his song would be UH OH! by Sub Urban and BENEE.
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^my entire thought process when Silas
buuuuut yeah!!! This is my boy Silas Tueuse, whom I love, and is near and dear to my heart. He deserves a good mother figure in his life :<
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lawssword · 4 years
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No one asked but heres an itemized list of the little things I love about hamilton that you cant get from the soundtrack alone
The spinning stage (it just offers really cool visuals)
The fact that King Greorge III is still exiting the stage at the start of Right Hand Man.
The way Eliza leans over Angelica on the spiny stage while singing about Hamilton's letters
Philip Schuyler's reaction to the little dance thing Hamilton is doing after he gives his blessing in Helpless
The way Eliza's hair is done it's just so cute
The only time the spiny stage moves counter clockwise is the "rewind" part of Satisfied.
The way Laurens, Lafayette, and mulegen are dancing right before Burr enters in Story Of Tonight (Reprise)
The entire ensemble. Every single one of them, especially the girl with the fluffy chunk of hair that hangs over her eyes/forehead.
The way the ensemble is very still during singles like Wait For It and other really serious parts when they're very active in the rest of the musical.
Seriously the girl in ensemble with the fluffy hair, (she was the bullet in Stay Alive and during Burr and Hamiltons Duel) anyway I want to marry her.
The ensemble carried this entire show and that's why ALL of their arms are so defined.
The fact that Eliza is visibly pregnant in That Would Be Enough (I didn't notice this when i saw the musical live in Seattle back in 2018 tbh I'm not sure if they even did that in that particular showing it wasnt the original cast)
The use of the upper stage thing that shit is dope af
THE WAY ARRON BURR JUMPS UP ON THE RAILING IN GUNS AND SHIPS
The way the ensemble takes the letter Washington wrote to Hamilton in Guns and Ships
Can someone please get the fluffy hair girls name I tried looking and I cannot find her
The fact that Daveed Diggs and Athony Ramos just let their hair down after Act One and theyre different characters, while they just keep taking stuff off Okieriete Onaodowan's head.
The way everyon is standing on something at the end of The Battle of Yorktown. Even the ensemble
I FOUND THE FLUFFY HAIR GIRL HER NAME IS ARIANA DEBOSE AND I LOVE HER
The entire stage tech in Hamilton (must have lost their minds trying to deal with this shit and they deserve everything in the world. )
The fact that Burr and Hamilton are the only ones on stage in Dear Theodosia.
The transition to Lauren's Interlude
The way Hamilton's smile disintegrates after he finds out what happened to Lauren's
The visible frustration on Burrs face everytime he talks about Hamilton's accomplishments
Burr's face in all of Non-Stop
Hamiltoms little footsteps in the "I was chosen for the constitutional convention" part
The fact that they just use a board in Non-Stop as a desk when they have actual desks in every other part of the show.
The way Hamilton smiles at Washington in Non-Stop when he says "Let's Go"
The fact that Thomas Jefferson is in a pink velvet suit.
The fact that Lin-Manuel Miranda got Daveed Diggs to agree to wear that suit.
The way Daveed Diggs portrays Jafferson is just, absolutely superb
The fact that Madison catches Jeffersons Mic drop in Cabinet Battle #1 (ik the stage crew would have killed the director over that if it hit the ground)
The fact that Eliza is beat boxing for Philip in Take A Break
Burr dancing in The Room Where It Happens
The table cloth yank in The Room Where is Happens. Leslie give me your secrets how did you not fall??
Seriously the Hamilton cast likes to stand on tables
"YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND-" As Hamilton jumps in cabinet battle #2
The way Madison taps his chest when he says "Which I wrote" in Washington on your side
The way Burr, Madison, and Jefferson kick their feet in "SOUTHERNMOTHERFUCKINGDEMOCRATICREPUBLICANS"
The ensemble, again
Why is Washington the only one with a mic on his ear
Hand quotations King George does with "country" in I Know Him
The way King George looks at Ariana DeBose then says "John Adams"
King George just vibing in The Adam's Administration
Hamilton dropping a stack of papers in The Adam's Administration
This list is getting long so expect a part 2
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tommytranselo · 2 years
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for the ask game uhm uhm all the even numbers >:3
god why are you like this
2. Who are your favorite characters and why? oh, god, so many.  in no particular order: vito–look, he’s gay, he’s sad, he’s afraid of becoming his father, he’s got All That going on with regards to maturity and masculinity and success (he’s trans your honor), i have no choice but to love him.  nicki for similar reasons–the devs really loved gays with daddy issues huh.  paulie since he’s so desperate for people to care about his ideas and feels like he’s never taken seriously (and he’s funny).  henry bc...i don’t know, honestly, he just did something to my brain.  lincoln bc he’s a) in general incredibly well written and b) strikes a good balance between being caring and ruthless when the time comes for it.  tommy bc he was a fun protagonist to play and gave me gender euphoria lmao, and he’s a good friend.  alma bc she’s cool as hell :)
4. Which character is scarily close to how you act? paulie, probably–i am also constantly rambling about ideas that might seem a bit of a stretch.  henry in the sense of going into things with no backup plan and without fully thinking them through.
6. What were your favorite songs from each Mafia game? i don’t know the names of a lot of songs in mafia DE, but “st. james infirmary” by cab calloway and “sing you sinners” by the high hatters for sure–and honestly, the main theme holds a special place in my heart.  from mafia 2, definitely “900 miles” by billy merman (god i’m so mad it’s not on spotify!), “got my mojo working” by muddy waters (one of my favorite songs of all time), and every little richard song on the soundtrack.  mafia 3 is nearly impossible to pick bc i’m a huge fan of 1960s music (and i knew probably at least half the songs already), but it did introduce me to “palisades park” by freddy cannon, which always has me sitting in my car waiting for the rest of it to finish.  “lil red riding hood” by sam sham and the pharoahs, “we gotta get out of the place” by the animals, and (basic though it is) “somebody to love” by jefferson airplane are among my other favorites.
8. Which character shares your sense of fashion? joe barbaro for sure, and thomas burke by extension (i am partial to blue jeans and boots).  tommy angelo but especially the cabbie outfit.
10. If you could give a hug to any character(s), who would they be? henry for sure i know the poor man needs it.  probably vito too.  and nicki <3 my best friend nicki burke from the computer screen
12. Which character(s) do you think you would get along with? paulie for sure, infodumping solidarity.  definitely nicki, almost certainly tommy as well (i feel like he’d be easy to get along with in general).  probably vito too–i vibe strongly with his character and he seems like a chill dude to hang out with.
14. If you could meet any character and just ask them anything you’ve always wanted to know, who would that character be? Along with the question(s) you would ask. hm...honestly–why’d you do it, sam?  was it really worth betraying your friends?  what did you think was gonna happen?
16. What was the funniest glitch you came across while playing/watching someone play Mafia? the progress bar broke the first time i did the burke recruitment mission so i ended up driving way worse than i needed to, and i tried to drive off a ledge thinking that’d get us somewhere...it was the side of a bridge and we fell in the river and died.  also anything that launches the cars cracks me tf up without fail.
18. You only get to slap one character from the whole Mafia trilogy. Who would that character be? (Only one! So choose wisely.) REMY DUVALL no explanation needed
20. Which characters would you like to see swap personalities or even roles? honestly i think this was your idea originally but mafia 2 role swap au with older, grizzled vito and joe as the mentors to young henry and luca.  also this doesn’t really count but that au where henry and luca work for the moretti family.
22. What character gets a lot of hate but you secretly like? Or not so secretly like and why? luca gurino.  he was a solid villain and the way he saw through vito’s naivety was interesting!  i wish they’d done more with him.
24. A scene that you can’t help but laugh at every single time. the cutscene where you escape leo’s house.  henry’s “fuckin’ shit!” and little bounce will never not be funny
26. A head-canon that you haven’t shared yet. i don’t think i’ve said this but vito definitely has tinnitus/hearing damage from the war.  no i am not projecting what are you talking about
28. Some things you dislike about Mafia and why? i haven’t played the original first game and afaik this wasn’t as much of an issue there, but everything else has felt kind of incomplete?  fuckall to do in mde free ride, short story with a lot of plot holes and no free ride at all in m2, grindy side missions and awkward camerawork with certain cutscenes in m3 (though honestly i think 3 had the most to do on the map).  the racism in mafia 2 is an issue as well (and not just in terms of how the characters act, but how the narrative itself treats it as a joke).  and a lot of the fanbase outside of tumblr–oh, lord, do not look at the comments on any mafia 3 trailer...
30. What is one thing you’d like to say to the Mafia fandom before the year comes to a close? idk why the fandom suddenly blew up this past week or so but it’s been extremely fun, y’all are so cool, and i’m so glad we’re all fixated on these old games together <3
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pub-lius · 2 years
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May I ask why you don't think Thomas Jefferson was straight
oh that's a joke
i think, i can't remember
i mean idk i haven't really put any thought into it, but it definitely seems like he was straight based off purely historical evidence...
....but he does give fruity vibes
IM SORRY HE JUST DOES like
he just seems fruity, idk what to tell you
thomas jefferson was sus.
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moosoobi · 4 years
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Bon Appetit, darlin’
~T.Jeff : Hamilton the Musical
First time writing lol. I mean don’t be so harsh because my confidence is made of glass but please let me know what you think. Here’s a few things that you can expect while reading:
fluff
good boyfriend Thomas that we wished existed
Y/N lowkey being a top LMAO
word count: 1359 (?) dunno how this works
probably a few spelling errors because now that school is online I resort to autocorrect 
A/N: I do nOT SUPPORT REAL LIFE THOMAS JEFFERSON >:( . Stan Daveed Diggs who plays Thomas in Hamilton the musical.
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Y/N sat on the tiny sofa in her grandma’s room. Out of all 6 of her cousins, she was the chosen one to watch over her grandma for a few days. She was surrounded by textbooks which she deemed unimportant, her collection of expensive Japanese stationary placed on top where her last sentence had ended. The room was filled with Christmas music that was a few months too early. Unable to drown out the carols, Y/N crocheted a cozy magenta cardigan for her boyfriend to wear, when the Christmas music WAS appropriate.
Loop by loop, Y/N inserted and pulled her crochet hook to create new loops. Of course she was no where near finished. Every now and then she would feel the remorse for her text books and continue to work on her doomed English work, this was very rare of course. The sound of a car pulling into a drive way seemed to help drown out the cries of winter music, but Y/N thought nothing of it. Perhaps her neighbors went out and about the city of New York, unlike Y/N who hasn’t left the house in what felt like days.
Her hands ached from writing and crocheting. Finally giving up, Y/N set down the labyrinth of yarn and adjusted her position next to her frail grandma, who was fast asleep. She glanced up at the clock. 11:30 pm.
“Great.”
She groaned with annoyance. Bored, scrappy, and hungry, and the pain of guilt for her lonely textbook was just what she needed on a Thursday night.
Sticking one leg out her blanket in attempt to cool down her body, Y/N covered her eyes with her arm in attempt to find her happy place. Exhausted from her long days of school work. Just when Y/N felt like the luxury of sleep was in her grasp, her phones dreadful ding went off.
Ah yes, that sound when you get a text message. It’s either your savior or your worse nightmare, but you’ll never know unless you choose to pick up your phone. If Y/N wasn’t next to her grandma during her slumber, she might’ve screamed in agony when she heard that dreadful tone, but she managed to keep her cool. When she glanced at her screen her annoyance faded away and was replaced with a smile.
1 message from: Tommy 💕😼🥐
Now she had no choice but open it, I mean why wouldn’t she?
Tommy 💕😼🥐: come outside
Y/N tilted her head. Really Thomas? Not a good time
Y/N: excuse me what?
Tommy💕😼🥐: you know I don’t like to repeat myself, sweetheart <3
Y/N: I already told you that I’m on grandma duty tonight
Tommy💕😼🥐: c'mon darlin’ a few minutes won’t hurt
Tommy💕😼🥐 : I promise you won’t regret it ;)
Y/N sighed. Of course she wouldn’t throw away an opportunity to see him. Arising slowly from the firm mattress, Y/N tried her best not to shake the bed in fear of waking up her grandma.
Her hips and knees cracked at the pressure of standing up. She slid on her fuzzy slippers and made her way to the hallway, acting like a spy on a secret mission. Her steps echoed throughout the still house.
 After making it to her living room, she could see a bright rays shining through her window. Y/N couldn’t help but feel the butterflies rise in her stomach when she opened the front door.
Thomas’s black car was idle in her drive way. Her eyes felt relief as his car lights turned off as he exited the car. Thomas was stunning in his striped turtleneck, paired with a coat to accommodate the cold fall weather. He pranced over to the front door with a smile plastered on his face, holding a plastic bag in his left hand, a series of ‘THANK YOU’s printed in red ink covering the front of the bag. 
“So you were the car annoying the neighborhood at 11:30 at night?” Y/N asked sarcastically, a smirk forming on her face. Thomas rolled his eyes while he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “And here I thought you’d be happy to see me, darlin’”. Y/N enlaced her fingers with his as she led him to the table
“Of course I am, but why are you here? I know you didn’t come to help me take my grandma to the bathroom” Y/N pulled a chair for him to sit, pulling an reverse card on Thomas’ chivalry. “I know how busy you are when you’re here, so I just wanted to get something for you” Thomas stuck his hand into the crinkling bag and pulled out two cups. Both were various shades of swirling brown tea accompanied with tiny tapioca pearls that drifted to the bottom of the cup.
“I got you some tea.” Thomas said proudly “never tried it before but I remember you got some with Angie last month so I assumed-” Y/N cut him off with a hug. She smiled into the crook of his neck while he wrapped his arms around her, cups still in hand.
“Have I ever told you that you’re amazing, Jefferson?” Y/N held back her excitement.
“All the time sweetheart.” Thomas smirked as he felt his ego grow just a little bit bigger. Even Y/N wasn’t sure that was possible with how big Thomas’ ego was when they first started talking. Pulling away from the hug, Thomas set the cups on the table.
“I ALSO got you some noodles while I was at the shop” Thomas turned to Y/N as she gazed up at him in amazement. “What? They were cheap, I couldn’t resist seeing your smile” he teased, setting down two boxes of noodles onto the lace table cloth. Thomas finally sat down on his chair and rubbed his hands together. Y/N’s smile remained present on her face as she pulled and sat on her own chair.
“Bon appetite, darlin’”
——————————————————————
After the couple ate, they relaxed on her couch, Thomas laying comfortably in Y/N’s lap, comforted by the warmth of her arms. Y/N’s phone let off a ding. Knowing it wasn’t Thomas texting her, she deemed it unimportant. Thomas was evidently eyeing the phone every time that sound rung, growing more anxious every time. Who would text her at this time? Besides Thomas of course.
“How was work?” Y/N attempted to change the attention, her fingers tangled in Thomas’ majestic hair. Let’s be real, who could resist his hair? Thomas opened his eyes, staring up at Y/N from her lap and shrugged. “ ‘nother argument with Hamilton” he scoffed. Y/N giggled at his response. “Tommy, Hamilton’s not so bad, maybe-” Y/N was cut off by Thomas’ disbelief “I know I did not just come all the way over here Y/N for you to side with that dipshit”
Y/N laughed as she removed her hand from Thomas’ head to retrieve her tea. Whining, Thomas pouted and waited for her hand to come back, but it never did. Thomas shot up to see Y/N’s eyes glued to her phone. “Hello! I’m right here y’know!” Y/N’s gaze landed on Thomas’ for only a moment, and eventually fell back on her phone “Yeah hold on, Lafayette wont stop texting me after he discovered what a GIF is” she laughed, taking sips of the swirling tea in her shiny, plastic cup. Thomas could feel his jealousy begin to rise.  
“c’mon Thomas, you know how close Laf and I are, don’t give me all these jealous vibes from you.” her eyes were piercing straight through Thomas. She could look through him as if he were glass. The pout was still evident on his face, unable to maintain eye contact with her powerful glare. Ironic isn’t it? Y/N huffed out a short laugh and set down her drink. “Fine, let me prove it to you then.” 
5 minutes had passed.
Of course they spent it aggressively teasing each other, who wouldn't? Just when things began to get a little too heated, the baby monitor next to the couch, which she used to listen for her grandma, flashed on. 
“Y/nnnnn, can you help me to the bathroom?” it blasted
Y/N pulled back from Thomas’s grasp, “Well that’s my signal” 
fin.
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i-am-become-a-clown · 3 years
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guys. kotlc is literally the perfect characters to cast as Hamilton.
Sophie: duh Hamilton the main character with like, A BAJILLION LOVE INTERESTS
Fitz: Eliza, from a good family, likes blue, is kinda Sophie’s primary love interest
Keefe: ANGELICA! This sweet boy literally was staying away from Sophie because of his best friend. Also he’s smart.
Linh: Laurens. shes one of Sophie’s best friends. (and maybe more-) she’s also the definition of a cinnamon roll and look at Laurens. they are one in the same.
Biana: Lafayette because they give off the same vibe. Just think about it! Their vibes match.
Marella: HERCULES MULLIGAN! Because she can be also she’s an essential part of the team but is often forgotten.
Tam: and Peggy. I will accept no questions or criticism for this answer.
Dex: forgive me for all the sins i am about to commit by saying: Maria reynolds. it’s only cause he had a crush in her and kissed her once. Please forgive me ik he is also the purest of cinnamon rolls.
Forkle: Washington. He’s like the general of the black swan, right? Great now I have an image of Biana aggressively screaming at forkle YOU GOTTA GET YOUR RIGHT HAND MAN BACK
Councilor Alina: she’s Aaron burr. She decived us and made us believe she was on Sophies side but is just straight up evil.
Bronte: Thomas Jefferson. He was initially a jerk to Sophie but wasn’t straight up evil and didn’t kill her
Stina: James Madison Again, In the first book she kind of uses the same things Bronte uses to insult Sophie, just not as much, and on a smaller level.
Iggy, Silveny, and Ella: Philip. They are all Sophie’s children.
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quillsink · 3 years
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I’m coming to taint your inbox by making you be decisive. I also non-consecutively listed the names for extra chaos >:)
John or Alexander?
Washington or Howe?
Lafayette or Meade?
Martha W or Martha M?
Adams or Jefferson?
Eliza S-H or Abigail A?
Your favourite John that isn’t Laurens?
Your favourite underrated amrev person?
A mutual you would like to meet irl?
One thing you wish you could change about the world?
And finally: take a stab at who this is :) I wasn’t originally going to send it in as anon, but for maximum chaos I decided too.
HAHAHAH LMAOO LETS DO THIS
....That’s hard, but I’d have to say John. I like both of them but like, John. Come on guys. No but like Alex too and NO INK WE’RE BEING DECISIVE, IT’S JOHN
Listen yall I’m a patriot, Washington 100%, though I do like the chaos vibes Howe gives off.
....Damn you anon, why must I choose between Lafayette and Meade. Ughhhh this is so hARD DAMMIT FINE, MEADE. LAFAYETTE IS PRECIOUS BUT I LIKE MEADE’S HUMOUR OK I APOLOGISE I STILL LOVE LAFAYETTE DON’T COME AT ME
I’m assuming you mean Washington or Manning, so I’d have to pick Washington. I know next to nothing about both of them, but Martha W seemed pretty badass so her :)
DAMMIT THATS A HARD ONE okay in terms of who I like better, Adams, since was a less shitty human being than Thomas, but in terms of who I find more interesting to study Jefferson.
I don’t know much about Abigail BUT WE STAN ELIZA SCHUYLER IN THIS HOUSE YALL, SHE DESERVED BETTER THAN THE ASSHOLE THAT IS ALEXANDER HAMILTON
*blinks* Um. Adams maybe? Yeah hes the only John other than Laurens that I know about from sources other than tumblr shitposts
Is Nathan Hale underrated? I feel like he gets a lot of attention for spying but not many people study him like, in depth.
If not, RICHARD KIDDER MEADE. HE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE LOVE. MAN WAS HILARIOUS, THERE IS A POSSIBILITY HE KNEW ABOUT LAMS, THE LETTERS BETWEEN HIM AND HAMILTON ARE SO FUCKING PURE HE NEEDS MORE LOVE
Oh god, this is h a r d. Can I choose all? Ok but if I had to choose, definitely my Damon @crazychlo08 she was my first mutual (we already knew each other frm discord tho) so yeah, def her.
No LGBTQ+ phobia. I don’t want to have to fight for my basic right to literally exist and be who I am.
Hmmm. Is it @chaoticinnamonroll?
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dead-fandom-society · 4 years
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Rating US Presidents Based on Whether I’d Fuck Them
Disclaimer: this is not a serious post. I am fully aware that most of these men were terrible people. this list does not focus on policy.
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1. George Washington
He was an army general so he probably had a nice body, but he also had slave teeth in his mouth which is a massive turn off. Not to mention this was the 1700s and people weren’t very clean. Maybe if he took a shower and got new teeth 5/10
2. John Adams
Weird hairstyle. Bald on top but too much on the sides so he just looks insane. Chubby. Literally made criticizing the government a crime. I hate him. 1/10 if I was given a lot of money
3. Thomas Jefferson
terf bangs and terrible sense of style. In his portrait he looks like he’d call me a slur and then laugh about it. Giving him 1 point for being tall, 1 point for being rich, and 1 point for writing the Declaration of Independence 3/10
4. James Madison
Small and sickly. Always ill and had epileptic seizures. Had a piss kink, -3 points for nastiness. Kind of looks like a sheep. However, I get the feeling he was cleaner than most of the other founding fathers which shoots him up to 3/10 with an extra pity point since he’s basically a freaky make-a-wish kid
5. James Monroe
Weird chin. Looks kinda stuck up but otherwise not terribly unnattractive. 4/10
6. John Quincy Adams
Quincy is a stupid name. Related to John Adams but somehow was more decent. Kind of a disappointment, so who’s to say that doesn’t extend to sex? Kind of handsome when he was young 3/10
7. Andrew Jackson
This motherfucker. This motherfucker was horribly racist and was the first president to garner a cult-mentality. He was also from Tennessee. Dweeby looking. However, he does get points for probably having a nice body considering his military service and being very pretty 6/10
8. Martin Van Buren
Looks like Old Deuteronomy’s human-sona. However, he does have a very handsome looking face under all of that beard. 3/10 if he shaved and was a little younger
9. William Henry Harrison
Not bad looking. Big nose. Also kinda old. 5/10 if he was younger
10. John Tyler
Looks like he’s deficient in every nutrient. 3/10 if he had a protein shake and a big burger.
11. James K. Polk
This man has a VERY pretty face. However, he’s got a very weird hairline. His support for slavery is also a turnoff. 6/10 if he got a better haircut and wasn’t racist
12. Zachary Taylor
Handsome. Died from exhaustion and eating too many cherries, which is a total mood. 6/10
13. Millard Fillmore
His name reminds me of a duck. I’m pretty sure I would beat him up if he went to my school. Looks like a dweeb. 2/10
14. Franklin Pierce
Look at this handsome man. That pensive stare and beautifully sculpted jawline. He is probably the first one on this list that is genuinely fuckable by choice. Deducted a point because of course he’s racist. smh why can’t we have nice things 9/10
15. James Buchanan
He looks so sad in every single portrait painted of him, I kind of feel bad :(. Not terrible looking. 4/10
16. Abraham Lincoln
Ok. He was tall and fit. His assassination location also implies that he liked the theater. Overall very handsome man. REALLY nice facial structure. This is self explanatory. 8/10.
17. Andrew Johnson
Gives me kind of bulldog-ish vibes. Otherwise, not bad looking. 3/10 I really have nothing else to say he’s kinda bland
18. Ulysses S. Grant
Ulysses is a cool as fuck name. He fought on the side of the union in the civil war too, which is very, very sexy of him. Usually I’m not one to like facial hair, but this guy rocks it. 8/10
19. Rutherford B. Hayes
Like his predecessor, Rutherford is also a really fucking sick name. His abolitionism is very sexy of him. 6/10 if he shaved his stanky looking beard differently
20. James A. Garfield
Again with the stanky ass beards. Shave it and you’ll be a 5/10
21. Chester A. Arthur
Chester is a stupid name. Can you imagine fucking a guy named Chester?? Can you imagine moaning the name Chester? I cannot. He also had a fucking unibrow and one of those beards that make old guys look like cats. 2/10
22. Grover Cleveland
He reminds me of the British walrus from Ice Age. 1/10 very rotund
23. Benjamin Harrison
Would be very handsome if he shaved and worked out just a little. 4/10 he has a lot of potential
24. Grover Cleveland
This bitch again. See 22.
25. William McKinley
You could make a Minecraft skin out of this guy and you wouldn’t even have to change anything about him. Very square head, nice side profile. Kinda chubby. Has potential. 2/10
26. Theodore Roosevelt
I don’t agree with a lot of the things he did, but this man was a badass motherfucker. I don’t even care that he looks like a chubby mustachioed nerd, he’s cool as hell. 6/10
27. William Howard Taft
Meet the globglologlab. Was so large that he got stuck in the White House bathtub and it deadass had to be replaced. He’d probably crush me into a bone and organ smoothie. Also from Ohio. 1/10
28. Woodrow Wilson
Woodrow is a stupid name, but otherwise he’s ok. Kind of a twink. Also kinda dig the nerdy look, really cute. 7/10
29. Warren G. Harding
This man needs to show me his brow routine, because I wish mine were as thick as his. Handsome looking face. 5/10 if he was younger
30. Calvin Coolidge
He looks like he’d call me a slur and then lecture me about Bitcoin or some shit. Nice facial structure, lack of eyebrows is off putting. 5/10
31. Herbert Hoover
He wasn’t bad looking when he was young. Kinda chubby. 4/10
32. Franklin D. Roosevelt
He looks very kind. I’d hang out with him. If he was younger, 7/10
33. Harry S. Truman
Okay, I’ll admit upon first glance at the round glasses I was about to unload with rat-related insults. However, he looks very polite and actually has potential to be fuckable and has a nice facial structure. 6/10
34. Dwight D. Eisenhower
He reminds me of a frog. Why is his mouth so large. 4/10 because I like frogs
35. John F. Kennedy
John fucking Fitzgerald Kennedy. The president that had hordes of screaming fangirls that I can assure you I would have been a part of. I can go on and on about him. This man was THE sexiest president, hands down. Look at his hair. Look at his face and his physique. His POSTURE. The amount of charisma he had despite sickness. The fact that he actually knew what the fuck he was saying when he spoke and he did it with CONFIDENCE. The fact that he served in the navy in wwii and you KNOW 1940s navy boys are PRETTY. He went to prep school and Harvard AND he was from New England AND he died tragically the man was essentially a dark academia dream boy. Not to mention that SMILE. I can listen to his accent for hours. He is gorgeous. He is beautiful. Hnngggd he’s so fuckking sexy 20/10 I would peg him so goddamn hard
36. Lyndon B. Johnson
In terms of sexiness, Kennedy’s vice is a massive step down. 3/10
37. Richard Nixon
He has an okay face I guess. 4/10
38. Gerald Ford
Again, has a nice face. He was very attractive in younger pictures. 7/10
39. Jimmy Carter
Pretty good president, overall a really good dude. Handsome face. 8/10 if he was younger because he’s like 90 now and that’s a little weird
40. Ronald Reagan
Made republicans into nasty little creatures. I hate him. However, he isn’t terribly ugly in his presidential picture. He gives me weirdly attractive 60yo. sugar daddy with a boat vibes I don’t fucking know 6/10
41. George H.W. Bush
Looks very polite, was handsome in younger portraits. Army vet. 6/10
42. Bill Clinton
Looks like a genderbent Karen. Has an oddly punchable face. He also gets points off for being from Arkansas and cheating on his wife 5/10
43. George W. Bush
Looks like his father, handsome. Don’t really know how I feel about him otherwise, 6/10
44. Barack Obama
Obama is one of the three on this list that I would definitely be down for. He’s tall, fit, respectable, and overall conventionally attractive. 9/10
45. Donald J. Trump
I’m pretty sure that Donald Trump is the most unfuckable “human” being that has ever disgraced our miserable little world. I can’t imagine so much as touching him with a 100 foot pole if it meant curing me of death. For someone who was wealthy for all of his life, you’d think he’d have better taste when it comes to clothing, hair, and the stolen animatronic faces that he chooses to wear. Thinking of him naked in bed makes my already concave genitals cave in further. Wretched, dirty little man deserving of no respect. He’s never pleased any of his wives, and he’s never even pleased the prostitutes he’s hired and taken advantage of because no person would have sex with him without incentive (and even with the promise of great sums of money he would still make me want to regurgitate my innards and bleach them). He is the personification of celibacy. I hate him. It’s difficult to express concisely the amount of vehement disdain I hold for him. I’m not even religious and he makes me want to become a nun. -20/10.
46. Joseph R. Biden
Have you seen pictures of this man when he was young? Goddamn. I’d let him absolutely rail me if he wasn’t currently 80. 9/10
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wesokkasimp · 3 years
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favorite musicals/plays of a:tla characters
aang: would genuinely love Hello, Dolly! SO MUCH. he really likes the ‘you can find love at any age!’ message. whenever it came to town/got on broadway again he’s first in line for tickets. Annie is a close second though.
katara: i’m getting Matilda vibes from her. is always very impressed by the kids singing performance and always gives them a standing ovation. probably resonates with Matilda a little (-abusive household) tbh. also really likes Anastasia!
sokka: HEATHERS HEATHERS 100% HEATHERS!! he definitely sings all the songs at the top of his lungs in the car but will get so angry if anyone sings along during the performance. he likes the movie more (who doesn’t) but is still a big fan of the musical. i can also see him liking Something Rotten?
toph: i could actually see toph enjoying musicals since the big appeal are the songs. this is kind of a hard one but maybe The Producers? she would probably like Max Bialystock (con artist and all) and would really like the Along Came Bialy number. i could see her as an overall Mel Brooks fan honestly. would pretend to hate Cats but lowkey enjoys it.
zuko: very into classic broadway shows. favorite is probably Les Misérables, i can’t explain it he just loves it. favorite song is Red and Black (i am projecting leave me alone) if you thought sokka got mad when other people sing during the performance, zuko is even worse. will wait until the act is over and then chew out whoever was singing and will complain about them the whole ride home. his second fave is Phantom of the Opera.
suki: she likes The Play that Goes Wrong, as she should tbh that show was funny af. is cracking up the whole show but no ones even mad because she has such a nice laugh (i’m not debating on this argue with your wall). also probably likes Aladdin? idk she’s giving me that vibe.
iroh: likes a lot of niche shows, probably likes Tommy. i can see him being into 60′s music in general so when they started performing the album as a musical he was ecstatic. also likes City of Angels.
azula: ...hamilton. she made miku binder thomas jefferson posts in middle school too. yeah, she’s THAT hamilton fan. takes everything in the show as fact, is convinced hamilton is the best musical of all time. she doesn’t get another musical she likes because she refuses to watch another. 
mai: also likes Phantom of the Opera. she’s jus into the creepy vibes of it, man. she got a signed playbill from ty lee for her birthday and it is now her prized possession. she also likes West Side Story.
ty lee: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!! cmon shes a sucker for love musicals! she saves up each time she goes and has a bunch of merch from the show. she also really likes Anastasia! ig she’s just a sucker for princess musicals.
a/n: i have not seen all of these but i know the general plot please don’t flame me if somethings a little off. sorry for the wall of tags oh my
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matssonsblood · 4 years
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- Part One(?)-
Okay but like a modern jeffmads au fic where they are vintage as fuck. Hear me out! James is like the soft old soul record player and dusty old books kind of vintage and Thomas is just like,, a fucking dramatic classy little fucker with like ballrooms and violins kind of vintage.
Thomas is (of course) the sassy asshole we love and know and he just moved in next to James and one day Thomas is storming towards James’s direction and unfortunately for James Thomas sees him and literally demands for him to hand over a sharpie, which he does with a squeak and a yelp and drops all his stuff. He literally grabs the sharpie and bolts out yelling curses like a mad man and James is just sitting there petrified.
Thomas returns with a black eye but he’s smiling really wide like a lunatic and so he sits next to James and neither of them say anything. Then out of nowhere Thomas starts rambling to him about how some guy named Alexander something was being a prick and so Thomas wrote on him because he was practically begging for it. In which resulted in Alexander tackling him and them both fighting each other like a bunch of four year olds. Poor James is sitting there so confused and he wants to leave but he’s unsure if the guy next to him would let him.
Eventually Thomas stops talking, gives James back his sharpie, and walks away giddily. James walks home hoping he’ll never see that guy again.
(Hint: He does)
I like to think it’d be in the public on a sidewalk James is just trying to speed walk away from Thomas who is chasing after him and eventually he gets cornered by Thomas, who then gives his name and basically talks James ear off the whole time. James is very obviously ready to lose his shit but he (thankfully) doesn’t. Instead when he makes it to his apartment they part ways and that seems to be the end. James doesn’t see Thomas again for weeks and he thinks he got rid of the guy.
Hah, nope.
The next time they meet James is sick and Thomas knocked on his door all chipper but then James opened the door and he looks like a mess, he’s got bags under his eyes and his eyes are puffy and he keeps on sneezing and coughing. Thomas of course gets all worried but James waves him off (he’s clearly annoyed) telling him this happens all the time. Thomas complains how he would never be able to live a life where he was sick. James thinks that it’d be better if Thomas was sick. Of course he doesn’t say that.
Thomas basically forces his way inside and insists that he stay to “keep James company”. After a while of talking (mostly Jefferson) they somehow end up moving onto musicals.
Note: Both of them are huge musical fans.
And then they get into this whole argument about the best musicals and they’re both really passionate about it and Thomas stands up all dramatically and is like “you’ll see!” and then storms out with flair. 
Thomas comes back the next day and they both watch musicals on his computer and they find they don’t really mind each other’s favorites that much. James finds that Thomas is actually pretty tolerable. 
Notes:
- Both of them are big musical fans and both get really passionate about it
- James can be a snarky little shit when he wants to
- Thomas never stops talking
- At first, they’re not really friends but soon enough to do end up become them. (And maybe more?)
- Big bi vibe from Thomas, big gay vibe from James
- As always, Thomas is way taller than James and whenever the topic is even slightly mentioned he starts grinning really widely but before he can start talking James cuts his off with a sharp “no”.
- Might make another part of this? Someone could claim this plot if they’re interested in writing it on Ao3 because I’m sure as hell gonna somehow fuck up if I try writing it.
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Hamilton as Beauty and the Beast Characters
I was watching beauty and the Beast last night and I couldn't stop thinking about Hamilton (per usual) and the more I thought about it the more I could see the characters as the characters in The movie so I wrote it down... Half asleep.... At three o'clock... This is going to be a disaster.. and gay
1 Alex is totally Belle.
The attitude the confidence it's all here! Belle always wanted to go and have some big adventure while Alex actually succeeded Belle loves to read, Alex loves to write etc! There's just so much that reminds me of Alex!
2. Jefferson as Gaston
Told you it was gay. Idk that moment where Belle is like we could never make each other happy no one can change that much reminded me of Alex and Jefferson. Also Gaston is totally full of himself and Thomas definitely gives off those vibes at times.
3. James Madison as Lefou
This one isn't a surprise. If Jefferson is Gaston his colleague and friend has to be Lefou. But that's not the only reason I chose Madison for that role. Lefou's "Gaston" song really reminded me of how good of a team Jefferson and Madison is. They team up and defend each other in cabinet battles and they might even hang out outside of work. (One of my favorite moments between the two of them is in the Hamilton mixtape "Cabinet battle iii" were Alex calls out Thomas saying that without slaves he wouldn't find his Mistresses only for James to state a few minutes later "And as for slandering Jefferson with talk about Mistresses do you really wanna really wanna have that conversation?") James and Thomas is just a good team overall.
4. Aaron Burr as beast
I don't really know what 3 o'clock me was thinking but I'll try to find enough evidence to back it up lol. Aaron Burrs parents died so he went to live with his uncle if his uncle was a bad influence maybe Aaron could have turned out differently. Alex and Aaron had a rivalry that progressed into becoming enemies overtime so I can see Alex and i can see them having the same relationship as beast and Belle if they mended their relationship. They both like to read Alex seems to be poorer then Aaron and so on.
Lumiere as Lafayette.
This was to easy. They are both french both have that hot accent, both have an L in their name!!!!! And Lumiere can probably kick just as much ass as Lafayette if he needs to.
Eliza as Mrs Potts.
Ok ok ok hear me out. Eliza is a fucking Angel right??? Mrs Potts is also a fucking Angel RIGHT??? case closed.
Chip as Philip
Philip is a sore subject for me but I had to put him in here he's absolutely perfect for chip! He's bold and adventurous and adorable and so is chip! And no I'm not making it were chip shatters at the end like he almost does in the reboot! I CAN'T GO THROUGH THAT PAIN AGAIN!!!!
Angelica as Mr. Potts (PLATONIC OF COURSE YOU SICKO'S!
I just really like the idea of Angelica living with Eliza in order to help her with rasing Philip only for her to forget Eliza and Philip exist and then remember after the spells broken and finally be reunited
I don't know wether I should make Hercules Mulligan the book keeper or John or the book keeper and I don't know wich one of them will be clogsworth you can add on or Change some things around if you like! ^^
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lawssword · 4 years
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The itemized list part two
The girl from the ensemble rolling on the floor in Hurricane 
The fact that Maria Reynolds is just dramatically sitting on spiny stage during Hurricane 
The transition to The Reynolds Pamphlet, all the ensemble jumping up into action with the beat change and the two girls getting YEETED off the ground 
The way James Reynolds jumps in front of Jefferson and Jefferson just, *steps back* *steps forward* 
Hamilton is just standing on a table accepting his fate in the background 
Lin what is your thing for tables, why must everyone stand on them all the time and always when the stage is moving 
The way Philip Hamilton is just, so upset but is completely silent, you can see it in his walk okay
Washington also looked very disappointed in Hamilton in the Reynolds Pamphlet
KING GEORGE IS JUST THERE?????? IN THE REYNOLDS PAMPHLET VIBING???? 
Really though King George is just having the time of his life in The Reynolds Pamphlet and his bright red outfit makes him stand out so much
Thomas Jefferson just, giving the director a pamphlet, I don’t think that was planned lol
How motionless Burn is, like really this could have been really quiet and angry, but it’s just still. 
Ariana Debose being an absolute queen in Blow Us All Away, seriously shes adorable 
The really slow drop Philip has after he gets shot on the spinning stage in the transition to Stay Alive (Reprise) along with the change in the lights 
The way Philip is holding onto Eliza in Stay Alive (Reprise) it breaks my heart but its so good
ELIZAS SCREAM THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT IN THE SOUND TRACK NOR WAS IT IN THE SHOWING I SAW IN 2018 WHAT THE FUCK 
All of the women in It’s Quiet Uptown are wearing black but Hamilton is the only man wearing black 
Madison with his handkerchief at the start of The Election of 1800
Madison is still wiping tears when he say “He’s not very forthcoming”
Jefferson aggressively shaking his head after Madison suggests Hamilton
Burr’s face in “Honestly it’s kind of draining” 
Burr’s face when Hamilton says “Jefferson has beliefs, Burr has none”
The Square lights at the start of Your Obedient Servant 
Burr: *sends one letter* Hamilton *sends twenty* and that is why Hamilton was Washington's right hand man and not you, Burr. 
Hamilton doesn’t have a desk in Best of Wives and Best of Women 
The fact that Samuel Seabury is the Doctor in The World Was Wide Enough
Ariana Debose being an amazing bullet
The way the stage is moving during their dual and puts Burr upstage while Hamilton has his Soliloquy 
The little twirl Anthony Ramos does going from Laurens to Philip during Hamilton’s Sililoquy
The way the ensemble lifts up Ariana Debose 
Ariana DeBose
Hamilton just goes n when Burr shoots him
Hamilton standing in the dark on the upper stage during Burr’s Soliloquy
Jefferson expression when he says “And, I tried” in Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story
I also like that the mixtape version of My Shot is the end credits song 
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Chapter 6: Lullaby in Frogland
Let’s look back. Way back. Back before the dawn of animation, before the dawn of film, well before Ruby or Spears or Disney or Iwerks or either Fleischer Brother. Back to 1835, in a town named Florida in a state named Missouri when a boy named Samuel was born.
Like Ub Iwerks, Sam was raised in Missouri. And like Max Fleischer, Sam’s family took a financial hit when his father’s work stopped (this time due to a premature death rather than the decline of tailory), giving Sam a practical approach to employment. He left school at age eleven to become a printer’s apprentice, then moved to his older brother’s newspaper as a typesetter and occasional columnist, writing humorous articles and drawing cartoons. But unlike Beatrix Potter or the animators we’ve covered, visual art wasn’t in the cards for Sam.
He moved to the East Coast to work for other papers, bouncing between cities before returning to the midwest to embark on a career he’d dreamed of since he was old enough to dream: piloting a steamboat. He thrived on the water, and kept writing about his work along the river, but everything stopped when the Civil War closed off the Mississippi. So Sam headed west to work for the same brother who once ran the newspaper, now a politician in Nevada (I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that this brother was for some reason named Orion). Sam tried mining, and it didn’t take, but he’d gotten pretty good at writing and set off for San Francisco to get back into his jocular brand of journalism. 
It was here that he had his first success, a short story published in his paper called Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog. But, like a certain frog we’ve covered in this series, Sam wasn’t huge on permanent names. Within a month, the story was reprinted as The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Jim Smiley’s name was changed to Jim Greeley. Until the book version came out, when it was changed back to Jim Smiley. And this whole time, within the story, it’s a mystery whether Jim’s real name is actually Leonidas (it turns out that it isn’t, but it might be). None of this should come as a surprise for Samuel Clemens, who wrote under the names of Josh, Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass, and most famously, Mark Twain.
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“I knew you were special.”
Over the Garden Wall is, among other things, a story about the importance of solid communication. After five episodes spent building up our heroes as a group of friends, all it takes is one episode of terrible communication to throw it all away. The specific issues vary, despite leading to a similar result of not verbalizing their thoughts very well: Greg’s youth stops him from articulating his rapidly changing ideas, Wirt’s anxiety leaves him too timid to speak up or too rambling to be clear, Beatrice’s true intentions make her obfuscate the truth, and Jason Funderburker straight-up can’t talk. Or so we think.
This time he’s named for American statesmen George Washington and Benjamin Franklin, which fits the continuing vintage Americana vibe of the series—while I figure it’s a coincidence, it should be noted that Mark Twain’s Jumping Frog was named after American statesman Daniel Webster. Surrounded by other frogs that walk around and wear fancy garb, our frog is more anthropomorphic than ever, standing on his hind legs and dancing along with Greg. But it’s still a shock to hear him open his mouth and sing, a shock that soon cedes to the realization that the frog playing the piano at the beginning of the series is singing the Jack Jones song in the montage that follows.
Lullaby in Frogland is Jason Funderburker’s episode through and through, so much so that it’s the first time we hear of his namesake, Jason Funderberker. This is an episode where Wirt rejects Greg’s assertion that their frog is “our frog,” a plot point that’s paid off in their last conversation in the series. This is an episode where Greg wonders aloud if he can be a hero, sees the frog set off on a diverging path immediately afterwards, and accepts it, because he’s willing to sacrifice his happiness for the good of others. And it’s an episode where the frog returns after a harrowing betrayal, showing that even when all seems lost, there’s still room for hope. Over the Garden Wall (the song) might not sound like a traditional lullaby, but it soothes us into a cold night as the sun sets on the first half of Over the Garden Wall (the show).
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Adelaide’s true nature is foreshadowed by Beatrice’s sudden hesitance to bring the brothers to the pasture after several episodes of nagging, but the twist is made tragic by Wirt finally letting his guard down enough to be happy. He sings a completed Adelaide Parade with Greg and joins the dance before collapsing into the most earnest laughter I’ve ever heard in a cartoon. He’s a good enough friend to notice when Beatrice is “uncharacteristically wistful,” and takes a risk by playing the bassoon instead of just giving up. He’s still got growing to do—it’s one thing to blame Greg for getting them in trouble by throwing away the ferry fare and forcing them to sneak aboard, but another thing to literally shout “Take him, not me!” when confronted by the frog fuzz—so it’s clear that his journey isn’t over yet, but he doesn’t even get a full episode of peace before everything blows up.
The whole steamboat sequence flows between simple delights, like saluting the captain mid-chase, the revelation that the frogs love music more than they hate trespassers, and the repeated gags of three gentlemen frogs snatching up flying flies and a frog mother dropping her tadpoles. Everything just feels calm, even when antics are afoot. Wirt gets to save the day with his bassooning, Greg gets to feel rewarded in his knowledge that his frog is special, Jason gets to sing a song after being silent throughout the series, and Beatrice seems, for now, to come to a sort of peace about things after several clear attempts to sidetrack the boys. This is the only episode to feature two major stories instead of one, but the steamer segment is rich enough to feel like a full episode. If only we could’ve stopped here.
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All roads lead to Twain when it comes to depictions of steamboats as a go-to American icon, which is why he preceded this discussion of Lullaby in Frogland: I’m not claiming Mickey Mouse wouldn’t have been successful if his first cartoon was about something else, but I’m certainly claiming that we wouldn’t have gotten Steamboat Willie as it was if Ub Iwerks hadn’t grown up in a Missouri whose lore was shaped by Twain’s tales of the river. But while the author is the root of the episode’s many influences, I think the most fascinating branch that we borrow from is The Princess and the Frog. 
2009 was a great year for animation, seeing the release of Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Secret of Kells, the surprisingly great Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, and the first ten minutes of Up (also the rest of Up, if I’m feeling generous). The first two on that list are my favorite of the year, twin stop-motion masterpieces that I’m always in the mood to watch, but The Princess and the Frog is a brilliant last gasp from Disney’s 2D animation studio. It isn’t the final traditionally animated film they made (that would be 2011′s Winnie the Pooh), nor the final fully sincere princess movie they made (that would be 2010′s Tangled), but it marks the beginning of the end for both trends: for better and worse, modern Disney animation feels the need to loudly subvert old tropes and wouldn’t be caught dead in two dimensions.
Lullaby in Frogland’s connection to The Princess and the Frog is certainly visible on the surface level: both feature a long sequence starring frogs on a steamboat where a lead character must pretend to be another animal and play a woodwind instrument to get out of a jam, and both involve our heroes seeking help from a wise woman far from civilization (even if only one of these women is actually helpful). But it’s the somber nostalgia factor that binds these stories closer than anything, the knowledge that this is the end of the road for this type of tale. The ferry’s gotta land somewhere, and the cold is setting in as the frogs begin hibernating for the winter, but there’s still more story to tell.
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The second story of Lullaby in Frogland is scored throughout by a haunting string and piano rendition of Adelaide Parade, and Adelaide herself is immediately captivating. John Cleese returns for the second episode in a row, but as both of these episodes aired the same night, it feels like a consistent through-line: in the first half, he’s an eccentric who might be a deranged maniac but is actually harmless, and now he’s a witch who might be harmless but is actually a deranged maniac.
Adelaide gets a compelling amount of detail for someone who’s barely in the show. We don’t get any explanation about her fatal weakness to...fresh air? Coldness in general? Either way, like the Wicked Witch of the West’s lethal reaction to water, it’s absurd that someone like her has managed to live this long. She never says what she needs a child servant for, why she has scissors that seem custom-made for Beatrice’s specific curse, or what her spider-like deal with yarn and wool is (she has a black widow hourglass on her back, but also reminds me of the Greek Fates with her emphasis on thread). We never find out how she’s connected to the Beast, whose theme bleeds into her music as she proclaims, without much prompting, that she follows his commands; her goal of using children as zombie slaves seems counter to his goal of turning them into trees to fuel his soul lantern. But this blend of unexplained characteristics and seemingly inconsistent motives only makes her more enthralling to me, because she feels like the major villain of another story who just happens to intersect with ours. 
What makes Adelaide even more compelling on rewatch is that her scissors, despite their gruesome method for curing the curse, do end up working. Which means she did mean to help Beatrice out as part of the deal. At no point does Adelaide lie, and given Beatrice knows she’s bad news as she lures the brothers in, it becomes clear that for all her villainy, Adelaide is an honest witch. I’m always down for baddies that tell the truth, but it’s of particular interest when we compare her to the Beast, whose whole deal is lying. 
The only liar in this episode is Beatrice, even if she wanted to set things straight without hurting anyone; she values her friendship with the boys so much now that she’d rather make herself a servant to Adelaide than just tell them she’s dangerous and reveal that she lied. By the time she’s willing to tell the truth, it’s too late, and not even saving Greg and Wirt by killing Adelaide is enough for Wirt to forgive her. Considering he knows in The Unknown that the scissors he uses to escape the yarn can save her family, he was also listening in on the end of the conversation before entering the house, which means he must have heard that she was willing to sacrifice herself, but that doesn’t matter either. Beatrice gave the boys hope, and no matter how badly she tried to stop it, the encounter with Adelaide transforms Wirt. Where he was once nervous and unsure, and was then briefly optimistic, he’s now sullen and untrusting.
But again, in comes Jason Funderburker, croaking and hopping on all fours once more to bring some light to the darkening series. He doesn’t do much for Wirt, but allows Greg to quickly get over whatever trauma he had about getting webbed up in yarn; he’s remarkably quiet about it, but it’s important to remember that he was betrayed, too. Whether he doesn’t understand exactly what happened or is just quicker to forgive, Greg is fine with Beatrice, allowing us to focus harder on Wirt’s reaction from now on.
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It’s all rain and winter for Wirt until the end of his adventure. But the show isn’t content to leave him even slightly forlorn: when it gets too dark, he has a frog to swallow a lantern to light the way, and when it gets too cold, he has a brother to cover him in leaves, and when he falls, he has Beatrice to help pull him back up. Even the Woodsman tries to save him in his own way (talk about folks who are bad at communication). Bad things happen, and people make mistakes, but the bigger mistake is allowing that to close you off to others, or to never forgive friends that are genuinely sorry. Our heroes have taken the ferry to the other side, and now the story can shift to one about the folly of abandoning all hope.
Where have we come, and where shall we end?
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On top of Jason Funderberker, who’s set up as a major rival to make his eventual reveal one of the show’s best jokes, Wirt gives Beatrice a general summary of Into the Unknown three episodes before we see it play out.
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chiseler · 4 years
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“All I Know Is That First, You’ve Got to Get Mad.”
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I thought I was in an unusually, even inexplicably good mood during the pandemic. That whole pre-apocalyptic vibe just set my toes to tapping. Who the hell knew things would get this wildly entertaining? I don’t know why, but the thought of cop cars ablaze just makes me a little giddy.
Wait, I take that back. I know exactly why.
I’m writing this on a Sunday morning following the third night of violent protests in New York and every other major city in the country—a night in which, among other things, an NYPD SUV intentionally plowed into a group of protesters in Brooklyn and an upstate woman was booked on federal attempted murder charges for throwing a Molotov Cocktail at a police cruiser full of cops. I suspect by the time this runs, the protests will have either burned themselves out or been crushed under the boot heel of State power. If I’m mistaken about that and things are still rolling merrily along, well then shut my mouth for being a pessimist. And if all I write here is old news by the time you read it, I apologize, though it’s worth repeating.
The mistake everyone in the media made when reporting on the spreading violence was insisting all the carnage was in direct reaction to the murder of George Floyd by four Minneapolis cops.
WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
Do you honestly think the riots in goddamn Des Moimnes and Salt Lake City had anything to do with George Floyd? Bullshit. The Flloyd murder was merely the immediate excuse, the long-overdue spark that ignited a pile of dry kindling that had been growing for the past thirty years. It was a perfectly predictable, inevitable reaction when so many contributing factors came together in one instant.
At the same time, you have government officials from the president to the mayor of New York blaming the violence on the proverbial “outside agitators,” from Antifa to white nationalists to Russian troll bots, refusing to believe unaffiliated American citizens are capable of torching cop cars and looting chain stores on their own say-so because some black guy had been killed.
WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
The question isn’t one of extremist rabblerousers—the question is, why doesn’t it happen more often?
How many unarmed black civilians had been murdered by cops and former cops over the three months prior to George Floyd? Now stretch that idea back a ways: how many had been murdered by cops and former cops since Ferguson? I’ll give you a moment to go look up the numbers.
Okay, how have people reacted to police violence over the course of the six years since the unrest in Ferguson? Just as they’ve been brainwashed to do, they’ve held peaceful protest marches and made a lot of speeches demanding this and that, vague concepts like “Justice” and “Peace.”. Now if you’re feeling really ambitious, go back to the end of the L.A. riots and add up the numbers, the incidents of cops killing and brutalizing the innocent between then and now. That’s an awful lot of peaceful, righteous protest marches and way too many ad hoc sidewalk memorials to count. And what changed as a result? Nothin!. The cops continued to go about their business the way they always have since the mid-nineteenth century, when they were nothing but a State-sanctioned street gang. And they’re going to continue behaving that way because nobody has the yarbles to try and make them do anything differently.
So it’s easy to imagine the mounting frustration and anger, right? People were protesting peacefully, making speeches just like they were supposed to, they were doing this every week somewhere in the country, it seems, and it had accomplished absolutely bupkis. It’s also easy to imagine these same people starting to think, after all those futile years with no improvements to point at for all their efforts, that maybe a little direct action might be more effective.
But a growing nationwide anti-cop sentiment finally reaching the breaking point was hardly the only factor at play in the recent hullabaloo.
Add to that a pandemic lockdown that had been going on for three months. People were a little stir crazy and bored. The frustration had built up, and some kind of release was necessary.
Add to that tens of millions out of work, people with no income, no insurance and no clue when they might conceivably reclaim either. Not only did they have too much time on their hands, they were pissed at the government doctors and scientists who recommended the lockdown, the fucking state politicians who ordered it, the bosses who laid them off, and their goddamn whining families who kept wanting to eat.
Add to that the burning gut rage fellt by roughly half the country directed at an administration overseen by a dangerous buffoon who seemed to take great delight in tossing out daily affronts to everything that seemed right and simply decent, and the inability of anyone to stop him. America was fast sliding toward despotism, and no  one who could have and should have  put an end to it was doing anything apart from wringing theier hands. That led to a dismay and anger that had been growing exponentially for three and a half years.
There was an awful lot of free-floating rage out there with no sense of direction. All of the above factors boil down to a single, very simple reality: people feel impotent (because they are), and they’re fucking pissed about it. You get a few thousand pissed, impotent people together in one place, and interesting things are going to happen.
So put all those factors together, right? Murderous cops, the lockdown, the new Depression and an administration that didn’t give a good goddamn. Then add to that not only a handy trigger in the form of the George Floyd video and, best of all, a stretch of some really nice weather, and there you have it—an eruption of collective cathartic rage at the whole fucking system. We need one of those every twenty or thirty years. It’s good for the spirit.
Thomas Jefferson, as we all recall, believed that given its very nature, the young country would witness a political revolution of, by, and for the people every twenty years ore so. I guess he was partly right, though instead of actual  revolutions with long-term effects, we just riot fore a week or so, smash windows, loot stores and torch cars, then call it a day. Of course since Jeffereson’s time the system has been reorganized in such a way that this is all we’re capable of doing.
On the downside, though, it’s not going to accomplish anything. In fact it’s going to backfire, because it always has and always will. Nothing’s going to alter cop behavior, because nothing’s going to change the psychological makeup of those no-necked thugs who decide they want to become cops. In fact, it’s only going to bolster the contempt most cops feel for anyone who’s not a cop, and the standard paranoid fantasy held dear by most police officers that they’re the real victims.
On top of that, there’s going to be a crackdown from not only an already delusional administration, but the courts and state and local officials, all of whom will enact new limitations on protests and public gatherings to ensure nothing like this ever gets so out of hand again. This is why every time it happens, the reaction from those in power guarantees it’ll happen again down the line, while pushing the country yet further from Jefferson’s ideal.
Yeah, I do get a little jingly-jangly feeling inside when I hear about young women throwing Molotov Cocktails at cop cars in NYC. But if you want to play with the power structure, you’ve got to remember the power structure plays really, really rough, and things are about to get far worse than they were a week ago. Sorry, but it’s true. Sure was fun while it lasted though.
Now I just have to wait another thirty years until it happens again. In the meantime, I think I’ll go pull out my old Feederz records and give them a spin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OvI1WIoc9w
by Jim Knipfel
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charminglatina · 5 years
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Riverdale Characters as Zodiac Signs 🌙.
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Aries The Ram (Mar. 21st to Apr. 19th) ♈︎
Symbol: The Ram Element: Fire Quality: Cardinal Ruling Planet: Mars, the planet of war and energy Body Part: Head, face Good Day: Energetic, encouraging, unstoppable, bold, devoted, heroic, caring Bad Day: Proud, self-centered, impulsive, bossy, stubborn, reckless, jealous Favorite Things: Competitive games, new clothes, road trips (in fast red cars), debating, expressing themselves through stunning verbal and physical feats What They Hate: Sharing their toys, being ignored, cramped spaces, losing, the word “no” Secret Wish: To be number one How to Spot Them: High foreheads, focused or manic energy, aggressive stance Keywords: Willpower, Initiative, Determination, Passion, Beginnings, Self-Belief, Innocence Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Leo, Sagittarius 
Famous Aries: Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Aretha Franklin, Chaka Khan, Marvin Gaye, Keira Knightley, Victoria Beckham, Sarah Jessica Parker, Al Gore, Heath Ledger, Rosie O’Donnell, Gloria Steinem, Marc Jacobs, Emma Watson, Tyler Oakley, Kourtney Kardashian, Big Sean, Kristen Stewart, Pharrell Williams, Jamie-Lynn Spears, Vivienne Westwood, Tommy Hilfiger, Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, William Wordsworth, Jessie J, Brendan Urie, Robert Downey Jr., Peyton Manning, Thomas Jefferson, John Tyler
Aries is ruled by Mars, the fiery red planet of energy and drive. In mythology, Mars was the god of war and aggression. Highly impatient and competitive, many Aries have the fighting spirit of your mythological ruler. You love to be a hero–or to be swept away by one. As the zodiac’s first sign, you were born to be number one. You’re a solo star who steals the spotlight and inspires everyone with your confidence. Yeah, you can be impatient, even a little bossy, especially when you don’t get your way. As the “baby” of the zodiac, you need lots of attention, and can throw quite the tantrum when you don’t get it. Fortunately, you rarely have a problem turning heads. Your friends love to follow as you lead them on the latest adventure. Make sure to let other people be the boss every now and then, too, or you could alienate potential allies. Focus your competitive streak into a diva-worthy goal, delegate to your troops, and you’ll rise to the top! Ruled by the headstrong and determined Ram, Aries energy can be stubborn and willful. It causes us to dig in our heels, stand our ground and refuse to be pushed around. Under the influence of an Aries planetary transit, we may butt our own metaphorical Ram’s horns against the same obstacle until we break it down—often with the sheer force of will. Confident Aries energy helps us believe in ourselves and champion others. The essence of Aries energy shows up as encouraging, unstoppable, bold, devoted, heroic and caring. In its shadow form, Aries energy can make us prideful, self-centered, impulsive, bossy, stubborn, reckless and competitive. This sign likes a challenge, but be careful not to become selfish or domineering under Aries’ influence. Aries is one of the three zodiac signs grouped under the fire element. The other two fire signs are Leo and Sagittarius. Since Aries is the first fire sign in the zodiac cycle, it’s like the match that lights the blaze. Many Aries people are trailblazers and trendsetters. Under the influence of an Aries planetary cycle, we all become more pioneering and innovative, leaping without looking or putting our bold ideas out there. Aries is ruled by warrior planet and energy activator Mars. The masculine force is ruled by this “yang” planet. On a positive note, Aries cycles can fill us with unstoppable life-force energy. The negative manifestation is that we can become argumentative, confrontational and aggressive. Mars is the mythological god of war, and was often worshipped by the ancient Romans. He’s often shown with battle attire, fully equipped with shield and sword and ready for action! The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Aries is one of the four cardinal signs. These signs start every season—Aries kicks off spring, Cancer starts summer, Libra begins fall and Capricorn is the first winter sign. Thus, they are the leaders and “idea people” of the zodiac. These signs prize originality and like to be first in everything they do. They’re the trendsetters and trendspotters, the ones who get the party started and the crowd hyped. Count on them to initiate a winning idea or plan. Aries people tend to have a lot of energy, which they apply to everything from tackling supersized projects to unleashing their lusty libidos with a lover. This confident sign is known to leap before looking, diving into each new experience with a zest for life that few others can muster. As the zodiac’s first sign, they love to be number-one and can be amazing trendsetters and trailblazers. These people are true originals who inspire the rest of us. With all of their fire power and can-do attitude, there’s nothing an Aries can’t (and won’t) take on. At times, Aries can be selfish or overly focused on themselves. It can be a “blind spot” for them, and friends of Aries may need to gently remind them from time to time to share their toys. Aries are born with an innate sense of entitlement, which helps them shatter glass ceilings but can also be off-putting to people in extreme doses. This go-getter sign can come across as abrasive or overly aggressive. However, Aries will never back down from a challenge and can be heroic champions of anyone in distress. In love, Aries is a one-on-one person. You can never get too much attention or solo time with your sweetie. You’ll put your partner first in all matters, and you expect the same in return. If your mate’s universe doesn’t include a starring role for you, there’s simply no point in being together.That doesn’t mean you’re a pushover, though! Aries is one of the most independent zodiac signs. You’re not into being suffocated or controlled. You just love attention (giving and receiving), and you want to share your most intimate side with someone you can trust. It’s been said that the biggest gift we can offer is to listen to another person. Aries are masters of this. You give your full heart and attention in a relationship, often “stage mothering” or playing the heroic savior for the object of your affections. This can become a bit suffocating for both you and your partner at times, so monitor this tendency carefully. Otherwise, your independent spirit will rebel, wreaking havoc on your relationship. That Aries temper can blindside you at times, and out of frustration you can say things that are quite cruel.The remedy? Carve out “me time” every day. Being alone to breathe, relax, and tune in to your thoughts helps you stay centered and balanced in love. Aries rules the head and face, and tension for you tends to pool here. Regular scalp and neck massages, blowouts and pampering will keep you from burning out—and lashing out.Because you’re the zodiac’s first and “youngest” sign, you may secretly feel more dependent on your partner than you care to admit. When you’re in a relationship, be sure to keep following your own pursuits so you remember how powerful you are. As the sign of the “self,” you must always maintain a strong sense of who you are as an individual if you want to succeed in love.Aries is a competitive and alpha sign. You guard your mate like a prize. And you won’t back down from a fight if someone tries to cross a line. You may be private about your relationship’s intimate details, but you want the world to know exactly who you’re with!Although your appetite is lusty and you radiate sensuality, at the end of the day, you want that special someone who truly gets you. Although you may naively hang on to a bad match, you don’t tolerate disrespect once the blinders come off. You’re quick to say “next!” the minute you recognize that you’re not the apple of your partner’s eye. Aries, you ’re a born leader who loves to be in charge. And why shouldn’t you? As the warrior sign, you embrace any challenge, and champion every project you take on. Being somebody’s “second in command” is not your speed. That will only work as a stepping stone to your ultimate goal (world domination, of course!), or if the position offers enough excitement and control — a chance to flaunt your leadership skills and rise to the top.A common Aries pitfall on the job? Taking on more than you can handle. Aries is the solo sign, and if you’re not careful you could end up doing everything yourself! (“Just so it gets done right,” you’ll say.) If the office closes at 5:00, there’s no need to stay until midnight. Learn the art of delegating, and hand the grunt work off to a persistent Taurus or a detail-oriented Scorpio, who will get it done in half the time.All that independent energy could also make you a bit bossy at times. Be careful not to cross the line from determined to dictator! If you work with a team, make sure they’re as motivated as you are. Give them plenty of encouragement and appreciation to keep the good vibes flowing. Your praise, more than any other sign’s, can put rocket fuel in a slacking teammate’s or employee’s tank.Your impatience makes you a go-getter, eager to reach your goals. At times, you toe the line between enthusiastic and pushy. Sometimes, you have to pay your dues — and that can take longer than you like. Don’t assume something’s wrong just because you don’t see instant results, or you’ll make the fatal error of giving up too soon. Plant the seeds, water them, and see what grows.Lastly, keep that temper in check. Aries anger easily, and if you blow your top over every little thing, you could alienate valuable allies. If you’re furious but holding it inside, find an outlet (like the gym) or speak up to someone who can help so the pent-up stress doesn’t affect your health. The best careers for an Aries include an entrepreneur, publicist, defence attorney, holistic healer, professor, motivational speaker, stunt person, hairdresser, salesperson, magazine editor, agent
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Taurus The Bull (Apr. 20th to May 20th) ♉︎
Symbol: The Bull Element: Earth Quality: Fixed Ruling Planet: Venus — the planet of beauty and love Body Part: Neck, throat, jaw Good Day: Patient, organized, supportive, romantic, careful, dedicated Bad Day: Overindulgent, stubborn, lazy, vain, cheap, too cautious Favorite Things: Photography, the mountains, great music, rich/gourmet food, satin sheets What They Hate: Being rushed, wasting money, dirty things, hotels, mornings Secret Wish: To own the best of everything How to Spot Them: Deep and soulful eyes, long and elegant necks, delicate jaw lines Where You’ll Find Them: Comparing prices on a luxury purchase, singing in a band or choir, working three jobs, displaying paintings at an art gallery Keywords: Stability, security, elegance, sensuality, stubbornness, persistence Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Virgo, Capricorn Famous Tauruses: Adele, Al Pacino, David Beckham, Stevie Wonder, Donatella Versace, Cher, Robert Pattinson, Chris Brown, Channing Tatum, The Rock, Gigi Hadid, Queen Elizabeth II, Sam Smith, Megan Fox, Meek Mill, George Clooney, Lena Dunham, Tina Fey, Christian Lacroix, Jean-Paul Gaultier, Valentino Garavani, William Shakespeare, Harper Lee, James Monroe, James Buchanan, Ulysses S. Grant, Harry S. Truman
Sensual Taurus is ruled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty. Your sign loves great food, romance and beautiful things. Venus kicks your five senses into high gear, so you are are happiest when surrounded by the best of everything. Satin sheets, gourmet dinners, a glass of red wine, and boom…you’re relaxing into one of your famous, 14-hour naps. Not that you don’t work hard, too. Like a bull, Taurus operates at two speeds: either totally relaxed, or charging headfirst towards a target. You prefer to keep the peace, but when you’re pushed past your limit, watch out! Underneath it all, you just want to be comfortable, and surrounded by life’s finest offerings. Taurus knows what s/he likes, and that’s that. You stick with your opinions, and you don’t change unless there’s a really good reason. You can be stubborn…but on the upside, you’re also loyal and dependable. Just be careful not to get stuck in a safety zone or your life could become stagnant. Take a chance and try something new. Sometimes, change and risk can bring the progress and reward you’re wishing for. Ruled by the persistent and plodding Bull, Taurus energy has two speeds. It’s either relaxed and contented (like a steer luxuriating in a verdant pasture) or hyped-up and ready to charge. (Toro, toro!) This zodiac sign has a built-in energy conservation program. It will patiently assess whether something is worth the investment of time and resources. Then if the green light flashes, it’s all systems go! Until then, slow and steady wins the Taurus race. This sign encourages us to break our work into simple steps then take daily action. Taurus is the sign of the builder, helping us create concrete results for our diligent efforts. Under the influence of a Taurus planetary transit, we roll up our sleeves and get the job done. The positive essence of Taurus energy shows up as patient, organized, supportive, romantic, careful, and dedicated. On the flipside, Taurus energy can also be overindulgent, stubborn, lazy, vain, tightfisted and too cautious. Routine-loving Taurus can get us stuck in our comfort zones and habits. Make sure that consistency doesn’t turn into stagnation or inertia. Taurus is one of the three zodiac signs grouped under the earth element. The other two earth signs are Virgo and Capricorn. Since Taurus is the first earth sign in the zodiac cycle, it’s like the bedrock that sets the foundation. Many Taurus people are stabilizers, ensuring that there’s security for themselves and others. Under the influence of a Taurus planetary cycle, we all become more grounded and easygoing, taking the proper steps necessary to ascertain our goals through diligent effort and output. Taurus is ruled by Venus, the planet of love, luxury, and beauty. Legend has it that when Saturn castrated his father, Uranus, Uranus’ blood spilled into the sea, impregnating the sea foam and giving birth to the goddess Venus. (Who knew this charming goddess came from such violent origins?) In Renaissance artist Sandro Botticelli’s famous painting The Birth of Venus, the goddess is fully naked, perched exquisitely on a clam shell. That is sensual Taurus in a nutshell. This sign’s Venusian energy adds charm and embellishment to everything it touches, from food to fashion to home decor. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. There are four fixed signs—Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius.These signs fall in the middle of every season. They’re the stabilizers—the ones who set up a solid goal or foundation, then start building. Fixed signs can take the enthusiastic ideas that cardinal signs spark, and craft them into something real. They pick up the ball when the cardinal sign passes it, and run the distance to the goal. Fixed signs are the trustworthy types who like “to-do” lists and fancy titles. If a cardinal signs says, “Let’s go on vacation!” the fixed sign will call the travel agency, book the tickets and hotel, and send everyone a list of what to pack. Taurus people can be grounding, bringing a sense of ease and contentment. Unless, that is, they’re worked up about something. Then steam pours out of their ears. You’ll see them pacing, muttering the same thing over and over, clenching their fists and looking like Bulls ready to charge! But when they’re content and in the groove, there’s no happier sign than Taurus. Lovers of the arts, you can find them composing photos, blissing out to music, losing themselves on the dance floor or preparing a feast fit for royalty. This affectionate, comfort-loving sign can indulge in hours of deep lounging or sensual boudoir play. As earth signs, they may love to go on walks, bike rides and hikes. Disclaimer: other Bulls think “communing with nature” means gazing at the French Riviera from the Hotel du Cap veranda, chilled rose in hand. Never go cheap on a Taurus, because these epicureans love the finer things. That said, they can be very down-to-earth and work hard to pay for their indulgences. (You might need to light a fire under their asses to get them going. Once in motion though, there’s no stopping this charging Bull!) Sure they can be materialistic, but really they just want tasteful creature comforts that last the test of time. And, if you’re lucky enough, they’ll share the finer things in life with you, too. Taurus is an old-fashioned type when it comes to love, a complex combo of toughness and sensitivity. To the outside world, you may appear completely composed, but inside, you’re a hopeless romantic looking for that “love of a lifetime.” Your needs are basic: you want a stable, loyal partner who’s affectionate and classy. Why, then, does it seem so hard to find? For one thing, Taurus hates change, and that’s why you don’t just throw yourself into relationships. Once you’re in, you’re in. Predictability may bore some, but for you, it simply provides a canvas on which you create a lovely twosome. Taurus is not a “player” sign. When a possessive Taurus finds her match, she plays for keeps. Sure, you’ve got not shortage of dates and admirers. Ruled by beauty-planet Venus, attractive Taurus is easy on the eyes. You love romantic trappings like fine restaurants, flowers, and gourmet chocolates, and will happily accept these gifts without falling in love. Nonetheless, it takes a long time for you to give away your heart–and only the strong will survive the wait! Wise Tauruses learn to hold out for the very best. In your world, that means someone with class, taste, good manners and style: someone who keeps the peace, but won’t get crushed by your natural strength. Although you hate drama, you also need a mate who brings their own spirit and flavor to the mix. Just because you like stability, doesn’t mean you’re boring. The right person for you will get this. Your public image is important to you, so your partner must never embarrass you in a social setting, or it’s curtains for that relationship.Although you’ve got a soft spot for your sweetie and offer great generosity, you’ve got your limits. Anyone who takes you for granted or crosses your boundaries will have a charging Bull to deal with! Your mates quickly learn that kindness does NOT equal weakness. Underneath that charm is a man or woman of steel! The driving force of your sign is loyalty, comfort and persistence. For you, a relationship is like a project, and you’ll remain attentive, self-sacrificing and caring toward your partner. There’s no stopping you when it comes to getting—and keeping—what you want. Dependable and reliable, you need to be needed. You’re quick to offer your help when your mate is behind on errands or needs a hand with a practical matter. Be careful, however, or you could go from queen to royal subject in his eyes. Being taken for granted is a common complaint among Tauruses. Sometimes, your helpful nature can just be too ever-present. You have to work at keeping the dynamic tension alive in relationships by remaining committed to and passionate about your own life. Abandonment issues are a Taurus Achilles heel, and you may fear that your partner will leave you if you say no to a request or aren’t always around. You must test the waters or you will never feel secure. If someone is going to leave you for having your own life, then he’s not “The One” for you anyway! You have a strong nesting instinct, and creating a comfortable home with your mate tops your list of fantasies. Ruled by Venus, you’re incredibly sensual. Touching, holding hands, and kissing are an all-night affair for you. Your sign loves to be pampered, so save your money for spa treatments that make you feel relaxed and beautiful. Couples massages are a big turn-on for you. Indulging in anything luxurious with your love by your side gives you a serious case of the warm-fuzzies. Taurus is one of the zodiac ’s hardest working signs—loyal, organized and persistent. While you love to lounge once the workday’s over, nobody is more dedicated when there’s a job to complete. You finish what you start, even if it means late hours and extra stress. This guarantees that you’ll always succeed, simply because you don’t quit until you do! Taurus rules the zodiac’s second house of daily income, so a steady paycheck is vital to your inner peace. Although you can prosper as a business owner, security is your top priority in life. The rollercoaster ride of entrepreneurship may just make you nauseous. As a result, many Tauruses end up in high-ranking management positions, often in large, stable organizations, or industries like banking and real estate. (Bonus if you get to wear the stylish, upscale clothes you love.) Ruled by artistic Venus, Taurus is a highly creative sign. Be sure you don’t neglect this part of yourself just to get a regular check. Many Tauruses thrive in the arts, as dancers, painters (Salvador Dali), actors (Uma Thurman, Penelope Cruz) and musicians (Stevie Wonder, Kelly Clarkson). Because Taurus rules the five senses, you’ve got a strong sense of color, gourmet tastebuds and a keen musical ear. At the very least, you’ll improve any environment you join. You understand that a company’s image is vital to its success, and you know just how to package a product or brand to give it that first-class touch.Because Tauruses hate change, you should thoroughly research any company or project before taking a job. Chances are, you’ll be there for a long time, so you want to be sure it’s a great fit. Another self-defeating habit to break? Being polite at your own expense. You tend to be proper and well-mannered, showing great respect to the higher-ups. Little do they know there’s a raging bull within you! If you’ve got an issue with a superior, you may hold back from telling her. Instead, you’ll gossip and complain to co-workers, driving them crazy. Eventually you explode, damaging your own reputation and burning valuable bridges. Better to have a calm, direct conversation when a problem first starts, before it gets out of hand.  BEST CAREERS FOR TAURUS: Banker, manager, real estate agent, photographer, filmmaker, interior designer, dancer, musician, art dealer, restaurant owner, makeup artist, singer.
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Gemini The Twins (May 21st to Jun. 20th) ♊︎
Symbol: The Twins Ruling Planet: Mercury — the planet of communication Body Part: Shoulders, arms, hands Element: Air Good Days: Fascinating, original, resourceful, charming, wise, adventurous Bad Days: Restless, distracted, two-faced, judgmental, depressed, overwhelmed Favorite Things: Cell phones, fast cars, trendy clothes, obscure music, guitars, books, comedy clubs What they Hate: Small-minded people, dress codes, authority figures, silence, routines Secret wish: To have all the answers How to Spot Them: Mischievous twinkle in their eyes, reading, talking with their hands Where You’ll Find Them: Behind the camera, behind the deejay booth, in a chat room, arguing both sides on the debate team Keywords: Communication, Collaboration, Synergy, Cleverness, Wittiness,  Inventiveness,  Ingenuity Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Libra, Aquarius Famous Geminis: Angelina Jolie, Kanye West, Colin Farrell, Prince, Johnny Depp, Donald Trump, Notorious B.I.G., Tupac Shakur, Ice Cube, Macklemore, Alanis Morissette, Fetty Wap, Kendrick Lamar, Iggy Azalea, Troye Sivan, North West, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Morgan Freeman, Blake Shelton, Kate Upton, Amy Schumer, Kanye West, Angelina Jolie, John F. Kennedy, George Bush, Walt Whitman, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Joyce Carol Oates, Salmon Rushdie, George Orwell, Salvatore Ferragamo, Mary Kate & Ashley Olson, Charlotte Olympia Dellal
The Gemini mind (and mouth!) is a busy machine, always moving at warp speed. That’s because your sign is ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication. Mercury also rules technology and the mind, making Gemini one of the most curious and cutting-edge signs of the zodiac. If two is double the fun, then as the sign of the twins, you know it’s true! There are at least two personalities inside of you at all times. Adventurous Geminis change faster than the weather, and constantly flip between moods and interests. One day, you’re into frilly, girl stuff. The next day, you’re over that and skydiving out of an airplane. If possible, try to stick with a couple key passions for the long haul, and get really good at them. You love to chatter and you have a million great ideas. Keep your fast-moving mind and hands busy with email, instant messages, mobile gadgets, and great conversations. Watch a temptation to gossip. Keep a notebook handy to jot down your thoughts at all times. Ruled by the dual sign of the twins, Gemini energy circulates in a quick and frenetic way. Gemini rules communication and this sign inspires witty wordplays and dynamic dialogue. Gemini transits are great for brainstorming and socializing. This sign also craves “twin flame” and kindred spirit energy, and is always up for an intellectual meeting of the minds. Under the influence of a Gemini planetary transit, we could find ourselves with the gift of gab, talking and conversing with others for hours hopping from pop culture trends to deep political topics. Beware of becoming a “gossip girl,” though, as Gemini can crank up the rumor mill. As renowned Dr. Bernie Siegel says, “[we] have the ability to cure with either ‘words’ or kill with ‘swords.'” The essence of Gemini energy is fascinating, original, resourceful, charming, wise, and adventurous. The negative manifestation can devolve into restless, distracted, two-faced, judgmental, depressed, and overwhelmed energy. Gemini has a tendency to ride the roller coaster of life, spiraling skywards one minute and plunging into lows the next. If you can keep up with these vibes, though, you’ll have one helluva thrill! Gemini is one of the three zodiac signs grouped under the air element. The other two air signs are Libra and Aquarius. Since Gemini is the first air element of the zodiac, it’s like the first gust of wind to circulate the communicative winds of change. Gemini people exhibit great creative synergy, instantly connecting people to each other. Under the influence of a Gemini planetary cycle, we’ll all be inclined to spend time with friends and focus on changing the world one idea at a time. Gemini is ruled by the fleet-footed messenger planet Mercury. Mercury would usually carry out requests and tasks at the command of other gods, even adopting multiple personas in order to fulfill his missions. This fits perfectly with Gemini’s ability to communicate between people and play out its varied theatrical roles. Mercury is usually depicted wearing winged sandals and a winged hat, which fits perfectly with this airy sign’s vibe. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Gemini is one of the four mutable signs. These signs end every season—and have learned the hard lessons taught by spring, summer, fall and winter. The mutable signs—Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces—know that all good things come to an end, and their role is to prepare everyone for the changing of seasons. Mutable signs are the adapters of the zodiac, a little bit older and wiser. More flexible and comfortable with change than other signs, they can “chameleon” themselves to fit into a variety of situations. Mutables are also the editors of the zodiac—the ones who complete the package with a winning touch. A plan can be sparked by a cardinal sign, built by a fixed sign, then perfected with the critical eye of a mutable sign. Gemini people can come across as clever and quick-witted, eager to dish out the juiciest pieces of news and happenings to their friends via text message and social media. And in case that’s not enough, they’ll probably send you a Snapchat story for good measure. Geminis love fast cars, trendy clothes and any wacky gadgets or games they can tinker around with. Part of the fun (and curse) of Gemini people is that you’re never quite sure which personality you’re going to experience. Will it be the vivacious, pun-dishing jokester, or the snarky, mean-spirited critic? But if you’re willing to see Fifty Shades of Gemini, they’ll color your life in thrilling ways! Love: It ain’t easy for an ever-changing Gemini. As the sign of the Twins, you have so many sides to your personality, it’s hard to find one person who’s compatible with them all.  Then there’s the fact that you live to flirt! The courtship phase is your absolute favorite. You love everything from the suggestive sidelong glances to the naughty text messages that crescendo into a passionate sexcapade. Games are totally your thing. You love playing them and find people who don’t downright boring. Trouble is, you aren’t always great at distinguishing a fling from the real thing. You need a soulmate who is also your playmate. For you the fun, flirty stuff IS “serious.” Only a few special people understand that — and these are the ones you should go after. Although Geminis are capable of long-term commitments, it’s usually after an exhausting series of affairs or marriages that end as quickly as they started. One minute, you’re totally into someone; the next, you’ve lost interest and moved on to the next conquest. There’s no halfway for you. A part of you seeks eternal love; yet, you have an equal hunger for freedom. Until you’ve satisfied your thirst for variety, you can be quite the player. Your romantic taste buds are wild and unpredictable. Gemini track records include strippers, porn stars, circus performers and ex-cons — mixed between stockbrokers, religious leaders and foreign dignitaries. Ay caramba! So, who’s the perfect match for you? A versatile, young-at-heart mate who expands your horizons and shares your adventurous spirit. Someone who keeps you on your toes, doesn’t demand consistency, and celebrates your nuttiness can also win your heart. Since your sign rules communication, you also need someone who loves to talk, brainstorm and can hold their own in a debate. Love is a mental match for you.Once a Gemini finds that true playmate, you can be incredibly loyal. But nothing sends you running faster than a predictable, scripted life. Although you may take advantage of traditions and institutions like marriage and children, you must have an equal dose of rebellion woven in to stick around for the long haul. Join forces with a starry-eyed dreamer who knows when to bring in a dose of practical magic, and soon life will be the adventure for two you’ve always dreamed it could be! Hyperactive Geminis are impatient, impulsive and need constant stimulation. You thrive in a versatile career and a busy environment. As the sign of the Twins, you need a career that has many jobs in one. Bring on the multi-tasking! You simply aren’t meant to do just one thing. While other signs would feel overwhelmed by such a workload, having lots of variety makes you feel free.Gemini rules communication, so you thrive in an environment with lots of small talk, email, phone calls and little tasks. A quiet, sterile office would drive you insane. If you work at a desk, the job had better include a great computer, where you can fire off Instant Messages and hop between projects all day. Gemini also rules short trips, so you’re happy running around doing errands, or bringing materials between departments and chit-chatting along the way. As the zodiac’s Twin, you need an “other half” wherever you go. That can either be a nurturing boss or a supportive co-worker—any kindred spirit who can help you talk through your ideas and issues. Gemini is the sign of the teacher, so you love to mentor new people on the job — though you can be a bit impatient with the slow learners. You comprehend new information instantly, but remember that not everyone’s mind works as fast as yours! You also love to hook people up, and are always on the lookout for opportunities. Because Geminis are ruled by Mercury, the planet of data, you’re often the first to hear about anything up-and-coming. With your mental Rolodex and ability to Google at lightning speed, you’re a one-stop connector for all your friends.The main Gemini hazard? Indecisiveness. Because you’re so multi-faceted, you may hesitate to commit to one career path, fearing you’ll be “trapped.” As a result, you end up in an endless string of unfulfilling jobs because you don’t want to commit. Here are a couple suggestions to keep you from being your own worst enemy: Be a consultant or a “project person.” Hone a field of expertise, then travel to different companies or departments and make them over. Or, work on projects with limited deadlines. Either way, the gig is short-term and there will be an end in sight, so you never have to feel trapped.Use your creativity. Geminis have huge imaginations. Can’t find an existing job you like, or a position in your company that suits you? Make one up! Work for yourself. At least you’ll always have the freedom you crave. Some happily self-employed Geminis we know? A hair colorist-stylist and a makeup artist. Guess all those wild colors and new styles keep their imaginations stimulated.Give yourself a year. If you take a traditional job in a large company and already feel like you’ll be stuck there forever, commit to a year, or six months. Plan to reevaluate at that time. If you still like the job then, stay. If not, cut loose and move on! BEST CAREERS FOR GEMINI: Journalist, consultant, web developer, agent, entrepreneur, makeup artist, hairstylist, editor, project manager, film director, yoga teacher, interpreter, stand-up comedian, DJ, day trader
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Cancer The Crab (Jun.21st to Jul. 22nd) ♋︎
Symbol: The Crab Ruling Planet: Moon–celestial body of moods and emotions Body Part: Chest, stomach Element: Water Good Days: Helpful, patient, caring, kind, empathetic, compassionate, nurturing, romantic, creative Bad Days: Gossipy, clingy, moody, crabby, clique-y, isolated, uncommunicative, hypersensitive, overly competitive Favorite Things: Gourmet meals, intramural sports, hosting parties, working with kids, museums and art galleries What they Hate: Tacky clothes, frozen dinners, public speaking, being rushed, paying full price Secret wish: To take care of friends and family How to Spot Them: Walking with their chests puffed out, round “moon-like” facial features Where You’ll Find Them: Shopping for antiques and rare finds, creating a masterpiece with a guitar or art supplies, listening to live bands, in the kitchen Keywords: Nurturing, Sensitivity, Emotions, Moodiness, Home, Family, Children, Femininity Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Scorpio, Pisces  Famous Cancers: Meryl Streep, Tom Cruise, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, Khloe Kardashian, Jaden Smith, Kourtney Kardashian, Vin Diesel, Robin Williams, Lana Del Ray, Lindsay Lohan, Gisele Bundchen, Li’l Kim, Courtney Love, Pamela Anderson, OJ Simpson, Selena Gomez, Khloe Kardashian, John Quincy Adams, Calvin Coolidge, Gerald R. Ford, George W. Bush, Franz Kafka, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Pablo Neruda, Ernest Hemingway, Emily Bronte, Vera Wang, Giorgio Armani, Oscar de la Renta
Sensitive Cancer Zodiac is ruled by the ever-changing Moon, and your moods go through many cycles. You’re intuitive and nurturing, even psychic. Pay attention to your dreams, especially near a Full Moon. You are sensitive and loyal, with a ready shoulder to cry on. Cancer loves to get domestic, serving your friends and family home-baked goodies and tea. When you get moody, you need to be comforted, or else just left alone. Like a crab, you can cling — or pinch — when you feel threatened or vulnerable. And thrifty Cancers can pinch pennies just as tightly. (Of course, you also love to spend! It’s a mood thing.) To make life easier, surround yourself with comfort: a cozy sweater, a favorite book, trusted friends, and a stash of your favorite goodies. Cancers are close to their moms, so keep yours on speed-dial and call her when you’re down. You may be an unofficial mom to everyone in your life, too. Taking care of kids, friends, and pets can keep your spirits high. The zodiac sign Cancer is symbolized by the Crab, with its impenetrable outer shell and vulnerable underside. Just as the Crab claw grips, Cancer energy makes us cling to comforts—from job security to beloved family members and pets. The Crab also carries its home on its back, and Cancer is about setting up a cozy and safe space wherever it goes. Change can threaten this security-seeking sign, which seeks to plant deep roots. Under the influence of a Cancer planetary transit, we feel sentimental and nostalgic. These are times for nurturing ourselves and our loved ones. The essence of Cancer energy is sensitive, domestic, feminine, maternal, compassionate, care-taking, romantic, and creative. Negative Cancer vibes can be gossipy, cliquey, isolated, passive-aggressive, hypersensitive, and overly competitive. Under the Cancer influence, emotions and intuition overrule their logic and intellect. Cancer rules the stomach and literally urges us to “go with our gut.” Cancer energy is the ultimate Chicken Soup for the Soul, and once you’ve sipped from the Crab’s consommé  you feel soothed and nurtured. However, we may play it too safe or feel smothered by too much Cancer energy, which can veer into coddling and codependence. Cancer is one of the three zodiac signs ruled under the water element. The other two water signs are Scorpio and Pisces. Since Cancer is the first water sign of the zodiac, it’s the fluid river that gets the emotion ocean and creative juices flowing. Cancer people are excellent caretakers, making sure that everyone around them is feeling happy and content. Under the influence of a Cancer planetary cycle, we’ll feel a deep urge to nest and spend time with our families or loved ones. Ah, la luna! The moon is the closest celestial body to our Earth—and the one that affects our moods the most. The moon rules the “inner” self, arousing our deepest soul desires and emotional cravings. In ancient Greek mythology, Serene served as the goddess of the moon, driving her horse-led chariot through the night sky. Although there are multiple lunar deities, all of them are depicted as feminine or female in nature. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Cancer is one of the four cardinal signs. These signs start every season—Aries kicks off spring, Cancer starts summer, Libra begins fall and Capricorn is the first winter sign. Thus, they are the leaders and “idea people” of the zodiac. These signs prize originality and like to be first in everything they do. They’re the trendsetters and trendspotters, the ones who get the party started and the crowd hyped. Count on them to initiate a winning idea or plan. Cancer people are homebodies at heart, even if they’re out and about in the working world or the queen bees of their social hives. They love returning to a space that they can call their own. Home and deep bonds, especially female ones, keep them feeling secure. Many Cancers are passionate foodies who love to cook and of course, eat! Many Crabs love to host their own house parties for a regular crew. Creative Cancers are the ultimate culture vultures, always up on the latest Michelin-starred restaurant, new band or raved-about independent film. Great with kids and pets, Cancers make excellent parents and caretakers. Need a little TLC? Call on Cancer, who’s always ready with a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. (Be warned: You will need to return the favor soon enough!) But don’t get too hooked on Cancer’s compassion or your relationship can get codependent. That shell can be a bit too snug and Crabs can lose perspective, lapsing into pessimism. Before claustrophobia strikes, make sure to set healthy boundaries. Encourage Cancers to dry their tears and face their fears. They need friends who give them space to vent but also remind them of their strength. Cancer is the sign of family and children, ruler of the heart and all its matters, which you take rather seriously. While your friends are playing the field or ordering their first legal cocktails, you’re busy picking names for your future children or mentally decorating their nurseries.Crabs hang with a tight circle of friends, and you may find your mate within yours. Since you only trust your inner posse, your pals may act as a romantic referral service. A homebody at heart, you just want to cozy up on the couch with your mate — although you love to be taken out, princess style. You’re highly intuitive but equally moody, so your partner needs to respect your emotions. A sensitive, sometimes insecure creature, you need stability and lots of reassurance—which is why you’re strongly attracted to confident, successful types. Cancers can be mama’s or daddy’s girls/boys, so you need a nurturing, trustworthy partner with whom you can build a nest. Although you have dozens of crushes, falling in love is serious business to you. Your sensitive nature makes you uncomfortable opening up. As a result, in matters of the heart you take a long time to decide if a partner is reliable enough to hear your deepest secrets. Once you do, you’re in for the long haul.Since you’re so close to your family, your mate MUST get along with your kin or the relationship simply won’t work. You live for those cozy, multi-generational Thanksgiving dinners and family vacations. A partner who loves kids and family is just your type.Still, you’ve gotta cut the cord, which many Cancers are reluctant to do.  Like a Crab, you can cling, and it takes a long time for you to let go of love.Cancers should look for the right combination of toughness and tenderness, and a steady partner who is both loyal and sympathetic. Players beware — this sign is looking for security and closeness, not a casual fling. Fortunately, you’re not easily fooled by the smooth-talking types. In fact, you can be quite the challenge for prospective mates. Try softening up that tough “crab shell” a little and revealing more of who you are when out on dates. This actually increases your chances of attracting a compatible mate who shares your interests or creative appetite for life. Security is Cancer’s number-one career goal, and you need a job where you feel safe and at home. You nestle right into your career with the same spirit that you use to create a warm household. You’ll cozy up your workspace with personal touches, like a candy bowl, funky artwork or a comfy pillow.As the ruler of the zodiac’s fourth house of home, family and hospitality, Cancers do well working in the hotel, restaurant and childcare industries. You’re the zodiac’s “mother” sign, and you’ll nurture everyone who crosses your path. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be Mother Earth for a living, though. You’re just highly sensitive, and you’ll bring that intuitive touch to everything, whether you work in the arts or at a strict corporate job (both sectors where Cancers thrive). As a natural homebody, home-based work also appeals to you. Freelance writing, computer programming — anything you can do in flip-flops and your favorite comfy T-shirt is the perfect gig.  Warning: don’t isolate yourself so much that you lose touch with the world. Cancers can disappear into their cozy crab-shells, but too much time in there can make you seriously lose perspective. You could get moody and depressed. If that happens, get out and mingle with your fellow human beings! That said, Cancer, you can just as easily fortress yourself in an office job, too. You may hide behind work or create a little office clique and shun everyone else. Should that happen, push yourself to embrace new opportunities and people outside your comfort zone. You’ll always do best when you allow your horizons to expand. Remember, it’s safer out there than you think! BEST CAREERS FOR CANCER: Corporate executive, childcare worker, editor, writer, gallery owner, art director, interior designer, women’s rights lawyer, urban planner, family therapist, bed and breakfast owner, computer systems analyst or programmer, home-based business owner, organizational strategist.
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Leo The Lion (Jul. 23rd to Aug. 22nd) ♌︎
Symbol: The Lion Element: Fire Ruling Planet: The Sun Body Part: Heart, upper back, spine Good Day: Courageous, kind, generous, loyal, protective, nakedly honest, entertaining Bad Day: Arrogant, wasteful, sloppy, cold-hearted, jealous, aggressive Favorite Things: Theaters, cameras, DVDs, rich desserts, red roses, exchanging gifts, singing, affection, compliments, great clothes What You Hate: Being ignored, silver medals (instead of gold), bland food, being alone, goodbyes Secret Wish: To rule the world How to Spot Them: Distinctive mane of hair, regal posture Where You’ll Find Them: Producing, directing and starring in their own independent films, swept away in a romantic escapade, running for President Keywords: Passion, Romance, Expression, Drama, Playfulness, Courageous, Loyal Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Aries, Sagittarius Famous Leos: Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, J.K. Rowling. Kylie Jenner, Barack Obama, Demi Lovato, Halle Berry, Mila Kunis, Robert DeNiro, Robert Redford, Jennifer Lawrence, Cara Delevingne, Daniel Radcliffe, Tom Brady, Anna Kendrick, Joe Jonas, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris Hemsworth, Whitney Houston, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Lawrence, Bill Clinton, Alduous Huxley, Yves Saint-Laurent, Coco Chanel, Michael Kors, Domenico Dolce
The Sun is the center of our solar system and the ruler of Leo. When the whole universe revolves around you, it’s hard to be humble! Like the Sun, Leo heats everything up with its dazzling drama. And when the Sun sets, it’s ice, ice baby. That’s why friends of Leo know to keep them happy and shining…or else. Leo is the sign of drama, and oh, can you put on a show! Even the Leos who pretend to be shy come to life in the spotlight. A natural-born leader, you love to be the boss. Leos need mega-doses of praise and appreciation, which may cause people to think you’re self-centered. The truth is, you have a huge heart, and you’re the zodiac’s most generous sign. You’re always there to help, spoil, and protect the people you love. So what if your appetite is huge? Your energy may be hard for others to match. Remember, people express love in different ways, and not everyone can show it like you do. But it’s never boring to be part of your glamorous world, so let your star shine. Somebody’s gotta rule, and it might as well be you! Ruled by the proud and fierce Lion, Leo energy is expressive and flamboyant in nature. It makes us fiercely protective of our passion projects and our loved ones. Leo inspires us to lead from the heart and wear our emotions on our sleeves.  Under a Leo planetary transit, we can get swept away in our personal theatrics and romantic affairs, fully opening ourselves to the splendor of our desires and self-expression. The essence of Leo energy is courageous, kind, generous, loyal, protective, nakedly honest and entertaining. Negative manifestations of Leo energy can be arrogant, greedy, sloppy, coldhearted, jealous, aggressive and vain. Leo energy can cause us to upstage those around us, forgetting that each and every person is a valuable member to a team. Yet, we can direct the Leo flair for powerful leadership and let everyone have their spot in the sunshine. Used properly, Leo energy leaves others awakened and revitalized in an empowering way. Leo is one of the three zodiac signs ruled under the fire element. The other two fire signs are Aries and Sagittarius. Since Leo is the second fire element in the zodiac, it turns the flame into a roaring fire with the intensity of its heat felt by all. Many Leo people are magnetic performers and natural born leaders. Under the influence of a Leo planetary cycle, we’ll all feel the burning desire to steal the spotlight and shine, shine, shine! At the same time, we may step on some toes and get a little overzealous, even pissing people off with our bossy demeanor. Leo is ruled by the great ball of fire that is the center of our universe, the Sun. Typically, the Sun represents the ego and the masculine life force energy found in humans. In Ancient Greek and Roman Mythology, Apollo was the Sun god who drove his chariot of flaming horses around the Earth during the day time, setting the skies afire with bright light. It’s no wonder that Leo has such fierce and fiery fervency! The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. There are four fixed signs—Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. These signs fall in the middle of every season. They’re the stabilizers—the ones who set up a solid goal or foundation, then start building. Fixed signs can take the enthusiastic ideas that cardinal signs spark, and craft them into something real. They pick up the ball when the cardinal sign passes it, and run the distance to the goal. Fixed signs are the trustworthy types who like “to-do” lists and fancy titles. If a cardinal signs says, “Let’s go on vacation!” the fixed sign will call the travel agency, book the tickets and hotel, and send everyone a list of what to pack. Leos are entertainers at heart: they know how to spin a story, belt a tune and to get others hyped up around them. Warm-hearted and authentic, Leos can offer great strength and heroism in the face of adversity, pouncing upon obstacles with their prowess and determination to be Number One. You can often find them going to the theater—or starring in a production themselves!—and taking endless photos and videos. Wooing them romantically means pulling out all the stops. Treat Leo to luxe but meaningful gifts, oversized roses, lavish dates, and they might just decide to pounce on YOU! Sometimes their energy can be too dramatic or overbearing. But if you’re willing to adore your Leo—paws, flaws, and all—you’ll be rewarded richly with their worshipful devotion and affection. That said, some Leos can fall more into the “ice queen/king” realm of their royal family. These haughty and aloof Lions who can be self-centered and even elitist. They must work to open their hearts, giving rather than just taking. Sure having all the toys feels good for a moment. But they may learn the hard way that it can be lonely at the top! Romance-a-holics by nature, Leo loves being in love—and your proud, flamboyant sign wants the whole world to know when you are. Some of the most high profile romances have been between two Leos, like Madonna and Sean Penn, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (a.k.a. “Bennifer”), Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith, and Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Plain and simple, Leos love drama — in fact, your sign rules it. Unless there ‘s romance and fireworks that light up the sky, you want no part of the relationship. Red roses, poetry, expensive gifts…you’ll take it all. Spoiling and being spoiled are the name of the game. Still, the number-one addiction for a Leo is attention. A person can keep you hooked for years by giving you intense doses of it, then pulling it away, leaving you chasing desperately after another fix. Although you’re totally together with your career and family, your love life may read like a bad soap opera. Friends cringe at your romantic choices, and you may even lose a few pals to your drama. Beware of this cycle, as it’s extremely difficult for Leos to break! Leos rule the jungle, and you’re the boss in all you do. Because you’re so powerful, it can be hard for you to find a mate who can keep up. As long as your mate makes you feel like royalty, you don’t care if s/he’s a dysfunctional loser, or a few notches below your level—you’ll still design a throne to match yours. A little worship goes a long way. In fact, you may secretly prefer it that way. Watch out though, because your royal treasures can be drained by playing Sugar Mama/Daddy. Dig deeper if you find yourself caught up in this cycle. It may feel exciting (at first) to have a kept person in your life, but lurking below the surface are your own control issues. When you pay, you have the say—but you can also lose your attraction and respect. How about being with someone who can pull their own weight AND participate in a fair and equal dynamic? It IS possible, so hold out for another superstar instead of settling. Loyalty is huge for a Leo, and you stick by your mate no matter what (unless, of course, a dazzling new playmate sweeps you away when your current amour has been neglecting you). Your secret weapon? Your heart. The warmth, generosity and love you offer are addictive to your mates. You are a wonderful parent, a beloved friend and a pillar in your community. Ruled by the Sun, you are your partner’s life source, and s/he may simply want to bask in your rays, content to be a lesser constellation. Learn the true worth of what you offer, Leo, and you will never have to settle for the crumbs you’ve called a relationship again. Although your ego may jockey for control of your romantic choices, set your sights on a loving, mutual, RESPECTFUL relationship that’s based on equality and true support. You may learn that a little less glamour is a worthwhile tradeoff for the healthy relationship you truly crave. Proud, loyal Leos are the heart and soul of any organization. Ruled by the Sun, you bring warmth and excitement to your workplace, even a splash of drama. There’s no question – you’re in charge, and everyone senses it. As the Jungle Queen, Leo’s royal ranking just makes itself known.Passionate and dynamic, you love a job where you can champion people or a cause. Leos are great performers, public speakers and diplomats. You ooze charm and love talking to people. You’re incredibly creative, with a contagious, childlike enthusiasm that inspires your co-workers (as long as you don’t go too far with it). You’ll bake cupcakes for an office-mate’s birthday, or plan a baby shower—as a loyal Lion, everyone is part of your den. Just don’t get your feelings hurt when others don’t return the favor. Not everyone sees things the same way that you do, so make sure you’re giving is unconditional. One of Leo’s most impressive qualities is that you KNOW you deserve to be at the top. Even when you’re not the actual boss, people respond to your power and leadership. That will either land you a leadership role or a bunch of enemies. As long as your high self-image matches reality, you’ll be a beloved ruler. However, a Leo or two in her day has been guilty of an ego trip, feeling entitled to a high-ranking role without paying the requisite dues. If you’re not rising to the top as quickly as you’d like, ask a close friend for a brutally honest reality check. Are you being too bossy or pushy? A little patience, some humble pie and lots of hard work (which you’re quite capable of doing) will go a long way to win respect.Being adored is so important to Leos that on the flipside, many stay in low-paying jobs just to feel “needed.” Praise and appreciation put fuel in your tank, but they don’t put money in the bank. Make sure you’re getting paid what you’re worth, too! Remember, you’re the zodiac’s star, and you deserve to shine. BEST CAREERS FOR LEO: Actor, teacher, counselor, artist, interior decorator, lawyer, agent, performer, artist, religious leader, CEO, event planner, human rights advocate, children’s author, politician, public speaker, motivational trainer, dancer, owner of a creative empire, fashion designer, game developer, animal trainer
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Virgo The Virgin (Aug. 23rd to Sept. 22nd) ♍︎
Symbol: The Virgin Element: Earth Quality: Mutable Ruling Planet: Mercury — the planet of communication Body Part: Stomach, waist, digestive system Good Day: Dedicated, resourceful, helpful, hardworking, witty, practical Bad Day: Preachy, self-destructive, overwhelmed, self-pitying, uptight, critical Favorite Things: Laptops, magazines, long showers with aromatherapy soaps, outdoor concerts, childhood friends, Trivial Pursuit What You Hate: Lazy or vulgar people, dive bars, spicy food, leaving home, toothpaste squeezed from the top of the tube Secret Wish: To be a hero How to Spot Them: Baby faces, roving eyes that are sizing up or analyzing a situation Where You’ll Find Them: Babysitting for the neighbor’s kids, running errands on their endlessly long to-do lists, building something with their own two hands, cleaning something to spotless condition Keywords: Health, Helpfulness, Order, Organization, Innocence, Purity Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Taurus, Capricorn Famous Virgos: Beyoncé, Michael Jackson, Richard Gere, Lea Michele, Zendaya, Nick Jonas, Bernie Sanders, Cameron Diaz, Niall Horan, Quvenzhane Wallis, Paul Walker, Kobe Bryant, Jimmy Fallon, Flo Rida, Blake Lively, Adam Sandler, Wiz Khalifa, Pink, Shania Twain, Sean Connery, Harry Connick Jr., Lilly Tomlin, Amy Poehler, William Howard Taft, Lyndon B. Johnson, Mary Shelley, Leo Tolstoy, Agatha Christie, Stephen King, Tom Ford, Karl Lagerfeld
Detail-oriented Virgo is ruled by the planet Mercury, the planet of the mind and communication. Virgos are always analyzing everything, forming opinions and judgments. On the outside, you seem sweet and innocent, but your quick mind never misses a detail. Virgo is also the sign of service, and you’re always there when help is needed. You’re an amazing, careful listener, and as a result, you give the best advice. You love to analyze everything! In fact, you can drive yourself crazy, because you never stop thinking. Virgo is a perfectionist who sees every flaw, and at times, you’re a little too critical. Relax your mind by channeling it into a project, like solving a crossword puzzle, writing a story, or organizing your desk. As an earth sign, you love the outdoors, so chill out in nature, or try a sport like karate. Remember, it’s easy for helpful Virgo to give, but harder for you to receive. Let your friends pitch in and support you, too! Try opening up a little more. You don’t have to be perfect to be loveable. Just be yourself. Ruled by the nurturing, orderly and rule-abiding Virgin, Virgo energy focuses on control, purification and organization. Imagine a bookshelf that needs sorting, and you’ll find Virgo categorizing by color, book title, and author, usually just for fun. Virgo helps us to maintain a sense of efficiency and conduct in our physical realities, and can be very supportive as it’s not focused on shining in the limelight. Perfectionism can be an issue. Under a Virgo planetary transit, we may find ourselves caught in waves of “analysis paralysis,” wanting to make a million decisions down to the last detail but unable to make a move. The essence of Virgo energy is dedicated, resourceful, helpful, hardworking, health-conscious, analytical, clever, witty, and practical. In its negative state, Virgo energy can be preachy, self-destructive, anxious, overwhelmed, self-pitying, uptight, and critical. Virgo pickiness and sky-high standards have their uses, but can wreak havoc on relationships with ourselves and others. Since Virgo rules the sixth house of health and fitness, wellness and all things “green” (from kale smoothies to cleaning up the planet) fall under its domain. Virgo is one of the three zodiac signs ruled under the earth element. The other two earth signs are Taurus and Capricorn. Since Virgo is the second earth sign in the zodiac, it picks up where Taurus left off and quickly arranges schedules and an impeccable building plan to be constructed around Taurus’ solid foundation. During a Virgo planetary cycle, we’ll be quick to pinpoint the divine in the details, crafting an exact blueprint to the nearest thousandth of an inch so that we can accomplish our goals. Virgo energy motivates us to try a new workout routine or revamp the systems and schedules we use to manage our lives. It can also make people anxious (even neurotic) about the future. During Virgo transits, we can get caught up in “What ifs?” Virgo, like Gemini, is ruled by the fleet-footed messenger planet Mercury. In mythology, Mercury carried out requests and tasks at the command of other gods, even adopting multiple personas in order to fulfill his missions. This fits perfectly with Virgo’s ability to multitask and check off their never-ending to-do lists with precision. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Virgo is one of the four mutable signs. These signs end every season—and have learned the hard lessons taught by spring, summer, fall and winter. The mutable signs—Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces—know that all good things come to an end, and their role is to prepare everyone for the changing of seasons. Mutable signs are the adapters of the zodiac, a little bit older and wiser. More flexible and comfortable with change than other signs, they can “chameleon” themselves to fit into a variety of situations. Mutables are also the editors of the zodiac—the ones who complete the package with a winning touch. A plan can be sparked by a cardinal sign, built by a fixed sign, then perfected with the critical eye of a mutable sign. From work ethic to wardrobe, impeccable Virgos are the epitome of #flawless. They can pull off the “I Woke Up Like This” look—even if they’d rather spend a couple of hours primping and putting themselves together in the mirror. Because Virgos can get stressed from micromanaging their lives (and other people’s!), downtime is crucial for them. They cherish their solitude and can spend indulgent hours reading, writing, planning, decluttering or dreaming up creative projects. But they’ll always spring into action for a friend in need. Because observant Virgos can quickly spot the flaws in everything, they can come across as critical or judgmental. They’re only trying to help! But when they lapse into preachy mode, they may need a reminder that they don’t have to “fix” the world. As hard as Virgos may be on loved ones, they’re even harder on themselves. This giving sign needs to learn the art of receiving—a lifelong struggle for many. Picky Virgo, love can be a challenge when your high standards get involved. As the zodiac’s perfectionist, it’s hard for anyone to measure up to your criteria. You’d rather be alone than settle—a great attitude, as long as you keep your expectations realistic.When applied correctly, this weeding-out process chases away the losers and can even tame eternal bachelors. Many times, though, you barely give anyone a chance. One human slip-up can be a fatal flaw for your suitors. Since first dates are often filled with nervous moments, you may need to give people a tad more leeway. Analytical Virgos have a way of sizing people up, your eyes squinting as you assess the creature in front of you. You don’t mean any harm—you just can’t help noticing every detail! However, it can be quite intimidating for the person under the Virgo microscope. Underneath it all, is the fact that you’re just incredibly hard on yourself. Thank your inner critic for sharing then tell it to shut up. It will give you a lot more tolerance for other people’s “imperfections.” Wise and worldly though you are, there’s a certain childlike innocence about you as well. No matter how tough or wild you act, when it comes to romance, Virgos have an old-fashioned streak. You want the full fantasy, complete with a dashing suitor who sweeps you off your feet (or vice-versa). Even if you run a physics lab or boast several PhDs, your romantic notions remain simplistically sweet. Amid the fantasies, however, your soulmate still has to pass a long, practical checklist. For starters, this person has to be clean (Virgos are hygiene freaks), loyal, respectful and intelligent. No dummies make it past a first date with picky Virgo — not even the hot ones! Bookish Virgos can be introverts, and many of you are reluctant to spill your secrets, which makes it hard for people to get close to you. Or, you may dump out all your baggage right away, assuming that the other person can already see all your so-called flaws. Both of these extreme attitudes can prevent you from forming lasting relationships. Although everyone appreciates a great listener, make sure you’re not lending your ears in order to avoid opening up. And if you’re tempted to spill your dirty laundry too quickly, take a deep breath and talk about the weather instead. Like a Virgin, you need to be wooed and courted. Flings bore you, and you rarely indulge in them (or they end up turning into long-term relationships despite your intentions). Virgos have an eye on the real thing. Your family must approve of your mate—and this person will eventually be paraded in front of them before you decide if s/he’s a keeper. You should be able to picture this person as the co-parent of your children. You may be sentimental, but you’re far more practical. You choose with your head before your heart.There’s one exception to this trend. As the sign of the helper, Virgos need to be needed. This can tempt you to fall for a “fixer-upper” type who leaves you drained and unsupported. Remember, it’s not your job to be someone’s therapist or helpmate. There are people who charge $150 an hour to do that—and chances are, you’ve got your own neuroses to deal with.To keep yourself in check, make sure you’re not falling in love with a person’s potential. Just because you’re capable of running the show doesn’t mean that you should! Although it can be easier to give and receive, relationships are a two-way street. Virgos will do anything to avoid that vulnerable feeling of DEPENDING on someone. Yet, once you let down your walls and try it, you’ve just laid the groundwork for real love. Aim for mutuality and respect, a true balance of give and take. Busy-bee Virgo loves to work. Ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication, you’re constantly thinking and strategizing. You always need something to do! Obsessed with organization, many Virgos end up as office managers, or running a bustling department. Your detail-oriented mind keeps track of every little item, and you’re always planning ahead. Filing, labeling, managing data—what seems like a chore to others is a fun day at the office for you. You can’t stand seeing things out of place! You’d be a great interior designer or “clutter consultant,” helping people organize their spaces and minimize junk. (Ironically, you hate throwing anything away yourself, but at least you organize it in neat, ever-growing piles.)With your sharp mind and keen listening skills, you make an excellent journalist, Virgo. You know how to get the facts and put a great story together! Virgo, you’re not afraid to ask people tough questions and get to the bottom of a story. You’re fascinated by what makes people tick, and love to learn about each person you meet. That also makes you a great therapist, social worker or human resources director. Many Virgos are also whizzes at accounting, and as an Earth sign, you excel in natural sciences like biology or botany. You love being outdoors, so why not make nature your virtual office? You have quite a green thumb, and are great with gardening, too.As the ruler of the zodiac’s sixth house of health and organization, a lot of Virgos end up in healing professions, working as yoga teachers, acupuncturists or nutritionists. Quite likely you have a cabinet full of vitamins and herbal remedies, so you’ll always be the unofficial office “doctor,” no matter where you work. Bottom line, you’ve got plenty of options. The only thing that can mess with a Virgo’s success is your perfectionism. Virgo is a highly self-critical sign, and you may avoid going for your dream job because you think you aren’t ready. Take a risk and try! Chances are, you’re way more qualified than you think. Also, your ruler Mercury makes you an information magnet. You’re always the first to hear office gossip, but avoid the temptation to spread it. Lastly, know when to chill. If you take your detail obsession overboard, you can turn into a workaholic and control freak, intimidating co-workers. Remember, everyone has to go home sometime, and that includes you! BEST CAREERS FOR VIRGO: Journalist, office manager, veterinarian, biologist, accountant, social worker, systems designer, project manager, holistic coach
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Libra The Scales (Sept. 23rd to Oct. 22nd) ♎︎
Symbol: The Scales of Justice Element: Air Ruling Planet: Venus — the planet of beauty and love Body Part: Lower back, butt Good Day: Charming, lovable, fair, sincere, sharing, hopelessly romantic Bad Day: Vain, indecisive, melodramatic, manipulative, spoiled, delusional Favorite Things: Concerts at large venues, poetry, expensive jewelry, designer clothes, rich food What You Hate: Dull or practical people, bullies, being pressured to decide, saying goodnight, hearing the word “maybe” Secret Wish: To love and be loved in return How to Spot Them: Small symmetrical features, dimples, gentle eyes, outrageous designer outfits Where You’ll Find Them: Dancing the night away at a warehouse party, philosophizing about life at a coffeeshop, tucked away at home writing a novel, procrastinating, happily mingling at a social event  Keywords: Commitment, Partnership, Equality, Balance, Mutuality, Fairness Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Gemini, Aquarius  Famous Librans: Kim Kardashian, Gwyneth Paltrow, Bruno Mars, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Simon Cowell, Snoop Dogg, Gwen Stefani, Zac Efron, John Lennon, Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Mahatma Gandhi, Vladimir Putin, Rutherford B. Hayes, Chester A. Arthur, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Jimmy Carter, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Shel Silverstein, T.S. Eliot, E.E. Cummings, Oscar Wilde, Donna Karan, Sergio Rossi, Ralph Lauren
Gentle Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and love. Perhaps that explains your smooth talk and pretty face. Like Taurus, which is also Venus-ruled, Libras love to be surrounded by art, culture and beauty in a soft, harmonious environment. You love good food and expensive things. Lovely Libra knows how to charm but behind your dimples and sweet personality, you’re a fighter. Libra is the sign of the scales, and you can’t stand anything that’s unfair or unbalanced. You love a designer outfit as much as you adore a good debate. You’ll stand up for justice, and you’ll do it with style. Libra hates to be rushed–you prefer that everything happen your way, on your time. If that means you’re ten hours late, so be it. You’re a social butterfly who loves to be surrounded by people in a beautiful setting, talking and hanging out for hours. Just remember to save some time for yourself. Libras can get so caught up in the moment, they forget to handle their own responsibilities. Learn the beauty of being organized, and you’ll have all the time in the world to enjoy your beautiful life. Symbolized by the Scales of Justice, Libra epitomizes balance and fairness. This sign’s influence helps restore equilibrium to all affairs, no matter how big or small. From settling a major legal or ethical conflict to determining the best place to hang a painting, Libra energy will stop at nothing to establish interpersonal and aesthetic consonance. Under a Libra planetary transit, we can regain our footing in relationships and seek more balance in our lives. The essence of Libra energy is charming, lovable, fair, sincere, sharing, beautiful and hopelessly romantic. Negative expressions of Libra energy can be vain, indecisive, melodramatic, manipulative, spoiled and delusional. Libra energy enhances our social graces and turns our attention to beauty and style. In Italy, there’s an expression known as la bella figura, in which Italian natives not only dress to impress but also exhibit their brightest, best personalities when in the company of others. Libra transits help us achieve that kind of inner and outer beauty, making us feel like the fairest of them all. Libra is one of the three zodiac signs ruled by the air element. The other two air signs are Gemini and Aquarius. Since Libra is the second air signs, it directs Gemini’s gregarious gusts into gust of grace, good manners and social charms. But Libra is no gale force—this sign brings the winds of change in such a mild and moderate way that you barely even notice that you’ve been swept somewhere new. The essence of air is communicative, intellectual and aids the spread of ideas. With Libra’s interpersonal flair added in, this sign inspires compromise, helpful dialogue and successful relationships. Under the influence of a Libra planetary cycle, we may crave a dynamic duo to accomplish goals that we might not be able to achieve flying solo. Libra is ruled by Venus, the planet of love, luxury, and beauty. Legend has it that when Saturn castrated his father, Uranus, Uranus’ blood spilled into the sea, impregnating the sea foam and giving birth to the goddess Venus. In Renaissance artist Sandro Botticelli’s famous painting The Birth of Venus, the goddess is fully naked, perched exquisitely on a clam shell. Venusian energy adds charm and embellishment to everything it touches, from food to fashion to personality. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Libra is one of the four cardinal signs. These signs start every season—Aries kicks off spring, Cancer starts summer, Libra begins fall and Capricorn is the first winter sign. Thus, they are the leaders and “idea people” of the zodiac. These signs prize originality and like to be first in everything they do. They’re the trendsetters and trendspotters, the ones who get the party started and the crowd hyped. Count on them to initiate a winning idea or plan. Peace, love, and harmony is the Libra M.O. You’ll instantly be swept away by Libra’s charm and pleasant demeanor, enchanged by their wide array of conversation topics. Libra people are the perfect partners for a social justice project, interior design masterpiece, or even just a peaceful day picnicking in the park and strolling around the town. Set these social butterflies free at a networking event and they’ll own the room. Some Libras can be reserved and formal at first. But once you get them talking, a five minute conversation can morph into a three-hour philosophical discourse! Because Libra seeks compromise, this sign dislikes conflict and anything that feels “unfair.” In fact, if you meet an angry Libra, chances are this sign is riled up about an ongoing injustice. Their system simply can’t tolerate it! Many Libras are natural diplomats who will do everything to negotiate between warring parties that just can’t get along. They can accurately see both sides to a situation, and often resolve disputes in an equitable way for all involved. However, there is a population of Libras whose Venusian appetites rule them, eclipsing their sign’s sensibility and driving them to pursue material indulgence at any cost. These Librans use their natural charms and good looks to manipulate others into taking care of them or doing their bidding. As the sign of the Judge, some Libras can even tip the scales into dictatorial behavior and power trips (Libras Simon Cowell, Margaret Thatcher and Vladimir Putin are examples of Libras with a “my way or the highway” attitude). When it comes to their own decision-making, they have an even harder time and will vacillate between “Should I?” or “Shouldn’t I?” You can find Libra people taking in culture at a gallery opening, indulging in a sweet treat or gourmet health food, or shopping for a couture or hand-crafted piece to add to their impressive wardrobes. Libra rules the zodiac’s seventh house of relationships, and you’re at your best when you have a companion to share your life with. A romantic idealist, you’ll wander the Earth looking for the perfect match. In fact, you’ll wait years until the right person comes along, leaving friends and family wondering why someone with your charm and good looks is still single. And if you’re reading this Libra love horoscope, you may be wondering too.Attractive Libra is ruled by beauty-planet Venus. With your wit, finesse, and style, you have plenty of admirers. Many Libras sport finely balanced features and a cute set of dimples. Grooming is important to aesthetic Libras, and you expect your partners to maintain good appearances. Since outgoing Libras love to mingle, you could meet your true love at a party, a singles event…anywhere you can dress up or display your social graces. As the sign of the scales, you’re constantly seeking balance, and for that reason, it’s crucial that you choose partners wisely. Admit it, you can be a softie at times, so watch out for dominating people who try to steamroll you with their demands. Libra is big on equality and fairness, and you need an open-minded mate who wants to share and share alike. You’re equal parts sugar and spice. You like to debate (for fun only—your peace-loving sign hates conflict). You want to be with someone who’s passionate about a few issues, though not too forceful. Your gentle disposition can’t deal with an imposing personality.Libras hate to be rushed and may take years to commit, driving their eager-to-settle-down mates crazy. Like the scales the represent your sign, you’re always going back and forth, “Is this person right for me or not? Could I do better or is this as good as it gets?” While it’s fine to take it slow, you could lose some great catches to your endless deliberating. Libra may be the one sign that actually NEEDS an ultimatum: marry me or else! If you’re that type of Libra, consider this: in a survey of elderly people, most reported that they only regretted the things they DIDN’T try in life, and regretted nothing that they did. So don’t let your fear of making a mistake stop you from taking risks! Who knew this Libra love horoscope was going to be so motivational? The other Libra pitfall is dependency. Since your sign rules the zodiac’s seventh house of “other people,” you may lean too heavily on those around you, expecting them to carry your emotional baggage. This can prevent you from developing a key relationship skill: the ability to feel absolutely whole and content by yourself. The trick for Libras? Strive for balance within yourself, first and foremost. Then, seek a harmonious, equal relationship with a partner who balances you out, and needs you as much as you need him/her. We hope this Libra love horoscope was helpful. Now go out there and find Libra love.  Lucky for you, Libra, you rule the zodiac’s seventh house of relationships: people are your profession! You do best in a career that allows you to work with others — to need and be needed. You thrive on a team, or championing another’s cause as an agent, broker, or representative. With your charm and diplomacy, few can say no to a Libra!Libras love getting to know people, and you may have a mile-long contact list in your cell phone. This is your secret success weapon. Unlike other signs, you rarely shy away from an office party or networking event. You’re in your element when “schmoozing,” but you’ll also go beyond the superficial and share informed opinions. Libra, if you want to build your career, go to well-attended parties and take lots of business cards! We also recommend the book Never Eat Alone, which illustrates how everything you need for career success within your own circle. Ruled by beauty-loving Venus, many Libras work in the arts, or inside the beauty, fashion and design industries. Since you naturally understand balance, you could also work as an architect, graphic designer or engineer. You’re sensitive to color, decor and proportion. Either way, a tasteful work environment is a must. If you’re an entry-level person with little pull, snag a window seat or pretty up your workspace with lovely Libran touches like flowers, framed photos and elegant office accessories. Libra is the peacemaker sign; you hate conflict. You’ll either avoid it by working in a harmonious environment, or you’ll leap into the fray as a career as a social justice advocate, peace activist or even an attorney. As the sign of the scales, you’re constantly weighing and measuring information, and can earn a reputation as a wise judge or a source of strong opinions. As an outspoken American Idol judge, Libra Simon Cowell blends this trait with your sign’s artistic bent.Your main pitfall is procrastination. Libras hate to be rushed, and you may gab too long at the water cooler or even report to work late. You also fiddle endlessly with projects, missing the deadline or having to pull an all-nighter instead of getting your Libra beauty rest. Dressing for work is another trap, since you’ll deliberate endlessly about what to wear. Remember, your ability to meet deadlines shapes your reputation as much as your keen sense of style. Be rigorous with yourself about punctuality. Get up two hours earlier to curl your eyelashes or iron your silk shirt — but be on time! BEST CAREERS FOR LIBRA: Journalist, fashion designer, interior decorator, creative director, artist, publicist, lawyer, judge, party promoter, makeup artist, food critic, human rights advocate, filmmaker, mediator, agent, broker, engineer, architect.
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Scorpio The Scorpion (Oct. 23rd to Nov. 21st) ♏︎
Symbol: The Scorpion Element: Water Ruling Planet: Pluto — the planet of power and regeneration Body Part: Crotch, reproductive organs Good Day: Magnetic, passionate, loyal, protective, trendsetting, brave Bad Day: Obsessive, possessive, jealous, secretive, vengeful, manipulative Favorite Things: Underground music, spicy food, an air of danger, one-of-a-kind objects, wireless devices, organic ingredients, vinyl What You Hate: Simple-minded people, insincere flattery, personal questions, living at someone else’s house Secret Wish: To have complete and total control How to Spot Them: Intense eyes, a hawk-like gaze, smooth movements Where You’ll Find Them: In the studio producing a platinum album, sitting at the corner table of an underground bar, taking things apart and figuring how to put them back together again Keywords: Intimacy, Sex, Secrecy, Power, Intensity, Obsession Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Cancer, Pisces Famous Scorpios: Hillary Clinton, Drake, Katy Perry, Leonardo DiCaprio, Bill Gates, Willow Smith, Kris Jenner, Caitlyn Jenner, Kendall Jenner, Tyga, Lamar Odom, Puff Daddy, Calvin Klein, Shailene Woodley, Lorde, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Julia Roberts, Kendall Jenner, Willow Smith, Katy Perry, Emma Stone, John Adams, James K. Polk, James A. Garfield, Theodore Roosevelt, Warren G. Harding, Sylvia Plath, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Robert Louis Stevenson, Voltaire, Stefano Gabbana, Roberto Cavalli
Intense Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, planet of power and control. Pluto is a tiny powerhouse, and a bit of a mystery; in mythology Pluto was the god of the underworld. Many Scorpios are also drawn to “dark” things, and often wear the color black, or a shocking tone like red or hot pink. Like Pluto, Scorpio’s power often emanates from a hidden source, even when you don’t say a word. Mysterious Scorpio is the zodiac’s most misunderstood sign. You’re so powerful that people feel your presence, even before you’ve said a word! Sensitive Scorpio picks up vibes. You see every little detail, and you can read people like an open book. Once your friends get used to your high-intensity style, they know that you’re fiercely loyal. Anyone who betrays you had better watch out! Like a Scorpion, you’ll deliver a painful sting of revenge. Since your sign is naturally secretive, work on being more open with people. This will develop trust, and improve your relationships. Scorpio’s concentration powers are amazing, but be careful not to get obsessed. Curb any jealous or possessive feelings by pouring your energy into a creative project or passion.Ruled by the all-powerful and seductive Scorpion, Scorpio is perhaps the most misunderstood and mysterious sign of the zodiac. Secretive by nature, this sign brings us to shadowy and hidden places that we don’t usually have the courage to face. The sign of life, death and resurrection, Scorpio energy embraces these life cycles and continually transforms and reinvents itself. There are actually four incarnations of Scorpio: the first is the venomous, possessive Scorpion itself; the second is the slippery, charming-yet-deadly snake; the third is the soaring eagle whose piercing gaze sharply observes the landscape (and its prey) below; and the final version is the ever-burning, all-seeing Phoenix that rises up from the ashes into eternal rebirth. Under a Scorpio planetary transit, we may find ourselves dealing with some intense people and energy, even holing ourselves up late at night to process complex emotions or channel our overwhelming feelings into focused work and creativity. The essence of Scorpio energy is magnetic, passionate, loyal, protective, trendsetting, controlling, powerful, charismatic, transformational, focused, loyal, healing, psychic, bonding-oriented and brave. On the flip side, negative Scorpio energy can be obsessive, possessive, jealous, secretive, vengeful, cruel, calculating and manipulative. Scorpio is one of the three zodiac signs ruled by the water element. The other two water signs are Cancer and Pisces. Since Scorpio is the second water sign, it channels Cancer’s intuitive tides into a forceful stream of psychic and healing energy. Scorpio energy excels in exploring the darker, unexamined sides of life. It gives excellent research and sleuthing skills, helping us plumb the depths and peer below the surface. Scorpio energy helps out in our darkest hours; this sign is not afraid to go to the murky waters of the emotional and spiritual unknown. Under a Scorpio planetary cycle, intense feelings surface around our closest ties. This sign rules merging, bonding and sharing resources. Under Scorpio’s influence, we may get obsessive about a passion project or lover, even becoming jealous or insecure. Mysterious Scorpio makes us want to hide our vulnerabilities. Yet, those raw and unprocessed feelings are Scorpio’s access to power. Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, god of the underworld and all things connected to the occult. The legend goes that the primary Greek gods—Jupiter, Neptune, and Pluto—drew straws to determine who would respectively rule the Earth, the ocean, and the underworld. Unfortunately, Pluto received the bad end of the deal and was compelled to oversee the domain of the deceased. Pluto is often depicted sitting on his throne with a two-pronged staff. Since Pluto wasn’t discovered until the 1930s, Scorpio has Mars as its minor ruler. Mars is the god of war who is depicted as charging forth into battle. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. There are four fixed signs—Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. These signs fall in the middle of every season. They’re the stabilizers—the ones who set up a solid goal or foundation, then start building. Fixed signs can take the enthusiastic ideas that cardinal signs spark, and craft them into something real. They pick up the ball when the cardinal sign passes it, and run the distance to the goal. Fixed signs are the trustworthy types who like “to-do” lists and fancy titles. If a cardinal signs says, “Let’s go on vacation!” the fixed sign will call the travel agency, book the tickets and hotel, and send everyone a list of what to pack. Scorpio people can be tricky to spot. With their reserved personas, they seldom starts a conversation or expresses interest in others openly—unless they feel out the situation first. Once you get them to open up, however, you’ll feel their scorching passion for whatever topics fascinate them. Be warned: Scorpios can focus on one subject to an extreme, so you may be in for a deeper dive than you expect—or want! But their natural charisma can quickly pique your interest in the topic, too. Many Scorpios are cutting-edge trendsetters with cultlike followings! Another way to spot them? Look for the piercing Scorpionic gaze, which is hawklike, narrowing in on its “prey” with hypnotic and piercing eyes. If you happen to be the object of that look, watch out! You could feel read as easily as a children’s book, as Scorpio seems to just KNOW all your secrets, soft spots and fears. Their focused attention can be addictive, and even painful when it’s pulled away. Be careful how quickly you fall down that Scorpio rabbit hole—it’s not as easy to crawl back up. When you befriend a Scorpio, you form a power couple or formidable alliance. While they don’t give up their loyalty and trust easily, once they do, they’ll stick with you through thick and thin. Don’t even think about double-crossing a Scorpio, though, because they WILL unleash their fury on you, divulging all of your secrets and airing your dirty laundry. Revenge is their favorite dish to serve…ice cold! On a positive note, Scorpios are the perfect people to help you explore your darker emotions or sexuality, guiding you through fifty-plus shades of irresistible and soul-communing experiences. Although this sign may crave complete and utter control over everything, Scorpios secretly yearn for the very thing they fear: true intimacy with others. It takes a lot for Scorpio to reveal their vulnerability, so guard that privilege with the utmost care. As Scorpios open up and learns to show their shadow side, they can heal in ways that are truly profound. Scorpio rules the zodiac’s eighth house of intense bonding. In love, you play for keeps. There’s no middle ground for extreme Scorpio — you’re either in or you’re out. Your sign has quite a reputation. You’re known as the “sex” sign, jealous, controlling, irresistible, obsessive…whew!It’s true, your passionate sign can be intense. One minute, you’re aloof and mysterious, driving partners crazy as they vie for your ever-shifting attention. The next minute, you’re in a committed long-term relationship. You are the sign that rules extremes and you can run hotter and colder than most. Take Scorpio Matthew McConaughey, who was voted People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” He can be the ultimate bachelor AND the world’s most devoted boyfriend. You can’t help it if you’re “versatile”! Suspicious Scorpios don’t trust easily, and will fight intimacy every step of the way. Love is both tempting and frightening to you. Deep down, you long to give yourself fully to that perfect soulmate. You’re both threatened and intrigued by a dynamic, powerful partner. Still, you’ve got no interest in pushovers. As the zodiac’s most passionate sign, you need someone who can hold his ground and keep you guessing.In relationships, you don’t just commit, you FUSE with the other person. For that reason, you’re reluctant to dive in, because you know you’ll “lose yourself” once you do. Although this concept gets a bad rap, it’s actually an essential part of intimacy (which Scorpio rules). When—and if—you surrender to love, you and your mate become one. Beautiful!To get there, you must work through your control issues. Scorpio rules psychology, and a great therapist can be essential for you. You also benefit from yoga, meditation, spirituality, or any practice that strengthens you internally and calms your irrational fears.For Scorpio, relationships are like the stock market. You want to make sure the long-term payoff is worth the effort. At times, this attitude can make you your own worst enemy. Like an undercover cop, you’ll seduce prospective mates into revealing their most intimate thoughts. Pretending to be fascinated, you catalog every detail, building a case for or against this person. You may conduct a private investigation, too, snooping in diaries, checking pockets, or Googling for incriminating evidence.Too much of this FBI approach could take its toll, though. True love requires risk and vulnerability — it’s not always safe. If you pry without revealing your own hand, partners may bolt. But they should also be careful what they wish for. Once the Scorpio floodgates open, you can overwhelm partners with your intense energy and the need to lose yourself in a mystical, highly charged union.Ultimately, Scorpio is a private sign. Paparazzi, step off! Once you settle on a mate, you like to build a quiet world for two, designed according to your master plan. Obviously, those secret Scorpio worlds must be enticing, as very few partners ever leave you! When it comes to your career, Scorpio, you’re on a serious mission. You pour yourself into work with the same smoldering intensity that you bring to everything else you do. No detail escapes you, and you’ll do almost anything to get what you want.Scorpio is the sign of power and control. Although you crave security, you also thrive on competition. Nothing engages a Scorpio more than pursuing an out-of-reach goal that promises power, lifelong financial security or a chance to be seen as the best in your field.Scorpio rules the zodiac’s eighth house of other people’s property and large chunks of money. You could thrive as a real estate mogul, tax attorney, investment pro, media mogul, or anything that involves handling a large fortune. Scorpio is a limber, body-conscious sign, and you may express your intensity through a physical career: a body worker, yoga teacher or physical therapist. Because you rule birth and death, you could even be a mortician! (Hey, somebody’s gotta do it.) Scorpios pay precise attention to detail, and you love to plumb the depths of any subject. You could make an excellent editor or psychologist. With your natural creativity, you can also be a great artist or musician — at the very least, you could be an expert in obscure music or a great producer. Though you long for fame, secretive Scorpios are uncomfortable bragging. And boasting is SO unflattering to your sign (are you listening, Sean P. Diddy Scorpio Combs?). It makes you seem desperate or annoyingly cocky (translation: insecure) — tarnishing that intimidating, oh-so-powerful vibe that we love and fear in Scorpios. That said, too much secretiveness could work against you, too. Because you simmer with such powerful energy, people who don’t know you may feel overwhelmed when you unleash it on them. Or, they may simply sense that “something’s up” and suspect that you have a hidden agenda. You’re the sign of extremes, so be careful not to be too brash or forceful — and be sure to reveal your intentions upfront rather than being overly mysterious. Scorpios should instead find ways to showcase your secretly cultivated gifts without looking like YOU staged the publicity campaign. Your sign is like a magnet, so focus on drawing others to you by inventing a new brand of cool, rather than chasing after them. Our good friend Debbie Stoller, publisher of BUST magazine, singlehandedly spawned a knitting revolution, turning a retro hobby into the bestselling Stitch ‘n Bitch book series. Nothing says “world domination” more than the quiet, come-hither energy of a Scorpio basking in his/her power. Best Careers for Scorpio: Lawyer, real estate mogul, bodyworker, psychologist, investment banker, psychic, tax attorney, mortician, journalist, musician
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Sagittarius The Archer (Nov. 22nd to Dec. 21st) ♐︎
Symbol: The Archer or Centaur Element: Fire Ruling Planet: Jupiter — the planet of luck and expansion Body Part: Hips, thighs Good Day: Honest, fair-minded, inspiring, optimistic, enthusiastic, encouraging, dedicated Bad Day: Argumentative, reckless, flaky, preachy, tactless, overconfident Favorite Things: Dares, flirting, pets, pop music, international travel, laughter, karaoke, books, inspirational stories What You Hate: Prejudice, routines, rules, being bored, taking things too seriously, the words “you can’t” Secret Wish: To make the rules How to Spot Them: Strong legs, laughing eyes, comedic facial expressions Where You’ll Find Them: Organizing a talent show, publishing a tell-all ‘zine, cracking inappropriate jokes in the middle of a staff meeting, backpacking through South America Keywords: Adventure, Travel, Expansion, Honesty, Outspokenness, Wisdom Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Aries, Leo Famous Sagittarians: Brad Pitt, Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Sia, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Jay-Z, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Ian Somerhalder, Vanessa Hudgens, Rita Ora, Trey Songz, Jake T. Austin, Scarlett Johannson, Christina Aguilera, Jake Gyllenhal, Chrissy Teigen, Martin Van Buren, Zachary Taylor, Franklin Pierce, Emily Dickinson, Mark Twain, Manolo Blahnik, Gianni Versace, Joseph Stalin
Cheerful Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, the largest planet in the solar system. Jupiter is the “happy” planet, full of energy and confidence. Sagittarians often reflect Jupiter’s larger-than-life persona. As the zodiac’s traveler, Sagittarius is the ultimate free spirit: optimistic, open-minded and ambitious. You’re happiest in wide-open spaces with plenty of adventure and excitement. You juggle a million projects, hobbies and friends. The more, the merrier! Sagittarius is forever pursuing a super-sized goal. Even when you fail, nothing can keep you down. You’ll chalk it up as a life lesson and inspire everyone with tales of your experience. As the sign of wisdom and truth, Sagittarius loves to “tell it like it is,” especially when it makes people laugh. However, your honesty doesn’t always come in the prettiest package. You’ve been known to bruise feelings with your bluntness. Cultivate patience, and be careful not to come off as a know-it-all. Although Sag loves the thrill of a new project or friendship, you don’t always finish what you start. Work on keeping your promises and commitments. Ruled by the straight-shooting Archer, Sagittarius energy manifests through enlightenment, travel and truth-seeking. Curious Sagittarius makes us hunger to expand and learn, sending us on adventures to determine the meaning of existence. Philosophical Sagittarius rules higher learning and university settings. It inspires scintillating symposiums and discussions on the deeper aspects of life. Restless, globetrotting Sagittarius loves the great outdoors. Under its influence you might camp under the stars or play urban explorer in a bustling new city. While enthusiastic Sagittarius helps us take risks and big leaps of faith, we can bite off more than we can chew. Under this sign’s influence, we need to know our limits. Otherwise, we can get excited about starting new projects, but fail to follow through. The essence of Sagittarius energy is honest, fair-minded, inspiring, optimistic, enthusiastic, encouraging, and dedicated. Negative expressions of Sagittarius energy can be argumentative, reckless, flaky, preachy, and tactless. What’s most brilliant about Sagittarius, though, is its indefatigable thirst for adventure. With this optimistic sign at the helm, every moment of life can feel like pure magic! Sagittarius is one of the three zodiac signs ruled under the fire element. The other two fire signs are Aries and Leo. Since Sagittarius is the third and final fire sign, it harnesses Aries’ trailblazing and Leo’s fiery leadership into a cosmic supernova of universal wisdom and action. Sagittarius is the inspirer and eternal optimist of the zodiac, challenging us to go big and seek limitless possibilities. Under the influence of a Sagittarius planetary cycle, we may feel pumped to travel, learn, connect across cultures and expand our horizons. Prepare to collect some passport stamps as this fiery sign loves to blaze a trail from Bali to Burma to Boston and beyond! Sagittarius is ruled by expansive Jupiter, the largest planet in our solar system. As a result, this sign can be “larger than life.” Jupiter is one of the gas giants, and indeed, overconfident Sagittarius energy can seem full of hot air at times. Leaping without looking is a Sagittarius habit. Luckily, fortunate Jupiter helps us land on our feet. But it’s not without a few bumps and bruises (also known as “life lessons” in the Book of Sag). Jupiter was the most widely revered god in ancient Roman times, often referred to as Jupiter Optimus Maximus (literally translating to “all good” and “all powerful”). Not surprisingly, his was the largest temple in Rome. Sagittarius desires the biggest and best, at times to the point of excess and indulgence. In fact, Jupiter was the mythic god of the feast. People with Sagittarius in their charts may quickly expand in girth. Hedonism and decadence without limit can make Sagittarius energy too much of a good thing. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Sagittarius is one of the four mutable signs. These signs end every season—and have learned the hard lessons taught by spring, summer, fall and winter. The mutable signs—Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces—know that all good things come to an end, and their role is to prepare everyone for the changing of seasons. Mutable signs are the adapters of the zodiac, a little bit older and wiser. More flexible and comfortable with change than other signs, they can “chameleon” themselves to fit into a variety of situations. Mutables are also the editors of the zodiac—the ones who complete the package with a winning touch. A plan can be sparked by a cardinal sign, built by a fixed sign, then perfected with the critical eye of a mutable sign. Send in the clowns! Witty Sagittarians can be some of the funniest and most entertaining people you’ll meet. They have a gift for seeing the absurdity of human nature and turning it into comic material. Yet, Sagittarians can also be wise and philosophical, revealing perspectives you might not otherwise see. This sign is ruled by the Centaur, a half-human, half-horse mythical creature. From the waist up, these knowledge-seekers are reaching for the highest truth. From the waist down…it’s all animal instinct and restless hooves. (It’s not easy being the ruler of ethics and the hips and thighs!) Busy Sagittarians have a million friends, projects and irons in the fire. As a result, they may not be the most reliable day-to-day allies. But if you have a five-alarm crisis, they’ll rush in for an epic save, even if you haven’t seen them in years. Time and distance are irrelevant to this sign—they have friends in every port, and if they connect with you, that’s all that matters. Personal development falls under the Sagittarius domain. They’re always up for meeting in a far-flung locale, taking a road trip or joining you for a weekend workshop. Falling for a Sag? Proceed at your own risk. While they can be deeply loyal and monogamous, these explorers must first sow their oats. Sagittarius is known as the “bachelor” sign. These natural risk-takers love to take on dares, and are shameless flirts to boot. You might find them organizing a talent show, rocking the karaoke mic, standing in an airport line, publishing a tell-all blog, or cracking bawdy jokes in the midst of a meeting. In love, Sagittarius is full of contradictions. Symbolized by the centaur, the mythical half-horse/half-human, you’re governed by both animal instincts and enlightened thinking. Sagittarius rules morals, wisdom, higher education…along with the hips and thighs. Although you’re always striving for divine inspiration, you’ve got a serious lust for life’s “earthly pleasures.” No wonder you’re often torn in two directions! You’re the zodiac’s free spirit, a true traveler who’s comfortable on the road. Although you hate feeling tied down, you also crave a soulmate to experience the world with. You have a huge appetite for life, and your partners must share that quality. Finding someone who can keep up with your endless quest for adventure and expansion is no easy task. For this reason, many Sagittarians can be single for long periods of time. When you actually ARE in relationships, they tend to be all consuming–at least, at first. As a passionate fire sign, you throw yourself in everything with the force of a speeding train. Keeping up that pace is well nigh impossible. Reign in the urge to merge, and stay committed to the life you had before you met “The One.” Otherwise your fairy tale romance can fizzle as quickly as it sizzles.Sagittarians are dreamers, always creating huge projects. Ruled by expansive Jupiter (the largest planet in our solar system), you think BIG with everything. You long to create new worlds — like Sagittarians Walt Disney and Steven Spielberg. You need a mate with enough vision to encourage you, but one who’s still grounded enough to reassure you when the going gets tough. A late-blooming sign, you can be a notorious bachelor(ette) in your early years. Sagittarius is the sign of the hunter, and the chase thrills you.  You’re not afraid to brag about your conquests, either. With your honesty and good humor, you rarely make enemies, since you tell your flings upfront that you’re just looking for a good time. In fact, you may have a long roster of exes who’ve morphed into close friends. As the zodiac’s optimist, you always see your mate’s potential. Warning: be sure that the object of your affection is actually dedicated to fulfilling it. You are one of the zodiac’s most generous signs, and you’ll gladly share your financial resources to help your love get ahead. Those rose-colored glasses can drain your emotions and your bank account if you aren’t careful. For Sag, love is blind, but lust is blinder.Bottom line: Don’t let physical attraction overshadow your need for a supportive partner who pulls their weight. Sharing your wisdom is one thing, but playing life coach will drain you in the end. Ask yourself: Is this relationship taking place in my head or in the present? Or does it suck today, but I’m hoping that it’s gonna be great once they get a new job/forgive their mother/move out of the basement/leave their spouse? Hope is your addiction, and it ain’t a healthy one. Since spiritual Sags love to read, a good self-help book and some creative visualization can help you get out of such a trap.Writing down your “love visions” in a clear-headed moment can serve as a checklist when you feel yourself going off the deep end for Mr. Wrong. Fortunately, Sagittarius is the zodiac’s luckiest sign. Although you play with fire, you always bounce back once you wise up. Life always throws you another grand opportunity, and if your partner doesn’t come along for the ride, you can set sail and move forward to new adventures once you put your mind to it. As with everything, Sagittarius, you need a career that offers a wide playing field with plenty of freedom and excitement. You’re the sign of the traveler, an inspired visionary who requires big dreams and lots of stimulation. Sitting still is a challenge! A natural entrepreneur, your sign thrives working for yourself, with nobody lurking over your shoulder or telling you when to wake up. Sagittarians love to do things your way, according to your vision. Because you have lots of interests, it can be hard to focus on just one. You love to explore, but you hate to commit, for fear that you’ll miss out. To prevent eternal wandering, we recommend reading Doing Work You Love — the title alone summarizes Sag’s essential career need. Without passion and inspiration, you can sink into depression. As the sign that rules higher education, you’re a lifelong learner — and teacher. Load up on classes and books that expand your mind and spark new ideas. You love to make people think AND laugh, like Sagittarius wordsmiths Winston Churchill, Mark Twain and Jay-Z. Sagittarius rules publishing and public speaking — two great outlets for your unusual ideas. Sagittarians are notoriously swept up in new projects before finishing the last ten you started. Patience is not your forte. You’re the sign of the Archer, so you need a target. Having a clear, project-oriented goal helps you build the follow-through skills your sign often lacks.If you’re an extremely restless Sagittarius, consider outdoor work, like our dad, a Sagittarius landscaper who works for himself. Your sign also rules travel, so you could work in another country, as a travel agent, or in a job that keeps you on the road. Remember, by trying not to commit to one thing, you can spread yourself too thin and end up overwhelmed. If you crave variety, consider doing seasonal work, consulting, or signing on as an independent contractor rather than a full-time employee. This gives claustrophobic Sag a short-term deadline and flexible hours while still providing financial security. BEST CAREERS FOR SAGITTARIUS: Entrepreneur, author, publisher, motivational speaker, designer/creative department, salesperson, professor, travel guide, outdoor worker, international human rights organizer, environmentalist, freelance anything
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Capricorn The Goat (Dec. 22nd to Jan. 19th) ♑︎
Symbol: The Mountain Goat Element: Earth Ruling Planet: Saturn — the planet of discipline and maturity Body Part: Knees, skin, bones, teeth Good Day: Loyal, family-minded, hardworking, devoted, honest, fearless Bad Day: Pessimistic, unforgiving, cold, materialistic, snobbish, hopeless Favorite Things: Business cards, goals, official titles, being in charge, exclusive clubs, “leg sports” like soccer or track, motorcycles, leather What You Hate: Quitting, shouting in public, careless mistakes, traveling without an itinerary, doing things “just for the heck of it” Secret Wish: To have every need taken care of How to Spot Them: Distinctive jaw, strong teeth, wise look in the eyes Where You’ll Find Them: Enjoying quality time with the family, working obsessively on a large-scale project, running for Senior Vice President of the company, directing a full-length feature film Keywords: Ambition, Structure, Goals, Long-Term Plans, Prestige, Public Image/Acclaim Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Taurus, Virgo  Famous Capricorns: David Bowie, Muhammad Ali, Kate Middleton, Martin Luther King Jr., Michelle Obama, Zayn Malik, Denzel Washington, Nicolas Cage, Meghan Trainor, LeBron James, Elvis Presley, Lewis Hamilton, Gabby Douglas, Pitbull, Liam Hemsworth, Ellie Goulding, Cody Simpson, Jared Leto, Howard Stern, Betty White, Psy, Calvin Harris, Millard Fillmore, Andrew Johnson, Woodrow Wilson, Richard M. Nixon, David Sedaris, Nicolas Sparks, J.D. Salinger, J.R.R. Tolkien, Edgar Allen Poe, Kate Spade, Alexander Wang, Diane von Fürstenburg, Christian Louboutin
Serious Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, the planet of tough lessons and wisdom. As a result, many Capricorns are “old souls” who play by the rules and follow tradition. Accustomed to regular butt-kickings from Saturn, you often see life as an uphill battle, with the ultimate reward arriving only through suffering and sacrifice. Ambitious Capricorn is symbolized by a mountain goat climbing up a rocky hill, taking one cautious step at a time. And that’s exactly how patient Caps like to do everything. You’ll skip the good stuff today if it means getting the reward tomorrow. That’s why your sign has more trophies and loyal friends than any other–you stay strong through the hard times. Hardworking Caps are devoted to their friends and families, and people count on you for support. You always keep your word. Remember to let yourself have fun, too! Life doesn’t always have to be a struggle. It’s okay to enjoy your victories, even if you didn’t work hard to win them. Lighten up and share your wacky, down-to-earth humor. When you get moody, let your family and closest friends be there for you–just as you always are for them. Ruled by the driven and persistent Mountain Goat, Capricorn energy is willful and determined, focused on the loftiest goals. Capricorn helps us set our minds on an outcome, and reach the finish line. It may be an epic “hero’s journey” to get there, which is why we need Capricorn’s steely grit and unparalleled resilience. Taking the road less traveled isn’t how this traditional sign rolls. Instead, Capricorn maps out the straightest and simplest route to the top, then sticks to its plan. Even if it takes a little more time to get there without shortcuts, ambitious Capricorn will make the trek. The essence of Capricorn energy is loyal, structured, family-minded, hardworking, devoted, honest, and paternal. Negative expressions of Capricorn energy can be pessimistic, unforgiving, cold, materialistic, snobbish, elitist and overly serious. Capricorn energy can be overly harsh or calculating. The dutiful side of Capricorn can be its downfall. This stoic sign may repress a lot to be the “rock” for others, which can lead to a heavy or burdened energy. Capricorn is one of the three zodiac signs ruled under the earth element. The other two earth signs are Taurus and Virgo. Since Capricorn is the third and final earth sign, it combines Taurus’ rock-solid foundation and Virgo’s skillful plans into a high rise penthouse fit for world domination. Capricorn people are the master strategists and CEOs of the zodiac, who always keep one eye on a five- or ten-year plan. Under the influence of a Capricorn planetary cycle, we’ll feel more motivated to take on our biggest goals and create structures in our lives that will last the test of time. The planetary ruler of Capricorn is stern and authoritative Saturn. In Greek mythology, Saturn is also known as Cronus, who is literally “Father Time.” The legend goes that Saturn—in a rebellious act to overthrow his father, Uranus—castrated his dad and assumed power as the next-of-kin. Much like Saturn, Capricorns are the “daddy” sign of the Zodiac, and want to be respected for their paternalistic command. Additionally, Saturn is the planet of repression, which can make Capricorn urges come out in shocking or subversive ways. Don’t be surprised if Capricorn has a few freaky secrets under the stoic exterior. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Aries is one of the four cardinal signs. These signs start every season—Aries kicks off spring, Cancer starts summer, Libra begins fall and Capricorn is the first winter sign. Thus, they are the leaders and “idea people” of the zodiac. These signs prize originality and like to be first in everything they do. They’re the trendsetters and trendspotters, the ones who get the party started and the crowd hyped. Count on them to initiate a winning idea or plan. Busy busy! You can find Capricorns enjoying quality time with family, working obsessively on a large-scale project, or running for a prestigious role. Capricorn people like to mix business with pleasure. They often develop tight bonds with people they meet on the job or through a team project. They are the “popular people” of the zodiac, so friends who can help increase their status are valuable assets. Capricorns were born with their eyes on the prize. Once they’ve set their sights on something, they begin to climb slowly and steadily toward that goal. Often they become so focused on reaching the finish line that they fail to pay attention to the journey, looking neither to the right nor the left. They believe that if they just keep pushing ahead, eventually they’ll get what they want. Capricorns need to learn flexibility and to listen a little more to their heart than their heads at times if they want to feel fulfilled inside and out. Ambitious as they may be, not all Capricorns have relentless drive. When they slip into lounge mode, they can relax with the best of ’em, becoming practically immobile! Work hard, play hard is the M.O. of this sign. Other times, they overwhelm themselves by setting such impossible goals that they get discouraged, giving up before they’ve even left the starting gate. Capricorns do best when they break their grand plans into measurable action steps. Their friends need to remind Capricorns to celebrate their victories—not jus the huge ones but the small triumphs and milestones along the way. Persistent Capricorn approaches love as serious business. As the zodiac’s most goal-oriented sign, you’re not one to play around. Chances are, you’ve got a 10-year plan for your life, and your partner must forward that agenda. Flings aren’t really your bag; you’d rather be alone than jump from partner to partner. With this attitude, it’s no wonder many Capricorns marry more than once. You’re so eager to settle down and start a family that you may not screen your spouse thoroughly. As the sign of public image, Capricorns are status-conscious. Whatever you value — college degrees, money, or good looks — your partner must possess it in spades. You’re also huge on family, and you’re deeply loyal to your own. You often act as the “rock” that your family leans on, and you dutifully play this role. If your mate doesn’t mesh with your family, all bets are off!Workaholic Caps are determined about professional goals, too. Your sign rules the zodiac’s tenth house of career, and you’ve got CEO written all over you. Although you find work fulfilling, don’t let your long office hours eclipse your personal life. Strive for balance. You may be on the early retirement track, but at what cost to your relationship? If you don’t give your relationships care and feeding along the way, you could be sailing off on your yacht at age 45 with divorce papers in your hand. In other words, Capricorn, try approaching your love life with the same dedication that you put into your job, and you could have a fairy tale romance that lasts a lifetime. The loyalty of Capricorns is not to be underestimated, no matter how flirty you appear on the surface. Capricorns rule history and value things that last over time. The person you’ve known longest is often who you marry—regardless of compatibility. You assume that anyone who keeps coming back around, or attracting you back to him, must really love you or he would have moved on. It’s a funny way to measure love, but nobody can tell you otherwise! As an earth sign, Capricorns have a lusty appetite, and are known to stray on occasion. Oddly, you don’t consider a meaningless hookup cheating. If you haven’t given away your heart or material assets, it doesn’t count in your book. Of course, your partners may not agree — and thus come the memorable explosions. Ruled by Saturn, the planet of repression, many Caps have a wild streak underneath that serious, traditional facade. Only a chosen few (if anyone) will experience your out-there fantasies. It could take a very open-minded person to understand! Caution: a Capricorn deprived of a stable family could spend her whole life stuck in resentment or regret, never allowing love into her life. Behind this is a deep reservoir of self-doubt, which all Capricorns must struggle against. Caps who experienced early family traumas should find an understanding therapist, and work persistently through your issues. As with everything you do, determination is your secret weapon. You’re used to fighting for what you want, so why not aim for a wonderful, loving relationship? You deserve it! Capricorn, your sign rules the zodiac’s tenth house of career and achievement. You’re in your element at work! A dedicated professional, you love to plan and set goals. You don’t care if it takes ten years to reach your destination. Capricorn is symbolized the mountain goat, and you view life as a rocky uphill climb. Unlike other signs, you expect to face a few bumps along the way. Even when you get discouraged, you rarely let an obstacle stop you for long.Capricorn rules structure, and you need it. Although you make a great CEO or manager, the rollercoaster ride of entrepreneurship can drive your nervous sign crazy. If you want to run or own a business, you’d do best heading up a well-established corporation, or wisely choosing an industry where profit is guaranteed. The key for Capricorn is planning. Research your field, or write a business plan and follow it to the letter. You could also plug into a franchise or pre-existing business model and follow the steps to success. Although you may gravitate toward a traditional career in the corporate sector, Capricorns can be highly artistic. With your flair for structure, you make a great designer, architect or head of a creative department. Being an earth sign, you’re tuned into the sensuality of colors, shapes and textures. Musical ability is also common for Caps, and you may have a deep, rich voice.Capricorn is the sign of public honors and fame. You love to be rewarded or acknowledged for a job well done. Trophies, bonuses, and titles turn you on. You love all the trimmings of a successful career: monogrammed stationery, embossed business cards, a gold-plated or leatherbound desk set. Why not? With your sights set on a goal, a little incentive goes a long way in keeping you motivated!What could you add to recipe for success? Moderation. Capricorns are at high risk for becoming workaholics. You may not know when to put the work down and have fun. If you’re not careful, work can dominate at the expense of friends, family, health and happiness. While Capricorns are often the family breadwinners, make sure you have a healthy balance of pleasure in your hectic schedule, too. BEST CAREERS FOR CAPRICORN: Film producer, manager, politician, police officer, stockbroker, doctor, president, school principal, CEO, financial planner, business owner, architect, creative director
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Aquarius The WaterBearer (Jan. 20th to Feb. 18th) ♒︎
Symbol: The Water Bearer Element: Air Ruling Planet: Uranus — planet of originality Body Part: Ankles Good Day: Communicative, original, open-minded, fair, logical, inviting Bad Day: Guarded, detached, self-destructive, out-of-touch, irrational, desperate Favorite Things: Computer programming, teaching, team sports, anything with a cause or mission, independent films What You Hate: Injustice, drama queens, feeling isolated, owing money or favors, having to choose just one thing Secret Wish: To experience total freedom How to Spot Them: Cute smile, quirky movements, darting eyes, long legs Where You’ll Find Them: Backpacking through the Swiss Alps, picketing a company with unfair hiring practices, coaching a Little League team, revolutionizing the industry you work in Keywords: Friendliness, Eccentricity, Teamwork, Humanitarianism, Technology, Futuristic, Groups Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Gemini, Libra  Famous Aquarians: Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Aniston, Bob Marley, Harry Styles, Justin Timberlake, Emma Roberts, Alicia Keys, Bobby Brown, Nick Carter, Sarah Palin, Mischa Barton, Michael Jordan, Ellen DeGeneres, Taylor Lautner, Ed Sheeran, Shakira, The Weeknd, John Travolta, Chloe Grace Moretz, Abraham Lincoln, Dr. Dre, Ayn Rand, William Henry Harrison, William McKinley, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, Virginia Woolf, Langston Hughes, Gertrude Stein, Charles Dickens, Toni Morrison, Christian Dior
Avant-garde Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, the only planet in the solar system that spins on its side! Just like your celestial overlord, you’ve been known to do things your own way, moving on a path different from everyone else’s. Some call you eccentric, others appreciate your cutting-edge originality and authentic style. One of the many ways that Aquarius is a paradox? You’re highly individualistic, but also an amazing team player. Aquarius rules the zodiac’s eleventh house of teamwork, technology and friendship. You might look like the fresh-faced guy or girl next door on the outside, but inside you march to your own beat. Many Aquarians are also naturally popular, as your vibrantly social sign loves to be among your people, telling jokes and introducing thought-provoking conversation topics. People truly do make your world go round, and you can become insta-BFFs with the most random strangers. As the sign of the future, you can be a bit of an alien—a little “out there” in your approach. Not that you care about offending anyone! Aquarius rules casual connections, and you can disengage as quickly as you connect. In fact, your platonic pals may get better treatment than your romantic partners. While you can be a bit unsentimental on a one-on-one level, you can be moved to tears by the plight of animals, the environment or other social justice issues. Yes, you’re a bohemian at heart in some ways, but you also get the job done. As a tenacious fixed sign, you can be quite hardworking when you devote yourself to a goal. A competitive (and lesser-known) Type A streak can emerge when you really want something. Nothing turns you on like progress, especially in the name of your grander ideals! Symbolized by the philanthropic and objective Water Bearer, Aquarius energy is innovative and avant-garde. From experimental electronic music to community-oriented living, there’s nothing that this sign won’t explore. As the sign that rules groups and teams, bringing people together around a social cause or political agenda is an Aquarian specialty. Aquarius energy is cutting-edge, “out there” and even a little strange at times. This futuristic sign helps us envision utopian worlds. This is the sign of science fiction and inventions. No topic is too cutting-edge under an Aquarian transit: extraterrestrials, stem cells, cloning, robots taking over the earth…yup, Aquarius will go there. While Aquarian influence can make us rebellious and detached from reality (c’mon back to earth!), it helps us see possibilities we wouldn’t otherwise. The essence of Aquarius energy is community-oriented, original, open-minded, fair, logical, humanitarian, connecting, and inviting. The negative expression of Aquarius energy can be guarded, detached, destructive, out-of-touch, irrational, and desperate. Aquarius vibes make us reluctant to express emotions—it prefers rational reasoning and cool-headed logic to the messy tapestry of the human feelings. No surprise that author Ayn Rand, founder of the Objectivist movement, was born under this sign. Objectivism has been a major influence on the Libertarian movement, which has a real Aquarian flavor. It’s an organized system that also preserves individual freedom and limits government intervention. Like Aquarius energy, it’s “fringe” and mainstream all at once, a fascinating paradox. Aquarius is one of the three zodiac signs ruled under the air element. The other two air Signs are Gemini and Libra. Since Aquarius is the third and final air sign, it combines Gemini’s playful gusts and Libra’s social butterfly whirlwind into a gale force of humanitarianism for all. Aquarius people are the visionaries of the zodiac, dreaming up quirky utopias and alternative realities that can shake up the status quo. Under the influence of an Aquarius planetary cycle, we might find ourselves joining a new social group, getting involved in social justice or using science and technology to better advance humankind. Uranus is the planet that rules emotional detachment, unpredictable energy and rebellion. In mythology, Uranus was the Sky God who mated with Gaia the Earth Goddess. He hated their children and imprisoned the youngest ones in the earth where they tormented Gaia. She made a sickle and asked her children to castrate Uranus. The youngest, Cronus (Saturn) did it. After that, the Sky and Earth became separate. Interestingly, Saturn was considered the ruling planet of Aquarius until Uranus was discovered and named. Strucured Saturn is still thought of as the “minor ruler” of Aquarius. This can explain why many Aquarian can be “Type A” and totally quirky all at the same time. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. There are four fixed signs—Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius.These signs fall in the middle of every season. They’re the stabilizers—the ones who set up a solid goal or foundation, then start building. Fixed signs can take the enthusiastic ideas that cardinal signs spark, and craft them into something real. They pick up the ball when the cardinal sign passes it, and run the distance to the goal. Fixed signs are the trustworthy types who like “to-do” lists and fancy titles. If a cardinal signs says, “Let’s go on vacation!” the fixed sign will call the travel agency, book the tickets and hotel, and send everyone a list of what to pack. Aquarius is the sign of friendship and teamwork, so Aquarians tend to be more focused on the group than the individual. Freedom is important to Aquarians, which is why they like to keep things light on an interpersonal level. That way, they won’t feel bad about running off to the opposite corner of the world at a moment’s notice. At times, this nomadic strategy backfires, leaving them lonely and disconnected. Aquarians are uncomfortable with too much intimacy. These free spirits belong to the world, and feel off-balance giving their considerable energy to just one person. While their friends get first-class treatment, families and lovers see a different side of Aquarius: moody, brooding, anxious and neurotic. Or they may pick one (and only one) person to open up to, getting attached to the point of obsession. Learning to accept and express their emotions can help Aquarius people avoid the massive freakouts and anger flashes that come from pretending everything’s cool when it isn’t. Aquarians appreciate a quirky or eccentric twist and have some colorful characters and countercultural personalities as friends.  When it comes to love, Aquarius is a funny creature. You’re an idealist who believes in true love, and you’re always searching for a best friend and soulmate in one. On the other hand, your sign rules casual connections, and you guard your independence fiercely. While you have friends by the thousands and you’re totally laid-back around them, you can be neurotic and unpredictable with your romantic partners.Just figuring out what you want—and sticking to it—is enough of a challenge for ever-shifting Aquarius. Your sign is ruled by Uranus, the planet of surprises and sudden moves. We’ve seen countless Aquarians marry young and out of the blue, only to divorce just as suddenly. The real issue? You may look like the boy or girl next door, but most Aquarians are eccentric beings. What’s in that package may be quite different than the often clean-cut wrapper suggests. Although you may come across as light and superficial, you’re a true visionary with a lot of complex layers, and you may secretly believe that nobody can truly understand you. This leads you to settle for less-qualified candidates, just to avoid being alone.Rather than get hung up on a bad match (you can obsess over a breakup for years), Aquarians should mingle in social circles that reflect your deepest interests. Aquarius is the sign of groups, friendship and humanitarian pursuits. Join a network of people who share your beliefs—like environmental protection or animal rights—and you’ll likely meet a mate who shares your ideals. Wouldn’t you love to date a best friend with whom you can kick back, laugh AND save the world? Since you need lots of freedom, you may be drawn to a long-distance relationship. Unconventional living arrangements are not uncommon in Aquarius romances. You may wish to keep your own residence even after you’ve declared your matrimonial vows. Connecting with your partner on the mental plane is far more important than seeing them in the flesh every day. You’d rather be sending “I miss you” e-mails from a spiritual pilgrimage than having the same “how was your day, dear?” conversation after a predictable day. As the sign of the rebel, you’re not above a good controversy, so it all comes out in the wash. You love to shock people. Just make sure you don’t base your romantic choices on the need to prove a point. If your family has pressured you to tie the knot, you could spend years giving them the proverbial finger and refusing to engage in a long-term relationship. While you should always maintain your independence, don’t be afraid to put down roots and discover how commitment can actually set you free! You bring so much fun, creativity and wackiness to a relationship, there’s no reason you shouldn’t enjoy inventing a romance with your own funky spin. Independent Aquarius loves freedom, and you need a career with room to express your individuality. Entrepreneurship was made for your sign! At the same time, Aquarius is the sign of groups and teams. You work well in an office environment, provided it’s not too strict. You rebel under the supervision of anyone bossy or controlling. You’re best either leading a team, or working in a position that gives you lots of breathing room.Most Aquarians make great salespeople. With your gift of gab and hilarious jokes, you can sell ice to eskimos. Like Aquarius Oprah Winfrey, you genuinely love interacting with people, and you’re naturally curious about everyone. It’s not uncommon for Aquarians to become personal friends with your clients. Commission-based jobs don’t faze you. In fact, you rise to the challenge. Cold calling, which other signs dread, is a breeze for outgoing Aquarius. You have no trouble picking up the phone and dialing a total stranger. Aquarius is also a competitive sign. When a sales bonus is involved, you just turn on the charm and start selling!Your quirky brain loves to solve problems or find your way out of a difficult spot. You make a great advertising copywriter, and with your futuristic bent, you could be a scientist or an inventor. Aquarius rules electronics, so you may work with computers or telecommunications. As the sign of popularity, your natural likeable-ness could bring fame, as it did for Aquarians Jennifer Aniston, Oprah Winfrey and Justin Timberlake. Public relations is another great gig for you. Aquarius is focused on the future, and that often leads you to work with future generations. You love kids, and with your team spirit, you make a great teacher or coach. As the zodiac’s humanitarian, you want to make a lasting difference for the people around you. As the sign of the rebel, you understand children’s need to assert themselves, and encourage them to express that. Entrepreneurship appeals to your free spirit, but you can be impatient and sloppy with details. If you open your own business, team up with a Capricorn or Virgo. These grounded earth signs will handle the mundane administrative tasks you hate. Make sure you have a good lawyer and accountant, since you like making deals on a handshake. You’re at your best selling people on your vision or product, so no need to waste your time on anything else. Make sure you’re having fun, expressing your creativity and keeping everyone entertained. As long as you’re making people laugh or think, you’re in the right line of work! BEST JOBS FOR AQUARIUS: Teacher, futurist, scientist, salesperson, public relations, pop star, coach, nonprofit worker, astronomer, psychic healer, talk show host, author, researcher, computer programmer, inventor
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Pisces The Fish (Feb. 19th to Mar. 20th) ♓︎
Symbol: The Fish Element: Water Quality: Mutable Ruling Planet: Neptune — the planet of fantasy Body Part: Feet Good Day: Romantic, empathetic, compassionate, healing, helpful, wise, comforting, imaginative Bad Day: Gullible, escapist, addiction-prone, self-pitying, out of touch with reality, self-destructive, clingy Favorite Things: Dancing, romantic encounters, laughing and crying, walks on the beach, long poetic letters What You Hate: Reality, throwing away the Christmas tree, drill sergeants, daylight, bad design and noisy music Secret Wish: To find unconditional love How to Spot Them: Large and dreamy eyes, soothing voice, glamorous “silver screen” look Where You’ll Find Them: Printing photos in the darkroom, people watching in the shadows of an underground club, holding hands under the table at a romantic restaurant with a sunset view Keywords: Dreams, Fantasy, Healing, Compassion, Karma, Mystery Most Compatible Romantic Matches: Cancer, Scorpio Famous Pisceans: Albert Einstein, Rihanna, Justin Bieber, Rihanna, Adam Levine, George Washington, Carrie Underwood, Kesha, Steve Jobs, Ansel Elgort, Kurt Cobain, Eva Longoria, Drew Barrymore, Eva Mendes, George Washington, James Madison, Andrew Jackson, Grover Cleveland, Victor Hugo, W.E.B. DuBois, Dr. Seuss, Jack Kerouac, Henrik Ibsen, Hubert de Givenchy
Pisces is symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions. A part of you is always trying to “swim away” or escape reality. The other part is so intuitive that you get swept up in everything going on. Your imagination is the perfect hideout when you want to escape, since Pisces is so creative. You love dancing (Pisces rules the feet), movies, poetry, and music. Your moods are mysterious and your dreams are intense. Every Pisces should have a journal by your bed, since some your best ideas will come in your sleep. Although you can feel helpless, you’re much stronger than you think. The best way for Pisces to experience your own strength is to help people in need. You have great compassion and incredible healing powers. Because it’s easy for people to make you feel guilty, Pisces should watch out for friends who use you, or make you doubt yourself. Surround yourself with good-hearted friends who have their acts together. Many people born under your sign have a “tortured soul” quality. Finding a tranquil spiritual outlet, or spending time alone, can help you get re-centered in your own power. Ruled by the enchanting and elusive Fish, Pisces is the sign of illusions, darting in and out of the shadows. Is it real…or just a mirage? Celestial sleight of hand is the Pisces forte. Much like a siren, Pisces energy lures you into its depths—but it can also leave you drown you in the emotion ocean. Compassionate Pisces is empathic, absorbing and reflecting the feelings of everyone it contacts. This is the “old soul” of the zodiac: As the final sign Pisces is said to have experienced the energy of every other sign before it. Soulfully deep, Pisces energy never just skims the surface. In fact, this sign rules the subconscious and governs our dreams, imaginations and unhealed wounds. The essence of Pisces energy is romantic, helpful, wise, comforting and artistic. Negative Pisces energy can be gullible, self-pitying, out of touch with reality, addictive, self-destructive, clingy and masochistic. During a Pisces planetary transit, we need to set boundaries and avoid playing the martyr, codependence, and rescuing troubled souls. Pisces is one of the three zodiac signs ruled by the water element. The other two water Signs are Cancer and Scorpio. Since Pisces is the third and final water sign, it streams Cancer’s sentimental waves and Scorpio’s forceful jets into the ultimate emotion ocean. With Pisces energy activated, expect to dive deep. Pisces energy awakens our compassion, opening our hearts to people who are struggling. Under a Pisces planetary cycle, we can expect to wear our hearts on our sleeves and feel intuitively connected to those around us, whether or not we’re consciously aware of that energy. We may also express ourselves emotionally through creative channels: music, film, the visual arts, and dance are all ruled under the Fish’s domain. The planetary ruler of Pisces is Neptune. The Ancient Romans praised and glorified Neptune as the almighty God of the Sea. When Jupiter and Pluto (or Zeus and Hades, as they’re referred to in Greek mythology) met with Neptune, they divided the three main realms of the Universe—earth, sea, and underworld—amongst themselves. Neptune was feared for his furious temper, which could incite earthquakes on land and intense storms for those away at sea. The zodiac signs are grouped into three “qualities” or “triplicities”: cardinal, mutable and fixed signs. Pisces is one of the four mutable signs. These signs end every season—and have learned the hard lessons taught by spring, summer, fall and winter. The mutable signs—Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces—know that all good things come to an end, and their role is to prepare everyone for the changing of seasons. Mutable signs are the adapters of the zodiac, a little bit older and wiser. More flexible and comfortable with change than other signs, they can “chameleon” themselves to fit into a variety of situations. Mutables are also the editors of the zodiac—the ones who complete the package with a winning touch. A plan can be sparked by a cardinal sign, built by a fixed sign, then perfected with the critical eye of a mutable sign. Pisces people are sensitive and intuitive, and can become easily overloaded by crowds or overstimulating environments. It’s often hard to pin these people down, because they’re so keen on swimming away to a place where they can experience some downtime and meditative R + R. Pisces can gain a reputation as flaky because of the way they swim in and out of your life. When they do surface, Pisces make charming and magical friends, especially because they view life through rose-colored glasses. These fantasy-fueled folks need to keep at least one fin on solid ground. At their best, Pisces are attentive and inspiring. You can find Pisces artfully composing a photo, listening to music or guided meditations in their Zen dens, people-watching in the shadows of an underground club, or holding hands under the table at a romantic restaurant with a sunset view. You’re a romantic sign, Pisces, and you love to be in love—at least, in theory. Ruled by Neptune, planet of fantasy, you want to be swept away by romance. Glamorous Pisces rules the imagination, and you have a way of making everything feel tinged with magic and fantasy. You’re gentle, nurturing and sensitive, and your mates rely on you to soften the rough edges.Pisces is symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, and this sums up your approach to love. You’re eternally searching for a partner to provide both security and freedom, and you can be genuinely puzzled when they don’t come in one package. You can be a hardcore realist one second, then desperate to escape into a fantasy world the next. For that reason, the reality of commitment is your least favorite part, and at times you’ll do anything to avoid it. For example, you’ll complain endlessly about how badly your mate treats you. Secretly, you love the drama, as long as it stokes the flames of your fantasies. This can confuse the heck out of your friends, who urge you to dump the loser. But as quickly as you diss people, you’re back in their arms…that is, until someone better comes along. Like the fish that symbolizes your sign, you swim right to the next one. You certainly know how to catch ’em, too!As the ruler of the underworld and the zodiac’s twelfth house of trouble, you can be your own worst enemy in love. Admit it, your taste in partners can be suspect. You’re drawn to tortured souls, grungy performance artists, and even to people with a dark side. Anyone with a sob story can melt your compassionate heart, too. You can be a bit of a tortured soul yourself.But it’s not entirely your fault. Your ruler Neptune is a hazy, watery planet where it’s hard to tell what’s real. Sometimes you experience life this way, unsure what to believe or whom to trust. Unfortunately, this can make you vulnerable to being victimized, or making poor judgments you later regret. Wise Pisces learn to step back and give themselves a reality check before making any big moves.Your biggest challenge is asserting yourself, and asking your mate directly for what you need, rather than getting quiet or passive-aggressive when you’re unhappy. Remember, nobody’s a mind reader! Just because you feel your emotions so intensely doesn’t mean your partner knows you’re hurt. You may swim from one relationship to the next, rather than patch up the one you already have. While you often find the pursuit more interesting than the catch, be careful not to lose yourself in the chase.Your incredible intuition helps you feel another’s pain — but there are better ways to bond in love than through misery. Your intense creativity, desire to make the world a better place, and love of all creatures makes you a total catch.  A storybook relationship is well within your reach, as long as you pick a partner who brings as much magic to the table as you do. Pisces is symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, and this sums up the lifelong theme of your career. You need both security and freedom. You’re at once a total rebel and an utter “company man.” Although you feign helplessness, when you’re in charge, it’s all about business.Imaginative Pisces, you rule the zodiac’s twelfth house of dreams, creativity and healing. If you’re not an artist or creative director, you have a true appreciation for the arts. Your ruler is Neptune, the planet of fantasy. You love bringing the vivid landscapes of your imagination into material form, stretching people’s minds. Pisces especially rule photography and fashion — all things glamorous, in short. You may work as a photographer, a designer or a model. Pisces Cindy Crawford is considered the world’s first supermodel. Directing film is another natural Pisces path.In a large institution or corporation, you bring a rare creative touch, and push for reform. You may work for “the man,” but you’ll never be him! Pisces also rules compassion, and you treat your staff with a humanity rarely seen in the workplace. At times, you may blur boundaries between business and personal, so curb the tendency to be too nice. Otherwise, employees will quickly take advantage of you, bringing out your rarely-seen inner bully. You hate being an authority figure, and probably got the gig because you’re so responsible, not by stepping on anyone.Ultimately, Pisces is a leader “for the people.” This makes you a great agent or advocate. In fact, if you go into business for yourself, we recommend representing others. Pisces make great art dealers, for example, or talent agents. While you’re not very nice to yourself, you’ll fight for your charges to the bitter end. With your huge heart, you thrive in the non-profit and educational sectors. Solitude is also important to your sign. Many a Pisces has been found crunching numbers in a quiet cubicle. Still, we recommend interacting with people, since your natural warmth and hospitality put people at ease. You’re perfect as the sales representative who takes clients out to lunch, since you quickly make them feel comfortable. They’ll sign contracts in no time, simply because you made them feel so accepted! The twelfth house is the zodiac’s final house, often associated with the last stage of life, where reality is blurred, and people often go into a restful or secluded state. Hospitals, institutions, retreats and the subconscious are all ruled by Pisces. For that reason, many Pisces are nurses, therapists or work for large institutions. You are also a powerful intuitive healer, and can thrive in the holistic or medical fields. BEST CAREERS FOR PISCES: Photographer, filmmaker, musician, artist, human resources director, head of a non-profit, nurse, physical therapist, psychiatrist, healer, spiritual leader
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