#i don't exactly know if it's not ooc for them in this step I've only played the free version for now idk much about their character yet xdd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fictoculus · 9 months

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Hello ^^ I've been reading your stories and I really like them and I was just wondering if you don't mind doing a genshin impact boys x Reader with the characters being Tighnari,Kaeya,Albedo,Alhaitham and Kaveh? And the story being you hug them from behind (I hope that is fine with you of course no NSFW I've read the request rules ^^) that is if you still do genshin impact

౨ৎ hugging them from behind...

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FEAT... tighnari, kaeya, albedo, alhaitham, kaveh

A/N... hellooo anon, thanks so much for this request, and for taking the time to read my rules too, i really appreciate it! alsoo, i'm so glad you like my writing, it means so much ♡ i actually really love this concept, and you've chosen some good characters too! apologies in advance if anyone is ooc ^^ (i have a feeling tighnari and kaeya might be a bit whoopssss)

✧ tighnari.

for tighnari, being the "chief officer of forest rangers" comes with a lot of responsibility, an example being informing the rangers of the route for patrol and any threats they could face along the way. that's why, when you find your beloved stood infront of a group of eager men and women, you're hardly surprised.

you sneak closer to them, listening in on the instructions your beloved was giving, but not paying attention to a single word said; instead, relishing in the smooth sound of tighnari's voice. it was so calming and so soothing; he was always able to relax you from just a few words... and that's when you decided, you wanted to hear it "more up close"

the "plan" had been created, and it was a simple one at that; you knew tighnari always left his weapons at home while instructing the team for some unknown reason, but would always have to come back to collect them before setting off. you thought you'd be helpful and bring them to him instead, it would save him the unnecessary trip, after all.

despite a couple doubts crossing your mind, you decided to follow through with your "plan", rushing back home to collect his bow, trying your best to be as quick as possible so that you don't miss your chance; and luckily, you didn't.

arriving back at the meeting grounds, you make your way over to tighnari, being sure to approach him from behind. setting his bow aside, you waved at the rangers who waved back enthusiastically, leaving tighnari to wonder: "who are they all waving at? me?"

he lifts his arm to wave awkwardly, only for you to grab hold of him, squeezing him tightly around his waist and pressing tender kisses behind his ears.

"you forgot your bow again, love"

you whispered, a rosey hue tinting his cheeks as his eyes widened in embarassment. instinctively, tighnari wraps his tail around you, his soft fur tickling your skin slightly. you smile to yourself, just imagining how brightly he must be blushing; having about a dozen people watching an intimate moment he'd much rather keep private, or atleast away from an audience.

"i have a question regarding the-"

"any questions will be discussed another time, dismissed"

he hurriedly shoos the forest rangers away, making up excuses such as "there are matters i must attend to" and even "those things don't concern you, now please take your leave". he acted all angry when he turned to face you, but archons, he looked adorable.

"now what do you think you're up to, hm? hugging me like that infont of all the rangers?"

"i can tell you aren't mad, 'nari"

you can read him like a book, knowing exactly how he acts when he tries to hide how flustered he is; how he attempts to harden his exterior but gives in within seconds.

"i- i never said i was i just... don't you- i-"

he sighs, admitting defeat as he burries his face in the crook of your neck. you feel his hot breath against your shoulder as he murmurs:

"i hate you"

"i love you too"

✧ kaeya.

you walked to the cat's tail with a spring in your step, excited to see kaeya after spending more than a week apart. you'd been on a long expedition to liyue and had only just gotten back to mondstadt, not bothering to drop your belongings off at your house but instead hauling them along with you; unable to wait any longer to see your beloved (and silently praying he'd offer to help you carry them to your place)

after what felt like an hour of walking, you finally made it to your destination, shoulders sore from having to carry your bags instead of loading them onto a cart like you had when travelling to the nation of contracts.

poking your head into the tavern, you could see kaeya sat at one of the tables alone, watching out of the window, as if he was waiting for something, or someone... that's right, you!

you watch him carefully, waiting for the perfect moment to strike, and there it was: he'd gotten up from his seat, suppossedly to order a drink at the bar, and attempt to avoid the black cat and his... friendly translator; being invited to play a game of genius invocation tcg was the last thing he wanted.

dropping everything and leaving it in a pile at the front door, you practically throw yourself inside and run towards kaeya, his back now turned to you as he walks back to his table.

"[name]? archons, you scared me, i almost dropped my drink!"

refusing to let go, the two of you awkwardly waddle to the window, wanting some peace and quiet away from the taverns other patrons.

"someone's a little friendly today, hm? you miss me that much?"

"well if you don't want my attention, i can just let go..."

you tease, slowly but surely loosening your grip on his waist and sliding your hands to his sides. without warning, he grabs hold of your hands and wraps them back around him, holding them in place firmly, caressing your palms with his thumbs.

"i never said let go! wait... do you... not want to hug me anymore?"

here comes the show... kaeya would gasp dramatically, clutching at his chest as if he'd been struck by lightning, or something even more theatrical.

"do you not love me anymore?"

it never ends. he keeps building on it, acting hurt by your actions, more-so physically than mentally despite you having injured him being nothing to do with the "plot". only when you spin him around in your arms and press your lips against his does he finally stop talking, melting into the kiss as his mind goes completely blank. he'd pull away panting for air, his eyes glazed over with pure adoration.

"i love you"

"i love you moreee"

you're basically asking for it at this point.

"you love me more than i love you? impossible! preposterous! disgraceful! outrag-"

"i'm going to magically fall out of love with you in a minute if you don't-"

"i'm only kiddinggg, you're so fun to tease"

he brings one of your hands up to his lips and kisses it softly with a big grin plastered on his face; oh how he loves to wind you up, and secretly, you love it too.

"i do love your hugs though, and i really did miss you so... please hug me again?"

✧ albedo.

it's been hours since you'd last seen albedo, and though only a few hours doesn't sound too long, it felt like an eternity. it was all too often he'd hide away up in dragonspine, working tirelessly on his latest experiments and not taking any time for himself, and it worried you. that being said, you decided to come up with a plan to distract him, and a hug from behind sounded like the perfect idea...

you creep into his campsite, waiting for the perfect moment to throw yourself onto him.

"3... 2..."

you whispered to yourself, counting down the seconds before you could finally hold your beloved once more, missing his gentle touch; and you were more than just eager.

"1!"

excited, you jog up to him and wrap your arms tightly around him, but feeling him jolt so harshly made you slightly concerened...

"woah! careful, careful!"

panicked, albedo sets down the equipment in his hands as quickly as he can, worried he'd drop or injure you with them. he lets out a sigh of relief once they're out of the way, moving his hands ontop of yours and loosening your grip so that he could turn to face you. hands now resting on your waist, he looks at you with a stern expression.

"[name], what did i tell you about hugging around my experiments?"

"i know, i know, i just missed you and thought if i hug you from behind i wouldn't be getting in the way"

"i-... technically you're right, but you gave me quite the scare nevertheless, it could've caused an explosion if we were to have fallen. what kind of lover would i be if i were to put you in danger?"

"i'm sorry, 'bedo, i didn't mean to-"

he sighs, noticing the way he was being slightly too hard on you; all he wanted was to keep you safe. he'd never forgive himself if you were to be injured from one of his experiments, which is why he always to extra precautios when it came to you.

"i know, it's alright, my love, i'm just glad you didn't get hurt"

he leans towards you, reaching both hands up to cup your cheeks, squeezing them gently before giving you a soft kiss on the lips. he doesn't take his eyes off of you, pulling away from the kiss only to look into your eyes, his own filled with the purest love. you could get lost in them for hours, admiring how all the different hues work together so perfectly to create the most beautiful shade of blue.

"i know you were probably hoping to spend some time together, but... i really have to get this done, honey, i'm sorry"

"that's ok, i just want to be with you..."

"... then stay, hold onto me from behind, ok? just make sure you-"

"-don't touch anything, i've got it"

and so you hung onto albedo, almost like a sloth, slowing down his movements ever so slightly, but he didn't mind, nor did he mention it. he'd apologise whenever he accidentally stood on you foot, even though he wasn't applying much pressure in the first place, being purposefully light on his feet as to not hurt you. every now and then, he'd take hold of one of your hands, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it so gingerly before setting it back down onto his waist.

sure, it wasn't the most romantic scenario, but you couldn't care less; all you wanted was him, to hold him, to feel his warmth against you, to know he was there...

✧ alhaitham.

"'haithammm"

you call out, wondering into his study, half expecting him to be elsewhere, but being pleasantly surprised when you find him sat comfortably in his arm chair. (like an old man)

"yes, darling?"

a soft smile creeps onto your face as you slowly make your way towards him; you just can't help it. even when he is doing almost nothing, alhaitham never fails to charm you, to make you smile like an idiot from a single glance.

"will you tell me that story again? the one about the dr- oh! sorry i didn't realise you were busy-"

you apologise profusely, turning to leave but only being able to take a few steps before alhaitham grabs your arm and drags you back towards him, almost pulling you over the arm of his chair

"love, it's ok, i'm not busy, i can tell you stories whenever you'd like to hear them"

"that's ok, how about you tell me about that book instead?"

you smile down at him sweetly before taking a look at the cover of his book; the gold lettering complimenting the brown leather perfectly.

"darling, you don't have to pretend to be interested, i can t-"

"no, no, please, tell me what you're reading! i like hearing you talk about your books"

he blushes slightly, his slightly widened eyes flicking back to the pages of the novel within an instant, wanting to avoid any possible eye contact.

"well, if you insist... this book is about how two-"

listening carefully, you move behind him, resting your hands on his shoulders before sliding them down his upper arm before dragging them across his chest. your hands meet near the middle, intertwining with eachother and resting against alhaitham's pounding heart.

"everything ok?"

you tease, knowing well how flustered this makes him, enjoying how he stuggles to keep a hold of himself.

"i- as i was saying... this book here is about two young lovers, how they met, and how they will someday grow old together and see the beauties of the world beyond life hand-in-hand... quite a precious story if i do say so myself, wh-"

you stand in shock, scanning over the open pages to make sure the story he's explaining is truly the one held in his hands; to your surprise, it was.

"wait wait wait, 'haitham... you are reading a romance novel?!"

"is that so surprising?"

"never in my life did i think alhaitham, the akedemiya's scribe who seems only interested in facts and figures, would be reading books about romance"

"well, dare i say you've rubbed off on me, love"

"i- i have?"

"why of course you have, every empty moment is filled with you, my love. see,"

he gestures to the pieces of - what looks like - paper sticking out of the book in various places, each one seemingly marking a significant moment in the plot.

"-even this book reminds me of you, all these little tabs represent thoughts of mine, these purple ones are thoughts of you, of us"

much to your disbelief, almost every single tab - par one or two - is coloured a shade of purple, you can even spot a couple of hearts peeking out from inbetween the pages. each section that was sticking out had the words "i love you" carefully written on them, written in his fancy handrwiting rather than what you refer to as his "scribe mode handwriting"

you squeeze him tighter, touched by how head over heels he was for you, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck and planting soft kisses on along his shoulder and below his jaw. you wanted to show just how loved you felt in that moment, and how loved you wanted him to feel too. little did you know, alhaitham was a blushing mess; his face a vibrant hue of pink, his mouth forming words but not being able to force any of them out.

"i love you so much, 'haitham"

"i- i love you, [name]"

✧ kaveh.

"that doesn't seem quite right..."

kaveh is stood pondering in his office, the blueprints on the easle in front of him full of detail, far more complicated than anyone other than him could make any sense of. several stacks of scrolls take up all his desk space, 'stealing' his pencils and other pieces of equipment, or atleast that's what he claims to be happening.

in reality, his workspace is far too messy, causing him even more stress ontop of trying to find the perfect measurements for whatever building he was planning. you picked up on this, how he often promises to eat with you at the table, but gets so lost in his work he dismisses his own needs just for the sake of his project.

you decide to take the initiative, covering the plates of food with towels before making your way to kaveh's office; a small building to the left of the living area of the property, though it seemed to be that he was living there instead.

slowly pushing the front door open, you let yourself inside, sighing happily at not only the warm air against your now cold cheeks, but also at the comforting scent that you know all too well...

"it looks good, hun" you'd say, your voice gentle and sweet as to not scare him. he wouldn't turn to face you, but instead stare holes into his blueprints, hand holding his chin as he was lost in thought.

"hm? oh, sorry love, could you repeat that? i didn't hear you"

you make your way over to him, choosing to stand behind him rather than infront. snaking your arms around his waist and pulling him into you, you rest nuzzle the side of your face against his back. he jolts slightly, only to relax into your touch seconds after. "it's looking good" you repeat yourself, rubbing circles on his stomach through his shirt in an attempt to ease his stress. all it does is leave him stressed and flustered... ok maybe a bit less stressed, he's not complaining though. he loves the way you're so gentle with your hands, and know exactly how to make him feel so flustered. placing his own hands on yours, he intertwines your fingers with his, dragging your hands across his lower stomach to wrap around him tighter. "y- you really think so?"

"of course i do, love, everything you design is beyond beautiful, but this one especially...

"would- do you think you'd live in it?"

"oh, absolutely! strangely enough, it looks just like how i imagined my home to be when i was younger"

unbeknownst to you, kaveh is uncontrollably smiling like an idiot, knowing that you approve of your future home really gives him even more motivation to put his all into every single one of the blueprints, making sure not to miss even a single detail...

thanks for reading ♡ want to read more? my requests are OPEN, so please feel free to let me know what you'd like me to write next!

#genshinx reader #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #tighnari x reader #tighnari fluff #kaeya x reader #kaeya fluff #albedo x reader #albedo fluff #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham fluff #kaveh x reader #kaveh fluff #gn!reader #nb!reader #wholseome #.typingptera #request answered

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zeraaachan · 2 years

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ANGELS CAN'T FALL - CHAINSAW MAN

pairing(s): angel devil x reader

warning(s): angst/no comfort, major character death, ooc! angel devil, manga spoilers

description: there was once a princess who woke up from a true love's kiss. but all his tale can offer is a damsel who slept eternally for a first love's peck. maybe it happened because he was no prince charming. or maybe it happened because he's the angel devil.

he never intended to meet them.

it was purely incidental. similar to a stroke of luck, or misfortune, the devil caught a glimpse of them through the small window in their hospital room. he should've walked away when he still had the chance. should've ignored his curiosity for the pale, sickly hands that fidget anxiously. he should've walked away and never come back when it was painfully obvious that they were ill and that they were no good for them. but alas, the devil in him thirsted for curiosity and interaction. he took a few steps back, peeked at the little window, and ignored aki's call excusing that he'll only be quick.

and that's how the two met: the winged and the damned.

angel devil's entrance caught the room patient's by surprise. no, he didn't do anything special like appear in front of them wings fully spread and halo shining. angel devil entered their room like a normal person, open the door then close it. but somehow they're still too surprised. they bombarded him with questions such as how the hell they made it up when they were supposed to go down. did they somehow trick heaven's list and slipped in their name? did no one up there see how unholy their search history is especially on reading platforms? they asked questions that made zero sense to the tired devil.

“okay, when did i die? did i fall from my bed accidentally when i sneezed?” they asked him, and now he can understand the reason for their surprise. a misconception, at that time. but still a foreshadowing.

“no. you're still alive.” angel devil tiredly muttered, eyes darting on each corner of their room until they landed on a particular spot. “i'm devil first, angel second. you're not exactly going to heaven if i've come to fetch you.”

“hmm makes sense. you look like a twink but you can probably dom me.”

”no, you don't understand.” he said, barely registering their words. his eyes still focused on a certain spot. “say, will you still eat that ice cream?” angel devil finally asked. his eyes still trained on the unopened can of ice cream on the table beside their hospital bed. he now realize why he was so drawn to this room. it's not them. it's the ice cream.

“nope. take it. the doctor said i'm not allowed to eat it”

and he doesn't need to be offered twice to move. with a simple word of excuse, he picked up the clean spoon near the ice cream can and the can itself with a few swift movements. he even took the liberty to sit on the hospital bed uninvited, mindful not to touch its occupant. although they don't seem to mind his presence. they're too fascinated with his wings, he noticed, he just hope they won't touch them. nor him for that matter.

“don't try to touch me. it will shorten your life span.” he warned unemotionally as a spoon of ice cream landed in his mouth. he can't really care whether they touch him. but he warned nonetheless as a gratitude for the ice cream on his hand.

he caught the way they looked at him with those curious eyes that probably never saw the outside of the hospital for weeks. it was full of questions, the devil noted. but they didn't ask anything. they just smiled at him sweetly, brightly. brighter than the fluorescent light above their head or the convenience store lights that attract his eyes to buy soft serve.

”okay. i won't" they finally said. but the angel devil knows better than to trust them. he stared at them for a good minute which they reciprocated. if he didn't turn his head away, he can bet that the patient in front of him will just continue to stare at him without blinking.

well, if they touch him, it's not his fault anymore. he thought.

“so.... do you like ice cream?” angel devil heard them ask. and that was only the beginning.

***

“so what's heaven like?”

angel devil just shoved another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth as they continue to pester him. he can't understand himself. as if one time was not enough, today he still came back to the hospital room. it's probably the ice cream on his hand. it's the only reason why he'll come back to the hospital.

“i don't know. you don't need to know. you're not going there.” he answered rapidly followed by a short 'nom'.

”well that's rude coming from someone eating my ice cream.” angel devil only hugged the ice cream bowl possessively when he sensed the change in tone. then they giggled. only a little bit and it was nothing special. but he can swear that his ice cream is not the only thing that melted a bit faster when that happened.

that small giggle did something to him. it made him stop devouring the ice cream for a moment and stare at them. it's not the first time he saw a human make a joyous sound. but it's the first time he saw it up close. it was the first time someone made that tiny laugh concerning him.

and he would've probably savored the warm feeling if they didn't try to touch him in an attempt to pet his head.

angel took a retreat before they can even touch him. eyes wide with offense and surprise that woke them up from their trance.

instead of being offended by his attitude, they grinned sheepishly.

“oops! i remember.” they chuckled, almost apologetically. “no touchies.”

he warily looked at them. like a chick afraid to be stepped on again or in his case a devil afraid to be touched. but when they held up their hands in the air, grinned, and promised they'll not do it again, he let his guard down and returned to his spot. on their hospital bed. he sat down on the patient's bed, careful not to touch them even their clothed leg as always, and settled comfortably again. it's just him, the ice cream, and them again.

“so what is hell like?” they asked a bit too energetically after a moment.

and the angel doesn't need to think twice about his answer. “it is dark.”

***

“are we close enough for me to ask you a question?” they asked one day. it's the 15th time he came back. or is it the 51st time? but it doesn't matter. their hospital bed mattress still feels the same on his bottom. the ice cream on the side of their bed is still the same flavor and still taste the same, angel can even say that the temperature is the same as always. there're still a few cobwebs in the corner of their room. some flowers. a basket of fruit. and they're still there.

for some reason, they're still in the same hospital, same hospital room, and in the same hospital bed. it's as if they always belonged there and won't be leaving anytime soon. and the angel devil doesn't know if he is comforted or bothered by that fact.

“you bombarded me with questions when we first met.” the angel answered nonchalantly, feeding himself with ice cream and not bothering to share.

”well yes, but that's different.” they elongated the last word almost into a whine. “are we close now for me to ask, you know, questions for close people.”

he merely shrugged.

”eh? is that a yes in your language?” they asked. confused but light-hearted nonetheless. it may just be angel's opinion, but every time he returns, they seem a bit brighter. like today. they have more color than yesterday. even a red on their cheeks. it looks lovely, he admits.

”well i don't know if you said yes or no but just don't answer if we're still not close. because we're open.” they laughed at their own joke. angel questioned their sanity but didn't have the time to do so when they revealed their question. ”why can't i touch you?”

he should've expected this moment. he interacted with the human far more than he expected and can imagine. there will be a sense of kinship, of closeness as they term. they should've expected their curiosity and the question.

but he still doesn't like the fact that he has to say it. he doesn't enjoy the fact that they have to look into their happier eyes and reveal an unhappy fact.

angel finished the last drops of his ice cream before he met his eyes. full of wonders. just like when they first met. just like when he first became drawn to it.

“i'll absorb the little life you have with just a touch.” he muttered. his voice void of emotion but not cold. never cold. ”i don't want to kill you.”

---

”you must be a pretty strong devil, no?”

they initiated the conversation as usual. and like any other visit, he sat on their bed which now also recognizes them as their owner. he can't remember how many times he came back already. he stopped counting when reached 100. but he never stopped eating their ice cream.

“yes.” he answered shortly.

“must be because many are afraid of angels.” they concluded in which he only nodded. “then is there a ‘hot people devil’?”

“a what?”

“a ‘hot people devil’. the type of devil that grows strong from the fear of hot people?”

“i don't know any devil like that. is there even any human who's afraid of that..?”

“how dare you...!” they gasped quite dramatically. the angel devil, who noticed the change in intonation panicked. ”how dare you invalidate my fear!”

“but i—”

“i am deathly afraid of hot people. whenever i look at my mirror i scream out of fear!”

angel's panic was short-lived when he finally realized their point. he sighed, disappointed, and picked up the spoon they dropped earlier. so much for being concerned about a human's feeling. ”funny.” he muttered, not an ounce of joy in his voice.

they just laughed and resisted the urge to slap his back. it was a habit that he noticed. they always want to slap something whenever they laugh. angel doesn't know if he's more afraid of them accidentally touching him due to this habit or if he's more afraid of being slapped. he decided to eat soft serve ice cream instead.

after their laughter died down, they wiped the corner of their eye and angel is once again ready for another antic of theirs. except now, it's different.

”is there a love devil?” they asked, their tone a bit too serious for a joke. ”many people are afraid of love and being in love. many are afraid of losing their loved ones. is there a love devil, enjeru?”

it's the first time they called him, he noted. ”i'm not sure.” he answered which is rewarded by a smile.

“well it doesn't matter. because i, for one, isn't afraid of love.” they vowed confidently. a voice full of pride and certainty. and maybe because of their goofy tone, the devil was caught off guard by their next words. “but you, angel devil, must not make the love devil stronger.”

he wants to say something. anything. he's sensing the conversation going to a path he doesn't mean to take. he never meant to step in that territory.

but he can't stop them. he can't stop the next words that came out from them. especially when they look at him with a gaze full of conviction and sincerity.

“don't be afraid to fall in love with me, enjeru.” they answered sincerely. “because i don't plan on making a love devil stronger.

i love you.”

that's when the angel devil realized that he entered the path of no return.

---

“why do you always have an ice cream when you can't even eat it?”

today is different. he'll be the one starting the conversation instead. the angel devil, for once, is starting the conversation between the winged and the damned. and he must admit, he's pretty horrible at it. but at least he didn't start with ‘how's the weather?’

“hmm... maybe because i expected a winged devil to enter my humble hospital room one day?” they answered cheekily, finger on their chin as they fake to think. ”what do you call it again? fate?”

angel devil merely stared at them and completely forgot about the conversation that strayed to a different direction. for the numerous times he visited, there are many moments where he'll just stare at them absentmindedly as they seem to sparkle whenever they talk. it's amazing honestly. especially as how it sometimes feels that he's viewing them on a glitter and sparkle filter. and maybe due to that particular filter, it made them ache to touch them.

”sometimes i wonder if i'll feel something when we touch.” angel murmured in his drunk state. unaware of his words until it finally hit him. of all the foolish things he can say, he picked the one that top it all. ”ignore it. i don't mean it—”

“then why don't we?”

if the angel devil was still capable of rage, he would've surely felt it. it angers him, just the thought of it, that they'll even think about something so foolish when they know the heavy weight of it. he's quite the hypocrite when he thinks this way, but he knows better.

“i'd rather stare at you every day than touch you once and never have that every day again.” he confessed. eyes more tired than usual.

that day, the ice cream on their bedside was left half-eaten.

---

it was quiet in the patient's room after that conversation. there was no sign of huge white wings in the small space of the hospital room. the ice cream tub remained on the table, untouched until it melted. but it doesn't matter. it will always be replaced tomorrow. but like the day before, no one came to eat it.

the room returned to being a lonely typical hospital room. with one lone occupant. alone, sick, and always staring out the window on their door.

until that door swung open.

and revealed a doctor in a white coat.

---

“you didn't come back for two weeks. i was obliged to dispose of 14 ice creams.”

“sorry.”

it was funny how it was the first thing the angel devil said when they met again after weeks of not seeing each other. it's not that they're not busy. they were. but despite that they always find the time to visit them before and claim dibs on the ice cream that is always on the table beside their bed. he just took his sweet time gathering his thoughts this time. and it was a mess.

”i made some thinking.” he confessed, eyes on them. ”they're about you.”

”i'll be jealous if they're not.”

angel ignored their small quip. ”i realized i'm happy with just eating that ice cream over there.” he stated and looked at their table. even pointed the single tub of ice cream.

it was pretty horrible of him to bring up ice cream when the mood is not really one for eating. but he can only hope that he knows what he is doing. he can only hope that they know what he is doing.

the devil was not sure if he conveyed himself properly. if he conveyed his thoughts properly. he's not sure if they understood that they're putting a wall between them but at the same time letting them enter his untouchable life. he's not sure if they understood that he's telling them that he wants what they want, that they want them the same, but there are limits.

he wants to know if they understand that it would've worked if only he was not him. if he's not the angel devil.

but surely they understood. for they offered him that gracious smile once more and gestured the tin near the bed. “oh hush. just eat this stuff.” they commanded in a jovial tone. ”i know you only come back for this.”

---

maybe he was too happy that he forgot a little bit of everything. maybe the angel was on clouds that he forgot many circumstances. he forgot his own demons. their demons. he was too relaxed, happy and satisfied, that he forgot some circumstances. and how he wish he didn't.

“do you wanna beat the system?” they lightly joked and looked up to him with bright eyes that spent years staring at a hospital's ceiling. for some reason there are two cans of ice cream today. one for him, which is already on its last scoops; and one for them that rests on their lap, still almost full. angel plans on asking for their share once he's finished with his.

but he have to listen to them first. “what system?”

“do you wanna beat the system?” they repeated. smile full of jokes but eyes clear and serious. ”your whole ‘we touch, i deduct years from your life’ situation.”

angel remained silent and didn't say anything. he can feel that something is off aside from the two tubs of ice cream.

and there must be something extremely wrong. his heart is pounding to the extremes. the bowl of ice cream on his hands is a bit colder than usual yet his palms are still sweating.

and then he heard it.

“i'm dying.” they said as if to curse him. a curse he should've expected. a curse that he put on himself when he walked to their hospital room for the first time. “a month from now. or maybe a few weeks. or maybe even tomorrow. i won't last that long.” they continued. their eyes avoided his and the emotions swirling in them. “so i thought, why not make it today.”

”let's talk about other things.” angel can already see the direction of the conversation. and he wishes to avoid it.

however, they only smiled at him and returned their gaze. now they're the ones who ignored them. “i want to feel if your hands are warm, angel. or if they're cold from the number of bowls of ice cream that you held.”

he was speechless. it's been so long since he felt something like this. since he felt something this humane. and of all the things that he can feel again, why is it this certain emotion. why must it be betrayal and sadness. even regret.

“i'll come back tomorrow.” the angel devil said and prepared to leave. his bowl still has a few scoops of ice cream left.

it was cowardly, he admit. he's such a coward for running away in this situation. for not facing it when he should've known what he is dealing with when he chose to eat ice cream with them and sit on their bed. he should've been prepared to face this when he came back time and time again to see them.

”how can you be sure that i'll still be here tomorrow?” they asked the question he feared.

but like a coward, he decided to turn his back on his fear. on them.

”i'll come back tomorrow.” he repeated and closed the door to their hospital room.

---

the last time he entered their hospital room, they were not alone. the door swinged open just as he was about to turn their knob. it's their doctor. like usual, she have a forlorn look on her face. and angel can't help but look over them. they haven't noticed them yet and maybe that's why there was a bothered look on their face.

“what did your doctor said?” he asked and picked the ice cream on the table. the same ice cream that by each time he returns get blander and colder.

they just smiled at him. it was a sad one.

“i have until tomorrow.”

the angel devil was right in his decision to just hold the ice cream tub in their hand and not open it. it was funny. because he cannot blame anyone but himself for his situation.

“won't you kiss me goodbye, angel?” they added, the sad tone of their voice being an octave lower.

but he can only wallow in self-pity and hate. it was his choice. from day one, he was the one who choose to take a step back, peek and enter their hospital room. right from the start, they were the ones who turned the old door knob to the room. they choose to open the 58th hospital room, their hospital room. and he opened himself to the possibility of being hurt. but he didn't brace himself for it. all he did was fall deeper and deeper for a human that is not even healthy. to someone who seems as if the last time they saw the sun outside was last year. it was his choice to enter their room. it was his choice to sit in their bed. it was choice choice to hurt himself and them.

they were his choice. he choose them.

and he also chooses to eat the bowl of ice cream on his hands in their current situation. he chooses to scoop a spoonful of soft serve into his mouth mechanically. he can barely register its taste. he can barely recognize the ice cream's flavor. but he made sure that it left a mark on his tongue. it might be his last after all.

a smile graced their lips, probably the last they'll ever see, and angel etched it on his memory. “right. you loved ice cream.”

he can see them resist the urge to cradle his head and comb his hair. he can understand them. since for all the times they are together, they kept their word of not touching them. they never touched them even once. just as how he resisted to just fall on his knees and drop his tired body on them. they both resisted the thing that they both wanted.

the angel devil was first a devil, an angel second. and the devil in him finally made a decision.

”do you only have until tomorrow?” he confirmed, tongue still coated with ice cream.

“yes.”

“and do you still want to know whether my hands are warm, just like how you made me feel? or if it is cold, just as how i feel right now?” he added. “do you still want to part with me with just a shallow kiss?”

”yes.” they answered, head still relaxed on their pillow and back on their comfortable hospital mattress. they've been laying down since the time they told him they were dying.

the angel devil asked his final question. one he'll always remember. and one he never got an answer.

“do you know how soft serve ice cream tastes like?”

his cold hands met the warm flesh of their cheeks and his own eyes witnessed how their eyes widened with surprise. is it due to the temperature of his palm? or his palm itself? angel can never be sure. he never got the confirmation. but he saw how their cheeks became painted with different shades of red and how their eyes locked on his, with certainty and conviction. they're not one to back out. they have nothing to return to from this point on.

as he caress their face, he's also taking the last of their life.

with one dip of his head, the angel devil landed his lips on the human damned to a hospital bed. of the human he only saw through a small door window before, fidgeting with their hands anxiously as they stitch an angel rag doll.

it was warm. angel finally realized what he is missing in all those times. their cheeks are warm. so is their forehead were his own forehead rest. and their lips. it welcomed him warmly. the same warmth that they made them feel. even warmer.

angel doesn't have to say the word. they slightly parted their lips and invited his tongue inside to explore the mouth that laughed when he lazily lick his ice cream. angel's tongue probed the same mouth that told him daring words and sweet nothings, his everything(s). he passionately kissed the lips that dared him to do the last thing he thought he'll do to the person he love: to touch and to let them go. it's ironic how much he wants to touch them yet can not. it's ironic how much he held back just for this moment.

angel is not sure whether they tasted the remnants of ice cream still on his tongue. or whether they felt the warmth that they so desired. or if it was the opposite.

but the healing dying kiss was different from the cold soft-serve ice cream that is always on the table beside their hospital bed. everything about them and their lips is warm and comforting. and he wants to bask in it. he wants to bathe in the sunlight that they provide in the four corners of the enclosed hospital room. angel finally realized how it feels to hold the sun and the stars. but even the sun can lose its rays. even the stars can lose their light. the sun can be destroyed and stars always die leaving a cold black hole in its wake. summer can easily become winter in the blink of an eye. and like all the warm things in the world, it became chilly. he can feel their lips slowly lose their warmth.

until all that was left was cold.

END.

”what happened to the patient that you always visited? in room 58?”

“they left.”

a small nod was made by aki who cannot see the sullen look on the angel devil's face. the fine man in suit added. “about time. they were supposed to be discharged weeks ago. why are you surprised? you didn't know?”

author's note(s): it's been a year since i last read the manga and i haven't started the anime yet but i just realized the angst potential of my favorite chainsaw man character, angel devil. expect to see more contents like this soon. bye bye~

#chainsaw man #chainsaw man angel devil #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man fanfiction #chainsaw man angst #chainsaw man aki hayakawa #angel devil #aki hayakawa #angel devil x reader #manga #anime #chainsaw man manga #chainsaw man anime #csm #csm angel devil #csm aki hayakawa #csm x reader

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hollybell51 · 3 months

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Without you

^I would do anything for him

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Philip Pearson x fem!Reader

Travelers (2016)

Word count: 9.6K (I'm as shocked as you dw)

Summary: things come to a head between you and Philip after a close call.

Content: SMUT smutty smut smut. Gratuitous smut. Bit of angst, bit of blood (not too graphic dw), arguments and all that fun stuff. Swearing, cannon typical tomfoolery, making out, hickeys, making out on a table, and a bed, drug references (guys it's Philip), mentioned weird Traveler number names (I made one up just fyi don't bother googling it), blowjobs, bit of dirty talk, bit of hair pulling, vaginal sex, safe sex (yay! Trojan please sponsor me), a little fluff at the end. Philip could possibly be a little ooc I actually can't tell but I did try.

Notes: ok so I've done it again, disappeared for weeks and then popped back up with a new obsession for a stupid little dude in a stupid little show and I've gone and written some stupid smut about it. Philip makes me insane. I cannot tell you how insane he makes me. Like... he is objectively mid. I know this. But he's also so hot??? Like do you get what I mean??? Also WHERE is all the other content for this dude like come on guys I cannot be on my own here. I need some support. Anyways, niche market n all, so I hope you enjoy.

This takes place at the end of episode 3 after Philip got shot, so I've taken some liberties with the timeline (ironic, innit). There's a few extra hours in there, and I know he was awake when everyone was talking after they got back but this is fanfiction and I am God here so you just have to trust me. I wanna blow him so bad it hurts.

Philip was stable. Stable and asleep and breathing evenly on the table, thanks to Marcy. You could see his chest rising and falling out of the corner of your eye from where you were leaning against another table beside the medic, eyes fixed on the floor just in front of MacLaren’s pacing feet, idly picking at your bloodied hands. It was uncomfortably sticky as it dried, and beginning to crack and flake around the creases of your skin. It was going to be a pain to get off.

No one was looking at MacLaren, you realised as you raised your head. Your team leader’s face was serious, dead serious, and you really couldn’t blame them for not wanting to meet that look. You kind of wished you hadn’t, and, as Marcy nudged your arm with her own, you realised that you had not heard a word of what he’d been saying with such gravity.

“Sorry,” you muttered. “Come again?”

He blew a breath out hard between his teeth, taking a step back and raising his eyes to the ceiling. “I was just asking,” he said slowly (oh, ok. So he was pissed pissed), “whether there was anything else anyone wanted to tell me.”

“Oh, right. No.”

MacLaren nodded. “Are you sure, (Y/N)?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. Cause I don’t know and I do not want to know what the hell is going on between you two, but I want you to sort it out. Sooner rather than later.”

“Yep,” you nodded, looking back at your hands. You had no doubt that “you two” was you and Philip, and it made you want to sink into a hole. You knew you hadn’t exactly been calm and rational when he’d been shot, how could you be? But it hadn’t been that bad. You’d done what Marcy had told you to. You hadn’t broken down or frozen and maybe there’d been a fair bit of whispered pleading with him to just hold on and just keep breathing, that it was only going to be a few more minutes and he just had to listen to me, keep squeezing my hand. But that had nothing to do with what was “going on” and more to do with the fact that he’d been bleeding out in your lap in the back of a van. Anyway, if you’d freaked out a little, that wasn’t MacLaren’s business.

Marcy’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “Hey, Earth to (Y/N).”

You sighed and offered her a small smile. “Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s fine. I was just saying that I need to get back to David. Are you–?”

“I’ll be fine,” you interrupted her, glancing at Philip. “I guess someone should stay with him anyway, huh?”

A tiny crease appeared between her brows as she studied you, then nodded after a moment. “Yeah, might be a good idea. It was pretty straight forward, didn’t hit anything major, but still.”

But still. It was still a bullet wound, and as mad at Philip as you were for dragging you all out there in the first place and getting himself shot, you didn’t want him to wake up alone and in pain and craving those goddamn drugs with no knowledge of whether he’d saved the boy, just that he’d killed the kidnappers.

“What about you?” Marcy was saying, and if she hadn’t been using that measured, even tone she took when she was treating or assessing someone, you’d have said it was gentle. “Are you gonna be ok?”

You shrugged. “I’m fine. I’m not the one that got shot.”

Another measured look, then she nodded and stepped back. “Alright. I didn’t want to put anything on the wound too fast, and it’s sealed for now, but it’ll need a dressing if he’s gonna be moving around or anything. Can you do that?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

She nodded again. “Don’t let him do anything stupid. And don’t do anything stupid yourself.”

Despite the anger and residual panic still heavy in your stomach and the blood crusting your hands, you shot her a smile and waved. “Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.” You thought you saw her roll her eyes before the door clunked shut behind her, and you were alone.

You let out a slow breath, sagging further against the edge of the table. You had to wash your hands. You had to scrub Philip’s blood off your skin before it legitimately drove you insane. So, with a groan as your bruised knees protested the shift of weight into them (you probably didn’t have to drop and slide quite so hard to Philip’s side when he’d fallen. That, you could admit, had been excessive), you walked stiffly to the shitty sink and began scrubbing.

Your skin was raw by the time the water finally ran clean, or at least not bloody, and while there may have been flecks of blood still hiding under your nails, your hands were cleaner than they had been in days. Maybe weeks. You really didn’t know if your host had washed them before she was supposed to die.

You glanced over your shoulder as you dried your hands, wincing a little as the rough fabric of your jacket scraped against over-scrubbed knuckles. Philip hadn’t moved and was still breathing, which you were taking as a good sign. You crossed the room after a moment, gingerly lifting his shirt to peer at the spot on his stomach where the bullet had gone in. It was raw and red and far from pretty, but it wasn’t a gaping hole anymore. It wasn’t bleeding, even if it was still covered with blood. Sighing, you grabbed a pair of scissors from the kit Marcy had left lying open on the table, snipping neatly up the centre of the bloody shirt and pulling it (not uncaringly) from his shoulders. You didn’t let your eyes linger on the pale chest, the track marks in his arm, the faint chafing around his bicep. Instead, you turned away and walked quickly and quietly to the adjoining room where he slept, rifling through the pile of blankets and sheets and clothes and god knew what until you found a shirt that didn’t reek.

You ran a clean corner of the ruined one under the tap, spongeing and wiping at the mottled russet stains on Philip’s skin until it was passably clean, the streaks of it on his face from your hands in the back of the van, then wrestled him (again, not too roughly) into the garment and stepped back. He could have been sleeping, really sleeping, instead of passed out from the drugs and blood loss and pain. Maybe you should move him. But then again, he was probably too heavy for this body to lift. Maybe not.

He didn’t really look like himself when he was unconscious, you decided. Even in an unfamiliar body, there was something of the man you knew behind his eyes. You could recognise him past the strange face, make out your Philip in him when he was awake. Like this, with his eyes closed and his face slack, it wasn’t the same. It was like looking at a real, true, genuine stranger. A stranger who wasn't exactly bad to look at (in fact, you quite liked looking at him), but a stranger all the same.

Hesitantly, you raised a hand and brushed at a strand of hair hanging across his forehead. His skin wasn’t icily clammy as it had been in the van, but was still cool to the touch. Softer than you’d expected, though you didn’t really know what that was. You let your fingers trail across his forehead, smoothing a tiny wrinkle between his eyebrows, down over his cheek to his shoulder. You felt the expansion and contraction of his lungs through his body’s movement, regular and deep and alive and you knew what MacLaren meant.

You and Philip were… complicated. That’s how anyone would describe you. He was too reckless, too hasty, felt too much too fast and didn’t think enough (and yes, you were aware of the irony there). And you understood, you really did. It was hard to look at it all objectively, and you couldn’t imagine how it must be to walk around with all that just floating around in your head. All those deaths, when they’d happen and where, and not be able to stop it. But you could also see the bigger picture. What you were doing was important. You had the protocols for a reason and the director for a reason and getting bogged down in the details and the individuals and the humanness of it only ever ended badly. Case in point.

You really should have seen it coming, and now, in the aftermath, you wondered how you’d missed it. His disillusionment. The discomfort when you’d reminded him of the protocols. The discontent and grumbling and (very understandable and reasonable) grievances he’d raised around the whole protocol 3 thing. And you really did get it. It sucked, and the whole reason you were in this was to save people so why couldn’t you do just that? But at the end of the day, you also understood that you didn’t have all the information. Good things could lead to bad things. It might be superstition, but the butterfly effect was all too present in the forefront of your mind.

And that was where you differed from Philip. He didn’t believe in “just letting someone die because someone else decided they’re not worth saving” (a recent and quite heated argument that still rang in your ears) and you… Well you wouldn’t say you did, but you didn’t not either. Maybe that determination and righteousness (“pig-headed”, you’d shouted at him not too long ago) was part of what drew you to Philip, too. It had never not been like that as far as you could remember, and so you butted heads. A lot. And as soon as you had one fight, one of you was rushing back to the other with an olive branch and you were both trying to not bash into each other so often and so hard, then before you knew it it was happening again.

But this hadn’t been a fight. It hadn’t even been an argument. It had been Philip rushing into something his conscience told him was a good idea, lying to everyone else and dragging them all along and then getting shot and almost bleeding to death in your arms in the back of a van. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what you were going to say to him when he woke up.

Pull your head in.

What the fuck was that.

I’m so angry I could punch you.

I wish you’d told me.

That was stupid.

Don’t ever do something like that again.

You almost died.

You fucking idiot.

You fucking idiot, you almost died.

Don’t go and almost die ever again.

I don’t want you to die.

I can’t take it if you die.

You blinked, hot tears prickling in your eyes. Before you could even really think too much about it, you bent and pressed your lips to Philip’s cool forehead, straightening almost immediately. You took a slow breath in, held it, released it with a hiss and set your shoulders. There was shit to be done besides hovering over him, and standing here waiting wasn’t going to make anything better. It was going to make you worse.

“Ok,” you whispered, and turned away.

It couldn’t have been more than an hour when Philip stirred. A soft groan had you turning your head from the disassembled gun you were cleaning, watching as he tried to sit up, winced and lay back down.

Maybe you should have started with a nice, simple, normal, “how are you feeling?” You supposed you could have at least smiled at him, even just nodded or raised your eyebrows. And you could admit that the snort had been a little out of line. Still. You’d been festering – that was the only way you could describe how the last vestiges of panic and adrenaline had cooled and settled low in your gut, right beside the simmering anger that just refused to go away. No matter how much you told yourself to cut him some slack and just wait until he was actually awake to hear his side of it. Don’t do anything stupid, Marcy had said, and you were determined to abide by that.

“What…?” he started, then groaned. “(Y/N)?”

“Yep.”

Another groan, and this time you raised your head. He’d swung his legs over the side and had managed to sit up, breathing heavily and gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles were white. As you watched, he pulled up the bottom of his shirt and frowned at the spot where the bullet had gone in. It didn’t really look like a gunshot anymore, thanks to Marcy’s attention, but there was definitely some bruising around the edges.

“Marcy said to put something on it if you’re gonna be… doing stuff,” you said.

He looked up, dropping the shirt and eyeing you warily. “Ok.” He turned, reaching towards the open kit at the end of the bench, face tight with pain. It scraped along the rough surface as he dragged it closer, the scissors you’d left resting on top of everything sliding out and onto the floor with a clatter. Philip paused, glanced at you, then kept pulling.

“For fuck’s sake,” you muttered, slamming down the gun in your hand and crossing quickly to him. You slapped the scissors back on the bench, turning the kit to face yourself and rifling through the neatly compartmentalised packets of first aid supplies until you found a wound pad that looked big enough.

“Up,” you said, gesturing to his shirt as you withdrew a roll of tape. Then, with a ‘turn around’ motion, “down.”

He got the idea, swinging his legs back onto the table and lying flat, watching as you tore open the packet and laid the pad against his skin, placed his hand over it with a simple command to “hold it” and cut a piece of tape. He drew in a sharp breath as you smoothed the tape down the edge of the pad, perhaps a little harder than you’d meant, and you paused.

“It’s still…” He trailed off, looking away.

“Sorry.” You were gentler this time, glancing up at him as you stuck down the dressing. You may have been pissed, but actually hurting him was the last thing you wanted to do. It wasn’t as neat as you’d seen Marcy do it, but it was functional. That was what mattered. You lingered a moment, scissors and tape in one hand, the other resting gently by the slightly puffy white square. He’d warmed up, here at least, which you supposed was a good thing.

“(Y/N),” he started, and you quickly withdrew your hand. You were still angry at him, no matter what else was now causing that deep, tight feeling inside you. Like someone was pulling on a string attached to the very centre of your being, right behind your sternum.

“How’s that?” you asked as you stepped back, crossing your arms.

“It’s fine, but–”

“Good.” You turned away, stalking back to the guns on the table before he had a chance to finish. He groaned again as you sat down, not out of pain this time. And ok, you could definitely have been nicer about it all, but you were determined not to be the one to take the first step. He’d gotten himself and everyone else into this bullshit, he could at least be the one to bring it up.

“How long was I out?”

“An hour. Give or take.”

“The others…?” A soft grunt, the rustle of fabric and the sound of feet hitting the floor.

“Gone.”

There was a pause, a few hesitant footsteps, and when he spoke again his voice was much closer. “Not you?”

You didn’t look up as you grabbed another gun and began the smooth, practised movements of dismantling it. “I’m sitting here, aren’t I?”

He gave a noncommittal little hum, and this time you did raise your eyes. He was leaning against the end of your table, watching you. It may have just been the dimness of the room, or the clouded haze of thoughts and feelings swirling in your own head, but there was something in his face that you couldn’t quite pin down. That wasn’t usually a problem with Philip, he was the kind of person who you could always tell where his mind was. And he always knew yours.

You sighed and leaned back in your chair, folding your arms across your chest once more as you swivelled to face him. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged, his brows pinching together and his arm tensing as the movement tugged at his wound. He cursed softly and glanced down.

“Are you in pain?”

His eyebrows rose incredulously. Ok, yeah, dumb question. Of course he was in pain. You’d be more concerned if he wasn’t. Wordlessly, you rose and crossed to the first aid kit again, withdrawing an almost empty packet of painkillers. You handed them to him as you sat down, and didn’t watch him swallow two. You just heard it.

The silence stretched between you, the occasional clunk of the guns and the quiet ticking of the clock the only sounds in the building. Outside, someone was shouting and the traffic roared.

After what felt like ten minutes but was probably only two, Philip blew out a breath and shifted. “Ok, just… spit it out,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

Wow, ok. That was a loaded question if you’d ever heard one. You stopped what you were doing, cooley and slowly placing the gun you’d been about to slide apart onto the table almost soundlessly. “What’s wrong?” you echoed, turning to face him.

He either didn’t notice or didn’t care about the frost you couldn’t have kept out of your voice if you'd tried. “Yeah, cause something clearly is.”

God, where did you even start? He’d lied to you. He’d gone directly against protocol, protocol that could be stupid but was ultimately there to protect you and everyone else. He still hadn’t even actually addressed any of it. Hadn’t checked if you were alright, hadn’t checked if anyone else had been hurt (and ok, you couldn’t really blame him for that, but that was besides the point.) In the end, you decided on starting with the elephant in the room. “You almost died.”

He opened his mouth, closed it again. Looked away, back to you. “I didn’t.”

You shook your head. That wasn’t the point. “You could have.”

“And?”

Now it was your turn to open your mouth, only to find no words. You floundered for a second, then, “And? And? Philip what the fuck do you mean and?”

“It’s not like people aren’t dying every day, huh?” He pushed off the table, standing up straight and tapping the side of his head. “Huh, (Y/N)? You get this worked up about them too?”

You shook your head, rising from the chair so fast it skidded backwards. “That’s different. You know it is.”

“Oh, so now you’re–”

“This is not about that.” The words were tight, forced between your teeth as you stepped around the corner of the table to face him. “This is about the fact that what you did was reckless and stupid and you got shot.” You lifted a hand, poking him squarely in the chest hard enough that he swayed. “What part of that is not getting through your head?”

“He was a kid, (Y/N)! A little kid! You saw the place, they’d already killed one. How can you just sit and let that shit happen?”

“It’s not our place, Philip. Bad things happen every day. People die. We wouldn’t be here right now if people didn’t die! I know you're–”

He didn’t let you finish. “You don’t. You don’t get it. If you knew, you wouldn’t be standing there saying what you’re saying. You’d be on my side.”

“Your side?” You raised your eyebrows, incredulous. “There isn’t a your side and a my side. We’re trying to do the same thing! We’re a team, for fuck’s sake!”

“Well you sure as hell don’t act like it.”

“Oh my fucking God.” You could have screamed. You’d really wanted to avoid this. Hadn’t wanted to get into a shouting match when he probably wasn’t even supposed to be walking around, no matter how many dressings you taped onto his stomach or how many painkillers he downed. “You’re being insanely stupid. Insanely fucking stupid.”

“At least I stopped a kid from dying.”

You slammed your hand down on the table so hard it went numb, then burned all the way up your wrist. You ignored it. But still, even through the haze of anger and whatever else, you recognised the words for what they were. He was trying to confirm that he actually had managed to save Aleksander. As pissed as you were, you weren't cruel enough to leave that unanswered. “Ok, fine, you did. He's being reunited with his mother and they're riding off into the sunset and they're gonna live happily ever after. But you could have died, Philip! How many times do I have to say that?”

You didn't miss the tiny flash of relief — or something close to it — at your words. “This shit isn’t exactly risk free. Do you know how many others die on missions?”

“I don’t care.” There were tears in your eyes now, hot and prickling and you couldn’t even care enough to wipe them away. “You were bleeding out on top of me in the back of the van. And it could have been any one of us, too! What if it’d been Trevor? MacLaren? Carly? What if Marcy had taken that bullet and fucking kicked it, huh? Where would that leave us?”

He hadn’t stepped back as you’d pressed closer, and for a moment you wondered if this was it. If you should just walk away now before either one of you did some real damage. Then he swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Guess it’s lucky it was me, then.”

You half stifled your sob (an actual sob, which you were not proud of), raising your hand again to slam into his chest, press to your face, run through your hair. “What can’t you understand? Why can’t you understand?”

His own hand moved, slowly and hesitantly towards your arm. He paused and thought better of it before it got past waist height, searching your face. “What’s this really about?”

“I…” You stopped, breathing hard. He was right. It wasn’t just that he’d lied about the messengers or dragged you all on an unsanctioned and ill-prepared mission. It was more than that. It was, when you got down to it, his head in your lap in the back of the van. His blood coating you. His hand in yours. His eyes unfocussed, his breathing too shallow and the possibility that that was the last time you’d ever get to see him. When you spoke, each word felt like you were vomiting up a bowling ball.

“I don’t want to do this without you.”

There was a pause, then, “Fuck. Fuck, (Y/N).” And his arm was moving again, his hand coming to rest behind your head, and before you even realised what was happening his lips were pressed against yours.

It only took you a moment to melt into him, to step that little bit closer and tilt your face towards his, your hands settling on his chest between the two of you, fingers twisting in the material of his shirt as his tangled in your hair. He kissed you like you belonged to him, like he wanted you to be his and his alone. A tiny, involuntary sound slipped from you as his tongue slid between your parted lips, searching and exploring your mouth like you’d been dreaming of doing to him for far too long now. You pushed back against him, sliding your hand up to caress his neck, brushing over the stubble littering his jaw and cheek. The hand that wasn’t in your hair had settled on your waist, pulling your body flush with his, fingers digging into your flesh enough to send heat coursing through your whole being.

You moaned softly, your hold on the back of his neck tightening ever so slightly as you pulled him down further towards you. He was growing hard against you, you could feel it, his own choked hum of pleasure reverberating against your mouth as you moved your hips. You did it again, and this time it was a sharp breath sucked through his nose.

And God, you wanted him. You wanted him so badly it almost hurt, but as soon as you had the thought another one rang through your mind like an alarm through a good dream. You relaxed your hold on him, drawing back even as he chased your lips.

“Protocol 4,” you murmured, the tears that had slipped from your eyes already crusting dry on your cheeks.

“We’re not reproducing.”

You raised an eyebrow, glancing down to where his hips pressed against your own. You watched his hand move from your waist, down over the front of your hip to where your leg joined it. Your stomach swooped, desire pooling low in you as his fingers traced over your inner thigh, soft and teasing.

“Fuck you,” you whispered, your hands already back in his shirt and pulling him to you, lips crashing against his once more.

He gave a little grunt of surprise, the hand that had stayed close to your hair sliding back into it. But you were moving now, turning and sweeping one hand across the table behind you before jumping up onto it, parting your legs for Philip. He fit perfectly between your thighs, his hardness now flush with your clothed core in a way that had you arching shamelessly into him. His hand trailed down your neck, over your shoulder and down over your ribs, your waist, fingers curving there once more and pulling you closer. You didn’t think you could get any closer, but you needed to feel his skin on yours, touch him and have him touch you. You could feel his heartbeat through his shirt where your chest pressed against his, but it wasn’t enough. You needed all of him.

You managed to wriggle your hand into the tiny space between your bodies, fingers searching for the hem of his shirt and pushing unceremoniously under it. You had your tongue in his mouth now too, stroking and tasting every inch of him just as he’d done to you, and this time you were sure your lips were going to be bruised. Somewhere between your hand on his skin and his shirt being bunched up to his chest, Philip got the hint and broke away just long enough to shrug it off, dropping the piece of fabric on the table beside you.

“Tell me you changed that,” he said, voice low.

You nodded. “I threw the other one out.”

“Mhm.”

“It was so bloody it was starting to go stiff.”

“God, just stop talking.”

You smiled at that, and this time when he kissed you it was less… urgent. Still thorough and firm, still fraught with want and need, but less like a man starved and more like a man who was determined to enjoy a good meal. And hey, you were more than happy to provide that. You were barely sitting on the table anymore, your own wriggling and Philip’s hold on your waist to blame for the edge of it digging into your ass.

Without his shirt, there wasn’t anything for you to tug Philip by as you shifted backwards. He hummed softly when your hands slid up his bare chest, over his shoulders, pulling at him to come closer, come here. He stumbled a little as he leaned against the table, his own hand moving smoothly from its place on your waist down over your hip, along your thigh to your knee and back up again. You lifted the leg slightly, hooking it behind him and squeezing. There wasn’t much muscle to work with, not what you were used to anyway, but his breath still hitched in his chest as you did it again.

His hands were firm on your legs as he broke from your lips, staring at you with that same look you couldn’t quite pin down. Gently, you moved your hand up over his neck, fingers tangling in his hair as you cradled the base of his skull. It was so different to how you’d held him in the back of the van, your fingers leaving bloody stripes across his cheeks and neck and forehead, his gaze unfocussed and wandering until his eyes had just closed and you hadn’t been able to get him to look at anything, much less you. But somehow, it was the same. It was still Philip, warm and conscious and standing between your legs, face clean and eyes clear, lips kiss-swollen and just begging to be touched.

You swallowed, tearing your eyes away from his mouth and curling your fingers in his hair as you ground your hips into his. A muscle in his jaw twitched, his grip tightening on your thighs, his face still only inches from your own. His eyes, as they flicked down to your mouth, were dark with want.

“God, (Y/N),” he whispered as you did it again, your lips curling into a smile. He bent his head, breath warm against your neck as he kissed under your jaw, down the muscle at the side of your neck, sucking gently at the spot.

“Philip,” you sighed as he did it again, harder this time. Fuck, you hoped he left a mark. You cursed as the thought that that was probably a bad idea hit you, pulling gently at his hair to raise his head.

“Is that…?” he frowned, uncertain.

“No, no I like that. A lot. I just…” You stopped, reaching for the hem of your shirt and pulling it up over your head, dropping it beside his. “I think here is better?” you offered, pointing to your chest.

“Oh, ok.” His smile was quick as he bent once more, overtaken by a wince as it pulled at his side.

“Are you alright?” you asked quickly, ducking your head to meet his eyes.

“Fine,” he said tightly, leaning forwards once more.

“No, wait a second. You got shot, Philip. You’re not… Jesus, I don’t know if we should even be doing this.”

A pause as he searched your face. “I want to. I want you, (Y/N), if you want me.”

“I do. I really, really do. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. “You won’t.”

“You’ll tell me if I do?”

“You won’t.”

You huffed and crossed your arms, covering your chest. “Promise.”

“Ok, fine,” he sighed. “I promise I’ll tell you if you hurt me.”

“Ok.” You smiled again as you closed the little distance between you, unfolding your arms to run your hands over his chest. “Bed,” you murmured against his lips. Then, when you felt him hesitate, “it’s better than the table.”

He barely pulled away, even as you slipped from your perch and followed him to the door in the corner, through the mess you’d rifled through earlier and towards the bed. You turned, pushing him gently onto the edge of it, your hand resuming its place in his hair as you bent to kiss him again. His own hand had settled once more on your waist, and as you licked lightly at his bottom lip it slid up your side, hovering over your ribs. His thumb skimmed the skin just shy of your breast, where your bra sat, and you smiled even as you mapped the inside of his mouth with your tongue.

“Off,” you muttered, still kissing him as he undid the clasp behind your back (albeit with a little difficulty) and slid the piece of fabric from your shoulders. You raised your free hand, placing it over his and moving it those last few inches to your breast, squeezing your fingers over his. He drew a sharp breath and you squeezed your own breast for him again before dropping your hand to cup his jaw. You tilted his head gently further upwards, stepping between his legs as his thumb swiped an arc over your skin. Then he squeezed – just as gently as ever – and you let a moan slip from you. He took that as encouragement, pulling you even closer with his free hand as he moved, kneading the soft flesh, moving his hand until his finger brushed over your nipple and you half moaned, half gasped against his mouth.

He paused, then when you pushed harder against him did it again. You whispered a breathy “yes,” hardly drawing back at all before you were sinking to your knees between his, Philip following until he couldn’t, simply staring at you.

“What are you doing?”

Oh, you liked the view from here. You smiled as his fingers spread over your jaw, turning your face to place a kiss on the palm of his hand as you slid your own up his thighs. You paused when you reached his hips, nodding to the now very noticeable bulge in his pants. “Can I?”

You thought there might have been a faint flush dusting his face, but it was really too dim to tell. Either way, he nodded and watched as you undid his pants, lifting his hips as you pulled them down to pool around his ankles. His cock strained against his underwear, and your mouth watered as you looked up at him. His cheeks were definitely pinker than usual, his throat bobbing as he swallowed, not looking away even as you removed the last piece of clothing between you.

“Fuck, Philip,” you breathed, glancing from his face to his dick and back again.

He frowned, unsure. “What?”

You grinned. “I can’t wait to put that in my mouth.”

His thigh tensed under your hand, breath hitching in his chest. “Jesus, (Y/N), you can’t just say shit like that.”

“What?” you asked, bending forwards to place a kiss on his stomach, your thumb moving in slow circles on his skin. “That I’m gonna take you until I choke? That I’m gonna ride you so hard you’ll see stars, let you fill me up and fuck me six ways into next week?”

Before you could look up again, his hand was under your chin and he was raising your face for you, fingers careful where they gripped your jaw. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me,” he said softly.

You raised an eyebrow, finally reaching out and gently taking hold of his cock. “Don’t I?” you asked as you moved your hand, want surging hot through your whole body as he moaned low and deep. You shifted closer still, settling yourself between his legs before you bent your head and kissed the tip of his dick, licked it, relishing in Philip’s quick hiss of breath.

“Oh fuck,” he gasped as you sank your mouth over him, heavy and hot and already salty with precum. “Oh, fuck, (Y/N).”

You drew back, glancing up at him. Holy shit you never wanted to forget the look on his face – pure want, and directed entirely at you. “Ok?” you asked.

He nodded quickly. “Yeah. Shit, ‘s more than ok.”

“Good,” you smiled, licking a long stripe up his shaft and sliding your lips over the head once more, tongue soft and pliant against him. Your hand worked what wouldn’t fit in your mouth, slow strokes to match the slow bobbing of your head.

His stomach twitched as you hollowed your cheeks, another groan reverberating through his chest. You’d wanted to be gentle with him despite what you’d said, and were all too aware that he was still injured and maybe this had been what Marcy had meant when she’d told you not to do anything stupid. Not to let him do anything stupid. Well, it was too late now. What the medic didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, or anyone else.

You snuck another glance at Philip, the sight that met you sending a fresh bolt of heat shooting down your spine to pool between your legs. His head was tipped back, neck and jaw barred to you, his nose ring glinting in the dim light, chest heaving and hands tight where they gripped the sheets. You wanted to memorise him, here in this moment, and never let it go. You clenched your thighs, shifting in your search for a little friction, any relief at all.

Philip cursed softly, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he lowered his head to look down at you. “You’re so fucking hot,” he breathed, one hand trailing over your upper arm, your shoulder, weaving through your hair. He didn’t pull it, as such, but the pressure and the praise together was enough to make you moan around his cock. His hips jerked with the sound, fingers tightening and a muttered “fuck,” slipping from his lips.

“Hm?” You didn’t stop, eyes watering as you sped up your movements, his dick slick with your spit and only getting messier. Maybe with anyone else it would have been gross, but not with him. Never with him. His hips bucked up again, followed by a quickly gasped apology and a loosening of the grip on your hair. You rubbed your free hand over his thigh, squeezing gently. It’s ok, it said. I’m fine. Then, as you squeezed his cock and relaxed your throat even further, please.

“Yes,” he gasped. “Please, (Y/N), that’s—”

You hummed again, pulling your head back and sucking at just the tip, tongue flicking over the sensitive slit across it. He cursed again, loudly, your name falling from his lips once more. He thrust up into your mouth, hard enough that your eyes watered and you wondered if you were going to gag. You hoped not.

“Don’t stop,” he practically pleaded. “Shit, don’t stop.”

You wouldn’t dream of it. You sped up again, sucking hard and sagging over him, mapping every inch of his cock, every ridge and vein and sensitive spot. God, you could stay here forever, the warm weight of him in your mouth and his hand in your hair, listening to his moans and grunts and uneven breaths.

“I’m— shit, fuck, fuck, (Y/N) I’m so fucking close.”

That sent a thrill through you, the wet heat between your legs almost unbearable now. You took him deep, a gentle squeeze to his thigh the only reassurance and confirmation you could offer as you looked up, your vision slightly blurry, blinking rapidly to clear it. There was no way you were going to miss this.

Then he was groaning deeply, hand tightening in your hair and head thrown back, dick twitching in your mouth as he spilled hot and thick down your throat. His chest heaved as he said your name like a prayer, repeating it over and over again until it blurred into one sound. How many times had you wondered what he’d sound like? What he’d taste like? What he’d look like here, like this? It was better than anything your mind could ever conjure.

You swallowed, slowing your movements as he rode out the high, only drawing back when his breathing had slowed and he’d ceased trembling. You licked over him gently, cleaning up the worst of the mess of spit and cum, wiping the corners of your mouth delicately. You sat between his legs, tracing little arcs over his skin with your thumb.

“Alright?” you asked softly.

He took a long, shuddering breath and looked down at you, nodding. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. You pressed your cheek into his palm as he slid the hand that had been gripping your hair down over your face, turning quickly to kiss it.

His brows creased, and he paused. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

You shook your head, rising on stiff legs and taking his face between your hands. “You could never,” you said softly. Then a thought occurred to you. “It wasn’t… too much?”

He huffed a laugh at that, shaking his head. “No. You were great. Better than great.”

“Mm, good.” You smiled as he raised his hand to cup the back of your neck, pulling you towards him and into a gentle kiss.

“Off,” he murmured against your lips, free hand running along the waistband of your pants.

“Magic word?”

He just rolled his eyes. “Please.”

“Say it again,” you grinned.

This time he paused, drawing back ever so slightly, searching your face.

You just shrugged. “They’re not coming off if you don’t ask me nicely.”

His hand dropped from your neck, skimming over your chest and stomach to rest on your hip. He held your gaze as he leaned closer, large hands firm and warm against you, then dropped his eyes to your skin as his lips met your stomach. You felt your insides turn over as he kissed you there, your teeth digging into your bottom lip hard enough that it almost hurt.

“Philip,” you started, then hissed as he did again, his tongue soft and hot where it touched you – so quickly you wondered if he’d even meant to do it. But no, there it was again, the sensation sending more electric heat shooting through you. You moaned outright when he sucked at the spot, hand flying to his hair, fingers curling in it. God, you’d never get tired of that, and from the way he hummed against your stomach neither would he.

“Philip,” you breathed again. “Philip, that’s not asking nicely.”

He glanced up at you, and you could have come undone from that alone. His tongue darted out over his lips. “Then can I please take off your pants?”

Oh you really didn’t want to give in that easily. A few kisses and half a hickey on your stomach and you were caving? Really? But then he was whispering “please” and his breath was raising gooseflesh all over you and you were tingling all over and his voice was so soft and husky like this and–

“Yes.”

“Yes?” he echoed, frozen as he waited.

“Yes, Philip. Sí, ja, oui, just—” Your breath caught as he pulled you close before releasing your hips, making quick work of your fly and easing your pants down over your hips. Your underwear followed suit, pooling around your ankles before you kicked both pieces of clothing off to the side and stood, completely bare, between Philip’s legs.

“God, (Y/N),” he murmured almost reverently, stroking down over your hips and thighs, around behind your knees and up to your ass. And wow that did something to you.

“Can I?” You motioned to his lap, already bending your knee at the edge of the mattress.

Philip nodded quickly, already inching backwards to make room for you on the bed. “Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.”

You smiled, bringing your lips to his for what had to be the millionth time as you straddled his thighs and draped your arms around his shoulders, his lips parting easily under yours, his tongue dancing alongside your own as if he’d been born to kiss you.

“I wanna touch you,” he said softly into the space between your mouths. He was all over you, kissing along your jaw and neck and under your ear, touching your back and sides and legs and hips and ass, pressing flush against you. The only part of you that hadn’t touched him yet was, ironically, where you wanted him most.

“Please,” you replied almost immediately. “I want you to.”

A breath of laughter hushed over your chest as he ran his hand up over the top of your thigh, along the spot where it joined your hip, tantalisingly close to the throbbing heat between your legs. You bit your lip, watching his face as his fingers crept ever closer.

“Philip,” you warned.

“Hm?”

“Stop teasing.”

“I’m not, I’m just… taking my time.”

“Well— fuck.” The word was torn from you as his hand moved that last tiny distance, fingers sliding easily through your wetness.

“Jesus, (Y/N),” be breathed. “You’re…”

“Really fucking wet?” you suggested, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, that’s one way to put it. I didn’t…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Didn’t think I did anything that special.”

You snorted, shifting closer still. “It’s you, Philip. I just really, really, really, want you.”

He stilled for a moment, studying you like he was trying to memorise every cell making up your face. Then he stretched up and kissed you, stifling your moan with his lips as his finger slid over your clit. He did it again, a small, precise movement that had you grinding against his fingers as your own tightening on his shoulders.

“There?” he asked, barely breaking away from you.

“Oh God, yes. Yes, right there.”

His eyes didn’t leave your face as he circled your clit, your breathing ragged and your body arching into his of its own accord. You bit your lip hard enough that it hurt, trying desperately to stifle another embarrassingly desperate moan. God, how was he so good at this?

“Don’t do that,” he muttered, leaning forward to kiss along your collarbone.

“What?”

“Try to be quiet. I wanna hear you, wanna hear everything.”

“Shit, Philip,” you panted.

“Ok?”

“Ok. Ok, I— fuck.” He’d sucked hard at a spot on your chest, the faint pain cutting through the sharp pleasure spiralling from his hand. “Fuck,” you whispered again, your own hand flying to his hair as you scrambled for purchase.

“Mhm, that’s it.”

You felt the praise, something about the quiet huskiness of his voice and the way he gripped your hip making you squirm. “Philip please,” you gasped. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“I want you inside me. I need you inside me, now.”

He cursed, fingers leaving your clit to circle your entrance, almost tentative. Double checking.

You shook your head. “No, that’s not what I mean.”

He frowned, raising his head.

You let go of his hair, brushing a stray piece from his forehead as you slid your other hand down his front. You glanced at the tiny remaining space where his cock sat, hard again between you. You spat into your palm before wrapping your hand gently around it, moving your fist slowly. “I mean here, Philip.”

“Oh.” He swallowed hard, searching your face. “Are you sure?”

“Mhm. I’m sure. Are you?”

“Yes,” he breathed. “Fuck yes, I’m sure. Just—” He pulled away, reaching for the overcrowded nightstand (which, now you were looking at it, you were pretty sure was just a small filing cabinet) and rifling through the first one. When that didn’t turn up anything, he reached for the second.

“What’re you looking for?” you asked as he moved on to the third.

“Condom,” he grunted, then withdrew his hand triumphantly to show you a square of faded red foil.

“Jesus, how’d you know that was gonna be there?”

He shrugged. “Seemed like the kind of place to put one.”

“Yeah. Yeah, ok.”

“Ok?”

“Mhm.” You surveyed the package as he opened it, placing the foil pieces on the filing cabinet. “They don’t just… stop working, do they? If they’re a bit old?”

He frowned. “Don’t think so. It’s only a month out of date, anyway. Less, actually. And it wasn’t open.” He looked up, meeting your eyes. “We could get more?”

“No, no it’s ok. I trust you.”

“Trust Trojan.”

“Fine, I trust Trojan.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head as he rolled the piece of latex over himself. The dressing on his side gleamed eerily in the dimness, and you silently cursed yourself. How had you not thought of that?

“Is that gonna be alright?” you asked, gesturing to it.

Gingerly, he ran a finger of it. “I think so.” Then, as if it explained everything, “Painkillers.”

“Ok, just—”

“Let you know if it hurts,” he interrupted. “I will.”

You rolled your eyes as you lifted your hips, bracing yourself on his shoulders. “Alright. Ready?” At his nod, you sank down slowly onto him, pausing as you adjusted to the stretch.

“You ok?” he asked, breath unsteady, grip firm around your waist.

“Yeah,” you breathed. “Gimme a second.” A soft moan slipped from you as you lowered yourself the rest of the way down, glancing at Philip. “This ok?”

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, eyes dark, lips parted. “Uh-huh. You?”

“Yeah. Can I move?”

“Yes. Please, (Y/N), you can—” He broke off with a groan as you rocked your hips over his, slowly at first, finding your rhythm. It may have been a little tight initially, but now as you moved atop him you slid easily, Philip’s uneven breath and your own soft moans mingling in the space between your faces.

“Fuck,” you panted. “Fuck, Philip you feel fucking amazing.”

“(Y/N), oh, you— you feel amazing.”

You brought your lips to his, messy and uncoordinated and hardly a kiss by any stringent definition. You moaned into his mouth as you took him deep inside you, the delicious friction of his cock lighting every inch of your insides on fire. You needed him, needed to go harder and faster and—

“Harder?” he half asked, half offered. It was like he’d read your mind.

“Yes,” you whispered, lifting and lowering your hips with a little more of the desperation filtering through every fibre of your being.

“Oh, yes, fuck yes—” His hips jerked up into yours, hands almost rough on your hips as he guided your movements. “Used to dream about this,” he confessed to your neck. “Having you like this.”

Oh shit. You hadn’t been expecting that. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. What you’d look like. Sound like. What you’d— ah— feel like.”

“What do I feel like?” you breathed, then cursed loudly as he reached down between your bodies and rubbed at your clit.

“Like Heaven. You feel like Heaven, (Y/N), I—”

You cut him off, tilting his face to yours and kissing him so hard you thought he was about to overbalance. But he held you tight, lips and teeth and tongue clashing against yours, swallowing your increasingly desperate moans and whines — because yes, you’d gotten to the point where you were almost whimpering.

“Philip,” you practically sobbed, pleasure coiling tight and hot and hard with every push of his cock inside you, every movement of his finger on your clit. “Philip fuck don’t stop—”

“Yeah, no, shit (Y/N), keep doing that.”

“I’m gonna cum,” you managed. “Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna fucking cum—”

“Me too, you’re gonna— again—”

“Yeah, Jesus Christ 33— Philip—” And then you were crying his name over and over, white hot bliss flooding out through your body, back arching and legs spasming as Philip continued to move you. You were vaguely aware of his arms tightening around your waist and his face pressing into your neck, his chest heaving against your own, your name and what you thought might have been your number — both familiar and strange and so deeply tied to home it almost shocked you — mixed with his deep groans as he too climaxed. You hovered, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms, breathing heavily as the aftershocks faded from trembling limbs and your heartbeats slowed to normal.

After what felt like an age, you turned your head and kissed Philip’s temple, combing your fingers gently through his hair. He hummed appreciatively, raising his head from where his spit and your own sweat mingled at the joining of your neck and shoulder. He rubbed the spot softly, placed a featherlight kiss there and drew back to look at you.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he murmured.

You smiled. “Mm, I think I have some.”

His laugh was little more than a huff of air. He shook his head and he lifted you carefully off his lap, turning on the tiny mattress and pulling you close. You frowned at the sudden empty feeling inside you, but then he was tying shut the condom and dropping it on the nightstand, wrapping his arm around you and wriggling impossibly closer. You slid your hand up over his side, pausing when your fingers brushed the tape you’d used on the dressing. You were tempted to check it, make sure you hadn’t disturbed the wound at all — you’d never hear the end of that from Marcy.

You drew back just enough that Philip’s face came into focus, cheeks still faintly flushed, nose ring gleaming dully. He was already looking at you, his thumb moving in tiny half circles on your back, something close to awe shining in his eyes.

“What?” you asked, smiling.

“Nothing.”

“Come on. What’s going on in that super brain of yours?”

“Super brain?”

“Yeah. Your big historian super brain.”

His lips twitched up into a smile, soft and a little confused and all for you. “Not much,” he replied. “You, mainly.”

“Wow, ok.” You snorted, relaxing your neck and letting your face fall against his chest. He didn’t exactly smell nice, but something about it was incredibly comforting. There was that little breath of laughter again, his body moving with it and jiggling you.

“At least now I know you think I’m smart,” he said.

“Of course I think you’re smart. I think you’re a goddamn genius. The things you think of…” You trailed off, shaking your head. When you continued, it was in a whisper. “I think you’re amazing.”

He stilled, and for a moment you wondered if you’d said the wrong thing. Then, “I think you’re amazing, too.”

You lifted your head again, stretching up to brush his lips with yours. You shifted, but groaned as your thighs rubbed together. Your wetness was cooling between them, uncomfortable and slimy now that you weren’t moving with Philip anymore.

“I’m gonna clean us up,” you said softly, already drawing away.

“(Y/N), wait a second—”

You turned as he caught your wrist, watched him sit up with a faint wince. “What?”

“Nothing just…” He shrugged, still watching you.

You smiled, reaching up under his chin with your free hand as you stepped closer. You leaned down, and this time when you kissed him it was soft and tender and slow and careful. His lips parted, his hand still gently holding your wrist as he kissed you back with just as much care and deliberation. You could have stayed there forever, tongues and lips locked in a slow sort of dance. But the air was cooler when you stood, and the mess between your thighs really was uncomfortable.

“I’ll be back,” you whispered as you drew away.

He just nodded, eyes following your every movement as you swiped the used condom and wrapper, wrapped yourself in a blanket and stepped out into the main area. You were quick to find a towel, wet it, wipe yourself down, dispose of your rubbish inside an empty chip packet and pad back into the bedroom.

You slid onto the edge of the bed, glancing to Philip for permission before gently cleaning around his crotch. You wished there was a shower. You just wanted to stand under a flow of hot water (one of the things you’d been looking forward to most about the 21st century), maybe with the man currently watching you like you’d personally hung the stars, and not think about anything.

“Still just thinking about me?” you asked, half joking, as you dropped the towel over the edge of the bed and draped yourself along Philip’s side. You could hear his heart directly under your cheek, feel the expansion and contraction of his ribs on your front. You shifted closer and hooked your leg over his.

“Mm, pretty much.”

“What else?”

He paused, then, “Did you almost call me 3326?”

It was your turn to hesitate. “Maybe. Almost.”

“Thought so. Wasn’t sure if I was just hearing things.”

You looked up, frowning. “You hear things a lot?”

He just shrugged, then muttered an apology as you moved with his shoulder. “A bit, yeah.”

“Ok.” You weren’t sure what to do with that information, so you just turned your face and kissed his chest. “I could have sworn I heard you call me 3430.”

“Maybe.” You could practically hear the smile in his voice. “Maybe you’re hearing things too.”

“Maybe, Philip, but I don’t think so. Leave the future in the past.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I know.”

You squeezed him gently, and his arm tightened around you momentarily in response. You could get used to this, you thought as you closed your eyes. Your body was so heavy, and Philip was actually warm now. Warm and firm and real and very very comforting. “Can I stay?” you whispered. “Here? With you?”

When he answered, his voice was just as soft as your own. “Yes. I don’t want you to go.”

“Mm, I’m not going.”

He stroked your shoulder, the movement almost hypnotic. “Good.” You were vaguely aware of his arm moving, then something thick and a little itchy was being dragged over your bare body and his other arm was coming to rest over your waist, hand heavy and so warm on your back. The last thing you were aware of was the faint brush of stubble and a kiss on your forehead.

Note: obviously don’t use expired condoms that’s stupid. Anyways I binge read acotar like a few weeks ago and I genuinely think my writing skills have gone downhill because this is NOWHERE NEAR some of my other stuff. Not to toot my own horn and like I know I'm not the most amazing writer in the world but I am usually decent as far as smut goes. This is not on the same level. Also I had no idea how to address the host thing or the names thing or the numbers thing so I chose to simply mention it and hope for the best. I apologise (there really isn't much about this show floating around, huh). Also I'm only just realising this is weirdly similar in a lot of ways to my Ethan Hunt x reader one, but I really like this specific trope so yeah... deal with it lol

#travelers netflix #philip pearson #philip pearson x reader #philip x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #reader insert #fem!reader #philip x you #philip travelers

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cursedvibes · 7 months

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Shipbingo: Kenjaku x Sukuna and Kenjaku x Gojo!

Thank you for asking! I have some tricky feelings about these, so let's see...

Kenjaku/Sukuna

Soo, I think aesthetically they are a good ship. I've seen some nice smutty fanart of these two or ones that go into a more crack-y direction with them as Yuuji's parents or old married couple and I do enjoy their dynamic there a lot. I also like anything revolving around Kenjaku nagging Sukuna into a binding vow back in the Heian era, although I really don't need a ship dynamic there, it can be nice. I've also read some fanfics, but unfortunately most of them abide to the theory of Kenjaku being Sukuna's lackey or worshipping him or something to that effect, which is clearly not the case. When not that, then Kenjaku is pretty ooc. Haven't had much luck with fanfics.

Point is though, that I only like them in some AU version or purely for the porn. In canon Kenjaku gives me more the vibe of being Sukuna's controlling, abusive step-mom and I just can't see anything between them at this point. I can see why people like it, but the closer it gets to canon the less appealing it is to me in a shipping sense. Still enjoy their dynamic a lot though and I hope we get more of it.

Kenjaku/Gojo

Eeeh, at this point they don't do anything for me at all. There's some spiciness between them in the sealing scene and I do like shippy fanart that focuses on that or Kenjaku doing nasty things with the Prison Realm, but at this point I see those scenes almost daily online and they have lost a bit of their impact for me, so I'm kinda over it. I'm also not interested enough in Gojo to seriously ship him with anyone. Except Geto I guess, but that's more because I think they are canonically more than high school friends and are pining way too much over each other to have a normal friendship. I'm not invested enough though to put much thought into how exactly their relationship might've looked.

Aside from not being aesthetically the most appealing, since Kenjaku always has to be in Geto's body for it to work and Gojo's not my type, I also don't feel much between them after the sealing. Kenjaku doesn't mention Gojo or the six eyes during the time he's away, they just seem glad that was taken care of. He's just a stumbling block in their path towards Tengen. The six eyes reincarnation connection also seems more superficial to me with Kenjaku caring more about their function than them as individuals. Once Gojo is out, Kenjaku is more concerned with getting out of his way and even ditches their Christmas date. Gojo's also way too focused on Geto for me to see any strong feelings for Kenjaku. We saw that last chapter. He's with the "real" Geto, so Kenjaku seems no problem anymore. They're just some parasite running around in Geto's body and acting like Sukuna's mom, that's all. We don't even know if he bothered to remember their name. The students probably told him about what Tengen said and his role in all this, but it doesn't seem to concern him. So yeah, I don't see much of a connection between them, they're too focused on either Geto or Tengen to care much about each other as people. I know they've had an up tick in fans recently, but the hype had like the opposite effect on me. Not my thing.

#asks #kenjaku #ryomen sukuna

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belovecore · 5 months

Text

Selfship Vent

characters: idw prowl + zero

words: 1163 - hurt/comfort

author's notes: i wrote this in one go to help cope with some feelings. i've never been bold enough to write for a selfship in such a way i don't think, so this is a first. i might've made prowl a bit ooc but he's my father figure f/o so ofc i had to use him

trigger warnings: mentions of possible familial neglect/abuse from prior parent/overall angsty but it's alright at the end/really just meant as a one shot for one shot's sake

Zero sat in the back seat of Prowl's alt mode, a usual spot for her and safety held behind a seat belt if there were to be any sudden mishaps.

Zero had been quiet lately, and while Prowl was quite busy as was his job- it didn't take him long to realize Zero had come home from community college and head right to her bedroom inside the autobot base to be alone.

Prowl picked her up everyday when she went, and she usually had a whole spiel of things to talk about, even the boring stuff. Zero took the short ride as time to actually get to have quality time with Prowl.

Her true love language, the devotion to someone by wanting to be near them.

But now? She just looked out the window, not even surrounded by music per her noise cancelling headphones around her neck. She was just silent, only the sound of the wind against Prowl's frame breaking the quiet atmosphere.

Prowl never was one to talk about his emotions, but with basically adopting Zero. He sorta felt this desire to protect, probably more than before and that included covering all bases.

"Rough day, Zero?"

'Zero' being their nickname they preferred over their real name, Zoey Owens. Zero sighing and sinking into their seat with a sorta half-answer.

"I guess."

Prowl's wheel turned and shifted on it's own, quite common for a cybertronian but not so much for a vehicle meant to be operated by a human. The tinted windows helped in that regard as Prowl tried to consider if pushing would be too much on this- you only get one human that is your first and only your first.

"You seem to be having a lot of rough days lately."

He added, not quite asking but trying to somehow guide in the direction of giving Zero the signal to discuss this topic.

She shrugged, glancing at his driver seat as there wasn't exactly a face to look at while he was transformed, holding herself closer in her hoodie.

"Yeah. That happens sometimes... just sucks when you can't control it."

Prowl didn't pause much after that, cycling the conversation on a continuing path.

"Can't control it? What do you mean by that?"

She shuddered, pulling her hood up and tugging on the strings absentmindedly with black polished fingernails present in the display.

"You need to take a left here."

She drew a line in the sand there, Prowl not completely paying attention from bubbling worry as he did take his left to the base. The parking brake clicking along with the doors as Zero unbuckled to grab her backpack and step out of Prowl, turning to him as his t-cog kerclunked and he stood at his true height.

Zero didn't give him much of a look, heading towards the base. This was another display of odd behavior, she was adamant with 'love you's as one would call them.

Prowl's optics dimming a bit as he extended his servo, leaning his weight forward.

"Zero, wait."

Zero stopped immediately, not turning back but that should've been enough to know she was listening as his servo dropped and he addressed her from the short distance.

"I know you're flaky with wanting to discuss these matters, but I just wanted to bring up that I've noticed your change in behavior, even around me... Have I done something that has upset you?"

Zero shook a bit on the spot, clenching her jaw before she slowly turned to look up at him, dark eye shadow and eyeliner a bit smudged.

"No, but another father has."

Prowl's door wings perked up at that, but he could already tell that question seemed enough to Zero to spill the beans. That was the usual with her, unloading like a faucet that was turned on and impossible to turn off until it emptied it's contents.

She pulled her hood back, running her hands through her hair in some sort of soothing behavior as she looked quite distraught, looking to the side and fidgeting.

"Look Prowl, I have an issue with association. I don't mean to hurt you by my sudden shutdown- but my estranged father of now 6 years thought it would be best to reach out and 'rekindle' things."

Prowl's gaze became more still, slowly moving to sit to tell Zero he was going to stay and listen as she continued, gesturing out her hands and pacing a bit around the same spot.

"I have no idea what goes through that man's head, to suddenly come back and act like everything's fine after all he did to me!"

She shook again, clenching a fist and looking back up at Prowl as tears bloomed in her eyes.

"I have so much to say to him, but I know it won't do anything. It won't change his mind, or what he did, or make me feel better. All he did was remind me of what I was trying to forget, and that is him in his entirety."

Her face flushing red as her tears fell, mascara going along with it as she shook her head and looked at the ground, holding her hands together and squeezing.

"As far as I'm aware, I have no biological father. Yet he still tries to wriggle his way into my thoughts to endlessly torment me. Have I not suffered enough at his hands?"

She sighed, wiping feverishly at her face as she shook her head, petting through her hair again and going through small knots that had resided throughout the day.

"It's whatever, I'll get over it. But I still feel like shit, I don't need him giving me a panic attack in the middle of class through text."

Prowl had been listening, leaning into his servo and away did his gaze as he considered his next steps. His optics closing for a moment before he leaned forward, slowly to give the small human warning as he scooped Zero up to hold in both servos and give his small half-smile down at her.

"I understand, as I understand as much as I could."

Prowl wasn't exactly a sire himself, so it's not like he had sparklings to compare Zero to but he could understand the dreaded feeling of having someone once important in your life turn rotten and haunt you.

He used a fingertip digit to pat her little head as she smiled and scoffed at him, hands braced against his finger to hold it.

"Oh yeah, that's a real cryptic way to put it, Prowl."

Prowl flashed a grin, slightly bigger and holding her against his chassis.

"I guess it is, how about this?"

He leaned close, whispering to her.

"I love you, Zero. My beautiful adopted human daughter."

She stared at him, looking she might cry again but laughing up at him, leaning against his hold and embrace, quite exhausted from getting all worked up in that moment.

"I love you too, Dad."

#persona: zero #on the prowl #my writing #selfshipper #selfship community #self ship #selfship #self insert #f/o #fictional other #s/i community #platonic f/o #familial f/o #tw angst

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apprenticestanheight · 4 months

Text

A Start - Shotgunshipping

alllll right!! After having meant to since I initially watched Saw III and started this account, I am FINALLY writing for shotgunshipping. I wanted to put it off until I'd given the movie a rewatch but an idea came up while I was listening to boygenius and I couldn't resist. My requests are open to shotgunshipping reqs as well so if anyone wants me to write for these two more (I love them as much as I love chainshipping I am just TERRIFIED of writing for Amanda and mischaracterizing her and so I've put it off) send something in!

Fic type- this has elements of everything but angst and hurt/comfort are the biggest genres.

Warnings- a couple of mentions of weed, references to saw canon-typical violence, and despite the fact that I think I at least halfway nailed it, characters might still be slightly ooc

Amanda has spent most of her time within Johns orbit fearing the end of his life, what it means for her own and what the hell she's meant to do in the aftermath of his death. She's refused to think about it because it can send her into a spiral faster than any one of Marks individual threats, can make her so erratic that she loses touch with herself and dissociates with wide-eyes and a mind that is far less calm than she appears externally.

But, seeing John dead in front of her? Her mind is running wild and her gaze is unmoving. She has no clue where she's meant to go from here, what she's meant to do.

Marks letter comes to mind for a split second, and in that split second she realizes it doesn't matter anymore. John is dead because Jeff Denlon has killed him, and when an autopsy is preformed Johns cause of death will be determined as decapitation and slightly premeditated murder.

Another part of her itches to call someone, and as she flees out of the warehouse and down the street, running until she's jamming the key into the door of the apartment she shares with Adam, she fumbles around with the idea. Who, exactly, could Amanda call? Outside of John and a very limited friendship with Adam that has only blossomed out of necessity, she has exactly nobody.

Her parents don't talk to her, haven't since she was a college student in her early 20s. She has no siblings to speak of, no extended family that's willing to talk to her.

When she steps into the apartment, she's admittedly more than a little surprised to see Adam sitting on the couch in their living room.

"Didn't you and Lawrence have a date tonight?"

"Our date will begin after Lawrence fixes whatever chaos you managed to harbor and after I've taken photos of the aftermath," Adam grins. "You look spooked beyond the capability of any 90s era slasher, though. What happened?"

"Nothing much," Amanda pairs it with a grin, internally scoffs at herself because she can tell, right off the bat, that Adam sees it and is entirely unconvinced. "Uh--Chinese food?"

"C'mon, rockstar," Adam laughs. "We've lived together for two years, been friends most of that time. What happened? Did the trap not go as expected?"

"Something like that," Amanda nods. "John died and I didn't hear Lynns trap go off so she might've survived somehow but I don't think the cops know I'm one of his apprentices--or, if they think they know, that they can verify it--and everything just feels messy. Everything is unsure and messy and I fuckin' hate it."

"Try to relax, first and foremost," Adam nods. "If they do know, they have no feasible reason to care. Johns death is all that the cops or the coroners will care about for the next few days at least, and if Lynn is still alive she'll probably be too spooked to go to the police. I remember I was scared, and that deterred me for half a week after I was let go from the hospital."

"Johns dead," Amanda whispers. "You should be jumping for joy right now."

"Despite the anger issues and the sarcasm, I am in fact decent enough to keep my joyous jumping out of your line of sight," Adam says. "He was like a surrogate dad to you, Ames. You're allowed to grieve him."

Amanda tries to smile at Adam, fails miserably. He gives her the decency of a pity laugh, gives her shoulder a squeeze in lieu of a hug and makes no attempt to stop her when she heads for her room.

Amanda gets high, goes to sleep in the outfit she'd been wearing since she'd gotten dressed that morning.

Amanda wakes up the next day to find Lawrence making breakfast while Adam takes a shower, nods at him in greeting as she sets the coffeemaker up to make coffee as strong as the maker can handle.

"News outlets have begun reporting on it," Lawrence says quietly. "Lynn escaped alive-- the trap malfunctioned and bomb squad disabled it and took it off her, although her husband was shot by an officer and didn't make it out alive-- and I had Mark do a bit of snooping and you've not come up at the NJPD precinct. Their records are clear of you thanks to a bit of blackmail and the knowledge of the fact that John is dead. If Mark does anything to Jill, I will have to respond accordingly but all things considered, our regular lives may resume as they were before we were tested."

Amanda was tested somewhere close to her 27th birthday, and in the two years since she became one of his apprentices, John has been the earth where she is the moon, always within his orbit. Unendingly watching him, looking after him, making sure his plans are executed as he intends.

Now, Amanda feels like there is nothing left for her. Nothing exists--nothing she deserves, anyhow--within her grasp. She has yet to determine how she feels about that, but she knows it's there.

"Thank you," Amanda whispers, grabbing a coffee mug from the cabinet she and Adam keep them in.

"You'll need to find proper work," Lawrence says. "Adam mentioned that he's just recently quit the full-time receptionist job he worked to get a vet degree. They might take you in."

"You shouldn't gun for that," Adam says as he comes into their already small kitchen. Two people in that kitchen is a breeze and a half, but three? Three and it starts feeling squishy. "And because Lawrence made it sound like I wouldn't be able to cover rent, I do still work, just not at the receptionist job. I worked as a dog groomer on the weekends to keep my mind away from the bathroom for a while, and they just hired me back on full time in a way that accommodates my studying schedule. I can put in a good word for you with Amara? She's currently banging the hiring manager if you decide to apply."

Amanda gives an ungraceful snort, nods slightly. "I'd appreciate that, thank you."

"You need more than a shitty part time job," Adam shrugs. "You get the gig as a receptionist, its forty hour weeks, double minimum wage plus six bucks and decent people."

Amanda nods, pours the coffee and adds three sugars and a splash of milk so that it's to her preference for the hot rendition of the drink.

Adam takes some from the pot she made, laughs a little as he drinks it straight out. "You made this strong. Are you okay?"

Amanda nods in a way that she hopes is believable. "Just need to be awake for a while is all," she says. "Need to go for a walk, I think? Stay out of the apartment a little while and get my head straight."

"Do whatever you need," Adam nods. "However, if my wandering fingers happen upon your weed stash..."

"You're only allowed to touch the weed I have if you aim to get Lawrence stoned," Amanda laughs a little at the idea. "Or if you're too anxious to sleep."

Being one of Jigsaws apprentices practically guarantees nightmares because being one of his apprentices practically guarantees being tested.

Amanda was tested before she worked with him. Adam and Lawrence were tested before they worked with him. All three of them deal with nightmares night in and out.

It was too common of an occurrence for Amanda to wake up at four in the morning, grab her box of joints, go outside and have smoked three when she'd hear Adam, ambling about the kitchen to grab his bowl--which he clean after each use and thus leave to the right of the kitchen sink--and some weed to smoke to ease his anxiety after he'd woken up from three separate nightmares in one stream of unconsciousness.

"I'll grab a bit more from my dealer," Adam says. "You're gonna need it, rockstar."

Amanda moves to leave the kitchen, coffee mug in hand as she goes. "Yeah, yeah," she says. "Might get lucky and stop dealing with the nightmares now he's gone."

"Might not," Lawrence says.

"Probably won't," Adam tacks onto the end of the sentence. Amanda heads for her room, finishes her coffee while she grabs a towel and the outfitting for the day before she showers and leaves the apartment.

The walks, it turns out, help a decent amount. The games continue because of Mark but Amanda has absolutely no part in them, and when Amara Lewinsky calls and tells her she's gotten the receptionist job that Adam had quit in the name of eventually getting his degree as a vet, Amanda actually sighs in relief.

Weeks have passed since Johns death. Jill Tuck is nowhere to be seen or heard of, but the games have continued which means Mark is still running rampant.

It's late December when she sees Lynn again, clutching her daughters hand as they wait in line at a cafe near the heart of the city. It's a short walk across from the hotel and Amandas favorite place to go on her half hour break because the line is never long and the coffee is unendingly decent. Adam had told her to try their carrot muffins and, even though it creates something of a divergence in her usual routine, Amanda intends to do that that day.

Lynn turns around, eyes widening when she sees Amanda. Amanda tries to smile but it comes out more like a grimace, and Amanda shoves her hands into the pockets of the jacket she wears, yearns for one of the edibles she'll take during the break she'll get closer to four.

"Hi," Lynn greets. "It's been a while."

"Yeah," Amanda nods. "It has been. I think I owe you an apology."

"If you want to give me your number, we can organize something more cohesive? I--I assume you've got better things to do and I have to make sure that Corbett is back at school by one."

Amanda nods. Lynn ends up giving Amanda her card--one with her personal cell written on the back--and then she turns around and the two stop interacting.

Amanda gets herself a carrot muffin and an iced black coffee to-go that day, eats the muffin in the break room while she gives Amara a watered-down version of the interaction with Lynn and why it had shaken her up so much, tries not to think of Lynn or her silky and gorgeous black hair despite it.

She calls Lynn in the early oughts of January 2004. It's eight-thirty and she has thirty minutes until she has to be at work, which is a fifteen minute drive away, but the card with her number on it has practically burnt a mark into it's place on her night stand.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Amanda hates how feeble her voice sounds. "I just--I wanted to call and apologize for trying to kill you and threatening you with a gun and everything that happened in the warehouse. I am notoriously terrible at this kind of thing, and if you're angry at me I deserve it and am fine with that."

"I've been trying to figure out how I want to look at that," Lynn says. "The way I see it, you were manipulated by him. His death clearly devastated you and you have a lot of work to do in terms of undoing the ways he warped your psyche, but all things considered, you're forgiven. Are you free for coffee anytime soon?"

"I have work," Amanda felt a small piece of the guilt she had been dealing with lift itself off her shoulders. "But I'm free after! We can meet at the cafe across the road--Maries? I can meet you there for six."

"Perfect! They really know their way around a drip coffee and I'll need the caffeine anyway," Amanda hears some shuffling on Lynns end, pops a mint and moves to the kitchen, stealing a donut from the dozen Adam had likely bought in place of munchies on one of his rarer days off. "See you then!"

"Yeah," Amanda nods, and the call ends.

She grabs her car keys and the over-the-shoulder bag she uses in place of a purse and leaves the apartment without another word.

Lynn looks well. It's the first thing Amanda notices about her, the way that her hair has been let down from the bun she wears to work and the neutral expression on her face. She looks tired but that doesn't come as a shock and in the general sense, she looks really peaceful.

Amanda sits down across from her at the booth she's chosen. Lynns face spreads out into a grin when Amanda sits across her and Amanda has the decency to give her the same.

"How was work?" Lynn asks, voice even and sure and everything that Amanda is not.

"It was good," Amanda says. "I like the coworkers and the environment. Very easy to get used to."

It doesn't feel like small talk is the kind of thing either of them are really built for or meant to do, but there has to be a leeway into the deeper stuff so Amanda is fine to keep going with it, to go along with the small talk for as long as Lynn chooses to make her.

"Thats good," she says. "I ordered you an iced black coffee. Noticed you walked out with it the first time we met here. Also grabbed blueberry muffins--they're the best kind."

"I'm partial to a strawberry muffin from time to time," Amanda says. "But I can't argue. Blueberry muffins are pretty good."

Lynn nods. "So you work across the road?"

"As a full time receptionist," Amanda nods in turn. "Not really what I'd like to be doing but it's a start."

"Starts are good," Lynn says. Amanda kind of wants to go home, regrets agreeing to it at all, but at the same time, she knows that she needs it and that Lynn needs it for the sake of peace of mind.

"And you're not--the stuff that--the recent Jigsaw killings. That's not you?"

"No," Amanda says, voice earnest and a little desperate. "It's not me. I have no part in any of it anymore--that part of me died when John did."

Lynn nods like she believes Amanda. Amanda hopes that she does so sincerely.

"Okay," Lynn says. "Then thats a start, at least."

Amanda grins. A waitress brings their coffee and food, and Amandas gaze moves to her coffee as it's set in front of her.

She thanks the waitress absentmindedly, thanks Lynn for paying for the coffee and the muffins.

She knows it's not the greatest day, and she knows that it's unfair to expect their first--technically second--meeting to land on even footing.

But she also takes it exactly as it is. It's a start, and that's all that matters.

#amanda young x lynn denlon #amanda young #lynn denlon #shotgunshipping #saw franchise #saw posting

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purpledaisiesthings · 1 year

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I’m sorry but I can’t see Conrad being with Cade after that kiss with Billie. I know the show doesn’t want to tell us before the episode airs so they are being careful with what they reveal but come on now, there’s no scenario in which Conrad decides to be with Cade after being in denial all season long about his feelings for Billie, finally giving into those feelings by kissing her, only to say my bad, I made a mistake, I want to be with Cade. Yeah ok. There was time to not go in for the kiss before he did, so it wasn’t a decision that was made lightly. It’s crazy to me some comments I saw that claim that they were upset that Conrad “cheated”, that it was ooc yet turn around and say that he’s gonna stay with Cade bc that’s who he originally chose. Huh? So they’re not ok with him cheating on Cade but are ok with him doing Billie dirty and staying with Cade although he cheated on her, hmm very interesting.

Crazy how that works for them right?

If it was ooc for Conrad to kiss someone else while being in a relationship, then it most certainly is ooc if he then decides to go back to Cade after saying all that to Billie. In that case, he would have done two women dirty.

Whatever they want to call what he did (cheating or not, ooc or not), Conrad is most certainly not one to go back on his word.

He doesn't act without thinking. That man thought about it and knew exactly what kissing Billie would mean. He's a grown ass man who understands the consequences of his actions. He said one of the best things he could have said to her in that moment and then paused before going in for that kiss.

The funny thing is the kiss wasn't the first time he "stepped out." IMO, he also did in that dance. The way they were dancing without a care in the world, wasn't he also with Cade then. You don't dance that close and intimate with your friend. If he cheated, then he has been emotionally cheating way before that kiss. But I guess they draw the line when the act of kissing is involved 🙄

The thing is, the writing has always been written on the wall for Conrad and Billie. It's soooo obvious they are happening. Just look at the way they've portrayed them so far. It was intentional that they made Conrad and Cade get together off-screen. We didn't get to see how they started their relationship. The season started with them already together, but then that wasn't the end of Conrad's love journey. What was the point of doing a love triangle when he had supposedly chosen someone. There was still something going on with Billie.

Lol its hard to accept things when they don't go your way. I get them. But with shipping, you win some and you lose some. I've been burned so many times that I know when to give up and stop being delusional.

Billie and Conrad are here to stay, and they should start accepting this before its too late.

#anonymous asks #answered #billie x conrad #the resident #the resident fox #ship rants

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latenightdislyte · 2 years

Text

Into The Night (SFW, Angst) Leon x Reader

Notes: This isn't exactly a song fic but it is based on 'Into The Night' by NERO I feel like the vibe fits him so well, someone please give this man a motorcycle. And again, probably completely OOC. This probably sucks at the moment, I might go back and either rewrite it or just spell check and make a few edits here and there. We'll see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was late and the rain had been steady. I sat, curled up in the corner of the couch with a blanket, a book and a nice hot drink sitting on the stand next to me. The phone rang, I contemplated answering it. I didn't want to get up, but what if I was him. We hadn't exactly parted on good terms last time I saw him.

Why would he call me anyway? I'm the one who caused the fight. I'm the one who should be calling him. Why am I treating this like a breakup? We were just friends. Drinking buddies, even though nether of us actually drank.

I let it go to voice mail, if it was important they'd leave a message. A minute later It went off again, this time indicating that there was a voice mail. I looked at the message for a moment before hitting play.

"Y/N? It's Leon. Look, I know you probably don't want to hear from me right now. After all, I lied to you. I lied about something as important and dangerous as being a Shadow Guard. You have a right to be mad. But, I just wanted to tell you... a mission went awry and I'm going to have to skip town and lay low for a while. And that..." He took a deep breath. "Being put in this situation has made me realize something. I've tried so hard to lock away my emotions and keep people out, but with you. I didn't feel the need for that. I felt that a weight had been lifted from me and I could be more... myself. I... I really enjoyed hanging out with you, getting to know you, being near you. I hope that you can forgive me for lying and that, maybe, sometime in the future, we can try again. Maybe... as... something more than... friends. . . . I love you. Good bye."

Tears streamed down my face as I listened to the recording. I messed up. I messed up big time. I shouldn't have gotten so mad at him. I was just scared. I love him.

I grabbed my keys and jacket and ran out the door. I knew most of the places he would normally be. I also knew which ones had pay phones at or near them. It was an unlisted number, he didn't want me knowing it was him when he called.

I ran through the streets in the rain. Going from place to place asking if any one had seen him. Turning up empty handed each time. I needed to find him. I needed to tell him.

I looked for almost an hour. Pointlessly. He had to have been long gone by now.

I curled up against a wall and cried. I didn't know when I'd see him again or if I ever would or if he would even still feel the same by the time he did. Maybe he would rebuild the walls I somehow broke down and shut me out. I didn't want that.

I heard foot steps approaching quickly as someone was running by, but I didn't look up. I knew my face would be red and puffy from crying and the person sounded to much in a hurry anyways. I only stood when their steps faded, not realizing that a group of people were just about to turn the corner.

One of them ran strait into me causing both of us to stumble. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" "I'm sorry. I'll get out of your way." I kept my head low and hood pulled up, hoping that they wouldn't want to cause any problems. That ended up not working as well as I had hoped.

"Hey, wait a minute." A hand reached out and grabbed my arm, spinning me around and removing my hood. "Hey boss, check it. It's that girl we've been seeing Leon with." Damn it. Of coarse he had enemies, he's a hitman associated with the Shadow Decree.

"Hey, you know, she's kinda cute. What was he doing with a pretty little thing like you? Certainly you two weren't an item, were you?" One of the other men tilted my head up and side to side, looking me over. "No. We weren't. We were hardly even associated with each other."

Their boss hummed in thought. "Darn what a shame. Well we can at least still have our fun with you. What do you boys think.? He began to turn towards the rest of the group, but stopped short as the sound of a gun clicking sounded behind him "You'll do no such thing to her. Let her go or you'll be joining the rest of them."

The sound of his voice had me in tears. It was Leon, he was here. He was saving me. Thank the gods.

The one man dropped his grip from my face and the other let go of my arms. "Good, now back away from her."

As they moved backwards, Leon stalked around them, coming to a stop at my side. He slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me flush to his side. "Y/N. Close your eyes and look away." I did as he asked with no question and nuzzled my face into his side.

Two gun shots sounded, scaring me into pressing deeper into his side, not wanting to look and he didn't seem to want me to either, holding me close to himself and guiding me away.

He led me for a while before gently pushing me away by my shoulders. My back hit a wall and he trailed his hands down to grasp my waist, holding me there. He leaned over and pressed his forehead to my own, closing his eyes. I stood there and watched the worried look on his face with lidded eyes.

Before now we had hardly come into physical contact with each other, keeping a respectful distance as our odd friendship unknowingly developed into something stronger. At that time I think we both knew deep down what would happen if we had even just brushed hands, the unacknowledged tension would have snapped. But... we were both afraid for different reasons.

Now, that doesn't matter anymore.

He moved his face in closer and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes, returning it whole heartedly. We each held each other closely as it went on, eventually developing into a make out session.

Sadly we had to part for air, but we continued holding on to each other after parting, not yet ready to let go of the other. "I love you, Leon. I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I didn't mean any of it, I was just scared" He smiled warmly. "It's fine. I'm just glad your safe."

He released a defeated sigh and his expression dropped. "But that doesn't change the fact that I still need to leave town for awhile. There's more than just those guys." "Can I go with you?" He looked surprised a my question. "But-" "But what? I wanna be with you. After listening to your message I searched everywhere for you. I've never loved somebody like this before. I didn't realize 'til then what this emotion was. I love you, I truly do. Please, let me go with you."

His gaze softened. "Very well. You can come with me, but you must be careful. I couldn't stand seeing you get hurt." He kissed the crown of my head and pulled away. Gently taking my hand, he guided me away once more.

I didn't know where we were going and I didn't care, as long as I was with him, I was happy.

#dislyte #dislyte x reader #leon dislyte #vali dislyte #leon x reader #sfw #slight angst #maybe

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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years

Note

Hola Dani 😊 ¿cómo estás? I saw on the news that Sri Lanka declared bankruptcy 😔 I'll be honest I don't know what that means exactly but it sounds bad, I hope you're well 💚

Where is the Fucking Wedding Ring?

This better not mean what I think it means!!!

THE BEGINNING

Aww look at my Maxwell being a little shit!! 🥰

“Math is stupid,” Rafael grumbles.

“Math is stupid!” Max yells.

Then both children just start chanting “Math is stupid!” very loudly.

I agree!!! Math is stupid!!! 😌

“No. I’m dead.”

The amount of times I've had to deal with this OMG!! Just offer a sticker to the alive ones and move on Magnus!! Or take a 5 minute break and go cry in the bathroom whichever works for you

#followmeformoretips!

Magnus turns around. He lets out a relieved breath. “Oh, Alexander! Thank God! These two heathens are being very naughty today.”

🤣🤣 is funny that Magnus thinks my twin will help... he's an Alexander!!!

Then the absolute bastard drops to the floor too.

Told you!!!! I AM LOVE my twin!! *represent*

Alec.

His boyfriend.

His husband.

His everything.

Why is this making me teary-eyed?? Very OOC of me!!

Max seems to be confused as to why Rafael is crying harder than him. Alec comes out after a while. He frowns at the children. “What happened?”

Oh no 😔 my babies!!

“Hey,” Alec pulls him closer by the arm. “They’re kids. They climb trees. They fall down. It’s normal.”

It is indeed very normal!! A couple of weeks ago one of my kids ran into a wall and almost past out, the next day he was fine 🤷🏻‍♀️

“Why do we have to study math?” Rafael mumbles. “We don’t need to know math.”

Right?? I mean we do need Math but still Fuck Math!!

“I’m gonna be a prince!” Max cheers, holding up the copy of The Little Prince. Then he frowns. “How do I become a prince?”

That's what I call 🕯MANIFESTING!!! 🕯

“I don’t care how long it takes or who I will have to fight,” Alec tells him, his blue eyes steady. “I’m going to change it.”

He is perfect!!! 🥰

How could he not?

How could Magnus not want to marry this man?

Only an idiot wouldn't!! My twin is a dream!!

ALEOQOWLL!!!!! OMG THIS SCENE!!! WHAT IS THIS SOFTNESS?? LDPAPQPQ!!!!!

“Magnus,” Alec says – the word a prayer. “Saya tidak bisa membayangkan hidup saya tanpa kamu. Saya ingin tua berdua dengan kamu. Saya ingin bersamamu selamanya. Kamu adalah orang yang aku tunggu selama seluruh hidupku. Akankah kamu membuatku pria paling bahagia di dunia? Maukah kamu menikah dengan saya?”

I screamed!!!!

That is so beautiful!!! Ok new life plan: step one fall in love with a person that doesn't speak Spanish... step 2: make them propose to me in Spanish and die of cuteness!!!

THE MIDDLE

“Well, you don’t have to get married for that,” Magnus smiles. “You are already the prettiest boy in the whole world.”

Rafe mi bebé precioso es lo más tierno que existe 🥰

Today is important for both of them.

Today is their wedding day.

I have been waiting for this moment for a million years!!! 😍🥰😍🥰

Maybe I could propose in another language!! I will have to fall in love with someone who doesn't speak one of the languages I already know!! 🤔

He wants to take Alec’s breath away.

He wants Alec to look at him and think Magnus is worth everything.

Done and done!!

“Alec!” Magnus gasps. “You’re not supposed to be here! Go away!”

🤣🤣🤣 he lasted too long!!

Magnus reaches out forward and grabs the hairbrush. “Don’t even think about it. I swear to God.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is so funny!!!

Alec looks…Well, he looks like a prince.

He IS a prince, you're welcome!!

“If my life is going to be everlasting, I want to spend it loving you,” Alec smiles.

OMG 😍 song rec: I want to spend my lifetime loving you by Tina Arena and Marc Anthony

“Aku cinta kamu,” Alec reads softly. “Baby. Why didn’t you tell me?”

*adds that to my wedding plan* hehehe my partner is going to be a crying mess 😈

“Only the best for you, baby!” Alec yells as he runs after Jace.

🤣🤣🤣 who let these two idiots by themselves!!

It’s a necklace that hugs your neck tightly – kind of like a choker – and then moves lower with the little pearls and chains.

I need pictures of this necklace ASAP 😍

“It’s not a gift,” Shinyun replies. “It’s a piece from the museum. They lent it to me. Temporarily.”

Holy shit!! It doesn’t just look like art it's certify art!!! 🥰🥰 of course it was from Shinyun!! 🔥

And it belonged to a princess!!! 😲😲😲

“Don’t worry. I’ll come to your next one.”

Ok but... Can I be Shinyun’s plus one?? Let's be real she deserves an Alex too!!

Max tuts at that and runs down the aisle. Magnus laughs out loud.

I am love this wedding scene!!!! 🥰

He will remember the gospel from 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

As will I thanks to this story!!!

“I want you to wear this,” Alec whispers. “Only this.”

Father Enoch is always finding this horny bitches!!! Does he have like a radar or something?? Ding ding!! Must cockblock!!!

“Oh my god,” Magnus gasps and clutches at Alec’s hand. “Did you know about this? Alec! This is our song!”

That it's the song that has been making me cry for months now!!!

“I changed the law for you, baby,” Alec kisses his shoulder. “You think I won’t learn how to dance?”

I can't dance either!! I should add that to my wedding plan!! Also because it sucks being a latina who can't dance 🤦🏻‍♀️ must correct this unsexy behavior!!!

“Amor verus numquam moritur,” Alec reads the engraving on the ring – and gives it a soft kiss. “True love never dies.”

THE END

Oh no!! 😭 let's go back to Bali

Alec walks to barge into the ICU and shake the fucker and demand what had been so important?

It was the raisins Alec!!! Destroy them!!!

“We don’t know,” Isabelle had replied.

Really Izzy?? Now you're choosing silence!!

“He is very much okay,” the doctor smiles faintly.

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

“Rafael! Breathe! Magnus is fine! You need to relax!”

Nooo Rafe mi bebé precioso bapak va estar bien mi angelito hermoso... cálmate!!

“Rafael,” Anjali whispers. “Look at me.”

Ok everybody say thank you to Anjali for existing!!!

He doesn’t…He doesn’t know what to do when he goes in there.

My poor twin 😭 I want to hug him and keep him safe!!!

“What’s the point of freaking out?” Max shrugs. “It’s just gonna make you feel worse.”

Aww look at my Maxwell being so mature!!! 🥰

“He also said it might take 8 hours!” Rafael counters. He looks at Magnus worried. “Why isn’t he waking up?”

Magnus wake up!! I don't like this!! Magnus wake up!!! 🎶🎶🎶

Look at my twin following Anjali’s advice... that is one smart man right there!!!

“Do I tell Shinyun?”

Yes, tell her!! She's cool Alec, trust me!!

He’d rather not stay here while Shinyun held Magnus’ hand and whispered sweet nothings into his ear or sobbed into his chest.

🤣🤣🤣 She would never!!

“The last time I was sitting next to a hospital bed like this was when I watched someone who looks like him die,” Shinyun says, her voice low. “I’d rather not be alone right now.”

Please let this be the moment these two finally come together in the greatest that is loving Magnus Bane!!!

Alec resists the urge to flip a table or something.

That takes a lot of strength!! I would know 🙌🏼 also TWINS 😌

Please and thank you on the same day?

Baby.

Wake up.

You have to see this shit.

Yeah Magnus you're missing the sass!!!

She looks mildly annoyed. “What in god’s name are you talking about?”

SLSOQLWPWPQÑW!!! SHE'S GOING TO TELL HIM!!!!! MAGNUS WAKE UP!!!

She told him!!!!!!!!

“Don’t yell at him,” Alec scolds.

“I wasn’t yelling. I was hissing,” Shinyun corrects patiently.

Alexa play This is what dreams are made of...!!!

I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE!!!!!!!

“He dated me because it was easy,” she says. “He dated you even though it was hard.”

Facts only!!!

“Come on, baby,” Alec whispers. "You like fighting, don't you? I need you to fight. Fight. Wake up. Come back to your family. We're right here."

He called him baby!!!!!! ALDLAPQÑ!!!

“Oh my god! Bapak is high!” Max gasps.

Listen I don't normally like this kind of behavior but Max needs to unleash the chaos and record Magnus right now 🤣🤣🤣

“No. He is the love of my life,” Magnus shrugs. “But you’re my favorite person.”

His fingers shake as he picks up the golden wedding band.

The Latin inscription, words from Alec’s heart, is still there - etched on the outside.

My heart!!! This is too much!!!

“In his jeans!” Natasha yells back after what seemed like forever. “Back pocket!”

SKAÑWLQÑQ!!! OMG OMG OMG THAT'S WHY!!!! OMG!!!

“Hey,” Magnus smiles. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is okay.”

Everything is perfect!!!

Thank youuuu Dani!!! This chapter made me so happy!!! You are the Anjali of story telling!!! The Shinyun of angst!!! The Izzy of fanfic writing!!! The Catarina of fluff!!!! I AM LOVE YOU!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚

Aleeex.

Your compliments make me blush. Stop it!

I taught kids for like 8 months (because I thought it would be fun looool) and literally lost my will to live so like I FEEL YA.

the country is in deep shit. but the people are fighting harder than ever. it's very overwhelming to see. thank you for the love 💚💚

#tlnd

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musekicker · 2 years

Note

This concept might be more on the ooc side but I've always wanted an episode of srmthfg where Gibson actually goes feral. Like pure actually rage that makes the other just...step back. I know we've never really seen Gibs get like this in the show but can I get a SoulBond AU ficlet for this please? Maybe an enemy goes too far, or he's just trying to protect the others and loses it a little.

Unsure if this will count as feral, but it's for sure Gibson being very angry at a enemy enough it scares the others a bit.

There was a new enemy that was also connected with the Skeleton King that the team had to deal with now. One that was oh so human yet was more of a menace then had been first thought. He was doctor of sorts. Thought Gibson had wondered aloud what place of learning would give this man credentials. Point was, the man had been hired to study the soul bond between the monkeys. The idea of the study to figure out how this bond could be used or for weapons to use against the bond.

As of the moment they didn't even have the man's name. They just referred to his as the doctor.

And at the moment, the hyper force were in the hands of this particular enemy.

Gibson was laid out on a lab table. Not bound to it. But he couldn't exactly just jump up and attack. There were enough drugs in Gibson's system that everything felt dull and out of focus. He couldn't even really feel much of the others somewhere in the cells through the bond. Just occasional dull sensations.

He was not the only one in this situation. Otto had also been brought into the lab. And drugged as well. Sometimes Gibson would remember Otto was there and Gibson tried to reach a weak, shaky hand towards Otto. The action made him feel dizzy.

If the doctor noticed this action he didn't say or do anything about it. He just was entering information on his data pad. Then he wandered over to Otto.

"Working on the green one first today." the doctor said aloud to his tablet, a voice recording journal and note taking system.

Of course the man referred to them by their fur color. It was not as if the man cared about their names.

The doctor kept on making his notes.

"Of course not dissecting or taking anyone apart just yet. I don't want any of them dead for the time being. That doesn't mean I won't do a few surgeries and maybe taking a limb or two will give me more information about them and their bond mates." the doctor said.

Otto was hardly awake but clearly he heard and understood what the doctor was saying. Because the taste sensation of over salted food entered Gibson's mouth. Otto's fear response. That and the things the doctor had said so very casually sparked anger in Gibson.

Somehow his anger at what this man dare threaten to do Otto overrode the drugs still in his system. It was a strange sensation. One moment he had been so tired he could barely stay awake, the next he was up and ready for a fight, shaking and thrumming with energy. And he was not the only one. Otto was fully awake now, as if Gibson's anger had gotten all of the drugs out of his system as well. And with the doctor's attention on Gibson, Otto was able to stand and get to Gibson's side.

"Otto! Go get the others out. I'll deal with him." Gibson said.

"But-"

The expression on Gibson's face told Otto that this was not something to be debated. So Otto ran out of the lab to where the cells were.

Gibson moved towards the doctor, still shaking with anger. Instead of looking afraid as the man really should had been, the doctor was curious, almost elated with this new wrinkle.

"Interesting... your bond powers can even over come being sedated if given the proper reason to-"

"Shut... up." Gibson snarled.

The tone that sounded far too gruff and towering for a small robot monkey. But towering was more certainly the word for Gibson in this moment. It was if the anger was bigger then Gibson. And in more control.

The doctor backed up, now properly afraid. Almost as if they could sense the crashing of the ocean waves sensation that Gibson knew his other soul bond mates could feel now. Then there was a sensation in the back of his throat. A salt water and burn that was like the burn of trying to get oxygen yet could not get it. At first just a mere touch of sensation. Then it was like he was drowning. There was no water in his lungs but he was drowning.

The doctor gasped, falling to his knees and reaching, clawing out to the air.

Gibson was still angry, and he still watched.

Otto had freed the others by this point And they were all shocked by the scene that was playing out in front of them. The other monkeys were of course not feeling the drowning sensation, but the image of the storm churned waves and the feel of water spray on their face even if there was no water were strong enough that it nearly staggered the monkeys.

"Gibson!" Chiro cried. "What are you doing?"

"And how is he doing it?" Nova asked.

"Gibson! Gibson stop! He's down!" Sprx cried.

Gibson looked up, and his eyes were a stormy grey when he looked at Sprx.

"I want him to stay down!" Gibson snarled.

The coughing from the man that dared to trap them all, to study them, to scare Otto with the threat of-

"It's okay Gibson, we're okay. I'm okay. Please, stop now." Otto cried.

That over salted taste was back in Gibson's mouth, Otto's fear once more a sensation he felt through the bond. Gibson knew this time the fear was because of him. And that was what he could not let keep happening. Gibson's eyes started to darken back to their normal color.

He willed himself to stop. and as his eye color came back, his power that was drowning the doctor died down. He stopped those awful choking noises, clawing at the air as if it would had saved him. And as Gibson felt his shoulders sag a bit, that rage he had kept in them and his stance gone, the doctor collapsed.

For a moment no one said anything, did anything. The Antauri and Chiro carefully stepped over to the doctor.

"He is still alive." Antauri said after a moment, answering the question that everyone was thinking.

Otto was at Gibson's side, sending in soothing baked goods smells and warm fireplace heat through the bond to Gibson in a attempt to comfort. It didn't stop Gibson from being upset.

"I... I'm sorry. I lost it quite a bit there." Gibson said, his own tail wrapped around his waist as if to hug himself.

"A bit?" Sprx said.

Antauri stepped away from the doctor.

"How did this happen?" Antauri asked.

"I don't really know." Gibson admitted. "He threatened to cut Otto open and I got so... so angry. Then..."

"Then you nearly drowned him somehow." Chiro said.

Gibson nodded.

"This is... troubling." Antauri said.

Gibson looked down to the floor, Otto's tail joined Gibson's own tail around his waist. Still trying to comfort.

"Is what Gibson did something we could always do and just never did it before?" Sprx asked.

"Or it could be that the bond is changing somehow?" Nova said.

"Both possibilities." Antauri said. "And something we need to figure out."

#srmthfg

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smiletimeisrunningout · 9 months

Text

ooc: I want to make a little lowkey low activity blog for canon divergent characters and test characters I've written before; the problem is that honestly I'd want to make them to explore a few dynamics I haven't explored enough before, but most of them are ships, so Idk how to make a blog that says 'my X character is only open to your Y and Z characters, also to some characters written by a few rpers I know' without: A. making people feel like if they write Y and Z they are forced to ship with me to interact (which I would never!) B. making people think I hate all other characters and ocs and au ones and that I only focus on shipping (which by the way is my favorite dynamic, so what? In rp I love shipping the most, same way others prefer angst) C. inevitably finding rpers who will still try to interact with my characters using some who aren't Y and Z and I'll have to tell them no D. making people who rp with me on Emma feel forced to interact there too E. have people run to that blog instead, and never interact with Emma which is still my primary and most fun muse to use

Like, look at Clarke from the 100: at this point I think I'm only interested in writing canon divergent plots with Bellamy and Murphy because those are the ones she clashed with the most and never got resolved, plus shipping whenever doable, and I could also see her fixing things with Raven in threads which would not exactly start super happy... and possibly having happier threads with Abby and with... step-dad Marcus, apparently, because I LOVE DOMESTIC THINGS in fandoms where there is nothing but pain, but that's pretty much it. But I don't want all rpers who write with me here to feel forced to write with her too, I don't want others who write Bellamy to feel they can't interact because they don't romantically ship them, or to feel bad because they play, say, Diyoza (whom I love so much, I just... don't feel enough Clarke to be interested in writing an entire new dynamic) or an oc.

#ooc

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lostysworld · 3 years

Text

A healing touch – Kaz Brekker x reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 (final)

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Warning: OOC (so much for Kaz),fluff!!!!!!

Summary: Kaz is ready to give a second chance. It leads to finding his true place around you.

A/N: I've done this, guys!! I've done fluff!!! Hope you'll like it :D

Masterlist

For the whole next week you are helping your parents, who are trying to plan you soon-to-be birthday. No need to mention, you don't want to celebrate, when your head is busy with what happened between you and Kaz.

You love him, really love. And you aren't even angry at him, because everyone makes mistakes. But sitting like this, doing nothing and waiting for Saints know what is slowly killing you.

You met with Inej and Nina for several times to discuss it, but they couldn't advise nothing, but to wait.

Your mother, in her turn, decides to invite all your friends. Means, all the Crows will be at one place at the same time, and it's definitely going to be fun. Maybe you just need a little bit of distraction.

Your birthday is your father's day off, so your house is soaked with pastry smell from base to the roof from the very morning.

Since your dad is preparing everything at home, it is your turn to help your mother at her work. It is where Kaz's messenger finds you.

A small note shakes in your hands slightly, as you can't stop it.

"If you didn't change your mind, come"

You chuckle. In the end of the note you see a small ink scratch of a crow foot. Kaz always signs notes for you that way.

– Are you planning on standing like that and keeping him waiting?

Your mother's voice rings from your back.

– How do you-

– You have this face again, - she smiles shortly at you and nods towards the door. – Go, girl. I can manage this place by myself.

The wooden door squeaks and you come inside the office. Kaz is sitting behind his table as usual, but he instantly stands up, when you appear at his doorway.

– Hey, - your awkward smile lightens up his worried face a bit. – Something important for me?

You don't know why he called you here, but don't want to have a false hope.

– Yes...it is important, - the man comes up to a drawer and takes out a silver bracelet, the one that matches your pendant. – Happy birthday, Y/N.

He extends his arm to you for taking it, but you only come up to him and cover his gloved hand with yours.

– I will never change my mind, Kaz. Not for you.

Brekker sighs heavily and raises his glance on you, making you shiver. You have never had a thought of how it could be hard not to see him for a week.

– You will be in danger every single minute of your life, - his firm tone makes you nod. – And we will both live under constant pressure.

– Fine.

– Not to mention, that I can never give you a full life, and-, - you make him stop with your hand on his, giving the man a slight squeeze.

– What do you think full life is, Brekker?

He shakes his head, aware of the fact, that you will never agree with him on this point. A faint smile of yours reassures him a bit, and when you start speaking, he relaxes.

– Having you by my side, Kaz, is pretty enough for me. Frankly, - you slowly take off his gloves, one by one, laying them on the table. – It is the only thing I can dream of.

You are so close now, and want to kiss him so badly. Brekker's gaze drops to your lips and you understand his intention quite clearly.

With a shaking breath he moves to you, and you can only imagine how hard it is for the man. Yes, he advanced greatly with this, you can now even allow yourself an accidental brush across his hand, but a kiss is another thing.

– You don't have, if you don't want to, Kaz. I can wait.

He shakes his head reluctantly, and lays his bare hand on your shoulder.

– The problem is that I don't want you to wait, Y/N.

With that he slowly shortens the gap and brushes his lips across yours. It is merely a kiss, but it feels like heavens for you, as it is literally your biggest dream, that, you think, was impossible.

The grip on you shoulder tightens, and you can barely hold back a smile. It is a big move for Kaz and you as well, so you can't be nothing but proud of him. Even if he is a bit nervous.

Then he breaks the kiss after a dozen of seconds and touches your forehead with his, staying like this for some time.

– It is not stolen.

– What? - you leans back to meet his gaze. The man nods towards the bracelet on the table he gave you.

– The bracelet is not stolen. I bought him in-

You shut him up with another careful kiss, this time more passionate, not afraid for his reaction. You can swear, Brekker grins tensely in the kiss, as you can feel it with your skin.

Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel, bought a birthday present for you, matching with his previous gift. What else could you dream about, really?

– I turned out, - Kaz tries to calm his breath. – Liking you a lot more that I originally planned.

– Is it anything, that you don't plan?

– You, kissing me for the second time. It wasn't planned.

You chuckle and instantly find his other hand to hold, but he halts. Seems, it's too much for him in one moment. Brekker gives you an apologetic smirk.

– You are doing great, - you smile to him, trying to reassure.

– I still need time to work it through.

– You are not alone, Kaz, - he keeps staring at you in a kind of awe. – We will work it through. I will help you.

Brekker grins at you and reaches for the bracelet on the table to lock on your wrist.

– Will you come to the dinner?

You suddenly remember about today's birthday party. Now, when everything is settled down between you two, you can think about planning again.

– I'm not sure-

– Everyone will be there, Kaz. And you know my mother will be happy to see you.

Brekker hesitates. Though you don't want to force him and rush the moment. But it would be lovely to see him along with your friends and family.

– You know, I don't suit family dinners, Y/N.

His half broken voice makes your heart ache for him. Why he can't understand this? He is worth everything. You know his fear of not being able to give you full live pretty well. Because partly it is your fear too. That your efforts will be not enough for both of you.

Not to worry Kaz even more, you lay your hand on his elbow.

– I will be waiting for you today's evening, love. But it all is up to you.

You turn to leave, not noticing him freeze from the nickname you give him. He surely doesn't let it just pass by. And when the door closes, he still stands in the middle of his office, trying to collect himself after your visit.

The noise in your house is pleasant with everyone chatting and telling stories. You look them over and smile. Every Crow finds its place here.

Nina is busy with your mother at the kitchen, dragging Matthias with her. Jasper is telling your father about shooting and Inej only smiles shyly, when your mum tells her to make herself comfortable.

Everyone is on the place. Everyone except Kaz. He still doesn't show up, and your hope is slowly getting lost in a cword laughing.

You know it is not his intention to upset you, Brekker just doesn't like big companies and can't find a proper place for himself.

And when the sudden knock on the door rings, you instantly rush to open it. The wide smile appears on your lips as you see Kaz, who's grinning shyly at you.

– You came! - you want to hug him, but refuse just in time.

– Happy birthday again.

You smirk and nod towards the room.

– Won't you come in? - that hope in your glance is so visible, that you don't even need to beg the man. – The party isn't complete without you, Kaz.

He chuckles, coming closer to you, but shakes his head reluctantly.

– It's too crowded for me.

– It's not a crowd, Brekker. They are your friends too, - seeing that you almost win, you continue to force him. – Come on, Kaz, join us. My mother adores you.

– Yes, that's exactly what I'm afraid of, - he surely notices another woman's steps towards the door, and steps back to hide in the shadows, but your mum is not that naive.

– No, no, Mr. Brekker. You will not fool me like this, - you put your lips in a thin line to hold back a laughter. This woman knows how to get under someone's skin. – We saved a seat for you. So, hurry up.

With that she comes back to the kitchen.

– You heard her, Kaz. You have no choice now.

The man walks out of the darkness with that one-sided grin, the one you love the most. He comes in to let you close the door.

Everything goes well, you mother is hovering around Kaz like a mother hen, that makes you smile even more than before. It isn't really a birthday party, but a family dinner just with more members.

– So, you, Mr. Brekker, are up to illegal things here in Ketterdam, am I right?

The sudden question from your father makes everyone shut up, even Jasper. Little do they know, he isn't a strict man. He asks it just out of interest, and they shouldn't be nervous like this.

Kaz tenses and you don't get to somehow show him, that it's alright, when your mother comes back from the kitchen with her famous apple pie.

– Do not scare our guests, Y/F/N. Let them enjoy the dinner.

You suppress a smile to your mum, who stands next to Brekker, knowing this question is for him. Seems, she likes him most of all and even ready to protect from your father's curiosity.

Your father starts cutting the pie.

– I don't care what he is doing, until he's a gentleman. Manners make the man.

Kaz casts a glance to you across the table, and you just nod to show, everything is okay. He's a perfect gentleman, it's for you to know for sure.

When the dinner is over and the Crows go to the Slat, Kaz stays for a little, letting them to leave you two alone.

It's long past midnight, when you walk him to the entrance door.

– Thank you, Kaz, - he comes out and turns to you. – Your presence means a lot to me. And your gift too. Thank you.

He nods, but isn't going to leave. You close the door behind you and take his gloved hand to lead him to the nearest bench. The day was amazing, and you are not ready to let him go yet.

The skies are glowing with millions of stars tonight, and your glance is stick to it. You don't notice how Kaz is looking at you.

– Thank you for the invitation then. I have never had a family like yours to be around.

Your eyes meet his and these sad sparkles in his voice makes you thinking of something.

– Well, you have now. A very big one, actually.

Kaz glances at you, making goosebumps run down your forearms. How can a single glance give you such reaction?

You know, that he's hard to persuade, but you really want him to know, that he has a safe place to go to.

Brekker doesn't respond and when he switches his gaze above his head to look at the starts, you notice his eyes are a bit watered.

You think about how much he suffered, and how you can help him to make peace with his past from now. You, your friends and your family will be always here for the man.

The sudden thought of his last improvement comes to your mind.

– Kaz, - you call his name, but he doesn't move. – Your brother would be so proud of you.

He immediately turns to your, eyes are searching for something on your face. But you are serious as never before. Brekker's trauma is a constant reminder of Jordie, but he can't remember his family like that. There should be something good in it.

His glance slips to your lips, and for a couple of moments he can't take his eyes off. He takes one shaking breath, overwhelmed by unspoken words and emotions.

– May I.

You know that this day is the hardest for the man, and you're pretty aware of his boundaries, but just can't let yourself stop him.

You nod and he takes one of his gloves off, slowly caressing your cheek. When he is about to lean forward, you stop him in an inch from his lips with a whisper.

– You are the strongest person I know, Kaz Brekker.

Your heart sinks down, when his lips finally touch yours in a slow tender kiss.

You want to embrace the man, but try to keep your hands out with all your strength. With every second passing, you feel Kaz relaxes, and it brings smile to your lips.

He brakes the kiss and furrows.

– What? - Brekker's face almost makes you grin more. You shake your head.

– Nothing. Just love you.

Actually you can do it all night long, telling him the truth and watching him falling in a sort of shock. And his reaction only encourage you to go on every time.

The man shakes his head in disbelief and gives up a smile, the kind you didn't see before.

– It's...I'm a fool, when it comes to revealing feelings, Y/N, - you shake his world completely, but Kaz starts getting used to it. – But I want to tell so much.

– I will not force you into anything against your will.

He shakes his head and moves closer. You are so warm and radiant, he just can't stay cold and collected with you around, doesn't want to anymore. Of course, for everyone else he is still the same Kaz Brekker, but not for you.

– I just want you to be patient at this point, Y/N.

– I've been knowing you, Kaz, for two years, - your light chuckle touches his heart. – Patience and I are long friends.

– So? - he raises his brow to you.

– So, I can live with that, Kaz Brekker. For as long as you will have me.

This smile of his can melt you to the ground and you smile to him back, turning your gaze to the skies again.

After a second you feel his gloved hand covers your fingers, and grin.

This day is your pure bliss, and you two will endure everything else together.

So, this is the end of it! Thank all of you for likes and comments, I hope you really enjoy it ❤

Actually, I have an idea of writing The darkling x reader imagine. Maybe, you'll be interested :D

#shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x you #kaz brekker fanfiction #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x you #six of crows x you #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows

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fakeikemen · 4 years

Text

Katara's Grief

(This is my first attempt at a meta post and I know that this has probably been already done but I just needed to get it off my chest and go on a little rant and it kinda got long so bear with me.)

A lot of the hate on Katara stems from the fact that she keeps on mentioning her mother's death at every chance she gets and invalidates other people's pain to assert that her suffering is the worst of the lot.

And even though everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I'm gonna point out why I think the aforesaid claims are not exactly correct.

First we'll take a look at; Katara's Backstory:

We know that Kya is killed in a fire nation raid and that Katara had been the last person to see her alive before she leaves the tent on her mother's insistence. Only to come back a few moments later and find her dead body. This, in itself is a traumatising event.

So yes, her mother died. Other people in the story go through far worse. You're not wrong when you say that.

But what is more important in Katara's story is the aftermath of her mother's death.

As Sokka says while talking to Toph in "The Runaway" in B3 Ep7:

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara? She had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom.

As an eight year old, she had to force herself to grow up to step into her mother's shoes and raise herself and her elder brother and simultaneously look after the entire village after her father left to fight in the war. She had to do all of it by herself.

In face of all her responsibilities, she never really had the chance to simply be a grieving child lamenting the loss of her mother. She habituated herself to caring more about others than herself (We see this trait in the entire series as she acts as the stand-in mom friend for the entire Gaang with an exception of Suki and Zuko). She ended up bottling her feelings of grief, resentment, guilt and rage deep within herself.

She had to give up an extensive part of her childhood where most children focus on figuring themselves out, to become a mature and responsible person who was working as the immovable pillar holding up the family and even the whole village not much later.

She put up a strong front to help others and pretended to be fine even though she was hurting inside the whole time.

She could never find any closure from the situation. She never got over it.

Moving on to the criticisms:

1. Katara keeps on mentioning her mother like a broken record:

Here are the number of times Katara mentions her mother's death (not sure if that's all of it, lmk if there are any others):

1. In her first scene with Sokka

Katara: Ever since mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!

2. A short while after she meets Aang

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

3. A short while after she meets Haru

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

4. A short while after she meets Jet

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

5. In the swamp after she sees a vision of her mother

Katara: I thought I saw Mom.

6. In the Crystal Catacombs with Zuko

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

7. A short while after she meets Hama

Katara: We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

8. Repeated mentions in The Southern Raiders episode

(Most of the episode basically)

The first mention with Sokka is in the middle of a siblings' spat where she tells off Sokka for trying to act as if he were superior when it was obvious that in the face of the gaping hole that was left by Kya's sudden death, Katara had shouldered much more responsibility.

When she tells it to Aang, she uses it as a proof that the Fire Nation is capable of immense cruelty and destruction.

The Gaang travel all around the world and meet different people affected by the war in different ways. So when Haru, Jet and Hama narrate their own stories, Katara sympathises with them and talks about Kya's death in lieu of "I understand, the Fire Nation hurt me too."

After they got separated, Aang, Sokka and Katara each had their visions and after they get back together, they all mention their visions and so does Katara.

When left alone in catacombs with Zuko, whom she considered as the face of the Fire Nation— the same Fire Nation that had her mother killed and forced her father to leave to fight in the war, she has a meltdown where she rightfully accuses him of all the bad things he's done and then breaks down while talking about how the war has cost her i.e., by causing her mother's death.

The Southern Raiders is the episode where Katara hunts down the man responsible for her mother's death. If you think mentioning Kya repeatedly in this episode is uncalled for, then I don't know what to tell you.

In all the incidents mentioned above, Katara mentioning her mother's death is a very natural occurrence is the respective conversations. She mostly talks about Kya's death to either extend her sympathy or to use it as an example of the ruthlessness of the Fire Nation.

Another fact to be noted is that 70% of the Gaang's storyline is followed via Katara from a narrative point of view. Plus, being the mom-friend, she acts as the spokesperson. Considering that Kya's death is a major event that played a huge role in shaping Katara's life and is also the source of her severe, unresolved trauma, which acts as the driving force of her story, it is only natural that she brings up this topic whenever she is engaging in a deeper conversation.

It is us as the viewers who have seen her from the start and already know about her mother's death and we see her talking to multiple people about it. Which is why it might come across as repetitive to some people.

While, Kya's death is not necessary information that everyone needs to know, Katara talking about it never comes across as a forced or unnatural.

2. Katara invalidates others' pain because she thinks she has suffered the most:

First of all, if anything, Katara is the most empathetic person of them all. As the mom-friend of the group, not only is she their constant moral support, she also helps them untangle and sort out their own feelings. She is also able to tap into issues that aren't said out loud.

Instances of Katara helping and supporting Aang, emotionally are uncountable.

She is the first one to notice Sokka's sour mood in B3 Ep4 "Sokka's Master". And even though his insecurities seem baseless, she validates him (by saying "I'm sorry you're feeling so down" instead of something like "That's a dumb thing to say") and knows exactly what to do to cheer him up.

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway" she has the insight to understand that Toph's unruly behaviour is caused by the mixed feelings she has about her parents even though Toph's herself never talked about it.

She even reaches out to Zuko in B2 Ep19 "Crossroads of Destiny" even though she used to think of him as the face of the enemy.

But then there's The Southern Raiders.

Ah yes, that episode where Katara is extremely OOC and a total b*tch.

Agreed that she said some things that she definitely shouldn't have said. But like, she's just 14?? And has been hurting on the inside since she was 8?? And pretended to be fine just for the sake of other people?? Like, there's a limit to how much she can have her shit under control?? And she did a real good job of Sokka's upbringing and taking care of the village and taking care of Gaang on her own?? Some people out there are really willing to forget everything she has ever done just because she was mean for 5 minutes?? A traumatised 14 yo shouldn't be villianised and called toxic because she got mad and lashed out at people that one time??

But here's my take on the scene anyway:

When Aang gets to know that she's going to go face her mother's killer:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: I knew you wouldn't understand.

Aang is a non-confrontational person who prefers running away from difficult situations as opposed to Katara who firmly stands her ground and is never afraid of confrontations. Katara had approached Aang only hoping that he would understand. But going by his dismissal, he obviously doesn't understand the burning need that she has to confront the man who had single-handedly destroyed her childhood. (Most people infer that what Katara means is that she thinks that Aang doesn't understand the pain of losing people. And so does Aang, I guess)

But things start getting even more tricky when:

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

In all honesty, this is probably the most insensitive thing that she could've heard from anyone right then, let alone one of her closest friends. Hearing herself being compared to a homicidal maniac just because she wants to avenge her mother's killer. (No, I'm not justifying murder but there's a clear difference between homicide and avenging someone's death. And Aang may not be my favourite character but I do love him but this wasn't really a good thing to say either. And he wasn't even mentally distressed in the very least to be completely lacking tact or a filter.)

And then the situation escalates:

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

After 6 long years of Katara bottling in her dark feelings and letting them fester inside herself, she is finally letting them out and the first things she faces in a span of few minutes are outright rejection, invalidation of her feelings, comparison to a homicidal maniac and nothing akin to the unconditional support that she has provided to everybody. Her own brother tells her that he is siding with the boy who just compared her to a homicidal maniac.

Yes, accusing your own brother of not loving your mother enough is a very cruel thing to do. But both Sokka and Katara know that she doesn't entirely mean it.

But also, there is one very important factor in here:

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway", Sokka says to Toph:

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture.

Katara overhears this conversation just as Sokka had meant her to.

This dialogue lets us know that Sokka's coping mechanism has made him suppress all memories of Kya and replace them with memories of Katara in order to attain a semblance of normalcy.

Both Katara and Sokka had very different ways of coping with Kya's death. Katara pressed down her feelings and tried her best to pretend to ignore them while Sokka partially succeeded in forgetting her.

When Katara first hears these words she is shown to be crying. But if she were to remember these very words while she was justifying herself infront of her own brother and a close friend for wanting to avenge her mother, it would've had a negative impact on her.

In her rage, she would've thought: "Of course he doesn't want to avenge mom. Because he doesn't think it's worth it and that's because he doesn't even remember enough of her to be mad about her death."

And for someone who has spent each day of the last 6 years trying to fill in the shoes of her mother and experiencing her absence everyday, the idea of forgetting her mother is a ridiculous concept to her.

Her thoughts would have quickly derailed to: "He didn't love her enough to remember her."

In light of these thoughts, saying "Then you didn't love her the way I did" doesn't feel out of the blue.

No, I am definitely not justifying what she said, I'm just laying out a possible explanation to why she said what she said.

Yes, she should've apologized to Sokka for this and I think that they definitely should've had a long conversation about their mother's death and how it affected them. Between Katara supressing her feelings and Sokka supressing his memories, i don't think they ever had this conversation.

But sadly we are given neither of these scenes.

Tl;dr: Everytime Katara mentions her mother, it's with good reason and I don't think it's fair to call a character toxic when they lack a mind to mouth filter for 5 minutes and say some mean things. And considering all that Katara has done for everybody, it isn't fair at all.

Peace out!

#antis really be out there ignoring everything she does to hate on her because of two lines she said #nvm katara is one strong badass girl stan her for good grades and clear skin #katara #atla #atla meta #meta analysis #avatar the last airbender #water tribe #kya #sokka #hakoda #gaang #atla gaang #avatar gaang #zuko #aang #toph #ira's posts

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bakugou-jpg · 4 years

Text

Cherry wine || Single dad!Tsukishima

So hello! This is something i’ve been planning on posting for awhile now. Idk if i like it or not and Tsukishima might be a bit OOC since i haven’t been in the Haikyuu fandom for very long but oh well. Tomorrow i’ll try and post the masterlist for it and how many chapters it’ll have!

-Prologue-

“I’m pregnant”

The silence that fell over the room became deafening, not a single sound except for the distant students outside of the dorm building chatting and laughing together. The fan in the corner of the room buzzed, rotating left and right and rustling some papers on the desk. The wind softly blew through his hair, making the heat more bearable than it was before but at that very moment his thoughts and gone completely blank.

The girl in front of him leaned onto the desk that was placed behind her and knitted her eyebrows together, not in anger but purely because she had been lost in thought. Her arms were crossed and she looked at the boy's feet, biting her bottom lip while doing so.

To say it was a shock, was simply too lightly. I mean, yes, the two of them hadn't exactly done much to prevent it that night so it had been quite the possibility but it had never crossed his mind. She was pregnant, something he did. The clumb of cells that was currently busy forming into a little human was because of him.

"Tsukishima"

Tsukishima's head snapped up and for a moment his eyes widened slightly. They held eye contact for a moment, neither of them breaking it. They were both, confused. Neither of them knowing what to do know and neither of them knowing what to say.

The boy adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. He folded his hands together and fiddled around with them, something he unconciously did when he was nervous. "..Oh"

Its all he could think of at that moment. Tsukishima, a man who always knew how to respond to whatever situation with either a logic answer or a cocky remark now felt silent. He was a rational person, but now it seemed that his brain short circuited.

The girl sighed, her eyes falling down to the ground once again. She moved one of her hands to rub over her face and then started biting her thumb nail. "I found out on Sunday. I..wanted to think about it myself a bit first. Hope you understand" She said, her voice trailing off.

Tsukishima nodded. "Of course."

Another silence.

There was one question he was dying to ask, of course, the most obvious one. He was a strong believer of the belief that it was her body and her choice and that he didn't have ANY saying in what she wanted to do, but he was still curious. At that moment he didn't even know which decision he wanted or preferred. Would it be bad if he asked? Or was it too soon?

"What do you- " "I-"

They both fell silent, not wanting to interrupt one another. Tsukishima excused himself and nodded towards her. "Sorry, go on".

The girl in front of her looked a little anxious and bit her lip before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes to calm her nerves. She breathed out and locked eyes with the boy standing in front of her. "I've thought about it..and decided what choice i wanted to make and i hope you can support me in that."

Tsukishima quickly nodded and waved his hand. "Your body your choice. Whatever decision you make i will respect it so do not rely on my approval" He said, something which made her worried expression relax. It felt as if there had bee a weight lifted off of her shoulders.

She nodded, letting her eyes roam around the room for a second trying to figure out how to put it into words.

"For the longest time i've planned out what i wanted to do with my life, with my future. Go to college, study to become an archeologist and become succesful and travel around..A baby can't fit into that plan, not yet."

Understandable. Tsukishima understood what she meant, for he too had a plan of what he wanted to do in the future. Work in a museum, it was something that he loved the idea of ever since he was a kid. She wanted to become something bigger, so of course a baby would only get in the way.

She cleared her throat and fiddled her hands. "I do, however, want to give it a chance of being able to live. For him or her to find out what joys life can gift to you and how wonderful the world can be..So i'm going to give them up for adop-"

"I'll raise them"

What.

The girl's eyes widened and she looked at Tsukishima in shock.

Tsukishima pushed himself off of the wall and looked at her for a second before taking a step closer to her. "I'll take responsibility and raise them."

What was he saying?

The girl blinked in surprise, her mouth slightly agape from the sudden response one that she had not expected in a million years. Tsukishima's eyebrows were slightly knitted, something which showed he was dear serious over this. "..please"

Why was he saying this?

The girl snapped out of her daze and ran her fingers through her hair, her other hand cupping her still flat stomach. "I-..Wh- Tsukishima..are you serious?" She asked in disbelieve, still taken aback from the reaction. "With all due respect, Tsukishima, but i really hope you understand i am not planning on raising this baby alongside you nor am i planning to hop in at a later age. I just-"

"I don't care for that. You won't have to be involved in any way, i'll make my own money, buy my own two bedroom apartment, raise my own kid. I'll work it out, if you want i'll cover half of all your medical bills" Tsukishima said while leaning back again, looking at her with his usual stoic expression again. Yet, his golden brown eyes held a mixture of confusion and fear. But that was something she would never be able to catch onto.

God what the fuck was he saying

The girl sighed and shook her head a little, trying to wrap her head around what was happening. "I mean..Medical bills won't be a problem, my family's wealthy enough to be able to cover that without a problem..I just..I thought you were passionate about this college course and wanting to succeed? Its not some kind of puppy you raise, can leave at home for the day and to come back at the end of the day and feed it and sometimes throw a stick around, Tsuki-"

"Do i look like an idiot to you?" Tsukishima said with narrowed eyebrows, tapping his finger on his other arm impatiently. Surely, he fooled around with her, but Tsukishima couldn't stand the way she thought she was better and smarter than him.

The girl rolled her eyes and sighed. "You know what i mean" She snapped back. "Its gonna be a big responsibility, its gonna get in the way of you making it big out there."

Once again, a silence fell over the dorm.

Tsukishima's thoughts were screaming at him. Telling him this decision was an impulsive one, how he had to think it through first and asking him over and over again what he was thinking. He knitted his eyebrows together and stared at the ground, slowly nodding.

"I know what i'm doing"

No he did not

The girl nodded and shrugged, her eyes glancing to the clock hanging on his wall. She looked back at Tsukishima and hummed, pushing herself off of the desk. "Well, okay then. I've got class in ten minutes, we'll discuss the details later on. Take care" She said, pushing herself off of the desk. Her hand reached out for Tsukishima's shoulder and gave it a small squeeze, something which made Tsukishima just the slightest bit uncomfortable.

He didn't even say anything, simply too caught up with the sea of a void that suddenly washed over him. It numbed all of his thoughts, all of his surroundings as the thumping of his own heartbeat echoed in his ear.

The click of his dorm room falling back into its lock flew past him, not even having noticed the girl had left. Tsukishima stood there for about 10 minutes until he was pulled back to the surface, something which made him fall back onto his bed. He put his elbows on his knees, his hands raking through his hair as he looked at his ground with slightly panicked eyes.

He let out a long sigh, his hand running over his face as he threw his head back and leaned it against the wall. It was already dark, the only people outside being the ones going to their night classes. It was cold, after all it was October and the weather hadn't been exactly the nicest out.

Tsukishima glanced out of his window, his eyes following the form of the girl who was just left his dorm and was now running outside to arrive at her class in time. His eyes were locked onto her until she had turned a corner, now out of sight.

What did he just agree to?

He let his eyes slowly slide down from his window to his bed, a place where his phone was resting. Without really thinking about it, he reached out for the phone, pressing a few buttons before bringing it up to his ear.

"..Tadashi? I..i fucked up"

Nine months felt a lot longer than it usually did. While a school year usually felt like it flew by rather quickly to Tsukishima, these past few months felt like as if there was a chain with a heavy ball chained to his ankles. Every minute, every second felt like it took forever.

As the trees lost their leaves, the snow covered the ground. As the snow melted away, the flowers started blooming again. As the flowers grew higher, the temperature did too. With every transmission, Tsukishima's feet grew heavier and heavier. It all lead up to that one moment. One moment that would change his life forever, a moment he'd remember till' the day he'd die.

As the seconds ticked by, they turned into minutes. As the small hand of the clock moved forward made a full circle, the hours started moving by. Slow, very slowly. Tsukishima lost sense of time, sitting in that chair waiting for someone to give him a sign and to inform him of the slightest bit of news. Anything.

His thoughts even stopped at some point. Surely he was panicking internally and the fact that his phone kept buzzing in his pocket, his family and Yamaguchi repeatedly asking him how it was going, didn't make it any better. Hell, the fact Yamaguchi managed to leak the information to his old teammates didn't soothen the buzz in his pockets at all. But he just stared at a wall.

The ticking of the clock, the water that dripped from the tap, the foot steps from the nurses, the distant screams of agony and the phone that rang every 15 minutes in the nurses office started to feel like a pattern. A never ending pattern that had repeated itself almost a million times already.

"Mr. Tsukishima?"

Fuck

Tsukishima's head snapped up and his eyes met the one of an older woman who was wearing a long blue cover up and a mask hanging next to the side of her head. She wore a smile on her face, a tired one, but a happy one. She had discarded the gloves she wore and Tsukishima noticed some light blood smears on the gown she was wearing.

"He's here"

In the past 9 months that had passed, Tsukishima had never thought that his feet could feel more heavier. But in that moment it felt as if Medusa herself had locked eyes with him and stared into his golden brown eyes, drinking in his beauty before stiffening his body and turning it into stone.

He didn't notice how his lanky long body had gotten up from the chair he had been sitting at for the past few hours and how he was now silently walking behind the doctor, following in her footsteps as she lead him to a room.

"The mother told me to inform you she didn't want to see your son and that she'd appreciate it if you stayed away for a little while" The nurse said while holding the door for him open.

His son

Tsukishima looked around the room, noticing how extremely empty and silent it was. The beds that were there were empty, waiting for a new patient to arrive. The blind were closed, but it let the slightest bit of light through cascading down onto to the little bin standing in the middle of it, surrounded by two other nurses that were busy with what was inside of it.

The two nurses looked up at him and smiled, one of them walking towards the exit of the room while the other reached out for the bundle of blankets inside of the little bed. She picked it up, stepping towards Tsukishima with a very kind small. One he didn't notice, for his eyes were only focused on the very small baby she held in her hands. "Meet your son" She said while holding the baby out for him, adjusting his hands just slightly so he'd make the baby feel comfortable.

He held out his hands, taking the bundle of blankets into his arms and immediately holding him close to his body. Tsukishima made sure to support his head, remembering all the things he read in a book his mother gifted him after having announced the news. He wouldn't dare to cause the baby any discomfort, it felt as if he was made out of the thinnest porcelain in the world.

"We'll give you a moment, we'll be next door if u need us" Tsukishima heard the older nurse say before the door shut behind her, leaving both him and his son alone in the room.

The baby slightly moved around in his blanket, one of his tiny arms poking through and stretching out towards Tsukishima's face before returning back into the comfort of his warm cocoon. A small yawn left the baby's mouth, a sight that made Tsukishima's eyes soften.

"Someone's pretty tired, huh? Nine months of sleep ain't enough for you, buddy?" He whispered, peering into the little eyes that were slowly opening up revealing a very familar pair of golden brown ones although his appeared to be just a bit more darker. It also didn't Tsukishima long before he noticed the dark blonde hairs poking out of his hat, ones that almost matched his own but just being a shade darker than his own.

He grinned and stroked the baby's cheek, taking in every detail of his face. "Aren't you just a sight for sore eyes, like i'm looking into a mirror." Tsukishima said with a short snicker.

In that very moment, Tsukishima felt his feet get lighter. The heavy chain on his feet he carried around for months that got heavier and heavier broke, just by the single stare the boy had on him. He didn't care anymore, about what he was gonna do in the future. He didn't care about if he'd still be able to finish college or if he was gonna be able to pull through.

Every thing he did, was gonna be for him. Every decision he made, was gonna be with him in the back of his mind. Every thing decent nice thing he did, he did hoping he could be somewhat proud of his old man.

And so, from 7 years from that moment, on Tsukishima was going to have a succesful career. One he had achieved after graduating from college, something he couldn't of have done without the motivation he had after his son was born and he was going to make sure his son was always first with whatever he did.

"Welcome to the world, Kaoru"

#haikyuu!!#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #tsukishima x y/n #haikyuu x y/n #tsukishima x you

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orange-waterfalls · 4 years

Text

The Deal Part 2

Illinois x gender neutral!reader

@lawfluff-evil ty for the prompt(again)

A/N: asfsggsgdg I'm so happy people liked the first part! I was so worried! Rated T for cursing. My fics keep getting longer lol. A bit OOC at the end but.

Word Count: 2.3k

Part 1

Mark drives you and Illinois to a nearby town, where you hear about treasures in a cave at the bottom of a mountain. You're kind of confused about why there are so many caves with treasure in them, but Illinois seems fine, so you don't worry about it. While in the town, a little girl hands you a golden necklace.

"Una ofrenda*!" She says excitedly. You ruffle her hair and thank her. She smiles and runs off to her mother. Illinois watches you the whole time, but when you turn to look at him, he looks away. Illinois gathers his adventure things, you gather your will to live, and you prepare to head off. Mark stops you.

"Listen… I don't want you to die… but if you do…" he starts. You set a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Mark, you're still in my will," you tease. He chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah…" he hugs you tightly. "Be careful." You pull away and snap your fingers, pointing fingers guns at him.

"Not likely," he laughs and you wave at each other. You run up to Illinois. You both enter the cave.

As you walk, you notice Illinois glances at you throughout. You don't point it out, though. He takes a couple longer strides and walks in front of you. He turns to you and walks backwards.

"So… that Mark fella…" he starts. "He's, uh… bold…" You laugh.

"My best friend, as you know. Has no impulse control. I was a bit worried you'd be a violent type." You explain.

"Nah, I ain't violent. Unless... someone'd want me to be." He winks, and you hear a whip-crack. You begin to wonder if that's just a thing that happens or you're losing your mind. You roll your eyes.

"No thanks, I'm good." You sigh. He smirks and turns around.

"Y'know, I'm surprised. Usually my partners only stay for one adventure but… you came looking for me." He chuckles. "That's some determination you got there."

"Eh, I felt like you'd want the diamond. No big deal." You shrug. He raises an eyebrow.

"And why exactly didn't you just keep it?" He asks.

"It… felt like the right thing to do," you explain hesitantly. "I happen to be an advocate for justice and fairness." He laughs.

"Oh, alright then." He says teasingly. You flush.

You arrive at a point and he puts a hand in front of you, blocking you from walking. You look at him, confused. He jerks his head towards the ground. You look down and see sand.

"Quicksand..." You sigh. "Why is it always quicksand?"

"Don't get scared, now," he smiles. He takes out a whip and it wraps around a vine near the top of the cave he swings over the sand. He takes his whip down. "Now I think I might be able to-" you drop next to him. He stares at you before blinking. He opens his mouth but no words come out at first. Eventually, they do. "How did…?"

"Grapple," you hold up your grappling hook. "I did rob a museum yesterday." He nods and wraps his whip on his belt.

"Impressive, I'll give you that." He looks back at the vine and smirks. "How're we gonna get back, though?" You furrow your eyebrows.

"What do you-" you cut yourself off as you see the vine, broken. You look down at the grappling hook and groan. Illinois chuckles and pats your shoulder.

"Rookie mistake, it's alright," he says.

"But how are we gonna get back?" You repeat his question. He shrugs.

"I don't know. But it'll be alright. It always is," he winks again with that whip sound and you wonder if you should ask him about it. You decide not to, in case you sound like a crazy person.

You continue to walk, making small conversation along the way. He continues to flirt with you, making you blush. You're starting to get sick of it. You contemplate flirting back, but you only have cheesy pick up lines, and your sure he doesn't want to hear those. You end up at a floor of pressure plates with a door on the other side. Each of the plates has a symbol on them, and there's a plaque on the ground that most likely tells you what the pattern is supposed to be. That would be useful, if either of you could read the scratched up and weathered words.

"This is ridiculous," you growl. "What are we supposed to do?" Illinois looks across the floor for a second before taking a step.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" You yell. He doesn't answer and continues taking random steps across the floor, activating many booby traps-none of which even scratch him-before landing in front of the door. He turns back towards you.

"Well? What're you waiting for?" You gape at him before inhaling deeply and taking a step. A large axe swings in front of your face, barely missing your nose. You step back.

"No. No! It's not worth it. I won't." You turn around and start to walk back to the entrance. Illinois sighs.

"Yeah, I understand. You're just too scared." You stop dead in your tracks. Of course you were scared. Was he implying that facing certain death on a daily basis didn't scare him? Oh, no, no, no, no. You were not giving up that easy, if that was the case. You spin back around. He's looking at you with a smug grin. You narrow your eyes and step back on a plate, the same as before. The axe swings again. This time you continue to step, one foot in front of the other, in a straight line to the door. Your eyes are closed and your walk is casual. You can hear multiple traps being activated as you step. Eventually, you're stopped by something solid.

The door you conclude in your head. But when you open your eyes and look, you see Illinois, right there in front of you.

"Hey there…" He raised and eyebrow. You jump back and clear your throat, blushing.

"S-Sorry about that…" you stutter. He turns towards the door, and you stand next to him.

"Now, how do you suggest we go about opening this?" He asks. You look at the top of the door. There are words, but again, you can't read them because of how worn and scratched they are. You sigh, frustrated. Illinois sets a hand on your shoulder.

"I'm sure the answer will come if we calm down for a moment." He consoles. You huff and plop to the ground. You turn your back to the door and lean on it. Illinois sits next to you. You sit in silence for a couple minutes before you start talking. Nothing too important, just basic small talk. You two continue like that until you start going deeper in your conversation. You start to talk about friends and family, which leads to those you've loved and lost. You talk about friends who've left and family who've died. He talks about previous partners.

"Most of them left. Some of them I still talk to occasionally. I lost a few of them during adventures, though." He knits his eyebrows and looks down. "I always think about them when I meet someone new." You set your hand on his. He looks up at you, surprised. You smile warmly, and he does the same. You stay like that for a moment before he retracts his hand and stands up.

"Well! This has been fun but we should head back." He starts to walk back across the floor, narrowly avoiding traps. You clumsily stand up.

"Wait, what about the door?!" You yell. He lands on the other side and looks back at you.

"We can't open it, there's no problem. We can head back." He shrugs. You squint at him.

"That's… not very 'adventurey' of you…" you say accusingly. He sets his hands on his belt.

"Look, we've been here for a while, we can't think of anything let's just go." Your eyes widen.

"You're scared." You conclude. He scoffs.

"What-"

"You're scared that something's gonna happen to me, so you wanna leave!" You yell. "I'm not stupid! I can take care of myself!" He clenches his fists.

"Fine! Do whatever! I'm fine by myself!" He says angrily. He walks off and you turn back towards the door. You look around for any sign of anything you're supposed to do. You see a small dent in the wall next to the door. You walk over to it and trace the dent.

"Wait…" you squint. You fumble around in your pocket for a moment before taking out the necklace from the little girl. You put it in the dent and the door starts to glow and slide open. Illinois, who was walking much slower than usual, hears the door opening and spins around, running back to where you are. He swings around the corner. You hear him and look back.

"Oh," he says, "maybe you are smart." You smile at each other. He steps across the floor, but the traps don't activate anymore. You grab the necklace and you both walk through the door. You end up in a giant room with a bag in the center.

"Oh, this seems familiar…" you mumble. He chuckles.

"I've got this one," he takes a bag that looks exactly like the one in the room out of his pocket.

"How did you…" you start. He looks back and you, confused. You hold your hands up. "Nevermind." He turns back and kneels in front of the bag. He slowly takes the bags and swaps them. You both stay still for a moment before sighing.

"Well, that went better than expected," Illinois laughs. You smile and look over at the bag, noticing it sink into the floor.

"Um… Illinois?" You say hesitantly. He tilts his head at you before looking back at the bag.

"Oh no," you both look up and see a giant boulder rolling towards you both. Illinois grabs your hand and pulls you out the door. You both run through the cave, the boulder tailing behind.

"What is it with you and boulders?!" You yell.

"An adventurer thing, I guess." Illinois shrugs. You roll your eyes. You both end up at the quicksand again. You start to hyperventilate.

"Illinois, what do we do?!" You ask, panicked.

"Pray," He takes a deep breath and just runs faster. You squeeze your eyes shut and feel something sticky at your feet before continuing to run. You open your eyes and see that you both have lost your footwear.

"Huh." You laugh, "That went better than I had expected," Illinois smirks. You both run until you end up at the entrance of the cave, jumping behind a nearby rock as the boulder stops at the entrance. You both sit there panting for a moment.

"Well… that was… fun," Illinois says. You laugh in disbelief.

"Illinois, you seem like a cool guy, but I don't think my heart can take this," you groan. He grins.

"Yeah… I thought so." He sighs. His grin falls slightly. You tap your leg.

"But…" you start. He looks at you, raising his eyebrows. "You could always come visit if you're ever in town for an adventure," you suggest. He smiles.

"Yeah. I'd like that." You smile widely and write your address on his hand with a marker before grabbing his wrist and dragging him away. "C'mon, Mark will wanna see what's in the bag!" You two walk to the car, where Mark is cleaning it. He looks at you two and smiles. You let go of Illinois' hand as you hug Mark.

"Oh, thank God," He sighs, "I thought I was gonna have to tell your parents you died because of an off-brand Indiana Jones," "Excuse me?" Illinois narrows his eyes. Mark opens his mouth to say something, but you interrupt him.

"HEY I found treasure, let's see what it is!" You take the bag from Illinois and open it. All three of you look inside to see black rocks.

"Really? Again?" Illinois growls. He starts to walk away but you grab his shoulder.

"Remember what happened last time, Illinois," you say. He raises an eyebrow. You dump the contents of the bag onto the ground to find colorful jewels under the rocks. Illinois smiles.

"Well, would you look at that!" Mark laughs.

"So, since you figured out how to open the door, you get half the treasure plus the diamond." He sighs. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but, a deal's a deal." He splits the number of jewels in half, and puts his half back into the bag and into his pocket. "Was nice to meet you both." He salutes and starts to leave. You grab his wrist and he looks back at you.

"You'll… you'll actually visit, right?" You ask hopefully.

"Of course. I don't meet someone like you every day, y'know." he winks. You flush and smile.

"Alright. Well, Mr. Adventure, I really like you," you say confidently. He blinks. You take that as a cue to continue. "So…" you walk towards him, still holding his wrist. "Are you gonna do something about that, or will I have to?" His cheeks are dusted pink as he sputters. You smile and kiss him gently on the cheek. He freezes as his face turns a darker shade of pink. He clears his throat.

"W-Well uh… I better, uh… get… going…" He walks backwards and almost trips over a rock, but stands back up and walks away. You and Mark laugh as you gather your jewels and get into the car. You both sigh.

"Ready to go home?" He asks.

"Absolutely," You laugh. He starts to drive and you look out the window, excited for the next time Illinois visits.

"So…" Mark starts, "Did you... hear the whip-crack sound effect when he winked?"

"THANK GOD you hear it too."

---

*An offering!

I got self conscious from rereading so I just queued it in 1st period lol

#ahwm #a heist with markiplier #ahwm illinois #a heist with markiplier illinois #illinois markiplier #illinois #heistiplier #markiplier heist #illinois iplier #illinois x reader #illinois x male!reader #illinois x female!reader #illinois x gender neutral!reader #male reader #female reader #gender neutral reader

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