Blitz's Realization
"You love me, I get that
there's just one minor setback...
I think it's time to face it,
I'm the reason I have no one..."
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It's been two months since I've spoken to anyone
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I miss you
living without you sucks.
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I have no one
i’m all alone
i don’t even know who i am anymore
and i’m not sure how much longer i can go on
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Making friends/hanging out w people after not having friends in sooo long seems extremely daunting and makes me so anxious to even think about..ESPECIALLY now tht I’m sober like it terrifies me. I genuinely don’t know how to act around people sober at all. I think back to how it was before when i had friends and did shit and it was literally always us fucked up on smthn or at least me being high. And i don’t have any of those friends anymore. And on top of that knowing it will be basically impossible to ever find friends again who understand being an addict or have much in common w me n aren’t judgmental. The ones i met in rehabs are too far away. Idk i feel fucking sad and sick and i don’t think any1 will ever understand me or get me or care to keep me around
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Everyone I speak to sound like they hate me when they speak to me….
Just the tone of their voices when we speak to each other. It feels forced. Like, they don’t want to speak to me. And when they do speak to me, they are bored or annoyed or fed up with me.
I’m not saying that it’s true. I’m not saying I know that they 100% hate me, but every time I speak to them, I get a feeling they don’t want to speak to me and that I’m ruining their day and I should just leave them alone.
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me telling my best friend everything i would’ve loved to hear my whole life.
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I think what hurts the most is all of these negative thoughts I have believed and thought for so long but tried to fight are actually true. I'm useless, I'm worthless. I'm fat and ugly. It's always been true, not just things I believe but facts.
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so yall just like.... have friends? who love and support you? and show it through their actions and words? and you get to love and support them in turn? mmmmm sounds fake but okay
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My boyfriend has stopped saying good night ig my social life is literally 0 right now
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my mother loves to complain that 'everyone her age' has died. she's almost 70, and obviously it's not literally everyone, but yeah every other person her age in our family/her friends has died.
I understand that must be very hard.
what she has not once mentioned, ever, is that for me and my brothers, every person older than us in our family is gone except her. and she is not supportive, not warm, not kind. we have no one left. but yes, sure, she is the one who is most hurt by this.
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