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0alanasworld0 · 1 year

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Celebrity Crush (Pablo Gavi x reader) *request

Request: Hii can u do gavi having a crush on actress reader and he reveals it after being asked abot his celeb crush in an interview :) ♡

A/N - I know that this request has been completed before but I've always wanted to write one of these and I think that my take is sufficiently different from the other writer's -> I feel justified in posting it. I hope that makes sense lol

Warnings: none

“The love of your life is gonna be there, eh!” Pedri pokes at his best friend’s shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Pablo scoffs, one tiktok post on his screen is all it took for his little crush to become the team’s hot gossip. And it’s been a month!

“Are we really still on this?” gavi groans, throwing a hand over his face in an attempt to cover the blush of embarrassment as his teammates cackle around him. The joys of being the youngest (!)

“Hey, it's completely natural to have feelings lik-”

“No no no no no I can’t deal with this today!” He grabs his bag and stomps out of the locker room, shaking his head with a huff. He would never dare admit this to his friends but my god if you weren’t the most stunning woman he had ever come across. Everything about you just oozed grace and elegance. Your voice was smooth and honeyed, striking eyes and a dazzling smile. You had an aura that just drew people towards you yet a shyness: there’s a little glimpse into how nervous the attention made you but you were still an infectiously positive influence on those around you. It certainly wouldn’t be surprising knowledge to anyone that Pablo had a little crush on you, many did. BUT the idea of you ever getting an idea of those feelings from the internet just made him cringe. He didn’t want to join a roster with those creeps. He didn’t even know you!

It was all an especially sensitive topic to him since you had mentioned being a football fanatic in a recent interview and you did express admiration for a certain La Liga goalkeeper that had him slightly disgruntled. However, when you also mentioned a certain Catalonian team as a favourite, he was shocked to say the least. You spoke very highly of them and it was becoming more and more apparent that you likely knew of him. Were you a fan? Did you just think of him as some stupid kid like everyone else? Have you ever been to one of his games and if so how did he not see you??

“So, you’re pretty new and upcoming so there's an air of mystery around you. I mean, we really don’t have anything on you! For a break-out star, it's a bit weird, don’t you think?” the host says, elbow propped up on the table with her head resting on their hand.

“Yeah, I get that but suppose I’ve been a bit of a recluse my whole life uh… I don’t know! I’m not always on social media and I haven’t really done many interviews so I guess there never really is much of an opportunity? Even with the press stuff I have done, it’s all been very much focused on the show itself so y’know…” you trail off with a bit of uncertainty, wringing your hands under the table.

“Well, I’m gonna try and change that! We’re gonna treat this kinda like a first date, just a basic get-to-know-you type scenario, you cool with that?” she asks tentatively

“Yeah that sounds pretty good!”

“Okay let's start easy uh… favourite colour?”

“I feel like the range between blue and green is pretty solid, what do you like doing outside of work?”

“I’m kind of a soccer fanatic, actually! I used to be a die-hard football fan but something about soccer just makes it feel so much more energetic y’know?” You nod in agreement, smiling at the shared interest, perking up a bit.

“I have to agree with you on that one. I used to play all the time when I was a little kid and I burned out on it as a teenager but seeing it regain that energy over recent years is something so special!”

“Exactly! I really think we’re meshing here!” you both laugh as you jokingly hold hands over the table.

“Okay okay back to the subject matter, what's your favourite league?”

“The EPL.” you say, mouth twitching as the laugh threatens to break out. The interviewer narrows her eyes and takes her hands back, cocking her head to the side. The silence only makes it harder until both of you burst out into laughter, tearing up a little bit.

“Okay no be real…” the interviewer struggles to get the words out through the giggles. You finally manage to settle down and get the words out.

“Honestly I think that La Liga has really been seeing a revival. I still love the Bundesliga and Serie A but it's been super interesting to see the quality of La Liga go up so dramatically.” The interview nods and hums in interest. She raises her eyebrow with her next question.

“Any favourite players?”

“I can’t say any names for fear of it actually reaching them but the goalkeeping last season was stellar and I think that the Zamora trophy was very well earned.” ducking your head down as a small blush appears on your face. The interviewer smirks but continues.

“Okay fine but you have to have a favourite team?”

“Within La Liga, Barcelona has been super inspiring! It was a pretty tough time losing such consistent and reliable talent especially under those circumstances where they didn’t want to leave but I would have never expected a revival like this!”

“Tell me about it, and to come from such young players too?!”

“Exactly, it’s wonderful to see them be so resourceful given their… situation and it’s clearly working so I’d say that those promotions were very wise decisions on their part!”

…..

The teasing had always been there since the team found out about it but it took an upturn after that interview. Fans were picking up on the idea given the fact that the pair of you were the same age. The edits rolled in much more quickly than what he expected: the sensual music, the mashups of his and your best moments, the illusion of the pair of you looking at each other. He doesn’t understand how they did it and he’s angry at the fact that he isn’t more offended by people imagining you as a couple. He wasn’t overjoyed by the ones of you and Pedri or a certain Moroccan goalkeeper that you referred to in the interview but nevermind. He couldn’t help but be a little curious about whether you two would be compatible. I mean it wasn’t too outlandish of an idea was it? You’re both young, struggling with fame, passionate, who knows maybe-

“Pablo, I’m begging you: get your head out of the clouds and pull it together!” his agent yells, throwing an empty water bottle in his direction.

“When are you free for a fitting?”

“... Huh?” he breathes out deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes in annoyance. The poor man just needs this one date sorted for the gala, he just wants to go home and yet here they are. All he needs is about a minute of focus.

“Okay if I have to say this one more time, I’m throwing the whole water drum at you.” the boy gulped, eyes widening at the threat, nodding vigorously as he straightened his back. Julian was a lovely guy with the patience of a saint and Pablo was grateful to have him as a publicist but he had his limits.

“Y’know that premiere Robert was going to?”

“Vaguely” Julian raises his eyebrows at that. This show has been on everyone’s lips for a good few months and to add to that, a particular name was frequently attached that would have been very familiar. Nonetheless, he chooses not to press. He just wants to get this all over and done with.

“Right well, some idiot insisted that he needed to do some promotional stuff instead so you’re going… well if you can actually cooperate and help me sort out a fitting date, that is.” he says, eyes narrowed at Gavi. Sighing out when he realises that the message has finally been received.

“Wait wait wait, why can’t pedri go?!” Julian decides that he will, in fact, push.

“Okay, I just told you that you’re going to be able to attend a premiere for the film that the love of your life is leading and you’re asking me why someone else can’t go?” Gavi looks down and plays with his fingers. Julian shakes his head, let's get this over with.

“No, magically no one else is available. Let’s get this fitting done at 10:00pm tomorrow, yeah?” any chances of being flexible are long gone, his patience running very thin. Julian hurries out of the room, holding his hand out to prevent Pablo from saying anything that would prolong the conversation.

“You do realise that this girl literally has no reason to dislike you, right?” Pedri says, looking up from his phone to see Gavi messing around with his tie and rolling his eyes.

“Apart from the fact that I’m largely advertised as a player with a giant ego and no anger management skills?” Gavi huffs. Sure, your comments on the team were largely positive but you had to have seen some of the famous outbursts.

“Hermano, I can assure you that the way that you play completely overshadows the angry chihuahua behaviour. If she can’t see that, then she’s not worth your time.” he shrugs. Oh if only it were as simple as that. Pedri may have been right but the fact of the matter was that he wanted you to like him. You were ethereal and the idea of you not liking him made his chest tighten.

“See! This is what I mean! I doubt she’d have any interest in an ‘angry chihuahua’” Gavi turns around to face his best friend, aggressively air quoting.

“C’mon man, I was only joking.” Pedri gets up to give him a reassuring hug. He can sense that his friend is still extremely nervous so he releases the hug before continuing.

“Look, she seems nice enough and she likes the team. The most you have to worry about is the great wall of Morocco sweeping her off her feet before you.” patting his cheek with a smile. Gavi looks away and huffs again but is unable to hold back the smile. Okay, that was funny. He’d never admit that, though. Thank goodness, he’s married.

“Oy, apparently that Gavi kid is gonna be there!” your ears perk up at your friend’s comment. ‘That Gavi kid’ was a phenomenal footballer and very quickly caught your attention the first time you saw him play live. The guys you’re constantly having to deal with are all the same type with very little motivation or ability to do the simplest of things. The fact that there was someone around your age having the talent, motivation and passion to play for (and help resurrect) one of the most iconic teams in the world as well as his national team was so incredibly attractive to you. His doe-eyes and fluffy, chocolate brown hair definitely helped him out in the looks area as well.

“He seems like a sweet guy, I happen to think we’d get along quite well actually!” your cheeks heat up as a shy smile makes its way onto your face.

“Oh there's no doubt about that! Being swept off your feet by Barca’s golden boy is very on-brand for you! And have you SEEN those edits, wow!” She fans herself jokingly as you throw a pillow at her head.

“Okay that's enough of that. Now I beg you just choose between one of these!” you’re holding up the two dresses you spent ages narrowing down to.

“Girl, you’re going to be the star of the show, those edits will be up and out regardless of whether your dress is cerulean blue or midnight blue.” you roll your eyes as you eye the 2 dresses once more.

“What has gotten into you? You usually have this stuff picked out weeks in advance!”

“I don’t know, just having some doubts is all.”

“Look, I promise that your lover boy is going to be blown away with either of these.”

The taxi ride feels like forever. He’s redone his tie more times than he could count. He’s been keeping a close eye on every rumoured attendee’s social media to try and up his morale but finally, they make it to the venue. It’s all glammed up with lights lining up the red carpet. It leads to the doors which are strictly guarded by 2 burly men in all black. The odd nightclub visit may have felt normal to the poor boy but not this. It's a little too much and just as he thought he had calmed down, the nerves make their unwelcome return and his hands are sweating again.

The second he opens the taxi door, the cameras start flashing and people start yelling his name. Gavi takes the time to thank his driver, passing over a generous tip before slowly exiting. Why do they have to be like this? Why do I have to be like this? He asks himself. The suit that he had made to his form by the finest tailors just days prior suddenly felt too tight. It was some of the most expensive material yet it now felt scratchy and coarse against his skin. It was all suffocating: the noise, the lights, the smell; everything. He rushes down the carpet with his head down, ignoring the requests to smile for the camera. The words were barely intelligible anyway.

The temporarily converted mall is still extremely busy and loud but the lack of paparazzi and yelling was a change he felt very grateful for. The noise is more energetic chatter and less ear-shattering screeches as the walk-in was. He sighs in relief when he sees a familiar face.

“Ah, Gavira! You made i- what’s wrong?” his teasing smile turns into a look of concern.

“What?! Nothing! Why would you ask that?” he’s rambling, still rattled from the entrance.

“Oh hermano you look like you’re about to cry!” Julian gives him a hug which Pablo gladly accepts. It’s just a lot. He has nothing to ground him or divert his attention like the pitch does. There is probably a reason why Robert is usually the one to go to events like this.

“Look, I know that the entrance was a bit much but I promise you, that was the hard part. Now it's just gonna be a couple interviews, some less chaotic photos, try to talk to some of the actors here… you’ll have fun, okay?” Gavi nods with a semi-enthusiastic smile on his face, it probably looked more like a grimace but nevertheless.

It’s been a big improvement from the first impression and Gavi is enjoying himself. He didn’t have very many photos taken at all and it’s been a relief to see footballers other than himself dotted around. Talking to them, among some of the actors, has given him some reprieve. It isn’t so bad after all.

The first interview isn’t too much of a hassle for him either. He’s used to much less friendly people than this.

“So, it must be pretty crazy to receive such high praise from such a highly coveted actress, huh?”

“I mean, yeah! She didn’t refer to me directly but it’s awesome anyway. I’m glad our team is still inspiring so many people and that SOMEONE understands the approach Xavi is taking!” he manages to get a little chuckle out of the man which releases some tension. He continues.

“No seriously, she’s an insanely beautiful and talented person so it really is an honour to hear it from someone of her calibre.” gavi says with a wistful smile on his face, cheeks heating up at the mere thought of you being aware of his existence. The interviewer smirks but keeps things rolling, that footage was going to be golden.

“On a more personal note, thank you for what you’re doing for Barca and the national team. Absolutely phenomenal coming from someone so young and I can’t begin to describe how excited I am to see how things work out for you in the future.” Well that's very different from what he’s used to hearing from older fans. It warms his heart.

“Thanks man, that seriously means so much to hear!” They give each other a bear hug before he walks off, relaxed and confident. But the second he turns around, it all dissipates. There you are, in all your glory. You’re not even doing anything intentionally model-esque, simply looking down and readjusting your dress as you wait for the journalists and camera crew in front of you to have everything set up. It's a moment he feels guilty for intruding on but you smooth down your dress, smiling as you twirl around in it. He’s mesmerised within seconds of seeing you in person, the photos don’t do you justice. At all.

He can’t hear what you’re saying and doesn’t dare get any closer but the second you start speaking you have everyone’s attention. He can tell whenever someone is complimenting you as your hands move to cover your cheeks as they heat up. He wonders how you feel about the small crowd gathering around you. Did you ever get as nervous as he did? Was this stressful for you too? He’s brought out of his thoughts as the crowd laughs quietly at a comment you made. Oh and she’s funny too? Of course she is!

Much to his disappointment, Julian is dragging him off to another interview before he could even muster up the courage to go and talk to you, with the crowd beginning to disperse. He stills looks back at you, heart pounding as you make eye contact. He sees you offering a little wave before he loses you among the people. Your smile was breath-taking but smiling directly at him was a whole different story. The rest of the interviews couldn’t last any longer, or at least he felt that way. He just wanted to see you again now, nothing else was on his mind.

That idea was a lot harder in practice, he learned. You’re right there, swirling your sprite can at the drinks bar, looking up and around every now and then. He’s been dawdling for about ten minutes now, “figuring out what to say.” He looks up every once in a while, you’re playing with your dress again and you still look just as mesmerising. Julian has had enough of the situation, pushing Pablo towards you and walking off before the boy could try to hide behind him.

“Oh my gosh, hi! It’s Pablo, right?” good lord you’re somehow even more gorgeous up close and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Have you seen that interview? They posted that one clip very quickly and he’s extremely anxious at the idea of you being spammed with the clip. It’s a shame he hadn’t been paying attention to the posts other than his interview clip. Or listened when he saw you being interviewed.

“That's me!” he says, laughing nervously.

“I’ve honestly been wanting to meet you for so long!” you say with a bright smile on your face, bouncing up and down on your toes with excitement. You can’t resist giving him a hug and he thinks his heart is going to burst out of his chest any time soon. You smell absolutely divine and he’s trying to commit the whole moment to memory. You take his hand and pull him to an area behind all of the giant posters where things are a little quieter.

“I could say the same about you, I mean you’re just…wow!” He’s properly kicking himself. One chance to look cool in front of you and he’s fucked it up.

You’re so caught up in the excitement of talking with Pablo Gavi that you forget the fact that you elicit the very same feelings in him.

“No, seriously you’re incredible! I usually find defensive tactics more interesting but you are absolutely explosive in midfield! I haven’t seen anyone play quite like that for ages!” you gush. Pablo couldn’t be more grateful that everyone forced him to come here. You liked him! You liked him!

“It's honestly just what I love doing, I suppose the passion builds into the output…” he trails off as you nod enthusiastically, giving him a reassuring smile and eagerly waiting for him to continue. You don’t like eye contact very much but his hazel eyes are truly gorgeous and you can’t bring yourself to look away.

“Hey, enough about me, this is a big day for you! You’re finally getting the recognition you deserve!” he says, gaining a bit of his confidence back and nudging you lightly. You can feel your cheeks heat up.

“Eh, the me-fest was fun online but holy shit am I tired of it after this!” you laugh together and simultaneously realise that you’re still holding onto each other's hands. It just feels too right to let go.

“Do you hate the noise as much as I do?” you whisper in his ear. He feels a chill run down his spine from your warm breath and goosebumps form immediately. He nods softly, confused and suspicious of the mischievous look in your eyes.

“What’s on your mind, bonita?” he narrows his eyes, squeezing your hands lightly, waiting for you to elaborate.

“There’s a park literally 2 minutes away from here! if we manage to make an escape, we can get away from all the noise, look up at the stars…” you trail off, waiting for his response. He seems to have a permanent smile etched on his face with you but it widens with your idea. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and you begin to weave in and out of the crowd which has begun to disperse a little already.

The pair of you make it out unscathed, giggling to each other as you look back to make sure you haven’t been caught. He keeps his arm where it is, again it just feels too right. You reach one of the park benches and decide to take your seats. The dim glow of the street lamp above you illuminates your features and he can’t help but stare. Your eyes are focused on the stars, you’re holding out your hand to map out the stars you were familiar with. Your other hand is gripping the bench and he inches his own closer and closer but he has an idea of his own. He doesn’t know how but he’s thankful that his confidence resurfaces once more as he stands up, holding a hand out to you. Your focus returns to him and you cock your head to the side in confusion.

“Dance with me” the idea makes you all giddy inside but you can’t help but tease

“Without music?” He sighs in faux-annoyance as he opens his phone to play a soft tune, propping it up on the blazer he opts to take off. He’s a sight for sore eyes in the crisp, white button-up. He offers his hand to you again but you oblige this time. You squeal slightly as he unexpectedly pulls you towards his body, instinctively placing a hand on his chest while his free hand finds a place on the small of your back. His hazel eyes are so much prettier up close. He simply can’t believe that this is happening. You both fall into a rhythm together as you move to the soft melody.

“I’m a genius.”

“Of many things” he says with a wistful sigh, smiling softly.

The butterflies in your tummy grow more and more restless as your faces grow closer together. You can feel his warm breath on your face and you can see the little scars that adorn his face. The hand that rested on his chest slides up towards his face to cup his cheek and his eyes flutter to a close for a second as he relishes the warmth. You’re both breathing heavier, almost panting, even though nothing has happened yet. Your eyes are frantically flickering over each other's features, desperately trying to commit even the most minute detail to memory. Your gaze lingers on his pretty pink lips for a second too long and like that: you’re the first to give in. you pull him towards you, finally capturing his lips in a soft kiss. He tenses for a moment, mind completely blanking as he attempts to process what is happening. Just as quickly, he relaxes and pulls you even closer to him, if that were even possible. The taste of your watermelon flavoured lip gloss was borderline addictive and the softness of his lips had you feeling dizzy. You part slowly and reluctantly for breath, your hands stay in each other's hair as you stare into each other’s eyes.

“Promise you’ll call?” you say as the taxi pulls up at your place. You really have no idea just how infatuated he was with you.

“I swear on my life, bonita. I’ll call the second I get home!” he smiles, pulling you in for the final kiss of the night before you open the car door and leave. Before entering your place, you turn around to give him a wave, smiling widely as he waves back. You kick off your heels and flop onto the couch, a wide smile plastered on your face as you recall the events of the night: he, Pablo Gavi, really liked you.

Pablo tries to close the door quietly behind him, finally returning home after going rogue at the premier with you. The lamp in the corner of the living room flickers on, spooking him as he sees Pedri sitting there, wide awake and waiting.

“Look, I know I should have called about where I was but I swear I know how to handle myself I just-”

“Yeah yeah whatever, I couldn’t care less about that Gavira. You owe me something.” Pablo is stumped, his tired mind can’t wrap around what his friend is trying to get at.

“An apology? I was trying before I got rudely interru-” Pedri turns the laptop around so the screen is facing his best friend.

Oh god no, this was all much quicker than anticipated. No words can be heard and the camera quality is rather shaky but the faces are obviously you and him. The camera has captured the moment where you drag him to behind the posters to talk privately, your hands resting in his, and they capture the pair of you walking off back into the crowd together in the middle of the escape.

Pedri gets up, places the laptop on the table and goes to ruffle Pablo’s hair and then shakes him by the shoulders.

“I told you she was into you! I told you! You’re such an idiot I swear!” Gavi rolls his eyes, mouth twitching as he tries to hold off a smile. He doesn’t want to reveal all the details yet but it was a magical night, to say the least.

“C’mon you have to tell me something!” Gavi looks down as a blush dusts his cheeks.

“She said she wants to see me again,” he says, stretching the back of his neck. Pedri wraps him in a tight hug.

“I’m always right, see?”

“Whatever!” Gavi retorts with a smile, jogging up to his room. He’s itching to call you. Pedri lets him go in peace, oh he’s going to be relentlessly teasing the poor man in the morning.

Once Pablo reaches his room, he quickly unbuttons the shirt, throwing it to the side before falling onto the bed, sighing in relief as the cool and crisp sheets felt like heaven against his burning hot skin. The effect you had on him clearly hasn’t worn off just yet. He opens his phone and immediately goes to call you. A smile immediately makes its way onto his face as he hears your voice.

“Did you make it home safely?”

“As per instruction, bonita.” he thinks he can hear your smile over the line. Oh this was the start of something beautiful.

I’m sorry this has taken so long, lovelies. I have a lot on my plate and have been feeling a little demotivated but I've been feeling a lot better recently so hopefully I can start posting more often again! I hope you enjoy this one xxx

#pablo gavi #gavi #gavi imagine #gavi x reader #pablo gavi imagine #footballer fic #footballer imagine

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romanarose · 1 year

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Steven helping when you're stressed over a bad friend

Steven Grant x gn!reader

Summary: You are having issues with some friends during finals week and need Steven's assurance.

A/N I literally am having issues with some internet friends right now. Unlike many of my scenarios in my life I turn into fics, I didn't have to deal with this alone. After our last final (yay!!!) me and my friend met up and she talked me to. A lot of Steven's lines are what she said to me, in a more Steven way. I won't go into details, just a few things I think a lot of people can relate too. Anyway, here you go. Not event agging anyone bc this is literally just for me to vent out my feelings.

Warnings: toxic friendships, manipulation (not sure if that's clear here but just incase), brief mentions of anger issues and I wouldn't call it relationship problems, but normal couple stuff the system had to work through together. References to a friend who says concerning stuff, you can take this to mean threats of harming one self, comments about excessive drinking or drug use, or any other harmful behavior. Point is, said person is known to say and do things, and uses it to manipulate reader.

*********

"Love, are you alright?" Steven watched you watching Community from the other side of the couch, instead of your usual spot next to him.

You scoff, a little meaner than you mean. "No, Steven, I'm not" You said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Steven simply waits, trusting you'll realize you were being rude. And you did. You sigh, turning to him. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. That was unnecessary. There was no need for me to be sarcastic." Steven and Jake had been working with you and Marc about regulating your high emotions. They allowed you grace when you went too far, as long as you recognize when you were being mean. As you requested, they didn’t let you or Marc get away with being rude, and the two of you tried to ask for space when you needed time to calm down and the others were coming on too strong.What had started as mediation between you and Marc, who both were prone to anger outbursts, had turned into general work that you and Marc, Jake and Steven had to put into for the sake of everyone's relationships. It was working out well, and the four of you were finding the way to manage things together, as a team.

"Can you tell me what you are feeling right now?" Steven asked, ever patient.

Of course, you knew the next part, naming your emotions. "I'm feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and maybe a little unseen."

His brow furrowed at that. "Unseen by who? Us? I mean, me?"Steven’s work involved not trying to speak for the others, unless asked to.

You shake your head, smiling a bit. There had been a time where maybe you had felt like Steven didn't see you, didn't get you, that only Marc in his anger and Jake in his chaos were the only ones who ever got how you felt, but as you worked through the bumps with Steven, you came to realize that he didn't have to know exactly what you were feeling or had been through to see you. "No baby, with my friends. Between finals and the recent... I don't know if I can even call it drama, I just feel like a lot is going on right now." You last final was tomorrow, and Jake had convinced you to put the books down and take a mental break. The best cook in the house, he made you diner, you ate with Marc, and now were winding down with Steven, hoping a good night's sleep would benefit you more than staying up all night studying.

Steven nodded. "You hadn't mentioned anything was going on with your friends, love, can you tell me what's going on"

"Yeah" You pause a bit. "Can I lay on your lap, Steven? I'm tired"

Steven's warm smile reached his brown eyes "Of course, sweetheart" He reached out for you and you lay down on his perfectly thick thigh as he plays with your head.

"It's Jenna. She's saying that stuff again. A lot of us have reached out to her, but she won't really reply. She'll make these concerning posts for days and not talk to us." You had your phone to Steven to read the things she's said. You've known Jenna for years, but recently as a friend she hasn't been the best, but whenever you try to distance yourself from her, she'll start making these threats, concerning you, drawing you back in.

Steven handed you your phone bad, looking upset. "That's a lot, I see why you're worried. And no one can get a hold of her?"

You shake your head. "But she'll post other stuff on snap chat where she's fine. I don't know what to do anymore. She does this so much and I'm exhausted. She won't accept my help, and I know, I knooooow it's not that easy but I don't know what else to"

Steven leaned over and kissed your head "I know you want to help, you always do, but she's an adult, she has to make her own choices."

"I know, I just feel responsible. She keeps calling me her best fiend so everyone keeps looking to me for answers with her but I just don't know. I don't want to be friends anymore but everyone sees her as this precious, perfect person and can do no wrong, but she's mean, Steven. And I know I can be mean but-"

Steven gently shushed you. "You don't try to be mean, you always apologize, and you always try to do better. I remember her making fun of your phone background, even after you tried to change the subject"

You had interests that some people considered niche, like a damn near obsession with James Dean, who you changed to your phone background to. When Jenna had seen it, she relentlessly teased you for days every time your screen lit up, until you changed it back to you and Jake.

"Yeah... and she said I have a giant forhead. Which is technically true, but she didn't have to say it." you agreed, exhausted from this week.

Steven continued playing with your hair. "I know it's hard, because I know you want so badly for everyone to like you, but it's just not realistic. She might just need to get mad and stop talking to you"

"What if she turns my other friends against me?"

"Well, then maybe they weren't that good of friends in the first place"

"Steven-"

He raised his hands in mock defeat. "I know! I know, I know it's easier said than done, but just do what you can to separate yourself, and me and the boys will be here to help you in whatever way we can, alright love?"

You nod against the skin of his leg, feeling the hair tickle your face. "Okay, I'll try, thank you Steven" You kissed his kneecap.

Steven pulled a blanket over you, and you feel sleep pulling you in as the Community paintball episode opened "And for what it's worth, love, we think it's very hard not to like you."

"even when I'm being a bitch?" You mumble, already half alseep from exhaustion.

"Even when you're having a bad day" Steven clarifies, never wanting to feed into your negetive self-talk.

"I love you Steven"

"I love you too, darling. Go to sleep, I already set an alarm, I'll take you to bed in a bit"

Whatever you said next was incomprehensible as you fell into the first goodnights sleep you'd had since thanksgiving break.

***********

anyway, there we go. As you can see, I've had a bit of a time with a friend, needed to get this out.

on the brightside I finished my last final today, so now I can go stress about this friend who refuses to answer my texts or messages.

#steven grant #steven grant x reader #steven grant x reader comfort #angst #not even tagging much bc it doesnt matter #this was so self indulgent

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okinawa-division · 10 months

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Ace's Thoughts on Ginza Division

Masa Judice

"...Wow. And here I thought the creepy, dark priest thing was just a stereotype you only see in movies or tv shows. I didn't think they actually existed in real life. Suffice to say, this guy is very different from the nun that lives in Ueno. Unlike him, she seems to be very kind and earnest. Him, on the other hand, behind his kind and innocent demeanor, you can tell this guy has got evil intentions. The fact that almost all of his city worships him like a freakin' cult should be a hint."

"...I'll say this: I don't know exactly what this guy's intentions are, and I don't really care. As long as he stays far away from me, Evelyn, and Rashaad, he can do whatever he wants in his little world."

Eiji Noguchi

"Eiji... Noguchi?! Isn't this the man behind the social media platform, PROFILE?! ...Wow. I am shocked. And that's not an understatement, either. I am very surprised to hear that the man behind one of the largest's platforms on the Internet is actually joining a rap contest. ...I'm almost afraid to let my father know about this. Why? Because in case you don't know, this man, (un)fortunately, had to ban my father from PROFILE because the bullheaded old man made some malicious and false messages." Ace scoffs. "He should be lucky that he had won the election by that time. If he had done that during the campaign, there's no doubt in my mind that he would have lost."

"But besides that, I am actually a big fan of PROFILE. I have a lot of followers on my page, though I only know a few hundred. Some of them are friends from high school, others are guys I met years ago during football camp, and others are just people I've met around Cali. Like I said, PROFILE's a good platform. I hope to meet the man behind it and shake his hand."

Oki Teagan

Ace scoffs. "And here we have the vulgar, redheaded buffoon. And trust me, that's me being nice. This guy reminds me of some of the bullies we had back in high school. They loved picking and beating up on people younger or shorter than them. They had a reputation around school, but it didn't bother me none. I didn't go looking for trouble, but I sure as hell wasn't going to run if it came my way."

"Honestly, the only thing of note about this guy is that he used to be in a rap group from what Rashaad told me. Apparently, he and that fortune teller lady from Ōta were in a group together, but it dissolved after she quit and the others followed. Now, it looks like he's trying to regain his former glory. Peh, forgive me if I don't hold my breath."

Last Judgment

"Last Judgment... is that name supposed to invoke fear? That facing them will be the last thing you ever do? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, but I still have a lot of things I want to do before I die. And I don't think facing these guys is enough to kill me. I'm not saying I'll go out of my way to face them. But if they want a challenge, I'll gladly give them one. My apologies to Mr. Noguchi, but PROFILE or not, if we face each other, I won't hold back."

#hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypnosis microphone #ace douglas #ginza division #last judgment #masa judice #eiji noguchi #oki teagan

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feline-evil · 6 months

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As someone who, due to life factors i don't wish to detail, had turned to social media years ago as his only way to find any kind of social interaction or ability to find others like himself i find the slow, disgustingly pitiful deaths that capitalism is causing to major sites not only incredibly aggravating but also deeply sad and worrying. The internet is getting more and more sprawled out and disconnected and there are both more and more sites and yet fewer and fewer places that really feel like you can congregate on and easily find things you're into and people who are into them too, it feels like community is harder and harder to foster; and lets not even get into how hellish this is if you are a fulltime independent artist online who has yet to create a large enough fanbase to support you and follow you to wherever you have to go when the next site inevitably becomes unusable or hostile to you. And i know we like to encourage people to touch grass and go offline and make connections out in the real world and i agree that that is incredibly important, but i do feel like there's this elephant in the room of the fact not everyone can; the circumstances i have existed in have shut me off from socialization and i HAD to turn to the internet for it, and i KNOW i am not the only person who has lived their life in this position! People who are broke, disabled, live in areas hostile to them or simply devoid of community and without social events; sometimes the internet IS your best bet at socializing and i really do worry about people like this, like me, as the internet slowly rots as it is lately.

The internet was also for me, and i'm sure many others, the only place i could explore my queerness and learn about such concepts as being trans; if it hadn't been for social media sites like this one (as occasionally well meaning but clouded by discourse as it was) i would never have even known trans men existed nor that i could be one. I would have had no idea what was 'different' about me or that i could choose to be something other than that which was slowly destroying me with the grief i felt for having to be it. I never would have met my boyfriend either, nor my friends; you can scoff if you like but genuinely the amount of life changing and life saving things the internet have provided me with have ensured i am still here today. I don't know, i'm just mournfully watching as the year slowly erodes what little i've had over the years in terms of people seeing what i make or having spaces to talk to one another and I'm worried about how bad this is going to get. With every death of a social media website that's become The One we congregate on we each spread off into a million different smaller, harder to find each other on ones, and who among us can really say they have the same time to give 5 different sites that they give to 1. My world was lonely before the internet became a thing i could access, and so was many other peoples i'm sure. I'm worried about it becoming that lonely again for people.

#jay talkin #sorry this is like. a deeply depressing discussion about the state of the internet but the subject is rotting a hole in my stomach #as are. so fucking many other things that i feel far less qualified to speak on and so shant #so im just. trying to get it off my chest and out of me bc it is eating away at me this year #lol a lot of things are. shits rough out here folks. shit is rough. been a morose time as of late. anyways. we move. we keep it pushing #also first person to get snarky and tell me that ppl can just make friends through school and work is getting fed into a mascerator #Not Everyone Experiences Those Things In Their Life Chucklefuck. anyway. mascerates you #sigh. lets leave this on a positive note. im getting my first new bed in 15 years today! yay!

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autumn-foxfire · 1 year

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Prompt 45) "Where are you from exactly?" from (x)

"Where are you from exactly?"

Izaya was a curious man, a very curious man who was very curious about humanity. That was why he was always fascinated when he met up with these types of people, those who post online about their fantasies of ending their life and yet kept secrets from those who they share their desires with like they actually cared about the life they had wish away just moments prior.

He knew he current subject of interest was not from Ikebukuro, nor was he from any of the surrounding towns and cities. It had immediately caught his interest that all of his attempts to look up the man had resulted in nothing but a wild goose chase, he was like a ghost, someone who had just blinked into existence that very day and yet here he was messaging Izaya about how much he wished for the embrace of death.

The man gave Izaya an impish smile, "I'm originally from Yokohoma," he answered simply, "However I've been travelling around Japan these past couple of months."

Izaya hummed as his mind buzzed with ideas and possibilities of the man and his life that had ultimately lead him to be standing next to Izaya beside a bridge he was intending to jump off.

There was something very different about this man than the others Izaya had met in this very scenario. Many of the humans he had met with before had been anxious about the meet up, skittish about taking their own lives even though they had gone into a great amount of detail with Izaya about their suicidal thoughts just hours prior over text.

This man however carried with him a sense of calmness that he had yet to encounter with any of the others. He looked over the side of the bridge almost wistfully, as if he was about to meet an old friend and not the hard concrete lying below.

It fasinated Izaya to no end.

The man was a mystery and Izaya was eager to pull back his layers until he found what made the man tick.

"This isn't your first attempt," Izaya guessed, eyeing the bandages wrapped around the man's neck and wrists.

"Not at all," the man sighed almost dramatically, like he was discussing the weather and not suicide, "My endeavor for a quick and painless death that inconveniences no one has so far been in vain however when I saw your tempting offer of a double suicide, I couldn't resist."

He turned to Izaya and looked him up and down, "I'll admit, I've always dreamed to die in the arms of a woman however beggers can't be choosers and every woman I've asked so far has rejected my offer."

Izaya couldn't stop the scoff that left his lips as a disappointment flood him, "It's always the same with you people," he complained as he collapsed against the railing of the bridge, "You want a 'quick and painless' death, an impossible feat regardless of how much you think otherwise," he drawled, "Even if you pop a bunch of pills and drift off in your sleep, someone is bound to find your body eventually, jump off this bridge and you'll be another stain on the pavement, an inconvenience to the people who have to clean up your worthless corpse when they inevitably find you."

Izaya has said a variation of this speech countless of times and is usually met with anger from the recipient yet just as Izaya let the disappointment roll over him, the man did the unexpected.

He laughed.

It wasn't the manic laugh of a man losing his mind. No, it was a laugh that spoke of it's agreement with Izaya's words. He perked up and looked over at the man.

"I'm well aware, Orihara-san," the man eventually replied and Izaya stiffened and went on guard.

He narrowed his eyes, "You know who I am," he said. He never used his real name during these internet conversations but he was also aware his reputation often proceeded him. This was an unexpected outcome but not an unwelcome one. It just fueled Izaya's curiosity once more.

"Of course," the man replied with a simple smile, "Izaya Orihara, 21 years old, an accomplished information broker known for his many dealings from upper class business men or Yakuza-" he paused and scrunched up his nose "-though from my experience those two tend to be the same people."

Izaya couldn't stop the shark-like grin that spread across his lips, "My my, it seems like you might be interested in taking my job," he joked, "You're becoming more and more interesting the longer I speak with you, Osamu Dazai."

The man, Dazai, returned the grin with one of his own, "I feel the same way."

#durarara!!#bungo stray dogs #bsd #izaya orihara #bsd osamu dazai #autumns writing #tw suicide mention #i mean it's izaya and dazai both characters heavily associated with suicide #wrote this because I was feeling low and thought I could vent these feelings and experiences through these two assholes #I also just want them to meet because I think it would be so entertaining #excuse the roughness of this i'm tired #imma go bed now

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an-aspiring-jester · 2 years

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Well, @frustratedpker said she expects more OC questionnaires from me, and your wish is my command! XD I re-did this one for my older OC, Fabian the jester. (Fun fact - my profile picture is the custom doll I made of him when I was like, 15. I consider him my first REALLY fleshed-out character.) The basic idea of the story is that most jesters are secretly spies, subtly influencing the world’s politics. It was fun to compare my results for him and Lucas, because they’re currently my main “heroic” protagonists - they’re both pretty self-sacrifical, but have very different vibes about it. XD

How do they react to…

---Someone in danger who isn’t hurt yet

Jumps in to save them, IF it doesn’t collide with his current mission objective. In other cases, maybe just yell.

---Someone in pain/injured

"Hey, can you walk? We probably should get you out of here"

---School work load

Just… ignores it. Life's too short to waste it on boring stuff.

---Loss of a friend

If it’s because of death - pay his respects, mourn a while in the jesters' fashion, focus on remembering them and telling stories. If it's due to a falling out - he gets the pangs of pain every once and then, but tries his best to move on.

---Death of a family member

Mourns for the appropriate time, but doesn't despair. They're still with you if you remember.

---New kids in school

"Let's see what you've got. If you're fun enough, we can be friends."

---Being the new kid

First, get himself noticed. Then prove his talents/usefulness.

---Being picked on

Make the bullies regret this, in very creative ways.

---Being praised/complimented

Exaggerated bows and fishing for more.

---Unintentional physical contact

Milks it for as long as he can.

---People who talk in excess

He won’t let them get as far. He’ll interrupt every second sentence with some joke.

---Being at a club

Let’s change that into a tavern. Heavy drinking, singing at the top of his lungs and making himself a centre of attention. If he lets himself get REALLY drunk depends if he’s “on the job” and really fishing for information, or just enjoys his free time.

---Getting in trouble at school

RUN!!!!! And hide from his father for a week. XD

---Getting roasted by a friend

Pure indignation, comically exaggerated, then firing back.

---Types of humor besides their own

Well, he’s literally trained to entertain all kinds of humor depending on the audience, but privately he scoffs at some less experienced jesters who just rely on cheap tricks and lack imagination. He's got standards, you know.

---People of the opposite personality type

He’s an ENFP, so the opposite is ISTJ - he finds them a bit stifling, and would probably provoke them a little with his rebellious nature, but eventually “deal with it”. They’re unlikely to become close friends though.

---Mainstream type people

Well, they ARE easier to predict/entertain/manipulate, thus making his job easier, so… *shrug*

---Memes and internet humor

Not really applicable, but in the modern AU he’d be familiar with it, though probably not a big fan. Most of them he just wouldn’t find so funny. A bit of a professional pride thing, “so now everyone thinks they’re comedians, huh?” type of deal. XD

---People who are needlessly lazy

If he needs them for something, he just drags them along not caring for protests. XD

---Being pulled into a fight

“Just tell me who to punch.”

---Really early mornings

A rare moment of peace and quiet in jester’s life. He enjoys the moment for himself.

---Having to be a mediator among friends

Irritation, mostly. He doesn’t have the patience for it. Can’t you just make up already?

---Learning new flaws in other people

"Nobody’s prefect, I guess."

---Acquiring new physical flaws

“As long as I can still juggle and outrun the angry guards, I’m good.”

---Moving into a new home

Where are all the strategic points in town? Also, the tavern.

---Being ignored by a crush

Irrelevant. His feelings don’t matter.

---Sharing a literal bed

Common occurrence during missions. They usually don’t have money for seperate rooms with his companions. He probably falls asleep first and spreads over the other person.

---Their own flaws and insecurities

“If I bury them deep enough, maybe no one else will notice…”

---People’s misconceptions of them

He literally counts for people to underestimate him, it gives him the upper hand. He feeds the misconceptions himself.

---Their crush loving someone else

It’s not relevant. It’s not relevant. IT’S. NOT. RELEVANT. (if he repeats it a hundred more times, maybe he’d finally believe it)

---Someone who wants to debate

“Really? Be my guest. Don’t expect me to treat it seriously, though…”

---A crabby boss at work

Most of his bosses are. Swallowing his pride is the first thing a jester needs to learn.

---Control freaks in their life

Ostentatiously disobeying.

---People so open minded that they agree to everything

Probably use it to his advantage.

---Day and night changes

Takes in the atmosphere. Just observing how life slows down/awakens around him is very satisfying.

---People who gossip

Gossiping right with them! They’re responsible for 90% of his information-gathering. It’s one of his favorite activities.

---All nighter activities

If it has to be done, it has to be done.

---Theme parks on location

Enjoys the general atmosphere, but again, he has OPINIONS on some less-than-skilled amateur entertainers who count on a quick buck there.

---Couples making out publicly

If he’s in a good mood and has time, he makes fun of them. If not, he just ignores them.

---Going to the doctor

“What do I need to do to get back on my feet? As soon as possible.”

---Bad smells in the area

Ignores them. He slept in enough stables to get used to it.

---Beginning a new project

Examining all the available sources and preparing a course of action.

---New technology item in the house

Not really applicable. He's casually curious about innovations, but doesn’t really care to use them himself.

---Being cut off from supplies

Beg, steal, or borrow new ones.

---New money to spend if they want

Treats himself. It’s not often he has a chance to indulge in luxury.

---New students or neighbors

Gets to know everyone.

---Friends doing something wrong

“What do you think you’re doing?”

---Getting called out on their mistake

Gets irritated. Denies anything is wrong and insists it’s all according to plan.

---Optimistic kind of people

Counterintuitively, he actually dislikes foolish, unwarranted optimism and shuts it down with cutting remarks.

---People who overwork themselves

"Take it easy, won't you? The life will pass you by before you know it!"

---People with poor hygiene

Ignores it. Would probably grimace at the odor but wouldn't comment. (unless it were funny)

---Animals in general

Always befriend local dogs. It saves your life when you piss off their owners. XD

---People who don’t trust anyone

Makes it his mission to worm his way into their circle of trust anyway.

---Long lectures or speeches

Boooooring… He'd either jawn or interrupt with his jokes, depending on the setting.

---Sleepover activities

Kinda pointless.

---Travelling for vacations

Enjoying every second of it. Admiring nature, sightseeing, trying new foods, chatting with the locals. He’s in his element.

---Board or card games

He loves them. Can cheat like a pro, too, but does it only if it’s a high-stake game when the results can affect the mission. He doesn’t do it recreationally.

---Starting a new job

Befriend every low-rank employee (maids, cooks) so he can gather info and gain favors.

---People missing limbs

Doesn’t really think much of it. Life sucks sometimes, but you gotta get by with what you have.

---Being kissed unexpectedly

“And now you ruined my make-up.” (Canon reaction. XD)

---A sudden scream

Get his knife ready and go investigate.

---The sight of fresh blood

“Shit. What happened there?”

---Public wardrobe malfunctions

Makes it a part of a joke.

---Sleeping in accidentally

“*Groan* I hope I won’t get fired over this.” (If it’s between employments, he doesn’t care.)

---Friends of a bad influence

Depending on how you define the bad influence, he can be one! XD

---Pessimistic kind of people

“Lighten up! Wallowing in despair never helped anyone. It affects morale. If you're unhappy, DO SOMETHING about it instead of complaining.”

---People who hate a show they like

“Sorry to hear you have no taste."

---Being told they’re not good enough

“Wanna bet on that?"

---People with mental disorders

I don't think that in medieval times people were as aware of those, but he's more patient than average with people having different "quirks" and doesn't write them off because of them.

---Being turned down for an invite

“Your loss. You'll miss all the fun!"

---People who don’t take care of their bodies

Doesn't care for strangers, but would nag his friends to take better care of themselves. But probably disguise his concern with some variation of "you'll be no use for the guild if you just run yourself to the ground, you know". They would get the intended meaning though.

---Being told a secret

He WILL use it, if the need arises.

---People with very little impulse control

Well, most people view HIM as the one lacking impulse control (not exactly true, his risks are usually calculated… with a LARGE margin for error XD), but when put in charge of some hot headed youngsters, he can act like a put-upon parent, holding them by the collar. That's a very rare occurrence though. Usually he's the one charging ahead. (Again, from other people's perspective - he usually knows what he's doing)

---People who can’t make a solid decision

Just forces them to make one. He has no time for this.

---Intentional physical contact

He's… pretty normal about it, I think? He likes it, is never awkward (unless he's getting hugged by a certain engaged duchess, who also happens to be the love of his life, but he's convinced it can never be, and while he longs to just return the embrace, he is aware of all the possible consequences and not wanting to sewer her reputation… but that was just one time. XD And he got out of it with a smooth joke, so again, does it really count as awkward? XD) sometimes initiates it, but also isn't an exceptionally touchy person. Not much to say here XD

---People who complain

Shuts their complaints down.

---Being introduced to someone else

Depends WHO they’re introduced to, he plays the desired persona.

---Having something of theirs taken

Steals it right back.

---Not knowing what they are doing tomorrow

Just enjoying their free day, with no worries. Lazing around.

---Their plans going awry

“Shit, shit, shit. Okay, what now?” *improvises something insane, borderline suicidal and usually brilliant*

---Various authority figures

Doesn’t respect them on principle, but sometimes pretends to, if it gets him something.

---People who can’t take care of themselves

He can't take responsibility for everyone's happiness. But if he can do just one small thing to make their day better, he'll do it.

---Weather changes

What would life be without a little unpredictability? (Honestly though, he usually pays attention to it. He doesn’t want to be caught outside in the middle of the storm, or something)

---People who wait for you to go to them

Well, he’s generally the first to approach people in any situation anyway…

---Competitive people

Competes with them. XD

---A very ladylike girl

He may be less crude with his joking, if she's nice.

---Being taken to the gym

Do I really need additional training? I'm in shape!

---Really late nights

Again, enjoys the quiet.

---Having a room all to themselves

Peak of luxury.

---A true gentleman

Makes fun of them, testing how long they would last.

---People who keep changing how they look

Often a requirement for a guild’s agent…

---Being kicked out of a public place

Tries to find a way back in.

---Getting lost when they need to be somewhere

"That's… bad. I gotta hurry."

---Getting something unexpectedly free

“Great, free stuff!” Gotta gather what you can.

---Reading someone else’s journal

Memorizes everything.

---A friend who snaps at them

Tries to make light of the situation. Or snaps right back. Depending if he’s guilty.

---People who like a show they hate

“Sorry to hear you have no taste."

---Someone having a crush on them

Half the time, it's his intended outcome (he sometimes charms ladies to get the info on missions). But if it happens without his control, he'd take a while to even notice. Once he does, it'd be pretty awkward. He'd try to turn them down before it gets too serious.

---Not knowing where to go next

Pretending he does.

---Super mega health nuts

“Well, obsessing about one's health is a luxury simple folks can't afford."

---Technology geeks

“You rely too much on your fancy gadgets. You'd die in the real world."

---Culture-minded culture-focused people

Well, he studies other cultures so he can better blend in, but his core belief is that people are the same everywhere, the rest is just details.

---Nature enthusiasts

Well, nature is great. Nature is useful. We'll be lost without nature.

---Being given a gift they can’t use

Gives it away.

---Being blamed for a friend’s misdeed

If it's a close friend, he's willing to take the burn for them. If it's a casual colleague, he'd probably try to set the record straight. (Of course, if it's only about the inner dealings of the guild. Otherwise the wellbeing of the mission always takes precedence and he'll do what he must.)

---Being snubbed by someone they look up to

Grit his teeth and work twice as hard to prove them wrong.

---Being put on the spot to give an answer

Stalls long enough that everyone forgets what the question was.

---Talking in front of a large group

That’s just a performer’s job.

---Being left out of an activity

If he cares, he invites himself anyway. If he doesn’t, well, he doesn’t. XD

---Animal enthusiasts

”I mostly want to know which animals can be petted, which are food, and which can potentially kill me (and how to kill them before it happens). That's all I need to know.”

---People with physical disorders

He'd take all their special needs into account. He won't be patronizing about it.

---History enthusiasts

"Got something that is ACTUALLY relevant to the present situation? If not, shut up."

---Being sat on by someone else

Mini-performance of righteous fury.

---An injured person

Helps them. He's pretty skilled with first aid.

---An unexpected grade in school

"Wow. Whatever I did, I should do that more often."

---Authority figures playing favorites

Does everything in his power to BECOME that favorite.

---Segregation and prejudice

“Sometimes life just sucks.” (That’s why I became the guild's agent, to try to make the world a better place. One step at the time.)

---Activists who try to force their ideals

He's not even gonna listen. And he makes fun of them.

---Commercials on TV

Not applicable, but he's generally distrustful of overbearing advertising. Prefers to test the product himself.

---Learning a secret they weren’t supposed to

That’s basically part of his job description.

---Being flirted with

Flirts back. It’s a good way to gather information.

---Being lied to or betrayed

Curses the liar/traitor. But if they explain themselves later with a good enough reason, he’s willing to give them a second chance. Trust is conditional though.

---Loud/rowdy/energetic people

He’s one of them.

---Tense situations

Breaks it with a joke.

---Rough tough areas of town

He finds his way around expertly.

---Situations under stress/pressure

That’s when he does some of his best thinking.

---Learning or advancing a skill

“How can I incorporate it into my next performance?”

---Music of their choice

Singing along? Probably.

---Being invited out with friends

“What are we drinking?”

---Plans changing on the spot

He’s often the one who changes them…

---Being placed in a group project

As long as they accept his individuality and unorthodox methods, he's good. Otherwise, he won't be happy.

---Sharing a bedroom

Pretty unproblematic. You have your space, I'll have mine, goodnight.

#OC questions #my OCs #mine

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latejulys · 3 years

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i know this is just the internet and you’re never really sure if you Know people but then i consider the friends i’ve made here my real friends but you’re all just inside my tiny computer <3

#i used to scoff at other people for having internet friends as well #like #i didnt consider those as Friend friends u know what i mean #but really some of you even know me more than my irls do djkdfkjfkjfdkj and that says a LOT because i don't usually open up #but obvs not more than ALL of my irls but u get my point <3 #and also yes i do not open up that much so what you're seeing here on tumbler dot com is terrifying <3 #and i've gotten through so much especially during the pandemic bc of a lot of u and idk i think it's cute and u are all my friends!!!#anyway this is my last text post of the day/night <3 reading through my text post tag is literally like picking my brain apart #or like reading through my diary <3 #y.txt

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Corpse’s Girl

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Bullying, Swearing, Derogatory Terms

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: Y/N’s life as a regular college student is forever stripped away from her when her relationship with the famous YouTuber Corpse Husband is accidentally revealed during an online class of hers. How will she cope with the sudden spotlight and the unwanted attention, some of which crosses into bullying?

Requested by my amazing Tumblr friend @itsminniekat 🥰 She’s been reading and liking my works since day one and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. If you’re reading this, all I can say is thank you, darling. Thank you so much for sticking by my blog even when I posted some crappy fics. I’ll make sure this ain’t one of them. Love you with all my heart. ❤❤❤

P.S. - I named the mean character with my name so I hope no one who reads this has the same name. Wouldn’t want any of you feeling like the villain 😘

Who knew online class would be even more boring than being physically present for a lecture? Seriously, I find myself doing the weirdest of crap to entertain myself - like trying to balance a pen on the tip of my nose for example. I jot down some notes every now and then but that’s basically it. My mind can not fathom the concept on concentrating on whatever my professors are going on and on about. Well, full disclosure, I couldn’t concentrate even if I wanted to, especially with my boyfriend streaming in the other room.

He’s currently playing Among Us with his usual gaming squad. Listening to his input during the discussions, I can always tell when he’s lying. I honestly find it hilarious that his friends can’t pick up when he’s bullshitting them. I sometimes wonder if he has brainwashed them. And that’s one of the main reasons we don’t play Among Us together - he can’t lie to me. Not only do I pick up on his con with ease, but he always says he feels bad when he lies to me which is just the sweetest thing. Also, I refuse to play cause I’m shy. His friends are all well-known content creators and I’m a literal nobody. Every now and then I find myself wondering why Corpse is even with me. He’s always quick to push those thoughts out of my head and make sure they don’t return on a long notice, but they do interrupt my peace from time to time.

“Y/N, do you know?“ The sound of my professor saying my name takes me out of my eavesdropping of Corpse’s stream.

I panic, but quickly improvise, “Sorry, my internet is slow, you cut out for a second. What was the question?” I feel my face heating up, making me glad we are allowed to keep our cameras off.

“Question number 15 on page 82 in your textbook. Do you know the answer to it?“ My professor repeats himself, his tone annoyed.

I look down at the page that’s already opened in front of me. I let out a sigh of relief, seeing that the question is rather easy.

“Yeah, um, it’s...“ Suddenly, Corpse’s laugh reaches my room loud and clear. There’s no doubt my mic picked up the noise, especially since the door to my room is open.

The color drains from my face as I hurry to say the answer and remute myself. My eyes are wide as I stare at my screen, hoping no one will acknowledge that very recognizable laugh.

“OMG Y/N, are you watching a Corpse Husband stream in class?” One of the bitches in my class, Vy, speaks up, “Not a very goody-two-shoe move on your part, dear.”

I purposely unmute my mic to mumble a quick ‘Shut up, bitch’ that somehow manages to fly under my professor’s radar and the class continues. It’s the first time something like this has happened and I’m not sure if I handled it properly or not.

The class ends shortly after, allowing me a sigh of relief as I disconnect from the meeting.

“Fucking finally.“ I mumble to myself, leaning back in my desk chair. Tilting my head backwards, I see Corpse standing in the doorframe. I grin, not only because his presence itself makes me ten times happier, but also because he’s upside down from my viewpoint. “Well, hello there! How long have you been spying on me?“

He struts over to me, leaning his face over mine, “Long enough.” His lips linger above mine without any actual contact before he pulls away, allowing me to sit up straight and proper in the chair. “You still have classes?”

I nod my head while disappointedly rolling my eyes, “Yeah. One more. Shouldn’t be too bad since it’s English Lit. You’re done streaming?”

“Yeah, I just have some other things to do. I haven’t done a narration video in a while, I miss making that type of content.“ He plops down on my bed, running a hand through his messy black curls.

“Weren’t you recording some lines a few days ago?“ I frown as I try to recall if what I’m referring to actually happened or my brain is too fried to decipher reality from my bootleg perception of it. Online class, man - messes with your head like sleeping pills - makes you disoriented and exhausted with barely doing anything other than trying to wrap your brain around a lecture or two.

He hums affirmatively, “It’s not a finished project and I don’t even know if I’ll use those or rerecord them. I’ll have to listen to them again before I make a final decision.“

I tilt his chin upwards with my pointer finger, a gesture he has told me he finds very endearing, “I’m sure they’re great and you just refuse to be satisfied. Everything you do is great.“

He smiles a small, shy smile, his fingers gently wrapping around my wrist, holding my hand in place, “You’re biased. You like me too much to tell me when I do some bullshit.”

I scoff, “You know that isn’t true. If someone’s gonna kick your butt in formation, it’s gonna be me.“ I give him a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling away from him, “Go on, now. I have a class to attend. You distract me enough while you’re in the other room, I can only imagine how hard it’d be for me to focus if you were right by my side.“

He smirks, bowing a little as he makes his way out of the room, “You flatter me.”

I playfully roll my eyes, getting my headset back on as I tap the last class for the day. We have an assignment due to the start of the class which we’ll have to present if the professor approved of it. We basically had to write a psychoanalysis of a character from any book of our choice. I chose Heathcliff from ‘Wuthering Heights’ which is one of my favorite books of all time. I’m proud of what I wrote and the way I wrote it, but I’ve always barely scraped by with a B in this class, a B+ if I’m lucky, so I’ve never gotten any major credit, even when I put my 110% in the assignments and projects.

Well, color me surprised when the professor calls on me first to read my work, complimenting it on its detailed and specific nature. I get my printed assignment out in front of me and unmute myself.

“I wrote a psychoanalysis on for Heathcliff, a character from Emily Bronte’s novel ‘Wuthering Heights’.“ Just after I say this line, Corpse’s voice booms throughout the whole apartment, no doubt being picked up by my mic. It doesn’t sound like he’s actually talking, he can’t be that loud. I put two and two together when I recognize the lines he’s saying - the ones he recorded a few days ago. They’re coming from his computer speakers. He probably didn’t check the volume before playing back the recording.

I mute myself as quickly as possible, but it’s too late. The voice dies down as Corpse probably turned down the speakers.

My professor, who is already done with this lecture, just annoyedly remarks, her words overdosed with sarcasm: “Read your assignment and you can go back to whatever it is you are watching.”

“Wow, Y/N! Again?! Are you one of those crazy obsessed fans or something? Is Corpse Husband all you watch?“ This bitch is really poking a stick at me, huh? The only crazy obsessed fan here is her, and my friends but they are allowed. Little do all of them know, I am obsessed but not simply over a YouTuber. I’m obsessed with my boyfriend who just happens to be a YouTuber.

“No commentary, please.“ The professor scolds her, “Go on, Y/N.“

I finish reading without any other disturbances. The professor compliments my essay again when I’m done, the small incident at the beginning forgotten already. Well, not by everyone. One of my friends shot me a quick text to joke about it which only earned an eye roll from me.

My friends don’t know that I’m dating Corpse either. As I said, they are simping HARD over him while I act the most indifferent on the subject. Whenever they ask my opinion on him I either say ‘he’s OK’ or just avoid answering completely. I know saying anything more enthusiastic than that would turn into a snowball rolling down a snowy hill - I’d just keep babbling about how nice, amazing, wonderful and a gift to this world Corpse is, inevitably revealing our relationship in the process.

I’m afraid of revealing my relationship with Corpse in front of these people. They are all run on jealousy and selfishness and I can only imagine how mean they’d be about it. I’m already not too fond of them, it would only be worse if any of my personal life was exposed.

When the class finally ends I remove my headset, putting my forehead down on the desk, barely missing the keyboard. I groan in frustration and anger at myself for not fighting back. I could’ve and should’ve said something - ANYTHING. But what? That’s a question I can’t find the answer to.

“Hey...“ Corpse’s hesitant voice comes from behind me, “You ok?“

I straighten my posture, turning to him with a smile. “Yeah, but these people suck.”

I get up from my chair as he approaches me, basically falling in his arms. The comfort I feel radiating off of him makes me relax, forget the past hour or so. He has always had this effect on me. Like my own personal kryptonite to my anger and anxiety.

“Did I get you in any trouble because of that?“ His voice shows clear concern and guilt.

I wrap my arms around him tighter, burying my head in his chest. “No, don’t worry about it.“

And I really wasn’t in trouble. Not until now that the video is officially posted....

I can call these people dumb all I want but they sure put two and two together awfully fast. They recognized the lines they heard during class as the same ones from his new video that came out almost a week after the incident, aka two days ago. It’s safe to say I haven’t touched my phone or computer since.

“This is all my fault.“

Of all the horrible things I suspected would happen this has to be the worst - Corpse is blaming himself for it. I am prepared to take all the shit these people have to throw at me but seeing Corpse beating himself up over this is killing me. No amount of convincing can change his mind. Nothing I say helps.

“Please, stop doing this to yourself. Non of this is your fault, Corpse.“ I’ve repeated this sentence more than a thousand time these past forty eight hours, each time saying it more and more desperately.

“All of it is my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I hate myself so much.“ Has been his reply single time.

I can’t watch him be so mean to himself. It’s the most conflicting thing when the person you love most is torturing themselves. It’s easy if it’s someone else doing it, you just kick their ass. But what are you supposed to do when the person you want to protect is the same one you need to protect them from.

Corpse has shut himself away in his recording room these past few hours and though he clearly needs to be alone, he still left the door open just a crack cause he knows I’ll be worried sick otherwise.

While I’m alone in the living room, I’ve finally managed to brace myself and build enough courage to power up my laptop. Last time it was on it was going mad with notifications.

“It’s digital. Only digital. It can’t hurt you too badly if it can’t touch you, right?“ I mumble to myself, already frustrated despite not having yet seen all the horrors that await me.

And horrors there were. Everywhere. Twitter. Instagram. Facebook.

My grades. Some pictures of me no one has ever seen. My school files. People from my class tweeting Corpse to ‘expose’ me for the ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ I really am. Corpse hasn’t touched social media either and I plan on making sure it stays that way. God only knows how much worse he’ll get if he sees these claims.

And then, like a notification sent straight from hell, an email from my professor.

Practical lectures on Friday. Be here at 9 AM. Don’t forget your mask and gloves.

Good thing I opened my laptop when I did. Friday is tomorrow and I need to prepare for this day. Not only do I need to hit the books but I need to toughen up a bit. I can’t go there looking like I feel - like a mess.

Alright, time to put the brave face on. No more wallowing in it, at least not until tomorrow afternoon.

I make a study plan and hop in the shower. I feel the need to apologize to my hair for washing it so roughly, basically yanking at my strands from frustration that has been suppressed for too long.

I get our of the boiling hot shower, red as a lobster, and change into some clean comfortable clothes and put my ass in study mode. I remove all the scary expectations of the morning to come from my mind and let the information the textbooks has to offer seep into my brain.

* * *

I’m about to head out and, despite my put-together composure, I am a wreck inside. I actually put effort into my appearance, I mean - I even styled my hair. A pretty façade to hide a ruin.

I saw my friends’ texts last night, all three of them ending their friendship with me because they felt betrayed. I haven’t yet decided how to feel about that. Doesn’t matter at the moment, there are more important matters at hand, aka surviving the next three hours.

My college is within ten minutes walking distance from our apartment. That ten minute walk has never been so stressful, not even during exam season. The air feels a little harder to breathe, the path a little shorter to walk. And my moment of reckoning a little too close.

I feel eyes on me the second I start walking through the park of our campus. Sure, I could just be paranoid, but the feeling is too real to be just my imagination in overdrive. I’m glad I have my hair down and a mask on so the redness of my cheeks and neck isn’t on display. That’s a sign of weakness right now.

We have two an hour and a half long classes between which we have a snack break that’s half an hour. I usually enjoy that period but I’m dreading it now. These assholes can only be so mean in the presence of a professor, but during lunch break they can increase that tenfold.

“Well if it isn’t Corpse’s girl.“ I hear that a lot. The whispers are not so much whispers as intentionally loud enough for me to hear remarks. I’m not bothered by them, it’s the least they can do. If I let such a simple thing get to me, I’d be crumbling by the end of first period.

I hear some shuffling behind me and out of the corner of my eye I see, yeah you guessed it, THAT bitch. She’s standing as close to me as she can without violating Covid regulations. A mask is covering her face but the menacing look in her eyes tells me all I need to know about the interaction that’s about to go down.

“I’d ask how much he pays you for the hour.....“ her long nails tap the wooden desk, “but that’d be rude. I bet it’s tough being a maid. Do you just clean or are you a multipurpose lap dog? No offense, I’m genuinely curious.“

“Vy, would you be so kind as to give Y/N some room to breathe?“ The professor asks as he nonchalantly walks in.

Vy rolls her eyes, batting her eyelashes at me, “Talk to you later, sweetheart.” With a fake friendly wave she’s out of my hair, at least for now.

Remember what I said about these people not being as dumb as I pegged them to be? Yeah, scratch that. These fuckers actually tried getting away with taking pictures of me with flash in broad daylight. Like, HELLO! I have two functioning eyes and a brain, I’m onto you. Sadly, me having figured out their childish but hurtful methods of humiliating me doesn’t change much. They still posted the pics they took, using the most derogatory terms they could find in the English language, always making sure to tag Corpse and me both.

Needless to say, these were the longest three hours of my life.

* * *

Shutting the door to our apartment behind me causes relief of the highest levels. I feel like I’ve locked out all the bad shit I have had to deal with these past twenty four hours.

I’m tired. I’m fucking exhausted. I feel like a discarded piece of paper.

And it all starts crumbling. A wall is bound to start slowly falling apart after being hit over and over again, each time feeling the blows with a stronger intensity.

I slide down the door sitting down on the floor and slowly taking my shoes off. I put my bag beside me and wrap my arms around my knees, hiding my head in the space between them and my chest.

One tear slides down my cheek.

Another follows.

And another, this time accompanied by a choked sob.

A pair of arms wraps around the ball that my body has been shaped into. One of his hands comes up to stroke my hair gently, feeding me the comfort I have been longing for since I left the apartment this morning.

“I saw it. All of it. All the shit they talk about you. All the names they call you. And I’ve never wanted to beat so many people up simultaneously.“ His words make me raise my head from its low position, giving him a knowing look. “I wish I could. I would, but that would land me in jail. Which doesn’t even sound so bad cause I don’t like going out. Only problem is you wouldn’t be with me. I wouldn’t want you to be there with me, don’t get me wrong, I’d never want you to end up in jail. I-...” I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. A quick kiss that says so much but mainly shows the immeasurable gratitude for his support.

Seeing those awful tweets and comments had the complete opposite effect on him. He no longer blames himself but the people who actually deserve the blame - all those jerks from my college.

I pull away, giving him a small smile. “I would never let you go to jail.”

He smiles back at me, overjoyed that my mood is slowly being lifted, “Come on, I have a nice crowd that would like to meet you.”

I know exactly what he means. Felix, Sean, Rae, Dave, Sykkuno and the rest of his friends. The people I’ve been so shy and afraid to meet since day one. Being shy doesn’t really make sense now, seeing as how they know I exist and that I’m a part of Corpse’s life.

What do I have to lose?

“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.“ Corpse’s black avatar runs around my cyan one in the Among Us lobby.

I can’t help but giggle when I unmute my mic, “Hi everyone! It’s so nice to finally meet you.“ They each introduce themselves, expressing how happy they are to be meeting me too.

It’s the first time in what feels like a while that I’m truly having fun. These people are wonderful, each so unique and lovely. They never brought up the scandal nor acted as though they knew about it. I know they did and I am beyond grateful that they never mentioned it or treated me any differently because of it. Also, Corpse was streaming the whole time. I had my phone on his stream, my eyes nervously scanning the chat every now and then. I couldn’t believe it. Corpse’s real fans were just as wonderful as his friends - they were nothing but supportive and happy to have met me.

Now, I can either choose to believe these people were being so nice to me out of sympathy or I can believe they really like me and appreciate me for who I am and not for what happened to me.

I choose to believe the latter.

And while I’m still getting accustomed to this whole new spotlight, I know I’ll be able to handle it as long as I’m holding Corpse’s hand in the process. All I need is to have him beside me and I’m prepared to tackle anything.

“They love you.“ Corpse tells me once the stream is done and we’ve hopped out of the Discord call, “But I love you more.“

His arms wrap around my waist while mine instinctively find their way around his neck, “I love them, too. But they’re at the number 2 spot.”

He smirks at me, “I wonder who’s at number 1.”

I push up on my toes, putting my lips an inch away from his, “Hmm, I wonder...”

He doesn’t let me finish, silencing my teasing with a sweet, loving kiss.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat

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writingsfromhome · 3 years

Text

Crystal Clear

A/N: Here’s some fluff, friends to lovers I’ve had going on while I work on something bigger :))

----------------------------------------

“Y/N,” a strange man calls my name. I look him up and down but I don’t think I know him.

“Who’s asking?”

“Y/N, it’s me? Harry.”

“Oh,” I laugh and greet him how I would have if I’d recognized him under all those layers, in a great big hug. “Your disguise is brilliant!”

“It’s not a disguise,” he says into his coat. “It’s bloody cold here.”

“Coldest day so far,” I accept the hot chocolate from the vendor and ask him for another, Harry could use one, poor thing. His plans this week were changed last minute, and since he was in New York City where his best childhood friend lived, he decided to actually hang out with me. Ever since he got famous, it was hard to catch time with him.

“Did the cold freeze all the English out of you? You’re not even wearing mittens,” Harry accepts his own cup from the vendor.

“I’m got them in my pocket,” I point to the bulge on the side of my coat as we step aside and make our way deeper into the winter festival that was at Bryant Park. “Don’t insult me, I can still make a better cup of tea than you ever could.”

“There she is,” I hear the smile in Harry’s voice more than I see it. It truly was ridiculous--not only was he wearing the thickest parka I’d ever seen, he also had on a beanie and a scarf, as well as knit gloves that held tightly to his hot chocolate.

“I’m always here, you’re just too busy to see me.”

“Not this again,” he groans. I was always giving him grief every time he touched down to NYC but didn’t pop by for a visit. I knew he had a hectic schedule, and even though I wasn’t that bothered I still liked to tease him.

“It’s true, you come to the city so often but I see you once a year. And maybe again when I’m in London if I get lucky.”

“I’m busy Y/N, I talk to you all the time!”

“I know,” I elbow him. “I just like to rile you up.”

“Well now that you’ve got that out of your system,” he tugs my hat over my eyes. “Where are we going next?”

I push it back up, “I thought we could just wander the shops, then get on the skating rink if you’re not frozen to death.”

“Alright I’ve got to pick some gifts up anyway let’s see what’s here.”

We make a good team as we visit stands selling ornaments and kitschy decor, handmade gifts, and hot cider. We sift through exactly what we might want, or what the other’s looking for. And with the light dusting of snow coming down, and the bright lights strung around the Park, it was like walking in a Christmas movie.

“Look at this,” I point ahead. We’d nearly visited all the stands and holiday shops but a festive psychic advertises their services in a small glass booth. “Should we?”

“It’s a waste of money,” Harry scoffs. “She’s just going to read your body language.”

“She might be the real deal-”

“You can’t be serious-”

“C’mon!” I tug his gloves hand and it takes a few but he stumbles towards me. It’s slightly warmer inside and I notice the space heater running in the corner. “At least it’s warm” I whisper to Harry.

“You really want to do this?” He asks one last time.

“It’s just $10-”

“$20 for the two,” the woman almost shifts out of the wall and I hide my jump with a laugh. There’s a curtain behind her, I realize, she must have stepped out.

“It’s just me,” I clarify.

She eyes Harry and Harry eyes her back. “You look familiar.”

“Just have that face,” he shrugs, burrowing into his scarf. “I’m just here to watch.”

She stares at him a moment longer before settling at the small table. I flash Harry a smile before sitting down myself, setting my bags onto the floor.

“Palm reading, cards, what will it be dear?” The psychic asks. I remember the sign out front said cards would be more than having my palm read so I opt for the cheaper option.

“Hm,” she says thoughtfully as she traces the lines on my palm. I wriggle my eyebrows at Harry and he rolls his eyes, but he stays watching her like a hawk. It was cute how overprotective he got sometimes. The psychic glances up to catch him watching her, she then glances at me and tilts her head.

“I see longevity, in life and love, a few bumps but you’re a strong persistent woman.”

Harry grumbles behind me and I resist the urge to say something to him.

“I see success after hard, hard work. But a big success that will change the course of your career.”

“Wow, how soon?” I ask.

“Mmm, after a big milestone. Turning 30?” she continues to examine my hand. “I see a second life later in life, with kids...just one no maybe two children.”

“How about her love life?” Harry asks. “Her last love s’not too nice.”

“Seriously Harry?” I turn to glare this time. He’s grinning with flushed cheeks, knowing it was a sore spot he liked to say i told you so to. It was true, he had told me so about my 3 year relationship but I’d ignored him.

“Your love life,’ the woman speaks up. “Shows me two great loves. One cuts short, the other is as long as your life line.”

“Ooh,” I lean in, interested. “I think I know about the one that was cut short. Tell me about the second!”

“This second...” she traces my palm and I feel a tingle. “This second love is very close, a bit rocky but it will last.”

“A bit rocky?”

“Hm,” she chews her bottom lip. “Time, distance...it will make it rocky. But it lasts.”

“So how close is close?” I ask eagerly.

“Close,” she says with a smile that tells me I wasn’t getting anything else out of her.

“That’s a bit vague isn’t it?” Harry pipes up from the back.

“The future isn’t always crystal clear,” she says without looking up at him.

“Lay off,” I scold him.

“It’s okay, I get nonbelievers all the time.” She laughs. “That will be $10 dear.” When I hand her the bill she stops me as she takes it. “A little free advice?”

“Sure.” I pick up the bags I placed on the floor earlier.

"Don’t be so focused on the life you want that you don’t see the life you have around you.”

“I’ve actually told her that before,” Harry decides we want more of his unsolicited opinions. “Maybe there is something true to all of this.”

“Thanks,” I pocket her words for later. Harry was right, he’d said something along those lines to me before, especially when it came to giving up control and going with the flow on trips and events with him. I always declined his offers, we lived a modest life growing up and accepting these gifts from him always felt so excessive. I wanted to make my own way in the world, but Harry always had something to say. “And sorry for his attitude, he’s not always this rude.”

“Yeah,” Harry shifts forward. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m a lot nicer usually.”

“I know,” she smiles.

“She’s psychic,” I remind him.

“I’m also online,” she laughs. “Can I get a picture?”

Harry eyes me, before going in for a selfie with her. I know he usually didn’t mind getting asked in smaller settings but he’d admitted it was something he was still getting used to. It had been a couple years since he became so famous, in such a short amount of time I went from being able to go down to a local pub with my best friend to schedules and security details and a whole other list of complications. Sometimes I hated it, mostly I was happy for him.

“Another day, another fan.” I tell Harry after we walk away from the psychic and he flips me off. “Should we get something to eat and get out of the cold?”

“God yes,” Harry shivers. “Can we just go to yours?”

“Let’s go,” I loop my arm through Harry’s.

Harry wants instant warmth so he hails a cab and we pick up takeout once we reach my neighbourhood. Harry had been here a few times, my roommate had gotten used to the fact that I was best friends with him, and sometimes he preferred to stay here when he wanted to be anonymous. Paparazzi sometimes crowded outside his hotel when word leaked he was there.

We eat ourselves into a food coma and Harry decides to stay the night, not wanting to face the cold again. Since our living room couch sprained his neck the only time he’d slept there, he usually crashed in my bed. His head barely hits the pillow before he’s snoring, I guess the jet lag finally caught up.

***

I jerk out of sleep, a crashing noise followed by swearing catches my attention.

“I think your roommate dropped something,” I hear from beside me. I turn my face to get a facefull of Harry’s thigh tattoos.

“Y’think?” I croak and shift backwards to see his face. He’s sitting up in bed and scrolling through his phone.

“Guess which psychic is officially internet-famous?” Harry asks dryly.

“Hm?” I’m still calming my heart from waking up so suddenly so it takes a moment to register Harry’s words. “What?”

He shoves his phone in my face, the selfie he took with the psychic yesterday is posted on social media with over half a million likes. He swipes away and a lot of his tag is filled with news outlets and fan accounts spamming the picture. He pulls it back to read a heading: “Harry Styles visits Psychic for ideas on his next album. There’s also Harry Styles rumored to be connected to the Occult...I don’t know what that means. Psychic tells all on Harry Styles reading.”

“How did that picture circulate?” I rub my eyes and sit up beside him. “And where is all of this coming from?”

“She has a Twitter, and she posted the picture.” He shows me, it’s there with the caption A handsome face showed up to my booth at the Bryant Park Market tonight. Get your future told, 5pm to 9pm 7 days a week.

I can’t help but laugh, she was a business woman and she really took the opportunity to sell her service.

“It’s not funny Y/N,” Harry looks furious so I cover my mouth and squint at his screen as he scrolls. A ton of people are responding asking about his future or what he came there for. Amongst them, she responds to only one person: His love life was involved.

My jaw drops, “That’s such a lie! She read me my love life, and life lines!”

“I told you she was a fraud,” Harry jerks the phone back to him.

“She lied for sales, but doesn’t mean she didn’t tell the truth yesterday.”

“If she lied about this she lied about it all and you wasted $10. She only talked about your love life, not mine...”

I remember her words, my second love was very close...could she have meant...

I glance at Harry and he seemed to have followed the same train of thought because we lock eyes, his probably just as wide as mine.

“D’you think?” he says just as I say “Was she...?”

We immediately burst out laughing as the tension comes to a head and bubbles over in a safe trickle.

“Is that what she was trying to say?” I say when I’ve finally caught my breath, my stomach hurt from laughing this hard.

“I guess when she said close she meant close,” Harry’s flat on his back from laughing. “Quite literal.”

“And you were calling her out on being so vague.”

“I’ve got to give it to her,” he shuts his phone off and throws it onto the covers between us, releasing the annoyance. “She’s a good businesswoman.”

“I was thinking the same thing but I thought you might kill me if I said that,” I admit.

We lay on the rumpled covers in silence, I think about everything else she said. The potential of it all is tarnished by the idea of Harry being my second love, for life. It was so ridiculous, unless by love she meant the way I love him now. As my best friend. Our lives were so different, there was no way it could ever work. Not to mention...he was my best friend since forever.

“Have you ever thought about it?” Harry asks out of the blue.

“Thought about what?” I prop myself on my elbow.

“Us, like...the way she predicted?”

“Together together?” I can’t help but laugh. “No never, you’re my best friend!” I recognize the flash of hurt so I backtrack a little. “No offense Harry, I love you but could you imagine?”

“I have,” he says it so quietly as I lay back down. “What?” I ask. He shrugs, “I’m surprised you haven’t. We’ve been friends since...we were 7. You’re saying you never thought about it?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Actually I haven’t. When...what did you think about?”

“I dunno,” he fiddles with his rings. “Like for school dances, when I didn’t have a date I thought about asking you as more than a friend...thought about where that could lead. Or every time you had your heart broke. I wanted to take the pain away and just show you what you deserved.”

“Harry I...” it was sweet, what he was saying. But he never gave a single clue about it the entire time we grew up. He was always chasing girls who looked nothing like me, so I always thought that’s what his type was. Never did I think about anything more with him.

“Not-not recently though,” he forces a laugh. “Just when we were kids.”

“That’s sweet Harry. I had no idea.”

He shrugs, and sits up.

“No seriously I...that’s so sweet. But just so you know, you have shown me what a good man can be. Just by being the best friend ever.”

“Aw,” he swipes my cheek as he gets up. “That’s cute. I don’t know if I’ve done such a good job when you’ve only dated knobs.”

I could recognize his defense mechanism--turning it into a big joke. But he leaves the room before I can call him out and I’m left sitting in the mess of what he’d just told me. It’s not that it was awkward or a bad thing, but suddenly it felt tense and the tension triggered an anxious feeling in my chest.

I decide to get out of my room and find my roommate cleaning up the remains of her broken mug. I offer to clean the spill as she dresses to go out for her run. Helping her distracts me, and when I hear Harry leave the bathroom I lock myself in, and try some breathing exercises to clear the anxiety creeping up. When I realize I was trying to avoid Harry, I scold myself. This was ridiculous and funny! Harry wanted to ask me out when we were kids, it was cute, and that was it. The psychic was a fake anyway, nothing she said meant anything.

I head back to my room where Harry’s made the bed. I change into trousers and my favourite fisherman sweater, and find him having coffee at our small kitchen table with his phone on speaker as he talks to someone. His legs barely fit underneath, so they’re sprawled to the side. He’s still shirtless, and my attention snags on his torso.

I shake myself out of my thoughts as I bump into the kitchen island, and glance up to see that although he was talking to the person on the phone, his eyes had been on me...while my eyes were on his abs. Oh god, I cringe. I try to act casual, mouthing if he wanted breakfast but he shakes his head and points to the call he’s having.

I make myself a toast and try to ignore what just happened but it only adds to the tension from this morning. When he gets off his call he brings his cup up to the sink.

“I think I need another cup.”

“Be my guest,” I move aside. “You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“Are you going to feed me avocado flax seed quinoa toast?” he teases.

“There’s no quinoa.” I correct, crossing my arms. “But...yes.”

“I’ll take this banana,” he holds the lone banana on the counter. “I’ve got to be in East Harlem by noon, that’s what the call was about.”

“Aw,” I hated saying goodbye. “Are you busy the rest of your stay?”

“I can make it back here,” he says.

“Do whatever you need to do,” I say. “I’m used to being discarded after you hang out with me in the city.”

“I don’t do that!” he reaches behind me to slot his cup in and set the machine to grind his beans. I can smell my shampoo on him, he must’ve showered. “If you want me back, you can just say that.”

The morning sunlight streaming through the kitchen window leaves no room for shadows; the shift in the mood is clear as the daylight streaming in. Or maybe I was reading too much into his words.

“I always want you back,” I look up to his height now that he’s standing so close, and the kitchen tightens further.

We’re stuck in a tableau; with my back against the fridge looking up at him as he gazes down with a curious expression. My mind grows blank the longer I stare. No one says a word, the sound of beans grinding the only noise in the kitchen.

My best friend in the whole world looks torn standing in front of me like this, and as my senses slowly rush back I realize that even if my expression doesn’t show it...I was torn. Because out of nowhere, all I can think about are all the questions I ever shoved away in the dark: what would it feel like if I kissed him right now? And what would have happened to us if he had asked me out to our school dance? Would we still be best friends? Would we have cut each other out? How many universes were we still good together like this? How many universes were we good together as more than this?

An urge to touch his face, make sure this was real, takes over me. But as soon as my fingers brush his cheek he snaps out of his trance and stumbles back like I’d burned him.

He forces a laugh. “I really do need that coffee.”

“Right,” I turn to the machine to put the grinds into their slot but I yank too hard and the freshly ground coffee flies out towards me. “Shit!”

“What happ-” Harry takes one look at what’s happened and turns away, his shoulders shaking.

“I can see you right in front of me laughing!” I shout. “Help me!”

“It’s all over you Y/N,” he turns around, tears in his eyes. “Give me this, I’ll put it far away from you.” He takes the remaining grinds and sets it down. I brush away what’s closest to my eyes so I can see and try to shake it off my sweater but they stick to the fibers of the knit.

“Great,” I grumble. “This is dry clean only.”

“It’s in your hair,” he runs his fingers through the strands that hang over my shoulder. I shake my head to dislodge the grinds; his fingers brush my neck away and tucks my hair behind my ear. “Uhm, that should be most of it.”

“It’s not out of this sweater,” I pout. “Screw dry clean, why did I think I could buy dry cleaning clothes?”

“I can drop it off on the way out today?” he offers.

“That means you’re coming back to drop it off to me?!” I ask hopefully.

His expression softens, “Y/N I’m coming back to your flat. I promise.”

“He promises!” I shout. Even though things were a bit awkward this morning, I got to spend more time with my hard-to-catch best friend and for that I was over the moon.

“We could also try to vacuum the sweater?” Harry suggests.

“So you don’t have to come back with dry clean?” I tease. “I’m not letting you get out of your promise, let me give it to you before you change your mind.” I tug my top off and ball it up, shoving it in his hands. It falls to the floor when he doesn’t hold it.

“Hello?” I look up and he’s a deer in the headlights. “Harry...”

“I can’t do this right now,” he takes a step back. I get the sweater from the ground and hold it out to him again.

“Do you want to wipe the kitchen floor with the sweater too? Take it!” I sigh. “Harry are you really acting so chaste about seeing a girl in her bra?”

“It’s-” he decides to stop mid-word. “You’re not just any girl Y/N, I’ve already made it clear.”

Now it’s my turn to stare--he hadn’t made it clear. “You said you only felt something when you were younger...”

“And you believed me?”

I realize I didn’t, but I wanted to believe him so I hadn’t questioned it. “Well it’s not the first time you’ve seen me in a bra. Can you take the damn sweater?”

“Yeah I can I’m just...” he seems to calm down a bit, enough to step towards me and take it. “I didn’t have to face this conflicted feeling in me if I didn’t see you often. I can just be the best friend. But now, with the whole psychic thing and you in--like this in your kitchen and I--I’m remembering how much I just want to...”

“Kiss me,” I say.

“Yeah...” he looks away.

“No, I’m telling you to kiss me.” I clarify. His expression would’ve made me laugh if my heart wasn’t beating so fast. I couldn’t believe I was being this impulsive.

“Really? You’re not just saying that cuz of this morning?”

“Fine,” I step out of his reach and cross my arms to hide my shaking hands. “If you don’t want to kiss me-”

He pulls me back too quickly and I bump into his chest. “I never said that.” He says in a tone I’d never heard from him before, it’s serious and sexy and it sends tingles through my body. I press myself up against him and he finally, finally, kisses me. Every bit of tension and anxiety the day had built up releases in the single moment his lips cover mine.

How had I waited this long?

The kiss is gentle, delicate like he’s still not entirely sure I want the same thing he does. I show him I do by using my tongue to open his mouth slowly and the hesitation disappears immediately. We’re a fighter jet taking off from there; I don’t know where I end and where he begins as he walks me to the kitchen island and lifts me onto it, our limbs tangling together, His hands roam down the side of my body, but he stays in the safe zones until I unclasp my bra.

“Oh hell no,” my roommate’s voice interrupts us from behind. I hold my bra close and turn. She stands at the entryway, shaking her head. “Not here. Not on our kitchen island. You two have a room literally 10 feet away...”

“Oops,” I say quietly which seems to set Harry off. My roommate is still shaking her head but I see the smile on her face. I’d caught her hooking up on multiple occasions so it wasn’t anything new. But I didn’t do this often. I jump down, apologizing to her. “Harry’s going to clean the coffee off the floor...I-I’ll find a shirt.”

“Mhm,” she closes her bedroom door and I look over at Harry who’s crouching on the floor in tears.

“This is all your fault!” I whisper but he tugs me down to where he is and holds my face as he kisses me.

“I know you two aren’t behind the island,” my roommate’s voice comes out again. I stay there as her footsteps move to the bathroom and the door closes behind her.

“I hate you,” I skirt out of his reach, and rush to my room yelling another sorry as I head back and find a top. Harry appears in my room as I put it on.

“I guess that was a good time for her to walk in on before it got too far?” he still has a stupid grin on his face.

“I don’t even want to think about it,” my cheeks were burning and even more so that Harry was elated.

“I’ve actually got to head out now.”

I pout but he kisses my pout instead. He promises he’ll be back in the evening and I let him go with one more kiss, my mind catching up with everything that just happened.

Oh my god.

***

It’s nearly 8 by the time I’m done running all my errands--taking holidays off for work was usually a good decision for me. I had a big family and picking up all the holiday bits before I flew back home was always a big job. I take an Uber home, I couldn’t handle a 40 minutes trip back home carrying everything home on the subway.

I call out to my roommate when I get in but she doesn’t respond. I check her door and it’s open and dark, the bathroom is also empty. She must have evening plans.

I open my door to a surprise. Harry is sprawled on my bed. He jerks awake when I settle my bags down.

“Y/N?” he squints as I turn the light on.

“How did you get in here?” I shrug my coat off.

“Y’roommate let me in before she left,” he rubs his eyes. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep...I had a whole thing planned.”

I’d gone over the whole morning during my errands, surprised and excited and nervous about this new step for us. But I continued to think about what the psychic said, our love lines extended alongside my life line. Even though there wasn’t much comfort or trust in a psychic who used a photo opp as a marketing opp, what she said had come true. And I put my faith in that, calming my nerves about this new step potentially ruining our friendship forever.

“Was that okay?” Harry sits up. “She didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Oh no that’s fine,” I unwrap my scarf and stand at the foot of my bed. “I really wasn’t sure if you were coming back.”

“Of course I would,” he reaches for my hand. “I wouldn’t leave you after this morning, I’m not that flighty.”

“Well we never really got to talk about it,” I say as I sit down. I’d texted him during the day but it never showed he read it, I wasn’t sure how to read into that; finding him passed out on my room meant he was probably on the go all day.

“Are you okay with this?” he says with such concern, I nearly tear up. This was making me way too emotional.

“I am,” I smile at my best friend in the whole world. “I just don’t want to go too fast.”

“We won’t,” he promises as he holds his arms out. I lean in towards his solid chest and he wraps his arms around me. I feel his breath on my cheek, then his lips in my hair. “I’m yours for eternity Y/N, we can take it as slow or fast as you want.”

It was a good thing to say, and I believe him entirely.

We eventually untangle ourselves to get food in us, and even though things are different, they’re also not. We still pick out the same parts of our food to give the other person, we still talk the same shit and laugh at the same jokes. But his hands grasps mine and his thumb brushes over my knuckles absentmindedly. His eyes stay steady on me as I talk like I’m someone new he’s exploring. We kiss after dinner, but we also load the dishwasher and laugh about the one time I’d managed to burn soup from a can. Eventually we end in my bedroom, where we lay together, our conversation growing quieter by the minute, the space between us growing smaller.

And even though we’d slept like this a hundred times before, it’s different now. I can feel it in every atom of my being, I was his and he was mine. And I don’t know how long it’s been like this for it to feel so easy, but accepting it was a no brainer, like accepting the sky was blue or the sun was hot. I remember the advice the psychic gave, I was following it: living the life I had around me even though it wasn’t the life I thought I would have.

There were a million things Harry and I had to figure out to make this work--I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But I did know that it was right, it was true, and it was going to be forever.

The future may not be crystal clear, but my future with this man was.

#harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #fic #writingsfromhome #friends to lovers #standalone #holiday fic #ignore any grammar or errors pls ty

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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years

Text

“harry’s stylist, right?” part II

Harry and his stylist go from colleagues to friends to lovers because they’ve been in love with each other from the jump

this gif bc i couldn’t fine the fit i wanted to showcase, but that night him and y/n get closer than they had gotten before :))

and we’re back :) - this is the last part of this i may do some little blurbs and stuff about these two if people want it (maybe) i hope you all enjoy this part, it’s not proofread so sorry about that lol. Feedback and reblogs are so very very appreciated, also feel free to message me about you’re feelings about this

Word Count: just over 10k | Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, implication of smut, i think that’s it

part 1

After the call with Jeff, which wasn’t really a conversation at all, moreso a berating from him, she was in the worst mood. She shrugged off the Bode jacket and hung it up in her entryway closet. She wasn’t planning on wearing it ever again. Without the jacket on, her shirt that seemed to be exactly on the nose with it’s “we’re in the shit” graphic was clear and she untucked it from her light mint pants. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally. Instead of picking her phone up again, she decided she could do without communication for a while. Her feet padded to her bedroom, after removing her nikes and socks. In her bedroom she opened up her record player, wanting music, but not wanting to be bothered with her laptop since it had a connection to the internet.

She grabbed her Electric Warrior by T. Rex and slipped out the first record from its sheath. As she set up the music, she couldn’t remember where she’d even gotten the record but for some reason it had called to. She skipped over Mambo Sun, the first track, though, and had it play Cosmic Dancer first. It was calming to her, she swayed a bit to the soothing beat and then climbed into her bed. Staring at the ceiling, she wondered about when her life had gotten so complicated. The rhythm in the music and the exhausting thought material lulled her to sleep as the afternoon sun washed her room a perfect golden from behind her shade.

When she woke up again, it was midnight and she was starving. The record had stopped spinning hours ago, she hadn’t even gotten through side A. It was forgotten as she made her way to her kitchen, groggily.

After settling on cereal and an alcoholic seltzer for dinner, she was really in the mood to treat herself, she made her way back to her living space. On the couch, she tucked her legs beneath herself and spooned the sugary food into her mouth. She had only soy milk in the place because she didn’t like cow’s milk and it didn’t keep when she was gone for extended periods of time. Then as she sipped from the black cherry White Claw, she dug her hand into the cushion next to her. Her hand reemerged with her discarded phone from earlier. She decided it was reasonable to go on it now.

More messages from various people in her life and hundreds of social media notifications. She was going to ignore social media for as long as she possibly could. Four missed calls. 2 voicemails. Styles Harry. Why she kept contacts backwards in her phone was unimportant, it’s just what she did.

She sighed and took a bigger sip of the barely alcoholic drink. Then clicked the voicemail notifications and pressed the first one on speaker as she began to read his texts as well. Then the next voicemail. She checked the time in California, it was still a reasonable part of the day there so instead of texting back she rang him.

“Hello?”

“Har- H. Hi.”

“Y/N! Are you alright?” The concern apparent in his tone. She was taken aback. He hadn’t necessarily sounded angry in his texts or voicemails, but she just assumed he was being courteous since it was a live conversation.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No! Why would I be?”

“Because I just had my ass handed to me by Jeff earlier.” She slightly mumbled and shrugged, still upset with how she had been spoken to by Jeff.

“Oh gosh, I told him not to be harsh. It’s honestly not a big deal. I thought it was fine, you texted me too!”

“Yeah, well apparently wearing your clothes means we’re dating and that’s not cool in the world’s eyes,” you scoff.

“I know how much you like that coat...I thought you looked great in it, too.” He finishes in a slight whisper, not wanting to be overheard.

“Harry…” you can’t keep the smile off your face. It was a cute compliment even if the situation wasn’t ideal. “Why do your fans have to be so smart and know there’s only two of those coats in the world and I don’t own the other one.”

He laughs, blushing at how you said his name. This time not using his nickname didn’t bother him, it felt even more intimate somehow.

He rubs a hand through his hair, “I know, pesky little devils, gotta love’em, though”

She hums, not sure if she can agree about loving them right now since they’re probably eating her alive all over social media.

“So you’re alright, darling?” He asks again.

“Mhmm,” she pauses at the pet name, it was soothing right now. All she wanted was to curl into his chest, but he was half a world away, quite literally. His words would have to do in his absence. “I’m really glad you’re not mad at me, H. That would’ve made this a hundred times worse.”

He huffs, wishing he could be with her to comfort her. He hated this part of his life. A friend couldn’t borrow a piece of his clothing without everyone assuming that they were seeing each other. It was disgusting and it made him dislike tabloids and social media even more than he already did.

“Trust me. I’d never be mad at you, pet. And I’d definitely never be mad at you for looking good as fuck in my clothes.”

“Shut up!” She squeals, his tone turning from earnest to teasing in one breath. He cackles on the other end of the line because despite her mean words, he could hear the smile on her lips.

“When are you flying back to London?” Her voice grows quiet again after she takes another sip of her drink.

“Thursday,” he almost whispers back, having contained his mirth again.

“We have some work to do on your Graham Norton and Jingle Bell Ball outfits. The listening party ones are all picked up -”

“Y/N,” Harry cuts her off, “It’s late for you, go to bed. Try not to stress out too much, we’ll talk when I’m back about work. For now, take a few days off to not think about my clothes.”

She sighs, “Thanks, H. You’re right. Have a good rest of your day.”

“Goodnight, m’love.”

She ends the phone call and chalks the almost ‘my’ sounding syllable that she heard before love was just her tired mind and Harry’s mumbling voice. It most certainly wasn’t.

After a restful few days of doing absolutely nothing, something rare for Y/N, she was extremely well rested. So much so that she was peacefully asleep when Harry let himself into her flat since they had agreed to meet at her place when he got back to London. As much as he wanted her to take time off and not over work herself, his schedule was a busy one and now that he was back, they had work to do.

Inside her flat, he was greeted with silence. He made his way to her bedroom at the back of the flat. He’d been here a handful of times. She always told him she preferred to spread out when she worked and Harry’s was the place for that. The door to the bedroom was slightly ajar and he pushed it open slowly with his ring clad hand. His black nails are freshly painted and shiny, no chips. Still in her bed, Y/N shifted around softly. He smiled to himself, taking in how the room smelled over lavender and how she had pink floral sheets. He walked to the window and raised the shade, hoping to have her wake up without and coaxing from him.

“H,” her voice mumbles into her pillow and he thinks she’s woken up. His face turns to look at her, but her eyes are still closed and she looks completely asleep. He wonders if she’s trying to trick him, but then she mumbles again.

“Mhhh, tha’ tickles,” and she giggles. He kind of grimaces, feeling like he shouldn’t be hearing this. He hadn’t known she spoke in her sleep, it was sweet, but with the context right now, he thought him having this knowledge might not sit well with her.

“Y/N,” he says loudly, before clearing his throat. Her eyes shoot wide and she sits up, dropping the sheet she had been snuggling.

“Harry! Oh my god!”

“Meeting, remember?”

“Oh my god,” she glances around her surroundings, Harry still standing at her window. “What time is it?”

“1 pm. We said 1 right?”

“We did, I just...I don’t know what happened. Sorry, give me a second. I’m out of it.”

When she emerged from her room, dressed and ready for the day, Harry had brewed a pot of coffee with her machine that she really only had for guests.

“Sorry again,” she sits at her countertop, searching for her notebook in her bag.

“No worries,” then he leans across the countertop, “Seemed like you were in the middle of a nice dream.”

His brows are raised as she avoids his gaze. She flushes easily, “I- it was...just one of those usual dreams.”

“You have dreams about me often?”

“I didn’t say that!” Her eyes shoot up to meet his and he grins. He takes a sip of his coffee before speaking again.

“I heard you say ‘H’.”

She rolls her eyes, “That proves nothing.”

They both stare at each other for a minute, not talking or moving. Harry is simply grinning at her as she twitches her hand with her pen in it now. Her eyes are trying to figure out what Harry’s getting at, searching his expression for how he feels about knowing she dreams of him. She certainly wasn’t going to get into it with him, even if he did continue prodding.

“Alright,” she begins when he doesn’t seem to want to press it further. “Oh!” She jumps up, dropping her pen and forgetting about whatever else she was going to say. “Your jacket! And shirt! I cleaned the shirt and the jacket…” She runs out of the room to go to her front closet where she had hung up both the jacket and the shirt.

Returning, she holds them out to Harry and he rounds the countertop to look at them.

“Perfect shape,” he admires the spotless shirt and his beloved jacket. He puts them on the back of the chair that was next to them. “Won’t forget my jacket again.”

She smiles sheepishly, thinking back to Jeff’s conversation with her. Harry notices her change in demeanor and takes one of her hands. Her eyes flash up to his face and her body tenses, he feels it even in her hand.

“Have you gone on any social media since you’ve been home?” His eyes are wide as he runs his thumb over the back of her hand.

She softens slightly, “Oh yeah, after the first day I decided to check. Most were funny and sweet, their nasty comments didn't get to me.”

Her eyes are big on her face and Harry watches as her worries and concerns all wash through the swirling colors in them. He wants to take all of that pain away and just stare into her abyss forever.

“What did Jeff say exactly?” He knows that’s what she’s alluding to. Harry loved his manager, but when he had called him about the jacket incident he had been pretty short with Harry and hadn’t given much information on his chat with Y/N. The way she looked right now bothered him because ultimately Harry was in charge of Y/N in his employment of her and if Jeff had acted like her superior in a way that was harmful he’d be downright upset.

Her eyes grow glassy immediately and Harry’s anger begins to bubble in the pit of his stomach. She tries to blink anything away, but fails.

“I don’t know why I’m crying, it wasn’t terrible. It’s just, all my life, I’ve had to work to be taken seriously because of who I am and I hate when I get talked down to by a man. Especially over a stupid fucking publicity thing for you. Like I’m sorry, but I don’t see you as a public figure where I have to worry about every goddamn thing I do messing up your image.” She pauses, taking a deep breath, realizing she’d gotten really worked up as she spoke. The tears running down her face more in anger than sadness. Harry watches on, letting her work through her thought process. “He was just so mean… for what?” She whispers finally.

“Oh god…darling,” Harry grips her hand more firmly. He wants to take her in his arms, but he’s not sure if that’s what’s best for her right now, so he just keeps holding her hand. She stares up at him, blowing a piece of hair out of her face. Her eyes now tinted a light red.

“I’m sorry he spoke to you in that way. That isn’t his job at all, I’ll definitely talk to him since I didn’t have the full story before. He gets very worried about the media perception thing, especially right now with the album.”

She bites the inside of her cheek, blinking up at Harry. “I know your image is important, too, otherwise why the fuck would I be here? Right? I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal I borrowed the jacket.”

“In a perfect world my image wouldn’t matter at all,” Harry sighed, “Fame is a stupid, fickle thing musicians like me get stuck with.”

“Please, you love the attention,” she teases, poking at his chest. The sweatshirt he wore wrinkling under her touch.

“‘M serious,” he insists, “I’m saying it shouldn’t matter that you borrowed my jacket, but sadly it comes across to the rest of the world like I’m dating you.” He pokes her sternum in return.

“And that would be the end of the world?” she smiles, her tone still teasing, but that worry is back and swimming in her eyes again.

This time, though, Harry must not see it because he laughs and lets go of her hand. “For a lot of people, I think it might be.”

She bites at her lip and tries to contain the laugh that bubbles in her. He was right and as he wandered back into the kitchen for more coffee, she shook her head trying to rid herself of those pesky feelings that had been hoping for a different answer.

The next few weeks go off without a hitch. Harry’s outfits look incredible for the listening parties. Then for the Graham Norton Show, the Jingle Bell Ball, and the One Night Only at the Forum. Every single outfit is received with praise and everything seems to be coming up Harry Styles. Y/N has been traveling to most of his appearances, making sure everything is in order before he goes out. She’s always by his side before he walks out into the public eye. Taking his picture and saving it in the lookbook that keeps growing, smoothing over his lapels, either unbuttoning or buttoning a middle button when she thought he had too many or not enough undone for the look. Whatever it was, she was there for him.

Then, after his appearances, they would debrief. Debriefs really were just time that Harry carved out in his schedule to just be alone with Y/N. Sure, they talked about clothes, that’s how they had first connected, but it always turned to other ideas. They’d talk about his songs and she’d ask about the meanings that he wouldn’t share with the rest of the world. He’d happily tell her about it and they enjoyed that time together. There were stolen glances and lingering touches, but at the end of the day they were professionals who were friends. It wasn’t maybe what either of them wanted, but they weren’t unhappy.

Harry just got back from Los Angeles after filming for his Ellen show appearance and he was set to play the Bowery Ballroom tomorrow in London. After this there was going to be a lot of downtime on Harry’s schedule because of the holidays. He had marked out almost a whole month of time off, at least from appearances. They still had to start planning tour outfits and finalize the outfits for the events after the break. Right now, all she was focused on was getting Harry into the beautiful yellow Gucci suit that was a twin of the Watermelon Sugar suit he had worn on Saturday Night Live. Harry said he wanted to check the suit before tomorrow for some reason, so Y/N had made her way over.

She finished buttoning the sleeves of the jacket and stepped back to admire Harry once again. No matter what he wore he always looked marvelous in her eyes. She’d argue anyone could say that about Harry though. He could pull anything off and make it his own with barely any effort.

Today, his hair was disheveled and mused from his plane ride back into London. The flight from California to England was a rough one, even when you traveled in the type of luxury Harry did. Despite his tired body and eyes, the suit looked stunning on him. He wore it without shoes and she giggled when she saw his feet. His feet tattoos never failed to make her laugh and she had no explanation for why.

While Harry looked good in everything, there actually was something a little off with the suit right now. Normally, it hugged him just right to make him look perfectly muscled and defined, but it seemed to be hanging a little looser in some areas.

She tapped a finger to her lip, looking him over, unsure of what was off.

“Did you lose weight, H?”

“Huh?” He looks down at himself and somewhat notices the looser fit, but wasn’t quite sure if he had lost weight. “Don’t think so.”

She hums and steps closer to him, dropping her hands to tug at various parts of the suit, trying to figure out whether she should take anything in or leave it be.

“It’s probably all the travel I’ve been doin’. Can be draining me more than I realize.” He ponders as she continues to work silently over the suit.

Her hands travel beneath the suit and encircle his waist, almost as if she’s hugging him, but not really. His stomach flexes at the contact, her chest pressed softly against his. She grips a bit of the shirt from the back and then unfolds herself from him to look at the mirror. The shirt is now taut against his sternum and pectorals under the coat. She tilts her head, silently asking him his opinion.

“I think it’s fine the way it is, honestly.”

“Okay,” she nods and releases her hold on the shirt, hand slithering out from beneath his coat. He exhales deeply through his nose. “Make sure you eat properly tonight.” She says before beginning to pack up her things, done for the day. Harry begins to undress himself.

She turns back to face him as he hands her the jacket and shirt, her eyes run over the length of his torso, both for the sake of checking on his health and for other purely selfish reasons. All the tattoos still remained where they always were when she saw him like this. It never got old, his beautiful body. He didn’t even need clothes to look good. She blinks back to reality when the fabric comes in contact with her hand.

“Make sure you treat yourself this holiday season, you deserve it, H. And it seems like any weight you ever gain is muscle anyways, so you don’t exactly have to worry around the sweets table.”

Harry laughs heartily as he slips on his long sleeve shirt he was wearing. Then he starts on the pants as she turns away again to hang up the top parts of the suit.

Finally, she adds when he hands her the suit pants, “Just don’t want you overworking yourself, seriously, H.”

He looks at her as he buttons up his baggy blue jeans. The outfit he wore was just the first clean things he had grabbed when he had gotten home. His green eyes turn serious after the mirthfilled last few moments.

He crosses to her side as she puts away the clothes in the garment bag. His hand lands softly on her shoulder and she turns to him at his touch. “I know. You’re so good to me, darling. Always making sure I’m taking care of myself…”

It’s quiet. The soft breeze in the London air outside barely whispers around the house. Harry’s voice was laced with love, even if it wasn’t his intention. His ‘thank you’ was piercing into her heart and his touch wasn’t helping her stay focused. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt Harry take a step closer to her, his head ducking slightly down to her level. Then, right on the edge of her left temple and her hairline, his soft lips pressed against her skin. They brushed against her for just a moment, lingering for the respectful amount of time. But all she wanted was anything but respectful. She wanted his lips pressed against hers, she wanted his hands in her hair, yanking her deeply into him. She wanted to scream when he pulled away, but she didn’t. She smiled warmly up at Harry and her eyelashes fluttered on their own accord like a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Thank you,” he whispers again.

“What would you do without me?” She pushes at him playfully, shaking off her giddiness. Then she turns back to her work, scooping up all the items of hers on the table.

“Probably have to walk around naked, huh?”

“Oh my god!” She laughs and starts for the door, Harry follows behind to walk to her out to her car. “Maybe I should quit! People would love it.” She continues laughing as she hangs the garment in the passenger's seat side.

“No thank you, please,” Harry hurriedly says.

She turns to him as she closes the door and leans against the car. This was their routine right before she left, a final chat against the car before she drove off for the night.

“Tomorrow’s going to be amazing, H. It’s gonna be electric!” She scrunches her nose slightly at the pun about the venue as she smiles up at him.

He sticks his tongue into the side of his cheek, holding back a laugh. His eyes narrow at her, slyly. “Very funny.”

She only winks at him before pushing herself off of her car and walks to the driver’s side of the car.

He waves as she begins to pull out of the driveway and she flashes him a peace sign and a mouthed ‘Bye’ when she turns onto the street.

After the Bowery Ballroom show, Y/N barely sees Harry at the after party. She doesn’t worry about it too much. His management was going to have a holiday party next week before the little break began for the team. So, she knew she’d see him before she flew back to see her family for the holidays. She was going home for two weeks and then would be back for New Year’s and then would get back to work after that.

She saw Harry exactly twice after the show. First, she saw Harry right after the show and he was all sweaty and exhilarated. He tackled her in a bear hug with such strength she would have fallen back if he hadn’t been holding her so tightly. When he pulled away, he placed two extremely slobbery kisses on her cheeks and she laughed, tipping her head back in pure bliss. Then he was pulled away by Jeff to change and get ready for the after party.

Jeff had apologized over text about the tone he had taken over the whole jacket thing, but only Harry had told him to. It was fine with Y/N, she told him that too, but she just never felt like being around him for very long if she could help it after that. That’s why she liked that most of her job entailed dealing with Harry directly. If she had to go through Jeff for everything she’d likely pull her hair out. He was still short with her at whole team meetings and not necessarily courteous when they were around each other casually. Like she said, it was fine, she just didn’t make it her business to be around Jeff.

The second time she saw Harry was around half past one am. She was pretty sure it was time for her to uber home and she wanted to say goodbye to Harry. Her well-liquored body stumbled around the big room. Deciding to take shots with the band had gotten her to where she was now and she wasn’t complaining she was happy. She was in a celebratory mood and wanted to see Harry right now. Tell him how much fun she had and how proud she was of him. How much she loved him… Hopefully she kept that part to herself.

“Harry!” She finally exclaims, coming upon a group of people surrounding the star himself. She ignored the rest of the people, likely stars too, but she really couldn’t care less. One of them tried to straighten up as if he was going to block her from Harry, feeling like she maybe wasn’t someone Harry wanted to see since they didn’t know her. No one seemed to ever recognize Y/N as Harry’s stylist when it mattered. Harry waved them off, a little drunk as well, but obviously recognizing Y/N.

“Darling!” He exclaims and raises his arms out to her. She grips onto him quickly and snuggles into him happily. With her still in his arms, he turns them from the prying eyes of the group he had been with.

She raises her head from his warm chest so that her lips are near his ear, “Congratulations, Mr. Styles.”

“Thanks, baby,” he purrs into her ear, his voice coarse and low, carrying over the music. She giggles at the nickname, her entire plan going out the metaphorical window.

Her fingers smooth up over the fabric on his chest, a nice short sleeve silk button down that was tucked into dark high waisted trousers - they’d picked it out last week. One of her fingers begins to trace around his collarbone after she reaches the opening of the shirt. His eyes flutter shut at the contact. They were so needy for each other. Each touch would coarse heat through them every time.

“I’m going…” She says after a moment of silence between them. The party was raging around them, most not paying any mind to the two of them off in their own world.

“Don’t go,” Harry practically begs. A hand flies up to pet over the top of her hair and she smiles even wider.

“It’s late and I’m tired,” she makes a face in response to Harry’s pout, “You have lots of people to entertain, Mr. Styles.” Her teeth capture her bottom lip as she stares at him intently.

He groans and pulls her closer. This time his lips brush right against her ear and she wants to shiver, but he keeps her in place. “If you keep calling me that, you’re gonna drive me insane.”

Her eyes widen but her hazy mind isn’t processing all of what is going on. She barely takes inventory of ‘baby’, for him to say she’s turning him on without actually saying it. Tomorrow Y/N would have to deal with that one.

She pulls back from him, creating space between their chests, but he still holds her waist close to him. She leans up and places a kiss on the corner of his lips. It’s technically supposed to be a kiss on the cheek but if she had moved her lips a millimeter to the right they would have been on Harry’s. This gesture has his grip tightening on her, but she pulls away.

“Goodnight!” She sings as she bounces out of sight, wiggling her fingers in a wave before completely being gone.

Harry sighs and runs a hand over his face, kind of in shock of the last five minutes. He had liked it. He just hadn’t expected it. When he turns his attention back to the group that was behind him, it’s not the same as it was before. Jeff looks at him with narrowed eyes and Harry’s eyes go wide and his grin widens as well.

Tonight is the management holiday party for Harry’s team. Y/N and Harry had seen each other two days after the Electric Ballroom to debrief, but mostly to get brunch. They didn’t talk about the little teases they shared at the after party. Both of them just assumed that the other probably didn’t remember and didn’t want to go through the trouble and embarrassment of recounting it. Alcohol has that effect of making you a little bolder than you actually are.

Brunch with Harry solidified Y/N’s thoughts on fame. Celebrity could be so strange, because there was the one day when she got photographed with just Harry’s jacket on and there was speculation of dating, but then she could go out to brunch with him and not be bothered at all. It made absolutely no sense.

Anyway, tonight there were no gifts, but Y/N had gotten Harry something even though he said he never needs anything. She hoped she’d be able to give it to him after they were walking back to their transportation since she wanted it to be a surprise and not have everyone know she gave him a gift. It wasn’t a big deal - or maybe it was - it was just an item she knew Harry had been fawning over. It was so him and she knew he’d probably end up buying it for himself eventually, but it felt nice to be able to give him something for once. Price didn’t matter. Still, she was a little nervous and tucked and re-tucked it several times in the back seat of her car before heading inside.

It was a restaurant his management had rented out for their party. She gave her name and headed inside. The lighting was overly dimmed and it smelled like expensive alcohol and delicious food. It was everything an A-list singer deserved as a celebration. She never could fully grasp that the Harry she had gotten to know as her friend was also the same Harry that the entire world was infatuated with, for good reason. He was charming in the best way, terribly sincere, insanely talented, and all around a good human being. She knew that, it just surprised her that everyone else knew it too. There was just that disconnect for her that she shared him with the rest of the world.

Her high heeled heels brought her to the backroom of the restaurant. They managed to shimmer even in the dim light. She had gone for winter chic with a sequin and mesh white dress, that looked like fresh snow with a cream and blue swirling design on the under layer so that her undergarments weren’t showing through. It was like a modern ice princess look that was finished with her heels that had sparkles on the entire back of them. Her hair was down and her makeup a little more done up than usual. She used a light blue eyeshadow to imitate ice and added some rhinestones on the inner parts of her eyes. She may have watched a Euphoria-inspired makeup look tutorial on youtube and she wasn’t afraid to admit that.

The scene she came upon was what she expected. Lots of men in suits and a good amount of women in power suits too. The people in any interesting clothes were Harry and his band. Some of the business people’s partners were dressed up more but it all wasn’t too exciting. Plus, Harry’s famous friends group hadn’t shown up yet. Y/N hid her disappointment easily, not surprised about the lack of flavor she saw in the style. She just repeated the mantra her mother had always told her: “You can never be overdressed, only underdressed.” It stuck with her always and made her go for those bolder styles when she needed to.

Harry was there, sipping on a glass of water. She figured he might not want to get started on drinking so early in the evening. Tonight didn’t feel like a drinking night for her either. After the last big party, she had woken up with a massive hangover and a few memories that she wished she hadn’t made. She wasn’t planning on repeating that series of events.

As she goes to grab a glass of water on the large table, she gets a tap on her shoulder. She spins.

“Happy Holidays, darling!”

Her eyes widen and her smile immediately grows. Harry grins back at her, his mouth open in the perfect winning smile of his and his eyes twinkling with happiness.

“Happy Holidays to you too, Mr.-” She stops herself, remembering back to the last party, “H.” She finishes firmly after clearing her throat. Harry’s grin turns to a wicked knowing smirk.

“I’m happy you came! I know you’re not super connected to all of the groups here, Harry Lambert is around somewhere though and I know he’s been wanting to talk with you about clothes.”

Harry watches as her eyes shine even brighter when he mentions the other stylist. It was true, Y/N didn’t really mesh with any of the groups that worked around Harry. The stylist kind of stood alone in regards to where she fit into his life, not the business part, not the band part, not the crew, and not the other celebrities. Harry Lambert and other fashion people didn’t always come to these events so it was seldom that Y/N had her own people to talk to. Not that mingling was hard for her, he just knew she didn’t like to do that as much so whenever another stylist or designer was there he always made sure to introduce them - if they weren’t already acquainted.

“That’s amazing! I haven’t seen him in ages… I’ll have to get his opinion on how I’ve been doing.”

Harry licks his lips as he laughs a little at her comment. She looked beautiful tonight and he wanted to tell her.

“Harry. What the hell are you wearing?” Her eyes flash as she takes in his appearance.

He looks down at himself and then back at her confused. They hadn’t picked the outfit out, but he thought it looked nice.

“Obviously not the suit! On your head?”

“Oh. It’s a gift from Mitch and Sarah.” He pauses to reach up to play with the headband sat on top of his curls. “It’s mistletoe and it seems like you’re standing beneath it. You know what that means,” he toys with it as he wiggles his eyebrows.

She scoffs sarcastically, looking to the side for a means of escape, “No way.”

“C’mon! It’s tradition!” He steps forward playfully and she places a hand on his chest.

“You can kiss my cheek.” She says finally and Harry looks at her disapprovingly.

He wags a finger at her with his free hand, “You’re the one under the mistletoe, you have to kiss me.”

“Okay that’s definitely not how this works! Now you don’t get any kiss at all, you cheeky bastard.”

“Fine. But don’t come crying to me when you’re the one with coal in your stocking.”

“Haha.” Her eyes once again roll to the side as she pushes him back and he steps back like she actually had a strong push. Then they both actually laugh and she gives him a quick side hug with a whispered, “there”. Harry smiles down at her, but it falters slightly when she’s already pulling away. He wanted her at his side the entire night, but sadly that wasn’t reality.

She drags him around the restaurant in search of Harry Lambert since the party had started to grow and she needed his height to get her where she wanted to go. Maybe. Or maybe she just liked the way he held her hand to lead her through the crowd that was most definitely not dense enough for her to have to hold on to him to stay with him at all.

She sees more of Harry at this party. They have some good conversations about plans for the holidays and snickering about who was already too drunk even though it wasn’t even midnight. She can’t believe he keeps on the stupid headband all night, giving and receiving various types of kisses from every person he talks to. Some are kisses on the cheek, others are friendly smooches on the mouth. Thankfully all of them are those cute little pecks that friends always tend to share, otherwise Y/N might have had to excuse herself and leave early. Jealous little thing.

As the night dragged on, she began to question herself on that front. Why was she growing jealous when friends would kiss Harry. She could've kissed Harry. She practically did the other week. But now, after refusing him a mistletoe kiss and seeing everyone else do what she didn’t have the courage to do, she felt childish. Well, childish or not, she knew why she couldn’t kiss him. Kissing Harry wouldn’t be just a friend thing for her. It would mean a lot more and if it was just a friend thing for him she wouldn’t be sure if she could handle going on with their working relationship after. Her job was the most important thing in her life. Being a stylist, loving clothes, and working on personal designs for the future was her life. Giving up this prestigious of a job was out of the question. Maybe the idea of being with Harry had crossed her mind, but she didn’t know how it could ever be realistic. If they got together could she keep her job? Would she have to quit? And find a new one? There were too many unknowns for her to ever actually entertain it. That’s why they went to the edge so often, she always would back away and she was sure that if she didn’t, Harry would for her.

He knew her. He knew her passion, he watches it firsthand everyday they work together. Even when they’re not working he can see her mind forming different ideas just based off of the things she sees people wear on the streets. He watches her fingers fiddle over her phone, typing out notes for design ideas and screenshotting inspiration. So every time they went to the edge of changing their relationship, he knew he couldn’t push it because he never wanted to hurt her or her dreams in some way. She was too important to him to simply mess that up. Even if it hurt him.

So when Harry slides in the back of her car that night at 2 am because Y/N says she has something important to show him, he’s fully ready to stop their flirting from going any further. And when she tells him she needs to show him something, she has the most pure intentions when she pulls out the nicely wrapped box, its wrapping paper a swirling lavender pattern that’s really not festive at all, but she prefers it.

He looks between her and the box that she’s now placed in his lap. His green eyes flickering even in the darkness of the car, the city lights illuminating the backseat enough for them.

“You know I don’t need anything…” He fiddles with the skinny mesh ribbon neatly tied around the box.

She makes a little gesture, pushing him to open the present, “I know, but I also know you’ve been wanting this and you deserve it.”

He unwraps the paper to reveal a Gucci box and he rolls his eyes at her, but smiles genuinely as he lifts the top of the box off. It reveals a 1955 Horsebit Shoulder Bag in beautiful shiny black leather. It’s gorgeous.

“I can’t...I don’t know what to say,” Harry’s eyes are huge as his delicate hands ghost over the bag's details. He had been wanting it and he hadn’t gotten the courage to buy it yet. He liked purses, but sometimes he even had his doubts about what he could pull off.

His eyes go back to her and she smiles widely at him, all her teeth on display because she’s just that happy. “This is a really expensive bag, Y/N.”

“If it makes you feel better I can charge it as a wardrobe expense, but then it’s not really a gift from me,” She sighs at his unrelenting gaze.

“Thank you.” He touches at the bag again and then does a dance in his spot. “And don’t worry, I will always remember this as a gift from you. I love it.”

She smiles and leans over the box to look at the bag, admiring the beauty of it as well. “It’s pretty great.”

“Mhmm,” Harry hums and she raises her eyes, seeing his trained on her face. “You’re under the mistletoe again, darling,” he smirks.

Her breath stops once again, how could he do that to her so easily? Their eyes stay locked under the city lights. The fake mistletoe bobs above them still connected to the silly headband. It’s colorful leaves and fun stripes mock her when she flicks her gaze up to it for a moment. Then back to Harry. Harry who’s holding the gift she just gave him. Harry who looks beautiful tonight. Harry who is her favorite person in the world to spend time with.

Now. Now is when she pulls back from the ledge. This is when she takes a step back and stops herself. When Harry laughs it off. When she pushes him away. When they go about the rest of their day like that electricity hadn’t gone up either of their spines.

But that’s not what happens. Instead, she nods in agreement and then crashes her lips against Harry’s. It’s not like those friend kisses that had happened with him all night under that same mistletoe. It’s hard and hot and fast. Her lips are pressed to his for one searing moment and then she’s biting his lip, desperate to taste more of him. She had been longing for this for so long and now that she had it, she couldn’t let it go.

Harry’s hands fly to her cheeks as he pulls her closer, more into his lap. He pushes the box into the front area of the car blindly. The gift was completely forgotten. This was a far more important matter. Her lips were wet and plush and they tasted like the single Manhattan she had halfway through the night and vanilla lip gloss. When she bites his lip, he can’t hold back the moan inside his throat and she presses her tongue into his mouth quickly. He was her oasis and she had been traveling for months. He responds with similar vigor, enjoying the way her body presses to his in the backseat of this little car.

They kiss for as long as they can. Licking, sucking, and biting each other’s lips to taste as much as they can. But it’s just kissing. Neither of them work to travel anywhere else. Their lips are seemingly enough. Each press of their lips communicates what they had been longing for. It’s euphoric.

When the windows start to fog and her eyes open for a random moment, she realizes they need to cool whatever this is.

“H-Harry,” She gulps for a breath of air and she tries to get his attention. “I gotta get home.”

“Come back to my place,” he mumbles into her collarbone, happily licking over his love bite.

She laughs and swallows slowly, “That is definitely out of the question, I have a flight tomorrow.”

He removes his mouth from her and straightens up. His lips are even brighter pink than usual and perfectly puffy. His hair disheveled from her hands. She blushes at the thought.

“Right, forgot about that,” he opens the car door and they both slide out. They stand at her car, just like they usually did outside his house. However this time is quite different from most.

They sigh heavily, in unison. The winter air is cold in London. She shivers slightly and knows she can’t stay in his presence much longer.

“Merry Christmas, H.”

He leans down and places one last sweet kiss to her lips. She wrinkles her nose and smiles unabashedly.

“Merry Christmas, Darling.”

Harry and her don’t talk as much while she’s back home for the holidays. There’s no work to be discussed and while they parted on not necessarily bad terms, there was definitely a conversation that needed to be had between the two. Neither seemed to want to have that conversation over the phone, or worse, text. So for the next week and a half, Harry and Y/N exchanged texts of funny memes that reminded them of each other and odd anecdotes from family members that had made them laugh. Nothing really substantial, just small, I was thinking of you messages.

When she walked out of the luggage carousel at London Heathrow Airport, she expected to be getting in the queue for an uber. Instead, before she could cross the street to get to the queue even, a tall man stopped her. A tall, scruffy, extremely buff, extremely handsome, and extremely kissable man. Harry. It would be terribly strange if it was anyone else.

“Excuse me, ma’am, do you need a lift back to your flat?” His dark sunglasses cover his face and a big coat, scarf, and hat make him hardly recognizable. The curls sticking out from beneath the cute knit scarf are thankfully a dead give away for her. As well as his perfect drawling voice.

She shivered in the cold, her matching grey sweatpants and Treat People With Kindness sweatshirt had been warm enough on the flight, but proved inadequate for almost January in London. Yet, Harry’s presence brings a smile to her face.

“It’s good to see you, H.”

He laughs, his cover obviously blown. His arms encircle her body and she instantly melts into his embrace. His large coat easily fell around her and warmed her. His own natural body heat adds to her new found warmth as well.

“You too,” he murmured. His head buries into the crook of her neck, warming her cold skin.

He pulls back after a rather long embrace, realizing they’re still out on the sidewalk. He takes one step back and she visibly deflates at his absence, the cold once again surrounding her.

“Let’s get you home,” he grabs at the handle of her suitcase in one hand and her hand in the other. The warmth returns and she grins, placated by his touch.

“So are you coming to my party tonight?” He inquires once he settles into the driver’s seat after putting her suitcase in the back.

She shifts in her seat, arms wrapped tightly around herself, still cold without any warmth from Harry or the car. “Don’t you suppose there was a reason why I chose to come home today?”

Harry’s ears perk at the use of home, never assuming Y/N viewed London as her home, still it made him smile.

As the car purrs to life, heat immediately seeping out of the seats and vents, Harry’s phone connects as well. NFWMB by Hozier begins to play softly and she glances at Harry again. The song was so sultry and soft, like expensive dark chocolate melting on your tongue. The mood in the car seemed to shift. Their eyes met, Harry’s green ones narrowing at her, trying to decipher the look she was giving to him.

Then he drove off, softly singing along to the words through the sleepy streets. It was surprisingly quiet out for the holidays, people choosing to lay low during the day so they could celebrate the changing of decades in full force tonight.

After the song ends, his eyes travel over to her again and she’s already looking at him. She had missed his face. Sure, he’d sent some silly selfies while she was gone. Mostly on Christmas Eve with his family when he had gotten drunk on mulled wine and eggnog and brandy. Still, in person, he was even more beautiful. The high cheek bones that glistened with a shine most makeup could only hope to produce. Full raspberry lips with stubble growing to frame above and below. The crinkles growing on his forehead and by his eyes that showed him aging with grace. The precious few moles that had gotten lucky enough to live on his face forever. His big green eyes that were consistently bright with interest and intellect, but deep and knowing despite his loving demeanor. She loved those big green eyes, they were just so big and she didn’t understand how no one took the same interest in them as her. All of it, just sitting there beside her. Don’t even get her started on the soul that inhabited the beautiful man beside her. She never would stop spiraling then.

“What?” He asks softly, the sounds of Paul McCartney during some era fading in.

She blinks, hazily in admirance, “Nothing,” she replies.

“What?” He insists, laughing slightly, the lips she loves so much widening in excitement.

“Just missed you.”

Her voice is quiet but strong, serious. A blush creeps up his neck, taking hold of his features.

“Missed you too,” his left hand reaches across the console to take hold of her hand that resided on her thigh. He squeezes her hand softly and they both smile at each other again.

“Don’t worry, I can get my stuff upstairs. I don’t want you being out in the cold any longer than you have to. I’ll see you tonight, H!” She pushes her body across the console and places a kiss on his cheek before jumping out of the car. Harry makes a half smile, knowing he can’t change her mind. He waves to her behind the window as she travels into her building.

“See you.” He says to himself before driving back to his home to finish up preparing for tonight’s festivities. The party was going to be more intimate than the Christmas party at the restaurant. Tonight was just Harry’s family and closest friend - the band, Jeff and his family, Y/N, and a few others.

The whole night Harry and Y/N are within a foot of each other, if not on top of each other. He never leaves her side nor does she his. They are tethered to one another. The longest they’re apart is when Harry gets them refills of Champagne and Y/N journeys to the restroom. They laugh and catch up.

As the night goes on, Harry begins to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and she giggles and places her hand on his chest flirtily. Their interaction is a dance, bedroom eyes and low voices, lingering touches and suggestive lip bites.

When the countdown begins to grow closer, everyone refills their drinks and gathers in the center of Harry’s living room. They cheer and countdown to 2020. And of course, Y/N’s by Harry’s side as he begins the count. And when they get to ‘one’ and everyone’s saying “Happy New Year”, Harry and her are sharing a chaste peck to the lips that electrifies everything they had been saying to each other all night. She sighs into his mouth, but pulls away quickly, aware of their surroundings. No one particularly questions the kiss, either not paying attention or caring. Harry beams down at her and they enjoy the rest of the evening.

At around 1 am, the last of the guests stumble out of Harry’s homes and into waiting ubers and safe rides. Y/N lingers back, beginning to clean the discarded glassware and paper plates. Her and Harry are definitely tipsy, but they enjoy the cleaning work, making terrible jokes about New Year’s and commenting on what people wore tonight. When it’s relatively cleaned in the kitchen, Y/N wanders out to the living room and finds Harry reclined back on the couch.

“H,” She sticks out her foot and nudges him with her boot.

“C’mere,” he reaches out his hand to her, his coat discarded, leaving his arms bare with only a white tank top on.

She takes his hand hesitantly and is yanked on top of Harry in an instant. With a loud huff, she settles above him. “That wasn’t nice.”

“Shush,” his pointer finger goes over her lips, her eyes narrow at him, “Can you believe we’re seeing 2020?”

“Oh my god! I hate you!” She rolls her eyes at his pun and shakes herself from his hand around her waist. She stands up to walk away but he easily grasps her wrist and stops her, easily sitting himself up on the couch.

He looks at her and her annoyance, that wasn’t all too strong in the first place, dissipates. She sighs, “I should probably be heading home.”

“You should stay, it’s so late,” his hand rubbing over the skin on her wrist.

She bites her lip, contemplating the offer, he was right. “I’m really tired and we haven’t really talked, H.”

“But we-”

“Not about us. We’ve been skirting around it, flirting with each other all night, but we haven’t talked about what’s going on. I can’t stay if you expect something from me.”

“I don’t expect anything from you, Y/N. That’s not why I want you to say,” Harry says earnestly, realizing quickly what she’s saying. “I’ve never expected anything from you. An offer to stay is just an offer to stay.”

“Okay,” she finally smiles and sits down beside Harry.

“You can sleep in the guest bedroom, too. If that makes you more comfortable?”

“Oh...I don’t know if we have to take it that far. Plus, you’re like a personal heater and I get cold at night.”

Harry perks up, he had been feeling resigned that maybe she wasn't on the same page as him. He wanted to be with her all the time but also didn’t want to put any pressure on her. She just made him so happy.

“Great! Let’s get to bed then.” He pops up from the couch and brings her into his arms, “You know where all my clothes are, so you can just borrow whatever you want, and then I’m sure I have extra toothbrushes…”

She giggles into his side as she watches him ramble animatedly. Sometimes he was oh so bright, so joyful and carefree. A stark contrast from the quiet confidence he often exhibited for the public.

She woke up in the warm embrace of Harry. His whole bed smelled like him, vanilla mixed with spices of tobacco and sandalwood. It was delicious and she snuggled in deeper to the soft chest she laid against, breathing in his scent deeply.

They rested there for a long time. Harry makes his awakening known with a lingering kiss to her forehead. They both sigh in contentment, radiant in each other’s arms.

“What’s the plan today?” She ponders as Harry’s fingers trace patterns over her skin. He hums in thought.

“Wanna be with you…”

She laughs and looks up at him, “Me too, but we can’t lay around all day.”

“Well, we could.” Harry insists.

She laughs again and twists in his arms, settling so she’s facing him. She bites her lip as she thinks about something, scanning his face over and over.

“I’m gonna go home and get ready for the day. Let’s just explore the city and do some 2020 shopping. Who knows, maybe fashion’s changed since the last decade,” she grins.

Harry chuckles a little and pets at her hair, “I like the sound of that. And we can talk - about us.”

“Mmhmm.”

He tilts his head forward and meets her lips once again, savoring her taste. Each kiss makes him want more. She was good.

Harry lugs in the four heavy shopping bags into her flat, as she carries the single small bag from the chocolatier he had dragged them into. He presses her to the counter when he sets down the bags and begins to kiss her face all over. She giggles and places her hands on his shoulders, giving him a kiss to the lips before pulling away.

They had talked about what they wanted, what they saw in each other and how that fit into their work relationship and the rest of their lives. Harry would have to talk to Jeff, but more so as a by the way this is what I’m doing with my life, not an ask for permission. Y/N would continue as his stylist until the end of the tour cycle, but afterwards she’d go back to freelancing. They wanted to try to date and be as normal as possible. She told him how she didn’t love the fame or the celebrities. Sure she dealt with those things for work, but when they were off duty, she wanted to be regular. She wanted to go out on dates and make dinner on weekend nights. Harry had agreed, he wanted those things too and he understood her wish to keep work and their relationship separate. However, he’d made her concede to allowing kisses during work hours. She had laughed and said it was an easy term to agree to.

It was going to be a good thing. They were both giddy with excitement, the new year, and all the new things they had bought on their relationship high.

“Oh!” She pushed Harry further away from her and hurried into her room. He laughed and looked confusedly after her. “Wait there!” She called. Harry leaned against the back of her upholstered chair.

“Close your eyes!” She says before coming back into the room. Harry’s hands go over his eyes easily as he grins blindly in her direction.

“‘M waiting…”

“Open.”

Harry’s hands slip away and his green eyes blink open. In front of him stands Y/N holding up a hand knit brown sweater vest with horizontal red, cream and blue thin stripes along with the thicker brown stripes. Harry beams, reaching his hands out to take hold of it.

“It was supposed to be a surprise for later, but I found it at this vintage place while I was home and I couldn’t wait any longer to show it to you.”

“Darling, this is gorgeous. I love it! But you shouldn’t have...”

“I thought you could wear it for Lizzo’s concert. I know you said you liked the other sweater vest, but this one is so-”

“You spoil me, seriously.” He cuts her off and laughs before pulling her back into him. Their lips collide in a searing kiss, Harry’s excitement over the new garment making him eager to show her how much he really loved it.

A small sigh escapes her lips as Harry presses into her. His tongue pushing into her mouth in a way that turns the sigh into a moan.

“Let me show you just how much I love it,” He murmurs against her lips, casting the garment onto the back of the chair he had previously been leaning on.

She smiles, eyes fluttering open and meeting his with adoration swelling in their depths. Then she allows him to back their intertwined bodies into her room.

Some apartment in New York a few months later:

“I knew it!”

“Huh?” Aidy lifts her head from the skit she was working on to look at her friend and coworker.

“That stylist...for Harry Styles,” Heidi shifts, sitting up and turning her phone to face Aidy, “She was seen out with him, getting lunch in London and then making out on a street corner. I bet they were dating back in November when he was on the show!”

Aidy laughs, thinking back to her conversation with the stylist that night of Harry’s show. The girl had been so in love that night and Harry had been smitten all week, describing her in the best way, praising her every decision, yearning for her even. And now they were actually together...she was happy for them.

“I don’t know about that...but they were head over Gucci heels for each other that’s for sure.”

Heidi and her scroll through the pictures on social media of the singer and his girlfriend.

“They probably are the best dressed couple I have ever seen,” Heidi grumbles.

“Now that is definitely accurate.”

taglist: @meredithhuntt @sovereigndeadlyperfect @marauderswhisperer @toribentleyva @girlboss99 @harryssunflxwer @loverofaccents @stephaniemalvie @mk15x @beanholland @stfxlou @loliismutt @pinkisawesome101 @stilljosiegrossie @kikisparadise18 @clementimee

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shot #harry styles oneshot #harrys stylist right?#harry styles x y/n

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smallblip · 3 years

Text

You asked, I deliver! Part II of Accidental baby acquisition💖 I lost one of the asks 😩 but anon who asked about baby Udo, I named the baby in your honour! Saddle up cowboys! I’m not good with sequels but here we are-

Babygate:

the scandal that implies that a certain boy band member cheated on his partner (another band member) and had a kid even when the mom was never pregnant.

- urban dictionary

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. Life is definitely picking up. Pieck still sends him excerpts of her dirty fanfiction to proofread, Bertholdt is still doing all he can to “retire at 30”, Annie might have eloped with said boyfriend. But he’s seeing Porco on the regular now, he’s really cute, he’s got a nice ass. Reiner can’t complain.

He’s also recently donated his Levi Ackerman standee. Only because it’s getting increasingly hard to reconcile the fact that he has a life sized cutout of his colleague’s boyfriend in his room.

What he can complain about is said colleague (and friend) dropping bombs on him. He’s one of the moderators of one of the bigger No Name servers. Sometimes he wonders if that’s a conflict of interest because, well, he knows the guy on a first name basis. But today he has other concerns. He sees his notifications blowing up and decides to go on the No Name server. And lo and behold. There’s a paparazzi shot of Levi and Hanji with a stroller taking a walk in a new channel called “MYSTERY FAMILY?”.

He cancels his plans with Porco. “Don’t text me for the next few hours, got a fire to fight.” He clicks send, and feels kinda bad, so he sends Porco really dank meme to appease him. (That doesn’t stop Porco from doing exactly what Reiner told him not to do and demanding an explanation every five minutes).

He forces himself to take a deep breath before texting Hanji-

“Hanji… I don’t mean to be rude but…

WHAT THE FUCK?”

—

So here begins babygate. A conspiracy theory that took the Internet by storm.

“Levi Ackerman had a secret marriage! He was keeping this from us from the start!”

“It’s a publicity stunt to keep No Name relevant during their hiatus!”

“It’s an elaborate scheme by the company to punish Levi for announcing the hiatus without their knowledge!”

“Levi’s mystery partner was sent by the lizard people to take control of his mind and produce half-lizard, half-human hybrid babies to take over the world! What a bitch!” (This is Hanji’s favourite).

And the internet’s favourite- this is all an elaborate scheme to cover up the scandalous love affair between Levi and Eren- the band’s guitarist.

“What the fuck?” Levi had said during dinner once, to which Reiner had to swallow his food and pretend he never read or actively looked up ereri content. Yes. Reiner knows the name of their ship.

Levi hadn’t been too worried before, but when pictures of them shopping for baby stuff leaked online, something snaps. Something snaps and Erwin tells him he needs more time to figure out the biggest PR crisis in No Name history.

It’s Levi. Levi is the PR crisis.

So in the meantime, no shock reveals, no more social media, (if possible) no more leaving the house with pregnant girlfriend in tow. “Don’t do ANYTHING.” Erwin had said, “especially not you!” Erwin had directed that at Eren, who suggested he makes an announcement. Erwin shudders. He remembers all the past scandals they got themselves into just because Eren, bless him, didn’t know when to shut up.

“I’m sorry…” Levi says to Hanji when they’re cuddled up on the couch watching a documentary on whale migration.

“Huh?” Hanji says, voice muffled through her incessant sniffling because “whales are delivered tail first, Levi! They wear their mothers like hats!”

He apologises for putting her through the mess that is him and his job. And Hanji smiles at him. He wonders if their kid will look like her. He’s hoping they would.

“Levi…” Hanji sighs, taking his face in her hands, “that night at the bar I thought to myself ‘this man has a face I would risk it all for’… I think this counts within the realms of ‘all’”

Levi scoffs, but a smile is threatening the corners of his lips. Erwin’s nagging over the phone fades a little and he sinks a little lower into the couch. He sighs one more time for good measure before saying-

“So… you wanna know which my favourite babygate theory is?”

—

“And you’re really not bothered by all this?” Reiner asks, in an emergency meeting that he had scheduled into her calendar. He hates that he’s packing things into her already busy schedule when she’s about to pop but, he figures it’s better now than when the baby’s actually out. He had booked a meeting room and everything, figuring if he projected some of the crazy shit they’re saying on the fan boards up on screen, Hanji would start taking this seriously. Because if Reiner knows anything, it’s that the fans will do anything to keep their ship afloat.

He scrolls past another post on the lizard people and Hanji gets him to pause.

“I mean… A little?” Hanji pinches her fingers together.

“Hanji…” Reiner sighs, “you and Levi discuss and rate babygate conspiracy theories you find online I don’t think you’re taking this seriously at all…”

Hanji looks at Reiner- an absolute state of panic. And she considers panicking for a moment. She’s read articles dissecting babygate and although they’re absolutely batshit, Hanji appreciates how well-researched they are. Which is a little scary. To be fair to Levi, he’s been trying to get her to worry. “I can’t keep you safe all the time, you have to be careful” like he’s going off to war somewhere. But it’s not in Hanji nature to worry about things like this. She’s a researcher at a lab who lived an ordinary life up until the point the universe hit her with a-

Sike! Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy! What are you gonna do about it?

And now she knows what headcanons and lemons are, and she really doesn’t know what to do with that knowledge. So Hanji decides, she’ll do nothing. She’ll go on indulgently long walks Levi in tow, she’ll talk his ear off about work. And like a good girlfriend, she’ll listen to his demos (and enjoy them) and tell him “are you sure anger rhymes with danger?”.

“I don’t really know how to worry about anything beyond our samples getting contaminated…” Hanji says, sheepish. Reiner sighs. He doesn’t want to be a wet blanket on Hanji’s life. He wants to be fun Reiner. Cool as a cucumber. Reiner who manages to make it through dinner at Hanji’s without having to excuse himself to hyperventilate in her bathroom because Levi is right there. And he’s so afraid that he might just be able to read his mind and find out he had looked up Levi Ackerman x y/n fanfiction once in his foolish youth (youth being approximately four months back)

Reiner shudders.

“Yeah okay… That’s um… That’s cool… Right?” He says.

Hanji shrugs.

—

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what?

You go into labour of course, with a matter of fact- “oh. Look Levi. The water broke.” All while refusing to leave the house until you demolish that amazing sandwich he made for you. You go into labour and you yell and grunt like a beast as you squeeze the life out of your baby daddy because he kinda deserves it. You both kinda deserve this pain. Take it as heavenly punishment for being horny and stupid if you will.

And in the middle of it Hanji thinks huh, this feels like a mix of a reality TV show from MTV and a badly written fanfiction. Except Hanji isn’t a teen mom and she’s too old for self-insert fiction that involves a lead singer of a popular band.

But Levi is here, and he doesn’t complain one bit even though he looks like he’s about to pass out. So as far as drunken one night stands go- this is pretty damn aspirational.

The baby enters the world with a huge cry.

“Kid’s got a huge set of lungs…” Levi says, but his own voice is quivering.

“Just like her dad…” Hanji smiles.

As he watches Hanji fall asleep with their baby on her chest, Levi thinks fuck it. Fuck keeping this under wraps. Fuck the fans and them enjoying how Eren gets on his nerves. Fuck Erwin and his “Levi. You’re giving me a headache. You are the cause of this headache.” Because the baby has Hanji’s nose and his eyes and he loves them more than anything in the world.

He snaps a picture of them and tags bigdaddyzoë-

“Welcome to the world, my love.”

—

Reiner can’t help the tears that well in his eyes after seeing the picture Hanji had sent him of the baby-

“He says hi to his favourite uncle!” Was the caption, and Reiner could only reply with a crying cat meme and an incoherent text that Hanji favourites.

He’s on the bus on the way to the hospital when his phone buzzes incessantly. It’s Porco.

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK.”

“LEVI ACKERMAN IS HANJI ZOË’S BABY DADDY?”

“HANJI ZOË MY PHD SUPERVISOR?”

“LEVI ACKERMAN OF NO NAME?”

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK?”

He sends a reply at the entrance of the hospital-

“Welcome to my world”

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. He’s one of the moderator of one of the bigger No Name servers, so he can block and remove people at his discretion. Some days he lets it get to his head. It makes him feel like a king. But today, he’s putting out fires.

Erwin decided their PR strategy was absolutely no strategy, because “they’re zooming in on the pixels Levi. Once they doubt the pixels, they won’t believe anything we’re saying”. With that. Babygate has officially taken on a life of its own. Eren still sends Levi babygate articles to annoy him, and to Hanji because she asked very nicely. Hanji thinks Erwin’s strategy makes sense, Levi thinks it’s just lazy. But Erwin framed a certificate that says “survived a PR crisis (sort of)” that Hanji had insisted be hung up on their wall, so that closes one chapter. Besides, Eren has been spotted going out on dates with a mystery girl. Which has the double effect of diverting attention away from Levi and exacerbating babygate because “see? Told you the company’s doing all they can to prove they’re not together!”

“Can’t you keep it in your pants?” Levi had thrown at Eren, to which he had responded cleverly with a-

“Could’ve said the same for you!”

Touché…

“See? That can’t be Levi! Look at how he’s smiling!”

“That can’t be a baby! Looks like an animatronic to me!”

“Do they even make animatronics that realistic?”

Reiner pins his “no slander” rule- one day they’ll get it. Or at least he would’ve gotten rid of all the people that don’t.

“Who’s this bigdaddyzoë anyway?”

“Maybe she isn’t real? Company probably invented her…”

“Heard she’s a crazy groupie who got knocked up…”

“Heard she’s hot…”

… several people are typing

—

“So… I heard from Reiner you were defending my honour in the server?” Hanji quirks an eyebrow.

Levi shrugs. Whatever goes down in the server stays between Leviackerman173810 (leviackerman and all 173809 permutations of said username had already been taken) and the hundreds of people who haven’t quite figured out he’s the real deal. Besides, Erwin has issued him three warnings so it’s best to lay low for now.

“My hero…” Hanji chuckles, pressing a kiss on Levi’s head. Below them, baby Udo wriggles and yawns against the fabric of Levi’s shirt. Cute.

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what? You look at your son and know he’s going to break hearts like his father of course. And if you’re Levi, you pray to god he never asks about babygate because Hanji has read up enough about it to be considered a connoisseur.

One day the internet will break when they find out the identity of bigdaddyzöe. But for now baby Udo has his parents wrapped around his tiny fingers and he doesn’t quite understand the concept of him being the spawn of every typical band member x y/n fanfiction. Or the centre of a very popular, very absurd, yet strangely believable internet conspiracy theory. Or the canon plot that has sunk one of the biggest No Name ships. And that’s okay.

#babygate was a 1D conspiracy theory #levihan #whoopwhoop!#levi x hange #levi x Hanji #Drabble #inbox #anon #mine #again Pieck is me #un beta-Ed I’m sure it’s full of mistakes #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #hange Zoë #celebrity au

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hes-writer · 3 years

Text

deja vu

Summary: part two of drivers license!

Warning: angst

Word Count: 1643 words

let me know if you liked it!

_____

If this was a movie, Y/N would’ve collapsed on the floor, knees hitting the ground as her legs lost the ability to keep her weight up. The corners of her lips would tilt downwards as a fusion of sadness and nostalgia bombarded her at every corner. Tears would collect at her waterline, waiting for the remarkable blink that would send each drop of salty liquid down the apples of her cheeks. Y/N imagined she would call Harry on her phone and scream at him as soon as the click sounded, signalling that he had picked up the call.

Yet as seconds passed by, none of those theatrical episodes happened. Unlike in the movies, Y/N’s physical reactions were minuscule. Her heart ached in her chest. Her throat scrunched like a wad of tissue papers in her hand, drying up with shock and the shallow inhales she let out. The swirling of her stomach increased tenfold as she teetered between feelings of anger and indifference. This should not affect her anymore--or should it? It had barely been a few months since she last saw him and a little bit after when the first photos of Harry and his girlfriend went viral on the internet.

Everyone, especially him, seemed to move on from the relationship that they had shared. Y/N felt like she needed to catch up to him, racing to throw away the feelings she still held for him and to pretend as though nothing happened. But it was easier said than done. There were still endless memories that replayed through her head every time she passed by an ice cream shop. It was a hidden gem, past the popular hot spots. Not a lot of people knew about it because of its distanced location. And as much as Harry was a certified health nut; his guilty pleasure was a scoop of strawberry ice cream--in a cup instead of a waffle cone, of course.

Y/N still remembered those drives-turned-beach-trips. It was mostly during his days off. She and Harry would spend the whole day together, sharing one spoon amongst each other while they passed the cup of ice cream back and forth. The sound of the ocean encompassed them as they lay hidden around an alcove of rocks. It was a secluded area of the beach that Y/N had found way before. The sand was grainy beneath the layer of a checkered picnic blanket that Harry kept at the trunk of his car, their bodies laying on top of it. Eventually, Harry would proceed to just spoon-feed her, ‘accidentally’ nudging her nose with the cold treat.

Y/N could feel her shoulders slump at the flashback, body sagging as she sighed at what her phone screen was reflecting back to her. It was her Instagram feed showcasing Harry’s profile. A picture of a haunting landscape was captured by his phone lens; it was the very same beach spot that she had taken him to. Deja vu.

She bit her lip, wanting to smile about how he still visited it even without her. It showed that Harry still kept a memory of her at the back of his mind. Y/N’s heart fluttered at the thought, a sliver of hope shining through the dimness of her days. But it was impossible to keep an optimistic stance when she saw the caption. A simple tag of his new girlfriend’s Instagram handle puckered her lips into a sour expression, brows pinching together in curiosity as Y/N continuously denied the obvious constituent of events.

“There’s no way,” She muttered, breath hitching as Y/N’s thumb hesitated on tapping the bolded font.

There was absolutely no way that Harry would bring someone else in such a coveted spot. It was hers; she found it first and now he was acting as though it did not hold any meaning to her. Not like Y/N didn’t spend the last few days laying on his lap, watching the sunset over the horizon. Harry’s fingers would comb through her tendrils, tucking his jacket tighter around her chin to ensure that she was warm despite him being covered in goosebumps himself. Y/N would look up to see the beginning stubbles of his facial hair as Harry looked ahead, his green eyes mirroring the artistic hues of orange, pink and purple.

“What’s up, Y/N?” Jenny asked, returning from her short trek to Y/N’s small kitchen. One hand was carrying a large bowl of chips while the other held two cans of soda.

Y/N stared at her friend with hesitance. Was it worth bringing it up? She must be sick of her talking about him all the time.

“He brought her to our place,”

It was harder to hear it out loud. She didn’t even recognize her own voice; void of emotion except for a strained sound of pain.

Jenny tilted her head to the side, “Who did?”

“Harry. . .” Y/N cleared her throat before continuing, “There was this place I found in Malibu. At a beach. It’s pretty hidden and I used to go there by myself whenever I needed to think. I took him there. It was our place, you know? Somewhere only the two of us knew and I don’t know,” She trailed off.

“You thought he would keep it between you guys,” Jenny finished off, nodding her head in empathic comprehension.

“Yeah, it just sucks,” Y/N furrowed her brows, staring at the space in front of her as she took in the gravity of the situation. “He even took her to D’Campos,”

“The ice-cream shop?”

She nodded, “It was on her Instagram story today,”

“Forget about him, Y/N. He doesn’t deserve your tears,”

“I’m not even crying,” She chuckled, slapping Jenny’s arm jokingly.

“You look like you’re about to,”

Y/N sighed, “It hurts. Feels like he’s everywhere. Just when I thought I was moving on, he pulls shit like this and I’m forced to remember how good it was between us, you know? I haven’t driven past D’Campos or anywhere else that I might see him because it hurts too much to reminisce what I don’t have anymore.”

It was ridiculous how much Y/N has had to change her routine in order not to feel any more pain. She actively avoided places where Harry frequented in fear of confrontation and also because he might be with his girlfriend. She didn’t know how she could stay stoic seeing their hands clasped together, gazing at each other lovingly when Y/N wanted that from him for herself.

“You’re doing just fine, honey. Do you know who can’t move on? Him.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s doing fine,” Y/N said sarcastically, resting her back on the couch. “Better, even.”

“Uh, I don’t think so,” Jenny argued, “Out of the two of you, who’s the one always going to the places you shared?”

Y/N opened her mouth to answer but a swift hand in the air caused her to halt.

“It’s him, right?” Jenny answered rhetorically. “I do not care what you say; that man misses you and it shows. Harry’s going to where he expects you to be, probably in hopes of running into you. Maybe even because he wants to relive the moments you shared together with her in hopes of him feeling the same way he felt like when he did with you,”

“T-that’s insane. He’s fine without me,” Y/N stuttered out, crossing her arms over her chest in defiance.

“First of all, you are in denial. Secondly, you cannot tell me that he doesn’t. He’s practically doing everything you guys used to do with this new girl. Why? Because he fucking misses you, Y/N. Hell, you’ve even got the same name.”

“It’s just a coincidence,”

“My ass,” Jenny scoffs, “Answer me something, do you still remember how it felt being there with him?”

Y/N nodded, “Always,”

“Describe it to me,”

Y/N squinted her eyes in suspicion. Where was Jenny going with this?

“Uh, as cheesy as it sounds, I felt happy and free. I could talk about anything without being judged. He had a way of making me feel comfortable without even saying anything. When we were together--wherever we were--I could be vulnerable about myself in front of him,”

“Would you do whatever it takes to feel that same way again?”

In a heartbeat, Y/N stated, “Without a doubt.”

“Tell me, if Harry asked you to meet him there right now, would you go?”

Y/N’s breath hitched as she took a moment to process the question. She had just said that she would do whatever it takes to feel the same unconfined emotion again. So why was she saying ‘no’?

“I-I wouldn’t,”

“Exactly,” Jenny concluded with a quirk of her brow.

“You’re gonna have to explain,”

“Gladly,” Her friend quipped. “You want to feel liberated, vulnerable, and honest again but not necessarily with Harry. That place meant a lot to you--sure. But it doesn’t matter. What counts is who you are with. Who’s giving you that type of comfortability that you’re able to be just yourself around them. Do you understand?”

Y/N leaned forward in interest.

“You are well aware of that but you won’t accept it. You won’t go with him because you know that it won’t be the same anymore. That’s the first step of moving on. Once you acknowledge that as much as you miss him, as much as you think you want him to be around, you know better than that. He’s changed and so have you. He’s searching for that same feeling by going back to the places that you used to go to. Thinks he will find it there but--,”

“He won’t.” Y/N finished off. “Because she is not me,”

___

#harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles angst #deja vu #sour #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfic

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personasintro · 3 years

Text

our tiny christmas | ksj

𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 | Our Tiny Christmas

✱⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; this year's christmas proves to you that even though they're tiny, there's something special about your tiny and maybe not completely perfect family.

✱⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader

✱⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff, tiny angst, parents au

✱⏤𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 5.5k+

✱⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: none

✱𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙✱

⏤𝒂/𝒏: Merry Christmas luvs! I hope you've enjoyed seeing these two again!!

Christmas should be a holiday full of love, calm and nice energy with a possible beautiful decoration that could easily set everyone into a good mood. The holiday has a completely different meaning than it had a few years ago and the very own reason is right in front of you, watching the Grinch movie.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join us? It’s just the two of us anyway, and I miss baby pumpkin.”

Your best friend’s voice sounds a little bit beaten up over the thought that you’re not spending Christmas with him. You’re not sure why though, it’s not like you’ve spent last year’s Christmas with him and his girlfriend. Still, he makes sure that if you’ve any doubts about today, there is still a chance for you and your son to join your best friend on this year’s Christmas.

“No, no, it’s all good. I promise, thank you. He’s already invited and he’s coming, I can’t decline it at the last minute.”

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” Your friend asks and if you could see him, you know you’d see his tiny frown and suspicious eyes. Well, you’re glad you can avoid them right now because his words certainly make your heart jump a little. It’s like you got caught over something that never even occurred in your mind until now.

“Hobi,” you whine through clenched teeth, “I can’t because it’s not appropriate and he deserves to be with Yoojin too. He’s trying, okay?”

Last year’s Christmas was a little bit awkward to be honest, and it’s something that Hoseok knows because you told him everything. From the moment he came wearing some expensive and designer suit which you can’t even guess the price (nor you want to because you’re sure it’d make your head spin) to the point you were just awkwardly sitting together in your living room, staring at Yoojin who was too little to notice the awkward atmosphere between his parents. But of course, it’s only understandable how awkward it was because you’ve never been in that situation before and considering your relationship (or whatever the two of you have), it was awkward for the both of you. But it was quite funny to see him stuffing his face with gingerbread and other deserts you bought in the grocery shop. You just didn’t have time to bake anything, nor you knew how to bake Christmas cookies that time.

So you, wearing some Christmas sweatshirt you ordered from the internet and him sitting in a full designer suit, just awkwardly sat through the entire Christmas evening. But as sad as it sounds, you don’t think he’d get to spend the Christmas with anyone. You’re not sure if he’s still in touch with his father but something tells you they’re not that kind of family who spend and celebrate this family holiday together. And it breaks your heart at the thought that he’d get to spend it alone (even if he might not care about Christmas) but he has a family now. It’s different because there is your son connecting you for the rest of your lives.

You hear the deep sigh that he lets out. “I know, I know... maybe you could bring him over?”

You’ve to chuckle at that, even if he sounds unsure about the proposal and although you appreciate your best friend’s effort of trying to make things better, you’re definitely not sure him and the man who got you pregnant in the same room and on Christmas most importantly, is the greatest idea. Certainly, they get along better than they used to, but there’s still a weird tension lingering in the air whenever the two of them are in the same room. Your best friend eyeing your baby’s daddy and your baby daddy eyeing your friend like he’s about to stab him any second.

“As much as I appreciate that, I don’t think the last minute changes would be a great idea. I think we need to get used to being a family and celebrate Christmas together. Last year was awkward but I hope this year will be different.” you explain to your best friend who listens attentively, and you just know that he’s nodding along your words before he lets out another sigh.

“Well, you know him better than I do,” Of course, you do. You’ve spent months trying to persuade your best friend that the father of your child isn’t as cold as he makes himself out to be. “But I hope you’re coming tomorrow, there are a few presents waiting for you and baby pumpkin.”

You smile at the nickname, the nostalgia when your son was born and the first months of being a new mom washes over you. It’s crazy to think it was more than three years ago and so many things have changed.

“Hobi,” you whine, “I told you not to buy anything.”

You seriously don’t need any presents and Yoojin has everything he could possibly need or dream of. His father makes sure of it, just like you do.

“You did. But I never listen to you, do I?”

You chuckle, shaking your head at him. “You don’t, but me neither and I got you and Paige presents too. Don’t think I didn’t know you’d do this.” you grin, teasing tone evident in your voice as you hear him groan.

Of course, you bought him and his girlfriend presents too. You knew he’d never listen to you and your pleas of not buying anything. There’s nothing materialistic you or your son need. Like you said, his father makes sure of it. Even though you’re not his responsibility, he still asks whether there’s something you need. A few months ago when your bathroom battery stopped working, you just mentioned it when he asked what’s new because you’re just that awkward and didn’t know what to share besides Yoojin. The next day he visited with a new bathroom battery in a box holding it in his hands as he bought it for you without any trouble.

And that just proves that he’s trying and doing his best, bringing a completely new side of him that makes you speechless every day.

When the call is over, another set of assuring words that you will be fine and enjoy this Christmas more than the last year, Hoseok finally lets you off the hook and says Merry Christmas. You glance at your son who giggles at the Grinch on the television screen, wondering just how he’s not scared of it but rather finds it funny and interesting. If you were his age, you’d run for the hills but somehow, he is brave for his age in a lot of things.

And you just know he takes that from his father.

As soon as the doorbell rings, you freeze for a moment and quickly stand up as you're trying to straighten the non-existent crinkles on your red dress. The ones you bought for yourself a few weeks ago, remembering just how awkward you felt in a Christmas themed sweater, especially when there was the father of your child looking like he came straight from the photoshoot. You know he's handsome just like that and he barely has to put any effort into his looks, which makes it even more stressful for you to look somehow representative and nice. And that's why you've decided to buy a dress with a price that made you scoff at first. Surely, it wasn't as expensive as any of his suits or just simple shirts he owns, but the couple zeros in the price were enough to make you feel doubtful whether you should buy it or not.

Thinking back to last year's Christmas, you've decided to put it into the cart and two days later you had a package waiting for you. You want to feel beautiful, you know you probably aren't from his circle where people don't think twice about spending money. You don't have expensive clothes and jewelry to show around. You still dress nice enough and you think your fashion taste isn't that bad either, but it all goes away when you look at him and realize that you are not coming from the same place or inner circle.

Anyway, you'll try to make this Christmas less awkward and more comfortable for the both of you. It's the second Christmas you're spending together as a family. Yoojin's third Christmas, the first one you spent with Hoseok together.

“Pumpkin,” you call out to your son, his dark eyes glancing at you from the sofa. “Your daddy is here. Are you coming to greet him?” you ask lightly, putting a huge smile on your face even though you feel like you can throw up any second.

You're not sure why you are so nervous anyways, it's not like he's not here almost every day to visit Yoojin or take him somewhere.

Your son, completely clueless to your inner battle, contrasts to the nervosity you're feeling and sounds ecstatic at the mention of his father and shoots up from the sofa before you can even utter a single word. His little feet paddle to the front door and you catch up to him, knowing he's too little to open it but you still rush yourself to get there just in time. Taking a deep breath, you reach for the doorknob as Yoojin jumps up and down yelling 'daddy' all over again until you open the door.

You barely manage to open it fully as Yoojin throws himself at his father, the tall and completely handsome man letting out a surprised 'oof' as he hugs his cheerful son.

“Hey pumpkin,” he greets him, dark eyes looking up at you.

Seokjin looks handsome as always. There's not a time you remember him looking opposite of that, his dark hair is swiped back revealing his forehead as his thick brows shoot up as he takes your appearance.

His eyes travel down your body, admiring the simple red dress that you're wearing. They hug your curves just in the right places and end just above your knees, so they are appropriate enough for Christmas. Black stockings hug your legs that look somehow longer than usual, but that's just an optical illusion.

He looks surprised at your choice of outfit and you almost feel like you overdid it or done it completely wrong, but as soon as Yoojin lets him breathe and steps aside, you understand why.

You've never thought you'd get to see Kim Seokjin, The Kim Seokjin, wearing a Christmas sweater underneath his coat, that somehow looks familiar to the one you wore last year. The sight of him wearing dark jeans isn't that unfamiliar, you got to see him wearing jeans before quite a few times but this complete outfit is a whole nother story. You let your mouth open before realization hits your and his face.

While you were trying to look like he did last year, he did the same thing by wearing an ugly Christmas sweatshirt he would probably never wear under other circumstances, but he makes it work and there's no lie that he looks good in it nevertheless.

“Oh my god,” he chuckles, you reacting with a set of giggles as you laugh and point at his sweatshirt.

“I can't believe you're wearing a Christmas sweatshirt,” you laugh, letting him to come in as you notice him grabbing a huge bag off the floor, full of presents. “Have you ever worn one before?”

He rolls his eyes at your teasing, patting Yoojin on the head who seems to be too curious with the bag rather than the conversation his parents are having. “No, I did it because you wore it last year. I thought--” he stops himself, glancing at your dress before he lets out an amused chuckle while he shakes his head at himself.

“Yeah,” you nod, knowing what he means. “I thought the same thing.” you tell him, glancing down at your dress.

“Well, you look beautiful,” he tells you, surprising you as your eyes snap to his, a lump creating in your throat as you give him a tight smile.

“Thank you, you look… good too.” you say, trying to hide a smile which he notices and rolls his eyes again.

“Please, don't.” he utters, shrugging off his black coat, fully revealing the Christmas sweatshirt that makes you smirk but you hide it by taking Yoojin's hand.

When Seokjin is done with taking off his boots and coat, he smiles at the sight of Yoojin waiting for him and outstretching his hand to him, and he doesn't hesitate to take it. You give him a faint smile, the one he quickly returns before Yoojin goes to show off your Christmas tree that you and Yoojin decorated.

When you see them sitting in front of the Christmas tree, while you're preparing the cookies and hot chocolate, as they're chatting and commenting on each decoration as Yoojin seems to be extremely proud at how your Christmas tree looks, you know this Christmas may not be bad at all.

“Let me help,”

You almost flinch at the sudden voice sounding behind you, before Seokjin appears next to you and takes the kitchen cloth from your hands. You're about to open your mouth, protest that you're able to dry off the clean dishes but you stop when he gives you a glare. That glare that tells you that he's trying to help and you shouldn't stop him from doing it.

“Is he asleep?” you ask, probably knowing the answer since Seokjin is standing beside you in the kitchen while helping you.

Each dish he dries off, you go and place it back to its place. The way two of you work is fine even while doing such a simple thing, it feels domestic and you don't persuade yourself that it's not. It feels nice, too nice that you could get used to this even though it's impossible.

“Yeah, it took a while. He was so excited about all the presents, kept talking about it until his eyes closed.” he says, a soft smile playing on his plump lips, a smile you see much more these days.

Since he's staying for Yoojin's bedtime every day, he decided to put him into bed while reading from one of the books 'Santa Claus' got him. You took that time to get rid of all the wrapping paper and mess in the living room. You're surprised that Yoojin didn't even ask for you, his attention focused on his father that read him to the bed. It's not like you've to watch Seokjin's every step, especially when it comes to Seokjin because you know he's perfectly capable of taking care of him without you being present. But curiosity got the best out of you and you caught yourself listening behind the door, appreciating how Seokjin's gentle voice carried around Yoojin's bedroom. Of course, you've heard him reading to Yoojin before – but it never gets old. It's the little things that make your heart bloom with warmth, remembering how scared you were when you found out you were pregnant. Telling Seokjin was never a plan, and as you look at it, you understand how scared you were at that time. You didn't want him in your life because he made himself clear, it had been all sex for him. But at the same time, you understand that you'd make a mistake if he didn't find out. Maybe later as Yoojin would be older, he'd certainly ask about his dad and grow curious why there's only one parent figure in his life. There's still a huge chance Seokjin would find out anyway, maybe in a few months or years even. Of course, you couldn't have known that he'll be amazing as a father and he's capable of changing his attitude. But deep down you know you'd regret if you didn't tell him. Maybe not straight away, but later.

“He was so excited about the presents.” you smile, remembering your son's bright eyes whenever he opened the presents or watched with big eyes as Seokjin helped him with opening it.

He brought a lot of presents with himself, a few gifted to you which you were completely speechless about. It wasn't anything you truly needed, but very well appreciated because he's trying. The thought of him picking up presents for you does warm your heart. A lot.

“What about you?” he asks slowly, the cabinet leaving a small thud as you close it.

He's done drying off the dishes, folding the washcloth carefully and skillfully, which you've never noticed before. You wonder if he cleans his own apartment, you know they had a maid when he used to live with his ex–wife.

“Me?” you ask, heart fluttering for a second as you nervously chuckle.

“Did you like your presents?” he asks, nibbling on his bottom lip which is very rare because he looks like he's contemplating whether he should bring this up or not.

The smile you give him is enough to calm down his nerves, his eyes flickering to your lips before he quickly looks back into your eyes, straightening himself. He's trying to mask whatever that could be, but you know he's just trying to look nonchalant. Luckily for you, you get to know him without him actually telling you. Just watching him is enough for you to know that he's nervous and not exactly comfortable. Yet he stays, eyes boring into yours.

“Of course I did,” you answer, “Thank you. You didn't have to buy me anything.” you remind him, smiling as you lean against the kitchen counter.

“Of course I did,” he repeats your words, causing you to amusingly roll your eyes which he reacts to with a chuckle before he continues, “How can I come here for Christmas and bring nothing to you? You deserve it, you know.”

You cock your head to the side, glancing at him curiously. “Yoojin is all that matters, I don't need anything. But I do appreciate you buying me all those things.”

Extremely expensive and not needed things, from cosmetics to some clothes which surprisingly, are casual and not the usual Seokjin style he'd go for.

“You bought me presents too.” he reminds you.

You did, but they weren't partly as expensive as his were. And you've found it extremely hard to buy him something because he can buy anything he wants to. There are barely any hobbies he likes to do because he's running between the company and Yoojin back to forth. He never mentions anything he likes to do or just generally likes, other than your home food. But you can't exactly give him your food as a present. So you just went along with cosmetics boxes and got printed Yoojin's picture which made him the happiest, you think. Hoseok went for a shopping spree with you and you can remember him clearly scoffing or whining about you being indecisive when it came to Seokjin's presents.

You couldn't help it. You had the need to do well, to buy him something that'll make him genuinely happy.

“Those were nothing,” you wave your hand, “I didn't know what to buy you. I spent the whole day in a shopping center trying to buy you something useful and something you'd like. Kim Seokjin, you're a very hard person to buy presents to.” you joke, causing him to let out a slight laugh which rings in your ears and causes you to smile automatically.

“Don't think I had it any easier,” he teases, slightly nudging you in your shoulder and you almost gasp at the sudden contact. “I dragged Namjoon's ass with me while he was trying to help me. I figured he's pretty useless when it comes to presents and giving advice.”

Giggling, you shake your head at the mention of Namjoon. You haven't seen him for a while, but you know he asks about Yoojin a lot and even forces Seokjin to show him some pictures of him whenever they're together. You know that because Seokjin told you that.

“Don't say that, he's a great friend to you.” you tell him, smile stretched onto your lips as there is honesty to your words.

“I know,” he tells you, letting you know that he's partly joking about that. Namjoon is his closest friend. “I just thought he could help me out a bit more.” he admits.

Giggling at him, there's a beat of silence for a moment while Seokjin stares at you with those dark eyes, the same ones you can't shake off ever since you've met him. You want to ask him why he's staring at you like that, knowing there's something more to his face expression but before you can even utter a single word, he beats you to it.

“I've got something else for you.” he says, coughing lightly as he reaches for the back pocket of his jeans while your eyes widen.

“But you gave me so much!” you exclaim, gasping when he pulls out a piece of paper.

“I'd give it to you when we were unwrapping presents but I didn't know what your reaction and answer would be… and I didn't want Yoojin to be excited about nothing, so… yeah. Here it is.” he says, lips giving you an awkward smile as he holds up the paper for you.

You take it slowly and look straight into his eyes with confusion. “What is it?”

“I thought we could have a little family trip. As much as walks in the park and other stuff are fun too, I think it'd be nice to get out of Seoul and make some new memories. Yoojin is older now, so he's perfectly fine sleeping elsewhere or we could just come back. There is this village, Boseong, I looked it up and there's such beautiful nature. There is also a kids park and lunapark nearby, I thought we could visit it in April. There is probably more that I'm forgetting right now, just look it up and let me know.”

This is probably the most he said to you for the past week and when you process his words, you're left speechless and gaping at the man in front of you. You don't hide the surprise and gratitude when you look up at him, seeing a few pictures of the place and information about accommodation. He's certainly right, the place is beautiful and you're sure Yoojin would love it there.

“I'm--wow, this is so… amazing of you,” you breathe out, “You know you can take Yoojin wherever you want.” you remind him, not wanting him to think that he has to ask you for permission to take your son away. As long as you know where they're going and he'll be taken care of, you've no intention in standing in the way of their father and son bond.

He took Yoojin to his apartment or out without you being there with them before, it's no news. However, taking him to a village for a weekend trip is something new but you don't see any problem with it.

“I know,” he says, “But I thought you'd come too.”

He sounds unsure, the tip of his ears are red as he tries to look away from your curious and big eyes. He looks cute and frustrated, definitely a rare sight for sure. And it does make your heart flutter at the fact that he wants you there too.

“Really? You did?”

“Well, don't sound so surprised,” he almost scolds you but refrains himself from doing so, as he gives you a pressured chuckle. “I want us to go… as a family.” he explains, a little smile spreading on your lips as you place the paper onto the kitchen counter.

He watches your every movement like a hawk, looking somehow uncomfortable by the silence and the lack of reaction you give him. He's desperate for your answer and you don't want to tease him any further, nor that was your intention.

“Of course, I'd love to go,” you tell him, your throat running dry as soon as a big smile erupts on his lips and the top of his cheeks get chubby. He reminds you of Yoojin a lot. It doesn't necessarily be about features, but the way they act. “As a family.” you add, smiling at Seokjin who doesn't hide the relief and even sighs in relief.

“That's… good,” he murmurs, taking a step closer to you as your breath hitches in your throat. “How have you been?”

You're startled by the sudden question but you quickly shake the surprise off as you shrug. “Good, really good. You're taking care of us really well.”

He does, it's true. Even though Yoojin spends his days mostly in daycare, and you've got a new job – Seokjin always makes sure you have everything.

“You're all I got,” he whispers, your eyes widening at his confession. “You and Yoojin, I mean.” he adds, same quiet almost as if he's scared of saying it any louder.

You know expressing his feelings and thoughts have never been easy for him, and he struggles most of the time. But whenever something like this happens and you get to see another piece of tender and honest Seokjin, your heart blooms with pride and happiness.

Your eyes flicker shut as the tip of his fingers tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, his thumb lingering against your cheek. He's barely touching you and you find yourself leaning to his touch.

There are times when you wonder if Seokjin is really alone, especially in his apartment that he bought after he divorced his ex-wife and left her the house they were living in. It's his private life, something that's none of your business especially if it comes to his lovelife. Still, curiosity is a really interesting emotion to feel and sometimes you find yourself wondering if he already found someone. He's a better version of himself than he used to be when you met him. There is certainly someone waiting for him, someone who can bring out the best out of him and set another, different light than Yoojin does. It's sad to think that he'll be alone for the rest of his life. Well, not exactly alone because he has Yoojin – and you.

“It doesn't have to be just us,” you remind him softly, feeling his hand retreat slowly from your face. “I'm sure there's someone out there for you.”

He scoffs at that, although it doesn't come out as bitter or harsh. He looks straight into your eyes, making sure you see the look in them before he says; “I don't want anyone else.”

“You're saying that now, but you'll meet someone eventually,” Well, not if he'll be totally against the idea. “Someone who you'll be interested in.”

You want to give him hope, something he can think about even if it settles a weird feeling in your chest. Him having a new partner means that person will be a part of Yoojin's life and probably yours as well. It's not that easy, because that someone can be a total bitch and you'll just have to accept it.

“Are you interested in someone?” He surprises you by asking you such a question, causing you to gulp as you stare at him with doe eyes before you shake your head.

“What about that guy? Taehyung?”

You're surprised that he remembers his name, you never thought he gave that much attention to him. He did tell you you deserve someone better, someone who can give you something Seokjin couldn't. You remember those words like it was yesterday, they had and still have a huge impact on you. Maybe that's why you've decided to tell Taehyung that you're not ready for a relationship yet. The kind guy he is, he completely understood that but you did feel extremely bad when you saw the hurt he tried to hide and mask with his boxy smile.

Maybe Taehyung isn't the right person. Maybe there's someone else waiting for you. Or maybe that person is in the same room like you, looking at you as nothing else matters right now.

“I told him that I'm not ready.” you whisper, licking your lips nervously as Seokjin watches the motion before he looks back at you.

“And are you? Not ready?”

“He's a great guy, but he isn't the one constantly on my mind.” you admit, heart hammering in your chest because you know Seokjin is smart enough to understand your words and read between the lines, without you being completely direct.

“Is there someone else on your mind?” he asks diplomatically, cocking his head to the side like he's completely oblivious to your quickened breathing and the red flush on your cheeks.

“I think you know the answer to that,” you whisper, looking down to your feet just to avoid those mystery eyes that are watching you.

But Seokjin doesn't like that, he wants to see you and that's why he tucks a finger under your chin before he lifts up your head and meets your gaze. “I told you I'm not the right one for you. I'm just gonna hurt you.” he reminds you softly, eyes holding something you can't put a finger on but it's something between sadness and guilt.

“You're not hurting me, you haven't hurt me in a while.” you whisper, glancing at his lips before you look back into his eyes.

“What if I will? I can't ruin our relationship. I ruined too many things with you.”

In other words, he appreciates your relationship and what it had become compared to the beginning and that you used to be just someone that kept his bed warm, until he had his fill. As harsh as it sounds, it's true and there were more painful words said during that time. And if being just a father to your kid is all that makes the relationship between you two calm and nice, he'll take it and he doesn't want to risk anything. Sadly, he knows himself and even if he slowly reflects on the wrongs he did, and realizes how badly he fucked up, he's certain there will come time when he'll just snap and let that dark side of him out once again.

Having something more with you, something more than just sex, scares him. He's not even certain if he truly loves you, he doesn't know that feeling. All he knows is that he wants to make it up to you how he treated you, and that he cares about you. He may not say it loudly, but his actions speak up for everything.

“Let me decide on that,” you tell him, hand slowly approaching his chest before you smile at the soft material of his Christmas sweatshirt. The fact he still left it on is somehow amusing and cute at the same time. “You don't see yourself the way I see you.”

“But I know myself enough to know that you deserve someone much better.”

There he is again with his words. You sigh, ready to pull yourself away from him but he doesn't stop you as he wraps his arms around your frame. You gulp, staring up at him as he slowly licks his lips.

“Maybe I do,” you murmur, “But there's no one else I want right now.” you admit, causing him to blink a few times as you don't wait for him to react, slowly leaning in.

He doesn't move and you wonder if you crossed any lines. Surely if you did, he'd push you away or say something. But he's standing there, arms still wrapped around your frame as he lets your lips connect in a soft peck. It's too quick, too light for him to truly appreciate the softness of your lips.

You pull away, his arms slowly sliding off your waist as he stands there dumbfounded, looking cute as ever. Chuckling, you bite your lip as you walk out of the kitchen, stopping yourself just between the door's frame as you look at him past your shoulder.

“You wanna try my mulled wine?” you ask, wiggling your brows as he chuckles, straightening himself. “You can stay over too. I'm sure Yoojin will appreciate seeing you here in the morning.”

“Just Yoojin?” he finds the courage to ask, wondering if he crossed any lines with you this time and you see the way he gulps, staying glued on the spot.

But then your warm smile spreads onto your lips and it feels like the room just lightened up.

“Maybe his mom too,” you tell him with a smirk, nudging your head towards the living room. “Come on, the night is still young. Let's see where it brings us.”

He sees you walking to the living room, your hips swaying naturally as he gulps, feeling stunned for a moment before he forces his body to move to join you. Your words affecting him more than he was prepared for.

Somehow, Seokjin knows you're not talking about tonight's night at all.

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