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leafs-lover · 4 years

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Because Two People Got Drunk: 13

Series Masterlist

A/N: Italics indicate flashback. I looked into dual citizenship and apparently they only allow it if the parents are married or the mother is Danish. Seems pretty ridiculous to me.

Summary: You and Fred return from the trip and your relationship has forever changed. Oliver takes his first trip to Denmark and you visit your grandparents for the first time since giving birth.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, a little heart break

Word Count: 6441

Chapter 13

March 19, 2022

“Geez" you say jumping up “you scared me.”

“Sorry, he was fussing so I tried to get him without waking you" Fred says as he walks out of the room. You look at the clock 5:06am. You walk out and see Fred heating up a bottle while holding Oliver in one hand.

“You have a game tonight; you want me to do this?” You say groggily.

“No, I’m up anyways" he says sitting on the couch to feed Oliver.

You grab a drink of water before heading off to the bathroom. You return to your room and doze off, barely hearing Fred when he returns Oliver to the bassinet.

You wake up a few hours later and pick Oliver up bringing him to the living room. You see Fred getting ready to leave for practice “you guys still coming to the game tonight?” he asks.

“Yeah of course we’ll be there” you reply. “Okay, tickets are on the fridge" he says leaning down and strokes Oliver’s head and gives him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

You walk back to the kitchen “still ice cold” you mumble.

Later that night you dress Oliver in his Andersen jersey, while you wear dark washed jeans, with a long white cashmere sweater and a penguins toque, your hair curled. You bring the stroller this time making the trek from the garage much easier. As you walk in the woman are excited to greet you, but mostly to see Oliver not that you can blame them.

“It’s been so long Ollie boy" Christina exclaims as she scoops him up immediately.

“Yeah it has been a while” Kathy says pulling you in for a hug.

“Yeah things with Fred have been…tense.” You explain.

Kathy drags you to the bar and pours some wine “what happened? Last I saw you was after you came back from your trip and things didn’t seem good then.”

“I mean I don’t think he is as mad as he was then, or that he hates me anymore” you start.

“I don’t think he ever hated you. I mean he never talked about it, but he seemed upset not angry.”

“So the second night away we got drunk and were talking and laughing. Everything was going good and then we hooked up. And the next morning I woke up to him in bed beside me. I was wearing his shirt and I panicked.”

You wake up at 7:00 and Fred is still asleep, his arm is draped over your stomach as you lay there in his shirt. He is on his stomach, his hair splayed across the pillow.

What did we do? What about Ollie? How could we have done that? Millions of thoughts begin to run through your head. You lift his arm and head to the bathroom and wash your face attempting to calm yourself down before you decide to jump in the shower.

When you wake up Fred is gone and you smell coffee. You put on some leggings and a sweater and head to the kitchen and sit down at the island.

“Most people on vacation sleep in" he jokes passing you a coffee. You laugh lightly taking a drink as Fred sits beside you.” want to talk about last night?” he questions.

“Yeah we probably should" you respond.

“So it was -" before he can finish you cut him off “a mistake. It was a mistake” you say.

“We have a good thing going, and we wouldn’t want to complicate it” you further explain. Fred shifts to sit up straight.

“Yeah…I was going to say the same thing" he says lightly.

“Good. I’m glad we both feel this way.”

“Yeah. No, you know what? No I don’t feel that way. I don’t regret it. I don’t think it was a mistake.”

“Fred. I…we…I’m sorry.”

“No it’s fine. I’m going to pack we leave in an hour.”

“Oh my god I cant believe that happened" Kathy says.

“Yeah he hasn’t really forgiven me, or talked to me much. Unless it’s about Oliver he doesn’t talk to me, I feel like I’m on eggshells.”

“So do you regret it?”

“I don’t know, yes and no. Like I don’t want to complicate things for Ollie. It’s such a weird situation. I would love it if it worked out, but if it didn’t it could really complicate things.”

“How is trying with him different than dating someone else and it not working?”

“If I date Fred for a year and it doesn’t work and things get bad after the breakup it can affect our abilities to co-parent together. If I meet someone else and date them for a year and it doesn’t work out, it sucks and Oliver still feels that loss, but it’s not going to impact his life every day. Like I never have to see them again where I always have to see Fred.” You say as she nods “this whole situation is making living there so uncomfortable. I thought it would get better, that we would move past this but it hasn’t. I am looking at apartments now.”

“You’re thinking of leaving?”

“I think I have to. When I agreed to come we said we would address the living situation down the line if needed. I think we’re at that point now. It will be better for us to get some space and not be around each other all the time. I mean a year from now I’ll be back in Toronto working so it’s probably better for Oliver.”

You watch the rest of the game and the penguins lose 3-1. You bring Oliver down to the waiting area while waiting on Fred after the game.

He walks out and sees you, and pulls you in for a quick side hug “good game" you say. He doesn’t respond but instead grabs the stroller and leading you to the car.

The following morning you wake up around 7am with Oliver. After feeding him you make breakfast when you hear Fred walk into the kitchen.

“Morning" he mumbles, his hair disheveled from sleep. He pours a cup of coffee before picking Oliver up and cuddling him while drinking it.

“Breakfast will be ready in about 10 -" you start to say before Fred cuts you off “I’m just going to eat at the rink" he says before getting up and sitting on the couch with Oliver for some morning playtime.

The rest of your interactions for the next week are very short and awkward. You are beginning to feel like staying is going to hurt your relationship more, when he is on his next road trip you facetime Allie.

“I feel like being here is hurting us more than me being here. I feel like I’m only here because it’s convenient not because it makes sense.”

“You have to think about what’s best for Oliver, but it’s not like you guys are screaming and fighting. Maybe it can get better" Allie says.

“No were not even talking. I feel like we went through a break up, it obviously wasn’t because we weren’t dating but just because of the history it felt like that. In a normal relationship if you live together and break up one of you moves out.”

“If that’s what you think is best for him than that’s what you have to do. As long as his parents love him I think that’s what important. But you want to try and have the best relationship with Fred. You don’t think this can be salvaged? Like you can’t get back to a friendship or whatever you had before that night?”

“I don’t know, maybe with time. But I think if we don’t see each other every day it could help. Space apart might help us heal.”

There is a pause on the call “why did you walk away from him? I hear the way you talk about him, it seems like more than you let on.”

“I don’t know. I think I did have feelings or I still do but was scared to admit them I case I lost everything. But I honestly don’t know. I can’t tell you right now I want to be with him.”

You continue talking with your friend for a little while later until Oliver wakes up from a nap. Fred is on a 5 game road trip and he barely checks in with you. He sends you occasional messages asking about Oliver and you send him pictures or video’s but he doesn’t call or facetime.

When he returns it is after his last game around 3am. You are awake on the couch feeding Oliver when he walks in. He sits on the other side of the couch “ thought he was done with the multiple wake up calls throughout the night" Fred says.

“Yeah he didn’t eat a lot and had a bit of a fever yesterday. The fever is gone so I think he’s feeling better but now he is hungry” you explain “want him?”

Fred comes over and picks him up from your arms and sits down continuing to feed him. “Missed you little man" he says. You wander off to bed leaving the boys in the living room.

Later that day after lunch Oliver is having a nap, you finish doing some laundry and see Fred sitting on the couch on his phone.

You sit down on the other end of the couch, “can we talk?” you ask.

“Yeah, what about?” he asks not looking up from his phone.

“Us, and our situation” you say.

He finally looks at you “okay, what about us?”

“I just feel like things have been awkward or tense around us for the last month or so. Thought maybe we could talk about it.”

He puts his phone into his pocket and looks at you for a minute “Okay?”

“I am sorry for what happened last month.”

Fred scoffs “for what sleeping with me or what happened after?”

You stare at him and see the pain in his eyes “that’s what I thought. If you didn’t want to sleep with me why did you? You could have pulled away, could have stopped before it started. Instead you went ahead and now you regret this.” You don’t regret sleeping with him, but you don’t know how to explain it, just the timing wasn’t right. You just need time to sort through your feelings, time to process everything.

You stare at him for a minute. “Fred I am so sorry. I never wanted this to happen, I didn’t want to hurt you, and you need to know that. I just want what’s best for Ollie-“

“And I don’t?” his tone changes, you can tell he is becoming agitated.

“No I know you do” you say lightly. “I should have stopped us before we go carried away, and I’m sorry. I’m just wondering if we can move forward from here.”

Fred stares ahead not responding. After a few minutes you finally say “I think I should find my own place.”

This causes him to look at you, still speechless. Finally you continue “we said we would do this only if it made sense. We always left the option of me moving out on the table. I just think it’s best for Oliver if we aren’t around each other with this tension. I worry about it damaging our relationship to a point where we can’t recover and it causes us issues down the line. I think it’s better if we have space between us, can keep our relationship at its best so we can be the best parents for Oliver.

We can work out a custody arrangement. I will keep him when you’re on the road, and you can have him as much as you want when you’re home. And we can split the time in the summer. I will stay here for the rest of my maternity leave, and over the next year we can talk about how to make it work in two different countries.”

“You sure this is what you want (Y/N)?”

“I think we need this. I think we need space, it will help us. If we had of dated and had a kid and then broke up we wouldn’t live together so I think this makes sense.”

“Okay great” Fred snaps getting up and walking to his room.

April 17, 2022

You and Fred have been walking on eggshells around each other. You found a realtor and have been looking into some apartments but you want something close to Fred to make everything easier. You wake up on Easter weekend; at 7am with Oliver and begin the morning routine with him before taking him to get him dressed in a green plaid long sleeve shirt and overalls before putting bunny ears on him. You walk out and run into Fred in the hall who chuckles when he sees him “what does mommy have you wearing? You a little bunny?” grabbing him from you.

You hear him talking to him as he heads to the living room with him while you get ready. When you make your way to the kitchen you see that he has made breakfast for the both of you.

“Oh this is nice” you say sitting down taking in the spread Fred made. Bacon, eggs, hash browns, French toast, fruit and coffee all sit waiting for you.

Fred smiles as he hands you a plate as you scoop the food. “You didn’t have to do all this” you say.

“I know, I just thought we could have a nice family breakfast since I have a few days off before playoffs start and I get really busy.”

You smile lightly as you start eating “Oh this is so good. It’s been a while since you made breakfast.”

“Can’t have you expecting this every day” he retorts “it’s a lot of work” a small grin on his face.

“I give you a baby and you can’t give me breakfast every day. Seems a little unfair” you joke.

“You don’t get to play the baby card every day for breakfast.”

“No you’re right. I should save it for something big and important, not waste it on daily breakfast.” You laugh “so you find a nanny? I know you were looking.”

“Yeah I’ve been looking, but I didn’t see the need to lock someone up with the season almost over. I’ll find someone during the off season, but I don’t think I’ll need someone during the summer with no hockey.”

“Makes sense.”

“How is the apartment hunt going?”

“I’ve seen a couple, I’m trying to find one close to here. Just trying to find one I can afford in a decent neighbourhood. Haven’t seen any 2 bedrooms that kind of fit that mold but I will.”

“Oh well you know I will pay for it.” “What? Fred, you can’t”

“We should have talked about child support or something before. I mean since you’ve lived here I haven’t paid anything to you.” he says.

“I haven’t paid for rent or any bills since I got here. You have paid for all of his doctor’s appointments, and most of the groceries. I didn’t see the need to discuss child support when I have no expenses because you cover it all. When you’re on the road you even leave a credit card in case I needed something for him”

“Which you have not used once by the way” he says smiling as you roll your eyes. “If you aren’t going to be here with me I have to pay support.”

“I don’t want your money Fred.”

“Well you can accept my money or I will get a lawyer to draw up papers to force you to take it” he jokes. “But seriously I want to know you guys are okay so I am paying for your place, so pick whatever you want.”

You sigh loudly “no.”

“This is non-negotiable. How is this any different then you agreeing to move into my old condo in Toronto?”

“You’re impossible” you grumble as Fred continues to stare at you. You are aware that you aren’t going to win this argument “Fine. There actually are a couple apartments available in the condos 2 blocks over, my agent told me about. I didn’t look at them because they were a little more than I wanted to spend”

“Well see if you can go check them out? Playoffs don’t start until the 22nd, I just have practices right now.”

Your agent manages to set up the showings the following day. You set them up around Fred’s practices so he could watch Oliver but he insists on coming. “You really didn’t have to come Fred” you say pressing the button in the elevator.

“Just want to make sure you guys are going to be okay” he says as you walk in the door. It’s a 2+ bedroom, 2 baths. The main living area is open so you can watch Oliver playing while in the kitchen. There is a dining and living area, so large you can have a play area for Oliver without his toys overtaking the main area. There are lots of windows and in-suite laundry and ample storage, not to mention the gym and pool in the building.

It’s amazing you think to yourself. You would love to live here, but you don’t need this much space.

“I think it’s too big, too much I don’t need all this.”

“Well you are getting it, I’m signing the papers. It’s a great place, you deserve this. Besides I like that you will be close to me. We won’t have to spend our time sitting in traffic doing the exchanges and if something happens the other one is really close.”

You are trying to find an argument, because this apartment is more than you need, and more than he should be spending on you.

“I know you love it, especially your walk-in closet. I saw your eyes light up when you went in there” he says. “The closet is really nice, but I’m sure there are other places, that are maybe a little smaller that have nice closets too. I just don’t need all of this. It’s way too much” you say lightly.

“Nonsense (Y/N). I’m signing the lease.”

Before you can object Fred walks over to the realtor and signs a one year lease for you.

“Happy Father’s Day” you say as Fred opens the door for you and Oliver. He has a pair of khaki shorts and a white Nike t-shirt. His t-shirt is tight and you can see his biceps popping out of it, and it’s fitted to his stomach. You think about what is under his clothes. You have a gift bag in your hand and your son is resting on your hip. Fred lets you in before taking Oliver and pulling you in for a quick hug as you feel his muscular back as you grip him. You moved out on June 1st, and with the Penguins out of the playoffs you have been sharing custody of him since then.

“Hey buddy” he says kissing his forehead “I like your shirt” he says at the “Daddy’s little man” written across his chest. You walk into the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge when Fred comes in after you. “This is for you” you say setting the gift bag on the counter.

“You didn’t have to get me anything” he replies when Oliver crawls in and pulls on his leg. “Geez I forgot he is doing that, makes keeping an eye on him more fun.”

“Yeah he also can open cupboards. I have someone coming to baby proof my place tomorrow.”

Fred laughs picking him up and reached for the gift bag, reading the card that is signed with Oliver’s handprint before reaching in and pulling out a mug. He immediately starts laughing “Oh my god. This is awesome!” It’s a simple white mug that reads Your pull out game is weak

“I mean it’s not wrong” you say smiling.

“No it’s not. But my shitty reflexes lead to this little guy” he says laughing. “How is the new place?”

“It’s good, has a view of the sunset from the balcony so after he goes to sleep I can go out there and read. It’s nice”

“That’s good, we’re uh gonna head out to the park. Thought he might want to check out the swings, you want to come?”

“The swings eh” you say walking forward and grabbing Oliver’s hands “how can I say no to his first time on the swings?”

An hour later you all make the walk down to the park and Fred places him in the swing. You pull out your phone to videotape it. “He is either going to love it and laugh or it will be his worst experience and he will scream. What one do you think?” you ask him.

Fred chuckles lightly adjusting his hat, “I think he will love it, he’s tough, an adventure seeker. The real question is, are you ready mama?” You nod as Fred begins lightly pushing the swing. After a few pushes on the swing you see a huge smile spreads across his face before he begins laughing, his baby laugh causes a smile to spread across both of your faces.

“He loves it” Fred says as you continue recording.

You stay there a little longer playing on the swings and taking turns on the slide with him. You are preparing to leave the park, and Fred is buckling him in the stroller. He looks at you, and brings a hand up to your hair. He runs his fingers through, slowly pulling a leaf out. Your eyes linger on him a little too long before you whisper “thanks.” You walk back to his apartment where Fred makes some tea, using his new mug. “Can I talk to you about something?” he asks.

“Of course” you reply setting your mug down.

“So I was talking with my dad yesterday. We haven’t really talked much since last summer but I called him for father’s day. Afterwards I was talking with my mom and she asked if Ollie was going to come out with me next month.”

You take a sip of your tea as Fred continues “I planned on going out there for a week, but I didn’t know how you felt about me bringing him.”

“I mean yeah. We can swap some days around, it’s not a big problem.”

“Are you sure, we normally are doing every 3 days, this is more than twice that”

“It won’t be easy but it will be fine. He should spend time with his family.” “You sure you’re okay with this? You’re okay with me taking him out of the country.”

“I’m okay with it, assuming you want to do the 6 hour flight with a 7 month old” you say as you both laugh. “I’m sure he’ll have a great time, and if you want to extend it a little bit longer it’s fine.”

“Thanks but I’m sure 7 days will be enough time with him there. Does he have a passport?”

“Yeah I got him one so I could take him back to Toronto with me when needed. But he should also have a Danish passport, since he’s also a Danish citizen.”

“He’s not a Danish citizen.” Fred quickly says.

“What do you mean? You’re Danish and you’re his dad. He should have Canadian and Danish citizenship. Like a dual citizen.”

“Yeah so 5 or 6 years ago Denmark started acknowledging dual citizens by birth, but since his father is Danish and we aren’t married he doesn’t get to claim dual citizenship in Denmark. If we were married he would get both.”

“Hold up because were not married he isn’t considered to be Danish, even though you, his father, were born and raised there.”

“Yeah but if you were Danish and I was Canadian it would count.”

“Fuck that’s stupid. Don’t they know it’s 2022. People don’t need to be married to have kids, and dads can be single dads too.”

“Yeah I know it’s ridiculous.”

July 16, 2022

“Thanks again for being okay with this” Fred says while closing your door.

“You don’t have to thank me. He’s half Danish he should spend time there.”

“Still it’s a big ask for me to take him on a 6 hour plane ride across the ocean. I really appreciate you being so cool about this” he says kissing your forehead, his hands cupping your cheeks. You breathe in his cologne and laundry detergent, getting lost in it. You bring your hands up and stroke his forearms, getting lost in the interaction a little too long.

Fred looks around and notices another suitcase “you heading somewhere?” he asks pulling away.

“I’m going to Toronto for a few days to see my friends.”

“You could have planned it for another week and brought him with you.”

“I’m actually going to see my extremely judgemental grandparents, and I thought I’d spare him from their wrath.”

“I’m sure they aren’t that bad” he jokes.

“You haven’t met them, and be thankful for that” you say before looking at the clock. “You uh should get going before he falls asleep and you wake him up moving him out of the car.” You walk over and pick him up from his play mat. “Mommy is going to miss you so much little man.” You pull him in tightly to your chest placing kisses on his head “you’re going to have so much fun and I will see you so soon.” Tears begin to pool in your eyes as you keep holding him.

“You should take him before I lose it” you joke. Fred gives you a hug before leaving your apartment.

A few days later you arrive in Toronto. Your friends Carlee and Allie at the airport. “Hiii” you say wrapping them in a big hug.

“I really wish you brought Ollie” Allie says.

“I know, but he is having a great time in Denmark” you say pulling your phone out. “He has been sending me pictures and videos, multiple times a day” you explain scrolling through your phone.

“How long are you here for?”

“I have to be back by the 23rd, but I’m seeing my grandparents on the 21st so I may leave earlier.

After quickly stopping at Carlee’s apartment to change you all head out for dinner before going to a bar.

You put on a pair of white shorts with a red wine long sleeve body suit that has a deep v in the front with some booties. “Damn girl” Allie chirps when you come out of the bathroom.

“Yeah he has been crawling for a bit, he is starting to try and pull himself up. I feel like he will be walking soon which I am not ready for. Also he is making more sounds, I feel like he could start talking soon. Just getting so big” you tell the girls while out at dinner. “That’s crazy, how has Freddie been?” Allie asks.

“Oh he is amazing. He is the best with him, always playing with him. I think he wants to get him in hockey skates soon” you chuckle.

“But how are things with him?” Like with you two?” Carlee questions.

“They got awkward for a while, after we hooked up. But since I got my apartment things have been better. I think moving out was the best choice.”

“Why did you freak out after you hooked up?” Allie questions.

You take a sip of wine “I was worried about it not working. Or that’s what I told myself, I honestly think I just I panicked because I wasn’t ready to face my feelings.”

“What feelings?” Carlee asks raising an eyebrow.

“I think I was pretending they didn’t exist. Or I wasn’t ready to admit I had them, and I thought moving out would help me get over them.”

“Have you gotten over them?”

“No. And every time I see him all I want is to jump him. But I doubt he would go for it after what happened. And we keep having these lingering moments, looks or touches, that I feel like will lead somewhere but don’t.”

“Do you want them to lead somewhere?” Allie asks.

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Sounds like you need a man to distract you.” Carlee says as Allie smirks.

“Last time I needed a man to distract me I got pregnant” you joke.

You all make your way into the bar and start ordering some drinks before sitting at a booth. You are catching up, joking about the old times when your drink empties and you head to the bar. While standing there you smell someone’s cologne as you feel a body bump into you.

“Sorry” you hear the voice say “It’s really crowded tonight.”

You turn slightly and make eye contact with a tall good looking blonde man “no worries, like you said it’s really crowded.”

“I’m Taylor” he says sticking his hand out. You continue chatting as you wait for a bartender to serve you. After a few minutes they finally come and you order a drink for yourself and Taylor. Before you can pay Taylor puts a $20 on the bar.

“Oh you didn’t have to” you say smiling.

“It’s no problem. He wasn’t coming over to serve me, he was coming for the pretty girl. If you weren’t here I wouldn’t have ordered yet” a blush comes across your face. “What do you do?” he asks.

“I’m an environmental specialist for a consulting firm, you?” you feel his hand on the small of your back as he pulls you in closer to him.

“I’m a high school math teacher” he says “you want to dance?”

You agree and he leads you out to the dancefloor, his hands gently resting on your hips as you move to the music. You look to your friends and they nod in approval as you bring your hands to his shoulders. As the music continues you feel him close the gap, his hand now resting on your back, inches separating you two. You can smell his cologne and feel his breath on your neck, as he closes the gap. His jeans are now rubbing up against your pelvis, his hands shift to lightly cup your ass. You moan lightly and turn your head slightly to look at him and see his once blue eyes now dark with lust staring down at you.

“You’re so beautiful” he whispers before leaning down and kissing you. It starts off soft as he waits for your mouth to allow him entrance. You slide your hands into his hair and he deepens the kiss. Your mouth begins to allow his entrance, and you kiss for a moment. Your mind immediately goes to Freddie, Freddie and your son. Guilt washes over you causing you to pull away.

“I’m sorry” you begin stepping away. “I’m going through some stuff, and I thought I was ready to move on but I’m not. I can’t do this” and you walk away back to your friends.

“What happened?” Carlee asks as you slide in the booth.

“It didn’t feel right. I felt wrong for kissing him, all I was thinking about was Fred.”

_____

A few days later you are on your way to your grandparents place. You have been dreading this. You haven’t seen them since before you had Oliver, and you haven’t had a lengthy conversation with them in a few months. You arrive at their home and walk in greeting them both in hugs.

“Can’t believe you finally come visit and don’t bring our great-grandson” your grandma says.

“I know grandma but he is in Denmark with his father” you pull your phone out to show her some pictures Fred has sent you but she walks into the kitchen to finish making lunch.

“Can’t believe you let him go on a trip without you” you grandpa states.

“Well Fred is a great father so I have no reason for him to not let him go. It’s good for him to spend time with his dad.”

“It’s good for him if his parents are together” your grandpa quips.

“If his parents were in love then yes. But we aren’t going to be together just because we have a baby.”

“Well you shouldn’t have had a baby with someone you don’t love. Someone you aren’t married to” your grandma interjects.

Their judgement is one of the reasons why you don’t have the best relationship with them. They judged you for picking your profession, wanting you to be a lawyer like your father. They judged you for so many of your choices throughout your life. Your choice in friends, boyfriends and your love life was always an issue with them. They had some old school beliefs, even if you and Fred had of been dating before you got pregnant they wouldn’t have been accepting of the situation until you were married.

“Well I did grandma, can’t change that.”

“No” your grandpa says “but you could still get married now. Have you even tried to be a family?”

“It’s complicated” you reply. It’s not a lie, your relationship is extremely complicated. You are beginning to feel like maybe you should talk with Fred soon, and really explain everything that happened. Explain that you just panicked, not that you don’t want to try and see if you can be together.

“No it’s not” your grandma says “You should be with the person you have babies with. If you aren’t with them you shouldn’t have sex. We didn’t raise you to be so reckless.”

“Reckless? You guys judge me on one night. On one mistake, and I don’t even consider it a mistake because I got the most beautiful boy out of it. But I know that you consider it a mistake, that’s why I haven’t visited, and why I came without him. I spent my life being judged by you for not being good enough and I won’t have my son grow up feeling this way. I was never going to be good enough for you because my mom wasn’t good enough for my dad in your eyes.”

Tears are forming in your eyes as you continue. Your voice is now louder to an almost yell “Literally since the day I was born I haven’t been good enough for you. You hated how they raised me, how they encouraged me to make my own choices, be my own person. When they died you did everything possible to undo how they had raised me, to change me into your version of perfect.”

Tears are now rolling down your cheeks “This is who I am, you need to accept it. If you can’t accept who I am you won’t be a part of my life, and you definitely won’t be a part of Oliver’s life.” With that you storm out and get in your rental car and head to a hotel. You keep your sunglasses on as you check in to try and hide the puffiness of your eyes.

You arrive in your room and shower to try and calm yourself down. You stand in there way too long trying to de-stress and drop your blood pressure. When you get out you put on your house coat, can’t even bother to get dressed and open your tablet looking for the next flight to Pittsburgh.

You get a text from Fred and its Oliver sitting on the floor reading a book. Without thinking you press the facetime button, Fred answers on the third ring.

“Hey” he says with a big smile “how’s it going?”

“It’s alright, how is Denmark?” you say through a fake smile.

Fred walks over and sits beside Oliver “It’s been going great, everyone loves him.”

“Well how can they not? He is the best. What were you guys up to today?”

“Today was just a relaxing day with just us. We had the Uno tournament yesterday, and he was pretty tired so we are keeping it easy. We went to a park, had a nap and now we’re reading before bed.” You can hear Oliver babbling to himself as he pretends to read the book.

“Sounds like fun” you say trying to hold back a sniffle.

“Yeah. How’s Toronto? Aren’t you supposed to be going to your grandparents today?”

“Yeah I already did. It only lasted 10 minutes before I stormed out.”

“Went that good eh?”

“Yeah I’m looking to see if I can fly back tonight or tomorrow morning.”

“Wanna talk about it?” “Honestly no. I just wanted to see Ollie thought he could cheer me up.”

You talk for a little bit longer before he hangs up to get Oliver ready for bed. You manage to find a flight and fly back later that night.

Aug 3, 2022

You knock on the door. Fred was supposed to drop Oliver up the following morning but Fred asked if you could come the night before and gets him.

“Hey” he says opening the door. He is wearing navy dress pants with a white polo shirt tucked in. His hair is styled and you smell his cologne as soon as you walk in.

“Hey, you look nice” you say stepping in.

“Thanks” he runs his hand through his hair “I have a um…I have a date tonight.”

“Oh nice” you say unsure how to respond or how to feel.

“We were supposed to meet tomorrow but she switched her shift. Thanks for being flexible and being able to get him tonight” he explains.

“Yeah of course” you say picking Oliver up. “Have a good night tonight” you say as you walk out the door.

You buckle him in the car seat and start the short drive home. When you get home you sit on the couch holding Oliver in your lap. He is tired and almost asleep, you know that you should put him in his crib for the night but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Instead you sit there cuddling your son as tears begin to fall down your cheek.

I was too late, I missed my chance you think to yourself. You rock Oliver side to side as you quietly sob; you hope having him in your arms is enough to calm your emotions. You rock him until your sobs stop, long after he fell asleep.

Next Chapter

#Freddie Andersen #frederik andersen #Freddie Andersen Smut #Freddie Andersen Fic #frederik andersen smut #Frederik Andersen Fic #nhl smut #nhl fic #fred andersen #Fred Andersen Fic #frederik andersen x reader #freddie andersen x reader #fred andersen x reader #fredzilla #because two people got drunk #my writing

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niuniente · 4 years

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Anon who asked me 3 strangest (paranormal) thing ever happened to me

I’m sorry, I completely forgot that I made a promise to answer them when it’s not like 3am. But here you go now. Thanks for the ask back then, I guess it’s been 2 or 3 week already (sob, I’m sorry).

I’m actually going to tell 4 as a compensation.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Uninvited Sleepover Guest

This happened perhaps 7 years ago. I had a wide bed, wide enough for two people. I need lots of space as I toss and turn and spread like a starfish to every direction when I sleep.

I woke up and I noticed I was sleeping on my right side just at the edge of the bed. Very strange as I always sleep on my back, tangled with 8 pillows and 1-3 blankets. When I got my eyes open and realized my unnatural sleeping position, I felt how the mattress moved behind me. The same way as when someone gets up and leaves the bed. A big person, a grown up.

“Good, now it left!” I thought myself and turned around to spread all over the bed, and I fell asleep happy that I could sleep freely again. Apparently I had slept at the edge of the bed some time already and felt sore.

It wasn’t until morning when I woke up and remembered this and went “...WAIT WHAT, WHO OR WHAT WAS SLEEPING IN MY BED WITH ME?!”

I still don’t know was it something to be called what or who, because in Finnish we have 1 gender pronoun “hän” but yet everyone is simply called “se”: it. I’m it, you are it, he is it, she is it, they are it, god is it, president is it, God is it....

I don’t know either why it was on my bed. This has never happened before or after that.

Countess of Brune

This happened when I was 19 or 20. It’s a long story so I tell a short version of it.

I had vision while sleeping (not a dream). I met my inner child, who told me that I had been countess Brüne in 17th century. So in 16-something-something. I also saw a short vision of that life time.

After waking up, I had a feeling that Brüne was a German surname (so not a name of a place of a manor), and it’s written either with U or Ü. I had never heard that word before, so I wanted to research it. Back then I didn’t have good internet access. I could use my landlord’s computer and internet but only for a few minutes. I found only a short mentioning that Brune was a medieval German surname.

Fast forward to year 2019. By that time I had visited Berlin many times and wanted to start German studies, as I had fallen in love with the language. I visited nearby second hand shop and there were - first time ever - books in German, meant for teenagers. I thought I will buy one as it’s only 1 euro. It will help me with upcoming German studies.

I opened the book and saw the name of the previous owner:

Markus Brune.

The first evidence ever that Brune is a German surname. I told about this in a post here and also here . German followers told me that Brune and Brüne are indeed surnames in Germany. I did some research and found out:

- Brune/Brüne is a medieval surname which later rose to be a noble German family line. - Napoleon had an officer in his army called Brune (in 1804). He was a count.

So, Brune is a German noble family line that has counts and countesses in it.

Perhaps in some gallery or in old German manor there’s a painting of me or my husband count Brune there. I’m sure I could dig out more information if I had fluent understanding of German and money to travel freely around Germany for research.

The Shadow Creature

This happened more than 10 years ago. I woke up not feeling well and by the time I was walking to catch my bus to school I decided to skip this day. I went back home and back to bed.

As I was laying on the bed I heard noise coming from the hallway. I listened it and suddenly I hear my door being opened. It’s 7am, dark winter morning. First I thought it might be my landlord but why would he come in? He has never even seen me. Then I thought it must be my mother! Perhaps she’s heading shopping to a big city and wants to see if I want to go along!

I turn on my back. My front door is behind a corner next to my bed. I see how a really tall shadow figure with no facial features sneaks in, half-crouching, behind the corner. I think it’s mom and I try to say that she can turn on the lights as I’m awake.

But I can’t speak.

The tall figure notices me. It’s skinny and it has got really long limbs. It comes very slowly to my side and bends down, just in front of my face. It curiously looks at my face tilting its head (it has no face, it’s just a shadow). It’s just a few inches away from my face when I finally manage to make “HMMH”-sound. It spooks and disappears hastily, and I get my eyes open.

I’m laying on my bed like “....Okay, that definitely wasn’t mom.”

I have seen the same figure once after that. Both of my siblings have seen it, too, in different locations. It seems to be a “race” of its own. They are harmless, curious and very shy, running away as soon as someone spots them. I heard they are curious about people who have sunny, happy energy.

I have seen one photo taken from an American man’s basement, which featured the creature. We saw the photo together with my sister and we just looked at one another and went “That’s it! That’s the Shadow Thing! I can’t believe someone has photographed it!”

Here’s the photo:

Out of Body Experience (OBE)

I had this when I was 19 or 20, in November. It’s very remarkable and long, close to near-death experiences people have. I will tell only a short version here.

I was laying on the floor on a mattress on my stomach. Suddenly I felt like someone would have been yanking my legs upward. I thought it’s not physically possible, knees can’t bend like that. On 3rd yank, I sprung out of my body.

I ended up in a place of nothing. Just darkness and not even darkness, because nothing existed there; not even the darkness. No direction, sound, temperature, weight.... Nothing. I heard later that this is the space between physical and death realm but I didn’t know where I was.

“Oh fuck, I’m out of my body!” I said to myself. I could feel that my body is somewhere really far away, like on the other side of the globe. I had no idea how I can get back.

I had learned about angels as guardian spirits so I yelled them to help me. Two gigantic(!) angel men, one with blond hair and one with brown, came to me immediately. Brown haired guy took my left hand, blond my right. Suddenly I was out, in a summer scenery and I was watching myself from 3rd person perspective. I had 360 degree vision with no limitation, which I had never heard (I heard about it from NDE-person when I was 30. She had experienced the same. Until that I thought I had imagined it).

I thought that I what if my hand slips? If it slips, will I be yanked somewhere horrible again? The blond angel heard my thoughts and said to me; “Don’t worry; I can carry you.”

Then we were back in the dark nothingness with him and he was holding me in his arms. He was so huge I fitted his upper arms and my hands didn’t reach even near around his neck. He was probably 5-6 meters/ 16.5 - 20f tall. I was boggled that he was so kind and concerned of me. I managed to say my thanks and tell him that I’m really scared and would like to go back home.

“I’ll take you there,” he said.

I saw my body and my vision was spinning as I came back. I felt how I was placed gently within my body. I could see cupboards and the whole room, even when my eyes were closed. When I was placed back to my body, the angel said “Ok. Now you can start to gently wake up”.

My eyes shot open but my vision didn’t change, as I had already seen the room with eyes closed.

I was so afraid it would happen again I didn’t dare to go to sleep for hours. I later learned that the blond angel is my guardian angel.

#paranormal

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avengersthingsithink · 5 years

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Steve Rogers x Teen!Stark!reader Happy Birthday Cap

Requested, based on this imagine. This is a platonic fic bc reader is underage okay bye luv u btw this fic is late ik sorry and i have no facts in here lol please enjoy oh and I can’t write and this fic is long sorry :)

I was chilling on the couch enjoying my summer by watching Friends, when Steve walked in, plopping on the chair beside me sighing. “What’s up Cap?” I asked, muting the TV.

“Nothing.” he replied, but his somber expression said otherwise. “Come one you look like you just punched a dog, what’s wrong?” he looked up from the floor. He looked at me for a second before looking back down. “It’s stupid.”

I scoffed. “Steve, If something or someone made you upset it is not stupid to me, now spill.” He looked at me. “Please?” He sighed, before crossing his arms. “There was this candy shop Buck and I used to go to growing up, it was one of those one’s that you see in those movies about the 30′s,” I nodded. “ It’s just an abandoned building now, but I found out that they’re tearing it down for a hotel.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry Steve.” I said giving him a hug. “It’s okay, just a part of getting old I guess.” he laughed, but I knew it was forced. “I could get my dad to buy the land if you want? We could open a cool little shop.” He laughed again, a real one this time. “No it’s fine. Thank you for listening though, and not thinking it was stupid.” “Of course it’s not stupid! It’s from your childhood!”

He patted my head before standing up. “Why is Friends muted?” Sam asked walking into the room. “Started talking about whoop whoop and Steve got uncomfortable.” I said standing up. “(Name)!” Steve exclaimed, causing me to run into the hallway. I heard Sam teasing Steve before closing my door. “Jarvis? Can you show me the store Cap was talking about?” “Of course ma’am,” He gave you an address and the information on the company who owns it, and the schedule to demolish it.

________________________________________________________________

The next day you were at the Store with the company manager, I adjusted my sunglasses as he was currently blabbing about how the building was too old and the plans for the hotel. “And the hotel will-” “Let me just stop you there bud, I already know everything that is going to happen, I just want to look at the buildings that you will be destroying here, so if you could just stay out here I’d appreciate it.” I said closing the old candy store door in his face.

I might have been a little rude but what kind of adult speaks of this place like a teenage girls going to invest in it? I maybe a Stark but still. “Alright Jarvis, what do we have here? Anything cool I can make out of this place?” I said scanning the room, looking at the candy containers and other knick knacks left behind. “The building has western platform framing, little damage, no termites.” “Could I use this wood to build a bookshelf?” I asked looking at the counter, the glasses scanned the piece. “Yes, the wood hasn’t been damaged.”

“Good” I looked around a little more before walking up the stairs. Looking around I found an old game machine. “What do we have here Jarvis?” “It appears to be a pinball machine.” “Anything that isn’t obvious?” I asked. “A Five Star Final Jr. pinball machine from 1932.” “Sounds like it could be worth something, doesn’t matter though cause it will be in Steve’s possession tomorrow.” I said to myself, before picking up said (heavy) machine. I struggled down the stairs and out the front door, seeing the company manager standing where I left him.

“Put this in my truck would ya? I’m weak and young” I said handing it to him. “U-Uh yes Ms.Stark.” I looked around, seeing some construction workers. I approached. “Excuse me, do one of you have a hammer I could borrow?” They looked at me before laughing. I rolled my eyes. “Typical” I said before grabbing one out of the bag next to one of them. “Hey! What are you doing?” One of them yelled. “Your job!”

I walked back into the ‘store’ walking to the counter before ripping it up, putting the wood in a pile. I looked at the door when I was finished seeing the manager and workers standing there. “You going to help me put these in my truck or get out the way. They quickly scrambled grabbing the wood and running out the door. “That’s what I thought.”

________________________________________________________________

After getting everything I needed from the building I went to an antique store, finding some vinyls and books he didn’t already have.

I finally got home, making sure I had a tarp over my trunk so no one could see what I got. Now I just had to sneak from the garage to my room without being caught by Steve. The elevator ride to the hallway was easy, but when the doors opened I listened for movement in the living room. Not hearing any I bolted from the elevator to my door.

“(Name)?” I froze turning to see Steve in the doorway of the living room.

“Where were you?” “The Dog store.” “Dog store?” “Yeah It’s like a new thing it’s separate stores of different animals so If you’re allergic to one animal you don’t have to be near them.” “Really? Where is it?”

“Oh uh downtown? I don’t remember, I was trying to go to Walgreens but found it and got distracted, because I wanted a dog.” “So is a dog in one of those bags?” He gestured to my bags. “They are dog...ceramics instead, because I am not ready to take care of a dog yet. So I’m going to put these up, bye!” I ran into my room to avoid further questioning. I sighed after closing the door.

________________________________________________________________

I woke up the next morning at 3am to make sure I finished sorting everything before Steve woke up, which usually is 5am on weekdays. I cleaned up the pinball machine before wrapping it, putting it in my room. Then I brought the wood up to the workshop where I found my dad working on something. “What are you doing up kid? And where did you get all the wood? Normal parents don’t have to asked that (Name).” He said picking up one of the planks, examining it.

“Normal kids aren’t Starks.” I replied pulling out my tools. “Touche,” He paused, sitting in the seat in front of my table. “So, what are you doing with a pile of wood at 4 in the morning?” He asked. “I am making a bookshelf.” “For Cap?” “Yeah, he was saying that he needed one so I figured I’d make one.” “Where’d you get the wood from?” “Some building that’s being demolished, went in, stole some planks, and bolted.” I answered, putting my gloves on.

“That’s my girl.” He said, standing up. “I’m going to get to bed, good luck kid.” “Thanks dad.” He turned on some music for me before leaving, while I got to work.

________________________________________________________________

After a couple of hours I finished the bookshelf, wrapping it like a pro. I saw it was 7am, and decided to pass out on the couch. I was woke up to someone shaking me. “Huh?” I rubbed my eyes, looking at the person who woke me up. “Oh, Happy Birthday Steve!” I said sitting up. “Thanks, what are you doing on the couch?” He asked, sitting next to me. “I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday, but then I fell asleep.” I said with a face that showed I was disappointed in myself.

He laughed, setting the cup of coffee he had on the table. “Don’t worry, you were the first.” “I was?” I asked excitedly, he nodded, causing me to laugh. “Yes!” Nat and Sam walked into the room, getting their morning coffee. “Happy Birthday Cap.” They both said. “hehe I was first” I said quietly, causing Steve to chuckle, before going to my room to get cleaned up for the day.

________________________________________________________________

We spent the day outside, having a true American 4th of July, because Steve didn’t to make a big deal about his birthday but I sure was gonna. BBQ, yard games, and swimming in the pool I made my dad put outside. Around dinner, we gave Steve our presents. “I’m last!” I yelled, dragging my stuff to the backyard. I put the bookshelf in Steve’s room, bringing everything else outside, setting them on the table with the other presents. “(Name), ” Everyone laughed at the amount of things I had.

“I’m last.” I said again sitting down. He opened everyone else’s gifts, and at last it was my turn. “Alright (Name) what did you do?” Sam asked as I plopped the gift in front of Steve. “I saw and I got.” I replied. “She’s definitely a Stark.” Clint said. He opened the vinyls first, then the books. “What is this?” Steve asked, grabbing the wrapped pinball machine. He unwrapped the the paper. “A Five Star Final.” “What?” Sam looked at it confused.

“It’s a pinball machine” I replied. “It looks just like the one I played with when I was a kid.” Steve said. “Welllllll, It might be the one?” Steve looked at me. “I found it in the candy store.” “You went there?” “I was curious.” He stood up, giving me a big hug. “Thank you.” “Of course.” “Are we missing something here?” Clint asked. “You kids wouldn’t understand.” I said, letting go of Steve. “Happy Birthday Steve!” I said, everyone else yelling ‘happy birthday’ too.

________________________________________________________________

I was in my room, when Steve knocked on my door. “What’s in my room?” He asked. “Oh yeah!” I ran to his room, seeing the present still wrapped. “I didn’t want to flex too hard in front of everybody.” “What?” “Just open it! Open open open open op-” “Okay okay!” He laughed tearing the patriotic paper. “A bookshelf?” “That I made, from the counter of the shop.” “(Name).” “You didn’t want me to buy the store, so I did the next best thing I could think of.”

He gave me a hug, more bear-like then the one before. “Thank you so much (Name), I don’t think anyone’s has ever put so much thought into my gifts before.” I smiled, squeezing Steve as hard as I could, causing him to let out a laugh.

“Now you have to get me the best present for my birthday.”

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graciouslypure · 4 years

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To VBAC or....... not?

16th June 2020

Its RMCO, I am 40 weeks pregnant with no signs of delivery. That Zuhr, due to GDM, I dragged my reluctant self to the hospital. My husband and I- with a whirlpool of emotions, looked at our firstborn, vividly waving as we reversed the car out. After this, it will never be the same...

Since the 'no husband allowed' rule took place at the hospital, I braved my way into the PAC alone. I looked at my husband ardently, seek for his forgiveness, asked for his du'as and walked out of the car. By Asr, I was in the waiting room. Met few friends while waiting to be warded. We exchanged experiences. The supposedly tensed wait becomes bearable. I learned on breast feeding disciplines of pumping, to be mentally ready for the journey, how to not get constipated by taking grapes, how to push the baby, and 101 other tales. We had our fair share of laughs and thoughts. By Isya', I was called out upstairs.

Now. This is a totally new experience! I always have this idea whereby you'll get some signs to pop, like the normal pecah ketuban or turun darah, then you directly go for labour. But here I am. With a lot of mothers, of different cases, warded before going off for labour. I slept through the night with another set of new friends not knowing what tomorrow will bring...

17th June 2020

"Puan, kita cek CTG dan BP ye." I was notified on my high BP since 39th week during my last check up. The trend continues...

That Subuh, the doctor waked me up to induce labour. In the treatment room, another doctor tried 'buka jalan' Allahuakbar! I screamed a bit and straight away I was 3cm dilated. Ok, so you dont have to be induced ya? We'll wait till 5cm and send you to the labour room.

Happily I went to bed and start mingling with everyone. I met my click from downstairs in different rooms of the ward. I went to different rooms to use the washroom, and met with different stories.

This mother lost her baby at 6 months. She came to scan gender of the baby, and during the scan, her baby was no more.

This mother fell at 7 months, and needed to be warded for monitoring.

This mother have a breech baby. She's 37 weeks and needs to wait till her baby engaged.

This mother had her fourth baby. But only plans to breastfeed her baby at the hospital. Previous babies and mastitis caused her to underwent nipple incision on her left breast.

I treasure all these stories as every pregnancy and birth is unique.

Come Maghrib, I started to feel the contraction. I asked for second check and I was only 4cm dilated. Blood clumps started to come out when I peed. Then I quickly perform my Isya prayers as the pain became intense in a jiffy. I slowly walked up and down the partition to ease labour. Tears started to well up. I climbed up the bed and contraction comes twice in half an hour. The kakak beside my bed urged me to notify the nurse or the doctor but instead I slept through the pain...

18th June 2020

It's around 3am when I woke to pee. More blood clumps were seen and as pain intensifies, I called out the nurse to check my dilation. It's already 5cm. I thank this particular nurse for attending to me and made effort to call and check on the availability of the labour room. Around 4am, I had doctors and nurses attending to me in the labour room.

The first doctor artificially break the water and had to wait till 9am to see if I dilate to 9 or 10cm. The wait was horrendous. I experience contraction every 10 minutes! By 7am, I had two nubains, no petidine, no laughing gas, no epidural. I requested for a c-sec.

Tak boleh bedah suka-suka ye puan, ctg cantik ni, kita tunggu lagi.. By then, the pain was 10/10. My legs shivered. I was frantic. Puan jangan jerit ye, nanti habis tenaga nak push.

I begged a nurse to hold my hand. Tolong pegang tangan saya, nurse, (nope, not your favorite patient. Haha) but she went. Ya Allah adik, kuat sangat sakit awak ni, selawat adik... that comforted me enough. Composed, with a lot of painful tears, I practised the breathing technique again. But not for long..

Dr. Please! Saya nak caeser.

Three doctors came in, checked my openings, asked me to push when I was dilated to 9cm. It was 9 am -ish. (Clock was in front of me,). Kejap tengah contraction. Ye puan, push masa contraction. (Haha) I could barely hold my breath for 3 seconds. No cant do. A lady doctor said. Cervix, 1. I dont know what the medical terms mean throughout the active labor... "kita tunggu sejam lagi ye puan," "oh nooooo!"

Dr., saya dah tak boleh tahan lagi sejam, saya nak caeser.

Puan betul nak caeser?

Yes!

He briefed me, I signed few forms. They pushed me to the OT.

Dejavu..

To be continued.

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sneakers-and-shakes · 4 years

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Local Night Owl Tries To Be Morning Person

As you have probably figured out from the title, I’m not a morning person. I have seen more sunrises from staying up all night than waking up early in the morning and I love it. So naturally, I decided to challenge myself and wake up at 7 am everyday, for a week. Twice.

Let me explain. Mornings for me have always been very functional, I get up at the time I need to in order to be on time. So around forty minutes to do my stretches, get ready, eat something real quick, and get out the door for work which runs me mostly on time.

It’s a habit I’ve carried on from high school when I would get maybe four hours of sleep, so in order to maximize my shut eye I would get up at the last possible minute that still ensured I got to school on time.

Now, this isn’t my life anymore, I don’t need to be maximizing sleep. So I thought maybe I can actually try and make the most of my morning. Maybe. I started by creating some goals, what I thought/want to get out of waking up early:

I realize this is a hefty list for someone who is the epitome of a night owl, but this is genuinely what I want to accomplish, and these are goals which means they are meant to be worked towards.

And then I decided to wake up at 7am for a week. Back in May.

Since you’re reading this in June, clearly it didn’t go well. The main reason was because I had to unexpectedly move last month and that threw everything for a loop so I ended up dropping the already failing challenge to focus on the move.

But I still want to share that experience with you because it was my honest first try at this so here’s my journaling from the 3 days I tried the challenge:

Journal Entry Day 1: Sunday:

I failed. I could not get up at 7am even though I was conscious enough to turn off my alarm. This is a probably a mixture of the fact that I stayed up till 3am the night before and I always sleep in on the weekends and can’t motivate myself to get up if I don’t have any plans. I actually got out of bed at 12:30 pm today and am so disappointed in myself. This is not a great start to this week and I’m debating starting over next week instead. I wanted to do so many things and not being able to do them they way I wanted is very discouraging.

As you can see the first day didn’t go well at all. In fact, I failed so spectacularly that I almost scraped the whole idea for this week and considered doing it the following week instead. Then I thought that I shouldn’t let this stop me and if this is going to be an honest post of my true experience, I need to share my failure. And so even though I wasn’t happy with myself, I decided to keep pushing on.

Journal Entry Day 2: Monday:

Well something is better than nothing, got out of bed at 7:40am. I stayed up till 3:30am the previous night reading (this is really quite a trend I’ve adopted) so getting up today was harder knowing that I could actually be getting more substantial sleep.

But at least I woke up earlier than usual and did have time to do both my morning stretches and a ten-minute core workout. I also managed to journal for a little bit, including this entry, but I definitely feel the pressure of time and can’t really take things as slow as I had hoped. Nonetheless, despite feeling rushed, this is progress from before.

I used to get up at 7am when I had to actually drive to work, but in the month or so I’ve been in quarantine, working from home has pushed that time by at least an hour (and usually more). I was able to get some things done on Day 2 despite the late wake up. I know this was heavily influenced by my 3:30am bedtime, but there were times (as my alarm periodically woke me up) where I could have gotten up had I pushed myself but I couldn’t do it, feeling the need for more sleep winning over.

I knew this was a mental hurdle but it felt all the more prominent as I had trouble convincing myself that it’s worth it to get up instead of keep sleeping.

Journal Entry Day 3: Tuesday:

Well I got up at 7:30 today, almost by mistake. It’s become second nature for me to ignore my alarms but somehow I happened to check right at 7:30. The tug of sleep is real. I had a hard time opening my eyes and getting myself to actually get up and move. I wasn’t even that tired, I just really wanted to sleep…

Somehow I’ve gotten myself up, it wasn’t bad five minutes into it when I was doing my stretches though. And from there I managed another ten minute workout and have been able to journal too. It’s definitely nicer to have more time today than I did yesterday. I don’t really feel the need to pick out my outfit (since I’m quarantining) so the next 15-20 minutes or so have opened up.

Adding an extra half hour to my normal forty minute morning routine was something I had been tossing around in my head as I started this. That was what I was actually going to implement into my life after this week long challenge was over. Mistakenly, I was able to test it out on Day 3 to see if I would have enough time with the extra half hour to accomplish the things I wanted.

It turned out alright, but I was aware of the fact that I am still mostly running on time with the added workout and journaling and still didn’t have the leisure time to take things slow the way I had hoped. However, my focus and goal for this challenge was to actually wake up at 7 which as of Day 3 I had not done. But still it was progress compared to the previous two days.

As you can see it was not successful. But it taught me a lot about myself and the habits I’ve created that are the hardest to fight.

-I stay up late most nights, the true night owl shining through, and that prevents me from waking up early

-I still hold on to the mentality that if I can sleep more and still get things done then I should sleep more (hence me running on time even though I was able to get things done)

-Actually getting out of bed is the hardest part, once I’m up and active I’m okay, but that first act is the hardest

-I expect myself to snooze, always have which is why I set alarms before I’m supposed to get up so I can snooze them, but it’s created the habit of me not getting up immediately which is probably why getting out of bed is so hard.

Keeping these things in mind I decided to try again, a week ago, to see if maybe I could do it better the second time around. But this time I decided to focus on only the work week, keeping the challenge to 5 days. I also decided to couple this with a morning routine of sorts to make me feel a little better, things I’d let slip since quarantine.

Now a lot of those probably sound obvious, but small things, intentionally done, create big differences. And I just needed to create a routine to hold myself accountable too. Plus. I work really well with lists so I thought this would be beneficial.

And now, for round 2:

Day 1: Monday:

I was conscious enough at 7am to know I should get up but ended up sleeping an extra 25 minutes. I went to sleep at 2 in the morning so that might have been a factor. But even then I know it has more to do with knowing I didn’t HAVE to get up that early. But I was able to get all the things on my morning list done.

Day 2: Tuesday:

Went to sleep at 3am so really couldn’t get myself up at 7am. I wasn’t even truly awake until 7:45 and didn’t make it out of bed till 8. I was still able to get my morning list done though.

Day 3: Wednesday:

Got up at 7:25 this morning, remember being somewhat conscious of my 7am alarm but once again couldn’t get my self out of bed earlier than I needed to knowing I could still accomplish my list without getting up at 7am.

Day 4: Thursday:

Got out of bed at 7:35 this morning even though I woke up at 6:30 wide awake because of some noise outside. But once I realized I had half an hour left, I went back to sleep and this happened. Once again was able to complete my morning routine.

Day 5: Friday:

I don’t know what I did yesterday that made me so tired that I just could not get myself out of bed. I became conscious at 7:45 and didn’t get out of bed till 8:10. I was so tired, even more so than what I usually feel when I wake up. I didn’t got to sleep that late, around 1:30 or so but I really struggled this morning. Today is the first true flop of the week. I got my morning stuff done, after I started working and if I hadn’t been working from home I would not have been able to do more than just my stretches. It’s actually really disappointing.

(Note: I ended up staying up till 6am, had there been a day 6 I would have failed even more)

As you can see, I fell back into the same patterns. True that I’m (for the most part) able to consistently get up early, but only early enough to accomplish my routine. What I haven't accomplished is the "taking it slow" thing that morning people do.

While there are some parts of my morning routine that do force me to slow down, it's not quite what I had envisioned. And I know this is because my morning is still very functional. I've listed out my morning routine and while it's definitely more positive, I'm still only getting up early enough to do those things.

Then again, I’m not a morning person and I don’t think a week can change that. I still view the night as my area of enjoyment where I can relax, read, write, do whatever at my own pace in comfort.

And that’s okay. I don’t think this needs to completely change me as a person. I know that I don’t want to give up the night the way I would need to to wake up early and while my heart and mind lay in the night I will never be able to truly become a morning person.

Your mindset and intention has everything to do in developing new habits or changing old ones and I know that where I’m at and what I’ve accomplished is what I could given those two things.

So yes, I did fail this challenge, but I’ve still walked away with a better, more positive, lifestyle experience. And moving forward, I will find a compromise between sleeping in and waking up early, perhaps some days I allow myself to stay up late and sleep in the next morning and other days go to bed on time to wake up early.

And there you have it, a night owl tries desperately to be a morning person and…somewhat succeeds? It’s not a white or black answer but a shade of grey as most things in life, and it’s been my honest, real experience.

I hope you guys enjoyed! This was a long one I know, but regardless I hope you got something out of it! If you’re a night owl and want to try this challenge out then please share with me your experience! And if you’re a morning person, please share your tips!

As always, thanks for reading!

See ya in the next one!

#lifstyle #blog #mornings #night owl #wake up #challenge #self improvement #self care #positive changes

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callalilyy · 5 years

Text

I’m nothing - part 2 - Yandere Jimin

- 14. "I feel so afraid every time I see you with others."

- 15. " don't leave me alone again. I need you to be with me."

I can't stop writing soft Jimin. Help me

"Okay, so what are the rules Min?" You tried to look stern and serious which was so hard to do whenever you saw him.

"I can only call twice and only if I'm really worried. I won't come unless you need me to. I won't pester you about everything that happened when you get home and I'll be calm and relaxed."

You smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you."

He smiled back, "I don't want you to leave me."

"It's only for a few hours."

He shook his head. "I mean I don't want you to leave me."

"Oh."

He looked at you somberly. "I don't want to scare you away. Tonight will be really hard for me but I don't want to bother you."

"You don't bother me Jimin. I just...need time away sometimes."

"I know. I really hope you have a good time."

"I'm sure I'll have an even better time when I come home to you."

He smiled. "I love you. Please be safe."

You kissed him gently. "I love you. Please be calm."

——————-

One call down, only one more to go.

You were beginning to wonder how long Jimin could wait before calling.

A few minutes past midnight he couldn't take it anymore.

He wanted to know when you'd be home.

You were still at your friends house having fun so you told him not to wait up.

Those words were most likely wasted, there's no way Jimin would sleep until you were home and safe.

It was around 3am when you got your third call.

"I know I promised. I know and I'm sorry but..it's getting late chubs. I can't sleep until you're safe with me. Are you coming home soon?"

You sighed. "Jimin. I'm having a really good time. I really missed my friends."

"But don't you miss me too?"

You fought a smile. "Of course I do." You paused. "Please get some sleep. I'll be home soon."

He mumbled something inaudibly, "I love you."

"I love you. Goodnight Jimin."

You hung up and went back to the living room as your friends popped in a movie.

————

You sleepily stumbled into your apartment at 7am.

"Finally!" Jimin shouted taking you off guard.

"Jimin. Don't tell me you stayed up this whole time."

He stood there silently before pulling you into a hug. "How was your night?"

"I had sooo much fun baby."

"Oh." He began to pull away but you kept your hold on him.

"But of course all I could do was think about my love Jimin. I missed you."

He smiled. "Really?"

"Duh." You squeezed him tightly and kissed him. "I missed you so much Minnie."

"Let's go to bed hm?" He took your hand and led you to the bedroom.

You slipped out of your shoes and clothes quickly changing before getting in bed.

You and Jimin cuddled before he fell asleep almost immediately proving your suspicion that he hadn't gone to sleep.

You sighed and rolled over quickly drifting into a slumber.

————

You woke up around noon and rolled over in your bed. You groaned exhaustedly.

You stretched out your hand looking for your boyfriend but the bed was empty.

You sat up rubbing the sleep out of your eyes before you climbed out of bed.

You began to head to the kitchen when something tugged at your ankle.

You reluctantly looked down already knowing what it was.

You tugged at your pants and the cool metal burned your skin.

You've seen the handcuffs and chain in the closet a few times but you just thought it was something Jimin would want to try in bed.

Not like this.

You sat down and fiddled with the chain trying everything you could to get free.

How could Jimin do this to you?

This wasn't him.

Not Jimin.

"I feel so afraid every time I see you with others."

"Jimin. Please. What's happening? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Your friends want to take you from me again. You're mine. I don't want to share you anymore."

"You could've just told me that."

He shook his head, "I know how happy you are when you're with them. I can't let you leave me. I love you so much. Don't leave me alone again. I need you to be with me."

"Jimin, you need to let me go."

"I can't. You'll definitely leave me now. You think I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. You’re mine and you’ll stay with me. Always.”

#bts #bts jhope #bts v #bts imagine #bts jimin #bts jin #bts jungkook #bts rm #bts suga #bts reaction #park jimin #jimin #yandere jimin #yandere bts #bts yandere #yandere park jimin

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mega-postshits-blog · 4 years

Text

Scouts

So when I was about 7 years old I went on a survival camping trip with the scouts, we went to some woods in the middle of nowhere and we stayed in a cabin but did a lot of camp building exercises and slept in our tents outside.

Anyway, the sun was starting to go down and we sat around cooking beans in tins over a fire. I took my tin of beans and as i grabbed it it was still hot and i burnt my hand. I dropped the tin but managed to catch it with my other hand. We didn’t have can openers on this trip so it had been cut open with a knife and was really sharp on the top. As I caught it I cut my thumb off, I was really worried I would get in trouble and my scout leader was coming over to check on me so i panicked and shoved my severed thumb into my asshole.

I then sat on the hand where it was cut to stop it from bleeding a lot and tried to eat my beans with one hand and try not to cry.

After a while it started to go numb so i sorta forgot I had cut my thumb off and went to bed normally that night. (I had wrapped my hand up in the toilet straight after dinner to stop the bleeding and that had pretty much worked)

I woke up at about 3am and had the worst stomach ache and pain in my ass, I thought “shit I gotta take a dump quick” I ran to the toilet clutching my ass as i went. I got onto the toilet and took the biggest dump of my life. I felt so much relief after that dump and tried to flush afterwards but it clogging the toilet. I didnt know what to do so i just ran back to bed and pretended to be asleep, I couldnt get back to sleep after that so i was just hiding under the blankets until 7am when the scout master came to wake us up.

He suddenly shouted about there being water on the floor coming out of the bathroom, everyone got up in a shock so i also played along and pretended to be shocked about this. We all had to leave the cabin while he and the other scout leaders unclogged the toilet. I looked down at my hand and remembered that I had cut my thumb off and it was in my ass and that must have clogged the toilet.

After about 15 minutes the scout master came out looking pale and made us all hold out our hands, He immediately saw that i had my hand wrapped and took me with him to the back of the cabin to talk to me privately.

Then he put his hand on my shoulder and sighed. He then dropped his pants and shoved my thumb into his ass. “You should have told me you were also into thumb shitting” he then squatted down and took a fat shit on the floor.

#storytime #shitpost #relatable

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leejeongz · 5 years

Text

Stray kids reaction to their s/o waking them up to cuddle

💓okay so an anon requested this and now I just??? Can’t find it?? I’m sorry Hun!!💓

😯sorry for any mistakes in this, I proof read in a rush I promise I’ll re read later!!!😯

Bang Chan:

A peaceful Chan slept next to you in a huge black hoodie, sweats and fluffy socks while you lay restlessly awake in nothing but the thin hoodie you’d brought to the dorms with you. You decided to wake up your boyfriend by tapping him on his shoulder, if he didn’t wake up to that then you knew it was time to give up because you knew he didn’t sleep much.

“What’s up sweetie, hey you look cold wait there” no matter how tired he was, he threw the covers off himself and grabbed some clothes much like his. He handed them to you and told you to change into them. When you returned back to his small bed he was already almost asleep again. He pulled you into his chest and rested a hand on the back of your head playing with your hair slightly. Occasionally, he pressed a kiss on the top of your head and whispered I love you thinking you were asleep. When you replied with “I love you too” one time he just went really blushy and held you even tighter than before.

Woojin:

After a long day working all you wanted was a cuddle from your loving boyfriend woojin however when you returned home in the evening, he was passed out on the couch. As selfish as it was, you still woke him up by pretty much lying on top of him.

“Oh baby you’re home!” He said excitedly as if he hadn’t been sleeping for the past two hours. “I accidentally fell asleep while working on the choreography” he pointed at the radio playing their new song on repeat.

He knew exactly what you wanted and turned around, opening his arms as he did so. You lay on his chest for what seemed like hours yet neither slept or talked, just enjoyed each other’s presence. When it reached dinner time, Woojin tapped your shoulder and asked what take away you wanted since you could stay cuddling until it arrived instead of having to cook.

Lee Know:

You woke up at 2am thinking you’d had the best nights sleep and that it was 7am or something reasonable, not 2am. 3am soon came around after endless tossing and turning and you were worried you’d wake up Minho, but it was too late.

“Y/n? Aren’t you asleep yet?” He asked sleepily, yawning at the end of his sentence.

You explained your situation as he turned over to face you. You soon felt his arm go over your waist and pull you in gently. Although you didn’t purposefully wake him up, you were kind of happy he did wake up.

“If I cuddle you, you’ll sleep, I know you too well baby” he said before kissing your forehead, suggesting that you should try and sleep now you were in his arms.

Changbin:

It was his own fault, he made you watch that really scary horror movie. You were basically screaming his name to wake up.

“What is it?” He asked with a sharp tone.

“I can’t sleep because of that movie... can you... cuddle me please?” You asked apprehensively.

Changbin wasn’t much of a cuddler in bed at night, he just wanted to sleep. But tonight, he could see you genuinely wanted a cuddle so he asked you to turn over (mainly so you couldn’t see his blush) and he wrapped his figure around yours. Soon you heard snoring in your ear so you looked over to see changbin sleeping with a smile on his face. You kissed his smile and he, to your surprise, silently mouthed “I love you.”

You smiled to yourself as you turned over and it’s fair to say that Changbin loved to cuddle at night from that moment on.

(This gif doesn’t fit but I love it so?)

Hyunjin:

“Hyunjin I need cuddles” your text read. Admittedly it was kinda late at night but Hyunjin was normally awake now.

Truth was, at the dorms the boys were all sound asleep after a long day of filming for their next comeback. The ping of his phone woke one of his roomies so they woke Hyunjin. Through tired eyes he read your request and started to put on presentable clothes to leave the dorms in while replying to your message. When questioned by all the members he woke up, he responded with the honest answer “y/n wants cuddles and so do I why would I miss this chance?” Which all the members agreed with. He arrived at your house about half an hour after the text and you opened the door. He greeted you with a hug and a gentle “hello baby.” No other words were needed until you were both tucked up in bed tangled in each other’s limbs.

“Thank you Hyunjin, I needed you here” you whispered into his chest.

“Well you have me whenever prince/princess” he said before kissing your forehead.

Han:

Normally it was you struggling to get him to sleep but tonight it was him. You worked and worked and worked on a piece of work due the next day until your eyes couldn’t take it anymore. You tuned to Jisung to see him fast asleep on your bed cuddling your teddy bear. Oh how envious you were of that bear right now but he looked so peaceful you didn’t want to wake him now. You kissed his head and tucked him into the covers being careful not to wake him before you went to do your night routine. Little did you know he’d woken up and wanted more of those cute kisses so he stretched out and grabbed your hand as you walked away.

“You’re tired y/n just come to bed, I know you want my cuddles”

You thought for a second, it was only one night of not putting face cream on it couldn’t hurt. You hopped into your bed and nestled into Jisung.

“You’re right, I do” his arrogance made you want them more and BOY did you want them in the first place never mind now.

Felix:

Felix was usually the cuddly one in this relationship, why were you awake at 3am with no muscular arms wrapped around you. You turned over to see Felix wasn’t even in bed. You quickly shot out of bed and into the living room where your boyfriend was fast asleep on the couch with a chocolate bar on the floor next to him. Admittedly he did look uncomfortable and suddenly your need for cuddles disappeared, you just wanted him to rest well and in a better position than the one he was screwed up in now so you woke him up.

“Y/n?” He asked while stretching out and scrambling to his feet “is that you?”

“Yes baby, why aren’t you in bed? Come on” you grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the bedroom.

He didn’t answer you but you gathered he probably couldn’t sleep so he went to get food and passed out on the way back. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was asleep again, this time with you in his arms and his face 2mm away from yours.

(Why does Felix look like he has Dad hands compared to Changbin wtf?)

Seungmin:

Tonight was VERY cold and Seungmin was just fast asleep. How could he do that in such adverse conditions? You got up to turn the heating up, not caring of the huge bill you’d get at the end of the month when you heard footsteps following you. You turned around to see Seungmin shivering. He’d heard you get out of bed and woke up, worried about you not being able to sleep.

“Hey I was just coming to you that” he said pointing at the switch when really was only out of bed for you. You smirked a little, a plan coming together.

“Yeah... it’s broke I guess we’ll have to survive without it” you said mischievously and slugged back to bed with your best acting skills.

You got back into bed and seungmin followed, enveloping you leaving you to be the little spoon. You lay there for a while, content as ever before seungmin spoke up.

“I know the heating works y/n, I had it on earlier.” He said pretty loudly. “But I went along with it because I wanted to cuddle too” he whispered into your ear and pressing a kiss up against it sending the right kind of shivers down your spine. After a night of the cold shivers, this was just what you needed.

I.N:

Your first time sleeping in the same bed next to each other at night time and Jeongin was asleep before you even joined him. Something’s not right. You energetically shook Jeongin until he awoke.

“Can we cuddle pleaseeee?” You begged as he began to wake up still shaking him.

“If I say yes will you stop shaking me?” He pleaded jokingly.

You sunk into the bed next to him as he turned onto his front and put his arm over you. Maybe some others wouldn’t consider this cuddling but you gathered it was the most you were gonna get. You began to drift into a sleep when you were suddenly awoken by shaking.

“Sunshine... will you cuddle me now pleaseeeeee?” He mocked, knowing exactly how annoying he was being but continuing anyway.

Gifs aren’t mine

#stray kids #stray kids imagine #stray kids reaction #bang chan #woojin #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #han jisung #felix #seungmin #i.n

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cheolttage · 5 years

Text

Only You.

Title: Only you.

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Soulmate!AU, College!AU

Summary: “It seems like a lifetime ago that i began searching for you. You, who my love seems never ending for; that went far beyond what i thought i could love. When i am with you, i want for nothing.”

Soulmates are linked via feelings and hear can what your soulmate say in his heart (but you cannot hear him when you guys arrange any meet up, you found out from your mom that it has to happen naturally). You feel whatever your soulmate feels and your soulmate feels whatever you feel.

Word Count: 2.03K

p/s: sorry, it’s my first time writing and I'm really not as creative or as good of a writer as other blogs. I wrote this purely out of fun. Nevertheless, I hope anyone reading this will like it. ^____^

Time check: 3:16am in the morning. You flipped on your bed with the comfort of air conditioning against the merciless summer heat even though it was night. You were on your bed since 11pm trying to sleep; even the bedsheet that felt cool to the skin initially warmed up from your body warmth. What is really keeping you up? You felt so vexed and irritated yet slightly emotional. But you have no idea why.

“I really want to give up”

You heard a voice from your head. Your soulmate has spoken and you finally understood your feeling now.

“Looks like i’m not the only one awake now and someone’s keeping me awake..” you muttered as you got off your bed, knowing well that you probably will not be sleeping any time soon. Stretching your limbs and with a yawn, you wobbled to the kitchen for a glass of milk.

“I wonder what’s keeping him up…” you whispered. You couldn’t help but be curious about what is keeping your soulmate up, so vexed and annoyed at 3am in the morning. Opening up the fridge, you took out a carton of milk and poured yourself a glass of milk before returning to your room. Slowly, you closed your room’s door and sat down before your desk.

“Where is the damn switcH” you said as you struggled to switch on the desk lamp. You decided that since you couldn’t sleep, it will be better to do something than to sit around and stare into space. Deciding on completing your bullet journal for 2019, you opened up your notebook and chose rose quartz and serenity coloured brush marker for the theme. As you started scribbling and designed your notebook, you couldn’t help but feel a wave of emotions because of your soulmate.

You flipped to a brand new page and wrote:

“It seems like a lifetime ago that i began searching for you.

You, who my love seems never ending for; that went far beyond what i thought i could love.

When i am with you, i want for nothing.”

You didn’t know where you got the idea to write that or what made you move your arms to write that but from the bottom of your heart, you wanted your soulmate to feel better and know that he is not alone no matter what he is going through.

Within 10 seconds, you got a reply.

“Thank you, i love you.”

You were a little taken back from his reply because you weren’t sure if what you wrote down will be guaranteed conveyed to him. Afterall, you wrote it down and not think about it out loud.

“You heard that?”

“Yes dummy. I heard it because you were reading it out loud in your mind. Also, we have been talking like this for almost half a year but i still have no idea what your name is.”

“Y/N.”

“Ah. Wonwoo here.”

That was cute. You were happy that your heart was conveyed to him and that he even took a step forward to start calling you names. Not to mention you finally know his name! Your heart was truly bubbling with happiness and you felt fuzzy because, It sounds silly, but little things like these are what pulled people closer together. You were 100% sure that he could feel how happy you are.

“What’s up? You seem really happy.”

“Nothing! Just watching a romance movie.” You lied smoothly, you weren’t sure if he will fall for it but you decided to go with it because you didn’t want to let your feelings known so early.. Yet.

“Sure.”

You heard the sarcasm in his words but decided to brush it off because you were simply too happy to care. Funny, because you were feeling happy but mixed with slight frustration. But you can also sense that the feeling of frustration seems to be fading and you felt even happier to know that your soulmate seems to be less vexed now at least.

“Go to sleep early.”

“You too! Stay positive, things will eventually work out.” You beamed at the thought of your soulmate.

“Alright, i will talk to you again tomorrow.”

“Later you mean? It’s already a brand new day.”

“Right. Later. See you!”

You smiled as you closed your notebook shut before you switched off the desk lamp and dive into the comfort of your bed. Within a few minutes, you drifted off to sleep.

You woke up at exactly 7am ready for school, but feeling lethargic as you were you sat on your bed with your eyes closed for another few minutes; mentally cursing yourself for sleeping this late.

“Tired?”

You shot up at your soulmate’s words and rushed to the toilet, preparing for school.

“No!”

“Sure.” He teased.

You grabbed your breakfast left on the dining table and your bag before you rushed out to school. Time check: 8:20am you are 10 minutes away from being late and you are just outside the campus library. You were literally scrambling to the lecture theatre and you really couldn’t be bothered about how much of a mess you look like at all now. As you ran past the library’s door, the door flunk open and a tall boy walked out. Before you could look up, you felt your head hit his chest.

“AH. I’m sorry!!! I gotta go, i’m late for class!” You said as you looked up.

Damn. He looks great.

But you were really in a rush to continue staring, before the boy can even speak you already ran off like a rocket.

“Wow, she ran off already.. And who did my soulmate see that she found handsome?” Wonwoo muttered before he zoned back not knowing that whoever bumped into him was his soulmate. Before he continued walking to the canteen, he found a notebook lying on the floor.

“Huh? Whose is this…?” He picked it up, but uncertain if he should open the notebook to check whose notebook it was.

“I don’t think it’s nice to open someone’s notebook without permission.. But how else can i return it?” Wonwoo muttered as he fiddled with the notebook.

“Whatever, i should return it.”

Deciding on returning the notebook, he opened up the notebook and flipped a few pages before he stopped on one page.

It read:

It seems like a lifetime ago that i began searching for you.

You, who my love seems never ending for; that went far beyond what i thought i could love.

When i am with you, i want for nothing.

Wonwoo’s eyes widen as he pushed his spectacles up. He found you.

The clock struck 12 noon as lecture has ended, you started packing up your lecture materials before you head to the canteen for lunch and then head home. However, you realised your notebook is missing and started panicking.

“Oh my goodness, where is my notebook?” You whispered as you searched your bag. The more you searched, the more you panic. Suddenly, you heard a voice in your head.

“Looks like someone lost her notebook?”

What? How did he know? Oh, right he can feel whatever you feel maybe that’s why he knows that you lost your notebook.

“Gosh, all my schedules are inside.. What am i gonna do with it now?”

No, wait. Hold up, how did he specifically know that it’s your NOTEBOOK?

“How did you know?!”

“Because i have it.”

Your eyes widened as you gasped.

“Where did i drop it?!”

“This morning.”

You traced back your memory before remembering that you bumped into a guy outside the library this morning.

“WHAT. That was you?!” you gasped trying to remember how he looked like. Though he was extremely good looking, you couldn’t remember the face of a guy you met for perhaps, 20 seconds.

“Yes. Since we can’t arrange a meet up, my favourite place is the campus library.”

You seemed to get the hint though you weren’t sure what time to go. But you decided to try your luck every morning anyway. Before you got your notebook back, you can only rely on your memory for the schedules.

The following day, you can to school extra early and by 7.30am you were already in the campus library and even chose a seat that is eye-catching from every corner deliberately so that Wonwoo will be able to see you.

You waited and waited. It was already 8.15am, you really have to head to class but Wonwoo wasn’t there. You knew he wasn’t there even though you weren’t exactly sure how he looked like but you just knew. You stood up and walked to the door, looking down, to exit feeling defeated. Yet again, before you knew it, the door swung open and you bumped into a tall guy.

“Where are you going, Y/N? Don’t you want your notebook back?”

You were shocked to hear your name as you looked up. A tall guy wearing spectacles and holding a pink notebook. It was the guy from yesterday, your soulmate! Your heart bloomed in happiness almost immediately.

“W-Wonwoo?”

“Hi Y/N, thank you for finding me good-looking.”

“W-wha-what?” you stuttered while blushing furiously.

“I heard your heart yesterday when you bumped into me yesterday at roughly the same timing.”

Your face was completely red by now and you were so embarrassed.

“C-can i have my notebook back? I have to go for class! Um, i will see you around i guess.” you muttered before grabbing your notebook and sped off.

Wonwoo turned to the way you sped off as his lips curled into a smile.

Cute.

You settled down once you reached the lecture theatre and you opened your notebook. You were extremely surprised to find a post-it on the page you written your feelings on.

“To. Y/N

Hi Y/N~ I’m Wonwoo! Here is my number.

XXX-XXXXXX-XX

Text me soon!”

Your lips curled into a smile as you closed your notebook, ready for lesson. The entire lecture, your mind kept drifting elsewhere and you couldn’t pay attention at all.

“Hey, listen during lecture.”

You were surprised to hear Wonwoo’s voice, nevertheless you tried your best to pay attention until lecture is over.

“I can’t focus.”

“Just listen! Remember to text me too.”

After hearing his words, you started to get impatient, waiting for lecture to end. Once lecture ended, you took your phone out immediately and keyed in his number before you texted Wonwoo.

“I’m Y/N. I just ended lecture.”

“That’s great, i’m already at the canteen. Come look for me.”

You bit your lip as you strutted towards the canteen, feeling like your heart is about to rupture. As you approach the canteen, you weren’t sure where he was especially when there were so many people. But as you looked around, a boy wearing a grey sweater with spectacles caught your eye.

There he was. You walked towards him and took a seat in front of him as you looked down feeling extremely shy.

“Hi.. I’m Y/N”

“You sound cuter in person. Looks like you are a year 1 student?”

His words caught your attention as you looked up feeling confused,

“Are you not year 1?”

You weren’t sure about his age at all, you just assumed that he was the same age as you. The only thing you knew was that he was in the same college as you. You laughed as at how silly you were, automatically assuming he was the same age as you after knowing he was in the same college as you.

“Y/N, i’m about to graduate.”

You widen your eyes, if you could verbally say “???” you totally would.

“I automatically assumed you were my age… then i thought you might be a year or two older than me. I just didn’t think you’d be a graduating student..”

Wonwoo smiled as he reached for your hands.

“Graduating or not, i will be seeing you for the rest of my life.”

You subconsciously break into a smile as you held his hand back.

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athousandfootsteps · 5 years

Text

30th May 2019

It is currently Day 3 of my journey. We have been in Hollywood for 2 days now and are leaving today to go to Anaheim because tomorrow we are going to Disneyland!!

On Tuesday when we arrived, Mum and I were so tired that we went to sleep early. We caught the Flyaway bus from the airport to Hollywood and Vine and then walked to our hotel which was about a 20 minute walk. My bags are so heavy and it was so uncomfortable. Then we went to Taco Bell just down the road, but the Taco Bell didn’t live up to what I thought it would. They didn’t really have burrito bowls like Guzman y Gomez, I remember liking it a lot better last time. But then after that we had our first trip to Walgreens and bought some stuff, then we walked around Hollywood for a while, we saw the stars on the walk of fame, we saw the Chinese Theatre, we saw all the other theatres and even saw Vin Diesel and Jamie Foxx at a Star Ceremony!

We got tired really quickly and made our way back to the hotel via Trader Joes which I really wanted to go to because people I watch on Youtube talk about going there. Trader Joes is a grocery store which sells a lot of organic products, it is a little bit expensive, but there are no other supermarkets around where we are staying so we haven’t had a choice.

For the rest of the day we just cooked and slept and then got up early for our big next day.

Yesterday, 29th of May, we got up early and had breakfast and then headed down to Hollywood because we had a sight seeing tour booked. We were early so we walked around and took some photos. I am taking mostly film photos but I am also taking some on my phone.

The tour started late because we were waiting for another group to arrive who didn’t even show up. But we left and soon realised that we had been lied to by the guy that sold us the tickets because we didn’t get out to take photos, we didn’t go to Bel Air or up close to the Hollywood sign. But we got a tour of West Hollywood, Beverly Hills residential and business district and we got to take a picture of the Hollywood sign from a distance. The bus driver made a diversion to Bel Air because Mum and I kept asking if we were going there. So I got to see the Bel Air sign and take a picture of the gate and see it, which was nice since it was the whole reason we booked the tour.

We didn’t realise that we had to tip the driver when we booked the tour, but I tipped him $15 and Mum tipped him $11.

After the tour, we stopped for lunch which we had prepared, I just had a sanga and Mum ate leftover food. Then we went to Madame Tussards which I had never been to before. I saw all of the wax sculptures which looked so realistic of famous people. There were only a few I did not know. I had fun pretending to pose with the famous people and especially in the horror section. Then we went on this interactive Avengers movie which I didn’t really like because my 3D glasses didn’t work properly and I didn’t like water spraying on me or things touching me.

Then after Madame Tussards we caught the train out to Santa Monica and walked along the pier for a bit which was really pretty, but I was just getting really tired and wanted to go back to the hotel to eat, cook, shower and sleep.

We also saw Jimmy Kimmel Live in Hollywood, his star is just outside the studio.

First time on a Los Angeles train!

Santa Monica pier.

It took us like 2 1/2 hours to get back from Santa Monica as we also stopped at Trader Joes and Walgreens again on the way back to pick up a couple of things. We ate, cooked and then pretty much just went to bed.

I didn’t get a good sleep again because I was woken up at 3am by the man across the hall from us talking really loudly on the phone and he was on the phone for ages. Then when I finally got back to sleep, he banged on the door and woke us up at 7am. Very annoying.

Today we are catching public transport out to Anaheim which will take around 3 hours, we don’t have anything major planned for the rest of the day, maybe I can finally buy a SIM card because I’m still living on wifi which is only at hotels.

I can’t wait for Disneyland, I’ve wanted to go there for a long time. However Disneyland is very expensive to buy a ticket for and so I ended up just buying a single park pass for me and Mum from Klook, a third party website, as it was a little bit cheaper. So we will only go to the traditional Disneyland and not the California theme park next door. But that’s okay. We will still have a great time :)

#travel #united+states #summer #wanderlust #hollywood #los angeles #beverlyhills #santa monica

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littleindigochildx · 5 years

Text

I had a bad dream...👹 (drabble)

Savanna tossed and turned while she slept. Tiny whimpers escaped as her nightmare began. Maybe she wasn’t ready for horror movies just yet, but it was too late now. Chucky have invaded her dreams and was chasing her with a knife in his hand. Even Teddy couldn’t protect her from him.

“No! Stop!”

Savanna yelled out in her sleep. She kept kicking Timmy beside her, but he was so exhausted it didn’t even wake him.

“Stop! ….MOMMY!”

She called out as she jolted straight up with tears in her eyes. It took her a couple of seconds to remember where she was. The Christmas lights in the fort Clara built were enough to illuminate the room they were in, but Clara was gone. Savvy assumed her aunt had gone to bed given what time it was...3am. The witching hour to those who believed in that kind of thing.

“Timmy?”

The little brunette called out, but he was sound asleep. Timmy had his eyes covered for the scary parts of the movie so he wasn’t plagued by nightmares the way his sister was.

“Timmy?”

Savvy said again, this time with tears rolling down her cheeks. She had been to Clara’s house more times than she could count, but suddenly it seemed so scary to her. If Timmy wasn’t going to wake up she would need to venture to Clara’s room on her own...In the dark.

----------

“Aunt Clara?”

The six year old whimpered with Teddy held so tightly her knuckles had turned white. Savanna gently shook the blonde, hoping she would wake up. She just needed someone to tell her again that Chucky wasn’t real and that there was no way he would be able to find her and hurt her.

“Aunt Clara?”

She called out again. This time the blonde’s eyes fluttered open and she nearly jumped out of her skin. It had been a long time since she last woke up to a young child, in tears, standing at her bedside.

”What? What’s wrong?”

Clara was still half asleep when she sat up. She glanced at the clock and was surprised to see Savanna awake.

“I had’a bad dream.”

Savvy explained with a quivering bottom lip.

“I can’t sleep…”

She added. Clara sighed. She knew exactly why her niece couldn’t sleep. Victoria definitely wasn’t going to like this if the nightmares continued at home. She would have to fess up sooner rather than later.

”Chucky?”

Clara asked with her arms outstretched to console the scared little girl. Savanna just nodded.

”Sweetheart. It’s just a movie. I promise you and your brother are safe here. I would never let anything bad happen to you.”

She kissed the top of her nieces head and moved over to make some room. Timmy was right. Letting a six year old watch a horror film was a bad idea and this was the price she paid for it.

”It’s late. You can sleep here tonight.”

Clara yawned. She knew it was the only way either one of them would be able to go back to sleep anytime soon.

Savanna climbed into bed with Teddy, but she couldn’t shake the horrible dream from her present thoughts. She missed Victoria. She missed David. Sleep would not come easily for her, but having Clara there and knowing she was safe at least helped to put her mind at ease.

----------

Victoria got out of work around 7am. She sent Clara a text in case she was still sleeping. She assumed the kids were up past their bedtime and were probably sleeping in, as was Clara.

Txt: I just got off work. I’m going to run home to get a power nap in before I pick up Timmy and Savvy. I hope that’s okay.

Vic hit send. She knew her best friend wouldn’t mind. If she was going to be a functioning adult, she needed at least an hour of sleep. Victoria was beyond exhausted. It was like being in nursing school while raising a newborn all over again. There must have been a full moon or something because the hospital had been a lot busier than she expected it to be.

Hopefully Timmy and Savanna would be okay with a chill day because she just didn’t have the energy to keep up with them.

----------

”Aunt Clara? How come mommy isn’t here yet?”

Savanna ashed as she rested her head in her hands. She barely slept and it was definitely noticeable as she was dragging more than usual that morning.

”Mommy went home to sleep for a little bit before she comes to get you guys, so we’ll have breakfast and play here until she wakes up, sweetheart.”

Clara explained to the little girl. Savanna put her head down on the kitchen table while she poked at her breakfast but she didn’t eat much of anything.

“Is Rory gonna come play with us t’day?”

The seven year old asked. It had been a couple of days since he had last seen Rory and truth be told, he missed her.

”I don’t know, munchkin. We will see.”

Clara ruffled the little boy’s already messy hair.

”Finish up your breakfast.

The blonde instructed while she cleaned up the mess she made preparing the meal for her two little guests.

----------

“MOM!” Timmy said about two hours later when Victoria walked through the door. Savanna stared at the television like a little zombie. She was still trapped in a fog and didn’t even notice Vic was there.

”Butterfly? Aren’t you going to come say hi? Didn’t you miss me too?”

It wasn’t like Savanna to zone out the way she did. She was usually the first person to greet Victoria when the brunette came to pick them up.

”I thought I said not to keep them up all night.”

She shot her best friend a look.

”They didn’t stay up that late.”

She admitted hoping Timmy and Savvy wouldn’t blow up her spot about the horror movie they watched.

“Are we gonna go home now, mama?”

The little girl asked with a yawn. Clara didn’t live far from them, but it was highly likely the little girl would crash before they got home.

”We need to collect your things and you need to say thank you to auntie Clara for letting you sleep over last night.”

Vic instructed. Timmy had already started folding blankets and gathering his things. He even helped Savvy because he knew she was tired. She didn’t even change out of her pajamas yet.

“Thank you for lettin’ us sleep over, aunt Clara.”

Savanna said as she hugged the blonde goodbye. She had Teddy which was the most important thing. Victoria already had her overnight bag.

”Thanks again for watching them. I owe you big.”

Vic smiled. She hugged the blonde and ushered the kids to the car, making sure they were buckled in before she headed home.

“Mommy… Chucky isn’t gonna follow us home, right?”

Savanna asked. Her question made Victoria furrow her brow. She didn’t understand what Savanna was talking about because she wasn’t sure who Chucky was. She thought Savvy might be talking about a friend from school.

“I don’t want him ta kill you. I already lost my daddy...I don’t wanna lose my mommy too.”

The little girl said sadly, but before Vic had the chance to process what was said, Savvy was fast asleep.

Timmy made eye contact with Vic through the rear view mirror and shrugged.

“Aunt Clara let us watch a scary movie. I don’t think Savvy liked it much…”

@bvtterflyeffectxx @hellcclarice

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originalmemorieshere · 3 years

Text

Covid, The Aftermath Part 2

I’m sitting here on Friday night, August 20th, all alone in my thoughts. Yesterday my husband got up around 3am and he had a smoothie, then he had two cups of hot tea. By 8am Fred was awake again after a nap and seemed to have a pretty good morning. We took his blood sugar level, it was 305, and he needed 9 units of insulin. About an hour later he ate jello, three scrambled eggs, and some grapes. I really was excited that he was showing a sign of having an appetite.

All day long he drank a lot of ice water. He seemed lethargic as the day wore on. He didn’t have a lot to say and he slept a lot. He had just woken from a nap and I laid down next to him. We were just talking and all the sudden the room began to spin. I am glad I was laying down, but I was gettin nauseous from the spinning. I asked Fred if he could feel the room moving or if we were experiencing an earthquake. No, it was just me. I guess it is my nerves. I’m still coughing a lot and am pretty weak.

I can’t remember for sure, but I think he had a snack or two during the day. We had an early dinner- before 5pm. He had asked for rice and green beans. I added a salad. He ate all of it. An hour after dinner his sugar was back up into the danger zone according to his monitor we had attached earlier in the day. It was 356, so he took more insulin. By 8pm his sugar was up to 442. He took 18 units and went to bed by 9pm.

It was another night of me being on constant watch. It was after 11pm before his sugar went below 400. He was very cold and he didn’t respond when I would ask if he needed water or needed anything. I would shake him until he answered. He didn’t even get up in the night to go to the restroom. Finally, around 5am Fred woke up and went to the restroom, came back and went to sleep. He seemed out of it. His daughter had called around 5:30. He picked up the phone, looked at it and said, “no” and laid it back down. I asked him if he was going to answer and he said he didn’t feel like talking to her. He went back to sleep until 7am.

We were laying in bed talking about what we were going to do when we got up. I asked if he was ready for me to take him to the hospital. Surprising me, he agreed. We discussed the plan for him to get a shower and for us to go. I helped him with showering and dressing. I had noticed a little blood on the towel and saw that his nose was bleeding. He coughed and I also saw blood in the waste basket after he spit. Off we went after he had a banana and some ice water. His sugar was at 351 when we left the house.

This time when we went to the emergency room, I was well aware that he isn’t going to be coming home right now. I packed him a bag and made sure he had his glasses, phone, and charger. I am sitting here now, tears rolling down my face as I remember kissing him and telling him that I would see him soon as I left the emergency room, not knowing what is going to happen to him. He looked so sick, helpless, and small with that oxygen line going in his nose and him holding his ziplock bag with his identification and insurance, overnight bag at his feet. As I turned from him, I felt the tears start. I got out of there as fast as I could and out to the car.

I did hang around the area for an hour and a half in the city to see if the hospital would call, telling me to come get Fred and take him home. I tried to call Fred a few times, but he did not pick up. After two hours I called and found out that he had been admitted and had already had a lung x-ray. He had pneumonia and was waiting in the waiting room. At that point, I could do nothing but head on home because nobody is allowed to wait with the patients in the ER.

It was 5 1/2 hours later that he was finally given a bed in the ER. He called me after he had been at the hospital 8 hours, but it was a strange call. He said that he had been told by an Indian nurse that I told her he was just tired and lazy, she kept asking him things like what his temperature had been in the morning, saying he should know, and questioning him on what medications he was taking. I don’t know what all she said, because he was so irritated by it all, that he wasn’t making sense. He told her that they had a list of his medications from when he had been in last week and she still pressed him on it. He told another nurse that he did not want to have that nurse in his area again. He said she was being rude to him and he was pretty upset by her whole demeanor.

When I had called this morning for the update, I hadn’t spoken to anyone with an accent, nor had that discussion even happened. Why would I tell a nurse he was just tired and lazy?

After we hung up, I was upset that he hadn’t eaten since before we left the house and he had no water or anything to drink since then. At that point, I called down to the ER and did speak with a woman (was it her?) who did have a thick accent who told me that he was in room 261 and no longer in the ER. Now, I was really confused. I called him back and he said he was still in room 19 ER and that the Indian lady had better stay away from him. He also told me that he was hungry and thirsty and was going out to find someone to give him some water.

Sometime after 6pm tonight he finally got into a room in the regular hospital. He still hadn’t eaten anything and was really hungry. I was on the phone with him a little after 7:30pm when a nurse came in to check him in and told him that the kitchen was probably closed. How could a man be in their care for over 11 hours with no food? She told him that she would see if she could get him a sandwich and he said that he couldn’t swallow the bread, so he asked for jello. She offered to bring him some ice cream and he asked if he could have two.

Last I spoke to him our plan is for me to do a couple errands around the house in the morning, go to the dump, and then go on to stay with him for a while. He’s going to get me list of what he wants me to bring for him to snack on. This day has not been the best, but at least I know he is going to get the care he needs to get well and be able to come home.

#originalmemorieshere #covid #pneumonia

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cow5secondchance · 3 years

Text

Episode 5 - What If I Say My Name Is Lorde - Captain

Format: The Greenhouse

Eliminated: Blake (Venus Flytrap)

CAPTAIN

waking up to read that there is a tie between my bestie, mario and kaleigh and that i was the original target <3 see. i told yall when every time someone said i'm safe, i'm not. and now i'm pissed so i'm gonna just copy everything i wrote in my confessional here. THEY FUCKING WANTED ME OUT FIRST THEN THEY SWITCHED TO JENNET u see that?? u see how they’re scared of two pocs besties working tgt they told jennet they’re not on my priority list well stop dming me while i sleep maybe fuckers? these whites are fucking fake and so self-centered do i need to beg every white american to talk to me at 3am my time? girl no yea they wanted to target me at first because blake must think he’s not on my priority list for sure self-centered gay u’d love to see it huh i’m gonna venus flytrap that white ass

i mean i'm happy i survived but it won't be the same without my bestie jennet. we've been wanting to play together and our time was cut short because some white gays are so insecure and self-centered? so they decided to go for pocs? cute look on you babes.

#JusticeForJENNET https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/831702842733232148/842243242359128084/goodbye_bestie.mp4

XAVIER

We could have handled last round better

youtube

CAPTAIN

blake is why people are homophobic. period.

lots of details in my DR in the server i couldn't bring myself to do another entry because i was confused about all that "talk" but to sum up, nicole told me everything and blake told me everything too. he straight went up to me and said sorry i said ur name :why: and because i didn't tell me what went on (because i forgot.. like i don't think about this game all day. i also have something to do in my life) and i didn't tell him that i was in another alliance. as if he would tell me like PLS. ur just so entitled.

XAVIER

Blake has been going to us (Greenhouse) apologizing for his words during the call. I think Blake is scrambling. It is too much for just one sentence said during the call. Overcompensating, I think. Now Captain wants to target Nicole and Blake. Jarod wants to target Lindsay and William. I like Jarod, but he definitely is playing two sides now. Being on our (Greenhouse) side, but also on the side of Jarod-Blake-Autumn (though not too sure anymore how strong Autumn is with that trio). Captain wants to try a POC alliance. If Autumn is open, and if Jennet or Mario are the ones who come back from the buy back, that might actually work. And it would be very cool to see that happen.

JAROD

youtube

LORDE

what if i say that my name is lorde and my secret word is captain.. lets just do that

CAPTAIN

daisy and lanie coming back... hmm idk we're still need to wait and see if they want to work with me or not. i didn't do anything wrong to daisy so she might want to work with me. lanie tho, i voted her out but i literally explained everything that went down that round to her and threw will under the bus a bit. but will she want to work with me? idk. and i know blake is gunning for a flytrap so i need to get it or he'll flytrap my asian ass.

AUTUMN

youtube

CAPTAIN

okay lanie told me that she told william she didn't wanna do me in the first vote but of course, i didn't get told that. and it made sense cause like lanie played with me so she should know that our timezones are different and it is hard for me to talk to ppl when i go to bed. we'll see how it goes.

XAVIER

So I checked out early last night because I wanted to watch Ragnarok on Netflix and didn't want to keep checking my phone. I thought when today came around, there would be more people who have played. Um... just one other? 2 rounds? And no one online to play? I tried approaching Kaleigh and Lindsay but no response yet. I guess no one wants to look like they want it too much? But hello, we are in a game, of course everyone wants it. There are a lot of, let's just see what happens, instead of going for it. Maybe the VFT plays into that because it is in play as both Captain and Blake want it. And my fear is if I make it in the GH, nom Blake, he gets the VFT and use it on me again. Ha ha what a trip if that happens.

So I wasn't going to play but Nyx messaged and said they wanted to play. But they wanted to rig it. I didn't want to, I want a chance to win of course. And I did :) Hope they aren't too bummed about it. I am in the GH I think, with at least 3 (Nyx beat Lanie) points. I know Jarod is in there too by beating Daisy.

Two Greenhouses in a row, but hope history doesn't repeat!

youtube

CAPTAIN

last night before i went to sleep, i thought to myself what if i get the one that nom ppl and the nominee will get a seed to nom me so i could get another seed. then, i went to bed thinking it might be a bit too much. but BOOM, i woke up today and saw jarod have this same plan so that's good. we communicate telepathically it seems. i just need to win the seed count comp and get 2 more seeds but like idk about my puzzle ability GRRRR!! but i'll try my best. i just wanna get the flytrap before i get flytrap'ed out.

LORDE

i'm cosplaying as lorde again and lorde wishes captain a successful bidding tmr

CAPTAIN

yall idk if my puzzle time would be good enough to win seeds and i just found out william has 0 seed

LANIE

IM BACK IN THE GAME AND WE’RE IN A GREENHOUSE ROUND! BRO GREENHOUSE IS MY SHIT it’s such a good format ahhh. None of these hoes know the greenhouse like I do honey. I’ve played it like 18 times.... probably the most out of everyone.. and IM A HOST OF THE ORG PLZ AND IM PLAYING AN IRL GREENHOUSE WITH TAYLOR ON THE 29TH AHH But on a serious note, I’m back in the game and I don’t trust ANYONE on my tribe that voted me out, especially my love William. Love him as a person but I’m gonna get him in this game at some point, you wait and see! He just agreed to throw the RPS challenge to make up for voting me out but HONEY IT’S NOT ENOUGH LMAO. He’s probably on the bottom of my trust list. At this point in time, I trust Jarod, Daisy, Lindsey, Captain, and Blake (even though the last two voted me off, but they were told convoluted information so I don’t blame them). I will work with Nyx but I don’t trust Nyx as much as I would like. I want to talk to Kaleigh more, and idk Xavier well but we’ll talk I’m sure. For this greenhouse round, Jarod is sunflower meaning he can put up TWO houseguests. HES PUTTING UP CAPTAIN AND I! But this is a strategy. There’s a power called the Flytrap, which the holder can use to take out any single person that they want. Captain has enough seeds to buy the flytrap, but so does Blake. WHOEVER WINS THE FLYTRAP WILL LIKELY LEAVE ME SAFE because I trust both Blake and Captain. People are gonna see Jarod put up two allies and flip their shit, but trust that this is all in typical Greenhouse strategy hehehe.

CAPTAIN

yes its time for an update! a lot has happened since yesterday... so lets begin with last night, i went to sleep and had the auction in my mind SDFSDFSD i actually woke up before my alarm went off like twice. the first time, i woke up and checked my phone.. it was like 7am and then i went to bed and i dreamed that the auction was already over and i missed everything DSFDFSDFSDF PLEASE! so i woke up right after and phew it was only 8.15am methinks so like 45 more minutes.. anyways!!! blake dm'ed me before the bidding and told me he would go for a flytrap... i mean i know that already and he said he wanted it because its been on his mind. PLEASE its been haunting me since last season.. and i didn't reply to him but i was talking to lanie about seeds too and i think lanie told blake i asked her for seeds? so blake came to me again and said 'Not you asking people for seeds' or something. like mister. and what about it? lanie knew about my plan of getting the flytrap and u just didn't know about it. so just sit down and relax god damn. oh and i found out will won the seed comp which was a no no cause will would give his seeds to blake for sure. and before the auction began, i think blake would have like 15 seeds? but he actually had 18 seeds. i was so lucky i outbid him. whew. and like he told me he had only 2 ppl giving him seeds while everyone prob gave me their seeds. and um? what about it? do i need to feel bad for you when you literally targeted me last round? white twink tears i guess. he tried to get me to promise that i won't flytrap him out but i haven't promised him. i said i'm down but its not a promise right? so yea i would flytrap him out. while lanie is in my dm like don't flytrap blake she loves him. MISS THING. I JUST TOLD YOU HE TARGETED ME LAST ROUND???? like god.

hey i'm back!! i know that blake would prob give someone his seeds that he has so we have to be careful about that in next week. imma need to try to win the greenhouse comp. fingers crossed for me tho besties. this is for jennet. everything i do in this game is gonna be for jennet. no one can mess with my sister/bestie. and once you do that, you just cross the line.

i'm sorry if i come off a bit aggressive.. i don't wanna be that but you know theres something about white men that is wrong.

heyyy god i'm just so proud with myself. i actually outdid myself and i just wanna go further than this. i wanna beat my old placement.

DAISY

youtube

CAPTAIN

missing jennet hours

#cowsecondchance #episodes

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looselucy · 6 years

Photo

February

The plan was never to fall asleep there. So when I awoke at 7am, freezing in the middle of a fucking field, I almost leapt out of my bloody skin.

My eyes went wide as I tucked the sleeping bag tighter to me, still in the camping chair, looking around me and trying to piece together the evening before like I had been drinking, which I definitely hadn’t, I was just so confused. Everything felt very unfamiliar. But once I glanced to my side and spotted Harry, everything made sense again. Everything sunk in and the puzzle pieced itself together, and I knew where I was, I remembered the evening before, and I felt ten million times better. Still, it was damn freezing, and it was early, far too early. I wasn’t really aware of what time we had fallen asleep, but it must have been at least 3am. I was running off little sleep, and what sleep I had got was in a tiny, uncomfortable chair, in a god damn field, on the 5th of February. “Fuck.” I grunted. The sky was a single shade of grey, like there was a chance of it snowing again, which is the only way our scenario could get worse. Harry snoring wasn’t helping. I got to my feet, whilst they were still in the bottom of the sleeping back, shuffling awkwardly over to his slumbering frame and trying my best to extend my leg and kick him gently, just to wake him. It took a few attempts, my fists gripped tight around the top of the sleeping bag, because the thought of being any colder than I already was, was enough to make me weep. After possibly the fifth kick, Harry shuddered and bolted his eyes open, whipping his legs back towards him, his body almost folding together, just as alarmed as I had been when I first woke up. “What the fuck?” He whined, looking around with tight eyes. He finally looked up to me, and I saw relief wash over him in the same way seeing him had done the same for me. Suddenly things made a little more sense. “Mornin’.” I giggled. “What the fuuuuuck?” He repeated. “We fell asleep.” “I feel like I’ve been hit by a fucking bus.” I stood staring as he sat upright, looking around, still taking in the strange scenario. I mean, it had been weird enough anyway, stargazing, sitting and talking until the early hours, me and Harry of all people. But the fact we had nodded off only enforced how strange it was, and made it even stranger. “It’s freezing.” I shivered. “We need to go. I need my bed. What the fuck? This is like the worst comedown ever, except without the fun drugs part!” I rolled my eyes and kicked him again, before shuffling back over to my chair and folding it up, wanting to hurry up and get the hell out of there before I froze to death. Harry had a little more guts than I did, because as soon as he was on his feet, he got straight out of his sleeping bag, which meant he could move and pack up pretty easily, whereas I was waddling all over the show, still freezing anyhow. There wasn’t much to gather, so within a couple of minutes we were done, and ready to go back to the car. But Harry didn’t move, he just stared at me blankly, again. “What?” I gawped. “I’m not willing to walk across this field at half the pace I usually would, just because you won’t get out of your fucking sleeping bag.” “It’s cold.” I said plainly. “You’re right, Pip-Squeak. In fact, I’d say it’s near glacial. So don’t fuck about, get out of the sleeping bag and get a fucking move on.” He was trying to be as playful as he could, but I knew I was annoying him, so I just took a big gulp and stepped out of the fabric, feeling his eyes burn me as I hunched it up and tucked it under my arm. Once I was ready to walk I looked back at him. He gave me the fakest smirk of all time, before tutting and storming off in the predicted right direction, I was just going to have to take his lead. I tried to keep up with his giant steps at the same time I treading very carefully, because I knew if I was to fall over like I had done on the way in there, it wouldn’t be too much of a laughing matter the second time round. Harry was in no mood. I wasn’t a morning person, never had been, but Harry was taking it to a new level. We made the walk in about ten minutes, back through the trees and finally at the small, poor excuse for a carpark. The only car there was Harry’s, but I’d never been so grateful to see a vehicle before. We threw our stuff into his boot and clambered in the front. Fleetwood Mac started playing as soon as Harry flicked on the engine, but I only got a snippet of a song before Harry turned it off, sighing heavily and running a hand through his curls before placing both hands on the wheel, and taking off. “Sorry.” He mumbled once we were back on the road. “I’m a shit person on no sleep.” “Thought you were mad at me.” “No, I’m not. I’m sorry.” I concentrated on the road, a little worried that Harry could nod off at any second, and never before had I had such a strong feeling that a driver literally had my life in their hands. “Y’know what’s weird?” I smiled. “A couple of days ago, that kind of interaction was completely normal between us. I kind of... I hated the thought of you being mad at me.” “Y’know what I hate?” He mulled. “How right everyone was about the fact we would get on. I hate being wrong. Ed constantly told me we were alike. Now I know we are and it drives me mad that I was wrong.” “Urgh. Same. We’ve really let ourselves down by being friends.” “Haven’t we just?” He grinned. We didn’t speak again, we didn’t really have the energy to. I kept one eye on Harry, occasionally his blinks were a little drawn out, but he managed to stay awake throughout the drive, and I was very proud of him at the same time as being very grateful, now going from worrying for my life to being thankful for my life. That’s how much I was expecting Harry to nod off. To the point where I actually felt like I owed him my life. We probably shouldn’t have got in that car in the first place. But it was done, and as soon we pulled up outside his home it was like such a sight had never been so familiar, so warm and inviting. We left all our crap in the car and rushed indoors, even though it must have taken just a few minutes, it felt like a lifetime before I was actually back in Harry’s room, with a quick, very vital, trip to the toilet beforehand. When I got back into his room, Harry had settled into his spot on the floor. “What the fuck are you doing?” I shot. “What?” “Get in your own bed, you idiot.” “Fuck off, Pip-Squeak.” He groaned. “Look, you’re in a bad mood, you’ve had hardly any sleep, will you please just get in your own bed?” There was a war going on in his head, how much he felt like he should be polite and let me have his bed, but how much he craved to be between his own sheets. But I wasn’t budging either, we were both as stubborn as each other. He huffed, but he got up, and I smirked smugly to myself, just about to settle down on the floor before he spoke. “Just get in bed.” He groaned, clambering across to the far side. “Huh?” “It’s a pretty big bed, and we’re not twelve. Just get in bed.” He tucked himself up and flipped out the duvet on my side of the bed as I stood looking at the appealing spot, Harry already close to nodding off. I couldn’t say no. I took off my coat and jacket and clambered in, not even bothering to take off any other item of clothing and get in my PJ’s, because I was completely done. I was exhausted, and I couldn’t turn down being in a bed. I stayed on my side of the bed, and Harry stayed on his, tucked against the wall, asleep in seconds. + + + There was an Irish voice in the distance. Faint and mumbling and definitely, 100% trying to wake me up. It showed me that Niall didn’t know his audience. “Hellooooooo?” I heard. “Wake up, sleepy heads.” “Fuck off, Niall.” I heard from beside me. “It’s three in the afternoon, little ones, and I have plans for us so you have to get up.” I opened one eye, and closed it straight away. Niall was incredibly close to my face, bending over to get even closer to us, to taunt us with his low voice. “Go hang out with Naomi or something.” I felt Harry roll towards the wall. “She’s working and I’m bored. Come onnnnnnn. Pippa? Pippa are you awake?” “No.” I groaned. “I have a hunch you’re lying to me.” “I’m fast asleep.” “Why? Do you have any idea what time it is?” “Yes. You told us.” Harry shot so he was facing the ceiling, and I finally opened my eyes. “It’s three o’clock.” “Well then GET THE FUCK UP!” Neither of us replied, we both pretended to fall back asleep, and just for good measure, I decided to add a fake snoring noise. The weird part was, Harry did exactly the same thing, at exactly the same time. We both shot our eyes open and burst out laughing, creasing and bending over and clutching at our stomachs, suddenly pretty awake, and glad of it. “You two are weird.” Niall sighed eventually. “Now get up and get dressed, we’re about to have lots of fun.” He walked out of Harry’s room, shaking his head as he went, me and Harry still laughing away to ourselves, but kind of calming down, still tucked up and toasty, not really wanting to get out of bed. But we both knew it would probably be a good idea; our sleeping patterns were probably already in absolute tatters, never mind if we stayed in bed any longer. “Bloody hell.” He sighed once we were totally calm. “What’s Niall going to make us do?” “Fuck knows. He once came into my room at like, stupid o’clock in the morning, and took me to the zoo for the day. So, you never know.” I couldn’t be arsed doing anything. I just wanted to stay in bed. Not even to sleep! Harry had a giant TV on the wall at the foot on his bed, which looked so appealing, all I wanted to do was put on a nice film and snuggle up all day. But no. I had only met Niall Horan once before, and he was absolutely ruining my day. I cursed loudly and then jumped out of bed as quickly as I could, because otherwise I wouldn’t have got out at all. It had to be done in a quick, sharp movement. Harry soon followed. I grabbed some clothes out of my bag and shimmied off into the bathroom to dress myself, scraping my hair into a ponytail, because it was far too greasy to have down at that stage. I probably really needed a shower, but it would just have to wait. Harry had his own little bathroom in his home, which was very handy in such circumstances. It also meant I had set up a little home for my makeup, which I knew, even though I hadn’t seen it, Harry had rolled his eyes at. I didn’t care though.I put on a little makeup once I was clothed, stretching out my face in all different directions to do it correctly, when there was a knock on the door. “Pip-Squeak, hurry up! I’m desperate for a piss.” “I’m sorting out my face.” “Your face is fine! Now hurry up, we need to go, and I’m going to piss on the floor.” “Go to the other bathroom!” I tried, like I owned the place. “My dad’s in there. Do you really think I hadn’t thought of that? Jesus wept, Pip-Squeak. There’s a mirror out here. OH GOD, NO, PIPPA I’M BEING SERIOUS. IT MIGHT BE A POO.” I swung the door open and Harry stood writhing on the spot with his legs crossed, like an absolute toddler. I stood in the doorway, just to drag out his misery a little more. “You’re grim.” I told him. “I will poo with you in the room I swear to god, move.” I dodged out his way, feeling the force as soon as he slammed the door behind me. It was only then it sunk in that me and Harry actually lived together. I somehow completely forgot about that fact, so many times. I wondered why he seemed so comfortable talking about bloody pooing with me, when I was a guest at his house and we had barely spoke before that. It was just that automatic thing when it came to living with someone, it was so normal, even if it was me and Harry. I had felt as though that week was special, living with him. But I lived with him all the time. I had been living with him since November. I couldn’t quite grasp it. I bounced down the stairs, not noticing at the time how completely comfortable I had become in his house, how it had only taken me a few days to completely settle, how even the morning previous I had held back before I walked into the kitchen. I’m not sure if it was because Niall was there too, but I bounced into that kitchen like I would at home. “-so I said to her,” Niall was half way through a story to Ben and Kev as I walked in. “If you can’t drink Guinness then I don’t want to know about it.” “You didn’t tell her you had a girlfriend?” Kev chuckled. “Girls in clubs don’t take that as a valid reason, they think you’re lying. So, I thought I would make me turning her down more about how she was against myself and all other Irish people, because she didn’t like Guinness. She ended up getting upset and saying that I shouldn’t insinuate she was a racist. So I laughed in her face and drank the rest of my pint.” Kev and Ben listened to him and stared at him with total admiration. It was easy to see how much they loved Niall, how close Niall was with the two of them. I liked that. I had good friends back home, but none of them blended into my family in the way Niall was doing. I guess that’s why I was glad I had Liam, even though he hadn’t been around for so many years. “Good morning, Pippa.” Ben greeted once he had got over Niall’s bizarre tale. “Well, afternoon. We heard you come in at silly o’clock this morning. Where did you get to?” “We fell asleep in the bloody field.” I groaned, sitting in the seat next to Niall. “Awful experience. Never again. Not without a tent, at least.” “Not even with a tent.” He huffed, getting to his feet. “Do you want some tea?” “Yes please!” “NO, PIPPA! THERE IS NO TIME FOR TEA!” Niall slammed. I liked everything about Niall, I noticed. His attitude, his boisterous manners, his face, his look on life and his humour. He was just nice. Just an all-round nice person, from what I had seen. “Where are we even going?” I laughed. “You will see very soon. Once Harry’s here, we’ll make a move.” Now that I was actually up and out of bed, I was kind of looking forward to what Niall had planned for us. I was kind of hoping he would do a repeat of the trip to the zoo. “Tell you what,” Ben said, flicking the kettle on. “We have one of those portable mug things for hot drinks that you can take with you. Sound good?” “You’re a man after my heart, Ben.” He laughed a little, then began searching through some cupboards, not entirely sure where the item was. We all chatted casually for a little while, and I was beginning to become a little concerned as to how fit a state Harry’s stomach was in, since he was still on the toilet. I tried to shake off the thought of Harry’s bowels and get back into the swing of the conversation, but the main thing that niggled on my mind was how much I wanted Harry to be downstairs with us, how much I liked his company. The sudden switch was messing my with head. He eventually bounced down the stairs, wide awake and ready to go, his short hair bouncy and his tan even more noticeable than usual. He looked really good. He seemed really happy. “Afternoon.” Kev greeted him. “Afternoon.” He grinned back, walking between myself and Niall and balancing his hands on both our shoulders. “Thought you were really busy today?” “We are, but we can always spare some time for Niall.” He answered.” “And that is why, it pains me to say it, but we are going to have to get going.” Niall said with a hand on his heart. He rose to his feet, pretending to cry and then dramatically running out into the hall and through the front door, sobbing as he went. I was a little dumbfounded, but Harry’s dads and Harry himself reacted as though that was completely natural, like that was a normal thing. Every second that passed, I liked Niall more and more. “See you later!” Harry said, following Niall. “Bye!” I squeaked, scrambling up to my feet and jogging to keep up with Harry as we got out of the front door. “SHOTGUN!” Harry yelled right away. Niall was driving a BMW, which I couldn’t even comprehend. Harry was clearly well off, his family were doing very well for themselves, but even his car was a pretty typical first car. A good one, no doubt, but nothing too extraordinary. How Niall, at the age of 19, was driving a BMW, and a bright, shining, giant, new one, didn’t make much sense. “How the hell do you afford to have this car?” I baffled. “Don’t even get me started.” He huffed, as we all climbed in, me in the back. “I’m not even joking, this car is ridiculous. Naomi’s dad got it me for Christmas.” “What? Is he mad?” “Probably. He barely even knows what to do with his money. Obviously, me and Nay have been together for a really long time, so he trusts me, but... I found it hard to accept this.” He set off steadily. “How do you just say thank you for a fucking BMW, y’know? I tried to turn it down but he wasn’t having any of it. So... yeah... now I have a fucking BMW.” “People with money are weird.” I sighed. ”I know...... I CAN’T WAIT TO BE ONE!” He shone. Niall plugged in his phone and that handed it to Harry, who searched through his music selection. I watched over his shoulder, seeing him hover over Fleetwood Mac for a moment, before opting for some Foals, Niall agreeing with his choice merrily as we drove through the quiet streets of their town. “Niall, I have a question.” Harry spoke quietly halfway through the first song. “You’ll see where we’re going soon.” “No, not that. Do you like uni?” “Love it. I mean, I miss Nay all the time but, just proves to me how much I love her, y’know? Proves it’s not some childhood romance that got dragged out too long. I love her. Sorry... I just got really distracted talking about Nay. YES, I love uni.” “What about your course?” “My course? I love it. I love the freedom, it’s so different from college. I can take photos of anything I like! It’s mad. Been doing a lot of shots of houses and stuff, looking into people’s lives. It’s sick.” That chirpy mood Harry had when he first got downstairs was fading fast. He gulped and nodded, lolling his head back against the chair. His mind was a mess. He loved uni, loved the friends he had made, loved the location and how everything was going. The only thing that was bad for him was the reason he was actually there. His course. They just weren’t giving him the freedom he desired, something that they were offering on the same course elsewhere. I didn’t want him to leave. I really didn’t. I moved forward as much as I could and put my hand on the top of his head, ruffling his hair a little. “Play with my hair.” He demanded sadly. So I did, without a second thought. I stayed sat forward so I could play slowly with the hair on the back of his head, my fingertips occasionally meeting his neck, comforting him in the only way I could. Harry didn’t say any more about it, he didn’t explain his feelings to Niall, he didn’t explain why he had asked those questions, his mood just died. Niall didn’t call him up on it though, I think he knew it just wasn’t the time. “Y’know what, guys?” Niall sighed after a while. “I feel like I’ve hyped up this plan too much. I feel like I’ve completely overdone it. It’s not even that exciting.” “I FORGOT TO HAVE MY TEA!” I cried. “I wish I had tea.” Harry huffed. “Is there tea where we’re going?” “I don’t think so.” Niall shrugged. “We’re almost there.” I played with Harry’s hair, kind of glad we weren’t going out of town or anything because the closer we were to bed the better. I knew me and Harry would either stay awake until the early hours or crash at around 7pm, and at that stage of the day, I was hoping it would be the latter. Another couple of minutes passed before we pulled up, and the only thing in sight was a pub called The Cat and Mouse. I rolled my eyes straight away. “A pub? Really?” Harry yelled. “That was the master plan?” “Well... yeah. Of course it was. What good plan doesn’t involve a pub?” Niall seemed genuinely confused. “I wanted to go to the zoo.” I wistfully sighed. “OH MAN! Remember when I took you to the zoo? That was super romantic.” “Yes, Niall, I remember.” Harry groaned grumpily. “Oh well. Let’s go get some Guinness.” Niall ignored his tone. + + + I missed Zayn. That’s all I could think about after a couple of drinks. I missed Zayn. He had text me asking if I was safe, and I told him I was with a friend from home, to not worry about me and enjoy his holiday. The only reason I had done that was to shock him when me and Harry got back to uni and we were friends, otherwise I would have been texting him none stop. It never felt right not being in touch with Zayn. Not anymore. I had become a little distant throughout the two hours we had been there. My head was kind of all over the place. I had finally started thinking about my mum and dad rather than ignoring it, thinking maybe I should have been with my mum, comforting her. Maybe I should have gone to see my dad, to talk to him and make some sense out of everything. It started feeling like maybe I was being a little childish, ignoring it all. It helped me, of course, but did it really help anyone else? Was my mum comforted by the fact I hadn’t seen her since she broke the news the month before? I felt like an idiot. “Are there any clubs open on a Wednesday?” Niall asked Harry. “No. Thursday onward.” “I need to be in Ireland. I swear, you guys don’t know how to drink over here. Pathetic.” Harry smiled a little lowly, and I wondered if he was still thinking about the university issue or if he was just tired. A low number of beers was never going to help either matter. He turned to me, which I noticed even though I didn’t look back, eyes on my phone, wondering if I should text Zayn or my mum or my dad. Or even Grace. I missed Grace too. “You okay, Pip-Squeak?” He asked. “Mhm.” “We’ll go if you want.” There was so much concern in his voice. He knew I was feeling down, and he wasn’t feeling much better. We had done a few hours like Niall wanted, and now we were more than willing to go. Just as I was about to say yes, there was a yelling from the doorway. “STYLES AND HORAN, THE DYNAMIC DUO BACK TOGETHER AT LAST!” I knew we were stuck there for a while longer now, such was the curse of a small town. It was so easy to bump into people, hard to go to the pub without it happening to be honest. It was just like when Minnie turned up the other night. I was just happy it wasn’t her again. Both Harry and Niall leapt to their feet and ran over to the boy at the door, as I picked up my pint and swigged as much back as I physically could, watching as they shared a group hug with the boy who had yelled. “Holy shit, Matt, it’s so good to see you, what the fuck?” Harry gawped. They were overly excited. It can’t possibly have been that long since they last saw him, it wasn’t like it was some big coincidence that they were in the same pub. Hell, there must have only been around five pubs in the entire town, was it really that shocking? Everything was grinding on me. “Come sit with us!” Niall invited. “Sure, will do. Let me get a round in. Where you sat? What d’ya want?” “Over there!” Niall pointed at me. “Guinness for me.” “Fosters.” Harry smiled. ”And you, gorgeous?” The lad, Matt, grinned at me. I stiffened up and didn’t say a word. Niall grinned like an absolute idiot, whereas Harry’s eyebrows lowered, like he was confused, like he couldn’t possibly have been talking to me. He couldn’t possibly have called me gorgeous. “I’ll have a Fosters too, please.” I must have been just about audible. Matt winked and wandered off to the bar, Harry glancing quickly between the two of us, still with his eyebrows low. “You’re in there, Pip.” Niall nodded. + + + “He asked for my number.” I blushed as I got in Harry’s bed. He didn’t answer, he just took off his t-shirt, and I gave myself a good eyeful of his body before I dragged my vision to his DVD collection, smug and satisfied with the quick view I had gotten. He slumped out of his room and came back less than a minute later with sweatpants on, then going over to his DVD’s and folding his arms as he checked them out himself. “What film do you fancy? I need something nice. Like a Disney film or something.” “Disney is always a great shout.” I tucked in a little more. “Have you ever seen The Princess and The Frog?” He asked hopefully, and I swear my face completely dropped. “No, right, I know it’s one of the new ones but it’s actually really good. You should give it a chance.” My opinions on young Harry Styles had changed in almost every way since Monday, but this was something special. I loved that film, I bloody loved that film, and hearing Harry defend it in exactly the way I had done a million times over made me like him more than ever before. “Harry, The Princess and The Frog is one of my favourite films of all time.” “What? Are you serious?” He smiled. “It’s a classic that is completely slept on. If it had been released in the early nineties people would rave about it more.” “Exactly! You’re fucking spot on, Pip-Squeak. How were we ever not friends? Doesn’t make any sense.” He grabbed the DVD and excitedly opened the case, taking out the disk and practically jumping up and down as he slotted it in the side of his TV, before jumping onto the bed and crawling onto his side, tucking himself in and getting snug next to me. Sharing a bed with him was suddenly a lot more normal than expected, when that morning it had been such a debate whether I should get in or not, this time it wasn’t even a question. I couldn’t help but wonder why me and Harry were progressing so quickly. Why it was suddenly so fucking normal for us to feel so close, so comfortable, so normal. I felt like our stargazing helped. A lot. We chatted about the film as it went on, and around halfway through, I asked him a question, one I was desperate to. “Are you gunna drop out of uni?” He sunk into the sheets like he didn’t care about the film suddenly, and I didn’t want to start a conversation and then only half listen. So I sunk too, and we lay on our sides, facing one another, yet Harry wasn’t looking at me. He kept his eyes down. “I might do.” He breathed sadly. “It’s not my number one plan but... I dunno. Maybe it’s for the best.” “A week ago I would have been cheering but... I don’t want you to go.” I whispered. “I don’t want to either.” He whispered back to me. “I just have to do what’s best for me. I have to learn. I need to learn. I need to progress and I’m not doing that there. I just... I feel really at home there now, y’know? Especially now, with me and you getting on so well... That’s completely got rid of the only other thing I hated about uni.” I moved my hands, my fingers accidentally brushing against the warm skin of his butterfly tattoo. My breath shuddered as skin met skin, Harry biting his lip gently. “M’sorry.” He didn’t say anything, once again he stayed quiet, releasing his lip as quickly as he had gripped it, maybe nudging a little closer to me, or maybe I just imagined that. “Are you okay, Pip-Squeak? You seemed sad tonight.” “I’m fine.” “Well… you’re not. It would be weird if you were.” “Huh?” “This is not how you wanted to spend your reading week, Pip. You wanted to spend it with your family. Any idiot could see that.” A tear slipped from my eye, but Harry didn’t mention it, I don’t think he dared, he ignored it and I was really thankful he did, because I cried far too often and I bloody hated myself for it. I didn’t need Harry there, pointing it out. “I’m glad I’m here.” I hushed. Harry took his thumb and wiped at the second tear, still not saying a thing about it, but clearing my face, comforting me. The backs of his fingers were cold, they pressed softly to my cheek as his thumb took care of my heartbroken tears. “I’m glad you’re here too.” His low voice called. We fell asleep that night, in the same position, facing one another, and once in the middle of the night I woke up, when I felt his hand on my waist.

#I love this one and I hope you do too #DON'T FORGET HOW FOND I AM OF FEEDBACK #LIVE FOR THAT SHIT #1DFF #Harry Styles #BB16

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