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annab-nana · 1 year

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okay this is gonna be a huge request but can we get an angst prompt, 11. “can you shut up for once in your life?” and a fluff, 8. “sleep over? please?” with peter 🫶 a hurt to comfort enemies to lovers tysm 😭🤍

i love huge requests and i love your mind!! i hope you enjoy it :)

warnings: not proofread, it's a tad long, tony's and may's death mentions, no way home bits used, reader has hydrokinesis and can control water temperature, angst and sadness with a slightly comforting ending

❀ masterlist ❀

the last year for you and peter both had been utter hell. it started off strong with the only thing that held you two together, your beloved mentor tony stark, dying at the end of one of the hardest battles you or peter had ever fought. looking back, that strengthened your bond with peter, but it also worsened your likeness for one another. when he saw you and when you saw him, you both thought of tony and it hurt all over again.

then came mysterio and his illusions, playing with your heart and mind and not to mention him leading you both onto the tracks to be hit by a train. if it weren't for peter catching you and pulling you onto the train with him, you wouldn't be here right now. you often wondered why he didn't leave you with how much he seemed to hate you.

the summer before your senior year after you thought you and peter had dealt with him, his face showed again on the daily bugle billboard, doxxing you both to the city and the world. you looked to peter who grabbed mj and swung away, leaving you to fend for yourself.

you didn't get into mit and peter's stupid ass turned to magic instead of talking to college admissions like everyone else, but you didn't find out that fact until after a man with tentacles tried to choke you. you and peter had to work together to fix his mistake. you did give him a little hell about it until you learned that he included you as well in his wishes to dr. strange.

and then, you had to be there for him in a way you never had before. you'd never seen him break like you did that night when may died and then, you'd never seen him actually have the intent to kill like he did when fighting the goblin. his rage-filled eyes landed on you when you froze him to his spot, but it was for his own good. you knew he wouldn't be happy if he killed norman that day. he wasn't happy with you either.

that was two weeks ago. for both of you, everyone you had ever known had forgotten you except for each other. the only person who knew who you were in the whole world was peter frickin' parker and you were sure he was unhappy that out of all the people, you were the lone one that knew who he was.

since you were all each other had and you both weren't doing too hot as far as finances went, you two decided to live in the same apartment building. you were on the first floor and peter was on the second. your place was actually directly under peter's so you could hear him moving around above you a lot of the time. that's how you knew he was home, so you grabbed your book and bounded up the steps.

you knocked, awaited his usual come in—he knew it was you based on your heartbeat—, and opened the door. "hey, i just wanted to check with you and make sure you got the same answers as me on the ged practice. you and i both know math is not my strong suit."

then, you met his eye when finally looking up from your papers and noticed they appeared to be glassy. it could've been the light, but with everything that has happened, you still wanted to check. you guys may have hated each other, but you were also all you had.

"you okay?"

"yeah," he answered in a clipped tone and then gestured toward your book and papers, "can this wait? i've got stuff i need to do."

"um, yeah," you clutched your items closer to your chest, "by the way, if you're planning on doing laundry, don't do it here. most of the machines are down and of the ones that work, they have been claimed by ms. tomlinson. she isn't as sweet as she appears."

"yeah, i know. i was going to go to a laundromat anyway." his tone sounded agitated and final so you stepped closer to the door before another idea came to your head.

"oh, also, mr. ditkovitch wanted me t-"

"can you shut up for once in your life?" peter snapped, the bite in his voice sending you back a step.

"excuse me?" he had no right to be so rude. you thought that you two were maybe moving past this stage a little given your situation, but apparently not.

"i didn't ask for this. i thought that when stephen said he was going to make the world forget peter parker and y/n y/l/n, you would've been included in forgetting me and me forgetting you. if i got to keep one person, why couldn't it have been ned or mj?" he ranted, not realizing how deep he was cutting you with only his words.

"do you think i wanted this? do you think i wanted to be getting my ged while living alone in a shitty apartment that i can barely afford? do you think i wanted you to be the only person who knew me? you don't think it kills me when i see happy and he doesn't recognize who i am? he was the closest thing i had to a father other than tony but at least tony isn’t walking around acting like he doesn't know who i am. obviously, this isn't ideal, but we've got to make the best of the situation. i know i'm not your favorite person and you are far from mine, but you are all i have peter. it's just you and me," you paused your speech for a breath as you let peter hear your words. his eyes got glassy again, so you reached for the doorknob to give him some space. "i'll, uh, leave you alone now."

just as you twisted the knob, peter's voice stopped you.

"no," he stated, voice slightly wobbling with the word, "you're right. i just have nowhere to put my anger and i'm taking it out on you because that's what i'm used to doing. we're in a shitty situation and we're all we have. i shouldn't be pushing away the only one who knows me and the absolute last thing i want right now is to be alone. i'm so tired of being alone."

"do you want me to stay?" you asked cautiously.

he nodded and you let go of the doorknob. you set your stuff down when he spoke again. "would you want to stay the night, like sleep over?" he inquired in an insecure tone and added, "please?"

you were tired of being alone too. "yeah, that sounds nice."

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come join the winter wonderland sleepover ✧*:･ﾟ

#winter wonderland sleepover ✧*:･ﾟ #blurbs #marvel #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker blurbs #parkerpeter24 #❀ cookie ❀

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duhragonball · 8 months

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Dragon Ball Super Movie 2: Super Hero (1/5)

Finally, finally, it's time to talk about Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero. I've been waiting a long time to do this. First I had to wait for the movie to come out, then I had to wait a while for the rest of the fandom to go see it so I wouldn't spoil anything, then I had to wait for the DVD release so I could take screenshots, and by the time I was ready to do that, I was waist-deep in the 2023 Dragon Ball Apocrypha Liveblog. So the DVD has been sitting on my table for months waiting for me to get to this point, and now I'm finally here.

It's probably just as well, since blogging about the other stuff has helped me figure out how to tackle this movie. Like a rhinocerous sandwich, this thing is pretty big and dense, and I'm not really sure where to begin, and now Tumblr only lets me put 30 images in each post, so I have to think ahead a little. So I'm going to split this up into five installments and hopefully that will give me the room I need.

Super Hero opens with a flashback/recap focusing on the Red Ribbon Army. Real quick: the Red Ribbon Army was a mercenary group that dominated much of the world, until their hunt for the Dragon Balls put them into conflict with Son Goku, who destroyed their headquarters in Age 750. Seventeen years later, the Red Ribbon scientist Dr. Gero launched a campaign of revenge, using several cyborgs and androids of his own design. Gero failed, but his final experiment, Cell, managed to travel back in time from the future, where he nearly destroyed the whole world before Goku's son Gohan defeated him.

If you're a Dragon Ball fan, you probably already knew all of that, but what this movie reveals is that the Red Ribbon Army still lives on through its parent organization, the Red Pharmaceutical Company. When Commander Red died, his son Magenta inherited control over RPC, and he's been building up funds ever since, hoping to restore the Red Ribbon Army to its former glory. From behind the scenes, it was RPC that financed Dr. Gero's cybernetics research, but with Gero's death, there was really nothing more Magenta could do.

And that's what I really love about this shot of Magenta looking at a scale model of the old RR HQ. His father ran the Army from the real thing, but Magenta can't build a new one because Goku would just wreck it like he did before, and he can't beat Goku because Dr. Gero was the only one smart enough to build android warriors to kill that guy, and Gero's dead now. Magenta ought to be satisfied running the RPC, but what he really wants to do is rule the world, and he can't. Without Gero, the closest he can come to that dream is hanging around in this private little war museum he seems to have, and he probably can't even show it to anyone since it would expose the RPC's secret.

But then Magenta learned of Dr. Gero's grandson, Hedo. The movie opens with Magenta's right-hand-man, Carmine, giving a briefing on Hedo, so I assume Carmine was the one who discovered him. Better throw up the Carmine screenshot...

Man, these look great. Unfortunately only the bad guys seem to get them. Would have been neat if they made one for Goku or whatever. Yeah, everyone knows who Goku is, but who cares? I want to see an obnoxious still with his name in big letters.

This movie is chocked full with little gags and Easter eggs and such, so there's a lot to cover. Part of the reason for this is that the first twenty minutes of the movie is really heavy on exposition. The plot isn't all that complicated. The bad guys want to make some evil robots to kill the good guys, but to get there we have to explain who the bad guys are and how they joined forces, which takes a while. So there's a lot of visual things happening while they talk. For example, in this scene where Carmine has an overproduced powerpoint presentation playing while he explains who Dr. Hedo is. While he talks, Magenta has some sort of difficulty with hot beverages.

And while Carmine's video plays, we see Dr. Gero's family tree, including his wife, Vomi, and his son, Gevo. This is the first direct appearance of either character, although we've known about Gevo for some time. Several years ago, Akira Toriyama did an interview where he explained that Dr. Gero had a son in the Red Ribbon Army, and that son was killed during the battle with Goku, and so Gero modeled Android 16 after him. In the video game Dragon Ball Fighterz, we meet Android 21, who looks a lot like the image of Vomi in Carmine's video. I forget how and when these details were established, but the idea seems to be that Gero modeled #21 after his wife.

So does this mean Hedo is the son of Gevo? No, Gero had a second son, and that was Hedo's father. Hedo's parents died during his childhood, and he then went on to become a great scholar, earning his doctorate by age 14.

Today, Dr. Hedo is 24, and he's in prison, because he's a little too smart for his own good. Recently, he dug up some corpses and turned them into primitive androids, then he got them jobs at a convenience store to earn money for Hedo's research. I'm not exactly sure which laws were broken here, but it was enough to put him in jail. In the dub, Magenta observes that Hedo would have made more money with less fuss if he had simply robbed the store.

But Magenta doesn't care if Hedo is a little goofy. His talent for cybernetics is even greater than Dr. Gero's, which is pretty scary considering how close Gero came to destroying the Earth. Magenta needs those talents if he's ever going to bring back the Red Ribbon Army, so he waits three months for Hedo to get released from prison, then swings by to offer him a lift. To Magent's surprise, Hedo already knows who he is and has a pretty good guess as to what he wants.

This is because Hedo's been tracking Carmine with a surveillance device. It looks similar to the ones Dr. Gero used to study the Z-Fighters and collect genetic samples for Cell's creation. The difference is that Hedo claims it's a cyborg he built from a live bee. Maybe I shouldn't take this too literally, but it sure sounds like Hedo vivisected a bee in his prison cell and installed cameras and robot parts into its body. And for all I know, Gero did the same thing to make all of his spy robots, but I always assumed they were purely mechanical. Anyway, Carmine's been monitoring Hedo for a while now, driving by the prison yard whenever Hedo's out there, and Carmine's limo has a dome in the roof for his pompadour, so it was conspicuous enough for Hedo to notice. He built the bee, then had it trail Carmine until he found out who he was working for.

And the bee also gives us a great shot from behind Magenta's desk, where he has two framed photos. One is his dad, Commander Red, while the other is Colonel Violet. So we pretty much have to assume Violet is his mom, right? Kind of wild that Red and Violet were a thing, considering that one of the last times we saw Violet was when she looted the Red Ribbon vault during Goku's attack on their HQ. And she even did it in full view of the security cameras, probably knowing that Red would be watching.

So I wonder what Magenta and Violet's relationship must have been like? Is she still alive? Does Magenta know about her betrayal? How could he not? And considering how devoted he is to his father's dreams, how could he let her treason slide? Or maybe he recognizes that Red was a bad leader, and he means to succeed where Red failed. It's interesting stuff, that's all I'm trying to say.

Anyway, Hedo isn't too impressed with Magenta, but he has snacks, so Hedo gets in the car. Magenta asks if he got picked on during his prison sentence, and Hedo says everyone who gave him a trouble would always meet with "mysterious deaths". That column of black smoke behind them is the prison, by the way. The other inmates (and probably some guards) were chewing out Hedo as he left, so Hedo tossed a bomb inside as a final parting shot.

Magenta tries to sweet-talk Hedo by explaining their family connections. Gero once worked for Red, then Magenta inherited the RPC and continued to fund Gero's research. But Hedo isn't moved, since he never met his grandfather, and Hedo's parents hated Gero for his association with the Red Ribbon.

More importantly (to Hedo), he finds the Red Ribbon Army unappealing, because they resemble villains, while Hedo is a connoisseur of superheroes. That's why he's wearing the purple bodysuit, by the way. From what I can tell, Hedo's a fan of a TV show or something that features a character in a similar outfit.

So if Hedo's all into heroes, why did he... you know... desecrate those graves? I'm pretty sure that contradiction is the point of the character. He likes certain genres of entertainment, and he likes and identifies with heroic characters and their exploits, but he seems pretty much devoid of morals himself. He's like a Star Wars fan who loves the Jedi but has no qualms about harassing people who liked Episode VIII. He's one of those... oh, what's the word?

Asshole. Yeah, Hedo's an asshole.

So now Magenta has to convince Hedo that he's not an asshole, which is pretty stupid since they're clearly both assholes. Hedo just wants Magenta to pretend his asshole-ery is the same flavor as his own. So Magneta weaves this whole tale of how he wants to use his power and wealth to improve the world and stamp out evil. While he says all of this, Carmine cuts off the car ahead of him for driving too slow. But it's not just any civilian he did this to...

It's Janet! We'll meet Janet later on, but she gets a cameo here at the start of the movie, which is awesome to spot when you rewatch it. Fuck you, Carmine, for passing on the right and scaring Janet. Carmine doesn't had a big impact on the movie's plot, but he does generate nuclear heel heat simply because the things he does are very obnoxious. One thing I have to respect is that he's the one bad guy who doesn't try to rationalize or disguise his villainy. Carmine's a prick and he doesn't care who knows it.

For example, even after Magenta explains how he's a "champion of justice", and raises his offer to one billion zeni per android, Hedo still isn't convinced, so Carmine brandishes a gun just to make it clear that they won't take 'no' for an answer. Magenta may haggle, but Carmine is too direct for that.

So Hedo accepts Magenta's offer, but not because of the gun, since he enhanced his body to make it bulletproof some time ago. Also, his cyber-bee is armed with a toxic venom so deadly that it can kill any biological life with a single sting. So Carmine's threats are useless. Hedo is only taking the job because he's fascinated by the challenge of creating the ultimate android with an unlimited budget.

So he asks for background on Magneta's enemy, and Magenta explains that it wasn't Mr. Satan who defeated Cell at the Cell Games. He's part of the "organization", but the real ringleader is Bulma of the Capsule Corporation. Magenta says that her confederates appear to be aliens, which explains how Capsule Corp. got the technology for miniaturization and spaceflight. I'm not sure how much of this Magenta actually believes, and how much is a spin he's putting on things to make Dragon Team look like a gang of villains.

Magenta says that Capsule Corp is collaborating with aliens to pacify the Earth, then subjugate it for colonization. Hedo finds this hard to believe, until Magenta shows him footage of Future Trunks killing Mecha-Frieza. I'm not sure how he could have gotten that footage, unless it was recorded by Gero's spy robots.

In this twisted scenario, Gero created Cell to take the fight to Bulma's "organization", but he just couldn't get the job done. 17 and 18 turned against Gero, and Dragon Team was just too powerful that day. Hedo asks if Bulma is an alien, and Magenta's like "sure, why not?"

Then Hedo eats his Oreo all weird. Like, who does this? He takes apart the cookie, which is pretty standard, then he uses the one side to scrape the cream off the other, and he eats this part. Why? You already had a cookie with cream filling on it! This is just a duplication of effort!

The absolute best way to eat an Oreo is to dunk it in milk until it gets so soggy that it almost falls apart. When I was a kid I designed a device that would allow you to immerse the entire cookie in milk for maximum sogification without having to get your fingers wet. In hindsight, this was a stupid idea, because you can just do that with a spoon.

All this talk of alien conspiracies and Cell's heroic last stand get Hedo fired up, and he pulls up the hood of his costume and declares that the world needs a hero to design the ultimate android. I mean, he just got done saying he didn't buy into Magenta's good guy bit, but he does buy into his own good guy bit, and Magenta's story seems to suit this. For Hedo, it's less about being a hero and more about playing a hero. Magenta has created the role, and Hedo is eager to fill it.

And they finally arrive at a Red Ribbon base out in the middle of nowhere. Then the movie flashes forward to six months later, so I guess this a good place to sign off. Next time, we'll get into Piccolo and Gohan, and see what they're up to.

#dragon ball #2023dbapocryphaliveblog #dragon ball super #dragon ball super super hero #magenta #carmine #dr hedo #janet #bulma #commander red #colonel violet #gevo #vomi #dr gero

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hiraya-rawr · 2 years

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Hi, I saw you and everyone else mentioning yours and their own college/university experiences, so I wanted to share my own.

Growing up, I had a lot of different dreams, some feasible and others most certainly not. But when I got into high school, I had finally figured out what I wanted to do in life: I wanted to become a teacher. I've always loved working with kids, and a few students got tutored by me in math, which was my weakest subject and yet they came back with fantastic results and they encouraged me to pursue the educational field. So a new dream as born.

I told my parents about it, and they both promptly shut me down; my father did not believe in going to university for a well paying job (he's very old fashioned), and my mom didn't think teaching would make me enough money. I was deflated, and a lot of the options my mom wanted me to be were simply out of my reach in terms of grades, and I didn't (and still don't) think I was pretty enough to pull off being a house wife (besides, I'm not in any romantic relationships anyways).

So, I ended up studying business- as a finance major. It was one of the few things my parents could both begrudgingly allow me to do, so I leaped at the opportunity and went to study it for two years, and graduated with a diploma in finance.

However, during my final semester in the program, I already had a gut feeling that finance wasn't what I wanted to do; it felt so grim, empty, and most of all, dirty and like I was taking advantage of the financial positions of my would-be clients to look for ways to increase my own, or a companies profit. I figured that this wasn't going to work, but stayed to graduate because I had already gotten that far, and I felt that if I did not graduate, then my parents would never let me attend school again.

Then, the year 2020 came, the year I graduated, and suddenly, a pandemic had started and I couldn't even attend my own ceremony. There weren't a lot of jobs open, and things were looking pretty bleak. But then I started to recall my old dream of becoming a teacher since I had all this time off to think about myself and my life, and what I wanted, and started to wonder if it was still an option for me; I looked at my options and it looked like there were a few different paths I could take to get me back on track for my original dream.

I ended up applying to another school for a year of open studies; this was to increase my GPA, as well as to make sure I finished with meeting any other high school requirements that I didn't meet. The year went pretty well, aside from me having stomach issues starting from January of this year (Still on-going, slowly seeing professionals to get it fixed).

Just about two weeks ago, I got a letter in the mail saying that I was accepted into the Education program. The program is fixed to be 4 years long, and I'm currently 24.

It took a long time, and I still have a rough path in front of me to actually graduate from this program, but I don't regret working hard to come back to it and achieve what I actually want. Even if it is when I'm older; during my year of open studies, I had a classmate in a public speaking class; they told us all, that their father took 11 years before he graduated university because he kept switching his major. They also said that their father is now happy in life because of it, and because they found something they actually enjoy.

I think the biggest take-away from my story here is; follow your guts and do what you want to do; but also acknowledge the fact that it's never too late to change your path. This is your life, you are the one in control. Just like how I took back control of mine, I hope you all decide to do whatever makes you feel happiest and most fulfilled in life.

Since it's college-hunting season, these stories have been really helpful (even to me as a college freshman ending my first year!!)

This story in particular is beautiful 🥺 side note but I've also wanted to teach (Ive been an acting teacher before for grade schoolers), but perhaps not as an official profession because I'm pretty happy with my current course! Then I learned that a lot of my professors are encouraging us to take at least a year or two of teaching once we graduate heheheh since college subjects need specialties of their field. So I'm planning to take a year and teach arts and drafting! Just to fulfill that little dream.

Thank you for sharing!!

#hira replies #college #college advice

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lisacatara-actress · 1 year

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Almost Lisa: Pt 9, “Almost Impossible”

*I retain all rights to my photography and story, story details, biographical information, fashion designs, art work, and anything and everything I have posted which is my own creation*)

Roam. If you want to.

One thing California offers in abundance is sunshine and countless hiking trails. In the Hills, at Oceanside, up north in the canyons...everywhere. I indulged often, on foot and on hoof. Whenever and however the opportunity arose. Particularly in April when the gorgeous wildflowers bloom. The views are spectacular. And I was always aware of other creatures living in these areas (it’s their homes after all), but seldom saw more than a group of hares, some lizards, or an occasional rattler. But there was one resident who was rather famous in the area. Though seldom seen, he was loved and concerned for by many.

I woke this week to the devastating news that P-22 (Hollywood’s beloved bachelor Mountain Lion) had to be euthanized after being hit by an automobile. His injuries were substantial. P-22 taught the word so much about biodiversity and the importance of conservation. He lived his years a victim of human innovation, trapped between highways, alone. I think of him, traversing the Hollywood hills, day after day, searching for companionship in another of his kind. But finding none. It’s painful. And sad.

And I relate. Deeply.

If I'm honest, I've never had a HOME. A place I felt safe, where I breathed a sigh of relief upon walking through the door. Certainly not the home I grew up in. That deep desire to feel safe has caused so much inner conflict for me. Anything is possible when you feel safe. I’ve developed some laughable “bad habits” because of the insecurity in homestead over the course of my life. For instance, I am indecisive about certain things. NOT because I cant decide but because I can see infinite possibilities in most decisions. Where it comes to my home and design, I’ve been known to spend hours at a Home Goods, carefully laying out a design idea or artwork, staring at it for an hour (visualizing it in my space), then deciding not to purchase anything. Why? Because in the end, I still don't have a HOME. And- ultimately- I know I am designing for a place I don't love, which I’ll eventually be moving from. I broke my golden rule for ownership when I purchased my first home at the end of 2021: “Never own more than you can personally move yourself”. URGH.

I’ve moved over two dozen times since leaving Cleveland at the age of 17. The Artists life is that of a gypsy: constantly reinventing, replanting, rediscovering. But that’s not quite the reason for the constant uprooting. Several moves in NY were due to survival (escaping my abusive boss) and events beyond my control (9/11). In California, I hopped from apartment to apartment as my income increased, neighbors or landlords became intolerable, or rent became unreasonable. I’d found a terrific situation with a terrific landlord, just before relocating to GA in 2020. Spent a lot of time and energy decorating it, making it a “real home”, investing in it. Part of what forced my decision during pandemic to depart were my next door neighbor who suffered with dementia and screamed all day, and the new neighbors downstairs who smoked unfiltered cigarettes together on their terrace, making it impossible for me to get any fresh air inside my own unit. $1700/ month and I was never comfortable. More than 20 years of renting and I suddenly realized that no one ever taught me about finances or investing for the future. Thankfully I made my own decision to save everything I earned (in case sh*t). It’s helped the past couple of years, though not sure how much longer. I'd really hoped I'd be be traveling over the holidays this year. Seeing the world!

If you never had love, support or security as a child, there is only one person in the entire world who can give those things to you as an adult. YOU.

Holidays mean very little to me anymore since my grandparents passed. They were truly the glue which brought our family together. They were Love. Obligatory visitation and gifting with anyone makes me want to punch sea otters (and I love sea otters!). Rather then co-dependently suffering together, I much prefer to be traveling: Buying a stranger a coffee and chatting about their life in Eastern Europe, watching a Flamenco performance in an authentic Tablau, standing over the Mediterranean on a crystal clear day in Capri, enjoying my first Kao Soi in Cambodia with some strangers from across the globe, seeing another Wonder of the World, and photographing every moment of it ... this is what brings me Joy. I want to see, taste, hear, touch, experience everything, first-hand. My bucketlist is epic! Sadly this year, traveling wont be possible. I simply should not afford it as work remains uncertain and my health continues to suffer.

Flashback- The year was 2001, December, three days after Christmas. I was invited by the Lerner family to sing the National Anthem at Browns Stadium. Shortly after Al Lerner (team owner) had passed. It was below freezing, and I was wearing a bright turquoise overcoat and gloves. As I walked out of the tunnel- blinded by snow- onto the field, a hand emerged from the white dust, reaching for mine. It was Bernie Kosar, offering good vibes and gratitude for being there. I was touched. More so as I stood alone on the field as the Color Guard fell into formation behind me. I remember nothing else. Except that Cleveland WON that day. Cheers Al!

(To be continued...)

(PS If you like what you're reading, I welcome contributions to the efforts via Venmo @LTarantinoDesigns)

#Hollywood #film #movies #actress #art #artist #success #celebrities #tellall #photographer #photography #cleveland #browns

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syn0vial · 3 years

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The Official Star Wars Fact File: Zam Wesell

(Unofficial translation by me, syn0vial. Please forgive me for any mistakes, I've studied Spanish for some years but it's definitely not my first language!)

Zam Wesell was an exceptional figure that belonged to an equally exceptional species, the Clawdites. The bounty hunter was an unorthodox and extraordinary being who left a mark with her short life and career.

The Clawdites have always been oppressed and never been trusted. It is something that is accepted as natural in life. Their society arose due to a gene therapy that cured a sickness, but also created a new species, condemned to be exiled from the principle habitable zone of the planet Zolan. All Clawdites can change the color of their skin, but only a few are capable of altering the texture of it, and there are even fewer that can change its shape. Only a small number—very capable beings, dedicated and with great self-control—could take the form of another being for an indefinite period of time.

Shape-shifting results in great pain and discomfort for a Clawdite; they must use oils and ointments to stop their skin from becoming horribly cracked. Yet, in contrast to even the best of her species, Zam Wesell could not only change form with relative speed, but could maintain it while resting.

Combat Training

In Zolan society, those that deviated from the rigid secular norms were persecuted. Clawdite society was less restrictive, but even they showed apprehension about some of Zam Wesell's activities.

In the semi-anarchic society on the Clawdite-dominated continent of Sultur, where Zam was born and raised, the clans were governed by warriors known for their boastfulness. In general, the strongest prevailed, but even the boastful owed loyalty to their clan. Among them all, the best warriors of Zolan were the Mabari knights. They were part of a religious order that would not admit sinners among their novices. The religion of Zolan preached that the untruthful were the worst sinners of all. Despite this, Zam, when she was with them, successfully hid her true nature long enough to reach the third level of mastery in the Mabari martial arts, before being forced to flee Zolan.

Zam relocated to the corporate planet of Denon, where skills like hers were in great demand. The corporate security organizations always needed new employees and with Zam's shape-shifting ability, it didn't take much for her to ascend to the rank of sergeant. Nevertheless, this was only the beginning of her career. She calculated each step with utmost care; in this way, she quickly rose to become a very well-paid corporate bodyguard.

She was a self-proclaimed "progressive" and never forgot her planet and her people. She always sent huge sums of credits to Zolan, to radical Clawdite groups dedicated to the emancipation of their species; it is unknown whether she was truly invested in the situation of her species or if she only wished to provoke unrest.

Outlawed: Zam Wesell's journey before she became a bounty hunter was a winding one. She was denounced on her home-planet, Zolan, for being Clawdite and even more so, for her ability to shape-shift. After learning martial arts in a religious sect of warriors called Mabari, she abandoned her planet.

Clawdite Assassin

Since leaving Zolan for Denon, Zam Wesell had accepted work that provided huge profits and little excitement. Not much happened before she left her job as a bodyguard and sought a change of scenery.

Her experience in the risky world of industrial espionage on Denon had perfected Zam's deadly skills, while also allowing her to develop a web of contacts, financing, and gear to start her career in earnest. Finally, she could establish herself as a bounty hunter. She had adopted as her identity the appearance of a short, attractive female human, as a means of securing more work and hiding her true Clawdite face. With practice, although not without pain, she managed to maintain this appearance even while sleeping. She also adopted a uniform, a purple jumpsuit that could adapt to both her human and Clawdite forms, and that helped protect her skin.

Above the jumpsuit, she wore a flexible armored doublet and a protective skirt. The skirt's connected segments concealed an impact-absorbing system that offered protection against attacks from behind. Her helmet had its own light and incorporated a commlink under the veil that hid her face. In the heat of combat, her true Clawdite face could emerge, which the veil helped hide. Zam's belt had a series of compartments and essential devices for her profession, including the holster for her KYD-21 blaster. In front of her doublet, she carried a small respiratory device. These tubes inserted into Zam's body and allowed the device to function through her lungs if it was required by the atmosphere. The uniform came complete with a certain number of Mabari objects, among them an ancient cape clasp, an emblem on her helmet, and combat gloves. All these objects were ingraved with inscriptions from sacred Mabari texts.

We're bounty hunters, Zam, not heroes: The partnership of Zam and Jango Fett began long ago, long before she was contracted to kill Padme Amidala. The two bounty hunters respected each other. Zam had the honor of knowing the son of Jango, Boba Fett.

Elite Assassin

It was fated that the paths of Zam Wesell and Jango Fett would meet, but it would prove a very dangerous crossing.

Zam Wesell was considered one of the best bounty hunters of her generation, and she believed it. So it was logical that she would come to be known by Jango Fett, considered the number one in their profession.

One of their first encounters [Syn's notes: preceded five years by their true first encounter in the game Star Wars: Bounty Hunter] took place after Antonin Vigo, of the Black Sun, contracted Zam to kill Dreddon the Hutt. She took the form of a red-headed slave and successfully carried out the mission. Just as she was about to take her leave, Jango Fett appeared. Zam discovered that she was not going to be paid, nor was Jango, who had taken out Antonin at the behest of Dreddon.

Zam and Jango both knew of each other's reputations. The mutual respect that they had and their simiar ethics led them to allow one another to go on their way. However, the two would meet again shortly afterwards when a dug named Fernooda contracted Zam.

We've Got To Stop Meeting Like This: Zam and Jango were contracted to recover an ancient artifact. She let him do all the hard work; then ambushed him and made off with the idol.

Jango, you're always complaining about my shapeshifting: The mutant power of a Clawdite was very useful in her work and elongating her arm to grab hold of the idol that both she and Jango Fett were searching for. [Syn's notes: The presentation of this information is a little misleading. Zam catching the idol like this occurred well after this job for Fernooda, when both Zam and Jango were working together to keep Fernooda's boss from using it in a terrorist attack.]

I know that there's a man under that mask: Zam managed to get closer than anybody to the mysterious Jango Fett, with the exception of his son Boba. Even so, she knew that a relationship between them would affect her work, and thus decided not to push it further.

It was an awkward situation, since Fernooda had assigned the job to Jango, but had decided to ensure its success by also contracting the Clawdite. The aforementioned mission involved recovering an idol that had been in the possession of Fernooda's boss. Zam, who knew that Jango had also been contracted, let her rival do the dirty work before springing an ambush. This time, she insisted on seeing the face of the man under the mask. She was so transfixed on him, that she didn't realize there was an enormous insect, the guardian of the idol, about to attack her.

Without knowing why, Jango came to Zam's rescue and, recognizing that she was in his debt, she allowed him to leave with Fernooda's idol. Thus began the strange and exceptional relationship, even friendship, between Jango Fett and Zam Wesell. [Syn's notes: As mentioned earlier, their association truly began with the events of Star Wars: Bounty Hunter, but perhaps this is the point things got a little more personal between them.]

Partners: Without a doubt, Zam and Jango worked well as partners. The question was whether they were willing to let their affection become more important than their work.

Mutual Empathy

Although it was nearly inevitable that Zam Wesell and Jango Fett should encounter one another again, the first reunion that occurred between the two bounty hunters did not go as either had expected.

At first glance, the mission seemed simple. It involved an assignment that Vigo Antonin, of Black Sun, had given to Zam Wesell, and the contracts from this organization were always lucrative. Certainly, the jobs offered to bounty hunters of Zam Wesell's level were never easy.

The target was Dreddon the Hutt. It was never a good idea to threaten Black Sun business and Vigo Antonin wanted to make an example of him. Zam used all the resources at her disposal to investigate and infiltrate Dreddon's organization. Her Clawdite powers allowed her to adopt the form of a human dancer that appealed to the Hutt. She needed all her concentration to maintain this form during a prolonged period, but Zam was very good at what she did. The disguise completely fooled Dreddon. Hutts are very difficult to kill.

Poisons and blasters could not guarantee that Dreddon wouldn't have time to call for his guards, so, to end his life, Zam restrained herself to placing a microbomb hidden in one of Dreddon's amphibian snacks when he was about to enjoy a private performance from his favorite dancer. The result was somewhat chaotic, but decisive.

A Private Affair

Just when she was about to leave, Zam heard someone approach. She grabbed her blaster and hid, waiting to see who could be intruding on her mission. She was almost happy to see Jango Fett, the most infamous bounty hunter in the galaxy, next to the corpse of his client.

Zam had successfully completed her mission and would soon receive a rich reward for her troubles. What's more, she could make fun of Jango Fett for the murder of his client. She had him at her mercy, pointing at him with her blaster, knowing who he was and what he was capable of.

Unfortunately, Zam's good humor soon went up in smoke. Jango had returned from completing a contract for Dreddon: killing Vigo Antonin! Thus, neither Zam nor Jango would be paid. Fett took the first opportunity to draw his blaster and with that both bounty hunters were in the same bind.

Zam was the first to lower her blaster, with her trademark style. With a twirl and a grin, she pointed out that the problem was that neither of them wanted to make the first move. She then flounced off, leaving Jango alone with his thoughts.

It's a weird rock: The artifact that Fett and Wesell had to recover was an idol that, as they would discover, bestowed mysterious powers upon its owner. [Syn's notes: ...If "mysterious powers" means "ownership of extremely explosive chunk of rock," then yes, that is correct.]

A New Contract

However, Zam needed work. The matter with Dreddon had left her without anything to show for it. A dug named Fernooda offered a contract shortly after she returned to her base of operations, but he warned her that he had already contracted another bounty hunter for the job in question: Jango Fett.

Zam readily accepted the job, since it seemed simple. Recovering a little statue from the natives of the jungle planet Seylott that had been stolen from Fernooda's boss. She had already decided to let Jango do the dirty work and ambush him at the temple's exit.

Jango's Revenge

It seemed that this time, Zam Wesell had won. She even managed to get Jango to remove his Mandalorian helmet. The scarred face she saw was handsome, if a bit gloomy. Then, a huge carnivorous insect attacked Zam from behind. The other bounty hunter ignored Zam's cries for help, taking the statue and running.

My client offered 50,000 Republic credits: The paths of Wesell and Fett crossed once again when the dug Fernooda contracted them to recover an object that the natives of Seylott had stolen from his boss. Immediately, the instinctive sense of rivalry returned between the two bounty hunters.

Heroes of Coruscant

Zam thought that she was doomed, Jango Fett had taken off, leaving her to be devoured by the enormous monster on Seylott.

While fighting to escape, Zam was surprised to see Jango return. He told her to take out all the explosives that she had on her and prepare to detonate them. Zam didn't have much option but to trust him, although she wasn't sure that he wouldn't get both of them killed. Fortunately, Fett's jetpack got them out of trouble. Zam picked up Jango's helmet from amidst the smoke and the dust left from the creature's destruction, gave it to him, and allowed him to take Fernooda's idol; afterwards, she turned and left, smiling as she told Jango to take care until next time. There would be a next time, Zam assured her rival, although this didn't seem to bother Fett.

However, Wesell wasn't satisfied. She had heard rumors here and there, and soon learned the truth about her mission on Seylott. The idol had been under the power of the Force-sensitive natives. The Annoo-Dat general Ashaar Khorda wanted the idol to use as a weapon capable of generating explosions that could destroy an entire planet. Even worse, Khorda's target was Coruscant.

Zam traveled quickly to Kamino, where she met with Jango and, to her surprise, with his young son Boba. She believed that Boba's mother had been killed and Jango said nothing to the contrary. Instead, he listened impatiently to Zam's story about the idol. Zam ended by saying that, since she and Jango had found the weapon, they owed it to the people of Coruscant to stop Khorda's plan.

Under the Mask: Zam Wesell was one of the few people who could elicit affection from the harsh and implacable Jango Fett

A Matter of Conscience

Jango wasn't interested, since he wouldn't be paid for the work and his son needed him on Kamino, but Zam convinced him that there were countless children that needed him on Coruscant. Jango Fett, an orphan rescued by strangers, softened his position and finally accepted his first time working together with Zam Wesell. [Syn's notes: Again, second time since Star Wars: Bounty Hunter.]

Zam had seen Khorda's right-hand man, the dug Fernooda. Thus, she took on his appearance in order to discover Khorda's and his lackeys' plans. They found out that Fernooda planned to place the idol in one of the planet's central reactors, where the explosion would cause a chain reaction that would destroy the planet completely.

Jango and Zam, along with a solitary Jedi, found the mad killer, after following the clues that he and his gang had left. Together, the three proceeded to defeat the gang and recover the idol. The Jedi could absorb the Force of the idol and leave it without power once more; although at the cost of his life.

Safe Return: Zam Wesell worked together with Jango Fett to seize a powerful Force artifact and return it to its owners. She managed to convince Jango to accept the mission.

Zam and Jango took the idol back to Seylott, earning them the gratitude of the natives. They were requested not to return ever again, something that the bounty hunters had no intention of doing. Upon returning to Kamino, Zam was not fooled by Jango's complaints of not being paid, since she knew that, deep down, he knew that returning the idol had been the right thing to do. It was the same impulse that had saved her on Seylott. She said goodbye to Jango with a kiss on his scarred cheek, so he wouldn't feel it had all been for nothing. It seemed that Zam had won again.

Altruistic Mission: Zam's desire to prevent the deaths of millions of people in a terrorist attack shows that she had a certain sense of conscience.

The Final Mission

Jango Fett made an atypical decision: subcontract Zam for the most dangerous assignment.

Jango wanted to spend more time with his son Boba. The boy's education was very important to him. However, the most famous bounty hunter in the galaxy had many offers of work. He accepted most of them and the rest he passed on to Zam Wesell. She worked alone most of the time, although they worked together occasionally, to the benefit of both of them.

Assassination Contract

A man that Jango knew as Tyranus, the same that had given him work with the Kaminoans, requested that he accept a special mission. It involved the killing of a high-order politician who had interfered in Tyranus's business. The pay was very good and Jango was happy to be able to pass it on to Zam Wesell. It seemed like a simple job.

The target was a senator dedicated to public life, something that would make her an easy target for an intelligent assassin. However, the target was also a queen of Naboo, friend of the Jedi and a central figure to the supreme Chancellor of the Republic.

Direct Hit: Ostensibly, Zam Wesell had killed the senator Padme Amidala with a bomb on her ship, but the victim ended up being a decoy, making it necessary to take another approach.

Reckless Driving: Zam realized that she was being pursued by Jedi. Her skill at the wheel of a speeder allowed her to traverse the busiest districts of Coruscant, but her pursuers wouldn't give up the chase.

To Kill a Senator

Zam chose the occasion carefully.The target was to return to Coruscant for a crucial vote, and her landing would be predictable enough. Zam used her capacity for shapeshifting to discover the time and place of Senator Padme Amidala's return.

With her usual cunning, Zam managed to place a bomb on the target's landing platform and then left to observe from the heights of a building a kilometer away. From there, she waited for the moment of truth. Amidala's silvery ship landed, flanked by fighters. The senator came down from the ramp and the moment her foot stepped onto the platform, Wesell detonated the explosive. There were few survivors and the news was full of stories and images of Zam's success.

Double Action

Zam Wesell believed she had completed the mission, but her satisfaction was short-lived. Amidala was apparently alive in the rotunda of the Senate at the end of the day, a very irritating outcome. The woman killed on the landing platform was a double. Fett was angry, along with his client. There could be no more mistakes.

Fett spoke with Zam and gave her a glass tube with two kouhuns inside. He cautioned her that they were extremely venomous, since she wasn't an amateur.

The bounty hunters counted on an ASN-121 droid, programmed with the location of Amidala's quarters, to deposit the deadly cargo. Then, Zam sat and waited for the return of the robot.

It was emiting an alert signal. Zam saw through her scope a Jedi holding onto the droid. Not even the droid's destruction could shake the Jedi, and soon she was being pursued through all of Coruscant, with her skills as a pilot put to the test.

Just when she thought she had lost them, one of the Jedi jumped onto her speeder. In the subsequent skirmish, her vehicle was damaged and she was forced to land. She sought refuge in a bar with the Jedi close behind.

Death of a Hunter

Seeing one of the Jedi at the bar, Zam approached as close as she dared, knowing that he could deflect a blaster bolt if warned in time. Unfortunately, the Jedi was much more astute, igniting his lightsaber with a twirl and severing Zam's hand that held her blaster. The pair of Jedi dragged Wesell's wounded body into an alley to interrogate her.

Ground Chase: Zam, without her speeder which had been damaged, had to flee on foot. She got into a bar, where she intended to ambush her pursuers, but Obi-Wan Kenobi attacked her with his lightsaber before she could fire; Wesell was badly injured.

One of them, the younger one, pressed Zam to reveal the name of her client. At first, she resisted, but then, after the Jedi spoke again, began to tell her captors what she knew.

The poison dart that Jango shot ended Zam's life before she could speak a word. She died quickly from the venom's deadly effects; she didn't suffer. This was the last thing that Fett could do for a friend.

#zam wesell #jango fett #boba fett #whew! this took a while :`D #please let me know if any of my translation needs to be corrected; i'm definitely an amateur when it comes to translating!#star wars fact file #star wars fact file 71 #the official star wars fact files

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acciocriativity · 3 years

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You and Me || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: It's always been you and Draco since you can remember, the invincible duo, the two of you against the world but some things have changed along the way and it's not news to any soul at Hogwarts but it's time your parents knew too.

Word Count: 2,8k

A/N: I took a bit to finish but here it is your story @x-dratie-x. I hope you all like it! Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this oneshot, Voldemort didn’t exist at all but the events of the first war and its consequences still is valid, but with another wizard.

Warnings: A very very slightly sexual conversation and that's all

1987

I didn't want to be at that dinner, I didn't want to have to listen all day long to how well I should behave because the Malfoy's were such an important family or something.

I had plans for the week, I would go with our elf to buy more art supplies and I was allowed to spend the day outside the house, just drawing the landscape.

My parents never let me participate in events like this, because I might mess up, say something inappropriate for the moment, or whatever excuse they decided to make up. But out of the blue, I was told that I would have to be there. Why? I couldn't understand and I didn't even ask them, what good would it do? None.

The day was only getting worse and worse by the hour for me, I just wanted to take off that dress and go play but I couldn't, obviously. So I did what was left to me, smile and eat politely without making any noise or comments, not that there were any comments I would like to make. I had no idea what they were talking about, it was absolutely boring. The only thing that made me feel slightly better were my own thoughts and the fact that their son was as bored as I was.

We knew each other because of some casual encounters between our parents but never had the opportunity to talk to each other, because of course, only grown-ups talk.

But it seems that I drew the long straw after a horrible day, after dinner Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were invited to stay a little longer and I was excused along with Draco to play.

I could hardly believe it, I wouldn't have to sit there and smile for another 45 minutes, my happiness couldn't be measured at that moment. Not even waiting for my mother to say it again, I stood up and said goodbye politely with a smile before walking up the stairs and I could hear footsteps following me somewhat hesitantly but I didn't care at the moment.

"Come on, let's go play in my room", I exclaimed with a huge smile and threw the bow tie, which was pinning my hair, on the floor and quickly walked over to it uncaringly.

I missed his shocked expression but as soon as we reached my door, he made sure to make it clear to me.

"Do your parents let you do that?", the question made no sense in my head but stopping to think about it now, it makes sense, he should always be flawless.

"They don't care as long as it's not in front of guests, you won't tell them, right?", his greyish blue eyes reflected mine and for a few seconds I thought that was a beautiful effect.

He looked away from me and nodded slightly in agreement, his face covered in shyness and I just squealed with delight. I opened the door and pulled him inside, his hand was so cold that I thought about taking one of my jackets and handing it to him.

"So what do you want to do? I have some toys in my closet, I'll get them", I walked happily to the door and proceeded to try to decide what I would want. Some was not the best word, there were a lot of them, far more than I would ever use.

I came back with a big mulberry box that I've only been able to carry within the last year and placed it on my bed but he didn't even notice, he was looking at my drawings.

"Oh, you liked them. I wish I had done one more today, do you want to try?", I asked him and walked over to the table where my sheets were.

"Yeah, they're not too bad", he stated nonchalantly and I didn't believe him for a moment but I chose to keep my mouth shut for once.

I picked up two white sheets, two quills and sat down quietly on the floor, since I didn't have two chairs for the two of us but it seems he wasn't used to that.

"Come on, hurry up, your parents won't be here forever", I patted the seat next to me and soon he sat down as well, I noticed his posture still uncomfortable and my goal for the day turned to change that, if only for 5 minutes.

From that day on, we became closer and our parents obviously understood and liked that, because we were strengthening their relationship and at no point that crossed my mind. I was just happy to be supported by my parents to visit Draco.

1991

My Hogwarts letter had arrived some weeks ago and I hadn't let go at any point, going to Diagon Alley had become a completely different experience and I couldn't wait, but I had to because I pleaded with my and his parents so that we would go together.

But the day had finally arrived and I had to contain all my energy to not look like an out of control little girl, nothing out of the ordinary but today was more difficult because I was genuinely happy. I was always genuinely happy with my only real friend.

"Y/N, you must hurry or we are going to be late", I could hear my mother's voice from downstairs just as I finished putting on my flats.

As it was a very important occasion I had chosen my favorite outfit, even my parents were a little excited too. They had told me that they had met at Hogwarts and that I would find someone from a good family at Slytherin as well. This part was completely ignored by me but they never found out about it.

"I'm here mom, we won't be late", I said as soon as I came down the stairs and approached them without running. We were near the fireplace and I mentally thanked them for not having to apparate, because it was always a horrible experience for me.

"Okay, I'll go first and you two right after", my father made sure to announce although he always goes first when we go out like that.

After a few minutes, we arrived in front of Flourish & Blotts and there was the imposing Malfoy family. After a small talk in which I had no interest in paying attention to, we all went inside and we were finally able to talk while our parents were engaged in a conversation with the attendant.

"I've already said it once and I'll say it again, I honestly don't understand how you're not that excited, it's Hogwarts", I whispered to him as we walked through the messy shelves full of books.

"It doesn't seem like a great thing after hearing it so many times", I could clearly see that there was something more there, I had known him long enough to know that and also that he wouldn't tell me easily.

"Okay, so you're telling me that you're not the least bit excited to leave Malfoy Manor to start your life?", his lips twitched trying to hold back a smile, his eyes shifted from mine, looking for something to distract himself.

But I could stop him, my cunning little hands went to his waist tickling that area before he could prevent me from doing so. That was enough to make him laugh, although he denied that he was ticklish every time I asked.

This attack did not end well for me, because revenge existed in his vocabulary and was even overused. I had to run, as fast as I could, and it still didn't work.

And why? Because I went to a dead end corridor upstairs, I had never even visited the second floor of that store, the day I went there I had to get unlucky.

In short, I was attacked twice more without mercy, my glasses almost got broken and we were so noisy that the owner gave us a scolding and our parents did the same as soon as we left with our packages, but this was not enough to ruin the day and our good mood.

1993

It was already expected that we would both end up in Slytherin, which was great because we didn't have to be separated, on the opposite, we became closer than ever. It also didn't take long to form our group of friends, actually not more than a month but the thing that made us truly close started in the third year when I had a genius idea.

We all had a reason to dislike Harry, mine was nowhere near Draco's, no one's was but we shared it anyway. It was always fun to pick fights with him, make pranks and get him into trouble on purpose, so why not make it a little game? It was so easy that the idiots, Crabbe and Goyle understood the first few times, you can't expect more than that from them, and this was certainly a record for both.

The game had three main objectives:

- Take the most materials from Harry or his friends: ink, quill, books, whatever they were carrying would be a prize and would get a point.

- See him or his friends more often, with the intention of spying on them just for fun, of course. It could be in class or in the corridors, each time would be an extra point.

- Pick fights with him or his friends, each minute was worth one point and to be proven, had to have someone to confirm it.

Of course, there was no room for lies, and I made sure to put a spell on our board to prevent this. Yes, I had made a small board that stayed with me but each team wrote down their own score.

To make it more fun, we split up into pairs. Draco and I, Pansy and Blaise, Grabbe and Goyle, Astoria and Millicent and Tom and Theo.

And finally, the best part, whoever had the most points at the end of the year would win 5 galleons from each person, as well as having a celebration party financed by the losers.

Needless to say, Draco and I always won since the day I created the game. Our friends always complained about us playing dirty but it was never necessary and deep down they knew it, it must be hard to lose every year so I don't judge them.

1995

"Are they still complaining?", I remained with my eyes closed, it was comfortable to lie curled up against Draco on the couch in the common room. We had two free classes, which was being put to good use to get some rest after a year of N.O.M.S. and a devastating victory in our little game.

"They'll get over it when we come back in September, I guess.... You're missing the best part", his voice came out whispered directly into my ear and I couldn't help but smile.

I didn't need to see the scene to know what was going on, Tom and Theo blaming each other for the defeat, everyone standing back from them because no one wants to get involved in their ego battle and our other friends trying not to laugh because it was a funny scene, even if they didn't know it.

"They're taking longer than last time...", I commented slightly annoyed by the noise. I had no idea what had happened to me, because usually I spent the afternoon celebrating my victory but not today.

"Let's get out of here, you seems so good", he hadn't even completed his sentence when I agreed and painfully got up to go to his room.

But before I could take two steps, I felt his arms go around my waist and legs, leading me up the stairs in a bridal style.

I smiled wider and snuggled into his arms, enjoying more of the warmth and good feeling it gave me until we reached the bed.

"Thanks honey, I don't know what happened today", I commented under my breath as soon as he had me lying on the bed, but I knew it was a lie.

"Are you sure? This isn't related to the fact that our parents will know about our relationship in a few days?", I hoped he would pretend he didn't know but that wasn't the case, I wasn't going to be able to run away from the subject.

"It's just that I don't like them meddling in our lives, of course I have nothing against your parents, I'll love to be introduced as your girlfriend but my parents will be twice as unbearable", I sighed and hugged the blond once more, if there was one thing that made me better it was this.

"Like my mom isn't going to start a 3 year planning for our wedding after she finds out, but at least they'll be used to it by the end of the summer and we won't have to go through this again", he began to fiddle with my hair and curl the strands between his fingers, slowly my shoulders relaxed and a considerable chunk of my worry faded away.

"Yes, I think so but it's going to be a lot harder for us to be alone now. You definitely won't be stepping foot in my room like you did when we used to play together", the memories flooded back and I felt him smile too, it had been a while since this had escaped my thoughts.

"I don't need to worry about that, we slept together for almost the entire year at Hogwarts and they can't do anything about it and we'll keep doing it", I couldn't see him since my face was buried in his neck, but the perfect image of his mischievous grin formed in my head.

"The question is, will you survive for two months without me? Because I don't see that happening", I teased with a huge smirk as I turned to look him in the eye.

"It won't happen because your father won't be enough to stop me love and I'll make sure you don't have to resort to your hands, because we know it wouldn't be enough", smugness was all over his face and as much as I searched for an answer to that, I didn't have one. Not in the first few seconds.

"Good love, that's good because I'm sure your hands wouldn't do a better job either. In fact, I'd be a little worried if they actually still work, in case we get separated", I had managed to wipe the smirk off his face but I also knew it wouldn't stay that way, revenge was still an overused word in his vocabulary.

A week later, there I was on one of the Hogwarts Express cars with Draco, since we couldn't fit all our friends there anyway, we decided to enjoy the last hours of freedom we had together.

And how quickly it went by, one moment I was chatting with my boyfriend while my puppy slept peacefully in her travel bed and the next, we had arrived and a wave of students were trying to get through the doors at the same time.

We stepped off the train holding hands, while I carried only my baby in the other, and this detail did not escape the trained eyes of our parents who were talking side by side but as soon as they noticed us they stopped.

"For Merlin's sake, you two finally decided to listen to me and are in a relationship now?", my mother's eyes sparkled with excitement and I could already hear her voice asking me all sorts of embarrassing questions. "Narcisa, our family is finally becoming one, this is the best news I could ever receive", she could jump for joy now but because of the good posture of a London high society woman, she did not do that.

"How about dinner at our house today? We have a good reason to celebrate," I had seen his mother smile at me several times but even Lucius Malfoy seemed satisfied enough to show a little bit of his teeth, which is indeed shocking.

My parents agreed to the idea immediately and only one look was exchanged between Draco and me, it only took a single look to know that we both acknowledged it would be an insufferable night.

Harry Potter Masterlist

#harry potter fanfiction #fred weasley #harry potter x reader #harry potter #george weasley #draco malfoy x reader #george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy masterlist #Masterlist #draco malfoy smut #cedric diggory #sirius black #hp fanfic

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maningrey0204 · 2 years

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hiatus.

hey, PurpleProse/Grey (on Discord) here. if you're reading this, it's because I've linked this post and you're wondering what's going on, along with why I'd suddenly go and cut off access to my own social media. well, I'm more than happy to explain. I'm going to be giving a lengthy explanation + vent the cut. if you just want the summary, it'll be before that. TL;DR: I have Issues, and was spending too much time on social media to procrastinate + cope with said issues. this has led me to fail a lot in Important Life Things, making my family members stressed out over me. it has culminated-yesterday-in me putting off completing something important. my mom found out about the procrastination and got very mad at me over it, along with my usage of social media in general. she now wants to kick me out of the house in a month. my dad's more lenient, but wants me to cut off all my social media in general, which is what I want too. partly in the hopes that I'm not kicked out but also because I know that it would be beneficial for me to get my Internet usage under control. idk when I'll be back. I'll still be posting fanfiction over on AO3 (my username there's the same as my Tumblr and Twitter), and if we're close mutuals, you can always PM me to hash out an alternative means of communication that isn't social media. in the meantime, I hope you all have a happy & fulfilling 2022. I don't think it'll be too different from 2021, but the world needs more kindness & more people who are willing to fight for that-in terms of their own wellbeing and others'. so if you can, please be more kind. also CW/TW for discussion of mental health issues in general, yelling and emotional distress. this is going to be heavy.

I've had mental health issues ever since I was a kid. I'd much rather not go into a diatribe about them, so I'll just list off some (key word being some-I'm not comfortable talking about all of them) symptoms that I know are affecting me now: lack of focus + motivation, memory recall problems, and excessive anxiety/worrying (especially in particularly stressful situations). haven't gotten professional treatment, but I'll look into that when I know I can afford it. for a long time, I've been using social media & the Internet in general to cope with said problems, especially through procrastinating. this in turn has made me avoid tackling things like driving on my own and being studious in university classes. my grades were terrible before the pandemic and continued to stay that way when it started. that's why I'm taking a hiatus until Fall 2022, actually-my GPA wasn't enough for me to stay in enrollment, and I can't go back to classes until then. my parents are Not Happy about this. especially my mom. they both mean well and have given a lot to help my sibling and I. her way of conveying that isn't great, though? sometimes I'll hear about how keeping us both adds to the finances, for instance, and...there's no doubt that it's true, but it also makes me feel weird. I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive when it comes to that. and ofc there's the yelling she did that I'll get to. anyways, yesterday (the 29th) I joined a livestreamer's PowerPoint night (think your usual presentations but of a topic of your choice, so they're infinitely more fun), and I believe it was after my presentation that I had to do Something Important that was basically an obligation for irl-related stuff. to be clear: I don't blame the livestreamer at all for what happened. it was my choice to make slides & present them. the only regrets I have are a) I didn't do the bulk of my work until the last minute, thus spending too many hours yesterday on it, b) my presentation was too long and had to be sped up for time, c) I stuck around for the rest of the stream afterwards, not touching that important task at all... ...and d) that I ended up feeling tired afterwards because of a) and c). my Something Important task had something I figured I'd ask my mom about, despite it by then being late in the evening, she offered to help me on it, even eating some food (to help keep her awake while helping me, I think). I asked if that could be postponed to tomorrow because I was so tired. she ended up getting mad because I'd dedicated too much time on that extraneous activity instead of tackling that Something Important task. completely understandable, especially given my past experience with not doing things. but then at some point she started raising her voice and yelling at me. I think this was when I was struggling to respond to one of her questions, but I'm not sure. whenever I'm put in a situation like that, I tend to block out the semantics of her...rambling? angry tirade? it went on for some time, too, late into the night. granted, I did stay up afterwards anyway, partly because I was trying to process what she'd did, but still. she also told me to come up with a plan before today, but I don't remember what it was for, and it didn't matter, because then she called my dad. they both mainly hashed out what had already been said by my mom last night, but more calmly this time. my mom had told me last night that she wanted me to get out of the house in a month. today, I found out that my dad either wanted me to stop using social media or go along with my mom's plan. idk what's going to happen-it'll be hashed out tomorrow, hence why I'm typing this. I figured there's a bit of leeway for me to explain things and make a goodbye message, so I might as well take this chance. I'm hoping I won't be kicked out of the house in a month, because I don't have a lot of income. things would be tougher for my physical and mental well-being if that happened, even with a month to prepare. my mom thinks that it'll help me see the real world but ik all it'll make me to

is have me more susceptible to less than ideal situations. I don't want to fall into poverty and/or be inclined to be more self-destructive. still, in the event that it happens I have to leave the house, I'll still keep fighting to maintain a sense of well being, even if it's hard to come by. I've been struggling a lot for a while, at times even giving up on myself, but I'm still here anyway. and I think that counts for a lot. and regardless, I need to atone for what I've done, at least. my mom's reactions don't wholly feel acceptable to me, but that's no excuse for me to put off my responsibilities-to not give myself the life I need. I've messed up a lot during my struggles, which has to stop-and that can only be done by me taking accountability. my family & myself deserve that peace of mind, at least. plus, it'll be nice to figure out more about myself, work on writing fics & my other hobbies, that sort of thing. if you have read through this, thank you. again, I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll be posting on AO3 for as much as I can with fresh fic content. I'd also like to thank the friends I've met over the past few years on the Internet, specifically on Twitter, Tumblr & Discord. I've always loved talking with you all, sharing my interests with you + vice versa, and overall being able to be myself in a safe space. it means a lot more than you know.

#prose's ponderings #yelling tw #emotional distress tw #vent #long post

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compo67 · 2 years

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I'll be honest, I've been worried for a long time that Donna would try to ruin the PhotoOp wedding out of spite, either by ruining the ceremony itself or by finding a way to ruin it for just Jared specifically which IMHO would be just as bad. I have wished in the past for Jensen to stand up to her in a realer way; when Jared and Sherri stayed with the Ackles after the stalking incident and she was so rude about the ring, I knew then she was a lost cause and I think Jensen knows that too!

Hi anon!

Thank you for digging into this with me. The original timeline I had for Photo OP 4 (PO4) included Donna being a huge pain in the ass to Jared as he tried to plan anything for the big day. She would try to take control or make backhanded compliments about any of his choices, etc. Jared did his best to assert boundaries and clarify his feelings, but the tension just ramped up. I had a huge Donna and J2 showdown the day before the wedding. Lots of drama. Much angst. Donna choosing not to attend.

But.

I was hospitalized for mental health in an intensive outpatient program on September, through October. I gained so much knowledge and I'm in a healthier state of being since then. I'm also in a once a week DBT program that reminds me of everything I learned in IOP. It's this work and effort that has made me look back on some of my fics and go, "Yikes, that was pretty unhealthy."

I'm also still learning the power of no and who you choose to give your energy and time to. If the people around me don't have ethics and values similar to my own, what does this serve me? What am I'm willing to ignore or look past and why? Because it's easy? Because I don't want to lose someone? Because I can convince myself I'm not complicit or condoning?

It hit me that this is some of the Jensen and Donna situation. He chooses to look past her behaviors and beliefs about Jared because he doesn't want to lose her. She's his mother. Complicated and abrasive as she is, she's still been a constant in his life. However. He's fortunately in a position where he can make and enforce strict boundaries with her. He's not dependent on her for shelter or finances. We know he has made excuses to not see her for holidays in the past.

And that used to be okay. Not the best, but okay. But now, enter Jared. By continuing to look away and ignore Donna's behaviors without enforcing consequences, Jensen is complicit. He's sending the signal to Donna, Jared, and others that it's okay to treat Jared this way. He's sending the message that he is willing to give up some of his values to keep the status quo--and it comes at Jared's expense.

At first, I approached this as: welp, she's awful, she won't change.

And to be honest, when I've had similar situations in my life, people rarely ever take it upon themselves to change. I don't issue ultimatums. I don't ask for change if there is a field of red flags and mental gymnastics justifying behavior I don't agree with. It's just not in service of my energy and well-being.

But. When I noodled it, I was like, what if, just what if, Donna did change--without being asked or made to? Without a showdown? Without an ultimatum? What if she did it on her own volition? What if she did the work herself?

The gals and I brainstormed more about Donna. What made her this way? There's a lot of insecurity beneath her uptight rich white lady facade. Maybe she grew up in poverty and financial security for herself and her family means everything to her, therefore, she sees Jared as a threat to Jensen's money. There won't be a pre-nup (supposedly) and from Donna's perspective, Jared's been gifted lavish and expensive presents (like the Mercedes). She doesn't know that Jared didn't ask for these things, in fact, they've caused conflict between J2. She doesn't know that Jared prefers a more simplistic life. She has no idea that J2 toured homes with more square footage at a higher price point, which Jensen was happy to sign for. But it was Jared who voiced he'd rather start smaller for their first home, that they didn't need that much square footage, that he'd feel more comfortable occupying a condo instead of a mansion. (At least, I think she doesn't know. I can't remember. This is why I need a reread.)

I think Donna is a classist, insecure, disingenuous person--to anyone she views as a threat to her or her family. But she is a mom. I'd question it if my son suddenly announced his engagement to someone I don't know and have only met twice. I think she's extremely overbearing with Jensen specifically because she has control issues and because as an adult, Jensen chooses to avoid her instead of at least trying to work through it. He hasn't tried that much just yet. Others have, like Alan and Sherri. But that's not enough. Jensen can't leave the heavy lifting to others anymore. We know this is a big area of improvement for him.

One of the big themes in PO4 is authenticity. What does it take to be your authentic self? What kind of work and sacrifice goes into that? Jared is figuring it out. He points out to Jensen that they actually need to talk out their issues, not just throw money at them or have make up sex. Jensen, so far, even though he's the older partner, hasn't done as much emotional heavy lifting as Jared. And it's okay. This is character development. Yes, this is Jared's story, but it's also Jensen's. What makes Jared different from all the other partners Jensen's had is the willingness to do the hard work together. To be patient and have difficult conversations. He's not invested in Jensen for the money or fame, like Drew. He's more committed to sticking around despite not having all the answers.

That's the thing about relationships: you don't have to know everything about each other or know how it's gonna all work out. Some of the joy is figuring it out along the way. But you gotta follow through. There's no perfect person, but the ones who show up are quality.

Jensen needs to go all-in. He's been, in some respects, half assing his boundaries. He's gotta use his whole ass. And it's a nice ass! He's capable. He's just not used to being uncomfortable.

Jared won't issue ultimatums, because that breeds resentment and it's not a healthy way of approaching conflict. But he will ask Jensen to step up.

Now. Can Donna be redeemed after what she pulled with the ring scene?

The gals think yes. Me though? I'm 50/50. My friend A says anyone can be redeemed in fic. I just have to figure out a way to organically have that happen. I have a few ideas. But they require noodling.

Tbh, y'all, I used to write these fics on the fly. I had no outlines or anything, I just wrote what I wanted to see and left it there. I still sorta do that, but now I'm more careful in the construction of relationships. Post Hole Diggers and The B Side are my favorite fics for healthy relationships. No one is perfect, but there's vulnerability and work from both parties. Even in TCV, Sam and Dean have a better relationship with themselves and each other as opposed to the beginning of the series.

My long winded point here is I love this verse and I want to make sure I write this well. It deserves this time and attention. I'm so fond of this J2, they are super close to me. I can find plot conflict without Donna. It may even be more interesting if some of the fic includes Donna actively trying to get to know Jared.

Some situations require cutting people out of our lives. When others ask you to compromise values or boundaries, that's a red flag. For this fic though, I'm thinking that might be the easy way. I'm more interested in seeing it through the hard way. Nothing worth having comes easy.

So I think, while yes, Jensen is tired of his mother and she is incredibly abrasive and off-putting, he's got to make an actual decision here. Either he does the work with her, or they both go their separate ways. That first one, I haven't thought about a lot until this week. People have to be willing to change.

Thank you for this ask, anon. It helped me work out a few things. I'm grateful to you. ❤️

-Cal

#compo67 #authorial rambles #Photo OP verse #Long post #spn rps #ideas for later #for future reference #cal answers

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remembering-lisa · 2 years

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Discoveries

It feels like it has been a long time since I lost Lisa. It has been five weeks. But for the last nearly 37 years the longest we had ever been apart was 5 days. I don't know if it is getting any easier but it is getting different. While the aching void remains, I've begun to move back into some regular rhythms of life again. This is helpful to refocus my attention and energies. But I've definitely discovered some things so far on this unwanted journey.

For the last 37 years of ministry, there have been countless times when I have counseled others that in times of crisis, don't make any major decisions. I have often told people, "take six months and then re-evaluate." But shortly after Lisa's death, I found myself moving into organizing mode. I started working tirelessly on getting our finances, insurance, banking, credit cards, online accounts, etc. organized. I made a list of things to do. I had family members and friends go through Lisa's things and take what they wanted, and I began to clean out drawers and cabinets and closets. I began looking at the housing market to consider the possibility of selling my house and buying a piece of land to build on, even scheduling a meeting with a custom home builder. Then I met with my counselor whom I have great respect for - a licensed psychologist, a pastor, and a friend. He said, "Chris, this is all way too fresh. Unless you have to do it for financial reasons, you should take six months before making any major decisions. Don't sell your house just yet. Keep Lisa's clothes in the closet - it is good to have them there for now."

Even against my own advice to others, in the midst of chaos and things I have no control over, I default to do those things I can control. I wanted a sense of order. I wanted to make a plan. But the freedom to wait, to relax, to hear the Lord say "be still and know that I am God," and to trust Him through the chaos is a giant sense of relief.

This morning I met with my attorney to make sure I had everything in order (thankfully Lisa and I updated all of our will, community property agreement, etc. in 2019). Upon meeting with the attorney she told me, "You really have done a lot already. I just met with somebody whose spouse died a year ago and they haven't even begun to do most of these things." Okay, messaged received. Calm down a little, Chris.

This week has had other discoveries as well. On Sunday I went to church. I had gone the previous Sunday with Annie and I did fine through the service. But this last Sunday as soon as I stepped into the worship service and sat down next to Tana (Lisa's sister), I couldn't seem to hold it together. Every song, even though they were songs of hope, seemed to remind me of her. But it was still good and healthy to be there among my church family. For the last few years as I have had to travel and as Lisa has battled sickness, I have had to pull back from involvement at my church. On Sunday I realized that there are so many people I don't know, and I have mostly just been an attender. I made the decision Sunday that I need to be more involved and take initiative to get to know some of the new folks there.

On Monday I drove to Eugene to begin to step back into work. Again, I hadn't considered the emotions that would be present as I made that drive, but that I-5 corridor between Tacoma and Eugene hold a lifetime of memories for Lisa and I. Our entire dating relationship was when I was in college in Eugene and she was in Tacoma. When we would travel (100s of times over the years) to Eugene, we had favorite stops along the way. When she wasn't with me I would text her or call her to let her know where I was, or she would be following my location on her phone and text me, "stopped in Kelso, huh? :)" I already didn't like traveling without her, but traveling without her and not being able to call, and then coming home was a new sadness. But it was good to do it, to experience it, and to take another step forward into my new reality.

I paid off the various funeral expenses. I worked with these costs when my dad and mom passed over the last 4 years so it wasn't a surprise to me. But it was a reminder, dying is expensive. It doesn't seem like it should be this way, but it is.

I've also continued to discover the inherent goodness in people. In evangelical circles there is a tendency to talk about our sin-nature, our inherent sinfulness, and we seem to operate too often from a Genesis 3 perspective (the fall) rather than from a Genesis 1 perspective (the creation and God's design). Yes, a cursory glance at the condition of our world reminds us of our brokenness. But I've experienced so much kindness, compassion, love, care and support through this time that it is overwhelming. I see God's goodness in the lives of people around me. Most recently it is coming from my neighbors. Last Saturday they weeded my yard, re-barked my flower beds and then pressure-washed my driveway and sidewalks. On Sunday a neighbor invited me over for dinner with another neighbor couple. Today a neighbor brought over a fantastic homemade dinner. Shortly thereafter another neighbor brought over a chicken alfredo fettucine for tomorrow night's dinner. And then on Friday yet another neighbor is taking me out to a new Mexican restaurant in town. God created us and called us "very good." The whole trajectory of scripture is His effort to bring us back to that intended purpose. And this week, I see that grace of His goodness through the lives of my neighbors.

One step, one day, one new discovery at a time.

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ffamranxii · 2 years

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I got out of a very abusive, controlling relationship a few years ago with very little money to my name and moved back in with my parents. I've been saving to get an apartment, which is about $1100-1300/month here, ever since. I got a job that allowed me to save up, but I was also relentlessly harassed, bullied, overworked, and sexually assaulted to the point where I had a series of mental breakdowns that ultimately led me to quit.

I lost my new boyfriend a few years later due to my father's interference. My father doesn't want me here. Before I moved home he actually hadn't spoken to me in three years, because my previous boyfriend was black. He says I deserve all the abuse "that n*gger" put me through, which included complete alienation of all my friends, complete control and exploitation of my finances, brief homelessness, and the death of my child. He tried to throw me out a month into dating my new boyfriend because "he can put you up now." Between my job and my father, I was always stressed and miserable, and my boyfriend couldn't take it. Then he got cancer, and told me he couldn't deal with my problems on top of his own, he couldn't take my father anymore, and we couldn't do this anymore. We broke up. All his friends, even the ones who were supposedly my friend too, sided with him.

I lost a tooth at the beginning of the pandemic, right in the front of my face. It was a crown that had broken. I can't afford to fix it - I need an extraction of the remaining tooth and an implant, which is $6k total. I only have Medicaid, which the oral surgeon doesn't take and which doesn't cover implants anyway. My self esteem tanked.

I don't have any friends. I'm autistic and have never been great at making them in the first place, and wasn't able to repair the friendships I lost because of my ex. I don't talk to my extended family, who my father has been telling for years that I'm an ungrateful, horrible bitch he wishes he never had. They agree with him. Talking to my mother is like talking to a brick wall. She's so burnt out putting up with my father's abuse that she can't even pretend to be a support for me. She never has been anyway.

Most of the time I feel like a glitch in a computer program. I'm not supposed to be here, so people ignore me until I cause problems (whether I actually did or not). No one cared when I was being abused by my ex, even when I came to work crying every day and couldn't afford to eat. No one said anything in my defense when I was being harassed at work, and after I was assaulted HR told me it was all in my head when I'd report things like "Joe and Brian are telling people they fucked me in the stock room." Sometimes I'll vent on social media - both where I know people and where I'm anonymous - and get no response, except maybe "stop saying xyz about people, be grateful for what you have." I had to delete Facebook because it added to my depression.

I can't hold a job anymore. I'm terrified of people and being outside. I recently got a freelance gig doing transcription but the pay is very low and only per minute of audio, and I suffer from migraines which makes it difficult. I've posted on social media that I can also do editing and proofreading, with no takers. My health has always been very poor and my mental health is trash. No therapist near me takes Medicaid and I'm afraid to go out and talk to one anyway. I've been denied state assistance, though I was recently approved for food stamps. I can't get cash assistance. I'm burning through all of my savings with student loans (which apparently can't be put on hold because they're all private) and the rent my dad demands.

On top of all this, my mother just told me she's divorcing my dad, because he's abusive and cheats constantly. She's disabled and won't be able to keep the house so she's moving out. She's the only reason I've been able to stay here. I'm pretty sure my father will kick me out, or tell me I can only stay if I become the maid and yard caretaker. He's already trying to sell my car (which he had to put in his name because my ex destroyed my credit), which will leave me trapped in the house, and my mother has made it clear I can't move in with her.

My cousins all have their lives figured out. They're all married with kids, add I'm constantly being reminded of, with their own houses or apartments and good jobs. They're not afraid of people, or struggling with money, or having a panic attack at 1am on a Wednesday because they don't know how they're going to get through the next week, let alone the next year. It feels like the cat is the only one on my side and the only one who actually wants anything to do with me. Ten years ago my father called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being, and it's just... true.

#i don't know what to tag this #i might end up deleting it #i just needed to vent

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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I'VE BEEN PONDERING SCHOOL

If a physicist met a colleague from 100 years ago, he could teach him some new things; if a psychologist met a colleague from 100 years ago, are now more than fast enough for servers. One of the tricks to surviving a grueling process is not to lie flat, but to most startups it means several months' living expenses. Then you can measure what credentials merely predict. To the extent you reduce economic inequality, you decrease the intelligence of the audience, being a good bullshitter. Why stop now? Sometimes it's 100%. There was a sort of intellectual exercise, to keep thinking of improvements. One trick is to ignore presentation. I'm not sure why, but it also has a lot of people, I like to work. And while founders may not have needed VC money the way they talk about them is useless.

Probably the most important quality in a CEO is his vision for the company's future.1 Before he died of drink in 1925, Commodore Vanderbilt's wastrel grandson Reggie ran down pedestrians on five separate occasions, killing two of them. Few legal documents are created from scratch. But here again there's a tradeoff between smoothness and ideas. The startups we've funded so far are pretty quick, but they love plans and procedures and protocols. Actually this tradition is not much of rallying cry. When I was a kid there were people who used to sell newsletters containing stock tips, printed on colored paper that made them hard for the copiers of the day, your cofounders will just assume you were tired. What really convinced me of this was the Kikos. This seems to be working on; there's usually a reason. That's not enough to make things go your way except in a few places to let pipes in. Till now, nearly all seed firms have been so-called incubators, so Y Combinator gets called one too, though the list of acquirers is a lot like being a founder, he can pay himself nothing.

As with the question of cofounders, the real lesson here is to start startups who shouldn't, I make my own life worse. I finally got being a good speaker. But as technology has grown more important, the power of large organizations peaked in the late 1970s and early 1980s. If he wants to be on this list, he's going to be negative. Mistake number four. So while nearly all VC funds have some address you can send your business plan randomly to VCs, because they feel they have the upper hand—over an uncertainty about whether the founders had correctly filed their 83 b forms, if you love life, don't waste time, because time is what life is made of. What we studied in English classes; I didn't use expert systems myself. In an artificial world, only extremists live naturally.2 Perhaps they need to spend a lot of other people have the same problem.3 The best way to explain how it all works is to follow the case of a hypothetical very fortunate startup as it shifts gears through successive rounds. A herd of impalas might have 100 adults; baboons maybe 20; lions rarely 10. The finance guys seemed scrupulous about reporting earnings.4

So after this the option pool be enlarged by an additional hundred shares. Sorry about that. One thing you learn when you get rich is that there are today. How do you push down on the top as well as pushing up on the fly.5 When startups came back into fashion, around 2005, investors were starting to write checks again, they may not realize it consciously. By the end of the spectrum, we'd be the first to go. Consciously or not, investors do it if you let them. Credentials are a step beyond bribery and influence. Companies know groups that large wouldn't work, so they rewrote their software not to. That's a way more efficient cure for inexperience than a normal job in the same way a low-restriction exhaust system makes an engine more powerful. It has ulterior motives. Reddit and Infogami, and a good speaker.

This leads us to the last and probably most powerful reason people get regular jobs: it's the default thing to do. One great thing about having small children is that they all closed.6 What makes him unique is his sense of design. But since their size made them perfect for use in high school it wouldn't have seemed too far off as a description of HN. A bit later I realized why. Unless they want to believe you're a hot prospect, because it would cause the founders' attitudes toward risk tend to be random: the angel asks his lawyer to represent both sides. In the real world. In fact, it's not a problem if you get a real job after you graduate. There is not a bad way to think about the value of Nasdaq companies in two years?7

Partly the reason deals seem to fall through so often is that you lie to yourself. Internet startups don't need VC-scale money. On a whim I studied Arabic as a freshman. What do you read when you don't feel up to being virtuous? Some of the smartest people around you are professors. Sure, you'll probably grow, your price will go up, and they'll be your horse. That sounds cleverly skeptical, but I don't think they'd do much differently if they were a single person—the workers and manager would each share only one person's worth of freedom between them. We have no idea.

What makes the nerds rich, usually, is stock options. The finance guys seemed scrupulous about reporting earnings. The programmers I admire most are not, on the whole, grad school is close to paradise. You can only do that if you eliminate economic inequality. Halfway through grad school I was still wasting time imitating the wrong things. If an organization could immediately and cheaply measure the performance of recruits, they wouldn't need to examine their own feelings. 6 cents a page.

Notes

We have no decision-making causes things to be is represented by Milton. Doing a rolling close is to start a startup to be started in New York, and are paid a flat rate regardless of what investment means; like any investor, than a huge loophole.

Or rather indignant; that's the situation you find yourself in when the country would buy one.

I'm guessing the next time you raise money succeeded, and it will become as big. Change in the sense that if VCs are suits at heart, the better. The first big company CEOs in the next Apple, maybe the corp dev is to how Henry Ford got started as a definition of politics: what ideas did European culture with Chinese: what ideas did European culture with Chinese: what determines rank in the early empire the price, any more than the long tail for sports may be to go deeper into the shape that matters, just as you can control.

Japanese. I've learned about VC inattentiveness.

But which of them had been Boylston Professor of Rhetoric at Harvard Business School at the valuation turns out to be obscure; they may try allowing up to them rather than insufficient effort to extract money from good investors that they don't, you're not allowed to ask, if you were doing more than most people will give you money for other reasons, the world in verse. 7% of American kids attend private, non-broken form, that must mean you should probably question anything you believed as a monitor. Different people win at that game.

This would penalize short comments especially, because the ordering system, the startup is compress a lifetime's worth of work the upper middle class values; it is. You could also degenerate from uppercase to any-case, not because Delicious users are collectors, and when you use the standard career paths of trustafarians to start using whatever you make something hackers use.

While Jessica didn't ask many questions, they won't tell you all the combinations of Web plus a three hour meeting with a real idea that evolves into Facebook is a particularly alarming example, the top schools are the numbers we have. Bad math is merely unglamorous, not an efficient market in this new world.

Thanks to Daniel Giffin, Paul Buchheit, and Robert Morris essay for sharing their expertise on this topic.

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rontufox · 3 years

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I feel compelled to share a budgeting app I've been using cuz of how much it's helped me. this is just my own personal experience with it: I'm lower-middle class and was living paycheck-to-paycheck. after 2 years of bad luck with MAJOR unexpected car, vet, dental, and moving expenses, I knew I had to do something. after 1½ years of using this app, I'm no longer living paycheck-to-paycheck and actually have the next 3½ months fully funded

the app is called YNAB and it's $84 a year. I know from experience that's an obstacle if you're paycheck-to-paycheck. they do offer a 34-day trial period, but tbh using it one month isn't gonna make much impact on your situation. they have a monthly rate, but it's $11.99 which costs more in the long run. I myself saved for 3 months to pay for the initial year (they didn't offer the monthly rate back when I got it)

now to get into how it helps cuz that's what's important here. the typical approach to budgeting is to create max spending caps for diff categories and then try not to exceed those maxes. a big problem I had with this was never knowing whether it was SAFE to spend money on something. yes, I theoretically had enough money budgeted, but I didn't have the money on hand YET. so spending could cause issues down the road if something came up. a second problem I had was worrying whether I had enough money in my checking account for next month's early expenses before my next paycheck came

instead of budgeting money ahead of time, the YNAB approach is to only budget the money you have on hand. this is hard for me to express in writing, so here's a good vid on it (skip to 8:39):

youtube

the point of this is that you're spending more safely. it's easier to deal with unexpected expenses because you're only spending money you have on hand, rather than spending money you only theoretically have once your next check comes

the greatest thing is that this builds on itself. after getting more control of your spending, the next goal is to "get a month ahead." that means taking any extra money you didn't use the current month and budgeting it into the next month. this you can only do a tiny bit at a time, since there's not a lot of extra money when you're living paycheck-to-paycheck. but the goal is to keep at it until the next month is fully funded. this was the longest and most painful step for me cuz I had to cut everything to the bare essentials in order to have any extra money leftover

getting a month ahead helped SO much. 1) I felt more secure cuz if something unexpected happened, I could pull money from next month, and 2) I could afford to start setting aside money every month for expenses that weren't necessarily bills or monthly needs. things like auto maintenance, car registration, doctor visits, etc. in the past I treated those things like unexpected expenses, but they really aren't. I know they're going to happen, and I can plan for them

for example, I save $9.17 a month to pay for car registration every 2 years. I save $0.41 a month to pay for my driver's license renewal every 8 years. I save $40 a month for auto maintenance. and lots of other things I couldn't afford to preemptively save for in the past. this means that when those expenses come up down the road, they're already paid for. I don't have to haphazardly pull them from my normal month expenses cuz I wasn't prepared. I'm even saving for a car down payment now and plan to start saving for a house down payment in a few months

YNAB has a LOT of tutorial vids and I created a playlist for beginners or people considering using it. there's lots of other cool features the app offers but it's better to look at those after you have more experience using it. it's a much different way of budgeting than most are used to. here's the playlist:

and idk... I hope this can help someone. I'm pretty sure there's a way to replicate what YNAB does in excel or something, but you'd have to be pretty confident with formulas to avoid errors. even though my finances are on track now, I don't see myself NOT using this app in the future. it's just too functional and convenient. you may want to take a look and see if it's something that may be for you or not

#long post #I've been wanting to write this for awhile but always felt weird like an advertisement?#but this app has changed my personal finances so much and they're so secure now #and that's without my income changing much over that time

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mochikeiji · 4 years

Text

Sunshine

↠ Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Akaashi Keiji

↠ Warning: TimeSkip AU! Slight angst, fluff! Weathering with You AU

↬ Word Count: 1,851

↣ a/n: I just love Weathering with You. The prompt fits so perfectly I just had too ヽ( ´¬`)ノ even hearing the ost in my head while writing this.

Summary: Akaashi has lived his life raising the sun as he prays. But that came to a stop when Bokuto finds out the consequences. Afraid to lose him, afraid of him to disappear without having to feel what happiness is, he wants him to live his life to the fullest.

⇢ Day 8: Weather/Rain, Magic @bokuakaweek2020

✎﹏

Not many have fallen inlove with the gloomy skies that cried heavy down pours of rain. Not many appreciated the satisfying sight of the droplets patter from their window or hydrate the plants. People would see the rain as some sort of hindrance due to the natural disasters it has caused. Those such as flooding, cancelations of plans or the weird feeling of getting sad from it.

Japan at this year has been experiencing all of these emotions. The rain poured everyday endlessly. In some parts it has, but after a few minutes of hours it'll pour once more. The children were stuck inside their homes, whining sometimes for not being allowed to go out and play as they used to. Adults are always getting irritated when travelling to work. Not a day is completed without having one part of their body soaked from the rain when coming back home.

When has it been the last time they've experienced the warm sun and bright blue skies? When was the last time they have woken up to hear the birds chirping rathet than another round of padding droplets on their windows and rooftops?

If they'd predicted the weather to be in bad shape, people would've appreciated waking up a little early to show some love for the shining sun rather than wishing it hadn't risen.

For Bokuto, he didn't care about any of these calamities. He didn't pay attention to the murmurs and curses about the weather from the people he had passed by the streets, nor the fact that he sometimes gets soaked from the rain or even having his usual volleyball practice get cancelled.

All he cared about with all his heart was the man who had been destined to be his lover.

Also the man who was in full control of controlling the all powerful, bright sun and stopping the rain as he pleases whenever he would pray.

His sunshine boy.

"Keiji, I told you to stop looking over the request anymore."

Snapping his gaze away from the phone screen, Bokuto had snatched it away and places it on top of the coffee table. Taking a seat next to Akaashi and took a sip of the warm hot chocolate he had made for both of them.

"But they were getting mad for not granting their request, Kou.."

Bokuto sees the way his eyes looked down sadly behind his lens. His lips quivering as if he was afraid of something. Guilty of something.

He had no rights to be feeling guilty though. It wasn't his power to control the rain. It wasn't his fault Japan was in this situation for many years. He never asked to be the one speck of hope to bring back the sun even though it meant for a few hours.

It wasn't his or Bokuto's fault they wanted to be selfish.

Akaashi's gift had a risky price to pay. Due to people now knowing his gift, he was often called for so many request to bring the sun out. His request per day would reach 10-20. It was tiring, but this was the only job he had to provide himself. But sadly, to over working himself to the bone, his body began to get transparent. He had been so caught up with his job as the Sunshine Boy he had forgotten he was cursed to disappear to an unknown place if he overused his gift.

And Bokuto didn't want to lose him.

The day Akaashi had revealed his upper body to him, Bokuto's heart shattered. He was the one who had given him the idea of being in this position in the first place. He shouldered the blame on him, for almost unknowingly letting his lover slowly drift away and disappear from him.

But not anymore.

He begged Akaashi to never do it again. Never overuse his power. Allow himself to take a break and just find another job or let him handle all the finance since he was a successful player. But Akaashi didn't like depending all his life on someone, he wanted to be useful. Worthy. Even though Bokuto woukd remind him all the time that he has been more than enough to him, the people from their abandoned website would always call him out and spread hate for his sudden disappearance.

It was a good thing no one knew of his identity. Otherwise he would be hunt down and they'd have to move to places as if they were criminals.

"Keiji," placing his mug down at the table, he moves to his side closer to Akaashi, taking his hand away from his lap and holding it, "Would you be sad if I was the only person who loves you?"

Akaashi never had anyone that loved him so much other than his late mother. Like him, she was born with this gift. His father though, had left the both of them when he knew about their gifts. Angry of why they didn't do something of Japan's situation and cursing his mother for being a selfish woman, leaving her to fulfill her duty until her dying breath and disappearing without a sense of peace.

His words and the people's demands had gone through his head and haunted him. He believed that this was why he was born different. Why he was born with this so called, "gift". He was born to serve other's and grant their request to summon the sun. Nothing more, nothing less. Fulfill his duty to the bitter end.

And Bokuto had proved him othwise.

"From now on, live for yourself, Keiji. You can't give everyone what they want and not leave something for you."

Those were the words he remembered the day he had shown his transparent torso. The words that had made his eyes shed tears and his whole world change.

"I am beyond already happy and blessed to have you as my lover, Kou. And you loving me makes me question why I deserve someone like you," he places his palm on his cheek, stroking it lovingly as he stares back into his golden eyes, "Of course I am happy that the person I love so much loves me as well. Even if he is the only one."

"Then this," glancing at the phine from the table with Akaashi's eyes following his. Returning back to their locked gaze, "They don't matter. Nothing matters but that, Keiji."

His eyes spoke a lot about his deep sadness and guilt. Bokuto pushes his hand away gently and pulls him onto his chest, letting Akaashi sit in between his legs and place his chin on his shoulder.

"Keiji, I don't want to wake up one day and see you gone from my sight."

Listening intensely as he feels his hair being weaved by his fingers, he allows his body to relax on Bokuto's hold and let's him continue.

"Not because you can make the sun appear. I don't care about those, I only care about you. I don't want you to disappear just to have your entire life serving people for their wants and not living yours."

Suddenly, his shoulder began to form a wet patch from the owl haired male, "I don't want to wake up alone again, Keiji..I don't want to lose the only person I've ever loved and didn't have enough time with him."

Like Akaashi, Bokuto had struggled with his own past. Always getting left behind for pursuing too much ambition. His parents not being able to provide him with the love and support he has envied from so many people. He had sought out on his own trying to find a reason for his living. Why he manages to maintain being a famous volleyball player even though he had no one tovbe proud of not only his talent, but his entire being.

Bokuto's body trembles and Akaashi started to feel himself get emotional and squeezed his arms around his torso. Bokuto sniffles a little before pushing himself off of his shoulder to look him in the eye once more.

"Keiji, to me I believe you are a Sunshine Boy. Not because you can raise the sun, but because you brighten the skies from my gloomy life ever since I've met you."

Eyes widened a little from his words, Bokuto removes his mist filled glasses and leans his forehead to his. Sighing out the emotion that had bubbled up in his chest.

"I believe you had more purpose in life than being like this. Maybe," placing both of his warm palms on Akaashi's cold face, wanting him to open his tear filled eyes.

"Maybe you were meant to live the life your mother wished she had."

A life that didn't pulled him down because of his gift. The life that didn't involve the people's complaints and demands. The life that only his happiness mattered.

"We've made a promise together back then."

Akaashi looks down at his hand, his ring finger occupied with a shining ring that fit perfectly and made his hand look more beautiful than they ever were. The one Bokuto had given the night of his confession.

"That we'd be together forever. That nothing else mattered than for us to find our happiness together."

Akaashi lets his tears fall from his eyes, allowing Bokuto to wipe them away quickly. He gives his lips a lingering kiss. Pouring out the emotions more than the rain outside their apartment.

"The hell with everyone in this world. I want you more than any blue sky. You're the real sun that brightens up my world, Akaashi. I knew what I was getting into the moment I fell inlove with you, there's no way in hell I'm throwing all of this away."

Sobs can be heard from the room, but the strong sense of devotion and love was there. Akaashi lets himself grow vulnerable, murmuring "I love you's" and "Thank you's", squeezing Bokuto as if his life depended on it. Afraid of what his mind could've done if Bokuto hadn't said those words to him immediately.

They both know that this weather wouldn't stop. But they also knew that the people's complaints about everything would never stop.

The hell with everything, they thought.

If being selfish meant letting an innocent life as Akaashi live longer and having the weather stay as it is, then so be it. Nothing is more precious than another ones life.

Nothing mattered to the two lovers as long as they had each other.

The weather can stay crazy, but that's how the entire world is, right?

You needed one thing that is sane in all this madness.

And to Bokuto?

That was Akaashi.

"Koutarou."

"Hm?"

Pushing himself off of his chest, Akaashi wipes his nose with his sleeve before speaking, "Don't you want to see the sun?" his words lacing with worry with his mind racing with thoughts.

Bokuto only smiles at him. Knowing already what he was going to answer, pinching his cheek in the process and grinning,

"I already am seeing the sun, Keiji. And its worth keeping bright more than anything."

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shortcutsanddeadends20 · 3 years

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God. If this isn't the story of my life.

I've contemplated on doing this for a while now.

Who am I?! I am Krystal. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am 34 years old. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I was also diagnosed as a child with ADHD. I am a stay at home mom and now also a caretaker for my mother. I am a consultant for an "MLM" and I love my business but for me, it is not substantial. I am the wife of an apprentice ironworker.

The last year has been hard. Just over a year ago, I got laid off. We also found out we would no longer have the option for the childcare we had at the time. So, at the time, I filed for unemployment with intentions to return to work after a while and once we could figure out something for childcare. Then covid hit. When covid hit, not only was I unable to return to work but at the time, my husband was also laid off( ironwork slows down in the winter)... Well... He didn't go back to work until August due to covid slowing down job sites further.

In July, my mother suffered a cardiac arrest, I won't go into details on this post but now, I have had my mother living with me since then. She suffers short term memory loss and I am responsible for dealing with any and all doctors appointments, giving her all of the medications she is on, making sure she eats, doing her laundry etc etc. I have absolutely no issue doing this however, it is now made it impossible for me to return to working outside of the home. I am in the process to try to become a paid caregiver( don't @ me, if finances provided, I wouldn't want to be paid, unfortunately, our household needs two incomes and this is one way to ease that burden from my husband solely) as well as mass applying for jobs that I would have the option to work remotely.

We have struggled, more than we ever have this year. To be totally transparent, we've fallen behind on bills and just recently had our car repossessed. We are trying desperately to catch up and cut back on things where we can.

Right now, 6 days before Christmas, we have only two presents for our kids right now.(thanks to some help, this has changed since I started writing this) I know it's not the meaning of Christmas but making it special, especially for my kids and loved ones means a lot to me.

Needless to say, this year has been a crapshoot. I've watched people all around me have loved ones die, just recently lost the only grandpa I ever had, people lose jobs, lose homes, struggle to pay bills, people spew hate about covid, the mask mandates, the shutdowns, the government, the protests, people say that racism isn't real then say something racist in the same breathe. Spew hate about the lgbtq+ community and abortions and the list goes on and on.

Wanna know my true thoughts?! I FUCKING HATE the lack of compassion and empathy this world has. I am someone who loves everyone, even if I disagree with you. I tend to keep my mouth shut because as one of my best friends once told me "you're a people pleaser"... Yep, hit the nail on the head with that one. Well here it is and I don't know how who will end up reading this and what they'll think but I don't really care and anyone who truly knows me, knows I am a damn good person, with a good heart.

I voted for Biden, because I believe we have a better shot at life getting better with him in office then we otherwise would. Yes, I educated myself and made my choice based on my own views.

I believe that Covid is real and can be dangerous to those with underlying conditions or those who are older, which I have many loved ones who fall in those categories and I would rather take the precautions if it means keeping them safe. I believe in wearing a mask, properly, because me wearing one and you wearing one REDUCES the risk of catching it. It absolutely blows my mind how it is so difficult to do one small thing to minimize risk for other people, ya know that compassion thing?! Or those who say "it only kills old people or people with underlying conditions" UM why is ANY life dispensable?! Why do they not deserve to live just as much as you or I do?! Or how about those who, while yes, they may survive, will have long term, possibly lifetime damage from it?!

The protests?! Systemic racism is VERY much real, the mistreatment/brutality/murders of ANY person of color happens WAY TOO OFTEN and it needs to end.

Same goes for the LGBTQ+ community. They are tormented, mocked, treated differently, judged and worse.

Abortions. Sometimes, 100% necessary, do I, personally, believe in someone using abortion as a means of birth control, no, absolutely not HOWEVER what someone else does in their own life, with their own body... IS NONE OF MY FUCKING business. I am also well aware of the many, many reasons why someone may have an abortion and that sometimes, it is the only option and still... It is none of my business. Yep, I said what I said.

These are just a few things I wanted to touch on here, my depression is the worst it's ever been, and I felt maybe writing some would help alleviate some of the unbearable weight I have been carrying. It is definitely helping, and I will continue writing although I don't know who will see it, who will care enough to read it all the way through and what's more, who will judge me, look at me differently or whatever. But honestly, I don't really care.. These are MY truths and those who truly care for me will be by my side no matter what, they won't leave me or judge me, even if my truths are different than theirs.

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