#im afraid of having wasted the last 3 years but... better than wasting any more in an area i might not have a future in

[layzeal]

i may be going through a bit of a crisis, but i'm also really curious: adults, if you're comfortable sharing, could you reply/put in the tags what your current profession/area of study is? no need to be specific if you don't want to!!

#it's always so cool to me how different our paths of life can be #when we are all in This Website for somehwat similar reasons #i'm currently doing a bachelors in soemthing that i... might transfer? and start a different bachelors? #im afraid of having wasted the last 3 years but... better than wasting any more in an area i might not have a future in #what about you!!!

[mxvladdy]

heyy i just read your fic Case of the Munchies on ao3 and im Loving it!!!! its amazing!! i was wonder if youre accepting requests and if you haven’t done it could you write the same for the rest: mammon, levi, satan, belphi, dia, barbatos and smth for simeon and luke (ofc platonic) like how angles have a true form and that means they can never relax around mc and how solomon has so much power at his fingertips he can just snap and end them or smth like that? pretty please and thank you!!!!

A/N: Of Course! Of Course! I already did Mammon and Levi HERE so I’ll do the other four in this request! You sent me a lot of good ideas and I’ll sprinkle them out into other requests soon!

Hope you like it!!

Case of the Munchies prt 3!

Word Count: 4.2k

Characters: Satan, Belphie, Diavolo, Barbatos

TW: Mentions of eating and cook humans, very mild gore

Satan

As the only full-blooded demon of the seven, he has thought about it...just hypothetically of course. When you were new to the Devildom he did find your scent more appetizing than the others. It’s a good thing he has the most restraint and control of all his kin, especially when it comes to his more base urges.

He doesn’t hide this knowledge from you. It’s readily available in the library and his own room in the history books. He just won’t bring it up. So if you don’t say anything, he won’t either. What would he say anyway? “Yes, I’ve thought about it, up until it was outlawed it was a staple of our diet after all…” Ye, probably not the best thing to say.

When you finally brought it up he was exasperated. Did you have to bring it up during the few hours he had alone with himself? He wasn’t going to lie but the thought of hurting your feelings would just about do him in.

He will alleviate your worries if you have any. If Satan was anything, he was genuine.

Mini Fic

His wine curdles in his stomach, turning sour along with the take-out he had nabbed for the two of you to enjoy tonight. Drinks and dinner were becoming a staple in your T.V. night tradition. If one of you had had a rough day you would drop by your favorite shop of the hour and pick up a meal to share while you vent.

Today in particular had been a shit day for him. Failed experiment after failed experiment, and one bottle that didn’t explode on impact with the potion he dropped. Sigh. At least your comforting words soothed his wounded pride a little. You chuckle at his escapades glad to see he is not hurt at least. It was nice to have someone to see the humor in something that normally would have dampened his mood.

“You’re a pest.” He laughs at you while snapping his takeout chopsticks in half to use. “I need sympathy-hours of work wasted.” You snort into your own bowl of udon.

“You need words of praise like Beel needs another stomach.” Satan gasps in mock insult pointing a sauce stained chopstick at you.

“How dare you insult your host! After I toiled over this meal of-” What did he get exactly? Honestly, when he placed the order he was near boiling with rage at his careless fumble. It was to be a surprise for you, something to give you a bit of magic while supervised by himself. He knew how frustrated you were with your lack of magical ability in class so he wanted to gift you something grand. Now he has to wait months to try again.

Ah, well...nothing ventured nothing gained as they say.

You watch him sulk over his soup dumplings, his mile away from the comfort of your company and his room. “Come on blondie.” You poke him with your foot before burying them under his pajama-clad thighs on the couch. “Eat your ‘hard earned’ meal before I do.” You snatch up his D.D.D forgetting your own food for a moment to set up your favorite streaming service to cast to his small T.V. “Want to watch a bunch of humans fail miserably at baking?”

"I thought you would never ask."

Satan feels you stiffen in his arms two hours into your bake-off marathon. Your takeout boxes are cold and forgotten on his coffee table, a bottle of wine gone between the two of you. He glances down at you curious.

You were transfixed on the screen. The novice baker on screen was struggling to keep his monstrosity of a cake upright. It was the annual Halloween episode and this fool went for a Silence of the Lambs inspired cake. A good concept really, but very poorly executed. The fake body parts and sugar blood weighted the pastry down dangerously. If he were, to be frank, the cake was also tacky as hell. Heh, he'd have to try to make this for Lucifer.

"Does his abuse of the piping gun offend you that much?" He jokes wrapping an arm around you.

Your laugh is breathy and lacks its usual warmth. "It is excessive isn't it?" You look up at him. "Hey, Satan-have you ever eaten people before?"

"Uhh…" Great, how eloquent. This came out of nowhere, did Lucifer set you up to this? No-no you wouldn’t. Would you hate him if you knew? “I have.” He admits through clenched teeth waiting for your reaction.

“Didn’t Diavolo ban it?” He can tell you are doing the mental math in your head.

He chuckles dryly. “Well, you never asked if I did it legally.” You move away from his touch and pause the show. “I mean...I did it legally! ” His mouth runs freely, his brain screaming at him to shut up.

“Satan.” You cross your arms unimpressed.

“It was a new law and I never meant to eat it for the most part. It was at a time where I was still struggling to control myself.” Young and stupid as Lucifer had said defending him every step of the way when he would slip up. Was it sold on the black market now? Yes. Did he know how to get it? Sure, but he would never nor would he tell you about it either.

You nod thinking about his words. “I can empathize.” Oh, thank the Devil. “Have you thought of eating me?”Ahhh. “Oh my God, you have.” You chuck a pillow at him with a laugh.

He catches the pillow and clutches it to his fiery hot face. “Everyone did at first!” If he was going down then he was going to take every one of his brothers down with him. “I wasn’t going to act on it! It was a spur of the moment-why are you laughing!”

“Sorry, sorry.” You wipe at the tears in your eyes wishing you had your phone to take a picture of his blushing face. “I kind of figured you did.”

Satan looks at you incredulously. “Shouldn’t you be a bit more torn up over this?”

You shrug. “After everything we’ve been through? I admit it was a shock to think at first but I mean, you would have done it by now right?”

“Well, thank you?” He flops back on the couch, still clutching the pillow to act as a barrier between you two. He’ll take it as a compliment.

You scoot close, nudging his knee with yours. “You ok?” He nods. “Can I touch you?” He nods again eagerly. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and squeeze. “Sorry, I made you uncomfortable.”

Satan chuckled, dropping the pillow to hug you back. “It’s ok.” He peaks your forehead. “Now, with that out of the way. Shall we finish this?” He swipes up his phone to hit play. You nod, flinging your legs over him to snuggle closer. “Good, I’m dying to know how he tries to save that thing. I’m putting money on icing.”

“You know.” You break the silence once more, unable to stop yourself. “I wouldn’t be opposed to being eaten...in some ways.”

Belphegor

After your first *ahem* encounter, he doesn’t bring up the whole food thing. He is afraid that if you learned about it, it would be the last strike for you and his relationship. Perhaps it’s paranoia on his part but better safe than sorry.

In all honesty, he didn’t eat it that much anyway. Killing humans was something he did often in his youth as a demon. A stupid attempt at revenge on his part. It filled the holes in his hearts to hurt those he believed killed his sister.

But to eat their flesh? Disgusting. He tried it a few times and it turned his stomach with every mouthful. He just hated them too much to even stomach them. He’s mellowed out with time but still never got a taste for it.

When you asked it was a shock but welcomed in a way. Like he could finally get this weight off his shoulders every time he looked at you.

Mini Fic

“It’s gross.” Belphie yawns, jumping up to sit on the high garden wall. He bends down to help you up placing you gently next to himself. The wind catches you by surprise threatening to topple you back from the wall before he rights you. He tosses his sweater over you with a nod of satisfaction.

You snuggle into the fleece lining burying your nose into the fabric. It smelled of elderberries and honeysuckles. Belphie watches you curl up into his side with a fond smile. “Seriously, you all are nasty.”

“Ouch!” You push his shoulder with a grin. “I feel like I should be offended on behalf of all humans.”

Belphie snorts, looking up into the bright colors of the night sky. “Good. Be offended. You, humans, are slimy.” You squawk indignantly. “It’s true, never in all my years would I willingly ingest it.” He shudders theatrically.

“Rude.”

“Shouldn’t you be happy? Lest I eat you?” He growls playfully, taking a swipe at you. He pulls you close to kiss the pout off your face. He stops only when your face is hot and your smile threatens to pull a muscle. “I’ll keep you safe, always.” He vows resting his chin on your head.

“Do you think other demons would try to eat me?”

“Have you met my twin?” He teases. He takes your jab to his ribs with a smile. “But if one of those lesser demons even tries to breathe in your direction I’ll kill them.”

“Ok, Mister sleeps till dinner.” You joke. His vow warms your heart a little, chasing away the small bit of fear that had rested itself in your chest. You saw how some demons looked at you at R.A.D, the longing and hungry looks got to be a bit much sometimes. A few older demons would discuss it loudly when they knew you were close by. Apparently, it was a long standing tradition of demons eating humans both body and soul when a pact was concluded.

Imagine what those brothers would do to them…

You shake your head hugging Belphie closer. You had nothing but his word that he would keep you safe, yet that was enough for you. Besides, he wasn’t one to follow the rules even at the best of times.

“I’m serious. You're off limits for everyone.”

You nod into his shirt, closing your eyes to enjoy the peace of the moment. “I’ll hold you to it.”

Diavolo

It is so far from his mind that when you say something it is like a rug was taken out from under him. He could be diplomatic about it, but you deserve better than a half-truth.

He was a wild child in his youth. Sometimes he would overindulge in his father’s heritage and gorge himself on his newfound powers and privilege. He would dine with the elders and eat with abandon under their proud eyes.

He regrets it now, in your company it brings up a slurry of emotions. Sometimes when he looks at you he sees flashes of his past behavior.

The urge is stronger in him than the brothers, a constant nagging tug in his guts, but he is strong. Stronger both in willpower and sheer physical prowess than them so the pull is more of an annoyance than a burning need. He can temper the hunger in other ways if need be *wink*

He fears what you might think of him if you ever found out the truth, but however you take it he will handle it in stride. He loves you too much not to.

Mini Fic

Dinners, when Diavolo could eat alone, were a rare and special treat. The solace of just being allowed to exist without constantly checking his posture or presentation was a blessing, just him, his thoughts, and a good meal. It was nice to have no paperwork to worry about staining this time or a tedious meeting where he couldn’t savor his meal. No, no this was good. He looks down at his heavily laden plate and smiles. Well, almost… Pulling out his phone he snaps a quick picture and sends it to you with a simple question. Join me?

Private meals were wonderful, but with you, they were perfect.

You arrive faster than he expected, flushed face and clutching a stitch in your side from rushing over. He almost felt bad before he saw the eager look in your eyes. Barbatos helps you with your school bags and coat before placing another plate of food across from the young lord. He winks at the prince before disappearing back through the door.

“Thank you for the invite!” You beam taking your seat across from him. “I hope you don’t mind that I'm not dressed for the occasion. I was just wrapping up a study session with the boys.” You look down at your rumpled lounge clothes.

Diavolo waved his hand disregarding your concerns. “I would emulate you if I had the time.” He looks at his own pressed school uniform. He had another meeting this evening, much to his distaste. “You look rather comfortable.” You smile in delight before tucking into your own plate.

You eat in a comfortable silence reading the room well enough to tell that he wished for some company but not needless chitter-chatter. Barbatos arrived moments after you put your fork down and left with the plate leaving behind a delicious smelling hot drink. You couldn’t put your finger on the flavor but it tastes spicy like cinnamon and coats your throat like warm honey.

Whatever was in the drink seemed to work some magic on the prince. His shoulder droop, his back sinking into the chair as his legs stretch out till they are close to brushing against yours. He starts talking over the drink, eyes slowly lighting up with delight. You drink, nodding along with him as he builds up steam. It was nice to see him so unguarded and light. You listen to him talk about simple innocent topics. You knew how he tried to have these conversations with the others to no avail. The brother’s always tried to stay clear of him, and Lucifer simply dismissed these things most days. Barbatos and the angels were a bit better but still listened mostly to placate him.

“Ah!” Diavolo stops mid-sentence as his door opens once more Barbatos holding a small platter in his gloved hand. Dia claps his hands in delight. “I’ve been wanting to have you try this with me for forever. The human palate is so different, but I hope this is tasty.”

“What is it?” You eye the covered plate curiously.

Dia says a word in infernal. It is harsh and guttural in his throat but his delight was evident in his tone. “It is like...a roasted nut? Sorry, it is difficult to explain but it has been a favorite treat of mine since I was a boy. I hope you like it too.” He opens the lid with little ceremony and tilts the bowl to you. Inside were several golfball sized pods piled on top of each other. Even from across the table you could feel the molten heat radiating from the porous black shell. It looked...ugly. Like a hunk of dried lava. You eye it suspiciously as Diavolo picks one up with his bare hands and bits it. The shell cracks under his sharp teeth, a fang catching in a weak spot with a noise that makes you shiver. Underneath the thick casing, you could see a dark red and fleshy core. He hums in delight pulling put the meat of the seed and discard the shell pieces onto an empty plate. He makes quick work of the innards already reaching for another by the time you casually pick up a seed.

The seed itself was dense and warm to the touch. You squeeze it, noting that the porous coating felt like a mass of steel in your hand. “Dia-how do I open it?” No way you could bite it, not without breaking your jaw in the process.

“Allow me.” He takes it from you and effortlessly cracks it. “It is a tradition to break them with teeth, instead of hands or utensils. Something about a show of strength. I just find it fun.” He shrugs, handing you the broken seed.

“Fun!” You marvel at his pearly fangs. “Those are some big chompers.”

“All the better to eat you with my dear.” He chuckles.

You blink in shock, eyes widening. “Would you? Eat me?”

Diavolo’s smile drops. “No.” He lies on reflex, his political nature kicking in. “No-no wait.” He shakes his head. “I...at a time would have without hesitation.” He feels you recoil. “It was common practice back in the day. To the common demon it was a great meal and for the ruling class a show. He looks down at the broken fragments of shell on his plate. Breaking the shell was far too reminiscent of other things. He squashes the unwanted wave of memories coming up. Instead, he looks up at you.

You sit quietly mulling over his words. You haven’t run yet. “Why did you stop?”

He leans back with a loud exhale. Why did he stop? There were many reasons, none he wished to divulge into at the moment, but he had to say something. “I grew up, and began to resent and regret it.” He used to read human stories of demons and his kind. They hurt their characterizations of him and his people. Yet, they had all been scarily accurate. He wanted to prove that they weren’t stagnating beasts, slaves to their desires. Even if it wasn't a popular opinion.

“I see.” You pick up the seed again. “Thank you for telling me. You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to, and to apologize… such admissions must have ruined your appetite. If you wish to retire-”

“Is it weird if it didn’t?” You cut him off. You felt-not apathetic to the knowledge but close to it. It confirmed a lot of things for you and put certain things in perspective. You still felt safe with him even with this new bit of knowledge. Without a second thought, you pop the treat into your mouth. You gasp in delight. The flavor and texture were not what you were expecting, but was delicious all the same. “Can you open another for me?” You push your plate over to him.

“Of course!”

The food was as wonderful as his company.

Barbatos

You knew he cooked it. He probably knows a million different ways to prepare a human. He is also very blunt about his dabblings in the market.

He doesn’t eat it, hasn’t ever. He sees no reason to, especially since he doesn’t need to eat anyway there is no temptation. He did find the meals he created beautiful though.

Once he lived for the praises of the courts and his young lord. He was a master at all mediums he cared to work with. Time, decorum, or of the flesh.

He is 100% unashamed of his past with the dark side of the Devildom’s history. In fact, he is damn near proud of it. He is a demon and it was a part of his life, if that frightens you, well there is nothing he can do about it.

He’ll entertain your questions and will try to put any lingering worries at ease. Just don’t expect to be coddled when he does.

Mini Fic

Barbatos had very few personal pleasures in his life. His schedule simply didn’t have the space for such things. So why even bother looking for a pastime. It wasn’t until Diavolo gifted him with an old worn cookbook did he find it.

Cooking was a necessity for his prince, but with that little book, it became something he looked forward to doing. Slowly, he began to seek them out, filling his growing quarters with cookbooks and loose-leaf slips of paper. He enjoys reading them. Each book was a little time capsule into the cook's life and memories. Could a mix of spices really remind someone of the arid heat of their motherland? Or does following a certain way of aging meat really honor the writer's late grandfather’s memory? He tries them all, each recipe a little invasion to a happier time.

He wrote his fair share of cookbooks too in his day. Simple modifications to things the young lord liked to the odd machinations of his own imagination. He got good at experimenting with flavors and textures over the years, mastering certain cooking techniques and flavors just for fun. He didn’t share many of them, a lot of his recipes were just too complicated for most. Luke was allowed to look at his pastry books only. The little cherub was enamored with his techniques and wanted to learn as much as he could in the short amount of time he was in the Devildom. Admirable, but he made sure to keep some of his...less savory books away from the boy. He shudders to think what Simeon would do if he scarred the young angel.

You are the only one who has full access to his collections. Whether you liked to cook was inconsequential to him. He simply enjoyed sharing this interest with you. Some nights you would take it upon yourself to be his “sous-chef”. Which meant you sat in the corner of the kitchen and read out the ingredients and steps for a recipe he knew by heart. Sometimes you would add in extra steps in an attempt to stump it. Cute...but ultimately failed each time. So, most nights when you tagged along to the kitchens you just flip through his collection, reading his immaculate scribblings crammed into the corners of the pages or where he scratched out certain ingredients for more demon-appropriate foods and more sustainable options.

You had gone through many beautiful books before you found it. The cookbook was small and inconspicuous compared to most. Just a simple black cover with a well-worn spine. What made you take notice of it was just how dusty it was. That wasn’t like him to do. Barbatos would never let something get so dirty. You wished you never had opened it. You weren’t stupid by any means, but after reading a few pretty graphic recipes it had unsettled you. So you withdrew from Barbatos trying to forget about the book tucked away deep in the bowels of your school bag.

“You’ve been distant.” You choke, hand flying up to your chest as you swear your heart skipped a beat. Damn demon. Should put a bell on him. “What’s wrong?” His eyes are piercing, cutting away at your feeble defenses.

“Nothing…” You fiddle with your bag’s strap. Your eyes drop to the floor taking in the differences between his polished shoes and your scuffed boots.

“Of course not…” You could hear the skepticism in his voice. “I trust that if there was something wrong you would feel safe enough to confide in me.” His words hit like a ton of bricks on your shoulders. He sighs seeing that his words got no reaction. “Please?”

Wordlessly you rummage in your bag and thrust the book into his chest. “Sorry. It shook me up more than I thought it would.”

Ah. He knew this book all too well. For a time it had been his favorite, one to pull out with Diavolo had guests or a deal that needed to be sealed. He accepts the book, noting how much your hands shook. “I understand.” He slips the book into his breast pocket making a mental note to hide it in one of his lesser used rooms. “Would you like to discuss this? In my room perhaps?” You follow with a timid nod.

“Where shall we begin?” Barbatos asks the moment he closes the door to his room.

“You don’t seem perturbed.” You frown. Barbatos shrugs, pulling the book out and opening it. He had a lot of good memories stored here. Some of these were still considered signature dishes, oftentimes a visiting dignitary would lament to him about the good old days when he could show off his craft when flesh was plentiful. He takes pride in that still to this day even. For as much as he loved you, he would not be ashamed of this.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You shake your head when he says as much. “It just confused me. Do-do you see me as food?”

“I never saw humans as food, no more than I see demons or angels as it.” He picks at an imaginary bit of lent from his pant leg. “As for seeing you as food no. No matter how sweet your lips are, or how honeyed your words can be.” He smiles, taking impish delight in your squirming. “I merely did my job as a butler for my lord.”

“Oh- sorry for not coming to you sooner.” You felt foolish now. Barbatos waves it off, pleased to have this issue put aside so quickly and cleanly. “Wait-" You gasp as his words finally sink in. “Have you prepared angels before?”

He flashes you a mischievous smile putting a single finger up to his lips. “Perhaps~ do you wish to read that too?”

#obey me #om satan #om belphegor #om diavolo #om barbatos #fun request!

[heavenaintaniceplace]

so i found my mother’s copy of the jw (new world translation) bible and i decided to yoink that shit for disposal but not before i realized there is a lot of lines highlighted in the book from when she was being manipulated by the jw lady that convinced her to do “bible study” for years. and what do you know if the lines the lady had my mother highlight weren’t the same lines that jws use to justify their cult beliefs! all the lines are cherry picked, no actual study, just the lady manipulating and priming her to accept their beliefs by presenting so called “biblical proof.” so here is some of the things that stand out before i finally rip this thing to shreds and through it away.

literally the whole book replaces every instance of the tetagrammaton with “jehovah” because they want people to believe its been “removed from the bible thousands of times because they don’t want you to know the true name of god”. the whole thing is translated with an agenda to make them look right and everyone else wrong and to make people believe they have some secret hidden knowledge (they don’t they’re liars). putting this under a read more because its very long.

heavy TW for everything related ro religious trauma, the jehovah’s witnesses, bible passages and christianity. incredibly long post. i plan on burning the jehovah’s witness copy of the bible, no joke.

the imago dei part of genesis to try and convince her that humans were super special to god

genesis chapter 3, the serpent convincing eve to eat the fruit of knowledge so that she would accept their version of the original sin doctrine and that women are cursed

chapter where cain kills abel to convince her that this was the first murder in human history (obviously incorrect)

highlighted the part where god kills everything on earth with a flood to groom her into expecting god to do it again later and seen as fair and just and part where god “gives” noah every living creature (because fuck other organisms apparently)

part of leviticus where (in their version) theyre like “no soul must eat blood” (what the fuck) to justify not allowing life saving blood transfusions

deuteronomy part about “jehovah being one” to justify being non trinitarian (they don’t believe jesus is god or that the holy spirit is god, this is meant to lure people who are already christians away from their denoms and into theirs)

“thou shall not kill” is highlighted for some reason and i don’t know why

highlighted job 1:12 to emphasize that they believe satan is in control of the world because god allows it and job 26:7 that has a note saying “the earth hangs there” when talking about sheol to convince her of where earth is relative to “heaven” and using a bunch of “face of the waters” creationist language to make it vague as possible. job 27:5 to make her believe that “no one is righteous” and that saying so is sinful

part in psalms that assures that “wicked people will be no more if you just wait a little while longer” (this is the apocalypse imminent narrative they use to groom people with fear of dying or leaving but also to get them warmed up to the idea of mass death). “the righteous will inherit the earth and live forever” narrative so they believe that jws will live on earth forever after being resurrected while everyone else (whos not a jw) is killed by god

psalms 91 to drive home the fact that these people think theyre invincible in every meaning of the word, to natural disasters and disease etc

proverbs 6 part about “false witnesses”. jws believe that three jehovah’s witnesses have to be present to verify that a crime (like domestic or sexual abuse) actually happened or the governing body and elders don’t care. literally. the “false witness” narrative is used against survivors and people they want to silence in their organization and emphasizes how much jehovah hates “false witnesses” aka people brave enough to talk and victims

proverbs 12:18 about “wise and unwise tongues”, basically anyone that speaks out against the jws are “unwise” and harmful

proverbs 22 about raising children (”train up a child”, if you don’t know it already this is a child abuser dog whistle) that implies that indoctrination will last until adulthood if done right. this is especially bad because this copy is from the early 2000s when i was in kindergarten. this woman had been lurking on us since i was an infant.

proverbs 27 about how neighbors near is better than brothers far away. the implication here is that fundamentally family who aren’t jws don’t matter

ecclesiates 5. i genuinely think its warning people to not ask too much of god or risk his anger, thats the vibe im getting here because the wording is confusing as fuck

isiah 40:22 trying to hammer in the notion that god is greater than anything especially “worldly” governments (except the governing body ofc /s). isiah 43:10 the “you are my witnesses” to justify the name “jehovah’s witnesses” and shoehorn the idea in

daniel 2:40, the idea of an indescribable kingdom, the whole kingdoms in the “last days” conspiracy they use to convince people the “last days” are coming

matthew 4:8 where jesus is persuaded by satan by offering every kingdom on earth. the point in text is “don’t worship anyone except god” but the point of the jws is that nothing on earth actually matters

matthew 6:9 (nice), the our father, meant to make the reader to ask god to hasten the kingdom of god or as we ex-jws know hasten the apocalypse and the death of people they dont like

matthew 16:24, meant to convince people to leave everything behind and join the jws, “disown yourself” aka “die to yourself” toxic bullshit repackaged

matthew 19:9, to convince people that divorce even in instances of domestic abuse is wrong because the governing body won’t allow it and loves to control women

matthew 24:4-14, “anyone who doesnt speak for the jws is a false prophet” and warms people up to the notion that war is necessary; also that evidence of war is a sign of the “last days” and that this is supposed to be good news. ongoing war and the hope for global genocide is “good news” to them.

matthew 24:21. this one is meant to make people feel the apocalypse could happen at any time and to be afraid of it, a great war is coming and only the “chosen ones” (jehovah’s witnesses) will survive when everyone else dies. there’s a paper bookmark on this page. makes me wonder.

mark 8:34. the “die to yourself” bullshit, the idea that the cross was a “torture stake” because jws believe that wearing crosses is idolatry and they want other people to believe their quirky beliefs so they accept heavier things

matthew 10:28, “anyone who follows jehovah and jesus will literally live forever!” but also that “no one is prepared to leave their family for jesus and thats shameful because you should want to sacrifice your entire family!”

mark 11:24 “anything you pray for earnestly you get”. this is spiritual bypassing btw. and :25 “ask for forgiveness and be automatically forgiven no matter what you did” is also fucked

matthew 15-23: jesus (almost) gets wasted while being crucified etc, not sure why this one is highlighted unless im missing some jw bullshit here

luke 20:27. don’t understand this one but they’re threatening “heavier judgement” on people

john 5:28, promising resurrection through jesus after people die but only for the Good tm people (the jws)

john 6:15. how jesus is about to be arrested but goes to a mountain. dunno why this on is underlined

john 11:24. bringing home the same “jesus will save you from dying if youre a jw” bullshit. john 14:6 “jesus is the ONLY way ever! there can’t be anything else except jesus” indoctrination tailored to make you co-dependent. john 17:3, hook line and sinker of promising resurrection and “eternal life” again

john 17:15. here is the “we aren’t of the World tm” shit meant to make you feel outcast from everyone else who isnt a jw, setting up “the world” (everyone else) as other

acts 15:25. “follow the jw rules because the holy spirit you to”

romans 10:10, spread jw beliefs and witness as much as possible. romans 12:9 “hate everything jehovah hates so you’re not a hypocrite” basically means hate other people the jws don’t approve of

corinthians 6:9 (nice but not so nice this time) “anyone we don’t like won’t inherit the earth” translation: anyone we don’t like won’t survive the apocalypse thats definitely happening soon so always be afraid. “homosexuals” are changed to “men kept for unnatural purposes for this one.” still homophobic.

corinthians 7:6, the idea that everyone has a gift that needs to be exploited and used by the jws

corinthians 15:33. “don’t participate in any activities with any outsiders because it will lead you away from jehovah!! fun is ‘drunkenness’, you’ll loose your resurrection if you do!! non jw people are bad influences!!”

2 corinthians 7:1. your body and flesh is defiled, you need to be cleansed in order to be good

galatians 5:20. “having human emotions is sinful! struggling is sinful! being angry is sinful! having a bad day is sinful!” basically that being human is inherently wrong or something

ephesians  3:14. tries to make people believe everything is owed to god only and that obedience is good so they fall for cult power structures later. 4:28 here is just the top of the page being labeled “new personality” and thats all we need to know about indoctrination and cult personality vs actual personality. also “let not the sun set with you in a provoked state” being used against people still angry about being wronged and hurt by others and its been used against me a lot of times

ephesians 6:4. make sure the jw fathers provide the most discipline to children, literally uses the phrase “mental regulating of jehovah”. it couldn’t be more cult like at this point.

timothy 5:8 makes people believe that men alone are expected to provide and if they don’t they’re worse than “those without faith”. no pressure though!

timothy 6:19. wants people to neglect everything actually happening in favor of the “real life” (”eternal life”) instead and to constantly prepare for that instead of actually living life. dedicate your whole life to jw activities

titus 2. women need to be subjects to their husbands but also homemakers, live to glorify their husband, chaste and definitely not mentally ill or showing any symptoms. what the fuck is titus i never heard of this shit until today.

hebrews 1:7-14, trying to convince people that angels live to serve god but also has some superseccsionist/replacement theology (antisemitism) vibes going on

james 2:23, wants people to believe that god “putting people to the test” is actually a way to become “jehovah’s friend” and that being put to the test (read: suffering) is actually a good thing because it primes them to accept suffering as their fault later on. james 4:7 “everything evil will vanish if you rebuke it long enough!!”

peter 3:9 the “god’s timing is always right” gospel bs and encourages people not to do things themselves but to wait and also that jehovah will be on time when its time to start another global genocide. how encouraging! peter 3:13, the same “end of world near” scare tactic, “new heavens new earth” promise to eradicate everyone the jws dont like as that is jehvoah’s “promise” to the witnesses

1 john 3:8, their version of the original sin doctrine, the devil is the source of all evil scare tactic etc

short detour: every instance of “servant” is replaced with “slave” in this version. it makes me feel ill.

revelations 7:16, wants people to believe that god will take away all their pain and that they won’t need food or water to survive anymore (bullshit). also the jehovah’s witness 144,000 chosen people bullshit is here too but not highlighted

revelations 12:7-13, a depiction fo michael drop kicking satan and the implication that satan has always been in charge and not god because they want people to believe that. also that the devil will fall to earth and try to eat jws

revalations 14-4: virgins get dibs on heaven and god i guess. i dont know what the fuck is going on. 14:6 an angel yelling fear god from above, probably where the jws get most of their apocalyptic imagery from that they use to scare children into believing they could die at any minute

so now that we finally got to the end of that mess, their version of revalations ends with jesus saying “yes, i am coming quickly” and “may the undeserved kindness of jesus christ be with the holy ones.”

joking aside, everything highlighted in this copy of this book has been used against me and my mother for years and is a huge part of the reason i have religious trauma now. everything she was told or encouraged to highlight aided jehovah’s witness indoctrination and propaganda, her own indoctrination and eventually mine which apparently started even earlier than i thought.

#ex christian #haanp.txt #ex jehovah's witness #ex jw #exvangelical #religious trauma

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

#im so sad im so sad im so sad! #war and peace #great comet #natasha rostova #andrei bolkonksy #uhhh whats their ship name? #w&p playlists #my post #figured out how to do a read more bc this post is so LONG

[dokoni-mo]

Forgotten Coffee || Darth Vader x Reader

(A/N: yes hi so I wrote this for my good, good friend jojo @obiwankenobiness ,, she came up with this prompt and i ABSOLUTELY had to write it. This is one hell of a big ol fluffy fluff, so be warned! however, it might do you some good after chapter 5 of BaT :’))) speaking of which, I have tagged all my normal people for Bat/FaT,, i hope that’s okay!! one last thing - this is set after the events of RotJ and before the epilouge of FaT. I will link my masterlist below if you don’t know what im talking about/need a refresher!! I hope you all enjoy, ESPECIALLY you, Jojo. Thank you so much for being so kind, and thank you even more for being such a dear friend. ily and I hope this can make you happy, and I hope even more that it’s everything you ever wanted <3 )

Link to Masterlist : [x] 

WARNINGS: cursing, small amount of angst, TOOTH-ROTTING FLUFF, otherwise none!! 

Key: (F/N) = first name

Word Count: ~3500

~~~

Making a house on your new home planet was the easy part. Making it a home was the challenging part. 

It had been about half a year since the fall of the Empire. You and Vader had seemingly just gotten settled into this planet, learning about its climate, weather habits, vegetation and wildlife together along the way. It was quite the beautiful place, and the perfect place to hide. 

The planet was far, far away from any known systems, and much further away from any trace of the Empire. The two of you picked the planet for this specific reason; to be away from everyone. However, this hadn’t stopped you from telling his children where the planet was, pinging them a signal once you were able to construct a communication device strong enough. 

Was it sort of a risky move? Sure, it was. But you both agreed that his children deserved to know where the two of you were. 

Just in case they run into trouble and need our help, was how you justified it. 

Vader agreed with this, but disagreed at the same time. 

Yes, he did think it was a good idea for Luke and Leia to know where their father is, but also didn’t want anyone to know of the planet. Vader was unnerved, to say the absolute least, that somehow someone would find your new home and destroy it, and him alongside. Or, even worse…

Destroy you. 

He couldn’t bear the thought. 

Even just picturing you harmed in any way… 

It brought back old ghosts to Vader. Ones he didn’t wish to remember or visit him. 

All he simply wished to do was live out the rest of his days in peace, here on this nowhere planet with you. 

He, however, was finding this difficult to do. No matter how hard he tried, tried for you, his mind would slip back into a state of unbridled worry. 

That afternoon was one of those times. 

Constructing the house was proving to be much more difficult than you had originally thought. Coming from a village of people who made their own homes out of recycled materials, you had believed that constructing a house should be not much of a problem for you. Granted, laying out the foundations of said house really wasn’t. However, what went in the house was the challenging part. 

You knew that he needed certain things to keep him alive and comfortable (his meditation pod and bacta tank), but you never believed that constructing these things would be so challenging. Yes, you were trying to juggle this feat alongside the repairs to his suit, but his accommodations were the far more stubborn and frustrating of the two tasks. With  only having the rubble of a crashed Star Destroyer to work with, you had to bullshit your way around a lot of problems you occurred. You couldn’t, however, bullshit too much, because then you would start to jeopardize his health and comfort. 

Those were two things you were not willing to gamble with. 

With the setting sun creeping in through the windows of your house, you decided that enough was enough for one day. You had battled with the filter to his bacta tank for far too long, and your muscles and bones were complaining because of it. Hobbling your way into the half-furnished living room, you sat down upon the sofa with a long, deep sigh, relief washing over you as your legs got a much needed break.

A sheen of sweat on your forehead, you pulled off your fingerless gloves as quickly as possible, stretching and clamping them as you pulled your goggles off of your face, setting them beside you. With your hands now stretched, you focused on providing some relief to your legs, rubbing your hands up and down your thighs in an attempt to soothe your muscles. 

Vader must have sensed that you had completed your work for the day, since he was quick to come in from the garden to see you. Looking up at his large, tall, black frame coming through the doorway, you smiled up at him, your cheeks pink from both the sight of your lover just barely fitting through the doorframe and your raised body temperature from your work. Closing the door behind him, Vader’s gaze went to your face. 

“Are you finished for the evening, darling?” he asked you, the bass in his voice nearly making the windows shake. 

You nodded your head, making circles with your shoulders to stretch them out, “Yeah, I am. Do you want anything for dinner? I’m not really hungry but I’ll make you whatever you want.” 

“That is quite alright.” he said, “I do not seem to have much of an appetite tonight either.” 

You ceased to stretch your shoulders at your words, the smile on your face forming into a concerned look as you gazed upon your lover. 

This was the third meal in a row that he had refused. It wasn’t a matter of that he felt bad for you making him food, no. The two of you have had that discussion long ago. You were afraid this was a far more pressing matter, and you had a good idea of what it was. 

“Love,” you said, your voice lowered to match your concern, “You haven’t eaten since dinner last night… you have to keep up your strength.” 

He stared at you for a long moment before saying anything. 

“I am aware, darling.” 

“Then how about I make you some dinner, okay?” you asked, your tone still soft, “I’ll bring it to your pod like you like it.” 

“No. That is not necessary. I do not wish to consume anything at the moment. I thank you for offering, however, dear.” 

You let out a small sigh. You loved Vader with every atom in your body, but damn was he stubborn. 

“Vee.” you said, your tone now firm, “You’re making me worried.” 

He tilted his armored head to the side, the sound of his respirator in your ears, “How so?” 

“You haven’t been eating much recently, love.” you explained, “And I’ve been noticing how much time you spend outside… Is there something you need to tell me, dear?” 

He simply just stared at you again, taking in the sight of your worried face. 

You didn’t deserve to feel such a way. You didn’t need the added stress of worrying about him. 

He decided it would be best to tell you what was happening. 

He hung his head slightly, “I… I have been troubled, darling.” 

“Troubled?” you asked. 

“Yes.” 

You eyed him for a moment. 

That was all he needed to tell you. 

“Vee, listen to me, okay?” you said, “No one is going to find us here. The only two people in the entire galaxy that know where we are is Luke and Leia, and there’s no way in hell that they would rat us out. There is literally no reason why the Empire or anyone would come here looking for us. This planet is in the middle of nowhere. We will be okay, dear. I promise.” 

He picked up his head to look at you again, making you offer him a small, warm smile in return. 

You were so breathtakingly gorgeous to him. 

Both inside and out. 

He wanted to believe you. He really did. 

And he did trust you. More than anyone he ever had, in fact. 

But, still.. 

This feeling inside him, the fear he felt…

He couldn’t shake it. No matter how hard he tried. 

Your words did soothe his nerves a certain amount, but still…

This issue would need time.

You both knew this, unconsciously. 

He only could pray that you would accept this and stop your worrying. 

He didn’t want you to stress. 

He loved you far too much for that. 

Walking his heavy, large boots over to you, he reached down to your face, giving your cheek a gentle brush with the back of his knuckles. 

Your cheeks stained pink again as he spoke, “I appreciate your concern, dear. I believe I will retire for the night.” 

Your lips parting, you weren’t expecting him to just go to bed so early and leave it at that. You wanted to protest, to get him to talk about it more, but you knew better than to press the subject. 

It took you this long for him to open up to you even a little bit. You didn’t want all your work together to go to waste. 

No. Instead, you gave him a little smile and a nod, “Okay, dear. Goodnight, I love you.” 

“I love you too, (F/N).” 

With that, he left the living room to your shared bedroom, the weight of his steps making the wooden floorboards beneath him creak and moan. You followed him with your gaze as you watched him leave, noticing how his cape fluttered in the wind behind him. 

His cape…

It was quite old now, worn even. The end of it was in tatters, and significantly lighter in hue than the rest of the material. 

It looked… sad. 

Just like he had been, before you and him came to be a thing. 

Your lips parting again, an idea shot through your mind as you processed the sight of his cape. 

An idea to you, but he would call it more of a scheme. 

A determined smile came upon your face. 

You set yourself up for a long, long night, but you didn’t care.

You would do anything, stay up countless nights, if it meant he was at peace and happy. 

Once he disappeared into your shared bedroom, you made for your fabric cabinet, setting your scheme into motion. 

~~~\

The night had been a long one, that was nothing but a fact. 

You had brewed seemingly endless amounts of caf to keep you awake, and your tongue was quite sick of the taste by the time morning had came. You didn’t even realize how long you had worked until you heard the birds chirping outside your window. Looking up from your completed project strewn across your dining table, your felt the bags underneath your eyes as you saw the sunlight creep inside your home as a welcome intruder. 

Shit. It was almost time to wake him up. 

Rising from your chair, you stretched and yawned as you made your way into the kitchen, stopping in front of the counter and pouring yourself another cup of caf. Bringing the mug to the table, you placed the cup upon it's surface before padding your feet across the hallway to your bedroom. Creaking the door open, you slowly tip-toed your way to his meditation pod, pressing your ear against the cool surface of the metal. Gently, you knocked on the metal, your voice matching as you spoke. 

“Vee.” you said, your voice quiet from how tired you were, “It’s time to wake up.” 

After a brief pause of silence, you heard the whirr of the pod placing his helmet and mask upon his head. Stepping back, you watched as the pod hissed open, another yawn escaping your lips. Stepping forward again, you reached into the metal container to your love, helping him out of it as you spoke again. 

“Morning Vee.” you said as his boots made contact with the floor. 

“Good Morning, darling.” he rumbled out, his voice deeper as it shaked off his slumber. 

Smiling tiredly up to him, you asked him your usual morning question, “What do you want for breakfast?” 

Looking down at you, Vader instantly noticed the dark circles under your eyes. A pang of concern shooting through him, he cupped your face in his large, gloved hands. 

“Darling.” he said, “Are you alright?” 

“Of course I am.” you said, “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“You look as if you did not get any rest last night. Did something keep you awake?” 

You blinked at him slowly in confusion at first, your tired mind making you slow to process. Blinking again as you remembered what had kept you awake, a small smile painted your lips. 

“Yeah.” you said, “Something did.” 

He was definitely worried now, “What was it?” 

“A surprise!” 

He tilted his head at this. He certainly was not expecting that. 

“A surprise?” 

“Yeah!” you exclaimed, taking one of his hands into your own, “Come see!” 

Pulling him out of the bedroom and over to the kitchen, you stopped him once he was in front of the dining table. Taking a few steps in front of him, you picked up his surprise from the table’s surface, holding it in your tired, groggy grasp as you presented it up to him with a dopey smile on your face. 

He was shocked, but in quite a good way. 

A cape?

“I made you a new cape!” you said proudly, showing him the front and back of the cloth. 

The new cape was a medium-toned blue, large enough to fit across his broad shoulders, and long enough to just barely miss the ground as he stood. At the bottom of the cape was a thick strip of golden cloth, an intricate pattern woven into it, and the stitching was noticeably hand-done. 

It was...

Perfect. 

You smiled down at the fabric as you spoke, “I just thought that giving you a little change would do you some good. I know we just got your new hands to work, and we finally got some privacy here on this planet, so I thought I would also make this as a little celebration gift.” 

You turned your gaze to him as you continued, a smile still on your tired face, “Also, your old one was really raggedy, so I made you this new one. You can tell me if you don’t like it, though. I won’t be offended. I know it’s kinda out of your style…” 

Vader was speechless. 

Vader was hardly ever speechless, but he simply could not comprehend the sight before him. 

This girl, who he loved oh, so dearly with every fiber, every ounce of his being…

Made something so beautiful, so perfect…

For him. 

She stayed up all hours of the night, slaving away at this cape…

For him. 

How.

How did he get so damn lucky? 

How did he deserve any of this? 

This house? This cape? 

You? 

After everything he had done? 

He was sure right then that he was the luckiest man in the galaxy. 

Realizing that he still hadn’t said anything, Vader responded to you. 

“My dear,” he said, his head tilted to the side, “I shall adorn anything you make with pride.” 

Another dopey smile coming onto your exhausted face, a yawn came out of your throat, “Really? You like it?” 

“Yes.” 

You let out a tiny squeal of happiness, “I’m so glad! I’ll iron it after breakfast and help you put it on.” 

Vader watched as you folded up his new cape and set it on the table, right next to the cup of caf you poured earlier. Picking up his gaze, he watched your much smaller frame begin to pad your feet into the kitchen.

“Speaking of breakfast,” you said over your shoulder, opening the cabinets to see what kinds of ingredients you had available, “What would you like?” 

Vader said nothing, not moving one muscle as he stared at you. 

He was… in awe. 

How did you do it? He could visibly see the lack of sleep you had gotten, yet you still pressed on. You asked him what he wished to consume without a second thought, ignoring the fact that you were dead tired. 

You were so beautiful. So strong. 

He couldn’t fathom how he deserved you. How you stayed so strong despite how life had been so cruel to you. 

He couldn’t begin to fathom how the universe could make such a perfect human being. 

You…

You were the only one in so, so long that saw Vader not as a machine nor a weapon…

But a person. A living, breathing, person. 

You did everything for him. You made him happy, you calmed his nerves, you soothed his anger, you listened to his rambles, you made him a house, you helped him to escape the clutches of the Empire....

You saved his life. 

…

He loved you. 

He loved you so, so much. 

He would never be able to find the words to tell you just how much he did. 

“Vee.” he heard you say, snapping him out of his awe-struck state, “You’re staring again. Did you hear me? What would you like for breakfast? I’ll make you anything you want.” 

He didn’t want anything to consume that morning. 

Nothing at all. 

He only wanted you. To be close to you, to hold you tight and never let you go. 

And he planned to do as such. 

Stepping forward across the expanse of food flooring that separated the two of you, Vader watched as a confused expression glinted across your face. You asked him what he was doing, but he gave you no response. Instead, he leaned down closer to your height, wrapping his big, strong arms around your waist. Making sure that you were secure in his grasp, he hoisted you up, slinging you over one of his strong shoulders. 

A deep pink blush spread over your cheeks, “V-Vee, what-” 

Ignoring your confusion once more, Vader carried you back into your shared bedroom, making sure that you were comfortable yet secure in his grasp. Pushing open the door to the bedroom with his boot, Vader carried you over to the bed in the center of the room, making the blush on your cheeks deepen in hue. 

Expecting to get thrown onto the bed’s surface, you were surprised when your love sat upon the bed, his weight making the wood and mattress below groan. Soon after sitting down, Vader moved you so that you were seated in his broad lap, your legs straddling his strong, large waist. Snaking up his arms under your own, Vader pulled you close to his huge chest, getting you as close to him as possible.

Your tired brain making you slower to process what was happening, Vader took it upon himself to help you along, resting his armored chin on your small shoulder. 

“Hold me, darling.” he said, his deep voice much softer than normal. 

Feeling your heart swell in your chest, you slowly wrapped your arms around his armored neck, nuzzling your face into his shoulder armor as you held him tightly. 

Vader was much much larger than you, but it made him all the better to cuddle with. His lap was surprisingly soft, despite how muscular he was beneath all the leather, and his grasp around you was so, so soothing. Closing your eyes peacefully, you breathed in his scent as he rubbed one of his hands up and down your back. His gloved hand was quite large, and nearly engulfed your entire lower back. 

He was so gentle with you. It soothed you to no end.

You felt yourself start to drift off to sleep, feeling so safe and secure in his arms. Before you could, however, you heard his deep voice speak to you. Since you were pressed to close to his chest, you could feel the rumble of his voice’s bass from within. 

“I love you endlessly, darling.” he said, his voice still much softer than normal, “Are you aware of this?” 

You were far too tried for words, so you simply nodded your head against his shoulder is response. 

Vader let out a satisfied rumble. He could feel every single one of his nerves and fears melt away as he held you, soothing him to no end. Picking up his head from your shoulder, he pressed the triangle mouthpiece of his mask into your hair, making a small smile appear on your lips. 

His version of a kiss, you took it. 

He rubbed your back with his hand once more, speaking to you again, “Rest easy, darling. I shall continue to hold you until you awaken. Forget about your tasks and rest with me for the day. I shall keep you warm and protect you from all harm, for the rest of time. I love you, (F/N), my darling. You have made my life complete. I wish for nothing more than to be beside you for the rest of my days. You are my entire life, (F/N), my everything. I love you so, so much.” 

A small smile still on your face, you held onto your love tight as you felt yourself drift off into sleep. As he promised, Vader held onto you for as long as you slept, nothing but thoughts of you in his mind. 

It was a beautiful sight, but one that no other man should ever see. A reformed sith lord, holding onto the love of his life on the planet they had escaped to, in the house that she had built, far, far away from any prying eyes, from any harm. 

Your forgotten cup of caf upon the table filled the air with it's scent. 

That day, this house was no longer just a house. 

But a home. 

~~~

TAGS: @spaghetti-666 , @soullesstaco , @arsonistvoyager , @robin-obsessed , @glitter-rian , @captainrexstan , @easterncryptid , @deviatedwinter , @roseangel013bf , @danicalifxrnia , @dartheldur , @finest-trashbag , @yeah-boiiiiiiiiiii , @elongatedmusk-rat , @shads121 , @muffinbeliever  , @sakuramadae​ , @padme-parker​ , @khapikat222 , @the-official-memester​ , @rens-angel​ , @yvette1703 , @missmannequin​ , @breakfastpizzagalaxy​ , @scarletsinsandsnowwithetragedies​ , @clearnostolgia , @ahs0ka-skywalker​ , @teddyteddy​

#darth vader #darth vader x reader #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker #anakin x you #fanfiction #fanfic #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars fanfiction #star wars fanfic #usernobie

[sugarkinky]

Gamers gotta game

Pairing: Gamer!jungkook x Nerd!Reader x Fuckboy!Jimin Genre: Future smut, fluff and angst (the holy package). Warnings: None in this part, actually.

A/N: This is my very first fic posted on here, please give me any kind of feedback you feel I might need. Not edited v. 

1 | 2

*gif not mine*

PART 1

▪♡▪

7:34 am

You was almost late when you jumped out of bed and made it to the bathroom, your first class starts at 8:15 and you still had to walk for 20 minutes to get there. This left you with an empty stomach and a lack of caffeine for the rest of the morning, the class itself wasn't bad but you couldn't pay much attention to Mr. Patrick talking about some impossible function. After what felt like days, you were finally lunching with your friends on the cafeteria.

"Y/N, how could you forget my skirt?" Kenny said with her puppy eyes. You promised her you would borrow her some clothes that your mom insisted on buying for the sake of you "going out more".

"Sorry K, can't you pick it up tomorrow?" Your month were already full of sandwich.

"I guess it will do... Are you sure you won't come tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm not the frat party type, you know it" And specifically not this one, the Beta Tau Sigma were a fucking no-no for you after your first party with them on freshmen year. This guys are just crazy and loud as fuck.

Since it was a Friday, you made plans to watch some documentaries and order pizza with some wine. It was just perfect. 

Well, almost perfect if it wasn’t for the hungover from the cheap wine the day after. This was a typical Saturday afternoon, Kenny knocked at your door to hang out with you and you guys chatted about school stuff and about her crush that is supposed to be at the party. 

“What if he is already with other random girl and I don’t even know?” You stared at Kenny’s eyes with a scowl in your face. 

“What makes you think like that?”

“I don’t know, Jin is a very popular guy and older than us, from what I know he has no reason to tell me the truth.”

“So he has no reason to lie to you as well, dummy.”

And the afternoon passed like that, Kenny was already at the door when you shout to her:

“Get home safe bitch!“

“And you stay safe in yours sweetheart!“

▪♡▪

(1:23)Kbae: bich, wasuuuuupp

The sudden noise scared you but you got up from the couch to go catch your phone in the kitchen table. 

(1:24)You: Are you ok?

Kbae: I thik I lost m cell 

You: No, you didn’t

It was a little late for you to deal with drunk Kenny but a side of you were worried that she wasn’t home yet.

You: Where are you?

Kbae: Im los at the bathroom 

You: Your bathroom?

Kbae: nooo im PRTYING LOL

Ok, now you are officially worried she’s going to get her head in the toilet at any moment.

You: Is anyone with you??

Kbae: no that bitc left m

So you remembered that Lisa, Kenny’s friend was there. You try to reach her with no success. You can’t believe she’s getting you out of the comfort of your couch because of her low alcohol tolerance, that dumb bitch…

You: Don’t move a single bone, I’m coming and you will pay me for this later.

The uber was almost there when you received the reply.

(1:50)Kbae: bt I hve no mony

The BTS house wasn´t that far from your place, but it was enough time for you to start regretting your decision. The single thought of a place full of people and loud noise was making you really anxious. When the Uber arrived you took at least 5 minutes getting out of the car, you knew something bad was going to happen with the bad luck you had.

The entrance had just two guys that, from what you guess, should be the security or something like that. You go straight to the door but you fail on not getting attention from the two.

“Hey, do we know you?” The blond guy ask you just when you were getting in.

“Probably not, I’m not the party type. Just here to pick up my friend.”

The blond guy look to the other that seem a little waisted.

“Yeah? What’s her name?” The waisted one shout at you.

“Kenny.”

They look at each other with a little surprise and the blond one say:

“The last time I saw her she was upstairs, are you sure she asked you here?”

“Hyung, let her in, I know her.” The voice comes from inside and you recognize it from your Contemporary Literature class, It’s Namjoon. You never thought he was into frat parties…

“Hi Y/N, I’m sorry for Yoongi and Hoseok here. They are just making sure you aren’t someone from a rival frat or something.” I laugh at the thought of it.

“It’s okay, have you seen Kenny?” You say as a proof of what he’s saying, Namjoon and Kenny are in the same major and maybe he would know where her dumb ass is.

“Not really”

When you get upstairs looking for her you see something you were afraid of seeing, but you know it was inevitable since it was a BTS party. Your ex, well not really an ex since you never had an actual relationship – what actually made the things worse. Jimin was a typical fuckboy but a smartass one for your bad luck, he was almost better than you in your classes and sweet with you. You didn’t know his fame back then and that led into you falling for someone who just saw you as a fuckbuddy. Since you never told him your real feelings, he never knew the reason for your sudden distance, he probably thought you got tired of him and with time he didn’t reach you anymore. And for it not being awkward, you made sure you didn’t took any classes with him this semester.

There you were standing in front of him kissing someone against the wall, you were just frozen in place when you remembered why you was there: Kenny. You almost run to a corridor that had a door with “WC” wrote on it.

But Kenny wasn’t there, actually there was another couple making out, which made you blush and say a lot of apologies after you saw the face of the guy: Jin. You closed the door and rested at a nearest wall, this night is getting worse and worse.

Ok, just breathe. If she’s not there, where?

You started calling her but she stopped answering you since you got there. You tried Lisa but with no success. So you decided to look downstairs but just when you’re reaching the stairs you collided with someone and thanks to your bad luck it was Jimin, of course.

“Y/N?”

“Hum… Hi.”  

“What are you doing here?”

“Kenny.”

“Oh, she made you come.”

“Yeah, you can say that.”

“Well, do you want some vodka? I know you’re not a big fan of beer.”

“Actually someone is waiting for me, sorry have to go” And you run to the closest door praying for it to be open and for the first time that night things worked out and you got no problem getting in. There was a guy in a computer in the room it took him just a few seconds to notice you.

“Hey! Don’t you know how to read? There is a sign at door saying DO NOT ENTER THIS ROOM you…” and the man sited before you turned his chair to see you.

“I’m sorry, can I hide here for a little?” He was shocked to see that you weren’t, first thing, trying to find a spot to make out – since you were alone – and second, drunk.

With a sad smile he said “Some weirdo is following you?”

I felt bad for lying but it was almost it wasn’t it?

“Yeah…”

“No problem, you can lay on the bed for a while.”

The room was not that big but it had two single beds and a study space with the most expensive-looking computer you’ve ever seen. When you sat on the bed, the guy returned to do something on the pc and put his headphones on again. When you got to see what he was doing you notice he was playing some game, who plays games on a party? Weird. Not that you were in a less awkward position.

“HYUNG, can’t you see the MAP?”

You were startled with the sudden shout and nearly jumped on the bed, then he turned to you and said:

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You just nodded and he returned to talk with someone on the game. So you remembered about the Kenny matter, where did this bitch went? You got your phone and text her like crazy, called Lisa and finally you got an idea: her roommate. You call Jisoo and she picks up rather quickly.

“Hello?” Her voice seemed a little sleepy, you must had woke her up.

“Hi, it’s Y/N. I’m sorry for waking you up but I’m trying to find Kenny. Did she go home?”

“Oh, yeah. She arrived here about 20 minutes ago, super wasted and crying. Did something happen?”

Oh, no. Seokjin.

“I don’t really know, but thanks for answering me this late.”

“It’s nothing, any time.”

“Well, good night.”

“Good night.”

Finally, the nightmare is over. Well not really over, you have to get out of this hell before that. So, you get up and go to the door, not really wanting to bother the man on his game. But he heard your steps and turned to you.

“Are you going?”

“Yeah, I’ll try to get home.” And you go back to your way.

“Wait.”

You look at him and he seems a little self-conscious with what he has to say.

“I can take you to the door so you won’t get into trouble with the guy again.” He says that with a hand on the back of his neck. You feel bad for telling him a lie and make him worry about you, he seems nice.

“Ahm, I don’t think its that of a big deal. I don’t want to bother you any more that I already had.”

“It’s no trouble at all, actually I had delivered food and it should be in the way right now.”

“Okay then.” And you two go downstairs to reach the door as you’re praying you won’t see Jimin in the way there. When you got in the balcony you called an Uber and a strange silence got to the both of you.

“Ah.. I didn’t actually got your name.”

“It’s Jungkook, and yours?”

“I’m Y/N, thanks for letting me hide on your room.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

And the silence came again…

“Ahm… Is it your first party here? I don’t remember you from before.”

“Well, I’m not much of a party goer kind of girl.” He laugh at that and your face turned into a frown.

“I’m not laughing at you, I don’t like parties that much too as you could see.” You smile at that, yeah playing games wasn’t much of a party activity.

“Why do you live on a frat then?”

“That’s what I ask myself every day.”

That’s when your car arrived and both of you said your goodbyes.

(3:36) Jimin: Hey, missed seeing you.

 A/N: Thanks for reading, I’ll try to do part two if this one succeed. Send me a message I’d love that.  

#jeongguk #jeon jungkook #bts #bts jeon jungkook #bts fluff #fluff #bts angst #bts jimin #jimin #park jimin #bts fanfction #fanfic #jungkook scenarios #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jimin fluff #jimin smut #jimin x reader #jungkook imagine #bts imagines #bts park jimin #jungguk x reader #bts jungguk #jeon jungguk #gamer!jungkook #fuckboy!jimin

[chans-baby-girl]

Getting to know me tag!

Thanks for tagging me @xpeachesncream @bangchan-fairy

Now it’s your turn!

@luminois @dilutedpondwater @crispy-chan

(You totally don’t have to at all! If you don’t wanna be tagged I would be more than willing to remove you!)

1. When is your birthday?

February 8th!

2. What is your favorite color?

Purple and blue

3. What is your lucky number?

8!

4. How tall are you?

5’6

5. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I think it’s safe to say like four!

6. Favorite song?

Honestly don’t have one atm I’ve been listening to a lot of different songs and it’s messing with my choices

7. Favorite movie?

Doctor Sleep!

8. What would be your ideal partner?

To be perfectly honest someone who can be my best friend and we have those relationships where we skipped the awkward stage and we started farting and burping and crying around each other when we first started being together! We have fun every days a new adventure we watch anime together, they indulge me in watching k pop stuff where We can talk about anything and everything we watch vines and memes and I can take them to my family and they’ll play with my baby cousins and to me that’s ideal. I’ve always wanted to someone who can just be fun and genuine with me and someone who won’t judge me for my weirdness but joins in.

9. Do you want children?

Yes I do I’ve always been that child who carried around babies in a cart and I do a lot of babysitting and I picture myself being a bad ass mother one of these days… who knows?

10. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Nope I drove without a license when I was fifteen for the longest though and never got caught 😎…. Don’t do that tho that’s very bad!

11. What color socks are you wearing?

Bold of you to assume I wear socks to bed 😩 jk they are white with a black heel

12. Bath or shower?

Realistically I usually only take showers but if I had the time I would take a lot of baths

13. Favorite kind of music?

Alt., Rap, Rock, Kpop, Cumbias and Corridos (😩😩😩 for blasting in the car🤪🎉 ) but other than that I like practically anything

14. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One but sometimes I’ll grab another to put in between my thiqq thighs 😩 cuz it gets uncomfortable and I like having my leg elevated

15. What position to you sleep in?

On one of my sides with one leg tucked practically into my chest lol

16. What don’t you like while sleeping?

When someone takes my blanket cuz tbh I love being like a smoll bean and I’ll borrow myself into my blanket like a rabbit so if so much as my head meets the surface i get pissed like don’t touch my blanket bitch Im hibernating😩 OHHHH or when I’m sleeping and you shake me awake like EXCUSE YOU when you’re driving ima shake yo ass too 😭 I swear I got so grumpy when I’m sleepy

17. What do you usually eat for breakfast?

Chorizo or huevos con weenies y frijoles (Eggs with weenies and beans)

18. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes I have! I used to be on my schools team i was pretty good but it’s been years

19. What are your favorite fruits?

Watermelon, cherries, and pomegranate seeds😩🥴🤤

20. Favorite swear word?

Fuck or bitch

21. Do you have any scars?

Yes a lot unfortunately a few on my legs cuz I would fall off my bike a lot and more than I can count on both of my forearms but rest assured I’m better now :) ….didn’t mean to make that dark

22. Are you a good liar?

Yes but I don’t need to like lying at all but if I had to then I am good at it

23. What is your personality type?

I took the quiz thing a few times and I either got ENFP and the other times I got INFP so I guess I’m both intro and extroverted! I am the definitely the therapist friend! But I love making new friends and the only downside I have is that I have bad social anxiety so I don’t have great social skills. But when I do make friends I get excited too fast or I like skip small talk and start getting close and personal and everyone I met finds me to be too much and overbearing because I’ll rant for hours about things I love and people cut me off cuz my eyes get big and I talk louder and I start talking fast and it throws people off? But I’m fun I have a range of interests I’m family oriented. I love kids and have an ambition for teaching! I am a big risk taker and throw any rollercoaster my way and I’ll do it:)

24. What is your favorite type of girl?

A genuine girl and that doesn’t necessarily mean like pure and sweet but I mean they can have their spunk and attitude and their own shit going on but I mean the intention like if you intend to be genuinely real with me and not bullshit with me or waste my time then I’m game to be in a good friendship with you! And someone that has my back and someone I can have a laugh with because humor is one of my biggest turn ons in any friendship or relationship it sparks a connection for me!

25. Left or right handed?

Right handed!

26. Favorite food?

Enchiladas :)

27. Are you clean or messy

Clean!

28. Favorite foreign food?

Japanese food for sure!

29. How long does it take you to get ready?

On a simple day 10 minutes but when I have plans then like 45 minutes

30. Most used phrase?

I have a few that I say daily:

“What in the frick frack?”

“No you dumb bitch”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve seen everything, satan I’m coming down!”

And

“Really your mother pushed you out of her vagina just for you to do this shit?”

31. Are you a good singer?

Not to be narcissistic but I think I’m a really good singer!

32. Do I sing to myself?

Yea sometimes

33. Biggest fear?

That there is no afterlife cuz I’m not afraid to die I’m just afraid that ima die and all the things I’ve heard are lies and I’ll really never see my relatives that passed again.

34. Do you like long or short hair?

Long I love growing out my hair

35. Are you into gossip?

No I don’t care for drama at all. But if someone wants to vent to me then I’ll let them but I’m just not going to put my opinion out there cuz it’s not my place

36. Introvert or Extrovert?

Both it depends on the atmosphere

37. Favorite school subject?

Science

38. What makes you nervous?

People and crowded spaces

39. Who was your first real crush?

My boyfriend lmao deadass I met him in highschool

40. How many piercings do you have?

Currently three: two on my lobes and a nose piercing! But I’m planning on getting a belly button piercing, another nose piercing on the right side (cuz I already have one on the left) two helix piercings, an eyebrow piercing, and two more lobe piercings (one on each ear) all in due time of course!

41. How fast can you run?

Uhhh last time I checked my mile time was 9:54 seconds so like ten minutes per mile!

42. What makes you angry?

Racists, homophobes, r*pists, bullies… basically people who don’t have respect for others and things they can’t change. Ohhh narcissists I hate people that thrive on thinking their better than anyone I love knocking them down a peg! But other than that I don’t tend to get mad often!

43. Do you like your own name?

Yes I do but I recently started going by my middle name Dayzee! The reason behind it is honestly because why have a middle name of you don’t use it? Like why is it just sitting there lmao!

44. What are your weaknesses?

I have horrible social anxiety!

45. What are your strengths?

Honestly I think my strengths are that I’m a loyal friend! I’m also very caring and compassionate and I’m always supportive! What I’m saying is PLEASE BE MY FRIEND I NEED FRIENDS LOL 🤪

46. What color is your bedspread?

Navy blue

47. What color is your room?

Beige but I put led lights so it looks cool!

Thank you for tagging me this was honestly so fun!

#tag game #this was a ride #this was fun #plz be my friend #thanks #thanks for the tag! #moots⭐️ #precious moots

[80s-roger]

Not On My Watch (pt 8:finale)

Pairing: Dad!Roger x Mum!Reader

summary: you’re divorced with queen’s roger taylor due to constant cheating and irrational behaviour towards you. but u have one person in common: your daughter, Laura aka your favourite human on earth. Your marriage with Roger had its ups and downs but Laura was the happiness in it. Now that she’s 8 and starts to realise how your terms with roger are, you finally tell her that you’re seeing another man except her father and she took it really warmly. She seemed excited to meet the new man unlikely your ex husband who accidentally learns about it by Laura, the weekend you would leave her at his place: on weekends you had some cute getaways with R/N because the court decided that Laura could stay or visit her dad on weekends and stay with him for five days each Christmas and easter vacations. Roger now, fights to get Laura and you back. R/N isn't as it seems and Roger helps you to keep him away from you.

catch up: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

masterlist //dialogue prompts

taglist: @madeinheavxn @namelesslosers @stacymaytaylor @drwse @cherries-n-rocknroll

words: 3.505

warnings: FLUFF IM GONNA CRY

You were on your car, following Roger for about a quarter until the paps lost you. It was a crazy moment you don't want to relive again. As you parked outside the pub, he opened the door for you to walk in. Always a gentleman. You noticed his bandmates' figures from a corner and walked closer with Roger behind you.

"Oh hello Y/n!" Brian greeted you and made some space for you to sit.

"Hi Brian, Fred, John." You smiled at them and waited for Roger to bring an extra chair to sit next to you.

"We didn't expect you here, how are you, darling?" Freddie asked.

"I'm a little upset." You were straightforward, Roger was aware and he placed his hand on your thigh, trying to calm you down. Brian noticed his move and understood something was wrong.

"You want to talk about it?" Brian asked.

"The man she was seeing appeared at her work and embarrassed her to death. I was there at half of the scene and intervened." Roger started.

"Oh, fuck." Freddie gasped.

"I'm afraid he saw us last night." You turned to Roger, referring to him fucking you at his cabinet.

"Yeah, you're right. Well, at least he's staying at the police's cell tonight. He was acting irrationally in public. He caused trouble." Roger spoke to his bandmates too.

The waiter came to your place, took yours and Roger's order and left. "Y/n, where did you find this man? He's such a troublemaker!" Freddie said.

"It doesn't matter where I met him, he just won't accept the fact I want to get back with Rog." You admitted and felt your heart beating fast. Roger wrapped his arm around you, feeling extremely happy of your declaration.

"So, you also want to get back with him?" Freddie asked surprised.

"I'd give it one more chance..." you sighed and stared at Roger, wishing he'd be different this time.

"Wow, that's big news!" Freddie said.

"What are you going to do with R/N? He won't give up this easy." Roger asked.

"I have no idea. I'll come up with something." You sighed.

The beers arrived and so on, you spent these couple of hours with the Queen members, drinking and having fun. They always liked your company but most of them, Roger. He enjoyed watching you having fun with his bandmates. He liked seeing you laughing and joking around. Later, you drove off to your own apartment, knowing it's safe to walk in to get more clothes and personal stuff including your daughter's. You were about to move out soon and didn't want to tire Laura anymore with all these movings and rides. You had to talk with your landlord about moving out so you didn't waste time.

Time passed fast and you drove at Roger's place again, with your suitcase hanging on your hand. He saw you coming closer to his door and there he was, standing happy at your presence.

"Hi." He smiled and leaned in to kiss your lips. "Come on in." He made way for you to walk in and suddenly Laura's cheering voice echoed to your ears.

"Mummy!" She cajoled.

"Hello, my little baby!" You knelt down to kiss her. "How was your day? I missed you!"

"I got an A in maths!" She jumped showing her excitement.

"Wow, that's amazing sweetheart! Well done!" You praised your blonde little girl and kissed her again.

"Women of my life," Roger started and Laura and you turned your gazes to him. "I have an announcement to make," he cleared his throat trying to make it funny for Laura.

"What is it, dad?" She asked.

"Tonight we are going out, the three of us. Diner at nine, how's it?" He asked waiting to hear your affirm.

"That's great!" You said with a huge smile on your face.

"Wow, dad! Yes! I'm so happy! I'm just gonna rush to my room and finish my homework!" She was as excited as you and maybe a little more because she barely remembers Roger and you being lovebirds.

"Don't rush it, love, your answers might be wrong! I'll come and check you!" He joked and laughed. He then came closer to you. "You brought a suitcase?" He asked as he checked it.

"Yes, I talked with the landlord, he has no issue with me moving out. I can leave at any moment. Are you surely okay about it?" You asked him trying to hide any possible doubts turning around your heads.

"I'm more than sure about it. To get things straight, I was never okay with the divorce-" he started.

"Me neither, it was your behaviour towards me." You stopped him.

"Let me finish." He gestured his hands on you and let him speak. "I know, I was unfaithful and an asshole, but this time I do want to settle down with you.". His eyes spoke the truth to you and wanted to believe him. You were questioning again what if he becomes what he was like before? What if he cheats on you again?

"Okay." You nodded with your eyes on the floor and then you looked at him again. "This is the last chance. You know it didn't work back then." You whispered and he agreed with you. But now, he wants to fight to gain your trust back.

"What about the rest of your clothes and stuff back at the flat?" He asked.

"I called the furniture mover company. They are willing to move our stuff here on Friday." You answered.

"Oh the sooner the better. Can't wait to live with you again." He pulled you in arms, hugging you tight. "Oh," he pulled away for a second.

"What is it?" You asked confused.

"I didn't have the time to tell you how sexy you look on this tight shirt, did I?" He winked, trying to flirt with you.

"No, you didn't." You laughed at his compliment. "Guess it's your kink?" You asked.

"You are my kink." He winked and kissed you softly. "Now go to my bedroom. Tonight, I want you to wear that dress hanging on my closet." He bit his lip and that feeling again got you again. He always bought you dresses you never asked for. But you gotta admit, this man has taste. In everything.

"You didn't have to, Rog." You said with a soft smile on your lips.

"I chose it for you. I want you to wear it. It's a gift." He said back, trying to not hear any other discourage from you.

"Thank you..." your eyes sparkled and kissed him again before going upstairs to see it. He was spoiling you and he liked that.

Later-----

You dressed in the dress Roger bought you: a blue sapphire satin dress, with a smooth cut on your leg, and your torso. It was flattering your waist, your visible leg and your breasts. It fit you like it was made just for you. Roger knew you really well, he knew your body size and type. He could choose the ideal dress for you without worrying if it's not your colour or the fabric that could flatter you less. You couldn't stop looking yourself at the mirror, it was a dreamy dress, one of the best you've ever worn.

A gentle knock on the door awakened your daydreaming. "May I come in?" It was Roger who obviously wanted to get into his bedroom.

"Sure." You coughed after stepping back from the mirror.

"Holy shit." Roger gasped when he walked in the room. His eyes couldn't be taken away from you. "You are stunning." He came closer to you, checking the dress out. "It looks more beautiful on you than I thought." He smiled at you and twisted you around with his hand.

"You think so?" You asked with a giggle.

"I'm certain." He stared at you for a few seconds before returning back to reality. "So, I dressed Laura for tonight, she's ready. I just have to wear my suit and fix my hair a bit and we're leaving." He walked through his closet to grab one of his thousand ironed tuxedos.

You carefully sat on his desk's chair, crossing your legs and actually noticing you have no shoes to wear. You only had the heels you wear at work. They don't match your dress. "Uh, Roger?" You asked.

"Yes?" He replied while he was taking his clothes off to wear his black tuxedo.

"I, um, only have one pair of shoes here. You know, the heels I wore today." You stood up going closer to him, helping him with buttoning his suit after he wore the pair of trousers. He was carefully watching your movements and then your exposed torso, he was absorbed by your hands and then your pink lips.

"I have a surprise for you Cinderella." He joked around and grabbed his blue tie, ready to wear it around his neck.

"Again?" You looked surprised. "At least let me fix your tie." You tied the tiny fabric carefully as if it was made of porcelain. Moments such as, remind you of some award shows he occasionally took you with. It felt nice fixing each other's clothes and details. It was all so magical, even your thoughts travelled together.

"Y/n?" He asked.

"Mmm?" You absentmindedly returned.

"Remember when we went to the Brits nine years ago? I think it was the first time I asked you to attend an award show with me." He smiled.

"Yes, of course, I do. I was at my first trimester at the time, I was throwing up at the toilet." You laughed.

"You did?" He was shocked at your confession as if he doesn't remember.

"Don't you remember? I was leaving our table all the time." You reminded him.

"I guess I was too focused on winning the best single. I'm sorry in delay." He laughed and his hands found your waist, hugging you warmly.

"Apology accepted. But it didn't matter, I was so happy for you. You were winning the one award after the other, you impregnated me..." you giggled after remembering that night.

"It was planned though." He joked. And now that his tie is fixed, he wore his black suit jacket around and made you sit on the chair you were before. "You think I didn't think of your shoes, Cinderella?" His fingertips teased your leg, after grabbing a box from the drawer.

"Oh don't tell me!" You awed.

He opened the box and inside of it, there was a beautiful pair of black heels, special for a night out. He gently wore the pair on your feet and helped you stand up on your feet. They were really comfortable and easy-to-walk heels. "Thank you!" You kissed him.

"Your welcome." He approached the door and waited for you to go downstairs.

You walked down the stairs and Laura was taken aback by your total figure, she hasn't seen you glowing in happiness. "Wow mum, you're beautiful!" She gasped.

"Thank you! Shall we go?" You asked her and she came closer to you, grabbing your hand.

"Wait for me at my car outside, I'm coming," Roger stated and you did as he said.

-----------------

The car drive was silent, not awkward though. You could feel Roger feeling apprehensive about the diner. He was trying to change all this time. You just didn't let him, until the last two days when you saw him trying to reach you for real and R/N showed red flag signs. Laura knew nothing about him but she'd obviously prefer her father than him.

"Here we are..." Roger broke the long-lasting silence and reduced speed when the fancy restaurant was right opposite you. Flashing lights hurt your eyes when paps noticed Roger's car slowing speed. At least, the windows were non-transparent so Laura couldn't get too distracted.

"Baby, don't look at the flash, it's cameras everywhere." Roger turned to Laura to warn her about the paps. She is aware of having a dad celebrity but thankfully never talks about it to her classmates, let alone brag. "Let me park the car and we're getting out. I'll keep you on my arms until we get at the foyer." He drove a little closer to the parking before you were ready to get out. You haven't felt yourself be taken photos for a long time. It frustrated Roger and you but mostly him because he disliked being papped at his personal moments, let alone when his child is with him. Many were the times when Roger and Laura were papped whenever he was with her on weekends or vacations. "Y/N, cover your eyes as you walk to the entrance door." He advised and then you both opened the car's doors to walk inside. You started walking to get some paps with you so Laura and Roger could walk with ease to the restaurant.

"Y/N, are you getting back with Roger?" Paps started questioning you but you knew you had to stay silent. You never spoke to them. You let Roger do the negotiations. He's the public figure, not you. "What are your statements about today's event at the place you work?" Of course, they'd reported it.

You reached the entrance door and waited for Roger to come to you. He carried Laura on his arms and her face was buried on his neck, trying to not be seen by the cameras. He looked at you with the are you okay look and you nodded until the receptionist opened the glass door for you.

"Have you made a reservation, sir?" The receptionist asked checking the list.

"Yes, it's Taylor." He put Laura down and you all patiently waited.

"Nice, table for three, follow me." He smiled and followed him to the table the reservation was. Next to the window, great. Paps could see you now so you told Laura to sit behind the window so her face couldn't be seen.

"That was crazy out there." He sighed as you all sat down.

"Yes, I internally panicked. Laura are you okay?" You asked your kid when she drank some of the water, the waiter served her.

"Yes, I am." She assured with a smile.

"What will you drink sir?" The waiter turned to Roger.

"A bottle of Chardonnay, we'll need it." He laughed and checked on you.

"Right away, sir." He left and now all three of you started talking.

"So Laura what do you think of tonight's diner?" Roger asked her.

"I didn't expect that. I thought you weren't together anymore..." She declared. "Mum, didn't we expect R/N for diner tonight? What happened," she asked confused.

"Laura um.." You cleared your throat before starting to talk. "I talked with your dad and we thought we should get back together." You started. "How does that sound to you?" You hoped she would be positive about it.

"Really?" She asked and looked both at Roger and you. "Mum, dad, that's wonderful!" She gasped.

"You think so?" Roger asked.

"Yes! I was sad when you were arguing all this time. I just hope it won't be the same anymore. It's lovely when we are under the same roof, I feel we're a family but when you argue, I can't stand it..." She admitted and a wave of guilt took you over. She was witnessing your Homeric arguments all this time, neither said a word, nor burst out crying. She was silent and never complained regardless of how much she missed her dad.

"This time's, going to be alright. We discussed it with your mum and it feels right to be back again. Because hands-off, but we missed each other. That's a fact we can't argue over." Roger laughed at Laura and she was happy to hear it.

"So mum, we're leaving our home?" She asked.

"Yes, we're going to dad's." You smiled at her.

You drank and ate like a proper family. It was a worthy diner and definitely full of surprises. You had no idea. Roger excused himself and stood up from his chair and got down on his knees next to you. Laura lost it at the sight of her dad kneeling to you. Your mouth was wide opened at his body position. People around the restaurant were looking at you now. They probably knew who Roger was and they were all awed at the sight of the hot drummer of Queen getting on knees for you. "Roger, what are you doing?" You gasped with your hands on your mouth.

"Y/N..." He started and took out from his pocket a small red box. You were ready to tear. Laura came closer to you, she had to enjoy the scene. "You're the love of my life." He added and that sent you to heaven and back. "When we were apart, I couldn't find love." His eyes found yours. He was honest and that blue colour of his irises sent you shivers. "That divorce awakened my love for you; I was unfaithful, I know. I was dishonest, I know that too. What I didn't know was that I couldn't live without you. So..." He took a deep breath and revealed a platinum ring with three diamonds on heart shapes. It was beautiful but not as beautiful as Roger's statement. "Y/N, will you marry me again?" His eyes were glowing as his fingers carefully grabbed the ring and wore it around your fourth finger. You stared at him as if he was the most special thing in the world. You then looked at Laura who was crying from happiness.

"Yes, I'll marry you again." You tore as you accepted his proposal and now he let out a relieving smile. Roger stood on his feet again and picked you up, asking for a loving kiss. "I love you." You whispered in his ear, not letting go of his hug.

"I love you too." His hand hugged your entire body, your back was covered by his arms and hands. His eyes caught Laura's who was the happiest kid on earth. She has the chance to see her parents getting married. Again. "I promise I won't be the asshole I was." He confessed to your ear. People at the restaurant couldn't stop applauding and congratulating you two. It was a delirious moment.

3 MONTHS LATER

You and Roger got married two weeks after his proposal at the city's town hall with Freddie and John being witnesses. A little later, The Magic Tour started and your husband had the bright idea to take Laura and you on tour since she was done with school priorities due to summer break. You were hanging out with Queen members and the two other wives. It was a great experience, probably the greatest tour of the band. Laura was the happiest you've ever seen her. You all had some spare time to explore the cities, enjoy each other's company and so on. Needless to say that Roger and you had sex at the early dates of the tour and now you have your period delay for a couple of months. In this time, you vomited a lot and felt dizzy, so a pregnancy test was the answer to all your symptoms. And yes, you were pregnant again on Roger's kid. You felt extremely happy about it and now that you know about your pregnancy, you wanted to share it with him, with your husband.

You were at your hotel room, in Madrid, eating at the balcony some junk food you bought earlier. You heard Roger entering the room, probably alone because Laura was with the other Queen kids.

"Y/N?" He searched for your figure until you answered from out there. "Oh, there you are." He smiled and leaned closer to kiss you. "I thought you were at the pool."

"Well, yeah, I was hungry." You smiled and took another bite.

"Again?" He smirked because he was suspicious about your condition. He has noticed your irregular sleeping and eating schedules and definitely saw you feeling disgusted. "Is there something you want to tell me?" He asked and sat next to you.

"Like what?" You raised your brow, playing around

"Well, I don't know," he moved his shoulders in confusion. "Something personal?" He tried to check you out but you couldn't be seen behind the table you were sitting.

"Come with me." You stood up and caught his hand to follow you inside.

You removed your robe and stayed at your bikini, letting him notice anything different on you. He was way too focused at your belly, trying to notice the tiniest.

"I'm pregnant!" You announced with a huge smile on your face and Roger needed a few seconds to process it.

"P-pregnant?" He asked ready to explode from happiness. "Oh God, I'm gonna be a dad again?" He tore and ran to you hugging you and kissing you.

"Yes! It's been two months, already..." You tore with him and felt happier than ever.

-----1987-----

And somehow, Roger and you stayed together after getting married again. Nine months later, you'd give birth to another blonde baby girl and now that Roger focused on his solo projects, he had more spare time to spend it with his beloved family.

#roger taylor #Roger Meddows Taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor smut #queen #queen band #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x oc #roger taylor x female reader #roger taylor x Y/N #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

[flirting-with-psychology]

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? He was celebrating thanksgiving with his parents during my birthday but he called me

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? I

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’ve gotten more anxiety and gotten fatter

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? I Almost Do, Red, and If This Was A Movie (all by taylor swift). Yes I still listen

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? Not in the post I shared, but in my last original post I tagged my boyfriend

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Usually giggly and overexcited

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Disappointed that the gym won’t let me cancel over the phone and might still charge me for february

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? Not always

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Get into bed with him

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Being annoyed at my dad’s snoring through the walls

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

Are you okay right now? I haven’t been okay this whole year

What time did you get up today? Like 1:30

When was the last time you saw your mom? The other day

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Donald trump and Mitch McConnell

Where is your best friend right now? At home I assume

When will your next kiss be? As soon as we get negative test results

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No

Does anyone completely understand you? No

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? I don’t remember, it’s been a long time

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Probably wasting time

How often do you straighten your hair? Never now, I used to when it was short

What are you currently looking forward to? The costume sale that hopefully I will be able to go to

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Lol probably not

Who did you last hang out with? My dad

Did anyone see your last kiss? No

Could things possibly get any better? I fucking hope so

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I assume it will be my boyfriend

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Stress

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? Not sure

How often do you see your ex? Rarely

Who was the last person to text you? My boyfriend

Did you like anyone last summer? Yes, my boyfriend

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My boyfriend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I enjoy having one

Are you currently in a relationship? Yes

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Most days

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? I would like to reconnect with my friend Shaina

What are you planning on doing after this? Idk

Is there a girl you would do anything for? No

Who IMed you on facebook last? My mom

How old are you? 26

Do you love dogs? Yes

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Probably

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I have cowboy rainboots

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Apple

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? If I could do either of them, a backflip in water would be cool

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, just didn’t have anything in common with them

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Lol no

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Watching TV. Listening for music needs to be accompanied by another activity

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Theater is fun, but right now at home

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White

Do you like spaghetti? I love spaghetti

What about lasagna? No, I don’t like red sauce

Do you celebrate Christmas? No

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? Who does that?

Do you like chocolate bars? Yes

what about ice cream? Mostly, although sometimes the plain flavors are boring

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Wasps a few times

Do you get tired easily? Only in the morning

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? No

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered as a teaching assistant What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but it made my vision all swimmy

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? Maybe if I got some that worked

Are your ears pierced? How many times? One on each ear

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but I don’t believe it’s god-given

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I don’t think so. Both of my parents kept their hair color for awhile so hopefully I got that gene

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Yes, on my arm

Have you ever been screened for STDs? Yes

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I'm not sure. If it was someone I loved and there wasn’t one already on hand, maybe

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? ewww no

Do you like Harry Potter? Yes

What about Twilight? It was ok, I liked it at the time I read it How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I like the movies

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I did

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? I have a bunch of shotglasses from places I visit

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7.5-8 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Kind of dorito-shaped, so some shoe types just don’t fit

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Probably bright color

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? Decently

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m probably a little closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was like 5 the first time I put a word to it and his name was Aidan, but I probably had sort-of crushes even before that

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Blond, bowl-cut at the time. He actually grew up to be really hot so I guess I knew how to pick em

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Maybe

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? A little

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I might have had some minor things

Do you collect DVDs? Not as a collection, but I buy movies I like a lot

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, those are like twice as much

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No, I was bad at it

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Only roly polies

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes but not well

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? Yes

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? A little

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter for a sandwich, nutella for eating straight out of the jar

Have you ever stepped on a snail? No

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? I can’t remember

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t have one

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Probably not

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Yes

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, but I do wear short sleeves year round

What state were you born in? Colorado

Have you ever had a nose bleed? All the time

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 15 minutes

Do you have a weak stomach? No

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? Yes

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Slightly but not really

Do you *really* like donuts? Yes

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? At some point

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Yes

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Jewelry and nerd stuff

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I am talking to him right now

What do you usually order on a pizza? No sauce, cheese, garlic, pinapple Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? Not really

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? Mac

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Kitten

How old will you be on your next birthday? 27 yikes

What color are your underwear? Turquoise

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s messy

#survey

[wildewebdesign-blog]

My weight loss journey

 This was me at the beginning of my journey

December 2018 I decided to stand on the scales to see just how heavy I was, and my god I was horrified by the digits I saw! Thats when my love/hate relationship with the weighing scales took a turn for the better. I then decided that my new years resolution would be to lose some weight and get in to shape! So, on the 1st of January 2019 I did just that!

I started to eat healthier and make healthier choices at first but my mindset on food remained the same, which as we all know (for those that have a food addiction) is a real pain in the backside as we just hate wasting food or leaving leftovers. I mean being a few pounds away from twenty nine stone wasnt good for me, my health or my amazing wife who has supported me throughout my entire journey so far! The first step was to cut my portion size down bit by bit so it wasnt a drastic change, stop having takeaways and give myself one day of the week where I could eat something naughty to help curve the cravings for the rest of the week (didn’t go so well, ate like a pig on crap food!) So, I limited myself eventually but that bit comes later in my story! The first week I had lost almost half a stone and was feeling on top of the world! I never thought I could lose weight, as I always gave up after a month or so, this time however I was determined to stick it out. I had an appointment with the doctors, can’t remember what for but the results from a blood test showed I was ALMOST pre-diabetic, so even more important to shift the weight! By going along with most of the official Slimming World guidelines and rules (didn’t go to meetings, not my thing!) I found it easier at first, but figured out very quickly that it had its limitations as some things may work for others but not for me so, I made some tweaks to it, first off, its not a diet. Its a way of life! That bit is very important as if its a diet, you can quit at anytime, whereas if it is a part of daily life, you can’t!

After four months of eating healthier, being a little more active I had a follow up appointment with my GP who actually referred me to the gym, which to be fair I was a little anxious about, I mean the stigma around gyms is they are full of muscular, skinny people but, I found they weren't! Others like me doing their best to shed a few pounds. I will admit, I got addicted to the endorphins and the rush you get afterwards! Oh did I mention that before I started in the gym I had lost three and a half stone already?

Those of you that are on Slimming World and are buying SW chips, or par boiling homemade chips… DON’T DO IT! There is a better way! Handy trick for you, you can either peel them or keep the skin on, but slice your potatoes into chips, spray an oven tray with enough frylight to coat the tray, place the chips on, salt/pepper them and spray more frylight on top to make them crispy and place in the oven at 200 degrees Celsius for half an hour (depending on how you like them) and they are gorgeous! Healthy chips without all the faff!

  Ok so, I left off last time after mentioning about my first visit to the gym. This was a whole new area of the world I hadn’t previously explored and was completely clueless! I knew how to use the bike and the treadmill but that was it. The fitness instructor I was assigned to was very inviting and kind, and always paid me compliments which helped boost my confidence whilst in the gym. I started on the TRX, bike, treadmill and squats to start with so, basically all cardio. Which I found relaxing to be fair. It got me into a routine, which I highly recommend for weight loss! Routine is one of the main things that has helped me get this far! Food routine and daily routine. After all, your body stores fat when you have irregular eating patterns as it doesn't know when it will be fed next. Sorry I digressed a little there.

 I found that once I am in the gym, headphones in and my favourite music playing I was in the zone, where I could push myself each week to work harder, do more and improve the statistics on my account to show myself I am capable of doing it. At this point I was only attending the gym twice per week. I did this for six months and had lost a total of six and a half stone at this point. I even lost weight over Christmas!

 Things changed in May 2020 thanks to the Corona Virus pandemic, where all the gyms, swimming pools etc all closed, so this is where I had to get creative to continue the weight loss and not just sit at home eating crap because I was stuck inside. So I headed over to Youtube and found one or two easy workout videos which I did every day, I was seeing great results! Losing more than I did whilst in the gym and feeling more energetic. I moved on to the video I still use every day today, Emi Wong 30 minute minute HIIT workout with no jumping. Not quite beginner but still a great workout, it has helped me get to the point where at this moment in time (04/06/2020) I am a pound away from a nine and a half stone loss! This is the part of my story where I can share some of the tricks I have used in order to get this far. Most of which are easy enough to do, but some will require self control and a great mental attitude!

 This is me now, weighing 19.2 stone! 

  1) Routine, as mentioned above this helps you to stay the course and also allows you more freedom if that makes any sense?

2) Drink plenty of water, this in turn helps the skin retain its elasticity which helps your skin bounce back instead of having saggy, loose skin afterwards.

 3) Eating meals which are healthy, but can be made exciting using herbs and spices to spruce them up a little, you can still have whatever you want but portion control is a must. I still eat sausages but they are Linda McCartney vegetarian sausages.

 4) Keep active, says it all really. No explanation needed.

 5) Change the way you think about food. Before I started this journey I LOVED pizza and now everytime I think about eating a slice I feel physically sick!

 6) Three square meals a day at regular times, for example everyday I have two weetabix, blueberries, grapes, raspberries and strawberries for breakfast. Then I have lettuce, cucumber, cheese and ham sandwiches for dinner and for the main meal I tend to go for gammon (fat removed), broccoli and the chips I mentioned above. I don’t get hungry during the day doing this, so im not liable to eat more than I should.

 7) Don’t be afraid to ask for help! People that want to see you in the best shape of your life are more than willing to help! NEVER be ashamed or afraid if you get tempted or have cheated by eating something you shouldn't have, we all do it! At the end of the day its your body, your choices and your life!

  So that is my story so far. Any questions? Want somewhere to start yourself? Feel free to comment below and I will answer when I can as my wife and I run two small businesses. One is a website design business called www.wildewebdesign.co.uk and the other is a craft business called www.wildeaboutcrafts.co.uk feel free to take a look :)

#lose weight #weightloss #loseweight #diet #gym

[shuwuwua]

college apartment neighbor!dino

“Apartment neighbor au with Dino? Where you’re college students trying to survive.”

in which it’s a struggle, but some people are worth struggling with [friendship]

word count: 1.3k 

you figure this year will be worse than last year 

since you’re not living in a dorm anymore and thus no longer have residential events that you’re coerced into attending, your avg # of social interactions are most likely going to reduced to... zero to few

look, it takes a lot of energy to leave the confines of your room to walk to your friend’s apartment four blocks down the street

or worse, going somewhere so far you have to take the bus

yeah, #firstworldproblems and all aside, people have said sophomore year is a struggle. 

you barely see anyone

you’re having your mid-college crisis about what to major in i.e. spend the rest of your life in (spoiler: in ten years it won’t matter if you don’t want it to)

and also no one cares about you anymore because you’re not a freshman

so if you mess up, that’s on you, bub

what a lonely, brutal world

that’s how you think your year will go, cooped up in your apartment, grinding for class, maybe an occasional interaction with your roommates

but the universe decides differently

you meet him when you’re moving in

he appears seemingly out of no where as you are slumped over your 5th cardboard box, contemplating whether or not to flop onto the cardboard throne you have been building in front of your door

“hey!! uh, are you ok ??” 

“huh? yeah im just melting : ))”

“so are the rest of us, but we can melt together! do you need some help?”

“oh no, i don’t want to bother you...”

“technically, i’m the one who bothered you,” he says, already walking down the stairs. “which one is your car?”

that’s how your first interaction with chan lee, your cheerful new neighbor and fellow sophomore, plays out

you figure you’ll never see him again 

just because you’re neighbors with someone doesn’t mean you’ll see them 

heck, freshman year you barely saw the people who lived in the room next to you

but as you wait for a lecture to start on the first day of school, someone plops into the seat next to you 

“hi, neighbor!” chan starts. “we’re classmates too, huh? i’m glad you’re here because i don’t actually have any friends in this class. well, aside from you of course.”

you blink a little to process how quickly he speaks. he has a little too much more energy than you can deal with in the morning. 

as he takes out his school supplies, he turns back to you after your lack of response. “we are friends, right?”

are you? you’ve only spoken once, really. but he looks at you with such wide eyes and a bright smile that you can’t say no. 

“yeah, sure.” his smile widens and class finally starts.

you see him three times a week for class, always sitting in the same spot. as you begin losing your motivation to get up early enough to make it to class before all the seats fill, he begins saving your seat for you. 

it’s rather nice being in class with him, actually. whenever you’re in class with your friends you tend to end up not listening and just looking through your phone instead. but chan is such a diligent student, always paying attention and writing fervently, that you’d feel embarrassed if you weren’t also paying attention.

few weeks into the semester, midterm season is upon you 

there’s a knock knock knock on your front door

“hey! do you want to come over and study for the midterm? i have snacks,” chan greets you.

you’d been planning to lock yourself in and grind

that is, study on the couch and inevitably space out and probably fall asleep

maybe some accountability would be good. plus... no one says no to food. “okay.”

so now you get to see the inside of his apartment for the first time. his apartment is looks like what it is: an apartment that houses three male college students. the table in the living room has various items cluttering it: open notebooks, headphones, a pack of chewing gum, a gym bag laying open next to it, a hoodie strewn across the back of the couch 

his room is an unsurprising contrast to the living room, pretty clean an orderly, just how chan seems

but if you were to look more closely, a lot of the mess was just shoved into the crevices

however, you did not look

although chan manages to look like he has his life together or something, he’s actually kind of confused about the class material

you’re both just taking it because of general education requirements

and biology really isn’t chan’s forte

you’re no genius at it either, but you’re able to explain some things to him 

putting your heads together, you two manage to get through quite a lot

studying with chan that day seemed to pay off, because you did well on the midterm!

status update: you and chan are now neighbors, classmates, and study buddies. and friends, you suppose. 

you guys study together pretty regularly, sometimes at your place, sometimes at his 

the mess you failed to notice the first time in chan’s room begins seeping out more and more 

the study sessions become slightly less productive as you two end up just talking about other things 

the later the hour, the more vast the topic

one chilly october night, you’re lying on the floor next to your textbooks and notebooks, paying absolutely no mind to them 

rain falls quietly outside chan’s window 

“yeah, to be honest i don’t even know what i’m doing,” you say to the ceiling

“same, i don’t understand this unit at all”

“no i mean... well, that too, but i just.” you pause and purse your lips as you collect your thoughts. “why am i even taking this class?”

“it’s an ‘easy’ gen ed class?” chan offers

“that’s true. i’ve just been thinking about what classes i’ve been taking lately to see if any of them strike me as particularly interesting. the stress of picking a major is slowly but surely setting in. i’m just afraid i’ll hate what i’m studying, i guess.” you’re not really sure why you’re just unloading this all on chan. maybe because it’s 1:47 in the morning and your better judgement has clocked out. 

chan can’t quite relate because he knew he was majoring in dance all along, but he gives you a sympathetic smile that feigns empathy pretty well. “well, even if you end up hating your major, what’s the worst that would happen?”

“um... that i wasted 4 years of my life, education, and tuition money?”

“i don’t think it’d be a waste. i think some realizations just come at certain times, even if you don’t think it’s the most convenient timing. you have to try to even know you dislike something, right?”

you blink at the ceiling before facing him. “i guess you’re right.”

“i know i’m right,” he says with confidence you kind of envy, “so don’t worry. whatever you choose will be right, in one way or another.”

you haven’t really know chan that long, but it hasn’t been a short time either. 3+ times per week over two and a half months is a lot of time if you use it right. yet you’re looking at chan as if you just saw him correctly for the first time. 

you always knew he was straightforward and sure of himself, but today he was extending it to you. his share of confidence was something you needed recently, since it’s not really something easily found in your regular environment. 

you smile at him. “thanks, chan.”

“it’s nothing. what are friends for?”

... yeah. chan is your friend. against all odds and expectations you had coming into the school year, chan and his contagious cheerful outlook budged their way into your life 

you welcome it gladly.

chan turns off his desk lamp. “let’s go outside!”

“what? don’t we need to study this?”

“clearly it’s not going to happen. i want some nuggets from mcdonalds.”

“bet let’s go”

a/n: i planned for this to come out differently (more active struggling and procrastinating) but dang, chan just really insisted on being written as the extremely capable and hardworking bean we all know he is

#dino scenario #dino scenarios #seventeen scenario #seventeen scenarios #chan scenario #chan scenarios #dino #seventeen #lee chan #type: scenario #format: bullet #genre: friendship #scenario: seventeen #scenario: dino #words: 1k #author: jae

[lovemesomesurveys]

Are you excited for the holidays? * I think Im more excited for the lead-up to the holidays. Like, on the actual day of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Xmas, etc, I jst feel deflated. For me, all of the excitement is in the anticipation <<< That’s how it’s become for me over the years. :( Like all of October was ~spooky~ time, but on the actual day of Halloween, it didn’t feel like it at all. That’s how Christmas is, too. You wait all year and get all excited, but it’s over so fast. There’s a kind of sadness that comes after. I still love this time of year, but it doesn’t feel quite the same anymore. :( Maybe that’s just part of getting older. The depression probably has a lot to do with it... I just don’t get excited about things like I used to. I try, but it doesn’t feel the same ya know? Are you watching anything on tv right now? Yeah, I’m watching this movie called, The Other Woman. Who is your best friend? My mom. Do you judge people on looks or personality? * While the way someone presents themselves outwardly can give some insight into their personality, Im much more likely to judge ppl on who they are, not what they look like <<< What does the word love mean to you? “L is for the way you look at me O is for the only one I see V is very, very extraordinary E is even more than anyone that you adore.”

Can you play any instruments? Nope. When’s your birthday? July 28th. What do you want for Christmas? The new wireless Beats earphones. What time is it right now? * 11:01am <<< Whoa, it’s 11:01PM for me, ha. Should you be doing something else besides this survey? I’m about to eat some ramen. Are you a facebook addict? Not at all. I only spend like a few minutes on there at a time, maybe like 3 times a day. Do you understand Chuck Norris jokes? I get it, but I didn’t get why they were such a big thing. I heard ‘em all the time in middle school. Do you have a pet cat? No, but I have a doggo! Name one tattoo you would like to get someday. I’ve wanted ‘free bird’ for several years. Do you like the color pink? Sure. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I can, it just takes me a little longer. Are you afraid of stink bugs? I’m afraid of ALL bugs.  Do you always burn your toast? No. Do you have a printer? Yeah. What is the closest thing to you that’s yellow? A couple yellow colored pencils.  Does anyone own any embarrassing pictures of you? One of my cousins for some reason always had the worst photos of me. Do you wear contact lenses? Nope. The idea of putting them in/taking them out and just possible issues with wearing them freaks me out. Plus, I actually quite like my glasses. I also look even worse without them. Do you not agree that gas prices are ridiculous? Yeah. I don’t drive, never have, so it’s not something I’ve had to deal with firsthand, but still I see the prices and hear my family talk about it so yeah. How’s the weather where you’re at? It’s finally feeling like fall and I’m loving it. Do you have a cell phone? Yes. Do you still live at home? Yes. Are you currently enrolled in college? Nope. I graduated in 2015. Do you have a drivers liscence? No. Name one event that made you happy today :) It’s only been today for 15 minutes. Do you care what others say about you? Yes and no. Not as much as I used to, though. Not in a good way where I have confidence and don’t give a shit what people think about me, but just that I don’t have the energy to care ya know? I’m basically numb to it. Have you ever played Farmville? Nah, never got into that. What is your favorite video game? Mario anything, really. What song represents your life the best? I don’t know. Do you stereotype people that you don’t know? I think we all do that sometimes. Is there anyone out there that really bugs you yet you don’t know why? Lol yeah. I’m just annoyed with people in general. :X How fast can you type? Fast. What are you afraid of the most in life? Losing my loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and just wasting away; never doing anything with my life. Do you have a religion? I’m Christian. Are you into anime? No. Do you prefer day over night? I guess. How many hours of sleep do you get per night? It varies. Never feels like enough. Name one movie that has made you cry more than once. Hmm. Do you have any siblings? I have 2 brothers. Have you ever donated to a charity? Yeah. What is your worst feature? Everything. Do you consider yourself a kind person? I think I used to be, but I don’t feel like I’m that kind anymore... I feel like I’ve become hardened. :/  What is the last thing you’ve eaten? Ramen. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed awake for? Over 30 something hours. Are you for or against abortion? Do you believe in soul mates? It’s hard to imagine that there’s someone out there meant for me. Who is your hero and why? My mom. Who is your favorite musical artist? I have a lot. Do you have a secret talent? Nope. I have no talent. What is your favorite color? Pastels, dusty rose, yellow, mint green, and coral. When is your father’s birthday? March 20th. What are you doing besides this survey? Listening to an ASMR video. What do you do in your spare time? So, I spend my days lounging in bed, Tumblr-ing, doing surveys, checking social medias, watching YouTube, watching TV, and sometimes coloring and reading. I haven’t read in months, though. :/ I want to change that, but for some reason I have yet to do so. Do you still like to take naps? Sometimes sleepiness is just too overpowering and I give in. I always feel so groggy and meh after a nap, though. Do you have any children? Nooo. Have you ever danced in the rain? Yeah. Do you watch the Disney Channel? Not anymore. What was your last dream about? I don’t remember. My dreams are so weird and random, but for some reason I usually forget them when I wake up. Do you swear? Sometimes. Are you a sarcastic person? Noo, not at all.  Are you bad at spelling? I think I spell pretty well. Where was the last place you went besides your house? I tagged along with my mom last night to go pickup our food. Do you overthink things? Yeppp. Are you naturally paranoid? Yes. What is your biggest pet peeve? One of them is eating sounds.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[doctorsorders-deathboy]

Of All the Nights

lmfao i guess i’m back from the dead bitches. (this wip has existed for so long. i could not tell you why i decided to finally finish it tonight but AAA im so excited to be posting a fic again omg) amusingly, my last fic also involved late night baking. i hope you enjoy!!

Word Count: 1941

Read on ao3

It was 3:07am on the third of January and Nico di Angelo was dressed in nothing but a too-small fuchsia bathrobe, soaking wet, and about ready to commit bloody murder.

It was very possible, he thought, that the bathrobe contributed to his fury.

This was the kind of disaster that he’d recount to Jason later, with countless creative swears thrown in, though as he stood shivering and fuming outside a stranger’s apartment, it occurred to him that this might be one of those stories that would get more laughs from Jason than shared anger. Asshole.

Speaking of assholes, the door finally opened, revealing a very flustered looking blond man around Nico’s age. For a moment, Nico almost backed off on his prepared rant upon seeing how miserable the blond looked, but when another draft of winter air hit Nico’s still dripping legs, his scowl only deepened.

“What the hell were you doing baking at fucking three in the morning?”

The blond blinked once, twice, three times. He opened his mouth, closed it, and Nico was about ready to break his damn nose when he finally said, “Sorry… Do I know you?”

Nico had never had height to his advantage but hell if he didn’t know how to make himself intimidating. The blond shrunk back as Nico reared himself up to hiss, “Luckily, I was able to make it through 21 years of my life without meeting you before you had to go and nearly set the damn building on fire because of your insomniac cooking. Do you have any idea what kind of night you’ve caused for me? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should save your incompetence for the waking hours when most people will be out at work anyways? Honestly, what kind of bullshit did you pull to make the fucking fire alarms go off? Did you pull this shit on purpose? Is this some kind of a joke to you?”

The man took much too long to answer again and Nico was collecting every bit of self control he had to keep himself from wringing this jackass’s neck when the response finally came. “Why are you wet?”

Nico must have reared up spectacularly that time because the man quickly amended, “I mean―! I’m sorry, that’s not the point here, um…” He peeked out of his apartment and looked around the deserted hallway. “If you want to yell at me, can you do it in here? I don’t want to wake anyone else up.”

“Like hell, you care,” Nico grumbled but willingly stepped into the man’s apartment. In hindsight, this really wasn’t Nico’s wisest move considering this guy was a stranger and Nico was nearly naked, but the blond seemed about as threatening as a frightened mouse. A tall, blue-eyed, frightened mouse who somehow had a tan in the dead of winter.

“Sorry, who are you again?” the blond asked, closing the door behind a fuming Nico.

“Your pissed off neighbor from two floors up,” Nico snapped. Unfortunately, the blond visibly cringed, looking like a kicked puppy, so Nico muttered, “Nico. Di Angelo,” as a reconcilement.

“Will Solace,” the blond introduced himself in return. He held his hand out to shake but quickly drew it back when it was clear that Nico’s arms were not moving from where they were crossed against his chest.

They stood in uncomfortable silence until Nico repeated, “How the hell did you set off the fucking alarm?” in as dangerous a voice as he could manage.

“I, well…”

Nico shot another fierce glare and Will didn’t waste anymore time in getting to the point.

“I was making pizzelles for my sister’s birthday and the iron must’ve broken because it was making a lot of smoke. It set off the fire alarm which went off throughout the whole building and… yeah. It was a mess. I’m really sorry. I feel awful.”

Nico didn’t doubt Will’s sincerity. The poor man was hunched in on himself with bags under his hands and his hands firmly stuck in his pockets. That didn’t make his story any less ridiculous, though.

“I’m sorry,” Nico said without a hint of remorse, “I think I missed something. Why the hell were you baking at three in the fucking morning?”

Will frowned at him. “You curse a lot,” he muttered.

“Why the fuck were you―”

“I was working until 1am!” Will exclaimed, which was the first indignant comment he’d made. “And I have classes at ten in the morning, but I promised to meet my friend for coffee at eight so I figured I’d just power through and bake when I got home but―” His voice broke off.

Nico’s cheeks tinted with embarrassment upon seeing Will’s face crumple a bit. God, please don’t cry. Nico hadn’t ever been very good at comforting crying people.

“Sorry,” Will said, his voice hoarse. “I should probably… I’m just going to clean up and go to bed. No more smoke. I promise.” He attempted a laugh to lighten the mood but it came out strangled and pitiful.

Nico was about ready to leave Will to mope when he spotted a picture hanging on the wall across the room. Will stood in the center, looking much happier than he did standing in front of Nico. The Will in the picture had a smile that made you want to smile back and had each arm thrown around a friend, pulling them close. He looked jubilant; the kind of person who you felt certain you could approach without fear. It was a painful contrast to the melancholy man Nico had met.

It felt very wrong to Nico that someone so happy could look so broken.

“What about your sister’s pizzelles?” Nico asked quietly.

Will shrugged. “I’ll have to buy her something on my way over tomorrow. Hopefully she won’t mind. I just feel bad, I promised I’d bake for her. Those pizzelles are her favorite.”

Nico considered this for a moment before internally rolling his eyes at himself. “Then we’d better make some pizzelles, shouldn’t we?”

~*~

“You still never explained to me why you showed up at my apartment soaked and nearly naked,” Will said conversationally, as he stood washing the dishes while Nico carefully arranged pizzelles in a tin.

Nico cleared his throat. “That’s a conversation starter I haven’t heard before.”

“Seriously,” Will said, grinning. “Were you swimming?”

“Why would I be swimming in the dead of night?”

Will shrugged. “I dunno, that’s why I was asking.”

“I wasn’t swimming.” Nico put the lid on the tin and turned around, pulling his fuchsia bathrobe tighter around himself.

Will turned towards him, too, eyebrows still raised.

Nico exhaled very slowly before admitting, “I was taking a shower.”

Will blinked. “At… three in the morning?” When Nico’s expression darkened, he added quickly, “Not that I’m judging! Obviously. I’ve taken many middle-of-the-night showers. I just… So, are you a med student, too, or what?”

Nico scuffed his shoe across the floor and grumbled, “No.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

“So…”

“I had a dream,” Nico blurted, probably due to a combination of his lack of sleep and the way Will’s eyes had this kind, dreamy quality to them that made you feel like you could tell him anything.

Will’s eyebrows furrowed. “You showered because you had a dream?” His eyebrows shot upward. “Oh.”

“Not like that!” Nico said quickly, heat rushing to his face. “No, oh my god, no, that’s not…” And then he was laughing harder than he had in a long time and Will was laughing with him and he hardly felt embarrassed anymore. “No, it was a nightmare, not…” Nico tried to catch his breath. “Not that.”

Will tsked. “That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

“So the shower was, what, to calm you down?”

Nico shifted, his mind flashing back to the dark, blurred images of a few hours ago. Bianca’s smile melting off her face, his mother screaming for him, a packed, dark room where people were crying and disappearing one by one, and he was next, he was next―

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “Basically.”

When he’d woken up, he’d had to spend what felt like eternity reminding himself how to breathe again. He’d been having more nightmares recently, ones so bad that he almost considered Jason’s advice to start seeing a therapist. I mean, shit, he knew college wasn’t doing much for him in the mental health department but things hadn’t been this bad since he was thirteen.

He tried different things each night to get himself back to sleep―whatever it took. One night he didn’t manage to properly get back to sleep afterwards; he just lay in his bed with the lights on and music playing, counting the beats of his heart as he dozed on and off. That night, after waking up, he couldn’t stand his own skin, couldn’t stand being trapped in his body any longer, couldn’t stand the way he could still feel cold, dead hands from the dream clutching him―

So he’d gotten in the fucking shower and made the water as hot as he could stand and then the goddamn fire alarm went off. Jesus Christ, of all the fucking nights.

“Must have been a pretty bad dream,” Will murmured.

Nico shrugged. “Yeah, I mean… Yeah. I was… Sorry for being so harsh on you earlier. I was still kind of shaken up, I guess. I probably wouldn’t have marched to your apartment for a stupid mistake on a normal night.”

Will grinned. “Probably?”

“Maybe.”

Will laughed. “Oh, here!” He handed a small tin to Nico. “You helped make em, you should get some for yourself.”

Nico opened it to see that it was crammed full of pizzelles. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course. I love the bathrobe, by the way―I never said.”

“Oh god.” Nico groaned. “It’s not mine.”

“Your girlfriend’s?”

And then Nico was laughing again. Christ, that was twice in one night. Something must be wrong with him. “Yeah, no. It’s my sister’s.”

“Ah. Well, for the record, my next guess was that it was your boyfriend’s. I don’t mean to assume anything.”

Nico sucked his teeth. “I don’t have one of those, I’m afraid.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

Will smiled softly to himself and Nico noticed that he had a dimple on one side of his face. God. Nico really wished he smiled more.

“Well, thanks so much for the baking help. You really didn’t have to,” Will said as they walked towards the door.

Nico waved him off. “I’m the one who came to your apartment in an angry rage. I needed to make it up to you somehow.”

“Do you frequently get in angry rages?”

“Yes, but mostly just for the aesthetic. Usually I’m too tired to be properly angry.”

Will laughed.

“I’ll return the tin to you, by the way,” Nico added.

“Will you be showing up at my apartment nearly naked again?”

Nico flushed and laughed nervously. “No, I promise I will be fully clothed.”

Will hummed disappointedly. “Well, I suppose I can’t have everything,” he murmured. He smiled then, full and warm, and his eyes crinkled at the corners, and yes, Nico definitely wanted to see that smile more. “Goodnight, Nico,” he said cheerfully.

The door shut before Nico could figure out a way to respond. He stood there staring at it for a solid thirty seconds before turning and heading back to his apartment. When he got back, he decided, he’d put the pizzelles in a different container. He wanted to return the tin to Will Solace as soon as he could get away with.

#solangelo #will solace #nico di angelo #fanfiction #fanfic #pjo #hoo #toa #fluff #request #anon #i cant believe im actually posting a fic in 2018 omg