#im hoping to have a character list posted sometime this week

[oleander-neruim]

I can't believe my silly au is being the reason I draw Oli TheOrionSound for the first time smh smh

#so im working on concepts for the characters #im hoping to have a character list posted sometime this week #yippee. #ollie talks #ollie rambles #🗺

[ino-tamukas-baggy-sweater]

The Blessing to Your Curse - Part 1 (Ryomen Sukuna x Reader)

Hey y’all I’m back again so soon with another fic, Sukuna’s lover reincarnation (whatever you call it) has me in a chokehold right now and I thought I’d share this with the world. Would like to warn you there is a lot of strange jumping around/pov changes which are indicated by the change in pronouns, I would mark each change but it would get a bit messy after a while so I hope it’s not too hard to follow! ^-^

Reader’s powers involve something I like to call ‘blessed energy’ which is the opposite to cursed energy and is mostly used for healing (reverse blessed energy is used to harm in the same way reverse CE is used to heal) and it’s something I created to use with my writings in the JJK universe. (sometimes I write it a little op because im a self-indulgent piece of shit so for most of what I post I’ll probably dial it back if I use it hehe) The reader has a similar situation to Maki/Mai (MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD) where one twin is restricted and the other has all the energy, and when the one with the energy dies the living twin gains all the power, so I hope that makes sense in context of the story

(PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO SEND A REQUEST!!!! I'M ALWAYS IN NEED OF NEW PROMPTS AND CHARACTERS TO GO WITH THEM ❤)(I have a post which outlines characters I mostly write for but I'm open to adding to that list!!)

Warnings: mild description of mutilation (sukuna’s transformation), main character death (not described), fluff

Word count: 2.4k

“Ryomen!” You laugh, trying to keep a few steps ahead of the young man who chases after you. Your legs tire easily, body frail and sick despite the immense power flowing through your veins. “I’m coming for you!” He growls playfully, “Better run!” He’s holding back from his top speed, this you know well, but you refuse to let that stop you from trying to keep up with his childish play. Still young, 16 and 17 with him being the older one, you insist that you would rather spend the rest of your life here with him than being shepherded around in the village like a priestess.

This is your only escape from the temple on the hill, only solitude, your time with Ryomen Sukuna is precious and you treat it as such, thinking only of him and his rare smiles. You refuse to let the village’s words taint your view of him, as powerful as he is with his cursed energy there is good in him and you seek to nurture it, for both simple selfish gain and so he doesn’t turn on everyone like they did him. You reach the treeline and race out into the meadow, the grass tall and soft around your waist having stripped down from your daily ceremonial robes into just modest loose undergarments.

He does eventually catch up near the middle of the meadow, springing out of the grass and tackling you to the ground, making sure to roll so you land on top of him and he takes the full force of the fall. The last time you returned to the village after a long day of simple play with bruises and scrapes you weren’t allowed to leave the village for a few weeks.

He’s grown quite a lot larger than you during his time in exile, to be expected when you have to fend for yourself against wild animals and build your own shelter, “You’re getting stronger every day,” You smile, pushing yourself off him and laying in the grass, staring up at the beautiful pink of the sunset. “Well I have to, to be able protect you, I’m not the only thing out there you know,” He says, his tone almost too blasé for what he’s implying. You tilt your head and trace the lines of his tattoos with your eyes, “I know you’re not, but you’re not a thing to me Ryomen,” You murmur, “Please, you’re the closest thing I have to a friend, you’ve always been human to me,”

He meets your gaze, his eyes used to be brown, but the red no longer worries you like it used to, “One day I’ll get you out of that village,” He says softly, his words for your ears and the rustling grass only, “I will take you far away from here and we can live somewhere untouched by the rest of the world,” You sit up, looking down at him as you hug your knees to your chest, “I’d like that,” You say, smiling, “Just the two of us,” Nothing could touch you while you were together, the world stood still for you, not even the scathing remarks you sometimes got from the other young girls of the village could hurt you.

The world is volatile, things can change so quickly. Curses are still so new to the world of humans, sorcerers that act as protectors are only just starting to appear among humans and spread themselves between villages when the day finally comes. The wave of hatred and anguish that came with the curses suffocated everything in its path. You were outside the village when it happened, returning from a visit with Sukuna, and you returned to find nothing but death and destruction. More than half of the village had been killed with no discrimination towards age or gender, and it only soothed you a little to see your old family home empty when you wrenched the door open. No blood nor bodies of any kind. Your parents and sister had made it out alive, but the temple atop the hill that you resided in was completely engulfed.

You weren’t naïve, you did not attempt to return to the temple, but they came for you all the same because your energy was like a beacon for them, and they were programmed to destroy. Running with Ryomen had improved your strength over the time you spent together, you supposed that was one of the ways he took care of you in his silent brooding way, but it wasn’t enough to get you all the way to him. He must have sensed your fear as you grew nearer, your breaths shallow and your chest tight, his eyes are the last thing you remember seeing before your soul was harshly liberated from your flesh.

The smell of blood permeated through layers of warmth that held you in suspension beyond life, but you felt yourself being dragged back to the ground, standing over your own body as you watch the only person outside of your immediate family who ever truly cared for you cry. You had never seen him cry before, it was cathartic to know even he still felt human somewhere inside while holding your weak broken body to his bare tattooed chest.

You felt his cursed energy filling the air like smoke, almost able to see it in the purgatory state you’re trapped in, his body shaking and his muscles twitching. It was like watching someone turn themselves inside out when it finally happened, his body began changing before your eyes, an extra pair of arms sprout from the top of his ribcage just under the normal ones. His face contorts with an agonized cry and one half becomes unrecognisable, the flesh pink and hardened into some sort of twisted mask, and to finish the monstrous transformation a second pair of eyes open under his regular ones.

Drenched in sweat and breathing heavily as he cradles you, you hear him make one last promise, one that locks around what remains of your essence like chains and puts you into a deep sleep. “I will burn this world for taking you from me, I will become the King of Curses, and when you are reborn I shall make you remember, make you my Queen, I will bind myself to you to protect you,” It’s the final part that reassures you he isn’t losing himself as the darkness consumes you, “When I find you, the world will be right once again,”

Now it had been over a thousand years since the light in Sukuna’s life had gone out, reducing him to a killing machine that punished the world for snuffing it out, and he had returned once more in the body of a naive 15 year old boy with pink hair. Having been preserved as twenty separate cursed objects since his untimely death he was eager to resume his self-assigned purge, but the boy had more control over his body than Sukuna could break through, leaving him trapped within his innate domain watching through Yuji Itadori’s eyes like they’re windows.

“I had to do it at least once,” He grumbles to himself as the boy sits up, stark naked, on the morgue table, surprising the three sorcerers in the room with the formerly dead boy. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet, Yuji, come,” Gojo instructs as the boy slips on some clothes handed to him. “Another sorcerer?” He asks. “You’ll see when we get there,” The taller man beckons him and they make their way to a house on the furthest outskirts of the Jujutsu high campus, small in size and surrounded by forest on all sides except for the path leading up to the entrance.

A fire burns in the chimney and the house is warm when the pair steps inside, “L/n!” Gojo calls out. Sukuna’s attention is elsewhere as around the corner down the hall out walks a pure angel, her energy blinding and her form strong. “Gojo!” She smiles, “Who’s this?” “This is Yuji Itadori, Ryomen Sukuna’s vessel,” She bows politely, “Welcome to my home,” She looks back up into Yuji’s eyes as he smiles, “It’s nice to meet you!”

“Enchain!” Sukuna shouts, and suddenly he’s thrown violently to the forefront of Yuji’s mind. His trump card, wasted. He hadn’t considered the potential consequences, it had been instinctual and foolish of him. The girl didn’t know who he was, but he wanted to speak to her all the same. He would make her know. He cannot stumble, he cannot falter, not when she’s right there and all he has to do is show her, “Y/n,” He murmurs. “That’s not Yuji,” She frowns, her voice soft, “That’s-” Before the two can react Sukuna is on his knees before her, holding her hands in his and hiding against her soft clothing. “I’ve…” Gojo trails off, “I’ve never seen that before,” The girl doesn’t let him go, and he feels her power reach into him, feeling around in the darkest parts of his soul, “My Queen,” He mutters, feeling the metaphysical chains around his heart tighten, “Please, remember,”

A fast surge of energy from Gojo causes the man on his knees before you to react just as quickly, pulling you tighter against him and then seemingly teleporting out the open door into the clearing, “It’s rude to attack ROYALTY!” He roars as Gojo steps out the door after the pair of you. Sukuna has planted himself firmly between the two of you, “You sorcerers never learn manners!” Something happens when your skin next touches his, his hand shooting out to catch you by your wrist as you fail to keep your balance.

A flood of memories that don’t belong to you, in fact, ones that belong to him. You see yourself, weak and frail but smiling widely, Sukuna as he is in front of you now not as he is described in sorcerer texts. A regular human man with an abnormal amount of tattoos, fiercely protective and full of love for the only person who still sees him as human. You vaguely feel yourself fall to your knees as everything from the day he was exiled to the day you died returned to your mind. You knew that despite the life you had lived for twenty years, you were in fact over a thousand years old.

This wasn’t your life, this wasn’t your body, it was hers, but you are her. You can feel the chains, too, the ones he put there the day you died to ensure that you would return. “The world took her from me, and the world paid the price, now BACK OFF!” His words shake you out of your visions, his hand still clutching your wrist as your head hangs weakly.

“Come now, Sukuna, taking hostages isn’t your style, you know that,” Gojo bargains, “Let her go, and we can fight like men,” You shake your head, “No,” You murmur, “No, Gojo,” You finally look up into his eyes, slightly uncovered as he prepares to fight, “He’s right, I know who I am, I know where my clan comes from,” He doesn’t make a move towards you and you take the opportunity to speak again, “My mother was blessed, her child would calm the beast, but she had two and one was weak in body strong in energy, the other was lacking in energy but strong of body,” Your sister had been the one the clan records mentioned, nobody remembered the girl who died alone in Ryomen Sukuna’s arms.

“I am the Queen to Ryomen Sukuna’s King,” You breathe, feeling his grip on your wrist go lax. His energy dies away and he falls to his hands and knees, but the tattoos are gone. “Yuji!” Gojo’s shoulders finally relax and he recovers his eyes, “What happened? How did he get through?” “Don’t ignore me, Satoru,” You state firmly, “Sukuna will not be a threat while I am alive,” “Can you guarantee that?” He’s always been intimidating, but this man was a part of your training as a sorcerer, and he can be rational when he wants to be.

“You’re an imbecile if you think I’m going to go back on a binding vow,” Sukuna spits from Yuji’s cheek, the boy not even having a chance to get a word in, “She is the only thing in this forsaken world I care about and you’re not about to take that away from me just so you can pretend like you’re the saviour of humanity,” You don’t remember ever being as harsh as Sukuna is right now, but his rage fills you with confidence and admiration, “I can guarantee humans will not fall as long as I am alive, his vow makes sure of it, though I’m sure he would not need it either way,”

The secondary eye on Yuji’s cheek closest to you locks its gaze onto you, “Ever so cunning, I wish I’d had the chance to nurture your hatred towards the village, maybe you’d be more open to killing,” He sounds almost wistful, “But alas, I did make a promise, and I intend to keep it, no matter how idiotic I think you sorcerers are,” You finally move to stand back on your feet, helping Yuji up with a tentative smile, “It’s nice to meet you Itadori,” You murmur, “I’m sorry you have to listen to that punk, you come to me if he gives you trouble alright?” The boy nods, his previously cheery demeanour replaced with something mellower and he seems deep in thought as he looks into your eyes.

“He really loves you,” He murmurs in disbelief, “I didn’t… I didn’t think he was truly capable of love, after what he did to me,” You shrug, “It’ll make sense one day, but I’ll let him be the one who opens up, it’s not my place to air out thousand year old dirty laundry with people who are long dead anyway,” Your words hang in the air as Gojo finally sighs. The discussion and conclusion are finalised when he leaves, Yuji will live with you and you will suppress Sukuna’s energy. You will keep the world safe by preserving your life, lest another binding vow come down upon your departing soul and the King of curses be forced to unleash his merciless fury once more.

Sukuna is a little shit and out of character because it’s my fic and I get to write the male love interest however I want (I tried besties :( I don’t like mean Sukuna but I do love “I hate everyone but you” so that’s what you get) also I wrote this instead of sleeping at 2am, the brainrot is real and this will probably end up being a series because I can’t control myself

Part 2 here!

Post dividers from @cafekitsune

#jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader #true form sukuna #ryomen sukuna #yuji itadori #satoru gojo #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk sukuna #heian era #jjk x reader

[wangmiao]

im a honky ass white girl who's never watched any chinese cinema before apart from some wong kar-wai films - and I had never seen any chinese television! - but im superrrr into sci-fi, so that's how i ended up reading three-body. only found out about the tencent adaptation / cdrama last week!! I started watching it with engsubs just out of curiosity... it's soooo much better than the netflix adaptation wtf. like it's not even close!!! the respect for source material and the fact the cdrama actually improves on the book by fleshing out the characters more?? im losing my mind. netflix could never.

anyway. please keep up the great content, we must let the world know ✊✊✊ sorry for my strange message out of the blue.

(shiwang 5eva btw. but I only speak/read english so cannot read any of the fics... crying myself to sleep at night.)

hello friend! thank you so much for sending in this ask! i'm so glad that people who are not familiar with cdramas can still enjoy tencent's three-body <3! and you are so right about the characters in this adaptation even liu cixin himself thought so:

so if you already like wang miao from the novel, you have to try this tv adaptation!!! every other main character is well rounded too. and the decision to add a lot more to the relationship development between shi qiang and wang miao is a wise choice as well (shiwang 5ever indeed!!!). it is something that is not very focused on in the novel, but it totally makes sense, and it's a lot better than adding any other types of relationship to other characters.

also thank you for liking my content and the encouragement! i'll try my best. sometimes it's really hard for me to deal with a tiny fandom xD, and i'd take breaks before i'm mentally strong enough to post again, but i'm glad to see that some old fans are active again and we are getting new fans! i really hope that more international viewers will get into this show, and maybe there'd be more english shiwang fanfics.

and i'd like to use the chance to clarify to new fellow fans that i do post about other cdrama (occasionally kdrama) stuff even though a large portion will still be zhang luyi and yu hewei (shiwang's actors) related. if you are only here for three-body, it is very understandable. you can follow my three-body post archive @shiqiangs instead, or use the directory/tag list to look for old three-body posts yourself.

#three body #三体 #three body problem #the three body problem #3 body problem #the 3 body problem #cdrama #liu cixin #wang miao #kunsposts #ask/talk to me #anon ask

[onomatopagu-et-cie]

The Killing Vote (ep. 8 notes, part 1)

The Killing Vote (ep. 1-5 notes) The Killing Vote (ep. 6 & overall notes) The Killing Vote: more on Joohyun, Kwon Seokju & Kim Muchan The Killing Vote (ep. 7 notes) Discussion on symbolism with @mare-sanguis: hands, the ambidextrous angel and serpents (part. 1, part. 2)

I hope you had a nice week-end!!!!

I was fighting against my laptop (and on top of that, a nasty cold, my room feels like a fridge these days ;;): it had LOTS of problems with its ventilation last week (I have to come up with every little trick like stacking books under for it not to heat up, if someone has tips I’m all ears 8D)! It’s accompanied me for 8+ years so this little guy has sometimes trouble to load internet pages, to say nothing of taking notes and editing screenshots, it took even longer than usual to post, and I wanted to post it at least before the new episode aired haha ;;

I think I’m competing against myself for the word count each time lmao (TKV really is some rabbit hole material, I’m even considering buying a copy of the script if it’s available for sale one day haha), it got even longer, so once again respect for reading through all this 🫡 I have to cut it in parts, so I’ll list what each part is about below!

I think the three parts will be uploaded today!

I wanted to write some notes on criminology and TKV here but I think I’ll leave it for another post/reblog of this one, as it’s not that relevant to the episode compared to the many others in this post and it got already too long _ (´ཀ`」 ∠)_

Tldr: what is everyone cooking in this drama???? I’m losing my marbles, there are too many hints thrown in all directions, they all do some big 4D chess and you don’t expect the audience to overthink every single detail 8D???

Have a nice end of the week ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ 🍂🎃

(SPOILERS UP TO EPISODE 8!!!!)

Part 1

General impressions on the episode Official character profiles Lee Minsu’s tattoo Three pictures missing in Kwon Seokju’s house Choi Jinsu, Min Jiyoung and Lee Minsu « If I were Gaetal… » and a triangulation orchestrated by Kwon Seokju and Lee Minsu

Part 2

Jihoon and Gaetal Jihoon’s name Joohyun, Kim Muchan, Kwon Seokju and the Killing Vote « The moment you perfectly understand… » The Gaetal Kwon Seokju’s departure

Part 3

Joohyun and Gaetal More on Joohyun’s scar and expressions Joomin and the ‘firecracker smell’ Kim Muchan and Gaetal What’s still not addressed (yet) The ‘witness’, chronology of some key events, where the story is going

♦ General impressions on the episode

WHAT AN EPISODE OOF!!!! It keeps getting nerve-wracking haha

All the cast was amazing to watch, but Kim Kwon’s performance as LMS… w o a h, he was in the audience’s seat with us, entertained by the chaos he created, a true clown (even his mother was nonplussed haha) 8D Im Jiyeon who played opposite him as Joohyun dfhjvbfdhvdjhbdfbfvd (and let her live all the way through, no more death flags please ;;)

I have no words whenever there’s a scene involving the MCs’ quatuor or trio (KSJ, KMC, Joohyun & LMS) 🫠🔥

Jihoon was also really great, it was nice to finally see him in action and looking more open/expressive with his feelings!!!!

I loved the scene where Joohyun visited KMC’s home! It was a funny call-back to when KMC witnessed the mess on her apartment’s floor lmao

We finally got a smiling Muchan but………….. at what cost ⚰️

In any case, this cast is really the embodiment of the Spiderman meme lmao

Everybody is going to jail ayyyyyyyyyyy Ngl but the way the drama unfolds makes me think everybody in the cast will be truly involved in TKV in one way or another, since the beginning, the middle or in the end haha

According to this kr tweet (I have yet to find these interviews!), Park Haejin (KMC’s actor) hinted KMC isn’t ‘at first’ Gaetal.

Because there’s not enough context in the tweet, it could also be about KSJ (because it’d align with what we learned) but I believe it’s about KMC since the user implores the scriptwriter not to kill off KSJ — and I agree with them 1000000000% haha — ➾ it’d then make sense KMC isn’t ‘at first’ Gaetal.

Park Sungwoong (KSJ’s actor) said his character won’t assume the role of the villain in the story………. Interesting maneuver me says haha

Oh and also I found in the most random way the nightclub where KMC busted the drug scene (ep. 7) in this MV (I was looking for the new album of Whee In, a Mamamoo member, and curiosity got the better of me haha)!

It’s too bad I couldn’t get the name of the set but you can see the statue a little clearer, so I took a screenshot:

♦ The Killing Vote’s official character profiles

I didn’t get to read it until now, but SBS uploaded character profiles for the characters in TKV’s section.

Every profile is worded in a way that makes the audience suspicious of the character (a persistent, crazy, and competent lunatic, as Jodan said!), which is an interesting detail!

Here are some excerpts I found interesting to share:

→ Kim Muchan’s profile

On his relationship with KSJ: « KSJ, with whom he was close enough to call ‘hyung’. »

The profile clearly states he manipulated the evidence 8 years ago.

On his guilt and Narae's case: « Even to this day, there are countless sleepless nights where I still ruminate over my decision » ???? That’s what Gaetal said on their first broadcast in ep. 1: « It disturbs me so much that I can’t even fall asleep. »

The page also says he’s now determined to go after the culprit he failed to arrest then because of the wrong choices he made in the past AND the one who truly pulls the strings of TKV (배후 means rear/back/behind but can also mean by ext. mastermind ; this does not necessarily mean the 'true' Gaetal though mmmmh).

→ Joohyun’s profile

KMC and KSJ’s relationship captivates her. This isn’t even subtle, you can’t make that sh*t up lmao:

« 어떤 데이터보다 분석하기 어려운 김무찬과 권석주, 두 사람 사이의 묘한 긴장감이 그녀의 ‘촉’을 자극한다. » ‘The peculiar/intriguing tension in the relationship between KMC & KSJ, who prove to be more challenging to analyze than any other data, stimulates her ‘intuition/nose/sixth sense’.

She was admitted in the Cyber Bureau through special recruitment.

Because of the lack of evidence, the case of her family was closed as a simple drowsy driving and not DUI (and according to the drama, by a repeated drunk driver at that).

Her scar became the stigma reminding her of the injustice she suffered.

There was only one police officer (I wonder who that is… ?) who cared about her story and that’s why she decided to join the police.

Note: I believe the car crash happened in 2013, KMC was 27 at that time!

→ Choi Jinsu’s profile

See the point about CJS & Min Jiyoung below!

→ Jodan’s profile

It says he participated in various hacking defense competitions held by KISA, the NPA and the NIS.

He was a white hacker (even though he stated in the drama he was once arrested so it means it wasn't done within a legitimate context eg. contract mmmmh) and the profile states he sleeps during the day and like KMC, stays awake and works all night.

→ Lee Minsu’s profile

He actually had an artificial defibrillator inserted because suffers from a congenital heart disease (‘선천적 심장질환’).

The quote introducing his character does an interesting wordplay:

« 정의에는 수많은 갈래가 있고, 세상 모두가 인정하는 정의란 不在(부재)하다. » ‘Justice carries within itself various branches, and there’s no such thing as justice universally agreed on in the world.’

부재하다 means ‘be absent/missing’ ; because of denasalization, the ᄆ at the beginning of 무죄 (‘innocence’, part of KSJ’s catchphrase ‘devils deemed innocent’/‘무죄의 악마들’) might sound like a ㅂ, making the two words paronyms (ㅔ and ㅐ might sound similar in practice ; ㅚ and ㅐhave subtly nuanced pronunciations because the first one is a diphthong, but sometimes pronunciations overlap and are not kept distinct).

➾ This could be a fitting detail to convey the devils find innocence in that void/loopholes of the justice!

This also defines his character pretty well: every single moment of his life further encouraged him to gamble with others’ lives (eg. because of his mother’s excessive indulgence and his family’s lack of proper surveillance, punishment and care when it mattered). As in LMS’s notes, nothing altered the course of his life and everything snowballed. Note: I’m not saying it justifies/excuses his deeds of course, it only provides context and this dude definitely enjoys everything happening in his drama!

Interestingly, the Mu in Muchan is associated to the law (see the previous post for ep. 7!), AND it can also be written with the hanja 無 (무효 uses this hanja and means ‘invalidity/nullity’ ie. state of having no effect, often used about legal effects of a contract or provision for example), 无 & 毋 (없다 which can mean non-existent/lacking).

I said it in a previous post, but the Min in Minsu can be written with 泯 (망하다, be ruined/destroyed, used when JJW says No. 1 Fan ‘destroyed’ the person KSJ loved the most). The two characters are set as opposites.

→ Choi Dohee’s profile

Her introducing quote is also interesting:

« 인간을 지은 건 신이지만, 인간의 악을 재단하는 건 인간이야. » ’Humanity was God’s creation, but Evil is Humanity’s choice.’

Note: tricky to translate because 재단하다 means both judge (ie. make a decision by distinguishing between right and wrong) and cut out (ie. cut a material such as fabric/wood, etc. into a certain shape or size which is also visually fitting), which fits her character to a T since she deliberately manipulates facts to ‘reveal the truth more effectively with a provocative twist/seasoning to it.’ (eg. she deems her work with Joohyun as a win-win situation because both of their contribution were recognized in her eyes: she got awards, Joohyun was promoted).

Her character could parallel KMC’s reckless behavior too.

This aligns with the new episode and her overall behavior in the drama: « 그렇게 개탈과의 공생 관계를 만들기 위해 더욱 과감한 행보를 보이기 시작한다. » ‘This way, she begins to take bolder steps to create a symbiotic relationship with Gaetal.’ Note: 공생 means cooperation, but also mutualism and symbiosis.

→ Joomin’s profile

« I lack words whenever I think about my parents’ murderer who deftly escaped the net of the law in the past. It goes without saying that I too would choose ‘revenge’ over forgiveness. »

(I’m not even trying to think about the consequences if someone harmed Joohyun aaaaaaaaa)

→ Jihoon’s profile

He lost his parents at a young age and lives with his grandmother (where? Nobody seems to know given ep. 8).

Even though his smile is really beautiful, a shadow is always cast on his expression. He has no presence at all at school and willfully doesn’t mix with his peers (he’s an 아싸, something like an introvert in slang, it’s the abbreviation of the loanword ‘outsider’).

And according to the profile, he finds himself smiling before he knows it as he gets closer to the sisters my heart ;;;;;;;

→ Jihoon’s grandmother, Yang Hyejin

She struggles to shoulder all alone the painful story behind the death of Jihoon’s parents.

And gdi the picture they chose for KMC’s profile couldn’t be more red RED (like… TKV’s sign 8D), look in contrast with KSJ (they chose a picture of him wearing the blue prison uniform) & Joohyun (the background is white)!

♦ Lee Minsu’s tattoo

What’s on LMS’s tattoo? Besides the ‘My Daddy My Hero’, there seems to be some illustration/pattern on the top of the cross?

Because of the lighting in ep. 4, we couldn’t see it clearly:

(I’m tempted to say it looks like Gaetal’s mask: there’s some white figure/circle with two black dots inside!)

And this doesn’t seem like your average crucified Christ either!

♦ Three missing pictures at Kwon Seokju’s house

I don’t know if this will be relevant later, but when Joohyun checked KSJ’s house in the present, three frames on the wall were empty.

KSJ’s flashback of moments spent with his daughter (in ep. 6) shows they still had pictures in the past.

The drawing that was removed is not one of the two KSJ kept with him in prison, did someone else take it eg. Jihoon?

♦ Choi Jinsu, Min Jiyoung and Lee Minsu

I have a feeling Choi Jinsu was the one that was supposed to keep an eye on KMC.

In ep. 7, Min Jiyoung asked her assistant: « Keep an eye on KMC. Ask some of my family’s men to spy on him without the chairman finding out. »

In ep. 4, there was this exchange between CJS & KMC:

« — [BWT] is registered at the chairman of Samdo Steel’s address. You know his new wife is an assemblywoman, right? — I’m not interested in politics. »

Joohyun ruled him out of the list of suspects for Gaetal because he was a detective on the case even though he attended every trial and didn’t know KSJ personally (and we know all this doesn’t mean anything!)…

And in ep. 6 (the pictures below), a shot emphasized his expression (in KMC’s direction, no less ; he averted his gaze right after while swallowing even though it was too short for the shots to show it) at the mention of Min Jiyoung’s family running Seorae High School’s Foundation.

And he drops THIS banger ('He's always been a smart kid') as if he had personal knowledge about it (and it even made turn his team's heads) and he never finished his next sentence. KMC seems to have noticed that.

Note: by this moment in the drama we were shown Narae’s case and how he was by KMC’s side then, which gives us the perhaps mistaken impression he wanted to talk about Narae!

Choi Jinsu also said this to LMS when he was called as Jihoon’s guardian for an interview in ep. 6: « Given the severity of the case, we’re trying to keep this investigation as discreet as possible. When parents get involved, things often get more complicated. You know what I mean. »

Did his family also get tangled with Min Jiyoung’s somehow?

And we've got CJS exchanging glances with MJY in this episode's scene when they arrested LMS (the second set of pictures above!).

At the beginning of ep. 8, the drama also emphasized his reaction to LMS being caught on the CCTV at the funeral for BGC (more on that later).

And here’s some info we get from his official character profile:

— He has 20 years of experience in Violent Crimes (but he was never promoted while staying in KMC's team).

— He is surprisingly good at handling suspects’ interviews ie. he’s listening to their stories well and he’s a « genius » at building a rapport with them (yes, the drama always emphasized how Joohyun was to establish a rapport with KSJ but never brought up that detail about CJS, though he always sounds amicable with people he interviewed so far, which contrasts with KMC’s harsh behavior!).

— He ALWAYS (emphasis on always) uses with KMC the ‘good cop-bad cop’ strategy to progress in investigations.

— The character profile also highlights how he always follows KMC « wherever he goes » ; it also associates this expression to his character when it says he’s admirative of Muchan: « 무찬바라기 ». Note: it comes from the Korean word for sunflower, 해바라기: « when you add 바라기 at the end of a specific word, you mean that you admire something or try to follow that specific word like a sunflower that admires and tries to follow the sun. »

— Thanks to that (him following KMC all the time), police officer in every fiber of his being, he lately receives indifference/unfrendliness from his wife and child.

— For 8 years (after Narae’s case) he travelled with KMC around the country and went to great lengths to bring KMC back to the « central stage » (ie. probably hard-working to go up from the South to Seoul, which got KMC his bad reputation and also probably why CJS never got promoted according to his record when Jodan checked his background).

And this could explain a whole lot how:

He caught KMC at the forensics by night (because he perhaps followed him) in Narae's case ;

(a reach but) he insisted on KSJ murdering Narae's lead while coincidentally Min Jiyoung was trying to shift the attention off her son by uploading the video smearing KSJ’s reputation ;

This behavior that could naturally be explained because he’s also a father (so the case could’ve moved him viscerally) at first glance doesn’t align at all with how he usually works according to his character sheet nor with his sympathy for KMC (a previous scene expressly tells us CJS knew about KMC’s close relationship with KSJ, which was supposedly something a few knew about). Something might’ve made him change his habits.

He attended every single trial for KSJ’s case (and probably Narae’s) by KMC’s side while he’s not personally acquainted to KSJ (but the accused was related to Min Jiyoung) ;

BWT’s lawyer was probably made aware of the existence of the bunny plush (and KMC’s plan to fabricate evidence) through CJS and could take care of it in advance ;

For 8 years he continued to keep an eye on follow KMC after he was highly likely disciplined for this case (so that he doesn’t cause trouble for Min Jiyoung’s son nor her once more if we cross it with her discussion with her son). But it could also be out of guilt for KMC (if he’s involved in whatever is happening right now).

This scene in ep. 8 where he looked deeply disturbed by the camera footage displaying a person clad in black halting to hold their chest in pain (which LMS did in front of his mother once in ep. 5) and walked away. KMC also noticed and immediately called a colleague to look for a rope in plastic.

In ep. 2, Choi Jinsu randomly admitted to having not slept at all recently and wished to go home: « Let’s call it a night and head home. I haven’t been getting much sleep in the past 10 days. »

You would naturally believe it’s because of the special investigation on the Killing Vote, they must always stay on alert day and night and it must be really nerve-wracking. However he said so while taking a glance in KMC’s direction: has he perhaps tailed KMC for 10 days on Min Jiyoung/LMS’s orders? Mentioning 10 days is also kinda specific, unless he’s a man of details that always keeps track on time or has a specific date in mind. KMC also looked back in his direction.

In ep. 5, LMS bids goodbye to his mother in a hurry, at night: « Right. I have to be somewhere. I totally forgot. (…) I’ll see you later. » We don’t know where he went. ➾ If Choi Jinsu has something to do with this, does he report to him on KMC’s activities (which includes day and night since he works with him and follows him)?

Note: it must be indirectly, through someone else, that LMS (or MJY) gets his information, eg. Min Jiyoung, her assistant or the Commissioner, because CJS only recognized Lee Yunseong when he adopted his new identity (and face apparently) as Lee Minsu in ep. 2 (he went back to SK only a year ago!).

Did LMS then learn the extent of KSJ and KMC’s relationship through CJS … ?

In ep. 8, Choi Jinsu says he’ll stop by KMC’s at night after he learned he had the same dream again.

In any case, it’s not clear if CJS works for Min Jiyoung/LMS without trying to deceive them: he could go along with their plan to get around their vigilance and double-cross them with KMC.

He seems really admirative and caring for KMC, so things might be more complex.

(More on what CJS could possibly witness while keeping an eye on KMC in the upcoming points!)

♦ « If I were Gaetal… » and a triangulation orchestrated by Kwon Seokju and Lee Minsu

Definitely not missing those parallels between KMC and LMS:

This strongly feeds into the superposition of the two characters when it comes to KSJ and the subsequent indirect communication between the three: what is about LMS is also about KMC, and vice versa:

— What would be considered a ‘love letter’ in LMS’s point of view from KSJ, who was convinced KMC was Gaetal/No. 1 Fan all these years until recently, could be considered a ‘love letter’ to KMC in KSJ’s point of view.

It’s highlighted once again later in the episode with Joohyun’s comment:

Note: KMC is still withholding the extent of his relationship with KSJ to Joohyun!

— Wanting to see 'LMS' from KSJ’s point of view could mean he wanted to see KMC for this same reason. The end of the episode even emphasizes this line once again as KMC is thinking about the case at home and this specific sentence is played to KMC's surprise ;

— Also, KSJ’s words: « I wanted to see you because I wanted to say goodbye. There’s not much time left. (…) I wasted a long time in prison, because of one wrong decision. I realized too late that I didn’t have enough time to make up for that mistake. That is why I decided to meet you. »

Note: If KMC's wrong decision was to lead recklessly Narae's case as his character profile stated, KSJ's was BWT's murder (whether he regrets the act itself is another question, but at least he must be regretting murdering the wrong person).

Specifically sound addressed to KMC even though he’s looking at LMS, which leaves the latter perplexed (more on it below!). You also get this shot of KMC fully focused on KSJ when KSJ says these words:

The episode also concludes with KSJ’s evasion and KMC realizing he’s truly involved with Gaetal!

Was this 'lack of time' about KSJ’s imminent escape? Is this about something else (eg. his health, putting an end to KMC’s guilt by taking full responsibility, or something urgent about Narae’s case that’s about to be finished, like the statute of limitations for example?)?

The next part is puzzling (« I realized too late that I didn’t have enough time to make up for that mistake. »), like please explain good sir????

This is also a parallel to LMS’s conversation with his mother in ep. 5:

« — You know that detective, Kim Muchan. He’s a really funny guy. It seems impossible to kill him. He’s like a cockroach. (…) — You better stay away from those vermin. If he messes with you once again, I’ll kill him for real. How dare he try to get in my son’s way? (…) — Right. I have to be somewhere. I totally forgot. — Where are you going? You should quit school too [this line also emphasizes 이제, now]. You should get in shape first. Stop playing around. — This is the only time I can play around. »

Note: Will there be an upcoming surgery for his heart? Is his diagnosis getting worse/fatal these days, which is why his mother asks him to relax as much as possible?

— You could even say everything LMS wanted to be in KSJ’s eyes was what KMC was tacitly described as in ep. 3 ie. KSJ agreeing to the entirety of Joohyun’s description of ‘Gaetal’ corresponding with KMC:

Note: if you rewatch this scene, you can see KSJ react at the mention of a ‘fan’, then looking in KMC’s direction (who pointedly avoids eye contact by the way).

— All of this is happening when all the characters involved from both sides of the room know this meeting is staged for everyone to watch:

I loved that shot btw, KMC and Joohyun look like ghosts (perhaps privy to something we don’t know yet)!

-> KMC and Joohyun organized the meeting between the two so that they’d gain a confession from LMS ; unlike KMC and KSJ (and highly likely LMS too if he wiretapped them), Joohyun ignores the hidden meaning behind the ‘No. 1 Fan’. KMC was also gauging KSJ’s reactions (another sign he still couldn’t shake the bad feeling he had in the episode).

-> As for KSJ, dude was busy haha: He now has to face LMS’s fascination for him as he only did through letters until now (under the false impression it was KMC). He wanted to coax LMS into confessing he was No. 1 Fan in front of KMC & Joohyun (to shift the Gaetal suspicions off himself at the same time). Note: However, I think it’s likely he did that half-heartedly because he caught on that the suspicions came back and it’s not like he wouldn’t expect this meeting wouldn’t be revealing!

And whatever he wanted to communicate to KMC (and Joohyun) in cryptic ways!

This behavior triggered LMS’s reactions (see below!). It’s also interesting that LMS displayed strong emotions out loud while KSJ remained absolutely impassive with a frozen expression on the surface throughout most of their exchange (until he snapped).

-> Yes, even LMS becomes gradually aware of it: at first, he was wholeheartedly ecstatic at his undreamt of meeting with KSJ.

Look at this dude here living the Dream and twirling hair, you can see whole galaxies in his eyes lmao

But the elation sank once he saw the pleasure was not truly reciprocated by KSJ (I can’t believe I’m writing this lmao) and that’s from that point on he started to glance sideways to his left in the direction of the interrogation room’s glass panel ie. where KMC (and Joohyun) stands.

He did it whenever KMC might come to mind in his exchange with KSJ, which suggests he hinted at KMC in his answers:

1) « I enjoyed reading your replies too. » and a 'love letter'

After being accused by KSJ of being No. 1 Fan, LMS glanced in KMC’s direction and retorted ad hominem: « I enjoyed reading your replies too. I was worried you might hate me, but you showed me you completely understood me. I was worried you might hate me, but you showed me you completely understood me. It meant we were finally communicating properly, which reassured me. ».

He realized he was being used and decided to play with something he figured not even KMC would know the truth about: the letters. It could also be to show off to KMC he shared a correspondence with KSJ he was not privy to! He carries on that later with the 'love letter' and when he says « I felt like I was the only one putting effort into our relationship, so it wasn’t fun anymore. »

(More on the reference of the 'love letter' and what it possibly means at the end of Part 3!)

KSJ deflects LMS's accusation by stating he never wrote replies in the first place (the last pictures of the first column).

Which provokes LMS even more as he teasingly glances in KMC’s direction to deem them as ‘love letters’ (I’m so sorry it’s screenshot-heavy lmao, I just loved the acting here!!!!).

Notice how KSJ withdrew his hands from the desk (to put them underneath and fall back in his chair) broke contact/physically retreated as soon as LMS claimed these replies (love letters right lmao) were addressed to him:

Not to mention how LMS does the same later, when KSJ asks him if he’s Gaetal and LMS realizes the purpose of his arrestation (the camera also emphasizes the movement of his hands being dragged down along the table). It’s worth mentioning that LMS decides next to rile KSJ up by threatening KMC (more on it below!).

For what it’s worth, KMC, first leaning on the desk, adopted a similar posture once KSJ asked him if he meant what he said in ep. 7 (and you can see KSJ is clenching his jaw at the lack of a verbal answer).

2— « There’s not much time left? »

When KSJ says he wanted to meet LMS because there’s not much time left, LMS looks a little confounded and directs his gaze to the glass:

3— « Are you Gaetal? » and not No. 1 Fan

When KSJ asks if LMS is Gaetal, this bursts LMS’s bubble and he explodes in laughter as realization dawned on him: KSJ is not there for him.

4— « If I were Gaetal, who would be the target today? Don’t you want to know? »

LMS bitterly laughs to himself and decides now to taunt KSJ at the mere suggestion of harming KMC: he finally introduces KMC to their conversation even without having to name him, the (almost rhetorical) question is deliberately left open.

He even went out of his way to make a little detour and showingly drag his feet right in front of the glass (facing KMC & Joohyun) to get his point across. It’s the only moment KSJ looked not in control and troubled, and tried to gauge LMS.

And he loses it the moment LMS’s eyes train the slightest to the left:

5— « Ring, ring! »

And finally, when KMC stops KSJ, LMS regains his composure as he sees the former arrive and laughs at them when the vote is up (ngl the third to last picture would make great meme material out of context haha, it has the same vibes as that Real Housewives cat meme):

After this episode, you can better appreciate this scene in ep. 6 (first two pictures):

But at the same time, what KSJ says next becomes even more unclear, ep. 8 might add another layer to it (three next pictures):

— Is some part of his speech an act? His anger and regret sounded real, but he could’ve used them to redirect KMC’s (and everyone watching) suspicions off him.

— KSJ specifically says he wished KMC were Gaetal, not No. 1 Fan, if this detail will be relevant later.

— If he was honest, why would he wish for Gaetal when he’s supposedly Gaetal himself……………. ? Is he involved in the Killing Vote in a different way from Gaetal’s?

This scene between Joomin and KMC in ep. 4 can also be further appreciated (last two pictures).

That's all for the first part, part 2 is next!

#국민사형투표 #the killing vote #tkv #kdrama

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

fgfjhfhd BROOO I LOVE THE NEW ASK GAME!!! cereal, notes and days for character of your choice, have a nice evening/day love yaaa

HELLO MY BROOOOO im happy you liked it!!!! thank you for the ask, hope you get some nice rest tonight and love ya too!

cereal - how different are your breakfasts? have you ever prepared breakfast for the other? is there something you would never accept for breakfast, even if it came from them? for Belphegor

Chose him because he's just so sleepy during breakfasts I thought it would be fun to write about him for this one jshdsf In week days, having to go to RAD and all, he would get to the table and practically fall asleep on it. We would insist on waking him up so he can eat something, but he's so sleepy he'll eat a bit of whatever you put in front of him as long as he can tolerate it. In my case, depending on the time I have I might get some cookies for my colacao or prepare some toasts, just my usual morning. During the weekends, with no reason to wake up at any certain hour, I will prepare him breakfast from time to time to make sure he doesn't skip the meal, even if he wants to go back to sleep after eating it (and maybe drag me with him to get a morning nap)

notes - whose writing is harder to read? who writes more by hand than digitally? do any of you rely on making lists or using post-its on a daily basis? for Childe

Oh Childe, my dear Childe. If he writes something by hand he might just do it the quickest way possible to continue with whatever he is doing, especially if it's just a note to himself. If he's writing a letter to his family, he'll probably take more time with it because he cares more about its outcome. I think both of us write by hand quite a bit, but I do it more often as he just prefers the part of mission of dealing with enemies instead of papers. I also make lists very often so I bet he brings me post-its to the teapot so I can have them around and use them whenever I need. He might leave me some encourging messages with them, too<3

days - how often do you text each other? who is the most likely to send a random meme without context at 3am? are they more the type to text you a simple "good morning", run up to your house and shout it at your window or somewhere in between? for Luke

I think we would text rather often but it's so casual and like second nature that our chats looks like a never-ending conversation lmao. Sometimes conversations online get interrupted but that's because we meet in person so we continue talking about it but out of the chat, and other times we haven't texted in quite a few hours but he suddenly goes "btw, today I saw..." and there we are exchanging messages once again as if the conversation hadn't really ended before. It's just comfortable and it makes us feel like we are in touch with each other. About the good morning thing, he would be the type to knock on my door with something for breakfast after his morning run, meanwhile I would be stupidly waiting on my balcony, staring at his balcony while I wait for him to come out and see me to play some music and wish him a good day with random posing or something XD

#okie these are FUN :D! #ask #asks #f/o community #self ship community #self shipping #platonic f/o #all i write is about you #safeship #safeshipping

[running-with-kn1ves]

I'm crawling out of the bushes slowly....hello again. I sensed blonde yandere (miha) content and im here to ask about my personal fave blonde oc of yours...Yves the photographer.....my beloved.... I always picture him as a really soft and pretty looking boy w his long blonde hair and honey eyes, and the accent 😫👌. I'm sure i came here with a point but it's lost on me now that i have yves on the brain (a common occurrence really) i swear, you made that man too delicious 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 he has my whole heart. I sent in a request for him awhile a back and i was really super excited and im not sure if any of it made sense but pls dont feel pressured to write it!!! My overthinky brain is like....did i put too much pressure on you 😅😭 hahaha i just rlly love Yves and i want you to know how much he means to me. Precious lil oc boyo ☺️💗 I hope the first week of this new year wasnt too hectic for you!!!

Ahh the special boy <3 He's really underrated imo so i was really surprised by that anon! I'm SO GLAD you love him though o(TヘTo)!! I love writing foreign characters but it is sO hard when you don't know anything about the actual language. I've had like 3 people correct me on that piece and I feel like a damn FOOL--!

And also no worries no worries!! I'm slowly but surely tryna work on my request list so sometimes it takes me a while to post em 😅. I am a master procrastinator. Actually working on that one right now!! Though I hope it doesn't fall under your expectations, I'm currently a little bit burnt when it comes to creativity but i'm trying my best😭I'm very thankful you enjoy that odd french fellow <333

#knives rants #kn1ves rants #writing

[byloisann]

introduction post

hi, i'm new to tumblr so I'm not exactly sure how I want to format this but this is an introduction post and also my first ever post on tumblr. so exciting.

my goal with this blog is to share the parts of myself others don't really get to share. i want to talk about my interests by writing lists, reviews, commentaries, etc. I also hope to eventually start posting my art on here and finally start art projects I've always wanted to do. i'll post when i'm able too i guess.

✧ about me ✧

my name is lois👩🏾‍💻. im 18. she/they. demisexual & demiromantic. black american (w/ caribbean heritage 🇯🇲).

im currently a first-year undergrad student. i intend to major in new media with a concentration in amimation as well as minor in africana studies and possibly business or arts & management.

i'm a hobbyist artist (currently) but i've done some freelance work before. both traditional & digital. more below.

mtbi: intp-t

sign~ sun🌞; leo, moon🌚; taurus, rising💫; cancer

interests: art; anime & animation; manga, webcomics & manwha; reading; music/singing; kdramas; tv & movies; language; and etc. i wrote all about them below

✴ interests ✴

art: i've been drawing since I was little and started to take it seriously in middle school. i'm basically getting a practical art degree, took me a long time to accept i wanted to do art. more specifically i draw and paint but most of my traditional work ends up being multimedia (collage, colored pencil, etc.). i do digital work in procreate and i have clip studio paint but i still don't know how to use it...

anime & animation: i literally love it, I grew up watching it with my family specifically my dad got me and my siblings into and I've loved it ever since. part of the reason i started this blog. the genres i gravitate towards are romance, fantasy, mystery, slice of life, magical girl, etc. i'm big on shoujo and want to get more into josei. one of my favorite animes of all time is Akagami no Shirayukihime (or Snow White with the Red Hair).

manga, webcomics & manwha: I've been reading webtoons since the app came out tbh. but for at least 6 years now. i love explaining these plots to my mother, they are so crazy sometimes. um in terms of manga, i haven't read too many only of series of i reallllly liked so specifically Akagami no Shirayukihime and Akatuski no Yona (or Yona of the Dawn) but I want to read more so I started Bungou Stray Dogs. Also, the first volume of manga I've ever bought is Snow White with the Red Hair. my current fav webtoons/manwha are: stray souls, remarried empress, my in-laws are obessessed with me, from knight to a lady, like wind on a dry branch, morgana & oz, raven saga, maybe meant to be, and soooo many more. that would have to be a post on it's own 😅

reading: I really enjoy reading books and my goal this year is 50 books and these past two or so years I've had a focus in reading poc authors/poc main characters and i've been pretty successful in that. but again genres I really enjoy are romance and mystery.

games: i'm not a huge gamer but i do like genshin impact (haven't played in a year tho but i hope to start again), sims4 (when i feel l like it) and minecraft (when i feel like it) and like 2 others.

music: i love singing and listening to music. like i LOVE karaoke, i even have my own machine. i really enjoy music from media (movies, tv-shows, anime, etc.) soundtracks. genres I enjoy are: r&b, woman rap, pop, kpop, and etc. i mostly listen to the same exact songs for weeks at a time so i always fall out of the loop on new music but i always try and incorporate when i can.

kdramas: i'm adding this because specifically I watch so many of these and it's an interest i share with my mom especially. my favorite drama of all time is Strong Woman Do Bong Soon.

tv & movies: i enjoy consuming content. I love watching things from other cultures and languages. i've seen german, french, italian, thai, japanese, british, australian, indian, south african, nigerian media and etc. and very obviously american.

culture, history, and politics: i have interest in learning about others cultures and history but i do have a focus on black history, culture and politics 👍🏾. not gonna go too in-depth.

language: i want to be a polyglot but i'm too lazy but i do want to be able to be proificient in german, french and korean. my stepmom is german so my twin sisters will be bilingual and i want to commuicate with them, french because i've taken 4 semesters of it and while have to take a 5th eventually and korean since i consume a lot of korean media 🤷🏾‍♀️

others: rollerskating, dance, psychology/neurodiversity, health, fashion, etc.

~ random facts ~ (if you made it this far)

i love using emojis

my favorite color is ~ pink !!

i enjoy making lists

i keep a bullet journal/planner

i have 4 siblings (2 brothers and 2 sisters). i'm the oldest/first-born.

i enjoy going to museums

-----------------------------------the end-----------------------------------

~ i plan on making a separate post for my other socials or just ediitng this one. we'll see

but if you want to be mutuals or chat i'm okay with that. i want to interact with like minded people on here so reach out if you'd like.

#introductory post #pinned post #intro post #about myself #black tumblr #anime and manga #artist #demisexual #demiromantic #student #college student #langauge learning #music #tv & movies #reading #art #animation #games

[kedakirahei]

Woah. an actual, proper intro/pin post?

Hey! Yeah, I'm finally making one of these. about time, too!

I go by LITERALLY dozens of names, but four that I will always respond to are Zeph/Zephyr, Nirakeii, and Keda. im the guy who cant make up his mind when it comes to shipping characters

I am not religious and never will be. When I swear to something or the like, i most likely will replace a word with 'Void' or 'The ancients', 'Three Moons', 'By the stars', etc...

I am a self-shipper (Thats right- I ship my ocs and self inserts with canon characters). If you don't like that, please do not bother me about it. I don't want to hear it. If it bothers you that much, you can just block my account or ignore me. Thank you.

Transmasculine and bisexual, (male leaning)!

I accept everyone and anyone, xenogenders, neopronouns, homoflexible, etc.

...well.. almost everyone..

....Except for you disgusting Pro/Com shippers, Ableist, "Super Straights", TERFS, Shota/Lolicons, "MAP"/Pedos, Zoos, Etc, Get off of my fucking blog, NOW. You are NOT welcome here, not now, and not EVER. That goes for all other problematic and disgusting-acting people. if you fall under the general DNI list, do not interact with me.

Despite being English (U.S.A), I tend to be really fuckin trash at speaking my own native tongue. I am trying to learn:

Spanish

Norwegian

Proud Ragequit (5P x NSH) and SolarFlare (SRS x CW/GW) shipper

Sometimes, I project onto Pebbles and other characters i like/kin, so hope that doesn't bother you guys!

■ ♡ ☆ I AM A MINOR. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE SEXUAL OR SUGGESTIVE JOKES TO ME, ITS JUST COMMON DECENCY, DONT DONT FOLLOW ME IF YOU POST NSFW!☆ ♡ ■

stupid extra words and information under cut

• I was diagnosed with ADHD at a pretty young age, at around 2.

• I have a really bad time reading tone over text. Please try not to be too rude to me, it actually hits a lot harder than you think. Alternatively, use tone tags.

• I make AUs then drop it like a hot potato. please dont expect me to be consistent with anything, especially not AUs and art i make.

• If I like alot of your posts, its because i have no life and constantly check my dash every day. I am chronically online.

• i will have periods of complete inactivity, especially when it comes to my drawings.

• I struggle to control how i am feeling and tend to have outbursts of anger commonly, tending to take that out on my characters and sometimes others. Please know if i say something rude, i do not mean it, and PLEASE TELL ME WHEN IM GOING OVERBOARD.

• My askbox is ALWAYS open until i say otherwise! Don't be afraid to speak to me, i don't bite!

• I am a Multifandomic Mess. I might switch fandoms in a week, then go back or whatever.

• I use "Dude", "Bro", "Homie", etc in a gender neutral way. If you dont like these nicknames, Do tell me and I will stop calling you it!!

• i use "<3" platonically when i am talking to a person. My actual heart goes to the two fict

• Tag requests are okay, don't be shy!

• I am a big shipper of characters, and i mean BIG, i am SO INDECISIVE.... Artisaint, Pebbsigs, Artinot, SolarFlare and Rivunight are my main ones. I do like all other non-problematic ships tho!

• I repeat things on occasion. Do tell if I have repeated something over and over multiple times.

THE AMOUNT OF TAGS I AM GOING TO ADD IS PAIN.

#intro post #adhd #diagnosed adhd #Nirakeii Posts #transmasc #transgender #bisexual #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #tumblr better not delete me for being trans bro #lgbtq safe space #Rain world

[ddarker-dreams]

Your Johan fic oh my god...Im so happy I got to live the day to witness you actually writing it. My week is made fr. The way you wrote the monologue is one thing but the actions after is a whole different thing. Not only where you able to completely craft the dialogue between Johan and reader but also the impact those words do. they're terrifying strong and you managed to pitray it perfectly. Actually while reading what he said to reader it made me feel similar and very sad to the point I started tearing up mid way through the story 😭 but I genuinely think reader response is so beautiful, it's something that I relate to and you managed to convert such a crisis and long term pain with it's conflict into one fanfic that is just beautiful beautiful beautiful work. I honestly don't know how you do it. I have been following you for maybe 3 or more years and the way your writing has drastically improved makes me feel so proud even tho I am beginning to get scared on how well you depict these kind of characters lol. You have changed and became something so much bigger in such a short span of time it's beautiful. I am so proud of you and this recent fanfic reminded me of it honestly. this genuinely is one of my favourite stories now I'll have to mark it down and add it to my list and I hope one day you'll realise some books that I can add more to

i think i need to like ,, lay down because WOW what a message. my heart is genuinely touched by this and i’m struggling to figure out how to put that into words (any ability to write just flew out of my body). writing this story was surprisingly therapeutic for the reasons that you mentioned. i knew that to write an effective johan story, there’d need to be some of him verbally digging into the reader. i decided to pick a topic i’m extremely sensitive about to be able to capture that psychic damage he’s capable of inflicting (aka why i made this post). i was worried whether or not the warning “manipulation” could fully cover everything, because if you can even slightly relate to the way johan was coming for reader, it’d be ouch ouch. but i was hoping reader’s response would somewhat mitigate that. 

carl jung’s discussion about the shadow is what i was mostly basing johan off of in the story, specifically the discussion of it in this quote: 

"The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.” 

i think it’s imperative to come to terms with the more unsightly aspects of yourself, since without acknowledging them, they remain permanent blind spots. i was plagued pretty intensely with social anxiety disorder (along with GAD) in my teenage years, and something that came from that was like. this visceral want to be needed by others. the equation in my mind was people need me = i’m not annoying and it’s justifiable for me to be around. 

it took some later reflection to realize my obsession with self-martyrdom to solidify my place with others is Not in fact good, but at the same time, an urge i shouldn’t beat myself up over. of course we long to be wanted! who doesn’t? so long as we can check our motivations and keep this part of ourselves in line as much as possible, i don’t think it’s an ugly thing. i hope that anyone who struggles/has struggled with something similar can read the story and come to a similar conclusion. 

man maybe i’m gonna cry now 😭😭 thank you for supporting me over three years, that’s actually insane to think about?? it really has been that long hasn’t it... my understanding of evil has definitely improved from writing all these dark stories, i wonder if that’ll ever come in handy . mayhaps mayhaps. probably not. sometimes we need useless skills. i’ll keep working to improve my writing, i feel like the biggest help has been how often i do it and the fact i’m actually reading published books now JKGEMR i don’t know why i avoided doing it for so long. i’ve been so pretentious in thinking they had nothing to offer me omg. 

ANYWAY i am beyond grateful that you sent this in, thank you so so so so much!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

#social anxiety gang rise UP #sweet asks #answered #Anonymou

[journen]

Hey there !! I am very in love with your art! What are some of your favorite things to draw ? Also, any favorite fanfictions that have inspired you ??

Hey there Anon! Sorry im getting to your message late as well, but thanks so much for the ask and your kind words lol! So to answer your first question, I feel like a lot of what I post are my fav things to draw, so the overt answer may be a bit obvious, im pretty see through I think aahahahha😅. But to get a little deeper… I think my actual favourite thing to draw is compelling story moments I think up in my head? Illustrate the scenes that I think would have happened, or could be cool to imagine happening, that never made it into the movies/shows, or perhaps never would? The downtime that characters have in between the big action scenes, lol. I really like trying to capture that stuff I think.

Don’t get me wrong tho, i LOVE action hahaha, but sometimes the quieter, more emotional or solemn moments feel more enriching for me to try to capture? Idk if im making any sense. 🤣 But yeah, story is always my biggest inspiration for drawing so when i think of a cool story moment for a character or characters I like, that’s my favourite thing to draw!

As for fav fanfics that inspired me… 😏 YES there are many. Fanfics literally give me life on the daily lolll. Here is a recent favourite of mine that has been v inspirational in terms of pushing myself to get better at storytelling HHAHAHAH

Rapture by @galateagalvanized

This one was literally SO GOOD!! I read it about a week ago, and the world building, details, oc villain, and plot twists are all so thorough and well thought out? I was so impressed and invested reading the whole thing!! DEF RECCOMMEND!!! 100%%%!!!!

Anyways this post is already so long(im so sorry) so i wont list more, but if you guys would like i can do another rec list like i did last year here! I read fanfic daily lol, idk what i would do without it and theres so many more amazing ones — you writers work wonders and give us the stories we want/that are so cool, but never got lol. I am inspired by all of you on the daily!! Im shy with tagging but if you guys want it ill do it.

Anyhow thanks again anon! You are so sweet and i hope you have a great week :D

#journen speaks #i hope you dont mine me tagging you galateagalvanized lol #but seriously that fic of yours was so good and i was so invested hahaha #anon #ask #anon ask #text post

[stylesthebrave]

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 💚

oh hi!! thank you for sending this to me, julia!! hope you're doing okay!!

1. the stars are smiling

i mean, she's my baby, i can't not include her. shes my most popular fic and one of the only ones i was happy with all throughout the writing process, even though i somehow managed to pull most of her together within two weeks. i still love the story and im glad other people do too <3

2. lay me by your side

if memory serves me correctly, i think this was my first fic with a trans character that i posted. it was very very self indulgent and it's the shortest thing i've posted but i'm still proud of it. sometimes even i go back and reread it just because i like it (and i get sad someone send me a louis right now pls)

3. kisses like snowflakes

despite one big error that stands out to me every time i read it (harry saying that his mom lives in an apartment and then giving louis directions to a house lmao— i would fix it if i didn't find it funny), i really like the story that goes along with this one. it's how my parents met, with a few minor changes ;)

4. silver lining, perfect timing

maybe it's just because this one is still new, and maybe it's because i barely managed to pull this story together at the last minute, but i love this little new years fic. friends to lovers is a weakness of mine and i just love the pining, the awkwardness, and the little moments that led to the ending

5. Thrill You Tonight

aka my vampire louis fic. to this day, i have no idea what possessed me to write it but there has been more than one occasion where i've read the beginning of that fic and asked myself "why can't i write like that anymore?" so i feel like tyt deserves to be on this list haha

#these answers are not deep at all hahah im really just picked out the ones that i dont pretend i never wrote haha #asks #onlythebravest

[pagetorn]

A STUDY IN— 𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝒦𝐼𝑀𝐵𝐸𝑅𝐿𝒴 𝚁𝚄𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙶

𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙴𝙳  

I am slow. I try to reply to things within two weeks but every so often I get into a slump and it ends up just... taking a lot out of me. I can get exhausted from my job and it’s easier to just scroll and look at everyone else’s work. I tend to reply more to the ones that draw my interest and are easier to reply to. Those tend to be with people who I feel insane writing chemistry with. I don’t know how to write short replies so they tend to be multi-paras which take more time.

𝚁𝙴𝙿𝙻𝙸𝙴𝚂  

I tend to go where the inspiration takes me majority of the time. I reply all in one go, though sometimes, if I’m doing something else and an idea for a thread pops in my head, I’ll write it down for later and find a way to integrate it into the reply. Sometimes I start at the bottom of my drafts, on the oldest ones, and other times, i write the ones that are fresh and newly replied to. Honestly, at this point, it’s relatively random. 

𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂  

I tend to do starters a lot. I post a lot of starter calls as a chance for people to interact with different muses as a multi-muse blog. It allows me to gauge who people are interested in too so that if they reblog memes, I can send some in from that character. A lot of the time, the starters end up not getting responded to or die after a couple of reblogs, which is frustrating to me. But I also like posting starter calls for when i have new test muses so i get a chance to actually test them out.

𝙸𝙽𝙱𝙾𝚇  

Memes are a great way to get something started if starter calls aren’t posted. Sending in multiple give more variety when responding. Every so often, I’ll clear out my inbox if I feel too overwhelmed and can’t come up with a response that I believe is quality or can go somewhere plot wise. I hope that doesn’t discourage people from sending in something else though. The more memes sent in, the better it is for me to choose something and come up with a scenario that could work.

𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝚅𝙸𝚃𝚈  

I am selective. Honestly, I probably should be more selective than I’ve been. The purpose of remaking for me was to maintain my boundaries and only follow people who I intend to write with but I tend to give people chances when I shouldn’t or if I don’t see how we can interact. I don’t check my follower list often so I tend to check followers once a week or so. It takes time to read over rules, abouts, viewing sample writing, etc. If I don’t see any writing in the first 3 pages of a blog, I tend to not follow back. In fact... I think I need to go through my list and limit once more who I’m following because I feel overwhelmed by the sheer mass of people who don’t interact with anything I post despite me liking, responding to ooc posts, and generally trying to make an effort to show my interest. 

𝚆𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃  

I do not have a wishlist but I hope to get one started eventually. I have plenty of ideas that I want for my muses. Most of them are for my ocs which have the lowest traction rate here on tumblr, but who’s surprised by that. I’ll end up making a tag and posting it on my pinned post.

𝙷𝙾𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴

I struggle when it comes to ooc interactions. this does not mean I don’t want to write with you. if i follow you, i want to interact. there are instances where i try to hard, and instances where i don’t try enough. there are a lot of blogs that are incredible and amazing that i follow but if im exhausted from work or dealing with people from the outside world, it does affect my presence here. i am working on that.

tagging: literally everyone. this should be like.... a pinned post on everyone’s blog

#.mun // dash games

[irregulardiaryposts]

01:37 16/02/2023

Well... its obvs been a while since i updated huh. reading back on some of those .. some of its nice ig and some of it is quite articulate but looking back on some of it with my perspective now, idk its sad but also a little cringe lol. but thats the point of a diary to keep it cringe and truthful to how im feeling in the moment. well anyway

its 2023 woooo im in my second year of uni and things are pretty okay i guess. im still a litlte lonely dont get me wrong but im sure things will get better. um. ive got an essay due at midnight on the 16th (technically today) and im like a third through it? but the first 1/3 is the easiest part cos its just explaining the concepts. anyway im behind on a lot of uni work. for no reason. at all. like theres no good reason behind it other than i need medicated i guess. maybe i really should get meds im an adult now so im hoping they can. its genuinely really affecting my uni performance i cant get out of bed most days during the winter cos its so so cold. why is the world so so cold. my feet are also so so cold. can you tell im procrastinating :P unis still lonely but also i barely go anyway so what would i know anyway. i got some hobbies i guess. anime has revived my want for a tumblr blog so in november i made a new blog for anime ToT. its fun tho i really do enjoy it its so fun and silly and i can be as insane as i want to over fictional characters. better than twitter by a mile cos well yeah. it has also reignited my want to make art, cos then i can post it and other people who are also insane about the same characters can enjoy it too. even if its kinda bad idgaf. the whole 'oh shit two cakes' meme constantly runs through my head.

ahh anyway i also like playing video games too, or ig the difference is i have the money to buy them and a decent laptop to run them on. so that helps fill the void of community im missing. i really miss people. and im a huge introvert for the most part (unless im drunk but shhhh) but i miss not being in my room 24/7. i guess the theme of this update is i need meds ToT. not that it will necessarily be a perfect solution sometimes theyre not but ig it doesnt hurt to talk to a doctor about it. that depends on if i can actually get an appt ahhhhh. i dont have too much to talk about ig just that im alive and barely staying afloat but not actively suicidal so *thumbs up*. i really do need to write this essay i would dislike to get an extension because then i would just put it off again until next week lol. im such a good procrastinator :D this definitely isnt detrimental to my non-existent work ethic.

maybe i can talk about something thats itching at me from my philosophy course. my essay isnt exactly on this topic but i rlly wanna formulate some thoughts on it lol.

so we're talking about what exists in the world right? things people would easily say exist are things like tables, chairs, frogs, dogs, atoms and molecules. things that are a little harder to figure out if they exist are things like love, morality, goodness, numbers, gender. the lists are not exhaustive but that kind of thing. and there's this concept of Ordinary Objects(OO) and Extraordinary Objects(EO). the first list has almost all OO, which are defined as being highly visible objects right before our eyes (that do not escape our notice). the atoms and molecules make things tricky in philosophy as nothing can ever, ever, be simple in this subject. anyway. EO are objects that are also highly visible objects that do escape our notice. you're thinking how can an object, a physical object, that is so obviously in front of us, escape our notice??? well you're not alone in thinking philosophy just makes up things along with justifications of said things just for shits and giggles, and calls it a day, cos that's exactly what i thought when i heard this the first time. and genuinely so much of philosophy is just postulating and theorising about this thing and that thing but its done with such earnestness and sincerity that i get endeared by these stupid dead guys. ANYWAY. the existence of EO are obviously controversial (of course) and even OO are argued too. but yes what are EO exactly? the example given in the reading was a Trog - an object that is composed of a dog and a tree trunk. no, they are not connected in any way, and no they don't even have to be near each other but they can compose this object called a Trog. this is what you can call an EO. it is highly visible (assuming the dog isn't microscopic and the tree is not invisible) and it is right before our eyes yet we never notice it. well of course, who would? but the question is do EO really exist or is it a baseless theory. well...

another example of an

#oh well i guess i did try and update in between 2021 and now but i never finsihed my philosophy rant and i never will tbqh #because i do not remember what i was gonna say but im sure it wouldve been interesting to re read it cos i loved learning philosophy #anywya

[softlystarstruck]

✩ softly reading, oct 25 - 31 ✩

in which i list every single drarry fic i’ve read this week in hopes that you, dear reader, find a fic you like too! happy halloween 🎃

✩ - a fave | 🔥 - hot

spotlight rec

✩ What the Werbelande Wind Blew In by khalulu [M, 4.1k]

A snowstorm blows a pale and pointy person into Harry’s coffee shop, and brings poetry (mostly medieval) into his life. And then there’s the flying cock monster, the penis tree, and the warrior rabbits.

why i rec this: my english major heart SOARED while reading this! the medieval poetry is worked so well into the story, and im head over heels for scholar draco 🥺 and this harry who seeks things out specifically because draco is interested in them! i also like how characters beyond harry and draco are woven in, and the narrative feels much more sprawling than it actually is. this is such a heartfelt story!!

short & sweet (< 10k)

✩ The Darling Curse by @orange-peony [E, 9.2k]

Harry didn't mean to call Draco 'love' in front of the other Aurors, especially because they have no idea they're a couple. Well, Harry could always pretend to be cursed and use pet names with everyone. What's the worst that can happen? [HP Fluff Fest 2021]

Portrait of a Young Girl by @thusspoketrish [M, 8.6k] 🏳️‍⚧️

Recently married, Harry and Draco are tasked with raising a four-year old Teddy, whose emerging gender identity brings up an array of questions, fears, and revelations for them when they realise that Teddy might be transgender.

✩ To know the pain of too much tenderness by @cibeewastaken [T, 6.3k]

Harry is in love with Draco, and Draco sometimes goes on dates with other people, but it’s not like Harry could be bothered by it when he never told Draco about his feeling, right? Right. So Harry isn’t that bothered by Draco’s dates, what bothers him is when one of those dates knocks Draco up and doesn’t want the baby. [HD Mpreg 2020]

A Thousand Deaths by @corvuscrowned [E, 6k]

When the Kedavras don’t work, they try wooden stakes. When the stakes don’t work, they try blades. When the blades don’t work, the truth spills between them like the vast, churning ocean — eternity, inescapable.

✩ Slip Into My Lover’s Hands by @lqtraintracks [E, 5.9k] 🔥

Draco licks his lips. He shuts his eyes, because he doesn't think he can look at Potter when he says it. When he asks for it. "One finger?"

✩ Love Me (Four Times) by @lettersbyelise [E, 5.6k]

Draco knows Harry. He knows his strong shapely hands. He knows every inch of his body and how to take him over the edge. He knows his fears and insecurities. He knows Harry’s heart. Draco knows that Harry loves him. He doesn't need him to say it. Does he?

✩ Echoes by @static-abyss [T, 5.3k]

Kier Warden hates him, that's why he bit him. [H/D Remix 2021]

Limits of Earth and Sky by @jackvbriefs [E, 3.8k]

Again and again, Draco Malfoy returns to the public eye only to attempt the most challenging broomriding feats Wizarding Society has to offer. Again and again, Harry Potter watches him do it and wonders why.

Owl of a Sudden by @onbeinganangel [T, 3k]

Harry has his books, his coffee shop and Draco by his side. Everything is perfect. How can a job offer undo that, and more importantly, how can a small owl called Bertilak swoop in to save the day? [H/D Remix 2021]

Better Side of the Bed by @gnarf [T, 2k]

It was all Malfoy's fault. Harry could be at the Burrow right now, but instead he was trapped in Malfoy's tiny flat. All because that dick couldn't stop bothering him about a stupid life debt he didn't even care about.

Triptych by @graymatters [M, 1.8k]

One afternoon, a feather emerges, marring already-scarred skin. But what other problems lie unnoticed beneath the surface?

the post-war chronicles (in which harry does a bloody awful job at courting draco) by sometimeshipper [G, 1.8k]

Harry supposes the past four years of post-war quiet have been too good to be true. So when he receives an owl from Gringotts, asking him to retrieve the Potter family tapestry and finds out, subsequently, that Draco sodding Malfoy is his soulmate, he isn't as shocked as he should be. If only he could convince Malfoy just as easily.

Mile High Club by @anaxandria-writes [E, 1.5k] 🔥

Harry tries to convince Draco that planes have their perks, especially chartered jets with fully reclinable seats.

SHAG and MOAN by dracogotgame [M, 1.2k]

You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Music, Murder, and Mayhem by @nv-md [E, 1k]

Harry's in a mood, Draco's annoyed, and a whole lotta people are about to die. Or, why it's a bad idea to sell concert tickets to vampires.

pocket-sized (< 1k)

If It Were Up To Me by @the-starryknight [T, 563 words]

If Draco were a better man, he would not be standing outside Harry’s door, watching the rain drip down the silvery front window pane. Of course, if Harry were a smarter man, he would have left Draco to the soaking downpour.

✩ The Music of the Stars by @gallifrey1sburning [G, 556 words]

“It’s almost like music, isn’t it?” Draco looked down to catch Harry’s eye, seemingly unperturbed to find him staring, and Harry wondered if he’d known all along.

past ‘softly reading’ lists

#softly reading october 2021 #softly reading #drarry fic rec

[idy-ll-ique]

Paparazzi.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: TOO META, m*sturbation, mentions of s*x

Requested: nope

Summary: I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me... Y/N Y/L/N writes Marvel fanfictions. One day, Sebastian stumbles upon her account and, unable to help himself, reads all the stuff she has written about him. He didn't mean to fall so hard for her but he does. How can he not? She has shown him parts of himself that he never even knew existed.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay so a few weeks ago I read a similar (but dark) fanfic and I really wanted to write a softer version of it... Enjoy!

---

Same old, boring routine.

Y/N hit post and slumped against the headrest of her bed, sighing. She waited; a minute, then two passed and she noticed that someone had liked her post. She smiled to herself as she kept her phone away. Though boring, she wouldn't trade her life for the world. Y/N… well, she was a university student first and foremost but she was also a writer.

Being a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she had started writing fanfictions a few years ago. She posted them on Tumblr, where her blog, though not very well-known, stood out enough for her posts to get around 800-1000 likes per post. She loved it; she loved writing, she loved posting her stories and especially, she loved the feedback.

Sometimes people were rude, but most times, the reviews she got were fantastic. She read each and every one of them, smiling goofily as people freaked out over her fanfictions. It warmed her heart. A smile automatically blooming on her face, Y/N lay down on the bed and decided to go to sleep, it being almost 3 am.

Unbeknownst to her, someone else was up at the same time, tossing and turning in his bed, restless.

Sebastian sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He drank some water and lay down again, closing his eyes but it was like sleep was mad at him. Refused to be anywhere near him. He groaned to himself and picked up his phone from the nightstand, deciding to go through Instagram, hoping he'd finally fall asleep to the glare of the screen.

As he logged into his account, he skipped the activity page and went straight to the explore page. Bored, he continued scrolling until his eyes landed on a specific photo. And the breath escaped his lungs when he clicked on it; the woman in the picture was absolutely gorgeous. He just couldn't resist going to her page, smiling widely when he read her bio.

It gave him her basic information; her name, her age, the university she attended. But what caught his eye was the link below the bio. My Marvel Fanfictions Master List. Marvel fanfictions? She was a writer? Smirking, he clicked on the link and it took him to Tumblr. Of course, he'd heard of the site, but didn't have an account on there. At 3 am, his mind sure wasn't working right.

A post popped up on the screen, the same master list she had mentioned earlier. And his eyes bulged out of their sockets; damn, those are a lot of fanfictions. He went through the whole thing, smirking again when he noticed that she had written the most fanfictions about him. Not Bucky Barnes, no, Sebastian Stan.

He clicked on the first one. The date of posting was way back, in 2019. He started reading; nothing about it felt weird to him; he was intrigued, if anything. And as he continued reading, he couldn't help but imagine her being in the stead of the female protagonist. Her, the writer. The woman whose picture had made him end up reading in the first place.

When he finished the story, his heart thudded wildly in his chest. Wow, she really has a way with words. And he had also noticed how in the author's note, she used a lot of slang but reading the story had made him realize that she had an amazing, extensive vocabulary. He went back to the master list and clicked on the latest post under his name.

Posted: 15 minutes ago.

His breath hitched in his throat when he read the warnings: there was going to be sexual intercourse in this one. For one moment, he hesitated; did he really want to read this? "Oh fuck it," he huffed and scrolled, starting to read. The more he read, the more his shaft twitched in his pants. He wasn't really like that during… but oh damn, he wasn't complaining.

"Oh, Seb…"

His hand slid down and he rubbed himself through his boxers, unable to take his eyes off the text in front of him. His strokes got harder and faster as the sex got steamier. "Ungh, I'm gonna cum—" And he suddenly came in his boxers, groaning. Slumping down on the bed, he quickly finished reading the rest of it, going back to the master list.

He took a screenshot with the account's name in it and then went back to her Instagram account to take another screenshot. Keeping his phone away, he slipped out of his boxers, cleaned himself and pulled the covers on top of him, finally feeling tired enough to fall asleep.

---

Y/N was walking across the campus of her university, going to the cafeteria when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Taking it out, she opened Tumblr to read the message someone had sent her just then.

his-username: Hi there! I was binging your account last night, you write really well

your-username: Omg thank you!!!! I really appreciate it, I love getting feedback! 🥺❤

his-username: You're welcome! Especially your latest post, that was really good ;)

your-username: hehe 😈 glad you liked it!

Smiling widely, she kept her phone away and continued walking, not knowing that the person who had texted her was the same man she had written about. Sebastian smiled to himself when he read her text. After getting up in the morning, the first thing he had done was install Tumblr on his phone. Then he made an account for himself.

Figuring out the app was easy; he found out that there was an option to keep your liked posts and the accounts you followed hidden, and selected it immediately. No one needed to know what he did on the app. Then he went back to her account, pressed the follow button and started binge-reading her fanfictions again. Last night had he read only two, and that had left him wanting more.

Funny how much things can change in a night. He liked and reblogged all her posts without a second thought; he even read all her Bucky Barnes posts. She understood his character so well, put him on what he thought was an undeserved pedestal while writing about him. Some of the stories were AUs, which he found out stood for Alternate Universes. Mostly mobster or mafia stuff.

He had the day off, and he spent the entire time cooped up in his apartment, on his bed, reading. The more he read, the more he started fawning over her, over the version of him that she put out to the world. Dominating, suave and just perfect. He loved it. At the end of the day, he decided to text her again, hoping she wouldn't think he was weird or find out the truth.

his-username: do you wanna be friends, maybe? I'm new to the app, don't really have any friends here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That was a lie, he knew Mark Ruffalo had an active Tumblr account. But it's not like he could tell him.

your-username: Yes sure!!!! I was also thinking of making some friends on this app lol

his-username: You don't have any on here? But you've been here for years, haven't you?

your-username: haha yeah, but I don't really reach out to people much. Sometimes people leave their feedbacks on my posts, text me but that's that

his-username: Ohhh

his-username: well, let's start with names. Mine's Sebastian

your-username: Really?????? omg that's so cool lmaooooooo (didn't think you were a boy but 😳👀)

his-username: Not a boy, I'm a man 😤😂

your-username: 🤣 im y/n, btw

his-username: Y/N, that's a nice name

your-username: thank you!!!! So, what do you do?

his-username: nothing really that interesting, I'm in theatre

your-username: theatre is nice! I'm studying at [university] in New York lmao

his-username: Wait you're in New York? So am I!

your-username: ASDFHKSHKGF that's awesome!!! also I noticed that you've been going through my account the whole day 😏 notifications upon notifications keeping my phone busy

his-username: Oopsie?

your-username: 😂😂 I really don't mind, it was great! Despite the amount of likes on my posts, I only have a few loyal followers lmao gaining one more felt nice

your-username: You a big fan of Sebastian Stan? Cuz I noticed that you were only reading his and Bucky's fics 👀

Sebastian's face heated up.

his-username: kinda yeah 🤷🏻‍♂️😁

your-username: Cool cool cool, I'm a big fan of his too!!!! also got a crush on him but whatever 😳

Sebastian smirked at his phone. A crush on him, huh? That… was acceptable. He suddenly felt his cocky side coming out; the one she described in nearly all her fanfictions.

his-username: wouldn't blame ya, I mean, look at him. You have also written the most fics about him and Bucky

your-username: right????? damn that man has raised my standards. Anyway, I gtg now, I have to finish a paper before midnight. ttyl!

his-username: Bye! 👋🏻

He kept his phone away and took in a deep breath. This was the most fun he had had in years, and he was not letting her go so easy. He realized he was quickly falling for her; rather unhealthy, but he couldn't help it. Look at her. She looks like a goddamn angel, writes like one, makes him feel like one, do you really expect him not to fall for her? That's insane.

---

Months passed by like a breeze. Y/N and Sebastian had become very good friends, and he knew his way around words just enough to keep her from finding out his identity while not lying to her. Y/N also appreciated his friendship, because he was the one to whom she could rant about her most favorite man in the world— Sebastian Stan.

Sometimes, she thought about how weird of a coincidence it was that her new friend and the actor shared the same names, but then she used to brush it off; that was a common name, right? They talked for hours on end; Sebastian (her friend, not the actor) was extremely witty, smart and fun to talk to, she had to admit. Sebastian felt the same way.

His feelings had worsened. Y/N entirely owned his heart now. Somedays, he'd just go on Instagram, go to her account— her username memorized by him— and stare at her photos until he grew tired; he'd never get tired of looking at her beautiful face but his stiff body afterwards begged to differ. She was just so Elysian. He longed for the moment when he could meet her in real life.

His personality had also changed majorly, and people had caught on. Especially his Marvel co-stars, who knew him to be introverted, shy and, in Anthony Mackie's words, "boring". They were surprised at his sudden change in attitude; he knew his worth and Y/N had helped tremendously in finding it. Now, all those adjectives that she used in her fanfictions fit him perfectly.

Sebastian was never tempted to read fanfictions about himself from authors other than Y/N. No, he only loved her work. He was sure no one else could write as beautifully as she did, he was her #1 fan. Y/N even sent him funny Marvel memes she found on the app and he used to enjoy them heartily; God, the others have no idea what they're missing out on. Our fans are awesome.

Everything was going well.

Until one day.

Sebastian was getting bored at home, so he decided to go to the nearby library to clear his mind. He had read not one book in the past few months, hung up on Y/N's fanfictions. At this point, he was obsessed with her and he knew it. It was nothing dark, per se, it was— it was similar to how Y/N was attracted to Sebastian. How she was a fan of his work.

Just the same. He was a fan of her work in the same way. Just how she was attracted to him, he was attracted to her. Walking into the library that he visited often, he gave the librarian a smile and ventured further into the dark place. He checked his watch; the library closed at 12 am, it was currently 9:30 pm.

Not many people were around, heck, nobody was around. He thought himself to be all alone until he heard it. A sigh, coming from a few aisles away. He walked in that direction and peeked around the corner, freezing when he saw the other person. Y/N? Her books were strewn all across the table as she sat alone at the booth, rubbing her temples.

"You okay?"

She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. I'm dreaming. This is not real. Now I know for a fact that Sebastian Stan is not standing in front of me, asking me if I'm— "Hello?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I, uh— I'm— h-hi," she stammered and he almost chuckled. "Hi." She gulped visibly and blinked at the table, not meeting his eyes.

"Can I have a seat?" He wants to sit with me?! "Y-Yes, sure, sir," she blurted out and he easily slid into the booth next to her. "Hey, please, call me Sebastian. What's your name?" He gave her a friendly smile, even though all he wanted to do was push her back into the booth and kiss her wildly. His shaft twitched just by thinking about it; Y/N was a thousand times more beautiful in person.

"I'm Y/N, it's very nice to meet you, I'm… I'm a fan," she admitted, playing with the ring she wore on her left thumb. I'm your fan too, sweetheart, the biggest one. "Y/N, nice name. You come here often? I haven't really seen you around." She shook her head. "Oh no no, I moved to this part of the city just a week ago, this is my first time here. The library is cozy," she shrugged, easing out of her tense position.

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, I know, this place is awesome. Got all my favorite books here," he chuckled and she smiled at him. "What's all this?" A groan left her lips. "Ugh, stupid university work. I have to write a book report but I don't even know what to write about." He smiled gently. "Well, I have a few favorite books, would you like some suggestions?"

"Oh, please! Tell me!"

He started listing some of his favorite works and Y/N noted the names down until he said the last name. At that, she froze. That's the name of my latest— She looked up but he had a smile on his face. "Oh, and the last one is by my favorite author." He took a pause. "Y/N Y/L/N." She froze completely, staring at the man with her jaw dropped.

Sebastian grinned. "We finally meet, Y/N, I've been waiting for months." Her mouth opened and closed several times as she recalled every interaction she had had with her online best friend— scratch that— her celebrity crush. All the times she had confessed her love for Sebastian Stan, all the dirty and inappropriate memes that she'd sent him…

Embarrassment flooded her entire body as she exhaled shakily. "It was you," she croaked out, "On Tumblr, the account— I'm so sorry—" Sebastian frowned in confusion when she blinked back sudden tears, a few still rolling down her cheeks as shame replaced embarrassment. "Y/N, please don't cry…" She looked up at him, his figure blurry due to her tears.

"You've read everything, haven't you? I just— I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable—" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Y/N couldn't hug back, though she appreciated the hug especially since it came from him. "You don't know how much you mean to me, doll," he mumbled into her shoulder, using the nickname she often used in the stories she wrote about him. He grew accustomed to it easily.

"Huh?"

He pulled away to wipe her tears. "It was an accident," he admitted, "But I stumbled onto your Instagram account from my explore page. Then I clicked on your account, saw that you wrote Marvel fanfictions and I just couldn't resist the urge to read what you had written. Blame it on 3 am me, to be honest. You're a great writer, and I was immediately drawn to your works. They're awesome.

"They've helped me so much in the past few months. You see this changed attitude that everyone's been talking about lately? All because of you, sweetheart. I'm sorry for keeping my identity secret, but after reading your works, I knew I had to get closer to you. I made the Tumblr account just for you, just so I could talk to you. I'm sorry for lying, but thank you."

Y/N dumbfoundedly stared at him for a few moments, her heart beat getting steady with each thump. Here was a man she admired, loved more than anyone else in the world, telling her that he harbored the same feelings for her. How crazy was that?! Not trusting her words, she simply pulled him into another hug. Sebastian wrapped his arms tight around her, pulling her flush against him.

"Can I kiss you, doll?"

She slowly pulled away from him and nodded, shyly biting her lip. Grinning at the endearing gesture, Sebastian cupped her face and leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss grew hungry in a matter of seconds, and Y/N responded just as eagerly. His hands slid down to her waist and tugged on it, pulling her on his lap. She straddled his thighs as they continued kissing.

"Fuck," he groaned when they finally pulled away from each other, out of breath and panting. "You see what you do to me, doll?" Sebastian spoke huskily as he took her hand, placing it right on top of the tent that was forming in his pants. "Oh," Y/N whimpered when she felt him, the sound going straight to his shaft. "How about I take you home and we recreate some of the scenes from your stories, hm?"

"O-Okay."

"Good girl."

---

A/N: What a meta experience 🤡 Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan characters #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

[sparring-spirals]

I can't believe I forgot about Fy'ra Rai!!!!! The guest battle royal with her was a week ago!!!! Anyways, would it by any chance be possible to see the in depth analysis you mentioned in the response to my previous ask? As well as the angstier ones? I want to hear everything. I love cr meta, and you're one of better cr meta writers I've found on this wonderful hellsite.

Oh Fy'ra Rai was exquisite in the battle royale. :'D Anjali's delivery with her is top notch.

Oh! Well first of all- thank you, so much, that's really fucking cool to hear!! :'D Fantastic meta was what actually first drew me into the fandom + made me start following more people, and start posting more. So: You're in luck, there are a Ton of fantastic meta writers for CR, and also I'm really, really honored I'm doing the same for others now. hell yeah.

(At some point I might scribble out a recommendation list of some of my faves, but if you traipse through the #character meta tag here you're bound to find a few you'll like, I'm sure. Seriously talented people abound.)

And uh- listen. If you're sure! Sure! :D Fair warning that since its basically three different half finished posts mashed into one:

1- its long.

2- its even less edited than normal, so flowery as hell, long winded, rambly, potentially misspellings here and there.

There are bits that I've pulled out potentially to write a separate meta on (aka dorian feelz), but this is the gist of it. I labelled it to help break it up a bit!

this gem

wait this concept is funny so im moving it to the top: the exu trio dynamic is just two people affectionately looking at the third with a mix of love and concern and then looking at each other like "can u get a load of this". except in all combinations. thats it.

exu vibes, aka party of few braincell many love

I keep thinking about the EXU party, and the way they really, really, just liked each other. Everyone in the party was- lonely, or newly alone, or missing people. No session 0 pairs, just people missing a sister or feeling isolated or grieving, or running, terrified. And they came together and got blackout drunk and like- their intro is a domestic morning and a pissing contest. The EXU party liked each other so much. Right off the bat. They were terrified and panicking and they were also having a fucking blast, with each other. Doing orange-peel slice smiles. Performing for crowds. Sticking hands into ash-holes. And then I think about them split in two, Opal and Dariax somewhere together (if they were going to leave it to one person to keep her company, best to leave it to Dariax, armed with a sense of optimism like a mallet, as stubborn as it is hopeful). And thinking about the EXU trio, losing any more of themselves? A tripod without one of its legs? They like each other so much. They lean so close on each other. Please, dont rip them apart any further :(

exu vibes but angsty

(Even if they all come back together, their worlds have been so different, their experiences. Even if they all make it out. Even if they're all okay. Which is the way of things, sometimes, but Im also thinking about that first meeting, Opal yelling "FOOOOOOD" and everyone failing to interrogate a "gardener". Itll never be exactly the same, I know, so all we can hope for is everyone being okay enough to fondly remnisce on those times as well.)

(and I keep thinking about Dorian, running and running and unfurling from his shell, learning to lean on his friends, learning to express himself, learning, growing, happy. Having to rip that down. For a little while, he was happy. Safe. Overjoyed. Just a little while. Of course he couldn't have it forever, right?)

(Im really sad about dorian actually but that might need to be its own meta)

dorian and orym, tired dads

Dorian and Orym very much had the "tired team dads" vibe during EXU (they were the only ones who seemed to consistently hold the brain cells), which was already delightful. But there was still a formality there, I think, and they didn't fully trust each other, which is how you end up with them nearly getting into a fight over the crown in early EXU days. But fast forward to C3, with Fearne between them gleefully causing mayhem wherever they go, and its just. There's a sort of settled comfort, that wasn't there before. They've already weathered some Shit with each other, they don't know everything about each other but they get each other, they trust each other, they love each other- all still undercut with a sort of shared, tired amusement. For two characters who are (Relatively) reserved, and guarded, sharing a knowing look over the head of Fearne is- its good! :)

fearne is third leg of tripod and also steals tripod

Not to say that Fearne is just an addendum to the two of them, because oh god no. Fearne would never. Fearne is a fae, and Fearne is Fearne, which means she loves Mayhem and Chaos and Problems, but she loves Dorian and Dariax too. She enjoys teasing them, yes, and giving them mild conniptions, but you also see her giving them healing, getting sad at the prospect of being separated. Fearne collects trinkets, and that means them, too. They're hers, and she's theirs (as much as anyone can Have Fearne), and she loves them.

dorian and dariax, liar and a fool

Oh, and Dorian and Dariax. The more we learn about Dorian the more I love their interactions in EXU. Dorian, running from expectations and shackles, meeting Dariax who would never ask for anything more of you than what you are. Dorian, made of 20 lies stitched together and chock full of anxiety, meeting Dariax, whose worldview is so, so, simple, and honest, who thinks Dorian is cool as hell, who likes Dorian for him. And Dariax, who is used to being underestimated and mocked, being treated kindly and sincerely and with respect from this fancy blue boy. The Double D's (YES they coined this themselves) were just. Agh. Fucking pure. Okay. They both called out for each other by instinct at different points in the campaign and like. Goddammit.

fearne you wanted to bring opal to the ocean

also Fearne liked Opal A Lot. Like. Goddamn. Theres something about that, the way Fearne is untouchable until she very suddenly isn't.

pretty pretty rich kids with the world on their shoulders

Dorian and Opal were like. I feel like its well summed up by the two of them banding together early on and doing a "we'RE NEW IN TOWN AND LOOKING FOR DAGGERS" bit sums it up. I think there's a level of- not wealth, per se, but a little bit of Extreme Younger Sibling vibes coming off both of them. Of things to live up to and endless debts and expectations that they never had control over. I kind of wish Opal were here, now. Ready to get excied about a ball with Dorian. Ready to rip off anyones head that makes him uncomfortable. Silent and understanding about going home, with all the ubwanted eyes and expectations you thought you'd outgrown. God, I really do wish Opal was there- I think she'd get it, maybe better than those present can. I really think she would.

#I really come on this website and throw three million words at you all huh. hmmm #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e12 #exu trio #character meta #my meta #Exandria unlimited #party pals #dorian #orym #fearne #opal #dariax #fy'ra rai #shitpost #god I really am emotionally compromised by dorians situation so we'll see if I can get coherent thoughts out of that or not #anyhoo I am genuinely REALLY FLATTERED you like my meta writing. its really neat to have come full circle tbh. surreal. #speculation #spar speaks #ask away!