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#im sobbing omfg
I SHARE A NAME WITH A TAYLOR SONG???
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stevesbipanic · 1 year
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Steve's only 25 when it all catches up to him.
It starts off small, things people wouldn't even be able to tell is an early sign of something wrong. Misplacing keys, forgetting which day he has his shifts, what time he's supposed to get Robin. Robin notices though.
Robin knows Steve always keeps his keys on the hook next to Eddie's by the front door, that's where he always finds them, he's not misplacing the keys, he's forgetting the hook exists.
Robin knows Steve has the same shifts every week, they never change because they line up with Eddie's at the record store nearby. Robin knows Steve isn't forgetting what time he's supposed to pick Robin up, he's forgetting Robin moved away a few months ago after she graduated college.
Robin keeps noticing when the kids start calling her because the little things are becoming big things.
Robin notices when Dustin calls and tells her Steve thought he and Suzie were back together, "Like how crazy is that we broke up two years ago, I don't think I've even mentioned her lately."
Robin notices when Lucas calls and tells her Steve asked when his next game was, "The season ended months ago, he came to the finals."
Robin notices when Max calls and whispers softly, "He asked to take me to the skatepark, Robin, I told him I had to help mum. He's forgotten I'm blind Robin."
Robin wished she'd noticed sooner, maybe years ago when Steve was getting knocked around a lot. She wished she'd screamed in the face of those Russians to take her instead. She wished a lot of things when Eddie called her.
"He's in hospital, Birdie, he collapsed at work."
Robin is back in Chicago for the first time since she graduated. She wished she'd visited sooner.
"Do you think the feds are gonna let me go soon, Robbie? I mean it usually doesn't take this long for them to bring me the NDAs."
Robin hopes Steve doesn't notice her eyes going glossy as she runs her fingers through his hair, "Don't worry Stevie, I'm sure they'll be in soon, Dusty is probs just arguing over something in his."
"At least he isn't having to explain he raised a demodog. Did I ever tell you about that Robbie?"
Robin smiles softly, "Yeah but tell me again, don't want to forget any of it."
Eddie gives Robin the gist of what the doctors said, Eddie didn't understand much, a lot of technical words and shit. Too many concussions, more than they knew about most likely. They say it'll probably get worse with no timeframe of how quickly it'll happen, there might be good days, there will be a lot of bad days.
The first bad day comes a week later. Steve barely remembers Eddie, trapped in a time when Eddie was just the kids DM. Eddie sobs in the corridor in Robin's arms. The next day it's like nothing happened and Steve gets discharged. They tell Steve, this time Eddie is the one to comfort him.
"I don't want to forget you Eds."
"It's okay if you do, sweetheart, I'll still be here."
It's Robins idea to start writing everything down. Eddie, Nancy and the kids all help. Filling journals upon journals of stories and pictures of Steve's life to help on the bad days. Steve has to quit his job, Robin moves back to Chicago, they make it work.
On bad days depending on how far back Steve is Dustin or Robin or Eddie will read through the books with him, filling in the gaps of what he needs. On the worst days, Eddie leaves the pile of journals on the bed with a note and waits downstairs to see if Steve will join him later.
They make it work for a few years. Steve celebrates his 30th birthday with perfect clarity. He writes himself an entry in the journal next to a big group picture with Steve and Eddie's matching rings showing.
That July, over a decade since Starcourt, Steve is in hospital again. He'd collapsed at breakfast. Eddie had thought it was going to be one of their good days, Steve had woken up fine, all his memories in tact if a little fuzzy. He'd made them coffee and giggled at Eddie's singing while he made them eggs and just like that it all came crashing down.
Steve's brain is shutting down. They don't know if he'll make it past Christmas. There's more bad days after that. More days with books left on the bed. Most days Steve doesn't even come downstairs. On the good days, Eddie always calls off work. He'd rather be fired than miss a single second of Steve smiling at him like he does, so full of love.
They have Christmas, the whole family comes, they have to bring every chair from around the house and squish in around the table just to fit but it's perfect. Steve sits between Robin and Eddie, face bright and full of love and life. Everyone gives him the tightest hug as the night closes, all lingering, afraid of letting go.
"I love you, dingus."
"I love you too, Robbie."
Later, upstairs in their room, Steve and Eddie go through all the journals, laughing softly at each little note the kids have left. Steve writes his little journal entry, a tradition of good days, and curls into Eddie's arm whispering soft loving words to each other before falling asleep.
Steve never wakes up.
The funeral happens shortly after, all of the family is still in town. Robin holds Eddie afterwards as they go through the journals together. When they get to the last page, they struggle not to smudge the ink with their tears.
Dear Eds and Robbie,
I don't know how many more good days I'm going to get so I'm leaving this here for you now. I love you both so much, you're equally my soulmates and I want you two to look after each other while I'm gone.
Robs, go travelling with Nancy, ok? Thank you for looking after me all these years but it's time for you to go look after yourself. Go see the world for me, tell me all about it wherever I am when you get back.
Eddie, I'm sorry we didn't get as much time as we hoped, I hope you know that even just a day with you has been worth a lifetime with anyone else. Go follow your dreams, write music, perform, show the world how amazing I know you are. I give you full permission to fall in love with whoever you meet along the way, I don't want either of you guys to be alone.
Thank you for giving me a life worth remembering.
Your Dingus,
Stevie
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starrynightsxo · 2 months
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"I start to speak, but he stops me with a gesture. “And you.” He looks at me, his lips curving in something that’s not quite a smile; it’s more and less than that. “I knew little else, but I always knew you.” And when he kisses me, I feel as though I can finally breathe again."
- Cardan Greenbriar, The Queen of Nothing
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orxheus · 7 months
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hi it's me, again, ahaha
𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗬: can i sleep with you ?
𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥: percy this is a king sized bed. it means it's for ( vaguely gestures himself ) the king.
common sense, duh 🙄
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multi-fandom31 · 9 months
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FINALLY OMFG IM CRYING
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eggbertith · 1 year
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"i'm not good at people. but i am good at tech. i thought, maybe, if i could use tech to help you, you would like me."
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ruanais · 1 month
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A ANOUNCEMENT !!! EDITED : I’m not gonna deactivate it cause I just realised I’m too attached to this blog help-
hello !! I’m here to make a important announcement <3 so !! okay this might come as a shock, but I will be leaving @/ruanais ( a few days later cause I need time to clean things up ) !! T-T I’m really sorry but I simply don’t have the time or dedication to this blog anymore :( every single one I’ve ever met on this account was rlly nice esp my mutals and I’m so glad I got to meet every one of you <3
@silverbladexyz : gosh, we’ve been mutals for quite a while Huh ? I’m so grateful to you even tho we don’t rlly talk much anymore sihdjsjdjsjahhsjsj thank u for being with me after all this time !! :D
@justcallmesakira : we haven’t talked tooo much but I’m happy to have met you !! your works are amazing and I hope you’ll continue to grow <3 mwah !
@yuukimiyas : I’ve always looked up to you as one of my favourite writers so imagine my surprise when you followed me !! :0 your posts always make me rlly happy !! :D
@chuuyrr : I’ve always loved ur chuuya’s fics and they’re just so ??????? they’re my meal for three times a day Frfr !! :3
@sinmalssimp : raven, I’m really proud of you for being able to be so strong <3 you’re going amazing and I hope you’ll have a amazing life !!
@yuutx : thank u for being my mutal for so so long as well !!!!! you’re such a nice and kind person and you’re like a younger sister to me <3
@gojoath : cella !! omfg ur one of the people who managed to get me back into jujutsu kaisen T^T ur works r absolutely gorgeous and ur yuta series ?!?!???? chef’s kiss -///-
@vrachis : one of my og mutals ever since I started tumblr ! :3 also thank u for getting me into v tubers cause now im watching their streams whenever I can LMAO
@aureatchi : you and red are never ever going to beat the twin allegations tbh, even the abilities u suggested to me were the same so :3 and even ur names are similar :0 anyways ! rev, thank u for being my mutal !! you’re genuinely so so so nice and T^T ur like a younger sister to me as well <3
@cheriiyaya : red, you’re just like reverie so it’s like copy and paste except that youre more chaotic and I love your energy !!! i always laugh whenever I see ur url cause of that meme- fjdjjsjskjsj lol but you’re a younger sister too so !!! :D but yeah, I loved having convos with u !! you’re such a easy perosn to ramble to and thank you for listening to my thoughts that make no sense whatsoever !!
@rusmii : ruru !! firstly !! congratulations on 600+ honey !! you’re almost there to 1k aahhh !! we haven’t talked much but you’re such a nice person as well :(
@culturity : kady, ur such a sweetheart tbh and I always feel happy whenever I see ur posts on my dash <3 I hope that everything goes well for you in life cause you deserve it !!
@m0uchie : EMI !! you’re rlly nice and I light up whenever I see u in my inbox or notifs sjsjsbsksjjssjs I rlly wished we talked more tbh :( but we still had fun together <3
@riiwrites : riri you’re one of the people I’m closest to on tumblr and I’m so so happy I got to meet such a amazing and kind person as u !! thank u sm for everything honey !!
@beasalmeh : okay !! you’re a rlly chaotic and goofy person that I love to talk to !! seeing your messages always make my day and it’s so fun to have a conversation with you :D
@dazaisslave : ichika, you’re such a sweet friend to me and I dont and never did deserve someone like you :( thank u for everything <3
for the other mutals I didn’t add cause I’m a lazy fuck or we didn’t talk much or just became mutals so I don’t know anything abt u or we are mutals but we haven’t talked in a long time so it would be awkward + my dear followers : thank you as well ! all of you helped me in my growth as cringy as it sounds lmao sibdjshsjsjdj I could never ever have gotten to 100+ followers without u guys and I’m genuinely gonna miss u guys so fucking much :(
— ur dearest rua <3
also u guys, surprise announcement I’m not single anymore <: ur girl rua got a bf !!!!!! ahem !! but yeah !! hehe :3 I fulfilled one of my dreams !!!!!!! :D I CAN FINALLY TELL MY FRIENDS IM SOMEONE WHO GETS BITCHES 😍 /j
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v-exian · 3 months
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lunearobservatory · 8 months
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Hmm. Tragic caliyork. I can fuck these guys up so bad.
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thatonesoso · 28 days
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So...Murder Drones episode 7 huh
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stevesbipanic · 1 year
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Thank you @undreaming-fanfiction for bouncing ideas off with me ❤️❤️❤️
After the blood and screams and after the funeral and after the emptiness of another not quite end to things Steve finds himself missing Eddie. He knows he didn't really know Eddie, but maybe that was the problem. In those few days he had found himself enjoying Eddie's company, wishing he'd taken Dustin up on the offer and met him sooner maybe even back in high school. Now he never would.
Steve finds himself wanting to know everything he can about Eddie. It starts with the kids, under the guise of working through the loss he gets them to share their stories about the metalhead. Then he asks Robin about her memories of Eddiex there's not many but there's a few funny stories about his brief stint in band. He helps Wayne rebuild and while it hurts them both he asks what Eddie was like growing up.
This all leads to him standing outside Gareth's garage asking for Corroded Coffin tapes. He doesn't want to forget Eddie's voice. He wants to hear it every day and this is the only way he can. Gareth can see the pain behind Steve's eyes and so he agrees.
Steve spends hours listening to them over and over. Eddie doesn't always sing in them, but when he does it's beautiful. Steve wishes he could've seen his concerts. Sometimes he hears Eddie mumbling in the background abkut a tune or a change in the song. Sometimes Eddie's voice is clearer, like when he's turning the tape on or off, when he's close to the recorder.
There's one tape left in the box. It's the last piece of Eddie Steve will ever hear. Everything else from now on will just be memories and replays. Steve looks at the tape for an unknown amount of time. It feels like this is losing Eddie all over again. Like it's Eddie's last words to him, something that's already burned into a much more painful memory. The tape might not even have Eddie on it much.
So Steve puts it in and presses play.
It starts like all the other some tune they'd been practicing, then they stop, and Steve hears Eddie walk over to turn off the tape, Steve silenibegs him not to go, to just stay a little longer.
Someone says something in the background, Steve assumes it was a joke because Eddie laughs, the only tape in the whole box that Eddie laughs in and it's that big dumb laugh he always did, Steve can see that big smile and bright eyes in that laugh.
Then the tape clicks off.
It's so quiet in his room.
And Steve finally cries.
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beauleifu · 6 months
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WHO WANTS TOXICINSANITY ANGST
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kuro-teni · 9 months
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Finally finished watching good omens and even though i knew the ending it still just hits and stabs you in the chest so fucking hard
I am currently blasting a nightingale sang in berkeley square in the corner of the room
Omfg good omens season 2 is just ruining me
I love beelzebubs and gabriels speedrun relationship though
They look so cute and just perfect with each other
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schoenht · 1 month
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whaddafuq who let the links connect to actual google chrome who is the idiot that updated tumblr for that <- procrastinator.
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dragonartist56 · 27 days
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So
I just finished Frontiers of Pandora for the first time
I uh…
I hope you guys aren’t expecting me to be normal
Because…
I won’t be :’)
Uh
Spoilers in the tags
Also
Also a l o t of screaming
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gnomeboops · 1 month
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just finished young royals and i'm truly regretting wearing my shitty non-waterproof mascara today because holy shit!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!
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