#im walking there and the guilt is gnawing at me. i get it so easy compared to everyone else | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violetnotez · 3 years

Note

hi! may i pls make a request for bokugo, todoroki and midoriya hcs on what they would do if they had to vs their secret crush in the 1v1 ua sports festival arc? i hope you have a great day!!🥺

Hi babe! Im so sorry it took so long to make these, but I literally couldn’t stop thinking about this idea cause it was so fricking cuttteeeeeeeee

I did headcannons as well as a short one shot right after, I hope thats alright! <3

Music Genre: Pop | BNHA

Characters: Bakugo, Shoto, Izuku

Warnings: cussing

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Bakugo

This dude right here ^^^

Sorry but-hes not gonna be too kind

Bakugo most deifnitely is denying every single damn sign that he has a crush on you

He deifnitely doesn’t stare at you for way too long during class, or doesn’t smirk to himself when you got past this first round, and his heart didn’t drop to the floor when he realized he would have to fight against you

Nope, deifnitley not

😑😑😑 Bakugo stop being a shit and admit you have feelings

Kirishima was the one who first recognized his crush on you, and you know damn well he noticed Bakugo’s demeanor instantly changed when he saw your face flash against his in the versus round

When Bakugo saw that on the screen, his shoulders instantly stiffened, his eyes steeled, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets so no one could see how tightly his hands were balled up

Only Kirishima noticed the change in his best friend as his freinds cheered at the line up

“Hey-you okay dude?” He asked, his voice full of concern as he tried to place a hand on his shoulder

Of course, Bakugo being the little shit he is, shoved his hand away with his shoulder, standing up quickly

“I’m gonna go get ready for the 2nd round,” he grumbled, giving his friend a side eyed look and he turned his back on the stadium and going to the hallways to chill

Now, even though he was rudeeeeeeeee af, this dude is freaking the hell out internally

He wants to win so badly, but-at what cost? Something was different with you-he was okay with putting his all into each and every fight

If he had to hurt himself, or hurt his opponent to come out on top-that’s all that mattered right? But for some reason, the thought of hurting you made his body feel queasy and made him feel like shit-

this never happened to him, this possessive want to protect someone and keep them safe-this was such a foreign feeling that it kind of scared him

Was he getting soft? Was he not tough anymore?

He didn’t know what to do-go easy on you and potentially let you win, making him look weak? Or go all out, making sure he wins to the point that he hurts you-which would make him feel like shit after. Would you hate him after? Could he handle that idea of you despising him for hurting you?

These thoughts were making him so conflicted to the point of rage , and Bakugo being Bakugo, he was just fuming internally,

his digits were tugging at his strands, his fist colliding with the table as a curse slipped through his lips

He didn’t know what to do and it was fucking annoying to him

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ ✧･ﾟ:* ✧

“So I guess we’re paired together huh?” your voice echoed through the deathly silent room, the sound sending a cold shiver down Bakugo’s back.

He quickly looked up, his chest tightening at the mere sight of you leaning against the door frame.

“This is my fucking room-get out,” he grumbled, his crimson red eyes squinting at you at an attempt to look intimidating.

You simply rolled your eyes, a small smirk playing on your lips.

You had known Bakugo for too long and too well to get scared at his harsh words anymore.

“I don’t see your name on the door,” you quipped back with a grin, “and besides, it might be good Im in here. You’re so loud somebody’s gonna think you’re talking to yourself.”

Shit-was he really starting to talk to himself now?

Bakugo swallowed a clump of saliva, a pit growing in his stomach. If he was talking to himself-did you hear everything he had said? Did you know he was actually thinking of going soft on you?

You noticed how he stiffened at your words, a gruff exhalation of breath leaving his lips.

“Don’t worry, I was just joking around-“, You simply chuckled, shaking your head as you sat down next to him. “-but you still are really loud though.”

“And you’re still fucking annoying, as always.”

“Ouch!” You smiled, scrunching up your nose in mock hurt.

Bakugo pursed his lips, hating how cute he found you when you made that expression.

You didn’t seem to notice the way Bakugo was affected by your movement, taking a deep breath.

Something in your expression had changed-you no longer looked so carefree and relaxed. You gave him a concerned look, your teeth gnawing at the side your cheek.

“So is something on your mind? You’re usually always cussing someone out, but cussing at the air isn’t usually your thing.”

His feet shuffled under the table, his hands way more clammy than they usually were. So he really was being too loud- he needed to think of soemthing to tell you. And something realllllll fucking quick.

But he couldn’t-he felt like his was gasping for air, just staring at your waiting face. God, why did he have to actually like you like that? Now as he’s looking at you, something in his heart hurt-he couldn’t hurt you. He just-couldnt. He’d feel like a dick after and he’s never be able to forgive himself if he laid even a scratch on you.

Why was this so fucking hard?

You sighed, your tongue swiping your bottom lip as you look down at your hands.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine,” you looked up, your eyes piercing to him and making his lungs feel shut off. “But-dont let it affect you. I want you to come at me with all you got-“

You gave him a devilish grin, your eyes sparkling.

“-I wanna rub it in your face that I actualy beat you in front of a whole ass crowd. Might be good for you ego too,” you gave out a laugh at the last sentence, Bakugo’s shoulder softening slightly.

“Tch-,” he grunted out, his crimson eyes rolling in their sockets, “-like you could ever fucking beat me.”

You gave him one final look, your eyes quitting at him with a mischievous glint.

“We’ll see about that,” you gave him one last smile, standing up from your chair.

“I’ll see ya later.”

Bakugo heard your feet walk out the room, that tell tale click of the door closing softly reverberating in the room. He let out a sigh, something about your words making him feel like a huge weight just left his shoulders.

If you wanted him to go all out-then he’d do it.

Izuku

Dude, this poor baby

He’s actually freaking out. Like HARD.

Izuku wants to win pretty badly to prove it to himself, his family, his mentor/role model...but at what cost? Hurting you?

Hahah well that’s funny cause that ain’t happening

He’s legit thinking of just going easy on you-what’s the harm in that? Sure he might lose, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt-

This dude is not very good at hiding his feelings for you, so of course Iida and Ochaco already know of this infactuation obsession Izuku has for you

They kinda have to explain to him that’d it be really really stupid to just let you beat himjust because he didn’t want to hurt you

Iida basically explained that it’d hurt the “pride and prestige quality of the games” if he didn’t “fight to his fullest” and “y/n’s honor would be incredibly diminished” as the fight “wouldn’t be fair nor honest”

Which basically translated to just fight her Midoriya

Uraraka told him that you could hold your own, and you wouldn’t ever get mad at him cause like-it’s the point for everyone to fight their all to win

So Izuku kinda took a chill pill

Until he stepped into that arena

Cause ohohoohohoh it is wayyyyy different from talking about fighting to actually doing it

He’s kinda nervous at first-cause it’s happening. He has to actually fight you like this. In front of everybody.

Damn fate really did not like him right now did it?

You come at him full force-and holy CRAP did it throw him off

But it kind of woke him up to the situation-if your going to try your best, then he felt a little bit better forcing himself to do his best as well

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t wanna scream “Sorry!” And run over to you everytime he blasts ya with OFA, but it’s all good

Your fight was a little bit longer than the others, but in the end, you lost to Izuku

You two were seriously burnt out though-you got cuts and bruises everywhere from falling (and a big ass headache), and Izuku’s arms looked like burnt fried chicken

Deku felt pride in himself, cause damn you were really strong and he actually fought you off but-he hurt you AND made you lose

Looking at your face, he feels like shit-cause of course you look really beat down knowing you won’t be advancing to the next round

His foot stumbled forward, wanting to go see if you were okay

But the teachers quickly usher you two to go see the nurses, so he just had to give you an apologetic look until he could actually talk to you

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ ✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Izuku sat on the make shift bed, every movement he made setting off a plethora of crinkling noises from the paper overlay.

Everything seemed to be okay with him-he was actually surprised to hear he wasn’t as beat up as he thought he really was. Over course, Recovery Girl scolded him for taking such a risk on his body with his quirk, but with a big smooch on his cheek he was ready to go.

He heard a click of a door opening, expecting to see Recovery Girl come hobbling over to check his vitals one last time-until he looked up and his heart stopped on his chest.

There you were, banged up and bruise, your stance favoring your right side.

You seemed to be pretty surprised to see him too-your eyes widened in shock, and your shoulders stiffened at the sight of him.

Izuku’s head was going on overdrive-how were you feeling? Where you okay? Did he hurt you that badly? did you hate him? Was he invading your space just being present?

The thoughts were coming a mile a minute, his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish as he kept watching you with a stunned, blank expression.

To his relief, your shocked expression turned into a small smile and your eyes softened as you looked at Izuku’s shy gaze.

“Hey,” you simply said, breaking the awkward silence of the room.

Izuku quickly cleared his throat, repeating a “hey” back to you as he watched you sit down, his toes scrunching in his battered red shoes.

Guilt was bubbling in his stomach, his brows knitted in pain as you tred to sit down on a hospital bed. You were practically limping your way to sit down, the unmissable look of pain knitted in your brows.

God, he did that? To you-out of all the people in the world, you were one of the last people he would ever want to land a finger on. Of course, you had messed him up pretty badly, but it just felt strange to know he had caused you this discomfort.

“Are you-you feeling alright?” He asked quietly, his voice meek and hesitant.

You gave him another strained smile, using the table next to you to support your weight.

You weren’t going to deny it-Izuku really did a number on you. In the fight, your adrenaline was kicking in so much that the pain was barely even noticeable to you. But now that you were calm and collected, the throbbing pain that seemed to be everywhere was coming out in full force.

“Yeah, I’m doing okay-I guess,” you gave a small chuckle, trying to hide the grimace as a zap of pain pierced your bruised rib cage.

Izuku immediately noticed that look on your face, his feet touching the cold linoleum floor.

You felt hands gingerly circle around your sides, the pressure reassuring yet light, heat from another person radiating onto your back.

Midoriya was supporting your battered body, leading you to the closest bed and setting you down gingerly.

To say the feeling of Izuku holding you was making you flustered was an understatement-you were freaking the hell out. But something about him holding you was so comforting-even with him beaten up, and him being the reason you were in this portion- he still somehow was able to make you feel safe and protected.

“ ‘Zuku,” you asked, your heart thumping a mile a minute, “what are you-you doing?”

He set you down gingerly, his hands light and feathery against your skin.

“I-Uh,” He have you a sheepish grin, his cheeks red and his voice a stuttering mess from that nickname. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-to offend you, you just seemed like you were hurting...”

You tilted your head with a grin, your hand wrapping around his wrist for support.

“Don’t worry-you didn’t,”

His face light up, a warm relieved grin on his lips.

“Oh good! I was worried, cause after the whole match and everything, and you looked so hurt, I just, I don’t know, I was worried maybe you wouldnt want me around but I just didn’t want to-“

For some reason, that relief that you didn’t hate him had released the stuttering of poor Izuku, his brain going once again at a pace much to fast to comprehend.

You could barely catch a word, but you were able to stitch his thoughts together, a giggle escaping your lips.

He couldn’t be more adorable, could he?

Your heart pounded in your chest as your digits wrapping around his freckled cheeks. The sensation of your skin so close to his made his mouth stop in its tracks, his emerald eyes wide with shock.

“You really think I’d hate you ‘Zuku?”

God-he love that nickname. Your voice sent a shockwave if electricity through his body, his mind helplessly numb and in control by you.

Even with you cradling his cheeks, he couldn’t bring himself to look at you.

“I-Uh-Uh....maybe?”

Izuku heard you sigh, your teeth gnawing at your bottom lip.

He know it would look strange to anyone walking in, with him standing in between your legs and your hands wrapped against his cheeks. He knew he should move, just in case of the off chance somebody could walk in, but-he didn’t want to. He was in love with the feeling of your body so close to his, finally able to drink in every beautiful feature of your face, put every perfect sensation into his memory....it was nerve wracking yet soothing and he never wanted this moment to end.

“Deku, I could never hate you,” you smiled gingerly, your mind fighting your digits from tracing each adorable freckle decorating his face.

He looked at you with wide, confused eyes, his bruised lips parted and mind blank.

You said-you didn’t hate him?

He felt a rush of relief completely envelope his body, feeling on top of the world. You didn’t hate him for fighting you-and you even said you could never hate him. Was he really that lucky to have such a sweet crush like you?

He felt so happy he just had the undeniable want to just kiss you-you we’re close enough after all, he could just lean in to you....

“Oh-uh,” he quickly stuttered our, terrified he would actually act on what he was thinking, “Thats-thats great, thank you,”

You chuckled at his flustered ness, his cheeks a raging red from his thoughts-he definitely wouldn’t ever stop being a nervous wreck around you.

Shoto

Honestly, you would never know Shoto had a crush on you

hes just SO HARD TO READ

Also this boy would be the last person to realize he had a crush in the first place

very very oblivious poor baby

anyways, because of this oblivious part of him, he’d probably figure out he had a crush right then and there

Like, as he sees your face flash against his, and theres a big VS symbol in between you two

He gets this terrible, sinking feeling

like OH SHIT I have to fight them

He knew something was different this time around, because with everyone else he was fighting agains,t he could give two shits about them

but with you, the person he was actually fighting against felt important now

He just didn't want to fight you

So that through him off- big time

*queue a shoto todoroki internal monologue

this guy is really having an epiphany rn

Like dang- all those times I would stare at them, or get angry when somebody hurt them, or my face would get really hot when they told me “hi” meant I liked them!?

This pooor thingggggggggggggggg

Now,

Shoto isnt egotisitical-

hes just practical

So he knows that he would probably win this match-

he saw you as a great fighter, yet his quirk was alot more flashy and powerful than yours

So he had either two options:

one) was to just go all out and try to finish the match ASAP, or

two) prolong it, so you could get some exposure to the heroes watching

(spoiler alert- he goes with number two)

But what he doesn't realized is how FLUSTERED he gets when hes fighting you

He’s never been close to you like this before, even if you are fighting-and damn he didn't realize he had been craving this

He was making more mistakes than he usually would make in a match like this, so it was harder for him to keep the upper hand like he thought he would

But, of course- this is Shoto Todoroki we’re talking about

He finally zaps out of this love sick puppy phase and he starts to fight you for real now-

anddddddd he manages to push you off the stage boundaries

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Shoto took a deep breath, his lungs feeling icy from his quirk and his body heavy with fatigue.

Damn- that was a hard ass fight.

The sound of a roaring crowd was piercing his ears, Present Mic’s booming voice echoing the results of the matchup.

“Todoroki” seemed to be echoing throughout the stadium, his last name a mantra in the speakers. He won the match after all- he’d be advancing.

Shoto licked his lips, the tang of blood sparking in his mouth. Shoto didnt really feel much in these moments, as he could never really appreciate the achievements he had under his belt at such a young age.

But right now, something different was bubbling in his stomach- Shoto turned to look at you, your knees digging into the gravel and your fists balled into the dirt, your head laying low.

It wasnt rocket science to tell you were feeling down about loosing the match, and Shoto could see you were frustrated by the circumstances- he won, and you didnt.

Watching you struggling to get up from the icy ground he had made, your body beaten and bruised....he felt-guilty.

Suddenly, he felt his feet walking towards you, his heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.

His head was swarming with nerves as he held out his digits, his palm stretched out in a peace offering.

“Here,” his voice was smooth and deep, sending a shiver down your spine as you looked up at his outstretched digits.

You gave him a quizzical look, almost as if to say “what are you doing?”

Shoto bit his bottom lip, looking at the side as his cheeks flushed red.

“Take my hand-you’re injured.”

His tone was placid and calm, his bi colored eyes boaring into yours. It was just so confusing....he won the match, so why did he want to help you?

“Why?” you asked, your voice groggy and thick.

“Because-you’re hurt, and I’m certain my old man wouldn’t want me to be doing this. So I want to do it.”

I small laugh escaped your lips, the sound so sweet that it made Shoto’s face even more red and his heart beat faster in his chest.

“Shoto Todoroki being a rebel-“ you joked, shaking your head as you laughed, “I wouldn’t expect that from you.”

You looked up at the Todoroki son, a smile on your lips as you took his hand.

Ah crap-Shoto was really over heating at this point, his mind going haywire as he tried to figure out why it was so hard to keep his right side at bat as he pulled you up from the floor.

He found something so endearing about how small your palm was compared to his-it fit almost perfectly in his, the skin soft and warm against his.

Shoto cleared his throat, his eyes dancing nervously, trying his best to get his nerves in check.

“Is that-a bad thing?” He asked, feeling slightly sad that you had taken your hand out of his to dust off your tattered PE pants.

“Nope,” you said, popping the “p” in the sentence, “I think it’s a good thing-I like it.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

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untaemedqueen · 4 years

Text

Room 732 (M)

Mafia!Jeongguk x Courtesan!Reader

Jeongguk brought to you by The Bird Cage

WordCount: 10k

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Strangers to Lovers!AU

Warnings: Excessive Drinking, Excessive Swearing, Guns, Jeongguk Is Haunted By His Dead Girlfriend, Character Death (Lee), Mafia!Jeongguk, Shy!Jeongguk, Possessive!Jeongguk, Dom!Jeongguk, Sub!Reader, Jeongguk Is Riddled with Guilt, Praise, Cunnilingus, Orgasm Denial, Fellatio, Throat Fucking, Deep Throating, Begging, Jeongguk Has A Huge Dick, Daddy Kink, Did I Say Possessive? Because Jeongguk Is Possessive As Fuck, Cum Swallowing, Degradation (Cum Slut), Marking, Unprotected Sex, Squirting, Multiple Orgasms, Creampie, Begging

A/N: Can Be Read As A Stand Alone But If You’ve Read TBC. There are fun easter eggs. OKAY. ENJOY.

The mansion was silent on this Wednesday morning. Not a noise to be heard as Jeongguk pads down the right staircase of the large home. His sleep laden eyes drift to the brand new door before yawning loudly. His hand coming up to scratch at his bare tattooed chest as he makes his way through the sitting room. The perfectly white marble countertop of the island gives him a place to lean as he runs his hands through his black hair. He drank way too much yesterday with Taehyung to celebrate the birth of his new son.

Everyone was finding love around him, starting families and here he was still a bachelor since his girlfriend Lee was murdered. He could sometimes still picture her, her black hair blowing in the breeze in the garden. Or, the way she used to wrinkle her nose at everything, a habit Guk had adopted from her. He sighs to himself before shoving off of the counter as he rounds the island to the liquor cabinet. Sometimes Lee visits him in his dreams, begging him to move on, to experience happiness like the others in his gang. But, how could he? He has this warped mind that only knows how to torture and kill. After she was gone there was no love, no yearning. He smiles, sure, at his nieces and nephews. He finds happiness in others' happiness but never his own.

Jeongguk jumps up on the counter, Johnny Walker in his right hand as Hawon runs into the kitchen. He smirks down at her before putting the bottle of alcohol behind his back.

"Our Hawon." Her body sways as she does a little dance noticing her uncle. Jeongguk chuckles before hopping down off the island and picking her up.

"Airplane?! Airplane, Uncle Guk!" Mirae enters not even a second later before sighing as Jeongguk throws Hawon up in the air. Her screech echoes throughout the kitchen as Jeongguk chuckles. See, this is a flint of happiness he obtains through the people around him. He can smile at the way Mirae becomes disheveled with the kids even though she has OCD and hates to be out of perfect form. He can smile at how Hawon is delighted to be with him. And yet, when he's alone the loneliness and anger gnaws at him, as if he has a constant leech on his body. Jeongguk spins around, hands grasping at Hawon's small body before putting her back on the ground.

"Uncle Guk has to go to work. I'll see you later, hmm? We can watch that Tinkerbell movie." Hawon nods ecstatically at his promise before running out into the garden.

"Just a ball of energy." Mirae mumbles before chasing Hawon out the kitchen door. Jeongguk smirks before grabbing the whisky and walking out of the kitchen.

The blood tainted towel falls into Guk's lap as he sits down in the wooden chair in his warehouse. The blubbering and shaking of the man in front of him makes him sigh as he kicks the chair back on its hind two legs. His feet coming to rest on the blood stained wooden table in front of him.

"Just tell me what I want to know." His tone was not to be taken lightly as he shakes his long hair out of his face. Assessing the pained body in front of the table, he tilts his head.

"I didn't cut your tongue out for you to talk so you'd better do so, or I'll tell my boss you bit it off instead." This is what Jeongguk was best at. Jimin's wife on many occasions has stated that she couldn't believe the cute, tattoo riddled boy in front of her was such a fierce person. But, it's what he is best at. It's all he knows and he's damn good at it.

"You-I...Ple-Please." The voice was hoarse as if they haven't had water in days. Jeongguk taps his fingers against his leather pants before looking up at the wooden ceiling of his warehouse.

"Not what I want to hear. I want to hear from your mouth how you got the address." All he needs is a name, that's it.

"I have nothing else to take from you, Kyung. I took your eyes, your dick, your fingers." The man sobs hopelessly as Jeongguk looks at the blood stained bandage over the top of Kyung's head.

"Im Junggoo." Jeongguk sighs, his hands covering his face before nodding.

"Yeah. I was afraid you were going to say that." Jeongguk's body moves gracefully as he jumps out of the chair. He whistles to himself as he pulls his gun out from the back of his waistband. His fingers roll the silencer onto the tip of the gun before sighing as he jumps up onto the table before sitting down crossing his legs.

"This was fun, Kyung. Let's do it again sometime." He closes one eye, aiming at Kyung's head before pulling the trigger. The body falls, twitching slightly before stilling and Jeongguk can do nothing but set down the gun on the table and watch how the blood begins to pool into the reddened dirt around him. His blood covered hands lean back behind him as he looks up at the ceiling. He was damn good at his job.

"You need to go get some relief of some kind." Jimin tells Jeongguk as he sits at his desk. Jeongguk looks over the rim of his whisky glass before furrowing his eyebrows.

"What?"

"Since you've stepped into this room your hands have been shaking, you have bags under your eyes and you can't stop bouncing your knee. You need to get some relief." The older man points at his knee, product of proof right in front of him that has Jeongguk rolling his eyes.

"I'm fine." Jimin sips his coffee before leaning back in his chair, his crisp white shirt wrinkling as he does so.

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you." Jeongguk licks at his lips before folding his hands around the whisky glass in his lap. Jimin was the closest person to him since he was young. Jimin helped him find himself, made him who he is today and Jeongguk never takes that for granted.

"I can't sleep. She comes to see me in my dreams." He tells his best friend as he looks down at the newly purchased Persian rug that replaced the old one after Jimin's wife killed someone in the office.

"Lee?" Jeongguk nods to his question before downing the rest of his liquor.

"She always tells me to move on, or be happy. Like that's such a fucking easy thing to do. Like I can't remember what her fucking body looked like when we came home." Jimin swallows thicky before looking up at the ceiling.

"I get it. Really I do." Jeongguk's chest begins to tighten as he turns his head to look at the stained glass window.

"It's not like I have a Kitten, like you do that magically transcends me into a different plane of existence and makes me better." Jimin takes a deep breath through his nose as he sets down his coffee.

"Watch it. Your words are getting reckless." His eyes flicker shut, his heart beating in his ears as he sees Lee painted on the back of his eyelids.

"I can see her. She's wearing that pink dress that I bought her for Valentine's Day. Her hair was in pretty curls. I can see her smiling at me." Jeongguk chokes on his own spit as his eyes open wide before standing up and walking over to the liquor caddy.

"Guk." Jimin whispers as the alcohol sloshes into the crystal glass.

"I'm fine." The lie slips right past his lips as he looks up at the portrait of all the guys behind Jimin's chair.

"Go see one of Kitten's girls. It might help." A giggle bursts through the room as Jeongguk turns to his older brother.

"Help? They aren't therapists. They suck cock for a living." Jimin sighs before putting his hand to his forehead. Jeongguk was stubborn, he always has been and probably always will be.

"Then go see a therapist. You're getting out of control. I saw what you did to Kyung's body. You're lashing out."

"I was doing my fucking job." Jimin clicks his teeth as the study door opens.

Jimin's wife stands in the doorway, one hand holding their son Minseok as the other rests comfortably on her growing belly.

"Sorry. He wants daddy." She whispers before looking at Guk.

"We don't cut people's eyes out." Jimin responds to Jeongguk before standing up and grabbing his son from his wife's arms.

"I got it, Kitten." She hums before her eyes take in Jeongguk's disheveled body.

"I was just doing my fucking job. Okay?" He looks over at Jimin's wife before raising his eyebrows as she stares at him.

"WHAT?!" He screams to her as Jimin sighs gently.

"Jeon Jeongguk-"

"Easy, Kitten." Jeongguk's head cocks to the side as Jimin rubs at her pregnant belly.

"Go to a therapist, Guk. I'm not asking." The silence was palpable, eyes glancing here and there from all three people in the room before Minseok whines. How would Jeongguk even be able to process his thoughts? Let alone tell them to some quack who would just nod and ask him how he feels about it? Just give him snarky remarks before writing down a prescription for some soothing meds and telling him his hour is up. "I'd rather get my cock sucked."

Jeongguk stands in front of the Beasley Hotel. His eyes reading the same scripted letters on the facade of the expensive building for the thirteenth time before sighing. Of course, Jimin's wife immediately made an appointment with one of the girls for him. She asked Jeongguk what he liked and he didn't respond to her so she just set him up with someone new. Now, of course, all the girls that worked for her and her partner Hyunah were incredibly capable. It takes a high standard to get into the Golden Cage. But, he couldn't bring himself to want to go through with the whole ordeal. Lee constantly springs to mind every step he takes. Could he really watch a girl get undressed, suck his dick or do anything to him without feeling guilty? He can't say he could.

This girl would probably tell Jimin's wife he didn't go through with it and there would be hell to pay. He's getting a million dollar session for free. Jeongguk steps off the curb across the street before walking to the ritzy hotel in front of him. His hand digs into his black skinny jean pocket before producing a folded piece of paper.

732

Jeongguk takes a deep breath through his nose. Just have to get it over with, right? He steps through the revolving door before entering the hotel. He pockets his tattooed hands as people bustle about in the hotel lobby. He receives a few strange looks, this was not the sort of grandeur hotel that usually has leather clad, tattooed men just waltzing in. His hand reaches behind him making sure to feel the comfort of his gun in his waistband before relaxing. His combat boots make a dull thudding noise against the marble flooring, the sound reverberating in his ears as he approaches the front desk.

Orchards litter the large stone desk as he leans over it, a girl in a pants suit looks up before raising an eyebrow.

"Can I help you?" Everything about her was dripping with disdain as Jeongguk cleared his throat.

"Yeah, I'm here to see a guest in room 732." The front desk agent clicks her teeth before looking over his top half incredulously. This was the usual hotel for Golden Cage clients. 732 was always the room people would go to. It was common knowledge for most people in the hotel to know that a guest for 732 was going to get their rocks off.

"Mkay." The agent mumbles before picking up the phone and pressing the numbers languidly. Her eyes never leave Jeongguk's face as he looks around the hotel lobby. This place was nice, really nice. Lee would have loved to stay here. See, this is the problem. Everything is Lee. Every waking breath he has he could equate something to his dead girlfriend, for years now. Even when he sleeps, all he sees is her. Whether that be alive, dead, dismembered, you name it he's had a dream of her doing it or being there. He pokes an orchard petal as the agent lets the girl in the room know she has a visitor. His body sways back and forth awkwardly as he looks towards the elevators.

"You can go up." Jeongguk looks back down at the agent before nodding. "Thanks."

The hallway smells expensive, like lavender and warm vanilla. The chandeliers that hang from the ceiling exude the persona of this place and Jeongguk cannot begin to process how he came to be here. He nods his head to the Lee man who guards the door.

"Arms up." Jeongguk clears his throat before doing as told.

"I have a gun and two knives on me." He's courteous at least to tell him. He respects the Lees, they work quick and fast and have never given the Lions a problem. Especially since Yoongi just recently got engaged to Hyunah. The Lee man hums as he pulls the gun out from behind him. Jeongguk reaches down before pulling his knives from his boots and handing them over.

"Have fun." He says before shoving the door open for him. Jeongguk looks into the room before clearing his throat and stepping inside.

The lights were dim upon entry, white furniture beckons him forward as he looks around the room.

"Hello?" His voice was timid as he stepped towards the bed. The gold headboard catches his attention before turning to a noise in the bathroom.

"Hello." There you stood, a grey satin robe covering your almost naked body as you take the tall man into your sights. Jeongguk runs his fingers through his long black hair, his eyes looking over your body before looking away as if it was inappropriate. He shifts awkwardly on one foot to the other, there was something cute about it. The tall, muscular man was seemingly nervous in your presence. You smile warmly as you walk past him, his muscles tensing as your satin robe brushes against his leather jacket.

You sit on the bed, legs crossing as you lean back on your hands. The robe inches up, your bare thighs coming into view for his eyes as he pockets his hands.

"You can sit. You know." Jeongguk opens his mouth before giving a small laugh.

"Yeah." You pat the spot next to you and he slowly makes his way over. He sits on the edge, his butt barely connecting with the mattress as his shoulders tense up. He stares straight ahead at the black television screen. You lazily take in his features, big doe eyes and a perfect nose. Nice pink lips and a killer jawline grace your sight as you sit up.

"I'm Y/N." Jeongguk turns to you before bowing his head.

"Jeongguk." You hum to him before watching how his knee bounces in anxiousness. Why did your boss tell you to give him the plus treatment if he seems like he doesn't want to be here?

"Drink?" You ask pointing at the liquor cabinet. Jeongguk takes his hands out of his pockets only to place them on his knees, his fingertips digging into the fabric of his jeans before nodding.

"Sure!" He springs up before crossing the expanse of the room.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath before opening the liquor cabinet.

"Are you a virgin?" You ask as he pours two glasses of whisky. He chuckles, a sound that blesses your ears as you tilt your head.

"No. I'm not a virgin." He turns back around to you, his black hair falling into his eyes as he smiles. He has a pretty smile, something about it makes you feel warm. Like nothing bad could happen when it was around. You find yourself smiling back as he hands you the glass.

"You can take your jacket off, you know. I'm not going to immediately jump your bones, unless you're into that." He snorts, a simple exhale through his nose before shrugging off his leather jacket and throwing it onto the bed.

"Good." You say before taking a sip of the whisky. The warm liquor soothes you, a fire producing in your belly as Jeongguk side eyes you. You were beautiful, he expected as much. Jimin's wife wasn't in the business of hiring ugly women. His gaze flickers to your bare thighs once more before looking anywhere else. You catch this within a second, and notice the discomfort he begins to feel. His body turning away from you out of instinct.

You feel pity for him, something clearly isn't right with this situation he has been brought into. You grab at the duvet cover of the bed before throwing it over your legs.

"Better?" You ask quietly as Jeongguk notices your movement. He looks back over at you, his doe eyes widening further.

"I'm sorry. I must be being rude." You shake your head at his statement before giving him a smile.

"It's okay if you don't want to do anything. I understand." He makes a noise in the back of his throat that you can't decipher before turning to you. You seemed like an understanding person. You didn't strike him as a courtesan to say the least.

"I want to. But, I can't. My brain won't let me." He taps his index finger against his temple before taking a large gulp of the whisky. His teeth grit, neck veins fluttering as he swallows the whisky. You can sense his nervousness and it really doesn't look good on this handsome man.

"I'll be right back." You whisper before standing up and heading for the bathroom.

"I fucked up." Jeongguk whispers before closing his eyes, he could see her. He could see Lee plain as day. She was frowning, her long black hair strewn over her shoulder as she folded her arms. Jeongguk couldn't move on, he was trapped in this miserable mindset. He wasn't even sure what it would be like to not see Lee or think of Lee at every given moment. It would probably terrify him. The bathroom door opens and you emerge in a long mocha brown sweater, black leggings shield your thighs as you smile at Guk.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you embarrassed or anything, I-" You cut him off with the shake of your head.

"It's alright, you didn't offend me. Takes a lot more than that to make me offended." Jeongguk nods, his shoulders relaxing slightly as you jump on the bed. Your back connects to the gold headboard as you grab your glass.

"Might be nice to not get fucked for once." He laughs gently before turning his body to you, the way his eyes crinkle makes your heart skip a beat. He's way too handsome. His hand pushes his hair behind his pierced ear before taking a sip of his drink.

"You can have a drink and just chill out. Or, I can leave if you want." You suggest pointing your manicured finger at the door. Jeongguk is quick to shake his head,

"No, no. Don't go. It's nice to just...just be able to sit and drink." He wholeheartedly means it. You felt comfortable to him. Nothing about this experience felt weird or strange which was a blessing in and of itself. Jeongguk scratches at the back of his neck and you catch the branding iron you've seen a few times before with a few clients.

"You're a Lion." Jeongguk puts his hand down before giving you a small smile.

"Yeah. I am. I'm one of the original seven." You hum before sitting up and putting your hand under your cheek. "I heard that you guys defile women and torture men." Jeongguk gives a carefree laugh as he fully turns to you.

"Clearly that isn't the case. I made you go put your clothes on." You giggle before sipping the whisky and tapping your fingers to your temple. His smile doesn't fade as his warm brown eyes gaze upon your face.

"I'm sorry your boss made you take me on as a client. I'm sure it's a waste of time."

"You're not a waste of time. Don't say that. You're actually nice, compared to most people that enter this room." Jeongguk tilts his head before sucking air through his teeth.

"I'll kill them if you want me to. The people that aren't nice to you." His eyes gleam with playfulness as you kick back your body before giggling.

"Is that your way of flirting?" He takes a sip, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards as he stares at you.

"So why are you here anyway? You said my boss made me take you on. Why?" Jeongguk clears his throat as he kicks off his combat boots before sitting cross legged on the bed. Now, he's uncomfortable. He looks past you to the pearlescent night stand as he puffs out his cheeks.

"Because I, uh, can't function. My boss says I'm getting reckless." You hum as if you have any idea what he's talking about. After the hour you've been talking and drinking, you've kind of just assumed he's an enigma. He only answers what he wants to, he looks away at any given chance to not feel something. He seems like he doesn't want to feel. You wouldn't push him, it isn't your place. And yet, there's something about him that just makes you want to give him a hug. He seems so sad. You want to make him smile and laugh, he seems like he deserves that.

"So they thought that you getting your dick sucked would make you better?" He laughs before looking down at his lap.

"I think so." You sigh before sitting up and putting your hand on his knee. He stiffens, his eyes look up at you before relaxing his muscles.

"Don't worry. I'm here to talk to you, if you want. I know my main job is to spread my legs for people but I'm a good listener." Jeongguk is quick to defend your honor to yourself.

"Don't say that. Your main job is irrelevant to me. I'm happy I could sit here and just bullshit with you for hours. I feel kinda better than before." Your smile brings one to his own face.

"Good. I'm glad." A knock comes at the door and you both turn your heads to the noise.

"Time." You hear through the door and you sigh before standing up.

"That's my cue." Jeongguk opens his mouth before nodding. For the first time in forever, he wants more time. He mentally chides himself, he spent so much time looking away and not answering that he didn't even get a real chance to speak with you. He regrets that.

"Jeongguk. Hopefully I'll see you around." You say as you grab your bag from the bathroom.

"Me too! Thanks, Y/N." You give him that warm smile he's suddenly become fond of before leaving the room. The Lee man enters before handing Jeongguk his weaponry and bowing his head. Jeongguk lays down on the bed before closing his eyes. Lee was like a faded print behind his eyelids.

"How was she?" Jimin asks as they sit down for the meeting. Jeongguk smirks before putting his gun on the table.

"Really nice." Jimin raises an eyebrow before folding his arms.

"How do you know she's really nice if she had her mouth on your cock?" Jeongguk scoffs before matching his best friend's actions with folding his own arms.

"Don't talk about her like that. She didn't need to suck my cock for me to know she's nice." Jimin's expression softens at Jeongguk's murmur.

"Did you dream of Lee last night?" His question is point blank as the others file into the room.

"Briefly." She had come and gone, Jeongguk for the first time in a long time didn't wake up drenched in sweat. He didn't feel compelled to tell Jimin every single detail of last night but there was one sentence that had Jimin bursting at the seams to know more. "I'd like to see her again."

Jeongguk walks down the hotel hallway, his gun and knives already in hand before handing them to the Lee man standing at the door.

"Enjoy." Jeongguk has come to know the Lee man as Junkwon, he was nice and always escorted you. Junkwon opens the door, the lights are dim yet again.

"Hey." Jeongguk sounds breathless as you sit in the chair by the large window, your body covered in just a beige lace bra with matching panties. You look up before covering your legs with a gasp.

"Jeongguk! They didn't tell me it was you. I'm sorry." You say quickly grabbing your robe. Jeongguk has become really fond of this, fond of how considerate you are. How comfortable you make him feel when you're around just being yourself.

"Don't worry." He says as you stand up. His eyes drink you in, your skin looking soft as butter in the dim lighting.

"Let me go change." Jeongguk hums to you before licking his lips. He wasn't nervous or afraid to look at you, he didn't hate himself for it. Because, it was you. You rush off to the bathroom as Jeongguk walks over to the liquor cabinet. His eyes flutter closed and for once his eyelids were just black. No Lee. No smile. No frown. Nothing. He stumbles backwards as he gasps before his eyes open wide.

"Lee?" He calls gently before closing his eyes again. There was nothing. And, this is what he was most afraid of. His tattooed hand grasps the wooden counter of the bar before choking on his own spit.

"Jeongguk? You okay?" You ask as his legs shake.

"She-I...I don't-'' He shuts his eyes once more before a ball begins to form in his throat, it's form ever expanding as his knuckles turn white from clasping the table so hard.

"She left me." He whispers before opening his eyes and looking at you.

"Hey." You whisper calmly to him, your feet taking ginger steps towards him as he whimpers.

"She left me!" There was a small sob before a large one. His innocent eyes glossing over with tears as he grabs at his black t-shirt above his heart.

"Jeongguk. Sit down." You say putting your hand on his arm gently. He rips his arm away from your grasp before faltering as he knocks the whisky bottle onto the floor.

"Hey!" The concern in your voice reaches his ears as he falls into the seat you were previously sat in. His eyes were like a wild animals, flitting here and there while trying to grasp onto a thought.

"Jeongguk. Do you need me to call my boss?" Jeongguk gasps as he leans back in his seat.

"Don't! Don't do that." You could see his hairline beginning to sweat as you crouch down in front of him.

"I think you're having a panic attack. Just take a deep breath. In through your nose and out through your mouth." You've had a few panic attacks in your time. It wasn't always cushy like it is now to work in this industry.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, his body visibly shaking as he stares down at you.

“Just focus on something, let your mind begin to process.” You whisper running your thumb comfortingly over his bare knee through the cuts in his jeans. Jeongguk groans as he feels dizziness encumbering his mind, but he couldn’t close his eyes for fear that she wouldn’t be there. His eyes fall to your hand on his knee, he focuses on how soothing your thumb feels. How soft and delicate the touch you’re giving him is. You give him a small smile, eyebrows still knit with concern as he looks back up at you.

“What color is my shirt?” You ask him quietly before pulling at the fabric.

“Purple.” He whispers before taking a deep breath into his lungs as if his body was finally allowing him to breathe again.

“Good.” Then there was silence for a while besides Guk’s heavy breathing. That was alright with you, as long as he felt better. He has only come three times before this and each time he came things were slowly becoming more relaxing.

You would talk for long hours, sipping on whatever alcohol you decided on at the start of the session. You would laugh with each other, listen to how Jeongguk’s day went. You told him things you enjoy too like the beach and going to the seaside to fish with your dad. He told you about his nieces and nephews last time and it warmed your heart to see him smiling so widely when he talked about them. He was always happy talking about others but never about himself, you noticed. He never mentioned women or anything of that nature and that was okay with you too. Everything was very relaxing when you were with each other, like nothing else even mattered outside of this hotel room. Jeongguk flexes his fingers realizing they were numb only seconds ago.

“I-I’m sorry.” He mumbles before putting his hands over his face, his palms becoming drenched in sweat as he leans back into the chair.

“Nothing to apologize for.” His fast beating heart begins to slow as he lets out an exhale.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask gently before standing up. Jeongguk looks up at you as he moves his hands away before clearing his throat.

“Sit on my lap.” He whispers and you gasp gently.

“What?” He’s never asked something like this before.

“Sit on me.” You look at him hesitantly before slowly sitting down on his thick thighs. His strong arms wrap around your figure, his arms interlocking with each other as he lets out a slow breath. You sit still, eyeing him wearily as he looks up at you nervously.

“Okay.” He mumbles before slowly closing his eyes. The back of his eyelids were still black. He sighs deflated before letting you go.

“You can get up.” You stand up off of him before tilting your head.

“I have to go.” He whispers before standing, his eyes don’t look towards you again as he rushes to the door. “Jeongguk!” He was gone.

He had you sit on him to see if Lee would come back, but she didn’t that night. He went to sleep without a single dream. His unconscious mind reveling in the back wasteland of dreamspace. But, she did come back when he was black out drunk. He would have conversations with her as he lay sloped up against the wall of his room.

“Don’t fucking l-look at me like that, babe.” He slurs to Lee as she sits in the chair across from his bed.

“Koo, you have to let me go.” Jeongguk laughs loudly, the whisky in the bottle he holds sloshes around as he shakes.

“Let you go?! You left me!” Lee sits silently, hands on her knees as her black hair falls in rivets over her shoulder.

“I didn’t choose to leave you.” Jeongguk scoffs before gulping down the alcohol.

“I’m not talking about when you fucking died, baby. I’m talking about when I went to see Y/N.” Lee’s lips press into a hard line as she leans back in the armchair.

“Because you don’t need me when Y/N is there. She can take good care of you.”

“YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT KNOWING WHAT I NEED?!” Jeongguk’s voice is a sharp, loud cry as he widens his drunken eyes at his dead girlfriend. He scoffs before holding the liquor bottle close to his body as he folds his legs underneath him. There was a quick knock at his door before the door went flying open.

“What’re you screaming about at three o’clock in the morning?” Hoseok asks his younger brother before noticing just how drunk Jeongguk is. The way his body is slumped over against his headboard, black hair in his eyes so he could barely see.

“Guk.” Hoseok mutters before stepping inside and shutting the door so as to not disturb anyone. Jeongguk didn’t realize he was crying until now, tears rolled off his jawline before leaving dark wet spots on his light grey sweatpants. Hoseok takes a seat where Lee was just sitting before looking at the drunk younger man.

“She fucking left me. Y’know? I go see Y/N, what, four fucking times and Lee just abandons me.” Hoseok gives a gentle sigh before running his hands through his hair.

“Maybe she left you because that’s healthy and you need healthiness.” Jeongguk laughs before taking another swig of whisky.

“That’s what she said.” He mumbles, his tone warped with pain as he slams his head into the iron bed frame. Hoseok leans forward before grabbing the bottle of liquor and putting it on the floor.

“This isn’t healthy. You’re a mess. If it helped you so much to see Y/N, you should go back and see her.” You probably hate him after seeing him at his weakest.

“No. I don’t want to see her again.” He was afraid, afraid to be at such peace with you. Afraid to be able to smile.

Jeongguk sits at the meeting table. His feet up on the table as Jimin’s wife slaps him upside the head.

“Just bought the table, feet down.” She mumbles before pulling on her cigarette. He mutters an apology her way as the rest of the guys enter the metal room. Namjoon enters with a cheery smile, his dimples deep as he pulls his gun out before presenting it on the table.

“Oh! Jaebeom went to go see Y/N, thanks for the suggestion.” Jeongguk takes a deep breath before taking his feel off the table and staring at the t.v. screen above him.

“She’s pretty, no?” Jimin’s wife asks as Jeongguk’s knee begins to bounce.

“That’s what he says. He also says, she has a nice mouth for sucking cock.”

“Stop it.” Jeongguk mumbles loud enough for Namjoon to hear drawing his attention to the younger member. Was this jealousy burning through his veins at a quick pace? He wasn’t even sure what the emotion was that filled him, but anger accompanied it. If it wasn’t for the black tattoos on his neck, it would surely be beet red.

“You went to see her too, right Guk?! Man, I’m fucking telling you, Jae says those tits she has-” Jeongguk pulls his gun out of the back of his pants before aiming it at his older brother.

“I said stop. Don’t fucking talk about her!”

“WHOA!” Jimin yells upon entering as Namjoon holds his hands up, backing his chair up into the corner of the room.

“Don’t fucking go tell anyone to see her! Tell him don’t look at her! Don’t touch her! Don’t you dare!” Jeongguk yells as he cocks the gun.

“Easy, Guk. Easy.” Jimin whispers before stepping in front of Jeongguk’s gun.

“Just because it’s her job doesn’t mean she likes it. When she was younger, she wanted to be a painter but no one would accept her into their colleges. Do you know that? She likes to go to the beach to feel the sand between her toes because it keeps her grounded. And, you have the fucking audacity to talk about her fucking dick sucking skills?! She isn’t someone you can easily talk about like this! She’s a fucking person! With feelings! She was there for me when I had a fucking panic attack. She took care of me. Don’t fucking talk about her!” Jimin slowly waves his hands as Jeongguk begins to foam at the sides of his mouth.

“Alright. Jaebeom or anyone else here won’t go and see her. You have my word. Put the gun down.” Jimin was being gentle with him, Jeongguk recognizes his tone of voice as his wife rubs at Guk’s upper back. Jeongguk uncocks the gun before clearing his throat and leaving the room without another word.

Jeongguk stares at the bloody dirt of his warehouse, for once his warehouse was empty. It was dead quiet, you could hear a pin drop. He had left the mansion for a few days, just sleeping in the back of his car while he stayed out here. His mind was fucking him over, this much was certain. He left you in that hotel room and he felt guilty about it. He also felt guilty about feeling the need to have Lee around him when she wasn’t even on this plane of existence anymore. More than anything, he can’t help but think about your smile. How warm it is, how comforting it feels to have his eyes on you smiling widely. He remembers how soft your skin looks, how he would have been okay with you staying in that little amount of clothing before his panic attack. He remembers how soothing your thumb was on his skin. Jeongguk sighs before looking up at the wooden rafters of the ceiling.

“Koo.” His breathing stops as he closes his eyes.

“Lee.”

“Why don’t you go and see her?” Jeongguk’s eyes begin to burn, he sniffles before pulling up his black hood and looking at his dead girlfriend.

“I can’t.” A broken sob rips through his chest as he hangs his head low.

“She probably misses you, you can’t be locked up in your own head anymore. I’m gone.” Jeongguk wails loudly putting his hands over his face.

“I know. I’m just so afraid for you to leave.”

“I’ll always be with you, in your heart. In your memories. But, it’s time to move on. You like her, I know you do. It’s okay to like someone else that isn’t me, Koo.” He scoffs as he pulls down his sleeves to make sweater paws. His sleeves meet his eyes as he sobs.

“She probably fucking hates me. I left her there all alone.”

“Look at me.” Jeongguk timidly lifts his head, his hands pushing his hair out of the way as he sniffles. Lee was in front of the table looking down at him.

“You deserve to be happy, Koo. You deserve to smile. You deserve to feel no awkwardness or fear.” He whimpers at Lee’s words as his bottom lip quivers.

“Go and be happy. She makes you feel better.”

“What am I going to do without you?” He asks, his voice cracking as he holds his arms out to her.

“You’re going to smile.” In an instant, she was gone. Lee’s form fades away in a sudden breeze that chills Jeongguk to the bone. He shivers before closing his eyes and swallowing. She wasn’t there either.

“Lee?!” No answer but the sounds of birds chirping outside the warehouse. Jeongguk buries his face in his lap before taking a deep breath. Lee left him, after all these years. She just disappeared, to prove that Jeongguk didn’t need her anymore. He didn’t need to depend on her when you were around. He smiled and laughed, he felt relief. Felt at home. He clears his throat before pulling out his almost dead cell phone from his back pocket. He scrolls through his contacts before putting his forehead to the lip of the table as the phone rings. “Jina. Is Y/N working?”

Jeongguk steps out of the elevator on the seventh floor before looking down at Junkwon.

“She’s with someone.” He tells Jeongguk as he walks towards 732.

“Open the door.” His voice is brisk as he stares at the three gold numbers that hang on the door. He could hear moaning inside the room before cracking his neck.

“I can’t Jeongguk, I’m sorry.” Jeongguk sighs before pulling out his wallet and pulling out a few hundred bucks.

“Go away.”

“You can’t just-” Jeongguk shoves the money into Junkwon’s semi-open hand before pulling out his gun.

“Go away.” Junkwon counts the money before sighing and walking down the hallway.

“Don’t hurt her.” Junkwon calls to Guk as he rings for the elevator.

“Never.” Jeongguk shoves the door open. He takes you into his sights, you were on your knees jerking off some random guy. You looked bored and unamused before looking over and gasping. Jeongguk points his gun to the guy.

“Get out.” “Jeongguk!” Jeongguk walks over, cocking his gun before grabbing your robe and throwing it at you.

“You heard me? Get out.” The man scoffs before standing up and pulling up his boxers.

“Hey man! I paid a lot of money for this!” You haphazardly put the robe on before stepping away from your client.

“Jina will pay you back. Get out. I’m asking nicely.” You look up at Jeongguk, his black hair is fixed behind his ears. His domineering persona was something you’ve never seen before and you can’t say it didn’t intrigue you as you lean against the wooden table.

“Okay! Okay! I’m going. Shit.” Jeongguk watches as the man fumbles to get his pants up from around his ankles. His eyebrow raises as the guy looks at you before stepping in front of your small figure.

“Don’t fucking look at her. Get out. Now.” The man grabs his dress shirt before running out the hotel room door and slamming it behind him. Jeongguk uncocks his gun before putting it in the back of his pants.

“Hi?” You say before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Hi.” Jeongguk whispers before sitting down next to you. You sigh before looking at him out of the corner of your eye, taking in the way his black hoodie was two times too big for him. It was endearing.

“Feel better?” You ask quietly as Jeongguk closes his eyes.

“I do now.” You hum playfully before laying back on the bed.

“That was hot.” You tell him as he turns towards you. He snorts before laying down beside you.

“What was hot?”

“Defending my honor like I don’t do this for a living.” Jeongguk chuckles openly before turning on his side to look at you. His warm brown eyes bore into yours before fingering at the white duvet cover.

“I’m sorry I left that day.” How could you hold a grudge against him when he looks like this. His big doe eyes gazing into yours only shows how guilty he actually feels about it.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Yes, I do.” His answer surprises you, he normally says no or looks away quite quickly.

“Oh! Okay! Let me put some clothes on!” You go to sit up and Jeongguk’s arm cages you down onto the bed.

“No, stay.” You take a deep inhale before turning on your side to face him. “Alright.”

Jeongguk gives you a small smile, the corners of his mouth quirk up as he stares at you.

“You’re very beautiful.” Your cheeks heat up pink at his compliment, he's always looked at you like you were pretty but he's never said a thing before.

"Thank you. You too." Jeongguk chuckles before laying his head down on the pillow. He clears his throat before taking off his sweater and throwing it elsewhere. His white tank top reveals all of his tattoos up to his chest and you can't help but look at the tasteful designs he has printed on himself. They look great on his honey colored skin.

"I don't want to keep running away from you anymore. I like you. I just have some...undealt with issues." He takes some time before completing his sentence but you stay quiet as if to tell him to keep going if he chooses to do so.

"Do you like me?" He asks, tilting his head into the pillow.

"I do." You tell him honestly, making him smile.

"Okay, good." You giggle at his beaming smile before he looks off past you.

"Don't get...I don't know weirded out when I tell you my story." You nod to him before putting your arm under the pillow getting comfortable. He was different now, he was uncertain, sure. But, he was nervous or anxious to look at you. He wasn't fidgety and making himself uncomfortable, he was just him. And, it's really nice to see that.

"Years ago I had a girlfriend-" Jeongguk clears his throat before sitting up suddenly, "-her name was Lee. I loved her, a lot. She was the first person I fell in love with. Um…" He looks down at his legs as he rubs his hands over his sweatpants. You put your hand on his knee before sitting up, your head tilts to the side as you watch him struggle to swallow.

"Fuck. Fuck! Sorry." You shake your head as he takes a deep breath.

"So, yeah, I loved her and she lived in the house I live in with my crew. One day I came home and called out for her and she wasn't answering me. Me and my boss, Jimin, he's been my best friend since we were younger. We ran upstairs and there were little drops of blood on the floor." You close your eyes as Jeongguk clears his throat again before squinting.

"She was dead. In our room. Another gang had killed her and did stuff to her body." You put your hand over your mouth as he struggles to go on.

"That was a long time ago, but she stayed with me. Like, a ghost. I would see her every night in my dreams and when I closed my eyes. She was always there. And, it started to get out of hand. I was drinking a lot and I was very angry. Guilty. I was so guilty. Y'know? What if I got home just ten minutes or twenty minutes before I did. What would have happened? It ate me alive, then I would see her and feel this fucking weight pushing down my goddamn chest every second of the fucking day. Everyone around me was getting married and falling in love and I was stuck in this sick little fucking sand glass that kept flipping over when the last piece of sand was about to fall." Jeongguk sighs loudly before looking at you, his hand grabs your wrist before pulling it away from your eyes.

"But, then. I met you. And, I really liked you because you made me feel comfortable and I didn't feel like this anxious wreck anymore. But, I got scared because before you Lee was painted on the back of my eyelids every second of the day. After I met you she started to fade. Then she left me completely, that was the day I had the panic attack. I felt frightened because she wasn't with me anymore and I-I was so used to it that it made me terrified. I felt guilty that I pushed her away or something. But, I felt even more guilty that I might have pushed you away. That I fucked up my chance for you to like me when I left you that day. Lee was a big part of me that left because you made me feel safe. You make me feel comfortable. And I-I really l-like you. I want to get to know you and not have to feel guilty or worried anymore. I just want to be able to be myself and smile again. You make me smile."

Jeongguk presses his lips together after he's done talking and he notices how glossy your eyes have become during his talk. You nod to him before giving him a small smile. You lean forward before enveloping him in a hug, he feels his body relax and he didn't even know that he was tense. His arms snake around you before hugging you back. You could feel how fast his heart is beating through his chest as he holds you tightly.

"You make me smile, too." Warmth starts to seep through him, starting at his heart and spreading through his limbs as he holds you close. Jeongguk pulls back before brushing some stray wisps of hair behind your ear.

"I'm going to kiss you." You nod at his chivalry before closing your eyes. He takes this moment to look over your features, how soft and angelic you look in this lighting. He thumbs his finger over your bottom lip before leaning in and kissing you slowly.

His kiss was soft and sensual. A small jolt of electricity runs through you as he places one hand to the back of your neck. You would never have assumed this drop dead handsome man could kiss like this. His tongue licks over your bottom lip and it produces a fire in your belly.

A gasp emits from you, mouth opening as your nerve endings tingle. Jeongguk takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. His tongue, tasting and caressing every inch of you before mingling your tongue with him. His hand pulls you closer, his instinct to have you close makes you mewl as you grab onto his tattooed arms. He pulls away, only to take large breaths to fill his lungs before diving back in. His hands find your hips before flipping you onto him.

His back hits the mattress with a thud as you lean down to smother him with more kisses. His large hands trail downward. The feel of satin wraps him in a cloud of pure pleasure as his hands come to rest on your ass cheeks. He groans into your mouth and the sound is so intoxicating that you feel your core seeping with liquid pleasure.

"You're so fucking gorgeous." He whispers as you kiss down his neck, your teeth gently biting at his smooth skin. Jeongguk's hips buck upwards as his eyes close. Behind his eyes all he can see is you, the image of you above him is a welcome sight photographed onto the back of his lids. You tug at his shirt and it brings him back to reality as he opens his eyes. He sits up only to tug off the white article of clothing. Your eyes marvel at his tattooed chest, the way the planes of his eight pack highlight each tattoo perfectly. Jeongguk grabs at the robe belt before pulling it undone. He takes a sharp inhale of breath before looking up at your eyes.

"Are you sure?" You ask quickly, his blown out pupils shake as he chuckles. "Kiss me, baby."

You can do nothing but oblige as his hands begin to trail over your bare thighs. His fingertips knead at your skin as he sits up. You wrap your legs around his waist before feeling how hard he is underneath you. A gentle mewl leaves your lips as he kisses down your neck with heated fervor.

"Feel how hard my cock is for you?" Your arms wrap around his neck as your head lolls back. Jeongguk playfully nips at your bust line before groaning as you thrust your hips to his.

"I'm going to cum in my pants if you keep doing that."

"You feel so hard." Jeongguk smiles against your skin before kissing at your cheek.

"All for you, baby." This was serious whiplash. You could never have expected this. Jeongguk flips you over with ease, his thick thighs pining you underneath him as his lips lazily traipse down your chest.

His hand snakes underneath you before taking a moment to unhook your bra. It was clumsy but he was determined to do it with one hand.

"It's been a while." His admission makes you giggle as he finally unhooks your bra. Jeongguk groans as he throws your bra onto the floor. Your nipples become stiff at his longing stare.

"Fuck." His warm lips envelope one, his tongue flicking at the sensitive skin as you whimper out his name. Something possessive flits across his gaze as he stares up at you. His fingers trail your thighs before swiping up your soaked panties. You could feel how they stick to you, almost embarrassing soaked.

"Say that again, baby. Say my name again." He rubs your clit through your underwear. The silken fabric feels amazing against your sensitive nub as you moan out.

"Jeongguk." He hums before bending down and pecking your lips.

"That's right. That's who you belong to now. And, I don't share." Is he telling you to quit your job? You don't have much time to dwell on it, though as his fingers hook into the sides of your panties before peeling them off of you. The cool air of the room berates your sodden cunt as your skin produces goosebumps.

"Look how wet you are, baby. Soaked." His voice is that of wonder as he spreads your legs wide. His tongue licks at his lips as if he's seen a feast in a great banquet.

"Please." You whimper as he bows his body down.

"What do you want?" His lips kiss at your pubic bone, teasingly slow kisses litter your skin and upper thighs as he intertwines both of your hands locking them to your sides.

"I want you to touch me." Jeongguk looks up at you, his black hair beginning to stick to his forehead as he smirks.

"Want me to touch you like everyone else that comes in this room? You think you deserve it, baby?" You wiggle your hips, trying to thrust them towards him.

Your cunt was aching, a dull pounding reverberates through your lower half as you bite your bottom lip. "Your pussy is soaked and I haven't even started. What does that say about you?" You gasp as he kisses your clit.

"Jaebeom was in this room not too long ago. You remember him? He touched your pretty little pussy I bet. You think you deserve my touch?" Jeongguk gives a flat swipe with his tongue to your pussy, your body sags into the bed as he pulls away.

"Fuck, you taste good."

"I'll be good! Please!" Jeongguk chuckles before suckling at your pussy lips.

"Please, Daddy." His tongue gives two quick licks to your clit before blowing on your pussy. Your cunt quivers and throbs as the ache begins to drive you insane.

"Please, Daddy! Please!" Your hands are squeezing his so tightly, he wonders where you get the strength from for it. "Good girl."

His lips suckle at your clit, his teeth rake gently against the sensitive nub as you moan loudly for him. He hums in agreement as you lift your hips to buck up into him wanting to feel more. He lets your hands go only to push your hips back down into the bed.

"You taste fucking good, baby girl." He relishes in how fucked out you look already and he hasn't even made you cum yet. He was good at this sort of thing, this sexual torture. He revels in it.

"Fuck!" Jeongguk smirks before teasing your entrance. His finger slowly enters you as your head falls back.

"Nuh uh. Watch me. Watch me eat your pussy so well." You whimper, fingers gripping at his black hair as he curls his finger inside of you.

"Jeongguk!" He likes when you call his name so he takes pity on you and adds a second finger. Your walls begin to flutter, your orgasm approaching at a high speed.

"I-I'm gonna cum!" He pulls away as you whine out.

"Tell me what you're mine and that you won't share and I'll let you cum."

"What?!" You pull at his head but he doesn't budge.

"Tell Daddy that you're his and his only." He enters his two fingers into you again. Slowly pumping them in as your clit throbs.

"Daddy, please! I w-want to cum!" Jeongguk hums before spitting on your pussy.

"That's not what I want to hear." You keen for him as he soothes your clit with a gentle suckle.

"I'm yours, Daddy! Yours only." Jeongguk sits up before looking at you with passive eyes.

"Yeah, you are and you better remember that, baby girl." You moan loudly as he begins to flick quickly at your clit. His fingers fucking into you so fast it almost knocks the wind out of your lungs. His fingers curl, finding that one spot inside of you that has you melting into the bed. Your orgasm comes back and full throttle as you whinge.

"Daddy, please! I'm going to cum." Jeongguk moans as he feels your walls coax him.

"Cum for me." As if he has given you the right to do so, you orgasm for him. Your eyes fill with spots as your thigh tremble with pleasure.

"Good girl." He pulls away from your clit, his fingers slowing as you come down from your high. You looked gloriously fucked out before him, thighs and cunt still twitching as you lick at your swollen, kissed lips. He pulls his fingers out of you and you mewl at the loss before lifting your head. "We aren't done here. I'll fill your needy cunt, baby girl. Don't worry about that."

Jeongguk stands up tall, his hands pulling down his sweatpants as you sit up on your elbows. His cock springs out, slapping his stomach and smearing it with precum that seems to be oozing like a never ending waterfall. His tip was an angry red as he strokes at his long length. Okay, you knew he was hard before but this, this is impressive. He had the length and the girth that has your mouth watering as you look up at him through your lashes. He chuckles at your surprise before sitting up on the bed, back resting against the headboard. His hand lazily strokes his cock before tilting his head at you.

"Come suck on Daddy's cock." You're quick to scramble in front of him, your body falling between his open legs as he stares down at you. He nods his head simply before letting his cock go.

"No hands." He says as you go to grasp him. You lean down, swirling your tongue around the tip earning a sigh from him as he grasps your hair into a makeshift ponytail.

"Suck Daddy's cock better than you did Namjoon hyungs." With pleasure. You swirl your tongue around the base before bobbing your head up and down with quick movements.

"Oh fuck." Jeongguk's teeth clench as he watches your cheeks hollow out. You gag on his cock, spittle and tears streaming down your face as you look up at him.

"That's a good girl. Choking on my big cock like some cum slut." You whimper against him, his eyes falling between your legs as your arousal and cum drip down your thighs.

"This is the only cock you'll be sucking so you better take good care of it." You moan against him and Jeongguk's eyes flutter shut. You gag on him once more and he taps at your throat.

"Take it in." You whimper quietly before relaxing your throat for him. Wanting to do nothing but please him as he looks back down at you. You nestle your nose against his bare pubic bone earnings a hum from Guk.

"Good girl, baby." He tugs at your hair gently, testing the waters only to be rewarded with a whine.

"Mmm. Fuck. You like that? Like being pulled like a little fucking rag doll? Hmm?" He pulls harder and you moan against him, the reverberation has his cock thrusting gently into your throat.

"You're so fucking pretty choking on my cock like this." He pulls your head up, before pushing it back down on his member. His toes curling in pleasure as he groans.

He does this a few more times gently before beginning to thrust into your throat. "Fuck! That's it! Take this cock baby girl. No one else gets to fuck this throat but Daddy. You hear me?" You moan for him as his cock begins to throb.

"I'm going to cum down your throat and you're going to swallow and show me that you're a good little girl that can follow instructions." You grab at his thighs as he puts his hand around your throat, squeezing gentle as he feels his cock pumping in and out of you. That's all he needs before he's groaning loudly.

"Oh Y/N, shit! I'm cumming!" The way he moans your name has you fueled with desire, you greedily guzzle his cum as he streams ropes down your throat.

"Fuck, baby! Fuck." Jeongguk gasps, his head lolling back as he eases up on your head. You pull off of him before showing him your empty mouth. He hums before wrinkling his nose and leaning up to kiss you.

"Good." He lays you down before twirling his finger. "Get going."

You flip over, face down and ass up as Jeongguk slaps your ass. "Who do you belong to?" You moan as he soothes the rub, "You, Daddy." Jeongguk kisses down your back before spanking you again.

"That's right. Good girl." You whimper as his slaps get stronger.

"You let Namjoon hyung cum in your pussy?" His question sounds rhetorical but you answer him anyway.

"No Daddy, everyone uses condoms." Jeongguk hums at the information before running his cock through your soaked lips. You moan gently burying your face on the mattress.

"Does Daddy have to use a condom? Is baby girl on birth control?"

"Yes, Daddy. I want you to fill me, show me I'm yours." Jeongguk takes a sharp breath between his teeth before smiling.

"Aren't you just a perfect little girl, hmm?" You smile at his praise before rubbing your pussy on his cock. Jeongguk groans before stilling your hips.

“Be good, don’t make me punish you. I just became your boyfriend, don’t make me scare you off.” You laugh at his comment and he chuckles in response before bending over you and kissing you softly. He prods the weeping head of his cock to your entrance before slowly pushing in.

Your mouth opens with a groan as he stretches you, “Thank Daddy for his big cock.” You whimper as Jeongguk buries himself to the hilt. Your cunt begins to accommodate the intrusion by relaxing on him.

“Thank you Daddy.” He moans gently, his fingers gripping at your hips so hard you know you’ll bruise by tomorrow morning. But, fuck if it doesn’t feel good. He pulls out, his eyes marveling at how sodden his cock has become with your arousal before thrusting back in slowly.

“Fuck, you’re so wet on Daddy’s cock. Jesus Fucking Christ.” You moan loudly, your fingers gripping at the white sheets as you spread your knees wider wanting more. Jeongguk thrusts harder, his power would send you up the bed if he didn’t have such a tight grasp on you.

“So tight on me, baby girl. Like your pussy was made for me.” Your eyes roll back as he begins to bulldoze inside of you. Your thighs quake at the pleasure as Jeongguk wraps his hand around the back of your neck pulling your body back onto his cock.

“Fuck, you feel so good. Such a cum hungry slut.” You moan loudly, as he picks your body up to press flush against his chest. His fingers toy with your nipples, plucking and rolling the stiff peaks between his fingertips as he suckles harshly on your neck. He paints your neck with pretty red and pink patches before burying his forehead in the crook of your neck.

“Mine. All mine.”

“Yes, Daddy! Yours! Fuck! Your cock feels so good!” This angle is perfect for your pleasure as the bulbous head of his cock brushes against your g-spot.

“Yeah? Shit, you feel good on Daddy’s cock, baby girl. Daddy’s gonna cum in your little pussy and claim what’s his.” His words goad you on to your next orgasm as his fingers open your pussy lips before rubbing at your soaked clit. You sob loudly, head lolling back on his shoulder as he clasps his arm around your waist holding you in place as he fucks you to his liking.

“Such a pretty little thing getting fucked right open. You’re going to take my cum nice and deep. Hmm? Walk around with my cum running down your legs so everyone knows who you belong to?” You grip at his hair as you feel your second orgasm approaching.

“Yes. Fuck! Yes! I want people to see you drip down my legs.” Jeongguk lets out an almost inhuman groan as he kisses across your jawline. Your pussy begins to flutter around him, the action making his cock throb.

“Daddy, gonna cum. Can I?” Jeongguk could fucking die right now and he’d be pleased.

“Cum on my cock baby. You deserve it.” You moan loudly, ears ringing as you orgasm. Your cum coats the bed and Jeongguk can only choke on a moan as he looks down.

“Fuck, you’re so hot. Christ.” Your cunt begins to milk him in the aftershock of your orgasm, Jeongguk’s grip on you tightens as he moans.

“I’m cumming. Fuck. Take it like a good girl. Take it deep.” He gasps loudly before stilling inside of you, his warm seed filling you as he gives a few more short thrusts before gripping you tightly and falling onto the bed.

You giggle before closing your eyes as he kisses the back of your head. “Turn and smile for me.” You raise an eyebrow before turning with a genuine smile.

“I love that. You’re so beautiful when you smile.” He wrinkles his nose once more before kissing you gently. His teeth gently nipping at your bottom lip lovingly before sighing. Jeongguk pulls out of you before looking down at the mess your pussy makes as his cum floods out.

“Fuck, look at that.” He murmurs before smirking. You lay on your back, eyes taking in his tattoo riddled body before smiling. Who knew the nervous man you met a while ago would turn into this. Jeongguk stands with a before hearing feet outside the door. He’s quick to grab his gun from the floor and cock it at the door as you raise an eyebrow.

“Who?!” Jeongguk yells walking over to the liquor cabinet, his eyes still trained on the door.

“Junkwon.”

“Fuck off.” Jeongguk calls back before uncocking his gun and putting it on the wooden table.

“You’re kinda hot Jeon Jeongguk.” You tell him as you sit up against the headboard. He gives a whole hearted laugh, his back muscles tensing and releasing as he pours two glasses of whisky.

“You’re kinda hot too, baby.” He turns back to you, eyes glued to your cum laden pussy before pointing at you.

“I meant what I said. You’re mine. No one else's.” You sigh gently before closing your legs.

“This is my job.” Jeongguk clicks his teeth before walking the expanse of the floor and handing you the whisky glass.

“We’ll find you something else to do. Jimin’s wife was supposed to be a maid and look where she is now. She can teach you how to be a vixen like she is.” Jeongguk presses his lips to your temple before pulling your naked body to his. You ponder this for a second, you had told him before you never wanted to do this but it paid well. And, you trust him enough to not lead you down the wrong path. “Alright.”

You stand with Jeongguk in his bedroom, his eyes flitting to the green dress he bought Lee that many years ago on the day she was murdered.

"You don't have to do this, you know. I understand." You whisper to your fiance as you hug his broad back. His hand rubs comforting strokes at your arms around his waist before turning to you.

"Yes, I do. I've moved on. I'm happy. We've been together for two years. It's time for this to go." You look over at the dress before looking up into his doe eyes. Although one is black and bruised from a fight he got into not long ago because someone looked at you too sexually they still had this innocent look to them. A look that melts your heart as he opens up your bedroom door. He holds his hand out and you take it without a second thought. He leads you down the hallway and down the staircase as you both pass Jimin's wife.

"What're you doing?" She asks, raising an eyebrow as Jeongguk balls up the green dress.

"Tying up loose ends." She hums in confusion before shrugging.

"Have fun, meeting in thirty minutes. Y/N, I expect you to be there."

"Yes ma'am!" You call back to her as Jeongguk continues to pull you.

Jeongguk wraps his arm around your waist as you walk out into the garden. Your feet feel the green blades of grass underfoot as you walk out to the firepit behind the row of rose bushes. Jeongguk looks up at the orange sky before sighing.

"Baby-" He throws the dress into the pit without another word before grabbing a book of matches from his pants pocket. He lights a match before throwing it into the fire pit and looking at you.

"I love you, baby girl."

"I love you, too." He sits down on the stone bench before patting his thighs. You sit on him sideways, your arms wrapping around his neck as he leans his cheek against your breast. He watches the green fabric blacken as it scorches to nothingness. He was finally happy, he was finally safe within the confines of someone's heart and he couldn't ask for anything more. He rocks you gently as you run your fingers through his hair. Lee never came back to visit him. Not in his dreams or anywhere else. But, he didn't need her to, he found his own happiness.

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firefly464 · 4 years

Text

The Real World - Chapter 13

"Oh Im gonna take a small break and go easy on this chapter :D" - me the other day. i then proceeded to write the longest chapter so far for no god damn reason.

ALSO YAY COOL SYMBOLISM IN THIS ONE

Thank you @i-have-this-now for helping me with transitions because im a complete mess Thank you to @rivys for beta reading and editing!

Master Post

First - Previous - Next

~~~

“They WHAT?!” Wilbur yelled, wheeling around to stare at the teenager behind him.

“They uh, they’re going to try and bring our Tommy and Dream back?” Tubbo repeated, taking a step back. “Is that bad…?” Hadn’t this been what Wilbur wanted? For their own Tommy to come home? Why was he acting so aggressive about it?

“Yes that's bad! Thats really fucking bad! Not Tommy obviously, but Dream?! Tubbo, Dream could come and break the peace treaty. He might start a whole new war, just out of spite. I cant… We can’t do that again. We just don’t have the resources.”

Tubbo paled as he realized what Wilbur was saying. Yes, they might have a chance to bring Tommy home, but at what cost? They would have to go back to living in fear, terrified that at any moment, Dream would come up behind them and try to kill one of them. He took another step back, shaking his head. He couldn’t go back to living like that. He just couldn’t.

Wilbur walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, crouching slightly so that he was at eye level. “Tubbo, I need you to tell me something, and I need you to tell me the truth. Where are they going?” Tubbo shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. On one hand, he had promised Tommy that he was going to help him get home. He had given his word. But on the other, he couldn’t go back to living in constant fear. He just couldn’t. “The eastern dark woods…” he muttered, trying to push away the guilt that gnawed at him. He had to do this. For his friends. He had no choice.

“Got it.” Wilbur stood to full height, his eyes set and determined. “Go get your things together. We’ve got quite the trip ahead of us.”

~~~

“You can’t be serious. This is all you have? Why are there- why the hell do you have so many buckets? How on earth are you going to carry them?” George shook his head as he looked over the meager pile of supplies that Dream had gathered.

Dream just shrugged as he rolled up the bedroll he had found in one of the chests. “You never know what might happen. I’m just trying to be prepared.”

“Right. So you decided the best way to be prepared was to pack 3 buckets, but not pack any food or actual fresh water. You don’t even have a flint and steel!”

A snort of laughter sounded from behind them. Dream turned to see Tommy, snickering to himself quietly. When the teenager noticed that they were looking at him, he wiped the grin off his face and stood up straight, trying to look serious. It didn’t work.

“You know, you could be actually helping instead of just standing there and laughing,” Dream remarked.

“Aw, but where's the fun in that? It’s much more entertaining to sit back and watch you struggle.”

“Oh really? I would love to see you do a better job.” He clipped the bedroll to the base of his pack.

Tommy stepped forward with a smug grin. “Ok, I will, since I’m just so cool and awesome. First off, you need coal for torches and shit. Second, toss the buckets out. You’re not going to be pulling any epic mlg moves here. That's just not how physics work.” Dream grumbled to himself as he took the buckets out of the pile.

“Shut up, both of you!” George cried out, bringing the bickering to a halt. “Clearly neither of you have any idea what's going on or what to do. So instead of arguing, why don’t you just listen to me and do what I tell you to do. We’re on a timer, aren’t we?”

Dream and Tommy looked down guilty. They had forgotten about the 48 hour limit, and had ended up falling back into their carefree habits. “Right, sorry.” Tommy said.

“Alright, Dream, I want you to go and gather some water. Once you’ve got a bucket full, I want you to boil it and bottle it. We can’t have you getting sick from dirty water. Tommy, go and gather some wheat. We don’t need too much, just enough to make enough bread for if we can’t find any animals. I’m going to go and get the horses saddled.” George’s voice was calm as he explained what each of them was going to do. The other two nodded and quickly rushed out of the room.

~~~

“Alright I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve never rode a horse before. I’ve got no fucking idea what I’m doing,” Tommy admited as he tried to find his balance atop the large animal. The three of them had gathered up all of their materials rather quickly, and were now on their way towards the forest. “Seriously, how the fuck do people do this?”

“By shutting up and not complaining.” Dream seemed to have figured out how to ride his horse pretty quickly, and was now spending his time taunting the younger teenager.

“Yeah, well maybe if you weren’t so damn annoying, I would have less to complain about.”

"C'mon, Tommy, hurry up. The sun's setting." George said, while Tommy almost fell off his horse.

The three of them rode across the rough wilderness, as the moon rose slowly along the horizon. This was going to be a long night.

~~~

“We can stop here to make camp for the night,” George said as they came across a small clearing. The three of them had been traveling for hours now, and found themselves in the middle of a birch forest.

"Eugh, birch. This is literally the worst kind of wood." Dream said jokingly.

"Agreed." Tommy nodded.

"What? Oh come on, birch isn't that bad." George relatiated as he set up a fire.

"What?" Dream laughed. "George, have you seen these trees?"

"Dream, they're just trees. Plus, we aren't gonna be here for long. We'll keep travelling as soon as the sun rises." George rolled his eyes.

“Ughhhh, really?! But that’s so early!”

“Tommy, shut up. Stop acting like a child. You’re just lucky that we found a place to stop at all.” George handed both Dream and Tommy a couple of torches. “Here, set these up along the perimeter. The last thing we need is a bunch of mobs trying to kill us while we sleep.”

Both Dream and Tommy stared at him in shock.

“What? Do you guys not have mobs in your world?”

“Wha- No of course we don’t! I didn’t think that they were actually real here, holy shit…” Dream exclaimed.

“Damn… A world where you don’t have to worry about getting eaten alive in the middle of the night. That honestly sounds really nice.” he shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Never mind that right now. I need you guys to set up the torches.”

~~~

The sound of a netherite blade slicing through the air echoed across the quiet forest. It had been several hours since they had set up camp, and Dream had long since given up on sleep. The events of the day had played over and over in his mind, making it impossible to close his eyes. And so, he had quietly gotten up and snuck away to a small open area where he could practice.

Over the past week, he had found that practicing sword fighting helped him to calm down. The simple, repetitive motions helped to quiet the intrusive thoughts that continued to plague him. He had started to grow quite reliant on it to stay sane. Maybe, when he finally got home, he would join a fencing class.

If he got home. No. No he couldn’t think like that. Pessimism wouldn’t get him anyone. He needed to trust Tubbo and Wilbur. They were going to get him and Tommy home. They had to.

“You know, you’ve really gotten a lot better,” said a voice from behind him. A squeal of surprise was torn from Dream’s throat as he spun around, his sword at the ready. “Pffft, what on earth was that?” George stepped out from the shadows of the trees into the light of the torches that Dream had set up.

Dream placed a hand on his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. “Jesus man, you scared me. What the hell was that about?”

The shorter man chuckled as he stepped further into the light. “Gotta keep you on your toes. What's the point of learning how to fight if you’re not constantly aware?” He drew his own sword and held it out in the form of a challenge.

“You are actually the worst,” he said, raising his own sword in response.

With a grin, George rushed forward in attack. Dream raised his sword to block the incoming strike, allowing his instincts to take over. He had learned that if he simply didn’t think about what he was doing, he often did quite well. And so he let his mind go blank, instead focusing on surroundings. The stars, the leaves, the trees, even the man before him was all taken in as they sparred.

“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” George asked, most likely hoping to distract his opponent.

Dream only shrugged as he feigned an attack at his friend's leg, only to come up and create a small cut on his cheek. “Couldn’t sleep. I was hoping that doing some practice would help calm me down.”

“And? How's your success rate?”

“Well it was pretty good, until you arrived and scared me half to death.”

“Aww, I didn’t realize compliments scared you so much.”

“Yes, I’m quite shy.” Dream couldn’t help but grin.

As the two of them joked back and forth, they continued their little duel. It had been going for a couple minutes now, and they seemed to be at a bit of a stand still. A rush of pride surged through him. In roughly a week, he had gone from completely and totally useless to actually able to defend himself. Now, he just needed to set himself apart.

His mind began working overtime, analysing every small detail. Quickly, he reached back with his free hand and pulled out a loaded crossbow. George’s face transformed into surprise when he saw the weapon. The bolt flew past his face, only just barely grazing the side of his head.

Dream quickly threw the weapon aside and pressed his advantage. Suddenly, the favor was tipped towards Dream. George was unbalanced, startled by the use of the crossbow. Still, he managed to raise his sword just in time to block another strike.

With his free hand, Dream reached into one of the pouches around his waist and pulled out a small sphere, roughly the size of a marble. With a slight squeeze, the sphere expanded to the size of a baseball. While George was distracted with blocking the strike towards his face, Dream tossed the sphere behind him. With a crash, the sphere shattered against the ground.

Suddenly, Dream appeared behind George in a shower of purple. With a sweep of his foot, his friend came falling to the ground. With a final motion, he held the sword above his throat, his green eyes bright with exhilaration and delight.

“Alright alright, you win. I surrender,” George said with a laugh.

“Did you see that?! That was so cool! Oh my god that was so awesome!” Dream exclaimed as he helped George to his feet. “That was so damn cool!!” he started jumping around the small clearing in excitement.

“How did you even do that? I’ve never seen someone use a crossbow in the middle of a sword fight before”

“I’ll be honest, I’ve got no idea. I have no idea what the hell I just did. I just know that it was cool as fuck!”

He shook his head, chuckling as he watched his friend dance around the area. George had never seen Dream show any sort of emotion before, much this level of excitement. Even though he knew the reasons why, he couldn’t help but feel a bit weirded out by it. Watching the pure joy flash across Dream’s face was strange. Still, it was nice. “You are such a dork”

He only responded with a wide grin.

A thought flashed through George’s mind, causing him to frown slightly. Dream stopped his playful jumping and walked over, his eyes now filled with concern. “Hey, you alright?” He asked. “Oh shit, you’re bleeding! Hold on I’ve got a few bandages on me I think…”

As Dream pulled out a couple white bandages from his bag, George let out a slight chuckle. “Do you even know how to use those?”

“Uhhh, not really? I’m sure I can figure it out. How hard can it be?”

He wasn’t impressed. With a roll of his eyes, George held out his hand for the bandages “Here, just let me do it. It doesn’t really hurt, I think it's just a small cut. Probably just needs to be cleaned.” Taking a bottle of water from his bag, he quickly wet the bandage and started to clean the blood from his face.

Dream pouted. “Well what if I wanted to help?”

“Then you can go and wash the blood out of these,” George said, tossing him the now stained bandages. “No point in wasting perfectly good bandages because of a small cut.”

He caught them easily, but otherwise didn’t move. “Nope. Not until you tell me whats wrong.

The brunette cursed under his breath. Since when had he been so easy to read? “I uh, I was just thinking about… Stuff,” he waived his hand vaguely.

“You wanna talk about it?” Dream plopped down onto the grass and patted the ground next to him. “Here, take a seat.”

He sat.

“Spill.”

“I’m just… Worried, I guess? I mean, in a few days, you’re going to be gone and… the other Dream will be back. I guess I’m just scared about what he's gonna do.”

The smile faded from Dream’s face as he considered what to say. “What was he like?” he asked after a few seconds. “The other me, I mean.”

“He was… Scary. All he cared about was the thrill of the hunt. The mask made it impossible to tell what he was ever thinking, which made it ten times worse. Of course, it only covered his eyes and nose, so that you could still see his grin.” He shuddered. “I watched as he blew up the gates of L’manberg with a massive smile on his face.”

“So then… why did you follow him in the first place?”

“I had no choice. When Sapnap and I showed up, he was the only other person here. It was either join him or be left out to die to the mobs. After a while I guess I just didn’t realize how cruel he was. He was a good leader, and super charismatic. Not to mention a really good actor. By the time the war started… I guess I just trusted him, if that makes sense. He had kept me alive ‘till then, so why would anything change?”

Dream nodded. He wasn’t going to pretend like he understood what his friend had gone through, but he could still try and help in his own way. “He taught you sword fighting, how to survive. You felt like you were indebted to him, right?”

“Yeah… Pretty much. God, its so stupid! I should have been able to realize how messed up he was. Why the hell did I not realize?!” He took off his round sunglasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut tight. “I was so fucking stupid.”

Hesitantly, Dream reached over and placed a hand on his friends back, trying to comfort him. “Hey, that’s not stupid. You’d be surprised at how easily our minds can trick us into thinking we’re doing the right thing. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's not your fault.” A stab of guilt shot through him. He had been the one to add George onto the server. If he had waited a bit, would things have been different? Maybe if he had acted differently on stream, or not sent the declaration of war, maybe things would have turned out different. The other Dream might have turned out to be a decent guy, not someone that people trembled before and feared.

“I should have been smarter… I should have joined Sapnap when he went off on his own.”

The weight of George’s words finally sunk in. The other Dream was a monster, a killer. He was the living, breathing version of the mask Dream sometimes wore in his videos. The act of someone who enjoyed the hunt, and nothing more. These past two weeks had been peaceful and calm compared to what everyone had normally lived through, and it was all because the monster was finally gone. But now… now they were about to bring him back. They were about to bring everyone’s worst nightmare back to life.

What choice did they have? It was either that, or let the entire world get destroyed. Either way, the other Dream was about to ruin people’s lives. He sighed. “It's going to be alright, ok? We’ll figure something out, I promise. You’re not going to go back to living like that. I promise.”

Now, it was just a matter of keeping that promise.

~~~

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#alright can i just say #im so proud of that sparring scene #it turned out really cool in my opinion and i really like it #Tubbo_#tubbolive #wilbursoot #wilbur soot #dreamwastaken #dream team #dreamsmp #sapnap #georgenotfound #The Real World #The Real World AU #my writing #fanfiction #l'manberg #tommyinnit

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k-drabblings · 5 years

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letters to you (pt. 2)

KIM TAEHYUNG (V) X READER Type | Genre: slice of life au | fluff/angst Word Count: 1738 A/N: it’s been hard finding time to update in general but i have a soft spot for this fic! hope you enjoy.

One

After Taehyung's first visit, we managed to keep in touch until somewhere around early springtime. The Kakao messages got increasingly sparse as he got closer to his mysterious debut date and college examinations loomed over my head as I entered my final year of high school. The flutters I had felt were long forgotten in lieu of books and essays.

It wasn't until summer that I was reminded of Taehyung. Auntie Kim came barging into our house bright and early with excited shouts of his debut.

I was already awake, studying my butt off upstairs in the lovely solitude of my room.

"He's releasing the album tomorrow! Tomorrow! My Taehyungie is finally debuting!"

My heart couldn't help but stir a little at his name, as if it was remembering an old habit. I hesitantly reached for my phone, wondering if it would be out of place to send him a congratulatory message.

[07:55AM] To: Taehyung Grats, superstar. It's about time.

To my surprise, the reply came instantly.

[07:55AM] From: Taehyung Dont tell me my mom woke u all up this early to tell u... [07:55AM] From: Taehyung But thats just like her isnt it [07:56AM] From: Taehyung Goddamn shes embarrassing [07:56AM] From: Taehyung But thx ;)

I smiled, heart skipping a little faster, but I decided to play it cool and leave him hanging. It didn't necessarily warrant a response anyway.

It was more than two hours later into my reading when my phone buzzed.

[10:13AM] From: Taehyung Im coming home for a few days next month.

[10:13AM] From: Taehyung Excited to see me? ;)

My stomach suddenly twisted into a knot, butterflies I hadn't felt for months threatening to creep back. Goddamn him and his flirty winking emoticons.

[10:21AM] To: Taehyung Not really

[10:21AM] To: Taehyung But you can come anyway I guess

I wondered if I had waited an ample enough amount of time to not look so desperately eager to answer him. Childish, I know, but I couldn’t help it. I returned to my studies with a renewed energy, suddenly feeling empowered by the thought of having something to look forward to.

Taehyung looked so different that it was hard to believe only two seasons had passed since I last saw him. He was the slightest bit less lanky and his hair was dyed blonde. God, who would have thought he'd look so good with Barbie hair? I stared at him in silence for a few moments before giving him an awkward wave.

"Y/N!"

I could have sworn his voice got deeper, but I didn't have time to mull over the thought really as he scooped me into a big embrace. It knocked the wind out of me -- in a good way. "Nice to see you too, Taehyung," I mumbled into his chest. He smelled like laundry with a hint of musk. It was strange seeing him in shorts and a tee, legs and arms so bare. Had he always been so tan?

It was our mother's ideas to catch up over lunch, and although my books were practically screaming at me, I decided to be a little careless and enjoy some time with my long lost friend. It seemed like Taehyung always brought out the irresponsible side of me.

"So how've you been?" Taehyung asked expectantly.

I had never been a fan of small talk, but there was no other way to really begin the conversation. "Alright, I guess. Studying mostly. Actually, only studying.."

"Ah, so once I left, you were no longer a genius."

I couldn't help but crack a smile.

"No boyfriend?"

"My textbooks are my boyfriends." I sighed, feeling the nervous guilt of ditching my studies gnawing away at me. I was so determined to get top scores, go to one of the top universities in Seoul, and then the world would be my oyster. It was somewhat reckless to be here comfortably chatting the time away with Taehyung.

He smirked. "Wow, what a player. Didn't think you were like that, Y/N."

I rolled my eyes before a chuckle escaped my lips. "Enough about my boring life. I bet yours has been crazy exciting. With your debut, and... shows... and singing?" It was too obvious I didn't know anything about the idol lifestyle.

"Yes. Shows and singing. Hit the nail right on the head," he joked. There was a brief pause before he sighed. "It's actually more like crazy busy than crazy exciting." I watched his still-beautiful fingers run through his dyed locks. "But yeah on top of shows and singing, it's a lot of promotions right now... We're trying to win Rookie of the Year and just get ourselves more out there... Grow our fanbase, you know?"

He sounded so desperate for a moment that I almost reached out to touch his hand in comfort. I didn't know anything really, but I could tell he worked his ass off every day, and he was hoping more than anything that his efforts would pay off in the end. I could sympathize with that -- we were kind of in the same boat when I thought of it like that, and it was comforting.

"How long are you here for this time?" I asked timidly.

"Three days." A loud sigh left his lips. "I know, short as fuck." He was biting his lip nervously, eyes wandering for few seconds before landing on mine. "And I know you're probably busy as hell, but couldn't you make some time for your fave Kpop idol?" A cheeky grin broke out onto his face, and I was instantly reminded of the Taehyung I had grown so comfortable with last winter. And just like that, it was so easy to fall back into his trap.

My books were neglected as I spent the next few days with Taehyung. It was like we had fallen back into our old habits -- going to the cafe in the morning, watching I Hear Your Voice or some other drama in the afternoon, and driving to the mountains or downtown in the evening.

He still took his coffee much too sweet. And with the way he comfortably settled in next to me besides the couch, shoulder to shoulder, it was like nothing had changed. By the second day, it felt like he had never even left.

I loved the drives the most. The skies were clear and starry, and with the wind blowing through my hair, going anywhere felt like an adventure. The scenic view of town from the cliffs was different now that it was summer. It was so green and lush, as if the colors had all become more vibrant now that he was back. The days were longer and warm, so we spent more time outside. He treated me to ice cream every day because he was "now a working man," as he called it.

"I missed this," he announced with a sigh, laying back into the grass.

"Hm?" I absentmindedly continued to poke around for the cake bits in my ice cream.

"Just chilling around like this. With you."

The last two words were said so nonchalantly, but they resonated so deeply in my silly heart that my entire body tensed up.

"You're leaving tomorrow, Taehyung." Was I saying it to remind him... or myself?

He rose from his position and gestured towards the car. "It's good though. You need to study anyway." He grinned. "Genius or nerd, whichever you are, I'm sure you still need to get back to your books. The college exams are in a few months, aren't they?"

I hadn’t known, but he had overheard my mother yelling at me the previous morning for spending all day with him. It hadn't stopped him from distracting me all day today though.

I nodded, swallowing nervously. I didn't want to think about my looming tests and their gravity on my future outlook. With Taehyung, I could enjoy a reprieve from it all. I didn't want him to leave.

"You'll be fine," he murmured softly, hand messily patting my head. "We'll both work hard, and we'll see each other again before we know it."

My eyes were hopeful as I looked up at his golden face. "When's the next time you'll be back?" He wasn't even gone yet, and I was already looking forward to our reunion.

"Hopefully the holidays." His mumbles were laced with uncertainty, and he tried to give me a reassuring smile. "I'll try to keep in touch, Y/N. Much more than last time."

The way he wrapped his arm around my shoulder made me almost believe he would keep his promise.

He didn't. It was only a few days after he returned to Seoul that the texts stopped coming. I wasn't surprised. From what I heard from Auntie Kim, his group was getting ready for their comeback, and I wasn't in a position to chase for replies either. I was frantically catching up with what I missed, but it didn't help that I'd occasionally get distracted by the thoughts of him already forgetting me.

The leaves turned from green to yellow, oranges, and reds before turning brown and withering off. My birthday passed uneventfully with a casual text from Taehyung. I traded in loose shorts for leggings and sweats, and pulled out my winter gear from the back of the closet. Other than my clothes, however, nothing changed much. Day in and day out, my nose was buried in textbooks, my hand deathly sore from writing notes.

It felt unreal when the examination day finally came. I woke up like any other day, but instead of heading to the school library with books in tow, I headed there with only a few last minute notes and a pencil case. Basically every other kid in my year was walking down the streets with me, hearts nervously thumping as we all knew the test we faced would determine our future.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I was reminded to turn it off. But at the sight of the familiar name that hadn't graced my screen in months, my heart fluttered.

[08:16AM] From: Taehyung Good luck genius

It was nice to think that he was somewhere in the capital city thinking about me this early in the morning.

With a happy heart, I powered down my mobile device. Perhaps this exam would be my ticket to Seoul, a little closer to Taehyung.

#kim taehyung #taehyung #bts v #bts #bts scenarios #bts fanfics #taehyung x reader #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic

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otheroutlandertales · 5 years

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A/N: This story was inspired by Brianna showing off her shooting skills with Jamie in The Birds and the Bees.

“I used to go barefoot all the time when I was little. Daddy—Frank—took us to the mountains every summer, to the White Mountains or the Adirondacks. After a week, the bottoms of my feet were like leather; I could have walked on hot coals and not felt a thing.”

-----------

“Daddy—Frank—taught me to shoot when I was eleven or twelve. He gave me a twenty-two when I was thirteen, and by the time I was fifteen, he was taking me to shoot clay pigeons at ranges, or to hunt doves and quail on weekends in the fall.” Roger glanced at her in interest. “I thought Jamie’d taught you; I’d no idea Frank Randall was such a sportsman.” “Well,” she said slowly. “I don’t know that he was.

The Fiery Cross (Chapter 20)

Meant to Be

by @futurelounging

It was easy, in the beginning, to hold his daughter in his heart as his own. As if his blood truly mingled with hers. Her skin was smooth and pale, freckles dusting her nose. Her tiny fingers wrapped around his thumb and squeezed. He could lift her with her fingers gripping his, hanging like a monkey from a tree. Her hair, though nothing like his own or his wife’s, was only a minor irritation, and only if remarked upon. For he found the image of her was simply her. Her face as familiar to him as his own, until the lines and shape of her no longer felt distinct from her essence.

She toddled and fell, scraped her nose, bruised her knees, drooled on his shoulder while she gnawed with her gums like a puppy. She threw her small body from chairs, trusting he’d reach out and grab her at the last second. Being a child, he thought, was about doing without consideration, letting your body learn the consequences. Being an adult inverted it, the consequences ever etched in one’s vision, until doing felt impossible.

He had not expected to think about her quite so much. When he’d imagined fatherhood before Claire had gone, he’d pictured waving goodbye to his wife and child in the morning, going about the business of his day, then later, when his work was finished, conjuring them in his mind as he ventured home. But his daughter was not so easily dismissed. She invaded his thoughts throughout his days, appearing in the bit of cereal crusted on his trouser leg, in the tiny orphaned sock he found at the bottom of his briefcase. She must have pulled it off and tossed it in there last night, he’d think. And she appeared in the corners of his mind always, as he watched the students walking with oblivious confidence, imagining her grown and barreling through these halls.

As she grew older, his fantasy of her being merely his faded. It wasn’t so much that she was physically resembling the mysterious man who shared her DNA. It was in her manner, a presence, a confidence that felt entirely different from his own or Claire’s. The tilt of her head and the hum of her thoughts as she contemplated a problem. How could blood be so strong, he wondered.

This change spurred him to pull her closer, to leave his imprint in some way. His suggestion to begin spending a week in the mountains each year might have seemed deliberate in hindsight, but in truth, it was a whim in the beginning.

“The Adirondacks?” Claire looked up from the journal she had folded over on her lap. Her hair had loosened from the pins and had begun to fall across her brow as she read. She pushed it back behind her ear with a sigh of exasperation.

“I thought perhaps you’d like some time away from the city, but if you’re too pressed with work I can go alone with Bree.” Frank pushed his glasses higher on his nose and glanced at her.

“No, I… No, that sounds wonderful! It’s been so long since I’ve gone anywhere.” The strain that normally pulled on her face began to loosen and a smile tugged at her lips.

“Work won’t be an issue?” Frank asked dubiously.

Claire’s brow furrowed, her lips pursing. “How long?”

“A week.”

“Hm. Well, I don’t know if I can do a full week at the moment, but at least a few days. Perhaps I could drive separately so you and Bree can stay a bit longer.”

He’d not expected such an enthusiastic response from her. He knew she adored nature and longed for time away, but still, time with him didn’t seem a good selling point. While he was relieved that she was receptive, he felt a pang of guilt for how pleased he was to hear that she’d not be with them the entire time. He cherished his alone time with Bree and if he were to examine his feelings a bit deeper, he’d find that he worried Claire’s presence would somehow resurrect the other man, the one who seemed intent on haunting them.

“Why would this man let us stay in his cabin, Daddy?” Bree asked as the car rattled over the bumps in the narrow road snaking through thick forest. Claire’s car followed close behind and Frank glanced in the rearview to make sure she didn’t blow a tire on the rocks.

“Why?” he laughed. “Well I daresay he considers me a friend, darling. Is it so hard to believe I might have friends who want to do nice things for me?”

Bree snickered from the seat next to him. “No! It just seems like lending someone a house is a bit more than lending someone your… power saw.”

“Well then, my dear, that is my challenge for you. Become the sort of person who is offered houses rather than… hand mixers.” He smiled widely at her, tightening his grip on the steering wheel at a particularly deep pothole.

“I’d rather be offered a power saw over a hand mixer, if those are my options.” She smirked and winked at him. Or, more accurately, blinked. She had not yet mastered the art of winking just one eye and instead blinked with a slight dip of her head, something he found utterly charming.

“Here we are,” Frank said, leaning forward to see the cabin as he pulled the car to a stop at the top of the drive.

Frank and Claire unloaded the cars and gave up trying to get Bree to help as she ran through the cabin chattering about how perfect it all was, especially the screened sleeping room off the back. She bolted out the door, leaping over a steel wash basin, her voice swallowed by the forest.

The cabin was small, but modern enough that they had running water, a wood stove for heat, and a bathroom. Frank’s shoulders relaxed as he dropped a stack of shirts in the dresser drawer. The place was a bit musty, so he pushed open a few windows and ventured back toward the kitchen where he’d left Claire to organize. He found her standing at a window, looking out through the trees, her eyes seeing something else. He hadn’t seen that distant look in a long time and felt a panic rise in him. He couldn’t let her slip away now. He couldn’t pretend what they had was ideal, but if she let herself drown in her past, she’d be lost not just to him, but to Bree as well. That fear gnawed at him.

“Shall we go for a hike? Stretch our legs and get the lay of the land? Bob said there’s a creek a half mile or so away. Good for fishing.”

“Hm?” She turned to him, eyes slowly refocusing. “Yes, let me find a basket.”

The trail to the creek was well worn, but the summer had been wet and new growth began to crowd the edges, pushing tiny branches and brambles into their path. Frank made a note to bring the hatchet next time to clear some of it away. Once settled in with their fishing rods, feet propped on smooth stones along the edge of the water, Claire began wandering, crouching now and then and dropping herbs into the basket hanging from her arm. Bree lost interest in staring at the water with Frank and joined her mother.

“What are you going to do with these, Mama? Are we eating them? They don’t look very good.”

“Ha! No, I suppose they aren’t all that appetizing. I might use some in our food this week, this thyme for instance. But some I will take back with me to the hospital.”

Bree looked at her mother as if she’d spoken another language. “Why?”

“Well, some herbs have healing properties, settling stomachs, soothing pain, all sorts of things. I like to have options.” She spoke matter-of-factly, but her smile was nervous, having been on the receiving end of suspicious looks from her colleagues when introducing herbs to her treatment plans.

“Did you learn about them in medical school?” Bree asked.

“Hmm, no. No, I had read some books before I went to medical school and… Well, I spent some time using more natural… remedies.” Claire’s voice trailed off, catching her words before they shattered the walls she’d built to keep the past at bay.

“‘Learn by doing.’ My biology teacher says that all the time.” Bree added a handful of yarrow to the basket and brushed her hands on her pant legs.

“Books cannot always prepare you for the reality of things. That is very true.” Claire leaned forward and kissed the top of her daughter’s head, pulling a leaf from her curls.

The days at the cabin were long and peaceful. The fresh air and exercise knocked them all out cold before the sun fell below the horizon. Bree woke on the fourth day and found her mother setting her bag on the front porch.

“Do you really have to go?”

Claire turned back to her daughter, a sad smile on her face. “I do. I’m sorry, dear. But I’ll see you in three days. And you will have a wonderful time with your father. Although you are in charge of extracting any splinters he gets now. Think you can manage?”

“Ugh no! I hate splinters. Daddy will have to live with them. I think I’ll pass out if I have to pull any out,” she said, half-joking.

Claire kissed her daughter goodbye and slipped away before Frank woke.

After breakfast, Brianna washed the dishes and went outside to find Frank. He wasn’t out front chopping wood where she’d expected him, but rather behind the cabin, about twenty yards into the woods. He held a rifle at his side, and Brianna’s eyes went wide.

“Bree. Come here.”

“Really?” she asked, disbelief shadowing her face.

A conspiratorial smile answered her.

“You’re going to teach me how to shoot?” she asked when she reached his side.

“Well, yes. I was thinking, Bree, about what you said in the car. That you are not the kind who will be pleased to borrow a hand mixer. You get that from your mother, I think. But you are bright and meticulous and determined, which are all good qualities for a marksman. Or markswoman, as it were. And based on your glee this week, I suspect you may find yourself living in the woods someday so this skill might come in handy.”

She grinned back at him, bright and eager, and his heart swelled with pride. So much of his life as her father was lost to the mundanity of existence, the unrecognized coming and going, the tiny steps that led to big leaps with little to remark upon if only because it was merely part of life. But in this moment he felt the gentle nudge of time, that he, and she, would look back on this memory, distinct and pivotal. That when she thought of him years from now, after he was long gone, she might think of learning to shoot with him in the woods.

It was not deliberate. He did not know when he taught her to shoot that she truly would find herself living in the woods someday. But he did consider, later when he found proof of his wife’s return to the past, that perhaps there had been some subconscious truth behind it all, that he was meant to take her shooting in the woods. That he was meant to come to America. That Claire had to go through the stones and return to him. That it all was meant to be.

#outlander fanfiction #otheroutlandertales #mod fulo #pair: frank x claire #ch: bree #ch: frank #ch: claire #canon compliant #missing moment #oot #*

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nightfayre · 5 years

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I trully believe Momo sometimes sneaked away in his free time and went to try the electric guitars at the music store and play by himself. I guess he stopped coming by as he gradually started filling himself with endless part time jobs till he had almost no spare time at all or understood he had the financial priority of helping his mom with debts. I feel like he likes to browse music vids or music related stuff from time to time in his phone, and maybe is saving for a guitar. D'aww my boy

Im the one from the guitar head canon. I just came to the realization that since He Tian and the gang intervened and prevented Mo from dropping out of school and going the wrong path with the delinquents, he ended up ditching the street thug life/easy money and understood he’d have to earn his money with honest hard work, thus getting into endless part time jobs. And I think He Tian was a turning point in this, specially cause before the Studio job, we’d see Mo lazing around way more.

okay i can totally get behind this headcanon because the idea of Mo religiously having a pair of headphones at hand is so believeable because 1) music is such a nice escape from the world and 2) obviously, he feels a pull towards music! i mean, i’m sure there are other examples of him with headphones, but this is the only one i can remember right now:

and honestly, that chapter in which Mo and He Tian walked by the guitar store makes me wonder just how many times Mo has looked in those windows, wanting but not allowed to want because he has so many bigger problems that a middle schooler shouldn’t have to deal with. and although i’m sure he always thinks about setting aside money to save up for the guitar, i’m also sure that the guilt gnaws at him until he caves, holds his tongue, and chooses to put the money towards paying the bills instead…

as for the second part of your headcanon — i totally agree! i never considered that He Tian & Co might have influenced Mo’s work ethic. i also think that He Tian giving Mo a quick job at his friend’s photography studio was such a great step forward in their relationship, because in that chapter it became obvious that He Tian was aware of Mo’s situation and wanted to help him in ways that weren’t as “threatening” as having Mo be his maid/cook. of course, i don’t ever think Mo “lazed around;” he’s a responsible and caring son, and he’d never abandon his mother when she obviously needs help. nonetheless, while it’s terrible that someone his age is having to work so hard, i’m glad he has a trio of idiots that often distract him and make him forget the shit he has to go through and force him to act… well, act like a normal teenager

#19 days #tianshan #(kinda)#this was such a long and convoluted answer but i got carried away because i love these headcanons so much!! thank you!!!#mailbox #anon

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kpopblog91 · 7 years

Text

Confused

Summary: Jimin + you = sex but you + jungkook are a couple so + confusion and + guilt + cheating but also + nastiness. sorry thats my best description lmao

Type: SMUT. 18++++

Length: 6.8 k

A/N: My revised jimin smut so there would be no more confusion. i worked on the revised part in like 15 mins so sorry TT, i have a hoseok smut coming next so look out for that one! enjoy~

“Do you think he’d hate me?” Jimin’s voice was quiet, his fingers gripping the bottle of beer in his hand, he didn’t even look in Hoseok’s direction, only hearing a sigh from him.

“He’d kill you.”

Hoseok was right. Jimin didn’t answer him either way though. He opted to watch you instead.

You were laughing, your arms wrapped around Jungkook’s waist as you both swayed to the light music at the party, your bottles of beer in hand as you twirled and spun. Your hair framed your face in the most inviting way, your hoops glinting in the light of the dorms, your dark red dress creating patterns in the wind, and Jimin frowned.

Your body was clinging to the dress, and your lipstick was a little faded into a beautiful muted pink color, glittery eyelids and long eyelashes sparkled against your face as you and Jungkook danced around.

Jimin watched, his mood turning more sour by the second.

“I don’t care.” Jimin announced quietly, sulking and still not taking his gaze away from you. But Hoseok was gone and Jimin was left alone on the couch, his liquid courage lighting his fire as he chewed on his lip.

Your curves, your hair, your skin, Jimin wanted to touch it all, he wanted to feel it under him, he wanted you to wrap your arms around him the same way you did for Jungkook.

Jimin bit his lip harder, tasting a little blood.

He watched as you pulled away from Jungkook for a moment, taking a swig of your drink, laughing at something Taehyung said that Jimin didn’t even bother to pick up. His focus was on you, and he couldn’t tear his gaze away.

He didn’t want to. He wanted to stare at you forever.

A slight resolve began to wash over Jimin’s face, a small plan that he didn’t want to acknowledge he was going through with set into motion, and he swallowed hard as he stared at your figure only a few feet away.

“Jungkook-“ he began, his voice only low enough for himself to hear, gulping in his last drink of beer as he stood up, stretching his arms, “I hope you forgive me for tonight.”

Jimin watched as the party goers began to file out his apartment, waving with no enthusiasm as he surveyed the crowd, his mind only a little cloudy as Jungkook began to shut the door behind him. Taehyung plopped on the couch, spreading his legs, and you sat on one of the bar stools. The only 4 left from the night.

“That was nice.” Jungkook began, snaking his way past Jimin’s rigid form in the doorway, hearing him trail with him into the living room.

“Yeah, it was.” Tae piped from the corner, taking a drink from a random bottle of beer which made Jimin grimace, but he didn’t say anything.

It was silent for a few moments, before the small sound of you yawning caught everyone’s attention.

“Kookie-“ Jimin’s blood boiled over, he hated when you called him that. “I’m tired.”

You rubbed at your eyes sweetly, causing the boys besides Jimin to giggle lightly.

“Go sleep in my room Y/n.” Jungkook coughed, coming up next to you, his hands rubbing at your arms softly, and Jimin scowled.

“Mmm.” Was all you hummed, turning around to give Jungkook a kiss on his cheek before you started to make your way down the hallway towards Jungkook’s room, waving meekly to the boys as you padded away.

“I’ll be back in a few baby.” Jungkook called after you, only earning another light hum from you a you disappeared into Jungkook’s room, the door closing behind you.

Jimin didn’t hear the lock latch, and he bit the inside of his cheek.

“Jimin, you wanna come?” Jungkook’s intrusive voice got into his head, causing him to come from his thoughts as he stared at Taehyung and Kook in front of him.

“We’re gonna go pick up some snacks and have a couple more drinks near the park. Hoseok and Jin are there too.” Taehyungs voice was too loud, and Jimin tried his best to look his friendliest, answering the two boys in front of him.

“No, I’m probably gonna head to sleep.” Jimin coughed a little, trying to sound as normal as he could, watching both boys shrug their shoulders as they headed for the door, not even looking back twice. They each picked up their coat from the closet, shutting it before Jungkook finally turned around to answer him, smiling lightly.

“Suit yourself.”

The door was shut softly behind them, and suddenly Jimin stood alone in the middle of the apartment, buzzing. He hadn’t thought it would go that fast. He couldn’t help but gulp as he heard the sound of Jungkook’s car leaving the port, and he felt his knees go a little weak with jelly.

His beer was wearing off, he wasn’t completely drunk, but he didn’t want to admit that he was sober for what he was about to do. He grabbed at the hem of his shirt, pulling in nervousness.

“I cant do this.” Jimin breathed out, his hair flying from the breeze, and he brought his hand up to scratch at his nose, a tick he’d picked up from you out of nervousness.

“I can’t do this.” Jimin said again, a little louder this time. Jungkook was his friend. Jimin shook his head, teeth gnawing against his lips.

“I can’t.”

Jimin shut his eyes then opened them quickly, breathe coming out in small puffs, he couldn’t do it.

He stayed like that for a few minutes, standing in the middle of the living room, his feet hurting from being upright for so long.

Running his hand through his hair, he turned around, heading down the hallway. He really couldn’t do it. He wasn’t drunk anymore, he wouldn’t do it.

He padded down the hallway, his black button up flowing behind him, before slowing a little as he passed up Jungkook’s doorway, stopping completely a few inches a head of it. He gulped.

He couldn’t do it. Jimin knew he couldn’t. So he had no idea what he was doing when he turned on his heel, his hand reaching for the knob, holding it as his heartbeat quickened.

He licked at the inside of his mouth, it was dry, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

“No.” He mumbled, trying to will himself to stop, but his hand still stayed on the door knob, and he was getting antsy.

He didn’t want to hurt Jungkook or you, but he couldn’t help himself.

His hand was still grabbing at the knob as he fought with himself in his head, his feet planted firmly on the ground.

“Maybe...” His voice was barely a whisper, his eyes fluttering open as an idea wandered into his head.

Maybe he could just take a peek at you.

Jimin nodded, agreeing with his own self, just a peek. Just look, once, see you, and leave. Jimin nodded again, finding resolve in his own idea, and he sighed.

Just a peek.

He opened the door, coming face to face with relative darkness, but he frowned. He didn’t see your body anywhere, the bed was made and the pillows were untouched.

Maybe this was a sign, Jimin decided. Maybe this was meant for him to stop being a pervert and trying to get with his best friends girl. He was pathetic.

Jimin was so into his own thoughts of stupidity that he didn’t even notice the bathroom door opening, the both of you unaware as you walked out, towel wrapped around and hair dripping.

You hummed, feeling better after your shower, eyes darting to the bed to see if Jungkook was back, before noticing a figure in the corner, and you couldn’t help but jump before realizing who it was.

“Jimin?”

His head snapped up, and his eyes bulged out his head, it was almost too comical, and you couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out.

“Y-y/n!” Jimin exclaimed, his hands coming to mask over his eyes, he wanted to die.

You smiled again, not really bothered but a little confused. You sauntered up to the bed, your towel wrapped round as you picked up your brush, watching Jimin’s form.

“Looking for Jungkook?” You mused, the boys didn’t really have a sense of privacy so you didn’t mind too much, it was an easy mistake.

“You can take your hands away, I’m not, naked or anything.”

Jimin peeled his hand of of his face, peeking through his fingers before they were fully off his face, and you giggled again, he was cute.

“N-no.”

Jimin’s answer took you by surprise, if he wasn’t here for Jungkook then why was he here?

You leaned on the edge of the bed, grabbing at the bottle of lotion on the dresser. You reached out too fast and watched as it began to topple over, falling flat on the floor, causing you to frown.

“Let me get that.” Jimin’s voice was small, but he sauntered up to where you stood near the bed, your towel wrapped around loosely, hair still wet. He picked it up from the ground, suddenly very close to you now and you swallowed. He held the lotion bottle up to you, his cheeks warm and you wondered why.

“Thank you.”

You took the bottle from him, placing it between your hands and squeezing. Jimin stayed in your vicinity, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Taking some lotion, you sat on the bed and began to apply it, unsure of what else to say to Jimin as he stared at you.

You stopped, realizing you couldn’t reach your back without exposing yourself to Jimin, and just as you were about to say something, he spoke up.

“Do you need some help?”

His question took you aback, and you held the lotion bottle loosely. You knew you probably shouldn’t take him up on it and tell him to go, but you didn’t know why you hadn’t done exactly that yet. You stared back up at him, and the quiet nervous look he had plastered on his face from earlier was gone, his eyes dark.

“Ah, s-sure.”

The words left your mouth and you bit your lip, watching as Jimin came closer, settling on the bed next to you.

“Turn around.”

Jimin’s voice was deep and it caused you to shiver even though you were already dry.

You gulped and began to move your body around, giving Jimin a full view of your back wrapped up in the towel, and he choked back a groan.

Your breathing began to speed up and you couldn’t understand why. You knew what this would look like if Jungkook walked in, and that thought made you clench your legs, feeling only a little guilty.

Behind you Jimin closed the lotion bottle, his hands lathered in the substance. He gulped again, before he placed his two hands along your smooth back, beginning to rub between the shoulder blades and along your mid back. He felt himself grow a little in his jeans as he continued to smooth onto your skin.

Jimin’s hands felt good. They were rough and thicker than Jungkook’s, who’s hands were smaller and soft, and the feeling of his hands on your back cause you to moan a little bit, you couldnt help it.

Jimin’s skin burned when he heard the small sound come from your mouth, and he was more than halfway hard. He gulped again, testing the waters as he began to rub the lotion down to your hips, opening up the towel a little bit.

You felt his hands venture and didn’t say anything, you felt too good, Jimin’s hands were like magic and you couldn’t understand why you weren’t telling him to leave. All thoughts of Jungkook were barely playing into your thoughts, Jimin’s hands were pushing the memory of him further and further back.

“D-do you wanna lay down for me?”

Jimin’s voice caused your body to stiffen, his hands had felt so good. His offer to lay down was tempting, you knew you shouldn’t. You couldn’t. Jungkook could be back home any second. You didn’t know why Jimin was doing all this, but it felt so right.

“Yeah.” You breathed out, you couldn’t give any reason for it other than you wanted to, so badly.

“Good girl.” Jimin breathed against your neck, causing you to groan. This was going fast. You didn’t know why you weren’t stopping it. You wanted it to continue. You vowed you’d stop it if it went too far, but you had a feeling it was already there and neither of you made any move to stop.

You turned around, meeting Jimin’s eyes for the first time since he started rubbing your back, and something was different. Jimin wasn’t the same Jimin as before, and you couldn’t help at the pooling feeling in your tummy.

Before you knew it, his mouth was against yours, his lips were soft and intense and you found yourself kissing back. Your head was going dizzy from the sudden contact, Jimin’s kiss knocked the air out of you but you couldn’t tear away from his lips to breathe.

His hands came up around your neck, holding you there lightly, you were being lightly pushed back, and you knew where this was going and you wanted it to happen more than anything.

He pulled away from your mouth, allowing you to drink in air for a few seconds, looking at you with hungry eyes.

“Is this okay?”

You couldn’t nod faster.

Jimin’s mouth was on yours again, lying you down on the bed, your towel unwrapping naturally, you both knew this wasn’t okay, but you couldn’t stop.

He kissed you with voracity that you had never felt kissing Jungkook, your stomach was turning flips and it was all brand new and it felt so good.

He kissed down your neck, sucking on the skin as you grabbed at his shoulders, letting soft moans intermix with the dim light in the room.

“Y/n.” Your name rolled of his tongue, causing you to squirm under him.

“You don’t know-“ He began, peppering kisses as he began to lower himself on your body, taking your one of your breasts inside his mouth, making your body tense. “You don’t know how long i’ve been waiting to do this.”

Something about Jimin maybe thinking of doing this to you in the past made you moan out loud, shutting your eyes in ecstasy as he continue to nip and suck at your breasts.

“Jimin.” You moaned, feeling him swirl his tongue along your tummy, he was moving down very fast, desperation is his kisses.

He licked a stripe along the skin right above your clenched thighs. His hands came up roughly to grab at them, pulling them open and causing you to moan.

“I’m gonna eat you out.”

You couldn’t say anything other than a light moan, Jimin was taking all your energy and you felt amazing.

He kissed the skin around your thighs, licking in all the crevices around your slit, you were the desperate one now. Bucking your hips up, Jimin smiled, he was so happy to see you enjoying it as mu h as he did, enjoying it as much as he had fantasized you would.

Finally, finally, he let his mouth swipe quickly over your slit, he had wanted to taste you so bad, and as his tongue ran over you, you jolted, Jimin’s tongue was working on your clit now, flattening and flicking at it, causing you to jerk from the pleasure.

“Fuck.” Jimin mumbled against you, his plump lips planting some kisses on you before he started to lick again. “It’s not fair.”

You didn’t ask him, partially cause you couldn’t find the words as he licked inside of you, but Jimin found it unfair that Jungkook got to do this to you every night, he got to lick you and kiss you and Jimin didn’t.

He sucked on your clit with more enthusiasm, his hand reaching down to find your entrance, and he groaned at how wet you were.

“I’m gonna put a finger in.”

“Please, Jimin.”

He slipped in easily, curving his fingers along your walls as you clenched around him. His lips never moving from you clit. You felt too good, Jimin’s fingers and mouth were becoming too much, the familiar burn at your stomach causing you to moan even louder.

Jimin was attractive, of course he was, of course you had thought of him in this way, it was natural, but it was happening and you couldn’t figure anything out. Why? How? When? You were clueless. But you could only moan at Jimin pumping his fingers in you, his plump lips sucking and his tongue toying with your clit, and you bit your lip. This was bad. Very bad.

“Y/n.” Jimin said your voice, mixed in with a long guttural moan as he licked at you, his hips still snapping against the bed.

You shook your head again, unable to control the way your stomach began to tighten, you wanted to come now, you needed to, Jimin had you far too gone to think it through.

“Jimin.” You moaned, causing him to groan again.

He quickened his fingers and his tongue, switching between french kissing your clit and sucking on it and you moved your hips against his face as you felt your tummy warm.

“J-Jimin...” You let out a breathy moan, still causing him to reply back to you in the same way.

“You wanna come?” He asked against your clit, and you nodded, unsure if he could even see you.

“Let me hear you say it.”

You froze up, whining as you felt his tongue and fingers stop, and you tried to rock up against him, but his other hand firmly held your hips down as he glanced up to look at you.

“Admit you want me to make you come. And I will.”

You stared at him, unsure of what to do, but you felt your orgasm fleeting away, and you wanted it right now more than logic could explain.

“Jimin I...” You started, trailing off as he watched you.

“You can do it.” He said. You weren’t sure if it was him reassuring you, or stating something, and you couldn’t help but stare at his lips as your heat began to pool more and more.

“Jimin... please. Make me come.”

Jimin smiled, his heart quickening as you spoke those words, he wanted to pass out hearing you say it, he couldn’t wrap his head around it, but he had said he would make you come, so he dipped his head again.

You threw yours back this time, moaning with relief as Jimins tongue found your clit again and his fingers starting pumping with a curl inside of you, a tear began to well up in your eye, you didn’t understand why this felt so good.

“Oh my god.” You whispered, feeling Jimin’s fingers and tongue work it’s magic, your vision was going cloudy and your stomach was burning again and you could feel you were close.

“Fuck, y/n.” Jimin groaned inside of you, “you’re so tight around my fingers, so warm.”

You heaved your chest at his words, Jungkook never talked to you like that.

“Your pussy is so pretty, y/n. It tastes so good. Fuck, I want to do this forever.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, his words sending waves to your bottom half, and you could only moan against him.

He began to brush up against your g spot, causing you to recoil from the pleasure as he assaulted you with his tongue, his fingers never wavering in pace.

You felt your stomach tighten, you knew you were close, you couldn’t escape your orgasm, it was coming and Jimin even knew it, opening his mouth a little wider to swallow any stray juices, and you couldn’t make out a clear sentence as the feeling of your orgasm began to wash over you.

“Come... I’m gonna...” You got that out, before the feeling hit you, and you slammed your head against the headboard, barely hearing Jimin as he helped you ride out your orgasm.

“Yes y/n, that’s it, come around my fingers. You look so fucking pretty when you come, shit.”

You stopped breathing for a second, squeezing your eyes as your body convulsed against your will, shuttering as waves of pleasure left your body, leaving you limp as you tried to regain your breathe, feeling Jimin’s tongue still lap at you, drinking in the juices you had emitted and you hissed.

You opened your eyes now, your orgasm creating a buzz around your body, as you felt Jimin pull away from your pussy with a pop.

He stared up at you and you stared back, staying that way for a bit.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke the same sentence from earlier, except it was small and meek now, he sounded upset, and you watched him as he moved himself from the bed, and you didn’t know why you felt sad watching him go.

He pulled up and away, and that’s when you noticed the tent in his jeans as he smoothed his hand against the fabric, your body still teeming.

He began to walk away, fast, and your voice spoke up before you could understand why.

“Jimin.”

He stopped dead in his tracks, not turning around to face you.

“Jimin come here.” You didn’t know what you were doing, but you sat up and patted the bed, still basking in your own afterglow.

He turned around sharply, his eyes bulging as he walked up to you, and you saw him gulp.

“i’m-“ He tried to apologize again, but you held up your hand.

“Let me help you.” You looked at his mound, and you watched him choke out a groan.

“No, you don’t have to-you can’t.” Jimin watched your face, confused.

“I want to.” You didn’t know what you were saying, but any thoughts of Jungkook and any consequences had been pushed far away into the back of your head, you wanted Jimin right now, you wanted him, he was new.

“Y/n...”

He walked up to you anyways, even if you could see the apprehensiveness on his face.

You couldn’t pinpoint why you wanted to do this for him, but you did.

He stood in front of you, his mound level with your face, and you stared up at him for a few seconds, before reaching out and cupping him in his jeans, and he bit his lip.

Jimin watched you with wide eyes, gulping as you began to rub him through his jeans, switching between looking at him and looking at his bulge.

“Y/n... Fuck.” He moaned once you grabbed him harder, placing an open mouthed kiss against his jeans, wetting the entire thing. You couldn’t understand why, but you wanted Jimin. It was like months of ignoring him were coming up to smack you in the face, you were Jungkook’s girlfriend, you kept yourself in line. But jimin had crossed that line, and now you were too far gone to think about any consequences that might be had.

Jimin suddenly reached out to grab the back of your hair, wrapping it in his hand, and he pulled your head back roughly, and you liked it.

“I don’t want to come in my fucking jeans.” Jimin growled, and you gulped, his nervousness completely gone as he reached down with his free hand to do undo himself from his belt, quickly shedding his pants and kicking them downwards, his boxers following with it. His cock sprang free from its cage, and you gasped a little.

He was much, much, thicker than Jungkook, about the same in length. He had one long vein running through the underside, and his head was pink and throbbing, twitching on its own as you stared at it. Jimin smiled as he watched you, content in your reaction.

“Say ah.” Jimin teased, watching as you looked up at him with wet eyes, before quickly stretching out your lips, and Jimin’s eyes sparkled even more at your willingness. Things went a lot better than he had planned for tonight.

He leaned in, holding his cock with the hand that wasn’t in your mouth and smacked the tip against your tongue that was protruding it. You moaned a little, feeling Jimin start to slide his length along your tongue, before starting to slip his entire length inside you mouth before you had time to react.

“That’s it Y/n, take all of it inside.” He hummed, watching as you closed your lips around his length, your hair still wrapped in his hands. Jimin’s cock felt snug in your mouth, tasting like salty skin, and you could smell the leftover cologne wafting over from his button up, causing you to groan a little bit.

“Fuck.” Jimin started, moving his hand to cup at your chin as he slide his cock in a little more, starting to get dangerously close to the back of your throat.

You hadn’t moved the entire time, instead letting him adjust his cock inside your mouth. You pulled your head back a little bit, out of instinct, and Jimin growled.

“Don’t move. You’re gonna let me put my whole fucking cock inside your mouth and you’re gonna say thank you afterwards. Got it?” His tone shot directly to your stomach, causing you to clench your legs, but you could only blink up at him.

“Answer me.” His hands pulled at your hair, causing more of a shock, and you hummed an answer around his member, seemingly pleasing him.

“Good girl. Now open wider.”

Jimin started to push himself inside of you, his length causing your lips to tear a little bit from the lack of preparedness, but that only made your panties pool more.

He pulled his hips back once he got a good portion of his cock inside your mouth, and he began to slowly snap his hips inside your mouth, you flattened your tongue against his length as he went in and out, causing his hand to tighten in your hair and his fingers to hold your chin a little tighter as he groaned.

“You’re a good girl aren’t you? Taking my entire length inside your mouth, letting my cock in the same place you kiss Jungkook with.”

The mention of jungkook you thought, should have had you feeling something, something like guilt maybe. But you only felt more arousal, and you found yourself humming an answer to him around his length while he continued to move his member inside your mouth.

“Are you gonna let me come in your mouth baby? Come all inside your mouth, so you can kiss Jungkook later on? He wouldn’t even know. But I would. Fuck.” Jimin groaned, continuing to hold your head in place as he pumped himself in your mouth, your throat felt numb but you didn’t care, you didn’t want this to stop.

Jimin’s hips began to still, his moaning increasing and decreasing randomly, he was close to coming. He wanted to come inside of you. He needed too.

Before you knew it, Jimin pulled himself from inside your warm wet mouth, causing him to hiss when his cock hit the cold air of the room. He watched as a trail of saliva left your mouth and trailed along the head of his member and he groaned.

“Turn around.” Jimin barked out, letting your hair and chin go, finally letting you move your head as you gasped a little from the lack of air you had been getting, watching as he moved to hop on the bed with you. You couldn’t help but stare at him, he looked amazing, his features blending in with the dimness of the room, his blonde hair messy now and his lips red from biting them. You could only blink.

“I said turn around. We don’t have time for this.” Jimin said sharply, and you found yourself nodding for no reason, turning around on the bed immediately and feeling Jimin’s hands come up to grasp at your hips, hard and firm.

“Lift up your ass. I’m gonna fuck you now.” Jimin announced, and you didn’t care, you just wanted him inside you, you wanted more.

“Please Jimin.” You didn’t know what you were begging for, but you wiggled your ass as you felt him adjust himself behind you, and Jimin gulped.

“You’re so fucking...” Jimin let his sentence trail off, unable to finish as he ran his hands along your ass, you were beautiful. There was no other words to describe it.

“Jimin.” You moaned again, feeling him rake his hands along your back and bottom, your wanted him inside you, you were getting antsy.

“I know.” He supplied, he was getting antsy too. He didn’t know what time it was, but he had been in your room for at least 30 minutes, he needed to use his time quickly.

“Lift your ass up more, baby.” Jimin demanded in a softer voice and your complied, letting your hair drape over your face and around your shoulders as you felt him grab your hips in earnest.

He wrapped his hand around his cock, and gently brought it to your entrance, letting it softly run between the folds of your wet slit, and you found yourself humming and rocking back against him.

“Fuck.” Jimin bit his lip, watching as his precum spread with your juices, he wanted to clean it off you right then.

He held his tip against your entrance then, softly starting to push in. Slowly.

“Jimin. Please. Inside.” Was all you could muster, your skin hot as he toyed with you, and you could almost see the smirk on his face.

“You want me inside of you?” Jimin started, his cock twitching at your entrance. “You want me to fill your little pussy up? You want me to fuck you and come inside of you? Let your pretty little hole get filled with my come, is that what you want baby?”

Jimin’s words were hitting your hard, and you were so desperate for anything you began grinding at the air, and Jimin laughed again.

“Yes, yes Jimin I want that. I want you to come inside of me.” You moaned, head bent over as you felt his cock still only play outside of your pussy.

“Ask for it nicely.”

You bit your lip, and hesitated. You didn’t know why, you knew he’d do anything he asked of you in this moment.

“P-please Jimin, please put your cock inside of me and come. I want to feel you come inside of me, please. Please.”

Your voice was ragged and that made Jimin groan, he couldn’t believe he had you like this right now. He was basking in it.

“Since you asked so sweetly.”

And then his cock was buried to the hilt inside of you, taking you by surprise and causing you to squeal, the feeling of him stretching you out burning but you were to abuzz with pleasure to care.

“Oh fuck.”

Jungkook never felt like this.

“You’re so fucking tight. Holy shit. Does Jungkook’s cock even reach your pussy?” Jimin half joked as he felt your walls tighten around him, slick wetness glistening as he began to thrust.

You only moaned, you couldn’t understand how Jimin could still be talking. You couldn’t even form words, but Jimin was doing enough talking.

He let his hips pull out of you before thrusting back in. You couldn’t help but note how different and great he felt inside of you. He felt right.

His cock was throbbing inside of you, the slight curve on it making you clench your toes.

Jimin watched his member make its way in and out of you, and he couldn’t catch his breath or control his heart rate, he had thought about this for so long, it felt surreal.

“Does this feel good baby? Hmm?” Jimin leaned down, his lips coming to kiss at a sensitive spot on your back, causing you to moan, his hips never faltering.

“J-Jimin, yes. It feels so-so good.” That took you long to get out, and Jimin noticed, smirking lightly against your skin.

“You feel so good around me too baby. Fuck. I can’t believe i’m in you right now, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted this.

You moaned in response, you hadn’t known how long you wanted this either.

Jimin’s length continuously snapped inside of you, and you could feel your toes go cold from the feeling of him brushing against your g spot, making your eyes water.

“J-Jimin... I-....” You couldn’t form words, gasps overtaking you as Jimin held onto your hips tighter, snapping into you harder, sweat beading on both of your foreheads.

“Yeah y/n? You gonna come all over my cock? Fuck. I wanna come inside you y/n. I wanna fill you up and just know I marked you up. Fuck.”

Jimin’s teeth gnawed at the skin on your neck now, and you felt your eyes roll into the back of your head by instinct. Everything felt too good.

His hips sputtered, his throbbing length starting to hit exactly at your spot, and you found yourself screaming into a pillow, you couldn’t help it, Jimin fit perfectly inside you, he felt right.

“Holy shit.” You managed to get out as you got closer to your second orgasm, you couldn’t believe this was happening, you never got a second orgasm with Jungkook, let alone a vaginal orgasm. Your head was spinning.

“Y/n, fuck, I’m gonna come soon.” Jimin groaned, and he was. Seeing you bent over for him, screaming into a pillow, your walls clenched around him, he wasn’t going to last much longer.

You couldn’t answer him though, already at the verge of your second orgasm, and you could only go quiet, mouth gaping as you felt the same familiar cool feeling wash over your body. You clenched around Jimin, hearing him moan behind you spurring you on as your second orgasm completely wrecked your body.

“That’s right Y/n. Such a good girl coming on my cock, you’re so amazing.”

You felt your walls tighten against Jimin’s cock instinctively, but you couldn’t do much more for Jimin as he continued to fuck into other than lay there. You’re last orgasm took breath away from you, you couldn’t even see straight.

“Ah fuck. You’re squeezing me. Im gonna come Y/n. I’m gonna come inside you, you’re gonna be filled up with my cock while Jungkook’s away, on his bed, you’re such a bad girl.” Jimin thrusted in you a few more times, his heavy breathing music to your ears. “I’m- fuck. I’m coming.”

You suddenly felt warm spurts of Jimin’s come milking itself inside of you, you moaned at the feeling, you wanted every drop inside of you. You couldn’t explain why.

Jimin only moaned and stuttered as he came inside, his come leaking out only a little from your pussy. He couldn’t see straight either, his head was fuzzy, he had just come inside you and he couldn’t believe how amazing it felt.

He pumped lazily into you a few more times, making sure all his come was inside of you, before you felt him come up and kiss against your neck sweetly.

He pulled out of you slowly with a slight hiss, his soft member completely milked. You felt him slide your towel back around you, the fabric connecting with the come he left inside of you going sticky.

He crawled off of your back, letting his arms grab at your shoulders and gingerly placing you on the bed, you were too weak and let him.

You stared into his eyes as he kneeled on the bed now, only his t shirt on as he watched you watch him. It was quiet.

Jimin’s guilt began to wash over his face, and you could tell.

“Y/n, I’m.... I’m so sorry.” It didn’t sound like his other two apologies, this sounded... genuine.

You blinked your eyes, you didn’t understand why you didn’t care, you didn’t want him to be sorry.

“No. I... I liked this.” You didn’t know what that meant, and Jimin cocked his head at you.

“You liked this?”

You shrugged at him. You didn’t know.

“I’m such a bad friend.” Jimin rubbed at his eyes, oh that was right, Jungkook.

You didn’t know what to say to that.

“I’m a bad girlfriend.” You spoke. Realizing what just happened.

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

You both stayed silent for a bit, before Jimin finally got up, grabbing his boxers from the floor.

“I-This won’t happen again. I swear. You can tell Jungkook, I can tell him. I screwed up-“ Jimin was rambling, and you found yourself grabbing at whatever energy you had to sit up and tug at his shirt.

“I don’t know what happened. But it felt good Jimin. It felt very good. I know you felt it too.”

Jimin gulped, buttoning the last button on his jeans before he turned to face you.

He knew what you were talking about, it felt too good. It felt better than anything he had ever felt before.

“I-but Jungkook. You two are in love.” Jimin interjected, and you winced.

Did you love him? You weren’t sure. He had said it to you already, but you hadn’t said it back. You enjoyed his company. You liked him, yeah. But could you say love?

“I like him, Jimin.” You mumbled, watching his face carefully.

You bit your lip.

“I... I like you too.”

Jimin caught his breath at your words.

“Y-you do?”

You shut your eyes, running a hand through your hair.

“I felt something Jimin.”

“I did too. I didn’t want to say it.”

You continued to stare at each other. Unsure of what to do.

You opened your mouth to talk, before he distant sound of a car pulling in the drive way made you and Jimin burst into a cold sweat.

“Fuck. I gotta go y/n, I... Here.” Jimin grabbed your phone that was on the nightstand, quickly handing it to you to unlock, and he tapped his number in, just as two car doors shut, and you gulped.

“Text me.”

You nodded, watching as Jimin stood there for a second, staring at you, before the sound of Jungkook’s car honking as it locked brought you both out of it.

He tapped his foot, watching as you still stared up at him with doe eyes. Leaning down, he placed a small kiss on your lips, and you felt electricity zap through your body when you remembered it was the first time you touched your lips to his this sweetly.

Jimin stroked your cheek, hearing the boys walk up to the front door, and he had to force himself to turn around, not wanting to leave yet.

“I have to go.” Jimin said, you nodded.

Watching him leave, he shut the door behind him, shooting you a small smile as he went his own way, and you stared at the door after he was gone.

The front door opened, just as Jimin’s own door closed, you could hear Jungkook in the distance.

You remembered you were still full of Jimin’s come, and you sighed as you began to get up to go wash yourself out again before Jungkook came in the room.

You waddled and shut the door to the bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror for a second, phone in hand.

Jimin’s number was padded into your phone. You had never had it, and now it was saved, and your heart jumped a little bit.

You sat on the tile of the bathroom, not ready to completely wash the night away. Fiddling with his contact information.

You didn’t know what you felt, but whatever happened tonight scratched the surface of it. You heard Jungkook and Tae loudly talking in the living room, drunkenly.

Too many emotions filtered through you, you felt good, you felt bad, you felt emotional.

Jimin... Park Jimin.

You lowered your eyes to your lock screen. A selfie of you and Kookie, and your stomach twisted a little.

You let the confusion wash over you as you went to turn on the shower, blinking your eyes and trying to remember the ways Jimin touched you.

The steam filled up the bathroom quickly, and you sat down in the tub, legs weak still.

You had never felt more confused in your entire life.

In another room, Jimin laid in bed, wide awake as he stared at his ceiling.

He had felt it too.

He wanted it to happen again.

He wanted you. Over and over again now.

But still, at the same time, he had never felt more confused in his entire life either.

#jimin smut #bts scenarios #bts smut #bts reactions #bts drabble #bangtan scenarios #bangtan smut #bangtan reactions #bangtan boys smut #kpop smut #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #smut #park jimin smut

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lunarfae714 · 7 years

Text

after the vernal equinox, 2015

intimacy

in the unseen,

microbes flee

off the tongue

dance on the dirty rim of the teamug

bliss

on the mountain bald: the numbing wind of soltitude

guilt

in the bloodmarks on the tight, smoky skin of my lover.

***

let it go--

tybee mushroom tea

the soft songs of wind

playing in the pilsner bottles,

the mildew edges of

sharpened teeth

washed up on a

jetted shorline

catnaps on crooked grey

dark matter comes

in clouds

of grease.

painted scenes from

manhattan museums

& the gulls laugh in ritual

-the squall of sunsets

broken images super-

imposed

into sunflower seeds.

***

jaco

the woman of the sea

reigns the high tide

her power unseen,

& women drink free.

my intuition is stronger here,

dreams dark & strange, now i

watch the fan,

how the spinning taco

moves the water bubbles

on my skin.

i hear voices in the fan,

through the bamboo,

spirits dance through shadows

in sober hallucinations

my magic is fueled-

i know how people feel, where the

lost objects go.

the abuelita ghost

disgraces our dirty hostel,

why she hangs around above the cast irons

to shame how the land has moved.

the land of iguanas

and stray dogs,

the street horses

for show.

dazed by the dark

crows above,

the birds yell here

woo hoo hoo hoo,

a deep waltz of the hermit.

crabs run free to

challenge me

to a claw-off.

the birdsong &

roosters in early

sunrise & sets.

who now sows the

seeds of this

town of cement?

***

the open heart chakra

unreal

"there is so much Light coming through your eyes"

Light confused, real, or passing

Love talk dissolved into frustration fleeing

"i will take care of you"

in the bathroom at the devil's hour

nude gymnastics on the handicap bars

or the black leather couch

outside in the rain,

where the cameras don't record.

on the beach at the crowded club with the

beds for "lounging," empty pools,

loud music & people changing faces

where's does Light go when you throw your bottle on the street?

you taught me to read the ocean

when to dip on the board, so the currents

wont

sweep me away.

***

forced hustles

when i ride my bicycle out of the tourist town

on to the highway

the welcome goes dissipates.

mango falls like lullabies

over the mountaintops,

the afternoon storm comes every day.

the zebra chicken pace roads

of tall pines lining like curtains

to hide broken huts,

roofs with holes, clustered together,

the old women and men sit

in folding chairs & scorn us

(to stare with a darkness)

my wide eyes and white skin,

undesired swords

papayas for cash

from their backyards

in their grass

walking bills

families against intruders

but the dark pretty boys

beneath the banana patch

throw hellos and whistles into the air

friendlier than the rest

its hard to follow the surfers advice,

shrug it off like layers of clothes

but to be a woman in a sexist country

to hear one more "ay mama"

to try and block out horns

from each car that passes by,

thumbs up, glazed stares,

but i often still take the free drinks

bring peace to

strip the patriarchy at

the end of the night when the lines

between prostitutes and strong women

turn grey with each tequila shot

in fake plastic.

and you are naked in the rain at the end of the night

jumping off the roof of the hotel next to you

shaky shingles under my wet feet

into the swimming pool.

women here are like the horses on the beach

slapped and rode without say,

"when it swells, ride it" says the beach bar,

without question.

the club called space, "because in space,

no one can hear you scream."

i will be strong

when the police motocyclist

stops me to ask if i have a boyfriend,

i got asked today

why my eyes show such confidence

he didnt understand,

pura vida.

***

nunca me dejes con el sabor de miel en mis labios

the roosters warn us of morning

& the grey stray gnaws at my toes

***

embracing the mother archetype

in the hostel home--

herd in the streetpeople,

feed 'em & paint

the cycle of Sky on the walls

because no one should spend a moment

without seeing mother moon.

***

My taste is Aging. With time, I desire someone for the whole run or nothing at all. & the platonic moments in-between....glimpses of Love, some, through the gaps of teeth of sweet teachers, Love is kindness, and I don't hesitate to tell them everything on my mind. But it's not about me. My taste is Aging. As seasons pass, quicker now, i want the patterns on my clothes to fade away-- the prints on t-shirts to melt, words to unwrite themselves, so I can be only color. Earthly hues, crotcheted shades that reflect patterns of time...mud, grass, & mojado. Celery, mirrors of colors i see most. i want to become dirt, for my fingertips to play the piano of the earth. i want to disappear into the bench so they stop looking. or to the bright colored buildings, fade into them, brilliant stains of Spanish colonization, streets once threaded by pirates, filibusters.... my skin is browning, French bread in the oven. caramel flavor in the throat every time I look up, come to the caldeza calle later, let me take you on a trip, familiar faces now they know my name...let me melt into the park bench. now a smiling man asks to share the bench, not an invitation for 20 questions, i thought, as i watch the sweat balls fall off his thick brow and slicked back hair...so much gel satures the combed jetblack hairs...he asks if im a Christian missionary, why i am not writing in Spanish can't you see I'm writing on a stream of consciousness and I cannot understand when you speak as fast as my mind runs why can't I just glide into town and eat scraps like the coyote dogs and men that circle us. the men stand in a pack in all directions, staggered, still. ready to attack. the stranger talks about nica peligroso & I wonder. sweat pounds down my face, no clouds crowd the 3pm sun, and I am wearing white, Duncan's shirt because it reminds me of him. He is my fuel when I am down, I know he will always listen & lift me up. Even if the words aren't always right, the Love, the strongest I have known. Yet my sweat swims on my chest--I love to be naked but I can't here. I return to my job at the bar, a date with my notebook. Interrupted. pass the young kids who sell cigarettes & candy in their handwovenbaskets. I sure wish they weren't so cute. I listen to the church bells ring 5pm, catholic country, mass and processions and women who do Hail Marys in silence as they pass by churches into the streetmarkets where even toy dinosaurs are laid out on the cement. Old town. I will erase my mind so it can be filled with beauty--sights, openness, to experience as I prepare to travel again, alone, in love with the land, in love with the new. Who isn't? I love it here too, I just keep getting myself tangled in neon cobwebs. Who painted my cobwebs? The beach is dirty here & the some serpents love to bite. why are my dreams so vivid and I can feel everything? I have never felt so present, the subconscious world of the bodysoul, reigns in Granada. The volcano watches over everyone. Waiting. On clear days, i can track the crevices with raised eyes, the dips of destruction. Back to the men, there's no darkness in their eyes, only glimpses of sincerity, friendliness in their throats. i want them to notice the dark circles, crescent moons that wax under my eyes- I am tired--the scorching sun, the dorm life of people forever coming & going, the sore back and calves from wandering juices out the bubbles from my blood. I can bounce back. being of water, I am one with the the waves. I will be still soon~I can ignite locals & travelering folk with music, dancing, fast-paced mojitos, sass & stories. I can love everyone when i remember we are one. Traveling tests the pesos mi corazon can lift, what am I doing here, how can I keep the golden light with strangers when such a huge part of me is carved away & replaced by a nervous heart and dizzy stomach. I am learning. It comes in waves & will pass with time. Oscar, the cattle farmer, makes me laugh now as the dogs fight in the street, with cheesy smiles and goofy dances. He tells me I have to learn the history of dance, it's charming. If the moon is right, we will partner as he continues to tell me the rich culture of poor nicas from a sharp tongue. A barb wired bar does the appearing act with the strangers of the eve. i am learning lessons on nourishment from strangers, friends are the richest. I no longer crave what i used to, short affairs, instead Receive Love through language , through movement or starry or sun-eyed guitarists i learn ambitions & spirit through reflections and grow from similar drives in the health way.

Waiting is rich, mature, perfect. I wait for the Love.

Stimulation so easy, so much culture & more flavor to feed the eyes. And Walking, wandering, is meditation, a way to see and cycle mantras in my head, to a clear mind--

***

there is a time of night

when only salsa music plays from the bar

as the nacho macho men

with the necklaces of saints

sing along to ballads of love lost

in the land of lotus flowers

ritual earth dance

smoke & stones

hummingbirds,

sun and no sickness,

hangovers island cured

woken by wild birds of paradise

i wear dirt & facepaint,

smell of smoke & incense,

do not hunger

because food is all around us,

in the sunrays,

the moonbeams.

the land is kind,

inviting to connect our barefeet

to our bare selves,

our purpose, our blessings.

Isla teaches us to be kind,

in the hours of the scorching sun

we carry each other

when the gravel is too hot for the other.

my heart understands-

loses the worry, jealousy, darkness

out of my true essence.

spirit dances down my hairs

wavy & free,

dressing my naked skin

the dirt carresses my feet

clay & the smoothest sand

nothing bites my skin

& the volcanoes are gods,

watching over the island.

we eat vegetarian hot dogs on the beach

(bananas in bread)

over translator books

to aid our conversation.

we watch the rain fall

on the watchtower

we paint cosmic triangles:

material, spiritual, divine

and hold on.

***

warm rain,

and strands of lightning dance

freckles are the stars of the body

telepathy & laughter.

senses awakened, cleansed, reborn

native islandfolk offer rides on their

motorcycles, stuffed with four people

or a place at their home to sleep,

next to giant pigs

gallos replace Granada's churchbells.

crickets, the serenaders of the night.

peter pan, i saw on the ferry

wanted to cradle in his lap

with the large lips

of a cancer man.

old soul

with marypoppins backpack

& digeridoo.

and the sailor.

my time by the water

in the hammock hut

by pirates & drugas.

when i was wondering what to do,

peter told me,

"todo esta volando"

he sucked out the venom.

we’d fry yucca cakes

over a little fire at sunset

local farm workers

passed around a coco loco,

my skin was like job's in the devil's curse

i took it as a sign to leave.

we slept on the sunmat on the porch,

& woke each other up to speak of our dreams

after an evening

of moonlit walks around sleeping bovine

& barbed wire,

stopping to hear the tongue

of mother moon.

on a secret path

through neighbor's farm

staring in awe,

the boys and i.

we then watched the sun set

behind Concepcion volcano

trix-yogurt colors

on a paddleboard with simone

our silhouttes divine

activitating our third eye

sunset on the pineal gland.

nude, smoking the pipe

from a mermaid,

and i thought i’d changed my mind.

the simplicity of island life,

fallen fruit & fires,

houses from palm,

folks drank rum like water,

fished for dinner,

lived with the land,

making love at nighttime.

***

after the island

the angry boss

who doesnt share his fancy meals

speaks only french in a spanish country

has never laughed.

he looks at me, wide-eyed

like im an alien in his house,

terrified & confused

when i go in for a hug.

he spit at me

when i walked away

"an immature child

destined to go nowhere"

i can't say i didn't cry

but i sure have grown a bit

and been around

***

puerto viejo

maid life with the mad frenchman

can't he look around

at the abandoned beaches, clear as sky

with the occasional wanderers,

constant rainbow butterflies

& rich smells of the land, the jungle.

i bicycle on the one sacred road

between the jungle & sea,

a blood vessel highway,

we are beating cells

the strong heart of the land

string nebula clouds circle

between the daily storms

the beach is like a painting-

exposing the meaning of seafoam green

the brushstroke overhead is a jaded blue--

i run my toes along the coral

and the brilliant eyes-turquoise

of a slovenian man meet mine

to ask the time

he holds my hand as i try his slackline.

if only the madman could open up to see

the spiders, sacred mothers of the forest

palm-sized, red-striped, abundant

with webs like vecinas

they are the grandmothers, the ones

with the power in the latin way.

but he couldn't--

so i ran away from the french jungle regime.

that day, the sun painted a golden halo

on each passing body,

the sand & sea shone like glitter--

cerulean & pumpernickle

i ran faster than my sweatfall,

fueld by french elitism & the manic madman.

& the hearts, doors, jobs, opened as answers,

enlightened spacetalk from starseeds,

touch, words, and galatic downloads

purififying

maca starships & hummus hugs,

raising vibrations,

a new environment

for a deadly disease.

followed by wild dog

i out hold my thumb

and trust in the yoniverse.

***

We hide our room key in Ulysses

& fall asleep to the stream.

This truely is the rich coast--

i watch prices ascend in the tourist blackholes

of the sea. you have to pay to leave

this country, and pay hundreds

for an import.

lets turn folks to dollar signs

stand at the cascada,

dive past the reef to see clearly

the creatures live more freely than us.

***

the only sunny day in a month,

everyone at the playa

& i

cluelessly mind the lodge

watch the freckle bugs do the pac man

along the bamboo bench,

the curtains' slow return

after the windspell,

the slightest turn from the

four diseased & sleeping dogs

& the still spider

above the bookshelf.

i listen to sitar instrumentals,

peck through Wuthering Heights,

pick a stray banana off the bunch,

as the howler monkeys' deathly cry grows & grows,

and wonder if i am moving at all.

***

the longer i wait,

the longer Plath resonates--

[i think i made you up inside my head]

***

my life is funny--

each night i have sleepovers

with a sweet, random man:

construction worker, volunteer,

survivor, who's made it.

enamored with fishing,

his desert home,

indian warfare,

accidents.

we drink from dirty glasses

(in the night, the cucurachas

throw a party--i see them scrambling

in the morning

with the eggs)

i think life focused on investments,

retirement plans, the great divide

is a scary story

as he pokes at me for being so lost,

but now-

the sun climbed out after days of strong tears--

tears that took electric sockets so we could remember

to live with the land

tears that knocked a tree

on the house of Tao

so his books could be cleansed.

the hummingbirds' salsa

& my dirty, lost self

will take each moment with gratitude,

each bite on my body, doubt on my mind

and just be--

as i wander the garden of Tao.

***

my spanish is best with the children,

they are on my level,

delany, the nude 3-year old

i met in the ocean

we sat in shallow water

& played with the crabs,

their elusivity, our entertainment.

alejandra, the maid's daughter,

my closest nina,

we share a wildness of emotions,

and snacks.

***

throwing rocks at plastic bottles

the wasteland is wasting away,

soon, we will too.

***

bocas del toro,

dirty, spanish verision of venice.

can be oddly romantic,

fellow travelers look to fall in love,

on the candlelit pier

pure families outside the port town.

drunk taxi boat drivers,

dirty turquoise water,

& translucent waters of starfish beach

too beautiful to be touched, free

unlike the lobster in mesh bags,

the unreal clouds a spliff in the sky,

wild colors at sunset

over a wild jungle,

waves

in theit flavor-colored homes,

people are happier by the sea.

on bastimentios,

a neighbor isle,

i am one of five non-natives,

hike for hours in the jungle,

thick mud paths,

found petroglyphs,

to the beach with the piercing redfrogs.

beach hunger

of stray dogs

& children with machetes,

who want a pack of cheap ham.

i play poker,

cook for a family

in an unlocked pastel cabin

over the sea.

i escaped to the cloud forest in the mountains

where the deerflies roam freely,

& the men here stay forever, living on student loans.

where Boquete means blow job,

the nights are cool & calm

& filled with whiskey & warm stews.

Where the bulidings are painted yellow,

on the steep hill, trails

to the waterfalls, treasure hunts

for miles & miles.

“no kids, no debt, no drama”

the giggly panamanian

honeybear caretaker

starts the massage train

& we are off.

***

lost on the outskirts

there is nothing more satisfying & sensual

than being alone with the river.

men have been disappointing me,

with false friendships & mal intent,

i have to be alone--

open my legs only to the rapids

washing machine, pleasure in

singing the mating song

of prayer.

***

(bad) cravings from the worm

the hungover italian boy

working construction in the city

keeps me company at breakfast.

i taught him to put bananas in his pb&j

and it may have changed his life.

Panama City

vibrantly loud town--

the parties & streetpeople last all night,

and in the mornings, (Spanish) church bells blast

for all to hear (repent)--

angelic foreign voices praise gods

this cloudy Sunday

to wake me from dreaming

of smoking fruit loop blunts,

& having my child art sold for thousands

in the galleries.

families of blackbirds circle in the sky

on beat with the songs,

to attack the sinners,

or embody ascendance?

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