#it’s too hard doing everything for myself
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Give Me Everything | E.M x PlusSize!Reader
Anonymous requested: I was wondering if you could do a story on a plus size best friend reader.. who was asked out by a jock on a dare or who Eddie walks into her room to see her sitting on the floor upset because her favourite dress is getting tight.. and he shows her how much he loves her body even if she can't see it... Maybe with like a praise/breeding kink.. or whatever you want to do 😁🫠👉👈 Recently went through a weight gain, and I'm so hard on myself.
AN: As a plus-size girly myself, I got you bbg. 😚
CW: bestfrined!Eddie x f!reader, self-loathing, self-depreciation, weight gain, body image, Eddie is a big ol' simp, soft dom, praise, oral, p in v, breeding kink, creampies, Pet names (baby, babe, pretty girl etc.)
wc: 3k
When the former basketball team captain ran into you at the local bar and asked you out, you were hesitant to say yes.
Your body never bothered you…until it did. The perks, your tits never looked better; the downside was you felt big. You’re still getting used to this new body, the body that you didn’t like.
Maybe your favourite dress would be the thing to help. So you dug into the depths of your closet. It has been a while since you’ve even attempted to put it on. The summer months were finally here; you could use this pick-me-up.
You stepped into the A-line skirt. So far, so good. When you tried to bring the straps up, things took a turn. It felt so tight; it dug into your soft flesh, your skin popped out around the straps, and the buttons in the front weren’t even close enough together to do up. You turn to see the taught fabric surrounding your back, all lumpy with back rolls.
Silent tears start to shed as you look at yourself in the full-length mirror. You never even heard the knock on your door or the lock click when your best friend entered your home with his copy of the key. You didn’t see how Eddie’s face dropped when he saw you criticizing every inch of your body. The way his heart broke when he saw your tear-stained cheeks in the reflection of the mirror.
Eddie knew you had a date. He came for moral support and to maybe convince you not to go for his own personal reasons.
He was shocked when you revealed the name of the guy who had asked you out. Jason Carver. Number one douchebag of class of ‘87. He thought you were joking, but you didn’t grow up in Hawkins; you moved here after college. No way you would have known the country club- bible-thumping moron was his arch-nemesis all those years ago.
“Y/N”
You jumped when the soft whisper of Eddie’s voice filled the room.
“Eddie, I didn’t hear you come in.” You quickly try to wipe away the tears, embarrassed that he saw you like this, looking like this.
You quickly grab your oversized t-shirt and pull it over your head to cover up your shame.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” You’re quick to reply.
“Don’t do that, you always do that. Tell me what’s wrong.” He gently takes your hand and pulls you to the bed.
“It’s so embarrassing.” Your voice cracks, and you want to die.
“It’s me we are talking about, babe; nothing you can do is embarrassing.”
Eddie was right; you shared everything. He knew all of your deepest, darkest secrets. All of them, but this one.
You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself before speaking.
“I’m no model, I’m not the size I use…” You look down, and you are not able to finish your sentence. It hurt too much to say out loud. "Nothing fits me anymore." You mumble.
“What?” He stroked the back of your head, trying to calm you.
“Nothing fits me anymore!” You break.
“So we will buy new clothes.”
“That’s not-ugh. You don’t get it,” he would never understand.
“Then tell me.”
“I never used to be like this.” You gestured to yourself.
“Like what?”
“Big!”
“You’re not big”
“Eddie… stop. I am… I just wanted to put on my favourite dress to feel better about myself, but now it doesn’t fit me anymore.” You sniffle.
“Y/N.” your name fell off of Eddie’s lips-laced with such sorrow.
“And now I have to find something to wear for this date in two hours, and I have nothing. I don’t even know if I like the guy, but he’s the first one who asked me out in a year, and I just wanted to feel pretty… to feel wanted... desired.”
“You are pretty; you are beautiful.”
“You’re just saying that.” your mouth speaks, but you can't ignore the butterflies that come with those words.
“No,” he shook his head. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.” Eddie poured his heart out.
“You have to say that- you’re just trying to make me feel better.
“I’m really not, and if Jason doesn’t see that, then he doesn’t deserve to go out with you.” He shuffled closer to you. “That guy is a fucking loser! Peaked in high school. It’s killing me that you agreed to go out with him.”
“Maybe that’s what I deserve…”
“What?”
"If he is the only kind of guy that wants me it's what I deserve."
"Don't you dare say that," Eddie cups your face to force you to make eye contact.
"Why on earth would you think so little of yourself?"
"Because... no one wants the big girl." your eyes glazed with tears once again.
Eddie knew he fucked up by not telling you his feelings earlier on, but he was scared.
"Let me show you how beautiful you are. Please."
"What?"
"I can't watch you go on this date without letting you know that it should have been me to ask you first. I was scared of what it would do to us, but I like you; I like you more than a friend should. I think about you all the time, and I want to show you how much you mean to me. I want you to understand that your body is the most perfect thing I have ever seen.
"Eddie I-"
"Please"
"O-okay."
Eddie crashes his lips into yours. Nothing about this is sweet. It is primal and needy, like he can finally drink you in after weeks of thirst. His hand travels to the back of your head and gently lays you back on the bed. His body is hovering over yours as your fingers tangle in his hair. He tastes like spearmint gum and cigarettes. You breathe in his woodsy cologne, giving you a head rush.
His kisses become more gentle, more calculated as the both of you begin to mould into one. Curious hands travelled under your skirt as he felt the soft skin of your thigh, bringing it up so he could get closer.
The skirt of the dress you still had on fell, exposing more of your leg, and Eddie couldn't resist taking a peek.
He rose, and you let out a soft moan at the loss of contact.
"It's okay, baby. I just needed to see you. How beautiful you are spread open for me."
That made you flush. Never have you seen this side of Eddie before. Only in your wildest fantasies could you dream of these words being spoken from his mouth.
the self-consciousness quickly set in as you needed to close your legs, but Eddie's strong hand found the meat of your inner thoughts and pried them open with ease.
"No baby, I need you to be a good girl, and keep these open. Do you think you can do that for me?" He leaned in and gently kissed your inner thigh, another part of you you've been particularly loathing lately.
"i don't know" IT was so overwhelming.
"We don't have to keep going if you don't want to... But I would be honoured if you let me have you this way." It would be the highest compliment, the most trust you put into a man.
"I want to, but im nervous." You've not shown anyone your body since the weight gain; you never wanted to. But something about Eddie made you feel safe and wanted.
"we will go slow. I want to savour every second." He smirked and you couldn't help but cover your face. Why was he making you feel so giddy?
"No, no. I need to see you, pretty girl." Eddie's rough fingers intertwined with yours as he peeled your hands away from your face.
"You can't say things like that to me!" you squeak.
"Why? dose it make your pussy feel all tingly?"
"Eddie!"
"Oh, I bet it does; you like me talking you up? Good, because so do I." His lips latched on yours once again, and his tongue made its way into your mouth before he pulled away to kiss his way down your neck until your shirt got in the way.
"Take it off." His hands slid underneath, feeling the fabric of the tight dress bunched up around your middle. This was another barrier he would need to convince you to get rid of.
"Eddie..."
"Please? I want to make you feel good." His hands inched up further and further towards your breasts.
You close your eyes and let out a deep sigh before nodding in agreement. Your hands find the hem of your shirt before slowly peeing it off, exposing your lacy bra.
"Fuck" You hear Eddie exhale above you.
When you slowly open your eyes, you see a man above you, full of lust and primal desire. A man to whom you thought never to be attracted to you, yet here he is, ready to devour you like you're his last meal.
"You're so fucking perfect." He reaches to grope you, not able to resist not touching your chest.
He can feel your pebbled nipples through the thin blue lace that hardly concealed anything. The thought that Jason was the one who might have gotten to see this instead of him drove him mad with jealousy.
You swore you heard him mumble the word 'mine' before leaning in to kiss your skin right above where the bra lay on your breast. His plump lips were so soft on your skin as his kisses turned into licks and nips through the fabric. His hands cupped and squeezed your tits as you watched him become a man possessed.
You arched your back up into Eddie as he fondled you; you can also feel how hard Eddie is becoming against your thigh.
You moaned his name, and that only made Eddie need you more.
“Do you know how badly I’ve wanted to taste you, baby?”
“No,” your breath is sharp and shocked.
“No?” He cocks his head, “Well, I need to get better at showing you just how much I need you.” He takes your hand and guides it to his jeans, where his cock is strained beneath.
Your eyes widen as you feel the stiff outline before you reach up to kiss him, but he pulls away, making his way down your body as he pulls down your dress, leaving you in only your matching panties and bra.
Your hands instinctively cover your stomach, but Eddie beats you to it, catching your hands mid-air and tilting his head.
“I don’t think so, baby; it’s just me.” He guides your hands to rest beside your body before he tentatively moves his own hands to your inner thighs.
“You trust me?” He continued.
You can’t form words; the only thing you can do is nod your head dumbly. No one had made you feel so desired, wanted... needed.
“Good girl”
Eddie finds his own hands pushing your legs open as far as they can go so he can see the wet patch that has formed in the gusset of your panties. A knowing smirk breaches his face as he leans forward to lay a gentle kiss on your covered pussy lips before taking a deep breath in. Your scent filled his nostrils, making you squeak with embarrassment.
“Eddie!”
“Can’t help myself, you smell so delicious…. Can’t wait to taste you.” He hooks a finger in your panties to move them to the side.
“So pretty,” he whispered into your lower lips before leaning a long wet kiss to your clit.
“Oh god!” You cry, arching your back into him as he makes out with your pussy.
“Tastes even better than you smell, baby.”
His tongue licks a long, drawn-out strip from your home to your clit, making you even wetter than before.
A mix of Eddie’s saliva and your slick coat on your inner thighs as he ravished you. The way his lips and tongue worked your clit and folds was head spinning.
“Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!” You cry as your orgasm crashes into you like a tidal wave.
Your body shakes beneath your best friend don’t let go until he’s consumed all of you.
“Holy shit,” you catch your breath. No other words came to mind as your blissed-out state takes over all of you.
“You did such a good job f’me” he mumbled into your pussy before pulling back.
You see his shiny lips and chin break into a smile as he crawls back up your body to kiss you. You pull him down into you, and his body weight feels so good on top of you. You need more; you need to be closer.
“More,” you say into the kiss.
“Don’t worry, baby, I’m not even close to being done with you.”
“Eddie, please.” You whine, hardly recognizing your own voice. You’re so full of want and need for Eddie. He is the only thing you can focus on.
“Patients, baby,” he leans back to remove his clothes.
First came his shirt and then his belt; you watched as his ring-clad fingers skilfully undid the intricate lock of the belt buckle and teased you as he slowly undid his pants.
Your hands travelled up your chest, and you played with your nipples to entice Eddie to move faster, but he was savouring the moment. He wasn’t going to give in to your tricks; he had been waiting too long for this moment to not make it last.
"You're so pretty spread out like this, just for me."
“I want you so bad,” you moan as his boxers finally are tugged from his waist, and what you’ve wanted the most is sprung free. “I need you.”
“You have me, all of me.” Another feverish kiss was taken, and you couldn’t help but grind your bare hips into his own.
“No more waiting.”
“No more waiting baby, I have you.” You feel him rock the warm head of his cock through your cum soaked folds back and forth collecting your slick so he can slide into you with ease.
“Baby please.” You beg.
“What about protection?”
“No condom” you shake your head.
“No? You want me to fill this pretty little pussy? Claim you? Breed you? Make you mine?”
“Yes” you plead with a hint of desperation in your voice. The glint behind your eyes was too much for Eddie to say no.
“You want to be mine?”
“So bad, Eddie. Please, I want to be yours. I’ll give you everything, please.”
“Such a good girl. I like it when you tell me what you want.” He stroked the side of your face before cupping it to take you into a long kiss as his cock penetrated your leaking hole.
Another muffled moan from the both of you filled the room as his cock stretched your inner walls. Never had you had someone this big before; it's been a little over a year since you’ve had sex with a man. You don’t remember why you’ve waited this long. All thoughts about body image and self-hatred melted away with each brush of his cock.
“Fucking pussy is so tight.” He gritted through his teeth, trying not to spill his load into you already. Eddie swore he died and this was heaven. Your pussy was heaven on earth; nothing ever felt this good, not anyone, not anything.
“Faster.” Your hips matched his rhythm as you ground down onto his cock.
"You sure you can handle it, baby?"
"Yes!"
Lewd sounds of wet skin slapping filled the empty space of your bedroom. Cries of pleasure and touches of wanting filled the space and one another minds as the two of you couldn't get enough.
"Love how needy you are for me. Just can't resist my cock can you baby?"
unintelligible left your lips as Eddie rocked furiously into you.
"Anwer me, baby, or I'll stop. You were doing so good before."
"Yes! I want your cock." you cried.
"I'm so proud of you; you're taking me so well. Who's my beautiful girl?"
"m-me," you stutter as his cock brushes your spot.
"Fuck youre so beauiful. You're going to be even more beautiful after you're filled with my cum. You want hat baby? Want my load inside of you?"
"Yes!" your fingers dig into the flesh of Eddies back, leaving raised red scratches in their wake.
"Please- wanna cum so bad." you breath
"Fuck yes, baby, claim me. Make me yours cum on my cock."
It didn't take much longer as Eddie began to play with your swollen bud of nerves before you were falling apart all over again. A silent scream, your jaw hung lax as the sound gets caught in your throat, and another tidal wave, this one bigger than the last, washed over your whole body as his cock and fingers continued to work your needy pussy.
Eddie watched your fucked out state feeling so satisfied with himself. "Fuck that's my girl, squeezing me so fucking good." You feel Eddie jerk one last time before he spills everything inside of you. "Fucking take it."
You snap out of it when you feel the weight of Eddie collapses on top of you. You let out a giggle in your blissed-out state.
"Something funny, pretty girl?"
"No-no, everything is perfect. Thank you, Eddie." You brushed his swaety hair off his perspiering face.
"No baby, I think I need to be thanking you. Never has anyone let me fuck them like that."
"Never?" You shy away, realizing what youve asked of him.
"Don't worry. You're the only one I've ever wanted to do that with. I think you unlocked something inside of me." He kissed the corner of your mouth.
"Yea, I like you... a lot. If that's not obvious."
"I like you too, Eddie."
"I sure hope so you let me cum in you." He snorted.
"God, you're so vulgar."
"Yea, but you like it. "
"I do."
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x plus size reader#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson fan fic#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson request#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson#eddie munson x best friend reader#bestfriend!eddie munson#bestfriend!eddie munson x reader
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Figure Something Out
Pairing: Anakin x Reader
Request: I was wondering if you could make a enemies to lover where Anakin is madly in love with reader but wont admit it since he likes to mock and annoy her but the reader doesnt, like there are but they arent as strong as Anakins. So as time passes she starts to catch feelings for him and ends in fluff but its a little angsty too yk
Warnings: Swearing, Anakin being a bit of dick
Word Count: 7.5k (sorry not sorry we love a slow burn enemies/academic rivals to lovers)
A/N: Check the blog for a little update if you want but I really hope this was worth the wait! As always please please let me know what you think!
Your eyes bounced fervently back and forth between your master’s and Anakin’s, not even bothering to hide the shock you were sure was etched into your expression. “You can’t be serious”
“Do I look like I’m joking” came your master’s quick reply, his tone alone enough to scold you for your loss in decorum, your posture snapping up reflexively as you schooled your face back to a more natural expression, unable to keep yourself from getting defensive.
“I just mean-“ the hurried deflection rolled off your tongue before you could stop it, your master’s unamused glare enough to keep the words from fully coming out. Taking a deep breath, you tried to better control yourself before you continued. “he’s a padawan, same seniority as me how could he train me?”
“He’s also standing right here” Anakin’s gruff voice proved he was just as thrilled about this assignment as you, though you barely spared him a glance, keeping your gaze locked onto your master’s, a silent plea for him to take it back.
“Padawan Skywalker is the best padawan with a saber by leagues I think he could be of great help to you” And you knew that tone your master used here, one he reserved to tell you he was done discussing the matter.
Dejectedly you finally let your gaze slip over to Anakin’s, offering him a tight-lipped smile “I appreciate your help Padawan Skywalker” you nearly choked on the words, having to force them out of your throat.
Anakin in response said nothing, his arms crossed defensively over his chest as he let his eyes rake your figure quickly, letting your words hang uncomfortably in the air until your master finally broke the silence.
“Truly padawan Skywalker we appreciate everything you do for us” He offered a small nod, clapping Anakin on the back.
“Of course master Koon” and you didn’t miss the way he offered your master a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, nor the way he was happy to return a comment to your master’s thanks but not your own. The two of you were already off to a great start to what was bound to be a very short apprenticeship.
With a small nod back in return Master Koon took his leave, leaving you and Anakin alone in the hallway, you looking up at the padawan expectantly, him pointedly avoiding your gaze as much as possible.
“Look” you drew his attention back to you with a sigh “neither of us want to be doing this so how about we just forget this and go our separate ways?”
He raised an eyebrow up at you in response, clearly unimpressed by your proposed solution “I told Master Koon I would help”
“And how noble of you to do so” you replied with a huff, crossing your arms over your chest to match his posture “but since you clearly want to spend as much time with me as I do you this felt mutually beneficial”
“I’ve seen you fight” he responded back with a small shake of his head “you very obviously do need the help”
“Believe me you’ve made it abundantly clear what you think of my fighting skills in training” you replied with a bitter laugh.
“When it takes your opponent less than a minute to get your saber out of your hand it’s hard to keep my comments to myself”
“It does not-“ and you cut yourself off before you could properly blow up, Anakin always having this weird affect on you, pushing you over the edge with little more than a tap. You weren’t letting him get to you that easily this time. With a deep breath you tried to collect yourself “Fine, when do you want to start?”
Anakin paused for a moment, doing nothing but survey you, probably curious as to why you hadn’t started biting his head off yet, but nonetheless continued “after dinner tonight, now come on we have battle strategies with master Kenobi”
“You were asked to help me train with my lightsaber, doesn’t mean you have to walk me to class from now on” you huffed but followed him down the hallway nonetheless.
“Then start jogging and we’ll call this training too” he answered with a shrug.
-
You sat back trying to listen to Obi-wan’s lecture, finding yourself for the first time ever in this class unable to pay attention to the lecture, instead your focused was solely on the person next to you.
Anakin has spent the last several years making his feelings towards you abundantly clear. If the chiding remarks, the mocking comments, the downright insults were anything to go by then you could easily say that he didn’t seem to like you that much. And you had to say by this point the feeling was mutual.
He’d spent all of his time in this class in particular sitting on the other side of the room, pointedly the chair that was just about as far away from you as possible, something you were sure the rest of the padawan’s had picked up on by this point. And that would explain why now that he not only showed up to class with you in tow but took a seat next to your usual one the entire rooms attention seemed to subtly shift in your direction.
Not that the room’s attention wasn’t usually in his direction if you were being honest. Anakin was the jedi council’s golden boy, the prophetic child that would bring balance to the force, as well as being a hell of a fighter with his light saber, and if you were being totally objective he wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes. All of this meant he had a natural sort of charisma that seemed to draw the unconscious attentive weight of a room in his direction, a weight that now sat squarely on your shoulders as well.
This new attention combined with Anakin’s incessant knee bouncing meant your focus was on just about anything but the lecture at hand.
“You know you don’t need to babysit me in every other part of jedi training” you whispered over to him, Anakin’s knee bouncing harmlessly against yours as he leaned in to listen and you fought the urge to pull your own back. Afterall this was your desk you weren’t about to contort yourself so he could be more comfortable.
“Is this why you need my help?” he responded with an annoying smirk, leaning in even more as he whispered “because you struggle to pay attention in class?”
You narrowed your eyes back at him in response “I’ll have you know-“
“Padawan Y/L/N, Skywalker” Obi-wan’s unamused voice broke through your whisper sharply, freezing you in place, your face now uncomfortably close to Anakin’s as every eye turned towards the two of you “is there something you would like to share with the class”
“no Master” Anakin answered quickly, righting himself just as you did.
“Perhaps some insight on the battle then?” Obi-wan goaded, gesturing to the holomap before him, amusement sparkling in his eyes as he watched his padawan squirm beneath his gaze.
“Well I-“ you could hear the lost tone in Anakin’s voice as he desperately searched for something to say, you having half a mind to let him sit in the hot seat before you let your eyes roam over the map, happy to see that you recognized the battle Obi-wan was walking you through.
“The republic’s army comes from behind” you offered before things could get too awkward, feeling Anakin’s gaze snap in your direction as you spoke “on that ridge over there, flanking the enemy forcing them to surrender”
Obi-wan’s gaze turned to yours with a warm smile as he nodded, no doubt knowing you would know the answer even if you hadn’t been paying complete attention, before he flicked it back to his padawan, raising his eyebrows slightly as he spoke “very good padawan Y/L/N”
He held Anakin’s gaze for a moment longer, an unspoken conversation happening between the two of them before Obi-wan continued lecture like usual, turning back to face the rest of the room.
Taking the opportunity you leaned back towards Anakin again “if there’s one thing I don’t need your help with, it’s this class”
The smirk made another appearance on his mouth as he looked down at you, but this one felt different than before, warmer somehow, as he nodded “noted princess”
-
Whatever confidence you had bolstered from battle strategies quickly left you the minute you got to saber training.
Anakin was already in the center of the room, feet planted squarely on the mat as he spun his saber effortlessly around his body, concentration etched onto his face though you could tell even from across the room that he was just having fun with it. What you wouldn’t give to be able to whip your saber around with such precision that it seemed almost careless.
“You gonna come fight or having too much fun back there enjoying the show?”
You detested the amusement in his voice as you realized you’d spent much too long staring at him from the doorway. Unable to think of much of a response, you immediately cast your gaze down to your shoes, blindly making your way towards the mat, unclipping the saber from your belt.
“What no training sticks?” You asked with a bitter laugh as you turned on your lightsaber, giving it a half hearted twirl in your hand as you set your stance.
“Don’t worry I’ll try not to hurt you” he winked back as he did the same, making you fight the urge to roll your eyes.
You waited for him to make the first attack, the two of you spinning in a circle around one another, each waiting for the other to strike first.
Not once did that stupid smirk fall from his face, frustration rising more and more within you with each step until you couldn’t take it anymore, deciding to suck it up and make the first move.
Swinging your saber down at him Anakin deflected the blow with little more than a flick of his wrist, barely moving from his original position no doubt in an attempt to show you how easily he could win if he wanted to. Fine, if that’s how he wants to play it.
You barely gave yourself time to recover before making another swing, Anakin deflecting with another simple movement, but you were back at it. Blow after blow Anakin’s saber met yours at every thrust effortlessly, but still you push forward, kept getting closer, not even noting that Anakin never bothered to take a step back. Not noticing how close you got to him until his empty hand shot out mid swing, capturing your wrist and disarming you with a twist, your saber now held tightly in his hand.
Before you could even comprehend what had happened he yanked hard on your arm, twisting you wildly until your back came crashing against his chest, one arm holding your saber and wrapping around your waist to pin you against him the other pressing his blade right up against your throat.
You could’ve screamed in frustration, at how easily he had pinned you, at how effortlessly he seemed to be able to block everything you threw at him, at how close and vulnerable you were now that he had you now pinned against him.
“What is this some game for you? Are you just toying with me?” You spat back at him, not bothering to hide the anger in your voice.
You heard a deep chuckle from behind you, could feel it ruminate up through his chest as it pressed you even further into his chest before he spoke, voice low and right in your ear, his breath tickling the shell of it with each word “I’m teaching you princess. Now use that big brain of yours and figure something out”
And you could’ve laughed at his so called advice, at how easy it is to tell someone to figure something out when you didn’t have a saber against your throat.
Instead you decided you were done fucking around.
Picking your foot up you slammed it down hard on the jedi’s left foot at the same time rearing your head back harshly to make contact with his nose, both attacks catching Anakin enough by surprise that he released his hold on you, stumbling back and releasing his grip on your saber enough that you could slip it from his grasp, pivoting on the spot and pointing the tip of the blade right at the jedi’s throat.
Anakin in response held his nose in his hand, pinching the bridge of it as he completely ignored your saber pointed at him, giving you a disappointed glare from overtop of it.
He sniffed and wiggled his nose before shaking his head and bating off your saber with his own half-heartedly “you know that trick won’t work anywhere but here”
“Good thing I don’t need it to work anywhere but here” you returned with a smirk, stepping back a few feet before dropping back into a fighting stance.
Anakin offered nothing more than a disappointed sigh before he dropped into a stance of his own, giving his nose one last check before he launched forward to attack.
You had no problem dodging each of his blows, your body always out of the way of the arc of his saber. The issue arose when it came to deflecting them. Swing after swing your saber was always there to meet his but the effort of stopping each of the jedi’s much more powerful swings had your arms shaking after mere minutes, your feet scrambling back to try and avoid the brunt of each blow as much as possible.
Anakin, however, seemed to zero in on your weakness immediately, never relenting as he swung again and again. You in response started to try and redirect each blow, hoping that redirecting the power of the swing would take the load off your arms.
That was until his saber seemed to hit yours at just the right speed, just the right angle, that the force of it reverberated down to your hands, your grip faltering for just a second but it was enough to have the cool metal of the hilt of your saber slip from your grasp.
Anakin hit immediately with another blow, effectively knocking your saber out of your hands.
You watched dejectedly as your saber slid out from your grasp and flew across the room. With a small sigh you held your empty hands up defensively ready for Anakin to sheath his saber and start listing off all the things you did wrong.
Instead you watched as Anakin stayed rigid in his position, lightsaber still held in front of you, knees still bent ready to strike.
“I get it, you win, I’ll get ‘em next time” you pushed mock enthusiasm into your voice as you started to make your way off the mat in the direction you saw your saber go when a blue column of light swung down just in front of you, barring your movement.
“So in an actual battle your plan is just to give up when you lose your lightsaber?” Anakin’s chiding voice had you gritting your teeth as your head snapped in his direction, little more than an amused smirk on his face as he talked “maybe offer your neck to the sith for an easy decapitation”
“No I’ll-“ frustrated words died in your throat as you sought an end for your sentence. You were tired, sweat had your robes sticking to your torso uncomfortably and every muscle you had burned, now was not the time for his mind games.
“You’ll what?” he pushed forwards, retracting his lightsaber so it now was held in that defensive position you were now all to used to seeing him in.
“I don’t know I’ll figure something out” you shot back, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Then figure something out” he goaded with a raised brow before striking, his saber moving slightly slower than you knew he was capable of, giving you plenty of time to side step out of the way.
“Okay I get it” you called back to him as you dodged another swing, taking a step back towards the edge of the mat “you’ve made your point”
“I’ve made my point when you stop thinking of this as just training” he shot back with another swing of his saber, pushing forward forcing you to take another step back “this isn’t just to get through training so you can advance in the jedi ranks this is about survival” another swing, another dodge and another step back “this is about making sure you stand a chance out on the battle field” you felt the floor beneath your heels start to give way, your toes balancing on the edge of the mat “this isn’t some game Y/N”
You felt your irritation grow within you with each word. You knew this wasn’t some game, you had been outside of the walls of the temple, you had been on a battle field, you knew you needed help with your fighting skills but who was he to decide after one day that you weren’t taking this seriously enough.
You watched as he set up for his next attack, as his foot landed far out in front of him as he lunged forward, the whole world seeming to slow around you as you side stepped the saber, Anakin’s hand sailing past you effortlessly. Without a second thought you seized his wrist, giving it a small twist in the wrong direction as you pulled him forward with it, effectively knocking the jedi off his balance.
Before he could realize what was happening Anakin was sailing forward, past you, to the ground below as you pivoted around to face him from atop the mat, his lightsaber now clutched firmly in your grasp.
Spinning slightly in the air so that his shoulder first made contact with the floor Anakin slid a few inches on the ground, coming to a stop on his back and looking up at you only to see his own lightsaber pointed down at his throat.
“Do you want to offer up your neck for an easy decapitation now?”
And to your surprise you heard nothing back but a laugh. A sound you didn’t think Anakin Skywalker was even capable of.
“That was good Y/N”
You felt your feet faulter beneath you, your knees nearly giving out, was that a compliment?
Your mind was still reeling as you shut down his saber and dropped it to the ground next to you, because Anakin Skywalker did not compliment you. Tease, chastise, bully sure he did all of those things but never compliment. And he certainly didn’t smile at you like he was doing now.
It was a weird sight to see, Anakin grinning from the ground below you, eyes twinkling slightly as his whole face changed with it, and to your horror you found a part of you liking the way it looked on him, as he extended his hand out to you.
Before you could even think better of it you reached out and grabbed his hand, helping to haul him to his feet, ignoring the slight tingle his touch left on your skin, blaming the way your cheeks felt hot beneath his gaze on the exertion of fighting him.
“You may never overpower your opponent but you’re fast” Anakin continued on as if nothing had changed, dusting himself off, the hint of a smile still playing on his lips as he talked “use that, dodge until you have them making sloppy attacks then strike as soon as you can”
It took you too long to notice that he was waiting for you to say something, little more coming out of your mouth than a half-hearted “yeah” that had his brows drawing in confusion.
Stooping slightly, he came down to your eyelevel, nose nearly close enough to touch your own, and for a brief moment staring deeply into each eye before shaking his head softly “that was probably too much for today wasn’t it”
Still you didn’t respond, not sure if you could’ve if you tried, for some reason unable to pull your gaze from Anakin as he looked at you, fluffy hair framing his face perfectly as if you hadn’t spent the last two hours dueling, as if you weren’t drenched in sweat.
Anakin frowned back in response, a single hand coming out to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear before he could think better of it. Then bending down and picking up his lightsaber from where you had dropped it “get some rest princess”
He spoke softly, softer than you had ever really heard him speak before he started to make his way towards the exit, leaving you standing on the edge of the mat, before he called out “I mean it, you did well today”
It was only after he left that it dawned on you, he had used your actual name.
-
Maybe it was naive of you to think that things could change so quickly.
That all it took was one decent lesson from him and the two of you could seamlessly slip into a weird sort of friendship.
Maybe you just wanted to believe you could put everything behind you so easily that you assumed he wanted to do the same.
You’d heard people gush about Anakin Skywalker before. About how helpful he could be, how nice, how charming.
You never got to meet that side of Anakin Skywalker, the man locking that part of himself from you practically the moment he met you. But you had really thought you were starting to see it these past few weeks.
The teasing comments had started to disappear, or they at least lost all their edge, coming off as more inside jokes than anything. He walked you to class every day, some days going out of his way to find you before he started to head in that direction. Your personal space found itself being invaded by him more and more, Anakin no longer going out of his way to put as much distance between the two of you as possible. Lingering touches, wandering eyes, inside jokes that had the two of you seeking out each others gaze in crowded rooms to silently revel in what was just said in a way only the two of you would understand.
Anakin Skywalker was quickly becoming your friend.
It was why when you got notified you were heading out on a mission to track down a bounty hunter with him for the first time ever you weren’t dreading the experience.
No you were actually excited.
Excited as you clipped your saber to your belt and headed out of your room.
Excited as you rounded the corner to head to your transport ship.
Excited as you stepped foot on the entrance ramp.
Excited as-
“I just don’t understand why she has to come with me”
It was as if a lead ball had dropped into your stomach. The excitement evaporating on the spot as a numbness took over and your step faltered, your body freezing in place just steps down from the ships entrance.
Because you knew that voice, but even worse you knew that tone. The anger, the contempt, the annoyance.
All it took was one simple phrase and you were ripped back into the same existence of just weeks ago before you had fallen for all of Anakin Skywalkers tricks.
“I agreed to train her and I’ve been doing that why does she have to hijack my missions now”
And you wished you could say his words didn’t affect you. Afterall just a few weeks ago you would’ve expected to hear them from him, you’d practically grown up hearing this resentment for merely existing in his vicinity.
Then why did they hurt so much now?
Why did they have a painful lump starting to grow in your throat?
Why did they make you wish the ground would swallow you whole on the spot?
Why did you ever think you could be friends with Anakin Skywalker?
“Yes master”
Anakin’s final words snapped you from your daze but still you had to force your legs to move you forward slowly, making sure that as Obi-wan exited the ship you were an appropriate distance back from the entrance.
He gave you a kind smile as he exited. As easy as it would have been to resent Obi-wan due to his proximity to Anakin you could never bring it upon yourself. “May the force be with you Y/N” he offered you with a small head bow.
“Thank you master Kenobi” you responded easily, mirroring his bow.
And he looked like he wanted to say more. Perhaps apologize for his padawan, perhaps offer parting words of wisdom, instead he seemed to swallow them, giving you one more slightly tense smile before departing, leaving you with no where to go but up the ramp.
Anakin’s eyes were on you the second you came into view, his face morphing too easily into a soft, friendly smile. “Hey, you ready?”
And it was the way he could flip the switch so easily, act so flawlessly that everything was okay, so effortlessly at ease.
Weeks ago you would have bit back, would’ve offered back some scathing comment, some backhanded remark. It was one thing that kept you from outright hating the young Skywalker. For every insult he spat you always had one to hurl back at him. He could insult you, berate you, belittle you, but you always came back swinging.
Right now though you didn’t have it in you.
You offered nothing more than a small nod of your head, not missing the way his smile morphed into a frown at it.
Maybe he was expecting you to say something, maybe he was gearing up for a fight, maybe he really thought you hadn’t heard him.
You couldn’t bring yourself to care what was running through his head at this moment.
You brushed past him towards the cockpit not missing the way his eyes never left you as you did so, not missing the way his hand hovered just over your arm, not missing the way he so hesitantly followed you.
You just had to get through this one mission and you could go back to ignoring Anakin Skywalker.
You weren’t as excited for that prospect as you thought you would be.
-
An involuntary hiss slipped past your lips the second your left foot hit the ground, your weight quickly shifting back to your right to avoid the pain, overcorrecting just enough to knock yourself off balance, all weight balanced dangerously on the edge of one foot as your arms reached out half-hazardly seeking anything solid to steady yourself.
Just before you could tip over another body slotted itself beside you, shoulders fluidly depositing themselves beneath your arm as another arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into Anakin’s slide as he swore quietly “I told you to stay put”
You laughed bitterly at that, forcing yourself to lean back away from him as much as possible even as the arm on your waist tightened, his other hand clipping his saber to his belt so that it could come up and grab the hand he had thrown around his shoulders, effectively pinning you to his side as he started to drag you back to the wall “Yeah sure so you can just leave me”
You felt him still at your words, the grip on your hand and waist slackening for a second as your words seemed to hit him physically, your position keeping you from properly viewing his face as his voice came out softer than you had ever heard him “I wouldn’t do that”
His tone caught you by surprise. If there was one thing you knew about Anakin Skywalker it was that the man was loud, the way he carried himself, spoke, hell the way he flew reeked of confidence to the point of arrogance. Anakin was anything but the soft, almost vulnerable tone that just left him.
And you felt a part of you already starting to reach out to him, ready to pull him into your side and assure him that you knew that, assure him that you knew he was a good person, to tell him that you trusted him.
But another part of you couldn’t give up the way he tried bench you. How after everything you had been through: all the training, the way he seemed to go out of his way to be nice to you lately, how everything seemed to be looking up, he still thought you were nothing more than a nuisance, a less than.
Less than capable, less than a good jedi, less than an apt fighter, less than worthy of his trust.
His motion continued after the brief pause, the two of you finally reaching the wall and Anakin taking care to slowly set you down against it, a hand supporting your calf as you squatted down, careful to keep your foot off the ground.
“You’re right that’s probably a touch too far even for you, so instead you want to what scold me for getting in your way? Tell me I’m a shitty jedi for getting myself injured? Pull my hair and call me ugly?”
Anakin only sighed in response, one hand coming up to tangle his fingers in his hair as the other planted on his hip, Anakin doing nothing but looking down at you in your position on the floor. “why are you always so determined to see the worst in me?”
Again the softness in his tone gave you pause, the sincerity in it something you had only gotten used to in the past few weeks. “Anakin that’s all you’ve ever shown me”
“not lately” his reply came out rushed, a note of exasperation crawling its way onto his voice “lately we were good. At least I thought we were good”
You debated your next words for a second, debated how much vulnerability you were ready to show to the man who has been nothing but hot and cold with you for the past few weeks “I thought we were too”
“so what happened?”
“You tried to get me kicked off this mission” your answer was quick and blunt, eyes immediately picking up on the way his brow furrowed “don’t even try to deny it I heard you-“
“No that’s not-“ he cut you off quickly, letting out a frustrated sigh before continuing “I was trying to do the right thing”
“The right thing?” you echoed back now furrowing your own brow.
“You coming here was an unnecessary risk-“
“ah so you still don’t trust me” you interjected quickly, watching closely the way his entire body seemed to recoil at your words.
“What no-“
“we’ve spent weeks training, you’ve given me good advice, I’ve gotten better you’ve said so yourself. So I don’t get why you still don’t-“
“it’s not that-“
“So then what you still can’t stand to be alone with me for that long?”
“Y/N!” he finally cut you off with a small shout, crouching down in front of you close enough that he nearly occupied your entire field of vision, physically forcing you to pay attention to him rather than let your mind run any longer. “I was just trying to protect you”
Your eyes bounced back and forth between his for a moment, trying to decern the truth, trying to find the underlying meaning. “I don’t know why you think I need your protection. I can handle myself”
Another dejected sigh from Anakin, neither of you moving for a tense few seconds before you heard a muttered “forget it” underneath his breath as he pushed himself up to a standing position.
“we need to get out of here” he offered a hand to you, helping you stand though kept his gaze planted on the back door of the building “we’ll stick to the alleyways and use nothing but blasters if we have to, the sabers will be a dead giveaway”
And though you wanted to push the subject more you knew he was right, get yourself through this mission and you could go back to avoiding Anakin Skywalker. It had quickly become a mantra for you.
You let him pull you softly out the back door, Anakin carefully checking around each corner before ushering you forward, helping you hobble on your one good leg slowly back towards your ship. That was until you heard an eerily familiar voice around the next bend.
“Find the jedi scum and bring them to me. The separatists have plans so I want them alive do you understand me?”
Anakin didn’t hesitate before pushing you back against the nearest wall, using his own body to try and shield yours from view as he pinned you against it, one arm bracing himself against it just over your head.
You looked up at him with wide eyes as the two of you listened intently, footsteps slowly drawing much too close for your comfort.
From this distance you could clearly see the set in Anakin’s jaw as he kept his eyes planted at the nearest corner, muscles tense ready to pounce at a moments notice. That was when the thought struck you.
“Quick kiss me”
Anakin’s entire body froze at your words, his eyes snapping to meet yours blown wide in confusion and shock.
“Come across two people kissing in an alleyway they’re certainly not going to expect them to be jedi so quick” You explained in a harsh whisper, giving his robes a quick tug.
Anakin, however, stayed rooted in place, elbow on his arm planted on the wall locking in place to prevent him from getting any closer to you, wide eyes cemented on your face as his chest didn’t even rise with breath.
“Ani quick” you hissed, trying to snap him out of whatever trance he was in.
The footsteps continued to grow louder, the soft drag of a heel against the pavement your only indication that they were steps away from your hiding spot.
Anakin still didn’t respond, gave no indication that he had heard you after your first command. To no avail you tried to silently beg him to move with your eyes.
“Hey what’re you-“
That was all you let them get out before you made your next decision, grabbing for the blaster on Anakin’s hip you aimed and fired, the shot hitting them square in the forehead sending the hunter to the ground before they could even finish their question.
The blaster noise seemed to finally snap Anakin out of it, a soft shake to the Jedi’s head being the only indication that anything had been wrong as he wordlessly pushed himself off of you and snapped his gaze down to the dead man before you.
“What the fuck was that Anakin?” You hissed, giving his chest a small shove.
Anakin’s eyes, however, never strayed from the unconscious body beneath your feet, his chest heaving with each breath as he kept his jaw locked in place.
“Anakin” you tried calling his name again, another push to his chest, still his eyes never strayed from the ground, his body staggering slightly as he let you push him “you blew our cover and because what? You’re so disgusted by me you can’t put up with one stupid kiss for half a second?”
Finally you got a reaction, his stark blue eyes finally snapping up to meet yours, a steel hard gaze you weren’t entirely prepared for, eyes that begged you to drop it.
You couldn’t help but laugh bitterly at his look, limping a few steps back from him as you shook your head, the heels of your palms coming up to dig tiredly into your eyes “Even after all that’s happened you really still hate me so much you’d jeopardize the mission to get out of a kiss”
“It can’t happen like that” His voice surprised you, the words in of themselves confusing but his tone throwing you off more than anything, an almost pained ring in it sending you sparling.
“What?”
A quiet swear from under his breath as he started to pace “Our first” he called louder, as if that were an explanation, his hands clenching at his sides “It shouldn’t happen like that, it can’t”
And you could feel the frustration start to rise within you, the anger from his inaction ebbing to confusion “Ani slow down what is happening right now”
The nickname seemed to have the desired effect, his pace slowing to a soft stop, eyes snapping up to meet yours once again, an almost guilty expression on his face as he stood before you, Anakin Skywalker looking almost small before you for the first time ever “Do you know how many times I’ve thought of it?” he asked you softly, an anxious hand running through his hair as his eyes broke to look at anything but you “How many times I almost just-“ and he cut himself off with a sigh, a soft shake in his head as he looked down at his shoes, a small scoff escaping before he continued “to think that the first time it would happen was to maintain some stupid cover. That it didn’t mean anything. I couldn’t do it”
A part of your brain was lighting up with realization, another part pushing it back down with denial. He couldn’t be talking about kissing you, not now, not after sending you years of signals that said otherwise “Anakin what are you saying?”
His eyes connected with yours again, a pained expression and a small tilt of his head telling you to stop pretending you didn’t know, begging you to move past faking obliviousness.
But still a part of you was reeling back, sending a huff of air through your nose as you shook your head “How many times could you have really thought about it, you just started being nice to me a week ago”
“Years worth” the words came out on his next exhale, a small shrug in his shoulder as he answered “at least since we were nine”
But that didn’t make any sense, that couldn’t possibly be true “This isn’t funny”
A small bitter laugh escaped him in response, a soft shake of his head as he spoke “believe me sweetheart I’m not laughing”
You barely registered the words, your mind already reeling as it went over every thing he’s ever said to you since then, “you’ve been nothing but mean to me since I’ve met you” your words were soft, spoken more to yourself than to him but still Anakin opened his mouth to respond, your voice cutting him off before he could “always criticizing me in front of the masters, mocking my attempts to learn, making me doubt my own abilities”
“I’m sorry”
And some part of your brain registered that those were not words Anakin used lightly, knew the weight those words held for him. Another part knew it still wasn’t enough.
“You’re sorry?” You scoffed “you made me dread every moment I had to spend in your presence for years and the best you have is I’m sorry?”
Anakin had no response to that, his jaw visibly clenching as he fought to maintain eye contact with you, but no words came, he had no excuse, no real way to make up for it, and you both knew it.
“Why?” and the question shouldn’t matter to you, the ends didn’t justify the means, they couldn’t, but still you needed to know.
Anakin took a second, drawing in a deep breath as his gaze shifted to your feet, a small shrug of one shoulder before he answered “I wanted to get your attention”
And like that you were ready to start yelling again, because surely it wasn’t that simple, surely Anakin wasn’t that stupid, that childish. Instead, he continued on.
“I don’t think I realized that was what it was at first, just knew I liked it when you got in my face and pushed back, liked when you got so wrapped up in me that the rest of the world ceased to exist for a little bit” another pause, another deep breath “then once I figured it out I knew I needed to shut it down, the code meant I couldn’t get close, couldn’t form attachments. Pissing you off felt like a good way to keep you at arm’s length while still getting you to notice me”
A million different emotions swirled around inside of you, each trying to claw their way to the surface. You wanted to yell at him, tell him how stupid that was, berate him for having the emotional regulation skills of a child. You wanted to stay silent, let him stew in his miserly, in his guilt. You wanted to cry, the catharsis, the confusion, the mix of conflicting emotions all welling up inside of you, overwhelming you.
Instead, you spoke softly, your voice sounding almost hollow on your own ears “you know when you first came to the temple all the other kid’s thought you were weird”
Anakin’s gaze shot up to meet yours, a slight furrow in his brow as he tried to figure out where you were going with this.
“Looking back I think they were just jealous. You came in later than the rest of us but you already had a master, Obi-wan Kenobi at that, and you already had the councils attention, so they all tried to stay away from you” you took a deep breath, swallowing down the slight shake in it “I thought that was dumb and that I was going to be your friend so I went up to you and I was nice. And at first I thought you were nice. Maker I was so excited to make a new friend and then the next time I saw you it was like a switch had been flipped” Anakin’s disappointed sigh barely registered as you continued “so I tried to be funny, then entertaining, then chill. I tried everything I could to be someone who was worth your time”
You could practically hear Anakin’s teeth grinding as he clenched his fist at his side, leaning back to slump against the wall as he thought for a moment before speaking.
“When I first got to the temple I was scared.” He admitted softly, gaze casted out blankly to the wall on the other side of the alley “I had just lost Qui-Gon, the council didn’t seem to like me, I missed my mother. Then out of nowhere this beautiful girl my age came up to me, took my hand and told me that it was going to be okay, that I was going to be okay, and she said it with such conviction that I couldn’t help but believe her”
You waited with bated breath for him to go on, for him to fill in the gaps of your own story.
“Then what the council said to me about fear hit and I became ashamed of having been a coward, ashamed of needing someone to hold my hand, ashamed of being weak”
You couldn’t have stopped the small chuckle from escaping if you had tried “Anakin you are a lot of things but weak isn’t one of them”
He finally met your gaze at the sound, the corner of his lips tilting up in response “I certainly made sure it appeared that way”
Another silence blanketed the two of you as you each digested the others story, Anakin finally breaking it with a soft chuckle “you were an intimidating kid you know that?”
“I was not” you denied it with an easy shake of your head, barely giving the statement any thought.
“you were” he persisted nonetheless “you were the perfect jedi student, Obi-wan was always on me about being more like you. Listening to him better, meditating better, paying more attention in class”
“Bet that didn’t help the whole hating me thing” there was no resentment in your voice, a soft understanding if anything.
“Don’t you get it sweetheart” he smiled sadly “I’ve never hated you. I’m not sure I could if I tried”
You shook your head softly at that, eyes casted out over the alley around you, speaking after another short beat “come on Skywalker, let’s get back to the ship”
Anakin stayed leaned against the wall for another moment, giving himself a pause to study you before he pushed himself up and offered you his arm to help you walk with a small nod.
You hobbled further down the ally with his help, nothing but the sounds of your deep breaths until you spoke in little more than a whisper “you know you were so busy ‘not hating’ me I don’t think I ever got to know the real Anakin Skywalker”
There was a slight pause in his step at your words, his eyes shooting to the side to meet yours as he raised a brow “are you sure you want to?”
“If he’s anything like the man I’ve been around for the past few weeks” you answered with a small shrug “then yeah. I really do”
Anakin’s face broke out into a wide grin at your words, and you found yourself admiring it once again, for the first time your own mind remaining quiet as you did rather than chastising you for it as usual.
“I’ll try not to disappoint Y/N”
You chuckled softly at that, “Given your previous experience you’ve set the bar exceptionally low” you pointed out giving his shoulder a playful shove “ but I’ll hold you to that”
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I Need You Now (Spencer Reid x Ex!Girlfriend!Reader)
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Author Masterlist
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Ex!Girlfriend!Reader.
Summary: After the break up with his girlfriend, Spencer isn’t taking it in the best possible way. Memories flood his mind and the guilt of what he could have done differently. When everything is lost, there is no more to do than to go on, even if the only certainty in his heart is that he needs her now.
Word Count: 2.1k (a little thing)
Warnings: Angst. Spencer overthinks over and over again. The reasons for the breakout are not explicit, but you can infer them. Alcohol consumption. Open ending (hahahahahaha). I’m sorry (I’m not).
A/N: Full inspired by I Need You Now by Lady A. Please don’t sue me.
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Pictures perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor
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It’s late when I unlock my apartment door. As soon as I open it, it is the darkness that welcomes me and not you.
At other times, you would have jumped from the couch to greet me, throwing your arms around my neck and kissing me all over my face. And even if I always complained about you being up late for me, I silently loved it.
Sometimes, when I returned at dawn, I found you asleep on the couch with a book open on your chest. Those times, you looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't like the idea of waking you up.
That isn’t happening tonight, though.
You’re not on the couch. You’re not home.
And the worst part is that you said you are not coming back.
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Reaching for the phone cause
I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me, it happens all the time
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Our love story started pretty close as a romantic movie would do. I bumped into you on my way out of a coffee shop. You were going to go inside but were distracted by your phone. You didn't see me coming out until you were stumbling, and before touching the ground, I secured you with my arms.
I was the one who apologized profusely, even if you were the one who didn't watch your way.
When I finally looked at you, words left me. And to hear your voice telling me not to worry didn't help my cause.
I would have asked for your number if I were bolder.
I didn't and let you go instead.
But luck must have been by my side when we crossed paths again.
The same coffee shop, two weeks later.
I got inside that morning and saw you at the counter waiting for your drink. I recognized you immediately.
Without a second thought, I walked up to you. Before I could say anything, you looked up and recognized me, too. A smile tugged your lips when you saw me.
“Hi,” I greeted you.
At that moment, I realized I had actually spoken to you. Why did I do that? What was I going to talk to you about?
“Hi. Glad you haven’t got a coffee yet,” you quipped. Making me stutter.
“Oh, no, no. I wasn’t thinking of spilling my coffee on you. I mean-” I stumbled over my words.
“Don’t freak out. I was joking,” you hastened to explain. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
“A joke. Yeah. Uh. I knew that,” I said, trying to sound casual.
Why was it so hard to sound casual?
“Yeah. I figured,” you chuckled. “Will you tell me your name this time?”
That day, my fate was sealed.
We exchanged phone numbers, and against the odds, I was the one who called first.
That was followed by text messages and some coffee dates.
We both were pleasantly surprised at how naturally the conversation flowed between us and how much fun we had together. Forgetting our first encounter where I couldn't stop stuttering, as the weeks went by, I relaxed enough to be myself.
I can recall the time I told you I loved you. I was a nervous wreck, and as the words left my mouth, I only wanted to take them back because I couldn't stand the idea of being rejected by you, of losing you.
You were the one who told me not to be afraid of telling the truth because you felt the same way. I can swear it was one of the best days of my life. A passionate kiss sealed our confession as we vowed to be each other forever.
Nothing of that remains now, though. And I know that the one to blame is no one but me.
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It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone, and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control
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Why did things go down between us? We were perfect for each other. People told me that often, and I believed it, too.
After dating for over a year, I asked you to move in. I was excited to begin a new phase in our relationship, although you were a bit reluctant. Not for lack of love or wanting. You said you were head over heels for me, but you have been cautious about your love life. The last time you had a serious relationship, things ended pretty badly for you. That time, you swore not to go through something like that again, so you were careful about protecting yourself.
I knew that, too. You told me what happened to you a few months after we started dating. I swore I would never hurt you. I loved you, and I would never do anything to harm you.
I’m now sitting on the same couch where we spend so many movie nights. The same where truths were told, dreams were discussed, and we planned a future.
With a drink in my hand, I glance at my phone over the coffee table and feel the urge to hear your voice. I want to grab the device and dial your number even if you told me not to call you again, even if I agreed not to contact you again.
But I miss you, even if every day I tell the world I'm doing better and I will get over it.
The truth is I don't know how to do it without you.
I need you now.
---------------
And I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
---------------
Never did the silence overwhelm me as much as it does right now. It’s past midnight, and I can only think about what I should have done differently.
Maybe I should have opened up about what was happening before. You always knew I had a hard time expressing my feelings, but with you, that never was an issue. That’s why I can’t figure out why I did differently this time.
You told me I didn’t love you anymore, and that’s farther from the truth. I couldn’t stop loving you even if I tried.
Why did you say that, though?
Because I stop nurturing our love.
Because I took it for granted.
I made you doubt your worth and how important you are to me. I stopped listening. I stopped seeing. You gave me the signals, and I overlooked them.
Yeah, the job seemed more important at the time.
Of course, lives were on the line.
It's funny because none of that matters to me right now.
Missing you is something I never thought it could be a reality. How could I think about that when you were by my side to stay? Even the times I hurt you, you said you were to keep up no matter what. It was an unconditional love until it wasn’t. And I can’t blame you for leaving. It's all my doing, and I deserve to be alone. I deserve it, but I can’t stand it.
---------------
Another shot of whisky
Can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me, it happens all the time
---------------
There are times when you think of me. I do think of you every day. When I wake up alone in my bed or when I drink my first coffee in the morning, you are not teasing me by pouring all the sugar from the container.
I think of you when I check my phone, and there are no texts from you. When at night I don’t want to go to bed because you are not with me to let me love you.
I can still hear your footsteps on the hardwood floor of this apartment.
I can recall, like yesterday, the times we danced in this very living room. The time you build a fort with cushions and blankets just because I told you once I loved that as a kid.
The nights when you let us watch foreign films so I could translate you whispering in your ear. The same nights when the movie ended were long forgotten because we were making out just like the first time.
I don’t think I can stop recounting every single memory we shared: the good ones and the bad ones.
Because, of course, I, too, remember the fights, the arguments, the silent treatments. But above all, the talks and our agreement of never going to sleep mad at each other.
---------------
It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk, and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control
---------------
With the alcohol running in my blood now, I can’t stop thinking about if your affections belong to someone else now.
Of course, I can’t be mad or blame you for it.
But my heart aches when I think about it.
I know I lost you the moment I allowed you to walk out that door.
But the damn phone is still there, tempting me, pushing me to call you. Even if I don't know what I could tell you.
Or maybe I do: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I fucked up. I love you. I miss you. I need you.
Would you believe me this time?
It’s wishful thinking. A naive one?
I don’t think any word I could say right now can do some repair to the pain I caused you. But I could try.
I grab the phone with trembling hands and start typing the first three numbers: 8-6-7...
I can do this so that I will continue: 5-3-0... just one more digit.
But I know you’ll not answer. And if you do, it’s unfair to you for me to do this. I should respect your wishes. It’s the bare minimum I can do.
So I toss the phone again over the coffee table, and the tears run freely this time.
---------------
And I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Guess I rather hurt than feel nothing at all
---------------
If anything, I feel jealous of the person who will love you the way you deserve and will call you his.
In the same way I did a time ago.
Maybe I just need to get used to the idea. I lost you, and there is nothing I can do even if I still need you here.
I had the privilege of you letting me love you, and I’ll be grateful for having the chance.
Curling on the couch, I see the damn phone watching me again, defiance me. I’ll not give in this time. I owe you that much.
I was so immersed in my new determination that I could barely register the two knocks on my front door. It’s past one am, so I just assume it must be on a neighbor's door.
But then I hear another two knocks again. It is louder this time and impossible to ignore.
Grumbling, I stood from my spot.
I already know who it is. Derek Morgan has been adamant about pulling me out of my misery in the way he only knows: going out.
I could pretend to be deaf and pretend I didn't hear anything. But I know Derek; he won't settle, and he will use his spare key to get in anyway.
I open the door, ready to scold him for showing up at my door at this time. But words kept stuck in my throat when I confirmed Derek was not the one who was standing at my door.
“Hi. I’m sorry for showing up here without warning. I guess I didn’t think this thoroughly.”
My mouth opens and closes several times with nothing to say. At the lack of words, you continues talking.
“I thought I should call you first. But I wasn’t sure if you would pick it up. But if it’s a bad moment, it’s okay; I can go.”
Does telepathy really exist? I don't know, but I don't want to question it either.
“No, no. It’s okay. Would you like to come in?”
Your face shows something similar to relief. A bit of anxiety, maybe? I’m sure I’m not doing better.
What kind of test is this? I don’t know, but if it is the last chance I’ll get to do things right, God helps me to doesn’t fuck up.
------------------
A/N2: Bonus point if you know where her phone number comes from.
------------------
Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @levi-of-starz @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid x you#aperrywilliams#amanda perry williams#i need you know#lady antebellum#lady a#Spotify
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Hellooo!! I was wondering if you could do a part 2 to the Sugardaddy!Miguel story? 🫶🏻🤍
Sure thing!!!!!
Part 1
Warning: MINORS DNI, some smut, language, Sugar Daddy/Daddy kink? What would that go under??
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
It had been a year since you and Miguel made that deal at the strip club.
Miguel was going to be your Sugar Daddy in exchange for a few dates.
It lasted two months before you asked him to further your relationship with him. Miguel was young, hot, kind, charming and just perfect.
The two of you were in a happy relationship. Miguel still spoiled you as if he was still your Sugar Daddy. You didn't complain as much because you had told Miguel it was all going to be used for your education.
Miguel was fine with it, but he loved to take your shopping. Buying you everything you looked at, everything you wanted, it felt too much sometimes.
Luck was truly on your side to have taken such a risk that night. Not only had you paid off all your bills, but you were finally going back to school. Miguel was so understanding and supportive of you that you couldn't help but fall more in love with him.
Miguel was amazing at everything. Once the two of you became an official couple, he was more honest with you.
The man was the son of the CEO of Alchemax.
The man was SPIDER-MAN!
The later secret was told just recently. You had found Miguel injured and grew extremely worried as you helped heal his wounds. It made sense why he was so rich, so strong and so goddamn good in bed. The stamina he had was inhumane.
Honestly, you were surprised how Miguel hasn't put a baby in you yet. There had been times where Miguel would fuck you so good that you couldn't move for the next few days.
Speaking of numb...
"Migueeeeel, I have an exam today. I told you," You said with a soft whine, laying flat on the bed.
"Aye, sorry mi amor (my love). I did restrain myself just a bit," Miguel said with a hum as he kissed your head, "I can swing you over to the building."
"But then I have to walk inside," You said with a pout, "I don't wanna be charged the missed fee."
"If that's what you're worried about..."
You squealed as Miguel flipped you over and pinned you against the bed. His smirk growing wider,
"I can handle as many missed fees as we need."
"But Daddy~" You giggled, causing Miguel to kiss you.
If there was one thing about having Miguel as a young Sugar Daddy that was good...was that Miguel LOVED being called 'Daddy'. It was a kink that you got used too as well.
"Ah~ D-Daddy! R-Right there~" You moaned, arching your back as Miguel held your hips.
"Does my good girl like that?" Miguel hummed as he thrusted into you again, "You want Daddy to take care of everything?"
"Y-Yesh! Yes! I-I'm a good girl!" You cried out, feeling your orgasm approach.
"Don't worry, I'll take....nh...good care of you." Miguel groaned as you tighten against his cock, "You want Daddy's milk that bad?"
You gripped against the bed sheets, begging for Miguel to unload inside of you. You gasped and moaned as Miguel gave you exactly what you wanted.
"Such a good girl," Miguel grunted as he kissed your neck, "My good girl,"
"Hah...hah...Miguel, I know...you're rich, but I can't keep...mhm...abusing you like this." You muttered. Miguel raised a brow as he picked you up from the bed,
"(Y/N), You know well that I don't mind. I have too much money to know what to do with. I will gladly always spend every penny on you."
"Hehe, a true sugar daddy."
"You're daddy." Miguel said with a chuckle as he carried you to the bathroom, "You've worked too hard your whole life to allow me to let you continue. I want to make sure you are always comfortable."
"You're always working hard too, Miguel. You have to live comfortably too."
You closed your eyes as Miguel gave you a deep kiss. He turned the water on and laid in the large bath with you. His arms firmly around your waist as the two of you laid in the tub. Your hands stroking his scars on his arms.
"Why don't we go on vacation? To celebrate me graduating soon. You could use the week off."
"Hm?" Miguel nuzzled his head against the crook of your neck, "How about three weeks? Any country of your choosing."
"Oh, you spoil me, Daddy."
"Anything for my good girl,"
It was a good thing Miguel was paying that fee for missing your exam...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you liked it~
#miguel spiderverse#miguel o'hara x reader#spiderman 2099#miguel o’hara x reader#miguel spiderman#miguel o'hara#atsv miguel#miguel o'hara smut#across the spiderverse#miguel x you#miguel x fem!reader
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hiii i absolutely loved your chiori fic!! it was sooo well written! we dont get enough chiori content 😭😭
if its not too much to ask, can i request g!p werewolf reader in rut x chiori?
thank youu!
2 similar requests, here we go <3
18+ CONTENT
Game: Genshin Impact
Characters: Chiori x Werewolf G!p reader
Type: Smut, really filthy and hardcore smut
It was supposed to be a pleasant morning for Chiori as she worked in her boutique. Her scheduled clients came in and everything was going as expected, she was working on the outfits ordered and was satisfied with her work for the day. Then why was she now pinned against the door of her own office, with a thick cock inside her at that?
"Agh! Chio... you feel so good....!~"
Your groan echoed in her ear, sending shivers in her body. Her legs were held up by your strong arms as her body arched off the door, your face buried in her neck and your teeth biting down. She scolded herself for giving in to you so easily when you came to her in a desperate state. How could she resist with the way you leaned on her and begged her to help you? How could she resist the heat radiating from your body as you embraced her, your hot breath panting in her ear and your throbbing cock rubbing against her thighs?
Next time, she told herself. Next time she would show more restraint and train you to hold back until you reached a better location at least. But currently, she couldn't hold back screaming with the way your cock penetrated her deeply and pounded away. You had her picked up against the door now, her legs wrapping around your waist and hands desperately clenching your back as you drove your cock in and out.
"Fuck... You are so tight for me! Chio... Chiori... let me use you everytime, please— Aah!~"
You licked up her collarbone and held her closer, bucking your hips with reckless abandon.
"Ngh— S-Slow down, you mutt! Aaahn!~ S-So rough.... you are tearing me open!~"
"Sorry, I can't control myself.... Agh! You feel so good! You are clenching me so well!~"
You grunted and picked up the pace, relentlessly thrusting your hips into her making her eyes roll to her skull. Her clothes were in shambles with the way you ripped her tights to plunge your cock in, and your hands soon after ripped her other clothes. You suddenly picked her up from the door and carried her to the sofa with your cock still inside her, wasting no time to turn her over and bend her on the armrest.
"W-Wait! Oi, let's go home at le— mmmgh!~" you cut her off with a hard thrust, your cock hitting her deepest spot. You held her hips and resumed plowing into her, her body soon fell limp against the armrest and your hand further shover her face down on it, her ass up for you to use. Grunts and moans resounded in her office; she was lucky it was already past closing time hence nobody would interrupt and her office was in the back of her shop so no sounds would likely leak out.
"I'll take you home soon....ngh... don't worry.... and we'll continue there too. Just... mmh... just let me do this once now...."
Your ruts usually didn't happen at bad times and Chiori was helpful enough to keep a track and be available to help you. But this time was unexpected for both of you, you had no idea what triggered it really. But luckily you were able to hold back until you reached Chiori's shop and convinced her to help you. You knew she was busy and you hated disturbing her, but despite Chiori's harsh words and reluctance, she would never deny helping you.
"Ngh! You got so much tighter now.... f-fuck! Take me more! I'm going to fill you up! You want that, don't you, Chio?~"
"Nnnn... s-shut up and cum already! I want to go home soon!"
You grinned and leaned on her back, licking her nape before biting down and marking her. She gasped in surprised and arched up, her hips subconsciously rutting back into you and seeking more friction.
"Look at you.... so eager to cum... hah.... should I help you, Chio?~"
"Mmm.... stop talking.... I'm close.... keep moving like this.... aaah~"
You wrapped your arms around her body and embraced her, one hand snaked down and teased her clit as you thrusted hard and fast. She bit her lip feeling your finger circle her clit and your knot hitting against her vulva, she anticipated for the moment you'd plunge it in and plug her up with your seed.
"Cumming... so close... ahh.. Chio.... take it all!~"
Your hips bucked forward with a harsh thrust as your knot slipped inside her, a growl resounding in her ears as she felt your hot and thick cum flood her insides. Your fingers vigorously rubbed her clit and made her release as well, her walls clenching your cock at the same time making you grunt and release even more. Your knot plugged her up perfectly as both of you panted out from your orgasms.
She looped her arm around your head and patted your fluffy ears, the action making you cuddle into her shoulder and growl cutely. She smirked as you whimpered from just your ears being petted, she could even feel your tail wag against the sofa indicating her how good you felt. She was definitely going to use this to her advantage next round.
#genshin impact#genshin smut#genshin impact smut#genshin women#chiori#chiori x reader#chiori smut#g!p reader#genshin x reader
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Hey Krystal! 💎 It's me again 😌
Hope you've been well. 🥰
WayV members as type of rich bfs (sugar daddies) 👀..... Anything and everything within this prompt is most welcome 🤭. Have a great day bye ❤
Hey sweetheart! how are you?
You scared me again with the name ngl lmaoo
but it's all good
ENJOY<333
Way V Members as Sugar Daddies
MDNI
MINORS GO AWAY
Kun
He's a bit hard to get through to at first IMO
When he says sugar daddy he means money in exchange for accompanying him to events
he's so strict with himself that he really doesn't allow it to get past that.
That's all it is for a few months yk?
until you express that it seems a bit weird because you were definitely expecting more...
And Kun like the damn provider he is
gives you just that...more
but definitely explains to you that he's a possessive little shit.
good pu$$y turns a perfectly sane man in to a mad man pt.1
he's mad asf for youuuu
now that s3x is involved this man SPOILSSSSSSS you
way more than he was doing prior
which seems a bit impossible because babyyy you were getting bagsssss
he's so strict too like he makes it clear that you belong to him
period.
istg at some point he graduates from sugar daddy to husband
you want a spontaneous trip to some crazy rich island? ok, no problem
you want a bag that costs way too much money? he'll get you that in the next 2 hours
also...don't let that cute smile fool you, the man is a menace.
"Can't believe I deprived myself of this pretty c*nt" he thrusts inside you so slow...dangerously slow
"That's right baby Daddy's right here to give you everything you need"
Ten
Maam.
he gets right to it. lmaooo
Tells you that he needs you to accompany him to events and asks you if you're ok with other "stuff"
duhhh
first off the chemistry between y'all is AMAZINGGG
We all know this man loves fashion so having the latest designer pieces is a given
what starts off as a lil service after events
blooms into something more
very protective of you
baby he doesn't play about you or the custom diamonds he put around your neck. TRUST!
compared to before the relationship bloomed the s3x between you two was rather respectful?...yh that's the word
now?
LMAOOOOO
he rips that shit off youuu
President of the "I'll just buy you a new one" club
it's rough btw unlike Kun, Ten is rough and occasionally enjoys it when you're on top
hehe
"fuck...I'd choose this pu$$y over diamonds any day"
Winwin
See how pretty this man is?
yeah he's gonna make sure you're even prettier than him
Literally bathes you in expensive shit.
SPOILLS you omggg
it's worrying sometimes
to the point where the bank calls him
asking if he's aware that there is a concerning amount of money leaving his account
From head to toe it's luxuryyyyy
the s3x is good....just good
I'm sure I've said this before but Winiwn strikes me as someone who just gets to it.
not too rough not too gentle yk?
its just right
he does like when you wear that little diamond collar he got you when he's ball deep inside you though
he's strictly sugar daddy btw
I think he'd prefer that
Xiaojun
if you manage to pull him and keep him you're one lucky mf
this man moves through sugar babies like the days of the week
He likes the thrill of it all imo
yes he'll spoil you
but you better make sure the pleasure you give him is worth the 100k he just splurged
"C'mon now princess, Daddy knows you can do way better than that" he whispers teasingly as your body trembles from exhaustion and overstimulation
he likes to be kept on his toes
and you keep surprising him
your bills are paid and you're getting f*cked dumb
and he has the prettiest girl to spoil and break
It's a win-win honestly
Hendery
he's so sweet at first omlll
yes he dotes on you and all that jazz
but you guys actually become friends yk?
he's a whole gentleman
never crossing the line
just kind and attentive
gets you WHATEVER you want
and mean ANYTHING
nothing is out of reach for his baby
he just expects you to behave
but what's the fun in that?
let him catch you trying to buy things with your own money
or some shit like that
you are DONEE
when he f*cks you
he ensures that you merge with the mattress
takes "fuck you into the mattress" literally
ass up face down supremacy
do not play with him like that.
"Move your hand baby, I told you actions have consequences"
Yang Yang
This mf is just horny
lmaooo
very possessive oml
and not in the mature way like Kun or the gentlemanly way like Hendery
but possessive like a damn child
you go to parties together and he doesn't want you talking for anybody else too long
look at him and only him
the fucker got you a carrier bracelet with his name embedded into it
and told you to wear it at all times
for the most part, he's harmless
extremely touchy-feely
controls his urges well though
unless you're fucking around too much
then he has to show you why you should just let him be
it's fast and hard
I'm so serious
This MF can go roundsss
because he's desperate asf
BABY TRAPPING CENTRAL
"Such a fuckin' tease. let's see how much teasing you'll do when I swell you up hm?"
#nct smut#nct scenarios#nct imagines#nct yuta#nct doyoung#nct fanfic#nct dream#nct fluff#nct taeyong#nct 127#nct way v#nct wayv#wayv#wayv reactions#wayv scenarios#wayv headcanons#wayv fluff#wayv fanfic#kun wayv#ten wayv#winwin#xiaojun#hendery#yangyang#nct reactions#nct fic#wayv smut
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1, A, !
(You don't have to write this one. 😈)
for the mind who came up with this game idea??? yes i do. your roll: cowboy!eddie, over the knee, and hand ;)
minors dni. dom/sub themes, spanking, a little mocking. teasing/meanish!eddie.
Eddie huffed, tossing the shovel down with a dramatic grunt. "You're just gonna stand there?" You didn't need to see him to know that his gloved hands were on his hips, jaw ground tight in annoyance.
You kept your back to him, defiant and furious. Too stubborn to retreat to the house in defeat that you hadn't got either things you wanted, so you stood, making him painfully aware of your displeasure.
"I told you I'd help you after 'while-"
"-It's been after while." You snapped, eyes rolling hard. "You always do this-"
"-Oh, don't you even start-"
"-You don't want me to do anything because I'll hurt myself, but then you put the things I ask you to do at the very bottom of your to do list." You turned, glaring at him pointedly.
Eddie's lips rolled, eyes slitting in a glare. "I do not." He snapped. "I told you this morning, I'd help you when I got done with everything I needed to. There's things I need to do, and I told you that."
You scoffed, starting to retort. Eddie stepped forward, boots heavy on the wooden barn floor. "And you're just mad I didn't help you when you wanted to."
"You said-"
"-I said, when I was done." Eddie snapped. "I'm not done, and your whining is only slowing me down." You pouted at him, petulant and little embarrassed.
Eddie softened at your grumpy look, arms crossed over your chest, lip jutted in fury. "Why don't you just sit out here, and keep me company while I finish this, alright?" He nodded towards the small stool in the corner. "Talk to me nice while I finish this up."
"Why don't I just go do it myself?" You grumbled, stomping towards the stool in the corner. "It can't be that hard."
"Quit that." Eddie clicked. "I've told you now. I'll help you put the feeder in, just let me-"
"-I can do it." You snapped stubbornly. "You act like I'm incompetent-"
"-What?-"
"-Like I'm stupid," You sneered. "I am more than capable of putting a feeder in the coop-"
"-I never said you weren't, so don't start puttin' word in my mouth that you know I never said." Eddie was beyond annoyed now, teetering on furious, patience running thin at your little bratty attitude.
"But you're not letting me." You scoffed, throwing your hands up in annoyance, giving him a furious eye roll. "That makes soo much sense. Wait for you, even though I can do it, but wait for you because-"
"-Why are you being so hateful?" Eddie snapped, voice booming loud enough to have Medusa stopping in the pastures, looking at Eddie with caution. "I told you I'd help you when I got done, you've come out here and been nothin' but mean-"
"-I don't understand why I can't just do it-"
Eddie gawked at you, disbelief, annoyance, all mixed up and apparent on his face. "Are you- You're seriously fightin' with me about this still? When I've told you why?" He blinked at you. "What? Are you just wantin' a spankin'? Wanting to get on my nerves and piss me off so I'll spank you? Is that it?"
Your cheeks burned with embarrassment, fused with furious heat. "No," You snapped. "I want you to help me." Maybe it was a little true? At least he'd give you attention.
"Alright," Eddie pulled his gloves off with a huff, tossing them on the wheelbarrow of hay besides him. "I've had enough. Get over here."
"What?" You squeaked, an excited thrill rushing through your body straight to your core. "No!"
"Yes," Eddie snapped, heavy soled stepped bounding towards you. You stood up but didn't back away, letting him catch you by the arm, hand firm on your upper arm. It nearly had you drooling, dominance oozing out of him, it was magnetic.
"You've been acting awfully mean all day," Eddie grumbled, sitting on the small wooden bench by the door, pulling you over his knees. "Shoulda known this was what you were wanting."
"I don't." You huffed, a half hearted wiggle over his knee in protest that he saw right through, shoving your little sundress up.
"Right," Eddie scoffed sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "You've just been mean for fun then? Just to piss me off."
"You're pissing me of- ow!" You pushed against his leg, body bucking in the air at the first sharp smack of his calloused hand on your ass.
Eddie gritted his teeth, wrestling you back into place, before delivering two more searing swats to each cheek. You wiggled, writhed, put up on helluva fight- which he was used to, loved it, really. He'd told you at the beginning of your relationship, when you'd first started exploring your little dynamic, that you rivaled even the wildest broncos. "Rode and tamed them before, so I'll do the same to you," Eddie had grinned at you. "You're a lot wilder than them, baby, I'll give you that."
Your hips lifted when Eddie gave a harsh smack to the center of your ass, vibrations of pain and pleasure shaking right into your core, leaving you whimpering desperately.
Eddie snickered lightly. "Knew it, look at you." He tsked lightly. "Like a cat in heat, Christ almighty."
"I am not!" You whined, palms pressing into the wood of the bench, Eddie's hand pressing you back into place. "Stop it, Eddie." It was half-hearted, your body betraying you with every deep arch of your spine towards his touch.
Eddie scoffed, squeezing the fat of your ass firmly, grinning at how you squealed, your skin raw from his assault. "Should've just told me you wanted a spanking instead of bein' mean." He slapped your ass again, swallowing at the recoil.
"I didn't." You whined.
"Hmm," Eddie pulled your cheeks apart, looking at your drooling, puffy lips between your legs. So painfully wet, he could taste it, licking his lips at the thought of burying himself between your legs right here.
You shuddered, turning your face into your folded arms in front of you in excited shame. Eddie continued delivering sharp smacks to each cheek, a steady rhythm building, not missing the way your hips rose and fell, grinding desperately onto whatever was beneath you for friction.
When Eddie finished, giving you a final smack to the center of your ass that had you crying out, you looked at him with an exaggerated pout.
"Aw, look at you, baby. Just a pitiful little thing, aren't ya?" Eddie cooed nearly mockingly. He pinched your jutted lip lightly, grinning when you whined. "You gonna be good for me?"
"Yes," You purred, smug- you were finally getting what you wanted.
"Good." Eddie pushed down your dress, patting your ass. "Take a seat and wait for me. I'll be done soon."
Your mouth fell in shock, watching him adjust himself before grabbing his gloves and going back to work.
#oneforthemunny#munnytalks#cowboy!eddie munson#munnygames#eddie munson au#eddie munson#cowboy!eddie#cowboy!eddie munson x reader#cowboy!eddie munson x fem!reader#cowboy!eddie munson x female reader#cowboy!eddie munson smut#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie x fem!reader#eddie stranger things#eddie my love <3#eddie x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson x fem!reader fluff#eddie munson x reader smut#eddie munson smut#oneforthemunny blurbs#eddie munson blurb#dom!eddie munson x brat!reader#brat tamer!eddie#brat tamer!eddie munson#dom!eddie munson
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Responsibility 🔞🖤
**Minors DNI! This is content for adults only! To read my SFW works, please see my masterlist.**
Summary: You’ve always had a hard time asking for help when you need it, and it doesn’t seem to get better as time goes by. Luckily for you, Hoseok knows you well enough to know when you need pampering.
Tags: Dom!Hoseok, Sub!Y/N, minimal plot, established relationship, dollification, safe words established, she calls him owner, PRAISE!!!!!, nonverbal sub space, oral (m. recieving), multiple orgasms (f. recieving), breeding kink (I didn't even mean to put it in this fic I swear but I can't fucking stop myself anymore send help), aftercare!!!, light angst (oopsie ✨), fluff at the end.
Warnings: Unprotected sex (don’t do that obviously lol)
W/C: 3970 (3.9K)
A/N: Hello everyone!! Sorry I disappeared once again, I just realized the last time I posted here was in NOVEMBER???? For the amount of BTS x Y/N writing I do it doesn't add up... I have been in a veryyyy big writer’s slump ALTHOUGH I have made some really good progress with a bigger series I hope to get out to you guys soon! These last few weeks have been a bit rough for me, so here is something a bit chiller with my beloved Dom!Hoseok x Y/N.
You’re in one of those moods again where everything feels too much.
It’s not necessarily your fault, but you’ve always had a hard time asking for help when you need it, and it doesn’t seem to get better as time goes by. You’ve known this about yourself for a long time, but you can’t help but get trapped in it.
It starts for you with a big project at work. You only volunteered to help out because no one else did, and it led to you being given more responsibility than your payroll even calls for. Initially, you tried to back out of it and make excuses, but your boss pushed forward with his own agenda and you never could. Now, you’re stuck doing work that isn’t really even yours without extra pay and with significantly more stress.
You’ve regretted it since the start, but you thought you’d be fine until today.
Today, you made a small mistake and your boss chewed you out for it in front of everyone. It wasn’t even a big deal, but your boss was in a bad mood to begin with and you just happened to be the person in the line of fire. But that small incident flared up something inside you—a deeply rooted fear of not being good enough.
And now, you find yourself plummeting down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk that really has nothing to do with work or anyone else. It has to do with you.
“What are you doing spacing out?” Hoseok’s laugh jolts you out of your thoughts. You look away from the TV, where your boyfriend is smiling warmly down at you. “Had a long day at work?”
You purse your lips. You don’t really want to get into it. It’s a bad habit, but you don’t like to drag Hoseok into your negativity. He has enough stress at his own job. “No, just tired.” You lie, getting off the couch.
“Y/N.” Hoseok says your name, wrapping a hand around your wrist. His voice is low, worried. You avoid his eyes. “What is it, sweetheart?”
“Nothing, I’m just tired.” You lie again, but you know Hoseok can see right through you. Of course he can, after all these years together.
You take a quick shower in the ensuite bathroom of your shared bedroom, then step out and run yourself a bath as a treat after a long day. You smile to yourself at the array of different bath bombs Hoseok keeps stocked for you, picking out one with a candy-like scent for tonight.
You drop the bath bomb in the water, watching it fizz and turn the water a shimmery baby pink. You step back in, sinking down into the hot water with a sigh. It’s not enough to take away the negative thoughts in your head, but it does take the edge off.
You’re almost dozing off in the bath when the bathroom door opens. Hoseok steps inside, then closes the door behind him. “That smells so good.” He comments, taking a seat on the closed toilet lid beside you.
You smile. “Yeah.”
The air is still slightly tense between you. Hoseok watches your face for a moment, then smiles. “This scent is nice, isn’t it? I’m glad I listened to the salesperson.” He asks, rolling up his sleeves. You wonder what he’s doing when he leans in and begins to massage your shoulders. “You’re too tense, though.” He comments under his breath.
You look away. With one small touch, Hoseok breaks down your walls. “Don’t deserve it.” You mumble.
“Don’t deserve what, sweetheart?” Hoseok asks gently, his thumbs now working into the dips of your collarbone.
You shake your head, feeling overwhelmed. “Everything. Don’t deserve your touch.”
“Is that so?” Hoseok asks in a low, patient voice that sends heat to your core. You know exactly what he’s doing, and although you want it, you can’t let yourself have it. You try to push away, to reach for the tub’s stopper and drain the bath away. But Hoseok stops you with a firm hand over your wrist. “I’m not done yet, sweetheart.” He warns you gently, pushing you back against the tub.
Hoseok’s eyes flicker down to your cleavage, but he doesn’t touch you there yet. He can still see the hesitance in your eyes, the self-doubt that makes you fear submission to him. “It seems like you have a lot of thoughts in your head right now. Would you like me to give you a break, to let me do all the thinking? And you get to relax, just like a pretty little doll?” He purrs, causing you to rub your thighs together.
In the low light, Hoseok’s eyes glint with satisfaction at the effect his words have on you. “Oh, you would like that. Unfortunately I need to hear a special word before I can do that. Does my pretty girl remember what that word is?”
“Candy.” You murmur.
Hoseok beams, running a hand through your hair. “Good girl.” He emphasizes, making the fire in your belly burn brighter. “What a gorgeous doll I own.”
You gasp softly as Hoseok’s hands move down to cup your breasts, toying with your nipples. “Owner.” You whisper.
“Yes, doll?” Hoseok replies easily, continuing to rub the now-hard nubs.
“It’s cold.” You whisper. By now, the hot water has become lukewarm and you’re starting to get chilly. Hoseok hums, leaning in to kiss your breasts.
“Is that right?” He coos at you. His hands move down your torso, then part your thighs. You whimper as Hoseok plays with your clit, then drags a finger along your entrance. “Hmm…Feels nice and warm here though.” Hoseok makes an expression of fake-confusion, then slides a finger inside. You whine, gripping his forearm with both of your hands.
Hoseok chuckles, then kisses your forehead. He cups your mound, looking directly at you as he does it. “I don’t think I want to get my clothes wet. Let’s get you up and dressed.”
With that, Hoseok pulls the stopper. You watch the water drain down, until you’re left sitting in the empty tub. Hoseok stands, then puts a hand under your chin, guiding you to stand. His eyes move down your naked body, full of controlled lust. He has you step out of the tub, then picks a towel off the shelf. “So wet.” He chides, taking your hand in his and drying each finger diligently. You watch him as he carefully works his way up your arm, then dries your armpit for you. He repeats the motion on the other side.
Then, Hoseok pushes your chin up, expecting you to look up. You obey. He dries off your neck, then your collarbones. You whine as he takes his time with your breasts, thumbing at them through the towel. “So, so wet.” Hoseok chides, then pinches one nipple. “This is why pretty things like you are hard work. If owner forgets to take good care of you, you become so messy. Isn’t that right, doll?”
“Yes, owner.” You murmur.
Hoseok lightly guides your chin down, allowing you to look at him again. “But messy girls are fun, too, because then owner has fun cleaning you and setting you straight.” He says, forcing your thighs apart to dry off your inner thighs. You purse your lips as he takes his sweet time drying your thighs and calves. Hoseok smiles up at you as he wipes off your feet. “It’s been so long since I got you a mani-pedi. I should do that, then take you out and get you some outfits. We can stop by a jewellery store, too. TIffany’s? No, maybe Cartier would be better.”
You listen quietly as Hoseok talks to himself, appraising your body as he does. You’re not meant to voice your opinion for things like this—you’re meant to take what he gives you. You let Hoseok turn you around, then begin wiping down your back. It’s mindless, but that’s the point. To submit, to gratefully take what you’re given. But you can’t help the nagging voice in your mind. “Don’t deserve it.” You mumble. Hoseok’s hands pause.
Hoseok scoffs. “How can a doll know what their worth is? What, are you some kind of AI?” He comments, continuing to work at you.
“Deserve punishment.” You mumble. “I’m bad.”
Hoseok hums as if he agrees, then puts a hand on your ass. You flinch and he notices. “Do you think I’d play with a bad doll?” Hoseok whispers, his voice dangerous in your ear.
You answer immediately. “No, owner.”
“That’s right!” He says cheerfully, turning you back around. Taking your face in one hand, Hoseok grins at you, but warning flashes in his eyes. “My doll doesn’t get punished. My doll is a good girl who listens and takes what I give her. Has owner been slacking in pampering his doll that she’s forgotten who she belongs to?”
“No, owner.” You repeat.
Hoseok looks displeased. You feel the urge to cry, hating his displeasure. You want to be good, but you don’t feel good enough!
Hoseok takes your hand and guides you into the ensuite closet. Still naked, you stand with your hands clasped as Hoseok (still fully dressed) opens a bag at the back of the closet, one you’ve never seen before. He pulls out two pieces of lingerie—one is a simple pair of white silk panties, and the other is a white, translucent babydoll with a small white bow in the middle. Without asking if you like it, Hoseok comes over to you and lifts you up onto the island in the closet. He puts the panties on you first, then the top. “So pretty.” He says, then rubs your cheek proudly. You preen at his touch.
Hoseok brings you to the bedroom next, sitting you down in front of your vanity. He hums to himself as he picks up your comb and brushes your hair. He decides to do a French braid tonight, then ties it in place with a little bow hair tie at the bottom. You both know it won’t look like that soon. “Such a pretty thing.” He praises you, eyes boring on you in the mirror. He taps your lips once, and you open your mouth. Hoseok spits in your mouth, then settles a hand on your throat. “Swallow.” He orders, then beams as he feels your throat bob from swallowing.
The dom reaches between your legs again, moving aside your underwear as he slips a finger into you again. By now, you’re much wetter. Hoseok laughs, then holds your face in one hand, forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror. You watch your own helpless face as your dom fingers you with amusement on his face. “So weak. Is this all you can take?”
“Owner, owner—” You whimper, putting a hand on Hoseok’s arm as he slips another finger inside.
“What, now you remember who owns you?” Hoseok asks, reaching down with his free hand to rub at your clit. He laughs at your fucked out face. “Dolls can’t come without permission. You should know that by now, sweetheart.”
“Owner, please, please let me come, please—” You plead.
“Five. Four.” Hoseok counts you down. You bite your lip, trying to hold back. “Three, two, one, now.”
Your whole body shakes as Hoseok works you through your orgasm. You feel come drip out of you, wetting your panties and the chair underneath you. But you don’t care at all, not with Hoseok murmuring praises in your ear. “What an obedient little cunt, just like I trained you. It’s like you were made to belong to me.”
You whine. Hoseok has you stand up, turning you half-sideways. You look in the mirror as the dom runs his clean hand down your hair gently, then rubs both hands over your hips. You breathe in sharply as you meet Hoseok’s eyes. He smirks, then digs his hands into your asscheeks, slightly spreading you. “What a messy girl. Only took two fingers and you’re all shiny down here.” He laughs, running a finger over your inner thigh, where your pre-come coats the skin.
“Owner.” You mumble against Hoseok’s collarbone.
He beams. “Yes, my doll?”
You both know what you want, but you can’t bring yourself to ask for it. It’s not your place to ask him to fuck you, since you’re meant to let him do as he pleases. So instead, you just press yourself in against him, placing your cheek against his collarbone. Hoseok knows what you mean without saying it. He presses a kiss to your hair, then presents his left hand—still covered by your juices—to your mouth and sticks his thumb in. You suck obediently, looking directly at your dom. “Such a useful mouth.” He purrs. You let out a small sound at his praise. Hoseok withdraws his thumb, then switches to give you his index and middle fingers. As you do that, the dom meticulously straightens your hair, ensuring not a hair is out of place. Finally, he gives you his ring and pinky finger to lick. You don’t miss the emerald and diamond ring on his ring finger—ensuring to get your juices out of every crevice around the ring. Hoseok’s jaw tightens at the sight.
The dom intertwines your hands, then brings you over to the bed. Using his free hand, he pulls back the covers, then guides you under. You watch Hoseok grab the TV remotes and return. You glance at the hard member in Hoseok’s pants as he sits in bed next to you. Knowing what you’re thinking, Hoseok pulls his pants and underwear down in one go—revealing the hard, leaking member. “I wonder if that movie is out yet…” Hoseok says to no one in particular, pretending to be interested in finding some movie. Without saying a word, Hoseok entangles a hand in your hair, guiding you down toward his member under the covers. Your breath sharpens at the feeling of being used to pleasure him as he watches a movie, just a little thing for him to control.
You start to lick from your position at his side, but Hoseok frowns at you. Your eyes widen. Have you done something wrong? “Hmm…” He says, then reaches down and hooks a finger into the hip part of your panties. Using them, he pulls you down so you’re sitting on his calves. He lets go, then returns the hand to your hair. For added effect, he tucks the covers in around you, leaving just your head up for you to suck him off. You whimper, loving the feeling. You’re his toy, his doll.
You begin sucking Hoseok off, doing your absolute best to please him as you work at him with your mouth and cup his balls with your hands. Hoseok runs a hand through your hair gently, idly, like he’s barely paying attention when you know he couldn’t care less about what’s on screen. Even like this, you know you’re his priority.
You lick the slit of his member and Hoseok hisses. “Oh, that’s it.” He praises you, tightening the hand in your hair slightly. “What a good girl. So useful.”
You moan, accidentally pressing yourself down against his calf. Hoseok notices immediately. “Is my doll getting restless? Is me playing with your mouth not enough?”
“No, owner. I-I’m grateful.” You protest weakly.
Hoseok’s eyes glint dangerously. “Yeah? Then why are you rubbing yourself against my leg like a puppy in heat?” He sits you up, bringing you onto his lap. You purse your lips as Hoseok feels how wet you are again with his hand. “Good girls don’t hide their feelings, sweetheart. You know that.”
“Yes, owner.” You say, looking at him through your lashes.
Hoseok tsks. He slots his thigh between your legs. You sigh as he pushes up against you, loving the feeling of his hot skin against your aching clit. “If it feels good, you need to show me, sweetheart. Now, look at me and show me how good it feels. And don’t look away.” He orders. You swallow. Hoseok settles a hand to the back of your neck, holding you firmly. You slowly begin rubbing yourself against his thigh, looking directly at your dom. Hoseok watches you intently, ignoring the movie playing in the background. The lust in his eyes is illuminated by the changing colours from the screen.
Your desperation mounts embarrassingly fast with Hoseok watching you rub yourself against him. Knowing that, Hoseok taps your chin, indicating for you to open your mouth. You take his thumb in your mouth, sucking as best as you can but you’re not consistent—the seal you form around his thumb is broken all too often by the moans and sighs you let out. Hoseok smirks at that, knowing you can’t handle it. “Suck properly.” He orders. You swallow, then wrap your lips properly around his thumb. “That’s it. Who’s my good little slut?” Hoseok asks.
You whine, grinding faster. “Is it you?” He teases. “Hmm…I thought my doll knew how to come when I told her though. Let’s see. Come now.”
With a single order, you get your release. Your whole body shakes, and Hoseok pulls you in close. He wraps his arms around you, using one hand to cup the back of your head as you shake from your orgasm. “So obedient. Just like I trained you. I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.”
“Thank you, thank you.” You chant, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. You’re almost crying at this point, feeling so taken care of and loved. “So grateful. Thank you, owner.”
Hoseok pulls back slightly, cupping your face in both of his hands. He kisses you, slow and passionate. “Can you handle more, baby?”
“Yes, owner.” You answer, feeling soft. Hoseok’s eyes sparkle. He knows that tone of your voice. You’re slipping further and further into your sub space, and it won’t be long until it’s hard for words to come out altogether. But Hoseok knows your body and your limits. He’ll give you exactly what he knows you can take.
“Go get your plug.” He orders. You crawl to the other side of the bed, reaching into the nightstand. Although the two of you have various toys, you know he means the small toy shaped like a teardrop with a little gem at the flared end. You bring it to him, presenting it with both hands. Hoseok takes it, then guides you to lay down. You lay back, feeling loved and safe. Hoseok will take care of you. He always does. Hoseok leans over you. “Show me your colours.” He says, knowing words are starting to slip away from you already. You squeeze Hoseok’s shoulder once to indicate green, twice for yellow, and three times for red. Hoseok kisses your forehead in praise. “What’s your colour right now?”
You squeeze once. “Such a good listener.” He praises you. He checks you’re ready, then slowly slides into you. You pant as he bottoms out, feeling full.
“O-Owner.” Your voice comes out weak. “P-Please.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Hoseok reassures you. He allows you to wrap your arms around his shoulders, pressing your cheek against his shoulder. “I’ll take good care of you. Fill your womb with my seed.”
You clench around him. “P-Please.” Then, you whine into his ear. “B-Breed me, owner.”
Hoseok growls, planting his hands on either side of your waist. He begins to move slowly, but you know he’s holding himself back for you. “Yeah?” He asks. “Want me to get you pregnant, sweetheart? Take care of you, take responsibility?”
You moan at the idea of being safe and taken care of. For someone who always pushes herself too far, you know deep down you’d love that. And Hoseok knows it, too, even if you don’t know how to ask for it. He knows you. Soon, Hoseok’s thrusts become faster and faster, knowing you’ve adjusted enough for him. Your moans become louder, and the nails you dig into Hoseok’s skin start to leave deeper indents. Soon, you’re arching your back. Hoseok’s own hips start to stutter. He reaches for your hair, tangling a firm hand in it. You sigh happily at his firmness. “Almost there, sweetheart.” Hoseok promises, reaching down to rub your clit. “You can do it, baby. Ready? 3…2…1…Now.”
Your orgasm wracks through you again, making you shake a third time tonight. At the same time, hot seed fills you, making you feel insane with pleasure. Tears slip out of the corners of your eyes, landing on the pillow. Hoseok wipes your cheeks immediately, then pulls you in as he lays on top of you. You feel so safe with him both inside you and on top of you, sandwiched between him and the sheets.
“T-Thank you, thank you.” You repeat, digging your nails into Hoseok’s shoulders. “Thank you, owner. So grateful.”
“You’re welcome, baby.” Hoseok says, smiling at you. He runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back. Even though he doesn’t say it, you see the relief in Hoseok’s eyes as you finally smile sincerely tonight. You lay there for some time and catch your breath. You kiss and hold one another, feeling comfortable. Then, Hoseok slowly slides out of you. You shiver as the seed begins to slip out of you, but Hoseok guides it back in with the plug. You clench around it, feeling pleased. “That’s my girl. So proud of you, sweetheart.”
You lay peacefully as Hoseok gets up, leaving the room momentarily. He returns with a glass of water and two granola bars for you. You’re still quite far into your sub space, so words are a bit difficult for you right now. Knowing that, Hoseok just quietly helps you sit up and feeds you your snack. Once you’re done, he carefully helps you drink the water.
“Should we shower now?” Hoseok asks. You purse your lips, looking down at your intertwined hands. He laughs. “Okay. In twenty minutes then.”
You smile, letting Hoseok pull you back under the covers for some cuddles before shower time. “Sweetheart.” Hoseok says, hooking his chin over your shoulder as he spoons you. You hum. “Remember you don’t need to hide from me, okay? If anything is bothering you, you tell me. I won’t think you’re any less good at your job if you talk to me about it, I promise. And although I know you would never give up your passion, I want you to know you don’t have to work if you don’t want to.”
You blink, craning your head to look at your boyfriend. Hoseok (despite the blush on his face) looks resolute. “I’m not kidding when I say I’ll take responsibility for you. I really can take good care of you.”
You giggle. It feels like a proposal. “I know, Hoseokie.” You mumble, cuddling back against him. You sigh, closing your eyes against the pillow as Hoseok gently rubs a hand over your belly. “I love you.” You whisper.
“I love you too.” Hoseok presses another kiss in your hair. Just then, he glances at the clock. “Okay, twenty minutes over. Let’s go.” He says. You pout, but he just grins at you. “A deal’s a deal, baby. Come on, let me get you cleaned up so I can change the sheets.”
You pout, holding your arms up. Hoseok laughs, tipping his head back. “Actually, I change my mind. I don’t want such a spoiled wife.”
“Too bad.” You mumble with a smile as he scoops you up into his arms like a bride. By now, your headspace has worn off but you feel so soft and content. “You have to take responsibility for me.”
You and Hoseok laugh together as he carries you to the bathroom.
🖤🖤🖤
A/N: Thank you for reading! I'd like to thank the Academy and fucking 2022 Mama red carpet Hoseok for inspiring me to stay up and write this fic when I have work at 8 am (but just look at him AGHHHHHHHHH). Also, requests are open <333
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Hello friends! It's been way way way way WAY too long since we chatted, and to be honest I've been taking an embarrassingly long time to write this update post because godDAMN life just gets you sometimes and you go on an impromptu hiatus that gets super messy. So let's get into what's been going on and what to look forward to!
Pedro Tax for this long-ass post.
(We're gonna get into some personal stuff, but if you're just here for what's coming up skip down to WHAT'S NEXT for the tl;dr version)
So beyond work getting hectic from January to March, which was the catalyst for everything getting wacky, I experienced a weird emotional turn that I wasn't expecting. It made me get a little introspective, which I blame some of my productivity slump on.
As I was finishing up the Bangathon entries, I noticed a sharp decline in interaction. I'm a fairly young fic writer on Tumblr, but I was a little baffled as to why stories I'd posted only a week before got a nice bit of interaction yet the newer ones were only getting half to a quarter of what I expected. For a minute I thought I had been shadowbanned (I was not) or I hadn't tagged the posts (I had) or my taglists weren't working (they were). People were already talking about interaction being lower, so I sat back and tried to go with the flow and not let it bother me. I posted Decoherence, which has a more niche audience, but I was definitely missing and wishing for some of the comments and reblogs I thought I might get.
All this led up to one of the least favorite voices in my head saying something that stuck around:
"Well, you were right not to become a writer if your motivation is this closely tied to feedback."
If you're new here or I haven't talked about it much recently, I initially was planning to be a writer. Went to school for it and everything. While I was there I felt like I hadn't found the stories I wanted to tell yet. My colleagues were developing in their niches and writing "the great American novel" and I didn't feel like I fit in. My stories had a lukewarm reception, and I never felt like anyone was excited about anything I was trying to say. So I wrote myself into burnout by the time I graduated with not much to show for it. I ended up doing a career switch, which I love to this day, but I stopped writing for almost 10 years.
Coming to Tumblr, I felt that spark of excitement writing again, and some of that was definitely due to people commenting and being excited or interested in the stories I was sharing. That truly revived something in me I thought was long gone, and reflecting back on the last two years that I've been sharing stories with this community makes me wildly emotional. I didn't know how much I missed of the life I left behind, and how much joy it brought me to share stories again.
Which is why it was SUPREMELY FRUSTRATING to have that shitty little voice pulverize my productivity and excitement over something as silly as interaction. But I'm sure most of you know how hard it is to get that voice out of your head. I worked to write things I found fun and less stressful than the series I already felt bad for not updating. And while I still love those stories, it felt like I was pulling them from an inauthentic place and finishing them wasn't as satisfying as I'd hoped.
Thus the hiatus! I stopped writing and turned my attentions to consuming and creating in other ways. I watched some shows I'd been meaning to catch up on, started planning to buy a house, worked my butt off at the day job. And I was starting to feel like inspiration was coming back. I didn't want to spook it so I took my time and promised myself I was going to start small and not stress about getting stories out for a bit.
Top that off with some medical surprises, an upcoming surgery, and a little re-evaluation of life moving forward and things have been wild. But I've been missing the daily joy I get from being part of this fandom, and I'm getting back into being here more because I miss you guys! AND! I have stories I want to share and fun to be had. So let's shake off all the heavy shit and get to the fun stuff!
WHAT'S NEXT!
The big thing I'm getting ready to post (after teasing it for so long) is the 2024 Bangathon! This one is different from last year's because instead of requesting stories from me, the Bangathon is open to anyone who wants to participate! There will be a randomizer to play with, and some fun bonuses for those who participate. The announcement will be coming out soon, stay tuned!
As for fics, here are some updates on what's in my WIPs:
Series:
I Think of You: I spent some time rewatching Mando for the newest installment, and I've finally gotten the thread of where to go next thought out. It's been a long time coming so this one's gonna be BEEFY to make up for it.
SW!Frankie: I am crushed to realize it's been over a year since I posted any SW!Frankie! I've got a new story about him and Ms J moving in together I need to finish, then some more asks that are getting into new story arcs I'm excited to share!
Best Laid Plans: Dieter and Murch's first date is bouncing around in my head and I NEED to get it on paper. There's much fun to be had, and I've been binge listening to my playlist for them to get into the headspace.
Midnight Alley: I got all up in my own head about continuing the story with these two and lost a little steam, so I'm going to ease off my "big plans" and start smaller with some oneshots instead. I think it'll help me find out where I want this story to go.
One Shots in Progress:
Decoherence Follow-Up
Incubus!Dieter Ask
You know, laying it out like that makes it feel much more manageable than my brain was telling me! I'm also planning to prioritize more fic reading while I'm getting these updates in ship-shape. Reading your stories always helps get my creative juices flowing, and there are so many good ones lingering in my TBR list that I need to devour.
This has been a rollercoaster of emotions, so thank you for coming on the ride with me. I'm excited to bring more of myself back to Tumblr and have fun with all of you again! To many more stories!
#prolix wips#I'm sorry I've been away for so long!#but I'm back!#if there are things I missed please tag me or send them!#I want to read all your stories!
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AITA (30f) for losing my cool/snapping at my roommate and friend (30m, who I will call Kyle) because he was too loud playing games online with his friends?
For context, in case it's needed: this happened a couple months ago, but it's been on my mind. We are both autistic and thus got a late start in our adult lives, in several ways. We have been friends for 10 years and have lived together for roughly 7 of them, on and off (we adopted 2 cats together many years ago, its just easier like this so we dont have to separate them or force one of us to be away from the cats. we love them very much. kind of a coparenting situation lol). Kyle has a salaried tech job that's remote for 70% of the time, and I've recently become a full-time online college student after failing to "make it" without a degree.
We live in a tiny 2-bedroom house that Kyle's family owns. We're only charged for utilities, which is why neither of us are leaving anytime soon (contrary to what you might assume, Kyle does not make a lot of money), especially since it's giving me the opportunity to go to school full-time and not worry about rent. Kyle helps me a lot with groceries and other necessities and I do most of the chores.
So we are always basically on top of each other, and sometimes we get on each other's nerves. We try to be respectful of each others' space, but it's hard because there is not much space in the first place.
I had a really busy day studying and doing homework, which is basically every day for me, since I'm taking 6 classes, 4 of which are STEM classes. So I tend to fall asleep early if I'm not unintentionally pulling all-nighters. I was trying to sleep when this happened around 9pm.
He usually closes his door because he knows he can be very loud, but it doesn't help much. I ended up having to close my own door to try and drown out some of his yelling and laughing, which I understand is going to happen and I try not to hold it against him.
But then he opened his door and left it wide open, so I could hear everything, like he was in the same room. Something really funny must have happened because he started scream-laughing.
Despite this being a semi-regular weekly occurrence, I was really startled. I figured, it probably wasn't intentional and he'll try to quiet down and close his door. I tried to relax and as soon as I started to fall asleep, he did it again, except louder.
This time he didn't stop, he was full-on screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. Kinda like those game streamers/youtubers where literally all they do is scream the whole time? Very similar. My cat, who was asleep under the blanket on top of me, got startled awake and scratched the shit out of my leg.
I think this all triggered a "fight" response because I was suddenly just so incredibly pissed at Kyle, which I tried to get under control, but he would not stop screaming and I literally could not hear myself think.
(I cannot wear earplugs or have anything in/covering my ears for huge sensory reasons.)
Then my cat wanted to leave the room to see what the commotion was, so I had to open the door, which gave me a direct line of sight to to Kyle at his computer.
I walked over to his doorway. Tried to knock and call his name, but he didnt notice with his noise cancelling headphones on. So I slammed my hand against his door to get his attention & yelled "Hey! Shut the fuck up, Kyle!"
He looked surprised to see me and laughed and kinds waved it off and said "sorry, it got a little intense" and he started to explain what they were doing.
I cut him off and said "I don't care. Shut the hell up." He said he could close his door again, and I said "No, you need to stop. Just stop! You're freaking the cats out too!" and I pointed to my leg with huge bloody scratch marks, shut his door, went back to my room, shut my own door. And of course after that I had adrenaline coursing through my body and I couldn't fall asleep anyway.
After that, I didnt hear a single sound from his room apart from an occasional quiet laugh. I started to feel guilty. I think I overreacted and ruined his fun. I know this is his way of blowing off steam halfway through the work week.
I also felt embarrassed because his friends probably heard me throwing a fit. We have lived with them before, and they're exactly that loud every single night. I have had to ask them to quiet down multiple times, and Kyle told me later on that gave them the impression that I'm. Well, "neurotic, controlling bitch" was heavily implied. Kyle is usually a lot more chill, but being around these guys influences him to act more like them.
But, I guess being loud while having fun isn't a crime, especially when it's not even 10pm yet. I feel like I proved his friends right, maybe.
The next morning I apologized, he apologized too, and everything seems to be good between us, but it's been a while and he's a lot quieter during game night now. He's such a reserved and stressed out person, he hardly ever laughs except when he's playing games, so I feel like I destroyed an important outlet.
I told another friend what happened and she said I didn't overreact at all and she would have flipped out way sooner if her husband did that. (Not sure it's comparable I mean we aren't married lol) And for the record, this friend and her husband were once part of a now-fractured friend group including Kyle and his game night friends, but grew apart, for a lot of reasons, but I think mainly because the Loud Gamer Friends never really grew up while everyone else matured and moved on to different phases in life.
Basically my friends current impression of Kyle is that he is a decent person but incredibly emotionally stunted and feels like he may unintentionally cope in ways that often hurt me without caring as much as she thinks he should. Which....feels partially accurate, I guess. But isn't that placing too much responsibility on him for my wellbeing? He does a lot for me, so it felt like an unfair thing to say.
My mom on the other hand, seems to fully think I am an asshole fun-ruiner. She thinks I should have tried harder to calm down. Maybe I should have approached him sooner - nicely.
And I agree. He probably would have tried his best to oblige even if he couldn't fully succeed. But that's the reason I didn't bother - in the past he has only been able to honor that kind of request for maybe 10-15 minutes, then forgets, and it's exhausting to keep reminding him.
Anyway... what does everyone here think?
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Midnight cuddles
Avery's POV
The wind howled fiercely as the doors to my outside patio shook with each gust of wind.
Hurricane Ivy was surely making her mark in meteorology history. of that I was confident.
Living in Connecticut almost all my life, I wasn't used to the extreme weather with now living in Texas.
Pulling the oversized comforter tighter around me I tried to relax in the very comfortable king-sized bed. Jameson had disappeared. Again.
The fact that my boyfriend disappeared once almost every 2 weeks wasn't too concerning. He always came back.
But tonight was different. The wild storm playing outside the doors did nothing to calm my nerves as I tried, and failed, to calm myself that Jameson was perfectly fine. Wearever the hell he was. My boyfriend lived for danger and thrills. Risks and dares were a second language to him. And I'd have to admit, sometimes for myself.
And then, as if summoned by some unholy magic, Jameson walked in soaked from head to toe.
"Are you alright?" I asked immediately sitting up.
"Are you actually worried about me?" Jameson Hawthorne flashed me his signature smirk.
"Of course I am." I replied indignantly. "If you weren't so reckless I wouldn't have to worry so much."
"But I thought that is what you liked about me Heiress?"
"You being stupid?"
"No. My fearlessness."
"Oh you're fearless alright."
"But the question is are you fearless Heiress?" He gave a devilish smile as he advanced toward the bed.
"Very. But don't you dare get on the bed all soaked. I don't feel like getting wet.
Jameson gave a fake pout.
I giggled. "Get changed, then we'll see."
A few minutes Jameson came back with no shirt and just dark blue sweat pants. His hair was stick dripping wet, but he was longer criminally close to get everything wet.
Crawling up beside me, he snaked his lanky arm around my waist pulling me in. I allowed it.
"So, where were you?" I had to ask.
"Went for a walk."
"In the rain?"
"Sometimes I need to do that."
"You can always talk to me if you need to."
"I know." He squeezed me while kissing me on the cheek. "You smell good."
"And you smell like rain and dirt."
"So I'm guessing I don't smell good."
"Not really. But that's ok. I still love you." It was my turn to kiss him.
"And I love you too."
"Really? Even when I annoy you?"
"You never annoy me."
I gave him a look.
"Ok, maybe a little. But I mean it Heiress. I love you. And it's not just for you're looks or smart brain. I love you're determination and willingness to help others. To stand up for yourself and pure heart. And mostly for putting up with me."
He paused for a breath and I took that moment to pull him in and passionately kiss him. He returned it heartily. Running my hand through his hair we stayed there for several minutes.
So invested we were that we didn't hear the sound of a camera going off. Looking up in shock we saw Xander standing there with his phone out.
"What are you doing in here?!" Jameson was outraged. "There is something called knocking."
"I did. No one answered. And I can see why." Xander gave a smirk.
"What do you need?" I wanted smack Xander so hard.
"I was seeing Jameson was finally home. Nash was worried about him. I see he is. I have proof."
"Don't you dare." Jameson looked like he was going to murder Xander.
"Dare what?" he asked innocently. "Send this to Nash and Grayson? Opps! I did!"
Jameson was up in an instant. "Alexander Blackwood Hawthorne! You get back here right now!" He threatened as Xander ran out of the room in top speed.
As mortified as I should have been, I wasn't. I laughed falling back on the pillows.
Just another night at Hawthorne House.
This is for all the AveryJameson fans out there.
Scroll down for a funny bonus part with all the brothers.
Bonus part
Nash's phone dinged five times.
"what the heck?" He thought. It was 12 in the morning. Grayson would never text him this late and Jameson usually was with Avery. So he guessed it must have come from Xander. And he was right.
He was greeted with a very in criminating photo of Avery and Jameson passionately kissing. Underneath Xander wrote:
"Jameson is home!"
"With Avery!"
"I found them like this"
Nash shook his head. There was no privacy in Hawthorne House. Ironic, since it was a massive place.
He replied. "Xander, get out of there. That is none of you're business."
A text quickly came back.
Xander: "Help!! Jameson is going to murder me!"
He mush have sent it as a group text because a text from Grayson came through.
"Good for him. Saves me from doing it."
Xander: "NOT NICE!!!"
"Alright, you 2 stop." Even texting Nash was having to keep them from killing each other.
"Xander deserves it!" Jameson had now joined the chat.
Xander: "I do not! I promise I didn't send it to anyone else.. Stop chasing me.
Grayson: You're texting while running?
Xander: YES"
Grayson: Stop being stupid.
Jameson: Yeah Xander. Stop doing stupid things.
Grayson: I was talking to both of you."
Nash decided he needed to join in before it got any worse.
Nash: ALRIGHT! You all stop. Jameson stop chasing Xander. Xander stop taking photos of people without their permission. And Grayson.. well, stop making things worse by being yourself.
Grayson: I'm going to pretend you didn't just insult me. I'm leaving.
Jameson: Good! We didn't want you here anyways.
Nash: Jamie shut up.
Jameson was quiet, so Nash guessed he finally gave up with Xander.
Just another night at Hawthorne Hous
#the inheritance games#the brothers hawthorne#the hawthorne legacy#the final gambit#grayson hawthorne#jameson hawthorne#nash hawthorne#xander hawthorne#avery grambs#the grandest game#Brothers#cuddles#texting while running
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I don't hear dyscalculia talked about much but it's life ruining.
Every time I ever tried counting to 100 I'd always end up skipping a bunch of numbers.
Counting, addition, subtraction are all difficult.
I can't use multiplication or division or any complex math. God forbid you add letters in there.
I was always way too early for everything or incredibly late. Sometimes comically late.
Numbers time amounts, it all means nothing to me. Less then nothing, I can't imagine it at all.
It's embarrassing to say the least that it takes me, an adult, on average about 5 mins to likely incorrectly answer 6x8.
If I ever thought I got the answer right first try my previous failures at even the most basic math causes me to second guess myself and then get it wrong anyway.
I tried so hard to get anything other then an F and detention for being so incapable of doing math in school. I eventually just stopped trying. I resented math because I didn't get it.
I dropped out in 8th-9th grade because I was being let off easy the past years and "made up" my failing grades in summer school every year I attended school, until they decided to just hold me back in class, attempted to put me in special education, and made me to drop out of band class because I kept failing math so incredibly bad. I just couldn't do it anymore. I dropped out. I tried to get my G.E.D. 3 times before I gave up.
It still haunts me to this day how some math teachers were so unwilling to find a diffrent way to teach me instead of just punishing me for my incompetence. It was unfair how many times I got left in class alone while everyone played or even went to lunch without me because I was stupider then everyone else.
I'm irrationally afraid of even trying to interact with the subject. The mental blockade my anxiety about it makes everything worse too.
Though a love for worldbuilding has me pulling up the calculator some days. And nothing a good old timer can't fix time blindness and some time related anxieties. It still sucks man. We have got to be nicer to dumb people. I'm being so genuine. If someone's bad at something maybe find out why and help them instead of being a dick about it.
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Birsflash angst could be so much better if it was treated as exes.
Imagine Dick cuddled up by himself after a mission where he wasn’t allowed to thrive, an arguement with Bruce and missing the flashing lights and cheers of the audience. He’d be lonely. No one to share the loneliness till Wally comes knocking on his door and he lets him kiss him. Not even to feel loved but to feel wanted and acknowledged to then have this go on continuously and without definition so when Wally just stops then it’s extra confusing because what were they? They weren’t dating but they were everything to each other so how do you move on when you don’t know what you’re moving away from?
Now it’s just awkward because they will do anything but talk about it. Feelings are hard and they’re great as friends, better even but sometimes in Dick’s hardest moments or Wally’s they can feel themselves slipping back into it. They can feel that same love bleed back out only to make them remember what used to be then pull away from each other even harder because they know better than to allow themselves to do that. They are adults now that have to make adult decisions.
These ideas are much more chewy.
I've been here for a long time but this is the first time I found myself answering an ask so I feel like this
Anyway
HECK YEAH I LOVE THE FLAVOUR UGHHH
I too see their sexual tension and can't help but ship them.
I fucking love their kinda awkward dynamic where they don't see each other for a lot ton of time. Sometimes they don't even acknowledge the things they've been through when they didn't see each other but they don't esitate to defend the other and keep calling the other their best friend.
I always think about how Dick and Kori stayed at Wally's house after that wedding fiasco, how Dick got offended when Wally first came to Hal to ask for help and not Dick. They have this kind of pettiness and possessiveness when it comes to the other that it's SO funny actually if you think about it (also very cute).
I imagine them having feelings for each other but the timing was always wrong, maybe because at first Dick was the only one in love, and then maybe Wally realises Dick's feeling and finds that he may also feel something but he already has a girlfriend, and the the Teen Titans split up, and then they form again but Dick meets Kori and then Wally meets Linda and then it's the thing:
Something pushed you both in different directions. Us? I got married. He didn't.
THE REASON I LOVE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS AAAAAHHHH
It's the fact that you keep holding onto something that isn't there anymore because you aren't the same people with the same lives as before, but despite it all you still know and understand the other better than most people and keep coming back to that comfort that you'll always find with THAT person who somehow always knows what to do to make you feel seen and understood and just by hearing them you feel better.
Thanks for giving me an excuse to yap about them✨🤸
Some more moments to get my point across:
Ok that's it or I'll stay here for days.
#asks#first time using this tag insane#ok I'll stop#dick grayson#wally west#birdflash#romantic or platonic nothing can make me hate them#dickwally#dc comics#nightwing#the flash#robin#kid flash#teen titans
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Hello, beauiful Sky COTL Community!!
Over the past couple of months myself and my beauiful friend @ebi-skycotlbi have been working on a passion project involving a story that takes place in the seven realms of the Sky community. The story is turning out beautifully and we wanted to reach out to see if this is something that peaks our communities interest!
I give the summary :)
Feyra leaned forward his face was tense and serious, illuminated by the soft glow of the fire as he asked, “Why are you trying to find the Forest Elder?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Ari snapped. Her sharp golden eyes narrowed.
“Sometimes things that don’t want to be found will do what they can to not be.”
“If that was the case I would call her a coward,” Ari bared her teeth. “All of the Elders are.”
Feyra jumped up, his ears pinned back in anger, “You have no idea of what you speak of, Golden One.” He seethed.
Ari jumped up but swayed slightly as she did, “I have a hard time understanding that the Forest Elder would just leave her realm to die!”
Being alone is all Ari has ever known. She has spent seasons of her life pouring her love into the Forest Realm, doing her best to stall the darkness that is spreading through her realm while trying to desperately find her Elder. When the weight of the situation burdens her, she is forced to learn to lean on others to help protect what she has always known.
Feyra closely guards a secret that could threaten his life and others around him. He has spent seasons of his life blending in and building his life in Avairy as a merchant. While he tries to forget the past, he guards his heart and his loved ones from the truth. Soon his peace is shattered when Ari falls into his life and the shining truth of the danger that threatens their home shows itself.
In the aftermath of the Shattering, the skykids of the realms were forced to give their winged light as the darkness spread throughout the lands consuming everything in its path. In a desperate miracle, the collected winged light of the faded skykids awoke the Elders of the realms. With that power, the Elders sealed the great city of Eden to stop the rest of the darkness from leaking into their world. Remnants of the darkness remained in the realms even as life was given back to the skykids.
They were left to rebuild their homes and of what was left of their realms. Mourning the loss of their homes and their friends, seasons past and the skykids learned to make homes and communities of what was left for them.
The darkness that remained and lingered soon began to spread after many spread. Disrupting the small peace that had settled over the realms. Others start to take notice as the shards of a great evil spread and threaten to consume their world once again and more concerning the silence of the Elders that had sealed themselves off from their people.
In a story about found family, love, sacrifice, loss, and holding on to the ones you love when all seems lost. Ari and Feyra must learn the truth behind the sinister evil that threatens to take their home and their loved ones. Before it is too late.
“If action is not taken. There will be no home to return to.”
Let us know in the comments below your thoughts and if you would be so kind as to reblog we would greatly appreciate it!
Thank you lovelies!!
#artists on tumblr#sky children of the light#drawing#digital art#digital illustration#sky#sky cotl#friends#oc art#skykid#Sky community#shattered peace#writing#story#romance#comedy#found family#fanfic#angst
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Can’t Bring Myself To Hate You — Part 17
Azriel x Third-Oldest-Archeron-Sibling!Reader
a/n: does anyone mind the slightly longer chapters? I feel like I keep accidentally adding scenes in and I’m not sure if it’s too much? Anyway, regardless of length, I hope you enjoy! 🧡💛
word count: 8,024
-Part 16-
——————————————————————————————————————————————
“Was that necessary, Mor?”
Neatly groomed brows narrow over hard amber eyes, stood at the edge of the room, still cast in shadow before walking to be stood closer to the bed that’s been pushed so it’s beside the open window.
“Stay out of it, Az,” Mor murmurs, arms folded over her chest, eyes cast downwards. “You should be focusing on getting better.”
Azriel is quiet for a bit, his gaze weighing on her but she makes no move to look at him, a hint of anguish in her normally bright expression. He sighs, shifting against the pillows as he glances out the window, inclining his head a little as a light breeze washes over him, sending silky strands of hair fluttering up from his brow.
“You know she didn’t do it to hurt you,” he says, watching as the clouds shift in composition in the sky, small dots flying in the distance as they arc and dip with the winds. Hazel eyes flick back across the room, but Mor’s head is still lowered, her expression resentful. “You know you were being cruel.”
“And you’re in a position to criticise me?” Mor replies quietly, hard amber piercing into him. “You’re the reason this became such a mess. You should have said something. There’s no way you couldn’t have noticed.”
“I made a mistake,” he concedes reluctantly, holding her gaze.
“You made more than a mistake, Az. Now we’re all hurting because you—”
“Mor,” Azriel interrupts. She stiffens but doesn’t yield, that look of reproach returning to her expression. “You can’t lash out at us whenever you hurt,” he says thickly, still watching her. Silence stretches between them, centuries worth of history pulled taut in the quiet.
“What does Rhys think?” Mor diverts, successfully switching subjects. Azriel sighs, leaning back into the pillow, “about which part?” Mor’s brows narrow a little, “all of it, I suppose.” Azriel’s jaw works, glancing briefly out the window again to peer up into the sky, the winds calling to him and his wings move subtly at his back, repositioning themselves against the large stack of cushions placed to prop him up.
“He’s furious that it got this far,” he replies, features carefully neutral as he answers the question. Amber eyes observe, offered insight through those years of friendship that others might struggle to pick out—the guilt he feels for failing. Not just her, or Mor, but Rhys and Feyre. For inadvertently allowing a situation to unfold where his brother would be forced to remember those months…years of grief after his family was slaughtered. After his sister was murdered. The whole situation is dredging up unwelcome memories, for all of them. They can’t let another one be lost.
“He wants to know how Eris even got to her in the first place,” Azriel admits, glancing warily at Mor to gauge her reaction. “You don’t know?” She asks, pushing past the tightness in her throat at the mere mention. But the Shadowsinger shakes his head. “There wasn’t really time to ask,” he supplies quietly. She wasn’t really even in the right mindset to be asked.
“What about Cassian?” Mor queries, but Azriel shakes his head.
“You know I won’t tell you.” Because to know Cassian’s thoughts on the matter would likely be to know Nesta’s, and that isn’t the kind of emotional intimacy any of them would be comfortable with. It’s strange how emotions intermingle like that, how swiftly things can complicate themselves when new figures are added to the equation.
A beat passes, then Mor’s shifting on her feet. “You know, there was a time when we shared everything between us. Wasn’t that easier?” She asks neutrally.
“Mor,” Azriel warns lowly, causing Mor’s upper lit to curl slightly.
“Don’t take that tone with me, Az,” she mutters, resting her full attention on the injured male. “Don’t act like you’re completely blameless.”
“Assigning blame won’t fix anything,” he replies shortly, hazel eyes losing a little of their softness. “I’m sure that narrative suits you well,” Mor counters sharply. “I think you’re glad that I said those things to her so that you have a chance to redeem yourself by condemning me. You’re the one who started this whole mess, so—”
“Mor.”
“Shut up, Az,” Mor hisses, warmth vanishing from her face, eyes hardening as shields rise. “Don’t you dare try and twist what happened. You made mistake after mistake because you were too busy chasing Elain, and too busy ignoring what you didn’t want to acknowledge by hiding behind your work instead. At least I had a damn reason. What was yours?”
Azriel gives nothing away, his expression cold and blank.
“I tried to help her, I reached out my hand and offered her a chance. And she repaid that by going to Eris,” Mor hisses, unable to help the stark pain that bleeds into her fury. “She could have come to any of us. It’s more than we ever had, and yet she ignored it. Then tries to pretend it away? I’m not immune to that. If she can’t even be bothered to care about my pain why should I give a damn about hers?” Mor breathes, eyes feeling hot as the words gush out. “It is nothing compared to what we endured.”
————
You manage a small smile as Madja enters your room, Elain closing the door behind her as she takes a seat at your bedside.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Madja asks as she settles in the chair provided for these visits, a kind look on her face that you know you should be grateful for, but it’s difficult to summon anything when you know she can’t do anything. All this is, is documentation. An observation to see what happens to you. Because it’s undeniable something is happening.
You swallow thickly, but nod your head. “Good, for the most part,” you answer, truthfully. “I’m still feeling generally fatigued, but I wouldn’t say it’s particularly interfering with my day? I’ve had some pains in my stomach and back though, but I think they’re just…you know…” Madja raises her brows in question, silently asking you to continue. Heat rises beneath your skin and you avert your gaze, hands wringing together beneath the duvet.
“Would it be more helpful if it were just the two of you?” Elain suggests carefully, and teeth push into your lower lip. Then you give a small dip of your head, too embarrassed to look her in the eye. But she doesn’t seem to mind, telling you’ll she be a few rooms over, and will return once the examination is done. Madja looks patiently at you, a kind expression on her features that soothes you slightly. She’s a healer, surely she’ll have seen and heard worse…
You clear your throat, peering into your lap to avoid looking at her. “I think they might just be…” you trail off, glancing at her then gesturing vaguely to your stomach, hand hovering over your abdomen. There’s nothing impatient in her smile as she speaks, “your cycle?” You snap your eyes away, a flush of mortification rising to your skin, shoulders tightening as you stare into your lap but force yourself to nod.
“It’s perfectly fine to speak about that with me,” Madja says gently, “it’s a normal occurrence with females, there’s no need to be embarrassed about your own body. There’s nothing wrong with it.” You nod again, just to try and appease her, but in truth you’re desperate to escape the subject. “I’m sorry, I just— I find it hard to believe you aren’t…uncomfortable, discussing such topics.”
“Well, I’ve been a healer for most of my centuries in this realm,” she says calmly, and you can imagine that kind expression on her features, peaceful and infinitely patient. “I’ve worked during both wars, not to mention helping with your sister’s pregnancy. There’s very little that could ever cause me discomfort in regards to how the body works, so you don’t have to concern yourself.”
You shift again in the bed, but manage to nod your head. Madja seems to be satisfied with the response, smile broadening, and a slight bit of tension is relieved from your shoulders, breath easing into your lungs. “So you’ve been experiencing some abdominal and back pain?” She questions, and you nod again, feeling a little useless. “Can you describe it to me?” She asks, and you swallow thickly. “I…it’s like a dull ache in my back, near the base of my spine but a bit to the right. Then it’s quite sharp in my…abdomen. It doesn’t happen often, but I thought I should mention it…”
“I don’t think you should be experiencing any pain at all,” Madja replies. “And may I ask when you’re next due for your cycle?” You look away briefly before again meeting her gaze—nothing to be embarrassed about, she’d assured. “In about three months,” you answer quietly.
Madja nods in approval, and you begin to relax back into the pillows. “And have you noticed any bleeding at all?” She asks gently, and you freeze in the bed.
“No,” you answer hurriedly, without thinking, “no. Not from— No.”
“Alright,” she smiles calmingly, “anywhere else? You have some scabs on your hands, isn’t that right?” Your throat rolls but you nod, releasing your tight grip on your nightgown, bringing yourself to raise them from beneath the duvet so she can examine them. “And these bumps,” she inquires, “can you tell me how long those have been there for?” You blink, trying to remember—they’ve been there for months it feels like, but it can’t have been that long, can it? How long has it been since you first told Azriel?
“I think…” you hesitate, unsure of yourself, “maybe a month? Two? They don’t hurt, but they do sometimes…bleed.”
“Okay, would you mind if I had a look at them?” She requests, and you silently offer her your hands for her to take. That tingling warmth feathers beneath your skin, as if the flesh has fallen asleep, and you watch curiously as she probes along your knuckles, examining your palms, grazing your wrists. “And may I look at the area you experienced the pain in?” She asks, and you stiffen but nod. It’ll be the same thing as last time, you hope, and that wasn’t too bad since she had managed to work through the fabric of your night gown. The duvet is rolled back and you sit straighter in the cushions so she’ll have better access.
“Can you point out where exactly you were feeling the pain?” She requests, and you gesture to a horizontal strip of skin below your middle. “It was the sharpest here,” you answer, “but I sometimes get a small ache further to the left or right.” Madja doesn’t reply, her expression showing concentration as she moves her hands across your stomach, gently pushing at the parts you’d mentioned as that warmth settles pleasantly into you. You can’t help as your attention drifts to your own hands, how flaky and lumpy they are in comparison to her tender set. It’s so dry, small scabs where blood had leaked from…you wish at least the bleeding didn’t happen. So many pairs of gloves you have to wash repeatedly to make sure there aren’t any stains.
It’s become such a normal part of your life it had slipped your mind that pain shouldn’t be a normal part of it, nor the bleeding.
The bleeding…
A cold feeling washes over you, like you’ve had ice tipped down your spine as you remember the scare you’d experienced in the Autumn Court.
If Madja notices how you’ve frozen, she doesn’t mention it, but a slow feeling of slippery dread unspools in your stomach as you recall the blood you’d noticed when visiting the washroom one morning. You’d thought it was your cycle—the slight pains had added up and the night sweats had made sense—but then nothing had happened and you’d forgotten about that blood.
Nausea churns in your stomach, a district feeling over lightheadedness overcoming you and you force the calm breaths into your lungs…deep, and steady. You choke on saliva and your palm flies over your mouth as you twist your head to the side, coughing.
Madja glances up at you, brows slightly pulled together from concentration. “Have some water—are you remembering to keep yourself hydrated throughout the day?” She asks, handing you the glass that rests by your bedside table. “For the most part,” you answer after taking a few sips. Madja pauses briefly, a look of consideration passing behind her eyes before speaking, “would you mind if I checked your lungs? It’s likely nothing, but might as well be sure since I’m here, don’t you agree?”
You blink at her, looking slightly perplexed but you suppose there’s no harm in it, so you nod your confirmation, handing her back the glass before settling into the cushion. That familiar warmth tingles in your skin as she tentatively lays her fingers just below your collar bones before pressing down a little firmer and making her way from one side to the other. Her features remain set in an expression of concentration and she returns to the tops of your sternum before going a little lower. You tense, but understand she’s performing a medical examination.
“Can you sit upright a little more? I’d like to search a little lower, just by your ribs,” she adds, seeing your startled expression. You nod, understanding, sitting more upright independent of the cushions. “Now if you can raise your arm?” She requests gently and again you follow, raising your left arm so she has access to the side of your ribs. The tingling sensation returns and you think you can feel as it searches through your body, though it doesn’t feel invasive like you had expected.
Madja’s fingers pause, before she’s pressing noticeably firmer and you have to steady yourself so she does upset your balance. The sensation becomes more acute, able to feel as the tingling feeling concentrates near the middle left of your lower ribcage. When she retracts her hands she looks a little confused.
“Is everything okay?” You ask nervously, uneasy by her expression.
“There’s what feels like a small lump connected to the tissue of your left lung,” Madja explains calmly, and you nod your head. “If you’ll let me, I’d like to try and purge it. I haven’t seen it in any other patients, and there’s no reason for it to be there—it isn’t a natural part of your body. Would that be okay?”
You nod your head—if she’s found something wrong with you, that sounds promising…? And if she thinks she can…purge it, that seems even better.
“Alright, if you lean back into the bed to keep your upper body relaxed that would be perfect,” she guides and you settle down. “Okay, I’m going to apply my magic to the growth. You might feel a sudden heat or a ticklish sensation but if you can avoid coughing that would be helpful,” she explains, and tension rises in your chest as she again puts her hands against the side of your ribcage.
Sure enough, a sharp heat fills a spot on your lung, and you press your lips together to prevent from coughing or inhaling suddenly despite the abrupt tickle that’s manifested in your throat, an intense itchiness in your lungs…an itchiness growing in the tips of your fingers…growing hotter…and hotter…beginning to burn, and…
Madja pulls away, a gentle smile on her face, “all done. You did well not to start coughing in the middle there, it helped make the process much easier for me.”
“So, it’s gone?” You ask perplexedly, hand gingerly rising to press into your ribs, testing as you inhale. Sure enough, the tickling feeling has gone, and so has the tightness in your throat, suddenly feeling much clearer. Like when you’d had a cold as a human, feeling the distinct relief once you were able to breathe freely again, having to become reliant on inhaling via your mouth rather than nose. One never appreciates how seamlessly their body works until it’s compromised.
Madja smiles, “it’s gone.”
A hesitant smile makes its way across your mouth, peering down to where you hand is settled.
Maybe it isn’t as bad as you’d been telling yourself.
————
Golden eyes gleam from within the home, the scent of rosemary so familiar emotion swells in your chest.
“Hey, Bas.”
He pauses briefly, and you hesitate, waiting to see what he’ll do. Then he’s shifting in the doorway, opening it wider cautiously as he take you in, taking up most of the entryway. “You’re back…” he greets, but the note of caution in his voice has you hesitating again. But you push a small smile to your mouth, remembering yourself. “I’m back,” you agree, nodding your head slightly, “how… How have you been? Everything okay?”
Bas is silent, simply watching you with an indistinguishable look and you resist the urge to move beneath his attention, instead waiting it out, wondering what he’s thinking.
“Where were you?” He asks, catching you a little off-guard with the question. You hadn’t really considered he might question where you went. “I was… I visited another Court. Temporarily. Just to see more of the world, I guess…” You peer up at him—he isn’t moving from the doorway, remaining blocking it instead of inviting you in like you’d anticipated. Things feel strange, to how you remember them. “Is everything…okay?” You hedge.
“Is everything okay?” He repeats softly, as if to himself. His golden eyes regain awareness, pupils tightening as they look at you. “Why don’t you tell me?”
It’s enough to have you faltering, temporary confidence stumbling as you peer up at him questioningly. “I…what do you mean?” You ask, unsure what he’s asking after.
“I mean, why did you disappear like that, huh? You just— went. Without telling me where, without telling anyone where, apparently. Do you know how dangerous Prythian can be? Especially for someone like you, and you just decided to leave? What were you thinking?” Bas asks, his patience steadily slipping as he speaks, thoughts pouring from his lips. “Someone like me?” You repeat faintly, pinning him with a look, “what’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re smart. Not strong,” he answers succinctly, but bluntly, “you should know what sort of creatures are out there.”
“That didn’t seem to bother you the night I left,” you counter, a note of disbelief in your voice.
“Because you’re smart,” he repeats as if it’s obvious. “You’re smart, so I assumed you’d make a smart choice. Not just go out into Prythian on a whim. You don’t even know how to fight. Do you understand what could have happened to you?”
“Bas, I’m fine,” you reassure, trying to understand his temper is coming from a place of concern. “I…I went to meet someone. I didn’t just go out into the wilderness, you don’t need to worry,” you explain, knowing it’s best to keep the details vague.
“You know your family came to visit, right?” He asks, again catching you off guard as you stare at him. “No,” you answer, quietly, “I didn’t. Who—… What happened…?” Bas shifts in the doorway, settling to lean against the threshold of the entrance, and a small grain of relief passes through you at the distinctly familiar gesture. “Azriel visited first, and I told him he wouldn’t get anything out of me because I had decided to trust that you knew what you were doing. And you know what he told me?” Bas asks harshly, shaking his head and not waiting for reply. “He told me I was interfering with Court affairs, that withholding information might result in the High Lord personally questioning me. And I still didn’t tell him anything.”
“I…I’m sorry, Bas,” you manage, guilt at last beginning to rise in your chest, head lowering slightly. “I’m…thank you. For trusting me.”
“I’m not done,” Bas says quietly, but firmly, causing you to glance up at him questioningly. “He came back, that time with Mor.” There’s no way for you to conceal the pain and conflict that passes through your expression. Even if you could, even if you knew how to hide your emotions like that, you have the distinct impression he knows you well enough he’d be able to see through it, and the thought is surprisingly uncomfortable for you. Knowing someone so well they could see through your lies…that kind of vulnerability…
“She was the one who convinced me to admit I had no idea where you’d gone. She was clearly worried, and I had to look at her and tell her how you hadn’t trusted me enough to say where you’d be going, but that I had decided to trust you enough that I’d been fine not knowing.” His voice has lowered, becoming rougher, and your shoulder slope with shame. “Can you understand that? To realise you’ve been deceived by someone you cared for like that? To admit that to people who had been smart enough to know better?”
“I’m sorry,” you murmur, raising your eyes to meet his, gloved hands wringing together. “I didn’t mean for it to seem like I didn’t trust you. I do.”
“Then where were you?”
You raise your head to look at him, then. Heart sinking because—you can’t tell him. You’re in enough trouble as it is, with Rhys, with Mor, with Azriel. Probably with your sisters too, they just haven’t shown it yet. You can’t cause more problems. More problems for them is more consequences for you, and you have a long list of things to make up for. Dauntingly long. Almost unbearably… “Bas…I…”
“Can’t tell me?” He finishes, his tone telling you it’s exactly what he anticipated.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” you say softly, holding his gaze imploringly. “You know I trust you. That I’ve told you things I could never—… That I could never tell anyone else…”
“Then why can’t you tell me, huh?” He asks, a touch more gentle, sounding as helpless as you feel.
“Just…I need you to…”
“Trust you?” He scoffs, shoulders jerking in an unnaturally sharp movement.
“You’d made it sound like they didn’t care about you,” he says quietly, and you look at him wearily. “I thought you were on your own, you know.” Like me, is what he leaves out, but you can hear it clear enough. “I have my ma, and you have your sister, but beyond that I thought you had no one but me.” And I had no one but you—again, you can hear those words he’s not saying. “That we were going to be there for each other because we understood what it was like. But they care for you.” A strange sense of shame settles heavily on your shoulders, and your head lowers, but you don’t look away.
“It was obvious,” he murmurs, his brows curving almost imperceptibly, a kernel of pain passing behind sharp golden eyes. He sighs, shaking his head, pushing up from the doorframe and you watch silently as he begins to draw the conversation to a close. “I won’t begrudge you of that. I’m glad you have people. Family. But I…” You lied.
“I don’t—” You say abruptly, rushing into speech, hurting without thought, just needing to explain yourself, even if it opens up something you aren’t ready for. “They don’t,” you breathe. “I—… It might look like they do, you might know they do. Maybe they really, actually do.” You stare up at him, feeling that emptiness lethargically blink itself awake, mouth yawning open in preparation to begin swallowing you down again. Pulling you into that inescapable state of overwhelming darkness. “But I can’t believe it,” you whisper, feeling as your eyes fill with wetness, and something hot spills down your cheek, another following when you blink to clear it away. “I can’t…” you breathe, trailing off. “It doesn’t matter what happens, Bas. I just—…I can’t believe it.”
“And I should believe you?” He asks quietly.
You stare at him helplessly. There’s nothing else you can say. You’ve tried to convince him, you’ve been as honest as you can physically tolerate, and it…it just isn’t enough. You aren’t enough.
Your heart doesn’t plummet like you’ve learned to anticipate. Instead a vague feeling of disappointment calmly soothes your skin, glum pessimism setting in as the high emotions fade into watery greys. Desaturated, and bearable.
“I don’t know what else to say,” you tell him quietly.
“Just tell me the truth,” Bas asks, golden eyes showing his hurt. Another case of betrayal you’ve brought upon yourself.
Would it be unfair to ask his forgiveness?
“I’m sorry,” you give as your answer. There’s nothing else you can say.
Bas’ eyes dull slightly, and you understand how you’ve let him down.
His jaw works, looking away briefly before returning his attention to you. “I’ll see you later.”
————
The wind breezes through you as you walk along the cobbles, the sun long since dipped down beneath the horizon, leaving a chill in the air that manages to sink through the silky orange material of your scarf.
You can’t bring yourself to try and tackle the emotional conflict with Bas yet. You’re drained, and tired from the past months—maybe longer—and you don’t want to put yourself through more self-inflicted sadness. If you really need to release some bottled up emotion, you know you’ll have no choice in escaping it. If you have the option to keep yourself from hurt, you’ll take it. At least for the moment.
Bas had said he’d see you later—you have to trust him. As a friend, as someone who’s been there for you, and you for him—you have to believe you’ll be able to fix this. There’s good in the world, Feyre had told you, you just have to trust that you’ll find it. Even if it’s seemingly alluded you until now, in the moments you’ve needed it most.
A silhouette seems familiar in your peripherals, a distinctly fae sense recognising the shape, or…something, of the figure, and you glance over.
Cassian raises his hand in greeting, his expression clear and untroubled as he walks over to where you’ve paused, wings kept neatly tucked at his back to keep them from bumping into things. “You know, I’ve been told you’re supposed to be staying in bed,” he greets in his deep voice, tone similar to one someone would use when catching another doing something they aren’t supposed to, but considering joining in anyway. It’s very him, in a way.
“I…” you begin, about to mention Bas, but then decide otherwise. “I’m feeling okay today. I thought a walk might be nice. Fresh air’s supposed to be good for you, right?” You ask lightly, volume low. Cassian’s quiet for a beat, unnervingly sharp hazel eyes weighing into you calmly. Then he sighs, shrugging his shoulders a little before shifting on his feet, making to turn around, to lead you somewhere. “I suppose I can’t fault you for keeping things to yourself.”
You watch as he turns, obviously expecting you to go with him, but the moment caught you off guard. “…keeping things to myself…?” You hedge, managing to get your feet moving to walk a little behind him, not particularly wanting to go with him but knowing it would be unreasonable to turn away. Especially after all the trouble you’ve caused—like having such poor control of your—
You halt abruptly, staring up to the cliff-face that contains the House of Wind. Sure enough, even from so far below, you can spot the large break in the rock-face, able to pick out what had been your bedroom, and the sides of the rooms either side of it. You feel as the blood drains from your face, shock icing your body as you’re unable to look away—you caused that. “Something wrong?” Cassian asks, calling back to you a few steps away.
Words have left you, unable to figure out what to say, mind struggling to wrap around all of it. Another thing to make up for, and that one’s pretty big, too…your shoulders slope as you stare at the hole blown out of the rock. The damage you’ve probably caused the interior too… How much will it take to repair that? Isn’t the building itself old? Even to fae standards?
How can you ever make up for something like that?
Cassian walks back over to you when you don’t reply, pausing at your side, hands on his hips as he follows the direction of your gaze. “Pretty impressive,” he says conversationally, “you’ve got a way to go before you can manage an entire building, though.” Then he pats you lightly on the shoulder, wing curving round your body to get your legs moving as you’re pulled away, view with the House broken.
“I—…” you choke out, “did…did I do that?” You manage hoarsely, looking up at him as your feet start moving one in front of the other, subconsciously wary of bumping into his wing. “Sure did. Blew right through that noise cancelling ward Feyre put up,” Cassian answers, keeping his attention ahead as he leads you through the city streets, people automatically making way for the familiar face. “I told her she’d been slacking off in practising her magic,” he murmurs under his breath, but you aren’t paying much attention, too overwhelmed with debt to really engage.
“I’m sorry,” you breathe, feet hesitating as they move over the cobbles before stopping firmly, shoulders bunched as you glance up at him. “I’m so— I didn’t mean to make such a mess— I just— I just didn’t— I didn’t know what to do. And I thought he was going to—”
“It’s okay,” Cassian says firmly, standing in front of you so there are less places to look away to. “It’s Rhys’ anyway. You don’t need to apologise to me.”
“But…it was given to you,” you hedge, staring up at him—and if it’s still Rhys’, that’s so much worse. So, so much damage.
“Would you feel better if someone was angry with you?” He asks seriously after a moment of pause. You freeze, startled by the question. “…what?”
“Would it make it easier?” He repeats, watching you solemnly, “if we acted how you’re waiting for us to?”
You stare at him, struggling to pull together a reply, startled from the strange clarity of his questions. Seconds pass and all you can do is look at him, too afraid to answer—not of him, but…something.
Cassian breaks the connection, glancing away, half turning his body to face the direction you’d been walking. “Maybe that question was too much,” he says, almost to himself. He sighs, eyes closing briefly, before he’s glancing at you, wing opening as if to guide you along again. “Come on,” he says, voice having lost that solemnity, back to the familiar timbre, “we’ll be late.”
“Late?” You manage as you somehow get your body to fall into step beside him. “What…where are we going?”
He looks at you strangely, as if the answer’s obvious. “Dinner, of course,” he replies, returning his attention to the streets ahead, sure enough taking the path that will lead directly back to the River House. “They’ll start without us if we aren’t there on time.”
“Dinner?” You ask, feeling lightheaded. Too many new components being dropped on you for you to entirely keep yourself together. You swallow thickly, fumbling for excuses because you can’t do a dinner as you are—not after yesterday. “I’m not feeling too great, actually,” you say hoarsely, “besides, if I eat this late I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it…” you trail off, realising he probably doesn’t want to hear about you throwing up meals every now and again.
“Madja’s told us you need to keep your strength up,” Cassian replies, and you’re unsure if he’s intentionally chosen a counter-argument you’d have trouble escaping or whether it was inadvertent. “Eat what you can—it’s important during recovery, even if it might feel insignificant, or pointless.” You glance at him again, that strange feeling creeping into your chest at his wording—is it some kind of intuition that’s leading him to say these things?
“…Will everyone be there?” You ask quietly, trying to calm yourself as the River House comes into view, not far away now. “Az will probably want to eat in his room,” Cassian answers neutrally after a temporary pause, “but everyone else will. You’ll be sitting besides Elain.” There was no reason to add that on.
You can’t manage it, but you can’t figure a way to escape. There’s no out you can find—saying you aren’t hungry, or you’re tired won’t get you out of it, he’s already said to just eat what you can meaning you have to have at least a bite or two. But the idea of sitting with all of them, when everything is still so unclear…You can’t.
The River House looms before you, and you can swear you feel a cold sweat appear on your back, hands turning unnaturally clammy, so accustomed to the skin being dry and flaky that to feel the dampness on your palms has slippery discomfort roiling in your stomach.
Cassian walks up the steps, hand settling on the door, and you watch in motion slower than usual as he begins to turn the handle.
A slight breeze blows, pulling strands of your hair forward, as if trying to push you into the House, and Cassian pauses, door opened only a few inches. Beats pass, but you keep utterly still, both wanting the moment to end but also desiring nothing more than to run from the oncoming meal.
Strangely observant hazel eyes flick over a broad shoulder, meeting your own set and you tense, hairs rising at the nape of your neck, getting that same feeling you’d had when speaking with Rhys, that he can somehow see through you too clearly, like you’re too easy to read. Fearing what he’ll be able to find before you’ve had the chance to discover it. Watching you fumble in the dark for something that was so easy to locate. Struggling with a problem embarrassingly simple to decipher.
“You don’t need to be scared,” he says, holding your gaze. Are you really that easy to see through? But then he continues, and the surrounding world warps a little.
“You have a right to be at that table as much as any of us,” he says, those keen hazel eyes remaining steady. “Keep that in mind, when you go in.”
Then the door’s opening wider, and the smell of a hot meal wafts out into the night. You trail behind him, latch clicking at your back, following as he makes his way to the dining room. He had believed the words he’d told you, that you were deserving of a seat at their table. You can’t really bring yourself to believe it, but his sincerity has shaken your ground a little.
His expression shifts when he rounds a corner, brows rising as his lips part in a broad smile, voices rising in greeting and you can see why Feyre treasures his company. He’s surprisingly gentle, oddly perceptive.
They probably all already knew that, though. It’s your fault for casting roles on them before really even getting to know them, assigning characters after only a handful of proper conversations. If only you’d made the effort to step out of your own little circle, maybe the circumference wouldn’t be as strangling as it’s become.
If you’d stepped out sooner, could you have been first choice?
But, glancing again at Cassian, his profile captured in a look between irritation and affection, turning the corner into the dining room and seeing the scrunch of Feyre’s brow as she replies to whatever he’d said…no. It wouldn’t have mattered.
But it’s not the end of the world that you weren’t made that way.
————
It’s good to see her smiling again, he thinks.
With the past months having been so draining, the symptoms of her restlessness only exacerbated in the last few days given the turmoil they’ve all been thrown into, it’s good to see the light in her eyes gleaming again. More than just good, but there isn’t quite a word right enough to express the soul-deep relief he feels at seeing her smile. A strange conviction that everything will be okay now that she’s on the way better.
Her ears twitch once before she’s shooting him a half-glare, having felt his gaze roaming over her. “Family dinner, Rhys,” she snaps under her breath, but he can see the heat in her eyes, the silent agreement that’s exchanged in the brief moments their gaze locks, and Rhys’ mouth curves suggestively, his brows rising in feigned ignorance. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he murmurs, looking down at his mate with an intensity he knows she adores. And yet she lightly smacks his thigh anyway.
“I’m serious,” Feyre warns, that heat dissipating as Cassian picks a seat at the table, dragging the feet across the floorboards with a grating noise that’s thankfully drowned out by chatter while a smaller figure quietly follows after him, taking one of the two remaining open seats. Unlike Cassian, she lifts her chosen seat from the floor, trying to keep as silent as possible and blend into the background as she sits beside Elain. “Don’t scare her off,” Feyre murmurs under her breath. Rhys hums compliantly, eyes twinkling as he spends a few extra moments looking at his mate. Moments he thinks he might at long last be beginning to lean into.
“Where’s Mor?” Cassian interrupts, and Rhys reluctantly shifts his attention to his brother, who has taken the seat opposite Feyre. He sometimes wonders if Cassian choses moves like this intentionally, whether they’re conscious decisions or whether these actions result from a wish to have his family united. Cassian isn’t like himself or Az, wasn’t taught to conceal his emotions as they were—well, in his own case it was taught. For Az it was a matter of survival.
“Taking supper up to Az,” Nesta’s voice cuts through the previously enjoyable atmosphere, the noise similar to recognising the hiss of steel being drawn within a temple. A few centuries ago, his ears might have twitched at the distinctly unpleasant intrusion, but Cassian’s eyes have already left his own to seek out the icy silver of his mate’s, softened at their edges.
“More than just supper,” Amren comments, one space over to Rhys’ right, sat at a corner seat. “She took an entire bottle of wine with her.” Laughter rises, and Rhys allows his attention to briefly sweep over across the table where the two sisters are involved in conversation, as if there’s no one else to speak with. He supposes one of them might very well believe that, and with a fraction of a thought swiftly removes the precautionary enchantment of the silverware so they won’t vanish if she reaches for them.
At least she’s there, though he’s fairly confident Cassian has something to do with it. Rhys can picture how the light in Feyre’s eyes might flicker learning she had found a way to shut herself away in a house where avoiding others was almost impossible without intent. No amount of luck or coincidence would keep her entirely hidden. Especially over meals.
Violet eyes return to his left, feeling the familiar ease that settles through him at the reminder of Feyre’s presence. A deeply-treasured reprieve from the strain and stress that’s been thriving amongst them as of late.
————
“How was the check-up with Madja, by the way?” Elain asks, using one of the large wooden spoons to shift a few roast potatoes onto her plate.
You nod slightly, lips pressing together in a small smile that you hope is reassuring. “Good, for the most part,” you reply. “I think she still wants to observe what happens for now, but she did…do something, which might have helped?” It reminds you of the lightness in your lungs, the strange openness of your throat and you instinctively take in a deeper breath, basking in that odd clearness. Elain hums in question, silently offering you the spoon for potatoes, but you shake your head politely. “I’m not sure…I don’t think dinner is the best place to discuss those check-ups,” you say quietly, a half-smile on your mouth. Elain’s lips curve, eyes gleaming as she nods in agreement, “you’re probably right.” Then she glances across the table before returning her gaze to yours, a new, preempted question already rising to her mouth. “What are you going to eat?”
The smile on your lips becomes strained, gloved hands shifting in your lap as you keep the orange, silk scarf pulled over your arms to conceal the wretched skin. You wish you’d at least had the chance to change before coming here—your mind will mostly be preoccupied with making sure none of them are forced to see the state beneath the silk. “If I’m honest, I’m not really that hungry…” you hedge, but Elain gives you a look that tells you she won’t stand for it. Although it comes from a place of care and love, you can’t help feeling a little suffocated.
“Just have a couple of bites, okay?” Elain reasons gently, “Madja’s told us it’s good for you to eat, it’ll help you recover.”
“Apparently Madja’s been saying that a lot,” you mutter under your breath.
“Madja’s a highly respected healer,” Amren cuts in from across the table, her eyes sharp as they pierce into you. “If she’s said you should eat, you should eat.”
You aren’t sure if you imagine the way the noise level seems to drop at that, but the familiarly dull pain of humiliation flickers across your chest, ashamed to have sounded so ungrateful. Your head lowers a little, unable to think of a reply as your hands wring together beneath the table, tucked away in your lap.
“Unless you really feel sick,” Elain interjects a little defensively, her hand subconsciously placing itself on your upper arm in what you’re certain she intends to be a comforting gesture—in truth it causes your flesh to ache, but you keep your mouth shut. “I’m sure I can manage a bite or two,” you get out with a small smile and you hate that you know it won’t reach your eyes, so keep your head slightly ducked as you put a few potatoes on your plate. You can come down later, once everyone’s gone to bed if you’re still hungry.
A beat passes, and Elain shifts at your side, a fresh smile on her face, trying to brighten your mood—you dip a little lower at that, that she feels responsible, but if you don’t pull yourself together she’ll keep doing it. “How did you and Cassian bump into one another?” She asks, reaching for something else on the table that you don’t look at. Cassian doesn’t make to answer, so you have to, feeling the distinct weight of the table’s attention. “Just coincidence, I suppose,” you reply, managing a faint smile, keeping your eyes on your plate as you slice one of the roast potatoes in two, steam wafting up from the hot centre.
“Went out for a walk?” Elain asks. There’s an almost unnoticeable tone of relief in the question—you probably wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t as close to her as you are. Is that how easily she can pick out your own thoughts? “Fresh air’s probably good for you, right?” She says smiling, causing your own lips to curve at their edges fondly. “I think so,” you murmur in reply.
“Have you had a chance to read any more books recently? I haven’t seen any in your room…I could get some if you want?” Feyre speaks from across the table, and you bite down on the way you want to shrink into yourself as the conversation is drawn over to you. “I haven’t, and it’s fine, thank you. Have you been painting recently?” You ask, swiftly shutting it down and shifting the conversation back to her, hoping you’ll be left out of it now.
Rhys’s attention flits over her a split second before something passes behind Feyre’s eyes, but she swallows and nods. “There hasn’t been as much time as I’d like, but I’m finding moments,” she answers, but goes no further. You’re glad she’s still getting time to herself in spite of being High Lady and more importantly, a mother. You can’t imagine how difficult it must be if it’s taking up that much of her time…and you probably hadn’t helped…she’s been visiting each day… You should have succeeded.
The passiveness of the thought catches you a little off guard. Since when had thoughts like that become so habitual? So flippant? You spear a piece of potato with your fork, bringing it to your mouth. It was just a fleeting thought, it’s fine. Weird things happen in the mind anyway, as long as you don’t mean it, you’re okay.
“Would you…” Feyre’s asking, “be interested in joining me? We could have an easel set up in your room?”
A part of the potato goes down the wrong way as you hear the question, hand grabbing the napkin as you cover your mouth, coughing. You clear your throat when you’re done, making sure to wipe your lips subtly as you pull the napkin away, sipping on the glass of water to help clear your throat. Once you’ve recovered, you remember her question.
It would be nice. Really nice, actually, but… “it’s fine, please don’t worry. Painting’s your thing, and I think…personal, to you. Besides, I have my books,” you excuse, heart sinking a little, but it’s for the better. She’s already short on time anyway, she needs to keep that for herself, even if you can’t help but want it.
The same look passes behind her eyes, and you now wonder if you can’t figure it out because…because you might no longer know her well enough.
“It’s probably for the better,” Rhys announces, bringing the moment to a swift end, “Feyre’s nude models would probably upset your delicate sensibilities, anyway.”
Your eyes widen and you nearly choke on air as wild, ferocious heat swarms your features, staring ahead, bewildered.
Rhys grins as a fuming Feyre smacks him on the shoulder, indignant rage lighting her eyes. “Lies! All lies,” she snaps, before sparing you a somewhat apologetic glance. “He’s joking, obviously,” she reassures, shooting a glare Rhys’ way at that last part. “His humour’s apparently a few centuries out of date.”
“Speaking of things on the old side,” a golden voice calls from the hallway, parading into the dining room in heels tall and thin enough to potentially run someone through. “Rhys, is there another case of this stuff? Az wants some more.”
The High Lord rolls his eyes, amusement clear, Feyre settling at his side, feigned anger dissipating as if it were never there, her eyes twinkling again.
“We all know you finished off the bottle before you even reached Az’s room,” Amren snipes, thickly-jewelled fingers sparkling as she nurses her own glass, laughter rising from the table.
“Oh, like you’re any better Amren. You could polish off bottles of blood in the time it took me to eat an appetiser,” Mor replies, heels clicking across the floor as she sweeps through the room in a flurry of vibrant red and stunning gold, taking her seat opposite Elain—between Amren and Rhys.
One seat and across from your own position.
The meal fully commencing now all able players are assembled at the table.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
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I read something again that I wish I had not.
Those stupid subreddits and what not. It was not okay in my opinion but the comment was deleted. But it got me thinking and it's been haunting me the whole day.
I will hide this....
TW: attempted “unalving” (it was about Vessel and I will talk about something that I observed on Vessel)
There is not much that gets to me when it comes to Vessel but some things do. And it makes me want to defend him or speak up for him.
The comment questioned kind of everything. His pain, his tears and also the sad things that he writes. "It's all made up...it's all just an act". I get that you can interpret lyrics however you like. It's what I do. But I am convinced that he did experience great emotional pain. And something pushed him over the edge one day. I don't know what lead to this decision. I can barley reconstruct how sh*t went down back then for myself. It was a long time ago and also I don't want to talk about me right now.
The reason why I'm sure that there was at least one attempt is because it left a scar. It's one scar that he has on the inner side of his left wrist. I don't know what that artery is called. Radial artery?! (me typing in the German word and looking for a translation and the first thing they show is a hotline. Yes please, call them if you have to. I did that a few times. It really helped in that moment. I should talk about that someday). Anyway.
I don't even know what else to say. That scar looks like from an attempt. It's just the shape and size.
I was shocked when I saw this in a photo. I totally get the black paint.
Idk...someone not acknowledging his pain almost feels like a kick in the none existing b*lls for me.
Idk if that post is too much?! I'm not totally chocking up on the inside and tearing up.
Fighting my way back and making my life worth living again was a struggle and exhausting but it was worth it. Some days are hard but I know that it does not last forver.
This too shall pass.
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