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sillycathorrors · 4 months

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sometimes i want to write poetry in my native language then i remember i dont know my native language. then i remember my mum knows it. then i consider asking her to teach me. then i remember she refuses to speak it unless its to her father, who still lives there, in her native country. then i wonder why she refuses to connect to her culture and would rather lose a whole language. then i remember her dad abandoned her at a baby hospital when her mum got sick cause he didnt want to take care of them both. then i think about how my mum wants to disconnect from her culture due to family trauma and i want to connect to my culture also due to family trauma. then i try duolingo. its not on duolingo.

#my thoughts #sorrens rambles #duolingo #poetry?#its sorta poetic #poetic #langauge #culture #family trauma #poetry #my poetry

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zvaigzdelasas · 1 year

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Reagan would not have been economically capable of ignoring the PATCO strike if it hadnt been for China's "reform-and-opening-up"*, which means that a reduced US ruling class dependence on cheap chinese (or its equivalent, of which there arent many - if any) labor necessitates that the "lessons learned" by the US labor movement from the 70s to now are only applicable insofar as the US ruling class can find "Another China"

#i think 'opening up' is sorta a reductive framing of gaigekaifang since kaifang also explicitly can mean 'blooming' like a flower does #like technically a flower can be said to be 'opening up' but in terms of poetic equivalence its lacking #开放 sorta more has the implication that it's more of a removal of a barrier than like opening w a crowbar

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sweetronancer · 3 months

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how to never stop being sad is so real (ihadabreakdowninmymomscar)

#its a good song (?) fr #its like poetic yk #sorta personal ig

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pochx · 2 months

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i'm finally getting around to reading house of leaves (not properly capitalized bc lazy). and it's not even because this is a major piece of modern horror lit. but because i'm obssessed with unique frames of storytelling and interesting prose.

like i'm only barely starting it but the formatting is so unconventional when i flip through the pages. and a story that's being told through an academic film analysis? plus all the different layers of plot?

it's so delicious.

#i love being a nerd about books and stories #it's kinda like when i read the handmaids tale just bc i wanted to read atwood's extremely poetical prose #also i feel like this is a book where i'm going to end up rereading it soon after i finish in order to write notes and connect things #directly onto the pages which i don't often do for personal fun (in fact i don't take notes at all)#also....still unemployed....ran out of jobs to apply to atm.....fixed my shit resume (its still bad)#idk what to do about that though.....im out of ideas kinda sorta

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my-chemical-aromance · 1 year

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my heart stops when i hear your name

within these conservative states it’s so common

even just a little off

still my blood runs cold

whenever your home is mentioned

i go numb

i can’t tell a soul

they wouldn’t understand

hell

I don’t understand

why do you haunt me so?

moreover,

why do i let you?

i am panicking

seeing your number light up my phone

i know it’s you right away

I’m with my mom so I don’t answer

I’m thankful for my mom

I don’t think I could take it

If I answered

My heart is in my throat

why can’t you leave me alone?

#angst #tw maybe #just sad #sorta heartbreak?#My hearts not broken but thats what this sounds like #definitely vent #old poem #i have an art account on ig so i’m starting to post poems on here #i used to when i was younger #its nice if a few people hear what i have to say #read the words hidden inside me #or whatever #poems #sad poem #my poem #poetry #poetic #writing #writer

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149panda149 · 6 months

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TGCF: My theory on the inspiration behind the 4 calamities

In some of the oldest Chinese myths and legends, there are 4 guardian gods of the four cardinal directions - the green dragon, white tiger, crimson bird, and black tortoise, and each have a colour, season and element associated with them. I'm not sure if anyone has made this connection before, but I'm writing it down if anyone is interested. There are spoilers about the calamities' identity.

First, the 青龙（qing long, green dragon) --> Qi Rong, Night-touring Green lantern.

The qinglong's territory is the East, and its colour is qing, which means green, or turqoise. Its element is wood, and its season is spring. Closely associated with royalty and the imperial family.

Now, for the similarities with our favourite green goblin. "qing" is literally the colour in Qi Rong's title, and his colour scheme. Qi Rong has a habit of hanging corpses from trees, which may be his relation to the element "wood". He does not have any obvious coleration with the season "spring"- perhaps he was born in spring. He is royalty, part of the imperial family as cousin to the crown prince.

Second, the 白虎（bai hu, white tiger)--> Bai Wuxiang, White Clothed Disaster upon the Earth.

The baihu's territory is the West, its colour is white, element is gold/metal, and its season is summer. It is the king of all beasts, associated with disease and war, often used as a guardian symbol by soldiers.

On the other hand, Jun Wu's title, alias and colour scheme are all white, and has plenty of weapons that may be his link to the element of "gold/metal". I don't think he has anything to do with summer, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. He is king of the gods, a god of war, and the one to spread the human face disease.

As east and west are considered a pair, the guardian spirits are meant to reflect each other. In Chinese poems and such, symmetry is important, and both Qi Rong and Jun Wu were princes, one becoming revered by the highest of gods, covered with masks and false identities, one becoming the object of disgust by the lowest of ghosts, using his real name and face. There is a certain poetic symmetry to it, don't you think?

To the second pair. The 朱雀 (zhu que, crimson bird)----> Hua Cheng, Crimson Rain Sought Flower

The zhuque rules over the south, its colour is red, element is fire, and its season is summer. It is the king of all birds, more powerful than even the phoenix, immortal and undying. As such, in many places it is also considered a symbol of life.

Now, to the most popular ghost king: Hua Cheng. The english translation of his title is "crimson", and his colour scheme is indubitably red and autumn-y shades. He also re-re-met Xie Lian in autumn ( I think - I mean, the leaves were all red in the donghua??), and has died again and again to return like the zhuque. He is the king of all ghosts, with a great determination to live(sorta? are ghosts alive??) for his love.

Lastly, my personal favourite, the 玄武 (xuan wu, black tortoise)---->He Xuan, Black Water Sinking Ships

The xuanwu, also called a tortoise, is actually the only spirit to be a combination of 2 animals, a snake and a tortoise. It rules over the north. Its colour is black( sometimes depicted as dark blue), element is water, and its season is winter. In earlier legends, he is considered a guide and guardian to the netherworld, of death and of long life.

Thus, to our poor indebted water ghost. He Xuan's name is "xuan", the same! goddamn! character! as the spirit! His title and colour scheme are all to do with the colour black, and he is a water ghost because he died because of the Water Master. He has been marked by death, yet survived and vowed revenge. This, and the fact that his house is called the Nether Water Manor, is probably his relation to the netherworld of the xuanwu.

To the pair of south and north. Both Hua Cheng and He Xuan have suffered and suffered again, yet Hua Cheng chooses to linger on due to hope and love, and He Xuan due to revenge and hatred. But hatred and love are two sides of the same coin. If Hua Cheng hadn't experienced the hatred from his childhood, he wouldn't have thrown himself from the city wall and met Xie Lian. If He Xuan hadn't loved his family, so much, he wouldn't have broken that hard after their deaths to lose himself to hatred and empty vengence.

Aaaaaand that concludes this essay. Keep in mind that this is a theory, and probably even isn't true, but if anybody wants a more detailed description of the guardian spirits, or to know more about the similarities between the mythical creatures of ancient china and tgcf, I will be more than happy to make a part 2.

Thanks for reading!!

#he xuan #tgcf #bai wuxiang #hua cheng #qi rong #four great calamities #heaven official's blessing #tian guan ci fu #black water submerging boats #black water sinking ships #night-touring green lantern #crimson rain sought flower #white-clothed calamity #shan hai jing #meta #tgcf meta

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sillycathorrors · 5 months

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there is something so incredibly wrong with me i have no idea what it is though. i am feeling very non human today. maybe im dissociating im unsure. maybe its just the fact its past 11 and you cant trust your own thoughts after 11 pm. maybe its the chronic pain and the headaches. maybe its the bright light from my phone mixed with the surrounding darkness of everything else. maybe its the not people in my phone blissfully living their animal lives. why cant i do that too. why am i this thing i call a body. why am i tired about nothing for no reason at all. why cant i keep being this person.

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storiesoflilies · 2 months

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of angels and curses

warnings - descriptions of a nasty fight. a poetic near death experience. also yes, sukuna is sorta here.

a/n - SURPRISE! more feels and things. is any of this real, or not? if anybody can guess what these interludes really are, i’ll be extremely impressed. comment, or send me a chat, and tell me your opinions. who knows, maybe one of you guys gets a prize for guessing right! ;) ko-fi.

next part - chapter 7

interlude (ii)

the earth was crumbing beneath her and the clouds of heaven were rolling away from her in swirls of white.

no, nothing was crumbling; it was snowing. she’d never felt the tiny wet droplets on her skin before or felt her feet sink beneath its soft powder. it felt like the sky was crying for her, and she wanted to cry along with it. dark grey clouds were coming in from the west, curdling around the setting sun like spoiled milk.

she knew this place. it was where he had first laid eyes on her.

that was when he decided to appear beside her, silver hair as dull as the clouds.

“this is the last time you’ll feel blue,” he said, but it was pained, his stitches writhed like snakes on his face.

she already knew that; she never should have left the glow of the city.

“if it wasn’t for you i’d still be free,” she snarled, and her heart flowed with his venom and her fear.

a fat tear rolled down his cheek, and his voice cracked as he replied, “but we could still have something wonderful, you know?”

what could possibly be wonderful about any of this? she couldn’t escape from this – from him. perhaps this was what her golden guardian had seen before he passed; an illusion of peace and beauty, only for his warmth to be snuffed out like a candle in the wind.

“let’s see how deep we can go then,” she said, daring him to bite.

he shook his head. “but i’ll take you too far. i’ll lose control.”

she didn’t care anymore. he had dropped and left her like she was already nothing. but she couldn’t think about him anymore. no, it was just her and her death now.

“you said it yourself, these are my last blues, and i want you to break it from me.”

he sighed like the final breath of winter, as snow clung to his lashes, and nodded. “you know i can’t say no to you.”

his hand flew to touch her cheek, and her eyes widened as she stared into the deep darkness of space. none of it made sense, but this was where he wanted to take them; the long way around it. but here they were, together as one in a world of his own making. he knew everything there was to know about her.

“there’s something inside you that you can’t control,” he hissed, as if realizing who she really was for the first time.

“i was never meant to live in a cage,” she spat, and her nails flew at his face, leaving long red gashes on his skin.

and they tumbled and stumbled in a universe of limbs, hands, and mouths. it was messy, full of spit and fire. but it was always meant to be this way because they were the last pieces of broken glass left in the pile.

“i swear, this will be the last time,” he swore, his thumbs pressed into the corners of her eyes like he wanted to squeeze her and make her head pop!

she laughed like a maniac. “no, it won’t. you have a filthy bad habit.”

she lunged at his stitches, pulling and tearing at them like string. he howled and pressed harder, causing her skin to erupt into ridges and valleys of peeling red. and yet, all she could do was cackle.

“you’ll keep on doing this, and you will burn whenever you’ve had your fun,” she vowed.

“what a time this is,” he said amidst their dance of raking and lashing. “i’ll think of this night often.”

her strength was fading. whatever resolve was crumbling into dust; he had at least kept his promise – she was no longer blue. instead, she was her very own pity party that she should walk away from.

no matter, his fingers were inside her throat and it was all over now.

“oh. oh, my. oh,” he chanted, but he wasn’t looking at her anymore.

she could see through his eyes, and he was watching the sea of limbs turn into an ocean of bones and teeth and blood. the smell of it was acrid, like sulphur and rot mixed, and it should have been vulgar.

but it wasn’t.

it was so fucking beautiful.

what a splendid place to die.

he looked up to see the king sitting atop a stairway of skeletons with his four arms spread like a spider. she looked up with her own fading eyes and only just noticed the sky was a never-ending twisting ribcage.

“i’ll allow you to touch my soul, just this once,” the king’s voice echoed like a supersonic wave.

“your soul?” he gaped, as if his whole world was unraveling around him.

the king ignored him, red eyes glowing as he threatened, “there won’t be a second time.”

he was absolutely crestfallen and went limp, slouching atop her. she shivered as the bones beneath them cracked sickeningly, and would have smirked as she felt not just her own fear within her now.

“know your place, fool,” the king all but growled.

and then, a blazing fire of red eyes and madness engulfed them. it was all she could see for a time, and time was never-ending.

“don’t make me wait forever,” she whispered to nobody, because she was now broken and ready to be swept away.

the flames ceased, and he wasn’t there anymore. it was just her and her king now, who was on top of her, caging her in all his arms like the ribs that stood above them. all of his eyes were drinking her in like wine, and she wanted him to devour her messily.

“oh, sweet darling. i was doing just fine without you,” the king sneered, snapping his teeth at her.

and she was suddenly afraid of her king’s wrath, as he gripped her chin and his tongue and teeth scraped against the dips and nooks of her broken face.

“you were supposed to exist without me,” the king snarled. “that’s why i cut you in the first place.”

“i’m sorry,” she sobbed, but for what exactly, she didn’t know.

his face fell into the crook of her neck and he inhaled deeply, grumbling, “shut up.”

she whimpered as the darkness was fading away, replaced by that red hue that was undeniably her king’s color. red was one side of his face, just like hers. but her king was cleansing her of the worms’ filth; even now, she could feel it dripping from her skin like black ink. she didn’t know how to thank her king – no gift would ever come close to what she was being given.

“forget this,” her king muttered, one of his hands gently running over the smoothed-out skin of her face.

and forget she did.

-•-

taglist: @kkhaosxx @better-imagination-9 @gabrielle2013 @angelheavensblog @cyberang3lic @justmarlen3 @pinknipszz @moonwingeys @luzzbuzz @hornabbyyy @mitsuyasblackwifey @chosolover736 @spookyjyestha @elisqq @sillyrings978 @littlekittensoftpaws93 @starryluv4 @99k4manii @maid4nanno @chososrealwife @iloveitwhentheyrunnn @kamoslut @rubyrose2014 @hannah5max @transparent-nature

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blueparadis · 1 year

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❝ LOVE ME WRONG ❞ + HIROMI HIGURUMA !

[ content & themes ] :: submission of my entry for what’s done in the dark by @semisgroupie + ultraviolence collab under ❝ brooklyn baby ❞ by @vilsoo; f!reader ( s!her pronouns / third person pov ) , OCs, college & uni au + corruption & crime au { mention of infidelity ( not by Hiromi or the reader, but its there), mention of accidents, hospitals, death, attempted murder }, age-gap, family drama, absent parenting, angst & feels, insecurity, jealousy, unrequited feelings, one-sided pinning, sexual tension, co-dependency, $mut descriptions, poetic usage of italics.

[ synopsis ] :: After the deprivation of her father's shadow, y/n’s world slowly started to fall apart. Higuruma tried to set things right but feelings turned against him, depravity was the reward in this web of emotions. word count — 4.5kish

[ notes ] :: redirect to blog navigation; also available in my ao3. Beta-read by my beloved bae, fae ( @emissaire) , the m.list of love me knot will be released later. this is just a sorta kinda prequel/backstory.

PROLOGUE [ part one ] of ❝LOVE ME KNOT.❞

Four years. Four years of confinement — being deprived of a luxurious lifestyle, healthy foods, wife's touch, and daughter’s love. Kento Namami’s body would rot in the dark corner of a lonely cell all these years, teaching him a lesson for his crimes or so the authorities have claimed. Kento Nanami was not the first one and certainly would not be the last one to be arrested and punished for tax evasion. And, no jail is strong enough to hold him, in other words, no human is strong enough to deny the luxury of life. And if that were to be provided more than the necessary amount, then the sky is just the starting point, not a limit anymore.

“Still no luck?” Nanami speaks in a low tone. It almost sounds like a low growl of a wounded creature, a wounded creature that is asking to be pitied yet ready to pounce if it were to smell any sort of mercy around itself. Higuruma, one of his dearest friends who had the power to pull strings from behind the curtains and wreak havoc on the front stage, was Kento’s only hope at this point. Although he has retired from his duties, he was not willing to risk his life and the lives attached to him anymore.

“I’m afraid it’s the best I can do. They are not going to decrease the time of imprisonment.” Higuruma spoke with an inert expression on his face standing at an arm’s length from the bars with two cell bodyguards by his side.

“I see.” Nanami murmured so low, so pale that Higuruma had to glance at the bodyguards; they disappeared at his gesture while Nanami’s cheeks stretched wickedly exclaiming, “I knew you wouldn’t come empty-handed, pal.” A scowl seemed to appear when Hiromi looked away from his decaying friend.

“You’re right,” he rolled his tongue inside his mouth, “I came with a surprise.” As soon as his voice vanished, Nanami's face was aghast as Y/N Nanami, his one and only beautiful young daughter, stepped into the light.

“Papa”, she asked with fear choking her throat, and hopelessness in her body, “Are you mad at me?. . ‘cause I came here?”

Nanami was on his knees, fingers still curled around the bars as a support to provide for himself, “No. No. my darling, why would I be? I’m not mad, not at all ” His hands extended in order to run his hands over his daughter's head but recoiled quickly. What was he thinking? He shouldn’t. He mustn’t. He should not cast his shadow on his daughter. There is still hope for her, hope to become not like her father.

“Pa-pah” She started again, “is what they’re saying true?. . .that you stole money from many?”Nanami could see how afraid she was, how her lips were shaking, eyes full of water to their brim. And, even if he told the truth it wouldn’t matter and lies seemed safer than the truth, at least for now.

“Don’t believe them. They’re saying whatever they can to keep me here. . . You don't have to worry about them, baby,” his tone was flat, emotionless. If she were to hear her father properly, from the bottom of her heart, then maybe she could pin only one emotion: rage. And it touched her too as she said, “But papa, Mama said it's true. It's all true,” with a firm tone.

Nanami could see how polished she was overnight. If he was a wounded creature, she was an eagle that is out for its first hunt

“So, it's true then!” Her face contorts. “Okay. I understand. Don’t worry, I'll be fine. I’ll wait till you come back.” Her footsteps were so quick, like the flap of wings of a bird who does not intend to return home, not anymore.

“Unlike mama”, she uttered under her breath as she was escorted by the guards.

“Why the fuck did you bring her here, Hiro?”Nanami snapped. His hands tried to reach out to grab his friend by the collar but it was all in vain.

“Uh-Uh. Careful. You’re already at the other side of these bars. Do you wish to stay longer?” Hiromi was the forgemaster of monsters. Back in his day, he was the best public defense lawyer. Even through the layers of lies, he could pluck out the facts needed to protect the weak, and fight for the wrongly accused. But with power comes sacrifice and with sacrifice comes glory. Though it was a mirage for most people, Higuruma had tasted it easily at the tip of his tongue. His moral compass rarely turned against him, and this is one of those times. Nanami was just a case of ducks and drakes.

His face relaxed, voice softened. “She is your daughter. . .what did you expect? She is more stubborn than you are, Ken. You should know that of all people.”

A strong exhale echoed amongst the dark corridor as he finished, “ I need to sit with the judge. Many got away, you’ll too”, he gives Nanami’s crooked shoulder a squeeze exclaiming with a pinch of hope, carefully tucking in a little bit of empathy to keep the prisoner on track, “just stay away from trouble. I’ll get you out of here soon, pal”

“Is the coffee here not to your liking?” Higuruma asked the young girl who was sitting at the opposite chair of him, as he added three sugar cubes in his coffee. She takes a sip without sparing a glance at the man opposite to her, her mind is busy searching those reveries that she lived, as a child. Her father, her mother ,and her — happy, smiling and so in love. Her eyes ached as she tried to hold back the tears for god knows how many times! How do people fall out of love again?

“You know, even if I meet with the judge. . . there are lesser chances of him getting out. All the evidence just points towards him, even if he hasn't committed what he is getting punished for. His crimes are —” The retired lawyer was silenced by the splash of hot coffee on his exquisite outfit, barely touching the collar cuffs.

“Tsk, I was aiming for the face,” she murmured under her breath, strolling towards the exit.

“Wait…”, Higuruma calls out but it did not surpass the tinkling of the bell, it failed to reach her too. The bodyguard who watched all this mess unfold tried to follow y/n but Hiromi raised one of his hands, the other being preoccupied with cleaning his expensive suit and dress shirt. “Fuck, she's gonna be in real trouble for that attitude.” He cleans a little portion while the bodyguard steps back. “Fuck you, Kento.” His voice fills the corner of the silent atmosphere of this lonely cafeteria before he dashes out of there.

Y/N tried calling her mom but seemed to have no luck. She dialed her chauffeur’s number, but no luck either. It went out of reach. She raked her fingers through her messy, unruly hair and crouched down, taking long deep breaths, trying to force back those tears at the back of her skull. She was aware of why her mother was not able to take her call. “Sure babe. Love you too.” flashes every time whenever she closes her eyes and thinks of her mother, trying to unsee it, erase it, forget it.

"There you are, girl.” Higuruma’s mellowed voice touches her banging silence, light yet enough to make her be up on her feet. He follows her as she crosses the road, compact steps trying to match her reckless ones.

“This really looks embarrassing, you know, suspicious even.” For a moment Y/N stopped and turned around to have a quick scan of him. Careless as ever, she blinked and turned on her heels quickly walking towards the bus stop. Higuruma’s nerve has already started to tick off, still, for the sake of his friend, he tries to humble himself in front of her.

“Huh . . . y/n, if you are going to the bus stop.” both of them halt at once. A soft chuckle escaped his lips, “It's the other way.” She bows her head trying to mentally calculate the roads and well, he is correct but she is not wrong either. Her route is a really long one whereas the other would be quick and short.

“You do realize that you can't go home alone, especially when I specifically accompanied you from your home, right?” It is astonishing how he is not running out of breath, perhaps the morning jogging paid him off well.

With reluctance hanging heavy in her heart, she was now sitting in the passenger seat facing the windows even though there was nothing to watch. Higuruma did not try to stir anything with her, and no more conversations. Part of him feels guilty for being unable to look after her like he is expected to do, part of him wants to hug her and say everything is ‘going to be alright, it's going to be okay’, part of him thinks it is wrong to harbor such thoughts, thoughts that involves taking care of her, doing right by her, providing everything she deserves, everything she desires. . .How do people fall out of love again?

“We're here.” The man remarks, parking near the turn of her house. No, he can not go up to her house. She would not like it, she would hate him for that, for being kind when he has every reason to be angry at her.

“Thank you for the ride, Hiro”, she blurts out of her habit before getting out of the car and shutting the car door cautiously. Higuruma jerks in his seat, letting out a hefty exhaustive huff. “Ah! Geez. . . glad that I don't have kids.”

Hiro. Hiromi. Hiro . . . a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. There is a nice ring to that, isn't it? He has spent half of his life with her; her being the light of his life. Many a time he visited Kento, sometimes for work and sometimes just for the company, y/n would always greet him, and ask about his wife, and children. He would ask how life is treating her. Is the studying going well? In Kento's absence, she would always seek Hiromi— for anything, even to share a smoke and tell him that her life is falling apart and that mama and papa are ignoring her shrill cries for help.

It is a great tragedy to be there for someone at their lowest point of vulnerability and not to fall for them. It is even scary when realization turns up.

His phone lights up, shifting his attention from her fading figure toward the freshly received message. In his life, he has never taken such a rapid U-turn. Well, this is the third time as of now. The first was when he received the news of an accident, his five - year old son. The worst part was that it was a spot death. If it were a result of one of his deviations in his career, he knew exactly where and how to take it out and who to punish but he was not that lucky.

“Fuck, you feel so good Kiyo. . . Oh—oH.”

“Oh yeah ?”

“Um-hm” loud moans echoed throughout the drawing room as y/n reached the top floor of the building. She gulps, unable to, actually trying to disconnect the dots that have led to a deadly dirty secret. The lounge was silent, and the whole apartment was. All the servants were on holiday. She exhaled deeply, knuckles tightening as she tried to take a few steps towards her room but the moans of her mother touched her most delicate parts and mutilated her.

With a huge bang, she opened the door. It was bolted but now the lock was broken. Mrs. Nanami Kento quickly wrapped the bed sheet around her naked sweaty body while the man headed toward the restroom. Y/N fixated her eyes on the floor so as not to get an imprint of such . . . filthy . . . behavior.

The older woman started to speak, “baby, this is not what it looks like . . . ”

“Are you serious right now? Are you even hearing yourself?. . .” A sob left her body, “I —I really wanted to deny this, I really wanted to. . ,

“baby, listen to me. . .” She approached towards her daughter, extending her hand to pat her.

“Stay the fuck away from me.” y/n swerved the touch of the mother for the first time in her life. She exhaled, closing her eyes and composing herself to speak further, “How old do you think I am? I'm not a child anymore. I know what love you too means. . .and I know when people say that . . .” Her voice was barely audible. It was a trail of pained gasps, full of sobs and ragged breathing like a creature begging for death yet declined by it.

“. . .Fuck you. I can't do this anymore.”

—

“y/n. Meet me in the staff room after the class.”, Satoru muttered before leaving. There was a rustle of voices among the students. It had been like that since the beginning of the class. Satoru ignored it blatantly, and since it didn't bother the top students in his class he couldn't care less about it. Y/N was one of the tops in her grade, thanks to her dad for supporting her in every way she asked for.

“How are you?”, Satoru asks, barely sitting on the desk with his long arms clasped together in his chest.

A smile breaks on her face like a plague.

Everyone had a crush on him, but not y/n, and Satoru remained to steer clear of that kind of girls. Why wouldn't he? Suguru had to shift institutes because he was too caught up to be out of the web. It still haunts him.

“Okay. Got it. Bad question,” the professor quipped, pulling the drawer to take the post-graduation brochures of several universities. “I’ll go straight to the point”

“So, many universities approached us like last year and these are the ones we prefer the most. Now, as you know, a few hand-picked students will get a recommendation letter from me. I'd like you to take a look at these. ”

Satoru handed out some brochures. Y/N could not believe what she was hearing. At such a time of emotional turbulence, she has to prepare for higher studies exams — modeling and fashion designing. One thing about Kento was he fought for her daughter against his wife just so she could study what she wanted, what she is good at. How could she let this golden opportunity slip off?

Satoru clicked his tongue. “Hey y/n. You're a good student. Try to stay in line and you'll be able to crack this exam. It'll be good for you, especially since you already are a model for some cosmetic brands, and with your background, it'll be easier.”

With her background? Or her father's or her mother's? Plus, Why should everyone go out of line yet not her?

“Is that clear, y/n?”

“Yes Sir”, she exclaimed with a firm voice while receiving the brochure of the post-graduation programs. “ Thank you,” she said before leaving the staff room.

With her bag in hand, y/n was near the far end of the campus. Generally, she would go straight home but lately, it feels like there is no home. She roamed around the campus and decided to clear her head, and focus on her goals. Too many things happened last night. Her eyes met a pair of almond eyes as she hurried to get a cold drink. There must be some inter-school match, otherwise, students from other colleges were not allowed, especially when they certainly don't have the manners to behave.

As soon as she turned around, she jolted out of shock.

“Can I get your autograph please?,” the blonde’s voice mellowed as he stood shirtless in front of her with lipstick in his hand holding in front of y/n’s face. “I’m a big fan,” he amended.

“Oye. Miya. Quit it,” a boy, probably of his age interjected, while the other twin remained seated with a neutral expression.

Miya? She blinks and the name along with that message flashes in her mind. Kiyoshi Miya: “love you too ” Y/N tried to take the other route but was blocked again by the blonde boy. What bad timing! She was at her limit.

“Hope your mom's bed is still warm now that mine's done by your daddy.” She chimed with the most girlish voice she could ever produce, taunting the manhood of the guy who blocked her path. The flashy grin of the blonde disappeared. The boy with snake eyes immediately tackled his friend out of the way otherwise it would have been another headline of tomorrow’s headline and stories for gossip in high societies.

“You fucking bitch. . .” the other twin uttered advancing towards y/n but was immediately shut down by her retaliation.

“What? Are you a fan too?” She turned around to face him head-on. “Then, you didn't do your homework properly.” She added, locking eyes with the blonde who had no intention to fight. It was going to be revenge, a slow poison. Many times, she was asked for autographs but this one took the prize. Ah! Geez. Perhaps, it was because of a ‘silly bet’. By the time she reached the main exit of the campus, the drink tasted so bad. It was not cold anymore, ecstasy touched her bones. She could see what fate had in its store for her, a life of fame and flimsy love. The most frustrating part was she had no one to blame, not even her mother when Hiromi is having such a devil’s luck bailing her father out. Fuck

For the first time in her life, y/n felt that she did something for herself and not for others. Sure, modeling and fashion was her choice but it was mostly influenced by her mother, her beautiful sexy mother. As a child, she would always try to imitate her, talk like her, walk like her, follow her footsteps, and abide by whatever she asked for. It was a happy time but then one day, Crest-fallen.

Either women can be very jealous creatures or they could not give a single flying fuck about whatever is happening in their surroundings. There is no in-between.

“Are you sick or what? Our girl is growing. You shouldn’t hug her or kiss her like that.”

“Like that? What are you talking about?”

A wicked grin flashed on Mrs. Nanami’s face. She clicked her tongue: once, twice, and thrice. And that was all it took to break the family apart. It was never perfect to be with. It was always picture-perfect. Fights and arguments became frequent while y/n outshined in her career and her mother’s possessiveness for her turned poisonous. Cameras flashing one after another, eyes watering, eyelid jumping, unable to figure out the cause of tears: whether it was her parents or the lights. And in all this mayhem of emotions, Hiromi was the only one who would make a joke about it or laugh it off over a shared cup of coffee or over-the-counter smoke. Who was she running from?

A week. Within a week she has to apply for the student exchange program. Within a week she had lost her father, and her mother and pushed away her only shelter. There was no time to lose. . . to do what? To make things right? Was there ever any to begin with?

“Yep. I’ll take that.” y/n quipped before paying the florist for the bouquet. Mrs. Higuruma likes to decorate her house with flowers. Since her childhood, she has always seen her father, Kento takes a bouquet for her and she would be so bubbly about it. It felt like life smiling back at her whenever she received flowers. And, after the death of their son that is the only time when she smiles, as per Hiro. Hiro . . . her hero.

The wisteria blooms were close to vanishing as if death walked all over this place. As Y/N walked into the huge building of his house, she felt death creeping on her back too. She was greeted by his secretary, the flowers in her hand that were supposed to bring a smile to someone wilted when she heard that Mrs. Higuruma was involved in an accident and was now in a coma.

It was almost midnight when she reached the hospital. The corridors are empty, the receptionist was busy with paperwork. There were people sitting outside the patient ward. Does she really have to do this? As she took the turn her exhaustive pupils spotted him. Hiromi was sitting crossing his legs, elegantly placing his elbow on his thigh having the perfect reading position, but he was not reading. He was staring at a photo.

At every bench, a person or two was sitting, radiating more hopelessness and despondency. Y/N could breathe it in. But Higuruma was cut out from the rest. He is a retired lawyer, he has seen death as much as a doctor, heck he even fueled death and sometimes tricked it. And, now he was trapped. She walked towards him with slow steady steps trying not to make much noise, damn those heels. Hiromi ripped the photo. She was at arm's length as he threw it in the nearby dustbin and before recoiling back to his seat, his eyes landed on her, Y/N.

Hiromi who was about to yell seeing her standing so close to him, instead, he whispered with rage smeared on his face, eyebrows congested and face contorted, “Are you alone, again?” Hiromi held her arms as she almost threw herself to his chest. How can he be so calm about death and destruction? “How many times have I told you not to go anywhere alone? Look what happened to her?” Hiromi was worried, not for his wife but for this girl. She had her whole life ahead while his wife was already decaying. It was another arranged marriage that had not the right stars aligned, as put by him.

She gathered enough courage to ask, “Can I see her?” Hiromi nodded and led the way. Even in all these metro streams of endless suffering, she did not forget to put that flower bouquet in the vase. The only sounds in this awful silence were the tick of the clock, the whizz of breathing, and the click of her heels as she walked out of the ward. She took a look on both sides of the corridor but could not spot Hiro. Ah!she has to drink that bitter coffee again.

The cogs of her fate turned again. The monitor beeped tremendously like a monster cackling maniacally for death. The doctors, nurses, and other staff rushed all at once. While most of the people were rushing towards the room, Y/N was walking away from it. She stopped when she saw Hiromi walking with the crowd, slower than his usual pace with two cups of filtered coffee. Life ran at light speed while two souls were howling in agony. No one could hear them except themselves. It was the longest sleepless night she ever spent.

She reached home by three in the morning. Hiromi asked two of his staff to drop her. He would have volunteered but they both have been misunderstood. The first period was at twelve so that was a relief but there was something else that was weighing her mind, a message, a sign of affection, a cry for help.

[ Hiro-san : “Tomorrow. 10’ o clock. Don’t be late.” ]

The guests dispersed as soon as Mrs. Higuruma was buried. Higuruma went inside the house. It was lonelier than before but less silent than before. He checked his phone to see if there was any message from her. There was none, which means, she is coming. He sat on his couch, spreading his legs and leaning against the headrest. If he reeked of anything, it was neither sadness nor death but repentance. He was after something that did not belong to him, not in this life. But maybe, in another place and time . . . God! He is such a jealous man.

When Y/N checked her watch, it was already one o’clock. The burial ceremony was over. Fuck. Well, after the last meeting, she was reluctant to see him again but she has to go, otherwise who will? Certainly, not her mom. Plus, she specifically scoured her whole wardrobe to find that one black outfit that is her least favorite, actually, her mother’s least favorite. She is definitely going.

It’s silent. It’s quiet. It feels like she is looking into a bottomless well waiting for some sort of miracle. The wind blows are strong, so strong that she could hear the low whistle with it. His hands were inside the pocket, perfect for someone to hook their arms around hers. She is so wide open, and again she is without any guard. . .

Higuruma grabbed her elbow, and as her body turned against his, Hiromi pressed his lips onto hers. Soft, sweet-fruity smelling and there was no resistance in her body. Her hands grabbed onto the collar of his long stygian overcoat tightly, fighting for her life as if she was drowning in the sea grasping onto a twig while the storm rises.

“I regretted not doing this last night,” Higuruma said, holding her in his arms.

She exhaled and looked at him, with embering eyes exclaiming, “Your friend is going to kill you when he is out of jail.” Y/N murmured still relishing the aftertaste of the smokey kiss she shared with Hiromi, still catching up her breath with her face cupped by Hiromi’s warm palms, still trying to process what the fuck actually happened . . .?

“Better him than you”, he added, pressing another kiss at the corner of her lips.

Y/N felt her chest being torn apart, the bones of her rib cage cracking, and yet flowers blooming out of it. To be loved yet be afraid of it, to be born as a bird and then be a wingless bird when asked to fly. . . That’s how she felt when she watched him carefully take her hands in his, tightening his hold, and interlacing his fingers with hers as they walked toward the exit of the graveyard.

She made up her mind. She was going to apply for the post-graduation student exchange program. Either she has to walk away from this or embrace it. There is no in-between.

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1pcii · 4 months

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ok so i cant work on my wip rn because... in bed so im gonna wax poetic about it instead.

ive always been kinda confused with where alabasta is supposed to be set, in a way its kinda like disneys aladdin in that is just sorta mixes togeather a bunch of swana/se cultures/imagery to create a vauge idea of a 'desert country'. but considering Nefertari is an egyptian name (Nefertari Meritmut being the main example, an egyptian queen and first wife of Ramesses). im going to personally go with that idea.

with that out the way the main thing i wanna talk about... mehndi! (or henna). i personally think it would be so much cooler if the 'X' code was done in it. because the whole resolution to it is that while the X may fade, their friendship dosnt. Mehndi is an art that works of this principal, similar to rangoli. bridal henna for example is super intiquite and significant for the bride(/groom if ur progressive like that) on the mehndi celebration and shadi itself, and yet it fades away. But the specialness of the occcasion doesnt.

theres also the fact that it takes wayy longer to fade, so the drawn out process of that would be more impactful. ironicaly enough, for nami/sanji the most as they wash more often (namivivi angsttt). luffy and zoro being last.

because of all this im really obsessed with the idea of mehdi being a namivivi love languge. its such a wonderful artform to share with another person and in a romantic context tthe artistry and body worship aspects you could add are just. soo good.

also they look sick af in it

#i think its cool oda added both mehndi and jagua in this image #since very few ppl even know the latter exists/the differences #psii.txt #anyway heres however many words this is of mme fixating on the smallest detail #i got pics back from the bride i did mehndi for recently and while i havent had the time to do more myself ive been thinking about it alot #esp since my younger sisters are learning now too #1pc #one piece #headcanons #nami #cat burglar nami #nefertari vivi #namivivi #vivinami #also does anyone else have hc's about alabsta? this is just my interpritation but im curious if differing ones exist out there

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presidentofthelipglossclub · 5 months

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being in a small fandom sucks for a lot of reasons (no content) but its also kinda fun. sorta like a small town where everyone knows everyone else and each person tends to be known for specific stuff like in the rescue bots fandom there’s someone who’s super into boulgram and draws them a lot and then there’s that person who’s whole page is like quickshadow and then you have the heatwave stans (proud member) and the guy who writes tons of poetic angst abt him and there are all the people who make those random polls every once in a while and there are the people who mostly just reblog and like content and now and then they’ll make a post and also the furries. i could go on.

anyways i feel like we’re all a community that recognizes each other and thats kinda fun. like even if we dont all follow each other we kinda coexist and recognize each other when we appear in each other’s activity section and its all because of this show we like. thats cute i love you all very much <3

#ask me and i'll tell you what i think of when i see ur acc #tfrb #rescue bots #transformers rescue bots #tf rescue bots #transformers

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ftm-megamind · 1 year

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some general Chad/Ryan headcanons!!

their favorite things abt each other - i think Chad really loves Ryan's smile, like a genuine smile, not a forced one, just an actual happy smile. and Ryan mostly smiles like that because of Chad which makes him even more ecstatic!! and also Ryan's irony and sense of humor in general

as for Ryan, he definitely loves the sorta "hidden" side of Chad (him being really romantic and clingy or sensitive emotionally in general, but also really smart and witty); that usually surfaces when they're alone and they can feel comfortable, and definitely Chad's eyes (they're very expressive i imagine!!)

in class, they probably pass a ton of notes to one another, or when they sit together they just write to each other on a piece of paper and giggle about it (mostly something they find funny - like something in the workbook or something the teacher said) and sometimes they're so hysteric they try so hard not to laugh that they cry

and also when something outrageous or absurd happens they look at each other like at the cameras in the office (if you know what i mean???)

i imagine Ryan is pretty insecure about playing sports because of how he was treated (read: experience with homophobic guys that were so mean that he just gave up whatever sport he was doing, probably baseball) but then when he plays Chad is smitten (lets face it he loves sports and he probably finds the way Ryan pitches or shoots a hoop borderline poetic)

Chad is probably shy to sing but when he does his voice is really beautiful and he puts his heart in it and Ryan is just :heart eyes:

their dream dates - ROLLER SKATING TO DISCO MUSIC 100% AND THEN GETTING MILKSHAKES AFTERWARDS

but also driving somewhere far at night, listening to mixtapes which they made for one another and stopping to look at the stars or maybe dance a little bit under the night sky :)

and also karaoke

Chad had to take a lot of time to come out to the group i think, just because he was a little worried after all

so when they were official and Chad was so happy and excited to announce it, everyone just told them that they been knew, because i mean... what kinda friends hold hands and look at each other with dreamy smiles

also Sharpay's approach to Chad.

at first sharpay was very hostile towards Chad (in a protective way, she just said stuff like "if you break my brother's heart i'll ruin your life") but as time went by and the more Ryan told Sharpay about how wonderful Chad is she warmed up

i think they talk sometimes about the kardashians episodes

and maybe when Sharpay goes shopping she even invites Chad and makes him try on certain clothes, and proceeds to buy them for him, because "if you want to date my brother you have to dress properly"

gabi is defintely a big ally and stands up for Chad and Ryan when needed, and so does Troy, except he just doesn't grasp the concept of being gay, much less HATING someone for being gay. and it took him so long to figure out that there's something going on between Chad and Ryan. Gabriella had to explain to him that Ryan didn't want to steal Troy's best friend all for himself, he just wanted to date him

gabi and ryan are DEFINITELY besties. i mean it was literally shown in hsm2

they frequently hang out and do each others' nails and watch some cheesy romcoms and gush about Chad and Troy

and also they both sit on the girlfriend row and attend all of their boys' practices and gossip so much

as for Chad and Troy... Chad talks about Ryan more than Troy talks abt Gabi (impressive)

they definitely had bro nights since like. forever. but after the lava springs baseball incident Troy noticed that Chad is sometimes distracted by texting Ryan and he would often go on and on about how amazing Ryan is. and troy of course didn't get it and had the "ok but its our sleepover" approach, and he was honestly a bit jealous

Chad had to tell him that "no Troy hes my boyfriend."

so Troy is like OOOOOH and since he's heard so much about Chad's significant other, he asks whether he can tell Chad more about Gabi, and Chad of course says yes and Troy is smiling like a little boy (probably the first time Chad's seen him so head over heels and displaying it fully)

im sure they giggle together a bit too

and they play dumb games like "3 things i like most about them" or something

prom time!!! before everything, Ryan took Chad shopping and bought them both matching suits

and Chad surprised ryan with a corsage the color of Ryan's suit, and when Ryan saw it he probably cried a little bit because he quite literally experienced the teenage dream of going to prom with the love of his life AND getting a corsage

when they got to the party they were both a little nervous at first and had to take a little break, so they went outside and watched the stars together

and they promised each other to be together forever, and they planned their future, like Chad picking a uni that's close to juilliard so they could see each other as often as possible

then after graduating they decided they want a cozy apartment in new york and travel around the world, then of course get married when it would get legalized, adopt a kitty and all of this while still being best friends with Troy, Gabi, Kelsi, Tay and everyone else

and then they probably had some smoochy time but eventually got back inside and danced the night away

bonus: chad being stupid but in a way that he sees Taylor and Kelsi giggling together and acting very obviously gay and he's like "oh i didn't know they were friends!! seems like they're pretty close :))" (clueless)

#hsm #high school musical #chyan #hsm chad #hsm ryan #ryan evans #chad danforth #chad danforth x ryan evans #chad x ryan #this is pretty much taken straight out of my dms with a friend when we were sharing out takes #hi clifford if you're reading this :)

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fruitybashir · 4 days

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Has Bojan ever told Kris "I love you" in Serbian and he didn't realize? (we see Bojan mutters a lot of Serbian, but we don't know what)

oh interesting!!! lets go there

so this is funny bc originally, a big part of bojan's ch16 crisis wouldve been that he accidentally said "i love you/volim te" to kris when they had sex in ch15, then realising that the next morning and freaking out about it. i switched it up mostly for two reasons:

a) the "shit we took it too far" moment ended up being having unprotected sex which, again, i hadnt originally planned lol it just sorta happened. and i like it better that way bc in their context, that is very much an admission and an act of love, without either of them explicitly saying it. and it gives bojan a (very flimsy excuse of an) exit route from his crisis where he tells himself that as long as neither of them has said it out loud, they can still just go back.

and b) i dont know about actual kris, but holidate kris doesnt exactly speak or understand serbian fluently, but he does recognize a few words here and there. like curse words bojan regularly uses mostly but also. stuff you just pick up when you live in the area of another language if that makes sense? like how im from germany but ill recognize a few words and sentences here and there from polish, dutch, french, etc just bc. its stuff you kinda pick up from proximity and having music with different languages in the charts.

and a "volim te" would have definitely been recognisable to kris, its not something he wouldve overheard or not have understood. and that would just have changed his whole perspective in ch16 bc bojan would have told kris he loves him only to then fuck off and say hey lets just be friends. it would have been a very different crisis on his part then, knowing bojan loves him but for some reason doesnt want him vs actual ch16 wondering where he'd gone wrong, thinking bojan had figured out kris had feelings for him but not feeling the same and that pushed him away etc etc

so uhh. what was the question again? oh yeah.

bojan speaking serbian. this is one of those "idk man i just write the guy" instances kinda, i dont have any exact words or sentences in mind?

had to go back and check where bojan speaks serbian actually

exhibit nr.1: just various curses for sure

exhibit nr.2: ummm probably also just like fuck me but in serbian? maybe smthn like "need you in me" etc like maybe just something filthy and desperate lmao

exhibit nr.3: a lot of sweet talking mostly, telling kris how amazing he feels, in him and under him, how he loves being so close to him, how good he makes bojan feels ummmm idk i cant come up with anything deep or poetic rn but basically just a loooot a lot of sweet talk and praise and basically saying how much he loves kris without actually saying the words for it. does that make sense?

but with all things that are left vague: its up for interpretation if you have something else in mind. bojan could be reciting the manual to his microwave for all i know.

#inbox #sparkles-oflight #was so convinced id keep it semi short and coherent but oh well. not beating the rambling allegations #lore

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