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ddeonghwaa · 2 years

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If I Never Met You (Yunho)

Characters: Jeong Yunho x reader

Genre: really angst!

Word count: 3k

“Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I never met you.”

With two cups of hot chocolate in his hands, Yunho headed towards your workplace happily with a smile plastered on his face. He finished work early that day and decided to fetch you from work as a surprise. He stood outside your office building and began playing with the leaves on the floor while waiting for you to come out. It was windy and chilly, but Yunho didn’t mind the cold at all. He was just excited to see you again, although you bid goodbye to each other that morning.

“Anytime now,” he whispered to himself, eyes wandering around the exit, hoping to be the first one to spot you when you’re out. You’ve been dating for about a year now, and the only word you’d use to describe it is, ‘complete’.

Every time you smile, his heart flutters and flips at the sight. Every time he ruffles your hair, the butterflies in your tummy multiply. The best thing for the both of you is time spent together.

“What would I do if I never met you? I don’t think I could ever survive,” Yunho would casually bring up this question whenever you’re together. You could be eating, sleeping, gaming or watching movies, and he’d pop this question out of nowhere.

In response to that, you’d chuckle and peck his cheek, “Me neither. Meeting you is a blessing.”

The two of you are inseparable, you would share your feelings, cravings, how your day went. Sometimes, without even saying anything, Yunho could sense if you’re sad and would give you a tight, warm hug to cheer you up. Your face would lit up at his actions and you’ll snuggle into his neck.

When Yunho is with you, you feel complete.

The building’s exit door opened and Yunho’s eyes widened in excitement as he saw you walking out.

“Hey babe, I’m he-”

Yunho stopped in his tracks when he noticed you were not alone. Walking next to you was a tall, fine, good-looking young man, and the two of you seemed to be having a conversation.

You laughed at something the man said and he smiled in response. When your head turned, you finally noticed your boyfriend standing there with two drinks in his hands. A soft smile appeared on your face.

“My boyfriend is here. Let’s continue discussing the new project tomorrow, okay?” You bid your coworker goodbye and made your way to Yunho, internally screaming excitedly because you get to see him again.

“Hey handsome,” You gave him a smile and pulled him into an embrace, not caring about the stares people were giving. Yunho put his arms up to prevent spilling the drinks and pecked your cheeks.

“Baby, I missed you,” he replied as you pulled off from the hug. He handed you the hot chocolate and caressed your cheeks. “You look so beautiful under the moonlight.”

You blushed at his comment and playfully slapped his arm, “Only when I’m under the moonlight?”

Yunho chuckled and shook his head, “No, my girl looks beautiful 24/7.”

“The only right answer,” you teased.

You hooked your right arm around Yunho’s, while the other held the cup of hot chocolate. The both of you started walking slowly to your shared apartment, enjoying the night breeze and each other’s company.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” you said. Yunho hummed in response and replied, “I wanted to surprise you. I know you like it when I fetch you from work, right?”

You can’t help but smile at his reply. Reuniting with Yunho after a long day at work is so rewarding. You softly caressed the back of his head, with eyes full of love. “Thank you, baby.”

“What do you want to have for dinner?” You asked. He shrugged and replied, “Up to you. I don’t really have an appetite.”

You blinked in confusion and stopped him in his tracks. “Babe, wait. YOU don’t have an appetite? Is that even possible?”

Yunho cleared his throat and tried brushing it off, but you wouldn’t let him. “Baby~ Tell me what is it? Is something bothering you?” You whined.

Yunho kept quiet, and his next action surprised you. His lips turned into a pout and he continued not saying a word. “Hm?” You asked.

“Baby, if you don’t tell me, I won’t know.”

Yunho finally gave in and let out a sigh. “You know how I get jealous easily, right?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you started thinking back about what could possibly make him say that. Then it clicked. Yunho had probably seen you talking to your coworker just now, and maybe he got jealous of that.

Cute.

“Is this about my coworker at the office?”

Yunho softly nodded and kept on fidgeting his fingers. You chuckled, “Baby~ Don’t worry, he’s just a coworker and he knows that you’re my boyfriend.”

“Really?” Yunho looked into your eyes in relief. “Yes, I made it clear to everyone in the office that I’m taken. By the sweetest guy on earth.”

You recalled the time when the two of you went on a date, a random guy came up to you and asked for your number. When Yunho came back from the restroom, he was furious when he found out about it. He spent the whole day being sulky and pouty, so you had to lure him with food to make him feel better. The sight of a jealous Yunho is so cute to you, making you chuckle to yourself whenever you think of it.

Little did you know, life had something in store for you. It decided to take a turn.

For the worse.

As the two of you dived into more years of dating, things about the relationship began to change. Dating Yunho started to feel like a chore.

You noticed yourself walking on eggshells every time Yunho comes back home late from work, not wanting to irritate him in any way. Yunho talked to you less, and even when the two of you are eating on the same table, you feel like you’re forced to initiate a conversation.

The little things that Yunho did that used to make you swoon over him, were starting to annoy you at some point. Sometimes when you just wanted some time alone, he’d keep asking you if you were okay or not, or if he did something wrong.

You couldn’t figure out when things started being like this, but deep down, you hoped for things to be as they were before.

“Babe, I told you I’m fine. I just need some time for myself,” you breathed out.

“Are you on your period?” Yunho blurted out. When he noticed that what he said was offensive, his eyes widened.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“And you’re sure you meant your apology?” you replied in sarcasm, clearly annoyed at what he had suggested. Were you a bit harsh on him? You weren’t sure. You’ve had a really long day at work, and told Yunho you needed some time to think, but he kept on bothering you.

“Babe, I’m sorry. Okay?” Yunho let out a sigh and stared into your eyes. You remained expressionless, a little disappointed about what he said. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll fetch you from work tomorrow, and then we’ll get dinner at our favourite pasta restaurant. Sounds like a plan?”

He gently sat next to you and waited for your answer. You pulled your knees to your chest and rested your head on it, “Deal.”

Yunho nodded with a soft smile. For some reason, his eyes looked sad and your heart felt empty. Is it okay to resolve a small fight like this? Why does it feel as if something’s missing? It feels weird whenever things turn out too easy like this.

You couldn’t recognise this weird, new feeling, but you brushed it off. It’s nothing.

During lunch the next day, you met up with your best friend for coffee. Since you’ve always shared your concerns with her, you decided to consult her about your relationship with Yunho.

“Have you sat down with Yunho, and had a small talk about this?” Your friend asked, as you shook your head, denying it. “Sometimes it feels uncomfortable just being in the same room with him, honestly. I don’t know when this started, but it’s starting to suffocate me. Yunho did nothing wrong, nor did I.”

You let out a long sigh and shook your head, “I don’t know what to do.”

Your best friend looked at you in concern and gave you a hug, “I think the both of you need to talk it out. Maybe you’re always together, that’s why you can't see what’s the problem. Remember all the good times you’ve spent with each other, what makes the two of you happy. I know this sounds easy to say, but I really think communication is what the two of you need right now.”

“Not a forced casual conversation, but a heart to heart, deep conversation.”

Your friend’s words kept on lingering in your head as you stepped out of the office building. How do you bring up a heart to heart conversation with Yunho? You have no idea. “I guess you weren’t listening?” Your coworker, who was beside you, chuckled.

When you realised you didn’t register a single word he said to you, you felt bad. “Sorry. What were you saying again?”

“It’s nothing important. You look like you’re out of it lately. Get enough rest and I’ll see you again in the office?” You nodded in response and gave him a small smile, before parting ways.

Your eyes were out of focus as you walked forward, until you heard a familiar voice calling out to you.

You searched for the voice and your eyes met Yunho’s. He was there to fetch you again, as promised. You gave him a soft smile as you headed to him. “Hey, you came.”

Yunho nodded, “As promised.”

“Do you want to have ramyeon for dinner instead? I’m suddenly craving for ramyeon instead of pasta,” you asked and looked up to see his reply.

Yunho hummed with a nod, “Sure, I don’t mind it at all.”

You smiled and wrapped your arm around his, and the two of you walked home together. You figured that it was better to start the heart to heart talk with him when you’re home, in your comfortable space. That was why you suggested having ramyeon at home for dinner instead of the pasta restaurant.

You were confident that you could resolve this issue during dinner. But Yunho was quiet throughout the journey, until you reached home.

The moment you reached home, you took out a pot and two packets of ramyeon to cook. “Babe, do you want me to crack an egg in yours?”

Yunho shook his head, “Actually, I’m not hungry. You can cook just for yourself.”

Your face fell at his reply. Yunho didn’t even spare you a glance after dropping the bomb and went to change into comfortable clothes. Disappointed, you proceeded to cook a pack of ramyeon for yourself. You were starving and you couldn’t find it in you to ask Yunho to eat when he didn't want to. When he came to the living room, he noticed you were at the dining table, playing with your food instead of eating.

Yunho knows how you hated eating alone. With a sigh, he pulled the chair in front of you and kept you company. “Thank you,” you said and took a bite of your food. However, the more you ate, the more you lost your appetite. Yunho was in your company, but he didn’t talk to you.

The silence was suffocating you, so you cleared your throat to catch his attention. Yunho looked up to you and raised his brows, signaling a, “Yes?”

“These days I’ve been having some thoughts, and it’s been bothering me a lot lately,” you hesitated, “I’ve been thinking a lot about… us. Our relationship.”

You heard Yunho take a deep breath, his eyes changed into a more serious mode. Does he realise it too? How different has your relationship been lately?

“I don’t know when we started being like this to each other,” you took a breath and carefully looked at Yunho for his reaction. He remained expressionless, but his eyes were serious.

“Does this relationship feel like a burden to you?” There you go. You asked the question that has been eating you alive lately. You finally let it out from your chest, but it weirdly didn’t feel satisfying. Instead, the atmosphere around the two of you darkened.

After a moment of silence, Yunho finally spoke up. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Your eyes widened in surprise, clearly not expecting him to get that idea from your question. “N-no, that’s not what I’m suggesting. I just fee-“

“Do you have someone else?” He interrupted, not giving you a second to even breathe. His eyes turned into someone different and you couldn’t recognise it. Yunho felt so distant and cold, as if he had turned into a different person.

“Babe, I don’t! Are you even listening to yourself?”

You shook your head in disbelief and stared at Yunho. “Are you accusing me of cheating on you?”

Yunho stared down at the table, fidgeting his fingers. “It’s not considered accusing if it’s true.”

Your jaw dropped at what Yunho just said. How could he? After all your efforts trying to revive this dying relationship, he accused you of cheating on him? It all sounds like a lie to you and you couldn’t believe what you were going through right now.

“Oh God, tell me this is a dream.”

Yunho felt bad and looked at you. “You looked extra friendly with your male coworkers.”

Did you hear him wrong? You were starting to doubt your ears at the absurd things your boyfriend said.

During your early days of being in a relationship, a jealous Yunho seemed cute to you. Him being jealous showed that he truly liked you and didn’t want anyone else to take you away from him. However, as time went by, this jealousy of his became the cause of your fights and it didn’t seem cute anymore.

“I told you so many times before, he is just a coworker. There’s nothing more than that. I made it clear to him!”

“Made it clear to him that you’re into him too?”

You scoffed in disbelief and almost cursed at the man in front of you. “Don’t you see his eyes when he looks at you? No one looks at a coworker like that. I don’t trust him,” Yunho continued.

“You know what? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I never met you. We’d never go through this.”

You turned speechless at his words.

Suddenly, your ears started ringing so loud, you couldn’t decipher what Yunho was saying after he threw those words at you. Each word felt like a stab through your heart and you felt tears threatening to gush out.

“He has a girlfriend, Jeong Yunho!” You spat out. “He has a f*cking girlfriend.”

Yunho felt his heart fall when you interrupted him and used his full name. You only called him by his full name when you’re really mad, but he has never seen you this furious. Your face turned red and you started shaking. Yunho’s face fell when he noticed the tears forming in your eyes.

Yunho’s weakness is seeing you cry because of him. If you’d cried because of watching dramas or movies, he wouldn’t mind it at all. He’d even tease you for it. But he promised to himself he’d never let you shed a tear because of him, but today, he realised he was breaking that promise.

“If you can’t trust him, you should have at least trusted me, Jeong Yunho,” you said in a low voice, breathings were still unstable.

“We’ve been dating for so long, how could you still not trust me? I would never hurt you, I’ve never even thought of cheating on you. Do you expect me to not talk to my own coworker? How the hell am I supposed to get work done?” You shook your head and stood up from your seat.

“I tried so hard to make you happy in this relationship, to not offend you, but I guess all of my efforts went to waste. I tried saving this relationship by having this conversation with you tonight, but I guess it’s not going well.”

“We went through so much together, but you still don’t trust me. At one point, I even believed that there’s nothing in the world that can break us down as long as we’re together. Because we’re stronger that way.”

A tear finally fell on your cheek and you closed your eyes shut.

“Little did we know, the thing that broke us is… ourselves.”

Yunho couldn’t say a word and just stared at you. Was he too harsh to you? He felt bad at the sight of you breaking down in front of him. You looked so vulnerable He wanted to reach his arm out and pull you into his embrace, but it weirdly feels difficult to do that.

“Baby…” he whispered. Not giving him a chance to say anything, you continued.

“Sometimes you wonder what it would be like if you never met me?“ You let out a sad smile with more tears running down your cheeks. Your breaths were shaky and your vision turned blurry. You felt like you could collapse right there and then, but you held onto the chair for support.

Your grip on the chair became stronger as you exhaled loudly. Getting yourself together, you looked into Yunho’s eyes for one last time.

“I guess you’ll know what it would be like, now.”

With that, you grabbed your bag and headed for the door. Yunho was surprised at what you said and grabbed your wrists.

“Baby, wait! What do you mean? Where are you going? It’s already late!”

You turned back to him and shook his hands off your wrist.

“Don’t call me that. You’ve never met me.”

Yunho froze in his spot after hearing that, arms hanging by his sides lifelessly. After a moment, he felt a wave of regret washing over him. Did he really just lose you?

masterlist

Tell me how you feel after reading this! Because I definitely cried while wriiting this piece. I just have a lot of sadness these days and I feel like pouring it all out in a written piece.

Thank you for reading! I appreciate it a lot!

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btsqualityy · 4 years

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Heaven Sent; Part 1

Jin x Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Minor character death (nothing explicit or descirbed though), grieving families

Nothing felt necessarily different when you woke up this morning. You woke up in the same bed that you had been sleeping in for the past 6 years, in the same tiny house that you had fallen in love with years prior. You went through your shower routine as usual, and the same happened when you did your makeup and hair. You even struggled to wake your daughter Aera up this morning like you always did, because she loved to sleep in just like her daddy. By all accounts, it was a normal morning.

Except it wasn’t, because today was the day that you were burying your husband and Aera’s father.

“Mommy?” Aera called and you hummed in reply as you put the finishing touches on her ponytails. “Are you almost finished?”

“Just about,” you sighed heavily, grabbing two black ribbons and taking the time to tie each of them around the bases of the two ponytails that were in her hair. Once you were done, you picked Aera up and sat down on the edge of your bed, settling her in your lap.

“We need to have a serious talk really quick, ok Love?” You told her and she nodded her head. “You know how Daddy has passed away and how I explained it to you?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled softly.

“Well, today is going to be the last time that you see him for a long time,” you said and her face instantly bunched up.

“Not even when I’m a big grown up?” She wondered and you shook your head sadly.

“No, not even then,” you replied as you reached up and brushed back the baby hairs that framed her face. “But I want you to know that it’s ok to be sad or cry if you want to, and that you don’t have to be strong for me or anyone else.”

“Are you going to cry Mommy?” Aera questioned and you smiled sadly, choosing not to lie to her.

“Yeah I am, because I’m sad,” you nodded.

“Ok,” she agreed easily and you hugged her tightly, your chest tightening at the thought of what was to come.

........................................................

The actual service wasn’t that bad, which is something that you had anticipated. It wasn’t until you watched Hae-il’s casket being lowered into the ground that you finally broke down, and it took both your father and Hae-il’s father to haul you away while Aera sat in your mother’s lap, sobbing into her chest.

After everything was said and done, Hae-il’s parents held a small dinner back at their house and family and friends appeared to offer you their condolences.

“I’m so sorry Y/N-ah,” Yoongi whispered, holding his arms open and you immediately fell into them, hugging him firmly as you hooked your chin over his shoulder. You and Yoongi worked together at the same interior designing firm, and you had been at work with him when you had gotten the call that Hae-il had been involved in a horrific car accident. Yoongi, as well as Taehyung who was another of your coworkers, went with you to the hospital where you found out that Hae-il’s injuries were fatal.

“How are you holding up?” Taehyung asked after giving you a quick hug as well, and you shrugged lamely.

“I’m barely holding it together and that’s only because of Aera,” you confessed, taking a second to glance across the room, where Hae-il’s mother Eun Ae was trying her hardest to get Aera to eat something. “This is so fucked up for her.”

“Hey, don’t leave yourself out of that,” Yoongi said softly. “You lost someone too.”

“I know but it’s different for her,” you sighed. “She’s so young, I don’t think she really understands even though I’ve explained it to her the best that I know how.”

“It’s gonna take time Y/N-ah,” Taehyung said and you just hummed in reply. Suddenly, you heard a loud squeal and you whipped your head to the side to see Aera sliding down off of Eun Ae’s lap and running across the room. Your eyes followed her to the front door and your eyes widened when you saw Kim Seokjin standing there.

“Uncle Jin!” You heard Aera cheer, her squeals bouncing throughout the house as Jin picked her up and hugged her to his chest.

“Guys, give me a sec,” you said and after receiving a nod from Taehyung and Yoongi, you turned and walked over to the door.

“How are you, little heart?” Jin asked Aera and she shrugged her shoulders.

“I’m sad,” she answered truthfully and you saw Jin sigh heavily before nodding his head and gently patting her back with one of his large hands.

“That’s ok, because today is a sad day,” he told her. He then looked up and saw you walking towards him, and the same sad smile that had been on everyone else’s face whenever they talked to you today was now on his face as well.

“Hi Y/N,” he greeted you and you did your best to smile, leaning forward and giving him a quick one-armed hug. Jin and Hae-il had met in university, becoming close very quickly and remaining as such throughout the years. You had of course met Jin several times but with him living in Japan overseeing the chain of restaurant that his father owned, you and Hae-il rarely saw him over the last 3 or 4 years. He was Aera’s godfather though, and he loved her almost as much as you and Hae-il did.

“Hey, I didn’t see you at the service,” you muttered and the sad smile on his face turned apologetic.

“My flight was late so I only caught the tail end of it,” he explained. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. Besides, Hae-il knows how much you cared.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss Y/N,” he said, and it looked like tears were beginning to form in his eyes. However, he quickly recovered and continued. “You guys meant so much to Hae-il.”

“Thank you,” you nodded. “There’s food and stuff here, so feel free to help yourself.”

“Alright.”

“Aera, why don’t you come with me so that Uncle Jin can eat?” You suggested as you reached out for her but she shook her head and snuggled further into Jin’s suit jacket.

“Wanna stay,” she muttered.

“It’s ok Y/N, I got her,” Jin told you and you raised an eyebrow.

“You sure?” You checked.

“It’s no problem. Besides, I missed my favorite girl,” he smiled, leaning down and kissing the top of Aera’s head. “Did you miss me, little heart?”

“Lots,” she whispered and Jin gave you a small nod as if to say “I told you so” before stepping around you and walking towards the kitchen. As you turned around to watch them, your mother walked up to you.

“Are you hungry Y/N?” Chae-won asked and you shook your head. “I can make a plate for you if you want.”

“I’m not hungry Mom,” you replied.

“You sure? I haven’t seen you eat anything today.”

“I’m fine,” you stated firmly and the tone of your voice showed your mom that you didn’t want to keep talking about it, so she let it go.

“Who was that man carrying Aera just now?” She wondered instead.

“That’s Kim Seokjin. He and Hae-il have been close since University and he’s Aera’s godfather,” you explained.

“That’s the uncle Jin that she’s always going on about then,” your mother chuckled. “He must be great with her, because he’s the first person that she’s let hold her today besides us and Hae-il’s parents.”

“He loves her,” you confirmed. A few seconds of silence passed between the two of you then before your mother sighed heavily, and you already knew what she was going to say.

“Y/N, I really wish you would reconsider our offer to let you and Aera move in with us for a while,” Chae-won said.

“No.”

“You’ve never had to raise Aera alone before and it’s going to be a tough adjustment,” Chae-won continued. “You’re gonna need the support.”

“Maybe so, but I can’t and won’t rip Aera away from the only house that she’s ever grown up in,” you explained. “So much has changed so fast for her, and I don’t want to make any of this harder than it needs to be. Besides, that’s the first house that Hae-il and I bought together and you’re crazy if you think that I’m going to leave it now.”

“Y/N, that’s not what I was trying to-” your mother began to say but you didn’t stick around to hear the rest of her sentence, walking off as you felt the anger coursing through your body. You understood your mother’s intentions, but you also don’t think she understood exactly what it was that she was suggesting. Your house was the place that held the most memories of Hae-il and you would be damned if you were going to leave it now; not when you needed it the most.

........................................................

Once the dinner was over and everyone had left, you took Aera back home to get her ready for bed after the long day. You wanted to keep everything as normal for her as you possibly could, so giving her a bath and struggling to get her to brush her teeth the way that she should went on as they always had.

“Mommy? I have a question,” Aera told you as you helped her into her bed, pulling her covers back and watching as she climbed inside before sitting on the edge next to her.

“Yes?”

“Does Daddy love me?” She asked and your eyes widened.

“Of course he does,” you nodded. “Why would you ask me that Aera?”

“Because he left us and it hurts,” she told you. “You said that if someone loves me, then they wouldn’t hurt me.” You sighed heavily, realizing that your previous attempts to instill some self-worth into your five year old were now backfiring horribly.

“Well sometimes, people hurt us even though they don’t mean to or want to,” you began. “Daddy didn’t want to leave us and if he had been able to choose, he would’ve stayed.”

“Really?” Aera’s tone sounded doubtful as she asked.

“Really,” you confirmed, thinking for a few seconds before deciding to try a different tactic. “Do you remember what your name means?”

“It means love,” she chirped. “That’s why you call me Love and Uncle Jin calls me little heart.”

“That’s right baby,” you smiled. “Did you know that your daddy chose your name?”

“He did?” She whispered in awe.

“He did and do you wanna know why?” You asked and she nodded her head up and down rapidly.

“Why?”

“Because he loved you as soon as he knew you were in my tummy,” you revealed and her eyes widened.

“That was a long time ago,” she muttered.

“It was,” you chuckled. “So even though we can’t see Daddy anymore, he’s still sending you lots of love.”

“Ok,” she agreed, all of what you said seeming to make sense to her. “I miss Daddy, and his hugs.”

“That’s ok to miss him,” you assured her. “And how about anytime that you want to hug Daddy, you come hug me instead?”

“Really?”

“Really,” you confirmed and you didn’t have time to prepare yourself before she sat up and launched herself into your arms, wrapping her little arms around your neck. You hugged her back, making sure to squeeze her tightly the same way that Hae-il would. “I love you Aera.”

“I love you too Mommy,” she said as she let go of you.

“Alright, lay down and go to bed, ok?” You told her and she nodded, laying down and you pulled the covers over her. Once she shut her eyes, you leaned over and kissed her forehead before reaching over and turning on her nightlight. You then stood up from her bed, walking over to the door and shutting the light off. Making sure to leave the door slightly ajar so that you could hear her if she needed you, you made your way down the hallway and into your bedroom, the length of the day beginning to weigh down on your body.

By the time that you had showered and took your makeup off, you didn’t have the energy to do anything else but flop down onto your bed and pull the covers up and over your head. You felt yourself beginning to drift off and you happily welcomed it, until you smelt a familiar scent.

Your eyes popped open and then widened when you realized that Hae-il’s pillow was right in front of your face. You had been very careful to avoid it over the past week, not wanting to make things any harder for yourself. This time though, you allowed yourself to drag the pillow towards you, burying your face in the material and inhaling deeply.

“Damn it Hae,” you whimpered, the tears quickly welling up and spilling over onto your cheeks. “Why did you have to leave us?”

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aching-tummies · 3 years

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Have you ever dealt with food-restriction or ED or whatever?

I really debated answering this one. I understand that it's a sensitive topic for a lot of people, and I do go into some personal details with my struggles, so I'm going to put most of that under a cut.

I know a lot of blogs have something like "we do not stan ED in this house" and that's the extent of their address on the topic and some get pretty angry if anyone even mentions ED around them. I get it, it's a triggering topic and it can be unhealthy and maybe hearing about it or seeing it or whatever pushes someone (back) into bad habits. I understand all that. In my opinion though, shutting down the topic is problematic. I believe that destigmatization saves lives--and not just for ED. Making it a dirty little secret and something one feels ashamed of talking about or struggling with creates more problems. It doesn't go away just because someone feels they cannot talk about it. I'm on the side of destigmatization--where "how are you" is an actual question rather than a casual greeting where "good" or "great" are the only acceptable answers. No--it's supposed to be a question and we shouldn't have to feel ashamed when we are going through crap. Maybe neither party has time to get into it then and there and maybe the other party isn't comfortable/or the right person to go to with those particular issues...but "how are you" is supposed to be a genuine question, not a greeting.

Short answer to whether or not I've dealt with food-restriction or ED: yes.

I don't want to invite drama onto my blog with this...but I think it's time I said something on the topic. For one, I'm sick of how people go "we don't stan ana on this blog--GTFO" and leave the discussion at that. I don't think that is healthy. People that actually struggle with EDs and Ana maybe want to get help...but professional/formal help is not always accessible and not necessarily always the right tool for what they are going through in that moment. I understand that EDs are unhealthy and I am not trying to glorify them...but I want to say that I care about the people struggling with the stuff and I admire their resilience. There's enough shaming going on around the world and I'm not going to dish it out to someone struggling with an ED. I'm not going to make it out to be something that's taboo to talk about like it's some dirty little secret. I want to de-stigmatize it. I want a world where someone can be like, "I struggle with food/eating and I had a setback last night" and those of us listening can be like, "Alright. Is there something you need/want me to do with that information? How can I help?" Currently, I see a lot of, "Shh! That's a triggering topic! Do you want to set off all the other ED suffer-ers in here?! Don't talk about that noise!" even in my IRL friend groups and I think it's just sad. These are the same friends that are constantly reblogging, "It's okay to not be okay" and “I’m a safe person to tell stuff to” stuff but clearly they don't believe that.

The way I see it, living with EDs is like living with a pet alligator. It was once small and cute and early on maybe you made one choice: you chose to keep it. Great...well, now it's grown and it's a problem and you don't know what to do with a full-grown alligator that eyes you like you're it's next meal. Who do you talk to when everyone shuts you down and maybe there isn't an "animal control" number you can reach out to because it's expensive or it doesn't exist in your area or they're so over-booked that you'll be alligator-chum before they get to you? That's how I see ED. It's terrifying but it's still 'your' pet alligator, even if you feel more like it's pet human at times.

Onto the personal aspects.

I've never been officially diagnosed with an ED and I don't believe I've ever done something that's extremely dangerous on this front. That being said I have (and sometimes still do) struggle with intrusive thoughts about my body.

I'm "average" sized...maybe on the bigger side of average in North America...however, there's a different standard in Asian culture. Like the "Asian F". I was always told I was supposed to be smaller. I was supposed to be no more than 5'3, no more than 110lbs, have a bust no bigger than 34C, and be able to fit into anything marketed to teens and up. Yeah...I'm none of that.

I'm going to try not to rant and get angry and upset...so here goes, take 7 on trying to answer this.

I grew up surrounded by judgmental adults. I eat and I'm fat; I refuse to eat or eat less and I'm exhibiting worrisome behavior. My take away: I bring dishonour on my cow no matter what I do. Sure, there are those that'll be like, "they'll judge me whether I eat or not so I may as well eat some good food"...yeah...that's not me. Choosing to skip the meal and the company entirely is the only way I feel/felt like I 'win'...but as a child that wasn't an option.

I mostly ate alone in University, but my brain filled in for the silence of judgmental comments. If I ate my whole lunch in one sitting I'd get upset with myself. I'd pack smaller portions and I'd be aware they were smaller, but I'd still be upset with myself for finishing it...or even finishing it and still being hungry. If I caved and bought a sugary drink or a snack or something because it looked good, I'd scold myself for using up the food budget as well as the calories budget. I used to break apart individual cookies--one cookie would take 3-4 sittings/days for me to allow myself to finish because I'd only allow myself two fractured pieces at a time. Some days, i.e. weekends, I'd intentionally skip a meal or two and rationalize that I was simply indulging in kink and that I'd eat later. I always did end up eating later and going about my life as normal. "Fasting once in a while is supposed to be healthy", I'd tell myself...but I won't deny that there was some part of me that would tell me that every skipped meal and calorie ignored was gradually working toward shrinking my body.

Despite how it sounds, I wasn't actually doing noticable damage to my body. Physically, I was within the realm of healthy...maybe on the bigger side of average and definitely not mentally sound...but my body was fine. My body didn't change--I didn't gain or lose weight. I ate...I just felt bad about it and beat myself up about it. In retrospect, it was a heck of a lot of mental anguish I did to myself with nothing to show for it.

Life after University is pretty stressful. Stress doesn't agree with my tummy so I got (and still get) frequent upset stomachs. I've become pretty conscious of eating and how my stomach feels so I end up being careful to eat less so that there is less to upset my tummy. I do it because an upset stomach is inconvenient...but I do enjoy the fact that it seems I have lost a little weight. Losing weight isn't a big part of my rational though. My coworkers have mentioned that I look thinner. I don’t see much of a change when I look in the mirror...but my belt does up two notches tighter without too much fuss so I guess I have slimmed down just a smidge. I didn't intend to lose weight, I just cut down on eating because I didn't want to deal with so many upset stomachs...I think I'm allowed to enjoy the unintentional weight loss without it being a problem...but if I had a problem then I guess what I think about this situation doesn't count for much.

I wish I was thinner--just enough to fit into acceptable sizes in the women's section. Enough to not feel like "the big one" when among my friends. I don't idealize the extremes of weight-loss...like...I don't want to be able to count my ribs or have my joints be wider around than my biceps or whatever. And I don't feel like I'm obsessed with losing weight/being thinner. It's something I want...but I also want a burrito and a can of Cola. I tend to partake more than I deny myself nowadays...just in smaller portions. I’ll still get mad at myself for indulging...but I do indulge and try to lessen the mental kicking by splitting things between two meals or something. I still break apart my cookies and eat them over the course of a couple of days...but most of that is because I run out of time to enjoy the treat or because I want to ration it so that I don't have to spend money to buy another one every single time. I don't try to count calories and all that. I still see eating less as a good thing...but I'll still eat a decent portion...I won't pick at my food rather than eat it.

My opinion here, but I don't think I'm unhealthily obsessing over weight and body issues and stuff. They're a part of my life but I don't think they do enough to be super problematic at this stage in my life.

And now onto the tie-in with the content on this blog. I've answered quite a few asks about how I feel about 'stuffing' and the thing that rhymes with "Geight Wain" with "for reasons I don't want to share, I'm not comfortable with that stuff". Most of the reasons I was thinking of for those asks is covered in the personal stuff above. I'm not comfortable with stuffing and the big "double-u gee" because for all of my life I've felt or internalized some judgements about body size and weight. It's very upsetting for me. It's also why I hate a lot of the degradation talk and things mentioning chub or fat or rolls or whatever--because it brings be back to being a kid sitting amongst judgmental adults feeling ashamed of how much of the universe’s matter I took up. If other people like those tags they're free to do so...I just don't want that sort of thing shoved into my face or imposed onto me because it makes me feel bad and makes me remember bad times. I’m into tum-kink and stuff and would love to indulge IRL with an actual partner someday...but I don’t think I will ever be comfortable with putting on weight or even RPing something like that. The thought of getting bigger terrifies me and it’s not something I want encouragement for personally. You do you if that’s what you’re into...just leave me out of it.

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dlwritings · 5 years

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Inexplicably in Love | Steve Harrington

masterlist found here

pairing - Steve Harrington x plus-size!reader word count - 3,318 warnings - insecure reader is insecure A/N - takes place in between seasons 2 and 3 - idk I’m crying but it’s whatever

This one’s for the anon who requested it and for all my plus size gals who don’t look like Ashley Graham. (No shade to Ashley. She rocks. I just don’t always feel like she represents my kind of plus size.) Some of us don’t have sexy curves. Some of us are just mushy. But you know what? We’re cute! And someday we’re going to have non-fictional Steve Harringtons who love us and our beautiful squishy bodies. And someday we’re going to love our own squishy bodies without the validation from someone else. I already love ya’ll. Also to my squishy guys and non-binary pals! I see you. You’re all gorgeous, and I love you too.

summary - You’re having an off day riddled with insecurities about yourself. Lucky for you, Steve is the sweetest boyfriend on the planet and knows just what to say and do to make you feel a little bit better.

It was Friday night, and you had plans with your boyfriend, Steve.

Boyfriend. Even after almost seven months, the word still felt weird coming out of your mouth attached to Steve Harrington’s name.

Steve had been working at Scoops Ahoy for about a month, and he wasn’t crazy about it. He felt indifferent about his only coworker, Robin, and some of the customers who came in on the daily drove him up the wall (*cough cough* Erica *cough cough*). The one plus side was that every other Friday, he got to close, and on those Fridays, there was usually a new shipment of ice cream. So on Thursday, he would make sure you were mentally prepared to come to the back entrance of the parlor the next night when the rest of the mall was closed so you could try the new flavors together. It had happened only three times so far that summer, but it was easily Steve’s favorite part of the job.

And usually, you were excited for it too. You and Steve would try all the flavors and usually make out in the back until your butt got sore from sitting on the counter. And then you’d go make out in his car until your curfew. It was a fun routine.

It was just that, today, you weren’t feeling so hot. No, you weren’t sick, and you didn’t have a headache or anything. You were just having one of those days. One of those days where every outfit you put on was wrong, and your tummy looked too pudgy from every angle, no matter how hard you tried to hold it in. You spent the entire day in bed, only getting up to shower in the morning, grateful you didn’t have a job you needed to go to. Your parents were at work all day, and your mom only came in your room when she got home to say hi and ask if you had eaten dinner already. You lied and said you had.

On these days, when your insecurities ate away at you, you needed to lay in bed and sulk. It was like purging for you. You just had to get rid of all the bad feelings so you could feel refreshed and put on your happy face again.

The truth was, you were never confident or outgoing or extroverted or popular. You honestly had no idea why Steve was attracted to you in the first place. You looked nothing like any girls he had been with in the past. And you weren’t really friends in high school. He wasn’t mean to you or anything. You actually sat by each other in most of the classes that you had together and often got in trouble for whispering, passing notes, or snickering during a lecture. Still, that didn’t mean you were friends. At least not in your mind.

You were Dustin’s neighbor and would sometimes get roped into babysitting him. This happened the day he trapped “Dart” in his cellar, and it changed your relationship with Steve. And, you supposed, with everyone else involved. Just, obviously, not in the same way.

From that night on, you and Steve were inseparable. It didn’t take long for the two of you to become official. And you were happy. Genuinely, really happy. You just still didn’t get it. And it wasn’t easy to be in a relationship you didn’t understand. You were constantly questioning it. Always wondering if Steve had some twisted ulterior motive. And you could never go out with him in public without noticing all the people staring. You knew what they were wondering. It was what you were so often wondering.

What is he doing with her?

Today, you had to shake all those thoughts away and go be with Steve. It was 9:30, and he was expecting you around 10:00, so you dragged yourself out of bed and put on some clean clothes. (You has been wearing your pajamas all day, putting on a clean pair after you showered.) Your parents liked Steve, but you knew they wouldn’t be too thrilled if they knew you were leaving the house late at night to meet up with him. So, like usual, you opened your window and climbed out, glad that your room was on the first floor as your feet touched the grass. Your parents slept like a rock and turned in already at 9:00, so you started your car without fear of waking them up and made your way to Starcourt.

You tried giving yourself a pep talk throughout the whole drive. Today was just like any other day. You didn’t look any different than you did yesterday, and you felt fine yesterday. This was fine. Your jeans buttoned up, and your t-shirt fit over your stomach. What more could you ask for?

A tummy that wasn’t so round. Boobs that didn’t seem too small because your weight rested in your stomach. An ass that wasn’t flat above your thick thighs. You knew curvy girls could be beautiful too, but you weren’t like those curvy girls. You didn’t have a round ass and big boobs. You were just meh. Just kind of there.

You pulled into the mall’s parking lot feeling no better about yourself than you had when you left your house. You pulled down your car visor and opened the mirror, practicing your bright smile for Steve. You added some lipstick for good measure. If you could flash your pearly whites behind some killer red lips, Steve would be clueless to how sad you actually were. You loved Steve, but he could be so oblivious sometimes.

Steve was waiting for you outside the usual back door with his silly sailor costume on, sans the hat as usual. He greeted you with a kiss on the cheek and let you inside the mall. “We got three new flavors,” he said as you made your way through the back hallways. “Strawberry cheesecake, caramel chocolate chip cookie dough, and brownie fudge swirl.”

“Sounds good,” you said. “Did you try any yet?”

“What? No!” Steve laughed. “I waited for you. It’s tradition.”

“It’s also tradition for you to steal a scoop and pretend like I don’t notice,” you teased. Steve shrugged but didn’t attempt to fight the smile on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, sweets,” he said. “I would never set sail on my ocean of flavor without you.”

When the two of you got into the kitchen, you jumped up on the counter next to the freezer. Steve smiled and walked over to you, passing the freezer and focusing only on you. “What’s on your mind, sailor?” you teased, putting your arms over his shoulders so you could twist your fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck. Steve didn’t usually let people touch his hair, but he had a soft spot for you, so he let you do it.

And who was he kidding? He was like a puppy. He absolutely adored it.

“You look gorgeous tonight,” he said, putting his hands on your waist.

“Steve,” you said with a roll of your eyes. “I look gross. I’ve been in bed all day.”

“You have?” he said, sounding genuinely confused. And that was fair. You didn’t usually spend an entire day in bed. Usually you sat outside on your front porch with a book or went out to the store just to get out of the house. “Are you feeling okay?”

“‘M fine,” you said, moving your hands from Steve’s hair. You needed a subject change. “Alright, let’s try this ice cream!”

Steve obliged, grabbing his ice cream scoop and then reaching into a cabinet for some plastic spoons and paper cups. You were grateful he didn’t seem to notice your odd behavior.

But he did. Steve wasn’t as clueless as people thought, especially not when it came to you. He could tell something was wrong, and he had a hunch he knew what it was. When you were wearing your bright red lipstick (the one you only kept in your car), 99 out of 100 times, you were having one of your off days. Steve thought you were beautiful, but he knew you didn’t think the same. Some days it was easy to convince you to see your beauty. Other days it was harder.

Steve opened the freezer and dished out two scoops of each flavor into three bowls with one flavor in each bowl. He handed you a spoon and kept one for himself. “First up,” he said dramatically, “strawberry cheesecake.” You both took a spoonful, clinked your spoons together to cheers, and took your first bites of ice cream.

The routine continued for all three flavors until you decided on a favorite: the caramel chocolate chip cookie dough. You were both all smiles as you continued to eat your ice cream, sometimes feeding each other spoonfuls because you were just that adorable.

Steve started to throw everything away and clean up the rest of the back room, and you stared at your feet. “Hey Steve?” you said, looking up at him.

“Yeah?” he said, flashing you a sweet smile.

“Is there anything you don’t like about yourself?” you asked. “Like, about how you look.” Steve let out a low whistle and leaned his back against the table across from you.

“That’s a loaded question,” he said. “Why do you ask?” You just shrugged and stared down at your lap. “Well, I mean, of course I do.”

“You do?” you asked, looking up at him.

“Everyone does,” he said.

“But, like what?” you said in genuine disbelief. “You’re-” You cut yourself off and motioned to him. Steve laughed and ran his hand through his hair.

“Sometimes I don’t think I’m muscular enough,” he said. “I’m kinda scrawny. And I can’t grow facial hair very well. And I have a square head.”

“A square head?” you repeated, unable to hold back your giggle. “What are you talking about? You don’t have a square head.”

“Yes I do,” he said. He turned his head to different angles, trying to prove the fact to you. You just rolled your eyes and put your hands behind you, leaning back on your arms.

“You’re ridiculous,” you said.

“Why’re we even talking about this?” he asked, stepping closer to you. He opened your legs so he could stand between them.

“I don’t like my tummy,” you said. It was matter-of-fact. There was no reason to skirt around the edge with Steve. “It’s too pudgy. And my boobs and my ass suck because my weight just carries weird. I’m like-” You thought. “I’m like the Michelin Man. The Michelin Woman.”

Steve scoffed, “Who’s ridiculous now?”

“I’m not being ridiculous!” you said. “You know it’s true. Everyone knows it’s true. I’m a walking, talking marshmallow. You should just paint me white and make me sell tires.”

“Stop,” Steve said, furrowing his eyebrows. He put his hands on your waist, and you visibly cringed. You knew he was feeling your squishy sides. “(Y/N),” he said, putting his fingers under your chin and making you look up at him. You had been worrying your teeth into your lower lip to stop it from quivering. “You’re so beautiful,” he said. His voice was soft, but firm. “I love your body. Every part of it.”

“You don’t have to say that just because I’m whining,” you said, wiping a stray tear that had fallen down your cheek. “I didn’t mean to invite you to my pity party.”

“I’m not just saying that,” he said. “I could spend hours just holding you and touching you and kissing you.” You blushed and looked away from him again. He made you look at him. “I’m serious, (Y/N). I never get sick of your body.”

“You haven’t even seen all of my body,” you muttered. “I’m sure you’d find parts you didn’t like.”

“Have I ever given you the impression that I wouldn’t like what I saw?” he asked.

“You don’t know what I look like under all of this,” you said, motioning to your clothes. You had this aching feeling of shame in you, and nothing you were saying was making it go away.

“Jesus, I wish we weren’t having this conversation in Scoops fucking Ahoy,” Steve said, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I know that when I take off your clothes, there won’t be a supermodel underneath, but that’s not the point. 90 pounds, 100, 200, I don’t care. I love you because I think you’re beautiful, inside and out. And when I see you naked for the first time, it’s not going to change my mind.”

There were two things to note from Steve’s short speech.

The first was that he spoke in phrases of certainty. When I take your clothes off. When I see you naked. Not if. When. He wanted to, but more than that, he planned to.

The second was that he said I love you.

In seven months of dating, neither of you had ever uttered those words. Steve had a sketchy past with love, so he no longer tossed the word around lightly. You had never been in love before, and the idea of it scared you.

Yet there you both were: a sailor boy and his shy sweetheart. Inexplicably in love.

You hadn’t realized you were crying until you felt a tear slide down your nose. You wiped it away and sniffed. “You love me?” you said. Steve smiled and wiped some more tears from your cheeks.

“So much,” he said.

You didn’t ask him why, and you didn’t ask him if he was sure. That’s what people would expect you to do. Insecure girl needs proof that someone loves her. That was one stereotype you wouldn’t fulfill. Instead, you laced your fingers in his hair again and whispered, “Say it again.” Steve was happy to oblige.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” he said, “I love you.” You let out something that sounded just as much like a laugh as it did a sob and kissed your boyfriend. He smiled and kissed you back, welcoming your body into his open arms.

“I love you too,” you muttered, pulling away only slightly and only for a millisecond. “In case that wasn’t clear.”

“Mm, good to know,” Steve joked. “And I just want you to know-” He pulled back a bit and pressed his forehead against yours. “-if we weren’t in this god forsaken ice cream parlor, I would be stripping you of every piece of your clothing so I could properly worship every-” He stopped and kissed down your jaw. “-part-” His lips settled at your neck, sucking at a spot that made you grab a fistful or his hair. “-of your-” He bit softly on the spot, certainly leaving a mark you’d have trouble covering in the morning. “-body.”

“We-” You breathed in sharply as Steve kissed the base of your throat and to the other side of your neck. “We don’t really have to be in this god forsaken parlor anymore though, do we?” Steve grinned against your skin and shook his head no.

“Hmm,” he hummed, nipping at the new spot he made. “I guess we don't.”

You and Steve each got in your respective cars and drove to Steve’s house. His parents, as usual, weren’t home, so the two of you headed up to his bedroom, unafraid of getting caught. Your lips were pressed to each other’s as you fumbled to Steve’s room, bumping into walls as you turned corners. When you got into his room, you both made your way over to the bed.

You wanted to say you were excited and eager, but mostly you were nervous and hesitant. Maybe you weren’t ready for this. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Steve, and it wasn’t that you didn’t love Steve. It wasn’t even your insecurities eating at you again. It was just … you weren’t sure. You just didn’t feel ready.

Still, you owed it to Steve, you knew. For the past seven months, you had been holding out on him for various reasons and now, you invited yourself over to his house and wanted to bail on the intimate activity Steve was expecting? That wasn’t fair. You could make yourself ready.

You truly underestimated how good Steve was at reading you. Your kisses slowed, and the hand that was inching its way under your shirt stopped its movements. Steve pulled back and looked at you, an understanding smile on his face. “You’re not ready,” he said, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. He was almost completely hovering over you, literally about to take off his clothes, and you weren’t ready? What the hell was wrong with you?

“No, I am,” you said, trying to get yourself to believe it too. “I am.”

“Hey,” Steve said, lifting his hand to stroke your cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.” You covered your face with your hands in shame.

“I feel like I lead you on,” you whined. “All that stuff you said at Scoops, and-”

“Everything I said at Scoops will still be true tomorrow,” he said, pulling your hands away from your face, “and the next day, and next week, and next month. No matter how long it takes you, I’ll always mean what I said. I didn’t just say it to get in your pants tonight.” You couldn’t help but giggle, and Steve laid beside you, pulling you close to his chest.

“Why are you the nicest person in Hawkins?” you whispered, tracing the patterns of his Scoops uniform.

“Just in Hawkins?” he teased back. “Not the world? Not even Indiana?” You rolled your eyes with a smile and wrapped your arm around his waist. “Still, I feel like I shouldn’t be praised this much just for being a decent guy.”

“You’d be surprised how rare decent guys are,” you said back. Steve chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Wanna spend the night?” he asked. “I-” He stopped to clear his throat and scratch the back of his neck. “I bought you some pajamas. They’re in one of my drawers.” You looked up at him.

“You did?” you asked. You couldn’t fit into Steve’s clothes, so whenever you spent the night there, you had to bring your own pajamas along with your change of clothes for the next day. Steve nodded and stood up from the bed, still rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly -a tick he had when he was nervous. He opened his top dresser drawer and pulled out a jersey style nightgown -much like the one you usually brought to his house- and a pair of short black shorts. He handed them to you with an almost embarrassed look in his eyes.

“I hope that’s not weird,” he said. “I guess I, I just figured it’d be easier in case, you know, in case something like this ever happened where you didn’t plan on staying, but you did, and then-” Steve had been so busy rambling that he hadn’t even realized you stood up from the bed and walked over to him. You startled him by placing a kiss to his lips. He relaxed instantly and kissed you back, resting his hands on the small of your back.

“I love you,” you whispered when you pulled away. Steve smiled and brushed his nose against yours.

“I love you too.”

In a relationship, you didn’t need someone to tell you you weren’t fat, because you were, and that was okay. What you needed was someone who took your needs into consideration and made you feel safe, comfortable, and loved, no matter your own insecurities. There was no one who could do that for you quite like Steve Harrington.

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TAGLIST

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst #plus size reader #steve harrington x plus size reader #plus size!reader #steve harrington x plus size!reader #request

658 notes · View notes

wingsofkpop · 5 years

Text

Finding SKZ - 4: HH00

pairing(s): Hybrid!Bang Chan x Reader, Hybrid!SKZ x Reader

genre: Hybrid!AU, Dystopian!AU, heavy Angst, pinch of Fluff, eventual Smut

warning(s): Mature language, violence, blood and gore, possible triggering topics

word count: 6,4k

synopsis: After rescuing an abandoned hybrid from his fate of death, he has one other favor to ask of you. Not only do you have to find his eight other hybrid brothers, but you have to keep them safe from the deadly dangers of your city: Miroh

chapter directory

The cold air dissipates as you enter through the doors of your apartment building. You release a sigh at the change of temperature, adjusting the strap of your bag to lay more comfortably on your shoulder. Not really in the mood to strike up a conversation, you quickly dart past the evening security guard talking to one of your neighbors on your floor. Unfortunately, just as you were about to reach the elevator button, your name is called:

“Oh, (Y/N)!”

You curse under your breath, muster as best of a smile as you can and turn to face the elderly woman. A bright grin was across her wrinkled face, and for a second, her expression reminded you of a recent horror movie you saw. You can’t remember the name, but it did have some sort of demonic old lady that went around trying to eat her grandkids.

You hum, trying to distract yourself from the image in your head, “Hi, Ms. Friel. I was just-”

“-Sweetheart, how many times have I told you to just call me Paula?” Ms. Friel chuckles and shakes her head, “Ms. Friel was my mother. Bless her soul.”

Awkward.

“Right, sorry.” You take a quick peek at the clock mounted above the security guard’s desk. With a weak smile, you continue, “As much as I’d love to stay and chat, I-”

“-I just wanted to talk to you for a moment, dear. This won’t take long.”

You really wish you had it in you to deny her request, but you couldn’t. Curse your mother for raising you to respect the elderly.

You nod, “Of course. What is it?”

“Well, I just wanted to ask you if someone else has been staying in your apartment recently.” The older woman tilts her head to the side. Her icy stare pierces straight through you, almost as if she can see the dark secrets you’re keeping to yourself. “I’ve been hearing noises. Even when you’re away.”

You were afraid of this. Ms. Friel has always been all up in your business ever since the day you moved in. When you were still together, you had given your ex-boyfriend a key so he wouldn’t have to wait outside your apartment whenever your classes ran late. The first time he used it, Ms. Friel called the cops on him, when you specifically told her your boyfriend was allowed in your apartment. She claimed she thought he was a thief and was just looking out for you. You know she was actually looking out for herself though.

All the more reason not to tell her you’re currently housing three hybrids. With more coming.

You shrug, “It’s just my friend. His dorm is getting renovated so he’ll be staying with me until it’s done.”

Ms. Friel hums, “Oh, I see. Does he ever leave the apartment? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him leave.”

“You’ve probably just missed him the last few times,” You laugh awkwardly, nearly leaping in delight as the elevator doors open with a ding. A few others file out while you push your way in and feverishly press the button for your floor. You throw your neighbor one last smile, “Sorry, I have some work I really need to finish. It was good to see you.”

Thankfully, the doors close before she can reply and you’re free to sink back against the metal wall with a sigh of relief. You lift a hand to brush back your hair while simultaneously thanking the gods for saving you from that situation. The last thing you need is your neighbor to go snooping around your apartment and find something she’s not supposed to. You should still warn the boys though.

When the doors swoosh open again, you waste no time in making a mad dash for your apartment. Usually, the days where you have both class and work are bearable. But today just sucked. Your professor was in the worst mood so now you not only have your final next week, but you have to turn in a research project on a topic you barely know anything about. On top of that, two of your coworkers are sick, or “sick”, and your boss needs you to work a double shift both Saturday and Sunday which your workload really cannot afford right now.

Chan and you were also supposed to go hunting for Felix, who you may have a possible lead on. It’s not for sure though. It really surprising how many hybrids in Miroh are called Lee Felix.

As soon as you push open your apartment door, the aroma of something cooking has your mouth watering. You never got the chance to eat anything other than a granola bar this morning and a bag of pretzels during your lunch break, so you were pretty hungry. Whatever Chan was making really wasn’t helping the your stomach’s anger.

After taking off your coat and shoes, you wander into the living room where you find Woojin sat watching some movie on Netflix. He turns at your presence and a warm smile lifts to his lips, “Hi, (Y/N). I’m glad you’re home.”

At his kind words, the hardships of your day seem to melt away. You return his with a genuine smile of your own and answer, “Thank you, Woojin. Trust me, I am too.”

“Hard day?”

“A little. But it’s over now.” You allow your body to sink into the sofa with a sigh and lay your head on Woojin’s lap. The hybrid chuckles, his ears bouncing with his laughter, as he places a gentle hand on the top of your head. Your eyes flutter shut at the soothing touch. Exhaustion finally beginning to take its toll on you and you were truly tempted to surrender to it, but a familiar voice has your eyelids parting again:

“We missed you, you know.” Chan stands in the kitchen door with a soft smile across his face. Four mugs, likely filled with his special ramen recipe, were balanced on his muscular arms. The smell has your tummy rumbling again which the hybrid caught. He rushes over to where you’re laid down and offers one of the cups, “Here. I can tell you haven’t eaten all day.”

Your eyebrows furrow, “How do you-?”

“-Because I know you.”

An foreign silence arises in the space between you and the wolf hybrid. Shocked, you dumbly take the food and mutter a quick thanks, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight blush spreading across your cheeks. You sit up and begin to delve into the soup, the liquid slipping down your throat and settling in your aching stomach like a dream. Woojin also starts to eat while Chan calls for Seungmin, who emerges from the bedroom with your laptop in his hands along with a bright grin across his face.

“I think I found Hyunjin.” Your spoon clatters against the mug as you drop your utensil out of surprise. The older hybrids were no better with Chan staring wide-eyed at the youngster and Woojin trying not to choke on his mouthful of noodles. Chan shakes his head, “W-What do you mean?”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, “What do you think I mean? I found Hyunjin.”

“Like actually?” You ask, forgetting all about your appetite and setting the ramen aside. “What did you find?”

The three of you watch as Seungmin settles himself on the chair beside the couch and places the laptop on the coffee table in front of you and Woojin. He fiddles with the mouse pad, giving Chan the time to take the seat next to you, and turns the screen to face your direction.

The page was pulled up to an Instagram about some sort of hybrid entertainment program. There was only so much you could see, but you could tell this “show” was pretty popular. There were over one thousand followers following whatever this was. Then again, you didn’t like how shady some of the posts seemed.

Woojin speaks first, “I don’t understand. What is this? Why would these people have Hyunjin?”

You turn to Seungmin to receive an answer, only to find that his face had grown much more paler. Panic moves in the depths of your gut, and just when you were about to inquire about his silence, Chan beats you to it:

“I’ve seen this before. It’s a hybrid fighting ring.” Your panic shifts in nausea as you turn to peer at the hybrid with an incredulous look. He meets your gaze and nods toward the laptop, “Look at one of the videos.”

Balanced on the edge between curiosity and confusion, you do as Chan suggests and slide onto the floor to pull up the most recent video posted on the account. Almost immediately, shouts and cheers spills through the speakers of the computer and you almost debated turning down the volume. But your focus is snatched by the situation taking place in the video.

Horrified, you watch what seems to be a pitbull hybrid lunge for a bloody cat hybrid. He knocks him to the ground with a powerful leap and proceeds to lay punch after punch on his already marred face. The feline collapses to the ground, his face already beginning to swell after the violent attack. Victorious, the pitbull climbs to his feet and flashes the crowd a bloody smile and winning pose. The video tries to play again, but you’re quick to stop it again. Once was enough, maybe too much.

“Wow.” Woojin’s whisper awakens you from your trance, and you turn to see him with a faraway look on his face. Chan reaches over to place a gentle pat on the older hybrid’s shoulder before leaning over to put a comforting arm around his shoulder. Woojin shakes his head, “After the circus, I didn’t think it could get any worse…”

You try to overlook the stone forming in the back of your throat and instead turn to Seungmin, “So what about Hyunjin?”

Seungmin gulps, “W-well, he’s considered the “runt” of the ring…”

“What does that mean?”

“It means they use him for easy wins.” Chan sighs, still in the process of comforting his blank-faced brother. He glances at you with sad eyes and continues, “Basically a person who’s looking to make quick cash from a fight will put their hybrid against him, the weakest fighter, and is destined to win.”

“But that’s horrible,” You scoff, suddenly disgusted at the realization of why this Instagram is so popular. “This whole thing is horrible.”

“Humans are horrible.” Seungmin pipes up, but quickly waves a dismissive hand toward you, “All except you, noona, of course.”

Chan sends you a weak smile, “It’s like you said, (Y/N). Miroh is dangerous for hybrids. Always has been.”

And it always will be. “We should come up with a plan and get Hyunjin out of there as fast as possible, who knows what he’s been through at this point…” You trail off, gazing at the laptop screen with a sullen expression. First Chan, then Seungmin, then Woojin… How much worse could this get?

Seungmin chuckles, “Way ahead of you, noona.”

The beagle hybrid steals the device again to feverishly search for something else. After a couple seconds, he turns it back around and points to the screen, “They have a fight scheduled for this Friday at midnight. All we have to do is show up.”

Briefly skimming through the information, you shake your head, “Maybe, but we still need to figure out how we’re going to get Hyunjin out. Then again, our plan last time didn’t really go as planned.”

Ouch. Through the corner of your eye, you can see the guilt spread across Chan’s place. You felt ashamed for saying it, but even so, you’re not really wrong. This time, you need to be careful and have some sort of order of operations.

Hyunjin’s life depends on it.

~~*~~**~~*~~

“How much, again?”

“$50.” At the taxi driver’s answer, you pull out two twenties and a ten from your wallet and hand them over. Your driver accepts the money, types something onto his credit machine that prints out a receipt and hands it back to you. With a final goodbye, you join the two other hybrids outside the car.

Chan looks up from your phone, “Everything okay?”

You nod, “Yeah. All good.”

“Good.” The hybrid turns back to the device and speaks into it, “Seungmin, that’s your queue. Show us the way.”

After a lot of arguing, Woojin and Chan found it best that Seungmin remain back in your apartment for this mission. The beagle was less than happy with the decision and even went as far as trying to convince you to change his brothers’ minds, but Chan wouldn’t budge on this one. Though, after what happened last time, you really can’t blame him. Anything could happen. Anything dangerous, that is.

“Right,” Seungmin’s voice is a bit shaky over the line, meaning that your phone probably wasn’t getting the best signal. “You guys are gonna head straight down this street and make a left into an alleyway just before you pass the barber shop.”

“Thanks, Min. We’ll keep you on the line as long as we can. (Y/N)’s phone may lose signal.”

A sigh emerges over the call, “Don’t worry about me. Just find Hyunjin and bring him home.”

Woojin replies, “We will, no doubt. We’ll be back before you know it.”

“Sure, hyung. Be careful.”

And with that, Chan, Woojin and you make your way down the dim, barren street. The place where you’re hoping to find Hyunjin is quite literally, the worst part of Miroh you’ve ever stepped foot in. Rundown buildings on streets with very few lamps. Lewd and inappropriate graffiti plastered on every available surface. Shops with boarded up windows and indestructible, metal doors. Everything screams shady.

These parts of town are what people usually call “The Forgotten.” Basically, after WWIII, when these parts of the city were destroyed in bomb raids and warfare, the new government never invested any money into fixing them back up. Only unemployed, homeless and other unlucky individuals end up living in these parts. A lot of hybrids make their way here too from what you’ve seen in the news.

The three of you reach the alleyway in one piece where you spot the door you’re supposed to enter through. Unfortunately, your phone call with Seungmin doesn’t last the trip. With a sigh, Chan offers your device back which you accept and stuff into the pocket of your jeans. He nods and murmurs, “You guys remember the plan?”

“Yeah.” You hum and before you can bite your tongue, you reply, “Do you?”

Chan’s eyes glitter within the darkness, boring into your own with some sort of emotion you couldn’t read. It stays like that for a moment, just the two of you staring at each other before he ends the moment with a stiff nod, “Yes. I do.”

“Great. Let’s do this.” Woojin pushes past the both of you to take up the lead. You and Chan have to sprint to keep up with his quick pace, halting just when you reach the door. After making sure each of you were ready, the bear hybrid reaches forward and pushes open the obstacle. Instantly, your nostrils are hit with the scent of hard liquor and cigarette smoke. Scrunching your nose, you follow Woojin through the doorway, peering behind your shoulder to make sure Chan was on your tail. He was.

You piece together you guys had entered an abandoned car shop, judging by the vast open space and totaled vehicles. It was pitch black all except for some lights in the center where you could already catch a glimpse of some sort of iron cage. Dozens of people surrounded the structure, sipping from red cups and inhaling from cigars. Looks like the excitement hasn’t started just yet.

“Come to see the fight?”

You nearly jump at the new voice and barely stop yourself from colliding into Woojin. You step beside the male and discover the source of the question. It was some middle-aged man, maybe forty, with barely any hair atop his scalp and tobacco stains all across his teeth. His eyes were beady almost like a rat’s, and a shiver crawled down your spine when he rakes them down your body.

“Yeah. It’s our first time.” Woojin hums, nodding toward the makeshift arena. “Hasn’t started yet?”

“Nope. Have to give them some time to get the little freaks ready beforehand.” From the corner of your eye, you see the bear visibly tense. “And welcome. Allow me to buy y’all some drinks on the house. I’m thinking tequila for the pretty lady-”

“-And I’m thinking you can fuck off.” The sudden growl is followed by an arm around your waist. You peer up to see Chan sneering toward the man, his eyes narrowed with disgust, “Look at her like that again and I’ll throw you in the ring myself.”

The pervert takes the message loud and clear and quite literally makes a mad dash for the closest group. You shake your head, “Chan, that really wasn’t the smartest idea.”

He drops his limb from your body, his expression once again calm, and shakes his own head, “I wasn’t going to let him look and talk to you like you’re some piece of meat. You can’t smell his perverse intentions like I can.”

Instead of arguing further, you choose to let the moment go and make your way in the direction of the cage. The two hybrids follow closely behind you, and if it was the right time, you would have made a joke about having your own personal bodyguards. But to be honest, you were very grateful for it. Especially for what Chan did.

You just try not to think about the butterflies fluttering in your gut.

“Keep an eye out for the owner. She has to be around here somewhere.” Chan reminds both you and Woojin as you station yourself on the far-end of the ring where fewer people were. You nod and set out to do just that, scanning groups for any sign of a familiar face. You’re unable to find the woman you saw in pictures who is the supposed owner of the fight center, also fighters like Hyunjin. Yet, there’s still no luck when a bell sounds and a person enters the cage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for joining us today. We are well aware in how eager you are to get started.” The suggestive tone of the announcer's voice has your blood boiling and fists clenching at your sides. These people come here to get enjoyment out of watching hybrids beat the living shit out of each other. How sick has the world actually become? “As always, our night will consist of three rounds. The winner of the first round will go on to the next, and so on. Are you ready to have some fun?”

A round of cheers erupts throughout the garage and echoes in your ears like a haunted siren. The announcer throws his hands up and shouts, “Amazing! Let’s meet our first pairing of the night:

“Our newcomer is a doberman pinscher with claws and teeth like knives, weighing over two-hundred and twenty pounds! Welcome, the Destroyer!” You flinch as a burly hybrid darts around the arena to snap his teeth at you and everyone else through the metal chains. The people roar wild at his show, feet stamping and hands applauding in delight. Out of instinct, you move closer to Chan beside you who’s leaning onto the cage with one hand weaved through the chains. His eye catches yours.

This is not going to go well.

“And for his opponent, we have everyone’s favorite puny dalmatian hybrid weighing in just under one-hundred and thirty pounds! Everyone give it up for the Runt!” Though the volume isn’t as hefty, some still cheer as Hyunjin makes his way into the ring. Your stomach turns at how small he is compared to the Destroyer, his skinny figure nothing against the doberman’s muscles. His short, spotted ears were drawn backwards indicating his fear. Then again, you could tell how scared he was just by the look on his face.

Behind you, you hear Chan inhale a heavy gust of air. Without thinking, you reach and take his hand into your own, hoping to calm his obvious tension. His voice is pained when he murmurs, “They cropped his ears.”

“Guys, over there.” Woojin’s comment awakens the both of you from your reverie, and you’re quick to snatch your hand away from Chan’s. You follow where the bear is pointing, finding the woman you had been looking for earlier just across the ring. You move to head toward her when you’re stopped by Chan.

He gives you a pointed look before shaking his head, “After the fight, remember?”

“But Hyunjin-”

“-It has to be after, (Y/N). We have to watch him fight.”

He means watch him lose.

Even so, knowing the intensity of the situation, you relent and return your gaze to the ring. The announcer was rambling about rules and other things you barely cared about. You were more focused on the trembling dalmatian hybrid and how there was no good end to any of this. You could hope all you want, Hyunjin’s not leaving here unscathed.

“Three… Two…” With each number, the announcer steps back further and further away from the hybrids. Your anxiety grows at the clear line of charge the doberman has toward Hyunjin. One knock and he’s down.

“One!” At the screech of a bell, the Destroyer takes off toward Hyunjin. Horrified, you watch the dalmatian hybrid barely duck away in time for the other to zoom past. He dashes to the other side of the arena while his stronger opponent gathers his bearings. Hyunjin was safe for maybe a minute before the doberman is off again. Blood lust written all across his face.

Hyunjin isn’t as lucky this time. He manages to dodge a punch, but the other hybrid is smart and drags his other hand up to scratch at his arm. The gash immediately starts to bleed, blood spills down Hyunjin’s flesh and taints the ground red. Cradling his wounded limb, Hyunjin fails to see his opponent throw another punch and takes a hit right in the nose.

He falls back onto the ground with a sickening thud and a sharp cry. Your heart aches at his desperate attempt to flee in trying to back away from the approaching hybrid. The doberman only grabs his ankle and yanks him toward him. He picks the dalmatian up by his throat and tosses him against the caged boundary, only to trap him there. Unable to watch, you hide your face in Woojin’s shoulder, and shudder with every crack of skin against skin and bone against bone that reaches your ears.

You don’t look back until the announcer calls victory for the Destroyer. Tears brim at your eyelids at the sight of Hyunjin’s limp body against the cage, his face swollen and caked with blood. A couple younger boys emerge from the shadows to drag him out of the ring while the announcer announces the next opponent.

“C’mon, now’s our chance.” You almost forgot about your previous objective until Chan grabs your wrist and starts to drag you through the crowds, Woojin close behind. You reach the woman just in time for the bell to ring and the second round to start.

Her steel eyes gaze across the three of you with disinterest, lips pursing at the rather violent crack of bones that ensues. With a sigh, she hums, “Can I help you?”

“How much for the dalmatian hybrid?” In your previous plan, you weren’t supposed to be so blunt, but after seeing Hyunjin in such a manner, you couldn’t help it. The hybrid has had to endure this time and time again for god knows how long. You’d be damned if he stands it any longer.

The woman rolls her eyes, “He’s not for sale. If you want a dalmatian hybrid, just go to the fucking pet store.”

“We don’t want any dalmatian hybrid.” Woojin backs you up, crossing his arms over his chest. “We want him.”

“Well isn’t that too fucking bad, cause it ain’t happening. I suggest you quit wasting my time before I have my guys kick your asses out.”

Before she can walk away, you stop her with a hand on her arm, “Wait, please. Just hear us out-”

“-Sweetheart, I paid good money for that bastard only to find out he was a runt. He brings in easy pay, so like I said before, no deal.” Defeated, you allow the owner to escape your grip and recede into the cheering crowds. With her departure, the hopeful piece of your soul crumbles to dust. So much for the plan.

You sigh and run a hand through your hair. Angling your head, you peer at both hybrids. Woojin’s expression was contorted into disappointment and frustration while Chan was staring at the ruckus going on inside the arena. You didn’t like the intensity of his gaze. Something about it made your skin crawl.

The bear hybrid scoffs, “Great. What are we supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know.” You shake your head, “We have to find another way I guess. Maybe come back-”

“-No.” Chan’s sudden voice interrupts your own. Wide-eyed, you turn to the wolf hybrid only to find his eyes still on the cage. It seemed as if the Destroyer won the second round too, although he was a lot more bloody and marred than he was with Hyunjin. Chan sighs, the sound long and heavy, and meets your gaze, “I have a plan, but you’re not going to like it.”

“What do you mean?” Your eyes narrow, studying the way Chan shrinks beneath your stare. “Why am I not going to like it?”

“What if we could win Hyunjin somehow? Like as a prize?”

At first, confusion overtakes your mind at Chan’s strange words. You open your mouth to inquire further, but then your eyes transfer to the ring again. The realization hits you like a firm kick to the chest, and for a moment, you thought your heart had stopped. Feverishly, you shake your head, “Absolutely fucking not. It’s not happening.”

“(Y/N), please. Just consider-”

“-Consider what?” Winded and crazed, you throw your hands up and continue, “I am not throwing you in a fucking cage so you can get your ass beat. We find another way-”

“-And what if there is no other way!?” Chan cries, stepping closer to put his hands on your shoulders. “(Y/N), this might be the only chance we have at ever getting Hyunjin back…”

You wince as his words travel straight into the depths of your heart. Unable to meet his gaze, you look instead toward the Destroyer who’s hastily licking at a wound on his wrist. Your eyes linger over his sharp claws, bulging muscles and the fangs poking through his lips. When you speak, you will yourself to remain strong, but you can’t help the crack in your voice, “I can’t let you do this… He could kill you, Chan, you could fucking die... “

The hybrid cups your cheeks with both hands and forces your eyes to connect. With a weak smile, he chuckles, “I’m not dying on you anytime soon, (Y/N). That would be the worst decision on my part.”

You can’t reply,

“Listen to me,” He swipes his thumb over your cheekbone. His whisper is faint, loud enough for only your ears to listen in, “I know I can win this. I can get Hyunjin back. I just need you to trust me.”

Everything inside of your head was telling you to say no, to laugh in Chan’s face and call him an idiot for ever attempting. But the softer part of yourself was telling you the opposite. Beneath his brown-eyed gaze, you felt helpless, trapped in a war between your head and heart. Memories flash through your mind like sparks of fireworks: You see Woojin’s scarred palm in your rearview mirror. You see blood pooling on the floor like an ocean of waste. You see the stupid leash around Seungmin’s neck. Most importantly, you see Chan sat defenseless in that dark alleyway.

Before you can change your mind, you nod your head, “You better win.”

Chan smiles, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss on your forehead. He hums, “I will. For Hyunjin and for you.”

~~*~~**~~*~~

Surprisingly, Hyunjin’s owner actually agreed to your offer. If Chan wins against the Destroyer, she’ll hand the dalmatian hybrid over with no other questions. You didn’t like the spark of excitement that entered her eyes when you told her Chan was also a wolf hybrid. Or how she asked if Chan has ever been “aggressive” with you before. That didn’t sit well in your stomach.

“You okay?” You turn your gaze away from the cage at Woojin’s concern. He tilts his head, and if he hadn’t had his beanie on, his ears would be twitching too, “You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

“If anything goes wrong, then I probably will be.”

Woojin shakes his head, “(Y/N)-ah, Channie is going to win. There’s no doubt about it.”

While Woojin’s persistence somewhat eases the nausea stirring inside your stomach, it doesn’t make it falter entirely. It’s not like you didn’t have faith in him, because you certainly did, he’s strong, clever and agile. But you just can’t stand the guilt that if something bad happens, Chan’s life is on your conscience. You took him in that night so you’re responsible for anything bad that happens to him.

That’s all this feeling was… right?

“Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we have yet another surprise show for you all tonight.” Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, you watch the announcer as he walks around the ring. You try to ignore the sight of the Destroyer, seething with brutality and hunger. “An unexpected challenger has decided to test their luck against the Destroyer. We’ll see who comes out on top tonight.”

You debated covering your ears to avoid the loud applause, but force your hands to remain clasped into your lap. The announcer waits for the crowd to die down before continuing, “Our next opponent for the night is none other than a wolf hybrid, folks, weighing over one hundred and sixty pounds. Everyone, put your hands together for Bang Chan!”

Your heart picks up as Chan languidly steps into the ring. He was shirtless, the planes of his muscles apparent in the stage light. The combination of his tanned skin and blonde hair made him seem like a beacon - your beacon - of hope. He surveys the crowd outside the metal cage, stopping when his eyes connect with yours. He sends you one of his soft smiles and a wink. And you can’t help the upturn of your own lips.

You mouth for him to be careful. He nods, looks at you one last time then turns to his opponent.

The announcer shouts, “Count with me, folks! Three… two…

“One!” The bell shrieks like a banshee, the sound cutting into your ear drums. With your heart racing, you watch Chan and the Destroyer begin to circle one another. The doberman obviously knew this round wasn’t going to be as easy as his last few. You didn’t know if that knowledge gave you hope or fear.

All of a sudden, the doberman charges straight at Chan. You hold your breath as your companion dodges his attack and also trips him in the process. The other hybrid goes flying against the chainlink barrier face first, his body colliding with a rough clank. Your relief doesn’t last because he’s on his feet in less than three seconds.

Chan goes for him this time around, effectively picking him up and throwing him back against the cage. He lands a right and left hook on his face before delivering a couple hits to his stomach. The Destroyer groans in pain, clutching his torso. The wolf backs off and allows his opponent to catch his breath. He takes the time to look in your direction and send you another smile.

You almost do the same until movement out of the corner of your eye catches your attention. You gasp and scream, “Chan, behind you!”

It’s too late, the Destroyer takes the wolf by surprise and collides into his back. Chan attempts to regain control, but the doberman had his arms pinned to his sides, his knee driving blow after blow into his waist. Each strike sends an ache to your own chest. You weren’t the only one though, Woojin was anxiously chewing at his own lips too.

Chan manages to free himself and shove his opponent away. His stance was a lot shaky, but he deals a right hook with no trouble at all. The doberman stumbles, giving Chan just the right moment to charge himself.

Forcefully, Chan knocks both the other hybrid and himself to the ground. The two tustle for power over one another, rolling across the floor of the ring. To your disappointment (and sanity), the Destroyer gains the upper-hand, straddles the wolf and delivers one strike to the face after another. Similar to his final takedown of Hyunjin.

Screaming rings in your ears, and it took you a moment to realize it was your own. You were screaming for Chan - for your hybrid. You had never been so panicked in your life, the night at the circus never compared to this. Chan. His name was all that left your lips:

“Chan!”

Your calls somehow give Chan the strength he needs to turn the tables and flip the other hybrid so he was beneath him instead. He knocks out the doberman with not one, or two, but many, many punches. The fast pace in which his arm moved back and forth made you dizzy. You felt like you could faint, but it probably wasn’t for that reason.

The next few moments move by in a blur. The announcer pronounces Chan the winner of the night and the owner returns with an unsteady Hyunjin leaning on her shoulders. The younger hybrid quite literally launches himself into Woojin’s arms, sobs and cries and thank yous falling from his lips. You barely have time to relish the heartfelt reunion before Chan returns, frantic and wide-eyed.

“We have to go now.”

“What do you mean? Hyunjin-”

“The cops are here, (Y/N)!” Your excuse falls short on your tongue at Chan’s response. Your relief from before is stripped away like an adult takes candy from a child, and you almost forgot to breathe. “We have to go. Right now.”

Chan, with a firm grip on your wrist, leads you through the bustling and panicking crowds and into darkness. Woojin is not far behind with Hyunjin on his back. His pace grows quicker at the booming voices that echo through the garage, indicating that anyone who attempts to escape will be shot. Your heart beat picks up.

“Shit,” Chan hisses when the four of you reach the back wall of the building. You’d expect they have some sort of backdoor in places like these, but apparently not. Instead there was a single, broken window a couple feet above your heads. “Shit. We’re so fucked.”

“Not necessarily. Just climb up. Let me go first.” Woojin offers. Chan nods, waits for Woojin to transfer Hyunjin onto your shoulders and lifts his brother up to the escape. Woojin fits through easily, and after a few seconds calls for Chan to send Hyunjin.

You hand the dalmatian over. Through the corner of your eye, you notice the beam of flashlights flitting throughout the garage and whisper, “We need to hurry up. They’re starting to search the place.”

Chan doesn’t reply, but heaves Hyunjin up a lot faster than he did with Woojin. He falters though, obviously hurt from his fight earlier. You rush to help him and manage to get the younger hybrid out the window. Even so, the lights are a lot closer. You won’t have enough time for the both of you to fit through. Just one.

“Here. You go.”

Chan shakes his head, “Absolutely not. You first.”

“There’s no time for arguing. I’ll be right behind you.” The lie is bitter when it leaves your lips, but you know you have no other choice. Chan, knowing your time crisis, takes the bait and allows you to help him up to the window. Once you’re sure he’s able to get out of his own from there, you rip your hands away and murmur, “I’m sorry.”

If Chan called for you, you didn’t know because you were already taking off further into the darkness. You follow the back wall as much as you can, finding yourself among various totaled car and truck. Nonetheless, you could still see the lights slowly closing in. It was only a matter of time before the police find you and you’d be fucked.

But at least the boys are safe.

Just one you were about to give up hope, an arm suddenly yanks at your leg and tugs you beneath one of the cars. You try to scream, but a palm stops any noise from leaving your lips. The stranger hums a warning just as dozens of feet passed by where you’re hidden. You hold your breath, convinced they’d be able to hear the pounding of your heart and you’d be caught anyway. But somehow, there is a god.

The police fall away and all that’s left is you and your unknown savior. Only when they’re sure your captors wouldn’t return does the stranger remove their hand. You silently cough and scoot away from the figure, harshly whispering, “Who the hell are you? Why did you-?”

“-We’ll talk later. Right now, we have to get out of here.”

You can tell its a male from his deep voice. Just as he’s about to slide from your hiding spot, you grab his arm and yank him back, “No. Tell me who you are first.”

The stranger sighs and gives you a pointed look through the darkness, “I think you’ve been looking for me actually:

“The name’s Minho. Lee Minho.”

#stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids au #bang chan x reader #bang chan au #stray kids #bang chan #woojin #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #han #felix #seungmin #i.n.#kpop fanfic #kpop au

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hellomynudebrain · 5 years

Text

The shift

Hello!

This fanfic is to celebrate the twins Choi’s birthday. There will be two different stories to each twin, this one is a fluff stories ( I think) and the other would be a NSFW story with Saeyoung. like always the story turned a little longer than I expected ^^;

Thanx to @rossyele to help me clean my fanfic! You helped me a lot! :3

I hoped you enjoy it!

All by myself Don’t wanna be All by myself Anymore

“ I hate this song!” That’s what I said when I turned off the radio. “Hey! Don’t turn it off! I love that song and is Celine Dion, ‘mam! Besides, there’s still a customer on the dinner!”

The cook yelled from the kitchen and he was right, is was Celine Dion and there was a lonely guy on the corner of the dinner.

He was a redhead with a beige sweater and diamond pattern across his chest.

He was just there looking at the cup of cold coffee in front of him. I took his order a few hoursago. He came with a couple, also a redhead and a brunette girl. I supposed that he was his twin and the girl his mate. They laughed pretty loud, the other twin only observed them with an annoyed face. They took their time to eat and drink. At the end the couple left first leaving behind the poor guy. But he was so quiet that I hardly noticed him. I approached him slowly and with my “customer smile” I stood next to him.

“Do you need anything else, dear?”

He lifted his head a little towards where I was and hesitated to answer, “...I’m sorry. It’s closing time, right?”

“Yes, that’s right! But tell me why do you look so sad?”

“...Sorry, I don’t know you and I’m leaving anyway.” He took the money out of his pocket and left it next to the cup of coffee.

“Well, I’m here if you want to talk with someone!” I yelled while he walked away.

The next day I came early to my shift because my college is close to my work.

My shift was like always. Some customers being jerks, some of them want to touch my butt, bad tips and some offensive jokes about my work. But just an hour before closing time the same redhead came and entered the dinner and sat on the same spot. A coworker tried to take his order, but he asked specifically for me.

“Good evening. Welcome to Haneul Dinner. What can I get for you?”

“...A cup of american coffee, please.”

He didn’t see me on the eye and took a long pause before he asked me something else, “...and chocomint ice cream...I like the one from here”

I giggled at his response, he looked annoyed with my reaction and made a pout which made me giggle again.

“I’m sorry. That reaction was cute. I’ll bring your order right away.”

My remark only made him blush and I smirked.

I ended my shift like the day before with the stupid song from Celine Dion and the lonely guy on the corner of the dinner. It felt like a deja vú. I approached him like the night before, but this time the cup of coffee was empty and the ice cream was gone.

“Do you need anything else, dear?”

“No...Well, yes...no..but yes!...Damn it.”

“ Are you ok?” I looked at him concerced.

“Yes, I’m good... I just want...Can I wait for your shift to end and accompany you home?” His words surprised me but he looked so needy and lonely somehow that I couldn’t refuse him.

“Ok, I’ll clean my part and you can wait for me on the back of building.”

I cleaned really quick and with an excitement I forgot I had.

When I changed my uniform to my normal clothes and got out from my work the redhead guy was outside waiting for me. I walked until I faced him and looked at him closely. He was very thin, his eyes were a pretty mint green with huge under bags. He looked nervous but I decided to break the ice.

“So...What do you want?...Sorry, I accepted your invitation but I don’t know your name.”

“....Saeran”

“Saeran...that’s a pretty name! Well, Saeran, What do you want from me?” “Can we be friends, Caliope? ”

This guy has the ability to leave me astonished and the worst of it, he knew my name.

“I would like to be your friend, but can you call me Cali instead of Caliope, please?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you and act too familiar with you, but your name was written on your work badge.”

All of a sudden he began to bow and started to tremble. I didn’t like his reaction, it was like he was afraid of what I said to him… or me?

“No, no, no! You don’t have to apologize! You didn’t know that I hate my name and prefer that people call me Cali. It’s not your fault.”

“Really? You don’t hate me?”

“No, of course not! Besides, how can I be angry at my new friend?”

He smiled and both of us began to walk side by side. The air felt tense so I broke the ice once again.

“So...Why me? Why do you want to be my friend?”

“....Because… you didn’t treat my like a disease or pity me.”

“Well, to be honest I can’t do that. I’m a waitress and besides, you looked lonely.”

“I only look like myself...”

I didn’t want to offend him but a little giggle got out from my mouth which made him blush and pout a little bit.

“...What is so funny?” He sounded a little mad.

“Nothing, it’s just that I find you cute and funny!”

After that the walk was awkward, but nice...yes...I felt awkwardly nice somehow. Before we knew it we were in front of my home.

“Well, we are already here! This is my home!”

“Sorry, It was a bad idea...” He spoke with a trace of sadness.

How in the world did he change his mood so fast?

“Why do you feel sorry?”

“It’s only that I...I’m bored and you were sighing all the way here.”

“I was because you may not know this but all the time your face changed so much that it was funny and I didn’t want to giggle and make you angry.”

This time my words were the ones that surprised him and made his face as red as his hair. I laughed until my tummy hurt. He covered his face with a hand and began to talk.

“I’ll see you tomorrow on the dinner... Bye.” And he walked away.

“I found a cute funny fellow!” I said to myself.

The next few days he came to the dinner and ordered some ice cream and a cup of coffee andwaited for me after my shift was over. I rushed everyday to work only to take his order, clean and change my clothes to go as quickly as I could to his side.

Since that day our conversation turned to be more intimate.

He’s living with his stupid twin bother, his words not mine, and his wife. He likes chocomint ice cream and flowers, too; even though he said it was a secret that he keep from his brother.

He asked me some personal questions, too. But, definitely, my favorite moment with him was when it rained and we shared an umbrella. He was so red with the little touch of our shoulders,he was so shy that I smirked all the way.

One day I was late to my shift so I ran as fast as I could. I didn’t want to miss a single minute to talk with Saeran. But when I arrived he was already there with a girl.

This time he didn’t asked for me, a coworker took his order.

I watched all afternoon as he talked freely and noticed expressions on him that I never saw before. I felt a little sting on my heart.

Finally, when my shift was over and I got out my first thought was that he would be waiting for me, but he wasn’t.

The next days although, he was there, I didn’t take his order anymore and I left my work place by the front door, not the back. I was angry at him, but I didn’t know why.

The following days, he looked sad and went away before closing time. We ignored each other, until one day he never came back.

My lecture ended earlier but this time the excitement that I had before wasn’t there anymore,so I walked to work that day.I entered the dinner and I saw him again, sitting in another table.

My heart began to race really fast, but again, Saeran was with that girl. Unfortunately, I had to attend the table next to them and seeing them together really hurt, but like a pro I had to deal with it.

I took my notebook and walked to the table.

“Good afternoon. Welcome to Haneul Dinner. What can I get for you?”

“Hello, Caliope! I’d like to get your number~!

It wasn’t the first time that I had to deal with ’flirty customers’ so I didn’t notice the deathly gaze behind me.

I giggled and continued my job.

“Sorry, sir, but my number is not on the menu. May I bring you something to drink?”

“Come on Cali, babe! You can give us your number and come party with us!”

“I’m really sorry, sir. I can’t date with my dear customers, because it’s against the politics of the restaurant”

It’s wasn’t true, but the owner told all the personal when something like this happens we can use this excuse to politely deny them.

“Huh?...A tough one...then two the of house’s specialty and two cokes, Caliope, babe!” “Alright! I’ll be right back with your orders”

I just ignored that last word, took the order and smiled at them but in that instant I felt a hand on my butt. One of those guys touched my butt and laughed like it was funny or some game. I should’ve slapped him but I couldn’t do it. Once inside the kitchen, I screamed.

“That asshole! He touched my butt! This day is the worst! If I wouldn’t need this job, I would probably slap him”

At that moment, a really big noise broke my tantrum and the cook that loves Celine Dion screamed.

“Cali, the guy who always waits for you has made a ruckus outside!”

I rushed through the dinner and saw how Saeran was beating both guys.

“You touched her with you filthy hands! What gives you the right to even see her?”

“Calm down, we thought she was an easy girl, I mean, she’s a waitress!”

“How you dare?! Now, you’re going to know real hell!”

Saeran became a different person than when I saw him, he was like possessed. Even so I took courage and got between them.

“Saeran, stop it!”

“Those bastards have the nerve to touch you I can’t let them live.” Saeran, please.”

I hugged him he calmed down instantly and the other guys took the opportunity to run away.

I got him outside to talk, “...Saeran?...Are you okay?”

“No! They touched and looked at you with nasty intentions...How can I be okay?”

“Saeran, they molested me but I am used to this kind of behavior.”

“No!, You shouldn’t be used to it! That’s bad even I...”

“Even you what?”

“Nothing, I’ll just go away, you hate me anyway!”

“I don’t hate you, Saeran. In fact, I like you!”

In that moment I understood why I hated the idea of Saeran with another girl.

“Sure....If you like me, you shouldn’t stop talking to me and ignored me...so...bye”

I ran after him taking his hand. I panicked when I saw his gaze full of loneliness and anger so I kissed him on the lips. That moment froze for an instant.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have. You have a girlfriend waiting for you inside.”

His eyes opened surprised and I wasn’t the only one who panicked, he began to mumble.

“No! She is not my girlfriend, Cali! I used to be in love with her...but not now, besides she is my brother’s wife and...my brother is inside too....You can ask him if you want... She wanted to know who I was in love with so I brought her last time...she started to mess with me and...”

I got everything he said but seeing him so nervous was so cute. I giggled , he pouted like in the old times. This time was different because I gave him a little peck on the lips.

“Wait for me, my shift is almost over!”

He blushed and nodded.

The shift was over and he was there as thin as I remebered. I was so excited that I ran to kiss him. Little by little the kiss turned more passionate, my hand grabbed his hair to pull him on a deeper kiss...untill...

“Hey, love birds! Get a room!”

His bother yelled at us from his car.

#choi saeyoung #choi saeran #fanfic #fluff #mysme 707 #mysme saeran

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hana-haki · 6 years

Text

don’t listen to lies // mingyu fluff

I think I'm requesting too much from you ;;;; I was going to write by myself tonight but I let my emotions get the best of me... Could I get something that involves insecuirities? Like. Full on completely insecure. I feel so insecure rn... Yet I can never tell anyone because even when they compliment me it never helps ;;;;;; Thanks hatchling -🎧-

you aren’t requesting too much ! i love writing ahaha and i’ll jump at any chance to write. <3 <3 being insecure is never pleasant, for obvious reasons, and insecurity is always one of the hardest things in life to overcome. everyone has their insecurities, even me, and that doesn’t belittle yours. honestly, i’ve always believe that you have no physical flaws - aesthetics be damned. the little things that you hate about yourself are beautiful, juust like you ! mmm i’m not sure what kind of insecure you meant, so i decided to make it something most girls are incredibly insecure about, including me.i hope you feel better, dear xx i’m not sure which member you would like, so i’m going to do mingyu !

i sure hope i did this justice ahhh :(

genre : you’re insecure after some coworkers spewed bullshit to you, so mingyu decides to reassure you

word count : 821 words

warnings : insecurities

You poked around the bowl of food hesitantly, trying to ignore Mingyu’s eager staring.

“Try it, Y/N! I spent really long trying to make it good. I hope it’s good,” he trailed off, and you sighed internally as you grabbed your pair of chopsticks and dived into the noodles, try to supress the feeling of guilt bubbling at the bottom of your tummy, creeping up to your throat. With every mouthful you swallowed, Mingyu’s smile widened an inch, and you would have licked the whole bowl clean if you hadn’t remembered what your colleagues had said to you at work.

“You know, Y/N, no man’s going to want you if your thighs get any bigger ! I envy you so much ! You look like that but you have such a handsome boyfriend - better fix yourself before he stops loving you.Your face is so chubby, oh my. You must have been adorable as a child, I’m sure, but you’re an adult now. You need to take care of your weight,” an eldery female commented, her stickly thin arms moving around the air with as much gusto as an orchestral conductor. “I take these diet pills. I can eat whatever I want, and these pills help me vomit it all out,” another woman declared, waving her orange bottle full of her “miracle workers” around.

Mingyu’s chuckle brought you back. “How was it?” he smiled nervously, his fingers dancing a nervous tango on the table top. You beamed at him and nodded, and you noticed his shoulders lower in relief. “It was amazing,” you gushed, and he giggled. “I made more dishes!” he exclaimed, and your heart stopped in panic as you saw him walk to the stove.

“You should try to put makeup on. Or plastic surgery! I can recommend my surgeon to you, he works miracles,” the first woman suggested as the second squealed in agreement. You weren’t particulary open to changing yourself, but with the two ladies innocently giving you advice on how to appeal to people, you couldn’t help but think seriously about what they said.

You leapt up from your seat as you walked to him, guilt for both your diet and his feelings threatening to spill out. “Can we eat it tomorrow?” you bargained, and you cringed at how abrupt and demanding you sounded. Mingyu slowly faced you, a frown knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. “Don’t you like it?” He sounded upset, and you made sure to tread gently.

“I loved it, baby, I just don’t know if I should eat,” you mumbled, and Mingyu let out a sigh. “What’s that even supposed to mean? I don’t know if that’s an insult or compliment -was it so bad that you can’t bear to eat it anymore or is it good enough that you want to save the food for tomorrow?” he mumbled to himself, and you gently cut him off.

“Mingyu, I don’t think it’s a good idea if I keep eating. I mean, I’ll just gain more weight and it’ll go to my face and thighs and tummy, and these ladies at work told me that if I ate any more you wouldn’t love me anymore and-“ “They said what?” he growled, and you cut off your voice immediately.

“Don’t listen to lies. Your appearance has absolutely nothing to do with the way people you love perceive you. If someone judges you based on your appearance, chances are that they’re horrible people ! This is so cheesy, but it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Like a fridge. Or an apartment. Home, you know? I’ve seen you looking at yourself in the mirror a million times before, and you look so sad, and I couldn’t figure out why. You’re so beautiful,” he sputtered, and you sighed.

“Do you remember when I first saw you?” he smirked cheekily and you rolled your eyes, bracing yourself for the cheesiest speech in your entire life. “Kim Mingyu, don’t you dare-“

“I was walking to the cafeteria at Pledis and I saw you sitting alone at a table, waiting for someone. I stared into your eyes and stopped dead in my tracks… and I spilled food all over myself because I tripped over my own feet when our eyes met,” he reminisced dramatically, and you smacked his arm. “You’re such a dork, you know that? So dramatic and cheesy and wonderful,” you smiled, and he poked your cheeks.

“In all seriousness, I hope you know that I think you’re beautiful, both inside and out. You’re kind and patient, and willing to help out someone in need. You think about others more than yourself, and you’re so selfess that it’s kinda stupid. What people say or think doesn’t define you - whatever you think doesn’t define you, either. It’s what you do. It’s how you act. You’re an amazing person, okay? Don’t ever forget that. Don’t listen to lies."

#mingyu fluff #kim mingyu #mingyu #insecure #seventeen #seventeen thick #gyu #seventeen imagines #gyu fluff #puppygyu #modelgyu #svt

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latinkilledtheromans · 6 years

Text

The Saga of the HelloFresh Box

Okay, so a while back, my friend @rolodextra was like “oh hey I’ve got a coupon code for half off two boxes from HelloFresh, you want it?” And I’m like, yeah, sure, I’m lazy, I hate having to come up with food for the week, hit me up.

So I placed the order for the first box, and it’s supposed to arrive on Saturday. I actually happened to wake up on time on Saturday for once instead of sleeping until noon, so I was awake when the delivery guy came.

So I heard a knock on the door and went right away and opened it. And as soon as I looked outside, I saw this sad, soggy box. Like ... it looked wet on the bottom, and it was starting to cave in on itself.

That was setting off serious alarm bells in my head.

I dragged the box inside and opened it up right away. It was ... room temperature inside the box. To call it cool would be generous. I took all the vegetables out and put them in the fridge, and then got down to the bottom of the box, which has a double layer of freezer packs with the meat/seafood layered in between.

The freezer packs were completely melted (and the condensation had made the box wet and soggy, soaking through the layer of insulation). I did not trust any of the protein, since I didn’t know how long it had been not cold, so I ended up getting rid of it, and buying all new protein from the grocery store.

I contacted HelloFresh to let them know that I had issues with my box, and they were very courteous, responded right away, and gave me a credit for a full free box.

I decided to order the second box, and was kinda upset when I got an email from Paypal! Saying that they had been charged for my HelloFresh box! So they got an email from me being like, hey what’s up? This was supposed to be free.

Well, apparently promos are used before credits. So since I still had one box of the original “half off two boxes” promo left, they used that and charged me half price, instead of using the credit for a free box (or using a promo and half the credit and saving half the credit for later? I don’t understand). Well, they were able to refund the charge and use the credit instead, so we got that figured out.

But by this point, I was starting to get frustrated with HelloFresh. I was pretty sure I was going to cancel once I got this second (free!) box.

On Friday, September 7th, I got an email that my HelloFresh box was on its way. It was scheduled to be delivered on Saturday. I immediately decided to track the package cause I’m an impatient little goblin. Imagine my surprise when the tracking info said that it would be delivered on Tuesday, September 11th.

So ... tracking isn’t always right, right? So I waited, hoping that it would be delivered on time. It wasn’t.

Now, remember: when delivered on time, my box arrived soggy and melted and I couldn’t eat any of the meat. So how would it be if it was another three days late?

According to the USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service website, fresh fish can be kept in the fridge for 1-2 days. Ground beef can be kept for 1-2 days. And chicken or turkey can be kept for 1-2 days.

My box contains salmon, ground beef, and chicken breasts.

According to the tracking info on the FedEx website, the shipping info about my box was sent to FedEx on Wednesday at about 6am. That’s when they knew they were going to be sending a box out.

FedEx picked up my box at midnight on Thursday (aka, Wednesday night). So this box has been packed since Wednesday. At this point, even if it had arrived on Saturday, it really would have been pushing the limit for food safety guidelines. A point to consider for anyone looking at any meal delivery service. Freeze the proteins you aren’t going to eat right away!

Well, my box didn’t arrive on Saturday, did it? No, it’s supposed to arrive on Tuesday! No one in their right mind is going to eat those! It’s going to be a festering cesspool of foodborne pathogens just waiting to get into my delicate tummy! My tummy gets upset if I even look at pictures of food I’m not touching this nonsense!

So Tuesday morning rolls around. And I get an email that my box has been delivered to my apartment. It’s at my front door! It’s 9:30 in the morning.

That’s great. Except for the fact that both of my coworkers were out sick so I couldn’t leave the office at all and I had to stay at work until 5:00. If I could have, I would have run home and checked the box right away. But I couldn’t.

My husband makes it home before me. I get a text: “Did you stop by the apartment today?”

“No. Why? Is there no box?”

There was no box.

So when I got home and confirmed that indeed, there was no box at our door, or at any of our neighbors (you never know), or at our back door (you can’t even drive up to it, but YOU NEVER KNOW), and confirmed with the tracking that the box “was delivered” several times, I called FedEx, where I was cheerfully informed that my box had been delivered.

I told them that I definitely don’t have it, so ??? and they agreed to open a claim for me to look into where my box is.

Side note: a couple of months ago, I had ordered some wedding favors, and the USPS told me that the box had been delivered and swore up and down it was delivered and they’ve got GPS tracking on all the boxes so they know it was dropped off, and basically accused me of lying to them, only to finally decide that it must have been stolen and send me off to go get a refund from Amazon and reorder these favors. Then the box got suddenly delivered a week later.

So I’m not the most trusting when someone tells me that a box “was definitely delivered to your front door.”

So we have a couple of options here. Either FedEx is lying to me, and they lost my package or for whatever reason decided not to deliver it.

OR they did truthfully, successfully deliver my box on Tuesday, only to have someone in my apartment complex see a HelloFresh box and decide to steal it.

Now. If you stole a box from HelloFresh from someone. And you opened it up. And this box is melted. It’s got fish and meat that’s been sitting at room temperature for a week. (Uh, I live in the South, trucks will get hot, that shit might be fucking cooked by now.) It’s going to be rancid and nasty as fuck.

What do you do? Would you just throw it out? Try to salvage the potatoes? That’s what I was planning on doing.

Like, what do I have to do to find out where my box is?

On a related note, I will be cancelling my HelloFresh account. I’m just waiting to hear back from them about my last email that I sent this morning.

Also, a friend gave me a coupon code for Plated, so we’ll see how that goes.

#HelloFresh

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notyobabygirl · 3 years

Note

Hey so I’ve gained like 20 pounds during quarantine (I’ve always had slightly thicker thighs butt boobs and a small tummy regardless) anyways my boss called me and my coworker “fat bitches” and then yelled at my co workers for standing up to her saying that she only wanted me doing the job hinting that she can control/use me since I have anxiety and always try to do what she asks. Those comments really hurt my feelings and she said them all behind my back (to my face she says she loves me and I’m the best) so I can’t confront her since my coworkers would get in trouble and I don’t want that.. it just made me sad and I wanted to vent thanks girly :(

oh no Im so sorry about that. I wish people understood that making comments like even if they are joking, it still can get to a person. thats why I say never joke around about calling someone fat or how they look or what they eat. quarantine affected so many people when it comes to weight gain, I know I gained weight!!! and thats okay. we are in a freaking pandemic and its making us stressed and feel different emotions like a rollercoaster. if it really starts getting to it and she continues to say stuff like that then you shouldn't stay in a toxic workplace that makes you feel like this. love you so so much you are beautiful!!

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lilparcheesie · 7 years

Text

I got ze tagged

Last: 1. Drink: water

2. Phone call: Jacob (my coworker) needed to find his phone

3. Text message: “Your face matches Natalie’s backpack” - @reallifeshitpost 4. Song you listened to: Lustration//Circa Survive before this or Buried a Lie//Senses Fail during this 5. Time you cried: A yesterday!! I saw sting rays (which are super cute) and was already having a really bad day, so I just cried because Nick putting them up on the board made me so happy I cried.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Yes sadly

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: y e s lol its the worst 8. Been cheated on: :’) 9. Lost someone special: Too many and I’m scared of losing more.. 10. Been depressed: I don’t know… honestly, I workout so often that even if I was I would have no idea because I have so much dopamine in me that I’m always w i r e d. But if I was depressed, or had any mental illness, it would most likely be PTSD or anxiety. Probably from childhood abuse. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Never, actually.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. Teal, Coral, Light Gray… I have so many though

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes! So many!! I’m so lucky!!!

16. Fallen out of love: Honestly? No. I think I never really fall out of love. I just grow negative feelings that consume those lovelier ones. Ya know?

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes! So many times! For hours!

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah, but I try to remember the times where people talk behind my back about loving me much. That’s all I care about

19. Met someone who changed you: Yes, she’s keeping me alive in my struggles. He’s making it possible for me to live comfortably. I’m lucky.

20. Found out who your friends are: I love friendship. A lot of people have negative connotations around friendships, and how fast they’ll leave or betray them. If I feel like I’m just waiting to get stabbed, abandoned, or offended, I’ll never really enjoy them. And even if I get hurt, it’s a learning process. I just like to keep people around who are enjoyable company. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I kiss people, yeah. I love kisses. It’s one of my favorite parts of being with someone. They make me feel good. But, I don’t kiss anyone unless I am sure they have feelings for me and vice versa.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Like.. all of them? I didn’t add any onliners, heck?

23. Do you have any pets: Yeahh! Two dogs, a boxer named Sammy and a English Silky Terrior named Binky.

24. Do you want to change your name: Legally? sometimes. Sometimes I don’t. It’s confusing sometimes.

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: It was on Thanksgiving so it was forgotten by everyone I was with, but that’s okay. Thanksgiving is important here.

26. What time did you wake up: 6:42.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I think I was woken up to get somebody into their room.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: The sweet release of death Transferring schools 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: In person? Almost 7 weeks ago. In photo? My friend Mick was with her yesterday.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: That I had financial stability… Less of a crazy upbringing… Met some people earlier in my life. 31. Listening right now: Escape the Fate radio on Spotify. My students talking about robots (aka my class). 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah! Thomas works with me. I’ve met others, but that is the most recent Thomas.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The fact that I am not getting better as much as I’d like and my body when it’s in pain and failing i honestly hate failing

34. Most visited website: uuuuh… www.tumblr.com??? uh… www.thepunchlineismachismo.com ???

35. Mole/s: I have none. I think it’s fine.

36. Mark/s: I have some stretch marks and scarring all over my body

37. Childhood dream: Theatre star, athlete, engineer, tinkerer… I had all the dreams

38. Hair color: Brunette/Auburn

39. Long or short hair: It’s medium length now! Used to be down past my butt but all that changed when the fire nation attacked and I cut my hair super short for rowing

40. Do you have a crush on someone: I do… it’s pretty bad. I’d like to give them my heart as an offering but they like.. basically have all rights to me and I want to do everthing in my power to make them happy

41. What do you like about yourself: My open mindedness or empathetic approach towards others. Lack of subtlety. My heart (my crush says I have resilience and I think that’s good)

42. Piercings: My ears

43. Blood type: Not really sure?

44. Nickname: Jughead, Toe, Tori, Sumner

45. Relationship status: I’m not sure but I’m only emotionally and physically invested in one person

46. Zodiac: Sagittarius, watch out bitches

47. Pronouns: She/Her

48. Favorite TV Show: Supernatural? Avatar TLAB? Too many.

49. Tattoos: Possibly sometimes

50. Right or left hand: left

51. Surgery: A bunch

52. Hair dyed in different color: Yeah

53. Sport: I played literally every sport growing up because my mom wanted me to lose weight and not be so useless

55. Dream Vacation: Somewhere with stingrays

56. Pair of trainers: Nikes atm. But I love converse

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: pussy & dick Vegetables are nice

58. Drinking: water but if I’m spoiling myself, tea or vanilla coke

59. I’m about to: Go to lunch and refresh

61. Waiting for: the day i feel satisfied with my efforts

62. Want: All my grades to be A+, financial stability, someone to take care of me, more music, fresh fruit and veggies, a nice bath using herbal soaps and lots of bubbles. For someone to love me for who I actually am, not just some concept they made up that left out all the bad things..

63. Get married: Probably. I mean. That’s the goal.

64. Career: I wanted to be an engineer but I’m thinking about focusing more on robotics or design careers… so… robotic things seem neat.. idk…

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Kiss me all over, please

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes… or lips… i don’t know theyre all cute

67. Shorter or taller: Taller

68. Older or younger: Not too far from my age, older though(?)

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms? I dunno I actually super appreciate cute arms.. but.. if a tummy is soft enough it might win me over.

71. Sensitive or loud: Definitely sensitive.. I don’t like loud things unless it’s music

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationships are always better because wow they’re so much fun

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: It’s hard to say?? Uh.. I mean I like the caution that comes with being hesitant but the daringness that comes with being a troublemaker? I’d probably stay on the safe side and be hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: No

75. Drank hard liquor: No

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: One time I had a contact rip in four while it was in my eye… I was so sad.

77. Turned someone down: Yes

78. Sex on the first date: Nah 79. Broken someone’s heart: Not intentionally…

80. Had your heart broken: Yeah…

81. Been arrested: Nope!

82. Cried when someone died: Not really. I get sad when I find out people die, but I internalize it a lot. It’s just a natural thing. Like.. all their love.. gone… and i feel it takes love away from me.

83. Fallen for a friend: A few. One recently.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Yes

85. Miracles: Somewhat

86. Love at first sight: Kinda

87. Santa Claus: Not anymore 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure if it goes well but I’m not going to rush things if it isn’t meant to be you know

OTHER: 90. Current best friend(s) name: Cait, Yoll, Nick, Joe (the PA), Natalie

91. Eye color: Hazel? Blue-Green? I don’t know.

92. Favorite movie: Big Fish (Tim Burton)

Tagging: anyone who wants to do this kinda thing really

#i hope everyone is doing well

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