#like i'm paying too much money to be a procrastinator but

[stxrvel]

gym time

summary: you didn't expect to meet someone like Bucky Barnes when you decided to enter the gym, especially since his looks and words were anything but friendly.

pairing: au!bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +1k

warning: uhm, descriptions of bucky working out? some bad words. also i suck at summaries but what i was trying to say is that bucky is very suggestive here, and there will be suggestive conversations iykwim. this chapter doesn't contain too much of that but still minors do not interact!!!!

note: hi guys! um, i dont know what to say. being honest idk why i wrote this when i dont know if i'll ever be able to continue it, i think it was for the joy or fun in it and maybe trying to test new things? i kind of wrote the draft for a second part but i dont think i want this one to be a series, i wanted to see it like a drabble but i got carried away and now there are too many words. but what i do know now is that i will be pleased to write drabbles in a scenario like this, like in this universe or au. if you guys liked this (which i hope so) would you mind sending me what would you like to see next? only time will tell how good i'm doing but i hope i can at least entertain you a little. anyway, looking forward to your opinions and i really hope you like this one! since it's my first time writing in this kind of genre :'(

You were at the gym. It had been barely a week since you had started with the goal of creating a routine in your life, because work was consuming you from the inside out. Coming home no longer felt like it used to, when you still had the fever of being independent and being able to get yourself everything you wanted. Adult life really was a mud puddle compared to what we always thought as kids.

So… yeah, you decided to join the gym closest to your apartment to try to change your bad procrastination habits a bit. Maybe now that you were paying for it with your own money you'd feel more like going, just for the sake of not making the money go to waste. But, hey, it was something.

During that week everything had been relatively fine. You hadn't had any problems with anyone, no awkward comments and you had gotten some workout partners to take turns lifting weights or running on the treadmills with at the same time.

It was honestly becoming your favorite place to be after work.

And, well, of course, there was him.

The man you shared end-to-end glances with at the gym. He never came close, always kept his space, unless he had to use some machine near where you were.

He looked like a decent man… and definitely sexy. But you didn't dare get close even though it seemed to be the only thing the two of you wanted to do. The furtive glances weren't even accidental anymore, you both sought each other out through the masses of air as if it was second nature to you. And that upset you too much because it hadn't been too many days, how could you feel so passionate and heated just sharing glances with a stranger? Within what you didn't know there might be something you didn't like, even.

Anyway, you had to avert your gaze each time before it became too much, but it always seemed like it wasn't enough for the people around you not to notice.

“Why don't you just go talk to him?” Veronica spoke in front of you, waiting for Erika to leave the press to start her series.

You were on the treadmill finishing your routine that day and that man was on the other side of the gym, lifting weights like they were nothing. You had watched him for so long without embarrassment that you had almost memorized every line of his massive arms. And your partners that day had definitely noticed.

“I don't think it's appropriate,” was all you could think of.

Erika snorted, lowering her legs as she put down the weights. “She's afraid the sexual tension surrounding them will suffocate her.”

“Erika!” you scowled at her. “Stop talking nonsense.”

“I'm of the same opinion as Veronica, you should just go talk to him. If it turns out his personality isn't as sexy as his body, you're not going to lose anything and you're going to gain a lot.”

Veronica, who had already settled into the press after Erika cleaned the chair, nodded animatedly at her partner's words.

You turned your head to look at him again, just as his strong hands released the weight that bounced to the floor. You saw him shake his arms slightly and move his shoulders in circles, releasing the tension a little at a time. Even in the distance you could make out as if he were right beside you the line of his veins running around his arms and the-

“Look at her, she's drooling already.”

You clicked your tongue and Erika only shared a chuckle with Veronica. You decided to focus solely on getting the treadmill over with quickly so you could get through that day.

-

You came out of the shower with an incredible freshness dancing in your body. In the bathrooms the atmosphere was always a little cooler than in the center of the gym, so the time after the bath was one of your favorites. Veronica and Erika had already left, they had said goodbye before you entered the shower. They always left at seven o'clock at night, but you preferred to stay a little longer and enjoy the showers you paid for because you didn't have much to do at home when you got there.

With the towel over your right shoulder you walked towards the lockers to get your training bag and other belongings. You thought for a moment about leaving a few things from your bag since there would be a zumba class early tomorrow morning and maybe you were getting a little interested in going, when you heard some footsteps close to where you were.

There shouldn't have been too many people left in the gym at that time because closing time was at 8:00 p.m., so someone else must have gotten out of the shower to get their belongings just like you.

You decided to leave a few things in the locker for the next day's class, encouraging you a little more to leave the house a little earlier. Anyway, you knew Veronica would be there so you wouldn't be alone.

You pulled out the bag with the things you were going to take with you and closed the locker. You turned around to leave, when you finally realized who else had come in after you.

It was him. It was that man.

You had never met him in the evenings. He always left before seven o'clock so you never had the chance to meet him alone until that moment, when you stopped dead in front of him, your sneakers grinding against the floor as if you had braked violently at fifty kilometers per hour.

Your locker was all the way in the left corner of that room and it looked like his was a few spaces away from yours in the same direction, closer to the door.

His gaze lifted in your direction at the sound of your shoes and you had to squeeze your bag strap tightly over your shoulder, eating your embarrassment fiercely.

“Hey,” he spoke first and his voice was nothing like you had imagined.

It was incredibly better. His baritone tone, somewhat raspy and light, sounded like he didn't have a care in the world. The way he slightly curved his lips sent an electric sensation throughout your body. He had given you that smile before, but at that proximity it was a whole new experience. It seemed like your body began to vibrate on another frequency.

“How did you like the gym?”

“Uh?”

The man turned back to you, closing his locker almost at the same time and leaning his shoulder against it in the most smooth way you'd ever seen, handling his body with a confidence that almost made you feel intimidated.

“You're new here, aren't you?”

“Ah, yes,” you nodded slightly, again feeling that embarrassment make its way from your throat. “I've really liked the gym, I've felt very comfortable thankfully. And the monthly plans are very good, affordable.”

The man nodded attentively at your words, as you tried to keep your composure under his sharp gaze.

“I'm Bucky,” he suddenly introduced himself, stepping a little closer to where you stood.

“I'm Y/N,” you kept your voice steady as you raised your hand to meet his that had just extended in front of you at a safe distance. “A pleasure.”

“The pleasure's all mine,” Bucky gave your hand a good shake, causing things in your body that you were too embarrassed to admit. You didn't know if your cheeks could get flushed, but at that moment you felt like they looked cartoonish, vibrant red and hot. “And I'm glad to hear you're comfortable. I do my best to make my clients happy.”

“Oh…?”

Even though you felt spellbound under the piercing fierceness of those blue eyes, your ears were still working enough to allow your head to process what you'd heard.

“You're the owner?”

Bucky nodded and you wanted to hide your head in a hole for a moment.

So you'd been eye-fucking the owner of the gym? Hell, now that you thought about it more clearly, it could even be that this man was older than you, much older.

Oh no, the things you had to go through for not being a little more prudent. Good thing that embarrassing moment would only be in your head.

“And now that you know, you can drop any complaints or recommendations directly to me, if you want.”

You let out a short laugh, trying to cut through the awkwardness you felt inside as you realized the situation you were in.

“Sure, yeah, anything I need to tell you I'll do it personally.”

“Also if you want me to change something… give you something or do something, you can tell me.”

“Sure,” you nodded quickly, starting to move around him to get closer to the exit. Bucky wouldn't take his eyes off you. “Now I know I'm counting on you for anything…. From the gym, that is.”

Your awkward laugh died under his intense but amused gaze. Was he enjoying it?

“And you can talk to me, if you want too,” Bucky continued speaking as you completely surrounded him and now found yourself in the position he had been before, “not just watching me from afar.”

You were sure the blood had left your face by this time. Your level of embarrassment had gone over the edge and in that instant you didn't know how to do anything but look at him as if he had caught you in the middle of a crime. You tightened the strap of your bag while holding your breath as you noticed him moving a little closer towards you.

“It's not that it bothers me, don't go thinking that. It's just that… I'd like to get to know you a little more if that's possible.”

“Uhm…” you mumbled with a dry mouth, the reflection of the light in his blue eyes much clearer against the short distance between the two of you. You passed saliva with difficulty, shaking your head to answer him, “Yeah, sure. I'd like to know you too.”

You watched out of the corner of your eye as he nodded at your words, not making a move to get any closer. If that five-foot distance alone already felt like you were suffocating, you didn't want to imagine what it would be like to have him standing to the side or behind you explaining how to do some exercise even though you already knew how to do them all…

Shit.

“See you then, doll.”

He walked around you, walking away from that conversation and that tension like it was nothing, like a bomb hadn't just exploded in front of you. You couldn't even say anything goodbye to him, you didn't know in that instant how to move your mouth.

For a moment you felt so foolish for allowing yourself to show yourself in such a vulnerable way in front of a man… but, at the same time, so much had happened since the last time you had actively flirted with one of them (even though what you had done at that moment had been spitting words). You'd barely had a taste to remember what the adrenaline, excitement and anticipation of having a truly fun night was like… that you didn't plan on letting go.

Bucky had thrown you that rope and you were sure you were going to take it.

-

a/n: thank you for reading!! <3

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky x you #stxrvel talks #bucky fluff #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x y/n #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #winter soldier #bucky barnes x you

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Wasted 9

Warnings: drug dealing/use, violence, noncon, and the usual. Proceed with caution.

(Yes I'm procrastinating rn)

Feedback is always welcome. Love you and thanks for the wonderful responses so far.♥♥♥♥

The other girl in this one is from Black Light

Part of The Club AU

You sit behind the glass and yawn in the deathly din of the transit office. You lazily scroll a finger over your phone. The brief rush has dissipated so now you're free to read old forums about the cult classic show you've been bingeing.

Despite your hours being cut, every shift feels too long. The time is dull as most people buy their passes online or get tickets at a kiosk in the mall. So you work is minimal and the pay even less. Not to mention, your patience.

You lean your chin in your hand and press your finger to your lashes, trying to keep the old mascara from stinging your eyes. The chirp of the sensor has you sitting up and you nearly bite your tongue as you try to greet the customer. Not him!

“Closed,” you lie and reach for the metal gate above, struggling to clasp onto the handle.

“Hours say–”

“Get the fuck out, dude,” you snarl and hop, rolling down the grate and slamming it into place.

You swear as it hits your phone, knocking it through the small slot under the glass partition, locking it out and you in. You lock the bottom, not caring about the burner. Fuck it, you only ever text Snicky.

“Come on, doll,” Bucky stops by your phone, bending to pick it up, “how many of these you lost so far?”

He wiggles the phone at you, am eighty dollar Polaroid piece of shit.

“Leave me alone.”

“Ah, what's happened to customer service these days?” He tuts and comes closer, shoulder broad and rolling. “Look, I'm not here for me, right?” He tucks your phone in his jacket pocket, “my friend, Steve, the string bean, he likes you.”

“I don't fucking know you. Or him. And I don't wanna know you–”

“You don't? Cause I think I got to know you pretty well–”

“Fucking ass–”

“Let's not keep going through this, alright? Now, I've been pretty damn nice. Do you know how much you can learn from a phone? I know you're about thirty-seven dollars in overdraft and your Instagram keeps popping up with pictures of that dumb girl that hangs off you.”

“How, I–”

“Locked me out? You think,” he taps on the glass on the other side of the gate, “what if I made you a deal?”

“I'm not into the hard stuff,” you scoff.

“Didn't seem to mind it,” he winks, “maybe coulda gone for something lighter…”

“What do you want?” You bark.

“Alright, alright, like I said, it's not me,” he smirks, his gaze creeping up and down your figure. “My friend, he's got no luck with the girls. Told me you stood up for him. That's sweet despite… being you.”

“So you wanna be my pimp? Oh, fuck off–”

“A date. That's it.” His hand tightens in his pocket, gripping your phone. “Humour him. He's been moping about you all week.”

“Yeah right, I'm not stupid–”

“You won't see me. Really, I got plans. Saturday's are good for business, not worth the cut.”

Your nostrils flare. You want to be done with it, him, that club, and all the losers who hang out there. You bite down and cross your arms, glaring at him.

“How about… three hundred?” He offers. “Up front.”

He shifts and pulls the phone out of his pocket. He sets it before the slot in the window then reaches into his back pocket. He takes out his wallet and counts several bills.

“He'll pay for dinner. He's the old fashioned type, you know? Just wear something sexy.”

You scowl, furrowing your nose as your mouth dries. You can't believe you're even considering this. Are you that low?

Well, hes offering as much as you get in a week and the last chunk of your rent. So yes, you are.

“Saturday?” You ask crisply.

“Seven,” he slides the money and phone against the bottom of the gate, “I'll send you the time and place.”

“If I even hear your name–”

“Relax,” he backs up, “I got mine. Just take it easy on my pal.” He smirks and uns his thumb along his bottom lip, “he's a virgin.”

“You're nasty.”

“Oh I know I'm just your type but he's better for you,” he chuckles and turns, stalking to the door, “and if you don't show, I'll be back to collect and trust,” he pauses, “I always get what I'm owed.”

The door swings shut and you stare after him. Slowly you look down and unlock the gate. You push it up and reach for the phone and the bills. The skinny one can’t cause you that much trouble, can he?

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the club #au #drabble #series #wasted #mcu #marvel #winter soldier #captain america #avengers

[yellowbunnydreams]

Mechanised Devotion (Part 8) ~Steve Raglan/William Afton x Female Reader~

~I am staying up stupid late to write more for the big-man fan-club and I have ZERO regrets. Except maybe that paper I'm procrastinating on. I'll be making a masterlist soon so there won't be so much clutter on these posts linking to all the parts. Also, changed the title so that there was more clarity for people picking out this story~

Word count so far (all parts:) 14,593

Tag List!: @ruh--roh-raggy @likoplays

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

CW: Minors DNI, (18+ ONLY), Female Reader, afab reader, legal age gap (Reader- 20's, William - 40's), mention of crimes and violence, blood, mentions of child death (it's FNAF, what did you expect?), past trauma; abusive relationships. Trophy taking, panty stealing (never thought I'd write that), William being a perv, masturbation, voyeurism if you squint?

The weekend had been long and somehow all too quick after Steve dropped you back at your house. Handing you an envelope with your pay check in cash, apologising that it had taken so long to get to you, but there had been some delays since he had reported the Spring Bonnie animatronic supposedly moving and the owner needed to investigate. The pay check came with some elegant handwriting that apologised for the inconvenience, but that you should be made aware that the animatronic might possibly roam around still. Precautions would be taken to try and assure your safety however.

You scoffed as you read it, and put it down on your bedside table as you thumbed through the cash, eyes widening as you counted. There was almost two hundred dollars more than you expected, and you felt as if you were going to faint as you realised that the money was probably compensation of some sort. Silence money about what had happened at the restaurant.

Smiling to yourself, you wondered if you should treat Steve to a meal like he had done for you when you got the job. Thinking that that would be a nice thing for him. You touched the top of your head, patting it slowly as if trying to get the same feeling from where had patted your head so affectionately but your smaller, lighter hands couldn't replicate it.

Steve had handed you your uniform back as well, seeming sheepish as he apologised, it seemed that his old dryer had taken your delicates and eaten them, or possibly slipped in-between the drum and the motor in the back, which would basically mean that they were more than likely shredded up at that point. You'd laughed about it, telling him not to worry about it, it wasn't like it was your only pair after all. Raglan had laughed with you, despite the fact that as he spoke, he knew exactly where they were. They were in a little box on his bedside drawer, your name attached to a little tag tied carefully onto the cotton fabric. The date they had been 'collected' too. He wanted something of yours to recall that initial assault vividly with. A shudder had passed through his body as he wondered how many he could possibly take from you. How many firsts of yours would he end up being if you continued to feed his dark desires by being so naive about the intentions of the old killer.

It was with a great reluctance that you had pulled on thick work trousers and a blouse, the Freddy's jacket over the top as you got ready to go back to work. Steve had almost begged you to keep going, the owner clearly liked you enough to investigate the complaint, and having received a lot more money than you anticipated, you felt some obligation that you needed to return to Freddy's and continue being a good employee.

The walk felt longer than usual, but you supposed that they last time you had walked it, you had feared for your life. Tonight was slightly different to the last time you walked there, as a cop car pulled up and flickered the lights for a moment, forcing you to pause and wait to speak to the officer.

The tinted window rolled down and revealed a young woman who didn't look too much older than yourself. Her blonde hair pulled back in a severe ponytail and her grey eyes tired with bags beneath them despite the warm and friendly smile she gave you.

"Well I apologise ma'am, but you were speeding." She joked, making you laugh as you realised it was probably more a friendly check in than anything else. Relaxing slightly, you shrugged your shoulders and held up your hands in mock surrender.

"Sorry officer, I'll walk slower and more depressed next time." Watching as the cop cracked a smile before nodding over to the passenger side of the car.

"You work at Freddy's right, jump on in. I was heading there actually, it's on my rounds and I wanted to check in."

At the thought of not having to walk the rest of the way, you eagerly climbed into the car, clicking your seatbelt into place and allowing the cop to drive off towards the pizzeria. Glad you were out of dying sunlight and able to save your legs, especially since you would have to carry two bags back with you. A small pack with a toolkit inside it as you decided you were also going to take your own security precautions against the violent bunny.

"Hey, what happened to the back of your head? You're all bandaged up." The woman besides her frowned, glancing at you and staring as you reached up and touched the bandages on the back of your head. You were luckily mostly healed after a weekend of rest, but you felt self-conscious about it still.

"Oh it was um..an accident at work, don't worry, I promise I'm fine." You smiled reassuringly, adjusting your hair to try and hide the bandages a little better. Feeling your cheeks burning in shame as the woman made a non-committal hum before turning her attention back to the road.

The drive was mercifully short and you couldn't escape the car fast enough, hoping that the drive was informal introduction to the local law, but your stomach sank slightly as you watched the woman climb out too and lock up her car. Gesturing for you to lead the way in, she seemed confident as she moved through the hallways, knowing exactly where she was headed, which you supposed that she would considering she said Freddy's was part of her rounds.

"Have you seen them yet?" The blonde asked, making you raise and eyebrow quizzically and shrug your shoulders, that cold feeling in your stomach growing as she spoke vaguely.

"If you mean the guys on stage, yeah, you could say that." You sighed, heading into the office and feeling a little surprised as you noticed your possessions that you left in a neat pile on the desk, organised in a meticulous pile and your bag sat on your chair compared to the dusty flood where you had left it fleeing.

"The 'guys'." The blonde laughed, shaking her head and leaning against the desk as you flipped the breaker. Watching the monitors as you always did to see them power on, glad to see the camera that was down was also fixed whilst you were away. "wow, did your mom not take you to Freddy's growing up?"

"I'm not from here, so no, I had never heard of it until I got this job." You answer slightly curtly, anxious to see if the animatronics would move. Wondering if you would have to deal with a freaking out cop who was armed as well as things like Foxy deciding to try clawing down your door again. Pulling out a piece of paper and some crayons that you kept in the drawer, you began to doodle, making the woman raise a curious eyebrow.

"I'm Vanessa, by the way." You paused your movements and answered her with your own name, receiving a nod of acknowledgement from Vanessa as you continued drawing.

"So, what on Earth are you doing doodling on the job?" She asked, wondering what your answer was, recognising a crude picture of the animatronics, what she recognised as you and a crude picture of herself too. All with smiles and holding hands together. On another piece of paper, you drew another Foxy and a sad looking security guard, making sure to give Foxy red eyes and an open mouth with lots of sharp teeth.

"You'll see, potentially." You answered, looking up at the monitors and noticing that Freddy had decided to move from his spot on stage. Soon hearing the familiar 'thunk' of his footsteps and watching as he came into view of your door. Pausing quizzically outside with his ears wiggling, seeming surprised that your door was open and that there was another person inside.

Holding up the drawing of all of them, you showed it to Freddy, who seemed to look at it intensely before raising his eyebrows and doing his silent laugh and ear-wiggles. A sign you had interpreted as the animatronic being happy with some relief.

"You...You know about them?" Vanessa asked, looking shocked towards you, paling slightly as she glanced between you and Freddy in the doorway, leaving it your turn to frown suspiciously at the cop and cross your arms across your chest.

"And so do you by the sounds of it." Raising an eyebrow and trying not to crack a smile as you noticed the bear from the corner of your eye mimicking your expression somewhat.

"Uh... Yeah, I um.. I've known for a while, most people just...leave...when they find out about this though."

"Apart from Foxy and that creepy fucking rabbit, I've not really had any issues." You explain, shrugging your shoulders and taking a seat back at the desk, chewing at your lip as Freddy decided to wander back into the restaurant, seemingly content that you had company for the night.

"Bonnie is not that creepy." Vanessa said, scuffing her shoe across the floor, looking out down the hall and glancing up at one of the hidden cameras she knew her father had installed to keep an eye on the place.

"No, that spring Bonnie thing, the yellow one? Creepy as hell and a violent shit too." You laughed bitterly, reminding you to reach into your bag and take out your tool kit as well as some thick grating that you had picked up from a supply store.

Vanessa froze as you mentioned the yellow rabbit, her heart beating quickly in her chest and stomach sinking as she glanced over your injuries once more. The fading pattern of bruises across your throat making her feel sick to her stomach as she realised that it was all too familiar to her. And the fact you had a small scar across your cheek, she guessed it came from a blade, taking a deep breath and trying to steel her own nerves as she realised you had met her father.

At least, you had been convinced it was an animatronic, and not a person inside the suit.

"I'm surprised that thing still moves." She laughed nervously, biting her lip as she watched you working before she stood up, slapping her thighs and making you jump as you attempted to fit the new vent cover. "Hey, I got other places to check, but it was nice meeting you, stay safe you hear me?"

You smiled at her, and watched as she dug into her pocket, pulling out a business card with her number on it, handing it over and smiling with something like nerves making her eyes betray her concern for you.

"How about we meet in a few days, I can try to get you some more info on this place and you can possibly give you some tips?"

"Sure, that sounds nice Vanessa." You said, a little surprised at the offer, but accepting, watching the woman leave your office and heading towards the front doors your had both entered by. Shaking your head as you continued with your work after she had gone.

~~

Raglan had taken out the box from his nightstand as he watched the cameras on his laptop again, listening to your conversation with Vanessa with a frown. But he knew that his daughter had enough braincells left in her head to realise betraying him wasn't a great idea, smirking as he thought of you falling further into his tangle of lies and deceit. His fingers brushed over the box and he opened it cautiously, thick calloused fingers brushing against the delicate fabric that made up the panties he had taken as a little trophy, taking them out of the box, he couldn't held as his thumb ran over the thin fabric that would have laid against your sex. Feeling himself twitching in his pants with groan as he tried to imagine if you were wet for him as his fingers had wrapped around your throat.

He pawed at himself slowly, trying to get some relief from his rapidly hardening cock as he thought about how you had cried for him on the Friday night. Called his pretend name like some whispered prayer and fell asleep against him, oblivious to the knife being played with above your head.

The delicious way you had tried to fight against your own body as he drew that very same knife up the inside of you leg. How you had trembled like a scared little thing as your mouth hung open uselessly, a silent scream as he had felt his own heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He gripped himself through his slacks and stroked slowly, savouring the shivers that went through his body and biting his lip to stifle a growl. Steve could only imagine how pretty you would look choking on him, tears in your eyes and fighting to breathe around him. Maybe he would be kind to you and grip your shaking body close as he explored all the marks and scars he could imagine inflicting on your practically unblemished skin.

Growling frustratedly, he squeezed himself before reluctantly removing his hand and feeling himself throbbing hungrily. Glancing at the screen where he watched you taking a seat at your desk and throwing your head over the back-rest, making him hiss in delight as he ached to have his fingers back around your throat.

As much as he wanted to continue the fantasy in his head, he looked at his trophy longingly before running his lips over the fabric, imagining how you would flinch away from his hot breath. Or maybe how your soft thighs would squeeze around his head and let him listen to your racing pulse in your femoral artery, how easy it would be to turn and bite, letting the warmth spill across his sheets.

The throbbing in his slacks made him groan as if in pain, shakily putting back the delicate prize and letting the faint smell of you linger against him, focusing on the screen again to watch you through your shift. Licking him his lips as he let his hand wander across his groin again, breathing a little ragged as his fingers twitched around him despite the fabric separating him from his own skin. Still refusing to give in to the promise of release.

Steve Raglan was a patient man after all. And the thought of waiting in anticipation to ruin such a sweet thing made the wait all the more bittersweet for himself.

#fnaf movie #fnaf x reader #springtrap #springtrap x reader #steve raglan #steve raglan x reader #william afton #william afton smut #william afton x reader #william afton x you

[hesawifebeaterdanusethegun]

Okay so I decided on a name and this is the final version of the story. Part 1 and 2 are pretty much the same as they were, but it felt weird to post part 3 without posting 1 and 2 first so I'm just starting all over.

The Scientific Method

Part One

Part Two

She looked down at the crumpled newspaper want ad in her right hand, an umbrella clutched in her left. It had been raining since Saturday, it was now Monday and showed no signs of stopping.

Help wanted – receptionist/personal assistant

Pay negotiable

 Inquire at 1106 South East Drive, 3rd floor

A sparse ad to be sure, but the only one she’d found advertising a job she thought she’d be able to do, and it was close to home. Pocketing the ad, she took a deep breath and reassured herself before heading through the lofty art deco lobby to the elevator. The metallic gold elevator cage blended perfectly with the décor and shone dully in the dim greenish light of the cavernous room. She noticed all this while procrastinating her entry to said elevator.

“Third floor, please,” she told the operator. He nodded, closing the gate with a loud clunk. He pulled a lever, and the car began to rise shakily. She half hoped the elevator would never make it to the third floor. She tried not to think about how badly she needed to land this job. Her last job hadn’t worked out too well, she’d worked as a waitress at a local restaurant, and the customers (and her boss for that matter) could be a bit forward in their dealings with the female staff.

The elevator door slid open shakily and she stepped out, trying to hide how nervous she was. She was in a long, sterile hallway, at one end of which, just past a line of uncomfortable-looking low-backed chairs was a large desk, presumably the desk the aforementioned and as-yet-to-be-hired receptionist would occupy. She wasn’t sure what would be expected of her as a personal assistant, but she hoped she could handle it.

She looked left and right, seeing a door on the other end of the hall, just adjacent to another door set into the wall and wondered which to try first when she heard the sound of uneven steps through the door facing the length of the hallway. She approached the door hesitantly.

Whatever this man was like, if he offered her the job, she had no choice but to take it. She’d accumulated quite a bit of debt trying to keep her head above water, even while she was working as a waitress, she never seemed to make enough to break even, let alone put money away for a rainy day. So she took out private loans to make ends meet. Now that money was due, and she was desperate to come up with it.

Dr. Daniel P. Schreber, read the frosted window set into the light-colored wooden door. She knocked.

The door opened partway at her knock; it hadn’t been latched. It led to a large circular room that seemed to double as lab space and personal office. A large, polished hardwood table sat on the right side of the room, covered in papers, scientific equipment, and various bric-a-brac. It seemed to serve as a desk of sorts.

At the back of the room was a line of full to bursting bookshelves haphazardly organized, atop which various glass tubes and beakers rested. At the center of the room was a large round maze, she assumed built for some sort of small animal. She’d read of some experiments like that before.

The left side of the room was home to a large hutch made of wood and chicken wire, a man standing in front of it with his back turned. He turned at the sound of the door.

He was a little taller than she was, with short blond hair parted neatly in the middle. He wore small round wire rimmed glasses and a white lab coat buttoned up to the collar. He was gently petting the small white rat he held in his hands.

“Can I help you?” he asked, not unkindly.

“Yes, I’m here about the receptionist ad in the paper? I hope I got the right floor.”

“Oh, of course.” He gently returned the rat to its hutch. As he approached, she noticed he had a limp, heavily favoring his right side, and he had a prominent scar over his right eye.

“Daniel Schreber, pleasure to meet you.” He shook her hand. His grip was much stronger than she would have expected. Realizing she’d taken a beat too long to respond, she mentally shook herself, not letting her anxiety get the better of her.

“I’m Katherine, nice to meet you, too.” She smiled, hoping she looked less nervous than she felt.

“Perhaps we should conduct this interview someplace more comfortable.” He spoke in a strange cadence, seeming to often be out of breath, she assumed an effect of whatever injuries had resulted in his scar and pronounced limp.

She nodded as he gestured toward the door as if to say, “after you,” though she wasn’t sure exactly where they were going. They stepped out of the lab/office together into the sparsely lit hallway beyond. He turned to lock the door before leading her to an unlabeled door in the hallway to the right of the lab. He then proceeded to unlock this door and held it for her.

He noticed her looking at the key in the lock and smiled sheepishly.

“I’m afraid I was a victim of a break-in years ago and it’s made me a bit more fastidious when it comes to security,” he explained.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” she said, genuine feeling for the man’s misfortune evident in her voice. This didn’t escape his notice, very few things did. Her empathy for a complete stranger was touching and somewhat endearing.

He’d already made up his mind to hire her, he was as desperate as she was to fill the position, it had been weeks since he posted that want ad in the Gazette, and every applicant had turned down the job, not that there were many to begin with.

He knew he could be off putting, what with his appearance, his speech, even the way he moved, but he hoped this one would take the job anyway. She seemed not to notice or care about his limp or the way he spoke, and seemed completely unfazed by his scars. He found it refreshing and liked her immediately.

He led her into a small room, richly decorated with dark polished wood paneling and soft lighting. The only furniture in the room were two red upholstered chairs and a plush leather couch.

“You’ll have to excuse me for using this room, this is where I see my patients, but it’s also the most comfortable room in the office.” He smiled thinly, the left side of his mouth turning up farther than the right, his crooked smile transformed into more of a smirk. She thought about him being hurt during the break-in he’d mentioned and a fresh wave of feeling for the man swept over her. She’d always been too sensitive for her own good when it came to others, often at the expense of her own well-being.

“Please have a seat,” he said as he took one of the upholstered chairs for himself. She sat in the other across from it, fidgeting with the hem of her blouse for a moment before stopping herself.

“Before we go any further, I want to be honest with you Katherine, this job is yours if you want it. Somehow, I haven’t had the best of luck filling this position,” he smiled awkwardly if a bit sadly. “I can pay you a decent salary, but I keep late office hours. I hope that’s alright.”

She tried not to show the great relief she felt. The job was hers if she wanted it. And it sounded like it might actually pay enough to get her out of the hole she’d dug herself financially. This was better than she could have hoped for.

Some details of the job were discussed, and after another handshake she was on her way home with a job to report to tomorrow and the understanding that she may be expected to act as more of an assistant than receptionist in the future, for additional pay of course. As she left the building, she noticed the rain had stopped.

Part Two

#sci fi #my writing #dark city #doctor daniel schreber #kiefer sutherland #kieferposting #the scientific method

[izicodes]

do you have any advice for someone who kinda "failed" to break into tech and is still in the medium-level for learning. i feel like i've spent so much time (years) on this but haven't made much progress. how do i really get into it and stay in it? love your blog btw. i'm tempted to start one of my own but my projects are a mess and ugly 😭

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you haven't made much progress in breaking into tech. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is different, and it's never too late to start or improve. But then again, you have spent years learning and you want to into the tech industry.

The obvious advice would be don't give up. My dad has been studying to get into Cybersecurity since the early 90s and he just got into the industry this year. He never gave up - family to look after and he could study like the other students in his university course because the large majority of them were single 18-22-year-olds who their only responsibility is themselves. Don't give up and don't compare yourself to other people.

You've got to look at what has been holding you back. Health issues, work issues, money? Can't study full-time or even part-time if you need to pay the bills.

Even if you can, are you consistent with your studying? We all know consistency is key. Studying for one week but don't study for 2-3 weeks won't work. I know the type of learner I am - if I don't code or study every day, even just for 30 minutes, then my tendency to procrastinate will increase a lot and it'll all go downhill from there.

Know your strength - build on the skills you are good at. Believe it or not, I know a developer I met in a discord server who only uses HTML, CSS, and JavaScript to build websites and webpage themes for clients as a freelancer and he's doing really well. It's because he realised that he's really good at those three basic languages and he worked really hard to excel at them. Expand on what you know best.

On the flip side, you could look at job postings around where you live or nationally in your country and see what skills/languages/technologies they ask for the most for hiring developers. Example: I live in the UK and a couple of months ago when I was actively looking for a new Frontend Dev job, I saw that Vue.js, React.js, and PHP (besides the usual HTML, CSS, and JavaScript) were asked for the most. If I wanted those jobs, I would learn those technologies, create a few projects to showcase my knowledge in them, and start applying. That could be one way to break into the industry.

Another way would be certificated. Bootcamps, online courses, or in-person courses like university or community colleges. Yes, they say that you don't always need a university degree to get into tech but some kind of education you've gone through that is tech-related e.g. Google courses or the Frontend Dev course that Meta is providing (paid). My colleague completed a computer science degree but he then did a bootcamp and he completed and that's how he landed the job where I work. So even graduates are getting further education. If you can't afford the massive fees, Udemy is a great place to get courses. And don't be shy with the Havard CS50 course videos they have on YouTube - free and you get a certificate free as well!

The advice I give might not work if you haven't identified why after all these years you haven't gotten your foot into the tech industry. This is no way intended to be rude, but if another person who had the same amount of time you studied, and they have gotten a tech job in that time, what makes you different? Goes back to what I said about the things that are holding you back. Some of the reasons are inevitable like health but you need to keep making that effort!

If you need help, you need to ask. Find a mentor or support group. Having someone to guide and encourage you can be incredibly helpful. Look for a mentor or join a support group where you can connect with others who are also learning and growing in tech. You can search for them online, some people offer advice for CV/Resume help or real "getting into tech" advice on places like Fiverr or Upwork or just google for some consultants online. They would cost obviously but if you're really struggling, this might help. After completing bootcamps, they tend to help you get your first job etc so they might be worth considering!

The last bit of advice is do you have a portfolio? No no, like a proper one where you feel confident enough to give to family members, friends, and potential employers? No? Either learn to build one (free of charge) or hire someone to build it for you (costs money) A portfolio is a great way to showcase your skills and projects to potential employers. Even if your projects feel messy or ugly, focus on highlighting what you learned and what you accomplished.

Obviously, I gave hints of advice more towards Frontend Dev because that's what I know more of but you can alter the advice to whatever niche in programming you're into. Remember, breaking into any field takes time and effort. Stay motivated and focused on your goals, and don't be afraid to reach out for help or support when you need it. Good luck!

** I'm not the best at giving advice but I hope this helps 💗

#my asks #programming #coding #studying #progblr #codeblr #studyblr #comp sci #tech industry #coding advice #motivation #study motivation #study help #programmer #computer science #tech advice #career #career advice

[dawnrider]

Hi doll! I’m sending you these asks now for your 20 yr tomorrow.

Happy 20 Years Dawn! That’s so exciting! 💕You ready for some questions, because I wanna know so much.

1. What is your favorite story you’ve written? (It doesn’t have to be completed or even posted, just one that stands out for you.)

2. Do you have any projects coming up for this next year that you’re excited about?

3. Would you rather become a famous writer, being able to make money for doing something you love, or keep writing as a hobby for the rest of your life, but still really enjoying it?

4. What made you start writing in the first place?

5. Do anybody in your life outside of tumblr/fanfiction/ao3 know you write? What was their response/how do they feel about it now?

6. Is there anything you’d like to learn? (Could be a hobby, a new technique in your writing, a skill for work, improvement for something you already do,etc.)

7. What is something most people don’t know about you?

8. If you could write one paragraph (3-5 sentences) to describe your life, your experiences, your personality, who you are, what would it say?

9. Any advice for people who write/create, new beginners or experienced ones?

10. What is a goal you wish to accomplish this next year in regard to writing?

Well hi @heynikkiyousofine! Here goes!

1. What is your favorite story you’ve written? (It doesn’t have to be completed or even posted, just one that stands out for you.)

I think it's a toss up between To Sleep Perchance to Dream, How Does Your Garden Grow, and Given. They're all pretty different, but they all try to characterize our favorite idiots as close to canon as I could get them.

2. Do you have any projects coming up for this next year that you’re excited about?

I'm always tinkering, puttering, procrastinating. I'm excited to finish up Garden, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later. And Possibly Your Lying Smile, if the stars align properly. And of course, always excited for @inuparentsday in January!

3. Would you rather become a famous writer, being able to make money for doing something you love, or keep writing as a hobby for the rest of your life, but still really enjoying it?

That's a hard one. If I could still love it as much as I do and make money from it? I think that's a no brainer. But obviously the reality is a lot different. Writing doesn't pay the bills, especially not right away. So I can dream about it, but I think it will always just be a hobby, and that's ok.

4. What made you start writing in the first place?

I used to write silly stuff as a kid. Like 10/12 years old. I always wanted more story than what I read. So I made more. I started fanfiction in college though. I was inspired, was often alone, and had the free time between classes and while working overnights in my dorm.

5. Do anybody in your life outside of tumblr/fanfiction/ao3 know you write? What was their response/how do they feel about it now?

Just a neighbor friend, and now my best friend. Obviously Mister does too. My neighbor is an editor, so I asked for her help with the chapter Fundamental from Bushel and a Peck. I wanted an outside perspective and she was willing to help. My best friend I just recently told and she was very happy for me. She was amazed that I'd kept it secret for so long, but also impressed that I had done something for so long.

Mister is... He's not always that supportive. But it is what it is.

6. Is there anything you’d like to learn? (Could be a hobby, a new technique in your writing, a skill for work, improvement for something you already do, etc.)

I always dream about being able to do art. I can admit that I just don't have the patience to keep at it. I'm one of those people that doesn't stick with something if I think I suck at it. I do dabble with handwriting/hand lettering stuff and would like to work on it more.

7. What is something most people don’t know about you?

Uh.... Hell... lol I've mentioned it before, but maybe not recently. I am a swing dancer. Mainly Lindy Hop. I haven't gone as much recently with kids and COVID, but at one time I danced 4-6 nights a week. I was an instructor in my old city for years.

8. If you could write one paragraph (3-5 sentences) to describe your life, your experiences, your personality, who you are, what would it say?

I suppose I would say that I am someone who tries to take care of others, sometimes to the detriment of myself. It has been my mode of operation for most of my life. Writing is one way in which I am able to do something that is ultimately for me. (Though I share it with you all because I can and you're so kind about it!)

9. Any advice for people who write/create, new beginners or experienced ones?

Mostly that you should enjoy it. It was something we often said about dancing (as a hobby): Once it's not fun anymore, it becomes Work™. Don't make your hobby Work™. You are not obligated to anyone to create something in a certain way, in a certain timeframe, or even at all. If you choose to post your work, do it when you're ready to, not because someone is making demands of you.

10. What is a goal you wish to accomplish this next year in regard to writing?

Finishing WIPs where I can manage it. And moving older stuff from FFnet to AO3 after editing and modifying as needed.

#dawnrider fanfiction #20 year anniversary #AMA #ask me anything #writing advice

[kipxer]

Turtle Comforts - Mikey

Rise!Mikey/GN!Reader - platonic/familial - no Reader pronouns

Summary: You're overthinking everything which is making you stuck and depressed. But lucky for you, a little bundle of sunshine has a pizza delivery for you.

Warnings: Anxious overthinking, being stuck in a freeze state, and just generally being depressed. Crying and feelings of helplessness.

Word Count: 2.5k

Note: I don't need therapy anymore, all I need is stuff like this :) - (ok but bruh this actually works tho, I actually showered and ate soup today for real)

Continued: (Raph Leo Donnie) TBA

Masterlist

Surrounded by plush pillows and stuffed animals, you roll over in bed trying to hide away from the sun daring to peek through the curtains into your room.

You know you should wake up. You've been drifting in and out of sleep for longer than you should have by now.

Groaning you pick up your phone and squint at the bright light.

It's horrifyingly well past noon.

A buzz in your hand shocks you out of your drowsiness.

Mikey: Yo y/n!! We're gonna check out the new pizza place in about an hour! Wanna join in? :D

With that message alone, you tense up and feel your throat tighten.

Oh god. Socializing. Leaving the house.

And look at yourself.

Wearing the pajamas that were yesterday's clothes surrounded by your stuffy room that you've procrastinated on cleaning for the last few weeks.

There's no way you could make it.

Even if you wanted to join in, you'd have to get ready for the day, brush your teeth, shower, do your hair, and find clean clothes. In order to find clothes you'd have to clean up the room and do laundry. Oh god and you can't leave the house without doing your other chores, that's just blatantly irresponsible. And even if you were able to do all of that, then you would have to pack and get everything ready then figure out how to make it to the meet up spot. And what about paying for it, you haven't been taking on much work lately so your bank account is looking quite worrying. What if you need that money for an emergency and you spent it on some dumb food-

Before you know it, you can't even move. Too stuck in your own brain to even get out of bed.

To be fair, it has been a while since you spent time with any of the brothers, and you did promise them that you'd hang out soon.

But alas, your eyes continuing to droop, your body growing pitifully weak, and your breath quickening by the passing minutes.

"Mornings" for you have been like this for a while, an epic self deprecating battle between motivation, exhaustion, and anxiety. Ultimately resulting in hours of laying in bed on your phone until the headaches and back soreness join in.

You'd have to decline the offer.

But pizza does sound good right about now. It has been quite a while since you ate an actual meal. And you do genuinely love hanging out with the brothers.

But then again, their adventures are quite energy taxing. It's not uncommon that some mutant or yokai pops out of nowhere and you'd find yourself fighting for your life again. And if you are so exhausted what if you slip up and endanger the team?

Oh god, but what if they take your decline as rejecting them. You've barely talked to any of them in a while and now you're rejecting them? If you want to keep being friends with them you have to at least put in some effort.

But you won't be any fun to be around in this state, so you'd just bring them down either way.

They must hate you.

FINALLY, after 40 minutes of contemplation you manage to type out a quick message.

okokokokok. Just. It's fine. It's probably fine. They're really understanding, they probably won't miss you that much. And you did already make your decision, overthinking it won't do you any good. Just. Go through with it. It'll be fine.

Y/N: That sounds like so much fun! But I'm just feelin' kind of exhausted and irritable, I don't think I would be much fun to hang around today lol

Without so much as missing a beat you see Mikey begin typing back.

Mikey: Aww!! Well maybe hanging out could get you some positive vibes flowin. We're not gonna be doin anything crazy, it's just pizza.

But it's not just pizza.

Y/N: Nah it's fine, I just end up like this sometimes, I just gotta work my way through it lol

You're saying lol too many times.

Mikey: It's been so long since we last hung out tho!! We gotta at least do something!

You sink a little at his words. So he really does care that you come. Are you really gonna ruin his day like that-

Before you can give more weak excuses, another message appears.

Mikey: How about I just drop some off at your place then! I don't want ya missing out!

Y/N: No it's ok! I don't want to trouble you with it. I can always get a slice some other time!

Mikey: It's no trouble lol! I'll be there in a little bit!"

Oh god.

The clock is ticking.

You have to clean your room and shower and-

C'mon, the ENTIRE point was that you wouldn't have to ruin anything. So that you could just have the time to get through your own problems and deal with it yourself like usual.

Since you took so fucking long to reply earlier they must be getting ready to leave to the restaurant soon. Now you have even less time thanks to your dumbass procrastination like always.

And your eyes grow warm and watery.

You begin to shake.

You can't get it together in time.

But it should be so easy.

It's so simple.

Why couldn't you have just done it before.

Why did you have to sleep in the entire day.

Why did it take you so long to reply.

The impossible and inevitable looming deadline unravels you into a heap of tears and panicked sobs.

This is so stupid.

Now he's gonna see you like this.

Which panics you even more.

You end up in an anxious frenzy for a good bit, but that doesn't make time slow down any further, in fact it just does the opposite.

He's gonna show up at any moment now.

The best you could do is not have him find you crying on top of your appearance and messy room and everything else.

So you rub your tears away and suck in your breath forcing the tears back, all while just trying to calm your breathing at least a little bit.

And luckily as soon as you got yourself at least emotionally presentable, you hear a knock on your window.

Muffled through the curtained window comes a familiar sing song voice "Pizza delivery!"

You can practically hear his smile.

At last, after hours of being stuck in bed, you get up on your wobbly legs like some anxious baby deer.

You approach the window.

With each step your chest tightens.

As you reach for the curtain, your shoulders tense.

But ultimately, you pull the fabric back.

Light pours into your room and fills your senses, causing you to squint at the brightness.

Once your eyes finally adjust, you find your mutated friend on the fire escape. His grin wide with a large pizza box in his hands.

Unlatching the window, you invite him in.

As if it were nothing, he hops on through balancing the box on one hand.

"Man it is dark in here!"

You let out an awkward laugh "heheh yeah."

You hear him sniff?

"And you smell funny!"

You make a face in the dark. "Yeah..."

"What have you even been doin' all day?"

You feel yourself shrink at his question and start playing with your sleeves "Uhhh well I just sorta hung around I guess. Slept in a bit."

His face drops. "A bit?? The sun is gonna go down soon!!"

You stay quiet

"Is this what you've been doing this entire time??" He throws his arms out to his sides, somehow still perfectly balancing the pizza.

Your shame begins to grow while your voice grows smaller.

"Um- I-"

"If you needed help getting your life together all you had to do was ask." He poses dramatically with his knuckle on his chin, silhouetted by the golden rays from your window. "After all, I am an expert life coach."

"I uh what."

He suddenly flicks on the light switch illuminating the room further.

"Hold-on-hold-on you don't have to do this, it's fine really!! I got it handled I can fix my own life." You frantically say with your hands up defensively.

Mikey looks at you intensely with an unreadable expression and slowly blinks.

...

"Clearly"

With a swipe of his arm he comically shoves the stuff on your desk off to the side in a pile before placing the pizza box in it's cleared space.

"Mikey!!!" You screech, frantically shouting at him all the reasons why he definitely should not be doing what he is doing.

He throws a pair of shorts and a random shirt he found on the floor at you.

"Go shower!!"

"Mikey-"

"Ya nasty!!!"

You stand dumbfounded.

"GO!!!!!"

...

You slowly walk to the bathroom, staring at him with the most bewildered face on your way out...

As you stand in the bathroom, you look down at the random clothes in your hands.

There's not much else you can do besides shower now you guess??

If you cannot tell already, this is not how you expected this to go...

You turn on the water and begin bathing yourself.

You knew Mikey was the heart of the group and really kind, but you didn't quite anticipate him shoving his way into your grey moody depression arc in the way he did.

He really didn't have to.

But here we are.

As you finish up, you put on the random clothes you were given and dry off your hair.

You feel fresher. Lighter.

As you walk back into your bedroom, you find him chucking clothes from the floor into your hamper.

"Oh puh-lease, like you couldn't benefit from a head start."

"heyheyhey you don't need to do that!!"

You stand awkwardly "Um. Thanks?" You stiffly put your clothes from earlier into the hamper as well.

"Y'know you really don't have to do this for me-"

A slice of pizza is shoved in front of your face.

He smugly smiles. "Look, you've clearly been all huddled up in your room like some hermit for weeks! The least you could do is accept a little bit of help."

You consider this before slowly take the food from Mikey's hand.

"Good!" Leaning on your desk, he grabs a slice for himself and chomps down.

You sit down on your bed and tentatively take a small bite.

The delicate cheesiness of it is beyond your comprehension. The sensation is almost heavenly. With the soft warm crust beneath your fingers and gentle flavor of the toppings.

Your eyes sparkle before you melt and begin to devour it as if you have been a starved animal.

Mikey slides up next you. "Is good right?"

You nod enthusiastically.

He chuckles with a wide grin. "See aren't you glad I came by?" He says, poking your cheek childishly.

Through a half full mouth you reply "To be honest, I kinda freaked out when you said you were coming over at first." You huff out a small laugh at your old reaction.

Mikey gasps. "Whaaaaat? Why freak out about somethin' like that. It's not like this is the first time I dropped by."

Swallowing, you explain yourself a bit, "Well, I guess- I just got nervous cause I couldn't really get myself like, presentable in time? Doing the most basic things seems to take all my time and energy lately. I just- I didn't want to ruin your guys' good time with, all of this." You gesture to yourself and let out a nervous laugh trying to break your tension.

His brows knit together "Ruin our good time? Dude, we wanted you to come cause you're part of the reason why we're havin' a good time. We just like hanging out with you."

"Even if I'm like this?" You huff out a laugh disbelievingly.

"Oh" you say with small smile.

"Yeah!" He glances around the room, then to the pizza, and finally back at you before grinning. "I mean, I'm having a good time right now."

Oh...

Your eyes feel wet.

And you begin to hiccup.

Cmon, not again. I thought we already got this over with.

His eyes widen before they turn to a more sympathetic look. Quickly, he hops on over to your side.

"Wha- hey, why we crying?"

"No- it's relief tears its- um- kinda-" You stumble over your words, embarrassed, "It has been a day."

Abruptly you feel his arms wrap around your frame, squeezing you against his plastron.

"There there. We all have days."

And you can't help yourself but break down even more, finally able to let go. Shakily, you lean into his touch, circling your arms around him.

Why did you even try pushing him away. His sweetness knows no bounds.

"I'm just - I'm frustrated with myself for thinking you'd hate me and be mad at me. And I really really miss you. And I'm just so tired and everything is so hard for no reason. I just feel stupid and useless."

Holding you steady, he gently rubs your back. Dragging his palm up and down along your spine before speaking again.

"Well, it was a little stupid to think I would hate you," He snickers, "But it's ok to be bit dumb sometimes. We all have our moments."

He continues, puffing out his cheeks, "And even if you are feeling useless, that doesn't mean you're any less valuable. You don't gotta be useful all the time. You can just, be."

At his words, you curl up closer against him. And he just lets you. Carefully but firmly holding you, he takes the weight of all your angst and emotional mush as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

And after a few moments pass, your tears finally stop and your breathing slows but you continue to cling onto him.

"Thank you for the pizza." you say in a small voice.

"No prob!"

"And thank you for helping me clean up."

"Of course!"

You pause for a moment before pulling back from him a bit.

"And thank you for getting me out of it. You really are a good life coach."

He belts out a quick laugh "HA! I told you!! I'm a professional, baby." He puts a proud hand to his chest, "You just gotta let me do my job."

You giggle at his antics.

He perks back up, "Speaking of, how about we get you out of this dump for a while. I'm sure everyone would like to hang out with you some too." he moves to stand up.

"As long as it's nothing crazy," You slouch a bit, "which I know can be a tall order for you guys..."

Mikey shrugs "If you ever need to tab out just let me know. I can scream at them to chill or we can even ditch 'em. No biggie." He reaches out his hands to you, offering to lift you up back on your feet.

You take a deep breath. Your thoughts finally simplifying and your body fed, cleaned, and clothed. It really is like he's got some kind of super power to get you here.

Taking his hands in yours, you smile, and you stand up.

#rottmnt #rottmnt/reader #tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt/reader #platonic #mikey/reader #rise!mikey/reader #mikey x reader #rise!mikey x reader #rottmnt x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #comfort #fluff #anxiety #depression #anxious #depressed #familial #tmnt x reader

[saffron0v0]

I've procrastinated long enough!

I am going to finally write the Zenitsu chapter of the therapy sessions! LET'S GOOOOOOOOO.

*before zenitsu gets to go inside the room, aoi gives Sayaki some fair warnings about zenitsu's behavior*

Zenitsu: excuse me... Is anyone here? *he opens the door after sleepily knocking*

Sayaki: what a pleasant day to see you, agatsuma-san.

Zenitsu: IT IS INDEED, MADAM!

Sayaki: Please calm down agatsuma-san! I would like you to know that I am a married woman, so I would appreciate it if you would behave yourself!

Zenitsu: Oh, I... See. *he says sitting down with a blush of both embarrassment and disappointment.*

Sayaki: Agatsuma-san, you know why you're here right?

Zenitsu: *nods, head still bowed down*

Sayaki: Then would you mind talking a little about yourself? A small introduction would be a good start.

Zenitsu: *hesitates, but then slowly starts talking* Well, as you may already know, my name is Agatsuma Zenitsu, I am going to turn 17 very soon. I am an orphan who has no brothers or sisters, and I might as well be labeled homeless. I was taken in by my jii-chan a few years ago, and was trained to be a demon slayer to pay off my debts.

Sayaki: So you came into this lifestyle because you were indebted money? May I ask how you got into the spiral of debt?

Zenitsu: I kept buying expensive gifts for my ex until she decided I wasn't worth it and ditched me for a much more handsome and rich man from Tokyo. *he seethed at the memory of that shameless disgusting man and his gold digging ex* It was the 7th time that happened and I was already in a huge mountain of debt, so my only escape was letting jii-chan pay it off in exchange of becoming his successor.

Sayaki: That explains... Alot. It seems that you are desperately trying to get married from what I heard, and that you have your eyes set on Kamado-chan.

Zenitsu: *intensively nods* I'd lie and I'd kill to keep her with me.

Sayaki: Agatsuma-san, do you not realize that this destructive mindset will just make you feel worse?

Zenitsu: *tilts head questioningly*

Sayaki: From what you said, you had seven girlfriends, and what lead you to the path of becoming a demon slayer, is falling too hard in love with someone, who you barely know, or someone who doesn't love you back. I know it hurts, but what can you do? I've been here for a few days. I saw you interact with Kamado-change from afar, she clearly sees you as a younger brother from the way she treats you.

Zenitsu: No way.. NEZUKO-CHAN WOULD NEVER!

*elsewhere*

Nezuko: *sneezes and feels a chill down her spine*

Back with zenitsu:

Zenitsu: *intensively crying* no woman would ever love me! It's not fair! Even nezuko-chan considers me worthless! I am totally pathetic! If I wasn't a cowardish crybaby then maybe nezuko-chan would've loved me! It's not fair! It's not!

Sayaki: AGATSUMA-SAN! CALM DOWN PLEASE! *loudly clears her throat as zenitsu's cries reduce to sobs* so it seems that you don't have any positive feelings for yourself-

Zenitsu: OF COURSE I DON'T! WHAT WOULD ANYONE LIKE ABOUT ME? I AM A PATHETIC LOSER, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M TOO SCARED, AND I REALLY TRY TO CHANGE! I REALLY WANT TO! BUT I CAN'T! I REALLY WANTED TO BE A HASHIRA FOR JII-CHAN AND MAKE HIM PROUD! I REALLY WANTED TO! *Starts crying like a 5 year old boy who lost his candy*

Sayaki: *gets up and gives zenitsu a hug* I believe you really need a hug.

Zenitsu: *continues to cry, hugging Sayaki tighter, and finally getting the comfort he really needed*

*they stay like that for about 10 minutes, by then, zenitsu's eyes are puffy and his throat is coarse*

*Zenitsu continues talking about his trauma and past, how kaigaku had treated him, how awfully lonely and always hungry he was as a child. He also spoke of how he really wants someone who loves him, and take care of him, to love him in his ups and downs, and to be there for him through his highs and lows. Someone he could truly love.*

Zenitsu: I- I want a family.

Sayaki: So why not have the familial love you get from your friends? Do you really NEED a wife? Or do you just want someone to love and be there for you? Just like a family!

Sayaki: Then you can be the best friend and brother to all of your friends! A wife is not necessary! Yes falling in love is beautiful, but you can't force it. Being around people you care for is just as great!

Zenitsu: Maybe, I guess. *he says bowing and waving* can I come by again later? It was nice chatting with you.

Sayaki: unless it's at an ungodly hour, then you are most definitely welcome to come by, I hope this session was helpful to you in anyway.

*later that day, zenitsu was very quiet and didn't really talk to anyone, he didn't even refuse nor cry when he was given his medicine. Tanjiro and the rest are very concerned, wondering what happened in that room that made him go so quiet.*

Zenitsu: yes, thank you for your time.

Side note: Zenitsu will still be a bit whiny, but he will gradually mature, currently, he's just tired from all the crying and trauma telling he did. He also has a lot of processing to do, in the end of the day he's still Agatsuma thick skull Zenitsu. He will also need to go through his character development arc, he just needs time.

#kimetsu no yaiba #zenitsu agatsuma #future hashira au #Sayaki Haga #Oc

[inkofamethyst]

October 2, 2023

After two and a half days of illness, I'm pretty much back to regular functioning (with occasional sneezes but at least the sinus pressure has majorly receded). This does mean that I'm about two days behind where I wanted to be, but I'm going to have to try as best as I can to catch up so Thursday doesn't ~suck~. I don't really want my sleep to suffer though [edit 2, next morning: failed, reverse bedtime procrastination strikes again], that's a habit I'd like to leave back in undergrad if possible. Man, I can't wait until I'm done with (undergrad-level) classes (though then I'll have to structure my own days which is another kind of challenge).

Anyway back to the house conversation, I'm obviously facing a major hurdle preventing ownership: the down payment. I know I listed out all of those "little" savings goals a bit ago, but preparing for a down payment is a huge goal, like tens upon tens of thousands of dollars in some places, and I don't want that to bite into my emergency fund which I am also trying to build (though the emergency fund will likely be much smaller than the down payment goal). The toughest part is that saving in grad school is terribly difficult. The first year and a half are so are going to be weird because I don't really know what my taxes will look like, but budgeting should become easier as I settle in.

And then and then not only do you have to do a down payment, but also hoa fees, monthly mortgage, insurance, figuring out how to get things fixed when (not if) they break, not to mention all the fees you have to worry about before moving in and all the people you have to pay... so many things to consider, so much cash to raise. And like yes I know that serious saving requires serious sacrifice, but bread and roses man. I wanna get a bass guitar in two years, I'm solidifying a wardrobe, I wanna keep sewing. I don't wanna be so single-track-minded that I'm totally miserable for years (like they tell phd students to not let Being In School stop them from living their lives).

I need to talk to a financial advisor, agh. So many things online are saying that renting could be the better move,,,,, but something deep in my bones tells me that it's propaganda of some sort.

God the way I could've been absolutely insufferable as a (metaphorical) finance bro had I actually taken accounting seriously in high school. Like I totally could've gotten a degree in finance and gone into consulting had I not taken money for granted in high school and really thought seriously about it. Honestly...? That probably would've been an easier way to live than the path I've chosen, but I suspect that what I'm doing will be a bit of fun and probably more intellectually stimulating. So that's okay. I guess.

Another funny thing about this whole ~house~ mini-obsession is that it was merely a month ago that I was freaking out (mildly) about the idea of moving away from home lol.

On to different topic entirely, Knowt has got to be my fav quizlet successor. Having anatomy experience is definitely making these practical cram sessions go by faster.

Today I'm thankful that I'm mostly back to normal and also that I decided to go to this social hour thing where I might've made a new friend (someone who knows my puzzle-friend actually lol)! Now comes the tough part--finding and scheduling things to do with them. It's not like high school where you are with people all the time and come to learn who they are gradually. This takes a lot more conscious effort I feel like.

Okay, enough time spent here. I have (too many) things to do.

[edit, like 20 minutes later: I think I just worked through necessity vs sufficiency in my head and im so proud]

[dasenergi-diary]

Over the weekend I said I'll tell the story of "the straw that broke my back." Here it is:

I will attempt to keep all emotion out of it and only state the facts.

The ex-bf lives near me in Ontario, California. In February he started his new job in Palm Springs. That's an 80ish minute drive (70+ miles).

Every day he tells me about all of the accidents he sees on his commute. He said it's worse than his drive into LA (Los Angeles). Every day he describes to me horrible accident scenes. People drive too fast and swerve through traffic.

When he got the job, the plan always was, when his current lease is up at the end of April (beginning of May), he will get an apartment in Palm Springs.

He HATES his current apartment complex. He's been talking about moving out ever since he moved in. He complains about everything about that apartment complex.

Plus we were already aware they were increasing his rent with this renewal. So much so, that in his words, "I'm going to have to take out a loan to pay my rent. Or I could get a second job."

He wasn't exaggerating. He was serious. They're raising it several hundred.

Moving to Palm Springs would be a great new start!

Since I "work from home" most days, I could work from his Palm Springs apartment on weekdays and come home to my house on the weekends with the kids. That way we can have quality time together without someone commuting. He could also stay with me on the weekends too, or explore Palm Springs and make new friends.

He has never belonged to a gay community, he does not have any local gay friends, and I thought Palm Springs would be a great place for him to build both of those.

After he started working and commuting to Palm Springs every day I kept nagging him, "Have you looked for an apartment?"

He hadn't. So I did an online search and sent him several that met his needs.

"Have you called them? Are there any openings? Scheduled a walk-thru?" He hadn't. He kept procrastinating.

Daily on his lunchbreak I would remind him, "Call the apartment lady." (He had a good lead on an apartment from a co-worker.)

Two months went by. Finally last week he scheduled a walk-thru of an apartment. His comments, "It doesn't have an indoor washer/dryer. I'm not using a laundry room."

Here I should mention, his credit score is only 600. Remember, my mentioning he can't "adult"? Managing his finances is one way he can't "adult."

True story: He hired someone to help get his finances in order. He did NOT do what the financial advisor told him to do, and then he fired the financial advisor because he felt guilty about not doing what the financial advisor told him to do - the exact reason why he hired the financial advisor.

He has ruined his credit rating. We both knew most apartments in Palm Springs probably won't take him. We had to set expectations.

This place with the laundry room will accept him AND this place is $700 less than what he is paying now. AND it's super close to work. He'll be saving money to pay off his debts!

Did he look at any other apartments? Nope!

Then last Wednesday he shared with me that he signed the renewal at his current location... the place 70+ miles from work that he can't afford.

The place in Palm Springs was $700 less a month AND no more 70+ mile commute!

Why would he sign that lease???!!!!!

He sent me a video of that Palm Springs apartment, it was perfectly fine. I could totally see him living there. It had just been refurbished with a new bathroom, kitchen, etc. It was cute!

Even if he didn't like that one apartment he saw, he didn't even look at any others.

He has until the end of April to be out of his current apartment. That's still plenty of time (a whole month!) to find a new apartment, or stay with me, or stay with his parents, or stay in a airbnb, until he finds one.

Why did he sign that lease?

I told him to go back to his Leasing Office and say he made a mistake. That he can't afford it. Did he? I don't know. He kept saying, "I can't."

And that's what made me so furious with him. That was the straw that broke my back.

That he signed a lease for an apartment that he hates, that he can't afford and will need to take out a loan to pay rent, and he drives a dangerous 70+ mile commute to work every day, and the bright future of living in Palm Springs is gone.

And I snapped. I couldn't do it anymore. Those were my exact words to him, "I can't do this anymore."

I was done.

The straw that broke my back.

[lostxndbroken]

Mentally I'm overwhelmed, by the time of year and by how things are going at work. Feeling utterly stuck with myself and in life. These things happen from time to time and it needs to pass. It makes me feel sad.

I'm taking steps on doing what I want but the situation at work makes it feel like I'm not going fast enough on making that progress.

It's a mixed feeling... Because I'm doing it and it needs time to save up money for it. Saving money was never my strong suit, but I'm doing it and I'm making progress so I'm proud of that.

I spoke my mind yesterday to my boss, since we had a meeting with the team and him. I'm proud of that too. Not everyone would think it wise but I was polite and it was bothering me so I told him. He said to have a view on our team that wasn't the greatest, well... I told him the view he had given me wasn't the greatest either.

I joined Tai Chi, I'm doing meditation, I'm working on my mental health.

Still procrastinating too much, but I'm working on it as well.

I'm reading more.

I made progress and I'm slowly moving forward. Still, right now I feel overwhelmed and stuck. I'm a lucky person, I got good friends, family, a job, I can pay my bills and everything. I'm lucky. I know this. But I haven't found what I want to do with my life just yet and at my age (33) that is quite daunting, frustrating.

#〘 ooc 〙 #(( negativity )) #(( venting )) #(( I'm sorry for not being fully here )) #(( this will pass! )) #(( sorry ))

[chicagosfinest2021]

Doing another one of these because I don't feel like waiting for my followers to ask me nuthin LOL

0:Height Useless 5'3''

1:Virgin? No but I wish I was sometimes (even though virginity is a man-made social construct that has no bearing in reality)

2:Shoe size 9

3:Do you smoke? Just on the dance floor

4:Do you drink? Socially

5:Do you take drugs? Just my anti-baby pills!!

6:Age you get mistaken for mid 20's usually

7:Have tattoos? On this chocolate brown skin?? Nah baby

8:Want any tattoos? I'm good

9:Got any piercings? Just my ears right now

10:Want any piercings? If I can shrink my fupa down a bit I might get my navel done

11:Best friend? My sister

12:Relationship status Perpetually single at heart/by choice

13:Biggest turn ons Emotional maturity and introspection

14:Biggest turn offs Emotionally stunted people

15:Favorite movie Toss up between Queen, Bend It Like Beckham and Wakanda Forever

16:I’ll love you if You feed me food

17:Someone you miss My grandma </3

18:Most traumatic experience Being SA'ed by different men

19:A fact about your personality I'm just a straight up catch

20:What I hate most about myself I procrastinate too much, I also can't lose this belly meat for sh*t

21:What I love most about myself I'm smart, pretty, cultured, funny, and have an overall dope vibe

22:What I want to be when I get older The rich auntie with no kids that's always traveling and spoils her niblings with money and gifts

23:My relationship with my sibling(s) Me and my middle sister are basically twins and are super close, I have a half sister whom I love but she's not into the lovey-dovey stuff. She also didn't grow up with us so we're all still getting to know each other, but we're cool for the most part.

24:My relationship with my parent(s) They're not perfect but I'm both a mommy's girl and a daddy's girl

25:My idea of a perfect date It's been so long since I've been on a real date I can't even picture what a perfect date would look like to me at this point. I guess any situation where I'm not silently wishing I had stayed at home would be a step up to me.

26:My biggest pet peeves People who insist on bringing their kids everywhere and expect the general public to help them babysit. Also when I try to pay at the pump and they tell me I have to go pay inside. I'll just get back in my car and leave.

27:A description of the girl/boy I like This guy I'm currently in a situationship right now (not proud of it). He's Latino, we've known each other since we were 13, he's funny, very eloquent when he speaks, is a really good kisser, is kind of a fuckboi and is probably aware of it. . .

28:A description of the person I dislike the most Homophobic/transphobic people in general

29:A reason I’ve lied to a friend So she would stop asking me invasive questions

30:What I hate the most about work/school I actually really like my job, my pay is nice but it could always be better tho, nah mean?

31:What your last text message says My phone is charging right now but I was texting someone about details for brunch tomorrow

32:What words upset me the most "Item is no longer in stock"

33:What words make me feel the best about myself "You just have such a deep and passionate soul"

34:What I find attractive in women Everything, women as a rule are sexy AF

35:What I find attractive in men Security in who they are and what they're about so they don't constantly feel the need to dominate or be "submitted to".

36:Where I would like to live Ireland or England

37:One of my insecurities My big boobs, I feel like people oversexualize me because that's all they see

38:My childhood career choice I wanted to play piano but then I wanted to be a writer

39:My favorite ice cream flavor I want it to be rum raisin

40:Who wish I could be I don't want to be anyone but me honestly

41:Where I want to be right now Underneath my situationship pinned to the bed

42:The last thing I ate This casserole I made that was bangin

43:Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately Alex Livinalli

44:A random fact about anything Queen Nefertiti was the stepmother of King Tut

[gritsandbrits]

Monster High OCs but in the style of the g1 toy bios

Name: Amani Nesar

Parents: Mr. & Mrs. Nesar

Killer Style: Anything really but i NEVER ever leave without my jade bracelet!

Freaky Flaw: I get too carried away with my work and lose focus on other things

Favorite Color: Green

Favorite Food: I love me some roasted greens & chicken on rice

Biggest Pet Peeve: Disrespecting history - there's a lot we can learn from the past!

Favorite activity: Call me indulgent but I love going to the spa. I also dabble in holistics

Pet: I have the loveliest betta fish named Emerald. I rescued her from the store.

Favorite school subject: history, especially ancient history

Least favorite school subject: Physical education but mostly bc I was very self conscious at the time. Still am.

Friends: Jeffalo the Texan Minotaur and Xyla Bone the skeletal Musician

Romance: Will you believe me if I told you me and Ramses De Nile are an item?

Treasure O'Hoard

Parents: Left the company to me

Killer Style: Anything that lives up to my namesake. That means lots of elegant designs and classy jewelry.

Freaky Flaw: When my plans go wrong due to those stupid brats always interfering!

Favorite Color: Any color my money can buy

Favorite Food: Smoked salmon and caviar with gold crusted pasta, and Red Wine.

Biggest Pet Peeve: People assuming that just because I'm beautiful means I'm stupid. Though, it makes the surprise a lot more rewarding...

Pet: I have wonderful companion in Goldie. She keeps my friends close and enemies far far away!

Favorite School Subject: I don't go to school.

Friends: Who needs any?

Tallulah Talbot

Parents: Lord and Lady Talbot

Killer Style: Anything to complement my red cape, and the toughest pair of sneakers

Freaky Flaw: I get a little too excited or clueless with my actions and words - which often lands me in hot water.

Pet: My husky Aleu she's always been there for me and even took down a few uninvited guests

Favorite School Subject: MAD SCIENCE

Least favorite school subject: quiet time I cannot handle dead silence. Get it? DEAD!

Friends: Draculaura, Frankie, Jackson and Holt, and Hoodude

Romance: only a crush here's a hint: she makes me howl at the moon

Hellis Hal' O Ween

Parents: they're both humans

Killer Style: Beautiful gowns that are drop dead gorgeous

Freaky Flaw: I have a hard time communicating my needs & it gets lonely up here

Favorite color: Purple

Favorite Food: Chicken Alfredo & cranberry cherry juice.

Biggest Pet Peeve: People touching my things without permission

Pet: I have a pet tiger named Aries. Strange I know, but it just fits so well

Favorite Subject: Magic that's why I applied for a job there

Least favorite school subject: Math. I used to fail it hard back in high school

Friends: im too scared to make any

Romance: I'm single so far, but I do have my eyes set on a fellow from way out in space!

Jeffalo

Parents: Buffalo Minotaur and a human woman

Killer Style: I don't go anywhere without my horned hat! I also like mixing my cowboy attire with Greek aesthetics

Freaky Flaw: I tend to procrastinate, sitting in an office all day does that to Ya

Favorite color: Sky Blue

Favorite food: Spiced veggies with a side of strawberry milkshake

Biggest Pet Peeve: waiting in line

Pet: I don't own any

Favorite Subject: I LOVED theatre in college

Least Favorite Subject: Science, not because I hate it but because there's so much to remember DX

Friends: My coworkers Amani and Xyla. We're like three peas in a pod!

Xyla Bone

Parents:

Killer Style: Funky fashions that glow in the dark & accentuate my figure!

Freaky Flaw: Sometimes I'm too wrapped up in my music to pay attention! I'm also somewhat of a perfectionist who hates being wrong!

Favorite color: Bone white!

Favorite Food: BBQ ribs!

Biggest Pet Peeve: When I mess up playing a note, or misplacing my flute!

Pet: My doggo Marrow, I lile to take a part of my rib and throw it at him to play fetch!

Favorite Subject: Muuuuusic!

Least Favorite Subject: I don't really have one they're pretty average imo!

Friends: AMANI AND JEFF WHERE YOU AT?!

Romance: I dated a few mansters here and there.

#monster high #ocs #mh oc #fan character #oc x canon

[sunkissedchldrecon]

Exchange:

hi, I hope you’re well otherwise sending you love and light. Can we do an exchange if it’s still open? I’m just a beginner and an intuitive reader. If doesn’t resonate you don’t have to give me a reading, I just wanted some practice! But I hope at least 1% of the reading resonates🤞🏼.

my initials are: K.S, (Scorpio sun, aqua moon and aries rising if you need them :’) )

Emojis: ✨⚡️😎😐😑🤍

I’ll be doing about your future spouse and I’d like the same as well. (I’ll be including any 18+ stuff I get as well!)

I’ll link a google docs document, it’s much more easier to read and consumes less space.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-kqUnkL8XqQIEc2DZLWxgmA5Ov8zxoAELsrsimSLn38/edit

thank you so much for your time and energy <33

Exchange:

your reading was super interesting! the later paragraphs closely match with what i've been told before and some of what you said in the beginning paragraphs is new information which i found cool! i think this might be the first reading where i've gotten info on how they might look, so that was interesting too! ty so much for being willing to do an exchange!

Shufflemancy: 

"Be Without You (Kendu Mix) by Mary J. Blige

"Given-Taken" by Enhyphen

"Bitch Better Have My Money" by Rihanna

"Killing Me Softly With His Song" by The Fugees

"Maverick" by The Boyz

Cards: Three of Wands, Queen of Swords, Four of Cups, Knight of Pentacles, The Emperor, Five of Pentacles, Three of Cups, Ace of Cups, Two of Swords; Culinary Arts (Rx), Down to Earth, Dark Complexion, Confident, Politics, Quiet Time, Procrastinator

Your future spouse is likely dramatic. They have an eye for the big things and like being flashy, but only because they like being able to see what all they've gained as a result of their hard-work and preparation. They may be a politician or like participating in political debates. They're very smart and know how to charm people into being on their side. I feel like when it comes to career, they plan everything out to the last dime and pay attention to the little details, but when it comes to relationship things they're a lot more free-flowing and prefer to just hang out on the low. They know how to disconnect their work life from their personal one, so that won't be an issue for you two!

I keep thinking of "Virgo" with your future spouse, so they might be Earth dominant! They're someone most people know that they can trust, so don't be surprised if they get calls in the middle of the night from friends in trouble. They're the type of person to drop all their responsibilities to help someone they love in need. The Emperor and Knight of Pentacles makes me think their career in politics will be familial. Kind of like how the Kennedys and the Bushes had kids who followed in their parents' steps? Very similar to that, if not, identical. They will like falling into the traditional role of being a provider for you. 

I think the expectations from their family will make them feel insecure. Like they will have feelings of imposter syndrome and may look to you to remind them that they've worked hard to get where they are and to tell them that they actually are doing well and it's not all in their mind. They may spend impulsively on dates and things in order to create a dream world where you two can get away. There's a lot of love present between you two! You may be the one person they feel like they can open up to completely, but that's something they will build up to believing. It will take some practice for that to be cemented in their mind. 

For physical features, they're darker skinned and may have a clean cut. Those are the main things I'm picking up on. 

#ask #sun answers #anonnies #KS anonnie #sun receives readings #exchanges

[bearpillowmonster]

Dunno what started it but I thought about my bio dad today and I started thinking about how he's the kind of person I see and I can identify doesn't matter how much appearance has changed, I can usually just sense it in a way. It would be years at a time before I'd see him again so it wasn't too out of the ordinary for it to happen like that.

Anyways, I used to have pictures of him, now I don't but then I remembered that I have my Mom's yearbook (yeah. I ended up with them somehow) and so technically I do, he's in there a few times, wanted to see if it had the same effect. My stomach didn't lurch but he's barely recognizable in there. I guess I don't have that power anymore. I noticed that he identified as his nickname, not full name in there, so I got on a thread and looked it up (procrastinating writing rn) and there he is on Facebook. I felt the lurch but maybe not seeing him for so many years at a time WAS the lurch, maybe being away is like "Oh man, who's that stranger that's semi familiar?" even people who look similar get me startled before quickly coming to the endpoint that it isn't him.

But one of the first pictures I found...had me in it. He wanted me to find it too, he put my full ass name in there, middle and all (before I changed it) in big capital letters. I do a search for my name on his profile and there are a few posts like that, all from 2012-2013 but I guess he figured if I search my own name I'd find him easier. Some people saying that he stole money off of him, him complaining about child support, letters he's written to some girl named Donna and posting some weird inappropriate bikini babes on bikes and stuff, certainly who I remember but again, 2012-2013 consists of most of his stuff (public anyway) It just got me thinking is all because it half took me by surprise. I can't find him on any other medias though, it's a shame Facecheck went pay-to-use or I'd search that way. I don't know how to feel, I'm looking for something, I don't know what, just connection somewhere with anybody really, tried doing this online therapy to try and hash out a solution but the therapist doesn't get me and I don't want to bother to apply for a new one.

#dad #no really #on facebook #full name and all #i've half been through this before

[ralucasalmostgone]

same as Anete, I just remember getting angry at some point

cause I know what you're gonna think: it's just the frustration of always telling him to mind his own business or giving constant hints of it

...

no, actually...

it was when I was perceiving everyone around me (like I had a choice!) and I remember using my perceptive skills to manipulate the shit out of some...very demotivated individuals (in this environment that only notices pretty faces and ignores the rest, I'm not surprised!)

so I didn't just control a group of people that were under me (and I was their official leader), I made them VERY motivated through said perceptive skills (the same ones that notice attention-seeking behaviour after all!)

I turned their habits that involved being lazy into the productive kind, I conditioned the shit out of them like Pavlovian dogs to respond to positive reinforcement (not hate themselves for procrastinating)

And come reward time for their efforts...I find sad, little Mark in his own world thinking to himself: you know what would be great? To hit them with a 60 again!

...which totally cancells all my Pavlovian experiment efforts!

(that made them way better people that were proud of themselves, so there was nothing wrong with my "little" experiment into productivity!...)

I don't see these loser lecturers change their students for the better either!

I did that! all by myself!

and you know what the reward was?

...

wait for it!

A 60! FOR THE WHOLE GROUP!

it's like they did nothing! (according to these loser lecturers!)

...

all I remember is sitting on that chair and looking at this...totally defeatist type of mentality lecturer - who just casually announced the grade that was not directly proportional to their efforts!

and suddenly this anger came over me that I had to hold myself pinned to the chair with my left hand - not that anybody noticed! I'm way too much in control of myself!

unlike some losers that ARE NOT! and even when they're angry, it's very noticeable for the GOD AROUND THEM!

and at least when I get angry, it's for justice-related reasons, not because mommy and daddy didn't pay enough attention to me and now a random girl has the nerve to prove to me what I already knew about myself: that I'm a pathetic nobody and a loser!

---

OH NO!

I GET ANGRY WHEN I see a bunch of lazy, money-hoarding losers claim to be doing their job when it comes to demotivated individuals and here I am doing THEIR JOB FOR THEM!

And then they slap me with a reward! - a shit mark for the whole group!

Oh, I'm sorry I should be that loser David following you around to kiss your ass better!

How did that go in life, huh?

All that ass kissing? Did it go well?

Because I had people I could work with in any environment who just needed a little push and a little help (that you wouldn't give!) People I could talk to! And now, they're nowhere to be found advancement-wise!

But you sit on your comfy chair, just like Andreea, thinking that all that money hoarding was THE ONLY THING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO IN THIS LIFE, right?

Never the moral thing, never the right thing...

That's the kind of thing you do when you remember to do it!

...

see, I'm not gonna help you

cause I'm the Lord God,

not your fucking servant!

and I saw you fail on the moral level thinking yourselves GOOD as you are!

only morons think that! uneducated morons!

---------------------------------------------

So WE are not ever gonna connect or discuss things - much like I didn't when I was younger and I was perceiving a bunch of foolish attention-seeking types with no understanding of my MORAL VALUES! AS GOD!

Just a rudimentary brushing through the rules...

Oh, ain't that cute?

You know the mark I'll give you for the next life?

Do you?

Do you have a clue?

All of you get a big, FAT ZERO!*