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griefbuilt · 11 months

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Send me ❤ and I will bold all that applies to your muse:

rosalie & jeremy | @twiceburrned

General

I would kill for you. • I would make love to you. • I would fuck you. • I would die before having sex with you. • You seem kinky. • You seem vanilla. • I think you have good taste. • I think you have bad taste. • I would protect you. • I would hurt you for a selfish cause. • I wish we had more in common. • I wish I knew you better. • I want to see you smile.• I want to trust you. • I want nothing to do with you. • I want to see you cry. • I want a future with you. • I want to destroy your future. • I would kill you if I could. • I do not care what you do. • I am indifferent towards you. • I want children with you. • I love you (platonically) • I love you (romantically) • I love you like family. • You are my family. • I could fall in love with you. • I would lie for you. • I would fight by your side. • I will never let you go. • I would hold you while you cried. • I would hug you. • I want to kiss you. • It's complicated. • I would stay by your bedside if you were ill. • You ruined me. • I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. • I want to forget you. • I will never forget you. • I only want to make you proud. • I wish I could make you happy. • You deserve happiness. • I am entertained by you. • You deserve nothing. • I think you are an awful person. I think you are psychotic. • I think you are hideous. • I will never forgive you. • I think you are beautiful. • I think you're hot. • I do not find you attractive. • I worry about where you'll end up. • I bet you have good taste in music • I bet you have bad taste in music. • You confuse me.

You are:

grating • irritating • frustrating • boring • confusing at best • awkward • unreasonable • psychotic • disturbing • interesting • engaging • affectionate • aggressive • ambitious • anxious • artistic • bad tempered • bossy • charismatic • appealing • unappealing • creative • courageous • dependable • unreliable • unpredictable • predictable • devious • dim • extroverted • introverted • egotistical • gregarious • fabulous • impulsive • intelligent • sympathetic • talkative • up beat • pessimistic • peaceful • volatile • calming • badass • flexible

If you were a deadly sin, you'd be:

pride • wrath • sloth • greed • gluttony • lust • envy

If you were a heavenly virtue, you'd be:

diligence • charity • faith • hope • temperance • prudence • justice

If you were a season, you'd be:

winter • spring • summer • fall

A quote or song that reminds me of you is:

may flowers grow in the saddest parts of you

#&. rosalie

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t0rture-memoved · 2 years

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💕📝📺

💕 Your two top fave fictional characters

howl movingcastle and mae nitw

📝 Fave quote

"may flowers grow in the saddest parts of you" -zainab aamir

📺 Fave anime

it's been a hot minute since i watched any anime lmao but i have a soft spot for shugo chara

#asked #not whump #whumpsday

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morosemagick · 3 years

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You, My Everything | Finan x Reader OS

This is a Sequel to This Prompt: You Deserved Better, But So Did I.

Warnings: Blood. Pregnancy

Words: 1688

Tagged:

@magravenwrites @solinarimoon @webreathfandoms @emilyhufflepufftlk @obipoelover @thebohemianpenguin @lalahmaria @axe-does-writing @lauwrite1225

You should’ve told him about the baby.

It was there, on your lips, almost every day you knew for the first month. You weren’t even showing, there was no way he’d find out on his own. All you had to do was say the words, I’m with child, and maybe he would’ve stayed. Maybe he would have loved you. Married you.

Anything would have been better than this.. than being alone.

It hurts to be alone, like this. More than you've ever thought it would. You always thought this was how you ended up anyway. Alone with no one to love you… but then, you met Finan.

What started off as an alehouse romance turned into… well, romance.

He was kind. Kinder than any man you have ever met. Finan was so extraordinarily caring and affectionate. Bringing you flowers, walking you home, the way he would fuck you so hard he once broke your bed-

It was everything.

You thought it was love.

Apparently, not.

The night you broke it off you originally wanted to tell him the truth. You were going to tell him about the child, how you loved him so much and that the idea of having a family with him once made your heart sing, but then he told you he was leaving. It hadn't been the first time he had gone to war since this thing started between you, but the fear of losing him on the battlefield while alone with his child was unbearable.

So you broke it off, thinking it was the best thing and it was far from it.

You don't know what made you think you'd be able to find some sucker that you could trick into marrying you and that you were carrying their child but you tried.

Yet every time you imagined someone else raising this child with you, you realized you were making a terrible mistake.

When you are three months, you start to show. It was small, like you had overeaten, but it was there. On your saddest days, you held your little belly and promised the child growing inside you that you would always love them. That you would never leave them. It makes those bad days a little easier.

Then at four months, you're a little bigger and it's harder to hide. People in Coccham know you're unwed. You feel their eyes judging you as you walk from your job at the alehouse back to your home. It does not matter, though, because you will do everything you can to give this child the world.

As you reach your home, you go to open your door and you realize it's cracked open a touch. It scares you, making you pull out a small dagger that Finan gave you long ago for protection.

Very slowly, you walk inside, calling out to whoever may be there, "I know someone's in here! You need to leave, or I will be forced to hurt you!"

"I doubt you can hurt me anymore than ya have," A familiar Irish accent chuckles and your heart stops, "but you're welcome to try."

"Finan?" You're jaw drops when he walks into your main living space from your bedroom, and you realize he's covered in blood and holding his arm, "What happened to you?"

"Bastard Danes got me good," Finan chuckles as you take a step closer to him, "but you should see the other guy."

"Why are you here?" You ask, stupidly, scared your words will scare him away, "Why come to me?"

Tired eyes scan across the room before making their back to you, and his shoulders raise in a shrug, "I am not sure. This is where my feet have taken me."

You take another step, not sure if you're saying or doing the right things, "After everything I said," you chuckle under your breath, licking your dry lips, "I am still your first stop when you come home."

"Maybe my feet still think this is their home," Finan chuckles softly making you smile.

He's panting by the time you're in arms reach. You're trying really hard to keep it together, but seeing him all beat up like this worries you, "Let me clean you up, at least," you tell him, reaching out to touch his bloody face slowly. The moment he melts into your touch, your eyes start to tear up, "I'll take care of you."

Finan nods, his eyes glancing down until he finally notices your belly, "You're with child?"

When he looks up his face looks more hurt than it did before, "Yes, it's-"

"I should leave... before your husband gets home," He tells you as he attempts to walk past you, but you grab his arm to stop him from going, "Y/N, I shouldn't have come-"

"I am not married," You tell Finan as glances back at you, "Please… stay. I'll tell you everything."

"What is there left to say?" Finan questions you as his eyes become red, "You carry another man's child."

Now it's your turn for your eyes to go red and blurry as you furiously shake your head no, "The child is yours."

Finan looks betrayed as he slips his arm from your hand, "You told me to leave…"

"I did-"

"You said you wanted another!"

"I lied!" You cry out as the tears fall fast, "I lied Finan, I do not want anyone else!" You hold your belly for comfort, because it is all you have to hold, and you tell him the truth, "You are my everything. I may not deserve your love.. but you will always have mine."

He glances away and takes a deep breath as he tries to process everything you've told him, "Why did you tell me not to return if you say you love me?"

"Because I am a coward," You shrug as the tears keep coming, "because for three years this was only sex and then one day I woke up and I realized I loved you, and I was so convinced if I told you.. you would not feel the same," Your eyes close for a moment as you take a deep breath, and open when you say, "I should've told you about the child. I was going to, and then you told me that you were leaving. I was scared and a coward, and I am sorry."

Finan just stares for a moment or two, looking at you, and then away as silent tears run down his bloodied cheeks. It takes him a few moments, to process, and part of you thinks he's definitely going to leave you. When he does finally look forward, he does not look at you, but at your belly, "This is our child?"

His hands reach out to cup your protruding bump as you respond, "It is."

It does not bother you when dirty hands drift from your belly to your waist, closing the gap between you as you melt into each other's arms. He holds you and it feels so good. Completely unbothered by the dirt and blood.

"I betrayed your trust," You whisper as your arms wrap around his neck and you bury your head into his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"It is my fault, Y/N," He answers with a soft voice, still not ready to let go "I should have never given up so easily."

"I told you to go…"

"I should have never left," Finan pulls his upper half away so he can look you in the eye, "Not without telling you how much I loved you."

You hear the way he's said loved and knew he means no longer, "Will you take the child from me? Now that you know-"

"No, I would never," He shakes head, seemingly surprised by your response, "Why would I take my child from their mother?"

"Because I am an unwed woman with nothing to her name, carrying your bastard?" You shrug as the tears return and to your surprise, he chuckles.

"I will not take the child," Finan tells you with a smile, lifting one hand to wipe away your tears, "But we will have to do somethin' about you being unwed."

You look confused as he brushes a strand from your face, Finan's hand remaining on your neck once he's done, "I don't understand."

"I should have asked you this three years ago," Finan smiled softly as his next words fell out like a whisper, "Marry me, Y/N."

"You want me to- are you sure?" You question him, shocked as the tears build up once more, "But I do not deserve you after what I've done."

"We will work on fixin' this broken trust between us, but Y/N, you are all I will ever desire," Finan leans to kiss you, his eyelids lowering as he moves in, "and you are all I will ever need."

The kiss feels like a lifetime coming, you had no idea how much you missed his touch and taste until his mouth was on yours once more. You're pulling him as close as you can without hurting him or yourself, not ready to break it just yet.

And when you do, your next words will be ones you will live by for the rest of your life, "I spend the rest of my days proving my love to you."

"And I will never leave you lonely again," Finan promises you as he kisses you again, his hand on your waist moving back to your belly, "Neither of you."

And it's true. He is there for everything, every moment, from the rest of your pregnancy to the day you give birth. Finan is at your side as you bring your first son to life, and he is there for every birth for every child the two of you have throughout your marriage. And when he must leave to carry his oath and serve his lord, you do not fear, because you know he will do everything in his power to come home. It Is the promise he'll always fight to keep.

Finan, your husband.

Your everything.

#finan tlk #finan fanfic #finan x reader #tlk #the last kingdom #one shot #mcloveproductions #finan the agile

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stargazerinmoksha · 4 years

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I am trying to come from a place of understanding, so what I’ll write here will make sense once it is all written down. I have spent a good portion of the last few years inside of this hateful place and to everyone that is still there, I want to be that beacon of hope for you. You will make it out. I lived in this wallowing pit of pity and anger, an anguish so chaotic that it sapped my smile right out of my face. I don’t need to be perfect, I don’t need to be anything, I honestly didn’t even feel like existing. I would wake up and I just hated the feeling of going through the day because of my constant fuck ups and to be honest with you? Was that really any way to live? I tried some acid two months ago and yeah, the visuals were wild, but I went to brush my teeth and for a second I caught a glimpse of my reflection inside of the faucet head and I felt like I saw myself for the very first time. I always hated looking at myself. The cruelty that we deal to ourselves is by far some of the most saddest shit anyone can go through. No one deserves to wake up and feel like that. I just cried. I didn’t know what else to do, I guess my first reaction was to just let it out. To just feel. To feel like I gave enough fucks to tell myself that it’s okay if I’ve been hurt or if I’ve hurt people before. It’s okay, just don’t do it again. A month ago I went on a trip to Colorado and I almost died, I decided to quit smoking cigarettes and vaping period, I wanted to let that part of my life go. I got into a wreck and I almost killed my cousin along with myself. I should’ve bought a pack, but I wanted to stick to it. I wanted to be responsible. It fucked up my little vacation, but I managed to grab some shrooms and went home to see if I could see something.

Yes, this is a story about how I found my faith inside of such tiny things. I hear talks about bad trips and visuals, but I never thought for a second that I would have felt this warm embrace, a love so dear to me— something that I’ve never felt before. Nothing like sex. Nothing like drugs. I know why psychedelics are illegal now, because if everyone went into it with a stable mind and good intentions, the world would find so many answers. I’m not telling you to try it, I’m telling you that our paths all converge eventually. Your karma cycle will repeat itself until you’ve made peace with your demons. I am just a man, but here, I write. My poetry doesn’t sound so sad anymore and that makes me so damn happy. It took me four years to make peace with that part of myself and I know that there’s so many people out there that’s still hurting. I started writing my sappy poetry on tumblr because I couldn’t deal

with my heartache, and a lot of people read and they read and they read some more. I’ve made so many connections through my writings, I’ve become a madman and now I write as easily as breathing, it’s my meditative state. I am telling you all of these personal things because the truth of the matter is that no matter where you go, who you’re with, no matter how bad things get, I wanted you to know that somewhere, someone understands me. Even if for a split second, I want you to know that it does get better. Shrooms showed me where all of our knowledge should be stored, our hearts may break, our minds may succumb to a darkness that only the rarest of flowers may thrive— you are that flower.

You can be big and tough, you can be short and fit, you may not feel like you’re pretty, you may not feel beautiful, you may hate yourself everyday for letting the one get away, you may be the cheater, you may have been cheated on, you may choose to be alone, you might just want to live with your dogs, that’s cool too. There’s love everywhere and you won’t always get along with everyone, that’s okay too. I just want to function from a place of understanding. So this is where I’m at. I love you. I love you regardless if you hate me for being me, even if you think I’ve taken something from you. I love you regardless. I love you even if we don’t talk often, even if we’re on this endless cycle of come back home to me some day. I love you even if you aren’t really who you said you were, I loved you before that knowledge and I will love you then. I love you even if you can only get three hours of sleep a day because on that third hour you have batshit crazy nightmares and call me to help you smile. I love you even if you’ve felt lost and not quite at home, you can always find a home with me. I love you even if you have wronged me and I’ve wronged you back because even if I gave you my heart once, I promise it’s still there. I love you even if you’re unsure about the prospects of an us and that’s okay, as long as you’re trying, I can get down with that. I love you even if it was pure forgetfulness on your part to tell me about yourself and your life, all is forgiven.

I love you even if we sit in silence and I want to hug you and tell you that it’s okay, it’s okay if you didn’t know how to be my dad. You’re here now and that counts. I love you even if you constantly yell and belittle me because I only have one mother in my life and no one can ever replace you. I love you even if you’re dead ass broke and don’t have a single cent to your name, if I fuck with you, I fuck with you, point, blank, period. I love you even if you’re heavily opinionated and all you want to do is talk, I will always have your back. I love you even if you’re extremely stoic as fuck and it get under my empath’s mind, I love you always. I love you so much and I hope all of you grow up to be safe and beautiful. You are so dear to me and you know who you are, I am living on borrowed time and I might not be here by tomorrow, but if you read this just know that it has always been about you. I love you even if you showed your face to me during a time when I was high as fuck, I have such a complex relationship with you God, but I know that you mean well and I can only receive your love and knowledge when I am ready. I love so much and it hurts to love this deep, but I have to make peace with all that I am and if love is the greatest thing that I have to offer, then all that I love is also a part of me. I write to let you know that if this is the worst part of my story, I will write a better ending.

I write this to let you know that self-love starts when you’re ready. It won’t start any sooner than that. And if you try to rush it and go to a place that you’re not supposed to be, you will be sent back like a shooting star that’ll split into two, someone might wish upon you— I am sure you’ll grant their wish. I can only pray that you know I mean well. I hope that you drank some water today, I hope that you ate some food today. I hope that you’re safe and get a chance to know love. Like real love, like for real love, love that hits you up just to smile and laugh with you. Love that lets go of envy and jealousy. I have been there, I’ve done that. I don’t want that in my heart. I want to forgive myself for all of it. You see, love starts there because how can I love anyone if I don’t love myself first. Love starts when you start making changes to how you love. Love starts when you’re ready. So start with yourself, when was the last time you did something nice for yourself? No, not like smoking a joint or taking shrooms haha. More like waking up and doing your blanket as your first kind act of the day, a clean bed will start a clean day. Your room is a direct mirror of your inner world.

Learn more about yourself. Learn about your strengths and weaknesses and I promise, the money will follow. Learn to attract the things that you truly want. The things that truly make your heart feel warmer for the cold days. I want to function from a place of genuine kindness, understanding and love. It’s okay if you hate me, you will find a place in your heart to grow that into something wonderful. Yeah, I’m on my bullshit again, but if you read this whole fucking thing, you’ll know that I meant well. And if you find something in here that’s about you, don’t be afraid to hit me up about it. I wrote it with that in mind. Please enjoy your day and remember, it starts whenever you’re ready. Not any sooner or any later— it begins when you’re content with being here in this moment. The right now, the right here. Don’t worry, you got this because if I made it through, you can too.

— “How can you love anything if you don’t know how to love yourself?”

#poetry #spilled ink #prose #poems #quotes #words #love #quote #a thought or two #thank you for reading

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revenant-coining · 1 year

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Hello, here's a whole bunch of requests for quoteic genders. I am sorry if it's too much.

Genders for the quotes:

"Forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head."

"You can’t be strong all the time. Sometimes you just need to be alone and let your tears out."

"May flowers grow in the saddest parts of you."

"Everybody isn’t going to love you. Most people don’t even love themselves."

"Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself."

"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference."

"I have survived. I am here. Confused, screwed up, but here."

"I pray for God to crush me, break me up into little pieces and start all over again."

all posted !

#anon #🪼 requests

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1solone · 6 months

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May flowers grow in the saddest parts of you. If flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow, there is hope for me too. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. A single rose can be my garden...a single friend, my whole world. fσr чσu! 🌹… ‿ℒℴνℯ⁀❤️

╲ \ ╭ ┓

╭ 🦋 ╯

┗ ╯\ ╲°•❤🦋💞always with ℒℴѵℯ ❤️🕊

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trans-snart · 4 years

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So I couldn’t stop thinking about Joe & Nicky and Origin of Love, and that spiraled into a MIKA-specific playlist because that’s just the kind of gay I am. Enjoy!

It can be shuffled, of course, but the song order forms a narrative structure as well. Selected lyrics are under the cut for anyone interested!

Playlist title comes from the live performance of Lollipop where the lyrics were changed to "but now I'm 32 years old / and all that bullshit I was told / I lived my life and love was found / and love never let me down"

*I personally did not do any of the translating for the French or Italian, but please let me know if there’s an error that should be corrected! Click the titles for the full song translations!

Any Other World:

Take a bow, play the part of a lonely, lonely heart / Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in, to the world you thought you lived in

I tried to live alone / But lonely is so lonely, alone / So, human as I am / I had to give up my defenses

Overrated:

Words get broken, cut me open / Love confound me, kill me quickly / Breathe out, breathe in / Throw me living off the deep end while I’m sleeping / I'm a crazy fool, I'm a fool addicted / To the touch of you, to your poison kisses / What you got to lose? / What do you think this is?...

Offered up my wrist, and you thought you hit it / But your arrow missed, couldn’t kill me with it / All I asked of you was to free my pain / So you couldn’t do this to me again

Heroes:

It's your blood on me / And my blood on you / But to make you bleed / The only thing I wouldn't do...

We fight, we yearn / We never learn / And through it all / The hero falls

I wish there was a way / To give you a hand to hold / 'Cause you don't have to die in your glory / Die, to never grow old

Porcelain:

It's a small cry that is screaming inside / It's a paper cut that is bleeding me dry / Porcelain, it's the state that I'm in / Hold me carefully, just one breath could shatter me

'Cause you and I, were one of a kind, unbreakable / How was I supposed to find / Out that I'd crumble

I Went To Hell Last Night:

I went to hell last night / Followed you there, I was standing by your side / The saddest thing I've ever seen / Made me angrier than I've ever been / But in the darkest place, a saving grace / After all we've been through / Though it kills me to say this / There's a little bit of God in you…

And one day you will see / Part of you is part of me / There's a little bit of God in everything

L’amour Fait Ce Qu’il Veut:

Pour ce salaud [For this bastard] / Je fais le tour de la terre [I go all around the world] / Jusqu'au Congo [To Congo] / Je m'enfuis dans le désert du Sahara [I flee into the Sahara Desert] / Tout en haut du sommet de l'Himalaya [Way up high from the Himalayan peak] / Sur la lune, à Cuba [To the moon, to Cuba]

Mais l'amour fait ce qu'il veut, fait ce qu'il veut de moi [But love does what it wants, does what it wants with me] / Mais l'amour, baby blue, fait ce qu'il veut de nous [But love, baby blue, does what it wants with us]

I See You:

I'm sitting across from you / I'm dreaming of the things I'd do / I don't speak, you don't know me at all / For fear of what you might do / I say nothing but stare at you / And I'm dreaming, I'm tripping over you

Truth be told, my problems solved / You mean the world to me but you'll never know / You could be cruel to me / Why go risking the way / That I see you?...

I'm standing across from you / I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do

Talk About You:

Walk through the jungle that used to be my town / Everything's different, you've turned it upside down / It happened to me, totally unprepared / Just the beginning, but I'm not even scared / ‘Cause living like this is risking all that I know / And if it kills me, that's the way I want to go

Domani:

Cercherò una scusa per sentirmi fragile [I'll try to find an excuse to feel fragile] / Perché tu mi fai paura e non lo so nascondere [Because you scare me and I can't hide it] / Il cuore ha sempre ciò che vuole [The heart always has what it wants] / Ma io vorrei soltanto i graffi sulla schiena [But I just want the scratches on my back] / Nudi nel retrovisore [Naked in the rear-view mirror] / In macchina io e te con la radio accesa [You and me in the car with the radio on]...

Pensiamo troppo al domani [We think too much about tomorrow] / Ma oggi siamo qui e non ci troviamo più [But today we are here we no longer find ourselves] / Chissà cosa sarà domani [Who knows what tomorrow might bring] / Non vedo il panorama resti solo tu [I don't see the view, just you]

Feels Like Love:

Baby, look at us / Any fool could see / I was made for you / And you were made for me / Okay, tell me no / And we could play that game / Waste a lot of time, but still feel the same

We could walk away / And just like others would / Or we live our lives / Like we know we should / 'Cause it feels like / Yes, it feels like love...

This is how it is, after just one kiss / Do you really think I'm inventing this? / 'Cause it feels like love to me

Tiny Love:

I couldn't train a bunch of doves to spell your name / It's a 'don't-know-what-they're-missing' kind of love

Our kind of love, it gets better every day / Crazy colors in the grey, our love / Tiny love, it's a tiny love...

Oh, tiny love / So small that you can't find us / The world revolves around us / Oh, tiny love / This kind of love, it can't be no other way / One kind of love blows the other ones away

Step With Me:

Is this happening to me? / Have I lost all my defenses? / Should I wait around and see / What it's like to lose my senses? / Always looking for the chase / From the high ground to the ditches / But the chase I'll never miss / Now I know what happiness is...

Sun is shining up ahead / In 30 years we'll still be happy / Making movies in my head / Making Hollywood look tiny / Don't know why but all your words / Sound just like a melody / From the pieces that I've heard / I could build a symphony

Boum Boum Boum:

Pas la peine d'aller cavaler [An escapade isn't needed] / Y’a que ça qui m’fait voyager [This is what makes me travel] / Pas les cocotiers de Tulum [Not the coconut palms of Tulum] / Quand toi et moi on fait boum boum boum [When you and I are making boom boom boom]

Et tous les bourgeois du seizième [And all the sixteenth's bourgeois] / Se demandent pourquoi je t'aime [Wonder why I love you] / Pour le voir pas besoin d'un zoom [To see it, they don't need a zoom] / Quand toi et moi on fait boum boum boum [When you and I are making boom boom boom]

Sanremo:

If I could, I know where I'd be / In a little town in Italy / Close your eyes, come away with me / Tomorrow we will be / Sitting by the seaside / Drinking up the sunshine / You're here, so why don't we go / Dancing in Sanremo? / We could be there in a couple of hours / To the place with the yellow flowers / Somewhere only we know / Sunset in Sanremo

To feel like this / Is one in a million / A suspended moment / Can we seal it with a tender kiss?

Sound Of An Orchestra:

You don’t even know everything I hear / Every move, every note, every time you’re near / If I close my eyes, promise I can see / A hundred people playing and it’s just for me / I can hear it, I can hear it, I can hear it, I swear / All the music you’re provoking, filling up the air

Tiny Love (Reprise):

This tiny love, it might be small / But it's the greatest of them all / This tiny love would disappear / You can't forget that it was here / We are tiny to the world, but in our hearts / We are giants with our tiny, tiny love…

And if it all goes bad / And our love sets like the sun / I'd give up a hundred thousand loves / For just this one

Origin Of Love:

You are the sun and the light / You are the freedom I fight / God will do nothing to stop it / The origin is you / You’re the origin of love...

Like every word that you preach / Like every word that you teach / With every rule that you breach / You know the origin is you

From the air I breathe, to the love I need / Only thing I know, you're the origin of love / From the God above, to the one I love / Only thing that's true, the origin is you...

Your love is air, I breathe it in around me / Don't know it's there, but without it I'm drowning

Love, you're the origin of love / (thank God that you found me)

#the old guard #yusuf al kaysani #nicolo di genova #joe x nicky #nicky x joe #togsource #mika #mikasounds #come and get your yearning i guess!!#hyperfocus projects: a summary #but will i actually write the story to go with this?? only time will tell #idk i had fun with it hope y'all like it 😘#tumblr tagging hates me fingers crossed people will actually see it lmao

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thelastduke · 3 years

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May flowers grow in the saddest part of Your heart. May the stars I summon at night illuminate the darkest part of Your mind. ✨✨✨ #london #mood #monday #mooddujour #dreams #stars #foodforthought #littlestoriesofmylife #poetsofinstagram #instapoet #poetry #love #loveisallyouneed #18thcentury #art #portrait #history #fashion #lessisbore #aesthetic https://www.instagram.com/p/CL35Sa4nHKJ/?igshid=sjvnqjms0p7y

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winterromanov · 5 years

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we will grow taller together - bucky x reader

PART TWO - NO KID HATES CUPCAKES

parts: zero | one

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

extract: Before you accept his request, you hand him the box of cupcakes. He looks at you with surprise and uncertainty, mouth dropping open a little. You snort a laugh. “They’re cupcakes. Steve told me about Clover and I saw them on the way here. Couldn’t resist.”

genre: nanny x single father!au

taglist:@blindedbyyourgrace17 @verygraphicink @chubby-dumplin @igotkatiepowers @welcome-to-my-studylife (still open, reply/message to be added)

“This is so weird.”

As soon as work had finished a text had appeared in your notifications from Steve, detailing an address of a small apartment block in Brooklyn, and to meet him there. There didn’t seem an option in Steve’s world to decline the invitation. You were going to meet James Barnes and you were going to do it now. Well—within the hour, because despite having lived in New York for the last few years you were still heavily reliant on Google maps and sheer hope that you’d turn a corner and randomly appear at your destination. You’d ended up passing the same indie bakery so many times that it felt rude not to go in and buy some of the cupcakes displayed beautifully in the window. Now, you clutch a white paper box in your hand filled with a strawberry cheesecake, two Oreo and one that is peanut butter and jelly, because even if whatever is about to happen goes horribly, you figure no kid hates cupcakes.

Steve shakes his head, leaning across to press the buzzer. The apartment block is, admittedly, much nicer than your own. There is a lot of exposed brickwork in an edgy, retro way rather than a neglected way, and no drunks loiter in the stairwells. James lives in one of two apartments on the fifth (and top) floor of the complex and when you clambered into the elevator no-one was peeing in it.

It’s practically five-star luxury.

“What did you say to him about why I’m here?” you ask. You fight the urge to slap him when he looks back at you in faux-innocence. “For fuck’s sake, Steve! Have you not even told him—“

Your sentence is cut short when the lock on the door clicks and a man appears in the doorway, rubbing his left eye tiredly like he’s just woken up. His hair is a little too long, dark and dipping into his eye-line, and he’s wearing a scruffy Columbia hoodie and sweats. James Barnes. You do recognise him. Maybe not this exact version of him, but you do recognise him all the same.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve greets, a bit too brightly. James blinks, as if he’s going to reply, but the action causes him to do a double-take when he sees you standing there.

“Hey…” he says, eyebrows knitting together. You offer him an awkward smile. “Sorry—I, uh, I wasn’t expecting visitors. I thought Steve was just dropping by.”

“Yeah,” you reply, glaring pointedly at Steve. “I thought he was going to mention that I’d be tagging along.”

Steve shrugs simply, like this was his plan all along. He claps Bucky on the shoulder, but his eyes remain on you, sussing you out. “Sorry, man, completely slipped my mind. This is (Y/N), by the way.”

You offer a wave which, in hindsight, is super dorky, but Bucky’s look of suspicion softens to elusive recognition. “Yeah, yeah, of course. You knew Natasha from college.”

You’re so surprised he remembers a detail like that at all and it must show on your face, but James doesn’t react either way. “Yeah. We were roommates in freshman year.”

“Right.” Bucky nods once, before ushering off to the side. “Please come in. It’s a bit of a mess, but I didn’t—I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep for.”

You walk awkwardly into a fairly large living space, the flooring a light wood laminate other than a bright striped rug in the centre. The walls are plain but spotted with photographs and prints, the sofas a dark red fabric and positioned round a glass coffee table. A television is positioned on a cabinet on the central wall and while much bigger than yours, it’s not that catches your eye—there are books everywhere. Books stacked haphazardly on shelves along all the walls; an antique mahogany bookcase full to brimming in an alcove; books spilling off the coffee table and onto the floor. There are standard paperbacks you’d find in every single Barnes and Noble, fat black Penguin classics, leather-bound first editions that may have fallen out of Belle’s library in Beauty and the Beast. You are that blown away by the sheer volume of literature you almost forget why you’re here in the first place.

That’s when you notice a set of illustrated Harry Potter hardbacks on an armchair and tiny mismatched socks drying on a clothes horse, a stuffed Paddington Bear and Peter Rabbit chilling on top of a chest that matches the bookcase. You also notice the absence of a certain child.

“No Clover?” Steve asks, sitting down on the sofa in a naturally comfortable way that suggests he’s a consistent visitor to the Barnes household. He pulls out a cuddly kitten that must have fallen between the sofa cushions and places it gently beside him.

Bucky shakes his head. He rubs his eyes again. “No—Becca takes her on Thursdays. She’ll be back in a couple of hours or so. Gives me the chance to mark papers or, uh. Nap. Apparently.”

A laptop is also open on the coffee table, and a copy of Shakespeare’s Macbeth. “Are you a teacher?”

“No—well, kind of. I lecture in literature at Columbia.” Well, that explains the sweater, then. And the books. He gestures towards the couch. “Please, make yourself at home.”

Before you accept his request, you hand him the box of cupcakes. He looks at you with surprise and uncertainty, mouth dropping open a little. You snort a laugh. “They’re cupcakes. Steve told me about Clover and I saw them on the way here. Couldn’t resist.”

“Oh.” James says simply, looking down at the box. It’s like he doesn’t receive kindnesses from strangers very often and makes you wonder just how much he distrusts the world. You mean—from what you’ve heard, he’s got a right to be unsure. “Thank you. She’ll love these.”

“No problem. The lady in the shop said the peanut butter and jelly ones are unlike anything you’ve ever tasted. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but she was wearing a hat shaped like a red velvet cupcake so obviously I trusted her opinion.”

His mouth cracks into a glimmer of a smile. Muted, subtle, almost reluctant. He may be one of the saddest people you’ve ever met. It burns off him like a bonfire. The ashes gather in piles round your feet.

(Gosh, you thought empathy was Steve’s thing.)

Steve suggests making coffee and James doesn’t disagree, considering he’s still got about thirty quizzes to grade by tomorrow. As they both disappear off into the kitchen, Steve gives you a pointed look and closes the door behind him. It feels all kinds of wrong to corner this hurting, confused man into whatever arrangement Steve has in his head; an arrangement you’re not even sure of yourself. But you find yourself wanting to help him anyway. James is sad. But he’s gentle, and clever, and trying to make the best of a situation nobody wishes on anybody.

As you try not to eavesdrop on the muffled voices in the kitchen, you walk the outline of the living room, pausing in front of items that catch your eye. Each of James’ photos sits in beautiful, ornate frames, winding wood engraved with flowers and leaves that you assume must be gifts. You recognise Clover immediately—most of his pictures include a tiny girl with frizzy blonde hair, varying in age from new-born to recent. One sat in front of a grey screen, showing off the gap in her front teeth. One in a swimming pool wearing flashy pink sunglasses. One where James is clutching a small white bundle, his cheeks flushed red, looking down at the baby like she’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen. There’s a couple with either Steve or Natasha, another with a tall, dark-skinned guy you’ve seen on Steve’s Facebook, a few others with two unnamed brunettes—one, you think, must be his sister or at least a close relative, the same bright blue eyes and dark hair.

The other—well, it must be Connie. Petite and elegant and totally gorgeous, with a small upturned nose and big eyes like an animal in an old Disney cartoon. She grips Clover tightly and the girl is frozen in a giggle, a kiss pressed to her cheek. You can almost see James on the other side of the camera, totally unknowing that it’s one of the last times he’ll see the two of them together in the present.

You deliberately force yourself away before spiralling. Real loss stories. The last thing you need is for your heart to completely spill over. Instead, you drag yourself over to his beautiful bookcase, running your hand over the faultless dark wood. The glass inside is dusty and probably needs a once over with a cloth but you can see inside anyway, eyes skimming over titles. You see some Ford Madox Ford, Woolf, Joyce, Plath, a massive collection of Keats offset by Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey. There’s no consistency to his interests. Instead, there’s a bit of everything (in the English speaking canon at least) and to your delight, even some philosophy.

(Admittedly your philosophy major hasn’t come in that useful, but at least it’s fucking interesting.)

A few minutes pass before the kitchen door opens again. Both men look flustered like they’ve just had a fraught, whispered argument, which doesn’t bode well for you—but instead of addressing it, they sit down on opposite sofas in silence. Steve’s arms are crossed, mug loudly placed on The Chamber of Secrets. James’ eyebrows are arched in a scowl. No-one has made you a drink, clearly forgotten in the process.

Well. This is fucking awkward. You don’t know whether it would more weird to sit down or to just leave. You quietly start to make your way to the couch next to Steve but he abruptly rises, muttering something about going to the bathroom. Suddenly, you’re left alone with James, the tension sitting uncomfortably in the air like storm clouds. You fold your legs over each other, mouth pressed in a thin line.

“I—“ James begins, before locking his jaw closed. He’s pensive. Choosing the right words. “I don’t know what Steve has said to you, exactly, but I’m fine. I don’t need anybody. And it wasn’t his place…”

“Oh my God, I know,” you interrupt hastily, not wanting him to think you’ve forced your way into his home with intent you had no right to have. “Trust me, James, I’m only here as a favour to Steve. He always thinks he knows what’s best and, like, I know his intentions are good but his best isn’t always everyone else’s.”

Not for the first time since you arrived, James looks surprised. The tension seems to dissipate slightly, the atmosphere less fraught. His shoulders relax. “It’s not that you don’t…I’m sure Clover would like you, but I’m still getting used to…”

“You really don’t need to explain. Like you said. It isn’t anyone’s place but yours to decide what you need.”

James’ smile is soft and tired. “Thank you for caring enough to turn up, though. That’s more than I can say for some people I actually know well.”

Ouch. His bitterness singes on his tongue, still raw and swollen. You can allow Steve to be right about one thing—maybe you could be a good friend to him, or at least someone you could get to know better. You have a distinct lack of any real relationships in your life and his ridiculous collection of books is enough to convince you he’s someone worth befriending. You reach out for a wad of neon post-it notes and a biro, scribbling down your phone number, slapping it unceremoniously onto his knee. He rips it off with bemusement, curling it into his palm.

“If you want to complain about students or laundry or how life is sometimes incredibly shitty,” you grin, “Call me. Unless it’s eight-to-six most days, because my boss is a tight-ass and won’t hire anyone else so I can have more than one day off every year. Other than that I’m totally free.”

“Wow. You have even less free time than me. At least Clover wakes up past eight on weekends.” He blinks slowly, clutching your number tightly. “And thank you. I really do appreciate it.”

Steve has been in the bathroom for an awfully long time and you’ve known him long enough to realise he’s doing it on purpose. Instead of hanging about while Steve and James chat uneasily in your presence, you take it as your cue to leave. Bucky tries to explain that you don’t need to leave so soon, but you’re genuinely worried Steve will sit on the toilet playing iPhone games for literal hours in order to leave you two to ‘talk’ if you don’t walk out the door.

“I hope Clover enjoys the cupcakes,” you say, once you’re stood back in the hall. “You should have one too. The endorphin rush you get while eating cake is unparalleled.”

James laughs, like actually laughs, his hand curled round the doorframe. “Maybe I will. See you around.”

“Yeah. See you.”

The door eases shut and you shiver now you’re out of the warmth of James’ apartment, but you can’t help but think this whole weird thing didn’t go as badly as you thought it would.

#mcu #marvel cinematic universe #marvel #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes au #we will grow taller together

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