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blingblong55 · 4 months

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Christmas Kids-Simon "Ghost" Riley

Not a request but this idea is inspired by @suimon 's post ---- GN!Reader, platonic!relationship, fluff, comfort?, childhood best friend!Simon, civilian!reader ---- also this specific verse from christmas kids you'll change your name or change your mind / and leave this fucked up place behind / but i'll know, i'll know is SOOOOOOO childhood friends with simon coded. especially when you see him again after years and years thinking he died with his family

A/N: Simon is 35 in this and you're 34...and it might be slightly different from this idea

It's been twelve years since you last saw Simon. Two teens, Manchester and some booze. That is the last thing and place you remember from that night.

You and him met because of your mums, they went to the same schools and so did Simon and you. It was like a movie, two best friends who have known each other since birth. Now all you have of him is a faint memory. He and his family died when you were around 22. It was the news of the city.

"Mum, please tell me this is a lie," you cry and all she does is give you that look. "I'm sorry, love." The tears, the ache in the chest, it's all engraved in you.

A knock on the door at two in the morning.

"Never open the door to strangers," Simon reminds you. "But how will I know it's you?" He chuckles, "I'll use our whistle," he simply says and you nod.

A knock and a whistle at two in the morning. You go pale. No, it can't be, he– he died, he's been dead for so long. Stupid nightmare, get me out of here.

Another whistle, waiting for your response.

You whistle back and get close to the door. You can feel the presence. It's there. He's there. That kid you ran the street with, the guy who took you home after one too many drinks. The stupid jokes and the constant lessons of life. "Simon?"

"Please open, it's cold," his voice hoarse and once that door opens, a flood of memories comes through.

His face is bruised, clothes are torn, blood is on them and the faint smell of his cologne is there. The rain filled the silence of the night. Police cars are in the background and he smiles at you. Once he stepped inside, it was a new man who did it, not your Simon. this man was taller, broader, he had tattoos and well...all that blood and those bags under his eyes.

"You–you were dead, they...they recovered your body and–"

"I faked my death," he was breathless and you guided him to the stool of the kitchen.

When your mum passed away, you were 27, that is when you needed him the most. Who else to give you a shit joke if not him? And now seven years later and here you are, waiting for a shit joke.

"Your dad–"

"I know." he cuts you off. He needs no mention of that man, not ever.

"If you faked your death then, does this mean they are all still alive?"

"No, I couldn't save them," he breaks down, finally.

All this time, he played Ghost. The man, the myth and a persona that everyone saw as a tough and cold man. When he is here, in your presence, he is that 23-year-old who saw his family dead. He is the same man who cried to you. You were home to this soldier, the last home he had. You hug him and in that second, he turns into a child in need of his mummy and need of desperate comfort. For years he has been running away from the past, of that night and you.

To be in the presence of the man he is, that is fear but to be in the home of the one person who knows who he is past the mask, is a nightmare.

"I don't want to!" Simon cried to his father as he got the snake closer to him.

"Dad, stop this isn't right." The same night when he was told to laugh at a woman who had passed out on the floor.

But, you know what they say, Dead will follow, Dead won't leave, Dead won't rise, Dead and Gone all this except Simon Riley, he stays like the ghost he is. Now, he is a man who let all of his terrors catch up to him and as they haunt his head, he clings to you.

In his head, his life flashes. From laughing with Tommy, getting scared by a skull mask, running in the streets with you, leaving Manchester, joining the military, the SAS, getting SA'D, hanging by his rib, crawling from a tomb, having dead friends, having a dead family, Task Force 141 and losing himself to Makarov and now, here he is, crying in a kitchen. If only his father would see him, he'd know his son is nothing but a bastard and a coward.

"Simon?" Your voice breaks his trance and he looks up. "I'm lost, I don't know who I am anymore," he cries and in that instant, you see him. You see his past and the present. A frown forms on your lips, "What did they do to you?" your hands holding his face and all he can do is lean into that touch. "I'm dead, I'm nothing but a senseless killer," was the description he gave himself.

In the world of Simon Joseph Riley, he was nothing but a cold-blooded killer, an apparition of his old self who was only meant to kill.

As the night became morning, he said it all. From when he left to how he found himself at your door. Your heart broke more and more, he was the shell of a man. Nothing but a life of misery left in that stare he gives you. Simon knows he has nothing left for him. You on the other hand are the hidden treasure he left for when needed.

His whole life– well, ever since the death of his family, he's been running away from the shadows and now he's running away from the military. With his captain being called a general killer, his friend Soap dead, and his friend Gaz lost, you are the last thing a man like him has. Tucked in a corner, the faint of the memory, that is what he has.

"Please don't turn me in, they'll hurt me again," he cries. Those tears are not just from his current exhaustion, but from all the years he denied the feeling of regret and sadness. Sure he was forced to go to a therapist but after the first one was killed, who else could he trust?

"I'm scared, I'm so scared," he confesses and for the first time in his life, he does feel fear. He saw the shadow of fear when Soap was nearly caught and possibly killed by Shadow Company but he knows fear when all he has is you and the blood that drips from his wounds. "Simon-"

"I miss them, I miss them all, I missed you and I miss being normal," he cups your face and looks deep into your eyes. "Help me, please...I- I need to find myself again." Suddenly he was back at the park you two grew up in.

"R/N!" His eyes with tears. His father must've scared him again, you thought. "Over here, Simon!" you wave your hand and you see him sigh in relief as he runs to you. His arms wrap around you as he once more confesses how his father hurt him.

"Let's fix you up and maybe we'll head to the park," you suggest and he nods desperately. "Please, yes, let's do that."

Now, three weeks later, you find yourself hiding him from the world. Task Force 141 was deemed as a danger to others.

Simon Joseph "Ghost" Riley, is no longer a danger to himself or others. He stares at the moon as he looks out the window, your cat on his lap, purring because they both found comfort in each other. He knows he lived through it, to get to this moment and he'll do anything to finally call a place home.

A/N: Graceland Too by Phoebe Bridgers also inspired me, you can tell...

Tags: @fake-id-69 @stick-the-dumbass @uraritychain @aalxrose @prettyoatmeal @elowynnlane @infpt-zylith @dakaraissoisso @homicidal-slvt @honestlyhiswife @madsdawson @joyfulmarvelofavengers @qxclamation @nunezr29 @scoobysnakz @iruzias @vampsquerade @tiredmetalenthusiast @jinxxangel13 @enarien @luvecarson @willowaftxn83-87 @saoirse06 @ikohniik @strawberrychita @sae1kie @queen-ilmaree @Llelannie @avidreadee123 @talooolaaloolla @skelletonwitch @bittermajesties @Nyx_Flower @sparky--bunny @honestlyhiswife @who-can-appease-me @ghostwifeyy @konigssultwithghost @kaoyamamegami @nobodys-coffee @beansproutmafia @soapybutt17 @a-goose-with-a-knife @foxface013 @anonxasian @born4biriyani @thegreyjoyed @mychemichalimalance @marshiely

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shadeysprings · 6 months

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A Toast to New Beginnings

—Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary — Reconnecting with your childhood best friend was supposed to be a wonderful experience—until it wasn't.

Warnings — noncon/dubcon, drugging, implied kidnapping, childhood best friends to lovers with a dark twist, possessive Bucky and more that I could have forgotten.

Word Count — 1.7K

A/N — My second entry for @thebasementspouses The 12 Men of Christmas Writing Challenge. And it was such a thrill to write for Bucky again. As soon as I was able to choose what item to pair with him, my mind just went berserk. I mean, how could you not?!

Shoutout to my beta @sgt-seabass. But all mistakes are mine alone.

As always, your feedback is highly appreciated and your reblogs would be amazing. And of course, I hope y'all enjoy! ❤️

“It’s really good to see you again, Bucky.”

The smile you give him is mirrored on his face as he takes your empty plate, stacks it with his, and places them in the sink.

It’s been years since you last saw him, years since you ran away from home and established a new life in the city. You thought he would be angry for leaving him, your only friend in your small town, after you had both promised to be there for each other no matter what.

Though life back then was tough and unpredictable. And as a teenager, it gave you no choice but to leave everything behind, to escape the hardships. Including him.

The years seem to have worn on him with the way he’s grown. You couldn’t believe that this is the same Bucky you knew who roughed up the kids that made fun of you, and stole lollipops from the local store just because you wanted them. He was reckless back then, a bad boy as the old women called him. But now, he seems like an entirely different person and yet at the same time familiar. Like home.

Gone is the long hair you’ve always known him to have, recalling how he beat up the boys who teased him for it, and loved how his mother would comb it out for him despite saying how much he disliked it. Now, his hair is neatly trimmed with the shadow of his beard just kissing his face. He’s also grown bigger; muscles bulged from his shoulders and arms, almost making his navy henley shirt too tight for him.

Guilt suddenly swirls around you, twiddling your fingers together as you remain seated at table and watch him tidy up the kitchen. You even take the time to observe his apartment—a complete bachelor’s pad. But you can’t help but notice the small touches he’s added that reminds you of his childhood home.

He’s never brought up the past once since you met last week by chance at the grocery store. Never once has he shown any emotions of betrayal for what you’ve done. But with you, it’s all you’ve been thinking about after parting ways and agreeing to his invitation to reconnect.

“You remember my mama’s eggnog back then?” He says, disrupting your train of thought, a smile still ever present on his lips when you look up at him.

You smile once more, the memory washing over you like a wave. “How can I forget? She always made mine with chocolate.”

“You always were her favorite,” he laughs heartily. “Liked you more than her own son.”

“Well, she always did want a girl. And I’m the closest thing to a daughter she’ll ever have,” you say with equal mirth.

“Yeah, yeah. Go sit on the couch.” Bucky instructs with a playful inflection in his voice. You stand from the dining table, already making your way to the living room. “I’ll bring you a mug before I give you your present.”

“Present?” That surprises you.

Taking a seat on the couch, you finally notice a small red box sitting on the low coffee table, your name written on the card. You didn’t know he was preparing something for you, and you came to his place empty handed. If the situation were different, if this were to happen in the past, you would have teased each other about it. But with so much time wedged between the both of you, you can’t help but feel another bout of remorse and realize how much things have changed.

“Here you go.”

You look up at Bucky and take the offered mug, the warmth radiating in your palms. He joins you on the couch, a mug for himself in his hand, and a smile grazes his face when he takes a sip. His blue eyes cast over at you, curiosity present.

“You’re sad.” He says, turning in his seat to face you completely. “Did something upset you?”

Placing your drink on the table, you clasp your hands tight and stare blankly into nothing. Of course something upset you. Everything since Bucky came back into your life upset you. It wasn’t because he was part of the past you wanted to forget but more so because you abandoned him.

Yet here he is, making you meals and your favorite drink, the gift adding to the pain that you desperately keep hiding deep in your chest.

“Bucky— I—”

“You don’t have to say anything.” You look over at him when he interrupts, his mug now sitting beside yours. “You did what you had to do, I know. It took time to accept it, but I eventually did.” His hands then envelop yours, his warmth seeping into your skin. There’s a slight smile on his face, the same one that always brought you comfort whenever something troubled you.

Slowly, he reaches over to give your cheek a gentle pinch, ultimately making you chuckle at the childish gesture. Your mug is placed between your palms, and he takes his all the same, sipping on it before nodding in your direction.

“Go on. Mama’s eggnog always makes you feel better during the holidays,” he urges.

“Well, she always made mine special,” you respond, sticking your tongue out playfully at him, and take a heavy gulp of the warm beverage. But your face twists when you swallow, a sour aftertaste scattering on the surface of your tongue that makes you look at your mug, then at Bucky.

“Is something wrong?” He asks in concern.

“No,” you say, trying to appease him, but the cough you release lets him know otherwise. “Just— I don’t remember it being this bitter.”

“Shit. I must have added too much cinnamon in it.” There’s a frown on his lips as he stands from his seat, holding his hand out for the mug. “I can make you a new one if you like. Probably hold back on the cinnamon this time.”

“Oh, don’t bother.” You tell him, schooling your features as you take another sip. “It’s still good. But maybe I can have a glass of water with it?”

“Already on it.”

You take another mouthful as he leaves for the kitchen, hoping to get used to the bitter aftertaste. But it��s an endeavor you stop, placing the mug back on the coffee table and instead reaching out for the red box to guess its contents.

But your heart begins to beat at a rapid pace, hands shaking uncontrollably, and you gasp when you feel your muscles tighten then loosen altogether, making you lean back against the cushions of the couch like a wilted flower as you try to decipher what’s happening. You try to call for Bucky to help you in your mysterious ordeal, but no matter how hard you try, no words leave your lips. And in just a matter of seconds, you’re rendered helpless and incapacitated.

Your eyes widen when you see Bucky return, eyes cast down on you as he sets the glass of water beside your mug. He says nothing, not even questioning how you’ve come to be this way, yet there seems to be no sense of urgency permeating through him. And instead, he lets out a chuckle when he takes your legs from the floor and lifts them up to the couch.

“Well, what do you know! It does have a fast reaction time,” he says with a grin, taking a seat at your side and reaching over to caress your face.

What? He did this on purpose? But why?

Confusion runs wildly in your head as tears stream down your cheeks. You feel nothing yet everything all at once; the sound of his heavy breaths when he leans closer, the heat that flutters on your skin when he grazes his fingertips against it, and the sight of his intense stare, how the blue of his eyes grow bolder, the concern and, dare you say, love in them earlier replaced with hunger, possessiveness and something darker.

“After years of waiting, I finally have you, my Dove.”

That name.

It’s been years since you’ve heard it. And it was only him and his mother who called you as such. The name that used to bring you joy each time you heard it. Yet now, it elicits fear in your chest.

Sapphire orbs bores into your eyes while his hand caresses your cheek. “Unlike before, I won’t let you go that easily.” His hand snakes down to your neck, then lower to your breast, taking a tit in his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “In all honesty, you did this to yourself. If you never left me, we would never be in this situation. We could have been married. Living a simple life on the outskirts of town. Maybe even here in the city.” Releasing your breast, he pushes his hand lower, skating down your blouse and stopping just at the edge of your jeans. With deft hands, he undoes the button and pulls down the zip, your chest pounding as you foresee the coming events, wanting to kick him away from you—but it’s no use.

You no longer see your childhood best friend, your protector through the years. What you see is a stranger, a monster, here to haunt you through the next.

He’s strong, pulling the fabric off your thighs and tossing them haphazardly to the ground. He then stands, eyes raking over your body, and you’re once more stricken with fear when he starts to undo his pants.

“Now, I’ll make sure that you never leave me,” he continues, kicking his pants away and taking your legs in his hands, lifting them over his shoulders as he kneels before you.

You do nothing but watch in horror and feel his ministrations when he pushes your panties aside and presses his thumb against your clit. He rolls it slowly, teasing, dampening your cunt with each stroke he makes, pulling at the pleasure you desperately tamp down, but all your efforts are useless with your body subdued.

He lines his cock against your cunt, feeling the way he rubs the tip against your folds, taunting to penetrate at any moment.

“This time, I’ll make sure we’ll be together forever.”

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #a toast to new beginnings #tbschristmaschallenge #mcu #tfatws #sebastian stan characters #shadeysprings fics

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lakesbian · 1 year

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ok listen. this is crucial. this is what ward aisha is to me in my mind palace.

aisha for the largest part of worm is Thirteen. alec is 15. they're both incredibly dysfunctional traumatized kids who like each other a whole lot living thru some crazy shit. and the one time aisha really has fun is when she gets to play at being on top of the world with alec, living out the rich-with-no-dumb-adults-but-brian-telling-us-what-to-do teenage dream w her best friend. she's Thirteen. her sole vision for the future is that the undersiders will keep winning and she and her Cool Hot Funny Best Friend Who Is The Only Person Who's Ever Gotten Her are going to be cool and tough and richer than god and paint each others nails in their cool shared supervillain base while the world fears, but more importantly, knows the names of Imp and Regent. her big brother has had unimaginably awful things happen to him and she can't fix it even an ounce, she's fucked up and has spent her life feeling invisible and she knows it, her best friend is fucked up too and she knows it, but she still gets to have this: the success as a villain, her legacy, the legacy as someone memorable with her best friend and her team that's so nearly within her grasp. despite it all, she's just a kid, and when she's texting alec a news article about herself or idly dreaming about installing a pool in her base, she barely even remembers the blood it's taken to get there. for a moment of her life she thinks this will never end and she'll finally get to be Seen, seen by her best friend, seen for everything great they're going to do together.

and then--she's 13--she watches her best friend kill himself in front of her, for her, and she's never going to get to tell him another secret, or make another dick joke with him, or be imp and regent on top of the world together. and her brother is even more unreachable than ever and one of the people she respects most in the whole world is gone and she's alone again, unseen, dealing w/ all this blood and no more prize at the end of the rope.

when we see her at the end of worm, she's fixated on the idea of establishing a Cool Villainous Legacy as the Badass Supervillain Imp, impressive enough to become what she and regent could've been together, but, like.

all she's actually doing is taking care of a bunch of traumatized children and going around stopping people from being terrible to each other. she wishes she were a villain. she's a charmingly edgy vigilante at worst. she spends 30 minutes straight making fish puns, stopping said traumatized children from getting into trouble, and preventing a dude from torturing ppl and hoarding resources. and then she pats herself on the back for another Successfully Villainous Act. and also while she's doing all this she's intentionally memorializing and safekeeping the legacies of taylor & alec (not brian because wildbow is a clown idiot buffon fuck but in my mind palace she's doing it for brian as well). all ppl she loved and lost, and she's desperately trying to prevent them from fading into the same obscurity as her.

so like. To Me. To Me. the reason she's still talking to herself about building her own legacy, about her own legacy being that as a Cool Villain--is because she's not ready to face that that dream from her childhood has long been dead in the water, that she's now a lonely person whose life is about tromping around in snow-proof cargo pants and making enough breakfast for all these fuckin' kids and yelling at people to be decent to each other. everyone who would've seen her has been left long behind in one tragedy or another, and on some level, she's not fully accepting that this is her life now: being the one who's left. the one whose legacy is just to carry the legacies of her friends who died too young around in her heart.

so To Me. ward aisha is abt like. i will have to rotate this in my mind further to determine more, this is the first draft of Thoughts, but to me ward aisha should 100% be about her coming to terms with the fact that she's grown up and having 2 memorialize the her that her 13yo self wanted to grow into as much as she has 2 memorialize her other lost loved ones. like scene queen kid aisha growing into an adult during a post-apocalypse where there are no longer hot topics to rob blind but she can still have silly fun hair dye for the her 7 years ago that really loved neon purple. not to fucking mention the thing where her brother comes back and they both have 2 reckon w how much she's grown and the fact that she was aspiring to be like a mini-him but if he was genuinely in touch with the emotions of the kids he's taking care of.

like what if you were an older brother and you died and then you came back and your immature little sister was almost as old as you now and bigger and taller and good at taking care of people Emotionally in the way that you never could 4 her. what then. wouldn't that be fucked up or what. aisha and brian my best friend aisha and brian

#worm spoilers #scarf don't look #making myself feel better about ward by imagining good ward

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aloneinthehellfire · 16 days

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GOH: The Party

Gates Of Hell

"Obey the rule of law, or be banished from The Party."

I have written up a quick description for them, including a little backstory and a song (spotify link) I feel represents them in my fic.

EL HOPPER

Her entire childhood feels like some sort of nightmare. Raised in rooms with white walls, her favoured dress a hospital sheet. After the massacre, after she finally escaped, she got to understand what a real life should feel like. It may be far from the supposed normal, but her new life was everything she never knew she craved. A home, a family.

She will do anything to keep what she's found.

song: river lea by adele

DUSTIN HENDERSON

Dustin has always been a cheerful child. Growing up, it was only him and his mom, her positive influence convincing him he was capable of anything. He was never one to simply stay still, he wanted to explore, to learn about the world with a smile on his face. But that wasn't to say he never felt anything other than joy.

His intellect proved useful in every dire situation, but it wasn't for the ill-hearted. People find him 'too much', and sometimes the thought comes creeping in that his friends only keep him around for his skillset in communications.

song: second child, restless child by the oh hellos

MIKE WHEELER

Mike has always valued friendship over everything else. He knows the only way to survive a life filled with bullies is to strengthen a bond, to create a Party. Even when a mysterious girl shows up in the woods and literally flips his world upside down, he still knows he needs to keep the group together.

When times get tough, will his bravery in sacrifice aid them on their quest, or destroy what he fought so hard to create?

song: brother by kodaline

WILL BYERS

Will Byers has never seen himself as anything other than ordinary. Even after a life-changing and traumatic event, he feels like an outsider to his friends. He knows they care for him just as much as he cares for them, but he doesn't allow himself to speak what's truly on his mind. Instead, he just sits and watches everyone's life fall into place while he remains stuck there, like he never left the Upside Down.

He was taken, disappearing into the night. And then he was suddenly back, rescued, with no memory of what happened... at least, that's what he tells people.

song: people watching by conan gray

LUCAS SINCLAIR

He is no stranger to the torment the world can bring. He was raised to understand the scrutiny of the world, but most importantly, he was told to ignore it. But that just wasn't him.

He was a soldier, and he was ready to slay any dragons, no matter how dangerous. He won't let the world tell him what to be, and he'd fight back until his last breath if he had to.

song: soldier by tommee profitt

MAX MAYFIELD

Since she was little, Max has always imagined a life far far away from her 'family'. She had a mother that neglected her, a stepfather who ordered her around, and a stepbrother who made every day she was alive a living hell. So, it was easy to say, she had a lot of rage.

But she didn't want any of it. She didn't want the negative emotions, or the pitiful gazes from her new friends that didn't understand. She wanted to prove she was Max. Not Maxine, not a Mayfield or a Hargrove. Just Max. No more, no less.

song: little girl gone by chinchilla

taglist: @toomanyfandomsimfanvergent . @sheisjoeschateau . @kthomps914 . @curled-hair-red-lips . @nix-rose .

@palmtreesx3 . @kryztalglear . @sattlersquarry . @hey-barnes-stole-a-jeep . @sadslasher13 .

@iliveonteaandbooks . @innercreationflower . @newyorkangelbaby . @totally-bogus-timelady .

@pansexualhoor . @kitdjarin1 . @chiliwhore .

#stranger things x reader #gates of hell #eleven hopper #dustin henderson #mike wheeler #will byers #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #Spotify

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scoobydoodean · 6 months

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Wanted to chat about some tangential things in my last reply of this post and the related reply from @deanwinchesterwebsite while sparing all of us the length of the whole post.

Slightly off the topic of money, but I like what you said about how Dean constantly offers or encourages Sam to grab at moments of normalcy (staying with Lori, Sarah, whichever woman is representing a normal life that episode) whereas Sam rejects that -- it can happen after the revenge plot when Sam goes back to his "normal" life. This is merely an interruption. But Dean knows there's always something else to hunt, and there is no "getting out". His whole life he's tried to build periods of normalcy, knowing it won't last. Does Sam also know deep down that there's no "after", since he experienced that childhood too, and he just doesn't want to accept that he likes hunting? Or does he still believe in that dream, as evidenced by him telling Dean to get out and live an apple pie life after he jumps in Swan Song?

Dean as Sam's Relationship Cheerleader™️ is something I've meant to dedicate a gifset to for some time. He is constantly trying to get Sam to connect with people. Lori, Sarah, Madison—even Meg. I do have this set along a related vein. I also have a tag for Sam not being carried along by the tides of the immutable sea, but I made that tag so long and complicated I can't actually get it to work anymore for some reason... I need to shorten it. My tag #sams motivations is meant to include a lot of posts giving context to Sam's choices (I have a considerable backlog of gifsets I need to make for this), and #sam the hunter for his relationship to hunting.

From my personal perspective, hunting and family are deeply connected for Sam. He tells us (Charlie) this the most plainly in 10.18:

SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t….

This little bit of dialogue imo explains a lot about what many would consider "wishy-washy" behavior from Sam over the first 2/3rds of the series. Hunting is a family first activity for Sam. If the family is dead, he will get revenge (season 1, 2, 4) or quit (season 8) if family is alive but attempting to live peacefully, he will seek out other family (the Campbells in season 6). Season 8 is the trickiest of all. I have a very long post about Sam's headspace in season 8 here.

Unpacking Sam's views on hunting is tough to do in some places in a way that answers everyone's "but what about...?" moments, because while the result is often the same (Sam is hunting), the motivation is often very different and quite varied.

Season 1

Hunting is revenge, then it's also a coping measure for Sam's grief, and then it begins to develop as a mission (1.20). At the same time, Sam absolutely sees it as a temporary reality of his life—a detour from his normal life (1.16).

However, there's also The John Wound™️ which begins healing up in 1.08 when Sam learns that John periodically checked up on Sam when he was in school to make sure he was safe. There's their hug in 1.16, and there's their conversation about the college fund in 1.20 where John explains himself and apologizes and Sam says he and John are the same. Sam has more sympathy for John Winchester than anyone else, and I think that's something that people often, somehow, miss. This renewed connection with John—still filled with flashes of anger as they butt heads—is this precious, fragile thing that slips through Sam's fingers like so many grains of sand before he really gets to feel they've "fixed" it because John dies.

Season 2

The seeds having been planted in 1.08, 1.16, and 1.20 (to some extent also in 1.02). After John's death, hunting is how Sam feels close to his family (especially John) and honors the memory of their parents. It's how he deals with the regret of all the things he and John didn't get to say and mend. He talks about hunting in John's memory instead of going back to school (2.02), and he insists on bringing John's dog tags to Lawrence so he can place them on Mary's grave (2.04).

In 2.20, he tells Dean he's glad they know each other and get along, when the context is Dean's djinn dream where they never spoke, and Sam got everything he wanted in the Pilot—Jess, the white picket fence, the law degree.

In 2.10, Sam refers to hunting as something that he can't escape—says California was him running, and implies hunting is something he doesn't want to escape anymore. He tells Dean he's just going to have to stick around being a hunter if he wants to support Sam, because Sam isn't going to run and he isn't going to stop.

Dean is balking at the hunting life and desperate for a break, and Sam says, "You're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do" (2.10). He reiterates—in 2.20 when Dean is spilling despair and grief out of every pore—that the job is worth it despite all of the pain because of the people they've saved. In the beginning of 2.13, he's jealous that Henriksen put out warrants for Dean but not for him after the fiasco at the bank.

It's worth noting though that Sam also has a more fatalistic perspective this season. At times he believes he should be killed before he turns "bad" (and pushes Dean to promise to take him out when he knows Dean won't). He isn't necessarily facing the idea of hunting for the rest of his life. He's facing the reality of turning evil quite imminently and then a young and bloody death (he wishes, at his brother's hand before he hurts anyone), and episodes like 2.11 Playthings and 2.18 Hollywood Babylon and 2.13 Houses of the Holy reveal he's also motivated to hunt as a distraction and to prove that he can subvert his demonic destiny.

Season 3

Demonic destiny subverted (they think—until Ruby tips Sam off about Lilith and the title The Boy King starts getting throw around) Sam focuses on Dean. Dean intends to burn bright for the whole year until his deal is up, and go down in a blaze of glory, and Sam spends the first 2/3rds of the season trying to get Dean to care and secretly working on plans to save his life and growing more and more bold and ruthless about it.

One episode after calling Ruby a "cold bitch" for telling him not to feel guilty about killing two human hosts (3.04), Sam shoots a crossroad's demon, killing the human host because he's furious that he's powerless to save Dean (3.05). When Dean dies in Mystery Spot, Sam turns into a hunting machine obsessed with vengeance against Gabriel. In 3.12 Jus In Bello, he considers human sacrifice. In 3.15, it's using an immortal's alchemy and turning himself and Dean into frankenstein's monsters. He summons Ruby behind Dean's back and against his dying wishes looking for a last play to save his brother's life. He wants his brother with him and he's growing more and more desperate and more and more willing to traverse dubious ground to get what he wants—what he needs.

Sam also talks about honing his skills as a hunter to become strong enough to face life (demons, Lilith) without Dean (3.09). He talks about becoming like Dean while Dean worries because Sam isn't acting like himself. Sam reveals a brutality in 3.07 Fresh Blood meant to recall Dean's brutal kill via chop saw in 2.03 Bloodlust. He no longer insists on sparing human's leveraging supernatural power to murder others (3.09).

He isn't looking for normal. He is looking for a way out.

Season 4+

I think you're right on the money on Sam seeing an "after" to hunting for a long time, or needing to see one and getting very self-destructive (and otherwise destructive) if he doesn't. Crucially though, the "after" Sam sees doesn't have to be a "Normal, Apple Pie" life. It just has to be different from the unsustainable pain they're in now. I think the Apple Pie Life is something Sam wants to secure for Dean in season 5 because of the conversation they have in 4.12 "Criss Angel Is A Douchebag"—the conversation that leads Sam straight back to drinking demon blood after quitting in 4.04:

DEAN Man...hope I die before I get old. Whole thing seems brutal, don't it? SAM You think we will? DEAN What? SAM Die before we get old. DEAN Haven't we both already? SAM You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60? DEAN No, I think we'll be dead...for good. What? You want to end up like -- Like Travis? Huh? Or Gordon, maybe? SAM There's Bobby. DEAN Oh, yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully. SAM Maybe we'll be different, Dean.

Sam imagines him and Dean growing old, hunting together. Sam imagines them shifting into a role like Bobby's in their old age (something close to what Sam begins cultivating in the late seasons with the Men of Letters and the bunker and his AU hunters). It's a romanticization—a hopeful look ahead to a future where they aren't drowning in grief at all times even if the struggle never ends. They keep an eye on the world, but they aren't guiltily beholden to it. But then Dean says:

DEAN What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life.

Sam hates this. He hates that Dean says this, and he wants to fix it. He wants to change Dean's future—secure his future—both of their futures. He doesn't want to be fighting like they're fighting now when he's old, and he doesn't want to die young. He also doesn't want that for Dean, and he learns Dean (at that time at least) doesn't want to be like Bobby or Rufus when he's old. So he needs to save the world so Dean will grow old. He needs to cut off the head of the snake (kill Lilith) even if Dean doesn't like how he does it:

SAM What if we could win? DEAN "Win"? SAM If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it. DEAN Is there something going on you're not telling me? SAM No. DEAN Sammy. SAM No. Look, I'm just saying...I just wish there was a way we could...go after the source. That's all. Cut the head off the snake. DEAN Well, the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads. Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen. SAM Yeah. Guess you're right. <- (Sam, thinking about a call he needs to make to Ruby immediately)

In 4.15, Sam says he and Dean are special—outside the natural order. They have a special place in the world and special duties.

There's 4.17 "It's A Terrible Life" where Sam is thrust into "Supernormal" along with Dean, and very quickly smashes his phone... and at the end, asks Dean become monster hunters with him. There's 5.12 "Swap Meat" where Sam turns his nose up at the teenager who has the exact life Sam used to envy.

SAM I totally lied. That kid's life sucked ass. All that apple-pie, family crap? It's stressful. Trust me – we didn't miss a damn thing. DEAN Or we don't know what we're missing.

That disagreement—that little bit we see where Sam has rejected normal but he knows Dean wants it—Dean wants it so so badly but he doesn't believe he can have it—that's the basis for Sam's demand that Dean go and he live a normal, apple pie life.

In 4.19, after the brothers meet and bond with "Adam". Sam immediately wants to train him up as a hunter. Dean balks—thinking Adam has a chance to escape the life—that he hasn't been dragged in yet and doomed. "He could be a doctor"—he could be someone normal. Sam says all he sees is someone vulnerable, ready to become monster chow. He says John did right by them by teaching them to protect themselves. When Dean talks about Adam's hopeful "normal" future, Sam says, "What makes him so special?"

Dean asks if Sam's jealous—but I don't think that's exactly it. What it is is that Adam is not the only person who gets to be happy. Sam thinks, "We can be happy too! We're cursed, but we aren't doomed!" They won't fix their lives by running from hunting or never being involved in it to begin with, but they aren't doomed. They'll escape everything through hunting—by killing Lilith and destroying hell's plans.

Adam is a Winchester and therefore already cursed. But Sam thinks... the curse of hunting is better. The curse makes you special. The curse is something Sam hates... but he also loves it, and he was never going to be normal. Normal was always the foolish pipe dream of a boy running and hiding. He was never going to be normal. But it still isn't a tragedy, because Sam won't let it be one. Sam will take everything that's happened to them—to him—and make something good out of it (4.04). He will be powerful, and he will build a life out of rubble everyone else (Dean) looked at and said the house was totaled and they're toast. If Dean doesn't want to grow old together taking up Bobby's mantle... well—Sam will prove to him that he can still get out—that Sam can get him out—by crushing Lilith. Then in season 8 by closing the gates of Hell (long post that connects season 8 in here).

Sam gets Dean out at the end of season 5, and even soulless, Sam seeks out family, and he goes to hunting, while leaving Dean in the Apple Pie life Sam secured for him. Temporarily, Sam wins. He proves that Dean can get out and be happy. They repeat similar patterns in season 8 (8.14 and Sam promising to take Dean to the light at the end of the tunnel—again by stopping demons) and once again, Sam tries to prove Dean can be happy—both of them can—only this time, he fails. He begins cultivating the Bobby life for them in season 12 onward, and he thinks it's starting to work... except when it isn't—except when Dean still doesn't believe he can be saved—that he can be happy. Dean attempts suicide after losing Mary and Cas and Crowley. Dean doesn't believe they can beat Michael and he tries to drop himself in the ocean in a coffin and Sam's eyes burn with tears as he punches Dean and demands he believe Sam can save him.

All of this is also why Sam's ending is a tragedy. Sam's ending is a mourning pyre to a dead brother. It is Sam sitting with his greatest failure. It is himself, shoe-horned into the life he thought he could secure for Dean but failed to secure. It is the life Sam no longer wanted, but the only way he knows how to live if Dean is dead. He can't do it without his brother. He periodically goes out to sit in the car and mourn, closing his eyes and thinking of times gone by when Dean was here and Sam was happy—because Sam was a freak... but he wasn't alone. Dean was right there with him all the way.

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obsidiancreates · 1 year

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Random Into The Neon Rambles (Angsty 2012 Universe Stuff. I mean seriously sad, I cried writing it.)

So I've had the WORST brain fog lately (we keep intending to get a Covid test but it's been over a week and a half now since my breathing became like Just Swam Up From The Bottom Of The Pool But That All The Time and it still hasn't happened yet so IDK at this point, it's dependent on the cleaning schedules) and haven't been able to write SHIT so here's some completely word-vomit rambles about this AU.

April and Casey are still alive in the 2012 universe, but of course the boys died at 19 and I headcanon that they turned 19 in Season 4 and were 19 through all of Season 5 so that means Splinter is dead. The Mutanimals actually moved into the lair and take very good care of it, they set up a memorial to the boys right beside the one for Splinter. April and Casey see them often, Leatherhead took over the main care of Ice Cream Kitty, and they're all trying to get by. April's dad has his hands full these days, trying to be a grief counselor for all of them, and it's difficult because it's not his specialty. At this point he's always on the lookout for therapists and psychiatrists who are either mutant-friendly or, more ideally, mutants themselves.

There's actually quite a bit of focus now on finding and helping other mutants. The reason for the boys deaths was kind of the last Big Thing to happen, so there's not a lot of combat to do in the years following. The occasional alien issue, but April has been practicing and growing her powers with a focus that Casey likes to think is her way of honoring the turtles, specifically Leo and Donnie really, and The Mutanimals have been too.

The boys were alone together when they died. Partly by their own design, making sure no-one else got hurt... or worse.

They knew there was a strong chance they wouldn't make it out this time.

So Earth is well-protected by a powerful, grieving telekenetic/psychic/empath/ninja/general badass alongside a group of kick-ass mutant, a grieving Salamadarian soldier who keeps Raph's mask on her whenever she patrols, a grieving basically-son who's like 10 feet tall and can crush practically any enemy with his mace, a grieving best friend who's determined to carry both Mikey's kindness and ferocity with him always, a grieving teen who just lost some of the first people to truly help him after being kicked out for his mutation, and of course, a grieving big sister who lost her brothers the same way she lost her father and mother: before she could truly know them.

Yes, Karai knew the boys for a few years. But she never knew them outside of War. She never knew them in casual settings, she never even thought to try when they were alive. Now not only are they gone, but the last people who knew her father are, too. April tries to share stories of Splinter, but she can't tell Karai what he was like on birthdays. She can't tell her what he was like as a father, not just to teens, but through childhoods. Karai lost the last of her family before she could even fully appreciate finding them. She's trying, now. She helps a lot with the efforts to find and help mutants who have nowhere else to go. She takes a lot of them into her reformed Foot Clan, trains them to be able to defend themselves, and uses the vast network of international resources for anything that can help. She does it in remembrance of her father, who raised four little mutants as his sons, and those four sons, who accepted her and loved her even after she did horrible things to them more than once, who showed her there was a way beyond The Shredder's and helped her to be free of him.

April tries to find them sometimes. She never learned that kind of thing from Splinter, and her powers actually make it harder to connect to the spirit world sometimes. It's a different energy, one she isn't used to, and she has no teacher. She's felt, at most, a comforting presence, the faintest tough of a familiar paw, but nothing from the boys themselves. She can only hope that Splinter's assurance means they're okay, wherever they are in the universe.

Ice Cream Kitty was very confused for a while. She would yowl and yowl for Mikey. She would climb out of the freezer and drag herself to his room to look for him. At some point they put Mikey's mask in there with her, and a few of his comics. It helped.

They could all tell when she understood. That day, instead of finding her in his room after she escaped, she dragged herself to April in the dojo and meowed sadly until April held her. April cried. Ice Cream Kitty didn't make a peep. April felt the sadness of the kitty more strongly than the cold or stickiness of the ice cream in her arms.

It's been less time for them. The boys are 10 at this point in Into The Neon, for them it's been half the time. 5 years. April is in college, community college. She's not sure what she wants to go into. She thought biomedical for a while, but she kept wanting to ask Donnie for help when she got stuck.

She dropped the class.

Casey is mostly working with The Mutanimals. Leatherhead actually keeps trying to get him to take a break from it, concerned about how much he throws himself into battle. Casey is working on it. He had a breakthrough recently. He has Survivor's Guilt. The boys told him and April to go and convince any stragglers to evacuate, and they did. He wished he'd stayed. He knows he couldn't have stopped what happened, but his last interaction with any of them was a quick nod and a 'Got it.'

He believed they'd come back. Really. He knows April didn't, and tried to assure her. "Those guys are unkillable," he'd said. "If space aliens and Super Shredders couldn't get them, nothin' can!"

He remembers falling to his knees when they came back to the wreckage and saying "Just had to prove me wrong, didn't you?" It was the hollowest he'd ever felt, and he doesn't really remember the words like they came from him. He just remembers hearing them in his voice, distant and far away while he waited for someone to move, cough, shout at him to help them up already, anything.

They were buried on the farm, of course, next to their father. Doctor Cluckingsworth actually protects the graves from the other chickens, and when the others come to visit she usually comes by with some flowers she picked for them. She really only knew Mikey very well, but Mikey loved his brothers, and she remembers that.

The worst part was how peaceful everything became after. April was so angry that they didn't get to see it. That she's living in a world where, slowly, mutants are more able to be known and exist, where there's not a constant threat, where there's chances for harmless fun and just being happy, and they can't be there for it. When they announced a live-action reboot of Crognard she blew up the TV without even meaning to. She just saw it and thought 'I gotta tell Mikey' and then it was obliterated and she was sobbing in her dad's arms.

Casey actually does have something he's considering. He's been the one trying to keep the old vehicles in shape, and he thinks maybe he could be a mechanic or some kind of engineer. He thinks Donnie would laugh about the engineer thing because of all the math that takes, but he's gotten better at it. He has to use Donnie's old blueprints a lot to make sure he's not breaking The Shellraizer or The Party Wagon or the go-karts or anything else while trying to repair it, and you can't really pour over Donnie's stuff and work on the same things without absorbing a little. He's not a whiz by any means, can't do even a quarter what Donnie could, but they work together well. He remembers that every time he repairs a new hole Slash made by accident, or something Mondo accidentally ripped our with his tail while skating past, or anything like that. He remembers working on the hot rod in the barn with Donnie and wishes they made more wild things with each other instead of fighting all the time. He liked that Donnie matched his energy, could go toe-to-toe with him, that they could get into awful fights and rip each other apart verbally and it didn't really matter to either of them. He liked Raph for the same reason. And he liked Leo because he seemed all calm and cool but you could stoke a real fire out of him, and he liked Mikey for a similar reason-

He cries a lot while he's doing these repairs. It's a safe place to do it, and if any of the others have noticed (they have) they don't mention it. They never interrupt him, though he knows April is keeping a psychic eye on him most of the time. Whatever. He's keeping a (regular) eye on her all the time too. At least when he cries over their lost friends, it doesn't have a chance of rattling half the city like they're sitting on a fault line.

Chompy still refuses to fall asleep unless Mona is holding him and she has Raph's mask out. Chompy snuggled his face against it. Slash watches him when Mona can't, because for a while they were deeply worried about the little guy. He was depressed without Raph, and he got sick. It took a lot of patience and care to get him to the other side of that, and the two of them basically made it their whole purpose in life to keep Chompy going. For Raph.

Everyone's trying their best, all for the sake of the boys. For their memories.

They're having a hard time of it.

But they're trying.

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #angst #major character death #grief tw

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comraads · 8 months

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On God and Santa

When I was around five, I asked my mom the dreaded question about Santa Claus.

She’s recounted the story many times–it’s one of those “look how precocious she was” anecdotes that my family chuckles at. I asked if Santa was real, as many many kids do. My mom was in a bit of a tough spot, because she’d so far decided to parent with total honesty. She’d answered the “where do babies come from” in a very matter of fact, clinical way, but this was different. She was afraid that by telling me the truth, I’d lose something of that childhood joy and wonder. So she did the best she could–she wove a beautiful story about how Santa isn’t a real person, but rather the spirit of Christmas, an ideal that we all embody around the holidays. Santa was in the sound of a jingling bell, the whisper of wintery wind. It was, in my memory, quite poetic.

According to her retelling, I took this all in solemnly, nodding my head. After a small pause, I asked a follow-up question.

“Okay, but who puts the presents under the tree?”

I don’t think that many people realize the parallels between the Santa myth and God—at least from a child’s perspective. I knew by five years old that Santa wasn’t real, and it didn’t cause any kind of crisis in me. I wasn’t sad, I had rather suspected as much for a while. I also understood that I couldn’t say anything to the other children, or even to adults, because doing so would break the spell.

I viewed God in much the same way. Internally, I knew it was impossible that all the animals in the world fit on a single boat, or that a man had turned water into wine at a wedding. I assumed that the adults–at least most of them–knew this too, and that we were all going along with this whole God thing because, like Santa, it was somehow culturally important to do so. So I did. I went to church and sang the songs, I skipped dinner and breakfast before Fast Sundays, I even bore my testimony. And I began to understand–or at least I thought I did–why God was so important. It gave people meaning, answers, a code to live by. I liked the idea of there being a rulebook, perhaps for obvious reasons, and at that age, I saw the rules of my church as just as reasonable as any other. Do unto others and all that.

I continued to believe in God the way I “believed” in Santa, all the while assuming that everyone else was doing the same: until the moment when I stopped agreeing with His rules. Once I began to learn how my church thought about people who were different from us, the logical justification for belief failed. How could belief in God be so important if that belief was used to harm other people? On the contrary, it seemed to me that the most ethical thing would be to not believe in God, and to let people live their lives in a way that made them happy. By their own rules.

I tell this story because it’s one of many that, looking back on, makes it obvious that I was always different from other kids. I’ve spent all my life hiding this rich inner world from others, because I learned early on that they wouldn’t understand, or even worse, that what I was, truly, under the surface, somehow bad or wrong. That I didn’t belong. Kids always sniffed it out quickly, but as I got older and the mask grew more sophisticated, I was able to pass mostly unnoticed by neurotypical society. Maybe, if someone had thought to assess me younger, I would be a very different person than I am today. Maybe that would be better; maybe worse. The point is, I have always been like this, from my earliest memories, whether or not it was obvious from the outside.

When I confessed mid-meltdown to my PhD advisor what was happening and why, she responded with “I don’t think you’re autistic—you don’t seem autistic,” and that’s exactly why I’m writing this. I believe there are many people like me out there, who have gone through their life under the assumption that their experience is typical when in fact it is anything but. People who feel deep shame and guilt over who they are because they don’t know that they are overcoming remarkable odds each day by continuing to function (even semi-effectively) in a world that is openly hostile to them. Getting my diagnosis was life-changing for me because I finally understood why I had always struggled with things that seemed simple for others, why I was prone to depressive episodes and burnouts. Most importantly, it gave me the freedom to embrace myself for who I was, to heal long festering emotional wounds, and to seek joy without embarrassment or shame.

Sometimes I envy people who genuinely believe in God. I only realized as an adult how many of them are not pretending, but in fact have a kind of unshaking faith and there's something beautiful in that. I don't think I've ever experienced what people call faith. I think it can be helpful for people to believe in something bigger than ourselves, even if it is a jealous sky daddy. But then I remember the question "who puts the presents under the tree" and I think maybe we shouldn't be so quick to give credit to God for things when all the best--and worst--outcomes of religion have come from people acting in God's name.

#autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #religion #religious trauma #therapy blog

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dreamerofasgard · 6 months

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Artifacts of Merlin

Chapter One - Old Journals

Draco Malfoy x Ravenclaw Fem! Reader

Concept: I'm a huge fan of The Mummy movies from 1999 & 2001. I wanted a fun, adventure, action-packed, and slightly comedic mashup filled with magic and love. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Summary: In an alternate universe Voldemort was officially defeated by Harry Potter during his first year at Hogwarts. The world of Witches and wizards has finally known peace. While the golden trio has not so many big grand adventures a Ravenclaw student, Y/n Constantine, with help from her childhood friend Draco Malfoy, stumble on a discovery of a lifetime. She enlists the help of her classmates and friends. Hermione Granger, one of the best witches she knows, and Luna Lovegood one of her roommates and a very insightful person. Where this artifact will take them they don't know. Will friendships evolve into something more? Or will tensions between the group come in the way of the answers? Will Hermione punch Draco in the face again? maybe Will Luna make out-of-pocket comments? probably Will the quest change them or will the quest change the world?

Word Count: 2.5k

Playlist - If you wanna listen to it. 😊

Ch1 Ch2 Ch3

Warning: swearing, blood status, cute nicknames <3

Y/n POV

Summer had come and gone all too soon but just as summer came to an end, a new school year filled with excitement was about to begin you thought as you slowly sat up in your bed. This would be the start of your fifth year at Hogwarts and you were beyond excited to see your friends again. Though you lived not too far from some of them, that didn't mean you didn't miss seeing them every day.

As you got out of bed a familiar owl tapped on your bedroom window. Making your way over to the window you let the eagle owl in as he drops a letter for you. Smiling you pick up the letter and give the eagle owl a snack before it flies off.

The envelope is black with a green wax seal with the Malfoy family crest pressed into the wax, Draco. He was your friend and neighbor since you were small but despite 'the prince' of Slytherin's' tough and arrogant persona he was still that kind-hearted kid you used to play with all those years ago. You opened the letter and began to read it.

The letter reads:

Y/n,

Meet me in my mother's garden as soon as you can, I found something in the library that might be worth looking into regarding your favorite subject. I know that clever mind of yours can't say no to a puzzle like the one I've found. See you soon Pegasus.

~Your favorite troublemaker

Draco

PS. I know you'll meet Granger at Platform 9¾ tomorrow but please don't tell that know it all about this. Don't want her telling Potter and Weasbee.

You sighed as Draco was indeed your favorite troublemaker despite his attitude towards some of your friends, especially Hermione Granger. You thought back to your first adventures with Draco as you got ready for the day. You met each other around the age of five when you moved from London to Wiltshire after your grandmother passed. Your parents’ inherited the family mansion, the house seemed gigantic as a child when you first moved in but once you met Draco the house turned into a stage for great adventures.

You smiled at the memory of meeting Draco the first time, it was one day late spring after you finally finished moving into the mansion. Mr. And Mrs. Malfoy came over and introduced themselves while Draco held onto his mother’s hand tightly till he saw you. Both your parents smiled as you invited Draco to come play while your parents talked about things going on within the Ministry of Magic.

Things were simpler back then as little kids. You'd both spend most of your summers exploring each other's mansions, reading in the libraries what you could, and having your 'Adventures' in the gardens. You smiled at the memories as you started to get ready. You put on a pair of dark grey shorts, a black tank top, and a denim jacket with your black ankle boots. You looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled to yourself as you put on some light makeup and French braided your h/c hair. Taking a deep breath as you stand up from your vanity and grab your messenger bag putting it on your shoulder. Making your way downstairs you grabbed two green apples from the kitchen island and made your way towards Malfoy Manor.

Draco's POV

It was a little over a half hour since Draco sent Y/n that letter. She would come over to see what he had found, she always did when it could be a new adventure for them. But this time something felt different about this one. He was pacing in the kitchen as one of the house elves prepared breakfast for Draco and Narcissa.

"Draco darling, please sit and eat. You're gonna make the floor warp from all your pacing" Narcissa said as she watched her son pace anxiously.

"Sorry, Mum. It's just that Y/n is coming over soon and I have to tell her about a puzzle I found." Draco said quietly as he sat down across from his mother at the kitchen table. His mother smiled at him as one of the house elves put breakfast on the table.

"Y/n is an extraordinary girl," Narcissa said as she started eating breakfast, "And a pretty one too," she said while smiling at her son.

"Yeah she is," Draco said as a blush formed on his cheeks before he realized what he said, "I mean she is pretty but she's just a friend mum," he said trying to change the subject.

"Right, a friend who is a girl who is closer to you than that one girl you briefly dated last year. What was her name again? Patrica? Piper? Prudence?" Narcissa said teasing her son about his developing feelings for Y/n.

"Pansy mum. She started dating Blaise this summer," He said as he groaned thinking about his short relationship with Pansy that turned out to be nothing other than friends. He was happy for his friends' relationship but he wondered if his friendship with Y/n was just a friendship.

"Ah yes, Pansy. She and Blaise will make a cute couple," she says looking at how her son reacted to her teasing, "Now what is this puzzle you want to show Y/n?", she said after taking a sip of her tea and looking at her son who had barely touched his food.

"Well you know how Y/n is practically obsessed with Merlin and Morgan le Fay's history," Draco said as he looked out the kitchen window smiling as he continued, "I may have found something referencing Merlin but it's in a code," he said as he saw Y/n slowly making her way to the manor.

"Another one of your little quests," Narcissa said referring to how the two would make up 'quests' when they were younger as she looked out the window she saw Y/n opening the back gate. "Well, I'll let you two start your new adventure," she said as she got up and took their plates to the sink.

Y/n POV

Walking up to the gate of Malfoy Manor you felt a bit of excitement as you slowly opened the large gate. You saw Draco in the kitchen window talking with his mother as you slowly made your way through the huge backyard. You always liked Draco's mother Narcissa, she always made you feel welcome whenever you and Draco hung out despite Lucius not wanting you around much since you called him out on his pureblood bullshit.

"Ah Ms. Constantine to what do I owe the pleasure of you visiting this morning," Lucius said coldly as he looked at you from his table under a willow tree.

"Good Morning Mr. Malfoy. Draco had something he wanted to show me so I came over as soon as could," you said trying to sound your normal pleasant self which was hard since Lucius Malfoy made your blood boil most times.

"Draco is in the kitchen with his mother, Good day Ms. Constantine," He said as he simply waved you off as he picked up his cup of tea, and the Daily Prophet completely uninterested in you.

"Good day," you said as you continued making your way to the garden which was past the kitchen you started to calm down.

Despite being friends with Draco for so long and knowing the Malfoy's for most of your life you could never get used to Lucius Malfoy's attitude and cold demeanor. Thankfully unlike her husband, Narcissa enjoyed you and was pleasant and kind, unlike her husband. As you walked past one of the kitchen windows you saw Narcissa talking with the house elves. She was much kinder to the house elves and treated them as if they were people rather than servants. As you continued on you saw Draco pacing as he had a few books on the small garden table.

"You know if you keep pacing like that the grass will stop growing Draco," you chuckled as you walked up to the pacing boy scaring him out of his thoughts.

"Bloody Hell Y/n you scared me," Draco said as he looked at you and clenched his chest as some of his hair fell over his eyes.

"Well it's your fault you were too deep in your thoughts that you didn't notice me," you said as you threw him an apple before taking a bite of your own, "Now what do you have for me to solve," smirking as you watched Draco catch the apple and smile at you.

"Good morning to you too," smiling as he took a bite of the apple, "So I was looking through the library since my father bought another old book collection. I looked through them and found that a few books were written entirely in some code."

"Some code or just Old English," you took out a magnifying glass from your bag before setting the bag down beside one of the chairs.

"Very Funny Y/n. But Old English I can translate. This is something beyond my skill level, surprisingly," Draco said a bit annoyed as he watched you examine the text carefully line by line.

"Surprisingly," you chuckle as you continue to examine the text.

As you examined the text it was indeed in some form of code but none that you have seen before. In the past few years while at Hogwarts, you developed a reputation of being one of the best 'code breakers' and helped translate books and texts for some extra credit for Professor Binns. After looking over the first couple of pages you take a notebook out and start writing down a few sentences and phrases. This was definitely one of the harder codes to crack but several words seemed to repeat creating a pattern in the code.

~After a few hours and several breaks later. ~

You close your notebook in excitement as you look up at Draco beaming with joy.

"You found something?" he said as he knew that smile meant you had figured out part of the puzzle.

"Maybe, these other two books are the same code?" looking at the other books around the same size but instead of being tome, they were older looking as if from the early 10th century which was most likely magically preserved.

"Well that's the thing," he said as he reached past you to pick up one of the leather-bound books, "I think these are journals," opening the book you see a neat handwriting that was oddly similar to a few books in the restricted section.

"Draco where did your father get these again?" looking up at the boy who was so close you could feel his breath on you as you looked up to those gray eyes.

"He didn't, unfortunately," Draco said as he looked at those e/c eyes of yours and smiled, "But if you look here," he opened to the last page of the one journal where there was a name on the bottom left corner.

"Merlin.." you said as if you couldn't believe what your own eyes were seeing as this was one of the journals of Merlin himself. "Draco you need to bring these wit-"

"Me to Hogwarts so that you can research it more and figure out what actually happened to Merlin this could be one of the biggest discoveries of all wizard kind," he said smiling as he closed both books, "I'm way ahead of you Pegasus, as always."

"I wouldn't say always, Dragon," dropping the nickname you gave him when you were younger and found out about his namesake. Just as he did when he found out your birthday coincided with the constellation Pegasus. Both of you smiled at each other as you packed up your bag again.

"So will you be on the train with Granger, Pottah, and Weasbee tomorrow?" he asked cautiously and dryly as he watched you pack up your stuff not wanting you to go just yet.

"Do I sense a hint of jealousy from the 'prince' of Slytherin? Because green is your color after all." teasing your best friend as you finish packing up turning to look at him as his arms are now crossed and he's looking at you with a mix of jealousy, anger, and hurt in his eyes. You always hated to see when he got like this but you suppose that's what happens when your father is a prick.

"Draco," you said softly as you walked up to him taking one of his hands, "We can sit together on the train after I say hello to Minoe and Luna. Plus we can look at these journals more. If you can sneak them out of the Manor," you say trying to calm him down.

"Taking them to Hogwarts will be easy, unlike avoiding Weasbee and Granger's arguments all year. I still don't know why you are friends with that bloo-," Draco stopped himself before saying something he knew you'd hate him for, "Bloody idiot." he said as he looked away.

"Well, I mean it comes with being friends with Mione. I can normally tolerate Ron but lately, it's just weird," looking down at the ground you think about how the train ride at the end of the year felt strange.

"I know how much you can't stand the tension between Granger and Weasbee as of late. You told me that much," chuckling as holds your hand gently thinking back to your hour-long rant.

It was true that Hermione and Ron had some weird tension between each other since the Yule Ball. Some kind of jealousy sparked in Ron whenever Hermione was around Viktor Krum. Now every time Hermione gets close to another boy Ron calls her out. It was driving you insane how dense Ron actually was.

"I just wish Minoe could tell that thick-headed boy how she felt about him. It's so obvious that the whole school can see it," you say as you look at how you are holding hands with Draco and blush a bit.

"Weasbee is as dense as they come especially when he tried to hex me with that broken wand," he says as he starts laughing which in turn makes you laugh.

"Stop it that was terrible for Ron," giggling as you playfully hit him on the shoulder.

"The number of slugs that he," Draco couldn't get the words out as he continued laughing.

You both stood there laughing for a bit as you remembered the slug incident. You remembered also how confused Draco was as you yelled at him for calling Hermione a 'mud blood'. From that day on anything he said about blood status was almost always followed by you yelling at him about how outdated those views were. And after almost 4 months of yelling and lecturing him, Draco started to think differently. As both of you eventually regained the ability to speak again you remembered that you still needed to pack.

"Shit, I gotta go pack," letting go of Draco's hand and giving him a small hug. "I'll see you tomorrow Draco."

"See you tomorrow Y/n." He smiled as he hugged you before he watched you walk home.

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theerurishipper · 1 year

Text

Breaking my silence because my childhood is ending.

Idk how to feel about this info if I'm being honest. The new designs look good, the new protagonists look like good beans and I think that it is time for a change. Even I'm not sure what more they could have done with Ash anymore. And if I'm being honest, this really is the best place to leave off. Journeys wasn't the best, but that goes to show just how much they didn't know what to do anymore. And at the 25 year mark? This was going to happen. I'm glad we get the 11 episodes to wrap it up and I am going to cherish those.

On the other hand... Ash and Pikachu are my childhood. The reason I kept on with the Pokeani. The characters who were there for me through some really hard times in my life. I've always looked up to them. Two of my most beloved fictional characters, silly as it sounds. I know the Pokeani brings back companions, but this is the end. They're all just gone. This really sounds stupid, I know, but it's how it is. They were my entire reason for watching, and if they're not there? I don't think I want to keep watching. I'll probably check in on the anime every now and then, but other than that? I think I'm done.

This is the end of a journey for me, I suppose. Kind of bittersweet. I've been with this anime for so long, it's hard to see it all come to an end. But Ash is leaving, and Pikachu is leaving, and I'm leaving with them. I always just assumed that the anime would always be there for me because there's no way they would actually retire Ash and Pikachu, but I guess nothing lasts. They had a good run. I had a good run. It's time to let go now. Their journey is over, and mine ends with them.

So thank you, Ash and Pikachu, for the memories and happiness you gave me during my tough times. You helped me through it. Every character gave someone somewhere in the world so much happiness, and you deserve to be thanked for it. So goodbye, you guys, and thank you for everything.

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ray-writes-n-shit · 3 days

Note

can we have an oc tour?

OMG???? YES OF COURSE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE DHGEGSV🖤

lol, okay now for my characters. like I said in my pinned post, I only have one WIP (thank god) so I only have a few OCs from there, so I’ll give a little explanation of who they are and their place in the story

this is essentially their basic info and backgrounds, stuff that affects their character arcs no matter where i end up going with this story (this will be SO cluttered I’m sorry😭) (also I decided on just doing the siblings + Ally because I have TOO many things to say about these mfs)

tw: csa, substance abuse, child abuse, implication of pedophilia and incest

. . .

Alejandra: Alejandra is the main protagonist and my baby girl❤️ She’s sixteen, making her the youngest in the family and earning her a lot of room to be disrespected. She’s often told she acts “grown” or “fast” but really she just wants to be tough. She wants to scare people and keep them away so they don’t hurt her. She’s loud, arrogant, and loves a good fight. But she struggles with self-harm as well as anger issues, causing her to be expelled from school on more than one occasion despite her intelligence. She’d been in and out of mental facilities and therapists’ offices since her family found out she had been assaulted at twelve-years-old. Rumors spread about the assault around town and in her school, to which she was bullied. She was also often harassed about who the perpetrator was. She pretended for the longest time that she didn’t know who it was, not wanting to get her father in trouble. But since losing her memories, she’s really forgotten.

Her whole deal is that, after a long life of traumatic experiences with her dad, she has enough and starts using drugs to make it go away, getting addicted in the process. However, the drugs she uses only cause her memories to open up further, and through them she discovers she has some weird abilities relating to emotions and memories where she can feel what someone else is feeling if their emotions are strong enough. She can do many other things such as enter other’s minds or her own. But one day, she wakes up without her memories. At least, not the bad ones. At once, the story becomes something of a quest to get them all back. (We’re kinda playing by Life Is Strange rules here where the abilities aren’t really explained but are more of a literary/story device)

Little Ally: “Ally” is who gets the plot rolling along. She’s the eight-year-old version of Alejandra, as well as the exact opposite of her. She’s sweet, soft-spoken, and so painfully meek. When Alejandra’s childhood began to crumble, Ally was able to retreat back into a little peaceful corner of Alejandra’s mind where she could rest eternally. But now that Alejandra’s memories are gone, Ally’s all that’s left, and she just wants to go back. She appears only to Alejandra and serves to offer advice and help in recovering Alejandra’s memories as best as she can. She disappears or hides when Alejandra is with her father.

. . .

Cinthia: Cinthia is the eldest daughter (twenty-one-years-old) and Alejandra’s favorite sibling. She’s cool, mature, witty, although distant. Cinthia is also known for her often selfish behavior, but in her mind she’s simply looking out for number one. She grew up looking after her siblings while the adults in the house were dealing with their own issues. At a young age, she fell into prostitution to try and support herself as well as her siblings. And these days, she plans on keeping her earnings. She wanted to stop, but she just couldn’t find a way to escape it. Upon realizing she’d never find relief of her situation, she turned to alcohol. She often pulls dangerous stunts like bringing over clients to the house, or will be gone for days at a time.

Her father was verbally abusive since she was little, telling her how she wasn’t pretty enough or good enough to do anything meaningful with her life. All she’d ever wanted was for someone to tell her she was doing enough, or to be told even pitifully that, yes, she was beautiful. That she didn’t have to listen to her father’s cruel words any longer. But she never did get that.

. . .

Elias: Elias is the middle sibling (eighteen-years-old), and—as if that wasn’t bad enough—possibly the most emotionally stunted out of the entire family. He’s sensitive, but he’d do whatever it takes to hide that side of himself. He wants to be the “man of the house” so to speak. Brave, confident, take no bullshit (or responsibility)—he wants to be a leader. But he finds the overwhelming guilt in his heart turning him rather soft. But that softness hardens once more into a stone wall of resentment and frustration. As well as fear. Elias finds himself taking out this fear and anger on Alejandra. After being blamed for so long by his father for not protecting her from the assault, he began to internalize it. He wants so badly to keep her safe now, but his overprotective nature blurs the line between love and tyranny.

. . .

holy shit this is so long lmfao

ughhh I feel like I did so bad on this one I’m so sorry I got this out so late!!

I promise you my actual writing is not this cluttered I swear😭

anyways feel free to share ur thoughts on them!!

#oc questions #my ocs #ocs #writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #I love them sm y’all have no idea

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tkworks80 · 1 year

Text

Chapter One

Trigger Warnings: Violence, rape, held captive, mistreatment, verbal abuse, neglect

Note this was from my ao3 but, I thought I could make this story better let me know what you guys think.

Y/N MEMORIES POV

You were wondering how you had fallen into this fucked up situation. He was never like this before back then he was the sweetest boy and you thought that you were a lucky girl to have him as a friend. You remembered the first time you met Shoto, he was always alone in kindergarten. No one wanted to play with him due to his very quiet nature and you being a very outgoing kid extended a hand and invited him to play with you. You both helped each other out during your elementary school years. You knew that he had a messed up childhood because every time you went to his house you had seen Shoto being dragged into a training area by his father. And, every time he was finished he always had tears in his eyes. You tried to comfort him when he had those days with his father. Shoto missed his mom too. He had told you that his dad took his mom somewhere and that his mom would be gone for a couple of months. His mom harmed him and he was out of school for a couple of weeks, when he returned. Everything changed in him, he became anxious and even quieter. Those days were tough on him. He sighed every time the clock hit 2:25 pm knowing that school ends around 2:30 pm. The kids in school didn’t help either, every day you had to defend him all the while he kept getting sad.

“Shut up! Todoroki-kun’s scar is very pretty...I like his face” y/n defended.

And that’s when they became thick as thieves in and out of school. Everywhere she went, he followed, and vice versa. They grew up and he developed feelings for y/n. Unfortunately, you were very oblivious to his true feelings. And, eventually, he went to UA Highschool for hero training where you moved to America. Leaving him alone without your warmth. He was very angry. He almost talked to his father to beg him to get you back but didn't. During the UA Sports Festival, y/n called Shoto encouraging him to do his best. And, he did when he had to fight Izuku during the one-on-one fights. After it was over the next day y/n called him congratulating him for receiving second place and that she was so proud of him. Instead of smiling at the words of congratulations, he closed his fists missing y/n even more. At that moment he wanted to confess his true feeling towards you but couldn’t seem to find the words to express how he felt and when you guys finished your phone call. He was angry because you left him and didn’t have a chance to say anything. Yeah, he made friends in UA but they are not you.

He met Momo in class a couple of days after they started. They even had to partner up for the final exam where they had to handcuff their teacher Aizawa. They started to develop feelings after the final exam was over.

He called y/n on the phone and explained that he was making friends and that he is happy and he even met someone. Trying to make y/n jealous but, it was the exact opposite she was very happy that he made a place there. He quickly said his goodbyes to y/n and hung up. He felt so numb at this point giving up on y/n ever coming back.

Meanwhile, after you hung up you felt a little twang of sadness. You missed Shoto very much and tried your best to keep in touch with him but, life happens and soon you guys lost touch with each other. Other than you watching him once in a while on tv.

PRESENT

Chains clanked together as you were struggling to get to the bathroom. Blood and dirt were caked on your body from the previous activities of your captor. The smell of blood, dirt, and sweat filled the padded room. A sudden sensation of wanting to urinate but you hesitated due to the dry penetration the Shoto caused you but, it quickly faded and the urge became stronger than your hesitation. Dragging your feet to get to the bathroom still feeling the pull from the heavy chains on your ankles. It stung really badly due to the chafing from the shackles. Making your way to the bathroom you almost fell on your chains but held on to the door frame. The fluorescent lights kept flicking on and off causing you to be so disoriented there were times you had to crawl to the bathroom.

Dreading the sound of the padded door opening because you knew it was HIM. You were cold because heaven forbid your piece of shit -friend- captor would give you a blanket. He had no ounce of humanity in him, no mercy. He had changed for the worst and you can’t help but, wonder what the fuck happened to him after you left.

Sitting in the corner of the padded room, the drugs wore off hours ago causing you to feel the injuries that your captor inflicted on your emaciated body. Your body was barely capable of healing itself due to being malnourished. Eyes sunken in with no emotion but just a little flicker of hope for escaping. You tried to tuck your knees in so that you can make yourself look small and you closed your eyes. Sleeping was another way of escaping reality but, how long would sleep last?

You woke up to find HIM standing over you. Hoping it was just another nightmare he picked you up and wrinkled his nose.

“You smell like shit y/n…no woman should fucken smell like rotten fish…shit y/n” Shoto stated. “You're taking a bath, NOW!” Shoto yelled while taking you to the bathroom. You felt nothing but, disgust from the touch of your captor.

You noticed that the bath was full but, didn’t have any steam which means it was cold. You braced yourself before he threw you in a very cold bath causing you to hold your breath out of shock. You struggled to get out of the icy bath but Shoto pushed you back inside. Amused by the shock and the flailing limbs. He then proceeded to scrub you harshly to the point that you felt like your thin layer of skin might fall off. Hoarse muffled screams left your mouth. Once he was finished he opened the drain plug and left you there naked, shaking, cold, and in pain.

He returned with a towel, took you out of the bathtub, and laid you on the floor. Shaking you tried to dry yourself off.

“Please (cough) just (cough) kill me(cough, cough) Shoto” you whispered

“You're my property y/n...I do what I please with MY property” he said while walking out of the door. Leaving you shivering, choking, and with only a very damp towel to stay warm for hours. You heard the door close and began to cry out of anger and frustration.

Momo and Shoto’s POV

“Hey, honey...how was your day?” Momo cheerfully greeted her husband.

“It was fine, baby...sorry I’m late I had something very urgent come up” Shoto smiled warmly.

Shoto gave Momo a great big hug and kissed her affectionately. Momo smiled back at him. He then proceeded to walk into the bathroom to take a bath. Leaning his head back against the bathtub with nothing but the sound of drip, drip, drip echoing through the bathroom. Thinking of today's arduous work from his agency and y/n. How much can she endure? He thought about it, sighed, and submerged his head in the bathwater. He won’t think about it now, after all, he’s with the woman he loves and married. Walking out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist he went to the bedroom to change into some sweats, towel still on his shoulders.

Walking into his study and locking it behind him because of being a private man, he turned on his computer. Clicking on the surveillance camera to y/n’s padded room he observed her naked form trying to cover herself with the towel in the corner of the room. Smirking, he grabbed himself a straight scotch to drink.

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bootlegfrank · 5 months

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Hey. You don't have to post this, but the last few weeks I've been crying off and on in what my therapist says is "a new stage towards healing" (ig) about what I never had and how bad I miss my abusive dad. I really really really really know what it feels like and I hope you can have a really really good day soon where you can forget about it for a while, and I hope my therapist is right and this is getting closer to the time where we can feel better about it all and it won't hurt so much. I used to be so fucking angry, but now I'm just sad, and I just want him to hug me, when all he did was hurt me. I just want you to know how EXACTLY that post described me and you are not alone.

I wanted to post this because I really wanted to let you know that it has made me feel at peace to know that there's other people who feel the same.

It has been many years now since I packed one bag of belongings and got out of the situation with my mother, and it has been a tough road. One of the first nights I was away I woke up with purple bruises on my hands from clenching my fists and digging my nails in during my sleep because I had nightmares about her. I used to be so scared of her, and I was angry for many many years. I've gotten better, and I've gotten older, and I've gone no contact with her and that was essential in my healing. I've recently started to talking to her again very sporadically and I know that's the cause for my recent crying and nightmares. What hits me the most is that looking back at my childhood, things had never been alright. I don't have many memories but for every stage of my life she has done something to hurt me, to change me, to traumatise me. I used to be very angry at that, but now I'm just mostly grieving what could've been. My mother is ill and nothing can change that, and no matter how much I want to have had a normal childhood, that's not possible.

Thank you for sharing your story with me, and for making me feel less alone. I know we will both get through this, even if the road is steep and tough. You're so strong and I'm sending you lots of good vibes.

#and i never had my dad really during my childhood #i can make peace with a lot of things my mother has done and is but never that. i will never forgive her for keeping me away from my dad #anyway things are just tough when you think back on your childhood and realise Everything was just a little not right #also theres a part of me thats scared i have the same illness as my mother. and might even end up like her #but i think many children of abusive parents feel that way. afraid that theyll turn out like their parents #and i think that insight is a very good indicator that youre on the right path to being better #thats what i keep telling myself #personal #irl #tw abuse #vent #text #asks

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wh3r3sth3l0ve · 5 months

Text

Sora x Tifa

Part 5

Part 4 below

Sora calmed himself down eventually, sobbing from time to time with embarrassment. He couldn’t make himself look at her. Tifa waited patiently, giving him the time he needed.

A few minutes later he finally found the courage to look her in the eyes.

- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t.

- Seems to me that you should. - she answered quietly. - When was that?

- Five years ago, more or less. - he answered, embarrassed even more.

- Five years… Did you tell anyone about it? - she asked, knowing what the answer was.

- No. This was the first time.

Tifa was shocked. “How did he manage to live with that amount of pain?” she thought.

Sora said:

- I haven't seen anybody since that day. I just took gummi ship and flew away. Sometimes I wonder if they forgot about me. I wonder if she’s happy. - he sighed and his face went darker. - One thing I am sure about is I don’t love her anymore either. Not after all those years, after all this suffering. I care about her, yes, but I don’t love her. And it makes me even sadder. - he ended quietly.

Tifa didn’t know how to respond to that. She was looking at him, not believing her eyes. She remembered him as a cheerful, warm and caring person and the man she had before her was nothing but sad.

- I can’t let you be alone tonight. You’re sleeping at my place.

Sora tried to argue but her mind was made up.

- Come on. I’ll make you some tea.

He had no choice so he followed her to her house. As they approached the doorstep, Tifa stopped him.

- Normally I don’t invite anyone inside. I’m doing this just for you and just this one time, ok?

- Yeah, got it. Thanks.

- And don’t you dare telling anyone about it.

- Yes, ma’am.

She looked at him softly and invited him inside. Sora looked around and instantly felt better.

- Make yourself at home.

- I already did.

He sat on the couch and watched her bustling around. “I like her”, he thought.

Tifa handed him a cup of hot tea and sat by. They were sipping in silence. Sora looked at her quickly and noticed she’s smiling at him. He smiled back.

- You smiled! - she noticed. - That’s Sora I know.

- Enough about me. - he said with embarrassment. - Tell me something about you.

She looked up on the ceiling, trying to think of what to say.

- Well, you’ve told me about your friends, so I think I should do the same. - she looked at him with a smile. - You know Cloud, so I’ll leave that one out.

- Actually, I don’t remember much. I have this big blank space in my memory before the Keyblade War.

- So you’ve lost, how much, sixteen years? - she looked shocked. - Why?

- Yeah, it seems like it. I have those scratches, flashbacks in my head that I try to connect but nothing more. It happened when I ran away from the Island.

Tifa couldn’t believe his words. “He truly loved her”, she thought and felt a sudden urge to cuddle up to him and give him comfort but resisted it.

- Well then, about Cloud. He’s my childhood friend. We lost contact when he joined SOLDIER but years later we reunited as he quit working for Shinra. He’s quiet, secretive and always playing tough but deep in his heart he's a warm and good person.

- Tall guy with blonde spiky hair? Carrying a massive blade. - Sora intensified his memory of the flashback from before.

- Yeah, he's the one. - Tifa answered, smiling. - Then there’s Barrett. Another tough guy, all muscles but with a big warm heart. Father to Marlene. He has a gun for an arm and cares a lot about friends and the planet.

Biggs - good, loyal, funny, you can always count on him.

Wedge is the warmest person I know. Always hungry and a little lacking self confidence.

- Only guys? And what about… Aerith? She was your friend too, am I right? - Sora asked as he thought harder.

- Yeah… Aerith’s… gone.

Her face turned sad.

- Sorry, I didn’t know.

- How could you? She was already gone when you met her…

#story #fanfic #cardiophilia #ff7 tifa #kh sora

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anxietysslave · 5 months

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Ranting; A bittersweet goodbye

So starting this off, I think I'm going to start a ranting side of Tumbler as well as the stories. Sometimes sharing thoughts and feelings out into the open can help others, or can help me because people might be able to explain or just conversation. So here's one thought that's been in my head. I think the hardest thing for me to accept is death itself. Or even goodbyes. How do you say goodbye? How do you let those memories go? Recently, a YouTuber I grew up with known as Game Theory retired. Like everyone else, he’s not safe from the decay of time. Or wanting things to go back to how they were. He wanted to settle down and live with his family in the present, rather than through a camera. Which I understand completely. But at the same time… It hurts. I grew up with him. He was someone I looked up to for a long time, along with other YouTubers. And now… He’s going to be just a memory. It’s a bittersweet feeling, isn’t it? It makes me happy seeing them live their lives, but also sad because it means any memories I had are over now. A good start with a bitter-sweet ending. Some say one door closes, and another opens. But where do those doors lead to? It’s not going to be the first childhood idol I’m going to have to say goodbye to. Soon it’ll be the ones I’ve known even longer since I was 5 or 6. The feeling of getting home from school, putting YouTube on, and watching them play old crappy games of the 2000s was such a nice feeling. It brought comfort, joy, and so much more. I still get that, although it does not feel as cloudly, or hazy as it used to. And now, as the days go by, I get older. And they get way older. Someday instead of mourning their channel loss, it’ll be their death. And that’s a hard pill to swallow. These people have never met me, and never will probably. But they’ve all been such a big inspiration to me. They’ve molded who I am today and changed me for the better. At least I hope so.

When school gets tough, or when I’m struggling, their videos help me calm down. Their videos still bring me a sense of peace, even though it may not be as strong as when I was a kid. And I believe a lot of people feel that way. These days are scary, colder, and just so much more different than what anyone is used too. So of course, just like everything around us and ourselves, they change with time. People like to think it’s them that caused it, but it never was. We grew up, our eyes forcibly opened by many factors. And even those who haven’t, they’ve changed a lot since they were a kid. A lot of people say they never do, but all it takes is a look at a picture. Anytime I see photos of me when I was younger, I see a few similar things. But that’s it. My eyes look different, my smile, my hair, my physical appearance, how I present myself, everything has changed. Which is probably why these goodbyes hurt more. I try to go into denial as a coping mechanism. I deny they’re gone; I deny I won’t see them again, I pretend one day I’ll go on YouTube and there’s a new video uploaded an hour ago. But deep down, I know it isn’t going to happen. It’s crazy how YouTube became my coping mechanism in a way. I turned to people like Game Theory or Jacksepticeye, Markiplier, Dantdm, and even more. They have no idea who I am or anything about me. But it feels like they’re almost a parental figure to me. That sounds weird, but I have no other way to put it. So when you say goodbye to them, it hurts more than ever. Because I see them as someone close to me. Maybe it’s a bad thing, maybe it’s not. I can’t say. Human emotions, human thoughts, they’re all so complex. Even for me to understand. I can’t explain anything about why I feel how I do. I’m not a doctor. I’m no neuroscientist. I’m someone who just tries their best to get to where they want to be in life. To learn to find joy in small things like the wind, the cold or warm breeze in the air, the white snow that falls on the ground, and even something as bad as the natural disasters that harm us. I’m not a genius or anything of that sort. And even they can’t explain the reason we feel sad, or why we form connections to people we’ve never met or animals. The only thing we all have are estimations. There are no true or false answers. And who knows, maybe one day a goodbye won’t feel so bittersweet, or maybe I can come to terms with the fact that those who pass on are no longer here with us on this earth. That’s weird, isn’t it? I understand death, but at the same time, emotionally I don’t understand it. My brain can’t seem to grasp or doesn’t want to grasp the fact that someone’s gone. That I can never see them again. And although the Game Theory creators, Mat and Steph are not dead, it hits that way to me. In a way at least.

I just wish them well in their next chapter. This ones come to an end, and all the fans can agree that it's been an amazing and long one. So many times everyone would debate these theories or help look for evidence. Others would argue about whether it's right or wrong, and then a lot of the time Mat would be proven right. I wonder, what journey will we all take next? What will be the start of our new chapters as we enter 2024?

Requests and other related stuff: https://www.tumblr.com/anxietysslave/708212002841083904/masterlist?source=share

#rant post #blog #thoughts #feelings #game theory

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mydarlingdahlia · 9 months

Text

Fuck it.

*writes a KNY x Genshin crossover self insert*

Spoilers below~

“…Kanroji. Do you have any childhood memories that you can recall? The good ones, at least.”

Mitsuri paused. She never called her that. Oh dear…is something wrong? Well, something always had been, ever since she came back. She had never been the same as she once was, not since she was taken.

Oh, what had happened to her? What had happened to the young childhood friend she once knew? She was no longer young, now. The bright, bubbly shimmer to her eyes had been long gone. Her once, fair, olive skin had been tainted with scars and blemishes.

Her hair had grown so much that it covered one side of her face. She never let anyone see that side, anyway…

Barely twenty one, and she had already seen the horrors and griefs of someone much advanced in their years. A girl, stripped of innocence and the joys of early life. And in her place, a woman. One who had built up a tough shell to protect herself from the outside world.

“Yes, I do. I suppose I have quite a few…” Mitsuri responded, sitting next to her. Placing her hand next to her friend’s, she looked up at her face.

Mitsuri could not see the woman’s face, as her hair was blocking most of it, but she could tell that her gaze was focused on the burning fire in the fireplace front of them.

…Her hair. That had been something that her friend had always cherished. Mitsuri even admired it, too.

From a young age, her friend’s hair had always been so beautiful. Gentle curls that were soft to the touch, amazing volume, and well maintained. Over the years, it had changed. Not much, but Mitsuri noticed.

Her hair wasn’t as short as it once was, now going past her chest and near her lower waist. Not as well kept, but still neat. Gold bands adorned some of the tight braids that were woven in some parts of her hair. Mitsuri hadn’t noticed those before.

“I don’t remember much of my childhood. Or what was good about it, anyway.” her friend said. It pained Mitsuri to see her darling familiar like this.

Her voice had once been bright, full of energy and emotion. Now it was darker, far off, and mysterious. Oh, where had the time gone? If only she had been there…

“Lottie…”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, Mitsy.”

Mitsuri’s eyes widened. She hadn’t called her that since they were children. It made her so overcome with joy, yet so sad to hear that nickname again.

Mitsuri watched her friend get up and gather her things, before she made her way to the door.

“W-Wait! When will I see you again. You can’t go! It’s been so long…please, at least stay for the night…!” Mitsuri said, trying to catch her friend before she left.

Charlotte only smiled.

“I’ll be fine, Mitsy. Don’t worry about me, we’ll see each other soon. I promise.” she said, grabbing something from her pocket and placing it in Mitsuri’s hand.

It was beautiful…

It was a hair pendant, a very intricate one. Most of it was what looked to be gold, with two silver chains hanging down from it, with moons on the end of each. It had two flowers on it as well, a purple and a butterfly snapdragon. Lottie’s favorite flowers…

“I…I can’t take this! It’s yours, and it must be very special to you—”

“Please, take it. I insist. It’ll remind you of me while I’m gone.”

“I…alright. Thank you for the gift. But…when am I going to—huh?” Mitsuri said, looking up from the pendant she held in her hand.

She could see her friend in the distance, a small smile on her face. Mitsuri blinked, and she disappeared.

Mitsuri stood there in the moonlight, tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. For a variety of reasons.

Her childhood friend had just left her again, and she didn’t know when she was going to return. But, before she closed her eyes for that split second, she saw the covered side of her friend’s face.

She saw a scar, running all the way from the top of her forehead, through her right eye and lip, and down her neck.

“Oh, Lottie…”

#charlotte rambles #demon slayer #genshin impact #self insert #fanfic spoilers #tell me if y’all like this lmao #i should be working on the itto thing but I got sidetracked 🥲

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