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comraads · 7 months

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On God and Santa

When I was around five, I asked my mom the dreaded question about Santa Claus.

She’s recounted the story many times–it’s one of those “look how precocious she was” anecdotes that my family chuckles at. I asked if Santa was real, as many many kids do. My mom was in a bit of a tough spot, because she’d so far decided to parent with total honesty. She’d answered the “where do babies come from” in a very matter of fact, clinical way, but this was different. She was afraid that by telling me the truth, I’d lose something of that childhood joy and wonder. So she did the best she could–she wove a beautiful story about how Santa isn’t a real person, but rather the spirit of Christmas, an ideal that we all embody around the holidays. Santa was in the sound of a jingling bell, the whisper of wintery wind. It was, in my memory, quite poetic.

According to her retelling, I took this all in solemnly, nodding my head. After a small pause, I asked a follow-up question.

“Okay, but who puts the presents under the tree?”

I don’t think that many people realize the parallels between the Santa myth and God—at least from a child’s perspective. I knew by five years old that Santa wasn’t real, and it didn’t cause any kind of crisis in me. I wasn’t sad, I had rather suspected as much for a while. I also understood that I couldn’t say anything to the other children, or even to adults, because doing so would break the spell.

I viewed God in much the same way. Internally, I knew it was impossible that all the animals in the world fit on a single boat, or that a man had turned water into wine at a wedding. I assumed that the adults–at least most of them–knew this too, and that we were all going along with this whole God thing because, like Santa, it was somehow culturally important to do so. So I did. I went to church and sang the songs, I skipped dinner and breakfast before Fast Sundays, I even bore my testimony. And I began to understand–or at least I thought I did–why God was so important. It gave people meaning, answers, a code to live by. I liked the idea of there being a rulebook, perhaps for obvious reasons, and at that age, I saw the rules of my church as just as reasonable as any other. Do unto others and all that.

I continued to believe in God the way I “believed” in Santa, all the while assuming that everyone else was doing the same: until the moment when I stopped agreeing with His rules. Once I began to learn how my church thought about people who were different from us, the logical justification for belief failed. How could belief in God be so important if that belief was used to harm other people? On the contrary, it seemed to me that the most ethical thing would be to not believe in God, and to let people live their lives in a way that made them happy. By their own rules.

I tell this story because it’s one of many that, looking back on, makes it obvious that I was always different from other kids. I’ve spent all my life hiding this rich inner world from others, because I learned early on that they wouldn’t understand, or even worse, that what I was, truly, under the surface, somehow bad or wrong. That I didn’t belong. Kids always sniffed it out quickly, but as I got older and the mask grew more sophisticated, I was able to pass mostly unnoticed by neurotypical society. Maybe, if someone had thought to assess me younger, I would be a very different person than I am today. Maybe that would be better; maybe worse. The point is, I have always been like this, from my earliest memories, whether or not it was obvious from the outside.

When I confessed mid-meltdown to my PhD advisor what was happening and why, she responded with “I don’t think you’re autistic—you don’t seem autistic,” and that’s exactly why I’m writing this. I believe there are many people like me out there, who have gone through their life under the assumption that their experience is typical when in fact it is anything but. People who feel deep shame and guilt over who they are because they don’t know that they are overcoming remarkable odds each day by continuing to function (even semi-effectively) in a world that is openly hostile to them. Getting my diagnosis was life-changing for me because I finally understood why I had always struggled with things that seemed simple for others, why I was prone to depressive episodes and burnouts. Most importantly, it gave me the freedom to embrace myself for who I was, to heal long festering emotional wounds, and to seek joy without embarrassment or shame.

Sometimes I envy people who genuinely believe in God. I only realized as an adult how many of them are not pretending, but in fact have a kind of unshaking faith and there's something beautiful in that. I don't think I've ever experienced what people call faith. I think it can be helpful for people to believe in something bigger than ourselves, even if it is a jealous sky daddy. But then I remember the question "who puts the presents under the tree" and I think maybe we shouldn't be so quick to give credit to God for things when all the best--and worst--outcomes of religion have come from people acting in God's name.

#autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #religion #religious trauma #therapy blog

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kfedup · 1 year

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ayup

I’m right back where I left off with therapy four years ago. Funny how that works. I went in feeling irritated and out of sorts and four different instances she asked me direct questions that my mind slammed the door shut on. The first time, I got quiet and then said “so I notice that I recognize the words you said and I know I understood the meaning of the words, but now it feels like my mind is a blank wall without a door. I don’t know how to go through to an answer.”

She said something like “that’s pretty amazing you can spell it out like that. most people just say they spaced out when they dissociate.”

Yeah, I’m a writer. I notice things. I’m really good at noticing things when I’m trying to ignore something else. Her saying that helped me get back into my body and find the answer, so that was cool, even though I really did not like the answer I found. But, isn’t it often like that?

I feel surprised. I started back wishing to work on a few very specific things, and it turns out those other things that I stopped trying to deal with last time around not only haven’t magically resolved on their own, they have grown and are blocking the door to the new things and to life flow. Now I’m exhausted. And going back again next week.

#therapy blog #codependency is a bitch

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angelstalkshit · 8 months

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things im currently working on

☆ reaching out to people and places I do not typically reach out to, for financial help.

☆ my morning routine

☆ self acceptance, and being my true self

☆ accepting reality

☆ my stress tolerance

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mimosbingeblog · 1 year

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• two yogurts

• three tangerines

• two slices of buttered bread

• two alani energy drinks

by far not my worst binge, just glad i was able to stop myself before i got too far

i’m proud of me <3

#bing3 eating #b1nge eating #tw disordered eating #therapy blog

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luvrmoona · 1 year

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mental health resources 🌙

official suicide prevention website

men's mental health

benefits of therapy

healthy coping mechanisms

eating disorder resources/acknowledgment

#mentalheathawareness #mental heath support #mental health #mental heath issues #advice blog #advice #therapy #helpfulresources #resources #mental health resources #mentalhealthadvocate #mental health blog #therapy blog

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onlydragonsmaychange · 1 year

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Other people: turn anger and shit experiences into scathing remarks and witty jokes

Me: curls up like a potato bug waiting to be squished with a rock

#what's the secret #coping strategies #dealing with emotions #odmc #coping #not funny #life with family #bug go splat #hell hath no fury #and neither do i #therapy blog

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aaliyahroyle · 2 months

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sluvjvn · 2 months

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being a skincare girlie AND a book girlie is so expensive

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flowerflowerflo · 29 days

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mayonezli · 10 months

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izel-scribbles · 12 days

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waiter waiter more jarthur please

i'm the waiter (the boys,,, closeups under the cut)

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puppys-tiny-space · 4 months

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🖍️Tips for tinies that struggle with hypersexuality🖍️

First of all it is completely valid and fine to struggle with hypersexuality while regressed or before regressing. This can be for any number of reasons and all of them are okay! It does not make you any less valid or precious. You deserve healing, love and gentleness. I will also be making a post for affirmations to deal with impure regression and hypersexuality.

🧮stop regressing if you need to, if intrusive thoughts or feelings get too much stop regressing, take a break from it, clear your head and calm down🧮

🧃do affirmations, remind yourself that you are precious, your regression is healing, you are clean and deserving of love🧃

🖍️avoid triggers, if you know what triggers hypersexuality try to avoid them extra hard while small, if it is not having close skin contact, not wearing tight close or whatever🖍️

🧮don't be shy to cope, cope however you need to, let out your painful feelings, scream, break things, run or write whatever helps you let it out do it🧮

🧃do not act on it, do not act on intrusive thoughts or feelings no matter how much you think it might help it won't, it won't make them go away it will make it worse🧃

🖍️journal, journal about your feelings, about what hurts and what helps, build skills that work for you, they don't have to be what other people do, it is your healing and nobody else's🖍️

🧃talk it trough, talk about your feelings with somebody, be it a therapist or somebody you trust, you deserve a safe space🧃

🧮teach yourself, teach yourself you do not need to do sexual things to deserve love and kindness, you have a right to gentleness and to being fragile, you don't have to be pure to be loved🧮

🖍️don't compare yourself, comparing yourself with others is never a good idea especially not with this, it might feel like you are alone with this issue but you are not, others struggle with it but most regressors don't talk about it as it's a very personal thing🖍️

Fun fact of the day: you can tell the difference between rocks and fossils by licking them

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deafening-radio-silence · 3 months

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I think that Dr. Christina "I was an excellent soldier" Raynor needs to deal with some personal things before she's anyone's therapist, because she strong-armed more of Bucky's autonomy away from him than Zemo did within the series.

#yeah man make amends for the shit that happened when you didn't even have control over your own thoughts #so she was giving him a way to “fix things” but that wasn't on him to do so #all she did was doubly reinforce what he already thinks - which is a justified but false and guilt-laden perception - about the situation #idk much about therapy but i don't think that they're sposed to do that. correct me if i'm wrong and then i'll go fight all therapists #bucky barnes #tfaws #alpine #my art #thank you for putting up with my drawings of a comic book character and his asshole cat lol #i had to put my dog down recently in a bad way and i can't rightfully get another house dog with my current work schedule #so i got a cat since they can handle being inside for the day and the shelter lady said she's super antisocial towards other cats #she's super antisocial towards me sometimes too but she sleeps on me at night and my house has never been cleaner #now that i have to vacuum cat fur and mind what i leave lying on the counter #i've never liked cats before but she's special i guess idk ain't everyone's cat special lol #anyway i'll stop using my tumblr blog as a blog now lol

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fromdarzaitoleeza · 2 months

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Spring is here , the true beginning of the year , the season where my soul reborns and blooms .

I have made some progress in terms of the person I am becoming, truly in all my honesty all that i have done is to stop caring for everything that once used to matter , the less I care about anything in particular the less I am bothered and the happier i stay. And i really hope everyone here is doing well and I appreciate all the love that was sent.

The problem is I care a lot about everything and i don't even get the bare minimum in return and when i do get it it's too late, so much time has passed by then ,when it comes by then i do not want or need it because it's the not care that came out of love it came out of their guilts. And the longer i wait for it to come by -the more I learn why I don't need it anymore .

I am slowly learning to value myself ,trying to put myself in a position where I can agree that i too deserve all the good things and love even on the days when i have nothing to offer .

Idk guys I am just here to rant and to be stupid

Better late than never they say , I guess it's not too late for me either, I will start my life and live up to what I want & how I feel ,i don't have to care about anything else as long as I feel alive in my bones things will eventually flow, I will fall in love with myself little by little day after day.

I will choose myself instead of choosing others and I will fall in love with my solitude instead of bearing it with me , i don't care if I end up alone if I do end up all by myself I will be with someone who i know has a tendency not to give up .

Life is really short i just don't want to sit and watch it pass by , if I am lucky enough I will have 40 more springs to experience , I have clear boundaries and thoughts in my head now, eventually i will find peace through it I hope so.

Ramdan kareem to people who celebrate it here please remember gaza in your prayers and fastings

#i love everyone here i hope you all are really good and if you are not i will just hope you all will be eventually #things will get better guys give yourself a chance dont crosss oceans for people who cant cross a mile for you #choose yourself over and over again let things go let people leave when they want to #keep yourself happy you are all you have everything is temporary #do good for yourself don't do anything whixh will hurt you in any way shape of form #seem therapy if needed #always remember if it can happens once it can happen again #dont think too much about anything just live do your part feed yourself well #find happiness in small acts of your living #this stupid blog is currently still active on Instagram in case you want to read more of poetry #remember you deserve all good things but don't go around hurting people #take care of your heart bye 🫂❤️‍🩹

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paddedpeachbby · 15 days

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Reminder to the ftm girls out there:

You're worried that your coworkers know that you're a girl?

You're correct, they knew immediately.

They're constantly staring at your ass thinking about glazing it with cum.

When you speak? They're not listening, just thinking about how cute and right your lips would look wrapped around cock.

Every time you enter a room they're mentally picking whether they want to pound your ass or your tight pussy first.

Nobody thinks that you deserve a promotion, only how perfect you'd look on your knees.

They see that feminine arch in your back and know that you belong facedown in daddy's bed.

Accept your womanhood and open your legs like the sweet little bitch you are 🥰

#detransition kink #ftm sub #ftm nsft #ftm detrans kink #ftm bottom #ftm correctional therapy #ftm girl #misgendering blog #misgender me #fake boy

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aaliyahroyle · 2 months

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