Nivis
I was just watching the snow and then it happened. 1331 words of Quintessence ghoul sweetness & weirdness. (Bell/Phantom) (I’m obsessed with them)
If you haven't read any of my Phantom stuff, he is blind in the conventional way. But he can see some things, energy things, magic things. No CWs, just two idiots being idiots but also making each other's lives magical.
I did not proof read this, I'm sorry for typos, I will fix them when I'm not so tired.
They’ve spent weeks like this, soon it will be months. In proximity, never speaking, never approaching. Content to simply experience the presence of one another. Always in the library. Darkened corners and hushed voices, considered hallowed ground in the Ministry, it’s a place where someone would have to consider committing the worst kind of disrespect if they felt like harassing the pair.
Not that the others hadn’t noticed. Of course, Zephyr during his bi-weekly archiving, Aether, seeing one or the other slink through a crack in the doorway that they reasonably shouldn’t be able to pass through. Dew, when he decides to go hunting for something that Rain hasn’t read before, which is a task. It was for his sake that they had to initiate an interlibrary borrowing program, and increase the yearly budget for new acquisitions.
Tonight is such a night, that Phantom half sits, half lays across one of the generously stuffed chairs, passing fingers over little bumps that make words. Something new for him on the surface, being able to read without the aid of another, projecting the words into his head or reading aloud.
He understands there’s a storm coming. “Snow up to your eyeballs!” Dew tells him. Phantom jokes, “Who’s eyes, yours or Mountain’s?” He’s good at hiding behind jokes and self depreciating comments.
He’s heard a lot about snow, it’s cold, wet, fluffy, sparkly, pretty. And when they’re lit up on a cloudless night in shades of chartreuse and lilac, breathtaking. The way the night sky seems to penetrate every single flake, that they appear lit from within.
Ghouls are familiar with magic, but sometimes what they can do seems crude compared to that.
And Phantom’s heard them talking about it, he tries to hide the cracks and fissures that form in his heart in those moments. He can see a lot, but he can’t see that. Somehow what falls from the sky is so wondrously pure that he simply cannot get a read on it. Rain, sleet, hail, it’s all blank.
Sure, he’s held his hand out the window to feel it, stood in it until he was soaked to the bone. Because it feels like being washed clean. So rarely is he so fully immersed in absolute nothingness as he is when it’s absolutely pouring down buckets from the sky. From this he finds kinship with Rain, Mist, Delta, River, and Dew.
The snow feels different from the rain though. Sure it gets stuck in his hair, collects on his shoulders, makes his feet damp and cold. But it’s too light, ineffectual.
He’s left searching for an appreciation for what everyone seems to love so much. And tonight, he is searching. With one hand pressed to the icy glass, the other stuffed in his pocket, he concentrates, tries to feel something, anything at all.
Bell has been watching him, from his perch above the theology section. Feeling him, aching and longing for something. What, he’s not sure, he doesn’t intentionally pry. But he can’t always shield himself from what radiates from Phantom in thick, viscous waves at times. It collects and forms a pit in his stomach.
Suddenly he feels a refreshing albeit absolutely freezing blast of air. Phantom has pried one of the windows open. Windows that have not been opened in a very long time. As he pulls it further, layers of paint crackle and flake from the hinges.
Bell watches as he collects a handful. It doesn’t take long, with the way it’s coming down, for a little mountain of big, fluffy flakes to form in his cupped hands. His thoughts become louder, like shouting, loud enough to give Bell a headache. And now it’s clear.
“Why can’t I see it? Just once.”
Elemental energy is strange. No one knows why through various cycles of nature it is cleansed away. Through the clouds, from the mouth of a volcano, deep in the ground beneath layers of soil and clay. Maybe because everything deserves a chance to start again, no longer burdened by the past. Ghouls are not so lucky. Phantom is not so lucky.
For once though, Bell has an idea. Something that might help. He isn’t sure if it’s okay, to acknowledge the scene playing out across the room. Then again, Phantom surely knows that Cowbell can feel it. Because Phantom has the same empathetic qualities. Isn’t that why they perform this strange dance, meters apart?
His feet land silently despite the floorboard’s penchant for creaking. As though he steps on slippers made of clouds, he seems to float rather than walk. He’s one of the few who has learned to harness some of what he’s collected over the years. He might as well use it if it insists on being sucked into his being by a vortex he can’t control.
He considers speaking, but it already feels like there’s a spell cast across the grounds of the Ministry. The snow has already piled on the lawns and the roof, the maze in the garden, the window sill. It’s heavy and oh so quiet. Insulated by a thick quilt made from the downy white flakes
Phantom sucks in a breath that stings his front teeth, the air is bitter cold, and he should probably close the window. But a strange voice tells him otherwise. Tells him to open the other, wide as they’ll go.
Bell could simply show him what he sees, but he knows that’s not the same. Like looking at a rainbow through a television.
The air feels the way it does before it rains, full of static and with a strange metallic smell. The hairs on the back of Phantom’s neck stand on end, and it isn’t from the frigid air permeating the entire library.
Suddenly, from his vantage point, the sky is lit up in technicolor. Bright blues, greens, violet, magenta. So is the ground. So are the flakes melting in his hands, despite how frozen they are. He could see the trees in the distance, now he sees what makes the branches droop.
What he feels - is - elation, unadulterated excitement. What everyone must feel when they see snow for the first time. Only it isn’t the same, most people haven’t experienced a lifetime of longing to see things like other people do.
What Phantom feels, it chokes Bell. Closes off his airways. Makes him stumble back into the shadows far less elegantly than he arrived. Of course he can’t stop what comes in when he is focusing on putting something out.
Thankfully he hasn’t cast some temporary incantation or cheap magic that will disappear as soon as he leaves, so he does. Phantom doesn’t notice, fully engrossed in the prismatic light and shimmering colour.
The way each flake moves of its own volition, in a different direction than its neighbor. He tries to track a singular flake on its descent to the ground, but despite the way it’s accumulating, it’s like none of them ever seem to land.
He isn’t sure how long he stands there with those windows that reach the ceiling pulled wide open. Long enough that there’s a light dusting of snow on the chair he was sitting on, on the floor, on some of the nearby bookshelves.
Long enough for his face to burn furiously, long enough for the tears clinging to his lashes to turn to frost and ice. Long enough that he didn’t realize he was alone now. That he turned, mouth hanging open while he searched for the right words to come out of it.
But he is alone now, what he feels, that feels like Cowbell, is falling from the sky and clinging to the front of his shirt. What has become droplets of water running between his fingers. It’s almost a relief; that Bell is gone. Because Phantom isn’t sure he could find the right words for this, the right way to say thank you.
But then he remembers, he doesn’t have to. Cowbell knows, he can feel it too.
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