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the-ghost-king · 3 years

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Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)

#nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #toa #percy jackson #will solace #solangelo

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romanoffswifey · 3 years

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Point Blank Part 2

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: Natasha struggles to deal with the aftermath of that night, and life still has a few surprises left to throw at her.

Contents/Warnings: mentions of serious injury, some angst (but don’t worry too much)

Words: 2,280

AN - As promised here is the second part to Point Blank. I’m so sorry that it took me so long to get this out (uni came along and kicked me in the head) but I hope that you still enjoy it

PART 1

Natasha stares into the bathroom mirror, barely recognising the woman who gazes blankly back at her. All bloodshot eyes and puffy eyelids, her face red and blotchy as loose strands of hair cling to the slightly damp trails that mar her cheeks.

She swallows thickly against the soreness of her throat and raises a shaky hand to her reflection. The skin of her fingers raw from where she had scrubbed at them. As if she could simply wash away the feeling of your blood on her hands.

You had started to feel so cold when Steve had finally pried you from her arms, he and Tony quickly rushing your limp form from the room. Leaving her frozen there. Watching as her world imploded around her, haunted by the knowledge that she’d been the one to cause it.

The muscles in her jaw and hands clench as realisation washes over her again. Her vision blurs as tears well in her eyes, and she draws back her fist, letting out a grief stricken roar as she slams it into the wall in front of her.

She has no idea how long she stays there, weeping quietly, before Wanda’s hands wrap around her arm. Gently taking her hand away from the web of cracks she’d just created and pushing it under the stream of water once more.

The redhead tenses when she’s led back into the main part of the room. A wave of nausea hitting her as she catches a glimpse at just how much of your blood now stains the bed sheets.

The younger woman notices her reaction and hurriedly guides her down the hallway to her own room, knowing that the redhead wasn’t going to stay in your shared room any longer but certainly not trusting her to be in her spare room alone.

Natasha spends the rest of the night laying awake next to the brunette. Staring at the ceiling as silent tears run down her face, as every time she closes her eyes she’s back there. Reliving that moment over and over again.

Morning comes, and a small part of Natasha is glad for Wanda’s grounding presence as Tony leads the pair to the labs. A warm hand on her shoulder helps to calm her when he begins to place machinery around her head, the billionaire hoping to discover the cause of her actions.

It turned out that when she was separated from the team during your last mission, she had actually been captured by a set of Hydra operatives. The agents deciding to try out their latest form of brainwashing on her. A type of subliminal suggestion.

Clearly they had underestimated her skill as she had put up one hell of a fight, even while under the influence of whatever they had given her. This, combined with the approaching battle from the rest of the avengers, meant they had been forced to let her go before they were finished. Only managing to implant a small piece of their directive into her mind.

But a piece is all they had needed.

To take out even one avenger would be a win for Hydra, and you were the obvious target. Your relationship with Natasha meant that it was normal for you to be in close proximity with each other and for you to have your guard down around her. All she had to do was stick by your side as usual and the programing would kick in and do the rest.

This knowledge did nothing to lessen the pain and the guilt that filled her. Did nothing to change the fact that she had been the one to pull the trigger.

She can’t stand the looks of sympathy that the others keep throwing her and the way they don’t seem to hold her accountable. So she avoids them. Choosing to forgo team meals and quickly dismissing their offers of company.

But she doesn’t go down to see you either. She thinks whatever is left of her heart would crumble if she saw you now. How could she sit next to your bedside when she was the one who put you there in the first place? She’s not sure you would even want her there if she did.

Over the last 5 years you had provided her with everything she had searched for her whole life. Giving her all your love and support, and helping her believe that she was deserving of it. She felt like she was where she belonged when she was with you, like she had found her home. You were the only person she’d ever had the desire to spend the rest of her life with, and she had repaid you by putting a bullet in you.

When the day drags into evening Wanda gets fed up with watching her self destruction and puts her foot down. The Sokovian forcing the redhead to get something to eat or drink before she makes herself sick.

Natasha now sits quietly at the kitchen table, her dull eyes fixed on the grain of the wood as Wanda busies herself off to the side. The sound of bubbling fills the silence followed shortly by the clanking of metal on ceramic.

Careful hands come to adjust the blanket around her shoulders, and a mug is placed in front of her. The scent and colour tell her what it is immediately; Yorkshire tea, milk, two sugars. Your hot beverage of choice.

She finds it laughable that she should seek comfort from your favourite drink while you could be fighting for your life right now. And yet, some traitorous part of her still does. The familiarity of it ghosting soothingly over the ache in her chest.

Her gaze remains drawn to the rising steam but she’s aware of the way Wanda moves to join a couple of people by the door. A small hint of anger flaring within her as she registers the happiness in their hushed tones. Her annoyance grows after she hears only two sets of footsteps walk down the hall. Leaving her with the feeling of being watched by whoever stayed.

“You know, I was a bit upset that you didn’t come and visit me at first.” Natasha’s head snaps up at your voice. “But then I realised that you’re probably stuck in that beautiful ginger head of yours.”

“How?” is all she manages to rasp. Gaping at you as you stand leaning on the doorframe like nothing had happened.

You walk over to her, not missing the rough quality of her voice or the way she still squints slightly against the soft light of the room. Your heart twinges at how small and broken she looks as she sits there.

Green eyes watch intently as you kneel in front of her and pick up the tea, humming at the taste as you take a sip, then blowing gently over the brim before offering it to the other woman. Your lips quirk into a small smile when her fingers brush over your own as she takes it from you.

Natasha has to admit that it does feel nice against the scratchiness of her throat.

“How are you up here right now?” she asks a bit easier this time, setting the tea back down and hesitantly reaching out for your hand.

“Well, it turns out that enhanced physiology and the best medical treatment a billionaire can buy are very useful when you get shot,” you explain with a half-smile. “In fact, they said that I'll be perfectly fine and left with minimal scarring.”

You place a kiss on the back of her hand and push it under your jumper, guiding it up towards the tender spot at the top of your abdomen. “See, it’s not that bad.”

Through the bandages and the gauze that lay across your skin, the redhead can feel a small rough patch. It’s barely bigger than her finger tip. But she still frowns as she traces over it.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes, dropping both her gaze and her hand, “I’m so sorry.”

Your brows furrow this time. “What have you got to be sorry for, dorogoy?”

“I did this to you, Y/N. I was supposed to protect you and I shot you! You should hate me! You should want nothing to do with me, not be sat here calling me darling!”

“Hey, look at me.” Her teary eyes reluctantly meet your own as you cup her face. “Hydra did this to me, not you. We both know how their brand of mental warfare works and I’m not going to let you torture yourself over it. I love you too much for that.”

“But I still hurt you. I could have done something to stop it and I let you down,” she argues.

“No you didn’t. You tried to fight it. You knew that something wasn’t right and tried to warn me.” You let out a huff of amusement. “Even subconsciously you did try to protect me, just like you always do.”

Her eyes become more focused and her ragged breathing slows down, showing that she was listening to what you said.

Natasha stands and you follow suit, watching quietly as she studies you for a moment before pulling you into a fierce hug. She buries her face in the crook of your neck while her fingers dig into the thick knit of your jump, clutching at you tightly as she breathes in your scent. She sighs softly as you begin to rub comforting circles across her back.

The pair of you stay like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the embrace. Glad to be back in the other's arms once more.

When she pulls back, you bring your left hand up to caress her face and a small glint catches her eye. The Russian finally noticing the ring you’re wearing.

“You found it,” she murmurs as she runs her finger along the metal band.

You flash her a sheepish smile. “It was an accident I swear. And in my defence, for a super spy you do sometimes pick terrible hiding places.”

The place she had chosen to hide it was not the best, she had to give you that, but at the time she was kind of freaking out. She had known for a while that you were the only person she wanted to be with but the actual purchasing of the engagement ring had been a spur of the moment decision, and once she’d returned to the compound the panic had set in.

Despite the fact she had long since learnt that everything the Red Room had spouted about love was a lie, she couldn’t help the hint of fear that rose in her at what her desires meant. What that ring represented. And then there was the worry that you wouldn’t actually want to spend the rest of your life with her. Even though you had been with her for so long already. After everything that had happened recently, the latter of her fears only seemed to grow.

She looks away, nervously picking at the edge of the blanket as she voices her thoughts. “Would you even want to?”

“Would I want to what?” you ask, biting the inside of your lip to keep from smiling as you try your hardest to play dumb.

Her eyes flick back to yours. “Would you want to...get married?” she trails off quietly, finally saying the words you were waiting for.

A bright grin appears on your face, and she can’t help the way her own lips tug upwards as she rests her forehead against yours.

“Of course I want to get married, moya lyubov.” You bump your noses together playfully. “Though, I’ll only do it on one condition.”

Natasha hides the flash of panic that runs through her. She’s not entirely sure she can cope with any more emotional turmoil.

You pull away slightly so you can reach into your pocket, pulling out a small velvet box that you hold up in front of you. When you open the lid the redhead lets out a little gasp at its contents. “That condition being that you, Natalia Romanova, would be my wife.”

For the first time that day the tears that well in her eyes are ones of joy.

Placing one hand over the ring you’re holding and winding the other around the back of your neck, she pulls you into a bruising kiss. The passion behind it makes you weak in the knees and you can’t help the moan that escapes as her tongue pushes into your mouth, brushing over yours in a way that has no business feeling as good as it does.

After a while she releases your lips with a soft pop, leaving you both breathless and not quite able to open your eyes just yet. You can still feel her smirk though.

“I take it that’s a yes then,” you murmur against her lips.

She chuckles and responds by drawing you into another kiss.

Later, once you’ve made sure she’s eaten properly and she’s helped you with a very relaxing bath; you lay in bed together. Natasha wrapped around you protectively while you read a dog eared copy of your favorite book.

She hums contentedly into the side of your neck as she presses herself closer to you. Her smile widens when she glances down to where you’re absentmindedly playing with her fingers. Knowing that soon you won’t only have each other’s hearts, but each other’s names as well.

Natasha L/N-Romanoff had a nice ring to it, and she has a feeling it’s the one that she’s finally going to keep.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #natasha romanoff fanfic #marvel imagine #avengers x reader #marvel

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desertofsnowflakes · 3 years

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Incorrect Order Chapter 5 (Nessian AU)

A/N: Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, an angry Nesta and a heart-broken Cassian

2094 words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

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Nesta had never been one for small talk but in his presence she spoke as if she was excellent in small talk. They spoke of all unimportant things and ended up forgetting the important stuff; their names. Again.

Feyre sent an invitation for her first anniversary party as she did for every other occasion. The only thing different was that Nesta never bothered to pay heed to her invitations before. After the day in the alley, however, she decided she was going to turn over a new leaf. This was her first step.

She checked her reflection on the side-mirror. She tried to keep her outfit and make-up as simple as possible. She only wore a white ruffled-sleeved blouse with a black pencil skirt. Her hair was braided into a coronet. She looked good, but not as good as she’ll look if she took her own time to do a detailed make-over. She let out a breath and braced herself for the inevitable little chat with her sisters.

“Nesta?” a bewildered voice breathed. She whirled around to face her younger sister, Elain, looking up at her, a small smile playing about her lips. “You’re here,” she said and flung her arms around Nesta. Nesta automatically wrapped her arms around Elain’s smaller frame. Eventually, Elain pulled back.

“No offense, but I really thought you wouldn’t be coming,” Elain said.

Nesta felt as if the smile on her face couldn't be wiped out for the next few hours. “Honestly, I didn't think I'd come either. But here I am.”

She nodded and pulled Nesta to the garden the party was held at.

“I did this,” Elain said. “This garden, I planted and groomed all this.”

“No wonder why it looks so beautiful,” Nesta replied.

She flushed and said contemplatively, “You're so different now, Nesta.”

“I hope in a good way. Where's Feyre?”

“Let's go meet everyone first.”

Nesta shook her head. “I— I need to talk to both of you before I meet everyone else. ”

Elain hesitated then said, “Can you wait in that room? I'll fetch Feyre and come.”

Nesta nodded and headed to the door at the end of the garden Elain pointed at. The room was classy, much like the exterior of the house. She was struck by the simple yet grand theme of Feyre's house. She knew he and his brothers were rich but she just didn't understand the extent of their wealth. Till now.

“What are you thinking?” Feyre wasn't the type to blindly trust people. It took more than coming for her anniversary to persuade her that Nesta's intentions were good.

Nesta faced Feyre, her youngest sister, who stood before her, gorgeous yet fierce in a simple but elegant blue gown. She shrugged, “Just thinking that I'm glad my sisters were well-provided when I couldn't take care of them.”

Feyre’s face didn’t change, she just gestured towards the couches. “Have a seat,” she said.

Nesta sat down, “You both look splendid,” she said. Feyre said that the gown was a gift, Elain thanked Nesta and offered the same.

Nesta cleared her throat. “I need to tell the both of you something. Many things, actually.”

Elain nodded encouragingly. Feyre said, “Go on.”

So Nesta spoke. She apologised. For how she wasn't there to fulfill the role of an elder sister. For how she failed to attend Feyre's marriage and many other occasions. For all the rude words she spoke to them. For shunning them. She apologised for being self consumed. For everything else.

She also promised. To try harder. To become better. To be a good sister and sister-in-law. To be with them at all times, especially when they needed her. And they listened.

“I know these words aren't enough, but I'll try to make it so,” she finished, her hands clasped with both her sisters on her sides.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. We will too,” Feyre said.

“I see a very bright future ahead of us,” Elain said.

Nesta couldn't help the tears anymore. She folded her arms around her sisters and tucked them close. Her sisters. Her beloved sisters she now knew she'd do anything to protect.

“I see a very bright future too,” Nesta said.

Nesta pulled back after what felt like an hour and looked at her sisters' tear-streaked faces.

“I love you,” the three of them said simultaneously. Nesta giggled. Elain laughed. Feyre stared.

Nesta gently brushed the tears from both of their cheeks. “I don't want to see any of you crying.”

She hugged them again, willing the hug to convey everything she didn't say out loud.

“Now, now, enough snuggling. We've got a party to attend and people to meet, remember?” Feyre said.

***

Cassian was anxious. He had always hoped Nesta, his sister-in-law, would come for the gatherings they had; be it family dinners, or birthday parties, or the random meetings they had when they just got tipsy and played games. He hadn't seen her face-to-face before. All he knows about Nesta are from the descriptions from Feyre and Elain. That, too, was minimal. One of them would quickly change the topic to something pleasant the moment traces of an emotional breakdown were visible. Every time he hoped, he was let down. She never came. He vowed he would stop hoping and instead just go about and act as if she didn't exist. But that never happened. Every time his family met, his treacherous heart would start hoping only to have a chunk of it fall off when she failed to attend. Today was no different.

Then there’s the woman who he’d been talking to the whole afternoon. He was a tangled up mess of emotions and doubt and confusion. He had been sort-of pining after Nesta. She was exactly the person he’d like. Apparently she was drop-dead gorgeous, witty and… feral. Feyre said that. Feral. She’d be someone worth seeing. She was totally a worthy opponent. It’d be fun. But the other woman? Mother above, she was ethereal. More than ethereal, in fact. Words can't contain what he had to say about her.

He was damn near killing Az for calling him right when they were about to exchange names. He really can't believe he was a hairsbreadth away from knowing her before it was all ripped away. Now they were back to square one. He didn't know anything about her.

Azriel clapped him on his back so hard that he almost stumbled and fell. Or probably that was because he was too distracted. “All good Somm?”

“Mmm-hmm,” he replied noncommittally. He busied his hands with re-rinsing the champagne flutes and wiping them clean again. He did this two times already. Still.

“Mood is sour today, Cass?” Az teased, mock-frowning.

“Nah,” Cassian said wryly, “it's as sweet as honeydew. Especially today, when my chat got interrupted.” He glared at Azriel.

“Now, now, that is a story for another day. For now though, I think I've got something that can cheer up your brooding self.”

“What is it?” he mumbled.

Az grinned. “Nesta is here.”

***

Feyre and Elain took Nesta on a quick tour around the house. Feyre’s paintings were hung on the walls throughout the whole house. Nesta grimly noticed that there wasn't a single picture of her. There were even paintings of their father whose heart had long stopped beating. But none of hers. If only she didn’t push herself away, Nesta would’ve been a happy part of her sisters’ lives.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Feyre took her hand in hers. Elain tucked herself to Nesta’s side, wrapping her arms over her slender shoulders.

Nesta already met Mor, a stunning blonde woman, and Amren, a slightly intimidating and short person. Now she only had to meet her brother-in-laws.

“Let’s go meet the boys!” Elain said brightly.

We walked back to the garden. Feyre seemed to get more and more elated the closer we got to the garden. Huh. Probably falling in love would do that to someone. Anyway, as long as her sisters were happy.

They stepped through the doorway. The garden was decorated with more banners and streamers hung on the back of chairs and on the low branches. Again, it looked opulent in a simple way.

There were three men in the centre of the garden, gathered around a table. They all were slightly similar, broad shouldered, tapered waists, muscular limbs. Three of them wore formal shirts and pants clinging to their frames. The one in the middle was Rhysand, she supposed. She smirked internally. Of course Feyre ended up with this guy. She's got a good taste. Must've gotten it from the oldest sister.

The one on the right, though. His figure felt familiar. Very, very familiar. She couldn't quite put a finger on it yet.

“The one on the left is Azriel, the one on the right is Cassian,” Feyre said, and Nesta nodded.

The boys must be really engrossed with their conversation. They hadn't noticed the three of them yet.

The guy she thought was familiar threw his head back and laughed. She gasped. That laugh. She'd know the laugh anywhere. Indeed, when he angled his face so that she could get a glimpse, she knew she was done for. She swallowed with much difficulty.

“I need to go,” she said quickly.

“Go? But— but we haven't cut the cake yet. It's still early. We've got lots more fun stuff,” Elain said.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. Only, this doesn't feel like 'trying',” Feyre said.

They sounded… hurt.

Mother above, I'm doing this wrong.

“Nesta?” Elain asked. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,” Feyre added, “you look pale.”

“Y-yeah it's f-fine. Kinda. My head hurts,” she said, accidentally clutching her stomach. “I-I mean, yeah my head hurts. Very badly. I gotta go.” She looked helplessly at both of them. “I'm so sorry. I really am. It's just— I think I need rest. I'll recompense. Probably dinner in three days?” They both shared a look and agreed.

Nesta was already walking away. “Love you both,” she threw over her shoulder.

***

“Feyre!” Rhys called. He beckoned Feyre and Elain to the table. He didn't see Nesta.

Cassian lightly kissed Feyre on her cheek once they made their way to the table and said, “Gorgeous as always. Happy anniversary!”

Feyre grinned, but it showed traces of disappointment.

He frowned. “Hey, what's wrong?”

She just shook her head and mumbled, “Nesta.” Rhys's face hardened. His brother was never fond of Nesta. He said that she was why Feyre was always worried.

“Where's Nesta?” Az asked, craning his neck to see behind farther.

“She… left,” Elain pointed, revealing a figure disappearing behind the gates. A figure he knew all too well. Shitshitshitshit.

His head snapped back to his brothers. “That is Nesta?” he damn near shouted.

Rhys scowled, “Yeah.”

No wonder why she's so beautiful, he thought dumbly before running after her with a quick “I'll be back.”

***

Nesta was wrong. In all her happiness of being reunited with her sisters, she completely forgot how even a small thing can break one's smile. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She kept her calm demeanour, but inside, she was a raging storm of emotions.

One step in front of the other, she kept reminding herself.

She kept walking. Even when she heard footsteps. Even when the steps got louder. Even as he got close enough to cease running.

But not when he called her name. She halted. Locked up her emotions. She knew she shouldn't but she turned around anyway.

“What do you want?” she snapped.

“Nesta,” he breathed. She tried to hold back her shudder. It was from the night air, she told herself.

“If you have nothing to say, do let me know. I'm not going to wait forever,” she said. Harsher than she intended to. But she didn't care, at least, that's what she told herself.

Cassian winked, “I'm honored you came, sweetheart. I'll pass the credit to my influence on you. ”

She ground her teeth against the truth threatening to fall off her lips. Yes, I came here because you made me happy. And I thought that if I tried, as I did with you, I can rebuild my relationship with my sisters.

***

Cassian did something stupid. He grabbed her hand. Her eyes snapped to his, burning with anger. Like the day they first met.

He gave her a crooked grin that he knew would drive her mad. Well, more than she already was. He tilted his head to the garden, “The party is that way, love.”

She snatched back her hand at continued walking. Like a fool, he followed. “I spoke to my sisters. Told them I won't be staying tonight. And that we'll have dinner in three day's time. Does that satisfy you? Now, can you stop following me?”

“Something's wrong. What's wrong, Nes?”

“One,” she ground out, “don't call me that. Two, I'm a grown-ass woman; I know how to take care of myself. I don't need a babysitter.”

“You did. That day,” he said quietly.

She whirled on him, “Is this you taking back favours? Because I'm not interested. You want money? Take it. Tell me your price and fucking take it! Don't tread on my heels because you helped me, okay? I've got way better things to do.” She paused, “And don't follow me, Cassian.”

She turned and stalked away.

You want money? Take it. 'Take it.' As if he were a beggar, asking for alms. As if they weren't laughing at each other's jokes not more than an hour ago. As if he didn't spend a week taking care of her as if she were a part of his soul. Maybe she was.

But that was before, Cassian thought as his heart cleaved into two perfect halves. No— it smashed to a million tiny pieces.

He waited till Nesta was out of his line of sight. He turned and walked back to the garden, leaving his heart behind.

taglist: @shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @ladygabrielli1997 @nehemikkele @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @ddsworldofbooks @irenethaleia @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella

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outthefryingpan · 4 years

Note

Your writing is amazing ! I'm a sucker for fluff personally,, so if I have to suggest something,, it'd be cuddles. Just cuddling after a long,, busy day. Maybe in Winter,, a specially cold day,, those are the best days for cuddling,, and more so if it's with such a hot (pfft) monster like Grillby ! Just giving ideas,, I'll be happily reading anything you update here next. Have a nice day. :)

Cold Nights

Pairing: Grillby/Reader

Rating: Everyone

Notes: I’m a sucker for that too! I very much enjoy this suggestion, thank you! Send more any time u like :^> This is set on the surface! Most of the pieces I write will be set this way unless stated otherwise.

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You can’t believe how late it is when you finally begin walking home. Pulling your phone out and pressing the home button tells you it’s only a few minutes away from midnight. Your feet ache, and you want nothing more than to just crawl into bed.

Luckily for you, it isn’t a long walk to Grillby’s from where you are, maybe a little over 5 minutes, but you really hadn’t anticipated it being this cold and blustery out. Then again, you didn’t anticipate your boss holding you back as late as she did either, so you use that as your excuse for being jacket-less. In reality, it probably wouldn’t have been much warmer out even if you did leave on time, but you’re just going to ignore that. You unceremoniously shove your phone back into your pocket and quicken your pace, holding your hands together in an attempt to conserve some of your already waning warmth.

In hopes of distraction, you let your mind begin to wander. Initially your prerogative is “think warm thoughts”, but of course that only leads you to thinking of Grillby. It’s inevitable. He’s the warmest thing you can think of.

You think back to when he first opened up his bar on the surface, and how he would stay open all night, every night. The new influx of customers quickly overwhelmed him, and so he changed his hours to accommodate a new goal of his, one he’d adopted upon reaching the surface. He called it the, “not work myself to death” rule. You, nothing more than a new friend at the time, had laughed at that. It was one of the first jokes he’d made around you. You laugh again now, thinking about how horrible a job he’s done in sticking to his goal. Maybe it’s just unrealistic for him, you muse.

No, that isn’t fair. He drastically changed his hours when he first got here. Underground, he’d been open every day from noon to 3AM. How he’d managed a 15 hour work day every single day all by himself was absolutely beyond you, but he told you that down there, he really didn’t have much else to do.

In a more private setting, after the two of you had grown closer, he confessed that when he lived underground, he felt a sense of obligation to be open as often as possible, to act as a sort of home base for those monsters who were struggling, or just needed someone to help stave off their loneliness.

Here on the surface, things are better! But they’re a lot different too, a lot busier. And so, with some kind pushing from his friends, he had ultimately decided not only to tighten his hours, but to hire some help as well.

You consider that to be the start of a deeper relationship blossoming between the two of you. You had offered to wash dishes and help with cleanup, and he gratefully accepted. You started talking more, spending more time together, and... The rest is history, you suppose.

Now, he takes Sundays off, and closes at 10PM on Mondays. His daily hours are still pretty packed, but he has more servers and kitchen staff to help out with them.

Suddenly, you blink in surprise at yourself as that reminds you of something.

Today’s Monday! That means he should have closed a while ago!

You sent him a text earlier when you found out you would be late home and told him not to worry, but you totally forgot that it was possible for you to end up working later than him. That is a rare occurrence.

Well then!

You become excited at your findings, but quickly realize they mean that he may be sleeping. Rats... You need to be quiet coming in, then.

A chatter sounds in your skull just as the bar comes into view. It isn’t quite snowing out, but the biting, billowing wind is strong enough to drain most of the heat from you. Your fingers feel numb as they blindly wiggle around in your pocket, looking for your keys even though you’re still a little ways away from the front door. By the time you reach it, you’re putting in a pretty significant amount of effort to minimize your shivering and get it unlocked. It’s situations like these that make you thankful to only have a few separate keys to keep track of on your key ring.

The door itself is pretty new, but still creaks lightly as you push it open. Then, you almost lose your grip on the knob when a particularly strong gust of wind shoves you in through the front door. You stumble forward.

Startled as you are, it doesn’t take you long to recover, close the door firmly behind you, and lock it with a huff. You’re just glad no one is around to have seen your little blunder. Hand still on the door, you sigh out your relief. Grillby would definitely be alerted by the door swinging open and slamming into the wall. He’d be alerted if you face-planted into the hardwood flooring, too.

After taking a moment to smooth yourself out and appreciate the internal temperature of the bar, you glance around the dark room. As you expected, tables and chairs are neat, lights are off, and not a speck of dust can be seen. Sometimes you wonder if Grillby gets off on extreme cleaning. You snicker quietly to yourself.

The rise in temperature is great compared to the freezing nightmare you’d endured outside, but it isn’t anywhere near enough to stop your shivering. So you beeline for the staircase that leads to Grillby’s apartment- or more accurately, your ticket to comfort. It’s a little hard to see, and you nearly trip once on the way up, but the reward you’re met with upon entering is well worth it.

Instantly, you’re flushed with a wave of warmth.

Grillby sits on the couch in the living room that faces the door, knuckle pressed to the side of his mouth and book in hand. Your entrance alerts him, and his head turns up so his eyes can meet yours. They look tired. Yours do too.

He can see you shivering still, and it makes him frown. However, the beginning of a small smile finds its way onto his face when he lifts a hand and waves you over. Both of you know what comes next. You step toward him eagerly.

Without a word spoken between the two of you, he places the thick, old looking novel down on the table in front of him, and opens himself up to you. Rather than sitting next to him like he had expected, you opt for plopping down directly in his lap, arms around his shoulders and legs on either side of him. He lets out a surprised grunt, but it quickly dissolves into a chuckle as his arms find their way around your midsection. You relish in the warmth they offer.

“You’re cold.” He starts.

“You’re warm.” You reply, though it’s muffled by the fabric of his thin shirt. He hears you despite this, and a fiery brow quirks up.

“Aren’t I always?” Grillby asks. You can hear the teasing smile in his voice, but nod against him regardless. Thanks to him, you can feel your shivers mostly subside.

“Yea, but I especially appreciate it when it’s freezing out.” Comes your voice once more. Sighing, you feel his arm begin to rub slowly up and down your back, a soothing, sweeping motion that transfers his heat to you even faster. Suddenly comfortable, you’re reminded of how totally exhausted you are.

“I always tell you to bring a coat.” He tries for a chastising tone, but can’t help that it comes out as soft as it does. His voice is just a mumble now, reaching your ears easily despite its low volume. This is in part because he’s taken the liberty of placing his cheek against your head.

“Heh..Yeah...” You concede, burrowing your face further into him. It’s a long moment before you speak again. “I didn’t think you’d be up. Aren’t you tired?” At this question you look up at him as much as your current position will allow, cheek still smooshed into his shoulder.

His response is low, and doesn’t come immediately, which kind of gives you an answer in itself: Yes.

“Mm... I am..” He confirms your suspicion. A little more quietly, he continues. “But you were still out, and...” The elemental’s head lazily tilts, and the flames constantly spiraling off of it follow the movement. You catch him glance out the window. As if wanting to help illustrate his point, another forceful gust of wind rattles it just slightly.

A little guilt twists your stomach. He always worries, and you should have known he would be waiting. You should’ve fought harder to leave on time. You expect he’s going to finish the thought, but you already know where he’s headed, so you preempt him.

“You didn’t need to wait up for me...” You say softly.

The response you get is hushed, but still quite matter-of-fact.

“I did. I wanted to. ...I like going to bed with you.” His tone is so simple, so casual, so... sweet. He’s just speaking honestly, yet it affects you so much. The guilt you feel morphs into adoration, and the feeling makes you grin. You’re sure he can feel it against him, but duck your head back down anyway.

“OK.” Your voice is muffled once more. But the smile in it is audible. A short, breathy hum escapes him, the sound like a sleepy little laugh.

The two of you stay like that for a few minutes, wrapped up in each other. The calm rise and fall of his chest slows further, and the surrounding blanket of his warmth cradles you softly.

You don’t want to, but you eventually have to turn your face to the side. As comfy as he is, it’s a little hard to breathe that way. This movement seems to take him a bit off guard, and rouses him from a drowsiness he’d almost let get the better of him. You feel and hear the deep breath he sucks in as he shifts, bringing himself back off the brink of sleep. He props himself back up against the couch, holding you still as he does. You let out a large yawn, and gently pat his back.

“OK...Time for bed?” You ask quietly. In his sleep-addled state, he can only nod. Without another word, arms around your middle become hands on your waist, and he lifts you off of him and gently places you on the cushion next to him. Slowly he stands, stretching. His flames crackle and pop with the action, and once he’s satisfied he lets out the breath he’d been holding and turns to you with a bright orange hand extended.

For a moment, you consider asking him to carry you. You’re exhausted! But another look at his slightly lopsided posture and barely open eyes reminds you he’s right there with you. So you make do with just grabbing his hand and using it to help pull yourself up. Once you’re on your feet, you two begin a slow stroll to your shared bedroom, and step inside.

The blinds are drawn, so the only light permeating the darkness you stumble around in to change is Grillby himself. You end up in just your underwear and a big T shirt. Following your lead, he removes his own top and bottoms, leaving himself only in his briefs.

It’s only about 45 seconds after you enter the room that both of you are crashing into bed. You simply let yourself fall face first. He as usual is a little more graceful about things, gently lifting the covers for himself, and helping you work your way under them too. Your tired body sings in relief as you sink into the mattress, your back to the flaming monster beside you.

Unsatisfied with this, you fight the sleep off for a little longer to wiggle a bit. A questioning hum leaves him, and by the sound of it, he’s working pretty hard to stay awake too. You turn under the covers, trying not to muss them too much and he seems to get the idea. Warm hands land on your sides again as he helps you turn toward him, eager to pull you closer.

It’s a little brighter when you face him, but that’s never bothered you. Especially not when you’re this worn out. He sighs happily at this change, and his arms circle tightly around you, a hand finding the back of your head and threading itself through your hair.

His digits comb against your scalp ever so gently, drawing a pleased hum from your closed lips. Not many people know (because how could they? He certainly isn’t going around talking about it), but Grillby is quite a physical being. He had some old hang ups that made it hard for him to embrace that about himself at first, and is polite and accommodating to a fault sometimes, but once you’d made him comfortable enough he gave in to his desire to hold you more often, and hold you closely.

Once again, you thank the fucking stars for that. Especially on nights like these. Gone is any trace of the icy chill that consumed you earlier.

Without missing a beat, you place your own hands on his broad back, now giving him the same treatment you had received earlier. He’s larger than you, as most monsters tend to be, but it doesn’t hinder your efforts to gently rub your arm up and down along his spine, fingers only deftly making contact. The hand not doing this splays out across his shoulder blade, then creeps up to rest on the point where his shoulder meets his neck. It wouldn’t be long now for either of you. Your eyelids close, but he looks down at your calm form for a little longer.

A murmured utterance of your name grips the last inklings of your attention. Your eyes slowly drag themselves open again, and a drowsy, “Hmn..?” escapes you. His voice is almost a whisper when he speaks, leaning down so his mouth is closer to your head.

“I love you...” Grillby breathes out. You smile, and lightly kiss whatever of his skin is closest to your lips. That turns out to be a spot on his chest, right under his collar. There’s a small smooching sound as you pull back.

“...Love you too.” You exhale against him. With the last of his effort, he throws a leg over yours, crooking it to bring you closer still, and fully embrace you.

Those are the last words spoken that night. All that follows is the dull crackling of flames and the soft sound of breathing as you both allow your bodies the rest they’ve been aching for.

#Grillby/Reader #Grillby x Reader #grillby #undertale grillby #undertale #Undertale x reader #Undertale/reader #undertale imagines #imagine undertale #Reader-insert #Yaaaayyy I had fun with this one woohoo #First suggestion!#Thank you!!!#hehehehehe

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herecomesnaya · 3 years

Note

Oh here I am, I think I'll take a bottle of: Roman’s abusive tactics have worn down Jason 2020, if you don't mind, thank you very much 🤲

yes indeedy! let’s see what I got here...

so, in the beginning, Jason was a lot different than he is now in terms of attitude. snarkier. more willing to fight back. his internal monologue less doubtful and uncertain of himself. able to spit Roman’s cum into his wine glass and walk away without a second thought. says no out loud more often, implies Roman is the crazy one.

but then, slowly, it changes around. it’s (I hope) subtle at first. Roman’s first tactic to start breaking Jason down isn’t to tear him down, but to build him up. he calls him a good boy. praises him for taking it so well. shows the barest modicum of care at some points, which feels like a hell of a lot to Jason, considering 1) it’s Black Mask and 2) Jason doesn’t ever particularly feel like he’s worthy of praise, so it leaves more of an impact when it happens.

starting in chapter 4, Roman begins to change Jason’s line of thinking from what he wants to what Roman wants. it starts off most evidently during sex, so Jason doesn’t realize what’s happening, just thinks of it in the context of it being a play scene. but the reason Roman broke him down until Jason told him to do whatever he wanted to him is because he was trying to prime Jason to carry that belief with him outside of the bedroom.

by chapter 5, he’s managed to convince Jason slowly over the course of the fic that what Roman wants, though, is actually what Jason wants. Jason may not entirely believe it yet, but Roman consistently reinforces this narrative:

“I-I— I'm sorry, okay?” he says, hoping that'll be the end of it. “I was wrong. You were right. Could you stop being weird now?”

“Oh, but I'm only giving you what you want,” Roman says, his voice like silk over ice. “Let's try things your way. What do you say, boys? Hm? Should we give Red Hood's methods a chance?”

the purpose is to make Jason doubt himself. to gaslight him into thinking that he practically asked to be treated like shit. because he comes when they have sex, and Roman treats him like shit while they fuck, so clearly that means Jason’s desires = being treated like shit, right?

chapter 6 is probably Jason’s last big defiant action before he gets, well, not completely complacent, but pretty damn close. fucking Chain is something he’d never have done at the beginning of the fic, but by this point, his psyche has already been re-shaped a bit by Roman’s tactics. sex is at the forefront of his mind where it wouldn’t have been before. sex is a tactic to get what you want from someone: he learned that from Roman.

by the end of the chapter, he’s gone through subspace (not for the first time in the fic, but more on that in my subspace meta), and while he’s still in that state, Roman does one of his little tactics to get Jason to trust him more: he takes off his mask while they’re in bed together, although he doesn’t let Jason see.

in chapter 7, we get more of Roman undermining Jason’s intelligence:

“Oh, Red,” Roman says with a shake of his head. “Still tragically incompetent with words, as always. You're lucky I know you well enough to realize you've got more going in there than you let on.” He accompanies this with a tap to his temple, and Jason at least has the good sense to feel offended.

he constantly reinforces the narrative that Jason has more brawns than brain, and needs someone like Roman to get him to “think clearly.” this is meant to make Jason doubt himself, wonder if he’s really thinking straight when Roman isn’t in his head.

in chapter 7, Jason also asks for one of the things he’s consistently been denied: boundaries. and Roman’s response?

“I admit I was a bit overzealous. I apologize,” Roman says, not sounding very contrite. “But that's exactly what I'm talking about. You need to trust that whatever I do to you, it'll work out in your favor. Do you think you can do that for me?”

Roman asks for obedience, not thought. trust, not mutual understanding. it’s about what he wants, and Jason, more and more, is starting to go along with it.

and what happens when Jason trusts Roman? well, he gets one of the best fucks of his life...

but also, a bunch of people die. whoops?

Jason’s guilt over this incident is so strong, and Dick comes into the story at exactly the perfect time to exacerbate that. in chapter 8, here’s where things really take a turn for the worse.

Jason is put in a position where he has to justify his attraction to Roman, and defend himself against actions that he feels personally responsible for. and what happens when he does that? it reinforces the until now unspoken belief that he really does want Roman to do whatever he wants to him.

because now there’s another party involved. now Dick knows he didn’t fight back like he “could” have, like he “should” have. now Jason, in his mind, has outside confirmation that he’s a willing party in this, and even goes so far as to wish he’s being raped to avoid having any culpability in it.

(the irony here being that Jason is being raped, because Roman consistently pushes past his boundaries when he says a clear “no.” he just doesn’t realize that it still counts as rape even if you come. he’d realize this if it were someone else in his position, but because it’s him, because he’s Jason Todd, because he’s stupid, because he doesn’t know how to admit what he wants, it can’t be rape. it can’t be. right?)

so he ends up leaving the confrontation with Dick feeling more isolated from his family, his only possible support system. feeling on edge, terrified that Dick will tell Bruce, and that he’ll be ousted from the family again, the black sheep that no one likes.

it’s this guilt and doubt and pain and terror that brings him into Roman’s arms, where he does arguably the most extreme session of the fic to that point. and that’s exactly where Roman wants him.

the next day, Roman really ramps things up. he sets up a fake situation where it appears that he’s been worriedly tending to Jason’s wounds all night. author’s note: he hasn’t. he’s full of fucking shit.

this line right here?

“I knew it,” he says a moment later, shoulders sagging under the tailored sleeves of his suit. “I knew you'd wake up as soon as I left.”

this is a little writer’s trick we in the biz like to call “a lie.” Roman can say that line literally whenever he comes into Jason’s room, and it’s like, oops, he only just stepped out for a minute! teehee! when in reality, he’s left Jason alone the entire night. Jason never receives proper aftercare, this is intentional.

but it still works. Roman manages to convince Jason, in his despair, to part with the knowledge that he used to be Robin. Jason is so alone at this point, he just wants someone to know that he’s in pain. and Roman has gotten him into subspace and “taken away the pain” often enough that Jason relies on him for it now. it’s like a drug to him.

and then comes the present. a simple gesture, and an easy one when you’re as rich as Roman Sionis. just a couple books. but to Jason, they mean so much more. they’re a “confirmation” that Roman listened to him speak about more than just business and sex. a “confirmation” that he does care, at least a little bit.

spoilers: he doesn’t. he doesn’t at all. it’s just a cheap way to endear Jason to him further, and Jason is in such an emotionally wrecked state that it actually works.

and then what does Roman do right when Jason has that realization?

he buys a bunch of hookers and spends all night paying attention to one.

give Jason attention, take it away. make him jealous. make it so that Jason is the one who wants Roman’s attention, not the other way around. and it works.

and when Jason gets upset and expresses that to Roman, his feelings are again downplayed and minimized.

“...I already told you what this means. Did you see a collar on her?”

It takes a second for Jason to realize Roman’s let up on his throat enough for him to speak. When he does, it’s hesitant and raspy.

“...No.” Roman lifts him by the neck, smacks his head pointedly back against the concrete. Jason corrects himself. “No, sir.”

Again, his airway gets cut off. “That’s right. Just because I’ve got some bimbo hanging off my arm doesn’t mean I give a damn about her one way or the other. This was supposed to boost morale, after everything that’s happened.”

Jason winces. He wonders if “everything” means his illness, or if it stretches all the way back to the former lieutenants now headless and chained to the bottom of Gotham Harbor. Either way, it’s his fault. That much is clear.

so now, once again, Jason feels responsible for his own anguish, even when it’s Roman’s fault, specifically building him up and tearing him down again. gaslighting him more to make him feel crazy. like he can’t trust his own emotions. like he needs Roman to make sense of them for him.

so Jason gets drunk to deal with the pain. and Roman eventually relents and gives him the attention he wants.

how does Jason respond?

a drunken love confession. Jason is now so broken down that he mistakes Roman’s token affection for love. he wants it to be love. he needs it to be, because that would make everything make sense. the way he feels. the way Roman is acting. everything.

and then, once Jason confesses, we get another sharp slap to the face by Roman: his “punishment” for being driven to drink, being cuckolded by Ms. Li. Roman knows at this point that Jason loves him. he’s using that against him by forcing Jason to watch him with someone else.

but he also throws him a bone: the knowledge that there’s a shipment coming in. he knows Jason wants to know about it. knows why he’s there. he needs to keep Jason tethered to him, keep him feeling like he’s getting what he wants when he’s actually doing exactly what Roman wants.

we can also see Roman continuing to subtly tear down Jason’s confidence in himself:

“Son, please,” Roman sighs, lifting a hand to cut him off. “Quite the contrary. It wasn’t an accident that I let you overhear that last night. That was your reward for complying so well, if anything.”

Immediately, Jason feels like his outburst was overblown. He shrinks back into his seat, looking down at the scraps of food on his plate.

Jason isn’t allowed to question Roman. if he does, it’s only because he’s an overdramatic brat. his feelings are constantly minimized, replaced by whatever feelings Roman deems it appropriate for him to have.

and then we get to the most recent chapter, with Roman manipulating Jason into having a conversation with Batman. Jason is given a week to prepare what he wants to say. and what does Roman do?

he doesn’t give Jason a second alone to think. constantly on him, fucking him, hurting him, giving him pleasure, distracting him. he doesn’t want Jason to be prepared. he wants him to be caught off-guard and thinking only of what Roman wants. then, only then, will he be the perfect little soldier to stand in front of Batman and pledge his allegience to Black Mask properly.

and that’s where we left off! there’s going to be even more delicious, horrible manipulation in the newest chapter, so I hope you guys are excited! can’t wait to publish it!

#ask #fic chatter #Blurry #daddy tag #tw rape #tw abuse #elidebrey

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caranfindel · 3 years

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Recap/review 15.18: “Despair”

THEN: The key to Billie's library. Billie wants to become God. Cas made a deal with The Empty. Chuck absorbed Amara. Jack absorbed Adam's rib. Dean pointed a gun at Sam (DEAN POINTED A GUN AT SAM.) Chuck is pissed. Jack is going to explode.

NOW: We begin right where we left off last week, with Jack about to explode with God-killing power. Sam half-carries him into the map table room, Cas tells him to take deep breaths and focus, and Dean gets all panicky and is no help at all. Jack wants the guys to just leave him outside in order to minimize the damage when he goes kaboom. {Sidebar... how far away would he have to be, considering that his explosive power could kill God? Discuss.} Dean yells at Sam to find one of Rowena's spells (and oh, Sam as Rowena's apprentice; there's a plot that was sadly wasted, wasn't it?) but he's interrupted by Billie and her scythe, which she's carrying in a very obvious way. She's furious, and tells them the plan to destroy Chuck was doomed "because of you." Billie can't stop Jack's earth-shattering kaboom, "but there is something I can do." She sends him to the Empty. Empty!Meg cheerfully points out that he doesn't look so hot, but then he looks explosively hot. Ah, there's our earth-shattering kaboom!

Bunker. Billie explains that The Empty was the only option to absorb the impact of Jack the Bomb. And that he's not necessarily dead, because taking out Chuck and Amara was the part that was fatal, not actually being the bomb. Hmm. So Jack's point of no return wasn't actually a point of no return after all. It's kinda retconny, but not really? I've decided it's logical and I approve.

However, if the Empty survives, "it's gonna be pissed." Particularly at Billie. And it's very strong. Billie and Sam remind us that the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned. They do not get into the details of what constitutes a summoning, but I'm sure that isn't important. And Billie might be willing to bring Jack back, assuming he survived, but not until Sam returns what he took from her. Chuck's death book.

Sam immediately goes on the attack. He points out that she was planning to betray them from the start, leading to the deaths of all the AU refugees and everyone who was brought back from death, including him and Dean. "Even if I give you the book," he says, "what's to stop you from stabbing us in the back? Killing us all?"

"Nothing," Billie says. She gets up in Sam's face and tells him Jack won't last long. Either give her the book now, or lose him forever. (Can I just point out that Sam is still a little bloody from Dean punching him in the face? After he pointed a gun at him?)

Meanwhile, in the Empty, we discover that Jack is still alive (yay) and that this episode was directed by Richard Speight (yay). He is surrounded by particles that gradually form back into Empty!Meg. And, as predicted, she's pissed.

In the bunker, Sam brings the book to Billie, but ignores her outstretched hand and slams it onto the table instead. It's a pointless little burst of defiance and I love it.

Billie flips to the end to read the new ending of God's book, "since you ruined the last one." She seems to like what she reads. Sam says "Wait, the ends of your books change? So me killing Rowena was presented as unavoidable fate but it really wasn't necessary at all?" No, he actually doesn't. But I do, on his behalf. It's a pointless little burst of defiance. Over in the Empty, Empty!Meg grabs Jack's head and says "you made it loud!" and this is a conversation I've had with my dogs in the wee dark hours of the morning more times than I can count because we just want to SLEEP, GUYS but before she can actually crush his head, Billie zaps him back to the bunker.

Billie tells the guys that Jack is hers because he's still useful. Dean responds by grabbing her scythe and swinging at her. She flings him away, but she's wounded and bleeding light. Oh, and she dropped the book. Sam and Cas ignore Dean crumpled over against the wall - Cas runs to comfort Jack, and Sam runs to pick up the book. Unfortunately, he can't open it. Dean says "hey, thanks for not helping me, guys" and Sam says "oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm still a little rattled from you punching me in the face after you pointed a gun at me." No, he doesn't. But I do, on his behalf.

Several people have pointed out how skinny Jared looks in these last few episodes, but this is the first time I've noticed it. It will be interesting to see how he looks in the two that were filmed after their Covid shutdown.

Time jump. Dean is sitting in the library, drinking whiskey. And I've said it a million times but I'll say it again - I could watch an entire episode that was just Dean drinking. And then it gets even better when Sam walks in wearing only a v-neck t-shirt. Single layer Sam alert, guys! How long has it been? Dean slides the bottle over to him and we get a little bonus hand porn and then this happens:

Sam, I'm sorry about... everything.

Dean, you don't have to -

I pulled a gun on you. It's like I just couldn't stop. You know, we were so close to beating him. Like, I could smell Chuck's blood in the water, and I - nothing else mattered. It was everything. And I just couldn't snap out of it.

Well, you did. You've snapped me out of worse.

Hmmm. Am I missing a time when Dean snapped Sam out of something? I mean, I know in Stull, Sam was able to overcome Lucifer because of Dean. But that was Sam snapping himself out of it. And Dean convinced Sam to give up the trials, but that wasn't Sam under anything that he needed to be "snapped out of." I think if you're going to give Dean credit for snapping himself out of it when confronted by his teary eyed, bloodied little brother, you have to give Sam credit for snapping himself out of his own situations.

It doesn't matter. All that matters is these two sitting quietly in the dark, drinking whiskey together.

Dean's feeling some despair (nice) because Billie wants them dead, Jack is powerless (oh, wait, when did that happen?), and Michael isn't answering his prayers. No one is on their side. "Well, we regroup, somehow," says Sam. They drink a sad little toast to "somehow," and I die a thousand deaths.

Billie's library. Billie stalks angrily through the stacks. A reaper informs her he put up warding to keep the Empty out, and asks if the plan has changed. Yes, it has.

Elsewhere, a woman we don't know is cooking some seriously dry scrambled eggs. She thinks she knows what she's doing, because she's explaining to someone else in the room how to cook eggs so they're "not too runny, not too dry" but seriously. Gordon Ramsay would be appalled. {Sidebar: Gordon's eggs actually look a bit too runny for my taste, and my family would refuse to eat them, but this lady's dry crumbly eggs are still an abomination.} She turns around and we see AU Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. Oh, Charlie has a girlfriend! Sweet. And she must be in love, because she tells this girlfriend that they're the best eggs she's ever had. And also, she's still hunting. Guess she didn't retire to a mountaintop after all. Probably because she couldn't get wifi. Anyway. Her girlfriend's plate crashes to the floor because her girlfriend abruptly disappeared. (Aw, her name was Stevie. Stevie and Charlie. How cute is that?)

Time jump. Charlie's apartment building is called Kim Manor. Nice.

As Sam runs the EMF meter (and there's a nice wordless conversation where Sam lets Dean know he didn't find anything), Charlie talks about how they met (thanks to AU Bobby) and how she experienced nothing when Stevie disappeared. No sulphur smell, no cold, nothing. Dean and Sam have another wordless conversation about what they think happened.

Dean and Sam explain that Billie wants to send all the AU people back to their now non-existent worlds. So Stevie was from AU World too? I guess that explains how AU Bobby knew her. Coincidentally, Sam's phone rings, and it's AU Bobby. They have an extremely short conversation in which Sam learns that another AU hunter simply vanished. And there's no explanation on Sam's end, just "yeah, I understand." So have they already talked to AU Bobby about the Billie situation? Or was Sam and Bobby's conversation literally "hey, a hunter vanished into thin air, how weird is that" and "yeah, I understand" with no further discussion? Anyway. Dean says it's open season on anyone from another world (aw, sorry, Winchesters in Brazil), anyone who came back from the dead, and Sam gets a horrified look on his face and says "Eileen." Oh shit!

Meanwhile, out by the Impala, in broad daylight, Jack tells Cas that he feels strange because the plan failed and his destiny was averted. "I was ready to die, and I wanted to - for Sam, for Dean, for the world - I wanted to make things right. And now I don't know why I'm even here." OF COURSE HE LISTED SAM FIRST. Cas tells him he didn't need absolution from anyone, and that they care about him not because of his usefulness, but just because he's him. Somewhere Dean says "um, wait." Jack is scared because he's powerless and can't protect anyone. Cas is too. So, did Jack lose his powers after the earth shattering kaboom? Or earlier, and I just wasn't paying attention?

Nighttime. Dean speeds down the road as Sam texts Eileen. I don't know where Eileen is, but she must be pretty far away from Kim Manor. Sam told her to get out of her house, go somewhere public, and wait by her car. Now, I cover the guest star credits, so I don't know if Shoshanna is in this episode. But even unspoiled, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be there when they arrive. She starts to type a response, as evidenced by the bubbles, but then stops responding. Yep, just as I thought, no one is standing by her car. Sam finds her phone on the ground, cracked as if it were dropped (like, say, by someone who disappeared while holding it) and LOOK AT HER LOCKSCREEN. LOOK AT IT.

Some will say this is just the photo that pops up when Sam texts her but they are WRONG. This is her FREAKING LOCK SCREEN, PEOPLE.

Anyway. He sees the unfinished message she was writing, which says she's by her car. Aw, Sam. Dean tries to talk to him and he says "I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now."

Aw, SAM!

Sam compartmentalizes his grief and jumps into take-care-of-everyone mode. He says they need to gather everyone together, and they need to find a location central to everyone. Well, I mean, there is one place I know of that is literally the central most point in the United States, maybe you could go there? It's supposed to be secure from all things supernatural, too. Dean says that while Sam is going that, he is going to go end what he started. OH, GOOD. I WAS HOPING THEY WOULD SPLIT UP. "We couldn't make Chuck pay, but Billie? She left her blade. Her I can kill." Hey, wouldn't be the first time. Sam agrees, Cas says he'll go with Dean, and we get a brother hug. Once again, Dean does the two things I love when he hugs Sam: 1. he puts his arms on top, as if he were still the taller brother, and b. he looks away and packs up his emotions before he lets Sam see his face after the hug. "Let's go, Cas," he says. "Let's go reap a reaper." Cas turns and follows without saying anything at all to Sam or Jack, but I'm sure that won't be an issue.

Time jump - it's daytime. Sam's on the phone with Donna, who is standing outside her truck (but didn't she used to have a big black SUV?) at that bridge we've seen so many times. She's sending him to "the old Harmon property," which should be just what he's looking for because it has an abandoned silo. I mean, I wouldn't jump immediately to abandoned silo, but maybe there weren't any abandoned warehouses around. She says it's in Hastings, just south of her, and if you think I didn't confirm that the town of Hastings is in fact about 30 minutes south of Stillwater, Minnesota then you just don't know me at all.

Sam is at a gas station and oh, he's driving Eileen's car! That's not heartbreaking at all. I guess she didn't have her keys in her pocket when she disappeared. (Hah, like Sam Winchester needs keys.) Donna and AU Bobby are rounding up everyone they can think of. She asks what the plan is, and Sam bends down creepily to look at Jack in the passenger seat and says "I'm still working on that." I mean, I know they keep telling us Jack lost his powers, but the way Sam looks at him right here certainly suggests Jack is part of the plan, and maybe not in a good way. (Spoiler alert: seriously, why do I even bother.)

Sam comes around to Jack's window and tells him he needs him to drive, because Sam needs to work on archives and spells and stuff. And is that true, or is this just "I don't expect you to live through this part so I want to let you have some time behind the wheel of Eileen's 1970 Plymouth Valiant?" (At least that's what The Husband thinks it is.)

Bunker. Enter Dean and Cas. Dean declares that if Billie isn't in her library, they'll just trash the place to "smoke her out." It's an interesting choice of words.

Foreshadowing Dean as the new Death? (Remember, I'm completely unspoiled. I know nothing.)

Silo. Let's stick to this location for now. Sam and Jack pull up and are greeted by Donna. Jack goes inside to set up the warding, and Donna gives Sam a nice hug.

I want to be there.

She tells him she's sorry about Eileen and gets one of his sad little nods that I love so much. Bobby is already here, and she name-drops Garth and Jody and the girls, saying they're on "high alert." Sam tells her they're not on Billie's list, so they should be safe. And so should Donna. Well, that's good to know. Sam's surprised to see Charlie pull up. She tells him "I just don't want this to happen to anyone else." I don't know what you think you're going to be able to do, Charlie, but okay.

Turns out the silo is actually a Tardis, so I guess maybe it was a good choice. It's huge on the inside, and is also more finished than any silo I've ever been in (which is, okay, one silo, but still.) The interior is already heavily warded. Several people are milling about. {Sidebar: How many hunters were away from the bunker when Michael attacked, and why have none of them returned?} Bobby tells Sam that as soon as the hunters heard he wanted them there, they came running. "Whether you like it or not, you're the big man here." Hey, I wonder if the guy who called him Chief is here. Bobby, being a man after my own heart, is mostly concerned about the bathroom situation. Sam hopes they won't be there long enough for it to be an issue. He has a spell from Rowena (!) that should boost the strength of the wards, but that's all he has. Bobby doesn't look very reassured, and glances in a foreshadowy way at a family with kids. Sam looks around at all of these people he feels responsible for and takes a deep breath and oh, my heart.

Donna and Jack are painting more wards. Jack bends down to look at a plant, and Donna comes up to him and says "I'm no expert on this hoodoo stuff, but best we patch that up, yeah?" and I don't know what the hell she's talking about. What is this plant disturbing? Jack reaches out to touch the plant and it withers away as his hand gets close. Friends, I'm pretty sure this is a bad sign. Jack is too. He stares at his hand, and if he'd been watching a few seasons ago, he would have noticed that plants did the same thing when Amara touched them. Coincidence???

Later we see everyone watch as Sam recites the spell. (Yes, it's hot. Do you even have to ask?) The sigils glow red briefly and then fade, and the music turns ominous and I think this means his boost failed. But I guess not, because Sam says now they wait. But they don't have to wait long, because suddenly one of the children dissolves into smoke. One by one, all of the AU people dissolve like they've been snapped by Thanos. Charlie runs up to Sam and says "Sam, what do we do" just like Maggie did, and just like Maggie she's taken out immediately. Sam watches in horror as AU Bobby smokes out. He turns to Donna, who says "Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good," and then Donna is gone! Crap! Jack and Sam are left staring at the empty-except-for-them silo.

One more serving of despair, coming right up.

On to the other side.

Dean enters Billie's library, brandishing the scythe. Cas follows, bearing only a hangdog expression. Dean motions for him to go one direction and Dean goes the other, soon finding Billie. He thinks he's sneaking up behind her, but she says "So, I guess this is the part where I say hello boys. Hello, boys." Oh, I was wrong; Cas has his angel blade. Billie snarks about Dean's bad aim, and he says he wasn't trying to kill her then (which seems like a lie), but he is now, because of what she's doing to his people. Billie slams him against the wall again. She chokes Cas Darth Vader-style from a distance, and then the old fashioned way. "Remember when you stabbed me in the back?" she says. "Because I do." Oh, that's funny, because earlier Sam said she was going to stab them in the back. She should have said "like you stabbed me?"

Dean comes to the rescue by poking her with the blunt end of the scythe rather than the pointy end, so maybe she was right about his bad aim. Then he gets the blade against her throat (but still not the sharp end, just the back) and demands that she stop killing his friends. She says she didn't - it was Chuck. And Dean's wasting time.

I'm considering it time well spent, because it looks so nice.

Billie tells Dean the injury he gave her earlier is something she can't recover from - she's going to die. She pulls away her coat to show him a nasty festering wound, and I wonder why something so physical would kill her, but. Eh. She tells him she doesn't care about his friends or family. "But seeing you here has reminded me of something. There is one thing I'd like. One wish before I go. I'd like to see you dead." She grabs her scythe back, flings the boys around, and slowly stalks toward them. Dean and Cas rush through the door back into the bunker.

Dean is panicky again, trying to figure out what to do next. He's suddenly struck down by chest pain, and I expect to see someone sticking a knife (or a scythe) in his back, but it's actually Billie doing it Darth Vader-style again. Cas drags him away as Billie monologues. "It's you, Dean; it's always been you. Death-defying. Rule-breaking. You are everything I lived to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate." Yeah, we know, Dean's awesome. We get this speech every season.

Cas and Dean end up in the dungeon storeroom. Cas gets Dean's knife out of his pocket and cuts his own hand to paint a sigil on the door. It looks like an angel banishing sigil, but apparently it block's Billie's power. Not permanently, though, because it fades as she pounds on the door. Cas says that since the wound is killing her, they just have to wait her out.

Yeah, and if we can't?

Then we fight.

We'll lose. I just led us into another trap. All because I couldn't hurt Chuck. Because I was angry, and because I just needed something to kill, and because that's all I know how to do.

Dean.

It was Chuck all along. We never should have left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now.

Yes you should, Dean, you really really should. Dean is practically drowning in despair, which, you know. Is a good thing. 10/10 would recommend. "She's gonna get through that door," he tells Cas. "And she's gonna kill you, and then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry."

"Wait, there is one thing she's afraid of," Cas says. "There's one thing strong enough to stop her." He tells Dean about the deal he made to save Jack in the Empty.

Friends, I'm going to do you a favor. If you haven't seen the episode, and aren't planning to watch the episode, I want you to read this paragraph and then skip down until you see the pretty picture of Dean. And start reading after that picture. Trust me. So, Cas summons the Empty just as Billie breaks down the door. The Empty kills Billie, but she also takes Cas. Dean is saved but Cas is gone.

{Sigh. Can I skip this part? No, I owe it to you.}

Cas explains that the Empty was going to come snatch him away as soon as he experienced a moment of true happiness. But happiness isn't having, happiness is knowing. And Dean is wonderful and "Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love." You just threatened to shoot your little brother for love, for example. Cas is teary eyed and Dean looks confused as hell and I pause the TV and turn to The Husband and we have this conversation:

I don't think I can watch this.

Why, because it's so sappy?

No, because I think they're going to kiss.

What? Why would they kiss? Is there something I'm missing?

Because part of the fandom WANTS them to kiss, and there's this group of fans that are super obnoxious about it, and they harass the actors and the writers and I think now the show thinks EVERYBODY wants them to kiss. Even though the guy who plays Dean* says it would never happen. Because I know he wasn't happy about the way the show ended, and I'm afraid this is why he wasn't happy.

...

I don't think they're gonna kiss.

If they do, I'm done.

*The Husband is not on a first name basis with Jensen.

So, let me point out that The Husband, who watches this show the way a normal human being watches a show (i.e., doesn't interact with the fandom at all), had absolutely NO expectation that they would kiss. Anyway, with some trepidation, I push play again. And Cas is still going. Dean is the most caring, selfless, loving human being on earth (OH GOD MAKE IT STOP) and knowing him has changed Cas.

Why does this sound like a goodbye?

Because it is. I love you.

Don't do this, Cas.

We see a black blob materialize behind Dean, because even though the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned, there it is. And I could argue about whether Cas being happy actually summoned the damn thing but I've already lost the will to live, so instead I'm going to describe to you how I watched in horror, with my finger hovering over the pause button, as Cas reached out to Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. But he just pushed him out of the way. Thank you baby Jesus. Billie breaks the door down as the Empty slurps into the dungeon. It surrounds Cas and Billie and sucks them into its depths. Dean is left alone. Oh, and he has a bloody palm print on his jacket from Cas grabbing his shoulder. I guess someone did watch a little bit of older seasons after all. Hard to tell sometimes.

I mean, at least he looked good, right?

Back at the silo. I've decided it must be mostly underground and isn't a grain silo like I thought. So what kind of silo do Yankees have that's mostly underground? Anyway. Jack and Sam emerge, having failed catastrophically at their mission. Sam is trying to call Dean, who isn't answering. He looks mildly panicky. "Sam?" Jack says, a little shaky. "Was it just them?"

OH CRAP. I didn't even think of that possibility.

"I don't know," Sam says, also shaky. And as we see an empty gas station and playground, it really looks like it wasn't just them at all. Sam and Jack look at each other, alone and terrified. And back in the bunker's dungeon, Dean's phone rings. It's Sam. He doesn't answer.

Despair!

So. You know how sometimes something really good will happen in an episode? And I'll say, no matter how bad this episode is, this 90 seconds makes it worth it? Well, sometimes the opposite happens. Sometimes you get a two or three minute scene - a horribly written, badly acted scene - and it's so awful that it ruins an episode. A season. A show. I'm angry that the showrunners pandered to a small, noisy minority of fans to throw something into the show that most fans didn't want and didn't help the story at all. I'm annoyed that, once again, Dean is put up on an embarrassingly overwrought pedestal. I'm kind of amused that they did this in the worst way possible. Cas's love was unrequited (unless they screw that up in the next episode), Misha's acting caused so much secondhand embarrassment that I had a hard time watching again, and from what I see on Tumblr, half of the Destihellers are furious because "Dean is a homophobe." Which is bullshit. Not returning someone's romantic affection isn't homophobia. It's consent. (I know... on this show? Ha ha.)

{Sidebar: If "Destiel" means the characters have mutual feelings for each other, doesn't this mean Destiel is not, in fact, canon? I mean, it was already so badly written that one could argue Cas wasn't proclaiming romantic love, but just a life-changing experience thanks to one human. Discuss.}

But I need to stop thinking about it. I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now.

And this wasn't even the Buckleming episode, friends. There is probably a Buckleming episode left.

I got so distracted by this nonsense that I almost forgot to talk about the Jack situation. So here's how I feel about that. I love Jack as a character. I love him as someone the Winchesters could lose (Basically, someone to stuff in the fridge? Why not.) But I don't want him to be one of them. I don't want Jack's story to be treated as if it were as important as the Winchester's story. Just like I didn't want Cas to have his own plots. I want it always, always to come down to Sam and Dean.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have more to say. But for right now, all I'm saying is this: I pledge to stick with this show, to stick with fanworks, no matter how badly they fuck up the landing. But guys, you don't have to try so hard to fuck it up.

Two to go. As always, help me stay unspoiled, including casting info and episode titles.

#spn #15.18 #spoilers #recap #tv recaps

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tomorrow-human · 4 years

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MY THOUGHTS ON iDKHOW'S ALBUM DEBUT: RAZZMATAZZ

So I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME have just released RAZZMATAZZ today and heres what I think...

[SIDE A]

¹LEAVE ME ALONE:

A bombastic opening track. Was released in the beginning of August...? Probably? This song just SCREAMS at you with retro futuristic funkiness. It has 8-bity flourishes in the instrumentation and seems to be maybe talking to the same person as Choke (from 1981 E.P.) and the title track Razzmatazz have been (or maybe a separate entity as suggested by the vinyl booklet and Indoctoration?).

Anyway, fantastic track, great opener, and nice mood-setter.

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²INDOCTORATION:

It's... eerie. It's not a song in the same sense as Leave Me Alone, despite having a wobbly backing track. It's a spoken interlude that seems to be initiating you into Tellex maybe? It yet again mentions the White Shadows that will be overseeing your progress with Tellex. It seems oddly nostalgic for some reason. That's strange. Overall, solid little piece of lore building that really reinforces the concept aspects.

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³MAD IQs:

It's the first song from this album that wasn't released as a single and it made my jaw literally drop. It has a similar lyrical and vocal structure to the opener and New Invention, but what I like is how much they were able to do with it, though it makes you wonder about how far apart these songs were written; but In the context of the albums concept and the Tellex stuff however, it could be interpreted as a corporate decision, this repetition. The minimal instrumentation in the verses with Ryan's sturdy drumming and Dallon's bassline makes me go fucking bananas. It's so fucking great and full of this punchy energy. And the HARMONIES. YES. "Voluntary victim~" "I'm burning~ in your mad IQs" SIR STOP BEING SO VOCALLY TALENTED. Also I think i heard him shriek right before the bridge which? Snazzy. So Mad IQs, energetic track, filled with more of iDKHOWs signature darkness.

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⁴NOBODY LIKE THE OPENING BAND:

Ah yes, Opening Band. Ironic considering how often iDKHOW are the opening band, but I'm sure that's obvious, seeing how they usually sing this one at the start of their gigs. It was actually (I think) the first or second song I didn't know how but found through youtube so I might be pretty biased here. It's a sweet sounding change of pace with the instrumentation being made up of only the piano and tambourine that tells of a typical opening band, that no ones ever heard before and likely will never hear again, via a sympathetic narrator with a hint of the typical iDKHOW teasing. In all honesty, it would've worked better as the album opener, which then could've been followed by Leave Me Alone, but it's a nice change of pace overall.

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⁵NEW INVENTION:

I already reviewed this song on my other blog right here so imma keep this brief. It shares similar aspects to Leave Me Alone, with the music video concept and song structure, but It manages to darken the narrative, and the choir-esq harmonies sound like ultra bright neon lights that only push this mood further. It still is a magnificent song and by far one of my favourites in the album.

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⁶IN THE GALLOWS:

MASSIVE SHIFT IN STYLE HOLY FUCKOLY-. The track opens with a very cutesy old timey little piano intro and starts the verse with a little funny beat. If you don't listen to the lyrics, it sounds like a silly little oldie song. But as we all know, iDKHOW doesn't do silly. The lines "For you, I'd die▪︎Or kill myself▪︎which ever makes you smile," From just the first verse are a prime example of this. The narrators murderous and suicidal intentions have clouded the romantic attraction into obsession- And I kinda like that, in a poetic way. The chorus is a standout, with the calm start to the explosion in the line "I'd swing from the gallows and wave" that just swings at you with a baseball bat to the chest. Oh, and the sax solo? Magnificent. This whole song is a chefs kiss from me.

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⁷CLUSTERHUG:

I love the lyrics of this song the most of it all. It sounds like a rebellious teenager wrote it after thinking about how shit their hometown is and wanting to get out. It also incorporates how much the narrator would want to do all this with their crush, adding that slightly goofy and pretend-aloof chorus of "only if you'd like me to I could fall in love with you" as if they weren't already in love or at least that's how I see it. The vibe of this song is more pop-y than the rest of the album, but that's more likely because it was repurposed for Razzmatazz after being originally written for The Brobecks, their older band. It's a nice little tune :).

[SIDE B]

⁸SUGAR PILLS:

This. Will. Get. Stuck. In. Your. Head- and. You. Will. Like. It. Basically, just seems like a song about drugs that, for some reason, reminds me of Gorillaz (who I dont even listen to). But the BASSLINE AGAIN- Jesus help me live. It has more of that energy we saw with the first few tracks and adds even more electronic elements. It's probably my second favourite song from this album that's not a single because of how fun the chorus sounds. What else can I say? I can just imagine myself bopping to this in the car screaming 'SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR PILLS' On a hot day.

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⁹KISS GOODNIGHT:

It's so sweet 🥺. It's one of those songs I could imagine a character in a movie singing to someone from a stage. If you want pretty song vibes just listen to it. Because it is a pretty song. And that's all I have to say on it. Now allow me to take a moment and shove it into my pretty song playlist that acts like my personal lullaby machine.

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¹⁰LIGHTS GO DOWN:

Yes. F u n k y. Give me that sweet sweet disco energy, thank you. It's just filled with all these *☆~blingy and sparkly~☆* effects, and, combined with the drumming, the result is just glorious. The best part of this song is in my opinion the bridge where it goes darker lyrically and in sound that just naturally slides into another funky-ass sax solo. I can definitely see myself dancing to this at a party and then in later years growing nostalgic for those days.

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¹¹NEED YOU HERE:

It's supposed to be happy in tone and hopeful slightly but it just makes me sad. It's a song about how, because Dallon has to tour because it's his job, he has to be away from his family often. And he had nO RIGHT ADDING HIS DAUGHTERS VOCALS AND RECORDINGS INTO THE MIX ITS LIKE HE WANTS US TO CRY. It's not my favourite of the album, not going to lie here, but it's also such a sweet song with nice instrumentals and vibe 🥺 so that's all I'll say.

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¹²DOOR:

It seems like this one was written around the time sad ukulele music was really at its peak but am I complaining? Fuck no because this song is great. It just gives it to you straight, that if the narrator ever does anything that the recipient doesn't like, they can always cut them out of their life. It's nice in that regard- you don't usually get songs that don't try to deflect the pain or gain pity. We need more of these kinds of songs. The shortness of it really adds to the effect of this being more like a regularly said thing, even though I'm always a bit sad that it ends so fast. It does, however, nicely close the near end of the album before Razzmatazz.

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¹³TOMORROW PEOPLE:

Creepy Tellex thank-you note. You're welcome..? I want no part in your conspiracy tho. Go away weird American corporate man voice.

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¹³RAZZMATAZZ:

And there it is. The title track. Like new inventions, I have already reviewed it here on that same blog so this will be brief also and more just thoughts. It's a great closer and is more old timey than most of the songs here as well. And with the last instrumental and sax solo, we come to the albums inevitable end... until next time.

[GENERAL THOUGHTS]

Overall, this was a fantastic little debut for iDKHOW and I loved it. So worth the pre-order. The songs were great and the lyrics were just excellent. My only real criticism is that the song order on Side A was a bit strange. I feel a way to fix this would be to throw Nobody Likes The Opening Band into the beginning, then have Leave Me Alone as a second track, and maybe even switch one of the songs on this side with one from Side B (either Mad IQs or New Invention with something else but then that would be kind of stretching it). Or maybe even switching Clusterhug with Mad IQs or New Invention could work. So in general? Razzmatazz good album. Next question.

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Thank you for reading, anyone who happens to see this and have read this. Hope you've enjoyed some of my thoughts on the debut and agreed with at least 2 points I made. See y'all on another review (or shitpost)!

-L.J

#idkhow #i dont know how but they found me #idkhbtfm #the i dont knows #dallon weekes #ryan seaman #lenas opinions #razzmatazz

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sinner-min-bun · 6 years

Text

Strangers▪️Min Yoongi

[A Min Yoongi x Reader Oneshot]

_______________________________________________________

⚜🌳⚜

It's a been three years since Mina's father past away.

Her life took a turn for the worse, becoming emotionally isolated, seeking thrills in the form of violent acts, and Befriending a dangerous crowd. Inevitably turning her boyfriend Taehyung, back to the habit of living a dangerous and carefree lifestyle. One he had abandoned in order to be accepted by Mina, since she wasn't fund of that toxic lifestyle.

Yes, she was aware of these changes but did so little to fix them. Barely acknowledging others around her.

We all learn to cope one way or another. Now blinding herself of everyone else's pain, was hers.

Mother thought it was only a matter of time, “She'll soon recover, it's nothing but a minimal trip on the road ahead of Her”. Pressing the bridge of her nose, clearing her blurry vision as she spoke to Taehyung, whom was doing the most to bring Mina out of her depressive state of mind.

"Mina you will be back to your normal, cheerful self and everything will be okay" she insisted. Threatening Taehyung every now and then to scare him off, even thought it was of no use.

She held a special place in his heart, “She might be right…” he thought, exiting Mina’s home without a goodbye.

Opening the umbrella as he stepped outside into the rain, “Maybe I'm not the one to fix you” his cries being masked by the pouring raín.

**********One Year Later************

Mina's Point of View

Taking In the night scenery, "It's quiet tonight. Perfect night to admire the stars, barely visible to the naked eye yet was able to illuminate the night sky." Thinking to myself as I walked further into the park’s pathways.

The fresh air lightly brushed my face. Walking around the park late at night. Always my to go spot when I couldn't sleep.

Nothing unusual in particular, so like any other night, I went for a twenty minute walk to a park. One we had a block or two near my apartment. I would sneak out making sure mother wouldn't hear me and wake up– She hates when I do that.

You see, after my father's death she became depressed. Drowned her sorrows down with a bottle of wine. Every now and then she would vow never to touch another drop again.

"Empty promises…" that's all they were at this point. Reliving every moment she would make that promise. Just to break it days or even hours later.

I'll have to admit, this year has been a bit different from the two before. Breaking the gut wrenching habit of bringing in stranger's into the apartment.

I'm glad. Unable to forget the occasion when one of them almost tried his luck with me. It filled me with rage. Needless to say, I've gained a few skills here and there as I roamed the streets at night, dangerous streets. Including weaponry thanks to the guy I still would wholeheartedly consider my boyfriend Taehyung. Even after knowing nothing of his whereabouts. Taking a piece of me with him.

Although he's the sweetest guy you'll ever met. He's got his own dark past he refused to open up, which I respect and leave that subject aside. But I'll be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to what it could've been.

Emitting a deep sigh. “I was weak, maybe that's why you decided to leave…” Raising my head to avoid tearing up.

*****************

Combing my fingers through my hair, I looked at the clock in my phone screen. "Wow, this time I took longer than usual".

Standing on the same spot, lost in my own thoughts again for so long. Almost appeared to be about ten minutes.

"I better get going" my voice being the only sound I could hear.

It tends to get dangerous around 12:30 at night.

You know what they say "the creeps come out at night". Yea all the kidnappers, druggies, drug dealers, and more.

As I continue my walk to exit the park. My fear turned reality.

"Oh shit". I thought to myself

I could feel a presence. Someone was following me.

"For fuck sake this is why I keep track of my time." Mentally Cursing myself with every obscenity known to man.

I prepared myself, slowly sliding the pocket knife in between my middle and index finger, a part of the knife peeking out my sweater.

Turning left I stepped into the small bridge, taking me across the other side of the lake.

It gave me the chance to hear his footsteps as he walked on to the bridge.

Ten steps. That's how far he was behind me. ‘God Dammit...I couldn't do much at this point’.

"Plan B". I took out my phone making it seem like I didn't notice the moron behind me and pretended to send a text to Taehyung’s old phone number.

<<To: Tae <3 >>

I miss you… help

[Message SEND]

"What's a pretty little thing doing here...this late at night" The stranger said.

Those words send chills down my back. "Fuck off" was the only words I could phrase together.

"Listen I can show you a good time, if you're willing to come with me" he added. His voice getting closer and closer, I could feel his hot breath.

"No thanks" being my final answer.

He kept insisting. Quickly getting tired of my attitude. As I was about to swing the knife towards his face. He managed to yank me by the shoulder.

"Let me go!" I yelled, getting loose of his grip. But his strength surpassed mine by a lot.

"HEY I SAID LET ME GO!" I yelled even louder hoping this time I would manage to get away.

Without a warning the man kissed the wooden boards of the bridge. Accidentally bringing me down with him.

He let go of me. I got up rubbing my shoulder now containing a large bruise.

I looked down to see him on the ground trying to cover his bloody nose and busted lip.

"Who the hell are you" I said startled by another stranger.

Giving no thought that he just saved me from a lunatic. "Great Now what do you want huh? I whined.

"Well a thank you should be enough" he said putting his hands back into his jacket.

"I could've handled it myself thank you very much" tired and aggravated from the creep before not wanting to deal with another one.

"Yea I could tell from the way he almost dragged you away" he said beginning to walk away from where we stood.

Although I didn't want to admit it, he was right.

"Thank you" I said before I started walking back to the other side of the bridge.

"Wait up"

It was him again, ‘what does he want now’.

"Listen I didn't mean to come out as rude back there. But you really shouldn't be walking alone this late at night"

"You don't need to worry about me, I can handle myself, plus I called my boyfriend."

I lied.

"Oh really. I don't see him anywhere" He taunted, moving his hand to show no one in sight.

A knot formed in my neck as I tried to swallow. My next few words coming out broken. "He p-probably didn't receive my message"

I lied again.

I increased my pace in order to lose him. I had to, before tears began to form. There's one thing I hated more than my mother drinking and that was crying.

To be specific people seeing me cry. It made me feel weak and that's something I never want to show.

"Well if that's the case, I'm not leaving you all alone to wander elsewhere. I'll walk you home". His offer sounding sincere to his word as he flashed a gummy smile.

The corner of my mouth twitched, almost wanting to smile.

"If I do, will that make you go away" expecting a simple answer.

"Yea... for now" he said said playfully nudging my arm.

"Ash..." I rolled my eyes in annoyance letting out a smile this time.

"Don't lie to me. A deal is a deal" I stated making sure he knew not to cross boundaries.

He Began to speak trying to engage in conversation.

"The sky seems brighter with the stars shining every now and then" I said staring up at the sky.

A shimmer in his eyes "Yeah it is." He agreed, taking off his hat to slightly fix it for a better view. "It's the beauty we see in the small imperfections nature has to offer."

I stared up at the Night sky.

Droplets of water landing on our faces. We kept walking and talking a bit more sharing laughs and small chuckles here and there.

The walk was only twenty minutes but it felt longer and I was grateful for it.

Across the streets there it was, my apartment. All the lights from every other apartment was off including mine. Which was a good sign, indicating my mother was still in deep slumber.

"Well this is it. Thank you again and goodbye" I said waiting for the light to turn red.

I walked away, still feeling his eyes on me every step of the way. Forbidding myself to turn back.

I hope we meet again stranger.

#oneshot #bangtan #min yoong #fiction #short story #bts imagines #bts scenarios #kim taehyung #taehyung #btsfanfic

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unqueenlybiscuits · 7 years

Note

K-pop hates your nasally tone.

fuck you and your cow

You Don't Mess With The Zohan Script

You don't mess with the Zohan! Come disco. No, no, no.I no disco, I make the fish. Danny, come on, go disco. Oh, okay. Disco! Danny, that looks good. You're gonnabe a hit at your bar mitzvah. So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,I no see you disco. No, no, no. I making dagim.I no disco. A real man, he can discoand cooking dagim. So let's go. Go, go. I get the hummus for you. And for you. Little for me, eh! No. No. Kapara, what is going on! Just some bullshit-uchen. Let's go! Hey, I'm on vacation here.Can't you see this! You promised me time off.Get someone else to do it. Are they gonna hurt him! No one can hurt the Zohan. - Bye, Zohan.- Take care, man. The terrorist known as Phantom... ...was spotted yesterday at aHacky Sack tournament in Beirut. He may be have been trying tobait us by surfacing briefly. We believe he's being kept in a safehouse on the Lebanon border. How is we lose Phantom! Didn't I capture Phantomthree months ago! What, you didn't hearabout the trade! What trade! Zohan, we gave back the Phantom. No! What do you mean,we give back the Phantom! Zohan, relax. It was a good trade.We got back Etan and David. That's all we gotfor a veteran terrorist! Come on, we got hosed here. They threw in a spyto be named later. Come on, Zohan,you have to like that deal. Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev. Ze'ev.Come on, he's not even a good spy. He got caught, for God's sake.He's a stupid. Our plan is to enter the building fromthe front with a team of eight men... ...with an additional 12 menat perimeter positions. Unfortunately, there is a highprobability of collateral damage... ...including property and loss of life,on both sides. Okay, here we go. Excuse me! Come on, is it not saferto send one man into building... ...with minimal coverageto take out the target... ...instead of blowing uphalf the neighborhood! Well, who would do that! Oh, "who would do that!" You know you weregoing to ask the Zohan. Zohan, why you say this! I just laid out an entire planwhich didn't rely on you. Come on, Yaron,you're setting me up. All this talk of civilian casualties,then of course I end up doing it. - But I'm not even asking you to do it.- All right, I'll do it. Give me Avi and Koby as watch,I'll get it done without the mess. Well, thank you. You didn't have to. Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah. Have some Fizzy Bubblech. "Kiwi watermelon"! Yeah, is good. "Avalon." Chunky cuts. Zohan, what are you doing!The girls are here. I know, I was watching television. Well, if you want to have fun with us,we're right next door. - Good with the sticky, you should do it.- No, no, no. I am going to dinner with my parents.Just leave me alone. - All right, all right.- It is all right! You don't giggle at the Zohan. You hear me!No giggling at the Zohan. You never giggle at the Zohan. What's the matter, tatele? You haven't touchedyour baba ganoush. What would you think if I tell you... ...I want to leaving the army,start a new life! Why would you do that!You are good at it. It's steady pay. You can't leave,you're one of their best. Besides, you are too oldto take a risk. Stay in the army, play it safe. There's other things I can dobesides war. You don't war. - I was in the real war.- I know, I know the story. 1967. We were surrounded on all sides,outnumbered. - And in six days, we...- And in six days, we won. You won. I'm sorry,I don't have a big, fancy war... ...that lasted all of six days... Six days and five hours.Your generation likes to forget that. Dad, I've done so muchfor the country. When does it end! They've been fighting for 2000 years.It can't be much longer. All of my friends servedthe minimum three years. Why can't I move on!Do something else. Something more creative. Creative, what! You've caught so many terrorists,it's an art. You're like Rembrandtwith a grenade. What will you do! Maybe go to America. What, and haggle overstereo equipment! Wait a minute, Ya'acov. Uncle Levi will set you upat electronic store. You make money, sow yourcreative oats, you come back. No, I don't want to doelectronics store. Then how will you make money! I don't want to say. Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,who can you tell! Come, Zohanele. I want to cut... ...and style hair. You... You fagala? He's fag... Faga... I like hair. It's pleasant,it's peaceful, no one gets hurt. Well, you're only diggingthat fagala hole deeper and deeper. Hello, down there!Hello, in the fagala hole. Maybe he wants Vaseline. Yes, it's so funny. I just want to make peoplesilky smooth. You know the Phantom will try to run,so be ready for this. - Zohan, now!- So let's go. The Zohan. Freeze! I get it, I get it,you guys don't like our country. So we are the bad ones. I'd love to sit and discuss thiswith you, but I'm short on time. I'm just saying.It's not so cut-and-dry. We settled herefor hundreds of years! Good point. None of my ancestors ever steppedfoot in this land. No, you're right. Hey, don't walk away! Come out, come out,wherever you are. Hello, jackass. You think you can oppress my people,landgrabber! But I will never disappear. No one can catch Phantom! So let's go. Very good. Sorry. It's for the cause. Zohan. Zohan, bring it. Why you do this! I feel no pain. No, no, no. I feel no pain. - I feel no pain. This is too much...- No, no, no. I feel no pain. I have told you in other fights. No, no, no. I kill you right now. Look, look, look. The piranha,it looks very painful for you. Is good, is good. Is very nice. Yes, yes. Fizzy Bubblech for me. You like what you see! Time to die. So let's go. Okay, game over. Yeah! I kill! I kill the Zohan! Zohan is dead. The Phantom! Cutting the hair,this makes something beautiful. Instead of shooting it. That's why I had to fake to die. I could have captured Phantom again,but for what! They trade him. I love my country,but the fighting, it never ends. It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco. Coco, you bite him back. Soon you are both having worms,eating your own poopech... I understand. The pills. Your parents thinkthey know what's best for you. Sleep. It's all about not getting recognized. I know how great I lookedin the beard... but I'll make this work for me,you'll see. Rise and shine, guys.Good morning. Is nice, huh! It's the Avalon. It says I care about the way I look,but I'm still approachable. Oh, you like this! Who wants to go next, guys!Who wants to look silky smooth! Yes. Yes. Oh, where are my two little babies!Oh, come on. Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.Come to Mama, Mr. Coco. Mr. Scrappy. Coco.What happened! Who gave you permissionto do this, huh! Who did! Answer me. Scrappy, was it you!It was you, wasn't it! You're always the instigator. Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.Never again are you gonna travel. Take me to the Paul Mitchellhair salon. - First time in New York!- Yes, my friend. So, what brings you here! I have a dream. I had a dream too. What dream you have! My dream was to come to America... ...and make enough moneyto send for me brothers and sisters... ...so that we all could enjoyfreedom together. - This is good dream.- Oh, yes, it is. - Is dream come true!- No, man. Me brothers and sisterswere hacked to death. But I love the Chinese food here.It's incredible. - Hey, you forgot these.- Those are for you, my friend. Good morning for you.I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell. And who are you! Scrappy Coco.I am here to take a job from him. He isn't in right now. That's good. So I will wait, then. You know what! I'll takeone Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry. You know,he actually doesn't come in too often. Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,so let's go. - I am the best.- The best at what! All of this. The cutting, the styling,the making it silky smooth. I wanna know who cuts your hair. Oh, you like this, eh! This is the Avalon,straight from the Paul Mitchell book. I haven't seen that stylesince Luke married Laura. Sister, are you this Laura! You tell Paul Mitchell,Scrappy Coco was here to see him. If I find out he was here... ...or you are keeping himhidden from me... ...I will destroy you. Believe me this. What the hell was this, champ!I'm not paying for that! This asshole cut me off,made me swerve into you! With all due respect,I was in the bicycle lane. You came like a madman.Be glad nobody was hurt. I mean, somebody could've died.I mean, you came... Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature. You do not want to bethrowing bicycles. Look, stay out of my business,Mustafa. "Mustafa"! This is not my name.Who tells you this is my name! Whatever.Salami, bologna, apple sauce. Apple who! My friend, if I were you,I would change the tone. Avoid the pain. Listen, go back to your goddamnedpretzel stand. We got it... - Look what I've got. It's right here.- Please! - I've got it.- Please, let me go. I never work at pretzel stand.You like to insult people! Was that your feet! Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut. Here comes the double foot. This is good. Smell it, smell it, smell it.Now take it. - That's for you.- All right, let me go! You said you wanted pretzel! Okay, I'm good. Beautiful. You want some chickens! No, no, no. I fix for you. It's all b'seder. What are you, bionic! No, no, no. I only like the girls. Thanks, anyways. This is ridiculous traffic. Anyway, George insistedwe have the party. - I always get midnight shift.- Could you keep it down, please! I no sleep,I no see World Series Poker. Are you even watching the road! Be nice. He could be a terrorist. - Why Hamdi no get no midnight!- Could you at least change the station! - Hey, that was amazing.- Oh, yes. Where are you from, anyway! Where am I from! Australia. Really!Because you sound Middle Eastern. No, no, no. Similar accents. - Kangaroo. You see!- Sure. This is ridiculous. We're getting out. - Come on, dear.- I've been working longer than Hamdi. - You want me to get you home!- No, I'll grab a cab. You've done enough.That was crazy. Whose lockzie do I have to schluck? Oh, you know you're boning me.I don't know that. It's you. - What is happening!- What's happening! It's bullshaklaga. - We have to go.- Go where! - I'll run you.- What are you doing! This is legal! Scrappy, have another kneidlach.Come on. You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman. It reminds me of my mother's cookingin Australia. Really!It's funny, you don't sound Australian. Yes, no, no, no.This is because I am half Australian... ...half Mount Everest. So this is what you're hearing. Well, Australia,it must be really nice there... ...since they got rid of the apartheid. Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler. So, Scrappy,I understand you cut hair. I will be workingwith Mr. Paul Mitchell... ...as soon as I find outwhere they are hiding him. Oh, Mom, Scrappydoesn't have a place to stay yet. - Really!- Not yet. Well, actually,there's a nice one-bedroom... ...that just opened up upstairs. Nice light, not huge. And they redid the kitchen very well. - This could be good.- Could be good. Could be good. Hey, Mom,do you know where the detergent is! - That's very good.- Oh, my God! What! What's the matter! What's the matter! That's my mom. - It's okay, Michael.- I know it's your mother. She's very beautiful. Michael, I haven't made stickyin two days. - What do you want from me!- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep! - Or dead!- No, Michael. You do... What's he doing now! Why'd that happen!Why'd that happen! It's okay. Let me talk to him. Oh, I can't get up. No, no. You'll feel your legs againin two hours. Michael. Come on, this is nothingto feel bad about. Me sexing your mother. It's beautiful. It's natural. No, I didn't bring you hometo do it with my mother. Why not, huh!You don't want her to be happy! Did you see her! Did you look at her! I don't thinkI can ever look at her again. Michael, her faceduring the big bang-boom! You did not see! She was glowing. Patches. What are you...! Michael, come on. They'll be plenty of timefor you and me. Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!How's this! No, why would I wanna goto a disco tonight! Michael, you should go. It'd be fun! You could use a little stank. Yes, you need your penachimto take a swim. Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.It wouldn't hurt. Disco, disco.Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no! Come on, you get to disco. - All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.- Okay. I do your mother one more time,and then we go. - Wha...!- Seconds already! Oh, yes. Hey. Look at this. This is what you need, man,to let off a little steam, huh! How many times a day do youmake sticky! Two! Five! Twelve! How many times a day!I've had sex once in my life. It was at tennis camp.It was awful. You're too picky, Michael.Maybe that's the problem. Every weed in the desertis still a flower. Look at this. This a big one, eh! But look at the tits.These will bounce nice for you. Your mother, she has huge poopeh. I mean, very wide. But what I see are two big, strong legswrapped around my head, squeezing. So who wants to get somepoontachen? - I wanna get some poontachen?- Well, let's get some. Yes. It's good for you. Nice spinning. This is what I'm talking about.You play this. - I ain't playing this corny shit.- No, no. I need to set themood for my friend. Get out,you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf... - Disco, disco.- Good, good! - Disco, disco.- Good, good! Yes, hello. Hello. Hey, Zohan. Who you looking for! It's okay, no one can hear mein disco, Zohan. Can you believe the poontachatin this place! I'm not Zohan.My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend. What!Of course you are Zohan Dvir. They all think you dead in Israel.I'm not going to tell. Tell what!I don't know what you're talking about. Zohan, it's okay.Don't worry, I'm a huge fan. The way you took outAbdullah Meda in '94. And when you made Melami Benazireat his own shit in '97. I can't believe I'm meeting you, man. So, what the fachmaare you doing here! Come with me. Look, I couldn't takeall the fighting anymore. - What's it all for!- Are you crazy! If I could blow a terroristinside out like you... ...this is all I would do.I'd never sleep. - This is exaggeration.- No, it's not. You made Palami Habdallah's poodlesit on a live grenade. - You gotta show me how you did that.- I don't remember. I was young. So tell me the truth.Why are you in America! I no want to tell you. What! What! Come on. You are the best, Zohan.Whatever you say is good. I want to be hairdresser. You a fagala? I can't believe it. A great warrior, but also a fagalawith the penachim. No, no, no. I like hair. Come on, man, I get you real job. You come by my shop tomorrow. Israeli electronics. Are you crazy! - Everyone will recognize me.- No, you don't look like same Zohan. You have silly haircut now. - I have what haircut!- What! - You say I look silly!- No, no. Who said this! - You said this.- No, no. Nobody say nothing. I don't need your job. I get my own job on my ownat a big salon. You will see. You ever cut a sister's hair before! Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,grandpa, the whole family. I'm good at this. Have you ever workedwith dreads before! This is what you do. No more. This creature slayed. It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.He's got me. He's got me. Okay. Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.We got you. And we finish him. You back away, I take hold of him.Go! Go! Go out! Go now! Go! This is hair. This is hair. Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh! A big part of our job hereis making this a fun experience. Of course, of course. For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,and it can be very frightening. - I can imagine.- I don't want a haircut. Get away from me. Let me go. Young man, look what I found here. A nice balloon. Do you want it! It's right here. You shouldn't jump around... ...when this nice woman'sholding a sharp pair of scissors. If you move, she could slip andslice your jugular vein on accident. There's no way to stitch the jugular. All of your blood will be on the floorin four minutes. I've seen this. I've done this.You don't want this. Well, then, at least it's a good time toshave his neck. I would get him quick. When I was your ageI already killed seven men. Maybe you should grow up. I promise you you won't regret. And come back. "Fujigawa"! I don't know that brand.It really isn't... ��It's not really Fujigawa.It's Sony guts. - Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...- Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want. - Four-hundred fifty.- But the ad says "Sony," and "300." No, no, no. What you going to believe,me or the ad! Four-fifty. Hello, Going Out of Business.Can I help you! Sony, yes. Three hundred. Come in, yes. Very good, very good. Hi. I represent the new ownerof this building. Good for you. Want a birthday cake!What do you want! Yamaha is very good. Did you receive our letterregarding your rent! - This I don't know.- It's being raised to 20,000 a month. No, no, no. This is too much. Eighty-five hundredis all we'll give you. - This isn't negotiable. We can get...- Ten thousand, that's all. We both go home happy. - I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.- Okay, no deal. You come back when youwant to deal. - Sir, you don't understand.- Go. What you still here for! You like me!I have girlfriend. Go. Thank you very much. Hey, look who's here. Come on, not so loud. Don't worry, Zohan.I tell you, they don't recognize you. Yosi. This is good man.This ChocolatÃ© Coco. - Scrappy Coco.- Scrappy Coco. Cooking Who-co! Yes, yes. So you're going out of business! No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.Is good for business. Yeah, so you look me up, man.That's cool. I come for job. Job. So you not big hairstyle! It's not really happening for meso far. So I am here. So let's go. No. No job. What do you mean!You tell me to come here. I can no let you do this.You want to be hair homo. No, so I do this for now.It's all yofi tofi. Is no now. Once you start in electronics store,you never get out. Look at Ephraim. You see! I don't see nothing wrong with that.It's perfect. Ephraim came to America... ...to be racing car driver. But he let slip away. I can hear it. Look. Check your ear. Pinchas wanted to bethe next Bill Cosby. No. Is resistant, no proof.You don't understand! But the store kept pulling him back. Maybe you swimming with the watch. - I'm not swimming...- Is resistant. Yosi wanted to be a hand model. What, you don't like this! Look at this.This is most beautiful. But he got too comfortable here. Press this button, it's free HBO. The electronics storeis a dream killer. And I won't let the Zohankill his dream. You are a real mensch, Oori. You the mensch. Come. What! What's this! You may not go for this,but this place cross the street... - Yes!- They maybe take you. - Is good place!- No, is dump, but they take you. Is on Palestinian side of street. Palestinian! No, no, no.Look, nobody kill you there. Here nobody care. First off, no one kill me anywhere. But Palestinian, no. I've done enoughto my parents already. I just want job for the Zohan. And it kills methe way Phantom bastard... ...getting his buttochim kissedin Palestine now. Buttochim kissed! What's this! He have business. He buy wives. Him! They say his ugly face everywhere. Everyone is runningTo Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen For the food the heroes eat Kubeh, sambouesk,Delicious muchentuchen You never know who you'll meet You are going to get spoiled. Phantom Muchentuchen! Oh, yeah! This month,order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch... ... and get action figures fromPhantom Presents: Death to Zohan. Unbelievable. This animal gets to live his dream.But, me, l... I can no work Palestinian, no.It's like... I can't do this. Yes, you can. Is your dream to cut hair.You want fight, or you want hair! I want hair. But I'm scared. Is America.You can do anything here. You never done somethingpeople thought was impossible! So you don't want to talk, huh!I'll make you talk. I can do this. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. Disco, disco, good, good. So you have never cut hair before. I have cut my own hairand several dogs. I have the Paul Mitchell book,I have the stamina, the desire... But you have no trainingor experience. Would you hire someonewith experience in something else! In what! Can anyone here do this! Okay. I have never seen that. That is very nice,but that is not going to help me. No hands. Besides, I have no openings. If anything, I need to scale back... ...since they just raised my rentthrough the roof. Out of nowhere, some guy with a tiecomes in and tells me I need to pay. Stop it! I only wish to learn. I will do whatever it takes. Fine. You can sweep up haira few shifts a week. - You won't be...- No pay. No, no, no.But then, I will become stylist, yes! That could be a while. I will wait turn. You will see. I will get nighttime job for money. Soon the whole worldwill be silky smooth. Zohan. - Carmen Electra has the best tits now.- Oh, please. Oh, my God.I wonder how much she paid for them. They're so perky. You know, leave it to herto buy the best tits. It's always first class with that one. You know you don't have to catchevery piece of hair as it falls. Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.One single hair is unacceptable. As you were. Yes. I got this. "Did you seethe new Kate Hudson movie! I think she is even more vivaciousthan her mother." Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.Now, let's practice on Michael. Michael!Could you come in here, please! What! What is...! Oh, Scrappy needs to practicesmall-talking. Can we do this another time! I havea shot at keeping my food down. Michael, I want to practice now. I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.Why won't you help me! Oh, honey.You are good at everything you do. - Got it.- Thanks. So you're making her silky smooth,huh, Claude! - Framing her face!- Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face. This is smart. A nice layered stylewith the soft bangs... ...is good for a bigger womanlike this. - Coco.- Takes the eyes off the moon face... ...and brings it toward the titzim. Coco. I need to speak to you. In private. Private. A secret! They will never get it out of me,I promise you. Coco, Claude is trying to work. Yes. He's very good. So I am ready to cut hair today.So let's go, let's get it on. No. Let's not go. But I am the best. Don't tell me you're the best. - I have the desire, the stamina.- You've been here two days. I run this place for five years. I think I know when you are readyto cut hair. Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two. No, no, no. I do not touch thiswith your penachim. Out of respect for the working. No, you don't eat where you shit. Or shit where you eat.Whatever the... The smell is bad. This is called a comb. - With the fingers!- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. - Scrappy.- I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up. I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry. - Okay. All right.- I apologize. - Take him where he wants to go.- Thank you. Okay. - Good luck.- It will be fine. - Your limousine has arrived, sir.- You're observant, Tyler. Thank you, Big Mac. I am really late for a hotel openingdowntown. The Walbridge Hotel. I understand, sir. I know theneighborhoods inside and backwards. - We will not let them stop us.- What! I'm not in much of a hurry. Oh, no. You want some coffee back there! No! I will lose them. Nobody is following us. Oh, shit! Have a good time, sir. Debbie, you did a good job. You look very bangable,Mrs. Rosen. Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you... ...when you first came in,you looked hideous. There was nothing attractive. But now, I must say,my schtitzel, it's about to burst. - It could break these any...- What are you doing! We are talking shop. No. No. - Look, Coco...- What! You need to calm down now, okay! I don't think these customerslike the way you talk shop. Nobody say this. Coco, remember,respect for the workplace. I have betrayed my salon. He's trying to kill himself. - Scrappy.- I deserve this. No, no. Just... Just... Easy on the ladies. I didn't mind. Take care, Mrs. Paulson. She did not mind. Let me disinfect the scissors... ...so someone elsecan make someone else silky smooth. I'll just clean up. Rafaela's Salon. What! No. Debbie, she quit. - What!- Sorry. Claude, did you know about this! I should have told you. She's been looking for a new jobsince those rent guys came around. Then why you no say nothing,little bitch! Don't worry,I'm not giving up on this place. You're a good guy, habibi.I just... I don't know what to do. So let's go. Scrappy, I have enough problemsright now. I not the problem. I the solution. I fix. But if you screw up... I can't afford a screwup right now. No, no, no. I no screw up.I am the best for the job. Yeah, but you push and push."When is my turn"! I have to care about salon. - No, no, no.- No, no, no. You care about you. And don't fightin front of the customer. Mrs. Skitzer,I am afraid our stylist is out today. Would you care to wait for Claude! Does he do hair! He's not a regular. Well, that's fine. She say...I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia. Okay. You will not regret this decision. Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair. Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.I'll take care of everything. - Oh, thank you.- Thank you. Sexy woman like youdeserves to be pampered. Me, sexy! Sure. Don't be humble. You've got the ass and titsof a schoolgirl and you know it. And everyone else knows this too,believe me. Yes. Let me get your earring off. I love it. Of course you do.I make you silky smooth. I tell you this. All right, Scrappy.You can cut Debbie's clients today. If they want you. Thank you. I'll get to you all soon as I'mall the way done with Mrs. Skitzer. That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer! Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes. So who's next! Come on, Scrappy! Thank you, dear. - It's a lot of speakers.- Yes. Yes. It's orgasmic. Oh, my God. Oh, yes! Grab it, Scrappy! For you. Yes. I give this to you. - No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.- Hear me out, Scrappy, please. I'll give you stock options.I'll name a shampoo after you. No, my loyalty is to here.I will destroy you. I heard about this placefrom Joanne. You have to ask for Scrappy. Yes, is the primarycardholder present! Excuse me! Hello, I am callingfrom Spiegel catalogue. Are you between the agesof 18 and 39! We're trying to talk here. Have you ordered from cataloguein past six months! Could you get off the phonewhile you drive! Hey, what's the matter!I trying to make a living, do my job. This is your job. This is job also. This is not Iraq. I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq. And you're not getting a tip. And you are a stupid cow. Jeez. - And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.- Thanks so much. - I'll see you later.- All right. I like this, the red hair. I bet she has a pumpkin patchdown below, yes! I don't know. - Did you tap her tuchus?- No. Why don't you go afterthe snatchacheem in this place! They all want you, believe me. Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure. I'm telling you,you're not picking up the signs. Come with me.I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful. Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!You want the cut and color today! Yes, please. Thanks. Watch. You see! She's going with it.It's good. Yep. - She has a free shoulder. Come join.- I'm good. Mrs. Haynes,you're getting cold here. Claude, come. Keep her warm. Go ahead. Yes. And gently move.Gently move the shoulder. All you want to do is let her knowyou're here for her. Now look awaylike you're not even doing it. We're not doing this. - Same rhythm.- Okay. Push. Push. Push. Oh, you're pushing harder.It's starting to feel good on my end. I am trying to make moneyto start my own business, huh. Would you say you read Spiegelonce a month, twice... Would you just get usto the hair salon! We're gonna miss our appointment. I curse you, and I curse your hair. What is big dealabout this hair place anyway! They get worse every year. Okay, we'll take them to the truck.We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a... Did you throw this shoe at me,my friend! No! Sure looks like it was you. Then who threw it! Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.I'll let you off the hook. Nobody spits on me. Thank you for the goat, my friend. Yes. Goat! Goat. Goat! Goat! Goat. I said, "Can we have the receipt!" Yes. Die in hell. Welcome. We'll color your hair Bling-BlingBlond. This is what you need. You know what else they go for! The... I don't know what you have,but mine is the biggest. This...It does not get bigger than this. It's enormous. Scary. I mean: What! I have the biggest. It's the biggest. Take a look at this. Look. - It's not that big.- It's not that...! No, no, no. The bush. The bush is the biggest. And the girls like thisbecause it's cushion. It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.I never forget a face. So, what do you want I do! Wait. I conference you. Hello! Nasi, emergency meeting.You're on with Hamdi as well. - Hello, Nasi.- Hello, Hamdi. Can you believehow much they pay Delgado! Yes. Why Mets do this! This is serious. We meet! I explain why is emergency. This is not just manwho take my goat. - Zohan Dvir.- Yes. Everyone think Phantom kill him. Phantom not kill him. We will capture,then make trade with Israel. We will be heroes. But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. Wedon't know for sure that this is him. Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.Let them handle this. - Leave it to the pros.- No. Hezbollah shmezbollah. Hezbollah will take all the credit.This is our shot. Why not let Phantom capture him! Screw Phantom. He hero already. Where's my chainof muchentuchen restaurants! Salim, don't make thisabout yourself. This is about me. And about him. And about my goat! Come on, let's go! This is nice,the walking inside the outside. The park, the people,the horses, the kid. Well, you're always downtown. You should seea little more of New York. Yes, yes, this is good. The talking is good... ...to get to know each otherbefore the bang-boom. I like. Oh, no, no, no.There will be no bang-booming. I just wanted to thank youfor saving my business. - This isn't a date.- No, no, no. I feel you have helped me so much... The right thing to dois to tap you so hard... ...my schtitzel will come outyour poopech. That's what I think. Look, why don't wejust enjoy the park! No, no, no. This is what we do. Hey, look, softball. - You like softball!- Of course, I love softball. What is softball! Teach me how to. I learned softballwhen I came to the States. When you're Arab, it helps to fit in. Yeah, how long you move here ago! Just a few years ago. I couldn't take it there anymore.All the hate, on both sides. Yes, especially yours. Why you say this! You don't know. No, no, I don't. I read this. The Australian-Tibet mediais very biased. Look, both sides crazy. My own family... My brother... ...if he knew I work cross streetfrom Israelis, he would lose it. - Really!- You have the hardcores on both sides. They just want to fight and fight. Nobody will win this way.It has to stop. When will it end, eh! Yes. Okay, so you must be thirsty, no! Here. Where you get this! This! From specialty shopon West Side. This Middle Eastern drink.You know this! Fizzy Bubblech! No, no, no. It looks pretty good. Oh, try, try. It's very good.Try, have a sip. It's not for me. No! Really! This is his shop. Here is photo for compare. For how long this take!I close the newsstand. Make sure you ask himif he ever hit by shoe. And about the prize goatthat can fetch a bowl of onion soup. Look in his eyes when youask him this, for they will be suffering. - You know, I just got haircut.- Go. Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefnerwith all you little bunnies around here. Okay, okay,let's see who is going next. "Jorge Posada," where are you! That's me. Okay, good-looking guy,you take a seat there. You're next. You know, you look likeyou already just got haircut. No, no. So I guessing you're looking forsomething in the silky smooth area! - Well...- Because I see you have nice curls. You don't want tocut into those curls. We will talk about this over there. Okay, Scrappy, I wait. Is not like I have a shoe to throw. Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever. I don't have time to go watcha goat fetch soap. - What!- What! I don't know. Listen, my friend... ...you want to talk, it's good,but you have to wait your turn. First I have to cut and bangMrs. Greenhouse. - That's right.- Okay. Well, I'm ready for it. Oh, dear. I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.I am not man enough for you today. Oh, Scrappy, it's fine. I don't know what the problem is.I am going to lose business. Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable. The screwingwas really just a bonus. You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse. An angel with a magic throat. Oh, Scrappy! No, that could work.One more, please. Let's see what we got. And we're still nothing. Well! He was very cool. Idiot. What did he say! He think I have nice curlsthat go well with a full face. - But was it him!- Well, it looked like him. But hard to know. I tell you this: he didn't seem to carewhen I talk about goat fetching soap. Soup. The goat fetched soup.You ruin everything. Soup! This makes no sense. Screw you. It's him. I know it's him. The goat fetched soup!This is unbelievable. Go to hell. You said it was urgent! It's an emergency.Please, take a look. Yes, yes. Well, that's not a real problem.You can always shave it. No, not the bush. No, inside the bush.Look deeper. Him. - I see.- He lays in there all day long. Maybe it needs some more oxygen.It looks like it's being strangled. So the Palestinian says to the priest: "Okay, but let's skip the bath." Why, are they not clean! No, is good joke. Honey, are you all right!You've been in there for over an hour. What is this stuff! I mean, I took onesip and I repainted the whole toilet. Is Fizzy Bubblech.You'll get used to it, relax. I don't wanna get used to it.My car couldn't. - All right, that's it for me. I'm done.- What! What! Is everything all right! - Is it about the pee-pee!- Stop it. - The pee-pee!- He can't do with his peepeechosetz. Really!He's usually as hard as trigonometry. - Mom. What...!- When did this happen! The last few days. Of course. It's ever sinceyou went out with that Dalia. Your hog is telling you something.She must be the one. The one! Is this possible! Of course it's possible, man. All the beaverim in the worldand he falls for Palestinian muffich. Why should Scrappy careif she's Palestinian! He's from Australia and Tibet.He's not Israeli. - No, no, no.- Oh, no, no, no. Exactly. What was that, a motor boat! You know, Scrappy... ...a special woman is specialno matter where she's from. Listen to your hog. Someone special. Maybe is good. It's good! It's terrific! I mean, you know,you guys won't be together anymore... ...but Scrappy is in love.That's great, awesome. Thank you for your support. - Is a good boy.- Good boy. This is fun. Let's celebrate.Where's the cat! Let's cat-sack, huh! Throw it to me. - Got you.- Let's play, man. Take it, Michael. Look at you. I wanna try it. Is good. Welcome to Hezbollah phone line. For membership information,press one. For negotiation update, press two. For bonus mile information,press three. For terrorist supplies, press four. We have currently suspendedour terrorist supply service... ... as we are engagedin negotiations with Israel. We will resume service as soon asnegotiations break down. Thank you. Great. Come on. Just think of a bomb. They say you can make bomb fromeveryday's material. You combine. Yes, okay.But what we combination! Just think of chemicals. Chemicals, like in science class. Yes. Who remembers this stuff! Hello. Well, can I help you fellasfind anything! Yes, do you have... ..."liquid nitrogen." You need what! Liquid nitrogen. Yeah. Well, I supposewe have some of that. Now, just a moment. - This is it!- Yes, and that's the large container. This works! Oh, it works quite well. Yes. You use! From time to time. Sure. We'll take 12. Look, you can turn off the water... ...but we will find a wayto keep on going. Oh, you like when I spray you,Mrs. Skitzer! Where's the $ 14,000! I have your rent right here.There is no getting rid of me. We don't wanna get rid of you. Mr. Walbridge would actually like torelocate your salon in our new mall. You mean the one you want to destroythis community to build! It is not our intentto destroy this community. I'll take the community, Pancake. My name is Gray, and I'll be back. Nice to meet you, Pancake. Why Pancake! Just for fun. You were amazing right there. Oh, my God. What! I have one. What! I have zikpah. Look at it. It is you. Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.I cannot make sticky with anyone else. You are the special one. I will only be stiff for you. Who is Steve! Stiff, with an F. - Stiff. Stiff.- Yes. Okay... ...I know you meant thatin a good way... The best of ways. - so thank you. Thank you. Is crazy. This has never happened. One woman... ...one zikpah... ...one life. You see his face!Scared Israeli son of bitch. Salim, this is not bomb. What you mean "not bomb"! It's grade A liquid nitrogen. Guys, I really need to go home. Inaz have a soccer matchin the morning. - I am hero.- Salim, this not bomb. It just go: Well, just go with it. I scraped some off the window. Maybe you know what is! It's Neosporin, it's nothing.I use it for cuts and genital sores. We're beginning to thinkmaybe someone out to get the Zo... The Scrappy. You mean like a competing salon!That's heavy. Don't be afraid, honey.Don't be afraid. Well, I... Yeah, lick this.No, she likes the tongue in the ear. Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that. Close with the brenski. Come on, get some salivaon those bad boys. - She likes it, huh!- Of course she likes it. Okay. I could look for clues. It's my shiftfor community night watch. The what!The communism tight crotch! Oh, it's the communitynight watch program. You know, people in the neighborhoodpatrolling it, keeping it safe. We kick some ass. Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Cocotake your shift tonight! - I bet he'd be good at this.- Oori. What! For clues. I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,but you are gonna be just fine. Maybe I can manage one night. Maybe you can pretzel some people. - Thank you for getting the hummus.- The hummus. Where's Patches! Patches. I'm terrified right now.I'm totally terrified. "Shitting my pants"doesn't come close. I wish I was shitting my pants. It's just a patrol. What if something goes down! I don't know if I'd have the courage. What if something goes downand someone got killed! I would have to live with that.I'd be happier shitting my pants. Much happier. - Let's go.- We're supposed to call the police. No. No time. No, no. No. It's good. Drop the paint. Get out of here, Ahab,or I'll cut your eyes out. - Maybe we should let him finish.- No, no, no. What you cut my eyes out with!The Neosporin! My blade, camel jockey. My friend, the beating I give youif you stop the spraying... ...is much less than the beatingI give you if you try to cut me. What are you laughing at! That was just with everyone. They had it coming to them, right! Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah. - Okay, you take it from here.- I got it. Everything's gonna be okay. What you gotta say about that, huh! You're telling meour guys can't handle... ...some neighborhoodnight-watching losers! We can't even put a scareinto these people! The main guy who got in the way... ...is the same one who's bringingold biddies into Rafaela Salon. My aunt goes there. She says besides the sex,the guy gives a pretty good haircut. Don't talk to me about that dump. I've got a huge,classy hotel standing there... ...and it's staringat that cheap garbage. I want it staring at the Supercuts. Now, has anyone made any headwaywith any of these foreign people! I spoke to the manager of GoingOut Of Business again yesterday. I stated our priceand the urgency of the matter... ...and he offered me two-thirds lessand a Toshiba DVD player. The people at Everything Must Gowere just as difficult. They offered me a Blu-ray discand a jar of hummus. What's hummus! It's a very tasty... ...diarrhea-like substance. Grant Walbridge has a vision. A vision for Lower Manhattanto have the first indoor mall... ...with its own 300-footroller coaster. You know, you're lucky I havea world-class superhot girlfriend... ...with a perfectly proportionedass-to-breast ratio... ...or I'd be furious. She is smoking, sir. I'd payto spend an hour with her, sir. Let me in on that. Well, thank you. But if you bitchescan't get those people out... ...I will find other peoplewho will get the job done. However, whenever. Walbridge! This is where I find them. But I don't know if it's same peoplewho try to Neosporin salon. But you caught them writing this crap,so, what do you do! - You don't mess with the Zohan.- Check it. - Disco.- Disco. - Good.- Good. Why did you do thisto Naseef's store, huh! Why you blame the Israelis! We come to work,go out of business. No, no, no.Is not Israeli who do this. I do community watch.Don't worry, it's all taken care of. Not Israeli! Who else would write"Arab go home"! Oh, I don't know,just maybe 99 percent of the world. - You see what he says!- That was joke. Come on, come on.You guys get along here, stop this. Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,the war is never going to end. You know, we were so close to peacebefore the asshole shot Rabin. Bush, he see the big picture. Bush no want peace,he set it all back. What about Bush's wife!This is a wife I would get sticky with. I would do this. I would do this. - Yes, yes.- What about Clinton! I would do Hillary. The big legs. Yeah, she look strict,like she's going to teach me a lesson. - Yes, discipline.- You know what's funny! I like Chelsea. You're crazy. She has beautiful legs. If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.She has legs. This is what happenswhen they talk politics. No, no, no, wife of McCain! She has the ass,and you know she's not getting any.

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