#or past mcd? is that a tag?

[estrellami-1]

This is purely because @i-less-than-three-you broke my heart with this and I needed some way to release all my emotions. I suffer, you suffer, babe.

“Ever gotten your heart broken?” Eddie asks, apropos of nothing.

They’re sitting in the cemetery, their new hangout spot. Steve with his back against a headstone, fingers itching for a joint. Eddie next to him, leaning forward and plucking blades of grass.

Steve looks sidelong at him. “Yeah. Twice.”

He sees Eddie frown. “Oh, right, Wheeler. My bad. Who was the other girl? Someone pre-high school, maybe? A middle school love? An elementary school sweetheart?” He suddenly makes a face. “Please, for her sake and yours, don’t tell me it was Robin.”

Steve chuckles. “No, it wasn’t Robin.” He sighs, leans forward. Doesn’t look at Eddie. Wishes he could. “Wasn’t even someone I was with.”

Eddie frowns. “How’d you manage that?”

Steve tucks one knee up, rests his chin on it. “I fell in love with him,” he whispers, “and then he died.”

“Oh,” Eddie whispers, soft as the wind.

Steve tilts his head, looks Eddie’s direction. Sees nothing, realizes the sound really was just the wind. “Yeah,” he whispers back.

He kneels forward, traces his fingers into the now-familiar divots of the headstone in front of him.

Eddie Munson. 1965-1986. Rest in Peace.

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #except… not #sorry not sorry #Steve doesn’t have healthy coping mechanisms #or any coping mechanisms #he just. adopts middle schoolers #it’s 2am my alarm is set for 6 someone make me go to sleep #also someone help me with tags please #should I tag mcd? #or past mcd? is that a tag? #starambles

[hawkinslibrary]

anon !!! this is hours later than i meant for it to be, but here's my rambling essay-length response to your ask from earlier !!!!!!!! fair warning, i am just... so stupid and don't know how to properly get my thoughts across so it's a whole Mess 😬

your last text post is so real!! i really don't get the main character death obssesion either. it's honestly funny in a way because st is pretty much the only show that doesn't kill protagonists, and if they do they're brought back, yet there's more main character death talk in this fandom than anyone can take. it's like people just can't accept the duffers ain't about that life??!  

first, i want to clarify that, to me, the main characters have always been joyce, hopper, nancy, jonathan, steve, mike, el, lucas, will, and dustin, with the addition of max in s2 and robin in s3. this is the main group that we follow, these are our protagonists, and everyone else is just secondary, regardless of whether the actor appears in the main credits or not  

now, my post was definitely more aimed at all the talk i've seen about how there has to be a main character death before the show is over. people acting like it’s a given. i personally just really really don't want any of them to die and hate thinking about the possibility lmao

we don’t know how it’s going to end, or what the final season will be like, how dire things will be. they could absolutely switch gears and start killing mains left and right. i feel like waiting until the final season is exactly what so many other shows do anyway, right? so i get the concern, and it makes me a little wary, too. but that’s exactly it – so many other shows do it. it's weird, it’s tired, it’s unnecessary. and, really, the duffers are out here right now saying how much they regret killing chrissy off and she was only in the one episode. so like... imagine them actually trying to kill off one of the mains  

they can’t please everyone, but i do think ultimately they’ll want to try to do right by as many fans of the show as possible, you know? the wrong kind of ending can ruin a show forever. people love these characters and at the end of it all, i think most of us just want to see them thriving  

(and it’s not like will or el or hopper (or brenner) were ever actually dead. they just made the other characters believe they were, and each time there’s been pretty immediate hints that they weren’t gone for good -- the whole situation with will’s body + him talking to joyce through the lights, hopper leaving the eggos for el, no body for hopper + ‘the american’ in the russian prison, no body for brenner – and this show doesn’t shy away from showing bodies. when a character is dead, they want us to know it and feel it) 

even the cast, millie and noah talking about how it's so big someone *has* to die, right? THEY LITERALLY DON'T. yes, it's a big battle and there should be losses but there is no reason for that to be main characters. like you said, is that unrealistic (and maybe a little ridiculous)?? well, yeah, but so is the show. realism has never been a priority in st. the show is literally a sappy sci-fi horror. and not killing protagonists is part of their formula, just like separating everyone into groups and then bringing them together in the finale is  

i think millie and noah were just joking when they said to start killing everyone, even their own characters, off. like, yeah, the cast is pretty big right now and a ton of characters were added for this season specifically, but they’ve all had their own roles to play and barely exist outside of those parts. chrissy, fred, patrick, they were all brought on just to be killed off – probably the same to be said for more new characters by the end of this season. and i think millie even said something about the duffers being afraid of or even just refusing to kill main characters. but why is killing main characters such a normal thing now? why do we have to expect for characters we love to die horribly for like... no reason?  

i've said it before, but this show absolutely is unrealistic and ridiculous AND cheesy. but it’s rooted in inspiration and references to 80s media, which is also something that i tend to think of as unrealistic and ridiculous and cheesy, so i mean it in the best way possible. it does its job. it's sappy and nostalgic, has an intense focus on love and family and friendship, while also playing on like... every major genre and trope from the era that they can fit into however many episodes and however many hours. i think some people take pieces of it way more seriously than the creators ever intended. they want it to be good, obviously, but also they’re huge nerds and they just want to have fun with it 

i'm absolutely worried about some of the more side characters this season, and i know losing any of them is going to hurt, too. they're very good at making you care about a secondary character only to rip them away from you. but if this was just any other show, we would’ve probably already seriously lost a main character or two  

i've seen people actually criticize this a lot because "it takes away from scenes like the end of dear billy because i know max won't die" and i guess that's valid criticism in some ways but i think people forget that that's literally just NOT the point of that scene. like, if they wanted you to be afraid max would actually like die, you would be. they've had every chance to kill main characters before. they could have killed nancy at the end of ep7 but they didn't. they're not even TRYING to get people scared for her, actually. that's why she's in the teaser and a bunch of bts and why they're not being suspenseful about her fate at all. st doesn't kill main characters. because they. don't. want. to. and they don't want people to be scared of that either, otherwise they'd be a lot more hush hush about stuff. this is something that has been true since s01.

again, why does it even matter? if you know that she isn’t going to die? death isn’t the only possible ending, and it’s not the only consequence, and she’s still very much in danger. there are still so many things that can happen, things that can go wrong, without having to make things so Final. i'm sorry if it starts feeling repetitive that main characters Aren’t being killed off ? but again, why are we just so accepting that that’s a normal response lol  

people around these characters have been dying since s1. like directly or indirectly, because of their involvement with the main characters, because of something the main characters have done. that's messed up enough ! we should be worried about everyone who isn’t listed above that’s ever interacted with one of the mains before even thinking to worry about them. it's a part of that endless suffering i mentioned. guilt, trauma, angst, suffering, only to die in the end anyway... it's just miserable 

they "kill" el and immediately add a scene of hopper taking eggos to the woods. they "kill" hopper and immediately add "the american". st makes fans suffer by putting their main characters through hell, but they don't kill them. that's actually something i love about the show. and some people may find that ridiculous or an error (and yeah, dead loved ones coming back again and again is anything but realistic) but it's very much intentional and has been since day 1 and changing that at the last second would be a huge mistake. one i don't think they'd ever make. (and that's not even talking about how death would ruin most character arcs and make their whole story pointless). anyway, i'm with you with hating the death obssesion around here!! they're so not going there, though, i'm fairly certain we're right 💙 

again, we're talking about the people who have said they immediately regretted killing characters who've only appeared in one episode. people who said they would leave the show if certain characters were killed off. people who write lines like: "she saves your life because of friendship", which, yes, was said incredulously, but should actually be considered a blueprint of the show. one memory of her mother saying she loved her was enough for el to beat henry in that first fight. it's a show literally about underdogs persevering against all odds ("chances of success..." "never tell me the odds")

and just...

killing certain characters would make other seasons of the show completely pointless, others would cause major major major backlash, others have already 'died' AND done the 'sacrifice themselves for everyone else' thing so doing it again but actually dying this time would be stupid, others would completely kill the nostalgia/rewatchability factor, and some would just be cruel. this covers the entire major cast

this is just my thought process on it anyway haha. like, they still could definitely kill someone, but i just think it’d be a bad idea. there's many more interesting and less final ways to go about it idk 

#if you read this i am SO sorry #it's also well past midnight and i woke up way earlier than i meant to this morning so like #i don't entirely... know what all i'm saying here and if it makes sense #probably just me talking in circles #about how much i don't want a main character death in this show dksjsakd #i know i didn't mention erica but like... she's barely main cast and i wouldn't consider her a major character rn #but i do think she's safe too #i've watched too many shows and loved too many characters and seen too many mcds #most of the time they're just lazy and stupid and completely avoidable #other times they're literally only done to further pain and trauma #which we have Plenty of in this show without even having to (really) do that #so there's just... no point in doing it other than people thinking they absolutely have to #which is not true #lex talks #st4 spoilers #spoilers #long post #i hope these tags and the read more work

[doctorprofessorsong]

Destiel fic recs

Another round of brainrot. I hope they never fix what's wrong with me.

Beggars Would Ride by Tiamatv (Explicit, 118k)

You had me at Aladdin AU. When Dean Winchester is caught stealing, he's given one chance for freedom. Go into the Cave of Wonders, grab the amulet, and get out. Things don't go as planned. Now he's got a moody ancient genie to contend with. But maybe he can use up two of his wishes and then grant the genie his wish: to be free. What could go wrong?

This fic is an absolutely delight. I laughed so hard, especially at the fun ways Tiamatv played with the SPN canon and the Disney movies. But beyond the humor is some really fantastic world building and a beautiful story about finding your way when you feel trapped by life.

Genie Cas is very cute and grumpy and sassy, and it's fun to watch him start to care. And Dean has so much heart it will make you ache. Sam and Jess are disgustingly cute but both are also whip smart and fun. And Jo (Jess’ sister in this) is the knife girl of my dreams.

This one is hard to put down.

Tourbillon Dreams by kayliemalinza @kayliemalinza (Mature, 40k)

Dean uses Bobby's life insurance proceeds to buy a hoarders house stuffed to the brim with cursed and haunted objects. But when he finds a clock that also happens to be an angel, things take an unexpected turn.

It sounds cracky and there is some delightful humor, but this fic packs a beautiful emotional punch. Dean is in his peak caretaking, competency mode and Clockstiel is adorable and entranced with Dean in a way that is just immensely readable.

There is something starkly gorgeous about the way Dean and Cas are physically so different and yet they find each other in meaningful and beautiful ways.

Love Is a Meat Loaf Song by followyourenergy @followyourenergy (Explicit, 68k)

A reimagining of canon where Dean is never saved and becomes a demon. He's bored waiting for the apocalypse when he happens upon a certain blue eyed seraph and they decide to work together.

This fic has all the delightful sassiness you expect of Demon!Dean and especially when he spends time with his frenemy, Meg. It also has just absolutely amazing angel lore and a deep dive into Cas and his trauma. All of this is wrapped up in a soft love story about two beings finding each other and seeing each other and breaking down each other's walls.

It's the entire package of funny, sincere and romantic.

Where there is Darkness by quiettewandering @wanderingcas (Explicit, 91k)

I may have popped this on at some point when it was a WIP but I have to renew my recommendation if so. Dean and Sam are lighthouse keepers, but Dean keeps driving off the third member of their team until Cas shows up. But will they be able to overcome their past to carve out happiness?

This Dean and Cas are so delicious. I am deeply fond of them both. They are fighting against so much baggage and yet they find in each other something so special. Sammy is also perfectly oblivious in the best way. It's hard to explain what makes this fic special except that it is so engrossing, you will be slamming next chapter

Valley of God by ValleyDean @valleydean (Mature, 145k)

I know. I KNOW. The MCD tag is daunting in a fic like this but I promise that while it is accurate, then ending is softer than you think and it's really the way it should end.

So there are a few things about this fic that make it absolutely delicious. First, it really delves into Cas’ trauma in a really gorgeous way. We don’t have enough fics that look at his angel trauma (we can't for me tbh) and this one uses a religious cult situation to delve into it. Second, Dean and Cas in this fic are just so messy and delightful. Dean wants to believe that Cas is good so badly. Cas wants to protect Dean the same way. It's crunchy. Finally, the atmosphere is amazing. It's creepy. It gets under your skin.

Is it dark? Absolutely. But it's also amazing.

The Darkest Sunshine by StarlightOfFandoms @starlightoffandoms (Explicit, 35k)

If murder husbands is your thing, this one is a delight of a fic. Dean Winchester is the Righteous Man serial killer, a notorious murderer who goes after monsters (in human form). People who are guilty of abhorrent crimes. But when he goes after Cas, a professor believed to have murdered several students, he discovers an innocent man being framed. Together with Cas and his team, Dean decides to find the real killer. He just has to pretend to be Cas’ boyfriend until they succeed.

The fake dating trope in a murder husbands fic was a total delight. So was the fact that Dean doesn't work alone and has a full support system to go after the worst of the worst. It's an intriguing concept done really well. Dean in this fic is an interesting blend of sociopathic tendencies, a strong sense of justice, and a willingness to do anything for those he is loyal to. Cas is intrigued by Dean and accepts him as he is. It's a really great combination.

A Weed In Any Other Place by VioletHaze @scones-and-texting-and-murder (Explicit, 63k)

On the other end of the spectrum is this fluffy rom com. There is some angst, but most of it is soft, sweet falling in love along with supportive friends and family.

Cas is a writer. Well, Cas had a book published and now he's desperately trying to write his second while convincing himself the first was probably just a fluke. Writers block is a bitch. That is until his car breaks down and he ends up at a little shop called Winchester and Son. By some weird trick of fate, it's exactly what he needs. He has the most productive day in years sitting in their waiting room. So he comes back, and keeps coming back. The extremely cute mechanic with green eyes doesn't hurt.

Cas is a disaster at social situations in a relatable way. Dean is struggling to put away some bad lessons from his dad so that he can find what he wants instead of what his father pushed on him. Both have a lovely support system. Charlie, in particular, makes me deeply fond in this fic.

i like your shoelaces (thanks! i stole them from the president) by you-cant-spell-subtext-without (ayreisha) @you-cant-spell-subtext-without (Explicit, WIP, 33k so far)

My lovely Tumblr wife is back at it, writing the most delightfully chaotic fic based on Misha's prompt awhile back for President Cas and Fast Food Janitorial Staff Dean Winchester. It's a Cinderella story and in equal parts hilarious and adorable. Also it is a Dean-saster/Cas-tastrophe pairing which is always fun plus there's a 2 person love triangle situation.

Dean's stuck in a miserable job with his only escape being his love of How I Met Your Mother and the Tumblr blog he devotes to the fandom. But when a handsome man walks in one night after hours, things heat up. Too bad the man in question is actually the President.

It's a romp and a love letter to fandom.

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic recs #deancas fic recs #destiel fic rec #deancas fic rec

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - three stars in orion's belt

Masterlist - part sixteen

Summary: Kayla and Spider return to Awa'atlu, and some things shift into place, right where they need to be.

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 15k+

Overall warnings: implied sexual themes, trauma/ptsd, canon-compliant, mature language, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, rushed, time skips, fluff, angst, mentioned mcd, child endangerment, proofread by me, etc.

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69 @avatar-lover

A/N: Please ignore all the time skips 🙏 I didn't want to write another 20k+ chapter

A beautiful, quiet afternoon in Awa'atlu is evident all around Jake as he finds himself alone in the marui while the rest of his family is out enjoying the warm, sunny day on the reef. He was crouched and trying to remake his tomahawk that he had lost during the battle, but it was proven difficult since he didn't have the proper materials here on the island as he did back in the forest. 

His time alone is interrupted by the sound of his youngest child calling out to him from outside, "Dad! Dad!"

"Tuk?" Jake's ears perked up, immediately alarmed as he got to his feet and stepped out of the pod, "Are you alright? What's wrong, sweetheart?"

His little girl was waving him down the pathway, barely stopping to wait for him as she was eager to run away, a bright, wide smile on her face as she pointed up at the sky, "Auntie's back! Look! Auntie and Spider are back!"

With that, she races off toward the beach, no longer patient enough to wait for her father. Jake's alarmed expression takes a moment, but slowly melts as he tilts his head back to look up at the sky, the unmistakable shadow of an ikran flying overhead.

The rest of the village appears to stir with curiosity as everyone becomes aware of the new entry, heads all occasionally looking up to see if they could spot the mountain banshee for themselves. As Tuk runs down to the beach, she's yelling for the rest of her family, announcing her aunt's arrival as she goes.

Kayla circled the village a few times to ensure the Metkayina was aware of her presence so that they would make some space on the beach for her to land, only feeling comfortable once the horn to announce her arrival was blown. She couldn't see him, but Spider's face was smiling widely as he peered down at the reef village below, anxious to get down there after three, long weeks.

The uproar of the horn and the talk around the village bring Ronal and Tonowari out of their kelku to see what all the fuss is about. They catch sight of Kayla's ikran and visibly appear relieved, shoulders sagging as they share a knowing look. They turn back to their home when both of their children step outside, and Tonowari's hand heavily weighs Ao'nung's shoulder as both father and son stare at one another.

"Remember what I told you," the olo'eyktan says with a skeptical look in his eye, "Respect the boy."

Tsireya smiles brightly and dutifully nods, while Ao'nung reluctantly follows suit. His sister tugs on his arm until he's following her down toward the beach, where handfuls of the village had begun to gather to form a large circle that would act as Kayla's landing zone. 

Thena swings low, flying just above the water at Kayla's command. Tuk is jumping up and down in the sand, waving her arms at her aunt and laughing as she flags the ikran down. The ikran dips low, flying right past the Na'vi girl with the tip of its wing grazing the water surface, playfully spraying Tuk in the face. The girl squeals with delight and laughs, all the while Jake watches this cute display from a distance, his alarm melting in exchange for amusement, chuckling and fondly shaking his head at his sister's playful antics.

"Show off." He mutters to himself.

Tuk continues to giggle and anxiously waits until the banshee finally lands, both water and sand flying everywhere as the ikran comes in for a ferocious landing. Thena barely meets the sand with her talons before Tuk sprints up to her, arms out wide as Kayla is quick to jump off and break tsaheylu.

"Auntie!" 

"Tuk!" Kayla exclaims as she quickly falls to her knees to catch her niece's embrace, laughing with the child as Tuk tackles her in a tight hug, wrapping her small arms around Kayla's neck, nearly sending her into the sand.

Kiri pushes her way through the growing crowd to get to the center, Lo'ak dutifully right behind her. She looked between her sister and Kayla, and then the human boy who had just stepped around the large ikran, making her smile widen with relief, "Monkey Boy!"

Lo'ak beams, quickly following his sister and they race to their friend, "Welcome back, Spider!"

Spider straightens and smiles gently at the sight of his friends running to him, "Hey, guys-- oh, shit!" 

Only for his face to drop into shock when two large, teenage Na'vi tackles his smaller body into the water behind him. The three teens laugh as they grapple and embrace each other in the shallow water, and for added measure, Lo'ak ruffles a handful of wet sand into Spider's dreads.

"Bro!" The human boy squawks. 

"That's what you get for staying away for so long," Lo'ak laughs, "What was up with that? Three weeks, cuz?"

"Hey! Did you save any of that enthusiasm for me?" Kayla calls over playfully as she stands back up, completely forgotten by Tuk who was anxious to join the Spider-hugging pile.

Kiri shoves Lo'ak down and quickly gets up before he can enact his revenge, the teenage girl bounding up and hugging her aunt's waist. Spider doesn't let Lo'ak greet Kayla and holds the Na'vi boy down so Tuk can shove wet sand into his own braided hair, leaving Lo'ak yelping and snarling at the devious pair.

Kayla laughs at the heartwarming sight, looking around and openly smiling at the growing crowd of Metkayina, most of their faces appear welcoming as they meet her gaze. She catches sight of Jake and Neytiri gently pushing through the crowd and meeting one another before walking over to join their family, which reminds Kayla to unpack a bit of her luggage from Thena's back before she can forget.

"Tuk," the girl in question looks up and skips over to her aunt when Kayla calls for her, the woman digging out a small parcel of leaves wrapped around something from one of Thena's saddle bags, "Some of your favorite sundried berries. You have my permission not to share with your dad. And... ah ha!" She fished out something that had gotten caught at the bottom of the bag. Another wrapped gift, which she carefully hands down to her youngest niece, "This is from Popiti. She said she made it just for you."

Tuk beams at the gifts, especially at the mention of her friend, before glancing up at Kayla, "Thank you, Auntie!"

Kayla smiles and moves on to the next child as the rest of the teens have now moved to stand around her, "Lo'ak, I got a new throat mic for you. Uh..." She digs around further before finding what she was looking for and handing it to her nephew, "There you are-- here's the earpiece."

"Thanks, Auntie." Lo'ak grins while taking the new communication device.

"I actually got enough for the whole family this time so we'll pass those around later," Kayla unrolls a cloth that she had tightly tied down to Thena's saddle before handing it to her older niece, "Kiri, this is your new jacket."

Kiri's eyebrows furrow before unwrapping the cloth, holding out a large, avatar-sized safari jacket, once tan but now a little worn from age and sun exposure. Kiri gently squints at the human-made item before her eyes widen with realization, glancing over at her aunt, "Was this my Ma's?"

Kayla nods with soft encouragement, "According to Norm, it was. He thought you should have it. Try it on."

Kiri did so, fitting her arms into the sleeves before wrapping the oversized jacket around her small frame like a safety blanket, taking a deep breath as she pressed her nose into the collar. Kayla smiles sweetly at the sight, "Yeah, it definitely suits you. It's warm and stylish, just like you."

Spider smiles a little and motions Kiri over, asking his friend to help him bring all of his belongings to Kayla's marui. Kiri happily accepts after she's given a moment to appreciate her gift, and with Lo'ak and Tuk's help, they get all of Kayla and Spider's supplies off of Thena's back, and the ikran huffs with appreciation.

Kayla takes a backpack from Tuk before the kids can take off to her kelku, rummaging it before she looks up at Neytiri. Both women paused as they stood in front of one another, their last known conversation playing in the back of their minds, making one another hesitant. Eventually, Kayla clears her throat and provides a gift to the Na'vi woman, holding out the shawl Mo'at made with a look of hesitance.

"Neytiri... from your sa'nok."

Neytiri's tail flicks with interest as she takes the folded-up shawl, holding it out and unraveling it. Her ears pinned back against her skull as she recognizes the fine craftsmanship as if it were her own, eyes faintly growing wet as she sucks in a sharp bit of air. She knows the meaning behind the gift, and a single tear falls down her face. Much like Kiri, Neytiri wraps the cloth around her body and takes in the item's familiar scent, feeling protected under her mother's handiwork.

Kayla averts her gaze, feeling as though she was watching Neytiri in a vulnerable moment before holding out a weapon to her brother, "Jake. I told Tarsem that you lost your tomahawk and so he made you this."

Jake's eyebrows rise in surprise, taking the new tomahawk in hand and testing the weight and craftsmanship as Kayla continues to explain, "As a sign of good faith. He wants you to know that he's leading the People by your example. You haven't been forgotten."

He tightens his jaw, internally touched by the gesture of the Omatikaya's new olo'eyktan. Lowering the tomahawk, he nods solemnly at his sister, ears sinking slightly as he hesitates, "Thanks, Kay. How... how are you?"

She fixes him a small look, apprehensive before she shrugs and looks away, "Never better."

"Everything alright back at base? What took you two so long to get back?"

Kayla's left ear flicked once before she easily answered, "We didn't want to risk the RDA following us again so we kept low until we thought it was safe enough to come back. I was going to radio you... but then I thought Spider and I could turn it into a surprise."

Jake appears satisfied with the answer, one corner of his mouth threatening to rise out of amusement. As he opens his mouth to make a no-doubt smartass remark, Kayla swiftly turns away, "I should help the kids unpack our stuff."

As she turns her back on her brother, she is suddenly tackled by another teenager, and the initial shock melts when she's met with none other than sweet Tsireya with her arms wrapped around the older woman's waist, beaming up at the avatar, "Oel ngati kameie, Makayla te Suli!"

Kayla exhaled a quiet laugh as she smiled down at the reef girl and gently squeezed her back, "Oel ngati kameie, Tsireya," briefly peering up, she noticed the boy standing behind his sister and she nodded once in greeting, "Ao'nung."

The reef boy nods back at the sound of his name, his expression impassive and reminding Kayla just how much he looks like his mother. Tsireya looks around, ignoring her brother's stare-off with Makayla as her little ears begin to fall, "Did Spider not come back with you?"

Kayla's expression melts before looking back down at the reef girl with a small smile, "He's already unpacking back at our kelku. Lo'ak and the others should be with him if you want to follow me with the rest of our things?"

"I would be happy to!" Tsireya explains while following Kayla to her ikran, the girl's sharp elbow nonchalantly meeting her brother's ribs as she passed by him.

Ao'nung coughs, "Yeah, alright."

Together, Kayla and the chief's children manage to bring the rest of hers and Spider's things to her marui, stepping inside and being met with Sully children everywhere, helping Spider unpack. Already, this pod was starting to look more like a home. Someone had actually managed to hang Kayla's "bookshelf" up, dangling it from the ceiling above and letting it hang against the wall, a few of Spider's things already nestled on it. Tsireya and Ao'nung move to help, greeting Spider and asking him questions about his travels and what he had been up to these past few weeks. If Spider was shocked by their sudden interest, he didn't show it, answering expressively, likely comfortable with their presence so long as Kayla and the Sullys were surrounding him.

Both he and Kayla were unpacked and settled back into their home in no time with the help of the children, and even though they all had to part ways to finish their chores, they promised to come back and visit before dinner to catch up and learn what has been happening in High Camp. Kayla and Spider are left in the home, tidying up before the communal dinner. Kayla takes a moment to look at the bookshelf, inspecting all the objects now placed on top to make it full and more... homey, as she had initially wanted it to look. 

Spider had placed a spare mask there, with a small photo leaning against it. Kayla didn't need to ask to know who the picture was of, observing the woman with brown hair holding a blond baby in her arms. Next to the photo were two sets of dog tags, Kayla's and Jake's that she finally decided to leave off of her person and keep on the shelf as a form of memorium, along with the pictures she once had pinned up in the shack back at High Camp, specifically the one with herself and her brothers.

Satisfied with how her new home looks, she smiles and turns to address Spider, only for her words to fall short. The teen hadn't looked up from covering an ammunition container with a woven blanket, unaware of Kayla eyeing his blond locs as they had been pulled back and held up by a hair band, in a fashion very similar to Lo'ak's and other Metkayina warriors. The band itself was brown and decorated with scattered pieces of iridescent shell. 

"That's new."

Spider looked up and met her eyes before he realized what she was talking about, smiling a little cautiously as he explained, "Tsireya made it for me."

A small twinkle forms in her eye, lips twitching with fondness, "Really?"

"Yeah, although I'm not sure Ao'nung helped her as she claims."

A small pause falls between them as Kayla's eyebrows furrow. Before Spider could even ask what was wrong, the expression melted into something more sincere, a smile replacing her once-shrouded emotion, 

 "Hm. He might've. Kinda looks like his armband. It looks good."

The mask nearly hides it, but she manages to catch a small beam of pride flash over Spider's face before it vanishes at the same time he bows his head, pretending to adjust his exo-pack. Kayla let him shy away as she was currently bombarded with her own thoughts, her smile falling once she knew Spider's back was turned. The thought of Ao'nung and Tsireya providing a gift for Spider could mean many things and Kayla didn't want to jump to any conclusions. However, the timing felt odd, especially after Norm practically had to force her to realize that Ronal and Tonowari very likely care for her more than just an ally or a member of their clan. She couldn't bring herself to say what they likely outright felt for her, but she, deep down, knew it to be true. 

It couldn't have been a coincidence that the children of the Metkayina clan leaders seemed interested in Spider and his adventures, and while Kayla was delighted that the boy was making friends, she couldn't help but feel partially responsible for it. What would happen if she didn't reciprocate any of the clan leaders' advances? Would Spider's new friends suddenly pull back from him? 

She didn't want to believe that the Na'vi could be so sinister, but that was the human in her... suspicious of everything.

~~~~~~~~~

Dinner rolls around and the Sullys are eager to hear about what Kayla and Spider have heard from the rest of their friends and family back in High Camp. While they try not to show it, Jake and Neytiri eye Kayla with a careful expression, as if wanting to ask her about the war but not wanting to break this moment of peace between family members, no matter how strained. Kayla uses this to her advantage, avoiding her brother and his wife for the moment so she can feel more at ease and at home after being away for longer than she intended. The children help her chest feel lighter as they eagerly share everything they had done while she was away, rambling to the point she didn't have to think about anything else other than trying to catch up with her nieces and nephew. 

That is until she felt that familiar gaze practically bleeding into her skin, that gaze she could only feel when there were two sets of eyes closely watching her every move. Looking up from where she sat, Kayla easily spotted Ronal and Tonowari down near the end of the long line of Metkayina enjoying their meals. Both the tsahik and the olo'eyktan meet her eyes without shame, blue and green meeting her yellow gaze, always outnumbering her, always successful in stealing her breath away.

She knows that she was being rude by not getting up to greet them, or for never even seeking them out the moment she returned to the village. After all, they were her hosts and her clan leaders, but there was a small bit of nerves eating away at her courage to approach them. Kayla was feeling intimidated by them, now more than ever, but for an entirely different reason compared to when she first met them. It couldn't be helped after everything Norm pointed out about their past behavior towards her, his words still itching at the back of her mind, making her irritated with her best friend despite him being oceans away. 

While she was taking Norm's words into consideration, she was also, unfortunately, still a Sully. Stubbornly shutting down any doubts or insecurities, she swiftly stood up and told her family that she would be right back before turning and walking through the crowd of Metkayina. Ronal and Tonowari's eyes never left hers as she walked toward them, but hers would occasionally dart away to avoid someone's tail, or to find a path around bodies as they knelt or crouched over their food. It was a good excuse for her to look away, unable to hold such an intense gaze. 

When she finally drew close to the leaders in question, she touched her hand to her forehead in greeting, "Ma olo'eyktan. Ma tsahik."

Ronal pointedly looks Kayla up and down before nodding back and motioning for the dreamwalker to sit down. When Kayla crouched to her level, the tsahik opened her mouth, simply stating, "We have a gift for you." 

The Metkayina woman twists to grab something settled between her and her mate, bringing it up to display in the air with both hands for Kayla, presenting a beaded top. 

Kayla's eyes widened, a small, chill of dread making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up at the thought of wearing something so exposed. That is until she got a proper look at the top in question. It was... well, more conservative than Kayla had expected upon being given a Na'vi-styled top. The pieces meant to hang around the chest area are tightly woven together without a hole in sight, covering as much as possible. The beads were of a variety of blues and greens, and the pattern swirled fittingly like water. Kayla tilted her head as she eyed the pattern, a faint memory forming in the back of her head as it reminded her of that one Starry Night painting she once saw in a museum as a child. Woven grass was braided through the beads and up into a large hoop at the top of the piece, meant to wrap around her neck, with soft, feather-like straps dangling from the sides of the top, meant to hang off her shoulders. 

Tonowari nods to the item in his wife's hands, "I had gathered the material and Ronal had woven them all together."

He then starts to form a closed-mouth smile, his expression soft and genuine, "Consider it a welcome home gift."

Kayla sits back on her heels, gaping at the clothing piece in awe and admiration. Slowly, her hands reach up to take the item, feeling the beads between her finger and thumb as she settles it in her lap. She swallows thickly as she raises her head up to the man and woman sitting in front of her, watching her expectedly. She blinks out of her daze, anxious as her stomach swirled uncomfortably, her conversation with Norm now practically trying to beat its way out of her skull with how loud the words pounded in her head, an awful reminder of what the gift was clearly meant to represent. She remembers the fears she expressed to Norm if she accepted Ronal and Tonowari, recalling her insecurities about her appearance, stature, and infertility. Despite wanting to spare the couple from that, she also didn't want to turn down their thoughtful gift.

She tries to express her gratitude in her small nod toward Ronal, "Thank you."

Ronal simply huffs, ears twitching once at Kayla's response as her large hand reaches forward and pinches the worn hem of the avatar's crop top, "Your clothes have seen better days. And as someone who wishes to be part of the People, You could use clothes made for the People."

~~~~~~~~~

Even though she now had a new top in her possession, Kayla didn't wear it, sticking to her old crop top. She knew wearing it would mean accepting it. It would mean something else, something she wasn't entirely ready to admit to herself or anyone.

If either Ronal or Tonowari was disappointed that she wasn't wearing their gift the next day, they didn't show it, and Kayla honestly wasn't sure if she was relieved by that or not. She tries to ignore it as Jake visits her marui to talk about certain events that unfolded with the Omatikaya while he had been away. She catches him up to speed as much as possible, her brain wracking with all the information she had been dumped with as the messenger between her brother and his old clan.

Their discussion is eventually interrupted by the sound of anxious feet kicking up sand outside, followed by shouting, "Makayla! Makayla! Look! Something's happening to Spider!"

It was like a ball of lead dropped down her stomach as panic ambushed all her senses. Before Kayla could even run out of the pod, however, three teenagers come hurtling inside, some more panicked than others. Kayla first spotted Tsireya, the reef girl's concern as clear as day on her young, sweet face. Her larger hands tugged Spider along with her, the human teenaged boy looking a bit flushed and closed-off, shoulders hunching as if he was trying to look small, or at least smaller than he already was compared to the Na'vi standing all around him.

Ao'nung was the third teenager, and he was standing directly behind his sister and Spider, towering over the pair. Despite the hard expression, his ears were flicking wildly around, almost as fast as his eyes as he looked between Spider and up at Kayla, just as concerned as Tsireya, who was now frantically turning Spider around in her grasp as he tried to yelp and swat at her. Spider clearly wasn't trying to harm her, however, as she then displayed his back to the two adults in the room, "See!"

All worry drains from Kayla as she fights to keep her expression neutral, despite the growing amusement in her chest when she notices Spider's pink and peeling skin. Not wanting to appear as though she was mocking Tsireya's panicked state with laughter, the older woman bites the inside of her cheek to keep back a smile that threatened to appear as she peers down at the child she was responsible for.

"Spider, I told you to put on sunscreen."

"I did!" He exclaimed defiantly, his face flushed with pink underneath his mask, likely out of shame and embarrassment then a small sunburn. 

"And did you reapply any as needed? That stuff only lasts a few hours, you know."

He pointedly avoided Kayla's gaze, still indignant and refusing to reply, keeping his back to her as Kayla hummed, now letting a smirk grace her face, "That's what I thought. You might be fine now, but if you don't start properly treating your skin at a young age, you'll just run into problems when you're older, like skin cancer."

Jake was just as easily entertained by the concerned reef children and Spider's embarrassment, standing off to the side as his tail flicked behind him with interest. He glances between Kayla and Spider, one corner of his lips twitching as his eyes stare fondly and, dare I say, proudly at his sister. 

Kayla didn't appear to notice Jake as she reached for the tube of sunscreen that now made its home on her kelku's shelf, "Come on. You promised Max."

Spider kept his head lowered, ashamed even as he grumbled a small form of agreement and took the sunscreen from her. This teenager was actually full-blown pouting at Kayla, and it made Jake chuckle in amusement, finally speaking up to reassure the boy, "Don't worry about it, Spider. As humans, Sullys tend to burn way worse than that, so we didn't get much sun as kids. We were pretty pale. One look at Kayla and people used to ask if she was a vampire."

Kayla's brows furrowed as she glanced back at her brother, "Shut up, Jake."

"What's a vampire?" Spider asked curiously, trying to mask his shock toward Jake as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that the older man had just categorized Spider under the Sully family. 

"Don't listen to him," Kayla immediately replied as Jake was opening his mouth. One more lighthearted glare from her and the older brother immediately closed his mouth once more, still grinning even as Kayla nodded to Spider and his two shadows, "Now you kids get outta here."

"But," Ao'nung's ears lower, "What about Spider--"

"It's called a sunburn, Ao'nung," Kayla smiles reassuringly, "Humans get them when they're out in the sun too long. It's normal, don't worry."

"I wasn't."

"Mm hm," she smirks, unconvinced as she nods to the open doorway, "Go on. 'Git."

Jake snorts fondly at Kayla's choice of human words as the three teens leave the marui once more. Both older Sully siblings fall into silence as they watch the children leave, Jake's amusement falling into something more thoughtful as he struggles to find the right words, "The kid looks good. You did good."

"I didn't do anything." Kayla brushes his comment off, moving back to the mat she had been previously kneeling on.

"No, I mean... you did right by him. You fought for him when no one else did. He's a good kid," Jake tried expressing how proud he was of his sister without using those exact words, knowing she wouldn't accept them, least of all from him. They sit across from each other, a small lit fire between them as Jake's voice lowers, "He's lucky to have you as his mom."

Her eyes quickly glance up at him and immediately narrow, "I'm not--"

"Kayla, come on. He relies on you. He looks up to you. I know that look better than most. He's trying very hard to live up to you... and part of me thinks he got that from watching Neteyam and Lo'ak."

Slowly, her defensive stance melts as her words soften, "Jake. Hey, stop. Don't do that."

He wasn't sure what she was implying until he realized his vision was blurry, obstructing her face from what was only a few feet from him. Jake immediately blinked and cleared his throat, his voice still tight, "We talked. Me and Lo'ak."

"That's good."

"Yeah... I just wish I had done it sooner. If I did, maybe Neteyam--"

"Don't," She could do nothing else but shake her head at him, "We all carry some form of regret. Just focus on now."

~~~~~~~~~

That night, she found herself adding yet another bead to her songcord, only this time, she successfully weaves it into the growing waytelem all by herself. It was a bead she had seen Spider wear in his hair before but had recently replaced with yet another shell both Tsireya and Tuk had been finding for him. Kayla wouldn't think Spider would notice if he was missing a bead, but she still kept her newfound piece for her songcord a secret, immediately tucking it away once she was finished applying it just as Spider was returning home for the night. He looked exhausted, spending most of the day with Tsireya and Kiri as the two girls appeared adamant about teaching him the ways of the Metkayina. Rotxo had eventually joined them and then what was once a lesson had quickly grown into a game. 

Kiri and Spider decided to try to teach the two reef children a human game they had learned from Jake when they were little, and so Spider quickly found himself on Rotxo's shoulders while Tsireya was on Kiri's. They must have played 'Chicken Fight' for hours, both Tsireya and Rotxo enticed by the simple game of trying to wrestle their competitor into the water, despite being confused about what exactly a chicken was. Neither Kiri nor Spider could answer. They didn't know either. 

Since Spider was smaller, he couldn't imagine lifting either of the Metkayina teenagers, but he'd already had practice with Kiri, so he had managed to hold her up on his shoulders for a round or two, but it still had his back feeling sore by the time he walked home. His hand was crossing over his chest and rubbing the opposite shoulder as he walked into the kelku, met with Kayla working on something in her hands before she tucked it away in her pocket, her hands now focused on cooking some fish over the hearth's fire.

"Hey," she smiled when she looked up to greet him, "How was your day?"

"Good. Tired," he responds shortly, sitting down across from her as he looks into the smoldering fire. A sheepish expression flashes over his face for a moment as he lets his thoughts get the better of him, speaking quietly in case he shouldn't be asking, "So... what am I supposed to call you?"

Her brows furrow in confusion, shadows from the fire dancing over her face, "Huh?"

"It's just that..." he ducks his head, "You don't want me calling you Kayla forever, right?"

Realization dawns on her face when she finally deduces what he is trying to say, her surprise melting into contempt as she replies, "You're not supposed to call me anything other than what you're comfortable with."

He peers up at her with a soft frown, "Again, you're being too understanding. You're not helping my case in believing I could kill in front of you and you wouldn't bat an eye."

"Smartass," she laughed, eliciting a smile to form on Spider's face at the sound. Kayla's nose scrunched up as she smiled back, "You can just call me Kayla if you want. It'll be all up to you for once."

It might not have been the answer he was expecting, but it was one he greatly appreciated and thought long and hard on. 

~~~~~~~~~

Spider thought about Kayla's response as he and the Sully children were listening in on Jake, Neytiri, and Kayla as they argued one afternoon in hushed voices in the security of the Sully marui. Apparently, Kayla had done Neytiri wrong by bringing Spider back to Awa'atlu, and while she had kept her mouth closed about her distaste, it all came to a head when Spider had taken Tuk for a small swim without her consent. 

It was his fault, and while Spider had initially tried to take the blame, Kayla had shot him down and told the kids to go look for Tsireya for the evening and let the adults talk alone. Obviously, the children weren't about to do that and snuck around behind the marui to snoop on their parents' conversation, ducking their heads to peer underneath the wall so they could see the three adults.

"What if she got hurt? What could he possibly do to help her?" Neytiri had hissed to both her husband and his sister, Spider's guardian, "I do not want my baby to be by herself, let alone left with him."

"Spider's responsible," Kayla defended her charge with her arms crossed and glare pinpointed at her sister-in-law, "And yes, he should've asked, but that doesn't mean he's a bad kid, Neytiri. Kids forget things. It happens."

"And when children die, does it just 'happen?'" Neytiri snipes back, clear grief and anger mixing her pools of yellow eyes. 

"It does when someone holds a knife to their throat," Kayla hisses, quick as lightning with her reply as her tail flicks sporadically behind her, "As you likely knew when you did so to Spider."

Kiri's hand snakes up and grips tightly onto Spider's shoulder, both of them doing their best to keep their breathing slow and quiet so the adults they were eavesdropping on wouldn't hear them. Lo'ak makes a point to keep a hand over Tuk's mouth from off to the side of them. Spider swallows thickly as Kayla's retort bounces around in his head, the memory of Neytiri putting him in harm's way still always lingering whenever he looks at her, his hand unconsciously rising to trace the scar on his chest. The way Kiri was gripping his shoulder, he knew she was thinking the same thing. 

"Enough," Jake alleviates as gently as possible, a permanent dent in his forehead from his eyebrows wrinkling with concern and desperation about the well-being of his family members. He glances between his wife and his sister before settling on Neytiri, "Spider isn't a danger to anyone, baby. You know this. He grew up with our children."

"You have never, not once, disagreed with me about the boy until now," Neytiri sneered back, betrayal evident in her eyes as she glanced between Jake and Kayla, "Until she decided to keep him like some pet and bring him around our children."

"Spider is not a pet," Jake retorts softly, his eyes unable to meet hers as her words only made his guilt stronger in his gut, regretting all those years he should've fought for an innocent child.

"And he's not her son," Neytiri growled lowly, "She's not his mother."

Spider watches Kayla's expression fall along with her ears and tail, the sight alone causing an unexpecting wave of rage to wash through him. He barely even thinks, a split-second decision made as he pulls out of Kiri's grip and stomps out of hiding, reentering the marui and pointing an accusing finger right up at Neytiri, venom in his voice as he was quick to defend Kayla, "Then by your logic, Kiri isn't your daughter."

The room falls into intense silence as all three adults zone in on Spider, all of them surprised by his reappearance, their ears falling with shame as all of the children come out of hiding, revealing they had heard everything just by looks alone. Neytiri felt as though she was between a rock and a hard place as she stared into each of her children's disappointed eyes before landing back on Spider, who didn't appear to be done with her,

"If Kiri was born a human, would you have loved her?" The question stuns Neytiri into silence, though she subtly glances at her eldest daughter as Spider continues, "Because that was always your excuse to avoid me. Because I was human. The thing is, I don't think you wouldn't love Kiri any less if she was human. She was born of Dr. Augustine, someone you loved very much."

The name makes Jake wince and Kiri's ears lower, her eyes wet and internally pleading with Neytiri as she stares up at her adoptive mother. Kayla felt as though she couldn't breathe, staring down at the boy she took in with disbelief, unable to blink in case he suddenly disappeared. She was surprised by his quick words in defense of her, unable to stop this small wave of pride desperately wanting to display on her face.

Spider shakes his head as he continues, defeat in his voice after finally accepting the truth for the first time ever in his life, "But if she were human? It wouldn't have mattered. Because you don't actually hate all humans. You just hate me... because of the man who helped create me."

Neytiri's expression settles back into someone filled with anger and takes one step toward him, but only gets one step before Kayla suddenly stands in front of Spider, blocking her path. Both women stare one another dead in the eyes with a deep snarl escaping both of their lips, ready for blood if need be and visibly making Jake and the children uneasy. Spider felt his body move before his mind could catch up, and without a thought, he stepped forward and stood close to Kayla's side, half covered by her body as if hiding from Neytiri.

Kayla's eyes didn't even blink as she glared at her sister-in-law, her voice deep and grinding like gravel, "If you know what's best for you, you'll leave him alone. You will never hurt Spider again."

Jake would've been impressed by the deep, protective growl his sister lets out if it wasn't for the fact that it was directed at his mate. In other words, the sound intimidated him and he genuinely worried for Neytiri if she didn't back down. He noticed his own kids flinch as well, and a faint memory of them reacting poorly to Neytiri's ferociousness against Quaritch only made him want to defuse the situation even more. He understands that Kayla was just protecting Spider, much like how he knew Neytiri would protect her own children, but he didn't want this ending with the two women he valued most in life to continue being at each other's throats. 

Spider looked up at Jake, and whatever expression he saw on the older man's face made him understand what he was thinking. Wordlessly, Spider reached his hand up and gently settled it on Kayla's arm. Jake felt the tension in his own shoulders melt as Kayla's posture began to relax, her tail still flicking irritably, but she had stopped baring her fangs and now only looked at Neytiri with disappointment instead of pure hatred.

"What you went through-- what the Sky People put you through, I understand," she starts out, "I understand why you're hostile to humans. But loss and pain don't excuse the neglect and pure hatred directed toward an innocent child. Spider didn't kill your sister or your father. He didn't destroy your home. Your hostility is directed at the wrong person and he doesn't deserve it."

Neytiri scoffed with sharp fangs, her words not as heated but also still hurting Spider like the knife that was once cut along his chest, "He spared the life of the man who destroyed my home, who killed my father and was behind the death of my son--"

"You were the one who told me Eywa only protects the balance of life," Kayla raised her chin, "You said it yourself. A son for a son. Quaritch already paid for Neteyam's death, even if he didn't die in return. Quaritch will get what's coming to him, in time, but it won't be by harming Spider."

Neytiri stares at Kayla for a good long while, her hatred slowly sinking back down beneath her skin as defeat and grief replace it once more. She takes one look back down at Spider and scoffs, but more quietly than before. Eventually, she turns and looks away, ending the conversation with her back toward them as her mind runs rampant with conflicting thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~

Tsireya noticed the obvious tension among the Sully family immediately. It wasn't hard, really, but one morning, they seemed happy and content, but then the next, they were clearly avoiding one another, or at least the adults were. The chief's daughter noticed the distaste that appeared to stick permanently on Neytiri's face as she followed Ronal out into the water astride a pair of ilu. Tsireya didn't dare try and calm whatever storm was brewing in Neytiri's mind that day, knowing that her mother would quickly straighten it out.

So, Tsireya decides to calm whatever storm was in Kayla's head, since the other Sully female appeared to be just as irritated with something that likely involved Neytiri since they were both being kept far away from each other, by Jake and the children. Tsireya finds Kayla and politely asks if she could accompany her to the crafting pods today. Kayla followed the young reef girl without question and together they walked toward the huts where Kayla had first officially met Tsireya. 

Tsireya didn't waste any time once they arrived. Taking Kayla's hand, she lures the older woman around the large circle of Metkayina who were crafting various different items and stops her in front of one particular Na'vi she had been dying to introduce Kayla to, "Makayla, this is Rutxa. They are our very best weaver, in both crafting and story-telling."

Ruxta looked up at the mention of their name and sharp blue eyes immediately landed on Kayla. Standing to full height, they stood over Kayla by about an inch, clearly more built around the shoulders and legs. Their crafting which Tsireya swears by is obviously shown in their clothes, wearing a beautiful, sharp lapis blue top that wraps around their neck, chest, and back, woven through a cummerbund similar to any Metkayina warrior. The cummerbund was strapped over only one shoulder and decorated with both shells and akula teeth. Rutxa's loincloth was a lighter, aqua color, made of dried seaweed, and decorated with a very long and impressive songcord. Tattoos peek out of Ruxta's clothing and wrap around their shoulders and back, a smaller one inked around their left eye, accentuating their lagoon blue skin. 

"Ah, so I finally get to meet the famous dreamwalker everyone is talking about." Ruxta's smile is wide and cat-like, which automatically sets off something in the back of Kayla's mind.

"Everyone?" Kayla asked, slightly suspicious.

"Don't listen to them, Makayla," Tsireya tugged Kayla's hand so the older woman would look down at her, the reef girl's smile was playful, "Rutxa tends to fabricate a lot of stories."

Ruxta flashes a knowing look down at Tsireya, a look only an adult could possess when talking to someone younger, "Child, if I recall, you used to eat up my stories when you had yet to learn how to speak."

Kayla had never seen Tsireya this giddy before, giggling to herself with a small, amused roll of her eyes in Rutxa's direction before the reef girl tugged Kayla's hand until she was kneeling down between herself and the Metkayina weaver. The three of them crouching together in a small circle, they get to work as Rutxa shows Kayla the best weaving techniques, a feat that the avatar woman had yet to master. Tsireya smiles and watches as Kayla is suddenly dragged into a discussion about the best ways to weave a story as her hands move to bead together a lovely top without having to think about it much, Ruxta easily gets the proper responses from the dreamwalker and even a few stories of her own from her homeworld that intrigued the weaver.

Tsireya took a look outside to determine the time of day before she had to regrettably part ways to find Lo'ak and Spider for their lessons. The reef girl stands and respectfully bows her hand to both Kayla and Ruxta with a sweet smile before exchanging pleasantries and leaving the pod, waving over her shoulder at the pair before disappearing.

Kayla smiled while watching her go before lowering her gaze to continue her work, only to realize a separate gaze was now carefully watching her. She glanced up and noticed Rutxa had not returned to their work and was comfortable just staring at Kayla with a knowing expression. Once they realized Kayla had noticed them, Rutxa flicks their eyes over to the entrance of the pod that Tsireya had just exited through,

"She adores you."

Kayla looks back down at her work, smiling to herself, "I adore her. She's a very sweet and kind person."

"She speaks very highly of you, as does her sa'sem."

The mention of Ronal and Tonowari forces Kayla's hands to pause around the top she had successfully made. It was too small for her, but Rutxa insisted on starting small, so perhaps it could be gifted to a child of the village... if they would want something made by Kayla. The brief distraction doesn't last long as the thought of the clan leaders drives Kayla's ears to flick with interest, even as her eyes downcast, "Their respect is misplaced."

"Is it?" Rutxa hummed while leaning back on the balls of their feet, watching Kayla's expression carefully, "They are grateful to you. We all are. After all, you did save our tsahik's life."

Both her ears and her tail perk up in attention, her eyes slowly following as her brows furrow in confusion, "What?"

"She claimed that you saved her against the Sky People at Three Brothers Rock. You took down another demon and their ikran without even thinking before you flew away."

Kayla's tail leisurely sways as she ponders this, thinking back to that battle, to all the times she had killed a Sky Person or a Recom. She remembered Thena had feasted on one's head when they crashed in the sky, and then there was one shooting into the water... was that the moment Rutxa spoke of? Did Kayla save Ronal's life? She couldn't recall if she saw the tsahik at that moment, everything going so fast and Kayla barely had time to react or else she might've found herself getting hurt or worse. It was difficult to remember any particular point she might have seen either Ronal or Tonowari during the battle, that is before they saved her from drowning and then brought her to Neteyam...

She stops that thought process before it could even begin, sucking in a quiet, sharp breath when another takes over. Was it possible that Ronal and Tonowari were only treating her differently like Rutxa claims? Because she saved Ronal's life? Because they were grateful? Most of the things the clan leaders said or did that made Kayla question their motives only happened after the battle. It couldn't have been a coincidence... could it? Maybe they didn't care for her like Norm and even Spider claimed... so then why didn't she feel relieved? Why did the bottom of her stomach feel like lead?

She swallowed thickly, her jaw visibly clenching as she stared down at the newly woven top, "The praise should go to my brother as Toruk Makto."

Ruxta snorts through their nose, the sound bouncing through Kayla's ears, "Believe me, the whole village is aware of the demanded respect between Toruk Makto and his sister."

"I doubt it," Kayla muttered, "When I hear the village whisper about us, they call us Vrrtep Mesmuk."

"Ah, yes," they hum thoughtfully, "I can understand how that would be seen as an insult. And perhaps it was at the start, but not for some time. After we fought the Sky People with you and your brother by our side, many Metkayina now use your title as a sign of respect. We are honored to have fought beside Vrrtep Mesmuk, and we hope to spread stories of you and your brother to other clans as well. Your brother is Toruk Makto after all, and the story of Toruk Makto is meant to bring all Na'vi together in times of war or sorrow."

Kayla wasn't entirely convinced by this change in behavior, but it was a comforting thought to think, if only for a moment, that the Metkayina were starting to grow and respect her family for who they were and not just what they represented. At the very least... Rutxa didn't seem like the type of person who cared whether or not she was some sort of demon possessing a deformed body, 

"I'm almost afraid to ask what kind of stories you plan on sharing."

Ruxta puffs out their chest, voice playful, "I will have you know I am an excellent storyteller. I was already weaving the tale of a dreamwalker who flew back to our village after a large, victorious battle with a demon child in her arms."

The smile that once threatened to make an appearance falls as Kayla is quick to defend the demon child in question, "That child's name is Spider."

Rutxa catches the tone of her voice and eyes her carefully, "That is an odd name for a child."

She wasn't expecting that response, and it surprised a small laugh out of her, "It's not a conventional name among my kind either, but it's the one he chose and the only name I need to know."

A small wave of understanding flows between the pair, a recognition of respect shining in Rutxa's eyes as they smirk gently, "From what I hear about the Sky People, they are not very understanding of culture outside of their own. I am pleased to see that not all Sky People are like that."

"No," she agreed with a warm smile, "Not all."

~~~~~~~~~

Despite coming to many revelations, only to be riddled with just as many questions, Kayla still found time to be with Ronal and Tonowari, just the three of them. Even though every bone in her body told her to refuse and avoid their presence, she found that her feet were still walking in the direction that Tonowari had instructed her to meet them after their evening meal.

She tried to come up with excuses in her head as to why they wanted her to join them at night. Perhaps it was under the guise that all three of them had been extremely busy ever since Kayla and Spider returned, but that still didn't make her feel better, knowing that to want to spend time with her meant that they cared for her in some way shape, or form. And even though she logically didn't want that... she couldn't ignore certain other parts of her that were seemingly devoid of logic. Parts of her wanted to believe that they wanted her around for something besides gratitude, besides wanting to keep an eye on her or wanting her to do her part and not be useless to their village.

She finds them standing along the beach where they told her to meet them, their toes dipped into the bioluminescent sand, creating a rippling galaxy beneath their very feet. Kayla can't help but think of the Milky Way, a long line of clustered stars lining the island where the sand meets the ocean. Ronal and Tonowari stood at the center of the cluster of stars, immovable planets that demand others to revolve around them, and in a way, Kayla found herself doing just that, moving toward them like an unforeseen gravity pulling her in. 

Tonowari was watching her approach while Ronal was looking up at the sky, watching that familiar, beautiful gas giant with the large crater glaring down at them. Kayla was now standing close enough where she could count the tattoos on both of their faces, so she stopped, deciding that this would have to be close enough, a few feet away, just out of arm's reach. It was for the better.

Tonowari watched as Kayla peered up into the sky, watching the same gas giant as Ronal before the chief spoke up, "It is Naranawm. 'Great Eye.'"

Kayla hummed in understanding, "My people call it Polyphemus, named after a cyclops."

Both pairs of Metkayina eyes are now trained on her, Kayla's ears tucking close to her head out of embarrassment while she shyly explains herself, "It's uh... it's a mythological creature from my homeworld. The Cyclops is a man-eating giant with only one eye at the center of its face." 

"That is barbaric." Ronal simply states with a scrunched nose.

A breath of a laugh escapes Kayla, "And yet, you guys have man-eating creatures here that are considered the stuff of nightmares where I'm from. Polyphemus was one of the pretty popular in one or two stories. His father was the god of the sea-- or something like that."

"God of the sea?" Tonowari tilts his head with interest.

Kayla nods, deciding that it would be inappropriate to share how she imagined Poseidon to look like Tonowari if such a benevolent god existed, "Yeah. Um... depending on what part of Earth you lived on, your faith in certain deities varies. Polyphemus stems from Greek mythology and the Greeks believed in multiple gods, Poseidon being one of them. He was the god of the sea."

"What deity did your part of the world believe in?"

"One god, like Eywa..." Kayla shivered at distant memories of religious trauma, "Only the Great Mother tends to sound kinder."

~~~~~~~~~

Another night, another moment of silent contempt between them. Kayla walked away from that night feeling both lighter and full of anxiety. She almost wanted to demand exactly what Ronal and Tonowari wanted from her, but at the same, they appeared content with the way things are right now, and maybe that was enough for her, too. Then again, she was confusing and frustrating herself with trying to figure out the clan leaders' motives. Wanting to try and distract herself from her rampaging thoughts, she decides to keep herself busy.

By the end of the week, Kayla finds herself barely resting apart from at night. She found time with Ronal by helping her gather any healing or cooking ingredients from high up in the trees where the tsahik would have normally struggled to grab herself. Other times, she was helping Ao'nung and Tonowari hunt and fish. When she wasn't doing that, she was helping both the tsahik and the olo'eyktan with weaving fishing nets, descaling their catches, or carving out a new canoe. Tasks like this usually left a healthy sheen of sweat on her skin, and whether she realized it or not, Ronal and Tonowari's eyes lingered on her even longer during these moments. Kayla would've thought her body was heating up under their gaze if it wasn't for the fact her body was already warm from a hard day's work.

While it's not much of a chore, Kayla still finds herself busy in Tsireya's presence, the reef girl always constantly dragging her around for certain things, like deep diving with Lo'ak or hunting for the most perfect shells with Tuk and Kiri. Sometimes, it was to even help her teach Spider the way of water. While he couldn't learn very much without the use of a kuru, Tsireya still thought it would be important for him to learn how to hold his breath as long as a Metkayina, in case of emergencies where he might lose his mask and didn't have a spare. Kayla strongly agreed with this sentiment and was honestly touched by Tsireya's thoughtfulness. 

Spider was a little amused and even bravely teased Tsireya, asking her if she was worried about him, to which she smiled and lightheartedly smacked him upside the head, driving Kayla into small, fond fits of laughter.

When she wasn't busy with all of those things, she found herself in the presence of at least half a dozen children, children who were eager to learn common English.

She wasn't sure how she got pulled into being a teacher, but once Jake caught wind of it, he was also supportive of the idea. Both he and Kayla silently agree that, after what the children had all been through as of late, it might be important for them to know certain Earth customs, writing, and language. While the Sully children are already bilingual -multilingual now that they have the Metkayina's sign language and tulkun speak under their belt- they do not know how to write the language of the Sky People and the reef children who befriended them even less so. The Sully children, Spider, Ao'nung, Tsireya, and Rotxo had all come to a silent agreement that they wanted Kayla to teach them, and while she wasn't sure why, she didn't want to disappoint them.

Spider found himself being her assistant since he already knew how to read and write, giving helpful advice and even translating some of the things Kayla said as some of the information was hard to initially grasp in fluent Na'vi. The Sully children were able to understand, but when it came to the reef children, let's just say they were grateful Spider was better at speaking Na'vi than Kayla.

While she suspected who taught Spider how to read and write, she didn't want to ask, knowing it was likely a touchy subject to him. She discovers fairly quickly that there's still one too many things the teenager refuses to talk about, and while she was fine with that and respected his boundaries, there were times when her curiosity nearly got the best of her. Nearly.

There are times when she remembers how much this kid has gone through in his short sixteen years of life, it makes her head spin. Other times, she remembers that he's still just a kid, like one particular afternoon as Kayla and Spider were outside of their marui and making their first fishnet together. 

"Spider."

He looks up at his name, surprised when he realizes who it was that called to him. Ronal was staring expectedly at him, and behind her was Tonowari, a tall and strong pillar of strength, holding a familiar weapon in his hand that looked far too small for the olo'eyktan. However, it was the perfect size for Spider.

The teenager finds himself standing to his full height and hesitantly stepping toward the clan leaders, his eyes widening at the sight of a beautifully made bow, already strung and adorning lovely feathers and leather grip, "Is that...?"

Tonowari smiles solemnly, bending down to Spider's height and passing the bow along to him, "For you. We hope it is to your liking."

Kayla felt the soft hint of a smile beginning to form on her lips as she watched Spider take the long bow from Tonowari as if it were a precious child or an injured animal. Spider's hands immediately moved to test the strength of the weapon, fingers gliding across the fine craftsmanship before his eyes peered up at the Metkayina clan leaders, unable to stop the doubt and suspicion in his gaze, 

"You made this for me?"

Ronal's expression remains neutral, calculating, ever the one to point out the obvious, "You needed one."

And Tonowari is always the one to soften her bold statements, "We wanted to make it right and to your size."

"So we had Neytiri help us," Ronal finished.

Both Kayla and Spider visibly stiffen at this bit of information, both adult and teenager frowning with even more suspicion than before, much to the clan leaders' internal distress since that was not their intent. Ronal, despite her audaciousness, wasn't trying to upset either of them and hoped that she didn't say anything wrong. The tsahik was constantly at war in her mind, reminding herself to stay open-minded about other sawtute if she wanted Kayla and Spider to be a part of her family's lives, but it was difficult to keep her mind open when the dead image of Ro'a and her baby was stitched permanently in her memory. 

Despite her conflicted emotions, she didn't want Spider or even Kayla to believe she was disgusted by them. Quite the opposite. In fact, whenever she looked at them, she would sometimes forget they were both human. It was easier to forget when Kayla possessed the body of a Na'vi, but with Spider, he held himself like one, despite being cursed in the body he was born in. Ronal couldn't fault a child for that, least of all Spider. Nevertheless, Ronal was tsahik, and her expertise lies with Eywa. Even if Ronal had some doubt about Kayla and the child she was responsible for, which she no longer possessed, Eywa clearly saw something in them that she didn't yet. 

Spider's next words were more of a statement than a question, "She helped you."

"Yes," Ronal nodded, trying to calm whatever doubt was clearly evident in the child's eyes, "She is an expert at archery. A skilled warrior. We thought she could help us make this for you."

"Yeah..."  He stares down at his new bow, though his mind is far away, back over the ocean and somewhere in the forest. He was thinking about all the times he was a kid, practicing his archery skills, away from prying eyes, wanting to be the best... wanting to be like Neytiri. Back then, he really thought she would accept him if he strived to be like her. After some time, as he grew up, he started to realize that she would never accept him, but that didn't stop him from being very skilled with a bow. He was easily the most skilled with it out of every human currently living on Pandora, and while he no longer strived to impress Neytiri, he had taken the bow as his own, not wanting his true talent to go to waste. 

He thought he had lost that talent when he lost his bow, and he even voiced how much he missed it when Kayla had brought him to speak to the clan leaders all those weeks ago. As he inspected the one now secured in his hands, he couldn't help but feel touched that Ronal and Tonowari remembered something he said once in passing. 

Instead of voicing his thoughts, Spider looked up at Ronal and Tonowari, gratitude evident in his smile, "Irayo. This... this is amazing. I appreciate it." 

Regardless of how she felt toward Neytiri, Kayla also felt herself smiling in gratitude, making sure to look directly at both Ronal and Tonowari so they knew it, too. 

~~~~~~~~~

One must enjoy the little things in life.

Kayla remembers that phrase from somewhere back on Earth, and it sticks to the front of her mind as she's teaching her nieces, nephews, and their friends how to spell their names in the English alphabet. A task she once found tedious when she was a child was now a bright and shining moment she could witness in other children. 

Although if she were to voice how much she regretted not enjoying how to spell her own name as a kid, Jake would've reminded her that her teacher was awful and the bastard forced her to use her right hand to spell her name even when she was more comfortable using her left. Her learning experiences were vastly different from what Lo'ak, Kiri, Tuk, and their friends were used to, and Kayla wanted to keep it that way.

She tries to enjoy the little things in life, like the way Ronal looks while watching her teach. The tsahik was standing just outside the entryway of Kayla's pod, silent to not interrupt, only to observe. Kayla didn't want to believe Ronal was chaperoning her but was just curious as to what all the fuss was about.

Kayla wasn't far off. Ronal has been subjected to Tsireya's ramblings every evening, gushing over how fun it is to learn a new language. Ao'nung isn't as expressive, and yet, he still keeps disappearing to Kayla's kelku with the rest of the children when it's time to learn. Even Tonowari has gone to see what's so interesting about Kayla's lessons, and when he came back the night before, he expressed how intriguing it was and urged Ronal to see for herself.

She had failed to see what her mate found intriguing about these lessons. All Kayla did was have the children repeat everything she said and then ask them to write her lessons down to prove that they had been paying attention. However, the mood shifts when Kayla goes to each child and helps them spell out each of their own, personal names, using a tawtute device she calls a datapad. Everyone appeared excited to use what they learned to see their own name on a screen, and while Ronal didn't understand why, she didn't verbally complain. Regardless of how she felt, it clearly made Makayla happy, her lips almost permanently smiling as she watched every child's reaction when they spelled their name right. 

Once Kayla dismissed the kids for the day to do their afternoon chores, it left her and Ronal alone in her marui, and before Kayla could ask what the other woman was thinking, she already had a question in mind, "Why teach them?"

Kayla tilts her head, curious, "What do you mean?"

"Why do they need to write stories and history when we already express our stories and history through our songcords?"

"It's... it's a little different," she found herself sputtering for the best way to explain, ears darkening a shade as she tried to find her words, "I mean-- well, I guess for Sky People, writing our names is like having a songcord. Every person's handwriting is unique. It's personal. It's their identity."

While Ronal stands there, unconvinced, Kayla is still smiling and hellbent on showing the other woman what she means, "Here, just-- Let me show you." 

She presents the datapad, and Ronal frowns at the sight of the alien device. Kayla writes something on the screen and beams when showing it to her, "This is what my name looks like written in English."

Not that Ronal could read exactly what was written on the screen, but the thought of Makayla's name scrawled in soft swirls and sharp edges intrigued her. Ronal stared at the screen, tilting her head with interest. The image was long, the shapes toward the end growing smaller as if Kayla realized she was running out of space. 

Kayla smiled when she recognized the interest floating in Ronal's eyes, "Can I write your name?"

The tsahik nods once and Kayla turns the datapad back on herself as her finger presses down and erases her name, scrawling down another image -another name- and flipping it back over to show to Ronal. Again, the Na'vi woman couldn't read it, but since she knew it was meant to be her name, she understood why it felt so meaningful to Kayla that she wanted to teach the children how to do the same. Ronal could finally see the appeal, especially since it was Kayla's hand that wrote out Ronal's name. It gave the name a whole new meaning to the tsahik to have it be written by the other woman's finger. 

"Just yesterday, Lo'ak asked me to show him how to spell and write Neteyam's name so he could carve it into a bracelet he intends to make," the mood shifts to something dire and sad, Kayla's smile less bright than before as she quietly explained, "That's why I wanted the other kids to learn. It's just nice to have your own identity written out like this. Where I'm from, people often get tattoos of their loved ones' names when they die."

That image wasn't as impossible to imagine as others. Perhaps it was because she had tattoos of her own, but Ronal could understand why the Sky People would ink their skin with the names of their lost loved ones. It was different compared to why the Metkayina bore tattoos, but it was just as important nevertheless. 

She studied Kayla's face carefully, wondering what she would look like if she bore Metkayina tattoos-- or wore her hair the way Metkayina women would. The thought brings the tsahik to study Kayla's hair, her mouth, once again, saying the first thing that comes to mind without really even thinking about it, 

"Your braids need to be redone."

"Yeah?" Kayla's sad spell is broken as she reaches up to feel the top of her head, feeling the roots that have grown out, unbraided compared to the rest of her locks. A sheepish smile falls across her lips, "I guess it's been a while."

A split-second decision was made as Ronal moved away to kneel down near the entrance of the marui, waving her hand at the space in front of her, "Come. Sit."

Kayla exhales a quiet huff, lips quirked out of amusement as she sets her datapad down and moves to join Ronal, sitting cross-legged in front of the Na'vi woman and dutifully staying still as she feels larger fingers begin unraveling all of her old, unkempt braids. Ronal's hands were rough and straightforward, making Kayla bite her tongue to refrain from yelping out of pain. Ronal only tsked at her when she noticed Kayla's hands gripping onto her own knees to restrain herself, berating the avatar woman for not keeping up with treating her hair properly. Had she done so, this wouldn't be an issue. Kayla had to scoff at the irony of that, and had she been able to see behind her head, she would've caught Ronal smiling. 

Ronal undoes the braids and removes all the beads hidden within. Without a proper comb or a way to soften Kayla's hair, Ronal used her tsahik knife, whittled to a pointed tip and protected by the shell adornment she often kept around her neck. She uses the pointed tip as a comb pick, unknotting the roughest spots in Kayla's long hair, being careful around her ears and kuru. 

The sight of the tswin braid entices Ronal, hands pausing around the base of Kayla's skull, fingers still threaded in the other woman's hair. Ronal eyes the large, singular braid for a long moment before continuing her work, but any time her fingers gently graze the sensitive appendage, she revels the sight of Kayla's skin rising in small, soft bumps. 

Kayla did her best to stay still, keeping her back ramrod straight in an attempt to restrain the shiver she felt going up her spine each time Ronal's fingers passed over her kuru. Kayla wasn't an idiot. She knows how sensitive that spot is for all Na'vi and how important it is for their way of life. Still, she hadn't initially thought about it when Ronal instructed her to sit down as she did her hair. Had she thought it through, Kayla might not have agreed, knowing how... serene and intimate it would feel to have the other woman redo her hair, to trust her to be careful around a very sensitive spot. 

It appears Eywa intends to torture Kayla to no end today as a shadow looms over the entry of her kelku. Tonowari peers inside, stopping by in search of his mate once he had noticed all the children have left their lessons, and evidently found something better. He found Kayla as she sat perfectly still, cross-legged, with his mate kneeling behind her, Ronal hovering over the back of her head as the tsahik focused on braiding groups of her hair, one small lock at a time.

As the olo'eyktan stepped into the pod, Kayla realized just how much space he took up in her small home. To Spider, this place was like a studio apartment. For Tonowari, it was more like a walk-in closet. 

"Perhaps I can be of help?" Tonowari offered brazenly.

Ronal huffs out through her nose, amused, "It would certainly get the job done faster."

Kayla hummed a tiny laugh, caught in the middle of the pair's playful banter, quite literally as Tonowari took a knee in front of her, leaning down awfully close to her as his hands reached for one side of Kayla's head. She sucks in a sharp, silent breath as she stays still for the clan leaders, Tonowari's hands easily the same size as her whole skull. As if knowing the intimidating size difference, Tonowari was careful with his large hands as he gently pulled and weaved the locks of her hair into small and tight braids. Using the beads Ronal initially took out of Kayla's hair, they return the small adornments to their rightful place, settling more comfortably in the woven locks that put Kayla's human hair to shame.

When Kayla was alone with Ronal, it was easy to hide how flustered she felt since she was facing away from the other woman, able to hide her face. Now, she was forced to notice the heat of both Ronal's and Tonowari's bodies, radiating on her back and her front, essentially trapping her as they silently worked on her hair as a team. She envied their teamwork but was enraptured by it at the same time, something warm in her belly making itself known as the thought of them working together to help her came to mind.

"Thank you." 

Her voice felt so small in such a quiet, peaceful moment, unsure of where that gentle tone came from. She cleared her throat out of embarrassment while Tonowari pinned her down with a sweet, gentle smile,

"It is our pleasure."

She doesn't miss the heaviness of those words, whilst simultaneously feeling both of their breaths and bodies so close to hers as they braid her hair. Kayla could feel Ronal's knees pressed against her lower back while one of Tonowari's knees was pressed up against the outside of her thigh. Kayla has to purposely keep her tail wrapped around her own arm in fear that the appendage will betray her and reach out to them. To try and break the silence that lingered far past comfort, she opens her mouth and says the first thing that comes to mind,

"The last time my hair was braided was by Kiri and Tuk. They were trying to teach me how to properly do it myself while also sharing... a very detailed story of how their parents first mated." She snorts sharply.

Ronal hummed quietly to acknowledge her small story, the tsahik's breath gently ghosting small wisps of Kayla's hair as she spoke, "You sound as though the topic made you uncomfortable."

Kayla's nose scrunches up, "I don't know anyone who would want to hear about their brother's nocturnal activities."

"But the topic itself?"

"Uh..." 

'Ah, Hell,' was the first thought that came to mind when she realized the type of topic she roped herself into, a topic she would rather share with almost anyone except the two large Na'vi practically trapping her between their bodies, "Sky People don't really talk so casually about that sort of thing."

Tonowari's eyes briefly glance down at her before returning to her hair, "Really?"

"I mean, the ones I hang out with are not as private. Soldiers are often crude that way, but back home it's considered too... gaudy? It's mostly talked about behind closed doors or with people you can trust, but not flat-out strangers. Unless that excites them, I guess. I don't know, everyone's different. But society as a whole back on Earth doesn't like talking about it in public."

Ronal's eyes meet her husband's for a long while, both of their hands simultaneously pausing in Kayla's hair, making her ears straighten in alertness. She was starting to wonder if she had said something wrong before Ronal's hands began to move once more, in sync with her own response, "The Na'vi believe that it is our sworn duty to share and teach just like everything else. We do not shy away from such discussions because we want our children to learn how to be careful and well-informed early on. To give them such responsibility at a young age tends to make them blossom into more mature, respectful adults."

"Huh," Kayla exclaims, mostly to herself, "That explains why Tuk didn't seem shy at all when she talked about it. Any child her age back on Earth would've been mortified."

Tonowari chuckled, finishing one braid before moving on to another clump of her hair, "The more you speak, the more you make sense to us, Makayla te Suli."

"... That sounds like it had two different meanings."

The olo'eyktan makes a deep noise in the back of his throat, eyes meeting Ronal's over the top of Kayla's head, "When you speak about how children are brought up among the Sky People, the more I understand why you do not react the way normal Na'vi do when presented with songcord beads, clothes, and other gifts."

She tries to smile hopefully, but her eyebrows scrunch together with uncertainty, "Is that... a bad thing?"

"No," he shakes his head with a fond, reassuring smile, "It just means we need to be more blunt."

Her stomach flips as though she is freediving from her ikran, her tail briefly twitching in her lap to show off her anxiety before she manages to pull it back under control. She swallowed thickly when her throat suddenly felt dry, her eyes darting away from Tonowari's before they could express something they shouldn't.

Ronal's voice was closer than before, the hairs on the back of Kayla's neck standing up when she felt the other woman breathe directly into her ear, "Do you wish to muntxa si, Makayla?"

She wanted to shy away from Ronal, to raise her shoulder up and pull her head down when the tsahik's close proximity proved to be too much for her nerves to handle. Both clan leaders have completely stopped braiding and have pulled their hands out of her hair, but didn't return their touch to themselves. Instead, their fingers lingered on Kayla, either brushing lightly over her shoulders and knees, places that they deemed respectful enough not to scare her away. When Kayla tries to take a deep breath in, she is suddenly aware of their scents, mixed together as one, invading her nose. She decided that she needed to breathe less, or else she'd go dizzy.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember what that means." Yes, she does, but she thought it almost sounded like a dream. She needed to outright hear it.

Ronal's amusement was evident in her voice even though Kayla couldn't see her, "Do you wish to mate?"

Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth even as she managed to pull through a proper response without giving too much of her inner thoughts away, "I don't think that's on the table for me anytime soon. Or ever."

"Why?"

"Why would it?"

"It could be. If you feel the same for us as we do for you."

"... What?" Kayla now looks directly over her shoulder, regretting it when her nose gently brushed against Ronal's, not realizing just how close the other woman sat behind her. Ronal's hairless brow rises expectedly, eyes shining with mirth and a certain youth Kayla has never seen in her before. For a moment, it reminded her of a giddy Tsireya.

Tonowari was not so easily forgotten either, one of his hands absently brushing some of the new braids over Kayla's shoulder, lingering at the juncture of her neck, causing more goosebumps to rise in his wake as she did her best not to shiver. 

It felt as though her mind was running through a hundred thoughts per minute, that fatal organ in her chest betraying any sort of logical thinking trying to make its way into her brain. While Kayla may have looked composed -and a little surprised- on the outside, the inside was riddled with inner turmoil, parts of her body trying to fight for dominance in a nauseating dance. Parts of her blew up like fireworks, overjoyed and celebratory, while the rest of her was filled with anxiety, doubt, and the most unimaginable fear. She wanted to dispute Ronal's words; wanting to refuse and say she did not feel the same, no matter how painful it would be to lie. In her head, Kayla knew it would be for the best. She couldn't be involved with them-- involved in their beautiful lives and slice of paradise, no matter how badly she wanted to.

She wished she could bolt, but realized that these clan leaders were smart, purposely keeping her hostage under their undivided attention to her hair braids and beads, trapping her here underneath their eyes and their words.

"You must have noticed our attempt to court you," Tonowari stated with a knowing expression.

She thinly smiled before it quickly faded, as well as her eagerness to refuse them, "I have, but... I didn't want to assume. You told me to not come off as useless when we first met, so I just... I've just been trying my best to help you both out any way I can so that I'm doing my part for the village. I guess I assumed that you've had me helping you so you could keep an eye on me. "

Tonowari winced, regretting the words he spoke when they first met, knowing that it likely played into why Kayla wasn't as open to his and Ronal's courting, "You are vital to our village now, Makayla. You help this clan flourish and thrive through your kindness and determination. These are traits we admire about you, and it's why we always seek out your company. Not because we think you are useless and need a helping hand." 

"But... I am not Metkayina. I am not even Omatikaya. You can deny it all you want, but I'm still one of the Sky People, a dreamwalker," she scoffs with a small look of disdain as she stares off to the side, "No one in their right mind would want to start a family with a demon."

Tonowari tilts his head, "Are you saying Neytiri te Tskaha Mo'at'ite is not of sound mind?"

"That's different," Kayla waves him off, "Jake is different. Jake fully completed his Iknimaya. He passed through the Eye of Eywa and returned, born again in his Na'vi body. He... He can't even be considered a dreamwalker anymore. He buried his demon body a long time ago. I'm not like Jake. I'm still tied to my demon form and my old way of life, a life I don't plan on trying to forget as easily as my brother. My people hate your people."

She then looks back over her shoulder at Ronal, "Up until recently, you hated my people."

"I still do," Ronal corrects, immediately softening her words when she notices shame flash over Kayla's eyes, "But I don't look at you and see the Sky People. I look at you and see Makayla te Suli tsmuke te Toruk Makto. You fought beside us to protect our children. You saved my life. You learned our ways. Your nephew lies with our ancestors. In the Eye of Eywa, you are now Her daughter, even if you still walk Her breast in a demon body."

Kayla's denial was stubborn and eager as she vehemently shook her head with defiance, "My demon body is why you shouldn't choose me as your mate, among so many other things. Unless you're ready to understand my way of life, I don't want to burden you with it. Try to remember that I can't always be here. I'll have to leave sometimes, and it could be weeks on end. It would be difficult being with me." 

Her head movement stops the moment a hand the size of her skull gently rises and slips into place, resting on the side of her head. Kayla's eyes widened as Tonowari softly moved her head so that her gaze landed on his, silencing all of her rambling thoughts as she got lost in the blue oceans of his eyes. While he wasn't smiling, he was being genuine, showing his sincerity by speaking as clearly as he possibly could, his booming voice rattling in her head, "The best things in life are usually difficult, but that's why they are so rewarding."

Both of Ronal's hands move to rest on both of Kayla's shoulders now that the avatar's breath is taken away, unable to respond, "If you do not wish for us to pursue you, just say the word, and we'll stop."

That was surprising to Kayla and it got her voice to return, ears moving in all directions out of shock, "Really?"

"Yes," Tonowari assured with a stiff nod, "We would never force you to mate with us, knowing that once you do, it would be for life. But do not try to stop us if you're worried that we would only See a part of you, not all of you. We want to know you better, to understand the world you come from and how you came to be the woman you are today. We have discussed this in detail, and we agree that you are worth many obstacles that will no doubt be in our way."

At the mention of obstacles, a thought crossed her mind, "And that includes Spider, right?"

"Of course it does." He says this confidently, without hesitation.

"Does it?" Her own doubt is replaced with a small barrier of protection, eager to shield the child in her care as she finds herself sternly looking between the two clan leaders, "Because I don't want you to pretend and treat him normally if all you're going to see is a demon child. If you only pretend to See him just to be with me, then I can't accept this. He's my responsibility, and I intend on always putting the kid first from now on."

"We know..." Kayla's spine stiffened, not because of Ronal's words, but because of the tsahik's hand slowly running a soft, barely-there line down her back with the very tips of her fingers, "And we admire you for that. We want Spider in our lives as well."

Tonowari nods in agreement, "The boy is loyal to those who choose to love him and not to those who are simply related to him. He earns his respect and his place here in our village. He is also a child who deserves a family to properly care for him. The Na'vi don't believe in letting children fend for themselves. Even when they have no one left to care for them, the village as a whole makes sure that the child grows up loved. Spider should have been properly adopted by members of the Omatikaya clan ages ago."

"No kidding," Kayla muttered under her breath, a pang of anger beating in her chest, directed at everyone who wronged such a spirited, kind child. 

But just like that, those thoughts went away, expunged from her mind at the faint touch of Ronal's hand moving down Kayla's arm. Kayla's fingers twitched with anticipation, but she didn't dare move even as Ronal's fingers slowly entwined with hers. Ronal's fingers move with precision and determination, hooking her smallest finger with Kayla's pinky, the strange extra finger that once disgusted her. Kayla tried to stay perfectly still while the tsahik's voice was still rough in her ear, "If you feel the same for us as we do for you, then say you will perform tsaheylu with us instead of trying to spare us from something you think is not worth fighting for. If you want to say no, then do so for the right reasons."

Kayla sucks in a sharp breath of air before shakily exhaling it out, trying to calm her racing heart. While their reassurances were nice to hear, there was still a sliver of doubt wedged in the back of her mind, smaller than before but still loud, not wanting to be ignored. It reminded her of all her insecurities and hardships that she still needed to work through, and despite Ronal and Tonowari's words, her doubt tried to beat her down and say that they would never be with her every step of the way. Deep down, she will never be one of them, so even if they stayed by her side... it won't be for long because, in the end, everyone always leaves her. 

At the same time, her heart was screaming at her to say yes; to agree to everything they were saying because it's obviously all that she wants and more. A family. She never thought she'd gain such a thing by agreeing to learn the ways of the Na'vi. Then again... she didn't think she'd gain anything when she started learning the ways of the Na'vi, and yet here she was, owing it all to her new way of life for what the Metkayina clan leaders were offering her. 

In the end, the Na'vi are precisely why she gave her answer as she took a deep breath, "I feel the same. I do. I feel the same for both of you... but I'm not ready. I want to do this right. I want to take this slow. I know I'm asking a lot... with the war coming and your baby on the way. But I want to officially become true Na'vi before anything else. I still haven't completed my Iknimaya. Every person is born twice, right? I have yet to be born a second time; to earn my place among the People forever. Tradition states that only then will I be able to choose a mate, right? You want to learn my ways, but I also want to learn yours. I want to do this right. Let me do this right." 

They sat and listened to her, and in the end, wide smiles graced both of their faces. Neither of them appeared disappointed by Kayla's answer. In fact, they almost looked proud of her decision, the expressions on both of their faces would've easily made her knees weak had she been standing.

Ronal's hand squeezes hers, "We accept your terms, Makayla."

"Nothing would make us happier," Tonowari's hand moves, Kayla's ear flicking in the direction of the hand in question but otherwise doesn't acknowledge it. His hand slides off the side of her face, and while her skin now feels cool from where he once was, his fingers trail down the side of her neck and down her shoulder before gently grasping her arm, where his palm immediately warms up her skin once more. Kayla watched his face carefully, noting the way his eyes seemed to scan over her figure, causing a pleasant shiver to run up her spine, her heart giving no indication of slowing down. Finally, Tonowari's deep ocean eyes find her honey-colored ones, and she felt as though she was being sucked into the void as those same eyes started to inch closer and closer.

"May I?"

The breath he lets out with his question brushes over Kayla's chin, her mouth parting slightly as she tries to gain more air to slow her heart rate down. She didn't mean for her eyelashes to flutter, but she definitely caught Tonowari shamelessly watching the act and decided she wasn't ashamed either. She nods once, unable to form a word as he leans closer until she knows that the air she's breathing is his as well. Instinctively, she closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

Her left ear twitched when Tonowari leaned into the side of her face with his, gently rubbing them together as he loudly inhaled a slow, long strain of air through his nose. Kayla opened her eyes, frowning out of curiosity. At first, she thought he was leaning in to kiss her, but it wasn't until Ronal had moved her newly braided hair off her shoulder and started to do the same to the right side of her face that something in her brain finally clicked. 

Her nose was bombarded with a mixture of smells now beginning to seep into her skin-- their scents, blended together and with hers, as the way it should be. Kayla felt dizzy, as though their scenting had some sort of drugging effect, but in a desirable way that made her feel high, proud to be branded by these two beautiful Na'vi.

She almost lost her resolve then and there, wanting to forget what she said about waiting, but she managed to push through. Always resilient, but no longer when it came to her future mated pair.

A/N:

Jake: Don't judge my parenting until you become a parent yourself.

Kayla, about to adopt Spider, Ao'nung, Tsireya, and their unborn sibling: 'Aight. Bet.

#tsamsiyu ta'em fic #atwow fics #atwow fic #atwow fanfic #atwow fanfiction #tonowari x oc x ronal #tonowari #tonowari x ronal x oc #tonowari x ronal #ronal x tonowari #ronal #ronal x tonowari x oc #ronal x oc x tonowari #tonowari x oc #ronal x oc #adopted spider #adopted spider socorro #spider socorro

[try-set-me-on-fire]

I have been crying on and off about that Tommy MCD fic idea since you posted about it. The way you write emotional devastation is soooo good. It always punches me in the gut.

Thank you thank you here’s some more of it… using this as my fuck it Friday post, thanks for the tag @eddiebabygirldiaz, tagging @colonoscopys @homerforsure @chronicowboy @shitouttabuck @bigfootsmom @daffi-990 @butchdiaz @ anyone else who has stuff they want to share!

Going to put a lot of this under a cut because one its long two it’s a major character death au and there’s a bit about past contemplation of suicide. But it’s kind of happy generally I swear! This is Buck and Eddie getting together sort of!

For more of this au I’ve been tagging it ‘the seconds ticking killed us all a million years before the fall’ (lyrics from standing outside a broken phone booth with money in my hand)

I’ve hated and thought this scene was pretty good in turns over the last few hours so whatever here you go!

Eddie thinks the creaking on the front porch might be a raccoon, at first. It’s light, comes and goes for several minutes. He should probably go shoo it away, but it’s two am and he’s sore all over and can’t be damned. He’s settling further into the couch and his various ice packs when the raccoon knocks. Hesitant, hesitant, loud, loud, louder. Eddie stands up with only a slight groan, ice packs flopping all over the place, and goes to the door.

Buck stands on the other side of it.

If Eddie hadn’t been so exhausted yet in too much pain to fall asleep, he thinks he might have expected this. If he was a little more exhausted, a little more hurt, he might have admitted to hoping for it. As it is, all he can do for a moment is blink at the apparition before him. Buck is pale, wild eyed, looking somehow thinner than when they’d last seen each other not that many hours ago. His hands come up to hover near Eddie’s shoulders as Eddie is also reaching out, so he ends up with his fingers colliding into an awkward fist against Buck’s elbow.

“Eddie.” He sounds wrecked. “I’m- I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s alright,” Eddie says, soft, shaking his head. “I’m okay, Buck. I’m still okay. Like I promised.”

Buck makes a terrible little noise and steps backward, and again, off the porch. Eddie follows, hands out, trying to make sure he won’t trip. “Eddie,” he says again, “Eddie.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie says, keeping his voice low, calming, less likely to wake any neighbors. “Buck, it’s okay. Do you want to come inside?”

Buck looks up behind Eddie, where the door is wide open. Light spills through, shining in his eyes, in the unshed tears there. “I don’t want to… waste… any time I have.”

“What-”

Buck kisses him. The sound Eddie makes is more frightened than anything, even as his arms come up around Buck, to hold him close, to hold him up. It’s not- it’s wet, and Buck’s fingers almost hurt where they’re dug into the sides of Eddie’s head. Their faces are pressed too hard together, noses crushed into cheeks. Their lips are barely even aligned. Buck gasps a hitching breath into his mouth and Eddie pulls back. Not away, just enough to speak.

“Come inside,” he pleads. “Buck, come inside, just- please, come inside.”

Buck doesn’t let go of him, doesn’t give him an inch, but lets Eddie pull him into the house. Eddie’s not sure how he manages not to trip going blind and backwards, but they make it through the door, down the hall, to the living room. Eddie’s not even sure if he’d count what’s happening as kissing, but Buck’s mouth presses into his over and over as they go.

“It’s okay,” Eddie says, between the moments of contact. “It’s okay,” he says as he kicks a shoe or something out of their path, “It’s okay,” as sits back down on the couch. Buck climbs on top of him immediately, and Eddie hopes the combined weight of them doesn’t pop the ice pack that ended up crushed under his thigh. It is kissing, now, the desperate kind of making out Eddie remembers with Shannon in the day or two on either side of his deployments. Eddie slides his hands to rest firm against Buck’s lower back to anchor him — or maybe both of them — and follows Buck’s lead as their lips slide together, as Buck gets his mouth open and chases his tongue, as they gasp raggedly for air without ever breaking apart. He’s not sure, but he thinks Buck is crying. Eddie isn’t, barely. Buck needs someone solid right now, someone who will let him take what he needs and be okay if this is it, if this is the only time they have this. Because Eddie’s not fooling himself. He laid there at the bottom of that pit under all that rubble and heard Buck’s scream, first wordless, and then Tommy, and then Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. He knows that this might all be too much, too soon, too mixed up, and if Buck pulls away from this kiss and never comes in for another one that’s okay. He wishes, maybe, that it could have happened different. He wishes Buck had been smiling, and it had been gentler, on a bright afternoon, on a good day. But it’s okay.

It goes until Buck’s elbow catches a bruise and Eddie can’t stop a small, pained sound from getting out. Buck jerks back like he touched a hot stove, eyes open to near circles as he looks Eddie all over. Eddie knows it's sort of a rough picture, all purple and blue and a fresh line of stitches cutting a half moon around his temple from forehead to just under his mole. Buck’s fingers come up to trace it, not quite touching the skin. Just the shape, in the air.

“S-sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so- I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie says again. He wipes a thumb under Buck’s eye, though it doesn’t do much to clear away the still falling tears. Buck leans into the touch, though, and then in further, head cradling against Eddie’s shoulder as he slides half off him onto the couch. Eddie slides his fingers into Buck’s hair, wraps his other arm around him as Buck coughs muffled little sobs into his t-shirt.

“S-sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Buck.” His hair feels a little limp, greasy. Eddie wonders if he went home at all, took a shower, ate. His own fridge is kind of dire — he was planning on going to the grocery store after work until a building collapsed on him — but he could probably scrounge up something. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I scared you.”

Buck scoffs a single, wet laugh. “No,” he says, voice thin, scrubbing at his face as he sits more upright. “It’s not- you didn’t do it on purpose. That’s the job, right?”

The job that killed your husband. Why would you want to do this a second time? I care for you so much and I’m so sorry you reciprocate. “Yeah. Still.”

Buck inhales and exhales, shaky, and nods in thanks. He makes a face and pulls another ice pack out from under him. It’s all floppy now, probably too warm to be effective. “God. Let me…” He stands, gathering up all the ice packs he can see and heading towards the kitchen.

“You don’t have to-”

“I’ll be just a minute.”

Eddie sighs, leaning back into the couch and listening to the freezer door open and its contents get shuffled around. The soft hiss of it shutting, Buck’s footsteps, Buck in the doorway sheepishly holding an armful of frozen vegetables. Eddie arranges peas and carrots over the worst sore spots as Buck sits back down beside him.

“Did you take anything?”

“Yeah, just before you got here.” Extra strength ibuprofen, so he won’t be good to take anything else until morning. Wasn’t going to be a problem when he thought he was just going to sleep, though he wishes he’d taken a smaller dose now so he could spread them out, time it better to however long they’ll be talking here.

“Good.” Buck sighs, looking at him with furrowed brows. “Sorry I… I didn’t mean to be so dramatic, coming here.”

Eddie laughs, startled and genuine. “It’s, uh, been a dramatic day.”

Buck hums agreement, a tired and beautiful smile pulling at his lips. He flops his head sideways onto the couch. “I kind of had a… an idea.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. Of what I was going to say. Because…” he searches Eddie's face. “I'm not- I'm not making it up, right? There's something here? You feel it too?”

Eddie can barely breathe. “Yeah, I- it's not just you. But- Buck, I understand why you wouldn't want to do this, why you wouldn't want to take the risk. I- I have feelings for you,” it feels like a childish way to say it even as the words leave his mouth, “But I… you're my friend. I think you're my best friend. And I am truly fine with that. You don’t have to… it’s okay.”

That smile. “That’s the thing. That’s what I’ve been thinking about. N-not just today. Though, I guess- you scaring the shit out of me made it more- more real.” He chews at his lip for a moment. “I… spend a lot of time wishing… that I had more of it, with Tommy. That we had longer together. Or at least that I- that I’d made sure every minute counted, you know? B-but I think maybe I did? I loved him so much and we- it was good, what we had. Just because it ended, that doesn’t mean the rest wasn’t worth it. I’d love him again, knowing what was coming. And, so…” he takes a deep breath. “So I’ve been thinking that… even if I… even if something bad could happen- I don’t want that to stop me from having something good, now.”

“Buck-”

“Hold on,” Buck says, a hand up, a wry smile. “I have a part two.”

“Okay.” Eddie’s turned towards him without really noticing, both of them sitting one leg folded up on the couch so their knees touch.

“I’m not… going to stop loving Tommy. And I’m, uh- kind of a fucking mess, as I just demonstrated. I don’t- know that I’m- going to be any less messy any time soon.” There’s a furrow in his brows that Eddie wants to smooth out. “I don’t know that starting something would be fair to you.”

“I-”

“You’re a very kind man, Eddie.” Buck says it very softly, and one of his hands comes to rest so gently on Eddie’s leg. “I think you’d let me fall apart here forever, but I want- I want you to really think if it’s worth it-”

“Buck.” Eddie’s voice is sharp enough that Buck blinks several times, quick. “Don’t- you’re worth it. Your pain isn’t- it’s not some kind of chore to me. I haven’t been just- hanging around, waiting until you’re a fun guy. I like you, Buck, right now, not- not some other perfectly okay version of you.”

Buck’s fingers twitch against Eddie’s thigh. “You’re a very kind man,” he repeats.

“I don’t even know if that’s true,” Eddie sighs, the material of the couch soft where he rests his cheek against it. “I just…” He thinks back to that first day Buck showed up at the station, and then to every day after that. “I think I always just wanted… to make your life easier.”

“Oh.” Buck shuts his eyes, whistles a breath through his nose. “You- you do. You do, Eddie.”

They’re quiet, at an impasse. The whole world is quiet, here at nearing 3 am with all the colors purple dark outside of this lamp lit room. Eddie can hear crickets and frogs if he listens hard enough. “Tommy was my friend. I’ve felt… guilty.”

Buck opens his eyes again. “For liking me?”

Eddie smiles a little at the phrasing — Sophia’s 8th grade voice saying like-like in his head — and nods. “It feels… disrespectful. He loved you so much, I don’t- I don’t know how he’d feel about it.”

Buck scratches a nail absently against the fabric of Eddie’s sweatpants. “We talked about it, a little.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The jobs we have, you know? It’s not like- it’s not like we never got hurt, never thought about what would happen if one of us…” Buck shrugs, and his smile aches this time. “I told him if I died he had to be sad forever, only love me the rest of his life.”

Eddie laughs. “Mm. Reasonable ask.”

Buck nods, smile getting bigger, almost a grin. “I didn’t mean it, but… You know, I think he would have. He was teasing when he promised, but… he was serious, too, I think.” He sighs. “He told me he was scared I wouldn’t let anyone love me. He said I-” Buck’s voice cracks badly enough he has to wait a few moments to continue. “I’m too easy to love. I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t go without it.”

Eddie feels a little wide eyed. “That’s…”

“Isn’t that just annoyingly romantic?” Buck laughs, wiping his eyes. “Reasonable ask. Jesus.” He scrubs harder. “I think he… he wanted to make my life easier, too. You’re… you’re so alike, sometimes.” He winces. “No, that’s- I don’t mean- that’s not why I-”

“No, it’s… I know you’re not trying to replace him.” It’s not like he hasn’t had the thought, himself. He and Tommy got on so well in part because they were alike. Shared hobbies, both army, both carrying around a complicated relationship with their families and their sexuality. But they’re their own people. And- “I wouldn’t want to… try to be that, for you.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to.”

There’s another quiet minute. Hesitantly, Eddie rests his hand palm up next to Buck’s. Buck slides their fingers together, and they fit as well as any hands do. “So… what do you want to do? What do you want to happen?”

Buck squeezes. “I… I’m not sure.”

Eddie nods. “Has there… am I the first person? After?”

Buck’s eyes get a little calculating, like he’s not sure he should say whatever comes next. “I hooked up with a girl, a few months in, uh, a little before I came to the 118. In a bar somewhere, I don’t even remember… And then I went home and, uh-” he winces, glances to the side. “I almost killed myself.”

“Buck-” Jesus, jesus-

“No, no-” Buck squeezes tighter, sits up a little straighter. “I didn’t. I didn’t and I wouldn’t. I- I’m safe, I promise, Eddie. It wasn’t- it wasn’t even actually an attempt, I just… thought about it.” He swallows. “It was close, I guess.”

Eddie’s clinging more than holding his hand. “Buck- if- I don’t want to-”

“No,” Buck shakes his head, firm. “I didn’t tell you because I- I thought if we-” his other hand wraps around the two of theirs. “I don’t want you to think if we move forward you’re putting me in danger. You’re not. I- I wasn’t doing well back then, it was hardly even about- it was a lot of things. I’m going to be okay, I swear.”

“If- If you’re ever not-” words feel like physical objects in Eddie’s throat, choking and uncomfortable. “Promise me you’ll tell someone, Buck. It- it doesn’t have to be me, just- promise me.”

“I promise,” Buck says, solemn, serious. His thumb rubs gently at the back of Eddie’s hand. “I’m sorry, I- I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“No,” Eddie disagrees immediately. “It’s… I asked. I want to know. I-” they complete another loop on this circle of a conversation. “I told you, your pain isn’t a chore. You don’t need to hide anything from me.”

“Right,” Buck sighs.

“Buck.”

“No, I-” Buck laughs a little at Eddie’s admonishing tone. “That was a right, I understand, not a yeah, right. I just-” he takes a hand away from the tangle they’ve got going and runs it through his hair. “God, I’m tired.”

Eddie nods. He’s exhausted, down in his bones. “Okay. I’ve got two things to say that don’t really go together, this time.”

“Okay,” Buck smiles at him, eyes crunched up and fond. “Hit me.”

“First, I think…” Eddie sits up straighter, too, takes a deep breath. “I like you, Buck. I- care for you. I- I-” Truth has to go both ways. Fuck it. “I’m in love with you. You should probably know that.”

Buck nods, eyes wet again. “Okay.”

“But I think if we… If you want to try being together, we should take it slow, and if you need to back out, that's okay. You’re my friend, and I swear to you that’s more important to me than anything else. So… So we have to just keep being honest with each other, even if it might hurt.”

“Alright,” Buck nods again, wiping his eyes. He manages a smile. “Was that the second thing, or…”

Eddie shakes his head, lips quirking up. “No. The second thing is, you wanna come sleep with me?”

Buck throws his head back laughing, almost losing balance where he sits. Eddie grabs his elbow to make sure he won’t fall over. “Eddie-”

“It’s late,” Eddie explains, not bothering to keep the adoration out of his voice now that he doesn’t really have to. “You shouldn’t drive home, my bed’s more comfortable than the couch.”

Buck laughs again, resting his elbow on the couch and his chin on his hand. He looks at Eddie, and Eddie thinks there’s plenty of adoration in that gaze, too. He shakes his head, though. “I think I’ll still take the couch tonight, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is.”

Buck raises their still clasped hands and kisses Eddie’s knuckles, holding his smile pressed into the skin there for a few moments. “And in the morning we can start to… figure out the rest of it?”

“Yeah,” Eddie whispers. Smiles once, twice. “See you then. Looking forward to it.”

Buck ducks his head, though his smile is still visible. “Yeah. Me too. Go- get some sleep, Eddie. I’ll-” he laughs, looking around them. “I’ll put away your peas.”

“Oh,” Eddie lifts up a bag of mushy vegetables. “No, I can do it, don’t worry about it.”

“Eddie.” Buck stands, gently taking the bag, and hesitating only a moment before he bends down and carefully kisses his cheek. From only a few inches away, eyes soft and close and blue, he says “I want to make your life easier, too.”

Eddie swallows hard, rests his hand against Buck’s cheek for just a second, and nods, momentarily incapable of words. Buck is halfway to the kitchen when he manages to say “Goodnight, Buck.”

Buck turns in the doorway. Smiles. “Goodnight, Eddie. See you in the morning.”

#tag games #fuck it friday #the seconds ticking killed us all a million years before the fall #asked and answered #my writing #major character death #mcd

[deancasbigbang]

Phantasma

Author: thisisapaige

Artist: Sketch

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, references to past Dean Winchester/others, references to past Castiel/unnamed male character, minor Sam Winchester/Jessica Moore

Length: 30934

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: Alternate Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, Strangers to Lovers, Paranormal Romance, Stanford Era, Ghost Castiel, Hunter Dean, Bad Parents (John Winchester and Naomi Novak), not MCD

Summary: Dean doesn't have the guts to grab Sam from Stanford. Dean fails to find his missing dad. Dean can, however, hunt the ghost haunting his house. Yeah, Dean buys a haunted house. On purpose. After a quick salt and burn of the bitter old ghost of Naomi Novak, Dean can finally have something in his life go right. But the ghost isn't what Dean's expecting. The spirit he finds is a polite, broad shouldered, blue eyed man in a trench coat who, instead of throwing Dean through the window in a vengeful rage, asks Dean for help. Dean agrees to assist Castiel, the Friendly Ghost, with moving on to the next life. Cas isn't like any ghost Dean had ever met. The usual rules don't apply to him. He's kind to Dean. He loves books. His cold touch brings mortals close to death. The more time Dean spends with Cas, the less Dean wants to let him go. Cas is good company. Dean hasn't let himself get close to anyone in years. In a different life, Dean could have fallen in love with him. Or maybe he already has.

Link to Fic | Link to Art

#dcbb 2023 #masterpost #2023 masterpost #deancas #destiel

[emsuemsu]

If there's something I really love in life it's the elderly. I love old people and old people love me and that is a fact. I am a peepaw whisperer, I speak fluent grandma. So naturally I've been on a mission for some senior citizen Drarry to quench my never ending thirst.

Some of these fics do contain neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer's. Some of these fics do contain MCD in a form of dying of old age. They're all tagged accordingly, if in doubt check the tags.

These are all well under 10k, and hit me up with some more geriatric Drarry recs if you have some!

About Damn Time by @lumosatnight 👴 4,045 words

All Draco wants to do is eat his custard cup and nap in peace. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so, when the Flamel House for Experienced Wixen is overrun with Harry Potter and his idiot friends.

The Afterlife, According to Draco Malfoy by @stripedsilverfeline 👴 1,861 words

Tea is not a proper substitute for astral brooms': The Afterlife, according to Draco Malfoy

Age is just a number by @gnarf 👴 1,555 words

Married for decades, their life is perfect. Until Harry gets a call and hears the following words: "Mr Potter, we caught your husband stealing ten large packs of King Sized condoms."

Attic Past by @piarelei 👴 500 words

Here are his knees. Noticeable and ugly. Harry sighs, doesn’t dare look at more of himself; the skin loose around his thighs and the wrinkles crowning his eyes. “I have ugly knees,” he tells the room. Draco, predictably, is already downstairs and doesn’t answer.

Brave by @mars-bar81 👴 8,403 words

Draco had never been the brave one- that had always been Harry's job.

Easier Than Falling Asleep by @gnarf 👴 1,029 words

After a long and happy life Harry is ready to return to Kings Cross. This time it's not Dumbledore, but his husband waiting for him there and they finally get to ride the Hogwarts Express together.

Dear Life by @drarryangels 👴 5,208 words

"Draco ran his fingers over the headstone at his feet and let his creaky knees fold underneath him to sit on the grass. When he was younger, he thought he’d never get old like this. With bad joints, white hair, and off trend clothes. Harry would’ve laughed at him if he could see Draco sitting in the dirt sniffling over his lost touch in the fashion industry." Or the story where Draco and Harry get to grow old together and be happy.

I Wouldn't Change a Thing by @rei382 👴 1,380 words

Harry and Draco, an old married couple, need to pack to go to their retirement home. But Harry stumbles upon an old photo album, and all kinds of memories start to flood back.

lucidity comes before the sun sets by @squintclover 👴 707 words

Life and memories are cruel sometimes... Stealing Harry from Draco before his time.

Meeting Too Late by WSbrat 👴 1,528 words

What if Draco and Harry fell in love when it was too late? What if they fell in love anyway?

Old School by Bardo 👴 5,053 words

When he was younger, Draco Malfoy used to say sex was dead after 65. Of course, at the time, he wasn't talking about himself.

Stay with me forever, we'll ride this out together by @triggerlil 👴 420 words

In old age, Harry cares for Draco.

Two Old Coots by @sofyachy 👴 1,898 words

On their 50th anniversary, Harry and Draco are a couple of old coots who no longer care what they tell other people about their relationship, to their kids’ mortification. Gather round, children; it’s inappropriate story time.

Wiser With Age, Still Stupid in Love by @sethsevolution 👴 3,483 words

There came a point in their lives where they felt like they were only ones left and that was what finally drew them together.

Won't You Stay By My Side by @gracerene 👴 1,936 words

Harry needs to convince Draco that he is too old to continue his dangerous job as an Investigative Journalist.

#drarry #drarry fic recs #this is a niche af list lol #elderly drarry #i consider 75+ to be elderly but there might be some fics theyre in their 60s or so #i need somebody to write a de-aging fic but like opposite where one of them turns into 90 or something #id read the shit out of that one #i hauled my ass to school today to do some school work and this is what i accomplished #i worry for my education at times #my rec

[elementalkit]

the brother who lived — the black brothers, #wolfstar 6k.

Seventeen years after Regulus's death, Sirius lives. Bellatrix's Killing Curse rebounds during the battle at the Ministry of Magic and now Sirius must confront the ghosts of the past, as well as the lightning bolt scar on his chest.

› tags: mcd (regulus), sirius black lives, angst and feels

› link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53587978

#the marauders #the black brothers #regulus black #sirius black #wolfstar #jegulus #harry potter #fic: mine #fix it fic

[bayoubodycount]

Title: Reviens, Mon Coeur

Rating: E 

Chapters: 1/16

Word count: 53k

Pairings: Louis/Lestat, Nicky/Lestat + past Lestat/Nicky, past Louis/Jonah, Louis + Daniel, Louis + Armand, Grace/Levi, Daniel/Armand, Gabrielle/Pandora, Jonah/Benny Lafitte(Supernatural), Claudia + Sybil, Claudia/Madeleine, Bricktop/Roget

Characters: Architectural Engineer!Lestat, Violinist!Nikky, Aspiring Artist! Restaurant owner!Louis, Journalist!Daniel Molloy, Armand de Romanus, Gabrielle de Lioncourt, Pandora de Lioncourt, Roget, Bricktop Williams, Miss Lily, Grace de Pointe du Lac, Levy, Benny & the Twins, Claudia de Lioncourt, J. R. Morton, Sybil de Romanus, Benji de Romanus, Daniel's daughter, Mojo the Mastiff, Tom Anderson, Alderman Fenwick, Finn O'Shea, Mrs. Fenwick, Dr. Fareed Bhansali, Jonah, Benny Lafitte(Supernatural), Crowley(Supernatural), Priest!Vittorio

Summary: After the unexpected and devastating loss of a precious piece of their family, Lestat and Claudia must pick up pieces of their shattered hearts and move on. Three years later, Lestat meets Louis and his dormant heart returns to life. Louis thinks his dreams have come true until he learns a crushing secret which threatens this new love. Yet to keep this dream he's always wanted, he must find a way to make such an uncomfortable truth sit right with the man and his daughter he's grown to love so deeply.

WARNING for MCD/Canon Character Death (Nicky), Claudia's suicidal thoughts w/out intention

Tags: Human movie AU inspired by 2000 film "Return to Me", canon blood and gore, Lestat PoV, Louis PoV, Architectural Engineer Lestat, Aspiring Artist/Restaurant owner Louis, sick Louis, hospital visits, life saving measures in the ER, bereaved Lestat, single father Lestat, bereaved Claudia, self conscious Louis, slow burn until it isn't, shower Lestaturbation, someone gets slapped, kissing, frotting, handjobs, cum kink, these guys have issues, therapy, pianist!Sybil, violinist! Claudia, ax throwing date, business partners!Gabrielle & Pandora, birthday party, happily ever after guaranteed👌

#Reviens Mon Coeur #My fic #amc interview with the vampire #Loustat fic #Happy Ever After Guaranteed

[brandileigh2003]

Fic recs: (this is not exhaustive and I know I'm missing some that I loved)

All are wolfstar (mix of jily and jegulus) Complete unless marked. Check tags, some are dark or sad.

*My obsession: Crimson rivers by bizarrestars aka zeppazariel - angsty hunger games au. Some of the best remus and Sirius characterizations. Wolfstar is top notch. The friendships and black brother dynamics are all 💯

Hogwarts/magical

-The Standard Book Of Spells Series by imparfait connected fics and 1 shots, still wip: wolfstar is so in love, I want to melt multiple pov. no voldy.

-Would That I by third_crow (wip currently updating) soulmates, canon divergent, no voldy, autistic remus

-Honey If I'm Not by BrigidFaye: divergent post war where remus left, jily lived, and wolfstar only reconnects years later by chance. (Also has a Sirius pov)

-what a wonder (what a waste) by peachyybabe all the emotions. Mcd. Divergent.

-snakes and lions by her_smile_forges_galaxies (read tags though! Slytherin remus, platonic soulmate remus & regulus turns death eaters, angst with happy ending)

Au/modern/non-magical

-like real people do by third_crow (disability coffee shop)

–wolf's heart by mizdiz- heartbreaking. Meet in bookshop, Remus has heart problems, they fall in love, Remus tries to push him away to save pain of watching him die but Sirius won't let him.

– best friends brother bizarrestars/zeppazariel: has it all, jegulus as well, moonwater friendship, black brother dynamics

-wading in waist-high water by colgatebluemintygel- bake off fic where sirius is host and Remus is a disaster

-the sea is a good place to think of the future by peachyybabe first in series is happy/open ending. Love them reconnecting and how disability is written. Check tags. 2nd in series has mcd. But it's oh so good, broke my heart.

– text talk by merliwhirls: great banter and flirting firming a solid connection through text before they meet in person.

-lessen my load by moonymoment (university, so sweet together)

-pb to my j by aqua_myosotis (texting fic, so cute together)

-my only sunshine by loua29xx- remus is sick and asks Sirius to help him die

-Berlin Angel by de_sire: Remus helps him really begin to live, asks the deep questions help him discover who he is. Sirius helps remus open up as well, sees his layers, thinks remus is Sirius' own sun

-Second Generation by MsAlexWP older wolfstar, single parents, getting back together. The sequel is so perfect too! It's a Nice Day for a Wolfstar Wedding

-An infinite ocean by orphan_account (raising teddy au, he has cf)

Other magical:

--Evolution is spelt with an R by de_sire: Remus never went to Hogwarts, saves Sirius and Sirius gets involved with pack by being healer

–After the fire by Coriaria lie low at lupin's, a dark look at remus' past (check tags)

--good old-fashioned lover boy by all2well (both teachers at Hogwarts)

–that’s the art of getting by by sarewolf Remus raises Harry then Sirius lays low with them

exes, horcruxes, and other reasons to panic by lynxindisguise: divergent from 1st war, picks up 7 yrs later

-canon so far **shifting Lines by dovahtobi (wip currently updating)

-wip or maybe abandoned but good: Of Leaves and Stars (modern magical texting, trans remus and genderfluid sirius)

as well as Of Initials and Postscripts (Hogwarts era, remus is homeschooled and sirius is his penpal) both by irrationalmoony & LadyAmina

-Saccharine by moonymoment (au) Sirius is a ghost in remus' apartment

-just lovers by bizarrestars/Zeppazariel divergent fic, fake dating (wolfstar isn't main but they're heavily featured)

Authors in general

third_crow disability rep!

Peachyybabe he is great at portraying disability

Littleoldrachel disability and trans rep

her_smile_forges_galaxies

MsAlexWP

de_sire

moonymoment

MesserMoon

beautywolfstar

xinasvoice

Brigidfaye

Eyra

MollyMaryMarie

Check out my fandom wifey lucigoo

Some of my fandom friends moon_stars, raggedypond, beautywolfstar, and speckinthevoid

Other things I've re-read

-Did You Miss Me? By Fantismal, Krethes long text fic, angst and humor. Check tags

-An Interesting Grasp by TheBiButterfly: remus with tourettes, artist sirius, moonflower friendship, au

-Six Feet Apart by Belle_Lestrange101: pandemic fic, remus is high risk

-Living Like We're Renegades by orphan_account deaf/hoh remus and genderfluid cheerleader remus

--Forever Is a State of Mind by orphan_account (raising teddy, deaf remus)

-taste of honey by biremus: British bake off fic, each other's competition but ofc fall in love

-Let Them Eat Cake by OpeningMyEyes: another baking fic

-This Is the Way the World Ends by YouBlitheringIdiot: sad but beautiful MCD

--A Brief History of Dragons by eyra: nuerodivergent remus

-Choosing You by Cruisinwritealong: one shot, they're cute

-Heat and balance by eyra: beautifully depicted disability/illness fics, au

-from white-hot anticipation to cold-blooded fear and back again by drowsyanddazed: ravenclaw remus unimpressed by prank idea and they get close

-this is erosion by cruelrage: modern magical, texting at Hogwarts, remus homeschooled

-Engaged for 43 years by halfravenhalfclaw: sirius proposes at first sight at 11, follows til the afterlife (divergent)

-Befriending A Ravenclaw by kreestar: slow burn with pining. Remus is ravenclaw prefect

-ten reasons (to go to michigan) by greyeyedmonster18: falling in love au author remus, artist sirius raising Harry with regulus angst+ slow burn

-We’ll Make It Out Alive by wolfstar_addict417: texting fic with angst/fluff and disabled remus (au)

-summer you let your hair grow out: Sirius goes to remus instead of James'

-Boys Will Be Bugs by the_Infamous_Jack: Hogwarts era with trans remus

-sweater weather by lumosinlove: hockey fic they're so cute

-Highland Fling by picascribit: summer disability strangers to lovers (au)

-Dear Your Holiness by MollyMaryMarie check tags but some of the quotes still stick with me.

- Heavy In Your Arms by MollyMaryMarie: slytherin Sirius as padfoot finds injured ravenclaw remus and takes care of him

-everything's connected by mizdiz- magical realism, boarding school. Witty banter, alternating sarcastic and socially withdrawn/awkward remus and larger than life Sirius.

-we can be heroes series by YouBlitheringIdiot school years through the war. Divergent ending

-As It Was by peachyybabe mix of fluff, angst and hurt/comfort

-casting moonshadows by moonsign Hogwarts era. Wip abandoned

-Of Memories and Milk Thievery by moonymoment older wolfstar, raising teddy, get back together

-Let's Play Pretend by MsAlexWP fake dating, single parents, remus and teddy are wonderful disasters

-The Horcrux Hunt by Keysie 1st war divergent main focus remus and Regulus friendship and working together. Funny and angsty.

- it's a new dawn by ilbaritz: Remus never went to Hogwarts and met everyone after school. Trans remus

-Tertiary Colors by krabapple mpreg 1st war divergent, potters live

**I've made a themed list of trans remus fics too if you want to check out

**I made a part 2 bc this was getting long if you're interested, one shot version

*Jegulus recs

**Ofc feel free to check out mine:

Silence Between Us by brandileigh2003 a soft wolfstar falling in love, features Sirius dealing with anxiety, and remus who is deaf and has an adorable service dog.

#wolfstar #marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #jegulus #jily #fanfic #favorites #faves #recommendations #fanfiction #fic recs

[helianthus-tarot]

What would you think about showing your support for Palestine?

I don't understand the question. What would I think? What do I think about showing my support specifically, or about other people showing their support?

I support Palestine of course. Below are some links:

🟡 Information

If you know nothing about the history of the Palestine-Israel conflict, you can start with Decolonize Palestine website; particularly the Palestine 101 section. It won't take much time. Also the myths section; the myths address most of the typical zionists' arguments.

Palquest also seems good if you want to understand the chronology of what has happened on the land since the Ottoman Empire, it was set up by the Institute for Palestine Studies and the Palestinian Museum. But I haven't explored everything yet since it's massive.

If you think those are too biased or whatever, you can supplement them by googling more info yourself about things such as The First Zionist Congress, Balfour Declaration, Great Palestinian Rebellion, Nakba, 1948 Arab–Israeli War, creation of Hamas, etc. Read multiple websites for each one of these. Compare and contrast the info.

I also suggest you watch videos from anti-zionist jews on tiktok; search #jewsagainstzionism #antizionistjew.

🟡 October 2023

You can refer to this post, there are links that talk about the recent October events. This is also a brief summary on how Hamas-Israel October 7 impacted Gaza.

To get recent updates:

People: Motaz Azaiza (a photographer who provides video updates of what's happening in Gaza). Plestia Alaqad (a journalist who also provides updates in Gaza). Click on their IG stories.

News: AlJazeera English, Eye On Palestine.

Others: Chris Kunzler, Subhi.

That list is not comprehensive of course, but you can use those as a starting point. You can also follow the #palestine or #gaza tags on tiktok and tumblr. I suggest tiktok since news travel a lot faster there.

🟡 What can you do

Rallies: Join Palestine solidarity rallies in your country if you can; this is a list of rallies from October 28 to November 5. But make sure you read guidelines and know how to behave during a rally, also pay attention to what is lawful and what isn't in your country.

Demand a ceasefire: For those who are in the USA, in the UK. I don't live in those countries so I don't know much, feel free to explore the tags. Americans really have a reason to be mad, your gov use your tax money and army to help the IOF kill kids. I don't even want to begin talking about Britain.

Boycott: Refer to BDS Movement to know what main brands to boycott, there are several like HP and Siemens. There are also other brands, you can find the info on tiktok; but from what I know people are currently focusing on Starbucks, McD and Disney.

Donate: This is long-term help, since people can barely get aids into Gaza at the moment (except for the recent 20 trucks). But some of them are still taking donation, so check. Palestine Red Crescent Society, Palestine Children's Relief Fund, Medical Aid for Palestinians, Baitulmaal, Alkhidmat Foundation Pakistan.

🟡 Others

I haven't tried these yet for personal reason but these are highly recommended by people.

Life in Occupied Palestine documentary by Anna Baltzer, who is a Jewish-American.

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine book by Ilan Pappé, an Israeli historian and socialist activist. He has also written an article about what happened recently.

Another list of published books you can read to learn more. Edit: I couldn't link it. Go to tiktok and next to tiktok(.)com/, paste this: @book.butch/video/7293673677256903982?lang=en

Double check the info and the links. I might have missed something, so if there's wrong info or any correction needs to be done, kindly let me know.

If you have questions about the conflict, don't ask me; follow the links and people I've listed above. I am dealing with fatigue and emotional exhaustion, the issue has been triggering anxiety attacks.

Zionists do not interact.

#palestine #gaza

[kidukami]

☾┅ about me ┅ ☽

hi, call me mika! i'm 21+ and i go by they/them pronouns. i'm a se asian writer + aspiring literary translator based in the uk. this post is essentially a writeblr reintroduction as i am starting anew in the community with this blog, and i'm really excited to share my wips and connect with all you lovely writers out there! i'm also tag and/or interaction friendly (although my reply speed is... not the best especially for tag/ask games, but i'm trying!), so please don't be afraid to say hi ♡

☾┅ writing interests ┅ ☽

important note: my works may contain mature and potentially triggering topics. viewer discretion is advised.

╳ i'm mainly a prose fiction writer, although i may dabble in scriptwriting and poetry at times. ╳ genres: speculative fiction, historical fiction, thriller, literary fiction. ╳ themes: sociopolitical commentary, satire, dark comedy, angst/tragedy, tragicomedy, morally grey characters, queer romance. ╳ open to reading all genre and themes! you're more than welcome to reblog this with your wips or tag me in them, whether or not they feature any of the above. the above lists are not exhaustive because to this day i still don't know how my writing brain works. ╳ i take plenty of writing-related requests (beta/proofreading, critique, collabs, translation work, etc.)! please refer to my carrd for more info, or contact me directly for inquiries.

☾┅ main wips ┅ ☽

will o' the wisp :: adult sci-fi/thriller novel. ╳ award-winning talk show host and journalist noe crane is constantly treading a tightrope as he assumes his secret vigilante identity behind closed doors, but things get worse when his past comes back to haunt him. ╳ features: tragicomedy, morally grey characters, lgbt+ characters, complex relationships, modern setting, superpowers, conspiracies ╳ wip intro here!

the duña duology :: adult weird fiction duology. ╳ a troubled man in his 30s attempts to escape from his past and seeks refuge in a run-down inn, only to find himself caught up in a dangerous conspiracy against the world. ╳ features: adult (30+) characters, unlikeable protagonist, multiple universes, high concept, complex worldbuilding, retrofuturism, found family, conspiracies, aliens (?) wip intro coming soon! message if you want to be tagged.

a history of the tenshima gang feud (working title) :: new adult sci-fi/romance novel. ╳ when a national museum tour guide somehow travels back to the city's deadliest era in history as one of its disgraced figures, he will soon find that his beloved city isn't what it claims itself to be. ╳ features: time travel, alternate future, fictional setting, criminal underworld, ensemble cast, sociopolitical commentary, morally grey characters, lgbt+ characters, love triangle, lovers to enemies, friends to lovers, mcd, tragedy wip intro coming soon! message if you want to be tagged.

lilium carnage :: historical steampunk visual novel (collab with @nana7esque) ╳ four characters on two sides of the same coin. each of them are determined to deliver their own justice in the corrupted land of navona, even at the cost of their own lives, but little do they know that there will always be a bigger price to pay. ╳ features: alternate history, fictional setting, choice-based story, multiple endings, morally grey characters, lgbt+ characters, tragedy, enemies to lovers, complex chara dynamics wip intro coming soon! message if you want to be tagged.

☾┅ side wips ┅ ☽

shelved wips, wip ideas i have yet to develop, etc.

╳ by the kiss of the sleeping night :: thriller/romance webtoon collab with @nana7esque ╳ retelling of the nyi roro kidul myth ╳ modern setting character-driven script with each characters being an allegory to the seven deadly sins

feel free to interact with this post especially if you're also a writeblr! ♡

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writeblr intro #intro post #writing #writeblr community

[xfancyfranart]

Another round of the bloodiest and sexiest event @deancashorrorfest is almost done, and just like last year it was an absolute BLAST. After reading @motherofdragonflies' prompt, I was ready to throw hands for that fic right away. I have not been disappointed, it's an incredible, fantastic, horrific, nightmarish reading experience. Bex, working with you has also been an experience - a very awesome one! Hopefully our collab paths will cross again, my friend 😘 "The Elevator Game" has inspired me to experiment and push past my artistic safe zone and I'm incredibly hyped about the results, so THANK YOU!

Side note: Since we're talking about a "Choose your own Adventure" fic here, the art pieces above depict moments from different paths throughout the story. I guess you'll need to see if you stumble across them in the fic 'naturally' 😉 (Sorry for the Nov 5th parallels in the last one btw.)

Will you be able to dodge the MCD tag? - Try to find your way in and out of the Otherworld now. Good luck.

If you decide to read "The Elevator Game", go HERE.

#deancas horrorfest 2023 #deancas horrorfest #destiel #deancas #destiel fanart #destiel fanfic #deancas art #spn fanart #destiel art #horror #choose your own adventure #body horror #destiel kiss #bexgowen #xfancyfranart #collab

[kmackatie]

shadowgast fic rec list: the modern au edition - part one

This has been a long time coming, and hopefully the start of a few, but I have been intending to make some fic rec lists for a while. I am time-poor and generally bad at remembering to bookmark fics, but I figured I shouldn't let that stop me.

I have a love for modern au's, I write many of them, and I often see arguments against them when the source material is fantasy based for a number of reasons. But, I wanted to shine a light on some out there that tickle that box for me of being delightful.

Listed below the cut are a bunch of fics I have enjoyed, in no particular order and of varying lengths. I will of course forget some, but I hope to do some more lists in the future as I have more tabs open than I can reasonably fit in a list.

Fundamental Forces Other Than Gravity by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi)/@mllekurtz (1/1 chapters, 40,676 words, E, no warnings)

- A shadowgast college au with great characterisation and weaving of the Nein throughout. This one has chronic pain Essek, and I love how it is handled. As a note, Essek is briefly one of Caleb's professors, however, there is little power imbalance between them.

the fire kept closest (burns most of all) by mousecookie/@ariadne-mouse (3/3 chapters, 21,822 words, M, warnings: MCD)

- The fic that created the vocaleb tag. Essek is scientist on a research team studying a volcano, for which a tragic accident occurred years prior. It's told in a series of present and past, and the slow build of the relationships throughout the fic are gorgeous. For those eyeing the MCD warning, know that it is also tagged with 'angst with a happy ending'.

I've been lost before (and I'm lost again, I guess) by toneofjoy/@fireryn (21/21 chapters, 165,080 words, E, no warnings)

- The boys are rock climbers in this one. I know, it sounds odd, but trust me and read this. It has incredible characterisation and conversations about sexuality and gender (I hold the cafe scene in my hands so gently), as well as some wonderful sexual tension that builds until it bursts. This fic also got me into recreational rock climbing and I owe the author for it big time. As a note, Essek is Caleb's coach in this fic and this is a plot point for the background of their developing relationship.

starting with your heart (bright heart) by 2manyboys/@cluelessheroes (1/1 chapters, 9,914 words, E, no warnings)

- This has the sentence "Have you been taking four legged showers with Essek Thelyss?” in the summary and it has lived rent-free in my head ever since. Modern-wth-magic university au where they are both students with some lovely build-up of sexual tension between them. Hot smut to go along with it.

disputable presumptions by hanap/@callingvoicemail (3/? chapters, 9,606 words, E, no warnings)

- The corporate lawyer au of my dreams where they are friends with benefits and hiding it from the rest of the Nein. This has a delightful background of plot, along with ambiguous not!wizards hiding their true feelings behind an air of casualness, and snappy writing that keeps you reading.

Inside Edge, 3 Turn, and Closed Hold by MithrilWren/@mithrilwren (3/? works, 16,060 combined words, T/G/M respectively, no warnings)

- The shadowgast figure skating au I didn't know I needed until I read it. I've reread this one so many times and keep coming back to the characterisation and the way the story is slowly told across all three fics. There's a richness of the world behind what we see, and I adore coach!Beau in this one. Another with chronic pain Essek, and generally a careful understanding of the risks that go into the sport.

Labor of Love by OMGitsgreen (6/6 chapters, 43,331 words, M, warnings: CNTW)

- Bakery au. It's a classic, and it's done so well here. This is one of the earliest fics I remember reading, and it's a warm hug on a cold day that is great for when you're wanting something nice.

fermata by canyon_wizard/@canyon-wizard (8/8 chapters, 65,403 words, E, no warnings)

- A classical music au (there really needs to be more of these, please) where they are both piano students. The focus of this one is less the music world and more the character dynamics, and they are incredibly well done. The smut is hot, there is delightful miscommunication, and tense dynamics (ha) throughout.

(your face in my hands is) everything good I need by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi)/@mllekurtz (8/8 chapters, 25,884 words, M, no warnings)

- Professor au where they meet at a conference, Caleb a professor of modern history and Essek an expert in Latin. This fic has everything--wizards being nerds in every universe, first kisses, developing feelings, long distance relationship, emotional stakes, and dramatic declarations of love. I adore Mlle's writing (it really should not be a surprise at this point) as they have a way of capturing emotions and turning them into stunning pieces of prose. This one is also a love letter to Paris and Berlin, and please give it a read!

#shadowgast #critical role #critical role fanfic #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #the mighty nein #fic rec #fic rec list: modern au #my writing #I have definitely left of fics but I am intending to make a second list eventually #authors if you wish to be removed or untagged please let me know #cr: fanfic

[five-rivers]

Dreadful Calm Chapter 1

Tags from AO3: Major character death, freezing solid, Vomiting, gagging, suffocation, Hypothermia, most of those things don't REALLY happen, but it's close enough those tags should do it, Body Horror, ectoberhaunt 2023 day 11: dread vs calm

(MCD not shown in this chapter.)

.

Danny was glad the 'Fenton Family Vacation-slash-Road-Trip-slash-Ghost-Hunting-Extravaganza' was over and they were finally on their way back to Amity Park.  The trip had been as long and tedious as its name, and Danny hadn’t wanted to go in the first place.  They’d be crossing the city limits soon, and it'd only take another fifteen minutes to get home.  

For Danny, it couldn’t come soon enough.  He loved his parents.  He really did.  But being around them constantly for days had been taxing, and would have been even if he hadn’t been a half-ghost who had to watch himself for ghostly slip ups.

That wasn’t even touching on the stress of being away from Amity Park, which was the source of most of said slip ups.  Heck, about halfway through the trip, he’d woken up from a nightmare in a panic, convinced something terrible had happened, and only calls from Sam and Tucker telling him that everything was fine had kept him from flying all the way back home to fight the perceived threat.

Although… Now that he thought about it, he wondered…  how did they know to call him in the first place?

The GAV ka-thumped over a pothole - not one Danny had made by being thrown into the asphalt at high speeds, incidentally, he remembered those - and the thought was thrown from his head in favor of grumbling.  Grumbling, and a faint sense of unease.  

He leaned to the side so he could look out the windshield at the skyline, and couldn’t help the thought that something was different, something was wrong.  Nothing he could see.  All the buildings seemed to be there, and he would know.  

The ‘Welcome to Amity Park’ sign flicked by the window, unreadable at the speeds Jack was driving at, and–

And Danny slammed his right hand over his mouth, unlatched his seatbelt with his left, and dove for the tiny bathroom in the back of the GAV.  He got the door closed and locked behind him, and immediately fell into the tiny cubicle shower, dropping to his hands and knees.  

His ghost sense dripped and oozed off the tip of his tongue and past his lips, heavy and almost liquid, despite still being insubstantial mist.  It fell in wispy curls and silky folds, dispersing along the floor and leaving behind feathery patterns of frost.  He retched, trying to clear his airway, and managed to draw in a single gasp of fresh air before his ghost sense reasserted dominance.  

Well.  Danny was assuming this was his ghost sense.  It lacked the usual sense of accompanying hostility, and while his ghost sense might make him gasp, it had never made him gag.  

“... motion sickness?” called Maddie from the front.

“Y-yeah!” rasped out Danny.  He winced at the sound of his voice, then shivered once, violently.  

“Don’t worry, son!  We’ll be home in no time!  And motionless!  With fudge!”

Bluish mist pooled in the bottom of the shower well, and spilled over the shallow plastic lip, into the rest of the bathroom.  Danny was glad that his mother had insisted on the bathroom door having a plastic seal and a separate ventilation system after one too many ‘incidents,’ otherwise the mist would be leaking out into the main cabin of the GAV.

He shivered again, and a hum from his core turned into a croon in his throat.  To it, the cold felt like a comforting welcome, even though it was the one producing it.  

But what was making it produce cold like this?  Even Pariah Dark hadn’t felt like this.  Going into the Ghost Zone for the first time hadn’t felt like this.  Nothing felt like this, like being suddenly supercharged in the worst way, to the point of losing control, but also feeling paradoxically good, power dragging fingers up his spine, wrapping around him like a blanket.  

He got in another breath, then lost it, giggling as a delicious chill spread from his core all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes.  

What he should do, what he wanted to do was go ghost and fly away somewhere he could release all this energy safely.  But his parents had upgraded the GAV before they’d left on the trip, and had spent the last several days explaining all the new features in detail.  

There were a lot of weapons.  A lot of weapons.  

There were detectors, too, ones that would be able to see Danny if he was in ghost form.  

Possibly more importantly, the walls were painted with Fenton Paint, and Danny couldn’t phase past that.

Another wave of cold bloomed from his core, and he exhaled more frigid fog.  He could feel ice on his wrists and hands, and he snatched them up, off the floor, blinking tears out of his eyes.  Those tears fell to the floor with tiny clinks.  

Afraid of what he’d find, he pressed his tongue against the back of his lower lip.  His tongue was slow, heavy, it didn’t want to move.  Tiny spears of frost crunched against one another, then were bound together by another plume of mist.  He could feel more frost forming around his back teeth, locking his jaw open.  Danny crooned again, and the sound was oddly content for how terrified Danny was.  

Sudden, sharp pain radiating from around his core forced him to double over the rest of the way into a fetal position, trapping his arms between his legs and his chest.  There was ice forming around his core.  He knew this with a terrifying certainty.  There was ice forming around his core, in his chest, in his organs.  He could feel it creeping across the outsides of his lungs, freezing them in place even as he choked in a final breath past the mist still curling past his lips.  He could feel his heart slow then stop as his blood turns to slush, then freezes solid.  

Despite this, despite the pain, part of him still found this comfortable, pleasureable.  The cold was good.  The power was good.  Whatever was doing this, it felt like home and safety and welcome back.  He knew, he knew he could use this, once he got it under control, to help and protect people, his people, his city, his family, his friends, better than ever.  Ice clattered against ice as more tears fell from his eyes.  His core purred happily, and all the ice crystals around it reverberated with the tone.  

It hurt.  It hurt so much to have all those crystals inside him chime, vibrating enough to feel them inside his flesh, inside his bone, but it also soothed him in ways he couldn’t explain.  

He could still transform, could still go ghost.  But the GAV’s defenses were still there, still active.  He’d be trapped again, just in a different way, and for all he knew, this could get worse if he went ghost.  Right now, his out-of-control powers were only freezing him, but they could very easily freeze other people.  People who didn’t have built-in resistance to being frozen solid.  

(The humming purr of his core stuttered momentarily, as if that had finally gotten through to it, but the moment didn’t last.)

And either way… his parents would know.

No.  He wouldn’t transform.  

He blinked tears out of his eyes again, but this time he could not open them.  His eyelids had frozen shut.  He tried to shift, to bring up a hand to break away the ice, but the cold had made his joints and muscles stiff, immovable.  

He was stuck.  Trapped.  The only parts of him still mobile were the fog pouring out of his mouth and nose, the growing ice, and his core, humming away without a care in the world.  Everything else was frozen to stillness.

Trapped, and he wasn’t even trapped alone, somewhere he would have time to figure this out and get it under control.  Any moment, they would arrive home, and his parents would want to know why he wasn’t coming out, and when he didn’t answer, they’d barge in, because they’d worry, they would, and they’d see him like this, and know he couldn’t be anything but dead.  

Ice crept up and down his spine, filling in the gaps between his bones.  It touched the base of his skull, and spread slowly along his scalp, like a hand carding through his hair.  The feeling sank deeper, into his skin, his muscle, his bone.  Someone approved.  Someone was proud of him.  Someone cared.  Someone was thanking him.  Someone wanted him.  Someone loved him.  

Each and every part of him sang with the song of his core.  He was frozen solid, coated with ice inside and out.  

Danny stayed that way for what felt like hours, his feelings churning between the externally-induced happiness of his core and the very real dread of his parents finding him like this.  But for all that he was, nominally, in human form, the parts of him that were human were asleep in the ice.

The calm won out.  

The calm… Out the window, Amity Park had seemed remarkably calm.  

The thought slithered away from the numb, chilled fingers of Danny’s mind, and he let it.  He’d been distracted by a new sensation.  An unbearable lightness.  It filled him up as thoroughly as the ice, with his core as the kernel.  It felt like his soul was straining against the upper surfaces of his body.  It felt like he was having a fight with gravity that was far more personal than usual.  It felt like peace and contentment, just out of his reach.  

Below him, there was a resounding crack as he lifted up off the floor to float mid-air.  His core-song grew louder, without the damping effects of touching something that wasn’t in tune.  

He didn’t know how long he hung there, floating, in the air, his thoughts becoming progressively sleepier and more abstract, drawn out into slow, simple cycles by the lack of anything to think about.  His usual methods of time keeping were out of reach.  No light, not action, no breath or heartbeat, and for all that the ice and the song and the floating made him tired, they barely put a dent in his energy.

But then, past the layer of ice over his ears, he felt-heard the door open, and people came in.  He couldn’t see them, of course, but he felt their warmth/energy/emotion, and they looked on him kindly, lovingly, with gentle affection and concern.  They touched him with warm-cool hands, and he let them direct him, effortlessly, first out the bathroom door, then out the GAV, and from there into his home.  

Weightless cold pulsed through him again as they crossed that threshold, the power even greater here than outside.  The hands withdrew, then, for the first time since they’d found him, and his core-song turned plaintive, the notes making his notes ache bitterly.  But the hands returned, their journey not yet done.  

They continued, into the kitchen, through the lab door, down the stairs, and–

Danny couldn’t help it.  His song turned sad, mournful.  This was where he had died the first time, for all that it was also where the power coursing through him was the strongest.  Those with him wept as well, feeling the same, he could tell.  But they didn’t stop.  They pushed him steadily deeper into the lab, steadily further and further into power, into pain.  

Into the portal.  

He passed into the Ghost Zone, and whatever was feeding him power simply went away, as if it had never existed.  Danny’s ghost sense stopped streaming from his mouth.  The sublime weightlessness receded into the regular weightlessness enjoyed by most things in the Zone.  The things that were keeping Danny awake, stopped.  

He slept.  

#ectoberhaunt #23 day 11 #23 prompt dread #23 calendar science #eh23 #reblogs #23 prompt calm #23 calendar magic #danny phantom

[fondofeveryprickle]

My AO3 Wrapped 2023

Welcome to my AO3 Wrapped 2023, where I take a look at some of my favourite fics from 2023 (one bookmark per month). 

There were so many amazing fics in 2023, so many new people and friends I met because of fanfic <3 So here’s to a very good 2024, full of words and worlds!

Let’s go to the fics:

January-

The Fine Line Between Hormones and Home by seekingmoonscapes (Bad Buddy: The Series)

In an almost canon universe where the only difference is that it is omegaverse, Pat is an omega, and Pran is an alpha. And during one of his heats, Pat is at home, and decides to ask Pran for a shirt with his scent to help with his heat. But instead, he asks Pran for help in other ways. Fic where the porn IS the plot, everything is super consensual, and sexy and hot. Alternating POV, so on Pran’s pov we get to see all the pining.

February - 

If Never Again, If Every Day by gallifreyburning and takiki16 (The Old Guard)

This fic was wonderful from beginning to end. For reasons, 2021 Nicky goes back in time to Jerusalem and his first death at Yusuf's hands. Meanwhile, 1099 Nicolò goes forward in time to 2021 and meets Joe. It's heartbreaking and loving and funny and so full of love. Nicky and Joe miss each other even when around their younger versions. But the love they feel for each other is stronger than that. Wonderful story, happy ending.

March - 

Wooing the Water Tribe by lenaballena (ATLA) @dameferre

Sokka has been living in the Fire Nation as Zuko's second in power and his best friend and everything. When Katara comes to visit, Sokka thinks Zuku is courting her. And he realizes he is also in love with his best friend. Lots of pining. There's absolutely no courting of Katara. It's also really funny. My heart broke for Sokka at some moments.

April - 

The Grand Unified Theory of Shen Qingqiu by 00janeblonde (SVSSS)

WIP - This story is all fluff and no angst, like the tags say, slice of life and it's wonderful. SQQ dies at Maigu Ridge, and is offered to acquire the Game Plus, where he can go back to the past with his cultivation and memory intact, and try again. Doing that he discovers that he is actually the real Shen Jiu reincarnated, and he can try to recover memory markers to be able to restart the "game" even before than when he first "transmigrated". His friendship with YQY becomes strong, LQG also becomes his friend (it's really sweet how he wants his friends back). Everything is very soft. Absolutely great teacher SQQ.

May - 

but for me, there is a storm by Authoress (Haikyuu!!) by @kiribakus

An epic pacific rim au. Hinata and Kageyama are both cadets who want to be Jaeger pilots, but they cannot get along. So they work really hard because they are their last hope to pilot a one of a kind Jaeger - a Kaiju/Machine hybrid. They solve their problems in the beginning (and then later they have more problems). Hinata and Kageyama are not the only main characters, other characters are also very important and have their own storyline and pov. This story is heartbreaking as well. There's MCD, and it made me cry so hard I got puffy eyes. It's a wonderful read, and very well written.

June - 

The UA Analyst Kid by RogueVector (BNHA)

Izuku meets the UA teachers before getting OFA and they see how good his analysis is, so they start to train him (together with some other heroes). But some things don't change and Izuku still meets All Might and gets offered OFA. This story is funny, sweet and with amazing relationships. Izuku is OP with his intelligence and training. All the teachers and heroes are so supportive and good. A really feel good story.

July - 

Deku? I think he’s some pro… by Clouds (BNHA)

After All Might told Izuku he can't be a hero, he finds himself in a forum used by some underground heroes and offers his analysis to them, since he can't be a hero, he will help them. The underground heroes think Izuku is some kind of retired pro when they ask for help analyzing some villains and all, and when they finally meet face-to-face they all decide to practically adopt Izuku and teach him to fight so he will have a chance to be a quirkless hero. It is amazing! Also, the relationship between Izuku and the underground heroes is more like friends than teacher-student, and it's amazing that way. (some All Might bashing - be warned)

August - 

Mobius by Foxquills (BNHA) @fox-quills

WIP - I love this story so much!!! Third-year Izuku is sent to the past because of a quirk accident, to the time both Shouta and Hizashi are third year students at UA. Problem is, according to Nedzu, time is constant, or a loop, so he can’t change anything in the past, and everything that has happened, will happen again. He becomes fast friends with both Shouta and Hizashi, and starts crushing on them as well. Both Hizashi and Shouta also start crushing on him. It is lovely. There’s pain. It’s awesome. (also omegaverse).

September - 

Factory Settings by Anonymous (Good Omens)

Post season 2 au, because Crowley follows Aziraphale to heaven. Things happen, and instead of Crowley, there is Raphael, without any memory of all the time he's lived as Crowley. Heaven and Hell are at it again. Aziraphale has no idea what to do, and he misses his Crowley. Muriel is a sweetheart. Both Aziraphale and Crowley/Raphael povs. Great story, feels very much canon.

October - 

Justice in Defiance by Foxquills (BNHA) @fox-quills

WIP - Aizawa is a hero turned villain who kills both heroes and villains alike. And one day Izuku finds him right after he kills someone. They fight. And now Izuku needs to know more. What made Aizawa turn????? To do that, he will also need Hizashi in his corner. Absolutely lovely story!!!! The povs are amazing. The feelings and pining are perfect.

November - 

If I Must Starve (Let it be in Your Arms) by Igneum807 (The Witcher)

So think about the softest story involving Jaskier and touch-starved witchers, and this is the result. During his travels alone, when he and Geralt go their different ways for a few weeks, Jaskier meets Geralt's brothers, who are just as touch and companionship-starved as Geralt was before meeting Jaskier. It's super soft and tender.

December - 

Cultivate: Slow Life on a Monster-Infested Mountain by NeonGhostCat (SVSSS) @neonghostcat

When SY transmigrates, the System tries to put him on SQQ's body, but SQQ is aware and is able to stop it from happening. The System then gives SY his own body, but something goes wrong with the system and SY is decided to not get involved with the plot, or with Cang Qiong Sect, and specially SQQ. He finds an abandoned mountain, with an abandoned house there and decides to stay there until he is strong enough if SQQ finds him and wants to kill him. Obviously things cannot be that simple. Now he is stuck on the mountain he can't get out of, every full moon night there are monster attacks and one day LQG appears on the Mountain, how can he get out of helping with the plot now? Shen Yuan is absolutely perfect on this fic. I love how he deals with the mountain and its beasts and plant-life. Liushen is the softest you'll see. Slow burn, super domestic, feel good story.

~

Enjoy your readings!

#fic rec #bad buddy #the old guard #atla #bnha #svsss #haikyuu #good omens #the witcher #patpran #nicky x joe #zukka #liushen #kagehina #dadzawa #aideku #erasermic #eraserdekumic #geraskier