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popatochisssp · 3 years

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Are any of the new guys ok with being child free? (I keep having to explain to my fam how I'm NOT EVER going to have kids) And I'd like some solidarity from fictional skeletons.

Broadly speaking, I think all of them would be okay with that! In general, all the boys’ idea of the future is uncertain and something they need to work out with their s/o, so that informs the perspective a lot.

I truly don’t think ‘no kids’ or ‘yes kids’ would be an explicit deal-breaker for any of them, but in terms of where their thoughts naturally fall about the topic:

Pre-discussion/negotiation, it’s probably a no: Sky (Underswap Sans), Paps (Underswap Papyrus), Mal (Swapfell Sans), Rus (Swapfell Papyrus), Ash (Undergloom Sans), Brick (Horrorfell Sans), Merc (Horrorswap Sans), Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans)

Genuinely neutral or undecided: Sans (Undertale), Pyre (Underfell Papyrus), Papy (Horrortale Papyrus), King (Horrorfell Papyrus), Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus), Sunny (Gastertale Sans), Aster (Gastertale Papyrus)

Pre-discussion/negotiation, it’s probably a yes: Papyrus (Undertale), Jasper (Underfell Sans), Slate (Horrortale Sans), Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus), Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus)

But like I said... they’re flexible, because your relationship and the future they want to have with you doesn’t work without... well, you!

If you’re a ‘definitely no kids’ person and you see your skeleton in the ‘yes’ category, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed-- it just means a couple conversations about it to convey your thoughts...and depending on the level of gungho for having kids he is (most aren’t married to it), maybe agreeing to a compromise where you adopt an animal or two and be dog/cat/iguana/whatever-the-hell parents.

Same goes for a ‘yes i want kids’ person who sees their skeleton of choice in the ‘no’ section, that’s just where they are before talking it all out with you. Some time and a few conversations to understand where everybody’s coming from and how to move forward, they’re willing to negotiate.

Kids or no kids, neither is a deal-breaker, it’s all fine and you can work it out together!

Y’know what, while I’m at it, here’s just the basic thought processes of all of them, just to give a little peek into their skulls on the matter...

Sans (Undertale): Kids are fun, doesn’t have any particularly strong desire to have one of his own, but he raised his kid brother for awhile and he knows it’s something he can do, if it’s what you want.

Papyrus (Undertale): Kids are great and he’d be a great parent, he just knows it! You’d be a great parent, too! ...But if that’s not what you want to do, then that’s okay. There’s plenty of other great things for you to do together in life!

Sky (Underswap Sans): Kids are wonderful, but raising his little brother solo after their dad disappeared... That was hard and he definitely wasn’t ready for the responsibility. It was a humbling experience and he refuses to commit to having kids of his own until he’s sure it’s something he sincerely, passionately wants.

Paps (Underswap Papyrus): Feels awkward around kids, as a rule, and also kind of thinks of himself as a (mostly contained, at least) disaster of a skeleton. Is he ready for the responsibility of being in charge of a brand new being’s growth and development??? Not sure! Not sure at all!

Jasper (Underfell Sans): He likes kids alright... thinks about maybe having some of his own someday, the idea of a family is nice, in his head... but he definitely isn’t sure about the reality. Worries about if he’d be a good enough parent, or if his kids (if he were to have them) would resent him or just not like him. It’s a nice idea, but nothing’s set in stone for him.

Pyre (Underfell Papyrus): Honestly never thought about it. Part of him fully expected to die Underground in some battle or other, or excepting that, he wouldn’t find a partner who’d want to be with him long-term, much less long enough that he could make a family with them. He’s not...explicitly opposed to it, but he also hasn’t given it a lot of thought at all. He’ll need time to sort out his feelings, whatever his partner’s opinions on potential kids are.

Mal (Swapfell Sans): Terrified, petrified to have kids of his own. Being around them is...fine, but... He’s got a lot of issues tied up with his...parent... and having to be a pseudo-parent to his own brother at a very young age, it’s made him worry about repeating patterns and failing, hurting, damaging, or otherwise doing his own children a disservice, if he were to have them-- even as a grown and well-situated adult. If kids are something his partner really wants, they’ve got those insecurities to talk about with him for sure.

Rus (Swapfell Papyrus): He’s actually really good with kids, he relates to them well and always just talks to them like people, so of course they love him. But having his own... That, he’s not sure about. He’s definitely a little bit of a disaster, and still working on a lot of Adult Life Skills, and the thought of being in charge of a whole entire brand new person is more than a little scary. Not sure if he’s ready for that step--or if he’ll ever be!

Slate (Horrortale Sans): Loves kids, and loves the idea of a big family. He’s had more than enough death, life is very appealing to him and a full house honestly sounds wonderful. ...But he does have some memory issues, a dash of narcolepsy, and some hard, dissociative days that make him worry he might not be a very good parent. He’d do his best to do right by his kids if he ends up having them, of course he would, but if that’s just not in the cards for him, that wouldn’t be the end of the world. He’s the one who’d definitely want to bring in some furbabies if two-legged babies aren’t on the table, and he’d still be a very, very happy man!

Papy (Horrortale Papyrus): He likes kids, but doesn’t have many strong feelings on having his own. He’d be alright either way his partner wanted to go-- as long as the two of them are together and safe and happy, he’s got everything he needs.

Ash (Undergloom Sans): Kids are fun, but honestly...oof. He��s got a chronic fatigue thing going on and keeping up with a kid for more than an hour or two at a time... he’s not sure he could hack it. Maybe he could, but that’s really something to think about before just diving in, y’know?

Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus): Very good with children! They’re so curious and bright and he loves that about them! He’s got a lot of nurturing, caretaker tendencies built right into his personality, so he’s a natural at looking after and corralling them. He’s easily flustered and moves slow in his romantic relationships, though, so there’s a long timeline before the ‘should we have kids’ talk is even on the table, plenty of chances to share thoughts and work out a gameplan, whether that’s yea or nay. If yea, wonderful! If nay, he’d probably be just as happy babysitting friends’ kids and being Cool Uncle Papyrus as having any of his own.

Brick (Horrorfell Sans): It’s... a nice thought. But he definitely doesn’t trust himself enough to feel totally comfortable having kids of his own. He barely trusts himself in Polite Society some days, and he’d just be too worried about not being in control and hurting or scaring a little one, especially a little one of his own. He doesn’t think he’d ever be able to forgive himself if he made his own kid afraid of him. Plus memory issues, nightmares, (depending on his fluency at the time) a language barrier... So ‘no kids’ is...probably preferable, but if it’s something you really want... maybe start with an animal or two first? The ol’ practice-baby pet, see how it goes kinda deal, and move forward from there.

King (Horrorfell Papyrus): Like his counterpart, never really thought about it much...but when he does, he decides he could go either way on it. If you’re not interested in kids, fine, that’s more time for just the two of you. If you are, well... he was literally a monarch that ruled over all of monsterkind, for a time--surely, he could manage to be a passingly decent parent, with you as his partner in the endeavor. He’ll take his cues from you as to whether it’s a yes or a no.

Merc (Horrorswap Sans): His feelings haven’t really changed from pre-Famine. In fact, he’s probably more hesitant now, after so viscerally confronting the consequences of his own hasty decisions and having to face his own fallibility the way he did. The thought of being responsible for a whole small life is very nerve-wracking--especially if said proposed life is to be biologically his, because he really doesn’t know what the DT in his system (pre or post-integration) will pass on to theoretical next-of-kin, if anything at all. Maybe not a ‘never,’ but not a vigorous, enthusiastic ‘yes’ either, lots to think about...and maybe tests to run...

Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus): A couple years ago, he’d have been a little more in the ‘no’ camp, but now... He’s been through a lot. He’s struggling sometimes still, at least emotionally, but he made it, so y’know... maybe he’s capable of handling more than he thought he was. Still not a solid ‘yes’--he’s aware of his lack of filter and its tendency to cause hurt feelings, and he does like his peace and quiet, which kids are very much not conducive to, as a rule, so he’d have to put in some work and make some sacrifices-- but he’s no longer wholly a ‘no’ either. Depending on your own thoughts, there’s plenty of room to negotiate.

Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans): Kids are fine, he can handle them well enough, and even the thought of having his own doesn’t stress him out so much as it once did--he’s changed a lot, and been through a lot, taking a second crack at parenthood from a new perspective wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world--but he’s also not particularly interested in it. He likes his leisure time and his luxuries, and much as he’s sure he could find room in that to accommodate a child...he doesn’t see much of a reason to. He could be convinced, if it’s something that you really want, but he’d also stay childfree without a second thought to the matter.

Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus): Good with kids, like his counterpart, but also a little more capable and confident in himself and his ability to get things done. So... having a kid might be a little intimidating for him, but he generally feels like he could probably figure it out... and a kid might be a nice outlet for some of his caretaking urges, and extra motivation to keep fighting his phobia, to make sure their childhood is good and doesn’t suffer from them having a dad who’s scared to go outside. He definitely likes the idea of someone to look after and to be better for, but if that’s not for you, he wouldn’t force the issue. Would maybe want a furbaby though, instead, probably special needs that not everybody could/would be able to take care of (like Dizzy!) to fill that niche.

Sunny (Gastertale Sans): Kids are really cool and fun to hang out with--crazy little people, no filter, just running around, saying things, living life--they’re awesome, but he’s not totally sold on the idea of having his own. He does a lot of aimless life-living himself, and he feels like maybe that’s not the best thing for a kid. He doesn’t really have a career, he does things without a lot of planning, he goes places spontaneously, and... maybe that’s fun and exciting for a kid to be raised around, or maybe it’s unstable and harmful. He’s not really sure which and he probably doesn’t want to bring a kid into the mix until he knows. With a partner who’s a ‘yes’ on children and can help him co-parent and all that, sure, he’d probably be willing to give it a go. With one who’s a ‘no,’ that’s fine too, it’s a nonissue!

Aster (Gastertale Papyrus): A little weird and stiff around kids, never totally sure how he’s supposed to talk to them or what he’s meant to say (especially when it comes to those things you’re supposed to lie to kids about, he’s very bad at that!!!), but he has nothing against children in general. As far as the idea of having his own... Well, if his partner wants to have kids, it wouldn’t be a no-- he’d just have to do a lot of research on the subject first, to feel more comfortable and to hopefully prepare, mentally, as much as one can ever prepare for this. After that, he’d be open to discuss and negotiate the matter with his partner from there, to sort out the logistics. With a partner who doesn’t want kids, though, he’d almost certainly never even bring it up on his own and honestly probably thinks of ‘childfree’ as the expected default rather than something quirky, nontraditional, or a deal-breaker.

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novelconcepts · 3 years

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yesterday i saw the discourse about the “queerbaiting” or “bury your gay” you had with some anons and yes, if i may say people — especially who’re watching bly now — don’t catch the metaphors behind the ghosts in the show. i mean, maybe i didn’t see myself people calling it a queerbaiting (mostly I’ve seen them talking about the bury your gay) but i sure saw people saying that dani and jamie were just a privileged couple, and they are bad representation .. and believe me this so hilarious, the proposal scene hint us how the 80s/90s where legal marriage wasn’t a thing were difficult ages for many gay/lesbians, or the scene in the flower shop where dani look outside the window for being sure no one watch them kissing, and mostly important: i think people don’t understand the role eddie’s, especially in his ghost form, has as the dani’s comphet that still haunt her, aside the guilty for his death. some people maybe watch it and didn’t catch how jamie in her monologue explain very well how her life was hard, it’s true we didn’t get many of her life before bly but because the whole show is around the “open to interpretation” we can assume some things, put aside that Amelia in cosycon gave us other “behind the scenes” of her character’s life before the manor. So people either saw them as queerbaiting because they don’t see the metaphor, also i think they think too much about the fact they doesn’t say explicitly they are lesbians, but in this show metaphors are something that are enough for understanding the plot, also mike and his crew tried to not focus too much into this things, trying to give characters that they have a personality aside their sexuality.

I really think people nowadays talk about in too easy way about the queerbaiting or the bury your gays, we have to be more careful about it and try to not see bad representation just because the characters don’t hate everyone around them <\3

Yeah, I think people slide too easily toward lumping everything that doesn’t personally work for them into toxic tropes, and that’s...more than a little disheartening, particularly for queer creators who want to tell complex human stories that don’t always come out shiny. I haven’t seen nearly this level of discourse with Bly, because I tend to stick to my corner of the internet, but I find myself thinking primarily of Happiest Season--a queer movie made by a huge number of queer people that was then torn to shreds by the community because it wasn’t what they expected/wanted to see. Not every piece of media is going to work for everyone, certainly, but the inclination to say “this didn’t do what I would have done, and therefore it is Bad” is really upsetting. And I think it’s dissuading a lot of creators from telling the stories they need to tell, because they just don’t have the energy to deal with the fallout.

But the idea that Dani and Jamie are a privileged couple is...interesting. Privileged in terms of being two white women, and therefore benefitting from that element, absolutely--the most viable critiques I’ve seen of the show are all based around its treatment of POC, and that’s very fair. But I think there’s also a difference between “privileged” and “more privileged than they could be”, and they fall into the latter camp. They’re still queer women in 1987, they’re still not safe shouting their love from the rooftops, and though the show was really kind in its refusal to give bigots a voice within its framework...the timeframe is still very intentional. Plus, Jamie is a child of trauma and abuse, Dani spends much of the show incredibly caged by comphet and societal expectation, and both are working more blue collar jobs taking care of wealthy kids. I really fail to see how they’d qualify as bad rep just because the show wasn’t willing to give a megaphone to homophobia--it feels to me like the perspective of people who think you can’t tell a gay story without a traumatic coming-out lens. Which, personally, I’m over. I want more stories that prioritize queerness and the normalizing of such in various genres. I’m not interested in a constant swell of “well, now I’m gonna get disowned or abused on-camera, and that’s how you know this isn’t easy.” I want more shows that don’t feel the need to write an essay on what it means to be gay, that just...show it as a normal, human part of living. That feels like the definition of good rep, from where I’m standing.

#ask #the haunting of bly manor spoilers #the haunting of meta #honestly not to open this can of worms again #but...just really bewildered at the idea that 'we didn't see them Suffer enough for being gay so it's bad rep'#i'd really like to think we're past that?#i want queer stories that feel human. where the characters feel fully realized. sometimes that's gonna look messy #sometimes it won't involve saying the words out loud #i'm fine with that. i'm not fine with calling everything that isn't universally perfect bad rep/queerbaiting/etc #makes me grumpy #anyway. gonna shift my brain to a new topic now but uh. woooo. folks are wild #Anonymous

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paintedlight · 3 years

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Supernatural Season 15 & Sufjan Stevens' “The Ascension”

Teaser: there’s a song on this album called "Die Happy” where the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” for 5 minutes and 45 seconds. yeah. yeah.

Disclaimer: yes it’s all a stretch and I’m overthinking it but also… am I? (yes)

long post time! know that reading ahead may hurt you and yes it does get worse the further down the track list you get 💕 have fun kids

So just to start off, I think it’s funny that something Sufjan’s discography & Supernatural have in common is the 15+ years of the internet arguing if it’s gay or not, and the answer ending up being yes. PLUS there’s the obvious connection of American mythos + mythology + calvinist themes (I am hissing) + religious trauma prevalent in both.

If you’re a fan of both like I am, it’s easy to connect them— notable connections being songs like “John My Beloved” and “The Owl and the Tanager” or even “John Wayne Gacy Jr.”, but I’m going to focus on Sufjan's 2020 album, “The Ascension” since even the arc itself seems so connected to season 15 of Supernatural, specifically.

At least in my head it does <3 enjoy

MAKE ME AN OFFER I CANNOT REFUSE

When interviewed about the meaning of this track, Sufjan explains that this song is about asking God, “what do you have to say for humanity?” That it’s about desperation, creation, and devastation. It’s about frustration with divinity. Also the vibes are 10/10. Need I say more

RUN AWAY WITH ME

This song is beautiful, it makes me want to sit in some grass and stare at the sky.

Some lines that make me Dean/Cas crazy are the two lines in verse 1 and verse 2 that mirror each other by being in the same place melodically:

Verse 1: they will terrorize us / with new confusion / with the fear of life that seeks to bring despair within

Verse 2: I will bring you life / a new communion / with a paradise that brings the truth to light within

Yeahhh so the words “Despair” and “The Truth” were mirrored in this song yes it was coincidental yes I’m clinging to it. It fascinates me

But this song is about begging someone to stay with you.

sweet falling remedy / come run away with me / you’re all I ever need

VIDEO GAME

My first thought when I heard this song was about how it was such a song for enneagram 4s. If you don’t know what that means, I think Dean is a 4 and wrote a post about it here.

AND @trapperjohnmcintyre also made the connection between these lyrics and Dean in this post, and honestly I don’t need to say much more than that??

The song is about feeling paranoid and angry that God is controlling your every move and you can’t escape it (aka hating the doctrine of predestination). Of course it’s also about not wanting to follow societal scripts.

You just want to have an easier life instead of the weight of good and evil resting on your back!!!

I don’t want to put the devil on a pedestal / I don’t want put the saints in chains / I just want to make my life a little easier / I don’t want to play your video game

Also these painful lines, as a treat:

I don’t want to love you if you don’t receive it / I don’t want to save the world that way

Oh, I almost forgot, also. At the end, the narrator gives up. He’s like well I guess I can’t escape. Gotta follow the procedure. Gotta be a puppet.

I don’t want it to go down that way / but in a way you gotta follow the procedure / so go ahead and play your video game

LAMENTATIONS

I don’t have much to say about this one but this line always makes my heart ache idk:

I was only thinking of human kindness

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

Here we gooooooo. Y’all aren’t ready.

Thesis: Tell me you love me despite the primordial darkness about to overtake me. And even if you don’t, I’m going to love you.

15x18 Despair anyone??

I want to just paste the whole song but, here—

DIE HAPPY

Yep, "Die Happy" immediately follows "Tell Me You Love Me." Yes, the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” over and over for almost 6 minutes.

First of all, the repetition mirrors the end of the song Fourth of July, from Sufjan’s previous album Carrie & Lowell, where Sufjan sings “we’re all gonna die” over and over.

Parallels, baby.

But I noticed something else about this recently though— in Die Happy, if you are listening to it in your headphones, there’s this weird sound that sounds like a wasp flying around your head (it made me uncomfortable which is why I noticed it, haha). After I felt unnerved for a moment, I had a realization— that this could be referencing one of Sufjan’s most beloved songs, “The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!!” (yes that’s a real song title lol)

The Predatory Wasp is about how Sufjan fell in love with his best friend at the Bible Camp he went to as a teenager. The wasp is a metaphor for internalized homophobia and also his love and how he fears his love will hurt the boy he’s in love with.

So, Die Happy references an iconic song from Illinois (2005) with these notable lines:

Tl;dr:

I want to die happy vs. I can’t explain the state that I’m in / the state of my heart / he was my best friend

Here’s an Despair photoset with Predatory Wasp lyrics via @toneelspeelster.

ATIVAN

So your best friend has just died happy by being in love with you. You feel like the primordial darkness is on YOU now:

I woke up in stereo—I spent the day in vertigo / I could not get the spirit off my back

You’re once again tossed in the waves of thinking that God is fucking with you. But either way you just want to be tranquilized at this point.

Is it all for something? Is it all part of a plan / tranquilize me, sanitize me, Ativan

Is it all for nothing? Is it all part of a plan? / make my death wish, mind my business / do the best I can with what I am

Ativan asks, was the true leading woman all this time… substance abuse??

Ativan / my leading woman

Long story short, you’re drunk on communion wine, asking the shadows to come back.

fill me with the blood of Jesus / clean my plate 'til he receives us / separate the colors from the black / ... / tell the shadows near us to come back

URSA MAJOR & LANDSLIDE

Not a lot to say about this (even though I love these songs) so I’m gonna skip mostly, but the narrator has decided he wants to love you, he can’t help it <3

GILGAMESH

Oh boy.

I mean you kinda know what’s coming because of the title. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the world’s oldest piece of epic world literature, and Gilgamesh was “the first hero of human history.”

In the world’s oldest story, The Epic of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh and Enkidu are “very close friends” (their relationship is very homoerotic and this is barely disputed). Gilgamesh calls Enkidu his brother, and they are mutually selfless towards each other but when Enkidu dies, indirectly because of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh has a breakdown and mourns him like that of a spouse and then has to come to terms with his own mortality.

The meta level of this is so obvious I’m not even going to go into it. Anyways… here are lyrics that make me want to scream!

the repetition of “my heart”... the concept of singing a eulogy.... saying your heart is chained to Your Angel............ it hurts

DEATH STAR

Star Wars reference my beloved. Like many of these songs this has Fuck You God energy.

what you call the human race / expedite the judgement day / it’s your own damn head on that plate

vandalize what you create / ... / witness me resist your fate / it’s your own damn head on that plate

GOODBYE TO ALL THAT

This song is a bop honestly

When the lyrics were released a bunch of Sufjan fans contrasted Goodbye To All That’s here I am alone in my car / hopelessly infatuted / and I’m driving to wherever you are to Sufjan & Moses Sumney’s song, “Make Out in My Car”.

Yeah, I know, we’re all thinking of this:

Make Out in My Car is basically where Moses gave Sufjan a horny car guy chorus and told him to write the verses, and Sufjan proceeded to write the most liturgical shit ever (and we love him for it). ANYWAYS… Goodbye To All That also reminds me of Dean’s depression and the weirdness that started in 15x19 and goes into 15x20. For some reason he makes it seem more upbeat and happy than it is...

Despite this song being a bop, the lyrics are depressing. He’s alone in his car. He’s hopeless. He realizes it’s too late to have died a young man.

He’s going to try to move on, even though nothing is left of him, he’s begging someone to turn around and show me his shadow.

He also references substance abuse again—

love me / and leave me / intoxicated

SUGAR

The music video? Iconic. The mom of a family is making a pie, or she’s trying to. She ends up rubbing the filling all over her face, crushing the fruits, the oven catches on fire.

But she does it! She makes the pie.

Meanwhile the other family members are in their rooms, overindulging in sugar in all its forms. And then as she and her family eat around a dining table, occassionally being seemingly marrioetted by some unseen force, she looks angrily over her family, they all seem to kind of lose it, then the house starts to come apart until the chandelier falls on the dinner table.

It’s the making pie + overindulgence in sugar + marionetted family metaphors for me ❤️

Ultimately, the song is about begging for affection, being desperate for domesticity, but you feel doomed, you feel like your defeat is predestined, that you can’t escape it.

You just don’t want to be heartbroken & you don’t want to be angry anymore!!!!

THE ASCENSION

So you may be asking… does this guy get the domesticity he’s longing for?? Does he get his love back??

No. He dies. :/

The Ascension begins with just that. He’s dying.

THEN Sufjan decides to rhyme “confess” with “confess”, in two lines that mean almost opposite things:

When I am dead / and the light leaves my breast / nothing to be told / nothing to confess / let the record show / what I couldn’t quite confess

So does this guy have something to confess or not??? 👀

Moving on…

He goes back to thinking about how his life was predestined all along, and now after all that, he’s dying. So he thinks about all the times he was kind of like this Mythological Icon. That he always had to be the one to show what was right, to lead by example. That that had been his entire identity.

And he realizes he needs to answer for himself.

Then he is frightened— realizing he was always asking what everything meant, what it all was for, but that all along he was just angry and depressed.

But even though he feels a like he should have just resigned himself to meaninglessness, that he only thought he could change the world for the better… it strengthened him to know the truth.

And even through the absolute shit of it all, and even though God & others did things from a place of so-called holiness and hopelessness...

He did everything out of love ❤️

So then he dies 🙃

AMERICA

So, as the end of The Ascension asked, what now?

The album ends on this long track, which Sufjan describes as a protest against all that America has been and has become.

It’s a protest against capitalism, of destroying humanity for the sake of some cold machinery.

I have worshipped / I believed / I have broke your bread / for a splendor of machinery

And in true Sufjan fashion, he makes this song about protesting somehow both horny and religious, god bless

I have loved you / like a dream / I have kissed your lips / like a Judas in heat

I have worshipped / I have cried / I have put my hands in the wounds on your side / I have tasted of your blood / I have choked on the waters / I abated the flood / I am broken / I am beat / but I will find my way / like a Judas in heat

I am fortune / I am free / I’m like a fever of light / in the land of opportunity / don’t do to me / what you did to America / don’t do to me / what you do to yourself

to finish out, here’s a DeanCas post by @eggcessive with lyrics from America ❤️ I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY WEBWEAVING :)

#sufjannatural #sufjanatural #destiel meta #spn #deancas #sufjan #here it is.... my masterpiece #this didn't take as long as you'd think considering all of this has been on the tip of my tongue for months #<3 I hope others freak out along with me <3 I'm obsessed with the album and his voice #I feel kinda weird posting this bc this album also had like a ton of personal spiritual significance to me.... but it's fine #those things can be connected

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ceescedasticity · 4 years

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Jin Guangyao’s Hoarding Problem, version 2, part 1

Okay I’m still not writing this PROPERLY.

Canon notes: This is mostly but not entirely CQL-canon. If I write it through to the end, it will probably turn out better than canon for JGY, but not what you’d call WELL.

***

Jin Guangyao has a lot on his plate: scheming for the Jin Sect’s advancement and Jin Guangshan's elevation to Chief Cultivator; scheming for his personal advancement within the Jin Sect; trying to get Qin Cangye to let him marry his daughter; trying to juggle his sworn brothers; dealing with the tragic death of his half-brother; dealing with the weird thirteen-year-old half-brother that's been dropped on him in some sort of power play; managing the whole Yiling Laozu… thing. There's a lot. He didn't particularly want more. Really.

So Xue Yang — all right, technically Xue Yang is his fault, in that he went and found Xue Yang and brought him back, but his father wanted someone who could do demonic cultivation for them, and that basically meant Xue Yang. The demonic cultivation (n.b.: demonic cultivation may involve any or all of animated corpses, murderous ghosts, and visible resentful energy!) was Jin Guangshan's idea, so Xue Yang is his fault. The whole demonic cultivation… workshop in a subsidiary Jin property near Jinlintai is also Jin Guangshan's fault.

(…This "workshop" needs a name. Wiktionary tells me that "dizang" (地藏) can be a literary term for cellar or basement. The workshop is not completely underground, but it partially is; plus, the word is also the name of a bodhisattva and the irony appeals to me. Hopefully this is not a terrible mistake, but: let's call it the Dizang.)

The Ghost General being chained up in a cell rather than being destroyed was… mostly Jin Guangyao's idea, actually. Jin Guangshan wanted to destroy the thing that killed his precious son, but he accepted that having an example fierce corpse — an example conscious fierce corpse — could only help their research. He also salivates at the idea of being able to control him.

Jin Guangyao floated the idea of also keeping Wen Qing, who after all was an unmatched physician…? Jin Guangshan blew him off. Who cared about a stupid Wen bitch, probably the Yiling Laozu's whore… he hopes she screams when she's burned.

The heavily bruised woman in Wen Qing's clothing does scream. She doesn't say she's not Wen Qing, because at least this way she doesn't have to go back to Xue Yang. None of the Jin cultivators assisting at the execution notice a thing, because they are all stupid.

Jin Guangyao doesn't know Wen Qing, but he knows of her, from his time in Qishan, and Xue Yang has met her and contribute a little more information. Wen Qing isn't afraid to get her hands literally dirty, but metaphorically — she doesn't like it. But she would do anything to keep her brother safe. Wen Ruohan kept her on a leash for years. It's doable. He can just keep her shut away in the Dizang, and no one will know.

He wants her to cooperate, not try to escape, treat anyone he brings to her for treatment, and prepare medicinal compounds upon request. In exchange, she gets to live, she'll be decently treated, Wen Ning gets a break from being a research subject to come see her at least once a month, and Wen Ning will be used only as a research subject — they won't use him to kill anyone.

She agrees.

Wen Ning gets his attention, when he's being escorted away after the first visit, and says that if his sister is given any victims to patch up and send back for more, he will end the deal himself, by killing everyone involved if necessary. He's… probably bluffing? Jin Guangyao really wasn't expecting conditions from that corner but agrees, sort of — any such patients will be negotiated for separately.

Then he has to go, cause there's a pledge conference he has to get to.

Jin Guangyao's reasons for having Su Minshan use a teleporting talisman to take Jiang Yanli to Wen Qing may include, but are not limited to, the following:

He actually kind of likes her, as much as he likes anyone in Jinlintai. She's always respectful to him. Her kindness reminds him a little of Lan Xichen.

If her life is saved because Jin Guangyao's man took her to Jin Guangyao's personal physician, then Yunmeng Jiang will owe Lanling Jin and Jiang Wanyin will owe Jin Guangyao. Granted Jiang Wanyin wasn't a whole lot of help to the last people he owed a massive debt to, but Jin Guangyao is a lot more willing to aggressively hold it over his head than Wen Qing and Wen Ning were.

Having Wen Qing's first patient be someone she would like to save, who is not a prisoner, may help… start slow. Ease into things.

If Jiang Yanli dies, Jiang Wanyin is going to become intolerable, and Jin Guangshan will probably push dealing with him off on Jin Guangyao.

So that happens.

Su Minshan is not otherwise occupied with a second flute. Wei Wuxian is running on too much resentment and not enough sleep, his own grief and guilt and fury tangled up with all the feelings he's been around — from the Burial Mounds, from the history of Nightless City, from the live people right there. He was at least half out of his mind when he arrived and it only got worse from there, and things… happened, and the corpses weren't listening to him anymore. He did try to stop it, when Jiang Yanli asked him to. He couldn't, but not because of outside interference. He just couldn't. And he's vaguely aware that Jiang Yanli might not be dead, that someone was yelling about a doctor, but she looked pretty dead and it was his fault and everyone wants the goddamn Seal and they're killing each other over it and he ruins everything he touches and there's nothing left, nothing, and Jiang Cheng is telling him to go to hell—

He falls.

The bloodbath grinds to a halt, slower than it should have with one primary driver. A lot of people are dead; a lot of people are still alive; many of them are even ready for action.

In another universe, Jiang Sect might have elbowed its way into taking the lead in the hunt for the Yiling Laozu's body. Jiang Cheng would have found Chenqing (and maybe something more, that he discreetly buried and never spoke of). In this universe, either someone stole Jiang Yanli's body or else — and he doesn't even want to let himself hope but he can't not — she is alive and he doesn't know where she is. Neither of these scenarios is acceptable. Finding her body (don't hope for more, don't hope for more) is the highest priority. Jiang Sect mostly clears out.

Much of the available members of Jin Sect take off for the Burial Mounds for plunder and wiping out the remaining Wens! [Who did not turn themselves in with Wen Qing and Wen Ning, that was stupid.] It really wouldn't do to have anyone else get the loot and/or have everyone realize the Wens are noncombatants. (The Jin know perfectly well they're noncombatants.) They aren't alone — there are a number of tagalongs from sects great and small — but it's mainly Jins. This is roughly as it is in the usual universe.

Lan Sect is abruptly preoccupied with internal issues, which internal issues are also taking off for the Burial Mounds, also as in the usual universe.

Nie Sect gets left with more than its share of cleanup, most likely also as in the usual universe.

Jin Guangyao, who as we recall rose to a position of significant trust in Wen Ruohan's Nightless City, takes a shortcut down to the bottom of the cliff (which is not actually lava that is very unsafe). Just to look, before he follows to the Burial Mounds to make sure they don't miss anything important in the looting.

He isn't expecting to to find Wei Wuxian somehow still alive. Just barely.

The logical thing to do would be to finish him, or summon everyone and let the careless handling kill him in minutes. Everyone wants him dead, he's clearly dying, simple enough.

Except…

Wei Wuxian is insane, and has been at least since he walked away from power and privilege to go camp in a mass grave with a pathetic bunch of fugitives. Probably longer. But there's no denying he's brilliant. No one every cultivated with resentment without Yin Iron before him, at least not at such a scale. And it's not like he's dangerous in this condition. And would anyone really be surprised not to the find a body? Maybe he turned into evil smoke and floated away. So maybe…

He has to wait for Su Minshan to get back, because trying to move Wei Wuxian in any normal way would probably kill him straight out.

Wen Qing gets about an hour break between healing Jiang Yanli to the point where Su Minshan can safely take her back to the normal Jin healers and Jin Guangyao and Su Minshan teleporting in with 90% dead Wei Wuxian.

(If he's here, no one is protecting the Burial Mounds. It was all for nothing.)

She thinks it might be kinder to let him die. She seriously thinks about letting him die. But she can't bring herself to do it.

There's only so much she can do, of course, in the absence of a golden core. But she can keep him alive, for the moment.

When he's stable — for the moment — Jin Guangyao comments that she wasn't surprised by the lack of a golden core.

Wen Qing says of course she wasn't, she was his doctor in the Burial Mounds for a year.

Jin Guangyao says that he was surprised, because he'd read Wen Zhuliu's reports and he never said anything about destroying Wei Wuxian's core — just Jiang Wanyin's. (He's lying. He noticed the oddity of Jiang Wanyin's non-missing core almost immediately after the war, and while at first he suspected Wen Zhuliu must have lied for once in his life, Wei Wuxian's non-use of spiritual energy led him to suspect something close to the truth. He wasn't sure Wen Qing was involved until just now, but that's not a surprise either.)

He says he knows she did it. (He's not lying. Wen Qing schools her expressions well, she had to in order to survive Wen Ruohan's Qishan, but Jin Guangyao is on another level.)

Wen Qing says it doesn't matter, it doesn't work without a voluntary donor, so it's of extremely limited utility. (This is not technically a lie, as it has definitely never been done without a voluntary donor. And it might be true in general.)

He lets it go, for the moment.

Wei Wuxian is slow to wake, and not in a very good place once he does. It's a relief and a comfort to know that Jiang Yanli is alive, and Wen Qing is alive, and Wen Ning is no less alive than before.

But with Wei Wuxian out of the way the Jins are going to kill everyone in the Burial Mounds and all of them know it.

Practically speaking it doesn't make much difference — the sects were going to attack the Burial Mounds one way or another, and Wei Wuxian was in no condition to defend anything. But dying trying to defend them would have been better than dying for nothing and abandoning them.

Wen Qing mostly doesn't blame him, because it doesn't make much difference and she knew he wasn't going to be making many rational decisions. But she tells him the best thing he can do to try to make up for it is not abandon her and A-Ning now.

He lives.

That doesn't mean he's well enough to reconstruct the Stygian Tiger Seal, or interpret any of his notes, or even talk to you, Xue Yang, does Jin Guangyao know you're here?

Xue Yang is eminently unsuitable for delivering supplies to a sickroom, and Su Minshan has a sect he's supposed to be running and can't be lurking around Lanling all the time. So, Jin Guangyao conscripts Mo Xuanyu, weird thirteen-year-old, who is desperate for any scrap of attention and approval and becomes instantly devoted to him, and who no one is going to miss anywhere else.

(If Jin Guangyao had waited a little longer to pull Mo Xuanyu into his orbit, this wouldn't have been the case — Jiang Yanli would have taken him under her wing. But right now she's isolated, still both convalescing and mourning, and Madam Jin keeps Mo Xuanyu well away from her.) (Mo Xuanyu considers Madam Jin's treatment of him completely normal, incidentally.)

And for a little while we have a status quo.

#things i'm not writing #jgy's hoarding problem tellfic

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maddie-grove · 3 years

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Little Book Review: Help at Any Cost

Author: Maia Szalavitz.

Publication Date: 2006.

Genre: Nonfiction.

Premise: Szalavitz examines the history of "tough love" programs for teens, from their super-shady roots in the encounter-group movement of the 1960s, to their track record of abusing and sometimes killing teens in the 1970s-2000s, to the legal challenges they started to face towards the turn of the century. She also recommends better ways to help troubled teens, such as not treating them like dirt and getting them actual, evidence-based psychological help when they need it.

Thoughts: Three quotes come to mind. First, from Holes by Louis Sachar:

If you take a bad boy and make him dig a hole every day in the hot sun, it will turn him into a good boy.

That was what some people thought.

Second, from blue-beetle (maybe):

If you are not paying for it, you’re not the customer; you’re the product being sold.

Third, from Dear Prudence of yesteryear Emily Yoffe, to the concerned mother of a teen boy with a thing for dishwashing gloves:

[Dr. Martin] Kafka says your son needs a complete psychological workup. ... To find the right therapist, Kafka recommends contacting the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers—not because your son is or will be an abuser, but because these professionals are knowledgeable about paraphilias.

People just lose their ever-loving minds when it comes to unruly teenagers. It's understandable, to a degree. Teens are at a developmental stage where emotions are volatile and impulse control is a light suggestion. Some of them also become incredibly strong overnight and/or develop the ability to insult adults with uncanny accuracy. Add to this the serious repercussions for teens (especially those who aren't rich or white) who perform poorly in school or get into legal trouble. It's no wonder parents freak out sometimes. Yet, to let your child be treated with less kindness than a stray dog, or to endanger their long-term physical, mental, social, or financial well-being in order to "fix" behavior in the short term, often while forking over a small fortune without questioning the motives of the people who run the program? It's hard for me to wrap my head around, but Szalavitz describes a waning yet widespread industry that gets parents to do just that, often with the approval of courts and insurance companies.

My prior knowledge of "tough-love" programs came mostly from fiction, plus the odd half-remembered magazine expose. Wilderness boot camps seem to fare better in fiction than other kinds of programs (see the Lifetime Original Movie Augusta, Gone; Wendelin Van Draanen's Wild Bird; and a particularly chilling but under-discussed plot point in 13 Reasons Why). This seems concerning, given that these kind of programs can so easily go wrong due to the already-risky conditions. Other stories, notably "The Pelican Bar" by Karen Joy Fowler and Boot Camp by Todd Strasser, read like the authors had Help at Any Cost open on their desks while they were writing. None of these works fully capture the insidious way these companies work on parents, though, or the devastating long-term effects on many teens.

The really scary thing about this book is that, while there are a few parents who had an extremely distorted and negative view of their child before encountering any of these programs, many more got tricked and intimidated into thinking that this was the only way to save their children from a life of drug addiction and premature death...even if the child in question was a sweet-natured thirteen-year-old whose most subversive act was wanting to accessorize like Madonna in 1985, or a college student who managed to hold down a job while making good grades but sometimes smoked pot in the late 1970s. Now that's Kafka-esque. Maybe even Dr. Martin Kafka-esque.

Hot Goodreads Take: One largely positive review calls the book "a bit of a biased account." I think the bias they're talking about is that Szalavitz clearly thinks these places are bad.

#I heard about this book from forthegothicheroine #so thank you to her it was great!#little book review #maia szalavitz #help at any cost #child abuse for ts

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random-thought-depository · 3 years

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So, in my last post I wrote this:

“Like … right now I’m planning out a story I intend to write in January; it’s supposed to be a kind of deconstruction of the Fremen mirage, and very much one of the thoughts going into it is “yo, a Proud Warrior Race would be a horrible society to live in or have as neighbors, we shouldn’t romanticize them!” and yet … I feel that the “bad guy” culture in it is much better, from a literary viewpoint, for me having given some thought to the material base of their society and how that would shape their culture. I could have just written them as flat edgelordy-grimdark barbarians, but thinking about their culture in materialist terms gave me a more complex and nuanced picture that I think will make for a more interesting and nuanced story and a fictional society that feels more interesting and human and alive.”

So, I want to infodump a little about this fictional culture I’ve thought up! I’m splitting this up into two posts because otherwise it’d be long in a way my Tumblr’s format is not kind to; in the first post I’m going to talk about the material base that defines this fictional society I’ve thought up, and in the second post I’m going to talk about more historically contingent features of their culture.

Note: for a lot of what’s in this post, I tried to make something hard SF-ish, but much of what I’ve written was the result of kind of “working backwards” from the sort of culture I was imagining to a material base that might create such a culture. So this is more playing with an idea than an attempt at anything particularly realistic.

Material base:

The basic political and economic unit of this society is the semi-self-sufficient space habitat community. These communities are about the size of a small town, I’m thinking thousands to tens of thousands of people (though I haven’t quite fixed it firmly, and anyway there’s wide variation; more successful communities are bigger). This town-size community lives in a semi-mobile space habitat, which I’m thinking is more-or-less a hollow cylinder spun for centrifugal gravity attached to a central spindle which is spacecraft construction facilities, engines, etc.. This space habitat contains enough hydroponic gardens, industrial machinery, etc. that the habitat can sustain itself completely independently for at least a few years. The space habitat has a rocket engine and a hyperspace engine, so it’s mobile, and these people are at least semi-nomadic, often moving their habitats when faced with opportunity or danger. The space habitat carries smaller spacecraft that can be detached and sent out to mine asteroids and KBO-type bodies, scoop helium 3 up from gas giant atmospheres, etc. and return these resources to the main habitat. Along with a closed life support system and efficient recycling, this makes such a community almost self-sufficient (though the almost qualifier is important, as I’ll discuss later).

People who are remembering Brett Devereaux’s last essay here may have noted a certain parallel with steppe nomads, with the main habitat being kind of analogous to the mobile but vulnerable main nomad camp where the non-combatants, livestock, and valuables are kept while the smaller resource-gatherer etc. craft are kinda analogous to the highly mobile horse-mounted war parties.

The reason these communities are so small is that their economies are not resource-limited but machinery-limited, labor-limited, and skilled specialized labor limited. Most raw materials these people may need are super-abundant to them, the bottleneck is transforming those raw materials into air, food, machinery, furniture, useful energy, etc. and maintaining efficient almost-closed loops of recycling. Sustaining a space community requires lots of complex machinery and lots of specialized skilled labor, and maintaining and replacing the machinery often requires more complex machinery (tools to make the tools) and more specialized skilled labor. Keeping humans alive in space is hard, so the return on investment from this is low. Therefore, these communities generally try to make efficient use of labor and maintain more-or-less the smallest viable population.

This implies reproduction within communities like this will probably be carefully controlled. A community like this must stay within a delicate balance; they must have enough people to do all the necessary labor with a comfortable safety margin to avoid situations like the only person with some important skill dying unexpectedly before they could train their replacement, but they must not have so many people that they strain the life support capacity of their habitat. That suggests reproduction usually tightly and deliberately controlled to stay at more-or-less replacement rate and no more.

It also implies a community like this will probably be quite communitarian and disciplined. Consumption will have to be tightly controlled. The means of production will probably be directly controlled by the political leadership. Its economy would probably look communist-ish to us, or maybe like a Bronze Age palace economy, with most necessities and luxuries being distributed basically as rations. Commercial transactions will be marginal to the internal economies of these communities; they’ll probably exist, but only in the form of informal mostly small-scale barter (think something similar to the cigarette economy that may exist in a prison), and they will not be anyone’s primary occupation or source of subsistence or power. Internal economic inequality within a community like this will be mostly a matter of status, not wealth; if somebody eats better it’s because they receive more and better food as an entitlement associated with their political office and/or social status, not because they own a big pile of gold that they use to buy food or something. Probably a community like this will be fairly economically egalitarian even if it is socio-politically unequal; if there’s a king he might have a somewhat bigger apartment, somewhat more and better food, a nice wardrobe of good-quality clothes with lots of bling, etc., but the difference in access to resources between him and one of his servants would be trivial compared to the difference in access to resources between me and a billionaire.

OK, but these people are supposed to be “bad guys” and a “Proud Warrior Race,” so where does that come in? Well, now let’s look at the economy of a community like this and ask: what might they need to get from other communities, and by extension what might they want to violently steal from outsiders?

Certainly not raw resources! If they want water, nitrogen, deuterium, iron, copper, platinum, etc. they can just send out a mining ship to an asteroid or KBO-like body to get some and bring it to them. If they want helium 3 they can just send out a scoop-ship to go down into the atmosphere of the nearest gas giant, gather some up, and bring it to them. And so on. Raw resources are mostly super-abundant to a culture like this and it would make no sense to risk injury or death stealing them from armed outsiders (there are a few exceptions to this that prove the rule, more on that later). So, if not raw resources, what?

Remember that their economy is machinery-limited. They need lots of complex machinery to survive, and then they need more complex machinery to repair and replace that complex machinery (tools to make the tools), and then sometimes they need tools to make the tools to make the tools, and so on. If each community had to be completely self-sufficient this might spiral out unmanageably. But it becomes much more manageable if they are just mostly self-sufficient and tap into larger commercial/industrial networks, e.g. a mostly planet-dwelling society with some orbital infrastructure and asteroid mining that has millions of people. Then if there’s the occasional hard to make spare part they can’t make themselves, it’s not a big deal, they can just send a trading expedition to get some of those parts from outsiders every ten years or so. Or if there’s some hard to make anti-viral drug they can’t make themselves, again, no big deal, they can just send a trading expedition to get some of it from outsiders every few years. A trading expedition ... or a raiding expedition.

Probably they would usually prefer to trade, humans usually prefer sharing or trading to violent theft because it’s less risky, violent theft means the possibility of injury or death (plus in this case complex machinery would be likely to get smashed up in a violent heist). A mutually beneficial trading relationship between a culture like this and a planet-dweller culture would be quite natural; to these people a planet-dweller society is rich in labor but poor in mineral resources such as platinum, while to planet-dwellers this space-dweller culture is rich in mineral resources but poor in labor and certain kinds of machinery and high value added finished goods. But here we have a potential basis for a culture that follows a Viking-style strategy of “if they outgun us, trade, if we outgun them, raid,” with the consequence of this culture’s relationship to other societies being a mix of trade and war.

Some raw resources may be worth stealing here; exceptions that prove the rule that for a space-dwelling culture like this raw resources aren’t worth stealing but value-added finished goods may be. For example, it’s theoretically possible to sift small quantities of naturally occurring antimatter from gas giant magnetic fields, and that stuff might be valuable for catalyzing fusion reactions. That might be worth stealing, because in a sense it’s a raw resource that’s kind of like a finished good; the difficulty is concentrating the very diffuse stuff; an antimatter capture facility with its Penning traps almost full might be worth raiding in the same way a big hoard of gathered acorns might be worth raiding for hunter-gatherers (this resource is abundant but diffuse, somebody else has taken the trouble to gather a lot of it into one spot, you can effectively appropriate their hard work by stealing the hoard). Similarly I could see this culture opportunistically intercepting freighters carrying helium 3, mined semi-refined asteroid material, etc., not so much stealing the resources as functionally stealing the labor of gathering and refining the resources.

There’s another thing a community like this might want to take from outsiders: people.

The economy of a community like this is also skilled specialized labor limited. In fact, that’s probably the more fundamental bottleneck: they can’t build and operate all the machinery they need to be truly self-sufficient because they don’t have the skilled specialist labor, and this is an equilibrium trap because trying to create more skilled specialist labor has a low return on investment for them; keeping a human alive in space is resource-intensive, and a new human probably won’t begin to give them a return on the investment for at least 15 years or so, likely longer (skilled specialized labor, so think e.g. doctors and engineers and literal rocket scientists; training them will take time). One way a community like this can adjust the equation to be more in its favor is to acquire skilled specialized laborers who have already been raised and trained by a different community; then they can skip all the investment in the child and go straight to benefiting from the labor of the fully trained adult.

There’s another reason a community like this might want to take people: genetic diversity. We’re talking about a small community, maybe a few tens of thousands of people, that is somewhat isolated. Inbreeding and lack of genetic diversity can kill small and isolated communities. As I said earlier, reproduction in a community like this will probably be extensively controlled, and I think one aspect of that might be controlling marriages to eliminate or minimize the risks associated with inbreeding. But it would be helpful if a community like this could assimilate some outsiders every generation, to increase its genetic diversity. So the community may want to assimilate even outsiders who don’t have any particularly in-demand specialist skills, to boost its genetic diversity.

Note: while this is a setting where aliens exist, it’s one that’s demographically dominated by humans, so most of the foreigners these people interact with will be other humans. This is significant here.

These two motivations synergize with each other. Most obviously, assimilating a skilled specialist outsider increases the community’s skilled specialist labor pool and also the community’s genetic diversity. But also, because of dynamics adjacent to Baumol’s cost disease, even relatively “unskilled” labor would be valuable in a community like this. Somebody who cleans toilets frees up somebody else to be e.g. a doctor or a nuclear engineer, in a much more reliable and direct way than is the case in a high-population capitalist society like ours. So even assimilating a relatively “unskilled” outsider could both increase the community’s genetic diversity and give it a real economic boost (as with a skilled specialist, compared to creating a new worker through natural reproduction and education, it’s a significant savings to the community if the new worker has been raised to adulthood by a different community).

I’m putting “unskilled” in quotes here cause I think when people say “unskilled” when talking about labor often what they are really talking about is “skills that are taught outside formal school institutions” or “skills that are transmitted but not taught.” I think “unskilled” in this sense is often a political term used to devalue people’s labor and justify people being paid little, worked hard, exposed to unpleasant working conditions, etc., so I don’t like using it ... but I can’t think of a better word to quickly communicate the concept I want to communicate here; I must work with the language my culture has given me. But I’ll put it in quotes here, to indicate I’m not using the concept uncritically.

Aside: you might think that a labor-limited community would make lots of use of robots and other automation, but I’m not sure that’d be true of these people. You’d think a futuristic super-Roomba would be a labor savings compared to a person with a simpler hand-pushed vacuum cleaner, but what about all the labor and machinery needed to make the Roomba? A Roomba represents a strategy of investing secondary sector labor to save tertiary sector labor, and that makes sense if you’ve got a big population and can build big factories so you can benefit from economies of scale, but it might not work as well for almost-self-sufficient small communities. A Roomba factory may be worth it if it saves the labor of a million human cleaners, but what about if it saves the labor of 100 human cleaners? A human is a very useful general-purpose gadget that can replace many specialized gadgets. So I think, counterintuitively, in a community like this you might actually see a lot of theoretically relatively easily automated manual labor being done by humans. This would synergize with a strategy of assimilating some relatively “unskilled” outsiders to increase genetic diversity; these people must be fed, given air to breathe, etc. like everyone else, so it would make sense to try to take advantage of their “as a human, they are a very useful general-purpose gadget that can replace many specialized gadgets” feature. Remember, this is a community that would want to make efficient use of labor and that would want to maintain approximately replacement rate reproduction.

As I said, humans generally prefer sharing or trading to violent theft, because violent theft is risky, and I think that would probably apply here too. Space communities like this would likely have traditions of peacefully “trading” people with each other. One relatively nice way this might happen is e.g. every ten years communities exchange groups of young volunteer emigrants. A less nice way is something like a political leader selling another community’s political leader a doctor and receiving as payment two relatively “unskilled” but young, pretty, and fertile women to be brides for his sons. But again, where trade is a possibility, violent theft is also a possibility. So along with stealing machinery and value-added finished goods, a primary goal of raiding may be capturing people; especially skilled specialists such as doctors, nuclear engineers, etc., but anyone who looks like they might make a good slave might be opportunistically abducted.

If this is starting to sound like nightmare fuel, you’re not wrong, but there is one significant mitigating factor. Remember that the most high-value and sought-after captives would be skilled specialists such as doctors, nuclear engineers, etc.. This is the kind of work where trying to extract labor from people by simple brutality doesn’t work well. You can’t just whip a computer programmer to make them code faster, and you really don’t want to anger the person who fixes the machine that makes the air you breathe, one of the people who tend the nuclear reactor that creates energy for your community, or the person who might do surgery on you. So the experience of being captured and enslaved by these people will often be less chain gang or Gor novel stuff and more “You are given a small but comfortable apartment, decent food, and moderate work assignments. It is made clear to you that bad things will happen to you if you make trouble or don’t work. If you obey your captors and do the work they tell you to do, they will be nice to you and treat you well. Their ultimate plan is to get you to become accustomed to your new life, make friends, get a boyfriend or girlfriend and make a child or three with them, and in this way become sufficiently invested in your new community that you wouldn’t want to go home even if you could.”

Of course, let’s not be too charitable to people who are basically enslavers; that’s how relatively high-value captives are treated, less valued captives are at much more risk of physical and sexual abuse, reproductive coercion, and unsafe and unpleasant working and living conditions.

If you’ve read James C. Scott’s The Art of Not Being Governed and Against The Grain, this may remind you a little of Mr. Scott’s thesis that for much of the history of civilization states were labor-limited, not land-limited. Mr. Scott’s work was a big inspiration to me when I was imagining this culture. Someday I might make a post talking about how I think “the purpose of war isn’t to acquire resources, it’s to acquire people, infrastructure, and machinery” is one of the more plausible paradigms for war in space, but this is long enough so I’ll leave that for another day.

Earlier I drew an analogy between the resource gatherer ships of these people and the war parties of steppe nomads. The context I’ve described here makes the analogy much better. Communities like this won’t just carry resource gatherer ships, but also raiding ships, built for raiding and heavily armed. This also implies violence will be a substantial factor in the life of a community like this; either they will have a significant class of professional warriors, or raiding and preparing for raiding will be a significant part of the average person’s life. I’m going with the first option, which is how you get a Proud Warrior Race instead of weekend-warrior types; as is usual in cases like this, the “Proud Warrior Race” is actually a specific privileged class within this society, and when you read that they are proud you should think of it in that context. I’ll talk about that a lot more in my next post, in which I’ll talk about these people as a culture instead of just as an economy.

#my writing #worldbuilding #James C. Scott #my big ideas #cw: slavery #cw: rape #cw: reproductive coercion #space #hard SF #warning: long #Artemis of the airless vastness

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neuxue · 4 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 6

Morgase serves tea and makes a choice

Chapter 6: Questioning Intentions

Oh man Morgase POV is always sad.

Though I suppose her situation now is arguably better than it’s been in…oh…ten books or so, so maybe it will get better for her.

Right now, she’s serving tea.

Tam al’Thor, the simple farmer with the broad shoulders and the calm manners.

And also your in-law. Well, sort of. I mean, it’s complicated.

Okay sorry now I’m distracted by the thought of how absurd those family dinners would be. You’ve got Rand, Elayne, Min, and Aviendha (we’re just going to count that bonding as a marriage because to all intents and purposes…), then Tam, Morgase, Min’s aunts (are they alive? Why can I not remember this?), probably Amys given the sister-bonding ceremony, and if she’s there Rhuarc and Lian probably would be as well. Then Birgitte and Niella and Galad and Gawyn, and that’s just the immediate family but would you also have to extend a courtesy invite to Alanna, and therefore also Ihvon? And if we’re extending courtesy invites based on ‘has real estate in Rand’s head’ then we’ve got to invite Moridin as well, and at that point even without additional plus-ones I don’t envy the person who has to make that seating chart.

That was a tangent.

Of course, Morgase had seen Rand al’Thor once, and the boy hadn’t looked much more than a farmer himself.

Okay I do sort of want to be a fly on the wall when Morgase finds out that Elayne is pregnant with his child.

Speaking of seating charts, we get a roll call for this meeting but it does not add up to 23. Yes I will be looking for that everywhere now.

Very little about that time in her life made sense to her now. Had she really been so infatuated with a man that she’d banished Aemlyn and Ellorien?

Oh Morgase. If she can get one thing out of this mess, let it be the knowledge of who Gaebril really was. Because sure, sometimes it’s better not to know. But one of the cruellest things he did to her, in that whole mess of cruelty, was to leave her with absolutely no way of knowing this was not, truly, all her fault. He took away her self, her trust in and certainty of who she is. He undermined her nation and banished her friends and made her believe, even after his death, that it was by her hand and by her choice.

As if the physical and mental violation wasn’t enough. He found a way to violate her on another level as well, by twisting her own sense of herself, by leaving behind a ruin and leaving her no way to understand that it wasn’t of her own making. The Queen is married to the land, and for all she knows, she has betrayed that in every possible way, and she can’t possibly know that her choices were not her own.

Knowing that it wasn’t her choice, and that there was nothing she could have done… I mean that won’t be fun either, but it would at least give her something of her self back.

Meanwhile, Perrin’s annoyed at how long it took the Wise Ones and Aes Sedai to burn that village. Listen, people, you can’t keep judging these things by Rand. Just because he could take out a city in a matter of seconds doesn’t mean everyone can. Do I need to invent more units of measurement here? The Therin: potential mountains created or destroyed per unit of time.

“You wetlanders would have much trouble dealing with something as deadly as the Blight.”

“I think,” Faile said, “that you would be surprised.”

Yeah. Also don’t say that in Lan’s hearing.

Oddly, Faile’s sense of leadership seemed to have been enhanced by her time spent with the Shaido.

Nope, sorry, still not here for halfhearted attempts to pretend that storyline was All For Her Benefit, Actually. Especially because if we do take that on faith, it leads to some… okay no I’m not rehashing all my issues with the Malden plotline here; none of us need that.

Suffice it to say: ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

At times, being a servant seemed to require more stealth than being a scout. She wasn’t to be seen, wasn’t to distract. Had her own servants acted this way around her?

Morgase and Siuan could have an interesting conversation about dramatic changes in social and political status in a short space of time. And also, you know, extreme trauma and other fun pastimes, but especially the way they both then look at and try to come to terms with their new situations. They both do the same sort of thing of looking at all the ways in which they can still exercise power, only more subtly. The advantages of being overlooked and underestimated. And some of it is likely a kind of denial—a way to not feel like everything they knew and everything they were is lost. To try to focus on the advantages because that makes it hurt less. And the way in which they approach that is the politician’s way: turn it to your advantage, look for lines of power that weren’t there before. And also to think through the implications, and see things they may once have overlooked.

It's a hell of a price to pay for a change in perspective, but the fact that she can look at it that way, and think along some of those lines, is in its way a testament to her capability.

It discomforted her that the two Aes Sedai no longer seemed to resist their station.

Pretty sure we’re not really talking about the Aes Sedai here, Morgase. Because this is the other side of that acceptance of a new role: the fear that, in accepting it, she will lose what remains of herself. Oh look, we’re back to that central idea of identity and self and what it means to hold or lose or change that, and the fine balance between those possibilities.

Pouring tea was more complicated than she’d ever assumed.

This is something Jordan occasionally did as well: centring a chapter—especially one told from the viewpoint of a more minor character—around a motif or touchpoint like this, returning to it as a way of anchoring the rest of the chapter, and giving it more shape, especially when much of it is introspection or observation rather than action. Ornaments comes to mind, from Crossroads of Twilight, but there are quite a few others.

And of course I’m never going to complain about tea being used as a device for focusing a chapter.

It gives us a point from which to segue into Morgase’s thoughts on Perrin, which boil down to a solid ‘it’s complicated’. Mostly because by the standards of the Queen of Andor, he’s technically a rebel.

Alliandre’s cup was half empty. Morgase moved over to refill it; like many highborn ladies, Alliandre always expected her cup to be full.

And so we see the function of the tea: it’s a focal point for the chapter, but more than that it’s the method we’re using to get Morgase’s thoughts about and insights into the various people gathered here. Little bits of character and personality in… not so much how they take their tea, but the considerations around it. The things Morgase has to think about and keep track of, even for so simple a task. And so we get insight into Morgase’s new role as well, and into some of what she’s learning: that even in a position where she is largely unnoticed, there is a great deal she can and must see, and know, and understand about those around her. To pick up on those cues and know what they mean, and how that gives her insight into far more than how they take their tea.

Morgase was no longer the person she had once been. She wasn’t sure what she was, but she would learn how to do her duty as a lady’s maid. This was becoming a passion for her. A way to prove to herself that she was still strong, still of value.

In a way, it was terrifying that she worried about that.

And really fucking sad. But also entirely true to who she is and her situation. She’s lost everything. Her role, her nation, her friends, her sense of self, her sense of autonomy, her name, her identity. And she believes most of it to be her own fault, through her own poor choices and decisions. And now she’s here, under a new name and a new role and everyone believing the person she was to be dead, and Morgase herself came pretty close to making that true. How could she not feel lost, and uncertain of who she is, and desperate to prove that she’s still…someone. To prove that she was right to let Lini draw her away from that open window. Which, yeah, that gets dark fast, but Morgase’s story is not a happy one.

With all she has lost and all she can no longer be, she’s left in this space of not really knowing her purpose, or her place, or even who she is, anymore. And that’s hard enough, but then we add in all the self-loathing stemming from what she thinks she did, and failed to do, and the choices she’s had to make, and you end up here: with Morgase struggling to find any sense of self-worth. And so believing she has to prove—to herself, to others—that she is worth something, because there’s so much in her mind telling her she’s…not.

Meanwhile, Perrin still seems to think he can just send everyone home and everything will go back to normal. Speaking of denial.

“I’m not trying to recruit,” Perrin said. “Just because I don’t turn them away doesn’t mean I intend to enlarge this army any further.”

That sounds oddly like Lan’s resignation to Nynaeve recruiting him an army on a technicality. The difference being Lan at least recognises that’s what’s happening.

Perrin please.

“I didn’t make this banner,” Perrin said. “I never wanted it, but—upon advice—I let it fly. Well, the reasons for doing that are past. I’d order the thing taken down, but that never seems to work for long.” He looked to Wil. “Wil, I want it passed through camp. I’m giving a direct order. I want each and every copy of this blasted banner burned. You understand?”

Two steps forward and one step back.

I mean, I suppose you could make an argument on either side of this: on the one hand seriously, Perrin? You have been trying to deny this banner and your place as leader of these people for nine books now. Has it ever worked for you before? And do you really want to take away that focal point, that symbol to these people of what they’re fighting for and who they’re loyal to and why?

On the other hand… giving up his claim to Manetheren wasn’t a popular decision but I think it was the right one, because it helped focus them on what was truly important and prevent unnecessary tension between those who should be allies, by getting mixed up in the politics of raising a dead nation from the land of existing ones. And you could maybe argue that this is a similar angle, and that he’s trying to get them to focus not on him but on the larger purpose they all need to serve. But that feels like I’m trying too hard.

So, in summary: sigh.

Faile is also very much not convinced. I do sort of get where Perrin’s coming from, that if these people want to fight, they can do so for the Dragon Reborn because he’s the actual champion of the Light. But in reality, delegation is important, Perrin! That’s why you have a place in this as well! That’s why the Pattern dumped leadership superpowers and also wolves on you! Someone needs to actually do the groundwork of leading these people and Rand doesn’t have time or capacity for all of it.

And these people know you, Perrin. You’re the one they chose to follow; Rand is… well, as in so many things, more a force than a person at this point, in the eyes of most. They can fight for his cause, sure, but they’re not really fighting for him the way they’ll fight for the one who helped save their village or their people, and the one they see day to day and choose to give their loyalty to.

“Son,” Tam addressed Perrin, “the lads put a lot of stock in that banner.”

That pretty much says it all. This isn’t a time to be taking that kind of symbol from people, or messing unnecessarily with their sense of identity, or their foundations. In a weird way I’m reminded of Egwene’s approach with the Aes Sedai, and all her thoughts on how to reforge the Tower without breaking it. Making some compromises where needed because while there are some places where she can push, she can’t afford to completely shatter their sense of who they are. Not now, when there’s so little time.

And with Perrin, it’s that same sense of… work with what you have. Forge the metal you’re given. This is the situation, and maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s what you have. That loyalty is a part of the toolset you’ve been handed, so see it for what it is and work with it rather than trying to force it into a different shape and risk breaking the metal entirely.

Literally no one thinks this is a good idea.

“Husband,” Faile said, her words clipped. “Might I suggest that we begin with the ones who want to be sent away?”

And so it comes down, like so much else, to choices; Perrin wants to send them away but these people have chosen to follow him. He’s not keeping them here; they’ve decided to stay. And yes, you can flip that around and say he should also have the choice not to lead, and… yeah, okay, that’s a bit like how Rand technically has the choice not to fight. It’s a choice but not one either of them could really live with themselves for making, and so it becomes a question of framing and perception.

But also, Perrin does lead. When it comes down to it, he takes on that role. That is the choice he makes, over and over, in the moment. It’s in the time between those moments of action, when he is his own worst enemy in a way: he doubts and he fights against it and he looks back on past choices and questions himself and his role and his purpose. In the moment, he leads and he fights and he uses what he has. But in these periods of inaction he thinks himself into a tangle of ‘I’m only a blacksmith’, even when all his actions say otherwise. He just needs to get to a point where he can acknowledge and accept and own that.

Instead, he keeps wavering. And keeps trying to make it stick, but he’s trying to make the choice for those who follow him, rather than making his own choice, and so it doesn’t work.

The Pattern’s bringing maths into it now as well: they literally can’t keep large enough gateways open long enough to send everyone away. A hint, Perrin. Take it.

“Also,” Faile said, “perhaps it is time to send messengers to contact the Lord Dragon”

Someone suggesting proactive communication? If we didn’t already know the apocalypse was near…

“I…” Perrin seemed to flounder. Had he a source of information he wasn’t sharing?

Morgase. Please. Do you even need to ask? Does anyone in this series share anything?

Though in this case ‘I see swirls of colour and sometimes a bit of context whenever I think the names of my friends’ is, understandably, the sort of thing you might want to keep quiet until you can think of a way to frame it so that it doesn’t sound absolutely absurd. Although ‘absurd’ is sort of a moot point when the sky is full of black and silver clouds and the Blight appears in villages that don’t actually exist, so. It’s all relative.

Edarra suggests linking with the Asha’man and on the one hand yes! Cooperation! Good! But on the other hand why would you make it easier for Perrin to continue to try to send everyone away?

I suppose she’s thinking more of the refugees who do actually want to go home, though, so… okay fair enough.

“What would it cost me for you to try this?”

“You have worked too long with Aes Sedai, Perrin Aybara,” Edarra said with a sniff. “Not everything must be done at a cost. This will benefit us all.”

On that last, she is absolutely right. This is what they all need to be doing, and finally we’re starting to see it: cooperation, collaboration, setting aside old divisions and realising that perhaps if they work together they will be stronger for it. Small steps, and all that.

“Burn you, woman, why didn’t you bring it to me earlier, then?”

“You seem hardly interested in your position as chief, most of the time,” Edarra said coldly. “Respect is a thing earned and not demanded, Perrin Aybara.”

Ouch. On both sides there, because they both very much have a point. Edarra should have brought this up earlier, to someone even if not to Perrin.

But Perrin… this is where he kind of tries to have his cake and eat it: he says he’s not a leader, that he’s only a blacksmith, that he wants to send people away or let them fight for Rand rather than him. Tries to deny his role during the times when it’s not absolutely imperative that he claim it. But at other times he is quick to take command, and to make the decisions, and to give direction. And now, he wants to know why she didn’t bring this to him. Because he is, after all, the authority here.

If you would have that, Perrin, you have to accept all the aspects of it. You can’t keep leading these people and then saying you’re not actually their leader, but then also expect them to abide by your decisions—whether that’s to send them away, or to expect them to come to you with information.

There’s an interesting irony in how, by trying to be responsible and not take on a role he doesn’t think he’s suited for, he ends up doing something arguably irresponsible by neglecting the duties of a role he has in fact taken.

It’s not easy. It doesn’t seem like fun. But Perrin, you have to make the choice and claim it and understand what it means, and stop denying yourself.

To his very great credit, Perrin takes the admonishment seriously.

Aiel were people, like any other. They had odd traditions and cultural quirks, but so did everyone else. A queen had to be able to understand all of the people within her realm—and all of her realm’s potential enemies.

I like this about Morgase, and it’s something we see in Elayne as well: this acknowledgement of the importance of cultural understanding. They don’t always get it right, of course, but they understand the importance of it, and while we haven’t seen as much of Morgase in general, we do see Elayne try to follow through on this whenever she’s faced with a different people or group or culture, and I think this is where she gets it from.

Ah, so Balwer wants to visit Rand’s academy in Cairhien. What exactly are you hoping to find, Balwer?

Would [Balwer] tell Aybara who she really was?

I…huh. I hadn’t even thought of that. The others in that group obviously didn’t want or intend to tell anyone who Morgase is, but Balwer has given his loyalty and service to Perrin, so it is actually kind of interesting that he wouldn’t have said anything. But then, if Perrin hasn’t asked, and Balwer also has no specific desire to betray Morgase, I suppose he wouldn’t necessarily bring it up either. And it’s not like people here default to communication when there’s any other option, so… okay, that checks out.

Besides, think how much more fun it will be for this all to come out when Perrin and Galad run into each other. And by fun I mean probably the opposite of that for nearly everyone involved. But fun for me, which is of course the important thing.

She should have approached the dusty man earlier, to see what the price would be to keep his silence. Mistakes like that could cost a queen her throne.

She froze, hand halfway to a cup. You’re not a queen any longer. You have to stop thinking like one!

Oh, Morgase. There’s just… that’s quite a lot of pain packed into a few almost-offhand thoughts.

Especially because, again, it brings it back to this question of self and identity and who is she, now that she’s not a queen? To the point where she’s trying to remake the very patterns of her thoughts, to make herself into someone else because she can’t be who she was before, but if that person is lost then what is left?

Also, on a somewhat less sad note, there’s another small irony here: Morgase, a former queen, trying to force herself out of those habits of thinking, while she and everyone else around her is trying to push Perrin into them.

Of course now Morgase is thinking about how she can’t really go home, because people have to continue to believe she’s dead and Elayne has to be able to stand on her own otherwise it’s a political nightmare and she’s not necessarily wrong but man, Morgase’s story is fucking sad.

Why had she done such things?

I know I’ve already said this at least five hundred times but please, please just let her find out. Of everything, and there’s a lot, I think this is the worst. Bad enough she’s lost everything else and suffered everything she’s suffered and is now adrift, effectively an exile, and trying to find her place—how can she do that when she doesn’t even have her own self to hold on to? When she can barely even trust that? And especially when it comes with the consequences of those things she thinks she did of her own volition, because it’s not just that she doesn’t trust herself; for some things she hates herself.

Perhaps she should have done the noble thing and killed herself.

Wow.

Okay. So that’s.

Yeah. That got dark.

I mean, it’s not… a surprise, given that we very much watched her near-suicide, but…damn. For her to think that would have been the ‘noble thing’. For her to think that her survival is not in and of itself a victory.

She doesn’t even know if Elayne is queen yet, or even in Caemlyn. And politics aside, how hard that must be to not know where her daughter is or even if she’s alive.

Apparently she officially likes Tallanvor now, which… okay sure she deserves whatever happiness she can find, at this point, but this one has always sort of weirded me out. Then again that’s true of a lot of the romance in this series, so okay sure whatever.

Looking into those beautiful young eyes of his, she could not entertain the notion of suicide, even for the good of Andor. She felt a fool for that. Hadn’t she let her heart lead her into enough trouble already?

Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here and I don’t know that I’m going to even try with all of it, but I’m… not a fan of the way it plays to this whole he’s-what-keeps-her-from-killing-herself angle. I just find that an uncomfortable space in general, for any number of reasons.

But the part that hurts, here, of course, is the last part. Hadn’t she let her heart lead her into enough trouble already. Because again, she thinks this is all her fault. Everything that’s happened; she thinks it’s just… her own poor choices, when the truth is that she had no choice, for so much of it. Which… I mean I don’t think I need to make the obvious real-world connection here, but it plays very true to that tendency for those not at all at fault to blame themselves, and how devastating that can be.

Perrin of course knows none of this but does know there’s something going on with Morgase and Tallanvor, because Tallanvor in particular is not exactly subtle.

Morgase raised an eyebrow. From what she’d seen, Perrin himself had followed Faile around lately nearly as much.

Point to Morgase.

PERRIN. NO.

“I was given a suggestion back when you first joined us,” Perrin said gruffly. “Well, I think it’s about time I took it. Lately, you two are like youths from different villages, mooning over one another in the hour before Sunday ends. It’s high time you were married. We could have Alliandre do it, or maybe I could. Do you have some tradition you follow?”

YOU. ABSOLUTE. IDIOT.

Hang on a second, I need to go find a wall to hit my head against repeatedly.

I just. Perrin. No. Why would you even. Think this was a good idea. Pause for five seconds and consider.

Even without any of the knowledge of how awful Morgase’s life has been for the last year or so, Perrin should know better, damn it. You can’t just tell two people to get married as if they have no say in the matter! Especially when it’s not even like he’s taking one of them aside to have a quiet word about ‘this is getting in the way of your work; sort it out’, which would be kind of awkward but just about skirting the edges of acceptability. No, he’s saying it to both of them, when he has no confirmation from either that this is actually what they want. But he’s in charge here so now it’s hard for either of them to refuse him, and of course that would mean publicly rejecting the other, and in short this is the worst idea you’ve had in a while, Perrin.

And then of course—not that Perrin has any reason to know this—there’s the reality of Morgase’s recent past, which makes having her agency taken away (again) in the context of marriage and all that entails (again), even more of a glaring Do Not Want.

Morgase felt a sudden panic

I mean yeah, that’s probably the understatement of the fucking Age.

“Gather any you want to witness and be back here in an hour. Then we’ll get this silliness over with.”

So it’s not enough to take away any choice they may have in the matter and assume you know best; now you need to trivialise it as well? Perrin Aybara you are better than this.

“Well?” Perrin asked.

“No,” Morgase said.

Such a small, quiet thing, but it’s everything in the context of her story. That at last, after so many kinds of violation, after so many instances of her choice or her agency or her name or her will taken from her, she can say no. And she does.

It’s not precisely subtle but it’s also not precisely loud; it’s just a turning point and a reclaiming of self after so long of having that taken away from her. That now, she can stand as herself and say no, I will not.

She didn’t want to see the inevitable disappointment and rejection in Tallanvor’s face.

Which is the other reason you don’t just drag two people into a room and tell them to get married! Because even if they might want to marry each other, one or both might have some objections on principle to being told to do so! And then you’ve just created unnecessary tension in the relationship itself because now she’ll have to explain that ‘it’s not you, it’s that for once in my damn storyline I want to be able to give or deny consent of my own damn volition’.

I’m just very, very here for Morgase Trakand finally having a chance to stand up for herself and say no, because that has so long been denied to her in so many ways. And to find it in herself, even with all that has come before, to do that, because it would be so easy to just…accept it. But instead she stands her ground and in doing so, in asserting herself in front of someone else, it’s almost like asserting herself to herself as well. That she is here and she is someone and she has a choice and she will make it.

“Why, the Queen herself wouldn’t demand this!”

Ha. Okay, you’ve earned that one, I think.

“Forcing two people to marry because you’re tired of the way they look at one another? Like two hounds you intend to breed, then sell the pups?”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“You said it nonetheless.”

Yeah, this is… very much not Perrin’s finest hour here.

Whereas for Morgase… everything about this carries so much more weight than meets the eye, given all she has been through, and I’m just very here for it.

Pulling herself up to her full height, she almost felt a queen again. “If I choose to marry a man, I will make that decision on my own.”

Reclamation of identity! In reclaiming all the choices that have been taken from her! So much of what came before, all those times she couldn’t choose, was just this long agonising process of stripping away everything she was and everything she could hold on to in herself. And she’s been so lost for so long, and so here, in claiming that choice again, she finds some part of herself again as well. She may no longer be a queen but it’s not really about the crown, it’s about feeling like herself again, and finding something there.

Really, Tallanvor, in this case it’s honestly not you; it’s… a whole pile of other things. Don’t take it personally.

Morgase measured Perrin, who was blushing. She softened her tone. “You’re young at this yet, so I’ll give you advice. There are some things a lord should be involved in, but others he should always leave untouched.”

I do like that we get this—it was important for Morgase to be able to draw a line and stand by it and say, unequivocally, no. And to make it very clearly understood why Perrin was crossing a line.

But she also acknowledges that there was no malice in it; it was fucking stupid, but he did mean well. So let him feel painfully awkward for a few minutes, let it sink in, and then grant him this to soften it.

Man, that was awkward.

I mean, again, absolutely here for Morgase finally getting to make a damn choice, but would kind of have preferred if it weren’t at the cost of Perrin being written into quite this level of uncomfortable idiocy. Which I suppose is part of why I’m glad it ends on that sense of ‘you meant well but no’, rather than letting it escalate.

Basically: great character moment for Morgase but overall not a particularly well-done scene, I feel like.

It seemed she had some spark left in her after all. She hadn’t felt that firm or certain of herself since… well, since before Gaebril’s arrival in Caemlyn!

That pretty much sums it up. She needed this, needed to find that within herself.

And now enter Whitecloaks, stage left. This’ll get interesting.

Next (ToM ch 7) Previous (ToM ch 5)

#bit of a mixed bag of a chapter #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #Towers of Midnight

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iamcinema · 4 years

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IAC Reviews #016: Captives / Mama’s Home (1988)

It’s almost funny how things happen sometimes. You’re just going about your day, and something will just pop up in your thoughts or memory that you forgot about a long time ago. When you decide to follow it to see where it takes you, and when it finally decides to turn up, it completely chucks all your original plans out the window and you have to see it to believe it. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, we need to finally, after so long, get around to talking about Captives aka Mama’s Home. And, oh boy, we have a lot to cover here.

As a side note to make this easier, I’ll be referring to the film as Captives for the duration of the review when discussing Gary P Cohen’s original film. However, when I’m discussing the release by the original production company, Majestic Home Video, I’ll refer to it as Mama’s Home to help clear up any confusion since I can’t even call them the same movie. _______________________________________

Captives is 1988 horror-drama revenge SOV film directed by Gary P Cohen, who is best known for his Video Violence films that were made just before and after this. To quote VHS Meltdown on the plot, it goes as such;

“Three weirdos invade the home of a well-to-do family while the husband is at work. They aren’t there to steal anything; they have a video they want to show the wife. On it is the past life of her husband, something much more violent and drug-fueled than she ever could have expected. When things go wrong for the invaders and blood gets shed, the wife must reconcile what she has seen and what she knows, and her new knowledge of the past makes her future unthinkable.”

According to Cohen, this was intended to be a serious commentary about violence, which was tonally different from the sort of black comedy nature of the Video Violence films. He originally pitched the film to Camp Video, who turned down Captives, but took in Video Violence 2 after distributing Video Violence the year before. So, Cohen turned to Majestic Home Video for help, and they took the film in for release.

Well, what happened to the film was beyond a travesty and feels criminal.

If you want to learn more about that, I highly recommend seeing Paul (Analog Archivist/VHS Collector)’s review of the tape because he goes more into the history of the film and included Cohen’s interview where he discusses the treatment of Captives; which included large chunks of dialogue being manipulated, bad amateurish editing, and loud music being played over the dialogue scenes. It’s just a shameful butchering of the film, but this does sort of have a happy ending because Camp Motion Picture picked the film up in 2011 to be showcased on The Basement: Retro 80s Horror Collection; which included Timothy O’Rawe’s The Basement (1989), another SOV horror film that was widely considered lost for nearly 20 years. Copies of Mama’s Home are considered extremely rare, with one user saying they saw a copy of it go for over $335USD.

The film stars many of the actors from the first Video Violence film, including Cohen himself. So, if you’re a fan of the film, then you’re in for a bit of a treat. But, if you’re in the other category that hated the film, then, well, you’re in for something. Plus, I don’t think the notoriety of Mama’s Home helps much either as far as what you think you can do with your expectations. It’s going to be a rough ride for some of you, I’m sure.

VHS Collector | Mama’s Home Review:

youtube

So, now we’ve been finally given the opportunity to see Captives and all it’s glory without the cloud of shame that Majestic put over us. It’s been a long, long time coming to see Cohen’s true vision unearthed - even if I’m about ten years too late for the viewing part.

Captives (1988) in One Gif:

Oh. Okay, then. So, let’s really dig into this one. _______________________________________

First, I think I should comment on what VHS Meltdown said as the plot summary since there’s a bit more to it than that. The primary thing is who our “three weirdos” are, which are that of Nikki, Chick, and Paulie whom we learn have a personal vendetta to some degree with Ellen and her family - more specifically her husband, Barry. So, I don’t know, the vague descriptor can make the invasion seem a bit less personal.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about our guests of honor more.

The ringleader of the group is Nikki, who has more stake in the home invasion and a motivation for revenge due to her treatment and abuse by Barry and former mother in-law, Estelle. She’s accompanied by her brothers, Chick and Paulie. Chick is the arms of the group, having a hot temper and seems to take the most pleasure in the violence and madness. Paulie is, for a lack of better terms, the slow “idiot” brother of the group and he’s a trope you’ve probably seen in other slasher films of the time like Mother’s Day, Redneck Zombies, and Cannibal Campout. He’s the docile one of the team and only tagged along because he cares about his sister and was pressured into it, not because he’s out for blood or vengeance.

If you’re a fan of Video Violence, then you probably already recognize Art and Jackie Neill right off the bat who are playing polar opposites of their other characters. It makes for an interesting watch to see them relish in the violence they cause, rather than be repulsed by it. On the opposite side of things, we have Ellen, Estelle, Barry, and little Zach.

There isn’t a whole lot to really say about them. Ellen is the unsuspecting housewife, Estelle is the loaded mother in-law that would do anything for her son, Barry is a two-faced, mama’s boy husband with a secret double life, and Zach is, well, a baby that links them together in a few ways. Much like their co-stars, some of them were also in Video Violence with a similar take on things. Seeing as how this (or Video Violence) was their first acting role, and one of their only ones point blank, you can expect something mostly amateurish and nothing too special. If I had to name any specifics, I’d say the trio is the best in their own right; Chick being a great sleazy dirtbag, Paulie being sympathetic, and Nikki being almost justifiably unhinged with the lengths she’d go to for revenge.

Plot wise, it’s not all that bad and it’s not to see something that isn’t like Blood Lake where the motive isn’t sloppy or feels like a complete after thought. It’s a bit shocking to say the least to see a topic relating to child death or murder done this way, something I don’t think I’ve really seen in some time since Las Vegas Bloodbath or Beware! Children at Play. It’s a bit of a slow burn after the trio makes their motives known to Ellen, with the occasional burst of violent mayhem and the trio trying to figure out an exit plan when things don’t go as they planned. We also get some occasional cut scenes with what Barry’s doing with his time, but they’re brief and only add to what kind of a picture Nikki paints for us of him.

As far as the violence goes, it’s not all that bad. However, some of it was a bit hard to make out what was going on because the quality was on the low end. But, that’s kind of how it is with SOV some times, so it is what it is. There’s also not a whole ton of blood either, so don’t expect a total massacre. What we do get isn’t too shabby or rough around the edges either, which is a really nice surprise. There’s some general torture, humiliation, and sleaze scenes too, and those are also nice when it comes to adding a bit more grime to the mix; including a really bizarre moment where a drunken Chick is groping and coming onto Nikki (and she may or may not be into it) and we see what Barry is doing when he’s not at work.

If I had to say something that really hinders this, it’s the sound and music aspect.

Just like with Mama’s Home, there’s moments where the sound mixing doesn’t feel right, so the dialogue is a bit drowned out by the music. On the bright side, it’s a bit better here with Captives than Mama’s Home since you can at least make out most of the conversation that’s going on and I had to do a side by side comparison with this and the clips Paul included as a reference to be sure I wasn’t hearing things. If it’s not that, it’s how the music robs the tone and mood of the film.

As I said earlier, Cohen intended for this to be a serious film about violence, and having this audio track in the background for so much of it kills the mood for me and it unintentionally brings it back to Video Violence with it being a dark comedy. On the flip side, the tracks on their own aren’t that bad and are exactly what you could expect for a low budget SOV trash flick from the time period. So, if you’re like me and you have a guilty pleasure for this type of thing, you might have some fun with it. I’d like to hope that Cohen still has the masters for these somewhere and would be open to releasing them if they weren’t included on The Basement: Retro 80s Horror Collection.

The film ends on a weird open ended note and since there’s no post credit scene, we’re largely left to wonder if Ellen is able to follow through with her choice given what she’s seen and learned and she’s able to escape. I think it was probably for the best as well since it plays into this being a revenge flick as well, but I’d like to hear Cohen’s thoughts and what he thinks happened after the final scene.

________________________________________

So, where are we at now with this?

I’m a bit disappointed that it took me so many years to finally get around to seeing this, and I was initially nervous going into this given all the things I heard about Mama’s Home. As excited as I was, I wasn’t sure if I was going to waste my time with this and I was prepared for the let down early on thinking I was just getting a hybrid of Captives and Mama’s Home.

In a lot of ways, it was worth the wait to see what I was missing all these years, because if I found out it got taken down yesterday, then I knew it would be a long time until I would have this chance again since the box set from Camp Motion Pictures is currently out of print. If you told me that it would stay online and it wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, then I’d say I wouldn’t really rush to seeing it or writing this mock up with what I know now and shift my focus onto the other really obscure SOV material that I wouldn’t know about if it wasn’t for SOVHorror, A Slash Above, or SRS Cinema having bits and pieces of them up. In this case, I could probably go a few more months or so before I’d get an itch to hunker down for it.

Is it worth a watch? Sure.

If you’re a sucker for SOV films, then you should consider crossing it off your list since it feels like not everybody has seen it, let alone is aware of it. If you liked the Video Violence films, then I think you’ll have an alright time with this one. It’s probably the ToeTag fanboy in me saying this, but I’d like to think that this is another one of those proto August Underground movies with how it wanted to push the envelope with the brutality and humiliation, something I still feel would have been better if the incidental music was toned down way more. Nonetheless, if you find this type of thing boring and uninteresting, then you aren’t going to feel like you missed out on something amazing or mindblowing. It’s another run-of-the-mill horror-esque low-budget tier SOV flick from the time, just with an emphasis on revenge. Don’t be too dismissive, but don’t expect anything too impressive.

Rating: 4.5/10

#captives #mama's home #mamas home #iac reviews #horror review #horror movies #horror movie #horror film #exploitation horror #sov #sov horror #shot on video #shot on video horror #little zach productions #gary cohen #gary p cohen #low budget horror #80's horror #80s horror

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eggoreviews · 5 years

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Persona 5 Palaces RANKED

After recently finishing up Persona 5, I'm sort of aching a bit for more content but not quite enough to splash on Dancing in Starlight. So, to sate my cravings for more of the phantom bois, here's my personal ranking of the main palaces you traverse through in the game. This list is based on how fun and consistently interesting each palace is in terms of gameplay, puzzles, soundtrack, character, aesthetic and overall relevance to the story. Hope u enjoy/agree! Kinda goes without saying, but MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD for the whole ass game

8. Okumura’s Spaceport of Greed

Who saw this coming? Probably everyone! Because Okumura's palace is pretty much consistently ranked at the bottom of every ranking I've seen. But before I go all negative, let's start with what I actually liked. First off, I ADORED the spaceport motif and the whole theme/aesthetic of this palace was amazing. Alongside that, the music, while probably not the strongest in the game, was still mega catchy and fit the palace perfectly (it's still a banger, even if it isn't Whims of Fate level banger). So yeah, this palace's rock bottom ranking is nothing to do with its look or its soundtrack, because they're both pretty tasty. It was everything else I had a slight problem with. Now this isn't to say I disliked this palace, I just felt that it was the weakest part of an absolutely stellar game. While the majority of the puzzles weren't terrible, the infamous airlock puzzle definitely got in my bad books, as I'm pretty firmly in the 'this puzzle is weird luck-based bollocks' camp on this one, with it being the only puzzle in the game I had to look up the solution for. The constant back-and-forthing to different points of the palace to pick up keycards from the stupid robots became unfortunately very repetitive, especially with Morgana constantly screaming at me that the treasure was real close but (spoiler alert) it totally wasn't. And to top all that off, I felt this palace brought with it the weakest characters arcs in the whole game. I really struggled to become attached to Haru, the last true member of the thieves. While she was an okay character and I sympathised with her plight of being sold off to that one arsehole, I felt she wasn't written to be particularly interesting and her introduction to the thieves felt really shoehorned in compared to the natural-feeling transitions of all the other characters. She didn't quite feel as if she belonged there as much as the others (big sorry to all the Haru stans). And echoing this, the character of Okumura himself also felt incredibly bland and he was without a doubt the least interesting villain of the bunch. Oh, and his boss fight? Objectively the worst in the game. You fight the same robots you've been fighting the whole palace, with a timer, and then you kill him in one hit. Yeah, so the tea is, palace looks and sounds great, but that's really it.

7. Mementos Depths / Prison of Sloth

From this point on, I had very few problems with any of the palaces. As the final dungeon of the game, I felt that this one had definitely had adequate build-up but, as many others seem to say, didn't quite live up to the other palaces. For one, the design and soundtrack was much less interesting (though I guess this can be forgiven, as it's Mementos) and it was over pretty quickly in the end. But I really did enjoy those pressure plate puzzles for some reason and it was pretty cool to go around the velvet room and save all your pals before the final fight, so I just kind of liked this one. Not much to say here other than that it was really good, but the others were better.

6. Kaneshiro’s Bank of Gluttony

While it was fairly difficult to rank Kaneshiro's palace this low, considering it has the awakening of my favourite character, thinking about the palace as a whole compared to the others is what did it. The bank motif? Really cool! Seems inevitable for what is fundamentally a heist game and pulls it off really well. And that soundtrack is easily one of the best tracks in the game. The palace itself is split vaguely into two main sections, the main bank and the vault. The bank section is mostly pretty fun and well-paced, but the palace starts to get just a little bit iffy when the vault section kicks off. The idea is cool, but most of the second half of the palace feels a bit like padding, which becomes a little repetitive overtime. These really are minor gripes though, I gotta stress that, because I genuinely enjoyed this palace for the most part. Something else I enjoyed was Kaneshiro himself and his role in the story. Out of all the palace owners in the game, Kaneshiro felt the most like a true archetypal Bond villain and it does feel awesome to take him on as the phantom thieves are finally starting to get their feet off the ground. On top of that, you've got Makoto joining the team, which makes this one a real treat character-wise. In conclusion, I want Makoto to step on me.

5. Madarame’s Museum of Vanity

This one really did have a tough act to follow. Being the second palace you take on (as well as the awakening of my ,,,, second favourite character), I remember how impressed I was the first time around with how cool the visuals are in this palace. The soundtrack to the palace is generally fairly unremarkable, but very calming and surreal which definitely fit the setting. This palace definitely feels the most trippy out of the bunch, placing you in odd gold-plated mazes and endless corridors plastered with distorted paintings and tripwires to constantly make sure you're paying attention. This palace really does feel like you’ve been placed inside the mind of a deluded artist, even if the game’s attempts to make Madarame seem despicable only really serve to highlight how awful the previous palace owner, Kamoshida, is in comparison. This isn’t to say Madarame isn’t a trashbag, it just becomes obvious that the game is trying hard to make you hate him. That aside, Madarame’s palace provides a welcome challenge and effectively build upon what you learned in the first palace without overwhelming the player, all the while not compromising on the creative, stunning visuals. The ending pay-off with Madarame’s showdown, while a satisfying conclusion to Yusuke’s main character arc, provides a boss fight that is over a little too quickly, though that’s kind of just nitpicking at that point. All in all, a solid dungeon from start to finish.

4. Futaba’s Tomb of Wrath

Without a doubt the most emotionally charged palace in the game, this dungeon is a unique experience unlike anything else you’ll find in the game. Instead of taking down a despicable villain or giving a certain prosecutor a push in the right direction, you’re instead helping to heal the heart of a traumatised girl, who requested herself for her heart to be stolen. You’re reaching the halfway point during this palace, so it’s a brilliant change of pace from the dickholes you’ve been stealing the hearts of up to this point. The game truly makes you feel genuine sympathy for Futaba and seeing her recovery slowly but steadily take place over the game really tugs on the heartstrings. As for the palace itself, the game takes its love of ambiguous metaphors and cranks up the dial, giving the player an interesting but oddly melancholy setting in the form of an Egyptian pyramid. The background music for this palace is perfect to help accentuate this, as the soundtrack works with the visuals to make you just feel a bit sad. The puzzles are well thought out and never overstay their welcome, the layout of the palace is consistently unique and fun to traverse and the ending boss is one of the most creative, high-stakes battles in Persona 5. And while Futaba’s awakening wasn’t my favourite, it’s great to see her finally face her demons and accept that her mother’s death wasn’t her fault. But most of all, this palace reminds you that you should never get too comfortable when playing Persona 5, as the tables could turn at any minute and suddenly make you care about the person you’re changing the heart of.

3. Kamoshida’s Castle of Lust

Kamoshida is arguably the biggest scumbag you take on in Persona 5, so it makes a lot of sense that his palace is one of the most satisfying to undertake. The castle acts as the perfect starting dungeon, teaching you the ropes without too much hand-holding and providing you with simple but visually interesting palace to boot. Before the game drags you into its grandiose main plot, you start with a much smaller scale, but equally despicable villain that you immediately know you have to deal with. And on top of that, each character introduction is seamless and fits perfectly in with the narrative. The puzzles here are simple enough to be basically harmless and each area of the castle you navigate changes things up to keep it unique while teaching you the inner workings of the palaces you’ll be taking down for the rest of the game. As for the first boss, the build-up feels perfect as the tension amps up and reaches boiling point as you send your first calling card. Oh, and Kamoshida’s boss design himself as this horrifying, weird lust demon definitely sets you up for what’s ahead. Great as a beginning act, but also a heckin solid dungeon in its own right. Plus, I’m a sucker for castles, so I might be a little biased here.

2. Niijima’s Casino of Jealousy

I’ll be honest with you, I think a casino is one of the most awesome ideas for a dungeon I’ve ever heard of in a JRPG. And everything about this one is near enough perfect. The reveal that you’ll be targeting the person who’s been interrogating you for the whole game, the link back to the very starting cutscene, the tension mounting as you desperately try to work out who the traitor is, Makoto’s emotional turmoil as she wrestles with the ethics of targeting her own sister. Story-wise, this is totally perfect. And the dungeon itself? Definitely the most consistently unique in the whole game. Each floor you traverse in the casino offers something new and interesting for you to work around, from the rigged dice games to the dark labyrinth and the battle arena trial (not to mention the whole ‘collect enough coins to proceed’ thing reminded me way too much of Sonic Adventure and for some reason, I’m putting that down as a good thing). Whims of Fate is a perfect soundtrack, because it totally fits the atmosphere and also it’s a bop and I love it to pieces. And the palace wraps itself up neatly in a little bow with a boss fight that totally kicks arse. Sae Niijima starts the battle by, of course, rigging the game against you. But once her cheating facade falls away, the true battle begins and she morphs into a weird, distorted mech thing that takes heavy inspiration from Makoto’s persona too. Basically, it’s cool. And I love it.

1. Shido’s Cruiser of Pride

This is likely to be a controversial choice for the best palace in the game, as it’s generally agreed among most fans that Shido’s palace was a bit slightly rubbish. But really, I couldn’t disagree more. Yes, Sae’s palace was the definition of awesome, but something about Shido’s just one-upped it somehow. Of course, your character’s personal connection with this mission that was absent from the other previous palaces gives this one a much more dramatic feel, as you finally get to take on the guy orchestrating everyone’s suffering (if you don’t count good ol’ Optimus Prime from the final palace) and it’s as satisfying as it needs to be. The soundtrack is suitably epic and lends itself well as a precursor to the finale and exploring the cruiser is both intriguing and enjoyable throughout, as you navigate each section of this bloated paradise filled with rich arseholes. But at the same time, the whole Noah’s Ark thing with Shido only saving those willing to submit to him makes this palace as chilling as it is visually stunning. For me, this was a brilliant dungeon beginning to end, as collecting ‘letters of recommendation’ from each of Shido’s cognitive allies allows for a deeper insight into Shido as a character, but also builds you up nicely to the palace’s climax. Plenty of nice character moments and the boss fight, while not the best in the game, was still a strong point. Oh and yeah, I actually really liked the rat puzzles. The puzzles everyone seems to hate? Thought they provided a nice amount of challenge and never really felt like they were dragging on for hugely long. But what really peaked this palace on top of all the others was the encounter with Mr. Pancakes towards the end. Akechi was a brilliantly crafted character throughout his stint in the game and his arc had a fitting conclusion before you finally take on Shido. I was mega happy with this palace and honestly, it was the one cemented this game as one of my big faves.

Got a palace ranking of your own? Or even just one that stood out as your personal favourite? Let me know down below!

#persona 5 #p5 #persona #shin megami tensei #ps4 #ren amamiya #gaming #games #akira kusuru #ryuji sakamoto #ann takamaki #persona 5 yusuke #makoto niijima #morgana #futaba #haru okumura

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elliepassmore · 5 years

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Kingdom of Ash Review

4/5 stars

Recommended for people who like: high fantasy, strong female leads, friendships, hero's journey, multiple POVs Okay, I will be the first to admit I love this series maybe to the point of obsessing and that I bought and read this the day it came out....but this book is also entirely too long. There are two parts to this book, with the second part starting ~600 pages. The first part had some good content in it, but there was also a lot of space that didn't need to be there as well, descriptions and chapters and POVs that could've been cut out without really affecting the story or plot in any way. I especially felt that way when I hit part 2 and felt like the book should've ended there and Maas should've made part 2 a separate book (albeit a somewhat short one). The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that if she'd done it that way, we'd have a mostly boring 7th book and an action-packed, but shorter 8th book in the series....which is why I came back to the idea that she should've just cut scenes from part 1. There were so many scenes of the armies just moving or camping, and then there'd be a scene where an army was just casually mentioned as having been moved without showing us the movement, and I feel like if the book had done more of the latter it would've 1) moved quicker, 2) been less boring in part 1, and 3) been shorter. But I digress. The review will have some spoilers, I hide the major ones as always, but if you don't want spoilers, don't read below the cut. Non-spoilery review here.

The book opens with Aelin, who is not in a good place right now. Despite fears, it's only been two months since Maeve and Cairn got a hold of her. The scenes in the beginning are...dark. There's heavy mentions of torture and mind manipulation and death and all sorts of really horrible stuff. Some of the torture scenes get more descriptions than others, it's nothing I would call graphic, but it's enough to make your skin crawl and twitch. On the plus side, Aelin does escape *SPOILER* super plus, she manages to get herself out of Cairn and Maeve's grasp, even if there were other forces behind it *SPOILER END* and she teams up with Rowan, Lorcan, Elide, and Gavriel. The lot of them + Fenrys basically haul ass out of Wendlyn....which is where it gets boring. Reading several chapters of them traveling is not that interesting, even if some stuff happens during that time, there was definitely other ways to bring it about and/or ways to shorten the mentions of them traveling and bring them back to stuff that actually happens. Aelin really drew the shit-stick when it came to destinies the day they were handing them out, I'll say that. Before I get too off the tracks, I was really not happy when it was revealed that all of Aelin's scars were wiped away. Like...I get they had a lot of healing to do on her, but really, all of them? It's part of the trauma, everyone's horrified by it, but I wonder if it really had to be in there. Part of the draw of Aelin was that she was so scarred, that it could be seen, especially since a lot of her scars were testaments to her survival despite the odds. Having her skin just suddenly be scar-free felt....oily to me. Also kind of bummed that Aelin didn't really fight in the war that much. She was in two battles while pretty much everyone else was in a battle every ten chapters. I wanted to see her fight more than she did. In terms of development, Aelin has both internal and external development. On the one hand, she has to contend with the new round of torture she'd endured and raise herself back out of the depression she's in--I definitely appreciate the different ways Maas depicts depression, I'll say that, it's different for different people and situations, which true to life and nice to see. On the other hand, she also has to contend with the Lock and the throne and the coming battles. Throughout the book, she has to look at a situation and decide if it's worth stopping to help if it means more fall to Erawen's forces down the line when either helping or continuing on could mean Erawen wins. Sometimes she makes the right decision, sometimes, like with the Lock, she doesn't (*SPOILER* I still feel bad when people get mad at her about the Lock though, even if I understand and kind of side with them, lol *SPOILER END*). Aelin has to shed a lot of the stuff that's happened and the weight of every success and failure and destiny and god as she moves through his book and finishes her development. Aelin comes through strong in the end, despite her mistakes, and I think the way things end for her is perfect for her arc and what it's been building toward. When Elide said she was pissed with Lorcan, she bloody well meant it. I don't think the two of them are on good terms until several chapters into part 2. I'm kind of surprised she didn't kill Lorcan in his sleep for how mad she was at him. Aside from her being pissy, we also get to see more of her using her observation powers and calm cunning to outsmart their opponents multiple times. She's vital to getting Aelin back, and she's vital to the final battle in the book as well. I really enjoyed seeing her development in full-swing, especially when it came to confronting her uncle. Vernon is an ass, but he's not wrong that witch blood flows through her and it shows when she's making decisions regarding enemies and opponents. Elide's cleverness and cunning plays a huge role in some of the major schemes and events in the book, which was awesome to see. By the end of her development, she feels like a Lady more than she did in the previous books. Aedion and Lysandra are playing their parts as they get settled in Terrasen and prepare for the coming war. The interactions between the two of them are...tense, to say the least. I can see why Aedion would be angry with her, but I don't necessarily agree with it or with the way he handles the situation. Because he's honestly an ass *SPOILER* until Lysandra almost dies *SPOILER END* and if I were Lysandra, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Aedion is angry in this one, like, really really angry. He's angry at Maeve, angry at the Terrasen lords, angry at Lysandra, even angry at Aelin, to an extent. I felt like all the maturity he had in the previous three books just sort of disappeared and he just lost all perspective for first half of the book. There's an instance when Aedion is thinking about how Aelin should've conferred with everyone before making plans with Lysandra, apparently, conveniently forgetting that Maeve made a surprise!capture of Aelin and that Aelin hadn't sacrificed herself to the Lock. He was literally angry at them about something neither of them had planned nor had control over, but that Lysandra acted upon in order to help rally the troops....riiight. So, for most of the book I just really didn't like Aedion, and then he got miraculously better and was suddenly back to being himself. He basically pulled an Elide but for less good reasons. Obviously, this is the last book and so it's the end of the character development. For Aedion, I feel like a lot of his development in this book is on the emotional side of things. He deals with maturing a little bit when it comes to people making decisions he doesn't like. He also develops in that he realizes he can be fatally wrong. He was wrong about Aelin and the allies in the end of EoS, he's wrong about Lysandra in this one, and he's wrong about some of the strategies and maneuvers he tries as well. He's definitely someone, I think, that doesn't handle things Going Wrong very well, and so his development is mainly focused on improving that in this book. And, of course, part of that development is reconsidering his anger and resentment toward Gavriel. Once we get into part 2 of the book, we see him really doing a reversal and growing as a person (I definitely like him better in part 2). Lysandra is another character who gets the short end of the stick in this one. She has to juggle pretending to be Aelin while also shifting to go on scouting missions and fighting to help the army while in battle. The only person there who knows she isn't Aelin is Aedion....who is pissed to no end with her. I think it's clear from the get-go that Lysandra doesn't necessarily expect to survive the war, but Aelin's friendship and offer for a better world combined with knowing that if they win Evangeline will get to live keeps her going. It gets better in part 2 of the book, which is definitely the 'upward curve' part of things for just about every character. We get more Lysandra-narrated chapters in part 1 of the book, so there's not really a whole lot to say about the second part, but it did feel that the second part of the book, for her, was more about redeveloping her relationship with Aedion. There was just less of a focus on her going into battle and I wish Maas had expanded these more, since it was cool to read about her fighting in different forms and how they used those forms to their advantage. Manon, of course, remains one of my favorites and she was with the Thirteen trying to find the Corchans. So, uh, the Crochan witches are not as goody-two-shoes and nice as I was expecting. I mean, to be fair, I probably wouldn't be in their position either, but still, it is well established that if I were a witch I definitely wouldn't be the benign kind. Manon's arc in this one is mostly about tackling her new heritage and how to either pick a side or balance them both. Manon, quite literally, comes into feelings for pretty much the first time ever, so that was fun to read about. Her relationship with Dorian was just weird, though it felt a little more natural in this one than it did in QoS, though I still think she and Elide would've been good together. She was unbalanced in this book, mostly because of aforementioned feelings, but the inability to balance and the struggle to win over the Crochans while still keeping true to herself forged her. Manon is one of the characters who I think gets a pretty solid arc throughout Part 2 of the series (and technically Part 1, since HoF is in that part when I divide the books plotwise, but w/e). There are definitely some things in this book regarding her that I would change, mainly re: the Thirteen and Dorian, but overall I think she has one of the strongest arcs in KoA. Dorian also undergoes a significant arc transformation in this book. I think multiple people in the books acknowledged that he still felt like a prince during and at the end of EoS, but as this book opens and develops, we get to see Dorian continue to struggle with the collar, his abilities, and the Lock, which in turn triggers the final phase of his development arc. He does get a bit of that cunningness and cruelty he marked in Manon and Aelin, and he is able to trick his way in and out of things. I kind of miss how soft he used to be, since almost as a necessity of this transformation he loses a lot of that softness--but not entirely!--and it kind of makes me nostalgic for when he was just a cinnamon bun princeling, but I think the changes are, for the most part, good for him as a character. Like Elide, by the end of KoA, Dorian actually felt like a king as opposed to someone who just had that title in front of their name. Yrene is an interesting character and I wish there'd been more of a chance for her to shine in the beginning of the book like she does later on. I also wish she hadn't been pregnant. Call me crazy, but she's a healer, she mentioned in ToD that she could brew something for Nesryn, and they're about to go into war but she somehow gets pregnant? Are you kidding me? But that aside, Yrene really does come through with her Valg-healing powers and plays a huge role in how things play out. A lot of her arc already played out in ToD, so her actions are mostly external and push the plot or other characters forward. I wish she had a bigger narrative element to her in this book, and while she does get her due later on, I feel like this is one of those areas that could've been expanded had extraneous scenes been cut. For all the traveling Chaol and co have to do, they certainly get into the thick of things faster than Aelin does. We finally get to close the loop with Chaol's father that was opened in the series' Part 1, which I think was the only unresolved part of Chaol's arc. Like Yrene, a lot of his arc was dealt with in ToD. He does, however, adjust to being the King's Hand, and having the power to forge alliances and give land and whatnot. I loved his reunion with Dorian. It took over half the book, but it did eventually happen and we later got to see them fight side-by-side! This is apparently the space where I complain characters aren't given their due, because I feel like Nesryn got shorted too. Again, in part 1 of the book, she barely gets any narration and the narration she does get is her worrying about Sartaq. Like, good grief, both of you have seen battle before, I'm sure you'll be fine. She also worries a lot over the role of empress and is a bit hesitant over it, but it's not really a major touching point. I feel like there was some development of Nesryn as a ruk rider that we didn't get to see in either book, yet somehow she was a good enough flyer and had adjusted enough to the difference between fighting on foot and on the back of a ruk that they let her fly in the aerial legions. It's not really something that needed a ton of focus, but a little more than it actually got would've been nice and would've rounded out the physical arc with the ruk riders she had going on in ToD. I feel like Rowan wasn't a huge narrative presence in this one, unfortunately. He was obviously worried for Aelin and was trying to be attentive, but he also had some of his own schemes up his sleeve that we don't get to see until the very end (Aelin clearly rubbed off on him in more ways than one). I think the major shift with him is that he and Aelin are more like a team again in this one, like they were in QoS, where they scheme together and apart, whereas in EoS they did more scheming apart than together. I have to say, I really like them being a team better than I liked their separate, but supportive schemes in EoS. Lorcan had all, or most of, his narrative chapters dropped, though we did get to see some of them. Lorcan's definitely not in a good place for most of this book. He realizes he fucked up by calling Maeve and that not only did he fuck up in calling Maeve, but he fucked up in ever serving Maeve as loyally as he did. Lorcan's arc is largely about redemption from that and coming to the realization that there are other options and the potential for a better world out there, as cliche as it is to say. A decent portion of his page-time is also dedicated to getting back into Elide's good graces, as pretty much everyone else gets over Lorcan's mistake pretty quickly, even Aelin, funnily enough. Evangeline got narrative chapters in this book, which I was happy to see. I can't really remember how old she is, 10 I think, but she's definitely mature for her age and clever as a whip. I think that, even with everything Aelin and the others do against Erawen and Maeve, Evangeline's the one to really convince Darrow to stop being stuck up about the throne and crown. I did think it was a little weird when she became his ward and heir without mention of whether she was also still Lysandra's ward and heir still. It just warranted more of an explanation than we got. Nox came back in this one, which was a nice, if not unexpected surprise. Unfortunately, he meets Lysandra!Aelin and then yeets into the distance and there is Absolutely No Resolution regarding where he went, what happened to him, or if he actually met the real Aelin again. Even if it was only a couple lines, Falkan did get to reunite with Lysandra, so we got the nod there. If we're talking about characters who got done dirty, the Thirteen and Gavriel are at the top of the list. I really like the Thirteen and wish they got more page-time individually. We know Asterin and Sorrel the best out of them, I think, but the others are sort of background names I felt like. They're such an interesting and complex bunch, and they have some of the only continually included gay characters and characters of color in the book that I really wish they got more attention. Not to mention, people Aelin and Dorian care about get chapters dedicated to them, but people Manon cares about don't? How does that make sense? I also really hated how their arcs ended [ they sacrificed themselves to take out the last witch tower. Like, it's poetic and broke the curse on the Wastes, but (pun aside) it was such a fucking waste to have that be the answer (hide spoiler)]. Gavriel was such a warm and caring character and he really only wanted to bond and spend time with Aedion, and then he's separated from Aedion for most of the book only to reunite in battle. He, of course, has a similar course to the Thirteen...like, almost exactly just with a different situation, actually. As much as I loved the book, I will admit that some of it was predictable. If you've browsed the fan theories since EoS and ToD came out, then you've probably come across some of the theories that turned out to be true. Maybe we just got really good at reading Maas' foreshadowing, but I do feel that some of the major elements of this book were more predictable than before. My least favorite theory that came true is the one where *SPOILER* Aelin loses almost all her power and is saved in part by her water and Mala, but remains at a low level of power; honestly, I can understand Aelin losing some of her powers, but for the supposedly most powerful female Fae in the world to be reduced to mere embers and some water, while she's surrounded by powerful male Fae like Rowan and Fenrys and Dorian, who end up being more powerful than her after she forges the Lock, is annoying (especially when it was said earlier in the series that power calls to power)*END SPOILER*. So, 4/5 stars overall. I really like a lot of the stuff that happens in the book, it was great to see Nox again and seeing everyone with their powers out and fighting was awesome, and I think most of the characters get a good resolution to their arcs. However, the book is way too long, is too boring during certain parts of it to warrant it being that long, and definitely did some characters dirty. Combined with the fact my least fav theory came true--a little petty? maybe--and the fact that aside from the characters done wrong, no one really dies, I decided to drop a star despite the other interesting things that happen during this book.

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lucy-sky · 5 years

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Alive (Shane Walsh x Reader)

Hi everyone! So, basically @magneto81‘s drabble kinda inspired me to write some Shane too and it turned out to be longer than I expected. It’s my first TWD fanfiction writing and my first writing including some kind of action, so please be gentle with me :) I discovered it’s not easy to write stuff like this. But it was rather refreshing, yep.

Summary: Walking alone in the woods is quite dangerous these days, but you love risk and it gets you in trouble. Thankfully Shane is around to save you. Now you’re two troubled souls hiding from walkers in a small cabin...

This fic includes: NSFW (porn with feelings... kinda), mentions of violence, a bit of angst and a bit of fluff (which is typical for me). Overall it was kinda cool writing it and I hope you enjoy :) The gif is by me, please credit if using, thanks.

Walking down the forest path you tried to make as little noise as possible. You knew it was dangerous to walk alone like that. And you knew Daryl would be pissed if he learned that you went to check their snares without him. You actually spent quite a lot of time convincing him teach you how to set them. But you couldn’t help it. You loved the sense of adrenaline rising inside you as you crept down the narrow path listening carefully to the sounds and whispers of the forest around you. Yes, you loved risk. Now it was the only thing that made you feel something close to excitement and didn’t let you become sullen, consumed by grief and sadness. You knew it wasn’t okay. You weren’t okay. Sometimes you didn’t even feel like yourself. But anyway, you realized very clearly that after all you’ve been through you could hardly be the same ever again.

Your story wasn’t extraordinary. There was some tragedy behind almost everyone these days. Your not very experienced group was attacked by walkers. Only you and your brother survived. You owed him your life, but you couldn’t save him. The worst thing was that your brother wasn’t even killed by a walker. A man from another group killed him to get your supplies. You remembered how a part of you wanted to get out of your hiding place and do something, but you were too scared. Looking back at what happened, you asked yourself what you could do. Nothing, actually. You would just die with him. Which would might be for the best, but… You wanted to live. You were surprised by this fact, but it was true. Yes, you were lonely and devastated, but you still didn’t want to die. For some time you managed to survive alone, hiding from both humans and walkers, until Shane Walsh found you one day in the woods.

After what happened you honestly didn’t know if you could ever trust people again, but Shane managed to convince you to join their group somehow. There was something in him that reminded you of your brother, yet they were very different. Shane could be quite impulsive at times, even aggressive; your brother, unlike him, mostly used to be calm. But both of them were really caring and protective. That type of men who just needed someone to care for. You felt that in Shane from the start despite his quite brutal exterior. And even though you were in rather good terms with most of the people in the group, he was still the only person you really trusted. He seemed to be as lonely as you, so you felt kinda attached to him. Sometimes you saw him being really angry, even furious, but he was never aggressive towards you. Sometimes you caught yourself at the thought that you felt strangely good around him.

Shane was also the only person who knew your story. One night you couldn’t sleep and Shane was on the watch. So you left your tent and joined him at the fire. You had a conversation. You didn’t really know what made you that talkative, but you told him what happened to you and how guilty you felt about your brother’s death, even though you clearly could have done nothing in that case. Shane told you he understands. He also experienced this sense of guilt. When the whole thing started, he tried to save Rick, who was unconscious in the hospital.

- God knows I tried to get him out, just couldn’t make it. And I knew I did everything I could, but I still felt guilty for leaving him there, - he said bitterly, spurts of flame reflecting in his dark and slightly misty eyes. You remembered the rumors you heard about his complicated relationships with Rick and his wife (you lived in quite a small group of people after all, so…), but you didn’t ask him anything. It was none of your business, plus it seemed to you that he was trying hard to forget about it and move on. Instead, you just nodded and then you did something you didn’t quite expect from yourself - you softly rested your head on his shoulder. You were sitting like that at the fire – two broken people in this cruel new world. Nothing else happened between you and him that night. But since then you knew for sure - Shane cared for you.

And he also probably wouldn’t be happy to know that you were walking all alone in the woods at the moment.

***

The forest was silent. This silence was only giving you more tension. The first two snares were empty yet, but you had a good feeling about the third one, so you walked up the hill to check it.

A sudden cracking sound somewhere not far from you made you jolt. Your foot slipped and you just couldn’t poise. The next second you realized you were falling down the hill. You didn’t even have a chance to check if you were injured or not: the moment you hit the ground a walker appeared seemingly out of nowhere, probably it was exactly under that goddamn hill and you almost knocked it down as you collapsed. Your instinct worked suddenly well – you managed to get the knife out of your pocket and stick into the walker’s eye the second before its teeth clenched millimeters from your face. Pushing the hideous body away, you jumped to your feet abruptly and winced at a sudden pungent pain in your leg. Another walker appeared from behind the tree and your hand instantly moved to your gun, but the next moment familiar grunting and hissing sounds around you intensified. One more walker. And one more. You realized you were getting surrounded by a hoard. The gun was useless at this point - there were too many of them, and you were alone. All you could do was to run, and so you did. Your injured leg hurt badly, but you told yourself not to think of it. The only thing that drove you was a primal instinct to survive. For some idiotic reason you forgot one pretty important rule: not to look back. You turned your head to… you were not sure why you did this. To check how many walkers were there behind you? Or how close they were?.. Anyway, it wasn’t a wise decision and you got immediately punished for that. Another walker caught you off guard; it appeared from behind the bush on your right, grabbing your arm which made you drop the knife. You cringed away, stumbling on your injured leg and almost fell down again. The walker’s rotten teeth were so close to your flesh that for a split second you thought it was the end…

A gunshot rang out causing you flinch. The walker fell on the ground.

- Y/n!

You turned your head to the sound of this familiar voice. Shane. You looked at each other for just a quick moment before he rushed to you, shooting a couple more walkers on his way. You bent down, picking your knife and stabbed another one into its temple before Shane pulled the trigger once again. He’s just saved your life, but you still refused to be a damsel in distress. You could still take care of yourself. You didn’t know exactly if you wanted to prove it to him or to yourself. He grabbed your shoulders as he approached you, looking you in the eyes.

- Are you okay?

- It’s fine, just my leg, it’s a bit…

You didn’t have to finish the sentence; he seized your waist, holding you tight.

- Come on. That way. We can’t bring the walkers to the camp.

Damn. He was absolutely right. And you didn’t even think of it in your state of panic. Stupid, stupid y/n. You kept ignoring the pain in your leg, gripping onto Shane’s shirt as you half walked half ran. You were still faster than the walkers and it was a good thing. You stumbled, but Shane’s grip was firm and strong.

Finally you saw something in front of you… A house… Or more like a small cabin in the woods. It was a blessing. You had to hide somewhere until the hoard would be gone. Shane slammed against the door, but it wasn’t even closed. You got inside and closed the barrier bar of the door.

- Stay here, - Shane muttered. Holding his gun in time for a clear shot, he carefully walked from one room to another, checking them.

- All clear, - he said, coming back to you.

The sounds of walkers around the house were becoming louder as they got closer, so together you moved a sofa to the door to block it. You also checked all windows.

- Seems to be safe for now, - you told Shane, wincing as you stepped on injured leg. He noticed that.

- Okay. Now we need to fix you.

***

Shane helped you to get to the small bedroom where you could sit on the bed.

- Where exactly does it hurt? - He asked, hunkering down in front of you.

- The ankle.

He nodded, pushing your trouser a bit up to examine the injury. You shivered a bit at the sensation of his fingers on your skin.

- It looks okay, - he finally said. - I ain’t no doctor, but you probably just twisted it. Happened to me as well. Wait, I’ll check if there’s any medicine here. We need a bandage or something.

Without waiting for your answer he stood up and headed to the bathroom. The first aid kit wasn’t hard to find and soon Shane was wrapping elastic bandage around your twisted ankle.

- Thanks, Shane, - you said to him. – I… don’t know what I would do without you. I’d be already dead, I guess.

- Yeah, well… - he sighed, getting up and sitting on the bed next to you. - Actually, we need to talk, y/n. You need to tell me… What the hell?! What were you doing in the goddamn forest?

- I… was checking the snares we set yesterday with Daryl… - you replied, your voice a bit shaky as Shane’s eyes were fixing you, making you quite uncomfortable.

- Why didn’t Daryl go with you than? Let me guess… You didn’t tell him? Seriously, y/n. Why do you always take this stupid, unnecessary risk, huh?

He sounded irritated. You didn’t know why it bothered him so much - you didn’t ask him for saving you, after all. But he totally was pissed even more than you expected.

- Why are you doing this? Tell me!

- Because I want to feel something! - You suddenly snapped. - Because since I’ve lost my brother all I can feel is emptiness! Absolute dark emptiness inside me, and it’s unbearable, it’s killing me! I’m just… ughhh… - You let out a deep breath, trying to collect yourself. - I’m trying to be tough and strong, but I just feel so small and weak… I… Sometimes I think the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is that I just ain’t got enough balls to do it…

- Hey.

You wanted to say something else, but Shane suddenly stopped you. His fingers grabbed your chin, causing you face him. He looked right into your eyes, and his gaze was so intense it gave you chills.

- Hey, don’t you ever say something like this. Do you understand? - His voice was quiet, yet firm. - You’re stronger than you think you are, girl. Trust me. Do you trust me?

- Ye… yes, - you nodded, unable to take your eyes of his, - yes.

The next moment something happened. What exactly - you couldn’t tell. But in one quick move Shane’s lips suddenly crushed on yours. The kiss was needy, hungry and feverish, all teeth and tongue, as if he wanted to devour you. The moment you broke the kiss, both gasping for air and he looked at you, his eyes dark and desperate, you realized that you needed it probably as much as he did. So you just grabbed his shirt, pulling him back to you. He responded eagerly, smirking against your lips, sighing deeply as his tongue attacked your mouth relentlessly. You wrapped your arms around his neck, humming with pleasure. When were you kissed like that last time?.. Hell, probably it never happened to you before. It was something wild, passionate. As if you both were two thirsty people in a desert, who finally found a stream and couldn’t get enough of it. Shane’s big warm hands got under your shirt and you shivered at his touch. He pushed the shirt up and you tugged it off over your head, instantly helping him to do the same. The sight of his naked upper body made you feel the heat pulsing between your legs - he was big and strong and firm, muscles tensing as he was breathing raggedly. Leaning upon you, his greedy mouth covering your lips again, he pushed you into a lying position, hovering over you. His fingers entangled into your hair as he began kissing and nibbling at your jawline on his way to your neck. He sucked and licked your sensitive skin, causing you moan and gasp and writhe beneath him. Your heart beat fast, nearly jumping out of your chest. You felt his hardness through his pants as he slightly bucked his hips against yours, and it turned you on even more. Reaching your chest, he pulled down your bra strap almost ripping it off. A whiny moan escaped you as he enclosed your hardened nipple into his mouth. You felt his teeth and his tongue and grabbed the hair on the back of his head, instinctively pulling him closer. Your entire body was aching and burning, craving for his touch. Shane moved further down, tracing your belly with sloppy kisses. He fumbled a little unbuttoning your jeans and you eagerly arched your hips helping him to pull them down together with your panties. Straightening himself, Shane pressed his palm to your mound, his fingers brushing against your folds with a sudden tenderness. You gasped and shuddered as he slowly pushed his index and middle fingers inside you. He didn’t move and it was a torture, so you had to buck your hips towards him. He watched your movements, eyes darkened with lust, registering every pant and quiet moan, every little shudder of your flushed body until he couldn’t take it any longer and buried his head in between your thighs. You bit your lip in a desperate attempt not to cry out loud as he began sucking on your clit, slowly bending his fingers inside you. Your back arched uncontrollably, lips parted, gasping for air, fingers tugged on his thick hair. Enormous wave of pleasure was about to crush on you, but you wanted more. You wanted him, all of him, as close, as deep as possible.

- Shane, - you whimpered, - I want... I want you...

You were too out of breath to finish the phrase, but thankfully he got you just right.

- Shhh, calm down, - he hushed softly, removing his fingers from your aching core and kissing your inner thighs before getting on his feet. You watched him unbuckling his belt and taking his jeans and boxers off, anticipation sending shivers down your spine. Then he was finally on top of you, his lips on yours again, the tip of his cock pressing against your entrance. He pushed inside you with one hard thrust of his hips, causing you whimper and dig your nails deep into his shoulders at the sensation of him stuffing you. He was big, maybe even a bit too big for you, it was almost painful... But damn, it was a delicious pain.

- Okay?.. - He whispered hoarsely, pressing his forehead to yours and giving you a moment to adjust to him and catch your breath. You just nodded, looking into his eyes and pulling him into a kiss. And then he started moving, increasing his pace little by little, encouraged by your delightful moans. He felt just so good, and each thrust brought you closer and closer to the edge, hitting your sweet spots just right, just the way you needed. You felt good for him as well, you could tell it by his pleasurable grunts. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you pulled him even closer and kissed the side of his neck making him shiver. You inhaled the scent of his skin - a mixture of sweat and something else, something you couldn’t quite grasp, but you loved it anyway. So good. So real. His movements were becoming faster, more intense, and you were close, so close, almost there.

- Shane, Shane... - You whispered feverishly, savouring the sound of his name on your lips.

- I’m here, - his breath was hot against your ear. - I’m here.

And that was it. That was enough to shatter the world around you into pieces, bringing you to the state of the most delicious euphoria you’ve ever experienced. Your climax was long and intense and absolutely mindblowing, your toes curled and your body trembled. Somewhere on the back of your mind you heard Shane hissed through clenched teeth, letting himself go too. He collapsed on top of you breathlessly, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. He was quite heavy, but you liked it. Your fingers stroked his spine up and down until both of you could breathe normally again.

With a deep satisfied growl Shane rolled on his back, pulling you to his chest, and you felt small, enclosed into his strong arms as he held you tightly. Small, but absolutely not weak. His presence made you feel stronger. No, you still weren’t a damsel in distress. But only now you realized how tired you got of being completely on your own. Maybe you could let him take care of you for a change? You knew you both needed that. Needed each other.

Shane took a deep breath and kissed the top of your head. A simple gesture that made your heart melt at the sensation of closeness and tenderness.

- Hey... you okay, y/n? how are you feeling? - He mumbled against your hair.

- Alive, - you replied simply. - I’m feeling alive.

***

Thank you for reading!

#shane walsh x reader #jon bernthal #shane walsh #The Walking Dead #shane walsh x you #twd shane #twd #shane x reader #fanfiction #reader insert #lucy tries to write

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britesparc · 5 years

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Weekend Top Ten #388

Top Ten Things Tim Burton’s Batman Films Did Right

Thirty years ago, give or take, the first Tim Burton Batman movie was released in cinemas (according to Google, its UK release date was 11th August 1989). Everyone knows the story; it was a phenomenon, a marketing juggernaut, a hit probably beyond what anyone was reasonably expecting. I was too young to understand or appreciate what was going on, but for twenty years or more the image of Batman in the public consciousness was intertwined with Adam West and pop-art frivolity. Suddenly superheroes were “dark” and “grown-up”; suddenly we had multi-million-dollar-grossing properties, franchises, and studios rummaging through their back catalogues of acquired IPs to land the next four-quadrant hit. Throughout the rest of the nineties we got a slew of pulp comic adaptations – The Spirit, The Phantom, Dick Tracy – before the tangled web of Marvel licenses became slightly easier to unpick, and we segued into the millennium on the backs of Blade, X-Men, and Spider-Man. Flash-forward to a super-successful Batman reboot, then we hit the MCU with Iron Man, and we all know where that goes. And it all began with Batman!

Except, of course, that’s not quite the whole story. Studios were trying to adapt superheroes and comic books for a number of years, not least because Richard Donner’s Superman had been such a huge hit a decade before Batman. And the Batman films themselves began to deteriorate in quality pretty rapidly. Plus, when viewed from the distance of a couple of decades or more, the supposed dark, gritty, adult storytelling in Burton’s films quickly evaporates. They’re just as camp, silly, and nonsensical as the 1960s show, they’re just visually darker and with more dry ice. Characters strut around in PVC bodysuits; the plots make little to no sense; characterisation is secondary to archetype; and Batman himself is quite divorced from his comic incarnation, killing enemies often capriciously and being much less of a martial artist or detective than he appeared on the page (in fact, Adam West’s Batman does a lot more old-school deducing than any of the cinematic Batmen).

I think a lot of people of my generation, who grew up with Adam West, went through a period of disowning the series because it was light, bright, campy and, essentially, for children; then we grow up and appreciate it all the more for being those things, and also for being a pure and delightful distillation of one aspect of the comics (seriously, there’s nothing in the series that’s not plausibly from a 1950s Batman comic). And I think the same is true of Burton’s films. for all their importance in terms of “legitimising” superhero movies, they have come in for a lot of legitimate criticism, and in the aftermath of Christopher Nolan’s superlative trilogy they began to look very old-fashioned and a much poorer representation of the character. But then, again, we all grow up a little bit and can look back on them as a version of Batman that’s just as valid; they don’t have to be perfect, they don’t have to be definitive, but we can enjoy them for what they are: macabre delights, camp gothic comedies, delightfully stylised adventure stories. They might lack the visual pizazz of a Nolan fight scene or, well, anything in any MCU movie, but they’re very much of a type, even if that type was aped, imitated, and parodied for a full decade following Batman’s release. There’s much to love about Burton’s two bites of the Bat-cherry, and here – at last – I will list my ten favourite aspects of the films (that’s both films, Batman and Batman Returns).

Tim Burton’s Batman isn’t quite my Batman (but, for the record, neither is Christopher Nolan’s), but whatever other criticisms I may have of the films, here are ten things that Burton and his collaborators got absolutely right.

Great Design: seriously, from an aesthetic point of view, they’re gorgeous. The beautiful Anton Furst Gotham, all gothic towers and industrial pipework, is a thing of beauty, and in terms of live-action the design of all of Batman’s vehicles and gadgets has never been bettered. It gives Batman, and his world, a gorgeously distinctive style all its own.

Wonderful Toys: it’s not just the design of the Batmobile and Batwing that impresses (big, bulbous round bits, sweeping curves, spiky wings); its how they’re used. Burton really revels in the gadgets, making Batman a serious tech-head with all manner of grappling hooks, hidden bombs, and secret doo-dahs to give him an upper hand in a fight. It makes up for the wooden combat (a ninja Michael Keaton is not), suggesting this Batman is a smarter fighter than a physical one. Plus all those gadgets could get turned into literal wonderful toys. Ker-ching.

He is the Night: Adam West’s Batman ran around during the day, in light grey spandex with a bright blue cape. Michael Keaton’s Batman only ever came out at night, dressed entirely in thick black body armour, and usually managed to be enveloped in smoke. From his first appearance, beating up two muggers on a Gotham rooftop, he is a threatening, scary, sinister presence. It totally sold the idea of Batman as part-urban legend, part-monster. Burton is fascinated with freaks, and in making his Batman freaky, he made him iconic.

You Wanna Get Nuts?: added to this was Michael Keaton’s performance as Bruce Wayne. Controversial casting due to his comedy background and, frankly, lack of an intimidating physique, he nevertheless utterly convinced. Grimly robotic as Batman, he presented a charming but secretive Bruce Wayne, one who was kind and heartfelt in private, but also serious, determined, and very, very smart. But he also excellently portrayed a dark anger beneath the surface, a mania that Bruce clearly had under control, but which he used to fuel his campaign, and which he allowed out in the divisive but (in my opinion) utterly brilliant “Let’s get nuts!” scene. To this date, the definitive screen Bruce Wayne.

Dance with the Devil: The counterpoint to this was Jack Nicholson’s Joker. Cashing a phenomenal cheque for his troubles, he nevertheless delivered; his Joker is wild, over-the-top, cartoonish but also terrifying. In my late teens I was turned off by the performance, feeling it a pantomime and not reflective of the quiet menace and casual cruelty of, say, Mark Hamill’s Joker; but now I see the majesty of it. You need someone this big to be a believable threat to Batman. No wonder that, with Joker dead, they essentially had to have three villains to replace him in the sequel.

Family: Bruce’s relationship with Alfred is one of the cornerstones of the comic, but really only existed in that capacity since the mid-80s and Year One (which established Alfred as having raised Bruce following his parents’ deaths). So in many ways the very close familial relationship in Batman is a watershed, and certainly the first time many people would have seen that depicted. Michael Gough’s Alfred is benign, charming, very witty, and utterly capable as a co-conspirator. One of the few people to stick around through the Schumacher years, he maintained stability even when everything else was going (rubber) tits up.

Meow: I’ve mostly focussed on Batman here, but by jeebies Batman Returns has a lot going for it too. Max Shreck, the Penguin, “mistletoe is deadly if you eat it”… but pride of place goes to Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. An utterly bonkers origin but a perfectly pitched character, she was a credible threat, a believable love interest, and an anti-hero worth rooting for, in a tour-de-force performance. Also came along at just the right time for me to experience puberty. If you’re interested. Plus – and this can’t be overstated – she put a live bird into her mouth. For real. I mean, Christ.

Believably Unreal: I used to criticise Batman for being unrealistic, just as campy in its own way as the ‘60s show. But that’s missing the point. It’s a stylised world, clearly not our own thanks to the Furst-stylings. And Burton uses that to his advantage. The gothic stylings help sell the idea of a retro-futuristic rocket-car barrelling through city streets; the mishmash of 80s technology and 40s aesthetics gives us carte blanche for a zoot-suited Joker and his tracksuited henchmen to tear up a museum to a Prince soundtrack. It’s a world where Max Shreck, looking like Christopher Walken was electrocuted in a flour factory, can believably run a campaign to get Penguin elected mayor, even after he nearly bites someone’s nose off. It’s crazy but it works.

Believably Corrupt: despite the craziness and unreality, the first Batman at least does have a strong dose of realism running through it. The gangsters may be straight out of the 40s but they’ve adopted the gritty grimness of the intervening decades, with slobby cop Eckhart representing corrupt law enforcement. Basically, despite the surrealism on display, the sense of Gotham as a criminal cesspool is very well realised, and extends to such a high level that the only realistic way to combat any of it is for a sad rich man to dress up as Dracula and drive a rocket-car at a clown.

The Score: I’ve saved this for last because, despite everything, Danny Elfman’s Batman theme is clearly the greatest and strongest legacy of the Burton era. Don’t come at me with your “dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-Batman” nonsense. Elfman’s Batman score is sublime. Like John Williams’ Superman theme, it’s iconic, it’s distinctive, and as far as I’m concerned it’s what the character should sound like. I have absolutely no time for directors who think you should ever make a Batman film with different music. It’s as intrinsically linked with the character as the Star Wars theme is with, well, Star Wars. It’s perfect and beautiful and the love-love-love the fact that they stuck it in the Animated Series too.

Whelp, there we are. The ten best things about Burton’s two Batman movies. I barely spoke about the subsequent films because, well, they’re both crap. No, seriously, they’re bad films. Even Batman Forever. Don’t start.

#top ten #batman #1989 #tim burton #Michael Keaton #batman returns #comics #movies

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pinayelf · 6 years

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OC as a Child

I was tagged by the lovely @star--nymph!

Here’s Imryll as a baby:

Imryll was the roundest kid ever lol

Who named them/Significance of their name:

I’m going to be honest, I used a name generator to name her because she was originally going to just be someone I tested mods on, but I got attached. I really wish I named her something Tagalog, which is what I try to do for most my OCs.

Imryll is an elven name, since her family comes from Seheron it probably has roots there, but the meaning is now unknown.

Home they grew up in:

Clan Lavellan is nomadic, but they stayed mostly around the Free Marches. Imryll was a skittish kid, so she usually stuck close to her parents when they’d travel. She liked sitting in the aravel when her mother pushed it. Wherever they’d camp, her father would surround the tent with dried herbs, so that smells reminds her of home.

Imryll is shy, and she often had trouble making friends. They had to come up to her first. Her brother was her first best friend and he helped her break out of her shell a bit. She becomes very good friends with Liranael because she initiated the friendship first - she always give Imryll a confidence boost and that’s why she fell in love with her.

As for with the rest of the clan, Imryll is close to the Keeper. Because she’s shy, for the most part she’s on decent terms with the other members, but not super close to them. However, this other elf in her clan, Adwen, was jealous of her brother (who was popular) and after her brother’s death began to pick on Imryll because she became so vulnerable. That affected her greatly.

Relationship with parents:

At the beginning of Inquisition - strained. Her brother’s death shattered her family. Her father, Thrilan, who is the more affectionate one, withdrew and got lost in his own grief. Her mother, Adrila, is more stoic and has a very “tell it like it is personality” and wasn’t very good at giving comfort. When Imryll lost her brother, she also kind of lost her dad as emotional support. Her mother urged her to be “strong” for her father, despite the fact that grief was swallowing her. This built up some resentment, so Imryll saved her affections for the Keeper, Liranael, and her other few friends.

During Inquisition, Imryll being away gave all of them time to reflect and realize that they’d taken being together for granted. Initially, Imryll talks to them through letters to the Keeper, but then when she starts to pull herself out of self-wallowing, she so badly wanted to speak to them again. She was close with them when she was a child and she missed it. So she sucked it up and made the first move, she wrote to her father first, gushing to him about Cullen. She got a sweet letter back and she cried.

Pre-trespasser, after Corypheus’ defeat, her parents come up to Skyhold to visit her and they start to mend their relationship.

Three Words to describe them as a child:

Nervous, shy, quiet

Childhood friend(s):

Liranael - who became her first love and late girlfriend, a girl named Danae, and a boy named Virell who got transferred to a different clan who needed a mage. She and Danae drifted after Liranael died but when she returns they rekindle their friendship.

Favorite Toy:

Her father’s dried herbs lol, which drove him crazy. She loved how they smelled, so her father would take some leftovers and put it in a pouch so she could just smell it because it helped her calm down. Not really a toy, but before her brother’s death, he weaved her a bracelet and she wore it all the time, unfortunately she lost it at the conclave.

Childhood Trauma?:

Her brother’s death. Her brother was sort of her security blanket when she was younger, being shy and all. They were also close. Plus, his death almost tore her family apart.

Hobbies:

Picking herbs and drying them, experimenting with salves and balms, hearing old Dalish tales, taking naps (lmao), learning alchemy

Childhood fear(s):

Things that go bump in the night. Or just things that go bump.

Quirks:

Imryll often looked at her feet, she didn’t like looking at people in the eye. When nervous she tilts her head to the left and digs her heel into the ground. Also she squeaks if she feels a sudden rush of intense emotion. Sera spooks her? Squeaks. Josie tells her that nobles want to meet her under short notice? Squeaks. Varric almost flops down the stairs? Squeaks. Cullen’s shirtless? Squeaks.

I’m tagging @wardenofmyheart @athdhea @windysuspirations and @elevanetheirin!

#imryll lavellan #inquisitor lavellan #dragon age inquisition #dai #long post #imryll is a marshmallow #physically and figuratively

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alia-turin · 6 years

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Fic Title: Broken Bonds [Chapter VIII] All Chapters: Master List

Rating:T Characters: OC, Libertus Ostium, Cor Leonis, Luche Lazarus (mentioned), Titus Drautos | Glauca (mentioned), Nyx Ulric (mentioned), Gladiolus Amicitia, Crowe Altius (mentioned), Iris Amicitia, Prompto, Ignis Summary: Finally I reached ‘Iggy’s chapter’. Somelight hearted conversation between Ignis and Ada about Altissia, the ring and the upcoming Ignis restaurant. Things with Cor getting messier. Notes: There is small Episode Ignis spoiler Tagging: @birdsandivory @yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy @jojopitcher @fromunseeliecourt @lazarustrashpit @littlestfangirl

(if you wish to be tagged or untagged, please let me know)

Ada was at the bridge waiting for Gladio for their usual early morning work-out. She had spent the rest of the night on the wall taking over someone else’s duties. The hunters could use some rest and she couldn’t sleep anyway. She had yet again abandoned the Marshal in the middle of his sleep but she was struggling with how to deal with him. Of course, the problem wasn’t Cor, the problem was in her and she knew that sooner or later he would get bored of her bullshit and just tell her to leave him alone. Maybe subconsciously that was what she was trying to do? Maybe she was so scared of getting close to another human being that’s he was sabotaging herself.

“I’m afraid Gladio is busy this morning.” Ada turned around to see Ignis standing almost behind her. How on earth didn’t she hear him? “But if you want I can spar with you, it has been a while since I have had any sort of training.”

“But you are…” Ada was going to say ‘blind’ but stopped herself. How do you point that out without sounding like absolutely bitch?

“Blind?” the man suggested. “It is inconvenient but I have learned to find my way around it.”

She looked at him, glad that he cannot see the doubt covering her face. On one hand she was curious. She knew he lost his sight in Altissia but continued to follow the Prince long after, and the Prince’s journey certainly was eventful. Ignis had found his way around it, literary, but she still wasn’t sure she wanted to be the person who set the helpless retainer on fire.

“Okay…” she finally said. “But I won’t hold back.”

“I would be disappointed if you do.” He made a step back and adjusted one of his gloves.

Just now Ada realized she knew nothing about how he fights. Gladio was a powerhouse and that was his weakness as well. Prompto was their gun guy but physically he was easy to win over even for someone as small as she was. She has never seen Ignis fight.

She started casting a spell but before she finished there was a snowstorm around her and she knew it wasn’t hers.

‘That’s my trick…’ Ada thought but before she could even decide what to do Ignis appeared out of nowhere and swing at her with iced dagger. She had to wrap in the last possible second in order to avoid the hit. A very accurate hit which was going to end in her chest if she didn’t wrap. It was hard to admit but it wasn’t skill that saved her ass, it was pure instinct.

The storm was beginning to pass and she could see him, slowly but confidently walking toward her. She wrapped behind him, her dagger aiming for the back of his neck, but he somehow avoided that. She followed with series of knife attacks and wraps, but he was avoiding all of them. Casting her favourite snowstorm was going to be useless, he couldn’t see anyway, it was only her line of sight that was going to be affected. That exchange continued for a while, he was blocking or just evading every single attack she was making and even she managed to trip him few times he would always roll away just before the final blow. He cast a snowstorm again and Ada could feel her patients disappearing. She rushed towards him in all or nothing attack and it turned out to be nothing. She could barely see him, and he turned out to be closer than she thought. He tripped her, Ada fell hard, hitting her head in the cold ground. She tried to wrap but his cold dagger was pressed against her throat.

“I believe that’s my win.” She could see the man smiling and she smiled back even if she was sure he couldn’t see that.

“Well fought.” She responded and pushed herself up. Ignis was already standing, offering her a hand. It was amazing how during the fight she could swear he could see every move she made, but now…his hand was offered to her but it was a bit in general direction so it was up to her to find it and grab it.

“How do you do that?” she took his hand and found herself on her feet.

“I’m not completely helpless. Plus, lack of sight helps me focus on other senses and even feelings.”

“This glaive’s arrogance probably helped you.” At least she could admit she was beaten. She remembered a time when Tredd pulled pranks on her for a week because she kicked his ass.

“If you were arrogant, you wouldn’t take the loss so well.” He adjusted jus gloves and added. “Can ask you something?”

“Sure. It’s your right as a winner” Ada teased and walked with him towards the railing of the bridge.

“I know that the Marshal agreed to the idea about the restaurant and he had some conditions abut it and I also know that you, Gladio and Prompto managed to fulfil his conditions.”

At first Ada nodded but stupidly realized he couldn’t see that.

“Yes, we have.” She voiced her motion.

“Would it be extremely ungrateful of me, if I ask you to change the location?” he continued.

“No, especially since you ask so nicely.” Ada was more than impressed with his way of speaking. Part of her was even jealous. “But, where and why?”

“Galdin Quay.” He said calmly. “It is the place on this continent closer to Angelgard and I want to be as close as possible once the prince awakens.” He fell silent of a moment then continued. “Plus, they used to have excellent restaurant and as far as I am told must of their equipment is still there.”

“I really don’t see an issue with that.” Ada found the devotion Ignis had to the young prince more than admirable. Then again, the prince was their only hope for actual survival, she would probably camp in the water if that was possible and was going to bring him back to this world. “You might need to run that past Cor. I mean the Marshal.”

“I am aware who Cor is.” He gave her a teasing half smile and Ada realized she was blushing. Did he somehow know… “Did the Marshal give you trouble for that? Your voice was shacking when you mentioned him.”

“No, it’s not about that. We had a disagreement about something, but is unrelated.” It wasn’t actually a lie. It was just that she had a disagreement, with herself regarding him. At what point of her life did she become so unsure and scared of everything… “Can I ask you something. It’s fine if you don’t want to respond.” She decided to change the topic quickly before he sensed something else in her voice.

“Go ahead.” He had raised one of his eyebrows in curious expression.

“After Altissia…how…I mean it’s one thing to fight with me in more or less controlled environment, but you guys travelled so far. How?” She hoped that wasn’t pushing it too far.

“I had friends with me.” He didn’t even hesitate to answer. “And I had no choice. I have sworn to serve my prince and I would do anything I can to do so. Even if it wasn’t my oath, Noct means more to me than I can put into words. In Altissia I was ready to die for him, and that hasn’t changed ever since. Losing my sight is inconvenient, but as long as I could help him and support him, I will do that until I am breathing.”

Ada just stared at him admiring his devotion and wondering what kind of person was the young prince to inspire that. She had never spoken with the prince, just seen him few times. The royal family was rarely a responsibility of the glaives. She had a lot of respect of his father, but again it wasn’t because she knew the father but because of his actions. Ironically same actions that provoked respect in her had born anger in others.

“Did you know the glaive that put on the king’s ring?” Ignis’ question surprised her.

“Which one, there were two?” Ada could feel heart sinking somewhere in her stomach.

“Two? I always thought there was one. The glaive that defeated general Glauca.” He seemed surprised and Ada didn’t blame him. “I know that he passed away after the event, I tried to speak with Libertus but he avoided the topic.”

“They were close friends. We were all kind of close. You develop certain sort of affection toward people who fight and bleed with you even if you wouldn’t be friends in other circumstances, but these two knew each other before they joined the Kingsglaive. I think Libertus still hopes that Nyx is somewhere there but, if he was, we would have known. Also, no offence, but Nyx died after he put the ring, and here you are. I’m sure Libertus doesn’t hate you, it’s not your fault, but he probably cannot come to terms with the fact Nyx wasn’t so…lucky. If that could be called luck.” Ada was surprised at her own words. She never thought about that before, mostly because she had learned to accept things as they were long time ago. Ever since her family left Galahd she had been accepting what life was throwing her way and just fighting for her survival. She had accepted Nyx’s death and even if she mourned the loss of her friend in her own way, she knew no amount of ager or regret will bring him back. Too bad she couldn’t say the same about Luche’s death.

“You said there was another glaive?” she was hoping her words were forgotten but that wasn’t the case apparently.

“Libertus probably knows more about that than me.” Even if she was trying hard to avoid the topic, she actually knew very little about that. “He was somebody close to me, but decided to go where I couldn’t follow. Libertus told me he put the ring and the old kings killed him on the spot. That’s all I know.”

“The kings could be cruel.” Ignis added.

They both fell in silence after that. She had to fight her urge to defend Luche. She knew he messed up and he did deserve a punishment, but death? Losing a limb was going to be more than sufficient. And of course, there was Nyx. He didn’t deserve what he got either, but here they were.

“I will travel to Galdin Quay with Iris to set things up.” Ada said finally. “If you can just run it past the Marshal…” as she said that she saw a familiar figure approaching in the distance. ‘Fuck.’ Ada suddenly wished she could wrap somewhere but that wasn’t really an option. “I need to go.”

“Thank you, Ada” Ignis almost shouted after her since she was already on her way.

There was no avoiding that now. She took a deep breath and walked toward the city, same direction where the man she wanted to avoid was coming from. She tried to pass as far as possible from him but that didn’t work out. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest she thought she might drop down any moment now with a heart attack.

“I was hoping to wake up next to you today.” Cor had grabbed her wrist as she walked past him. It wasn’t a strong grip, in fact she didn’t even have to jerk her hand away in order to get free, but somehow, she found herself unable to release her wrist.

“I needed some fresh air.” She felt fourteen again, avoiding responsibilities with stupid excuses.

“Are you avoiding me again?” he let go of her and Ada was free to continue on her way but now she found it difficult to move away from him. Everything about him was driving her crazy. His smell, his body, his voice, his eyes…she wanted him. Not just physically, she wanted all of him and it was strangely painful to realize that, but at the same time she couldn’t relax around him exactly because she wanted him so much.

“No, I just have things to do…” she did but none of these things had to be completed now. “I will drop by once I’m done, also I think Ignis wants to speak with you.” She said all that way to fast and her body was finally released from whatever spell or madness had taken over her. “Please, don’t be angry with me.”

She didn’t wait for his response just walked away as fast as she could, hoping that at least part of her body was showing some sort of purpose, because clearly, she had none. Ironically, her avoidance of any personal issues had motivated her to work harder and help the people of Lestallum, but sooner or later she had to face the mess she had already created. Ada hoped that a demon was going to kill her before that happened.

#ignis scientia #cor leonis #libertus ostium #final fantsy xv #ffxv #ff15 #final fantasy 15 #my writing #fan fiction

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iamcinema · 4 years

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IAC Reviews #010: Blood Lake (1987) [Retrospective #2]

"...I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him...“

Over the years, I’ve been scowering the Internet trying to find the worst of the worst when it comes to horror movies. I guess you can call me a glutton for punishment in that regard since some movies need to be seen to be believed, rather than looked into as an example of what bad filmmaking looks like. Whether it’s a problem with the acting, the writing, the technical specs, or all of the above, you know you’re in for a good [or horrible] time if it checks one or more of those boxes. When it comes to bad horror movie lists, not just shot on video ones, one film in particular seems to rule them all as it’s hailed as one of the worst movies of all time, if not the worst horror film ever made. This time around, I’m making an ill-fated return to the Oklahoma to talk about Tim Boggs’ lone directorial credit, Blood Lake.

________________________________________

Blood Lake tells the story about a group of friends who are being stalked by a mad man while on a weekend getaway trip at the lake. It’s not the most original concept out there, but hey, what else is new? It’s interesting that this is Boggs’ only attempt at being a filmmaker and the rest of his credits are attributed to being part of the sound department for notable films and shows like Lost Highway, Tales From the Crypt, Xena: Warrior Princess, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and Legion. That’s a hell of a resume, but that’s not what we’re here to really discuss.

I heard about the notority of this for years, and I decided to take the plunge with it nearly five years ago where I live reviewed it for Under the Morgue. Needless to say, I didn’t have fun with it and I don’t think I ever ripped into a film that hard up until that point. With the anniversary date of that review coming up, I thought it would be fair to do a retrospect on this to see if it really lives up to how genuinely atrocious I thought it was all those years ago.

Blood Lake in One Gif:

I think I need to lay down for this one. Do you know that feeling of nostalgia you get when you see, hear, or smell something that really takes you back to a better time? Well, whatever the antithisis to that is would describe the seething rage and horror I felt re-watching this.

________________________________________

While it’s true that some movies need to be witnessed to truly understand how bad they are, it’s also fair to say that some things shouldn’t be known by mere mortals - and this absolutely applies to films like Ax’Em and Blood Lake. They’re as cut-and-dry and boring as they are in premise, and a train wreck of a travesty in execution at that.

The quality from a technical standpoint is pretty damn atrocious, particularly during some of the nighttime shots since it can be hard to tell what’s going on and it feels like you’re squinting the whole time trying to tell what you’re looking at. The sound is just as bad, though sometimes it fairs better than the visuals, even if a good chunk of the time you can’t tell what the hell anyone is saying because they’re either too far from the mic to be picked up or it’s a dialogue problem with everyone mumbling, talking over each other, or fumbling over their lines. IMDB says the sound was shot with a single shotgun microphone, and yeah...it kind of shows.

C’mon. Look at this and tell me you can figure out what the fuck all is going on.

The writing feels almost non-existent as Boggs encouraged the actors to paraphrase the dialogue in their own words to I guess make it feel more natural. However, with how clumsy things are, it’s hard to really tell how much was ad-libbed or done by the actors themselves. The total direction and set-up with the pacing is absolute garbage and some of the worst I’ve ever seen, as it’s padded out with gratuitously long shots of them doing things like “extreme” sports on the water or a scene of them drinking at a table that goes on for close to ten minutes. It feels like the director left the camera on a tripod and accidentally filmed their lunch break. People have said this feels like a glorified home movie, and I get why. I’ve ripped on Las Vegas Bloodbath for how bad the filler was during its third act; as well as the opening dance sequences and the yo mama jokes in the opening of Ax’Em for needlessly dragging things out, or even the flashback sequences in Nick Millard’s films - even if they don’t exist within the canon of the story. Hell, Sledgehammer does this too by slowing down scenes in order to pad it out to a 60 minute runtime after being told it was too short.

When it comes to the characters, they aren’t anything special and are mostly forgettable. With this camp, I designated them to one of two sides of the field; boring and awful. All of them I’ve mostly shoved over on the boring side, as they never really do anything noteworthy or special, so I wouldn’t be able to tell you their names off the top of my head for the most part. However, some of the guys do teeter on being awful and annoying as hell, but one character in particular stayed on the shit teir side of the spectrum from start to finish - which would be Tony.

Oh, god. Tony....

This guy right here. This motherfucker made watching this the first time around feel like a total chore. But the second time around, and willingly so, it was like pulling teeth to get me to finish.

I don’t mind weird, perverted, sleazy dickheads who show up now and again, but Tony is a special case because his entire shtick is being a weird creep to the point of giving off rapey vibes with the other guys over how his goal at the end of the weekend is to conquer some girl he goes to school with. Bro, you’re like twelve, shut the fuck up. It’s beyond cringe. It’s insufferable, and prior to this, I said over on Under the Morgue that Alan from Return to Sleepaway Camp was the most unsympathetic “protagonist” I had ever seen. But now, compared to him and the majority of the characters from Await Further Instructions, I don’t know who is the most grating to sit through - and I spent most of my time on that review talking about how the zero level of characterization makes it so hard to watch. In that review, I said I can appreciate a scummy character if they have any sort of secondary personality trait that makes you love to hate them, or at least makes them tolerable. With Tony, he’s just an annoying, pervy brat who I guess is about as comedic and charming as a trench foot infection.

It’s pretty damn rare that I see a movie where I root for the villain(s) from start to finish because I can’t stand the majority, if not all of the characters. So, having to recall how many times I wished Tony would have drowned within the first fifteen minutes or had a joint stubbed out in his damn eye has proved to be more enjoyable than the entirety of this shit show, since the only tail he should have been chasing was the tailpipe of the damn car he arrived in. I was honestly surprised we didn’t get any Summer Camp Nightmare moments given how much of a creep the twerp is, and I still am now.

The fact that this is called a slasher film feels like a cruel joke, since after the opening kill, the next murder doesn’t happen until close to the fifty minute mark in an 82 minute movie (78 minutes if you get rid of the credits). Plus, because of the abysmal quality, you can’t even see them clear enough to tell what’s happening. It’s so frustrating to feel like you’d get more out of the death scenes by closing your eyes the whole time. It’s up there with Ax’Em in terms of quality and how much it feels like they cheat you, which makes me wonder why bother at all if it’s possible you can’t even see what’s going on when you were editing the damn thing?

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So, here we are at the dreaded moment where I close this off with how I’d rate this. Is it as bad as I remember it being? Yes, if not more so. I had to pause and walk away from it for a bit to cool off and do something else because it was so tedious sit through.

It just goes on, and on, and on, which was only made worse by obnoxious characters that were a total hassle to put up with who could have been reduced to Douchebag #1, Generic Girl #2, and Rattail Motherfucker #1 based on how little they actually did to make me want to remember their names - and the ones who did were the most insufferable of the lot that I couldn’t forget them even if I wanted to. There’s little to no actual blood and gore, and with the very little there was, it was completely wasted in scenes that you can’t see clearly which is a damn shame because one of the kills could have had a decent reveal if it was shot better.

If I had to say just one good thing about the film to be generous, not counting that it had some kind of a reachable end, it was the mediocre soundtrack supplied by the band Voyager. It’s not good at all, but hey, if you like cheesy 80s horror soundtracks, there’s that going for it...I guess. With all that being said, I never want to see this disaster ever again. I’m trying to wrap my head around how people genuinely like this, even in a so bad it’s good type of way, and I just don’t get it. This, for me, is arguably one of the worst horror movies I’ve ever seen, and probably ever will.

RATING: 0.5/10

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#blood lake #sov #sov horror #shot on video #shot on video horror #80's horror #80s horror #horror movie #horror movies #horror film #slasher #film #horror #movie review #film review #iac reviews

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