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sunflowersteves · 4 years

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Hi! Can I please request a Bucky x short!civilian!fem!reader where Y/n is pretty much family of the Avengers, & the team is back together & Buck is joins the team. Steve asks Y/n if she can teach Bucky all about the 21st century, since she is still in college knows more about the 21st century than he does. She & Bucky fall in love after spending so much time with each other, & she also helps him with his nightmares & will gently hold his metal hand, showing him he isn’t a monster & she loves him

bucky barnes x short!civilian!fem!reader

author’s note || sjsjs I couldn’t think of another meme and I figured that Bucky wouldn’t get a Kermit reference either. I hope you enjoy!! @kpopgirlbtssvt

warnings || none, fluff, nightmares

Ever since moving into the compound in Upstate New York, you had gotten even closer with the avengers. They had already loved you since Rhodey had introduced you to the team. Tony even hired you as a coordinator for Stark Industries which then prompted all of them to ask you to move in. You knew they just saw you as a family but they all played it off as ‘because you work for Tony, you wouldn’t have to commute.’

Recently, since Hydra infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Winter Soldier had gone to Wakanda to get rid of the trigger words, Bucky had been a new addition to the team. Tony was still mad at him and never talked to him nor made eye contact but everyone seemed somewhat happy to see him around. Especially you. Despite feeling distressed for Tony, you also understood that Bucky didn’t willingly do those things. Hydra taking utter control of him wasn’t his fault, so you always reassured him that eventually, Tony will come around. He’s just a stubborn bitch.

For the past month, you have been teaching Bucky 21st century slang, mannerisms, pop culture, etc. On the day that Bucky arrived at the compound, Steve asked you if you could teach him some things.

“And you can’t, old man?”

“Hey, I’m just now getting used to a smartphone. You’re more equipped for this.” And since then you’ve been teaching Bucky everything there is to know about your generation and the future.

You would sit on the couch in the living room of the compound and either show him pertinent movies or read books together or you show him other things regarding the 21st century like cellphones, social media, etc. Ever since the first day that you had taught him, you were head over heels for him. At first, he was quiet, blushing at every little thing you said which made your heart soar to the moon. After a while and he got closer to you, he was more open and confident, even would tease you. And now you were really in trouble, that crush ended up being a fire burning love for him to the point where if he just dropped the question of marriage you would say yes.

Today, your lesson was showing him memes. For the past two and a half hours, you had been showing him why they’re funny but he can’t seem to wrap his head around it. “I just don’t get it. Why is a green frog sipping tea funny? And why does tea mean gossip now?” You laugh a little and try to get him to focus again.

You sigh, putting down your phone for a second. You then started to explain for the 50th time but Bucky still couldn’t grasp the concept. “Maybe it just isn’t funny.” “What? It’s hilarious!” You smirked and shook your head, yelling at the top of your lungs. “Peter!” After a couple of seconds, Peter came running into the living room asking what the matter was. He blinked as he just saw you and Bucky sitting on the couch.

“I have a meme to show you.” Peter’s eyes lit up and he gazed at the phone, reading each line before belting into a hearty laugh. As he kept reading, his hand ended up clutching his stomach and he had to bend over from laughing too hysterically. Bucky just stared, eyes widened.

“miss y/l/n, that’s a really good one.” He would periodically chuckle as he walked out of the room. “See? They’re funny.” Bucky just continued to stare at Peter like he came in blue and had three heads. All he could do was shake his head as you started to laugh at his demeanor.

You then showed it to him again, shoving the phone up to his face again. All he could do was an exasperated sigh, “I still don’t get it!” You patted his leg in comfort, “Why don’t we take a break and eat some ice cream?”

Even at night, you would be of service to him. You’d always sprawl into his bed and soothe and cradle him until his nightmares go away. Bucky would never admit it but you helped him so much. You gave his dreams calmness and comfort, something that he hasn’t felt in a really long time. He felt heavenly around you.

However, He honestly hated that you came. He was a monster. A villain. A killer. An assassin. Why would someone come in to deliberately stop his suffering? He would never say a word the next day, silently hoping that you wouldn’t come. What if one night he wasn’t himself and he hurt you? He couldn’t—and wouldn't—live with himself if he hurt a single hair on your head.

You knew you didn’t have to go into his night and calm him. Steve even warned you the day he came that if she heard screams in the middle of the night, it was Bucky. But you couldn’t just sit there in your room and listen to his heartbreaking screams.

You knew that he could also possibly wake up and not know who he was but you knew he would never hurt you but you honestly didn’t care. His state of mind was more important. Especially since you knew that he wouldn’t hurt you. So, you persisted.

Tonight was no different, Bucky’s screams would enter the air, blaring through the walls like they weren’t even there. So, you lifted up the blankets, silently creaked your door open, and ran across the wall to Bucky’s room. You creaked the door open and almost drooled at the sight of his shirtless body. You cursed at your mind because now, definitely wasn’t the time.

Your eyes soften, a scream comes into the air again and his body flails a bit. He was curled up, sweat was rolling down his forehead and it made his body glisten. His eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was slightly agape. He would occasionally mumble words over and over again. You walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder to let him know you were there.

“Bucky, it’s me. Wake up, buck. You’re here with me. You’re safe. They can’t get you.” Bucky stirred, still mumbling and eyebrows furrowed. You gently took his left metal hand, intertwining your fingers and skin tingling from the cold feeling.

He just smiled at your asleep body, you must’ve been trying to wake him up but fell asleep in the process. His heart melts at the sight in front of him, your flesh fingers intertwined with his metal ones.

“I love you, doll.”

“I love you too.”

#bucky barnes x reader #nightmares #bucky has nightmares #ptsd #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fluff #fluff #bucky x y/n #marvel x reader #bucky x reader #Winter Soldier #winter solider x reader #winter soldier fluff #marvel #marvel fanfiction

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timelordthirteen · 3 years

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I can’t even begin to tell you how HUGE this is. They didn’t just hack US government departments, this is also how the security company FireEye was hacked and their internal hacking tools stolen. A company called Solarwinds that provides server, network, and IT operations monitoring for... nearly everyone (almost all Fortune 500 companies, tons of government departments, tons of hospitals, hosting companies, etc.) had malicious code inserted into their product back in May, which was then pushed out to basically all their customers. This is a product that is installed on every server in a company, and sometimes even every workstations. It monitors all processes, network connections, and services running on the devices its installed on. One of Solarwinds’ customers was FireEye (yes, this is how they were hacked and lost their extremely sensitive internal hacking tools). In terms of general IT Security, this Monday is basically everyone Kermit flailing and running around trying to figure out how compromised we are.

The last time something like the FireEye hack happened, it was the NSA, and that gave the world WannaCry which begat all the ransomware shit that has gone on in the last few years. This is literally the Russian government hacking everyone. This is beyond the normal cyber espionage that goes on. This escalates things to a whole new level and it’s very very scary.

#cybersecurity #technology #fucking russia #welcome to my monday morning #FML #go home 2020 you're drunk #tbh this shit could be considered an act of war #it's that fucking bad

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 5 years

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A real fun part of extreme routine disruption like idk moving to a new state and starting a new job while being an ISTJ is that Si is running around screaming and flailing like a stressed-out Kermit the Frog while Te is just completely fine so like I'm getting a lot of things done but lord knows how

#Fi is also doing well for the most part #Ne is as always eating cheese and caramel popcorn thinking about space #Mbti #Ain't shitposting if it's true

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theheavycrown · 5 years

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It’s @betsforsythetrash‘s birthday today!!!!!! *runs around flailing like Kermit* Amanda is a fav, a treasure, a greatest bean, the most cookie to cookie. I am going to poor a glass of wine to drink and watch 3x13 with her while we chat during live watch!

Everyone be sure to send her some birthday love! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMANDA!!!!!!!!!!

#birthday post #betsforsythetrash

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wilroland · 7 years

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But There Were Moments - TreeBros

Summary: Connor and Evan are assigned to do a project together, Connor is a dick but redeems himself

Evan Hansen shuffled into class as quickly and quietly as he could. He felt his hands start to sweat as the other students filled in the classroom. The one thing Evan appreciated about Mrs.Henry’s AP Environmental Science class is that the desks are separated so that Evan was not required to sit near anyone and doesn’t have to fear someone accidentally touching his sweaty hands. He tried to keep his head down for as long as possible but when the bell rang he heard voices begin to bicker in the hallway.

“Yeah, well fuck you too!” a voice he was pretty certain he recognized call out from behind the door, “Why don’t you say that to my face, Jake.” The harsh voice made Evan tense, fearing for what may occur next.

To Evan’s surprise, the voice he heard outside came closer to the door and eventually forced the wooden door open.

“Ah, Connor, so nice of you to join us after your daily duel with Jake.” The teacher remarked as she pushed herself up from her desk. Connor released a groan and plopped himself down in the only empty seat left, which was also the seat directly behind Evan. “Okay class, today is the day every student dreads, group project time!” Evan’s grip on his pencil tightens; “but, because I’m not completely evil, I’ll let you pick your partners!”

The mood in the room lightened; for everyone except Evan. Being a socially awkward loser meant it was difficult to make friends, Evan has about one friend who was not in this class. Thankfully Evan was very okay with the idea of working alone since he had to do it a lot.

Groups formed around the classroom as the teacher started to run down the guidelines.

“Alright, is everyone in their groups!” Mrs. Henry beamed before her eyes fell upon Evan, “Evan who are you working with?”

Evan began to try and form words but it all came out a stuttering mess before it could become anything too embarrassing a voice piped in.

“Hey Evan, I was thinking for our pro- oh hey Teach,” Connor spoke in a sickly sweet voice, as he pulled a desk as close as possible to Evan’s.

“C-Connor” Evan forced out, “I’m working w-with Connor.”

Mrs. Henry raised her eyebrow but eventually shrugged and walked off, the plastered smile immediately fell from Connor’s face as he pulled out a piece of paper.

“Text me about the project later,” Connor said handing Evan the paper, and just like that the tall boy disappeared, even though they were only twenty minutes into class.

That night Evan found himself sitting on his bed, eyes fixed on his phone and hands sweaty. Connor didn’t have his number so he had to text first, which was something Evan was not familiar with.

Hey

Too calm, he wouldn’t know who Evan was and would ignore him, or maybe he would think Evan was trying to engage a friendship with the intimidating boy, Evan deleted his message.

Hey it’s evan from your AP Environmental Class,

You gave me your number and told me to text you

So here i am hahaha

Too uncomfortable and forced, also wordy, too many words.

After a few more attempts Evan had finally perfected a text;

Hi it’s evan, u gave me ur number

Evan pressed send and tried to calm himself down, but for the next two hours, Evan stared at the blank iMessage app waiting for Connor. It wasn’t only till Evan saw the three animated dots appear at the bottom of the screen that he locked his phone in a panic. He felt his phone buzz in his hand. He took a deep breath and looked down;

Okay

So, do you have any ideas

Almost a second later Connor replied, but not with words. But with a gif of Kermit flailing his limbs, Evan was dumbfounded, how was he supposed to answer that, what did it even mean.

What you don’t meme?

What!? I never said that I just don’t

Know what that means

A few moments pass without an answer

….I was thinking trees

Connor responded with a man Evan did not recognize giving a thumbs up.

This was weird, Evan had never expected Connor to try to be...funny? He always knew him as the school druggie who would probably try to shoot up the school one day. Evan shook his head and began his research.

“So you have to work with Connor?” Jared pushed out between laughs

“I d-don’t see why it’s f-funny?”

“Because he’s a freak!”

“He’s really not, h-he’s k-kinda funny” Evan muttered under his breath.

Jared shrugged before ditching Evan for a bigger group of people.

“Wow, he’s a dick.” Another voice hovered over Evan’s shoulder causing him to jump a little

Connor towered over him giving a weak smile that made Evan feel like he was going to vomit. “Why do you put up with him?” Before Evan could answer Connor was gone, and Evan was standing alone in the hallway, red faced and sweaty hands.

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kindaangelic · 7 years

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Auras - A BatFamily Fic

The first time Damian saw his father, he was overwhelmed by the dark mist comprised of greys and blacks swirling around him. Damian stared in wonder at how such an incredibly wounded man with an aura so dark could possibly stand for righteousness. "We're going home, Damian," Bruce had rumbled, taking his hand. Damian had tripped along in his father's wake, still in awe at the man's formidable aura. "Are you alright?" Bruce asked, looking confusedly at his newly discovered son. Damian shook his head hurriedly - his power was his little secret, something that he kept close to his heart. There was no need for anyone else to know. They wouldn't understand. Freak. Unnatural. Meta. Damian cleared his throat. "No, I'm fine." ---------- Tim glared distrustfully at his newly acquired brother, wary of the assassin baby that he had only recently battled. Damian glared right back, wrinkling his nose at the disgusting shade of puce that splattered Tim's viridian aura. Puce was ugly. By extension, Tim, too, was ugly. That was fine, Damian didn't think much of his not-Brother. "Tim, these documents came in the mail," Bruce said, barging into the room and flinging a pile of reports at his son, cracking through the tension that had built up in the room. "Do something, I don't like them," he said emphatically, gesturing at the pile of bureaucratic bullshit on the table. Tim sighed and took the papers to peruse them, and smiled slightly as Bruce leaned over his shoulder, and placed a hand on his head to steady himself. Damian watched Tim's aura clear into a bright green as Bruce danced concernedly behind him, loudly proclaiming his disgust with anything bureaucratic in nature. Tim just laughed and went on perusing the papers, assuring Bruce that it was nothing bad. A split second of eye contact with Damian had his aura brightening to a brighter shade, of grass in a dewy, morning, field. Damian slipped out of the room as the green grew stronger, and the swirling clouds more animated. It was only later when he looked in the mirror, that Damian noted the color of his own eyes. Not blue, like Father's or Drake's. Not grey, like Pennyworth's. Not brown like Grandfather's. Green. ---------- "Damian, this is Cassandra, my daughter, and your sister," Bruce introduced the young woman. Damian sized up the diminutive girl in front of him, his attention caught by the lilac fog dancing around her head. Damian relaxed a smidgen, the light shade reminding him of calming lavender tea and his pet cat sleeping on his chest. The fog came suddenly closer as Cassandra bent down to eye level, staring at her newly accquired brother. After a long moment, she came to a decision, and pressed a kiss to his still plump cheek, the remnants of his baby fat. Damian spluttered and wiped off bright red lipstick that was now smeared everywhere on his cheek, while Bruce smiled approvingly. "Brother," Cassandra said, pointing at Damian. Then she put her hand over her heart. "Mine." Damian stood stunned as pink tinted his sister's aura, her genuine happiness sneaking past his carefully erected guards. Finally, a worthy sibling. ---------- Whatever Father or Pennyworth told him, Todd was definitely not a sibling worthy of him. Thick, twisting, reds and murky browns alerted Damian to the man's volatility, penchant for violence, and his instability. Damian could not trust the red. Red was violence. Red was blood. Red was war. A war that the Red Hood waged in his own mind and on the streets of Gotham. A war that Jason sometimes lost, to the pain of his family. Words were exchanged, punches were thrown, and Father's heart lay broken in the aftermath, oozing more red. Damian had sufficient reason to not like Red, or Jason Todd, for that matter. Damian had never considered the colour in another light, until one night when Scarecrow squirted a bottle of fear toxin at him. He missed - as if Damian could not dodge such a pathetic attack - but was bowled over as a large figure threw himself at the stringy Scarecrow, ripping of his ragged mask and pummeling him to a pulp. The red was almost overwhelming in its intensity, to the point that Damian almost missed what Todd growled at the villain - "You don't target kids, you sick fuck, not on my watch. And you definitely don't target him!" Damian watched appreciatively as a veritable volcano swirled around Jason, his righteous fury feeding the pulsating aura. Red was violence, red was blood. But red was also passion and protection, and perhaps Damian had been too quick to judge. ---------- Pennyworth was always accompanied by a cloudless summer sky, and was a stablizing presence that anchored the even most volatile of the members of the Wayne household - read, Drake without his coffee. Light blue, sparkling tendrils of vapor followed the old butler wherever he went, blending in and tempering Father's dark aura, and lightening Todd's charged one. It even calmed Damian, who always liked the way life thrived under a clear sky, where crops grew well, people bustled around the town, and children ran outside to play. It usually preceded a clear night sky, where Damian usually thrashed some evildoer or the other. Thrashing things always made him happy. "Master Damian, why are you smiling to yourself?" Alfred asked lightly. "Oh my god, he looks like an evil toad plotting world domination when he's smiling," Todd butt in. "He totally does," Tim agreed, high giving Jason. "Dark Kermit." Alfred cleared his throat pointedly and shooed the elder and supposedly wiser siblings away, before turning back to Damian. "Do not pay them any heed, Master Damian. You just continue to be happy. Heavens knows, we need some joy in this house," he said, as Bruce crashed into the house with more bureaucratic papers for Tim. Damian smiled disarmingly at the butler. "Don't worry, Pennyworth, I'm plenty happy," Damian replied, walking away with his grin stretching the entirety of his face. Alfred watched his young Master leave, chastising himself for seeing Damian's resemblance to the aforementioned frog. ------------ It had been a fairly dull day at Wayne Manor when the door the Batcave was flung open to reveal a harried Bruce and what was possibly the Sun. "Is this him? Is this Damian?" The sun asked, barreling forward. After giving his eyes a minute to adjust, Damian saw a young man kneeling in front of him, with the most beautiful smile on his face. He was smiling at Damian. Because of Damian. And wasn't that something. Damian looked at the man's aura and registered that what he thought was the sun was actually the bright gold radiating off of the man's aura. A gold so clear, and so bright, that it must have been purified by the fires of the sun itself, and it only glowed brighter upon seeing Damian. "I'm Dick, your big brother," the man introduced himself. "And you're my little brother," he said happily. Damian looked at the Greek god before him in wonderment before reaching out to touch the man's aura. His hand passed through the gold, leaving a trail of shimmering stardust in its wake. Dick giggled at Bruce's confusion and repeated the same action to Damian. "I can see your stars, Little D," he sang. Damian jumped in horror as he realized that he had outed himself. Stupid, stupid, idiot boy- "Hey now, stop that," Dick said, tapping Damian's button nose. "That grey doesn't suit you at all." Dick's words caught up to Damian, snapping him out of his self recrimination. "Huh? Wha- you can s-see them too?" Dick burst out laughing. "Of course I can! I actually thought I was the only one! Jason calls it the most useless power on Earth, but I love it. I can actually see beyond words, and faces. And you know what? You can too," he said kindly. "Oh come on, another one!?" Bruce burst out indignantly. Damian scrunched in on himself as Dick glared up at their mentor. "Bruce, stop it! You're scaring Damian, you thick man!" Damian looked on in wonder as the young man slapped Father lightly before continuing to tell him off. "You're getting that weird mucusy yellow all over your aura! It's disgusting!" "It's disbelief!" Bruce flailed. "Why do I have two kids with the same, useless, power? Can't either of you have laser eyes, or super strength, or super healing, or anything that wasn't a completely hippie power!?" Dick rolled his eyes good naturedly and smiled down at Damian. "Don't worry, he gets like this sometimes. He's just frustrated because Jason probably did something again, and now he's venting." "Don't you get me started on him!" Bruce yelled. "He pulled a gun last night! A loaded gun! After all this time, you'd think that he would know better, but nooo-" "See?" Dick said. His expresion softened as he took in Damian's incredulous expression. "Little D, don't worry, no one thinks any less of you for bring different," Dick said reassuringly. "Bruce just cares too much. When I first told him about my powers, he practically dragged me to an optometrist, and then asked me if I was high. He gave me this whole lecture on how drugs were bad before he realized it was normal for me." "He...doesn't mind?" Damian asked haltingly. "Of course not! I mean, his best friend is Superman!" "Ooh, Clark," Bruce seethed, interrupting the meaningful conversation like a bull trundling through the peaceful Serengeti. "He just threw himself in front of that cannon last week when I expressly said that I could handle it! Stupid, overgrown, side of beef!" Dick laughed and bent down to Damian's eye level again. "You're fine, Little D. Perfect, even." Damian stood a little straighter from that day onwards. ---------- "Grayson, what colour is my aura?" "Oh my god, another useless hippie!" Jason exclaimed. Dick swatted him and looked kindly at Damian. "It's a midnight blue, with little sprinkles of pure white. You're like the night," he said fondly. Damian preened. "I am the night." Later that day, Bruce walked into the Batcave to see Damian running around with his Batman mask and cowl. When Bruce asked Damian what he was up to, Damian grinned toothily and answered, "I am the night!" Before running off to terrorize Tim. Bruce watched Damian until he was out of sight, and then muttered lowly to himself, "No, *I* am the night."

#batman #damian wayne #dick grayson #bruce wayne #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #alfred pennyworth #batfamily #richard grayson #dick is a good brother #Jason and Tim are not #they don't even try #fluff #crack #humor

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capitalnineteen · 6 years

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i am just like absolute hellfire levels of anxiety today for some reason.

and *everything* is amping it up. like this ridiculous fandom discourse that i know doesn’t matter. someone told me a hateblog got started for my favorite ship over this newest BS and like i could *feel* the tidal wave of chemicals flooding me yelling ALARM ALARM ALARM

and i looked at it (because i’m just full of good decisions) and actually it’s one post with a valid point

so then i feel WORSE

my coping is kermit the frog levels of running around with my arms flailing above me screaming DISTRACT DISTRACT

or a different image: the junklady in labyrinth just picking up any random bit of trash going ‘oh, what about this bear, wouldn’t want to forget yer bear deary!’ piling up any possible distraction.

and it’s all such meaningless stuff to let affect me and i know it.

#the dumbest part?#i'm actually in a really good mood?#probably not helping the anxiety levels with the stupid amounts of caffeine i'm consuming trying to fight the headache though #but hey at least i'm not falling asleep for once #that's something

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farmasteanimalsanctuary-blog · 6 years

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A superior day on the trail

I sat in the living room of the rented house, sipping coffee and nervously glancing at the sky outside and refreshing the radar map on my phone, where it appeared we were under attack by a crab monster (I was staying near the BFW).

It was the last full day of a “guys trip” to northern Minnesota with my friend Dan before he and his family move out to Seattle. Though we’ve known each other since college - well enough that I was one of the groomsmen in his wedding, and he and his wife were two of the four non-family members at attendance at my wedding - it had been several years since we had spent any amount of time together. In theory Dan was working on a draft of a novel. In theory, I was there to run and drink beer.

Except I had hoped to already be into the “running” portion of the day by 8 am, but with the Crustacean Sensation bearing down on our location, I decided to wait out the initial onslaught of the storm (Dan, who thinks running is terrible, had graciously agreed to drive me to a trail head 17 miles away and was looking forward to some coffee and his manuscript)

And so we waited, continuing the conversation from the past several days - some talk about our respective families, current events, disagreements about the best Jurassic Park movie - as the rain began to pelt the windows, the trees flailing in the wind like the thing outside a used car dealership.

And then it stopped. Go time.

We drove to the trail head and he watched in what I can only describe as bemusement as I tinkered with straps on my backpack, checking the weight distribution of the 100 oz of water, energy gels, and a Vega protein shake. It was 10:16 by the time I finally left the car. We were planning on meeting for dinner (and the beer portion of my day) at 6. I ended up squeezing in 27 miles and stumbling in the front door at 5:33 pm after 7 hours on the trail.

If you’ve never spent time on the Superior Hiking Trail, it is a fascinating place. (Also it’s called the Superior Hiking Trail because of Lake Superior, not because we Minnesotans think that it’s clearly the best trail. Though it is a pretty superior trail). Over the 300 miles of trail - I’ve been on about a third of those miles - the composition of the trail changes dramatically.

There’s sweaty climbs to the top of ridgelines looking down on the waterfall where you were just moments earlier.

Tree roots spread across some sections like tentacles, intent on grabbing your foot and sending you sprawling to the ground. Other sections are dominated by rocks, some lying in wait under a tuft of grass like a mechanical mole in a carnival game. Others there in plain sight, along with approximately 5273752 of their friends, turning each step into an awkward shuffle as your feet find themselves pointed in different directions.

Some sections feature wide open vistas, tiptoeing across plank bridges.

Others a mere suggestion of a trail through knee deep grass as branches claw at your arms and face, requiring you to punch them out of the way like an Olympic slalom skier banging into gates in the quest for the shortest possible distance. All the while trying not to think about the zillions of snakes that are inches from your feet.

Which is why my first mile was 24 minutes (well and I stopped because I had put the water bladder in my backpack in upside down meaning that I was able to get a whole lot of air out of the plastic tube at the top of it, but none of the water down at the bottom).

It didn’t help that…well…I kinda suck at trail running. I’ve never mastered that ability to look 20 feet down the trail (to plan your path) and two feet down the trail (to execute that plan) and so I find myself taking short choppy steps, pulling my feet high into the air like in back in marching band, waving my arms like an excited Kermit the Frog as I’m flying through the air in the hopes of shifting my weight enough that I miss that rock that I didn’t notice before but not going too far left because that’s a tree root that would awkwardly send my momentum towards a 3 inch deep mud puddle.

(This is usually followed by me landing in a bush)

But, friends, for every time on the trail where I tweak my ankle or discover that what looks like solid ground is actually shin deep water, there are moments where things come together.

Though the crab monster had moved on, the weather couldn’t figure out what it wanted to do, and fog clung to the hillside and the air had the wet, heavy feeling that rain was moments away. I slid my water bottle back into my hydration vest as the trail opened up into a forest, silent except for the raging of the wind.

With no one around for miles, I still spoke my first words since starting off “Holy shit.”

For the first time all day, the trail was completely clear. No rocks, no roots, no basketball-sized piles of snakes. Just the remains of last year’s leaves, and who knows how many years ago’s pine needles blanketing the floor. Each step was met with a solid thump, seeming to reverberate out through the ground like the rings that appear when you throw a rock into a pond.

The trail ran for nearly a half mile, gently swooping down the hill in lazy curves, each one seemingly random, yet also perfectly designed. I whooped at one point, startling myself with how loud my voice seemed in the quiet of the soggy morning. At the far end of the wood, I shrugged off my backpack, pulled my Farmaste running shirt off over my head and began to walk back to the start.

Along the way I thought about how lucky I was. To be out here doing this. To have the love and support of my family, like my wife Kelly. To have friends like Dan. To feel so happy, content, connected to nature.

At the top of the hill, I turned and started to run as raindrops fell on my shirtless back. I picked up the pace, consumed by the feeling, wanting to live in the moment.

Primal.

Wild.

Free.

It felt…

It felt like this:

It felt like Moolan running through the fields of Farmaste.

Primal.

Wild.

Free.

Tears began to fall as I ran on, closing my eyes and tilting my head back, my arms stretched out to my sides, palms up as the rain intensified, silence except for my thudding steps.

It was a moment that was beautifully simple.

Magical.

Perfect.

All animals - whether two legged like me, or four legged like Moolan - should have the opportunity to live life like this. Most of you are probably familiar with what life is like for most calves (if you’re not, let’s just say there’s not much playfully running through wide-open fields), and we have a choice to make about how the Moolan’s brothers and sisters will live their (much too short) lives.

I opened my eyes a few seconds later, tearing myself away from the moment of perfection and slowly exhaling as I slowed to a walk. It was a moment - a magical, primal, free, wild, simple, connected, passionate moment - that filled me with a sense of calmness and purpose.

I walked over to my bag, slipped on my shirt, and with a last look at the woods, continued on down the trail.

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