#she can pity him and empathise with him

[circle-around-again]

"[T]he Nautolan said, "You did know that Dalok's an Abyssin, didn't you? That Abyssins have regenerative abilities?" ... "No," he lied. "I didn't know." The Rodians trembled. Maul knew he was going to enjoy his time at Orsis Academy." (Windham, 83-4).

You can see in this excerpt Maul's inheritance so far. He was taught sadism and the pleasure of being feared through example by Sidious. He was taught to lie for his own benefit by Deenine. Up to this point, Maul has been a brutally honest child. By being honest with him, she gave him the gift of dishonesty.

I wonder what gifts Kilindi will give him.

#The Wrath of Darth Maul #chapter 7 #notes & quotes #Maul #Sidious #Kilindi #Deenine #also we must not forget what kilindi is seeing here #her first impression of maul is a complete child sociopath with suspicious - abusive - relations with his blind old master #she can pity him and empathise with him #but she sees this too: he enjoys the violence

[the-cryptographer]

Think I'm going to tie these posts together now and say that, beyond the reasons Fenris just isn't likely to pick up Merrill's schtick about being one of the 'good' blood mages, Merrill and her struggles generally represent an attack on how Fenris has come to understand his identity and how to keep himself safe. Like, Fenris has told himself a story to explain the circumstances of why he feels so alone and betrayed and threatened, for which he is holding Danarius fully responsible. If he, as an elf, hadn't been born without magic, if he'd been educated as a free man, if Danarius hadn't ripped him from his family (and he's adamant he never would never have chosen to leave his family), then he would not be struggling the way he is now. And Merrill is, well... lovely and brilliant and huge fucking mess of anxiety and neurosis and loneliness and self harm and relying on Hawke for protection just as much as Fenris is. (Which is also reflected in the way that Fenris in the precanon short story characterises the Dalish as people who've been given all the boons of freedom, and are wasting it mucking in the mud.) Basically, if Fenris allows himself to empathise with the decisions Merrill makes about her family - if he entertains the idea that he could be literate and a mage and have had a childhood with a very expansive family, and still be blisteringly unhappy with them - then he has to accept the possibility that he is partly responsible for where his life has ended up, which corrodes his ability to be angry with Danarius for this. And of course I talked about how Fenris being angry at Danarius is absolutely vital in order to keep him from taking Danarius back.

I think this is supported by a lot of Fenris's dialogue surrounding the Merrill and Marethari issue. Of which I can most easily point to this horrific little banter:

Basically him saying, "it's repulsive you had someone who cared about you that much (the way I wish I'd had) (ignore that she constantly negged and belittled and gaslit you), and you still couldn't get your shit together."

But in a way I think the real killer for this relationship is that Merrill on some level knows this about Fenris. On some level, she accepts that he needs to hate her. Merrill would absolutely be willing to be friends with Fenris, if he could suck it up and be nice to her, but when he doesn't, she responds with pity. When he goes off about how mages all deserve to be locked up, she goes 'Well, you're wrong and your opinions suck and here's why, but I wouldn't expect someone in your situation to know any better.' Which I think in a way is way more terribly uncomfortable for him than dealing with Anders. Like, Fenris can safely hate Anders, and Anders will safely return the favour and hate him back. But with Merrill he's stuck in this more low broil seething anger that he can never fully voice or act out without being made to lose face. Which is also delicious.

#also they should kiss naturally #Fenris #Merrill #Merrill Sabrae #ferrill #this post is kinda my spiritual sequel to all the discourse about why Anders and Fenris can't just get along #Merrill and Fenris also cannot just get along #lork dragon age opinions #dragon age

[mirageofadesert]

Till The End Of The Moon and the issue of audience identification

Who do you think is the main character in TTEOTM? Who do you like the most? Who do you identify with?

One of the things I loved the about this show is its approach to story telling. TTEOTM centers on two main characters with unique perspectives, who's goals are at odds with each other. This pattern is continued with the other characters as well, each of them having a perspective based on their experience and limited knowledge of the overarching story-line.

Reading some comments (mostly on reddit), this approach to story-telling seems to have gotten mixed responses. Among the fair criticism, however, are some comments that at times made me doubt, that we even watched the same show. And while a lot of it could be explained by difference in cultural background, age and media literacy, I think there is a potential problem in whom the audience identifies with, and what they consequently project onto the character.

Who is the main character?

The Main Character is the character with whom the readers most identify and around whom the passion of the story seems to revolve. In theory TTEOTM has two main character, however, these two are not equally fleshed out in the course of the show.

While we first get introduced to Devil God 2.0, it's Li Susu through who's eyes we experience the world. She is the main character for the first part, meanwhile Tantai Jin gets introduced later, but he quickly takes up more and more space. Most of the plot, action and emotional moments are soon linked to his character. The show succeeds in making us pity Tantai Jin and root for him - even through Li Susu is still the heroine of the story.

After Ye Xiwu's death, the story switches and from this point own, we get to know a new world, the sects of Buzhao Mountain, through Tantai Jin's eyes. Both emotional scenes and plot are still mostly linked to his character. Li Susu becomes more and more quiet - and I think some of it is due to the editing. In the last few episodes there are a couple of scenes of the camera just silently circling her. Going by the pattern of cinematography establish so far, these scenes probably had Li Susu's internal dialogue, which was later cut; same as some central moments of personal growth for her character (e.g. most of the demon arc in the Jing capital).

Who does the audience relate to?

Another common criticism is that Li Susu's action "don't make sense" or that she isn't well written. I have already dedicated a long post to this topic (and why I disagree). I believe, the main problem is that parts of the audience can't relate to her.

Some of it might come down to our media consumption habits and even expectations when it comes to Chinese dramas. In my personal experience and following the discourse on different platforms, some c-drama viewers seem to struggle with self-inserting into Li Susu. She doesn't have your usual relatable c-drama problems: parents, marriage, self-esteem, controlling family, social status, popularity etc. Instead, her problems are of the world saving kind. While there are relatable subplots later on (e.g. conflict between siblings, struggling with falling for the "bad boy"), it makes sense that not everyone will feel the same way about her.

Tantai Jin on the other hand is portrayed quite relatable. In an attempt to humanize him, the audience does not only empathise with his situation, his struggles evoke the majority of emotions. While none of us can relate to the pressure of potentially becoming an evil God, motives like marginalization, being ostracized and bullied, abandoned by a parent, fearing both commitment and loss, experiencing a more or less one-sided love or one's life being controlled by forces outside one's control, are human problems and therefore relatable to a broader audience.

I do relate to both differently, and it has elevated my experience of the show. However, Li Susu's character deserves a more flashed out character development, which might have made her accessible to more people.

The be him and to be with him

Like probably many of you, I tend to relate more often to male characters than females. A reason for this is, that female characters in media are often not written well or portrayed from the male gaze. You don't identify with the eye candy, you relate to the hero. Fortunately, Li Susu is not written from the male gaze!

From the glimpses I have seen of the international fandom, fans want to be Tantai Jin (because they identify with him), but they also want to be with him (duh). This is - to no small extent - because of Luo Yunxi's acting skills and popularity. Tantai Jin is not only most people's favorite character, he is "poor little meow mew", "babygirl" and a badass anti-hero. He is both romanticized in his relationship with Li Susu and sexualized on his own.

Identification can - and this is by no means a problem - lead to female-coding male characters in head-canon. Seeing them as a desirable character at the same time, however, can bring a different dynamic to the sexualization. Please, don't understand me wrong - I'm not saying this is something I'm criticizing, nor are these the only factors are at play in this.

I think, it's rather interesting to see the different reaction to male and female leads, and how e.g. cultural bias and gender socialization plays a role here.

With this in mind, the criticism of the characters in TTEOTM becomes understandable - not agreeable, but I'm beginning to understand why people have come to these conclusions. To say that Li Susu is heartless and unfaithful, that honest communication from the beginning would have solved all problems, or that Tantai Jin's sacrifice is a blasphemous appropriation of Jesus' death on the cross (not kidding), always tell more about the person making the interpretation, than about the medium itself.

Thank you for bearing with my rambling on why Tantai Jin is the best boy, and why I think Li Susu deserves better!

#till the end of the moon #tantai jin #ye xiwu #cdrama #tteotm #cdrama meta

[sugutoad]

Matchup Trade for the amazing @fourtyfourcatss

↳ Thank you for doing Matchups at Sugutoad

↳ "Behold, a boy named after a star, and a girl whose heart finds solace in the cosmic wonders above, destined to intertwine in a celestial dance of love."

⍣ ೋ A part of me doesn’t know how to quite explain how I came up with this… it just felt right. The pairing had keys that could support one another yet call out mistakes. Your composed demeanour and thoughtful nature possesses a chance to balance Sirius's passionate and sometimes impulsive personality. The both of you are extremely passionate people and will often be found together and talking about a few of your interests that overlap one another’s. Together, you and Sirius have the potential to learn from each other's unique strengths and provide unwavering support in areas where the other may encounter difficulties. Both you and Sirius have ambitions and a drive for self-improvement. You can inspire and motivate each other to reach their goals, pushing each other to grow and achieve their full potential. Sirius, renowned for his quick wit  and playful nature, can match your sense of humour. A lighthearted environment is often created during interactions between the two of you. Harmless little banters, he is one of the many people who find you funny. While initially misjudging you as a stern and rigid individual due to the house you originated from, Sirius soon discovered the enigmatic nature that captivated his curiosity. He had to solve the little mysteries surrounding your life. Teasing and causing mischief, he secretly hoped to impress you, fully aware that Hogwarts' sweetheart, despite holding a kind and intelligent soul, was never impressed by his antics. I wholly believe that after he was framed for ‘killing’ the Potters, you prevented him from going to Azkaban. You did mention your logic and persuasion is amazing. I assume he had met you in a similar manner to any other people that he considers his friend - at the great wizard in school known as Hogwarts. 

⍣ ೋ Families crowded the area, Quasar Xing found herself bumping into a few strangers. A crowd of people can be observed and a person can never know whether the regular family squawking about being late is a wizard one or not. Quasar pushes her cart, her owl screeching at other people repeatedly which certainly earned her a few glares, until she came to a stop in front of a thick pillar between the platforms nine and ten. The way to get to her station was still funny to her, despite being in her second year at Hogwarts. Quasar had grown up in China until she was 7 when her father, who was half-blood while her mother was a muggle born witch, decided to move to England. She still remembers the day when her mother had scolded her for jumping up and down when she had received her letter. Her older siblings ran through the pillar and her parents took her younger siblings. Gripping her cart tight, she takes a breath and runs through the wall. It’s a funny feeling when someone enters the pillar. A certain thing was it was a magical feeling, like something is there yet nothing is felt. It's nearing eleven o'clock and the platform is filled with parents bidding their children goodbye with handkerchiefs clutched in their palms. Quasar made her way to the train, feeling excitement and anticipation at the prospect of returning to Hogwarts. Every single memory she created in the castle’s walls remained intact inside Quasar’s mind, in a small vault at the back of her head. Sirius Black was already there, leaning against a nearby wall and eyeing her with a faint, amused smile. Quasar had heard of him, both his antics and his legendary status at Hogwarts. It seemed as if his family hadn’t come to bid their farewells to him, he was an outcast — a disgrace chosen into the house that valued bravery over ambition. Though she felt pity for him, she couldn’t really empathise with the boy. They grew up in opposite environments. She gives him a small smile before looking away. Sirius had to look away and blink a few times to prevent himself from being blinded at her smile. It reminded him of the stars. Soon she could hear his chatter with his best friend, James Potter. The duo could have a whole novel dedicated to the mischief they had caused solely in their first year. She didn’t realise how nervous she truly felt until her parents pulled her into a hug before letting her go. Getting on the red Hogwarts Express, her older siblings have separated from her and gone to their own friends. She soon found herself sneaking into the Gryffindor Compartment of the Express, wholly knowing that 

⍣ ೋ Quasar soon found herself sneaking into the Gryffindor Compartment of the Express, wholly knowing that she isn’t allowed and should be seen only in her own compartment but truly no one would mind if she went have a quick visit to Lily Evans, the red haired muggle born that Quasar befriended on her first day and maintained a steady friendship with despite being in different houses, right? Jogging her way in the hallway, she could sense the eyes of kids bearing the Gryfindor symbol staring at the Ravenclaw girl in the midst of them but who were they to judge her. Sliding open the door, she plopped down next to Lily after exchanging a quick greeting. Passionately talking about different books the two girls had read over the summer and greedily consuming the chocolate they had gotten their hands one from the cart leaving their fingers all dirty (which disgusted Quasar but she didn’t say anything as she didn’t wish to kill the mood) the door slides opens once again. A mischievous grin stared back at the two girls alongside twinkling hazel eyes belonging to none other than James. James Potter has had a crush on Lily since their first year but Lily was disgusted by his behaviour. Quasar often found herself being chased down the stairs by the red head after teasing her about James, they were cute and Quasar being the individual she was decided it would be fun to poke Lily around. Behind them with an equal mischief in his eyes stood Sirius Black. She never really spoke much to him other than sharing eye contact. She would always look away first. He had certainly grown taller too.  After a quick conversation, which consisted mainly of Lily telling him to get out and James shamelessly flirting with her, the duo left. Before leaving Sirius looked back and waved with a smirk plastered on his face. “See you at Hogwarts Evan and Xing. Also, you should go back to your compartment, Quasar. Don’t want to get in trouble would you?” He snickered and ran to catch up with James pace. Quasar's face started to heat up until its colour mirrored Lily’s hair. Who was he to talk about getting in trouble?

⍣ ೋ  “Can I sit here?” Qausar asked. Her face flushed in embarrassment, it had taken all her humility to ask Sirius that question. He looked up at her, raising one eyebrow, and smirked. For Salazar’s sake, that bastard smirked at her. “Hm,” pausing purposely for a second. “Are you sure? Thought I was too annoying and handsome for you.” She huffed at her, her nostrils flaring but let in a deep breath to calm herself down.  Shouting at him with so many around certainly wasn't a logical idea, especially in Transfiguration Class. It was Quasar’s favourite class and the one she topped every student during exams. She was the brightest witch of the age and getting in a fight with the black swan of the esteemed Black family would certainly impact her - alongside her family's- reputation.  He chuckled at the black haired girl, patting the chair beside him. “Joking! You can sit.” Why did every other seat have to be occupied by another student? Little did she know that fates were playing a little game with her, a game of love. For the fates had funny ways of doing as they pleased. Professor McGonnagal continued her lesson, Quasar closed her eyes for a few seconds. She already knew the lesson, she always did. The girl was sleeping over her parchment, folded arms supporting her head. It seemed like she had already finished her assignment. “Wake up, Xing.” Sirius’s voice had quickly woke her up, rubbing her eye vigorously and she realised something. God, she fell asleep in class! “You fell asleep.” “No shit, Sherlock.” She murmured groggily. “ The name is Sirius, bookworm” "And I’m Quasar. Not ‘bookworm’.” “ Did I ask?” He chuckled, his face rested in the palm of his hand. Quasar sighed deeply, she was starting to hate this. He got up from his seat to leave a room, not without winking at her first. With that, the witch finally had her first encounter with the famed Sirius Black. Of course, she was curious about him back when they were first years. Always getting in trouble and increasing his fame throughout the school, she heard of him way too many times. After her encounter with Sirius, he seemingly started to show up everywhere she went. During her walks near the castle or while studying in the library, he was there. She was really starting to get irked by the so-called fates, who were most likely cackling at the future lovers.

⍣ ೋ It certainly didn't help when Lily fell head over heels for none other than James Potter, the boy she claimed to hate his entire existence. How does one go from loathing someone to falling in love with them? It truly baffled even Quasar and she knew everything from how to cast a patronus to knowing the function of a rubber duck. And with James and Lily dating, being their best friends, Quasar found herself hanging out with Sirius a lot. Doing each other’s hair in low buns, going on walks together in the forbidden forest ( courtesy of Sirius’s brilliant mind) or him picking up a stack on books from the Black Family library that no one has ever ever gotten their hands on resulted in Lily often nudging her best friend often Quasar to which in reply she would roll her eyes and say something witty. But she was not to fool herself, she was falling into a pit that she couldn’t climb out of. Sirius ignites so many, too many, emotions inside her that she thought was impossible. He manages to make her feel everything all at once with one look at him. And when he would smile — oh god, her heart would pound so fast that Lily could certainly hear it while standing beside her. Those twinkling eyes and heartful laugh she once hated is something she would die a thousand times for just to see it again. 

⍣ ೋ December was just coming to an end, January peaking at the corner. Quasar and Sirius found themselves chatting (in other words, teasing one another) about Animagus Forms. Recently discovering his strange ability, she dedicated a portion of her time to research more on how it worked. They only had 2 years left, 2 years before they said goodbye to Hogwarts. “What do you think I would be, Sirius?” She asked him, hiding her face into her scarf to make sure her nose doesn’t fall off. “A cat. A cat for sure.” He didn’t even hesitate. He glanced down at her from the side, a small smile at the corner of his lips. The two decided to take a small break and sit down on one of the ledges, far away from Hogwarts yet they could still see the castle tremendous in size. “Was that an insult?” Quasar said, adding to their conversation. “Am I lazy?” He chuckled softly at her, he was always so soft with her. “Nah. I like cats. That’s why.” His cheeks were red, she didn't know whether he was blushing or just cold. She blinked at him a few times, she wasn’t a dense individual at all. But for once she was startled. “Thought you would be a dog person. But how does that connect to me?” She says hesitantly in a soft voice, please let it be the answer she had hoped for. His hand cupped her cheek in the like she was the most fragile thing to ever exist on the planet. His thumb started caressing the apple of her cheek. “Y’know why. You're not dumb. Not at all.” Quasar never knew her heart could beat this fast. Not until their lips meet. It’s soft and unyielding When they pull away, all they can see is each other. Well except at the corner of the eye a red head squeezing a black hair boy while shrieking that her best friend is now with someone. Sirius on the other hand doesn’t look at them all, his eyes fixated on the beautiful girl in front of him. Her brown eyes staring at Lily in confusion, her lips parted slightly open and hair strands falling to her face and her lips, the lips he had just touched. For she truly was a divine gift from the Gods, who governed the wizard in word through the stars, given to him and it took him just too long to accept and open its ribbon. If only he had opened the silk ribbon from before, to touch the divinity of her lips and hear the giggles between every kiss.

Runner Up: Cedric Diggory 

↳ #PROFILE: QUASAR XING. HALF BLOOD. Though her mother being a muggle born and her father being a halfblood, the Xing family line certainly dives deeper in the development of magic. Her great - grandfather had a gift, one that he had not passed on to his son and grandson but rather his great- granddaughter. Quasar Xing had discovered that she could do magic with her fingertips, a gift from her father’s side but yet even he was bewildered by this discovery.

⍣ ೋ The debate in my head between giving you Ravenclaw or Slytherin had certainly been wild but at the end of my inner battle, Ravenclaw took the victory. And it certainly fits you the best. You're a passionate individual who seems to always have an opinion on something. To you, magic is a gift that must be learned to its full extent. People often think Ravenclaw is just about brains and stuck up people. But you hold the bronze and blue on your robe with pride. Your love of books certainly helped even more! Always sitting in the library as Sirius tries to get your attention. Whining how you should focus on your lover more than your books and here you were, thinking that you were the whiny one of the duo. You are a dreamer. The sorting hat had trouble with you. Your ambition and pride could fit in Slytherin but you were so much more than that. You are a person who wishes to know the secrets of life, everything taken too seriously by you (Sirius could certainly losen few strings.) With quills and books, you seek truths untold, your mind, like stars, shine bright, never to fold.

↳ Patronus. “People who have this patronus are willing to take chances in order to learn and appease their curiosity, highly observant, constantly looking to mentally challenge themselves, and a loving person”

⍣ ೋ Honestly the truth is, similar to yours, I don’t really have much of an explanation to this. While searching for different sorts of Patronus, this one made me halt and choose it. But this is a rather great analysis and the reason why I had given you this house: this

↳ What do you think of Quasar Xing?

⍣ ೋ LILY EVANS: “My best friend. She is amazing.” Quasar and Lily had first ever crossed paths upon arriving on the train, their first day to be precise. Lily had been abandoned by Snape, who had decided to hang out with the older kids such as Lucius Malfoy, and sat alone in the cart. Quasar was nervously walking down the hall in an attempt to find an empty compartment . Lily had gone to use the bathroom so Quasar had assumed the cart was empty. Upon arriving at her compartment, she found a dark haired girl sitting nervously on the leather seats. Lily slid in her seat and looked at the girl, she was really pretty. “I’m Lily Evans.” And from that day the two girls had been inseparable. Sneaking into each other's carts or houses to talk about anything, sending owls over the summer ( Quasar had bought her one as a gift) and telling each other secrets then proceeding to tease the other about it. The two girls are the bestest of friends.

⍣ ೋ JAMES POTTER: “ She is interesting to say the least… Sirius is always talking about her.” James has heard all about the girl who managed to wrap Sirius Black around her fingers. He had first seen her on their first day when she was getting sorts in her house but paid no attention to her. But when he started to like Lily, he tried to befriend Quasar. Quasar Xing was Lily’s best friend and in order to date a girl, you need permission from her best friend. At first Quasar didn’t like him, Lily didn’t like so Qusar shared the same opinions. Girls always stick together. But overtime, Quasar became his friend and she taught him how to cast a Patronus. And when Harry was born, she was appointed his godmother. Well after Quasar and Sirius promised the Potter family that the godparent of their first child would be them.

⍣ ೋ REMUS LUPIN: “Talented! One of the few people other than my close friends to accept me despite knowing the whole … you know.”  Remus was the most tolerable of the Marauders when Quasar first met them in her second year. Often shy and secluded, she couldn’t help but wonder how he ended up in a batch with idiots like James and Sirius. Quasar and Remus were often found looking at James and Sirius. They may have had not much in common but both agreed that those two were idiots. 

⍣ ೋ REGULUS BLACK: “I honestly couldn’t care about her.” Regulus did in fact care to some extent. Ever since dating the Xing girl, Sirius had been more happy and put more focus on his study since his Ravenclaw girlfriend was disappointed in his grades at that time. 

⍣ ೋ HARRY POTTER: “She is my godmother but she is also like a mother to me. She is a professor at Hogwarts and despite not ever joining her class, she seemed to favour me for a while. But when I discovered the whole Sirius situation, it made more sense. Really nice and patient with me, like a mother would. But she also nags me about my lack of studying. Like a mother would.”

⍣ ೋ HERMIONE GRANGER: “She used to be the brightest witch of her time! When I grow up.. I hope I can be just like Mrs. Black! Her magic is brilliant, how exactly can a person do magic without using a wand? I understand if you have lots of practice like Headmaster but she has been doing that since she was a child. If only I can learn how to do it…”

#Harry Potter #harry potter fandom #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter matchups #: KHUN’S PRINCESS [ 🌟 ] #sirius black #i hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

[sprnklersplashes]

two worlds make a universe (ao3)

Jesper hadn't fully understood what Ohval said until now; when a group of Barrel rats try to break into his home, while Wylan sleeps peacefully in their bed. In Shu Han, she had been protecting her universe. Now, decades later, Jesper is doing the same.

Waking up happens quickly. Just one ring beside him has Jesper bursting into consciousness, nervous sweat trickling down his back and his nerves sparking like livewires through his body. His head is a scramble of half-baked thoughts, still momentarily caught between sleep and reality. But then the bell rings a second time and his head clears. 

It’s the sound he never wanted to hear, and the one he’s prepared himself for a million times over.

“Jesper?” Beside him, Wylan blinks heavily and raises his head. His voice is softer than Jesper’s would be, worn out and weighted with sleep. Slowly, he lifts his head from the pillow and attempts to hold himself upright 

Jesper has prepared for this too. He gives him his best approximation of a comforting smile and uses one hand to stroke his cheek. The other pulls a gun from beneath the mattress.

“Go back to sleep, love,” he whispers. “Everything’s okay. Just go back to sleep.” He repeats himself once, twice more, his hand stroking Wylan’s papery cheek. His eyes drop closed and Jesper waits for his breathing to deepen before getting out of bed. More than anything, he wants to press a parting kiss to his temple or run his fingers through his hair.

But that would cost him precious seconds, and time is one of the many advantages on his side.

He creeps steadily down the hall, so agile and silent that the Wraith herself would be proud. The tinkling of bells draws him further into the house and down the stairs; he silences each one as he passes. It was a system Wylan designed years ago; a series of long, thin wires attached to various bells around the house. The bells used to be louder, larger, made of brass and copper instead of silver. They might have been more useful that way. But at some point, Wylan got older and began sleeping longer. So Jesper switched out the bells and got used to listening harder instead. 

(How his father would have loved to see that, he thinks).

The ringing ceases when he places his hand over the fifth bell on the first floor. The silence echoes back at him, startling now that he has nothing to listen for. The smallest of sounds sharpen; the clock at the end ticks the seconds away in time with his heart. He stands there, his blood buzzing, his ears straining, and then he hears it. The main window overlooking the courtyards; something metal scraping against the stone and two, three muffled voices. They’re loud, cocky. They don’t know he’s there. They think they’re untouchable.

(The glass was their project; his and Wylan’s. Dark and obscured from the outside, clear on the inside).

He wedges himself against the corner and watches out the window. In the light of the garden lamps, he sees the grappling hook dug into the windowsill. When he cranes his neck, he sees the thick rope attached to it, pulled taunt as its owners start their climb. It’s catching on the roes they planted along the window box.

A surge of anger runs through him, smoking like a freshly fired bullet. He won’t be self-pitying or pretend they’ve lived in peace and never harmed anyone. His ledger runs longer and is stained with more red than he wants to admit. And, much as he loves him, so is Wylan’s. There may well be justice to be dealt for them. But these kids are not agents of justice. They're like he was; Barrel rats with big scores to settle, searching for the nearest thrill as if it will fix them.

He can relate. He empathises with them. Unfortunately for them though, they came to his house looking for their thrills. His empathy only goes so far.

He fires two shots. The screams shoot up like fireworks, erupting above his head. The hook shifts, and on the second shot, the wire snaps. They scream again, louder this time, fuelled by shock and the feeling of nothingness beneath their hands. Their groans are weak when they hit the ground, and Jesper isn’t sure whether to roll his eyes, offer help, or just since. Good thing they aimed for the first floor and nothing higher; otherwise he’d have to consider calling for a medik.

“That was a warning shot,” he calls from the window. “Get off my property or the next one won’t be.”

He holds his nerve, lingering in the shadows of his house. His finger wants to tighten on the trigger, but he forces himself to be still. Patience may have been the Barrel’s toughest lesson, but it’s a worthy one. It pays off when he sees a gang of four kids legging it to the west gate and scaling the wall. He’s glad to see the back of them, although he’s also a little insulted. The west entrance is by far the easiest one to break into, and the easiest to get caught at. It feels like they didn’t even try. 

At least, back in his day, they put effort into breaking and entering. 

He huffs, the muzzle of his gun pointed at the open window. The kids scramble up the wall. It’s likely their only grappling hook is still wedged in his window box. Impatience strikes like a match inside his chest because it’s late and he wants to be in bed and they’re taking too fucking long. He toys with his revolver as he watches them begin to disappear and pictures himself sending another warning shot their way.

He may have done it too, were it not for the hand wrapping around his bicep.

“Jes?” His voice floats softly through the dark, a stray lantern floating through the night sky in his mind. “Jesper, is everything all right?”

And that’s when it shatters. The focus, the anger, it all breaks like brittle glass. He lets his shoulders sag, lets himself exhale, and lets his touch be gentle as his hand covers his.

He turns and puts his gun down.

“You should be in bed, love.”

“So should you.” Wylan’s eyes are steely as they move to the window, worry creasing his wrinkled face. “Did something happen?”

He cups his face too quickly and turns him away from the glass.

“No, nothing’s happened.” He slides his gun into his waistband and hides it with his jacket. Then, he offers Wylan his arm. “Come, darling, let’s get to bed.” 

Wylan frowns and sends another, sceptical glance at the window. He isn’t convinced, and there’s an argument held in his blue eyes. But it’s late. His shoulders dip, and he takes his arm.

The trip up the stairs is slow. Once upon a time, they traipsed up and down them with ease, giggles flooding the hall. Sometimes hand in hand, sometimes pulling at each other’s clothes. The stairs seemed to move for them beneath their feet, and neither of them gave it another thought. Jesper still can’t remember when precisely that stopped. It was more of a slow process, laboured breathing one day, a twinge in his knee the next. Until Jesper found himself one day at the top of the stairs, waiting for Wylan to catch up with him.

Wylan refuses to have a railing installed. Or to move their bedroom to the first floor. He faces the stairs the same way he faces the Ice Court; unflinching, unafraid, unwilling to back down. It made Jesper fall in love a little more.

The bedroom door is still open Wylan didn’t bother closing it before he followed him. Jesper clicks it shut behind them before helping him out of his dressing gown. He makes sure to dust it off before he hangs it up; the dust clings to velvet so easily. Then he rushes over to Wylan’s side as he eases down on the bed, a sharp exhale escaping him as he does so.

Wylan had scoffed at Jesper’s fussing once. Rolled his eyes and told him “I know I’m not young any more, but I’m not that old yet.”

Jesper doesn’t know if Wylan is “that old” yet. What he does know is that he took a nasty fall a few months ago and that the arm has only just come out of the sling. He knows that a new kind of worry has taken over since then; one that steals his sleep and works its way into his dreams. 

“Did you get them?” he asks as he toes off his slippers. Jesper freezes. He blinks and notices that he’s wandered over to the window. His hand is on the lock, solid and secure beneath his fingers. His heart slows, just a little.

He pulls away and sits on the bed beside him.

“There was no one to get, dearest,” he says gently. He reaches up and runs a hand through Wylan’s hair. It’s thin and combed back now, the beautiful ruddy gold now faded to grey. Not by a Tailor, but by time.

Wylan frowns, his eyes clouded by sleep.

“I could’ve helped,” is all he says. Jesper forces himself to breathe, to keep his hands steady as he pulls the covers around him.

Truth is, Wylan could have helped. The years might have made him move a little slower, and made his bones more breakable, but he’s still Wylan Van Eck. The boy who broke into the Ice Court, who outsmarted the Merchant Council. He tinkers in his workshop more than Jesper is comfortable with, telling him about his newest inventions as they drink tea in the sunroom. One of his creations could have sent those skivs scurrying back to the Barrel with their clothes singed. 

But it isn’t about whether Wylan could have helped. It’s about how he knows, and they know, that Wylan might not have long left. And damn it, he deserves to spend these last years in comfort. After so much of his childhood was taken from him, his last years should be peaceful, safe, happy. Peace isn’t something a person earns, but if it was, Wylan is owed decades of it.

“I know, love.” He presses a kiss to Wylan’s temple and hears forgiveness in the way Wylan hums. 

He settles himself in bed beside him and as he does, a calloused hand wraps around his. He hadn’t realised how cold he was until then. Carefully, he lowers himself against the pillows. They rest their joint hands between them, and then Wylan smiles. Almost everything about him has changed, but that smile has remained the same. Like hot cider on the coldest autumn day, the first sunny evening of spring. His Wylan. His maddening, perfect merchling.

Jesper runs his finger down Wylan’s cheek and whispers “I love you” into the air. 

He waits for Wylan’s breathing to even out before he lets the tears come. Wylan’s grip loosens as he sleeps, but Jesper’s remains tight.

He won’t sleep tonight. Instead, he’ll wait with a twitching trigger finger, listening for a signal that their home has once again been breached. Tomorrow, he’ll make a show of waking up beside Wylan. Perhaps they’ll go for a walk along the canal and Jesper will press his face to his shoulder. He’ll breathe in the scent of paint and ink and gunpowder. And tomorrow night, he’ll lie awake once more, thinking about that moment by the canal, and have his gun waiting beneath the mattress.

This peace is theirs. They fought for it on the streets of Ketterdam, in the Slat, at the Ice Court. They fought against Pekka Rollins and Jan Van Eck and they fought for it every day after. It’s hard-won and built from ashes and rubble and if he must fight the world to protect it, he will. Guns blazing, knives drawn, his fists bloody. 

What’s one measly world, compared to the universe of a man he married?

#wesper #wesper fanfic #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #shadow and bone #six of crows #six of crows fanfic #six of crows fic

[ithebookhoarder]

Hm… how about some headcanons where Neutral!Reader introduces the PT crew to their Mexican culture?

Representation is really important! 👈

SW: The Prequel Trilogy being introduced to Reader's Mexican culture

A/N: thanks @baddestbitchofthedecade for sending this. As an English person I just want to say I’ve done research for this, but I am obvs not Mexican nor do I claim to know all about the country’s amazing culture. If I’ve got something wrong etc please please let me know as I’m really happy to amend/remove/include things. I’d hate to upset anyone as I want my blog to be a place for everyone ❤️ 

Masterlist:

---- 🇲🇽 ----

So, it depends how you wish to imagine the circumstances for this one but as Yavin-4 is based on Guatemala, and Oscar Isaac has said he tried to incorporate elements of his culture in Poe’s background, it’s safe to say you could imagine Mexico as a planet - if you wish for this to be in universe. 

If not, you can also imagine this as the characters coming to / learning about Mexico as it is on Earth. 

Ok. First off, as someone who has enjoyed a lot of Mexican food cooked by Mexican friends at university, I feel like Anakin would be the kind of person to try and eat anything you put in front of him. Anything - even if his poor tastebuds are only used to blander tastes that come with the rations packs given to Jedi. 

He’d pretend he’s fine, even if his eyes and nose are streaming within two minutes and he looks like he’s going to pass out. 

It doesn’t matter that you say it’s alright if he wants some milk etc. It’s not for everyone. He’d simply scowl at you and stubbornly shovel more in his mouth, whimpering he’s fine and that it takes more than some heat to stop him… (you pity his poor mouth) 

He is also the most understanding when you talk about having a strong connection with your family, and the role family plays in your culture.

He empathises that you struggle to be away from them. He misses his mother like mad and can only imagine what it must be like to have so many family members to love and support you… if he’d had it before his life as a Jedi then he’d probably feel pretty lonely without them. 

Also - side note. I can see him and Obi rocking a Sarape

Given Padmé’s abilities as a Senator and diplomat, you’d best believe she’s done her research in advance. Heck, she’d already probably know some Spanish and is quick to try and practise with you to learn more. 

She also stuns you by knowing several indigenous dialects too, even if it’s only a few words that she picked up the night before when studying. 

She also is willing to hear all about your experiences, and makes silent notes for the future so as to be able to include them in your life. 

Favourite foods? She has them served whenever you come to visit. 

Special dates? She has them marked on a calendar. 

Key historical events? She absorbs the information like a sponge and is keen to find more texts about them for herself. 

Now, Obi-wan would be similar in that he is a great researcher and diplomat too. He’d also do his research in the archives in an attempt to inform himself and is incredibly open and receptive to you sharing your culture with him. 

He appreciates your sense of humour - something you tell him you got from your abuela, as it tends to be similar to his. It’s sharply satirical, and often dark, full of clever double entendres. 

If you are religious then he’d happily attend services and mass with you.

Prayer is like meditating and he knows the value of having something bigger than yourself to believe in. He knows how it gives you strength, comfort, and a sense of belonging. 

He, Padmé and Anakin would also be keen to honour the traditions associated with holidays and festivals.

I feel they'd have a particular connection to the Day of the Dead. They all have their own reasons for wishing to honour those who have passed, and are keen to build their own ofrendas, whether it be at the Jedi temple or at a cemetery.

They’d also enjoy joining in with other celebrations as they love a party and a parade. 

They don’t, however, enjoy having many of the songs stuck in their heads the day after. 

#ithebookhoarder #masterlist #thesilentmage #star wars #obi wan kenobi #obi wan x reader #star wars x reader #obi-wan kenobi #obi wan #anakin skywalker x you #anakin x you #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker #padme x reader #padme amidala #padme x you #obiwan kenobi x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader

[mozillavulpix]

I think one of my favourite story arcs in FGO so far has been Lostbelt 2, and I think that’s also because of how...female-centric it is.

I might be a bit biased, because I heard that Lostbelt 2 was written by the same person who wrote Shimousa (which I really enjoyed) and also they’re like the only woman in the FGO writing team. But if that’s really the case, I would believe it. Lostbelt 2 is just *about* women in a way the other story arcs don’t get close to.

It’s a world of snow, filled with ice queens.

There’s Ophelia as the lieutenant desperate to prove herself: emotionally-stunted, possessed with power that has made her constantly used by others, but also filled with regret for being unable to get close to Mash. Now she sees a Mash with new life and an actual determination, and she’s in awe of how much she had grown in her absence.

There’s the queen of the Lostbelt itself, Scathach-Skadi: elusive and morally-ambiguous, but also deeply broken - being left alone as the sole survivor of the gods in a world where Ragnarok killed them all, and being determined to keep humanity alive no matter the pitiful state they’re in. She doesn’t know why she survived, why Odin abandoned her, but she’s going to keep her world running and Surtr imprisoned as long as she can - it’s the only thing left she can do.

There’s Koyanskaya dropping in as the Femme Fatale to taunt and tempt Ophelia for her own purposes while trying to empathise with her as ‘girl to girl talk’.

There’s Skadi’s all-female group of agents Odin left her, the Valkyries, learning what emotions are and whether or not they ruin them as ideal warriors.

And there’s also Brynhildr as the imprisoned soldier awakened for a single purpose - to go against her beloved, to meet him again and to kill him.

oh, and Sitonai is there too

Altogether it feels very...feminist. Even if in a way their stories are mostly about them being dependent on men - Kirschtaria and Surtr with Ophelia, Odin with Skadi, Sigurd with Brynhildr. And Napoleon taking it upon himself to be Ophelia’s ‘savior’.

But it’s sort of like, the theme of the story arc is about how these relationships these women have with these men constrain them, bind them, curse them to suffering. And maybe perhaps the way they’ve all gone, it’s impossible to break them free from those constraints without removing their eye and dying in the process, but there’s still some hope yet - whether it be with Mash remembering their legacies or Brynhildr and Sigurd reconciling or even just the lame “well they’ll get summoned to Chaldea and be in a generic hetereosexual romance with the male main character and he’ll be good to them instead so there, misogyny is solved forever”

It’s kind of funny, in a way the biggest problem with it as a story arc is it’s really not about the main character at all. They’re kind of just along for the ride, they don’t really feel like they do much.

But I think I enjoyed that a lot. Getting characters that had the chance to develop and change without it solely being because of the main character’s ‘goodness’.

#fgo #rambling #fateblogging

[elixirvitae]

I was reading you answer on Alucard's PTSD and in the tags you mentioned how your OC would find way to empathise and help him connect with other. How would that look like? What would your OC do?

Ah, thank you for asking! I'll put this one under a cut because I don't think many people are interested in her

She's a 30 year old doctor of anthropology when she starts working for Integra in 1995. She's calm, mature, and respectful while being confident and passively commands respect. Being a historian, she understands the context and circumstances Alucard has lived through, and is able to see in him facets of periods of time he's survived. There exists even in humans a disconnect from older generations to younger ones, so imagine what that must be like after 500 years? She is able to hold a natural conversation with him when he talks about his life. When his PTSD rears its head, she has no judgement against him, but is always prepared to help him process the effects of PTSD without feeling/expressing any sort of pity for him.

They also connect in that she Doms for him. More often than not when he's not well, she lets him fall back into subspace, and that can be very therapeutic for subs who are in mental or emotional turmoil. It grounds him, and focuses his attention outside of his mind. In their scenes, she tells him she's proud of him and hearing that even in an indirect context is nice for most people.

#alucard x reader/oc #alva hc #thanks for the ask! #not many people ask about my oc lol

[kimnjss]

i have opinions about the groups

for tae’s i guess the way they’re acting is a very summer vibe, each to their own, making use of the time off! and i think w tae they’re all so out of his business bc he’s super closed off and has boundaries for obvious reasons! they’re his getaway from when things had been shit for him too you know? a section of his life that wasn’t tainted by the mention of his parents! it’s hard to feel like you’re being pitied, hurt and dealing with someone constantly walking on eggshells around you

y/n’s group are all super in tune with one another because she and they have been so clear cut with each other that it just comes natural, setting aside joon being into her, she had a much healthier lifestyle and childhood and her friendship group reflects that. her n her mama wore matching suits, she was raised in confidence (when she was sad) and around constant affirmations, love, positivity. she was sheltered for the most part because no matter how much she could empathise with him and knew what he was going through, she couldn’t relate in any sort of way and her life at home was the main focus of reminding her of what she has you know?

so as much as i dislike these characters, i am trying so hard to see it from a pov that isn’t my own and take into experience having had people around me experience these sorts of styles of living and how it influences their day to day

you're absolutely righttt ! taehyung is very secretive when it comes to his past nd his friends sort of learned to stop pushing . nd it has everything to do with him not wanting to bring that part of him into what he's got going on now . back with yn - she knew everything that was going on nd while she never meant to - it effected the way she acted around him . not exactly in a bad way ., but there was definitely a difference . nd since he was meeting these guys after all of that ., it's sort of like a blank slate . but in the reverse of that ., they have no idea what's going on with him so while someone that did would be gentler with him in this situation - they just see it as him not wanting to share a house with his ex .

yn has had her own issues within her family - but they were nowhere near as serve as what taehyung was going through . so she really isn't able to relate ., just be there for him the best she can . nd the way that her mother was with her nd all her numerous tantrums definitely helped out when it came to working people through their emotions . but bc she never really had to deal with too much (even with the things she's been through - she never had to do any of the heavy lifting) . she takes that attitude into her everyday relationships nd her friends act accordingly . which is why joon is so quick to swoop in nd fix things for her . nd hoseok nd jin are more like her ., leaning into having fun nd spending money when a problem arises instead of working through it .

their dynamics are all so different from my previous characters - normally the friends are ready to help out one another ., but everyone is sort of abt themselves ., only popping in to help when it's not inconvenient.. nd it's the exact rich kid vibe that i wanted to give off - (think gossip girl yk) ., so the fact that you dislike them means it's working .

#asks; 🏕 #taehyung sm au #asks; kez 🍯

[pastelcheckereddreams]

Hear me out: Second Husband Lan Xichen x Jiang Yanli.

because they are kindred spirits who would love and admire one another, and Lan Xichen would absolutely respect that Jin Zixuan was Jiang Yanli’s first love with no (okay, perhaps a tiny bit of) jealousy. (He has enough grace to temper his ego.)

Plus, they can bond over Jin Guangyao’s betrayal. Maybe they grow close during Lan Xichen’s seclusion, Yanli caring for him in the way she wishes she could’ve supported Wei Wuxian before his death. (She tries not to remember the anguish on Wen Qing’s face as she related, with clinical detachedness, his mental state during their time at the Burial Mounds.)

Or perhaps they bond earlier, and with Xichen vouching on her behalf, Yanli’s plea is even enough to save Wen Qing from execution. (Saving Wen Ning is perhaps beyond even Lan Xichen’s influence - if Yanli even wants to save him. She believes it when Wen Qing says Wei Wuxian must’ve lost control, says her brother swears there was something wrong that day. And yet...)

Perhaps, Lan Xichen calls on Wen Qing to help heal his younger brother and Yanli in the aftermath of that fateful night at Nightless City and the siege of the Burial Mounds that came after. Because Wen Qing is perhaps the only one who truly understands the weight of their loss - Lan Xichen regrets that he, himself, is an outsider when it comes to Wangji and Yanli’s shared grief over the death of Wei Wuxian.

Perhaps Lan Yuan grows up knowing he has an aunt with the surname ‘Wen’, and although she barely leaves the Gentian Cottage, Lan Yuan cherishes the visits he is granted with her. She tells him stories of where he came from - of his parents, killed long ago, and of the family who raised him through poverty and peril in a nightmarish place called the Burial Mounds.

And so Lan Yuan grows up understand that, to Wen Qing and Lan Wangji - and then, to Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli, who care for Lan Yuan in their absence - the Yiling Patriarch is more than a bogeyman. He is a fellow cultivator  - a flawed young man - who strived to give Lan Yuan a childhood untouched by war.      

Maybe Lan Xichen understands Wangji’s feelings a little more because of this - because of his relationships with Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli. Maybe Jiang Cheng is able to form a relationship with Wen Qing with Yanli’s guidance and assurances. Maybe they can all work through their grief about their lost brothers together.

Maybe Lan Xichen can help Jiang Yanli shoulder the burden of being everyone’s healer in this scenario where she lives yet her husband and her brother still die.

And yet.

They all still miss Jin Guangyao’s betrayal. And no one stops him orchestrating Nie Mingjue’s death, because no matter his romantic or platonic feelings for them both, Lan Xichen has always been collateral damage in the conflict between his sworn brothers.

Nonetheless, Yanli can comfort him in his grief.

There is still no one to comfort Huaisang, though. Jiang Cheng tries, but his sister’s influence can only extend so far: Jiang Cheng is, perhaps, prepared enough this time (much more healed) to help Huaisang with the grief of losing  brother. But it’s not the same.

Taking on the burden of a sect at too young an age, Jiang Cheng can absolutely help with - and does. But it is still not the same, because this time Jiang Cheng has Yanli to help him shoulder that burden, and in any case, the running of the Nie sect isn’t Huaisang’s priority. He thinks only of revenge.

(If Jiang Cheng - and Yanli - knew this, he would perhaps recognise the same desperation in Huaisang’s motives as in Wei Wuxian’s. But, regrettably, neither Jiang Cheng or Jiang Yanli are Huaisang’s confidants. He becomes a more pitiful character, in a way, because there are less people to empathise with his grief and anger. Or perhaps his actions become much more malicious, because revenge is the antithesis to the compassion Yanli has fostered in those who would otherwise be able to relate to Huaisang.)

And so, Wei Wuxian is still resurrected. 

But he doesn’t just wake in the Jingshi to the soft notes of Lan Wangji’s guqin. As the notes die, and his awareness slowly broadens out from where he has zeroed in on Wangji’s voice - “Wei Ying” - he realises there is someone softly humming outside. 

He sees her before she sees him. 

Dressed in soft lilacs and creams, shot through with gold, she somehow doesn’t seem out of place against the white of Lan Xichen’s robes or the deep green of the bamboo. They are sat drinking tea in Wangji’s small pavilion, watching some lotuses float on the water. 

It is such a familiar sight that Wei Wuxian can’t help his sharp intake of breath, the uncertain waver in his voice. Lan Wangji’s hand steadies him.

“Lan Zhan...”

His voice cracks but he doesn’t care, because Yanli is rising and walking towards him and smiling and his heart aches because he doesn’t deserve to have his shijie smile at him like that - so softly with such quiet joy and relief - “A-Xian,” she says, reaching to wipe away tears he didn’t realise he’d let fall. “You’re finally awake.”

#this idea came to me on the edges of sleep and i woke up to find this open post on my laptop #woops #this started as lan xichen feelings and just got sidetracked by my shijie feelings #*clenches fist* #shijie #i once against accidentally stumble into tumblr fic territory #nikkiwrites #canon divergence #canon divergent au #jiang yanli lives #jiang yanli #lan xichen #lan wangji #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #wen qing #nie huaisang #cql fic #the untamed fic #fic idea #au idea

[frosteee]

"You should be scared of me" - Why Shiemi will need to break tradition to truly best Amaimon

The new chapter threw a heck of a lot of stuff at us at once, raising a hundred questions for the few it answers.

We're given a brief synopsis of Amaimon's history with Shemihaza, a relationship that has been hinted at in previous chapters, and the nature of Shiemi's final challenge: to "subjugate" Amaimon, as Shemihaza and all other 'successors' before her.

Shiemi's grandmother instructed her in such a way to make a violent battle between Shiemi and Amaimon inevitable, and Amaimon himself solidified this inevitability by deriding the strength of her abilities, implying a respect for Shemihaza's - whom he serves in a as-yet unexplained way. He may serve Shemihaza, but he is not servile to her, nor is he compelled to respect or serve her successors. Shiemi must prove herself worthy in the power department.

However, I believe that the long-term solution to her and Amaimon's respective barriers will require a change in approach to those before her. Even Shemihaza.

Amaimon's Anger

An unspecified amount of time ago, an angry Amaimon made the land. Given that he has a defined physical form, and the nature of it and his clothes, it is definitely a time in which humans are around and who nature a fear of demons.

It isn't made clear what made Amaimon so angry, but it's clear that it spurred a rage so intense that he took it out on the earth, making it inhospitable for any kind of life. This is when Shemihaza steps in, as Emperor of Creation and Amaimon's foil - she is life and creation, he is death and destruction.

Prior to this point they may have co-existed. Shemihaza may outrank him, but they share many similarities and can be seen as the two sides of the same coin, necessary to keep the world's natural order. Life and death. But Amaimon's outburst and complete annihilation of the land disrupts this order, and requires Shemihaza's intervention.

Shemihaza took pity on Amaimon, and may have also seen the practical reason for keeping him around (going back to the 'two sides of a coin' theory) and so rather than destroy him, Shemihaza sacrificed her body and crystallised herself, binding Amaimon to her in servitude.

It appears that in doing so, Shemihaza sealed parts of Amaimon - his power, or even his persona - in crystals around her frozen form. She allowed him to continue to have a 'self' - or consciousness - by becoming her servant.

Whether it was the act of sealing parts of Amaimon away, or the terms of his service, that quelled Amaimon's anger, it's clear that these measures did not really fix the issue.

Amaimon still carries intense rage within him, evident in his fits of violence and intense anger that break through his usual impassive exterior. He particularly reacts to any whiff of a suggestion that he is weak, which supports the theory that the crystallised parts of Amaimon are parts of his power. With this into consideration, Amaimon has even more reason to be angry now.

Shemihaza's Legacy

If this is the case, then it makes the problem worse in the long term. Amaimon still feels intense rage, but no longer has adequate means to express it like he did in the past. Rather than get to the root of why he feels so angry, Shemihaza has left her successors with a being that grows progressively more hateful and angry with each passing generation, despite lacking the ability to create the same destruction Shemihaza faced.

The flashback of Shemihaza and Amaimon, showing Amaimon kneeling before her, suggests that Shemihaza did not have to exert brute force in order to stop his rampage. As I mentioned earlier, in looking down on Shiemi's power he implicitly expresses respect or at least a past respect for Shemihaza's.

Kneeling before Shemihaza, who has greater power and status than his own, and with whom he may have shared a close relationship (speculation on my part), Amaimon is given a choice: serve Shemihaza and seal parts of his power/self away, through her sacrifice, or lose his sense of self.

Amaimon's options were eternal servitude and what he would probably view as castration, or death. Amaimon chose the former. As Mephisto states, once demons experience life with a body and five senses, the alternative to that, a conceptual being with no thought, senses or freedom, is the closes thing to death they can imagine and completely intolerable.

Shemihaza may have found a solution to the immediate problem of the ruination of the land, but failed to address the ongoing issue of Amaimon's anger, so her successors have continually had to 'subjugate' him into obedience, following her example. Shemihaza may not have needed to brawl with Amaimon, she likely had enough power to subdue him without fighting, but her successors command far less power than she did, especially at the stage Shiemi is at when facing Amaimon.

Pity /= Empathy

Shiemi's grandmother states that Shemihaza's pity for Amaimon's anger motivated her to give him a choice. But pity does not equal empathy, and the 'better' choice Amaimon took, as I said, does not really solve the problem with Amaimon long-term.

She felt pity enough to give him a choice at all, but a bit of empathy for why Amaimon is angry and a desire to help him could have resulted in a far better long-term solution to the problems he was causing.

When Lucifer was suffering and begging the Grigori Shemihaza to continue research into an elixir for him, he furiously pointed out her lack of compassion. Her response was that she had 'abandoned human compassion' when she took on the position.

This shows that while those connected with Shemihaza can feel pity for those around them, they are compelled or even taught to abandon feelings of empathy or compassion for others, following in Shemihaza's footsteps, for the 'greater good'.

There are positives to this way of working, and the Grigori can likely attribute their long service to this, but it also has drawbacks - shown plainly in Amaimon.

If Shemihaza had felt, or allowed herself to feel, compassion and empathise with Amaimon's plight, she may have given him a different choice that would benefit Amaimon himself also and make him a willing ally to her successors instead of a half-tamed beast who still suffers the same anger that they must forcibly take down.

Shiemi's Choice

While her grandmother stated that she must defeat Amaimon in combat in order to enlist his services, this is the will of Shemihaza and will only pass on the same issues to another generation.

If anything is to change, and if Shiemi wants to truly help 'everyone', she will need to go about her fight with Amaimon differently than her forebears.

She will need to rely on her strength, certainly, to not get killed by him, and also to prove herself worthy in the strength department, but she cannot hope to really make a difference and show her growth without showing her characteristic empathy and kindness to him as well.

Shiemi has grown stronger this past year, but her greatest strength has always been her ability to forgive and show kindness to others, especially those who are suffering, even when they hurt her.

Amaimon has hurt her, physically and mentally, but kind Shiemi will still be able to see the wounded soul behind the anger. Amaimon owes her an apology, not the other way around, but as a demon who has never known compassion he must be shown it first before he can reciprocate.

This challenge compels Shiemi to prove her worthiness to command Amaimon, to show her superiority, to order him by fear of pain or worse - as Shemihaza, Mephisto and likely every other demon he has interacted with has done.

This is not Shiemi, or who she should become. The Shiemi we know would never seek to be superior to another being, but on equal level. She would not wish to make anyone her slave, but her friend, even a demon.

When Shiemi states "You should be scared of me", she dangerously echoes the words and actions of her forebears. She cannot truly win by making Amaimon fear her wrath as she fears his, or as Amaimon feared Shemihaza's.

Shiemi needs to hold on to that compassionate side of herself, or else lose her humanity. And keep Amaimon an emotionally frustrated bomb waiting to explode for another generation.

#ok this became way too long hope you guys like XDD #Amaimon #amaimon blue exorcist #amaimon ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #analysis #Thoughts #shiemi moriyama #spoilers #ao no exorcist spoilers #blue exorcist spoilers #chapter 30 spoilers #ch 30 #chapter 30 #long post

[the-cryptographer]

I see the idea sometimes that Fenris thinks Merrill is sweet and childish, but also foolish and naive and not realising the trouble her blood magic will get her and everyone into. Basically with this sense of bafflement that a blood mage could be so nice. And I always do something of a double take because... this is how Varric and Hawke and Isabela see Merrill. This is not how *Fenris* sees Merrill. And, frankly, he has no reason to see her this way to begin with. (Although I will admit, I do not think Fenris is entirely above entertaining this infantilising rhetoric when he thinks it will hurt her, as he does in the banter that follows her act 2 quest.)

Number one. Fenris already *knows* blood mages can be sweet. Fenris spent his formative years around blood mages, engrossing himself in their struggles, empathising with their work, fighting Danarius's battles for him. He is perfectly aware that they can be charming and loveable, cannot bring himself to disagree when Danarius says Fenris once found something worthy of his affection in a blood mage. I would say that Fenris clearly considers the fact that blood mages can be sweet as the larger part of the damned problem. They're sweet, and that sweetness tricks you into overlooking the fact that they're ambitious unrepentant murderers, with powers to mess with your mind and body in ways nobody without magic can. And they will do so if either greed or desperation pushes them to it, whichever comes first. Which may not be universally true, but is all definitely true of Merrill, as it was for the people he knew in Tevinter.

Number two. Fenris isn't going to think Merrill is sweet because she is not sweet to him. Don't get me wrong, Merrill can be very sweet. She is frequently very sweet with Hawke and Isabela and Aveline. But she is not sweet with *Fenris*. Her interactions with Fenris consist of: acting like Fenris is pitiful for not knowing about the Dalish, telling Fenris he's dropping the ball by not caring more about the elves in the alienage or the history of her people, telling Fenris he'd look much prettier if he smiled more often, etc. Merrill is not sweet to Fenris.

I will say, Merrill is often *good* to Fenris. As much as they fight, as much animosity as he shows her, as much as he refuses to return the favour, she never lets it become a reason to jeopardise his safety from his pursuers or his standing with Hawke (which is the major foundation for that safety), or equivocate on his right to be free and freely express all his opinions no matter how distasteful she finds them. And I do think it's possible that he might someday feel safe enough around her to appreciate that goodness in her.

But in the meantime, no, he's just not going to be impressed by the fact that she manages to make herself look sweet and naive enough that the humans around them are going to overlook her ambitions or what she'll do to achieve them as a blood mage.

#Merrill #Fenris #lork dragon age opinions #ferrill #this last part is just my headcanon but I feel since Fenris and Merrill are both elves- #Fenris is also less likely to read Merrill’s asian baby face as actual youth #I would go so far as to say of all the characters he’s the one who most treats her like an adult

[catchester]

Guardians of the Galaxy, Ragnarok, and Classic Loki

I was discussing Classic Loki's costume with someone online and I admit, in the small teaser, I was really disheartened.

Yes, it was a faithful copy of a classic Loki costume, but comic book costumes are ridiculous, especially older ones. And if that wasn't bad enough, his pants looked like a nappy.

I'd been mostly impressed with the mixture of drama and comedy but this outfit was just a step too far for me. I was not confident in where the series was going.

Then in the next episode, they took this walking visual joke and gave him not only a full, but a fulfilling character arc.

I admit, Classic Loki is my second favourite variant, just pipped to the post by alligator Loki.

And isn't that weird? Alligator Loki is objectively more ridiculous, not in his costume but in his whole character. He's a freaking reptile FFS! But I love him.

And that reminded me of a discussion I'd had with a Ragnarok fan who would hear no wrong said about her movie. The points i brought up with her had nothing to do with Loki, I chose the slavery

It's on Sakar

Valkyrie is a slave trader selling people into certain death because no one wins forever, but somehow a hero,

And that Odin build Asgard using slave labour.

And there's the colonialism, related to the third point.

Both of these issues went totally unaddressed in a movie that didn't even need them. They could have written it a different way and still had a good movie.

I mentioned how T'Challa went into the afterlife to berate his father and ancestors for their wrongs and promise to correct their mistakes, while Thor went to his colonising, slaver father and... asks for advice? Really? That's like showing Thor asking Robert E Lee for advice.

She of course, argued that they were making entertainment, not the colour purple or 12 years a slave. Of course that's a straw man argument, but I reminded her that Black Panther had plenty of humour, and GotG literally sends itself up all the time, and even has a goddamn dance off with the villain, yet it still made me care enough to cry about the death of a tree!

Ragnarok had me wondering why Thor tortured his brother, do heroes do that now? Thor isn't even an anti-hero, he's just straight up hero. That scene just left me cold, it wasn't funny and because it was played for laughs, I didn't empathise with Loki. I mean, he just looks constipated.

You all know how much I love Loki, I've written enough stories about him, after all, but Ragnarok Loki is just meh. I care that he was being tortured from an intellectual perspective, because it feels wrong for the hero to do that, and his betrayal of Thor cam out of left field, but I don't feel sympathy for him. I can't relate to him, I feel neither love nor hate for him, I'm just indifferent (to all the characters actually).

The only thing that rouses any emotion in me is Taika and the rage his mishandling of important issues and dismissal existing character arcs brings out in me.

Contrast this torture scene with GotG, which had me sympathising with Nebula while she was being tortured because, sure she's a bad guy, but she's also a well rounded character and her torture wasn't being played for laughs. We know she's been tortured, in one way or another, her whole life. Yes, she's bad, but I can relate to her because I understand her.

Then this Taika fan said something that was more telling than she knew, and was actually 100% correct. Taika thinks comic books are ridiculous, and he's out here making a Road Runner movie.

And it suddenly hit me, she was right.

Everything in Ragnarok is treated the same way an anvil falling on Wile.E.Coyote's head is treated. There are no consequences. There are no lessons learned. There are no character arcs. At the end of the Road Runner series neither the roadrunner or the coyote had changed in any way. They were 2 dimensional, both literally and figuratively.

Unfortunately for her argument, 30 years ago we had what is still arguably the best cartoon Batman series ever, Batman the animated series. It took it's two dimensional animated characters and gave them three dimensional personalities. 30 years later it's still hailed as brilliant.

And I think that's why Classic Loki and GotG can take utterly ridiculous characters (let's face it, all superheroes are ridiculous to some extent) but while some even acknowledge how silly their comic book heroes are, they actually take the characters, the story, and the issues raised seriously.

Yes, Classic Loki looks like a joke, but he's never viewed as one from the crew's perspective.

Alligator Loki is even more preposterous! Who even made his horns, and who puts them on for him? But while the show acknowledges how silly he is with our Loki's questioning, he's a Loki and everyone treats him as a Loki. Yes, he injects some comic relief, but the laughter is never at his expense. He's even shown to be able to hold his own in a fight.

Rocket is a talking raccoon, but he's never laughed at. In fact he's even pitied once you learn what happened to make him that way. He's ridiculous, but he's not a joke. And yes, he makes jokes about how ridiculous they all are (bunch of jackasses standing in a circle) but while a comedic character, the joke is not on him. He's a fully formed, well rounded character. We care about him.

Yes, Star Lord is an idiot at times too, but his heart is in the right place and he wants to do the right thing. So you think he's gone mad when he has a dance off with the villain, but you quickly realise he's being an idiot for a very good reason and is playing to his strengths (and using idiocy as a strength is clever). I think we also understand, because he's a fully formed character, than his humour is a defence mechanism. He plays the fool because that's the niche he's carved for himself to help him cope, but that doesn't mean he is a fool.

Ragnarok wanted to be GotG, but Taiks forgot the part about while it's ridiculous and fanciful, the characters aren't a joke.

To Taika, if it doesn't get a laugh, it's not important. The few serious or touching moments we get are as a result of the MCU bigwigs forcing changes in reshoots, or forcing Taika to stick to the script.

There are no character arcs. You could argue that Loki goes from villain to hero or anti-hero, but he's already been through that journey in Dark World. Why did he regress? Who cares, it's not funny, he's just a bad guy again, forget about the plot holes and just laugh at the guy being killed smelling like toast!

Thor turning away from his father's teachings, like T'Challa did, would have been a wonderful character arc. Seeing his dad, realising his dad was wrong that and he needs to do better, and calling on his own inner strength to protect his people. That would have been a fulfilling arc. Instead he still needs advice from his colonising, slaver father. And this is actually one of the few scenes that wasn't played for laughs. It had so much potential, yet Taika just didn't care enough to reach for it.

Ragnarok is a road runner movie where our heroes toss a series of ACME anvils and dynamite at each other and the bad guys, but like the RR cartoon, there are no consequences. Just like Wile.E, they get straight back up again and lob another anvil at someone.

Hulk has been murdering innocent slaves for quite a while now, but he doesn't care. You'd think Bruce Banner might care about what his alter ego has been up to but no, this good, gentle, introspective, intelligent and caring man doesn't give one single fuck, because it's ACME Hulk and murdering innocent slaves has as many consequences as crushing them with an ACME anvil.

And I think that's the difference. Yes, your characters can be utterly ridiculous, but the crew must take them seriously and make them fully rounded characters who face consequences. Consequences are how we learn and grow.

And if they don't take the movie or characters seriously, you end up with a 2 dimensional story that no one cares about, because you haven't given them a reason to.

I don't care why Wile.E is trying to kill RR. I don't care what his motivation is. I don't care when he gets squashed or blown up, or falls off a cliff, because he's not a character, he's a caricature.

Ragnarok is just a collection of caricatures.

#thor ragnarok #MCU #gagnarok #loki series #Classic loki #old man loki #alligator loki #guardians of the galaxy #peter quill #rocket #nebula #black panther #gotg #gotg 2

[may-b-a-u-shewritestoo]

Chapter 3 | | Doctorates and Dedication

includes; mention of a deceased parent, just fluff and more fluff!

word count; 3.1k

“Did you know there are over one hundred and sixty four thousand emergency room accidents involving ladders each year in the U.S?”

“Then I guess you should hold on tight Spencer. Dad, there is more light in a black hole than up here, I’ll never find it.” Zuli shouted down from her father’s attic. Squinting through the darkness at each cardboard box around the edges of the loft, she reached up on her tiptoes to reach for another box further from the entryway.

“It’s a dark red box, honey. Spencer, is there anything I can get you?” Zuli’s father rubbed his fingers along the dark stubble itching his neck and looked up to keep an eye on his daughter.

“No thank you sir, we had coffee before we got here.” Spencer spoke, adjusting which leg he had up on the bottom rung of the ladder. Gripping the sides tightly, he too looked up at Zuli. “Have you got the box?”

The ladder wobbled a little as she started to come down, “I have indeed, and you better have the ladder.”

*********************************************************

Dropping a flat, rectangular box onto the dining room table, Zuli and her father both shared a melancholic smile. Running her fingers over the black ribbon wrapped around the package and sighed.

“It was your mother’s wasn't it? Did she leave it behind when she left?” Spencer asked, eyes flitting between Zuli and her father. But her father had a confused frown on his face as he stared at her.

“You told him she left?”

“Dad, don’t.” Regret and remorse flooded her face as Zuli pulled out a chair at the table, sitting down and hiding her face in her hands.

Taking a slow breath, she looked up at her dad before turning to face Spencer, who now also shared the same look of confusion.

“Well… So it’s uh, you know that night we went to that diner and we got the biggest sugar rush from that giant sundae and then we spoke about our parents?” Zuli was rushing her words, talking a million miles a minute.

Nodding slowly, Spencer began to speak but Zuli carried on, “I told you my mother left because after you explained what had happened with your parents, I didn’t want to darken the mood anymore and hoped to say something that we could brush over.”

“You said when you were eight she went to work in Europe. Is that not true?” Spencer questioned, trying to focus on Zuli’s expression instead of her father who was clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes on the opposite seat.

Fiddling with her fingers and keeping her eyes on the parcel upon the oak table, she shook her head. Spencer never thought his best friend would lie to him, but his brain told him that there surely would be a good reason as to why she did. Maybe her mom was like his father, too selfish and absorbed to cope with the reality of life.

“She um… she - okay so she passed away just after my eighth birthday,” Zuli shakily breathed out; her father watching sadly and Spencer listening with gentleness, “she got a rare form of cancer. She was so sick, and it was so fast and then one day she was just gone.”

Salty drops threatened to fall from Zuli’s eyes as she told Spencer the one thing she hadn’t shared with anybody in the twelve years since it happened. He could see in her face it was bringing her a tiny relief just to say it, but the hurt was stronger. Something in him wanted to take her pain away immediately, he visualised it as flames that he desperately wanted to stamp out.

“It was easier to say she was gone because that’s how it felt.” Spencer analysed.

“Yeah…” Zuli agreed, smiling softly as a warmness came over her in a wave as she felt safe and recognised by her friend. She didn’t want him to pity her or worse; feel like she was trying to one-up his situation.

“I did the same. You know that. I minimized my mother’s illness so as not to come across eager for sympathy. I empathise with you Zuli. I’m sorry for your loss too.” Spencer had the sincerest tone to his voice as he tried to drill his words into Zuli’s mind. He needed her to know how much he meant it, and how much he wanted her to be comfortable and safe.

It felt like minutes flew by as they both sat in comfortable silence, letting the words sink in and memories to flow freely around each other’s brains. Zuli’s dad on the other hand had begun to shift awkwardly.

“Zuli, honey, are you going to open it?” he said gently, sliding the box closer to her. Wiping her eyes and exhaling quickly, she smiled over at Spencer before standing up over the box again.

Unwrapping the dark silk and lifting the lid of the box, she felt the lump return to her throat as she saw light blue tissue paper with a dark blue envelope resting on the top. It had a little bulge attempting to break through the paper, just underneath her name.

Carefully placing the envelope down to one side, her fingers shakily unwrapped the tissue paper, gasping out as she saw the glittery velvet. Pulling it out in its entirety, the deep blue swing dress sparkled as it hit the dining room lights.

“She bought it when she was ill, Zu. She knew you’d use it one day. I thought you could have it now.” Zuli’s father smiled sadly, looking at the dress and standing up to leave the room, “I love you, I just need some time before tomorrow.”

Zuli nodded in understanding as she folded the dress away and grabbed the envelope and the box. Spencer stood up quickly, smoothing down his trousers before smiling awkwardly at Zuli’s father. They both soon left, leaving him to gather his thoughts but also knowing they had a big day ahead of them.

*********************************************************

Thousands of thoughts swam around her head as she looked at herself in the large mirror above her desk. Dull glows from Zuli’s lava lamp still managed to show the glitter in the embroidered stars across the velvet.

The gifted dress had been only a slight bit too big for her but she’d spent the evening reminiscing about her mother and sewing it tighter to perfection.

Memories of going camping with her mother and father came to visualisation in the forefront of her mind, thinking about the countless times they went stargazing and pointed up at the stars. Now here she was, getting a PhD in Astronomy.

Changing back into her lucky moon print pyjamas, she hung the dress up by the door; ready and waiting for the morning. There was one last thing to do before she slept though.

The dark blue envelope leant against her mirror sat patiently; eager to be opened. Getting settled and nestled in bed, Zuli held it to her chest as if it was a small baby; cradling it before gently opening the paper.

My sweet Lazuli,

By the time this letter is read, I will be long up in the cosmos. I wanted oh so badly to see you in this dress my love. To see you twirl the skirt and the sunlight catching its glitter. My beautiful girl, my darling star, please know that at whatever moment in time you wear this dress; I am entirely proud and in awe of you. You are smart, brave, loud and bold and the world shines brighter with you in it.

I love you.

‘Morte la nuit

(when night has died)

La mémoire des étoiles brûle’

(the stars memory keeps burning)

Mom

*********************************************************

Three sharp knocks to the dorm room and Zuli was knocked out of her trance.

“Coming!” Securing the one last Kirby grip to the one of the tight space buns she had contained her hair into, Zuli stood up and smoothed out her dress.

Opening the door to a sight it felt like she hadn’t seen in a while (even though it had been twenty four hours), Spencer stood tall but slouched nervously; donned in a grey sweater vest, navy blue tie and dark pants. His hair was parted to one side and slightly gelled.

“Don’t you look smart, Doctor.”

“Oh, well, thank you, yeah. You look uh, just as smart. Doctor.” Spencer stuttered out, trying to not let his eyes linger anywhere for too long but at the same time as wanting to store how beautiful Zuli looked.

“Come in, I actually need you to do something for me.” Zuli walked over to her dresser, picking up the envelope from her mother as Spencer slowly stepped into the room, “My mom made me a necklace. It’s made from lapis lazuli!”

Handing it to Spencer, a shock ran through her fingertips and up along her arms as she settled it down into his palm. Meeting his eyes shyly, they both smiled at each other with something quixotic.

“Of course! It matches the tones in your dress.” Zuli smiled at his observance, turning to face the other way and trying not to show Spencer how nervous she was.

She stood for a few minutes, turning her head to see what was taking Spencer so long. Noticing him in her peripheral, she could see his hands shaking and fumbling at the clasp of the necklace.

“Okay, okay I’ve got it. Sorry, I guess I’m nervous.” Spencer seemed to be reassuring himself more than the woman in front of him. Her perfume had inherited every olfactory neuron he had, and he was trying to keep cool.

“This isn’t our first PhD Spencer, it’ll be okay. I agree though, I’m nervous too. Potentially my last doctorate for a while.” Zuli gasped suddenly as the cool metal was laid upon her collarbones.

“You know, I’m uh, I’m really proud of you Zuli.” Spencer admitted, tucking his hair behind his ear that had fallen with stress and clearing his throat.

Zuli beamed, trying to make eye contact with him but he was avoiding her eyes. She held out her hands, palms facing upwards. “Hold my hands?”

As if he wasn’t nervous before, he sure was now. It felt like his senses were slight whenever his skin came into contact with hers. But he was intrigued as to what she wanted.

Sliding his hands over hers, the smooth fawn tones of her palms contrasted his pale ivory ones. He winced a little as she squeezed his hands tightly. “I’m proud of us.”

Spencer could feel his neck turning a lemonade pink as she stared up at him softly. Before he could question the sincerity behind the emphasis of the word ‘us’ Zuli let go and gathered her things together, gesturing for him to follow her out of the door.

*********************************************************

“We come to the last of our awards. Our Frederic W. Hinrichs Jr award is given to the student who proves themselves to be outstanding not just in their faculty but their responsibility, their character and their hard work. This year we have not one but two students more than deserving of this prize. Both holding five doctorates between them and officially holding the record for the youngest students to achieve so,” Zuli’s head whipped round to Spencer sitting beside her; her hands lightly slapping his arm in excitement, “our Hinrichs award is presented to Miss Lazuli Onyeneme and Spencer Reid.”

Screams of pride and enthusiasm sounded from the back of the crowd, Zuli’s father cheering enough to make the two headed towards the stage giggle.

Spencer willed himself to shake hands with the dean awarding them, but he was met with a smile as the dean whispered, “Don’t worry, I remember from the Mathematics doctorate.”

Contradictory to the important bacterial rule, as the dean read out the prizes, conditions and compliments; Zuli grabbed Spencer’s hand tightly.

Looking down at her with what could only be described as fascination and adoration, those feelings were confirmed as mutual as Zuli turned to return the gaze.

Even with the booming sound of the dean’s voice filtering out of the speakers at the side of the stage, Spencer could hear the words Zuli spoke clear as crystal.

“We did it.”

*********************************************************

“Woo! Oh god! No! Watch out!” Zuli shouted, as the mountainous amount of champagne foam lathered out everywhere, “Well, I could give some of the prize money towards maintenance, it’s clear I’ve ruined their carpet.”

The large group of Zuli’s friends and family laughed as she poured out a glass for them all, Spencer watching and chuckling at her boisterousness. He could see the true jubilation in her face, and he kept seeing her look up towards the sky. He could tell she knew she was making her mom proud, and she was making sure to tell her mom every few hours of that day.

“Hey Doctor Reid, may I borrow you for two seconds?” She was right in front of him. God only knew how Zuli managed to move that quickly but he could work out the maths later.

“Yes Doctor Oneyeneme, you can. Although two seconds is an insanely short amount of, ah!” Zuli laughed and rolled her eyes, quick to drag him out of the celebration hall and down the corridor to the one place they hadn’t been in a while.

Luckily, the library was empty; the doors closing behind them leaving a frighteningly loud echo that bounced off the wall and hit the sudden tension in the air.

“Why are we here?” Spencer asked, taking a tiny sip of his drink and holding it to his chest. Zuli hoisted herself up onto the top of the receptionist desk and swung her legs happily.

“You’ve been staring at me today. A lot more than usual. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable at my dorm earlier, I wanted to come and talk to you without everyone else just in case.” Her legs stopped swinging as Spencer cleared his throat and took another sip of his drink.

“I’ve been reading your expressions and just overall reactions today to try to better understand what you meant when you said ‘us’ earlier.” His words came out like vomit, metaphorically and almost literally as he grew nauseous with nerves.

Zuli shared the feeling, she didn’t know if it was the alcohol that she’d only had two sips of or the fact that her best friend of eight years had clocked on to her new fondness; but whatever it was had her stomach in knots and tangles.

Sighing heavily, she jumped off the desk and came to stand in front of Spencer. Even after standing and giving an acceptance speech in front of hundreds of students only hours before with nothing but confidence; her breath became shaky as she forced herself to look up at him.

“Okay so, first of all, you’re ridiculously good at reading behaviour so you figure it out. Secondly, my dad knows a guy who trains people for a behavioural analysis unit in Virginia. I gave him your details and he should be here today actually which I hope is okay but you’re just so good Spencer, I thought it would be perfect. Thirdly and in relation to the first points, I got nervous about us. Us in definition is-“

“The objective case of we-“

“Yeah. You’ve been my only friend Spencer, for these past eight years and technically since I was eight. It’s been amazing watching you learn, listening to you teach me stuff I thought I’d never find useful, and this whole ‘last doctorate’ thing has terrified me. I uh, I like you Spencer and I’m kind of scared to not have you around, okay?”

She took a deep breath after that, and chugged back her entire glass of champagne; tutting at herself in disappointment immediately as she realised they wouldn’t give her another one.

More importantly, Spencer hadn’t said anything in response to her confession. He stood frozen, mimicking Michelangelo’s David as he held his glass to his chest with one hand and his other was glued to his side. His eyes blinked a few times more than normal, the shock cooling off as the realisation hit him.

“Wait. You like me? Have you not liked me since we met?” Spencer mumbled, watching Zuli’s face as she rolled her eyes.

“Of course I’ve liked you. I’m saying now, that I like like you. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Zuli moved a few inches closer, smiling sweetly as Spencer smiled first.

He couldn’t stop the grin widening upon his face as his analysis of her had been affirmed. He had been just as nervous all day, and finally he knew that feeling he desperately tried to ignore was mutual.

“I understand. What do I do about that? Is there anything I can-“ Spencer began but Zuli butted in and shushed him.

“You could ask me to be your girlfriend and then we can walk into that hallway and carry on celebrating becoming Caltech’s youngest doctors? Do you think you got what it takes?” she asked, looking up at Spencer with excited eyes, Spencer noticing the twinkles in them reminiscent of the galaxies he knew she adored.

“Me ask you to be my - be my girlfriend? Like a real - for real?” he was nervously chuckling in disbelief as he repeated Zuli’s words. When she nodded, he cleared his throat a few times before asking the same words again with a pinch more confidence.

“Yes. Yes I will Spencer Reid. Oh wait, sorry,” As Zuli agreed to his question she paused, making Spencer nervous once again, “Yes I will, Doctor Reid.”

She snorted and pulled on his arm again, pulling him out of the library and ready to walk back to the crowd that was probably wondering where they went.

Stopping in her tracks suddenly, Zuli looked up at Spencer once more. “May I um… would it be okay if I kissed you Spencer? I have this like, overwhelming amount of excitement bundling through my veins and it feels right.”

He wanted nothing more, in all honesty but he knew there was a reason behind it. “Yeah wow um, it would be more than okay, but also that’s called adrenaline Zuli, you should -“

Before he could finish the fact she definitely already knew, Zuli tiptoed and gently pressed her lips against his. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, his legs felt like jelly and he was sure he would collapse at any moment.

When she pulled away, Zuli giggled at the almost drunk look on his face. “Now that is often called dopamine.”

He just stared after her with infatuation as he followed like a lost puppy back into the conference room. She stood already next to her father and another shorter man, holding a protective and stern expression.

“Spencer come here! I’d like you to meet my father’s friend.” She sent a smile at both of them before stepping back to let the man introduce himself.

“Hello Spencer, I’ve heard good things. I’m Jason Gideon.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x black!fem!oc #spencer reid x oc #criminal minds #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fic #tdtb #any feedback is always appreciated #i love y’all

[wizkiddx]

Forget the world

I really really hope everyones okay at the moment. The world is truly fucking shit, but sending all my love, and it is okay to feel completely done at this point (I do hence why I wrote this instead of meeting my deadlines :/)

Summary: readerxtomholland -- pure fluff when everything gets a bit much for Y/n

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A third lockdown in the UK. More than 1000 deaths in a day. US capitol riots highlighting just how stark the white privilege is. The worlds a scary place and sometimes it gets too much. It’s good to be informed, to be politically and socially active, fighting the good fight… right? Well yes, but we are humans.

Humans are more complex than that. We ruminate we feel and we empathise. None of these issues have directly affected you, but that doesn't mean these things don’t hurt you - even a little. Bit by bit, a person can so easily get chipped away until there’s not a lot of fight left.

These daily 5 o’clock briefing, the prime minister in all his stupid oafish idiocy invading your living rooms with his persistent if oh so incorrect chat of ‘how well the UK has handled this crisis’. Then going on to spout more and more bad news. It was like a scheduled form of torture that Brits just had to through. And it just got a lot.

What didn’t help at all to you, was the fact your boyfriend was leaving for work again. You’d barely had him for two weeks before he was being whisked away in his private jet again. And even that time, it wasn’t really couple quality time… not by a long shot. Because of the complicated and ever-changing laws in the UK, you had both moved into his parents' house rather than being stuck just the two of you over Christmas. Don’t get the wrong impression, you lovvvveeeeeddddd his family - it was crazy, chaotic and infuriating in the best way.

That, however, didn’t get away from the fact you missed him. You missed lying in till the afternoon. You missed having breakfast for dinner after cooking it up in your skimpy pyjamas. You missed silence - of the two of you just coexisting. You missed your Tom.

SO fair to say you were not feeling particularly over-enthused on this overcast Tuesday morning. Somehow sensing this while you were still asleep, Tom chose not to wake you and instead crept out the room to go golfing with his brothers and dad for the last time before he left. Having woke up a couple of hours ago, you made the executive decision to just stay there - just feeling like the energy it’d take up to move was too torturous to expend. When Tom and the boys got back then, they immediately recounted the whole experience to Nikki - Harry showing off at his particularly good round - before Tom naturally started searching for you. His mum, being almost psychic, instantly noticed and just shook her head over Harry’s droning voice as she pointed upstairs. And with a thankful nod, he snuck away - if anything grateful for the escape.

“Love…. Love?” Tom hesitantly crept into the room, your body facing away and still wrapped like a burrito in the duvet. You rolled over and gave him a small smile, to which he grinned at and immediately leapt on to the bed. Land directly on your stomach. With force. You let out an ‘ooof’ as his not so petite body knocked all the air out of you, making you groan and recoil to your side as he laughed pitifully at you. “I missed you” He just grinned, worming his way from lying horizontally across you until he was lying completely on top of you his chin resting on your chest bone as he smiled at you. “And you thought you’d jump on me to show that?” “I couldn’t help it you just looked so peaceful” You quirked your head, not seeing his point. “And your not allowed to look like that without me!” He huffed, finally rolling off you as you giggled at his stupidity. “But seriously you good? Its 12 and you’ve not moved yet.” “Mhmm just… just.” “You're just just?” He teased, now leaning up on his elbow as he smiled down at you. “Exactly. I just can’t deal with today.” You sighed as you spoke, looking up to him with eyes as if asking him to help. It made his jokey and teasing demeanour take a serious turn, his eyebrows furrowing as he really inspected your face - as if trying to the find the answer written in small print under your nose. He whispered a ‘what do you mean’ asking you to go on. “I don’t know …it’s just lockdown and America and…and you going. I’m just self-pitying really.” “No” Tom stated rather adamantly, as he sat up and then pulled you up by the arms earning yet another groan from you as he interrupted your cocoon of warmth. “You're allowed to feel shitty because it is all actually very shitty indeed.” You rolled your eyes at that, even if you did agree because you didn’t want to be the mopey desperate girlfriend who can’t handle when he goes away. “Y/n/n I’m serious. The news and everything… it’s a lot and you're allowed to feel like you can’t comprehend whats going on.” In response you just nodded, averting your eyes away from his because, for no real reason at that moment, his eye contact seemed to be forcing you to cry. But the boy did not let up. Instead, he crawled up to you, his legs sandwiching yours as he kneeled in front of you. “And… I’m going to miss you a lot when I go.” Tom gently pushed your chin up so his locked eyeline with your watery ones that instantly started to overflow. Tom murmured an ‘oh love’ as he threw his arms around you, letting you cry into his shoulder - most probably ruining his new fancy golf shirt.

You stayed like that for some time, him gently hushing you and stroking the back of your messy bed head. Until you’d finally calmed into little hiccups and Tom arched back. He cupped his hands around your cheeks, his thumbs brushing away your tear tracks. “Let's have a just us day huh? We can… forget the world.” “Forget the world?” Your laugh was a little wet and sad sounding but it was music to Tom’s ears and only spurred him on more. “Yeh! Fuck the world. It’s just you and me and we can do whatever you want!” “You’re stupid” you just giggled, trying to hide your face because he had you blushing like a lovestruck teen… which was exactly how he made you feel. “I know! So come on what should we do… movie or something isn’t right because you still can think about- I got it!” He leapt off you and started looking around the room, first pulling the chair out from its position in the corner and then whipping the duvet cover off your legs. “TOM! what-“ “We are building a fort!” And his stupid grin said it all. It took next to no convincing before you were running downstairs with him, ransacking the sitting room of all blankets (earning you some comically quizzical gazes from his Dad and Sam) before running back up.

This stupid stupid boy that you had to pleasure of calling your boyfriend had you revert to a seven-year-old as the two of you attempted to construct this fort. Attempted being the keyword, it kept collapsing when one of you accidentally stubbed your toe on the chair holding all the structural integrity of your creation (*Tom). However, after a ridiculous amount of attempts you were adding the piste de resistance - aka fairy lights - to the interior while Tom set up a game of Harry Potter monopoly on the next floor you’d made.

And that’s how you burned the day away; laughing whilst getting overly competitive at your Harry Potter knowledge; ordering pizza that you forced Harry to delivery to the entrance of your fort from the front door (you even managed to make Harry knock on the makeshift blanket door, which had the two of you cracking up no end); generally just being stupid together. Before you knew it, the time had ticked to half eleven and the both of you knew it was time to bed down for the night. With a sigh, signifying the beginning of the end of Tom’s last day in the UK, you went to crawl out of the fort - expect your boyfriend had other plans. Rather, he yanked you back towards him so you almost fell into his front and then proceeded to roll you both, so now you were lying flat on the ground while he leaned above you. “You … little miss… are not going anywhere.” You hummed at him about to ask why, before being rudely interrupted as he pressed his lips against yours. You didn't fight it though, immediately relaxing into it and wrapping your legs round his waist to pull him impossibly closer. After a few moments, you broke the kiss staring up at him with the softest eyes. “Sorry I just had to stop you from ruining the moment.” He jibed, and again you went to scowl but were cut off by his soft lips on yours once again. Tom only pulled away when both of your lungs had started to burn a little, needing to come up for air. With a whisper telling you not to move, Tom bolted out the fort. You could hear him scurrying around in the room - to be honest, it sounded like he was ransacking it- before the big light was flicked off and he crawled back in in the darkness.

This time you’d learned your lesson, waiting patiently until he spoke first. “I got a surprise… it was uh- supposed to be for when I was already away but I think now works too” You couldn’t see his face through the darkness, but what you knew, either way, was the excitement that’d be on his face - he loved revealing stuff like this to you because he is, as previously mentioned a child. And then he flicked the switch and the interior of the tent was illuminated by a pattern of stars, projecting upwards and swirling around on the blanket roof. The sight had you audible gasping, this time the dim light it gave meaning Tom could see your eyes widen in delight. “Tom its-“ “Not as beautiful as you.”

Hell, you knew how fucking corny this was. And how if any of your mates ever recounted the story you’d be recoiling is dismay at the cliche-ness of it. But at that moment you swore your heart could burst, looking between the twinkling projections and Tom’s dimly glowing features - the blue light bouncing off his cheekbones and making him look just even more divine. “We are sleeping here tonight because I just don’t want this moment to end” You whispered making Tom chuckle as he lay back down next to you, letting you curl into his side and resting your head on his chest - so you were watching the swirling walls whilst listening to his heartbeat. “This fort… will always be ours.” He spoke lowly, reaching for your hands and entwining his fingers with yours slowly. “I’m going to mis-“ “Shhhhh” He blocked you from finishing the phrase, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before continuing. “ Don’t forget we’re forgetting the world yeh? It’s just you and me.” “Just you and me isn’t half bad.” You whispered, using your thumb to draw little meaningless patterns on the top of his palm. “No… not half bad at all.” His voice was so quiet, so calming he barely even used his voice - rather just breathing the words out as he squeezed you into his chest. You knew he was trying to make you fall asleep. This is what he always did, a kiss to the head, his voice barely existing, him squeezing you just a little tighter. But you didn’t want to. Because that meant that he’d leave when you woke.

You desperately tried to fight the waves of relaxation, trying to pay attention to each little swirl and tinkle of the projector but it was hypnotic, and that coupled with the steady beat of his heart had you soon losing the battle. Tom could tell you were fighting, Tom could always tell. So he gently shifted his arm under you baggy t-shirt, allowing Tom to trace little circles on your bare skin. That was enough to have force your eyes to become deadweights as they locked shut.

“I got you…I’ll still be here when you wake up” You hummed, pressing yourself into his side a little more. “‘hankyou for… for…” Tom grinned, knowing you weren’t going to make it to the end of the sentence. But that didn’t matter. At that moment, the only thing in the world that matters was having you in his arms.

“I’ll always forget the world when I’m with you.”

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #fluff

[rurifangirl]

(i promised i'd send you character asks but then i lost the ask prompts, so i just searched for some and found this. leave out any you don't wanna answer)

for kayn, shou, idris and eris <3

what is your character's favorite memory?

what is your character's least favorite memory?

does your character hate anyone? why?

how did your character meet their best friend?

what other fictional characters remind you of your character?

do people have justified grudges against your character?

what is your character proud of?

what is your favorite thing about your character?

So, I'll leave Idris out of this, because i just recently decided to completely rework on him so😭😭

I'll choose only 6 in this case, but it's really appreciated, thank you again for yo ask <3

💜-

what is your character's favorite memory?

Kayn has his own fair share of good memories, so there isn't one that Is his favourite. It could be about the time he healed a little fox's leg when he was very small, and taking care of It for some time.

Or the time him and the Orphans at Black Swan stole some chocolate during winter.

Or even more recent ones, such as meeting the gang for the first time, and some precious moments he had in his later time with Ruri. There's quite a lot.

what is your favorite thing about your character?

Honestly, everything. From personality to motivation, to morals and anything around him. Not only he's honestly outstandingly caring, and all around very sweet, even to those who severely hurt him.

He thinks there's enough in anyone to change, or becoming the best they could, and he does think that for the longest time. Those beliefs do tremble throughout his journey, and does lode hope in some individuals.

At first, It was devestating, but with time being, he comes to terms that not everyone can be saved.

That there's always going to be people that should just be left to rot.

Even if he'll have the single shred of respect for them, he slowly wouldn't do anything to prevent them for death.

Not all lives, even if innocent, can be saved, and that's just how It Is.

But even then, at that realization, he still does much and even more to prevent that. There's still time where that majorly fails, and brings him to despair, and other times where he succedes.

He just wants to secure everyone, as he's physically pretty weak, so making sure whoever around him Is fine, Is what he aspires to do. To not let anyone soccomb to what he had to endure.

To give protection to those who deserve a second chance they never got to get. I would like to go on on this but i feel like I'm being too much in his favour, SHOU COME HERE YOU FUCKER

🍵-

do people have justified grudges against your character?

Yes,, ESPECIALLY Rui and Lyva.

For context, since this part of the story Is the big post one and Is rather old, Shou invited them to his shrine, as a way to corner them and seeing if they were worthy. Some stuff goes in the way and he gets so enranged to actually try to murder them, and even if It ends up in a draw, Shou still gave quite a lot of damage. Physical, and unkowingly emotional.

He does grow up, and we can see that happening in our current Shou. He does end up being more of a good person, even if still sort of tied to the past. Lyva and him do get some moments, especially after she leaves Myst and Is devastated by that. He's the last one to give her support, purely because she's avoided him ever since the meeting.

With Rui,, they were pretty chill anyways, so they weren't as hostile. As long as he gave them shiny stuff and didn't steal any of gems, they were fine.

what is your character's least favorite memory?

Anything regarding his time with his mother, which Is ironic since he does pity her afterwards. Especially, the moments when he was a very little kid. Also the time he hid the fact he was a trans man BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT

/j we do but i don't wanna deal w transphobia right now

🌑-

how did your character meet their best friend?

It was the time moon was freed. In fact, Myst was the one actually doing the talk with them, as Kerei was too busy studying for objects to break it's mirror spell. So before that, they both did bond, even if in a short time.

After moon gets their physical form back, it's helped by him, who despite the,, y'know, height difference, did a very good job. When Echo later joins them, Myst and Eris do team up just to purely annoy him, since It was far more interesting than what Kerei had.

Eris also empathises with Myst losing a 'lover', since she never actually confessed to Lyva yet, and gives him enough support. They occasionally talk about moons old darling, and some little things they had.

what is your character proud of?

Being worthy enough to be back there, on earth, even if that took a very much amount of time. Even if Eris Is not as powerful as it was before, they're doing their best to better up, and be useful for those around them.

Tags undercut:

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx @audre-falrose @nadi-117 @infra-jaded

#long post #ruruasks #rurusocs #oc #ocs #my ocs stuff #kayn #shou #rui #lyva #eris #kerei #myst #dragon raja #dragon raja oc