#smut kth

[alessiamalfoyzabini]

You are my Choice

↳ summary: Difficile vivere una relazione nell'ombra, di più se neanche gli amici del tuo fidanzato ti conoscono, a volte l'amore non basta per affrontare la solitudine che la mancanza di un partner crea, cosa farai dunque?

pairing: Kim Taehyung x f.Reader

genre: romance, angst, smut

word count: 9.300

warnings: angoscia, preoccupazioni e ansie, smut, preliminari, sesso vaginale

Her – Amore

Carezzò con riguardo quelle ciocche brune, scostandole dagli occhi del bel ragazzo dormiente, attenta a non turbare il suo sonno.

Sorrise con tenerezza, lei, costretta nell'ombra. Poteva averlo solo in quel modo, in segreto, nessuno sapeva di lei. Neanche la famiglia del ragazzo, nessuno.

Ci aveva provato, a lasciarlo, ma come una stupida si diceva che un giorno sarebbero usciti alla luce del sole, mano nella mano, a fronteggiare quel mondo.

Taehyung, con la sua dolcezza infantile, glielo faceva credere.

"«Ancora un po', solo un altro po'»".

La sua voce calda, profonda, accogliente. Era quella che riusciva sempre ad ingannarla. Lei non poteva rifiutare ciò che le veniva offerto.

"Troppo poco" si diceva. Eppure ogni fibra del suo corpo la collegava a quello del ragazzo, unendoli in una danza che iniziava con passione e finiva con l'amaro in bocca, solo a causa del tempo. Quel maledetto tempo che, beffardo, scorreva velocemente quando erano insieme – troppo velocemente – e andava a rilento quando il suo uomo si separava da lei, dovendo tornare alla sua vita frenetica e faticosa, e allora le toccava aspettare. Cercando di non impazzire nel frattempo.

Era una sofferenza immane, quando lo vedeva in TV, ammiccava verso le telecamere, diventava una furia di sensualità sul palco. Ma non per lei, bensì per le sue fans, le ARMY.

Ragazze di qualsiasi età che avrebbero dato di matto nel sapere di quella relazione clandestina. Sarebbero riuscite a dividerli. Lì subentrava la paura, e come una codarda tornava al suo giaciglio. In attesa di una sua, breve, pausa. Tutto per passare dei momenti insieme, momenti intensi, ma mai abbastanza felici.

Lei non era soddisfatta di quella vita, sarebbe venuto il giorno in cui avrebbe detto addio al suo principe azzurro, in cui si sarebbe negata il tocco di quelle soffici labbra sulle sue, di quegli occhi attenti e innocenti sulla propria pelle, ma perdendosi ancora una volta in quell'espressione di pura beatitudine, che governava i tratti distesi del moro, quasi pianse. Ci sarebbe riuscita? Era la cosa giusta da fare? Forse sì, forse no. Avrebbe sofferto molto? Lui avrebbe sofferto?

Con gli occhi ormai lucidi per lo sforzo di trattenere quelle sensazioni, si lasciò scappare un lungo e silenzioso sospiro.

Sentì qualcosa risalirle la gamba e sussultò colta alla sprovvista, abbassò gli occhi per farli scontrare con due perle nere, così brillanti e animate da smuoverle quel muscolo che pompava ad alta velocità nel petto.

«Sei ancora sveglia» sussurrò, non era una domanda.

«Anche tu lo sei, da quanto?» domandò, imitandone il tono basso.

«Sono sempre stato sveglio» la portò più vicina a sé, stringendola con tenerezza e cura, come un prezioso cimelio dal valore inestimabile.

Lui sapeva dei suoi tormenti, era così prevedibile?

«Mi dispiace» continuò, deglutendo con fatica «Non riesco a renderti felice» era mortificato. Lui che cercava di far sorridere tutti, eliminando quelle espressioni tristi dai volti dei suoi amici, non riusciva a far contenta la persona che più amava, e che stava al suo fianco da ormai quattro anni.

«Taehyung, tu mi rendi felice».

«Ma non abbastanza» si sollevò di scatto, facendo scivolare le lenzuola calde dal proprio corpo «E so a cosa stai pensando» c'era urgenza nella voce, e una nota di disperazione «Ma non farlo, non lasciarmi».

Il gelo scese in quella camera da letto, troppo grande per una sola persona che attendeva il ritorno di un'altra con sempre più solitudine nel proprio cuore.

Era una richiesta egoista quella di Taehyung, ma non riusciva ad immaginare una vita senza di lei. Si era abituato a quella casa che odorava del suo profumo, di quei piccoli dettagli che solo lei poteva aggiungere alle stanze, come dei coniglietti di pezza colorati messi ad ogni angolo della finestre. Aveva comprato una casa solo per vivere con lei in santa pace, ma esattamente, quando viveva con lei?

Stava solo pochi giorni, il tempo di riprendere le forze dopo innumerevoli interviste, concerti, allenamenti e comeback. Lui e i ragazzi dopo essere stati conosciuti anche in America e nel resto del mondo erano richiestissimi ovunque, l'agenzia non faceva che sommergerli di compiti. Non avevano nemmeno il tempo di respirare. E anche il desiderio di mettere radici e crearsi una famiglia veniva posticipato di continuo.

Viaggiava, vedeva posti nuovi, incontrava nuova gente, sempre senza di lei.

E si odiava per questo. Sentiva di usarla, ma ne era diventato dipendente, era assuefatto da lei e semplicemente una vita priva della sua presenza era orribile da immaginare.

«Che stai dicendo? Non ho mai detto una cosa del genere» farfugliò sotto lo sguardo implorante di lui, che le afferrò le mani stringendole con forza.

«Ci stavi pensando, chiunque ci penserebbe dopo aver sopportato questa situazione per troppo tempo».

Non riuscì a sostenere ulteriormente il suo sguardo, Taehyung aveva capito tutto e la stava praticamente pregando.

Le sue mani furono ben presto libere, il ragazzo si lasciò scappare un sospiro tremante. Le voltò le spalle.

Si sentì persa immediatamente, cosa significava?

La stava lasciando libera? Si era già arreso, valeva così poco per lui?

«Non ti tratterrò, non se questo ti fa soffrire» sussurrò dalla parte opposta. Lo stesso ragazzo che poco prima la stava implorando di ripensarci. Era questo uno degli aspetti che non sopportava di Taehyung. L'indecisione.

Fu questo che la portò ad alzarsi da quel letto, ormai fatto di spilli acuminati.

Si rivestì con una semplice maglia bianca, di un tessuto quasi impalpabile e un paio di jeans, nonostante fuori si gelasse. In quel momento moriva di caldo e aveva bisogno di una boccata d'aria, mise le sue sneakers e si mosse piano, lui rimase in quella posizione, ma poteva sentire i suoi occhi bruciarle contro la schiena.

Tear – Solitudine

Sette mesi dopo...

Lo aveva lasciato.

La notte in cui uscì faceva freddo, pioveva leggermente, eppure ciò le aveva dato modo di riflettere sull'intera relazione a mente lucida. E dunque era riuscita a fare quel grande passo. Aveva passato la notte da una sua amica e il mattino seguente era tornata da lui, per mettere un punto definitivo a quella storia.

Taehyung si era limitato a guardarla, senza nessuna espressione sul bel viso. Era apatico, freddo, non il migliore degli addii, ma detto sinceramente, quale addio era mai stato felice?

Nel frattempo aveva trovato lavoro come web designer e aveva affittato un appartamento grazie ai suoi precedenti lavori. Voleva semplicemente andare avanti, lasciarsi tutto alle spalle e rifarsi una vita senza dover dipendere da nessuno.

Ma lo vedeva in TV, ancor più di prima. La fama cresceva e con essa anche le interviste. Lui non sorrideva più, rimaneva serio rispetto agli altri suoi compagni che ridevano per stemperare la tensione. Lui rimaneva impassibile, come quel grigio giorno di pioggia. E allora il petto doleva, e pensieri come "codarda, lo hai abbandonato, in un momento così delicato poi" le intrappolavano la mente.

Si era ripromessa comunque di andare avanti, lei non poteva stare ad aspettarlo per sempre e Taehyung aveva compreso la sua scelta e si era messo da parte.

No?

Era diventata un'abitudine stare fermo a guardare il display del suo cellulare. In attesa di una chiamata, un messaggio, qualsiasi cosa che gli dicesse "Ha bisogno di te, vai a riprenderla".

I giorni trascorrevano lenti e monotoni, il cielo per quanto chiaro, risultava plumbeo agli occhi del giovane, come l'umore che lo aveva caratterizzato da quel giorno. I ragazzi avevano notato quel radicale cambiamento, ma nessuno aveva avuto il coraggio di chiedergli qualcosa, si limitavano a lanciare occhiate perplesse e preoccupate, nessuno di loro poteva immaginare la motivazione che si celava dietro quel comportamento bizzarro. Taehyung non aveva mai parlato di leiagli altri, uno dei suoi tanti errori.

Per gli idol non era permesso intrattenere certe relazioni, ma di certo questo non li fermava, e i componenti del gruppo ne sapevano sempre qualcosa. Lui invece aveva tenuto definitivamente la bocca chiusa anche con i suoi amici, l'aveva esclusa da tutto, lei era semplicemente una parentesi nella sua vita, si maledì ancora una volta per la sua stupidità.

Voleva rimediare ai suoi errori, voleva darle una vita degna di essere vissuta al suo fianco. Ma la stampa e gli haters ci avrebbero sguazzato per anni, ricordando Kim Taehyung, in arte "V", come l'ennesimo pazzo che aveva cercato di fottere il sistema. Per non parlare delle sue fan, le amava, ma purtroppo erano capaci di tutto. Non dava nemmeno a loro la colpa, gli Idol venivano visti come burattini col solo scopo di far felici i fan solo a causa delle agenzie stesse che non si preoccupavano di salvaguardare la loro dignità come esseri umani.

Quindi, come fare?

«Taehyung?» Namjoon si accostò a lui «Possiamo parlare?».

«Sì, Hyung. C'è qualcosa che non va con l'inizio di Fake Love?» chiese, prendendo una bottiglietta d'acqua fresca dal tavolino riservato agli snack.

Il suo leader scosse la testa.

«Sei stato perfetto oggi. Vorrei parlare a proposito di te».

Quasi si strozzò, cercando di mandare giù la grossa quantità d'acqua esageratamente presa.

Namjoon che voleva parlare non era mai un buon presagio, se poi si parlava di questioni personali c'era solo da scappare.

«Riguardo?».

«Tae, ultimamente sei abbattuto, non parli più molto e guardi sempre da un'altra parte, con occhi persi nel vuoto... o incollati al cellulare. Cosa c'è che non va? Devi dirci qualcosa?».

Ci pensò, ormai era andata, perché fingere ancora? La consapevolezza di non aver più nulla da nascondere lo colpì duramente.

«Mi sono innamorato, Hyung, da molto, troppo ormai. E l'ho persa» fissò distante il suo riflesso nello specchio della sala prove. I capelli erano diventati più lunghi, non riconosceva più la sua espressione, e le labbra erano perennemente portate all'ingiù, come a dire "sto male dentro, ma devono saperlo tutti" «Era davvero Fake Love?» chiese al più grande, che ancora non si decideva a parlare.

Namjoon era rimasto semplicemente a bocca aperta. Taehyung non aveva mai accennato ad una relazione amorosa in passato, tantomeno si era comportato in modo strano. Era felice per ogni cosa, anche un piccolissimo regalo era capace di farlo sorridere, ma la verità era comunque venuta a galla. Sospettava ci fosse qualcosa di sbagliato nel suo comportamento, ma non trovava una risposta ai suoi dubbi.

E ora Taehyung se ne usciva con quelle parole, dette per togliersi un peso più che altro, non certo per renderlo veramente partecipe.

Era finita, e Namjoon avrebbe dovuto esserne contento, il gruppo prima di tutto e in quanto leader doveva essere il primo a rispettare quella regola e farla rispettare. Il viso indifferente del più piccolo, però, lo frenava dal dire cose come "È meglio così, avresti rovinato tutto". Troppo cattivo, troppo poco delicato in una situazione come quella. Così sbagliato.

Rimase ancora un po' in silenzio, rispettando il dolore dell'amico e prese posto vicino a lui, sul pavimento. Gli altri nel frattempo continuavano a provare, non consapevoli del loro tumulto interiore.

Odiava profondamente Kim Taehyung.

Era ancora nella sua testa, non voleva andarsene per nulla al mondo. Lo vedeva ovunque, dietro le spalle, accanto a sé durante la colazione, a lavoro mentre parlava con i colleghi riguardo ad un nuovo progetto e, soprattutto, nei suoi sogni.

Piangeva, era in un angolo e la chiamava per nome, ma non si voltava mai a guardarla, era solo e lei poteva semplicemente guardare. Non le era permesso avvicinarsi o toccarlo, tutto perché era stata lei la prima a prendere le distanze. E ora pagava.

«Pronto? Ci sei?».

Qualcuno le schioccò le dita davanti agli occhi, si riprese.

«C-come? Sì, ci sono».

Bon Hwa la guardò diffidente «Sembravi persa nel tuo mondo, è da quando ci conosciamo che è così. Sono un tipo noioso?».

"«Sono un tipo noioso? Eeeehiiii!! Non ignorarmi, tu mi piaci sul serio, sai?»".

Spalancò gli occhi, credendo di aver sentito male, ora la perseguitava anche con i ricordi?

«Sto benissimo» sorrise al ragazzo biondo, era carino e non le aveva mai chiesto del suo passato, era un tipo che pensava più al presente, ed erano chiare le sue intenzioni, peccato che lei non era del suo stesso avviso. Sentiva di provare ancora forti sentimenti per quel dannato, non voleva far rivivere la stessa esperienza a qualcun altro. Non sentirsi abbastanza amati, fermi in una storia dove non si va avanti.

Assolutamente no.

«E non sei affatto noioso, solo... sono io il problema in verità, scusami» abbassò lo sguardo sulle sue mani, adagiate pigramente in grembo. Bon Hwa sorrise amaro.

«Ah, esci da una relazione seria» disse con tono ovvio «Sono quelle a distruggerti dentro».

Anche Bon Hwa ci era passato quindi, e da quel giorno evitò di esternare ancora una volta le sue intenzioni, rispettava il vuoto che Taehyung aveva lasciato nel suo cuore.

Guardava con un certo distacco il letto matrimoniale che si presentava ai suoi occhi, era rimasto uguale da quando se ne era andata, sfatto e con ancora il suo profumo addosso.

Lui non ci aveva messo più piede, in quella casa, troppo di lei all'interno, viverci ancora significava impazzire.

I ragazzi avevano notato da tempo che era cambiato ancor di più, usciva solo per gli impegni del gruppo e l'idea di fare shopping non lo entusiasmava più come prima. Namjoon, consapevole della sua situazione, convinceva gli altri a non insistere con domande troppo intime.

Sentiva gli occhi di Jimin sempre fissi sulla sua schiena, il più grande aveva intuito.

«Dunque è qui che vieni» la voce alle sue spalle lo fece trasalire.

«Jimin-Hyung, cosa ci fai qui?».

L'altro si limitò ad osservare l'ambiente circostante, la casa era molto spaziosa e luminosa, sui toni del bianco e del lilla, femminile. Non era stata arredata da Taehyung.

Lo stile era troppo semplice e delicato.

«Non dici nulla sul tuo stato, ti ho seguito e non te ne sei nemmeno accorto. E hai lasciato la porta aperta. È preoccupante».

Taehyung si innervosì, non voleva il suo Hyung lì dentro, anche se si trattava di uno dei suoi più cari amici, quel luogo apparteneva a loro. Il nido d'amore condiviso per anni, senza che mai nessun estraneo entrasse a farne parte. Jimin probabilmente lesse i suoi pensieri.

«Non è solo tua questa casa, tu ci vivevi con qualcuno, ed è sempre per questo qualcuno che ultimamente sei così scostante».

A poco a poco, tutti lo avrebbero scoperto, perché proprio ora? Perché quando non ce n'era più bisogno?

Sempre per colpa sua, non era stato corretto con nessuno. Era solo felice, e aveva dimenticato di condividere la sua felicità – il motivo della sua felicità – al di fuori della sua bolla di sapone, che alla fine era irrimediabilmente esplosa.

Aprì le braccia, esausto.

«Sì, qualcuno viveva qui con me. Ci siamo lasciati e ne soffro moltissimo perché continuo ad amarla e non so dove possa essere adesso, non so cosa stia facendo, se si stia frequentando con qualcuno. Ne ho completamente perso le tracce e vorrei semplicemente rimediare. E prima che tu dica qualcosa, non mi importerebbe se la gente cominciasse a parlare male di me, né che la nostra agenzia decidesse di buttarmi fuori per non far crollare i BTS a causa delle dure critiche. Ciò che fa più male è che riesco a capirlo solo adesso» finì il suo sfogo con gli occhi lucidi, Jimin lo guardò sorridente.

«Lo sospettavo, Tae. Non sei bravo con i segreti».

Il minore lo guardò sospettoso.

«Tanto ormai è finita, non dovete preoccuparvi» senza volerlo mise un broncio perfetto, che intenerì moltissimo l'uomo dalle labbra carnose.

«Non è finita, invece. Tu la ami ancora, non è da te arrenderti» gli ricordò, ma ormai nutriva ben poche speranze «Ti ricordo che noi siamo i BTS, promuoviamo l'amore nel mondo, noi per primi dobbiamo dare l'esempio. Amare noi stessi, Tae, e se ti faceva stare bene... devo continuare per forza?».

Una scintilla di speranza si accese nei suoi occhi scuri.

«Mi aiuterai?».

«Sei mio fratello, non ti lascio indietro».

«Santo cielo, oggi fa proprio caldo!» esclamò una sua collega, nonché amica. Una ragazza italiana, Eleonora il suo nome, con lo stesso carattere giocherellone di Taehyung. Il destino la voleva al fianco di persone aperte e solari evidentemente.

Il forte accento straniero la rendeva buffa davanti agli altri colleghi, che come lei la trovavano adorabile.

Sventolò uno foglio di carta mezzo stracciato, con su scritto vari appunti sulla struttura di un sito al quale stavano lavorando per una agenzia importante «Accendi la tv! Voglio vedere uno di quei programmi fighi, suuu! Questo posto è un mortorio! A saperlo mi sarei trasferita in Brasile» sbuffò la sua rossa amica, colore di capelli che molte donne – e anche uomini – le invidiavano.

«Detto, fatto» le rispose in cambio, accese il televisore e furono subito trasportate in un programma per Idol.

"Tipico della TV coreana" pensò, sperando di non imbattersi in un certo gruppo di notevole successo.

Non avrebbe retto la tensione, e non voleva perdere il controllo davanti ad Eleonora. Esatto, quando rivedeva il suo viso piangeva, si era pentita della sua scelta? Dannazione, sì.

E non c'entravano nulla cose come "ossessione" o simili. Semplicemente lo amava molto, ottima scelta un corno!

Se solo lo immaginava con un'altra ragazza impazziva. Un pensiero egoista, ma l'umano era fatto così, un peccatore nato. E adesso si ritrovava a desiderare che Taehyung non l'avesse mai lasciata andare, magari prendendola per le spalle, scuotendola fino a farle perdere persino la voglia di piangere, fin dentro l'anima.

- Diamo il benvenuto ad un gruppo conosciuto in tutto il mondo. Stiamo parlando proprio di loro, i BTS! Questi sette ragazzi partiranno presto per il loro tour mondiale, hanno appena rilasciato l'album "Love Yourself: Answer" poco dopo il rilascio di "Love Yourself: Tear". Sono un astro nascente e i loro fan li amano tantissimo, menti brillanti e amore nel cuore, questo fa di loro dei protettori per la nuova generazione -.

Guardò scioccata l'intervista, un'altra maledettissima intervista!

Ed erano tutti così felici, anche lui era felice. Sorrideva a trentadue denti e aspettava impaziente il suo turno per poter esprimere tutto l'affetto e l'amore che lo legava agli Army.

Lo guardò con malcelata rabbia, poteva sentire le sue guance scaldarsi e divenire rosso fuoco, le sue orecchie stavano fumando, ne era certa.

«Porca puttana, che figoni loro! No, d'accordo. Sono felice di essere venuta in Corea» le parole della sua amica la fecero innervosire di più, fin quando l'uomo biondo non parlò, lasciando finalmente uscire la sua meravigliosa voce profonda.

- Vorrei solo dire che inizieremo il nostro tour qui, a Seoul, spero vivamente che i nostri fan vivranno quei momenti insieme a noi con uno splendido sorriso in viso. C'è un'altra cosa che vorrei dire in realtà... ma questa è una sorpresa, qualcosa che ci farà capire quanto gli Army possano essere speciali –.

Finì di parlare con un sorrisetto che la mandò all'altro mondo. Era più bello, più maturo, ma quei capelli lo facevano sembrare un lecca lecca al doppio gusto, che gli donavano un'aria più bambinesca. Cosa che Taehyung non era, non più almeno.

Era cresciuto senza di lei in quei lunghi mesi.

Answer – Amarsi

Il momento era giunto, il concerto sarebbe iniziato tra meno di quindici minuti, guardò i ragazzi.

Tutti lo avevano appoggiato quando avevano saputo tutto, si erano arrabbiati perché tenuti allo scuro per troppo tempo, dando ragione a lei, ma gli avevano anche sorriso rassicuranti.

L'unico da convincere era stato Namjoon, come leader sentiva di aver dato il permesso ad una pazzia, i rischi erano tanti e il gruppo stava per essere messo in pericolo proprio durante l'inizio di un tour così importante. Ma Jimin era stato chiaro, quando si parlava d'amore il biondo angelo sapeva scegliere le parole giuste, toccando con delicatezza i cuori delle persone, era fiero di avere un amico così unico.

«Stai tranquillo, Taehyung. Noi siamo qui» gli canticchiò all'orecchio un Hoseok molto emozionato, stringendolo in un forte e caloroso abbraccio, neanche fosse stato lui il protagonista di quella vicenda.

«E il signor Sejin si occuperà del resto» aggiunse Jungkook, mostrando i suoi teneri incisivi da coniglietto, il loro Manager Sejin era un angelo in verità.

«Ragazzi, è ora» urlò Namjoon, richiamandoli per il loro saluto di gruppo prima di entrare in scena, acclamati dagli Army.

Taehyung sperò di farcela davvero, il suo sangue vibrava di speranza.

Quando suonarono alla sua porta era in tuta e giacca larga, tipico abbigliamento di quando stava in casa comoda a riposare per il giorno seguente, non si aspettava di ricevere ospiti, altrimenti non si sarebbe fatta trovare in quel modo sciatto.

Aprì la porta con cautela e ciò che vi trovò dietro la portò a richiuderla con violenza. Il cuore le pompava in una velocità inaudita.

Cosa ci faceva quell'uomo lì?

Riaprì con cautela, incontrando gli occhi straniti dell'uomo alto, molto alto.

Indossava fini occhiali tondi, aveva un taglio sbarazzino e indossava una camicia bianca con giacca e cravatta di colore nero, così come pantaloni e scarpe lucide.

"Un perfetto manager per un gruppo come il loro".

«Lei è la signorina ___ ___?» chiese con un tono composto, si ritrovò a sbattere le ciglia più e più volte.

«S-Sì, ha bisogno di qualcosa?».

Lo domandò più per cortesia ed educazione, quella visita era stata veramente troppo scioccante, cosa ci faceva lì Kim Sejin?

«Ho il compito di scortarla» disse semplicemente.

Un attimo. Scortarla dove? Perché proprio ora? Cosa stava succedendo?

Era tutto così assurdo!

«La prego di venire».

E lei accettò, senza logica, accettò. Taehyung poteva anche aver pensato di ucciderla per vendicarsi, ma se ne fregò della ragione. Uscì in tuta e giacca, non pensò a cambiarsi, non pensò a nulla quando l'uomo le aprì la porta del sedile posteriore, i vetri erano scuri, nessuno poteva vederla all'interno dell'auto.

Si sistemò come meglio poté, il suo corpo si era notevolmente irrigidito per la tensione, Sejin ogni tanto la guardava dallo specchietto, per accertarsi che non desse di matto molto probabilmente.

«Signorina, si sente bene?» si sentì chiedere. Cosa poteva rispondere? Una domanda abbastanza stupida in effetti; era tardi, le strade buie le davano un senso di oppressione, sola in una macchina con un uomo che conosceva solo di vista – e che sapeva il suo indirizzo senza che lei glielo avesse dato – e la stava portando chissà dove. D'un tratto si pentì della sua scelta e iniziò a guardare con insistenza la testa del guidatore, sperando in un qualcosa che la portasse a scappare.

"Dopotutto... se facciamo un incidente muore solo il conducente" pensò con stupidità, ricordando i suoi anni di studio in Italia, dove i ragazzi erano soliti dire quella frase per far arrabbiare l'autista del bus, che a un certo punto si ritrovava anche a cacciarli.

Si diede della cretina, non poteva aver pensato sul serio ad una cattiveria come quella.

Il sorriso di Sejin la colse impreparata, i suoi occhi erano socchiusi, ma attenti alla guida. Ora cosa gli prendeva?

«Taehyung ci ha parlato di lei, è bello sapere che in questi anni ha avuto qualcuno su cui contare anche nel privato. Noi dipendenti facciamo quel che possiamo per i nostri ragazzi, non è mai molto purtroppo».

Abbassò gli occhi sulle sue ginocchia, non era vero. Lei era scappata, quelle parole le fecero parecchio male. Saperlo solo dopo che se n'era andata fu una pugnalata al petto.

«Non credo di essere ancora adatta per Taehyung, mi guardi. Gli ho solo provocato sofferenza, sono profondamente imbarazzata. Non dovrei nemmeno essere qui» mormorò a testa china.

Sejin si fece più serio «La vita di un ragazzo famoso è difficile, molto difficile. Sono al suo fianco dall'inizio; l'ho visto cadere, farsi male, piangere. Tutte le volte si è rialzato con un sorriso, le cicatrici sono ancora lì, ma da quelle ha imparato come muoversi in questo mondo. Voi siete giovani, è più facile sbagliare, ma è importante rimediare. Solo quello conta, lei vuole rimediare?» le lanciò un'occhiata profonda, ne rimase stupefatta.

Sì, maledizione, voleva rimediare!

L'auto si fermò, così come il suo respiro.

"Olympic Stadium".

Erano al concerto, l'ansia che fino a poco tempo prima era stata attenuata, riprese possesso del suo corpo e i piedi si fecero di piombo. Non si accorse nemmeno di Sejin che aprì la porta e la prese per un braccio, facendola uscire quasi a forza, né si rese conto dell'entrata a quello stesso edificio, riservata allo staff.

Molte ragazze si girarono a guardarla, così come i due omoni ai lati di una porticina che portava, probabilmente, ai camerini. I loro sguardi duri non le piacevano, ma non dissero nulla quando Sejin mostrò una carta per farsi riconoscere, ottenendo l'accesso.

Si fermarono davanti ad una porta con su scritto il nome del gruppo in oro, deglutì disperata. Era proprio un coniglio.

«Entri qui dentro. Guardi il televisore, è già sintonizzato» le disse con una nota di mistero nella voce, fu lasciata sola così. Aprì con un tremore alla mano la porta bianca, fissò con attenzione il nuovo spazio che le si presentava.

C'erano dei divanetti dello stesso colore della porta, sembravano veramente soffici. Ai lati della stanza erano presenti specchi e sedie, su dei tavolini c'era l'occorrente per acconciature e make-up. Sollevò il viso verso il televisore, cercò un telecomando per alzare il volume e fece come le aveva detto di fare Sejin, guardare con attenzione.

C'erano fan ovunque, ovunque.

Acclamavano i loro amati ragazzi, i quali si muovevano con potenza e sinuosità su quel palco. Erano loro a comandare. Gli sguardi carichi di determinazione la lasciarono senza fiato, erano gli stessi ragazzi sorridenti nelle interviste?

L'occhio le cadde inevitabilmente su Taehyung, V.

Era magnifico, fiero come un leone, il Re della savana. Lanciava sguardi che avrebbe definito illegali alle telecamere, e le fan lo adoravano. Lo chiamavano trepidanti, in attesa di essere notate, e quando ciò avveniva lui sorrideva con gioia e passione. I suoi capelli sudati si incollarono alla base del collo e all'attaccatura della fronte, dandogli un aspetto ancora più selvaggio.

Quello era V dei BTS, il camaleonte. Colui che cambiava personalità in un batter di ciglia. Gli occhi le si inumidirono, l'uomo che popolava la sua vita era lì, a pochi metri da lei.

Mentre ballava sulle note di I'm Fine si sentiva il corpo in fiamme. Guardava con amore i volti di tutti i suoi fan, immaginando la persona che ora stava aspettando nel suo camerino. Sejin era apparso da dietro le quinte, con un veloce "ok" che lo aveva mandato in fibrillazione. Lei era lì, lì per lui.

Varie sensazioni si fecero strada in lui; ansia, paura, felicità, amore. Le unì e ciò che ne uscì fu solo potenza nelle sue gambe, voleva dare il meglio quella sera, gli sguardi dei suoi compagni erano infuocati quasi quanto il suo.

"Questo sarà un giorno da ricordare".

«Army, vi siete divertiti insieme a noi?» la voce potente del leader destò gli animi del pubblico, il quale si liberò in un alto coro di esclamazioni felici ed emozionate. I ragazzi erano completamente sfiniti e sudati, ma soddisfatti del loro operato. Centinaia e centinaia di volti li guardavano con meraviglia, ogni volta era sempre una gioia per i BTS scorgere quelle espressioni, ne andavano più che fieri, i loro fan li amavano e ciò accese ancor di più Taehyung, più intenzionato che mai a mettere fine a quella spirale di indecisione e timore.

Voleva essere felice, amandosi, e per ciò doveva essere sincero non solo con sé stesso, ma anche con tutti quei fan che avevano sostenuto il suo gruppo, sperando di ricevere altro sostegno.

Lanciò un veloce sguardo a Namjoon, il quale annuì con serietà, dandogli il suo consenso, i ragazzi si strinsero le mani.

Cominciò a parlare con un tremore alla voce.

«Army...» venne interrotto da un boato di urla che lo portarono a sorridere «Sono sempre stato convinto che il rapporto che ci lega è nettamente diverso da quello di altri fan con i loro artisti, lo abbiamo detto anche più di una volta. Siamo una famiglia, ci amiamo, ci proteggiamo a vicenda, cerchiamo di amare noi stessi insieme a voi. È inutile ribadirlo, ma per me è necessario. Siamo stati insieme in questo lungo cammino, tra dolore e gioia, siamo arrivati fin qui solo grazie a voi. Sono sicuro che continueremo a stringerci la mano come abbiamo sempre fatto. BTS e Army, due parti che combaciano perfettamente tra loro».

Altre urla popolarono lo stadio, molte ragazze cominciarono a piangere, altre tenevano accesi i cellulari per registrare. Deglutì con fatica, ora arrivava la parte difficile. Jimin e Yoongi gli andarono vicini, cercando di farlo sciogliere un po', ne aveva proprio bisogno.

«Proprio per questo amore e affetto che ci lega, io vi chiedo di capirmi» come una reazione a catena tutti si zittirono di colpo «Io non sono solo un idol, non sono solo V dei BTS. Io sono anche Kim Taehyung, un ragazzo umano che prova delle emozioni, certo, questo lo sapete, ma non è una cosa da poco. Proprio come ogni ragazzo umano, mi sono innamorato di una persona per me molto speciale, con la quale ho sofferto, pianto e riso. La metà di Taehyung, non di V» esclamazioni sorprese dalla folla, ma continuò senza più freni «Non sto dicendo che vi amo meno, è impossibile per me non amarvi, come ho già fatto capire con il discorso precedente. Ma mettetevi nei miei panni, come vi sentireste se qualcuno vi proibisse di amare liberamente? Suppongo male, veramente male. E come abbiamo sempre detto, noi dei BTS abbiamo il compito di rendervi felici, come voi fate felici noi ogni giorno. Continuerete a renderci felici, accettandoci per quel che siamo e per quel che faremo?».

La domanda rimase sospesa nell'aria, tutti tacevano.

Jimin si inginocchiò sul palco, seguito da Namjoon. Seokjin ed Hoseok tenevano le mani premute sulla bocca, Yoongi guardava le fan a braccia conserte, nessuna espressione lo tradiva, mentre Jungkook batteva ripetutamente il piede sulla superficie lucida del palco.

Taehyung avvertiva tutto ovattato, sentì la testa farsi leggera e improvvisamente si udì battere le mani da un punto imprecisato delle tribune, seguito da un altro, e un altro, e un altro punto ancora, finché non si udirono nient'altro che urla e applausi.

Vide molte ragazze nelle prime file con i volti rigati dalle lacrime, ma degli enormi sorrisi adornavano i loro volti, improvvisamente tutto il peso che sentiva sul petto svanì, così com'era venuto.

Sapeva che non era finita, bisognava affrontare le critiche e le malelingue, ma i suoi Army erano lì, ad urlare il suo nome, incitandolo con forza a non abbattersi mai, loro sarebbero stati con lui.

Namjoon sorrise, mettendo in mostra le sue adorabili fossette.

"I BTS e gli Army ancora una volta insieme".

Continuò a guardare lo schermo del televisore con gli occhi che bruciavano, pianse per la commozione e l'amore che provava per quel ragazzo così unico e adorabile.

Nonostante la sofferenza a cui era stato sottoposto in quei mesi aveva trovato il coraggio di dire in diretta, pubblicamente, che era innamorato e chiedeva ai suoi fan di capirlo e accettarlo così com'era, un essere umano, non solo un idol.

Si era aspettata di tutto, urla rabbiose da parte di quelle persone, magari sarebbe scappato anche qualche insulto. Ma nulla di tutto ciò si era presentato. Il pubblico aveva riservato solo tanto affetto, come mai prima d'ora. Forse era vero, gli Army erano speciali e i BTS sette ragazzi fortunati e meravigliosi.

Vide il concerto fino alla fine, rimanendo seduta lì, con il cuore gonfio nel petto, in attesa del confronto finale, quello che avrebbe definitivamente deciso la tappa finale della loro storia.

Non era ancora finita.

Rimase fermo a scannerizzare la porta, entrare o aspettare?

Non la vedeva da poco più di un anno, sarebbe stato strano?

La testa gli scoppiava, aveva appena superato un ostacolo enorme, i suoi fan avevano compreso la sua scelta. Purtroppo non tutti gli idol avranno la sua stessa fortuna, ma doveva andare avanti giungendo finalmente ad una fine.

Lei era lì, dentro quel camerino ad attenderlo. Si era spogliato di tutto, finalmente poteva guardarla a testa alta e dire "Adesso possiamo vivere alla luce del sole".

Qualcuno bisbigliò alle sue spalle.

«Cosa fai ancora lì? Entra! Al vecchio Bang ci pensiamo noi» disse Hoseok, mentre Yoongi e Namjoon annuivano con forza.

«Allora vado?» chiese, improvvisamente intimidito, e Jungkook gli strizzò un fianco con forza.

«Vai!».

Massaggiando la povera zona maltrattata aprì piano, senza farsi sentire. Inizialmente non la vide, la stanza gli sembrò vuota e una sensazione amara lo colpì dritto nello stomaco, poi però sentì un singhiozzo mal trattenuto e sgranò gli occhi.

Eccola, davanti ad uno degli specchi, intenta a tamponarsi un fazzoletto sugli occhi, la squadrò con una nuova emozione che si fece strada nel suo petto; tenerezza.

La trovò tenerissima vestita con un'orrenda tuta dall'accecante colore arancione e una giacca larghissima che le scendeva oltre i fianchi, tipico abbigliamento da casa che aveva avuto l'onore di prendere in giro, quando ancora stavano insieme e le preoccupazioni erano affossate sotto enormi mattoni di incertezza e paura. I capelli erano legati in una disordinata treccia laterale, vide chiaramente i suoi tratti, erano corrucciati in un'espressione di angoscia, forse dovuta all'ansia di rivederlo.

Con la lingua secca sussurrò il suo nome, lei si voltò.

Il tempo sembrò fermarsi per entrambi, nessuno dei due riuscì a parlare, ma nei loro occhi si fece spazio la consapevolezza che no, non potevano stare divisi ancora un altro po', avevano aspettato anche troppo.

Proprio per questo quando lei corse verso di lui con un gridolino strozzato, la accolse prontamente tra le sue grandi braccia, stringendola con forza e respirandone l'odore fresco e pulito, circondando il suo corpo con facilità e gioia.

«Mi dispiace, mi dispiace, mi dispiace» cominciò a dirgli, tra le lacrime che non riuscì a fermare in tempo.

«Dispiace a me, credimi» le disse all'orecchio, ma la ragazza scosse la testa.

«È colpa mia, dovevi andare avanti piuttosto che pensare ad una come me» mormorò con il viso affondato nel tessuto della giacca, che stava bagnando «Non so nemmeno perché sono qui».

«Sei qui perché mi ami, non puoi fare a meno di me. Ammettilo» le disse in tono scherzoso, ma anche affettuoso. Si guadagnò un piccolo schiaffo sul braccio.

«Non sto scherzando, Taehyung. Sono stata una stronza».

«Sei stata una stronza» ammise candidamente, lei fece una smorfia dispiaciuta «Ma ho capito proprio per questo i miei errori, ci ho messo molto, ma ho preso coraggio e ora siamo qui. Adesso tutti sapranno che stiamo insieme, potremo passeggiare all'aria aperta senza paura di beccare un giornalista impiccione che sveli il nostro segreto, molti ci giudicheranno, sono pur sempre un membro del gruppo più famoso al mondo, ma saremo insieme ad affrontare tutto, con noi ci saranno anche i ragazzi, vogliono conoscerti» le prese una mano tra le sue, la baciò leggermente con adorazione «Potevo scegliere una strada più facile, come hai detto tu... ho avuto la possibilità di andare avanti, gettare la nostra storia alle spalle e continuare a ricevere amore incondizionato dai miei fan. Ma io ho scelto te, continuerò a farlo perché sono un idiota, lo dico apertamente, ho sofferto, ma sceglierei sempre te. Poco fa ho dato il massimo per arrivare fin qui, da te. Voglio darti una vera vita al mio fianco ___ ___. Accetti?».

Cosa doveva rispondere a quel ragazzo così sfacciato e bambinesco?

Guardò quei suoi occhioni scuri e dalle lunghe ciglia, dannazione, lo amava da morire.

«Kim Taehyung, non mi stai ancora baciando. Si può sapere cosa aspetti? Non guardi mai film d'amore, te l'ho detto mille volte che sono important-».

Con un sorriso leggero e divertito le tappò immediatamente la bocca, lasciando spazio solo a quel dolce contatto, sentire ancora una volta quelle labbra sulle sue era come rivivere, dopo un secolo passato a vagabondare, lo stesso fu per lei che le schiuse, lasciandogli il permesso di approfondire, saggiandone i contorni, la morbidezza, il sapore.

«Rimani il solito cretino, Kim» sussurrò a fior di labbra, ancora non del tutto lontane da quelle umide del suo ragazzo,il quale ghignò. Consapevole di averla in pugno.

«Zitta e continua, stai parlando troppo e dobbiamo recuperare mesi e mesi di inattività» e la attirò a sé, stringendola per la vita.

«Ti accompagno a casa piuttosto, abbiamo molte cose da dirci».

Che diavolo tentatore.

Sospirò, riprendendo ad abbracciarlo, assaporando ancora una volta il suo calore, facendosi cullare dalla sua stretta, mentre un pensiero la faceva sorridere.

" Sono la sua scelta".

Nessuno dei due capì esattamente chi aveva dato inizio a quel vortice di baci bisognosi e respiri affannati.

Non avevano nemmeno avuto il tempo di accendere le luci in casa, troppo occupati a cercarsi con le mani e gli occhi. Taehyung aveva liquidato tutti, adesso voleva semplicemente prendersi del tempo per dedicarlo a lei, anzi, a loro.

«Andiamo in stanza» gli disse tra un bacio e l'altro, Taehyung scosse la testa.

«Non credo che ci arriveremo» mormorò sulla pelle del suo collo privo di imperfezioni, premurandosi di mordicchiarlo con cura e pazienza, lasciando alcuni segni rossi lucidi della sua saliva, un respiro strozzato le uscì dalle labbra in risposta.

Non ci mise molto a sollevarla, trovando la lucidità di portarla almeno sul tappeto del salotto.

Si allontanò quel poco che bastava per ammirarla completamente, il petto si abbassava e sollevava con rapidità, il collo era esposto e i capelli erano ormai una massa disordinata sparsa sul pavimento, la ragazza si puntellò sui gomiti e aprì le gambe, in modo da farlo stare più comodo.

«Non te l'ho detto prima, ma questa giacca è orribile» sogghignò, prima di sfilarglierla con estrema semplicità, come abituato a quel teatrino «E questa canotta? Troppo aderente, non va affatto bene» ringhiò imbronciato, passando le mani sul suo ventre e sul petto, toccando con delizia e possessività quelle forme tonde prive di reggiseno. Agganciò due dita ai bordi di quel sottile pezzo di stoffa, scoprendo poco a poco ogni centimetro di quella pelle divina che lo faceva impazzire ogni volta, lei gli era mancata, ma gli era mancato anche il suo corpo sul quale annegava ogni forma di pensiero e desiderio.

Lei ridacchiò «Sembri arrabbiato» sussurrò leggera.

«Non sono arrabbiato, sono arrapa-».

«Taehyung!».

Lui sorrise con scioltezza, prima di liberarla definitivamente da quel pezzo di stoffa, e avere una visuale molto più seducente, una visione, aveva sempre avuto un'ossessione per quelle perle rosate che stavano alla punta dei suoi seni. Non perse tempo a prenderne una in bocca, modellandola con facilità contro il palato, girandoci intorno con la lingua umida e calda, mandandole brividi lungo la schiena che la portarono ad alzare il bacino, scontrandosi contro i fianchi del ragazzo, che gemette in risposta, inducendolo a ripetere quel movimento che alla fine scaldò ulteriormente i loro corpi.

Abbandonò il capezzolo ormai turgido per dedicarsi al resto del suo corpo, scendendo sempre più in basso, lasciando una scia di baci bollenti fino al suo ombelico, a cui si dedicò con cura.

Lei dal suo canto sentiva il suo corpo fatto di gelatina, avere le mani del suo uomo dappertutto non era cosa da poco, sentiva di perdere la testa e l'attesa aumentava il desiderio di unirsi a lui.

Con delicatezza Taehyung fece scendere i pantaloni della tua fino alle caviglie, di cui lei si liberò ben presto scalciando. Le lunghe ed eleganti dita si mossero leggere verso l'elastico delle sue mutandine, ma deviò direzione e questo la fece sbuffare.

«Stai giocando, Tae?» la voce che le uscì non era certamente sua, era graffiante, nervosa, decisamente infastidita.

Il sorriso squadrato del ragazzo arrivò puntuale come un orologio svizzero.

«Forse».

«F-Forse?».

La sua faccia doveva essere veramente comica, perché il ragazzo scoppiò improvvisamente a ridere, abbassò il viso e le schioccò un bacio a stampo, per poi spostarsi verso il suo orecchio «Sto scherzando, piccola. Non sono così cattivo, Jimin lo è» le sue parole la tranquillizzarono, non capì il riferimento a Jimin, ma non le importò.

«Dimostrami che non ti sei arrugginito, piccolo» gli soffiò in faccia, portando la sua intimità contro la sua dolorosa e pulsante erezione, gli occhi di Taehyung si fecero più scuri.

Le tolse finalmente anche le mutandine, lasciandola completamente nuda sotto di sé, e si abbassò verso la sua femminilità, dandole quel piacere che ormai agognava da troppo tempo.

La trovò calda e bagnata, con le dita sfiorò quelle pieghe umide e calde, tastò con la lingua il suo sapore, finché non trovò il clitoride, ci girò intorno stuzzicandone la morbidezza, così facendo delle profonde scariche di piacere la colpirono duramente.

«Mh-ah!» contrasse le dita e gli afferrò con forza i capelli, spingendolo di più contro la sua femminilità, alla ricerca disperata di qualcosa.

Taehyung intensificò la presa, e si permise di penetrarla con un dito, era morbida e cedevole, completamente sottomessa alle sue azioni, perché prese a muovere il bacino contro la sua bocca famelica, mormorando parole indistinguibili, il qualcosa si avvicinò sempre di più dopo che aggiunse un secondo dito alla sua entrata, i sospiri andavano via via ad accelerare a causa della potenza di quelle sensazioni.

Scoppiò in un lungo e asfissiante gemito quando lo sentì mordicchiare dolcemente le sue pieghe, provocandole altre scariche di piacere più acute delle precedenti, ansimò incapace di fare altro e tutto il suo corpo si fece improvvisamente pesante e stanco. Taehyung finì la sua opera leccandole una scia di umori che gocciolò lungo le sue gambe tremanti.

Il ragazzo prese a spogliarsi con velocità disperata, mentre lei si risollevava, quasi sfinita ma desiderosa di ricambiare il piacere provato.

Ogni lembo di pelle scoperta rappresentava un nuovo bacio o una carezza incantata. Il fisico di Taehyung non era ben definito come quello di Jungkook o possente come quello di Jimin, eppure li eguagliava nella sua semplice normalità.

"È così carino..." pensò, andando a formare dei piccoli cerchi sulla pancia piatta e morbida, provocando nel ragazzo una piccola risatina, quanto le era mancata quella risata da bambino contento. Quando rialzò gli occhi, però, a guardarla non era un bambino, bensì un adulto in tutti i sensi, un adulto insoddisfatto che desiderava ricevere delle attenzioni particolari.

«Ora chi sta giocando?» mise un broncio adorabile, in contrasto con gli occhi che la guardavano quasi minacciosi.

«Lamentati per altro» rispose con un piccolo ghigno, quando infilò la mano sotto il tessuto dei suoi boxer e tastò l'eccitazione del ragazzo con dita fintamente timide. Le labbra solitamente sorridenti di Taehyung si assottigliarono, così come i suoi occhi, che preferì chiudere alla fine per assaporare al meglio la sensazione della sua stretta attorno all'erezione ben presente.

Lo liberò dai boxer, ormai divenuti solo un fastidio, e con la mano percorse tutta la sua lunghezza, carezzando con cura ogni centimetro, persa ad osservare le reazioni quasi impercettibili del suo uomo, il quale deglutì più di una volta, portando inconsapevolmente le dita ad arricciarsi, incapace di stare fermo un secondo.

La ragazza aumentò volutamente la velocità della sua azione continua, passando le dita anche sulla punta, ormai resa lucida dal liquido pre-eiaculatorio, e quando vide che il petto di Taehyung prese ad abbassarsi e alzarsi più velocemente, prese il suo membro in bocca, sollecitando con la lingua le parti più sensibili, portando il ragazzo a rilasciare gemiti sempre più forti e decisi. Era tutto così amplificato.

«Asp- aaah» la prese per i capelli e accompagnò con la mano ogni suo gesto, quasi perse il controllo quando la avvertì succhiare con decisione sulla punta, non fermando mai il movimento circolatorio della mano. Ma prima che potesse venire con un urlo strozzato riuscì a fermarla.

Non voleva arrivare all'orgasmo in quel modo, doveva possederla al più presto altrimenti la sua sanità mentale non avrebbe retto.

Non trovò nemmeno difficoltà a riprendere il controllo della situazione, lei ormai era totalmente presa dall'aspettativa e lo lasciò fare, si stava fidando di lui anche dopo molto tempo e questo significava molto per entrambi. Magari una coppia normale avrebbe atteso molto prima di tornare così intima, ma loro non erano mai stati una coppia normale e di certo non avrebbero cominciato ad esserlo ora. Quei mesi di totale pausa erano stati troppo lunghi, grigi e dolorosi. Non si sarebbero privati del calore che i loro corpi uniti sprigionavano, non più.

Così Taehyung entrò con una spinta lenta e moderata, fermandosi un attimo in quel modo. Chiuse gli occhi e posò la testa sulla spalla della sua metà, cercando di darsi un po' di controllo per non finire, perché volendo sarebbe venuto in quel preciso momento solo per aver sentito la sua eccitazione avvolta tra quelle membra calde.

La donna si irrigidì, cercando a sua volta di riabituarsi a quella presenza, rilassando così la stretta che stava diventando dolorosa per il ragazzo, ormai al limite e con i nervi a fior di pelle. Intenerita da quella vista, lasciò un lungo bacio sulla tempia imperlata di sudore del biondo, che a sentire quelle labbra morbide su di lui, rilasciò un lento sospiro. Riprendendo a muoversi.

Con una mano la tenne stretta a sé per i fianchi, mentre con l'altra le sollevò una gamba per ricevere maggior accesso alla sua intimità. Buttò la testa indietro, eccitato dai piccoli gemiti che sfuggivano dalle loro labbra e dai deliziosi brividi al basso ventre, respirò pesantemente dalle narici e spinse con più durezza tra quella carne cedevole. Le unghie della donna gli graffiarono leggermente la schiena, provocandogli la pelle d'oca.

«Tae...» mormorò esausta, andando incontro alle sue spinte lunghe e lente, cercando di aumentare il ritmo.

«Ho capito...» rispose, gli occhi si fecero liquidi e sollevò la ragazza verso il suo petto, aumentando finalmente la velocità e approfondendo sempre di più quel rapporto, torturò ancora una volta il capezzolo del seno sinistro e la baciò con forza, mischiando i loro sapori e facendo morire le sue urla su di lui.

Dal punto in cui le loro intimità si scontravano con violenza sempre maggiore, prese a crescere anche una forte sensazione di vertigine, i tremori erano sempre più vividi, così come il sudore sulla pelle e gli umori dovuti all'eccitazione che scendevano tranquillamente a bagnarli.

Taehyung spinse con più decisione e mancò per alcuni secondi il respiro ad entrambi.

Stringendo sempre di più la presa sui suoi fianchi, quasi a farle male ormai, il ragazzo venne dentro di lei dopo tre potenti spinte, ringhiando contro la sua pelle a causa della meravigliosa stretta che le pareti stavano esercitando sulla sua erezione, lei arrivò al suo apice pochi secondi dopo, grazie a quella sensazione di pienezza che le fece tremare violentemente le gambe, spingendo per un'ultima volta contro il suo corpo, ormai stanco e ansante, crollò su di lui abbracciandolo.

La stava guardando da una buona oretta ormai, era mattina presto e Taehyung si trovava nel letto, accanto a quella che poteva considerare ufficialmente la sua fidanzata.

Nemmeno sapeva dove aveva trovato lui stesso le forze per alzarsi, prenderla in braccio e trasportarla in camera dopo quella nottata, un concerto durato ore e poi quel rapporto tutt'altro che tranquillo non erano cosa da poco, ma per lei avrebbe fatto questo ed altro.

La donna si mosse, scoprendo un po' il suo corpo alla vista dell'altro, scostando di poco il sottile lenzuolo. Per quanto fosse tentato di svegliarla a modo suo, si costrinse a fare il bravo. La coprì di nuovo e lasciò una serie di piccoli baci sulla guancia lasciata ben visibile. Averla di nuovo davanti ai suoi occhi era molto meglio, immaginarla non era niente in confronto, un leggero broncio segnò il suo viso.

La preoccupazione era sempre ben presente, in verità. Oltre quelle ciglia lunghe si nascondeva una bambina, in realtà. E le critiche del web non sarebbero tardate ad arrivare, soprattutto contro di lei.

Taehyung lo aveva notato benissimo, quando scoppiava uno scandalo del genere era sempre la donna a prendersi la maggior parte degli insulti, l'uomo veniva semplicemente compatito e trattato come il coglione di turno che si era fatto tentare dall'infido serpente, un peso sul petto crebbe in lui.

Allungò il braccio e le sfiorò il viso ancora una volta. L'amava, ma avrebbero sopportato i problemi insieme?

«Mi stai ancora fissando, Taehyung?» la voce suonò roca a causa del sonno, la ragazza aprì gli occhi con lentezza «Non vado da nessuna parte, non più» sussurrò.

Il ragazzo sorrise arrossendo un po'.

"Beccato".

«Ancora non ci credo, sei qui» mormorò lui, stringendole la mano.

«Sei preoccupato, non è da te».

«È una situazione totalmente diversa. Non si tratta di sbagliare una coreografia, la mia scelta potrebbe rovinarci la vita. Tu conosci le Sasaeng? Sono delle fan tremende, io non né ho mai conosciute, ma cosa succederebbe se-».

«Ehi!» esclamò, per bloccarlo «Prendi un respiro, dannazione. Non posso sentirti parlare così, non dopo il coraggio dimostrato su quel palco! In più, la scelta è anche mia, quindi nostra. io non sarò da sola, tanto meno tu».

Ecco, si stava facendo prendere dal panico, di nuovo. Pensò ai suoi compagni, alla sua famiglia e ai suoi fan che gli hanno dimostrato sempre tanto amore, tirò un profondo respiro.

«Hai ragione, devo stare calmo. Non siamo soli».

Lei gli sorrise apertamente.

«E poi... ti ho promesso una relazione alla luce del sole, io non mi rimangio le parole, voglio stare davvero con te».

La ragazza avvertì un nodo in gola, gli occhi le si riempirono di lacrime.

Quanto aveva atteso per sentirgli dire quel genere di parole? Tanto, davvero tanto.

Il ragazzo la abbracciò ancora una volta, cercando di bloccare in qualche modo i singulti che le scuotevano le spalle. Non potevano credere di essere insieme, ancora una volta.

Il telefono del ragazzo squillò da un'altra stanza, provocando un pesante e sfinito sospiro da parte di entrambi. Taehyung si alzò nella più completa nudità per andare a rispondere.

«Mi stai guardando?».

«Hai un bel sedere, devo guardarlo».

Il biondo ghignò «Solo quello?».

«VAI A RISPONDERE!» gli urlò dietro, lanciandogli dietro un cuscino, un po' rossa in viso per le lacrime e l'imbarazzo.

Taehyung controllò lo schermo, era Jimin.

< Tae, ti stiamo aspettando! >.

< Arrivo, Hyung. Dammi il tempo di rivestirmi e arrivo >.

< Rivestirti? ... aah, ho capito... quindi, insomma- >.

Il ragazzo sbuffò con divertimento, certo che il suo Hyung era proprio tardo.

< Sì, hai capito bene e... vorrei farvela conoscere, abbiamo ancora tempo? >.

< MA CERTO! ERA ANCHE ORA, DANNAZIONE! >.

Taehyung sgranò gli occhi, era Jin-Hyung quello che gli aveva praticamente strillato nelle orecchie?

Sentì improvvisamente bisbigliare in modo concitato, e un dubbio gli attraversò la mente.

< Jimin... hai messo il vivavoce? >.

La risposta tardò un po' ad arrivare.

"Pettegole tremende, ma pur sempre pettegole".

< No. Cosa te lo fa cred... - Venne interrotto da un violento starnuto - ... Namjoon-Hyung! >.

< D'accordo, ci sentiamo dopo. Bye ~~ >.

< Tae, un momento! >.

Chiuse immediatamente la chiamata, correndo in camera.

Entrò di nuovo in tutta la sua gloriosa nudità, prendendosi anche un degno insulto dalla sua fidanzata, e con un enorme sorriso le disse di prepararsi.

«Andiamo? Dove?» la voce si fece un po' insicura, facile parlare, ma per i fatti ce ne passava tempo.

«Non guardarmi come un cane bastonato, non sarai più una semplice parentesi per me» le disse, ricordando benissimo che in precedenza l'aveva trattata più come un passatempo che una persona.

«I miei amici vogliono conoscerti, e... un attimo, anche tu vuoi. No?» la guardò improvvisamente spaesato, stava di nuovo decidendo per entrambi?

Lei scoppiò a ridere «Ovvio che voglio conoscerli, hai sempre detto che sono la tua famiglia, mi farebbe piacere spettegolare di te con quelli che consideri fratelli» sogghignò, mentre si alzava per prendere alcuni capi dell'armadio. Taehyung la strinse da dietro.

«Oh, bene ~~ Loro sono molto pettegoli, in effetti. Ti troverai bene» e la baciò teneramente sulla guancia.

Quattro anni dopo...

«Cazzo, sei bellissima» si lasciò sfuggire Jimin, subito preso violentemente a sgomitate da Seokjin «No! Hyung, dico solo il vero!».

Effettivamente era così, la ragazza sorrise ai suoi più cari amici attraverso lo specchio. Non c'era voluto molto per abituarsi a quel gruppo di scalmanati coinquilini. I BTS erano proprio come si mostravano in televisione; semplici, genuini e divertenti.

Per quanto riguardava Bang PD nim, rimproverò duramente Taehyung, si era azzardato a prendere una simile decisione senza prima consultarlo, e con lui anche Namjoon si prese le sue responsabilità in quando Leader. Ma vedendo la reazione in buona parte positiva, da parte dei fan, permise la loro relazione senza troppe complicazioni.

Adesso, fasciata da un elaborato e delicato abito bianco dallo scollo a cuore, era intenta a raggiungere il suo futuro marito all'altare.

Seokjin si asciugò velocemente una lacrima scesa a tradimento.

«Ti ho visto!» ridacchiò, il maggiore rise a sua volta.

«Non sto piangendo, ho solo pensato che tu e Taehyung vi state sposando prima di me, tutto qui» e tirò su col naso. Jimin commentò con un basso "Hyung, sei imbarazzante".

«Yah! Vai dagli altri in chiesa tu» strillò, buttandolo fuori quasi a calci, riuscendoci «Quel moccioso deve imparare a stare al suo posto» ringhiò, mettendosi a posto la giacca scura.

Venne richiamato dalla sposa, che gli chiese di unire le loro mani. Lei e Seokjin avevano legato immediatamente, l'uomo desiderava conoscerla da tempo ormai, rivelandosi così un caro amico.

«Ti voglio bene, Seokjinie».

«Te ne voglio anch'io, piccola. Qualunque cosa accada avvisami durante il viaggio, soprattutto se Taehyung vomita. Yoongi ha fatto aggiungere le ostriche al menù e per quanto piacciano a quel cretino del tuo ragazzo, gli fanno male».

Scoppiò a ridere davanti all'espressione schifata di lei.

«Non ti prometto nulla, Jin».

«Mi va comunque bene così, sono felice che ci sia tu a sostenerlo. In questi anni sei stata tu la sua colonna portante, e lasciamo stare il detto "Dietro un grande uomo, c'è sempre una grande donna", perché non sei mai stata dietro di lui. Hai preso il tuo posto al suo fianco e vi siete tenuti per mano anche durante i momenti più critici. Vorrei che ci fosse una tua copia anche per me» le sorrise e si abbracciarono.

«Devi solo cercare, Seokjin. Sono sicura che è dietro l'angolo, devi solo pensare un po' a te stesso» qualcuno bussò con forza alla porta.

«Insomma, siamo pronti?! Yeontan ha già fatto la pipì sul tappeto dell'entrata alla chiesa, Taehyung invece sta tartassando il parroco con domande inappropriate ad un uomo di fede e Namjoon è in compagnia di Eleonora, devo dire altro?!».

Scoppiarono a ridere ad immaginare una simile scena.

«D'accordo, ti lascio con i tuoi adesso. Non vorrei trovarmi tra le grinfie di tua nonna, quella signora è anche fin troppo affezionata a me» le comunicò, ripensando alle mani arzille della anziana che premevano contro il suo fondoschiena, palpando tutto quel "ben di Dio", come le piaceva dire.

Arrivò all'altare quasi svenendo, lei e Taehyung avevano deciso di comune accordo per una piccola e intima cerimonia, così da non fare troppa confusione, il problema era uno solo. Niente confusione, nessuna distrazione. Così il cuore le batteva nel petto peggio di un martello pneumatico impostato alla massima velocità. Deglutì con forza, sorridendo rigidamente davanti al cameraman che stava filmando le sue nozze.

Non doveva farsi prendere dal panico, ma è quando incontrò il sorriso a trentadue denti di Taehyung che si sentì svenire definitivamente. Era meraviglioso, i capelli lunghi e scuri erano perfetti, gli incorniciavano il viso con dolcezza e l'espressione di amore che le rivolgeva era un toccasana per il suo stato.

Si presero per mano con leggerezza, un gesto naturale per loro due, e ascoltarono ciò che il prete aveva da dire.

Non furono le promesse a farle mancare il respiro, nemmeno il suo Sì mozzato a causa del respiro veloce, ma bensì ciò che Taehyung le disse dopo, con uno sguardo intenso, ripetendo ciò che anni prima le aveva detto quella notte.

«Sei tu la mia scelta».

#bts smut #smut #bts #fem reader #smut kth #kim taehyung #kim taehyung smut #taehyung x reader #bts x reader #bts fanfction #bts kim taehyung smut #bts romance #bts fanfic

[btsugarush]

I’ll Make You A Star | kth [m.list]

❝do you want to be a fucking star?❞

summary: an aspired singer gets more than she bargains for when she meets a music manager in the making, who’s methods to make her famous become a bit unorthodox and unsettling.

pairings: manager!taehyung x aspired singer!f!reader.

warnings: smut, tattooed!taehyung, manipulation, abuse, drug usage, drug addiction, possessive behavior, angst, strong language, 18+, minors dni.

author’s note: yes i write for more than just jungkook and yoongi y’all. i love me some tae, especially a tae with tattoos. 😮‍💨 coming soon, but not too soon.

©btsugarush. please do not repost.

000 |

#kth #kth x reader #taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung x you #kim taehyung #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung x you #kim taehyung x y/n #bts taehyung #bts tae tae #bts kim taehyung #bts fic #bts x reader #bts smut #kim taehyung smut #taehyung smut #bts fanfic #bts v #v x reader #bts v x reader #bts au fic #bts au fanfic #bts au

[kingofbodyrolls]

Taehyung fic recs 2023

In honor of Taehyung’s birthday, I want to share my ultimate favorite Taehyung fanfictions, that I’ve read this year 💜I haven’t read that much of Taehyung, just recently gotten into it, so the list might be short, so I’ll leave some of the fics I’m really excited to read from my ‘to read’ list 💎 I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹

❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell or contains dark themes, so minors dni.❗ 

If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂

BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (ksj)(💜) |

Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, yandere = 😈, thriller/dark = 👻. 

⭐One of the Boys by @littlemisskookie // kth x f.reader // childhoodfriends!au, slice of life, bestfriends!au, neighbors!au, high school!au // 🌩️🥵🥰

📝 All your life you wanted only one thing- for Kim Taehyung to like you. You did everything you could to make this happen, from picking up his hobbies and rejecting anything feminine. But who do you start to become when you stop trying to impress him?

🗨️ Woaw! This was so incredibly good, it’s almost hard to describe, but I’ll try: it does a brilliant job at setting the story up, following oc and Taehyung since childhood, and how their friendship develops over time (and their feelings). It’s really cute and funny and with great smut at the end. Overall a brilliantly good read 💯

⭐Baby, Oh Baby by @jungkookiebus // kth x f.reader // established relationship, noneidol!au // 🥵🥰

📝 Taehyung and you have been trying for months to get pregnant; you’ve tried crazy diets, stuck to your calendar, got him to diet, but it’s all been for nothing. No matter how healthy your doctor says you are, you can’t conceive. Taehyung tries everything within his power to show you that everything is going to be okay and for one night he makes you forget all about the calendars, schedules, and all the crazy things that came with you trying to have a baby. 

🗨️ This was just really cute and loving 🥹The smut was also just ❤️‍🔥💯

⭐Baby Maker by @kookslastbutton // kth x f.reader // marriage!au // 🥵🥰

📝 You're pissed at your husband for being late to your weekly baby-making sessions.

🗨️ Aish, the smut in this 🔥Also all the dirty talk really had me going 🥵

⭐Under wraps by @jungkxook // kth x f.reader // e2l, fake dating // 🥵🥰

📝 There’s nothing you and taehyung seem to hate more than each other - except for christmas. having recently been dumped by your (now ex) boyfriend only seems to make this holiday even worse. but when taehyung suggests that you should pretend to be dating each other to save you both the embarrassment, pity, and bothersome questions from family and friends alike for a fun carefree month of celebrations, you can’t possibly say no.

🗨️ I just love me some good enemies to lovers AU 🥵 the relationship between OC and tae is really good, I think the tension between them was well built 👏🏾 I loved how their relationship unfolded and grew through their fake dating 🥹 the way OC realized she had feelings for him, but he had showed her before in his subtle moves, how much more he relaxed in her presence. I loved the interaction between oc and tae’s parents too, the way that they could obviously tell that OC was head over heels 😂 ah just, It was really really good! It was funny, it was comforting, and such a lovely read around Christmas! And the smut was sweet and tender (also hot!) 😍 a really great fic that I’ll add to my Christmas re-reads for years to come ✨ I loved it! Please go read it if you haven’t already 🥹

⭐Farmer boy, I Love You by @strawberrynamjoon // kth x f.reader // farming!au, lowkey e2l // 🥵😂

📝 Needing change in your life you decided it would be a brilliant idea to move to your uncle’s small farm, helping him and your cousin Jimin with the daily work. What you didn’t plan was to fall in love with your beautiful yet very annoying neighbour Taehyung, who seemed to make it his personal mission to tease you every chance he got. And what you expected even less was that he seemed to like you too.

🗨️ This was just utterly sweet, so fluffy 🥺 I really liked this: the way that reader and Taehyung’s friendship deepens, their friends and their banter 🥺 everything was so good, soft, sad sometimes, and just really great and funny too 🤭

⭐The Wannabe-Photographer Chronicles [series] by @gimmethatagustd // kth x f.reader // frenemies to lovers // 🥵

📝 You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s hipster, wannabe-photographer ass. You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s stupid smile and stupid jokes and stupid way of getting under your skin and sticking in your brain.

🗨️ At first I did not realize that this was a series, therefore I’ve linked to the masterlist, lol. Anyway, this series is just so fucking hot, like WHAT 🥵 There’s a lot of banter and their mutual ‘hatred’ for each other just makes this hit incredible hard. Really amazing ✨

⭐Loverboy by @kookslastbutton // kth x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰🌩️

📝 After a startling conversation with your coworkers, you start feeling insecure about your sexual prowess. You don't initiate as much, you haven't worn lingerie yet, and you're still timid about doing much seducing with your body–are you giving your boyfriend boring sex? Taehyung reassures you that you are perfect and have nothing to worry about.

🗨️ These coworkers gotta go, okay?! 😠🤣 Planting seeds of doubt in OC’s head, no, no. Tae to the rescue!! He is so sweet in this too, yes a real ‘loverboy’ 😍 Gosh and then best friend Jimin - that was just pure gold, their relationship and how he helps OC 🥹 That is friendship goals!! A sweet, loving and comforting Taehyung fic - I loved it ✨

⭐Hush, yeah? [series; ongoing/hiatus] by @kithtaehyung // kth x f.reader // brother’s best friend!au, music festival!au // 🥵

📝 Who knew an innocent accident could turn things so dirty..

🗨️ Pure gold ✨ — I don’t really have much to say, except GO READ IT.

For all of the other lovely fics that I haven’t gotten around to read, but I’m very excited about, I’ve compiled my ‘to read’ list 🙂

‘To read’ list ⬇️

Maybe I do [series; completed] by @chateautae

Gold Rush by @ditttiii

Fanservice by @bangtanintotheroom

Trip by @daechwitatamic

The Art of Obsession by @kooktrash

Dick on the Go by @jeonggukingdom

Love me or we both go down by @gukyi

Gank Mid Lane by @kth1

Good for Me by @icedmatchatae

Something about him by @kooktrash

Love, secret Santa by @jamaisjoons

All I Want for Christmas is You by @ladyartemesia

Buzzed [series; completed] by @junqkook

I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to read more! 😭 Life happened, and yeah. But all of these wonderful fics on my list sound so incredibly good and I really look forward to reading them and give them a lovely review 💜

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAEHYUNG!!! 💜 🥳 🎂

#happy birthday taehyung #kth day #taehyung x reader #kth x reader #taehyung day #kim taehyung #kth #taehyung smut #taehyung fic #kth smut #bts taehyung #taehyung scenarios #taehyung fanfic #bts fic recs #bts fic #bts fics #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts x female reader #bts x you #bts x y/n #bts x reader #bts x reader smut #bangtan x you #bangtan x reader #bangtan smut #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fic #bts smut

[oddinary4bts]

Crazy for You | kth

☆summary:  you’ve known Kim Taehyung your whole life. When you meet again at a party hosted by your best friend, alcohol looses your lips and you spill your secrets to your childhood crush. Will Taehyung give in to your desire, or will you be struck by remorse?

☆pairing:  Kim Taehyung x female reader  

☆rating: 18+

☆genre:  best friend’s older brother to lovers, a little bit of fake dating trope, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff, snippets of life

☆warnings:  alcohol consumption, getting ghosted before the story takes place, lying/hiding the truth to a best friend for months, unclear relationship (and what comes with it aka reader feels cheated on (rightfully so?)), sort of miscommunication? but not really, cursing, mention of a grandparent passing away, a very awkward dinner with all the members and their own readers (no one is named, gets a little redundant? but since everyone is a reader, it had to be done), pregnancy (at the veryyyy end of the fic), explicit content: virgin and unexperienced!reader, dom!tae, praising, fingering, ass slapping, tits play, oral sex (female and male receiving), tied-up sex, whip (not really used in the fic), dirty talking?, protected and unprotected sex, jerking off, taehyung is lowkey a freak

☆word count: 46.8k

☆a/n: as per usual, thank you to the beautiful @moonleeai​ for beta-ing this fic for me. Your work is forever appreciated <3. Also, I really hope you will enjoy reading this. It took me a lot longer to write than my usual fics because I was burned out in December and I just couldn’t function properly but I’m really proud of the result nonetheless! Enjoy your reading <3

Read the other establishments in the Life Goes On series here!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

               There was a small house at the end of a dirt road, surrounded by trees and fields. When the sun set, it coated the house with golden light, making it stand at the end of the road like it was straight from a postal card. Bushes sprinkled with wildflowers stood on the two sides of the red door that was always left open. It led into a kitchen that had held laughter, tears and late-night conversations, along with home cooked food made with love.

You had grown up in that house next to your best friend Eunjin and her two brothers, Taehyung and Jeongyu, and your own brother. Though Taehyung had left when you were still young, moving to Seoul to pursue his training. It had led to you being a lot closer to Jeongyu even though you were mostly Eunjin’s friend. Your own brother had followed after Taehyung, always being closer to the older Kim sibling in the first place.

The house at the end of the road was pretty, with a cozy look to it that made you want to settle down after a long day of work. As your car pulled in the driveway, memories of your childhood came back to you, bringing a smile to your lips.

You remembered playing soccer with Eunjin, her siblings and your brother, and chasing after frogs on rainy days. You had come home covered in mud from the fields more than once, yet Eunjin’s parents had always been nice about it. Same as her grandmother had been, though the older lady had passed away a few years ago.

Your car slowed down as you neared the house until it came to a full stop. You took the keys out of the engine, gaze wandering on the different cars you could see.

Eunjin had organized a small get-together with close friends to celebrate her getting the job she had always dreamed about. Some of her family was also going to be there, cousins that you had seen many times before. All the cars you could recognize, except the gray one that was the nearest to the house. It had your brows furrow as you threw your car door open and stepped out.

You breathed in the fresh air of October, eyes shutting as you let yourself absorb the cool aura of the countryside. You hadn’t been here in years, ever since you had moved to Seoul, and you were glad to be back. So you took your time to breathe in the air and the atmosphere, letting it bring you back to days when you didn’t know what it was to be surrounded by concrete, only knowing fields and open air.

Your eyes eventually fluttered open, gaze moving to the front porch of the house. There was a figure standing there, a man you hadn’t expected to see.

Kim Taehyung was leaning against one of the pillars holding the small roof of the porch, a quaint knowing smile on his lips. You didn’t know how long he had been standing there, and you blushed as you took in the sight of him.

Taehyung was wearing a pair of brown dress pants along with a pale loose shirt that was tucked into the pants. He had rolled up his sleeves, revealing the tan skin of his forearms and the expensive watch on his wrist, and his hair was pushed back as if he had run his hands through it too many times.

You met his gaze in the distance, gulping as he seemingly looked you up and down once before his eyes locked with yours again.

“Y/n”, he greeted you.

“Taehyung”, you said back, eyes falling to a puddle in the dirt in front of you. You bowed, just a little, before glancing behind you at your duffel bag on the backseat.

Taehyung’s gaze followed you as you grabbed it before starting to walk towards him. There was something weird about the aura surrounding him and you weren’t quite sure if it was because you hadn’t seen him in almost six years or because the confident smile on his lips intimidated you.

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

You met his gaze again as you stopped in front of him, offering him a tight-lipped smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be here”, you admitted and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Eunjin made me stop here on the way back from Busan”, Taehyung explained. “After the concert.”

You had heard about that concert. A free concert that had rocked the whole world for a time. It was strange to think that Taehyung was so famous, especially as he stood in front of you, with that same childish glint in his eyes that he had when he was younger. It was stranger to think that you were friends with his sister and that your life somehow was intertwined with Taehyung’s.

“Oh”, you let out. Your eyes slid to the door, right as it opened to reveal your best friend.

“Y/n!” Eunjin squealed as she ran out, wrapping her arms around your neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”

You chuckled, hugging her with one arm. “We were together a week ago”, you reminded her.

She tutted as she pulled away, grabbing your duffel bag from you and handing it to her brother. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and bring that inside, asshole?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes at his sister, before meeting your gaze. “I’ll do it for you, not for her.” He offered his sister a glare and then winked as he met your eyes over her head.

It left you with a dumbfounded look on your face as Taehyung disappeared inside. Eunjin’s brows knit together, and she turned towards you. “What the fuck was that?”

You were as confused as she was, so you simply shrugged your shoulders before motioning to the inside of the house. “Should we go in?”

Eunjin didn’t seem like she wanted to let it go, yet she didn’t mention it again as she pulled you in behind her. “Everyone’s already arrived.”

Indeed, as soon as you walked in you were greeted by a crowd of friends, along with the family members Eunjin had mentioned would be there. They greeted you warmly, but your eyes diverged to the stairs as Taehyung walked down them. He pushed his hair back, his gaze meeting yours for a few seconds. He offered you a tight-lipped smile as he raised his eyebrows, but Eunjin pulled you away before you could reply.

All it did was bring a light blush to your cheeks, one you did your best to ignore as Eunjin handed you a bottle of beer.

“Drink up, you’ve got some catching up to do”, she told you.

You let out a small laugh. “I don’t drink beer.”

Eunjin rolled her eyes, fists resting against her hips. “You will today.” She glanced at a spot over your shoulder. “I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”

Her words were immediately punctuated by cheers, and you turned your head towards the sound to see some of your friends cheering one of Eunjin’s family members as he chugged a beer. Your eyes widened, and you resumed your attention on your friend.

“What is going on here?” you asked.

You had never done parties like that. Had never really been allowed to do parties like that. It surprised you that Eunjin’s parents were letting it happen under their roof, yet Eunjin just brushed it off with a shrug of her shoulders.

“My parents told me that as long as we don’t break anything I can throw a party like in the movies.”

You looked at her pointedly. “Don’t people always break stuff at parties like in the movies?”

Eunjin laughed heartily, shaking her head. “Not under oppa’s careful attention.” You followed her line of gaze to see Taehyung punching his cousin in the shoulder before leaning in to say something in the young man’s ear. His enthusiasm seemed to deflate for a time, until Taehyung offered him a winning smile that had the happiness bleed back into the young man’s features. “He’s telling everyone to stop when they get too intense.”

It was unlike Taehyung, or rather unlike the Taehyung you had known years ago. Taehyung had always been the first one to want to have fun, to pull pranks on his siblings or to tease everyone and everything around him. There was still that same mischievous glint in his eyes today, but as the oldest he seemed to take his responsibilities seriously.

You wondered what his parents had told him to make him behave like that.

“Good thing he’s here then”, you said, before taking a swig of your beer.

You winced at the taste and the bitterness it left behind and Eunjin laughed at your expression. “Oh come on, it’s just a little beer.”

“Drink it then”, you said, pushing the beer towards her.

She shook her head and before she could speak, her younger brother threw an arm around her shoulder.

“Y/n!” Jeongyu greeted you. He had a large grin on his face, one that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. “I’ve missed you.”

“And yet you choose to hug your sister?” you teased him. “Come here.”

Jeongyu laughed, a little drunkenly, before stumbling into your open arms. He hugged you firmly, lifting you off the ground. You let out a yelp and your eyes met Taehyung’s as he moved closer.

You couldn’t quite read his expression, but he seemed surprised. As if he hadn’t really seen you before.

“What’s gotten into you?” Taehyung asked. For a moment, you thought he was addressing you as his eyes still held your gaze, but he tapped his brother’s shoulder.

Jeongyu immediately put you down, before offering a small pout to Taehyung. “Just happy to see Y/n, hyung.”

Taehyung arched an eyebrow prettily. “No need to crush her like that.”

“It’s fine”, you reassured the man as Jeongyu let you go. You met his gaze, offering him a bright smile. “I’ve missed you too, Jeongyu.”

A crooked grin appeared on the younger man’s lips. “How has Seoul been, nuna?”

The three siblings put their full attention on you. Usually, when it was just Eunjin and Jeongyu, you found it easy to talk to them. But right now, under Taehyung’s attentive gaze, you found you didn’t really know what to say.

“Uh”, you let out. “It’s been good.”

“Do you still work at the same office?” Taehyung asked. He furrowed his brows slightly. “What was it again?”

“Yes, I still work at the same place”, you answered. You chuckled, and a slight blush moved on your cheeks. “Still work for Samsung.”

Taehyung pursed his lips. “I don’t know how I managed to forget that.”

“Maybe because you haven’t seen her in years”, Eunjin pointed out.

Your best friend’s words ended the conversation, and you looked down at the floor as you took a sip of the beer. The liquid was as disgusting as it had been a moment ago, but it kept you occupied for a time, as the siblings started bickering.

If one thing hadn’t changed between the three of them, it was their constant bickering. Taehyung looked a lot younger then, and you found it easier to hold his gaze. The blush stubbornly remained on your cheeks, but you had always been the type to blush easily. Especially when alcohol was involved.

And Kim Taehyung, apparently.

Soon enough, the group of you moved to join the rest of the people attending Eunjin’s celebration. You found yourself sitting together with the friends you had gone to high school with, while Taehyung and Jeongyu moved to stand with their family members. Eunjin kept going from one crowd to another, ever so the social butterfly, accepting the congratulations people were offering her without even batting an eyelash.

Every now and then, your gaze slid towards Taehyung. You caught the older man looking at you on more than one occasion, and each time he offered you one of his tight-lipped smiles. The times when he wasn’t looking brought you back to when you were younger. To when you were fourteen and crushing on your best friend’s older brother.

You hadn’t thought that that crush still existed until butterflies swam in your belly at the sight of Taehyung’s boxy smile as he laughed at someone’s joke.

You looked away then, figuring it was better to ignore Taehyung. And it was, as you were surrounded by a crowd of your friends, and everyone of them were buzzing with energy. Jests were exchanged between the group, inside jokes you hadn’t thought you remembered as you all reminisced about high school.

The party kept going on for longer than you thought, even though most people weren’t sleeping over. You found yourself drinking more than you had expected, as you realized that beer didn’t taste so bad after your third bottle. It had your mind swirling in the sweet ecstasy of alcohol, and your initial repulsion to the idea of drinking disappeared into thin air.

If you were to party, you’d party grandly until dawn would inch to the horizon, tainting the sky in bright colors. And you did just that, joining Eunjin in a couple of alcohol games. It was fun with her cheering you on, and you won more than half of them, beating most of your friends. Your successful streak ended when you played against Taehyung and Jeongyu, though Jeongyu didn’t contribute to the game a lot. Indeed, Taehyung told him to sit down on the couch, as the younger man was far too drunk to even stand straight. It made you laugh, and you stumbled a little, taking an unexpected step towards Taehyung.

Taehyung caught your elbow and you looked up to meet his gaze. He had a stern expression on his face as if he disapproved of you drinking. You furrowed your eyebrows, before shrugging off his grip on your arm.

“Is something wrong?” you asked.

He seemed surprised by the outburst, and his eyebrows shot towards his hairline. “Ah, no, everything is okay.”

There was an awkward silence between the two of you, and you only then realized that Eunjin had been pulled away by one of her cousins.

Taehyung had pretty eyes. A dark gaze, one that you felt as if you were falling in as you looked at him. It had your mind turning dizzy, which wasn’t quite a great mix with the amount of alcohol you had ingested. Taehyung must have noticed your face paling because he grabbed your hand ever so gently, before pulling you behind him.

“What are you doing?” you asked, even though you offered him no resistance whatsoever.

He glanced at you over his shoulder, a strand of dark hair falling in his eyes. “You look like you need some fresh air.”

You knew he was right, but something about him making the decision for you felt wrong.

“I can be the judge of that”, you said, planting your heels in the ground.

Taehyung didn’t stop, though he offered you a small laugh. That laugh did things to your mind that you couldn’t quite explain, though it made you stumble forward. You fell against Taehyung’s back, face digging in the soft fabric of his shirt.

You inhaled a whiff of his cologne as you tried to regain your footing, and when you finally were able to stand by yourself, you realized your hand had wrapped around one of his biceps. Your other fingers were still prisoners of his hand and you blushed before letting your hand fall to your side.

“Sorry.”

Your apology was uttered barely above a whisper, but you were standing so close you knew he had heard it. Or maybe you knew because his grip on your fingers tightened, his thumb brushing the back of your hand.

“It’s okay”, he reassured you. “Let’s just get some fresh air for you.”

This time, you obeyed, not feeling like making a fool out of yourself again. Your lips instinctively formed a pout, but you followed Taehyung across the living room, up until you reached the front door. He glanced over his shoulder and you tried to meet his gaze but he was looking over your shoulder. You followed his line of sight, though found yourself unable to figure out what he had been looking at before he pulled you out, shutting the door gently behind him.

The world outside was dark. Fresh, and it smelled of humidity and soil, and all the smells autumn holds. Taehyung had let your hand go as soon as you were outside and you took a step forward, moving away from the light of the porch as your eyes instinctively looked up to the sky and the endless blanket of stars. The moon was hidden somewhere and all you could see were all the little imprints of light up there, promises of worlds unexplored by humanity. Worlds that had maybe died a long time ago, yet their existence was just now reaching Earth.

You wondered if there was someone out there, looking out at their own stars and seeing the Sun. It was a strange thought to have for your drunk mind, yet it strangely sobered you up as you felt small.

“Do you think we’re alone in the universe?” you asked.

You glanced back at Taehyung. He was still standing next to the door, hands in his pockets, and he had a bewildered expression on his face. Eyes slightly widened and mouth hanging open, as if he was about to say something. Yet he remained silent and the way his eyes met yours felt intimate somehow. Like you indeed were alone in the universe, the last bastion of humanity, and Taehyung was taking the sight in.

It felt strange to be looked at like that when no man had ever looked at you for more than a few seconds.

“Sometimes I think we are”, Taehyung finally replied. He took a few steps towards you before craning his neck to look up at the stars. It had you resume your attention on the night sky, right as Taehyung spoke again. “But then I think the world is never-ending, and new stars are born every day and I realize the odds that we’re the only place that life happened are way too slim.”

You remained silent, taking his words in. They were weird in your dizzy state, though you did feel more sober now that you were outside. Now that you were alone with Taehyung and not stuck inside a too-warm house. A house that you would always consider a home, but really you weren’t quite sure you were one for parties like the one Eunjin was throwing.

Or maybe you just had too much to drink.

“When you begin to think about it, what were the odds of life happening?” you mumbled, a little more to yourself. “Like, what were the odds that our ancestors would exist and then have babies up until our parents and like…” you trailed off, brows furrowed as you tried to make sense of the thoughts in your head. “Like what were the odds that we both would be standing here tonight, looking at the stars?”

Taehyung let out a laugh. A clear sound in the fall night, that warmed it up just a little bit. “Are you drunk or high?”

“I’m just saying, life is a series of coincidences”, you said. You glared at him, brows knitted together, only to find him already looking at you.

You could only see half of his face in the dim light coming in from the porch. The half you could see was soft, the visible eye filled with an emotion you couldn’t decipher. All you knew was that it made the eye sparkle a little, with a glint that put the stars to shame. The other half of his face was casted in shadows, yet it didn’t hide how handsome Taehyung was.  

And he really fucking was.

“Well, I’m happy this coincidence brought you here tonight”, Taehyung said.

You didn’t know what to say, only knew that you were weirdly attracted to him. Like a moth to a flame and you knew you were going to get burned. For some reason you couldn’t stop.

“I can’t believe it’s been like six years since we’ve seen each other”, you murmured.

Taehyung’s lips spread in the tiniest little smile. “I’ve been pretty busy.”

“I always thought we were friends”, you muttered, and your eyes moved away from his face, looking up at the sky once again. Maybe because you didn’t have the strength to look him in the eye while you were to speak your next words. “I was sad when you stopped replying to my texts.”

Taehyung tensed next to you. It made the night air a little colder, and you shivered as a heavy silence moved between you.

It was true. You had used to talk to Taehyung once in a while, encouraging him and congratulating him whenever BTS had won awards. You had acted with him like you acted with Jeongyu, treating him like someone you were close to… but then one day he had started replying with short messages instead of sentences, and then it had moved to emojis. And one day he had just stopped replying and you had been left wondering what you had done wrong.

For a long time you had thought he had known that you had been crushing on him. It had been over then, but you had always imagined it could explain why he just had stopped replying.

Eunjin had never known. No matter how close you were to her, you had never dared tell her that you had feelings for her brother, and you hadn’t mentioned that Taehyung had sort of ghosted you. If she had noticed she hadn’t said a thing.

“Life just got in the way, I guess”, Taehyung said. His voice was low, as if he too was aware of just how bad the excuse sounded. “I never meant to stop replying.”

You were pretty sure he had, but it was water under the bridge.

“Whatever, I don’t really care”, you joked, nudging him with your elbow. “At least I got to see your sorry face today.”

Your voice was strained, even to your ears. It felt awkward to be speaking to him like that and you wished you could take the words back.

“We were friends, if that can reassure you.” Taehyung ignored your last comment as he continued, “You were always like a little sister to me.”

The words didn’t sting like you had thought they would. Maybe because he had employed the past tense.

“Anyway.” You chuckled, granting him a glance. He was looking up at the sky, and you followed him, eyes moving to the many constellations that were lighting up the night. “How has this whole BTS thing been going? You are so big now.”

The atmosphere seemed to shift, falling back into a warmer state. “It’s been crazy. I still can’t believe I get to live this life.”

“I mean.” You paused, wetting your lips. “You worked hard for it, you deserve it.”

There was another silence, and a soft breeze moved on your features, though its coldness had you shivering again. You hoped Taehyung didn’t notice, because you didn’t feel like going back inside just yet.

“Thank you”, Taehyung breathed. “It does get…” He chuckled, as if he hadn’t meant to speak.

“What?” you asked, and your eyes trailed to him.

“It gets lonely sometimes”, he finished, meeting your gaze. The raw truth behind his words almost had you stumbling back. “Especially now that we aren’t doing everything together anymore.”

You felt sorry for him, yet you didn’t have any words of reassurance to offer. You lived a far simpler life than his, with a small crowd of friends that you kept close to you. You didn’t feel lonely, though at times you did picture yourself having someone around, someone more. It was a strange thought to have, one that had never really crossed your mind before. You didn’t know if it was because you were getting older, and everyone around you had already lived through many relationships.

Then again it wasn’t like you had ever been interested in a relationship anyway.

“I’m sorry”, you apologized. You didn’t know what for.

He shrugged his shoulders, eyes trailing back to the sky. “Don’t be.” It was his turn to nudge you with an elbow. “It’s not like it’s your fault.”

He wasn’t wrong and you had nothing to answer to that.

“Do you have anybody in your life?” he asked after some time.

Confusion moved through you, and a crease appeared between your eyebrows. “I mean, I have Eunjin and my family. Even Jeongyu and the rest of them.”

He threw you a no-bullshit look. “You know I didn’t mean that.”

That… That? Was Taehyung asking you if you were dating anyone?

“What?” you let out. You flushed red, and if it wasn’t for the remnants of the alcohol in your system you probably wouldn’t have been able to speak. “Why do you want to know that?”

He laughed at your flustered state. “I’m just trying to make conversation.”

You squinted your eyes as you looked at him, a little suspiciously. It had him laughing this time, boxy smile on display.

You were pretty sure that smile could stop wars.

“No”, you breathed out. “I’ve never dated anyone.”

Maybe that was too much of a truth, yet it fell from your mouth with nothing to stop it. Taehyung looked surprised, and his brows moved up.

“Why?”

You shrugged your shoulders, looking away from him as a warm flush coursed through your upper body. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been interested in a relationship before.”

He pondered about it for a time. “You sound like it has changed.”

“I don’t really know.” You pursed your lips, before saying, “It just feels weird to be twenty-six and to haven’t even had my first kiss yet.”

You hated yourself. You hated yourself and your stupid mouth that never knew when to shut up. You hated yourself even more as your words met a stunned silence. You wanted to decipher the expression on his face, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him.

What a coward you were.

“There’s nothing wrong with that”, Taehyung said. He spoke carefully, as if he was afraid he’d speak the wrong words.

Oh.

“No I know.” You chuckled, wetting your lips before biting the bottom one in a nervous manner. “It’s just that I’d want to have done it all, just never had the opportunity.” You pursed your lips, furrowing your brows. “I mean, I had opportunities, just wasn’t interested until I realized I’m a little old for this.”

Taehyung chuckled beside you, a deep baritone sound that put a stop to the spiel of words falling from your mouth. “You’re not too old, Y/n.”

The way he said your name in that low voice of his… your mind went haywire.

“Everyone does it in their own time.” He turned until he was facing you, before grabbing your hand again, like he had been holding it when you had first come outside. “You’re freezing, we should get back inside.”

Only you weren’t ready to let the conversation go. “I’m fine.” You didn’t pull your hand away from his as you continued, “Do you think I’m attractive?”

From the way he was standing, more light was illuminating his features. So, you could see his jaw clenching as he held your gaze unblinkingly, eyes turning dark. “You’re drunk, Y/n, let’s get you to bed.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

He sighed, eyes dipping to your lips. “Yes, you are. Why would you think you aren’t?”

“You’re saying that just to make me happy.”

He chuckled, the sound a little bitter, entirely different from his previous small laughs. “I’m saying it because it is a fact.”

You took a step closer to him, angling your face up so he could gaze down at you.

Drunk you really was a menace to sober you, wasn’t she? Because you weren’t talking about kissing. You were talking about so much more, and you could tell Taehyung knew.

“Prove it”, you breathed.

His eyes widened again, but soon they were overcome by darkness, a cloud that covered the light you had seen there before. He wet his lips, looking at you, shaking his head slightly as if he didn’t believe you were real. He then leaned down to speak into your ear. “You just want to be touched, do you?”

Your blood started boiling in your veins at the feeling of his warm breath on the side of your face. “I want to know why people like sex that much.”

“I could show you.”

To have Kim Taehyung say that to you turned you into playdough. Playdough that he could mold into whatever shape he preferred and you didn’t even care. It was your teenager self’s fantasy after all.

And maybe you should have been worried, by his willingness to show you. Maybe you should have been ticked off by it, yet you still found yourself whispering, “Please show me, Tae.”

He didn’t move or say anything for a long time. So long that you found yourself pulling away, up until you could gaze at his features.

His eyes were closed but at the feeling of your gaze on him, his eyelids fluttered open. “You’re drunk”, he repeated his previous words. Yet the dark look hadn’t left his features, the low tone hadn’t left his voice. “Let’s see if you still feel the same tomorrow.”

There was a high chance that you’d just be embarrassed as all hell, yet you found yourself agreeing. Because really you wanted to die under the intensity of Taehyung’s gaze. No one had ever looked at you like that before, and you didn’t want him to look away. You were aware it was the alcohol singing in your blood, and it would all come crashing down when you’d wake up with a pounding headache the next day. Yet you found yourself agreeing.

Maybe because the devil had never looked as good as Taehyung did.

 *****

                 Light poured through the window next to which you were sleeping, encasing you in a prison of warmth and brightness that made you wake up feeling dehydrated. Your blood was pumping in your ears and your whole body felt as if it was burning. You cracked an eye open, wincing as the sun blinded you. You put a hand on your face, letting out a small whimper, before sitting up on the mattress, face turning away from the window.

You only then opened your eyes again, freezing when you noticed where you were.

Taehyung’s bedroom. You were sleeping in Taehyung’s bedroom. You looked around, eyes skimming over the familiar furniture, heart beating out of your chest. It made you dizzy again, as you tried to remember what happened last night.

You didn’t remember a lot, after that conversation you had with him outside. But what you remembered of the conversation had you wanting to throw yourself off a cliff. You had flirted with Taehyung. He had flirted back, had told you he could show you…

Just the thought of it had you letting out a small curse, and your head fell into your hands. What had you done?

“Good morning”, Jeongyu said from the doorframe.

You startled, looking between your fingers. He had a shit-eating grin on his face. “What?” you let out.

He chuckled. “Why are you wearing Taehyung’s t-shirt?”

You glanced down at your chest and sure enough, you were clad in a white Celine t-shirt, one you knew fully well belonged to Taehyung.

“Aish, what is going on?” you mumbled, hands falling in your lap.

“Don’t worry, hyung slept on the couch downstairs. You were pretty wasted last night.”

Blood rushed to your cheeks. “Did I do anything weird?”

“Not particularly”, Jeongyu said, shrugging his shoulders. “I was pretty wasted myself. Honestly, only Taehyung was sober.”

Taehyung was sober and still had told you what he had? What hell had you stepped into?

“Why are you guys so loud?” Eunjin grumbled. She came into view, her hair a mess as she let out a yawn. It took her a moment to register that you were currently sitting in her brother’s bed, wearing one of his shirts. When she did focus on the scene, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. “What the fuck?”

Jeongyu punched her in the shoulder. “You’re lucky appa didn’t hear you say that.”

There were so many questions in Eunjin’s eyes it had you chuckling awkwardly.

“I don’t know”, you said, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t know anything.”

“Bitch, you better have some explanation”, Eunjin replied and she walked in, making her way to you. She put her fists against her hips, and you let out another laugh as she stopped in front of you.

“Ayt, I’m out”, Jeongyu said before disappearing.

“Did you sleep with my brother?” Eunjin asked.

You winced at the sound of her voice, eyes shutting. “Why are you speaking so loud?”

She huffed, stomping on the ground. “Answer me, Y/n.”

You cracked an eye open, meeting your best friend’s gaze. “I don’t remember last night but I don’t think I did.”

“Where’s the fucker anyway?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “No idea.”

And really, Taehyung was nowhere to be found. Even when you and Eunjin finally made your way downstairs, Taehyung wasn’t there. A look out the window of the living room told you that his car wasn’t in the front yard anymore, and you tried to hide your disappointment as best as you could.

You hadn’t expected him to leave so soon after what he had told you that he could show you. Teach you even, about sex. It made your embarrassment ten times worse, especially as Eunjin kept pressing for questions. Questions you didn’t have answers to because, frankly, you hadn’t a clue as to how you had ended up in Taehyung’s room.

It was a confusing shitshow indeed.

It remained that way for two weeks, as you went back to Seoul and to your regular office life. Focusing on work helped to get your mind off of Taehyung’s words, and of the shame that choked you up whenever you thought about what you had said to him.

The worst part about it all was that Taehyung didn’t talk to you at all. Didn’t text you, didn’t call. Some part of you had expected him to, the foolish part of you that had been reminded of your crush on him. But no, Taehyung became a ghost in your life again, as if Eunjin’s party had never happened.

Eunjin, on the other hand, didn’t become a ghost at all. No, your best friend forced you to hang out far more than you usually did, as if she was still reeling from getting her new job. You didn’t blame her, it was her dream job after all. But it did get tiring, as you went out for drinks a couple of nights in a row, with people she knew and you didn’t. She always made sure that you felt included, but you had always been a little more on the introverted side.

Maybe that was why you found yourself deciding to leave early on the latest night out. You had been drinking soju with Eunjin and her new coworkers, playing drinking games that had your blood slowly fill with alcohol. The fresh air helped the dizziness that had taken over you and you walked in the night, content with your sudden loneliness. You watched the people around you, bowing your head politely, and soon enough you found a snack stand. You were ordering some tteokbokki for yourself when your phone rang in your purse.

You fumbled with the zipper of the purse, drunk fingers clumsy as they tried to hold on to it. It took you a moment but soon enough you fished your phone out of your purse, fingers holding onto it as if it was a treasure. The lady behind the little snack bar offered you a curious glance but you ignored her as you picked up the call right before it went to voicemail.

“Hi!” you let out happily, hiding your mouth behind your hand when you realized how loud you had spoken. There was silence on the other side of the line, apart from the sound of music. You furrowed your brows, assuming it was Eunjin. “Eunjin-ah, I’m on my way home.”

There was a chuckle. A man’s chuckle. A surprisingly deep chuckle. You looked at the screen of your phone, blinking a few times at the name you read. Taehyung. Why the fuck was Taehyung calling you now?

“Hi, Y/n”, he said.

You quickly put the phone against your ear again. “Why are you calling me?”

“I wanted to hear your voice”, he answered, his deep baritone voice sending shivers down your spine.

You scoffed. “You don’t talk to me for two weeks and then you tell me that?”

He didn’t reply for a long time, as if he felt guilty. You really hoped he did because he totally deserved it.

“I’ve been busy”, he replied. “But I’m hosting a party right now and it’s missing you.”

You barely heard his words as the snack lady offered you your tteokbokki. You thanked her before moving towards one of the empty wooden tables that stood next to the stand.

“What?” you said once you were sitting.

“Do you want to come over?” Taehyung asked.

You furrowed your brows, holding your phone with your shoulder as you opened the paper pack that held your chopsticks. “I’m eating.”

“Where are you?”

You looked around, startling when a car honked in the street. “At a snack bar next to Eunjin’s work.”

“I’ll come get you”, Taehyung said. He sounded determined, and it made you laugh. “Why are you laughing?”

“Why do you want to come get me?” you asked, digging your chopsticks in the tteokbokki. It was rosé tteokbokki, and you couldn’t help the little content hum you let out as you ate.

“What was that?” Taehyung asked.

He sounded like he was moving away from the music and soon enough all you could hear was the sound of his breathing.

“My rosé tteokbokki is hitting good”, you replied. “Please don’t come, though.”

“I want to see you”, he said matter-of-factly. “I’m coming no matter what you say.”

You pouted. “You don’t even know where I am.”

“You’re at the tteokbokki stand near Eunjin’s work”, he pointed out. “That should be easy enough to find.”

You whined. “Please, Taehyung, I’m drunk, I don’t want to see you.”

“Well good thing the drive is going to take a while, you’ll have plenty of time to sober up.” He paused, and you could hear a car door opening and closing.

“I’ll be gone by the time you get here.”

You could almost hear him rolling his eyes on his side of the line. “Do you even live within walking distance from Eunjin’s work?”

Your stubborn silence was answer enough.

“See, just send me your location and I’ll drive you home”, he said.

You looked up at the sky, watching the moon behind the clouds. “You said something about a party, no?”

The sound of the engine coming to live covered your words, right as the call switched to his car’s Bluetooth.

“What did you say?”

You wet your lips. “You mentioned a party when I got my tteokbokki.”

“I’m hosting a party right now, but it doesn’t matter”, he replied.

“Can you even drive?”

He chuckled. “I have stopped drinking for a little over two months.”

So he had been sober at Eunjin’s party? You winced, hiding your face in your hand. “Gosh.”

“What?”

You shrugged. “Nothing.”

There was a long silence, as you focused on eating the tteokbokki. Anything to not think about how embarrassed you were. Taehyung didn’t hang up though, as if he wanted to make sure you weren’t going to bail on him. Truthfully, you didn’t really want to walk home alone, not now that Taehyung had reminded you of just how long the walk would have been.

“Can you share your location?” Taehyung asked after a few minutes of silence.

You bit your lower lip, pulling the phone away from your ear so you could do so. “Did you get it?” you asked as soon as you were done.

“Yeah.” There was a brief pause, and Taehyung let out a small chuckle. “Eunjin got you drunk and left you alone once again?”

Your brows knitted together. “What?”

“Like at her party”, he pointed out.

You winced, shaking your head. “I doubt this is like her party.” You ate some tteokbokki, appreciating the flavor before swallowing. “How did I even get to your bedroom?”

“I carried you to bed because you were starting to pass out on the couch”, he admitted. “You don’t remember?” There was a vulnerability in his words, as if he regretted his actions.

“No”, you let out. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

He remained silent, but you could imagine the smile that was playing on his lips.

“When should you be here?” you asked after a time.

“ETA should be fifteen minutes”, he answered. “You still have some tteokbokki left?”

You looked down at the almost empty bowl. “There won’t be when you arrive.”

He laughed. “That’s okay, I’m not hungry.”

You nodded, finishing your bowl as Taehyung focused on driving. You brought it back to the lady before sitting back at the table, eyes going up to the sky. It reminded you of when you had stargazed with Taehyung, and all the things you had told him.

“I’m sorry”, you apologized.

“About what?”

You shrugged. “For what I said at Eunjin’s party. I shouldn’t have told you all of that.”

“It’s okay”, Taehyung reassured you. “That’s why I kept my distance.”

His words rang in your ears for a time, and blush crept on your cheeks. “Oh.”

“But I figured two weeks was plenty enough”, he added, as if he had sensed your disappointment. “I missed being close to you.”

Your blush only deepened as you played with the hem of your shirt. “Have you?”

“Of course I did”, he said. “You’ve always been important to me.”

You pursed your lips, suppressing the smile that had wanted to form on your lips. “Then it’s a good thing you called me tonight.”

“It truly is.”

You shared another silence, one so long you almost thought Taehyung had fallen asleep on his side of the line. Hadn’t you known he was driving you might have hung up, but you wanted to stay with him.

That damn crush.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes”, Taehyung said. “Are you asleep?”

“No”, you replied, suppressing the yawn that you had almost let out. “I’m just chilling.”

“Good.” He paused, and you wondered what he was thinking. You wondered what had made him decide to come back into your life like that.

It was hard to know, as Taehyung had always been private about his life. Even when he was younger he had never really shared anything with you. Maybe that was just because you were his sister’s friend and not his, or maybe it was the age gap. Not that he was all that older, but three years could be a lot sometimes, especially growing up.

“I’m parking the car”, Taehyung told you. “Are you okay with walking to the corner of the street?”

You glanced at it, noticing the same SUV that had been at their parents’ house the day of Eunjin’s party. “Are you in the gray SUV?”

“Yeah.”

A rush of adrenaline coursed through your blood. “I can see you.”

He chuckled. “I think I see you too.”

A shy smile broke on your lips as you got up. “Don’t look at me walking, it’s just going to be awkward.”

“I don’t think anything can be awkward between us after what you said two weeks ago”, Taehyung teased. You could hear the smirk in his voice and it made you stop in your tracks.

“Taehyung!” you shrieked.

He laughed heartily, a laugh that had your insides feeling weirdly warm. “I’m just playing with you, come here.”

You obeyed, eyes focusing on the cracks in the cement. You were too afraid to catch Taehyung’s gaze if you looked up. “I’m going to hang up now”, you mumbled, and Taehyung let out another laugh that was cut off by the line going out.

You reached his car, walking around it to open the passenger door. Taehyung offered you a warm smile as you got in, one of his boxy smiles that used to make you go crazy when you were younger. After what he had just said, all you wanted was to punch his teeth in, but you instead chose to stare at a spot on the dash.

“Hey there”, he greeted you as if you hadn’t been talking over the phone for a while already.”

“Hey.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, where do you live?”

You blushed, glancing at him once. “Let me put it into your phone’s GPS.”

He nodded, offering you his phone. You quickly put the address in, before handing the device back to him. His long fingers closed around yours as he grabbed the phone, sending shivers right through your spine.

Taehyung had attractive hands. You had always been aware of it, but having his fingers on you, even though it was barely a touch… it made your insides go crazy.

“Damn, it’s a longer drive than I thought”, he said.

You nodded, playing with the hem of your shirt again. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have made it home by foot.” You met his gaze then, right as he turned his key in the ignition and the engine sparked to life again. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Anytime”, he said, and his features melted into a softness that made you look away once again. “I’m sorry Eunjin left you alone.”

“She did not!” you quickly said, a defensive tone taking over your voice. “She would never leave me alone.” You threw him a glance, only to notice he had an eyebrow cocked and he was holding in a smile. “What?” you let out.

He chuckled, eyes darting towards you before focusing on the road again. “Why are you so quick to defend her when it’s clear that that’s what happened?”

A small angry pout formed on your lips. “I chose to leave because I didn’t know her friends and it was awkward.” You folded your arms on your chest, looking outside the window. “I’m a grown woman, I can make my own decisions.”

“Like telling me that you are a virgin?”

Your eyes rounded in surprise as you turned towards him so quickly your neck almost hurt. “Taehyung, what the hell!”

He laughed heartily again, and the sound had your insides filling with butterflies. “I’m just teasing you.”

“Please don’t.”

You exchanged a quick look before his eyes slid to the road again. You hoped he hadn’t noticed your turning a scarlet red from his words, but you were pretty sure he had. For all his teasing and childishness, Taehyung was a very observant person.

“I’m sorry”, he apologized after a time.

You sighed, pursing your lips. “It’s okay.”

Silence engulfed you, and you looked outside at the lights of the city again, leaning against the car door to get a better view. You could feel Taehyung’s occasional glance on your profile, and you tried not to let it get to your head.

Tried and failed, as you realized you were currently sitting in his car. Just the two of you, far from the usual setting that your friendship consisted of back in Daegu. As if time hadn’t changed anything between you, except where the friendship took place. In the neon lights of the world outside, Taehyung looked as if he hadn’t changed at all, as if he was still the boy you had had a crush on.

Or maybe that was only because your crush had definitely come back now, playing with your mind as you tried to ignore him.

“Do you want to listen to any music?” he enquired, his deep voice sending a chill through your spine.

You hadn’t expected the question, and your eyes slid to his handsome profile. “Uh, what do you listen to?”

“Lots of different stuff”, he said, catching your gaze for half a second before looking away. “Mostly jazz though.”

A soft smile grew on your lips. “Right, you’ve always loved jazz.”

He chuckled. “How do you know that?”

You flushed pink, once again looking away. “You’ve made it pretty obvious.” You cleared your throat, trying to hide the embarrassment that was choking you. “Don’t you play the trumpet or something?”

“I do.” He ran a hand through his hair, the motion catching your attention. “I play many instruments.”

You knew. You had heard him play many of them in the past, and had even played with him when you were younger, when he was just your best friend’s older brother.

“Do you remember when we did a show for your parents and your grandmother?” you asked, as the memory came forth in your mind, overpowering your other thoughts.

You could still see the scene. You had been in the field behind their house, with Taehyung playing the saxophone while Eunjin played the violin. You had just been playing around with your flute, and Jeongyu had refused to participate saying it was going to be a horrendous show, your brother tagging along with him. They hadn’t been wrong, and the whole thing had ended in a fit of giggles the adults had shared with you all.

“You were the worst flutist”, Taehyung said, a soft smile moving on his lips at the memory. “It was cute.”

Blush found its way back to your cheeks. “You thought I was cute?”

“Of course.” He nodded, before glancing at you again. “You’ve always been cute.”

His words stopped your heart in your chest, and when it started again you were pretty sure the erratic beating was going to kill you. It rendered you speechless, and your hand instinctively shot towards the radio display screen of the SUV. You clicked on the music app, quickly putting music on to hide the awkwardness that had filled the air.

Taehyung didn’t say anything right away, but you knew he had noticed. He probably had heard the wild beats of your heart too.

“Don’t be shy”, he murmured in a low voice. He wet his lips, before continuing, “I’ve been thinking about you constantly since Eunjin’s party.”

Could he see your hands were shaking because of how shy you felt?

“Ah.” You gulped as you tried to swallow. “Have you?”

“It’s hard to think about something else when you asked me what you did.”

For a reason unknown, his words calmed the shaking of your hands, heat trickling inside of you until you felt far too hot for your own good. “Forget about it, you know, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“What if I want it?”

This couldn’t be happening. Kim Taehyung couldn’t say he wanted you. He was too far out of your league, made of stuff women all around the world dreamed about. Just because you had known him before he was famous didn’t make you any different.

“Taehyung…” you trailed off, unable to find words to say. All you could do was stare at his profile, eyes falling to the lips he wet with a dart of his tongue.

“I know you drank tonight so not tonight, but I’d like to hang out with you, Y/n.” He glanced at you for a moment, long enough for you to see the intensity that had taken over his gaze. “If that’s something you would like.”

From the way heat was collecting at your core, you were pretty sure you couldn’t refuse the offer. “I’ve sobered up, by the way.”

You let your words hang in the silence that stretched between you, only interrupted by the soft jazz music that was playing over the car speakers.

“But we’re almost there”, he said, eyes sliding to you as his car slid to a halt at a stop sign.

There was courage in you. Courage you had never even thought you had, and you spoke the next words without an ounce of hesitation. “You could come up with me.”

He chuckled, as if in disbelief, looking away. “Ah, Y/n, you cannot do this to me.”

“You are the one that said you want to hang out with me.” You paused, heart beating wildly in your chest. “Prove it.”

“Are you sure you are not drunk anymore?” he asked.

“I was just a little tipsy”, you pointed out. “I never was drunk.”

He slowly nodded. “Right.” He ran a hand through his hair, before looking at the road again as the car started moving. “I’ll come up with you then.”

You nodded too, unable to find any words to say. All you knew was that you were going crazy inside, and that you weren’t even sure you’d make it up to your apartment. In truth, you were quite convinced you were going to have a heart attack right then and there.

You wet your lips, gulping as you swallowed trying to wet your throat that had turned dry. At the same time, knowing that Taehyung wanted to hang out with you… it made you warm inside. Made the butterflies feel safer, and the reciprocity of wanting to spend time with you made them realer. To think he’d step foot in your apartment… it filled you with an excitement you had never really known before, and all you knew was that you couldn’t wait for him to step in the private place that was yours. A place only your closest friends had ever been in before…

Yet there was a dangerous aura surrounding Taehyung. Something you hadn’t really seen before, an intensity to him that attracted you the way fire attracted a moth. It made your breathing a little shorter, and the beating of your heart a little faster.

What had you gotten yourself into?

*****

                 Your apartment felt small, now that Taehyung was standing in the middle of it. And really, it was a small place. A loft, with your bed in one corner atop a small flight of stairs, and a couch in the space between the kitchen and the so-called bedroom. There was a clock on the wall above the couch, and a TV on the wall facing it, though you never really watched TV all that much. Most of the time when you were at home was spent chilling on your laptop, watching k-dramas online or videos on Youtube.  

The plant your mom had gifted you when you had moved to Seoul proudly stood under the TV, next to a TV cabinet on top of which pictures of you and Eunjin smiled back at you. There were pictures of your family too, and you knew that one of them held a very young Taehyung, along with Eunjin and Jeongyu. Taehyung hadn’t noticed it yet, but you knew it would only be a matter of time.

“Welcome to my humble abode”, you said as you motioned to the space surrounding you, trying to ease the nerves that were threatening to overcome your senses.

Taehyung flashed a grin at you, one that had your insides going molten. “It’s pretty cosy, I like it.”

His words made you redden, and your eyes fell to the carpet in front of the couch. It was a plush light gray carpet, on which you lay whenever things got too intense at work and you needed a break from life. You could almost imagine the shape of you in the carpet from the last time you laid there, and you focused on it as Taehyung’s heavy gaze moved on your profile.

“Thank you”, you breathed before looking at him. “It’s clearly not as fancy as where you live but it’s what I can afford.”

He chuckled. “Who says I live somewhere fancy?”

You threw him a no-bullshit look, folding your arms on your chest as a reply.

“Okay, I might live somewhere fancy”, he said, raising his hands in defense. “No need to glare at me like that.”

You flushed red again. “I didn’t mean…”

“Y/n, you’re fine”, Taehyung reassured you. “I’m only teasing you.” He flashed another one of his boxy smiles, and you couldn’t help but smile at him too.

“Do you want something to drink?” you asked, moving towards the refrigerator in the corner of the kitchen space. “I don’t have much but I think I have banana milk.”

“Are you Jungkook-ie?” he asked, taking you by surprise.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Never mind. It’s just that Jungkook always drinks that.”

“I don’t blame him, it is so good.” A small excited smile took over your lips as you grabbed the milk from the fridge. “It’s heaven in a bottle.”

“People usually say that about alcohol”, Taehyung pointed out.

“That’s because they’ve never had banana milk.”

He laughed again, and it made your apartment seem warmer than it usually was. It made you feel warmer too, and you met Taehyung’s gaze.

He was beautiful. Incredibly so. The kind of man you were convinced women wrote books about. A man with a softness to him, a vulnerability to him that had always made him attractive to you. No matter who he was now, Taehyung had been the center of your gravity when you were younger, even though you had tried to play it cool. Years of not talking had not changed that, and you found yourself gravitating back towards him as you started drinking your banana milk.

“Can I have a taste of that?” he asked, voice falling to his baritone register.

Even his goddamn voice was attractive to you.

You took a long sip, letting the taste dance on your tongue before you handed the milk to him. His eyes met yours, and he looked at you as he drank, gaze never once faltering. It was intense, the way he looked at you, and you found you were too much of a coward to hold it. But when your eyes fell to his lips, you realized maybe you weren’t a coward all that much.

Because you desperately wanted to step closer to him and feel his lips against yours.

He handed you the banana milk back before sitting on the couch. You carefully watched him, eyes going down to his lap as he spread his thighs just a little.

Manspreading had never looked as good as when Kim Taehyung was doing it on your couch.

You moved closer to him, sitting with the top of your body angled towards him. He glanced at you, a small smirk adorning his lips. It left you confused for a time, but then again you were fully aware of what he might be thinking.

Hell, you had all but told him you wanted to sleep with him a few weeks ago. And had reiterated it in his car a little under an hour ago.

“How’s work been going?” he asked, taking the conversation on an unexpected curve.

You were glad for it though, because you had no idea how to approach the other subject, the elephant in the room. “It’s been busy, but I’ve had busier weeks”, you admitted. “I imagine it’s not as busy as you.”

“I’m pretty sure working for Samsung can get busy.” He raised his eyebrows, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you were about to deny it. “Don’t lie to me, I know you too well.”

You didn’t know your body could tingle from someone’s word. “Do you?”

A lazy smirk grew on his lips, and your eyes fell to it. “Oh, I do. After all this time, I still do.”

You had no idea how to interpret it, but it did make you feel hot again, like he had made you feel in the car. It was strange to think that it came naturally to Taehyung – making you feel like that. As if he knew the ins and outs of your brain even better than you did.

And maybe he did.

“How is this going to work?” you asked, a little awkwardly as you motioned between the two of you with the hand holding the banana milk.

Avoiding the elephant in the room was pointless after all. You busied yourself with a sip of banana milk as Taehyung’s face fell serious, looking away from you as he seemed to think.

“What do you want to know?” he asked after a time, his words echoing the conversation you had had under a blanket of stars in Daegu.

“Everything”, you replied, throat going dry once again.

He wet his lips, eyes dipping to yours. “You’ve never done anything at all, right?”

As embarrassing as it was, you nodded your head.

“Then I can’t do everything yet, can I?”

You gulped, slightly shaking your head.

“Use your words, Y/n.” The low voice he had used to utter your name made your blood boil in your veins.

“Why can’t you?” you asked, voice small.

“You deserve someone that takes their time with you”, he breathed.

You wondered if he could hear your heart beating out of your chest. “Someone?”

“It’s a good thing I’m the kind of man that likes to take his time”, he continued, not really answering your question. Your teeth instinctively dug in your bottom lip, and you froze as he reached up, thumb releasing your lip. “Don’t do that.”

You slowly nodded.

“Why don’t you finish your milk so we can get started, mmh?” he said, his low baritone voice engulfing you in its warmth as his hand slowly fell to his lap.

You gulped once again, eyes falling down to the forgotten plastic bottle in your hand. You looked at it as if it was foreign, before taking a small sip. Taehyung carefully watched you as you did so, intense gaze observing your features in a way that made you feel seen, like you had never been before.

As if no one had really seen you until Kim Taehyung had been gazing at you.

“I can always finish it later”, you muttered, before putting it down on the floor next to the couch. You sat back, angling your body towards him even more.

“Look at you, so eager to learn”, he said, smirking again. “No wonder you told me what you did that night.” He wet his lips and you found yourself unable to look away from his mouth.

“Gosh, Tae, do you speak to all women like that?”

He offered you a secretive smile, hand moving up between you until his thumb was pulling your lower lip away from the teeth you had unknowingly sunk into it. “Only to the pretty ones.”

Your breath caught in your throat, though you weren’t sure if it was because of his words or because he slowly leaned towards you. Anxiety moved through you, and you widened your gaze as his eyelids fell shut, right before he gently pressed his lips against yours.

You froze, unmoving, not knowing what to do as the plumpness of his mouth met your lips. Taehyung let out a small chuckle as he pulled away, eyes opening to meet your gaze. “Close your eyes, Y/n”, he breathed, caressing your bottom lip with his thumb again. “Just follow my lead.”

You nodded, and your eyelids fluttered shut as he kissed you again, ever so softly. Lips establishing a slow rhythm, one you found easier to follow after the first few seconds. Taehyung’s hand cupped your cheek, pulling you closer, as he turned his head into the kiss, angling his mouth so it met yours in a more intimate embrace.

You sighed, blood rushing to your cheeks as your thoughts zeroed in on the fact that you were currently kissing your childhood crush. A man wanted by so many girls in the world it was hard to believe he had chosen to be with you right now, in this moment.

It almost made you pull away, but when Taehyung swiped his tongue against your lower lip, all thoughts exited your brain and your hand shot to his chest, resting flatly against it. You could feel the beats of his heart, a constant melody that seemed just a little too quick for it to be normal, contrary to the erratic beats of your own heart. You could feel every beat as it echoed in your ribcage, pumping blood to your whole body, and maybe a little more to the warmth between your legs.

Taehyung’s tongue tasted your lips again, and this time you parted them, allowing him entrance. You let out a small breathy sound as his tongue met yours, and you could feel his mouth stretching into a smirk as he continued kissing you, rhythm still ever so calm and soft. As if he didn’t want you to be scared or intimidated by the act of kissing him.

You were way beyond that now.

Taehyung tasted sweet. He tasted of strawberries and honey, and it reminded you of the farm. Of days of summers past, spent in his company and that of his siblings and your brother. It reminded you of sunrays and warm breezes, of leaves dancing in the wind and birds singing in the trees. Of laughter echoing in the house with the red door at the end of the dirt road, where you had grown into the person that you were today.

Taehyung was reassuring, in a nostalgic kind of way. And maybe that, most of all, was the reason why you felt so comfortable with him, so willing to give yourself away to him. You didn’t know if it was safe, if the Taehyung you were with right now was the same that you had known back then, but you found you couldn’t stop.

You found you didn’t want to stop kissing him. Not when the very act of it was intoxicating, liberating, as if you were a bird that had just learned how to soar up above in the clouds.

He brushed his thumb on your cheekbone, bringing you back to reality before gently pulling a stray strand of hair behind your ear. It made butterflies take flight in your stomach, right as you deepened the kiss, pushing your tongue in his mouth just like he had been doing to you a moment ago. Taehyung answered by sucking on it, ever so gently, before pulling away.

The absence of his lips against yours grounded you back into reality, but you kept your eyes closed, chasing the remnants of the kiss in your memory, letting his flavour linger just a little longer.

“You’re such a good girl already”, Taehyung murmured, and his words had a burning sensation take the place of the soft warmth in your core.

“Tae…” you breathed, opening your eyes.

You found him already looking at you, with a slightly widened gaze. As if you were a surprise, something he had never thought he’d see. And maybe you were.

“For someone that has never kissed before, you sure know how to do it”, he said, always a little tease, and his lips spread into a smile. Into a grin, even.

Your blush deepened, right as the corners of your mouth tugged upwards too. “I followed your lead.”

He smirked. “As I said, you’re already such a good girl.”

You chuckled, a small feminine sound you hadn’t expected to have in you. Taehyung echoed it by tilting his head to the side, watching you as if you were a curiosity.

“What now?”

Your question had his mouth parting, smirk disappearing. His eyes clouded with that same desire you had seen earlier, turning darker than they already were. And Taehyung had a dark gaze, a gaze so deep you knew you could get lost in it.

You wondered how many girls had gotten lost in him before. The thought was almost enough to shower your arousal away, yet it clung to you as Taehyung ran a hand along your arm, fingers barely even grazing your skin.

“You will have to be patient, Y/n”, Taehyung said, offering you a wicked smirk that had your insides turning gooey. “This was your first kiss, we shouldn’t jump into something more right away, mmh?”

You wanted to ask why not, but the sweetness that had taken over his voice at his last words stopped you from doing so. Because it was sweet, the way he spoke. As if you were worth all of his time, a show he wanted to appreciate in its full length instead of rushing to the end.

It was a dangerous way to feel. A treacherous one, and you could already feel the ground beneath you tilting, threatening to make you fall. You could only hope your feet wouldn’t give up underneath you, or else you’d slide down the slope.

“I’ve already waited my whole life”, you pointed out, your lust finally winning over your will to remain silent. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Taehyung’s mouth spread in a thin line, as if your words had threatened to make him fall into insanity. He tsked, slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “Then why don’t you take off your shirt?”

You paused for only a half beat before grabbing the hem of it, pulling it over your head. The discarded piece of clothing met the floor, falling softly. Like a feather would fall, a feather from one of the many pillow fights you had shared. It was as if time had slowed, and it really felt like it, as Taehyung’s gaze dropped to your chest, drinking in the sight of you.

“So beautiful”, he whispered, and one of his hands reached forward, palming your breasts over your bra. You stiffened a little, and he met your gaze again, hand pulling away, remaining close enough for you to feel its warmth still. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

You nodded, doing your best not to think more than needed.

He chuckled. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Please touch me”, you quickly said, voice hitching in your throat as Taehyung grabbed you with that big hand of his again, leaning forward to catch your lips in a passionate kiss. It didn’t take long for his other hand to grab onto your other breast, and he pinched your hardened nipples through the fabric.

You moaned. It was an unexpected sound, one that came from deep within your throat. It seemed to set Taehyung haywire, because he grunted into the kiss, biting at your bottom lip. It made you moan again, right as his hands reached to your back to unclasp your bra. He only pulled away once the piece of clothing met your shirt on the floor, eyes falling to your naked breasts for half a second before he moved down, licking at one of your nipples.

Your hand moved in his hair, digits slightly shaking as you grabbed a handful of it to pull him back into another kiss, one that had your teeth clashing together. It didn’t slow you down. Not even a little bit, as Taehyung played with your nipples again, rolling the hardened buds between his thumb and forefinger.

As foreign as the feeling was, it made you arch your back, moaning in his mouth again. He kept going at it for a time, until his lips left yours to move down your neck, leaving a trail of hot wet kisses along your jaw and down to your collarbone. He sucked on it, leaving a small purple bruise behind before going lower, catching one of your nipples in his mouth. You could feel every swipe of his tongue on the sensitive bud, and your eyes fell shut as you arched even more, pushing your breasts into his face as he massaged the free one with one of his hands.

His other hand hovered at your waist, holding you gently. As if he wanted to give you a chance to escape if you wanted to, but still needed to feel more of your skin against his careful digits. And you wanted to feel more of his, you wanted to feel all of his body pressed against all of yours.

A dangerous way to feel indeed.

“Tae…” you breathed again, pulling at his hair a little.

He looked up at you, lips glossed by his ministrations against your nipple, or maybe by the kiss you had previously shared. “Everything okay?”

“I want more.”

He smirked, that same wicked smirk that made you burn inside. “Be patient, Y/n.”

You let out a frustrated sigh, one that hitched in your throat as the hand that was hovering next to your waist moved between your legs, barely grazing your clothed pussy before resting on your inner thigh.

“I won’t have sex with you tonight”, Taehyung told you.

And though the revelation disappointed you, you slowly nodded your head. “That’s okay.”

“I didn’t bring any condoms”, Taehyung added. “Otherwise I’d fuck you all night long.”

His crude words made your eyes widen, right as you pressed your thighs together in the hopes of getting a little friction where you desperately needed it. “You can’t say stuff like that”, you complained.

Taehyung offered you a toothy grin that inched far closer to endearment than lust. “I can and I will.”

You rolled your eyes, though they rolled to the back of your head as he pressed his hand against your core again.

“So receptive”, he praised you. “Why don’t you lay on your back?”

It was a command in a clever disguise. You were pretty sure no one could ever disobey Taehyung, not when he spoke with that deep baritone voice of his. You moved, lying down, legs going on each side of him. He looked down at you, hungrily, teeth slightly biting at his lower lip as he drank you in.

And he did drink you in, making you feel as if you were the finest bottle of wine he had ever tasted. The nectar of the gods, ambrosia making him salivate with the thought of tasting you. Of tasting more of you, all of you, until he knew every flavour of you.

“What do you think of when you touch yourself?” he asked, tilting his head to the side as he ran a hand on your thigh.

Even though you were still wearing pants, the press of his fingers against you had arousal pooling at your core. Always more, your body responding to him in a way it had never responded to you.

You remained silent, half trying to think about a witty answer and half trying not to moan as he pressed a thumb on your clothed self, right on top of your clit. And he pressed hard, a shot of sensitivity running up your spine and making your legs tighten around him. He chuckled at your reaction, before releasing the pressure just enough for thoughts to start taking form in your head again.

And you didn’t know the answer to his question. Most of the time you just thought of romantic scenarios that you had seen in movies or read about in books taking the forefront of your fantasies. But as you looked up at Taehyung through half-lidded eyes, you knew your fantasies were going to change, to morph into the man between your legs.

“I don’t know”, you replied, breath itching in your throat as he pressed harder again.

“Should I give you stuff to think about?”

It was the low voice. The baritone timber of him. You’d let him tell you anything with that voice of his.

Blood rushed to your cheeks as he watched you pointedly, clearly expecting a reply.

“You already are”, you mumbled, and he offered you another wicked smile.

“Then let’s make this better, mmh?”

You would never refuse him making you feel better. So you nodded, arching your back a little as your hips instinctively grinded up into his hand. The dark gaze returned as he pushed you down, before bending forward to press a kiss on your jaw.

The proximity of his mouth to yours had your lips parting open, and a second later your mouths crashed, another passionate kiss searing the deal between you. Burning it into your flesh, turning you into his. Because the way Taehyung kissed you, the way he touched you… It made you feel as if you were his.

And maybe you had always been.

As he kissed you, Taehyung let his hand wander up to your waistband, fingers blindly searching for the button of your pants. Once that was freed, he slid his hand in, sighing in your mouth as you sucked on his bottom lip.

“Fuck, Y/n”, he said. “You’re dripping.”

The sound you let out was incoherent. Somewhere between a moan and a whine, and it disappeared into his mouth, swallowed by him as he kissed you again. And he kissed you for a while, his hand not moving from where he was touching you, above your panties, fingers pressed to your middle.

As if he wanted to feel your juice soaking your panties until they became uncomfortable.

“Do you want me to finger you?” he asked once he stopped kissing you, resting his forehead against yours.

The gesture was sweet even in the heated atmosphere, and a shy smile grew on your lips. “Please”, you murmured.

His hand left you and you almost whined at the loss of contact. You heard fabric rustling, and your eyelids fluttered open to the sight of Taehyung slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt, hungry gaze waiting for yours. And when your gazes locked, Taehyung wet his lips with a dart of his tongue, mouth falling open before it slid into a smirk.

That smirk was going to be the death of you.

“It’s unfair that I’m still fully dressed when I’m about to take your pants off, no?” he teased, even going to the extent of winking at you as he shrugged off his shirt, sending it right to your own shirt on the ground.

As much as his face was attractive, your eyes fell to his body. And it was your turn to drink in the sight of him, to admire the perfect sculpted body displayed in front of you as if it was fine art. Beautiful art, crafted into the shape of the man between your legs.

Once Taehyung was bare-chested, he moved back to your pants, thumbs hooking in the hem as he sent you a questioning glance. You answered by cocking an eyebrow, not really knowing why uncertainty had slid into his gaze.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he enquired, voice gentle yet firm.

Asking for consent like that made Taehyung twice as attractive to you. You nodded your head, biting your lips. “Never been so sure about anything.”

You were bold tonight. Bold under the dark gaze of your best friend’s brother. Someone that had once been the source of all of your daydreams. Teenage you probably was screaming inside of you, somewhere in the corners of your heart where she still reigned. Yet you felt courageous in the vicinity of Kim Taehyung, as if him being attracted to you made you feel twice as powerful. And really, it did. You felt beautiful in his presence.

“That’s good”, Taehyung said, a cocky smirk once again gracing his lips as he started pulling your pants down.

You helped him get past the ass area, before lying back down on the couch. Your gaze remained lost in his as the pants moved all the way down your legs. And he moved slowly, taking his time, enjoying every shiver that shook through you whenever his fingers pressed into your skin a little harder.

Once the pants were off – the socks had come off with them – Taehyung settled himself between your legs again. His eyes hadn’t left yours yet, but you knew that he wanted to look. Knew that he was fighting the male instinct to gaze down at your core, and at the wetness that was pooling on your clothed pussy.

His large hands slowly moved to your thighs, settling right above your knees. They were hot against your skin, burning even, and they remained unmoving for a time. When you shivered again, Taehyung let out a deep chuckle that had you seeing stars. He knew what he was doing to you, and he was enjoying it. Far too much for your own good.

His hands started sliding up, ever so slowly, right as his gaze returned to the dark dangerous look. It was even darker now, and he almost looked like a demon sitting between your legs. Like a starved demon that’d finally get a taste of a virgin soul. And though you were a virgin, you were not innocent. You didn’t have to look between his legs to see his erection pressing against his pants. You knew Taehyung wanted you, from the harsh set of his jaw to the slight tilt of his head to the side.

His fingers tickled your skin as they moved up, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. You didn’t dare move lest he’d stop, so you froze. Stopped breathing altogether as you waited for his touch on the place you wanted him the most.

Yet it never came. Taehyung stopped before he reached your core. You could feel the ghost of his touch between your legs, maybe because his thumbs were almost reaching up to your folds. But not quite, stopping just an inch from your pussy.

And then his hands left you entirely, and you shot a glare at him.              

His face had turned serious, and he looked so different from how he usually looked you found your boldness fleeing from you.

“On your stomach”, he ordered. As you hesitated for a time, Taehyung cocked an eyebrow. “I want to see that perfect ass of yours.”

You flushed red, and if you hadn’t been as aroused as you were, you probably would have told him your ass was far from perfect. But you had no words left in you, only obedience. So you moved, awkwardly turning until your legs had switched places on each side of him.

Taehyung’s hands moved back on you then, grabbing your waist carefully as you looked at him over your shoulder.

“So fucking pretty”, he praised you, and the slap he landed on your ass had your body moving forward.

It stung, but Taehyung quickly massaged the hurt away. And then he kept massaging you, his big hands moving up until they found all the knots in your back, easing the tension out of you better than anything else could have.

Everywhere he touched you he left a burning trail behind, until you were pretty sure you were going to combust if he didn’t touch between your legs soon. It was like he had sensed it, because Taehyung moved back down your back, and one of his hands cupped an ass cheek while the other moved between your legs, skilled fingers immediately going to your clit.

You moaned, surprising even yourself, and you hid your face in the couch.

“Don’t muffle your sounds”, Taehyung reprimanded you, and he landed another slap to your ass. “I want to hear every little sound you make while I’m pleasuring you.”

Right on cue, his fingers moved on your clit again, and another moan found its way up your throat. You almost choked on it, yet the sound fell from your parted lips, and Taehyung slapped your ass again for good measure.

“Good girl.”

One of his long fingers moved up, between your legs. Touching your center, pressing on the wetness pooling there. Just enough for you to whine, hips moving instinctively again.

“Be patient”, he said, tutting. “I’ll give you everything you want.”

Your arousal was rising, inside of you. Reaching heights you had never seen before, and the sight of the world from up there was scary. You could only hope the fall wouldn’t be too harsh.

Taehyung kept pressing circles on your clit, playing with the sensitive organ. His touch wasn’t too hard, yet with your panties it felt uncomfortable. A little too much, and the friction of the wet fabric against you made you tighten your legs.

“Tae?” you breathed out. He stopped moving, expectantly silent waiting for you to continue. “Can you take off my panties?”

“You’re getting sensitive, mmh?”

You wanted to punch the male cockiness out of him but all you could do was nod your head as you glanced at him over your shoulder.

He was looking down at you with that half smile of his, and he wet his lips as one of his fingers hooked on the side of your panties, the pad of his digit resting on one of your folds. You gulped, trying to hold his gaze, but as he started slowly sliding a finger in, your eyelids fluttered shut, sealing together.

Suddenly, you couldn’t remember what you had just asked. You couldn’t remember anything, as your mind went blank. All that was left was the slow inching of his finger inside of you.

“You play with yourself like this?”

His question had you furrowing your brows. “Tae…”

“You’re so wet I could probably fuck you like that”, he said, sounding as if he was pondering. As if he was debating doing it and you almost wanted to beg him. To beg him to do it, and fuck you into oblivion. “But we can always do that later.”

As he talked his finger started pulling out, and he quickly pushed it back in before it had fully exited your pussy. You let out another breathy sound, though this time it took the shape of his name. He started pumping, slowly, and the squelching sound between your legs would have embarrassed you if you hadn’t already been too far gone to even acknowledge it.

Right when you thought you were going to be able to open your eyes and look at him, Taehyung pushed another one of his long digits inside of you. It stretched you, just a little, but it didn’t hurt. It just felt even better, all sensations doubling up inside of you until stars danced on the blackness of your tightly shut eyelids. He added scissoring motions to the whole ordeal, stretching you wide open as his hungry eyes looked at you. The way he moved made your panties rub on your clit again, and you let out a small whine.

Taehyung stopped moving, fingers knuckle deep inside of you, as he massaged your ass with his other hand. “Everything okay?”

“My panties”, you let out, unable to form a full sentence.

Yet it was enough for Taehyung to get the clue and his fingers pulled out of you as he grabbed the hem of your panties to take them off of you. You waited patiently for him to touch you again, eyes fluttering open as he struggled to pull your panties down your legs.

“Kinda hard in this position”, he muttered, and you blushed a little as you met his gaze.

He looked ethereal. Hair a little out of place with a dark strand falling in front of his eyes. His skin was glowing in a honey shade that gave him a warm vibe, that same warm vibe he had always been filled with back when you had been too young to know about sex and the likes.

And though you now knew, everything felt the same. Taehyung was always going to be his same self. Or so you hoped.

You moved, sitting up a little to help him take off your panties. It had your eyes slide to his lap, and to the prominent bulge that was pushing against his pants. He looked big, even hidden from your eyes, and you could feel your mouth salivating.

You wanted to get a taste of him. But you had no idea how to do it, no idea how to vocalize your want, so you only turned until you were lying on your back, half-lidded eyes searching Taehyung’s face for his own gaze.

But his gaze was elsewhere. His gaze was on the spot between your parted legs, where juice was slowly dripping. Your brain started forming a thought about your couch getting ruined, but before it could fully take shape Taehyung’s eyes snapped to yours.

“I think you’ve got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.”

The compliment made you blush, and your thighs instinctively moved to close together. He tutted, stopping them with his large hands.

“None of that, I want to see all of you.”

“You already have”, you muttered, cheeks turning a dark shade of red.

He let out a small laugh as he massaged your thighs up and down a couple of times again. “Doesn’t mean that I got enough.”

A smile pulled at the corners of your lips, but before you could say something one of his hands had found its way to your core again, and he slid two fingers in. Your mouth fell open as your eyes locked with his. He pumped his fingers in a couple of times before arching them, finding a spot inside of you that had the corners of your vision turning blurry.

“I think I could make you cum like this”, he said.

All you could do was nod because, sure enough, an orgasm was on the horizon, and you could feel the wave crashing towards you. But Taehyung slowed, almost coming to a full stop, before sitting a little farther away. You watched him curiously, until he bent down, his face coming dangerously close to your heat.

He blew a hot breath on your sensitive clit, and a hot shiver shot up your spine. “Can I eat you out?”

You nodded, quickly. “Please…” you breathed out.

Taehyung didn’t need any more to dive in. And dive in he did, lips closing around your clit as he sucked it, tongue flicking at it. You moaned, loudly, and one of your hands got lost in his hair. His fingers resumed their ministrations against that sweet spot inside of you, right as he rested his tongue flatly against your clit, rubbing it until the wave rushed closer to you. You could feel the orgasm taking shape in your lower stomach, a burning sensation that promised to wash away what was left of your sanity. And you didn’t even know if anything was left: all you knew was that your walls were clenching against his fingers, and the grunt he let out pushed you over the edge.

You came in a blinding flash of white light, your lips parting open on a silent moan as you pushed your hips up, pressing yourself harder against his tongue. Your pussy pulsated against his fingers and yet he didn’t slow down. Just kept on pleasuring you, milking every last drop of your orgasm out of you until you were pretty sure you’d die from the oversensitivity. But you didn’t want him to stop, only wanted to feel his fingers inside of you and his tongue against your clit.

Taehyung had other things in mind though, because he pulled away, pressing a kiss on the inside of your thigh as he moved up to a kneeling position. You could barely focus on him. No, you were blinded by the aura surrounding him. An aura of ecstasy that made you want to wrap your legs around him, until you’d feel the bulge in his pants pressing against you.

He bit his lip, though he let you pull him closer. Even pushed forward, and your eyes shut as his erection pressed against your sensitive clit.

“Way to ruin my Prada pants”, he stated and that most of all brought you back down to reality.

You released him from the prison of your legs, slowly pushing yourself up so you could sit. But your arms gave out under you, the remnants of your orgasm making you feel far too weak for you to sit yet.

“Sorry”, you mumbled sheepishly.

He bent down, pressing a kiss on your lips that had your eyes shutting instinctively as you wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close to you. You wondered if your hearts were beating in synch as the warm skin of his chest pressed against your breasts, and before you could tell Taehyung pulled away.

“It’s okay”, he reassured you. “Where’s the bathroom?”

It took you a long time to understand why he was asking. And you only did when you realized he was holding his hand away from the fabric of your couch, not wanting to stain it.

“Oh”, you let out. You glanced to the side, until your eyes fell on a closed door. “Over there.”

Taehyung followed your line of gaze, nodding his head before getting up. “I’ll be right back.”

“I should probably get cleaned up too”, you said, and he offered you a warm smile.

“I’ll bring you back a towel.” It was said sweetly, and you couldn’t help the flutter that took over your heart as he turned around, exposing the skin of his back to your eyes.

You watched him go, and watched him wash his hands from the open door of the bathroom as he hadn’t shut it behind him. He threw you a glance, probably because he could feel your heavy gaze on the side of his face. He turned off the tap, cocking an eyebrow as he grabbed the towel you usually used to dry your hands. He walked back towards you, and his gait was predatory. Maybe because it was slow and he was goddamn Kim Taehyung, but mostly because his eyes still were set in that dark look.

You didn’t think you’d survive that look.

“Let me clean you up”, he said with that low voice of his as he stopped next to you, before sitting in the spot where he had been a moment ago.

As with everything that came with Taehyung, you didn’t find it in you to say no. You only winced when he pressed the towel between your legs, your overstimulated pussy feeling every tiny fiber of the cloth as he cleaned you up.

When he was done, he put the towel on the floor beside the couch. Your eyes followed his every move, and before you could realize it, you said, “I want to suck your dick”.

He paused as he was almost sitting back in his spot, and his head turned towards you.

“Do you?” he asked, as his two eyebrows shot up towards his hairline.

You had taken Kim Taehyung by surprise, hadn’t you?

“I want to make you feel good”, you said, and you had the decency to blush as you realized just how crude you were being.

He wet his lips, and one of his large hands palmed himself through his pants. “Do you think you could take it all?”

You looked down at his lap, eyes following the shape of his dick underneath the fabric. You actually didn’t know. He looked big, far bigger than what you thought was possible. Maybe because you had never really seen a dick before, not feeling like going to the trouble of downloading porn just so you could get off to it.

It wasn’t like you had really needed it to get off anyway. And with what had just happened, you didn’t think you’d ever need it.

“You can teach me how.” You said it innocently, teeth sinking into your lower lip.

Taehyung didn’t reply. He just stared at you until your eyes met his again. From the periphery of your vision, you saw him unbutton and unzip his pants. His hand slid in, probably wrapping against his dick. Most definitely jerking himself off, in all truth. It made your breath catch in your throat as you kept holding the intensity of his gaze.

He was going to make you catch fire soon.

“Had I known you’d be so greedy I’d have talked to you sooner”, he murmured, adding your name at the end in that low dangerous baritone of his voice.

You couldn’t resist. You closed the space between you, lips meeting his. You wondered if the salty taste that had overcome his mouth was from eating you out, and it just turned you on further. As if you weren’t already a wildfire.

You let one of your hands move until it was touching him. His dick was moving under the fabric as he jerked himself and you let out a moan as his tongue slipped in your mouth. He answered it by grunting, a guttural sound that had you see stars.

His hand moved out of his pants, moving up until he was cupping your cheek. You kept on palming him, and his dick twitched under your fingers.

“You’re so big”, you murmured against his lips.

He inhaled sharply, before pulling away from the kiss. “I want to see your pretty lips wrapped around me.”

He moved your hand so he could take off his pants. You couldn’t help looking down until your eyes caught sight of his dick. You were right: he was big. Big and angry red and leaking precum all over the head as his dick rested against his abdomen. A thick vein ran up and down his cock, and part of you thought you could see his pulse in it. You reached forward, fingers grazing the vein, following it until you moved to the head. You collected the precum on your forefinger, before looking Taehyung in the eyes as you sucked your finger clean.

Kim Taehyung tasted heavenly. Or maybe you were just drunk with lust.

Your little act had him rest his head against the couch, letting out a low curse that had you smirk.

“You’re so attractive”, he muttered as he looked at you through half-lidded eyes. You let your finger go as your lips spread in a smirk, before you moved off from the couch. Taehyung watched you as you kneeled in front of him. He spread his legs just a little to allow you easy access, and you caught sight of his balls. You wondered what it would feel like to suck on them and you instinctively leaned forward, licking between the two of them.

“Fuck.”

His small word had you let out a small chuckle. It made you feel sexy, powerful, and you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock.

“You’ll have to guide me”, you said.

He looked down, meeting your gaze as you pumped his dick slowly.

“First, you can grab it harder”, he told you. “I like when it’s tight.”

You shivered, obeying as your grip on his dick tightened. You licked your lips, waiting expectantly.

“You might want to suck on the head first. I don’t think I could stop myself from fucking your pretty mouth.”

“Then do it.”

It was too bold. You were too bold, a stranger to yourself. Maybe the demon inhabiting Taehyung’s eyes had inhabited you too, and it had made you go insane.

Taehyung hissed. “Let’s keep some stuff for another time, shall we?” He brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, fingers lingering against your cheek. “I just want to feel your lips and tongue on me.”

You wondered if he could feel the heat of your cheeks as you flushed red. You doubted so, as you had been flushed red with ecstasy all night.

“I don’t know how to do it”, you breathed, sounding a little more like yourself for once.

He smiled. “Just lick at the head. Taste me.”

You held his gaze as you moved forward, tongue darting out to touch the head. You didn’t blink once as you swirled your tongue around him, collecting all the precum until the salty taste had coated all of your tongue. “Like that?” you said, a little innocently.

His shallow breathing was enough of an answer. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you did it again, this time following the base of the head. You found a spot at the back that felt a little different, and you pushed on it.

Taehyung grabbed the side of your head, before closing his hand on some of your hair. It pulled at your scalp, but not enough to hurt. It only made your eyes open.

“Do that again”, he instructed.

You obeyed and he threw his head back. You made a mental note that that seemed to work, before moving a little closer to him, until your mouth was hovering over his dick.

“Suck me”, he breathed, right as you wrapped your lips around his dick.

You licked at the slit of his dick, cleaning it from the new precum that had accumulated there. Taehyung grunted, and a second later you were moving down his dick.

He hissed. “Careful with your teeth.”

You hadn’t realized you had grazed him with your teeth, but you assumed he was in a better position to tell. You loosened your jaw, before pulling away. Taehyung let you do it, but as you were about to entirely let go of his dick, he thrusted up.

You gagged and he let go of your hair as you sat back on your heels.

“I am so sorry”, he apologized, eyes round as you met his gaze. “I didn’t mean…”

You chuckled, blinking away the tears that had formed because of the gag reflex. “It’s okay.”

He wet his lips, nodding his head. “You don’t have to suck my dick.”

You rolled your eyes, before jerking him up and down a few times. It shut him up, and he rested his head against the couch again, eyes fluttering shut.

Taehyung was attractive, from this angle. Sharp jaw that could cut through steel, dark locks falling all around his face. His chest had taken on a red flush, and it moved up and down quickly with his quick breathing.

You licked the head of his dick again, focusing on the spot you had found earlier. You sucked on it, using your tongue to play with it a little more, before you took him in again. This time, you didn’t try moving down his dick again. You focused on sucking on the head, hollowing your cheeks as you pumped his cock, keeping the tight grip he seemed to like.

He grunted as your tongue circled his head. “If you want”, he said after a time, “you can play with my balls at the same time.”

You immediately reached up with your free hand, grabbing his balls in your palm. You tightened your grip around them, and Taehyung shuddered under your touch.

“A little gentler with the balls, baby”, he said, chuckling.

You pulled away. “Sorry.”

“No”, he breathed, shaking his head. “You’re doing great.”

You had no idea if that was true, but it made your mouth salivate for more of his taste. So you guided him in your mouth again, this time taking him as far deep as you could. He moaned, even while half of his cock didn’t even fit in. You jerked him off, resting your tongue flat against him until you found the thick vein you had seen earlier.

You hollowed your cheeks, and your gaze locked with Taehyung as he finally opened his eyes. The dark look in his gaze was different now, as if he was about to break. And maybe he was going to break, his cock getting harder in your mouth as you bobbed your head up and down. Once in a while, you choked on him, and he let out a deep grunt that only made you want to go faster, to take more of him in. It was hard in the position, so you kept using your hands.

Your jaw ached, from how large he was. From having to keep your mouth open so wide to be able to take him in. It was a dull ache, and you ignored it, focusing on him. Focusing on making him feel good as you moved to a quick rhythm he established by pushing your head up and down on him.

You didn’t mind. You liked that he took control. It made a new heat pool between your legs, and you moaned against his cock.

“I’m going to cum soon”, Taehyung told you, before letting out a broken moan that sounded like your name. “Are you going to be a good girl and swallow everything?”

You would have said yes had you been in a position where you could talk. Instead, you moaned again, sucking on him harder. Taehyung moaned too, in a deep sound that made you shiver with lust for him, and a second later hot spurts of his cum hit the back of your throat. Your eyes shut, and you kept on sucking him, swallowing everything he threw at you. And he came a lot, the bitter taste making it very hard not to gag. As he came, Taehyung’s second hand grabbed your head, and his hips thrusted forward again. Not enough to make you choke around him, luckily enough.

When you were sure you had milked the last of his cum from his cock, you pulled away, licking your lips clean once you were sitting back on your heels. Taehyung looked spent on the couch, yet he pushed himself up a little, until he was leaning towards you.

“Open your mouth”, he said, holding onto your jaw with a firm grip. You obeyed, showing him that you had swallowed everything. He smirked, patting your cheek. “The best girl.”

You nodded, blushing a little as your mouth fell shut. He held your gaze for a time, before glancing around your apartment. His eyes eventually fell to your banana milk next to the couch, the drink long forgotten in the heat and passion you had shared.

“You might want to drink that to change the taste”, he said, letting out a soft laugh.

Your eyes dipped to his softening cock, and you nodded your head as you got up. “Let me just grab a shirt to put on.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Put my shirt on.”

Still that commanding tone of his… it was going to make you go crazy.

Scratch that, you were already crazy. Far more than you had ever thought you’d be. Hell, you had just given a blowjob to your best friend’s older brother. To Kim Taehyung, a member of the biggest boyband in the world.

You grabbed his dress shirt. It was a soft pink colour. For a moment you thought you had seen it somewhere, but the ecstasy that still clung to you made it hard to think. You put it on, buttoning up until your body was finally hidden from his hungry eyes. Yet they didn’t look all that hungry anymore. They just looked tired, positively so.

“I can’t believe we did this”, he said, a little breathlessly, as you finally sat next to him again, banana milk in hand. While you had been putting his shirt on, he had put his pants back on, hiding his soft dick from view. Yet you still could admire the warm skin of his chest, and the red flush that adorned the top part of it.

“Eunjin is never going to believe this”, you muttered.

Taehyung met your gaze, eyes widening a little. “She cannot know.” You paused, banana milk halfway to your mouth. Taehyung must have read something in your eyes, because he continued, “She’ll kill me if she knows. She already was pissed that I let you sleep in my bed the night of her party.”

You were surprised at the disappointment that rose inside of you. It tasted bitter, but not the kind of bitter Taehyung’s cum had tasted like. No, it tasted of regret.

“Oh”, you let out. You busied yourself with drinking the milk to hide the disappointment. Taehyung noticed it, though. You were pretty sure he did, so you quickly said, “It’s okay. Just weird, because we tell each other everything.”

Taehyung slowly nodded, wetting his lips. “I know.” He once again reached up, putting a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I just don’t want the drama that would come with it.”

You didn’t really want it either. And he was right, Eunjin could cause a lot of drama if she wanted. You loved her endlessly, but you didn’t want her to scold you for achieving one of your teenage fantasies.

“Besides, I’d like to see you again”, Taehyung added. “I need to be alive for that, and we both know Jinnie will murder me if she knows.”

You laughed. Taehyung wanted to see you again?

“I’d rather you not die”, you said.

Taehyung offered you a secretive smile accompanied by a tilt of his head to the side. You held his dark gaze. Somewhere in its depth you could feel the demon watching you. And even though you were happy Taehyung wanted to see you again, the demon lurking in the shadows had your heart squeezing in your chest.

You were pretty sure it was just a matter of time before it ripped it from your ribcage.

 ***

               Kim Taehyung was a kind human being. Sweet as honey, with a smile that spread warmth wherever he went. You had seen him again three times, after that very first time, and he still swept you off your feet. He took to caring for you – offering you food and letting you wear his clothes whenever you felt like it. But Kim Taehyung was a busy man, and weeks passed without you hanging out.

You never had sex. The three times you had hung out had just been filled with cuddling, holding hands and make-out sessions that left you breathless. The orgasms he pulled out of you contributed to it too, you were pretty sure. Never going further than preliminaries, Taehyung still managed to make you come undone under his skilled fingers. But he never gave in to more. Whenever you asked, he said that you weren’t ready, and that you had to be patient.

You were tired of being patient. But then he kissed your forehead, smiled that sweet smile of his, and your annoyance dwindled away.

You hadn’t seen the demon in his eyes again, after that first time. Or you had just become blind to it. Sometimes you thought it didn’t really show up because Taehyung appreciated spending time with you. And he did say so. He only looked slightly uncomfortable when you suggested having sex for real, so you had decided to stop asking.

He’d give it to you whenever the time was right.

The Holidays rushed in, a little under two months after that first time you had seen him, and as they did family traditions settled in. You moved back to Daegu for the week off you had – first time you had it off since you had started working for Samsung. You were excited for it, mostly because you’d get to spend it with Eunjin’s family and yours. Even your brother was coming, along with his fiancée.

It promised to be an exciting time indeed.

“Do you think I should wear this?” Eunjin asked.

You were currently sprawled on her bed, scrolling through Instagram as she unpacked her suitcase. Sung-tan-jul was on the morrow, and it seemed Eunjin wanted to dress up for it. Which was useless, because it was just going to be your family and hers, and none of you had ever really been traditional.

“Uh?” you let out, scrolling to the next picture on your feed. It was a BTS edit, and your cheeks flushed red as Taehyung appeared on the screen.

To think Kim Taehyung had been between your legs more than once was the strangest thought. It felt surreal, yet it was the truth. A truth set in stone, one he reminded you of as he texted you. Your phone dinged, and Eunjin threw herself on the bed next to you.

“You’re not even listening.”

You blushed, hiding the notification from her. “Just wear whatever, it’s not like it really matters.”

It was a lie, sort of. Because you had prepared your prettiest outfits for the week, knowing that Taehyung would be here. You wanted to look good for him, because God knew Kim Taehyung never looked bad.

“I’ve looked through your clothes and you just brought designer stuff.” She rolled her eyes as you glanced at her. “It’s like you’re trying to impress someone.”

You hoped she didn’t see you blanch because you sure had.

“You know I like fashion”, you said.

That wasn’t a lie. You had always liked fashion, and you had gotten a raise earlier this year at work that had allowed you to start indulging in your passion, buying clothes you had never thought you would be able to afford.

“You do, and it’s annoying because you have a better sense of style than I do and I always look bad next to you.”

You sent her a pointed glance. “Bitch, you are the prettiest. I don’t have the choice but to dress well if I want to compare.”

Eunjin tsked, yet she remained silent as a smile stretched on her lips at the compliment.

You fell into a comfortable silence, and you continued scrolling through your phone. Eunjin did the same next to you, and she eventually started filling the silence with talks of her new work crush.

Scratch that, she was complaining about the guy. But you knew by the way she was getting worked up that there was more to it. She was your best friend after all.

You were surprised that she hadn’t realized the change in you. The change Taehyung had brought to you. Maybe because it was hidden, that change. Just for you and him to know. It felt exciting, to have a secret to hide. Like you were doing something you shouldn’t be doing, and the thrill of it had you craving for Taehyung’s touch a little more every day.

“Does she always complain like that?” the man’s deep baritone voice said from the door.

It was like thinking of him had summoned him out of thin air. Eunjin yelped, jumping out of bed to embrace Taehyung.

“Oppa, you idiot!” she said. “I thought you were only coming tomorrow.”

He smiled at you over her shoulder. A secretive smile, one that had butterflies forming in your stomach and warmth blossoming between your legs.

The effect he had on you… it was dangerous, considering you were going to spend a week under the same roof as him without having the opportunity to really spend time alone together.

“I was able to come earlier”, he said as they pulled away from their embrace. “Hi, Y/n.”

You shut your phone, sitting up in the bed. “Hey, Tae.”

Eunjin had her brows knit together when she turned to look at you. You had messed up, hadn’t you?

“Since when are you so casual with him?” she threw at you, tone accusative.

You shrugged your shoulders, hoping she couldn’t see your heart beating out of your chest. “Maybe since the party you threw during which he had to take care of me because you got me too drunk?”

Taehyung stifled a laugh as Eunjin’s gaze widened. “I got you drunk? Girl, you did that all by yourself.”

Maybe you had. You just offered her a crooked grin, before meeting Taehyung’s gaze. The world seemed to slow around you, and for a moment there was just you and him. You wished you could close the space between you, press your lips to taste the honey sweetness of his, but you resisted, your grin melting into a tight-lipped smile instead. He replied with a wink that went unnoticed to Eunjin before saying that dinner was soon going to be ready. Eunjin pushed him out of the room, before shutting the door behind her.

“Let me get changed before we go down.”

And that was how the Holidays began for you. It was warm, fun and nostalgic, reminding you of younger days. As everything did, when it came to the Kims and their childhood house. Your childhood house too, as you had spent most of your time here. It was also the first time your brother’s fiancée, Choi Ryunjin, spent time like that with your family. She had been very shy around Taehyung at first, but she had soon melted under the warmth of his smile, and the group that had once been five was six.

It was perfect. Sung-tan-jul, that is. With laughter and whiskey, and gifts exchanged next to a plastic Christmas tree, as snow fell lazily outside. There wasn’t a lot of it, but still the world outside was soon covered by a white blanket that made for a perfect Christmas.

It was an idyllic picture, just as much as the new memories you were making.

Taehyung was warm. Warmth incarnate, even. You shared longing looks and quick touches, when nobody was looking. It made your heart race, but you knew better than to go to him in the middle of the night. Even though your body was aching for it, you just wanted to spend time with him as a friend.

A little foolish part of you hoped it would help with the relationship you shared. Though situationship was probably a more accurate word.

Eunjin didn’t seem to suspect a thing in the days that followed. Didn’t notice that Taehyung always managed to sit next to you, only so he could press his thigh against yours. Taehyung was a touchy man and you loved it to no end. It made you feel important, even if all you were was some sort of friends with benefits.

On the day before New Year’s Eve, the house fell silent for the first time in almost a week, most of everyone deciding to go enjoy the nice weather outside with a stroll through the fields, while the mothers made a trip to the market to gather whatever was needed for the celebrations the next day. You had stayed behind because you wanted to get some work done, and you were sitting in Eunjin’s dad’s office when Taehyung appeared at the door, cheeks pink from the cold outside.

“You should come with us”, he said, hands hidden behind his back.

Even dressed casually Taehyung looked good. Black jeans paired with a black t-shirt that he had tucked in his pants, and he had completed the look with a black belt made of real leather. His hair was ruffled by the wind outside, and the dust of pink on his features made him look so real.

Real and human in the most beautiful way, for a man that had been stealing your breath away for so long now.

“I’m almost done with work”, you said, stretching as you held in a yawn.

Taehyung leaned against the doorframe, his hands still hidden behind his back. “You shouldn’t be working during the holidays.”

“I’m pretty sure you are used to working during the holidays.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Not this year though. And I’d like to spend some time with you.”

It hit you then, that you hadn’t even had a second to yourselves since coming here. Just stolen touches and glances whenever you could, but nothing that you could add to the memories you had been making with Taehyung ever since November. Memories that were just yours to know, your little secret that made for the most beautiful garden in your heart.

“Do you?” you said as blood rushed to your cheeks.

He nodded, before pushing up from the door frame and walking towards you. “I haven’t even had the chance to give you your Sung-tan-jul gift.”

Your eyes widened as he revealed what he had been hiding behind his back: a red velvet box, with an elegant bow holding it close. It looked expensive, and you quickly shook your head.

“Oh no, Tae, you shouldn’t have gotten...”

The smile on his lips turned into a dangerous smirk that had your words die in your throat. He held out the box, and you knew you had turned a shade darker as you grabbed it.

“What is it?” you asked as you ran fingers on the soft velvet.

“Open it.”

You threw him a cautious glance, before gently pulling on the bow until it came undone. You hesitated for half a second before lifting the lid of the box and you were left dumbfounded for a time. Staring at the contents of the box without realizing what they were.

And then realization fell upon you, and you quickly put the lid back on the box.

“Oh my God, Taehyung, why did you give me this here?” you said, as your heart beat frantically in your chest. “What if someone sees it?”

He shrugged, a boyish smile gracing his pretty features. “Nobody is inside.”

“But someone could…”

“It’s just for you to know, sweetheart”, Taehyung interjected, and once again your words died on your lips. “I just thought we could take the next step in all of this.” His last words were punctuated by a motion of his to the air surrounding you.

All of this… Did he really think you would be willing to get tied up and blindfolded here? And you were pretty sure the leathery thing in the middle of the box was a whip of some sort…

Kim Taehyung was out of his mind, and you couldn’t even bring it in you to be mad at you. No, the blood that had raced to your cheeks had trickled down to your core, and warmth lit up your soul.

“But here?”

Your question lingered in the air, as you met his heavy gaze and tried to hold it. You were too much of a coward, and your eyes fell to the floor.

“Well, it’s my birthday”, he pointed out.

It was. You had wished him a happy birthday first thing in the morning, and had hugged him for a moment. A friendly hug, though he had held on to you for a little longer than necessary. No one had paid any mind to it, but the moment had been replaying in your thoughts on a loop ever since this morning.

“Someone could hear us”, you breathed, right as his hand reached for your chin.

He tilted your head backwards, until your eyes had met his again. “You’d just have to be quiet.”

“Eunjin will realize if I’m not in bed with her.” You were defiant, just a little. Something you had realized worked well when Taehyung desired you.

He wet his lips, before leaning down. To your surprise, the kiss landed on your forehead, and your eyelids fluttered shut instinctively.

“You know there could be a typhoon outside and she’d sleep through it.” He straightened, and your eyes fluttered open.

He wasn’t wrong, but he was still crazy if he thought you’d do anything with him when both of your families were under the same roof.

“You’re out of your mind”, you mumbled, and his thumb pulled on your bottom lip. Your mouth fell open, and he leaned down once again, this time kissing you softly before pulling away.

“For you?” He paused, as if to give emphasis to his words. “Always.”

Your hand reached out in the space between you, fingers hooking with the loop of his pants to make sure he wouldn’t pull away. Because you didn’t want him to pull away just yet. Not when your heart filled with warmth and butterflies rose in your stomach.

“You can’t say stuff like that”, you complained.

It wasn’t your first time telling him that. Whenever Taehyung said some stuff that made your heart race, you tended to remind him that whatever you shared was just physical. He was merely teaching you about sex, and you couldn’t let feelings intervene.

You knew situations like the one you shared never ended well when feelings were implied.

“Sorry”, he apologized, though he looked the least bit apologetic. “I’ve just missed being with you.”

He was letting you interpret his words however you wanted. You could tell from the way he was looking down at you. So you interpreted them as a craving of his body, and not something his heart might want. Because you weren’t stupid: there wasn’t a universe out there where Kim Taehyung might want you for more than that. You were both driven by lust, and by a teenage crush that had just held stronger than you had first believed. There was no affection between the two of you, other than that of the affection one holds for a childhood friend.

“So have I”, you breathed, pulling him a little closer.

His crotch was at eye-level with your gaze, yet you refused to look down. You knew the position was most definitely driving him insane though, and it made you feel powerful.

He often did that. Make you feel powerful, that is. It was addicting, like everything that came with him. Taehyung was like a cigarette, and the nicotine addiction was burning you from the inside out.

He grabbed your hand, pulling you up to your feet. You didn’t resist, following his lead until he had wrapped your arms around his neck and had put his large hands on your waist. There seemed to be a moment of the world holding its breath, and then Taehyung leaned down, pressing his lips against yours.

You melted into his touch, kissing him back with all the want in you. All the passion and the burning and the intoxicating feelings he brought up in you. He met your fire with a swipe of his tongue against your bottom lip, and you parted your mouth open for him.

“Oppa, do you know where eoma keeps the gloves?” Eunjin yelled, probably from downstairs.

You jumped out of Taehyung’s arms, face burning red, insides the temperature of molten metal. He had a startled expression on his face, but his voice didn’t waver as he replied to his sister, before adding, “I’ll be out in a second”.

You listened to Eunjin move downstairs, heart beating wildly in your chest. It didn’t calm down until you heard the door open and close downstairs, and the house fell silent again.

“That was close”, Taehyung said, boxy grin on his lips.

He took a step towards you, and you stepped back. “Nu-uh, no more of this until tonight”, you warned him.

His grin turned into a smirk, and he looked at you with his smoldering gaze for a time. “I’ll be waiting for you then.”

You nodded, slowly, taking a deep breath to calm the wild beats of your heart. Your gaze moved to the box you had left discarded on the desk next to your laptop. “And also hide that somewhere. Eunjin will see it if I put it in her room.”

“Yes, ma’am”, Taehyung agreed. There was a teasing undertone to his voice, and you folded your arms on your chest, getting ready to scold him when he stepped closer so quickly you didn’t have time to move back. He pressed a kiss on the tip of your nose, before smiling at you with that blinding smile of his.

You stood, stunned, as he grabbed the box before walking out of the room, throwing a wink at you over his shoulder. And then he was gone, and you were left fighting your treacherous heart.

You reminded yourself that you couldn’t fall in love. You’d never be delusional enough to fall in love with him. But when he acted like that, it made it far too easy for your heart to fill with endearment. It was dangerous ground to tread.

You didn’t want to set yourself up for a broken heart.

 *****

                 The house was dark when you stepped outside Eunjin’s room, somewhere between midnight and one in the morning. Her snores had been keeping you awake, that was true, but it mostly was the perspective of meeting with Taehyung that had kept your eyes wide open, waiting until you were convinced Eunjin wouldn’t realize you were gone.

Taehyung had been teasing, all night. All smirks and winks when nobody was watching. He had caressed your thigh under the table during the meal, unbeknownst to everyone. Everyone but you, who had been forced to clench your teeth as you had tried to ignore the effect he had on you.

As if that was likely to ever happen. He was Kim Taehyung. You didn’t think there was a world out there where Kim Taehyung didn’t have an effect on the women surrounding him. Especially when he had been your childhood crush.

His room was down the hallway, and you had to pass in front of Jeongyu’s room to get there. Luckily enough, Jeongyu had lent his room to your parents for the weekend, and you knew your father’s loud breathing was going to cover the creaking of the hallway as you tiptoed towards Taehyung’s room. You could only hope your mother wouldn’t need to go to the bathroom while you were with Taehyung.

Yet… the possibility of getting caught… it made you feel hot, in some way. Because you were breaking rules. You, the perfect daughter that had never done anything she shouldn’t…

It was way past time to be imperfect.

You reached Taehyung’s room, heart beating wildly against your ribcage. You knocked, a gentle knock that probably hadn’t even sounded on his side of the door. Yet the door slowly opened, and Taehyung’s face appeared in the crack between the door and the wall. His eyes shone brightly, expectantly, and as soon as he focused on you, he opened the door for you to walk in.

Needless to say, he very carefully shut it behind you, as you took a few tentative steps in his room.

“You…” you breathed, a little louder than you had first intended.

“Shh”, he shushed you. He walked to you, gently grabbing your arm to make you turn towards him.

You obeyed, because you always obeyed whatever Taehyung told you to do, and you found yourself facing him. Well, tilting your head back to look up at him, as he stood closer to you than you had expected him to be.

Taehyung wasn’t a particularly tall man, but when he was next to you it felt as if he towered over you, with a dangerous look in his eyes that made you gulp.

“We don’t want someone to hear us”, he pointed out, before bending down to press a chaste kiss on your lips. When he straightened, his eyes had recovered their mischievous shine. “Do you know how pretty you were tonight?”

You blushed, wetting your lips. “I wanted to look good for you.”

“I figured.” He smirked, slowly nodding his head. He then grabbed your hand, looking around his room. “How do you like it?”

You liked it very much. Indeed, Taehyung had lit up candles all around his room, creating a romantic ambiance that made you want to be closer to him. To be entwined with him until you forgot where you ended and where he started. From the look on his face, you knew he wanted that too.

It was then that you realized he was highly likely to take your virginity tonight. Not that virginity was something that mattered, it really just was a social construct. But Taehyung was going to take it tonight, whatever it was, and heat immediately pooled at your core at the thought of it.

“It’s pretty”, you breathed, catching his gaze again.

The candles casted flickering lights on the side of his face, making his honey skin glow with warmth. You reached between you, brushing a stand of hair behind his ear. He carefully observed you as you did so, and you wondered if he could see your heart beating in your chest.

It really did feel like it was about to break free of your ribcage.

“It’s going to be prettier when you’re tied up on my bed.”

Taehyung’s words entirely stopped your heart in your chest. They killed you right on the spot, and maybe that was the reason why you found yourself grabbing the collar of his shirt, pulling him into your embrace.

Taehyung’s lips crashed against yours, and your whole soul caught fire. You let out a breathy sound, and he swallowed it hungrily as he grabbed your waist, pulling you flush against him. His body was solid, beautiful, against you like that, and you let your hands fall from his collar to his shoulders, before moving them to his chest. His heart was beating wildly under your fingertips, and you breathed out a moan again as one of his hands cupped your ass.

“Happy birthday to me”, he said, barely even pulling away to speak the words. No, his lips moved against yours in the shape of his words, and it made you chuckle shyly.

“Happy birthday”, you echoed, and the kiss turned sweeter. Slow, steady, like he had been kissing you that first time at your place.

Taehyung tentatively swiped his tongue at your bottom lip, tasting you, and you parted your lips to suck on his tongue. You could tell he liked it, and the sweetness of the kiss almost immediately returned to its previous fire, with Taehyung pushing you back towards the bed.

You sat on it, mostly because the back of your knees had hit the side, and you looked up at Taehyung, eyes round and innocent as he towered over you.

You couldn’t believe this man would be the one to fuck you for the first time.

“I want to tie you up”, he breathed, and his eyes shot to the headboard of the bed.

You followed his line of gaze, only noticing that he had already tied the silk ropes to it. All that was left to complete his fantasy was you, lying in his bed.

“But I need to undress you first, mmh?”

You were pretty sure blood had rushed to your cheeks again, but you didn’t have time to contemplate on it before he pulled his shirt over his head, and your gaze fell to the strong planes of his body. In this lighting, he looked sharper, as if he was made of glass. You could only hope he wouldn’t break under your fingers.

But then again, you were pretty sure you were the one likely to break when Kim Taehyung was looking at you like that. With pupils blown wide in his dark eyes, making them look like black pits in the middle of his face. His familiar lips kept the sight from being terrifying, but a tiny part of you knew you ought to be afraid.

You ignored it with all the lust in your heart.

Once his shirt was off, Taehyung started working on his belt, undoing it with skilled fingers as his gaze never left yours. You found it hard not to look away, but you knew Taehyung loved his eye contact. So you focused on him, even as his belt came undone. He dropped it to the ground, and the loop hitting the ground made a thumping sound that took you by surprise.

It was loud, in the silence of the night, and you could only hope no one had heard.

His pants were soon to follow, pooling around his ankles, and you couldn’t keep from looking down as the distinct motion of him stroking his dick caught in your peripheral vision.

Your eyes dipped down and his dick was free, half soft, yet he was pumping it slowly. Heat pooled at your core, and you moved closer to the edge of the bed.

Taehyung took a step towards you, and you didn’t even hesitate before going right in, licking at his head.

His eyes were shut when you looked up, and you took that as a cue to start working on him, just how he had shown you to. You wrapped your lips around the head, using your tongue to play with the sensitive spot at the back of the head, and you replaced his hand at the base of his dick with one of yours. That hand immediately started stroking him, with the perfect pressure, and you sucked on the head before starting to bob back and forth to the same rhythm, eyes looking up until Taehyung’s eyelids finally fluttered open to reveal his lustful gaze.

“Fuck”, he whispered, in that low baritone voice of his that made you go crazy inside.

You shut your eyes as he bucked his hips, hitting the back of your throat with his cock. It had turned harder in your mouth, and you gagged around it. Taehyung gently caressed one of your cheeks, willing your eyes to open until you met his gaze.

His gaze looked different, now. Still dark, but shining from within. Perhaps because of the candles, and of their soft glow on his honey skin. Or maybe it was the emotions in their depths. Emotions you couldn’t interpret, didn’t understand, but that made you pull away.

Sucking his dick while he was looking at you like that felt too weird.

“I should be the one going down on you”, he murmured. “Especially with all I have planned for you tonight.”

No sweetness coated his words. Just pure filth, and really it contrasted deeply with his soft eyes. Yet it made you gulp, and you slowly nodded your head, before standing up. Your hands instinctively rested on his chest, and his large ones found your waist. He pulled you in, going for a kiss that landed at the corner of your mouth. You barely felt its warm caress, especially not as his hands found their way under your shirt. He started drawing circles on your skin, gently, and he kissed the other corner of your mouth.

You breathed out, and he swallowed it as he pressed his lips against yours, moving them slowly. It was a steady rhythm you knew too well, one that had started feeling like home after the first few times you had hung out with Taehyung in the secrecy of your relationship.

He pulled away, offering you a small smile as he pulled your shirt over your head. You shivered without the fabric on your skin, nipples perked up in the space between you two. Taehyung glanced down at them, and his smile turned appreciative as he cupped your breast with one of his big hands while the other one worked to get you out of your shorts. Once they pooled around your ankles, you stepped out and closer to him, pressing your chest against his until he let your breast go to hold you flush against him.

He kissed you again then, wilder, with all the fire he had kissed you with earlier. It was hot, and you wondered if you would melt under his skilled digits. So hot he seared a mark on your lips each time his mouth moved against yours. You met him with the same fire, offered him that same passion, as you focused on the space between you. On where his dick was trapped between your bodies, standing proud and tall.

And very hard.

You moaned in his mouth, and Taehyung cupped your ass, before slapping it once. Still he didn’t pull away, and the breath in your lungs became scarce, yet you didn’t care. You would die kissing him if you had to.

There was no better way to go than kissing Kim Taehyung.

Unfortunately, he probably thought otherwise, because Taehyung pulled away, sucking in a sharp breath as your eyes fluttered open.

“On the bed, princess”, he said, gesturing behind you.

So it was time. You gulped, nodding, before climbing on the bed, nestling yourself in the pillows at the headboard. Taehyung kneeled in front of you, large hands grabbing your ankles. He caressed his way up your legs, up to your knees, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind his touch, before going back down to your ankles. He only then pulled on you so you were in a lying position.

The male chuckle he let out told you he had caught sight of the pooling wetness that had already soaked through your panties.

“You’re already so wet, aren’t you?” he said, baritone voice carrying to your ears in the silence of the night.

He had whispered the words, just for you to hear, yet they had sounded so loud. Loud and clear, and you instinctively brought your thighs together, looking for some friction.

“Don’t”, he warned you, before spreading your legs wide open. “I want to taste my birthday gift before I fuck it into oblivion.”

A shiver of pleasure ran up your spine.

“Please do.”

He smirked, tilting his head to the side. A predator eyeing its prey.

“Oh, I will. Should I tie you up first?”

He didn’t let you answer the question. Instead, he dove in, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the place where your juice was already soaking your panties. You would have moaned out loud had you been alone and not in his family home. Instead, you let out a breathy sound, something that resembled more of a whine.

Before he continued, Taehyung pulled your panties down your legs, observing you through half-lidded eyes. You held his gaze, giving in to his fantasies, but once his mouth found your pussy again, tongue dipping between your lips, your eyelids fluttered shut.

You bit down on your lip, hard, trying to hold in your sounds, as your hand flew in the space between you, finding a handful of his hair to hold onto. He let you do it as he made out with your pussy, his deep chuckle making your nerve endings light up.

Once he got tired of his tongue inside of you, Taehyung focused on your clit, flicking at it unforgivably, establishing a harsh rhythm that he soon accompanied with a long finger curling inside of you. It stretched your walls, but just a little. Nothing like his dick would.

The thought was enough to make you clench against him, and Taehyung hissed.

“Relax, princess, I want to be able to fuck you”, he said, before going back to your clit. This time, he moved slower, and your walls released him, enough so that he added a second finger. The combination of the two fingers spreading you wide open and the slow steady flicking on your clit had the corners of your vision turning blurry, until all you could focus on was his face between your legs.

He looked devilishly good down there.

“Tae…” you breathed out.

He glanced up at you, his lustful gaze burning into yours, and you felt an orgasm forming on the horizon of your conscience. It hit you head on when he pushed a third finger inside of you as he sucked right on your clit, teasing the bundle of nerves with the tip of his tongue.

Your eyes shut as you came, and your thighs tightened around his face. He worked you through your high, slow and steady, before pulling out of you once he was sure he had milked the last of the orgasm out of you.

It took a moment for your gaze to find his again, and you almost wished it hadn’t. Because Taehyung was holding the small leather whip now, and he ran it up your side.

“Can I use this on you?” he asked as he traced the shape of your breast, before caressing your nipple with it.

You held in the moan, or maybe the curse that had taken shape on your lips.

“Not to hurt you”, he said, almost like a promise.

“I don’t think I can stay silent if you use that on me”, you admitted, cheeks burning with the afterglow of your orgasm.

He pouted, looking at the whip, before slowly nodding his head. “We’ll have to save it for when we’re back in Seoul.”

You wet your lips, nodding before sitting up in his bed as he threw the whip to the side. He must have dried his hands of your juice at some point, because when Taehyung cupped your cheeks to kiss you slowly, his fingers were dry. Dry and gentle, yet he held you firmly, running his thumbs on your skin.

You reached between you, aiming blindly for his dick, and Taehyung jumped as you found its velvety softness, wrapping your hand around the base before pumping him a couple of times. He pulled away then, chuckling.

“You’re such a good girl”, he praised.

You melted under the praise, gripping him tighter until his gaze had turned even darker. You only understood what that meant for you when he grabbed your hand, pulling it away from him.

Away from him and towards the silk rope on one side of the headboard.

“You…” you let out, as he started tying you up with skilled fingers.

“I don’t want you touching me”, he murmured. “This is all about what you feel.”

“I like touching you”, you complained, with a little whiny voice that had him offering you a soft smile.

“I’ll let you touch later.” He held your gaze, before kissing your lips softly once. “Unless you are uncomfortable with me tying you up.”

As much as being tied up for your first time felt weird, it also felt right. Right because Taehyung was home, and you trusted him.

You knew he would untie you the moment you looked uncomfortable.

“No, it’s okay”, you said, offering him consent. “Just don’t tie it too tight.”            

He smiled softly, pecking your lips another time. “I would never.”

He then guided you until you were lying down, before tying your other wrist on the other side of the headboard. The position was strange, but it didn’t hurt, and he had given you enough slack in the rope so you could pull on the restraints a little, keeping it from being painful for your shoulders.

Once that was done, Taehyung moved away until he was standing, and your eyes followed him carefully as he reached for condoms in his bedside table. He put a condom on, stroking his dick up and down a few times to make sure it was well in place, before moving back between your legs.

He was big. His large head stretched the condom thin, and you looked down at him as he positioned himself next to your entrance.

He caught your gaze, offering you another one of those sweet smiles of his. The ones that tugged his lips downwards a little, yet you knew they held happiness.

Or whatever happiness he could find in the act of having sex with you.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, holding your gaze.

You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you watched the shadows that danced on his features from the flickering light of the candles. He waited as you remained silent, patiently, hand still wrapped around the base of his dick.

Taehyung felt like home. Look like it too, familiar features that you had come to know growing up. He felt like innocence and nostalgia, in the right way. Even though the act you were about to do held nothing innocent.

“Yes.”

You had never been more sure of anything in your life.

Taehyung nodded slowly, and his gaze turned dark again. The sweetness was entirely gone from his face when he started pushing in, and you instinctively pulled against the restraints at the burn.

“Easy”, he whispered once the head was in. He let go of his dick, running soothing hands on your sides. “It will hurt a little at first.”

Your eyes fell shut as he kept pushing in, stretching you wider than his fingers ever had. It did hurt, a little, but mostly it felt strange. You focused on the strangeness, letting the pain go as he continued his way in, up until he reached your cervix.

That part hurt like a bitch, and you let out a small yelp of pain.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he pulled out.

“Sorry.”

“Are you okay?” he repeated, completely ignoring your apology.

You nodded slowly, but refused to meet his gaze.

“Look at me”, he murmured, and one of his large hands cupped your cheek.

Your eyes fluttered open instinctively. He was ethereal, kneeling between your legs, hair falling in his gaze. You tried to move the strand away, but the silk rope held you in place.

“Do you want me to untie you?” he asked.

“No”, you answered, with a small voice. “Can you go in again?”

He remained silent, but he obeyed, pushing his dick inside of you once more. You held his gaze until he bottomed out again, and the pain shot through your nerves. It was a little less this time, but still there nonetheless.

“I’m hurting you”, he stated.

You shook your head. “It’s just…” you trailed off, swallowing audibly. “It hurts when you are all the way in.”

He pulled out a little, and the sensation dissipated to nothing.

“Better?”

You nodded.

“Words”, he reminded you.

It made you smile. “Yes Tae, it’s better.”

He smiled too, before bending down. It made his dick move inside of you, but your eyes fluttered shut as he kissed you sweetly, before slowly pulling almost all the way out.

“Then I won’t go too deep for now”, he murmured against your lips. You nodded against him, before kissing him again.

It was a slow kiss, timed with the back and forth of his hips. The sensation still felt strange, not as good as what his fingers made you feel like, but it was a good kind of strange.

The kind that made your heart beat steadier in your chest as he kept on kissing you, swallowing every breathy sound you made.

It took a moment, but the sensation slowly changed, inching towards pleasure as he moved a little faster, shifting a little until he hit a different spot inside of you. It didn’t hurt, not even a little bit, but you could feel how big he was, how much he was stretching you.

You really had chosen a big dick for your first time, hadn’t you?

Taehyung moved from your lips to your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on the skin. You moaned softly, quietly, and he picked up the pace a little. You could feel his balls slapping your ass each time he went almost all the way in, but you were pretty sure there were still a few inches of his dick out of you.

You doubted he’d ever be able to fuck you with the entirety of it. But as you slowly eased into the sensation, you pulled on the silk ropes, fingers aching to be touching him.

“Easy, princess”, he breathed on the spot under your ear. His low voice sent shivers down your spine and straight to your core, and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer.

He reached deep inside of you. Yet this time it didn’t hurt, and you even let out a small moan that had him look up from your neck.

“Quiet”, he reminded you, before pressing a kiss on your lips. “Quiet or I’ll have to stop.”

“No.”

Your quick reply had him smirking, and he straightened until he was back to a kneeling position between your legs. His dick was still deep inside of you, where he had stilled a moment ago, and you wondered if this was still Taehyung.

If he was still the man you knew and had had a crush on. Because the next moment everything lost coherency, and the only reason why you couldn’t moan out loud was that he had pressed a hand on your mouth, holding one of your thighs with the other.

He fucked into you. Relentlessly. Pushing you to your limits, trying different angles that had you seeing stars. He was panting over you, sweat glittering on his brow with the light of the candles. But he never slowed down, keeping that same unforgiving pace that turned everything inside of you to liquid lava.

“Such a good little princess”, he breathed, and there was an edge to his voice. Maybe because he too was keeping his grunts and moans in, or maybe because he was on the verge of coming.

You couldn’t tell, and your brain had completely lost the ability to think a couple of moments ago.

“So tight”, he praised as he slowed the rhythm, and you met his gaze. “So fucking tight.”

He pushed inside of you harder, and a pained expression moved on your features. He immediately stopped, before bending down again.

“Let me untie you.”

You hadn’t realized that you were pulling on the restraints so hard, but as soon as your wrists were freed you wrapped your arms around Taehyung’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. He fucked into you again then, quick and hard and he swallowed the moans that escaped the confines of your mouth.

Your hands roamed his body, getting lost in his hair and caressing the skin of his back, until you were pretty sure you could mold his shape into mud. Until you were pretty sure you knew every little aspect of him, as his lips kept moving against yours. His tongue met yours, and he kissed you wildly, letting out a grunt that had your walls clenching against him.

“Fuck fuck fuck”, he cursed in your mouth.

You let out another breathy moan, and he pulled back to look at your face. He was so close you could count the moles on his features, and you reached to trace them, gently, as his rhythm slowed down.

“Everything okay?” you asked him, almost pensively, as he moved way too slow for pleasure to steal your thoughts again.

“You feel like heaven, princess”, he praised, and he landed a kiss on the top of your nose. “But I’m not sure I want to come yet.”

You bit your lip, before pulling him closer again. Not enough for your lips to touch, but enough for your eyelids to fall shut from the proximity. “Please come for me, Tae.”

“Fuck.” His curse held no bite as he nodded. You watched his blown pupils as he started moving faster again, until his balls were slapping your ass once more. It was a little loud, but you didn’t want to stop Taehyung from chasing his high, so you kept silent, holding your moans in as he dug his face in your neck, sucking a mark on your shoulder to keep his own moan in.

It hurt. Just a little. The kind of pain that made your nails dig in his back. Just a little. But that was enough to send Taehyung over the edge, and he cursed as he emptied inside the condom, stilling his movements deep inside of you. You could feel his dick twitching as he unloaded, and you held him close as he bit into the spot he had been sucking on.

Halfway through the ordeal, Taehyung moved his head from your neck. You barely had time to look at his glossy lips before he had them pressed against yours, and he kissed you through the remainder of his orgasm. Fast and wild and wet, with his tongue chasing yours in your mouth.

Once he was done, Taehyung rested his forehead against yours, and you breathed the same air until your heartbeats had gone steady in your chests again. Only then did Taehyung pull away, and his dick pulled free from your pussy, leaving you empty.

It really did feel empty after he had been stretching you like that.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he rolled next to you, turning his face to look at you.

It took a moment for you to meet his gaze, and you just watched him carefully as he awaited your reply ever so patiently.

“Good”, you whispered.

He smiled, that same sweet smile that had stolen your heart when you were just a teenager. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

He looked away, eyes trailing to the ceiling. You watched the flickering lights of the candles on his profile for a time, before looking up at the ceiling too.

“For being here with me for my birthday”, he said. “But also for trusting me with your first time.”

You wet your lips, shrugging your shoulders. “I think some part of me always imagined that it would be you.”

You wanted to curse yourself the moment the words had left your lips.

“What?”

His eyes had moved back to you now, but you refused to meet his gaze. “I had a crush on you when we were younger.”

“Oh.” He remained silent for a time, and you wondered if he could hear every painful beat of your heart. “That’s cute.”

You blushed even though your cheeks were already flushed from the sex. “Cute?”

“Mmh”, he hummed in agreement. “You’re cute.”

You looked at him then, meeting his dark eyes. They were crinkling at the corners, as the corners of his lips tugged upwards on his handsome features.

“Am I?”

He nodded slowly. “Especially when I’m fucking you.”

A teasing glint had taken form in his gaze, and you rolled your eyes. “I should have expected you’d be an ass about it.”

“Hey”, he let out, and he rested a hand palm first on your stomach. “I’d never be an ass when it comes to you.”

Could he tell he had stopped your heart in your chest with that simple sentence?

“Never?”

He seemed to ponder for a time. “Not purposefully, no.”

It made you wary, and you furrowed your brows. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“That I don’t want to be an ass when it comes to you.”

You didn’t want to feel like you felt then. As if the crush had never left and was slowly blossoming into more. But he made it so damn hard.

“As much as I like hearing you say that, I should probably head back to Eunjin’s room”, you murmured, before cowering away from his gaze as disappointment filled it.

You were fleeing. You knew you were, but you didn’t have another option.

Kim Taehyung was far too dangerous for your own good.

 *****

               Days came and went, faster than you had ever imagined they could. Being held by Kim Taehyung felt like that: as if you were a fast car racing for the end of the street.

You could only hope the end of the street wasn’t made of a stonewall.

The rest of the Holidays had been lovely, with your family and his. You had then gone back home to Seoul, and your secret meetings with Taehyung resumed in their usual scene: him in your apartment, and occasionally you in his. You liked going to his place, and it was needless to say why: his dog was one of the cutest you had seen in your life. It was also reassuring, in some way, to know that Taehyung didn’t mind you being in his place. Even if what you shared was still but an illicit affair, being held by him in his bed while the alarm clock on his bedside table read the hour of early mornings felt just right.

You didn’t have a chance to meet up often. It made you wary, sad, and sometimes you thought yourself to be delusional. Because you wanted to see him more, wanted to share his days the way you shared his nights. The Holidays had given you a glimpse of that. A week, outside of time, where you had known you’d get to see him every day. Where he had brushed his fingers against yours when no one else looked, as if he just couldn’t resist closing the distance between you.

Months passed, and you wondered if there would be a day where you wouldn’t need to wait. Sometimes, you considered ending things with Taehyung, just because he was silent for a while. But whenever he held you again, you knew you couldn’t stop. Drugs were addictive, and Kim Taehyung was the most addictive drug this world held.

The devil through and through. Because he was sweet, giving in to your fantasies. Cuddling you when you didn’t feel like having sex, teasing you about shared memories or kissing your shoulder while you cooked food for him. Occasional meetings, yes, but all of them held feelings you had never thought you’d feel.

The months of winter passed, with icy winds carrying snowdrifts and staying in as cold reigned over the world. You worked a lot during those months, and maybe that most of all was the reason why you never found the courage to speak to Taehyung. Because even though you were growing wary, seeing him felt like a day of summer in the middle of winter, and you needed it. It wasn’t like he treated you badly. Taehyung was sweet, with everything he did. You just couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing when you weren’t together.

You knew some stuff from his public persona, but Taehyung was far more than what met the eyes of outsiders. His mind was complex, a maze you hadn’t been able to figure out. You didn’t know if you were to figure it out someday, and some part of you wondered if it would have been different, had he not become an idol. Had he stayed in Daegu, next to you. It was treacherous thoughts, so you pushed them away whenever they came.

Surprisingly enough, Eunjin didn’t notice the change in you. Or maybe she had chosen not to, and she never questioned you whenever you fell silent, or gazed in the distance longingly. It was the strangest thing to be hiding something so big from your best friend, but it had become second nature a while ago.

The month of April was pretty, in Seoul. With flowers blossoming on every street corner, and warm winds erasing the chills winter had left behind. They also eased the thoughts that held a dark corner of your heart, whenever it came to Taehyung. Shed light to the darkness, especially when Taehyung invited you over some early afternoon. It was unusual, as you always met later in the evening, but he had called you on one of your rare days off. You weren’t going to miss the opportunity.

You got ready quickly, dressing up in a black skirt that you paired with a dark cardigan over a white polo shirt. It looked preppy, a style you had realized Taehyung enjoyed. Though his clothing usually was far more expensive than yours, it still felt great whenever he complimented you for how you dressed.

Taehyung’s compliments hit differently than those of the other men around you. Not that there were a lot of men. Except for the males in your family and Jeongyu, you didn’t really talk to any men other than Taehyung.

You didn’t want that to change.

You made your way to Taehyung’s place slowly, enjoying the warm breeze the day held. The sun shone brightly, with only a few lazy white clouds streaming overhead. Birds sang their chirpy songs, accompanying the music you were bobbing your head to from the lone earbud in your left ear. You bowed at the sweet old street vendor that offered you tteokbokki, reminding you of that night Taehyung had come to pick you up. The first night something had happened between the two of you, when a whole new world had opened up to you. It plastered a smile on your lips, and you arrived at Taehyung’s place in a cheery mood.

It only swelled even more when he opened his door to you, with a matching bright smile on his own lips. He spoke your name softly, grabbing your hand and pulling you in.

You giggled as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Hi”, you greeted him, hugging him back as the fragrance of his detergent hit your nose.

It smelled just like him, and you shut your eyes as you rested your head against his shoulder.

“I’m happy you could come over”, he murmured. He pulled away from the hug, just enough to press a kiss on the top of your head. “Yeontan missed you.”

Another light giggle fell from your lips. “Yeontan?” you questioned, even if you could hear the dog barking from the other room.

“Mmh.” Taehyung nodded, and he kissed the top of your head again. “I missed you too.”

“That’s more like it.” You said it teasingly, and Taehyung chuckled over you.

“Where did you get tteokbokki?”

You had all but forgotten the little plastic bag that hung from your hand, and you pulled away from the hug to give it to Taehyung.

 “Some sweet lady offered it to me while I was on my way.”

 A mischievous smile spread on his lips, one you echoed as you took off your shoes to follow him in.

Yeontan was on the couch when you walked in the living room, barking happily from the cushion he was sitting on. You made your way to the little dog, picking him up to hug him against your chest as Taehyung kept moving in, towards the kitchen area. You followed him as the dog tried licking your chin, which made you laugh giddily.

If the look Taehyung offered you over his shoulder wasn’t endearing, you didn’t know what endearment was. It filled your heart with warmth, and blush crept on your cheeks.

Taehyung put the tteokbokki down on his table, before moving to grab chopsticks for the both of you. You sat on a chair, putting Yeontan down on your thighs as you watched Taehyung walk back to your side. He sat on the chair next to you, leaving the chopsticks next to the plastic bag before bending down to press a kiss on Yeontan’s head.

He pressed a kiss on your cheek next, before moving to grab the tteokbokki from the bag. It smelled delicious as he pulled the lid off, and he smiled at you as he offered you a short glance.

“Enjoying the day off?” he asked, and a second later he was digging in the tteokbokki.

You followed his lead, and the sweet and spicy flavor filled your mouth as you chewed on the rice cake. Taehyung seemed to regret his decision, fanning his mouth as a disgusted scowl formed on his features.

“Why is it so spicy?” he asked after he swallowed.

You let out a small laugh. “It’s always spicy”, you reminded him.

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion, and you gently shoved him in the shoulder.

“Actually”, he said after a short moment of silence. “I have something I wanted to ask you.”

“What’s up?” you asked, without thinking more of it.

You were in a good mood after all. But when Taehyung didn’t reply right away, only watching you carefully, you turned your head towards him, putting the chopsticks down on the bowl.

“Is something wrong?” you asked, voice smaller all of a sudden.

“If I asked you to pretend to be my girlfriend for a dinner, would you say yes?”

You sucked in a breath, eyes going a little wide. Your heart skipped a beat, and you found you couldn’t hold his gaze.

“What?”

You could see him worry at his bottom lip as he thought, probably searching for the right words to say to convince you. “The members have been on my back about being single for a while”, he said carefully. “I just want them to stop.”

You could understand where he was coming from. People, mostly your family, often annoyed you about being single, about not having someone in your life. It got on your nerves sometimes, but ever since you had started seeing Taehyung, you had found that you didn’t mind all that much when they asked you questions. You only had to let your thoughts diverge towards the arms of the man sitting next to you and the annoyance disappeared.

But the word ‘pretend’ in his mouth sounded bitter. Sour, as if it had gone bad before leaving the confines of his beautiful mouth. Or maybe it was just the wariness that had been lurking at the back of your mind that suddenly grew stronger.

Taehyung was looking at you. With a small pout on his lips, an expectant look in his eyes. His cheeks were a little puffed up, and for a moment you wanted to reach out and pinch them. You resisted though, keeping one hand on the table and the other on Yeontan’s back. To calm the itch in your fingers, you scratched the dog, and your eyes moved away from Taehyung.

“For a dinner?” you asked.

Taehyung must have thought that meant yes, because a boxy smile made its way to his lips, making his whole face shine just like the world outside was shining. “Tonight, yeah. Jimin invited all of us over.”

“Tonight?” you repeated, eyes going round once again. “Tae, that gives me no time to get ready!”

He wet his lips, before glancing at you. “You look gorgeous, princess.”    

You couldn’t say no. You couldn’t say no to his sweet face and his sweet words. You were pretty sure he could get you to crawl in mud if he wanted to.

“Tae…” you trailed off, and a small pout formed on your lips.

He echoed it with one of his own, and he murmured your name with a low voice that sent a shiver down your spine. It reminded you of the way he whispered it against your skin whenever you were entwined, and really, you couldn’t say no at all.

“What do I get in exchange?” you asked, looking down at Yeontan as you pet him.

“I’ll let you go on a shopping spree with my card?”

The suggestion made a small laugh bubble in your chest. “Tae, I can pay for my clothes myself.”

You glanced at him, but his eyes were looking at the tteokbokki as he furrowed his brows, lost in thoughts. “I can buy you food?”

You rolled your eyes. “Why do you think I want a gift?”

“What else could I give you?”

Your heart felt strange in your chest again. You. For real. You wanted to say it, but something kept you from doing so. All you could do was shrug as you looked away. Until Yeontan moved under the palm of your hand.

“You could let me have Yeontan.”

Taehyung gasped. “My dog? Never.”

“Then don’t make me pretend to be your girlfriend.”

“Please?”

You rolled your eyes again, before offering him a small smile. “I’ll just steal Yeontan without you realizing. But I’ll go with you.”

He smiled brightly. “I’ll ignore the threat, but I won’t forget it.”

He planted a kiss on your cheek, before grabbing more tteokbokki. You followed his lead, watching his profile carefully. Until an idea popped up in your mind.

“You know what we should do?”

He cocked an eyebrow as he looked at you, chewing the tteokbokki as quickly as he could to swallow before it burned his mouth too much.

“What?”

A wicked smile grew on your lips. “We should get matching outfits.”

His eyes widened, lighting up with agreement. “Oh, they definitely would believe us then.”

You ignored the ache that formed in your heart at his words as you nodded your head.

“You’re a genius”, he complimented you.

Your wicked smile melted softly. “Doing my best.”

And as Taehyung offered you one of his iconic grins, you realized that you cared about him far more than you even thought possible. Because his happiness made you happy.

Dangerous grounds to tread for sure.

 *****

               Turned out Taehyung had everything in his wardrobe to match his outfit with yours after all. His pants matched your skirt perfectly, and his no-sleeves wool cardigan was similar enough to yours to give the right vibe. He also had a white polo-shirt, one that almost looked like a golf polo, that worked perfectly to complete his outfit. A black belt hugged his pants to his hips, and the smile on his lips matched yours just right.

The perfect picture of a happy couple.

The elevator leading to Jimin’s apartment felt crowded, with just you and Taehyung standing there. Your eyes had diverged to a stain on the carpet, and Taehyung watched your profile for a time as the elevator shot upwards.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You chuckled breathlessly. “I’m anxious. I don’t know your friends. And what if Eunjin learns that I was here?”

“She won’t”, Taehyung reassured you. “She barely talks to the members. They’ll never connect the dots.”

You knew he was right. Because there was no way in hell Taehyung would have asked you if he had thought it might reach Eunjin’s ears. Still, your previous wariness hadn’t let go of you, and you were pretty sure you were about to step in the biggest mess you had ever stepped in.

“Plus”, Taehyung added, and he turned to face you and grab your hands. “They’ll love you, I’m sure of it.”

“It doesn’t really matter if they love me or not”, you pointed out. “I’m probably never going to see them again.”

Taehyung remained silent, though he tried to catch your gaze as you stubbornly kept it on the floor. Once he understood you weren’t going to look up, he grabbed your chin to force you to meet his gaze.

“Let’s not think about that right now, mmh?” he murmured as soon as your eyes locked together. “We have to put on a good show.”

You gulped, glancing down at the lips you had kissed far more often than you should have. They looked just as soft as ever, and they glistened a little from when he had wet them just a few seconds ago.

“I’m not an actress like you…”

“Just follow my lead”, he encouraged. “You’ll do great, princess, I’m not worried.”

And as the elevator dinged and the doors started sliding open, Taehyung leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. It felt strange to be kissed by him somewhere else other than in your apartments, but your eyes immediately fell shut, and you let out a small sigh.

“Why am I not surprised?” a voice said from outside of the elevator.

You startled out of Taehyung’s arms, blush creeping on your cheeks. Kim Seokjin was standing outside the elevator, arm outstretched to keep the doors from closing shut.

“Hyung!” Taehyung let out happily. He introduced you, before pointing at the older man, eyes on you. “This is Kim Seokjin.”

“World-wide handsome”, Seokjin said as a way to introduce himself, a small smirk on his plump lips. “We almost thought you didn’t exist.”

You pursed your lips to keep in the nervous laugh that had almost fallen from your mouth. Because you actually didn’t exist, but they couldn’t know, right? “Nice to meet you.”

Seokjin chuckled. “Sorry, that was rude. Nice to meet you too, Y/n.”

An alarm started blaring in the elevator, startling you.

“I was on my way down to get some stuff Jimin forgot at the grocery store”, Seokjin said as he got in.

“We’ll come with”, Taehyung said, but it was useless, since the doors had already slid shut.

You were encased in silence, and your gaze slid to Taehyung. Seokjin stood between the two of you, with his face angled towards the floor. He looked sad, for a moment there, but when Taehyung asked him what he was supposed to get, the shadows lifted and his features lit up as he answered.

They talked for a time, and you tried to disappear through the carpet, not wanting to attract Seokjin’s attention. It was a failure because he glanced at you, offering you the whole of his focus. “How did you meet Taehyung?”

You really hadn’t planned this thing right, had you? Because you had no idea what to say. Taehyung looked at you, waiting for the lie you would craft, but nothing came to mind.

“Uh…” you let out, as your cheeks burned red. “We…” you paused, looking at Taehyung for salvation. He offered none, and you finally decided to settle on something that was as close to the truth as you dared to get. “We grew up together.”

“You’re from Daegu?” Seokjin asked, a soft smile on his lips.

You nodded. “My parents lived near Taehyung’s parents’ farm.”

Seokjin nodded, before starting to talk about his farmer uncle. You didn’t really have a chance to plug in a word, and Taehyung made sure to keep Seokjin going. Probably because that way he was off your back. And it worked, the grocery store trip being filled with stories Seokjin recalled about the farm, and eventually he moved on to stories about Taehyung in their trainee days.

Seokjin was funny. With an easy smile and an easier laugh that you found hard not to share. He was nice with you, and as you were riding the elevator back up to Jimin’s place, you found yourself more at ease. Still, you didn’t really know how to act around Taehyung, but you were pretty sure it didn’t really matter.

Some couples didn’t do a lot of public displays of affection, but that didn’t mean they weren’t dating, right?

Walking in Jimin’s apartment put you back to square one, as you saw most of the other members sprawled on the couches. Three girls were sitting with the members, and you could hear two women’s voices coming from what you could only assume was the kitchen, along with the unmistakable voice of Jeon Jungkook.

Most of all, every pair of eyes had turned to you, and you were pretty sure none of them were looking at Taehyung or Seokjin. No, it really felt as if you were the center of attention, and you hated it.

Until Taehyung stood closer to you, his large hand gently taking a hold of yours. He reassuringly brushed the back of your hand with his thumb, and you glanced at him. He had a soft smile on his lips when your gazes locked, but he quickly moved his attention to the group.

“Hey”, he simply said, and conversations immediately resumed, as if silence hadn’t been reigning a moment ago.

Hoseok, Namjoon and Jimin moved to you, hugging you as Taehyung did the introductions. Yoongi waved at you from his spot on the couch, and you waved back, eyes trailing to the girl at his side. She waved you over, and Taehyung tightened his hold on your hand before letting you go.

With cheeks burning, you moved towards the girl. She moved closer to Yoongi, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder so she could cuddle into his side. You sat in the spot she had left for you, next to another girl that offered you a bright smile as you glanced at her.

“I know this might be overwhelming”, she said secretively. “When Namjoon got me to meet all of them, I almost thought I was going to die from the anxiety.”

You could understand.

“But you fit right in!” Yoongi’s girlfriend happily said. “And I’m sure…” she trailed off and you figured out she was waiting for your name. You offered it to her with a shy voice. She repeated it, before continuing, “I’m sure you’ll fit right in too.”

You could only hope they didn’t notice your discomfort because you were caught in a lie. “Thank you”, you breathed, meeting Taehyung’s gaze from across the room.

At the looks Jimin and Hoseok threw at you, you could only assume they were talking about you. Taehyung offered you a reassuring nod of his head, along with a small smile he reserved just for you. Then Namjoon said something, and Taehyung looked away, forcing you to go back to the conversation around you.

The girls offered an easy conversation, one Yoongi participated in with ease. That most of all brought you back to the ease Seokjin had raised in you, and you even found yourself enjoying their company. Hoseok’s girlfriend was just as nice, though she didn’t stay long, claiming she had to help Jimin’s girlfriend, Jungkook and his own girlfriend in the kitchen. Seokjin followed her, which left you with the rest of them.

Soon enough, Taehyung, Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon moved back with you, and conversation flowed easily in the group. Surprisingly enough, no one really asked you any questions about you and Taehyung. They all just joked around, and shots of soju were passed around the group.

Min Yoongi surprised you the most out of all of the members. For some reason, you had expected him to be shy and cold, but he was all smiles and excited, participating in the conversation with everyone, even leading it sometimes. He was cute, and his girlfriend looked at him with soft eyes that made you jealous, in some way.

Because even though you were looking at Taehyung like that, it was an act. It couldn’t be more than pretending. Indeed, he really had just asked for it to be for one dinner. Nothing more.

You could hope, though. Because he acted around you with ease. Holding you close, kissing the top of your head or holding your hand whenever he could. When he pulled you up to your feet as you were moving to the dining room, he even kissed you in front of everyone, holding you by the waist with his large hands. When he pulled away, you found yourself unable to hold his gaze, instead busying yourself with pulling invisible lint off his cardigan.

It didn’t go unnoticed to him. The way you avoided his gaze. You knew because his hands tightened on your waist, as if he could bring you back to your senses. But your heart was aching in your chest, as it had been throughout the day, whenever you remembered that it was all fake.

“Are you okay?” he asked, voice low just for you to hear.

The living room had emptied a moment ago, and you felt comfortable to speak up. “I can’t do this, Tae…”

He pursed his lips. “You’ve been doing great.”

“But I hate lying.” You looked up once, before quickly shying away from his gaze again. “They all look so happy for you.”

“Which means it’s working”, he pointed out.

A question took shape in your mind, and you shut your eyes tightly trying to avoid saying it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and he sounded a little exasperated.

“Why do you want this to be fake?” you enquired, and courage made its way to you, enough so that you met his gaze with a harsh look on your face. “I’ve been thinking about it all day and I don’t understand why you want to pretend.”

You wondered if he would answer truthfully. If he would finally let you see some part of the mystery that clouded him. Instead, he scoffed, looking over his shoulder.

“We can talk about it later.”

“Don’t dismiss me like that”, you said through gritted teeth.

“Y/n, Taehyung-oppa!” a female voice said from the hallway.

You tried to loosen the expression on your features as Jungkook’s girlfriend came into view. You didn’t know if you succeeded, but Taehyung’s cheerful tone as he told her you were on your way worked well enough, and the tattoo artist turned back on her heels.

“Now, let’s just pretend for a little longer and then we can talk”, Taehyung said to you, letting go of your waist.

“Please stop being so…” you trailed off, motioning between the two of you.

“So what?”

You met his gaze, letting out a long sigh. “Stop acting as if you’re in love.” And really, he wasn’t even acting all that different from what he usually acted like with you. It was pretty much the same, and that most of all was killing you. Because then it meant that the way he had carried himself in all those secret meetings meant nothing, even though you had been telling yourself the opposite for so long.

“How else can they believe me?”

“I don’t know, Tae, but I really don’t like it.”

He scoffed. “You’ve been a blushing and smiling mess, don’t tell me you don’t like it.”

“That’s exactly my point, Tae.”

You didn’t wait for him to say something else, instead moving around him to make your way to the dining room. You didn’t want to lose your cool, and you knew damn well a moment longer in that living room would have led to you bashing Taehyung’s perfect teeth in.

He was oblivious. Or you were just a game for him to play.

A game he had become a master at.

*****

                 Later that evening, you found yourself lingering at Jimin’s place, along with Jungkook and his girlfriend. Seokjin had left first – it was easy to know why. He was the only one that was unaccompanied, and that same sad look you had seen on his features in the elevator had come back frequently, as the evening had unfolded.

Whoever Kim Seokjin was longing for, they had broken his heart to pieces.

Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and their partners had all left since they had early plans the next morning. Unfortunately for you, you were off from work tomorrow too, and didn’t have any excuse to give everyone as to why you needed to leave. So you stayed, even if the atmosphere between you and Taehyung had turned cold after your conversation in the living room.

He had continued his act after, even though you had asked him not to. You were aware you probably looked like an angry girlfriend, so you had tried to relax. Had let him do what he thought he had to, but focused on the conversation with the other girls. Mostly Jungkook’s partner, as she had been the one sitting next to you.

The tattoo artist had bright eyes. They shone brighter whenever Jungkook was close to her, and sometimes you thought you saw stars in her eyes. Mostly, the celestial bodies were visible when she was gazing at the man she loved, and he echoed them with galaxies in his own gaze.

Another reminder to you that for all the feelings you had for Taehyung, you would never be allowed to look at him that same way. Because you were aware that the hurt and the anger were coming from feelings. Affection you had been trying to push back to the very back of your mind, but that had refused to be forgotten all throughout the day. It was easy to ignore it when it was just you and Taehyung but pretending around other people was wrong.

And a mistake through and through.

You were glad when Taehyung let you out of his sight, after most of everyone had left. Jimin’s girlfriend had to go back home to call her mother on Facetime, and the boys were currently in the living room, joking around as long-time friends usually did. That left you alone in the kitchen with Jungkook’s girlfriend, and she sat on one of the high stools at the island as you washed the dishes.

Taehyung had done most of it earlier, but the dessert dish had been forgotten on the stove, so you decided to busy yourself by taking care of it. Mostly because Jungkook’s girlfriend had been looking at you curiously, as if she knew the secrets you had been keeping.

“Something happened between you and Taehyung-oppa?” she asked.

You startled, glancing at her before shrugging your shoulders. “Happens sometimes, doesn’t it?”

She pursed your lips, before slowly nodding. “Yeah.”

An awkward silence moved between you, as you focused back on the dish.

“I…” she started, but she never finished the sentence.

You looked at her again, this time catching her gaze.

“We didn’t really fight”, you admitted.

The truth had come out so easily your eyes widened.

“I know.” She did. You could tell by the way a careful look moved on her features. “Taehyung told Jungkook.”

You sighed, gaze dropping to the floor. You grabbed a towel to dry your hands, before leaning against the counter, folding your arms on your chest. “What did he say?”

“That he was tired of being laughed at.” The girl looked away from you, as if she felt bad to be the one telling you. “He and Sanghee had a really complicated story, and the boys have been trying to get him to move on from her.”

You had no idea who Sanghee was. Some part of you thought to ask Eunjin, but you knew that wasn’t even a possibility. The only person you could ask was Taehyung, and you weren’t convinced you even wanted to speak to him right now.

“By laughing at him?” you asked.

Jungkook’s girlfriend chuckled. “Not really, no. Mostly, they kept telling him to put himself out there. To go out with the girls that ask him out and stuff like that. He kept refusing saying he didn’t need it, then said he was dating someone earlier today. Then he brought you here.”

You didn’t really know if Taehyung had told Jungkook you weren’t really dating. So you chose to remain silent, as Jungkook’s girlfriend looked down at her glass on the island in front of her.

“I think I’m only telling you because Jungkook and I had a similar situation”, she continued. She then seemed to think better of it, meeting your gaze. “Well, it wasn’t all that similar. But Jungkook’s ex almost came between the two of us…” She shrugged, pursing her lips. “But I think you should tell Taehyung how you feel.”

“We’re dating”, you lied.

Jungkook’s girlfriend cocked an eyebrow prettily, letting out a small laugh. “You are not.”

You almost wanted to be angry at her for pointing it out, but she offered you a kind smile that only made tears prick at your eyes. You turned away from her, resuming your work on cleaning the dishes.

“But you could be if you actually talked to him”, she added. “I have a hard time believing that everything he’s done today is an act.”

You found it hard to believe too, yet you knew it was the truth. Because you could feel that Taehyung had changed after your fight in the living room. Even if he still was clingy, he was cold.              

Kim Taehyung had never been cold to you before. No, ever since that night you had told him what you had, under the star-filled blanket of the night sky, Taehyung had always been warm when it came to you.

You were pretty sure it was coming to an end now.

“Taehyung is an enigma”, you pointed out. “He’s been that way since we were kids.”

Nothing interrupted the silence in the kitchen for a moment, except the sound of the water sloshing as you washed the dish through tears in your eyes. Jungkook’s girlfriend remained silent, so much so you almost thought she had left. But she seemed like the kind of girl that would stick up for someone else, and you were pretty sure she wouldn’t leave you alone right now.

It seemed you had judged her character well, because a second later she appeared at the corner of your vision. You glanced at her, and she offered you a gentle smile. “Jimin said he was going to take care of washing that.” She put a hand on your wrist, until you had let go and she could dry your hands with the hand towel. “Just talk to him”, she said gently. “It’s surprising what a good conversation can do.”

You raised your eyebrows, slightly shaking your head. “I think I dug the grave a while ago.”

“Why do you think that?” she asked as she put the towel back on the oven’s handle before looking at you again.

“He’s my best friend’s older brother”, you admitted. “I’ve known him forever.”

Jungkook’s girlfriend nodded, but didn’t say anything, letting you choose the rhythm at which you wanted to confide in her.

“Eunjin had a party in October, and it was my first time seeing Taehyung in years.” Images of the night came back to you: the beer pong, Taehyung holding your hand, the stars outside. How you had woken up in his bed the next day. “A few weeks later, he came to pick me up after I drank a little, we kissed and then we started…” you trailed off, as your cheeks burned red. “He’s my first. I don’t know why I chose him. Maybe because I used to have a crush on him, but…” You ran a shaky hand through your hair. “But he asked me to hide the whole thing from everyone. I did because I thought what we had was enough. But when he asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend tonight, it just felt wrong. It’s been feeling wrong.”

You finally fell silent, and Jungkook’s girlfriend waited a few seconds to make sure you were done before speaking, “This has been going on since October?”

“Well, more since November”, you said, nodding your head. “Why?”

She didn’t have time to speak before Taehyung appeared in the hallway leading to the living room.

“Hey”, he said, leaning against the wall.

Jungkook’s girlfriend kept her eyes on you, as if trying to tell you something. You couldn’t read the words behind her gaze though, and you eventually had to turn towards Taehyung.

“Hey”, you let out.

Jungkook’s girlfriend was pulling at some dry skin on her lower lip when she looked at Taehyung too. “Oppa.”

“Everything okay?” he asked, eyes focused on you.

It felt as if he was dismissing Jungkook’s girlfriend, and something about the way she stiffened next to you made you wonder what she had been about to tell you. What revelation her next sentence would have held had she had the time to tell you.

Instead, she only gently patted your shoulder, before walking away.

“Don’t hurt her”, she told Taehyung, one fist on her hip and a finger pointed at him aggressively.

Taehyung widened his gaze, but she was gone before he had time to reply.

“What’s wrong with her?” Taehyung asked as she disappeared. He pushed himself up from the wall, before taking a few steps towards you.

You shrugged. “I like her.”

“I usually like her, but she was weird tonight.”

Was she the only one that had been weird? Everything about the evening felt weird and wrong to you.

“Mmh”, you let out, turning away from Taehyung as he stopped next to you.

He murmured your name, hand shooting in the space between you… but he never touched you, letting his arm fall back at his side. “Do you want to go home?”

You nodded, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah, I think it would be better.” You sighed, folding your arms on your chest again.

Taehyung leaned on the counter next to you, hands disappearing in his pockets. He watched you carefully, with that deep gaze of his. You couldn’t resist glancing at him, and your heart stopped in your chest at the look on his features.

He had no business looking at you like that when you were alone.

“I shouldn’t have asked this of you”, he said, voice barely above a whisper.

You gulped, immediately looking away. “It’s whatever, Tae.”

“I’m sorry I was an ass earlier”, he continued, ignoring your words.

It brought you back to the night of his birthday, when he had said he’d never be an ass when it came to you. Had he only said that to ensnare you further?

You had never thought Taehyung would be the kind of man to make promises he couldn’t hold.

“You weren’t an ass”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “You asked me something and I said yes. I’m the stupid one that let it get to my head.”

“But this didn’t start today, did it?”

“Can we talk about this at home?”

You met his gaze, holding it until Taehyung finally gave in, nodding his head. “Alright.”

You said goodbye to Jungkook and his girlfriend, in the living room, before moving towards the door. They walked you to the door, telling you that Jimin had gone to his girlfriend’s place across the hall, and that they’d say you had to go. Jungkook’s girlfriend hugged you before you left, whispering encouragement in your ear. You exchanged phone numbers, even as Taehyung seemed a little weary next to you, and soon enough you were on the way.

The elevator ride down to the underground parking lot was spent in a tense silence. So was the car ride, and you pulled at dry skin on your bottom lip so much you could almost taste the metallic tang of blood on your tongue.

It was only when you were standing in Taehyung’s hall that you finally turned towards him.

“Can I ask you a question?”

He tilted his head to the side, mouth parted just a little. Just enough for his tongue to dart out and wet his lips. “Yeah?”

“Who’s Sanghee?”

He immediately froze. One hand in one of his pockets, the other holding the sweater he had brought back from Jimin’s place – he had apparently forgotten it there last time he had gone.

“I knew Jungkook’s girlfriend was up to no good…”

He walked away from you, and you followed him to the living room. Surprisingly enough, Yeontan hadn’t woken up when you had walked in, and the dog blinked tiredly at Taehyung, getting up from the spot it had been sleeping in on the couch. Taehyung threw the sweater next to his dog before he picked him up, hugging him tight to his chest as he pressed a kiss to the top of the dog’s head.

“You know”, you said as he avoided your gaze, “you don’t have to talk to me about her if you don’t want to.” You looked around, surprisingly finding yourself memorizing Taehyung’s living room. “I just think it’s time we talk about what’s going on between us.”

He slowly nodded, and the motion caught your attention. “I realized earlier…” He chuckled, almost bitterly. “I hadn’t realized you were into me like that.”

You hadn’t really either. The way he said it sounded like an accusation, and you furrowed your brows. “It’s not really like I could control it. It just was too real.”

His lips were stretched in a thin line when you looked at him. “I didn’t realize…”

“So tonight was all pretend, right?” You waited till he nodded before you continued. “But what about all the times we hung out before? Was that all a lie too?”

“Why are you talking in the past tense?”

It was the first time he showed concern about whatever was between you. As if he was only now realizing that it was coming to an end.

“Because I can’t keep going on like this”, you admitted.

He sat down on the couch, and his eyes fell to Yeontan in his arms. The small dog was looking at you, tongue on the side of his mouth, head cocked to the side. You wanted to get closer and snuggle him, but for the first time in months, you didn’t want to get closer to Kim Taehyung.

“Understood”, he said, nodding curtly.

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

He focused on Yeontan on his lap, hiding his features behind his hair. “I don’t know what to tell you. You asked me to teach you about…” he trailed off, as if he didn’t want to say the words. “We never talked about feelings.”

Tears were pricking at your eyes. “So it’s just me?”

He didn’t say anything. Only pet Yeontan as the dog watched you carefully. You wondered if he could hear your heart breaking in your chest. Slowly at first, and all at once when Taehyung met your gaze.

His eyes held finality. Like the last line of your favourite song.

“What did Jungkook’s girlfriend say about Sanghee?” he asked.

You thought your blood had turned cold in your veins, and you felt an icy sheen of sweat forming on every inch of your body. “Just her name.”

Taehyung didn’t speak for a time. “She’s an ex”, he admitted. He put Yeontan beside him, and the dog made itself at home right next to him. “We dated for a few months, but…”

You clenched your teeth, waiting for what was to come next.

“When we broke up we kept seeing each other”, he continued. “Purely physical. That’s why the guys wanted me to meet someone else.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, but somehow these were the last words he spoke for a long time.

So long you figured he wasn’t going to say anything else.

“When did you stop seeing her?” you asked, with a wavering voice that made you feel weak.

You thought you already knew, but you wanted to hear it from him. Needed to hear it from him, no matter how much it might hurt.

“It…” he trailed off. “We haven’t really stopped seeing each other.”

You had been a fool to think your heart had broken earlier. Because now it was falling, heading straight to hell, and it tore your chest open. Bled you dry, as your lungs burned. Oxygen made it worse, feeding the fire until every inch of you was burning with heartbreak.

All Taehyung did was look at you. Look at you with the stupid dark gaze that had made you fall for him all those years ago, and once again these few months ago. He looked apologetic, sorry, as if he was a child that had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

Worse, he looked like someone that had been caught cheating. But it wasn’t really cheating, was it? You hadn’t been dating. Had only been seeing each other for sex. Yes, Taehyung was a respectful man, and had never forced you to do anything if you didn’t feel like it. But you had imagined it to be more, to be him caring for you the same way you cared for him.

You had been delusional to think Kim Taehyung would care about someone else than himself.

After a little eternity, of unsaid words and unrequited feelings, you chose to go. To let him go, and to do what was the good thing for you. Preservation, maybe, even if every single part of you wanted to cross the distance between you and lose yourself in him again. Because maybe then you wouldn’t be hurting so much. Maybe then you could pretend the last few hours had never happened. Had only been a product of your imagination, a nightmare brought to life.

But nightmares were real, and it was time your feet found ground again. Ground and reality, where you could go back to living your life without the sins Kim Taehyung brought to it.

So, you looked away from him and you turned around, making your way towards the door.

“Wait, Y/n”, he said.

You didn’t stop, but he was quicker than you. Maybe because you were weak, and you didn’t really have the strength to walk away. Maybe because you cared too much, and it was slowing you down. He grabbed your wrist, turning you around and pulling you into his arms.

“I don’t want you to leave crying”, he said, wrapping his arms around your shaking frame.

Because you were crying now, sobbing with your face hidden in his chest. He gently ran a soothing hand on your back. And you wanted to curse him for it, to push him away until his heart broke too. He didn’t get to be the one to comfort you. Yet you couldn’t pull away, wanting to enjoy these last moments in the warmth of his arms.

“I really didn’t realize you cared for me like that”, he said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

It made you understand one thing: Taehyung didn’t feel for you the way you felt for him. You had been stupid to think everything would be alright. He had always been meant to break your heart.

Maybe he should have stayed a ghost in your life after all.

“You…” Taehyung started, but his voice caught in his throat.

“What the fuck is going on?”

You startled out of Taehyung’s arms, for what seemed like the hundredth time today. As if you had never been meant to be in his arms in the end. Now you knew that was true. You quickly wiped your cheeks dry, and almost wished you hadn’t when your vision cleared up.

Cleared up to reveal a red-faced Eunjin, with a plastic bag seemingly holding containers.

“What the fuck is going on?” she repeated.

“Why did you just come in like that at this time of the night?” Taehyung asked in the same reproachful tone your best friend had used.

Her eyes moved between you and her brother a couple of times before they settled on you. “Y/n, please tell me this is not what I think it is.”

“Eunjin”, Taehyung said with a stern voice. “It’s none of your business.”

“Something’s going on between the two of you and you didn’t think to tell me?” Eunjin’s voice had gone a little higher.

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asked again.

She slowly shook her head, before putting down the bag she was holding. “Eoma asked me to bring you some side dishes and I didn’t have space in my fridge so I thought I’d drop it off.”

“You can’t just come unannounced.”

“You can’t just fuck my best friend.”

“Eunjin!” you burst out. “Whatever was between us is over.” It made Taehyung tense next to you, but he knew it just as well as you did. Wasn’t it what he wanted?

Eunjin only then realized the tears you had failed at drying. Or maybe your eyes had gone bloodshot, as they tended to do whenever you cried. “Y/n…”

“And now I’m going to go home”, you added and you continued moving towards the door.

Eunjin quickly fell into step with you. “I’m going to kill him.” She let out a bitter chuckle. “Oh he is fucking dead.” This time she scoffed. “I can’t believe he would hurt you.”

“What makes you think he hurt me?” you said as you stopped at the door to put your shoes on.

“I know my brother”, she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s the only thing he knows how to do.”

You were almost offended by what she implied. You looked behind, hoping Taehyung would be there to defend himself, but he hadn’t followed you. It hurt and burned, and you wished you could go back to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. But you couldn’t. Especially not now that Eunjin was next to you.

“The only thing he cares about is himself”, Eunjin continued, and you hated that you had yourself thought so just a moment ago. “He uses people and drops them when he doesn’t need them anymore.”

The look you threw her finally made her shut up. She offered you an apologetic smile, but you ignored it as you stepped out.

“Let me drive you home”, Eunjin gently said once you were outside.

You nodded, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall again. Eunjin noticed, and she grabbed your hand reassuringly.

“I can’t believe I lied to you all this time”, you said, brushing the tears that had spilled on your cheek.

Knowing Eunjin and the grudges she could hold, you could only hope she wouldn’t hold this one. “You know what? I suspected it. During the Holidays. But I wanted you to tell me yourself and then I just thought it was all in my head.”

You chuckled sadly. “Wasn’t in your head.”

“Unfortunately”, she grumbled, looking behind her. “But let’s not talk about it tonight.”

“Aren’t you working tomorrow?” you asked with a small voice.

She shook her head no. “This is an emergency, work can wait.”

This time, you really couldn’t stop the tears that rolled on your cheeks.

“Oh Y/n”, she said, pulling you in her embrace. “I’m so sorry.”

You were tired of Kim siblings apologizing today, but Eunjin’s arms felt a lot more reassuring than Taehyung’s had felt just a moment ago. Strangely enough, just like a moment ago, this hug was interrupted by a Kim sibling, one you really didn’t want to see at the moment.

“Y/n”, Taehyung called from the door to his building.

Eunjin turned on her heels so quickly it almost made you fall. “You go back inside”, she said, motioning to the building. “You don’t get to hurt her and then pretend nothing happened.”

“Eunjin”, Taehyung said carefully. “I just want to talk.”

“Not today, oppa.”

She had her fists on her hips, standing her ground in front of her older brother. It was all for you, and it made a small laugh fall from your lips.

The two siblings threw you a surprised look, and when you met Taehyung’s gaze your heart constricted in your chest, reminding you of the reality of heartbreak.

“What do you want, Tae?”

You had barely spoken over a whisper, but you could see him gulp in the distance. “I just want to talk”, he repeated. “Just to explain myself.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re important to me”, he said. “I can’t just let you go like that.”

“Maybe you should have decided that before breaking her heart, asshole”, Eunjin grumbled.

“Eunjin”, you said in the same scolding tone she had just used.

She rolled her eyes, folding her arms on her chest. “Don’t make me angry at you too.”

You slowly nodded, before turning towards Taehyung again. He looked pale. As if all the honey in his skin had drained, leaving only a pale shade behind. A ghost of what you knew he truly looked like. He almost looked as if this was hurting him as much as it was hurting you, and it made you want to hate him.

But you didn’t really have it in you to hate Kim Taehyung. No matter how broken and jagged the pieces of your heart felt.

“Listen, Tae”, you breathed, and you blinked away tears – who knew you were such a crier when it came to men? “I don’t really want to talk right now.”

“But…”

“Not today, Tae”, you said, echoing Eunjin’s previous words. “I’m tired, and I want to go home.”

He ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. It made them stand on his head, and he looked somehow desperate. As if letting you go was taking its toll on him.

A little dirty part of you was satisfied at the thought that he felt bad too.

“Okay”, he let out. He shut his eyes, cocking his head to the side. “Just call me when you want to talk.”

“I will.” It was a promise, more than you wanted to give him. But the part of you that cared for him really hated that he looked hurt. Deeply, just like you were.

Why would he have run after you if he didn’t care?

It was a treacherous thought to have, and there was so much to discuss between the two of you. Feelings you had ignored so well you hadn’t even realized they were there until it was too late. Stuff he had hidden from you, or that you had never thought to ask. That you had never thought you needed to ask. You had thought what you had with him was real, in some way. Had convinced yourself so well, you had never even seen the signs that it might not be.

Was she why he hadn’t sought to see you more often? The question was poison to your bleeding heart, and you pushed it away. You would have plenty of time to think about it tomorrow, or the day after that. For now, you needed to focus on mending the broken pieces of your heart, in Eunjin’s company. Someone you never should have lied to in the first place. After all, maybe she would have been able to save you the broken heart.

But maybes weren’t going to fix the situation, weren’t they?

 *****

                 Heartbreak did a strange thing to the world. It made it seem colourless, as if the colours had leeched from your surroundings the same way the happiness had disappeared. Everything was meek, shining in shades of a morose gray to which melancholy clung. Sleep evaded you most nights, and you spent the darkest hours rethinking the events.

Wondering where it all went wrong. What you did wrong for him to keep seeing her. Were you bad in bed? For all his praise, had he only been lying to you?

All the questions spun in your head relentlessly. You were aware that it was toxic to think about it, but Taehyung was your first heartbreak. You didn’t really know how to act, and exhaustion was clinging to you.

It had been a week since you had left Taehyung’s place. He had watched you leave, and hadn’t Eunjin been by your side you probably would have run back to him. Instead, you had only looked at him while Eunjin had been driving away, and Taehyung’s broken eyes had made you burst out crying again.

You were glad for Eunjin. She had been picking up your pieces, slowly but surely. Spending as much time with you as she could. It made you feel weak, but this was your first broken heart. You didn’t really know how to heal it, and having your best friend by your side helped.

Especially since you didn’t have to lie to her anymore. You could tell she was disappointed, that you had kept everything silent, but still she was by your side, never pushing you to talk.

She hadn’t really needed to anyway. You had told her everything the next day, even if some parts had clearly made her uncomfortable considering Taehyung was her older brother. Even through all the wincing, she had held your hand, and when you had cried, she had dried your tears. Somehow, you hadn’t been able to talk about Sanghee though. The subject hurt too much, and you had chosen to wait. It wasn’t like it mattered anyway.

You were currently lying in bed. Eunjin was next to you, scrolling on her phone. Your own cell phone had been foreign to you since last week. Mostly because Taehyung had texted you the next day to ask when you wanted to talk. Eunjin had been the one to tell him you needed more time, and ever since then your phone had been silent.

The silence was like a colourless world. Morose, melancholic, and it made everything ache a little more. Because there were reminders of Taehyung everywhere, in this world. The perks of getting your heart broken by someone famous.

You sighed, running a hand on your face.

“Everything okay?” Eunjin quickly asked, concern laced with her voice.

Your hand stalled on your face for a few seconds before you let it slide to the bed as you nodded slightly. “Just feel lonely.”

It wasn’t your first time telling her that. “I’m right here.”

“I know.”

You let out a small bitter chuckle, because she knew just as well as you that the person you wanted to see was Taehyung, and not her. Even if you loved Eunjin deeply, she wasn’t her brother.

“Do you think I should talk to him today?” you asked, turning your head towards her.

She was already looking at you, with a somber expression on her features. “Do you feel ready to talk to him?”

All week you had told her no. But for some reason, your first instinct wasn’t to say no today. It wasn’t like you wanted to wait forever; if Taehyung had something to tell you, you wanted to hear it now. Not when talking to him would reopen the wounds.

You needed to truly put him in the past if you wanted to move on from him. A conversation would offer closure, and hopefully then it wouldn’t hurt as bad.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready”, you admitted. “I just want to get it over with.”

Eunjin’s features reminded you of Taehyung. The slight pout of her lips, her eyebrows raised just a little over her eyes… she looked a little too much like him.

It made you look away, and your gaze moved back to the ceiling.

“I get it, honestly”, Eunjin said after a few more seconds of silence. “Do you want me to text him to come over?”

“Uh”, you let out, before letting out a small laugh. “While you’re here?”

Eunjin nudged you with an elbow. “As much as I’d like to murder him, I think it’s a conversation you need to have with him alone.”

“Yeah”, you agreed. “That’s what I think too.” You paused, letting out another longing sigh. “I can text him myself though.”

Eunjin sat up, and her heavy gaze on you couldn’t be avoided anymore. “I’ll keep my phone close. If you need me, you call.”

You followed her, sitting up next to her. “I will, I promise.”

She slowly nodded, before glancing at the door of your apartment. As she remained silent, you grabbed your phone from the bedside table. It felt strange in your hands, as if thinking that you were about to text Taehyung was giving you a little life again.

It wasn’t all that much that you missed him. It was more of a relief, knowing that the pain was finally coming to an end. Or to whatever end a conversation with Taehyung could lead to.

You had talked to Jungkook’s girlfriend this week. She had been sweet and had offered to meet up for coffee sometime. You had agreed, and you were set to grab coffee with her next week. It showed you one thing: even if Taehyung might be about to get out of your life, there were still other people, new people that you would meet.

Your phone scanned your features, before opening to your home screen. You sighed, clicking on the text message app. It took everything in you to open the conversation with Taehyung, and you looked up to Eunjin as the conversation appeared on the screen.

“Gosh”, you let out.

She offered you an encouraging smile. “It’s going to be okay”, she reassured you. “Taehyung is an ass, but he’s willing to talk. That’s more than I’ve ever seen him do for someone before.”

You hated the seed of hope that it planted in you, but a foolish, stupid part of you clung to it. You needed hope after all the pain. But you tried to tame the hope, to push it away. Taehyung had been seeing someone else. All that time you had imagined to be special between the two of you, he had had someone else in his life.

You weren’t sure it was something you could ever forgive him for, but you were willing to listen to him. Maybe because you had known him for most of your life, and you owed him as much. Though you weren’t sure he deserved it, after all he had done.

His explanations needed to be good.

“Did he tell you about Sanghee?” you asked her.

You had avoided her mention ever since you had left Taehyung’s place, but you needed to know. Whatever Eunjin might tell you… because some part of you didn’t even believe Taehyung would tell you everything.

“Sanghee? He told you about her?” She looked genuinely surprised.

You shook your head no. “Not really. He just mentioned her because Jungkook’s girlfriend talked to me about her.”

“They were dating last year”, Eunjin said. “Sanghee was just in the picture for his money and fame. Taehyung broke up with her when he realized.”

“Did he tell you that he kept seeing her after that?”

Eunjin’s face was unreadable for a time. “I wouldn’t be surprised.” She looked sorry. Apologetic, at having to tell you that. Because she was your best friend: you knew she wished she could tell you that Taehyung was just rainbows and butterflies. She knew him better than anyone else though, and she wasn’t a liar.

You knew she would never lie to you.

“He told me he did”, you admitted. “That’s mostly why I ended things between us.”

It hadn’t really been the only cause. Because you still were ashamed to say you had fallen in love with him while he had only cared for you for sex. You had already told her enough about your story with Taehyung, and you didn’t want to explore it further with her.

It was something that was yours and his. You didn’t want to share it with his sister too.

“You know what?” Eunjin let out. “For someone that never dated anyone, you really know your worth.”

You furrowed your brows. “I let him string me along for months.”

Eunjin cocked her head to the side, her lips stretched in a white line. “You still ended things with him. The only other person that was able to break up with him was his first girlfriend.”

You remembered her, a little. Just that she had been in the picture. You had never really met her, but you knew losing her had broken Taehyung’s heart. It had been years ago, sometime around when you and Taehyung had stopped talking to you.

“Go me”, you said weakly, and Eunjin let out a small laugh.

“Go you”, she agreed. She threw her arms around you, hugging you tight. You hugged her back, nuzzling your face in her neck. “I still want to kill him for hurting you though.”

“I might kill him myself”, you mumbled.

She laughed again, a clear laugh that did wonders to your broken heart. “You should. Teach him a lesson. It’s time he stops being an asshole.”

You weren’t really sure you would have such an impact on Kim Taehyung. Even if you had known him before he became all that he now was, you were nothing compared to him.

You pushed the insecurity away. You weren’t nothing. You were your own person, and the fact you weren’t a celebrity like him meant nothing. In fact, you were glad for it. You didn’t envy his famous status, and the scrutiny under which he was forced to live his life. Maybe he would have turned out differently, hadn’t it been for all of that.

“Now, tell him to come over”, Eunjin said as she pulled away, still holding you by the shoulders.

You nodded, and you glanced down at your phone. The screen had turned dark, and this time when it scanned your features and opened, it opened right on the conversation with Taehyung. You quickly typed a message, something simple, because you weren’t quite convinced you would still have the courage to invite him over to talk if you wrote more than a sentence.

You watched the message go from sent to delivered, and then you met Eunjin’s gaze again. “Done.”

She smiled at you. “Good. Now I’m going to get a baseball bat in case…”

“Eunjin-ie!” you exclaimed, pushing her away. “You’re the one that told me to invite him over.”

Her smile turned devilish. “I’m just saying I really want to beat some sense into him.”

“I’ll do it myself, I told you”, you grumbled.

Before she replied, Taehyung sent a message back, saying that he was on his way. You worried at your bottom lip, putting your phone away.

“So?”

“He’s on his way”, you told Eunjin.

“Damn, this is not my brother”, she whispered. She shook her head, widening her eyes in surprise before glancing at the door.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged sheepishly. “He doesn’t act like that with girls. And I really hope he’s not only doing this because you are my friend.”

You could imagine that he would. Family was important to Taehyung, far more than it was to most people nowadays. If talking to you could preserve his relationship with Eunjin, you were pretty sure he would. But Eunjin had been entirely loyal to you, ever since last week. She had told you she had ignored his calls, and that she would until everything was settled between the two of you. And for all her complaining, you knew Eunjin cared about Taehyung just as much as he cared about her.

No matter the outcome of your conversation today, you knew she would still remain just as close to him as she’d always been. You couldn’t blame her for it, he was her older brother after all.

Eunjin left a few minutes later. Hugging you tight to her chest, telling you once again to call or text if you needed to. You reassured her, telling her that you were strong enough to do this yourself, but as you watched her disappear, you fought an unexpected wave of tears. You blinked them away, cursing Taehyung under your breath, before moving to your couch.

Where this whole thing had started in the first place. You sighed deeply, wishing you could go back in time to erase what had happened here all those months ago. But as you waited for Taehyung, you tried to think about something else. About anything that wouldn’t make your mood fall lower than it already was. You didn’t want him to know just how bad you had been doing.

Taehyung arrived a while later. For some reason, you had expected him to get to your place in no time, but it took him almost an hour. When he knocked on your door, you paused the drama you had put on as background noise, taking a deep breath to collect the little courage that you still had.

You got up from the couch, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip as you slowly walked to the door. Slowly, because you dreaded the moment you’d open it and you’d be forced to gaze at his handsome features.

Your hand was on the knob when he knocked again, and it made you jump a little. You took another shuddering breath in, and then you turned the doorknob.

The sight of Taehyung wasn’t what you had expected it would be. His hair was ruffled, untamed, and he was plainly dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt. His eyes avoided yours, but you immediately noticed the dark circles that painted them, making him look dreadful.

Taehyung looked just as exhausted as you felt.

A little yelp attracted your attention, and your eyes fell to the floor. Yeontan was looking up at you, and as soon as you noticed him, he ran to you, begging to be picked up.

“Hey you”, you let out, surprised to see him there. You bent down, scratching the dog’s head. Knowing you couldn’t avoid it any longer, you looked up at Taehyung.

He finally met your gaze. “Hey.” His voice was small. Deep, deeper than the ocean, but it sounded empty. Void of the warmth it usually carried.

Whatever remained of your heart in your chest constricted, aching more than you had even expected it could. You had to gulp down a sudden lump in your throat, and you picked Yeontan up to busy yourself. To give yourself an excuse to look away.

“Why did you bring Yeontan?” you asked once you were standing, the leash hanging between you and him.

He shrugged. “I thought you might want to see him.”

You looked at him for a few seconds, before turning towards your apartment. “Come in.”

He followed you in, letting the leash go so he could take off his shoes. You brought Yeontan in, putting him down on the carpet next to your couch.

“Animals aren’t allowed here”, you said, and you dug your hands in the back pockets of your jeans so Taehyung wouldn’t notice they were shaking a little.

He shrugged. “If they complain I’ll buy the building.”

You cocked an eyebrow, tilting your head to the side. “That’s a bit excessive.”

He shrugged again, before walking in. He had put on the slippers you had gotten especially for him. They were BTS slippers, and you had gotten them as a joke in January.

You smiled a little at the memory, but froze as he moved closer to you.

“I don’t care.” He stopped about a meter and a half away from you, and the distance had never felt so wide. “Just a peace offering.”

You pursed your lips, slowly nodding your head. Yeontan barked, and a small smile broke on your mouth as you bent down to pet him again.

You didn’t see it, but Taehyung looked at your smile as if it was an oasis in the middle of the desert.

“You’re lucky I love him”, you said with a tiny voice.

Taehyung stayed silent, and you just played with the dog for a time. Mostly because you wanted to avoid the conversation. As much as you needed to talk to him, or to hear what he wanted to say, you also dreaded the end of whatever it was that you and Taehyung had shared.

But you couldn’t push the moment away for far longer. Soon enough, you had to stand up straight, and face whatever Taehyung had to say.

You schooled your features into neutrality, hoping he wouldn’t see the ache behind your eyes before finally straightening and meeting his gaze.

His dark gaze looked similar to what you were used to, but something was missing. The spark that it had held before was gone. It made Taehyung look infinitely sad. You hated it, and you clenched your jaw.

“Do you want to sit?” he asked.

You hadn’t expected it. You looked at your couch, remembering everything that had ever happened there. You shook the memories away, before sitting. Yeontan jumped on the floor, begging to be put on the couch too. You couldn’t help but laugh a little, before giving in to the dog’s desire. He let out a small bark, as Taehyung sat on the other extremity of the couch.

He had the ghost of a smile on his lips, and you quickly looked away at the sight of it.

You sat in silence for a while. Not knowing where to start, not wanting to be the first one to talk. You wanted him to talk first, to tell you whatever he had run out in the night to tell you the other day. But Taehyung seemed to be struggling to find words to say. You’d let him have all the time he needed before he collected his thoughts.

“How have you been doing?” he asked.

It took you by surprise, to hear him asking that first. You wet your lips, shrugging. “I don’t think you’re here to talk about that, Tae.”

He was looking at the floor, and a glance at him showed you the way his shoulders seemed to fall forward, making him look defeated. And maybe he was, after everything.

“Sorry”, he apologized. “I just… I don’t even know where to start.”

You worried at your bottom lip. “Why don’t you start by telling me what you wanted to say last week?”

He shrugged, and there was another long silence.

“Sanghee means nothing”, he finally said. “She never really did.”

You breathed in and out once, shakily. “But you never stopped seeing her.”

“It was entirely just physical. And it didn’t even happen a lot. She called sometimes and I just went because I was bored. I have and had no interest in her ever, if I’m honest.” He shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I called her at the beginning of the week to end things with her. It was stupid that I was still seeing her”, he scoffed. “I hate that I had to hurt you to realize that, but she never even mattered.”

He fell silent, and you just watched his profile for a time. Yeontan had crossed the distance to Taehyung, perhaps sensing that his dad needed him.

“It just feels…” you trailed off. The beginning of the sentence had been accusative, and you took a deep breath to calm down. “It makes me feel like I wasn’t enough. Or not good enough.”

“Trust me”, Taehyung said, finally meeting your gaze. “It has nothing to do with that at all. I just…” He glanced down at your hands. You were wriggling your fingers, anxiously, and he looked so full of hate for himself for a time… It made him look ugly. “I can’t really justify my actions. Because they have no reasons. She asked and I didn’t really care so I went. But…” He paused, wetting his lips, searching your features for a few seconds. “It never felt with her the way it felt with you.”

“What is it supposed to mean?” you asked with a weak voice you wanted to hate yourself for.

He looked down at Yeontan as the little dog struggled to climb on his lap. “That if all the times with her could have been with you, then I would have had them with you.”

Your eyes were sad when he looked at you again. But they held no tears, and you weren’t sure you would be crying more tears for him. You had cried enough.

“You could have had them with me, Tae…”

He shut his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “I know. I realize that now. I just always thought… because of Eunjin I just…”

He was at a loss for words. That much was clear. And you didn’t know what to do to help him.

“Do you want a glass of water?” you asked as he searched for words.

His eyes fell open, and a crease appeared between his brows. “What?”

“Do you want a glass of water?”

He looked at you with an unreadable expression for a time. “Uh yes, please.”

You nodded, getting up from your spot on the couch to walk the short distance to the kitchen. You could feel the weight of Taehyung’s gaze on your back, but you didn’t look back. Instead, you focused on pouring the water from your water filter pitcher in a glass. Once the glass was full and you had no excuse left, you turned around and walked back towards Taehyung.

He looked at a random spot on your wrist as you handed him the glass. He carefully took it, and your fingers touched for a moment. You hated that it made you want to reach out and grab his hand.

He said your name, his voice barely even audible to you. “Thank you.”

You nodded your head, offering him a small smile, before you moved back to your own spot on the couch. You settled yourself comfortably, sitting angled towards Taehyung. He noticed, and he also turned his chest towards you, resting his shoulder against the couch before taking a long sip of water.

“I thought that because of Eunjin, you would never really be interested in me”, he said once he had swallowed. “And I fully understand how stupid that is, I was an oblivious ass. Or maybe it was me and I didn’t want to think about anything more happening between us…” He trailed off, and he let out a little broken chuckle that made every inch of your body ache. “But the day of my birthday. Fuck, I wanted to hate you after. But I couldn’t and I kept coming back.”

“What?” you let out.

He wet his lips, and he searched your features for a couple of seconds. “You know, when I was younger, I always imagined myself getting married. And now, when I look at myself in the future, I see myself with someone like you. Someone that knows me from before, someone that cares for me for the person that I was back then. I think that’s why I was attracted to you in the first place.”

You were stunned for a moment, unexpecting the words that were spilling from his mouth now. And he didn’t seem like he could stop anymore, as if the glass of water had helped him to finally find the words he had been wanting to say earlier.

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “Scratch that”, he added. “I don’t see myself with someone like you. I see myself with you. With you by my side, raising my children with me. I think you’re the only one that can understand why I want five children. Because there was the five of us growing up and it was perfect. You’re the only one that I can imagine sharing my life with that way.”

“Tae”, you let out. “You can’t just say all of that.”

It stopped the words falling from his mouth. Yet his lips remained parted, and you could almost hear the echo of his voice in your skull.

He was pale. He had been pale last week, but he looked even worse today. As if he hadn’t seen the sun in a while, and hadn’t eaten well since then either. He looked crestfallen, and all the fight that you had seen in him for the last few minutes drained out of him, leaving but an empty husk of him behind.

“I was falling for you”, you said carefully. “I fell for you once when we were younger, and then all these months… it was like my teenage dreams coming to reality. And it makes me uncomfortable that all along there was someone else…” You pursed your lips, searching for words, a little like he had been a moment ago. “Was there anyone else, other than Sanghee?”

You hadn’t expected the question. Clearly he hadn’t either, because his eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. “Never. Not even once. And you have to trust me, Sanghee means nothing to me. It really was just physical. Maybe I agreed to meet with her because I kept telling myself I couldn’t be with you. Because of Eunjin, and because of who we were to each other.”

Somehow it really didn’t make you feel better. But at the same time… he wanted to be with you. He imagined himself with you in the future, like you had been imagining yourself with him. Even if you refused to admit it to yourself, you had chosen Taehyung because, to you, there was never going to be someone else than him. It had been him once, and it would always be him.

You were weak for Kim Taehyung. Had been before you had even known what it meant.

“Where does that put us though?” you questioned. “You were acting weird with me, Tae. All these months. I never could have imagined there was someone else.”

“I know.” The look of defeat on him only worsened. “I can’t show you how I was with her because I’d never treat you like that.” He scoffed. “You could talk to Jungkook. I think it’s the first time in my life he actually was angry at me. But his girlfriend… She really likes you. She told me I was a disgusting prick and that I didn’t deserve you. She said I was stringing you along…” There was silver lining his gaze now. “I never meant to string you along. I didn’t realize that I was stringing you along until I understood how oblivious I’ve been.”

You would need to tell the girl you loved her. As soon as you could. Because having her stick up for you meant more than you could ever say.

“I wasn’t all that better”, you said.

It was true. You also had avoided talking to him about how you felt. Had avoided even thinking about it as much as you could. Funnily enough, it had never been about Eunjin to you. But you could understand why it had been that way to him. Eunjin was his little sister, someone he had taken care of. He would have never done anything that could put a wedge in his relationship with her.

Except he had, and that thing was you.

“I didn’t talk to you either”, you said. “I mean.” You let out a small anxious laugh. “I didn’t want to talk to you about how I felt, because I refused to even admit it to myself. But at Jimin’s dinner, I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. The more you showed me affection, the more I felt myself sinking.”

You fell silent and he just observed you for a time, with that deep dark gaze of his.

“I can’t really blame you”, he finally said. “Yes, I could see that we both have faults in this. But…” He slowly shook his head again. “Princess, I was using you.”

“Were you?” you enquired, and your heart beat quicker in your chest. “Were you using me, Tae?”

There really were tears in his eyes. It made his gaze dim, with sadness and melancholy. “No. I wanted to see you. If I used someone, it was Sanghee. Never you. I actually enjoyed spending time with you. You remind me of a simpler time.” He wet his lips. “I really like the time we spent together.”

“I liked it too.” You could admit that.

He held your gaze. “I am so sorry.”

He truly looked sorry. In all truth, he looked like a beaten puppy. Even with Yeontan cuddling by his side, Taehyung looked like a little lost boy. He was clutching the glass of water – he had only drunk a couple of sips, and the glass was still half full. You wanted to reach between you, to run a hand through his hair soothingly…

“What for?” you asked.

He laughed bitterly. “For everything. I was everything I don’t like about me with you. And I regret it.”

Could you forgive him? You really wanted to. You wanted to forget everything had happened, but you didn’t think you had it in you.

You still were aching, imagining him in the arms of someone else.

The silence stretched between you. You didn’t know what to say, and clearly he had told you everything. He sighed, and it left his nose shakily, as if he was on the verge of breaking. Yet you could tell he already had broken, much like you had.

It was surprising to think that you had broken Kim Taehyung too. Or maybe he had done that all by myself, breaking his heart as he tore yours from your chest.

“It’s okay”, you let out. “Thank you for telling me.”

There was a dismissal in your words. He heard it just as clear as you did. He ran a shaky hand on Yeontan, who let out a small sad sound.

“Thank you for listening.” He shut his eyes once more, the perfect picture of the fallen angel. You had thought him to be a devil once. You now knew that devils ached too. Had fallen just like everyone else. “You know”, he said, and his deep voice sounded oh so tired. “Watching you walk away the other day… it felt like I was dying. It made me realize that I care for you far more than I wanted to admit it to myself. And I’m aware that I took you for granted. I won’t ask you to be mine, because it feels unfair after what happened. I just…”

He trailed off, and his gaze met yours again. He wanted you to read the words in his eyes, but you needed to hear them.

“You just what?”

“I just want you to know that, wherever you go in this world, I will always be loving you.”

A tear slipped on your cheek, free falling, the same way you were free falling. Heading straight to the ground, yet…

Yet you didn’t reach it this time.

“Tae…”

“I’m crazy for you.” He said it like he had a hard time believing it himself. “I really am. I’m sorry I fucked everything up.”

You let his words sink in for a time. It wasn’t his first time telling you he was crazy for you. He had said so, on his birthday, when he had come to talk to you in his father’s office. You hadn’t thought his words had meant more than his sexual attraction to you. But you saw it in his eyes now. You saw the way they shone in the light. With emotion and intensity and regret. So much regret.

“Tae”, you repeated. “Do you…” You searched for the right words for a time. “Do you really think all of that?”

“Yes”, he said without a beat of silence. “It took me losing you to realize it. But yes, you matter to me. A hell of a lot.”

You tilted your head to the side. “You like me?”

He looked infinitely confused, with a crease between his perfect eyebrows, and a strand of hair falling in his eyes. “I just told you I’m in love with you?”

“Say it again.”

He understood. Quite at the same time as you did.

You weren’t going to let him go. You couldn’t let him go.

“Y/n…”

“Say it again.”

“I love you, princess”, he said, and he let out a small chuckle. A tear escaped the jail of his eyelids, rolling on his cheek until it fell on Yeontan’s head.

You folded your arms on your chest, then thought better of it and you hid your face in your hands, as a small broken sob shook your frame.

“No”, Taehyung let out.

It took a few seconds, but then he was taking you in his arms, crushing you against his chest. You laughed, sadly, as tears just cascaded on your cheeks. Taehyung was shaking, as if he was cold, and you let go of your face, only to bury it in his neck. You wrapped your arms around his waist, and one of his hands found its way to your hair. He massaged your scalp gently and you let him hold you. Let him comfort you. Because you wanted Taehyung to comfort you. You wanted to be with him.

But he couldn’t be with someone else at the same time.

“Tae”, you said against his neck.

He held you tighter. “Princess…”

“You can’t see someone else.”

He let out a small broken sound. “As if I’d ever want someone else than you, fuck.”

It was your turn to hold him tighter. Until Yeontan barked, and the two of you started laughing. You pulled away, trying to reach for the dog. But Taehyung was holding your shoulders, and a second later his hands moved to your cheeks. He dried your tears, and then pulled you in.

You let out a small, surprised sound as his lips found yours. But they were just as soft as you remembered, and you immediately melted into his touch. You kissed him back, with all the hurt that you had been carrying over the last week. Until Yeontan barked again, demanding attention.

“Wait, wait”, Taehyung said, pulling away from you. “Yeontan.” He used a firm authoritative voice, yet it only seemed to make his dog go crazy even more. Taehyung let out a long sigh and was about to turn towards his dog when you ran a hand through his untamed hair.

“You look like shit”, you said, and new tears rolled on your cheeks.

His eyes widened in fake offence. “Excuse me?”

“You haven’t slept and your hair is all a mess”, you tried to explain. “I’m so sorry I made you wait for a week.”

“Hey hey hey”, he said with a soothing voice, grabbing your wrists as you were once again going to run your hands through his hair in a hopeless attempt to tame the wild strands. “I would have waited for a lot longer if it was what you would have needed. It’s okay.”

Yeontan barked again.

“Let me just…” he trailed off, letting go of your wrists so he could grab his dog. “What’s wrong?”

Yeontan just looked at him with an innocent look on his face.

“I think he’s jealous.”

“Well, let me put him in your bathroom real quick”, Taehyung said with his classic small pout.

You loved when he looked at you like that. You watched him get up and move to the bathroom, while he murmured soothing words to his dog. Yeontan let out a single bark when Taehyung closed the door behind him, but then he fell silent.

You were thankful for it, because the look on Taehyung’s face had entirely changed once he settled his gaze on you again. You gulped as he walked back towards you.

He was yours. Kim Taehyung was yours. And it was true. The part he had mentioned about children. You understood why he wanted five kids. You wanted five of them yourself, just to offer them the childhood that you had yourself lived. You hadn’t told him earlier, but the urge to do so now was stronger than you.

“Tae”, you said as he sat back next to you.

“Mmh?”

You turned, facing him with your whole body. “I want to have children with you too. You’re the only person I could imagine a future like that with. I think that’s why I asked you, when I was drunk at Eunjin’s party.”

A small smirk had moved on his lips, and it gave colour to his cheeks again. To the whole world around him too, and your heart rate increased in your chest.

“Well then we better get started, mmh?”

Your mouth fell open. “Now?”

He shrugged, before leaning down to peck your lips. “Whenever you want, princess.”

“I’m on the pill so it can’t be right now. And I have my job so we would need to plan a little more but…”

Taehyung crashed his lips on yours, interrupting your rambling and you kissed him back, grabbing his cheeks to hold him close. He kissed you hungrily, passionately, with that same fire you had gotten used to with him. Only this time, the fire didn’t burn. It was like the fire a hearth held in the winter. It was welcoming, warm and made a home a home.

Taehyung was your home. He always had been.

Your tongue swiped at his bottom lip, asking for more, and soon enough he met it with his own. You sighed in his mouth, climbing on his lap as he pulled you, holding your waist firmly. As if he was afraid you’d go.

You wouldn’t be stupid enough to go again.

You moved from his mouth to his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on the warm skin. Wet kisses, and you sucked on his skin as you moved lower, where the collar of his shirt hid the rest of his body from you.

“Princess…” he breathed, and it almost sounded like a moan.

You sucked on the skin again, before moving up to his lips. Capturing them in another wild kiss, as Taehyung’s hands slid from your waist to your ass.

“Do you know how much I love it when you call me ‘princess’?” you asked him as you pulled away.

He was looking at you through half-lidded eyes, and you could see the lust burning in his gaze. A fire that was about to consume the two of you.

You had stopped caring when he had told you he loved you.

“I know”, he said, and a smirk moved on his glossy lips. “I know what my princess likes.”

You bit your tongue to refrain from moaning. Because he had grinded up as he had said the words, and the prominent bulge in his pants brushed against your clit.

“Tae…”

There was a moment where you just stared at each other. Gazed at each other, with longing and lust and love. Because there was love between the two of you, even if you had tried to ignore it for all those months.

“Y/n…”

You pecked his lips once, and the hands that had been holding you up on his shoulders slid down his frame, until you reached the hem of his shirt. With no hesitation, you pulled it up his torso, and Taehyung pushed up from the couch so he could help you get the shirt off. Once his honey skin was free from the fabric, you ran your hands down his frame again, enjoying the hard planes of his perfect body. He watched you as you did so, his large hands having found your ass once more.

He squeezed your ass as your fingers glided over his ribs. “That tickles.”

You let out a small feminine laugh. The laugh only he had been able to bring out of you. “Sorry.”

You dove in once again, kissing him slow and deep, with your tongues meeting halfway. You sucked on his, and he grunted in your mouth, before letting his hands wander up and under your shirt. He pulled it up your frame, and you pulled away just long enough for him to take it off you before crashing your lips on his again.

His skilled fingers reached to your back untying your bra, but before he had been able to pull the fabric off your body, your phone rang.

You both turned your head to the device. It was face down on your bed, where you had left it earlier as you had been waiting for Taehyung.

“Do you want to get that?” he asked, right as he took off your bra.

You hesitated a few seconds, before getting up. “It’s probably your sister checking up on me.”

You crossed the distance to your bed, climbing the small flight of stairs that led to it. You sat on the mattress, letting out a small laugh as your eyes fell to your naked breasts. Your nipples were perked up, and you didn’t need to look at Taehyung to know what he was looking at.

You grabbed your phone, turning it at the same time as it stopped ringing. It was a missed call from Eunjin. A slight blush crept on your cheeks, and you quickly opened the phone so you could text her that you were okay.

Her reply came in before you had time to put the phone aside.

Does this mean you’re going to fuck my brother again?

Your cheeks were burning red when you looked up towards Taehyung. “Gosh.”

He smiled. “Eunjin?”

You nodded. “Let me just…” you trailed off as you texted your best friend that she was disgusting, adding three little dots and the winking emoji. You then shut your phone off, until only a black screen was staring up at you, before you looked at Taehyung again.

“She will probably kill me”, he said.

“She can try”, you replied from your spot on the bed. You put your phone on your bedside table, before moving until you were lying on your side, looking at Taehyung. “Why don’t you come here?”

The smirk on his lips made heat pool at your core as he moved towards you. Ever so slowly, with that same predator gait that made your blood boil inside. You bit your lip, holding in your own smirk.

Taehyung stopped next to your mattress. He undid his belt, slowly, and you shamelessly looked down as he let his pants fall around his ankles. The imprint of his dick in his pale underwear had you salivating, especially as your eyes followed it to the tip, where a wet spot indicated that precum had already leaked from his dick.

“You’re already hard for me”, you praised.

He palmed himself through his boxer briefs, cocking his head to the side. “My princess likes me hard, doesn’t she?”

You sat up, before moving to a kneeling position beside him. Because of your mattress, your mouth was at a level with his stomach instead of his dick, so you pressed a kiss under his belly button, before sucking the skin in. Totally aiming to leave a love bite there.

He hissed, one of his large hands moving in your hair so he could hold it like a ponytail. “You’re going to be a good girl and suck my dick, mmh?”

You kissed the tip of his dick, licking your lips chasing the salty taste of him. “Will you be a good boy and fuck me after?”

He let out a small laugh. “Dominant might look good on you.”

You bit into the side of his dick, softly. “Would it?” You moved to the tip, licking it. “I wonder what you would look like with me whipping you?”

His eyes went ten shades darker. “We’ll have to try.”

He grunted as you sucked him through the brief, and your saliva added a bigger spot where the precum already was. Taehyung seemed to grow tired of your teasing, because he pulled on your hair, long enough so he could pull his briefs down. His dick sprung free, and you let out a small breathy sound.

“You’re so thirsty for my dick, mmh?” Taehyung said. “You’re going to be a good girl and milk it for me now.”

You whined a little, because he was still pulling on your hair. He loosened the grip, and you immediately moved forward… only you avoided his dick, and you planted an open-mouthed kiss on the base of it. Looking up at Taehyung, holding his gaze as his cock stood hard next to your face.

“Fucking tease.” Taehyung looked angry, somehow. The cursing turned you on, and you sucked on the base of his dick, as you wrapped a hand around his length. Slowly jerking him off, never breaking eye contact. “Suck me, princess.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, but you finally gave in to his desires, pulling away just enough so you could wrap your lips around the head of his dick. You sucked on it, hollowing your cheeks as you swirled your tongue on his frenulum. A satisfied smirk appeared on his lips, and it only encouraged you to take him in your mouth, going as far as you could without choking.

“Good girl”, he praised, eyes never blinking. No, he was drinking in the sight of you, and you could tell he needed more. But you wanted him too, so you obeyed. Shutting your eyes to focus on sucking him, using your tongue to pleasure him in time with your hand as you jerked off what didn’t fit in your mouth.

Taehyung grunted, hips bucking forward just a little, but you could tell he was restraining himself. He didn’t want to fuck your mouth. Probably because he wanted to fuck your pussy all night and needed all his energy for that. The thought made you moan around the length of his dick, and he grunted louder this time.

“Fuck.”

You moaned again, swallowing around his dick as you took it as deep as you could. This time, you choked around him, and tears formed behind your closed eyelids. He pulled on your hair, until your mouth was free of his dick.

“Princess.”

You opened your eyes, looking up at him as you kept slowly jerking him off.

“I can’t believe the only dick you’ve sucked is mine, you’re so good.”

The praise made you moan, and Taehyung pulled your hand away from his cock. You offered him a confused look, but he kneeled in front of you, capturing your lips in a heated kiss.

His hands were everywhere: on your sides, on your back, in your hair. They moved to the front of your body, grabbing your breasts, pinching your nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He pinched hard, enough to hurt, but it only made you soak your panties even more.

Taehyung knew you liked a little pain. And he knew just how to hurt you to please you.

He pulled away from the kiss, replacing one hand with his mouth. He sucked on your nipple, worshipping it with his tongue as you moaned, arching your back and losing your hands in his hair. He nibbled at the sensitive bud and you shook in his hold, pleasure already building up inside of you. He chose that moment to let the other hand wander down your body, and he struggled with the button of your pants for a few seconds before it came undone, letting him dive his hand in, until he was cupping your pussy.

“You’re dripping wet, aren’t you?” he said, pulling away from your breast long enough to meet your gaze. “You’re going to come in no time.”

As if he wanted to prove his words, he sucked on your nipple again, using his teeth just enough to cause that blissful pain you had grown accustomed to. You moaned as he started pressing circles on your clit, through the fabric of your panties. You grinded in his hand, and sure enough there already was an orgasm bubbling on the horizon of your conscience. It came to you fast, and right before it hit you, Taehyung pulled away, stopping his ministrations on your nipple and your clit.

You let out a pained whine at the denied orgasm, and your hand reached towards your clit in the hope that you could still hit your high. Taehyung stopped you, grabbing your wrists until you stopped resisting him.

“You’re going to come only when I tell you to come, alright?”

His baritone voice was even lower than it usually was. Filled with danger, and you nodded your head. You wanted to be a good girl for him, because you knew he always rewarded you with the best orgasms when you were.

You nodded. “Alright.”

“On your back”, he said, your favourite smirk back on his lips.

You obeyed, eyes never leaving his dark gaze. The fallen angel through and through, about to use your body for his sins.

You’d let him use your body for his sins for the rest of your life. He must have noticed the emotion move over your face, because he climbed on top of you, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered shut, and he pressed a kiss on your two cheeks before landing one on your lips. You kissed him back, sighing against him as he grabbed your wrists gently, pulling them over your head.

“No touching, mmh?”

He had barely pulled away, and you kept your eyes closed as you replied. “You should tie me up.”

“Don’t be a brat today, princess”, he warned. “I just want to enjoy you, I don’t want to have to punish you.”

You gulped, before slowly nodding your head. “I won’t touch you.”

“Good girl.”

He moved down your body, and your eyes fluttered open to look at him. He took off your pants, bringing your underwear down at the same time. His eyes were staring right at your pussy, and had you not known any better, you would have closed your thighs to hide yourself from his view. But clearly Taehyung was in a mood, and you didn’t want to anger him.

The denied orgasm still hurt deep down in your core.

You had expected Taehyung to eat you out. And he almost did, blowing a breath on your pussy, but he kneeled between your legs instead, letting his cock rest on your pubis.

“I almost want to fuck you like that”, he let out. “You’d be so fucking tight.”

But it’d hurt. That much you knew. And you also knew Taehyung would never hurt you like that. Still, your eyes fluttered shut as he moved back, just enough for his dick to move towards your entrance.

“And you’d let me do it, wouldn’t you?”

You would. “Yes”, you breathed, because you knew he liked it when you were vocal.

“Good girl.” He ran his hands on your thighs, pulling your legs up until he had them rested on one of his shoulders. “I’ll still finger you first.”

He had barely said the words before two long digits slipped inside of you. You let out a moan as he immediately curled them to hit the spot inside of you that made you see stars. And he fingered you relentlessly, and hard, until you were a moaning mess under his skilled fingers.

“You can’t come yet, mmh?” he let out as your walls clenched around him. “Wait until I tell you, princess.”

“Tae”, you moaned, and your eyes fluttered open.

He smirked at you. “Hi there.”

“I want to come”, you complained.

He pressed a kiss on the side of one of your legs. “You can wait just a little longer for me, mmh?” He landed another kiss on your calf. “I want you to come around my dick.”

The orgasm was close, clinging to you, making you ache from head to toe. You held it in, focusing on the strands of hair in front of his eyes. It moved as he fingered you, and he had to blink to keep it from touching his eyes. But he wasn’t slowing down, pushing against your g-spot until your legs shook on his shoulder.

“Do you think you can take me now?” he asked.

“Yes, Tae”, you said breathlessly. “Please.”          

His finger left you empty, only to move up to your clit. He started drawing circles on it again, and you shuddered as he pushed his dick against your lips. He had barely pushed the head in when you let out a small cry.

“Just a little longer, princess”, he told you, with his baritone voice. It was soothing, somehow, but all your mind could do was focus on where he was stretching you wide open.

He slowly bottomed out, and it did hurt a little. Indeed, you were tight against him, tighter than you usually were. Because he usually took his time to spread you open before fucking his dick into you.

But he hadn’t been able to wait tonight, had he? You could understand why: he thought he had lost you. And you knew what that could do to a man. Fear was an ugly emotion, but it wasn’t really the time to think about that though.

“Tae, it hurts”, you whined.

He stopped moving his fingers on your clit, and you whined even louder. “You want to come?”

You nodded. “Yes.” There were tears in your eyes, from all the denying of your orgasm. You blinked them away frustratedly.

“Have I made you wait long enough?” he asked, and he started pulling out, ever so slowly.

“Fuck, Tae.”

“Such a pretty princess”, he praised. “You will come for me now, mmh?”

You moaned as he started moving his fingers on your clit again, with the perfect pressure. Your eyes fell shut, and your orgasm hit you as he thrusted all the way in again.

It was one of the best orgasms of your life. Blinding, deafening, muting. It took away all of your senses, and the only thing you could feel was the place where your bodies were connected. It was his fingers on you, and his dick inside of you. It was the clenching of your walls around his length, in time with every wave of your orgasm. And he worked you through it, never slowing down. Giving you what you had been denied for too long. He milked every last drop of it, and you were pretty sure you had squirted at the same time from the squelching sounds your pussy made as he kept fucking into you, slowly.

“Fuck”, you let out as his fingers finally left your clit.

“That felt good?”

A small laugh fell from your lips. “Fuck.”

It wasn’t just good. It was pure ecstasy, a drug that had ignited every single nerve ending in your body. All your senses came rushing back to you, and your eyes fluttered open to the sight of Taehyung gazing at you lovingly.

“You’re so beautiful when you come”, he said. He was hugging your legs to his chest, still fucking into you slowly.

“Tae…”

“I want to see you come every day”, he continued, ignoring the loving plea in your voice. “I want to feel you come every day.”

“You’re crazy”, you said, letting out another small laugh.

“Crazy for you”, he agreed.

And then he was fucking you again, chasing his own high. Holding your legs to hit that sensitive spot inside of you, until he chose to lean on top of you, kissing you as he slowed the rhythm. He made love to you for a while, your lips never parting for longer than a few seconds. Just long enough to suck in a much-needed breath, before he was kissing you again.

Taehyung hit his high a while later. While you were digging your nails in the skin of his back in an attempt to pull him closer. You wanted him closer, even if he was buried deep inside of you, reaching spots inside of you you didn’t even think he had reached before.

Taehyung painted the walls of your pussy white as he came, grunting against your lips as you kissed him through his orgasm. You were pretty sure he was whispering your name as he shook with the waves of his own high, and you only held him tighter, until he stopped moving altogether.

You remained unmoving for a time, save for the kiss that you didn’t want to let end. You wanted to kiss him until you would die, and he gave in. Kissed you back, poured his love for you in the muscles of his mouth. You ran a hand along his back, through his soft hair, before settling your arms around his neck.

“I love you”, you whispered as he pulled away to rest his forehead against yours.

He pecked your lips. “I love you too.” He went soft inside of you, yet he still didn’t pull out.

You only then realized that Yeontan was barking like crazy. “We should take care of your dog.”

Taehyung hid his face in your neck. “I don’t want to move.”

You laughed, hugging him close, even though he was crushing you a little. “I don’t want to be evicted.”

He raised his head to look at you. You read the words in his eyes before he even said them.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I won’t move in with you.”

He pouted, that same begging pout that could win wars for him. “Please?”

You couldn’t say no to him, could you?

“You really are crazy, aren’t you?”

He pecked your forehead. “How many times do I need to tell you that I’m crazy for you?”

 *****

 One year later

                 You looked at the pregnancy test in your lap. Though happy tears had been blurring your vision, there was no mistaking: you were pregnant.

You could hear Taehyung gaming from the bathroom, unaware that your lives were about to change. Unaware that in just under nine months you would welcome your first child. You had been trying for a couple of weeks now – now that you had finally decided to quit your job to raise your kids at home. Not that you had quit yet, you had decided to wait until you were married and pregnant before you did.

It seemed life had chosen for it to come sooner than later.

You blinked the tears away, letting out a small happy laugh. You imagined the child: would they look like Taehyung, with one double lid and a mono lid, or would they have your features? And their hands: their fingers would be so small, almost as tiny as grains of rice.

You couldn’t wait until you could hold those little hands in your own. For the moment, all you could do was land a hand on your lower stomach, stroking it gently. The next few weeks would be uncertain. You knew there was a possibility you would lose the baby, but something about the feeling bubbling in your chest reassured you.

There was a little bit of you and Taehyung, growing inside of you right now.

A happy tear rolled on your cheek and you wiped it with the back of your hand as you heard Taehyung cheer in his gaming room. He was playing Overwatch with Jungkook, and from what you could tell, they had just won a game.

You got up from the toilet seat, where you had anxiously waited for the results of the pregnancy test. It was your third time doing one, but the first time you had ever seen it positive. You clutched it to your chest, following Taehyung’s cheery voice as you made your way to his gaming room.

“We annihilated them”, Taehyung was saying. “Bro, I swear we could start a team.”

There was silence for a while, during which you assumed Jungkook was replying on his side of the call.

“I’m sure Jin-hyung would join.” It took a moment, but Taehyung burst out laughing, and the sound of his laugh brought a whole new grin to your lips.

He came to view, sitting in front of his gaming set-up. The only light in the room was coming from the two screens of his set-up, and he turned his head towards you as you walked into the room. Light flickered on his profile, and his mouth fell open as he noticed your teary-eyed smile.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

You let out a small happy sob.

“JK, I’ll be right back.”

He took off his headset, putting it down next to his keyboard before rolling away from the desk.

“Hey, princess, why are you crying?” he enquired as you remained silent.

You finished crossing the distance between you, handing him the pregnancy test. It took him a moment to connect the dots. But you had never seen anything as beautiful as Taehyung when he realized he was going to be a dad.

“You’re shitting me?” he said, eyes filling with tears.

You started crying again, shaking your head no. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant?” His voice broke at the end, right as a blinding boxy grin split his face in half.

You nodded, and Taehyung jumped out of his chair to wrap his arm around you. He laughed and cried, and you held him close as you did the same. You didn’t think it was possible, but your love for him grew tenfold.

You were going to have a child. A little bit of the two of you.

“I can’t believe it”, he choked out through sobs. “We’re going to have a baby.”

You nodded again. “Our first one.”

“We need to get married”, he pointed out, pulling away from your embrace to look at your face.

You reached to dry the happy tears on his cheeks. “Should we get married before we tell the family?”

“I don’t know. Eunjin is going to be so happy”, Taehyung pointed out. “Your parents might be worried since we aren’t married though.”

You looked at him pointedly. “My parents adore you, they won’t give a shit.”

   “Do you want to get married right now?” he asked.

“Tonight?”

He let out a small laugh. “Tomorrow, I don’t care.”

“Didn’t we just say we could wait?”

Taehyung picked you up and spun you around once, before letting your feet meet the ground again. “I want to marry you.”

You laughed through the new wave of tears. “We can marry when the baby is born.”

His eyes widened. “We’re going to have a baby”, he repeated, tasting the words carefully on his tongue. “A little boy!”

You furrowed your brows. “Why not a little girl?”

“I want a boy first.”

“I want a girl.”

“You say that just to oppose me.”

He wasn’t wrong, and you shrugged sheepishly, letting out another laugh.

“I fucking love you, you know that?” He pressed a kiss to your lips as if to give emphasis to his words. You kissed him back, but he pulled away after a few seconds. “I need to tell JK.”

“You didn’t mute yourself.”

He hadn’t had time to. You were pretty sure you could hear Jungkook screaming on his side of the Discord call.

“Aish”, Taehyung let out, and you shared a laugh as he moved towards his set-up. He grabbed the headset, putting it over his head. “Shut up, JK, I’m back.”

Taehyung nodded, as if his friend could see him.

“Yes.” He waited for a time, then nodded again. “Let me give the headset to her, I’m pretty sure she can answer herself.”

Taehyung took it off, handing it to you. You cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but still walked towards him, grabbing the headset and putting it on.

“What’s up?” you asked.

“Can I be the godfather?” Jungkook asked – or rather screamed – through his mic.

You winced at how loud Taehyung’s friend was. “Jesus Christ, I’m pretty sure my ears are bleeding now.”

“Can I?” Jungkook asked again, with a little voice that resembled that of a child himself.

“That’s a lot of responsibility”, you pointed out.

There was shuffling on Jungkook’s side, and then his girlfriend started talking. “Y/n, I swear to God if you say no to him I am going to tattoo you in your sleep.”

“You wouldn’t dare”, you said, pouting, but you already had a smile on your lips.

Taehyung and you had decided a while ago who were going to be the godparents. Eunjin and Jungkook. It was the easiest choice you had made about deciding to have a child together.

“Give me Jungkook back”, you told your friend.

She let out an excited yelp. “Hold on.”

It took a few seconds, but then Jungkook’s voice filled your ears again. “So?”

“Yes, you’re going to be the godfather, dumbass.”

Taehyung was smiling lovingly at you. He wrapped his arms around your middle, resting his head on your shoulder. You turned to look at him, offering him a lovesick smile.

“Thank you thank you thank you”, Jungkook kept repeating in his mic. “I promise I’ll be the…“ His words were cut off. “Ouch, that hurt.”

You heard his girlfriend’s iconic laugh and your smile only grew bigger.

You loved these people far too much for your own good.

“But JK?” you said as you listened to him bickering with his girlfriend.

The bickering ended, and he let out an, “Uh?”

“Please don’t tell the others for now. Just in case something happens.”

“I promise”, Jungkook said, voice filled with emotions. “Our lips are sealed.”

You smiled and then took off the headset. You handed it to Taehyung, and he took it with his bright, teary eyes. He put it back on, before sitting in his chair. He and Jungkook chatted for a while, and you sat on Taehyung, resting your head against his chest. You listened to his heartbeat as he ran a hand on your back, the other having found a home on your lower stomach.

As if he’d feel the baby kicking already.

Taehyung’s heartbeat was steady. A rhythm you had grown to know by heart, a melody that accompanied the nights when you couldn’t sleep. Your lips stretched into a smile at the thought that many sleepless nights were to come. But you could take a thousand of them if it meant building a family with Taehyung.

After all, you had always been crazy for him too.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

So, what do we think? One hell of a journey isn’t it? I hope you enjoyed it <3

Don’t hesitate to leave feedback by following this link! It always helped to keep motivated into writing more!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023

Taglist:

@chimchimmarie​ | @pamzn​ |

#crazy for you #kth smut #kim taehyung smut #taehyung smut #kth fluff #kth angst #kth x reader #kth x you #kth fanfiction #kth fanfic #kth fic #kim taehyung angst #kim taehyung fluff #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung x you #kim taehyung fanfiction #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung fic #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fic #life goes on series

[kingminie]

until forever falls apart | 01.

pairing: kim taehyung, reader 

genre: angst, exes au. 

warnings: emotional cheating, infidelity, swearing, detailed smut, chain smoking as a coping mechanism.

word count: 11.8k

description: you’ve never been much of a believer in the phrase ‘first love never dies’ but it seems as if the universe badly wants to prove it to you — and you’re absolutely and royally damned the moment you find out that the phrase holds truth. 

or alternatively, you come as a stand-in photographer for your cousin’s prenup shoot and you find out that it’s your secret ex who’s about to get married, and kim taehyung really doesn’t make it any less easy for you. 

01 | ongoing.

Love has always been easy for you — both falling into or getting out of it, but more of the latter, really. 

However, there are things about this so-called ‘love’ that you don’t quite get — will probably never get — and it leaves you in a sticky position when friends come to ask advice that roots from such a concept.

It always ends in a snotty mess and a sigh of I don’t know why I came to you for this at the end anyway. It makes you feel like shit; a clueless, ignorant, wondering piece of shit because how is it that everyone seems to have been looking at love and defining it from a single different lens with a unified perspective, and you’re stuck at seeing it from the other endpoint.

It isn’t your fault you don’t assimilate hurt with loving, is it? It isn’t your fault that you don’t expect to clean up a colossal mess every time love comes to its end. And it most certainly isn’t your fault that when love ends, you let it go. It ended, and that’s that. For you, anyway. So, why exactly, do people fault you for having such a reaction at the conclusion of a relationship?

Why does it seem to be a taboo and something that’s unheard of when a month after a relationship ends, you find yourself not grieving over a love that’s lost? When and why does it seem to have become the standard to mope and pine and cry as if acceptance and moving on is an outlawed concept right after a relationship ends?

That’s because you’re a heartless, unfeeling bastard, that’s why, as your best friend, Jungkook, so likes to put it every single time. And maybe, it is the defeat and the eventual acceptance that people will never see things in your perspective that you just roll your eyes and move on with your day. 

Love, for you, is something that ends when it ends. A wound that closes, heals. It leaves a scar, sure. You remember the hurt, yes. But the initial peak of pain wouldn’t be there again if it healed, would it.

With all that, you’ve become unsure — of what to do, of what to say, of how to act — when people lament over a lost love. Which, at this very moment, is what exactly your sister is doing. 

All tears, snot, and hiccups under your blankets. 

Sobs wrack her body in an uncontrollable shake, a vibrating mess under the sheets as you’re left to wonder what the fuck to do with your hands. But you never get the answer because she wails, head lifting from the blankets, “How could he do that to me? Six years, six years! Six years he threw away for what, a year of meaningless sex with his assistant?” 

You don’t really think it’s meaningless when dear, dear respectable Hyunwoo decides to break off the engagement, but you keep your mouth shut and continue to awkwardly pat your sister’s back. 

Your hand stills just an inch away from her back when she looks at you, wet eyes and mouth set in a downward curve, and whispers, “What should I do now?” She sniffles and you flinch. Because her goddamn snot is staining your bed but fuck, okay, you can’t think about that now, “I love him.”

You hesitate, weighing the words you’re about to speak in your head and thinking about the consequences before settling for a question, “You–you’re not thinking about giving him another shot if he asks for it, are you?” 

At this, your sister remains silent and you sigh because yes, yes she will give him a chance in one heartbeat if the bastard do so much as give her a fucking petal and a printed ‘I’m sorry’ hallmark note.

“You don’t get it.” 

Ah, there it is. 

Of course, it’s always going to come down to you not getting it. 

Maybe your sister sees it, the anger bubbling in your gaze as you glare at her, because she scrambles to sit down with her legs underneath her, knees parallel each other as she kneels on the bed facing you.

And it would have been funny, seeing your older sister like this, but the searing exasperation breaks through and you let it, mouth opening, “No, you don’t get it. See, this is not just a matter of moving the fuck on. He fucked you over, Hana, so much that there’s no amount of apology or groveling he can do to fix that. He fucked his assistant when he’s due to walk down the aisle in a year with you and if that doesn’t spell out how much respect he has for you, for our family, and you still choose to remain blind despite that, then you came to the wrong person because I won’t coddle you.” 

“I care about you,” your voice softens and you see her shoulders slump, “This is not just about my once-it-ends-then-it-ends view on relationships. Hyunwoo did an unthinkable, unforgivable thing and there’s no going back from that. I’m not letting you walk back to the person who lacks respect for a relationship, much less for you. Do you get where I’m coming from?” 

Hana nods meekly, head hanging low before you hear her sniffle once more. It hurts to see her like this and you want nothing more but to pummel the son of a bitch who did this to her, “I’m sorry.” 

You shake your head and you let out a breath, all air knocked out from your lungs when she slumps forward, arms snaking around your shoulders as she pulls you in for a tight hug, the phrase of ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ a litany on her tongue.  You squeak as her legs slither their way around you in a tight grip and she lets out a weak laugh that sounded much more like a wheeze before you push her off, feeling a wet blot on your shoulder. 

“I want to be you for a day. Not like you,” she mutters as she gets comfortable on the pillows, your pillows, “But be you entirely. I want this pain to vanish in a week and just forget about him.” 

She pauses, “Maybe after I key his car.” 

The pain doesn’t vanish, you think and tell her. “I just learned how to deal with it, Hana. And it isn’t overnight that I do it. And you will get over it too. Heal from it. Someday, one day.” 

The silence that follows is comforting, and you think she must’ve fallen asleep, just as most do after a good cry. But she hasn’t, you realize, when she rolls over once more and speaks in a quiet voice, “The way you are right now,” she pauses, only continuing when you give her a nod, “is it because of him?”

There are only a handful of people that could fit about who she means, you know that, but you refuse to speak of any of them and opt to ask her a question instead, “Which way that I am exactly are you referring to?” 

“The closed-off you,” Hana replies, a soft tilt to her words, “I had a theory, you know, that you moved on so fast from the relationships you had after because you were never really invested in the people after him. That he broke you, enough for you to place that, whatever you have around your heart that doesn’t allow people to hurt you. You love other people, but you never really allow them to love you as much because of it which makes detachment and parting easier when it ends.” 

You don’t really mean to, but the words Hana speaks are like a vacuum, drawing you into a place you’ve managed to tuck away in the very back of your mind. Memories rush in and you drown in it — of honey blond hair, rectangle smiles, and skin that smelled of oakmoss and jasmine. 

“Am I right?” 

You let out a laugh as you nudge a pillow towards your sister, “You and your unending theories. No, Hana. It’s not because of anyone in particular. This is just how I am, how I think. It’s just unfortunate that it's only the minority that shares the same sentiments as I do.” 

Hana looks as if she’d try to refute before deciding against it, groaning when her phone rings and you raise an eyebrow because who in hell would be calling her at midnight. She shakes her head, twisting the phone around so you can see who’s calling and you see the word Studio and you shrug before she takes the call, only hearing snippets of the conversation and it seems as if it's about work. 

Hana owns a photography studio — a hobby turned business venture with her friends. Your parents were against it initially, deeming it a ‘not suitable’ business for Hana, but your older sister is a head-strong bull and proceeded with her plans without a single support from your parents and of course, because she’s Hana Park, she can make anything succeed if she puts her mind to it. 

“—yeah, you goof, I’ll be right there, don’t worry. Why are you so stressed about this anyway, is this your secret wedding or something?” You lie closer to your sister and she mouths ‘Jimin’ before returning to picking her nails, “I get it, okay. Stop freaking out, I promise to be there tomorrow. M’kay, bye.” 

She heaves a dragged-out, exaggerated sigh just as she tosses her phone on the bed where it bounced, “You know, I’d assume it’s our dear brother’s prenuptial photoshoot tomorrow with the way he’s freaking out over the details. I’d actually think that if I didn’t know of him and his single ass and his emotional attachment to his bachelor title.” 

“It’s Sunday tomorrow, and you’re booked because of that phone call,” You list, “So I can only assume Jimin knows one of them and used his connections to book your exclusive ass into working on a Sunday.” 

Hana laughs, “You’re not wrong. Soyeon made the reservation for November, which is like, a month from now. Jimin moved it for tomorrow in such a rush last week for reasons I don’t know why.” 

“Soyeon?” You gasp, eyes going wide, “You’re not talking about Yang Soyeon, are you? Oh my god, how did I not know about this?”

Your sister snorts, ungraceful and loud, “Who would have expected for the youngest cousin in the family to be the first one to be wed, huh? Date’s set for April next year and I don’t even know who she’s marrying,” But she pauses and a frown mars her features, “I would’ve been the first one to walk the aisle and yet, here I am.” 

Wait. 

“Hana,” you start, “aren’t you meeting Hyunwoo’s parents tomorrow for brunch? To formally call off the wedding? Isn’t that what you came here for tonight, because you were having second thoughts of actually calling it off tomorrow?”

You see the realization dawn upon her, her eyes widening in recognition of the planned confrontation, her mouth dropping to a comical shape of the letter ‘o’ before she sits up so fast you actually ask if her back’s okay and you hear the frantic hits of her nails against the glass of her phone, the worry leaking thickly in her voice as she speaks to multiple people, all of which ending in a frustrated sigh and groan from your older sister. 

“Fuck!” she screams as she disconnects from a call once more, “I can’t find anyone to replace me, everyone’s either booked already or have plans for tomorrow. Fuck, shit, I’m screwed. Jimin’s going to kill me. No photographer’s available tomorrow, what am I going to do now, I—you.”

You still, nailed in place by her stare, “Fuck are you looking at me for?” 

It’s in this moment you feel the doom coming down on you from all the corners of the universe when Hana smiles, actually feeling it that you shiver. She picks up the phone, calls Jimin, asks if 10 o’clock is okay for everyone to gather tomorrow, kisses your cheek good night. 

Kiss of fucking death, you feel like. 

You’re never a morning person — nor do you have plans to become one — and you aren’t used to being awakened by a goddamn wet, slimy tongue licking your face all over. 

Hana’s laugh echoes around your room, followed by hushed good job from her and a shrill bark from her dog (you really did not know how Orion arrived here when the dog wasn’t even here last night), and you are never one to have thoughts of murder so early in the morning but your family has really been testing your limits. But then you remember that you willingly handed over to Hana the passcode to your apartment, something for emergencies and shit like that, but of course, she took it as an invitation to come and go as she pleases. 

Fortunately, she cleans up after Orion’s mess, thank god. 

Rolling over, you prepare to squint as protection against the glare of the sun since Hana had already pulled back the curtains, but you sit up at the lack of the sun’s intrusion into your eyes and see that the sun hasn’t even risen yet. The city that you can see through the glass window is quiet, still in deep sleep. As you should be just before Hana woke you up. 

“Dad’s going to have a fit when I tell him what you’re blackmailing me to do,” you groan, falling back on your pillow, “I’m running his business and here you are making me take photos of people Dad hates, well, by extension.”

Hana does nothing but flash you a grin, “You’re the only one I can trust to be on par with my skills, honey. Besides, I already have Dad booked in the freaking out area ‘cause you know, I’m a bachelorette now.”

You roll your eyes and you move off your bed, making it neat and tidy to which Hana scoffs before grabbing the mug of cold coffee right from her hands and chugging it all down. Looks like you’ll need more than a cup with what you’re going to be faced with today. 

“Is Jimin coming? My car’s in the mechanic, I’m getting it tomorrow.”

Hana nods before telling you just how far Jimin is from your apartment, “About Jimin, actually.” Your sister trails off and you feel an oncoming headache because of course, there’s more. 

“I didn't exactly tell him I can’t make it today so I’m trusting you to, um, calm him down when he freaks? He’s only weak to your charms and absolutely immune to mine.” 

Turns out a little while after that, Jimin’s absolutely immune to the both of you. Especially you.

“No, what the fuck. What—no.” 

Jimin stands frozen, fingers gripping the edges of the kitchen island. His eyes are wide, mouth open in disbelief as he listens to Hana’s explanations of why she can’t go today, her eyes flashing as if to call you for help but you only shrug because there’s really nothing you can do to help her out of this. She made her own bed, might as well let her lie in it. 

It irks you quite a bit though when Jimin starts to become unreasonable despite Hana’s crystal clear explanation as to why she’s unavailable today, and on a typical day, you know Jimin would understand, and would easily let it go because obviously, Hana’s life matters take precedence over a photoshoot that can be scheduled on a different day. Jimin today, however, is extra adamant on not having you take over the shoot and it might have very, just very slightly struck the wrong nerve in you.

“You know, Jimin, if this is a matter of your trust in my abilities, I’d gladly back out of this. I’m doing this as a favor to Hana, I’m not here to help you,” you quip, tight and low as you regard the both of them, “So, if you refuse to accept my help, then call your friend to find another photographer, better yet schedule another one with Hana.”

Hana starts to protest but Jimin shakes his head, turns to you with soft eyes and a pouting set of lips, “I’m sorry, that came off wrong. Really wrong. I swear I wasn’t trying to undermine your abilities, nor am I saying that there is anything to undermine because you’re good as shit at this, maybe even better than Hana, it’s just that—”

He cuts off his ramble mid-sentence as if to catch himself — to keep from spilling whatever his reservation about you being the stand-in for Hana, which you don’t really know what. 

Three things about Jimin are these: he rambles when he’s extremely nervous, fidgets with his thumbs when he’s scared, and refuses to make any eye contact if he believes he’s done something wrong. It’s always one of the three when it comes to him and never altogether. And yet, he stands in front of you, doing all three simultaneously and your heart plummets to the marble flooring beneath you because what is he so scared of, really, to be like this in front of you. 

“Look, if you don’t want me to do this, that’s okay,” You start to speak and Jimin turns to you and opens his mouth to speak when you shake your head. You aren’t finished speaking, “That is, if you have an alternative, if Soyeon agrees to reschedule, I’m sure Hana can fit them right in some other time—” You give a pointed look at your sister who rolls her eyes but nods, “—but if they don’t, you have no choice, Jimin. Unless you want to take the photos yourself.”

Jimin lets out a breath, agrees, and proceeds to call whoever he needs to and converses in a low tone that isn’t discernible to you, but Hana can hear and your eyebrows furrow in concern when her head turns so fast towards Jimin’s direction, panic clear-cut in her eyes as she picks up on whatever it is that Jimin is saying. She curses under her breath, turns ghostly pale before she pulls Jimin into one of the guest rooms, leaving you to your thoughts and your second cup of coffee. 

“You kept this?”

It’s a good three minutes after that Jimin’s voice pulls you out of your trance — your attention previously held by the large black ant that is now on top of an apple. You turn and your breath hitches at the rough sketch of the overly-familiar Pomeranian in his right hand. You shrug, “Jungkook must have left it there when he came over.” 

At this, Jimin raises his eyebrows. Stares at the picture a little bit too long before putting it back in place, under Jungkook’s purple-pink painting of a sunset, to the right of Jimin’s present two years before. He then looks at you, really looks at you, that you become unnerved enough to look away and pretend to busy yourself with some imaginary dust on the counter. 

You know. You know how the framed sketch is too clean, too in place, and too taken care of to be something that your best friend accidentally left behind. And you know Jimin knows this too with the way his eyes turn to you and you fear. Fear that pity would be reflected in them and so you stand abruptly, deaf to the frantic calls of Hana and you head straight to the building basement and settle comfortably on the passenger seat of Jimin’s car. 

You ran because you’re a coward — afraid to face questions you know you have no answers to.

Jimin enters not a minute later, silent and mum, but the silent looks your sibling keeps giving you is not something you miss no matter how discreet he tries to be about it. You brush it off though, citing the tense atmosphere to be the reason he’s doing so. 

But little do you know that this is the first of the many mistakes you will be making — the tiniest among all others.

The theme is simple. Glamour, editorial-esque Vogue-spread motif. Fit for the rich. Something that exudes elegance and opulence. Classy, simple, and elegant. You nod as you skim through the print-out Hana rushes to get to you through one of her employees, one hand busy writing ideas and suggestions. 

It warms your heart that despite all the things Hana has to face today, she hasn’t failed to make everything easier for you, as she always does. And everything’s in accordance, just as they should be. That is, except for one, someone. Jimin really cannot stop himself from shaking and you actually fear the poor boy is turning into a leaf, dancing in the wind, with how he physically cannot stop himself from moving. 

You’ve had enough of it — his nervous fidgeting, the frantic scan of his eyes among the crowd, the unending bounce of his knees — so you move to approach him, just in time to pluck out the cigarette he’s about to light in his hand and he jumps, “Minie, you’re making me nervous here. I’ve seen you nervous but it’s never been this bad.” 

Jimin looks at you and your chest constricts at the face he’s making. A beat, two beats before he lets out a shaky breath, “I’m sorry.”

You think of the exchange back at your apartment, the one where it came off as if he had no faith in you as Hana’s substitute and you let out a small laugh. You know Jimin would never think that. Flicking his chin, you shake your head, “It was me who took your words the wrong way, Min. You don’t need to apologize.”

He looks as if he wants to say more but a car pulls up, red and ostentatious with the way the roof is folded down, and you grin as you see your cousin, a matching upward curve to her lips. 

It isn’t new, really, when you catch sight of her hair — beautiful shades of cotton candy pink and pastel blue glinting under the sun. 

Beautiful, daring Soyeon, the darling of the Yangs. 

You nearly meet your end, though, that day if it isn’t for Jimin cursing and pulling you back when Soyeon isn’t able to stop her car at the designated yellow parking line and she too squeaks a wheeze when she steps on the brakes. The car comes to a stop, and you see her breath does too, before she throws her head back and laughs. 

“You’re fucking crazy.”

She sticks out her tongue before she jumps over the door, her flimsy taupe pants billowing after her. You only manage to let out a yelp of protest before she has you and Jimin in a bone-crushing hug and you feel your chest rasp to get some air in when she squeezes once more before finally letting go. 

“This is a two-people marriage we’re having today, right? You’re not marrying yourself here?” You ask and laugh as she rolls her eyes. It’s definitely her thing and it wouldn’t be a surprise if she did. “I didn’t even know you were in a relationship and now you’re getting married?”

She shrugs, a wide smile still on her lips, “It just happened,” Her eyebrows furrow when she looks over at Jimin who’s uncharacteristically silent and nudges him, “I still won’t forgive you. I know my groom’s your best friend but it doesn’t really give you a free-pass to have him here at six in the morning to get you coffee. Who does that?”

You don’t really hear what Jimin has to say to her because you’re bidding your goodbye to them both when one of Hana’s assistants — the one she had assigned to brief you over all the details of today’s shoot — pulls you from the conversation, apology written all over her face at the thought of interrupting you but as soon as she open her mouth to speak, you dismiss it with an its okay and you signal for her to go ahead. 

“This is the final list of the concepts Hana had brainstormed which one of the client is yet to choose from,” she hands you a thin stack of paper, a portfolio sandwiched between two clear binding covers, “The bride has already chosen the concepts she wants that are to be included for today’s shoot, so, all that's left is to hand the checklist to the groom for the shoot next week.”

Nodding, you skim through the portfolio and shit, it’s definitely good. 

You’re whisked away towards the building, directed towards the seventh floor of the rented building in which you’re told Soyeon’s groom is, handpicking his outfits for the day. 

You give the door a knock, hearing a bustle of people talking on the other side of the door, and when no one answers, you push the door open. You’re immediately greeted by a flurry of people walking back and forth, all of them either with stacks of paper in their arms or Brioni and Gucci suits in tow. 

It’s a mess, a downright mess you want to run from because you haven’t ingested enough coffee to face this. 

Which is exactly why you nearly cry when someone steps in front of you, a neat smile in place and a large cup of iced coffee in one hand, a hand extending towards you, “You look like you need this.” 

He tilts his head once, gesturing inside the room, “I’m Yoongi, Min Yoongi. Jimin texted me earlier that his other sister is standing in for Hana and I assume that’s you.” 

Something feels vaguely familiar about Min Yoongi and you list it off as a passing name Jimin had mentioned in the stories he had told you. 

“There’s a meeting room on the very far left, grumpy groom’s there,” Yoongi smiles, “Nice meeting you, um—”

“(Y/N). My name’s (Y/N), nice to meet you too, Yoongi.”

You think as you walk that there’s no point in going over next week’s concept today since Hana can already make it by the next photoshoot and she would’ve understand better the dynamics of it all if they talk then, but okay, since you’re already here, might as well help all the way. 

Through the frosted glass of the meeting room, you see a silhouette, tall and broad. You have never been a people-person and meeting new ones really isn’t your strong point so you take three deep breaths, hand tightening on the cup of coffee Yoongi handed you, before pushing the glass door open. 

“Hi, I’m sorry I ran a bit late. It’s—” 

And you stop. 

You stop because you suddenly can’t feel the cold cup slipping from your grip. You stop because you feel the liquid pool at the very bottom of your shoes, sticky and wet and messy. You stop because you can’t breathe. You stop because your heart fucking stops too at the sight of Kim Taehyung. 

Beautiful, dazzling Kim Taehyung. 

First boyfriend, first love, now ex-lover, Kim Taehyung. 

Soyeon’s groom and soon-to-be husband, Kim Taehyung.

“Everything okay here?” Yoongi. You hear his footsteps behind you before you see him and you can’t be thankful enough at the interference that’s very much needed. 

But you allow yourself to be pathetic, just as you always are around Kim Taehyung. And because you can’t help it, frankly, when your eyes meet his and all sense that is good and common jumps out the window behind him. Because he looks fucking beautiful — him and his honey hair that’s now framing his face, a little bit longer, lighter. Because the room reeks of him, jasmine, vanilla, and oakmoss and it consumes you. The part of you that, despite it all, still longs for the Kim Taehyung from four years past.

On a good day and you meet him once more, you think you would have laughed. A fake smile and a head held high would’ve done it in front of him. But all it takes is one look now. One look, at the time when all your defenses are down, for the self-imposed chain that blocks it all to break and give, a domino effect in your mind as it all comes back; the whirlwind of feelings and emotions that the calamity of him brings forth. 

You nod, feeling the light touch of Yoongi’s fingers around your arm, and you anchor yourself with it. Pull yourself from drowning in him once more. “Yeah, sorry,” You breathe, “It slipped. I’m really sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll have someone take care of it, don’t worry,” Yoongi waves you off when you bend down to start cleaning up your mess, nods toward Taehyung, “Go on, he gets grumpy if he’s left to wait.” 

Oh, you know. 

So, you do. 

You drag your legs to where Taehyung stands, feeling like you’re hauling wet logs for limbs. It’s silent, save for the sound of Yoongi’s shoes against the floor as he kicks at the fallen blocks of ice, and maybe, he takes the silence for Taehyung’s bout of pettiness because he hisses a quiet behave before he walks out. The silence becomes even more suffocating when now it’s just you and Taehyung. 

“So—”

“I—”

You shut your mouth when he speaks at the same time as you. 

You decide, though, to continue because you’re here for one thing and that one thing entails that you have something to say to him. But he doesn’t, he shouldn’t. 

“So, let’s talk about concepts. I’ve been told that Soyeon has already chosen the ones for today — for both your individual and couple shots, and you get to choose the ones for the shoot with Hana next week. Here,” you slide the portfolio across the table, taking a seat across his own without waiting for him, “Hana already made an outline for everything so, this, is basically a checklist you just have to choose from and—”

“How are you?” 

“—I’m just going to wait until you’re done filling them out so I can bring them back and start with—”

“(Y/N).” You finally look at him then and you look away the second you do because you’re trying so hard to keep yourself whole and you feel like one second more in his gaze and you’ll fall apart, “I’m sorry.” 

And you try. God, you try so hard to repress the tiny, evil voice that pushes you to throw reason out the window. But it comes out anyway, and there’s no stopping what flows out of your mouth after, “Why,” you laugh, “Sorry because you wouldn't have chosen Hana's studio if you knew I was the one to take your photos? Or sorry because you had my brother acting like a train wreck just to keep this from me? Don’t worry I won’t be here next week.” 

His face pinches, tongue rolling out to wet his lips, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then don’t apologize to me—” you grit, fists clenched and heart thundering, “—as if you assumed that seeing you has put me in a position that hurt me. Because it really doesn’t. Not anymore, Taehyung. So if you have anything to apologize for—” 

You cut yourself off because no, no he has nothing to apologize for. He doesn’t have to say sorry. One person deciding to walk out of a relationship doesn’t warrant an apology from them. An explanation, sure, but you don’t really need it from him. He made it clear enough all those years ago just before he slammed the door of your apartment shut that he just didn’t love you enough — not anymore then. 

It’s been four years. It’s been four long years and you should be over him — and you are, you’re certain that you are. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt because it does, fuck, it still hurts so much and you don’t know why. 

“—apologize to Jimin because I just know he feels like shit for lying to me because of you.” 

You commit your second mistake that same day in the middle of shooting Taehyung’s individual photos. Soyeon had gone for a nature theme this time and so you find yourself in the middle of the forest with a near-naked Taehyung in tow and thank heavens it rains because one more glimpse through the viewfinder at his well-oiled torso and you might have combust and run away from the photoshoot, Hana’s reputation be damned. 

Jimin seems to be attached to you now, becoming a human magnet not long after he had apologized so much he knelt, snuggling to your side every chance he gets that it’s suffocating you because he’s overcompensating but you don’t really have the heart to call him out. Not when he looks like a puppy whose tail got accidentally stepped on when you get around to even do so much as try. 

So, you let him become your shadow for the time being, finally letting out a huge breath of relief when lunch time comes around and everybody takes a break and you slip past him to the very back of the dilapidated cabin you stumbled upon just before the last shoot ended, not too deep into the forest that faces the river. 

Finally, you think, as you savor the peace, even though momentary. You’re glad to be away from the commotion and it makes you realize once more why you choose to be cooped up in an office. It’s because you really can’t handle this many people and it physically and emotionally drains you that you can’t think.

You pause when you reach into your pockets, the gritty warning from Hana and Jimin an alarm ricocheting in your mind how it’s an unhealthy habit and it’s going to fucking ruin you someday. But the short-lived guilt is replaced by justifications of how it’ll be a free-pass and your siblings can fuck off because they’re the reason you’re here in the first place. 

Besides, burning through one stick won’t hurt them if they don't know. 

So you let your fingers feel for the familiar leather case, pull the only stick inside and you’re so, so close to reaching your sweet release from this damned mental pressure when you realize you left your lighter at home. Letting out a curse, you clamp your mouth around the unlit cigarette, letting it hang and opting to indulge in its semi-sweet smell that goes so well with the rain. 

“Want a light?”

You still, the cigarette falling from your lips at the sudden fright. Down, down, and down until it’s washed away by the rain. What a waste, you lament. Sighing, you turn and see Taehyung who’s sporting a sheepish smile, the same familiar white in between his own mouth, lit unlike yours, “I’d accept, but there’s really nothing that needs lighting anymore.”

He has a shirt on now, you notice, flimsy and buttoned up halfway. His hair is tousled messily, now free from the rigid form it previously had, and you give him your back when you feel the urge to fix the fraction of hair that has fallen forward. You hear him take a drag and you smell before you see the tendrils of gray smoke when he releases and god, the small whiff, even in the tiniest fume, has your shoulder relaxing. 

“I’d offer one but I don’t have any spare with me,” you hear him say before you feel him move, “I’ll get the fallen one for you, if you want.”

You roll your eyes and wave him off before you see him lean against the other column, the change in position means that he’s now closer, closer than he’s ever been since the day you last saw him, years ago. And he’s close enough that the thin material of his shirt brushes against your hoodie when the wind moves. And you want to move too, only if it isn’t for the fact that one move and you’ll either fall into the river or be skewered by the worn down wood and you don’t really feel like dying today. 

Ironic, how you went for a smoke break to relieve the stress of the day, only to have it doubled. 

Now, this is where you make the second mistake. 

Because you really don’t mean to stare at Taehyung. You don’t mean to let your stare at his mouth linger a second too long that he sees.  It’s just unfortunate that the cigarette is in his mouth, and you stay fixated on the damn cigarette that you fail to see him catch your gaze and hold it. 

It’s unfortunate that you don’t take a step back when he takes one step forward. 

It’s unfortunate that you become pliant when his cold fingers softly grip your chin, coaxing your mouth to open and welcome the smoke that he blows from his own mouth, hot and intoxicating and tinged with the memories of all the nights past that he’s done this. 

It’s unfortunate that you take a long drag when he places the soft end of the cigarette from his mouth to yours, unhesitating and eager. 

“Feeling better?” He asks, gentle as he pulls the stick, planting it back to the hold of his mouth. You see a slight upward curve at the corners of it. 

This is bad. Wrong and unacceptable and absolutely inappropriate, you know. But you can’t help but accept when he offers one more drag, an offer of release. This time you pluck it out from his fingers, feel the warmth of him around the smoke, and inhale. 

It’s only when the embers die out that you feel it, the heavy feeling coming back tenfold as you realize the gravity of what you just did. Not for anyone else, but for you. The toll this will have on you when you go home and have all the time in the world to think about your stupidity. So before you get sucked into the void of self-destruction, you excuse yourself, not caring about the delicate drops of rain that fall but not before you turn back and shout your thanks. 

“Okay, you shared a smoke, so what,” you mutter to yourself as you dry yourself off. You’re two people who share a history, a history that’s now dead and gone. A flame that was once bright but has now burned out, never to be rekindled again. 

You enter the building with thoughts of rationalization that tries to justify what you’ve done as something harmless, clouding your mind enough that you don’t see Jimin barrel towards you with a smile on his face, only to be replaced with disgust when he breathes and chokes at the ghost of smoke that clings to your clothes. 

He rummages through a nearby luggage and returns with a bottle of perfume, “If you want your head still attached to your shoulders by tonight, you’d know better and douse yourself in that shit because Hana’s here to take over and you only have two minutes to shove Listerine down your throat before she finds you.” 

In the haste of trying to avert your sister’s wrath, you damn near shower the entire contents of the bottle, only to realize that night when you come home that despite the endless showers you take, you still smell like him. Because of all people, Jimin just had to take from Taehyung’s things and now you’re doused with him all over again. 

It’s later that night that you’ll fall asleep to the smell of jasmine and vanilla despite years of trying so hard to rid your apartment of any scents. 

Of any trace of Kim Taehyung.

The third and fourth mistake, you make five days later. A Friday that you’re miraculously off work early. Well, technically, you can get off whenever you want but as the faithful, loving, and overworking youngest child that you are, you’ve assimilated longer hours at your father’s company to productivity and so you’ve never really found reason to clock off early when you can do so much more if you stay a bit later than most.

Besides, the company won’t run by itself, so there’s that. 

Now, though, you wonder why you thought like that because as you walk down the street, everything looks divine. The setting sun settles on the horizon, sandwiched between two skyscrapers, bleeding purple and orange and pink and it’s breathtaking. Painfully so. For the first time, you indulge yourself in the sounds of the busy city and for a change, it’s peaceful despite the loudness. You can’t remember the last time you took a stroll like this, having been so immersed in work. The last time you walked down the street the like had been years ago, with—

The breath you take is sharp and sudden that it has you bent over on the sidewalk, coughing and wheezing your lungs out that people start to look. You flash a smile, sending a quick thanks to your sister’s ex-lover for choosing to establish the studio within a five-minute walk from the company building, and nearly combusting on the spot when you pull their glass door that clearly says push right after you nearly heave your lungs out from climbing 10 sets of stairs because the elevator isn’t working, coincidentally.  

“Hey,” you greet the people on the lounge before specifically turning to Younha — the one who had walked you through everything on the previous shoot, “Is Hana here? I have the initial photos ready if she wants to see. Played around and edited most of them.”

Younha looks sheepish as she raises her hand to her nape where she nervously scratches, “About that,” she grimaces, “Hana phoned earlier that she’s running a bit late tonight so she told me to look over the photos and pick the final ones with the client, but I don’t trust myself enough to do that just yet, so would it be okay if we go through it together?” 

You assure her it’s okay. And really, it is, because you’ve finished work anyway and it’s a Saturday tomorrow. You can afford to be late an hour or so. You watch her plug the USB on one of the computers lined up against the wall, see her gasp when she pulls up the photos. 

“Oh my god, these are beautiful. You’re telling me you shot each of these by yourself, edited them all on your own, all in less than a week,” Younha turns to you, eyes wide, “Can’t you come and work with us?”

You laugh, genuine and loud, “The raw files were already beautiful untouched. Just touched up some lighting here and there.”

“Yeah, and who took those raw shots, hm? Who coordinated every single thing that resulted in those shots looking like that? You, that’s who,” Younha seems to realize who she’s talking to and she blushes before muttering something else you can’t hear, “Also, about Hana—” 

Uh-oh. This can’t be good.

“—so she told me earlier if I can pick out the final photos with the client, right? And since you’re here,” Younha trails off and you still there is no way, no way that you’re going to sit hours dissecting each photo with Soyeon, worse if it’s Taehyung. You have your pride and you’ll cling to that even if it’s the last thing you do in this world.

No way in hell. “Hana’s on her way here, right? I think she can make it.”

Younha nods, a low hum before she answers, “She can. In two hours. Maybe. Not sure. Our client, however—” She tilts her head to the right. Towards the direction of Hana’s office. “—is here.”

It’s a sigh of defeat you let out. Walking away from here means you admit you’re a coward, walking in Hana’s office will mean you’re weak. See, it’s always a lose-lose thing for you everytime a certain Kim is involved. The very, and only, Kim who seems to be haunting every part of your daily life the past five days. Or in this current case, a future Kim but a Kim nonetheless. 

Younha smiles, the sly fox, when you place your bag back down on the table, “If I’m going to stay here for the night, might as well ask for coffee. Lots and lots of it.”

You only barely get the full sentence out but Younha is already on her heels with a mock salute.

You push the door to Hana’s office, making sure (twice) not to pull this time, and your eyes land on Kim Taehyung whose eyebrows rise in surprise upon seeing you. If he thinks you’re meaning to keep on meeting him like this, well, he’s wrong. The universe likes to spring surprises down your path of life and it just so happens that for now, Kim Taehyung might be its play thing — to torment you with, most probably. 

He sits on the couch that rests against the white wall, beside the windows that occupy the whole one side of the room that overlooks the city. Hana’s office is more like her office and a miniature studio, exclusive for her and whoever she decides to let in here, separate from the lounge and the main studio. It’s an industrial loft, made modern and more suited to her taste and it’s just so goddamn bright in here, you realize.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” you mutter as the door clicks shut behind you. 

You head straight to Hana’s computer, turning it on and plugging the USB before you plop down on the office chair. “I had the photos with me and I dropped by to leave it for Hana but she apparently has things to attend to for the next two hours and you’re here already so, yeah.”

Taehyung only nods, silent and awkward when he stands. 

You sigh, “Grab a chair and come here, I guess. We have, like, a thousand photos to sift through. See if you’d like any changes done to them. The earlier we finish, the better.”

Three hours pass after that and you’re left with no Hana in sight, 325 file numbers listed down, a faint headache and tired eyes, a hungry stomach, and three accidental brushes of Taehyung’s hair on your cheek because what before is a ruler-long distance between the two of you has been reduced to mere centimeters, and Jesus Christ, you don’t know who moved between the two of you that it has come to such. You’re firm to say it isn’t you because your ass remains frozen, stiff as a board everytime Taehyung does so much as inhale. 

“Can you—” Taehyung clears his throat, pointing to the keyboard, “—move to the next one, please.”

You mutter an apology, pressing the right arrow and you see the photo move. Frankly, you aren’t paying attention. Not to anything, least of all the photos. It’ll be like knocking consciously on Hell’s door if you do pay attention. 

Because you can take being around Taehyung, you can easily detach yourself from reality when you are — and not feel anything, to look at him alone and think of him as an ex-friend, an ex-lover without the rest of the titles attached. But to look at the photos, the pictures you took, there’s no detaching from that reality. The reality that the man you had feelings for — might still have feelings for, but you push that thought back — is getting married, of all things. 

And you list this off as feeling weird, an ex marrying a cousin. You aren’t jealous, god, no. It’s just that — weird. Well, you think. 

“Okay, I can’t take this anymore,” Taehyung breathes and you still, unmoving as the statue on the corner of the room, “I’m going to order Chinese. I’m not going to last the rest of these photos if I don’t eat. Anything you want?” 

He might as well have slammed the mouse he’s holding with the way he casually lets it fall off from his hand to the table, leaning back on his chair and oh god, his head is leaning on the back of your chair. One move of your shoulder and the back of it will touch the side of his head. He has his phone over his head, elbows hanging in the air as he opens his phone with a click. He hums as he scrolls and this is so, so painfully domestic that you struggle to breathe. 

It’s been push and pull the whole night. He asks, you answer, and never the other way. 

Fifteen minutes that you’re plunged in deafening silence and you punch the air in your mind when Younha knocks, take-away bags at hand and a smile on her face. 

Taehyung hands you your food, places the utensils in neat order, pokes the straw through your bubble tea and gently places it in front of you and you stare. You stare because never in your life did you ever think you and Taehyung would ever be in this situation. Toeing around each other, walking on eggshells. 

There had been a time that silence wasn’t an option — it’s either you filled the quiet or he did; mouths off about Pokemon and stickers and dogs he met on a certain day, or silence filled with wordless communication through flesh and skin and heavy breaths. 

Never this — a fragile silence that no words could ever fill. But of course, Taehyung knows how to break that. Break you when he speaks, “I think we’ll have this one framed for the reception.”

You blink at the photo on the monitor, big and taunting. In it, Taehyung smiles, a wide rectangle stretch of his mouth as his chin rests on top of Soyeon’s head, the latter leaning her weight on Taehyung. It’s evident, palpable even, the happiness that’s shared between them. A running joke between the two of them captured on a permanent photograph only they can understand. 

“Yeah,” you nod, a smile, or an attempt at it, stretching your lips, “it’s beautiful. Definitely worthy for the reception. You can hang it in your home after.”

It’s an instinct – you’d like to believe so – when you feel Taehyung move beside you and you mindlessly mirror him, freezing the moment you take in the miniscule space that’s left as you both huddle to look at the monitor. A good couple inches you can count on one hand. And you refuse to move away because no, this is not at all affecting you. And it’s Taehyung, you justify, who’s currently invading your space. 

The third mistake is when you try to steal a glance at the corner of your eye because you think he’s engrossed with the picture. 

But then you see that he isn’t. Not when his stare locks with yours the moment your eyes move.  Had been on you all this time. 

The fourth is when he moves and you don’t. 

Not when his thumb brushes the corner of your mouth to wipe whatever it is he sees there. 

Not when he flashes you a smile – something so fond and warm and tender that renders you mute. 

Not when he succumbs to sleep an hour later, head lolling on your shoulder.

But the entire world moves when he stirs and the overhead lights hit something golden. It crumbles and caves beneath your feet when a locket falls out of the top of his loosely buttoned shirt. An identical locket to the one that now sits heavy on your chest – once heavy with the broken promises, but now empty of the love that first came with it.

You see his forehead wrinkle as he slowly wakes and you feel the start of the burn that first settles on your chest before it moves and starts from the corners of your eyes. You train your eyes on the monitor, fingers clicking away on the mouse and the keyboard faster than ever.

“I’m sorry,” you hear him say. His head stays on your shoulder as he speaks. “What time is it?” 

“Quarter before ten—”

“I missed you,” he breathes and you hear him let out a soft laugh before he whispers, “I always miss you.”

It feels as if all the air in your lungs has been knocked out and you turn to speak when you see that he’s fallen back asleep. And god, you wanted to shout at him, let out the years of pent up frustration and grudge you’ve had all these past years and ask all the unanswered whys and hows. But looking at him now, after so, so long, you realize you do too. 

A tear drops and a multitude of realizations follow. 

You missed him. You missed him. You miss him. 

And fuck, you’re still in love with him, you realize. So much and enough to make you not think of the consequences of the realization that you do.

Not when his fiancée finally comes and places a chaste kiss on his lips.

Not when a wedding invitation lands itself on the desk towards you.

And especially not when the ghost of him lingers when they’re gone and you find yourself praying for it to stay just a little bit longer.

You did not plan for your Friday night to be like this at all. 

The initial – and final – plan was this: show up to the club your sister wanted you to show up to, make it look like you’re genuinely happy to be there, flee the moment midnight hits when your sister and her friends are too drunk to realize you aren’t there anymore, and sleep away in the solace your tranquil and quiet apartment offers. 

The night and plan had been going well, much to your delight. 

Just until the fleeing part, that is. Because the moment you press the unlock button to your car half past one in the morning, you see a very drunk Kim Taehyung eagle spread on the hood of your car, with only a rumpled halfway-buttoned shirt that’s tucked into his pants, one of his shoes already on the roof of the Mercedes. 

And so instead of proceeding to the sleeping part of your plan, here you are now, struggling under the weight of Taehyung as you try to push in all his limbs in the passenger seat because he refuses to go away. Why, of all people, must you be the one to find him like this? Other people would’ve paid no mind leaving him on the pavement but of course, the universe had to make sure it just had to be you because old, cruel fate had it out for you and your demise.

Two weeks spent in isolation from the rest of the world in an attempt to justify and get over the realization you had of still being in love with an ex and the world just dumps him in the hood of your car of all cars. 

“Kim Taehyung, I am not above violence, I will fucking knock you out if I have to if you step your foot out and kick me once more, for the love of god,” you heave, “Are you with Jimin?”

At this, he grins and nods, eyes half-closed, “Jimin went home. I think. Or wait, maybe he’s passed out in Yoongi’s tub. I think. I don’t know, do you think he’s still here? Wait, do you know Jimin? How do you know Jimin?” 

You sigh, “Give me your phone. I’ll get Soyeon to pick your ass up.”

Taehyung lets out a loud gasp, proceeds to choke on air before he looks up at you, “How do you know my girlfriend?” 

You pause for a second before rolling your eyes, “Phone.”

“It’s in my left pocket, can you get it for me? I’m so tired,” he whines, wincing as his head lands on the head rest. You reach over to pull his phone out, only to retrieve a pack of cigarettes but no phone. You freeze when his hand grips your wrist that’s still in his pocket, feeling your heartbeat in your ears when he leans forward, so close that you feel his breath on your cheek, “Butt pocket, sorry.” 

You take a deep breath as he continues to look at you with a grin. You move closer, angling your head away because you would be fucking cheek-to-cheek if you don’t and you pause just before you touch his back pocket, “No, you know what, you can get it yourself. Either that or I leave you out here on the streets.” 

Taehyung pouts but he moves his arm behind him nonetheless, proceeds to feel his other pocket when he finds the first one empty.

“My phone’s gone,” he huffs, “Oh! It’s in Minnie’s car!”

You let out a loud groan, rounding the car to open the driver’s side to look for your bag so you could use your phone and you let out another sound of frustration, louder this time, when you remember the picture of a beige bag being left underneath your couch’s pillow. You look over at Taehyung, a war in your head as to what to do with him, before you finally settle on the choice that you never, ever think you would’ve made. 

“Fine,” you grit as you turn the engine on, “I’m going to drop you off your house but I’m not gonna be held accountable for the reasons you’re going to have to explain to your girlfriend if she greets your drunk ass as to why the fuck her cousin’s dropping her fiance off, alright? Now, are you still staying in the same apartment ‘cause I’m going to drop you–”

Taehyung snores, body folding in on himself as he slightly shivers. You sigh, dropping your forehead on the steering wheel, enough to hurt and make the horn whine, “This is fucking unbelievable. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“Hey, Taehyung,” you shake him, poking his shoulders the way you know he hates, “Wake up and tell me your address, asshole. I’m not driving to the other side of the city only to find out you changed address. Hey.” 

He makes the tiniest wave of his arm before he goes back to sleep. 

You glance at the clock that says it’s now nearing three in the morning and you run your hands over your face because fuck this. 

Now, you head to your apartment with the plan of just dumping Taehyung in the foyer and letting him sleep there until he has his mind back in the morning – you figure he’d probably run off the minute he wakes up. 

“Hey, wake up.” You nudge him when you arrive and you sigh once more as he merely stirs, opening his side of the door before attempting to move out of the car only to heave when the seatbelt he still has on pulls him back.

With a grimace, you round to his side and lug one of his arms around your shoulders and basically carry all of his weight towards the elevator. You give a tight smile to the staff at the reception as you pass by, dismissing the offer of help. You nearly drop to your knees as soon as the elevator doors close, exhaustion flooding you all of a sudden. 

As soon as the door opens to the penthouse, you remove your hold on Taehyung and he slumps against the wall. You let out a breath before pushing him to one of the guest rooms where he immediately plops down on the bed after knocking his shoes off.  A small smile plants itself on your face and you reach over to pull the covers over him. 

Kneeling down on the floor beside the bed, you brush off the loose hairs that cover his face and you whisper, “You’re making it so hard for me.”

Deciding that you’ve helped him enough, you head to your room to change and shower – a long bout of internal battle against yourself as you try to wash off all that happened. 

It is an hour later when you’re already in your bed, tossing and turning that you find yourself a long way from sleep, and so you push the covers off of you to head towards the kitchen to find something to drink. The sun is starting to rise, you see, as you stare at the large windows, uneasy at the thought that Taehyung is there. Here. 

And you know you shouldn’t care anymore. You’ve done enough and beyond to help him, you remind yourself. But that doesn’t matter, really, because here you are, pushing the guest room open to check on him, a bottle of water in hand. He remains as he was the second he got here and you sigh as you pull one of Jungkook’s shirt and sweatpants from the cabinet, a spare he leaves in the case he unintentionally sleeps over, and you walk towards Taehyung before slowly shaking him awake. 

“Hey,” you speak softly as his eyes crack open, mind still swimming in alcohol, “you should change into this. Your clothes must be uncomfortable to sleep in. Here’s some water too.” 

His eyes open a little bit wider, voice hoarse when he speaks, “(Y/N)?” 

You swallow, “Yeah, it’s me.” 

“I can’t remember most of tonight, how did I—”

You smile, “And you probably won’t remember all of this when you sleep once more. Just change and drink this, Taehyung.”

A part of why you’re doing all the things you’re doing is the fact that you know he will forget this. 

He sits up, swaying as he does so, twisting the water open. You greet him good night, and just as you turn to head back to sleep, his hand dart out to grip your wrist – as tight as the grip that has your heart beating so loud in your chest as he does, “I’m sorry.” 

Without turning around, you answer, “You don’t have to be. I would’ve done the same for anyone else.” 

“No, you wouldn’t have.” 

Pressing your tongue against your cheek, you rip your arm away from his hold, now turning around to face him. He slowly stands, eyes trained on you. You open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it, “I’m not saying sorry just because of tonight,” he speaks quietly, “This is an apology that’s long overdue. An apology I never had the courage to give you. An apology that I owe you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being the coward that walked away without an explanation. For not being the person I promised you I would be.”

“I told you,” you say through gritted teeth, “You don’t owe me an apology, Taehyung. It’s over and done with. Apologizing to me would mean that there’s still loose ends between us, and I’m telling you that there’s none. You may have burnt those ends the moment you walked away and I have burned mine in the years that followed. You don’t owe me anything.”

He’s closer now, so close that you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol and his perfume. “Then why are you still wearing this?” 

You feel all the walls come down, then, when his fingers trace the golden chain of the locket. The once emblem of young and promised love, of an oath, of Kim Taehyung. The necklace that never was once removed from you since then. 

You chuckle, bitter and harsh, “You’re still wearing it too, Kim.”

You flinch as you feel the pad of his thumb wipe away at the trail of tears that has somehow escaped, “Leaving you was the only choice I had then. It killed me to walk right out of that fucking door but it was the only choice. For you, for me, for us. Even if it meant me becoming the asshole, it was the only choice.” 

“Don’t feed me that bullshit, you left me. And in my vocabulary and everyone else’s, leaving the person you claim to love without a single explanation is a shit move,” you nearly damn snarled, “I could’ve accepted you telling me you didn’t love me anymore but you fucking walked out without a single word. Well, I guess it worked out great for you, huh? You’re getting married now.” 

“I did l—”

“Don’t fucking dare say it,” you sob, feeling all the energy draining out of you in a second, “You’re four years too late, Taehyung.”

The chains that hold all the hurt and grievance of the past four years had been unlocked and with the thought of Taehyung not being able to remember this tomorrow, you let it all out. 

“I lied,” you whisper, lips and chest shaking as you breathe, “It hurts me seeing you now. So fucking much. Because you never wanted to get married. I remember when we were together you said that we could live without the titles, the labels, and the technicalities of it all, because you’d love me the same. So yes, it hurts. I can’t deny that it does when the things you didn’t want with me, things I wanted to have with you, you learned to want with someone else. Shit like this hurts because even if I was okay without all the titles, I thought then that spending a lifetime with you wouldn’t be so bad. But you made it seem like you never wanted marriage, not with anyone ever and so I accepted it, content even with just being with you.”

“But then you show up like this,” you say so quietly you don’t know if he can hear it, “You can’t expect it not to hurt, Tae, because it does. So, so much.”

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung lightly rests his forehead on yours, “I’m so sorry.”

“Answer me this one question,” you look up at him, “Please.” 

You feel him nod, “Anything.”

You feel it again, the suffocating claws that grips around your chest, the pain of unanswered questions and doubts, “Was my love not enough for you?”

You feel it before you hear it, when he nods against your head, hands coming up to hold your cheeks, “No, no, god, no. It was more than enough. It was so much more than enough that you became someone who didn’t deserve someone who couldn’t reciprocate the amount of love you were giving me. I’m sorry.”

“I miss you, Tae.” You whisper, and you can barely see him through the tears, “And it’s so, so wrong and I shouldn’t be doing this but fuck, I do. Four years and I still miss you and now you’re here, back in my life, and yet you’re still the farthest you’ve ever been from me.”

Maybe it’s the realization that he is – so far away from you and will never be close enough anymore – that you think maybe this is the long-awaited end. The closure you’ve once longed for but never had. Maybe there really was no reason for him leaving you beyond the fact that he didn’t love you anymore – and maybe that was enough reason. You just didn’t want to accept that fact. Maybe it’s time that you do. 

After Taehyung, you’ve become someone who believed that love is something that’s easy to let go, when in fact, all this time, it is the love you had for Taehyung you’ve never let go of. And maybe, it was never love for the people that came after him and so it became easy for you once it’s over, once it ended. Because what has started that really counted has never reached its end, for you anyway. Because it will never be the same. 

Because they weren’t Kim Taehyung. 

“Don’t cry for me. I don’t deserve it,” he smiles a small smile as he wipes a tear away. 

“Then stop making me cry, asshole,” you softly retort, hands coming up to wrap around his own to pull them away from your face. You can’t think straight when he has his hands on you, “I’m not asking for you to love me again, not anymore. Maybe we could be friends?”

It’s a weak attempt at humor, you know. And you really don’t think you can be just friends with Taehyung. But you’re weak for Kim Taehyung and you’re still so fucking in love him that you’d settle for whatever there can be between the two of you. He doesn’t need to know the specifics.

“Can we, really?” He laughs softly, a sad smile appearing, “I’m about to do something very stupid, for the very last time, so please, stop me if you don’t want to because I don’t think I can stop myself.”

He leans forward as the inches between you decrease down to a zero, his lips pressing against your cheek, your forehead, your eyelid, and to the corner of your mouth before he pulls away. “No, you had something to drink too, I’m drunk, you’re drunk. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, ” Taehyung breathes against your cheek, eyes shut tight. 

“I’m not.” 

Whether that’s an answer that refutes your state of intoxication or a statement that debunks Taehyung’s apology, you don’t know. Because the next moment finds you pulling him forward, arms snaking around his shoulders as you kiss him. Soft and unhurried and sad – a declaration of what had remained unsaid for the past years. 

The last time, you swear, and from tomorrow then on, you’re going to be friends. This night will be void – forgotten and discarded. Taehyung is going to continue with his life and you with yours. 

It’s so easy to become so lost in Taehyung that you forget the rest of the world. 

That you don’t hear the sound of the door opening. 

Or the second set of drunk footsteps that follows the first one.

“What in the fuck is going on here?”

#bts #bts fiction #kimtaehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung fanfic #taehyung smut #kth fanfic #kim taehyung angst #angst #bts angst #taehyung angst au #taehyung fic #bts x reader #taehyung x reader #taehyung #taehyung imagines #bts taehyung #taehyung angst #bts v #kingminie #until forever falls apart

[shadowkoo]

Ten out of Ten

→ Summary: For the past three years, Kim Taehyung has made it his mission to annoy you relentlessly on campus, finding every possible way to drive you up the wall during your shared classes. However, as you both enter your senior year, something strange happens. Taehyung begins to sense a shift in his energy, realizing he might just have some secret feelings for you. What unfolds when you make this earth-shattering discovery too?

↠ kth x f.reader | 8.6k words | 18+ ↠ genre: smut, humor, college au, enemies to lovers, fratboy!bangtan

→ Warnings: explicit & unprotected sex, consensual drunk sex, shower sex, ‘revenge’ sex (all fun and games), alcohol consumption, party crashed by police, dirty talk, soft kissing, rough kissing, hard dom!taehyung, soft dom!taehyung, grinding, fingering, sloppy oral sex, cock swallowing, choking on tae’s cock, throat fucking, slight praising, begging, sense of ownership, size kink, taehyung has a huge dong, belly bulge, reader gets dicked down almost too good (if that’s a thing), breast & nipple play, riding, reversal, biting, teasing, cockwarming, creampie, cum play, cum eating, cum stuffing, spanking, choking ft. tae’s beautiful hands, pussy slapping, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, multiple sex scenes

→ Author note: Inspired by this popular post!! If you’d like to read this on ao3 instead it’s been crossposted here! As always, all likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated <3

“This is wrong. This is so wrong.” He moans after pushing you up against his closed bedroom door, “Are you sure? Are you drunk?” You roll your eyes.

“Stop trying to talk me out of this,” you whisper while leaving wet kisses along his jawline. You’ve waited too long. There’s no way in hell you’re stopping now. Lifting your head up and looking into his eyes, you continue, “I didn’t drink that much. I want this. I want you.”

He groans and presses his lips into yours yet again. “I swear this wasn’t my intention,” he says after pulling back.

You kiss him hard, but your quick attempt to shut him up doesn’t work.

“I promise it wasn’t,” he blurts, “I was just being honest, you know the rules of the game.” He pulls you close again as his lips flutter around your neck, causing an airy sigh to escape from your parted ones.

“No more talking. Please.” You pull his face back up and let his lips harshly reattach to yours. He proceeds to kiss you, slowing down when you try to speed things up.

“I just need you to know that I didn’t plan for this to happen,” he repeats.

“Taehyung!” You whine as your eyes tell him to stop worrying about it, “Shut up and kiss me.”

“I need to hear you say it. I need to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

You pull back slightly from his embrace to tug your shirt off, “Tae please,“ you beg between kisses, the slick from your heat seeping through your thin underwear, "Just fuck me already.”

Earlier that day…

“Taehyung! You asshole!” you holler while chasing after the guy who’s currently running along the sidewalk with your history paper in hand.

You finally catch up to him by the fountain that sits at the campus’s center, watching him nervously as he jokes around, holding the most important five thousand words you’ve ever written.

“I will kill you if you get a single drop of water on that! It’s due in ten minutes!” you threaten as he tosses the stapled paper between his hands. “Taehyung, please. I was up all night writing this. It’s worth forty percent of my grade,” you beg, really hoping he’ll take a step down before anything bad happens.

“Quit freaking out, I’m not going-” his words are short-lived as a gust of wind steals the paper from his loose grip. You both watch, completely horrified, as it flutters through the air in slow motion and falls directly down into the clear water.

“Oh no. No no no. Oh my god. I swear to god that wasn’t supposed to happen! I was just teasing!” Taehyung panics as he jumps through the fountain, slipping and thoroughly soaking himself further as rushes over to your sunken assignment. He wipes away the water on his face and retrieves the soggy paper lying on the vibrant tile below. Drops of ink run off the paper, smearing the barely legible words even more.

You feel as though you've momentarily forgotten how to breathe.

“Okay. It’s okay,” you say to yourself, trying to calm down, “Everything’s fine. It’s fine. I can just head back to the library and reprint it, I’d rather be a few minutes late for class than get a zero on this.”

“Uh, hmmm, yeah…” Taehyung clears his throat nervously, scratching the back of his neck while doing so. “About that…”

“Don’t say it,” you threaten anxiously. You internally beg that what you assume he’s going to say next is not true. It can’t be. You will it not to be.

“The library closed twenty minutes ago. It always closes early on Thursdays and Fridays,” He says sheepishly with a face full of remorse, though you doubt he actually feels it.

“Great,” you huff, “That’s just fucking great.” The calmness dissipates as rage takes over your body. “I honestly cannot believe you sometimes. Will you ever grow the fuck up? We’re not freshmen anymore! You can’t just dick around like this. Wrecking each others’ projects was funny three years ago when our grades didn’t matter but we can’t keep doing this. Just-” you take a deep breath to regain some of your calmness, “Get. The fuck. Away from me.” You rip your destroyed paper out of his hands and storm off in the direction of the building where your class is held.

Maybe that was a little rude. Actually, no, it wasn’t. He deserved it. He ruined your history paper. Intentionally, too.

“I’m coming with you, I’ll explain what happened,” Taehyung persists, somehow keeping up with your angry stomps as you head to class.

“Quit following me, I’m screwed enough as it is,” you grumble, knowing that he’s trudging along behind you even without turning around to confirm it.

His footsteps slow once you reach the outside of the history department.

Maybe he finally got the message.

“Ahhh, Miss Y/N. You’re late,” your professor says as you enter the quiet classroom and try to make your way to your empty assigned seat. He stops you before you can sit, “Do you have your paper ready to turn in?”

You shamefully drop what’s left of your paper into your professors’ hands.

“Is this your submission?” he asks, holding it up with his fingers, watching as the remaining water droplets fall to the floor. Your classmates snicker as they watch the scene in front of them unfold.

Yet, just as you're about to respond, the classroom door violently swings open, instantly capturing everyone's attention in unison.

“It’s my fault,” Taehyung pants after barging in.

“Excuse me, sir, who are you? And why are you dripping in my lecture?”

“What the hell are you doing here?” you quietly seethe.

“I considered heading to my class but I just felt too bad,” he says to you before turning to your professor. “It’s my fault her paper is soaked, I mean look at me. I am too. After an unfortunate turn of events - events that neither of us anticipated - it fell in the fountain and so did I. But you can see that…because I’m wet. Wet like water wet, not like the other kind of wet. That would be weird, considering… But probably more awkward than anything though. If I’m being honest. You know, my mother taught me that honesty is the best policy. So that’s what I’m doing here. Being honest…about me…and her paper, being, uh, you know, wet…”

It's unclear who is more astonished, you or your professor. Is this really happening right now? You’ve never heard Taehyung ramble like this. If you weren’t so stunned or feeling secondhand embarrassment for him, you would’ve probably laughed hysterically.

The older man gives Taehyung a once over, his eyes peering over his reading glasses as they travel up and down the damp clothes stuck to the twenty-something’s figure. Displeased, he turns to look at the disintegrating mess of your so-called paper that’s stuck between his fingers.

“Haha, yeah…so uh, I’m gonna go now,” Taehyung says as he finger guns to the door before anyone else can get a word in, “I hope this is resolved. And um, I’m going to make sure I never sign up for one of your classes, Mr. uh, I don’t know your name. But that doesn’t matter. Trust me when I say you won’t ever have to see me again.” And with that, he exits the class with the same amount of speed as he entered.

Your professor shakes his head in disbelief. “Email me your paper once you get seated and I’ll only dock you ten percent off from your original grade, as long as you promise that won’t ever happen again.”

“Deal.”

“He did what?” your roommate’s voice echoes from inside her bedroom as she makes her way into the kitchen where you’re reheating leftovers for dinner.

“I know! I could’ve killed him. I don’t know what it is lately, but he’s been irritating me more than usual. The way he just went on and on, rambling like a complete idiot. Ugh!” you mutter while waiting for the microwave to beep. The whole situation still has you mildly irate.

Sana gives you a pointed look.

“What?” you squint your eyes at her, “What does that face mean?”

“When are you two going to realize that you’re like, in love with each other? It’s always Taehyung did this or you did that. FYI, we’re all tired of hearing about it. Girl, I adore you and your little rants most of the time, but it’s exhausting listening to you two complain about each other literally all the time. We’re in the same friend group and it’s just so obvious to us all that you guys like each other, but are just stubbornly ignoring the facts that are so obviously right in front of you.”

“I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just say that. Dinner is done,” you say, brushing aside what you just heard. It’s too crazy to even think about.

You liking Taehyung? Taehyung liking you? Absolutely not. No way! That’s ridiculous, that’s just…almost crazy enough to be true.

The thought surprises you.

Sure, Taehyung is nice to look at. You’ve never questioned his attractiveness. But you drew the line a long time ago, knowing better than to allow yourself to grow any form of attachment to the guy who prefers to drive you batshit crazy.

It’s just easier that way. Yeah, sure, playing around and pissing each other off gives you some kind of satisfaction, but you don’t need him in your life. He isn’t that significant.

Or is he?

The more you think about it, the harder a time you have imagining your life without the messy-haired asshole who you’ve somehow grown to…love?

“Whatever, give me a bowl,” Sana says, pulling you from your thoughts before you’re able to dwell on the ‘L’ word very much. “I’m starving. And we need to eat quickly so we have enough time to get ready.”

“Oh, fuck me sideways,” you moan, annoyed with yourself for forgetting, “It’s Thursday.”

Sana’s boyfriend’s fraternity hosts a party every other Thursday night. There’s no way you’re getting out of it either, seeing as you promised her two weekends ago you’d go to the next since you bailed.

“Uh-uh! Don’t even start,” Sana warns. “You’re coming tonight whether you want to or not!”

A frat party is the worst kind of party in your opinion. Memories of the last one you attended float around your mind; wannabee rappers holding their phones by your ear so you can hear their ‘latest diss track’, girls arguing over a guy who doesn’t deserve either in your opinion, drunk couples practically fucking on the couch.

Oh, don’t forget about the pick me girl begging for attention or that guy who gets so fucking obnoxious and is willing to start a fistfight with anyone within an arm's distance. And lastly, the typical fuckboy that will say anything to get you into his bed. Yeah, frat parties are so not your thing.

But you promised Sana, and she’d hold it against you until the end of time if you didn’t go tonight.

You made a plan anyway. Show up, say hi to a few friends, have a few drinks, and disappear before anyone can notice you’ve made a run for it. Fingers crossed that you can pull it off.

The party is in full swing when you arrive, or so you are assuming since you had to step over someone passed out on the lawn on your way toward the front steps. The door is wide open, and Sana immediately spots her boyfriend Joon from across the room. His face lights up when he notices her waving dramatically and makes his way over to you two.

“She actually came? In the flesh? Y/N, is that really you?” Namjoon teases, obviously not expecting you to make an appearance.

“Hi, Joon. Good to see you too.”

“I was surprised, she didn’t even put up a fight about it tonight.” Sana giggles as soon as Joon pulls her into his arms for a sloppy kiss. You look away and scan the room, searching through the crowd of familiar yet vague faces.

“Sana! Get a room, girl!” one of them hollers, cheering her on as she shoves her tongue down her boyfriend’s throat.

She pulls back and flips off Yoongi, the culprit and one of Joon’s frat brothers, and walks further into the house, scanning the audience for tonight.

“Hey, think you could bring some of your single friends over? Preferably a random group of them with one specific person we all have in our mind. She needs to go home with a guy tonight,” she says to Yoongi as he walks over with drinks in hand for you and Sana.

Everyone seems to understand what she’s saying, other than you, who of course is oblivious yet again as to who they’re referencing.

“I heard you had a rough day,” Yoongi says, handing you one of the plastic cups with a sideways grin as you give Sana an agitated look after smacking her on the arm. But she doesn’t seem to acknowledge either and instead, smirks at Yoongi’s remark. “I have a certain person in mind. Let me see if I can find where he ran off too.”

Joon laughs knowing all too well what happened, "We’ll do our best, see you in a few.”

"Oh my god, Sana! I can’t believe you sometimes,” you whine after the guys are out of earshot.

"What? It’s not like I’m wrong! You need a good time tonight just to relax. You don’t have any Friday classes anyway so have some fun.” She shrugs her shoulders and walks away to say hi to some of her other girlfriends.

While she’s gone and the guys are hunting, you spot Taehyung leaning up against a bookshelf filled with novels you bet haven’t been touched in decades. You try your hardest to weave your way through the crowded area before he can notice you, but unfortunately, your eyes lock with his just as you’re squeezing through a group of girls you’ve never seen before. Freshmen, probably.

“What are you doing here?” you question, not even attempting to hide the annoyed tone in your voice when you feel his presence behind you.

“What do you mean, ’What am I doing here?’ I live here. What are you doing here? I thought you hated these sorts of things.”

"You live here?” you ask, ignoring his question as your head whips around. “I didn’t know you were in the same fraternity as Namjoon.”

“I didn’t know you didn’t know. Sorry?” He laughs as you take the last sip of your mystery drink. “Need another? I’m heading to the kitchen.”

“Uh, whatever you’re having,” you say. Alcohol is alcohol.

“Sure thing. Oh hey, Sana! Where’s Joon?” Taehyung asks, acknowledging that your sidekick returned, but without her significant other.

“Hey Tae, he’s in the Blue Room. Which is where I must drag you to,” she smiles devilishly, grabbing your arm to pull you away. Though unbeknownst to her, you would gladly go anywhere that’s away from Taehyung right now.

“Ahhh, is it already time?” he wonders out loud. “I’ll meet you there,” he says and leaves for the kitchen to grab drinks.

As you’re being pulled away, the only thought parading through your mind is how much you want to rip his head off for the stunt he pulled earlier, but also the multiple ways you can get your revenge on him for costing you ten percent on a paper that would have otherwise been an A+.

Sana pulls you into the second living room, the Blue Room as it’s ‘famously’ known for its somewhat derogatory, yet exclusive, activities. If you could call them that.

Only those invited are allowed to enter. You’re not sure why, but the guys take their rule pretty seriously.

You recognize nearly all of the people already in here, the majority being Namjoon’s frat brothers;

Seokjin; the one that’s always surrounded by both girls and guys. His presence easily fills the room and even without saying a single word he demands their attention.

Yoongi; the one that loves to start shit and can smell drama and sexual tension from a mile away. He knows how to push the right buttons to hear precisely what he wants.

Hoseok; the one who is always smirking about something that no one else seems to know. Not really a gossiper, but definitely knows everything about everyone.

Namjoon; the guy who everyone respects but still teases for being totally whipped for Sana. He’s a softie but can still kick anyone’s ass in mere seconds.

Jimin; the sweet one with a dark side you never want to get on. You’ve heard stories that will haunt you for a while.

And finally, Jungkook; the one who never knows what’s going on but is having a great time regardless. A happy dork who can make you laugh no matter what.

Somehow Taehyung fits into this group too, but you don’t know exactly where he stands yet.

The rest of the room consists of girls you’ve seen around campus and guys attempting to gain Seokjin’s total attention but would probably never get it. Although there are a handful of faces you haven’t seen before, which is refreshing.

It looks like everyone is getting ready to play Ten out of Ten, which is basically a drinking game to initiate party hookups, a ‘how much do you like me’ sort of thing.

To play, everyone in the room writes their name on a little piece of paper and it gets thrown into a bowl. The bowl then gets passed around and each person draws a name out of the bowl, but can’t look at the name until it’s their turn. One person starts and says the name on the paper they pulled and then rates the person a number out of ten if they would sleep with them or not. So then the person whose name was called would go next, and say who they have and rate them. Like a chain game, and you just have to say a number out of ten if you would bang them or not. It’s not really supposed to be a drinking game but somehow it’s become a tradition to take a shot after you say your rating, and especially if someone says ten out of ten - then everyone takes a shot.

Sana grabs two slips of paper and hands one to you. You write your name and hand the pen to her. ‘So much for a couple of drinks and dipping,’ you say internally, realizing that the game will last a while with this many participants. Hopefully, Taehyung remembers your drink. You’re going to need it.

You sigh and sit on the arm of the chair Sana is in as you wait for the game to start.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Taehyung walking towards you with, thank god, a rather large cup in his hand.

“I hope this satisfies your alcoholic needs,” he jokes, “I made it the same way as mine, but with a little less alcohol since I didn’t want to fuck you up a lot."

You take it from him and raise the cup to your mouth. The scent is strong, and your eyes twitch after taking a small sip. He laughs at your quiet sputtering.

“I’ll be good after it hits me. Thanks.”

"Yeah, sure. No problem. And sorry about earlier, again. I know you’ll get me back soon enough and it will be well deserved,” He grins before walking over to sit next to Jungkook.

“Alright, alright.” Jimin starts as he walks around the room with the bowl in his hands, letting everyone grab a piece of paper while he goes over the rules for the newbies invited. The bowl makes its way around the room, and everyone tosses in theirs before Jimin shakes it up and starts letting people pull out a folded piece of paper.

Once everyone has one, he sets the bowl aside, “Everyone ready?”

“Wait, I didn’t get one,” Taehyung says looking around, somewhat confused and a little suspicious. Something’s going on. He just doesn’t know what exactly.

“Oh I didn’t know you were back already, this is the last one,” Jimin says, handing him a name slip, failing to hide the evil grin on his face. “Okay, let’s get this started!”

About ten minutes into the game, you are already feeling the buzz. Whatever Taehyung gave you is pretty damn good now that you’re drunk enough to not taste the alcohol. Meaning, you’re drinking more than you’re paying attention to the game.

Needless to say, you’re a little spaced out until you hear someone say your name. You look up and make eye contact with Taehyung from across the room.

He chuckles awkwardly and sits up. “Of course,” he mutters under his breath, not-so-silently cursing Jimin at the same time.

Taehyung has my name?

“Oh, please go on. We can’t wait to hear what you have to share,” Joon grins as Taehyung responds with a death glare.

The room goes silent in anticipation of what he’s going to say, especially your shared friends. They’re watching very intently as Taehyung takes a swig of his drink and curses again.

“Ten out of ten would bang,” he announces, pausing for a quick moment to take a shot along with everyone else, but you. You’re too awe and unable to do anything but gawk at him as he continues.

“But also ten out of ten would care for you afterward, ten out of ten would let you stay over, ten out of ten would tuck you in, ten out of ten would cuddle the shit outta you in bed, ten out of ten would make sure you fall asleep okay, and ten out of ten would make you breakfast in the morning.”

You’re sure you look crazy with your eyes popping out and your jaw nearly on the floor. Everyone else’s reaction pretty much mirrors yours. Everyone except Sana who is squealing like crazy next to you. A few of the girls glare at you as the guys whoop and holler.

You’re unsure how you feel about what just happened. If it even happened. Or if you somehow hallucinated the whole thing.

Did Taehyung just confess? Does that even count as a confession? Or was he just playing along with the game? Did the room get smaller? Why the hell is it so hot in here?

You take a deep breath, remembering that everyone’s eyes are still on you since it’s your turn, and yet you’re frozen in your spot.

Do they expect you to say something before you take your turn? Do you even want to say anything? Maybe he was joking, maybe you could laugh it off. Or maybe he meant it… What if he meant it?

You fiddle with the piece of paper between your fingers before deciding to unfold it and get on with it so you can get the hell out of this small room.

“Um. Woojin, six out of ten,” you spit out as quickly as you can and immediately get up to leave. You don’t even know where you are going, just following where your feet are taking you.

You have two options; you can either leave and face the wrath of Sana when she comes home - if she comes home - or you can hide somewhere until you can come up with a better plan while you attempt to sober up. The latter is what your subconscious goes with as your body stumbles upstairs to find an unoccupied bedroom to hide out in.

The first one was not locked but definitely should have been. Thankfully you didn’t see too much of the two who you found in a compromising position, and thankfully they probably won’t remember the incident in the morning either.

Fortunately, the next room you barge into is free. After shutting the door, you lean up against it and close your eyes while you focus on your breathing. Your heart is still racing as you try to not think about what happened downstairs.

Feeling calmed down enough, you open your eyes and look around. The first thing that catches your eye is the band posters that cover the wall. Everything from Sinatra and Dean Martin, to The Doors and The Rolling Stones, to Bad Omens and Bring Me The Horizon.

Whoever this room belongs to has good taste. For being a boy's room, it’s pretty clean too. Yeah, there are clothes spewn here and there, but it isn’t any worse than the state that you left your own room in.

Sighing, you sit on the edge of the bed and cover your face with your hands.

What now?

"Yeah, sorry to ruin your moment or whatever, but my room is off-limits. If you’re gonna puke or pass out I’d rather you find somewhere else to do it.”

You lift your head to see the one and only person you did not expect to see in your current confused state standing in the doorway. “Taehyung.”

“Oh,” he says, “It’s you. How did you know this was my room?”

“I didn’t. I was hiding.” Shit, you weren’t supposed to say that.

“Oh…” he says again, shutting his door so the noise of the party lessens. He walks over to sit next to you on the bed, "I was looking for you. After you, uh, ran out.” He hesitates to see if you say anything. You don’t.

“Look,” he begins, “I don’t want to make things awkward. I know we’re friends. Sort of. When we’re not trying to murder each other and all that. But I’ve been into you for a while now and I just can’t hide it any longer. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to take you out sometime."

Once again, you’re gawking.

"Oh god, are you gonna puke or something?” His eyes are panicky as he looks around the room for something you can use in case you do.

“No! No, I just, ahh…” It’s now or never, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I am.”

"And did you mean what you said earlier?” You say, referring to his confession in The Blue Room. You try to hide how hard your heart is pounding inside your chest. Just as you would have to hide how hurt you’re going to be when he says the inevitable.

“Well…” He trails off, and you prepare for the worst.

He wasn’t serious, it was some kind of joke, you misheard him, there was another person with your name in the room-

“Hello? Are you sure you’re not going to puke? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine, was it a lie, just for the game?” you say leaning towards his body, his inevitably doing the same. “Or were you being honest?”

“I was being one hundred percent honest. And I still am. I like you, a lot. As hard as that is for me to admit.” His hand grazes yours and rests on top of it. He was half expecting you to pull away and run out of the room but is more than happy to realize that isn’t the case. Maybe you feel something too. His eyes burn into yours as he awaits your response.

It’s hard for you to admit your feelings as well. If you weren’t both so perfectly stubborn and bull-headed, you might have made this conclusion a long time ago.

You hate to admit that. You hate being wrong.

But Taehyung doesn’t feel wrong to you. His hand on yours feels so…right.

"Good,” you sigh in relief, finally giving in to your heart. You lean in closer and lightly brush your lips against his, pulling back to gauge his reaction.

Taehyung’s breath hitches. The moment you pull away he hastily stands up and moves to his door, his back pressed flat against the wooden surface while the angel and devil on his shoulders argue.

Fuck, he wants you. But he knows you’ve been drinking. And he would never put you in this position and knows how much he would hate himself if you woke up the next day regretting your drunk self’s impulsive decision.

“Don’t do that to me, fuck. I won’t be able to resist. I want to take you out first. You deserve to be taken out on a date first,” he says, running his hands through his hair. You get up and walk towards him. “Several dates. Shit.”

“You still can. But, you know, after you fuck me*.*” Feeling confident, you take another step closer to him. And then another. Until you are pressed up against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as your lips hover over his neck. Finally, his hand grabs the side of your face, pulling you in before he unleashes his lips onto yours. Teeth, tongue, and all.

“This is wrong. This is so wrong.” He moans after pushing you up against his closed bedroom door, “Are you sure? Are you drunk?” You roll your eyes.

“Stop trying to talk me out of this,” you whisper while leaving wet kisses along his jawline. You’ve waited too long. There’s no way in hell you’re stopping now. Lifting your head and looking into his eyes, you continue, “I didn’t drink that much. I want this. I want you.”

He groans and presses his lips into yours yet again. “I swear this wasn’t my intention,” he says after pulling back.

You kiss him hard, but your quick attempt to shut him up doesn’t work.

“I promise it wasn’t,” he blurts, “I was just being honest, you know the rules of the game.” He pulls you close again as his lips flutter around your neck, causing an airy sigh to escape from your parted ones.

“No more talking. Please.” You pull his face back up and let his lips harshly reattach to yours. He proceeds to kiss you, slowing down when you try to speed things up.

“I just need you to know that I didn’t plan for this to happen,” he repeats.

“Taehyung!” You whine as your eyes tell him to stop worrying about it, “Shut up and kiss me.”

“I need to hear you say it. I need to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

You pull back slightly from his embrace to tug your shirt off, “Tae please,“ you beg between kisses, the slick from your heat seeping through your thin underwear, "Just fuck me already.”

And just like that, the switch in his mind flips.

Taehyung wastes no time lifting you, bringing your clothed center up against his. You moan into his mouth feeling his hardness pressing into you through his jeans.

Your senses tingle, from the way his hands are holding your jaw, how his scent encompasses you, the roughness of hips grinding against yours, and finally - from the way his kisses deepen with urgency as he carries you back over to his unmade bed.

Once there, he leans you down gently before hovering over your body, letting his hands run along your hips as they make their way to the front of your pants. His fingers tease the skin alongside the waistline of your checkered jeans as he frantically works to undo them, pulling them and your panties off simultaneously.

Your eyes meet as his hand slides slowly up the inside of your legs, right up to your center. One of your hands covers your mouth as his fingers weave their way through your dewy folds, and dive deep into your core.

He grins wolfishly as they curl with each small thrust into you, and soft mewls pour out from your parted mouth. “That’s it, let me hear you,” he praises as his fingers continue their divine torture.

“Oh my god, Tae,” you cry out, reaching for him as his fingers quicken. “Closer. I need you closer to me,” you pant, grabbing his shirt in the process and ripping it open, giggling unapologetically as you hear the small buttons hit the floor.

His lips close around your earlobe, sucking slightly as his fingers continue gliding in and out of you, “You owe me a new shirt.”

“Consider it payback for the fountain.”

“Payback, shmayback,” he grins while pressing his thumb up against your clit, pulling a gasp from you.

“Oh shut up already and put your mouth somewhere it matters,” you say slyly while non-so-subtly pushing his head down your torso until he understands your intention.

“Yes, ma’am,” he breathes before tasting you. His tongue sliding between your folds is nearly enough to send you spiraling. And as if it isn’t enough already, Taehyung reinserts two fingers into your heat as he laps at your delicate clit, bringing you closer and closer with each lick.

The taste of your sweet center has his rock-hard member twitching in anticipation, but he refuses to rush this. He wants nothing more than for you to come all over his face.

He deserves it.

You deserve it.

Soon enough you’re shaking from your very core as the waves rip through your body. Taehyung presses your hips down as he takes all your body has to offer him.

“Holy shit,” you pant, that was undeniably one of the best orgasms you’ve ever had.

He releases your center with a loud smacking sound and leaves delicate kisses on the inside of each of your thighs, admiring the goosebumps he causes on your velvety soft skin, before moving upward to reattach his lips to yours in a sweet, yet needy, embrace.

Taehyung wraps his arms around you to unclasp your bra while you catch your breath, giving special attention to the soft mounds now held in his hands. Your fingers twist through his hair as his tongue decides to flick one of your nipples before covering it entirely with his mouth. He swirls his tongue around them slowly and gently biting down just enough to hold the hardened nub between his teeth.

“Mmm, I want you,” he whispers, working to undo his own pants this time.

You breathe heavily, “I want-,” the rest of the words caught in your throat as you take in his length. You never expected him to be lacking in that area, but he definitely is larger than what you had anticipated.

“Like what you see?” he smirks, rather enjoying how you gape at him.

“Yes.”

Taehyung swallows hard; your honesty turns him on even more, if that’s possible.

“First things first,” he says, pulling away to grab a condom from his nightstand. You stop him.

“No, I want to feel you. All of you.”

He looks at you quizzically.

“I have an IUD, there’s nothing to worry about. Unless this is your way of telling me you’ve got…something?”

His eyes burn into yours, and he growls “No condom then,” quickly shutting down your question.

Grabbing your hips and holding them in place, Taehyung runs the head of his cock through your damp folds, then slaps your center with his throbbing tip, teasing you once more before he sinks deep into you without another thought.

Watching the way your lower stomach fills out as he pushes all the way into you only adds fuel to his fire. Right now, in this single instant, he owns you. And he’s going to make sure you know it.

Your fingernails dig into his biceps while he stretches you out in the most perfect way, gasping when he quickly removes himself and slams back into you.

“Oh fuck,” he moans, “You feel so good baby, so much better than I could have ever dreamed.”

You wrap your legs around his hips, pulling him in deeper if it’s even possible. Taehyung shifts his weights and thrusts into you at a new angle, one that practically makes you see stars.

“Right there, yes. Yes!”

Biting into his shoulder when it becomes almost too much, you use your legs and push on his chest to flip him over so you’re on top, riding him at your own naughty pace.

Taehyung’s hands rest on your hips as you glide on top of him. His thrown-back head and mouthful of colorful words should be enough to prove how much he’s loving this, how much he’s loving you.

But as much as he adores watching your beautiful face twisting and turning with pleasure from below, and your perfect tits bouncing with each swift movement of your hips, he needs to be in charge right now before he loses his mind this early into the long night that awaits you both.

Whipping you around, he hovers over top of your backside and pulls your ass up against him. “Tell me you’ve never had better,” he demands while wrapping an arm around your waist as he pounds into you again from the new position. “Tell me how much you’ve needed me and my cock,” he growls into your ear with one hand moving up towards your neck.

Words are impossible at this point, your head is spinning with too many thoughts of how wonderful you feel and how hot he is in bed.

“Tell me!” he says again, gripping your neck tighter, his long fingers wrapping around your jawline.

“N-no one’s cock is better than yours,” you gasp, his pace picking with your obedience to answer just how he wanted. “No one’s,” you repeat, your eyes rolling back into your head as your insides start to coil.

He releases his hand from your neck and you forget about its whereabouts until there’s a sharp sting on your ass, that’s when you realize the sound that echoes through the room is from his hand cracking against your cheeks. “Mmm, again,” you beg, loving the after effects his spanks have on your body.

Taehyung doesn’t have to be told twice and marks you again, softly massaging the area where his red handprint remains afterward.

Your heated breaths blend as your bodies dance together on the edge, waiting to fall into perfect bliss. He flips you over one last time, wanting to face you as you come undone around him.

Taehyung leans over and nuzzles into your neck, letting his senses take over his body as he pulls you closer and closer toward white, hot pleasure.

“Oh my god!” you scream as the coil deep inside you finally snaps, sending electric sparks through your body.

Taehyung could have died and gone to heaven feeling your insides spasm and clench around him. He grits his teeth as he pumps his seed deep inside you.

His body weight falls on top of yours, energy totally spent.

You find yourself drifting off to the sound of his breathing that matches yours, and fall into a light slumber with your bodies still entwined.

The sound of sirens abruptly awakens you. Rubbing your heavy eyelids, the room flashes between red and blue as the police car lights shine through Taehyung’s second-story windows. You try to sit up but are pulled down by a heavy arm.

“Mmmm,” Taehyung mutters beside you, “Party’s crashed, it’ll quiet down again in a sec once everyone’s out.” His raspy voice tickles your neck and his hand slides down your side, resting on your hip.

A loud crashing sound followed by mumbling voices and footsteps moving outside his door wakes Taehyung up more.

“Everyone out besides residents. Time to go home!” an officer yells in the distance, and more footsteps echo as the house empties.

He sits up and listens, falling back down into bed next to you when he hears the familiar sound of the squad car door closing and driving off to find the next college party to bust.

Thinking it’s probably time to leave yourself, you reach for your shirt that’s hanging from the desk chair near his bed.

“What are you doing?”

“Isn’t it time for me to go?”

“No.” He leans on a bent arm, the other reaching for you to pull you back into his warm embrace. “Do you want to go?”

“No,” you breathe.

“Then stay,” he whispers before kissing you again.

The rest of your late night together is soft and sensual, filled with loving gazes, slow movements, and shallow panting as you lay together as one.

You find yourself getting lost in his touch, every nerve in your body blazes with pure passion this time.

Taehyung whispers your name and wraps your hands in his, pulling them up above your head.

Each roll of his hips draws silky moans from your parted lips. Heat radiates from where hands gently grip your thighs as you writhe beneath him.

You claw at his back, completely and utterly lost in the pleasure as you take the plunge into another mind-blowing orgasm.

He loves how your body reacts to his touch. He loves how you squeeze around his cock, quivering uncontrollably around him as he finds his own wonderful release.

He pushes into you once more before letting himself go. Your head swirls as he fills you with his seed, while your heart pounds to the same rhythm as his.

Taehyung’s pace slows as you tremble around him, he finds it hard to quit thrusting. He doesn’t want to forget this, doesn’t want to waste a moment where he’s not buried deep inside you.

You feel the same way, feeling full in more ways than one, and your heart flutters when you make this realization. Taehyung completes you.

Once his breath returns to its normal rate, he pulls out slowly and watches in admiration as his seed leaks out from your center, dripping between your folds.

He freezes with his eyes glued to the mess he created inside of you, wanting to burn this image into his memory forever.

Taehyung gives in to his sudden urge and uses the pad of his thumb to massage your sensitive heat. Sensually, he pushes the remaining cream back into you, wanting it to stay inside you forever.

He eventually lays back down and pulls you on top of him, the exhaustion starting to set in. His lips leave precious kisses along your cheeks, jawline, and neck before attaching to yours. He sighs contently and rests his hands on the curve of your lower back, satisfied with the way your body conforms perfectly against his.

You lay there, enjoying the blissful moment until you take in what just happened. You have no regrets, Taehyung was everything. But your head is still spinning as thoughts like ‘what does this mean’ and ‘where do we stand now’ float through your brain.

Your heart rate picks up as you start to feel a small sense of panic take over. You need to clear your head and clean yourself properly. A shower. That’ll help.

You’re sweaty, sticky, and still covered in a combination of yours and his cum, yet Taehyung refused to let you roll off of him, "Stay, you’re warm.”

“I’m gross, and I could use a shower,” you say, glancing at him, “if that’s okay…”

“Yeah, absolutely,” he nods as you move off of him. He gets up, presumably grabbing you some clothes. He digs around in his dresser before pulling out a pair of clean sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Here, and there’s the bathroom.” He says pointing to the door that’s to the left of the bed, “Make sure you lock the other door, it’s attached to Yoongi’s room. I’ll join you in a few.” There’s a sudden skip in your heart as you watch him slip his jeans back on and lean down to kiss your cheek. Biting down a creeping smile, you give him one final wave before leaving his room.

Taehyung heads downstairs to grab a glass of water. The party is long over now after the bust and he steps around empty cups scattered down the steps.

As he makes the turn into the kitchen and reaches for a glass, to say that he was surprised to be greeted by Jimin and his know-it-all face would be a straight-faced lie. Exhaling, he closes the cabinet door.

“Don’t even say it,” Taehyung warns. He has more important things to listen to than Jimin’s ‘I told you so’s’.

"Say what? I have no idea what you mean…” he smirks. “Okay I lied, I told you! I totally told you she was into you. You’re welcome by the way.”

It takes Taehyung a few seconds to comprehend where his friend is going with that.

“Oh my god! I should have known. You purposely gave me her piece of paper during the game!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t you have someone waiting?”

“You think you’re so sneaky, don’t you?”

He grins coyly, “Maybe just a little bit.”

Feeling the sunshine’s warmth on your skin wakes you up at daybreak. You stretch and snuggle back into the cozy bed. Taehyung is still snoring softly beside you, unbothered by the sound of the birds awakening.

You admire his face as he sleeps, while memories of your steamy shower late last night drift through your mind. He took extra care of you, washing your body head to toe, massaging your scalp as he shampooed your hair, and leaving warm kissing on your skin after drying you off. Of course, that was all after he held you against the glass wall of his shower and did more sinful things to your writhing body. Shuddering as you remember the filthy things he whispered to you while doing those things.

You ignore the heat pooling between your legs from the recollections of Taehyung’s long fingers and where he put them, among other things, and internally groan instead realizing you need to make your escape now before the rest of the house wakes. Before you’re caught.

And if Sana stayed over too, you’ll never hear the end of it.

The walk of shame is not something people typically look forward to, especially when you’re leaving a frat house of all places. It’s a double-shame kind of moment.

You have one leg over him and are almost able to touch the floor to make your great escape.

Taehyung peeks between his barely parted eyelashes and smiles slyly at how unaware you are. His arms close around you quickly just as your foot skims the floor, immediately pulling you against him so your face is only a mere couple of inches away from his.

“And where, pray tell, do you think you’re going?” he says with a gruff morning voice that sends another wave of heat to your center. Your cheeks flush pink as you squirm, feeling his morning wood along your thigh.

"Oh, um. Hi-”

“Oh don’t do that.”

“Do what?” you ask as you try to wiggle out of his arms, but his iron grip doesn’t allow for that.

“Acting all shy. Nuh-uh. Not allowed. Not after last night,” he announces, tugging you in for a quick kiss while his fingers tickle your side, which causes you to wriggle against him even more.

He lets out a groan and his hips involuntarily buck up into yours. That’s when you really feel him.

It’s your turn to grin wolfishly. “Oh, sorry about that,” you taunt as you press your center down onto him again and circle slowly before sitting up on your knees, leaving him between your legs wanting more contact, needing more of you.

“Fuck, you can’t just grind on me and then stop, baby. Please keep going,” he begs as he juts his hips up looking for some kind of friction.

Taehyung stills and moans uncontrollably as you palm his hardening length through the fabric of his sweatpants, and it’s nearly enough to make him see stars when you reach inside to feel him.

His voice shudders when you pull him out from the waistband of his pants. Your pointer finger glides along his satiny skin, across the vein popped out from your touch, and up to his tip to wipe the small, white dribble away.

“Ready so soon? Thought you’d be spent after last night,” you tease, knowing very well he’ll pounce on you at any moment once given the okay. He watches in awe as you bring your finger up to your lips to lick it clean.

“Mmmm,” you hum, “maybe I should take another taste first…” You bend down to lick along his length this time.

“Oh god,” he grunts, his husky voice full of desire.

Taehyung thanks the universe for not coming undone the second your sweet mouth encompasses his length. He pushes the hair out of your face so he can watch you bob up and down, your hands covering the lower part of his shaft that won’t fit in your mouth.

You press down into him as far as your body lets you, swallowing his hugeness with pride.

His hand grips your hair to your head still as he moves inside you. Slowly at first, not wanting to hurt you, but picking up the pace nonetheless, loving how you choke around him.

He pulls out of your mouth and you gasp for air, drool dripping uncontrollably from your swollen lips.

“Open,” he rasps, holding back until he’s able to place his throbbing head on your tongue and shoots his release into your throat with a loud moan.

His body trembles as the tip of your tongue dances along the underside of his head. He gasps when your lips close around him and you work to suck the rest out of him.

His whole body shudders when you release him, the pain of being overstimulated mixing deliciously with the pleasure you make him feel. He lets out one last breath before collapsing beside you, totally drained.

You lay in bed as the sun rises up high in the sky, holding each other as you talk quietly about whatever crosses your minds, laughing every so often when one of you disagrees with the other, all while you wait to regain the energy to start your day officially.

Meaning it’s nearly noon by the time you crawl out of bed.

“C’mon, I’ll make us something to eat. You like french toast?”

The boys on the sofa ignore you as you walk behind them on your way to the kitchen with Taehyung, or so you think they do.

“Oh yeah, just like that Tae. Oooh,” Yoongi teases once you’re out of the living room, using a girly voice that is supposed to mock yours.

“Fuck, keep going, baby.” Jimin tries to imitate Taehyung but does so very poorly. Still, the overly smug look on his face taunts you childishly.

Taehyung grabs something out of the fruit bowl and whips it at them. “Go fuck yourself with that damn banana Jimin,” he hollers, muttering curses under his breath.

Awkwardly, Jimin picks up the banana that hits him in the back of the head and frowns, “Way to ruin bananas for me. Thanks.”

“As if that’s gonna stop you,” Seokjin laughs as he comes down the steps, joining the conversation. Jimin scowls. Namjoon loses it on the recliner, laughing so hard he’s not making a single sound, which in turn causes everyone to laugh with him.

“Don’t mind them, they’ve clearly lost too many brain cells,” he tells you after lifting you onto the counter next to his workstation. He turns to grab the ingredients he needs out of the fridge, and you realize with a sense of adoration, you could get used to this.

©shadowkoo 2023. All rights reserved.

#kvanity #kim taehyung #taehyung #taehyung x reader #kth x reader #taehyung x you #kth x you #fratboy!taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung e2l #taehyung au #taehyung oneshot #kth oneshot #kth fanfic #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fic #kth fic #v oneshot #v fic #v fanfic #v smut #bts oneshot #bts smut #bts fic #bts fanfic

[eoieopda]

reckless serenade (kth)

i’ve been trying to figure out exactly what it is i need // called up to listen to the voice of reason // and got the answering machine

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Fem!Reader Type: One-Shot - Sequel to The Bad Thing drabble. Summary: Your husband hasn’t looked at you in months, but his co-worker, Kim Taehyung, can’t take his eyes off you. Word Count: 4K, with 2K+ being smut, lmao. Content: SMUT - 18+; Taehyung's POV; infidelity; reader's husband really is just The Worst; oral sex (m and f receiving); multiple orgasms; face-sitting; penetrative sex (p in v); tbh it doesn't explicitly state whether it's protected or unprotected sex, so??; moral quandaries; Taehyung gets his own fucking warning tbh. A/N: This Taehyung is back by popular demand. This picks up where the drabble left off, so go read that if you haven’t! Actual note and tags are at the end :)

You’d returned to the table separately, several minutes apart, to quell suspicion.

As it turned out, the subtlety hadn’t been unnecessary. Nobody batted an eye when Taehyung sat down after a prolonged absence; and, as expected, your husband’s lecherous gaze hadn’t left the waitress long enough to find you missing. So, when you’d slid back into the seat at Taehyung’s side, no one knew your dirty little secret.

Secrets. Plural.

Park Ji-won might never know that you’d just orgasmed thrice, only a few meters away behind an unlocked door. Or that Taehyung’s orgasm was still lingering where he left it, staining the inside of your little lace panties. Or that the wedding ring he’d bought for his pretty, young bride was still in Taehyung’s pocket, rolling between the fingers that now knew you inside and out.

Definitely not that you’d left that ring in Taehyung’s possession with the promise of retrieving it after dinner — if you even wanted that tacky thing back in the first place.

When the bill came, Taehyung’s co-workers — your husband included — whined like petulant fucking children that the twelve bottles of liquor they’d consumed were fully accounted for. Out of habit, Taehyung glowered and turned to see how you were reacting, only to find that you’d done the same.

There was a wry smile tugging at your lips when you whispered, “Well, well, well… if it isn’t the consequences of their own actions.”

He’d snorted into his glass of water, watched his life flash before his eyes, and — thankfully — managed to swallow down his laughter before he could choke on it.

Is this the personality your husband misses out on, listening to everyone but you?

Taehyung, keeper of the company’s black card, bowed to the waitress as he handed it over. She’d smiled at him — the first genuine one he’d seen from her all night — and scurried off to close out what had likely been one of the worst shifts of her life thus far.

Normally, he’d feel the same: eager to leave and get the fuck away from the ghouls he already spent too much time with. So annoyed by their lack of manners and restraint that his rage would carry him out the door, to his car, and home again without either foot seeming to come in contact with the ground. He’d levitate this time, too, but for different reasons.

Instead, Taehyung flew home on thoughts of you. He’d replayed the way you shivered when he pulled your chair out for you and helped you into your coat. Like a rose petal in his palm, so fucking delicate, he’d carried the memory of your hand bumping innocently against his on his way out the door. And as he drove, he thought of what you’d said under your breath.

Am I a consequence of your husband’s actions, too?

Taehyung has been home for two hours now, and he still doesn’t know what the fuck to do with himself. 

He doesn’t bother turning on the television; he’d never be able to focus on whatever would end up flashing across the screen. He doesn’t pick up one of the many books in that untouched, yet ever-growing pile on his coffee table. His gaze keeps flicking hopefully towards his front door, as if staring at it with intention will manifest you on the other side. 

What if you changed your mind? What if you'd been caught out? What the hell was Taehyung supposed to do with your wedding ring if you never came back for it? 

Fuck. Shit! Motherfu— 

His catastrophizing is cut short by a quiet knock on the door. Three shy taps in quick succession, they mirror the way Taehyung’s heart is thudding against his rib cage. He ignores the anticipation turning cartwheels in his stomach as he pushes himself off the couch and makes his way to you. 

Even though you’d announced your intentions earlier, Taehyung is still semi-shocked when he opens the door and sees you standing on his doorstep. The look in your eyes tells him that you’re surprised, too. At yourself, maybe, for following this rabbit hole down to the bottom. Or at him, because he hadn’t used any of the past two hours to change from his suit into something less stuffy. 

You did change, he notes immediately. You’ve traded in your dress and stilettos for active wear; and Taehyung really might die now, jealous of leggings that smooth over your curves like water. It’s the comfort that really has him fucked up, though. The hair in a loose knot on top of your head, the barely-there stain of pink on your lips now that your lipstick has been discarded. 

“There you are,” He hums with a tilt of his head. There on his doorstep; there in real time; there in what he can guess is your usual state. Fucking perfect. “Wasn’t sure if you changed your mind.” 

You cross your arms, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, and tilt your head just the same. “I didn't,” you breeze, “I was conducting an endurance test.” 

“Oh?” Taehyung chuckles softly, “Do tell.” 

“I wanted to see how long I could tolerate sitting home, alone, without even a texted excuse – and without going out of my mind.” 

“Two hours? Impressive.” 

“Forty-five minutes,” You correct him, eyes twinkling, “I just got really, really lost on my way here.” 

“Even more impressive.” Taehyung grins as he opens the door and steps aside to invite you in.  

You slink through the gap; and he can’t tell if the way you brush against him is intentional or not. Then, you toe off your sneakers and leave them on the mat next to the door. You look up at him, but he’s still looking at your shoes.  

Plausible deniability, he realizes. Just in case tonight is the first night that your husband cares where you are — out on a run. 

Taehyung pushes the thought away, tears his gaze off of those Nikes, and refocuses on you. Ignoring the million things he wants to do to you, he nods up the hall to his kitchen. “Care for a drink? I’ve got an incredible bottle of Bordeaux from Pomerol.” 

“Just one bottle?” Your tiny smirk weakens his resolve even further. If he didn't love these little exchanges so much, he'd be worshipping you by now. “Not twelve?” 

The most perplexing thing about you isn’t how quick-witted you are. Taehyung’s seen it in every conversation he’s ever had with you; and he waits patiently for it, every time. The twist is how subtle you are with your little quips. Perfectly understated, they’ll fly right under the radar of anyone who doesn’t expect them.  

Does your husband even know to look?

He leads and you follow until you’re both standing in his kitchen. You take in your surroundings while you nibble thoughtfully on your bottom lip. Taehyung digs through a poorly organized drawer for a corkscrew he’s not sure he even owns.

Now, he’s nervous. This is the part where you find out he’s not a wine guy. He spent every step here praying that you wouldn’t ask him a single question about that Bordeaux because he couldn’t tell you a goddamn thing about it — except that it was a gift from a client, and that he hadn’t opened it because he prefers beer. 

You, on the other hand, enjoy wine. If you do end up drinking at the firm events you attend, that’s what you choose. While your husband is off somewhere, drowning in hard liquor, Taehyung is laughing with you and your glass at a table. When the night’s over, he replays the sight of your tongue darting out over your lips, collecting the excess maroon that lingers when you pull your glass away. 

Taehyung can’t point out Pomerol on a map and, as it turns out, he can barely operate a wine-opener. Thankfully, you have your back turned and your eyes fixed on the wall calendar full of shit he intends to blow off. You don’t glance back at him until, with a pop, he finally yanks the mangled cork from the bottle’s neck. 

Before he can turn to the counter and grab two wine glasses from the rack hanging overhead, you’re already on task. On tiptoe, reaching up, up, up, you let out a frustrated whine when you still come up short. On instinct, Taehyung steps into the space behind you. You lean back against him while he secures one glass in each hand; he feels the heat radiating off your body and nearly drops them.

Not that he would mind.

It’s so hard to give a shit about this wine with the curve of your ass so near to his dick, but he’s a better host than he is a co-worker, so he slips away to pour you a drink. Once he’s finished, he holds yours out to you.

If he were drunk by now, he could’ve blamed it on the alcohol, but he swears there’s a faint crackle of electricity when your fingertips brush against his. 

You close your eyes and inhale through your nose. “Mmm,” you hum appreciatively, eyes re-opening to blink up at him, “Smells incredible, doesn’t it?” 

Taehyung has no fucking clue because he forgot to fill a glass for himself. He doesn’t care if you notice, either; he’s too transfixed by the sight of your lips parting as you bring your glass to your mouth. You take that burgundy in, the column of your throat bobs as you swallow, and he’s waiting for it – waiting for it – waiting for it... 

It’s such an innocent action, the tip of your tongue swiping over your lip, but it sets off something primal in him.  

Bordering on feral, Taehyung sets his still-empty glass back on the granite surface of the island and takes four, wide steps to you. A little gasp tumbles out when his hands claim your waist, but it isn’t surprise. Pupils suddenly blown wide, it’s want that prompts you to discard your drink beside his and tangle both hands in his hair. 

Though he’s wanted to for years, this is the first time Taehyung has ever kissed you. It’s carnal. You kiss him back, and it’s all clicking teeth, whimpers, and desperate, clinging fingers. Insatiable, too, and it tastes like fancy French wine.  

You’re starving for it, he knows, and you whine when his tongue leaves yours lonely. That pout could convince him, without a word, to rob a bank at gunpoint.

Who the fuck would leave you home alone? 

“Angel,” Taehyung pants, locking eyes with you. He runs the pad of his thumb over your flushed cheek and feels the way you shiver. “I’m not above fucking you in this kitchen, but after fucking you in a public restroom, I think you’ve earned a bit more comfort than that.”

“Oh, fuck – just like that, angel. Shit!"

You’re on your knees between his spread legs with his throbbing length down your throat and your hair flicked over your shoulder. It’d all spilled from your top-knot a while ago, and Taehyung remains thankful for the shitty construction of that elastic band. Now, he has some part of you to hold while the rest of your body is out of reach.  

Every instinct is telling Taehyung to throw his head back against the pillow – with his eyes screwed shut and his mouth hanging open – but then he’d miss the way you keep looking up at him under dark eyelashes. Wet eyes blink as your ravenous mouth works magic, and goddamn, this talent has been going to waste for years. 

If he lets your ministrations continue, he’ll be dead long before he can pay you back – with interest. Buried before he can thank you properly for your service with his face between your thighs. So, Taehyung swallows hard, cards his fingers through your hair, and gently guides you off of him. 

He’s committed a lot of sins in the past six hours, but interrupting your medal-worthy exhibition feels like the worst of them. 

Your voice is a bit hoarse from how much of him you’d taken and how’d deeply you taken him. Wiping at the spit that slicks your chin, you look self-conscious when you rasp, “Is something wrong?” 

“No,” Taehyung shakes his head firmly though most – definitely not all – of him feels like gelatin. “Fuck no, sweets. That’s why I have to stop you.” 

Sitting back on your knees, you pout, and he melts. He’s already spent too much time wondering how your husband can leave you on the sidelines – but that was before Taehyung knew what face you make when you don’t get your way.  

Goodbye world, he thinks. He’ll never get out of this bed as long as you’re in it.

He beckons you with a curl of his finger, wholly unprepared for the ramifications of his decision to do so. Now, you’re straddling him, hovering overhead with your face mere centimeters away from his. You lean in when he cradles your jaw in his hand. So sweet, you smile a little when you feel the tickle of his breath warm your lips. 

“Ride me.”

Taehyung can’t help himself; he’s nearly pleading. You smirk and move your hand down towards the cock leaking all over his stomach. He reaches out, taps under your chin, and stops you in your tracks. You burn pink when he clarifies, “Not there.” 

This idea has you frozen in place. Worse, there’s a speck of anxiety blooming in your eyes; and Taehyung doesn’t have to guess why. He’ll add this to the infinite list of ways Park Ji-won has fucking failed you. 

Taehyung was already propped up on his elbow, but now he sits up fully to meet you where you are. “Hey,” he murmurs, stroking his thumb over your chin before kissing you, “Only if it’s what you want. For what it’s worth –”  

Fuck, you look so shy.

He kisses you again. “I want you to fuck yourself on my tongue –” And again. “Until you’ve taken back every orgasm –” Another kiss, and you whimper, “You’ve been deprived of.” 

When Taehyung’s eyes flicker back to yours, there’s a new sense of determination burning in your irises. Even better, there’s a brief twitch in your jaw as you place your palm against his bare chest and push him back down against the mattress.

You’re a force of nature every day of the week, but as you crawl over him, it’s the most powerful he’s ever seen you look. 

Your hands take hold of the headboard as you lower yourself down towards his mouth, which is already watering at the mere thought of tasting you. Pausing with your slick center just out of his reach, you glance down at Taehyung. He tilts his head to the side, nips playfully at your inner thigh, then soothes the sting with a slow swipe from his tongue. 

He doesn’t say a word, but you hear him, nonetheless. Keep going. You do, and you both groan when his mouth meets your cunt.

Finally.

Tongue teasing at your clit, Taehyung’s hands on your thighs pull you down harder. He refuses to accept the shyness keeping distance between you. No, he demands your full weight; all of you.  

Angel that you are, you acquiesce and grant permission for him to devour you fully. Taehyung can’t hear you keening over the suckling, slurping, and panting, but he can feel it in the way your thigh muscles clench around his head. 

His name rings out clear as a bell, though, right before your whole body begins to shake. 

“F-fuck!” You squeak, crumpling forward.  

Taehyung suspects that your orgasm is too heavy to face sitting upright, but whatever the reason is, it’s bringing your fluttering cunt closer and closer to him; and he has no plans to stop at one. Spit-slicked and gushing over his mouth, the way you begin to grind against him says that you aren’t tapping out, either. 

It’s a start, but he wants more from you. To coax it out, Taehyung pushes his fingertips deeper into the flesh of your legs and pleads with you to give him everything you have. You listen – so fucking well – and drop one hand from the headboard to grip his hair.

Yes, he screams inside his head. Use me, angel, just like that. And you do, rolling your hips against his mouth, tugging at his curls until he feels that incredible sting at his roots. 

You come a second time with his tongue darting inside your hole, nose brushing against your clit. Insatiable, both of you, he forces out a third before those aftershocks can even subside. 

Taehyung gasps for air when you wriggle away from him. You’re equally out-of-breath when you collapse sideways onto the bed and rest your trembling body against his. When he turns his head to look over at you, he expects to find you with your eyes closed, fully spent. Instead, despite your fluttering eyelids, you stare right back at him. 

The way your fingertip traces soft spirals across his chest has his brain spinning, too. For reasons he can’t explain, that delicate touch feels infinitely more intimate than the million ways he’s touched you over the course of the night. It’s the most at-peace he’s felt, too, but you throw a curveball to keep him on his toes. 

“Not tired already, are you?” You tease with a devilish grin before placing a kiss on his bicep. When he laughs incredulously at you – you minx – you keep those little kisses coming until they're trailing up the curve of his shoulder. 

Taehyung is a firm believer in showing, not simply telling. Catching you completely off-guard, he rolls over until you’re pinned beneath him, head caged between his arms. Your surprise left you in a gasp, but the shock has already given way when he ducks down to nibble at the side of your neck.

You moan when he nips at your earlobe; you miss the way he smirks against your skin because your eyes have fluttered shut again. Who's tired now? He growls low from his chest to recapture your attention, “How do you want it, beautiful?” 

Everywhere, all the time, like I do? 

Taehyung suckles at a spot below your jaw, and he doesn’t give a fuck if your husband finds his calling card. You don’t either, it seems; you whimper and roll your head to the side to increase his access. 

You keen as you place your hands on his shoulder and dig your nails into his skin, “Dealer’s choice, just – please fuck me.” It sounds close enough to a cry when you continue, “I need you inside of me – now.” 

How could he ever say no when you beg like that? 

Your poor thighs have been through enough, so Taehyung keeps you where you are: nestled underneath him with your heaving chest brushing against his with every breath. You spread your legs to create space for him, then cross your ankles behind his back when you feel his tip tease at your entrance. 

He has to fight to keep his eyes open when he enters you; unwilling to miss a second of the way your mouth falls open, even though you’re too vexed to audibly moan. He’s not – not yet, anyway – and he can't keep quiet when your wet heat envelops him.  

Slowly to start, Taehyung grinds against you, pushing his cock further into your cunt until he’s buried to the hilt.  “Holy shit,” he grunts.

You’re dripping. There are rivulets of you spilling over his length, coating him all the way down. Still, your walls grip him tightly enough to dot stars behind his eyelids. Squeezing, daring him to move but fighting him as he tries to leave. You’ll milk him dry, sooner rather than later.

“I’ll never get over this – could fuck you every day, and it wouldn’t be enough.” 

Whimpers spill out of you as he continues to rut against you, stretch you open for him. Your nails dig half-moons into his arms, and they sting, but Taehyung wants every single souvenir you’re willing to give him. He’d archive every touch if he could; play every mewl of yours on a loop, and savor the way it feels when you orgasm around his cock. 

“So, don’t stop,” You pant, gripping his jaw and pulling him close enough to kiss. Against his lips, you repeat your demand, “Don’t ever stop.” 

Taehyung is still trying to determine which version of you has him most fucked in the head.

He thought it was you and your little, black dress and heels. The version of you that followed the man who took your wedding ring into a public restroom; fucked him; and then left without your ring.

Then, he met the version of you that dresses down for clandestine, extra-marital dick appointments. A dark horse, certainly, but then there's the one who wore nothing at all; who shook, and cried, and came all over his face.

The best thing, he realizes, came last.

It's you in his crewneck, towel-drying your hair in his bathroom while he brushes his teeth. You, saying you'll stay – just this once – because you know for a fact that your husband never came home. You with your chin resting on his chest as your sleepy gaze struggles to focus on him.

Taehyung had figured that you were too tired to speak, so you startle him with your voice; even more so with the deep frown working its way over your face. With how much you shrink when you say, "I think I'm a bad person."

"Why, because you're here?"

You nod. His heart drops, though not because he didn't expect this. Rubbing gentle circles into your back, Taehyung inhales, deep in thought. There's a lot he wants to say, but significantly less that he can even begin to articulate. He can't say the quiet part out loud, even though it's screaming through his skull.

Maybe if your husband was a good person, you wouldn't be where you are right now. Maybe if he loved you, he would be home to notice that you weren't.

He tries his best, sighing, "I think people are a lot more complicated than that."

This thought catches your attention. Your chin digs into him slightly as you tilt your curious head to the side. Cute.

He continues, "I think we're given a hand of cards – some of them great, most of them shitty – and we do our best to play them well. You know, to the extent that we can."

"Do you really believe that, or are you trying to make me feel better?" You smirk, playfully tugging at the waistband of his boxers.

Taehyung exhales forcefully through his nose and tucks a runaway strand of damp hair behind your ear, "Does it matter?"

tagging: @borahae-k @i-purple-buff-bunni @pamzn @myimaginationsrunningwild @nonbinary-demonbrat @mgthecat @btschimeyplanet @jihopesjoint @jaejoontrashpanda @taebaelove @cyanide-mustard @xjoonchildx @jkoofier (couldn't tag) @bbyorchid (couldn't tag) @persphonesorchid @sncx3 @hersheytheekiss (couldn't tag) @iammisstora @quarter-life-crisis2 @here2bbtstrash @dvalitaes @1dsn @iadelicacy

want to be on my permanent bts taglist? sign up here.

likes are always appreciated, but it's feedback that means the most — whether that's in a comment below, PM, reblog, tags, etc. tysm for reading ✨

A/N: So, by now, you've noticed that the original drabble and this fic are both in Tae's POV. I did not want to tell the reader how to feel about this. I wanted it to be as open-to-interpretation as possible, and I really, really, really wanna know what y'all think about the thing I didn't clarify: Do you think (1) they actually have feelings for each other; (2) Taehyung loves the idea of her and feels like he's "saving" her; (3) Reader just wants to be wanted, for once; or (4) it's a combination of things? HMMMM.

#re: the bad thing #re: reckless serenade #kth #kim taehyung #taehyung #bts taehyung #bts kim taehyung #bts #bts smut #bts angst #kim taehyung smut #kim taehyung angst #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung x you #kim taehyung x y/n #bts fic #taehyung fic #trashlibrary #heyryen #jade writes

[pynkgothicka]

Hey!

I love ur blog and ur writing they

Soo good can I request a yandere husband taehyung x reader where it's the typical wife worship husband kind lf thing also can u pls make him really dark too with a non-con

Sorry if it's too much

Love ya

Ｍｉｌｌｉｏｎ Ｄｏｌｌａｒ Ｍａｎ ＫＴＨ

Pairing - Dark! Husband! Kim Taehyung x AFAB! Reader

Featuring - None!

Word Count - Around 1.8k

Tags and Warnings - Domestic Violence, Non-Con, Breeding Kink, Mentions of blood, forest sex scene, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Allusions to kidnapping

Authors Note - Late Valetines Day story! This is my last req!! Sooo some more personal inspiered stuff coming soon! Also please let me know if you guys like the longer more descriptive fics.

A friendly reminder that all my works are dark fanfiction! Please if you do not like that do not read them! These depictions don't pertain to reality. This is your final warning before hitting the keep reading button!!

He was your world, your everything.

Or at least that’s what he told you.

Soon, you found yourself having to repeat these thoughts, constantly reminding yourself of them, almost blinding yourself to the harsh reality of just how miserable you had become.

You cut potatoes, sprinkling herbal seasoning on top. You put them in a pan and cover them with virgin olive oil. Placing the pan in the oven, you set a timer.

The beep reminded you of the constant threats and warnings he provided. He required dinner to be prepared by the time he returned home from work every day. Especially today, Valentine's Day. The day you are supposed to be the most appreciative of what Kim Taehyung has given you.

During your cleanup, you suddenly felt a pair of hands encircle your waist, and a broad nose press against your neck. You instinctively leaned into the touch, fully aware of who it was. "Hello, my love," he murmured, his warm breath gently caressing your neck.

"Hello, how was your day at work?" You inquire, speaking softly with a touch of sweetness. He grunted, wrapping his arms around your waist tighter. "Did you have a tough day?”

Taehyung uttered dismissively, "They were just bothering me, honestly. All I wanted was to be back home with you." He says, planting a kiss on your neck once more. You could feel his cock harden against the curve of your back. You shivered noticeably. His black hair brushed against your neck. "Are you cold baby?”

You glance downwards and shake your head. "No... Your hair just tickled me a little bit.”

Taehyung nodded to himself as he responded, "I brought you some beautiful roses and your favorite chocolates." He lamented slightly, his hips pressing against your back. You stayed quiet. "What do you say?”

“Thank you… I-I’m making dinner… I’m sorry I couldn't get you anything more.” You apologized. But you both knew the reason why.

You had no access to your funds.

No access to a vehicle to leave.

No knowledge of where you lived.

Not even the luxury of owning a phone or the login to any of the house's computers.

Yet Taehyung cooed. “It's okay, I know you love me. I don't need all that stuff.”

Shit. Not even light gaslighting could make him feel sorry and give you more privileges. You nod in agreement as he speaks. “I’m going to get cleaned up for dinner. Don’t wait on cleaning, you know I hate having a dirty kitchen.” Taehyung walks away, gesturing towards the mess on the kitchen counter.

“It’ll get cleaned. I promise.”

💲

After dinner, you prepared to go to bed. You'd expected Taehyung to be asleep by now, but he was up. Book in hand he lay in bed, his nightwear glasses making him look as sophisticated as ever. You gulped, walking towards the bed and crawling in. Crawling into bed next to him, you asked, “Aren't you sleepy yet?”

“No, I can't calm my mind," he stated abruptly. You could tell he was upset at something. It was something you had to pick up on, being with him. He was too emotional, his mood swings frightening you at times. “Where is my laptop?”

Of course that's what it was.

Desperation drove you to try and access Taehyung's laptop. He had left it unattended and you saw it as a chance to try and discover your location. The day you married Taehyung, he had swept you off your feet and whisked you away to an unknown place, leaving you with no knowledge of where you were or how to escape.

The house was nestled in a dense forest, surrounded by trees as far as the eye could see. Sometimes, you would gaze out the window, searching for signs of life in the distance. But all you ever saw was the endless expanse of darkness, an eerie stillness that only made you fear Taehyung more.

The computer taunts you with every failed login attempt, each one feeling like a slap in the face. Frustration and desperation build as you frantically try every password you can think of until finally, with a loud beep, the screen displays "Access Denied." Fury bubbles up inside of you as you realize you've been locked out. Trembling with anger, you snatch the computer and hide it away, unable to face another rejection from this merciless machine.

The silence between you two is deafening.

He flips a page in the book he was reading, seemingly calm but you know better. You can feel his eyes boring into you

"Why are you so quiet?" he questioned, flipping a page in his book. "I know you did something - you turned off the cameras. I received a notification on my phone.”

Quietly, you mustered up the courage to reply. “I-I wanted to…”

"What did you want? To abandon me? On Valentine's Day? After everything I've done for you? After everything I've sacrificed for you?" Taehyung bombarded you with questions, and you couldn't make sense of them. He slammed his book shut and got right in your face. His hands aggressively pulled at the bottom of your nightgown, as if trying to search you for something. You let out a gasp and fought back by kicking at him.

Then you got him. Your foot connecting with his face.

Taehyung jerked back, sitting up abruptly. A metallic taste floods his mouth as he runs his tongue over his now split and bleeding upper lip. “Won't you look at that…”

“T-Tae… I-I’m sorry. Please, I didn't mean it. I-I can pa-” But before you could finish, his hand wrapped around your throat, cutting off your words and squeezing tightly. The impact of your head hitting the wooden headboard sends a jolt of pain through your skull, but it's nothing compared to the fear that grips you as one of his hands grips your throat, his face twisted in a violent rage. Taehyung's grip tightened as he knelt over you, both hands now grasping at your neck.

“What was that for huh? I thought I broke you in… but obviously I didn't do a good enough job huh?” With each point he wanted to get across, he lifted your head and slammed it into the bed. You tried to fight him off, desperately scratching at his arm with your anxiously bitten nails. With each brutal blow, your vision became spotty and distorted until you spotted the vase of roses nearby. The ones he had just brought for you. Without hesitation, you grabbed it and brought it down upon his skull, shattering the delicate glass and sending shards and water flying.

You had only a few seconds to get away.

Your feet thudded against the soft carpet as you sprinted out of the bedroom. Gasping for air, you knew there was no time to stop and catch your breath. Every second counted as you tried to make up for what had been lost.

Racing to the living room, you shoved your feet into house slippers and tore out of the door, darting into the dense woods that surrounded the home. Branches whipped and sliced at you, as you climbed over fallen debris. The idea of stopping flashed through your mind, but you knew you had to follow through.

Trying to see through the minimal amount of light was nearly impossible. The darkness consumed the woods, with only the moon's glow and the trees creating harsh shapes on the forest floor. "Baby! Where did you go? I'm sorry!”

His voice. It was too close, sending a chill down your spine. You quickly ducked behind a towering tree, heart pounding in your chest as you tried to steady your ragged breaths. One hand clamped over your mouth to stifle any noise, the other clenched into a tight fist. "Fuck," Taehyung's voice taunts, followed by the sound of his footsteps approaching. "You got me good, but don't worry. But I can be better okay? We can drop this entire thing and go back to bed…” Taehyung's voice was next to you.

But you aren't falling for that. He wanted you to feel bad. Taehyung's predatory steps echo behind you, coming closer and closer until a vice-like grip seizes your hair, yanking you down to the ground. “I thought we talked about this? This running away shit,” he spat.

"Tae, please, let's just go home... I'm sorry! I promise I won't run again, just please-" Your pleas fall on deaf ears as Taehyung circles around you, his imposing figure casting a looming shadow, pinning you to the dirt and making you feel utterly helpless, the dirt making you feel grimy. You could hear him pull down his pajama pants and you began to cry out. As you struggle to break free, Taehyung's grip tightens and he slams your shoulder back into the ground with a sickening thud. Tears stream down your face as you realize there is no escape from this nightmare.

His hand went to his mouth as he sucked on his middle and index finger. With his other hand, he roughly yanked up your gown until it tore at the seams. You screamed and cried, squeezing your eyes shut in desperate prayer, hoping against hope that this was all just a twisted nightmare inflicted by cruel and malevolent gods.

A shrill cry escapes your lips as your husband rips off your panties and plunges his fingers inside you. They skillfully find your sweet spot, causing you to moan in pleasure. “Already creaming around my fingers, fuck, that's so sexy,” he growls, a mix of desire and dominance in his voice. His head lowers to kiss you messily, leaving a trail of spit on your frightened face. His tongue invades your mouth, despite your attempts to protest.

With the sudden absence of his fingers came the sudden intrusion of his length.

The force of Taehyung's thrusts feels like a battering ram, relentlessly pummeling into you until your body is split in two. Your gasps turn into desperate cries of shock and agony as he continues to ravage you, his lips locked onto yours in a twisted display of affection.

It all left you gasping for air.

Your screams of agony were muffled by Taehyung's unrelenting kisses as he pounded into you mercilessly. You claw and beg for him to stop, tears mingling with the dirt beneath you as he continues to take what he wants from your menatlly broken body.

He persisted, driven by his ultimate goal to finish inside you. His desire was to take control of you, impregnate you with his child.

As you rolled your eyes back in pure ecstasy, Taehyung's cock became coated in slick, sticky cum. The sight only heightened his own arousal and soon he was filling you to the brim with his hot release. Taehyung had a dazed yet blissful look on his face as he gazed at you.

“Don’t turn off those cameras again.”

Let me know through a dm or ask to be included in my official Taglist- @darkuni63 @captainengineer-trixie @chimmisbae @iloverubberduckiez-blog @mageprincess7 @looneybleus @whipwhoops @mayvalentine33

#dark writing #tw dark content #tw yandere #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere blog #tw gaslighting #yandere bts #kth fanfic #kth #yandere kim taehyung #kim taehyung #kim taehyung fic #yandere bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fic #bts #bts smut #tw violence #tw abuse #tw noncon #tw kidnap mention #tw kidnapping #dead dove do not eat #dead dove fic

[caelesjjk]

entangled | jjk&kth - teaser

⟶title: entangled

⟶au: marvel au

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ genre: romance, smut, love triangle

⟶wc: 1.5k for this

⟶banner: by meee, and yes I’m insane and made a new one

⟶warnings: mentions of blood, kissing, a boob grab and an ass grab, but no actual smut for this, Jungkook calls you Data

⟶ summary: Jeon Jungkook is Spider-Man.

He saved your life twice. But he’s also been your sweet lab partner in college for the past two years and now someone who is more than just a friend.

You care about him…maybe even love him. But something tells you that you aren’t quite sure what love even is. How could you when you have feelings for someone else as well?

Kim Taehyung is the handsome stranger you’ve seen around campus and somehow ended up dancing with at Club Onyx. You were upset that Jungkook had stood you up once again and Taehyung made you feel like you were on top of the world.

What you didn’t know that night, is the dark secret Taehyung is trying desperately to hide, but the closer the two of you get the more difficult that becomes.

⟶ authors note: hello darklings. I know a lot of people have been waiting for this fic, and you’ll have wait just a bit more. But in the meantime, I offer this little teaser to hold you over. A little glimpse of spidey kook. First chapter will be posted in just a few weeks!

Also, if you asked to be on the taglist just now that I tried messing with it for a long ass time and got annoyed lol. I may try again for the actual fic.

“What are you doing here anyways?” You shove against his broad chest and feel his arm release your waist. He sighs, following you inside your apartment.

“I know you’re upset I missed the study session…” Jungkook starts to explain, but you twist back around to face him.

“If my friends hadn’t seen you around campus now and then, they would think I made you up, Jungkook. You never show. It makes me look pathetic.” You cross your arms over your chest and wait for the next excuse.

“You aren’t pathetic, Data. I’m just…” Jungkook winces when he reaches for you, a hand moving down to his ribs in pain. “Sorry, it’s healing it’s just slow.”

“What’s healing? What happened to you?” You let the fight go for a moment, closing the space between the two of you and moving his hand out of the way.

Beneath his fingers is a large cut, bloody but half hidden by his suit. It looks angry and inflamed. What could’ve made a cut like this?

“It’s nothing. I’ll heal up in a couple hours.” He pulls your hand away, blood stained on the tips of your fingers.

“It won’t matter how quick you heal if it gets infected. Come in here.” Your hand wraps around his and you pull him into your small bathroom. You steady him against your bathroom vanity and move to grab your first aid kit from the cabinet above your toilet. “Take that off.” You gesture to his Spider-Man suit.

“Yes, ma’am.” Jungkook teases, gingerly working his top half out of the suit. He hisses through his teeth as he peels the suit away from his ribs and lets it hang at his hips.

You are not the universe's strongest soldier.

Your eyes drift over all the dips and curves of muscle. A perfectly sculpted chest and abs you could literally eat off of are scrambling every sense you have in your head. You need to focus. Stay focused on the task at hand and not his ridiculously toned body.

“You okay, Data?” He asks, humor in his voice. That horrid nickname he had given you in your first year as lab partners is feeling more endearing these days. You clear your throat.

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? Just tending to Spider-Man’s wounds in my extremely tiny bathroom.” You try to laugh but it doesn’t sound genuine.

You take out some bandages and gauze and get to work cleaning him up. But even as you tape down the gauze, you can visibly see the wound getting smaller. Super powers were really something else.

“Data.” Jungkook’s voice brings you back to reality.

“What?” You sigh.

“Please come here.” His hands reach for your hips and you give in, letting him pull you until you’re flush against him, suddenly nose to nose. “That’s better.”

“I’m angry with you.” You whisper, heart pumping a bit faster in the close proximity.

“I know that you are. I’m really sorry…I swear I wanted to be there.” You look down to see him slip his gloves off his hands and sit them on the countertop before they’re coming up to cup your face.

“Then what happened? You need to tell me.” Your hands wrap around his wrists.

“There’s something out there, Data. A…monster that we can’t figure out. He’s strong…and fast. Nothing I’ve ever seen before.” His thumbs brush the corners of your mouth.

“What does it want?”

“It keeps breaking into the Lab across the River. It’s looking for something. But no one at the lab is being very forthcoming with information.” His forehead presses to yours, “but Mr. Kim is working on that part.”

Seokjin Kim, also known as Ironman. He was a mentor and a good friend to Jungkook. He had helped Jungkook navigate the new world of being a superhero and also gave him a job to help him pay for school.

“Hasn’t Mr. Kim told you to call him Jin over and over?” You tease, hands coming up to rest against his chest. Jungkook laughs quietly, pulling you closer.

“He has. Guess it just slipped out.” His hands move down to palm your ass.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” You raise an eyebrow in question of his actions.

“Just feels like I haven’t touched you in so long.” His warm mouth finds your throat and he presses kisses to the skin.

“Two days is a long time?”

“It is when it comes to you. Thinking about how much I want you gets so distracting.” He nuzzles into the crook of your neck making you giggle.

“So what I did for you two days ago wasn’t enough?” You let your hands slither down from his chest and over the planes of his stomach.

“Never enough.” His nose skims over your jaw until you’re back face to face and his lips are devouring yours. “I’d like to pay you back.”

“How?” You moan when you’re cut off by his tongue sliding into your mouth.

“Let me show you?” Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, taking your hand and leading you out of the bathroom.

Thinking he means to lead you to your bed, you start to pull him towards it but he seems to have other ideas, walking you back out onto the balcony. He releases your hand momentarily to slide his suit back up over his shoulders.

“What are you going to show me out here, Jungkook?” You start to feel suspicious.

“Do you trust me?” He jumps up onto your railing with ease, still holding your hand in his.

“Not if it involves you swinging me around off the side of buildings.” You start to pull your hand out of his, but his web shooter from the other wrist shoots a web at your torso, using his inhuman strength to pull you up onto the railing into his arms.

“I would never let you fall. Never. Just close your eyes for a few minutes. I promise it’ll be worth it, Data.” He touches your cheek gently, and even though you want to throw up every time he does this, you close your eyes and wrap your arms as tightly as possible around his neck and legs around his waist. “Ready?” He whispers in your ear, one strong arm wrapping around your back.

You don’t verbally answer, just nod once before burying your face into his neck.

And then the ground is no longer beneath your feet and the sickening feeling of free falling is very apparent. You try to breathe, squeezing yourself around Jungkook as you listen to the whooshing sound of his web shooters discharge and swing you between the tallest buildings in the city.

“You’re doing amazing.” Jungkook kisses your cheek, “just another minute.”

You keep your eyes squeezed shut until the curiosity becomes too overwhelming, making you dare to open your eyes just the slightest bit. You see the sun completely setting on the horizon, orange and purple hues slowly disappearing beneath the river. As long as you don’t think about how high up you are, it really is beautiful up here.

Jungkook shoots a web straight up into the air, letting it connect to the side of one of the tallest buildings, slowly pulling the two of you up until he’s reached the highest ledge, tapping your thighs so you know it’s safe to put your feet down.

“Why are we up here, Jungkook? You know the heights..” he kisses you before you can finish the sentence.

“Can we try something?” He smiles, and it’s infuriating. You’re too weak for this spidey boy. You sigh with exasperation.

“I’m already very wary of saying yes.” You look away from the ledge towards the top of the building.

“Let me make you feel good…up here.” His cheeks heat a little when he asks.

“Is this some kind of weird adrenaline thing? Why would you want that?” Your voice cracks and you sputter, disbelief heavy in your tone.

“I think it’ll be intense…feel so good.” His lips move down and his teeth nip at your jaw.

“It’s insane…” you melt into his touch and the way his mouth sucks at your neck.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll take you home. And I’ll get you naked in your bed instead.” He pulls your shirt over your head, fully knowing you’re about to give in.

“Bed sounds so good right now…”

“Please, Data…just try it.” He tosses your shirt to the side, cupping your breasts and kissing the tops of them.

“What do I have to do?” You feel too good to let the fear ruin the way he’s making you feel.

“Lie back on the ledge, with your arms above your head and your wrists crossed.”

You let him lead you down onto the ledge, every nerve in your body is hot and on the edge. Jungkook makes sure that you’re settled before he stands back up straight, looking down at you while you slowly move your arms above your head the way he asked.

“You’re perfect, Data.” Jungkook stares at you a moment longer before he aims his web shooter and traps your wrists together against the concrete ledge beneath you.

#bts #bts fic #jungkook fic #taehyung fic #jeon jungkook #kim taehyung #entangled teaser #jjk #kth #jungkook smut #taehyung smut #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts smut #jungkook #jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader

[baddiejjk]

MY SWEET OBSESSION – index/teaser

Synopsis: You were obsessed with him, but he had a girlfriend.

Paring: Jeon Jungkook x female Reader x Kim Taehyung

Genre: Smut, angst, love triangle, drama, friends to lovers

Warnings: Love triangle, explicit language, mature content, unhealthy relationships, alcohol consumption, cheating, friends with benefits

W.C: 63k

a/n: I finally got the courage and I'm going to start posting my story here soon. Hope you like it.

You were sure that flexibility was his strong point. And you loved flexible men. You couldn't help but gaze at Jungkook while he stretched, wearing those thin shorts and that white shirt that accentuated his biceps. You were devouring him with your eyes, but nobody noticed.

Since the day you first saw him, you harbored an impressive sexual desire, but you never got anywhere with it. Even if you tried for years, you wouldn't succeed. Even if you had to overlook his girlfriend who was right beside you, talking about how hot he was and drawing all the attention to him.

"He's been working out a lot," she says casually, as if it wasn't obvious.

You rolled your eyes because the jealousy you felt consumed you, and every day you cursed your best friend, Charlie, for introducing the two of you. You were so happy without them - just you, Namjoon, Charlie, Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung. You couldn't stand having to listen to her talk about the man you wanted but could never have.

But she did. She had the man you always dreamed of, and it was Charlotte's fault.

© baddiejjk, 2024. I do not give permission to repost or translate my work

Coming soon!

#jungkook fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk smut #kth smut #taehyung fanfic #taehyung smut #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x oc #bts x fem!reader #bts x you #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #kth x reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x oc #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #fanfic bts

[ivygguk]

kim taehyung fic recs!!!

my favs<3

One-shots:-

Lover's Revenge - @kooktrash

summary:- you dated Taehyung before he made it big, so it was easy to assume he’d forgotten all about you. but for the past two years you’ve been his muse even after your split. a forbidden love that never faded.

All you want - @kooktrash

summary:- in the world of high society finding your future partner took a lot of preparation. kim taehyung is one of the most sought out bachelors and he’s been roped on a blind date with Y/n, a spoiled rich girl not used to being told no. what happens when the two clash?

Heatwave - @curly-bangtan

Summary: When your town is hit with a heatwave, and the air conditioning at your shared place coincidentally malfunctions, you start to go a little crazy at your shit luck because there’s nothing you hate more than clammy pits, while Taehyung goes a little crazy thinking you’re trying to seduce him with your tiny shorts and popsicle-sucking skills.

Loverboy - @kookslastbutton

Summary: After a startling conversation with your coworkers, you start feeling insecure about your sexual prowess. You don't initiate as much, you haven't worn lingerie yet, and you're still timid about doing much seducing with your body–are you giving your boyfriend boring sex? Taehyung reassures you that you are perfect and have nothing to worry about.

These things take time (supernatural au) - @laughing-with-god

Summary: There's something wrong with your boyfriend Taehyung. At least, you think it's him.

Electra heart - @kooktrash

summary:- just dumped by his cheating ex girlfriend, taehyung seeks help from the campus primadonna to make his ex jealous. y/n is spoiled, mean and filthy rich—everything his ex loathed. what happens when the two form a pretend relationship that leaves their hearts in great turmoil?

#bts #bts v #bts taehyung #kth #taehyung x reader #taehyung #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #thv #taehyung x oc #taehyung smut #v smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #bts scenarios

[sugaimhome]

country house setting - kth - part one

pairing: 19th century taehyung x reader

minors do not interact!!!

warnings (this part): age gap (10 years, readers 18, he’s 28), masturbation (v brief), loads of smut in the next chapter hold ye horses, yandere (? he’s very obsessed with her and her innocence lol), hints towards previous abuse, distant father figure, the messed up society of 19th century britain, biscuits.

part summary: taehyung wasn't looking forward to the isolation of his fathers manor, when you knock his door, that isolation is shattered, he has a new obsession. When taehyung visits your father to introduce himself as his a new neighbor, he makes you an offer you just can not decline.

words: 4.4k

series summary: your isolated manor house has nothing interesting going on. but when the abandoned manor near to yours has a new occupant, things change. taehyung is obsessed with you from the day you first knock his door. he’d do anything for you, even if it meant going against your father’s wishes, even if it meant you losing something very important to your future marriage on the way, something that would force your fathers hand.

part one  part two  part three  masterlist 

explanation of the title: a literacy genre where fictional characters are often isolated and alone living in a country house.

A/N: i’ve been so excited to post this, then suddenly, min yoongi decides to post a picture with the same vibes... least to say I changed some names around to better suit next chapters 😫😫 he will be appearing more than once in this story. this hasn’t been proof read by anyone but me so sorry about that 😶‍🌫️ i love reader so much i just want to protect her 🥺 also the writing on the banner is jane austens writing, what a queen. I did try and copy the speaking of the time a little but I think I failed 😀

“A ball?” you ask, hope filling every inch of your heart, you’d never been to a ball, you were dying to go “Oh, father, we must go” It had been over two months since you’d properly left the house, and that had only been to the local market. You could only paint the garden so many times before going mad.

“We won’t be going to Min Yoongi’s ball” he replies, not looking up from the letter he’s holding. He sounds so resigned you wonder if he even heard you. 

“But father-” you begin, hoping to say your piece to him.

“No Y/N” his answer is blunt, you know it was final; there's no point arguing with him when he’s in one of these moods, it will only end with you getting hurt. 

“Okay”. This had been the third ball invitation this week and the third rejection from your father. You sigh. How were you ever to find a husband if you didn’t socialise? All the rich men would have found young brides now, and you, at the age of 18 would be seen as too old. The two of you stand in awkward silence for a while as he flips through his letters. 

“Someone is making residence in the manor beyond the brook.” he tells you, licking his finger to separate two pieces of paper from each other. 

“Really?” you ask. “I hope it’s a family, I would love a friend so close!”

“It’s a single man, according to the Park family, they are acquaintances with him in London.”

“London!?” you exclaim, you had been disappointed by the lack of friends the move in would bring but a new excitement had begun with the aspect of the man being from London. You had so many questions about the place. It was another world to you. “When does he move in?”

“You must not bombard him with your incessant questions.” he complains, wiggling a finger at you without looking up at you.

“I only wish to make him a cake, or maybe some biscuits” you admit, trying to lace honesty into your voice.

Your father sighs, putting down his papers and turning to you. “The 10th”

“But father, that is today!” you think he’s playing with you. “Don’t be mean”

“Read the letter if you do not believe your own father.”

The letter did in fact say the 10th. You’re almost jumping on your feet, but that would be impolite so instead you pull the letter, signed by the park jimin your father had always spoken about to your chest. “What great news” you say, trying to hide the excitement in your voice. “If you don’t mind, father, I will begin to make biscuits for him now”

“Do as you please” he replies, not really listening, still flicking through the pages in front of him. Curtsying you leave the room, the letter balled up in your fist. You make a bee-line for the kitchen, you’d get Annie to put the oven on straight away.

*** 

Taehyung had been hesitant to move back to the country. When his father had died 4 years ago he’d left his childhood home in his inheritance. Taehyung had decided that after so long it was time to return home after nearly 10 years in London. Home was a loose term. The manor had been miss kept, the garden overgrown, the surfaces dusty. Upon his early morning entrance to the house he had been ushered in by an elderly maid, Victoria was her name, he only vaguely remembered her. Apparently, he'd been paying her a monthly wage to maintain the place since his father had died. She hadn't been doing a too-great job. Though he was grateful that the house wasn't entirely empty when he arrived. Victoria had made him tea, lit his fire and explained to him that she was happy someone was living in the house again. She left, explaining she lived in the town across and had a family now. He granted her a smile as she went.

With the door locked shut and Victoria gone the only sound the house offered was the low snapping and crackling of the flames. It was so different to London, there was always something going on, someone coming to visit him, a servant cleaning or, even in the silent moments, the sound of the street at the end of his carriage-way. He missed it already. 

Yet the quiet of the house offered an odd privacy and an odd tranquility that he had missed. It dawned on him that he could do anything here and the only witness would be the flames of this fire and the wildflowers that had overtaken the garden. It gave him a sense of freedom.

Leaning back in his chair, cup of tea in one hand the other lying across his thigh. He relaxed in the blissful, slightly creepy, silence until the door knocked. He sighs. Maybe he wasn't as isolated as he thought. Nearly forgetting that no one is here to open the door for him as he had been so used to in London he quickly shoots from his chair. For a moment he struggled to open the front door, Victoria had locked him in it seemed. 

"Give me a moment!" he shouts, hoping his visitor hasn't already left.

He finds a key hanging from one of the plant pots. What an odd place. The door unlocks with relative ease and as he pulls it open he peeks his head around the door.

A teenager. He has opened the door to an unaccompanied female teenager who seems to have a box of biscuits. "Good Evening" she curtsies, the too small corset she's wearing almost over spilling her breasts. He gulps. "I live in the manor across the brook" she explains to him, he can hear the unease in her voice. The naivety and innocence. "I brought you biscuits."

She extends the box to him at arms length, squeezing her breasts together in the process. Was she doing this on purpose? "Thank you," he smiles, taking the box from her. "Would you like to come in?" When she nods he pulls the door open entirely, displaying the very dusty entryway. "Do excuse the disorder, as you can imagine it hasn't been well looked after" 

"I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't said" she admits, purposely keeping her eyes away from the dust. He appreciates the small action. She scans the reception hall, obviously waiting for him to lead her through to a social area. "My name is Y/N" she tells him as he leads her into the living area. When he doesn’t immediately reply she asks, "Would it be impolite to ask yours?"

She's oddly quiet, he probably wouldn't have heard her voice if he were in the hustle of London "Taehyung" he replies. "My father used to own this manor. He died four years ago, would you have known him?" 

"I would have been 14 then, with little consideration of what was going on around me" Y/N replies. "I am sorry for your loss"

She was 18. Many questions filled his head. "Is your father a respectable man?" He asks her. "Is that whom you live with?"

"Oh, yes, as respectable as yours once was I should imagine" she replies, he turns to look at her, a little blush covers her cheeks.

"Then you would have been in London for the season this year" he asks, wondering if he had ever crossed paths with her.

"I have never been to London," she replies. "Though, I have heard it is exquisite."

An Eighteen year-old who has never seen London. "Then you must have an arranged marriage with a local man. I hope that is going well for you"

There is a pause between his statement and her reply. "My father does not have time to threat over my marital arrangements"

He is shocked, he had not heard of such a scandalous thing in his life. He feels sorry for her. Puzzled, he leads her into the living room where she gently sits down on a sofa he desperately hopes is not dusty. When no little particles rise to meet the sun he assumes he is safe. "I assume you'd like one of these biscuits" he asks her, turning around to place them on the small, delicately decorated table. When he turned around she'd moved, as quietly as a mouse, to the fireplace. Her dress was so close to the flames. Y/N's attention does not seem to be upon the fire though but more towards the painting placed above him. 

"This is not an appropriate place for such a lovely painting." she turns to him. Instinctively he walks up beside her, looking at the painting. "The heat will ruin the watercolour" 

There's a pout on her lips, this was obviously something she was very passionate about. "This is Thomas Girtin" she comments, reaching out and ghosting the frame of the painting with her fingers, above her finger is the signature of this Thomas Girtin. "It is a rare and expensive piece."

Taehyung is no longer staring at the painting but rather at her. He was surprised at her confidence to come into a strangers house and advise them on both the placement of their paintings and the stupidly of it. He smirks. "I'll have it moved at soon as possible, Miss Y/N. I am sure it will look a lot nicer in your premises"

"No, sir" she exclaims, stepping back from the painting and turning to look at him. "That is not what my intentions were when telling you about this piece."

"Perhaps it will persuade you to bring me more of those biscuits," Taehyung replies. He thought of his moment on the chair earlier, when he had the small epiphany of the freedom this house would bring him, how he could get away with anything. He places a hand on the small of her back and leads her back towards the front door. Grabbing two biscuits on his way past and passing one to her. With the hand on her back, she seems to have silenced a bit. "It's nearly dark, I would like to walk you back across the brook." 

"You do too much, Sir. I grew up here. I know quite well my way across the brook" Y/N defends. Taehyung is adamant as he places his boots on, and his overcoat. 

"So did I. I insist" he replies. "I left only 10 years ago, at your age. I'm sure I will find my way back quite safely." She doesn't reply, just stands in front of him with her arms crossed. "If you'd had a season in London you'd know well this is what a true gentleman is supposed to do." 

She blushes at the mention of a season in London. It only gives Taehyung an inflated feeling of power. It is clear that this young woman had no idea how to navigate herself around men, or perhaps other humans. She was as isolated as he was when he had lived in this place. He felt an unwelcome feeling of wanting to show her everything.

*** 

Taehyung had, clearly, known his way around the grounds of both his and your land. As he left you at the bottom of the steps to your mansion, offering you a little smile and a wave as you climbed the steps, he had mentioned something about the biscuits running out soon, his maid had family and once he had shared with them, he'd need more in at least two days' time. You reached the top, turning to see if he'd moved away, he had not. He bows and you curtsy before you slip into the warmth of your home.

As soon as you close the door you place your back against it, as if to block him out. That was not what you had imagined him to look like, you had expected a man in his early forties, perhaps a similar age to your father. You had not expected a young man, a man who's waistcoat fit snugly around his figure, a man who had beautiful fluffy hair. With eyes as dark as the chocolate you so rarely had. Your heart had been beating too fast the whole time you were there, that's what happened to all the women in the books you read when they loved someone, but surely that was over dramatic? Too soon? You wished you had someone to ask but it was just you and your father here now and you doubted he had the answer to this. 

The real problem did not lie in your beating heart, nor in the new strange emotion you felt but rather in the fact that when he had asked you if you'd bring more biscuits, you'd said you could bring some the very next day. And after all of that, you hadn't asked him a single question about London. Sighing, you make sure your door is locked before heading up to your chamber. The rest of the house is dead quiet, you can’t bring yourself to care anyways. You didn’t particularly want to see your father. You'd get up early in the morning and make more biscuits.

***

When Taehyung woke up the next morning he realised two things.

that it would be rude of him to not go introduce himself to Y/N's father, they were neighbors now after all.

that he had some very interesting dreams last night and the majority of them involved Y/N. He had woken up with a very prominent erection. He would need to see her again and soon.

He sat up in bed, having disregarded the bedclothes last night. He was alone, it wasn't like there was a risk of being indecent, plus he'd needed to touch himself. Taehyung could see his reflection in the mirror opposite the bed. Whilst looking at himself he wonders if she'd be able to handle the size of him. He places his hand around his dick, dragging it up and down in a loose grip- pretending his hand is Y/N. He assumes she is a virgin - only tightening his grip with this thought. He tries to imagine how she'd sound, but that's something he won't be able to tell until the moment comes, he would make that moment happen, he'd do anything to insure it. What would he have to do, and to what extent, to make Y/N his? The movement of his hand along his dick is almost painful now. Balls tightening more and more with every thrust his hips make into his hand. He cums, shooting white liquid up his stomach. It runs through the valley of his abdominal muscles like a river between two mountains. He would never look at Y/N the same again. In less than an hour he would be introducing himself to her father with the traces of his cum on his stomach the thought of it oddly turned him on. Instead, he headed for the bathroom where he would wash it off. There were times for such things and they weren't for when he was introducing himself to an elder.

***  

An hour after you'd baked the biscuits you were standing in your chamber, paintbrush between your teeth, painting a figure into one of your old landscape photos of the house across the brook. You hated to admit that the figure was Taehyung, but it only made sense, you hadn't stopped thinking of him.

You step back from the painting, wondering what it was that was missing exactly. There was Taehyung in his blue overcoat as he had been yesterday. It doesn’t seem enough. You can hardly tell it's him in the picture but if you had studied his figure, as you had plenty of times in the hour you had with him, you would know it was him.

There's a knocking at the door downstairs, it echoes around the whole mansion like the chiming of bells. Climbing over the pots and brushes you have thrown across your room, you hang your head from the open window. From this angle you can't see the front door but you can see the carriage drive. It's empty. Who would visit who didn't have a carriage?

Not caring much about your paint splattered dress you step from your room. Vaguely aware of the paint on your face, you choose to ignore it as you race down the stairs. At the door is your father, who is just opening it as you make it to the landing. However you're much more interested in what's behind the door. Your father obviously doesn't connect the dots as he sees the young man standing at the top of your steps. You, however, become much more worried about the current state of your appearance. "Good morning sir, I'm Kim Taehyung" 

Your father stares at him blankly as Taehyung offers his hand to shake. "The new gentleman across the brook?" He asks. Nodding Taehyung smiles at your father, perfectly white teeth on show. From where you're standing he can't seem to see you. You debate running back upstairs before your father lets him in. But you're too late, your father's shaking his hand and pulling him through the door at the same time. There's no hiding now. "My God Y/N!" your father exclaims at seeing you. "I told you not to wear such disgraceful garments out of your room! you'll have to excuse her" he turns to Taehyung, "she's not very well socialised."

You blush, Taehyung must notice you backing away. "It's really not a worry sir, I am already acquaintances with your daughter, she brought me biscuits yesterday evening, I suppose under your instructions"

If your father was to take credit for your ideas, you would have cried, instead your father explodes "I did not advise such an act! I apologise for her rogue mannerisms." You knew he had not been listening to you yesterday. As the pair walk past the bottom of the stairs, therefore past you, Taehyung rolls his eyes and then winks at you. 

"I very much enjoyed the biscuits" he announces, it's a response to your father, but he's looking at you as he says it. Tickling erupts on the inside of your stomach. You place a hand on it, having never felt this feeling before. Taehyung watches your hand as it lands on your abdomen. You don't understand why but he's smirking as he follows your father into the study. It dawns upon you that you do not have a great understanding of the outside world nor the feelings that Taehyung has brung with it. The two men disappear behind the study door, and you run over to place your ear to the key-hole.

“Does she paint?” he asks your father, why this isn’t a question he can just ask you is unbeknownst to you.

“I believe so” your father mumbles, the topic of his daughter seems to put him in a foul mood.

“You believe so?” Taehyung sounds upset, as if the response he had received wasn’t enough.

“There becomes a stage in a man's life when he stops caring about the women around him. He stops caring about silly things like paintings. You understand me don’t you.”

“I don’t believe I do, sir,” Taehyung replies. There's a harshness to his voice you had yet to have heard. You bring a hand up to cover the huff of surprise your mouth admits. If you were to talk back to your father like that you’d be slapped and denied food for a day. When your father doesn’t reply Taehyung continues. “I would like to view her paintings if you would permit it.”

“Of course,” Your father replies, annoyed. Then he asks Taehyung a question using so many business words you give up trying to listen to their conversation and focus more, or panic more, on the fact Taehyung was coming to view your paintings. There seems to be no other option than to sprint up the stairs and at least try to tidy it up a little. 

You’re in the middle of stuffing an old awful painting under your bed when the door knocks. “Give me a moment father and I’ll be out!” you shout, trying to be oblivious after eavesdropping.

“It’s Taehyung,” he replies. “May I come in”

You pause before answering. You could probably tell him to go away and he would. “Oh! Come in!” You’re up from under your bed now. Currently the main painting on display was the one with him in, you figured that he wouldn’t have looked in a mirror long enough to tell that it was his figure anyway. It was still slightly embarrassing. The door knob twisted and he filled the doorway with his figure.

“This is your chamber and workroom?!” was the first thing he asked, you blush, embarrassed both with the fact he was in the only place you stood naked each night, and that he was judging your way of life.

“It’s not ideal.” you reply, deciding to go for the truth. “I tried painting in the parlor but father was not best pleased.”

He nods his head but doesn’t reply to you, beginning to walk around your room of paintings. Wildflowers. Your father at his desk. A deer in snow. The view of the fields beyond from your window. You're shaking. Stopping at the painting you were most dreading, he tilts his head.

“Are they...” he pauses and his lip curves to the side, “kissing?”

"Um" you begin. "Is it off?" no longer caring that it's him and more concerned with your painting. "Her neck is at the wrong angle isn't it!" you exclaim, you're next to him now contemplating the painting together, as you had done with the portrait over his fireplace. This had been one of your very first paintings of people, you’d read from a men's guide to kissing that you had brought from one of the second hand stores in the town. It was the best you could do, you’d never seen two people kiss before. 

Taehyung moves on from that painting to the next, your most recent painting, the one with him in it. You daren’t look at him to see his reaction, instead you wipe a little paint off the bottom of the frame, hoping to distract him from, well, himself.

“I like this one” he smiles, “though I think it's missing something”

You’re too scared to reply to him so instead you just nod your head. It’s funny how he thought the same as you. “You capture the house really well, and the blue of my coat.”

Hands shaking you go to apologise to him. It wasn’t fair of you to paint him without his permission, but he’s moving back to the kissing scene again. Following behind him like a shadow you both end up staring at the painting. You’re aware of him looking at you from the corner of his eye. Your breath catches in your throat. Down the stairs you can hear your father moving about in his study. The rest of the house seems to be in an anxious science, holding its breath, as if it expects something to happen. Do you expect something to happen? He fully turns to you, his focus no longer on the painting, placing one of his hands on your shoulder. Your body freezes, though warmth spreads down your arm and into your body where his hand touches your dress. “Taehyung?” you're aware that your voice sounds so quiet in the greatness of the room. 

He pushes your shoulder slightly so you’re facing him. The whole room blurs and it's only him that you can see. He's like an angel sent from God, his bright light blinds you. “I could show you, Y/N”

Show you what? There's so much in this world that you want to see, want to experience. “Show me what?” you ask him, your brain is too innocent, too behind to pick up on what Taehyung really means. 

“How to kiss, then after that” he pauses, looking at his small figure in the picture behind you. “I could show you anything” lessening the grip he has on your shoulders. You feel no pressure in your answer, you could say no, he’s so close to you. 

“I’d like that” you reply, your mouth staying slightly agape at the eagerness in your tone, you hadn’t realised you were so keen. Smiling, Taehyung brings his thumb up to his mouth, he runs it between his lips, as if to wet them with his spit, then he’s bringing it to your face. This wasn’t how you imagined a kiss to be and, instinctively, step back. 

“Don’t worry Y/N, this isn’t a kiss, I am wiping paint off your cheek” his thumb makes contact with your skin and a blush rushes up to your cheeks. Why were you so responsive to his touch? “I won’t kiss you today”

Your lip sticks out in immediate disappointment, “I want you to think on it more” he admits. “You only get one first kiss.” 

“How long do I have to think about it?” you ask, you were hit by the insufferable feeling of being so naïve, so behind where you should be in the experience of your life, that it was embarrassing. You’re sure a kiss will solve this. You’re sure Taehyung will solve this.

“Tomorrow” he has removed his thumb from your cheek now, but his other hand is caressing your face. He runs slow circles between your eye and your hair and, nature guiding you, you lean into his touch further. This, you realise, is what intimacy was. You had once read the definition in a dictionary

close familiarity or friendship.

When you had first read it, you had realised that you had never had any intimacy with anyone. It was as foreign to you as flying was to a dog, or walking was to a baby. Your eyes are wide in shock, your legs only just holding your weight up. Taehyung is smiling at you softly when he removes his hand. Your body is as attached to this area of your floor as a tree to soil. “I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow” he steps over a paint brush and pot, you want to stop him but your tongue has been stolen from you. He’s at your door now, pulling it shut behind him. He’s hidden behind the near closed door when he softly says “I’ll show you everything, Y/N”

Then he’s gone. 

You hear the front door shut. 

Without his biscuits. 

thank you for reading!

#kim taehyung #kim taehyung smut #taehyung #taehyung smut #bts #bts smut #bts kth #kth smut

[luaspersona]

Snow Flower | kth (m)

pairing ↠ himbo!taehyung x reader (f. reader)

genre ↠ college!au; holiday!au; smut; humor; fluff; strangers to almost lovers to idiots to lovers; one-shot.

summary ↠ after making some terrible memories together, Taehyung wants nothing more than to never see you again; and he was pretty much succeeding — until he finds himself having to spend Christmas alone with you in the middle of nowhere.

rating ↠ +18

warnings ↠ taehyung is bi y’all; alcohol consumption; sexual tension; taehyung is a menace but he’s also stupid; some religious jokes are made; some kink shaming (tae is lowkey offended by furry kink?? idek); minor accident; very minor parent issues (this is really in the background, but i was going through stuff and writing it helped); a bunch of Christmas movies talk; taehyung is scared of grinch lol (i'm serious 💀); second hand embarrassment; pov switch; explicit smut (the warnings are long as fuck, so beware).

smut warnings 👀↠ mentions of anal; masturbation; orgasm denial; orgasm control; a whole lot of teasing; edging; dirty talk; pet names; soft dom!taehyung; switch!reader; fingering; light pussy slapping; nipple play; oral (f. and m. receiving); choking on cock; tae has a huge dick ‘cus it’s christmas and we deserve it; unprotected sex (pls don't do it. this is unhinged fiction); praise kink; marking; biting; light spanking; a splash of degradation (he calls reader a slut once); reader has sensitive thighs; tae has stamina for days; so much begging; a bit of overstimulation 'cus taehyung is a man on a mission; multiple orgasms; squirting; creampie; cum eating; it’s rough but it’s also super silly; they joke during sex, it's ridiculous; aftercare.

teaser ↠ (wc:0.8k) read it before to make sure this is for you ♡

word count ↠ 22k (7.5k are just smut y'all, i went off 🥴)

estimated reading time ↠ 60 minutes

note ↠ just wanna come out and say that i listened to mistletoe an unhealthy amount of times to get into the mood to write this and i think i’m damaged for life. also, i know it’s march lol, but i went through some shit™️ while writing this and it took some time to get back on track. to be honest, i almost gave up on this fic at least once a week, and it was hard as fuck to finish it. i struggled a lot with the plot until i was actually satisfied, but i'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

note² ↠ if this fic is finished, i have to thank @uarmymoonlight for lowkey bullying me into seeing this story through, always ready to motivate and help me brainstorm and fix plot points. you know i love you, and i hope you get a himbo to yourself one day. also wanna thank @vsualitae for being such a sweet listener, and for helping me through writer's block. you’re amazing, and i will cherish you forever, please don't give up on me because i'm terrible at replying.

note³ ↠ thank you again for @imakeamess for the amazing banner!

playlist ↠ this is what i think reader and tae’s playlist would look like

navigation | masterlist | permanent taglist | tell me your thoughts ♡

Jungkook suffering a car accident two days before Christmas was honestly so damn selfish of him.

It took five whole weeks of mature conversations (read: Jungkook calling Taehyung a pathetic little baby before resorting to messaging Taehyung’s mom) to convince Taehyung to go on this stupid Christmas trip to the middle of nowhere, only for Jungkook to think it’d be funny to drive his shit ass car straight against a light pole barely five minutes out of Soojin's dorm parking lot.

“You won’t be alone with her,” the asshole promised “Soojin and I will be there too”.

On top of that, Jungkook had the nerve to first go through a bunch of x-rays and cat scans before letting you and Taehyung — already settled in the shit chalet Soojin rented — know that him and Soojin would have to wait the 26th for the next bus to the hell hole that they mistook as a city, because no one in their right minds would willingly come here.

Well, of course Taehyung should’ve known that there was no way he could spend time in the same environment as you without wanting to kill himself: with or without Jungkook and Soojin, being reminded of your existence makes Taehyung feel nothing but nausea.

…

Ok, maybe he should rephrase that.

It’s not that he hates you, or anything. In fact, when Taehyung met you, hate was pretty much the opposite of what he was feeling. That night, in the frat’s living room, surrounded by dozens of other bodies as you danced to a song so loud he couldn’t even recognize, Taehyung swore you were the hottest, most sensual person he had ever seen.

It was one of the first times Taehyung went completely sober to a frat party, the only alcohol in his lips being the one he sucked straight out of your tongue. The choice of going teetotal had to do with the terrible lunch he made earlier that day that still rumbled in his stomach as he kissed down your chest (quick unrelated question: how much mayonnaise are you supposed to use in the pudding recipe to replace heavy whipping cream?).

Naturally, he couldn’t have thrown up before he went to the party — no, no, his stomach had to wait until you were straddling and grinding on him in one of the house’s empty bedrooms to push his excuse of a dessert out of his mouth.

Taehyung was pretty damn good at making up excuses to avoid people he slept with. But with you? He barely saw your tits and no fucking excuses were needed.

It took around two months for him to find his will to live again, and things started to go back to normal — until Jungkook started to date Soojin, that is. Don’t get him wrong, Taehyung loves Soojin and how she makes Jungkook happy and all that bullshit, he just hates the fact that she also happens to be your roommate.

[10:36] taehyung: jungkook how could u

[10:37] taehyung: i can’t believe u right now, istg

[10:37] taehyung: u could’ve come by bus with me, but nooooo

[10:37] taehyung: u absolutely HAD to suffer a fucking accident now, didn’t u??

[10:38] taehyung: i’ll never leave this room

[10:38] taehyung: if i don't die of shame before u are arrive, u are dead to me

[typing] taehyung: btw F for u and all, hope your leg’s fine, i lov

A loud thud startles Taehyung, making him drop his phone on the bed.

He waits a second to make sure his heart is still beating before slowly getting up and leaving his room. He steps around some bags placed on the floor near your chosen bedroom to reach the open front door.

Taehyung first notices your car parked near the house with the trunk open, before his eyes descend to your sprawled form on the icy ground, your head snapping up when he calls your name with a confused frown.

“Oh. Hi, Taehyung.”

“Wait, that sound was you slipping? Shit, you ok? Can you get up?”

“Yeah!” You assure, before he can cross the threshold. “Yes, don’t worry.”

You shift on the ground, but as soon as you place your hands behind you for leverage, your face turns into a grimace.

“Fuck”.

“What?”

You don’t answer, instead trying to find different ways to get up while avoiding moving your left arm, and failing adorably every time as the thickness of your clothes restrains your movements.

“Ok, maybe I can’t get up.” You slump back, sighing. 

He closes his coat and changes from his slippers quickly, sidestepping the frozen paths to make his way to you.

When Taehyung crouches by your side he is taken by a sudden urge to swallow his fist. As if the whole situation wasn’t already perfect, you simply had to become even prettier than the last time he saw you. Are you some kinda wine or something? Why the hell you gotta be so gorgeous for?

“Should I…” he starts “uhm, sorry, can I touch you?” Has his voice always been this high?

You nod, and Taehyung automatically starts to rub his hands together.

“What you doing?”

“My hands are cold.”

“I’m… laying on ice.” Your face softens with amusement.

He pauses.

“Right.”

He grabs your upper arms and helps you to your feet, stepping away as soon as you’re standing. 

“Thanks.”

You take your hand to your upper arm briefly, letting out a low hiss.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, think I hit my shoulder.”

“That sucks for you… damn.” He eloquently says.

You glance back at your car, slowly walking back to it. Taehyung assumes you’re going to close the trunk, but when you lean to secure a bag he calls for you once again.

“What you doing?”

“There’s more stuff to take.”

“What? You’ll hurt your shoulder.”

“Did that already.”

“Stop that, let me do it.”

“No, it’s—” you look at the luggage in front of you when he comes to your side “it’s kinda heavy.”

Taehyung chuckles through his shattered ego.

“I can manhandle just fine.” He cringes as soon as he says it.

“... Right.” You clear your throat. “I got Soojin’s stuff too, and I’m pretty sure Jungkook put some of his shit in before I closed it.”

Your roommate’s name rings some bells in Taehyung’s head, and he realizes that this is the longest you two have talked since he… well, y’all know it by now, no need to keep remembering.

“Just tell me where you want them.” 

You reluctantly step away from the car, and Taehyung takes a deep breath: he can’t afford to further embarrass himself in front of you, and maybe it’ll be a good opportunity to make some new, healthier, memories with you.

There are only two things that could explain why Taehyung’s forehead vein is almost popping from carrying a few bags and boxes for less than ten minutes.

First: he should consider finding the fastest way out of here because you brought bodies for a Christmas trip.

But then, this isn't really fair because he sure never had problems handling some bodies before.

…

Shit, that came out terrible. Just to be clear: he means in sex.

Which brings him to the second possible explanation: Taehyung should probably start tagging along Jungkook to the gym, because holy fuck why are things foggy?

The worst, of course, is that you’re watching him, and there’s only so much panting someone can get away with without sounding on the verge of death, so Taehyung does his best to swallow his grunts as he crosses the living room to drop a bag near your bedroom door.

“Taehyung?” You ask, and wow. You look so pretty surrounded by little white spots. Who would’ve thought.

“Yeah.” He gasps.

“You ok?”

“Absolutely! Why you ask?” His laugh sounds more like asthmatic breathing than anything else.

He blinks a few times to try and see you with some definition, and he's like, 63% sure you just furrowed your brows.

“The last thing is Soojin’s gift to Jungkook, so you can leave it there and I’ll help you get it later.”

“What? I got everything else already, it’s fine.”

“Yeah, and thank you for it, but—”

“Really, no sweat. Where?” 

You consider him for a second, sighing when you point to the spot between the window and the fireplace.

“Can you place it there?”

Taehyung nods before he returns outside, carefully making his way to the car and sitting on the open trunk as soon as you’re out of view.

He can't pass out. He looked it up before and changing names is way too expensive.

So, instead, he turns to the last thing you brought: a large box, enveloped in a wrapping paper so ugly he immediately knows Jungkook chose it. He adjusts himself to grab it, but almost sobs as he realizes it’s the heaviest yet.

He takes a deep breath and secures it in his hold, sprinting back inside, blessed enough not to fall (because the universe couldn’t possibly be that cruel). He rushes to the spot you indicated and sets the box down, unable to prevent the most ridiculous little whimper to leave his lips.

“... Taehyung.”

“Again, I’m fine, it was pretty light actually.” He says, but inhales so loud that he’s sure he sucked all the room's air.

“That was a drum set you just carried.”

“... what.”

“Soojin bought Jungkook a drum set. I think it weighs about 55kg.” You explain, biting back a smile.

“Well. As I said, no biggie.” Please don’t faint. Please don’t faint. Please don’t faint. “How’s your shoulder?”

“Oh. Kinda sore, but I'm fine.”

“Great.” He slowly gets up, swinging to his room. “I’ll go uh, unpack.”

If you say anything after that, Taehyung doesn't hear it, closing the door to his room and crashing onto the bed. He spreads his arms wide and lets out a long, tortuous breath.

He allows his body to relax for a second, dazedly looking up. He’s not sure if his vision is now compromised, if he’s about to pass out or if there’s mold in the room’s ceiling.

Hum.

The price of this place starts to make more sense by the second.

A notification draws his attention to his phone beside him. 

[10:58] kookie: just try not to puke on her and you’ll be fine (;

Here’s something people don’t tell you about fuckboys: they are often really lonely and depressed.

…

Oh, no— not Taehyung, though, he’s just fine. 

He enjoys the simplicity of getting his dick wet and the minimal brain power it takes to flirt.

Besides, people say love makes you stupid and Taehyung promised Jungkook he’d try to be less of that. So yeah, he likes to cuddle and maybe do some of that stupid corny shit sometimes, but as soon as the knot in his stomach starts to feel a hell lot like butterflies he’s dipping out. 

The sound of your door closing across the hall snaps him out of his mind. Fucking finally!

Jumping out of his bed, Taehyung furtively exits his room, dragging his feet towards the kitchen. It takes around ten minutes of opening and digging into cabinets for him to remember Soojin was the one assigned with bringing the food.

He opens the fridge, hopeful that maybe the host left something before vacating the house, but he’s met with nothing but a half empty milk bottle (that looks a hell of a lot like yogurt when he shakes it, and even he knows that’s not a good sign) and an unopened beer can.

He rubs his chin, considering his options, but starving or walking on an empty stomach under negative temperatures feels like a whole new level of dumb and he sure doesn’t wanna die with dry ass lips. So, alternatively, after a quick second of quietly and tearlessly sobbing, Taehyung brings himself to knock on your bedroom door.

When you open it he— wait, were you going to sleep? The puffiness around your cheeks and the way you lazily look at him makes Taehyung think so. Also, there’s the fact you’re wearing a pajama set, cute little bears drawn all over your legs.

“Taehyung?” He snaps his eyes up.

“Uh, the nearest town is an hour away on foot.” He blurts, gulping at the way his name sounded laced in your raspy I’ve just woken up voice.

You frown.

“... right?”

He clears his throat; tries again.

“Soojin was supposed to bring the food, so there’s nothing for us to eat. I would grab something, but I think she booked a place near Earth’s butthole, ‘cus there’s nothing close.” You chuckle. Wait, you just… chuckled? Oh god, that must mean you think he's funny!, does that mean you think he's funny oh and your smile damn he feels like that's the first time he's seen your smile quick say something funnier oh wait, not— “But nothing like a good Christmas anal, right?”

Shit.

You open your mouth to say something, but he doesn’t wait for you to react before adding, “sorry. I don’t know why I said that, I mean,” he snickers nervously “only crazy people do anal.” You close your mouth immediately, and Taehyung fights the urge to cry — the fuck is he saying? “I mean, that’s not— I don’t, uhm— I do anal all the time!” He can't tell if he's laughing or crying at this point. “Oh my god, I—”

“Taehyung?” He promptly shuts up. “I think I got it.” Your tone is teasing, but he doesn’t dare meet your eyes as heat creeps up his neck.

“Sorry.”

“What were you saying before? About the food?”

“Right!” He lets out a relieved sigh, shaking his head to try and remember what he was saying before deeming it important for you to know he does anal. “We don’t have any food so… would you mind uhm, driving me to go grocery shopping?”

“It’s not like I have any choice, right?” You let out a little laugh and oh, my god, he hopes that was just a terrible attempt at a joke. “Let me just change real quick, then we can go.”

“Ok.”

He turns back to his room before you even have time to close your door.

It takes around two minutes of screaming into his pillow for the embarrassment to die down. When he starts to change into more presentable clothes, Taehyung tries to remember where the fuck he dropped his brains before this trip.

The shithole Soojin rented is around twenty minutes from town, and Taehyung spends each one of them in pure agony.

Despite the fact that you were very comfortable, idly checking out the landscapes as your fingers tapped against the steering wheel leather, Taehyung was sure that you were seconds away from jumping out of the car to free yourself from the torture of his company. He couldn't stop wondering if he was breathing too loud, but his attempts to hold his breath quickly backfired when you kept asking why he was turning purple beside you. 

Overall? Safe to say this weekend will be great!

Trying to get out of his head, he spots a convenience store a couple streets into town. 

When he sets foot out of the car, Taehyung is glad you parked right in front, because holy shit, is cold as fuck. He wraps the coat tighter around him, but his shivering only stops after he steps into the establishment’s heating.

The place has only three aisles, barely stocked. A few fluorescent lamps cast the room in faint, clinical lightning and Taehyung spots a little fake Christmas tree over the counter. If art is about eliciting a reaction, whoever was responsible for decorating the place is a hell of an artist, because Taehyung feels immediately depressed.

You, on the other hand, don't seem bothered. In fact, you quietly take in the environment, and Taehyung anxiety goes nuts, ‘cus if you are not talking, then he has no clue of what you’re thinking and what you’re thinking scares the shit outta him.

His eyes travel around the shelves in an attempt to find something he can comment on, quickly grabbing a mini reindeer ornament kit while you set your purse between your knees to remove your thicker clothing.

“Hey, check this. Don’t know why people buy shit like that, it's not like reindeers even exist.”

He turns to you after laughing in the most ridiculous, unnatural way, but his smile drops immediately when he catches you folding your coat in your hands as a large — and corny as fuck — reindeer head stares back at him from your sweater.

You know what? He’s gonna own his shit talking ability as a talent, because it takes effort to be this clueless.

You look at him, bottom lip jutting out slightly before your gaze drops to your sweater.

“Damn, I’m sorry. Actually, I think reindeers are really cute, and it’s not like Santa is real anyway either.”

You frown “Taehyung?”

“Huh?”

“Are you serious?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know reindeers are real, right?”

“No, they are not. What you saying?” His brows knit together in his forehead. Your lips curve up in a smile before you start chuckling. He lets out a relieved sigh. “I knew you were just messing with me. Almost got me there.”

You shake your head as you keep laughing, but… wait— holy shit, reindeers are fucking real?! But what about the whole flying thing?

…

Well, damn.

On second thought, Taehyung should definitely be more scared of opening his mouth than he is of silence.

Your laughter melts into a large smile, before you glance around. 

“Should we eat first?” You suggest, pointing to some tables near the large picture windows at front.

“Sure.” He agrees, still kinda thrown off.

You go to the cashier, asking for a menu. “What should we get?”

“Anything quick.”

“Ok. You good with ramen?” He nods and you order two bowls.

It takes no longer than five minutes for the server to bring the steaming instant food to your table.

Here’s another thing Taehyung’s just realized: keeping your mouth shut is a hell of a lot easier when your whole vision of life has just been challenged. What else is real?!

“God, this looks awful.” Your voice cuts through his existential crisis, eyes trained on the street outside the window.

“Huh?”

“There’s almost no one around and barely any decoration. Doesn’t even look like Christmas.”

“I mean, if I lived here I’d want to get the hell out for the holidays too, so.” Good! That was civilized. 

“Fair”, you grant.

You tilt the bowl back a bit to drink some of the broth, giggling to yourself when you set it on the table again. “Have you ever wondered what Whoville would look like if Grinch had actually stolen Christmas?” 

“What?”

“Like the Jim Carrey movie?” He nods, and you go on. “He wanted to ruin the town's Christmas spirit and shit. I think this town is what would happen if he succeeded.”

“I hate that movie.”

“Why?” You frown, but you still have a soft smile on your lips and Taehyung feels encouraged.

“A big green furry guy that uses onions as deodorant and commits arson? How the fuck is that a kid’s movie? I’m pretty sure anyone who likes Grinch is into furry or something” he snickers, “don’t know how that kinky shit can get people into their Christmas spirit.”

“You being hella judgy for someone who just found out reindeers are a thing.” You scoff.

Taehyung's smile drops.

“You… like Grinch?”

“It’s a classic, of course I like it!”

Taehyung groans, but the way your teeth nibble at your lip to hold back a smile makes him hesitate.

“Are you offended?”

“Fuck yeah, I am.” You’re so blatantly amused that even Taehyung could’t miss it — and he can’t help but open a large, boxy smile at your teasing.

“Damn, I’ve been saying all kinds of deranged shit the whole day, and Grinch is what gets to you?”

“It was all shits and giggles until you decided to come for my holiday movie.”

“Your holiday movie? Shit, all I’m hearing is you not denying your furry kink.”

You gape at him, “I do not have a furry kink! Grinch has a very important message and is a very nice, sweet Christmas story.”

“Except it’s terrifying and kinky as fuck,” your playfull pout earns a chuckle out of Taehyung “sorry to be the one to ruin your Christmas spirit, but it kinda feels like I did you a favour.” 

“You have no place to say it.”

“Oh?”

“Ain’t your Christmas about anal or some shit?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, what about it?”

“How’s that a better way to get into your Christmas spirit?”

“Well,” he smirks “maybe you should try and see for yourself.”

You dismiss him with a laugh, and Taehyung feels something melting inside. Jesus fuck, what an infatuating sound.

Shaking your head, you finish the rest of you ramen before breaking the now comfortable silence between you.

“No, but for real. How do you do it?”

Taehyung frowns — but who is he to deny such information?

“I mean… if you must know, most people think you should start with pegging, but I think—”

“No! Why would I ask you about anal?” Oh my god, Taehyung needs to keep saying weird shit so you keep laughing like that.

“Of course, sorry, you know your stuff.”

“Maybe we should stop talking about anal.”

“You brought it up, just outright shaming me.”

“Ok, fair. My bad.”

He smiles, “what you wanna know?”

“How do you get into your holiday spirit?”

Taehyung slurps on his ramen before replying “uhm. I dunno if there’s a ritual or anything.”

“Like, when do you start to feel like it’s Christmas?”

“Usually when I get home.” Taehyung shrugs, but when his eyes meet yours and find an expectant glimmer swimming in your gaze, he makes an effort to think about it. “But it fully hits when me and my sister decorate the tree or when my mum bakes cookies.”

“That seems nice.”

“My birthday is on the 30th though, so I guess it’s kinda natural to me in a way.”

“Huh. So you’re almost Jesus.”

“Now, that’s something I’ve never heard before.” He chuckles.

“Too sinful?” You taunt, and he bites.

“Something like that. Wouldn’t pass being nailed in a cross, though.”

“Holy shit.” Your laugh sends a smile to his face. “Don’t even know what to say to that.”

“Didn’t he die so we could sin? Just doing my part.”

“Pretty sure that wasn’t it.” You shake your head, groaning dramatically. “You gonna ruin Christmas for me if you keep this up.”

“Let’s be real here, Soojin’s to blame too for renting the serial killer shack. You can’t get into the holiday spirit when your place is full of very suspicious wine stains.”

“That's fair,” you allow. “When she told me she rented a secluded little place for us to spend the winter break, I fully expected some fancy cottage like the one from The Holiday.”

“The Kate Winslet’s one?” 

“Yes!”

“Yeah, we definitely don’t have that kinda budget. Jungkook spends too much on mattresses anyway,”

“What—”

“— besides, if this is a movie, it looks more like one of those big morality ones.”

“How so?”

“One of us is super greedy and presumptuous, so this is the universe’s attempt at humbling us.”

“Sending us to spend Christmas without our friends in a shitty place in a shitty town?”

“Clearly.” 

“I mean, I’m a Literature major, it's not like I'll make any money.”

“Yeah, I’m in History, so.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I went to a regency themed party once and everyone looked so fine.” 

“You chose your major for aesthetics?”

“What else is there to consider?”

You smile.

“And how's that going for you?”

“Three years in, not one costume party yet and my Duke attire is just gathering dust, so not great.”

“Maybe you should consider Fashion. I thought that was your major.”

“Yeah?” He pauses, considering it. “That's nice to know.” You smile and he taps his bottom lip. “But if it ain’t that kinda Christmas movie, what kind is it?”

You both ponder for a moment, before your attention returns to him, a mischievous edge to your eyes.

“Maybe it’s one of those we’re supposed to face our shit. Like the weird stuff we did in the past.”

Now, he knows you’re trying to imply something — but what? That he shouldn’t have run from you when he puked on you? ‘Cus that ain’t reasonable.

Ugh. Taehyung hates when people talk in riddles, he’s way too pretty for that.

“Maybe” he concedes, grabbing both of your bowls and getting up to throw them in the nearby trash.

He hears the small chuckle you let out, before you make your way to the door to grab a basket from a pile beside it.

Taehyung and you fall into peaceful conversation while roaming the few aisles in the store, and as the basket grows fuller, he wonders what he was shitting his pants for. Like what, he actually thought you’d just outright mention that day? You’re not cruel. 

“It’s been a while since I went grocery shopping. Soojin usually buys for the two of us.” You say, grabbing some cookies from a shelf.

“I do it every week because Jungkook hates sharing food. He lost his shit once because I used all of his mayo.”

“All of his mayo? The hell kinda recipe you were making?”

…

You actually got pretty familiar with it.

“The food poisoning type.” When you laugh, he pretends that he's joking. 

You finally reach the frozen section, eyes inspecting the different meat cuts available.

“What do you usually have for Christmas dinner?”

“My mom likes to make bulgogi and kimchi. Nothing special.” He shrugs. “What about you?”

You hesitate.

“Have you seen Home Alone?” 

Taehyung scoffs.

“What you take me for?” 

“Do you remember the mac n’ cheese scene?”

“Mhmm.”

“I’ve always wanted to have that for Christmas.” You purse your lips. “How do you fancy some bulgogi with mac n’ cheese?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

You smile. “Budget Christmas supper.”

“Just how Jesus would like it.”

“Stop saying shit like that, Taehyung. It's the man's birthday, have some respect.”

“It’s about humility.” He rolls his eyes playfully. “Having a dirty mind is also a sin, you know.”

“Yeah, you’d know that.”

“Just spreading the word. You’re the sinner here.”

You level his gaze, a challenging smile tracing your face.

“Does that mean I won’t get presents this year? Have I not been a good girl?”

Ha.

No, you didn't just say that — his last brain cell just imagined it. 

God, please don't say anything about being naughty. 

He exhales quietly, opting for an easy out. 

“If Soojin bought Jungkook a whole ass drum kit but got you nothing, then you should reconsider your friendship. Chicks before dicks or whatever.”

“I already accepted that Jungkook won. At this point I’m just the girl she shares rent with.”

“Well, I haven’t accepted shit. You please tell your rent sharer that Jungkook is mine.”

“You should tell him that, too. I’m afraid he might’ve forgotten.”

Taehyung whines. 

“You don't have to say it.”

“Sorry, I’ll let you live in denial.” Your attention returns to the refrigerator, choosing a package of beef and placing it in the basket. “What about you get us something for breakfast and I figure out our dinner today?”

Taehyung nods, walking down the next aisle. He picks up what he deems necessary not to starve the next few days and secures a mediocre wine bottle on the way before he follows you to pay for everything.

Once outside, Taehyung opens the backseat door and starts to place the groceries there, but you don’t make a move to enter the car when he’s done.

He calls you, and when you turn to him, he finds a large, beaming smile plastered on your face. You point down the street where a decaying sign announces a Christmas tree lot sale.

Taehyung shakes his head, shivering as he rubs his hands together.

“No, c’mon. They probably just have those really ugly scrawny ones.” The way your smile immediately falters makes Taehyung feel like complete shit, so he strides to your side and adds, as convincing as possible: “but! We might be lucky! It’s a small town, so they probably didn’t sell that much to begin with.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek.

“You think so?”

“We can at least try.”

When you reach the sale, however, Taehyung cringes. There aren’t many trees left, and most of them already look terrible. He’s already trying to come up with something to comfort you, but when he looks at you? Shit, he might have thought it was Christmas morning already.

And the sight melts something inside of him. The warmth of your gaze when looking at utterly fucked up Christmas trees, as if they're brand new, makes him wanna be on the receiving end of that look.

You start to roam through the rows, inspecting the trees around you.

Now that he's not actively walking anymore, Taehyung feels his body stiffening from the cold, and he starts to tremble beside you.

“I don’t know why you're wearing that thin ass coat in this weather.” You taunt.

“My goal was to look hot, not to be warm.”

“Haven’t you regretted it yet?”

“It depends.” He smiles. “Do I look hot?”

“You look cold. Actually you look kinda purple now.”

“Not even pretty?” He pouts.

“You are pretty. There’s no changing that.” You grin, narrowing your eyes at him. “But now you just look so cold that I almost wanna warm you up. Make you hot.”

What. The. Fuck.

Your tone immediately takes him back to that day at the party. To the way you flirted with him with your back pressed against his front before he took you upstairs.

The way you never once darted your eyes away from him and he felt delirious, hot, under your attention — and it’s that same intensity he finds flashing across your gaze now.

No fucking way.

Forgetting what came next, Taehyung’s mind traps him in the memory of your hand reaching between your bodies to palm him through his pants, the recollection not as sexy due to the weird rumbling of his stomach. 

Coming back to his senses, to your very present eyes staring at him, he curves his lips up.

“Sorry, but this Christmas I'm good girls exclusive.”

“You saying I’m a bad girl?” You pout.

Taehyung blinks a few times.

“Shit.” He huffs out a chuckle. “Don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” Fuck, you gotta stop pouting like that.

“You just messing with me.” He shakes his head, pointing at you. “I’mma go look on the other side of the lot now.”

You laugh as he turns, walking away from you.

He does not have the necessary control to deal with you flirting with him. Not when it makes no fucking sense. And the thing is that he isn’t often the smart one in his life (that’s Jungkook’s job when he isn’t struck dumb by his love for Soojin or his occasional hatred for Taehyung), so he isn't exactly the best at understanding people.

However — although he knows he’s unfairly hot — it makes no sense for you to want him. Not after what happened. And he’s not gonna risk another embarrassing situation after things are starting to resemble normalcy with you. As a matter of fact, Taehyung is too dumb to risk anything when there isn’t clear and explicit interest.

He shakes those thoughts off his head, focusing on finding a decent enough tree, but it takes around fifteen minutes of touching crumbling twigs for him to hear you calling his name from the other side of the lot.

You’re staring quizzically at a medium sized yellowish-green tree when he reaches you. To its credit, most of its branches — although looking like they could break just from being started at for too long — are still pretty full. Hopefully it can hold some ornaments to keep that smile on your face.

“What you think?”

“It does look better than the other ones.” He points. “You want this one?”

“Yep.”

“I’m so fucking happy” you declare, staring at the wack ass tree on your car’s roof.

Taehyung chuckles.

“I’m glad.”

You step to the driver’s side, moving to get in when you notice that Taehyung isn’t following.

“Ain’t you coming?”

“You bought a Christmas tree but won’t buy ornaments?” He teases, and a large grin spreads across your face. “C’mon, I saw some in the convenience store.”

You return to Taehyung’s side and you retrace your steps down the street.

“I feel like I must warn you that the last time I decorated a tree was when I was a kid.” You confess. “So it’ll probably look like shit.”

“That’s dumb. Every tree looks good if you decorate it with love.”

“Now you’re just being corny.” You nudge his side.

“I’m just trying to anticipate you to the fact that I also can’t decorate for shit.”

“So much for being experienced.”

“Experience means shit. For example, Jungkook is like, five years old and is so wiser than me already.”

“He did drive straight against a light pole in a parking lot. So maybe you’re setting the bar too low.”

“You know, you can insult me all you want, but I won’t let you come for my Kookie.”

“Your cookie?” You tease.

“What you smirking for? God, you have such a filthy mind.”

“Do not!”

“No way you watch Grinch with that dirty mind and do not have a furry kink.”

“Shut up.” You give his arm a light smack, but you’re giggling when you push open the store’s door for the second time that afternoon.

Taehyung guides you to a shelf with a bunch of Christmas themed products, and you both start to choose from little foam and plastic ornaments.

“Fuck, that’s so cute.” He says, holding a mini foam sock you picked in his large hands.

“I know, right? Loved those little stars you got, too.” You say, placing it all over the register.

“Nice to see you two again.” The cashier grins.

“We bought a tree, so we needed some ornaments.” Taehyung reasons.

“Sure.” He looks at the two of you for a second. “Sorry, I don’t mean to pry, but you guys are such a cute couple.”

Taehyung’s face falls.

He kinda hates hearing stuff like this.

He’s heard people saying that about him and Soojin when they were fighting at a toy store trying to settle on something to buy Kook for Children’s day, and he’s heard it when he was having breakfast with a girl he had hooked up with — whose name he spent the whole meal trying to remember.

However, he never really heard it with Jungkook, even when the boy spent a whole dinner fucking sniffling his neck due to a new loation Taehyung had bought. Neither had he heard it when he was all smiles and giggles with a guy he saw for a while some months ago.

So he doesn’t really give those comments any credit. Especially because he knows he looks cute with anyone. 

You, on the other hand, seem to think it’s outright hilarious.

“Thank you!” You laugh. “We aren’t together, though.”

Ha.

No way you were seriously flirting with him.

“Oh. Sorry if I…”

“No, it’s okay.” You reassure. “We sure are cute.”

Your prideful smile has Taehyung smiling too, despite himself. He likes how confidence looks on you.

The cashier rings you up, and Taehyung grabs the bags, following you outside.

When he finally stops struggling to place the tree near the house’s fireplace, it’s already dark outside.

You tried to help him a couple times, but Taehyung was intransigent, especially because of the branches — he was full of little cuts and scratches when he was done. Which is fine, makes him look kinda edgy, but he didn’t want to see them on your soft skin. 

You drop the bags with the ornaments on the floor by his side, hands coming to rest on your hips. “You know, oddly enough I don’t know of any movie that has a Christmas tree decoration scene.”

“There’s that Friends scene where they decorate Monica’s tree.”

“Really? Never watched Friends.”

Taehyung gasps dramatically.

“And you like Grinch? Can’t believe I’m gonna spend Christmas with a psychopath.” He pauses. “Oh god, did Soojin rent this house for you to kill me?”

“Still with the Grinch judgment?”

“If anything I think I’m not judging enough.” You roll your eyes. “You seriously never seen Friends?”

“I don’t really like series. Too much commitment.”

“Ohhh, didn’t know you were a player.” He teases, and you laugh.

“What can I say. I'm as heartless as they come.”

“You do look very cold holding that little plush candy cane.”

“Isn't it part of the fuckboy agenda to pretend to be sweet and caring?”

“So you're manipulative kind too? Damn, you should come with a warning.”

“Who cares about affective responsibility anyway?”

He sighs, “I have so much to learn.”

You giggle, shaking your head, and Taehyung grabs another ornament bag.

“Wait, let me set the mood.” You turn around, grabbing your phone from the couche’s armrest and putting on a Christmas playlist.

As Justin Bieber’s fetus voice starts filling up the room, Taehyung lets out a loud chuckle.

“Mistletoe?”

“You seriously coming for every Christmas thing I like?” You groan at his mocking tone. “Let me live, Taehyung.”

“I’d let you, but you not doing it right.” He says, approaching you to grab the phone from your hands, but you quickly step away.

“Hell, no. This song is hella cute, you’re not changing it. Just enjoy.”

“Uh, fine. Can I choose the next one?”

“... ok. But it needs to be Christmas related.”

“I have my own Christmas playlist, you know.”

“If it doesn’t have Mistletoe on it, then I already know it’s shit.”

He gapes, feigning offense.

“Damn, the disrespect. May George Michael never hear you.”

And then you two start to assemble the little ornaments around your shitty tree, mocking each other’s music taste but enjoying and absentmindedly swinging to every song. 

It’s only when Mariah Carrey’s voice sounds through your phone that you stop for a second. Your eyes find Taehyung’s with ease, when he too halts his actions after carefully hanging a little star in one of the branches. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Need more Christmas wisdom?”

“Kinda.”

“Shoot.”

“Can you tell me more about holidays with your family?”

“Sure. What do you wanna know?”

“Anything.”

“Please, be more vague.” 

You think, before grabbing a little Santa hat from the bag.

“How is decorating the tree with your sister like?”

“Uhm, she’s always very organized. She likes to plan it and she used to come up with different themes every year.” He smiles to himself. “One year she convinced us to buy a fake white tree because she thought it was fancy or something. It looked like shit when we finished decorating it, so my mum took us to a last minute tree hunt and we all started a whole different decoration before the rest of the family arrived for dinner.”

“Cute.”

“Yeah, now she loves little elf ornaments. My dad bought some once and she lost her shit because of how cute they are, so she plans her decoration around them every year.”

“Oh. We should’ve bought little elfs, then.”

“Nah, I’m tired of them. This way is nice.” Taehyung opens a bag with little plastic sleigh decorations and you two start to distribute them.

“So she’s a planner. How do you decorate?”

“I usually just do as she says. You know. Shoving the little things and hoping they don’t fall.” You chuckle and Taehyung looks at you. “What about you? How’s tree decorating with your family?”

You pause, letting out a long breath before you answer, “Don’t have that many memories to choose from, honestly.”

Taehyung frowns, before a little confused laugh leaves his lips.

“What, are you traumatized or something?”

Your eyes widen when you meet his gaze, smile completely wiped from your face as your hands halt mid-air.

Taehyung immediately panics, synapses synapsing before—

Well. Shit.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t ha—”

His apologies are interrupted by the loud sound of your laughter. He almost thinks he’s imagining it before he turns to you, the little sleigh ornament falling from your hands as you lean on your knees.

“Are you… uh, okay?”

“Can’t believe you just asked that.” You try to catch your breath, laughter breaking into little giggles.

“I’m really sorry, though, I don’t kno—”

“Taehyung,” you interrupt again, biting your lip in an attempt to contain your amusement, “it’s fine, honestly. I’m okay with it, just didn’t expect you to straight up say it.” You giggle a bit more as he processes your words.

“Oh… so you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I don’t have a good relationship with my parents, and this is my first Christmas without them. Don’t wanna talk about it… sorry if it’s weird or it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No, you didn’t.” Taehyung fights the urge to apologize again, but he can help repeating himself. “You really ok, though?”

“Yeah. Really. Don’t worry about it.” 

He nods, thinking before clearing his throat, “so. Want me to tell you more holiday with the Kims stories?”

Taehyung makes an effort not to let things become awkward, but it hits him then that this must be a pretty important Christmas for you — if the eager way you nod is anything to go by — and he kinda feels bad that you have to spend it with him. 

Despite his concern, you fall into your now familiar laughing and teasing as he goes on to tell a bunch of family memories while you two finish up the tree.

Taehyung never had problems falling asleep. Actually, if anything, he had problems staying awake — being so hot can be exhausting sometimes. Ugh, who is he kidding? If anyone knows this, it is you. You, with your pretty smile and your pretty eyes and your pretty hands and your pretty face and your pretty voice and your fucking gorgeous body and your sense of—

Uhm. You got the point.

Anyway.

Ahem.

Where was he?

Oh, yeah.

Taehyung never really had problems sleeping, but that night, after bidding you goodnight and returning to the warmth of his covers after a good steamy shower, he felt restless.

A weird sense of responsibility weighted on him, and he promised himself that he’d try to make this holiday remarkable for you — and that he’d keep that fucking smile on your face. But even after his resolution, his body felt foreign. Taehyung kept shifting inside the covers, gut turning and twisting almost as if he had eaten something he shouldn’t and the thought kept him awake for hours on end until he realized that it resembled butterflies.

He pretended like he didn’t know why he was feeling that, but, after he finally drifted off, your face starred his every dream.

“Merry Christmas Eve!”

“So you finally remembered I exist, hum?” Taehyung secures his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he places the dishes in the sink.

You were twenty minutes deep into a Love Actually rant when his ringtone pierced through your argument. You shut up immediately, only then realizing how caught up you’ve gotten, but Taehyung was almost disappointed when you put away your lunch plate and left the kitchen to provide some privacy.

“What? I don’t remember you calling me when I was in the hospital yesterday.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, grabbing his phone properly as he makes his way to his bedroom.

“People grieve in different ways, Jungkook. You must learn to respect that.”

“What are you grieving, asshole, I didn’t die.”

“Your dignity did. Driving straight against a light pole then whining over a twisted ankle.”

“The light pole was in my blind spot.”

“So you did whine?”

“Like a proper man.” Taehyung chuckles.

“I know you’re fine, Soojin kept me updated. I figured you were tired, so I didn’t call or anything.”

“Pretty sure you sent a text blaming me for getting into an accident.”

“It kinda was your fault, though, wasn’t it, Kook?”

Jungkook gets silent on the line for a second, before letting out a loud exhale. 

“Are you mad with me?”

Taehyung frowns. 

“What you talking about?”

“Fuck, you are, aren’t you? I just… I’m sorry, man. I know you didn’t wanna go in the first place but I kept asking you to go, and now you’re there alone.”

“Hum. I don’t accept your apology, tho—”

“Wow. Okay, then. I mean, it wasn’t my fault you puked on her and went all incognito, so it seems a bit harsh, but go off, I guess.”

“The hell? I was gonna say I don’t accept it ‘cus there’s nothing to apologize for, jackass.”

“Oh.” He lets out a nervous laugh. “Right. Appreciate it, man. But for real, I’m sorry. Hope things aren’t too awkward there.”

Taehyung chews the inside of his cheek.

“Actually? Things are ok. Went to town to buy some stuff with her yesterday and she’s so cool, man. We’re cool.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was a bit in my head at first, but it’s fine now.”

“Sweet! In that case, you’re welcome.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, but huffs out a chuckle.

“Yeah, thank you for crashing your car, it made me happy.”

“Everything for you, Tae.”

“Shit. I kinda miss you, tough.”

“Yeah, same. But we’ll be there soon enough.”

“Great. Now, have you ever realized how amazing Emma Thompson is on Love Actually? I feel like we don’t give her enough love, and I was just reflecting on some shit.”

“Oh my god, I kinda thought the same thing the last time we watched it. I mean, let's think about it for a sec here.”

Taehyung could distinctly hear the corny Christmas soundtrack when he set foot outside his room after hours trying to soothe his Jungkook deficiency. He smiled to himself, approaching the living room.

He finds you clutching the blanket to your chest, eyes focused on the action on the TV screen.

“You ok?” His question makes you jump on the couch, hand immediately flying to your chest.

“Jesus, Taehyung! Announce yourself, goddammit!” You try to catch your erratic breath as he chuckles.

“My bad.” You grab the remote to jump back a few scenes. “What are you watching?”

“Nightmare before Christmas.”

“Nice choice.”

“Wanna join?”

“Nah. Think it's time to start making dinner.”

“Oh! Yeah, sure, let's go.”

You start to peel the covers off you, but Taehyung shakes his hand quickly. 

“Let me take care of it! You can chill.”

You frown, “you don't need help?”

“No, I can figure it out by myself, enjoy your marathon.”

Okay, he knows what you're thinking, and it does seem like a pretty terrible idea given… well, the way you two met. But! Taehyung is nothing but a dedicated man, and that night with you he was humbled. So, he spent the months following the incident learning and researching and — after getting fairly acquainted with food poisoning and stressing the fuck outta Jungkook — he finally mastered the art of cooking.

…

That was misleading, sorry.

He can confidently make popcorn, and hesitantly make ramen and mac and cheese — everything an adult needs to survive, honestly —, and tonight's menu just so happens to contain one of his specialties. He just has to figure out the bulgogi part, and then he's gonna blow your fucking mind.

“Oh, by the way,” you call from the couch as he makes his way to the kitchen area “I didn't find any good brands of mac and cheese yesterday, so I bought the ingredients to make it from scratch. Hope it's okay?”

Well, shit.

Taehyung reassures you weakly, not wanting to take that smile off your face, and takes a deep breath before starting to gather the ingredients. 

How hard can it be, really?

Surprising absolutely no one, Taehyung didn't figure shit out.

What he did, though, in the twenty minutes it took for him to come to his senses, was learn a few big words. Like marinated. What does it even mean? And why does every recipe site assume he knows it? He knows shit.

Also, why is mac and cheese sauce not just melted cheese? Makes absolutely no fucking sense. Honestly? Straight up cynical.

But you see kids, Taehyung didn’t just learn to make popcorn and instant food during the previous months. In fact, he also did a little of what you could call a character development (who would’ve thought that throwing up over the hottest girl he’s even met could teach you so much about life? Amazing, honestly), and that’s why now, instead of getting creative, he decides to just call for you.

“Yeah?” You answer dismissively, attention still in the skeleton singing on the screen.

“I, uh… need your help.”

You pause the movie, turning your body to face him over the couch.

“Sure, what is it?”

“Honestly?” His smile is shy as he looks away from you. “I can't cook for shit. Hate to ask after telling you I would do it, but I also feel like food poisoning isn't on your Christmas bucket list, so… can you help me with dinner?”

Your smile, on the other hand, is blissful.

“How do you survive?”

“Barely. But Jungkook is a good cook.”

“Oh, yeah.” You consider. “Soojin has started to eat more at home after he started cooking for us too.”

“So… will you help me?”

“Of course.” You're already on your feet by the time the words leave your mouth, and Taehyung can see you're wearing that cute ass bear pajamas from yesterday. You look so fucking soft and comfortable.

When you join him in the kitchen he can’t help but smile at the way your outfit matches his own — although his pattern is of little tigers. You search briefly around the cabinets and reach for the wine he got the day before, and you two let the sweet alcohol tint your lips as you look through all the ingredients he displayed on the counter.

“Soojin made mac and cheese the other day, so I’ll do her way. Also, bulgogi ain’t really that hard, anyway. Just… do as I say.”

“Sure.” 

Taehyung pays close attention to your instructions, and you task him with a basic chopping job that — although really fucking dangerous considering the size of the knife — seems easy enough that he won’t fuck it up. You charge yourself with the pasta, filling a pan with water and turning up the heat.

“What does one usually do after supper?”

“Well, it varies. My brother likes to watch Christmas movies. My parents would just sleep. Jungkook likes to get shitfaced and dance.”

“And you?”

“I’m the one he dances with.” You smile.

“Cute.”

“What you wanna do?”

“Uhm… watch movies? There’s a few remaining on my list.”

“We could do that.”

“Oh, sorry. Did I give you the impression that I wanted to do it with you?” 

“As if. I’m your Christmas mentor, you need me.”

“Need no such thing anymore. Besides, I feel like I mentored you a bit too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Care to tell me how?”

“For one, if it wasn’t for me, you’d still think reindeers aren’t real.”

“Hey, that’s not—”

“And you’d be left to eat basic ass ramen for Christmas dinner.”

“What I’m hearing is that you took the fun outta my holidays.”

“Oh, yeah? I bought some ramen yesterday, suit yourself.”

“God, you’re so mean, so cold. But that's okay. I happen to have a very big heart, so I forgive your lack of gratitude. We can still watch something together.”

“But I’m not apologizing.”

“You’ll watch your movies alone then?”

“Don’t exactly feel like holding your hand when you get scared.”

“What kinda Christmas movies are you watching?”

“Old scary Grinch.” Your smile only widens when Taehyung groans.

“Stop it.” He nudges you. “Your water is boiling already.”

“C’mon, Tae, let’s face some childhood fears, maybe that’s what our movie is about.”

He rolls his eyes, but your laugh pulls a smile outta him.

At some point, after around two hours of teasing and working through the wine bottle — now long forgotten and replaced by the cheap beer you got at the store —, you two manage to finish dinner. Now, Taehyung ain't no chef. But if the smell is anything to go by, this might just be his best meal, and he's happy he was able to contribute.

He sets the table while you give the food the final touches, and in no time you two are sitting across from each other, bulgogi mac and cheese bowls waiting in front of you, while Michael Bublé's voice envelops the house.

Taehyung fills his spoon and takes the first bite.

Holy shit.

For a second, he just lets the food sit on his tongue. The flavor coating his every sense as you stare expectantly at him. Closing his eyes, he lets out a low sigh; he could never have enough creativity to describe such a taste.

What he knows of, though, is that it tastes like shit.

Thoroughly and unmistakably garbage and he's left surprised at how you two were able to mess up this bad… Okay, maybe not that surprised: he was there after all — but oh my god, you can't cook for your life!

But, when he opens his eyes, meeting your glimmering ones, he doesn't have it in his heart to tell you. Maybe you just have a different taste or something, maybe your food is too refined for his traumatized palate.

So, he gathers his strength and chews the fucking pasta.

“So?” You ask, after he swallows. 

“Mhmmm” he hums “it's definitely something.”

Your face drops on cue, and Taehyung offers a weak smile when you reach for your own spoon, shoving pasta in your mouth and groaning when it touches your tongue.

“Oh my god”, you quickly get a napkin to spit the food. “But… it smells so good. How did I fucked this up?” You drop your head on your palms over the table.

“It does smell delicious.” He inhales deeply, letting the deceiving dish smell soothe his senses after the atrocious taste.

“I’m so sorry.” You groan.

“For what?”

“Ruining our Christmas dinner.”

“What you talking about? Pretty sure I can get full just by sniffling the shit out of this.” You lift your face from your hands, meeting his attempt to lighten the mood. 

“I’m serious.”

“So what? You think I could’ve done better?” He chuckles. “Honestly, you’re miles ahead of my cooking skills just for making it smell like food.” He continues when a small smile tugs at your lips. “Definitely understand why Soojin wasn’t eating at home before Jungkook, but it looks great nonetheless.”

You giggle faintly.

“But for real… what are we gonna do?”

He looks around the kitchen, before smiling at you.

“Think I'm gonna suit myself with some basic ass ramen for Christmas dinner.”

After cleaning the table and making sure to strictly follow the basic three step ramen instructions, you two move your Christmas supper to the couch — or rather, you return to your cozy place under the blankets and he gets acquainted with the nearby armchair.

It feels ridiculously comfortable. And as you two keep making your way through Bridget Jones' Diary, Taehyung realizes a few weird things.

The first, is that he doesn’t know how you ever manage to finish movies, because you constantly feel the need to pause and over analyze a scene for at least five minutes before you deem him informed enough to move onto the next one. He doesn’t mind. In fact, he finds it adorable, especially when you rolled up your sleeves, tossed the empty ramen bowl on the coffee table and explained to him almost angrily why Bridget’s resignation scene is real cinema or something.

The second, and perhaps most alarming one, is that he hasn’t paid attention to a single scene after the first time you paused. His eyes apparently forget how to strain away from you. From your arms, from your hair, from your smiles and chuckles. You seem to be aware that he’s staring, but pretend that it's just the spiciness of the ramen that got you fanning yourself, while making no effort whatsoever to push the blankets away from you.

You’re just… entracing. So beautiful, so excited, so worked up, so cute and just such a fucking menace that he feels like he’s spinning — cheap bear aside, he doesn’t think it’s on alcohol he’s drunk on.

Although, from the amount of cans accumulated by his and yours feet, you two aren’t exactly sober either.

…

Yeah, sure, it’s the beer. The alcohol. He’s drunk. That’s it.

“Taehyung, can I ask you something?” Your voice breaks through his mind, snapping him out of his inner ramblings.

“Sure.”

“I know you hate it. But can you maybe watch Grinch with me too?” And you quickly add, before he can even open his mouth to contest: “I really like it, and it’s the last one on my list, and” you hiccup “maybe you can grow to like it now as an adult!”

He groans. 

“Why do you like that shit?”

“Please! I don’t wanna watch it alone.”

“I don’t know…”

You look around the room, as if trying to find something that will convince him, but it’s when Taehyung sips on his beer that your eyes lit up with an idea.

“Didn’t you say you liked to get shitfaced and then dance with Jungkook during Christmas?”

“... yeah?”

“Then let’s do that! Let’s get really drunk,” you hiccup again, letting out a little giggle. “Ok, maybe that part is covered. So, let's dance, then watch Grinch!”

“You wanna dance?”

“Then watch Grinch!” You repeat, words slurred in the cutest little way. “I’ll do it for you, you do it for me.”

You don’t wait for him to agree before you’re on your feet, crossing the space between you and grabbing his hands to help him rise from the couch — but Taehyung doesn’t fight any of it. Because the pout on your lips and the way your eyes are glimmering with fondness (and intoxication too, he’s sure), makes him wanna do just everything you tell him too.

You set your phone on the coffee table and face him again.

“Oh” you giggle, clumsily stepping back when you realize just how close you two are. You clear your throat. “So how do you two do it?”

“We just dance. There’s no plan or a right way to do it, just… dance.” He blinks.

Fuck, he’s really drunk.

“Okay.”

He giggles at your uneasiness, reaching for your phone and starting one of his Christmas playlists. He doesn’t need much to start swaying when a sweet jazz rhythm sounds through your speakers. He shakes his shoulders playfully, earning a laugh from you.

“Damn, you’re so old.”

He chuckles.

“What you waiting for? Just dance with me.”

He grabs your wrists and guides you to swing with him, lifting your arms and twisting you before letting you to set your own pace with a large smile on your face.

Taehyung feels so at peace. The alcohol easing his thoughts, the jazz moving his body, your cute giggles gracing his ears.

“I'll give it to you, your music taste isn't bad.”

He clicks his tongue.

“You wouldn't be swaying like that to Mistletoe, I guarantee you.”

“Wanna bet?” You challenge, already grabbing your phone to change the song.

Taehyung laughs when you switch up your dancing style to something far more agitated than the song demands, clumsily circling the coffee table. He's clearly more skilled than you, so he tries to exaggerate and act up his movements to match yours.

“Okay, now sing with me” you clap your hands “— but Imma be under the mistletoe. With youuu” you point at him “shawty with you.”

You can't finish the chorus as you burst into little giggles, and Taehyung follows suit.

“Shut up.”

“That's the only tradition left, I think.”

“Huh?”

“The mistletoe.”

He stumbles on the couch.

“What?”

You look at him for a second, and your grin falters just a little before you shake your head.

“Why so violent with the couch? No need to be scared.” You laugh. “Damn, you're such a bad dancer.”

Taehyung can't understand mixed signals when he's sober — so it's not like he's gonna try when he’s this drunk.

“How dare you! If the music was better it'd definitely be easier. Put on some nice Stray Kids if you really wanna know what I'm made of.”

It’s a ridiculous scene, really. One that he wouldn’t believe could’ve happened a day before, but here you are, dancing around the living room, bumping into the furniture and laughing like two children as a way to force him to watch a stupid Christmas movie with you.

And fuck, he likes it.

He likes the way your shirt lifts whenever you raise your arms, exposing a line of your lower stomach. He likes the way your ass shakes when you try to make a funny move. He likes the way a thin layer of sweat coats your exposed skin, and how desperate he is to lick it clean. He likes the way you look at him, like he is the one making you this fucking happy.

And then you finally pause the music.

“I'll admit. If History doesn’t work, you can definitely make a career out of dancing.”

“Thanks.” He smiles. “You should stick to Literature, though.”

“Hey!”

You laugh, shoving him playfully as you let your body fall on the couch, pushing the blanket to the armrest and away from you. He doesn’t bat an eye when he sits beside you this time.

“Can we watch it now?”

He sighs. “Yeah, whatever.”

You reach for the remote and before Taehyung can ever prepare himself, the stupid narrator is already introducing you two to Whoville.

It doesn’t take long for him to realize he’s not ready to face any childhood fears today, because as Jim Carey’s furry face is slowly but surely shown, he’s already shivering and looking away.

This time, though, you don’t ignore his lack of attention to the movie. 

“Oh my god” you laugh, pausing the movie six minutes in, Grinch’s ugly ass face occupying the whole screen. “You’re scared scared of it. Actually scared.”

He scoffs. 

“No, I’m not?”

“Why are you looking away, then?”

“Nothing, you can keep going.”

You smirk, “okay.”

Taehyung is able to stomach the next few scenes, complaining at the stupid hairstyles and outfits the characters use while you just eye him amused. When Grinch’s face shows up again, Taehyung starts to restlessly shift on the couch to have an excuse to look away, and the constant cracking of the backrest is what prompts you to pause the movie again.

“Stop moving so much. You gonna break the couch.”

“It’s just uncomfortable. Can’t find a good position.”

“Taehyung, we can choose a different movie if you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared though, this movie is fine.”

“The movie is, you aren’t.”

He crosses his arms, but doesn’t say anything.

“You know, you don’t look like someone who scares easily.”

“Because I’m not.”

“You've been cringing since the movie began.”

“Because it's bad.” Damn, he sounds like a five year old.

You shift on the couch to face him, before tugging on his elbow lightly, compelling him to meet your eyes.

“If you admit you’re scared, I’ll change it.”

Your stare is intense as you wait for him to give in and he suddenly feels warm. Your hand is still resting on his arm, and a weird stir on his stomach makes Taehyung feel like that isn’t contact enough — but he blames it on the beer for the time it takes for him to remember how to form syllables.

Shaking his head, he scoffs.

“No wonder you like Grinch so much, you’re just like him.”

“Damn, just like him? Now who’s the mean one?”

“Still you.”

“Well, you just compared me to Jim Carrey in a hairy green costume, so.”

“I mean, you’re not as bad on the eyes.”

“Wow, thanks. That’s some competition.”

He doesn’t think. He says.

“You don’t have competition. You're like, in a league of your own.”

The chalet Soojin found was the only one with three bedrooms y’all could afford, but as you two have quickly learned these last days, that doesn’t mean that it was a good place. Actually, Taehyung only stopped calling it a shack because Jungkook told him it made Soojin sad — but even with every door and window closed, he’s still able to catch you shivering under the cold breeze breaching through the shit heating system. Fuck this place and how it makes you cold.

“Oh.” It's all you manage to reply.

“And that’s even worse.”

“How?” You offer him a little, unconvincing laugh.

“You deceive. Grinch would’ve succeeded on his stupid plan if he seduced people.”

“So what, am I seducing you or something?”

He doesn’t answer.

No, he can't answer that. Not with words, at least. Not with the way the alcohol is steadily dissolving his filters, and not with the way you're looking at him. So he just stares at you.

He just stares at you as if your eyes hold the answers to all of his questions — and that’s saying something because he has a lot of them — and then you wet your lips, dragging his eyes down your face. The sensitive flesh is tinted red, a memory of the spicy sauce and wine you just had, now glistening with your saliva too. And Taehyungs feels the urge to taste it.

It’s you, however, that finally leans in, erasing the space between you to smash your lips against his in a kiss that Taehyung feels like he waited his whole life for.

And the desperation is evident, the need to make up for a missed time neither of you were aware of, so his hand reaches for the nape of your neck, tilting your head to deepen the kiss and slide his tongue against yours. It's messy and mostly sloppy, but it lights a fire inside both of you.

You further press your mouths together, Taehyung’s breath tangling with yours in what looks like an attempt to eat each other’s faces off — and fuck, he wants nothing less.

It takes only a light touch on your thigh for you to promptly sway your leg over his hips, straddling his thighs without breaking contact for a second.

The new angle allows for him to feel all of you. The weight of your body and the taste of your tongue makes his mind spin, and shit he can’t focus on technique for his life, he just wants to keep his mouth on yours forever.

Taehyung’s large palms skim up your thighs, and he grabs a handful of your ass, pushing a low breathy moan out of your throat. Shit. If he was eager before, Taehyung’s actions now turn straight up feral, hungrily seeking your lips while pressing you down on his body, feeling a shiver run down his spine at the way you seem to effortlessly fit above him.

The new found intensity makes your knee jolt on the remote beside your leg. You pause the kiss for a moment to giggle drunkenly when Grinch’s voice sounds through the room, and that’s when Taehyung’s inebriated thoughts finally seem to catch up to him. 

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

You’re drunk. Shit, you’re drunk as fuck. He can taste it. He can feel it in the way your hands clumsily tug on his hair, and in the way your hips uncoordinatedly roll over his.

Shit.

He squeezes his eyes further shut, trying to get some sense into his head, and finally gathers enough control to pull away.

You immediately frown, chasing after his lips, but he turns his face. 

“Tae?”

He swallows at the breathless way your voice comes out, the nickname rolling off your tongue just makes him wanna grab your face again and resume the messy make out session. So, with his mind still spinning, he struggles to find the right words when he opens his mouth.

“I think we shouldn’t do this.” His voice is slurred.

You freeze, backing away just a bit to inspect his elusive face, and whatever you find there makes your whole expression drop. You clear your throat awkwardly and lift your leg to move away from his thighs. Taehyung’s hands feel hella empty without your hips to hold on to, but he pushes through the feeling, rising from the couch as soon as you’re securely away, and bolts away to his room down the corridor, pants awfully tight.

Taehyung feels like shit the next morning, in more ways than one.

He’s not sure how he was even able to fall asleep — although the excessive amount of alcohol in his blood might have helped.

He knows he did the right thing stopping it: you were both way past clarity for clear consent, but in all his years as a certified fuckboy he never communicated that so poorly, and never ever made someone feel undesirable — and he fears that's exactly what he did last night. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth, because holy fuck he doesn’t think he’s ever desired someone so desperately.

However, as much as he would love to do it all again, much much more sober, he can’t assume the same for you. Especially not after the ridiculous way he handled the situation. But he shouldn’t leave it like that. No, he has to talk to you, to explain and then apologize. It’s still Christmas after all, and the last thing he wants is to give you another bad holiday memory.

That thought is enough to prompt him out of bed, and Taehyung crosses the corridor with surprising confidence before stopping at your door.

Taking a deep breath, he lightly knocks before closing his hand around the handle, turning it and pushing it open.

He expects to find you sleeping. He kinda expected you to be awake too, deep in thought just as he was — but fuck, he definitely wasn't expecting that.

You coat your fingers in your arousal before pushing them up to circle your clit. The relief is immediate, and you have to cover your mouth with your free hand to prevent your pleasure from spilling from your lips.

Your eyes flutter shut when you imagine what Taehyung's long fingers would feel like replacing yours. How he would drag them up and down your folds, spreading your juices and making your pussy all nice and slick for him, before plunging them inside, scissoring you open and curving just the right way.

Fuck, you’re so fucking horny.

You should've found a way to blow some steam, to relieve that pressure before you came on this trip. Granted, you didn’t really know you and Taehyung would be by yourselves, so the only thing you expected from him were avoidant eyes and quick, uncomfortable escapes — which you got last night, after your stupid drunk ass thought it was a good idea to kiss him. Shit, what did you have in mind?

Oh, right. Kim Taehyung.

The first time you ever saw him, in that cursed party, you were immediately sure of one thing: Kim Taehyung is tailor-made by hell. There’s no other way to explain his alluring eyes, that burn with such intensity that the mere glance your way makes you feel like the hottest fucking person alive; or his lips, soft and plumpy lips, that spread in the utmost tempting smirk you’ve ever seen. And his body? Fuck, he’s so hot that you honestly wanna eat your fist whenever you look at him.

So, it’s fair to say, you were pretty fucking happy that he made a move on you on that party. To this day, remembering the way his back was pressed against yours and the words he whispered in your ear? The promises he made? You just knew you would do everything to see them through.

But you feel like you’ve been trapped in your own fucked up version of groundhog day. One in which every time a hot person sees something in you that deems you fuckable, you’re always fucking interrupted. You feel like you’ve been edged for months now, starting with Taehyung puking on you, followed by you and Jimin being interrupted when you were searching for something to use as bondage and last month, when you had your fingers deep inside one of your classmates pussy and her sister decided to visit her the very same moment.

You’re a simple girl, with simple needs. You just want to cum.

And despite all the months without basic, mature communication, you still fucking wanted Taehyung to blow your back. God, the things you heard of him, the rumors, the giggling feedback… all ruined because as soon as he made sure you were clean and held no evidence of his lunch, he disappeared as if you had imagined him. But how could you ever blame him for getting sick? You’ve worked six months in a nursery last year, you’re pretty much immune to vomit at this point.

Nonetheless, his lack of opening after it all made you shut down that window, and you didn’t really gave it much thought until Jungkook decided to fucking destroy his car (honestly, how could he drive straight against a fucking pole, so damn inconvenient!) and you and Taehyung were left to your own devices in a shitshow of a town. And then, you got everything but what you expected.

You found out that his sweet smile can be just as alluring as his smirk. And that his eyes can hold a kindness and an innocence so genuine that’s almost infuriating. That he’s the silliest fucking man alive and you couldn’t have asked for a better person to make you company during Christmas — he is basically Jesus after all. The GOAT of Christmas and shit.

But after last night? After remembering what his lips taste like? After remembering the weight of his hands as they trace your legs and set every inch of your skin on fire? Shit, you’re not sure how you went a single day without it.

Consequently, after an hour tossing and turning on bed, you came up with a clear plan of action: you would apologize. Would face him, and apologize for kissing his last night and for making him uncomfortable. But fuck, you have to deal with that knot in the pit of your stomach before setting foot out of bed.

With that in mind, you push your fingers deep inside your pussy, stroking your walls the way you can just imagine that he would, reaching spots that yours never could. You bite the palm over your mouth, trying to keep a loud moan from slipping out when you start to pump your fingers with purpose, seeking release as if your life depended on it.

You’re so pent up that it doesn’t take long before you start to feel your pussy constricting around your digits, and you can sense your sanity drifting away the closer you get — making you thoughtlessly drop your hand from your mouth.

“Fuck” you moan, curving your digits to seek your g-spot “Taehyung!”

“I’m here!” 

It takes longer than it probably should for you to understand that no, you didn’t just imagine his voice replying to you — but realization does hit you eventually, and you snap your eyes wide open.

You take your soaked fingers away from your center, opening your legs as your head lifts from the pillow to find Taehyung, not imagined — although dreamy — with his back turned to you on the threshold.

“Oh my god” you whisper, desperation lacing your tone as you rush to cover yourself, even if he can’t see you “oh my god, shit, I’m…”

“I’m sorry,” he interrupts, voice strained. “I just… I came to— I’ll go now.” He stutters, and the next second he is out of your room, closing the door behind him.

Your body doesn’t move for the next ten minutes at least, and you have to gather all of your self respect to cast away the tears threatening to spill from the overwhelming shame consuming you. 

Taehyung just saw you knuckles deep inside your pussy.

Taehyung just saw you knuckles deep inside your pussy, moaning his fucking name.

And you didn’t even get to cum.

Is it too dramatic to pack your things and drive back?

People change universities all the time, right? Maybe you can find a nice Literature program in another city, move the fuck away from Taehyung to never have to see his face again.

Deep breaths.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Get your shit together, you’re not a spoiled white young man. You have to face your shit. You have to apologize.

In.

Out.

You slip out of bed, putting on sweatpants and a shirt over your sweaty skin, feeling warm all over. You walk to the door, testing different sentences as you let your head thump against the thick wood. How could you forget to lock this shit? You’re never ever getting drunk again.

Your steps are hesitant as you make your way across the hall, rehearsing a weird apology in your head as you try to build momentum — all in vain, because as soon as you see him, sitting on the floor and looking at the gift in his hands as if it has just spoken to him, your body tenses up and every possibility of courage evades you.

The experience is almost humbling, because you finally understand why he ran away all those months ago instead of facing you. Fuck being the bigger man, you’re gonna pretend as if nothing happened.

Taehyung acknowledges you when you step closer, coming to a stop near him with your hands shaking behind your back. You regret not washing your face before leaving your room, because you can only imagine how disheveled you look right now: embarrassed and sexually frustrated. You’re feeling so hot that for a second you wonder if you can actually melt.

His face doesn’t betray any emotion. If you squint, you can find what looks like confusion in his gaze, but you don’t level his eyes for enough time to assess it.

“I figured we could open up the presents we got.” He states, simply, as if he didn’t just catch you masturbating. You blink, setting your lips in a thin line. You know what? Fuck it. You drop to his side, crossing your legs and keeping your eyes on the gift Soojin bought you and feeling your face burning with his attention. “Let’s open them together. That’s… uhm, that’s how me and my siblings do it.” He instructs, and you nod, but as you both busy yourselves with the wrappings it’s clear from the clumsiness of your actions that your minds are clearly somewhere else.

You peel off the covers of a black paper box, and absentmindedly open the lid, baring its content to both of you.

“Fuck” you hear Taehyung choke under his breath when his gaze falls on your gift, completely forgetting the Céline pants Jungkook got him.

You see, Soojin is a strong advocate for self love and all of her presents always involve some kind of weird liberal feminist agenda to help you girlboss your way through life. So, when she started to randomly ask for your clothing size, you were sure she was gonna buy you some of those weird shirts with a corny quote like Happy, Unbothered, Disciplined and Growing (all things you couldn’t relate too, but would undoubtedly sport in the name of friendship).

You should have suspected, though, when she went through your underwear drawer, but she did seem genuine when she said she just wanted to do your laundry for you.

Well, people surprise you, apparently.

And it’s fair to say you are pretty fucking surprise as you look at the black lace lingerie set in front of you, with a little hope this helps you break your dryspell 😘 note on top of it — the icing on the fucking cake.

You almost want to laugh, the heat in your face becoming unbearable as you quickly reach for the lid to cover the gift up, trembling hands making a poor work to hide your embarrassment.

Forget changing universities. What about a different fucking country?

All moving plans are cleared from your mind when you hear your name. Said in a voice so deep you actually take a while to process it came from Taehyung, and a shiver runs down your spine when you halt your hands, leaving the box half open.

“I’m gonna ask you a question.” He starts, and he sounds so serious you’re suddenly scared of looking up. “I’m gonna ask you a question, and I need you to be as clear as possible, because that’s the only way I’ll understand.”

You gulp, bracing yourself for what’s to come when you nod.

“Why did you say my name?”

Your breath hitches on your throat, and you assume it’s because you expected anything but that question that you raise your head — regretting it immediately, because you don’t meet the familiar soft and kind eyes that you’ve grown accustomed to these past two days. Rather, in its place, you find a dark shade of desire burning through you, enhancing your every sense when he darts his tongue along the seam of his mouth.

“You do that a lot, you know.” You huff out a laugh. “Lick your lips. You have no idea how fucking hot it is.”

When he repeats your name this time, he sounds almost angry, and that prompts you to admit. 

“I said your name because I want you to fuck me, Taehyung.”

He immediately shuts his eyes, and a deep exhale passes his lips before he opens them again. Every inquiry, every doubt has left his eyes when he unabashedly smirks.

“Then what about you try this on, princess. Let’s see if it fits.”

When you step back into the living room you can already feel the anticipation pooling at your brand new panties. You can't help feeling kinda uneasy, so exposed while he's still fully clothed, but when his eyes find your lace clad form, basically eating you whole, something about his shameless attention sends a boost of confidence through you, and you’re sure you’ve never felt sexier in your life.

“Holy shit.” It comes out so quietly that you can barely hear it.

His eyes explore every inch of your skin, and you honestly thought his eyes couldn’t get any darker, but a thick layer of lust makes them so deep you might just get lost on them.

“Come here.” He commands, and you immediately comply, cutting through the space between you and relishing in the soft touch of his hands as his arms snake around your waist, pressing your chest on his.

The fabric of his hoodie is smooth against your skin, his body exuding an intoxicating warmth, leaving you dizzy, sick to be touched as you drive your own hands up his torso and around his neck.

Taehyung, on the other hand, seems to be in no rush whatsoever. His palm is hot against your lower back, pressing you against him, molding you to his figure. With his left hand, he starts to trace your body, trying to commit every inch, every mole, every scar, every expense of skin to memory, starting at your hips, darting inwards to your stomach, grazing up your chest to barely touch the valley between your breasts before his fingertip trace up the column of your neck, finding a resting place around your jaw. 

“Never want to forget this body.” His breath fans across your face, and your eyes flutter shut when he starts to lean in.

The way he kisses you now is vastly different from the kiss you shared last night.

Then, you two were messily trying to suffocate one another, tongues clashing together with little coordination as alcohol fueled your actions and clouded your judgment. 

Now, the soft press of his mouth over yours is calculated. Sweet and deliberate, tasting you like your lips are sacred and taking his time to cherish the way your sensitive flesh feels on his. You have to gather all your self control not to bite him, not to take over, not to just groan out your frustration, and in no time you’re melting under his lead.

He gradually starts to speed up his movements, tilting your face to open your lips with his and slip his tongue inside to lick inside your mouth. Your breathing soon turns into panting as Taehyung acts become more intentional, kissing you as if his life depends on it. 

You entangle your arms around his neck, pushing him closer to further deepen the kiss — and he matches your enthusiasm, lips moving relentlessly against yours, sucking on your tongue and pulling your bottom lip between his teeth, bruising the skin and making sure to swallow your every sound. His hand leaves your face to find your hips, grabbing and squeezing the flesh eagerly. 

Fuck, he’s such a good kisser and you’re already so turned on, you wonder if you could cum just from making out with him.

God, that'd be embarrassing.

After what feels like hours — although you think you could keep kissing him for days — Taehyung pulls away. He rests his forehead against yours, recollecting his breath. 

Can he feel your nipples hardening over the thin fabric of your bra? Because you can sure as fuck feel the agonizing press of his growing erection against your thigh.

He smirks.

“Can I mark you?”

“Yes, please.”

Your pleading voice seems to ignite something feral in him, because when he latches on to your jaw his kisses are nothing short of hungry. He drags his tongue along your cheek, before making sure his mouth acknowledges every spot of your throat, licking, sucking and biting all over your skin.

You can feel him smiling against your neck when your soft, quiet gasps turn into full on whimpers. 

“Shit” you exhale, grabbing a handful of his hair and tugging on it.

The moan that he graces you with makes your eyes roll back in delight. A shiver runs down your spine at the way he shamelessly grinds your hips on his crotch.

He pulls away, hair completely tousled, golden skin darker as he admires the blossoming colors on your neck, painted by his skilled lips. His eyes fall to your panting chest next, and he takes his hand there, enveloping one of your tits and squeezing it not nearly hard enough.

“Fuck, this shit looks amazing on you, but I kinda wanna rip it with my teeth.”

“Don't you dare ruin it, I literally just got it.”

He quirks his eyebrow, and his hand leaves your tits, tracing down your belly and reaching to cup you over your panties. Your hips jolt with the contact and Taehyung chuckles, the cockiest smirk settling on his face.

“Think you’ve already ruined it.” He groans. “God, you're really fucking wet and I've barely done anything.”

“You're hard too. I've done even less.” Your teasing is that much less effective when his fingers are ghosting up and down your pussy.

Taehyung chuckles. His hand rises to the hem of your underwear, grazing the skin below it with tortuous patience, making you clutch his hair even harder. He's sure going bald by the end of this.

“You must be so fucking messy after this morning.” He hums to himself, and you nod. “Did you get to cum?”

“No.”

“Oh, you poor thing.” His hand thread down again, tracing your folds over the lace. “Do you want to cum, baby?”

“Fuck, yes.”

“Do you want me to make you cum?”

“Yes, Tae. Please.”

He clicks his tongue.

“Now, that’s just a shame.” He slightly slaps your pussy, making you jolt in his hold and then completely takes his hand away. “Because only good girls get to cum, princess, and you’ve been such a bad girl to me these past days, so damn mean. What makes you think you deserve a present?”

Jesus Christ, if this man doesn't let you cum you're gonna seriously kill him.

“No, I promise I can be a good girl for you, baby, please” he's about to say something else when you drop to your knees, effectively shutting him up. “Let me make it up for you. Show you how good I can be.”

You try to get closer to his legs, but the movements make you wince when your knees scratch against the hard floor. You look around for something to place below your legs, but Taehyung quickly catches on.

“Here” you lift your head just in time to see him pulling his hoodie above his head, revealing his long, toned torso, golden skin shining with a thin layer of sweat and just begging for you to lick and suck some marks up his stomach. 

You're so entranced by his chest, that you take a second to understand he's giving you his clothing, and you don't give it much thought before placing it under your legs. The relief is immediate. 

“Thanks.”

He doesn't answer when your hands spread over his strong thighs, creeping up his leg to his crotch. The hardness of his cock under your palm makes you lick your lips, and you squeeze him, eliciting a sigh out of him. You hook your hands on his waistband, not wasting another second before pulling both his sweatpants and underwear down his legs.

The sight of him almost makes you choke. He's big. So fucking big and thick, but also the prettiest fucking dick you've ever seen and the realization makes you just as frustrated as it makes you wetter. His tip is engorged, flushing dark as a bead of precum accumulates at the crown. God, what a fucking sight to behold. You admire it for a second, mouth watering as you anticipate its weight on your tongue.

“Look so damn beautiful like that, baby.” He praises, hand coming down to wrap around the base of his length. “Wanna suck me?”

“Yes.”

“Go on then.” He pumps himself. “Suck my cock like a good girl.”

You promptly open your mouth, sticking your tongue out and welcoming the weight of his member with a loud moan. You suck his slit, tasting the salty precum with a satisfied hum before licking up his length. You glisten him with your saliva before flicking your thumb over his tip, teasing him and making Taehyung gulp above you.

“You’re so big,” you whine, and he twitches “so fucking sensitive too.”

You alternate between long and short licks, soaking him and coaxing sweet hisses out of his mouth. Your fingers rub his crown, and you wrap your lips around it to give it a dainty suck.

“Look at me” you command, smiling when he does — a large, loving smile before you take his tip closer to your lips and let your spit fall on his cock, spreading it all over his length.

“Holy fuck” he shudders, a long elongated groan passing his parted lips “so fucking hot.”

Pride fills your face as you dive to kiss at his base, palm diligently working on his tip. After some minutes of thorough, but tame motions, Taehyung finally caves in, tone laced in exasperation. “Stop teasing, princess” you can feel your panties sticking to your pussy “do something already.”

“But I’m giving you so much already.” You pout.

“No, no—” his groan is nothing but frustrated “c’mon, don’t you wanna be good for me?”

“Ain’t this good?” You smirk, hand still leisurely stroking his now painfully hard cock.

“You’re so mean.”

“Really? Then I should just stop.” You pause your hand, and Taehyung’s hips jolt.

“Baby” his tone is a warning, and you know you’re playing a dangerous game here, one that’ll definitely bite you in the ass later, but fuck it. It's already so worth it just to see the way his thighs clench and his gaze burns through you.

“You want me to suck you?” You lick your lips slowly, directing his impatient eyes to your tongue.

“Yes, princess.”

“Then why don’t you beg for me, Tae? Ask me real nice and I’ll think about it.”

He chuckles.

Actually chuckles in a weird, choked way, but the ferocity that clouds his eyes only makes you that much more horny. And maybe it’s because he doesn’t fucking care, or — if the throabbing of his dick is anything to go by — maybe he’s just too hard to think properly, but when he opens his mouth again is to grant you the sweetest fucking words you’ve ever heard.

“Please, princess. Be a good girl for me and suck my cock. Make me proud.” You grin.

“With pleasure.”

And you do it, because god knows how much you want it too.

If your pace was teasing, insufficient before, now Taehyung feels on the verge of passing out with the way you sink his length inside the heat of your mouth. The second you take to adjust to the stretch is not nearly enough for him to adjust to the devastating pleasure that you elicit on him, and Taehyung just instantly knows he'll lose his mind when your head starts moving up and down his dick with finality.

“That’s it baby, so fucking good.” He growls, bewitched by the way his cock disappears inside your mouth, mind blanking when you start to hollow your cheeks.

Every little sigh, every breathy moan and especially his strained praises just spur you on, encouraging you to take more and more of him with each passing, relaxing your jaw to the best of your abilities. The noises filling the living room are anything but decent, but the vulgarity of it just makes it even more delicious. 

“Sucking me so well” when you glance up, you can’t help but moan at how fucked out Taehyung looks. Mouth hanging open, eyes glazed with bliss while sweat collects on his forehead, dark hair sticking to his glowing skin as he swallows. You release him with a pop, a string of saliva still connecting you to his tip as you try to catch your breath — hands not stopping. Taehyung’s thumb finds your chin, and you lick your mouth clean “You’re sexy as fuck.”

You take two seconds to make a decision.

“Want you to cum in my throat.”

He looks at you as if you just punched him.

“You want my cum?”

“Want all you’re willing to give me.” And it's true. “Can you do that for me?”

“Fuck yes, baby. Wanna paint that sweet fucking throat of yours.”

You smile up to him, and when your attention returns to his cock you make sure to trace every inch, every vein with your tongue, making it as slippery as possible.

Taking a deep breath, you bring him to your lips again, letting your tongue lay flat under his length as you begin to push it further down your mouth. When he hits the back of your throat, you try to control your gagging and relax your jaw to better accommodate him — and also to not suffocate or something.

“You have no idea how hot you look right now.” But you kinda do, though, if the way he throbs inside you and his knees slightly tremble is any indication.

You start to slowly stretch your throat with him, and Taehyung’s overwhelmed expression is enough to make you deeply moan. His hips jolt at the vibration, making you choke.

“Shit, sorry” he backtracks, helping you recover before you’re guiding him inside again.

When your nose brushes the skin of his stomach, you know you’re not gonna be able to hold in for much longer, and you need him to cum soon, so you push through the discomfort, the tears and the way you just know your throat is gonna be sore as fuck after this, and swallow.

“Ju–just like that, that’s it” he stutters, “I'm close.”

You resume your bobbing movements, head relentless bouncing up and down his cock before you take your hands to his balls. He shudders when your light massage turns into a more thorough fondling and squeezing while you suck around him.

When you glance up at him — tear-filled eyes with nothing but lust looking up at his mesmerized ones with your mouth full of him — Taehyung’s body shudders. Shockwave after shockwave of pleasure erupts on his body, and you can feel the thick stripes of cum shooting down your throat while your lips suck on his tip, milking his high as much as you can — and he cums so much that you struggle to swallow it all. When he removes his cock from your mouth, sucked dry, he’s still jolting with sensitivity. 

“Jesus fuck” he closes his eyes tightly, trying to ground himself. You clear your throat, licking around your mouth to collect any left juices. “You’re unreal.”

He grabs your chin.

“Let me see.” You open your mouth, tongue sticking out to show him no traces of his orgasm. “Such a good girl.”

He then grabs your forearms, pulling you to your feet.

Taehyung gives you no time to stabilize yourself before his lips are on yours, but it’s only after he secures your wobbling form in a tight, strong embrace that you’re able to kiss him back. Your fingers trace up and down his biceps with as much languidness as he makes out with you with. And it surprises you, because you can’t possibly taste good right now, but his lips are so soft that you don’t even protest, thankful for the unhurried touch.

When he breaks the kiss, it’s to pull you into a hug — full on giggling into your ear.

“Fucking thank you.”

You laugh.

“You thanking me for a blowjob?”

Neither of you care about how hoarse your voice sounds, but you clear your throat to try and soothe some of the roughness nevertheless. 

“Hell yeah, your mouth is amazing. Feel like you just sucked me stupid.”

You laugh even harder.

“Nah, I feel like you were already pretty stupid before that.”

His chuckle tickles your ear, leaning his head so his lips touch your shoulder.

“Oh. You completely ruined my hoodie, by the way.”

“What?” You pull away from him in an instant. Gaze falling to his clothes on your feet — and the new wet patch that tinges the gray fabric darker. Your eyes widen in mild panic. “Shit, I'm so sorry, oh my god, I'll—”

He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, you should be sorry. How dare you get horny from sucking my dick, that's just unacceptable.” You pause, face still hot when Taehyung pulls you back to him, guiding his hands between your legs. The pad of his fingers ghost over your pussy, feeling all your arousal through the damp lace. “God, look at that.” He taunts, and his fingers rise to hook under the sides of your panties, pulling them up and pressing the fabric up your skin. He clicks his tongue. “This must be so uncomfortable.”

“Mhmm” you nod, tightening your grip on his arms.

“What do you say, baby? Think you deserve a present now?”

“Yes.” You sigh when he pulls your underwear even higher.

“No, no, baby. How do we say?”

“Pretty please?” You pout and he grins.

“Uhm, now that's better.”

And then he's kissing you again — but gone is the softness of his lips, now hungrily moving against yours. His hands find your ass, gripping and kneading you to his liking.

The way he shifts from shy-smiling-face-surrounded-by-hearts emoji to smirking-devil emoji is sure to make you lose your mind — and you can't fucking wait.

As you two stumble to your room, you make sure to not leave any inch of his golden skin unattended: bruising up his neck like he did yours, tugging on his hair and running your palms all over his body. Taehyung guides you past your threshold, handling you with care until the back of your knees hits the bed. He hurries you on top of it, promptly falling above you.

“You're so hot” he breathes, lips following the path between your breasts, “the hottest girl I’ve even fucking seen.” He sounds almost angry.

You’re panting as he kisses down your stomach, body squirming in anticipation — gasping when he hoists you closer to the headboard.

“Damn, princess, you’re so desperate.” He chuckles, sucking a hickey onto your hips. “Pussy must be begging for some good fucking.”

“Yes,” you sigh “want you so fucking bad.”

His smirk is devilish, lips hovering down your skin until they're just above your aching core. You raise your hips, trying to get closer to his face, but he easily avoids you.

“Tae,” you whine. “Please.”

“You wanna cum, baby?” You nod eagerly, and he shakes his head, slapping the side of your thigh. “Words.”

“Yes! Fuck, I wan— I need to cum.”

“Good.” And just like that, he is gone, sitting back on his heels.

You grunt.

“Taehyung, I'm not above murder, you should know.”

He laughs, hands coming down to your ankles and pushing them apart. His eyes are immediately drawn to your pussy — or, rather, to your arousal soaking through your panties. 

“You're so wet, baby. Feel like you can cum just if I look at you nice enough.”

“Taehyung” you glare, but your voice is too shaky to hold any power against him.

“I want you to show me.” He says, and the instant confusion on your face prompts a sheepish smile on his own. “How.” He clarifies, massaging your calves. “Want you to finish what you started this morning.”

The prospect of teaching him how to please you makes you warm all over, and if you weren't so distressed you might deny it, ask for his tongue or his fingers — but you are desperate, and no one can make you cum faster than yourself. So your hands jump to the sides of your panties, already pushing them down when Taehyung’s hands stop you.

“Want them on.”

“Kinky” you tease, earning a dramatic eye roll.

You hook a finger around the center of the fabric and push it aside.

Taehyung’s gaze grows darker when you expose your bare pussy, and he slowly licks his lips. His feasting eyes are entranced by the way your arousal drips down your folds, slicking you all the way down to your ass. He swallows thickly, hands pushing your legs further apart.

You don’t give him enough time to bask at the sight, though, because your fingers find your entrance immediately after, spreading your juices around before coming up to circle your clit.

The well-deserved, but so fucking delayed attention making your his jolt. Not wasting any second, you hurriedly roll your fingers, closing your eyes to focus on your precise, familiar movements.

After feeling lubricated enough, you sink two fingers inside your cunt and curl them to stroke your g-spot. Loud, wet squelching sounds fill the room, but you can still hear Taehyung’s ragged breathing above you; his soft grunts encouraging you as you keep fingering yourself, whispering sweet nothings to you. He tells you how pretty you look, how good you are for him, how hot you look when you’re knuckles deep inside your dripping pussy. You take your free hand to your tits, pushing them out of their confinements to twist and pinch your nipples. 

“Fuck, that’s it, baby, look at that” his voice is thick with lust, “such a filthy girl.”

His words tighten the knot in your stomach.

“I–I bet I’ll take your cock so well.”

“Yeah? Fuck, I can’t wait to stretch you, princess.” When you open his eyes, you almost cum just from Taehyung’s all-consuming gaze alone, completely hypnotized by the way your fingers disappear inside your cunt. 

“My thighs,” it comes out so quietly that you force yourself to speak again, “grab my thighs.” 

Taehyung takes a second to process your words, but then his hands are on you. Massaging, gripping, pinching and squeezing the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs with such enthusiasm that will surely leave bruises there too. The added stimulation makes you arch your spine off the bed, eyes rolling back as you can feel more arousal soaking through your fingers.

“Shit, you’re so fucking sexy. Gonna make me all hard again.” He moans, and his movements pause for a split second before he asks: “are you close, baby?”

Your legs start to tremble, and every hit to your g-spot makes you whimper.

“Yeah” you breathe, barely registering his words at this point.

“Look at me.” He commands, and you do. “You wanna be a good girl for me?”

“Yes.” 

“Wanna make me proud?”

“Yes!” You scream, tears blurring your vision — but his next words make your whole body stiffen.

“Then stop.”

You don’t. You can’t. But your fingers do lose momentum.

“What?”

“Stop.” And a slow smirk creeps up his face as yours scrunches up in hazed confusion. “You’re not cumming until I want you to.”

When you fully realize what he’s asking you, your orgasm has already been washed far out of reach. You shudder as your fingers leave your pussy, the tears collected from the pleasure roll down as frustration, but when you open your mouth to complain, Taehyung slots himself between your parted legs. His hair tickles your thighs as he pushes your underwear aside and suddenly licks up your cunt, tongue gathering all the arousal from your folds before his lips close around your clit, sucking hard.

The unexpected stimulation makes your hips jut, shuddering so violently that Taehyung pulls away, chuckling lightly as confusion coats his expression.

“Did you just cum?”

“No!” You whine. “I just… I want to cum so bad, I was so, so goddamn close and now I’m just sensitive as fuck.”

He gives your clit an experimental kiss and you grunt, hands fisting the sheets.

“Shit” he smiles, “that’s just too bad.”

Your head snaps up.

“What… what you mean?”

“You teased the shit out of me before, sweetheart. I’m still deciding if I’ll let you cum.”

“Taehyung,” you sob, “if I don’t cum soon I think I’ll legitimately die.”

“Poor thing.” He mocks.

“I’m so serious right now, please don’t do that.”

Another kiss to your swollen pussy.

“Then fucking beg, princess.” 

Well, that you can do.

“Baby, please” you sigh “please, I’m so sorry for teasing you, just–just please make me cum. Let me cum, please.”

He chuckles.

“As you wish.”

He swiftly pulls your damp panties down your legs, tossing it on the floor behind him, and then his warm tongue meets your pussy again. This time, though, you swear Taehyung is trying to fucking suffocate himself on you. He flicks your clit the same way your fingers did, skillfully twisting it and eating you out with devotion — and you sure feel worshiped. Worshiped by the way he moans, enjoying it as much as you; by the way he swirls his tongue around your clit and licks your dripping juices; but also by the way he grabs your thighs, long fingers massaging and digging on the flesh.

The stimulation is so hard and you’re so pent up, that it doesn’t take longer than five minutes of him thoroughly eating your pussy for you to start to feel your orgasm slowly building up on your body again.

“That’s it, Tae, fu–fuck” you cry out “eating me out so good, just like that.”

You’re basically grinding on his face now, and he flattens his tongue to encourage you to ride him as you please.

“Taste so fucking sweet” he hums. “Should’ve had this for Christmas dinner.”

Your chuckle is shaken when Taehyung plunges one of his fingers inside your walls, stroking you gradually to stretch you up.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He mutters. “Do you want my cock?” You nod, biting down on your lip. He doesn’t appreciate it, humming against you. “Tell me.”

“I–I want… want your cock.”

“Wanna give it to you, baby, but I’ll need you to relax for me. Let me stretch you.”

And you certainly try, but you feel so tense, so desperate to cum that you can’t seem to find your breath.

“That’s–that’s your fucking fault!” You hiss when he finally starts to thrust his fingers faster. “Edging the— nghh, fuck outta me.”

He smiles against your pussy, but says nothing when he slowly introduces a second finger. His movements are precise, careful not to hurt you but determined as he scissors you open, slowing down for you to adjust every time you flinch or so much as goes silent above him. He also changes the pace of his mouth to try and help loosen you up, and holy fuck, you don’t think you have the capacity of imagining such sweet, toe-curling oral, not even in your filthiest, most unrealistic dreams.

When he works you up to three fingers, Taehyung has to pin you down with his free hand to stop you from lifting your hips.

“Shit! Feels so–so fucking good” you whimper.

“Grab my hair.” And you do, hand releasing the sheets to push his sweaty locks away from his view, and the intensity of his eyes on yours almost makes you feel more naked somehow. 

“Jesus fu— nghh”.

Taehyung now fingers you at a relentless pace, and the skill with which he does it — angling his fingers to hit your g-spot, reaching for different sensitive areas and making your walls clench around him — is almost overwhelming.

Your legs quiver, threatening to close around his face.

“Close?”

You’re kinda scared to answer, but it’s not like you can hide it anyway.

“I’m so close! Please, Tae, let me–let me cum!”

The pleasure running through your body is so intense you feel like you could actually pass out if he denies yet another orgasm, and he can surely feel your anguish as you start to chase his face, chuckling lightly before finally saying the sweet words, “Then cum for me, princess. Cum all over my face.”

The orgasm that he coaxes out of you is maddening. Your mind blanks as your pussy clamps down hard on his fingers — which continue to thrust into, prolonging your pleasure. Your whole body shudders, toes curling with everlasting bliss, but you are surprisingly able to keep your eyes open. The sight of him, between your legs, eating you out through your high and making sure to collect every bit of your sweet release on his warm tongue is almost enough to make you cum again.

When you finally come down, refamiliarizing yourself with the whole concept of breathing, Taehyung is looking at you as if you’re sin incarnated, a loose smile on his lips. You feel so spent, but suddenly so impatient too.

“Want you to fuck me.” It’s the first thing you say after your head stops spinning.

He laughs.

“Barely took my fingers out and you’re already asking for more, damn.” He peppers your thighs with soft, soothing kisses. “Pussy so fucking greedy.”

“I want you so bad.” Your voice is so small, so quiet. You swallow dry.

“I want you to, baby.” He comes up to kiss you, sliding his tongue against yours in such a sloppy, lazy way that you can’t help but smile, ignoring the taste of your cum lingering on his mouth. “You made me so hard again, fuck.”

Taehyung grabs your thighs and hooks them around his waist. He takes his fingers to your pussy again, smearing some of your release around to better slicken you up. After deeming you lubricated enough, he guides his dick to your cunt. He drags his tip along your dripping folds, and your breath hitches.

“Fuck, you’re soaking my cock.” He grins. “Who got you this wet, baby?”

“Taehyung,” you sigh, heels pressing down on his lower back, “don’t you dare tease me again.”

“Then answer the question.” He rolls his hips harder over yours, rubbing your clit. “‘Cus I can be pretty fucking patient.”

“Fuck you.”

“I let you cum one time and you’re already talking back again.” He clicks his tongue. “One more chance, baby. Who got this pussy so… fucking… wet?” He punctuates every word with a slap of his cock against your cunt, and you gasp each time, digging your fingers on his back.

“Ungh, fuck, yo–you! Shit, you did, Tae.”

“I made you cum so fucking hard, didn’t I?” He smirks, and your hips jump slightly.

“The hardest” you whimper.

Taehyung’s so fucking glad you gave in this fast — because there’s only so much time he could endure teasing you while being desperate as fuck to feel the warmth of your cunt, to feel you wrapping around his cock the way you did around his fingers. With a deep exhale, he shifts to position his dick at your entrance.

“How do you want it?”

“Rough.” You don’t hesitate.

“Rough? Want me to be rough with you, princess?” Taehyung feels dizzy.

“Yes, please.”

“Yeah? Wanna be fucked like a slut?”

The shiver that runs through your body could’ve been enough of an answer, but you still grant him a breathy confirmation: “Yes, Tae. Want you to fuck me dumb.”

His eyes flutter shut, and, with his last thread of sanity, Taehyung starts to slowly press his dick inside of you.

He is right. You are soaked. But he’s still the biggest cock you’ve ever had. So, despite his attentive fingering and the insane orgasm he just gave you, your face still translates your discomfort as he stretches you up. Taehyung follows your cues, stopping whenever you wince and shallowly thrusting to ease you to his size, letting you adjust before moving deeper.

When his hips finally — finally — are flush against yours, you both exhale shakily.

“You’re so fucking tight.” He digs his fingers in the flesh of your thigh. “You good? Does it hurt?”

“No… just,” you exhale deeply, “gimme a second.”

While you focus on accommodating his size, Taehyung clears his throat.

“I uh, wanted to ask you something.” You notice the subtle distress in his voice, and the gaze you find when you open your eyes is filled with concern. “And be real with me.” You frown, expression slowly matching his.

“... yeah?”

He hesitates, eyes darting away from you.

“Are you… like, actually into furry?”

You burst into laughter, shoulders shaking when you bring your hands to cover your face. Taehyung’s chuckles are unsure when he joins you, flinching when your body trembles slightly. 

“Be honest!”

“Fuck you, Tae, honestly. You’re balls deep inside of me seriously asking me this shit.”

“I mean, I can’t grow a beard for my life, but we can figure something out if—” 

“Oh god, stop! I do not have a furry kink, Jesus.”

“Thank god!” He sighs. “Was really worried for a second.” Your laughter prompts a smile on his face, and he lowers his face to give you a quick peck on your lips.

“You can move now, by the way.”

“You sure?” You nod, pulling him closer.

“Let’s get on to fucking.”

He frowns.

“Damn, you gotta work on your dirty talk.”

“What? You were just talking about furry.”

“It’s different.” He huffs. “I’ll give you one more chance.”

You roll your eyes.

“Go on, baby, rock my world.” 

He chuckles.

“C’mon, that’s not doing anything for me here.”

At that comment, you shift and clench around his cock. His hips buck, reaching even deeper. You pout.

“You seem pretty hard for me.” You hiss when he smacks the side of your thigh.

“You’re such a brat.”

“Just fuck me already.” You brows knit together, and you flicker your eyes down to where your bodies meet, licking your lips. “Please, Tae.”

“You see? That’s way better.”

And fuck you he does.

When Taehyung pushes himself out of you, leaving just the tip, you barely have time to breathe before he’s slamming back inside.

The feeling of his skin dragging against your velvet walls has your mind immediately blanking, head falling back on the pillow.

The ease with which he finds a pace makes you melt under him. You’re already so sensitive from your previous orgasm and all his stupid teasing that you just know this will set a pathetic low time record, but you don’t fucking care. You deserve to feel this fucking good, and Taehyung seems to know that too, because despite the struggle it is to keep his eyes open — the desire to shut them and focus on the delicious feeling of your warm pussy squeezing his cock almost unbearable — his gaze is still trained in your face. In the way you bite your lip, or release it in a silent moan when he gets the angle just right; the way your brows knit together in bliss, or arch to your hairline with a particular hard thrust; or, yet, in the way your hold on him turns almost painful, sure to leave him bruised in the sweetest possible way, whenever he leans over you and brushes your clit.

Taehyung is a slow learner — but he learns, and he won’t close his fucking eyes until he identifies how to unwind you, how to fuck you so good he’ll ruin every other dick for you. And he seems to find it when, after a swift change in his angle, you let out a loud, tortuous scream under him, sending a large, proud smirk to his face.

“That’s it–that’s— nghh, fuck, baby, there!” You cry out, lifting your hips off the bed to try and create even more contact as his cock hits your g-spot.

“You feel so good” feral grunts spill from his mouth as he lets his eyes fall shut, “squeezing my cock so fucking tight” he groans.

Taehyung has never felt more grounded, more present. The slapping sounds, your cries, his grunts, everything is so fucking vulgar. The way the soft flesh of your thighs mold under his palm, the way he fills you to the brim every fucking time is good enough proof that this is real, that this breathtaking pleasure is real, and that Taehyung is really fucking you.

“Been… wanting to–to fuck you for so long.” He pants. 

You arch your spine off the bed, chest pressing on his.

“Holy fuck.”

“God, can’t believe this is happening.” He growls.

Your senses, on the other hand, are clouded by the feeling of his cock splitting you, fucking your body senseless and pounding into you like a man on a mission. His size, his girth, the way he twitches inside of you, making your walls even sloppier… he’ll be the end of you. You never wanted to please someone more, especially after having his mouth on you, and you can feel your control gradually slipping away every time he fills you up, reality a distant idea as he fucks you closer to euphoria. And god, you’re so fucking close.

“Yes! Yes, baby, that–that’s it” you sob, hands fisting the sheets so tightly that — if you were thinking properly — you'd be afraid of ripping it.

“God, you're… nghhn— fuck, you feel so good.” He gasps. “Are you close?”

“So fucking close.” You barely acknowledge the words leaving you, the knot in your stomach about to snap.

At your words, Taehyung’s hand leaves your thighs to reach behind your back, unclasping your bra and letting it fall somewhere in the room. He leans over you, mouth immediately closing around your left nipple, while his large fingers twist and roll the right one. You arch into his touch, sighing when his tongue swirls around your nipple.

“The most perfect tits…” he hums, glazing your chest in his spit as he seeks the other with wet kisses.

“Tae” you moan, hands entangling in his hair and pulling hard, prompting him to give your nipple a light, barely there bite, but it’s enough to make your hips shake under him. “Fuck, I’m… I’m gonna cum.”

“Yes, baby, cum for me. Cream my cock like a good girl.” He moans, words slurred as he lifts his gaze to you.

Your body starts to shudder violently as he pushes another orgasm out of you. Your legs quiver around his waist and your pussy clenches tightly, shoving a deep, guttural groan from Taehyung’s throat while your mind spirals, washing away any thoughts as his name falls lazily from your lips.

It takes a solid minute before you start to think again, body still rocking with his thrusts as he keeps chasing his own release high. You wince at the overstimulation.

“Tae” you whine, fingers digging into his back.

“C’mon, baby, ain’t this what you wanted?” He slows his pace before grabbing your legs and placing them on his shoulder, thighs firmly pressing on his chest. He sinks his cock deep inside of you with each snap of his hips, and you’re immediately gasping for air. “Didn’t you wanna be fucked like a slut?”

“Nghh” god, how is he so fucking good at this.

“You wanted to be fucked dumb. Wasn't it?” You eagerly nod, words evading you. “Then give me one more.” He breathes. “Let me see that pretty face again.”

Taehyung’s not slow, nor gentle this time. Your previous orgasms make his strokes that much easier, more delicious. Loud wet, squelching sounds fall from where your bodies meet.

“Fuuuck— pussy so fucking good.” His praise shoots straight to your core.

As naturally as before, he falls into a rhythm, slamming inside of you. Your head falls back on the pillow, dazed as the position makes him feel even girthier, bigger inside your sensitive walls, rendering you completely unable to form a single thought that isn’t his dick pistoning inside. The new angle allows him to reach even deeper, and you can feel every inch of him throbbing inside of you, grazing your g-spot in a way that has you gasping for air.

The slapping sounds of his skin on yours are sinful, and you take your hands to your tits, slicked with his spit, fondling with them to add to the ever growing bliss. 

He wants to keep saying shit, spill the filthiest fucking stuff just the way he notices that makes you wetter around his cock — but the closer he gets, less can he think properly, his filter completely dissolving.

“Wanna fuck you forever. Watch you cum for days.”

And fuck if that isn’t enticing as fuck for you too.

Your legs get a bit sore from their bent position, but you wouldn’t mind having him fold you half if it meant getting to see Taehyung’s brows knitting together, lips falling apart in silent delight.

“So-so… good… fucking me so good.” Your voice is muffled by the hard banging of the headboard against the wall.

“Shit. I’m close.” You nod. “Where do you want me to—”

“Inside” you interrupt, answer spilling from your lips.

He brokenly moans, mind blanking as his resolve quickly slips away. Thrusting impossibly harder, pouding impossibly faster, Taehyung fucks you eager to fullfil your request. 

You already feel ready to cum again, an odd pressure weighing down on your lower belly. Your mouth falls open, whispering, or rather, mumbling sweet nothings or muddled filth to him — unsure if he's even listening — as pleasure clouds your mind to the point of incoherence.

“Taking me so fucking well, pussy made for my cock.”

Taehyung takes his hand down between your bodies, his fingers finding your clit with ease as he starts to rub it, pressing and circling it with the pad of his fingers as a hard, unannounced orgasm crashes over you. You’re unable to keep still when every nerve of your body jolts with electricity, overstimulation making you lift your back from the bed as a loud scream rips through your throat.

The pleasure that overtakes you blanks your mind, and for a second you feel like you can't stop cumming. Taehyung sounds so distant, and you feel so high, so heavenly, that you almost think you're dreaming the whole thing.

“— all over me.” Is the first thing you hear when your mind starts to clear and your body slowly calms down. 

“Huh?”

You wince as Taehyung keeps fucking into you, pace now careless as he gets close to release, and you tighten your gasp on his arms, fighting through the oversensitivity.

“You just fucking squirted all over me.” You blink at his words, taking a full minute to process them before your head is snapping up in alarm.

Everything is so wet, so sloppy and messy, but before you can say anything — before embarrassment can even reach your skin — Taehyung's body is shaking above you.

“Shit, shit, shit—” He shudders. “I’m cumming.”

His groans are deep as you feel his hot release painting your walls. He digs his fingers into the flesh of your waist, hips jolting with the waves of his pleasure as he squeezes his eyes shut to focus on the overwhelming thrill running through his body. He feels so alight, as if he's just been set on fire, and every inch of him burns with bliss.

“Jesus fuck.” 

A lazy smile spreads on your face when he kisses your calves, gently pushing them to rest on the bed. He crashes on top of you, frantic breathing cooling the sweaty skin of your chest.

“I've also…” you gulp, closing your eyes, “also been wanting this for so long, by the way.”

You feel him smiling against your skin.

“Damn. I’m so happy I might just puke.” 

Your body shakes in laughter.

“God, you’re so annoying.” You pinch his side and he squirms, chuckling before tilting his head to face you.

“I kinda get the Jungkook now, though.” You frown, and he opens a large, boxy smile. “I fucking love Soojin. Best gift ever.” 

You giggle, heat creeping up your neck.

“Ugh, get off me.” You push him away, and Taehyung shifts on the bed, hovering over you.

He pulls his softening cock out of your swollen pussy, and you can see his eyes glimmering before his fingers are spreading your folds apart.

“Shit” he hisses, and you can feel the wet mix of his cum and your own release dripping down your folds. Taehyung doesn’t give you any warning before he’s diving down, licking you clean with a swipe of his tongue and making you shudder. He closes his eyes, humming as he swallows everything. After that, he moves to step out of bed, uttering a quick “hold up” before he’s out of the room.

You can hear some cabinets and drawers opening before he’s back, a towel in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He proceeds to clean you up with the softest, more tender touches possible, mindful of your sensitivity and halting his movements whenever you flinch, while you soothe your raspy throat. 

“You might need to sleep with me tonight.” You frown. “You made such a fucking mess. Sheets are ruined.”

You scoff.

“And who’s fault is that?”

He smirks.

“Sorry I fucked you so good.” You giggle, covering your face when you feel your cheeks warming up.

“So annoying.”

Jungkook loves Taehyung. They’ve been friends for ten years now and — although there have been days — Jungkook would never change anything about his friend.

…

Maybe make him a bit less murderous in the kitchen. But besides? Taehyung is perfect.

…

Okay, maybe not perfect. No one is perfect, and Taehyung did tell a younger, inexperienced and quite stupid Jungkook that girls get hot when you touch the back of their knees. Not to mention that time when Taehyung dragged Jungkook to a regency costume party — a ridiculous one at that: how is a vampire not a historical costume? He was fucking hot with those red lenses, putting Robert Pattinson to shame with that glitter body spray. 

Anyway, the point is: he loves and cherishes Taehyung, especially the sweet fucking body lotions this guy uses (fuck, he smells good). And he knows Taehyung too. He knows Taehyung better than anyone in the world, probably better than Taehyung himself. And that’s why he knows, the second Soojin confesses what she got you for Christmas, that Taehyung isn’t gonna deal well with it.

“For the last time, babe,” Soojin explains, “a woman should never be ashamed of wanting to feel sexy. You men keep making us feel vulgar about our sexual lives, and create all this taboo about our bodies. No wonder why we hate ourselves. In fact, did you know that—”

“Soojin,” Jungkook sighs, pulling their bags out of the uber’s trunk, “I’m just saying that maybe, maybe, you could’ve given her a heads up not to open the gift with Taehyung… they’re probably super awkward already and a fucking lingerie set won’t help.”

Soojin huffs.

“You have no faith in Taehyung.” Jungkook stops in the pathway to the chalet door, giving his girlfriend a pointed look.

“I know Taehyung, it’s different. This will either make him super self conscious about how he fucking vomited on her, or make him wanna swallow his fist because of how horny he’ll get. Either way he’ll malfunction.” Jungkook pauses. “Fucking is also an option.”

She pouts.

“But didn’t he say that they were cool?”

“Fucking is cool, but he could’ve also meant that he’s been locked in his room for three days.” Jungkook’s face twists in concern. “We’re lucky if he even got out to eat.”

“We’re lucky if they didn’t cook anything. The last thing we need is them food poisoning one another.”

“Not to worry. Taehyung knows the treatment by heart now.”

They reach the door, and Soojin grabs the keys in her purse. They’re careful as they step inside, mindful of it barely being past six in the morning, but any attempt at silence is futile when Soojin’s attention is drawn to the living room couch. 

“The fuck?!” She screams, scaring Jungkook to drop down the bags.

The sharp sound makes you jump away from Taehyung’s lap, losing your balance and falling ass first on the hard floor.

The four of you freeze for a moment, sharing weird, confused looks before Taehyung’s heart finally resumes to a normal pace and he understands that no, the house isn’t being invaded and you two won’t get robbed in nothing but underwear, he can’t help but glare at his best friend.

“Jungkook why the fuck are you here?” He says, extending a hand to help you on the couch after you find your discarded shirt on the floor.

“Wow, nice to see you too, asshole.” Jungkook’s eyes flicker to the TV when music starts to play through its speakers, a deep frown settleting on his features. “You watching Grinch? The hell?”

Soojin turns to her boyfriend.

“Is Grinch really the most unexpected thing here?”

“Tae, did she force you to watch Grinch?” He narrows his eyes. “You know this ain’t good for you. You won’t be able to sleep.”

Taehyung groans.

“Jungkook, shut up.”

You quickly put on your pajama top, tugging it as further down as you can.

You open an awkward smile.

“Thanks for the gift, Soojin! We— uhm, I really loved it.”

note ↠ sooo, what do we think? 🥹 i hope y’all liked it! it took sO LONG to upload this omg, tumblr just wasn’t vibbing with our himbo!tae 😔 but it's here! i actually had to learn some quick html codes to edit this lol, i'm so stressed

note² ↠ all form of feedback is deeply appreciated!

note³ ↠ thank you so so very much for reading it 🥹

note⁴ ↠ you can go back to navigation here

#taehyung #taehyung fanfic #taehyung smut #taehyung scenarios #taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung fic #bts #bts fic #taehyung imagine #taehyung oneshot #taehyung humor #kth fic #kth smut #kth scenarios #kth imagines #kth x you #kth x reader #luawrites #fic:snow.flower #v fanfic #v smut #v scenarios #v x you #v imagine #bangtantheatrenet #kvanity #btshoneyhive

[liveinfantacy]

loose virginity with him(Jungkook smut)

Pairing: Jungkook x You Genre: Mafia!AU, action, angsttttt, smuttttt Tags:.Oh! and also oral (f), fingering (f), orgasm denial, dirty talkkkk (Jungkook is nastyyy 🤪) unprotected sex, virginity loss, light degradation, corruption kink, sir kink, BIG cock, squirting, orgasm control, creampie 🌸 🌼🌷 🌹 🌻 Raiting: +18 Summary: Don’t trust anything in this story. Don’t trust the cute bright cover, don’t trust the handsome playful flirty barista and do not trust the cute innocent timid girl.

As Jungkook set his phone back in his pocket he raised his eyes back to you.

“Don’t worry baby it’s no one important”

Is he reading your mind ?

“Just checking the time you know” Your heart sunk in your stomach. You immediately looked up at the clock hanging on the wall behind him. Almost midnight, it read.

“Sorry I should let you head home” you must be boring him you thought to yourself. Of course you were.

“No” he said, his voice shifting again, reminding you of the tone he used in the shop just yesterday. “I was just wondering when it was going to be time for desert”

Fuck…

Your heart jumped from the bottom of your stomach to your throat, over excitedly pumping boiling blood and adrenaline through your veins, making your cheeks and chest burn.

“Are you blushing baby girl?” he whispered while he leaned in over the table closing in the distance between you. “You’re so fucking cute”.

“Thank you” you squeaked, embarrassing yourself which made Jungkook chuckle.

“Are you daydreaming about all the nasty stuff I texted you about?” you stayed frozen solid as you lost track of yourself in his dark brown orbs. He kept on leaning in, you licked your lips nervously and Jungkook’s eyes instantly shifted down to them.

“You want me to make your dreams come true Princess?” Now his lips were grazing over your wet ones. This simple little touch sent a shot of electrifying sparks into your core. You nodded your head slowly.

“Say it” he whispered even quieter now as his warm hand slipped beneath the table and under your flowy dress, fingertips brushing over the thin skin of your inner thigh. You couldn’t help but let out a meek little whimper which made him smirk. “Say it, princess” he repeated, his hand continuing to progress on your thigh until he reached the delicate lace lining of your panties. Not quite touching you yet. So close but yet so far.

“Please make my dream true, sir” you huffed, giving in, surrendering yourself without putting up much of a fight.

“Good girl"

Suddenly he crashed his lips on yours, kissing you passionately, prying your mouth open to taste you, not letting you time to protest but even if you could have it was never your intention. You waited long enough for that. And you chose him. With him it finally felt right.

Jungkook’s pointer finger pressed precisely on your clit, applying pleasurable pressure on it, making you gasp and bang your knee on the table, nearly knocking over your half-full bowl. as he put more pressure on it. Not giving you the satisfaction of friction just yet. Just driving you even crazier with desire. So in a shameful and unpremeditated reflex you bucked your hips against his single finger.

Immediately he retracted his hand and broke the kiss. You bit your lips in regret as you opened your eyes back up to look at him. A familiar evil twinkle was dancing in his eyes.

“What a naughty girl” he wrapped a firm hand around your nape. “Grinding her little pussy against me like this” the remark made you blush in embarrassment.

“Blushing again?” he asked, this time practically growling. “You’re really trying to make me go insane.”

At once he got up, making his chair fall back, he harshly lifted you up by the arm and flipped you over his shoulder with ease. Caring your body like it was nothing but a mere feather.

He walked through the living room and hall with big strides and tossed you on the bed, earning a yelp from you. He didn’t even bother to switch on the light, only keeping the door open, the lighting from the hall making the atmosphere incredibly intimate.

“Take this flimsy dress off. Now. Keep the heels” his tone was demanding and impatient. So much so that even the crippling fear of what you were about to do was swept away and replaced by the fear of disobeying your master’s orders.

You opened the zip in the back of your dress and just let it slide off your body, revealing the burgundy lingerie set you carefully picked out for him.

“Fuck" he swore under his breath as his eyes trailed down your high heeled scadals to the curved you thighs and your chest hidden away in the beautiful bra and finally to your glistening collarbones.

You swallowed thickly at the sight of the tent he was so visibly pitching in his pants, making it look incredibly uncomfortable.

“Fucking lace?” he asked, hands going to the navy blue silk shirt. “Only sluts wear lace” he grunted rapidly, shedding every piece of clothing he had. Even the tight boxers, made his thick and hard cock spring up and stand tall.

He looked glorious, the light from the hall was casting his large shadow on the wall, the silver chains and necklaces hanging low on his chest pulling your eyes further down to the incredible cock you were so vividly remembering from yesterday, your mouth instinctively watering.

“Spread your legs” he ordered and you did. Fat cock in hand he stood on his knees and harshly pulled on your hips to take you closer to him, you let out another whimper.

His hot tip touched your clothed little pussy, aiming directly at the sensitive bud. Baekhyun took a wicked pleasure in making teasing slow circles. As close to you as he was, the miniscule ply of fabric between you was way too much. So you whimpered again.

When his tip pressed on you, you suddenly got nervous.

“Please… I-… Jungkook… I’ve never” you stumbled on your words.

“Don’t worry princess” he smiled reassuringly at you “I’ll make you nice and ready for me”.

He pulled on your legs and brought your hips to the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of you. He laid gentle kisses on your pubic bone before catching the lace between his teeth. He looked back up at you with the same eyes you saw in the shop, the same blazing desire that made your center quiver in anticipation.

He slid the panties down to your ankles where it hung on one of your feet.

“Will you be a good girl for me baby ?” he asked, voice strained and heavy while he eyed down your thighs tightly pressed together.

“Y-yes sir” you murmured, goosebumps rising on your bare skin.

“Then let me see your beautiful little pussy and spread your legs for me baby.”

With a shaky breath you parted your thighs slowly and as your knees got further and further apart Jungkook’s smirk got wider and wider.

“Fuck” he breathed out eyes fixed on your aching, quivering center. His breath tickled your intimate parts as he leaned in. “Dessert is fucking served” he whispered before digging in. Instantly, he aimed his tongue at the swollen bud.

The contact of his wet and cool tongue made you arch your back, sinking your head back in the plushy mattress.

“Fuck you taste so good babydoll” he said not parting himself from you, vibrations pulling a sharp breath out your trembling lips.

This feels different from anything you’ve ever done to yourself; it has no comparison at all.

“You like my mouth on your soaked little pussy?” he asked teasingly, slowing down the pace, gently sucking on your sensitive nub.

“Yes, sir” you cried out, taking out the frustration of this slow pace onto the sheets, fisting them angrily.

“What about this?” he slipped one slender finger inside your narrow little pussy. Your lips rounded up in surprise as you hoisted yourself up on your elbows, wanting to see his face.

“Fuck” you swore when you felt his blunt nail pushed deep inside you, rubbing circles on your sweet spot.

“Aw baby! Does that feel good?”

You only nodded as a response, your eyes starting to prickle with tears as he started to pump his finger in and out, slowly at first but rapidly picking up the pace to a point where you couldn’t help but to let small whimpers fill out the space between the two of you.

“Aw baby you’re so cute getting overwhelmed with just one finger” he chuckled. “Are you sure your virgin little pussy can handle me?” Once again your distressed mind is unable to come up with words to form an answer but this time he stopped when you didn’t reply anything back.

“Yes!! Yes!!” you breathed out hurriedly when you felt the pleasure gradually lessen, desperately, longing for him to finger fuck you again.

“What a good girl” he said as he slipped another finger inside.

“Oh my god” you cried again, this time you couldn’t help two big tears to roll down your burning cheeks. You felt yourself deliciously stretch to his liking. One finger was easy but two was something else. A dull and muted pain made you wince. Jungkook moved very gently, taking his time to stretch you properly. When you started to relax he leaned in again to wrap his mouth around your swollen clit.

“Fuck baby you taste delicious” he growled. Gradually the pain turned into pleasure and he picked up the pace again. Fingers furiously pumping in and out of you while his tongue skilfully circled your clit. Everything worked perfectly together like well oiled machinery. Rapidly taking you to your peak like an ever ascending rollercoaster.

“Are you going to cum my princess?” Jungkook teased you.

“Yes!!” you almost screamed, nails digging at the mattress, practically tearing the sheets.

“I’ve never seen a virgin cunt so fucking eager” he said while digging one pointy tooth on your clit, pulling a loud gasp off your lips, making your walls throb around his diggits. “Fuck! What a dirty little cunt you have here. Sucking on my finger like this” he picked up the pace again and combined with the dirty talk you were done for.

But he abruptly pulled his fingers out your desperate little pussy.

“No baby” he said firmly “Good girls only cum on my cock”

WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART .

NEXT PART WILL BE UPLOADED SOON.

#bts jungkook #bts jk #jk smut #bts smut #bts fic #jkppost #jk #smutwarning #rough smut #kpop smut #kth smut #jungkook #bts #kookie #jimin #jm #bts taehyung #bts fanfic #bts v #bts x reader #jk x y/n #blowjov #mafia kim taehyung #kim taehyung #kim taetae #bts jeon jungguk #jeon junkook #jk bts #bangta boys #bts army

[taegularities]

silk & stones | kth (m)

Summary: “Taehyung was a writer… he was a writer indeed.”

Kim Taehyung knows his way around words – they cast a spell on your heart and mind, leave you gasping dangerously fast. Until the mystery behind his persona unveils and his touch, along with his words, becomes a vivid memory.

➳ pairing: Taehyung x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: strangers to lovers, writer!au; angst, fluff, smut ➳ warnings: writer + violinist tae 🥺 who’s a gentleman in the 19th century, brief mention of injuries/a mental institution, misunderstandings, heartbreak, secrets, grief, much poetry (and my attempt at writing a poem, pls spot), much disgoosting fluff, flirting and lots of sexual tension; explicit sexual content: 2 sex(y) scenes, fingering on a boat, choking, teasing, begging, praising, soft dom!tae, big dick!tae, tiddie fondling/sucking, some manhandling, dirty talk, they’re just so cute :((, oral (f. and m. receiving), some masturbation, oc is into neck kisses, some biting, fingering, hair pulling, asking for permission :(, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (it’s the 19th century...), aftercare; there’s quite some angst ok; lmk if i forgot smth !! ➳ word count: 27k (💀) ➳ a/n: damn, this one was a lottt and i’m even somewhat proud i managed to post it cos i was dreading doing so LMAO. but my baby @hobisuniverse​ didn’t just beta it, but encouraged me so so much, too. i love you to the moon and back, my love 🥺 hope y’all enjoy !! as always, feel free to pop into my inbox and talk to me, it means the world to me <33

➳ listen to the S&S playlist for the full experience 🤍 

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST | WIPs

You thought there was insanity behind the idea of fate until you met Kim Taehyung.

You’ve never been big with words, despite being the proud owner of a dusty pile of books. Most of those, you must have read half a dozen times; a handful of those, you can recite by heart.

When you were little, your parents used to warn you that you might corrupt your mind if you read about fate, love and the drivel under the stars too much. That when you grew up, you’d not be able to distinguish between reality and wishful thinking anymore.

You always said that reality was too sour, too close, and that you couldn’t forget it if you indulged in the thickest novel known to humankind and never looked up from it again.

And anyway – fairytales aren’t real. And fate isn’t real. How could you grant those things much weight, connect them to reality when there was no actual proof of their existence?

At least that’s what you used to preach… but then came a day.

One you might even call fateful now that you think back.

THEN

Kim Taehyung was no artist, but he knew how to draw clean, dazzling lines on paper.

He’d always been big with words. Small and large ones; simple and fancy ones; verbal or written; loud or silent. The moment his eyes first caught yours, the words he whispered were quiet, a little hushed – nevertheless, chaotic. Like he’d collected all twenty-six letters on his tongue at once and rearranged them to describe whatever aura you emanated.

For Taehyung, nothing was truer or realer than fate.

With time, you’d come to realise that if you’d chosen a different branch of the fork on your road, the night would have turned out entirely different. Small happenings sometimes affect which drink you choose, or who you speak to, maybe even how your mood changes over the course of the event.

But this time, you might have found yourself elsewhere weeks later, had even one dust particle been out of place. Because you could have chosen a different path – easily.

Two hours of loneliness were catching up to you. One of your customers had recommended that you leave your house for a bit, informing you that the annual town hall festival was going to take place today.

“I wouldn’t have anyone to escort me to it,” you’d told her.

You couldn’t deny that you were crafting excuses to talk yourself out of it, but you knew she was right. Your days consisted of uneventful, quiet afternoons, and you worked your way through them until the horizon darkened and stars emerged again.

But your customer remained stubborn and convincing, wiggling a wrinkled finger as she said, “You don’t need to! Not every woman needs a man to court her. Try going alone. You will see the world with different eyes.”

And perhaps she was right about your confidence and your endurance; you did not need a man or woman to keep you entertained. But the event itself – if it had been more adventurous and not filled with guests who ogled you until you shrunk into yourself, you might have enjoyed it more.

You had your next thirty minutes already planned: find food, eat, leave. And with a hand on your rumbling stomach, you walked past the drunk, rich politicians and stopped at the table that portrayed an infinite line of finger food.

Then again, balanced harmony only remains so long.

You had barely decided which snack to pick up first when someone stepped next to you. Your eyes rocketed to the man, dressed fully in white. His trousers were blinding, a white shirt tucked in, an angelic coat draped over his shoulders; a contrast to the starry eyes and pitch black hair.

“Have you tried one of those?”

His voice chimed from the depths of his chest. Low and calm, inviting and rich. It almost didn’t suit his gentle face, and you opened your eyes further. Wondered if those words had actually come from him.

“I cannot even say what that is,” you answered, pointing to a small delicacy, covered in what you assumed was parsley. “I can’t name any of those.”

“Well, let me educate you. This is ham,” the man explained, lifting one of the snacks between two of his fingers. They were endless; long enough to capture your attention. “On… uhh… something.”

“Something, yes?”

You laughed when he did – his chuckle was strong, contagious and delightful. A man like him wasn’t easy to miss in an uninteresting crowd. Perhaps it was the bright attire he wore; but most of all, you couldn’t think of a single man you had ever laid eyes on, as beautiful as him.

And oddly enough, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d seen him before.

“It tastes impeccable, is all I know,” he continued, chatty and in a good mood, “and if you pour yourself a glass of rosé, it’s even better.” He paused, tilting his head in thought. “Actually. Let me pour you some.”

“Oh, I– I was going to eat a little and then go home.”

“Home? The night has barely started, though.”

“But,” you argued, shaking your head in disappointment, “I’m bored. There’s nothing to see here… or at least, nothing interests me.”

He laughed again, and your gaze froze on the small crinkles around his eyes for a moment. Then wandered to the rectangle grin. When he straightened his priorly tilted head, his fine, dark hair strands fell into place again, covering his sight, parted in the middle.

“Something is always happening. The question is just who’s interested in it,” he said, placing a snack on his tongue elegantly, twirling the glass of wine in his hand. “I’m Taehyung. But,” he winked, nodding, “don’t tell anyone.”

“Why not?”

Taehyung.

Taehyung?

Where did you know his name from?

“I like to wander around. See places. And it’s nice when people don’t recognise me right away,” he explained, looking around the golden lit room and into the cheerful crowd, “though some did ramble their hearts out to me tonight.”

You were confused – and curious. Hardly able to contain this very curiosity, you asked, “Recognise you? Are people supposed to?” Taehyung hesitated, blinking at you, so you added, “What’s your full name?”

“Uh.” He halted for a moment, peeking into his glass. Then, he flashed a smirk, looked into your eyes with newfound confidence and answered, “Kim Taehyung.”

“Kim Taehyung, do I know you?”

“I don’t know. Do you?” he questioned, cocking an eyebrow in amusement. “But I wrote some novels a few years back, though under a different name. Perhaps you have seen illustrations and photographs of me somewhere. To be honest,” he leaned in, laughing, “most people here haven’t really read my stuff, but they hear professional writer, and go mad.”

A writer. A novelist?

You reckoned that was why he seemed so familiar to you – and why every girl’s eyes lingered on him that passed by the table, tangled in someone else’s arm. Maybe you had seen his work in one of the bookstores you frequented.

“I’m sorry. You’re probably not used to clueless people like me,” you said, watching him walk to the other side of the table to pour you the same wine as him. “I came to this town a few years ago, but I don’t know that many people here. Thank you.”

You took the glass gratefully, disregarding the rule of the night that you weren’t going to drink. But the liquid courage tasted heavenly, like a piece of a garden dissolving on your tongue.

“You came here alone?”

“I did,” you answered, nodding, “for my education. But I never went back. I lived with my aunt, and she took care of me as long as she could, but… she didn’t make it past last year. So now I am here, in her house, still tending to her plants and dishes.”

“That’s remarkable,” Taehyung praised, fascinated and curious, “and what is it that you do?”

You couldn’t remember the last time a man had approached you with an interest like he did. Most of those you knew were straightforward, complimented your lips or your skin; hooded eyes that thought they were charming your feet off, but all they did was burn your skin alive.

Gulping, you turned to look at him, stepping back from the table when other guests flooded to the food in groups, “I used to work as a teacher. Taught children. But now I have a home-based thing where I stitch dresses.”

“Unusual,” Taehyung remarked, “but I like it.”

“My parents aren’t tied to community standards as much as they're expected to,” you clarified, suddenly missing your father’s words and your mother’s lullabies with a prominent ache, “they’re proud of what I do.”

“Then I am, too,” he joked, and your heart leapt, indulging in his saccharine voice. But then, he smirked and said, “Not everyone can stitch a dress that hugs a body this beautifully.”

Your shoulders and your hand dropped. If the glass hadn’t been empty already, you would’ve tainted his polished shoes. The corners of his lips fell when yours did, and you rolled your eyes, clicking your tongue before you said, “And when I thought you’re one of the decent ones.”

“What?”

You placed the glass on the table and wrapped your scarf around your shoulders. Shaking your head, you complained, “You’re handsome and amusing. And kind. So of course there would be a vice.”

“A vice?” Taehyung voiced, furrowing his eyebrows. His feet followed yours, eyes staring past you to realise that you were leaving the event. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s a man's world and we’re puppets. That’s alright. Men will receive compliments on their brains and their studies and how they built an entire business from scratch,” you continued, surprised when one of his big steps equaled your fast but small ones. “But we’re just bodies and pretty ones at that, and that’s all you will be able to compliment about m– oh, and I did not stitch this dress, by the wa–”

“Listen,” Taehyung stepped in front of you, barriering the entrance. You looked away, not quite fuming, but sufficiently irritated to seem so. “That was not what I meant at all. I told you you’re remarkable.”

“And that wasn’t to build up to the actual courting?”

He shook his head, clearly in disbelief and uttered, “Writers choose words carefully. Right? I wouldn’t say anything to you I don’t mean. Besides,” looking up and down, he shrugged his shoulders, folding his hands behind his back, “would it be so terrible if I courted you? For your beauty and for your brain?”

You pouted but felt the heat leave your head gradually, clutching your scarf as you mumbled, “Do you reckon I’m smart?”

“Of course I do.”

“Not just pretty?”

“Gorgeous. But not just that.”

You raised your chin, still careful but melting somewhere inside. You pressed your lips into a thin line before you let out an exhale, whispering, “Fine.”

Opting to walk away, you raised your dress, but he took the same step sideways as you, stopping you in your tracks once again.

“Listen…” he repeated, breathing in, “I can prove it to you. That I don’t only care about how you look.”

You sighed, relaxing your heart, your voice calmer and softer when you said, “It’s fine, Mister Kim. You don’t need to write me a novel or anything. We’re fine.”

“I didn’t want to. I haven’t written in a long time. Or well, I am working on something right now, but,” he sucked in another deep inhale, opening his palms, “the point is. Spend some time with me. I would enjoy getting to know more about you than your occupation. If you allow me?”

Regarding him with a suspicious look, you carved a crease between your eyebrows; endeared by the innocent dart of his tongue to wet his lips, but wary of his overall words and tone.

“I don’t know you,” you claimed, “I met you ten minutes ago.”

“I know, but,” he shifted from one leg to the other, laughing nervously, “every relationship, no matter between whom, starts with knowing them just for ten minutes.”

Squinting, you leaned closer; he couldn’t help but snicker at your childlike expression, and you leaned back with an even more magnificent pout as you inquired, “You won’t abduct me?”

“Abdu– do I look like–”

“Alright. I’ll allow it,” you said, finally gracing him with a smile. You looked kinder, softer when you wore a beam like this – like you couldn’t be feisty if you wanted to. But to know that you were, was luring him in a little more. “Where?”

“Hmmm.”

Taehyung bit the inside of his cheek, rummaging through his memories and places he had seen. And then, he clapped his large hands once, lighting up in enthusiasm.

“There is a massive architecture, very Roman or Greek. Numerous pillars.”

“Yes…?”

“Does Nary Hill sound good?”

Taehyung lived in a cube made of glass.

The walls of it were robust glass. The ceiling was unbreakable glass. The door was made of thick glass; and when he opened the windows, he did so carefully. The cube was sparsely decorated with barely any furniture inside – it lacked vibrancy, a monotone colour palette that only ever shone in different hues when Taehyung let the sun shine a bit.

So when you strolled to him on the agreed upon Sunday morning, he thought the glass of the cube broke a tiny crack. Instead, walls of firm wood grew around him, darkening the room – which was ironic and somewhat odd, because writers like himself usually refer to happiness and grace through brilliance and sunshine, don’t they?

But you didn’t feel like the sun and light to him.

In your own, gorgeous way, you resembled peaceful darkness. The kind that one closes their eyes to before falling asleep, when the world is quiet and serene, worries lift and the sun has set. You felt calmer and more comforting than bright, direct sunlight blinding his eyelids.

So when you looked at him with a shy, gentle smile, unsure how to greet a stranger you’d only talked to once, you gave his imaginary cube a more profound sense of home – with its new, steady, natural, wooden walls.

Your fingers, clutching and raising your lavender dress, released the fabric once you halted in front of him. Entwining them slowly, you nodded, flashing a bright smile as your calm voice spoke, “I would’ve been here sooner, but the carriage got stuck in–”

You stopped when Taehyung sucked in a deep breath, readying yourself for a gentlemanly scolding, wrapped in words kind enough to reprimand you softly. Instead, however, he stepped forwards, pushing his back off the pillar with a gentle, welcoming smile. 

The structure you stood under was familiar to you – it resembled a Greek temple, or a hidden sight of the town. Where you stood, the sun didn’t reach. Taehyung noticed that since you’d stepped into the shadow, your features had relaxed and your shoulders dropped, as though you were relieved that the heat wasn’t burning you up anymore.

Perhaps there was a reason you were more darkness to him than light.

“I don’t mind waiting,” he said, untamed dark hair hanging into his eyes, “I spent some time thinking.”

“Thinking? What about?”

Taehyung hummed in thought. His gaze wandered from your feet to the top of your head, taking in tiny bits of your appearance that differed so much from the very first time he’d seen you. You smiled a little more confidently today; there was no trace of timid quietness, and you didn’t look like you put a limit to what you wanted to say or think.

Just like him, you felt more comfortable in this environment.

“Have you ever heard of Mary Wortley Montagu?”

You parted your lips, scouring your memory for the name. But when nothing popped up, you shrugged your shoulders, responding, “I’m afraid I haven’t.”

Taehyung crossed his arms in front of his chest. It was the first time you noticed the undone buttons of his white linen shirt, casually tucked into dark trousers. You rarely saw men dress like him – most of them ran around in pompous suits and with big hats covering their heads.

But Taehyung didn’t seem to care much about the elegant choices you saw usual suitors of yours settle on. If they'd spotted him, they would've probably scrunched up their noses and shook their heads. To you, however, his little decision was more alluring than the sweaty men regarding you with cocky smirks and approaching you with revolting statements.

“Thou silver deity of secret night… direct my footsteps through the woodland shade,” Taehyung slowly recited.

You’d think a writer like him was confident, vain, and knew the effect he had on people around him. But there was softness in his words and his expressions, a smile utterly warm when he added, “It’s a poem by her… you reminded me of the moon when I saw you, so I thought of it.”

“I did?” you questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

Your dress might have been the most summer-esque clothing you could fish out of your closet. You kept your face free of additional beautifiers, your hair in a loose bun. Why you reminded him of the moon, you couldn’t quite say, but you could interpret the funny feeling in your guts just as less.

So you let your eyes drop so as to not showcase the ocean of flattery that claimed you, but Taehyung saw it anyway; knew you were taking his words as a gentle compliment. He was delighted – and perhaps a tiny bit enamoured. 

And when he invited you to a light walk down the hill you were standing on, you finally confirmed his foolish theory that you were indeed the glowing satellite rounding your world. Because your face contorted, your smile falling and morphing into a frown of fatigue.

“We can just,” Taehyung started. You looked sweet, so lost in thoughts, trying to come up with an excuse. “Stay here, too.”

You laughed lightly, your eyebrows furrowing in guilt as you answered, “If that’s alright with you. Walking is fine, too.”

“I’m open to anything.”

He pushed up the sleeves of his shirt, and your eyes shot to the veins adorning his arms. Kim Taehyung pulled off casual beauty so effortlessly; maybe you were wrong. Maybe the men you saw on other days wouldn’t have scrunched their noses after all, but burned in envy.

You hoisted up the hem of your dress carefully, delighted when the summer air blew onto your bare ankles. Taehyung took a seat on one of the steps leading up to the temple, waiting for you to join him; and when you did, you said, “I know this is boring of me, but I promise we can get up and walk around in a few minutes. The short way up the hill was just–”

“Don’t worry about it. Meeting you was about getting to know you, not about where we are or what we do.”

“So if we’d met at the noisy, stinky market?”

“We can go right now, and I’ll prove it to you.”

Taehyung moved, lifting half his body, but you were quick to pull him down again. You giggled in unison, and you shook your head, clarifying, “But I do like it here better. I enjoy it when it’s quiet.”

Of course you did.

“Do you have a favourite place then?” Taehyung wanted to know.

When you turned your head to him, you realised the gaping hole between the two of you. Your elbows and knees didn’t touch, and he didn’t attempt to close the distance, sitting on the steps with spread legs in contrast to your gracefully straight back and folded hands.

You’d never cared about manners much – but you hadn’t ever found lax behaviour this attractive either.

But despite the fact that you could fit another human being between you, his head was lowered, cupped in his palm, and the elbow resting on a step above balanced his torso. He was listening to you, intently, awaiting an answer.

His eyes were calm and dreamy – the kind that traps you, a mythical creature’s song who eats you alive once you give in.

You feared something about Kim Taehyung.

Clearing your throat, you raised your eyebrows, “Me?”

“Yes. You.”

The tender shyness he’d sported just a minute ago vanished when you caught him staring with an amused grin. Looked like he was enjoying himself with you, genuinely curious to know what floated in your foggy, little mind.

“Hmm,” you voiced, annoyed when your thoughts blanked. It was always when someone asked questions like these that you forgot every place you’d ever been to. “I think I like my garden.”

But Taehyung was having none of it; because he puffed out some air and rolled his eyes, sat up straight and wiggled his fingers – the full package of disapproval.

He admonished, “No, no! There must be something else.” He waited, thought for a moment, then added, “Think bigger, I’d say.”

Bigger than your garden?

“Something wrong with my favourite place?”

“Absolutely not,” he answered, but still shrugged his shoulders unconvinced, “but I feel like you just don’t want to think.”

Because you couldn’t think.

It was easy to lose your string of thoughts with him. He was a thief, trained to rob one of their sanity, it seemed.

But you tried for him anyway, giving his question another go until you smiled proudly and let him know, “Fine. So at the river. If you borrow a canoe and paddle south, you get to a bridge. And that bridge is tiny.”

Taehyung nodded enthusiastically, pointing at you knowingly, a deep but semi-loud voice chiming, “I think I know what you mean! A cream coloured, small bridge that’s barely broad enough for two people to walk on!”

“Yes! But high enough to let a boat through underneath it,” you confirmed, eyes widening in delight, “so, it has the look of a fairytale, almost Grimm like object, right? And it’s usually quiet there, too. There are pathways on either side of the river, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone walking along it.”

You shot him a quick look, checking whether you were boring him yet. But the corners of his lips were still frozen in place, elation and attention apparent, caused by nothing and no one less than you.

So you continued, “I sometimes feel like no one’s ever there because nature doesn’t allow interruption or to step onto steady grounds. It lets you admire it from afar… so I do. I like looking around or reading or– or doing nothing at all while the boat floats its way along the river.”

When you silenced, it dawned on you how loud you must have been. Because suddenly, you could hear the chirping of the birds and your rapid heartbeat again, could hear it knocking against your eardrums. It didn’t seem to bother Taehyung, though.

His eyes never left the features of your face. Looked to and fro, never truly settled on one spot or one of your moles, the curves of your lips or the curl of your eyelashes.

“That’s beautiful,” he finally said.

You drew a breath, studying his movements. They seemed elegant, calculated, but you doubted he thought about them much. Taehyung was graceful without trying; you had seen it the moment he spoke to you first. And you could see it now, too.

Lowering your voice, you let your eyelids flutter, hoping he paused to look at your tiny details the way you did. Whether you were succeeding, you couldn’t quite tell. “Why did you ask?”

“I just… I thought you were a closed mystery,” Taehyung laughed, rolling around a tiny stone with the tip of his finger, “for some reason. But you’re an open book, aren’t you?”

“Hmm. I don’t like reading mysteries, so why should I be one?”

Taehyung snickered. It was the first time you heard his baritone rise in volume this much, enchanting sparks falling out of the hearty laugh. Back then, you hadn’t known that the harmless melody of his voice carried a deadly quality of haunting your nights.

He was a walking power that could split a heart into two; back then, you hadn’t known.

“Fair point,” he admitted, full lips covering his blinding teeth again when the laughter ebbed down.

“So then,” you started, uncaring of your curved back, your tilted head, the fact that you were dirtying your palms by planting them on the dusty steps, “what’s your favourite place, Kim Taehyung?”

Taehyung didn’t waste moments sinking into thoughts the way you had, because apparently, he’d expected your question, answering readily, “A glass cube.”

Ah.

What?

“A what?”

“A cube made of glass that doesn’t let any noise or sorrow in,” he explained as though it could help him clear up anything at all. His hands formed an imaginary cube, and upon seeing your confused frown, he clarified further, “It’s a mental mantra that I invented. And I know it’s ridiculous, but it helps.”

“Helps?”

“It’s peaceful. It’s nice to be alone sometimes. No noise or voices. No one to judge. Just you and your thoughts and whatever the hell you want to do,” Taehyung retorted, emphasising his cursing, “and shit, you can’t tell me that doesn’t sound nice.”

You leaned forward and placed your elbows on your thighs, folding your hands under your chin as you teased, “You couldn’t find a better place to let your thoughts retreat to?”

Taehyung looked away from you and directly into the sun. It appeared as though he was searching for something, focused and unblinking; but then, he lifted his shoulders and let them fall, looking back into the shadow.

The shadow where you sat.

Serene darkness that soothed the blindness that the star had caused. Candy to his eyes.

“Yes,” he mumbled then, “I might have.”

You didn’t question what his new personal castle was. Taehyung's gaze had always been too intense; either begging to keep secrets locked in and veiled or asking you to reveal yours. You’d soon learn that it could throw you into an endless spiral, going deeper and deeper until you felt too dizzy and unbalanced to stand on two feet.

Today, it seemed to be the former – so you didn’t prod. Reckoned he’d tell you when the time was ripe, when he felt like he could entrust his deepest thoughts to you. Right now, it was clear that he didn’t want to elaborate.

“And how does my garden not count, but your cube does?”

“I didn’t say your garden doesn’t count!” Taehyung defended, feigning irritation. He shot up to his feet, staring down at you with his fists pressing into his hips. “I just meant there must be something else, something that brings you full and irreplaceable peace. And I was right!”

Sighing, you stood, joining his stance and leaned into him, squinting as you remarked, “Writers are odd, aren’t they?”

Taehyung imitated your tiny movement, and suddenly, he was close enough to breathe against your skin. His eyes wandered to your smirk before they stared back into the depths of your pupils; and for a moment, you considered tasting whatever lingered on his tongue.

But in your adventure with Taehyung, you had barely exited the first page. A bubbly feeling in your guts told you that your lips weren’t ready just yet; that patience was a virtue, that you needed to practice it to make the moment last longer.

And perhaps he thought so, too.

Because he leaned back and straightened his posture again, stepping out of the shadow and into the sun as he told you, “Writers like mysteries. You and I are different, sweetheart.”

He was right.

Maybe you were an open book, but Taehyung was an undecodable enigma. And you might not have liked mysteries – but you wanted to dip your toes into this one.

NOW

Whenever someone close to you, who has seen you rise and fall for Taehyung, who has watched you suffer and start anew, asks you whether you’d change how things worked out, you shake your head immediately.

Despite the ruins that Kim Taehyung left you in, you don’t think you could’ve ever mustered the strength to walk away from him, even if you could have. The night when he first talked to you. When you met him on the hill, leaning against a pillar of what seemed like Greek architecture.

When you kissed him for the first time, looked at him and knew. Things you’d never thought of, things that still seem unreal to you.

For nothing in this world, you’d give up the feelings and the pain he brought, the experiences you gathered, the trust you found in people. The realisation that not everything is the way it seems at first. That you were there, unwavering, ready to take his hand.

If you could travel to the past, relive a day and change something, it wouldn’t be the fact that you got to know him, but everything you told him.

Because then you might add to the numerous conversations, whisper to him what you always wished to whisper to him.

Perhaps, you think, he’d still be here today if you had.

THEN

“This doesn’t beat your cube?”

Taehyung’s hand functioned as a shell around his ear, trying to blend out the shrill noise that echoed through the little tavern. He told you it was his favourite place, but apparently, someone had gotten engaged, hence the tumult sounding around you as though Armageddon had started.

Bodies sashayed by you in a haze, dancing and drunk, laughing and making you join their contagious joy. You couldn’t say how Taehyung had managed to drag you here, or when you’d drunk enough to feel your cheeks warm.

But the inebriation felt less daunting with him across the table, patting your arm whenever he wished for your attention. It was a subtle touch, but you rather enjoyed it – looked away on purpose just to feel it again.

“Well, it might! Honestly,” he confessed, his face flushed and fingers wrapped around his drink.

“I get why you like it here.”

“Really?”

You nodded, grimacing when a loud cheer went through the crowd; you yelled with them, lifting your cup into the air, and when it was done, the music stopped for a minute. The voices calmed down. And no matter how fun the evening was, you were thankful.

Your head was thumping.

“It’s different from you,” you told him, comparing him to the calm image of himself in the shadows for the umpteenth time tonight, “like you’re trying to escape yourself.”

At least that was what you could tell from the last two or three times you’d had the honour to spend time with him. The renowned author had told you of the importance of his glass cube and its attributes, so you didn’t expect him to pull you into this old, sordid but cheerful tavern.

His smile faltered a little, and he granted his half touched meal a single look before he stared up at you again. Dark hair dishevelled, he brushed strands of it aside, rubbed a spot on his neck, red from the heat before he said, “I think we all do sometimes.”

Slight distress coloured his starry eyes, a contrast to the rosy hues on his cheek, but before you could blink again, he was suddenly smiling again.

Small wrinkles appeared around his eyes as he digressed, “Poetry. That’s another way to escape yourself. Time passes differently when you read, and maybe you’ll come back a different person once you close a book.”

Whichever topic he was trying to head to, you played along, eager to let the remnants of the sorrowful tension between you fade. “Might be one hell of a truth if I’ve ever heard one.”

“I want to write proper poetry one day. I’m a novelist, but I’m bad at poems.”

“You still haven’t given me a book of yours to read,” you interjected, rolling your eyes, “what’s worse is that I can’t find books under your name either. I need to pull some secrets out of you, mister.”

Taehyung shot you another one of the looks you’d grown accustomed to. The one that said, ”There’s something hidden in a cubicle of my heart, but I can’t tell you about it just yet.”

And you didn’t ponder. Instead, you listened to him as he spoke again, lifting a finger with closed eyes, “And maybe this is a deep sin. My fearful soul calls often with a shudder, and yet with passionate lingering.”

“Another poem?”

“One of my favourites. Not that popular, though.”

“Why this one today?”

But sneaky and teasing as Taehyung was, he shrugged his shoulders with a tight-lipped smile, announcing, “That’s for me to know and you to find out. You’re not getting more than that.”

“That’s cryptic. It tells me nothing.”

And then he nodded, as if to say, “Exactly!”, shaping his lips into a rectangle when you leaned back with crossed arms and a playful pout. Reassuring, he patted your elbow, close to where the curve of your breasts started, and you sucked in a sharp breath.

His fingers were far from touching you the way you’d started dreaming of – yet you couldn’t help but notice the tension, the sense of nervousness, and how on edge you were around him. You didn’t know in which ways you craved him, but you knew that he’d become a lingering presence in your mind.

“Don’t worry,” he sang-song, “I want to write you a poem one day.”

“Me?”

“Mhmmm… just write down whatever comes to mind. You make me want to write those.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Taehyung began, his deep voice falling deeper, your name rolling off his tongue before he said, “poetry is gorgeous. And you’re gorgeous. Inside and out.”

“Taehyung–”

The sentence you attempted to utter, of whatever stuttering mess it would’ve consisted of, vanished into thin air when another holler of his name sounded across the room. It overshadowed your whisper and made the man in question flinch, and he turned to find another one of his friends trudging over to your table.

In his calloused fingers lay a violin, used and old, though pieces of its gracefulness remained the way they always do with gentle instruments. The man sported a beard so thick that you could barely see his lips move, but the glimmer and glitter in his eyes were vibrant enough to showcase every trace of happiness he felt.

And as far as you could tell, he liked Taehyung.

“You haven’t played for us all night!” he said, and Taehyung’s eyes blew wide.

He looked back at you as if his friend had answered a riddle unsolved hitherto. But when you gasped, obviously thrilled, some of his worries seemed to fall, like he was waiting for your permission. Asking silently whether you were okay with it.

“You play the violin?!” you squealed, eyebrows raising and a hand slamming on the table.

“Well, I… a little.”

“A little,” the bearded man retorted, a slight mock in his mature voice, “Taehyung here is just like Snow White enchanting a whole forest.” He leaned in, winking as he mumbled to you, “He sings sometimes, too.”

“No way.” Close to jumping in your seat, you wrapped a hand around his wrist, excitement flooding through you like a high tide. “Just one piece. Please?”

You looked like a doe, staring into his eyes with tiny sparks; there was innocence in your gaze, not the slightest hint of anything evil. It seemed unreal, your being and its pureness, the unfaltering good that you portrayed.

How could he say no to you?

So he stood with a sigh, pointing an accusing finger at you as he warned, “You owe me.”

He snatched the violin from his friend’s hands, the man whose name you still didn’t know, and swayed to the front of the tavern. The fancy rooms your past rendezvous had taken place in couldn’t compare to this place, you were sure.

Because of the cheers and the clinking of cups, the whistling and cheer of Taehyung’s name – you couldn’t have met this level of merriment anywhere else.

But when Taehyung placed the violin on his shoulder, lifting the bow, everyone present fell silent as though they were witnessing the event of the century. Here and there, you heard a hissed “Psst”; could feel the intense pricking up of ears.

And when he played, you knew why.

Because the melody, full of melancholy and yearning, nostalgia and affection, reverberated through your body. It struck a chord you hadn’t known yet, a rhythm so wonderful that you caught yourself sighing half a dozen times.

Your fingers wrapped around the edge of the desk, keeping you steady; you didn’t know whether it was the beer or Taehyung’s skills that were pushing you into dizziness.

His eyes were closed, eyelashes brushing his cheeks. He was pouting, focused on the rich tones he played, the crease between his eyebrows appearing and vanishing every now and then. The piece, whether his original or not, was soft and gentle, similarly to him; yet powerful, touching.

You were used to the piano; growing up, you’d heard your mother play at least one morning a week, and you’d admired the soft flutter of her fingers over the keys throughout all those years. The violin was different. It was louder, shriller – but Taehyung managed to remind you of your mother’s gentle musical abilities within seconds.

The bow in his hand shook until it hit the last note; and when the music died down, thunderous applause replaced it momentarily.

You only noticed you’d stood up when his eyes shifted to yours and your knees almost buckled. You’d clapped your hands wound, loudly and smiling, your eyes damp from the emotions two or three mere minutes had evoked in you.

Taehyung touched you with his words… touched you with music. When you held his stare, sniffling and oddly proud, you wondered how he’d feel and what he’d say if he touched your skin, too.

Because… you thought his body would wrap around yours like a dream. You imagined the same tunes would play in the background when his lips roamed your shoulders, his hands on your waist, pulling you closer.

For a moment, you pretended that you were all he saw and knew, and that the man, desired by the whole room, was your acquaintance, yours for the night – and yours only. Which didn’t mean anyone else got the hint – because as soon as he stepped off the non-existent stage, greedy hands pulled him aside.

Giggling girls immediately threw questions and compliments his way, fingers fiddling with the fabric of his clothing. One of them brushed back his soft, dark hair – you’d never touched it before, no matter how much you’d desired to do so.

You didn’t think much of it – your gaze wandered low, your mind ridding itself of thoughts about their fingers roaming his body, planting charming offers into his head. But when you looked up again, he was staring back. Never looking away.

Like he was silently pleading to skip the moment and be in your proximity again.

It took him seconds that you counted to escape the greasy grips of the hungry pack of lionesses, and his feet carried him to you in a matter of moments as he offered, “Let’s go.”

The night was still young – but you ached to be alone with him. And judging the telling smirk in his face, you assumed that he’d had enough of the chaos, too.

You felt giddy, somewhat dazed when he offered his hand and pulled you out of the tavern. And though he let your palm go once outside, you didn’t miss the blur in his eyes either. Despite the mist, however, you thought you recognised firm hardness behind the gentle, sweet honey in his pupils.

You remembered the secrets he harboured; secrets that you thought he wanted to spill, secrets you wanted to know about. But detecting the hardness, you couldn’t quite shake the feeling there was something about him that might break your heart.

No matter how lovely he was, there was still overt caution in your movements and actions that he was steadily destroying. You wanted to heed the dangerous signals his mysterious being sent, but there was also an aura of comfort surrounding him that pulled you back.

The coldness, however…

“That was wonderful,” you told him as you walked down the path, straight to where your house stood.

“I’m happy you enjoyed it.”

“Everyone did.”

“They always do. But I played it for you.”

But you wondered, if he said that every night he went there – if there was a certain someone, or a new someone he played for each time he touched the violin. Why was he not as transparent as you? Why, with the puzzles his mind consisted of, did he unconsciously plant confusion in your head?

And why, with the despair that flashed each time you detected he was hiding something, did it seem like he was not only attempting to escape himself, but his own riddles, too?

You were sure that behind his chest, there was a stone instead of a heart. That in reality, it was fear, or perhaps numbness, and that he was desperately trying to fight it.

But when he’d touched your hand, dragged you outside, his skin had felt like silk. Soft, tender. Ambiguous, dual.

Overwhelmed and figuring out why your chest burned, you could barely breathe when he escorted you home. Your arms kept brushing, fabric between you rustling. His fingers ran through his tresses, and your heart raced some more; the fuzzy feeling in your stomach made you want to scream.

Did he have poems for this emotion, too?

And you hated it when you arrived at your door, darkness engulfing the quiet night. Stars shone onto you brightly, but they weren’t enough to function as proper light. But when he moved closer… forcing you backwards… hands behind his back – you reckoned you didn’t need to see him to go insane anyway.

“I want to see you again,” he whispered, speaking over the hooting of the owls, “will you let me see you again?”

You hadn’t hinted that this was your final night together even once. You didn’t know where his sudden worries came from, but you would’ve been a fool to not soothe them.

“Yes,” you answered, tipsy and nearly panting; sure that both your breaths were mingling. At least, you could feel his warmth brush your cheeks. “I want to see you again as well.”

“You do?”

Reflexively, your shaky hand travelled up his torso and settled on his chest when he inched closer – even though his clothes covered the entirety of his skin, he felt warm, his body broad. You wondered if your touch affected him at all. Lured him in more.

But he didn’t let you know of his inner turmoil, if there was any, or perhaps you were too tired and gone to notice. The only words you registered, sounding over the thump of your heart, were, “What did you think of tonight?”

“I… I loved it.”

“Good.”

“Did you, too?”

“I don’t know,” he murmured, tilting his head slowly, “I can’t remember doing anything but looking at you.”

His fingertips touched the back of your hand, still resting on his chest as if to keep a distance between you. You’d wanted him close all night – but now you thought that if his body moved towards you just a bit more, he’d feel your chest explode.

Taehyung didn’t attempt any more tonight, though.

He smiled the way he always did; brushed aside his hair once more; readied himself to walk away. And when the ringing in your ears finally stilled, you noticed a beat against your hand.

No stone underneath his ribs after all.

Taehyung was fond of Sunday mornings, and you soon learned why.

The world was sound asleep at those early hours. On a free day, when no work or education called, people tended to sleep in and dream some longer. But not Taehyung.

He always said that indulging in dreams didn’t mean a thing if your body didn’t move an inch off the bed. Taehyung pulled his dreams from his memory and gathered them in his palm; then, he blew them into the air like glitter and followed their traces.

He made reality his dreams and lived his days chasing whatever he declared beautiful and worthy enough to chase. And beauty truly did lay in the eye of the beholder – because he found dazzling perfection in things that you didn’t before.

In small alleyways. In thunderstorms. Dirty taverns, abandoned old homes, odd looking wildflowers.

By spending time with him, you’d learnt how to value tiny moments in life and how days were about being productive. Not that it was bad to do nothing sometimes, but pretty dreams were just pretty dreams after all – hard to let go but easy to forget. 

And the endless hours you walked around with him, letting him guide you through unknown places, showed you without fail that his words were memorable when he uttered them with both your eyes open. They locked into your memory easier than when he roamed your dreams, soon becoming one himself.

Those days… that was before he’d turned things into a nightmare.

“Who can say then exactly what I feel, and maybe this is a deep sin,” Taehyung murmured, breathing in, eyes lifted to the sun.

The canoe swayed lightly, following the path of the river, and your eyes darted from water lilies to his body. His back was pressed against the low walls of the wooden boat, legs stretched and crossed. He had his trousers rolled up and the collar of his shirt danced in the summer breeze.

This was the most relaxed you’d ever seen him – you wondered if he’d truly brought you here because you’d mentioned it or because it brought him a sense of peace, too.

You didn’t know what you enjoyed more: the tranquillity and clarity he wallowed in, utterly endearing and gorgeous, or the flutter of your heart he’d caused merely an hour ago. The fog in your mind had settled with intention to stay the moment you noticed where he’d taken you.

He’d told you to cover your eyes and pulled you into a random direction, insisting that you weren’t allowed to ruin the surprise. Only, the surprise wasn’t as random as you thought – and in all honesty, having recognised the bushes and tree lines at the beginning, you somewhat guessed where he was taking you.

And suddenly, you were here, stepping into a canoe with a gaping mouth; you shook your head in delight, squeezing his hand, and thanked him a thousand times for not only his attentiveness but for bringing you genuine happiness on this Sunday morning, too.

If there were ways to fall into the abyss that he was any deeper, then you’d found at least one of them. And you couldn’t climb to the surface anymore.

“You can’t end it here,” you told him, patting his ankles from the other side of the boat. “You need to give me the whole poem or nothing.”

“That’s half the fun, though. Take it as a riddle and find out about it,” Taehyung joked, turning the smile into a candied chuckle when he heard you groan. “Fine. I’ll give you a name. Sophie Albrecht. The rest is your problem.”

“You’re incredibly insufferable.”

“I must be doing something right if you’re still here, though,” he remarked, blinking before he shot you a look. He shut one of his eyes close again, squinting at you as a finger rubbed his eyelids. “I’m seeing stars.”

“Well, that’s because you’d been ignoring me for ten minutes.”

“I was not ignoring you,” Taehyung defended, playfully outraged and shocked, “I was thinking of you.”

His flattering words hit you like a brick every single time. They erupted out of nowhere, like lava from a volcano, flooded and burned your lungs and heart beyond recognition. Bashfully, you stared back at the fish in the water, questioning, “What could you be thinking about me?”

“Right now? How the poem fits you,” he answered, leaning forward, “you and me, both.”

“Oh.”

“But…” He hesitated, followed your gaze to the fish before he stared back and you met his eyes. “I catch myself thinking about you a lot… these days.” You thought he noticed the moment your heart jumped out of your chest – because something flickered in his eyes, mirroring danger and longing, and he whispered, “You’re like a damn fever.”

Taehyung’s personality, albeit captivating, was tinged with diffidence. It showed when he brought you to new places, nervous to gauge your reaction. You saw it when you walked towards him in the first few moments. And you knew about the timidness that sometimes surfaced when he recited his poems.

But when he let his heart speak and flattered you with whatever floated through his mind, most of his nervousness faded immediately. He never feared your reactions then, because he knew he had nothing to lose – instead, he made you lose your sanity.

The chirping of birds pulled you back into reality. Your surroundings cleared and the blur dispersed, though Taehyung still enjoyed your unwavering focus, building the centre of the image you were staring at.

Being with him was like a trance – you never noticed you’d slipped into it until something broke you out of it.

You cleared your throat and sucked in a breath between your teeth. You ran a finger along the edges of the boat, brushing against the paddle, and told him, “You didn’t have to do this, by the way.”

“Do what?”

You gestured to the trees and the water. “Bring me all the way out here.”

“It’s alright. I enjoy the view, too.”

But most of the time, he’d been looking at you.

“I…” you began, pulling your legs closer to your body to place your chin on your knees. “I was thinking. And I’d really love to read a book of yours.”

Taehyung’s face lit up for a moment, but then fell again. Unspoken emotions suddenly invaded his peace before he let his smile fall and said, “You won’t find any book by me.”

“Why not?”

This wasn’t the first time he was telling you that – but he never disclosed his reasoning either. Today, however, you leaned into him, still keeping a safe distance, touching his calves as you insisted, “Why not? Are you really a writer, Kim Taehyung?”

It was supposed to be a light-hearted joke; some of his forehead wrinkles disappeared, but he still seemed on edge. Teeth nibbled on his lower lip, hair covering his drooping eyes, and his head fell, eyes staring at the wooden ground of the boat between his legs.

And you decided to drop the topic once and for all before he suddenly admitted, “I… wrote under a different name. A pseudonym.”

The information hit you with full force.

You shouldn’t have been surprised – he was a mystery, an enigma, a puzzle, riddle; whatever you’d already used to describe him as. There were probably a gazillion things you didn’t know about him – but perhaps it was the change in identity that threw you off so suddenly.

Because to you, he was Kim Taehyung.

You couldn’t imagine him as anyone else – his words belonged to him. His face, his hands, his voice, his body. They were undoubtedly Kim Taehyung and no one else; but now, he was another persona?

“May I know?” you tried, quiet and unsure.

“Maybe one day.”

“That’s unfair, I–”

You didn’t get to defend your point of view or urge to read his thoughts any further – because without prior warning, the water left to your boat broke, the shimmering surface disturbed when waterlife meddled with your peace of day.

It was a fish bigger than your head, flapping through the air, aggressive and attacking, and had your boat not moved forward in the meantime, it would’ve landed either on your lap or in the boat. Flapping some more, grappling for air, so utterly stupid to jump out of the river in the first place.

With a yelp, you fell backwards awkwardly, close to waving the canoe goodbye when strong and firm hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you in. Struck with fear, you flailed your arms the way the fish’s body had, almost breaking Taehyung’s jaw and bringing the boat to a dangerous shake.

The water had long cleared and calmed down again when the carp, you assumed, had gone back to swim in the peaceful river. You steadied your stagnant breaths, letting your body go limp in his grip. And only when the temporary shock subsided, did you properly realise what was happening.

Taehyung was silent. Arms still around your waist, he didn’t make a move to let go just yet – instead, you stayed just like that, unconsciously pressing yourself into him. He took in your scent; brushed back the strands of hair that had escaped.

Then, he swallowed; and you couldn’t see his face, but you thought he sported a bewitching beam when he asked, “Are you hurt?”

You shook your head immediately, planting your palms on his hands, breathing, “No. I’m alright. Thank you…”

Taehyung’s lips roamed close to your heated cheek, fingers escaping from underneath your hands to play with more loose hair strands of yours. His heartbeat hammered against your back and synchronised with your own sometimes; rapid in one moment, seemingly still as the water in the next.

And you didn’t understand your surroundings or recognised them as what they were until he whispered into your ear, “The bridge you love.”

With the way his fingertips explored clothed parts of your body, ghosting over your sides and your clavicles, you couldn’t keep your deepest desires veiled as you had until now. The goosebumps on your bare wrists and underarms were too telling, your shaky breaths and gasps too obvious.

You looked up into his face, eyes locking on his lips, and caught him staring back. His mouth was parted and his gaze hooded, darker than usual; the waters in it weren’t as calm as the ones surrounding you.

“Taehyung,” you mumbled, and he almost missed it, your voice timid and thin. “Tae–”

You whimpered when his hand travelled along your neck before it came to a halt on your jaw. The boat swayed, though remaining steady, but there was a tumult raging in your heart that made you dig your nails into his arms.

Hissing, he brought his free fingers down your body, touching your stomach and your hip over your dress. Tugged at the fabric until he revealed your legs, up to your knees, enraptured by your skin and your trembling limbs.

“May I?”

The deep baritone of his voice vibrated against your temple, lips barely touching your hair. You couldn’t recall how long you’d been waiting for this moment; when the profound yearning had started. 

But as you closed your eyes, a smile spread on your face and a fire expanded in your stomach. It burned the butterflies and gave way to seething pleasure and longing; and seeking salvation, you nodded, whispering a single, “Yes.”

The pads of his digits pressed into your thigh immediately, and you sighed, attempting your best to trace his movements with your eyes. But they kept fluttering shut, giving into whatever he was doing or trying to do.

He painted circles and other forms onto your skin, wandering the way up to where your most sensitive part lay covered. Taehyung moved slowly – but you wiggled in his grip, eagerly and silently begging.

The image of you, pliant in his grasp, had floated in his craving mind for longer than today. He couldn’t remember what he’d imagined or what he’d fallen asleep to. You had become his new cube, a new imaginary paradise to retreat to; that’s all he truly knew.

But this.

You.

Outside of the fantasies he indulged in under the sheets, alone in his dark bedroom, feeling the phantom touch of your hands all over him.

And his hands all over you.

He didn’t have a clue how, but you were astonishing beyond belief, right here in the real world. And for possibly the first time in his life, he muttered, “I don’t know what to say.”

Your breath hitched when he pushed against your soaked panties; and then your heart stilled when he pushed them aside slowly. You bit your lower lip, dizzy from the motions of the boat, dizzy from his touch; but somehow, you still managed to remark, “You… you always know what to say.”

“Not with you.” A pause, and then quieter, lower, “Not right now.”

“You call yourself… a writer.”

“No… a fool.”

His hands pushed your legs apart, holding your panties to the side, before his fingers touched your dampness ever-so-slightly. You could barely feel them ghosting over your heat, humming and crazed; but when he pressed a digit between your nether lips and dove into the wet sensation carefully, you thought you were losing your mind.

“Taehyung,” you repeated, and he pulled your body up, further into his lap. “I–”

“Yes.”

“I’ve been wanting this.”

“Me too.”

“Ever since I first saw you.”

Shit. Fuck. 

What was he supposed to tell you? That you were a haunting demon, stalking his dreams and thoughts and mind every waking second? That he couldn’t stop thinking of you, of your smile, your body, your touch?

That whenever he closed his eyes, he wondered how you tasted, how you felt under him, trapped and pinned; his lips on your shoulder, your neck, your mouth. That there were so many things he needed to tell you, but that would never topple off his tongue, because he was scared.

Scared that you’d fall deeper. That he’d fall deeper. Scared of how far you’d dig to learn things about him. Scared of what you’d think once you found out.

“Please,” you suddenly pleaded, looking at him, guiding his hand to the bundle of nerves with the same innocence written in your eyes as always.

To Taehyung, you were the most sensual and most ironic free verse poem ever written.

“Please.”

“God, the patience,” he said, two endlessly long fingers rubbing your clit before they found their way back to the entrance – and pushed in, “you have none of it.”

You gasped and moaned, pushing yourself up some more, entirely delirious when you felt his arm close in around your chest. He held you pressed against his body, and the hand not shoving his fingers into you snuck its way up to your neck. Pressed into your skin.

Then moved down, eyes falling at your dekolleté as he tugged at the strings bound to a bow. With your dress loosened around your chest, he explored the warmth of your flesh further, digging underneath the clothing until he let his fingers pinch your erect nipples.

He was too much… his hands cupping your breasts, kneading and scratching, enjoying the feeling of you… you were perishing inside.

“I’ve more than you know,” you cried out.

His fingers pushed in and out of you tenderly, the sounds hot and lewd; he curled them and rubbed the same spot over and over again, moaning in unison with you. His thumb soon settled on your aching nub, circling it slowly – you were astounded and surprised.

None of your previous flames or affair had ever known to handle a woman like this. Taehyung knew what he was doing; and it filled you with jealousy, intrigue and contentment.

“Untrue,” he contradicted, dying a small death each time you winced and moaned, “you’re always in such a hurry.”

“I’m… I’m not.”

“Pity. So what if I left you high and dry?” he questioned, biting into your earlobe before soothing the ache with a kiss. “If I just…”

And suddenly, you were empty, his fingers gone, and you protested, close to tears. “No. I… please, finish it, I’m–”

“You’re… what?” Taehyung teased, kissing your temple. “What do you want?”

“What I want?” you asked, mock apparent in your voice, mixed with a hint of irritation and frustration. “What do you think?” The volume of your voice grew, and you spat your next words, “What do you think have I wanted from the very freaking begi–”

This time, you didn’t get a warning.

This time, you gasped for air, surprised by the hand wrapping around your throat like a necklace. He pushed your head back and up, against his shoulder, wet kisses landing on your jaw; his tongue was hot and dizzying against your skin, calming in contrast to his light nips.

He shoved his fingers into you with a welcoming yet unforeseen force, pumping harshly, watching your body lift from his lap and fall back repeatedly. Sometime during your sins on the river, you felt the hardness of his length poke against your bottom, throbbing and hungry.

And you didn’t need to guess what he was thinking, because he told you, “If I could… I’d ruin you thoroughly. Take you until the sun sets and rises again…” He paused, breathing heavily, relishing your mewls and constant squirms. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

Your waterline dampened and your chin trembled; pleas fell out of your mouth – and before you could count to five, your whole body was quivering, your voice rising. You bit your fist to muffle your noises as every inch of your body collapsed.

Limbs turned weightless and the knot in your stomach dissolved, and as your eyes rolled back in utmost pleasure, you heard him say, “Told you… no patience.”

Only when your shiver calmed down, did he let you go. The hand on your neck fell, fingers drenched in arousal painting a crude trail along your thighs.

You didn’t move off his lap, savouring the moment some more. A fantastical amount of joy coursed your body when the godless lust passed by and gave way to fondness and honey.

Because when his arms wrapped around yours, there was no wicked intention behind it; your dress was long covering your legs again. Instead, you heard nature sing its songs, the river flowing for what felt like hours as his embrace lifted every evil worry you’d ever encountered in your life.

You couldn’t overthink and analyse the situation until the night ended. When he brought you home and left again, tinted cheeks smiling at you as his fingers tucked your hair behind your ears.

Your beam was bright when you let your door shut behind you tonight – and your knees were weak, so weak that you dropped against the heavy door, enraptured and falling.

This was the point of no return.

NOW

There had never been a point of return.

In retrospect, you were doomed when you saw him for the first time. You should’ve known that he was going to end you thoroughly, that you would never be able to go back to how your life was before you knew him.

Sometimes, you ask yourself if you should’ve been more incessant. If you should’ve prodded more, demanded answers to your questions, not let him keep his damned mysterious mask on that he loved so much.

You wipe the dust off your old poetry book, combing the pages for the words you have memorised by now. Taehyung was right – he couldn’t tell you what more Sophie Albrecht’s poem consisted of. Because if he had, you’d known what had bubbled in his heart.

Because the poetess spoke about drunken love; fervent kisses; yearning and pining and longing, intense and torturous… magnificent and beautiful.

And yet with passionate lingering, my mouth stays glowing at your lips.

You shut the book and let your eyes drift over the pile you pulled out of your shelf. You place the poetry next to a novel; one that you have probably read a couple hundred times. The name of the author calls upon a burning, piercing sting; today, of course, you understand why he’d never told you his pseudonym, but his birth name.

You laugh.

The only truth he ever told you voluntarily, without you having to pull it out of him, was his name.

Kim Taehyung.

You were the only one who knew that he’d been born as Kim Taehyung. The only thing he ever confessed to you so blatantly.

And other than that… Why couldn’t he confide in you? And why did he disappear, left you in your melancholy, everlingering and everstaying.

Taehyung… this can’t be what your wonderful phenomenon of fate had written out for the both of you.

THEN

The first time Taehyung opened the gate to his little, humble home, he led you into his office holding your hands gently. 

Your fingers were wounded and aching from stitching several dresses yesterday, and had he not taken your palm into his, greeting you with a tender kiss on the back of your hand, you might not have said anything at all.

But he had top notch remedies to soothe the sting your needles caused; and while he came up with the idea, he used his medical kit as the ultimate excuse to keep you closer to him. In his own four walls, showing you where he slept and ate. To him, this was a sense of intimacy – because it wasn’t as though he brought home a girl every day.

Or at least, not anymore.

“I’m fine,” you assured, slowing down your steps. He was walking backwards and close to you, squeezing your hand, drowning in your eyes. “We can go anywhere you want. I know you despise being at home.”

“I don’t mind,” he said, the same as usual, “and it feels a bit more like home with you in it.”

Your cheeks heated up and you giggled like a child, tilting your head as you fell for him harder, deeper. He let your hands go once inside his office, and the shadows in his face darkened, merely dim rays of the sun shining between his curtains and into the room.

His touch, however, didn’t leave your body just yet – because within a second, he had you pulled into his body, one hand on your back, the other palm on the side of your neck.

Since you knew Taehyung, your lips had never touched his. But after the incident on the boat, something between you had cracked. Like every semblance of courage was suddenly roaming free. The way he hugged you, the way he touched you.

It wasn’t what good acquaintances did.

But you two… not quite friends. Not quite lovers.

”The utmost share of my desire shall be… only to kiss the air that–”

“That lately kissed thee,” you finished, proud and satisfied, “I have read this one for once.”

Taehyung laughed airily, and you saw his soul floating and jumping behind his eyes. Stars twinkled in his pupils once again, bringing night at bright noon. You felt enamoured and faint – you’d never considered that a warm hand on your neck could twist your guts like this.

“I missed you all night,” Taehyung whispered; you didn’t know which night he meant. You hadn’t seen or talked to him in a week. But he clarified, “I missed you every night. And every day. Every damn moment, even when I slept.”

Taehyung was a writer… he was a writer indeed.

And he sucked you in the way your favourite novels did.

Your breaths accelerated as though you had run up a hill – nearly panting, unsteady, anticipating. His nose brushed yours as he moved closer, his mouth parting and eyes shooting daggers of affection into yours.

“Do you ever miss me, too?”

Did you miss him?

Do stars miss the moon when it’s not full? Does the shore survive without waves? Did a life without Kim Taehyung still exist, still sound imaginable?

Did you ever miss him, too?

“Taehyung,” you mumbled, hands on his chest, fumbling with the two open buttons of his shirt, “does anyone ever escape you?”

“I always want to escape myself,” he admitted. You still didn’t quite know what he meant; those statements weren’t rare, but you still couldn’t make him lay open his heart entirely. “But I don’t want you to escape me.”

Taehyung wasn’t made of stones. His body didn’t consist of a cold rock; behind his chest, a bleeding heart pounded.

Taehyung was all cotton and silk.

All cotton and silk.

“I don’t want to either.”

And then, he closed in.

Brushed his lips against yours. Hardly breathing, feeling your fingers curl into fists against his chest.

But before his mouth could finally meet yours, a sudden triple knock pulled you out of your red coloured box of affection. You flinched the same moment he did, and your heads shot to the entrance, perplexed and questioning.

Next to the open door, a girl in a nightgown appeared slowly. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest, and her expression was somehow trist. But then she smiled, and you reckoned, the melancholy only inhabited her eyes – that she was young, perhaps twenty years old and that everyone carries a sense of despair at that age.

Drawing a breath, Taehyung’s eyes flickered between her and you, and you were confused – didn’t know why a girl stood in the middle of his room. His place. Pretty and young, smiling, matching his ethereal glow even in a nightgown.

“I think I know who you are,” her almost juvenile voice chimed, and she leaned against the doorframe, her feet bare and her legs crossed. She called your name, dragged and stretched it out. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to know you. Or that he’d bring you home.”

You searched for answers in the room, looking at her with a squint and then at him with wide eyes. What is happening? you were seeming to ask, and Taehyung, albeit hesitant, soon provided an answer.

“She’s my cousin. My mother’s sister’s daughter,” Taehyung explained, fingers still curled into yours, though the warmth of his body had left yours, “her name’s Hana.”

Hana. Another secret he’d kept from you effectively.

“I didn’t know,” you told her, smiling softly. “It’s good to meet you, Hana.”

In some ways, Taehyung and Hana looked alike. She had the same nose as him. The same dark eyes, soft black hair, full lips that turned into rectangles when she grinned the way she did right now.

“I would’ve been surprised if you had known. Taehyung enjoys being a mystery.”

If this wasn’t the truest declaration you’d ever heard.

“Don’t you have studies to do?” Taehyung scolded, hissing through gritted teeth. He was riled up. Not as calm as he usually was. “Or anything else.”

“Yes. Christ,” Hana rolled her eyes, pushing herself off the wall, “I just wanted to come and wish you a good day. I’m gone.”

And then she stepped out, throwing her untamed hair back, announcing one last thing that you didn’t fully understand. But your focus soon shifted to the relieved exhale Taehyung left out, eyes staring at you in apology before he told you, “I will get you something for your fingers.”

“Thank you…”

Why was all of this so odd? Why did the picture of her face, of her and him together, bring a hidden memory or déjà-vu to the surface that was too blurry to make out?

Something chewed at your brain, and you couldn’t help but feel confused.

You pushed the irritating perplexity aside and stepped into the middle of the room to refocus. Turning in a slow circle, you scanned the room in a 360-view, admiring the set-up of his office.

The room was as organised as Taehyung’s thoughts were, every piece of furniture at its place neatly. A chimney stood in front of the sofa, and under the latter, you detected a carpet of dark but soothing colours.

As you walked around in tiny steps, fingers crossed behind your back, you realised how undoubtedly the interior of Taehyung’s place mirrored his personality. Calm, quiet, comforting.

The only misplaced object that disrupted the peace lay on the chair in front of his desk, opened at a random page and its spine worn out. You leaned closer, picking it up to read the first sentences on the page.

Initially, a smile grew on your face, baffled and impressed by the otherworldly metaphors and writing style. The words felt pleasant on your tongue as you whispered them, flowing like the calm river water you loved.

You turned the book and peeked at the title; you didn’t recognise it, but the author’s name seemed familiar to you. The concept of the novel was a lost memory itself, but looking at the cover, you thought you could still remember having read this very novel years ago.

But the realisation of its background didn’t hit you until you skimmed the next three pages, diving into the lives of a couple who fell in love and fell apart. A famous author who met the woman of his dreams; the page that you’d opened described their separation, tear-filled, desperate and heartbreaking.

The name of the characters; the sunset the girl gazed into; her movements, her words, his goodbyes.

You knew about them.

You never jumped on the train of bestselling novels much. You preferred underrated writers who no one had heard of, stories hidden in the back of a bookstore that you made your own; deemed your very own world.

Big, supposedly groundbreaking books never captured your attention for too long, so you forgot about them fast.

This one however? How had you forgotten about it? Considering its aftermath… you should’ve recognised things earlier.

But since the confessions written on the yellowed pages had caught your attention, broken pieces of a story you’d heard at gatherings returned. Back when you would go out more, meet couples for coffee and tea, hearing them tattle about people far away.

A stranger country. A writer in an affair with a woman who had gone mad. Claiming the novel was about him and her. An obsession dangerous enough to invade his home and confront him about it.

And he had reacted in a way no author should – no authorities were involved until the woman rested on the ground with closed eyes and a bleeding head. A dish used as a weapon in the writer’s hand.

“I found it.”

The cheerfulness in his voice shattered your heart. You hated that you couldn’t despise him – hated that you’d learned of emotions that you’d never felt before. That despite everything his past consisted of, you couldn’t shake the feeling that Kim Taehyung was a different person from the one you remembered.

Remembering before you had even ever spoken to him.

“You were brave to get so close to me,” you mumbled.

You didn’t know what more to say – you were too scared, your voice too strained, to tell him straightforwardly what you’d seen.

“What?” Taehyung asked, stepping closer.

His hand sunk, his fist closing around whatever he was holding for you. You shook your head, taking a step back, bumping against his table as you held up the book and told him, “Cha Yujin.”

And that was… that was when he froze. Like an ice sculpture, halting in the middle of his steps, gulping with eyes so wide you thought they’d fall out of their sockets.

“How could I not remember?” you reprimanded yourself, sniffling, feeling a hot tear trail down your cheek. “The novel that caused all your problems. And Cha Yujin. You’re… absolutely…”

He called your name, stretching out a hand as he whispered, “Let me explain it to you.”

“You’re revolting. And you touched me. Almost kissed me, for God’s sake, and made me fall for… what, a criminal?”

“No.”

“No?”

”No,” he exclaimed, and you shrunk, dropping the book on the table before you wrapped your arms around your chest and made a move to step out.

Walking past him, however, proved to be the biggest task, much as expected. Because his arm shot out and his fingers wrapped around your wrist, tugging you back to his body before his sad eyes fell on yours.

Kim Taehyung had a wistful and sombre gaze. Even when he was happy, there were hints of dreaminess and quietude. Usually, those skills of his eyes enchanted you. Today, they scared the hell out of you.

“Let me go,” you ordered, fighting out of his grip, but he was stubborn.

“I need to explain…”

“You can’t possibly explain this.”

“I’m not…” he started, jabbing holes of desperation into you, “please, I wouldn’t hurt you, I promise, I–”

You stilled, crying, out of your mind and fearing the worst.

“I could never hurt you.”

“But you would and could hurt someone else,” you argued, pulling back once his fingers loosened, “you did hurt someone else.”

But he was still shaking his head when you backed away. When you closed the distance between you and the door, eager to walk out, scared beyond sanity. And the fright in your head only grew once he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

And to yourself, your heart, the time you’d wasted… you were sorry, too.

It had rained last night.

The pavement was still damp and drying, and clouds still hung over the town gloomily. Today was a little colder than you were used to from the summer, and you rubbed the skin of your wrist, wearing a thin dress that had already earned you some questioning stares.

Or perhaps, it was your tears.

Your form sat on a bench in a stranger park, ignoring every single body passing by you in slow motion. You couldn’t register the way they were regarding you; there were bigger clefts in your world. Ones that you were trying so desperately to mend.

It was absurd to expect instantaneous relief; but what else could you hope for with the constant cuts injuring your heart?

You couldn’t remember anymore when you’d run away. When you’d left his neighbourhood behind and found this very bench. When it had become so cold, or how long you’d been crying and pitying yourself.

All you knew was that the steps approaching came way too fast. And you wanted them gone; you weren’t ready for further grief, couldn’t take whatever they needed you to hear.

“Did he tell you to come?” you asked, your voice breaking and fragile. “To lie more for him.”

“No,” Hana said, calm and firm. She had her hands folded in front of her body, her movements careful. “He didn’t want me to come here because of what happened.”

“This is ridiculous and you both kno–”

“What is? What’s ridiculous?” Hana inched closer, shrugging her shoulders with a pained expression on her face. “That he’s trying to start a new life? That he found you on the way? That I’ve never seen him this happy… or falling this hard.”

Your tears returned in full force, and you wiped them away with the back of your hand – to no avail, because there were too many of them, endless and stinging. You took a deep breath, rubbing your wet cheeks, and slowly, quietly, said, “I can’t hear this. I don’t…”

“And I cannot let you tap in the dark. Or let you keep asking yourself why he did what he did, because you will never find peace like that,” Hana stated, and you despised how much sense her logic made. “He didn’t want me to come because he’d rather you hate him than me.”

“I don’t… I don’t know you, Hana.”

“And you don’t need to.” She flattened her dress and tucked it under her legs before she took a seat next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder that you almost shook off again. “But listen to me.”

Your head was spinning by the time she attempted to start her story. Your body felt as though it was physically moving in circles, and you held onto your head, letting it fall between your shoulders.

“Cha Yujin didn’t die.”

Hana’s voice was faint, echoing. It mingled with your surroundings; the chirping of birds and the quiet chatter of passengers. But her words were sharp, cutting through your mind, widening your eyes.

Your head shot up in a sudden motion, too fast for its liking and it still spun and swirled when you murmured, “What?”

“Yujin is alive. And she’s not the victim that the police and newspaper made her out to be.”

“Where… what happened?”

“She was a reader of his. Knew every word of the novel he’d written. But she was also one of the secret affairs he’d had.”

Something about her tone and her revelation threw your heart into a pit. To all the things you thought you knew, this information didn’t belong. You wondered if anyone knew – wondered if whatever had happened years ago had ever reached at least part of the public eye.

“Taehyung used to enjoy a lot of women’s company. Back when his name was still known all over the country, it was easy for him to find the next bed to jump into. And Yujin was similar… just. Went on for a longer time.”

You listened intently, though your brain begged and urged you to blend it out. You didn’t know what hurt more – the partial truth in the crime story, Taehyung’s old habits or the assumption that you might have been another one of his… pleasures.

And you didn’t know which thought to focus on.

“And Yujin was convinced that the novel… a romantic one at that… was about him and her,” Hana continued, fiddling with her fingers, visibly nervous. “So she came to our home. Long after my parents had died, and I’d started living under Taehyung’s wing. She came to our home and claimed she just wanted to talk.”

She shook her head, sucking in a shaky breath, eyes drooping in exhaustion, “And they did talk. He told her no woman had inspired the novel. She couldn’t accept that… to the point that she started yelling and throwing things, and Taehyung had to build a barrier of chairs so she wouldn’t hurt him.”

In the middle of the narrative, she silenced, swallowing the knot of distress, and in a moment of odd solidarity, you put a warm hand on her knee and spurred her on, “And then?”

And then.

Hana elaborated on the curses and threats Yujin had thrown Taehyung’s way. Described the scars and harmless wounds he’d shown his cousin after everything had ended. They weren’t deep, but they reminded him of the night for days; not that there was any reality in which he could forget anyway.

Yujin had physically opted to attack Taehyung, and he had never lifted a finger against her, enduring because he was certain she would have had enough in just a second. But when the anger advanced, and the girl slipped into incurable mania, Hana stepped out of the room that she’d promised to not leave.

No matter what happened.

“But I couldn’t just let her hurt him,” her voice was quivering, and she kept repeating her sentences, calming her mind and her nerves, “and I saw this… this kettle standing on the dining table. I swear I didn’t want to knock her out like that, but I didn’t know what to do and I promise it was just self defence, so–”

You rubbed her knee in reassurance, cooing at her, but she couldn’t help the tears that started flowing. They collected on her chin and fell in droplets, eyelashes wet and long – strangely, you couldn’t muster the strength to cry.

Not now. Not when the whole story was ridiculous, bewildering.

Was she making it up?

She didn’t look like it.

“What happened to Yujin then?” you asked softly. You didn’t know if empathy outweighed your curiosity – but you needed the truth.

“Mental institution…” is all Hana mumbled, stopping for a minute as she stared at a distant fleck in the sky.

Terror had spread across her face and her chest; she said that even today, she sometimes felt her fingers tremble the way they had that day. When they had seen the unconscious body on the ground, half breathing, somewhat alive.

You wondered whether she was thinking about it now, too. Whether you were supposed to shake her out of her grief and fears.

“Taehyung never let me tell anyone the truth. Took the blame and was considered guilty without testifying. He was barely allowed to defend himself, because the police in our town were corrupt. Which was ridiculous, because Taehyung wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Hana continued, still shaken by her story and memories, “Yujin’s family is richer than any of Taehyung’s books could make him.”

“He took the blame for you?”

“He said he’d promised to take care of me. He decided to do it this way.”

“I don’t understand,” you said, rubbing your forehead, processing whatever you’d heard and gotten told, “how did the both of you get here then?”

Hana smiled, but her eyes portrayed different emotions. Her tears had subsided, her stare tired; she looked exactly how you presumed she felt.

Like someone who had carried the weight of sorrow for years, and now voiced parts of it – unfathomable feelings that had gathered in a ball of stress had been released into the open. You couldn’t imagine how fatigued she felt.

“We… we fled. Before they could capture us.” You drew the pleasant evening air to stop the whirling of your mind, not believing what you had gotten yourself into. She looked at the horror in your face, defending, “You don’t understand. They would have jailed him and tortured him. They loved Yujin’s family and would have killed Taehyung if they’d wanted that.”

The thoughts and possibilities she listed were scarring. Even though they weren’t real, just what could have been, what never had been – they gutted you, stabbing your heart, entangling your thoughts.

“The public did not talk about his birth name. They knew his ridiculous pseudonym, so coming here, living his life as Kim Taehyung… even if he barely spoke about his identity… was an easy way out.”

Now that she pointed out all these things, you realised that it hadn’t been his name that you’d found familiar when he’d introduced himself to you. It was his face, and you’d most likely seen it somewhere when his story blew up, in passing.

“I know… It’s why he never lets me read his books…”

She blinked at you in slight disbelief – you couldn’t tell why. But the emotion vanished as soon as it had emerged, and you ignored the short flicker of it when she continued.

“I suppose so. We came a long way,” Hana concluded, sniffling and wiping her eyes, “from a place far away. None of us can risk anything. And… I know it’s a lot to ask, and I don’t hold any expectations from you. But I would do anything for you to… to not spread our secrets.”

You removed your hand from her knee, entwining your fingers to keep them from digging into your palm. “I am not sure what to tell you.”

“Nothing… I just…”

The wind blew and chilled your bones – it had gotten even colder without you noticing, and despite nature’s warning to get home soon, you didn’t move an inch. Instead, you heard her speak on.

“Back then… Taehyung, he saw it all, but– he never speaks about it. Just keeps taking the blame,” Hana added in a whisper, and you leaned in, perking up your ears, “I can sometimes hear him whimper in his sleep. But those nightmares…”

In the beginning, Taehyung had told you that he didn’t like to dream. That he enjoyed walking into the world and around the globe, seeing places, speaking to people, watching the sun set and rise, gazing at the stars and the moon, observing the slow floating of the clouds.

You never considered the presence of nightmares as a trigger – but then again, he had begun listing his dreams more often these days. As though he had found a liking in them, discovered a corner of his brain that didn’t conjure grotesque images of his past.

“They are less frequent now,” Hana continued. Her eyebrows furrowed; she looked at you as if her mind was lighting up with an epiphany. As if she had grasped something she hadn’t quite thought about before. “Since he started spending time with you.”

But you shook your head, flinching at the sudden clump in your throat. It constricted, and you swallowed, sighing before you said, “Hana, I’m… I can’t be hopeful with th–”

“I mean it,” she interrupted, her gentle words accompanied by the subtle rustling of the trees, “it doesn’t wake me up at night anymore. I don’t have to leave my bed to wrap my arms around him anymore. And I cannot remember the last time I stayed awake talking to him.”

“Hana…”

“Think about it.” Her fingers wandered to your shoulder and she pulled you in, her tone still calm but keener now. “Taehyung doesn’t just talk about himself to anyone. He didn’t just open up to you, even somewhat, but he brought you home, too. Why?”

You were clueless; or perhaps you weren’t. Perhaps a voice inside your mind, behind your jumbled thoughts, knew what Hana meant, and was telling you what it was, but you were scared of hope. Of love and heartbreak.

So she spelled it out for you.

“Because there must be a reason why he trusted you like that. Maybe he knew you’d find out one day… maybe he wanted you to know, just not yet. Maybe he saw something in you, and he knew you would understand when the time was right. That he would stay with you or fall in love with you. Keep you by his side.”

Falling in love? Love. Love.

At this moment, it was equal to fear.

“I suppose we didn’t get this far.”

“Yet. That’s why you need to stay… that’s what it means. Ensuring someone’s trust. Telling them everything. That he didn’t yet doesn’t show a lack of trust, but fear. Absolute horror,” Hana explained, calling your name, “because you mean something to him, he fears what you might think of this. And of him.”

When does love’s blindness turn into insanity?

Some years ago, your logical side would have known what decision to settle on, who to speak to and where to go. Rethinking all recent events, you thought that you would have taken the mature path even a few months ago.

When you hadn’t known him. When his name meant nothing to you and the string of your memories wasn’t filled with his smile and touch.

But now…

“What should I do?” you whispered into the world, blinking away the dampness in your eyes. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do,” Hana argued. She stood and dusted off her dress, preparing to walk away. “I think you absolutely know what to do. Whenever you feel ready.”

The house’s furniture was elegant and delicate.

Various patterns adorned the wooden pieces; paintings of landscapes and gardens hung in the anteroom; everywhere you looked, the flame of candles flickered gently.

The rooms were coloured golden, laying quiet and still. From afar, you heard fire crackle, and you followed the sound as you’d been told to. Hana assured you it would be fine to walk in unannounced.

But as you neared the office, your steps small and slow, you felt restlessness wrap around your neck. You didn’t know what to say – hadn’t thought of a speech you wanted to deliver, emotions you wanted to confess.

All you knew was that you were shivering. That the last three days you’d gone to sleep, woken up, worked, eaten and fallen asleep again had been cold. The clouds still hung in the dark sky, restricting the view to the stars. The world felt gloomy and your heart stone hard.

Three days of thinking, rethinking, overthinking.

Of yearning and crying, unsure what to say or to do. You still couldn’t believe you were here. Could barely trust your eyes when you entered the office and saw his form, hidden under a blanket.

Not on the davenport, but sitting in front of it, feeling the warmth of the chimney.

You called his name, crossing the room, quick to crouch next to him to improvise the next minutes. But when you looked at him, he was sound asleep. He had pulled the blanket up to his nose, breathing in a peaceful slumber.

His dark hair fell into his face the way it always did, a silver earring dangling from his earlobe and his skin drenched in a homely orange. In front of him lay an open book – the same novel you had touched. You wondered if he’d chosen to read it again, relive whatever it evoked in him.

Closing it, you took a seat next to him, leaning against the sofa. You put your head on his shoulder, cheeks warmed by the blanket; but Taehyung, as you found out, was a light sleeper. Because the moment you touched him, he flinched, eyes shooting up to inspect his surroundings.

And when they found you, his eyelids fluttered until he adjusted to the sight of you.

“Hana spoke to me,” you told him, biting into the inside of your cheek, “she told me the truth about this,” you pointed to the book, “about everything.”

Taehyung nodded, as if he already knew. Hana must have told him before you arrived.

He held your stare until he suddenly looked away. Like you’d burned him with your eyes; like something had told him he wasn’t allowed to stare at you.

“May I?” you asked, pointing at the blanket.

And when he nodded, though with slight hesitation, you smiled in reassurance, wrapping the blanket around your body before you pressed your shoulder against his. “I believe you. Hana and you, both.”

You heard Taehyung’s gulp without looking at him; and pieces of your heart hurt and steamed when he spoke, his voice hoarse, but still so tender, “She said you did.”

A minute of unspoken questions and answers passed in silence, and when you spoke again, you felt the smile on your face, “I may not know you inside out, Kim Taehyung,” your gaze met his and fingers sought his cautiously, “but I know you well enough to understand that you aren’t a bad person.”

His eyes were glassy, drooping; he still appeared to be dreaming. Half asleep.

Your free hand lifted under the blanket, shuddering, and you watched as his eyes closed when your fingertips brushed the skin of his jaw. You traced the sharp line and touched his earring; wandering on until your palm was resting on his cheek, cupping his face.

“We didn’t mean to bring anyone pain,” Taehyung whispered, aching and breaking, “we always considered ourselves good people.”

“You are,” you spoke up, rubbing your thumb against his face, leaning in, “you are. You’re the best man I know.”

“Do you mean that? Are you saying that? Actually saying that?” He leaned into your touch, his chin quivering, and before you knew it, a single drop of tear escaped his eye and landed in your hand. “Or am I hallucinating? Still dreaming…”

“I am here. Right here.”

Taehyung called your name, his deep voice fragile and crumbling. His body seemed limp, as frail as his heart; you had never seen him like this before. You wanted to mend the pain, wanted to assure that you weren’t walking away.

But before you could speak, he whispered your name again, a hand travelling to your waist, towing you closer. His eyes searched for something in your irises, darting up and down, from left to right. Busy hands touched the warmth of your body, squeezing your waist and brushing back your hair.

And then, a new surge of determination inundated his chest; still crying, he promised, “If you ever forgive me… I will try to be better.” He sniffled, breathing heavily, and you could barely believe that you were witnessing the cracking of his soul – seeing what you meant to him. “I will make everything right. I am so sorry, sweetheart.”

“We will find a solution one day… and I’ll be here,” you cooed, shushing his winces; brushing an alleviating hand through his hair. “Do you understand?”

It was too late to escape now. Of course you would stay – ready to live and die by his side. To your past self who hadn’t spoken to him yet, your decision might have appeared comical. Your past self might have taken the other path that night; gone home without approaching any finger food or wine.

Left the event and fallen asleep.

If the flutter of a single butterfly’s wings had been any different… but it hadn’t. And that was alright.

More apologies fell out of Taehyung, accompanied by diminishing tears. Your foreheads collided, him holding you close. Honeyed breaths, steadying, fell against your face, eyes closed.

You didn’t fathom that you were crying until Taehyung wiped your salty grief away, his nose grazing the tip of yours as he – slowly, carefully, suddenly – verbalised, “Your… your fingertips fire cannons made of needles; you puncture my soul, my heart, my bleeding skin.”

Hands tugged you in.

Lips caressed your mouth.

His whisper grew quieter.

”Yet, I remain an utter fool, drowning and blind; seeking the sting of your lips, the most ravishing sin.”

Something about the return of his habit cracked your heart open; like a gush of your usual emotions invaded your heart, everyday conversations breaking the grief and mournful nights. The familiarity threw you back to better days.

When you watched river water flow by and a bridge approach, trapped in his arms, whimpering pleas and his name.

So you cried more, closing your eyes when his lips moved to caress your cheekbones, and you asked, “Who wrote this one?”

Taehyung pecked your cheek, left a line down your face until he was back where your mouth parted. Sweetly and sickening, he admitted, “I did… for you.” His furrowed eyebrows relaxed, and his eyes opened for a moment; his soul was lost and found as he repeated, “I did, for you.”

And that was it.

The final words before he closed the distance. His lips fell on yours like they belonged there; like a puzzle had fallen into pieces. You locked your mouths in place and threw away the key. Weak from the way his plush lips moved, miniscule noises falling out of his throat.

He sighed and gasped against your face, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Your heart leapt and frolicked when he pulled you flush against his chest. He pushed the air out of your lungs; dug his fingernails into your waist and hips.

The kiss was all you registered, and all you lived for, though it was killing you.

Because the touch was intense, laced with passion unmatched. A slow, steady rhythm that only broke when he opened your mouth, whispered your name and let his tongue slither in. You were a labyrinth to him, you noticed – because he lost his way somewhere, then found himself in the core of your being, but never moved past it to the exit.

“Taehyung–” you muttered when he moved to your neck, leaving a series of damp kisses.

“Don’t speak,” he interjected, leaning back, his eyes hungry and sober, “no more talking for tonight.”

So you obliged.

You let him wear out your name; his embrace was the leading compass that night. You allowed him to dive back in, capture your lips, tugging and nibbling at them, tongues dancing.

You drowned in the fever he caused as your back fell against the carpet, the fireplace still flaring and his arms trapping you. The fingers of his hand locked with yours, lips kissing their way to your clavicles and back to your mouth.

And that’s how you remained: clothed, chaste, crazed.

Kissing each other through the night.

Falling, falling, perpetually falling.

NOW

Candle-lit and golden – it was one of the last nights in which reality as you knew it made sense.

You still feel the touch of his lips on your skin. His hands holding your waist, his voice whispering words and promises that must have been fairytales.

The days you spent after this fateful night proceeded just as feverishly. There seemed no border between you, no restrictions and limits. The possibilities, dreams and touches; you remember them all too well.

A hand on your back leading you down a path in the forest; conversations held beside river shores as you nibbled on fruit; your body caged between walls or trees and him. A mouth kissing your neck and your jaw, discovering more of your sounds.

You spent your mornings talking, afternoons drowsy, nights lost in each other. You hadn’t known happiness this unconditional before; and it felt real. Tangible.

Perhaps you should’ve remembered every moment, smile and kiss better.

Because nothing made sense after that.

THEN

Taehyung and you abandoned your rule of weekly strolls through the town and soon advanced them to regular occurrences.

Lovesick and watching through a tinted version, you opened your business earlier in the morning and closed it earlier in the evenings. You would wrap up work to meet him at a previously determined time and place. Or you would visit him at home.

He would visit you at home.

So it didn’t come as a shock when he knocked at your door one night; you’d indulged in a long, warm bath and didn’t expect the interruption tonight. Especially not so long after the sun had set.

Freshly wrapped in a nightgown, you opened the door, greeting a version of Taehyung you’d never seen before.

He was smiling; the way he always did. But his eyes looked distracted and strange, tainted with something you recognised quicker than he probably intended.

“What’s wrong?”

Your immediate worry lit up a nerve in him – because he opened his mouth to speak, his expression baffled for a fraction of a moment before it calmed again. He removed his hand from the frame of your door, stretching his arm.

“Let me come in,” he ordered, albeit softly, kindly as he watched you place your palm in his. But the demand was still different from his usual requests for permission. “Please.”

You nodded and stepped aside, eyebrows still furrowed as you played out the different reasons why he might be here. But as soon as he entered your house, he seemed like a different person.

Or rather, his true self.

Dreamy eyes looked at you, pulling you into his body, and you chuckled, cheeks warming as he said, “I was missing you.”

“Really? That’s why you’re here?”

You swayed lightly in his arm, dancing to music that wasn’t there. His lips barely touched your forehead, taking in your scent, and he uttered, “Mmmh. Just hate being anywhere else.”

“Anywhere else?”

“Anywhere that’s not with you.”

“You’re so…” you thought for a moment, staring up with a playful smirk, “gushy again today.”

Taehyung laughed, his nose touching yours, and you knew he was close to kissing you but not quite. He enjoyed the teases before he dived in; loved to hear your breathing stagnate until he stole it entirely.

“So,” you breathed, your hands settling on either side of his neck, “what have you got for me today?”

He knew immediately what you meant; he smiled, and perhaps, he would’ve broken into hearty laughter too if your eyes hadn’t pushed his attention to them. He stared into your pupils intently, alternating between letting his eyelids flutter open and shut.

That’s why you could never let go of him. Why he mesmerised you so ardently.

Because Taehyung was a tender lover. Lost in dreams, caught up above clouds. He carried a galaxy in his heart and an ocean in his mind – vast and wide; soft and calm. 

If you hadn’t felt his touch a hundred times before, you would’ve deemed him a fantasy.

You thought he’d bring you Shakespeare today – you’d talked about him just a few days ago. Or perhaps Jane Austen. But instead, he tangled your thoughts into a tight knot as he leaned in, pecking the corner of your lips, and whispered, “You drive me crazy.”

Being with him… you had gotten used to elegant confessions and a love language manifesting in rhythmic, poetic words. And when he opted for such a mundane confession instead, you felt your heart leap into your throat.

Perhaps because the feeling of having pushed him into speechlessness filled you with pride. Or because of the way he was looking at you.

“This might sound blunt,” Taehyung started, gulping, “but can I stay here tonight? 

Taehyung was always unpredictable – today, however, he sounded more suspicious. You wondered if you could pull his thoughts out of him.

“Of course you can. Of course,” you permitted, burying your fingers in the tresses in the nape of his neck, “anything for you.”

The mouth that ghosted over yours closed in, teeth capturing your lower lip before he pulled lightly, let go again and echoed, “Anything for me.”

He didn’t endure for long tonight. His thumb traced the apple of your cheek, the touch affectionate, careful. He began a gentle backward stroll of your bodies, urging you into a specific direction until you’d entered your bedroom.

“What are you doing?” you asked, bewildered by his gaze. “Kim Taehyung, you–”

Your speech broke when the back of your knees hit your bed, and with his weight pushing against you, you fell, his body following suit. His knees dug into the mattress on either side of your thighs, and he leaned in, seeking something in your eyes.

“I just want to touch you,” he responded quietly, palms pressing into your bed, “just want to keep touching you tonight.”

And so he did – as if he was touching you for the first and last time.

His digits brushed back your stray hair before his arm snuck under you, holding onto you, pinning you down with his chest. His free hand brushed along your bare arm, raising it slowly until it was in his firm grip, immobile next to your head.

He kissed the sensitive patch under your ear, loving and captivating. The intimacy was new to you; you didn’t know yet how his bare skin against yours felt. The thought of his burning body on yours, with nothing in between, joggled your heart and left it beating harder.

But no matter how hot his touch, you couldn’t shake the feeling of suspicious unease.

“Is something wrong?” you questioned as he left barely-there kisses on your jaw.

He looked up, blinking at you; and then moved his head from left to right and back, the movement subtle and miniscule. “No,” he answered, his breath warm on your cheek, “absolutely not. This is perfect.”

His words sounded definite and certain, so you stopped questioning his intentions. If he wasn’t ready to lay open the content of his heart or had truly no sorrow to hide, then you weren’t going to push him.

Instead, you let his mouth and hands explore your body. In one moment, he’d hold your wrist tight, and in the next, you’d feel his slender fingers on your chin, embarking on a journey down to your chest. His lips traced your jaw and your neck before they found home on your own again, seeking your tongue and your taste.

Teeth bit your lower lip and pulled at the soft flesh, and you frisked your mind for something to say before he beat you to it and confessed, “Every moment without you has started feeling like…”

Like an empty void. Like advanced boredom. Like a cumulation of silent yearning, heartache and loneliness.

“Not living.” And this. “I feel more alive with you.”

You didn’t grow up with sappy words and deep love confessions. Infatuation never bothered you, and you were proud to say that you were able to move on quickly. You didn’t think, however, that you possessed the power to leave him behind.

“Is that alright?” he asked as his hands tugged at the sleeves of your nightgown.

He slipped one side off your shoulder, baring your skin, and taking in the hint, you nodded eagerly; told him a single hushed, “Yes.”

Eager digits freed you of your clothing; you raised your body to aid him in his quest, shutting your eyes tight, unsure what he might think or say. But to your pleasure, boosting your ego, he pressed a flat hand on your cheek, commanding, “Look at me.”

You obliged cautiously, but didn’t freeze in your movements, turning your insecurities into confidence as you began unbuttoning his shirt. Ripped half open, it hung off one of his shoulders, showcasing his golden chest; glowing, soft, comforting.

Ridding him of his trousers, your eyes locked on the bulge growing under his drawers. You brushed a hand along its confines and outline, hearing a gasp from above, and he retracted; put a distance between you and stood, even if only to kick off the garments.

“You’re making this hard for me,” Taehyung said to you, shaking his head. “So incredibly hard.”

At least that was what you thought you heard – you couldn’t focus much anyway. Your attention had shifted to his veiny hands as they glided along his thighs and cupped the length that had sprung out. Endless fingers wrapped around his shaft, pumping twice, and then he let go again.

“God… Tae…” you mumbled, crawling closer hungrily, thirst burning up your chest.

“Don’t look at me like that…” he said, his voice strained, as though he’d delivered an hour long speech before coming to you. “You can’t dismiss your own beauty and then admire me.”

“Why can I not? You’re…”

But he’d never find out what he was, because in the very next moment, you were kneeling at the edge of your bed. You gripped his cock, looking up at him with a tender expression before you gulped and brought your lips closer to the head of his member.

You gathered a trivial amount of saliva on your tongue, letting it escape through the gape of your lips as he cursed, “Oh… fuck. My dreams could never compare to this.”

“Hmm?”

“I have… thought of this so often.”

You took the last moment to respond with a nearly inaudible, “I have, too” before you began swirling your tongue around his head. He enjoyed the eye contact, going crazy as you sucked in the precum; toying with the sensitive skin.

Your fist, wrapped around his cock, moved up and down, your wrist twisting. For just a moment, you slowed down, tracing the protruding veins, aware of each one of them as you imagined what they’d feel like inside you.

The vivid picture made you shudder, your walls clenching and dripping, and you brought your hand resting on his thigh to your clit. Slow rubs adjusted to the pace of your mouth, bobbing back and forth, taking in his girthy and impressing length as much as your throat allowed.

Breathing hot against his cock, you drew a deep inhale before you dived back in, letting your tongue do its work until spit ran down your chin. Taehyung cherished the small details of your actions; the swish of your tongue over his ridges, slow and focused, and the way your hand wandered up and down his erection before it stilled to toy with his balls.

Taehyung detected your subtle self-pleasuring movements late – but he did. They elicited a light shake of his head, and the fingers previously buried in your hair pushed your body back, eyes watching the string of saliva connecting your mouth and his slit break.

As he observed your breathless form, his hands pried your legs apart, pinning them against the mattress in a sudden motion as he whispered, “I wanna taste you, too.”

But instead of moving straight south, he half fell onto you again; naked this time, nothing separated your skin. And when his body touched yours, it felt like flames colliding; you were burning up like the summer sun at noon.

He settled between your legs, hardness rutting against your slick folds; he listened to your moans with lips kissing a trail across your face. Roughly, he pulled your legs over his waist, holding your limbs there as he commented, “I saw an angel so beautiful…”

An immediate giggle erupted from your chest, amused at the dramatic choice of his words, and he chuckled with you before he silenced your echoing joy. Open mouthed kisses landed on your neck, wet and crude.

Dazy and dizzy, you mewled, clenching your hands to fists against his back as you told him, “Feels so good… feels so damn good.”

Proud and satisfied, he started moving down until his tongue circled your nipples. His mouth alternated between each of your breasts, but he never left one side without attention; gripping it, digging in, squeezing and kneading.

He cupped your mounds, pushing them up, pinching your perked nipples before he bit into them lightly. Travelled down teasingly, clearly aware of his unwavering effect on you.

When he paused above your pelvis, you sighed, opening your eyes that you didn’t realise you had closed. You looked at him, pushing his hair back, and revealed, “I don’t want you to stop.”

“I’m not going to stop,” he assured, taking in your scent and placing a kiss on your aching nub, “I’m not.”

“Don’t…”

“Anything for you, sweetheart.”

You didn’t get time to grow used to the endearment, surprised when he pulled you down the bed, placing one of your legs on his shoulder and the other against the mattress. He kept your thighs apart vehemently, his tongue darting out to taste your lust for the very first time.

Licking a stripe between your folds, he repeated his action before he made home above your clit. The wet muscle driving you mad flicked over your clit, slowly raising its pace before he closed his lips around it. Kissing, indulging in you, dark hair strands hanging low and tickling your skin.

He granted you with all of his attention, eyes closed, relishing your fragrance and flavour. Two of his fingers soon joined the pleasure he gifted you, pushing in with expected ease. Accompanied by the heated making out, his deft digits pushing in and out made you wiggle under him, your leg slipping off his shoulder and down his arm.

Your eyes rolled back further in their sockets, passionate moans and groans falling out of your mouth, and barely articulating a sentence, you mumbled, “Mmmfuck, Tae… please do–”

He hummed against you, understanding your language without its coherency; the tremble of your legs and hands in his hair told him more than enough.

So he engulfed your tits with a large hand, scarring your flesh with his nails; his tongue fastened, fingers fucking into you deeper, more impatiently. And then – it was over as soon as it’d begun.

He aided you through your high, could almost see the way high waves of pleasure flooded the pit of your stomach, untying the tight knot. You relaxed – or fell, he couldn’t quite say. The arched back flattened, fingers around the sheets loosened, and your body went limp.

“Was that good enough?” you suddenly heard him ask, his voice way closer than before. Your head still spun when you met his eyes, his face floating above yours as he muttered, “You look… incredible.”

Staring up at him with gentle, pure eyes, the same sweet innocence pulling him to heaven. Or dragging him to hell. You were the only person he knew who could surpass the devilish gates and still remained virtuous.

Because despite the honey in your heart, the fog in your eyes was sinful.

Split a part of his soul, tainting his mind, colouring it in new, vivid hues. A sky blue when you comforted him; but a bright red when you filled him with undying lust.

“You…” he began, but stopped, his pupils flickering. “You know how much you mean to me, right?”

The centre of your stomach fluttered, spreading across your body; after all those times he’d kissed you, looked at you, showered you in poems, you still couldn’t believe that you were the object of his affection. 

You.

Not anyone else who existed in this wide, vast world. No… you. Right under him, naked, aching.

“Tell me.” You skimmed his flushed cheek, your insides screaming when his chest pressed against yours. “Please.”

You kept begging tonight – he wondered if he knew you didn’t need to. That he was ready to cross oceans and run through wildfires to get to you; if the world had allowed, he would’ve even fought the lesser devils of the world to stay with you.

But…

He shook his head free of intrusive thoughts, rubbing himself against you and admitted, “No… I feel out of words today.”

And then, his length, still standing tall and hard, aligned itself with your entrance, pushing in for just a fraction of a second. The moment was miniscule, but you gasped at the thickness already filling you, and threw your head back.

But he caught your face momentarily, bringing it back to him. Teary eyes gazed into his as his cock returned to your leaking mess, and breathing roughly through his nose, he spoke against your lips, “I’ll show you instead.”

And when he kissed you this time, his motions were more urging, more fervent. Your noses collided, your act aggressive. In the midst of the dance his tongue performed with yours, he pushed in fully, and you yelped into his mouth, sharp nails digging scars into his back.

A million and trillion fuzzy feelings coursed through your torso and down to where you connected; you were falling in love so fast and hard, it almost hurt.

Full and soft lips left yours to kiss your neck and clavicles again, suckling before he buried his face in your skin. He fucked you gently, increasing his pace slowly without unleashing cardinal, harsh lust just yet.

“Are you alright, baby?” he checked for the umpteenth time tonight, and you nodded wildly, whimpering and whining.

He felt as heavenly as you’d pictured. Passionate, zealous and fiery. He filled you to the brim, his length curved, hitting a spot you felt bloom for the first time ever.

As he raised his head and aligned your gazes, you saw him melt clearly.

Because he looked at you like the world was devoid of any existence but yours. Stared into your soul, deep moans vibrating in your eardrums; you recognised that he wasn’t writing but reading you tonight.

With connected foreheads, he asked, “It doesn’t hurt?”

“No… no,” you managed, panting as he pushed into you deep, pressed against you, “it feels so good. You're so good… so beautiful.”

“You,” he returned, hips pulling back before slamming back in, “are beautiful. Can’t stop thinking of you,” he waited, fucking you more passionately, and you held onto him, sweaty bodies colliding, “ever.”

The misty scene of lust and romance, laced with worries you tried to abandon, brought upon a thousand emotions in you.

Endless pleasure from his touch and the way the ridges of his cock rubbed against your nerves. A swarm of butterflies from his words invading your insides. The ardour eliciting goosebumps, making you shiver. 

A nagging voice in the back of your mind, because he was too… too intense.

Or perhaps, that was actually what he felt for you. The vigour, the unmatched ferocity of his fondness.

“Tae…?”

You didn’t know what you wanted to say. Maybe you wanted to wear out his name; you weren’t sure. But as he heard your whisper, he pushed a large hand under your head, fingers in your hair, palm settling on your scalp.

He raised you to his lips, his jaw clenched. His motions slowed down, allowing you to feel him better, more intense, because he pulled out almost entirely before he hammered back in.

Patiently, he stared at you, waiting for your words, but when he realised that your mind was empty of everything but his name, his lips crashed against yours. You moaned and hummed against his tongue, and he swallowed your sounds, tilting his head.

You were still trapped between him and the bed, but his unoccupied fingers still somehow found their way between your bodies and to your clit. You lost your mind steadily, holding onto him as he fucked you, pushing you up to the headboard.

He pressed a quick peck onto your mouth, and then said, “I don’t know how to–”

But he stopped, distracted by your keen cries as you unwinded again. Your eyes were damp, and your arms tightened around his neck. And once you were done, shaking and sniffling, he tried again, “I don’t know how to live without you.”

A quiet tear rolled down your face; he caught it with his thumb, his hand falling from your head and sneaking to your shoulder blades. He pulled you into him, leaving not an inch of you untouched, and started thrusting into you so devotedly that you dropped all sense of time and space.

“Then don’t,” you pleaded, your voice weak and drowning in your other sounds, “stay.”

His eyes scared you. They carried a presentiment; you didn’t know what to do with it. All you could do is beg and wait, hope he told you what storm twirled inside him.

“Shit, you,” he began, chasing his high, groaning deeply, his tone dropping a dozen octaves, “you make me fall… so damn deep for you.”

And that was the last thing he uttered before he shot ropes of his hot arousal into you, moulding your lips with his once more.

Both your bodies shook from the impact your night together brought; his breathing was heavy, his skin glistening in sweat. His hair stuck damp against his forehead, and you brushed it aside, taking in the universe in his eyes; a mirror that reflected your face.

He dove in for another kiss on your cheek, his exhales igniting your skin. Mumbling something else you didn’t understand, he pulled out of you, staying on top of you for some minutes before he raised his body slowly.

The lack of touch felt cold on your perspiring skin, but he didn’t leave you without it for long before he pulled you up and walked you to the bath. You sat at the edge of the small tub for a while as it filled, his hands brushing the knots from your hair and rubbing your aching thighs.

Once you settled in the water, hypnotised by the scrub of his hands on your scalp, you dozed off before you could realise. The gentle, wet back of a hand woke you up after what felt like an eternity, and you mumbled an apology under your breath.

“Everything is fine, my darling,” Taehyung cooed, soothing your worries.

He let you wrap your arms around his neck and carried you into your bed with a slight, exhausted groan. Laid you down, tucked you in, appearing next to you within a few seconds.

Pulling you into him, you took in his odour, burning it into your memory. You were half asleep, kissing his chest, never finding out that he was swooning, smiling, hiding half his face in your hair.

Sometimes, you think that if you’d known, you would’ve fought harder. Or perhaps ran away, not given in to the foolish act you’d indulged in tonight.

But then, you reckon, you would still do the same thing again today if you could. Naive and in love, being reborn and dying with every word he uttered and every of his touch you felt.

As you drifted off, you thought you heard him say something to you. And then, Taehyung closed his eyes with you in his arms for the last time; wordlessly.

The night proceeded thunderously. The rain didn’t start until you were fast asleep, and it kept you in dreamland until the first lightning struck.

It was early morning by the time the storm shook you awake. You realised the weather wasn’t the only thing raging; because within a moment, your heart bled, too. The thick liquid erupted like a volcano spitting lava that had been laying silent for so long.

You knew something had been wrong – that when you’d been worried, you’d been right.

Because.

When you woke up, he was gone. The other side of the bed was cold and empty, a yawning silence not only in your and his own home, but in your cavernous and splitting heart, too.

After Taehyung left your bed and life, you realised for the very first time how colossal and vast your town truly was.

The first few days, you spent every single second searching high and low for him. You left no stone unturned, tracing back his presence until your feet ached and bled. The taverns, the hills, the river. The market, the hospital, all bookstores in your proximity.

His house.

Taehyung was nowhere to be found.

The incessant knocking on his door was never answered, and he didn’t send a letter, didn’t come back, never granted you a hint of what had happened.

And you barely slept. Revisited memories of his eyes and his touch; the way he had spoken to you merely a few nights ago. His lips haunted you when his face didn’t, and oftentimes, uneasy sleep would only pull you in once you had cried yourself tired.

A week later, you still didn’t know what had gone down. You didn’t know why you couldn’t find him – why everyone around you acted as though he was just a mirage who’d touched your imagination for a transient moment.

You didn’t even know what questions to ask.

You were angry. That was all you were aware of; the fury boiled hot and clear, transparent.

But the anger morphed into a new stage of grief when two weeks had passed. The trigger emerged in the form of a displeased bang on your door. You didn’t expect a guest, and didn’t expect anyone to make sure you were doing fine. No one knew about it anyway.

The hopes buried deep within your heart, however, sparked and lit up like the lights of a Christmas tree; your feet carried you to the entrance, new tears falling. But once you ripped the door open, your pumping organ fell quiet and dark again.

It wasn’t him.

“Good evening.”

The stranger was wearing a half-decent smile; she was clothed in a dress and coat way too warm for this season, balancing her weight on one leg, then the other. Half her face was hiding under a hat, so you could barely make out her eyes, considering that she was a good chunk shorter than you.

“Good evening,” you greeted back. “Do I know you? How can I help you?”

“I…” She was nervous, gulping, averting your eyes. “I was…”

But you were not patient enough to wait for her explanations and questions. Not today. Sighing, you clutched the door, telling her, “I apologise, I am currently closed. And I don’t want to buy anything if that is what you–”

“No,” she chipped in, shaking her head before her hand lifted to the hat, taking it off. You still didn’t recognise her face when she finally looked at you properly. “I’m here to speak about Kim Taehyung.”

The silence in your room hid the fact that you weren’t alone in your house. It was more prominent than when you were, pressing and numbing, uncomfortable to a degree that you felt your body tremble.

“Would you like some coffee? Or tea. Warm milk is an op–”

The woman, sporting dark circles under her eyes, much like you, shook her head at your suggestions. She managed a small smile, and you nodded, leaning back in your chair, legs pulled in.

If you weren’t holding onto your knees, pressing them against your crumbling chest, you might have broken down.

“I don’t understand,” you whispered, licking your lips, “you’re Yujin’s mother. You came to talk to Tae. But I don’t understand why that made him leave. And why you’re here now.”

“I am afraid it’s not that easy. He didn’t leave because I came all the way to talk,” she clarified, staring at a pattern on your carpet, “when I arrived at his house, I was angry. Out of my mind. He thought I was going to hurt him the way my girl did, but… I never had the intention to.”

Your eyes blew wide, fearing the guilt in her voice, and you pulled your limbs in more, questioning, “Did you… did you hurt him?”

“No! No, I couldn’t. I couldn’t.” She shifted in her seat, her back straight, but her face full of tortured emotions. “I just wanted an explanation. I wanted to know why all of this even happened. I didn’t know about their affair, you know? I didn’t come for revenge but for closure.”

A desperate attempt to find out what had happened that night, because Yujin had never told the whole truth. You were sure of it.

“Your daughter tried to kill him,” you said, your voice growing monotone and dropping empathy. “And he did whatever he needed to do, so he could come out of this unscathed. Yujin never–”

“I’m aware now,” she cuts in, staring into your eyes with a glassy look, “Taehyung explained it to me. Hana added onto it some more… and perhaps it’s easier for me, after all those years of taking care of my daughter, to believe it and to forgive him for the sins he didn’t commit.”

She waited, shaking her head again. An apologetic expression crept upon her face, and in a careful whisper, she added, “But the police won’t.”

Sinking behind your legs, you must have looked to her as though you already knew about this. As if you expected this, unable to act surprised anymore. But in truth, you were shrinking into yourself, holding onto your broken pieces.

Because words, as alleviating as they can be, have the power to disrupt a peaceful mind, too.

Since Taehyung had come into your life, you had witnessed the force with which words could make your heartbeat skyrocket. Despite the bookworm that you were, you hadn’t paid much attention to the effect a sentence could cause.

Now, you did all the more.

She called your name, and you looked up into her face with puffy eyes, limbs shaking as you asked, “They know where he is, don’t they?”

“Not now, they don’t. It’s why he left… they might not be able to find him very soon again. It took them years even now.”

“Excuse me,” you mumbled with a faint voice, standing on wobbly legs. You wiped the tears off your face, and braced yourself for your next reckless act as you said, “I need to go somewhere. You… you know where the exit is, yes?”

You clearly didn’t know a thing about this woman. But theft didn’t scare you anymore; you couldn’t care less if she was to take any belongings from your humble home. A ridiculous and foolish thought – but she couldn’t take more from you anymore.

But she stood, clearing her throat. “I think,” she started, so quietly you could barely make it out. Seemed that she was just as exhausted as you. “I think I will be leaving as well. I’m not sure what to do here anymore.”

You were quick to encourage her decision, draping a light coat over your shoulders before you stepped out with her in tow. The season was warm, but the weather fluctuated; your hand was unsteady as you locked your door and waved goodbye to the stranger.

She had become the embodiment of triggering memories in less than an hour; you were fine with the thought of never seeing her again.

As she stepped away from you with idle steps, you approached the busy streets, waiting for a hansom cab to take you with it and where your heart resided.

You weren’t sure what you were doing. It wasn’t as though you were expecting anything where you went. You were breaking yourself, you were certain – but as you watched the clouds gather into one grey form, hiding the sun, you abolished thoughts of what might await you.

You clung onto hope. It was stupid; it was nonexistent at this point. Taehyung’s mood wasn’t as fickle as the weather.

And you still did.

But the path to his house was empty. The park nearby, the streets, his house’s porch. They were all vacant, letting the wind howl through the desolation as you wandered along the line of trees.

His house stood small and inconspicuous at the end of the road. It was beautiful – painted a tender light beige-brown, fitting the colours of his personality. Homely, sweet, carrying his touch and preferences.

But right now, it looked ominous. Haunted. Like souls floated along its walls. You reckoned it was the remnants of his life he’d left that lured you in. Somehow, his voice always called to you; you just wished it’d shut up for a moment.

Your eyes swished between the doorknob and creaky ground. Nothing was here for you; that was what your logic whispered. But another voice, less prominent, more concealed, urged you to step forwards. As if there was something left of him. As if logic was a blunt liar.

So you came close to the wooden door, raising a fist, and knocked lightly at first. The cry of the wind buried the sound of your action; and you took a deep breath, steadying your spinning mind before you knocked again, harder this time.

“Is someone here?” you questioned, bringing your mouth close to the door, your ask maniac.

You tried to knock once more, but came out blank.

“Tae?”

Your voice muttered the syllable faintly and feebly.

His name had started feeling unreal; had you truly known someone who reacted to Kim Taehyung? Or had you just repeated the word so often that it had begun sounding unnatural and strange to you?

“You wouldn’t hurt me, you told me,” you said, pressing your forehead against the door, “you broke your promise like every novel about lovers describes.”

You laughed at the irony of your story; when had you become the suffering character in a tragedy? Who was writing your fate like this?

“Officers?” you tried again, blinking. “If you’re here, you might want to talk to me first before…” You gulped, raising your voice. “Kim Taehyung isn’t here anymore.”

And then it dawned on you.

That.

Kim Taehyung was gone.

Kim Taehyung had left.

And also.

“Kim Taehyung isn’t coming back anymore,” you yelled louder, slamming your fist against the entrance again, “so you might as well stop looking altogether.”

You sniffled from the cold, closing your eyes. You rubbed your eyelids with parted lips, noticing the racing of your heart. Agony was catching up to you again, and you didn’t think you could do this again, right here, right now.

But life didn’t allow you to catch a break.

“Ask me. I know he’s gone,” you exclaimed, ripping your eyes open and hands ready to yank the door open the same way.

You wondered how many kicks could break it; or if any number of kicks even could. Who cared anyway? Not you – too lost, too crazed.

“Fucking open, because there’s nothing for you,” you spat, full-on hammering against the door now, probably bruising your hand, “there’s not even anything for me, so you can’t be, can’t be more privileged than me.”

Yet, nothing happened. The silence proceeded, and you couldn’t do anything to beat it.

You turned on the spot, your vision blurry. You slid down the door with a quavering chin, pressing the heels of your palms against your eyes until they hurt. The ground in front of his house was cold, shivering, bushes rustling and the gust of the wind howling between leaves.

Yet again, the baleful, sinister scene returned, out of a thrilling novel; it didn’t feel like the romance anymore that your story had started as.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, relying on the warmth of your dress, your face freezing and tears drying. Your head was still turning in circles, and you didn’t trust your legs to carry you home safely just yet.

So you waited until the world stilled – with no avail.

Instead, a door opened. Next to you, a blurry figure appeared; dressed in a nightgown you recognised, holding the door tight, hair dishevelled and flowing over her shoulders.

She was calling your name, but you only heard it faintly – yet, you understood enough to realise who she was.

This time, he didn’t even take her with him. He left all alone, with nothing but his battered heart and cotton touch. How must he have felt, all lonely and without company? After years of close help, this was the first time he found himself thrown into the desert that the world was.

How was he doing? Was he thinking of you? Missing you? 

Would he escape the authorities for long enough, just until you found a way to bring him back? Or would he return by his own sheer will?

You didn’t know. You didn’t know.

Hana inched closer, crouching next to you, placing a hand on your face to make you look at her before she said, “I’ll be here.”

Red-rimmed eyes stared back at her, and she wiped at your tears, shaking her head as you asked, “Why?”

“Because he decided to fight alone this time. Because I was never wanted by the police the way he was. I just,” she dropped her hand, touching her knee, “need to leave this place. Find somewhere else to be, so I don’t get dragged back for fleeing the country.”

She smiled at you in reassurance; a feeble attempt to lift the tension. But you knew she was hurting as much as you were – if not a thousandfold. She was like a sister to him after all. They had taken care of each other when no one else could.

You and her – you shared the pain. She was all you had left of him. You were all she had left of him.

“How could this happen?”

Your voice was weak and hoarse when you spoke, and she rubbed her forehead, controlling her emotions. The slight flinches in her face revealed her true feelings, but neither you nor she elaborated on them.

“I’m not certain,” Hana answered, helpless and mourning, “but whatever it was, it wasn’t a selfish thing. I just know.” She paused and looked into your eyes, clearing her throat. “He left me a note. Nothing big, but… it’s all I got.”

The burning sting in your chest grew further. It spread across your body and boiled your insides; you didn’t know how much you still wanted to take. How much you could take before you collapsed.

“I… I didn’t get any,” you admitted, burying your face between your torso and your legs.

But Hana clicked her tongue, heaving a sigh as she stated, “I’m sure you did. You know him… he has a knack for the mysterious.”

So much he became a mystery, too.

“You just need to know where to look,” she continued, “and… even if he didn’t… I’m very sure he left pieces of his heart with you instead.”

You didn’t know what to answer. She didn’t know how to bring you solace.

So when you’d stopped staring into each other’s eyes, seeking peace or comfort in the fact that you shared your misery, she helped you up and sent you home eventually. You were quick to decline the offer to come in.

You couldn’t bear being in the rooms he’d been in. Hearing his voice, feeling the presence that was gone.

And your mind was whirring – too focused on whatever you could find. So you opened the door, left your shoes on, sprinted to your living room and scoured the bookshelf your aunt had gifted you years ago.

You pulled out your favourite books; ones you knew you had talked about to him. You leafed through the pages, turning the novels upside down. It took you four tries to finally find a piece of paper between one of the pages; and it was a bookmark.

Two more tries until another tiny letter floated to the ground, no bookmark or irrelevant document this time.

In a gentle, curved font, long fingers had written a note, for you to find whenever and in whichever way. You wondered if he’d expected for you to discover it this quickly. He always praised your intelligence – you hoped he still held onto it.

You unfolded the paper to reveal the last few words. Your eyes swelled with more tears; you were sick of crying, tired and devastated.

And then…

The hands of fate led me to you. Quietly and softly. And one day, they ought to drag me back to you, my angel… back to where my heart resides and my soul floats.

Or alternatively…

Alternatively.

You blinked at the paper, unsure what to do with it. Those were the only words he’d granted you, ripping you apart; where his heart resided and his soul floated. It sounded like a promise – like something to flood you with hope.

But hope was…

“Absurd,” you whispered, holding your forehead, fingers pressing into your temples.

You read the lines over and over again – alternatively, alternatively, alternatively.

And you didn’t understand until you turned the paper around, realising that he’d put more at the back, inconspicuous and small. Perhaps that was the breaking point. When you tumbled down with no way to recover.

Because.

I love you.

Hana was wrong.

He hadn’t left pieces of his heart with you. He’d left all of it there.

NOW

You still cherish the pumping organ he placed in your palms years ago.

Though, defective days bring defective thoughts.

In your lowest moments, you sometimes wonder whether he truly loved you. Did he write it down on some piece of paper and then just leave? No intention behind it, empty words and nothing more?

Why did he leave? Why do you still think of him?

He was just a man. Just a writer.

Just… just Kim Taehyung.

“What are you looking at?” a familiar voice calls from behind, and your eyes, dry and unfocused, blink rapidly.

“Just… the same as usual.”

You fold the newspaper into half. You can’t remember the headlines you read or what the printed letters speak about.

Lately, you’ve been drifting fast. When Taehyung left, you fell into a dark pit that showed no possibility to climb to the top again – you kept tapping in the dark. Then, things seemed to normalise – Hana told you it was denial, but you think you were progressing.

Then, last year, his existence crept up on you again, like a nasty bug impossible to shake off. Not that he’d ever left. But since then, he has lingered, haunted you, dark tresses and darker eyes chasing your thoughts, awake or asleep.

Speaking of which…

“Hana,” you call, dropping your eyes to a word in the newspaper, “have you heard anything about Yujin?”

Hana, gathering small and dirty clothes from the floor, freezes mid-action, looking up at your form on the chair before she sighs and admits, “Not since last year. Since… you know.”

None of you ever dares to say his name. He was a constant in both your lives, even if just for a fleeting moment for you; but he has become a ghost now. Sometimes, you wonder if he truly existed. He feels like a figment of your imagination on the worst days.

But last year marked an important event for you, and more for him.

In a quiet moment on a cold winter morning, you received unexpected news about his past yet most relevant affair. Yujin had apparently fought her way out of the mental institution, strolled to the police – with or without her family’s knowing, you still don’t know – and admitted her wrongdoings on a night of utter devastation.

According to herself, written in an apologetic letter, she’d broken down in a weak moment of guilt, unable to live with her mistakes. She wasn’t a bad person, she promised; she was certain that her younger self would have wanted her to admit her sins and stand up for them.

So she did. Put herself in the position of the big bad wolf and Taehyung out of it.

No matter what her family’s deal with the police was, she’d broken the bond when she’d begged and pleaded the officers to stop hunting him like an innocent doe. Tears were never sufficient, of course – but once she had come back with a fortune big enough to swoon them, they’d been silenced once and for all.

The happenings were surreal and sudden. None of you expected them to unfold like this – not after all those years, not with you involved in this equation.

But the worst thing was that the information reached you easily; but never him. Never the man in question, seeing the world alone; and no one but him could tell if he was even alive or not.

“You’re regressing,” Hana interrupts your thoughts, suddenly next to you and taking half a seat on the armchair, “and I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m not regressing,” you defend, leaning back with a sigh.

She mumbles your name, a hand on your shoulder as she says, “I know what he meant to you. And he was… is my cousin, too. But you need to start fighting your demons.”

But he’s your biggest one. And once possessed, how does one get rid of a demon?

If it’s Kim Taehyung… probably never.

“I just don’t understand, Hana,” you mutter, rubbing your tired eyelids, “why is he not coming back if Yujin opened up?”

“He might not know.”

“But this is a big thing. He would keep up with such information.” You’re desperate and hurting – it’s no secret. But your voice, strained, could tell a stranger that your heart is cracked, unable to heal. “I sometimes feel like I made him up.”

Hana’s ears perk up. It’s not the first time you’re confessing such a thing – at times like these, even Hana cannot help but agree, admitting that he has started feeling too far away from her.

If her existence right here in this town, next to you, didn’t prove that he had truly been here, she might have concluded along with you that he hadn’t been real.

“Like he never touched me. Never spoke to me or loved me. Or like he never left me with the last crucial piece of him,” you continue, your chest and head heavy, “and I hate feeling insane.”

“I know… I know.”

You wait, grieving through the silence with her. And when you find your voice and courage again, you state, “This is going to stay. Forever. I just don’t know if I have the strength to endure it.”

“There is no way for you to move on, is there?”

You contemplate.

Is there?

Not when certain things still remind you of him every single day. When he impacted your life to a burning, menacing degree.

Long ago, he entered your life like a sudden fresh gust of air. The time you spent in his company, reminiscing about your favourite novels and his dearest poems, wasn’t just an evanescent mingling of your souls.

He was here for a moment. Kim Taehyung.

He turned your world upside down… Kim Taehyung.

Hana knows. And Hana understands. The emotion you share the most with her is the love you both felt towards him. She still sees the agony in your eyes; how could she not?

Fiddling with her fingers, she looks away, uncertainty lacing her voice out of the blue as she begins, “I didn’t want to do this, because I felt like it’d damage you long term,” she pauses, and you stare up at her, a million question marks written in your eyes, “but I think I need to show something.”

A trait you have seen in both her and her lost cousin is the ability of sudden confessions. You think you have gotten fairly used to them; but at this moment, your mouth still drops and stays agape, and you can’t possibly guess what she’s talking about.

“What is it?”

Hana hesitates, wrapping the thin scarf around her shoulder that she threw on your coffee table haphazardly before. “I think it’s easier to just show you.”

And you guess, the less questions you ask, the faster you’d get to the mystery she was hinting at. 

She gives you no more than ten minutes to dress, so you can embark on your journey – her eyes flicker impatiently, her limbs restless. In a matter of minutes, her demeanour changes; and suddenly, she’s nervous, chewing on her lips, vehemently urging you to hurry up.

“We should take Sora with us,” Hana suggests, though there is purpose in her tone, like it’s part of a plan, “she should show her face sometimes anyway.”

“She needed to go to the neighbours.”

“Needed to.”

In the years without Taehyung and on your own, more people have entered your life out of the blue. They left and came back, never a constant, mercurial change of mind dragging them away and back to you.

Sora never left your side. She was a constant. You think that if Taehyung had waited, taken the chance to meet her, he would’ve loved her just as much as you do.

If not more than you ever would.

So you knock at the neighbour’s door, asking whether she is still here, and when she walks out, happy and excited as always, you listen intently. She always has a lot to say.

Her rambling distracts you from the adventure you have decided to live through, smiling whenever she builds up to the peak of a story. She likes Hana – is a dearer friend to her than to you sometimes.

And for once, you don’t fight for her attention in the playful manner you have gotten used to, glad that she’s indulging in teases and jokes with Hana. Because the moment you pass a newspaper stand on your way to a carriage, you hear something so peculiar that you come to a halt.

“Did you hear that?” you turn, staring at Hana who looks back at you with enormous doe eyes.

“Hear what?”

“The name he just said. He said something like… him singing in a tavern.”

Singers of ballads and operas in taverns aren’t rare. The conversation could be about anyone, talking about any tavern – but despite your growing insanity, you’re sure you didn’t mishear.

You waste more of your and your companions’ time, stepping closer to the seller, and his focus shifts from the casual conversation with a passenger to you. He smiles, joyfully and in a good mood, a hand on his knee as he asks, “Can I help you, pretty lady?”

You ignore the comment, shaking off your confusion and asking, “Who were you talking about?”

“Who was I talking about?” he questions back, his voice way too loud as he laughs.

Have you become cynical, irritated or is there actually no joke behind his response?

“You just mentioned a name.”

“I mean,” he barks, leaning forwards, “I say a lot of names every day.”

If you could just fight through your fears and mention his name. They are three syllables, harmless words; they shouldn’t block your language and lock your mouth like this. But when the knot of your tongue doesn’t let you utter his name, you feel heat rise to your face.

“You just said a freaking name. One single,” you step closer, furious; deep down, frustrated and hurt, “name. And it means something.”

“A young lady like yourself should not be cursi–”

“I apologise deeply,” Hana interferes, pulling you away.

You shake off the fingers wrapped around your bicep, taking a deep breath. More swears fall out of your mouth, irritation spreading through your mind and chest. Hope doesn’t exist anymore – you need to stop holding onto it.

Stop, stop, stop.

The rest of the way passes silently. The tension caused in the middle of the street still lingers when you enter the carriage. You still don’t speak when the buildings, houses and busy markets of the town vanish and quiet down.

As the greenery expands and nature showcases wide fields, sunflowers facing the bright yellow star in the sky, you begin to realise what way you might be heading. The canopy of trees and the empty paths… you have seen all of them before.

And when you leave the carriage, good thirty minutes later, and stare into the peaceful forest adorned by various families of plants, you confirm your gut feeling to be true.

Somewhere not far from you, there must be a river flowing softly.

And when you hear it, your mind turns upside down.

Water splatters from afar. Combined with the songs of the birds and the stillness of the place, a melodious sound; peaceful, resembling a fairytale. You clutch Sora’s hand on your right, smiling reassuringly. Hiding a heart beating in your throat proves harder than expected.

But the task reaches its peak on the mountain of impossibility when the pathway ends, giving way to the riverbank. The usually silent and empty stream is hidden behind a figure you spot today.

The person, a stranger on the first glance, sits on the grass with one leg angled up, propping an arm on it while the other hand presses against the ground. He is staring into the sun, though always a lover of darkness and shadows, and his hair strands sway in the light summer breeze.

You shoot a look at Hana, shaking your head, your waterline damp as your eyes ask, “How am I here? How is he here?”

The heart beating in your throat escapes through your mouth and floats through the air, making a bee-line straight to his feet where it drops.

On its knees for him.

He still loves to wear white, you realise. From your point of view and angle, dark raven hair hangs in his eyes, a miniature feather dangling from one of his earlobes. You think you recognise the earring, even now.

In front of the blue river water and light green nature, he looks like an angel sent from above. Like a scene from Garden Eden. Or Greek mythology. Like he was painted by Michelangelo himself.

As a dozen times before, you wonder if you’re hallucinating; stepping closer, but scared to touch him. He might dissolve – who truly knows? 

Your hands are a trembling and sweaty mess, and you let go of Sora, ignoring the pleas of your knees to buckle with all your willpower. You only realise that you’re crying when his voice chimes through the silence of the forest. Still so sweet; still so soft.

“A second visit in just two days?”

And then, he turns around.

You freeze on your spot the moment he does. A rectangle smile, blinding teeth flashing, falls when he detects you, contemplating whether he’s dreaming. Whether you’re made of dust particles that have taken your form to deceive, close to fading.

Behind you, you hear Hana speak up, her voice timid but loving as she remarks, “I knew you’d be here.”

But Taehyung doesn’t answer. You barely register it. Sora looks back and forth between the three of you, unsure what is going on, but not courageous enough to ask just yet. Instead, she leans against the tree, nibbling at her fingernails as she watches the scene unfold.

You can’t blame her for her confusion – she’s just a child after all.

“Since when…?” you mutter, looking at him, but speaking to Hana.

You’re utterly unable to look away; and he stays unblinking, too. Both your fingers twitch and ache for an embrace, your lips parted, a million thoughts and words begging to come out.

“Just a few days,” Hana clarifies; she sounds a little like she feels guilty, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“Why…” you gulp, your voice unsteady, “why didn’t you?”

For a moment, it’s quiet. Then, you hear steps come closer, slowly and patiently; and before you can turn to her, she places a hand on your shoulder, her mouth close to your ear, so you’re sure he can’t hear much of what she utters.

“Because… it takes time and patience to get over heartbreak,” she explains further and you shake your head again. “Especially in the company of the same person who broke you. And you…”

She pauses, grabbing your chin softly to turn you towards her, making you look at him. “Do you think you are able to deal with all the memories? To relive them with him and talk through them?”

Is there much to talk about?

Much to say except the repeated words of how incomplete you felt? Cut in half with a dirty knife. Infected wounds, pushing you into a murky fever.

“I love him,” is all you argue; your eyes are filled with sadness, carrying a tinge of hurt and disappointment that she didn’t tell you when you needed it.

You move your head again to look at him, and he’s still sitting, though less lax than before. His body looks like it’s about to lift itself off the ground every moment now, but he’s petrified; you imagine his limbs must feel as heavy as yours.

Three small steps bring you close to him, and you finally drop to your knees, uncaring about the dirt and the new state of your cream-coloured dress. Together, you must look like a couple from paradise. If all the dark plot points of your lives weren’t still so fresh, you might feel the same.

Years ago, when you met, you think you felt the same.

“I loved… love you,” you repeat, finding your voice amidst the tumult your heart causes, “I still do.”

There are scars on your heart, and he’s still written in them. He cut you open wide – and his face right in front of yours flicks at least an inch of the wound.

He whispers your name… lifts his palm, shaking and nervous, letting a tear escape his eyes.

Taehyung still looks the same. On his forehead, there might be one or two more wrinkles. His skin has changed a little, the lines of his features sharper.

But he’s still him.

Taehyung.

Your Taehyung – a steady memory.

Warm fingers, as soft, soothing and devoid of calluses as a writer’s hand, graze your damp cheek and your jaw. You close your eyes for a moment, inhaling a sharp, shrill breath; your sobs splinter and smash his heart.

In all those years, he kept your existence alive by engraving your smile into his mind. That he’d meet the opposite emotion when you’d see him again was much expected; but it doesn’t pain him any less.

“Where did you go?” you whisper, your palm sneaking to his arm. “One night and that was it? How could you–”

“I just–” God. Whenever he speaks, you fall a bit more. “I needed to keep you safe… And…”

“And yourself.”

“And myse–”

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to–”

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbles, your words overlapping in constant interruptions, and soon you’re not sure what either of you is saying.

You hear his apologies – he hears yours, whatever they stand for. And a moment later, your hand rests at the nape of his neck, his buried in your hair, and you’re both crying in the middle of a forest, disrupting nature’s piece with your very own tragedy.

“I never stopped thinking of you,” he confesses, his voice quiet and hitching, “not… not one second.”

You breathe in through the nose, sniffling and still moving your head from the left to right, for whatever unknown reason. In a second of silence, Taehyung looks past you and from his sister to the child.

When your gazes meet again, you recognise sadness in his eyes, an unspoken question asking, “Ours?”

And you nod.

In his stance and sobs, his words and touch, you understand that he’s still filled with confusion you’ll need to clear. Just as much as you’ll need to comprehend the years he spent apart from you, only to walk in a circle and land back in your arms.

You’re not certain what the future might hold for you. With Yujin’s confession and Taehyung’s innocence, a logical voice tells you that hurdles have finally vanished; but you can’t quite say just yet how much weight to give this hope. Pain doesn’t just fade.

You can barely believe your eyes just yet.

But there are a few truths in this world that are universal. No matter what life throws at you, they won’t change.

One – you could never find the strength to unlove Taehyung.

Two – his touches are still soft as silk, like the thin scarf bound around his wrist; comforting to an ethereal degree.

And three – you used to think that behind his chest, no heart hammered but a stone rested. Despite his clear affection, he seemed hard to break until he did; your early days were laced with doubt and confusion.

Today, his eyes still look like stones.

But this time, they might be gems; onyxes.

okay, so i was kinda unsure about this fic, but did love writing it, so i hope you guys at least enjoyed it, too !! 🥺 i fell for this tae hard :((

also, please do support me/this fic by liking, commenting/leaving feedback, and most importantly, reblogging (even if it’s without a review)! it takes just a second and means a lot and it’s cool to do it hehe !! 🥺 also, feel free to talk to meee, i’m curiously awaiting anything y’all have to say 🥰 

thank you so much for reading, loves <333

#kth smut #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #taehyung x reader #v smut #taehyung x you #bts au #bts fic #kth fluff #bts x reader #bts fanfic #kth angst #bts x you #taehyung scenario #taehyung imagines #thebtswritersclub

[shadowkoo]

The Taste of Sin

→ Summary: Following his sister's passing, Taehyung faced a daunting battle within himself, one where he eventually succumbed to the enveloping shadows that gripped his soul. Your task is to free him from the clutches of the black magic that now consumes him. The only problem? He doesn't want to be saved.

↠ kth x f.reader | 6.7k words | 18+ ↠ genre: angst, strangers to lovers, smut, black magic au, warlock/witch au

→ Warnings: Read at your own risk! Includes scenes of abduction/kidnapping, minor and major character death & dead bodies, murder, stabbing, knives and other weapons, blood, rituals and witchcraft (duh), slight torture / exorcism-like behavior? idk how else to describe it askldjf;skljdl, illusions to scars, burning skin, unprotected sex, explicit sex, angry sex, fingering, choking, oral (female receiving), teasing, begging, rough kissing, magical fucking? (we’re making that a thing lol), deep dicking, creampie

→ Author note: Thank you so much for reading! All likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. If you would prefer to bookmark and read it later on AO3, you can find it crossposted here.

Long ago, every instance of magic served a positive purpose. According to the tale, the cosmos gave rise to two mighty entities, Kai and Nyx, after many years of stagnant magic. For magic had been around for centuries by this point, but no one truly had mastered it.

When the culling eliminated many witches and warlocks, the magical line of descendants began to diminish. Kai and Nyx would become the light that the survivors could look to for guidance and protection.

They grew in unison, fostering and educating their apprentices about the complete potential magic can provide and how to harness their talents. Nyx was beloved by the people, and Kai’s gifts were powerful enough to keep them safe from those who dared to harm them.

Over time, Kai's feelings of resentment towards Nyx and his responsibility to safeguard only grew. He yearned to be worshipped. The affection that was once mutual turned into malice, and a sinister shadow wrapped around his soul. It tickled his spine, twisting around through his veins, until he let it take over and embraced the darkness within.

That was the day Black Magic was born.

In the present day, those who are gifted with magical powers are either deemed Sacred or Sinful once they’ve matured. It’s common knowledge that all witches and warlocks are originally born Sacred. Evil isn't born. We know that to be true. It's a learned behavior, created over time. However, the path someone follows in life can change everything.

It's not a matter of what side a witch chooses, but what side chooses them. And unfortunately, it's not as simple as good versus evil, light versus dark, or right versus wrong. 

It boils down to a witch's determination to defend themselves and the length their loved ones will go to in order to resurrect the person they once knew.

But black magic doesn't discriminate. It shows no concern for your family lineage, your economic status, or your future aspirations.

It's patient. 

It bides its time until your vulnerability allows you to embrace even the slightest taste before it creeps into your soul, waiting until you make the choice to devour it completely. 

At that point, you can no longer tell where the darkness ends, and a witch begins. They are now one.

So when the Kim family unexpectedly lost their sweet boy to the Sinful, they knew it would be nearly impossible to get him back.

The only way his soul can be saved is by someone who is accustomed to the taste of black magic helping to remind him of who he truly is.

"This is a photo we took on his eighteenth birthday. That was five years ago. We didn’t know it would be the last photo we would ever take of him..." Mrs. Kim hands you the photo and sniffles, a sign that she’s attempting to keep her composure.

'Please don’t cry, please don’t cry.’ you repeat to yourself. For being upper-class witches, they sure are some of the more sensitive ones. You can tell that they truly care for their estranged son.

Deep down you know that they have all the right reasons to feel this way, but your lack of certain emotions, specifically sympathy, makes it a little difficult for you to feel compassion in moments like this.

Ever since you were rescued from the darkness you've had a hard time understanding emotions and sensitivities. You don’t like either. They make you vulnerable, and vulnerability is dangerous for someone like you.

You are an exception to the rule, neither completely Sacred or Sinful. You’re a part of the Saved; a group of witches that have been brought back from the Sinful. Of course, you can never get rid of the darkness completely. It lingers in your blood, but you’ve learned to control it.

"So do you know what happened that allowed him to let the darkness in? I know that your family is one of the stronger bloodlines, so it couldn’t have been that his powers were limited. And he's not a half-blood either?"

Mr. and Mrs. Kim share a look, debating if they should disclose the reason to you.

"You're right. He was strong up until his sister died. He abandoned his powers and lost interest. We would have to plead for him to do anything remotely related to magic, and even then he put up a fight."

'That would do it. An emotional, grieving warlock that refused to use his powers would be an easy target.'

You rest your hand on Mrs. Kim's in an attempt to console her. "You know this is going to be difficult, right? He's been gone for so long. Are you sure your son is still in there?"

"I know he is. He has to be," she urges, her eyes begging for you to help them.

"Okay..." you say softly, "Were you able to track him? Where was he last?"

"On the east side of the city. We used a spell to pinpoint his exact location, and he was spotted three days ago on camera outside of this mini-mart." Mr. Kim hands you the blurry image. 

"Well, it looks like I’ve got some work to do. I’ll keep you two updated."

Taehyung gazes at the street lamps' reflection on the wet pavement. Unaware of the earlier rain, he stares at the puddles left in the wake of the storm.

His daze breaks as he catches the familiar sound of a woman's heels approaching. He closes his eyes, envisioning the woman within the shadows of his mind.

'She'll work,' he decides, watching her walk quickly in his general direction. Astral Vision is just one of the perks of turning dark. 

He waits until she’s closer, then conceals his body before she can see him lingering in the shadows outside of the bar. The spell took less than a second to manifest, and then he grabs her. One hand over her mouth and the other pushing her towards his car.

The woman is terrified, rightfully so, and Taehyung feeds on her fear. Her pale face, wide eyes, and fast pulse excite him.

He would have preferred to keep her lucid, but she wouldn’t stop screaming. Her high-pitched shrieks still echo in his ears. Thankfully, the sleeping spell he casts knocks her out, making the car ride enjoyable for the most part. 

If only there was a spell that silenced the constant whispering in his ear…

It doesn’t take long for them to arrive at his place. This part of the city was known for being the center of the dark arts, so when the woman's body trails behind him in the air, no one questions it because everyone is used to seeing some fucked up shit. Hell, last week someone set a captured spirit loose and kept walking through the walls of the old apartment building.

As they enter the dark lair, Taehyung waves his hand around and his magic carries the woman’s body to the worship room and gently lays her down on the makeshift altar table.

At the snap of his fingers, she wakes and frantically glances around at her new surroundings. A fireplace full of black flames, candlesticks everywhere she looks, pentagons and other unrecognizable sigils painted across the walls, and a mysterious man walking toward her with a devilish smile.

"Blood is old. Blood is powerful. Blood is exactly what the darkness wants." He starts chanting, making his way around her body, circling her.

"No, please!" The woman yells as she struggles against the restraints that suddenly appear from thin air. "Please. I beg you," she cries, "I have a child. She's two. *Please!*" The woman continues to sob as he lifts the knife in the air

"Shut up. This will go by faster if you just shut the hell up."

It wouldn’t matter if she was pleading as if her life depended on it. In this case, it did, but that’s irrelevant. Nor does the look in her eyes when she realizes she was going to die tonight. 

Taehyung doesn’t care. He just wants the whispering to end, and the only way to make that happen is to do what it told him.

So he did.

You listen quietly as Taehyung completes his incantation, completely drawn in by the way he handles his power. The unlit candles that fill his room all ignite when he finishes, signaling that your cover is close to being blown now that you’re no longer hidden from plain sight.

The girl notices your figure and wails out when your eyes manage to lock. If it hadn’t been for the fact that she saw you already, you weren't sure when, or how, you were going to make your presence known. 

That's how easily the darkness can get to you. You didn’t even realize when it had you paralyzed in time. And if a witch isn't aware at all times, they have a higher chance of being taken over.

"Please save me! I see you, help me!" Her shrill voice pierces through the empty room. You duck by a bookshelf and wait to see if he spots you too. 

Taehyung pauses to glance around; he doesn’t sense anyone so he closes his eyes and continues with his plan.

When you step out of the shadows she repeats herself, begging to be let go, begging for you to help her. 

You take another step closer, moving slowly while racking your brain for how you’re going to get her out of here when suddenly the dark flames quit dancing in the fireplace. Every candle in the room turns toward you and the room becomes too quiet.

Someone taps on your shoulder. Startled, you turn your head to find no one there. And when you move to face the woman again, a tall figure stands in your way.

"Who the hell are you?" Taehyung demands, a mere few inches from your position.

If you weren’t slightly concerned about what he was going to do to you next, you probably would have laughed out loud. That blade is pointless. You both know that he can do a lot more damage with his powers now that the darkness is on his side. 

Speaking of which, his other hand twists at his side and you guess he’s trying to inflict pain on you somehow.

You know this must be true when he frowns, clearly confused as to why you aren’t on the floor in crippling agony.

"Oh, yeah. That doesn't work on me babe, clearly not human." You admit rather smugly. His demeanor tenses as you close in on him. "You should really put the knife down. You don't want to accidentally hurt her, do you?"

"That's exactly what I want to do," he hisses, using his magic to send his knife flying through the air and into her chest before you can even process what’s happening. 

The second the blade touches blood, every candle in the room is extinguished.

You somehow manage to hold in your surprised gasp, despite not being ready for that.

This job isn’t for everyone. You’ve witnessed a lot of death in your short time as Saver. If it wasn’t for the good pay and the sense of accomplishment, (not to mention the high probability of making Nyx proud) there was no way in hell you would willingly put yourself in this traumatic position.

That's what you remind yourself of anyway. Especially since it’s hard finding anything else with your label. Damn witch society and their stupid social standings for making everyone believe that a Saved witch is any less of value than a Sacred one.

It’s been a while since your last assignment, and after how badly that one had ended, you’ve been contemplating if it was a mistake to come so soon - just like your coworkers had presumed. 

You brush those thoughts aside and remember why you’re here, to save.

"Did you have to kill her? Was that really necessary?" you prod.

"Yeah, it gets them off my back," he huffs, "What do you want?" He peers at you, trying to figure you out.

One ‘perk’, for lack of a better word, of being one of the Saved is that when a Sinful reads you, they catch onto the lingering darkness and assume you're one of them. It makes it easier for them to trust you, which inherently makes your job easier.

"Need a place to crash for a week or two. I sensed you from outside. Thought it was safe here since we're the same and all that." You had rehearsed this part, knowing you would need a valid excuse to get close to him. And it was normal, the Sinful did usually group together. Everyone is stronger in numbers.

"Does this look like a boarding house to you? Get the fuck out." He turns back to the dead woman's body and catches her blood in a vessel filled with ash and other unrecognizable ingredients.

"What kind of ritual is this?" You ask, ignoring his demand and following him around the room as he throws other components into the blood pool. "Looks very...ancient?" It looks disgusting if you’re being completely honest, but you have to play along. "Need help?"

"Why aren't you leaving?" He questions. "Did I not make myself clear? Get. Out."

"What if we make a deal," you suggest, starting your plan. "I'll clean up your messes and stay out of your way and you let me stay here. I'm a newbie, if you can't tell. So far I'm really enjoying how much I don't care. I can do whatever and go wherever I want. Well actually I can't, I think I'm being hunted-" Your rambling trick works and he interrupts you, clearly irritated. and doing whatever he can to shut you up.

Taehyung rubs a hand over his face when he realizes he can't get rid of you, "Okay! Okay, I really don't give a shit. Stay here then. Whatever. Just stop talking. Fuck."

It’s rather easy getting him to cave, but in retrospect, that's not a good thing. It just proves how far gone he is. For example, who doesn't care if a random person - specifically a person who broke into their home - stays with them for an uncertain amount of time? He just doesn't care. And that's scary.

He walks towards the door, the vessel still in hand, and turns to you to say, "I'll be back later. Take care of the body."

Lovely.

3:00 AM

There’s a reason why this time of night is called the witching hour. That's when witches and warlocks are the most powerful. 

So here you are, cross-legged and floating above the floor, getting ready to do something rather invasive, but effective. You aren’t sure if there’s a specific name for what you’re doing, but you’re basically putting yourself into Taehyung’s dreaming mind to pull the memories out of their hiding spots.

When the darkness takes over, it pushes everything aside and fills your mind with disturbing thoughts instead of your own, and it does this so quickly that you forget almost everything about yourself in a matter of minutes.

It’s also tricky because you aren’t able to detect what the memories are until after having drug them out from the deepest pockets of his mind. You have a 50/50 chance of this working in your favor, and you really need it to.

Being inside someone's dream is like being underwater. You don't move as fast as you usually do, and everything's a little fuzzy to look at. Thankfully Taehyung is smart enough to have his memories boxed away, so it isn’t hard to find them. You reach for the nearest one to you, then proceed to open the lid.

The first memory that you pull is one from Taehyung's childhood. You watch his family run around the beach, laughing and splashing around in the salty ocean water.

You reach for another, and suddenly it's autumn. Older Taehyung and his younger sister are kicking the leaves around in the park. A crisp breeze carries the leaves away in the wind while they play.

The next memory leaves you chilled. Taehyung is driving through a snowstorm on his way home after picking his sister up from school. He didn't want her to drive in this weather. You watch in horror as a deer runs out in front of them. He swerves and the car spins on the icy road before rolling several times. They're knocked out for a while, and when Taehyung finally comes to he notices that she's no longer next to him, and there's a giant hole in the windshield.

You return to your body, which is covered in a cold sweat. 'What a terrible way to watch a loved one die. No wonder he let the darkness in.'

You’re ready for your next plan of attack the following morning when Taehyung finds you in the kitchen. His face twists when he notices your bowl, he’s not-so-secretly judging your choice of food.

"What? A witch has to eat." You say, defending the sugary cereal. "Plus, it was in your cabinet. You bought it."

"Didn't buy it. Also not my house, I'm just ahhh - renting it for the time being." He grins, obviously satisfied with his response.

'He's in a rather decent mood. Especially compared to yesterday. Does that mean the memories worked? There's only one way to find out...'

"So," you start, even though you know Taehyung isn’t paying attention to you, "How did you sleep?"

"I relived my sister's death last night." 'Yeah. That one's on me. My bad.' "But I also dreamed about this breakfast cafe near my favorite park that my family used to eat at every time we came to the city."

Your eyes grew in size when you realize that he remembered a memory all on his own. This is really good. Really, really good.

Taehyung wakes up feeling different, but he can’t place how. For the first time in a while, he doesn’t hear whispering, and he can’t help but wonder if you have something to do with that.

'It must be', he decides. 'You, for whatever reason, keep the whispering at bay.'

And then it clicks. You're one of them. And he doesn't know what to do about it.

You're here to fix him. But he doesn't want to change. To go back to a normal life. Well, as normal of a life as a warlock can have.

He sits up in bed and opens his palm. The smallest flame appears and he watches it dance in his gloomy room. He doesn’t want to miss this. Without black magic, Taehyung is nothing but a weak man, incapable of protecting the people he cares about.

He plays it off when he sees you in the kitchen, choosing to talk about his dreams last night, and watches your face light up when he threw in that last one.

"Do you want to visit that place today? It sounds like it's nice," You suggest before getting up to put your empty dish in the sink.

Taehyung's face drops, he’s right. You’re one of the Saved.

"You'd enjoy that, wouldn't you? It's too bad that place doesn't exist," he hisses before driving you backward. Your head bounces off the wall and he doesn’t hesitate to push the knife he had hidden earlier against your windpipe.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? I know what you are," he seethes. His rage deepens as his face lowered to yours. His eyes burn into yours, "You're Saved. And now you're trying to save me. Correct?"

You swallow slowly and nod. This is a serious situation. At any point, Taehyung could snap. Then who would save him?

Both of you proceed to look at each other, waiting for the other to do something stupid. He presses the knife further into your skin, fighting with himself to end your life. But he can’t, for some reason, he’s intrigued and wonders ‘What if?’

"Fuck it," he breathes, having made up his mind, and closes the gap between you. His lips move against yours in a fight for power. The forgotten knife drops to the floor and his arms move to hold you tightly between his body and the wall.

You’re in shock. This isn’t supposed to happen. Definitely not a part of your plan. You don't sleep with the people you're supposed to save; you're pretty sure there's a rule against that somewhere. But strangely enough, you aren’t complaining. He’s a good kisser.

'This really shouldn't be happening.'

No matter how wrong it may be, you let things continue. He has you shoved up against the wall, his lips covering yours. 

Taehyung’s magic massages along the sides of your body, before joining in the middle and going right for your center.

He knows exactly what you want before you do, touching the right places, and bringing goosebumps to your skin's surface with every motion.

He’s addictive - whether it’s because of the taste of sin on his skin or the taste of the black magic vibrating through his veins - you can’t get enough of it.

Practically every nerve in your body is on fire and you haven't even gotten to the fun part yet.

You moan when the pressure between your legs grows, and bite your lip in an attempt to keep them in.

"You should be running in the opposite direction right about now," he purrs before leaning to drag his tongue along your neck.

"Oh please, I'm not going anywhere. Not until I get what I want." You pant. 

"And what do you want?" he questions with a sly smirk.

"You." 'And to save you.'

He doesn’t hesitate to tear your clothes off before removing his own.

"Please," you beg, needing to be touched by him. Your insides ache for more of him.

He brings a hand up and closes it around your neck, "No talking. Got it?"

You nod again, secretly enjoying the slight pressure and the tingling feeling the lack of oxygen creates.

He lifts one of your legs and you wrap it around his waist, opening yourself up for him. His fingers sink into your heat, moving at a pace you can’t keep up with, preparing you for what’s to come next.

Another moan leaves your swollen lips as he pushes into you without hesitation. Your back arches involuntarily and you squeeze your eyes shut at the amount of intense pleasure running through your body. 

Taehyung holds firmly onto your sides and he pounds into you relentlessly. His deep thrusts have you close to seeing stars. The magic he’s using simultaneously leaves behind sensuous, shadowy caresses upon your skin as he takes you to another dimension.

“Fuck,” he growls before placing lingering wet kisses along your neck. You marvel at how he stretches your insides out in the most delicious way.

“Don't stop. Keep going,” you choke out, unable to stay silent any longer, “Please keep going, oh god!” You’re so close to the edge. A few hard thrusts later and you’re shaking as the coil deep inside you snaps, sending waves of white heat throughout your body.

You whimper when he continues to pound into you, his release not far off. Taehyung moans one last time before releasing into you, and your convulsing walls suck in his warm seed.

You shudder when he slowly pulls out of you and dropped to his knees. A small gasp slips out when his parted lips meet your center. Your fingers grasp onto his hair as his tongue dove deep into you.

Taehyung indulges himself in your sweet taste. For whatever reason, he can’t get enough of you. It isn’t until you’re pleading for him to give you a break that he releases your already sensitive nub.

He takes a moment to catch his breath, and once he has he stands back up. Both of your chests are moving at the same pace as you look into each other's eyes, almost asking, what now?

"Okay. Well, um, I'm gonna shower... I'll see you later?" Fuck, you don’t know how to talk to him after that. Are you supposed to thank him for the best sex of your entire life? Do you just quit your job and run away?

Taehyung, on the other hand, is in awe. He isn’t sure what kind of spell you have over him but he’s already craving more.

He doesn’t care enough to argue about the fact that you lied to him. Not after that. 

Plus, sex is sex. If he has to put up with your annoying habits and attempts to 'save him' for a while longer for good sex then he will. Simple as that.

With his decision made, he accompanies you into the bathroom. "I hope you're ready for round two."

Honestly, you aren’t sure how long you’ve been with Taehyung. The days tend to blend together, particularly due to your inconsistent sleeping schedule.

You still have your mission in mind, but it isn’t something you desire to finish right away. The small sliver of darkness inside of you rejoices when you push your duties aside.

The second Taehyung becomes Saved and is returned to his family, you have to say goodbye. And that's something that you aren't prepared for. You know now that your heart has gotten involved, which is a dangerous game to play.

This is exactly why they say to never mix business with pleasure. It makes such a mess of things.

Taehyung keeps you in bed for most of the day, for reasons most can assume, and your exhausted body isn’t tired of this routine just yet. Habit has it that you usually fall asleep, phone in hand. So it’s no surprise that when you awoke to it vibrating you already knew what to expect.

After rubbing the sleep from your tired eyes, you squint at the bright screen in an attempt to read what it says.

Unknown Caller

Your heart sinks, and you crawl out of bed. 'This isn't going to be good.' You hurry to make it out of the bedroom before answering.

"Hey, Taemin-"

"It shouldn't be taking you this long to track a Sinful." Your supervisor interrupts, "What the hell is going on? Are we losing you?"

"Nothing's going on, I swear. I tracked him at first but then things got complicated. I even managed to break into his place." Your excuse is half-true. "I’ll keep you updated on my progress-"

"It’s been over a month. You have 48 hours to bring him in, or we're giving the case to Dino. My advice is to get the Sinful bastard on a leash and *bring him in.*" He hangs up on you and his words echo in your mind. 48 hours. 48 hours until someone else is taking him from you.

"Who was that?" Taehyung asks with a scratchy voice when you crawl back into bed.

"Wrong number. Go back to sleep," you whisper. You wait for his breathing to even out and take the risk of projecting into his mind once again. It’s dangerous to flood him with so many memories this fast but you don’t have a choice. You pluck memory after memory out of those damn boxes, hoping that it’s enough to make him come back. You’re running out of time.

The following morning, you realize just how dangerous it can be. Taehyung is in a sour mood from the second he wakes.

"Why can't you just stay out of my mind for one night!" he hollers, climbing out of bed and trying to get away from you as fast as possible. "I know you were in there. Why do you have to remind me of her." His voice cracks and it pains you to see how much he’s hurting.

You can’t stop though. Even though he’s in pain, he’s still feeling, and he needs to feel to get better. “Because your memories are important-”

"Stay out of my fucking head!" He rages, cutting you off and disappearing before you can say anything else.

It's now been several hours since you saw him last. Maybe you were pushing him too hard and the darkness realized that it's being forced out. They call it a flare-up; it’s like the last straw. The darkness will do anything to stay in its host, even if that means harming them.

Once Taehyung returns, you try not to panic when you see the bruises all over his body. Not normal purple-blue bruises, but deep green and black ones. Serious ones. Especially for a warlock. These kinds of bruises are caused by magic. Strong magic. Typically black magic.

"Oh my god, what happened?" You rush to him the second he steps in the door. He’s shirtless, hands all bloody, and covered in those god-awful bruises.

"I don't- I don't know. Blood everywhere. The bodies. I don't know."

Your hands rest over his and you close your eyes, focusing on retracing his steps with your gifts.

You’re transported to an alley, where you watch as Taehyung attacked a mob of the Sinful. You wince when he snaps the first man’s neck and then consumes the darkness seeping out of the slumped body. He claims the additional power for himself, as he does with the rest of the people that you see left lying around.

You pull yourself back to the present and look at Taehyung. With more black magic running through his veins, heat radiates from his body and his muscles tense, hoping to be used in another battle shortly.

"Taehyung, I know it hurts to remember and feel these emotions but I really need you to keep them. Don't let the darkness take them away. Please, Taehyung. It's important." His eyes meet yours and you can see the fight he’s putting up from the inside.

"I'm trying. I really am."

Your fingers trail down his cheek, "I know. I know how hard it is, and I know how strong you are. You can do this."

"I can't." Tears stream down his face, "I'm nothing without it, I'm weak. I have to let it in again. I need it."

His entire demeanor changes after saying those words, not realizing the weight that they carry. He’s so close, and now it’s back. He’s rid of the darkness for just a few short minutes and he’s so broken. There’s no way you can save him all on your own.

"You," He says, his voice deepening to something sinister, "Don't you know when to give up? Haven't you realized he doesn't want you to save him?"

"He wants to be saved. You just won't let him go. I'll get him back, and I'll get you out for good," you spit out.

"It's been too long, he's never coming back," the voice gloats, although the darkness that spills through his lips doesn’t match his eyes. "How pathetic it is that you have feelings for this weak warlock. Don't you know that he will never be the same? He won't love you. He doesn't even know what love is. Stupid girl."

"That's a lie." You remind yourself that this isn’t Taehyung talking. This was the darkness. “He’s capable and worthy of so much love, unlike you.”

Even though you know better, there’s a small part of you that’s scared it’s true. 'What if it’s impossible for him to love? Even after he comes back?'

Taehyung can’t help it. He really tried. But it’s just too strong of a fight for him. He doesn’t have the energy.

And you don’t have time to waste. Grabbing onto his head, you stare into his eyes, "I'll get you out of there, I promise." He tries to pry your hands off but you hold on strong. "I promise, Taehyung. Please hold on just a little longer."

You hate to leave him, especially after a momentary breakthrough, but you need help. So you dial the one person you know you can depend on.

"Hey Dino, how fast can you and the others get here?"

It's been different since you've left.

Taehyung doesn't understand why he feels this way, or why he feels at all. He doesn't care, at least that's what he's telling himself to get through the past couple of days. Although he can't help but wonder why you left, and if you’ll ever come back.

It’s thoughts like these that have him so distracted, that's why he doesn’t sense them. That's why they’re able to capture him. Once again, Taehyung is nothing but a weak warlock - even with black magic on his side this time.

Whoever it is, they’re strong enough to cast a sight spell. He can’t see anything. He doesn’t know where he’s being taken.

When they finally release the spell, he's confused by his surroundings. He was almost expecting to see more Sinful wanting to suck the rest of his powers out for their own benefit this time.

To his genuine surprise, it's you.

You and a crowd. All Saved witches and warlocks. Even though he knows what's coming, he's terrified. Not many make it through this part.

"I know you're smart, so I don't need to explain to you that this is going to hurt like a bitch. But I need you to hold on. The darkness is going to want you to give up, and I swear to god Taehyung, if you let that happen I will kill you. You need to hold on."

The group circles around his body and began chanting the spell while you prepared to do the worst part. You refuse to let anyone else do this. 

It’s horrific, to say the least. No one enjoys burning protective sigils into another person's skin, especially when that person is someone you love. You know better than to look at his face when you do this, but his screams remind you of how terrible it hurts, and the scars on your arms ache having been in this exact position. The smell of melting flesh is enough to make you sick to your stomach, let alone the combination of all of these things.

Hell is nothing compared to what a witch goes through to be Saved. The rush of everything that you have done but technically didn't do, the people you murdered, the emotions and memories that come flooding in. It's a lot to be overwhelmed with. And sadly, not everyone can handle it. 

You pray to Nyx that Taehyung is capable to make it through this.

'I'm okay, keep going.'

Raising your gaze to him as his voice sounds in your mind, he reassures you that this has to be done.

'Whatever happens, keep going.'

You nod, holding back tears when he lets out another blood-curdling cry.

You don't know what happened. An eerie sensation washes over you as you try to make sense of the scene in front of you. Someone screams. Who’s screaming? You don’t recognize them to be coming from you, but it has to be. The only thing you’re able to focus on is someone dragging you away from his cold, limp body.

Dino holds onto you through your endless fighting, "He's gone. We need to move. You know we're all at risk with that kind of dark power floating around, unseen."

And that’s the last time you saw Taehyung.

Life after leaving the city is hard. 

You refuse to talk to anyone about what happened, but they all have their own assumptions. Even your supervisor wants you to take more time off but you’ve been declining. Surrounding yourself with work is the only distraction capable of taking your mind off everything else.

You’ll gladly do anything but sit at home where you actually had time to think.

The assignment you recently returned from had been really underwhelming; you brought back and returned the woman to her husband in less than a day. A new record for you. All it took was a handful of wedding photos and snap - she was back. Granted, this one was only gone for a fortnight, so it was an easy job compared to... You let that thought end abruptly, refusing to say his name.

Unlocking your front door, you take a step inside and drop your bag at your feet, your magic closing and relocking it for you. 

'Something is wrong.'

You feel it, someone else’s presence. You have no idea how or why - but someone is in the next room over. Your magic can sense theirs.

Nobody knows where you live, not even the other Saved witches. You need to have your safe haven in case anything ever happens. Your house is spellbound to keep the Sinful from entering. However, if a Sinful took in an absurd amount of darkness, it isn’t impossible for that to happen. And you’re terrified to find out who is waiting for you.

It isn’t common for them to hunt you down but in the rare event that it does happen, you have certain protocols to follow, or else things can get very dangerous. Scared to death, you keep your hands at bay and pull yourself mostly together before walking into the living room.

"Why are you crunched over walking like that?"

Letting out a yelp, you immediately turn to your left. “Taehyung?" Your hand rests on your beating heart. 'He's alive?'

"Before you ask, yes I'm alive, and yes it's actually me." It takes you a moment to register his words, which he completely understandable. He knows you must have been through a lot these last couple of weeks. Especially since everyone assumed he was dead.

"There's no way... It’s not possible. Dino checked before we left, you were dead. I don't know how you are here right now." 

'You're hallucinating. That's the only realistic answer. You're going crazy and imagining all of this. There is no way Taehyung was alive this whole time. You would have known.'

"Well, apparently he didn't do his job very well because here I am," he chuckles. This is so not the time for chuckling and happy reunions.

You know it’s cliche to do so, but you really just had to poke him in the chest to check. Magic-wise, you can tell he’s alive. You can also tell that he’s still a warlock again, blessed with the gifts of Nyx, but you can’t place any darkness within him.

"How is that possible?” you mumble to yourself, reading his soul again.  All Saved have a trace of darkness...but he has none.

"This might be a wild assumption, but can it be due to the fact that I died and came back? I don't think the darkness could withstand that."

"That seems logical." You’re still weirded out by this whole ordeal but that answer would work for now, at least until you brought him to the base tomorrow to be checked out. "So then why were you hiding in the corner?"

His lips curl up, "What can I say, I learned from the best."

"Okay, so then why are you here? In my house?"

"I needed to see you. I didn't believe it at first either when I first woke up. I thought maybe I turned into a ghost or something, that my spirit was trapped since I died dark. But people noticed me on the streets. And for the first time in years, only my own thoughts were in my head. No whispering." He rests a hand on your cheek, "You saved me."

“It was my job,” you blurted out, not knowing what to say. This is absurd, everything that had just happened made absolutely zero sense. 

He gives you a look, knowing better than to believe that was the only reasoning for why you pushed so hard to bring him back.

"And can I just say for my personal well-being that I never wanted to hurt myself more than the day when fake-me said that it was impossible for me to love you. You have no idea how hard I was fighting to come through and say the exact opposite."

Taehyung steps forward and pulls you against his body, "Because I do, I love you."

Your heart nearly bursts having heard him confess the truth. Raising your hands up to his head, you pull him down into your waiting kiss, where you pour love and light into one another.

While you’ve become accustomed to the taste of sin on his lips, you’ve got to admit, the taste of love is so much better.

©shadowkoo 2023. All rights reserved.

#taehyung #kth #taehyung x reader #taehyung fanfic #taehyung smut #warlock taehyung #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts fic #taehyung fic #warlock bts #taehyung au #bts au #bts smut #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung fic #kim taehyung oneshot #taehyung oneshot #bts oneshot #kim taehyung smut #kim taehyung warlock au #kth fic #kth fanfic #kth smut #kth x reader #kth x female reader #taehyung x female reader