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thebibliomancer · 1 year

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #290: The World According to the ADAPTOID!

April, 1988

DAY of the ADAPTOID!

OH NO THE ADAPTOID IS PUTTING EVERYONE INTO TIMEOUT CUBES!

Oh, hi, Cap!

So. How did we get here?

Last time on Avengers: During the Avengers Under Siege arc, the Super-Adaptoid got free from the stasis tube he was being stored in at Avengers Mansion, switched places with the Fixer, and has been running rings around the Avengers. He gathered a small group of like-minded robots and had them smash shit at the Avengers’ new Hydrobase headquarters while he himself summoned the living cosmic cube Kubik from SPACE. The Super-Adaptoid super-adapted Kubik’s reality altering powers and now he controls everything I guess.

Good game, Avengers. Fell apart a little at the end but overall solid run.

No, no.

I’m sure they’ll somehow prevail, possibly with the help of Cap(tain) because he wasn’t in previous issues.

Can I just say I don’t love that design for Kubik? Or the Adaptoid for that matter?

Looks like a budget transformer. And also the way the plot has gone with the Adaptoid scheming his way to adapting reality warping, we didn’t really get him becoming a mashup version of this team of Avengers which is also a disappointment.

I don’t want to start on too negative a note but I’m already on guard due to this being the Monica Rambeau character assassination era in Avengers.

So, let’s get into it! Yeah!

So on the opening splash page, the Avengers burst in to find two weirdo looking robot dudes (Kubik and the Super-Duper-Adaptoid) and after everyone pauses in place long enough for a two-page spread recapping the story thus far, the Adaptoid just cubes the Avengers and also Machine Man.

Cover image came true a lot quicker than I’d have thought.

And then with the main characters of this book put in cube timeout, Kubik and the Adaptoid talk in a weird font.

The gist of the conversation is despite the Adaptoid telling Kubik to piss off, Kubik wanted to stick around and see how this was going to play out.

So the Adaptoid teleported him into the biggest black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy. Which seems an overreaction but what do I know.

The Adaptoid assumes its generic metallic faceless form and explains that its due to the sliver of Cosmic Cube AIM used to build him, that he was able to super-adapt Kubik’s powers because they’re basically chips off the same block. Or, he’s the chip off Kubik’s block.

Whatever.

The Adaptoid also declares himself the SUPREME ADAPTOID and outlines his plan to create a couple billion Adaptoids and completely replace humanity.

Good to have goals, I guess.

Machine Man decides to further recap the bits of the story that the first recap hadn’t covered. And specifies his motives were to figure out what the Adaptoid was doing and then stop him. He didn’t do a great job at that.

Captain Marvel manages to re-materialize herself now that the plot doesn’t need her discorporating in the corner. But the effort has basically wiped her. God forbid she do anything.

She has a theory that she could escape the cube prison if she could shift to visible light. Y’know, since the cubes are translucent.

But Machine Man has another idea, from a book he read. And it has to be seen.

(The idea has nothing to do with the actual process he uses. The book just spilled a lot of ink on the domino effect and Machine Man thinks that bonking floating cubes into other floating cubes is like dominoes)

He basically uses his anti-gravity generators to make the cube tumble around in midair and bonk into Namor’s cube which bonks into She-Hulk’s cube and so on and so forth until all the cubes are pushed out of the communications complex building so the Avengers can see the Supreme Adaptoid shitting out smaller Adaptoids.

“One for each man, woman, and child on this planet.”

Why are you even replacing the children? What are your adaptoids going to do? Go to school? Play stick ball?

Meanwhile, Dr Druid and Black Knight but I bet you mostly Dr Druid refuse to take a backseat to this plot.

Even though they were off-panel taken to a hospital due to injuries sustained while having their asses kicked by a robot, the two have borrowed a Quinjet from the West Coast Avengers and are returning to Hydrobase.

Dr Druid uses his MIND POWERS to render the Quinjet invisible to detection so obviously two Adaptoids crash through the windshield as soon as the Quinjet lands.

Because Dr Druid sucks.

The Adaptoids start adapting the two heroes, one sprouting a robe and the other sprouting armor and a sword.

It could get dicey quickly but Dr Druid advises Black Knight that these things aren’t human so won’t activate his super cursed sword’s super blood curse.

So Black Knight cuts them both down with his cuts anything sword. Metal ain’t much of an obstacle.

With the two attacking Adaptoids dead orrrr deactivated? Dr Druid suggests they should hurry and infiltrate Hydrobase before anyone notices the missing Adaptoids.

But suddenly Dr Druid and Black Knight are also cubes because the Supreme Adaptoid definitely noticed losing two of his “children.”

The upside to this though is that it demonstrates that She-Hulk is the funniest damn person on the team.

So at least their morale isn’t all bad.

Black Knight decides to use his cut-anything sword to cut out of cube hell but while his cut-anything sword can cut through the cube, the cube reseals almost immediately after so its not a solution.

(Also, they’re floating near the Supreme Adaptoid and he can re-cube them with a thought so... at best its part 1 of a longer plan.)

Black Knight: “Uhh, so much for my bright ideas. Captain Marvel, you lead this intrepid group. What’s the plan, chief?”

Captain Marvel: “I-i just don’t have anything promising to say. Maybe when my strength returns...”

Black Knight, sadly: “Oh.”

Monica Rambeau character assassination power hour, remember?

She’s not even allowed to be a little useful.

As she points out, the Supreme Adaptoid has the reality altering power of the Cosmic Cube. Usually you beat a Cosmic Cube user by taking the cube from them. But the power is inherent to the Supreme Adaptoid and he’s double telepathic so can’t be surprised.

Meanwhile, Kubik just pops out of the black hole that the Adaptoid dunked him into. Because, yeah, he can reality alter too and has more experience with it.

Kubik: “Doubtless the Adaptoid believed I would be a bewildered child within the singularity... but I have wandered the Schwarzchild radius before and was not lost or baffled. And so Kubik returns to Earth.”

But instead of returning to where the Supreme Adaptoid is, Kubik does not do that. As the Adaptoid pointed out, two beings like them going at it could destroy all of existence and Kubik likes looking at existence. Its interesting.

So he needs to think of a non-direct way to thwart the Supreme Adaptoid.

Thankfully, he decides to go look to Our Lord And Savior Best Man In All Of Existence the Captain America.

To be less sassy about it, the Captain America has experience with Cosmic Cubes, Adaptoids, and who has “a spirit of most uncommon valor.”

So, the Captain America has been out of the book a bit. I don’t know why he never contacted the Avengers to touch base but basically the government told him to get in line or turn over all the stuff that’s (C) the US government. The shield and the costume and the Captain America name.

The Captain America told them to take the job and shove it and got a new shield and a new darker costume that’s primarily black instead of blue. Instead of going by Nomad again, he just dropped America off the name and is going by the Captain instead.

Huh. Which makes the Captain in Nextwave a recycled name. Which is funny since his thing is that there weren’t any good Captain ____ names anymore.

Also, he’s got some red and white shapes in a vague flag pattern but instead of the star field he’s got a black star-shaped hole. I think the visual symbolism is that the heart has gone out of America or something. Let it never be said that Steve Rogers can’t be a little dramatic.

Anyway. You can see the Captain’s costume on the cover where everyone is in cubes.

Kubik pops into existence on the road where the Captain is motorcycling and tells him “This universe has great need of you!”

He also has to reintroduce himself since the Captain only knew him as a cube.

The Captain goes ‘heck I may be on a leave of absence but if the Avengers need me, I’m there’ and Kubik goes ‘okay, you’re there’ and teleports the Captain right behind the Supreme Adaptoid.

Okay, okay. The Captain asks Kubik to send him there. Kubik warned that the Supreme Adaptoid would just put the Captain in cube jail too. And the Captain went ‘nuh uh, I have a plan or at least a concept.’

The concept being that the Adaptoid was created by AIM to defeat Captain America so he probably has a chip on its shoulder about the Captain.

So Kubik teleported him to Hydrobase but at least erased his memory of the interaction so the Supreme Adaptoid wouldn’t know Kubik was involved in things again.

Also, yes, the Supreme Adaptoid immediately puts the Captain in cube jail.

Although he is a little confused how the Captain got so close without being sensed. But whatever.

The Captain decides to challenge the reality-altering machine god to a one-on-one fisticuffs c’mon be a man.

Supreme Adaptoid: “Why should I accept such a challenge when my merest shrug would erase you from existence as if you had never been?”

The Captain: “You’ll face me because it’s your destiny to face me! Your creators gave you a mission -- to utterly defeat me! It is a mission -- a programming -- you have never successfully carried out!”

Supreme Adaptoid: “That is true. But I am the Supreme Adaptoid now -- I have transcended all programming. My destiny is my own -- subject to my will and my will alone! I AM THE COSMIC CUBE INCARNATE!”

The Captain: “Maybe so, but how do you know even this grand scheme wasn’t an unknown part of your programming? How do you know A.I.M. didn’t intend there to be a synthesis of its two greatest creations? Could be you’re not as independent as you think, fella!”

The Supreme Adaptoid decides Cap(tain) is just trying to make him doubt himself but he DOES let Cap(tain) out of cube jail and tells one of the baby Adaptoids to defeat him.

So, ha ha, psychology worked!

Also, being let out of cube jail apparently makes a POOT! sound effect.

I’m immature enough to highlight and laugh at that.

The Captain engages in fisticuffs with the Baby Adaptoid as it starts adapting his fighting skills and new aesthetic.

While he plays the sweet chin music on the shapeshifting robot he thinks about how dangerous it is that the Super-Adaptoid has Cosmic Cube power. Because usually you need to exploit the character flaws of whoever is using the cube. But being an artificial being with absolutely no character flaws probably, that won’t work on the Supreme Adaptoid.

But also: FIGHTING HEART! SPIRIT! HUMAN STUFF! THAT’S WHY THE CAPTAIN WILL PREVAIL OVER AN ADAPTOID COPY OF HIMSELF!

Whether America or not, Steve Rogers loves giving speeches while punching things.

Also, while the Captain is fighting the Captain-Adaptoid, the other Avengers are just chilling in their cubes spectating the fight.

It looks very funny.

The fight gives Dr Druid an idea and he floats his cube over to the Supreme Adaptoid. Captain Marvel yells at him not to do anything foolish but Black Knight points out that anything is worth a try. How could things get worse?

Dr Druid claims that he wants to help the Supreme Adaptoid.

Supreme Adaptoid: “Help me!? I am all-powerful -- not a boast, a fact. I require no assistance. And I sense this is merely a ploy to try and defeat me.”

Dr Druid: “If it is impossible to defeat you, what harm can there be in listening?”

Supreme Adaptoid: “Speak briefly then.”

This guy sure can be baited.

Dr Druid argues that there is a way for the Supreme Adaptoid to prove that what he’s doing is free will and not A.I.M. programming. And that is to answer the question of: what then?

After the Supreme Adaptoid replaces all of humanity with Adaptoids, what then?

Well, he’ll rule them.

Okay and ruling means dictating what they’ll be doing. What are five billion Adaptoids going to be doing?

Uhhh.... the Supreme Adaptoid hasn’t thought that far ahead.

Dr Druid: “Exactly... because you lack one essential... imagination. All you are capable of is the imitation of that which already is... Adaptoid. Once you have eliminated all there is to imitate, you will simply have nothing to do.”

Further, Dr Druid says that Adaptoids not only don’t have imagination, they have no ability to even copy imagination.

So, wait. The Supreme Adaptoid thought up the whole plan to gather Heavy Metal to distract the Avengers, use their files to track down the Cosmic Cube and summon it to Earth, so he could adapt its power and become ALL-POWERFUL. And that is a plan that is specifically Adaptoid based so he couldn’t have just stolen it from the Fixer.

So does he have imagination or not?

I guess not because the Supreme Adaptoid tries to create something from nothing and just makes a generic Adaptoid.

But as he gets angry, knocks away the Dr Druid cube, he has a pissy tantrum where he repeats the very argument I made.

Supreme Adaptoid: “Of what purpose is such a parlor game? I have conceived and executed a scheme that has brought me to the threshold of universal domination. And if that is not creativity -- if that is not imagination -- what is? Away with you, doctor, you words of ‘wisdom’ fall on deaf ears!”

I mean. Good point. Is coming up with that plan he came up with not imagination or creativity? Guess not.

Anyway, while he was distracted having a philosophical debate with Dr “Debate Me!” Druid, the Captain beat his Adaptoid counterpart.

And the Captain does what the Captain does best and makes a speech that you can’t break the human spirit and so on. Not even if the Supreme Adaptoid turns reality into a pretzel!

Sufficiently baited, the Supreme Adaptoid drags himself down to the Captain’s level, takes on his form and skills and starts kicking the shit out of him.

Supreme Adaptoid: “I’ll now put the lie to your ludicrous speeches of ‘indomitable will power’ and the ‘human heart!’ Nonsense! What matters are the quantifiable attributes! Strength -- speed -- agility -- combat knowledge! I’ve taken those qualities from you! They reside in a body not fatigued by extreme exertion. Thus, I am your measurable superior! And not all of your vaunted valor or spirit means a whit! I will win!”

The Captain: “You can’t see, can you? It’s the spirit that fires the flesh... the spark that ignites at those moments when a man is most alive!”

Supreme Adaptoid: “Lies! I am the cube incarnate! I am all --”

The Captain: “You are nothing! To know of life you must know of death! Life’s brevity makes it precious beyond understanding! Our species lives with the knowledge that our loved ones will die -- that we ourselves will one day be dust. But we go on! That is courage! That is spirit! But because death is a stranger to you, life will be an endless sameness... an eternal nothing of acquisition to no purpose. There is no end for you... and I pity you for that. And all this horror -- all this waste because you, Supreme Adaptoid, cannot die.”

And so, to own the Captain, the Supreme Adaptoid adapts the ability to die and drops dead.

That is exactly how this plot resolves.

The Captain talks the monster to death.

But if anyone could do it, it was going to be Speechifyin’ Steve Rogers.

All the Avengers who did jack and shit in this entire issue are freed from cube jail by Kubik.

Kubik praises what a cool guy Captain America is and how “truly is humanity blessed to have such as him” and adds the Avengers to that sentiment too, as an afterthought.

Kubik then removes the Cosmic Cube sliver from the defunct Super/Supreme Adaptoid. Without it, the Adaptoid should never be able to menace Earth again.

Of course, the Super Adaptoid appears two years later to fight the Fantastic Four so way to fuck up, Kubik.

Having ended the threat of the Super-Adaptoid forever, Kubik returns to space but leaves behind a moral, of sorts.

Kubik: “I leave now for the stars and my cosmic pursuits, Avengers. I leave saddened by the conclusion of a tragedy that should never have been. The tragedy of self-deception. You see before you a straw man brought down by the arrogance of absolute power... brought down by a simple, though profound, expression. In the words of your own immortal bard... ‘To thine own self be true.’”

Wasn’t that part of Polonius’ speech where the point was that Polonius was a dumbass? Like, there was good advice in the speech but Polonius was a huge dingus?

Anyway.

I have sour feelings about this story, this Supreme Adaptoid arc.

For one thing, it doesn’t play well to the Adaptoid’s strengths of adapting. There’s a good mix of powers and skills in this group of Avengers that would be fun to see them having to face all combined in one opponent.

Its a good twist when it turns out that the suddenly dangerous the Fixer is actually the Super-Adaptoid but then the rest of the plot (minus the part where he adapted Kubik’s power) could have been anyone. Hell, it could have been the Fixer with a machine that siphoned or copied the Cosmic Cube power.

I feel like it was too soon for Hydrobase to get smashed up. Avengers Mansion got smashed up not so long ago and that had some real emotion to it. It was the Avengers’ home. Hydrobase JUST got retooled into being their new headquarters and it doesn’t even look like itself.

And its hard to enjoy a story where it seems like the point is that Monica Rambeau sucks and the Avengers suck if Captain America isn’t around. It ultimately turns this issue of Avengers into Dragonball Z where we’re waiting for Goku Steve Rogers.

The Avengers flail around ineptly, the villain becomes Perfect Cell or more appropriate comparison, and then we have to wait for Captain America.

And for what? If Captain America were rejoining the team right away, this could be a strong reintroduction to the team. You often have new members or rejoins be super competent in their debut to get the readers excited about them being back.

But - and this is looking ahead a little spoilers - Steve Rogers the Captain does not rejoin the Avengers. The team is going to flail around some more, get undermined, and then disband in the next ten issues. There’s going to be some time without Avengers at all. And then the Captain will reform the team with the Worst Roster.

Was the Avengers sitting in cube jail waiting for the Captain to bail them out supposed to get us excited for that? Because there’s nearly a year between now and then.

I’m being too negative because I know what’s coming.

The book was so solid under Roger Stern. The characterization was great. And now there’s going to be some instability in the creative team for a bit until we land on John Byrne as the permanent writer.

I’ll look for the good in the upcoming issues but we’re still in the editorially mandated character assassination of Monica Rambeau so it’ll be an uphill struggle.

Follow @essential-avengers but I can see why you’d hold off. But maybe do it anyway? Like and reblog too? Comment or reblog with your thoughts?

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