#tagging bc tumblr seemed to wanna fuck up the tags today
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Bruh. As much as we talk about how funny and wacko the early era of tumblr was with its mishapocalypses and so on and so forth, I like tumblr a LOT more now. Like, if you were ace, you did NOT wanna look in the asexuality tag back then like holy fuck. It was a hostile battleground in there every day. The idea of being "aphobic" was in and of itself a joke. It was a perfectly valid stance on here. People would straight up make fake ace blogs just to say super cringy shit so ppl could screenshot and use it for an example of our attitudes and behavior. It was so fucking exhausting to be on here sometimes. Every day I had to block blogs I had followed for ages and legitimately liked and I remember being so upset All The Time like bitch I'm just existing here what the fuck man. Eventually I just kinda backed my ass right back into the closet and blacklisted any and all ace content. Just said fuck it I can't look at this shit anymore I'm done i dont even care what I am.
I glanced in the ace tag today bc it's ace day and was so relieved. Like I know it probably hasn't been bad like it was for awhile now but I'm still just like always expecting the worst from the internet. I still subconsciously stay removed from my own identity most of the time and take pains not to bring it up unless I'm with my close friends, and even then not very often. I still cautiously hesitate to say I'm part of the queer community even tho most people it seems are on board with the A in LGBTQIA being for Aspec. It could just be that with the tiddy ban most of the remaining perpetrators left or something but either way I'm really glad this place has become legitimately ace-positive. I wouldn't have believed it possible back then there was SO much vitriol aimed at us. Even if this site is actually just an echo chamber of aces shouting positivity at each other today, I'll still enjoy it. They didn't really let us do that back then. They invaded every tag we tried to make for ourselves. So happy Ace Day. Don't forget to appreciate every positive post that shows up on your dash.
#asexuality#international asexuality day#ace day#saw it trending on twitter too but I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole
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the guitar riff from dream boy ugh 🥵
#waterparks#waterparks piano cover#tagging bc tumblr seemed to wanna fuck up the tags today#i wanna see if this gets fucked up too#i hate this site#also i can't get this riff out of my head#it's from the instrumentals he played#so good!!#edit: yes it got fuck!!!
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under the rain.
❝ it’s hard to believe that you want me too. ❞
PAIRING ▸ boyfriend!jaemin x fem!reader
GENRES ▸ smut, some fluff, established relationship
WARNINGS ▸ dirty talk, praise, car sex, orgasm denial, overstimulation, exhibitionism, some aftercare
WORD COUNT ▸ 1912 words
AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ this was an impulse-write i started a few days ago but i basically wrote 75% of it after the nct end of the year party video came out. jaemin is literally sososo pretty and omg seeing the new members and xiaohenyang with the rest of nct was everything ♡ i hope you guys enjoy this !! also psa this is reposted bc tumblr tags hate me
YOU DIDN’T EXPECT TO GET CAUGHT IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, NA JAEMIN.
The two of you were always too busy to see each other during the week. From college classes to football practice, Jaemin could barely squeeze in time for you. Rare moments like today, however, were when you could spend some quality alone time with him, away from friends and college lectures. Jaemin dedicated the entire day to you and only you, only for it to be ruined by the rainfall as you were walking back to Jaemin’s car from the movie theater.
You were drenched by the time you and Jaemin made it to the parking structure where his car was parked. Although the day had been perfect, from Jaemin taking you to your favorite coffee shop and then walking around with you downtown, you couldn’t help but feel somewhat gloomy because of the rain. You weren’t aware that you were visibly showing your exasperation until Jaemin wrapped his arms around you from behind, pulling you into his warmth.
“I’m sorry,” Jaemin murmured into your neck, “I didn’t know it was going to rain.”
You shivered a bit at his touch and put your hands over his. “It’s okay. I just wish we could be together for a little longer.”
You knew he was disappointed, too. Jaemin always complained about not having the chance to see you whenever he could, so simple things such as weekend dates were precious to him. On top of that, he absolutely hated not seeing you happy. Na Jaemin didn’t exactly have all the time in the world, but he did everything in his power to not let things end on a sour note.
The rain pattered outside of the empty parking structure, so Jaemin pulled you closer and opened the door to the backseat. You weren’t very sure where this was going to go but, regardless, you let him slide into the seat and pull you onto his lap, closing the door as soon as you were inside.
“Jaemin?” you asked, voice dropping to a whisper.
“Shh.” Jaemin silenced you and slid his long fingers over your clothed clit, rousing a surprised whimper from you. He smirked at your immediate reaction and brought his lips to your ear. “You like that?”
“Fuck,” you breathed out and looked around your surroundings, a sudden spike of anxiety rising at the thought of being seen. Yet, somehow, it got you even more excited. “What if someone sees us?”
“Then let them enjoy the show.”
Jaemin was always so shameless when it came to things like this. When you met up before classes once, he tugged you into a bathroom and took you in one of the stalls; on another occasion, you visited him during football practice and he snuck away to make out with you behind the bleachers. It wasn’t like you were opposed considering you were often just as sexually frustrated as he was.
Now, you both needed this. After barely seeing your boyfriend all week, you had kept everything pent-up, and you knew he felt the same way. Jaemin ran his free hand up and down your body, feeling what he had longed for.
“You’re so gorgeous, Y/N,” Jaemin whispered, blowing air against your ear. “Absolutely fucking beautiful.”
He slipped his hand past your waistband, tracing his fingers along the v-line of your pelvis. You shivered at the feeling of his fingers grazing your skin, traveling down to rub your clit in slow, teasing circles. You rutted back against him, craving more friction, more touch. This only encouraged Jaemin to speed up his pace, fingers rolling around your tiny ball of nerves in a way that made you go crazy.
“Jaemin, we shouldn’t—ah!”
“What was that?” he cooed sickeningly, knowing the effect he had on you.
But this time, you weren’t going to comply. No matter how horny you were, you knew it wasn’t a great idea to go at it in a parking lot. You were ready to—
Jaemin slid two fingers along your soaking slit. “Do you have something to say, Y/N?”
—completely give in.
“P-please,” you begged in a whimper, “more.”
“Such a good girl.” Jaemin slipped a finger inside of you, his free hand sliding up your shirt to feel you up. He slid his finger in and out of you, getting you more wet until he asked, “Want another one?”
You nodded quickly, breath hitching as Jaemin slid another finger in. Your walls tightened around his fingers but Jaemin didn’t slow down his pace. He pumped even faster, rousing a moan from you when his long fingers hit a certain spot that made your head go fuzzy. You felt a tingling sensation all over your body, warmth knotting in your stomach. You just wanted Jaemin to finish you off, but you knew that wasn’t his style.
You let out a moan that sounded about an octave higher, and Jaemin took it as his cue to pull his fingers out. You immediately whined, rolling your hips back against his. Your boyfriend tutted at your impatience and lifted his fingers to your lips.
“Suck,” he ordered, wanting you to taste yourself. You obeyed and held his wrist to suck on his fingers, and Jaemin bit back a groan. “Such a pretty mouth.”
He pulled his fingers away from your mouth once he was satisfied and tugged at your hips. You swiveled around so that you were straddling his lap, sitting on top of Jaemin’s painful erection. He reached up to move your hair out of your face, just admiring your features for a moment. It seemed as if he was frozen in time then, as if the world was just you and him in his car.
“It’s hard to believe,” he murmured, tracing his finger along your collarbone, “that you want me too.”
“Of course I do,” you whispered back, pouting at his statement. You wished he didn’t have to feel so insecure, but you understood that it was hard when you couldn’t see him all the time. “I love you.”
Jaemin smiled at your words, mumbling an “I love you too” as he grabbed the back of your neck to pull you down for a kiss. You kissed him back fervently, allowing him access to every part of you, letting his tongue roam your mouth and his hands roam your body. When you let out a gasp at the feeling of Jaemin’s hands gripping your ass, he seized the opportunity to kiss down to your neck.
“Jaemin, please,” you whined. “I need you.”
He pulled away for a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before unbuttoning his pants for you. You moved off of him to take off your pants, too, and when you came back to him, you were dying for his touch again.
You both were silent for a moment, just heavy breathing and chests rising and falling before he said, “Ride me.”
You hesitated because you had expected him to take charge tonight. Now, you were feeling a bit nervous, but you stepped up to the challenge. Nodding, you tugged down his boxers to let his cock spring out. He was so fucking hard and you were so wet and ready to take him.
“Easy,” he murmured, guiding your hips down on him. A gasp escaped your lips as he entered you, adjusting your position several times before you could take him in fully. “No matter how many times I fuck you, you’re always so tight and perfect for me.”
Jaemin groaned as your walls clenched and unclenched around him. Jaemin tucked his head into your shoulder, holding the small of your back as you moved your hips up and down on him. Your boyfriend greedily groped every possible place he could pleasure you, and when he got to pinching your nipples, you felt like your head was spinning.
You thought Jaemin was getting unsatisfied by your careful movements because he held your hips with a bruising grip and pulled you down. You moaned, curling your fingers into his hair as you bounced on his cock. Jaemin groaned into the crook of your neck, dragging his lips up to whisper words of praise into your ear.
He was rough sometimes, yes, but Jaemin loved to love, and he showed it during sex. Despite how rough he liked to get, it was the simple gestures that really showed how gentle he could be. He would kiss every inch of your skin that if he thought he held you too hard, stroke your hair while he was pounding into you, and hold you close to him because more than the sex, he just wanted you in his arms.
“Might cum—gonna cum, gonna cum,” you moaned out, nails digging into his shoulders as Jaemin fucked up into you.
He held your hips as he angled his hips again to hit that one spot that left you in the clouds. Your arm shot out to the side, attempting to grab anything for leverage, which was when you noticed how the windows started fogging up. Jaemin pressed his thumb against your clit, sending waves of pleasure that dared to make you spill over.
“Hold it for me, pretty girl,” Jaemin ordered in a gentle voice, rubbing your clit in circles as he grinded his hips up into you. “Don’t cum all over my cock just yet. I wanna do it with you.”
You closed your eyes shut, biting your lip and nodding. You let out a loud whimper each time Jaemin thrusted up into you, complete with you bouncing up and down on his cock. Jaemin’s voice was raspy, growling filthy words into your ear that made butterflies flutter in your stomach, edging you even more.
By the time you had tears streaming down your cheeks, Jaemin decided he had overstimulated you enough. He pressed down on your clit a touch harder as he circled the little ball of nerves. Paired with his intense thrusts, you were losing your hold over yourself.
Jaemin looked up at you, desperation over his face. “Go ahead, Y/N. Be a good girl and cum for me.”
You didn’t waste any time and unraveled right in front of him, crumbling into his hold right away. Jaemin groaned, filling you up to your brim, and relief washed over you when you remembered you were on the pill. But Jaemin continued fucking you through your highs, hips stuttering to a stop when you both had grounded yourselves again.
The only sounds in the car were the distant pattering of raindrops and the heavy panting from you and Jaemin. You bit your lip as you got off of him, his cum dripping down your thighs. You frowned slightly at the mess because you knew he had nothing to clean it off with.
Jaemin looked solemn for a moment when you got off his lap. You both knew that once you two got back to your college campus, this dream would end and you would get back to the cold reality of schoolwork and club activities.
He held your hand, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin. “Will you stay the night?” he asked gently. “I want cuddles.”
You smiled at his words. “Of course.”
It was true that you and Jaemin rarely had time to see each other recently, but right now, under the pouring rain, it didn’t matter because you had each other.
#nct dream reactions#na jaemin smut#nct dream hard hours#nct dream smut#jaemin smut#nct dream#na jaemin#nct#kpop hard hours#jaemin#nct dream drabbles#jaemin oneshots#jaemin drabbles#jaemin imagines#nct dream imagines#00 line smut#jaemin scenarios#nct dream scenarios#jaemin blurb
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I posted 10,470 times in 2021
80 posts created (1%)
10390 posts reblogged (99%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 129.9 posts.
I added 929 tags in 2021
#daughter squad - 326 posts
#azur lane - 229 posts
#snuggle zone identified - 80 posts
#❤️ - 52 posts
#tactical headpat deployed - 48 posts
#shuba shuba - 48 posts
#apex predator - 47 posts
#certified qtpi - 40 posts
#moomers - 30 posts
#wah - 29 posts
Longest Tag: 56 characters
#❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
What an absolute Chad. She picked up the RG too. What excellent taste
34 notes • Posted 2021-07-20 12:53:58 GMT
#4
how hot - duke of york, perseus, surtr, and pramanix? ty for the food though, its so hard finding even semi-sfw azur lane pics, you truly do us all a service - azurlaneimagines
Mmm Mmm yes comf ship ladies are the best :3
Duke of York
Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY
Powerful vampire lady with the firepower and drive to obliterate anything you put in front of her? *Chefs Kiss*
i haven't 120'd her yet but i do appreciate how her voice lines change after oath. While not one of my top KGV ships def one of my favorites. just don't tell her i also oathed Howe
Perseus
Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY
Honestly, Wow. Her art is better than some PR ships! Owls Cools!! But aside from her cute Tsun/introvert act she puts on (before you oath her, bonus points for extra lines after oath) she genuinely seems like someone you’d wanna just spend the day with on a nice fall/spring day just vibin. That aside her whole, Tsun to friendly, thing low-key reminded me of myself (im super introverted before im comfortable with someone) so bonus points there too! Yostar plz give her a comf skin
See the full post
41 notes • Posted 2021-09-08 21:11:23 GMT
#3
Finished bofuri today, I feel like it’s just optimal storytelling to just let the animation team just dick around and then write a story based off of that, as that is the only way I can rationalize what transpired
The sheer amount of fun everyone is having from the author to the animators is just palpable and I am 100000% here for it
Like I know New Game’s author wrote NG to fall in love with game design again (iirc) so I would LOVE to learn why Bofuri’s author decides to make it bc everything is just an absolute joy to experience
42 notes • Posted 2021-06-07 00:57:52 GMT
#2
OHHHHHHH FUCK YEA LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
74 notes • Posted 2021-11-18 03:43:51 GMT
#1
<3
107 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 18:09:33 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →
#my 2021 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#only really sharing bc Ayaya top#azur lane#❤️
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*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server
once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier
also x1000 longer than previous post
"ur satan is gnc af"
"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"
"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj
ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS
IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"
"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"ohoho sexy"
"I am very proud of myself"
"himbo x edgy fuck"
"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"
"he has teefs"
"SQUASH"
"good for biting 📷"
"he's a himbo basically"
"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"
"bifth"
"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"
"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"
"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan"
"I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"
"crimes"
"tumblr sexyman"
"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"
"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"
"steampunk e-girl"
"steampunk tumblr sexyman"
"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"
"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"
"ARTIST SIGHTED"
"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"
"babby..... would die for him"
"honestly i probably kin him"
"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"
"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"
"Also :00 blonde friend"
"Let us all infodhmo"
"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"
"Nix woukd you like to joon?
"skitters away"
"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"
"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"
"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"
"Awkwardly watches in band kid"
"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"
"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"
"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"
"anyway heres my boi"
"emo"
"haha emo"
"virgil sanders kinnie"
"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"
"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"
"bird man my beloved"
"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"
"Birds!!"
"guiguhuh"
"crabrave"
"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"
"yess name collector gang"
"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"
"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"
"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"
"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"
"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"
"My dad has seven legal names"
"bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"
"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"
"mmmmmm magic man :]"
"°0° green man"
"criminal (affectionate)"
"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"
"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"
"i would commit so many crimes for him"
"Very babey"
"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"
"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"
"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)
"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"
"* or extremly chaotic either works"
"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"
"oH--"
"bc my brain has a schedule"
"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"
"hehe yes spooky man"
"my ghost glucose guardian"
"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"
"ghosts r just inherently sexy"
"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"
"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"
"ł â m p"
"łæmp"
"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"
"I'd date a ghost"
"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"
"p e e p e e"
""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"
"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"
"you're all 12 year olds"
"PEENIE"
"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"
"god, what a himbo. i love him"
"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"
"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"
"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"
"im kin assigning him roman sanders"
""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""
"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"
"twink appreciation club"
"give us the twinks"
"my first thought was bottom-"
"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"
"daddy issued"
"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"
"Big boy but"
"anyways janus is swagggg"
"........................."
"gib twink"
"give twink then i will share"
"holds him gentle like hamburger"
"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"
"he is. fragile creachur"
"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"
"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"
"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"
"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"
"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"
"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"
"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."
"note i am a lesbian"
"You may like Schezo wegey"
"why does he have one single expression"
"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"
"magic wand"
"I Want To Hold His Hand"
"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"
"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""
"p e a n u t"
"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"
"grug from the croods is peak male performance"
"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."
"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"
"i like essays"
"central time gang"
"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)
"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"
"points were made"
"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"
"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"
"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"
"i think it sounds great
i'm going to start eating like that"
"several people are typing"
"do these look edible to you"
"forbidden gummies"
"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"
"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"
"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"
"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"
"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"
"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"
"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."
"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."
"NIIICE"
"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"
"watch your fucking language in front of the president"
"im so sorry lumi"
"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"
"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"
"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"
""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""
"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"
"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."
"me on discord: nick wilde"
"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."
"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"
"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"
"what the fuck"
"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"
"If you adopt me then yes"
"am I qualified for dad jokes???"
"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"
"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""
"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"
"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"
"cat pet"
"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"
"maybe thats me being a coward tho"
"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"
if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content
#tw drugs#tw swearing#tw cannibalism#tw crime#tw food#tw homophobia#shitpost#out of context#out of context quotes#lumi's quotes
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Let’s get emotional…
I know no one will read this but i’m still putting it out there!
today is my account anniversary!! 🥳🥳
I created this blog on the 14.12.2019, and a year later, nothing really changed. It’s just me, still sitting at my desk, my whole back hurting with cold hands and my pathetically low self-esteem.
It was one boring evening, I remember, I had just eaten dinner and I rushed to my computer to come back on Tumblr to read more ATEEZ content because I was fascinated by them, their talent and stage presence. (I still am, don’t worry) And then, I thought damn, I wanna write for them as well. You know what?
Fuck it. Imma do it.
I put the task of finding a username aside and start feeling inspiration flooding in my mind. I spend the entire evening writing as the words come, not caring about the coherence, the grammar nor the consistency of my writing, I just type and type until my fingers are cramping and my brain lagging. It’s just an amazing feeling when you don’t have to rack your brains to find ideas or words, I just had to think of an ATEEZ member, and the imagination would immediately submerge my mind.
I truly aspire to find back the motivation I had a year ago.
The next morning, I even skip breakfast because I wanted to create, brainstorm, rewrite and correct the works I had produced the night before. I completely ditch my uni homework - don’t do that kids - until the end of the afternoon, where I post a note, introducing myself to the atiny Tumblr community. I was very anxious and shy before posting my first imagine, but I was immediately welcomed with likes, 20 on the first day to be exact. It was HUGE for me.
I’m someone extremely self-conscious and very hard on myself, so it was kind of a struggle to post content out on the Internet for strangers to read. I’ve always feared judgement, I’ve bathed in it since the day I was born and I can’t seem to get rid of it. 20+ fics are still rotting in my drafts, I’m just too insecure to release them, so I ignore them and always search for new content to write about. I’m also scared to disappoint, but that’s another story. Aside from that, I’m really grateful because I’ve never received this much love and support in my life since I started this account. Whether is keyboard smashing in the reblog section or just someone saying “uwu that was so cute 🥺”, my day is automatically better. I have never received support or compliments from my parents, siblings or friends that I thought were the closest. Never. And it’s a weird yet great feeling!!
The first two months were amazing. By the beginning of February, I had hit the 200-followers milestone. It was something unbelievable for me. You may think that I’m exaggerating, but I was really thinking that I would only get like maximum 50 followers, and I would have still been happy about it. My account was doing great, but at this point, it was my health that started going downhill.
The pandemic and the stress from it aggravated everything, weakening my heart to the point of needing urgent surgeries (2, almost 3 in October, where there was a risk for me to d*e. Great when you’re a young woman who only spent her twenty first years of existence studying and worrying about her future :/).
I get stressed out extremely easily and my doctor diagnosed me with severe anxiety and depression a few years ago. And guess what? They were acting up of course, so nothing was by my side. I was lost about my future and my career – I still am haha (pain) – and it was a hard time for me, for us. I’m still not at my best, but at least I’m trying, that’s what matters the most, right?
This blog and the people I met there were my source of comfort and light, my safe place, it helps me a lot to just read or laugh at what I see in my dash to make me forget about everything that is bothering me. I met wonderful, supportive people on there and I can’t find the right words to truly express how I am feeling.
And here I am right now, a year later, Tumblr being my solace because I can read really really good fics and wips, as well as exchanging with other atinys and people from other fandoms.
I still have those moments of doubt when I’m about to post something like, will this be appreciated? Isn’t it too cliche, too bad, too fluffy, grammatically correct, cool enough, aesthetic enough, cute enough, did someone already write something along those lines without me knowing it? Will I get accused of stealing or plagiarising?
I can’t stop overthinking, but I’m trying to work on it, I really am, even if it’s hard. It’s really not something easy and I get defeated quite quickly, but at least I’m trying.
Even if I lost loved ones during this year (friends that ghosted me for other people, my grandpa passing away from cancer, watching and knowing acquaintances dying bc of covid…) I’ve got to know beautiful angels on here, my mutuals and my followers!!
Even if we don’t talk 24/7, I really love and appreciate every single one of you. I know we’re just internet friends, but you really count for me. Please excuse me if you’re tired of seeing me being constantly apologising or being weird and absolutely not funny, I’m trying to become a better person. I absolutely adore when you mention me in tag games or send me love and support via asks or private messages, it makes my heart go really warm. If it were possible, I’d give each single one of you a hug and a big kiss on the cheek because you all deserve it and I love you.
Thank you @atbzkingdom, @closer-stars, @barsformars, @trashlord-007, @ateez-little-star, @tinkerbellwoo, @chrryhwa, @ateezlips, and everyone that I missed that follow me and support me, I luv you all sm :-]
Sorry if this post doesn’t make sense, I just wanted to try and express my gratitude as well as my love for everything you gave me.
I hope 2021 will be better, kinder for all of us, and I wish everyone reading this to be(come) happy and healthy.
with all my love,
rosy ♥
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rules: tag people you want to get to know better!!!
tagged by: @transseven (kinda im just bored and wanna do it)
your name and what you would’ve named yourself: finn...and i named myself that:))) i considered kalen and max also but finn felt right. might fuck around n change it again tbh
astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): virgo sun/libra moon/aries rising
when did you join tumblr and why: 2012 maybe?? i was a ~hipster aesthetic blog~ until i became the mess i am today
top 5 fandoms: i dont consider myself really IN any fandoms but,,,mortal kombat, overwatch, polygon, animal crossing, and unus annus are things im really into rn!!
top 5 films: i really dont watch movies much um....jawbreaker, my neighbor totoro, howl's moving castle, spirited away, clueless, pretty much anything ghibli or disgustingly 90's
go-to song when you want to feel something: i have a playlist that is all megan thee stallion for when im extra mentally ill and need to feel like a bad bitch again
what’s your religion or faith if you have one: i don't feel strongly about any really?? i used to relate to wicca when i was younger until i realized a lot of it is stolen closed practices and cultural appropriation and it just didnt feel...right i guess?? im actually a very spiritual person in private though u might not guess it from the everything about me!! im just still not sure if there is a religion i would feel totally comfortable in, although buddhism has always intrigued me!!
a song that makes you feel seen: dog teeth by nicole dollanganger ... teen idle by marina ... vienna by billy joel ...
if you could have any career: i'd love to perform, idk what but i just wanna create for people!!! even as a youtuber, a streamer, or more original performing like in a band or doing drag i just..love to be seen and make people happy:)))
do you have a type: um not really??? hot alt queers to the front of course, and i prefer someone else to be able to take the lead in most things, but that rarely factors into my attraction. if u cute u cute and i will kiss u
what does my heart/soul yearn for: to feel cared for:))) to be a first choice:))) independence:)))
if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone: blunt, compassionate, easygoing, impulsive, ditzy
favorite subjects in school: music, english, and forensics
where does your soul feel the most at home: anywhere there is fresh air and some peace and quiet
top 5 fictional characters: mileena, yuri, dva, kuromi, howl
top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: FUCK um. many moments in the promised neverland i cant even pick one so just the show as a whole....the abortion scene in sex education......and also all of your lie in april just so much of it
earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the stars
favorite kind of weather: that time in either fall or spring when its perfect sweater weather, the sun is shining but the breeze is cool enough that u don't sweat at all, and it stays that way until the sun goes down:') and everything smells so nice....it's different for spring and fall but they both smell lovely
top 3 kins: mileena, yuri, and kuromi
favorite medium of art: to do? graphite or digital bc im bad and must erase a lot! to enjoy? all of it literally all art makes my heart go whoosh
introvert/extrovert/ambivert: ambivert
favorite literary quote: i had to search so hard for this bc i couldnt remember it all but my fave book in my early teens was across the universe by beth revis and i always really liked this quote idk why: " I stare at the stars... And even though there are so many and they look so close together, I know they are light years apart. The glitter in the sky looks as if I could scoop it all up in my hands and let the stars swirl and touch one another, but they are so distant, so very far apart, that they cannot feel the warmth of each other, even though they are made of burning. This is the secret of the stars, I tell myself. In the end, we are alone. No matter how close you seem, no one else can touch you."
some of your favorite books: i dont read as much as i used to so most of the books i loved are young adult books but: the crank series by ellen hopkins, the painter from shanghai by jennifer cody epstein, every day by david levithan, i am the messenger by marcus zusak
if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: i want to travel as much as possible, but i think i'll always wanna come home to canada. maybe not where i live now, but canada just feels the most like home and id love to live somewhere beautiful here
if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: i mean i guess my gay ass is in the most ideal timeline right now, but bigotry and such out of the picture i would have fucked w the 70s so hard....big hair big shoes and just not giving a fuck??? gimme
if you could play any instrument masterfully what would it be?: guitar or piano are obvious choices but tbh id be an iconic saxophone player
if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you have a connection to?: artemis and apollo were the first deities i was drawn to when i started my craft and figuring out religion and such, but recently i have been very drawn to persephone and dionysus??
lastly, favorite recent selfie from your camera roll: (i never take selfies this is the most up to date pic i have and its bad but oh well)
i'm not gonna tag anyone bc i dont have friends but pls do it if u wanna!! i wanna know yall better!!!
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a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately
soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!
also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.
so
yeah
on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
NOW
ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks
we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone)
having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise) my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better
i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.
josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy
trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)
ummm.....
OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough.
so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol)
lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.
i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so.
but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.
SO
THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT
i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie)
oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.
i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3
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SECRETS (part I/II)
Summary: Detectives James Barnes and Y/n Y/l/n never really got along, despite being partners for seven months. You could say they hated each other, however, when James' past shows up threatening to break him all over again, the truth about their feelings comes to the surface.
Pairing: cop!Bucky Barnes x cop!Reader
Genre: angsty (fluff in the end) (modern au)
Tags:
Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @sinviix @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack
Warnings: hints of a toxic relationship, drinking, smoking, bad described make out session and implied sex.
A/N: I couldn't finish writing the latest request I was writing bc tumblr is a bitch, so I'm dropping the first part of a 2-part fic here. I hope you enjoy my first au (I'm practicing for a Brooklyn nine nine fic) <3
Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist
"C'mon Y/n" Samantha called me from the entrance of the bar we were going to get into. She came closer, placing a hand on my bicep. "You're still thinking about it?"
I stayed silent, my eyebrows knitted, and my eyes fixed on the pavement. "yeah" I replied absently, having another puff of the cigarette held in my hand.
"do you really think you're right?"
"I don't know, Sam" I confessed, tossing the cigarette and stepping on it. "I think I don't wanna be right about this." with that, I turned around to join our friends.
The music playing in the bar almost made me forget what I had been thinking for two days.
Almost.
Two Days Ago
"BARNES!" I yelled from across the precinct's floor where we both worked. "WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?"
"charmin' as always, Y/l/n" he replied in that condescending voice of his, staring at board covered in pictures and notes.
"you dismissed my suspect." I stated, finally reaching the place where he was standing.
"it's our suspect, not yours" he corrected me crossing his arms over his chest "and we'd reached a deadlock"
"I told you to fucking wait, dammit!" I spat, hitting the desk in an attempt to draw his attention.
He jumped, spinning around so he was now face to face with me. For an instant, I saw panic in his gaze, quickly replaced by anger.
"I told you to follow Vargas, and did you, smartass?" I huffed. "see? We're fuckin' even"
I glared at him slack-jawed. "You're unbelievable." grabbing three manila folders from his desk, I made my way to mine. "and for the record, Vargas didn't show up, you fucker!" since my back was to him, I missed his eyes fixed on my form with something way different from anger, frustration or hate.
BUCKY'S P. O. V.
I stood still, staring at Y/n leaning over her desk to examine the manila folders with my jaw clenched, reminding myself that I hated her.
I needed to remind myself that I hated her every single day, because if I didn't, I knew shit would go south.
Unexpectedly, she looked up from the reports and her eyes dug into mines. I only mimicked her position, leaning over my desk, holding her stare.
Surprisingly, it was me who first averted my eyes, my ring tone catching my attention. When I looked at the screen, I saw an unknown number. "Hello?" I asked hesitant.
"Morning honey" my body went stiff at the voice, my jaw clenching while I tried to stay composed. "I made you some coffee, can you tell them to buzz me in?" I stayed silent "oh don't worry, I'm in"
I hung up and tossed the phone over my desk before stalking to the entrance of precinct just in time to see her appearing.
READER'S P. O. V.
I followed Barnes with my gaze, worried that something bad might have happened. However, in the entrance I only saw a redhead with a smile on her face.
"What are you doing here?" Barnes hissed from a considerable distance.
"I told you, silly" she let out a giggle "I brought you some coffee." When she tried to step closer to Bucky, I saw his trembling hand ghost over the holster he was carrying. "are you gonna shoot me, baby?"
Something in her voice made chills run down my spine, but I knew stepping in wasn't a good solution, so I stayed leaned over my desk.
"you can't be here" she stared at him with defiance before smashing her bag over the nearest table, making Barnes jump.
"hey" before I realized, I was walking to them. "Miss, who are you?" flash of madness crossing her eyes scared the shit out of me, but I didn't back off. Instead, I stepped between the two of them. "who are you?" I repeated.
"I'm James' wife" her reply shocked me enough to turn around and give Barnes a very confused look. "who's this woman? are you cheating on me, baby?"
I felt Barnes hand sneaking in the gap between my arm and my waist to grab my forearm "I fuckin' work here" I replied, completely ignoring the tug in my arm.
"then go work" she hissed "and let me catch up with my husband" when I didn't move, and irritated look made its way to her face. "I told you to leave, bitch."
Before I could reply, Bucky’s grip on my arm tightened and he managed to bring me closer to him, crashing my back against his chest.
"you can't be here, Dot" he repeated, managing to hide his shakiness from her. "leave. Now" The same shakiness that wasn't able to hide from me.
Due to the lack of space between him and me, I could feel how his chest went up and down rapidly and unevenly.
"But listen baby, I'm sorry" she whispered, suddenly switching to 'angel' mode. "I'm really sorry, please let's talk this out, okay?" She took a hesitant step towards us and I subconsciously pushed Barnes back in a very subtle way. "c'mon, let's go and have breakfast, and we'll talk. Please, honey."
"What is she doing here? Who let you in?" Rogers appeared in my peripheral vision, walking fast towards us. "leave. Leave right fuckin' now"
"great" that Dot girl muttered, taking a exasperated sigh. "Steve, this is between James and me, so don't you take this bitch with you for me to-"
Steve made his way to the redhead and, grabbing her arm, he guided her out of the precinct.
I spun to face Barnes, who was quickly putting himself together. "what the hell was that about?"
"you always have to meddle in everyone's business" he spat, letting go of my arm "don't you?" I stayed silent while he went to his desk to grab his things. "Tell Captain Fury I wasn't feeling well." and with that, he left.
The following day he didn't even show up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This place's amazing!" Lexa, another one of my friends, exclaimed excited. "let's look for a free table"
The six of us wandered around for a while until we found a free table. "what do y'all wanna drink?" Joe asked, getting up.
Joe came a few minutes after with everyone's drinks and we chatted for a while. Again, I was almost able to forget about it, but then I saw him sitting on a stool, leaning over the bar top with his back turned to us.
"guys, I've something to do." I stated, grabbing my drink and getting up. "be right back." said that, I made my way to the stool besides his. "you didn't show up yesterday, nor today."
He frowned before moving his head to glance at me. "fuckin' hell..." he groaned, shifting to look at the wall full of bottles across us. "outta every fuckin' bars, you hadda come here?"
"gosh" I scoffed, taking a sip of my drink before mimicking his posture. "it's not like I'm looking for you, Barnes, so get your head out of your ass."
He huffed, letting out a humorless, dry laugh. "it's always a fuckin' pleasure to talk to you." I rolled my eyes and he looked over his shoulder. "come back with your friends, 'cause we've nothin' to talk 'bout"
I ran my fingers through my hair and, taking a deep breath, I glanced at him. "that girl, Dot" he went stiff and my heart sped up because, damn, I didn't want to be right, but it seemed like I actually was.
"what 'bout her?"
"is she really your wife?" I asked, tiptoeing around the topic. "we've been working together for seven months already, and you never mentioned her."
"she's mah wife. Kinda" he confirmed me, drinking all the alcohol in his glass. "anythin' else?"
"what happened between the two of you?" He let out a weird laugh, letting his forehead rest against the wooden surface. "You're drunk"
"not enough for this conversation" he groaned with a smirk on his face. The corners of my mouth twitched up at the view and something in his eyes seemed the lit up. "If you wanna stay" he took another look at my friends before turning back at me. "maybe at the end of the night I'll be drunk enough to talk 'bout it"
I pursed my lips in a tight line, staring into his eyes to see if he meant it, because I really really needed to know what happened between them.
After a couple of seconds, I turned to the barman "hey sweetheart" I called him "keep the shots coming here, will you?"
Barnes let out a chuckle, but this time it wasn't weird, and it wasn't dry. This time it was genuinely amused. "eager, are we?"
"you could say so, yeah" I replied, giving him the ghost of a smirk while the barman put the drinks in front of us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Okay okay okay, but-" he started to laugh again and I nudged him "Nononono, listen-" a couple of giggles escaped my lips before I could keep going. "it's true!"
"it ain't true, darlin'." he said between giggles. "Romanoff 'n Stevie- that's insane"
"I'm tellin' you, Barnes" I replied, taking a swig of my beer. "one- don't laugh at me! One day we'll find 'em fuckin' in the office."
"You're crazy" he stated, finishing his beer.
"whatever" I looked at the clock. It was past 4 am already. "Barnes" I whined turned to him. "Tell me what happened between you and Dot, pretty please" I pouted at him, leaning over the bar top and getting a bit closer to him.
He groaned, leaving the beer aside to look at me. "ya really know how to spoil the mood"
"we're drunk as fuck already" I propped myself over my forearms, getting even closer to him. "c'mon Barnes."
With an exasperated sigh, he moved to tower me. "I swear, Y/n, you get me on my fuckin' nerves."
"I know, and I love to do it" his jaw clenched and his eyes traveled to my lips for a second. "you get me on my nerves too, y'know? But I don't care" he gave me a confused look "it's kinda... Our thing, so I don't mind it"
"You're sweet when you're drunk" he stated, half smiling at me. "wish you were this sweet all the time."
"nah" I retreated to my initial position with a teasing smirk on my face. "you love my rude ass side."
He stayed silent, which made me turn to him to check he was okay. "I do." he mumbled "I love your sweet side too." after taking another peak to my lips, he leaned on me and, without thinking twice, I closed the gap between us.
Our lips crashed and, while his right hand went to my cheek, his left traveled to my thigh. Letting out a muffled moan, I let my hands roam over his upper body. "let's get outta here" he mumbled against my jaw.
"yeah, let's get the hell outta here." I pulled away to clumsily grab my purse and pay the drinks, though t was a difficult task to accomplish with Barnes lips attacking my neck.
"you sure 'bout this?" he whispered, pulling me away from the bar top as soon as I had paid. " 'cause you're gonna regret this in the mornin'."
"I'm a grown ass woman" I replied, exiting the bar and pulling him into another sloppy kiss. "my place's near."
Within minutes, we were bursting into my house, tossing or clothes all over the place in our bumpy way to my room. "I'll tell you everythin' tomorrow" he mumbled, taking off his shirt. "I promise"
"Okay" I managed to say, unzipping my pants and letting him take them off. "I'll take your word for it"
He took off his remaining clothes and I did the same "Good" he groaned more than said, picking me up.
"Good" I echoed, letting him carry me to my bed.
Fuck, we were really going to regret this, but I couldn't care less.
#marvel imagine#marvel miniseries#marvel one shot#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes masterlist#bucky barnes x you#bucky x you#bucky barnes imagine#bucky x reader#bucky barnes smut#40's bucky barnes#winter soldier x reader#bucky imagine#james barnes x reader#james barnes x you#bucky barnes series#bucky barnes#sebastian stan masterlist#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes fic#reader insert#bucky barnes x y/n#james bucky barnes#bucky masterlist#white wolf x reader#sebastian stan imagine#bucky barnes smut masterlist#bucky barnes fanfiction#marvel fanfiction#bucky barnes modern au
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Emma I'm sad bc I feel that the joke you made in the tags of that post with harry and the cheese hat was deeply unappreciated due to the tumblr fuck up and I just wanna say I see you. And the tea is that your joke was cheesier than Harry was lol ily
Hahaha well I’m glad you can see my cheesy joke in all its glory now, at least. I was seriously so happy to see my blog fixed today - it almost seemed too gouda to be true (😉) Thanks, bub. ❤️🧀
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whats good, @worldfathered / @telekidd / @blvescreen / @sbyirw ? you ugly piece of shit.
you don’t know me, but i sure as hell know you. i’m making this post because you’ve repeatedly been transphobic and either react w/aggression or flat out ignore us when we come to you. not to mention your whole fiasco w the eatin disorders thing that’ll be covered under the cut. :)
first of all, you got a trans verse. what the fuck is up with that?
+ proof that your trans tag exists:
you know, surprisingly enough, my life as a trans man isnt glamorous or much different from a cis person’s. i live, i laugh, i act like a mess sometimes, i feel emotions, i try new things. only difference? i don’t agree w/what i was assigned w/ at birth and im struggling w it. do you know how difficult it is for the trans community when ppl like you do shit like this? do you know how many fucking times ive had ppl come to me TELLING ME im followin a damn trend bc of bull shit like this? make your character trans or dont. don’t make a whole verse for it. it’s not that hard to do. and why are you changing your whole fc? do you really need a whole new fuckin faceclaim for a trans character? lol trans verses are transphobic. the fact that you felt the need to make a whole separate verse for your muse to be trans makes my head fuckin hurt. here’s a post that nicely sums up WHY these sorts of verses are transphobic.
and if this was all you got from people contacting you about this issue, you really havent been listenin to us and tryna cooperate and work things out as calmly as we have been. but hey, we’re just bein big and evil, huh? my bad.
btw, if you’re genderfluid, you’re trans! you makin a separate verse for your muse to be trans even though your muse is CANONICALLY GENDERFUILD is transphobic, regardless of if you’re trans or not. you’re saying non binary people aren’t trans and are excluding them. and i got sent in a screencap of someone discussing this and it words exactly what im trying to say perfectly:
in case you delete anythin, we got this handy dandy link: https://web.archive.org/web/20180304230604/http://bittenkid.co.vu/post/165345023694/you-have-a-trans-verse
and someone DID come to you today, and i’ll give you points, you were civil about it.
but honestly, you even respondin, much less in a civil way is surprising as fuck to me, seeing as when people approach you and you give no response:
but
when you do respond when people approach you, react like this. real mature, huh? “special snow flake triggered ass” are you fuckin serious? is this how you react to people approaching you in a calm manner? speaking out over those you upset and callin them “special snowflakes?” if you honestly respond to conflict and concern like this, i really do pray for you and how you fair in real life situations.
and again.
calling trans people and others special snowflakes. for being upset with you and trying to speak with you about it.
and again. with the aggression. you surely see a reoccurring theme here, don’t you? i sure do.
and this as well. “hating this website” for people coming to you and tryna tell you what you did was wrong is just so mean, right?
and again with “triggered”, aka, people trying to discuss things with you and you actin completely unreasonable and painting us as the bad guys for bein genuinely hurt and trying to seek reconciliation. even with a video attached!
http://bittenkid.co.vu/post/165349873779/welcome-to-tumblr-dot-com-where-you-cant-have-nice
if you delete that post, i got it uploaded real nice here as well! https://www.dropbox.com/s/pd47gs3l1s4s7ct/video.mov?dl=0
we had someone message you politely askin for an apology for usin these terms and reactin how you have and you know what you did? blocked em.
so tell me, why is it that when we come to you politely, wantin to talk things out like adults in IMs, you always respond w/ calling us special snowflakes, triggered jokes (making fun of and slandering people w/ trauma, may i add! as someone with diagnosed trauma, im not down with the triggered jokes), postin about us, blocking us, and being aggressive? doesn’t seem very reasonable, does it? and yet we’re the ones bein unreasonable for being genuinely upset? bummer.
and another thing is that you’ve been pretty fishy with eating disorders and mental health as well. wanna explain that?
n then youve obviously been postin concernin enough stuff to get someone to contact you abt it, and you react like this?
you continually reply with aggression.
listen sans, im a forgivin dude. i believe in redemption. i believe people can be a better person if they wanna be. so all im literally askin is for you to listen to us. cooperate with us. stop calling us names and acting aggressive when we try approaching you about this. don’t continually try and shut us down we we try and try and try to talk with you about this.
for the record, we arent harassing you. we’ve been coming to you as calmly and as civil as we possibly can. but you responding with aggression and calling us special snowflakes or not even respondin at all is why we’re done puttin up w/you. we’re done bein treated as doormats n bein walked over like one by you lol. you wanna know why we havent contact you when it happens? because you respond like this. just open your heart and listen to what people gotta say, man.
i really am praying for you and i hope that one day you change your heart enough to open up.
#call out /#callout /#namedrop /#name drop /#transphobia /#albeism /#slurs /#ask to tag#ricky vc: o-oh..... ouuuuaaagghhh...!!!!!
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tagged by: @revolutions aka my fav cousin
rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better (or just want to tag bc I already know some of you pretty well)
I tag: @demonthrussy @ivyvine6 @skipfirerusty @senyuuwikia @panicatth3everywhere @nyyrikkigiehl @salt-prince-vince
a - age: 15 :-)
b - birthplace: florida
c - current time: 9:45 pm
d - drink you last had: water? guessing that doesn’t count so i took a shot of lemon juice earlier today that was cool
e - easiest person to talk to: @revolutions also known as jackie “what the fuckémon is that?”
f - favourite song: “i have never loved someone” by my brightest diamond. absolutely the sweetest, most lovely song i have ever heard. please listen to it.
g - grossest memory: once at night i was like the only person awake and i went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. i looked at the cabinet w my toothbrush in it and a cockroach was crawling around right next to it. i was Very Grossed Out
h - horror yes or horror no: i’ve literally only watched IT (2017) but it seems rad so yea
i - in love?: yessss with the sweetest loveliest boy, he doesn’t have a tumblr but his name is josh and he is so wonderful
j - jealous of people?: not as much as i used to be :-D
l - love at first sight or should i walk by again: idk, used to be a concrete no but i saw the boy i’m currently dating for the first time and immediately felt a little spark so who knows?
m - middle name: sofia, want to add “celia” legally when i’m older because that’s my grandmother’s name and she had a long line of celias but then she had two sons :-(
n - number of siblings: one his name is carlos and i love him so much he’s the best
o - one wish: to help the world become a safer, more loving place for everyone in it
p - person you called last: currently in a call with my cousin @revolutions the absolute rascal
q - question you are always asked: “where did you get your hair from?” (spoiler alert; my genes)
r - reason to smile: my splendid boyfriend and how easily flustered he is, my fantastic family and especially my cousin, my wonderful friends, how pretty the summer weather is, im gonna see deh and bmc...!!! a lot!!!
s - song you sang last: “i could have danced all night” from my fair lady!
t - time you woke up: like 10:40!!!
u - underwear colour: red with white at the top and a lil black bow :-)
v - vacation destination: i wanna visit japan SO BADLY! i also wanna go back to california and colorado!
w - worst habit: according to my friends, i’m easily attatched
x - rays: lungs bc asthma, thumb because i fucked that bitch when i was a lil girl, i think that’s it but maybe my chin cos i fractured it twice when i was small
y - your favourite food: fuckkkkkkkk. i really like chicken fingers and pasta in general
z - zodiac sign: aquarius i forgot everything else oops
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85 questions,, uh,, tag? 💟
rules: answer all 85 questions then tag 20 people!
tagged by: @injunnietheintellect 💘
♡ Last…? ♡
1. Drink - cappuccino
2. Phone call - my grandma
3. Text message - my cousin
4. Song you listened to - moonlight by ariana
5. Time you cried - like,, 10 hours ago lolz
♡ Ever…? ♡
6. Dated someone twice - i’ve never dated anyone bc im uglY LMAO
7. Kissed someone and regretted it - haven’t kissed anyone either
8. Been cheated on - nope
9. Lost someone special - yep
10. Been depressed - yEP
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - nope
12. Fave colors - yellow, blue and pale,, brown like nude yeet
♡ In the last year have you… ♡
15. Made new friends - yes and i love them
16. Fallen out of love - no
17. Laughed until you cried - yess
18. Found out someone was talking about you - oof yes
19. Met someone who changed you - yep
20. Found out who your friends are - YES
21. Kissed someone on your FB friend list - nope
♡ General ♡
22. How many FB friends do you have irl - i only accepts people i know and i don’t add ppl (bc what of they don’t want to be friends with me sksks)
23. Do you have any pets? - uuugh i wish :(
24. Do you want to change your name - sometimes lol
25. What did you do for your last bday - uhh slept
26. What time did you wake up today - around 10:30?
27. What were you doing at midnight lastnight? - crying skJSHSHW
28. What is something you can’t wait for - day6’s new songs
30. What are you listening to right now - talk me down by troye
31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom - nope
32. Something that gets on your nerves - uhh,, when people ignore me??
33. Mosted visited sites - twitter, yt and tumblr
34. Hair color - black
35. Long or short hair - short
36. Do you have a crush on someone - depends if idols count?
37. What do you like about yourself - uuuh this is a hard question
38. Want any piercings? - YES
39. Blood type - idk man
40. Nicknames - lili and gigi and a lot more lmao
41. Relationship status - single as fuck
42. Zodiac - libra
43. Pronouns - she/her
44. Fav tv shows - stranger things, teen wolf :(, haikyuu
45. Tattoos - none but i want get one or two someday
46. Right or left handed - right handed
47. Ever had surgery - no
48. Piercings - none
49. Sport - i wish i play sports
50. Vacations - japan or korean or hawaii or england
51. Trainers - nike?
♡ More general ♡
52. Eating - none
53. Drinking - cappuccino
54. I’m about to watch - kpop vines lol
55. Waiting for….. - ..........
56. Want…. - money bsheskka
57. Get married - hopefully
58. Career - uhh i really wanna take psychology but uh,, idk
♡ Which is better ♡
59. Hugs or kisses - hugs
60. Lips or eyes - both
61. Short or taller - i wish i’m taller
62. Older or younger - older
63. Nice arms or stomach - nice stomach
64. Hookup or relationship - relationship
65. Troublemaker or hesitant - uhhh both
♡ Have you ever ♡
66. Kissed a stranger - nO
67. Drank hard liquor - just a few shots lol
68. Lost glasses - yes
69. Turned someone down - no?? i think??
70. Sex on first date - no
71. Broken someone’s heart - hopefully not
72. Had your heart broken - yes
73. Been arrested - nope
74. Cried when someone died - of course
75. Fallen for a friend - uhh,, yes? i mean we weren’t exactly friends just you know,, like acquaintances
♡ Do you believe in…? ♡
76. Yourself? - ,,,,,sometimes
77. Miracles - not really
78. Love at first sight - no
79. Santa claus - nope
80. Kiss on first date? - maybe idk
81. Angels - sure
♡ Other ♡
82. Best friend’s name - uh,,, idk if we’re still best friends lol
83. Eye color - dark brown
84. Fave movie - the proposal, your name, our times, tangled and hotel transylvania
85. Fave actor - tom holland and nam joohyuk
tagging : @daehwibby @angel-donghyuck @ggukxie @xalichan (only if u want tho 🙈[also i wanna tag more ppl but i don’t wanna seem annoying so])
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tagged by the lovely @britneyshakespeare to answer these 10 questions & come up with 10 of my own. thank you !! 💗
psa i wrote way too much please don’t read this. just skip to the questions at the end if i tagged you
1. What are 3 songs that mean something to you, and what do they mean?
that’s hard because i don’t usually find personal meanings in songs. i’m a lot more interested in what the song means to the artist who wrote it. but let’s see if i can think of some
-um. after all by david bowie was always Highly Relatable. like. prattling on & on waxing philosophical only to suddenly realize everything i said is wrong and don’t hate me and also now i’m having an existential crisis and i shouldn’t have started talking in the first place? M e
-when i was first getting into rush i was a big fan of Self Isolating To Cope and also i had no friends and was proud of it (bc if i couldn’t find a way to take pride in my [perceivedly] unchangeable flaws my entire self image would come crashing to the ground and that just wasn’t a good time . anyway). so the lines “nothing can survive in a vacuum / no one can exist all alone” from turn the page pissed me off. but now! now i have loads of friends and i feel legitimately cared about and i feel like i can comfortably reciprocate that and now when i hear that song i think you know what neil? you’re goddamn right.
-uh i s’pose i relate to another brick in the wall pt 3 which is not a good thing but. i dunno i really love being angrily in denial of needing any help whatsoever along to this song. it’s my flaw-pride anthem (don’t worry i don’t take it literally. it’s just fun in the moment)
-shit i know this said three but the one person who i relate to EVERY FUCKING SONG he’s ever put out is bill wurtz. never have i felt so understood than when i listen to bill wurtz’s music. god it’s the most uncanny feeling, i really really understand it a lot
ok i have to stop thinking of more . turns out a lot have meaning to me ive spent like an hour on this question alone Moving On
2. What’s your ideal self like?
. this was The Worst question to ask me because i can and will ramble on for hours given the opportunity
well i’d be able to execute my ideas, for one. instead of just having a half-baked - quarter-baked - fleeting concept with no real idea of how to achieve it. more specifically i want to be able to write songs. more more specifically i want to be able to write the music aspect of songs. i can’t do it. i dont fuckin know why i just can’t. but if i could i think i just might be content with life.
but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to improve. i wish i was funnier. i like my weird brand of humor/abstractity online but that’s hard to replicate in real life. i wish i was better at thinking on the spot. i wish my memory didn’t only retain stuff when it feels like it. i wish i was better at putting my thoughts into words, more concisely and accurately and effectively.
um i wish i didnt have executive function issues. like i wanna just do stuff and not have it take all the energy out of me. wish i had the energy to do it to begin with. wish i could keep up with socializing and not ignore people for hours/days because i can’t get myself to maintain conversation.
ok clearly this is leading down an endless tunnel of what i’d change so . i’ll just say my ideal self is a successful musician with a good social life but also an element of mystery and intrigue. my ideal self is just david bowie
3. Who, of all your family members (immediate or extended), do you think has had the most influence on you, for better or for worse?
my mom for a lot (a looooooot) of reasons but if i go into it this is gonna push it over the line from a tag game into a therapy session (if i havent crossed that line already)
4. What’s your main outlet of expression?
writing. journalling. fuckin , social media. actually yeah that more than anything. my Self is on display here if you look at my tumblr(s) my twitter(s) and my instagram(s) you’ve got a pretty goddamn decent picture of who i am
5. What was the first album you ever bought for yourself?
uh i mean i listen to most stuff off of youtube if i don’t already have it so like,,? i dunno. does itunes count? the first vinyl i ever got was wish you were here (for forty fuckin bucks god) but i paid with my aunt’s money so does that even count. i don’t know.
6. Do you like to go shopping?
depends on a lot of things. lately i’ve been in the mood to just get out of the damn house whenever possible (love being a high school dropout !) so the answer is pretty much yes anytime. but it really depends.
7. Kind of cliche but, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would you pick?
i wanna be the fourth person at the dinner with rush table. just to observe. i’d be terrified to actually have a conversation with any of my idols. okay but if i had to get over that fear i guess i’d pick..... bowie? todd? i don’t know this is hard. alex lifeson circa 197something so he can take me back to his place afterwards you pickin up what im puttin down
8. What TV show do you watch when you’re feeling stressed or low and you need a quick feel-better fix?
i don’t watch tv like ever not even in this case but i guess full house
9. What was the last intriguing conversation you had about?
everything my girlfriend said to me today (edit: yesterday but i did this last night) was great everything my girlfriend’s ever said to me was great
oh that didn’t answer the question at all i just realized. uh they were telling me about the star wars prequels (which i have not seen) and earlier we were having a very analytical conversation about a particularly interesting rush photo
also me & @swanky-trash were discussing our plans to take down trump and all the rest of those bastards while wearing jareth from labyrinth costumes and eating mushrooms. because it’s our destiny as clones separated at birth. yknow just life stuff
10. What’s something about yourself that you don’t think comes across as painfully obvious online, but is, in fact, in person?
shit are we at the end already? damn. i was enjoying this (can you tell).
okay here’s another one i could go on for 12 years about. but uh. i probably come across as way more perky irl? like my voice is all high pitched and i talk really fast and smile and laugh at everything and i have a whatever the opposite of monotone is voice. i don’t like that. i try to combat it online with the all-lowercase typing and shortening of words and omission of punctuation and that sort of thing. i think it’s worked. also i may be terrible at typing but i am WAY worse at speaking. i’m scatterbrained as hell and if i seem at all interesting or witty online that all goes to shit irl. also i can’t fucking talk to people who i only know in person? it just doesn’t work. thank god i have you guys
haaaa okay sorry for the rambling here are the questions
1. what’s the best day/one of the best days you’ve ever had?
2. how important is your social media presence to you?
3. what achievement are you proudest of?
4. describe your sense of humor.
5. is there anything you’re good at or like to do that people who don’t know you well probably wouldn’t expect?
6. what’s your most interesting family story?
7. favorite color palette?
8. what’s something that would be very “out of character” for you to do?
9. yknow that thing on twitter that’s like “pick 1 & rt for good luck” and the options are good grades, meet your idol, money, or crush texts you? which one would/did you pick and why?
10. what’s a song you either wish you’d written or feel like you could’ve written?
i tag @thetemplesofrush @thumbnailoak3 @swanky-trash @lavender-layne @realalexlifeson @davies-jones @goallines-and-musicrhymes @fruitthemed @graveyarding @cosmikdebris99 and anyone else who wants to do it and dont feel pressured to do it etc etc god i hope none of you actually read this whole thing i am so sorry
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this blog was created with a semi-serious point to it. it has become
“you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.”
i don’t know if it’s just our natural motormouth tendencies (someone once actually tagged it motormouth syndrome: the apparent compulsive need to babble continuously about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING but what’s really bothering us), the fact the system has been what amounts to being wrapped in mothballs for ages (over two years. it’s been over two years my god), having a limited but captive audience to view our shit (okay, we don’t fight across posts to the level we once fought across journal entries but people have been making their points here when they get utterly disgusted with whatever stupid thing one of us ‘brainless fronters’ have tried to do) or some weird manic hyperactive setting on our brain that has been lately running on ten to 15 different tracks all damn day long.
maybe it’s all of it. maybe it’s none of it. we’re not entirely sure we care. but it is rather amazing to us that at one point we were far more inclined to air all our shit to the general public and not care who saw it or what they thought about it...
[oh ffs the flower is fucking home today. gfdi!!]
...back in the good old days of Diary-X (moment of silence......) and didn’t seem to spend every waking moment wondering if someone was going to not just take exception to something we wrote but decide to attempt some kind of hostile takedown for it. (tumblr culture, man. where you live in fear of having an opinion bc ppl think they have the god given right to make you feel like shit for it.)
i have not even been awake for a full hour. my brain wakes up running. my mouth doesn’t always wake up ready to function so I sound a little like a brain dead drug addict for about an hour, but the brain... still going. like the damn energizer bunny.
it isn’t the lack of thoughts that sometimes has us go days without posting. it’s the combination of too many concurrent ones and a lack of ability to get them from brain to fingers and the lack of energy to make the attempt.
[i am not awake enough yet to deal with flower coming in my fucking room jfc go the fuck away!]
i assume at some point we will get back on track with the whole ‘look, this is our system!’ that we started initially. we kinda underestimated 2 things. how much mental adjustment it’s taking to readjust to being aware of the system again (it’s only been two and a half weeks, just two and a half weeks or so) and how much all the people wanna say a thing all at the same time.
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Dear Evan Hansen
So I posted this fic on wattpad and ppl liked it a lot (for some reason) so Im posting it here as well.
tagging people who wanted to be tagged in my other fic (that i still havent started) if you want to be added or removed feel free to message me.
@screamingoutinrage @scaredysanders @evilmuffin @galacticallynonbinary @mythicalquill @pattons-potato
sorry for any mistakes but im on phone and i have no idea what im doing.
Summary: typical soulmate Au where the first words that you hear from your soulmate is tattooed on you since birth etc..
The idea came from tumblr but i dont know who wrote it actually so i cant credit them sorrry
Warnings: death mention (dont worry its not mayor), DEAR EVAN HANSEN SPOILERS!
Pairings: I think poly i mean idk i never wrote poly/lamp before but i mean enjoy lol
Human! Au
It was on his arm for so long. And he still didn’t know what it meant.
I can’t believe Connor Murphy died.
Who is Connor Murphy? Why is he dead? Why is this the first sentence he will hear from his soulmate? Why?
Questions were building up in Virgil’s head. He spent the past 19 years of his life asking the same questions over and over again. He surely won’t find his soulmate after 19 long years. But his best, and only friend Patton still pushed him, still believed in him. He didn’t tell anyone, not even Patton what his tattoo said.
Patton didn’t find his soulmate either and he was 20. But he never gave up. He went outside as much as he could, in hopes that someone will pass by and say these five words:
This doesn’t make any sense.
He also had no idea what his tattoo meant, what made sense but he was hopeful.
And that is why they were sitting in Patton’s car to go the theathre. Virgil didn’t want to go, of course he didn’t he wasn’t the going outside type but Patton said he feels something is different. He couldn’t explain it but he said this night will change their life. And boy was he right.
“C'mon Verge it’s going to be fun! I promise.” Patton beamed with a comforting smile. He loved going outside. Virgil didn’t.
“Whatever. I still don’t like this idea. What are we even watching? I hope it’s something not that boring. But who am I kidding theathre is just boring..” Virgil said with a bored tone in his voice. He didn’t like theathre. It was dark, loud and they were sometimes singing. He didn’t like that kind of singing. He was more of the sad emo type.
“It’s called Dear Evan Hansen! If I remember right it’s about two boys who go to high school. One of them is Evan Hansen and the other is… What’s his name? Verge check that little prospectus please. I think it’s on the backseat.” Patton said not getting his eyes off of the road.
Virgil didn’t say anything just nodded and climbed to the backseat. It was not the easiest to find the little paper in the mess that was in Patton’s car but he succesfully pulled it out from between the two seats.
“I found it” He said as he sat back in the front seat.
“Check who’s the other boy in the play please. I can’t remember his name and you know I hate forggetting things.” Patton said. He didn’t hate a lot of things but his forgetfulness was one of them.
Virgil’s eyes scanned the paper for a few seconds when he spotted a name on the page.
His breath caught up and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“So what is it kiddo?” Patton asked. After a few minutes of silence he turned to look at Virgil who was just staring at the prospectus in front of him.
“Connor Murphy” Virgil whispered and let out a shaky breath.
“Is everything alright Verge? Do you want me to pull over?” Patton asked worriedly as he looked back at the road. He felt awful. He wanted to support his friend but he was in the middle of driving.
Virgil stayed silent for the rest of the ride. He only shook his head when Patton asked if he wants him to pull over for the second time.
“We are here Verge. Are you sure you don’t want to go home? You know it’s okay, I didn’t actually wanted to watch this that much, it doesn’t sound that interesting, so we can totally go home, it would be fine.” Patton rambled as an attempt to calm his friend down.
Virgil just shook his head and started to walk towards the theathre pulling Patton with him.
Virgil didn’t want to admit but he was actually kind of excited to see this musical. From what he knew it sounded interesting, but of course, it had to be ruined by some random person.
“Will you tell me why are you so silent?” Patton asked as he was walking next to Virgil. The boy let Patton go when he was sure that he is following him.
“No” Was all that Virgil said but it was enough for Patton to know not to push it. They will just enjoy this together and everything will be alright.
They sat down in their seats at the front and waited for other people to fill up the theathre. Beacuse of Patton if they ever went somewhere together they were always super early beacuse Patton didn’t want to miss anything.
The play didn’t start for another 15 minutes so Virgil decided to listen to music. As he reached in his pockets to grab his headphones he had to realize that they are in fact missing.
“Are you searching for your headphones? Sorry kiddo but maybe today is the big day you can’t miss it out just beacuse you were listening to music.” Patton said with an apologetic smile.
Roman’s Pov
“Logan we have to go! It’s Dear Evan Hansen!”
“I am aware Roman. But is it really that important? There’s no reason for me to go.” Logan asserted.
“Yes there is silly. You might find your soulmate! But most importantly I might find my own soulmate. My princess. I’m sure she is beautiful and we will be a perfect match.” Roman exagerrated.
“You shouldn’t assume Roman. You might be disappointed. What if it’s not even a girl? It can be a boy. Or a non-binary person. And what if you will be polar opposites. You set your bar too high, and that will cause disappointment.” The other boy stated.
“You don’t understand Lo. I can feel it. We will be perfect. I can feel it.” The dramatic one said.
“That makes no logical sense. And you can’t know for sure that you will meet them tonight. Also if you really want to see the play, we should go now or we will be late.” Logan pointed out.
“Oh gosh you are right we need to go right now. C'mon Logan you don’t wanna miss the play do you?” Roman said and hurried out the door.
Logan only sighed and went after the other boy. He was stuck with this drama queen till he finds his soulmate so he, secretly of course, also wants Roman to find his soulmate. And he would never admit it, not even to himself but deep down he too wanted to know who his “other half” is. It was stupid and illogical but he had to know.
The theathre wasn’t that far away, it was maybe a ten minute walk and with Roman’s fast walking they arrived in less than five minutes.
They went in and sat in the front row. Not that far away two boys sat around the same age. The only reason Logan noticed them is beacuse they looked like they are perfect opposites of each other. One of them wore a dark hoodie with purple paches and the other wore a blue t-shirt. The dark boy’s hair was in his face and his eyeshadow seemed to be under his eyes rather than on his eyelids. They looked odd but Logan didn’t think about them for too long.
Everyone fell silent as the play started.
Time skippity bc im lazyyy and also dont have any fucking time lol
The first act has finished and there was a 15 minute break. Almost everyone stood up to go to the bathrooms or to call someone etc..
They passed in front of the two boys when Logan heard it.
“I can’t believe it kiddo.” The sentence was followed with a sob which meant the person was crying.
Logan grabbed Roman’s arm and pulled the royal boy with him.
“Jesus nerd calm down you look like you just saw a ghost or something. What’s up with you? Why do you look so frightened?” Roman bombed the other boy with questions.
“I saw him. My soulmate. I saw him. I heard the sentence.” Logan breathed out.
“Why are you so weird? I thought you didn’t care. I mean I’m happy for you but you said you don’t care.”
“I thought that too.” Was all Logan said before they heard the theathre guy tell them that they have to go back.
Logan hurriedly went back to his row not even waiting for Roman. He kept muttering this doesn’t make any sense.
Apparently he was too loud as he heard a squeal from next to him. Of course he was standning right im front of the odd boy with the other weird guy.
“Virgil, Virgil, Virgil.” The boy shaked the dark one next to him. Logan just stood there looking at what the two were doing.
“What happened Patt? Are you hurt? Why do you look so… happy?” The other boy, Virgil as he just learned his name asked.
“Look!” He pulled up his cardigan’s sleeves and revealed that his tattoo was fading. Then Virgil noticed Logan standing there.
“Oh. Cool. So you are the guy. That’s cool.” Virgil said as he put his headphones on. At least there was an attempt to put them back, when he heard it.
“I can’t believe Connor Murphy died.” It was a boy who wore an outfit close to a Prince’s. There was no way that guy was his soulmate.
“You! You are the one!” He shouted suddenly.
The royal boy froze in his place and the two boys next to him looked in his direction as well.
“Roman?” Logan asked.
“Wait you know this guy? I don’t even know you. What’s your name anyways?” Virgil asked as he turned to Logan.
“Oh apologise. My name is Logan and that right there is my roommate. His name is Roman. And it seems like you said the words that are on his back.” Logan stated.
“Well Roman you spoiled the whole fucking play you know that right? You could have said literally anything else that didn’t contain these words but you, you had to say this. Thanks for spoiling this play. It was really great living my life in fear beacuse the word dead was on my arm. So really thank you.” Virgil scuffed.
After a few minutes Patton broke the silence.
“Verge calm down, it’s not Roman’s fault. It’s no one’s fault in fact.” The fatherly figure tried to calm both of the boys down.
“You… you are a boy. And-and you wear all black and you literally just look like an emo nightmare. I’ve waited 20 years for this?” Roman asked as he pointed towards the dark boy.
“Woah there. You don’t have to be mean. You don’t even know Virgil. You just critize him by his appearance. And that is not a good thing to do.” Patton said with a serious voice. “Very much so. Roman I told you. If you set your expectation too high you will probably be disappointed. Your soulmate doesn’t have to be a girl that is just plain stupid. Gender shouldn’t matter. Nor appearance. Personality is the one thing that matters.”
Virgil’s eyes were scanning between the three boys in front of him. They were defending… him. Of course Patton always stood up for him, since he started high school the bubbly boy was always with him. But this new guy. He didn’t even know him. Why can’t the smart and kind boy be his soulmate? As he was thinking about this he felt something burning on his upper arm. It seemed like the three other boy experienced this too so they looked at each other then at their arms. He pulled up his sleeves and saw that the question What? was on his arm. But that’s not all. He also had I don’t understand and This makes no sense all tattooed on both his arms.
"What?“ Patton suddenly asked. He was as confused as the others but everyone gasped as the word What started to fade from all of their arms. "I don’t understand.” Was the next sentence that started to fade from the boys’ arms. It was Roman who said this in complete confusion. “This makes no sense” Logan stated. The last sentence faded from Virgil’s arm. The other three looked at him. They all had the same sentence on their arm and Virgil said it immideatly. “I’m gonna faint.” He said and he fell to the ground. Or he would have fell if Roman didn’t jump behind him to catch him.
okay so im ending this here beacuse im shit at endings sorry.
#sanderssides#thomassanders#virgil sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#logan sanders#lamp#poly#fanfiction#deh#dear evan hansen#my fic
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