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shirohige-pirates · 10 months

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Just Like Fire

CisFem Reader x Portgas D. Ace

CW: angst, language, erotic, violence, serial killer, stalking, poisoning, over-bearing controlling parents, attempted forced marriage, possible dub-con, Munchausen by proxy (aka Factitious Disorder), wildly cute and fluffy despite the warnings. 18+ only

Summary: You're Sabo's biological sister in this AU. After college you moved in with your dear brother and his two sworn brothers in order to avoid going back home. You and Sabo despise your family equally.

Chapter 1: Nakama

“Thanks for letting me stay here.” You say for probably the fiftieth time in as many hours, setting down a small box of personal items in the room you’d been provided.

Sabo, your beloved brother, smiles at you. “Of course, (Y/N), I told you as long as you can deal with Ace and Luffy, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want.” He gives you a hug as the two of you hear a crash from downstairs, and can hear Ace and Luffy starting to squabble. “… Try to make it a month, at least.”

You start to laugh as the two of you head toward the stairs to see what happened.

“Oi! Be gentle with it Lu!” Ace snaps, picking up the scattered books carefully while his younger brother helps him.

Ace, Sabo and Luffy had been “brothers” since they were little kids. Your parents blamed Sabo’s rebellious nature on the other two, but there wasn’t much they could do about it. You knew Ace and Luffy were cursed, Sabo had talked to you about it when you were considering moving in with him. Cursed people had all sorts of things they could do, but the cost was an inability to swim. There were some other weaknesses, something about a certain kind of stone or metal, but unlike your parents you didn’t care if someone was cursed or not.

People were born that way, there wasn’t anything they could do about it, for better or worse. Just like how you and Sabo had been born to parents that didn’t suit you – there wasn’t anything you could do to change that.

“Honestly, we could just dump them.” You say, coming down the stairs.

“Oh, those are The Books, huh?” Sabo asks, his voice changing when he says ‘the books’.

“Haha, yeah, yeah.” You smile as you pick one up. Luffy looks confused, and so does Ace for a moment before he smiles. “Dad’s collection of must read titles.” You roll your eyes. “I couldn’t control what got packed, so these ended up coming along. I’m not going to suggest we burn them, but if you have a wobbly table or something?”

“What’s so bad about these books?” Luffy questions, flipping through one idly. “Aside from a lack of pictures.”

“It’s a bunch of flawed philosophy. Blood purity bullshit,” you say with a grumble. “Debunked theories and bigot science.”

“Burning stuff like that could be bad for the air.” Ace says flatly. “Oh! I know what we can do with ‘em – Lu, help me get ‘em gathered up.”

“Might I ask-?” You start as Ace looks up at you with a smile.

“It’s a surprise!” He beams up at you.

You tilt your head and feel Sabo’s hand on your shoulder. He gives you a reassuring smile before he continues past you to help the other two gather up the books.

“We’re going to the station, I assume?” He asks and both Luffy and Ace chime in the affirmative. Sabo looks back at you. “The station’s cooler and usually filled with some rough-.”

“-but nice!” Luffy interjects, head popping up over Sabo’s shoulder as your brother takes a second before continuing.

“-but nice people.” Sabo finishes. “You might not need a jacket, but you might want to dress warmer.”

“Any chance of a meal while we’re out?” You ask, already heading back upstairs.

“You just ate.” Sabo gapes.

“Just was nearly three hours ago, dear brother.” You correct. “We’ve been hauling boxes up these steps for the last three hours. I am hungry.”

“How does something so small eat so mu--.” Sabo stops as he and Ace look over at Luffy who’s already laughing. “Never mind.”

With the books eventually gathered, the four of you loaded into Sabo’s car.

“I still can’t believe you ended up with the Odyssean.” You muse as the box is loaded into the trunk. You clear your throat when you see a smile from Sabo, and confusion from the other two. Doing your best impression of your father you open your arm toward the vehicle.

“A masterpiece of bespoke stitching and sustainable design, this mainstream produced Bentley offers a balance of luxury and quality, while still leading the edge of sustainability and viability. A perfect first car for my chosen heir.” You rolled your eyes at the end. “If dad hadn’t said the words ‘mainstream produced’, Stuffy might have actually kept it.”

“Pfft – hahaha.” Ace laughs, Luffy breaking into a laugh with him. “Stuffy, ah-hahaha!”

You grin. “You’ve met him, it seems.”

“He came camping with us once, remember?” Sabo says as Ace holds the passenger door open for you with an exaggerated flourish.

“Oh right, he pitched a fit for weeks to be allowed to go, and then was livid when he came back.” You laugh. “I’d almost forgotten, you were what, eleven?”

“Mm, it was one of the few times I had been hoping that father wouldn’t give in.” Sabo sighs.

“How long are you staying with us?” Luffy asks as the drive begins.

“A few months. I was thinking a year tops if you can all put up with me that long.” You answer with a smile, turning a bit to look at Luffy while you talk. “That should be enough time to job hunt and then start apartment hunting.”

“You should just stay!”

“… HUH?” You feel your mouth go slack.

“There it is.” Sabo says flatly.

“Well, it’s been decided.” Ace says with a smile.

You recover quickly and laugh. “Just like that huh? What in the hells just happened?”

“Luffy determines friend or foe very quickly.” Sabo explains as you sit back in your seat.

“I am in the friend column, it seems.” You muse as you hear Luffy laughing.

“No you’re not.” He says, still laughing, and there’s a second of tension in the air. “(Y/N) is nakama!”

“Sorry, what?” You ask, turning fully toward the backseat.

Ace points to everyone in the car. “Nakama.”

“Is that like siblings?”

He shakes his head. “Think of it like a step up from friends. Kind of like a found family, but not necessarily familial.”

You can feel your face starting to heat up and turn away before it shows. “Well… thank you then. Not even done with my first official day and I’ve been adopted.”

Sabo reaches over and pats your head. “It’s going to be a lot of adjusting. Ace and Luffy are doing a good job of holding back.” He admits. “Luffy usually hugs everyone he likes, and Ace is pretty handsy too.”

“Han- HANDSY?! Don’t say it like that, it makes me sound like a pervert!” Ace growls, hand on the headrest of your seat as he leans forward. “I give better hugs than Luffy, and I’m not asking to see people’s panties like Brook.”

“Will Brook be at the station?” You question, trying not to sound too concerned.

“Huh, no – er – he works at the Library downtown with Robin and Nami.” Ace answers you. “The guys at the station are pretty tame, you don’t have to worry about them.”

You can’t help yourself. “Mm, but I do have to worry about you?”

Sabo and Luffy are laughing as Ace’s entire face goes red. “No, I’m-.”

“Y-you can-can not say you’re tame!” Sabo manages between laughs. The infectious laughter hits you too and the car’s filled with it for a couple minutes.

“Ah, haha, haaa,” Sabo wipes a tear from his eye. “Oh, but you can trust Ace and Luffy, (Y/N), as I’ve said before. No matter anything else, they’re my brothers for a reason.”

“Brothers with you cause they’re menaces just like you are.” You tease, causing Luffy and Ace to laugh at Sabo’s expense. Which seemed only fair since you’d been tossing around teasing one another all morning.

The rest of the car ride was a continuation of the same. A little roasting, a lot of chatting, by the time you made it to the station you were pretty tired. Between all the moving you’d done that morning and all the laughing you were starting to run on fumes.

You let out a yawn and Sabo pats your leg. “I’ll go get us something to eat after I drop you off. Will you be okay with Luff, and Ace?”

You nod. “Even if all I had was your trust of them, but it’s been a fun few days moving with their help. I trust them on my own.”

Sabo smiles as he pulls into the fire station’s lot. “I’m just going to grab some grub - given the time should I-.”

“Oi!” A man with brown hair, a wide smile and a scar on the side of his face is waving at the car. “I recognize that beauty anywhere! What timing you lugs have!”

Ace opens the door getting out. “Whaddya mean, Thatch?”

“Izou and Marco just came back with a truck load of subs and sodas. There’s plenty to go around come on— oh, hello Miss.” Thatch offers you a wide smile. “You must be the mysterious sister.”

You open the door with a grin. “The mysterious sister does vaudeville on the Red Line.” You tease, offering your hand for a shake. “I’m just the disappointing sister, (Y/N).”

“Disappointing to our parents maybe.” Sabo says after putting the car in park and shutting it down. “Food’s already here? How fortunate.”

“Yeah, it’s Ducky Bree’s birthday and we’re just having some grub.” He explains. “Nothing too over the top.”

“Birthday?! Thatch did you make a cake!?” Luffy asks, nearly tackling the older man.

“Yes,” Thatch says, hooking Luffy with his arm and holding him back. “For later, you unhinged little black hole!”

“At least make sure the birthday boy gets a slice first, Luffy.” Ace teases. He holds out his elbow toward you with a smile. “Would you like an escort, oh mysterious sister?”

You laugh, putting your arm through his offered one. “I see you offered your elbow so as not to be too handsy, hm, Mr. Portgas?”

Sabo laughs as Ace’s cheeks flush a little. “Not living that down huh?”

“We’ll see.” You say with a smile as the two of you walk toward the station. “Sabo said you’re a firefighter. Luffy as well, yes?”

“Yeah, he’s a part-timer, he does volunteer EMT work for the main hospital. He’s good friends with a couple of the doctors there. I mean, it’s Luffy, he’s never met a stranger.” Ace explains.

“I don’t feel like you have either.” You say with a smile.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He says, unthreading his arm from yours and opening the door. “After you, Miss.”

The man-door opens into a huge, cooled room with several large fire trucks in it. There’s lines painted on the floor to direct traffic, and where to park the trucks. There’s poles, stairs, and gear everywhere, and there’s a few fold out tables set up with food and drink on them. There was a small mess of people inside, all well-built guys walking around in little more than pants and boots with the tops of their fire gear hanging around their waists. Some wore t-shirts. Some did not.

Everyone looked warm and kind, and several people greeted Luffy, Ace, and Sabo. Most of them gave you a wave from a comfortable distance – they probably knew they could be an over-bearing and rowdy bunch and were doing their best to hold back a little.

Ace brought you a seat, and Sabo brought you something to eat, the two sitting with you for a while.

“You doin’ alright?” Ace questioned.

You nod, swallowing your bite of sandwich. “Yeah, my uh, constitution’s a little weak, but I do well enough.”

“The move’s worn her out a bit.” Sabo offers. “If it had only been a day or two it probably wouldn’t have caught up like this.”

“Oh. Oh, hey, if you need to stay in we can go back, I didn’t mean to drag you out when-.”

You put your hand up. “It’s okay. I promise.” You say reassuringly. “I don’t like to let it hold me back if I can help it. If I was really worried, I would’ve spoke up though, I promise.”

“Alright.” Ace accepts it, looking at you for a moment before going to get himself something to eat.

“He and Luffy will likely worry about you,” Sabo says. “I hope it’ll be okay.”

“Mm.” You nod. “It’s genuine concern, I can’t fault that. It’s not like what mom and dad did my whole life.”

“Once he comes back I’ll go get some-.”

“Sa-boo.” You tease, sticking out your tongue a little. “I’m good, go get something to eat. These guys aren’t going to eat me if you leave me alone for a minute.”

Sabo grunts a half-hearted laugh before getting up and going to get his own food. You look around a little while you eat, noticing some pictures taped onto the wall. There’s a bunch of guys in various states of uniform dress in the pictures. You recognize quite a few of the guys who are here right now. You find a couple pictures with Ace and Luffy in them, and even a few pictures with Sabo reluctantly hauled into the middle.

It warms your heart. Growing up with your parents wasn’t easy for either of you. Sabo came away from it with physical scars, and you came away from it with emotional ones. Both of you were considered disappointments to the rest of the family, but once they shifted all their hopes and dreams onto Stebby’s shoulders things almost got worse.

At least for a little bit. Once you were both able to leave for more than just a few hours a day, things began to improve. You’d both specifically chosen Universities and jobs in the New World, instead of the East Blue. It kept you further from home, which suited you both. Ever since the One Piece had been found, the New World had been the center of growth and opportunity. Maybe a little rough for you, but Sabo had a solid foundation here and that gave you a better chance of getting your own feet under you.

The better you could do for yourself, the less likely you were to get dragged back home.

“Ah, you found the pictures, huh?” Ace asks, sitting back down and breaking your train of thought.

You smile. “I did. Quite the lively bunch. I can see how you and Luffy fit in.”

Ace beams. “They’re good guys. The Family I didn’t know I needed sometimes.”

“Nakama.” You offer, and Ace smiles wider. You feel your heart skip a beat at that smile.

“Exactly! Catching on fast.” He says taking a few big bites of food. You’d spent a couple days with him and Luffy now, though most of it was packing, moving, unpacking, organizing and then sleeping like the dead, so you hadn’t really had time to just chat. But you’d seen the two of them eat, and your only thought was how your parents would be appalled.

Somehow, it made it endearing.

You’d matched up most of the people in the photos to the people in the station, but there were a couple you didn’t see. Either they were off today, which seemed unlikely, there were a lot of people in the station in civilian clothes, and it seemed everyone meant to come by for the celebration. Or they had moved on to something else.

Ace talks you through some of the people in the photos, pointing from them to the hubbub in the room. He gives you names, and little anecdotes about them. Sabo joins in when he comes back, sprinkling in complaints about what some of them had nearly done to his favorite hat. One you realize he isn’t wearing right now.

“Who’s that?” You ask, pointing to a man with shaggy black hair and an impressive beard for a guy running into burning buildings.

Ace’s eyes darken. “Teach.” He says before giving you a sheepish look. “He… was executed.”

Your eyes go wide.

“We kept the one picture up because for a long time he did save people, yoi.” Marco interjects, causing you to look over at him. You recognize the blonde from Ace’s earlier run down of people, and already you know he has a high regard for the older man. “Doesn’t excuse what he did, but -.”

“No, I get it.” You say, looking back at the picture. “The good he did doesn’t excuse the bad, but the bad he did doesn’t invalidate the good. People are complex like that.”

Marco’s eyebrows raise a little before he tips the bottle of soda toward you and the picture. “Well said.”

“… I think I remember the story about that.” You admit quietly.

“It was international news.” Sabo agrees. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“He was… cursed, right?” You ask tentatively. Sabo nods, but you can see Ace is getting uncomfortable. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-.”

“Ah, no – no, it’s okay.” Ace interrupts, giving you a sad smile. “It’s just-.”

“It’s an extra sour subject for us.” Marco interjects again, having come a little closer. “Most of the people at this station are cursed.”

You make a dissatisfied face. “There needs to be a better word for that.”

“Eh?” Marco’s head tilts and Ace looks at you questioningly.

“Cursed is such a negative connotated word. But you’re not. You’re not monsters. There’s nothing wrong with you. If anything, … I don’t know. If anything, I think people should at least be kinder about it, I guess.”

There’s a moment of silence and you see a flicker of blue slide over Marco’s shoulders.

“Sabo, your mysterious sister is divine, yoi.” He says before smiling brightly at you. “Pardon me, but I think you need to meet everyone.”

“Wha-uh, sure?” You question as Marco leans down and lifts you up easily onto his shoulder. You yip a bit as Sabo and Ace move to steady you if Marco loses his grip, but the older blonde has a good hold on you.

“Sons of the New World!” Marco says getting everyone’s attention. “Meet the guardian deity of the station!”

“… the what?” You murmur, holding onto Marco’s head as he steadies you easily.

There are hoots and cheers and people are raising their bottles of soda and water. Thatch cheers over the crowd.

“Three cheers for (Y/N)! Hip!”

“Hoo-rah!”

“Hip!”

“Hoo-rah!”

“Hip!

“HOO-RAAAAAAAHHH!!” Even Sabo and Ace were cheering for you by the end of it.

Your face was burning hot as Marco set you down. You were smiling, even if you were confused to no end.

“What just happened?”

“Nakama.” Ace says with a smile, catching your gaze. “Feeling okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, a little confused, but I’m good.”

“The New World is a little more accepting of the cursed,” Marco explains. “But there’s a lot of fear and anger around it still. Most of us end up in jobs that are dangerous, yoi. People expect us to take the risk, but there’s not much acceptance or reward to go with it.

“Hearing you say something like that, it’s kind of its own reward, yeah?”

“Ah, but I’m nobody.” You try to say, but the words die on your lips a little. You might not like your family, and you might not like that they are your family, but you and Sabo are still nobility.

“Even if your family was different,” Marco says, crouching down to catch your gaze. “What you said shows you get it. That’s rare, yoi.”

After that there was a blur of face-to-face introductions with the people at the station. You met enough people you were losing track of names, but the faces were easy to remember. Eventually, Ace remembered why he had dragged everyone to the station in the first place and got a few people to help him bring the books from Sabo’s car.

The books were set near a brick wall out in a small training area.

“We train everything except live fires here.” Ace explains as he, Marco, Luffy, Izou, Jozu and Thatch help him set up a hose. “It’s enough to help keep us all warmed up without any big risks. Stand there.”

Ace points and you do as he instructed. Sabo is nearby, but he’s standing away from the set up. Ace stands behind you, with Marco on the other side of the hose. The other men line up behind the three of you.

“We’re going to brace the hose, so don’t worry about that.” Ace says, continuing his explanation. “Put your hands here, and here. When you’re ready, we’ll turn it on.”

“… You’re letting me use a fire hose to …?” You prompt, tilting your head.

“It’ll tear those books to pieces.” Ace beams. “C’mon, this is why we came here.”

“I’m not strong.” You admit a little reluctantly.

“We are.” Ace says, making sure you realize how many people are keeping the hose steady. “You’re not alone, I got your back. Sabo’s at the emergency shut off, it’ll be okay.”

You grip the hose a little more surely. “O-okay, let’s do this then.”

“Good, you can brace against me, it might buck a bit even with all of us holding it, but don’t worry.” Ace assures you.

“S-Sure.” You nod, setting your feet in a way that you hope is a little more steady than how they were.

“Relax, (Y/N).” Marco says.

Easy for you to say, you think. You don’t have your brother’s unexpectedly hot roommate ‘braced’ against you.

Ace has you put your hand over his as he engages the hose. There’s a small jolt as the pressure’s released and a jet of water shoots out of it. Ace lets you guide his hands as you take out one book after the other. There’s a thrill in the rush of water, and the catharsis of destroying the damnable books – especially in the company of the kind of people the books lambast.

You’re giggling and the guys holding the hose are laughing and cheering. You don’t even know if they know what’s written in the old books, but the whole thing gets your heart pumping.

After a few minutes, Ace turns the hose off and the blast of water turns into a slow trickle. A few shifts in the wind had misted you a little, but the cool water was refreshing and it was still plenty warm out.

“Oh – whew – that was more fun than I expected!” You say, bouncing a little as you head over to the ruined books. Sabo and Ace follow you as the others get the hose put away properly.

“Father would be furious to see these in this state.” Sabo says with utter delight in his voice.

You laugh. “Yeah. I almost want to take a picture.”

“What’s stopping you?” Ace asks.

“I wouldn’t get to see the looks on their faces when they opened the email.” You say with a devilish grin. “I’d much rather tell him in person.”

“Going back home anytime soon?” Sabo questions.

“Nah, but I’m not going to forget this day for a long time.” You admit with a smile.

#just like fire #portgas d ace #x reader #portgas d ace x reader #reader insert

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dollarbin · 3 months

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Shakey Sundays #8:

Ragged Glory

Some things are worth waiting for.

At age 14 I dedicated way too many hours to MTV, hoping to catch Neil Young's Mansion on the Hill. I'd seen the song's video just once; the network had seemingly played it a single time just to tease me.

During my weeks of hapless watching and waiting I tried to remember all the crazy stuff in the video; it entered my dreams and morphed. Had there really been a funeral? Who was dead? Was Young a ghost for all of it? Did a choir really sing the silly lyrics? Was that Neil in the gas station too? Were there dinosaurs at one point? Or was I making that part up? And how did guys my dad's age play such killer guitar?

Well, I never got my answers; instead I saw nothing but Motley Crue's Dr Feelgood. Over and Over Again.

But just now, 34 years later, and thanks to this new technology I'm learning to use called google, I finally got to see the video for Mansion on the Hill a second time.

youtube

You can feel Young's burgeoning joy all over this silly video. He'd probably seen Monty Python and The Holy Grail only while stoned on tour and thought his opening gag was entirely original. He's not dead yet!

In midst of my hopeless adolescent search for the video I read in the LA Times that Young had made two additional videos for Ragged Glory, one of which involved high drama between a sexy couple on a balcony. But, reported the Times, neither video had any chance of ever getting a single second of airtime. The writer (it was probably Robert Hilburn, a total dad rock grump who routinely called Use Your Illusion 2 fantastic) mused in the piece on Young's possible motives: Was he delusional? Deceived? Nuts?

Well, making videos exactly how you wanted, which meant you knew would never be seen, sounded genius to me, and I quit watching MTV cold turkey in response. If they weren't going to play Neil Young they weren't going to have me.

I've been thinking about those mythical videos for 34 years straight now. Seriously, I've wondered about them once a month for 408 months in a row. I'm not proud to report this; I'm just a victim of the Dollar Bin (and Jerry Jeff Walker), living my life easy come, easy go...

And now, low and behold, here they are!

youtube

Sure enough, this first one, for the hook-heavy Over and Over, has the balcony stuff; witness the serious, VH1 level, drama: a sexy lingerie lady (women in this era of music videos only wore lingerie; none of them owned pants) squares off with an Anthony Bandaras type dude; passion ensues while the band unrelatedly rocks. There's nothing silly enough here for Shakey-level greatness, although it does look like Young did indeed summon his Budokan era wind machines from the Shocking Pinks desertscape. Hurricane force winds are needed for most of Neil's videos.

And then there's the video least likely to ever be seen by me / anyone else as a kid. Had I been a MTV VG at the time, even I wouldn't have played this for fear of a FCC shutdown: there's the swearing in it, sure, but there's also the guitar solos at the 2:30, 3:30 and 4 minute marks that are so gnarly they do not seem safe for public consumption.

youtube

Unlike the previous two videos from Ragged Glory, Fubbin' Up contains almost no plot; but half way through Neil does cavort with two different buxom ladies; someone has to stand in for Neil on stage and pretend to shred like him while he stumbles about with them. Neil Young's music videos: they make every Sunday Shakey.

As I've written previously, I do not own Ragged Glory on vinyl. (The lead photo above features my fired up cat and a record store promotion poster I got as a kid and have kept inside my copy of Live Rust ever since.) If you've got the record on vinyl and want to swap I'll gladly send you my copy of Old Ways in return (then I'll go buy another copy of that 80's masterpiece to mediocrity; I saw one yesterday for $8; where the hell were all the copies of Old Ways up until a year ago?).

Anyway, when I was 14 I bought Ragged Glory on tape and, truth be told, it was a little over my head. I loved it, sure, but like another perfect record of that era, The Cure's Disintegration, it was just too damn long for my adolescent attention level. I'd especially get lost during Love and Only Love and Love To Burn. The songs seemed interchangeable to me, and on some level they still do.

While we're at it, I'm gonna argue that those two songs heralded the often regrettable nature of Young's lyrics ever since; for every weird and spectral song like Without Rings or Music Arcade there are four or five that remind me not to forget love.

Memo to Neil: I am not in danger of forgetting about love. I'm happily married, and I am familiar with The Sermon on the Mount. But when I drop the needle, I want visitors from space in my Neil Young songs; I want to picture him walking down main street: not the sidewalk, but MAIN street.

But who am I kidding: I can't complain about Love to Burn or Love and Only Love, or anything else on this vital and classic record. No other 45 year old ever rocked this hard. At 45 Stephen Stills stayed fat and laid an egg. Just get this: Young permanently blew out his hearing not on tour for the record but while mixing the live album that followed. How cool is that? At 45 years old, while the rest of us were acting like grown-ups, he sat in a studio and listened to himself shredding at 11, thereby damaging his ears. When I was 45 the loudest thing I did was shout at the Dodgers. And it worked: they won the World Series.

But Neil kept up his revived crazy brilliance from this era long term. Check him out using Love and Only Love to lay siege to Farm aid with Ralph, Billy and Poncho in tow ten years later:

youtube

But at age 14 I never really understood Ragged Glory. It's not an album for teenagers. Metaphors such as, "like a little girl, who couldn't wait" only made sense when I had a daughter of my own, finally asleep at 2am on Christmas eve. It was in moments like that when I wanted to chug a cold one and high step my way around the kitchen, listening to Ragged Glory on headphones. Over and over again...

But I started unlocking the record years before, late in high school. My buddy Matt, a MIT-bound, state champion wrestler in the 150 pound class when he should have weighed an easy 180, was the only person I knew on earth who was as gnarly as Young's soloing on Truckin' Up. And Matt spoke up at lunch one day, when we were probably late for Physics, and told us the story of his 10 mile run the day before after 3 hours of push-ups and brawling on a mat.

Matt had listened to Ragged Glory on his walkman during that run and wanted to report that Forking Up was the greatest song ever written. It was even better, he claimed, that his other favorite Neil song, Homegrown.

I was really into TS Eliot and The Pixies at that point; so he sounded full of crap. But as I listened to him recite Neil's nonsensical, bone-headed lyrics my future self reached out to me and ordered that I sit up and listen; Matt had a point.

Dogs that lick And dogs that bite Hounds that howl Through the night Broken leashes Are all over the floor Keys left hanging In a swinging door.

Amen, Matt. The world is nonsensical and bone-headed. As the great Bob Pollard once warbled, sometimes you need to slay the beast and win the cup. Sometimes you need to fook things up and then scream about it.

There's a lot more to say about Ragged Glory but I'll pause here: happily, Young put out a new extended version of the record, aptly titled Smell the Horse, recently. Writing about it will make some future Sunday Shakey all over again.

#Youtube #neil young #and crazy horse #shakey sundays #stephen stills sucks

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themaresnest-dumblr · 1 year

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Stranger Things Thoughts

The other half won’t approve, but as your humble narrator has access to binge watching the entirity of ‘Stranger Things’ from start to finish, decided to see what the fuss was all about.

First impressions?

It’s kind of a crossover between the video game Half Life and Goosebumps, and get the suspicion it was aimed at the Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Stephen King fans type target market.

It’s definitely a ‘binge watch’ series - just don’t see how it would have survived as a traditional one hour and one episode a week to hold people’s attention span, as some of the cliffhangers are weaker than train station cafe tea.

Will is really Fiver from the film version of Watership Down. Or Harry Potter’s scar. Just the scar.

Finn Wolfhard and Noah Schnapp were definitely recruited for reasons other than their acting abilities (ie. appealing to Jimmie Savile/Mrs Robinson types), because both are incredibly piss poor. It becomes quiet frightening as the show progresses how often Caleb McLaughlin’s over-the-top angry guy stuff appears to be to overcompensate for both being so insipid. Finn Wolfhard in particular seems to have the acting abilities of a blobfish.

By contrast, Gaten Matarazzo may have a face only a mother could love, but he carries a frighteningly large number of scenes without anyone really noticing it. He’s the Cartman of the gang, but all in a good way. Aside from being the originator of some of their most ‘cunning plans’, he’s the only one who appears to have learned good real life lessons from playing D&D: that is, to succeed against adversity, you need to stick together as a team, each playing to their strengths to compensate for other’s weaknesses.

Millie Bobbie Brown’s acting chops are formidable, but her constant use as a Deus Ex Machina becomes a little wearing after a while. On the other hand, her transformation into David Vanian of the Damned in Season 2 was hilarious.

Natalia Dyer’s jawbone is made from tungsten. There can be no other explanation.

Charlie Heaton is the reincarnation of Déagol from The Lord Of The Rings movies.

That Billy character had the worst case of being closet gay and aggressively in denial about it since Vaas Montenegro in Far Cry 3.

When Will suddened declares that the Big Bad is back in Season 3, right after his fall out with his buds not wanting to be stuck in his D&D timewarp, isn’t it jarring that no one questions it? After all, mega-convenient way of getting the gang back together on his terms, yes?

David Harbour’s Angry Dad routine gets wearing REALLY quickly in season 3.

Why does Winona Ryder’s character give the constant appearence of being a recovering alcoholic?

Steve Harrington’s reaction to Robin admitting she was a lesbian (while turning him down) is ludicrously out of context with what would actually have happened to any woman admitting as much in the 1980s, especially slap bang in the very year the AIDS panic took off in the U.S. (largely after haemophiliac teen Ryan White contracted it via a dodgy blood transfusion, bringing out into the open American’s utterly f**ked up pay-for-blood donation system into question).

Why are none of the kids playing computer games? At all?

The music is meant to be 80s, but they have some real issues with it as much as the supposed 80s clothes and haircuts.

(Here comes the Madame Lee bit, concentrate!)

Season One - It’s Meant To Be 1983, but ....

Jefferson Airplane - 'She Has Funny Cars' and 'White Rabbit'

By the 1980s, Jefferson Airplane were Jefferson Starship, and the drugged out hippies like so many psychedelics and prog rockers had gone down the AOR/Cock Rock route.

By the timeline of 'Stranger Things' the band was falling apart as their brief period of late 70s success burned out - ironically they were to score their biggest hits as plain old post-court case Starship were forced to go even more commercial, with global No.1's with 1985's 'We Build This City (On Rock 'n' Roll)' and 1987's 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' (the latter the theme song to the hit movie 'Mannaquin') - after which they all but vanished. Jefferson Airplane's back catalogue meanwhile was virtually unsellable at this time.

The inclusion of 'White Rabbit' may have been a scriptwriter's brick joke - as during Eleven's brief runaway in season two, she changes her look to one resembling to a remarkable degree David Vanian of the Damned during the period when, in sheer desperation for a hit outside of the UK, the band did a cover of Jefferson Airplane's most famous track (it flopped, as all covers of this song tend to do).

Toto - Africa

The song which has become an internet meme was released in 1984 ... a year after the events of season one.

The Clash - Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

The other 'theme song' for Season One, played umpteen times during the series. A hit in the summer of 1982, rush released in panic by CBS after the original taster single flopped.

Contrary to historical revision, The Clash were never a major band in the punk era and largely enjoyed only a few minor hits: the major exception was this Mick Jones written track and drummer Topper Headon's 'Rock The Casbah', both for 1982's 'Combat Rock' - when the band had been told by CBS to write a commercially sellable album or have their contract terminated (contrary to the name, it sounds more like a funk record

But by 1983, The Clash were effectively no more: band 'leader' Joe Strummer's ego couldn't handle 'his bass player' and 'his drummer' getting the band's first two truly global selling singles (the two Strummer singles from the album, 'Straight To Hell' and 'Know Your Rights' flopped), and sacked Jones in a fit of pique, after which Headon resigned.

Brotherhood Of Man - Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree

This one is positively embarrassing. Brotherhood Of Man never recorded this song until 2002.

To be fair, a lot of people do get this Brit band (punk's most famous victims: a former Eurovision song contest winner dropped by their record company abruptly after scoring their final No.1 'Figaro' because they were 'old hat') mixed up with Tony Orlando's Dawn, who did the original global hit.

The Bangles - Hazy Shade Of Winter

The Bangles may have covered it in concert, but it was never released on record until 1987.

Foreigner - Waiting For A Girl Like You

From 1981, two years earlier.

Peter Gabriel - Heroes

Oh FFS! Gabriel's murdering of the late David Bowie classic only happened in 2010 for his cover versions album 'Scratch My Back' aka 'Utterly Out Of Ideas'.

Joy Division - Atmosphere

Four years too late, or five years too early, depending on your point of view.

By the timeline of this, nazi bigot Ian Curtis had done the world a favour and hanged himself four years prior (this song was released as a post-suicide cash in, but flopped), and Joy Division had changed name to New Order precisely to cleanse its association with him (ironically they had a mammoth global hit with 'Blue Monday', one of the songs of the 1980s, in 1983, but it never made the show.

A remixed and cleaned up version of 'Atmosphere' was released as a successful standalone single in 1988, as Joy Division's back-catalogue became more critically reappaised with the success of New Order and the moribund far-right no longer being considered a matter of wide scale concern.

Season Two - It's meant to be 1984, but ...

Devo - Whip It

From 1980. Even more ironically, by 1984 the band were virtual pariahs in the United States having 'sold out' their sound for the sake of their New Zealand fanbase (the only place they were ever truly successful). New Zealand wasn't long in following suit ...

Duran Duran - Girls On Film

Arguable. Three years too late - but the song did very heavy rotation in 1983 and 1984 on MTV, bringing them to mass attention, but never became a U.S. hit - it was the follow up, 'Hungry Like The Wolf' which broke the U.S. for them.

The Clash - This Is Radio Clash

Flop single from 1981, except in Sweden where it reached No.9 - a year later.

Shock Therepy - Can Do What I Want

One year too early.

Fad Gadget - Back To Nature

Again, one year too early.

John Carpenter - The Bank Robbery

One of the most infamous show howlers. The song comes from the 1981 movie 'Escape From New York' ... except it never made it to the soundtrack and indeed remained unknown to the general public until making it on a collection of 21st century 'lost' soundtrack tunes.

The best known example of the show's producers self-indulging rather than keeping things on theme.

Season Three - It's meant to be 1985, but ...

Stray Cats - Rock This Town

Not only was it four years too late, but the band had split two years earlier and were by that time in the zeitgeist regarded as something of a joke - an attempted reunion in 1986 ended in near empty halls and humiliation all round, as by this time more visually appealing bands like King Kurt and The Cramps had taken up whatever rockabilly audience remained.

Cutting Crew - (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight

This walking abortion of a song from a walking abortion of a band encapsulated everything bland and faux about the 1980s, but it wasn't until the summer of 1986 it appeared.

Go-Go's - Get Up And Go

From 1984 - by which time the Go-Go's had messily folded and were already forgotten. By the following year, the success of Belinda Carlisle further hastened their erasure from the zeitgeist, and it’s only in recent years their ‘legacy’ has been reappraised.

Foreigner - Cold As Ice

Those involved in the show seem to have a major hard on for Foreigner, but putting this song, which sound dated enough upon its release in 1977 - never mind 1985 - was beyond belief.

Trevor Jones - The Pod Dance

Taken from 1983's 'The Dark Crystal' soundtrack - just about the only time having a tune vastly out of place song worked, during the painful to watch sequence where Will attempts to get two of his friends to play a session of Dungeons & Dragons, unable to accept that their interests have moved on to girls - Will's timing being especially poor as both are suffering crises in their respective puppy love lives.

Will - already silly looking enough with his pudding bowl haircut - appears utterly ludicrous to the point of disturbing in a purple wizard outfit complete with hat and starry cloak (he looks like the sort of children's entertainer that gets arrested on child molestation charges), trying aggressively to get his friends to care less.

You'd have to go back to the film 'Ghostworld' for a better sequence of watching childhood friends drifting apart, and 'Stranger Things' succeeded in five minutes what it took a whole film to do, and the choice of music was perfect.

By contrast ...

Dame Vera Lynn - We'll Meet Again One of the songs of World War Two, especially to armed forces personnel being sent across the world with the very real prospect of never seeing their loved ones again, it's often been used ironically (eg. the multiple nuclear bomb ending of the film 'Dr Strangelove'), it was also the first single to feature a synthesiser (yes, really!)

Its use at the end of the episode where evil Billy has escaped back to the spider monster thing's lair, knowing now Eleven and the rest of the meddling kids are onto them, is jarring.

Possum River - Stand Up and Meet Your Brother

From 1971 - complete self indulgence. Didn't even go with the carnival sequence.

Yello - Goldrush

A full year too early.

Hmmmmm, onward to Season Four, which is all about The Ginger One, well it will need to have a bloody amazing script to pull it off, as she was someone only stomachable in small doses at the best of times ...

#stranger things #finn wolfhard #noah schnapp #gaten matarazzo #caleb mclaughlin #millie bobby brown #natalie dyer #charlie heaton

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hoardofshinythings · 7 months

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Gremlin Notes: Stranger Things Ep. 1-S. 1

Byers have a mut retriever? House doesn’t seem dog lived in. Neighbours? Keep eye on pupper in future episodes.

Creatures mess with phone lines

Demogorgon unlocks door from outside (telepathic powers), can teleport though so why? Does it have wherewithal to be a haunting dick? Keep an eye on this to see if something like this happens again.

Will grabs dads gun, knows how to load it (dad teach him... or mom?? I can see his dad getting impatient with him while teaching him, but then Mom latter teaching him with patience to do it... or! OR. Johnathan. Hmmmmm). I am officially on team ‘Give Will A Gun’. Not even as a treat. Fay boys with boom sticks are badass.

Joyce does not confirm kid is missing with Wheelers mom. No trust? Or just hopeful? Looks like no trust. Is Mrs. Wheeler a gossip?

BARB DEFF A LESBIAN MY GOD. On SITE. She may not know it but I do. Course she dies dammit.

Phil Larson: someone keeps stealing gnomes from his garden. No murders or other big things in the last 4 years (but no mention of before). Keep an eye on reports of weird, silly, or off things that happen in town for background noise or weird connections you can make later.

OMG Ben is just a gentle giant oh rude. Knows all the truckers and old folks in town. Who the shit would believe he offed himself? The look on his face when she said 11. He called the police. What if they had arrived first. Did they really have to kill him? They really really didn’t? Though I guess even if they convinced the both of them the lady was child services it’s a small town word would get around about a starving kid in the woods... but who would connect the dots? Could just be one of those ‘weird things’ that happens and then vanishes into the rumor mill. Ben did not need to get capped. What if he brought her down to the station instead what would have happened? Would they have feckin shot any officer involved? Like... your problem solving skills are NOT the best here secret lab. Choose the most normal route to not be noticed. But then maybe there have been a lot of cuts and they don’t have the sharpest staff anymore and ‘quick shot mcgee missus’ is the kind of slapstick crap they got now.... which explains why the place is falling apart at the seams with crazy shyte by this point. Hmmmmmmm....

Teacher BIGGEST nerd. Scott Clarke

Mom took Will to see Poltergeist but not Johnathan. J just not a horror kind of person or is this a favoritism thing? Keep an eye out for this.

Johnathan deff has older sibling syndrome out the wazoo. Used to calming mom, probably forced to be mediator. Anxiety out the ass probably. She tries to bond with him in panic night of disappearance. He doesn’t know what to do with that. She falls apart really fast. He is deff used to managing her. Probably has de-escalation skills tantamount to a Negotiation Specialist due to his parents obvious rough road and then dealing with that in a small town and the rumor mill of it all.

Mike see’s Steve climbing the side of his house and just goes on because wtf dude I got other shit to do. Very sibling blackmail collection habit.

Observation of Nancy and Steve interactions. Always seems like something disappears in Steve’s eyes when she calls him an idiot. She means it as an affectionate nickname, so he is playing it cool, but that look says he has to TRY to play it cool and not take it to heart. It has probably been used on him by those he cares about before, but meant to hurt unlike her. It does make him back off from what he is trying to do each time. A switch is flipped to Step Back mode.

#stranger things #watching stranger things #first time watch #rambling notes #Episode 1 #Season 1 #ST Episode Ramblings

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leggerefiore · 2 years

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▲Subway Bosses as Dads HC▽

▲Ingo▼

● He's a bit of a strict dad, honestly. There is a flexible schedule he has specifically for them. It's less 'Do your homework right now!' and more 'have it done by dinner'. Ingo is very understanding if they do not, however. All they have to do is communicate with him.

● Which is hard when your father is a busy man like the Subway Boss is. He attempts to be home before they go to bed every night, but sometimes it's just not possible. He video calls in the times he can't because he doesn't want them to feel abandoned. His work is important, but so are they.

● He wants to have multiple children. The thought of being an only child seems painfully lonely; it's not something he could put his own child through. He would genuinely beg his partner to understand his perspective if they disagree. Ingo is a twin, and he can't imagine a world without Emmet. The idea of his child being lonesome is genuinely terrifying to him.

● He does that thing where the kids hold on to a rope in line behind him. They hear 'all aboard!' and their piece of the rope with a Pavlovian response. People around Nimbasa observe the line of children marching behind the Subway Boss curiously.

● Ingo will share his passions with his kids, even if they aren't all too interested. He doesn't force them to be involved with them, either. He'll just turn on a documentary about the history of locomotives and watch to who sticks around. If any of them have his love for trains or battles (or both), he's so ecstatic. Gets them a pokemon and teaches them battle techniques or lets them watch his the trains around the Gear Station function.

● He doesn't ignore his kids' other passions. Ingo wholeheartedly supports them, so long as it's nothing dangerous. He's an angry soccer mom in spirit when it comes to his children. If his kid wants to play a sport, his cheers are louder than anyone else in the bleachers could ever hope to get. If they're an artist, he's always actively enjoying their works. Ingo offers genuine feedback for them, too.

● Best advice dad, definitely a 'do as I say, not as I do'. He tells his kids to got to bed at a regular time every night, and one points out that Ingo literally went to bed at one in the morning and had to wake up at five in the morning. They get the dad look.

● He has a picture of his kids wearing his hat as little children. If he's having a stressful day at work, he glances at it and feels much better. They're something extremely precious to him and ground him.

▽Emmet△

○ Fun dad! He's very easy-going, yet still has some expectations for his kids. He wants to see them succeed and actively supports them in any way he can.

○ Also very busy, but has set more hard boundaries than his older brother. He will get off before they go to bed, unless the Gear Station is actively burning down or someone's stole a train. If he can't, he'll also video call them and apologize a bunch. He wants to be with them, he promises.

○ He wants multiple kids, too, but also specifically would like twins. Being a twin is an experience he would to share, especially with his children. The deep bond that is included is heavily important to him. (Ingo rains on his parade by telling him how rare twins are.) If his partner doesn't want multiple kids (especially two babies at once), he will somehow convince them. Emmet has Ingo come in and support him on either point.

○ 100% carried his children as infants in those baby backpacks. If it's twins, one was strapped to the front and the other to his back. People feared him as he wandered around a grocery store looking for formula.

○ Both him and Ingo definitely did the “here comes the Choo Choo train” when feeding their kids with spoons.

○ He would prefer his kids get more into battling than trains. Ingo and him are deeply infatuated by locomotives and would probably live on one if they could, but his kids have to be trainers. They're his greatest rivals after twin and partner. Emmet will teach them good battling styles and team building. Though, if his children love trains just like him, they will learn every ounce of knowledge he can give to them.

○ He is absolutely enthusiastic about his kids' other interests! If they want to do art, he'll obtain them the best materials they need and offer to help bring attention to them should they want to go professional. If they want to do sports, he WILL make every game and be extremely obnoxious with a noisemaker. It is completely embarrassing for his children.

○ Affectionate dad. His kids will know how loved they are. Emmet gives the hugs regularly and keeps good physical contact with them. His children did not sleep on their own until his partner finally stepped in. The Subway Boss let them sleep in the bed with him every time they wanted to and cuddled them close.

○ Has a picture of his kids hiding in his coat during an unexpected rainstorm when they were younger. He thinks it's the cutest thing he has ever seen, and looks at whenever he feels a bit down or stressed. A family was always something he wanted, and he is completely happy to have it.

#pokemon ingo #pokemon emmet #subway boss ingo #subway boss emmet #not romantic hcs #i can do some romantic ones but my brain is currently mad at me because of dst #nonromantichcs

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

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the art of modernity [ prologue ]

prologue - jueyun karst

pairing: xiao x gn!reader warnings: canon-typical violence mention words: ~1.8k words fic masterlist [ prev ] - [ next ]

chapter summary: you drag four of your closest friends to jueyun karst to chase after possible traces of the adepti. none of them expect for you to actually find any, but hey, anything is possible, right?

a/n: can't believe 'making xiao eat a chicken nugget and french fries' is becoming an actual fic but here we are. enjoy !! :D

when you had asked yanfei the legal repercussions of disrupting jueyun karst, the entire brunch table had looked at you as if you had grown a third eye. kaeya had sat down the third mimosa he had been nursing, while childe had actually stopped speaking for once. yanfei giggled with intrigue and keqing had stared at you with an expression that screamed are you serious right now?

yet somehow, you had ended up in keqing's overcrowded car and made a road trip to fuel your farfetched dreams. sure, like any kid growing up, you had read percy jackson and the archons, but, unlike most kids, you had taken the myths of the archons seriously. shrines and ruins still sung praises of their names, but most liyuean mythology was treated as having no greater value than old folk tales. the world had moved on past the need of teyvat's expansive pantheon of the elemental archons, visions, and celestia, yet some scholars sought to prove the existence of the old gods. most of the time, their efforts were fruitless.

you, of course, were no scholar. you were simply a dumbass who graduated college and decided in their post-college/pre-settled life panic to go traverse the treacherous lands of jueyun karst. as prosperous as liyue was, jueyun karst still remained heavily untouched as there were areas that even rich moguls were scared to get their grubby hands on. why turn the beautiful mountains and swirling lakes into sprawling shopping centers if the entire area was rumored to be cursed anyways? so, the country had turned jueyun karst into a protected area in the form of a national park.

but now, with your car full of three and a half dumbasses (keqing certainly doesn't count and yanfei is only halfway to idiocy), you had decided to certainly ignore the title of protected area. you had full intentions of disrupting whatever you could get your grimy hands on. you wanted to see the adepti in action and, if others called you crazy for it, then so be it.

"gods, where even are we?" kaeya asks. his tone lacks the annoyance you would expect from childe nor the worried-yet-still-composed nature you would expect from keqing's words. so, you shrug him off with a simple wave of your hand.

"not really sure, but there's enough of us out here that we won't die, right?" you ask and kaeya stares at you blankly before turning to look behind the two of you at the three stragglers.

"keqing!" he calls, realizing that you are of no help. "where are we?"

keqing huffs as she approaches the two of you while yanfei and childe stagger behind her, both acting tired despite being some of the most athletic people you know. in typical keqing fashion, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a compass. kaeya stares as the compass needle spins around aimlessly in her hand, its connection clearly disrupted by some force in the area.

"oh gods, what does that mean? we're going to die. we're going to die out here," childe deadpans, panic creeping into his voice. yanfei swats him playfully on the arm before he can begin his usual theatrics, knowing full and well how childe loves living in the spotlight.

"dying in a protected national park is illegal," yanfei adds and kaeya stares at her with a baffled expression.

"what? are the police going to arrest a corpse?" kaeya asks incredulously and yanfei folds her arms over her chest, staring at him with narrowed eyes.

"didn't you want to be a cop at one point? shouldn't you be aware as to how arresting procedures work?" yanfei asks and kaeya recoils at her question.

"no, i was considering going into military like my dad. i don't wanna be a cop," kaeya shoots back and childe jokingly gags once he hears the word 'military'.

"military? yuck," childe says and becomes the next recipient to receive childe's incredulous gaze.

"didn't you literally join the fatui for two years?" kaeya asks but childe shakes his head.

"not like you have any proof," the ginger-haired man shoots back.

"i can easily acquire proof?" kaeya says, but keqing clears her throat loudly before the two men can engage in a full showdown of words.

"c'mon, guys, we have bigger problems to solve than childe's blatant lies," keqing redirects the conversation with ease but not before kaeya lets out a triumphant hmph at keqing's words. "like figuring out why this compass isn't working and figuring out how to get back because it doesn't work."

"ooh, maybe it's not working because there are ghosts nearby," childe says, but before yanfei and kaeya can engage with his dumbassery once more, you interject.

"it's likely just elemental energy or adeptal energy. i know you guys probably don't believe in them, but this is said to be the former realm of the adepti. wouldn't be surprised if there are traces of them left!" you say, voice far too cheery for the implication of your words. kaeya only shrugs at the suggestion that gods are watching over you as you travel through the park, yanfei only looks intrigued in a nearly-dangerous way, keqing looks nonplussed due to her strong belief that the gods no longer exist, and childe looks absolutely terrified yet is trying to act like he isn't.

"anyways," you continue. "maybe there's a domain!"

"ancient liyuean law forbids unauthorized entrance into domains without proper licensure from the adventurer's guild," yanfei says, as if knowing ancient law is a completely normal activity for a twenty-something-year-old.

"what is a domain?" keqing and kaeya ask at the same time before glancing at each other.

"i'm... not sure. pretty sure they have like... ancient monsters and stuff," you confess and, for the first time today, childe perks up excitedly, eagerly taking a step closer to you.

"monsters? like those uh... hollychirls? whatever they're called? how big do you think they are?" childe asks with an excited glimmer in his eyes.

"weren't you just worried about dying?" keqing asks, but childe ignores her question.

"so like... we're trying to find this domain, right?" childe asks, confused. "what are we looking for?"

"i don't really see why a domain would have adepti traces so we're probably better off looking for something else," you say and yanfei perks up.

"like that?" she asks, pointing off at something glowing faintly orange in the distance. you squint slightly in an attempt to better look at it, but you're unable to distinguish what exactly yanfei as pointing at.

"we might as well go see what that is," keqing says and you're slightly surprised for the purple-haired girl to suggest such a thing, but you figure she's just trying to find a place where her compass actually works. the spinning dial isn't too much of a concern for you since you're in no rush to leave, but the friends you've brought along aren't quite as keen on discovering the secrets of the adepti as you are, so you follow the herd as they begin to move over to the glowing orange light.

the five of you climb down, approaching what soon reveals itself as a stone pillar with a glowing chunk of cor lapis on top. it's certainly nothing new and is probably a protected relic, yet no guards are stationed in front of it. it's almost certainly been discovered before, so why isn't it..?

"oh, isn't this area usually flooded?" yanfei asks and everyone turns to stare at her.

"you've been here before?" keqing asks and you wonder to yourself when these people will stop asking questions and instead keep looking for hints.

"you guys haven't traveled to jueyun karst before?" yanfei asks, confused. "yeah, this area's usually flooded with water. i've never seen that thing before."

if it's usually flooded, then it was likely discovered before, but not relocated, you think to yourself and immediately break out in a sprint towards the cor lapis tower. sure, it was about the height of you, with the cubic chunk on top reaching the height of your head, yet you were more than satisfied with looking at the carvings on the side. childe is the first to catch up with you, using his long legs to match your pace. he sighs as you finally stop and watches as you frantically begin poking and prodding at the pillar.

"are you sure that's a good idea?" he asks, nervously. "what if it's a mechanism or something?"

"what's the worst that could happen?" you ask and childe sputters over his words.

"a lot of things!" childe insists, yet kaeya, keqing, and yanfei's joined arrival interrupts him from making an even bigger fuss.

"try putting your palm flat on the diamond," yanfei suggests and you take a step back. with a steady hand, you lays her palm flat against the side of the pillar, in which a diamond has been engraved onto its surface. around the group of you, the remnants of water begin to glow orange as the pillar emits an even stronger, unnatural glow of energy. the pillar begins to vibrate rapidly and yanfei lets out a small, knowing laugh while the rest of you watch, wide-eyed and confused by the moving pillar.

yet, all that happens is that the cor lapis situated on the top of the pillar falls off, landing on the side of the pillar with a resounding crack. the four of your friends immediately move over to look at the now shattered chunk of cor lapis on the ground, yet you gravitate towards the stone pillar. on the spot where the cor lapis fell, a single name is etched into the stone, as if this pillar is supposed to mark a specific area.

"'xiao'?" you breathe, reading off the word on the pillar.

"what's xi-" kaeya begins, glancing over at you, but before he can finish, a flash of green appears on the opposite side of your friends. your lips part in shock as you watch the deity appear before you. a mask rests on his face and a polearm rests in his hand, yet despite his disguised face, you can sense the anger rolling off his form in waves. his green hair ruffles in the wind as his free hand reaches up to lower his mask. infuriated amber eyes pierce into yours, but the adeptus speaks before you can.

"i am adeptus xiao. how dare you mortals infringe upon jueyun karst and disrupt my land?" xiao seethes and, for once, all five of you are silent as the yaksha points his polearm at you.

taglist:

@somemothgoingferal @miicachii @hq149 @albedostar @the-astrumnauta @falconcoast @dilucsz @transactionalrelationship @koko-cherry @dumpling-gif @shulkerdotjar @popdrop @seokflwr @solarpearl @tsubaki3192 @marifujioka @astronomeh @daichiri @cryspyjk @svnflowery @anseoo @rintaoreo @fuhuashandholder @squashbee

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#xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #xiao #genshin impact #//the art of modernity #//taom #axia's writing

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newtonsheffield · 2 years

Note

Any chance of some offside spice? You know Anthony enjoyed playing doctor with Kate after they get together

Oh I think Anthony very much enjoys playing doctor with Kate

It had been such a long day, travelling back from the conference, her chest aching, missing Anthony, even though she'd seen him just two days before. Even though she's sat in her hotel room every night, Anthony's voice murmuring in her ear as he talked her through her day.

And then, inevitably, he talked her through other things as well, his voice cracking and gasping,

"Use your hand with your ring on, so you can feel how much I love you, scream for me Kate, so everyone can fucking hear you."

Her hips grinding against the mattress, her left hand pinned underneath her as she imagined his lips on her neck, hands on her waist while he encouraged her against him, hot and hard and desperate, her own words ripping through her chest, I love you, Anthony I love you, Anthony Anthony, Anthony Fuck baby Fuck! Until she'd fallen apart, forcing her eyes open to watch her phone while Anthony's chest heaved on the screen and his stomach muscles tightened and he fell apart with their eyes locked together and he spent himself on their bed sheets.

"I can't fucking wait for you to get home." Anthony gasped, his grin a little sloppy as he looked at her. "I love you."

Kate hummed, still breathless, her eyes rolling "Very poor planning to ask me to marry you two days before I had to go away."

"I couldn't wait anymore, babe."

They'd finally confirmed their relationship, the morning after, the same picture on both their instagrams her on his shoulders in the middle of Etihad, wearing his jersey, his head tilted backwards so their lips met, her engagement ring blinding as her hand rested on his chin. And the entire world had blown up.

Photographers had followed her to the conference each day, she'd seen pictures of herself on newspapers, had people she didn't even know congratulating her, people calling out to her

Kate! Kate! Any comment on your relationship with Anthony? What does your Mum think? What's Edwina got to say

She'd cleared her throat and given the first public comment of their relationship with a wave

"Anthony and I are both very excited, thank you for your well wishes! if you could direct any further request for comment to the PR team at Hastings House, that would be great! Have a nice day!"

And all she wanted was to be back home with him now.

She had been impatient, the entire way home, the collar of her coat pulled up as she stopped at a service station near Birmingham, head down and-

"You're that doctor." The teenager behind the counter said a little suspiciously, sliding yesterday's newspaper towards her, flipped to the back page, her own picture staring back at her, her face twitching. "Marrying Bridgerton."

Kate nodded, her voice tight as she slid a packet of crisps and a can of coke across the counter, swiping her card. "That's me."

The teenager shifted a little uncomfortably, his eyes wide "It's just- I wanna play football one day, and um- He's kind of my favourite player."

It pulled her up a little short. She knew this was part of Anthony's life when she'd started dating him, people recognising him, idolising him, and it was one of his favourite things, nurturing young talent. She'd seen him at the open days with Kids, teenagers frowning seriously as he showed them things and it always made her heart clench.

"I um- I have his poster on my wall."

It pulled a smile to her lips, something settling in her chest, "That's sweet."

"What's he um- what's he like?"

Her bottom lip caught between her teeth, stupid tears stinging at her eyes, "He's pretty great. Even better than everyone says."

The boy nodded, smiling a little, "I really wanna go see City play, but my Mum and Dad can't afford it, so- I get to see Birmingham play sometimes."

Kate nodded, "You work here most days?"

He nodded.

"Can you write down the address here for me?" Kate said gently, "I'll have him send you something."

And when she left in the car, the little slip of paper tucked into her coat, she couldn't help but smile.

But By the time she got home, she was aching again, parking her car in the driveway, leaving her bags in the boot, and making her way inside.

"Anthony?" She called out the second she was inside, her heart hammering in her chest already. Nothing, well, not nothing.

Desperate little paws skidded across the hardwood as Newton came tearing around the corner, still a puppy, his ears flopping about as he lunged for her,

"Oh hey baby. Did papa look after you?" Newton's little tail wagged furiously, as she scooped him up making her way through the house. Anthony wasn't in the kitchen, or the living room, wasn't in the gym.

"Did he forget to put you in your room today?" Kate sighed, flopping against the mattress and-

"Mrs. Bridgerton, I'm afraid you're terribly late for your appointment."

Anthony was leaning against the doorway to their ensuite, his arms crossed over his chest, and it should have been ridiculous, but something jolted right through her anyway.

He had a white coat on, not one of hers, she noticed, his chest bare underneath, a pair of boxer briefs tight against him, a plastic stethoscope around his neck, a plastic head mirror on. And like she said, it should have been stupid, the love of her life wearing a children's costume, but the thought of it made her swallow convulsively, her thighs clenched together.

"I'm very sorry, Dr Bridgerton."

Anthony straightened himself with a sigh, moving closer to the bed "Well, I'm very busy."

"Maybe there's a way I can make it up to you." Kate said innocently, the words burning in her chest.

"Well, we'll have to see about that. Strip down for me."

Kate felt some of the buttons on her blouse pop in her hurry to undress, shimmying from her skirt letting them pool on the floor as Anthony stood over her, tugging at his stethoscope, his eyes burning into her as he looked down at her, putting the plastic ends in his ears, pressing it to her chest.

"Oh dear me, it's awfully quick." He hummed in her ear, "Almost as if you were... aroused by something."

His whole hand was on her chest, pushing her backwards onto the mattress, and she couldn't help but echo the same words he'd once told her,

"Doctors make me nervous."

Anthony snorted with laughter, his eyes shining up at her for a moment before his concentration snapped back, "Funny."

His lips were on her stomach, tongue laving over her, chilling a little in the air around them, his eyes caught with her as he slipped down her body.

"I'm afraid i'm going to be very thorough in my examination, Mrs. Bridgerton."

He slipped to the ground, tugging on her legs until they were slung over his shoulders, his stethoscope thrown across the room, his lips leaving light kisses on the inside of her thighs, teeth nipping up and up, teeth tugging her knickers down her legs with a delighted hum.

"I've missed you so much"

And he didn't give her a second to process it before he'd ducked his head, his tongue darting out to taste her in a firm, sure movement, pulling a gasp from her chest, her hand tangling in his hair, tugging him closer to her, pinning him in place. one of his hands was tight on her thigh, bruising the skin there, the other groping upwards into her bra, gripping and grabbing and tugging and claiming.

It was overwhelming, the feel of him in those first few moments, just as it had been the very first time, just as it always was, his powerful body completely at her mercy, completely devoted to her needs. Her wants, her desires. As though this was the only thing he wanted, to make her feel this.

His eyes never left hers, tension pulled tight between them, a groan building in his chest, vibrating against her, teeth grazing her, her hips grinding against him, moans and groans and whines and gasps tugged from her chest, echoing around the bedroom, and she couldn't help it.

It swept over her in a wave, stealing the breath from her lungs, a sharp cry from her throat as her thighs closed around Anthony's ears.

Anthony was grinning up at her when her eyes flew open, another kiss to her thigh, something burning in her chest at the sweetness of it.

Kate let out a sound caught between a groan and a growl, tugging Anthony to his feet by his hair letting him settle over her, letting herself feel the weight of him against her, the power of his muscles coiled tight, her legs wrapped around his waist, grinding against the hardness of him, before she rolled them, Anthony's hands settling on her waist to steady her with a desperate moan as her teeth nipped at his neck, at his chest, nipping and sucking while he encouraged her against him, through his underwear.

"I missed you too." Her voice sounded like a whine as his hands ripped at her bra, the lace tearing from her.

"Please Kate, please baby."

And suddenly his underwear was gone and they were moving desperately together, Anthony's eyes burning into his, one hand on her chest, the other encouraging her to move against him, Kate's own hands digging into his shoulders as she tugged him to sit, their chests pressed together, skin to skin, desperate to keep them this way forever- his voice cracking in her ear.

So good baby, that's it, that's it. Oh my- Holy Fuck Kate- Fuck Babe! Fuck! Fuck!

She could feel it building in her again, the heat lapping at her stomach in time with the burn of her muscles, the heaving of her chest, her sweat mingling with his as their teeth clashed and their lips met and their tongues tangled so fucking desperate and needy and close, the smell of them hanging in the air.

I'm so close babe, I'm so close.

Anthony's hips were bucking erratically, a whine in his chest, his teeth digging into his lip until he nearly drew blood, Hips snapping up into her once, twice and-

Fuck Kate!

It was pulled from his chest with a cry, his body shuddering against her, flooding her with warmth, and that was what she'd been waiting for apparently.

Her vision blurred at the edges, body convulsing with a sharp shout and they both went still.

Anthony collapsed back against the pillows, his arms cradling her softly, hands soft in her air, chuckling.

"What's your diagnosis?" Kate hummed, her eyelids heavy, her entire body warm and safe and satisfied.

"Mrs Bridgerton, I'm afraid, it's very serious." He said gravely, "You're terminally fucking hot." He slapped her arse lightly with a chuckle, ignoring the roll of her eyes.

"You know just because you asked me to be your wife doesn't mean I am your wife now right?"

Anthony hummed sleepily, "I just like how it sounds. practicing."

"I love you." She couldn't help it, revelling in the closeness of him, her fingers in the smattering of hair on his chest.

"Love you too, Katie." He hummed, his eyelids fluttering closed.

"I need you to sign a jersey, send it to a kid in Birmingham."

"If that's what you want, babe."

And finally they fell asleep together.

#offside au #spicy sunday🌶#kathony #anthony x kate #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #molly's asks and answers

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buckleyblueyes · 3 years

Note

ahh that's amazing! thank you in advance. I got this idea into my head: what if there is this one time they're all on a call, and maybe it's something that hits a little too close to home for Buck, maybe it's playing on his fears and insecurities, but the moment Buck sees what they're dealing with he gets SCARED, and freezes, and subconsciously grabs Eddie's hand, because Eddie makes him feel safe. He is his best friend (who he's in love with, ofc) after all. Eddie is well. Surprised. Very much.

Anon! Thank you so much for your patience with this one! I know it's been ages since you sent it in. I hope it's worth the wait and that I did justice to your prompt! (CW: drowning)

Eddie feels Buck tense up beside him as soon as Bobby tells them where they're going: Splash Zone Water Park. They have calls to pools fairly often, and Buck always gets a little bit tense going into it, no matter how long it’s been since the tsunami. Eddie presses his knee against Buck’s in the truck, offering a silent comfort to his friend. Buck seems to push down his fears by the time they pull up to the scene, forcing himself to shift into Firefighter Buckley mode as they make their way through the park. Eddie lets himself be relieved, until they arrive in front of the wave pool.

Of course it’s the goddamn wave pool. Even worse, there’s a nine year old boy laid out on the stone patio next to the pool, dripping wet, brown hair plastered to his forehead. He’s unconscious, bleeding from the side of his head, and his chest isn't rising and falling like it should be. Buck freezes immediately at the sight, reaching out for Eddie with his right hand, and wrapping his fingers around Eddie’s left wrist. It takes Eddie a moment to realize that Buck is feeling for his pulse, grounding himself.

Eddie does his best to steady his breathing and heart rate once he realizes what Buck is doing. The sight in front of them is upsetting to him, of course it is, but he knows it’s worse for Buck. He’s not the one who walked around for hours not knowing if Christopher was dead or alive. He’s not the one who almost died himself (at least, not that day.) “It’s okay,” he murmurs quietly, so only Buck can hear. “I’m here, I’m alive. That’s not Christopher.” It’s purely a medical call at this point, so he makes no attempt to move away from Buck as Hen and Chimney begin administering CPR to the boy. His mother is crying, wailing, begging them to save him. His lips are turning blue. Buck’s grip on Eddie’s wrist is like a vice.

“We got a pulse!” Hen finally calls out.

Buck’s grip doesn’t loosen, but Eddie does hear him let out of a heavy breath. He twists his hand out of Buck’s grip just enough that he can slide his arm up, so Buck is no longer holding his wrist, but is holding his hand. He gives Buck’s hand a firm squeeze and finally hazards a glance up at the man in question. Buck is staring at their intertwined hands now, confused. At least, Eddie decides, he’s distracted from the drowning boy. He runs his thumb along the back of Buck’s hand, in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.

He knows they’re crossing some kind of line here, that hand holding in the middle of an emergency scene (even one where their presence turned out not to be strictly necessary) is not something that he’ll be able to brush off as strictly platonic. It doesn’t scare him like it used to, though. Maybe it’s because he watched Buck date Taylor, so he knows how much worse it would be to not have Buck, or maybe it’s all the therapy he’s been in since the shooting. Either way, Eddie’s not afraid anymore. He and Buck have been on the edge of something--or maybe everything--for months, so if holding Buck’s hand will help ground him, keep his mind from thrusting him back in time, then it’s a risk Eddie is willing to take.

Hen and Chimney are loading the boy into the ambulance--he is breathing again, still unconscious and probably severely concussed, but alive--when Bobby finally makes his way over to them. He takes in the haunted look in Buck’s eyes, and the fact that their hands are still tightly clasped together, and frowns.

“You boys alright?” He asks, but he’s looking at Buck.

Buck nods slowly. “I--Yeah. Just...Brought up some bad memories.”

“This was a rough one,” Bobby agrees. “I’m gonna take us off rotation for a while when we get back to the station.”

“Thanks, Cap,” Eddie says. Buck doesn’t say anything.

Bobby smiles in that warm, fatherly way of his, looking between them. “Take care of each other.”

As if there’s any universe where they wouldn’t.

Eddie doesn’t let go of Buck’s hand until they get back to the station, and only because he needs two hands to cook.

“I’m not hungry,” Buck says, still hovering in Eddie’s space.

“You were about to eat before the call came in,” Eddie insists gently. “You need to eat.”

“And you’re gonna cook for me?” Buck shakes his head. “I think I’ll take my chances with starvation.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, pulling out a griddle and a clean spatula. “I think I can handle grilled cheese, Buck.”

Buck’s mouth opens and closes in surprise. “Grilled cheese?”

“Maddie may have mentioned making it for you a lot growing up.” Eddie flushes slightly at having to admit he’s talked to Maddie about Buck. “I thought it would be comforting.”

Buck stares at him, eyes wide and mouth turning up into a tentative smile. “Yeah, it is.”

“Good,” Eddie smiles back. “Now, go sit down.”

Eddie bustles about the kitchen, pulling out the good buttermilk bread that Chimney always buys instead of the whole wheat bread that Bobby puts on the list, the pre-sliced cheddar cheese, and the butter. “After we eat, how about we video call Christopher?” It’s late in the afternoon, he’ll be home from school by now.

Buck lets out a long exhale. “Yes, please.”

Eddie flips the bread slices on the griddle and places the cheese slices on the toasted side. “Great.”

“I--” Buck starts. “I didn’t know how to ask.”

Eddie looks up from the sandwiches. “How to ask for what?”

“To talk to Christopher,” Buck draws patterns on the tabletop with his index finger. “I know I’m not--He’s not mine.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything at first, just plates up the sandwiches, brings them over to the table, and sits down next to Buck, who takes a small, tentative bite.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“What?”

“You said Christopher isn’t yours,” Eddie picks up his sandwich, but doesn’t bite into it. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Buck is staring at him again, confused.

“Look, I don’t know what we are anymore, Buck,” Eddie admits. “Things are different between us now, and I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know that you love Christopher, and that he loves you just as much. If that doesn’t give you a right to call him, to reassure yourself that he’s okay, then I don’t know what does.”

“I…” Buck’s eyes fill with tears.

"It's okay, Buck." Eddie reaches over to wipe Buck's tears with his thumb. “Just eat your grilled cheese."

Buck does as he’s told, making it halfway through the sandwich in three bites. “You know, there’s no law that says we have to wait until we finish eating to call Christopher.”

Eddie raises a skeptical eyebrow, looking up from his own half-eaten lunch. “Will you actually finish eating if we call now?”

“Absolutely.” Buck takes a big bite to prove his point. “See?” He says, through a mouthful of food. Something so childish shouldn’t be so endearing, and yet, somehow it is.

Helpless, Eddie pulls out his phone. Carla answers on the second ring. “You better have a good reason for interrupting math homework.”

“I do.” Eddie assures her. “Can you put Chris on?”

Carla gives him a look, but does as he asks. Christopher is grinning--probably excited to have his math homework interrupted “Hi, Dad!”

“Hey, kid.” Eddie can’t help but return his son’s smile. “How’s the math homework going?”

Christopher’s smile falters slightly. “Oh, it’s good.”

Somehow Eddie doesn’t totally believe that, but it’s not important now. “Listen, I’ve got somebody here who wants to say ‘hi’, is that okay?”

The boy’s smile comes back even wider than before. “Is it Buck?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, loud enough that the phone can catch it. “It’s me.”

“Hand the phone to Buck, Dad!” Christopher is bouncing with excitement. “Hand the phone to Buck!”

He does, scooching his chair closer so he can still see the screen himself, and before Buck can even greet Christopher, the kid is launching into a monologue.

“Buck! Dr. Lassiter assigned us a big, semester-long project for science class, can you pleeeaaase help me with it? I want to build a model of the solar system, but it has to be totally accurate.”

The tension Buck's body has been holding onto since the phrase “water park” fell from Bobby’s lips is finally starting to fade.

“Absolutely. Do we want it to move?”

Christopher’s eyes widen on screen. “Yes!”

Buck laughs. “Well then, we’ve got our work cut out for us.”

Eddie smiles softly, as Buck and Christopher begin planning their project. He knows he must look like a lovesick fool, but to be fair, that’s what he is. He rests one hand over the crook of Buck’s elbow, and doesn’t miss the pink that appears across his cheeks.

“Alright, you three,” that’s Carla’s voice, “Somebody still has math homework to finish, and I’m sure you boys will have to get back to work soon.”

Eddie sighs. Carla is right, unfortunately. But Buck looks lighter than he has all day. “We better do what Carla says.”

“Will you come over after work?” Christopher asks. They won't get off until after Christopher will already be at school, so Buck will probably go to his loft after work. But Eddie doesn’t doubt now that Christopher has asked, Buck will manage to make it over to their house by the time Christopher is home from school. He wonders if it's too soon to ask Buck to sleep in his bed, instead of going to his loft at all. It's yet another line to cross, but at this point Eddie's lost track of all the lines they've crossed.

“You bet,” is Buck’s answer. “Now get back to your math!”

“Okay, dad,” Christopher says, rolling his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. It’s meant to be a joke at Buck’s expense, but Eddie can see the breath catching in Buck’s throat all the same, so he pulls the phone from his hand and takes over.

“Good-bye, Christopher! We love you!”

“Bye Dad! Bye Buck! I love you guys, too.”

Buck finds his voice again. “Bye Superman!”

“So,” Eddie says, putting the phone down. “Do you feel better now?”

“Eddie…” Buck hesitates, dropping his hand down so it rests over Eddie’s. His skin is warm and rough and unlike earlier Eddie can actually enjoy the feeling. “Thank you.” He’s thanking Eddie for more than just the grilled cheese and the phone call, and Eddie knows it.

His answer is simple. He turns his hand over, and interlocks their fingers. “Always, Buck.”

#buddie #buddie fanfic #buddie drabble #my fan fiction #prompt fill #anonymous

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gloryofluv · 3 years

Text

"Oh, Baby!" Time Traveling Child? Older Brothers Reaction to It Being Their Child.

The rain was absolutely horrendous so seeing a demonic version of yourself completely soaked and coddling a bundle was hard enough as it was. What the fuck? This probably is bad.

“Here! Please, I don’t have time! Take the baby, [Insert name] is the father! I’m sorry, I have to go!”

Future self. Time travel. Giant mess. Now… a toddler.

The Younger Brothers and Their Child

The Dateables with Their Child (Luke's reaction to Simeon's)

Lucifer’s Child-

Stunned. Confused. Enraged. Annoyed. The surface is neutral. The flames of hell burning inside. He will sip his tea as you dry off and explain thoroughly. The only giveaway that he has any emotion to this at all is the flickering of his eyes.

Appears indifferent… Until you hold it close and stop the child’s fussing. The gentleness. The sweet and utter calm that washes over you. Handsome boi is twitterpated fast. His demeanor softens, and he moves closer to speak to both of you. Yes. The new Moons in his Devildom.

The excellent thing about taking care of six younger brothers, he’s had to adapt swiftly. Begins a pristine plan for taking care of the child, with or without you. (He would be pissed if you said without you, just agree to take care of your child together, okay?) Even if the option is on the table to walk away, he would be devastated if you did. Utterly and whole-heartedly.

These plans take shape within hours. Akuzon orders arriving at expedited speed. Barbatos coming over with special nutritional needs for the child. He’s efficient and even started the remodeling of rooms at that time. The study now has children's toys and a safe playpen. The house has been baby-proofed overnight (It was already idiot-proof, so it wasn’t a far stretch).

His room now has a mock nursery. He actually insists you move in there temporarily so that you and the child have peace. That’s regardless of your relationship status. The minute your future self dropped his child on you was the minute he no longer could deny feelings had developed. He needs you close.

Good Luck keeping this demon from spoiling the shit out of your kid. He may be a disciplinarian, but his child will be spoiled rotten. Get ready to be the “No, they can’t have that, Lucifer! I don’t care how long you’ve been working today. They’re grounded, remember?”

But don’t get it wrong. His child will grow up being just as pristine, tenacious, and prideful as himself. Yep, you have your work cut out for you. Good Luck…

Mammon’s Child-

Say what? Huh? No… Wait. Huh? His baby?!

This demon would be in denial for the first two hours at least. By denial, it’s difficult to catch him up to how this all happened. Future? Demon? You and him??? What? Mammon’s crow brain lost the shiny for a quick minute there.

After. He would be a blushing mess. How? How is he supposed to overcome it all? Future you and him? His secret love? His heart and joy? The fire in his chest and wind in his wings? Que the heart eyes at the realization.

Has no plan. You will have to plan everything while he starts showing his child his room, the house, and rubbing it in his brothers’ faces. Yeah, his baby. The Great Mammon! His beautiful child. Swelling of pride and love just gripping at him.

Your plans will likely be trampled as you order the items you need, thanks to Lucifer’s help. Your room is now the baby’s room. Although, Mammon gripes about you not just moving everything to his room. Major complainer about it until you give in.

Spoiler with money he doesn’t have, however, starts to realize how lucrative the baby can be. Owwwww!! You have to chide him plenty about not selling your child’s photos. He’s just so damn sweet though and never wants to put them down! Sorry, you’ve now been replaced. At least for the cuddles.

However, don’t expect to get out of it that easily. Your station is in his bedroom now. You need something? Mammon’s gonna get it! You have your own half of the room. You and his wee one.

Chaotic dad. Loves hard. You’re going to need to help him get sorted and with the baby around and you being its other parent… Well, he really doesn’t have a choice! Quick learner, but easily distracted. Don’t expect him to ever discipline. Sorry, honey, you’re now a parent of two.

Plan for this baby to be just as excitable as its father. However, with your coaching, the greed might taper a bit… hopefully???

Leviathan’s Child-

Fainted. Is he dead??? No. Just this happened in an anime with a very long name and similar plot. He figured he was already dreaming or something!!! Tries to equate how you both had a child if you never… did normie stuff before!

Takes probably the most amount of time to be explained to. Not because he doesn’t get it. No… he just has a hard time believing you would want a baby with a disgusting Otaku!!! You eventually do calm him down.

By that time, Lucifer has already made a list. He gives it to him with a stern expression that clearly reads, “Don’t fuck this up, bro.” Levi is still a bumbling mess, and no, please stop asking him to hold it. What if he drops it? What if he scares it? What if he smells? Please don’t let this baby reject him…

He’s a trial-by-fire type. You have to force him to let you move in to take care of the baby around him. You have to nearly break his fingers to hold the baby… but when he does. Oh. He’s in love! So cute and sweet, and it's both of yours??? You mixed with him? This is so amazing and wonderful!

Has the least resistance to you taking control of the baby’s needs and telling him what to do. He’s clueless and wanting to soak up each and every moment with both of you. Easiest to coach about routine and plans as well. He sees it as a reality-virtual-reality game! Tasks, rewards, tasks, achievements!

Possessive. Don’t plan on his brothers holding the baby for the first several months. No one but both of you will. Also, don’t even think he won’t master the art of quelling the horrible crying either. Tail rocking is the best, and Little Henry 3.0 would agree!

Baby will be your demon, but don’t expect him to not get a bit jealous. He wants his child to know they’re his player three in life as well!

#accidental baby acquisition #obey me fandom #om! headcanons #obey me headcanons #om! lucifer #om! mammon #om! leviathan #om! mc #obey me humor

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thisissirius · 3 years

Note

fight me, siri

a place for us [ao3 link] eddie/buck, mid-episode for rage

Eddie stares at the phone.

There’s a cop standing just behind his left shoulder, he’s grateful it’s not Athena, looming and reminding Eddie he doesn’t have long. He should call his abuela, in case he can’t get out in time to pick up Chris. He could call call Lena, ask her to bail him out. He can’t call Buck.

The fucking lawsuit.

The anger settles low in his stomach, threatening to boil over. What right does Buck have to drag their personal shit into the open? To let Mackey at it like he deserves to tear apart their decisions and use it against them?

Eddie shouldn’t call Buck, it’ll only lead to a fight.

Picking up the handset, he dials one of the only numbers he knows by heart and touches his forehead to cold stone, hoping his call is answered.

“Hello?”

Eddie swallows. “It’s me.”

“Eddie?” The sound of a couch rustling, the familiar slow intake of breath. “Where are you?”

It’s a bad idea, but Eddie can’t stop himself blurting out, “i need you to bail me out of jail.”

Silence.

“I know I shouldn’t call—”

“I’ll be there in ten.”

The dial tone rings in Eddie’s ear.

When Eddie gets outside of the station, there’s a familiar truck in the parking lot.

Part of him wants to ignore it, to satisfy the rage curling low and angry in his belly and find something else to punch. Part of him wants to wrench open the door of the truck and—

Except.

Opening the door, Eddie climbs inside and tries not to make eye contact. “Thanks for coming.”

“Sure,” Buck says. He sounds angry, and when Eddie risks a glance, his jaw is tight. He’s furious, which just makes Eddie angry. What right does he have to be mad at Eddie? It’s his fault Eddie even— “Where do you wanna go?”

The anger stagnates and Eddie buckles in, stares back at the station. There’s a reason he’s called Buck, made the choice to reach out. “Chris is at a sleepover.”

Buck nods, fingers tightening on the wheel.

“Can we,” Eddie starts, fights the urge to snap something angry, fights to keep his tone calm. “Can we go to yours?”

Head snapping right, Buck raises an eyebrow. “Are you serious right now?”

Eddie doesn’t bother answering, lets Buck make up his mind. He fiddles with the phone in his pocket, trying not to check whether Chris has called. He wants Chris to have fun, but there’s always an undercurrent of worry left behind. The truck is tense, silence dragging out into something dangerous. Eddie wants to break it, to snap at Buck for everything he’s doing, for making everything wrong when Eddie’s already struggling to keep his shit in line.

The truck comes to a stop and Eddie’s startled to see they’re at Buck’s apartment. He doesn’t know what to say.

“Get your ass out the truck or I’m locking you in,” Buck says, slamming the door.

Eddie bites back his own retort—Buck’s bailed him out and he doesn’t know how he’s gonna pay Buck back for it—and clambers out of the truck. Buck’s at the door to his apartment block, holding the door open, his back to Eddie. It’s a dismissal that has Eddie bristling, and he storms after Buck into the building.

“Why’d you bring me here?” Eddie asks, when he shuts the door behind them. Buck’s angrily wrenching beers from the fridge and Eddie feels ungrounded, like he’s the only one with a right to be angry and can’t understand why Buck’s—

“You asked me to bring you here.” Buck slams a bottle on the counter. “Just like you asked me to bail you out of jail, Eddie, what the fuck!”

The anger is back, bubbling up, and Eddie snaps, “You don’t get to judge me.”

“My money’s the reason you’re standing here right now.” It’s a warning tone that Eddie barrels right over.

“If I knew you’d hold it against me, I’d have called somebody else.”

“Who?”

Eddie snaps his mouth shut.

“This is gonna fuck up my case,” Buck says, holding up a hand when Eddie starts to retort. “Shut up, Eddie. This is gonna fuck up my case and I came anyway.”

Eddie snorts. “So what, I should be thankful? You shouldn’t even have been suing us—“

“I want my job back,” Buck says. It’s quiet, exhausted, and it stifles some of the anger. Eddie looks at him, really looks; Buck’s deflated, tired, drawn. How is it that just a few weeks ago, Buck and Chris were in a tsunami and now they’re here, everything breaking and running away from Eddie faster than he can make it stop? “I just want to come back and Bobby won’t let me.”

“Buck,” Eddie says.

Buck clenches his hands into fists, rests them on the counter. “What excuse do you have?”

“It’s not an excuse,” Eddie snaps, and then shakes it off, turns around and stalks towards the couch. He needs to stop, to get control of himself. Fuck. He punched someone.

“Eddie,” Buck says, and there’s something about his tone that forces Eddie to look. “You were booked for assault.”

Eddie sits on the couch, rubs at his face. “He was being a dick about Chris.”

The story tumbles from him, because he needs someone to hear, to understand.

There’s a ripple of fury on Buck’s face. “What the fuck is wrong with him?”

“I punched him,” Eddie says with a shrug. Then, thinks about it. “Fuck, I punched him.”

Buck sits on the coffee table, to the left of Eddie. His hands between his legs, toying with a frayed thread on his sweatpants. “What’s going on with you?”

Eddie doesn’t answer. How does he even begin trying to put shit into words? “Nothing.”

“Eddie.” Buck looks up, his eyes wide, and fuck, Eddie hates how unmoored he feels around Buck sometimes. “I never wanted this.”

“Yeah,” Eddie scoffs, leaning back against the couch. “Well now you have it.”

Silence stretches between them again and Eddie fidgets, pulls his phone from his pocket. The anger coasts and he knows if he tugs at it, he could use it to hurt Buck, to tear him apart like Eddie wants to.

Except.

Eddie doesn’t want to. He’s tired, too. He just wants things to make sense, to be right. “He misses you.”

Buck winces, drops his head. “I didn’t mean for things between us to go wrong.”

“What did you think would happen?”

Shrugging, Buck’s jaw tightens again and he stares off towards the kitchen. “Bobby’s the reason I can’t come back.”

Eddie frowns. “What?”

“You said chain of command,” Buck says, sounding hoarse, and he looks back. “Bobby told me I couldn’t come back. That the department said it was okay, but he didn’t think I was ready.”

Something stirs in the back of Eddie’s head. “Why?”

Buck shrugs again.

“Hey,” Eddie says, feeling some of the anger bleed into frustration on Buck’s behalf. “Did he say why?”

“I don’t know,” Buck says, and Eddie hears everything he’s not been saying. The confusion, the hurt, and he’s angry at himself all over again. He’s been so busy and wrapped up in his own shit, with Chris, that he’s never thought to think about Buck. Buck, who’s lost his job, his family, and his confidence.

Sliding forward, Eddie reaches out, expecting a flinch, and when he doesn’t get one, feels relieved for reasons he can’t explain. “I’m sorry.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Buck stares at him.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, sounding wrecked. “I was so concerned with being mad, I didn’t even think.”

“It’s okay.”

“No,” Eddie says, squeezing Buck’s knee. “It’s not. You gotta stop letting us off the hook when we hurt you, man.”

Buck's look is wry. “I’ll let you off the hook for that if you tell me what the fuck you were doing punching someone.”

It’s so easy to feel the low burn of anger, of failure. Eddie’s been riding it this whole time, trying to exist in a world threatening to drown him.

“Eddie,” Buck says, reaching out and touching Eddie’s hand. He’s hesitant, apprehensive, so Eddie turns his hand palm up, lets Buck tangle their fingers together.

Staring at their linked fingers, Eddie swallows hard. “Shannon wanted a divorce.”

The words fall between them.

“Shit,” Buck mutters, squeezing Eddie’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m so angry all the time,” Eddie says. He hates being this vulnerable, this weak, but it’s a lot and he can’t stop the words tumbling out now he’s started. Buck’s holding him tight, fingers squeezing hard enough Eddie imagines his fingers breaking. Imagines himself crumbling beneath Buck’s touch and he gasps out the rest, eyes wet. “I let her back in, let her see Chris and I knew, I knew it wouldn’t be enough, you know? It wasn’t enough, it wasn’t, she died, Buck, but she was gonna divorce me.”

Buck’s silent.

“I wasn’t enough,” Eddie says eventually. “I just wanted to be enough. So that Chris could be happy.”

A hand touches his face, fingers gentle, and he looks up, meets Buck’s eyes. “Chris is mourning his mom,” he says quietly. “He’s suffered a tsunami, he’s mourning his mom, but he’s happy, Eddie. Or at least he will be.”

“How do you know?” Eddie whispers, afraid that if he talks any louder, the words will prove he’s as weak as he feels.

“Because of you,” Buck says. His voice is certain, hard in a way that forces Eddie to pay attention. “You’re a good dad, Eddie. Sure, you’ve just been arrested,” Eddie huffs a reluctant laugh, revels in the smile on Buck’s face, “but you’re a good dad.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, shaking his head.

“Hey.” Buck squeezes his hand, the fingers against Eddie’s face sliding around to his neck, thumb to Eddie’s jaw. “You’re the best thing in that kid’s life.” A pause. “In mine.”

Eddie freezes.

“After Chris,” Buck says quickly, cheeks pink. “You’re my best friend, Eddie. Whatever that means.”

“A lot,” Eddie says, truthfully. “I haven’t had a best friend before,” he continues. “Not sure if I know how to be. Sometimes I think I do, then others—”

“Yeah.” Buck sounds like he understands.

Sometimes Eddie wants to kiss Buck. To drag him in, hold him close and never let him go. The words won’t leave Eddie’s mouth, stuck somewhere down his throat, threatening to choke him.

Buck shifts again, until he’s sitting opposite Eddie. He takes a breath, touches their foreheads together. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Eddie admits.

Buck’s eyes are really fucking blue. He’s beautiful in ways Eddie’s never let himself see.

“Shannon died,” Eddie says eventually. “I don’t think I’m over it.”

“I know.”

“I want to be.”

Buck stares at him, expectation heavy between them.

“I want to kiss you.” The words are quiet. Eddie takes a breath, meets Buck’s eyes. “Sometime. When we’re both ready.”

“Okay,” Buck says.

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Buck’s face breaks into a smile. It’s small, tentative, but bright. Eddie wants to drag more out of him, ones that light up his whole face.

There’s another pause and Eddie breaks first, tugs him in. Wrapping his arms around Buck, Eddie lets out a soft sigh. “Thanks, Buck.”

Buck’s arms come up to Eddie’s back, his nose against Eddie’s neck. “For what?”

Eddie huffs. “Bailing me out? Talking some sense into me.”

“What are best friends for?”

Pulling back, Eddie touches Buck’s face, thumb against Buck’s bottom lip. “Hopefully more than that.”

Buck’s smile is wide, a familiar look on his face. “Eventually. If you earn it.”

Eddie’s startled into a laugh and he drops his chin to his chest, grinning.

“Hey,” Buck says, squeezing Eddie’s arm. Eddie lifts his head and raises his eyebrows. “Either way, I love you.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. Then, with certainty, says, “I love you too.”

#911 fic #buddie fic #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #fic by me #alicia!!!#my darling #have a fic #buttercupbuck

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featherfur · 3 years

Text

Meng Yao should have been around when Jiang Cheng was running around with his head cut off trying to make disciples out of rogues and convince everyone to get started on the war. I just think he’d see this, probably manic, idiot who needs help and is 100% willing to be bossed around and who really doesn’t care about Meng Yao station in life because he’s just fucking desperate and wants to die but can’t because Yanli and just go “actually I’m interested”. Because Jiang Cheng would riot if he knew Meng Yao wanted to go back to his dad, and well Jiang Cheng is very pathetic when he thinks he’s being left behind (“You’re leaving me for the Jin just like Shijie? Tears and loud words for you! Tears and loud words dor a thousand years!”)

And Meng Yao would have a spot in Lotus Pier where he is VERY clearly wanted, he probably doesn’t become sworn brothers with anyone (or LXC and NMJ realize that no one needs to give the Jin any more influence and become sworn brothers with Jiang Cheng) unless it’s Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (unfortunately WWX will still probably be killed or hunted at the very least but atleast Qin Su is alive? Maybe having MY around will help calm JC into the fact that LWJ wants to bang his brother and help him so JC can convince WWX to let LWJ atleast play for him, then maybe WWX can accidentally let slip about him already destroying one half and LWJ can help destroy the other half… Dunno if the Wen Remnants survive either sorry, honestly I don’t know if anyone can stop JGS in the long run)

So there’s two ways this goes: (under read more I have Thoughts)

Meng Yao DOES go to the Jin Sect still because JC gets wanting your Dad’s Approval even when he’s a dick AND he protects Yanli who immediately adopted him when JC showed up to the war with him. Without being stuck between a Rock and a Hard place (sorry NMJ not everyone is a annoyingly stubborn with their morals as you and MY is being hurt :( leave him alone :(( ) MY is able to continue being pressured without breaking and even though JGS keeps trying to get him to manipulate JC, MY won’t and won’t manipulate NMJ either and every time he goes to Lotus Pier to ‘look into’ the Jiang Sect he actually just spends the week being plied with children and listening to Jiang Cheng explain the fashion industry Again and talk about silks vs cashmeres vs wool so he just gets a vacay and is more prepared to stand up against his dad.

Also JC and Yanli catch on pretty quick to Madam Jin abusing MY because they were there after Madam Yu would hurt WWX and they know the signs of trying to hide the pain and Yanli suddenly starts Show Up whenever Madam Jin tries anything because that is her Didi now and she will protect him and if anyone ELSE tries to mess with him she will rip them apart like when Jin Zixun tries to bother WWX.

JGS does eventually manage to frame something on WWX but MY intervenes immediately by telling JC the truth and without the ‘did my kinda insane PTSD ridden brother so this?” Panic thoughts JC gets his people and is waiting for the force of Jin and smaller sects, with his two sworn brothers on either side. Because yeah NMJ absolutely hates the Wen but can he really ignore LXC and JC? Plus NHS on the side? He’s only there to protect WWX, anyone else can get fucked and even then he’s only protecting WWX because JC asked him too because NMJ thinks WWX sucks for choosing the wens because he’s very much of the one track ‘the wens suck’ mind. MY pretends he has no idea what’s going on but he does summon Jin Zixuan on ‘accident’ who shows up, annoyed he had to leave his kid, and is like “are we really going to accuse Nie Mingjue, known Wen hater, of protecting Wei Wuxian and lying about his innocence? Because his sword is the same size as my body and I’d rather Not”

(okay he’s more polite and subtle but that’s the gist) somehow Jin Guangshan dies, I’m voting Yanli poisoned him because I think Meng Yao is 100% willing at this point to simply take the abuse because Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen aren’t essentially telling him to murder his father and that he’s stupid for not holding harder to his morals (sorry NMJ,,, you just,, I love you but MY is hurting and he’s not as stabby as you) NMJ is still very much crankily telling him his dad sucks whenever they meet but Jiang Cheng gets all sparkly whenever MY is around because MY will say he’s Doing Good, so there’s only so much room before JC start just biting anyone who even looks at MY wrong. (NMJ says he’s proud of JC once and JC just starts crying and NMJ UnderstandsTM why MY won’t leave him alone)

But Yanli has to be the one to kill him because MY wouldn’t because he’s a filial son and probably hasn’t lost his hope he will be Loved, Jin Zixuan wouldn’t because he’s like the only one in the entire show not down with murder, Madam Jin is not about to give up the power and money that comes from being the wife of Jin Guangshan even if JZX would take care of her because Yanli clearly is willing to rip everyone apart who fucks with her family and unlike Jiang Cheng is willing to change the status quo, and if JGS dies on a hunt they’ll blame WWX so Yanli just poisons him slowly and he dies from ‘illness’. JZX takes power, Meng Yao is told he’s amazing twelve times a day because JZX can do busy work and argue against anyone but he cannot have a small talk conversation to save his life. Life continues peacefully, Jiang Cheng keeps kidnapping JZX’s advisor because he misses him. Meng Yao knows how to control literally every single great sect but he’s busy chasing down his nephews and helping Jiang Cheng avoid marriage offers to do anything.

Once Jin Guangshan died, LXC and MY both swooped in to have the Wen Remnants moved somewhere else to ‘civilize’ them (using LXC’s own words here) and WWX is very much caught between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji arguing over who he’s going home with and he’s honestly never felt more Loved TM. WWX spends six months to break the rest of the tiger rally under the grumpy/watchful eye of NMJ who still isn’t happy anyone from the Wen’s is still alive but he’s weak to puppy eyes and also when he’s being strong armed by his sworn brothers, MY, and NHS (though he still keeps an eye on the actual cultivators, he’s pretty much forgotten the rest of the Wen Remnants exist he just cares about the ones who know how to use a sword). Wangxian happens, idk how I’m voting for a wild Jingyi another orphan decides that he wants to meet the Purple Angry Man and body slams into WWX’s legs trying to get to the Purple man and LWJ catches him and it’s a full on romantic moment of staring into each other’s eyes while Jiang Cheng makes disgusted noises and Meng Yao pats his hand and just tells him to accept it.

Or Meng Yao stays in Lotus Pier because Jiang Cheng has problems and Meng Yao loves a messy loudmouth aggressive bitch with a secret heart of gold. Also Jiang Cheng is the exact kind of Demi-aroace dummy to not realize Meng Yao has a crush on LXC and keeps sending him over to Cloud Recesses to help with trade or something and MY gets to hang out with his crush constantly.

MY is Jiang Cheng’s personal advisor since WWX is currently refusing to process his trauma and staying in a very traumatic place. MY does try to help but WWX doesn’t trust him and probably only half trusts him around JC, BUT MY is very good with kids and helps work with JC on how to slip WWX supplies while negotiating directly with Nie and Lan without Jin glaring over him this time, and Jin Zixuan is more than happy to help when he can because again he’s just like the only one with modern morals and wants Lotus Pier to be strong since if all the sects fall then well the fucking demons/ghosts they hunt will eat them. So WWX is slowly atleast not ready to kill him, Meng Yao finds out WWX already destroyed half the Tiger Tally and tries to get him to let NMJ and LXC help him destroy it further (because that ties the three sects closer and so WWX won’t just stab someone if someone isn’t happy about the Wen’s existing)

Yanli poisons Jin Guangshan again because I think that’s the best way for him to go, Meng Yao does grieve but also that lasts for three minutes before Jiang Cheng shows up with some children he found in Yunmeng and Meng Yao needs to explain to him again that just because the kid latches on doesn’t mean you can take them home. But with JGS out of the way it’s a lot easier to strong arm NMJ into letting the Lan take the remnants (JC and NMJ still aren’t happy about it but NMJ can’t fight the three other sects and JC is getting his brother back and he’ll take the Wen living if that means WWX is too) and WWX returns to Lotus Pier. The truth of the golden core comes out probably via WWX having a flashback or panic attack or something (or that one theory of Yanli knowing,,,) words happen, WWX storms off to find LWJ.

Meng Yao wonders why he likes messy cry babies but still helps out Jiang Cheng because they’re technically brother in laws and also because he really does care about him. Wangxian happens and now Jiang Cheng is really pissed but WWX also said he wasn’t going to just up and leave so they’re on a rotating system but honestly everyone’s just waiting for them to move permanently to Lotus Pier because Lan Wangji has this giant hole in his heart for kids who love Wei Wuxian and Lotus Pier is filled with kids who are Jiang and therefore are insane ans love WWX.

Personally I think this one is the least likely but it sounds very nice right?

#the untamed #mdzs #Jiang Cheng #Meng Yao #Jin Guangyao #fix it #sorta #Lan Xichen #Nie Mingjue #Jiang Yanl #Wei Wuxian #read more #don’t take any of this seriously lmao pls I’m just fucking around

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse, torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

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Next update: May 5th, 2021

#Spencer Reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #babymetaldoll writes #cm fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #Emily prentiss #Aaron Hotchner #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #penelope garcia #emily prentiss #babymetaldoll edits #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction

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istanleyff7 · 3 years

Text

TOTP, Episode Aerith, Scenes 5-9

Final Fantasy VII Remake: Traces of Two Pasts Episode 2: Aerith Scenes 5 - 9

A Light Novel by Kazushige Nojima Translated by Stanley (@istanleyff7 on twitter)

Scene 5

"My mother immediately took out a syringe after sitting on the bench and injected herself. I was startled."

"That must have been rough..."

There was compassion in Tifa's eyes and voice.

According to her definition of a mother, Ifalna would be a "really good-natured person". However, she was different back then.

"Even though I knew she wasn't well, I only worried about myself."

"You were a child..."

"I know..."

Aerith fell silent. It cannot be helped since she was just a child. Thus, there were a number of regrets that she did not want to simply put away.

"Ah! My bad, my bad! Shall I continue?"

"Sure. Please."

"The medicine worked, and we walked on for hours in the Sector 4 Slums, taking a break at times. Then we saw an information board that said ‘Sector 5 Slums’."

Scene 6

"Mummy, it says this is the Sector 5 slums. The house is in Sector 3, isn't it?"

"Nope. This is fine."

"But the new house is in Sector 3, right?"

"Aerith, let's hurry up a little. It's going to be nighttime."

"Where are we going? Where are we hurrying to?"

Without answering, Ifalna tightly grasped Aerith's hand and hastened her steps.

Many questions surfaced. Eventually, Ifalna started speaking silently.

"I've heard that there's a church in the Sector 5 Slums. In the past, people gathered here and prayed to God, but nobody comes here anymore. I've been thinking that we should hide here a little..."

"I've heard about God! Does he really exist?" Aerith was surprised.

"According to his believers, he does. I heard that when they pray, they get empowered."

"Pray...?"

"It's something like us Cetra speaking to the planet, although I don’t really understand it. But, since no one is coming to the church anymore, there probably aren't any believers. It's too bad for God, but it seems like it's great for our situation."

"We'll wait for Fuzz at the church?"

Ifalna stayed quiet for a while, then shook her head.

"We can't cause any more trouble than this."

"What about the new home?"

"We will not live there."

"Fuzz would be disappointed, wouldn't he?

"He probably will be."

"Are you okay with it, Mama?"

"As long as you're around, I'm okay."

Aerith thought that those were surprisingly comforting words. But that didn't mean that she didn't feel bad for Fuzz, nor had she gotten over the guilt of betraying him. However, after the thought that she didn't have to live seeing injections, medicine and backhand kisses, she felt a sense of relief.

"Let's go to the station first. I only know the way from there."

"Should we ask someone?"

"Nope. We don’t want anyone to know our whereabouts."

↞↠

There are times when there's not enough sunlight in the slums, as the plate was blocking them out. A giant lamp called the sun lamp makes up for that shortage. However, the light that was seen in the morning and afternoon was just like the actual sunlight. While she was amazed at her mother’s explanation, she also felt anxious. The evening was drawing near. She felt that something terrifying would happen if they didn't make it to church by sundown. A terrifying thing that she, too, couldn't imagine.

"Aerith, that looks like the station."

Aerith looked over. A train was about to depart. Unlike the Sector 4 Slums Station, Sector 5's Slums Station seemed like a small station with only a platform. There were probably a few commuters departing from the trains, and there weren't many passers-by too.

"Alright then, which way should we..."

Should we go? Those were the words she probably was going to say.

Without finishing her sentence, Ifalna sluggishly collapsed to the ground.

"Mummy?!"

Aerith's voice gathered the looks of her surroundings. However, nobody moved over to help.

Ifalna's breathing was heavy, and after touching her, Aerith realised she had a fever. A high fever.

"Mummy, where's your medicine?"

"I've... used them all..."

It was a desperate situation. What should Aerith do?

“Are you alright? Mummy?”

Ifalna said something from her painful breath. Aerith couldn’t hear it, so she brought her ears close to her lips. She only felt a hot sigh in her ears. What should she do? What should she do? Aerith's head became loaded with "What should I do". Her mother uttered something again, and Aerith heard that she's alright. But she was definitely not alright. However, what should she do? She wondered if anyone could help them, like how someone did at the Sector 4 Slums Station. Aerith lifted her head and looked for someone who seemed like they could help, but no one was paying attention to them. Would you please help us? Would you please look over here? These words come and go in Aerith's head. My mummy is sick. She has a fever. Please help us. Please, help us, please! However, she couldn't speak out.

"I'm sorry..." Ifalna muttered out. "We were... in the middle of an adventure..."

Please do not say such words.

"No!"

Her emotions overflowed in her voice.

“Are you sick?”

Looking back, there stood a man in faded and dirty clothes.

"Let's move her over there. She's blocking the way here."

Without waiting for a reply, he sprang into action.

He inserted his hands under both sides of Ifalna, lying face up, and started to back away.

Ifalna was being pulled along and had her shoe fall off her foot. Aerith picked the shoe up and gave them chase.

"Be more gentle!"

The man didn't change his expression and continued to pull her along. He sat her leaning against the station platform.

"Call a doctor."

"Where can we find one?"

"I don’t know, if it were me, I would shout out loud to find one."

The man turned back, and he really shouted out.

"Is there a doctor!"

However, there was no response.

"Well, all the best."

And just like that, the man went off without looking back.

"Oh, my goodness."

A well-dressed man and woman came over and looked at Ifalna scrutinisingly.

"Are you doctors?"

"No, we're not."

"That person, is she your Mama?"

"Shouldn't we quickly call out for a doctor?"

"Don't you have any medicine?"

While listening to both of them, her mother's words came to mind. The truly good people are those that act on it and give help. The people here weren’t them.

"Mummy wait here. I'm calling a doctor over."

Aerith ran while looking as though she was being crushed by anxiety.

"Is there a doctor?"

She exclaimed in the direction of a lot of people.

"Is there a doctor?"

Looking back, she was a long way away from the station. She then heard the voices of men and women. It was a cheerful-like group who walked over. She decided to ask them, and if that didn't work, she would head back to the station. Aerith ran.

She was about to ask them was there a doctor. Then she saw a youth turning around and coming close to her.

"Hey, I've told you so!" the man continued walking back towards her. "And yet..."

Aerith hurriedly tried to avoid him but did not make it in time, the man's butt struck her face, and she fell over. The men and women gathered their gaze on Aerith.

"Go home and sleep, kid!" exclaimed the man who bumped into Aerith, and his friends burst out laughing.

She absentmindedly got up while hearing the laughter of the leaving group. She felt frustrated, sad, angry and miserable.

"Are you alright?"

Aerith looked back, and there was a woman who seemed to look over worriedly. The simple, tied up hair behind her head swayed.

"I'm okay. Do you know a doctor?"

She noticed that she herself was crying and wiped away her own tears.

"I live in the outskirts, so I don't know any doctors around here."

Aerith gave her thanks and started to walk away. Whenever she was asked whether she was alright, she only could reply that she was alright. She wondered how many times she asked her mother that.

"Mummy. I'm sorry..."

Aerith ran towards the station.

Upon returning, she saw that her mother's body was covered with a blanket. A "good person" must have appeared and covered her with it. However, seeing her mother's painful state, she felt as though her chest became crushed. Her fever was so hot, she couldn’t even keep touching her.

"Mummy."

Even after she called out, Ifalna was still looking at the vast sky.

"Aerith. Are you here?"

"I'm here."

Ifalna's eyes searched for Aerith, and she grabbed her.

"This..." Ifalna pulled out a small pouch from her clothes and held it out.

"I got this from my dad, who got it from his mum, who also got it from her mum. It's not good for anything at all, but it has always been around, connecting us Cetra."

Aerith's chest became flaring hot.

"No. I don't want it."

If she takes it, it'll all be over. She had a strong hunch.

"Well... My life is ending soon. I'm returning to the Planet."

Ifalna's hand that was holding out the bag was trembling, and then it finally fell.

"Don't be sad. Even from here on out, I'll be by your side"

"Mummy."

"Are you alright?"

The voice came from above. She looked up towards the voice, and it was a woman, the same woman who called out to Aerith when she fell.

All of a sudden, Ifalna moved. She raised her upper body and grabbed the woman's arm.

"Take... Aerith... somewhere safe."

She said it with such a powerful voice that made Aerith wonder where she left that strength.

However, in the next moment, Ifalna's body became empty. Her spirit left her body, leaving her flesh and bones without its' host.

"Ah..." Aerith muttered without thinking.

Aerith repeated her mother's words in her head. Don't be sad. I'm returning to the Planet. I'll be by your side. Connecting us. She knew. Even though she knew, her chest still stung. Her tears were flowing down, and she let out her cry. Her body hurt and was also trembling. Someone was stroking her back.

Suddenly, the surroundings became busy. Aerith lifted her head and saw a train slipping into the platform with a roaring sound.

"Let's leave here."

The woman said as she firmly pulled Aerith's hand, forcing her up her feet. Aerith quickly picked up the pouch.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

The woman pulled Aerith's arm as she hurriedly tried to leave the station. She remembered being pulled by Ifalna and crossing the railway tracks. She wondered where this hand would take her.

Mummy, goodbye.

From here on out, they'll probably still be together. That was probably right. However, Aerith would not be able to feel that body anymore. She was not allowed to feel that body anymore because the form of her mother's life was different.

"Mummy!"

She turned back and yelled out to her mother, but the pull of her hand became stronger. She saw that the train stopped. When the door opened, Shinra troopers and men in white coats vigorously alighted.

"Let's run."

When the woman saw that Aerith wasn't moving, she picked her up roughly and started running.

↞↠

When they eventually approached the centre of the slums, the woman finally lowered Aerith.

"Are you able to walk?"

Aerith nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry I couldn't properly let you say goodbye."

Aerith shook her head.

"I'm truly sorry that I had to leave your mother there and head off."

The woman had a sincerely apologetic look on her face. Aerith nodded again.

"You poor thing."

"My mother only just returned to the Planet, so I'm not sad."

"Ahh... It seems that there are people who do think of it that way. Even so, it's sad to be separated, isn't it?"

"Nope. It is because I can still meet her."

"I see. Well then, firstly, let's go to my house, shall we? When you're there, you can cry all you want."

Scene 7

"But I didn't cry at all."

After Aerith said that, Tifa gave her a dubious-like look.

"My house, you've been there before, right? The one in the Sector 5 Slums."

"Yup. I've been there."

"There were lots of flowers, weren't there?"

"Yup!"

"When I went there for the first time, I was also welcomed by the flowers. Really, I felt that. I felt the Planet, and I felt my mother. That's why I didn’t have to cry. What I left behind wasn't my mother. My mother was here."

Tifa tilted her neck and was puzzled.

"I've been saying weird things, haven't I?"

Aerith laughed.

"I think it's strange, but it isn't weird."

"Thank you. I thought that you'd say that. That's why I'm able to talk."

Tifa felt something at the back of her nose.

"Hey! Hey!" Aerith wanted to change the mood. "My house was huge, wasn't it? For a house in the slums."

"Yeah! More than just being splendid, I thought that it was a proper house. It doesn't look like a house in the Slums nor a house in Midgar."

"That's right. The house belonged to Elmyra's father-in-law. People said that her father-in-law was an influential man. How do I describe him... A Corneo who isn’t bad.”

"A Corneo who isn’t bad?" Tifa repeated herself.

"Ahhh, it's impossible. The impression is too bad."

"Yeah. Only Corneo's face comes to mind."

"I've failed. Think of a more gentlemanly face. Anyone besides Corneo would be fine."

"I'll try."

It seemed that Tifa was really trying. However, she slipped out a laugh.

"Hmmm?"

"I don't know many guys who are gentlemanly."

Scene 8

Aerith, who knows little about the landscape of the slums, also quickly realised that it was a unique and special place unlike any other. It was a land with lots of nature. Plants grew on the levelled three-dimensional terrain, and even flowers were blooming. It was a stunning scenery for Aerith, who only knew flowers in vases or potted plants.

They travelled through the garden and started walking down the wooden plank, which was laid out to make a path. Aerith then felt someone stroking her hands and legs. She didn’t feel uneasy and fearful. There was a gentle and calm feeling on her heart, or perhaps her head.

"Who are you?"

The wind was blowing and brushed Aerith's cheek. Her heart was filled with joy.

"Did you say something?" Elmyra Gainsborough, who had already introduced herself on the road, turned her head around.

"Nope."

"I see..." Elmyra started walking again.

"There’s lots of grass, aren't there? It's an old plot of land, and it was left like that. There are lots of flowers blooming too. It's still blooming now, but these kinds are just beginning to bloom."

Aerith thought of a garden with lots of flowers and was delighted.

"I've been cutting and pulling them, but they are stubborn. It's hard because insects come too."

"I think it's good as it is."

"Well, but I'm giving up."

Elmyra's house was an old solid wooden building. They entered by opening an elaborately constructed double door with glass mounted on its' upper half.

Her day was filled with first time experiences since she left the Shinra Building. Above all, this experience of entering another person's house for the first time was like a lump of "first time"s striking down on her. The interior had an appearance in which plenty of natural wood was used. There were tables and chairs in the centre of the room. Unlike the rooms in the Shinra Building, the walls here had many windows. Furniture, tableware, pots, food, cleaning tools— it was like she could hear the breathing of the people living here. Aerith was distressed from the information overload and took a deep breath through her mouth.

"You're a strange child, aren't you?"

Elmyra laughed.

"I know it's sudden, but I thought about it along the way. I know I could bring you here, but what am I supposed to do after that? There was an orphanage on the way here, wasn't there? A lot of kids without parents live there. I thought about bringing you there, but there's a rumour that it's under the influence of Shinra Company. I thought about it after seeing what happened at the station. You probably hate the Shinra, don't you?"

Aerith nodded strongly many times.

"Well, we have to carefully think about what's going to happen from here on out," Elmyra let out a huge sigh. "But I'm not at a space to think about such complex matters now. Are you alright to go about this later and stay here for a while?"

Aerith nodded again and again.

"Well then, shall we go to the second floor?"

Elmyra, who seemed to be an impatient person, promptly climbed up the stairs to the second floor. Aerith hurriedly kept up and saw Elmyra waiting for her along the second-floor corridor.

"In the meanwhile, I'll let you stay upstairs."

"Okay."

"This is a house with a fair number of guests. If there suddenly were a child, they would find it suspicious, wouldn't they? More than anything, I can't guarantee that they wouldn't tell Shinra about you. For the time being, except when I say it's okay, I'll have you stay upstairs."

"For the time being... How long will that be?"

Elmyra frowned and folded her arms. The smile disappeared from her eyes.

"Honestly, tell me. Is Shinra chasing your mother? Or are they chasing you too?"

She knew the meaning of her question. However, how should she reply? She was also probably being chased too. She was undoubtedly being chased because she is a descendant of the Cetra.

"Ummm. Yes."

"It's alright if you say yes. However, if it comes to that, you'll be staying on the second floor until Shinra gives up finding you, okay?"

Aerith knew that Shinra would probably never give up searching for her. She'll probably live on the second floor her whole life.

"Don't look like that... It's human nature. You won't be here for an eternity."

"Um. Okay."

The doorbell rang downstairs. Elmyra frowned. Aerith felt nervous that it might be someone pursuing from Shinra.

"Wait here for a moment, quietly."

After quickly fixing up her hair and clothes, Elmyra went downstairs.

Aerith crouched down and hid her breath at that spot. After she thought she heard a sign of the door opening...

"Where did you go!"

The voice of a furious man burst through. Aerith lost her balance and quickly placed down her hand for support.

"That's none of your business!"

"You were the one who told me to come over in the evening, weren’t you? Oh? Do you treat people like this all the time?"

"I said I'll probably be here in the evening. I didn't make any promises. You can't come here every day at any time for no reason."

'It will end after a signature and a blood seal. How many times must I say it?"

"It will be the same no matter how many times you say it. Understand? This is about the way society works, and the rules. Without Meguro's consent, I also won’t do anything. And even with my blood seal, he would think that I gave in to a threat. If you want to keep your job forever, you have to stay true to your own words, okay?"

"Shit!"

"Your teeth will fall off from such foul words. Well then, go home!"

"Shit! Shit!"

"If you want to stand on top of others, you'll repent for it. Well, back off!"

It was the sound of the door slammed shut. The man was mumbling in an angry voice. However, she did not understand its content.

Elmyra returned to the second floor and seemed exhausted.

"Ahhhhh..." She let out a deep sigh.

"That was Carlo Kinky. That man, he's a special one. Other guests are normally just decent and quiet."

↞↠

Aerith was assigned to the room of Gabriel Gainsborough, who built the house, and that was his room where he had recuperative medical treatment until two months prior. It was tidied up and smelled clean. She didn't feel any hints of death.

"I don't really think it has a good atmosphere, but I don't have any other rooms. Nope, I have one, but I'll have to clean it up."

Elmyra felt apologetic. However, Aerith didn't care about it. In fact, she even felt a welcoming-like feeling from the room.

That night, Ifalna appeared by her bedside.

"I'll be supporting Elmyra being fond of you, okay?"

Ifalna laughed, but that smile had some kind of tiredness in it. It was the same smile as when she was walking in the slums.

"How did you come here?"

"It’s not that I came here, but we're always together because we are connected."

Aerith felt her mother's hand on her forehead. And before long, she slept with peace in her mind.

Ifalna appeared the next night too.

"How was today? I wonder if you got along with Elmyra."

"Hmmm... I don't know. Elmyra made breakfast, brought it to me, and we ate together. At that time, she made bread for me for lunch. She went out after that and then came back around dinner time. But, she seemed tired. That's why we didn't talk much. I can't get along with her. What should I do?"

"It's alright. Elmyra is having it rough now. But, I think you can help her. "

"What should I do?"

"When she wants to cry, stay with her and cuddle close together. It's the same as when I was here."

"... Mom, was there a time when you wanted to cry?"

"I probably did a few times..."

Scene 9

"I'll explain this," Aerith changed her tone to an excuse-like manner.

Tifa seemed to be in an absorbed-like state.

"When I was a kid, I thought that it was a dream, and I thought I was just talking in a dream, but that's not it."

"Um.... What do you mean by that?"

"It's one of the powers of the Cetra. We can be one with the floating life of the Planet. Through this life, and though it seems there are various conditions, we're able to communicate with people whom we're separated from."

"That's amazing, isn't it?"

“Right? It gets more different than you think. But I can't do it anymore. I can feel something when I go to a deep place, but usually not at all."

"I see."

"Like happiness and sadness. But, I have been through a lot due to this power when I was a kid. Well, I must be a strange kid, aren’t I?"

↞↠

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