Tumgik
#the texts for chapter 4 are right there in my brain
So... @muffinlance wrote a really awesome story. I read a post from a point in time, though I truly do not remember when since it seems like I've been working on this project forever, saying that she gives blanket permission for people to print and bind the story into a book (I think there was an also addendum saying that they do not give permission to be sold, since selling fic is illegal). This fic has had total control over my whole brain since it was sent to me (@creatorofthemind I believe it was you, so thank you forever for tuning me into it) back during the days of like chapter six or seven.
So here I am now, sharing this amazing journey of my first ever bookbinding adventure. Further reading below.
So to give you an idea of what's going on, this is a fanfiction about Zuko (Avatar the Last Airbender) (animated show version, the LA show did not exist yet and we do not speak of the movie) being adopted by Hakoda, Father of Katara and Zuko. (This might have also been what kicked off the Give Zuko A Parent craze, but don't fact check me.)
Overall, the characters from the show stick very well to the cannon versions, but where MuffinLance really shines is in the rich backstories and fleshed out feeling of all the non cannon elements. Especially the background characters. I would argue that the writing in this peice of fanwork could easily rival the cannon show at many points of comparison.
Now that you have context, we can get into the actual process.
To start, I used this guide to figure out where to even begin, and fount the included resource list to also be quite helpful. I cannot for the LIFE OF ME figure out where I found the template I used for the front matter and such, but it must be somewhere and I will link to it when I inevitably come across it again.
Then I began to typeset. This step took... a long time. I worked in chunks from about September of 2022 to late March of 2024. I would get a big section done, sometimes even the entire thing, but then find I hated the way I had done it and give up for months at a time. Such is the life of ADHD and flitting interest in projects I suppose.
And then finally, step one was done, and I was left with pages on a word document that look like this. (And do please let me know if you want the link to the document. It was so much work, and I would love to not be the only one to use it.)
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Next step was printing out this beast. Ended up being about eight pages of front matter, and about 630 pages of body text.
That I printed wrong.
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Twice.
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Before finally getting it right. And then not getting a picture of it, because I finished at 4 am and had work at 7, and am also an idiot.
Then I simply stitched along, putting everything together into a beautiful text block.
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And came up with a design for the cover.
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Yes the glue did end up lumpy. Ignore it.
Yes I did have to sketch out the design onto a scraped page several times before I figured out what I was doing. Ignore that too.
The cover design does wrap around the entire cover. No I did not get a picture before I glued the thing down. See again: I'm an idiot. And just... massively impatient.
Finally, we get to the stage of gluing. Behold, my bookpress.
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Of course, topped with Madam MuffinLances own actual professional-people book, Fox's Tounge and Kirin's Bone. It is Excelent. Here is the LINK so you can go and support this amazing author with the real-monies as well as the internet-kudos.
Then, once everything is glued together, one must give the book its "gilt" edges.
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wings-of-ink · 2 days
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Update!
Hey everyone, just wanted to check in with you. I hope you all doing well!
Right now, I am feeling good about getting chapter 3 out by 4/30. It's a crunch for sure, but barring any disasters in the work itself or my personal life, I feel like it is doable. My aim is to get it to a point where it is release-worthy but will still need fine tuning after the fact. I generally like to edit things a couple times at least and have it play-tested, but I won't have time for all that. But, this is a work in progress, and I can always make improvements as I go. There are also a couple segments that I did not have time to add, but they're not pivotal to the story. I will add them if I find the time before the 30th (sorry to those who wanted to make a tasty cake for someone).
So far, I have gone through chapters 1 and 2 again and made some corrections to typos and grammar. I added a white hair option with some flavor text, and some other flavor text for purple eyes. The option to have your MC's hair turn grey (streaked or fully grey) from stress/illness was added, but I did not do it in the way I needed to, so if I have time, I'm going to fix that before release. I also updated some of the variable values of certain choices. A name bank was added for anyone who might struggle to come up with a name for their MC. I made all but one of them correspond to the marks. There's a wild card in there for the adventurous, lol. The codex was also updated.
Today, I am editing chapter 3. My very gracious boss encouraged me to take the day off, and I'm feeling pretty good, so I'm using this as an opportunity to get some serious work done.
If you're curious and don't mind my rambling about my life, you can read about my ordeal below!
I am feeling much better. I had a couple rough days in the past week, but mostly brought on by medication my dentist wanted me to take to stave off possible infection in a broken tooth. I had a less-than-stellar reaction to it, and it gave me insomnia and anxiety. Simply fantastic.
But, I had the root canal yesterday (got lucky and they had a cancelation so I was able to go in 5 days early). I am happy to report it was not bad at all. In fact, it may have been the easiest dental procedure aside from cleanings that I've ever had, lol. I was in and out within half an hour, and the endodontist numbed the fuck out of my mouth. The biggest pain was the drive there and back since I live so far away.
I chilled the whole day and took a glorious 2 hour nap, and have been sore but totally good. I even watched one of my favorite comfort-animes, Natsume Yuujinchou. If you are ever feeling poorly and down in the dumps or just need to relax, it is cute, a bit funny, and lighthearted - so I highly recommend it. So, all in all, I feel recharged and more than ready to see chapter 3 with fresh eyes!
Thank you to everyone who sent me encouraging messaging about the root canal. It really truly helped me show up for that appointment without feeling completely vulnerable. I was still anxious, because that is just what my brain do - I can't even see my GP without my hands shaking, lol. But, going into it knowing what your experiences have been helped so much.
Anyway, sorry for prattling! I'm going to get back to it now! ^_^
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kangaracha · 7 months
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wips list
nevermore (120k)
queenmaker (3 chapters)
lyre lyre (1/4 done)
FNF (dear fucking lord keeps i hate it here)
what the water brought/pirate au
boxer!minho? dlc? something
pretty ch 4
the gone and the gathered ch 3&4
valleys (66k)
torture fic x3
tgbyb ch 4
tsotl end part 1
darling don't wake up x4
goldmine goldmine (landmine) all of it
soul is yours to keep/zelda fic
draculas
heart rewrite
where the river bends
rabbithole/angel/the stars in your eyes
all that is good/holy
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regina’s puppy (4)
// regina has a soft spot for you, but when she refuses to accept why, someone else might swoop in and take your attention away from her. //
warnings: soft!regina, fluff, pining, LOTS of pining, regina is falling for the reader hard, reader is a gay mess, regina is a lesbian who’s terrible at emotions. (don’t get too used to fluffy chapters this is the calm before the storm…)
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(this part 4 of the series, read part 3 here)
you end up replaying gretchen’s party in your head over the weekend. you can’t seem to stop thinking about the look in regina’s eyes when she saw you and dani talking. it was the angriest you’ve ever seen her, and then afterwards she just pretended as if it never occurred. yet it was engraved into your brain like a branded memory; permanently there for you to think about at night.
you couldn’t figure out why regina was so enthralled by you… if you could call it that. as you started to become more aware of what dani said on friday night, how you were regina’s “puppy”… it caused you to overthink a few things. this entire time you thought regina was getting closer to you all of a sudden because she enjoyed your company. now you feared it was because she just wanted some new pet to play with.
you and regina had developed a routine on the nights you couldn’t convince your parents to allow you to stay the night. she’d call you, and you’d talk for hours; sometimes till you fell asleep. though saturday night you used a flimsy excuse of being at your grandmas house; she new it was a lie. then on sunday, you barely texted her at all. she knew something was up right away, and she wasn’t going to tolerate it.
as soon as you walked out of your house to catch the bus on monday, regina’s jeep was parked on the side of the street. your heart immediately began to flutter as it usually does whenever you see the blonde. she rolls down her window, and you catch a glimpse of how gorgeous she looks. your legs have a mind of their own as you begin to walk up to her car, furrowing your brows. “don’t you usually pick up gretchen on mondays?” you question, and she shrugs, flashing you that colgate smile that makes your knees week. “she can take the bus. get in, loser.” she taunts you.
you can’t help but sheepishly smile as you get into her passenger side. “she’s gonna freak out. she was texting the group chat all weekend about how her parents found puke in her grandmas ashes.” you giggle, and regina lets out this strained laugh that isn’t her usual one. “yeah, i tried calling you but you were busy.” she grumbles, and you tense up slightly. “and you were dodging my texts. what gives?” she asks, as she begins to drive. she doesn’t turn on music like she usually does, only showing you how serious she is.
“i just couldn’t stop thinking about what happened on friday.” you start cautiously, and she frowns, an agitated expression etching itself onto her features. “seriously? that fucking bitch deserved a slap, y/n.” she defends herself, and you flash her a look. “i’m not talking about the slap… i mean, i’m actually surprised you didn’t do worse.” you joke softly, trying to lighten the heavy tension in the air. regina lets out this tiny exhale; if it weren’t so quiet in the car you may not have heard it. that’s when you take in how wrought up she seems, as if she’s been stressing over something.
surely she wasn’t stressing over you avoiding her for two days… right?
“then what is it? why are you being weird?” she questions demandingly, sounding genuinely upset. “because i can’t stop thinking about what dani said!” you huff out, sounding the most frustrated she’s ever heard. upon seeing your exasperated demeanor, she calms down slightly. realizing something was actually wrong. “y/n, everything that loser said was bullshit—“ she starts, but you cut her off, “she was right though! i am such a different person now and it’s only been a month.” you counterpoint, causing her to bite her tongue.
regina hates to be interrupted, but she really enjoys you and whatever it is that’s budding between the two of you. she doesn’t want to lose it because some stupid jock said something at a lame party she only went to in order to save face. “and you don’t like who you are? you don’t enjoy the way we’ve been hanging out all the time?” regina questions, you shake your head. “i love spending time with you… but dani called me your puppy, gina. is that seriously what people think of me now? is that what you think of me?” you ask persistently.
the blonde shakes her head rapidly in disagreement. “i don’t think of you as my puppy… just because you have the qualities of one, doesn’t mean i consider you one.” she tells you, and you frown. “how do i have the qualities of a puppy?” you can’t help but ask, and she shrugs. “loyal, obedient, always happy to see me.” she flashes you that infamous smile, and you roll your eyes in response. “y/n, dani is just jealous because you’re hanging out with me and not her. she only said that to get under your skin, and clearly it worked.” she states, and your silence causes her to reach for your hand.
her touch sends shockwaves throughout your body. “don’t be angry at me over some comment a dumb jock made because you wouldn’t go into a basement with her.” she practically pleads, and you know it’s the closest thing you’ll get to any sort of comfort from regina george. “besides, don’t you like hanging out with me?” she questions, and you throw her a look that says “are you serious”. “of course i like hanging out with you, you’re like my favorite person.” you admit, and regina feels something tugging on the heartstrings she didn’t even realize she had.
“then stop listening to what anyone else says.” this sounds more like a command, so you find yourself nodding dumbly. your brain always goes fuzzy whenever she tells you to do something, and the only coherent thought is to do whatever regina says. god, maybe dani was right, you are regina’s puppy.
you walk into school with the blonde by your side. you’ve adjusted to the gawking students that ogle regina as she walks by. you really don’t blame them; ever since freshman year you’ve been one of those people who gaze at her in admiration. until now. regina’s strange interest in you hasn’t gone unnoticed by anyone else, and you’re now beginning to adjust to all the attention.
“please never make me take the bus again!” gretchen exclaims as she storms up to the both of you, and regina rolls her eyes. “i had to pick up y/n today. you’ll survive.” the blonde sounds unamused, causing gretchen to huff in response. “i already said i’m sorry, even though it’s totally not my fault i have a totally hot basement that makes people horny.” she says, and regina narrows her eyes at her friend. “we discussed this already. i’m going to be taking y/n to school from now on.” her tone is up for no disagreements, and you shake your head in protest. “it’s okay, gina. i don’t mind taking the bus—“ you start, but she cuts you off.
“i like picking you up. hush.” she shushes you quickly, and you try to ignore the way the back of your neck heats up. gretchen pouts, but doesn’t argue any further. as the three of you approach regina’s locker, karen bounces up to you guys. “did you guys here about the new girl who’s transferring here tomorrow?” she asks curiously, and regina quirks a brow in clear interest. “a new girl? why wasn’t i informed about this?” she questions, and karen shrugs. “i heard it from arnold who says he heard it from elizabeth g.” she explains, and the blonde presses her lips together tightly.
“a new student nobody bothered to tell me about… huh.” she says as she thinks about it for a moment. “she better be more interesting than the last new student we had. jeanette renolds is such a bore.” the blonde adds simply, and that’s that. the topic of the “new student” doesn’t come up again. at least not in front of you.
during lunch gretchen begins to talk about how close homecoming is, regardless of it being 3 months away. “you’re running for homecoming queen again, right regina?” gretchen asks, and regina glowers. “of course i am. why wouldn’t i?” she responds with a question, before looking at you. “are you going to vote for me to be homecoming queen?” she asks, her voice flirty and sweet. your cheeks flush under her gaze, “of course, i voted for you last year too, gina.” you confess, and this elicits a large smile from your favorite blonde.
“everyone voted for regina last year, and this year it’s not gonna change. i don’t even think you need a campaign manager this time either.” gretchen says, and regina rolls her eyes. “i am my own campaign manager, idiot. but i have y/n to help me with more stuff this year, like what color scheme i should go with.” she says suggestively, as her gaze flickers over to you. your eyes widen in slight panic, “what?? i can’t pick your color scheme! i’m terrible at picking out stuff. i mean, you chose my entire wardrobe.” you remind her, and she shrugs.
“don’t care. your opinion is the only one that matters to me, so we’ll start looking at dresses next week. for you too.” her tone is left for no debates, and you don’t really pay attention to anything past “your opinion is the only one that matters to me”. the heat rises to your neck and face, and regina’s grin deepens. “are we still hanging out after school, or are you bailing on me today again?” regina pointedly asks you, and you nod eagerly. “we can try that new pretzel place—“ regina cuts you off, “you’re so cute, i can’t do too many carbs but i’ll get you pretzels on the way to where i’m taking you.” she declares, and your eyebrows perk up.
before you can question the blonde the bell rings, “i’m not doing anything after school—“ gretchen tries to say but regina cuts her off. “i didn’t ask, and you weren’t invited.” she hisses, and gretchen huffs. nobody dares question why regina is so adamant on spending time with you; especially alone time. honestly, you’re a bit scared to ask her as well. not because you think she’ll be mean to you, regina is never mean to you, no, you’re just afraid you may mess up whatever this is.
you’re ashamed to admit regina has become the center of your universe. she takes up all the spaces in your brain, and you can’t even go an hour without thinking about her. you and regina end up hanging out after school as promised. you end up sitting in the passenger seat of her car, a medium sized lemonade in your hand along with your mini pretzel bites. regina steals glances at you every now and then; you contentedly hum along to the song that’s playing as you curiously gaze out the window.
the only thought that keeps circling her mind is how much she likes this. just being around you.
“are we going on a hike?” you ask your hundredth question, and regina groans. “no, i hate walking.” she reminds you, and you have this adorable expression on your face as you think about other possibilities. the further from town you get, the further your mind wanders. “the beach?” you ask, and she shakes her head. “nope; i hate getting sand in my shoes and car.” she deadpans, and you go quiet for another few seconds. “we’ve been driving for almost forty minutes… what time are we coming back?” you inquire, and regina rolls her eyes, feigning annoyance.
“you already wanna leave me?” she responds with a question of her own, and you shake your head rapidly. “no! i love hanging out with you, i just gotta text my mom and let her know before we end up somewhere with no service.” you explain yourself, and regina pretends as if she’s thinking about it for a moment. “just tell your mom you’re gonna spend the night at mine.” she orders, and you flash her a look, “gina, i can’t spend the night on a monday.” you remind her, causing her to huff.
“fine, tell her i’ll have you home by ten-thirty.” she mutters begrudgingly, and you smile in satisfaction. you send the text to your mom right as regina turns onto another highway to leave town. “okay, now i’m really curious! please tell me where we’re going.” you sound more excited than before, and the eagerness in your voice tugs on the blonde’s heartstrings. “it’s just a little place i like to go when things are too much. todays like the first pretty day we’ve had in awhile, and i wanted to take you.” she reveals, causing something inside of you to melt.
“y-you wanna take me to your spot?” you sound genuinely stunned, and regina snorts. “duh, who else would i wanna bring there? gretchen talks too much, karen doesn’t know what’s going on half the time, and everyone else only hangs out with me because i’m “regina george”… it’s only natural for me to take my special girl to my special place.” she retorts easily, causing the blood to rise to your face. regina smirks as she notes how flushed your cheeks are; she doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of the affect she has on you.
“we’re almost there; finish your pretzels.” she commands, and you don’t have to be told twice.
the sun is nearly setting by the time you both pull into a secluded area off a random road in the middle of nowhere. you can’t help but wonder how regina knows about this place; how long she was driving to find it one day. as she drives further into a green grassy area full of trees, with beams of sunlight peaking through the gaps in the tree lines. your eyes widen as she drives further, only going deeper into the beautiful woods.
you roll down your windows excitedly, “oh my gosh this place is so pretty!” you squeal tempestuously. regina tries not look at you in fear she may swerve and ram into a tree, but your sudden uncontrolled behavior causes her to smile widely. if anyone she knew were to see it, they would hell froze over. she’s glad you aren’t paying any attention to her, because you would’ve seen the unusually soft expression on her face. you turn to look at her, catching her grinning from ear to ear, “we haven’t even gotten to the really cool part.” she tells you, and your eyes enlarge as they gaze into her.
“cooler than a literal forest out of a picture book!?” you ask and she chuckles, “you’re way too easy to impress. i’m starting to think i could park behind the 7/11 with you for an hour and you’d have fun.” she murmurs, and you shrug as you look back out the window. “as long as it’s with you.” you say this so easily, and it causes her smile to fall. her expression morphs into a baffled one, and she can’t stop herself from wondering why... why do you enjoy being around her so much?
regina makes a slight turn, and you let out this breathless gasp as your eyes land on a creek with a waterfall. it isn’t big, but it’s beautiful. “oh my god… gina! this is so beautiful!” you shriek erratically and you unbuckle your seatbelt as you the car comes to a full stop. you run out, and her eyes widen, “hey! i said i hate walking!” she hisses, trying to sound angry but she can’t even recognize herself.
if the girls heard me right now, they’d never respect me again.
“come on, gina!!” you order her, and regina— the girl who never takes orders from anyone— sighs as she turns the car off and gets out. “look at how clear the water is!” your enthusiasm causes regina to approach you, and act as if she hasn’t already seen this place a hundred times before you. it looks different when you’re here… regina can’t seem to place why. she isn’t sure if she’ll ever enjoy coming here without you again, and she doesn’t care. all she can do is stare at how the light of the sunset reflects off your big, wondrous eyes.
“if i would’ve known you liked this place so much, i would’ve brought you here awhile ago. i just never thought of bringing anyone till now.” she admits softly, and your smile deepens, which is something she didn’t even think was possible. “you haven’t bright anyone else here?” you ask timidly, and she nods earnestly. “just you.”
her confession causes you to wrap your arms around her, hugging her abruptly. her eyes widen a bit; she’s never been the hugging type… yet as your delicate grasp tightens around her lovingly, in a way she’s never felt, she can’t help the way her stomach flutters pathetically. she hugs you back, and can feel you practically melt into her. you’re so happy, and it hits her that you’re happy because of her. she’s made people cry, yell, curse, and run in the opposite direction… but she’s never made anyone feel happy.
the fleeting thought alone terrifies her like nothing else ever has. regina george is falling in love with you, and she isn’t sure how to stop it.
a/n: please don’t hate me but tumblr wasn’t letting me tag some of your accounts 😭💔
taglist: @xvyzxx @spideyznss @whateveryouwantsee11 @alwaysgoodnight @chaoticcoffeequeen @mcu-junkie @lottienatswife @vanessashands @natashas-whore @southelroys @dandelions4us @ylenabelxva @probs-reading-fanfics @dont-emily-me @luz-enjoyer @flocon-neigeux @jjiwoo06 @aminetil @pyro-les @tyler-06 @justlovemaths @teenybean @emskies @tulipatheticee @marvelwomenarehot0 @syddie-reads @slaysksmska @cas-is-weird-ig @scarlettbitchx @pianogirl2121 @puppy-danvers2016 @messsor @dmenby3100 @that-one-little-soybean
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snalsupremacy · 7 months
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Why this is my favorite panel in hgsn
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Hgsn has some incredible art and page composition, but out of the entire manga so far, to me this is the best panel of them all. Hell, this might be my favorite panel of any manga ever. (Note: Due to respecting the scanlator's wishes, I blanked out the dialogue and replaced all necessary dialogue with the official English source)
1- Build-up
Before I get to the panel itself, lets first talk about the pages before: For context, this is in chapter 2. Yoshiki has just found out about "Hikaru", and its trying to adjust to this new reality. As they walk from school to Yoshiki's house, Yoshiki asks him if he killed Hikaru. This is how the previous two pages look like:
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Notice how the half shading effect is done in hatch marks. This is the first sign the all-black shading is a stylistic choice used to convey something.
Look at the balance the two pages form when you put them together: half white, half black, half black, half white. They compliment each other, both in color balance and in panel shape.
We have to turn the page to hear Hikaru's answer to Yoshiki's question. This gives the control of the narrative back to the viewer. This creates tension and build-up to it, it is a common tactic famously employed by Junji Ito in his famous "page-turner" moments where the viewer has to turn the page to see the monster. Except in this instance we are not revealing monsters, or are we?
2- The page
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I'm not gonna get into too much detail on the page itself, I just want to point out the juxtaposition between the page composition of this page and the previous two. The last two were balanced and had all the panels closed while this one is much more liberal, bringing a feeling of unbalance, like something just shifted. I'd say the black and white balance is still there, with the Hikaru on white and Yoshiki on black panel side by side and all, which actually brings me to my next point:
3- Black and White
Honestly this could be an entire analysis post of itself, where do I even start?! Let's go from the very beginning. This is the very first time we learn of "Hikaru" :
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Notice how the panel is colored black. In fact, throughout the story, we see black panels being spoken by "Hikaru", usually right before he does something unnatural:
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And here are the only two instances we see of the Brain-snatcher's true form:
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• He's literally a black blob, just like the text bubbles! And now combine that with Hikaru's white hair, and the fact his name means to be bright, and what's the brightest color but white, and there is a clear color symbolism going on:
Hikaru=White
"Hikaru"=Black
4-The Panel
And now we're back to the original panel! Taking all the other points in mind, we can analyze the panel itself
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First, his expression. My G-d, his expression! His raised eyebrows and his squinted eyes, making his pupils way larger, make the expression seem almost childish and pitiful. But the half black-out face turns this pity look to an ominous one. Not being able to see the face or having your face obstructed is easy path into the uncanny valley, which I think is the case for this scene. Immediately 180 from "aww the poor guy" to "what is he hiding?"
The white panel says "I like you" while the black panel says "I'm crazy for you". HOWEVER, The white bubble is by the black side of his face and the black bubble is by the white side of his face. So which Hikaru is saying that? Is "Hikaru" crazy for Yoshiki, while Hikaru just liked him, or the other way around? Did the original Hikaru ever love Yoshiki, or is that the monster's feelings? Well we don't know! That's the premise of the whole manga! In one panel!
And that's why it's my favorite :)
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theorphicangel · 27 days
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𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐨 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬. | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
Tags: enemies to lovers, college au, smut, 18+, slow burn,
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synopsis: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single, brooding man in possession of a good future in genetics, must be in want of a girlfriend.
Or at least a fake one to get his family off his back.
(college au & fake dating trope ft my favourite grumpy man who doesn't fall first but ends up falling harder. ouch.)
Taglist: @oharasfilipinawife @palesatan @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @amelialysm @crimin4llyins4ne @strawberryjuice9 @beezusvreeland @faretheeoscar @lunablackcosplay @t4naiis @peachey-pie @mcmiracles
chapter 4: lord of the lies
series | previous chapter | next chapter
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“Tomato soup or chicken soup?”
“Well which one is cheaper?”
“Tomato.”
“Get that one then.”
“Have I ever told you that you're sooooo incredibly helpful?” Lyla mutters out, pushing the grocery cart as you stumble behind texting on your phone. You’re barely looking at where you’re walking as you text your mom.
Today, you had 2 missed calls that you genuinely missed. One occurred whilst you were on your shift and the other whilst you were in a lecture. Currently, you were relaying your excuses to your mother and failing to convince her that you were completely fine at college.
“Right, we need some yogurt and eggs.” Lyla announces, searching around for the specific aisles.
“Uh-huh.” you say absentmindedly, your neck still craned down to your phone. Due to this, you miss Lyla’s smirk as she peers over at you.
“And we also need an inflatable pool and trampoline for our backyard.”
You hum again, thumbs working at double speed.
“Girl, we don’t have a backyard. You really aren’t listening are you?” Lyla sighs. You hum again, still distracted. “You know what? I’ll just meet you at the checkout.”
You raise your head to look at your roommate, finally listening. “Right, we could do that.” You begin to walk over to another aisle to get some personal stuff for yourself before your phone rings.
Reading the caller ID, you internally panic at the sight of your mom calling you. Obviously by now she must be sick of texting you, wanting to hear your voice instead. Looking around, your brain goes haywire in trying to think of an excuse. After a few seconds, you reluctantly give in and swipe to accept the call.
“Hello?”
“Oh, what a miracle! My daughter finally answers the phone after ignoring me for almost a month!”
The sarcastic tone of your mother, echoes loudly in your ear. You wince as you beg to speak but she interrupts you.
“It’s barely been a month mom–”
“And you barely stay on the line for more than 2 minutes when I call you.”
“I'm just a little busy, I swear.” You grimace as you speak.
“You’re not having trouble paying rent are you? Because if you are then I could ask Uncle Robert for some money. Or is it trouble finding a job? Honey, if you’re having any problems–”
“I’m not having problems mom. I’ve found a job and I’m paying the rent just fine.”
Your mother ignores your reassurances, her intonation high in stress. “Is your roommate nice? Are they clean? Tidy? Have manners?”
“Yes, yes and yes. She's great.”
“Listen, I know you’re sick of me calling you but I just wanted to know that I– well we — get worried about you sometimes. You’re so far away from me and–”
“I know, I know and I promise to call more…I’m just really busy, y’know with work and shifts and lectures and homework and…”
“I’m sure you have time in your day to call me honey, even if it’s just for five minutes.”
“I really don’t–”
“I hear all these stories about college kids getting up to no good and I just get so worried that you’ll get caught up too—”
“I’m really not—”
“Is that why you don’t call me? Because you’re out with bad people?”
“What?” You frown at her comment. How the fuck did she jump to that conclusion? ”Mom, no I’m not with bad people. In fact I’ve made some really good–”
“You just need to tell us if there’s a problem because clearly there is one if you’re not calling me as frequently.”
“Mom–” you can barely get a word in edgeways as she interrupts. You hastily avoid people in the supermarket aisle, becoming increasingly frustrated and overwhelmed in a matter of seconds.
“Just be honest sweetheart, you can tell me anything, you know that right?”
“Mom will you just listen to me—” you attempt to speak, your tone becoming even more desperate as you simultaneously try to make your way past a crowd of people shopping. Why the fuck does everyone and their mother choose to go shopping at this store right now?
“I’m here for you darling, if you ever want to drop out of college–”
“Mom, I have a boyfriend okay?”
“What?”
You pause in the middle of the candy aisle, unable to ignore all the halloween candy already up on sale. A beat of silence passed on the phone. You pulled a face, full of absolute disgust at the words that you had just said aloud to your mother. Your mouth was agape, unable to give a reply.
You swallowed thickly, your mind still panicking.
“What did you say?” your mother questioned.
Yep. You were in it now. No take backs.
“I–I have a boyfriend.” you repeat, your voice shaking. You weren’t even aware of what you were saying anymore.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”
“It– it all just happened really fast.” you blurted out.
“Is he a good guy?”
“Uhh–yeah, yeah.”
“What’s his name honey? Oh! You can bring him over for us to meet at thanksgiving!”
Shit.
“What was that honey?”
“Nothing Mom.” you pull another face at her almost hearing you curse. The next words leave your mouth in a flurry of unintelligible language.
“Ineedtogonowmom,I’llcallyoutomorrow.”
“Promise me.” she quipped quickly before you could hang up.
“I promise.” Was that another lie? You can’t tell anymore at this rate.
“Okay, stay saf–” You hit the hang up button before she can finish.
Shit. Shit. Shit. What the fuck did you just do?
Your body is frozen. You're standing in the middle of the aisle, unable to comprehend what you have just done. People merely walk past you and you’re only brought back to reality by the sound of Lyla’s voice.
“Are you alright? You look like you’ve just committed the worst crime on the planet.” If lying to your mother ever counted as the worst crime of humanity then you deserve to be punished for the rest of your life.
“I’m fine. Did you need anything else?” You changed the subject as soon as possible. Not just for Lyla’s sake of not catching on but also for your own. You need a distraction from what had just happened.
“I think we’ve got everything, unless you still have stuff that you still need to grab?”
You shake your head.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lyla raises a brow, a concerned look appearing on her face.
“M’fine.”
“Let’s go to the checkout then shall we?”
You’re left trailing again this time instead of your phone, you’re distracted by the thoughts that were running through your head.
How the fuck are you going to get out of this one? And where the fuck are you going to get a boyfriend from? You’ve completely dropped yourself in a lie that you cannot physically maintain.
You watched on silently as Lyla began to pack on the items onto the checkout treadmill. Anxiously, you chew at your nails, running over the conversation with your mother once more.
Oh god, oh god, why did you say that? You’re so stupid, stupid, stupid—
“Looks like you’re having a good day so far.”
Immediately you’re coaxed out of your thoughts by the sound of a stranger's voice addressing you. It was the till worker.
“Huh? Oh me? I–”
“I was joking by the way. You do not look like you’re having a good day at all.” The man points out, swiping the items.
“I agree.” Lyla hums, packing the shopping items. Suddenly you felt useless, looking around for things to do. Anything to get this attention away from you. The till worker seemed to be young, around your age you’ll assume.
Glancing down at his namepin, you squint to see the bold text say ‘Peter’.
“I mean I’ve been having a pretty bad day myself. First, I got in late because my alarm didn’t go off because my phone died. I mean I have no idea why my battery always runs out when they release a new version of the phone, it’s stupid really. And then I dropped cans of beans on my foot whilst stocking which hurt like a total bit–”
“Oh god, that happened to me once.” Lyla interrupts.
You frown. “When has that ever happened to you ly’?”
“I was in Mexico–”
Peter suddenly gasped, scanning through a pack toilet roll. “You know my roommate Miguel actually–
“Miguel?” You blurt out suddenly.
“Yeah, do you know him?”
You freeze, the eyes of your roommate and the cashier now on you.
“Something like that. But uh– of course you might be talking about a completely different person.” you awkwardly chuckle. You hoped to the heavens above this was not the Miguel that you were thinking of.
Peter frowns. “Is he tall and mean?”
You nod wordlessly.
“Yep, that's him then.”
“Oh god, you won’t believe what he did to her–” Lyla begins before you slap a hand across her mouth. Peter raises a brow quizzical, pausing his movements.
“Nothing! He’s done absolutely nothing. He’s a great guy.” You lie through clenched teeth.
Peter studies the two of you before swiping through the last few items. You quickly pack them into your bags hoping that Peter will brush off the weird behavior from the two of you. Lyla stares at you for your weird behavior, wondering why you had lied but she picks up on the signal and decides to say nothing more. For now.
And thankfully Peter does move on. “Yeah, he really is a great guy. I mean once you’ve survived the grumpy side of him that is, but I think he’s beginning to show off his sweet spot now. He didn’t even snap at me this morning, so that’s a good sign right? Compared to last week he was reallyyyy pissed off and I have no idea why— oh, that’s it, your total is $35.71.”
Lyla rummages for her purse and your hand is removed.
“That’s great, that’s really great to hear.” You say almost robotically. Deep down, you begin to wonder how a guy like Miguel copes with Peter. They’re practically opposites.
“You’re a first year right?” Lyla asks, tapping her card on the reader.
Peter hums, “Studying biochem. How about you?”
You barely listen to the conversation between Lyla and Peter as they both gush about… STEM things. You think you’ll have to forcefully drag Lyla away before she starts talking about her coding club again.
“Hey, you work in that cafe on campus right?”
You’re caught off guard when Peter asks you this question. Unfortunately you make it clear enough that you were not listening to the conversation. “Yeah, yeah that’s me.” You cringe internally, thinking that perhaps Miguel has already told the story of your horrible barista skills. You can picture it already, the two of them laughing at it on the couch together, mocking—
“I rarely see you in the cafe…” you point out, shaking your head subtly as if to physically get rid of that vision.
“Oh.” Peter murmurs, a shade of pink beginning on his cheeks which lead to the tips of his ears. “MJ serves me most of the time so…” He avoids eye contact with you, drawing up the receipt for Lyla.
Ah. You’re quick to get it. He’s got a crush.
“Well it was nice to meet you Peter, feel free to come join us at Coding club.” Lyla reiterates. “Every wednesday 6pm, the computer suite!”
“Noted.” Peter does a little salute at her.
Lyla’s already making her way out of the store and you’re not far behind until you abruptly come to a halt.
Turning around, you swiftly make your way back to Peter before he serves the next customer.
“Hey Peter, can I ask a favor from you?”
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lmk if you would like to join the taglist!
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phthalomushroom · 2 months
Text
The Family (4)
last next
pairings: modern!mafia!aemondxreader
summary: You had left Kings Landing and the Targaryen family four years ago. Now back and living with your old roommate you realize that the life you had thought you escaped had seemingly been waiting for you. But will the family really let you go? Will the people you left behind forgive you? Can you forget the past and look to the future?
warnings: language, mentions of trauma, stalking?
word count: 1.4K
note: I thought I had the rest of this planned out but my brain keeps finding new ways to change it on me. Next chapter though, we got some tea coming! Hope you enjoy!
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You had felt like you were going to throw up.
Once you had left the party you had headed home and downed at least half a bottle of tequila. To say the hangover this morning was a difficult one was an understatement. You pulled yourself out of bed, grabbed your phone that you had discarded somewhere on the floor in your drunken haze and looked through the messages from Baela and Rhaena who were asking where you went.
It seems your drunk self was responsible enough to text back something that resembled that you had made it home.
You moved across the room, barely missing stepping on your shoes as you headed to the kitchen. You needed something to eat that you wouldn’t regurgitate right away. .
“There’s nothing to eat.”
You turned to see Baela lounging on the couch, a rag shielding her eyes from the light.
“We need to go to the grocery store.”
“No shit.” She sat up taking the rag from her face, she looked like she also got hit by a bus. “Glad you drank my tequila, if it was here when I got back I probably wouldn’t be alive right now.”
You frowned, joining her on the couch. “I take it you didn’t enjoy the party either.”
“I take it the talk with Aemond didn’t go well.”
“He was drunk and an asshole.”
She tilted her head. “Aemond doesn’t drink… he is an asshole though.”
“But he was never an asshole to me.”
She smirked. “Then I guess you’ve officially joined ‘Aemond’s an asshole club,’ I’ll get you one of our t-shirts-”
“Baela I’m being serious.”
“So am I, we meet every Tuesday to talk about the new assholey thing he’s done.”
You rolled your eyes, a headache starting to form. “I really thought that there might’ve been something left, but he’s changed since the last time I saw him.”
She shrugged. “He’s gone through a lot. Aegon’s death, Otto being locked up, and now you coming back. There’s been a lot of change happening.”
You rolled your eyes. “So because of all that he’s marrying Alys? I mean he couldn’t have picked someone with a little bit of, I don’t know, humanity?”
Baela chuckled. “I know this won’t be easy but things will get better, I promise. Besides, you’ve got your first encounter down which means you never have to talk to him again.”
“We live in the same city, I doubt I will never talk to him again.”
“Yeah but this time you don’t have to be so civil.”
You smirked, pride flaring in your chest a bit. “I was civil, wasn't I? 
Baela wrapped her arm around your shoulder. “I thought you were going to burn the place down, but you didn’t.”
You let out a long breath. “I need food and I need something to take my mind off all this shit.”
Baela smiled. “Shopping?”
You nodded in agreement. “Shopping.”
********
You and Baela had managed to stomach a little bit of breakfast at a cafe before making your way to the East side of the city. You decided on going to a well known store that was big for its unique couture.
You scavenged the racks trying to find some good purchases that matched your style. Baela had managed to find a few and had left you to go try them on in the fitting rooms. You had offered to go with her in case she wanted some feedback but had declined on the premise of not wanting to hog the fitting room.
You were currently looking through some sweaters when you heard an all too familiar voice.
“Well, look who's back in town.”
You stiffened, casting a glance over your shoulder to see Daemon Targaryen. He had his hands in his pockets and a sly smirk on his face.
“Daemon.” Was all you said before turning yourself back to the rack. You pushed yourself closer to the clothes, concealing your hand going into your bag to pull out your mace. You made sure to put it in your pocket so that it was easily accessible. 
“A cold greeting is not meant for family, sweetheart.” He moved around the rack so that he was in your line of sight. 
“We aren’t family.”
He sighed. “I have to say I was disappointed when I heard about the failed engagement. Aemy was so excited, nearly killed him to see you go.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I thought the Targaryens no longer accepted you in the family, after your little coup with Rhaenyra.”
“A misunderstanding, Rhaenyra and I have been welcomed back. My lovely nephew saw to that.”
“Bullshit.”
“You’ve missed a lot since you left.”He leaned against the rack. “You shouldn’t have come back, (Y/N).”
You straightened. “I’m not involved in whatever shit you have going on. So leave me alone.”
He frowned. “I’m just reminding you that despite your disagreements with Aemond you are still seen as part of this family.”
You glared at him. “Aemond never told me anything about the family business. He never wanted me involved.”
“I was talking more in the literal sense.” He held his hands up. “I like you, (Y/N), which is why you should leave town.”
You raised a brow. “Are you threatening me?”
“No, I would never threaten you, I’m just giving you some advice. There are still bad people wandering around and I would hate for something bad to happen like last time.”
You crossed your arms. “That sure seems like a threat, Daemon.”
“If you don’t want to take my word for it, why don’t you ask the man who's been watching you since you and Baela left the cafe.”
You looked to where he gestured with his head to see the man in question. He wore a red baseball cap with a plain t-shirt and jeans and was staring very intently at a pair of tailored pants. 
He looked up briefly, catching your eye. He noted that you and Daemon were staring at him. He set the pants down and wandered towards the front of the store out of sight. 
“Who was that?” 
Daemon shrugged. “Ghosts of Aemond’s it seems, but I guess yours too since you shot their boss.”
You stared at him, unflinching. “That wasn’t me.”
He grinned, pointing a finger at you. “You are a good liar, I’ll give you that.”
Your hand drifted to your pocket with the pepper spray.
“Don’t worry too much,” Daemon said, taking a step back. “Aemonds gave his instructions in regards to you.”
“And what instructions are those?”
“Don’t let you die.”
You huffed a laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. “So he’ll assign a protection detail but he’ll treat me like a mistress.”
He took a step back. “I’ll be watching you, (y/n).”
“Creepy.”
He turned away, heading towards the front of the shop no doubt in hunt of the man in the red baseball cap.
“Was that Daemon?”
You jumped at Baela’s voice, nearly knocking down the rack of clothes you had spent too much time at. 
“Yeah,” you answered. “Just coming by to tell me he’s watching me.”
Baela shook her head “The family guard dog is back at it again.”
“Tell me about it.”
Baela had seemed to find some clothes she wanted to buy so you two headed to the registers. 
“Can I ask you something?” you asked before Baela could check out.
“Yeah?”
“Daemon mentioned that he was part of the family again. Is that true?”
“Yeah, I don’t know the specifics but about a year after you left Aemond had announced that he and Rhaenyra were no longer enemies of the family.”
You shook your head. “You’re kidding me, even after they killed Aegon?” 
Baela shrugged. “Jace said Aemond never does anything without a plan and I guess he needed them back in the family.”
You shook your head, watching as Baela put her clothes on the counter. It didn’t make sense, Aemond’s own brother being poisoned at the hands of those two. The Aemond you knew would never have sided with the people who murdered his big brother. Sure, Aegon and him had their differences and Aegon got on Aemond’s every nerve but he would never disrespect his brother like that.
And now you were being followed by some mystery guy and Daemon.
What the hell happened since you were gone?
Tag List: @dixie-elocin @liannafae @toodlesxcuddles @watercolorskyy @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @namelesslosers @tssf-imagines
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satcrvz · 3 months
Text
CHAPTER SIX: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG
navi
"what do i wear?" you ask holding up two sweatshirts that nearly looked identical.
nobara huffs before responding, "please just pick one, they look the same babe"
"i can't! am i overthinking? i'm definitely overthinking". you decide to go with the sweatshirt you were holding in your right hand. nobara calls out to you from her room, "he's literally seen you at your worst!"
you assume that she's referring to when you first saw him, when you found out that he existed. that wasn't my worst moment i was cute for a girl in pajamas.
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
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you and yuuji are almost to your destination, "you know you sounded like rapunzel asking to see the lanterns when you asked me to drive you"
"oh my god shut up i did not" you say in between giggles. he makes the final turn and there you are, yuta's house.
"oh you're just going to drop me off on the curb like i'm a whore" you say while unbuckling your seatbelt.
only his left hand is on the steering wheel and his head turns very slowly to look at you, "you want me to walk you to the door like i'm dropping you off for a playdate?"
"yeah kinda," you pause to open your door and hop out "it'd be rude if you didn't stop and say hi". the minute you heard him sigh, you knew you'd won.
you greeting yuta was a blur, you can't even remember what stupid shit you did because of your nerves. all you remember was a holy shit you muttered when you saw the entry way, to call it nice was an understatement.
currently, you were sitting criss crossed on the floor with yuta to the left of you. "so wait, you have all the games?"
"yeah! you could play the resident evil 4 remake since it's still kind of trending?" he stares at you and there's a short moment of silence before he continues, "only if you want to though, you'll have the controller, not me".
you give him a reassuring smile, "yeah that's fine! beware I am going to die though". he laughs and you swear its the cutest thing you've ever heard "it's okay, i can walk you through it" shutupshutup oh my god i'm going to scream.
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"wait why are they jumping him. just make friends with them duh”
“yn, you have to fight back” the stress was very adamant in his tone. "i can't. i wasn't paying attention when they gave instructions. . ." you glance over to the chat to see a mix of yours and yuta's fans laughing at you.
he reaches over to grab the controller from your hands, but not without "accidentally" ghosting over both of your hands holding the controller.
you watched the screen and took an occasional glance at the stream. you figured you should probably figure out what buttons he's pressing, so you look down at his hands which were actually quite nice. no dirt under them, hang nails, or anything else, it almost made you forget why you looked over at them.
"there", he says while handing the controller back to you. "dude where the fuck did you go?" you'd ended up in a completely different spot from where you initially were. "hey, i put you on the right path. you ran like, too far from where you were actually supposed to be"
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
"okay guys! i think that's it for today my back is starting to hurt, and i'm sick of someone criticizing me" you're staring directly at the chat while you say this.
"i wasn't criticizing! i mean i was, but it was helpful" he continues, "this is our first time hanging out and you're already trying to get rid of me"
"whatever. anyways bye guys!" you say while ending the stream. you bring both hands up and behind your head to stretch
"i'm hungry, i think i'm going to text yuuji to come get me"
"you don't have to, i can take you back and stop and get something, if thats okay with you?"
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teehee... do we like?
my brain was cooking but my fingers were not. do y'all fw ihop? i might make ihop the stop.
didn’t proofread this 😭
tags: @saesofficialwife @k4romis @soy-garbage @sakyira @dreamxiing @swissy23 @shnzies @captaincyberqueen @fantasycantasy @chuyasthighs0 @mixzimi @milza12 @nahoye @spookyrule @4phskingdom @sad-darksoul @morgyyyyyy @smashingdollz @bubbles-the-ghost @lunavixia @gaychaosgremlin @jayathelostdragon
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feelbokkie · 3 months
Text
Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 19
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pairing: Jisung x fem reader
genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers
pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)
warnings: swearing, mention of food and eating, slight depressive talk
summary: When she was a child, L/n Y/n was in a horrible accident that left her face disfigured.  After getting bullied relentlessly by her classmates for her appearance, Y/n escaped to the digital world where she meets Felix. Now an adult, Y/n has be come a complete social recluse, only talking to her 4 childhood best friends and roommates and her only friends. When Felix goes AFK one day in the middle of a game, Felix’s roommates decides to step in. Is this the start a new relationship or will Y/n’s crippling social anxiety get in the way?
taglist: CLOSED
word count: 3,197
screenshot count: 1
a/n: series finale is next chapter. brace yourselves.
previous | masterlist | next
©feelbokkie (2024) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.
Come find me when you wake up
It's a daunting text to wake up to after a long nap. Your one good eye scorched from the brightness of your phone after being in the dark for so long. You're not even sure when you fell asleep. You went into your thinking cave after being stumped on a coding issue from one of your freelance jobs, desperately needing to step away from all screens.
Still adjusting to the light, you keep your eyes closed as you crawl out from under your bed. You stand up as straight as you can, stretching every limb that you can.
Pop
You stand in the middle of your room. You're not even sure if you're actually awake yet. Your body is hot and exhausted. None of anything feels real. When was the last time you left your room other than to use the bathroom or to eat? You're not sure anymore. A couple of days? A week? You never stay out long enough, only to quickly eat your food and get back to work.
After a few more minutes of letting your brain catch up to the rest of your body, you finally wander out of your room. You're not sure what day it is anymore, let alone the time. You're half expecting everyone to be home when you walk into the kitchen. You're almost surprised to find only Chan sitting at the table, peeling an orange.
"Oh, you're finally awake? I was worried that you were going to be out for the rest of the day." He teases when he looks up at you. You shrug in response as you walk past him, going directly to the fridge to get some water.
It's not that you don't want to talk. You're dying to. It's almost like your voice box is missing. It's like when you were little, right after your parents died. You said one sentence before you stopped talking altogether. Where are my parents? After that, you just couldn't find the words for anything. Almost like they were caught in your throat. Like you were living a nightmare.
It makes sense why you stopped talking back then. The shock of your entire life changing in such a short amount of time will do that to you. But why it's happening now doesn't entirely make sense to you. You're shutting down, that much you know and understand but, you hadn't known Jisung all that well before meeting him. You're not sure why you're so affected by everything that happened on your birthday. You should be used to people disappointing you. You just got arrogant after Felix didn't run away screaming.
"Are you hungry?" Chan asks as you walk back to the table with your cup of water.
You shake your head before you take a sip of water. You're not sure when the last time you ate was, was it when Seungmin ate breakfast with you this morning, but you're not hungry. Or at least, you're not starving. Not yet anyway.
"Did you get my text?" Chan slides over the orange he just finished peeling towards you. Without missing a beat, he picks up another orange.
You nod again. You hesitantly pick up the orange and start eating it.
"I really, really need your help with something," He starts softly, pausing for a moment. "But you're going to need to leave the house with me for it."
Badum
You freeze mid-chew on the orange slice that you have in your mouth. Your eyes quickly shift up from the orange in your hand to Chan's eyes. Your body feels like it's vibrating. Like you didn't just eat an orange but a ball of straight caffeine.
You're fine
"I normally wouldn't ask you, especially after everything, but you're the only one I can trust to help me with this. The others...well, let's just say this isn't something that I can trust them to help with."
You slowly start chewing again, almost to the beat of your heart. You haven't left the house since your birthday. Not completely out of fear. There just hasn't been a need to leave. Everything you need is in the house. It's only a bonus that you don't have to worry about your mask falling again.
You squeeze your eyes shut as the image of Jisung's mortified face flashes in your mind.
"It'll be fine. I'll be with you the whole time and Innie can come too." Chan reassures you, almost like he was reading your mind. "Please?"
You play with the remainder of the orange in your hands, passing it back and forth as you think. You know for a fact that Chan would never willingly put you in harm's way. And that he wouldn't be asking you if he didn't have to. He's never been one to push, always so patient with you. Even when he was only a small child himself.
So, slowly, you nod in agreement before you can change your mind.
***
You're thankful for the light snowfall and freezing temperatures. It means most people are at home and not currently out. You're also thankful for the thick hood of your winter coat giving your face full coverage from the crisp winter breeze blowing around. Still, you decided it's better to wear two masks just in case.
"We're almost there," Chan hums as you squeeze his arm tighter.
You're glad he's also hearing a thick coat. With how tightly you're gripping his arm, if he wasn't wearing a thick coat, you definitely would have cut off his circulation. You feel bad about it, clinging to Chan like that, but he doesn't seem to mind.
crunch, crunch
With your left arm tightly wound around Chan's arm and Inuyasha's lead firm in your hand, the three of you walk carefully through the icy path. With your luck, you'll slip on a patch of ice, knocking both your hood and masks off. The whole time while you walked, you've been mentally preparing yourself for going into the store. Chan has been giving you small updates throughout your walk about how close you guys are to your destination.
Eventually, the two of you walk into a small store. Every corner is filled to the brim with different items. Books, trinkets, artwork--Whatever you could think of, it was probably in the store. Your hold on Inuyasha's leash becomes shorter as you now start to worry about breaking something. Or everything. Your eyes wander around the store, trying to figure out what Chan could possibly need from here. None of the items in the store are even remotely his style. It's not even the style of anyone in your family.
"We're here because I have not a single idea of what to get my girlfriend for Christmas, but I know she likes stuff like this," Chan says casually as he starts to browse the aisles. You pause, causing Chan to be yanked back towards you.
"Girlfriend?" You practically shout.
"That's what gets you talking again?" Chan smirks, amused by your reaction. It's the first time he's heard your voice in weeks and honestly, he's a bit relieved. The last time you stopped talking, it was months before anyone heard you utter even a sigh.
"What do you mean girlfriend?" You ask, trying to keep him from changing the subject. You can't even remember the last time Chan was interested in someone. If he was ever interested in someone at any point in his life. He was always so busy taking care of everyone else or working, that you don't think he even had time to develop feelings for another person.
"She's a doctor at my hospital," He pulls his arm out of your iron grip and throws it around your shoulder, urging you to start walking. "We'll have been together for three years next months."
"Three years..." You whisper to yourself as you walk around the store.
"Hey, I know what you're thinking. I didn't tell you guys about her because of my issues, not because of you. I didn't want to bring someone who was going to leave. I'm planning on inviting her over for the holidays."
None of you have ever brought someone over to meet the rest of the family before. You wouldn't have even let Jisung meet everyone as early as you did if you had any say in the matter. All of you are so used to people leaving, you never want to bring someone into your life unless you are certain. That much you understand about Chan's decision not to mention that he has a girlfriend. All of you would have done the same thing. You're not even fully convinced that Changbin is single.
"So," You clear your throat, trying to keep the conversation going. "Unni likes this type of stuff...is she an unnie?"
"She's my nuna, actually," He says sheepishly, his ears and neck becoming violently red. "And yeah, she likes this kind of stuff. She has things like this over her office...and apartment."
"Why are you getting all shy?" You laugh. This is a new side to Chan you've never really seen before. You love it.
Somehow, it's making you more at ease as you two walk around the shop. Like you two are in your own little bubble. Like a normal family. Normal.
"Because I've never talked to any of you about this stuff. It feels weird. I'm supposed to be like...this...fuck, what the word? Responsible role model? Responsible isn't the right word but role model is, I think." He picks up a small jewelry box and looks at it a bit. You're sure he's not actually interested in it. He's just trying to distract himself.
"You're my role model. Not many nineteen-year-olds would drop everything to adopt four teenagers. And work two jobs while attending university at night."
It's been almost ten years since Chan adopted all of you. You still remember it like it was yesterday. The original plan was for Chan to adopt you guys when he turned 20, giving him time to find stable housing and an even more stable job. But then the four of you overheard that the group home would be closing soon. You knew that meant that the four of you would be separated. If you were lucky, maybe two of you would get moved to the same place. Not wanting to take that risk, the four of you, only 15 and 14, decided to run away so you could stay together. With nowhere else to go, all of you found yourselves at Chan's apartment, roughly 3 hours away, in the middle of the night. Somehow, he was able to get temporary custody of you guys while he continued to work on getting a better place so he could officially adopt you.
"Hey, don't make me all emotional." He gently ruffles your hair, careful not to move your bangs. "C'mon, what should I get her?"
"You said you go to her apartment? You can get couple cups. And then like a cute little necklace. Hide it in one of the cups." You suggest, pointing at a pair of mugs with matching stuffed bears on them.
"See, I knew you'd be more helpful than the guys." He unwraps his arm from you and goes to grab the mugs.
***
"You know my girlfriend is an ER doctor but she's really good friends with the chief of cosmetic surgery. I can have her talk to him for you." Chan says, taking a sip of his coffee.
Badum
The two of you are sitting on a bench outside of the restaurant you ordered dinner from, waiting for your food to finish. Snow gently falls around you. Inuyasha is sitting next to the outdoor heater next to you. A few people walk past you, either going into the restaurant or one of the other shops on the street. One of the nearby stores plays Christmas music to add to the atmosphere.
Your head snaps up towards him, heart pounding in your ears. Inuyasha gets up from his spot on the floor, hopping on the bench and resting his cold head in your lap. "How did you..."
"I wasn't snooping around your room," Chan starts, turning his body towards you. "When I came looking for you earlier, I tripped on something in your room and bumped into your desk. It woke up your computer and I guess that was one of the last things you were looking at."
You turn your attention to your lap, your thumbs fiddling with the lid of your hot chocolate. This isn't how you wanted this conversation to go. You were planning to quietly save money and go to all the necessary appointments by yourself. And the day of the surgery, that's when you finally going to tell everyone. When they couldn't try to talk you out of it. You knew they'd worry if you told them about it now. Seungmin would go overboard doing all sorts of research and bombard you with his newly acquired facts. Both Hyunjin and Changbin would try to convince you that you look fine without cosmetic surgery. Hyunjin would probably look up different art pieces to show you the beauty in imperfections while Changbin would try to force you out again. And Chan would try his best to give you some sage advice.
You're certain now, that he didn't need your help picking out a gift for his girlfriend. He wanted to lure you into a false sense of security for one of those lectures now. You thought dads only did that in movies. Maybe that's why he's doing it now. His only frames of reference for a father figure are fictional ones. Except, no movie could have ever prepared him for this. It would be easier for both of you if you were pregnant or something.
"I'm not going to sit here and tell you not to do it." Chan's hand lands on your back, softly moving up and down. "It's your body and you're an adult, you can do whatever you want with it. I may not entirely agree with it, but if this is what you really, truly want then I'll support you. You can get it done at my hospital and I'll help you pay for it. At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy. And if this will make you happy, then I'm all for it."
You're not sure why, if it's the softness in his voice or something else altogether, but you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. You're beyond tired. It's not just the past few weeks that's weighing down on you, it's the past couple of decades. You're tired of being treated differently because of how you look. Of missing out on opportunities out of fear. Fear that's burned so deeply in your psyche, you don't think you'll ever be able to get over it. You're tired of ruining photographs, memories--everything. You wish, just for a moment, everything would stop so you could breathe.
"I j-just want to be n-normal," You choke out through a broken sob.
You want to live a normal life. You want to walk around without having to wear a mask. With your hair up and out of your face, actually feeling the sun kiss your skin and not freeze in fear. You want a life where Inuyasha is just a pet and take him on normal walks without him having to be on alert for you. You want to have friends that you can hang out with in public that aren't embarrassed to be seen with you. You want to go on dates with Jisung and hold hands in public without worrying about people questioning why he's with you. You want to be able to kiss Jisung. You just want to live like everyone else.
"That's probably the most normal thing about you." Chan pulls out a napkin from his pocket and hands it to you.
"Wh...what?" You question as you take the napkin, wiping your tears before the cold freezes them on your face.
"It's rare...to find someone who likes every aspect of themselves. That's probably the one thing every human can agree on: disliking some aspect of themselves. I don't like my nose. Seungmin doesn't like his smile. Hyunjin doesn't like the beauty mark under his eye or the way he sweats. Changbin didn't like how skinny he used to be. That's normal,"
"Yeah but that's different--"
"Then go ahead and fix what you think is wrong with you. That's normal too. But I can promise you, you'll end up finding something else you don't like about yourself. And you can spend the rest of your life fixing all these little 'imperfections' or, you can learn to live with them. Or at the very least, find someone who loves them and teaches you how to embrace them. And you already have the latter."
You sniffle quietly for a bit, trying to understand what Chan is getting at to no avail. "What are you talking about?"
"Han Jisung," He says simply.
You quickly shake your head, leaning back into your seat. "No, you weren't there. You didn't see the look on his face."
"You didn't see the look on his face."
You turn to Chan, raising your eyebrow in confusion. You know for a fact that Chan was nowhere near the aquarium before you called Hyunjin to pick you up.
"He came by the house a few times. I convinced him to stop coming for his safety. Luckily for him, Changbin was at work and I answered the door. If he really was scared of you or disgusted by your face or whatever you imagined, he wouldn't be making the trip to our house as frequently as he was. That idiot is in love with you."
BADUM
"He...told you that?"
"He didn't have to. It's written all over his face. That man is so in love with you, I kinda wanna punch him. But that just might be my overprotective side."
Both of you are quiet for a moment. You're processing everything Chan just dumped on you while he just drinks his coffee. It's not possible, you think. Your own self-image is so extremely warped and damaged from years of torment. He's seen the same thing that everyone else has, there's no way that he's in love with you.
You watch as the waiter from inside the restaurant waves at you and Chan, signaling for you to get your food. Your eyes drop back to your hot chocolate, which is probably more like chocolate milk at this point, as Chan pulls his hand away from your back and stands up.
"The five of us were dealt pretty shitty cards in this life. You got the worst hand, I think, " Chan says, turning back to you. You can see the cloud of air from his breath as he talks, "But god or the universe or whatever is finally delivering karmic retribution starting with Han. At the very least, hear him out before you do anything."
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justagalwhowrites · 8 months
Text
New in Town - Ch. 4: First Cookout
Sarah invites you to Joel's place to celebrate the last night she's in town. A continuation of New in Town chapters 1-3 found on Tumblr here.
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Pairing: Best Friend's Dad!Joel Miller x Female Reader
CW: Smut. Because obviously smut. It's these two, they fuck. No use of Y/N. Age gap (reader is 35 Joel is 47, not a focus of the fic). Minors DNI, 18+ only
Length: 5.8k
AO3 | First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
“And this is going to be your desk,” you smiled, excited but keeping your voice down. Sarah made a quiet squeal back at you. “See, I can see you from my desk so you can make faces at me while I’m dealing with the boring accounts people. I’m manifesting it, I swear I am.” 
“I’m seriously about to make a fucking moodboard if it’ll help,” she sat on the desk, her legs dangling over the edge. “I miss Austin. I didn’t think I’d miss it this much but I really do. Seattle was way more fun when you were there, now all I do is try to convince myself that my job is totally worth the 500 days of rain we get every year.”
You laughed.
“Something tells me it’s not quite that many.” 
“Feels like that many,” she rolled her eyes. “Now please. I need BBQ.” 
You shook your head and laughed before heading to the elevators to go to lunch with your best friend. 
Joel had texted you a warning with his usual good morning text that day. 
“Good morning, Beautiful,” he wrote. “Really miss feeling you right before I fall asleep. Please tell me you’re not busy tomorrow night. Heads up, expect Sarah to drop in on you today. I have to be at a site for a few hours and she mentioned stopping by your office. She’ll probably invite you to the cookout we’re having tonight - up to you if you want to come.” 
You frowned when you read it. “Up to you if you want to come.” What the fuck did that mean? 
“Miss feeling you too,” you added a heart emoji. “Only plans I have for tomorrow night involve you ripping my clothes off.” 
You rapped your nails against your phone, waiting to see if he’d text back before you started getting ready for the day but he didn’t. You sighed. He probably had to be on site early and couldn’t use his phone. 
“Goddammit,” you muttered, putting your face in your pillow and groaning. How were you supposed to navigate this? 
Did Joel want you to come but was trying to keep the pressure off? Did he not want you anywhere near him when Sarah was in town? 
Yes, he’d spent a fair bit of time fucking your brains out over the past few weeks but, in reality, he wasn’t anything to you. He was a guy you’d gone out with once, he wasn’t your boyfriend, he didn’t have to invite you over for anything let alone something that might make him feel uncomfortable because you were friends with his kid. Even though, to you, he felt like so much more than some guy you were fucking. So, so much more. 
And also your best friend’s dad. 
Because fate was a cruel, cruel thing. 
You checked your phone every few minutes as you got ready for work but the messages sat on delivered. You sighed and resisted the urge to text again and just kept checking your phone every few minutes in your office, too. 
“Wouldn’t argue with some help in the clothing removal department,” he wrote. “I’m going to want you naked fast. Requesting something with easy access so I can get inside you ASAP.” 
You smiled and shook your head a little. 
“Still warm enough for a sundress,” you sent a winky face emoji with that and briefly considered going to the bathroom to take a selfie that involved an unprofessional amount of cleavage. 
“Jesus Christ,” he sent back. “Pull me in a restroom wearing one of those and we’re not stopping at you humping my leg.” 
“Counting on it,” you wrote, smiling a little wider before deciding to just bite the bullet. “Did you want me to go tonight? If Sarah asks?” 
“What’s go you smiling so big?” 
You almost jumped out of your skin when you saw Sarah leaning against the doorframe to your office. 
“Good lord, girl, we gotta put a bell on you,” you smiled anyway, being sure to lock your phone before getting up to hug her. “What are you doing here?” 
“My dad had some client issue so I figure I’d come visit my bestie,” she gave you a squeeze before stepping back from you. “Plus I’m dying to see where I’m going to commute to every day once they finally let me come here.” 
Sarah picked the restaurant, a BBQ place that wasn’t far from your office and only offered wooden picnic tables sitting under a rusted metal awning for seating. 
“Oh this is going to be good shit,” you said, taking a deep breath, the smell of smoked meat heavy on the air. “I can tell.” 
“Knew you’d love this place,” she smiled. “Kind of surprised my dad hasn’t taken you here already, actually.” 
You froze for half a second before regaining your composure. 
“We’ve only gone out the one time since the first time we met up,” you shrugged. “Can’t exactly show me the entire city in that time.” 
The two of you got in line, the place starting to get crowded now that it was pushing noon. 
“I know,” she rolled her eyes. “I just really thought you guys would hit it off I guess.” 
Well you’d definitely done that. 
“Does it really bother you that I’m not hitting the town with your dad more?” You asked, teasing. 
“Kind of, actually,” she laughed. “You know those stupid TV episodes they do where the cast of one show goes on another show?” 
“The crossover ones?” You frowned.” 
“Right,” she nodded. The line moved and the two of you stepped forward. “This was like… my real life crossover episode and it just kinda flopped. Like my two favorite characters finally were in the same place and just didn’t have the chemistry for good TV.” 
Yeah, chemistry? Not your issue with Joel. 
“I’ll be sure to lodge your complaint with the writers,” you said dryly. “Tell them to get their shit together.” 
You talked Sarah into ordering the meats you didn’t so you could try at least a bite of everything and you were almost uncomfortably full when you dropped your final wet napkin on the butcher paper covered tray in front of you. 
“Oh, hey, meant to ask you before,” she said, polishing off her Dr. Pepper. “Did you have any plans tonight? My dad caved and is grilling out. My Uncle Tommy is coming over, his wife Maria, a few neighbors who have known me since I was in diapers and who can tell you every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done…” 
“I don’t think they can tell me about the time you got drunk at karaoke night and tried to take the mic from that guy who was making an ass of himself,” you smirked. 
Sarah groaned, throwing her head back and laughing.
“Oh my God, I forgot about that!”
You laughed, too, and took a second to check your phone to see if Joel had gotten back to you. 
He had. 
“Love for you to come,” he wrote. “Just going to be hell keeping my hands to myself all night. But would rather do that than not see you.” 
You smiled a little and put your phone down. 
“Yeah, I’ll come,” you said. “Just tell me what I can bring.” 
You were almost giddy by the time you got home. It’s not like you’d seen Joel every day since you’d met him but the option always felt like it was there. You’d only texted a bit since the phone sex Sunday and it felt like it had been eons since you’d gotten to touch him. You wondered if it would be weird if you gave him a hug when Sarah was there. You could get away with a hug, right? 
You pulled out a few outfit options, trying to find something that would make Joel want to check you out but not look like you were trying to get him to check you out. You pulled the shirts out and hung them on your floor length mirror so they were next to each other when you got an idea. 
You stripped out of your work clothes and changed into your favorite matching bra and panty set, standing in front of the mirror with the shirts still hanging on it, arranging yourself so you could see your body between the clothes. You took a picture. 
“Which shirt for tonight?” You typed, sending the picture to Joel. 
He responded while you were jumping into your jeans, the denim tight on your thighs and hips. 
“You’re cruel, you know that right?” He wrote. “I vote green. Feel like you’ll cause less trouble in the green.” 
The green was a little tamer, you supposed. The v-neck wasn’t quite as low, the eyelet lace softer and almost girlish. You smiled a little. 
“You’re right,” you wrote back. “Black it is.” 
Black was a wrap top, with a deeper v-neck, something that would highlight your curves even more. And give Joel easy access.
“You’re a menace,” he texted. 
“I know :)” 
You got dressed and stopped by HEB on your way over, picking up a dozen bottles of Shiner. You’d had to consciously toe the line of trying without trying too hard and you stomach was in knots as you walked up to his front door. What if your hair or your makeup or your shoes or the tightness of your jeans screamed “I’m fucking the man who lives in this house”? 
But you took a deep breath and rang the doorbell anyway. It didn’t take long for it Sarah to rip it open with a squeal, pulling you inside. 
“I’m so glad you came!” She said, jumping a little as she pulled away from you. “This is going to be so much fun, I promise. See, we’re going to do shit like this all the time when I move down here. We gotta manifest it, girl, I’m telling you. It’s even more fun when it’s summer and people want to swim because getting drunk in a pool that’s not open to every other idiot in your apartment complex is seriously the best pass time.” 
“I can only imagine,” you smiled. “And, I brought beer!” 
You held up the six packs just as Joel went rushing past, on his way to the kitchen. But he doubled back and stopped, a slow smile spreading across his face as he looked you up and down from over Sarah’s shoulder. You smirked just a little and he shook his head slightly, smiling. 
“Good to see you,” he said, stepping around Sarah for a somewhat awkward hug. He lowered his voice, his lips next to your ear, speaking so softly you could barely hear him. “Menace.” 
He stepped back and you smiled wider. 
“Good to see you, too.” 
Joel took the beers from your hands and his eyes lingered a little too long on your chest - not that you were arguing. 
“Come on,” Sarah slipped her hand into yours. “I want you to meet everybody!” 
She tugged you along behind her to the backyard, you giving Joel an apologetic smirk over your shoulder, people standing in little clusters around the pool. You spotted Joel’s brother immediately, the resemblance hard to miss. He was standing next to a beautiful woman with braids half way down her back, his arm around her waist. You smiled a little. You remembered dropping Sarah off at the airport when she flew down the year before for her uncle’s wedding. 
“Have fun!” You said, putting her duffle bag on her shoulder as your car sat with the emergency flashers on in the loading zone. 
“Yeah, this is going to be a disaster,” she said. “There’s no way they’re making it down the aisle. I haven’t met Maria but it’s Tommy. He’s jumped from woman to woman since before I was born, the day he settles down is the day hell freezes over.” 
When you picked her up again three days later, she had a different story. 
“So did they actually get hitched?” You asked as she flopped heavily into the passenger seat. 
“Holy shit, they did. She is the only woman on the planet who could actually get him to settle down,” she said. “And by some miracle, she wanted to. No accounting for taste with some people…” 
You laughed and headed to your favorite bar to hear all about it. You hadn’t really expected to ever really meet him except maybe in passing at Sarah’s wedding one day. Now you were meeting him in your - boyfriend’s? Fuck buddy’s? Who knows what’s? - backyard. 
“Tommy, Maria!” Sarah called as the two of you worked your way around the pool. “Got someone for you to meet, she’s new in town and in desperate need of social contacts.” 
She made the introductions and Tommy laughed when he heard your name. 
“The infamous best friend,” he smiled, pulling you in for a hug. “She as bad an influence on you as she was on me?” 
“Oh shut up,” she rolled her eyes. 
“She talked me into grand larceny once,” Tommy said, pointing accusingly at Sarah with the beer bottle in his hand. 
“Did she now?” You asked, brows raised. 
“Oh yes,” he nodded, smiling cheekily. “She was seven and Joel said she couldn’t have all her Halloween candy on Halloween…” 
“A crime, really,” she smiled, grabbing Tommy’s beer and taking a drink before giving it back. 
“And she was so cute, these big eyes and her little princess costume and her hair going in about a million different directions…” 
“Yeah, Dad hadn’t figured out how to handle that yet,” she laughed a little. 
“I caved,” Tommy said. “I put up a valiant fight…” 
“You said yes immediately!” Sarah scoffed. “I barely even had to pout…” 
“She was a monster,” Tommy cut her off. “I was at her mercy, I swear!” 
“And then what happened?” Joel asked, joining your little circle with two beers in hand. He wordlessly pressed one into your palm. You smiled a little at him and he brushed his hand down your spine on his way to putting it in his back pocket. “C’mon, you two partners in crime, finish that story. What happened?” 
“Nothing that bad,” Tommy waved him off. 
“Yeah, it was fine,” Sarah said. “No lasting damage…” 
“For you two maybe,” Joel laughed. “I was the one who was up until 3 in the morning washing all her bedding and scrubbin’ the wall of her room because she projectile vomited three pounds of candy like she was starring in the damn Exorcist.” 
You laughed as Sarah and Tommy both tried to downplay it and Maria just lovingly patted her husband’s shoulder, rolling her eyes. While everyone was distracted, you snuck a look at Joel. Just a second to actually look at his face as he laughed and smiled with his family. It was a little unfair, how good looking he was. Somehow both rugged and soft, handsome and beautiful and you had to resist the urge to reach up and twist your fingers in his slightly unruly curls. You looked back at Sarah before anyone said anything and took a sip of beer. 
Sarah got sidetracked talking with Tommy and you took advantage of it, leaning in to whisper in Joel’s ear. 
“You’re really hot,” you said quietly. “Also, I got you a present, it’s in my purse.” 
“Oh really?” He raised his eyebrows, a devious look on his face. 
You rolled your eyes. 
“Not that exciting,” you said. 
“What are you two conspiring about?” Maria asked and you almost flinched as Tommy and Sarah turned their attention to you. 
“Just how to get this one to stop meddlin’,” Joel said smoothly, nodding to his daughter. 
“I do not meddle,” she replied. “I just nudge people in the right direction. Because I’m smarter than them.” 
You got along well with Joel’s brother and sister-in-law. Tommy seemed more like a big brother to Sarah than an uncle, which made sense when they talked about her childhood years. Tommy was six years younger than Joel, just 16 when Sarah came into the world. So while he adored his niece, he wasn’t exactly mature enough to be a parent-like figure. It sounded like he’d helped his brother out a lot but had been more of a friend to Sarah than anything else. 
You liked watching her and Joel with their friends and family, the easy familiarity of it all, the comfort of having history with people. It was something that was missing from your life. 
Sure, you liked your life. You liked it quite a bit, actually. You had a job you enjoyed that paid you good money, you’d lived in some interesting places - Seattle, three years in New York City, an internship in Chicago, even Washington D.C. for a bit - and you could do just about whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. That was the beauty of not having anything to tie you down. The cost just meant not having roots and, sometimes, that hurt. 
Joel disappeared inside at one point and, after taking quick stock of the backyard to make sure no one else was inside with him, you followed. You slipped into the entry and grabbed your purse, pulling out the bag of Fire Sour Patch Kids you’d seen in the candy aisle on your way to grab beer when you stopped at the store earlier that day. 
Joel was in the kitchen cutting vegetables for burger toppings and you climbed on the counter next to the cutting board. He looked up at you out of the corner of his eye, trying to hide his smile while he shook his head. 
“Meant what I said about you bein’ a menace,” he said, his eyes on the knife. “You’re torture. Beautiful torture but torture.” 
“We aim to please,” you smiled, holding out the candy. He frowned for a second, drying his hands on his jeans, before he laughed and took the bag. “Warned you it wasn’t exciting…” 
“This is great, Beautiful,” he leaned in and kissed you lightly, like it was an automatic thing, as though you did this in his kitchen all the time. “Been wantin’ to try these and then I never buy the damn things….” 
“I’ll help you eat them if they suck,” you smiled. “And you can help me eat them if they don’t.” 
He smiled again and moved in front of you, nudging your legs apart so he was standing between your thighs  and he leaned in and kissed you - really kissed you. His tongue dipped into your mouth, his hands sliding up your legs to your waist as he tugged you closer. You draped your arms over his shoulders and pressed yourself against him and savored his touch. Fuck, you’d missed this. It had only been a few days but it felt like an eternity of him being out of reach and it was almost reassuring to feel the way his hands fit against your body even after some time apart. 
“Fuck, you’re trouble,” he was breathless when he pulled away from you, his hands still on your body. “Just couldn’t wear the green, could ya?” 
“And miss out on this?” You teased, running your fingers through his hair. “Never.” 
Sarah sat between the two of you at dinner, the best spot for you and Joel to be in when you thought about it. Next to you was too much temptation, you’d end up touching each other and then not be able to help yourselves and that was bad. 
Across wasn’t great, either, as you’d discovered at dinner the other night. If you could just check each other out the whole night, that wasn’t the safe way to go. Not to mention the opportunities for playing footsie under the table. 
No no, you needed a better way to keep your hands to yourselves and Sarah was a great barrier for that - both literally and metaphorically - and you managed to get through the meal without any big slip ups. Something you were pretty damn proud of, if you did say so yourself. 
You excused yourself to the bathroom as things were in that easy after dinner conversation stage of the evening, everyone pleasantly full and a little drunk, Sarah laughing with a neighbor from down the street whose name you’d forgotten. But when you opened the bathroom door to head back outside, Joel was there, pushing you back into the room and closing the door behind him. 
“Joel!” You hissed, his hands on your waist. 
“You really can’t expect me to wait when you show up lookin’ this damn good,” he growled, boosting you up so you were perched on the edge of the sink. “Everyone’s too busy to even notice we’re gone…” 
His mouth found your neck and your chest as he untied your top, his tongue and teeth ranging over your skin and you couldn’t help but moan at his attention, your body already feeling warm and wanting. Joel stepped back from you a he fully opened your shirt, revealing your body to him as though it were some wondrous thing, moaning as he did. 
“Fuck Beautiful,” his hands trailed up your exposed skin to cup your breasts through your bra. “Ain’t fair how one person can look this damn good…” 
“Had to pull you away from the grill somehow,” you smiled, tugging him back against you and kissing him. He kissed you back, getting more and more desperate as he did. He pulled your breasts free of their cups so he could suck at them and hold them in his large hands, moaning into you. Your hands ran down his body to find his cock hard in his jeans, feeling him through the fabric, desperately wishing you could just rip all his clothes off and get him inside you. 
“Think you can come from just your clit?” He asked, breathless, as he licked and sucked your neck. 
“Yes,” you moaned. “Think you can come from just my hand?” 
“It’d take less than that,” he panted as he opened your jeans and slid his hand inside as best he could, his finger finding your clit quickly. He ghosted over it with his finger, making you squirm and moan. “Fuck, Beautiful, you close already?” 
“Maybe,” you panted as he pressed a little harder against the sensitive nub. You reached down to pull out his cock to start jerking him off but he caught your hand. You whined a little. 
“Not yet,” he kissed back up to your mouth, holding his lips a fraction of an inch away from yours. “Lemme take care of you…” 
He kissed you then, his tongue slipping into you as his finger pressed into your clit. You groaned and rocked your hips on him and you felt him smile against your lips. He started rubbing you in slow, aching circles, adding a little pressure every time around, matching his kiss to the pace of his fingers. You moaned desperately against him and he picked up his pace, working you over until you were gasping into his mouth while you came from his fingers. 
“Fuck,” you panted as Joel slipped his hand from your pants. “How are you so goddamn good at that?” 
“You’re so pretty when you come it’s easy to remember what does it,” he replied, stepping back from you. You slid off the sink but, instead of fixing your bra and closing your shirt, you dropped to your knees and started unzipping his fly. “Baby…” 
“I can be quick,” you said, looking up at him through your eyelashes as you freed his cock. You never really got used to hot big he was - thick, heavy, long. But you’d be fine choking on him if it meant making him come. 
You started by licking his head and he let out a shuddering little moan and you smiled a little, lapping at the dripping pre-come at his slit like he was your favorite flavor of ice cream. Which, he kind of was. Heady and masculine and Joel, knowing that he was dripping because of you made you want him even more. 
Instead of taking the more gradual route, you took him into your mouth and throat all at once, having to swallow around the head of him as he pushed past your gag reflex. His hand flew to your head, fingers twisting in your hair and sinking into the thin layer of flesh over your skull. 
“Oh fuck,” he panted. “Oh my fucking god…..” 
You sucked him and moaned, the vibration of your vocal chords working the tip of him as it was lodged in your throat. You pressed your tongue against the thick vein that ran along the underside of him before you started pulling back, his grip on your head relaxing just enough to let you do it. You worked is cock up and down, sucking and licking and taking him into your mouth until you started to cough. He panted and moaned as you worked him until, eventually, he was clinging to the sink to stay upright. 
“Fuck, please Baby, I need to come,” he groaned. You smiled as much as you could when your mouth was full of his thick cock. “Lemme… can I…” 
You looked up at him, eyes wide, as you slid down him so he was buried in your mouth to the root and you hummed your approval. His hands immediately flew to your head and he started fucking into your mouth. You took it, swallowing past your gag reflex with each deep stroke. He didn’t last long, just a few pumps, before he was spilling into you, moaning quietly as he did. You swallowed it all, his cock so deep in your throat you could barely even taste him as he pumped his come into you. 
“Fuck,” he all but collapsed against the sink and you carefully slid his cock from your mouth and got up, wiping your mouth on the back of your wrist. You adjusted your bra and tied your shirt again. 
“Worth it?” You teased. 
“Jesus Christ woman,” he groaned. “You’re gonna kill me.” 
You smiled and kissed his cheek before you went to leave the bathroom but he grabbed your arm, pulling you back against him to kiss you deep and long. You tried to hide your surprise. Other guys you’d been with weren’t huge on kissing you after you went down on them. Joel didn’t seem to mind. But then, Joel just wasn’t like other men. You smiled as you pulled back from him and he laughed a little. 
“What?” You frowned. 
“We made a mess of your makeup,” he jerked his head toward the mirror, tucking his cock back in his pants as you checked your reflection. Your lipstick had smeared and you laughed a little, too. 
“Good thing I have more in my bag,” you said, grabbing a sheet of toilet paper and cleaning up what you could. “See you back out there?” 
“Once I remember how to walk again,” he teased. 
It was sheer luck that Maria came in to use the bathroom as you adjusted your lipstick in the entryway mirror and not a few minutes earlier and you popped a breath mint so you could think about something besides the fact that the last thing in your mouth had been Joel’s cock when you talked with Sarah. 
You left only about an hour later, giving Sarah a long hug as she walked you to your car. 
“I’ll be back again soon for Thanksgiving,” she smiled, squeezing you tight. “Just manifest with me!” 
“I’m manifesting so hard I might break something,” you smiled back, trying to ignore the knot of guilt in your stomach about hiding something so big from her. 
“And seriously,” she said, stepping back from you. “If you need a friend before I get down here…” 
“Call the whole Miller clan,” you smiled. “I got it.” 
“Good,” she said. “We’ll just make a Miller out of you yet.” 
You tried to ignore how your heart skipped a beat at the thought of that. 
“Sounds good to me.” 
Joel came straight to your place after dropping Sarah off at the airport the next night. You answered the door in a sundress - as promised - expecting to go to dinner. 
Which, in hindsight, was foolish. 
“Fuck,” you said, looking Joel up and down. He had flowers. He was in a plain, dark t-shirt that was tight around his biceps, his jeans hanging just right on his hips. 
“What?” He frowned. 
“Just get in here and let me fuck you,” you said, grabbing his shirt and pulling him into your apartment. 
The flowers were quickly abandoned on the breakfast bar in your kitchen as you kissed him, tugging his shirt off and casting it aside before you dragged him to the bedroom. 
“We gotta eat at some point tonight, Baby,” he said between kisses as you shoved him down on the bed. 
“That’s fine,” you panted, stepping out of your panties and casting them aside. “We can do this twice.” 
“Fuck, you’re fucking perfect,” he said, lifting his hips so he could slide his pants down a little and sitting so his back was against your headboard. He started working his cock, already hard in the palm of his hand. You straddled him, the skirt of your dress hiding your dripping pussy and his leaking cock from view. He kept one hand on his cock but the other went to your hips as you lowered yourself toward him until your pussy brushed his thick head. “Oh shit, fuck Beautiful, I need… Fuck, need inside you, I need to be inside you…” 
“I know,” you breathed before sinking onto his cock with a shaking moan. His other hand flew to your waist, too, pulling you down on him so his whole length was sheathed within you. You panted for breath as your body adjusted to the intrusion. “I need you, too.” 
“Fuck,” his head fell back against the headboard. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good every time, s’like I belong in this pussy, like your pussy was made to take this cock.” 
“Made to ride this cock,” you moaned, starting to rise and fall over him with a satisfied groan. Joel somehow hit all the right angles inside you, the thickness of his shaft stretching you deliciously, his head finding the sensitive place deep inside you and pressing against it, making your pussy start to tighten around him. 
“Oh shit,” his grip on you got firmer, his fingers sinking into the soft flesh of you. “Want you to come on this cock, Beautiful. Want you to use me to get yourself off, fuck, Baby, make yourself come on my cock…” 
You buried your face in his neck and breathed in his deep, clean, masculine scent and started riding him harder, adjusting your hips so your clit was leaving an obscene, messy streak of your slick up and down his bare stomach. You licked and sucked at his neck as you rode him, fucking down on him hard and fast and grinding your clit against him. As your body tightened, you sat up straighter, pressing your forehead to his own so you could see his face, the liquid heat in you centering around where he was inside you until you came with a desperate moan around him. 
“There we go,” he almost sounded like he was in pain he was so desperate. “Fuck, you come so fuckin’ pretty Baby, so goddamn pretty. Feel so good, coming on my cock, better than anything else, fuck Beautiful, I can’t…” 
Joel took control of your hips then, pumping you up and down his shaft and you tried to help as best you could as you rode out your orgasm. His hips fucked up into you hard and fast until he was emptying himself into you, moaning as he did. 
You collapsed on top of him, panting for breath and he went from holding your hips to wrapping his arms around you, holding you close to him. You stayed like that for a few minutes, your breaths synchronizing as you both came back down from our highs. 
“So,” you said, breathing not quite back to normal yet. “Dinner?” 
He laughed. 
“Dinner.” 
When you fell asleep in Joel’s arms that night, all naked and entwined with him, you were starting to think that you could get used to this. That you wanted to do this all the time, every day. Do all of life’s stupid little things with him, go grocery shopping with him and pay the water bill with him and deal with traffic jams with him. 
You just weren’t sure how to talk about that yet. 
But that was OK. You were getting there, you could tell. 
When Joel kissed you goodbye in the morning, he brushed your hair back from your forehead so he could kiss you there too. 
“Leaving already?” You mumbled. 
“‘Fraid so,” he said softly. “Need to get an early start at the job site. Can I see you tonight?” 
You just hummed in response. He frowned. 
“That’s a yes, I hope,” he said. You nodded and you opened your eyes just enough to see him smile broadly. “I’ll text you. Have a good day, Baby.” 
“You too,” you mumbled into your pillow. 
When you got up an hour later, there was a sticky note on your coffee maker, telling you to check your fridge. Inside was an iced latte from the coffee shop down the street and you smiled so big it was hard to do your makeup as you got ready to go. 
You were still on cloud nine when you were getting ready to take a client to lunch that afternoon, doing a last check of your makeup when you got a call from the reception desk downstairs. 
“Someone’s here for you,” the receptionist sounded skeptical. “I’m not letting him back without you.” 
“No problem,” you laughed. “We’re going off site for lunch, tell him I’ll be down in a minute.” 
You went to the lobby, looking for someone who at least vaguely resembled the headshot from your client’s website when you did a double take. 
The man sitting on the couch in reception smiled when he saw you and your heart sank into your stomach as he headed for you. 
“Hey Angel,” he smiled. 
You couldn’t smile back. 
“Shit.”  
Next Chapter
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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year
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Chapter 6
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5
“Oh would you look who decided to acknowledge I exist?”
Steve didn’t hold back his eye roll at Robin’s words since she couldn’t see him. He’d decided to call her on the walk to his car after work, just to update her on things and make sure she was okay if he wasn’t home right after work.
“We just saw each other yesterday.”
“More than 24 hours ago, Steve.”
“We are two separate humans, Robin.”
“But only one brain. Look at you separating a whole brain. This is why I couldn’t concentrate today. You took it with you.”
“Are you done?” Steve sighed. “If you’re done, I need to talk to my best friend.”
“What’s wrong?” Robin’s tone went from slightly annoyed to concerned, which meant she’d never actually been that annoyed to begin with.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to let you know I’ll be home late.”
Please don’t ask, please just accept it, don’t ask, don’t ask.
“Why?”
Fuck.
“Just stopping by Eddie’s for a bit.”
He was met with complete silence. He pulled his phone away to make sure the call hadn’t been dropped. It hadn’t.
“Robs?”
“Steve. I’m saying this because I love you.” Oh boy, here we go. “I’m worried.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. I’m just hanging out for a bit and then coming home.”
“You’ve practically lived with him since Saturday!”
“Okay, just because I slept over…”
“Twice! In a row!”
“It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Uh huh. It doesn’t mean anything except you have barely been home and you literally went to subspace and dropped and probably subspace again with this stranger who did one nice tattoo and suddenly you’re ready to fly to Vegas and forget me!”
Ah. Steve let himself feel guilty for a moment before he remembered her insistence just a few weeks before that he needed to find other friends besides her, be social, maybe find a boyfriend.
Well, now he was doing some of that and she had a problem?
“I’m just enjoying my time with someone new. This is what you’ve wanted me to do forever, right?”
“Not like this!”
“Oh, I’m sorry I’m not following your rules for my friendships.”
“This isn’t a friendship, this is some weird sexual situation that’s gonna end up messy and you’re gonna end up hurt. It’ll be Nancy all over again.”
That hurt. Robin had been the one to get him through the Nancy heartbreak, always offering whatever support he needed while he worked through his disappointment that turned into an identity crisis that turned into a bit of a change of personality. She never judged him for his response to it. She was the perfect friend.
Having her throw it at him like this left a sour taste in his mouth and a hollowness in his chest.
She’d never spoken to him like this, not even when they got into stupid little arguments about cleaning the common areas of the apartment that sometimes escalated more than they should. This felt like she was jealous and taking it out on him.
Jealous of what though? She never seemed interested in having an actual relationship, and she was out all the time, leaving him to fend for himself in their apartment.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt, Steve.”
“Yeah, well. I appreciate the concern.”
Steve hung up. It wasn’t the mature thing to do, he knew that. But he was hurt, and he didn’t want to make things worse by letting the hurt out on her. He would talk to her when he got back home.
They were best friends, platonic soulmates. They’d get past this.
But for now, Steve turned his notifications off on his phone, got in his car, and drove to Eddie’s house.
– - – – – –
He made it inside with no issues, putting the key back under the mat once the front door was unlocked.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket once he was inside, ignoring the many texts from Robin to send a quick text to Eddie.
Made it home. Gonna make spaghetti. That okay?
He was looking around the kitchen to find all of the things he’d need when his phone started buzzing.
Eddie was calling.
“Hey, thought you’d be with the client.”
“I am, but it’s a friend. She’s taking a break. How was the rest of your day?”
Steve didn’t want him to know about his fight with Robin, not when most of it revolved around how quickly he was becoming attached to him.
“It was fine. Um, spaghetti’s okay? I just figured you probably had stuff for it.”
Eddie didn’t immediately respond, and Steve tried not to let himself worry.
“Spaghetti’s perfect. What happened, sunshine?”
How did he know? Steve was notorious for hiding his feelings from people, he’d been a champion for most of his life out of self-preservation.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” Steve was putting everything into being convincing.
Eddie was at work, he didn’t need to deal with Steve’s problems.
“Stevie, did something upset you? Do you need me to come home?”
God, of course he would offer to hurry back. He was so nice and Steve didn’t deserve it.
“Steve. I will leave right now and come back, just say the word.”
“No, no. I’m okay. Just had an argument with Robin. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sorry, sunshine. What will help?”
He didn’t know. He didn’t think he could really talk about it right now. He didn’t want Eddie to feel like he had to talk him through it when he was with a client.
He started to feel worse.
“I think maybe I should head back early tonight. Make sure I see her before she goes to bed.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll be done here in an hour. You don’t have to cook anything, I’ll just grab us something on the way.”
“No. It’ll keep me busy. Can I cook please?”
He didn’t mean to sound so whiny, or practically beg, but it must have worked because Eddie gave in.
“If you really want to, you can cook. But I want you to go change into my clothes first, okay?”
Thank God Eddie couldn’t see the redness of his cheeks spreading down his neck.
“Okay. Can I wear your hoodie?”
He knew it would smell like him, and he knew it was soft, and he knew it would make him feel a million times better.
“Yeah, sweetheart. It’s on the bed. I’ll text you when I leave here, but call me if you need me before that.”
“I will.”
“Good boy. See you soon, sunshine.”
Steve felt warmer, lighter, more like he could handle the feelings Robin brought up. He knew if he could feel like this for a little bit, he could easily handle whatever conversation they’d have when he got home.
— — — — — —
Steve was so focused on the sauce he was making, he didn’t hear the front door open or footsteps come through the living room and into the kitchen or Eddie walking up behind him.
He felt strong arms wrap around his chest from behind, a soft kiss placed on his temple.
He leaned back against the warmth of Eddie, the calm he exuded taking over the whole kitchen.
“Welcome home, Eds.”
“Mm. Could get used to that,” Eddie said as he kissed Steve’s cheek, then his jaw, his neck.
Steve was doing his best to stay focused. He was cooking dinner, right.
He started to lean forward, but Eddie pulled him back again.
“Babe, I have to cook,” Steve giggled.
“Not done,” Eddie said against his neck, teeth barely scraping against Steve’s pulse point and causing him to let out a moan.
“I don’t.” Kiss. “Want this.” Kiss. “To.” Tongue.
Fuck.
“You keep cooking, sunshine. I’m just gonna enjoy my appetizer.”
“But I made garlic bread,” Steve pouted, pulling away as much as Eddie would let him. “For an appetizer.”
Eddie pulled away and looked at Steve, blinking at him as if he were confused.
Then he broke out in a huge smile.
“You’re trouble, sunshine.”
And to Steve, that sounded like he was saying something entirely different.
— — — — — — —
They didn’t talk about Robin.
Steve put their food on plates while Eddie grabbed some beers from the fridge.
It was very domestic. Comfortable. Nice.
Eddie insisted on sitting right next to Steve, one hand on his thigh for the entire dinner. His thumb was rubbing back and forth, his fingers sometimes drew designs on his knee, and he tapped rhythms into his skin until it felt like Steve was part of the song.
It was easy.
They talked about their days. Steve gave him the full play-by-play of his meeting with Will and Eddie kissed his cheek when he was done and told him how happy he was that Will liked it.
Eddie told him about his appointment, Chrissy, who he’d been good friends with since high school. He’d shown her that tattooing was a way to love her body when she’d been diagnosed with an eating disorder. He promised her he’d do any tattoo she wanted for free if she went through the intensive rehab and therapy process, and four months later, she came by his shop and became his favorite client on top of one of his best friends.
Steve leaned his head on Eddie’s shoulder as he spoke, smiling to himself as he realized that Eddie was just a caring person.
He cared about everyone in his life in a way that Steve had not been familiar with before Robin.
He cared the way Steve cared, and he made Steve want to show it more.
He made Steve want to be bright in a way he’d never wanted to be before.
Eddie made him feel like he could shine.
He felt the impending rain cloud of leaving his side, though. Facing Robin would be a storm he didn’t want to weather tonight, feeling a bit overwhelmed already from his day of emotions.
It had started so good. It felt good right now.
“You got quiet on me, sunshine. What’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours?”
A lot. So much. He didn’t know how to answer without putting everything on the table, and he knew he couldn’t do that right now. He didn’t want to cry either and that was getting more likely the more tired he got.
“Just thinking.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Anywhere you want is fine with me, sweetheart.”
Steve could tell him a little. Maybe talk about how much he wanted to stay by Eddie’s side. Or how he didn’t know how he was already so attached, but the thought of not having Eddie around was already devastating.
How much he could love him if he was given the chance.
“I’m scared that Robin’s right.”
Well, that’ll spark a conversation he didn’t want to have.
Nice job, idiot. You’re gonna end up spilling your secrets.
“Right about what?”
Eddie’s arm was now wrapped around Steve’s shoulder, hand resting against his arm where his fingers were tracing designs that Steve would tattoo on his skin.
“She said this is gonna end bad. I’ll get hurt. She didn’t want me to come tonight.”
Yeah, that’s not giving too much away.
Eddie’s fingers froze against his arm.
“She thinks I’d hurt you?”
“I guess.”
And a part of Steve believed it too. That was part of why he felt so shitty. Eddie already held the power to hurt him and he didn’t even realize it.
“Stevie, look at me for a minute.”
Steve pulled away, letting Eddie’s arm fall, but quickly finding his hand to lace their fingers together for extra comfort.
“I know this is gonna sound crazy, and it’s okay if you don’t wanna stick around after, but,” Eddie’s eyes were shining. Was he going to cry? “I’ve never felt like this with anyone. I’ve never wanted to spend every moment with someone before you. I missed you so much today, it was like I was being torn in half. I know it’s crazy. I know. But you’re important to me. I don’t know what will happen, I don’t know what you want, I just know that I wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt you.”
Steve could feel his lip quivering. He knew he had tears in his eyes.
He was in deep and the only way out was through.
“I don’t know how to explain how much being around you has changed me. Just in the last two days I’ve felt like someone I didn’t even know I could be. Robin’s worried because,” Steve took a deep, steadying breath. He had to be honest. Eddie deserved it. “I jump into things quickly. I’ve always been like that. I commit hard and fast and I end up hurt every time. She was around for the worst one with my ex-girlfriend. She’s worried this will be like that and thinks you’re just using me for the sexual aspect of it. Well, she thinks we’re using each other, I think. And maybe if you were different, I would be. I’m not always a great guy. But it’s just that you’re you. You’re the kind of person who will always get the best me because you deserve someone who makes you feel the way you make other people feel.”
The words just didn’t stop coming.
Steve would’ve been more nervous about it if he wasn’t watching the fondness seep out of Eddie’s pores.
His every movement revolved around Steve’s own, his touches gentle and electric.
His hand was cupping the side of Steve’s neck, his eyes staring into Steve’s soul, even though he’d just laid it out on the table in front of them.
“You deserve to be the best you because it makes you feel good. But if I can help you find that, then I’m all yours, sunshine. As long as you want me.”
Steve leaned forward, resting his forehead against Eddie’s.
He closed his eyes.
His phone started ringing.
He planned to ignore it. He knew it was Robin and he wasn’t quite ready to face her yet.
But he knew if he didn’t answer, she’d worry. Maybe dramatically call 911 to do a wellness check.
He didn’t want to put Eddie through all that.
He grabbed his phone and answered, letting his head rest against Eddie’s chest.
“Yeah?”
“Steve. Listen. I’m sorry about earlier, okay? I didn’t mean that. I’m just worried about you. I want you to have someone who makes you happy, but I want you to be safe and-“
“Robs, I know. I’m sorry I freaked out.”
Eddie’s hands were moving up and down his back slowly, adding pressure to his shoulders where he was most tense.
“Are you gonna be home soon?”
Steve resisted saying that he was home.
He realized he’d said it twice to Eddie; This felt like home. He’d never really had somewhere that felt like home. Even with Robin, he knew they were roommates because neither of them could afford rent on their own.
But here, he felt like he could safely recharge, relax, be himself, float away and find his way back. And he could do it all with Eddie.
“Yeah. I’ll head out soon.”
Robin was silent as Eddie started playing with the hem of Steve’s shirt.
“You could just stay. If you wanted. I mean I have your location and you’ll text me in the morning so I know you’re alive.”
Steve considered that this might be a test, that Robin was seeing if he’d give in easily and not explain anything else.
But Robin isn���t the type of friend to test him like that. She was never anything but honest and straightforward, never would expect him to make a choice like that to win her love. That’s just not who she was.
“I could stay tonight.”
Steve looked up at Eddie, who was smiling and nodding down at him, hands never stopping their comforting movements on his back.
“I’m gonna stay tonight.” Steve smiled into the phone as if Robin was able to see. “But tomorrow, I’m coming home after work and we’re having a long talk. We’re gonna order pizza and we’re gonna drink enough cheap wine to have the worst hangover ever on Wednesday morning. Okay?”
Robin let out a quiet chuckle. Good. Laughter is good.
“Okay, dingus. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You got it, Robs.”
When Steve hung up the phone, Eddie pulled him tight against his chest, letting Steve find his place with his nose against his collarbone.
He breathed in his scent, smiling to himself at how quickly he relaxed into it.
“Sounds like things went well.”
“Mhm. Things’ll be good.”
Eddie kissed the top of his head.
“Let me clean up the dishes and then we can go to bed.”
“No, wanna stay here.”
“Here, in this chair?” Eddie snorted. “I don’t think either of us actually want that, sunshine.”
“Don’t wanna move.”
“How about I carry you?”
“Yes, please.”
For some reason, Steve didn’t exactly expect him to actually lift him in his arms and carry him. But he did.
He had him in his arms like he was a new bride being carried over the threshold, and Steve was blushing from his head to his toes.
Steve looked up at his face, taking in the way Eddie had a near-constant smirk when he was doing things like this. Like he was having fun and liked doing it.
Eddie dropped him in bed, laughing at the ‘oof’ Steve let out from the impact of hitting the mattress and pillows.
He stared down at Steve with that soft look he gave him before. Like Steve was actually making his life brighter, like it was a beautiful thing to have and know Steve.
No one has ever looked at him like that.
“Stevie.”
“Hm?”
“I really want to kiss you.”
Steve gulped.
“I really want you to kiss me.”
Eddie didn’t question it or wait, and his wet lips were against his with a passion Steve had never experienced in his life.
He forgot about everything except the way Eddie’s lips fit perfectly against his, slowly opening his own up so he could lick into his mouth.
He ran his tongue along Steve’s bottom lip, smiling into the kiss when Steve let out a loud moan.
Eddie’s hand was in his hair, tugging on the ends just enough to keep Steve present as his other hand ghosted down his side and squeezed his hip.
Steve could stay just like this forever and it wouldn’t be long enough.
He’d never have enough of Eddie touching him, kissing him, caring for him.
He wanted it always.
He let out another moan when Eddie’s teeth bit down on his bottom lip, sucking it between his teeth and lips like he was trying to eat him.
Steve would let him.
But just when he thought he was going to stay like this all night, Eddie pulled away, nipping at his bottom lip one more time before he separated from him completely and stood up.
“Gonna go clean up. Be a good boy for me and stay right here. No touching yourself.”
Steve hadn’t really thought about doing so until he watched Eddie walk away and glanced down to see that he was hard. Incredibly so.
Suddenly, his only focus was on getting relief from how hard he was. How had he gotten there from a kiss?
It was like every touch from Eddie was equal to 1000 touches from anyone else. If Eddie touched his cock, he was done for. He’d embarrass himself beyond belief.
Maybe if Steve didn’t think about it, it would go away and it’d be fine.
Maybe he could just give himself a little touch. Eddie wouldn’t know. It’s not like he was watching.
But Eddie said not to.
Steve had to listen to Eddie.
He could distantly hear Eddie washing dishes in the kitchen, dishes clanking around while the water ran from the faucet.
He could feel the heat of the sweatpants and hoodie he was wearing, causing him to break out in a sweat.
Eddie didn’t say he couldn’t take his clothes off. He just said he couldn’t touch himself.
So Steve removed the hoodie and sweatpants in record time, unable to focus on anything except the cool sheets under him and the hard length nearly poking out of his boxers.
He hoped Eddie would touch him when he got back. He couldn’t sleep like this.
Too on edge, too close to falling the wrong way off the cliff.
He didn’t even register when Eddie entered the room again, his thoughts stuck on how good it would feel to have Eddie’s hands on him again.
Then Eddie’s hands were on him again. They were cupping his cheeks and forcing him to make eye contact with him.
Eddie was shirtless already, straddling his lap.
Steve didn’t care how he got there, just that he was.
He couldn’t help the whine he let out when Eddie’s cock brushed against his.
Oh, he wasn’t wearing pants either.
Steve hoped this was going where he wanted it to.
“You look so beautiful like this, sweet thing. Like I could eat you right up,” Eddie said before leaning in to leave a trail of kisses down his neck.
He paused right where Steve knew his freckles were and let out a small laugh against his skin.
“These are the cutest things I’ve ever seen.”
Steve whined. He needed Eddie to kiss them, kiss him, kiss anywhere. He needed his lips on him every second of every day.
As if he could read his mind, Eddie gently kissed his freckles. Steve could feel his smile against his skin.
“Please kiss me,” he let out, needy whimper following his words.
“Am kissing you, sweet thing.”
And he was. Technically. But Steve needed to taste him again, needed their mouths connected so he could feel his breath in his own lungs, taking and giving oxygen Steve so desperately wanted to give and receive.
“Need you, please,” Steve added, as if that would make Eddie do anything else. “Please, please.”
Begging was not what he thought would happen tonight, but his mouth no longer had a filter as he felt Eddie’s hips roll against him.
The friction was almost too much.
Steve was going to cum. Right there in his boxers after barely making out and like, two barely there touches against his cock.
“Love hearing you beg,” Eddie said as he trailed his lips and tongue and teeth down Steve’s chest. He licked at one of his nipples, blowing cold air on it after. Steve shivered, but not from the cold.
“Feels so good,” Steve managed to get out.
He could tell he was becoming more incoherent, his moans getting louder despite Eddie hardly doing anything at all to him. He’d be embarrassed if he didn’t know how hard Eddie was above him.
Suddenly, Eddie’s lips were back on his own. He sighed into it, relief at being given what he wanted letting him relax further into the bed.
The relief only lasted for a moment, though.
Eddie was pulling away and laying down next to Steve.
No.
“No,” Steve said, turning his head to pout at him. “More.”
Eddie raised his eyebrows at him.
“That doesn’t sound very polite, Stevie. I can’t give you what you want if you don’t ask nicely,” Eddie sounded bored. Was he bored?
No, he wouldn’t have gone from interest to bored that quickly. Would he?
“Here’s what’s gonna happen. You listening?”
“Mhm.”
“Good boy. You’re gonna get on my lap and you’re gonna get yourself off. No hands.” Steve was already moving, but Eddie put his hand on his chest to hold him still. “No boxers. You use your safe word if it gets too much.”
Steve didn’t know how this could be too much, but he was too far gone to do anything but agree.
“Okay.”
Eddie removed his hand and didn’t stop Steve this time when he got up and straddled Eddie’s thighs, the reverse position they’d been in before giving Steve a head rush. He helped push Steve’s boxers off, holding him steady when his legs nearly gave out when he kicked them off.
Eddie didn’t touch him at first, letting Steve find the position that worked best for him and watching as he tried to find the perfect level of contact.
He couldn’t though.
“Oh, sweet thing, you can’t get it right can you?”
Steve whined and shook his head, feeling tears of frustration building behind his eyes.
“You want me to help you?”
“Please, yes, help,” Steve got out between pants.
Eddie’s hands were on his hips, warmth spreading from the place they touched Steve’s skin throughout his body. His grip was strong, nearly leaving fingerprint bruises in his skin. Steve wished he would.
“More.”
“More what?”
“Fingers. Harder.”
Finding the right words was hard. Steve was doing all he could to keep his eyes locked on Eddie’s face, vision going a bit blurry from the cloudiness in his head.
Eddie understood though.
His fingers gripped harder, and Steve knew he’d be done for soon regardless of the friction on his cock.
“You want help getting started, sweet thing?”
“Mhm. Mmm,” Steve was incoherent. He knew it, but he couldn’t do anything but let Eddie have full control.
Eddie used his strong grip to move Steve’s hips back and forth a few times, the feeling of Steve’s bare cock against Eddie’s clothed one nearly enough to send him over the edge right away.
He was moaning uncontrollably.
“I’m not doing it all for you,” Eddie said, letting go of Steve’s hips and watching as Steve stuttered in his movements. “C’mon. You were so desperate for it before.”
Steve didn’t think about how he was naked and Eddie wasn’t, how his dripping cock was getting Eddie’s boxers messy, how Eddie was smirking at him as he struggled to keep up the pace Eddie had started.
He only thought about how he had to get relief and make Eddie proud of him for doing what he asked.
Steve’s hips moved back and forth, rolling down every time he pushed forward so he could feel Eddie’s length against his own.
It was too much and not enough and Steve didn’t know how long he could keep this up.
Eddie was watching him, talking him through it, but not touching him.
“That’s it, sweet thing. Doing so good for me,” Eddie let out a moan when he started moving faster. “That’s it, sweetheart. Making me feel so fucking good.”
Steve wasn’t even registering his own pleasure anymore, only able to hear the way Eddie’s words were getting breathier, moans louder.
“Gonna cum for me? Want you to make me messy, sunshine. C’mon,” Eddie started tilting his hips up to meet Steve every time he rolled his hips down.
It was so much.
There was nothing but Eddie. His voice wrapped around him like a warm blanket as Steve felt the pull in his stomach letting him know he was close.
“Mm, Eddie, Eddie-“ Steve was babbling and he couldn’t stop. He didn’t care. He didn’t think Eddie did either. “Gonna. Gonna be good.”
Eddie let out a loud moan and sat up enough to kiss Steve’s lips.
Steve was done for.
He came so hard he almost couldn’t even feel it, the pleasure making his vision go black and his body go numb.
He could feel Eddie rut against him a few more times before he let out a groan.
He couldn’t open his eyes to see, but he knew Eddie must’ve finished too.
“So good, sunshine. Did so good for me, can’t believe I’m so lucky,” Eddie was whispering into his ear, soft breaths making Steve shiver against him.
Steve felt Eddie moving him so he was laying down in bed.
Then cold air shocked him into opening his eyes and letting out a pained whimper.
“Shhh, sweet thing. Just grabbing a washcloth. Gotta clean you up and take care of you, yeah? You did so good for me,” Eddie said as he pecked a kiss to his forehead.
Steve wasn’t quite floating now, but he recognized that he’d been on the cusp of it before Eddie walked away. He still wasn’t aware of most of what was going on, just that he’d never felt so good in his life and he hadn’t even had hands on him.
Whatever Eddie had done to take Steve apart was incredible.
When Eddie came back with the washcloth and gently wiped his stomach and chest, Steve tried to speak.
“Love that,” was all he was capable of, but it was a start. Eddie would get the gist of it.
“I’m glad. Loved doing that with you,” Eddie said softly as he got into bed next to Steve. He immediately pulled Steve on top of him, and Steve nearly gasped at Eddie being naked under him. “Feeling okay?”
Steve nodded against his chest.
He’d never felt better.
As he drifted to sleep to Eddie’s soft whispers, Steve thought about how he could possibly love someone so much so quickly.
Chapter 7
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Nighttime Surprise
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Pieces of My Heart - Chapter 4 Stray Kids OT8 x reader, Soulmate AU
Masterlist | Next Part
You were woken up by your phone ringing. With your eyes protesting the sudden light as you opened them, you realized through your half awake daze that you had left the lights on as you fumbled for your phone. By the time you managed to locate it, the ringing had stopped.
A quick glance at your phone told you it was only 8pm. You had 3 unread messages along with the missed call. 2 of them were from the group chat that had been created earlier that day.
Soulmates
Seungmin
Hey, we just finished practice. have you had dinner yet?
Felix
We're ordering pizza. Want some?
Both of those had been sent 2 hours ago. The most recent one was from 20 minutes ago, and was a private message.
Minho
Are you sleeping?
A knock on your hotel room door had you stumbling out of bed just as you saw who the missed call was from. You threw the door open with a glare. "If you thought I was sleeping, why would you call me?"
He stood in front of your door bare faced in a pair of sweatpants and a short-sleeved black shirt, hair still wet from what must have been a recent shower. And yet somehow he still managed to look like a model.
"To wake you," he said nonchalantly, walking right past you.
"Then why ask if I was awake in the first place," You muttered to yourself, closing the door behind him. "I didn't see the other texts until now, sorry. I fell asleep."
"It's okay, the others understand. It was long day."
Minho was looking around your hotel room, an almost carbon copy of the one he and Jeongin shared just a floor above. When he lifted the top of your suitcase to reveal your clothes, and subsequently the pair of underwear that was sitting at the top, you immediately jumped forward and slammed it back down.
"I already ate," You said a little too quickly, your face heating up.
"Me too."
You stared at the dark haired man with furrowed brows. His eyes still wandered around the room with curiosity as he placed his hands behind his back, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He turned to look at you and gave you an innocent smile.
You blinked in confusion. "Then why are you here?"
Minho's smile dropped. "Do you not want me here?"
"No! I mean, I'm happy to see you, I just ... I thought we agreed to meet up tomorrow?"
And that had been the plan. The boys had been informed of their last minute practice to go over some choreo changes for the concert tomorrow, so they had unfortunately bid you goodbye with the promise to see each other early the next morning. You had exchanged phone numbers, been added to a newly made group chat, and then made the horrible decision to go sightseeing. Only 2 hours in and you had been exhausted, the soulmate high wearing off and leaving you drained. So after a quick meal and a shower, you crashed.
And now Minho was in your room.
"You didn't answer, Channie-hyung say you were probably sleeping," Minho began.
"So you decided to wake me up?"
"The others agree to wait until tomorrow."
"Okay?"
Minho stepped forward, his arms suddenly reaching out to brace himself against the desk behind you, trapping you in between. He leaned forward with a smirk. "I don't want to wait."
Your brain short-circuited. "W-what?"
"I wanted to see you," He clarified, leaning back.
You let out a laugh of disbelief, your hands reaching up to press against your mouth. You immediately dropped them, trying to play it cool with a cough.
"Right. Okay, so you saw me." Minho lifted his hand to tuck a stray hair behind your ear and you faltered. "Uhh, right. Okay. Now what?"
"Now?"
The hand that had been hovering near your face slid down your back, settling against your waist as Minho pulled you in closer. You stumbled at the sudden movement, hands reaching out against his chest to steady yourself, and he used the opportunity to bend you back against the table, his mouth brushing up against your cheek as he moved to whisper in your ear.
"Now we sleep."
"Huh?"
And just like that he was pulling away, only the red of his ears giving away his false bravado as he made his way over to your bed. He settled back against your pillows like he owned the place. And then he patted the spot next to him. "Sleep."
You followed slowly, pausing at the edge of the bed. "You want to sleep."
"You tired. So we sleep."
"Just to be clear," You placed your phone on the side table. "You mean just sleep, right?"
Minho gave you a heated look, and you swallowed hard. You evaluated your rapid heart rate, your burning cheeks, the heat in your chest and arms and in between your legs. You usually weren't the type to get into bed with a guy after just meeting them, but if he asked you too, you didn't think you'd have the restraint to say no.
Due to your sudden realization, you weren't sure if it was a relief or a disappointment when Minho answered. "Yes, just sleep."
You shook your head. "Right."
It took you a moment to recover, but you eventually managed to get yourself ready for bed, brushing your teeth and making sure to actually turn off the lights this time around. Sliding under the covers in the dark made you very aware of the body lying next to you. His presence was right there, close enough to touch, but he made no moves to get closer to you, so you settled on your side.
You could just barely see the outline of his face from the sliver of streetlight that made it past the curtains. His eyes were closed, but you knew he wasn’t asleep just yet. You reached out, fingertips brushing against his arm.
“Minho?”
“Hmm?”
“Do the others know you’re here right now?”
“Ah, no. Secret.”
You smiled. “They’re going to realize it pretty quickly. At least Jeongin’s going to know you didn’t sleep in your room.”
He muttered something in Korean. “Don’t worry. Sleep.”
You bit your lip, rolling over onto your back. The silence was deafening, and even though you were tired, wanting nothing more than to just close your eyes and go to sleep, you found yourself unable to relax. You rolled over onto your other side, hoping to get comfortable, but it was only a few minutes later that you were rolling back onto your side.
Minho let out a sigh. “Sleep.”
“I’m trying,” You muttered.
Hands slapped around on the bed until he managed to grab your hand, and Minho pulled you closer until you were lying on top of him, wrapping one arm around your back and throwing the other one behind his head. He rubbed your back softly.
“Better?”
You hummed, shifting your body so you could throw one leg over his and managed to cram your arm into a more comfortable position. And then you finally relaxed.
Minho patted your back. “Jagi, you’re stay, right?”
“Jeongin’s a little snitch.”
“Snitch?”
“Told you something you didn’t need to know,” You clarified.
“Ah. Not snitch, good baby bread. It’s good to know,” He argued.
You sniffed. “I guess.”
“You go to concert tomorrow.” It wasn’t a question, but you nodded anyway. “We talk to manager-hyung, get you backstage pass.”
“You don’t have to do that,” You whispered, lifting your head.
“Want to,” He reassured you, pulling you back down. With your ear resting against his chest, you could hear his heart beating fast. “We, uh … I want you there.”
You moved your hand so that you were hugging him back, giving him a tiny squeeze. “Thank you.”
He squeezed you back. “Sleep.”
And so you did.
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oddinary4bts · 11 months
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The Forgotten Spaces | ch 9 (jjk)
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☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?
☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader
☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)
☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff
☆warnings: ending of that lil bit of miscommunication in ch 8, a very heartfelt conversation, probably some curses
☆word count: 7k
☆series masterpost here
☆a/n: Finallyyyyy, the angst is ending my friends. I hope you'll enjoy it <3 and also thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3
☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces
☆☆☆☆☆
For this meeting of our end of the world
It's with you that I want to sing
On the threshold of the memories the dead of today
Them that breathe for us
The forgotten spaces
Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)
☆☆☆☆☆
Tuesday, September 25th
                You wake up slowly at first. Like a feather, softly falling, unbothered by the weight of the universe. It’s calm, like a forest in the winter when it’s snowing. It’s peace personified, like the world never held any wars or pain.
Then you wake all at once, like you’re struck by lightning, energized by it, electricity coursing through your blood. You feel his presence before you see him, and you think you’d be mad at him for lying next to you.
But when your eyelids flutter open to the sight of his purple room, all that fills you is peace again.
It grows tenfold when you turn and see him lying next to you, on his belly, hand reaching towards you. His mouth is slightly open, and he’s lying on top of the covers.
Which means he never meant to fall asleep next to you.
You haven’t realized how long his hair has grown before. Because right now it’s falling in front of his eyes, and you want to brush it behind his ear. It’s a visceral need, and the peace grows once more.
It grows and grows, and you reach and push his hair back, softly. Fingertips grazing his cheek, staying there as if they’ve found a home. He closes his mouth in his sleep and sighs, but he doesn’t wake up. He returns to his soft snoring a second later, and you just run your fingers along his cheekbone, tracing the planes of his face ever so softly.
But tomorrow has come, or is coming soon. And the peace grows again, until it bursts.
Until it bursts and aches, choking you up. Your hand rests heavier on his cheek as tears blur your vision, and the explosion of peace crushes your heart, until a sob finds its way up.
You choke on the sob, and quickly sit to move away from Jungkook. In this moment, all you can think is that he’s hers. Your brain produces the words like a litany in your mind, and you think it’s making you crazy.
You were crazy to come here in the first place. To think you deserved a spot at Jungkook’s side.
You grab your phone, and see that it’s the middle of the night. You don’t care one bit, and you call Jisung. Not Jiho, because Jiho doesn’t know how to drive, and she also has a midterm tomorrow morning.
Jisung doesn’t pick up, and you choke on another sob as you call again. This time, the call goes on voicemail quicker than it’s supposed to, and you receive a text a second later.
[4:46 am] Sungie: you better have a good reason for waking me up in the middle of the night🙄 [4:46 am] Sungie: what’s up? [4:47 am] You: can u come pick me up? [4:47 am] Sungie: what’s wrong [4:48 am] You: it’s complicated. mom kicked me out, and i’m at jk’s place [4:48 am] Sungie: wtf? [4:48 am] Sungie: i don’t wanna go outside😭 and i’ll kill your mom, but what’s new. [4:49 am] Sungie: omw
You sigh a breath of relief, but it breaks on your lips and you cry out, as the tears and the pain win once again, as they’ve been winning all evening.
You get up, you take a few steps, you stumble on something and catch yourself on the wall. You feel like you’re going to be sick, you’re tired, exhausted, and you wish for your bed.
But you don’t have a home anymore, do you?
Jungkook says your name. He says your name like you’re a prayer, and you break some more, refusing to even turn to look at him. You just stumble to your bags, pick them up and try to reach for the door.
Jungkook stops you with a gentle hand on your wrist.
He repeats your name, and you refuse to look at him. This time, when he tries to pull you in, you resist. You don’t want him to touch you, you don’t want him to hold you when you know it’s all just a lie. When you know tomorrow will come and he’ll be gone.
He’s forgotten you. He’s forgotten you too, he’s forgotten the pain he brings. And you think, if the world was ending, would he stand on the threshold of your memories together with you? Because you think you got lost in the memories, you forgot memories come and go.
“Let me go,” you beg, weakly, because you’re weak. Like you’ve been sick, and you think you might be. Maybe your broken heart festered inside of you, releasing toxins into your bloodstream until it rendered you sick.
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he says in an equally weak voice, but he does let go of you.
You scoff, and you don’t say anything before turning the doorknob and opening the door.
“I’m sorry that I fell asleep next to you,” Jungkook says, and he sounds like he’s panicking. Like he doesn’t want you to slip through his fingers. But the tighter he holds you, the more you slip. You’re like sand: immortal in the way you’ll always slip through his fingers, like he’ll always slip through yours.
“It’s not that.” You drop one of the bags, because your wrist hurts almost equally as your heart. “Jungkook, you have a girlfriend, we shouldn’t be together.”
You eye your bag, deciding that it’s not worth trying to pick it up. You’ll ask Jo to bring it to you wherever you’ll find a home for the next few days. You’re walking away, striding away, running away.
You’re fleeing like he fled that night he told you about her. Part of you wishes you could rush to your mother’s side, could show her your broken heart and beg her for the love she is supposed to give you. Unfortunately, her maternal affection ran low far too long ago.
But Jisung is coming. That’s all that matters.
You’re at the top of the stairs when Jungkook speaks next. “I broke up with Laura.”
You still. As much as you were breaking a second ago, your heart just stops shattering. Just stops existing altogether for a moment.
“What?”
“I broke up with her Sunday morning.”
You turn to look at him. He’s barely visible in the purple light that escapes his room, and you can’t see his features. But you feel the weight of his gaze on you.
“What?”
“I’m not with her anymore. I wanted to talk to you about it tomorrow only, because I found you already vulnerable earlier.” He pauses. “That’s why I went to the studio in the first place.”
“Jungkook…”
You wonder if he’s breaking in time with you. You wonder if he too was vulnerable tonight, and if that’s the reason why he’s cried so much.
Did he care for her enough to ache from your presence?
“I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you by telling you while you were vulnerable.”
You understand why he chose to do it that way. But you still hate him for it.
“You’re an idiot.”
“I know.”
“You’re a fucking idiot, Jeon Jungkook.”
You think he might be smiling. He does sound like he’s smiling when he speaks next. “Can I hug you?”
“I hate you.”
He laughs, and it breaks, and you only then realize that he wasn’t smiling. He’s crying, and he wipes a hand on his face.
“Don’t…” you trail off, and then you both startle as Jin appears in the doorframe to his room.
“Can you guys please shut the fuck up, it’s the middle of the night.”
You snort. It sounds like a pig, or maybe a hog or a boar. You actually have no idea what it sounds like, just that it’s hysteric, as is the laughter that erupts from you and Jungkook quite at the same time.
Jin just watches the both of you as if you’re crazy, and you are. You’ve suffered so much you’ve gone crazy, and you don’t even care.
You laugh longer than Jungkook, shedding tears that you dry mindlessly with your thumb. Tears heavy with emotions, different emotions than the ones that you’ve been feeling for weeks.
Indeed, hope has cracked some part of the pain, like a sunrise that shines through a veil of thick clouds, sunrays stubbornly refusing to be stopped by the bleariness.
You laugh for all the breaking that you did, and it’s no wonder Jungkook eventually moves to grab your hand and pull you back into his room. Only then do you stop laughing, and you say, “Jisung is coming to pick me up.”
That showers the both of you until you’ve calmed down, enough to be able to glance at Jin that’s still watching with the most disgusted expression on his features. When the two of you find him on his doorstep, Jin figures it’s better to dip, and he goes in, shutting the door softly behind him.
You think you see him winking at Jungkook before he disappears from view.
“Okay,” Jungkook lets out. “That’s okay, let me grab your bag.”
“You’re not angry?”
He shakes his head no in the faint light of the hallway, glancing at you as he grabs the bag you left near his door. “No. I understand that you need some space. And we’ll talk tomorrow, right?”
You nod. You nod because you’re done breaking. “I’ll call you first thing in the morning.” And then you feel infinitely stupid, because he’s blocked your number months ago.
Jungkook has probably thought about the same thing, because as he’s walking back towards you, he says, “I’m sorry I blocked you.”
You raise your hand, the one whose wrist is in a brace. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Just unblock me.”
“I…” he trails off. “I don’t know how to.”
You shut your eyes. “You’re annoying.”
“I’ll figure it out”, he promises. “I’ll figure it out and I’ll be the one calling you.”
You nod, and you look at him. “I… might be angry at you.”
“I deserve it.” He grabs the bag you’re holding, and then motions to the stairs. “You can punch me if you want, but we should go downstairs before Jin kills me.”
“Please do!”
You both laugh once again, and you think you hear a feminine voice scolding Jin.
You follow Jungkook downstairs, shining light with your phone so you don’t fall. Jungkook leads you right to the hall, and he puts your bags down by the door. He then leans down to massage his knee, and you wonder if pain has licked its fingers up his thigh the way it’s been licking its fingers up your arm.
But not in your heart. Your heart is done aching.
You glance outside, and you see that Jisung is already there. He must have been at Felix’s place. Jungkook notices too as he stretches, and you think you see disappointment on his features.
“Do you want me to carry the bags to the car?” he asks, gently.
You reach out between you, hand moving up until it’s cupped his cheek. He looks startled, eyes going round and looking between your two pupils a couple of times.
“I’m sorry I woke you up”, you say as you let your hand fall, because you have no idea why you did that in the first place.
“No, don’t be,” he reassures you. “I’m glad I woke up and could reassure you. I don’t like misunderstandings.”
You think he’s a little full of shit for saying so, because you wouldn’t have been in this position if he listened to you in July. But you refrain from telling him, because you’re going to talk to him tomorrow, and tomorrow only. When you’ll both be ready.
Tonight, you’re still going to cling to the fact that he cares.
He cares, and he hasn’t forgotten about you, or about the July night sky. No, he too still can see the stars that night.
And suddenly, you don’t fear tomorrow anymore.
*****
                Felix’s apartment is cozy in the morning light. But the absence of curtains in the living room windows has made it hard to sleep. You’re lucky you don’t have a class today. You usually do, a three-hour long class at 8 am, but the professor gave you a week off before the midterm next week. He’s still available for office hours, but you’ve had him before in another class. You know he’s not a strict grader. So you’re not going to make it to office hours, and you’ll try to catch up on more sleep before Felix and Jisung wake up.
It’s hard to fall back asleep though. Indeed, your thoughts have been clouded with Jungkook. With the anxiety that you can finally talk to him now, that he’s not hers, but that you don’t even know if you have something to tell him.
He was soft yesterday. Willing to help, wearing his heart on his sleeve the way you reckon he did it that July weekend. It reminds you that Jungkook has a heart of gold. It took you years before you saw it, but now it’s blinding you.
Jungkook would go to the ends of the Earth to help the people he cares about. And he cares about you. You, with the flaws that make the mosaic of you. You, who’s never been able to love, and now you think maybe you’ve loved all along.
Because what was that hate for him, if not misguided love? Immature feelings, maybe. Though you wouldn’t call it love. You wouldn’t dare say you love Jungkook. But you do feel for him. You feel for him the way you feel for the early morning. It’s filled with possibilities, with calm and serene moments. It doesn’t ask for anything but offers all. And maybe that’s how you’ve been feeling for him all along.
You sigh, turning so your back is to the window, trying to block out the rising sun so you can sleep some more. It does nothing to how your heart’s been acting up, but you still force yourself to lie in silence, to enjoy the feeling of infinity today carries.
You’ve dozed off a little by the time movement is heard in the apartment, and your eyes flutter open to look at the ceiling, as you’ve turned on your back. You yawn, stretching a little, before glancing to the side.
You let out a high-pitched squeal at the sight of the shirtless man that’s standing there, and he startles just as much as you, letting out a sound that rivals with the one you just made.
He’s not Felix, and he’s not Jisung. In reality, you have no idea who he is. You didn’t even know Felix has a roommate.
“Who are you?” the guy asks, and the first thing you notice is his accent.
“Jisung’s friend,” you reply as you sit up.
The man seems to realize he’s half naked, and he folds his arms on his chest. It makes his biceps pop out, and you reckon he’s quite the sight to see so early in the morning.
You have the decency to blush at the thought, and you look down at the floor.
“He and Felix offered to let me sleep here,” you add, worrying at your bottom lip. “I’m not going to stay.”
The guy shrugs. “Hey, it’s okay. Just was startled.” He laughs a little, before glancing in the direction of what you assume is the kitchen. “Do you want some coffee?”
“Uh,” you let out. “Yeah, sure.”
Turns out the guy is called Chris. The accent you’ve heard at first is the unmistakable Australian accent, and he informs you that he’s moved here with Felix for college. You end up eating breakfast along with him, because he’s decided to make protein pancakes. You’re surprised at how good they are, and you’re idly chatting at the kitchen table when Jisung enters.
He looks between you and Chris once, before saying, “You’ve got explanations about how you ended up at Jungkook’s place last night.”
He’s got a firm authoritative tone to his voice, and you recognize him for the older brother he is to you. You let out a shy laugh, before shrugging your shoulders.
“I already told you mom kicked me out.”
Chris’s eyes go wide as saucers as he looks at you, before his gaze dips down to his pancakes and he focuses on eating them.
“Yes, but Jungkook?”
Felix appears behind Jisung, brushing sleep out of his eyes. “Leave her alone, Han.”
Jisung glares at his boyfriend, before shrugging his shoulders. “I just think it’s weird because he’s got a girlfriend.”
“They broke up”, you say in a defensive tone.
Because it’s Jungkook you’re talking about, and you’d always defend him.
Jisung looks so surprised you almost start laughing. And it’s weird that you’re in a laughing mood – you were kicked out yesterday for God’s sake. But at the same time, it feels like you’ve reached the limit of your breaking, and the morning holds the possibility of healing.
The morning, and Jungkook, you reckon. Because you know healing starts with Jungkook. Healing starts with figuring out where it all went wrong, it starts with the conversation you’re supposed to have later.
Some place you also can study, hopefully, because you’ve got a midterm on Thursday.
“You’re fucking shitting me,” Jisung lets out as Felix starts pouring coffee for himself.
You shrug, feeling shy as everyone’s gaze moves to you. “They broke up on Sunday.”
“And you were over yesterday? Boy’s not wasting time.”
You furrow your brows. “It’s actually a coincidence that I ended up at his place. And Jiji’s fault.”
“Jiji? She hates his guts,” Jisung points out, still not fully believing you.
“She told him to go to the studio, he found me crying about getting kicked out and he offered me to spend the night before I figure out what to do.”
“That’s fair enough”, Felix says, interrupting Jisung who clearly was about to say something vile about Jungkook.
Jisung frowns, but he sighs and lets the expression go. He fully walks into the kitchen, helping himself to some of the pancakes Chris made. “He hurts you again I’ll fucking punch him.”
“Sungie,” you whine. “You’re the one that wanted me to tell him how I felt.”
“That was ages ago,” he reminds you. “I also told you to move on.”
“We’re going to talk today,” you admit.
There’s a heavy silence that follows your words. Jisung looks at you like you’re stupid, Chris seems like he wants to disappear, and Felix scrolls away on his phone as if he hasn’t heard.
“You ask me to come pick you up from his place in the middle of the night and then you say you’ll talk today?” Jisung eventually says, voice low.
It makes you feel stupid, and it makes you realize that maybe, maybe talking to Jungkook will lead nowhere.
Maybe you’re just going to offer each other closure before you truly move on. But you think you still deserve the closure, you still deserve the moving on. No matter how you might feel for Jungkook, some things truly are just not meant to be.
And this morning you think maybe that’s okay.
“I didn’t know yet that they were broken up,” you admit. “He didn’t want to drop it on me while I was crying because of my mother.”
“Valid,” Felix lets out, offering you salvation from Jisung’s wrath.
“Please,” Jisung scoffs. He seems to realize Jungkook might have actually done it right, because he adds, “Whatever. As I said, if he hurts you, he’s dead.” He’s frowning again, shaking his head. “And I can’t fucking believe your mother. My parents will give you a room at home if you want.”
The pain comes back now, but it’s different. Dull, as if Jungkook took its edges and softened them last night.
“Thank you.” You sigh, looking down at your plate, and you know you won’t be able to finish eating. “I’m going to get an apartment.”
It changes the subject to apartment hunting, and Jisung does his best to not appear too pissed whenever you mention that Jungkook will be helping you. Because even if all you give each other today is closure, you know Jungkook will still help.
You think you might know him better than you know yourself after all.
You follow Felix out when he says he needs to leave for college. You reckon sharing a Lyft might be a good idea, because you’re still on the other side of town. Felix agrees, though he admits he usually takes public transport to go to college. You shrug your shoulders, saying you’ll pay, and it’s halfway to your college that you realize something.
You realize you need to stop spending and to start saving money, if you want to be able to afford an apartment. And it makes you feel strange inside, like you might still have more that can break.
You cling to the feeling this morning holds. But some part of you is growing weary, dreary, because you get to college before Jungkook texts, and he told you he’d text you first thing in the morning. You don’t know his schedule though. You can’t assume his morning starts at the same time as yours do, so you try to stay calm and not let panic rise in you.
Felix walks with you on campus, until you part ways because he has to get to class. You decide you’re going to squat in the library, with your damn duffel bag and school bag you’ve been carrying around since yesterday. You find a spot in a corner, and you get busy studying, figuring it’s a better way to pass the time instead of looking at your phone expecting Jungkook to call you, to give you a sign of life.
You like studying. As much as law is a hard subject, it makes you feel connected to your father, somehow, and you like it. You like the highlighters and the lo-fi medieval beats and the books filled with laws and ethics and everything in between. You like being in a library, looking like you’ve got your shit together. You think that, to outside eyes, you probably look like you do. You can invent a life to yourself here, one where you haven’t been kicked out. One where you’re the pride of your family, and where you go skiing in the Alps once a year, taking pictures that you hang over the fireplace.
Not that you’re a big skier, and not that you’d go to the Alps anyway. You’d rather backpack around the world, discovering cultures unheard of before.
But sometimes, you do wish your family would have worked. You do wish your father never left, your mother never cheated. And sometimes, you do wonder who’s your biological dad.
Not that it’s important, and not that you will know one day. Your mother says she doesn’t even remember his name, and he was just a back-up dancer in a foreign country. Not someone that you’d ever have a chance of running into.
You sigh, turning the page of the book you’ve been reading. It’s about international law, your favourite subject, and your hardest class this semester. Professor Wickham is a bitch, and she loves failing people. Loves the look of pure distress people throw at her during exams, because she insists on being there while her students take her exams.
She’s a bitch, but she’s also renowned in the field, and you’ve been trying to make a good impression on her forever. Even though she refused you last semester when you tried getting an internship with her. Even though your summer internship still ended being great.
You run a hand through your hair, and you reach towards the reusable water bottle you always carry with you. Your hand stops halfway when your phone lights up next to you, and you grab it, heart beating wildly in your chest.
To your dismay, it isn’t Jungkook, but Jimin texting you.
[10:17 am] park.jm: jk wants me to tell you he’s an idiot [10:17 am] park.jm: he’s not able to unblock u. But he wants to know where u are🫥
You can’t hold in the smile that decides to grow on your lips.
[10:17 am] You: my college’s library. he can unblock me on insta and dm here..🙄
This time, you laugh a little when you see the next message you’ve received.
[10:18 am] jkonthebeat: i’m fkg dumb [10:18 am] jkonthebeat: is there a cafe near ur library? [10:19 am] jkonthebeat: haven’t eaten yet and figured it’d be great to talk over a cup of coffee? [10:19 am] jkonthebeat: if u still wanna talk [10:19 am] jkonthebeat: like i’d understand if u’d rather not? plz don’t feel like you have to [10:19 am] You: Jungkook [10:20 am] jkonthebeat: …what? [10:20 am] You: yes i still want to talk. i’ll send u the location of a chill place [10:21 am] jkonthebeat: okay, yeah good. i’ll be there as quickly as i can [10:23 am] You: shared location [10:26 am] jkonthebeat: eta 35 min😌
You can almost imagine Jungkook panicking on his side of the screen, and it makes you laugh a little more. Some guy throws you a look from the table where he’s sitting, and you offer him a wry smile before looking down at your international law book again. You still have a few pages to read in the chapter, so you decide to do that before meeting up with Jungkook.
It’s really hard to focus when you know his starry gaze is waiting for you. You eventually make it through, though it takes you so long you have to jog to the café to make it on time. You’re out of breath when you get there, and maybe a little sweaty, which you reckon might be disgusting. But Jungkook arrives almost right in time with you, hands digging in the pockets of his sweater pants. He looks like he came in his PJs, and you offer him a small smile when his eyes meet yours.
It’s an embrace, the same way the sun embraces the Earth every morning. It feels like you’d feel lying down in the morning sun rays, letting them warm your cold skin from the lightless night. It feels like you’re safe, like you’ve journeyed around the world only to return to the same spot that you’ll always return to.
He’s cataclysmic, he really is. Like he created you that night in July, the same way you know you’ve created him. In truth, you reckon the cataclysm might be you two together. As if the stars wrote the story decades ago, as if the universe knew your fate from its birth.
You expect it to hurt, but it doesn’t. It’s peaceful. You reckon you deserve a little bit of peace.
“Hey,” he greets you, and you wonder if you’re imagining the pink tint on his cheeks.
“Good morning.” You glance over your shoulder, at the door to the café, before meeting his soft gaze once more. “Do you want to go in?”
He nods, laughing a little. “I got to admit I’m starving.”
“Well, let’s get some food for you,” you say, and you turn.
You’re about to open the door when he grabs the duffel bag from you. “Let me carry that.”
“Oh,” you let out. “I don’t mind, I’m getting used to it.”
He just offers you a no-bullshit look that leaves no room for arguing, so you chuckle before opening the door. He follows you inside, and you choose a table in a quiet corner before you go to order something. You settle on an almond croissant while Jungkook gets a coffee and a cinnamon bun, along with a muffin that ‘looks too good to be left there’. You roll your eyes at his comment, but he just offers you a wink.
It’s the wink you once thought was cocky. It’s not cocky at all anymore today, just teasing.
You’re back at the table and halfway through your croissant when Jungkook says, “Thank you for accepting to meet up.”
It makes you anxious, because the time has come. No matter how much you want this conversation to happen, you can’t help but dread it too.
“Of course.”
He worries at his piercing, big doe eyes watching you carefully. You feel as if he’s gazing right at your soul, and maybe he is.
Maybe he’s been gazing at it since the very first day.
“I’m going to start by saying I’m sorry,” he says, with a shy insecure voice you’ve never heard from him before. “Not that it changes anything. I can’t imagine how it must have felt for you all this time.”
Straight to the point. For some reason, you expected him to talk about your mother. But maybe he believes the subject to be over, or he’s been wanting to talk to you for too long about what’s been troubling his heart.
“It…” you start but you don’t know how to say it. You don’t know which adjective to employ, because all of them feel like you’re just trying to guilt him. And though you do want him to feel guilt, you know you don’t have to impose it on him.
He’s doing it to himself already.
“It’s been really hard,” you choose to simply say, because it’s the truth. “The way you did a one-eighty in just a few days? Like…” you trail off because you don’t know where to go, but Jungkook’s listening, waiting for you to continue patiently as he surveys you with those big eyes of his. “Like I felt horrible. The moment I told you we shouldn’t have…”
That’s what you wanted to tell him in July. Strange to think that the words are coming out now.
“I don’t think I believed it. Maybe I wanted to believe it, because it was scary, but I never believed it. And I’m sorry I said that.”
He’s still playing with his piercing, and it takes him a while to digest your words. “I knew, if that can make you feel any better. Not that I think it’ll feel better. But you have to understand that it really hurt me. Like…” It’s his turn to look for words, and you anxiously wait for what’s to follow. “I’m not a perfect person. I try to be, and I’ve tried even harder after the accident. But when you said that, I felt ashamed. Like I’m just someone disgusting. And I focused on it so hard the only thing I could think to do was push you away.”
And he did it. So easily, as if you were nothing but some weed he was taking out from his burgeoning flowers.
It hurts, that same pain you’ve grown accustomed to over the last few months. You want to flee, to disappear, but you know you have to face your feelings. Ignoring them brought you nowhere good, didn’t it?
“Did it help you feel better?” you ask.
A crease appears between his brows, and you wish to reach between you so you can flatten it away. Needless to say, you resist the impulse, and hate yourself for having it in the first place.
“It did?” he admits, though he sounds unsure. “I can’t lie and say I didn’t get scared too. It was terrifying. But I think I knew before you did.”
“What?”
“I think the night after I told you about the accident?” he says like a question, waiting for you to nod before he continues. “It changed something for me. I couldn’t see you the same way that I saw you before.”
You remember the day after he told you. You were angry at him, because he ignored the text you sent him when you woke up. Mostly because you were embarrassed that you acted like you cared, and you reckon you already did too. It feels like a lifetime ago, and for a mere moment you wish you could be back there and tell yourself to stop being blind. It’d save you a heartbreak.
“Oh,” is all you can think to say.
“So then it all culminated when you looked like you regretted so much,” he adds. You think you see him gulp. “Not going to lie, it actually really hurt. And when I hurt, I tend to turn into a very ugly person.” At that he can’t hold your gaze anymore, and he chuckles bitterly as he shakes his head. “Ask Tae.”
“You weren’t an ugly person”, you gently say after he’s stared at his half-eaten cinnamon bun for a while. “I hurt you, and you tried to move on. No?”
He looks at you again then. “Yeah. But I think some part of me wanted to hurt you too. And…” His gaze lines with silver, and his words die on his mouth. It makes you feel like there’s lava in your blood again, and you shiver. “And I did hurt you. I saw you wasting away all those weeks. You looked… so sad. And nobody cared.”
You don’t think it’s true that nobody cared. But you think you understand what he’s trying to say: nobody cared the way that he did, nobody can care the way that he does. Or so you like to tell yourself.
“It wasn’t just you, if that can reassure you,” you admit, eyes falling to his coffee cup as he picks it up. He doesn’t move to drink, just holds it, maybe because he needs to busy his hands. “There was my mom, and then Jiho growing distant, and all that shit. The internship was great, but it was rough too.”
All of it is true, though you know it wouldn’t have felt as gut-wrenching if you didn’t have to watch Jungkook loving someone else coincidentally.
“Thank you for saying so.” He clears his throat, tries a glance your way but decides to let his gaze drop again. He shifts in his chair a little, before saying, “I understand why you didn’t come to dance practice most of the time. And honestly, I didn’t like that you weren’t there. I know it makes me selfish, but I… I wanted to see you? Because…” He gulps, and you watch a tear as it rolls down his cheek. “Because then I could at least know that you were okay?”
You shut your eyes, nodding slowly. “It was just too hard to see you.”
“I know.”
There’s a pause in the conversation, while both of you fight the emotions that are choking you up. You expected you’d get angry at him, but all you’re able to feel is longing, the kind of longing that aches and burns and crushes your heart.
“I was a dick for not listening to you that night after practice,” he says, slowly. You open your eyes to look at him, catching his eyes on you before they flit back to the table. “I knew exactly what you were going to say, and I couldn’t hear it. I think if we had had this conversation then, I would have hated you.”
It’s your turn to gulp. “Why?”
“Because it was too soon. I was still neck deep in the embarrassment, and in the selfishness. But I wish I didn’t have to break your heart for the embarrassment to go away.”
“You think the ending would have been worse if I had told you that night?”
You sound like you don’t believe it. Maybe because for weeks you’ve kept telling yourself that it would have made things better. It’s hard to accept that it could have made things worse.
“Oh, trust me,” he says, scoffing. “I would have been very ugly. Remember all the fights we used to have? They wouldn’t have compared.” He pulls at his piercing, hard, and you think it probably hurts, but he doesn’t look like he cares. “I was ready to hurt you. That’s why I left.”
There’s an untold sentence there, but you hear it nonetheless.
I knew I was already going to hurt you anyway.
And that he sure did. But you find it hard to be angry at him today. You do let a silence linger for a time, only because you feel like cursing and crying at the same time, and you don’t want either to happen.
It passes, with your gaze diverting to the street outside. You watch a woman walking her dog until she’s disappeared from view, and then your eyes move up to the blue sky. It’s strange how sunny it is, when you feel like a tiny storm is brewing between you and Jungkook.
“Were you happy with her?” you ask, eyes still on the world outside.
It takes a while for Jungkook to reply. “I don’t know, honestly. I wasn’t sad by her side, I won’t lie to you, but I don’t think I was happy.” He chuckles sadly. “In all truth, I think I was punishing myself by being with her.”
It makes you look at him again, and this time your gazes connect like long lost lovers hugging after years apart.
“Punishing yourself for what?”
“For all the bad things I told you, all the times I tried to get on your nerves on purpose.” He shrugs. “For the way I purposefully decided to break your heart, and how I tried to ignore the consequences at first.” He speaks with conviction now, like that’s really what he’s been wanting to say all along. “I knew that being with her was hurting me, and I believed I deserved it.”
“But why?”
“Because… I feel like we’re going in circles, so I won’t repeat all that I just said. But because of all of that,” he says, and there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. “All in all, I just was a fucking idiot.”
You can’t agree more, so you purse your lips and nod once. “That you were.”
He doesn’t even fake offence, just chuckles a little before taking a sip of coffee.
“Do you really want to help me with the apartment?” you ask, thoughtfully, eyes glazing a little as your mind runs miles away from him, to the place of hurt that being homeless at the moment is bringing to you.
“Yes,” he answers softly. “Not even because I want to redeem myself or anything. Like I said yesterday, I do care about you. And I wouldn’t let you go through a situation like this alone.”
You inhale shakily, blinking away the sudden tears. You won’t cry again.
“Okay.”
There’s another silence, only interrupted by the regular café sounds. You only then notice that there’s some music playing, but it’s so low you can barely make-out the song. It sounds like some indie artist you’ve heard once before, but it’s hard to tell.
“Do you think…” he starts, but he doesn’t finish. Instead, he eats a bite of cinnamon bun, as if he’s giving himself time to collect his thoughts. “Do you think we could be friends? Like… I don’t think I deserve your friendship, after everything that’s happened, but I’d forever be thankful if you still gave it to me.”
You don’t even hesitate before you say, “Of course, Jungkook.” You’re choking on tears again. “Of course we’re friends.”             
He’s crying too. “We can put it in the past?”
You bite at your lip to keep a sob in. “It might take some time, but yes, I think we can.”
“Fuck”, he curses, then he adds your name like it’s his favourite line from his favourite poem. He says it softly, carefully. “I am so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.”
He shakes his head, stubbornly blinking his tears away. “No, but like… this is all my fault. I think I’ve never fucked up so bad in my life.”
“Jungkook…”
“I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”
It sounds like a promise, with forever laced to it. And maybe that’s what you are to him, a forever he can’t bring himself to let go.
It’s what he is to you too. Because, for all that Jisung and your father said, you didn’t want to move on from Jungkook. Some part of you always believed you’d find your way back to him, and today, you know you weren’t wrong.
And you’d go through the pain all over again, for eternity, just to experience this moment with him right now. This new cataclysm, the one that creates instead of destroying. It creates a world between you, and you find yourself excited to explore it. Yes, the scars will stay, but scars make us who we are.
Scars mar Jungkook’s skin, mar your heart and his too. Scars are the reason why your heart started opening up in the first place, and scars are what makes you want to hold on to him today. They brought you to him, brought him to you, and the pain that they carry, like everything in life, doesn’t last.
No winter lasts forever, no night can stop the sun from shining when the morrow comes.
But you’re right. It’ll take a while before you’re able to fully forgive Jungkook. The look in his eyes tells you that he’ll be with you every step of the way. It tells you that he’d die for you, and maybe he already did. Maybe you both died for each other, and that’s what the scars truly tell. A story of a complicated love that destroys and creates.
The story of the cataclysm of you and him. The story of the forgotten spaces where you always met. Because Jungkook meets you, even in the darkest corners of your heart. He doesn’t balk from it, doesn’t fear the worst of you. And you’d meet him in the desert, in the dance your hearts share, the one his body can’t experience anymore, but his soul and yours know by heart.
Maybe he’s been your forgotten space all along, and you his.
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queerponcho · 3 months
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Transfixed | part 3
previous part | part 4
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collage made by me with pictures from pinterest
moonknight!system x female!reader
a/n: AHHH- Thank you all so much for reblogging, liking and commenting on my past chapters!!! I just reached 50 reblogs and it honestly means the world that people are embracing a newbie like me (✿◠‿◠)
Warnings: no use of Y/N, fluff, NOT beta read, gushing about the moonboys, flustered awkward dorks, plot-twists, Jake being a menace, (eventual smut, the chapters will be marked individually), inaccurate depictions of DID, egyptian mythology and religion (although I did extensive research I took liberty in changing some things to adhere to my plot...), if I missed anything or made any spelling mistakes pls don't hesitate to tell me!
Summary: Steven and Marc have a little...carfuffle when Jake finally lets them front again, after days of taking over. The date plans are set and both parties eager to meet soon but are we surprised when things don't go as planned..?
2,200 words
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Steven at home
‘I can’t believe this- how does this even happen Steven?’
‘Mate, I don't know! You were there weren’t you? You know how it happened…’
‘So you’re tellin’ me that any pretty girl can just sit there and you will literally tell them all about our personal business???'
‘How else was I supposed to find out about Jake huh?? Say that he’s my identical twin brother and then have to explain myself-'
‘Steven you would never have had to explain anything! Because this was supposed to be ONE conversation over a non-committal coffee- not a damn first date.’ Marc replies sternly. He looks at Steven in the glass of the fishtank and notices him looking deflated and guilty. Great- now he feels guilty for making Steven feel guilty. ‘I-I am sorry man, I shouldn't've gotten this mad, you know how I am about…personal stuff.’ Marc says sincerely. He really has been trying to be better at communicating, it’s been a feat to get here but he would do anything to make Steven's life easier. ‘It’s alright Marc..you’re right I should call off the date’ Steven says while looking at his hands, remembering your touch on his shoulder. The way you made him trust you so easily, even though he barely knew you. How desperately he wanted to get to know you an- ‘Steven, you know we share a brain right?’ Marc says trying to stop Steven from swooning any further. ‘Look- clearly you like her and she seems to like you as well, so who says this won’t turn out well?’ ‘well- you know: “we share a brain”’ Steven says, mocking Marc's previous comment. ‘Okay okay I get it-  I messed up. I’m sorry. There, will you let me help you now?’ Marc looks at Steven expectantly.
Days passed since they had returned home after you left them in the cafe. Steven was pretty sure Jake had taken over after leaving the coffee-shop but he was finally fronting again after a few days. Steven squints his eyes at Marc but relents ‘alright fine, I don’t know what to text her…I think she might be waiting for me to initiate conversation…’ ‘You realise we wouldn't have this issue if I had fronted and you wouldn't have had the chance to fall in love like a desperate teen-boy’ ‘I thought you said you lay off with the mean comments! And i am NOT in love-’
‘yeahyeah, you’ve never had a girlfriend have you? You must be reeaaally nervous…’ he adds in a singsong voice. Marc won’t let up, he’s being dragged into this mess so he might as well have a bit of fun. ‘Okay now I know you’re just takin’ the piss- are you gonna help me or not?’ Steven says fully aware of his embarrassing situation. ‘Alright, you text and I tell ya how to start, alright?’
‘Oh bollocks- uum okok I-I can do this..’ Steven is fronting now sitting on the office-chair and stares at his phone screen, starting with a simple introduction.
steven is typing...
‘Hiya- it’s me Steven!’
He had written, deleted and rewritten the message about six times before finally sending it.
You answered very quickly, you’d been waiting for him to text since you got home a few days ago. Processing everything that happened between you and steven- and well, Jake.
‘hi:) glad to hear from you. I wanted to apologise for leaving so abruptly, but it was all a bit much to process and i was running super late for work haha…i hope you understand’
‘Of course luv. If you’ve got any questions you can always ask, I hope you know that.’
‘i do’
‘i was actually hoping to ask you some questions on that date you promised me;)’
You seemed a bit more forward over text and Steven did not mind it one bit, since it was just the push he needed.
‘Right! I thought we could meet friday? There's this great vegan restaurant, I'd love to take you there?’
‘sounds great! could you pass me the address of the place?’
‘No need luv- I’ll pick you up.’
‘oh!’
‘that works too’
You hadn’t realised the age gap until this moment. They were probably around 10 years older than you with you being in your mid-twenties. You did notice the wrinkles and silver strands when you first saw Jake but hadn’t really thought about the fact that he was about a decade older than you. Just now as he offered to pick you up did you realise the generational difference. You didn’t have an issue with it, you’ve always liked your partners to be a bit older so this definitely wasn’t a turnoff. If anything it only amplified your attraction.
‘I’d love your address’
‘Whenever you get the chance to send it:)’
‘right! sending it now…’
You send him your address. 
‘Thanks luv. Alright, I’ll see you Friday at 7pm then?’
‘yes! see you tomorrow steven<3’
He sat back, setting his phone on the sink. ‘Alright there's your date’
‘Thanks for taking over, Marc- couldn’t have done it alone’
‘Relax Steven- this was just texting. But you realise I can’t just take over during the date, right?’
‘Of course I know that…doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand by just in case…’ 
‘So- wait, what are we gonna do with Jake's notebook?’
‘I uuhm couldn't find anything besides drawings and sketches of her…I mean at least we had those, otherwise we would’ve never found out about him loaning that book.’
‘By the way…we know Jake likes her as well, by getting to know her better, we have a chance of actually luring Jake out-’
‘That might be true but that's not our goal! I- I actually like her…she might become my first proper girlfriend, I don't wanna mess this up.’ Steven is adamant on getting to know you, very hopeful of the connection he feels towards you. An almost magnetic pull he felt between you, one he has never felt with anyone before.
Marc chuckles at the reminder but reassures Steven, ‘And we won't, I promise, you will do fine Steven’
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Friday
It’s 4 am. You’ve been trying to sleep for the past four hours but the thought of getting to see Steven and possibly Jake later today was not letting you relax. If anything it was causing a very persistent tension…in places you really dont wanna delve into. In fact, you’re trying really hard not to think about that tension, which might be the exact reason as to why you can’t seem to find your way to a peaceful slumber. You try to distract yourself by thinking of how this all even started. The way Jake intrigued you since the beginning and had you speechless every time he appeared. And you think about steven- steven who's the polar opposite to jake and is this shy sweetheart that can’t seem to even look you in the eyes but somehow managed to bluntly ask you out on a date. You keep thinking about them and their differences and analyse them, not noticing your eyes slowly shutting closed and your thoughts slowly forming into vivid dreams based on your memories with the boys…you sit up in your bed abruptly remembering your texts with steven. Realising you had shared your private address with a fucking stranger…you hold your head in your hands and push your palms into your eye-sockets trying to calm down. You don't actually know shit about these men…you really should’ve told your friends about them cuz literally no one knows about these encounters. But truly it was all so bizarre and absurd that you really didn’t want your friends to spoil it for you by using anything close to logic or realism. To maybe argue that they could have anything untoward in mind with you. 
You lay back down and finally feel a wave of exhaustion hit you. You want to believe that they actually maybe even like you…of course there is a possibility that Steven only asked you out to find out more about Jake. oh and marc, was it? You wonder what he might be like and if he's anything like his alters. You turn from your clock having hit 5am and finally force yourself into sleep.
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You wake up to your alarm blaring and prepare yourself for work. You start the day groggy and tired due to only sleeping four hours. But just the thought of your date tonight has you motivated enough to hurry up and catch the next bus.
Moonboys POV
Marc woke up around noonish since Steven took forever to finally fall asleep. Lately he’d been better but last night he was as jittery as a six year old the night before christmas. Currently standing in the kitchen brewing himself a cup of black coffee and prepping his mug with two brown sugars. ‘So loverboy, what are you planning for tonight?’ He says while wearing an amused smirk on his face.
‘Okay well first off, cool it with the nicknames yeah? And secondly you literally texted it for me yesterday. We are goin’ to my favourite restaurant.’ Steven replies proudly while also ashamed for not even having the balls to text you himself. ‘About that…I don’t think that place is open right now- in fact I think all the restaurants are closed today, no?’ Marc remarks and pours himself the long awaited bitter brew. ‘Wha-Whatareyousayin mate??’
‘Well’ He clears his throat ‘when I woke up I saw today's date and remembered that today is that weird holiday, the only thing open are convenience stores and the 24-hour Tesco’ he says, his voice laced in an amused tone and takes a slow sip of his sweetened coffee. ‘Bollocks- what am I gonna do?...I could cook?’ ‘Steven’ ‘No, I-i can't even make a- a salad! How the hell am i supposed to cook for her if I can't cook marc?!’ he says panicked ‘Steven’ marc sternly interrupts, carefully putting his half empty mug on the counter 
‘I can help you. I may not be amazing at it but I can remember a few things from- from what our dad taught us.’ Marc and Steven rarely talked about their past but recently they were kinda forced to deal with it. Just the fact that they, let alone Marc, can mention anything from that time so casually is kind of a huge step for them. 
Marc and Steven spend the rest of the day planning, buying and preparing the food for the date. The time comes when Steven has to take over the body to get ready to pick you up. He finds a shirt in the back of his closet- same oversized cut as his others but a bit less casual and more sleek looking than the usual shirts he wears. His hair is as unruly and fluffy as usual despite Marc insisting on sleeking it back. He convinces him to use some curling cream he had found in the back of the bathroom drawer.
Steven applies it sceptically, coming to the conclusion that it does look pretty good. He makes his way to your address making sure to ring on the right door. Basically buzzing from anxiety, Marc is doing everything to keep him calm and rehearse with him what he was gonna do and say when you ringed him in and opened your door, knowing full well, that all the preparation would fly out the window when he actually met you…Jake is silently watching this all transpire and cant help but be amused at all this, not admitting that he was actually a bit nervous himself.
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You came back from work tired BUT extremely excited to get ready. You had to stay a bit longer than anticipated and thus only had about one hour to get ready. Hopping in the shower as quickly as possible you try to calm down under the warm streams of water hitting your body, melting all the tension out of your back, shoulders and sore legs. Work had been exhausting and this shower was proving to get difficult to leave. But the alarm you had set to remind yourself of the time, successfully cut your relaxation short. You quickly exited your shower wrapping your body in a fluffy white towel. Wiping the steamy mirror to see your reflection more clearly, you start getting ready. Adding whatever products you use to your hair and applying sweet smelling lotion to your body, basically doing any- and everything to make you feel as confident and ready as possible for your date, who was supposed to arrive iiiin…twenty minutes?!
You hurried your makeup routine and rushed to your room quickly picking out an outfit you felt sexy in but also had a grounding and comfy vibe. You threw on a beige knitted sweater, which had an oversized fit with a mini-jean skirt. Paired with sheer brown tights, thigh-high beige cashmere socks and brown leather knee-high, high-heeled boots. Finishing off the look with your favourite jewellery and accessories, you look over at the clock. It's 6.50pm and you are just adding the last finishing touches to your look and making sure you've moved all the important things from your ‘work-bag’ to your ‘going out purse’ when the door rings. ‘He's here’ you mutter to yourself, running to the door making sure it's him and pushing the button to the intercom. ‘Yes, hello?’
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a/n: hope yall liked this chapterrr- in the next chapter you'll be able to read all about the date and i am SO excited for yall to read about it *squeals* don't mean to toot my own horn but GURL it's so good i already wanna post it ♪(´▽`)
The lovely people in my taglist: @lilladyblink14 @lemongirl5910
please notify me if you want to be added/ removed from the Taglist<3
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ajhediting · 9 months
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hordraomin · 10 months
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Krita tutorial the way I know it.
Basics: What is where.
Gimmicks.
Specific advice on specific tools.
Basics: What is where.
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Upon opening the program this is what you're met with. First of all, must comment: The layout is HEAVILY editable so you can just drag menus anywhere you want, even leave them floating amidst the sheet you're drawing on.
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You can create custom art templates, I have two o'mine here as both have my signature background color.
As well, you can edit the custom document settings, as in what size you want it, what resolution, even the initial content of the image. As well you can create from clipboard: Just copy some image from your browser and Krita will recognize it (useful for making meme edits lol).
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Now, once you have your file, I will show you what is where.
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Brushes:
Brushes are easy to edit and there are tons of free bundles to download online. I myself only got one bundle, Jackpack (bit hard to find now due to original source being lost, it is still available but bit tricky to come by).
There. Are. Tons.
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Some of these are my custom brushes for calligraphy in neography, you might even guess which ones. You can edit existing brushes, make new ones from the ones you've edited without changing the original, and all sorts of stuff (more below in the third chapter).
There are numerous packages of brushes once you enter Krita, but only one/two are available when you first open it. To unlock them all, click here:
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And make sure all bundles are dark gray in color (example of both dark and light below).
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Now Tools Options: those will pop up depending on what tool you're using.
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Symmetry: Fun stuff. You can drag the lines depending on how you need them and then center them back to the center of the screen if needed.
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Gradients and Textures also have their tools options, you can play with those to get the feeling what they can do (more in third chapter).
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The Filters tab is useful too. Blurring, motion blurring, color mapping, artistic filters and all that: Quite fun.
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Gimmicks.
Krita allows you to customize your workspace freely. Floating menus, tabs, anything you want. It has quite many drivers at that-
To access the workspace templates, go to Window and choose Workspace.
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Krita allows for copy-pasting any image onto the sheet. Though, for me it sometimes crashes if I accidentally copy-paste text into it without choosing the Text tool first.
The software allows for both raster and vector work. It is basically Photoshop sharpened to be used by artists primarily.
There are some interesting mechanics regarding the Eraser (default bind E).
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You can use it with any brush, allowing for textured erasure/quick work. Good for sketching.
You can use it on gradients (given there's a transparent point on the gradient preset).
There's a Multibrush tool:
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People say Krita is good for animation but my brain can't wrap around it yet honestly @~@.
The keybinds:
B - Brush tool.
E - Erase tool option.
M - Mirror (useful for checking accuracy from a new angle).
Ctrl - Color pick (when used with brush or other color-using tools).
Shift+L.Mouse+drag - Changes the size of the brush by dragging left and right.
Ctrl+E - Merge layer with the one below.
Ctrl+G - Group selected layers.
Ctrl+A - Select whole sheet.
Ctrl+Shift+A - Deselect everything.
F - Bucket tool.
G - Gradient tool.
Ctrl+S - Save document.
Ctrl+Shift+S - Save As document.
Ctrl+N - New document.
Ctrl+O - Open document (will be seen in a new tab on top of the sheet).
Ctrl+C - Copy selected layer or selection.
Ctrl+X - Cut selected layer or selection.
Ctrl+V - Paste copied/cut layer or selection.
Q - Multibrush tool.
R.Mouse - Interesting thing: Opens up a quick selector for brushes and colors you've already used in the piece.
1 - Zoom 100%.
2 - Zoom to fit the piece vertically.
3 - Zoom to fit the piece horizontally.
4, 5, 6 - Turn 15 degrees (4 and 6) or undo the turning whatsoever (5).
Ctrl+I - Negative filter applied to layer.
Ctrl+U - Color editing on the layer.
Ctrl+Y - Soft proofing mode (for color mistakes and stuff like that, mostly annoying for me tbh).
Ctrl+T - Transform selection/layer.
Ctrl+R - Square select tool.
Ctrl+J - Lasso select tool.
Honestly you can just hover your mouse over tools and see their shortcut binds, as well. Or edit them in Settings.
Specific advice on specific tools.
Brush:
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Brush editor is a great tool for making custom brushes, and it even has a sratchpad to test them out. Lots of settings, but no need to be afraid; Most of them you might never use on purpose.
Use Brush Smoothing for great and pretty lines in lining pieces or making calligraphy.
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Gradient:
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The four icons to the right top are:
Mirror gradient.
Arrange by lightness value.
Arrange by color value.
Space the stops evenly.
Click the gradient to add a new stop. The three things to the left are:
Make the stop use Primary Color.
Make the stop use Secondary Color.
Make the stop use a fixed color.
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