#today has been a little harsh on me - maybe a little painful even

[jils-things]

to love someone is to heal someone

#~ art #♥️ memoryshipping #ignore tags if youre just here for the art and not me going full diary mode #anyways ... this is a little personal to me #especially with how i treat her here. i think this is a direct projection of how i'm feeling right now #today has been a little harsh on me - maybe a little painful even #i'm okay now - because i resolved it. albeit harboring some bits of anger to it but its not worth fighting about anymore #its hard to say that i'm - very optimistic so to speak because it's only one pillar i just jumped over and there will be more later #and this is me coping with it and im lucky to have mustered some energy to at least express it through drawing #i havent been drawing much for myself and it makes me sad because its my source of happiness #my time for drawing is being repurposed for other stuff right now and it still is and i dont feel entirely happy doing it unfortunately #i still have many things i want to follow up on my drawing list especially in my recent interests peaking again #but i resorted for now to making something im already used to. stevaide lol fgsjsddsjjsdjkghsdjgdjkhskjghshsgsasjhjsjksdjfhsfasgs corny ass #rest assured im at a somewhat relaxed state right now. throwing boops here and there calmed me down because theres people around me #who ig thinks im cool eajdhajhd #ahh anyway

[luveline]

If you’re still up for requests — could you maybe do one where peter or remus comes home after a visibly bad day and the reader misinterprets his behavior and assumes he’s upset with her instead ?? like she’s walking on eggshells, silently fussing around trying to figure out what she did, meanwhile all he wants to do is hold her and decompress 🥺☹️

absolutely no pressure! <33

“Oh my god.” Peter lets out a pained groan at the door, followed by the plastic crinkle of shopping bags hitting the floor. “My back. Jesus.” 

You look up in surprise from your book at the table. “I thought we were going together?” 

“I couldn’t face coming home and going out again.” He drags the bags to the fridge and pauses. “I figured you’d be okay with not having to go?” 

“Sure,” you agree immediately. He has a black cranky fog around him, you can practically feel it as you get up to help him unpack the bags. He doesn’t seem best pleased with you.

He rubs his eyes, rubs his mouth, and turns to the sink. He runs the faucet, pulling one of the glasses back off of the draining board to fill, and wincing at the harsh sound when he turns it too fast. Peter forgets his own strength every now and then —usually when he’s not feeling well. 

Peter gives you a funny look as you step into his space. You quickly step out of it and start to load groceries into the fridge and cabinets, pleased to find he’s bought the things you would’ve gotten yourself and even some things you’d have wanted but not allowed yourself. Maybe he’s not that mad after all—

“God damn,” he says, rolling an empty bag into a ball in his hand, “I forgot the fucking laundry detergent again.” 

“That’s okay–”

“It’s not okay, you’ve asked me to get it three times this week.” 

“I was just reminding you,” you say, fingers tingling with the potential of an impending argument. “It’s fine. We haven’t run out yet, we can squeeze another wash out of it. I’ll get some tomorrow.” 

He sits down in the chair you’d been sitting in and moves your book and plate of snacks aside, neither gentle nor rough about it. “Damn,” he says again, dropping his face into his hands.

“Pete…” 

His eyes must be sore by now he’s rubbing them so much, hands held to his eyes and fingers scratching into his hair. He tips his face toward the table and lets himself sit with whatever it is that’s getting him down. Me, you think worriedly. I shouldn’t have asked him to get groceries today. You knew he had a longer shift than usual, and that he’d want to do some Spidering afterward. 

You’ve sorry on the tip of your tongue when he lays his face heavily in one hand, elbow on the table barely keeping him up, and holds the other out toward you. Rejecting him doesn’t even cross your mind. 

“Fuck, I missed you today,” he says, taking your hand as soon as you offer it and dragging you toward him. You peer down at him with wide eyes as he wraps his arm around you, his nose quick to hide in the linen of your shirt. His voice tickles, “I just wanted to be with you. I knew this would make me feel better.” 

There’s a little dry barb at the back of your throat you can’t speak past. Peter doesn’t notice, rubbing his cheek in your side as he repositions you for optimal hugging. He lets out a self-pitying whine, second arm joining the first in a lock behind your back. “You smell amazing.” 

“I do?” you ask finally. 

“I think you’re just made for me, angel,” he says, voice dragging with fatigue. “You always smell good.” 

You squint with lips pursed, blinking in confusion as you bring your hand up to his hair. “Thanks for going to the store.”

“You’re welcome. I can’t function without groceries either, anyways.” He sighs with the particular Parker brand of lovelorn contentedness, a familiar sound. He makes the same noise when you’re tucked up in bed together on the weekends with nowhere to go, or holding hands on the subway travelling home, knee to knee or intertwined. “Can’t believe how quickly you make me feel better,” he murmurs. 

“I kinda thought you were mad at me,” you confess, matching his tone.

“You have some strange wires crossed in your brain,” he says. His sympathy and affection for you is palpable; his hand tracks a soft line down the curve of your back. 

“Yeah, I know. Do you want me to rub your shoulders?” you ask, pressing your face to the mop of his thick hair. 

He hugs you tightly. “You’re my dream girl.” 

#tasm peter parker #tasm peter x reader #tasm peter parker imagine #tasm peter parker x you #tasm peter parker x reader #tasm x reader #peter parker x reader #tasm!spiderman x reader #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!peter imagine #tasm!peter parker #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm! peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #peter parker oneshot #peter parker blurb #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #spiderman x you #spiderman fanfiction

[poeticpascal]

White Lies (Joel Miller x Reader)

Masterlist | Request here!

Summary: Joel would do anything for you. He does anything for you. And he makes sure you don't know a thing.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: violence, Joel kills 3 dudes (what murdaaah?), descriptions of blood and wounds, stitches, Joel feels guilt and shame but is also very soppy and very in love, fuff and angst all tangled up, descriptions of chronic pain

A/n: I have had a bloody nightmare the last few weeks with suspected endometriosis, which is what inspired me to write this. In my head, reader has endo and the medicine is some sort of contraception or strong painkillers to help her manage it. But it isn't explicitly mentioned so you can imagine whatever you most relate to. Please do let me know what you think, and as always, requests are open!

It’s a harsh winter, even by Boston’s standards.

The QZ is coated in a veil of thick snow, the blizzard that took hold weeks ago now bruising the streets with an icy fist.

Joel pulls his coat tighter around himself, grateful at least for the cover the snowstorm offered, the skies foggy and grey. He can slip through the alleyways much quicker, much quieter beneath the frost. His footsteps are erased almost as soon as he leaves them, and when things get messy, he can soothe his wounds in the freeze.

Which is good, because things get messy a lot.

Not that he’d tell you that. You were too pure, too gentle; not unlike the snow that paints your doorframe now.

No, Joel keeps those things from you. The world has been unkind enough, and if he has one purpose now, it’s to protect that sweetness of yours. To collect it, each golden ray of sunshine that so easily radiates from you, to give it back and let you bask in the warmth of your own soul. 

No one deserves it more than you do. Least not him, and yet you’d given him more love, more sweetness, than he could ever dream of.

That’s why he told you he was working a late shift today - sewage, he thinks he said - rather than where he actually is at 3am, catching his death in an old littered alleyway.

He occasionally shifts to avoid the silver moonlight dripping from the gaps in the fire-escape stairs above him. Tonight’s meeting should be a simple one, free from FEDRA’s strict patrols; he’d done this long enough now to know when, and where, was safest for these things.

He stays on high alert, though. Just in case.

Marco’s late. He isn’t known for being the most competent of dealers, but Joel was getting desperate now, and he was the only crook in the QZ who could get what he needed. He was a small man, a bit pathetic looking, really. But he was smart, and he had connections that even Joel couldn’t make for all his smuggling and dealing.

So when Joel’s supplier told him he couldn’t help him anymore, he didn’t have a choice. That’s what he tells himself, anyway.

“Miller, there ya’ are.” Joel’s snapped out of his thoughts, his looming regret of this whole situation, as Marco strolls down the alley. He grins, in the same cocky way he always did, the sort of grin a man who couldn’t win a fight but has enough men who could wrapped around his finger, doing the dirty work for him.

Joel insisted he come alone. Not because he couldn’t handle his goons; he knew he could. Maybe. But it would cause a scene, and draw attention, to something he very much wanted to keep under wraps.

He’s semi-surprised to see the two men walking behind Marco. Deep down, he’d had some faith that the dealer would stick to his word.

“Quiet the fuck down,” Joel warns, seething through his teeth as his eyes search the alley behind them, making sure they hadn’t been heard. “Who are your friends?”

Marco follows Joel’s gaze towards his companions. “They’re just here to observe.”

The men are the same height as Joel, maybe a little taller. He recognises both from the sleazy speakeasies that lie beneath the floors of the QZ. Where the bad guys go. 

One is bald, with a jagged scar carved across his cheek and over his eye. He’s scowling, unlike Marco and the other man, who looks somewhat softer with thick hair grown to his shoulders and brown eyes that stayed on Joel like bedrock.

“That’s not what we agreed,’ Joel growls.

There’s tension in the air, thick, and they must feel it too because Marco’s henchmen each have a hand hovering near their sides, where silver blades reflect the white of the snow.

“I recall us also agreeing that you’d get your meds in return for the money. But we’re doing things a little differently today.” Joel remains stoic, though his eyes turn dark and angry, the moon’s light no longer illuminating his features. Marco tiptoes slowly towards him, getting so close that Joel can feel his breath and raising a hand to pick a piece of lint from his flannel shirt. “I want my money. But you might have to wait a little longer for your meds.”

Joel reacts then, squaring up to him, stepping forward and clenching his fists. The other men wrap their hands around their blades, anticipating a fight. Marco just laughs.

“‘Scuse me?” Joel asks, though they all know he understood what was going on.

“You’re gonna give me the amount we agreed. And then, you’re gonna speak to one of your guard friends, and cut me a deal. Then you might get your meds.”

Joel’s anger swells inside him like a beast, his previous care to stay hidden long gone as he imagines driving his fist into Marco’s smug, son of a bitch face again and again and again. 

He has to think this through, though. He needs those meds. Marco can see the cogs turning. “Just give me the money, Miller. Don’t make this difficult. You can’t take three of us.”

“No?” Joel retorts, already decided in what he’d do next. “I don’t think it’s worth findin’ out. Give me the meds.”

Marco sighs, dropping his head and stepping away from Joel, leaving him to face his men. “Shame, Joel. You really coulda helped us.”

He nods to his men, who immediately draw their blades and attack. The first lands a punch on his face, the weight of it surprising him as he falls back into the railing. Before he can recover, the other has already plunged a blade through his stomach, right below his ribcage. He controls himself, swallows the yell that claws its way up his throat, tries to think. The cold steel of the rail stabs into his back, and when another fist collides with his cheek and sends him to the floor, he uses it to haul himself up and tackle one of the men - the softer one - to the ground with him.

Marco only stands and watches as Joel throws his weight onto the man and smashes his head into the stone floor. The other grabs his shoulder, spinning him round but Joel’s prepared this time and he dodges the swat of his knife. Instead he throws a punch into his stomach, making him double over which gives Joel the opportunity to grab the knife strapped to his calf and drive it through the bald man’s throat. He stumbles, collapsing to the floor with a choked cry, and Joel turns back just in time to see the other man trying to stand, though the injury to his head makes him dizzy. Joel stands first, easily pushing the man to the ground, and stomping on his head with as much force as his steel-toed boots would let him. Both men stay down.

Marco has regressed into the darkness of the alley, and he looks somehow smaller than usual. He’s pathetic, and if this was any other job, he’d laugh. But this wasn’t a laughing matter, and there was only one target for him; the medication.

The smaller man reaches into his pocket, searching for his gun, but Joel anticipates the move and has already reached him and thrown him against the wall before he can find it. His movements strain the wound in his abdomen, but he doesn’t care. Doesn’t feel it.

Joel’s fist pins Marco to the wall by his throat, making him splutter and flail like a fish out of water.

“Where are the fuckin’ pills, Marco?” He just continues to flail, trying to pull Joel’s hand off of him with both of his own, to no effect. Joel scoffs, throwing him to the floor and dragging his knife out of the now dead henchman’s neck. “If you won’t tell me, I guess I’ve got no use for ya.” He uses his shirt to clean the blade, the flannel already soaked in blood, his own.

“For fuck sake, Marco whines, slightly out of breath. “They’re at my place.”

“There anyone else there?” Joel asks, so nonchalantly that it almost sounds like a passing thought.

“No, no one there. But you’ll need me to get you in.”

Joel looks up again, the now-clean knife held in his fist with a vice-like grip. He stalks towards Marco, ignoring his desperate pleas. 

“Shouldn’t be a problem-” 

With that, he stabs him in the chest, letting him choke and gasp on the floor and searching his pockets for a key. He finds it, and does a quick, final survey of the alleyway. The once perfectly settled snow is disturbed, kicked up in the fight, and deeply stained with blood.

Joel curses, but leaves, only now noticing the burning pain from his torso. He leans against the wall, now stood out in the street, open; but there are no guards. He doesn’t think he’d care. Instead he grabs a fistful of the snow around his feet, packs it into the wound, hissing at the sharp pain of the ice but quickly feeling relief as it numbs him.

This was going to be a long night.

—------------------

It’s another couple of hours or so before he returns. There were, in fact, people at Marco’s place - but Joel knew that would be the case anyway. They weren’t a problem.

He’d showered in Marco’s flat, after taking out the men hanging out in there. Protecting it, he assumed. And he’d found a med pack that let him stitch up the wound to some degree; it was a hack job, but it should do the trick. He’d had worse.

The most important thing was that he found the meds.

The old door of your place creaks as he steps inside, quickly closing it behind him before the cold could enter. It’s futile, really; the wooden pillars are rotten, decaying so badly that the wind sweeps through the cracks with ease, and he can see dustings of snow on the floor around your windows. But he tries anyway.

“Joel?”

There you are.

It’s scary, honestly, what your voice does to him. Even so quiet, so distant from the bedroom upstairs, it lifts the weight from his shoulders that he thought he’d carry forever.

“I’m here, baby. I’m comin’.” He pulls off his shoes, placing them neatly beside the door just how you like, and heads upstairs. His bloodied shirt is long gone, buried in some forgotten corner of the QZ, where he has a collection of discarded items by now.

You don’t reply, he doesn’t expect you to. He reaches your bedroom, gently opening the door and sighing at the sight of you lying there, curled up between mountains of sheets and pillows.

He’d almost think you look peaceful if he didn’t know how much pain you’re in.

“Oh, honey,” he laments, crossing the distance from the door to you and kneeling down beside your head. You open your eyes, though they’re weighed down by exhaustion, and a small smile creeps onto your lips at the sight of the man before you.

“Hi,” you whisper, letting a gentle hand poke out from the duvet and brush his jaw. He can’t help but grin back at you, the total mess that took place just hours ago wiped from his mind completely, and he leans into your touch.

The both of you just stay like that for a moment, your thumb sweeping across his cheek, his eyes never leaving yours. Then you wince, and no matter how much you try to hide it, he can see the wave of pain inflict your body.

“I’ve got your tablets, sweetheart.” He reaches into his pocket, a desperation to his actions now; he hates seeing you like this. You just nod, pushing a meek but honest “thank you” past your lips, so quiet that he almost doesn’t hear it. His heart swells.

Joel presses out one tablet and hands it to you, then picks up the glass of water that stands on your side table, making a mental note to replace it later. You take the pill, grabbing hold of his hand before he can pull it away, and give it a gentle squeeze. He follows your lead and tips the water to your lips once you’ve placed the tablet on your tongue, gently helping you swallow and squeezing your hand right back.

A look of relief washes over your face, and he finally lets himself relax. He stands, letting go of your hand and leaning over to kiss your forehead, before pulling off the clothes he’d taken from Marco’s wardrobe and climbing in beside you.

He only knew heaven in these moments with you, late at night, when your hands reach for him beneath the sheets and your head nuzzles into his neck. It’s no different tonight; he’s quiet, unsure if you’d fallen asleep in those few seconds, and as much as he wishes you’d rest, he can’t deny the way his lips curl when he feels your gentle touch wrap around him.

“How was today? Doing the sewage?”

Joel swallows. “Yeah, yeah. It was fine. Don’t you worry about it, sweetheart.” His arms envelop you, holding you tight against him, one hand drawing gentle circles on your back. He’s lost in the bliss for a moment, letting it wash over him in waves, when your hand brushes his haphazard and you freeze. So does he.

“Joel,” you say; it’s still a whisper, but not the tired kind you’d given him earlier. It’s like you’re too scared to ask. “What’s that?”

He panics, holding you tighter, trying to think. He can’t believe himself for not remembering to cover it, to make sure you didn’t see. 

“There was an accident today. I did some building work before I went to sewage, a pipe fell. Nicked me real bad-” you gasp, forcing yourself to sit up with shaky arms. Joel immediately pulls you back down, his hands grasping your face, staring into your eyes like they held the world inside them. It’s dark, but they glimmer, and he just hopes you can’t see his fear.

“No no. It’s fine, baby. I’m fine. Got seen by the doc, got a couple ‘a stitches. Says i’ll be all good by tomorrow.”

“By tomorrow? Joel that doesn’t sound right-”

He interrupts you. He hates this. “I promise, baby. That’s what she said. I promise.” He wipes a thumb across your cheek, and the way you seem to settle, to believe him, makes him ache. He hates this.

You nuzzle back into his side, placated. You trust him, endlessly, and he hates that he abuses that trust just as much as he needs to protect you. A means to an end, he thinks.

The two of you are silent for a few moments, your hand lay gentle over his wound. Like you’re trying to heal it. He thinks it’s working.

“Thank you for picking up my medicine,” you say.

“It’s okay.” His words are quiet, muffled; he’s got his face buried in your hair now, revelling in your scent, and really, he doesn’t want to talk about this with you. He doesn’t want to lie anymore than he already has.

You’re still oblivious, though. Still sweet.

“I’m so glad you can make my rations cover it. I don’t know what I’d do if they made them more expensive.”

Oh, babygirl, he thinks.

Because your rations don’t cover your medicine. Neither did his. Even combined, they’d hardly cover a drink in the bar these days. He’d seen you work and work and work, in spite of the pain that bloomed in your abdomen and tortured your bones until you could hardly stand up anymore, and he saw the way they laughed in your face and turned you away when you tried to get the help you needed. When you tried to trade your labour for medicine. You were nothing to them.

So he told you he could barter the price down. That it was best if he goes from now on, to make sure you’re not taken advantage of. He takes your rations, stuffs them right back in the savings pot you keep above the shelves in your kitchen, and leaves to make whatever underground deals he needs to in order to get those meds. And you didn’t know a thing.

He must’ve been quiet for a while, because you continue. “And I’m glad you don’t do those scary things anymore.”

That gets his attention. “Scary things?”

“Yeah. Like, the smuggling and stuff.” You take a breath, tighten your arms around his waist. “I mean, I know why you did it. I’m glad you were able to look after yourself.”

Joel curses to himself, unable to wipe the tears that brimmed in his eyes as you spoke, because that would mean letting go of you.

“But I’m also glad you don’t do that anymore. You go out, and you work, even the horrible sewage shifts like tonight.” You giggle, but Joel can’t even force himself to smile. Shame consumes him.

“I’m proud of you, Joel.”

He’s silent. He doesn’t know what to say. He feels like shit.

If you notice his stillness, you don’t mention it. That alone makes his heart ache; you’d always been so understanding, so careful to make sure he’s okay while knowing exactly how to handle his feelings.

It’s odd, really, how fiercely you protect one another. He doesn’t let the darkness of the world so much as touch you, and you extract the horrors from his veins like a vacuum, making him forget the damage was ever even there.

His eyes flitter down, watching you drift asleep, finally at peace and free from pain. He exhales.

He’d never feel good about lying to you. But some things, he thinks, are worth it.

You are worth it.

And so he brushes away the hair that’s fallen over your eyes, trying to fight the droopiness of his own so he can keep them on you for just a second longer. But sleep overtakes him, and the only reason he lets himself fall into dreamland, is because he knows he’ll find you there, too.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x yn #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fluff #joel miller #pedro pascal x yn #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #my writing #poeticbarnes #poeticbarnes writes

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 58

part 1 | part 57 | ao3

@steddie-island said i wasn't allowed to cut this lol. cw: angst, canon typical horror, mentions of minor character death

“Lucas called me a ghost today.”

Steve almost laughs, bitter and sharp. Sure. Why not? What’s one more ghost in his passenger seat?

He doesn't really want to talk to her right now, if he's honest. It's been fifteen minutes and she still hasn't apologized for trying to rob him, or explained where they're going, or what spooked her, or why this car ride was so urgent that he had to risk his job for it — a job he actually needs, considering his, well, everything. She's hardly said anything beyond the occasional "turn here" or "next left" while sulking with her forehead pressed against the window.

But he can tell she has something she needs to get off her chest, so he swallows his annoyance and offers, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she says back. Doesn't elaborate.

He gives her another minute to gather her words, watches her open and close her mouth a few times in his periphery, but nothing comes out. She scoffs at herself and abruptly changes the subject. “Eddie was being extra… well, extra today.”

“Was he?” Steve asks, his bones itching under his skin. He doesn't want to talk about Eddie. Doesn't want to think his name.

“Yeah, he, uh- he was kinda manic? He was, like, running all over the cafeteria and starting shit with Jason Carver...” And he's only half-listening, anger simmering as she goes on and on, because she promised that Dustin didn't put her up to this. Said that this wasn't some bullshit excuse to get him to talk about Eddie or hang out with Eddie or think about Eddie or kiss and make up with fucking Eddie, and now she's just talking about him, and it-

And it hurts; god, it still just hurts—

"....Then he started rambling about how he can’t wait to get the hell out of here when he graduates.”

Searing-stabbing-burning-sharp. Steve clutches at the flare of pain in his chest, the crushed soda-can feeling where his heart's supposed to be. His head pounds. He follows her next direction onto a winding, tree-lined road, the canopy suffocating overhead, and his skin feels too dry — too tight, too small, shrink-wrapping him inside of it, because he knows where they are now. Knows the tilt of the rusted lamp shade, the shape of the weather brick paths. He's tasted the metal tang of this stop sign in his nightmares.

Fuck. Fuck.

"Cool," he grits out as he drives through the cemetery gates. Past stone and wrought iron, past the empty central fountain. He hasn't been here since July. “Good for him.”

“Steve-"

“Why are you telling me this?" he snaps. He throws the car in park under an old oak and turns to glare at her, barking a frustrated, "Huh?"

Immediately, he feels bad for raising his voice. Feels even worse for the way she flinches away. The naked fear on her face, her hand reaching for the door. He takes a long, deep breath and lets it out slowly through his nose. “Sorry. Sorry. Just-" There's a leak inside him somewhere; some infected, gaping hole, and his stupid heart keeps pumping all his blood into the wound. "Why are you-?”

“Look,” she says sharply, "I know it sucks. To talk about him." She's staring at the rows of headstones up ahead, her face gone steely with determination, her shoulders squared, her big eyes wide and a little wet when she turns to meet his gaze. “But whatever you were— whatever happened, it just… it really messed him up.”

Good. "You sound like Dustin."

"Maybe Dustin had a point."

"Since when?"

She throws her hands up, nostrils flaring. "I'm trying to tell you that I think he still cares!"

“Yeah? He’s got a seriously fucked up way of showing it if so!”

“Yeah, well some of us don’t know how to show it!”

And oh.

Oh.

Silence blankets them like dust. Eyes locked; harsh breaths. This has nothing to do with him and Eddie, does it?

Lucas called me a ghost.

Steve sighs and slumps forward, his forearms on the wheel, his chin resting on his wrist. The late afternoon sun is warm through the glass, and his head gives another nasty throb as he looks out over the hill, at the polished stones glinting in the golden hour rays.

His dad is buried here.

A lot of people are.

“Hey,” he murmurs, rolling his neck to look at her. The skin under her eyes is red. "Sorry for yelling."

She sniffs quietly. "Me, too."

He reaches over and gives her hand a quick squeeze, keeping his voice low and gentle. "You know you can just talk to me, right? Max, talk to me. Please.”

Her bottom lip quivers. “It’s nothing, okay?” She sinks down in her seat, crossing her arms to shield herself. “Shit’s just been… it’s just been weird all week. Like- like bad weird, and I don't know if I'm just going crazy, or— I mean, maybe Ms. Kelley's right, maybe's it's just— but it feels like…”

"Like what?"

She holds a hand out flat in front of her; flips her wrist over slowly so her palm faces the sky.

Steve's blood runs cold. He thinks of his own nightmares: the weird visions, the headaches, the persistent haunted feeling.

"I don't know anything for sure," she insists, rushing to reassure him before he can fully start to panic. "Seriously, don't freak out; I haven't, like, seen any gates or anything, it's just— bad dreams. Nose bleeds. I don't know." She hoists her backpack onto her shoulder. "I thought coming here might help."

He catches her by the arm, raking his eyes over her face, looking for any signs of danger. "Is there anything I can do?"

She shakes her head no and tugs free of his grip, and then she's slipping out of the car, letting the door fall shut behind her, and Steve watches her crest the hill while sirens wail inside his head.

—

part 59

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

#trailer park steve au #steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #max mayfield #my writing #my fic #i rewrote this 42 goddamn times #also i promise reunion is still coming #max had a lot to say apparently lol

[onehyperfixationatatime]

We’re not saying goodbye, not today, okay?

Summary: You and Dustin get Eddie out of the upside down. Eddie x reader

Authors note: a lot of you asked for something where Eddie survives, so I figured to give you a little something. This was really quickly written, I promise to put more work into something even better along these lines soon! All of the works I’ve posted on here so far have been first drafts, so please don’t be too harsh🤧 

“Eddie!!” you scream, following Dustin out of the upside down trailer and racing towards your lover. God no, please, please no. When the demobats fall, you and Dustin run to Eddie. Placing his head in your lap, you inspect him to see the damage. “Oh god,” Dustin cries. “Bad, huh?” Eddie says, looking up at the two of you. “Hey, hey its gonna be okay. Stay with me Eddie, stay right here. Come on, you’re going to get up, and we are going to get you out of here,” you reassure him. He shakes his head, he can feel that he is really not okay. “It’s gonna be okay,” he tells you. “Please baby, were not saying goodbye. Not today, okay?” you plead with him. “Look, we just gotta get you to a hospital. Okay? Y/n help me get him up!” Dustin yells desperately.

Eddie hooks one arm around Dustin’s neck and the other around yours, and together, you’re able to walk him all the way back to the trailer. “Son of a bitch… how are we going to get him up there?” you think out loud, tears streaming continually down your face as the love of your life nears death in your grasp. The sound of him struggling to breathe clouds your already racing mind. You cant lose him, not today, not here, not like this.

“Okay, okay Eddie stay calm, were gonna get you out of here,” Dustin scans the room, trying so hard not to let panic set in. “Okay, i think were gonna have to lift him. But from the ground… it’s too low.” He grabs the table sitting next to the front door, and slides it right under the gate. “I don’t think this can hold all of our weight,” you say, concerned. “Do you have a better idea? It’s worth a shot, and right now its the only one we have,” Dustin yells.

You nod, helping eddie stand up on the barely stable table, you getting up there with him. You bend down on one knee, and use your hands as a stepping stool. ”Okay Eds, just try to reach it, you can do this baby, please, just reach.” You can hear how much pain he is in as he reaches, blood still spilling from his wounds. It shatters your heart to listen to it but you just need to get him back. Then everything will be okay.

___________________________________________

The next day-

Eddie has been really quiet since yesterday. You cant blame him, it was traumatic. Hell, this whole damn week has been traumatic for him, for all of you. He hadn’t been able to shower last night because of how weak he was after losing all of that blood, but you had made sure to clean and wrap all of his wounds before the two of you went to bed. You were just glad he was safe, alive. You were so close to losing him.

“Eddie, do you want to try to take a shower?” you ask him, brushing your thumb across his cheek. His eyes close, feeling safety and love from your touch. God, how he loved your touch. How he loved you. He wishes he could say something, anything. But he doesnt know what to say. Maybe he’s just still in shock, and a shower would help him feel a bit better. He nods, accepting your request. He stands up and follows you to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. “It’s okay, you're okay now. Nothing can hurt you right now, okay?” you say softly as you move towards him, placing a soft, gentle kiss on his cheek. He closes his eyes as your lips make contact with his cheek. He wants so bad to be with you here, in this present moment. But every second of the last week is running through his mind on a loop. The events of last night, the pain, the fear, all of it.

You place another gentle kiss on his jawline, then his neck. After helping him take his shirt off, you begin to undress his wounds. They look really bad, but not half as bad as they did… Eddie lets out a wince when the bandages peel away from his skin, sending waves of pain through his whole body. “Im sorry..” you tell him. “It’s okay, its okay. Y/n i love you so much. So fucking much do you know that? God, thank you for everything,” he says all at once, tears now streaming down his cheeks. “Thank you for saving me.”

“Don’t thank me, i wasn’t going to let you martyr yourself. As beautiful a display of sacrifice and bravery as it would have been, i couldn’t lose you. And it wouldn’t have been worth it. I’m just glad your here, with me.” You take his face in your hands and kiss his lips carefully, missing the feeling of his lips on yours. Eddie smiles down at you as you remove the rest of his clothes, then yours. He has no idea how he got so lucky, but you are the best part of his life.

You find a nice warm but not too hot temperature for the water before getting in, eddie right behind you. He lets you under the water first, wetting your hair and your body. Your beautiful body. “You look like a fucking goddess you know that?” he says in an almost monotone voice as his eyes gaze upon every inch of you. Your cheeks heat up at his comment and you lean in, kissing his chest and leaving a trail of kisses all along his arms and chest, avoiding any wounded areas, before switching spots with him.

Eddie is under the water now, his hair quickly soaking. You watch as beads of water roll down his pale skin. He is such a beautiful man. A literal work of art. Moving closer, you are now both under the water to some extent. Your bodies so close, yet not quite touching to be careful not to hurt him. “I don’t know what I would have done, had we not been able to…” you start to say, quickly earning a ‘shh” from Eddie, and a finger held up to his lips.

“But you did. You and Dustin, you guys saved my life. I’m right here y/n, right here. Okay baby? You’re not going to lose me. I promise I’m going to be a pain in your ass for a really long time. You got that?” Eddie takes your face in his hands now, forcing you to make eye contact with him. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere, its all okay now. We don’t need to worry right now, okay? Let this moment just be us, together, no crazy monsters or nasty shit or dark wizards. Just you, and me.” 

#stranger things volume 2 #stranger things imagines #stranger things drabbles #stranger things 4 #stranger things #Eddie #Eddie munson #rip Eddie munson #Eddie munson x reader #Eddie x reader #Eddie munson imagines

[muffinsin]

Would you be willing to write a fic of G!P Cassandra x fem! Reader x G!P Donna? Maybe the reader had been teasing the both of them all day and the second the three of them are alone Donna and Cassandra mercilessly fuck the Reader as punishment?

(I sure hope the 🐉 anon position isn’t taken because it’s mine now >:)

This has been in my inbox far too long y’all, glad I get to write it out at last- it’s been so long RIP me is sorry. Not 100% with it buuuuut ye

Let’s get into it!👀

Masterlists

You feel shivers run down your spine the second Daniela gets up to leave. You’re all too aware that she is the only reason your two owners, Donna and Cassandra, haven’t taken you yet.

Perhaps, you deserve it.

Perhaps, you shouldn’t expect anything but rough treatment when you’ve been teasing them all day. You know, you’ve been an insufferable brat today. A part of you yearns for the roughness you know you will receive from the other two women.

You gasp audibly when you feel Cassandra grip your upper thigh tightly as she shoots her sister a smile. You know, her patience is running out.

And she isn’t the only one.

You watch as Daniela is practically led to the door by a small minion of short dolls pushing up against her legs and tugging her forth to the doorway. Donna’s hand moves, and you tense up when it rests on your other upper thigh.

It looks almost cute, your two mistresses grabbing one thigh each, their fingertips digging into your skin. Cassandra’s strong, large hand on you, and Donna’s precise, veiny and well trained one.

They both smile with false gentleness as the youngest Dimitrescu sister exits the house, and the moment the door slaps shut with a heavy push from a doll, their smiles falter and turn to angry frowns.

You gasp when they each tug their hand, fingers digging into your skin as your thighs are pulled apart. You whimper , dressed in one of the dresses Donna has made for you. It’s long, and has so far done a good job at keeping your naughty little secret hidden.

Or so you thought.

Yet, when Cassandra inhales and growls quietly, your eyes widen in realization. Did you truly think you could keep it from her?

With a sharp tug your dress is pulled up, and your cheeks burn crimson as both hands on your thighs tighten their grip. You’re entirely exposed to them, the lack of underwear allowing the two dominant women to see your dripping wet core, glistening and practically calling out to them.

You feel Cassandra push up against your neck, her warm breath tickling the sensitive skin found there. You shiver when you soon feel knife-sharp edges snd tips of teeth drag against you.

You only realize your eyes have closed when you open them up again, wide and surprised at the sudden feeling between your spread legs.

You can only squeak in embarrassment and shock when you suddenly two fingers are pushed roughly inside of you. Your hips automatically buck up and a harsh whimper and shriek is pulled from you when the dangerously sharp teeth at your neck dig in at last.

You whine as the skilled fingers curl within you, but before the pleasure can even sink in properly, Donna pulls her arm back already. You watch through lidded eyes as she raises her fingers, soaked in your arousal, to her face, and feel as though your world is spinning when she sucks her index finger into her mouth.

You whimper again at a particularly sharp jab of pain to your throat, a single tear sliding from your eye as you see blood trickle down your front, stemming from your neck.

Your eyes are wide and you feel lightheaded when Donna’s soaked index finger is presented to you. An offer? No. A silent command. You eye the finger hungrily, eager to feel your own wetness up against your tongue.

However, you have dug your own grave already. Might as well dig deeper.

Her gaze turns colder, harsher, when you merely press your lips together and a self satisfied grin is shot her way. Something dangerous flashes in her dark eye for a mere moment.

“You’re being naughty today, bella”, she hums, and your head spins yet again at the raspiness of her voice.

You flinch as her free hand shoots up from your thigh, a surprised whimper pulled from you when it grasps your jaw tightly.

For a moment, you think to deny her. To embrace the painful ache of her fingers pressing into your skin. Then, her grasp tightens and with a cry, your lips part and mouth falls open for your lover.

“Keep misbehaving”, Cassandra hums against your throat. She dares you to.

You shiver again, your clit aching and your nipples hardening when you feel her lick across your neck eagerly.

Donna’s middle finger is pressed to your tongue, her grip on you harsh, her gaze even more so. She’s smirking slightly at your helpless moans and whimpers, and relishes in your pathetic gagging whenever she pushes too far back.

Upon adverting your eyes, you find the very obvious tents in both women’s dresses. Cassandra’s, twitching and intimidating in width, and Donna’s, large and capable of taking your ability to walk.

“What, got nothing to say, morsel?”, Cassandra taunts, her teeth gently clasping down on your injured neck again. “You had so much to say earlier, little lamb. When you teased us like a little slut”, she hums, a low chuckle coming from her at the increase of your heart rate.

You whine when your jaw is released and Donna pulls back, your eyes curiously following the woman just when she stands up in front of you.

“She’s going to be a good girl now. Won’t you, flower?”

You feel shivers run down your spine at the older woman’s voice. Eagerly, you nod. It’s as though all words have died on your tongue.

You feel fingertips run from your thigh to your pussy, strong, and eager- Cassandra’s. Unlike Donna, she doesn’t enter you with them, however.

Instead you find yourself shrieking and jumping when her palm slaps against your cunt, unforgiving and aimed at your clit. You jerk away at the sudden pain, your thighs clasping close around the woman’s wrist.

Of course, she immediately corrects this by pushing your thighs apart again and trapping one of them with her own.

Your mouth waters as Donna’s dress is practically torn off by the woman, your own body on fire at the sight of hers. Creamy, olive skin is revealed inch by inch.

At last, you’re on eye level with her lower stomach, your lips almost perfectly lined up with her long cock. You squeak when Cassandra’s hand comes up again and your jaw is forced open yet again.

This time, for your dollmaker.

The woman only watches you, her dark eye unchanged and her emotions shrouded.

You feel her tip push up against your tongue, the soft, pink head large against your skin. With a single thrust, she buries herself completely inside.

Your eyes close automatically and your thighs jerk when you feel both, Donna’s cock in your mouth, and Cassandra’s fingers between your legs push forwards and deep in you.

You whimper and moan, your jaw held tightly in place to prevent any thought of bratting and teasing again. Your throat is tight around the cock fucking it, and it’s making both yours and Donna’s head spin.

You hear her panting, loud and breathless, as her hips thrust back and forth wildly. Your pussy clenches around Cassandra’s fingers. Soaking in the pleasure, you can’t help but allow your slightly shaky hand to slide across her thigh.

You find the bulge in her dress easily and grin as much as your spread open lips allow you to when you squeeze and draw a groan from her. Warm blood dries at your neck as wetness drips from you and coats her fingers throughout.

“You’re tight”, Cassandra hums, a maniacal laughter passing her lips when her tongue drags against your throat. You feel it bulge with Donna’s cock, and know she does too. Your hips buck up when fingers curl within you and a tongue drags over the obvious bulge in your throat and mouth.

“She’s soaked”, Cassandra taunts, her own hips grinding to push her bulge up against your hand.

You whimper when your pleasure ends all too fast already as she retracts her fingers from you. Even through teary eyes you see them glistening in the corner of your eye. Your wetness, slick against the two digits that have been rammed into you, coating them from her nail to the knuckle.

You shriek when she suddenly turns you, as if she ran out of patience. You’re left kneeling over, your eyes pressed shut and mouth wide open, tears running down your cheeks from the constant gagging. Donna feels even deeper in you.

Your dress is tugged up around your hips and your thighs are spread wide. You groan around the large cock pushing in and out of your mouth, your vision blurry. You smell Donna, the perfume and scent of flowers and fresh wood that sticks to her.

Then, you feel another cock, wider, stronger, push up against your sensitive clit. You whimper as Cassandra thrusts herself along your pussy, as though collecting all the wetness that so easily drips from you.

Once, twice, three, four times. Antagonizing you, teasing you. You feel her thick head and shaft against you, long soaked in your wetness. Drool sticks to your chin and Donna’s cock, so much it begins to slide down and drip from her balls.

“Mhmm, open up, morsel”, comes Cassandra’s command at last, spoken lowly, so you barely hear it over the slapping of Donna’s balls against your chin and her panting above you.

Eagerly so, you spread your legs wider, and grasp onto your girlfriend’s hips when Cassandra pushes herself inside.

You moan around her cock, the tears running down your cheeks causing both of your partners to moan and gasp. Your pussy aches and clenches around Cassandra, and you shiver as you feel her tremble and twitch in you.

“Fuck..she’s so…tight!”, she groans, and you feel Donna’s balls twitch slightly and her hips jerk against you at the words spoken so breathlessly and hotly.

With the cock thrusting in and out of you fast and Cassandra’s fingers and nails digging into your hips, you barely notice your lover approaching her orgasm until you feel warm, white seed shot in your mouth and down your throat.

Your eyes widen and the younger brunette gasps at the feeling of you tightening around her cock. She groans, her hips aching and burning as she moves.

You gulp down the cum shot down your throat, your eyes closed and lips shut tightly around the wet cock.

When it slips from you, you gasp for breath. You still taste it on your tongue, and feel as if it still sticks to the back of your throat.

You shriek when Donna pushes you backwards, Cassandra’s low and surprised gasp husky in your ear.

You shiver as you feel her sink deeper inside of you, your ass pushed up against her after being pushed in her lap.

Donna cups your jaw, as though loving as her fingers slide over Cassandra’s.

“Mhmm….exquisite…”

You shiver, your mouth at last clasping shut when your jaw is let go of.

You gasp when the fingers at your hips dig in harsher, Cassandra’s lips attached to your neck once again as she forces your body up and down on her. She groans, her body practically thrumming with want, her cock twitching and dripping precum inside.

You feel Donna tugging down your dress at the top and blush lightly at the feel of the fabric being pulled down and your breast being exposed to the warm air of the room.

For a moment, you believe you are granted a break. Then, Cassandra’s hips snap up again, and you’re rocked in her lap with every thrust deep inside of you.

“A-Ah, Cass!”, you shriek at a particularly hard thrust upwards.

Your breasts bounce freely, your nipples captured by skilled fingers. Donna breathes lowly, her cock nearly erect once again at the arousing sight of Cassandra’s cock inside of you. Equally, she watches your wetness drip down to her base and to her balls.

As the rough use of your body continues, you feel yourself nearing your orgasm faster and faster. You’re shaking and shivering, your hands digging into the soft skin at Donna’s hips.

You hiss when cold, precise fingers grope your dangling breasts, squeezing and tugging, pushing them up against one another.

You feel her cock slide up between them, the muscle slick with drool and cum. When you look up, you’re met with a dark, nearly entirely black eye staring down at you hungrily.

Your thighs shake and your eyes struggle to stay open, each thrust into you and between your breasts making you feel more and more riled up.

You understand, this is how riled up they must have been from your constant teasing throughout the day.

Your eyes squeeze shut when Cassandra’s lips push up against your ear, her voice almost soft and hushed in your ear.

“Do you want to cum, morsel?”, she teases, a sly smirk displayed on her lips.

You nod fast, your mouth dry and your pussy sore as it grips her and coats her in more and more cream and wetness.

Judging by the laughter coming from both women, you can tell this won’t do at all.

You attempt to catch your breath, your moans turning to little whimpers as you struggle out: “Ple-ease le-t me cu-cum, Mis-tress”, you beg, your head thrown back against her shoulder.

More breathless laughter and coos come from them.

You feel Cassandra’s nails in you, her hips bucking up at an almost punishing pace. Your orgasm is near, and you know, theirs is too.

Breathless moans and little “Ah!”’s slip from you, your hands moving to cling to Donna’s thighs instead.

You feel the soft, olive skin beneath your fingertips and almost become more aware of the harder, pale skin underneath you.

When your nipples are tugged and teased, you feel yourself nearly topple over the edge.

“Please! Ple-eaAAh! Please!”, you beg, your dry throat burning with the strain to bring out your words.

You’re met with moans and hums, kisses and groping hands. When they both kiss their way to your lips, you feel a breathy permission whispered against them.

You don’t need to be told twice at all, your body spasming and your pussy tightening around Cassandra. You feel her deep within you and as you scream your release, you feel Donna’s thick cum slap against your chest.

You smile as you pant, your chest heaving and thighs shaking when Cassandra pulls out enough to cover your ass cheeks as she too reaches her high.

#cassandra dimitrescu #donna beneviento #🐉 anon #daniela dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #i’m so tired rip

[jasntodds]

Too Heavy | J.T.

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Request: @just-lost-inbetween-worlds​ : Can I get Jason Todd (doesn’t matter which version) with the prompts: bloodied knuckles, wiping the others tears away, as well as crying into their chest. Maybe bloodied knuckles bcs of punching something in a mental breakdown and then the rest happens.  Bad Things Happen Bingo Prompts

Summary: Sometimes things get a little too heavy for Jason

Warnings: Angst, blood, mentions of death, mental breakdown, hurt/comfort

Words: 2,802

A/n: I was listening to a lot of Too Heavy by The Plot In You while I wrote this so here we are lol If you wanna be added to my tag list, click the link below, send me an ask, or comment!! You can also follow my library blog @peteprkerlibrary​ !! If you like this, please reblog it and/or talk to me about it!!

masterlist | request info | tag list

Everyone has bad days. They come and they go. It gets better. It always gets better. But for Jason, his bad days are sometimes so rough and harsh, the world collapses from under him. He falls through the cracks into a black abyss, surrounded by every failure he’s ever had. He falls and falls and falls until he finally hits the bottom and the wind is sucked from his lungs in a hard smack. Leaving him alone in the pitch black coldness. Today is one of those days.

He’s just gotten back from patrol and he was quiet not to wake you. He walks steadily to the bathroom but his thoughts are circling the drain. Every step he takes is like twenty pounds added to his ankles and another thought joins the damned ride. Jason’s chest grows heavy as he finally reaches the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.

The worst nights of patrol involve kids and tonight did. It’s always the most innocent of people that get to him. Most nights, he can handle it because it’s part of the job. It’s one of the reasons he puts the helmet on every night. But tonight is different. Tonight is different because it didn’t have the hopeful ending it should have and it’s not fucking fair.

Jason’s hands grip the bathroom counter so hard he thinks he might shatter it in his palms. He almost hopes he does. He looks at himself in the mirror, his back slightly hunched over and he looks hollow. A discarded shell of who he should have been. And he can’t stand it. His head spins while his eyes slam shut and his grip tightens harder against the cool stone.

His chest starts to heave as his breathing quickens. His chest grows heavy and he wants to start ripping out every single one of his organs in hopes it’ll lift some of the weight. The heaviness is suffocating and if he didn’t know any better, he’d think this would be his end.

But he knows better.

And this is the never-ending hell he’s trapped in while the inability to save the kids tonight triggers memories to flood back like overflowing rivers in a flash flood.

There’s the echo of metal on concrete seeping into his blood stream and that menacing laugh that never should be called a laugh beats against his eardrum. The feeling of the panic he felt that day wraps him in a cruel and painful hug as if to be living off of his inability to breathe properly. Images of the Joker and the look on his mom’s face flash across his eyes and he can’t take the heaviness of it all anymore.

The grief he suffers with is nearly paralyzing and it is agonizing. They say grief gets better but when is it that supposed to happen? Because it’s been years and he can’t breathe and he wants to rip his lungs out of his chest just to feel anything other than this. He was just a kid.

Jason was a just a kid.

Tears burn his eyes, one slipping by and sliding down his cheek and he grits his teeth so hard they nearly shatter under the pressure. All he wants is for it all to stop for even a second. He wants one damn second of relief.

He looks up at his own reflection once more and he can see some bruising from last week and he hates it. The white streak in his hair almost seems whiter in the light of the bathroom and he hates it. He hates it. He hates it and he can’t do it. He punches the mirror in a quick motion, just once and it shatters into the sink and over the counter.

“Fuck.” Jason groans because he knows it was loud and he can’t stop the tears now. They’re drenching his face and his breathing is racing, quivering.

Blood spills into the sink as Jason hovers his shaking hand over it. Not a single part of him even cares or pays the stinging any mind. All he can do is try his best to breathe and shake his thoughts away but nothing works. They’re still there. Flashing across his eyes like lightning in the middle of a raging storm.

His legs start to feel weak as if he’s just gotten done running for miles on end. It’s getting harder to stand the more he tries to fight his own breath and thoughts. His head spins and he his stomach turns and twists into gnawing nausea. And he can’t even be bothered to stand anymore because that is just getting too damn hard too. His own body is growing too heavy with every passing thought and he swears that’s some sort of cruel joke.

Jason sits on the floor against the counter, hanging his head and pulling his knees up to his chest. Tears fall down his cheeks and he tries to fight them off with every thought he has but nothing works. They fall anyway, staining his cheeks in a wet mess.

“Jason?” You call from outside the door. 

The shattering of glass woke you up and for a few seconds, you thought someone had actually broken in. And you were nearly frozen, stuck thinking if you had a weapon of any sort in the bedroom you could use. But then those seconds faded and you didn’t hear footsteps or shuffling through the apartment. You didn’t hear anything and when you checked the time to see it was after three, you knew.

“Jay?” You call again, knocking on the door gently when he doesn’t answer.

Your groggy voice breaks his heart. He never meant to wake you up.

Jason slides his hands over his face and clears his throat. “Go back to bed, sweetheart.” Jason tries to stabilize his voice but you can hear the weakness and quiver. He’s mastered the art of hiding pain but not disguising the pain of crying.

Taking the knob in your hand, you twist it slowly, gently pushing the door open. You spot Jason still in his Red Hood gear, minus the helmet, sitting on the floor with drops of blood on the floor. He keeps his head hung and his forearms on his knees. You spot blood on his knuckle with open wounds before you see the broken mirror and your heart just breaks for him.

You step in slowly and cautiously as if moving too quickly will make him dissolve right into the floor. “Hey,” You crouch down beside him, tilting your head to try and get a look at his face that’s covered by his messy hair. “What happened, Jay?”

“I’m fine.” Jason forces the words from the back of his throat and he hates how weak they sound. 

You don’t like the answer because anyone who’s fine doesn’t break a mirror. Anyone who’s fine doesn’t sit on the bathroom floor at three in the morning with bloody knuckles crying. He’s not fine but Jason has never been very good at admitting to anyone when he’s not. He’d rather drown than ask for a life preserver.

You move in front of him, sitting on your knees. You reach out cautiously, putting your hands on his wet cheeks. Jason’s eyes shut down hard with your touch and you’re so gentle with him. Why? What’s he done to deserve it?

You pick his head up softly and Jason lets you. His eyes are bloodshot as he looks at you. His pretty blue eyes are now a haunting shade of navy, like the sky over the ocean in the middle of hurricane. Why does the world treat him with such cruelty?

“Please, go back to bed.” He nearly begs you because you shouldn’t have to deal with all of his trauma.

It’s not fair for you to lose sleep over him. He swears you shouldn’t and you don’t deserve it. All he wants is to be alone with his grief. If anyone has to suffer what he went through, it has to be him. It can’t involve you. Not you.

But you’re stubborn and that thing in your chest beats endlessly for him.

You can see his chest moving harshly with every breath and he might be Red Hood but he was Jason Todd first. A kid trying to survive the best he could. A kid who just wanted to learn and be a kid. Smart mouth and relentless as hell. But a kid no one looked out for. Red Hood looks out for so many people, but who’s supposed to look out for Jason Todd?

“Please, I’m fine.” Jason voice finally cracks as a tear escapes his bottom lid. “Just go to bed. I’ll be there a minute.”

You move your hands from his cheeks and he thinks, for a second that for once, you might actually listen to him. And he’d be lying if that didn’t hurt, too. But, it’s you and you were never very good at following his instructions even on good days so you move closer to him and stretch out your arms.

“Come here, Jay.” Your voice is soft, etched in worry and love.

He’s reluctant at first because he knows if he does, he’ll lose it entirely. Every piece of him that’s been able to hold in a sob will finally crack and that’ll be it. But he sees the worry in every tired line of your face and you always look so inviting.

“I’m worried about you. Please.” You plead with him, your voice cracking with a mix of tiredness and sadness. And Jason can’t hold it in anymore because you’re worried about him.

Jason moves his legs and moves closer to you, resting his head against your chest because at his point, it’s all too heavy for him to even try for a proper hug. And folding into you seems a hell of a lot easier for everyone. You wrap one arm around his side and rest your other hand in his hair. And just like he breaks.

A sob rips through his throat, echoing through the bathroom and you have to swallow the lump that forms in your throat. He shakes against you, sliding his hands to your back and holding onto your shirt. His grip is tight as if he’s stuck between thinking you’ll disappear if he lets go or that he’ll disappear if he does. Your hand runs through his hair and you try to console him, knowing there isn’t much that can help at this point. But you try by playing with his hair and whispering softly to him despite your own heart aching and breaking for him.

Tears brim your own eyes as you hold him against you. If you could, you would claw out your own heart and replace his with yours. Maybe that would help some of his agony. Maybe that would make his pain a little more tolerable. Maybe if you could swap out your hearts, you could take some of his pain away. You’d do it if it meant he wouldn’t suffer so much.

Minutes tick by and his breathing is still harsh against you but the sobs have slowed. His grip is still iron-tight on your shirt and all Jason wants is for the world to stop spinning. He wants the aching in his chest to stop and he wants everything around him to stop feeling so damn heavy.

You pick his head up, cupping his cheeks in both hands again. His cheeks are tear stained and you swear you’ve never seen him look so broken before. Your thumb awipe over his cheeks, brushing the tears away gently.

Jason nearly shudders with the action.

“It’s okay, Jay.” You assure him and your voice is strained as if begging him to believe you.

“It’s fucking not.” He sputters, his brows pulling together and you can see him clench his jaw. “It’s all shit and those kids deserved fucking better.” His breath is hot, boiling on your skin as he seethes. And you know what lead him here tonight.

He told you. Right to your face he told you he died. He left out the gory details of it all for your own sake but you know he was just a kid. And you know why he was there and about the Joker. He was just a kid.

“Kids?” You questions and you know Jason always has a bad night when it involves kids.

“Forget it.” He lets out a scoff because he doesn’t want to talk about it. You don’t need to know the details.

“Hey, no.” You shake your head, eyes scanning over his face as your brows pull together. “I’ll listen all night, okay? I won’t ask anything if you don’t want me to, okay? You can talk or not. But, you’re gonna be okay.” Your eyes lock with his and he wants to believe you.

But he also knows he’ll back here again. He always comes back here. Haunted. The ghost of who he was then and the ghost of who he should have been follow him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to shake them as much as he wants to.

He places his hands over yours and you can’t help but notice how big his hands are whenever he does this. “Just so damn sick of it.” His voice is rough and exhausted.

“I know.” You nod with understanding.

You’ll never be able to understand how he feels or what he goes through but you try. And you see it across his face. You see it in the way he turns in his sleep, when he actually gets sleep. You see it in the way he’s always observing everything around him, always on guard. And you can see it in the way he is with his weapons, there’s always at least two weapons on him at any given moment. As much as you want to understand exactly what goes on inside of his head, you won’t but you can see it. So, you try your best to help and just be there in capacity he’ll let you.

“Why don’t we get you in the shower? I’ll wash your hair, clean up your hand, and we can get into bed? I’ll rub your back and you can tell me what happened if you want. Or I can read to you until you fall asleep.”

He’s almost always reluctant when it’s been bad. He never thinks he deserves the kindness and care you offer to him. On good days, he can accept it. It’s something he struggles with still because no one ever been so kind and careful with him before. So, it’s hard but on good days, he finds it easier to accept. But on bad days, like these, he’s reluctant because if he can’t see the good himself, why should anyone else? But he looks at your eyes that glossy with worry and you give him this look that makes him feel like he’s been put under a microscope. And you would do anything for him.

“Thanks.” He mutters, taking your hands away from his face. “I got it.”

“I know.” You nod your head. “I want to.” You smile gently at him, tilting your head slightly to the right. “You’re not alone, ya know?” You assure him because you think it must be lonely dealing with everything he goes through. “I got you.” 

He knows. As hard as it is for him to accept the care and kindness you offer him, he knows because he notices everything. He notices how he always wakes up with a blanket on him when he falls asleep on the couch and the way you always have his favorite protein bars on hand even though you don’t like them. You’re the one missing sleep when you have work in the morning to sit on the bathroom floor with him. It’s hard to accept sometimes and he gets in his own head about it sometimes, but at the end of the night, he has you.

And you’ve always had a way of lifting some of that weight for him, maybe without even trying.

“Okay.” Jason finally agrees, still a hint of reluctance in his voice.

You get to your feet and offer him your hand.

He almost chuckles because you can’t actually help him from the floor. But he takes your hand in his anyway, getting to his feet. You look up to him with gentle eyes before closing the distance between the two of you and wrapping your arms around him as tight as you can.

It takes a few seconds before you feel Jason relax under your hug and his arms come around your waist. His chin lays on the top of your head and he feels like he can breathe a little better now. 

When things get a little too heavy, at least he has you to help lift some of the weight.

Tag list: @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @dgraysonss // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @vivian-555 // @kebonita // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover // @captainmarvels-blog​

#jason todd x reader #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #red hood x reader #red hood fanfiction #dc fanfiction #dc fanfic #dcu fanfiction #dcu fanfic #jason todd one shot #badthingshappenbingo

[lorimnnn]

Hi! I really liked your Ghostface crybaby! Post! I was wandering if your requests are open if you’d write a Ghostface with a unrequited survivor/reader/yn where Ghostface has the hots but the survivor/yn just ain’t feeling it. If requests aren’t open plz ignore! But seriously love your work! Totally made my day!

ahhhh i usually hate angsty things like this so I actually considering not doing it.... but the potential was too good to resist. ty for your kind words, i seriously love writing up requests <3

p.s. i accidentally deleted it and got so unmotivated :((((( here it is though

the second he sees you he's convinced the entity has sent him a gift. you're literally his type head to toe and while he's insanely attracted to you, he's twice as excited to kill you

you become his obsession.

over. and over again.

your teammates realise that he will always go after you first if he can and they abuse this fact to an inch of it's life. you understand, of course.

you hate pain. the innocent type, the sweet type. compassionate to a fault even if it's plunged you into pain again and again.

Ghostface wants to break you

there is a perverse thrill in seeing you helpless in the dirt, sobbing, begging him to stop. he has to have mori-d you one thousand times across all the trials you've had together, now. but it never hurts any less and you never get used to it.

you don't seem to understand that this is a game, either. it's like real life.

"God, you're hot." His breath shutters in his throat as he takes you in, bloody and shivering on the ground. The Entity had been feeling generous recently and because of his good behaviour, had put you in a skimpy little dress.

You whimper when he nears.

"No, no no," you say, trying to back away from him. "Please."

"You know it turns me on when you beg, babe."

You sob harder when he crouches, weaving one hand into the back of your hair to haul you upright and against him. As always, he's deceivingly gentle. If not for his wondering hands you'd think he felt bad for you--- but that was never the case.

"Please stop," you say again.

"Now why would I do that?" He combs his gloved hand through your hair. The metallic scent of your blood has him dizzy and plunged into a haze that is purely you. You, you, you. Sometimes he swears he could care less about hurting you. He just wants to see you. Your face, contorting with pain, with a smile, with---

So maybe he liked you a little.

"I know I'm your favourite," he says confidently, and then rearranges you to sit in his lap. You sniffle. He groans.

You're so cute.

And you can't help it, even if you're afraid of him--- by nature you've always been obedient and timid and good. So good. It had costed you everything by the end.

It makes him feel so powerful.

Makes you feel so small.

"I'll give you the hatch if you play nice today," he lies. He rubs your thigh and nuzzles your hair, the plastic probing into your bruised flesh. "Hm? What about it?"

You hate him.

You hate him so much.

And before you know it, it's falling out of your mouth, bitter and harsh and sapping almost all of your remaining energy.

"I hate you. Fuck you."

It's so unexpected that he flinches.

He knows you're not best friends or anything, but he never prepared himself to hear it. and it was different

it actually hurt

and you said in the same way the he claimed to like you--- eternally, unchanging, unaltered

was it the continuous mori-ing?

you had to understand that everything in-trial was purely business, even if he did get a good kick out of it. after a while he'd gotten used to how naive you were and assumed he could twist it to fit his ways

he underestimated you

and he hates himself for feeling like he doesn't know you when you say this, because he's obsessed in every sense of the word. he watches you at the campfire, doting on your teammates. so kind. bright, smiley. then you would cry yourself to sleep and he would only feel the littlest bit bad, but not enough to count

but he should have guessed it

he shouldn't feel hurt by it, either--- you're his victim first and foremost. his beautiful, kind, compassionate victim who he wanted to lock away and protect as much as he wanted to hurt.

he'd never seen you so set in your ways before. so strong. it was a complete contrast to your usual soft-spoken shyness.

He blinked, incredulous. "Aw, sweetheart. I'm sure it isn't personal."

"I hope you die in a ditch."

"You killing me would be hot."

You don't laugh.

Now he's starting to panic a little, because usually he can ignore it. You never laugh. But he can't deny it now.

You hate him.

More than anything in this plane of existence. And that's a problem. Because after this trial, it quickly occurs to him that he doesn't only like you, but likes you a lot. More than he should be allowed. Against his own will he finds his work ethic challenged and his sadistic pleasure dwindling into his guilt, his sole motivation to stay sane in this shitty reality. Now he doesn't know what to make of it.

What was he supposed to do?

He tries everything after that. He genuinely starts trying to give you the hatch and now you're slamming pallets over his head with twice as much of force.

He starts getting artsy with his pictures of you. You're actually alive in these ones. You throw every single one into the fire.

Fuck. He even consults Bubba for help and picks out a bunch of flowers to give to you alongside a heartfelt apology, but you laugh in his face.

it hurts

it hurts even more when you leave and cuddle up to some of the survivors--- the people who left you behind time and time again. the fact that you'd rather them over him spoke volumes and he would find himself incurably jealous.

he couldn't even hurt them to get over it because it would only make you hate him more

for the first time in his life, Jed Olsen regretted killing. It had led him to you and also driven the two of you apart with twice as much force

he hates it

he hates what you've done to him and he hates that he's starting to love you and he hates, most of all---

the fact you will never love him back

#ghostface #ghostface x y/n #ghostface x reader #jed olsen x reader #danny johnson #danny johnson x reader #jed olsen #dbd ghostface x reader #dbd #dbd imagines

[horanghoe]

until it hurts a little less

MAIN MASTERLIST /// TXT MASTERLIST /// IMAGE MASTERPOST

[UIHALL - PART 2.I HERE] /// [UIHALL - PART 2.II CONTINUED]

members/group: Beomgyu / TXT --- (mentions of Jon / NCT)

pairing: Hybrid!Beomgyu x Reader (Fem perspective)

genre: angst, fluff, heavy smut, hybrid!txt, minors dni !!

word count: 15.9k

T/W’s : heavy smut with frequent mention of hybrid features; this is purely fiction and not intended to harm. If you don’t like hybrid!au’s, please scroll on, peace and love!! (Pls dm me if you would like a trigger warning added ♡ )

shoutout to my fellow furry loving idiot ~ @raibebe

& A HUGE THANK YOU to all my beta readers ~ @kthpurplesyou / @rairecommends again / @gyukult / @flowerboykun

special cameo shoutout to miss angel ~ @moonctzeny

IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTE - This fic has received a mass update since its original publishing date. I hope the edit serves as a greater service to returning readers; and doesn't take away from the original experience felt ♡

Music to listen to while reading ♡ (in no particular order)

Settle - (BAYNK, Sinead Harnett)

Never Seen You Get So Low - (Aquilo)

Be Like That - (Kane Brown, Swae Lee & Khalid)

Lo Que Siento - (Cuco)

Deja Vu - (Post Malone, Justin Bieber)

Come Over - (Jorja Smith, Popcaan)

Bleu - (agajon, Leonie Barbot)

A Storm on a Summers Day - (Full Crate, Gaidaa)

Happier Than Ever - Edit - (Billie Eilish)

긴 밤 (The Long Night) - (Seori, GIRIBOY)

Lonely - (Chloe x Halle)

Broken Clocks - (SZA)

Good Days - (SZA)

Frank Ocean as a genre, lmao

Your day had been simply awful.

Awful.

It was like everything that could go wrong in the world, did. And everything that didn’t; sure as hell gave it a try.

The pain started as soon as you woke up.

You were old enough to know when you were due on your period. Even had an app for it - with notifications, etc. But the past month had totally whipped by, and you awoke to ruined pajamas and a deep ache in your lower back. 

Fumbling for your phone, you swiped clumsily at the alarm cutting out the harsh noise before it could offend your ears any further.

Grumbling, you cursed your body for having such a heavy flow out of nowhere, before pulling your corpse-like body out from under the sheets and out into the cold air.

It was just a Friday. One day until the weekend. You could do this.

Willing yourself into positive thinking, you stumbled out of your room and down the hall - straight towards the medicine cupboard to dull the ache in your body and head.

"Jeez! You look like shit. Maybe you should brush your hair before bed, owner."

Almost missing the cat hybrid's words until the pointed end - the prophetical sentence a well-crafted hilt and the end the tip of the sword - you turned around with a sleepy frown and an exasperated sigh, ready to fight without your eyes fully opened.

But he had already disappeared.

Maybe you had imagined it.

Maybe adopting Beomgyu had been one huge, massive dream (or nightmare), and you were due to wake up any minute.

Unfortunately, that was not the case.

The bathroom door in front of you slammed shut, making your body shoot up and back against the hallway wall. Beomgyu's laugh could be heard behind the door; high and lilted, full of mockery.

Clinging to your nightshirt and abdomen you whined softly.

"Beomgyu! That was mean! Get out of there, I need to get ready for work!”

Said idiot snorted from behind the door, thumping his clothes into the washing basket. 

“Sorry, no can do. I’m going out to the cafe today to meet Yeonjun. Wouldn’t want to walk around smelling like you.”

Absolutely at a loss of words, you garbled a noise of frustration and pleading.

“Beomgyu - please - can you at least grab something from the cupboard? I need some … medicine… fuck. Nevermind."

You knew as soon as you had begun to beg, that you had already lost.

The sound of the shower tapped out from behind the very much locked and sealed door, the male humming to himself as you knocked your head against the wood. You curled over at a wave of pain, breathing through it before it subsided.

The night before, there had been... a disagreement. 

You had tried to initiate some ground rules. 

(Albeit, three months in could be considered a little late for a peace treaty, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Spoiler alert: it didn't make a difference).

The first point was that Beomgyu was to remain second on the pecking list.

He was arrogant. And a brat. But you were willing to work through it to not send him back to the adoption centre. He was a grown-ass cat-man and had the right to his own space; even if the local laws meant he had to have a human on his registry to do that. He was welcome to stay, on the terms that he could temper his ego, even just a little bit.

You had placed the handwritten ‘new-rules list’ in front of him.

He had peered over it with sharp eyes and a scoff, before crossing his arms and leaning back into the dining room chair.

"I'm literally older, bigger and smarter than you, Y/N. What exactly is your point? On all of this? I already work part-time to pay my way - this is a null request."

He had leered at you. Disgustingly smart, seemingly only when he needed to be.

"But - I'm - I'm your owner… Your - I adopted you…"

Beomgyu had howled with laughter, shaking his headbefore his eyes dropped and his gaze bore straight into you. 

"And? Just because you brought me here, signed the leasing papers; doesn’t mean I have to listen to your every beck and call. I’m not your little puppy on a leash, Y/N. Or maybe you’d prefer that. Someone to follow your every order. Maybe you should go back for Mingyu, I’m sure he’d die to get bossed around so much."

It was such a shocking change of aura that you were struck dumb. Sharp feline eyes and rigid tall triangle ears pointed straight at you had made you weak at the knees - the push of dominance, a very unfamiliar feeling. At least where the hybrid was involved.

He had always edged around your limitations but had never directly opposed you before.

At a lack of words, you had withdrawn the list. Shoving it into a kitchen drawer and trying your very best to avoid the emotions swimming in your lungs. Unsure whether to evict yourself or your anger via a punch straight into his - annoyingly charming, handsome, clean, frustrating, stupidly beautiful - face.

The rain had been relentless all week, and it had only seemed to add to your misery after defeat had been admitted. 

You sent yourself to sleep with a heavy head full of thoughts and a heart full of frustration. Sleeping through the loud music he played through the TV speakers. Fighting the occasional wakes from flashes of lightning and the thought of work looming over your next day.

Your sleep was troubled, at best.

It seems that last night's confrontation had only made him more irate.

And you knew it was stupid - knew it was mean and entirely selfish - but you couldn't stop the spike of emotions in the apprehension of a very long office shift.

Thoughts of emails, processing paperwork and phone calls and attending meetings; all flooded your mind's eye until you lashed out your frustration at the selfish idiot behind the bathroom door.

You knew he didn’t deserve it, but it sort of just happened before you could stop it.

Your fist solidly thumped against the door, with more strength than Beomgyu had ever expected to hear from you. You had never lashed out. So, in the comfort of the shower, he flinched harshly, bating his breath. 

Were you finally going to send him back? None of his ‘owners’ had ever lasted this long. He considered you more of an equal, but that uncertainty was like murky waters that left him too scared to test fate.

Considering the fact he fought bad types of hierarchy with the fervour of a forest fire; he was insufferable towards your lax rules around the flat.

And he would bite on purpose, just for some attention.

But, weirdly, he liked you. You were his opposite - disgustingly happy and optimistic. Buying him gifts when all he knew was hand-downs. Taking his bad behaviour as it came. That’s why your words dug deep into his psyche, deeper than he wanted. 

"God, you're insufferable! It's my flat! I brought you back here, pay for your shit! And you're the worst hybrid I've ever met! Maybe it would be a good idea to send you back since you keep fucking suggesting it!!"

Beomgyu closed off the shower. Breathing heavily as he quickly dried himself off. He needed to get away from you and fast before he said something he would regret. 

The door snapped open.

You realised your mistake as soon as the male stepped out from behind the door, shoving past your body and down the hall.

The look he had given you was as sharp as any knife. A pure scowl that was full of all the discontentment in the world. Piercing your lungs and squeezing your guts into a flood of guilt.

"I-I'm sorry - I didn't mean that - I just -"

You tried to call out to him; before his bedroom door slammed tightly shut.

As you showered, you considered the feeling sitting heavy inside of your chest. Empty and aching.

You - you didn't even like him, so why the hell did you feel so bad about confrontation when it came to Beomgyu? You had always bitten your tongue at his snide remarks, the poking. But you just couldn’t do it today.

You didn't even have much time to consider it. The second of your third alarms rang out, tapping your phone with a hurriedly dried hand to quickly cut it off before placing your forehead on the cold shower tiles.

It could only go up from here, right?

Your car wouldn't turn on.

Thrusting the key forward; one, two, three times. Before releasing a small cry and shaking the wheel in desperation.

"Why? Why me?! Today, of all days!! I swear, I'm cursed by this stupid black cat! Handsome fucking - cat boy! Stupid - argh!"

To anyone outside of the car... well they may have called the police.

The small vehicle rocked as you yelled into the (somewhat) private space. Each shout was permeated by the aggressive turning of your keys against the very dead ignition - probably doing more harm than good. 

Eventually, you pulled back to slump against the seat, admitting yet another defeat.

Reaching for your phone, you dialed the first number you could think of.

"Kun! Oh my god, thank you for picking up. Please, I need to ask a massive favour -"

In reaction to your rushed voice, Kun, your friend of maybe ten years or so, pulled the breaks on the conversation. He knew something was up, simply by you calling him instead of texting.

Who even does that nowadays?

"Woaahhhh there Y/N, good morning - what's up? Did something happen?"

"Yeah - yeah and no, actually. The issue is that nothing is happening... My car won't start - Beomgyu - and then - I don't - it’s all just going wrong, Kun. Sending a friendly SOS. Very much won’t be making it into work without your help."

The light laughter from across the phone pulled your migraine tighter across your head, but you were at least comforted by his silent support.

"You need me to come and pick you up?"

He asked calmly. Ever the rock in a flowing storm. Speaking of; a gust of wind battered the rain against your windshield enough to make you flinch.

"God - yes, yes please! Then we'll both make the briefing! Wet, but on time… at least."

Kun chuckled, confirming your location before hanging up.

The two of you made it into the briefing, barely on time.

Running through the halls in the mandatory but entirely stupid low heels. Cursing every God, Demon and Spirit on Earth for your luck today.

Upon arriving at the office’s car park, the storm outside only seemed to match your inner emotions. It welled, swirled, and looked entirely miserable but angry at the same time, with sharp changes of winds, and heavy downpour matching the ache at your core. You had totally forgotten to bring extra pain medication - and didn’t have the heart to ask Kun.

You and Kun had dashed out from his large Jeep to skid across the car park.

Obviously, your umbrella broke immediately.

But it hurt less as Kun hurried you in, taking the metal cage from you with bubbly laughter and throwing the metal immediately in the trash behind reception, pushing you through the doors to avoid the hawk-like receptionists.

"Jeez, I mean this as your close friend Y/N, but you might want to go clean up -"

Peering at yourself in the shiny plastic noticeboard, you grimaced.

Nodding at the wisdom of your best friend and immediately dashing to the women's bathroom to dab yourself with tissue. Contorting your damp clothes under the hand dryer, and simply begging for the day to get better.

It was within the first 15 minutes of the official meeting that you realised you had forgotten breakfast.

Some people could go without. You were not one of those people on a good day, and with today going the way it was - ah. The first rumble. 

Like a beast had just made its way into the quiet room and stomped on the table, demanding 'hear me! I am hunger!'.

You slinked down into your chair, positively embarrassed.

Across from you, a particular Johnny Suh smirked in knowing. He reached forward to tap at his half-closed laptop before a ping made itself known on your own laptop messaging system.

He nodded towards it, before turning his gaze in faux concentration to the projected screen upfront.

Groaning internally at the office hotshot noticing you for all the wrong reasons; you pulled your PC onto your lap, slapping the mute button and - pulling your open coffee cup onto the ground with your momentum.

The one Kun had shoved into your hands outside of the meeting room.

The one he had instructed you to keep a lid on, like your parent.

The men around you whipped their heads on a swivel to see the source of the noise.

The feeling of absolute dread and humiliation washed over you like a cold sweat. What you wouldn’t do to have the earth swallow you whole; bending down to pick up the half-empty cup and release a pent breath.

The guest speaker at the front cleared his throat. Continuing the meeting with enough decorum to exchange a nod with you.

Well, at least the coffee hadn’t - oh. Nevermind.

The hot liquid hitting your sleeve made you jolt, the last of the liquid spilling from the cup and into your upper forearm. You withheld a squeal - only for your face to flush and the cup to hit the floor all over again.

As soon as you hit the third hour of your workday - 11 pm sharp - your phone buzzed from within your bag. A flurry of messages hit your device enough to distract you from the current email draft.

Idiot Feline (Beomgyu) -  4 new messages

Sighing, you pulled the phone fully onto your desk to open it.

- I’m going out to the cafe to see yeonjun

- me and the band will be fucking around for a few hours after. not really sure for how long

- you left your house keys in the kitchen

- text me and I might be able to drop the keys off. or come find me. bye

You’re not sure why, or how, but the dull-sharp tone of Beomgyu’s messages really hit harder than usual today. Maybe it was your hormones, but it hurt to read such an empty message. 

The guilt in your stomach twisted into a ghostly kind of pain.

Why should he even say hi? Why should he care how your day was going? After saying what you did to him this morning, his lack of compassion towards your reply was mostly expected.

- ah - thanks for letting me know… I finish at five today - don’t suppose you could get me from work? It would be really appreciated…car broke, had to get someone to drop me in…

His response was immediate. The blue dots flashed up and fizzled out in an angry wave.

- shame. nope, sorry. like I said - we’re practising later. would probably miss your calls/the time anyways. break a window or something, since you’re so big and clever. 

You sighed, choosing not to text back.

Leaning forward to flop onto your desk. Closing your eyes - if only for a moment.

Taking a few deep breaths, the bags under your eyes began to feel heavier. The ache in your back just beginning to settle.

But the peace was momentary.

You were at work. There were phone calls to take. Work to be done, and deadlines to be met. Within this soulless shell of an office hall, you could at least ignore the storm outside for a little while.

Basking instead, in the aggressively white installation lights.

Your phone was dead.

Of course, it was. Why wouldn’t it be? 

Crying out loud in the staffroom, you willed the swelling of tears back down your throat like a python wrestling to escape your grip. 

The door opened, and a familiar - and not so unwanted person - stepped inside.

Local water-tank fuck-boy, Sir Johnny Suh. 

“Oh - hey Jon. What is it with you and catching me at bad moments today, huh?”

Quickly swiping at your cheeks in case of any escapee tears - you laughed through a sniffle.

Jon sat down opposite you. The large white table reflected his handsome face, but his smile was a lot kinder than usual. He dragged the chair under his legs before laughing and placing a lunchbox on the table.

Huh. That was very - domesticated, for him. You didn’t mean to judge, but he always struck you as more of a pot-noodle kind of guy. Not that there’s anything wrong with pot noodles.

“Hey, Y/N. Not sure, I just have this way with people, sometimes, I guess.”

His smile breached his eyes as he nodded towards your one folded sleeve. Pulling out a fork to prod at - okay, this was getting a little odd. A salad? In a cutesy little pre-made box? That was totally left field from what you were expecting.

“You okay? Didn’t burn your arm or anything?” 

His voice brought you back into the room. You shook your head sheepishly, brandishing your arm until he nodded. He was a little - awkward when caught alone, it seemed.

“No, just clumsy today for some reason. One of those days.”

Jon released a sound of understanding.

“Ah - gotcha. Bit of a shit show?”

You pulled back, feeling weirdly comfortable around the guy you had avoided for quite some time. Laughing weakly you nodded, placing your phone down on top of your laptop to massage your temples.

“Yeah - yeah you could say that. Car broke down, my phone just died, and I’ve been typing up an endless report.”

The two of you were oddly compatible, it seemed.

At least, he made you laugh for the first time since 8 am this morning. And that was pure gold. You told him about your morning, while he revealed some details about his life. He came here from America and had a cool family. No partner, but had a cat hybrid called Angel. Cute name.

Eventually, Johnny nodded towards your phone.

“Hey - that’s an old model, right?”

You pulled your spine up straight with a nod, about to explain why you hadn’t been able to buy a new one after adopting Beomgyu before he nodded.

“If you want - you totally don’t have to - I have a charger in my car that’s compatible with that port? I don’t mind taking you as far as the hybrid clinic if you want?”

You almost choked on your coffee (again), wiping your mouth to nod enthusiastically.

“Oh my God - you’re actually kidding me? Yes, please, that would be amazing - but wait, isn’t that the opposite way to where you live? I can ask Kun -”

Jon laughed kindly, shaking his head with a shrug.

“No, it’s totally chill, it’s fine. I need to get Angel from the clinic anyways. That’s on the way to yours, with a slight detour. She’s working part-time there, so, yeah. No worries.”

At his slight wink, you grimaced. You hadn’t been flirted with in years, and it was telling.

He laughed at your expression before you blurted an explanation to avoid offence. But he brushed it off, enamoured by your honesty.

It was different - and he liked different.

You managed to survive the rest of the day relatively well.

At least you had thought - you sat snug in the back of Johnny’s lush car, charger stretching from the centre of the vehicle console to your phone. 

Leaving it to charge while you chatted with Jon on the twenty-minute journey, until a message dinged on your phone.

Kun - 1 new message

- Idiot !! You left your computer on !!!! And your emails are wide open !!!! Hope you didn’t have anything important on there, with the 12 pm forced shutdown and everything. I at least locked it for you. Lots of love, shit for brains. Call me ~

The laughing emoji at the end of the sentence oddly, hauntingly, took your mind back to Beomgyu so early that morning. Or maybe it was the initial ‘idiot’. The feline had claimed that word in your mind, annoyingly. Every time you read it you heard his stupid voice.

Being around Jon - had been the only time in the day where things had actually worked out.

But it seemed like his luck was wearing off. 

Groaning, you thumped your head back against the headrest, sliding down the seat. The leather immediately seemed more uncomfortable than before.

Jon laughed softly before peering at you in the inside mirror.

“What? What’s happening now?”

Something about him asking. Something about him taking the time to care. It struck up that deep aching feeling in your gut once more, pushing you to take a few seconds with your eyes closed before releasing a held breath.

“My report - It’s gone. I don’t - I didn’t save it, literally any of it because I was in such a rush to go - I don’t… I’m gonna be in so much shit…” 

You forced yourself to clip your voice before you started to sob in the back of the hot man’s car. Dipping your head and masking your face by massaging your skull.

“Y/N - I’m so sorry. That’s so shit. I’ll put in a word for you - honestly, it happens to the best of us. I’m sure they’ll understand!”

Johnny’s attempts at comforting you were… futile. 

He didn’t know you.

He didn't know the importance of your document. Nor the time sensitivity. But you were too tired to argue, and too emotionally strung to fully explain. You knew you were homebound to an arrogant boy and journeying through the downpour was nothing but fodder for longing. Longing for it all to stop, so you could simply catch a breath.

Just one day. A few more hours. The weekend was within eyesight.

Defeated once more, you simply nodded.

The next ten or so minutes passed slowly. For the first time in days, the rain was a light drizzle. And the sun was trying its damndest to make an appearance.

The inside of Jon's car smelt like - well, him. A foreign cologne mixed with new-car leather. It was sort of nice. But also very unfamiliar. 

You were left feeling alone; in a car, you never belonged in.

Making it to the clinic, Johnny’s companion jogged out to meet your vehicle at the curb.

You were driven down the next motorway before Jon pulled off to let you out. He felt a little mean and apologised profusely, but you shushed him immediately.

Honestly - you were kind of happy to get out of the car.

Jon’s hybrid was lovely. Truly; an Angel. 

A cat hybrid whose tawny brown fur matched her pulled-back, soft-looking hair. She was pretty, very tall, and had a delicate, twinkling accent. And you got to see a different side to Jon too, if only for a moment. 

But that wasn’t what you had noticed, or been shocked by the most, within your brief exchange. You were shocked by her mannerisms.

You understood that every hybrid worked a little differently - but the characteristics were usually the same across the board. The innate, animalistic instincts, that is. But you hadn’t seen a lot of these behaviours before. Something was… off.

As soon as Angel had entered the car, she emitted a strong purr at Johnny’s side hug. Pulling away to quickly scan you before deciding you were trustworthy; smiles and greetings were exchanged.

Beomgyu… had never purred around you.

Come to think of it - Beomgyu had never even shown you his tail.

Angel seemed to groom hers out of habit, the limb resting on her lap as she smoothed and unknotted the fur. 

And her ears - Beomgyu always tried to hide his in his messy emo-looking mullet. Or at least, that’s what you came to presume; ogling at the way Angel’s seemed to flick and move about so freely.

Exiting the car, you took the break in the downpour to start quickly walking home. Pushing through the ache in your thighs to cut the distance by as much dryness as possible.

It wasn’t until you tugged your bag tightly over your shoulder that you realised you had forgotten your phone on Johnny’s centre console, charger still inserted.

What the fuck was going on with you today?

You couldn’t walk straight, couldn’t keep your emotions in check, couldn’t breathe as you fought the tears blurring your eyes. A slurry of grief slamming into you like a falling brick wall.

Just another straw on your back.

A stray droplet of moisture hit your nose. Your forehead. Your cheek.

What started as a light drizzle, soon picked up into relentless rain. It took less than a minute, and your skin was already wet to the touch.

You tugged your puffy black hood even tighter around your head. Lungs burning at the effort to not sob pathetically into the middle of the street. Your feet hurt. You were sopping wet. And you had a twenty-minute walk ahead of you, into the outskirts of town.

A soft gust of wind forced you to look away, tucking your chin into the coat even further. When something struck you. The inner lining of the coat smelt familiar - yet, different from your own perfume.

This - wasn’t even your coat?

What? How was that even possible? Did you pick the wrong one up from work?

Confused, you swiped your wet face with your wet sleeve, tugging at the collar until you revealed the inner tag on the side of the hood.

‘Beomgyu’ It read, in neat black sharpie.

Confused. Alone. Shivering, and enveloped by the aura of someone who hated you. 

You sort of forgot how to exist for a step or two.

You stopped, and turned to look up and down the empty country road as you considered the bus stop shelter in front of you. It was somewhere past 6 pm, and the autumn sun was on its fast descent into the darkness.

But you needed to stop. Just - just for a moment, a short while. You couldn’t take it anymore. Tired, and lonely. Surrounded by bustling trees and large splatters of liquid splooshing against rivers in the street. 

Following the stream up the slight hill by the side of the road, you approached the last dimly lit bus stop before your house. The lighthouse in your washed-up storm. Meekly entering to see nobody present. You crumbled onto the seat inside of the shelter. You were torn between ripping your coat off, taking your shoes off or simply not moving.

Choosing the latter, you took a moment to release some of the tears in debt from the night before. So troubled by something you wanted to forget. Such a stupid, stupid thing to be upset over.

You considered every step of your day. Everything you could have avoided, changed. It was your fault, your mind yelled. You chose bad luck by adopting a black cat, right? No - you argued mentally - you were the issue. Not the person in your home, nor the superstitions.

Everything bad was down to your decisions, and it would be you who had to pick up the pieces. Alone.

Pulling your body and thrown off items up from the refuge, you followed the street lights of the familiar home-bound path. Numb to the lashing of wind, the coldness of the night seeped into your soul and the jittering of your teeth was violently dimmed by the sound of mother nature's passionate winds.

The house was in sight.

With bare feet - coat and shoes in hand - you continued your slow and defeated pace towards the building.

You almost dreaded entering - the lights inside all switched on alerting you to Beomgyu’s presence - even considered turning away.

But without a phone - your money all on contactless - no keys, and in this state.

Where else could you go?

Stepping into the house entryway, you took a moment to wipe your face.

You weren’t even sure if you were crying anymore. It could have been the rain.

You were dissociative as you knocked weakly at the door. Expecting no answer. You wouldn’t blame him for leaving you outside. It was your fault your day had ended up like this, anyways.

Beomgyu had been trying to reach you for hours.

You never ignored his texts - and for a while, the calls didn’t go through to dial.

But after a good twenty attempts, the call finally went through.

An unfamiliar voice answered. A male colleague. Johnny. 

Beomgyu couldn’t help but prickle - this being the last person you had supposedly been in contact with. And as much as he had no right to want you back after being nothing but a nuisance - god, he couldn’t think about you with another man.

After the first hour, he ran circles. Entirely triggered by the ordeal. It took him to his deepest darkest fears trapped inside, but he couldn’t lie to himself. He couldn’t let himself not care. Maybe he had pushed you too far? Had you abandoned him? Did you hate him enough to leave, and never come back? Had he truly hurt you?

He was an idiot. A mean, selfish, stubborn feline. But God, he was still part human. And it pained him to think of you stranded and potentially swept away by the storm raging outside. He would take a screaming match over this situation, any day.

He couldn’t leave the house - since you didn’t have a key. And he had no neighbours to leave the key to. The other half of the flat is vacant, and Beomgyu is untrusting of strangers. He called his older friend, heart racing as he considered calling the police. You were so - small, and kind - what if someone had taken you?

“Hey, hey, hey, cool off kiddo. I’m sure she’s fine. Maybe she found a lift or something? It’s not too late, don’t panic just yet. She could be walking home.”

Yeonjun had offered over the phone call, shocked by the panic in his friend's voice. It was rare for him to worry about someone so much. The last time he saw Beomgyu so distraught was the last time he was taken back to the adoption centre.

Three years ago, after his owner’s boyfriend fought him over nothing but faux dominance within the home. He was left scared and scarred. Doubting of strangers and prickly to kindness. With that morning being the only time you had ever shouted at him - he was scared of the worst-case scenario. 

“You guys had an argument this morning, right? Maybe she went to a friend’s place to cool off. Y’know, like you came round mine today? Give it an hour Gyu. If she doesn’t turn up before eight, we’ll get the boys to help find her. She’s probably fine, I promise.”

The elder fox hybrid did his best to calm him before he had to go. Leaving Beomgyu to sit anxiously in the silent apartment. Fiddling with his hands, pacing. He just wanted you home.

Around 7 pm was when a weak knock hit the thick wooden front door.

Beomgyu practically leapt from his place on the sofa, padding out to the hallway. Skidding around the corner to reach for the handle and lock, to pull simultaneously. 

Not even taking a moment to compose himself, he pulled the heavy door open to see you standing there.

Your makeup had streaked down your face. Hair matted. Body sopping wet.

He could hear your erratic heartbeat pressing through your thin fabric, despite the whipping winds whistling against the buildings.

He could smell the hormones of sadness and fear rolling off of you in waves; like a tsunami flooding the hall.

You were barefoot - and somewhere between your bottom lip wobbling and your shivering body holding his coat, he couldn’t help the anger that washed over him.

For what felt like a millennium, the two of you stood like two rangers, awaiting the other to draw their weapons first. In reality, the time elapsed was less than a few seconds.

Ultimately, Beomgyu was the first to shoot. And he aimed well.

”You - fucking idiot Y/N - would it kill you to be more careful?! Jesus, get inside -”

His large hand gripped at your elbow, pulling you in and past his body in the thin space available.

“Where were you?! It doesn’t take that fucking long to walk from the highway - you’ve been gone for hours!”

"Y-Your c-coat-t -" You began to apologise, teeth jittering from the cold.

The door slammed shut behind you, Beomgyu snatching his coat from your grip, taking your shoes, and throwing them at the doorway behind his legs.

Anger is a secondary emotion to sadness, and fear.

He had felt both today, and he was struggling to temper himself. 

You tried your best not to cry. Humiliated, and at a loss. Backed up against the cold exposed brick wall.

“Why the fuck did you take my coat?! It’s not even waterproof Y/N - seriously, are you trying to get ill? Is that what you want? To get sick? To get hospitalised because you’re so fucking forgetful? Because you take joy in other people worrying about you?!”

You stifled a whimper, tucking your head down as you shrugged. Gripping at your icy skin.

Beomgyu’s ears flicked up out of his long hair, aching to hear the sounds coming from you. He was stunned for a moment. They aimed at your dipped head and the way you swiped aggressively at your weathered skin. The moving water on your cheeks - they were tears. 

The emotion in his voice ripped through you, water pooling at your feet as you trembled. You were so overwhelmed - couldn’t speak, couldn’t even look at him. Closing your eyes you flinched at the sound of him punching at the wall behind you. He didn’t want to scare you but had to express his twisted emotions somehow.

“Please, please, please can you try to pay a little more attention to things, so I don’t have to worry about your safety all the goddamn time? Shit, Y/N, what if I wasn’t here? Who - who would have come to find you? Nobody Y/N!  Don’t do that shit to me ever, ever again! What if you had been taken - or - or hurt in the storm?! I was ready to get the boys for fuck sa-”

Your eyes were pressed shut, hands reaching up to show your palms in defence.

“I-I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry for making you worry. But please stop shouting at me, I - I’m so tired, Beomgyu. A-and I’ve had such a s-shit day… P-please… Just stop shouting, I can’t take it anymore…”

The sore heaviness of your words cut short Beomgyu’s breathing pattern. The silence in the hall became so thick you could slice it. The only sound coming from your jittering teeth. 

Something painful bloomed in Beomgyu’s chest.

Frowning in an effort not to cry, he let out a sound of desperation. In the most gentle movement you had ever experienced, Beomgyu stepped forward to carefully cup your face.

“You - you pretty idiot, Y/N.”

His warm palms covered your jaw, pushing the hair out of your face before gently kissing your forehead. His body drew closer as he choked up. Adam's apple bobbing as he pulled you into his chest for a tight squeeze. It sent you for a spin, eyes bleary and unfocused as he pulled you back to the wall by the shoulders, face irrevocably close to your own.

“P-pretty -?” You whimpered, a little lost. 

“You might be a forgetful clutz, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see how hard you try… Jeez, Y/N, I've never been more worried about someone in my entire life. You’re so beautiful, but - God, such an idiot. Don’t scare me like that ever, ever again. Shit -”

The world kind of stopped spinning for a moment, when Beomgyu showed you how much he truly did care.

A shaky hand tilted your head back, to place a kiss on your lips.

It was pressed. Slow, heavy. Weakly, you gripped his shirt. He could feel your heart pound against his fingertips through your pulse; your mixed scents washing over him in an unknown shiver.

His lips warmed your cold ones, pulling away to wipe at his own face. He was crying. For you.

You reached cold fingertips up to his cheek to wipe them - it made the area wetter than before and did little to help, but he smiled, laughing softly.

Shaking his head, Beomgyu pushed you back against the wall, peppering your lips with quick anxious kisses until his mouth stayed long enough that his tongue danced with your own. 

Truly, he was just happy to be able to hold you.

He gripped at your thighs; pulling them up around his waist to press you against the wall in one swift motion, securing you with his hips.

Heavy kisses were pressed against your neck and jaw, as hot tears slipped over your cheeks. 

Small, sharp canines nipped gently at the soft skin of your collarbone. Before kissing open-mouthed love bites against your throat. So deliberate, careful and passionate.

You considered never leaving, as his hands dutifully held you against his body. Head tipping back as more and more waves of emotion started to flood out, now that the plug had finally been pulled. 

"Why are you so upset, Y/N?" The feline asked gently. Pulling away to press a feather-light kiss to your lips. He watched the way your face pinched, struggling to form an answer. Noting your white knuckles from the grip of the warm fabric at his shoulders.

“I know it’s not just the storm.” He whispered. “And I know it can’t be totally down to your hormones.”

Beomgyu could feel it in his gut, smell it on your skin; the way you ached about something even harsher than getting caught in the rain. “Tell me.” He pushed, gently coaxing you to open up to him.

“I won’t leave you alone until you do.” Each kiss to your body proved to press the seam of pain apart until it ripped suddenly; revealing the anguish tucked neatly underneath.

Unable to speak, you carded your hands into the back of Beomgyu’s hair, heart painfully beating at pace with the butterflies sparking up a fire in your belly.

He paused for a moment. Dipping his head to your shoulder as your body scrunched up against his torso, tightly, before you unleashed an ugly bubbly, cry. He allowed you to push your fingers up and through his hair, pulling him against you. Enveloped in security. Boards against your shoulders weakened by the weight but withstanding the push.

He was warm, and smelt like home. And you never wanted to let go.

“I’m so sorry.” You whimpered, a sob ripping through you. 

“I-I’m a really awful person, and I can’t seem to get anything r-right. My car broke down, m-my phone died, I burnt myself, f-fucked up at work. And I've been in s-s-so much pain - and so, so hungry - all f-freaking day. My favourite work blouse is ruined and I just - I'm s-so sorry, sorry that I'm so useless, that I forget th-things a-and I drop things, I get tired, and th-then I shout -”

Beomgyu, surprised even at himself, emitted a deep, stomach-rumbling purr.

He pressed his lips to the nape of your neck one last time, before relenting the weighty affection to instead rub his nose up against the curve of your jaw. Purring gently through pursed lips.

He considered how your unhappiness had made his guts churn inside out; how his mood changed by proxy of your unhappiness. And he realised he had become vexed by your sudden lack of vibrancy.

Seeing you, his person, so upset; pulled a piece of his heart apart.

Weak at the knees to your pleading, your need to be comforted. Even if that wasn’t what you were verbally saying, he understood. Understood the feeling of breaking. But unlike what he had suffered, Beomgyu wasn’t prepared to let you go through this alone.

"I don't - I can't even d-deal with myself anymore - I don't - I'm so tired B-Beomgyu that I can't - I won't -"

Beomgyu shushed you quietly, rubbing his nose against your damp cheek. He stayed silent as he let you cry into the open air. Your voice tangled with the garble of pure emotion and jittering bones. Unable to do more than choke for breath and release bubbling rounds of tears.

Beomgyu had never scented anyone before. Avoided it out of shyness.

But the emotion that washed over him was like a happy full-body buzz at you slowly, slowly, starting to smell familiar again. He resisted the push inside of his gut, at least until you were able to truly advocate for your body.

The rain dampened the smell of your clothes, even weakened the smell of Johnny’s cologne and the aroma of the wet electric-fuelled storm. But his gut compelled him to go further. Pupils dilating at the marks blooming against your cold skin. Ears still firmly folded back against his hair as he pulled back to see your face.

You were so distressed.

“Just - shut up.” He whispered, delicately.

“You’re soaking wet, aggressively hormonal, and smell like - well, nothing, but also that guy Jon - Anyways, let me do the talking. You’re a mess, hmm? Don't want you saying anything you don't mean.”

Weirdly, you knew you were safe with Beomgyu taking control. Considering your entire three months of history together, you should have been doubting the trust you instantly felt around him.

But you knew he was more thoughtful than he let on - underneath all those protective insults and mean glares. Knew to boil the kettle after he had used it, leaving hot water for your coffee in the morning. Even leaving your leftovers, without a word. Love appears in the unspoken corners of a person.

“I’m sor-” 

Beomgyu pressed his lips against yours, effectively swallowing the remaining irritation between the two of you. Pulling away, his lips brushed your own as he spoke.

“I said - stop, baby. Just trust me. Trust this. I've got you… Just - I'm happy you're safe… Let me take care of you for once, 'cause I know nobody else fucking does. And I’m not about to let you go mope about and cry alone in the same apartment, hmm? We both know I’m not that mean.”

The tenderness in his voice was entirely new. And for once, he had shown his vulnerability. He showed how much he saw you for who you truly were. How he knew your mannerisms already. How you tried to hide the pain.

And the pet name. Baby?

If you weren’t crying before, you sure as hell were crying now.

You nodded weakly. Truly in no position to fight. Your defences settled and you slumped into his awaiting arms.

Beomgyu shushed you as he moved to carry you both into the shared bathroom. Back to where all of this frustration had started. You held onto his hips with your thighs, gripping his shoulders as he held you to his body. Melting into his temperate movements and the hushing of your tears.

You were so used to being shoved away from him or distancing yourself from his annoying anti-socialism, that being near him like this - was so nice. Strange. But like finding a new path through a forest, you were willing to take the risk for the sake of admiring the scenery. 

He just fit right.

You were starting to believe what you had heard about the healing of purring, as you wiped the tears from your face. Stiffening as he entered the bathroom, tipping you to slide off his hips.

Beomgyu dropped you onto the sink counter.

And his heart bounded in his chest at the sight in front of him. You had covered your face with your hands, wiping and sniffling with a bowed head. Still trying to hide from him.

“Oh g-gosh, I’ve made such a t-tit out of myself, Gyu… God, you m-must think I’m s-so pathetic...”

The boy smiled to himself, while your eyes were distracted. Ears swivelling over the side of his head solely to hear you better.

He chuckled with a small “Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” before lacing his fingers between the ones hiding your face. Pulling them back to kiss the edges of your lips. Once, twice. A few more times. Until your lips melded together; hands gripping his shirt as he licked into your mouth. At your soft moan, he pulled away with a bite to your lip, chuckling at you being so much more malleable than usual.

“Come on - clothes off princess.” He poked at your stomach, making you buck in surprise. Laughing gently, he settled your sides with patient hands. “You’ll get a nasty cold otherwise.”

Despite his nonchalant tone, Beomgyu wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in one of his jumpers and keep you there as long as possible. The thought of him claiming you entirely made his neck flush with a feeble purr, pressing a kiss against your cheek. And the thought of how he would have acted if the other hybrid boys had in fact joined the hunt - flooded him with guilt.

What he said was true. You probably would get a cold if you stayed in them any longer. But he didn’t press you. 

His voice stayed hushed as the pads of his fingers wiped the dark liquid from under your eyes, flicking them against his joggers.

“Shh, baby. You’re okay. Let it all out.” 

And when you thought you had stopped crying; his words pushed you to sob against the back of your hand.

As you curled over, he hushed you further.

"You're okay," Pulling your fortified cross-arm-defence apart to let him inside your bubble.

He placed your arms around his neck as he kissed your cheeks, urging you to let him into your pain. With clenched fists you let him tug you closer, pressing his lean and tall chest against you, purring deeply. A deep wash of comfort poured over your scalp until your muscles thawed.

"I've got you…" He rubbed his cheek against yours before kissing your nose. As you tensed away from him, his ears folded and his expression changed.

For just a second, a flash of annoyance had washed over him - a sound of irritation emitted before his tongue licked a quick stripe up the side of your neck. Sucking suddenly and harshly at your neck until you cried out. The distraction ended with another nip of his canines. Scattering kisses against the new aching bruise set in the middle of your pulse until you softened in his arms.

Satisfied, he trailed butterfly kisses up to your lips.

“You smell better when you’re happy.” He grumbled against your lips. Purring through them, almost. “Like warm honey. Turns sour when you're upset. Disgusting and bitter. Not a fan. Not in the slightest.”

Shocked, you laughed. “H-huh? W-what do you m-mean?” Wiping the tears from your eyes to clear the blur.

Beomgyu rolled his eyes, ears flattening to throw his head back dramatically and whine. When he rounded back with a sarcastic love-dipped smile, you laughed, distracted by how beautiful he was. And for a moment, just a single small inhale, you started to smell like yourself again.

“There it is.” He smiled. “Much better.” So quiet you almost couldn’t hear it. 

Before you could react, Beomgyu pulled away from you entirely. Dragging the questions away with him. He moved in such a feline manner; swiftly, and with such grace. Stretching his body upright between your knees on the counter. 

Peering over you, he looked at your clothes expectantly.

The change in pace made you stiff, mumbling a small sound of confusion.

“W-why are you staring at me like that?” 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes before coaxing just one more french kiss from you, drawing away to lick his gums.

Purring, he flicked his gaze down to your top.

“Come on. Clothes, now. Seriously. You’re still shivering.”

“Yes, yes, okay.” You huffed, shuffling forward.

His hands lingered at your side as you slipped off the counter. Silently ready to catch you if you fell.

Standing in front of him, you considered where the hell to even start undressing.

Moving away from his body heat had pushed the shivers to become more aggressive, and as you reached for the buttons of your fitted trousers, you felt your fingers tremble uselessly.

You puffed a small sigh, wiping at your face.

“Do you need help, babe?” Beomgyu questioned after watching you struggle for a good minute.

You paused. Peering up at him. You shrugged, and nodded. Shrugged your shoulders again. Awkward and unsure.

Beomgyu kissed his teeth before going to kneel, choosing for you instead.

He swatted your hands away to unclasp your fabric trousers, tugging the tightly squelching material from your thighs until he could free your legs completely. A slight embarrassment washed through you, but with the way he averted his eyes, you knew you were safe. Using the sink edge as a brace as you looked away bashfully.

Throwing them into a corner, he stood back up, watching as you swiped the damp hair from your face.

“You okay pretty? We can stop, if it’s too much? Still your housemate, you know…” He checked in, breath bated at your possible rejection. He would die if you pushed him away right now, but you had every right to do so. You had stopped crying, finally. And seemed more mentally present than in the hall.

You nodded then shook your head. Falling forward into his chest to wrap your arms around his torso. 

"Thank you." You sniffled into the fabric of his hoodie, face smushed entirely.

Beomgyu stood, a little shocked, before tugging his arms free, and holding you against his body with a shocked laugh. Standing with you - as close as you could possibly be. Scrunching up the material just to grip you tighter. He paused his breath, aching at your sniffles against his chest. Ears tipping to hear you on his left side.

"You're welcome, Y/N -" He mumbled against your hair, relaxing into the hug, voice wavering and tears brimming in his eyes. Smoothing hair from your cheek to rest his face against your own.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you - period - but you scared me, alright? You scare me. The way you make me feel, it’s so strange and, I - I think, I love you, Y/N. Just - please, don’t ever do that shit ever again.” 

Beomgyu’s chest bounced against you as he sniffled away a small, very strong stimulus of a cry; pulling you tighter to his body.

You had never seen him emote like this. Never seen him portray anything stronger than annoyance or irritation.

“I- I thought you had run off, that you were in some serious trouble - that I’d have to go back to the shelter - I don’t know… I thought anything, everything had gone wrong. Next time - I don’t know, hopefully, there never is a next time but - please promise you’ll wait for me? I would have come eventually… if-if I knew you were in that much trouble…”

He coughed slightly, wiping his eyes. Flicking his long hair out of his face. You couldn’t stop the tears that spilled from your cheeks. The way he clung to you - gently and without any evil intent - made you feel so loved and cared for. 

Such a strange thing to suddenly be revealed, from a man that you had been convinced, was placed in your life to make your day-to-day inherently challenging.

You could see now that the lack of communication was the real fiend. 

“And for god’s sake - don’t go calling other men for help anymore! Friend or not - please, God, I hate it when you stink of other people - especially when you come home from a shit day, stinking of your dog friend from the cafe… Ugh, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Like - like you don’t feel safe around me?”

You squeezed him tighter at that. 

His lack of confidence and security had been eating away at him. And the guilt had evidently played a part in his emotions, too.

You knew in your heart of hearts that despite being an all-around-dick, he truly would have picked you up had you expressed what had truly happened.

Beomgyu’s tears welled up little by little until he was fully crying. His ears folded back against his hair until they almost disappeared. Neck bent and hand busy wiping any remnants of tears away.

Looking up at his pained expression, you smiled softly. You reached to wipe the hairs from his eyes. Equally, a line of dampness materialised over the height of your cheek. He truly was such a sweetheart, underneath such a brash exterior.

“I’m sorry, I just - I’m here for you, I always will be. Just because I’m a dick sometimes, doesn’t mean I'm always a horrible person. It hurts me to see you in so much pain. Just - please - stop crying! It’s making me cry!!”

As Beomgyu pulled back a hand to swipe at his own face, he sniffled through a forced laugh. Smiling, you reached to brace his shoulders, tipping his chin to leave a kiss on the corner of his lips. His ears pulled forward into a hopeful, puppy-dog expression. It was… cute.

“I never knew you could be so nice, Gyu. You should try it more often.” 

The tall feline released an airy laugh, lifting you back onto the sink with welcome strength. 

“Yeah, whatever.” He scoffed as he dipped his face down to chase your lips; gripping at the soft flesh of your hips to pull you closer to his body.

Your hands rested at his neck, gently holding his face. Beomgyu pressed at your pursed lips with his own, until a small unfamiliar sound like a feline whine distracted you enough for Beomgyu to huff, pinching your chin up to allow his tongue to lick up in one swift movement against your palette.

It made your head immediately spin, your mood easily spiralling as you moaned softly. Beomgyu's hands squeezed at your behind as he fought for dominance; eventually pulling your face away with his hands, cutting short the passion to see your puffed lips and slackened jaw, keening softly at his teasing.

To your absolute shock-horror and amusement, a string of saliva cut between the air, connecting your mouths in such a filthy way that Beomgyu immediately groaned at the sight. 

“Fuck, you’re so cute like that, baby.” He whispered breathlessly; only to break the string of spit with another forceful approach. Pressing against your body to hold you in place as a hand snaked to hold your neck; at will to the feline who probed at your gums and pulled such wanton sighs from your body.

The tongues caught between each other's teeth reflected how the two of you felt so strongly about each other. How much you had been hiding from each other. How you yearned to be near him, even if he teased you endlessly. How he loved to be near you, even if you made him beet-red from anger. Three months of pent-up emotion released into each other through flesh and energy. The fear and love of the two of you trapped on either side of a literal storm, coming to a singular point.

Beomgyu settled, soothing his palms over your thighs. Obviously, his mind had wandered; changing pace once more. He pulled away from your face as your cold skin drew his attention away from your lips. Your fingers combed through the hair at his neck, welcoming the kiss to your jaw. Soft to the touch. Streaks of white flicked over your hand as you played with it. Pulling it against your knuckles to hear his gentle sigh.

Then, something new flicked in the corner of your vision. Using the moment to test your curiosity, you reached for the tall triangle felt black ear peeking from the top of his head. It jerked harshly, sensitive to your touch as your cold fingers brushed against the skin, sending a shiver down Beomgyu’s body. Namely, straight down his spine and into his crotch.

"Ah- stop, Y/N I’m sensitive - nngh, fuck…"

He grit his teeth to resist emitting a ridiculously loud purr as you leaned towards his scalp for a proper angle. Taking advantage of his body tensing up in surprise; you reached for his ear again before he could pull away completely, ignoring his whine of protest.

You tested your lightbulb idea - pinching the inside and the outside of his ear between your thumb and forefingers, to rub the pads of your fingers together with a slight pull away from the skull, very close to the base of the ear. If it was heavenly for pet cats, you expected it to be the same for humans.

It turned out to be almost orgasmic.

Beomgyu moaned softly, eyes fluttering until his forehead flopped forward onto your shoulder. You laughed softly in disbelief, applying more pressure now you knew you were safe.

His voice was so pretty. His lips parted as his head fuzzed over, jaw slack. Consumed completely by the feeling of electricity dancing all over his scalp and the top of his spine. And that deep, rumbling purr he had been trying to hold in so desperately; vibrated loudly against your collarbone. Almost unconsciously, Beomgyu nuzzled against the juncture of your neck. His hands rested next to your thighs, as you brushed his hair with the other hand. Laughing at the second shiver bolting down his spine, purely from adding a scratching element.

He hadn't  - nobody had touched his ears like that in years. He had almost forgotten how sensitive they were.

You used your spare hand to rub his neck, then shoulder. Sliding down his jumper to follow his arms, eventually slipping into the knuckles at your sides. His fingers relaxed before gripping your palms together. Weirdly, it was even more intimate than making out, and your hearts hummed in glee.

The purring vibrating across your shoulders had almost distracted you from the bulge in Beomgyu’s sweatpants pressing directly against the counter.

The flush to his cheeks and neck was giving his true emotions away. The way his left hand kneaded at the skin on your thighs, ass, and hips. The wholesomeness of the purr had almost distracted from all of this. And you had never thought about the prospect of such a reaction in a sexual setting - but if his lips and chest were vibrating this much from such a gentle touch; you could only imagine the implications of an even stronger vibration in other positions.

But the slower your circular motions, and the more you tugged against the tight muscles of his scalp; the deeper he seemed to slip into this mind-numbing state. You were almost 90% sure he would cream his pants before you could do much about anything. The thought made you smile, fondly. His demeanour, so malleable in this submissive state. And you were half tempted to push the dynamic - but you were too tired, at least for now.

Finally relenting your ear-mania, you ruffled his hair back into place with a small smile. Swiping at the last sniffles from your nose, before meeting his eyes as he pulled away.

“Sorry - I just, always wanted to do that. And you always hide them, so…” You spoke shyly, unsure what to do with yourself now that the ball was back in his court.

But - something was different. The way Beomgyu looked back up at you. His aura had changed. It had switched into something totally new and unfamiliar. His pupils pinched quickly, before expanding in a mesmerizing display of affection.

You searched his face for more clues as his palm pressed solidly over your thigh, over your underwear at your hips and up to the edge of your stomach until his palm rested against your ribs.

His hands from under the fabric tugged up; encouraging you to pull the thick blouse over your head. With patient hands the item eventually broke free from your body, cringing as the fabric slopped onto the sink before Beomgyu tossed it behind him and into the pile at the door. Once again, his ears pulled back in momentary softness as he met your eyes, hands restless to find purchase on your skin.

Being naked in front of him like this; strangely, you were okay with it. And, to add to your newfound joy; he was still purring. And smiling. Maybe this was all a dream, and you had fallen asleep at your work desk? But no, the twitch in his smile brought you back into this reality.

“Your eyes are different, Gyu?” You had asked, bemused at his body's reaction. Voice scratchy and hoarse from the crying.

Reacting to your tone, naivety, and curiosity in place of judgement, even his new pet name - it all made his ears fold back until his eyes creased into an oddly soft smile. A natural reaction to your voice that he was sick and tired of hiding.

With a tongue pressed to his canines, he giggled. Not quite the reaction you had expected, but refreshing nonetheless.

Beomgyu pulled you closer by the hips via his grip on your love handles; until your noses met and your hip bone tilted forward, ultimately pressing your core up against his very solid erection. The action made you moan airily, hips fidgeting against such a sudden change of pace, hands bracing at his shoulders. Your cheeks heated up, your body twitching in anticipation. 

You had kissed, but now this was something different.

Beomgyu’s smile was Cheshire-like - and his pupils were blown out wide as he nuzzled your face aside to kiss and nip at your jawline. It was funny; his feline tendencies showed in the most random ways. His energy remained unpredictable as he began running his nose against the juncture of your jaw, ear, and neck. Until he seemed to settle at the bruise blooming against your pulse.

Purring softly, Beomgyu’s hold on you softened. Supporting your spine now instead of securely holding it. His energy was entirely focused on leaving open-mouthed kisses on top of your pulse; ears flickering with how hard your heart beat the blood to the surface. Beomgyu sucked at the same spot until your knees drew together at his hips, scraping his blunt nails down your legs to soothe you. Encouraging your breathy moans with his own purrs dipping lower in vibrato, confirming every twitch and movement to gain friction against your core.

Beomgyu pulled away suddenly with a lewd pop, rubbing his nose against your own as you came eye-to-eye with a cat who looked like he had snorted a week's worth of catnip. Before you could respond, he bit playfully at your lip, dragging it with him as he pulled away to mumble into your hairline and ear.

“I can smell how needy you are, baby. It's pretty, and sweet, just like you. My eyes are different ‘cause they dilate when I want to fuck something. And I can tell you want to fuck me, too. Can tell you really need it,  baby. Can tell how much your body is aching for those cramps to go away, hmm? How wet you are already? You've needed a good fuck ever since I got here angel, God you smell so much like warm honey when you're turned on, it's insane… intoxicating, even. So much prettier when you smile.” 

Letting you process what he had so brazenly pointed out, he chuckled at your flushed and abashed expression. The change in pace he kept setting was giving you whiplash - dominant, straight into playful, then back into a domineering pace.

And it was so unlike him to speak like that - in such a filthy way. But it wasn’t unwelcome. 

Your eyes told him all that he needed to know; your eyebrows and nose pulled into an expression of confusion while you released a gentle sound of pleasure at the thin skin pulled delicately between his teeth. Pulling back, he laughed at you playfully.

“What? They never told you about a hybrid’s sense of smell amongst all that shitty fuckin’ paperwork?”

Pulling down your brows, you shook your head.

“No?” You mumbled, questioning yourself now too.

Beomgyu hummed in amusement while tilting his head to the side incredulously. Now, this was curious. His nose and ear twitched as he considered how naive you truly were in this situation. 

“They told you nothing about our sense, at all? Not even heightened hearing?” He questioned in disbelief. And his tone once again slid from mockery, into kindness.

You shook your head again.

The feline thought about it for a moment, gaze floating inwardly before centring back on your face. He hummed, kissing the edge of your lips only to pull away as you chased him.

“Mmmm, that explains a lot, actually. The past three months have been absolute torture.”

Beomgyu pressed his forefinger against your lips as you attempted to spurt some very sudden thoughtless questions (probably); shaking his head with a mocking smile. It wasn’t a dominance you were used to. Stern, yet somehow playful in the way he moved with you. 

Testing the waters - you let your jaw fall enough for your lips to fall open. Beomgyu’s short bout of shock melted into pride; pleased, as he pressed the digit down against your tongue.

It was such an unfamiliar feeling, so unlike anything you had ever done with other people. But despite his teasing and his insufferable attitude, something told you that you could trust him. Something jittering in your heart like a bird in a cage. A purr rippled across his chest as you sucked, so obviously satisfied. Ears dropping forward, canines appearing in his adoring smile.

“We can smell around three times the strength and distance that humans can.” He started, rubbing his thumb against your chin as you moved your tongue around the digits, sitting patiently on your hands. It was awfully demeaning - but with the way hearts formed in his eyes, you had to painfully admit to yourself how much you loved it.

“Our hearing is better, too. Some breeds have heightened physical abilities… Not that that really matters. Shit, Y/N, every time you pleased yourself after a long shift - it was absolute fuckin’ torture, babe. I thought you were doing it as - as part of our little game, but - how could you have known? You had no idea what you were doing to me - Had no idea how beautiful you sounded.”

Beomgyu pulled his hand away to exchange a delicate kiss, purring against your lips as he reached around to gently unhook your damp bra. Sliding it off to throw it into the wash bin without moving his gaze. Wow, that was weirdly attractive.

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew. I took it as part of the power-play. I should have said something, maybe?”

You quickly noted the change in expression; he almost seemed deflated. His ears folded to the side as he withdrew into shyness. 

“No - no - it’s fine it - it doesn’t change anything, really. If anything I - you’re lucky, I’m kind of really into voyeurism.”

Beomgyu’s attention snapped up, tall triangles standing to attention as his poker face remained unreadable. “What? Seriously?”

You forced yourself to explain before you burned up in embarrassment, or before this whole thing got awkward. If you can’t beat ‘em - tell them your most intense fetishes? That always works, right?

“Like - I’ve never thought about actually doing it before but - but the fact you could hear me do stuff and potentially even - smell? all of that - it’s kinda hot Gyu, as weird as that is to admit. And if it was helping you get off as well… I sort of, don’t mind? I promise - I’m not offended. Promise.”

Beomgyu’s eyes checked your expression - attempting to find any hint of foul play - before exchanging a nod. Followed by a slight pause for the two of you to smile in agreement - two perverted consenting adults to the other - before his eyes and hands flitted towards your chest. Focus, obviously switched now that was out of the way.

His intermittent bouts of purring hiked up a good pitch, ears folding sideways, a sign of obvious joy. He peered back up at your shy squirming expression, moving to press easing kisses against your lips.

Releasing a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding, your hands found purchase on his forearms, allowing him to marginally move away.

“You really are so pretty baby, but you’re still so cold ~” He mumbled through a purr, fixated on how cold your skin was under his seemingly burning hot palms. As his hands soothed over your ribs and a thumb brushed the underside of your breast, his brows pulled into a frown. He seemed hesitant. And so you reached to pull his face closer for a kiss. You met his lips at an angle and broke apart for air after another shared smile.

A sigh slipped through your lips as he moved to kiss and nip against the skin at your jugular, softness melting into passion once again - his body moving down until his lips suckled around your nipple, leaving kisses all over your chest - but not touching you where you truly wanted him. You whined softly, gaining his attention. Beomgyu’s ears flicked up, followed by his face.

"Gyu - please… Quit teasing…"

He peeked back up at you with a guilty, playful look. 

“Sorry. You’re just beautiful, Y/N.” He giggled.

Such an - honest compliment, from him. You smiled, thanking him quietly.

His hands finally found their place as he gently squeezed your breasts in either palm. It was an amazing feeling - but far too intense. A small shocked yowl sounded from the back of Beomgyu’s throat as you hissed at the soreness of your body, gripping his wrist to stop before releasing a breath and relaxing again. His ears had immediately jerked up and forward at your discomfort; eyes wide as he watched you anxiously, stiff as a board.

“Ouch, Gyu - gently, please… period boobs. No harm done, just - easy tiger...” 

He nodded sheepishly in understanding, eyes, and ears softening, kissing at your cheek in apology before dipping to kiss your collarbone, hands working gently to ease the ache in your breasts. He even ignored the hated nickname - tempering his emotions for you.

But as much as he knew he could move on, he found himself drawn back again and again to the juncture of your neck. At this point he was frustrating himself; sucking at the broken skin until your moans turned into whines and your hips moved mindlessly,  chasing the friction. He needed to do something about it before he truly did cum from fantasy alone. 

He pulled away from yet another mind-melding hickey that was being placed at the same sensitive spot he had been abusing this whole interaction, a moan spilling from your lips as the pleasure was suddenly pulled away. His words were breathy, restless, eyes pleading.

“Bringing all the blood to the surface in just the right spot - fuck, baby, it brings your scent out so strongly. It’s so addictive. God, you smell so good - please, please let me mark you? Fuck, please - I’ll do anything - it might hurt but God I need to do it before I go insane -”

“Yes, fine! Jeez you’re starting to freak me out Gyu - take a breath!”  Laughing softly at his desperateness to get your approval, you nodded with a bashful expression.  “What do you even mean? Not like that Twilight shit?”

Beomgyu was losing his mind, so much so that the humour flew over his head.

“Fuck, I think I might cry -” His choked voice matched with his hurried kiss, leaving you breathless as he tugged you closer to his crotch on the edge of the sink.

“or come - fuck, it means - marking means nobody else can touch you, you’re mine only to play with. Think about it, if you smell this good on any given day I’m surprised nobody has tried to propose already -” 

As he moved to dive into your jugular you scoffed, pushing his forehead back as you made a face.

“Woah! Easy there cowboy! Care to explain a little more about claiming my soul before you take it please?!”

Beomgyu groaned deeply, whining like a child as his ears folded back.

“Ugh, fine!” He cried at your attempt to push him away, but not before gripping your chin to kiss you into a moaning mess. Your hips tilting to gain some kind of friction against the boner pressing up against your core. It made him groan airily as he pulled away, purring deeply once more.

“It means,” He started sarcastically, before moving to lick at the shell of your ear, a moan slipping from your throat in embarrassingly fast record time and a shiver shaking your body.

“No other hybrid fucker can put their hands on you. It means you’re protected if you’re into that. It means that I love you - fuck -” He groaned gently, biting at your bruised jugular with sharp teeth. You flinched, whining until he pulled away.

“Means only I can touch you, baby. Come on, I can tell you want it, look at you ~ you’re so sensitive ~” He purred against your ear as his thumb rolled over your nipples, biting at your ear lobe. You had been completely called out. Panties sticking to your core as your face heated; Beomgyu’s the finger that tapping against the edge of your underwear. Caught, red-handed.

“O-okay…” You offered, a little unsure. “Just be gentle with - whatever it is…”

He smiled against your neck, a new and somehow even deeper purr making a short rumble across your shoulder. 

He left a kiss at your cheek in thanks before his hands gripped the back of your hips, pressing your hips into his at such a tilt that he was holding you from falling. You started to grind against his member pressing against your clit from behind his joggers, reaching for a kiss before he sucked harshly at your neck.

The kisses were gentle; until they weren't. Beomgyu’s barely dulled canines pressed into your pulse until your body stiffened and you tried to pull away. Beomgyu pushed a purr, maintaining the pressure to not break the skin but not leave without some obvious remnant of a bruise. 

His patient hands began guiding your hips, which made you moan softly, ignoring the pain to scrape your nails up against the back of his ears. He responded in kind, finally releasing your skin to kiss at the juncture of your neck and jaw. 

The pain settled after a few harsh seconds; the friction of your bodies proved to distract you beautifully. 

Pulling away with a deep moan mixed with a rumble, Beomgyu’s eyes blew open again, ears flopped back into a doting expression, his thumb coming to wipe at the skin. Followed by his hands in a mesmerized state, before leaning to rub his cheek against yours in a soft embrace.

“You sound like an old radiator, Gyu.” You giggled, actually enjoying this side of him.

He smiled. “That’s all you, baby. Just happy you’re okay.” 

He had bit down hard enough to leave a mark, but not enough to break the skin. The two of you took a moment to hold each other.

“So - what now?” You offered quietly, loving his scoff at your sudden bravery.

“Well, Yeonjun will stop fucking bothering you, for one. That guy sticks around you like a fly and now finally he might get the hint. Soobin, too. Those guys are dogs, seriously -”

“But Soobin’s a bunny?” You laughed.

“Yeah, well,” Beomgyu laughed back, “they’re even worse sometimes. Rabbits have an almost endless libido - honestly, I pray every day for his partner.”

“Someone sounds jealous. Scared you’ve got competition? Maybe Yeonjun has more game?”

Beomgyu released a low yowl sound, lip twitching into an annoyed expression and tutting as his ears folded against his scalp. You obviously touched a nerve, a solid slap sounding against your thigh. Laughing with a scoff of surprise, you soothed a hand down his chest, kissing him into security. 

“Stop it, you sensitive feline. They don’t even mean anything to me. Where are they now, hmm?” He hummed gently before rolling his eyes, purring softly at your nails scratching at the base of his ear until he melted, moving your hand away to peck your lips.

“Not between your legs, I know that much. Think they'd kill to be here though.” Beomgyu huffed moodily, sucking his gums.

Laughing you nodded, pointing to the hand securely attached to your boob.

“Yeah, and they're not the ones touching me up, either! Seriously, as if I'd even let that sly fox within a foot of any of this…" Beomgyu smiled proudly, expression softening until you pulled him into a gentle embrace, butterfly kissing his lips until he truly melted.

Your foreheads rested together for a moment. Just breathing, settling your minds. 

All until Beomgyu released a sharp yawn against your hair. Stretching up and away from you suddenly as he moved to turn on the shower. Testing the water with his hand for a while before nodding his head towards the lush rainfall. You thanked yourself for that renovation. Watching him in curiosity. Still enamoured by the parts of his personality that kept appearing.

You slipped off the sink, hands covering your chest in modesty. Beomgyu smiled familiarly, ears folding as his eyes crescented. You stepped forward to pinch his oversized shirt. Tugging the fabric.

He laughed softly, confirming your intentions before reaching to tug it off, throwing it to the corner. Timid, his demeanour curved for a second before you reached to pull him closer for a kiss. He accepted, humming against your lips.

Curious, you spread your hands against his skin. Much to your amusement - his stomach was firm, yet soft.

Unsurprisingly, your hands dipped to his hips next. 

Beomgyu was definitely in shape - abs mellowed by his soft honey-coloured skin. But it really showed at his waist. Beomgyu laughed at your eagerness as you smiled back up at him. Willing yourself to calm your heart down as you decided to commit to what was happening.

Your cold hands against Beomgyu made him shiver, moan and purr all in a disjointed rhythm as you dipped under the waistband of his joggers.

He laughed softly, before your hands fully found their way around his shaft, pressing gently just to hear his pretty moan. With flushed cheeks, his jaw slacked. Eyes pulling over a haze as boys do when their body is full of lust.

The steam in the bathroom was quickly rising against the strength of the wall fan, your shivers tempered by the warmth. Your lover's body warmed your hands, overheating for your sake. What a waste of water.

Beomgyu sighed as you worked your hands up and down his cock, reaching to kiss his neck as your thumb swiped the precum down the vein on the underside. Pulling with a slight twist as your tacky foreheads met in the dim bathroom light - not even able to see him fully yet, but thrilled by the weight and length in your hands.

He leaned into your touch until his head became fuzzy, and then he needed to move on. Wanting to get you warm before you did anything together. Selfish, to be selfless.

The kisses on your skin were so kind. Loving. Gentle. As his fingers danced against your hips, before gently cupping you over your underwear. You moaned directly against his ear as he rubbed softly against the fabric and around your clit in a circular motion, the flicking of his ears and a deep purr letting you know how happy he was to hear you.

Finally, as you pressed your thighs together, Beomgyu hooked his fingers into the fabric, slipping them down to your feet. He groaned openly, enveloping you into a kiss before pulling away with your lip between his canines. He had smelt the aftermath or build-up of your hormones before - but being the reason behind them made his hands shake in anticipation.

“Your sweats -” You mumbled against his lips, loving the way he smiled back at you. Nodding in glee.

He moved away to fully undress, kicking the fabric away before shyly looking back at you.

You didn’t know where to look.

At his beautiful body as a whole. Pretty cock. Or gorgeous shaggy pitch-black tail.

He watched you with affection as you scanned him, taking a second to return the gesture before your eyes met again. He could tell you had questions, smiling as he brushed the hair off your face.

“Maine coon mix. I prefer to keep it short. Otherwise, it’s big, fluffy and annoying as hell. Especially when people call me cute, because of it.” 

Beomgyu’s ears twitched forward at your giggles. An ease washed over him. You were so much happier than when you had come in. And the tears had finally stopped.

“You’re pretty Gyu. Really handsome. Y-you should show it off more often!”

A loud purr sounded as his ears folded, and he nodded shyly. It was so - expressive. His tail. You couldn't stop staring at it. The way it twitched at your voice, curling then unfurling around his ankles. 

Beomgyu laughed. Laughed harder than he had all night. But it was all a show; hiding the heat flushing his neck by tugging you into the shower after him.

Holding your wrists as he walked you backwards into the water stream, kissing you under the hot water. 

It was thrilling. The feeling of being so surrounded. He moved back to shake his hair, laughing as you splashed him back in the face in retaliation. Only for you to grip his scalp to meet his mouth for a kiss, Beomgyu releasing a loud whine before a beastly purr. 

Hair pulling. You bookmarked that for a later date.

Somehow - despite your age and the situation - you ended up fighting. In the shower. What started as innocent water flicks at the other when their back was turned; quickly ended with you, wrists gripped at your abdomen as Beomgyu’s arms flexed to keep you still.

"Stop fucking flicking me with water! I am trying to help you warm up! Not drown in the shower!" He cried, taking the opportunity to bite at your shoulder.

You both laughed until you no longer could, humming as you looked up behind you. Beomgyu rolled his eyes, as a light purr settled against your back.

Dipping his head to meet your lips, he covered your face from the water. Giggling through his kisses at his long hair creating a slight cove in the stream. Something out of an artsy-emo edit, probably.

You didn’t care.

In your heart of hearts, you prayed it wasn’t a one-time thing. Part of you could tell - his eyes were following your every movement with a blush to his cheeks - that every second was full of love. 

And for once, with a partner, you weren’t nervous.

It’s not that he was totally experienced, but he was prepared to just wait, and to hold you, and to be held. He wasn’t in it just for the outcome. And you never knew sex could be fun; that you’d be laughing as he gripped at your chest, heart warmed through till your skin was on fire.

Beomgyu gently prodded you until your face was out of the shower stream, shoulders pressed against cool tiles. He bit at your lip, pulling it with him as you pushed the hair out of his face affectionately, trailing open mouth kisses down against your collarbone.

The boy was pretty tall. Having to shake out his hair when going to kneel in the restricted space, tail laying over his calves. He kissed down your sternum until he met your stomach, lips paying attention to your hips and hands holding the back of your thighs.

But his ears twitched from the water, pulling away in annoyance. 

Reaching over to the water, you turned it down halfway, Beomgyu’s ears folding as he shyly smiled.

“Thanks, pretty girl.” He mumbled against your thigh. “It’ll be good, I promise.”

You weren’t exactly sure what he was referring to, but as he hooked your thigh up and over his shoulder, your heartbeat almost leapt out of your mouth and you had no thoughts to spare.

He placed a pretty kiss to your core, before moving to place deep hickeys to your thighs, winking at you with a grin as his arm wrapped around your other leg. It held you in place as his thumb came from underneath, tapping at your clit to see you jump and squeal. 

“Aah!! Gyu! I’m sensitive, don’t be a tease!” Your body flushed as his shoulders shook with his airy laughter. Beomgyu apologised, nipping at your thigh before setting.

He turned his attention to eating you out with more intent than you had ever seen from him.

He started with kisses; testing the waters as he held you still. It was heavenly. Warm lips sucking and licking in a steady pattern, curling the coil in your stomach. Your hands found purchase at his shoulders, watching the water cascade down his beautiful back as your abdomen filled with bumbling warmth.

“Ngh - Gyu -” You whined softly, enveloped by his attentiveness.

He chose not to communicate; instead watching you with curious eyes as he circled your entrance with his thumb, before dipping a finger into your core. Moaning softly, your nails gripped at his skin. After a few pumps, he entered another finger, shallower but curling towards him.

He pulled away for a breath. “You’re so pretty, baby. Try and relax for me. You deserve it. I love you.”

He licked a long strip against your folds as he moved his fingers at a steady pace, your mind and body fuzzed over almost instantly. He had proclaimed his feelings so confidently, and it sent you for a spin.

You hadn’t even realised you had closed your eyes, but they jumped back open as he hummed against you, pulling away with a pop.

“You should cum first baby. Go on, I can tell you’re close.” His mumbled encouragements were so soft; fingers curling against him as you cried out. Holding on, on, on, on, until you crumbled.

As he pulled away, Beomgyu placed a kiss at the soft of your belly, holding your hips steady before kissing your forehead. Dazed, you melted into his touch.

Loving him just felt right.

Falling against his hold as he spun you away from the stream of water. The shower curtains rustled before his chest pressed against your back. He held you for a moment. Fingers wandering to your chest, nipples rolled against his palm.

The purr was back, against your shoulder blades. Matching how your mind felt as you heard lewd sounds behind you. 

“You’re so pretty Gyu…” You mumbled, head resting against the tiles. 

You didn’t have to see him to know it. You’d seen him plenty.

Beomgyu kissed your shoulder in response, thankful he was able to hide the smile breaching his hazed features. 

Working himself until a point didn’t take very long; having such a beautiful muse made the creation of a boner, pretty damn easy.

“You sure about this, Y/N?” 

Beomgyu’s mellowed question pulled you to peer behind, over your shoulder. He seemed worried. That this wasn’t the right decision. That he was showing his vulnerabilities far too soon. His brows were furrowed, inside of his mind.

Leaning back, you left a kiss against his neck.

“I’m sure, Gyu. I want this. Promise.”

That seemed to pull him out of his self-doubt. A tender expression breached his handsome features. Leaning in to kiss you deeply as he held your stomach at a curve, chest pressed against the tiles. 

With your legs straight and standing up; Beomgyu hit deep. As he entered you sighed deeply, Beomgyu moaning beautifully. When he bottomed out, your thighs shook in anticipation. He ran his nose at your skin, purring. Taking a moment just to savour this feeling of connection.

After a moment, your shuffles and moans told him when it was good to move. Hands reaching for yours, intertwining between your shoulders and the tiles. 

It really didn’t take very long for the whole thing to hit peak. But then; heaven has never had a time limit.

Beomgyu found no need for empty dirty-talk like your past lovers. Instead; the steam, the sounds of pure instinctual love, the shared words of care and devotion, the running water, his soft groans and even your own; it was the best music either of you had ever heard. 

Beomgyu continued his steady thrusts, before a slight stutter of his hips threw his rhythm off. Hips hitting hard, deep and heavy until you cried out; Beomgyu cumming with breathless pants. He tried not to collapse from the best orgasm he had maybe ever had - steadying himself before checking on you.

His purr’s were deep against your back, his arms falling to dip his forehead into the crook of your neck and hold you. He pulled his mind out of the gutter, biting at your ear and jaw as he drew you back, via his hold across your stomach. Staying inside of you, he held your wrists up as he met your lips - a kiss full of tongue and teeth, pure filth - before his other hand flicked a quick pace at your clit. The pads of his fingers skilled as your body shivered.

“Quickly baby, com’ on, I know you can do it. Look at you, fucked out and all trembly, just for me. Come on, you can do it. Quickly baby.”

Without any control, still full and clenching around him - sensitive moans sounding from Beomgyu pushing his sensitivity - it didn’t take very long for you to submit to his pleasant pleading, pushing you to come just one more time.

Just for him.

The two of you did, eventually clean up. 

Holding each other for a while before he left you to shower per request; meeting you with a large towel and radiant kisses to wrap you up as soon as you stepped out of the tub.

Things were - going to be okay.

Different than before. But good. You didn’t feel so alone in this big blue storm, anymore.

Of course, some things would never change. Bullying Beomgyu into doing house chores was just another thing left on your list. And your inability to cook left you both bickering over take-out options. 

Beomgyu's abs flinched against your cold hands. Body settling again to let you slide your hand under his shirt, pulling the cotton fabric up against your forearm - before pulling back entirely. Legs perched either side of his hips, as he lay lazily lengthways on the sofa.

Beomgyu's ears flicked, a small purr of contentment floating out of his lips.

You were avoiding meeting his face, and so much quieter than normal. He wasn't so sure how to handle you. This new intimacy. He was afraid he would somehow fuck it all up. But he could only try his best.

"What is it, Y/N?"

You bit your cheek. Turning your head to avert your eyes as you moved to tug your shirt off, underwear loose but maintaining your modesty as you were otherwise bared.

"I'm cold..." You mumbled, covering yourself with your arms before resting down between his chest and chin. Arms folded between your bodies.

"You're so clingy." Beomgyu laughed. Softly, and for once without menace.

He tried his best to push out a large purr, breathing deeply as your erratic heartbeat began to thump more kindly against his skin. He liked this feeling. Skin against his. When your pulse slowed after comfort.

His knuckles soothed down your back as he reached for the throw on the back of the sofa; tucking you between his legs and enveloping you in affection. Tail loosely wrapping around your ankle and resting there.

"You can cry - if you need to, you know. You deserve that. I know you’re still upset, I can smell it hanging over you like a sour rain cloud. And - I know you don’t know how to explain what is going on in your mind. And we both know I’m not very good at talking. So we’re at a stalemate. But - I’ll stay. I promise. I’ll just stay with you until whatever it is, hurts a little less. Okay?"

His offer twinged like a hot coil in your gut. Your body going stiff; before a slight shudder and a whimper emanated from the small hole in the blanket. You were crying. Pressing his tongue against his palette, he pushed himself to purr even deeper.

Getting a sore throat was nothing when it came to comforting his person.

He could deal with a sore throat. But he didn’t think he could deal with you being upset for too long, as selfish as that was.

“I’ve got you.” He spoke into the open air. Your sniffles masked by insistent pattering thundering rain. Tight arms compressing you both into healing. Your souls content, if not in a reasonable amount of pain. “I know you’ve got me too.”

“For the record,” You snuffed into his clothes, pulling away to cough against your hand. "You’re the idiot, idiot." You wiped at your face; nose sore from earlier and a cold slowly approaching through the sleepy haze.

His fingers brushed against the bumps against your neck. He almost felt bad for leaving them there, fangs indented into your jugular. But he couldn’t deny the fuzzy pride that he filled with when you shyly caught his hand, holding it there. 

He smiled sadly. “That will go in a few days, you know.”

You smiled, poking his chest with a giggle.

“We can always make another one, Gyu?”

Beomgyu blinked before his ears peeled back and his smile turned gummy, shrugging shyly.

“Oh, hahaha.” He laughed, humbled by your return of the pet name. Ah, this was what love felt like. He had almost forgotten. “Are you sure you - want me, like that, Y/N?”

Rolling your eyes, you shrugged.

“Depends - will you start hoovering?”

Beomgyu’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head, jumping up before flopping down as you stayed sitting on his stomach.

“Fuck no!!” He cried desperately, “But I’ll let you come to band practice if you want to be around me so badly.”

You squinted at his faux smugness, punching his chest before crossing your arms.

He cried out, giggling until he could pull you to slide between him and the back of the sofa, ignoring your whining to drown you in fabric.

“Gyu! Get off me! HELP! I’m drowning - SEND HELP!” 

But you were merely playing. Accepting kisses between giggles.

“Shut up, and get some rest. We’re ordering food tonight.”

“I’m so squished and stuffy Beomgyu -”

“Good. Oh, and, I love you, idiot.”

“Laundry duty and I’ll say it back?”

“Fuck no, but I still love you. Even if you don’t say it back.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And you have a cat-boy for a boyfriend. Nerd.”

“Oh - when did I say it could be official?”

"You didn't - I did. It’s in your best interest. Trust me. I would know.”

MAIN MASTERLIST /// TXT MASTERLIST /// IMAGE MASTERPOST

[UIHALL - PART 2.I HERE] /// [UIHALL - PART 2.II CONTINUED]

well would you look at that: updated 5/DECEMBER/2023

#lets hear it one more time for #'liv writes what she wants to see in honour of very niche corners of tumblr' #we love to see it #txt beomgyu #beomgyu #nct johnny #nct john seo #johnny suh #jon nct #yeonjun #txt yeonjun #txt #txt angst #txt fluff #txt fanfic #txt smut #beomgyu smut #txt hard hours #hybrid!txt #hybrid txt #txt hard thoughts #hybrid!beomgyu #hybrid beomgyu #txt post #tomorrow x together #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu suggestive #beomgyu scenarios

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

okay but- cowboy!reader having like a lot of scars bc no self preservation y'know. i feel like he'd cover some of them up with tattoos but some are just too delicate. im just imaginin' the team of seeing like a sleeve of them for the first time or maybe he has a lot on his back and everyone just wants to know what they mean and when the heck he got all of them and yeah. also my poor boy you're really runnin him through it

- 🦦

Description: scar reveal

Warnings: scars, abusive backstory

A/n: I know, I kinda feel bad but also there's so much more to come for him and I some of it (if I decide to post it) is really harsh and it will just shatter him bless him but again idk if I'm gonna post it so we'll see aha!

Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84

You didn't really think about the scars most of the time. Sure, some of the bad ones haunted you at night, or with raised voices, but they weren't bad. Most of them didn't hurt anymore. Some of them did, emotionally, anyway. These ones you got covered with things you loved. The butterfly, for example, sat on your chest, a small Palos Verdes Blue Butterfly for JJ. Big enough to cover a particularly painful scar without drawing attention. Meaningful enough that it made you feel warm inside when you saw it, rather than the dread and fear that used to build up when seeing the scar.

Some, however, you couldn't cover. Most days, you forgot they existed. Others, they were all you could think about.

The bad ones, that is. Not the ones you got from falling out of a tree at the age of seven, or off a horse at sixteen. No. The ones you got when you pissed your foster parents off enough for them to create a permanent reminder.

The ones on your back bothered you. You didn't like that it was a part of your body that everyone but you could see. They would witness some of your worst memories laid out in front of them, some of which you had never even seen.

The ones on your arms were mostly covered, at least the ones on your upper arms and shoulders. They were easy to cover. The forearms you struggled to cover, not that there were many here, that would have been too visible.

Not all of these scars were linked with sadness. Some were happy. Some were from you being reckless (like daring your older brother that you could jump from the treehouse and land on your feet unharmed - you broke your arm. You were seventeen.). Some were from clumsiness growing up (tripping over the corner of a rug when running to watch the football with your brothers). All in all, they told your life story, from the scared little boy to the rebellious teen to the loved young man to the brave man that stood up for those that need it.

So yes, it made you feel vulnerable at times, but most of the time? Most of the time it made you happy to be alive. To be the person you were today.

You knew the team had already seen your tattoos, from a slight distance. They either hadn't seen the scars, or had decided not to ask about them. Either way, you weren't going to complain. You'd tell them or they'd ask eventually.

It was JJ who noticed first, the pair of you sat in the roundtable room, everyone else had gone home. She had gently brushed over a scar on your arm with a curious look. "I got that from trippin' over a rug to watch football," You said, giving a small smile. Her hand moved to one just below it, "Fallin' off a horse," She fingers traced the next scar mid way up your arm, the curious look turning to worry when you tense.

"Does it hurt?" It looked painful, still raised after years.

You shake your head, "Not anymore." You said truthfully, "They used to. Now they're just there, constantly reminding me."

"Except for the ones you cover,"

"Except for the ones I cover." You corrected yourself. Your eyes darted back down to the scar she was tracing. A particularly painful memory. You looked back up, giving a shy smile, "I really do love you, you know."

"I should hope so," She smirked, "We have been dating for over six months now."

"It never gets old, hearing you say that." You answer.

"Good, because I don't plan on stopping any time soon," She winks, gently pressing her lips to yours.

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #derek morgan #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #emily prentiss #david rossi #jennifer jareau #x male reader #x cowboy reader #bau x cowboy reader #cowboy reader #bau x reader #bau x male reader #bau #bau team #male!reader #male reader #reader #x reader

[youthinluv]

i know you

I'll quiet down if it's what you want I understand I'm not the only one For you I'm here regardless of the pain Don't ever tell me to go away From you

sypnosis ; following his childhood bestsfriend's heartbreak, he decides to take the risk and come clean to her. [bonus chapter of this oneshot]

pairing ; gyuvin x fem! reader

wc ; 2,395

genre ; angst, non-idol! & highschool! au

tags + warnings ; swearing, unrequited love, one-sided pining, hurt no comfort, mixed signals, love triangle (kinda), zb1 members featured, mainly in gyuvin's pov, gyuvin's jealous and insecure and probably maybe has an inferiority complex

playlist ; i know you - faye webster, she likes another boy - oscar lang,

author's note ; RAHHHH even more angst and love triangle !!! i kinda hate how this turned out tho LMAOOO

the story's title and how it's integrated into the plot is actually more subtle than i'd like but i really wanted to push through w the ideas i had i mind w/o changing the title even tho it came out mess in the end saur don't mind that pls tysm

———

Gyuvin has hated Ricky on three occasions.

Or that’s what he likes to think, at least. They were the only times he acknowledged those harsh feelings anyways.

It wasn’t a feeling that lingered anyways, he didn’t actually hate him, of course. If anything, they were on good terms. It’s one of those times where you feel hate towards someone in the spur of the moment because of a situation.

The first time was when he was alone in his dark room, the dim light coming from his PC screen illuminated his face as he watched himself die in game for the nth time again, resulting in their team’s loss.

He sighs, unable to focus on the game he was playing with Gunwook and Hanbin. Glancing at the time, he noticed that it was getting rather late and you haven’t sent him a message yet.

“Hey man, you okay?” Gunwook’s voice broke him from his train of thoughts as he realized he was zoning out, and that his friends had actually been trying to get his attention for the past few minutes now. “You’re acting differently today, is something wrong?” Hanbin adds.

“Yeah, just tired. And a little distracted, but I just don’t think I'm in my best condition right now.” he runs his hands over his face. Gunwook tells his friends that he’ll be leaving to do homework, and Gyuvin doesn’t miss the chance to call him a nerd. As he leaves the call, Hanbin takes this opportunity to talk to him with no filter.

“It’s about Ricky and Y/N, isn't it?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“If they knew the whole story, yeah.”

The call falls into silence as Gyuvin stares blankly at his PC screen. As he opens his mouth to say something, his phone suddenly rings.

After seeing the caller ID, he tells Hanbin he’ll be muting to answer a call and rushes to answer his phone.

“Y/N, hey! How’d the whole thing go? Did you profess your undying love for him yet? Did you two kiss? C’monn tell me!”

Gyuvin teases, trying to make sure it didn’t seem like he wasn’t about to die of worry over you earlier.

“Girl, shut up! I just got home, it went pretty well, but that’s not why I called. I actually wanted to ask you something.” you shush him.

Gyuvin gulps. “Uh– yeah, shoot.”

You seem to hesitate, and shifting could be heard from the other side of the line.

“Um, so Ricky told me that he, along with your entire friend group, thought we were dating? And he mentioned that you’d act weird whenever they’d try to talk to you about me.”

Gyuvin goes silent, and you take this as an opportunity to elaborate and ask him more questions.

“Are you… embarrassed of me? I’m not mad, don’t worry! If anything it’s kind of understandable so—”

“No, no!” Gyuvin sputters. “That’s not it, I swear. I just don’t want them annoying you if they actually knew who you were. The last thing I’d want is them making you uncomfortable.”

“...Oh. Uh, yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, I’m a little tired so I’ll go now. I’ll see you and let you in on what happened.” you nod, giggling at the last part which somewhat put Gyuvin at ease. The call ends and he could’ve sworn he almost collapsed back in his seat.

“Everything alright?” Hanbin asks as soon as he heard that Gyuvin turned his mic back on.

“Fucking Ricky!” Gyuvin couldn’t help but curse, frustration and rage slowly seeping in. “He told her some stuff about how I act whenever she gets brought up in the group and she thought I was embarrassed of her. She could’ve snuffed me out if she didn’t think that! Who does he think he is, causing misunderstandings like that?”

“Okay, okay, calm down. You and I both know he doesn’t think before speaking sometimes, he probably blurted it out without thinking about the consequences…” Hanbin tries to calm him down.

Gyuvin starts to be thankful that he came to Hanbin with this problem as he always relied on the elder, always having seen him like an older brother. 

Hanbin understands that this was much deeper than Y/N finding out about Gyuvin’s feelings.

It was about how he was always jealous of Ricky for having the things he wanted.

It was about how Ricky was so much more likable compared to him.

It was about how Ricky, in short, was perfect.

And it was especially about how Ricky was blind to not notice the girl pining over him. The same girl Gyuvin has been longing for the same way she does for Ricky.

The worst part was that it’s not his fault, and Gyuvin knew that well. 

Ricky had no control over those kinds of situations, he was just lucky enough to be born into a life where everything seemed to go his way. Even if it wasn't on purpose.

And Gyuvin knew that better than anyone else.

———

The second time was more of a buildup, in comparison to the first which was a burst.

But at the same time, he wouldn’t really consider it hate. Disdain felt more appropriate to describe it.

It started when Ricky and Y/N started to get closer, making them spend more time together, and less time individually with him.

It progressed even more the day that Gyuvin and Y/N spotted Ricky and Alexa together. 

While his best friend’s expression was unreadable, he could see that she felt uncomfortable and pained.

Why couldn’t he see that you liked him?

Over two weeks passed and Gyuvin found himself back in his room with you once again. 

“God knows what I should do! I feel like it’s too late for me to go back on what I’ve done since I’ve been ignoring them for days now and it’s a little embarrassing to talk to them out of nowhere.” you finish, taking a breath after the long rant you went on.

“Maybe it’s better for you to talk to Ricky and Ricky only. This way you can communicate, tell him everything and probably even confess to him. At the rate everything’s going, it’s now or never.” Gyuvin tells you, putting down his controller and watching you throw yourself on his bed face down.

After a brief silence, you mutter a muffled “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Getting up and grabbing your phone, Gyuvin sits next to you and watches you look for Ricky’s contact.

“hey. it's been a while. is everything alright? you’ve been avoiding and ignoring me all of a sudden. please let me know if i did anything to offend you and i hope we can talk again soon. i’m sorry.” it read.

He looks at you, seeing how you’re typing and deleting your message back and forth, you were finally able to send him a message.

“hi. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened. are you free tomorrow? i was hoping to talk to you. does the nearby park sound good if ever?”

It took less than a minute for Ricky to respond, taking the best friends by surprise.

“oh my god, you responded. and ofc, it’s all good with me, i’m free tomorrow. i’ll see you then.”

You stared at your phone, rereading the short convo you two had. Getting up, you look over to Gyuvin to tell him you’ve made up your mind. 

“I’m confessing to him tomorrow.”

“Seriously?” He was completely surprised at this.

Fuck.  

“I mean– go for it! I can’t believe you finally have the guts to tell him.” he stutters out in hopes that the twinge of disapproval in his tone wasn’t obvious.

“Yeah. You were right about the now or never thing. I’m gonna tell him no matter what happens. The sooner I do it, the sooner I’ll get over it. It’s much better that way.”

You sigh and grab your bag. “I’m going home. It’s getting late.” “You want me to walk you home?” Gyuvin purses his lips

“Nah. I kinda need some alone time right now. Y’know, to figure out what to do and say tomorrow.”

“Oh okay, get home safe.”

You exchange goodbyes, and leave Gyuvin’s house. 

As he watches you leave, the boy is left behind alone with negative and conflicted feelings to your plans.

He plops down on his bed, slightly tearing up as he sends Hanbin a message.

Gyuvin: 

> it’s over for me

Hanbin:

> ?

>What happened?

> Do you want me to call or come over?

Gyuvin:

> eh

> she’s gonna confess to ricky tomorrow lmao

Hanbin:

>What? Really??

He tosses his phone to the side, ignoring the pings that followed.

Sighing, Gyuvin’s vision blurs as he contemplates everything that happened so far.

Would it have been better for him if you didn’t get close? Or meet at all?

Why couldn’t everything stay the same? 

Gyuvin pauses. Why was he even thinking like this? Shouldn’t he be happy you’ve finally gathered the courage after all these years? And then it hit him.

Ah. It’s because he’s scared that you actually have a chance with him. 

It’s the fact that despite everything that’s happened, there’s still a slight chance that Ricky can reciprocate your feelings. 

“I hate you so much.” Gyuvin whispers, unsure who he’s directing it to. Was it for you, Ricky or himself? Maybe it was all three.

Maybe he hated how you still tried to pursue Ricky even despite how things turned out. 

Hated how blind Ricky was for not seeing how he had someone who’d drop everything for him. 

Hated himself for being so frustrated and selfish. For how he felt about… all this.

Gyuvin eventually drifts off to sleep, dreading how tomorrow would turn out for all three of you.

———

Third time was when Ricky rejected you.

Initially, Gyuvin had mixed feelings. He thought about how this meant he still had a chance with you, before quickly shutting off the idea, feeling bad that he thought selfishly while you were still devastated.

He wouldn’t dare take advantage of your emotional state, right? Right?

Well….

A few days after you confessed, you actively avoided both Ricky and Alexa once again, especially seeing how often they’ve been together ever since. Gyuvin never missed the expression you bore every time you caught a glimpse of them, and one day, he decided he had enough of your state.

In the middle of lunch period, he grabs your arm and pulls you back as you were on your way to the cafeteria. “Hey,” he whispered. “Let’s skip the rest of school.”

You look at him with wide eyes before he leads you close to the exit, careful that no faculty member catches you. 

Once the coast was clear, he swiftly and quietly went through the exit, pulling you behind and now holding your hand while trying to keep it cool.

The both of you walked aimlessly afterwards, going to wherever your feet took you.

One free lunch later, you two spent the afternoon goofing off and exploring the city as much as you wanted. Then, the evening came and you found yourself enjoying the local fair with Gyuvin, before deciding you two were tired and walked home.

“Shit, I haven’t done that much walking in— well, at all, I think.” you sigh and Gyuvin laughs behind you, breaking the silence in the quiet, chilly night.

“Hey, thanks for today. Seriously. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time, so thank you.”

You turn to him and smile as you arrive in front of your house.

“Anytime. I kinda got sick of you moping around, so I figured you needed this, y’know?”

Silence hung between the two of you and you become unsure of what else to say.

As you turn to leave, Gyuvin calls out your name.

“Y/N. Can… Can I tell you something?” he hesitates, and you tilt your head.

He was unsure what possessed him to do this. He didn’t know if it was a spur of the moment thing, or because he felt that you two were still high on emotions, but everything he’d been keeping from you for years came out in seconds.

“I like you. I always have. And I have for years. I know now’s not the best time to tell you this, but after seeing everything you went through for Ricky, I genuinely couldn’t take it anymore. I hated how you were doing everything for him when I knew I could treat you better, but I didn’t want to ruin the years of friendship we had together. I’m so sorry.” 

Gyuvin confessed, the reality of the situation quickly hitting him as he watched your face morph into different expressions.

You were stunned, to say the least, and then you remembered what Ricky told you when you first hung out. And then all the signs you didn’t even notice before came swarming to you and everything made sense. In the end, you didn’t know how to feel.

“I’m– I’m so sorry Gyuvin.” you sputtered out, and you can see how his heart broke through his eyes. “I didn’t realize, I’m so stupid. I feel like an asshole now, I should’ve considered how you felt especially when I talked about—”

“It’s fine. Really. I knew I didn’t stand a chance with him anyways, so I kept quiet. I didn’t want to ruin the years we had together instead.” Gyuvin smiles sadly, as tears shone his eyes.

“Um, I should go. I didn’t mean to keep you this long, I’m sorry.” He turns and starts to walk away.

“Wait!” you call for him, but fall silent after seeing him turn.

“Hey, it’s fine, really. I didn’t expect much anyways. You know how you told Ricky it wasn’t his fault? It’s not yours, either. I understand I'm not the only one for you. So please, don’t beat yourself up over it. I might stay out for a while though, I need some time and space. But always remember that I’m here regardless of the pain, so don’t tell me to go away from you.”

Gyuvin takes a big breath to compose himself, before bidding his goodbyes. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” You couldn’t do anything else but nod and watch as he walks away, disappearing into the night and leaving you alone once again.

#zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #gyuvin x reader #kim gyuvin x reader #youthinluv

[dontyouworrydaddy]

Hey hun!! I was wondering if we could get more split personality Ghost/Simon Riley's x reader because you absolutely slay at writing that and I think it's an interesting concept to explore. (Don't feel obligated to answer this request or rush to anything this is just a little idea) anyways love ya boo. I hope you have an amazing day sending lots of love your way 💗💗💗

Lєт мє ℓσνє уσυ αηуωαу

Simon "Ghost" Riley x gn! reader

summary: Simon never puts on his mask when he is at home with you. But as you enter your shared apartment, you’re greeted with Ghost instead of Simon.

warning: angst, fluff

-> I‘m sorry this took me so long :/ I‘m back now tho! Took a break for my mental health and I‘m better now :))🫶🏻🫶🏻 <-

I literally love you so much, you have no idea. I‘m gonna attack you with online hugs so beware and DONT REJECT MY HUGS (and kisses xoxo). 💗💖💕💞💞💘💖

I also think the Simon/Ghost concept is interesting. Like Simon could be the CUTEST boyfriend and person in general but as soon as he puts on his mask he is COLD. Like you have never met such a cold person. He probably never wears his mask at home and when he does, he probably feels overwhelmed and feels like he needs protection from Ghost instead of his significant other. Poor baby :( Wish I could hug him ☹️☹️

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

"Siiiii, I‘m home!" you say loudly as you let your bag fall from your shoulder. Finally, another day done. Today was a pretty tough day at work. The clients were all rude and you were constantly stressed. And now, all you need is your Simon to hug you tightly and do nothing.

But instead of Simon greeting you, you were greeted by Ghost. And this can only mean one thing: Simon needs protection from Ghost again. The sight of seeing him with the mask in your shared home broke your heart. It makes you wonder why he needs the protection of Ghost. He has you. In those cases, you’re the one protecting him. It’s you he always goes to when he isn’t feeling well. Not Ghost.

"What happened?" you asked calmly as you make your way towards him. He doesn’t reply which breaks your heart any further. "Love, please talk to me…"

"There is nothing to talk. Go to sleep." he coldly replies, causing you to take a few steps back. But he and you both now you don’t give up that easily.

"Sim-" you get interrupted by Simon, but this time his voice is so harsh and suddenly everything crashes inside you. "Ghost! Ghost is standing in front of you! Not Simon" he snaps.

You don’t know why but you can feel tears building in the corner of your eyes. You’re not emotional usually. But everything build up inside you. Firstly, today you got yelled by your boss because he thought it was you doing something wrong even though it wasn’t you. Then it was just you doing your job and everyones else’s. Then it was the customers being absolute jerk towards to you. And you aren’t doing well either. But still you’re standing and there for everyone else. And you’re also just a human.

You decided to just leave him alone and go take a shower and then cry silently, so he doesn’t hear you and see how much it affected you.

"You know Ghost. If you just open your eyes, you‘d see how beautiful life can be sometimes. And maybe you‘d see how much you’re hurting me." you say and leave him standing alone in the living room.

~

As you sit in the shower you let yourself have 5 minutes to cry.

Life has been very tough lately and you can’t find a way to escape this hellhole. There are so many things you want to see and so many things you want to explore. But sometimes you feel like just giving up. But you know giving up isn’t an option because you know you can’t leave Simon alone. This man would feel guilty and fall into endless pain. But not only him, also you want to reach your goal. You have so many goals for your life and you can’t just give up on them.

As you let the final tears fall down your wet face, you take a deep breath before you step out of the shower and get ready for bed.

Maybe you shouldn’t talk to Simon Ghost today. You know how it will end. It will always end up with him taking a walk outside and you crying in your bed.

As you slide into your sheets and try to not think about anything right now, you hear the door opening and closing immediately after. Not so long after you feel Simon‘s bedside sink and you don’t know if you should turn to look at him.

"I‘m sorry baby" this time Simon says. When ghost talks to you, he always calls you by your name, not your pet name. Not even your nickname.

You don’t respond and just lay there. Soon enough you can feel Simons arms around your body and his touch is sending chills down your spine. His touch is so calming and so magical, you sometimes don’t know how he can do that.

"I scared Ghost off" yup it’s definitely your Simon talking to you right now. "I wanna lay here with my girl and talk about her day" he adds.

And after saying that, you just couldn’t resist. You turned to face him and move closer to him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. Your broken heart starts to heal because whenever your in his arms, you feel like Simon scares off your problems. His arms make you feels safe and protected. He makes you forget about your problems.

His one hand rests at the back of your head and he leaves kisses on your forehead. "You’re home now. Rest baby. We can talk tomorrow,hm?" he suggests with a sweet and caring voice and you just nod.

With that, you fall asleep in your Simons arms. Maybe Ghost let him get out and be with you. But you don’t care right now. You‘ll care tomorrow. Right now, there are no problems and there is just you and him. Nothing and no one else.

Just you and Simon.

#call of duty #fanfic #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare 2 #simon ghost riley #call of duty fanfic #cod #simon riley

[mvltisstuff]

this is me trying - p.p

summary: after the events of endgame, peter and y/n romanoff deal with their own grief together. peter, losing his closest father figure, and y/n, losing her older sister. after dropping her title of an avenger, y/n tries to pull herself back to normal.

peter parker x romanoff reader

empty tin cans of beer were littered across y/n’s room as an attempt to dry the guilt in her flooding mind. the sounds of the city outside her new york apartment were concealed by the aggressive news reports on her tv.

“coming up next on NBC New York, new tributes and memorials of heroes Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, and Steve Rogers, Captain America, have been placed in times square. next segment reporter Chris Thompson will be talking with the creators and discussing the importance of these people for saving the world after the bl-“

the tv flashed and turned off, the remote shaking in y/ns hand as she stared at the photo of her beloved sister. she sighs and leans back against the couch and breathes in the cold air from her open window. as she’s busy trying not to get lost in her head, her door beeps and swings open, revealing a more put-together peter.

y/n had no idea how he did it. she tried understanding how he could act so normal after experiencing that. she knew the pain they were both going through, but he was a better actor than she was an actress.

he scans the living room of the apartment, inhaling the scent of beer and taking in the sounds of busy streets. he sighs and starts picking up the cans, throwing them out.

“sorry, don’t worry about those.” y/n’s raspy voice breaks the silence. “i didn’t know you were stopping by.”

“it’s ok.” he says quickly and reassuringly. “sorry i haven’t been by in a few days, i’ve been on patrol a lot. how are you hanging in?”

“wonderfully.” she says, sarcastically, pointing out the scattered mess. she wants to talk about something else, but with everything the pair has been through in such a short time they can’t seem to make time for any other conversations. “you?”

“i’m hanging in there. may’s a lot of help. you can come over anytime, you know that, right?” she keeps her eyes straight, not looking at peter. “honey, i want to help you.”

“peter, i’m going to be fine. they do say time heals all wounds.”

“yeah. how many drinks did you have today again?” he says, slightly more harsh. he brings his hands together, squeezing them as a way of comfort.

“please don’t start this now, really. i’m doing the best i can.”

“i know, and its more than enough. but we need to help each othe-“ she cuts him off.

“shes dead, peter. there’s no helping that. shes dead and i haven’t heard a word from yelena or melina. shes never coming back and im stuck picking up the pieces.” it’s almost like she wanted to say he didn’t understand, but that was wrong and she knew it. peter understood better than anyone.

“you don’t have to do it alone, y/n.” he lowers his voice, almost to a whisper. y/n shakes her head and rubs the back of her neck.

after her death, y/n was left to clean up the mess it left. yelena was m.i.a, there was no point in reaching out to anyone else. there was nothing left to do. nothing anyone can do will unheralded the broken. no one can subtract the guilt out of y/n brain.

guilt was practically eating her inside out. natasha died to bring her back. she died to save the world, and the world couldn’t even save her. if nothing had ever happened to y/n, maybe she could’ve stopped her from traveling back to vormir.

————————————

when y/n was little, before being taken into the red room, she grew up believing a world without her sisters didn’t exist. reality hit like a brick when her ‘father’ willingly gave her up to be a part of an experiment. she realized the truth of the world, and that not everything is pretty colors and a happy family. she reunited with her sister, natasha, after destroying the red room and all of the components, saving the women’s lives inside. natasha is nothing but a hero in her eyes, and never will be anything else. now, to her, natasha was a hero, and never got her chance to be anything else.

the drinking got worse before it got better, and the discovery of new feelings about her situation came to the surface. it seemed that peter losing his strong male figure in his life and y/n losing her best friend brought them together in a way their young, naive minds could’ve never imagined.

natasha claimed to always fight for y/n through life and death. when one wasn’t there, they were killing and rushing for the other.

————————————

one year later.

y/n sat up in her bed, rubbing at her eyes. she shoots peter a message, checking the rest of her notifications.

a clatter is heard from the other room, chairs squeaking against the floor. it couldn’t have been peter, as he would’ve let her know before coming by. in her oversized sweatpants and tank top, y/n gripped onto the knife in her bedside table. she walks carefully, like the weight of a feather on the floor. she creeps out of the hallway, crossing paths with a figure in her main room.

her knife makes a quick move, which the blonde figure dodges and grabs her wrist. she pulls it up as the two make eye contact.

“Привет, my sister.” yelena belova, says clearly with her thick accent reminding y/n.

————————————

a/n: this isn’t my proudest piece tbh but its pretty short. i wanted to get into peters situation and grief a little more but i was kinda struggling with connecting it to the movies, so i decided to cut it short. also sorry if the timing at the end is off i cannot understand it. also sorry if that russian was wrong at the end too LMFAO 🫶

#peter parker #peter parker oneshot #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #endgame #spider man #spider man no way home #spider man far from home #spider man homecoming #tony stark #natasha marvel #natasha romanoff #marvel imagine #peter parker imagine #mcu fic #mcu #marvel #the avengers #avengers endgame

[vampyrsm]

god bless this anon with the hitwoman ask!!! and this indeed made me think of...vigilante yn!

let's see, she completes the heroes' missions first, helps them with clues (which always comes with sarcastic messages like "why do i have to keep doing you guys job, should i take over the mission? xoxo, yn") and she does it with all heroes, especially dynamight.

joining him in battles even though he says (yells) he doesn't need her help. imagine if one day he gets hurt badly in one of these battles and yn arrives in time to save him... imagine the news next morning? "vigilante yn saves pro hero dynamight"

don't think she's a bad person, or even a villain, i think she just feels like being a hero is too much (?) like, having all eyes on you and having to be good and show a pure and clean image most of the time, maybe that's why pro hero dynamight is attracted to her, even tho he doesn't accept it very well...

at this point i wrote an entire fic lol, i'm sorry!! btw i love your new theme, and how have you been? hope u doing well 🌻

omg!!! I love vigilante yn so much, the idea of it has me all giddy because of the potential it could have. But hello lovely!! Hope you're doing well too, thank you so much for sending me this because it's all I'll be thinking about today. And thank you! I wanted to change themes for a little while & I think I'll settle with this for a while, it's clean and I like it!!

I may have let myself get a little carried away with vigilante yn interacting with Bakugou here, hehe

oh my god, imagine the frustration that Dynamight feels when someone—not even a hero—completes the mission before he does? He trained his entire life for this, went through wars for this and he's still getting beaten by some vigilante who's too scared to say this shit to his face? Oh yeah, he is NOT happy with that. Makes it his new personal mission to catch them in the act, to find the woman who is driving him up the wall with those little petty sarcastic messages.

Yes!! The news articles the next day absolutely eat up the fact that somehow the undefeated, number one pro hero Dynamight is injured during a fight (which is rare in itself) and has to be saved by someone that no one even really knows about. At the time of the battle, people are like "Who is that? A new hero?" "No, they're not even wearing a real hero suit!" "Another villain?!" But then you're helping Dynamight up with one big arm over your shoulder, his body hunched over your own because the height difference is ridiculous and it looks like a sweet moment of someone helping him out.

The reality is however he's absolutely cussing you out in your ear, snarling curse words. "Don't need yer fuckin' help, get off!" yet he's still leaning into you, letting you have the burden of some of his body weight whilst you hobble him over to a sideline. And when you put him down, intent on heading back into battle he's grabbing your wrist, a harsh yank that has you hissing at the pain in your shoulder. I imagine vigilantes are somewhat illegal in their universe too since you're operating without a hero license. So you think maybe he's tugging you back to have someone arrest you, but you see the look in his eye. It's undeniable. He looks worried. "Stop." he grits, the pain in his side is unbearable whenever he speaks. "Don't go back out there, you'll get yourself killed."

And you stop for a moment, he thinks he's won you over before you're smiling at him in a way that has his stomach twisting and heart dropping into a black abyss. "Haven't I always been better than you at your job?" A jab, it should sound mean but he can see the genuine look in your eyes—you want to help, you want to be a hero. "I'll be fine." He has to let you go then, you tug once and you vanish back into the street to finish the fight that he failed to complete. Once again second place to someone who wasn't a hero.

But yes, you definitely aren't a bad person and you explain that to him one evening when he tracked you down to what must be your apartment. "I don't like the spotlight, but I don't like letting things slip by the hands of those who are meant to protect us." He can understand that now after the years of his youth dealing with the war and the villains ideals, he gets it now and he agrees; he knows that people are still slimy in the hero world and he knows you mean it when you say you want to help people.

He doesn't know the exact moment he fell for you, not sure when the attraction shifted from wanting to study your fighting style to better himself to something less than innocent. Not sure when he started to chase after you in hopes of something more, to feel your skin under his hands and to see the grin on your face when he lets you slip through his fingers before the police arrive at the scene of a crime that you helped stop.

I let this get away from me LMAO, like I said I love the potential this could have.

#— alex has mail ! #🌻 anon #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader

[unluckyhoneybee]

Quiet Room (Nolan Patrick)

Just a little story about finding your place. Fluff.

Note: this is actually super self indulged.

Warnings: reader has migraines too.

You weren't so convinced of it when you went to see that doctor. Your friend had talked about a friend of a friend who had the same disorder and had gone better since he saw this doctor. You weren't convinced it would work, many doctors has already told you there wasn't a solution. So you sat in there with your head down waiting for another deception and money spent on nothing when the door opened. A tall man with a cap walked with his hands on his pockets and sat next to you. It was annoying at first because there were many chairs around. You didn't know, but that man would change everything.

He was still there when you left the office, he looked at you and smiled a bit politely, but you barely got it, to be honest.

He was also there for the next appointment and again two weeks later, when you learned that you had started the treatment at the same time and we're following the same schedule.

"Hi" He mumbled and sat next to you.

It was a bad day for you. A really bad one. There was a big foggy cloud covering the left half of your vision, the thumping paying above your eye and the stiffness in your neck. Your friend had driven you there because you could barely stand without feeling dizzy. You answered back. He was late that day.

"YN, you can come in"

You nodded and grabbed your bag, then got up. As you did, everything about you started moving and for a moment you thought you would fall. Luckily, an arm around you stopped you and probably saved you for a bad hit.

"Wow, wow" His low voice was suddenly higher pitched, he had moved fast and his heart was beating hard on his chest. "Are you okay?"

The nurse that worked with the doctor came out and saw you, then hurried to help.

"I'm fine, I'm fine."

They helped you inside and then the man reluctantly help you sit on the bed. You looked up at him and for the first time met his blue eyes.

"I'm good now, thank you" You muttered. "You can let go"

It was harsh, just soft words coming out of your lips. Nolan nodded a bit and removed his hands from you, still, he didn't left your side in fear you would fall or who knows what.

He stayed there for a couple of minutes, eyes crossed and brows furrowed, inspecting the doctor's work as they checked your pupils and tension.

"It has been like this all day, I'm good, it'll get better."

"YN..."

"I told you about this symptoms" You said lowering your head. "It's not just pain, everyone focus on the pain but it's not just pain"

Nolan's heart shattered when he heard your defeated tone, maybe not only for you but also for him.

"Nolan thank you for you help, but we need..."

"Ues, yes. Um... I'll be... Yes"

He nervously stomped put but something in him didn't let him go far. He wsd there when you came out.

"Thank you" You said when the door closed behind you.

"It's fine. I get dizzy sometimes too"

You nodded and lowered your eyes to the papers in your hands. "The treatment is not working" You said. "That's why they are so hard today. I had to drop my usual meds to try this and... It's not working. I'm actually not coming back. Today was the last appointment"

Nolan's heart clenched. He had kept an eye on you. He had memorized the shape of your nose and the curvature of your lips, he knew exactly the place where you had every little mark in your place and knew how you liked to spend the time in the waiting room. He hadn't talked to you nor because he didn't want but because he wasn't the greatest talking.

"Fuck... I'm so-"

"Don't be sorry. I don't need more people being sorry" You said. You weren't even angry, it didn't sound like that, just tired of trying and trying.

"Okay" He put his hands on his pockets and decided to go for it. "Do you want to have a coffee with me? When I'm done?"

You weren't sure why, but your heart beat picked up and your face heated up.

"I'm feeling pretty bad right now" You said.

Nolan clenched his jaw. Obviously you didn't want, you almost fainted like fifteen minutes ago.

"Plus... We shouldn't be having coffee" the corner of your mouth curled a bit in a smile and Nolan's expression relaxed.

"Are you up for a glass of water when you are feeling good?"

You nodded with a little smile. "Should I give you my number?"

"I think so"

He texted you the following day, but you were still in bed, then the day after you were busy and he wasn't feeling so well, then when you were finally free he was out with a bad episode. You both should have known it would be like that. But then a week and a half passed and Nolan and you met for a coffee and it was good, great even. He had his dog Charlie with him and lovey eyes when he saw you playing with the curly haired pet.

One coffee date was followed by an ice cream, then a dinner and a film. And soon you had found a comfortable dynamic for the both of you. There wasn't a tag or a name for what you had, but the feelings were strong.

"I have been thinking..."

You giggled and turned around. Nolan was sitting in the table while you cook dinner at yours. He was still sweaty and blushed from the run he had just taken. He was feeling good and hadn't had a bad episode in a while. So he had taken the opportunity.

"Was it hard?"

He rolled his eyes and flipped you off, which made you laugh loudly. He loved the sound of your laugh.

"We should move together"

The spatula you were using fell against the counter and the noise made you two cringe.

"What?"

"For how long have we been together?"

You blinked quickly and babbled while your mind tried to work the numbers.

"It was been a year and three months since you fainted on my arms." He tapped his finger on the table, his eyes blankly starring at the wood. "It's been then around a year and two months since I kissed you"

"Y-you count it"

Nolan quickly looked at you and then back at his hands. He was blushing furiously, it was ridiculous and embarrassing. There wasn't a way of hiding his reactions around you.

"I just..."

You slowly walked to him and cupped his face. As always, his muscle memory made him open his legs for you to stand between them and his hands found the curve of your knees. Your thumb ran over his lower lip and he opened his mouth for you. You leaned and captured his lips in a sweet and slow kiss, both mouths working together as his fingers caressed the back of your thighs.

The no tags, no names, no adjectives was an unspoken rule between you two. Feelings were there, they were obvious. You both knew you were in love, even if Nolan thought those were big words and he still had a hard time coming into terms with loving you. There was no one he respected more, he wanted to protect more, to take care of, to spend as much time... His problem was that sometimes he believed it wasn't the same for you. For some reason, that high place he had you in made him believe he wasn't good enough for you. Little did he know that your feelings were just as strong.

With a soft wet sound, you pulled back, smiling brightly and squeezing his cheeks together. "You and me? Together?"

His fingers gripped tightly your thighs, which made you laugh and kiss him again. "I'm not gonna leave" You whispered against his mouth. Those words only made him grab you tighter. He moved his face a bit and pressed his forehead against yours. It was kind of your thing.

"I spend more time with you than with anyone else"

"I'm kind of your girl, aren't I?"

"Still" He mumbled. "I wasn't sure you'd want"

You swallowed and pouted, your heart breaking a bit. Nolan had a strong facade. He was the serious stern man, only showing the funnier side to a very reduced and exclusive group of people, his people. It had been difficult to start talking about deeper things with him, he needed time to open to you, even when he was super attracted to you and probably happier than a little boy on a candy shop when you went out. You didn't want him to bottle up all the emotions that involved you, you wanted him to know he could trust you.

"Nolan..." You sat on his lap. "I'd love to move with you, honey. I'd really love to. Don't ever doubt it, okay?"

He cupped your face with one hand and smile satisfied when your unconsciously leaned into his touch. His thumb brushed your cheek and then your lips.

"You are so beautiful"

"You are sweaty and smelly"

He rolled his eyes.

"When was the last time you washed your hair"

"The greasy hair is a part of the-"

"No, go and wash it" You said pinching his cheek.

He brought you for another kiss and loved the sweet taste of your mouth. He didn't even care that after all this time you couldn't take his compliments.

"Come with me"

"Mhm" You hummed on his lips before diving for another deep kiss. Consecutive episodes had pushed sex and all fun for a few days and both bodies were craving it.

It was a moment to treasure because you were both aware it could be the last in a few days, so he took his time fucking you again the cold tiles and loving every single part of your body. Same to you, obviously, but his more dominant demeanor left you as the one receiving most of the time. Nolan loved giving you pleasure but his ego was too big to admit he had almost finished untouched a couple of times because of you.

"Don't do that, you always do that"

You bit your lip to not laugh and slapped his other ass cheek.

"It's just too cute and you are always walking around naked"

"There is no point getting covered with a towel when you had this just in your-"

"I get it, I get it"

You already had your pijamas and were drying your hair. The thought of moving with him had your heart beating fast. You couldn't believe he wanted you living with him.

"You are smiling" He said putting some sweats on.

"I'm happy you asked"

He crouched in front of you. "We don't need to do it now, we can wait a bit, take it slow..."

Cupping his face, you leaned to kiss his forehead and then hugged his neck. His hair smelled so good now.

"We'll look for the right place, okay? For you and I and all the dogs we can fit in"

You felt his laugh against your neck. "All the dogs you want"

You kissed his cheek and nuzzled your nose against his cheek, again, he pressed his forehead on yours. It was the slight push he did what you loved the most. It was his secret way of saying he loved you without actually saying it.

"Let's go and eat. I'm starving" He said after a while and got up to pull another of his hoodies from your wardrobe.

"Half of your clothes are here"

"And half of yours are at mine"

"We just need a place to keep them all, don't we? "

He nodded and guided you by the hand.

The whole getting a place together started good. Scrolling on the internet was easy, making Pinterest mood boards was fun, looking for furniture on IKEA was cool. But for weeks, plans went nowhere. Every appointment you made to go and see had been cancelled.

"Um... I've talked to Marcus, he lives down street and has a couple of houses he can-"

"I'm not feeling good today" He said.

You had gotten used to this, mood changes were also a big thing for you. It wasn't easy to keep a smile when pain was so intense. But Nolan could be extra sharp. Most of the times it was even his words, it was his tone.

"Oh, sorry. Um... I was gonna..." You cleared your throat and ran your hand over you face. "Do you need me to bring you anything?"

"I need to be alone"

You covered your mouth for a second to not sob. You weren't feeling good either, you didn't have a headache yet but you knew it was coming. You could feel it and your sight was so good.

"Okay. I'm sorry to bother, Nolan."

You didn't give him time to say anything, you just hang and he groaned. The pain was drilling on his brain right above his eyes. He had vomited too much already. He was feeling truly awful. There wasn't a single piece of food on his body and even though he knew he had to drink, he wasn't feeling good enough to go and grab water.

"Maddie"

"You sound awful"

"I feel awful"

"What's wrong?"

"YN"

"YN? Is she..."

"Upset. I know she is upset."

"What have you done?"

"Upset her"

"How? For fuck sake, Nols. She is the only one that can stand you."

Nolan rolled on the bed and curled on his side.

"I asked her to move together somewhere."

Maddie squeaked but then apologized. The damn sound had crossed her brother's brain like a lightning.

"Did she say yes?"

"She did."

"But"

"But I'm not sure it's a good idea"

He heard the loud sigh coming from the other side.

"Why?"

"Because... Every time we booked an appointment we had to cancel because either her or me were feeling bad. That's how life will be. We couldn't have our first coffee until days later because of the fucking migraine. How are we going to live a life like that?"

Maddie groaned.

"Just like you are doing now, Nolan"

"It would be easier if she was fine"

The thought had just crossed his mind and Maddie almost didn't let him finish the sentence.

"You are a fucking asshole for thinking that. You, better than everyone else, should know how she feels like. Nolan, you better fix this because this is the best thing you will ever find."

"I don't know what to do"

"Nolan, she adores you, she takes care of you like no one. You need her"

"I don't-" But who was he trying to fool? He fucking need you.

"And she needs you"

Nolan closed his eyes as if it would stop the tears from falling.

"You love to take care of her"

"Okay"

"Okay?"

"I'll fix it"

"Wait until the episode it's over"

"Yes"

"Call me if-"

"I know"

It was pretty scary to receive a call from your best friend the following day. He had started to feel better and was planning how to go to see you.

"Sam"

"Nolan, do you know something about YN?"

"Um... No"

"No?"

It was strange because you two were flesh an bone. Everyone was amazed to see how sweet Nolan could be around you, how you had gotten him to seek for your touch in public, to lean to joke and laugh closer to you... When you were together, it was as if you two were the only ones in the room.

"I have been out for a couple of days"

"Oh. I thought she would be with you"

"S-she is not" Nolan cleared his throat. "But I was gonna go to hers in a bit"

He heard your friend sighing in relief. If they only knew it was a lie...

Nolan brushed is thumb over that spot on his forehead and bit his lip. Maybe something had happened to you. Maybe you were having a bad episode and had fainted. Maybe the nausea was so bad you couldn't get up. Maybe...

"Yeah, I'm gonna get going"

"Okay. Thank you, Nolan"

"It's nothing"

He shouldn't have driven when he hadn't recovered completely, but there was a knot on his stomach and fear drove him. He knew were you hid the key and let himself in. It was tidy but dark. The silence was too dense and there wasn't signs of life on your flat. But he knew where to find you.

You whined when the door cracked opened, that awful sound felt like it could make your ears bleed. You pressed your hands harder to your temples and for a second the pain calmed, but then it came back and you sobbed.

Nolan had taken his shoes off to not be too noisy, he was trying to control his breath and not trip with the stuff on your floor. It was a mess but he couldn't ask for more.

"YN"

Your sobs ceased. Who were you expecting? You didn't even know. Probably not him. You thought he was in bed. Maybe you had unlocked another level of symptoms and you were imagining things. You thought he wanted to be alone, that you were a bother.

"YN, babe"

You felt the bed dipping next to you and his warm hand over your arm.

"Nolan" You whimpered.

"Do you need something?" He asked with a knot on his throat.

Him. You only needed him.

"I-I don't know"

"Have you had your meds?"

You wouldn't tell him that you had cried yourself to sleep and that had caused the migraine. You wouldn't tell him that you felt so awful that you couldn't even get up from bed.

"N-no"

"Why?"

He only realized how harsh it had been when you squirmed away from his touch.

"S-sorry" He mumbled. "It's too late to have them now. Do you want to try with painkillers to see if they help?"

You both knew it wouldn't help. But it was the only thing you could try.

"Okay"

Nolan brushed your hair out of your face, taking into your tired features in the dim light.

"I'll be back in a second."

Nolan tried to be quick and ignore his own pain. Maybe it was the nerves, but he was feeling how he was walking steps back.

"Hey, let's sit up"

His big and gentle hands helped you sit straight and steady. Your head was turning and you couldn't see well. You drank with his help and then sniffed and leaned into his side.

"I'm with you, I've got you" He mumbled in your hairline between soft kisses. "Food?"

You shook your head.

"Okay" He kissed your temple. "A bit more water and then you lay" He helped you with everything before letting you fall back on the pillow.

He observed you for a bit. You had curled on your side, hand pressing the back on your neck looking for some relief. Soon, he was in bed pressing a cold pad on your forehead, keeping you on his arms and doing his best to help you calm down. His warmth was your favourite thing to feel when you were feeling like this, it was grounding and his heartbeat was always a good distraction from the pain. Your hand was gripping hard on his ribs and your knee hooked around his thigh.

"How bad is it?"

"8"

He kissed your hair.

"It will pass. I'll take care of you meanwhile, I'm not leaving you alone"

There wasn't anything in the world he wanted more than to be there for you. He hated the idea of you being alone like this. When he wanted to be alone during episodes, you felt more comfortable knowing someone was there for you just in case.

"Nolan" You whispered so long after. It had gone dark and the cold pad had melted and was forgotten on the nightstand. He had given you water, drank some himself, brought little snacks for you to eat and also for him to fill his empty stomach. He stayed with you and calmed you down when the pain made you broke down crying.

"Mhm"

"How are you?"

You question surprised him. He looked down at you, he could barely see your face anymore, but he had it memorized so he could made up your features in the dark.

"I'm fine"

"No, you came here in the middle of and episode"

"I'm better" He mumbled.

"Thank you"

"For?"

"Coming here"

You felt like a liability when you hung that call, you felt too much, you felt awful, you felt like you couldn't respect his limits. Him coming for your help had been a huge thing for you.

Nolan moved a bit and trapped you on a big bear hug. Your leg was around his waist, his was up and pressed against yours, your arms were around his torso and his were around your shoulders.

"I'm here for all of it"

Nolan wasn't a big cheek-kisser, his height and personality made him more of a head/forehead kisser. But in that moment he went for a hundred kisses in your cheek, making your skin warm under his lips and the first smile in the day appear in your lips.

"I'm for the good and the bad days"

You squeezed your eyes shut. "I thought you- you didn't want me around and- we are trying to move in together and..."

"The pain makes me not want anyone around, but eventhough I know that I need you" He said. "I'm sorry I was a dick"

Your nuzzled your head on the crock of his neck and he threaded his fingers through your head.

"I'm always there for you, Nols. Don't push me away, please"

His hand traveled down your waist and gripped your hip tight.

"I won't"

You cupped his face and kissed his lips, tasting the chocolate from the cereal bar. He hummed in your mouth and pushed his body into yours. "Can I?" He asked on your lips. "Are you feeling good enough?" He asked brushing your neck with his big hand.

"Please..."

Days passed and you visited the first places, no one seemed good enough. But the feeling of walking around the empty houses hand in hand with Nolan and watching the different places was the greatest thing you've felt. He showed a hidden part of himself, he was talkative and had so many ideas, almost matching you and all of yours.

"What do you think?" He asked on your ear. His arm was around your shoulder and your back was against his chest. You were playing with his fingers and already picturing the sofa of your dreams in that corner of the living room.

Elena, the seller, had given you some time.

"I think it's good." You said.

"Only good?"

You looked up at him.

"Better than the others" You giggled.

"I think it's great."

"As great as..."

"As great as I want to live here with you"

An incredible joy was over you and you jumped to hug his neck. Laughing, Nolan hugged you tight but wasn't quick enough to gram his cap, the one you had knocked out of his head. He was laughing out of pure happiness. He had never felt better with you on his arms. He brought your head back and kissed your lips hard and deep. He would make love to you in that room empty if it wasn't for the woman waiting for you to make a decision. When you pulled back, he put you down again.

"So?"

"We keep it"

Ellen helped you with the contracts. It would start as a renting house with the option of buying it after two years. Any of you wanted to buy a house now, it was a huge step and you sill weren't sure how life together was. But having that future possibility of staying here forever, in your forever home that was also your first home together gave you a sweet ticklish feeling in your belly.

"Three bedrooms it's more than what you first asked for. I know you asked for a two rooms house" Ellen explained. The two rooms was only for visits, you wanted to have a guest room just in case anyone need to stay, but three wasn't that bad. Plus, you already had ideas floating around your mind. "But the price it's worth it"

"Yeah, we are good with it" Nolan mumbled. He already wanted the keys, pack and bring everything here. He would do it in the meantime of the night if he could.

You smiled at him and patted his tattooed thigh.

You should have known how hard moving would be. The first step had been packing everything and select what you would keep and take to your shared home. It took a couple of weeks and was so frustrating. Then, an awful week for Nolan interrupted everything. You tried to use the time he was in bed to clean around the house, but pain threatened you with the same a couple of times and you had to slow down.

"We should hire someone for painting the walls" He said one night when you were having dinner. Your apartment was full packed, the sofa was wrapped in plastic and the chairs where pulled in a corner. Your mattress was already in the guest room and your clothes in boxes. You only kept the summer ones in a suitcase in a corner of Nolan's bedroom.

"But-"

"We can't use air freshener because the smell knocks you out, YN. Paint won't be different. Plus, you look exhausted" He cupped your check lovingly. "I know a guy, he is friends with my dad."

You nodded a bit. Painting with Nolan had been in your check list for the new house, but he was right.

"And we should leave the guest room and put everything together once we are there." He added.

You pouted. "Nols..."

"Don't Nols me. If we also build the guest room now it will take us at least another week being positive."

You frowned and crossed your arms on the table, making yourself small and lowering your head. The whole process wasn't as Disney-like as you hoped it would be. You were working int he house in separate ways, almost not sharing time in there together and taking the moments you were both feeling good to buy stuff and plan things.

"Hey, don't cry. Come here, love"

He pushed his chair back and patted his thighs. You didn't need to be told twice. You moved and sat on his lap, curling yourself on it and falling on his embrace.

"It's frustrating" You sniffed.

"I know. But if we do it this way we could be living there in a couple of weeks" He explained. "And you will have your own wardrobe and not a suit case, and all your things and your blankets and we won't have to move around jumping boxes"

"You are sweet. The sweetest. I wish everyone could know that"

"I only show those I love"

You bit your lip. It was the first time he referred to loving you. He had never used the word love around you, even though you knew well he did.

"Look at me"

You did.

"Things don't go like wevd love to. I've learnt it the hard way. Maybe we can build the house as we planned it, but I'm happy to share this with how, however the migraine let us do it"

You pouted again and pressed your forehead against his. "That's the sweetest and longest thing I've ever heard you say"

"Can't you just take it and not joke about it?"

"You are just so sappy" You giggled between tears. He dramatically rolled his eyes. "If I knew you weren't always all serious and deadpan I wouldn't have gone to that date"

"Can be serious and deadpan if you ask for it"

This whole talk had made him flush, with was your favorite thing of him. You kissed his cheeks and then his lips.

"I'm sorry I got like this, it's been difficult"

He caressed your hair. "I know"

You hid on his neck and closed your eyes. "I'm happy I'm doing this with you"

A week and a half later, the house was painted and the furniture was already pilled in the living room.

"Can you believe this, Charlie?" You asked the sweet dog. "You have your own corner even before mum and dad have a bed"

Nolan looked up from the box he was unpacking. Mum and Dad. A smile crept to his lips and Maddie, who was helping you, caught him. He rolled his eyes and flipped her off, which only made her laugh.

"That reminds me, did you brought the..."

"There"

"And..."

"next to the table"

"And..."

"In the car"

"You have everything, don't you?" You asked making him blush.

"Well, I want to make it quick"

Maddie laughed and walked past her bother. Seeing him so in love was actually pretty entertaining. She stayed and helped you unpacking. It was also a big help with the guest room and you could finish only in a few days.

"Hey, it looks good" Nolan said. He had caught you staring at the walls again.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I like that one" He pointed at the picture. It was from your first camping trip together. He kissed you temple and you smile turned as beautiful as the one in the picture.

You turned and wrapped your arms around his waist.

"Nolan"

"Mhm"

"Thank you for not letting me fall that day at the clinic. The treatment was bullshit but at least I met you and... I still have the stupid migraines fucking my life, but... I have you to deal with it by my side and-"

He cut you with a kiss. He couldn't remember if he was a slow kisser before or had just become one with you, but he wanted them to least the longest possible.

"I will do it again" He mumbled "All of it"

You smiled and closed your eyes. He kissed your forehead.

The house was finished only a few days later and you gave yourselves a day to warm on it before having some people over. To be honest, Nolan wanted that day to fulfill the lastest dreams he had been having. Then, the following day, you had your closest friends and family over.

"Nols"

"Here"

You carefully opened the door. He was sitting on his heels in from of the wc, the big body looked so small now.

"Love..."

"I'm fine"

You put your hands on his shoulders and leaned down to help him with his hair.

"Okay, what do you need?"

"A second"

You kissed his temple and decided that yes, those ideas you had in mind made sense. You needed Maddie's help.

"Meds?"

"Please"

You got up and took the meds from the cabinets. Then filled a cup of water and passed them to him.

"I'm good. I was just feeling really dizzy"

"Lay down for a bit" With a wet towel you cleaned the sweat on his face. "It's better"

"I can hear them from our bedroom"

You kissed the side of his head and hugged him to your side tight.

"We'll stay here then"

"The party..."

"I'm good here"

So Nolan curled against you and closed his eyes, enjoying the silence the bathroom gave.

"Five minutes"

You smiled and kissed his head. "Okay"

He was out of town for a few days, needing to fix a few things. Maddie stayed with you, mostly because he asked her to stay just in case you had an episode. It was terrifying for him ti imagine you alone in the new house with a terrible episode. He didn't know that you and his sister had a busy couple of days.

Nolan felt truly homesick for the first time in that hotel room. Now he had a place to come back with his favorite person in the world. He had his own home, but not like the one he had before. He had a home to come back with a person he really seek to go back too. Before, it was all an I'll go home and rest and tomorrow I'll visit YN. Now, it was all an I want to go back and watch films at home with YN.

When Nolan opened the door, Maddie was already gone, she had her own stuff to do so you didn't want to keep her there for longer. He heard a loud squeak and many swears that left him curiously waiting by the door.

"YN?"

"Wait!"

"Where is Charlie?"

Charlie ran in to say hi to his dad, who received him with many belly rubs.

"Where is mum, bud?"

"Right here"

He looked up and his damn cheeks turned a red shade of pink. You were only wearing one of his big old t-shirts and a big smile.

"Oh, hi" He said with a smirk.

"Don't look at me like that. There is something"

"Something"

"A surprise"

His smirk grew.

"Under that old t-shirt"

"No, perv" You cupped his face and gave him a quick kiss. "Welcome. Follow me"

Halfway through the corridor, you covered his eyes and he only laughed.

"This is when you kill me to inherit all my wealth"

"Sure thing"

You were nervous but didn't show it a single bit. "Okay Patty"

You killed his shoulder.

"I hope you like this"

You uncovered his eyes and the first thing he could focus on was a sign in the door. Nolan's quiet room. It was handmade in your favorite crafting. He frowned and looked around. It was the last room. The one you hadn't found a use for yet.

"What's this?"

You bit your lip and opened the door. He walked in slowly. A bed, thick curtains and blinds in the window, a puff, Migraines emergency kit, a mini-fridge, a thick carpet, blankets, pillows...

"YN, what is this?"

You swallowed and grabbed his hands. "This is for you, a little cave. I know you need some alone time when you are not feeling good and that the house and the street can be a little too noisy so... Maddie and I built this for you these past days. You have the carpet so I can walk in and not bother, your earplugs and pads and everything on the kit, for in there, water on the mini-fridge, there are meds I'm those drawers, clothes, blankets, the curtains so this can get 100% dark, the put this weird thing in the walls to cover the noise a bit more and-"

He cut you with a kiss. Years of injuries after injuries and no one had ever done something so big for him. Soon, your back was pressed against the wall and his lips were devouring yours.

"Mmm, Nols-" You parted with big eyes and burning face and panting out of breath.

"I love you" He simply said.

Any of you realized that it was the first time he said that. It was so obvious that he never felt the need to word it. But now it was on his chest and it had slip out. Your eyes had ears and you were smiling. His hands were cupping your face and they felt so warm. You had missed him these days. The house was empty without him.

He kissed your lips but softly this time. "Can I take you out?"

"Do you have to ask your girlfriend on a date?"

"Don't remember asking you to be my girlfriend?"

You frowned and slapped his chest. "Asshole"

"Are you my girlfriend?"

"I hope so"

He chuckled and kissed you once more. "Do you wanna go out for dinner?"

"Perfect"

Because when you were both feeling good, the only thing you wanted was to make the most of it.

You weren't expecting the gears on his mind working so quick. He caught you by surprise, big hand on your eyes and his arm around your body cautiously guiding you.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Shhh"

His heart had never beaten so erratic. He was truly nervous. He was truly worried of your reaction. But then he uncovered your eyes and you gasped. That small and soft gasped he loved on you so much, all surprise in your face and your lips discretely curling in a smile.

YN and Nolan's quiet room.

Your name was way more clumsily written but he tried his best.

"Nols..."

"Go in"

Inside, the room was the same but slightly different. Your weighted blanket, you neck pillow, your blindfold, your earplugs, your meds box and all your other items.

"Nolie..."

"I know you need comfort and being taken care of. And that I get really grumpy when I'm having migraines and maybe I can push you away. It's not because I don't want you. It's just... It takes the worst out of me. Still... This is for us. For us to hide for the world, okay? I want to take care of you and let you take care of me and it meant a lot that you built this for me. So... I made it also yours."

"I love you" You blurted out. "So much. And I can't believe how vocal you are recently. But I love it and you are the best thing that ever happened to me"

He rolled his eyes and hugged you tight. "I hope we don't have to use this as much, but... Here it is and... Just for you and me"

"You and me. I like it" You circled your arms around his neck and he lifted you from the floor.

"Only like it?"

"Love it"

#Nolan Patrick #Fluff #NHL fic #Np #Fic

[domoz]

Founders have me writing like crazy it seems. Another fic, cw for child abuse in this one. It gets nasty.

It's a beautiful spring evening when Hashirama decides that he needs to kill his father.

When his legs give out for the fifth time, Hashirama isn't able to force himself up again.

To say chichiue had been unhappy with what had happened at the Naka River would be an understatement. Hashirama had kept his head bowed through a long, long lecture, insisted over and over that he hadn't known because ignorance might be the only thing that could save him.

Punishment has been brutal, regardless. He's been taking his smaller than usual meals alone in his room, and even those have been more sparse than usual, because every waking has been consumed with ceaseless training.

"When you see that boy on the battlefield, you'll kill him."

Hashirama shudders and turns his face into the dirt. He won't, and that will probably end up worse for him than this, but that still isn't enough to make him willing to do it.

(Madara was like him. Madara wanted peace. Peace could mean that no one would be forced to do something like this ever again).

For the moment, though, Hashirama can't get his legs to cooperate. Today he'd been training his mokuton ('until you have enough wood to rebuild the whole compound twice over'), and he'd tried, he always tries, but he's never, not in his life, been this low on chakra before. The lack of it makes him feel dizzy and nauseous and cold, seems to amplify all the aches and pains of the last few days. He'd pulled a splinter out of his hand earlier and the spot has been aching and stinging for hours when normally he would have forgotten about it minutes after it happened.

He's exhausted and miserable, and his eyes are burning with unshed tears because letting them fall will mean he probably doesn’t even get to eat tonight. He's already going to be in trouble enough for falling again--

"Boy, you better not be taking a break." Butsuma's voice calls, far away as first but getting louder, "You're not even halfway done."

Hashirama's voice catches in his parched throat -- he's got no idea whether it'll be safer for him to admit the truth or make an excuse. Before he can decide, his brother's voice chimes in, and oh he hadn't even known Tobirama was here.

"Chichiue, he's low on chakra." It's said so matter-of-fact that Hashirama can't tell if he's being judged for it or not. But he's really not the happiest with Tobirama right now and in a poor mood anyways so all he feels at the comment Is a spike of anger harsh enough to send the tears he's been hold back spilling down his cheeks.

Why did you have to tell him that? Why do you keep ruining things?

Butsuma clicks his tongue.

"Shameful. But low chakra is not a reason for him to be on his back. Or crying."

Hashirama can only see the purpling sky, but he can hear the sneer in his father's voice.

"I just don't know what to do with you, boy. Maybe a real punishment is in order. To start with, no meals until you're done with this."

Hashirama stifles a sob. Fuck, but he's hungry. There's a heavy sigh from his father, but it's Tobirama's voice he hears next.

"Chichiue, is that… Wise?"

There is a heavy pause; Hashirama musters the strength to lift his head and is treated to a sight he wishes wasn't familiar. Tobirama's thin back is between him and Butsuma. His arms are crossed this time, but Hashirama knows his intent. His little brother trying to protect him, again.

This is your fault in the first place! A wounded part of his heart screams, but already he feels guilty for the thought.

(How was Tobirama to know who he'd been meeting? How was he to do anything but worry when his brother kept disappearing so soon after their last one had died? How was he to say no to an order?)

"It's just --" Tobirama's voice is uncharacteristically hesitant, "Harsh training is well and good, but if he's not able to recover his strength then he won't be able to act should an emergency happen. Right now, he'd be useless in a battle."

There is a weighty silence, one that stretches on long enough that it makes Hashirama's heart flutter with hope -- maybe Tobirama's words have managed to convince him, again.

"I have no intention of letting him go to battle until I'm sure he's learned his lesson." Another pause, and then "…You're more troublesome than you let on, boy."

Those words aren't meant for Hashirama. Tobirama stiffens just enough to be perceptible, and if Hashirama can see it in the state that he's in, there's no way that Butsuma missed it.

"That's what I thought. Tobirama, on your knees. I think you both need to understand something."

Tobirama hesitates for the barest moment before sinking down. He knows better than to protest in this situation. Hashirama struggles to roll over enough to see what is happening. To see how Butsuma has knelt down across from Tobirama to grab his chin in a bruising grip, how Tobirama's hands are fisted tight in the fabric of his pants.

"When I teach you that shinobi aren't to show emotions, what I mean is that they can't let their feelings affect their decisions." He forces Tobirama's face to turn, to meet Hashirama's wide eyes with his own, "But if you had taken that lesson to heart you would have seen how much better off your brother would be if he understood. You may hide what you feel, but I can see now how much you let those feelings rule you. You'd rather spare your brother pain than have him grow stronger and survive."

Butsuma reaches for a pouch and, and with his other hand he draws out a kunai. Tobirama doesn't struggle as it's pushed to his cheek, but instead goes very, very still. Hashirama's stomach swoops -- he wouldn't, he wouldn't--

"And you, Hashirama… I don't know what to do about that bleeding heart of yours. But you need to understand, if you're going to open yourself up to whatever poor kid with a sob story you meet in the woods you need to be strong enough to make certain that it can't hurt you."

He squeezes Tobirama's face, applies pressure. The kunai bites deep into his brother's cheek. Tobirama jerks in his hold and lets out an awful, warbled whine before cutting himself off.

"Stop." Begs Hashirama, voice breaking, He tries to push himself up only for his arms to give out from under him, "Stop it. Stop it!"

"If you want it to stop --" Says Butsuma, forcing Tobirama's face to turn the other direction and digging the kunai in to the other side, perfectly matching the first cut. "-- Then stop me. Get strong enough to stop me."

But Hashirama can't stand up. There's no sudden burst of strength -- he used that up ages ago. All he can manage is to drag himself a few inches forward through the dirt, fingers just able to reach where a spot of blood (his brother's blood!) has been flung to the ground.

"Please." His voice is hoarse, "Please, I understand. Please stop."

The look Butsuma levels at him is cold, a frown that says he doesn't believe him.

He tilts up Tobirama's head, cuts a final slash into his chin, before letting go. Standing up, stepping back, uncaring of the way his son has dropped to the ground like a puppet with it's strings cut.

"Guard your heart or grow strong enough to keep it safe, Hashirama. Those are your options."

He turns, leaves them alone on the training field under a rapidly darkening sky. It's only when he's out of sight that Hashirama feels sensation return to his limbs, feels just how hard his heart is pounding. Hears the near silent drip of blood onto the ground from Tobirama --

His breath hitches but he can't lose his head yet, his brother, his last baby brother, still hasn't moved.

"Tobi." He calls roughly, but there's still no reaction, "Tobi. Tobirama!"

When he finally pulls himself close enough, he reaches for his brother's hand, ignores the way it's trembling and sticky with blood (so much blood but it's fine, Tobirama has to be fine, head wounds just bleed more than most--). Only when he touches Tobirama does his brother react. Jerks away from him -- finally looks at him, but it's with eyes that are completely empty.

"We can't." Tobirama's voice is quiet. It cracks, but his little brother does not cry, even now, "He's waiting to see what we'll do."

Waiting to see if they'll turn to each other, he means.

"Tobi…" He calls, as Tobirama mechanically pushes himself to his feet, pulls his hand away. He wants to do something, needs to do something, to make this even a little okay, but he knows Tobirama is right, that if they try to help each other now the lesson will only repeat itself.

Tobirama shakes his head, walks towards the main house with his head ducked low, leaving a trail of blood behind him.

And Hashirama still can't force himself onto his feet to follow.

He falls back onto the dirt, throat tight. A few more tears spill out, but not many. He doesn't have anything left in him to cry.

He feels -- empty. He thinks he should be feeling more but all that's left behind his breastbone is hollow. And if he feels like this, than Tobirama must be…

He broke something, Hashirama thinks hysterically, He broke something in me and I think he might have broken Tobirama, too.

There's a bile building in the back of his throat as the realizations hit him. He can't let that happen again, won't survive if it does.

If you want to stop me, then stop me. Get strong enough to stop me.

That had been the lesson. Maybe Hashirama can finally learn this one.

The determination to build peace and a village had made him feel warm. The determination to do this settles like lead in his guts.

If any of his dreams are going to happen, he needs to get strong enough to stop his father.

#oops! no writing tag #tobirama senju #hashirama senju #naruto blog for nauruto things #this is inspired very much by that one comic where tbrm is like I behave like the perfect son so he will be surprised when i kill him #look i just. like the idea of the senju sibs being the ones who killed butusma #(sorrrry butsuma you are very easy to demonize for purposes such as these) #btw. tbrms reasoning for trying to defend hsrm like that is the same. to me #he sees hsrm fall. remembers who it was who sent his brothers out to die #(which is a line i wanted to include in hsrms perspective but couldn't figure out where) #and goes oh. actually the biggest threat to hashiramas life is butsuma. cant let That happen. maybe ill be self sacrificial about it #if i had the stones (ideas) id write a whole story about these two plotting to kill their dad #PS. ALSO. if tbrm and kawarma were twins do you wanna bet they got used as leverage against each other like this???? ARGH #oneshot