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mywritingonlyfans · 3 years

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One Shot with Ethan Torchio // It's a bit Fluffly, Smut and Angsty

prompt: in which, ethan always need/visit you when he's not in tour + casual sex(?) with ethan tying you up so you don't touch him i'm telling you this but isn't a hardcore smut

warnings: it's smut. a fluffly kinda sexy(?)maybe it's just sexy bc it's ethan smut ig fem!reader

(he is so hot. i'm crying all my tears, and that's fucking pathetic.)

Your head hurt, you knew your face was probably red due to your desire to go home and cry, but yet, your friends convinced you to go out for a drink. According to them nothing was too bad that a beer couldn’t improve, you doubted it.

Somehow, you found yourself happy to have accepted.

You didn’t know Ethan was back in town, you briefly wondered why you didn’t know, since he always contacted you when he was near (or at least that was what it seemed to be). Still, you were glad to see him. He was always able to make things better, even if only for a short period of time; which in your case was very short one as he wasn’t yours to have.

Ethan complemented your friends, they were all too familiar to him. He hugged you, giving a small kiss to your head while sitting next to you. Suddenly, you felt like a stronger drink would do you good.

It wasn’t hard to tell what was going to happen in the next few hours, after a couple of years going through that, you knew the time you spent together would always be the same. You guessed that you were able to put his head in place, just as he did with yours; and that's why he always came back to you. You'd never be able to tell if it was luck or mischance.

“Was it too hard to find me?” You asked him.

By now, your friends had moved to another corner. “I mean, I’m not complaining, I’m glad you did.” You offered him a weak smile. He did the same.

He looked tired, yet deadly cute.

He shuffled his chair closer to yours, letting his leg touch your bare knee. “Not really, Victoria said she called you in the morning, then told me that you intended to visit here for the night,” he mumbled, signaling to the bartender that he needed a beer, and so did you.

“She’s a gossip,” you wrinkled your nose, causing him to provide offer you a nasal laugh that you had learned to find lovely over the years. “But what has been happenin’ in your life lately? You’re good?” You tried to sound casual, but deep down you knew he wasn’t there entirely for you. Something was bothering him, he was looking for someone to rest on.

“Pretty much the same,” he sighed heavily. He wasn’t tired just physically. “We finished the last album, I feel exhausted.”

He looked at you like a lost puppy, watching your face, analyzing if you were in the mood to listen to him, or even if you were okay with having him around. After all, he came to you out of nowhere.

He’d never make you uncomfortable around him, maybe he hadn't noticed that yet. “C’mon, let it all out. I haven’t seen you for too many months for you to deprive me of the details.”

“If I tell you,” he pondered, “ you’ll tell me why you have a runny nose to match your watery eyes?” He poked your cheek, dragging his fingers so he could put some strands of hair back in place.

His seat was now so close to you that you'd be able to rest your head on his shoulder if you wanted to without creating any bodily discomfort.

“I guess life just hasn’t been all that gentle with me lately.” You giggled at him. “I lost my job last week, the same life shit is goin’ on as usual, and when I finally managed to move to a decent place, I’ll now be actually going back to sharin' apartment with strangers, because, y’know, I can’t afford bein’ in there anymore.”

Ethan was quiet for a while, you needed him more than he needed you. Listening to you made him realize how his worries were nothing at all. He knew that you didn't mind sharing an apartment with someone, but the loss of perspective was always tough.

Without further thinking, he pulled you to himself, fluffing your hair and holding you tight in his grip. You didn’t cry, yet it was possible to read your emotions. It was little, but Ethan knew you.

You took your head off his chest while he still had his arm around your waist. Taking a deep breath, you stared at your laced fingers, feeling it slow down. “I guess it’s all happenin’ at the same time, I’m just not sure how to handle it at the moment,” he held your face in his hand, his mouth close to yours as he ran his fingertips over your chin, until his lips were on you.

He was soft and wet, he had the same taste you still had etched in your mind, at that moment it seemed to be all you needed. He let go slowly, distributing pecks on the corners of your mouth, letting his forehead rest against yours.

You two stayed like that for a few minutes and you could bet that anyone who passed by could see how much of a fool you were for him. You tried not to think about it too much, it was better to have little of him than to have nothing. “Ethan?”

“Huh?” He murmured with his eyes closed, giving your lips a tickling sensation.

“Kiss me more,” and then he did. Ethan was holding you in place while your hands intertwined around his neck. You played with the chain of his necklace, savoring the touch of his tongue on yours, focusing only on him while pulling at his hair to hear his soft moans.

It didn’t take long for the bartender to come get your attention. You laughed nervously against him, you were embarrassed because you didn’t even remember where you were, still Ethan seemed untouchable about it. He wasn’t one to be embarrassed over small things like that, at least not with you. The bartender was quite irritated with the two of you and just now you noticed that your drinks had arrived and hadn’t even been touched; he was rightly pissed.

Ethan stood up, lifting you up with him. You looked in your pockets for your money, but then Ethan said it was okay and that he’d pay. You would argue, yet any money left over would be welcome. You held both beers in hand as he paid, thanking the old lady for the service, still feeling your skin burning with embarrassment, and then headed outside to wait for Ethan.

“Are you drivin’?” He asked, laughing at your state of awkwardness.

You bumped into his shoulder slightly, laughing along with him. “I am not, I’m living nearby,” you whispered as he put his hand inside your skirt pocket, bringing you to his side for a walk. “In the apartment that soon won’t be mine… how ‘bout you?”

“Not drivin’, I thought about staying somewhere to spend the night.”

He was close to home, but not that close, it would take about 3 hours to get to where he lives; it seemed plausible that he wanted to stay. “Are you only here because of me?” You risked asking.

“Yeah,” he took his hand out of your pocket and ran it through his hair. “I didn’t think it‘d be a bad idea.”

There was a silence, but it was far from being uncomfortable. “You know you can stay with me.”

——————-

Considering that you were in the process of moving to another place your house was a bit of a mess. Ethan wouldn’t be bothered by that, somehow your instinct of wanting things always in place - aka Monica from Friends - made you wander around the space in an attempt to make Ethan at home.

“What ‘bout the new album?” You asked, dragging one of the boxes away from him. It wouldn’t even bother anyone, but the thought that it would be in the middle of the room while someone was at your house bothered you.

“I don’t really know, I feel anxious about releasin’ it. It’s not that I don’t want to release it or am afraid of doing so, far from that, it's just, I don’t know… ” His voice fell silent, lost in his thoughts.

You turned to him, wanting to ask him what he had said, after all, that didn’t sound like Ethan, you felt as his hands touched your hips, pulling you on his lap. “Y'know I don’t care about your mess, right? Just, please, stop walkin’ 'round the house dragging boxes.” He said with his face close to your neck, hugging you from behind. His warm breath was in contact with your soft skin, providing heat to your body. Well, there was a minimal percentage chance that you were trying to make the place look good for Ethan, just because he made you a little nervous.

“Okay, fine. I’m fine,” you exhaled, turning to face him. He was smiling with his eyes almost closing; he still looked tired, but at least you were improving his mood. “You know you’re good at what you do, Ethan. You shouldn’t worry 'bout those things.” You held on to his shoulders, breaking something that could turn out to be a pity silence.

He squeezed your thigh at the same time as he laughed humorlessly at your words. “I know that. I guess that this is the short time they gave us to finish the album – it was drivin’ me crazy. The album isn’t bad, not at all, it’s honestly very good. Dami did a incredible job, still if it weren’t for the time it could have been even better. That’s crazy how I’m still letting myself get stressed over this, don’t you think?” He vented, moving his hands up your skirt.

“I know it’ll be good, I can’t think of anything you did that ended up bad!” You ran your fingers over his covered shoulders, down to his chest, going to the first open button of his t-shirt. “But if it’s just stress I can help you.”

He lubed his lips, nodding assiduously, putting you properly on top of him. That way, you were stuck to his body, feeling the rough of his jeans along with the zipper against your underwear. You gulped as he held your face, sealing your lips with his. You were relieved he always guided you through that; the leading up part was way better when it came from him.

You unbuttoned the rest of his shirt in middle of sloppy kisses and grips. Running your hand over his belly, tracing your fingers to the back of his neck while moving your hips lightly. You lugged on his hair, pulling him away to catch your breath. You opened your eyes to find Ethan with a deep pink mouth and brown eyes more intense than normal, at that moment you could have sworn that he was the most beautiful thing you had ever laid eyes on. You spread his shirt to the sides, sensing your body getting hotter, when Ethan smirked at your rush, managing to hold both of your hands behind you; stopping you in place.

“No need to rush, we have plenty of time,” he clenched you in his hands. You arched your back, breathing heavily at each touch of his fingers on your wrists.

He ran his nose over your neck, placing kisses and bites on the way to your collarbone, leaving wet tracks that would later turn into dark marks.

Your legs ached from that position, the couch wasn’t the best, but feeling Ethan getting hard under you as you writhed yourself against him, made you want to stay there for as long as he wanted you to. It was crazy to think that at the beginning of the day you were sure that the rest of it would be a pure disaster, and now being spoiled by Ethan’s lips your worries seemed to fade away.

Temporary as that would be, you were determined to give him your all, making his and yours next hours one of the best escapes from both of you. Unnecessary to say that you were lost in your own mind by now, craving for having his strands in-between your fingers, wanting him tugged into you furiously, causing you to ache. Your mouth was ajar, your vision was just white dots as he played with your sensitive skin, driving you insane. Ethan paralyzed when his grip became too strong around your fists and you got louder than usual.

“D’you like that?” He did it again, but this time pushing your body backward. He kept his devilish grin on his face, watching you from top to bottom. You bit your lips, containing your noises to yourself. Such an angel in his eyes. “Up, babe. I need to see something.” He didn’t let you answer, not as if he needed to. You stood up in front of him, legs shaking with your head definitely not in the right place. “Undress.” He rested his elbows on his knees.

His face was serious, and you didn’t see any problem in obeying his voice, but perhaps, due to the lack of his body being glued to yours, you couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it when I tell you what to do,” He caught you by the hem of your underwear, helping to take it off while you got rid of your blouse. “Especially, when I just got you off my lap, almost unconscious 'cause of some kisses to your soft neck, pet.” He added, drawing circles on the inside of your thigh, smoothly going up to your center.

You felt your breath come to a halt. “You’re just too bossy.” You teased, confirming that your breathing was faulty.

He patted his nose over the damp stain of the fabric, placing a kiss there. “And you love it.” He pecked you a few more times, teasing you by running his fingers on the edges as putting the cloth to the side; never touching you where you needed him.

Almost involuntarily you took hold of his hair, bringing him closer to your core. And then, you understood his previous question, it wasn’t just about not being able to touch him, but also about the power he was having over you.

He cut his actions short and got up, hovering over you. “Tonight, you won’t be allowed to touch me, all right?!” He whispered, tossing your hair behind your ear.

That’d be comical in any other situation, yet with his body and eyes fixed on your frame you felt in his domain.

You nodded, diving into the way he pulled at the hair on the nape of your neck firmly so that you were looking at him. “Go on, babe,” He insisted on having the words he wanted.

“Yes, it’s all right, Ethan,” it was far from all right, you couldn’t do that. How could you go without touching, making a mess of his hair or marking your nails on his back?

“That’s my girl,” he praised you in between sighs.

He was excited while your face was overflowing with nervousness; not out of fear, but out of curiosity. He finished removing his shirt and indicated with his fingers for you to lie down on the couch.

You shut your eyes tight, with his voice echoing 'my girl’ in your mind, Ethan was lugging your wrists above your head as you did what he told you to do. He tied them with his shirt. “Is this hurtin’ you? Are you comfortable?” He tightened it in a knot.

Your head and elbows were on the arm of the couch, only your hands were unsupported. Although you weren’t uncomfortable, it was to be expected that pain would appear the next day; it’d be worth it. “No, it’s fine. I’m good.” You assured him as he knelt beside the couch, running his hands down your torso, making you squirm.

He went down to the hem of your underwear, taking it off with the help of your legs kicking the lace away. “Good then,” he warbled, pattering lines on your pubic hair. “Needy and in your proper place.”

“Bastard,” you swore through clenched teeth.

He grinned, admiring how your breast rose and fell in a quick but punctual rhythm while your hips fidgeted at his touch. You looked like a piece of art he had just created, swollen lips, filled in lovely marks on the collarbone. He found himself in need to concentrate on his breathing while watching you, to control his pulse as he reached his fingertips to your pussy.

“Ethan” you breathed out, forcing your fists. “Go on, please,”

With that, he held your hands, forcing them down and slid a finger inside you. Your lips opened in a sigh and he took the opportunity to kiss you, running his tongue over your bottom lip and nipping it to his mouth, keeping things on a slow pace.

You wanted to hold his hand, make him go faster or be able to pull the locks of his hair until he understood how much you wanted him, but you had no way of doing that, and you knew he was just doing that to provoke you.

His lips traveled over your neck again, this time giving light kisses, blowing air on the soft fresh he had left in there.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he said without even opening his eyes, delighting in your skin as he sped up, now rubbing his thumb gently over your bud.

You whispered something almost inaudible that Ethan recognized as his name. He raised his head, coming face a face to you. “Right there, huh?” He asked, focusing on the spot that was blurring your vision.

You groaned. The satisfying delight running through your veins. You closed your legs, wishing you could hold on to his body, but all he did was laugh, shoving his fingers leisurely into you.

“No, no Ethan,” you looked at him properly, thinking that if you hadn’t been with your wrists tied you’d have slapped his chest.

He wiped his hand on your thigh, and stood up slipping his jeans down his legs along with his underwear. You sighed at him, stretching your arms, staring at the ceiling to disguise yourself. Not that it was necessary, Ethan was already too much of a show-off when it came to you for your liking.

“You good? How’s your arms?” He doubted, getting on top of you.

He had his hair damp, falling over the spots on his forehead. Some of his locks was glued to his chest and his golden pendant dangled in front of your eyes. For a split second, you though about saying that you missed him, but you were wise enough to know better than doing such a thing.

“If I say that I’m not good. Are you goin’ to untie me?”

He pressed his chest to yours, your body sticking to his since you were both sweaty.

“Not even a chance,” He stroked your neck with his thumb, up and down, with a silly look on his face.

You grunted as soon as you felt how solid hard he was against your thigh, he aligned himself in-between your knees, holding on to your shoulders, and without hesitation he filled you up. Your body tingled and your voice failed, causing a silent moan to slip from your lips. His head fell over the crook of your neck and you could feel how dysrhythmic his breathing was. His warm body along with his breath hitting on your neck added a pleasant feeling in your stomach, leaving you dizzy under him.

“Move Ethan,” you tried to sound understandable, embracing his waist with your legs.

He thrusted deeply in you, leaving a breathed sigh of relief in your ears. You stretched out your arms, tightening your thighs around him. He held the shirt in your hands, preventing it from coming loose.

“No, I wanna touch you,” you whined.

“You will, just be patient, babe,” he squeezed your wrists in his hand.

Closing your eyes, you enjoyed the way his body was over yours, every movement and every delicate touch.

He went slowly at first, making sure you were taking all of him before going faster. Once he felt your walls clenching around him, he murmured a breathless 'fuck’, letting go of your hands so that you could finally feel him. You dug your nails into his back, kneading your body against his at the same time as he hugged you.

As you opened your eyes, he was already looking at you, with an intense gaze, building you up to feel sexy and wanted.

Both of you were a mess; sweaty and sticky. You felt a tingling ecstasy take all over your body, your toes twitching as you emptied yourself into him. He kept working on you until his body collapsed into yours, filling you up to perfection.

The last thing you remembered was having your fingers entwined in his hair, patting at it slightly as he whispered sweet nothing against your skin; just like a lullaby.

———–-------

You woke up to the noise of the television, trying to adjust your vision to the brightness of the daylight. Failing to stretch, you felt how sore your body was.

Your eyes searched for Ethan, finding him sitting opposite to you with a lazy smile and a cup of tea in hands, his attention was all on you. Friends was playing on the television, but you doubted he was really watching it.

“Good mornin’ babe,” his husky voice echoed through the room. It was the best thing to hear in the morning. “How’s it? Hurtin’?” He asked when you started examining your marked wrists.

He was fully dressed and although you weren’t, he had managed to get a sheet to cover you.

“Good mornin’. It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt,” you mumbled, scratching your eyes, curling up on the sheet. “How long will you be stayin’ in town?”

“Not long,” he paused thoughtfully. You already expected that he wouldn’t be with you for long, still sometimes you liked to think that it’d last longer than just a few days before he disappeared to another continent. “I need to go home in a few minutes, I’m going to take a flight at night to adjust the final details of the album.”

“Sounds nice,” you wanted to have the courage to tell him how he made things in your life look just right, as if he were some kind of piece missing from your puzzle. “I can’t wait to hear it, hear what your great fingers are capable of.” You ignored your thoughts. He laughed.

However, you truly believed that not saying anything was a wise move.

He lifted a cup from one of the boxes next to him, holding it out to you. “I made one for you too, I hope you don’t mind.”

You didn’t mind it, in fact, you loved the way he made himself at home so quickly. The home that soon wouldn’t be yours anymore. You wished Ethan could remedy your worries for more than just one night.

“Thank you,” you took the still warm drink in your hands, looking at him as if he were part of your decor. “You can smoke in here, I don’t mind that either,” you spoke up. You couldn’t even imagine that he’d have gone without lighting a cigarette all morning.

“The place is all clean, and smells nice. I bet you never lit one yourself, I wouldn’t do that.” He was right.

“Well, y'know that I don’t care about the smell, I just don’t see the need to leave the house impregnated with it.” You explained, remembering that Ethan’s house was a perfect description of that smell, yet you loved his place.

“I know this is going to sound strange,” he started. “But if you can’t find a place in time to live in… you can stay at mine, I mean, you know I am never home and as I’ll be travelin’ you could make yourself at home.”

He said it casually, and you knew he wasn’t lying, if you wanted to he wouldn't even think twice about letting you stay at his.

“No need, I’ll be fine. I do appreciate it though.” you took a sip of your now cold drink.

He bobbed, checking what you thought could be the time on his phone.

“You have to go, I guess?” You asked, your soft voice revealing you didn’t want that.

“I need to,” he gave you a small smile, getting up. “It’s gettin’ a bit late for me.”

“I see,” you went to him, adjusting the sheet on your body, feeling ridiculous for still being undressed. “I guess I’ll see you, right?” You added it while he picked up your stuff on the couch; keys, wallet and the pack of cigarettes. There was no answer for your question.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, heading to the door. “You could come and visit, spend a few days with us. It’d be nice.”

“On tour? Like a groupie?” You wrinkled your nose. His arms wrapping around you. You’d miss it.

He squeezed you into his chest, his tiny beard tickling your cheek. “You know you are much more than just a groupie for me, Y/N.”

You didn’t answer that. He pulled away and for a second you thought he was going to kiss you, but he didn’t.

“See ya Y/N,” instead, he kissed the top of your head. “Think about it, both about comin’ to visit and also about needing a place to stay for a while.”

“I’m sure I will, thank you Ethan,” you watched him, from his rumpled shirt to dark circles under his eyes. He’d always have a special space in your heart. “I guess I’ll see ya then.”

>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<

taglist ( 'cause someone actually wanted to be tagged, i didn't even force anyone😁): @maybanksslut , @oro-e-diamanti

#maneskin #ethan torchio #ethan torchio smut #ethan torchio x reader #ethan torchio imagines #ethan torchio fanfic #ethan torchio fluffly #writing #maneskin x reader #imagines #fiction #fanfic #damiano david #måneskin

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ficsandgiggles · 3 years

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Difficult Day, Giggly Night

I am dedicating this fic to my big sister @pegasusflight77 because she’s had a rough day and she deserves all the love and positive vibes. I hope you enjoy, and thank you for being such a ray of sunshine in my life! 💗

(Please excuse the mess of this fic, it’s not edited or proof read bc I’m kinda still going through things myself, but I wanted to write something!)

“Ugh.” You groaned as you stormed through the door and slammed it shut, throwing your bags down and storming straight up to your room, grunting at Wanda who tried to greet you softly.

Wanda looked over at Nat, concerned as she heard you slam your door shut. “I’m guessing it was another rough day at work…” Nat told Wanda quietly, looking over at your bag which was dumped on the floor. She reached in and grabbed your phone, looking at Wanda. “Shall we go and check on them?” She asked quietly, hearing your wardrobe slam shut whilst you were changing out of your work uniform.

Wanda nodded and headed up to your room, giving Nat a look before knocking on your door, hearing a grunt in response, but Wanda took that as a sign to open the door, heading inside as Nat followed, handing you your phone.

“Hey, tough day?” Nat asked gently as she sat down on your bed, handing you your phone as she put a hand on your arm gently as Wanda sat on the floor next to your bed.

You nodded silently in response, curling up on the bed as you took your phone from Nat, relaxing a little as you felt Nat’s hand on your arm, it was a simple yet comforting gesture.

“Anything you want to talk about?” Wanda offered gently as she tried to turn your head so you could face her, but you buried your face into the pillow, shaking your head in response.

The three of you remained there in a comfortable silence, but the silence was quick to take over you, and you tensed up whilst pretty much let your thoughts drown you. However, Nat could tell that something was up, and began spidering her fingers up and down your back in an attempt to relax you. “We’re here for you, Y/N, no matter what.” Wanda whispered gently, joining in and running her fingers through your hair, feeling you sink into the pillow slightly.

Another silence brushed across you, but you weren’t sure if you liked it or not, but there was no way you were going to talk about the day you had because you knew they’d go and find the people who bullied you at work and go on a killing spree, and as much as you hated being picked on, you didn’t want anyone to get hurt.

The uncomfortable silence didn’t last for long as you felt Nat’s nails lightly brush against your side, you didn’t expect the motion, so you flinched a little and bit back a tiny gasp. You turned your head to see Wanda look up at Nat with a small smile on her face, as if she was exchanging a silent conversation with her.

“I think we know what to do to cheer you up…” Wanda murmured quietly as she crawled her fingers towards your ribs. “Are you ticklish, Y/N?” She asked quietly, but didn’t give you time to answer as she gently scribbled her fingers into your ribs. Nat smirked and Wanda’s eagerness to attack you and joined in by gently skittering her nails up and down your sides, looking down at you as you broke into hysterical giggles.

“I’m guessing that’s a yes.” Nat smirked fondly, giggling and watching as you buried your face into your pillow. You shook your head in response as you tried to slam your arms down to against your sides in an attempt to bat their hands away.

“No? But you’re giggling!” Wanda smirked a little, as she tried to gently scribble under your arms. “And it’s sooooo cute!” She added, smiling as she watched you giggle hysterically, which was a change compared to how you were earlier, and it made her and Nat feel relieved.

The two kept gently attacking your ribs and sides, and didn’t notice that Yelena was peering through the doorway to watch what was going on, she had heard you slam the door and was going to check on you.

As Nat kept scribbling in, she caught her sister in the corner of her eye. She paused her attack for a second and looked over at Yelena. “Hey, is everything okay?” She asked, smiling as she still heard your giggles since Wanda was squeezing rapidly into your sides.

“I heard Y/N’s door slam and I got concerned. But I can see that everything is okay.” Yelena replied as she stepped back for a moment, but Nat smirked and put a hand on her shoulder. “Come join us, we’re just cheering Y/N up.” She replied casually.

Soon enough, Wanda, Nat and Yelena were sat on your bed, Wanda had turned you over and dragged you gently onto her lap, holding your hands gently away from you before giving Nat and Yelena a smirk.

“Wait, nonono-“ you gasp, looking over between Nat and Yelena nervously as they slowly moved their fingers towards you, Nat was heading towards your upper body and Yelena was moving towards your legs and feet.

There was a short pause before you quickly burst into hysterical giggles. Nat’s fingers quickly skittered up your top and into your belly whilst Yelena squeezed into your knees, making you squeal and arch your back away from Wanda’s lap. “NOHOHOHO!” You yelp out, trying to twist away as the spy sisters attack you gently, smiling at your giggling self. You heard Wanda coo fondly blow a tiny raspberry into your neck.

“Aw, but you’re so cute!” Wanda smiled fondly as you saw Nat giggle along with you, scribbling into the middle of your belly to really make you giggle. “Yeah Y/N, how else would we cheer you up?” She asked casually.

You shrugged, squealing with laughter as you felt Yelena squeeze just above your knee. “It seems that this is the only solution.” She told you casually, holding your leg down gently as she kept squeezing, making sure you couldn’t move.

“NOHOHOHO IT REHEHEHEALLY ISNT!” You protest, trying to pout, but you couldn’t help but continue to squeal with laughter, you were way too ticklish to not react to this torture. You would never admit it, but this was taking your mind off today’s events, and you were actually having fun. Nat and Wanda had tickled you before, to distract you from doing some uni work, but never as full on as this. You remembered thinking that you wouldn’t hate it if they done this again, and thankfully, your secret wish came true, and you are loving it.

“Y/N, you’re so cute but you’re so ticklish it’s ridiculous.” Wanda smirked fondly as she nuzzled her face into your neck, all the while Yelena made herself at home near your feet, scratching up and down your soles gently as Nat gently scribbled up and down your sides.

You were in ticklish heaven, you had basically slid off Wanda’s lap at this point, and you didn’t even notice that she had let your hands go, you felt pinned anyway, as if your own laughter was holding you down.

Soon enough though, the three of them exchanged looks and let you go, smiling as you collapsed into a fit of giggles, you curled up and took in deep breaths in an attempt to recover.

“Feel better?” Nat asked as she rested her hand on your arm, you nodded in response and relaxed into the gentle comforting motion once again after being convinced that Nat wasn’t going to attack you again. You loved it, but you needed a break for now.

“Yeah… thanks guys…” you reply, sitting up after you recovered and leaning your head on Wanda’s shoulder. Nat pulled Yelena close and cuddled into you and Wanda.

“You’re welcome, Y/N. The four of us have each other’s backs, always.” Yelena reassured you. Despite not being a part of the team for long, she was quickly welcomed as a member of the family, and was determined to share the same love to you as she got from the others.

“Now, I think we need a movie night.” Nat suggested, and the three of you nodded eagerly, and got up to head towards the lounge.

So for the rest of the night, the four of you were snuggled up together, watching all of your favourite films. You noticed that you got the occasional side squeeze whenever you were physically or mentally drifting away, but you didn’t complain. You felt comfortable with these women, and for that, you were forever grateful.

#avengers tickle #avengers tickle fic #mcu tickle #mcu tickle fic #marvel tickle #marvel tickle fic #ticklish!reader #ler!nat #ler!wanda #ler!yelena

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tloujm · 3 years

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Part XXVI: Giving Grief

Author’s Notes: This is the first chapter I’ve posted in months (literally since April). I don’t know if this is a full comeback. I have a few chapters in the drafts that need to be edited and formatted for posting but after that, I still plan on continuing the series bc my plan was always have a long fic. With no new content after part II of the game was released, my interest in the fandom waned but was always there. Now with HBO creating a show based off the game, as well as me being apart of the Pedro Pascal fandom, I think I will soon become more consistent in posting as new content gets released. I will say that at least half of what appeals to me for Joel is Troy Baker’s voice and while I love Pedro’s voice too, I know it won’t be the same. I still think Pedro will do the voice justice bc he can do a damn fine country accent as seen in the movie Prospect on Netflix. If you’re a fan of his and have Netflix, please go watch it!

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Summary: You and Joel reconcile and bond over Ellie and Sarah.

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Joel waited for you to come home. He paced back and forth in the kitchen switching from holding the card and setting it down on the counter. He was eager to talk to you about this new revelation partly because he was nervous to have the other conversation with you. After a while of calming his nerves down, you still hadn’t come home. The sun had set an hour ago and Joel was ready to throw on his boots and go looking for you.

Just as he laced them up, the front door opened. You walked in and immediately stopped because his body blocked you from walking in the house further.

“Going somewhere?” You asked as you slid past him. He was a grown man and could do what he wanted, but the thought of him leaving to go do other things before the issue between you was resolved upset you.

He reached back down to unlace his boots. “Not anymore. I was ‘bout to head out and find you.”

“Why?” You asked dryly.

“I’d been waiting on you to come home for a couple of hours. We gotta talk.”

“You’re right, we do. I was helping Wendy walk the kids home from the daycare; that’s what held me up. I’m here now, though.” You leaned against the back of the couch and crossed your arms. The stance you took reminded you of what Joel would do.

He walked into the kitchen and came back. “Kiddo made this for us.”

You took it in your hands. “When did she have time to make this?” He shrugged. Your fingers brushed across the drawing of the hat before finally opening it. “Oh my God.” She looked at you for a split second before looking back down at her signature. “Her name has been ‘Ellie’ the whole time.”

“I know.” He commented.

“She never said anything. All of us have asked her.”

“Technically, she still hasn’t spoken her name, but I guess she wasn’t ready for that.”

“She wasn’t ready to let anybody in.” You said. He nodded in agreement.

“Until now.” He walked up to you and pointed to her name on the card. “She’s doing so good, this Ellie. I can only try to imagine the horrors that she’s seen out in the world before she came to Jackson, but whatever happened out there, it led her to us. I’m...It’s just nice to see her opening up to this place.”

You understood what he was trying to say. “Yeah, I’m proud of her too.” You walked past him and into the kitchen to hang the card on the refrigerator. Joel followed. This time, his arms were crossed.

“(Y/N), I meant it when I said I was sorry back there. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it.” You rebutted.

“I was upset with you because I expected you to react the same as me when Ellie climbed up that T-Rex, but I don’t want a carbon copy of myself. I love you and want to have a family with you because you are wise beyond your years, confident even if you don’t always think so, responsible even for things that aren’t your responsibility and most importantly, you’re level headedness. Where I have a tendency to lose my cool in certain situations, you are guided by this calm...patient sense of will that I envy.” He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, giving you the opportunity to say something. Seeing that you were still soaking in his words, he continued. “You’ll be a great mother. I saw it in the gentle way you juggled all those kids at the daycare. I saw it in the way you took care of Ellie the first day she came here. You’ll see though, if it’s meant for us to have a baby, how difficult it is to stop worrying. It didn’t stop when Sarah....even when I tried to push those feelings away. It doesn’t stop. I know she’s not her, but it’s hard for me to just stand by and watch her do something that could hurt her.”

“I wasn’t standing by, or at least that wasn’t my intention. I wanted to give her space. She’s so delicate, or maybe that’s my problem. I shouldn’t treat her like she’s some glass figurine. I just wanted her to grow comfortable with us by trusting her. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to do when there was nothing personally for me to go off of, but then I thought, she’s lived out there for God knows how long by herself. She’s not only seen things but has been able to survive things. It’s hard to see how clever someone is when they won’t let you in, but I knew she had to be to have made it this far. I get it though. I’ve never been a parent. I can only sympathize with your worries. I can not empathize with you until I’ve been where you have. I’m sorry too. I could have found a way to give her space without allowing her to be in such a dangerous spot. You must be disappointed in me.”

He moved up to you and placed his hands on your shoulder. “I’m not. Look at me. I’m not disappointed in you. She was both of our responsibilities earlier.” He brought you into a tight hug. “You’re right, she is smart. She felt comfortable enough to show a side of herself that no one else has seen. You know why? ‘Cause she felt safe around us. Despite the grief she put me through, it was nice to see her so happy.”

“I know it was, wasn’t it? I can’t believe she jumped though! I didn’t think she’d go that far.”

“At the end of the day, kids will be kids. It’s not an excuse to slack off on raising ‘em, but there's just a certain wild and carefree nature that every kid has. It’s instilled in their DNA or somethin’ and then it fades away as they get older, about the time their back starts to ache.” Joel chuckled as he explained. He kissed the top of your head before pulling away to get a good look at you. He made a face as if to ask if you were ok. You nodded. He took your hand and pulled you into the living room. You sat down next to him. “She reminds me of Sarah sometimes. Ellie’s about the same age as her. She ran me through the ringer, raising that one.” He chuckled at the memories. “I wouldn’t trade it in for the world, being her dad, but you shoulda seen the amount of grief she put me through. Especially being a single parent.” He wiped his hand across his face, letting it linger along the length of his neck. “One time, she snuck off to some skate park when I told her no. She was in this skateboarding phase. I bought her a customized skateboard for her birthday and she would practice using it up and down the driveway. She had barely learned that little flippy trick when she asked me to take her to the skate park. I told her no because it looked like it was for experienced skaters. I wanted her to practice more first. To say the least, she was mad at me. She told me she was staying after school for the science club, but she really went to the skate park with some friends. By the time I figured out where she was, I found her lying in the grass, holding her arm in pain. Turned out she had a hairline fracture in her...radius?” He pointed to the bone on his arm. You nodded that it was in fact called radius. “I grounded her for lying to me, but sometimes I wonder if I should have taken her to the park. I mean I’m no expert on skateboarding, but at least I could have been there to supervise; make sure she wasn’t on one of those tough looking ramps.”

“Did you ever take her skateboarding after she healed up?”

“After the cast came off, she switched interests to soccer. I installed a shelf on one of her walls to hang the skateboard on. Better that than being stuffed under her bed. Soccer was her life though. She made new friends from the team, won titles, learned tricks with the ball. Me and Tommy were regulars at her games. I was...am proud of her.”

You smiled as you envisioned his memories. “Did she give you grief with that as well?”

He nodded in an exaggerated way. “Oh yeah, but I’m sure I used to give her grief too.” You lifted your eyebrows with desire for him to elaborate. “I may or may not have argued with the coach and ref on a few occasions regarding plays.”

“You never dated any of the soccer moms?” You teased.

He scoffed. “Most of them were married and the ones who weren’t, I sent Tommy’s way instead. He wasn’t mad at it.” The two of you chuckled. “I did flirt with a few, married or not, so I could get my hands on some of their homemade baked goods.”

“I was under the assumption that soccer moms made food for everyone.”

“They did, but I still wanted a few more cupcakes for the ride home.” He admitted as you laughed. “Listen, I had a busy life. I didn’t have much time to hone my baking skills, so it was nice to be able to have homemade cakes and cookies for a change.

“Well, if you wanted cookies, that’s all you had to say! I can show you how to bake right now.”

“It’s late.” He reasoned.

“It’s never too late to feed your sweet tooth.” You rebutted as you pulled him back into the kitchen.

#TLOU #TLOU2 #TLOUII #the last of us #the last of us joel #the last of us fanfic #The Last of Us 2 #the last of us fanfiction #tlou ellie #tlou joel #tlou fanfiction #tlou oc #naughty dog #Joel Miller #joel x reader #joel miller fanfic #Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

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bluebuckstallion · 3 years

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the sun will rise again - mlp fic p2

part one contents: aj and big mac are like. 13 and 15. big mac realizes she is a trans woman, and is guided by applejack, but there is much more to it than just that lol. its also a little hard for her. sappy, feel-good, tough internal conflict but overall happy fic. paragraph one is previewed here, the rest is below the cut! disclaimer: there is no transphobia in this fic lmao im not gonna write abt horse transphobia. this is a feel good. but cw for fear of outing (note: i am aware my blog makes posts a little hard to read bc of a glitch, i am trying to fix it at the moment, i apologize D: i rec reading it on tumblr mobile or highlighting the words as you read, im sorry!) paragraph one: The wind whispered lovingly, cooling little Big Mac and Applejack's drowsy heads. A time like this in a young pony's life can be very confusing, something the two of them had grown to be very familiar with. Applejack rested his backside against the trunk of one of his family's old apple trees, if they had no where else to take solace, at least they had the orchard and each other's company, he thought. It felt nice, having this little secret kept safe by somepony you knew would protect it, and who still cared about you just the same. "If nopony accepts us, at least we have each other. I don't care if it's just you and me, Big Mac, we'll be jus' fine." Applejack stated in a soft voice, breaking the silence. He was accepting of his circumstances, no matter how they turned out. As long as him and his sister ended up okay. And again, he was sure they would. Big Mac smiled and folded her hooves neatly, "Eeyup."

Applejack worked his fluffy hooves through Big Mac's mane, doing his absolute best to make the fine ginger hair into a braid. He wanted to do something nice for his sister, something to celebrate her bravery and courage in realizing - and telling - Applejack, and he wanted her to feel nice in her own body, even if she couldn't change much right now, or for a while. No matter how small the act, Big Mac was especially grateful. Nobody had ever treated her like this, on purpose at least, like she was a mare. And every chance Applejack could sieze he would do just that, remind her that was what, *who* she was. "So, Big Mac, what do you reckon I call you now?" With that her eyes widened, and her brows furrowed, it caught her off guard. "Like...my name? I didn't know I could change my name..." she let out, slightly confused, a tender hoof raising to her chin as she thought hard. "Yeah!" AJ beamed, not straying from his tedious work. Big Mac, still lying down, started shuffling her hooves again. "Well... I always thought if I were a girl my name would be something pretty, which I mean, I am a girl and all, but I don't feel very pretty ever," she admitted disheartened. "You're plenty pretty! You're an Apple! You wouldn't say Ma or Granny wasn't pretty, would you?" Applejack pointed out, gesturing absentmindedly in the air with his hooves, then promptly returning back to his work, being sure to keep a steady hoof. "Well... Nope." Big Mac blurted awkwardly, pursing her lips. "But-" she began. "No 'but's'!" Applejack interjected, "You're an Apple, and a dang pretty one!" Applejack closed his eyes and lifted his head proudly, putting his non-dominant hoof against his puffed chest, "Look at me, I'm an Apple and I'd say I'm awful handsome, just like Pa!" he said with an endearing foal-like passion and certainty. He chuckled, his cheeks growing slightly cherry as he let out a tiny chuckle, and got back to his work, about a quarter way down the locks. Big Mac grinned slightly, "I suppose," and tapped her hooves together shyly, playing with the grass falling between them. "You know, I always did think my mane was a little long for a stallion," she laughed playfully, diverting from the subject and trying to reassure herself. She went to touch her mane, and was swiftly batted away by Applejack's quick hoof, "Nuh-uh Big Mac, I'm workin' here. Don't go touchin' it now," he said sternly but still non-maliciously. He just wanted it to look perfect for his big sister, he wanted her to be proud, and feel as pretty as she could. Applejack wanted to know how it felt to look pretty, too, but in the way he'd always dreamed of. He wondered often if he'd ever get the blessing of such a wonderful feeling. "Applejack, do you ever wish you were born a colt?" Big mac asked genuinely, still a little unsure of what Applejack was feeling, but knowing there was solidarity in it somewhere, she just had to understand it a little more. "Well - not really," Applejack spat out, his eyes looking away from his busy hooves, and quickly darting back to them before he drifted off in fantasy. He thought about it for a second, and still felt strange. "I wasn't really born a filly or a colt... or anything, I think, I was just born me. And I wouldn't really have it any other way. Sure, I mean, maybe I'd like shorter hair or somethin', or a uh," he struggled to find the words in his young foal vocabulary, "maybe if my nose was a little more colt-ish I'd be happy. But I think I'm pretty happy with me now. I do hope when I'm older my voice is a little better, though. I can't really do much though," he sighed dismissively. He continued, "I don't ever really feel too bad about who I am... I think I just feel happy about who I am. When I see myself as not a colt and not a filly, just a foal, a pony, it makes me real happy-like. But, I don't get too sad unless people are real serious about calling me a filly. I do get sad sometimes though, when I look too much like a filly to other people..." As Applejack placed an orchard blossom in Big Mac's hair, tucked snug and safe behind her ear, a thought went through Big Mac's head. "Applejack!" she jumped up, the rush of movement startling him, who was so concentrated seconds prior. "Let's give you a haircut! It'll be like how you braided my hair for me, we can cut yours!" Applejack nervously rubbed his elbow, then raising his hoof lightly beneath his muzzle, and he began to sweat. "Well, I, what if Ma and Pa don't like it?" Big Mac thought hard as Applejack grimaced, "Well, we can hide it with one of Pa's hats, an' I'm sure they won't mind," she suggested happily. Applejack considered briefly, just for a moment, the downsides of it all. He then immediately turned them all away and smiled so hard his eyes shut, stomping his front hooves against the ground up and down, "Okay, let's do it Big Mac!" As they galloped back to the barn, Applejack had suddenly realized he was so surprised with how much Big Mac had been talking, she never seemed so excited to talk about anything, and he realized how much this all meant to her. It meant a lot to him, too. Especially that his sister was so supportive while still knowing so little, but in her defense, he didn't know much either. It was a very special feeling, he thought to himself, very pleased. They skidded to a halt clumsily as they reached the doors to the barn. Foal-ishly peeking through the front windows, they realized it was only Granny and baby Bloom home, their parents must be out. They looked at each other, grinning, and cantered to the back, sneaking inside through the back door. When they made it to the bathroom, Applejack noted Big Mac looked a little worn out, wearing a tired look on her face. She figured all this chattiness probably made her sister a little exhausted. He shot a reassuring patended Sibling glance at her telling her all she needed to know, not needing words. Big Mac let out a gentle smile. She helped her little brother reach the cabinet above the sink, reaching the scissors that were so high up it took them both working together to reach. Applejack had a slight doubt in his mind, his parents probably didn't want him touching the scissors by himself, did they? But he had his big sister with him, and it had to be done! Nopony else would, and only they understood. Applejack balanced shakily with two hooves on Big Mac's back, warily reaching one back hoof up onto the sink, as he balanced with his two front hooves against the edge of the cabinet. He grasped the scissors between his teeth, and brashly jumped down, just barely missing a potential accident, even though they both knew better than to jump around with scissors, they threw caution to the wind regardless. Applejack happily put his front hooves on the rim of the sink, tapping them and bopping his little head, he looked at his big sister, who began working at his hair. Big Mac chopped with a great lack of care, playfully snipping one strand then the next. Applejack beamed the whole time, simply happy to have it happen, plan or not. Big Mac frequently spun around him, balancing on three hooves and sometimes getting in so close that she held his face with one hoof, his hair with another, and cut with the scissors firm in her mouth. Applejack's body relaxed completely and was kicking and rearing with every cut, wiggling and happily holding his front hooves together and constantly swishing his head from side to side to check how it looked, one side fell to his muzzle, and the other to his chin. He smiled bigger than ever before. With the final snip, Big Mac dropped the scissors carelessly to the tile below. She gently grasped Applejack's chin and turned her sibling's head forward to face the mirror, and his mouth immediately fell agape, his jaw slack, and his eyes slowly widening with the purest joy there ever was. He cupped his hooves to his mouth, removing them, turning his head to the side, and then fixing himself and putting his hooves to his open mouth once again. He felt a soft tug in his throat and his chest, and he couldn't control the watering in his eyes, "Big Mac!!" his voice cracked. "Yes Applejack?" the filly said apprehensively, fearing that she had done something wrong. "Oh Big Mac, oh my gosh I love it so so much!!" He bucked and whinnied, spinning in circles, his once-flowing tail too short to trip over now, and the euphoria of it all was the most overwhelming emotion little Applejack had ever felt. The tugging became so immense he couldn't ignore it, and he acknowledged it by leaping onto Big Mac with a hearty hug, squeezing her tight as his little arms could, and he rubbed his muzzle into her neck. Big Mac politely pushed her hoof between her neck and AJ's hoof, making sure he didn't squeeze too tight, struggling slightly to breathe. This foal was definitely a strong one. "Thank you so much big sis!!! I feel so great!!" he neighed, stepping back, one hoof raised wiping his immense wave of tears. The feeling of euphoria shot through his body in a rush, showing itself in the form of a tiny but powerful hop, as he lifted his legs into the air and threw them around. Applejack rushed back to the mirror, urging Big Mac to come look as well, as she didn't quite see herself yet with her hair "done all proper-like." Big Mac's face became pale, as she felt the rush of a thousand different emotions. The paranoia became astounding again, what if she didn't like how she looked as a filly? What if she still didn't feel right? What if it wasn't - Her thoughts were abruptly cut short by Applejack tugging her over, knowing her sister just sometimes needed a push in the right direction. "Lookie Big Mac!!" he placed his arm cheerfully around her, wrapping it over her back. Big Mac's eyes were glued shut, and she only bashfully peeked one eye open because curiosity would've ate her alive otherwise, and deep down she knew she had to see herself eventually. She uncovered her hoof from her eye, and opened both of them slowly. Her mouth opened ever so slightly, and she wasn't even aware she had stopped breathing, her eyes fluttered up and down the braided locks, along with her heart, and her eyes landed on the blossom in her ear. She couldn't speak, her throat clogged up from such elation. She felt the choking once again, but it wasn't like before, this feeling was quite welcoming actually. It rushed from her throat up to her head, and took her breath away. The sobbing ebbed at her cheeks right away, and she turned to look at her brother. As they spoke with lack of words, they stared with inordinate graditude. As Big Mac smoothly turned back to the mirror, Applejack stomped all his hooves again, one after the other with no apparent order or care, shaking his head in a frenzy as his ears twitched and he smiled a mile wide. He finally felt *pretty.* Big Mac watched herself adoringly, for the first time ever, and felt this acceptance and understanding of herself coursing through her veins with a confidence she'd never had. She blushed, and her ears fell downward, a small smile creeping onto her face. "Applejack," she whispered softly, as if she were too worried the world would hear her secrets. Applejack peered closer with wide, curious eyes, "Yeah Big Mac?" he whispered back. "My name.." she mumbled. Applejack raised his eyebrows, captivated, as Big Mac slowly lifted her hoof to the blossom behind her ear. "Blossom?" Applejack stated inquisitively, before Big Mac could shake her head AJ corrected himself, "Orchard Blossom!" he exlaimed, leaning back and jumping in the air, "Oh big sis, that's so pretty!! I love it so much!!" Orchard Blossom nervously gestured for him to keep it down, as he was prone to being unaware of his volume control. Applejack embarassedly covered his mouth with a shy smile, "Oops, sorry big sis." he cleared his throat, "Orchard Blossom!!" he yell-whispered, the excitement shining through him, he stamped his tiny hooves and clapped them together in celebration. "That's so pretty, Orchard Blossom!" Applejack told her earnestly, loving the new name. "I don't think I want a new name, but I'm really happy ya found one you like!" "Orchard Blossom, Orchard Blossom, Orchard Blossom!" Applejack repeated, playfully prancing in circles, excited by the sight of his short tail, he spun even faster. "What's all that commotion in there? Applejack? Big Mac? Are ya in there?" they heard through the shut door, hoofsteps gradually approaching, painstakingly slow but steady. Both of them felt their hearts drop from their chest as they froze, unable to even fathom moving. How would they explain any of this? Applejack hurried to clean up desperately, brushing the hair together with his hooves, coldly sweating from his brow as he frantically hurried to remove any evidence. He stopped mid-sweep to quickly shove his father's hat on his head, which slumped immediately and blocked his vision. "Oh dangit Blossom, Pa's hat's too big! I can't see!!" Orchard Blossom was still unmoving, sheer panic stopping her very breaths. Applejack felt the tugging in his throat rise up again as he began whimpering.

#applejack mlp #big mac mlp #mlp fanfic #mlp fic #mlp writing #mlp au #mlp #applejack #big mac #trans applejack #trans big mac #my little pony #lesbian applejack #lesbian big mac #orchard blossom #trans au #the sun will rise again

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kaepopsicle · 3 years

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一𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓

〄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐃𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 *𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠* 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 <𝟑𝟑𝟑

𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐜 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝟓 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐬/𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬....

i won’t make this all sappy,,, just kidding I will. so I know this year has been tough. for everyone. but I’m so proud of you for making it this long! it’s over! of course the pain doesn’t stop just bc the year is over,, but you know now that you can get through it !! I’m happy you’re still here :) — I feel like us as human beings have grown so much (I know me personally) have definitely grown and found myself more,, realized what I love, stand for, support. I hope you all have too!! I met some amazing people in this app, not even going to lie these lovelies have made me feel so much more complete. and I’m blessed to have met them...

一@sarahbkwl ♥︎

im 100% going to cry,, Sarah bear.. I can’t even describe how much you mean to me, right off the bat we just connected, the compliment battles, the random memes, the group chat name changes, you just understood me, which is rare bc I never felt understood in my life, I always felt like the awkward weird kid. I had friends I guess but I don’t think they were actually my friends, but you. you’re my true friend. someone I know I’m going to be friends with for a long time. I can’t wait to be able to see you!! You just make life a little bit easier to live, your adorable smile and your contagious laugh; I can’t help but giggle when you send your cute random pictures;; not to mention you’re absolutely gorgeous !! like literally you’re so hot okay. jfc. ten needs to come wife you up before I do ;) anyway I know the past couple weeks have been hard for you, but I’m so proud of you 🥺 you’re so strong. Now this is way too long so Gerald ... peace ✌️

一@rr0zu ☾

my moon !!! you are probably the most intelligent and strong woman i have ever met, you have been through so much stress this year but you made it, bc I knew you would; you’re practically glowing my love. you’re not only beautiful on the outside but on the inside, your need to obtain justice for the less fortunate is just amazing,, we need more people like you ,, you already know how I feel, I looked outside the other day ; and the moon was out, it was the only thing shining in the night sky. which is how you are in others lives, you just shine and light them up, making everyone’s day. 🥺 this will get way too long if I don’t stop but I just love you so much

一@babyyangx2-again ❦

*sobs* my paper clip, omg remember when we first met? I was your 🌻anon ?? and I kept flirting with you bc I’m literally Johnny, anyway your writing is literally the best, you’re literally the best, you’re my bestie 🥺 I’m so lucky to have met you, you just make me so happy and laugh so hard, we’re so chaotic but so perfect for each other; I know I’m a little forgetful and clingy but I love you ,, you know I do; you’re so kind, even though you think you’re not ; you are babe. you do little things for people , you care so much about making others happy, and that right there is an absolutely amazing trait. you’re that euphoric breeze, we you step outside, the beautiful trees blowing; the gorgeous smell of the flowers, just that happy feeling, that’s what you make me feel like.

一@starrdustville ♡︎

my flower !!!!!!!!!! Ishdjskdk my gorgeous flower, the one flower that I would pick in the field bc it was the prettiest, I would keep it as a dry flower and leave it in my favorite poetry book. so that when i read it, I’ll always think of you, you make me so happy with your smile, and your giggle is the cutest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. you just know the right things to say,, you make the stormy nights part ways for the stars

一@himitsu-luna ❤︎

my sister!! you know I always wanted an older sister.. I always wanted someone to look up to and talk to about anything; someone I can fan girl with and talk about anything with, and you my love are that person. 🥺 you’re so sweet and soft, you have the most gentle of soul and artistic of eye, makes me feel so proud and happy to have the privilege of calling you my friend

一@tinystupidwitch ❣︎

YES MY HENDERY STAN FRIEND!!! you’re so strong bubs... you know that? I know your work is hard, you get little sleep, but the fact you have the ability to text me and make me laugh and feel all happy 🥺 I appreciate you more than words can describe,,

一@bbyyangiex2 シ

my little sister :( we may be the most absolute different human beings ,, but some how we make it work, you’re so adorably cute,, and I know you’re like “nO iM nOt ,,, NO YOU” SHUSH LET ME SAY THIS!! you’re so cute and so pretty! and you’re so smart and amazing and such a beautiful young cutie... you make me feel so proud watching you grow up 😭😭 I just love you so much okay

一@hangsxng ☺︎︎

MEIN DEUTSCH LIEBE !!! Huiieifhekdk I love you so much omg, like; your accent, your laugh, your eyes, you’re so beautiful and so unique and so just absolutely erstaunlich!!! I know we haven’t talked a ton recently buttttt you’re still always on my mind! ich habe mein Deutsch dafür geübt,,,, ich liebe dich so sehr, meine liebe <3 vergiss nie, wie erstaunlich du bist 😭

一@liudejuns ♔

ugh, mimi; you know you have the ability to make someone’s day the brightest? even after a horrible day seeing you text me and post I just get so happy, you’re so beautiful inside and out and I hope you know how Important you and how much you really deserve

一@johns-marshmallow ఌ

ANNIKAN SKYWALKER!!! Aka Johnika ,,, tehehehe I love you so much ,, that’s it.

haha just kidding ! you’re such a joy in people’s lives, you’re so funny, and you radiate main character energy!! Ksjsksk i know you have been feeling down and stressed but just know you’re so strong, you’re so brave, and you’re so intelligent! anything you do will be amazing, anything you choose will be terrific why? Bc you’re Annika! you’re just the star in the sky, and anyone would be lucky to call you their friend

to my beautiful moots — thank you guys for being there for me, I would love to get to know you all so much better ,, you guys are literally the sweetest and deserve the whole world! thank you thank you thank you! I hope your 2020 will be filled with so much happiness and love !!

@hanadolphieron @sush-iii @danishmiilk @henderyprince @yutaaaaaa @joh--pping @gowonhatesyou @calypsohan @dyongvr @kpopsnowball @peachyhan @btsastro @coffeevddict @xeniya @neochan @junguwuta @heartyyjeno @strwberryneo @imjustuhhvibing @fairvtale @doyounged @du0tine @mignonmark @cyecandy @neoangsthours @orange-nimon-cross @rueyins @jaeminsb1tch @thatkpopmeme @kuniverse11 @svchengss

to my followers !! Thank you so much for supporting me! You guys mean a lot more to me than words can describe ! Im so graceful that you guys like my writing and for enjoying my blog! it makes me so happy 😭

〄

to myself —

hi kaela nichole :)

stop worrying so much about what others think! you’re a good person! stop letting things your birth family said change your opinion of yourself! stop making scenarios in your head of men that will not ! like ! you ! you are cute af you can find plenty of guys (like the four you’re thinking of in your head rn that like you... I know you don’t like any of them bUT LIKE put yourself out thereeeeee) anyway you’re amazing! also stop freaking out about vet school and your future! life will take you to wherever it does, leave faith up to the universe my love.. please.. stop being so hard on yourself, you’re trying your hardest. and that’s all you can do kae :) <3

— from yourself (love you bitch)

一may your New Years be filled with positive vibes! smiles, laughter, and good health!! <33

#HAPPY 2021 GUYS #HI 2021!!#thank you 2020 for everything you brought to me #rest forever peacefully

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blackberry-gingham · 3 years

Note

This is a bit personal but how about beatle x reader headcannons/imagines of how the boys would react to their reader feeling self conscious about their body

No problem at all! So, I've seen this trope done quite a bit on other headcannon type pages for other fandoms, and since body insecurity is something very serious to me that I myself use to (and still do) deal with, I wanted to try and take this a little deeper then "you're sad, they tell you you're beautiful, the end", so I'm sorry if these get a touch angsty, but I promise everything works out ❤️

Also, I'm so sorry this took so long dear! These are somewhere between headcannons and my usual imagines, so I hope they're alright enough to make up for the wait! And remember, you're amazing and wonderful, just the way you are ❤️❤️❤️

George

Personally, I feel like George is sort of ?? forgotten ??? Of all the boys

By that I mean, like even non Beatle fans know Paul and John, and they might know Ringo just bc that name stands out, but George???

I mean, ik back before I was a fan I could never remember who "the fourth one" was

So anyway, even tho he's kind of in the background compared to the other three, that doesn't mean he's not sensitive to how the others are treated/feeling

At the end of the day I think he'd be his usual self and a good, sympathetic ear to insecurity issues

When he finds out, it's kind of an overtime process

He's use to bringing you snacks and take a little break like that with you, especially after a long day of recording or practice

But lately, you've been... Strange about it

Either straight up turning him down, or picking at the food and not really touching anything

He asks what's wrong, as gently as he can, seeing as he honestly already suspects the answer

You and George have been together for a while now, and he's always been easy to talk to, and understanding if you don't feel like sharing, so you feel that you can be honest

"I'm just... Trying to watch my figure, you know?"

He just kind of looks at you, confused at first

"Why?"

His face is hard to read, and yet still manages to turn to a completely different, very serious, emotion

"Has someone said something to you?"

You now have his full attention as he puts aside his guitar

You assure him that no, it's just a personal thing

"Oh", he nods

"Yeah", you nod

You're not sure how this makes you feel. Perhaps you're glad it's over, but you can't help but feel... Shunned?

But before you can ruminate too much, George brushes off his lap as though he's about to stand

Instead he sits back and looks at you

"Come here"

His voice is serious, but not quite stern

Invitingly, he becons you over and nods towards his lap

You look from his face to his long, thin legs

At first you decline, brushing it off almost as a joke

You look to your own legs

He can't be serious?

He asks you again, "Come on, I want to show you something"

At this point your curiosity is peaked

You get up and approach cautiously, as though he might run away

When the moment of truth arrives, you slowly, s l o w l y, begin to sit

Tired of waiting, George hooks his hands under your knees and pulls you forward

You fall onto his lap with a little thud and you figure this is it, expecting him to shove you off

Instead, when nothing happens, you dare to peak your scrunched up eyes open and see his smile waiting for you

He leans in for a gentle kiss, all the while his hands are resting on your thighs

His legs are like iron, not uncomfortable to sit on, quite the opposite actually, but strong in a way you hadn't expected

When the kiss is broken, he slides his palms up and out until they're resting on your hips

His callused fingers tickle a little, even through the fabric of your clothes

"So um, what were you going t-?"

He shushes and you, and picks up your hand in his

George brings the heel of your palm a mere inch away from his lips

He pauses just for a moment, making direct eye contact with you, before turning back to his work

He presses a trail of kisses along the inside of your arm, to the crook of your elbow, and up your bicep

You shiver, tensing as he goes up

But he doesn't recoil, or hesitate, or do anything of the sort

He gives equal love and attention to every inch of your flesh as he goes, only stopping at your shoulder to make sure you're still alright

As though giving permission, you bite your lip and give a subtle nod, curious to see what happens next

George releases your arm, now dedicating both hands to massaging your hips with all the thumb dexterity of a skilled guitarist

Next he moves along your shoulders, dropping down just a moment to give some attention to the bump of your collar bone

When he's done there, he lingers on your neck, gently kissing and sucking up and down before settling in one spot

After a moment, he starts humming a familiar tune against your skin

"Do you this song?", His voice is just a whisper

"Hm?"

"It's one of the first songs we wrote together"

George pulls back again to look at your face...

"As much as I love you for what's out here"

...Then presses one more kiss to your lips

"I love you even more for what's in here"

He kisses your forehead

Finally he pulls back one more time, and the way he looks at you is as though all the love in the world is inside those eyes

"Never forget that. Promise me"

You seal your promise with a kiss

John

Ok so I think we all know John struggled with an eating disorder(s)

So he knows the whole nine yards of what it's like being "overweight", "underweight", somewhere in between, and still never being good enough for everyone else

I mean John is basically infamous for having been body shamed and criticized out of all the boys, particularly in the early years

So all this to say, he knows how awful it feels

To wake up in the morning, try to get dressed, and take forever to choose an outfit because you hate how everything looks on you

To look in the mirror and be unable to stand your own reflection

To think once, twice, and yes, even thrice before enjoying your favorite little snack, or even just a regular meal

He wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy

And when he finds out that you, the most lovely person in the world, feel that way...

Oh, his heart breaks

All the boys would take this quite seriously of course, but John simply has a certain... understanding that the others don't

He finds out one night on a dinner date with you

You've picked at everything all night, hardly a bite

This is starting to form a pattern, and rest assured, he has been noticing

At the end of the meal, he asks if everything was alright in a way that references much more then the food

"Oh yes, fine", you force that same smile you always give when he asks that question

He waits until you're both in the comfort of your flat to breach the topic

You see, John is a man of many faces

The first layer is prickly and aggressive, the second is a mischievous joker, the third a sweet, but anxious individual

And under all those masks, the real John, is the most compassionate and loving man you've ever met

So when he does ask you what's really going on, he's very serious and very gentle

He wants you to know that you're safe to tell him anything and that he wants to help with whatever is so very clearly bothering you

It's tough to get it out, but John is patient and encouraging all the while and you manage it

You're surprised to hear that he suspected as much

John tries to go a little deeper, asking of there's anything particular that makes you feel this way or if it's just a constant thing

Regardless of your answer, he offers you what advice he can, from both personal experience and what he learned from his therapy sessions

John's not too great at comforting speeches, but he'll be damned if he doesn't do everything he can to make sure you know just how much he loves you

He loves you for your heart, and how patient and kind you are with not just him, but everyone

He loves you for your mind, and how you too can have deep conversations about topics that are important to you both

And perhaps most of all, he loves you for your personality and how you can poke a bit of fun, just like he does, and you aren't afraid to put him in his place when he's being an arse

"Is there anything I can do for you love?"

You smile, feeling just a bit better after his speech

"How's about a cuddle?"

John grins cheekily, "Now you're talking!"

He half tackles you from his seat beside you, turning your seated position into a reclining one

You can't help but laugh playfully as he easily picks you up in a bear hug and slips under you so you can rest on top of him

He presses a kiss to your cheek

"How's that?"

You smirk back

"It's a start"

John gasps in mock disbelief at your remark

You just wrap your arms around his shoulders, snuggling against him

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to keep it up"

At that, he nuzzles the side of your face, glad to see you finally feeling relaxed

John give you one more squeeze in his strong arms, holding you close

You two spend the rest of the evening cuddled up and cozy until you fall asleep in each other's arms

Paul

Now it's no secret Paul has always been the "pretty one" of the Beatles

I mean heck, even in the freaking cartoon he has the least goofy and caricature esque face of all the boys

But personally I would imagine that he's felt a certain pressure from time to time to keep up his looks!

It would be quite draining for everyone to have this flawless image of you and then expect you to live up to it 24/7, so in that regard he understands struggling with feeling less then perfect

And certainly with feeling subpar when others just expect far too much!

The night it comes out, the two of you have plans to attend a soiree of sorts

Music, lights, dancing, champaign, the hosts are pulling all the stops and it'll be absolutely a black tie affair

You've got a very fancy dress for the occasion that you got as a gift from Paul some time ago, it's all sparkly, exquisite, and your favorite color to boot

And it... "fits"

As in, you can zip it up and move and breathe comfortably in it, but it just....

Paul finds you standing in front of the full length mirror, mascara beginning to run quietly down your face as you tug and smooth and pull the dress in varying places

He's honestly a bit panicked and confused at first. After all, he does hate to see you upset, let alone cry

"is something wrong love? Do you not like that one? There's plenty of time to change!"

"it's nothing! Just an eyelash"

You try to laugh it off and hope that he'll just leave you alone

You see, Paul has been talking about this shindig for weeks in advance

It's hosted by a good friend, many more of which will be in attendance tonight

Not to mention he hardly ever gets to do something nice away from the press, so you're trying very hard not to ruin things for him

Paul walks over to you, concern written all over his face

"No really, what's wrong?"

You try to wave him off, but he takes you gently by the shoulders and looks you square in the eye

He looks around your beautiful eyes, searching, and it almost feels as though he can read your mind

At last he says "You don't want to go?"

With that, you just can't manage to hold a brave face any longer and the tears come rolling down

Without another word, Paul guides you to a seat on the bed and returns swiftly with some tissues

He dries your eyes as best he can and thumbs a soothing circle on your hand, giving you space to tell him what's on your mind

When you've had the chance to situate yourself, you tell him that you don't mind the party it's just that the way you feel in that dress, in fact, in all your dresses is just...

Paul nods understandingly as you trail off, and the two of you sit in silence for a moment

You're concerned you've upset him and ask as much

"What? No, of course not love!"

"But I know how much you want to g-"

Paul shushes you and brings a hand up to stroke your cheek

"I don't care about some stupid party, nothing matters more to me then you. I mean that"

He tilts his head and smiles at you

"Tell you what? We'll just skip it and have some fun right here!"

For a moment you're afraid he's doesn't mean it, but there's a childlike gleam in his eyes and grin on his face that tells you he not only means it, but is excited at the prospect

You're still a little doubtful that you haven't made him upset, but Paul reassures you until you're able to take him at his word

Absolutely relieved, you agree and wipe away your last few tears

"Good. Now let's get this off you, eh?"

Paul helps you take out your jewelry as well as undoing the far too complicated latches, ribbon, and zipper on the back of the dress

His delicate fingers slide up and down the length of your neck and back reverently as he works, planting gentle kisses to the nape of your neck every so often

With the hardest part over, and ever the gentleman, he gives you space to slip it off and put on something more comfortable

When next you see him, he's putting on a sweet and slow record, something like what you would've probably heard tonight

He's removed his suit jacket, tie, and shoes and when he turns to see you in your adorable PJs he smiles at you like you're the belle of the ball

"Ahem, may I have this dance?"

He bows low and offers you his hand, peaking up at you for just a moment to shoot you a playful grin

You laugh at his silly antics and give in happily to the charade

Paul leads you in a steady waltz around and around the room, the two of you stealing kisses and suppressing laughter all the while

When the record comes to an end, you both collapse on the couch and catch your breath

By now, you're fully confident you've had more fun just now then you would've all night had you gone

After a minutes rest, Paul hops up from his seat

"Just a minute, I forgot something... Wait right here!"

He darts off around the bend and when next you see him, he's carrying two flutes of champagne

Paul takes a seat beside you again and hands you yours

"I was saving this for when we got back, thought we could leave early and enjoy the rest of the evening alone"

You smile, touched by the thoughtfulness and still riding the high of the previous activities

Finally, you propose a toast

"To my amazing, lovely boyfriend"

Paul smiles at you with adoration. You mean so much more to him then a mere toast could describe

"To my love, the most gorgeous dance partner in the world"

Ringo

Idk if this is/was a thing, or if it's just something I've noticed, but Ringo seems to be the butt of the joke, particularly in regards to his appearance, a lot

Like he's the "short" one and he's got that nose

I only ever see him take it like a champ and all in good fun, and laid back as he is, it doesn't seem to hold him back but I'm sure he'd understand feeling insecure about ones body/looks

But for you to be insecure???

He just??????

When Ringo finds out, he's honestly the most bewildered of all

He finds you sat against the wall, hunched up and crying, half clothed, and a mess of clothing strewn around you

Usually whenever something's bothering you, you know you can bring it to him.

He's always there for you, after all

So to see you like this, he's absolutely terrified that something truly awful has happened

In that moment, thanks to his roaring adrenaline, he goes from rock star to olympic sprinter and dashes to your side so quickly it's as though he teleported

"What's wrong love, what's wrong?"

He holds your face up to look at him and quickly checks over you to make sure you're not injured or sick in some way

When he sees the pain in your eyes, he's nearly crying too

He wants so desperately to help you, and take all your troubles and worries away this very moment.

Even if it meant he had to shoulder the suffering for you, he'd do it in a heartbeat, no doubt

You feel rather embarrassed to be caught like this, and even worse still to see your boyfriend so upset on your behalf

This takes you back to square one, crying and nonverbal for a bit longer

Luckily, Ringo catches on that him getting upset is only going to make you more upset, so he settles himself and holds you until you're ready

When you are ready, you manage to choke out your insecurity, trusting him as you always do

And when he hears you're insecure about your body, or even your looks in general, he is just....

Ringo.exe has stopped working

Mind, it not that he doesn't understand your feelings!!

It's just that you are so completely and absolutely beautiful and kind and so much more to him, that he simply cannot fathom the idea of holding the opinion of you as any less

"is it the clothes? Because forget the damn clothes" He takes a handful and throws them up and away, like confetti

"I'll buy you a whole new closet if you like! W-would you like that?"

He smiles hopefully at you, as though you truly would like that, and it'll solve all your problems

You simply shake your head

And, after moment, Ringo starts to understand

He sits with you silently for a moment, the gravity of your feelings is so important to him that he's not sure plain old him has something good enough to say

But he knows he wants to say something

So, he meditates on it for a moment, and decides he can only tell you the truth

"Well... you know that I love you, yeah? Sometimes I wonder how a guy like me got so lucky to be with a right angel like you.... And so do the lads"

He laughs that deep, silly laugh you love so much

"Why, I think you're the loveliest girl in all of England er uh, no, all the world!"

That earns a little smile from you

You're about to respond when you catch a shiver

You're only down to your undergarments after all, and it's a bit drafty

Ringo notices and before any mention can be made, he sets to work at removing his sweater, eager to make sure you're cared for

It seems to be putting up a bit of a fight, but he manages to come out on top

"Er uh, will this be ok? I know you're fed up with clothes right now, but I don't want you to freeze neither"

He's genuinely concerned about your feelings in the subject, even as he holds the garment out to you

Buuuut... It's cozy and oversized on you, plus it smells comfortingly of him, so you take it

"Hey, that looks better on you then it does me!"

He laughs again, the state of him made a bit more comical by his now frizzed up mop top

You point the issue out to him, grinning yourself, and he shakes it out like a dog

Which, of course, only makes it ten times worse

For the first time that day, you laugh, and it's the most beautiful sound Ringo's ever heard

Feeling a bit better now, Ringo helps you stand and offers you some tea downstairs

You take a few steps, and then stop feeling the draft give rise to some goose bumps all up your legs

"Maybe I should get some pants..."

At the mere suggestion, Ringo looks at you like he has a bright idea and immediately goes to undo his belt

You burst out laughing, and stop him

He's confused at first, but when he realizes his own absurdity in his effort to be helpful, he can't help but laugh a little too

In the end, you come to the conclusion that a blanket and a cuddle on the couch will do nicely instead... Which is exactly what you do

Ringo spends the rest of the day keeping you entertained, warm, and covered in kisses

#the beatles #beatles x reader #john lennon x reader #paul mccartney x reader #ringo starr x reader #george harrison x reader #tw eating disorder mention #comfort #angst

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fairycosmos · 4 years

Note

chloe what do you do when you feel really suicidal? but like not like before- but NOW that you are grieving such a painful loss? dont need to answer but i read your a. to the anon that felt trapped and like they couldnt leave now bc their sibling died too and like you and that anon i feel the same. im so so suicidal chloe. i cry every day and night and i feel despertate but my parents just lost their child so. how do you cope... as much as its possible. what do we do? fuck.

dude i am so sorry you're in the same position as me and you are going to hate me for saying it but there is no satisfactory answer 😔 it's a cruel joke. we're in the worst pain we've ever been in, and our instinct is to want to make that stop. but we can't because now we're obligated to stay alive, where all the hurt is, because we're one of the only ones left. and we dont want to cause more of this feeling by ending it all. it's like a contract you didn't agree to and are now trapped in for the foreseeable. grief is the absolute heaviest thing a person can carry, it's a fucking nightmare. it doesn't make any sense, it doesn't have a cure and it's disorienting as fuck. it's ok to be exhausted by it. reality has been irreparably worsened and it's an absolute tragedy, it's completely unfair. personally i'm more suicidal than i've ever been, but like you, i know i'm not going to do anything. and in moments of great pain, where i want to act on those thoughts, i find myself coming back to that fact. i watch the idea of suicide run its course through my head and then i acknowledge the reality of things, that i can't leave. that it doesn't matter how sad i am and how tired i am, because i'm still here, and processing these emotions is a part of that. the urge to kill myself is there, but the actual act of suicide has never been less of an option than it is right now. so i can feel whatever i need to feel, but there's no point leaning into it or daydreaming about it. because it's not going to happen. sometimes i'm screaming and crying to myself in absolute agony while this is all going on, and sometimes i'm just sitting staring at my phone, numb. the desperation is very real, and i understand that. but it is not as urgent as it feels in the moment. no matter how many times i think i'm at my limit, i know that there's going to be tomorrow. and at the moment that sounds like a really bad thing. but i know that by waking up my parents aren't getting a call saying i'm dead, which for now is kind of the whole point. i am living to minimize their trauma, i am living for them, and an optimist would have hope that that could keep me alive long enough until i get to the point where i can eventually live for myself again. i could definitely see that for your future, even if you can't. the thing is you don't have to know what to do and you dont have to look for ways to fill the void that has been left behind by your sibling. you just have to learn to exist alongside it, and i do mean just exist. as awful as it is. waking up, putting one foot in front of the other, crying and crying and crying. that is good enough. i know it doesn't feel like much of a life, but. it's the short term answer, or so it seems to me. another thing i remind myself of is how it all comes in waves. waves are the nature of both grief, and strong suicidal urges. maybe they're always running in the background, but the moments of pure despair where you feel like you're bursting at the seams, they're so strong and harsh that they flare out faster than you realize. and they feel unbearable, and i know those moments are very frequent when you're in our position, but it's good to remember that the intensity of their nature makes them temporary. especially if the grief is fresh, every little thing triggers an avalanche of hopelessness. but some part of me believes these experiences will either a. become less persistent with time or b. become a part of us we learn how to navigate. at the moment, the simple act of being completely broken by these episodes means you're surviving them. i think it's not a matter of knowing how to cope, but knowing that if you're here to ask these questions - what do i do, how do i go on, etc - then that is proof you have been coping. and it probably doesn't feel like you have been. i think there's a common misconception that coping is thriving, letting go, having positive memories. and sure that's a part of it. but there is a lot of darkness and absolute horror to work through before that. additionally, there is no rule book on how exactly to work through it. theres just time, experience, learning what works for you and hanging on. i'm trying to hold my own hand through it, i'm trying to look at the present moment i'm in and just think about what i need at that very second. not what i'm going to do tomorrow, not what i should've done yesterday, but what i have to do right now to make it through. a lot of the time the answer is nothing, and i just sit and stare or cry, because like i said, ultimately nothing can fix it. theres no epiphany that can change what happened.

as far as practical things you can to do combat suicidal thoughts goes, i have a few suggestions that i really hope you consider as viable choices: talk to your doctor/therapist - idk where you live or what your financial situation is like, but if it's at all an option i would really urge you to seek professional help. at least let your GP know what you're dealing with so maybe they can refer you to a therapist, or give you some mental health resources. grief counselling is also a step in the right direction. having someone to talk to and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your day to day life, even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, can work wonders. understanding your own suicidal thoughts, why you react the way you do and what you can do about it, can really come in handy when you're breaking down. it's ok to reach out. it's ok to visit different counsellors until you find one that fits you. it's ok to treat your emotional turmoil as seriously as you'd treat any physical disease. there is always support and treatment options available in some form, and it is always worth looking into.

call a (grief or suicide) hotline - i've had the hotline number open in my browser for days. if you are in a moment of crisis, it can absolutely help to have someone talk you through your emotions, listen to your pain, and then give you some gentle recommendations as to what you should do next or where to go from here. you don't have to tell them your name, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. you're in control of the call and they care about keeping you going. you're not alone. theres also online grief support groups - i'm in a sibling loss group on fb. it's absolutely crazy how many people are in this position.

talk to your parents/family/friends - i know saying 'this is a tough one' is a giant understatement. idk if it's the same for you, but i've been isolating to cope and i don't want to tell anyone what i'm thinking because they're already having such a hard time grieving my sister. but if there's anyone you trust, i just want you to know it's alright to lean on them. it's up to you how much you open up, but the urge to keep to yourself leads nowhere. those around you can relate (to an extent) with your grief, and sharing it, talking about memories and crying together - it's fucking awful, god it's the worst thing ever, but it's necessary. and i don't want to say it helps, but a shared burden is always better than trying to shoulder it alone. you deserve to be listened to and supported. and if you think you're being an inconvenience to your loved ones, that's your inner self hatred talking. they would likely rather be there for you when you need it, than have you harm yourself because you kept it all pent up. it's a lot easier said than done, but it's important to keep in mind that it's an option.

try to create a safe space - try to remove things from your living space you could use to harm yourself with, and make the environment as comforting as possible. refer back to safe coping mechanisms/ distractions that have worked in the past - this can be as simple as going for a walk, watching stupid shit on your phone, meditation, having a crying session, writing to your sibling or just about how you feel in general. these are not suggestions that will solve anything or cure mental illness by any stretch of the imagination. they just get you out of your head. that can really make a difference.

create a crisis plan and learn what triggers you - this is a bit of a process but that's alright. being able to identify what sets you off, and being able to recognize your own toxic thinking patterns/behaviours, is the first step towards combatting them. another idea is, if you do end up talking to a loved one or a mental health professional, come up with a plan with them regarding what they should do when you're suicidal and your judgement is impaired. you can even start by just making one for yourself, like writing down a few suggestions as to what you should do when you're in a crisis, what your other options besides suicide are.

i think that's all i've got right now. i'm sorry this got so long, especially when i know nothing truly helps. i just know what it's like having all this useless life in front of you that you're going to have to fight through without the one person who always should've been there. i keep thinking about what she'd say to me if she could see me, and i know she'd be livid if i threw my life away, but. that doesn't change the fact that she didn't get to live hers, and that i miss her so so much it aches. i keep coming back to the idea that our relationship will continue to grow beyond death. i can still talk to her, reminisce with her, understand her, love her. so much of this reality was shaped by her. it's not the same as when she was here, but it's not total absence either. anyway, i'm so so sorry for your loss and i hope you can just focus on taking care of yourself, love. because your life still has so much worth and you deserve to see your own future even if you cant stand the thought. moments of happiness and peace are still 100% possible. it's just never going to feel like it did before. and it's ok if you spend the rest of your life struggling to come to terms with that fact, because at least you got to live the rest of your life. i'm sending so much love to you and i'll be here if you need a friend. one day at a time.

*no pressure to read all this you can just refer back to it whenever you feel the need

#anon #tw suicide #long post #sorry i dont shut up💖 this 1 hurt

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omg-imagine · 4 years

Text

⊱ Second Chances ⊰

Pairing: Jack Traven x Reader

Request: Could u do an imagine where the reader and either Utah or jack traven dated but he did something stupid and they broke up and they realize they made a mistake and want the reader back- Anon

Words: 1.7k

Warnings: Brief mentions of sex and alcohol, angst and fluff

A/N: Sorry if this is eh. I’ve been having a tough time with writing lately. Also, as much as I wanted the put smut here, I wasn’t able to do it and just went with a fluffy end. But I’ll definitely write something smutty for Jack in the future bc he’s just too fking delicious ;) Hope you enjoy!!

24 days.

It’s been 24 long and excruciating days since you broke up with Jack, and he had already lost his goddamn mind.

Standing in the middle of his kitchen, he reminisced back to simpler times; you and him waking up in bed on a slow Saturday, limbs tangled under the sheets. Jack especially loved the weekends when he didn’t have to work because it meant spending the entire day with you.

After a round of morning sex (sometimes, even two), you would head over to the kitchen and cook breakfast together. Jack could recall the last time you stood there in front of the stove, flipping eggs in a pan while he wound his arms around your waist, pressing his firm chest to your back.

Jack was always a tease, knowing that he could get you riled up by merely skimming his hands down your body and nipping at the delicate skin on your neck. Breakfast was usually an endeavor for the both of you. It ended with either the food burnt to a crisp or not even cooked at all once you shifted your attention from it to something much better.

Heaving out a sigh, he proceeded to get a bottle of beer from the fridge before heading back to the living room, his third trip for the night but surely not the last. Since the break-up, Jack had been working longer hours, even more so than usual. He needed to be busy, he needed to be distracted. He wanted to save the pathetic wallowing towards the end of the day, which he was doing now.

Everywhere he went, Jack was reminded of you, adding more weight to his burdened heart. He could still hear the sound of your sweet laughter, and if he concentrated hard enough, feel the warmth of your lips on his. No matter how much time had passed, it seemed as though it was only getting worse. Losing you was a pain like no other. In fact, he would rather get beaten up or shot at rather than spend the rest of his life without you.

Mindlessly staring at the television screen, he wondered to himself how you were handling this. Jack hadn’t seen or spoken to you after you stormed out of his apartment nearly a month ago, and you had ignored all his phone calls. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure of what to say if you decided to pick up. No amount of words would ever be enough to fix what you and he had.

Or at least, that’s what he believed.

The tv hummed quietly in the background as Jack downed the last of his beer, the alcohol barely helping him forget the dull ache in his chest. The more he tried to push the thought of you out of his mind, the more the memories haunted him. He was miserable, empty. The numbness was slowly eating him up, and it was overwhelming.

As Jack continued to pity himself, he knew that something had to be done. 24 days of desolation, and he’s had it. He was tired of waking up in bed alone after having dreams about you. Dreams which reminded him of happier moments, now reduced to a thing of the past. But amid all the sadness and regret, Jack needed you, desperate to win you back.

So, he made his decision.

Hastily, Jack got up from the couch, nearly tripping over his feet before trying to search his car keys. He muttered a curse under his breath when he couldn’t find them and didn’t have the patience to check the other rooms. Groaning, he did the next best thing his hazy mind could think of.

Jack slipped on his coat and ran out of the door, the cool nighttime air of LA greeting him once he stepped outside. Luckily for him, your house wasn’t too far from his, but quite a distance now that he’s on foot. It took him almost fifteen minutes to get to your door, his lungs screaming for oxygen after sprinting as fast as he could.

Honestly, Jack didn’t know how you would react to him showing up at your front porch at nearly 2AM. Certainly, you would be pissed that he had woken you up in the dead of the night. You might even end up slapping him across the face for daring to appear before you after the shit he pulled.

Either way, it was too late for him to turn back around. Jack had already rung your doorbell and was pounding his fist on the wooden frame, calling out to you until the lights inside finally switched on.

“What the fuck, Jack?” You grumbled once you swung open the door. “You better have a good excuse for coming here.”

“I’m sorry, but this couldn’t wait till morning,” he replied, slurring his words. Jack felt his heart hammering in his chest as you stared at him, the moonlight dancing in your eyes as he remembered how much he’d missed seeing them. “Y/N, I want to apologize again for what I’ve done. This past couple of weeks have been hell, and I just can’t move on, babe. Please, forgive me and come back.”

Scoffing, you shook your head at him in utter disbelief. “Jack, you screwed up big time, and I can’t see myself trusting you after what you’ve done.”

“I told you, it didn’t mean anything—”

“But you still kissed her, Jack. You still kissed Annie.”

Jack froze at the sound of her name. It was as if he had sobered up instantly when you mentioned Annie, the woman he had risked his life to save hers. You saw the two of them in the news covering the ordeal, noticing how close she stood next to him and how tightly her arm was wrapped around his body as they emerged from the train wreckage.

You thought nothing of it until you saw the papers the following morning. A picture of your boyfriend passionately kissing someone he had only known for a day was plastered on the front covers. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Jack couldn’t give you a good enough explanation for his actions. He didn’t even realize how much he had hurt and embarrassed you until after your relationship ended.

“Well?” You stood there before him, the pain emitting from your stern gaze. “You know what? Just go home, Jack. Leave me alone.”

Before you could shut the door on Jack’s face, he had swiftly wedged his foot in to prevent you from doing so. “Just hear me out, baby. Give me a chance to explain myself.”

“I’m not interested,” you huffed, but still, Jack would not budge. He heard you sigh deeply in defeat as your eyes flickered away. “Fine, you have one minute.”

Swallowing thickly, Jack watched as you leaned against the door, your attention solely on him. “I fucked up, and I understand that now. I don’t know what came over me when Annie and I kissed, but what I should have done was push her away.”

He could see the tears pooling in the corner of your eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe them away. “I love you, Y/N. You’re the only one for me. I will do whatever it is that you want if it means being with you again. Please, baby. I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you because you’re all I ever want and need.”

The air was still, filled with tension and silence as Jack waited for a response. He couldn’t read the expression on your face, and slowly, he felt as though he was losing the battle. But then he saw a small yet saddened smile gracing your lips, and his hope began to blossom from the inside.

“You’re an idiot, Jack Traven,” you simply spoke, voice slightly quavering though there was a gentle gleam in your eyes. “But, I do still love you.”

“Does this mean you’ll take me back?” Jack asked, approaching you carefully.

You nodded once as you opened the door wider, leaving the warmth of your home in favor of Jack’s. Closing the distance between you and him, your arms immediately encircled his waist, your head coming to rest against his chest. For a brief second, he stood there, tenderly holding you while silently thanking his lucky stars that he had you again.

Tilting your gaze up to meet his, you slowly leaned in, capturing his lips with a soft kiss. Jack quickly responded to your kiss, relishing the pure sweetness of it as his hands came up to cradle the sides of your face. Time seemed to stand still as the kiss grew more passionate, leaving the two of you breathless after pulling away.

Gently stroking your cheeks, Jack then pressed his forehead to yours as he savored the tranquility of the moment and the feeling of having you in his arms.

He missed this, he missed you.

“Did you just run all the way here instead of taking your car?” You suddenly questioned him.

Jack nodded as he craned his head back to look at you. “Couldn’t find my keys. It’s a good thing anyway, I was drinking before I got here.”

“I know,” you whispered. “You turn into a romantic fool when you drink. I can’t believe you ran here to tell me that you love me.”

“I told you,” Jack chuckled, stealing a kiss from you. “This couldn’t wait until morning.”

“So, I guess you’ll be spending the night here?”

“Only if you want me to,” he added, a slight smirk playing on his lips.

You laughed softly as Jack nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, breathing in your familiar scent. “Fine, but only because I miss making breakfast with you.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” He inquired, and you rolled your eyes.

“No,” you then smiled, reaching a hand up to cup the edge of his jaw. “I supposed there’s more that I miss.”

“Then it’s best we catch up, starting now.” Jack grinned widely before sweeping you up in his strong arms and carrying you back inside the house, eager to show you how grateful he was for being given a second chance.

Permanent Taglist: @penwieldingdreamer @keandrews @feminine-machinegun @fanficsrusz @thehumanistsdiary @rdjloverxxx @flaminasteroid

#jack traven #jack traven x reader #jack traven fanfic #keanu reeves #keanu reeves x reader #speed #reader insert #my fics #request

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kuviras-eyeliner · 4 years

Note

Hey! I just found you and love your blog 💞 I was wondering if I could maybe get a matchup for ATLA and LOK? 🥺👉👈 I’m a scrawny little five-foot-nothing bi girl (I’m pretty feminine and more attracted to masculine types, regardless of gender) and I love hiking and being outside in general! I’m an INFP personality type, a Hufflepuff, and I’m a STEM major in school. I’m a coffee addict, I love fall, and I have an unhealthy obsession with buying holiday themed blankets and socks lol. I have a pretty even temper and I’m more likely to stand up for someone else than myself if another person is being mean, but I don’t really like confrontation. Bc of that, I end up being the person in the friend group that everyone else feels the need to protect, even tho I am 100% capable of handling myself! I’ve also been voted as best hugger of my friend group, which is my proudest achievement in life 😌 wow ok this got rly long I’m so sorry! Also my ATLA/LOK side blog is @jasmine-iroh but I can’t send an ask from there, I’d love to be your friend tho!! Your writing is so good and I love your positive vibes 💞

Ahhh sweetie I’m so sorry this took so long!! I’ll make sure that this is extra detailed to make up for the wait, I’m so so sorry!! 🥺🥺🥺 You seem like such a lovable and sweet person, and literally want to give you the biggest hug in the entire world, because even though I’ve only read one snippet of who you are you just seem so cute ajajajjajajaa

I match this lovely human marshmallow with...

Toph!

⁽ᵇᵘᵗ ˡᵒᵒᵏ ᵃᵗ ʰᵒʷ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵍⁱᶠ ⁱˢ ᵃˢᵈᶠᵍʰʲᵏˡ🥺⁾

When I saw that you sent this, I literally squealed because OH MY GOSH, you and Toph would be such a good duo that I literally can’t with myself-- you sound like such a caring, gentle, yet underestimated person (but wanna say for the record that I can tell you have a lot more potential than what people see!). I can tell that even though you might not be very book smart, you’re more street smart and you know a lot about life and what’s in store for you. You know so many life lessons and apply it to your life and take it to heart, then spread it to others. So, with Toph! We all know that Toph is one of the most aggressive yet absolute butt-kicking queen out there. She might be seen as this invincible, strong, powerful rock, but I think you’d be the first person to realize that Toph is human as well and that she can’t stay strong forever. Even though Toph isn’t big on physical contact/bonding, with your hugs, she might say she doesn’t like them, but of course, she really does. Toph also loves to show you just how much she really cares about you but through a lot of side-punches. She makes sure to be more gentle around you and tries to control her temper when she knows you’re there. Toph knows more than enough that you can protect yourself, because she usually doesn’t look past just how much potential someone can have. Toph might not be open about many things, but with you, she’ll let herself smile every now and then out of just how beautiful you are. On your worst days, even though Toph isn’t big on hugs and physical comfort, she might make an exception for you and hug you first. She’ll be really verbal about how you feel, and Toph does anything in her will (even though it might be awkward at times) to make you feel better. She’s also there to be with you, right beside you, even though she might not say it out loud. Toph makes sure that you feel comfortable around her, and you can always find her (this is a headcanon I made I’m so sorry if it sounds wack as heck but still) trying to cook, but unfortunately, things don’t go as planned. Overall, Toph is just there to stand with you as a best friend, and a lover. You two are inseparable, no matter how far physically you may be away from each other <333

Next up, we have:

Bolin!

I think we can all make it clear that Bo is one of the most precious characters in The Legend of Korra-- so yes, I ship you with Bolin! A lot of people (I KNOW I BRING THIS UP IN EVERY SINGLE MATCHUP, BUT PLEASE BARE WITH ME) overlook just how ripped Bolin actually is?? Like he was in a fricking movie film, and people think he’s not attractive?? No, no, absolutely not, he’s beautiful just the way he is ;U; <3 Bolin loves you to pieces!! He really likes how much you value your time with people, and how you’re a firm believer in giving people second chances. Bolin also makes sure that in moments you feel down, that he’ll literally give you the biggest and softest hugs ever, and he’ll pull you aside and cry with you. When you cry, he cries-- when you’re happy, he’s happy. When you laugh, he laughs: the only thing he wants is for you to be okay with yourself and then those around you. He loves getting hugs from you, and he’ll never look over how much potential you have! Bolin loves you to the point where playing Pai Sho with him every night has almost become a religion, and that he assures you nothing bad can happen in your life. He’ll laugh randomly whenever you do something that’s iconic, and when you ask, he’ll say, “I’m laughing because I can’t believe I fell in love with someone so perfect,” and he’ll make as much time for you as possible. Bolin makes sure that you feel loved and at peace with him-- -although, yes, he might be a biiit overprotective, Bolin also makes sure that you feel like you’re more than enough around him. In most situations, he’ll let you handle things on your own, but when things get really tough, Bolin makes sure that no one hurts you.

Thank you so so much, @jasmine-iroh!! I appreciate your ask, I had a great time writing this one. Stay safe, luv!! <hugs!>

And requests are always open for anything! I love y’all to pieces <333

<HUGS!!>

(and shoulder pats ;D)

#ILYYYYY #I was writing this in a tough time and this made me *jazz hands* smile #LUV YALLLLLL #bolin #bolin x reader #lok #legend of korra #legend of korra matchups #lok x reader #bolin lok #avatar #avatar the last airbender #atla #the last airbender #atla matchups #toph #toph x reader #toph atla

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cas-kingdom · 4 years

Text

A submission by @thorin-is-a-cuddler --- The Secret

A/N: The Tommy Shelby sister!reader treasure horde that is your tumblr has been my shelter from the ongoing surreal storm disaster that is the year 2020. I love your fanfictions so much that I wish I could become one of them myself. Instead of tricking biology and the internet into making that wish come true, I’ve spent my evening writing something for you in return. :)

word count: 2120

reader is the second youngest Shelby (age 17), setting is the first season bc I haven’t watched more than that :D

„Tommy?… Tommy!…“ You dropped the hand you had previously used to snap in front of your brother’s thoughtful expression, realizing it was useless. He was so deep in thought he didn’t even react to you gently pushing his arm. „Tommy, are you being serious right now?“

You raised a brow when you realized he hadn’t blinked just once during your attention-craving ordeal. He was seated at his table completely motionless, as if he were catatonic. The cigarette between his fingers was burning down all by itself. Drastic situations, drastic measures. You positioned your thumb underneath his fingers and flicked the cigarette out of his grip, sending it flying over the surface of his table. Ash was scattered over Tommy’s suit as he eventually blinked in confusion, looked down on his arm and started brushing off the dirt with a curse. „Fucking hell!!“ Still confused and sort of absent his gaze focused on you, a disapproving crease between his brows. „(Y/N), what the hell do you think you’re doing?“

„Me??“ You took a step back from the table, hands on hips. A feeling of worry about your brother mixed with the slight anger about his dismissive tone. „You’re one to talk big, sitting there like you’re sleeping with your eyes open. I could have stolen your books right out from underneath your nose.“

Tommy sighed and rubbed at his face with his hands, frustration evident on his features. Not with you, though, no, with himself. Frustration over you seeing him like that, over you being right about the stealing part. You tilted your head as the feelig of worry won over the anger you had felt riling up in your stomach. It appeared to you possible that you had accidentally said the truth. Tommy had been sleeping with his eyes wide open.

You watched him as he tried to regain some kind of control over himself, grabbing for the crystal bottle at the end of the table and pouring himself a glass of Scotch. Your eyes flickered from his hand to his face, trying to see through his ever-tough, ever-inaccessible Peaky Blinder mode. Tommy hadn’t always been this way.

Before the war, he had laughed more, had been more fun to fool around with. He had been more careless and less quiet than he was now. Day to day, he gave you more reason to worry about him now. Sometimes you caught yourself losing track of what he was saying during family meetings, because you were focusing too much on the tired, pale look on his face.

„So,“ Tommy said in his deep voice, blue eyes the color of water locking with your own, „what have you come to me for?“

You took a deep breath and straightened your back. You were wearing a smiliar outfit as he was, your black tie one of Arthur’s, your grey vest one of Tommy’s old ones. Your hair was falling long over your shoulders. „It’s actually not that important. Arthur wanted to know if he should fetch you some cigarettes. He’ll be off buying a bunch later. I’m supposed to tell him before.“ You took a chair and settled down on it on the other side of Tommy’s table.

It was hard to read in his face what he was thinking of that. His eyes stayed on your face intently.

„Until then, tell me.“ You put your elbows on your knees, leaning over the table, a little closer to him.

He cocked his head to the side slightly, fumbling around with his pocket to get out a cigarette. There was the slightest twitch in the corners of his lips, as he tiredly leaned forward to light the thing. „Tell you,“ he repeated calmly, fire glinting in front his lips, „tell you what, (Y/N)?“

You raised your eye-brows expectantly, a soft look on your face. „How ’bout you tell me why you sittin’ here like a corpse, starin’ your cigarette to death and freaking me out?“

The tiredness on his features intensified. He sighed quietly and drew on his cigarette, eyes darting around the room. „Was I, eh?“

You bit your bottom-lip and leaned back in the chair, arms crossed in front your chest. „Tommy, you know I’m only asking this because I’m hella worried about you.“

At that, he actually frowned. Tommy Shelby fucking frowned. Rendered speechless, he slightly squinted his eyes at you. You rolled your eyes with a sigh and reached over the table to take a sip from his Scotch, before putting it back in front of him. „If this was your last glass of Scotch,“ you tried, wiping at your lips, „your last one ever. What would you say to me? What would you want to get off your chest?“

Tommy actually released a tiny smile at your antics, softness spreading on his face. He put out his cigarette and grabbed the glass, holding it high enough to let a few rays of late afternoon sunshine reflect in the brown liquid. „My last glass.“ He saluted to you and downed the contents in one go. You looked at him patiently, waiting for his next words. His smile got a tad bit wider. „I just finished my last glass and what I really want to tell you, (Y/N), is this.“ He folded his hands in front of him, elbows on the table, leaning in closer to you. He took a deep breath, locking his eyes on you. Then he waved his hand in a sign for you to come closer. „Come here. It’s a secret.“

Your first instinct was to scoff, show him the finger and leave, at best kick something on your way out. On a normal day you might have done it. Your brothers could be ruthless when it came to teasing you and you had grown pretty accustomed to it.

But this wasn’t a normal day. You had caught Tommy sleeping wide-eyed over his treasured books, looking like a ghost. And for once, you two were alone and could use the time, no interruptions to be feared since everyone else was busy.

So instead of acting like the seventeen years old sister who was used to her brothers’ tricks, the ten year old girl from your past took over, a glow in your eyes as you got out of your chair to lean over the table and listen to Tommy whispering a secret into your ear.

„Don’t hit me though.“ You couldn’t help but mumble warily as he waved for you to get closer and closer. You were delighted to see him shake his head with a huffed laugh at your words.

„No. You’re too old for that, I fear.“

You were close enough for him to headbutt you now, which was also not a very nice experience, but since that was usually Arthur’s way to mess with you, you didn’t expect Tommy to do it.

„No, I will tell you a secret.“ He added quietly and bent his body forward slightly, his face coming closer to your ear. You realized you were tensing up. Brothers would be brother. Was that a mischievous glint in his eyes? „The secret is,“ you instinctively moved your shoulder closer to your neck, as his breath went so close to your sensitive skin, „it’s that you’ll never be too old for this.“

Before you had the chance to realize what he was doing, his head shot forward and he blew a ticklish reaspberry on your neck, his left hand keeping your head close with gentle force. You squealed, literally squealed and tried to pull away immediately, hitting aimlessly in Tommy’s general direction. He held your head close well enough, making your neck explode with the tingly tune he was playing on it. „NONONO NOOHOHO!! TOMMY STOOOOP!!“ You screeched as he repeated the mean attack time and time again, only stopping to take a breath, before managing to hit an even more ticklish part of your neck. You couldn’t help the mad giggles that were pouring out of you and were very close to crumbling into a tiny ball on your side of the table, just out of his reach, so he changed tactics. „Oh no,“ he growled, „you stay right here.“

With what could be called a high-pitched squeal you were lifted off the ground as Tommy’s hands grabbed you under your arms which already set off all the ticklish alarms in that general area to pull you over the table right into his arms. He easily gained control over your flopping, hitting, flailing form with his strong hands, as you tried to twist out of his lap and escape your ticklish fate. With your back pressed against his chest, he wrapped his arms around your upperbody, one hand slipping into the space under your left arm as the other one was quick to meander down to your right side, squeezing ’til you were wheezing. You were laughing so hard, your cheeks were turning a dark shade of red. With your head thrown back against his shoulder you were cursing his name, barely able to spit out a coherent word. „T-TOMMY!! YOUHOU’LL GO TO HEHHEHHELL!!!“

His chuckles vibrated against your back, as he managed to lift your left arm a little, getting better access to the highly ticklish spot just underneath.

„That is true.“ He sounded delighted, as if he were actually enjoyig himself. You tried to escape with a sudden bolt and he easily pulled you right back into the danger zone, even more of that low laughter flowing out of him - short and yet so effective. Honestly, you would have suffered through worse ordeals to hear just one of these short laughs he breathed out when he was happy. Helplessly you continued to shake in his embrace as his fingers scooted over your stomach, following your reactions to make out the spots that needed special attention. That was until you madly held on to his fingers and tried your best to keep them at a distance from your body. „Plehehhease!“ You cackled, the effort it cost you to keep his fingers where they were audible in your squeaky voice. „Stahahp, Tommy. No more tickling!“

„No?“

„NohohOHO!!“ Panicked laughter escaped you when he almost freed his hands from your grip - it wasn’t like he couldn’t do just that, but he was resisting the urge. „PleheASE Tommy! Pleeease!“

Another short laugh rumbled through his chest and down your back, making you feel safe and happy and comfortable, despite your nerve endings being on edge after that tickle attack. „Alright. Alright. I’m through with you. For now.“

You slumped against him, when he peacefully put his arms around you again, this time for holding you close on his leg, not for better access to your ticklish spots. Both of your were silently smiling for a while, you catching your breath, him rocking you back and forth. Then you bit your lip and pinched the skin on one of his arms, making him pull that arm back with a playful hiss.

„Ow.“ He sounded almost reproachful there, making you bark out a laugh again.

„You got nerve going ow after what you just put me through!“ He ducked his head with a grin when you tried to hit him over the back of it. You crossed your arms over your chest with a huff and he interpreted that as his cue to wrap his arms back around you comfortably, smoothing your temper with his warmth. „What was that for anyway?“ You comortably lay back, wrapping yourself up more in his hug.

Tommy smiled gently, tiredly. You saw his eye-lids fluttering dangerously often. „You want to know the real secret, little sister?“

Intently you watched his face over your shoulder, trying not to move too much in Tommy’s lap to keep from jostling him out of his sleepy haze. Fondly you watched as he was slowly, but securely falling asleep on your shoulder.

„Tell me the secret.“ You whispered, moving a hand up to caress his head.

„Cheering you up is cheering me up.“ He answered as he closed his eyes and nuzzled your shoulder, head too heavy to hold up anymore. „And I can sleep best, when…“

You turned your head when he stopped speaking. His face was peaceful, his breath was going smoothly and his eyes were closed. He didn’t have to finish the sentence for you to know what he had meant to say.

You, too, slept best when someone you loved was close and content.

And if Arthur entered Tommy’s bureau an hour later to ask for you and found both his siblings entangled on the chair, peacefully sleeping, he never said so out loud to either of you.

CK’s notes: you are the sweetest. im so unbelievably happy my stories make you feel that way; i write them for the exact same feeling. thank you for this. <3

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hongism · 4 years

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Hey, love...take care of yourself! I’m sorry to hear the news but above all, stay hydrated and keep your head held high. It’s a little tough...I know...but it’ll slowly get better. Promise. I’ve been there. Take your time, there is no need to rush! Get comfy and eat something nice, k? You are loved, valued and know that you are still enough! Nothing and nobody can change that! K? Okay! ✨💕🥺 love you!

thank you bby :c it’s rough right now but i know it’ll get better and i finally admitted that i do need more space and time to myself before even thinking about being friends so hopefully this will help and make things smoother on the healing process ;-; i have confidence that it will but im just trying to focus on being gentle with myself for the time being 🥺 im lucky to have you guys bc yall help me a ton and help me remember that im loved and valuewd, and it would be so much harder without yall ;-; i love you 🥺💗

#caly answers #thank you :c #i love u ;-;#sparklychangbin #ask

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dinosaur-anus · 5 years

Text

Namjoon (something I wrote in 2016)

So I found this in my google drive while I was cleaning things out; I know I don’t post often on here anymore, but I couldn’t really bring myself to delete this without having it immortalized in some way. I was an ARMY from the beginning (2013), and I always will be, even if this tumblr account eventually goes completely inactive. Thanks for reading!

I find Namjoon to be a really interesting person - his mannerisms, the way he speaks, walks, observes his surroundings, etc., is all very peculiar to me. I find myself watching him very intently, almost as if I'm trying to figure him out. There are many things about him that he keeps hidden. Like any other person, he has many layers and there are times where I'm subconsciously analyzing his behaviors. Of course he slips up from time to time; he's not perfect. In the past I, too, have said horrible things about people in order to fit into a crowd or appeal to a certain audience. But I've apologized and with the help of self reflection and self forgiveness, I've moved on. Watching him go through similar situations is inspiring and I can connect with him through that. I feel as though he is greatly misunderstood; he is almost always taken out of context when he says something 'controversial'. He is also greatly underappreciated- not just as a rapper, but also as a leader and a person. If he never persevered during his training while all of the previous BTS members were leaving, there wouldn't be BTS. People try to make it seem like he's trying to leave and go solo, but honestly I've never heard bigger bullshit in my life. You see the way he looks at them? I'm grinning now just thinking about it. Do you see the way he smiles at Tae and gently strokes his arm or back, or holds Jin's hand like it's a reflex, or how he pets Jimin's head when he's proud of him, or how he lets Jungkook hug the crap out of him even though Namjoon was initially only going for a handshake? Even the way he laughs at Hoseok's jokes and shakes his head but still gives him such a loving smile makes me happy. He talks about Yoongi like he's the fan and his elder is the celebrity. He goes on and on sometimes about how much he loves performing as a rap unit with him and Hoseok. He really values each member. He may express his affection differently than say, Jimin or Tae, but to me it is clear as day. He really adores them. And Jungkook has said countless times how much he looks up to him. It's obvious that Namjoon feels the pressure of being a role model to Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin. Even to the others, he's their rock. He holds onto all the stressful stuff and carries all their worries on his back. Why? Because he loves them. Not just because it's his job, but because he LOVES them. He's a gentle person who's hit bumps on the road throughout his life and is trying to make the best of the lessons he's learned. He's not perfect, but in Jungkook's eyes he's everything the kid wants to be. Passionate, determined, strong, ambitious, hardworking, resilient.. really I could go on. He's gone through a lot of shit as a teen, rapper, idol, and leader. People have said horrible things to him, and how he hasn’t tried to end it all is beyond me. Then again, he's much stronger than I am. I would've have crumbled under all the hate he gets. It's possible he's thought about it once or twice. He says he doesn't listen to his haters, but who knows if that's true other than him? Listening to songs like 'Too Much', emotion swells in my chest every time bc his pain is so /real/. His lyrics are beautiful and he delivers them with such raw emotion that it leaves me speechless. His frustration, anger, sadness - I can feel all of that when I listen to his music.

A lot of the time I'm asking myself "what more does he have to do to prove himself to you people?". He is constantly bending himself backwards for us. He's trying his best to take care of his family (the boys) all the while going through his own personal struggles. When I read his thoughts on how differently he now views things such as 'courage' and ‘self-love’, I feel as though he is showing a part of himself to us that he usually keeps tucked away. And by showing us intimate sides of him, he's trying to create a more person-to-person relationship with his fans rather than a celebrity-to-fan relationship. He's actually said before how he wants fans to view him as just a regular person trying to make the world a better, more bearable place with his music. He's always giving us encouraging messages and making sure we're doing alright. He's even once said that he knows a lot of us are going through tough times and he hopes the sound of his voice is able to hug us because, physically, he cannot. And people brush that stuff under the rug as though he never said it.

He allows his job to wear him down just so he could be there for the boys. He tries to hide the fact that he’s struggling sometimes, but I see it. I see the dark circles under his eyes, or the way he sits in the car silently while the others are shouting and making jokes. I see pictures of the members with him in the background staring into space or simply out of the window. I see how tired he is. I see his moments of exhaustion when he thinks the camera isn't there or the members aren't looking at him. I see how hard he works. I see the flash of fatigue in his eyes when he's done talking and the camera is moving on to the next person. I see the way he puts on a smile when Jimin walks up to him, or the way he leans into one of them absentmindedly to receive some kind of support. And I see how they give it to him. I see the looks of absolute wonder on Jungkook’s face whenever Namjoon speaks English. I remember every single time Jimin has said that he loves and appreciates Namjoon. I remember the time when Namjoon hugged each of them after winning an award and they happily hugged him back. I see the look of adoration in Tae’s eyes when he watches Namjoon speak or rap. I see the way Jin glows when Namjoon grabs the elder’s hand without thinking. When Yoongi talks about him he sounds like a proud brother. Yoongi knows Namjoon probably the most out of all of them. He knows all of the things Namjoon carries on his back, and he constantly reminds the boy that the more they share the burden, the farther they'll go. Hoseok has mentioned several times how inspiring he is and that he is a great friend and leader. Namjoon loves them so dearly, and they love him just as much.

Why is it so hard for this fandom to love him too?

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juupajaa · 4 years

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Hi I love you you're wonderful ♥️ How do you get so confident? I want to make art and be cheerful and productive but I always doubt myself and never finish any projects and it's easier to just be mopey and lay on the couch all the time instead of doing things that will make me happy. Do you have any tips?

Hi hello thank you I love you too🐦

Hate to break the illusion but I'm mopey most days too😅 I'm known for an amazing resting bitchface and I'm a really quiet, reserved and nervous mess irl. I rarely post my Bad Shit™️ here bc I wanna keep this a nice place to come to, but trust me, no one is cheerful and productive all the time.

Doesn't mean you can't practice tho! First step is to find something that makes you feel better. For me it's cleaning, like yall have no idea how calm I feel when I get to scrub stains out of sinks and countertops. But some more common things would be listening to music, reading, going for a walk, pampering (like doing your nails or having some tea or whatever). Usually there are things that will make you feel a little better right away, you just gotta figure out what those things are.

Once you find something like that, you can try to do it to lift you mood just enough for you to try tackling some bigger task afterwards, like sitting down with a project or doing chores.

It's really hard to just pick up a task if you're feeling shitty, so it's 5/5 strategy to try improve your mood first before even trying to take on boring/hard tasks.

Sometimes if I dont feel like doing anything, I tell myself that I'm gonna do literally nothing (phone away, just lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling) for like twenty minutes and see if I feel like doing something else by then. Usually I'm so bored after ten minutes that I just get up and start doing something, but sometimes it also feels really nice to just exist for a little while without any distraction.

There's also ways you can trick your body into feeling more energetic. Taking a couple of sharp inhales, doing a quick stretch of arms neck and back, or even jumping in place a couple of times will get your blood flowing better and pulse a little bit higher and you'll instantly feel more ready to go.

Sometimes, if nothing else works, I have a pep talk with myself. I tell myself that now I'm gonna get up from the couch and go drink some water and then do this and then do that. I will narrate to myself what I'm doing so it'll feel a little simpler.

What also helps me is to give myself a specific time frame. Like I might be just flat lining all morning and then I decide that when it's one in the afternoon, I'm gonna sit down to write for at least an hour. If nothing good comes out of it, that's fine, at least I tried for an hour.

You can be really gentle with yourself or really strict, whichever works better at the time. Sometimes I'm out here whipping myself to death and sometimes I'm being so nice and patient with myself, depending on how I'm feeling. It really is easier to just be mopey and lay in bed all day, so some tough love every now and then might be needed if you're being really stubborn, but you should also remember that slow days and even slow weeks are normal and there's nothing wrong with having them. No one is at 100% all the time and you have a battery, just like your phone does. Remember to recharge.

Also about confidence 😂 I'm not very confident at all tbh. I only feel confident about a few things I know I can do/I'm good at but in general I'm constantly worrying I'm not being good enough. I keep stressing out about the stupidest things but that's kinda just me and how I am and I'm pretty ok with that. You get more confident when you have positive experiences, for example you successfully have small talk with someone without it turning awkward or you messing up somehow. For example, just today I was picking up persimmons at my store and this old dude asked me what they were called bc he had never seen them before. At first I panicked a little but then I said that they're persimmons and that they taste a little like mangos and it all went well after all. I got a good confidence kick out of that for the whole day✌

Hope this helped! Go clear up your desk and try doing something fun for a little while and see what happens.

#answered

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shadowatching · 6 years

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Hey love! I’m so happy to see a new blog and I can feel that you’re already a favorite ;). Ok so, I’m a 5’10 Mexican girl with a sharp tongue. I have a big heart and always help where I can. I’m tough when I need to be and I don’t let people walk over me, choosing to call them out loud af. Some of my hobbies are reading, having adventures with my friends, and learning about history. Can I have this be with s76? (Or anyone who you think would fit me bc tbh idk how to match myself) thank you!!

HOW WOULD THEY BREAK YOU? ( CLOSED ) - 13 / 21

Having adventures with your friends? Are you guys like, slaying dragons? Fighting crime? Getting lost on the subway system in the rough part of town?

I guess the only important question here is: can I come with? I want to have adventures.

Rating: Sa/fe for W/ork

Warnings: Extreme social isolation, emotional abuse, nonconsensual use of drugs, needles/medical equipment, implied drug dependency, military themes, physical exertion, use of a shock collar. Jack is a little too methodical and efficient with this shit, but if we’re being honest that’s really not surprising.

---------------------------------------------------------

SOLDIER 76:

Why he’d work well with you: (because I do think he would!)

- Part of what draws him to you is your earnest, empathetic heart. Normally that soft, giving attitude would be found on someone sensitive and understated, but you’re a hell of a far cry from a pushover. You stand up for yourself (and even others) without a second thought, and he can’t shake his fascination with that easy, natural strength.

- Perhaps, in some ways, you remind him of who he used to be.

- Taming you will be one of the greater challenges he’s faced in life, but he didn’t survive the Enhancement Program for lack of will and fortitude. He overcame the serum, he overcame the collapse of Overwatch, and he’ll overcome you, too.

- There may be some bloodshed between the two of you, in that you are so like Gabriel that sometimes he just loses it. But every time you hold your own, he remembers why he had to have you.

- Although your thirst for mental stimulation, for information, may run you into some trouble with 76, it also makes you quite adept at solving the puzzle that is him. Once you get a handle on his personality, his moods, and, maybe if you play your cards right, his history-- you’ll find yourself equipped not only to handle him, but to hold your own as well.

- If all ends well, the two of you will be on the same level, able to keep each other engaged and challenged.

---------------------------------------------------------

How he’d break you:

- In many ways, your life begins a lot like you’ve entered a bootcamp you definitely did not enlist for.

- For the first few weeks, you don’t even see your captor. An alarm blares shrill and angry in your eardrums at fuck o’clock in the morning (or at least, you assume it is. there’s no natural light to indicate time), and a bodiless voice pushes you through a series of menial, exhausting physical tasks.

- The handy little collar secured around your neck ensures that it’s in your best interest to obey. On days you’re particularly unruly or rebellious, the labor drags on for hours longer than usual. When dinner comes through the little slot in the door that’s built like it’d be the last thing standing in a nuclear fallout, it’s a gray, tasteless gruel.

- You shiver through the night on a cheap, scratchy cot with a thin, standard-issue infantry blanket, and you start to wonder if you actually have somehow ended up in a military prison.

- The voice is not sympathetic to your questions, and is overall unresponsive. Your only indication of being watched by a real human being, is the jarring zap your collar delivers when you misbehave.

- And then, after so long that you’re sure your missing persons posters have begun to peel off their walls and bulletin boards, hope lost and then forgotten-- your meals begin to improve. Less meatloaf and veggie loaf and other loafed atrocities, and more meals that have flavor. Meals that leave you feeling full and sated.

- After one particularly filling dinner, you feel groggy. Unbalanced, nauseous, weak in the knees. Distantly, you think you should have known better than to trust this new development.

- You wake up to a soft bed and a warm body spooning you from behind. When you think to fight, jerking away and thrashing, there’s a deep sigh and a sleepy grumble from the stranger. You recognize that voice, dread filling you to the core, and before you can do much more than scramble to your feet, he has you wrestled down to the floor with the cap of a syringe in his teeth and a needle in your shoulder.

- This time whatever he gives you isn’t strong enough to knock you out, but you can’t do much more than feebly stumble towards any door you can find. They’re always locked, but you try and try until large, firm hands steer you away. The world is a hazy mess, pieces of memory constantly shifting like snapshots of a dream.

- You’re certain no one is looking for you anymore, and no matter how much you hate him, how much you loathe him, the man that haunts you in this nightmare is the only human you’ve seen in months. Maybe longer.

- He holds you close when you can’t fight him, rubs gentle hands over your back and shoulders and lets his simple touch remind you how bone-achingly lonely you are.

- When he starts to ease you off the sedatives, it doesn’t take long for you to notice. Suddenly the world isn’t cloudy, everything is so crisp and clear and loud and bright, and half of you wants to run until your legs give out while the other half wants to curl back up underneath that blanket of soothing, muffled fog.

- He tells you it’s going to be alright, you just have to adjust to things normally again. Says you might be in withdrawal, but you’ll get through it. Both of you.

- Paltry resistances wrack the tenuous relationship he’s forming with you, but whenever you fall asleep on the bathroom floor, exhausted from crying and from feeling everything and nothing at all, you wake up the same as you did that first morning.

- Privileges come slow and steady, a book here and a movie there. Things to do while he’s gone. He even tolerates some pushback, will entertain an argument, even a fight or a struggle. Although he’s wearing you down hard and mercilessly, he does have fun when that sharp-tongued personality begins to show itself once more.

- However, stepping over the line once or twice too many times has you waking on a rickety cot in a sealed room, familiar band around your neck. It doesn’t matter when you sob or beg or rock on your heels for hours, curled in a ball on the floor. You serve your sentence in his hellish bootcamp, for however long his whims have decided. You never know how long it will be, only that you have no choice but to endure until he’s satisfied.

- And when you return to waking in that familiar bed, comfortable and warm and finally not alone, you begin to wonder if resistance is worth the price- or if this is really so bad, after all.

#soldier 76 x reader #jack morrison x reader #overwatch reader insert #reader insert drabbles #overwatch matchup #dark overwatch #dark reader insert #dark soldier 76 #yandere soldier 76 #event: character breaks #character: soldier 76 #length: headcanons #rating: sfw #theme: kidnapping #kidnapped!reader #captive!reader #inbox: anonymous visitor

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cielleduciel · 5 years

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I have some sensitive questions, and you totally don’t need to answer if they’re too much, but here they are. Did you ever struggle w internal homophobia? If so, how did you manage to overcome it?? And my last question: any tips for softly breaking it to Albanian parents? I know people are individuals but its still the same culture so..

• Same anon as before!! I am an 18-year-old girl that was born and raised in the US. Thank you so much, and take as much time as you need to answer.

• I would also like to add that I’ve struggled with this for a pretty long time now (since I was around 12), so it’s not like I realized my preferences just recently. For years I’ve been telling myself that it’s just a phase or I’m just starved of affection (so I’m looking for it in the wrong place) or that I just haven’t met the right guy yet. I feel disgusted with myself, and it’s very tiring and emotionally consuming. Add in my Albanian relatives on top of it, and I’m just done with it all.

thanks for your patience anon, this last week’s been a bit hectic for me

first off i’m flattered by that first question, bc i was the most self-hating repressed closet gay i knew. i started off as that kid that was like “i don’t have a problem with gay people i just don’t think they should get married and i hate it when they ‘act’ gay”. i went through three boyfriends and two different sexual orientations before i finally accepted i was a lesbian, which took me until april of last year. so if that’s hard to imagine then i know i’m doing good for myself, and maybe it can give you some reassurance too

tbh i don’t think any of us can ever actually avoid or stop struggling with internalized homophobia, given that we’re all inundated with those messages every day in big or small ways. i think at best i just learned how to stop listening to it so much. it took me a really long time though and honestly at your age you’re already way ahead of me than i was, the questions you’re asking yourself now are ones i couldn’t bear to face even in my early 20s

my personal struggle has been very much connected to my family and growing up as a 1½-gen albanian immigrant. if your family and upbringing are anything like mine, then you might understand, and they’re probably just as closely related to your struggle as well. don’t take what i say here as gospel since this is all from personal experience and i’m not even 100% where i want to be yet. but i know how lonely it is for us out there, so i’ll try to be as real with you as i can without getting too personal (idk if this readmore will work on mobile so my apologies and just scroll down really fast @ anyone not reading this)

first thing: don’t be in a rush to tell your parents, even if you’re an adult, and especially if you’re still dependent on them. i assume you’re asking for tips because you already know or have reason to suspect that they won’t take it well. and if you’re still struggling to accept yourself, your parents’ & relatives’ opinions are the last thing you need to be worrying about right now (i know easier said than done we’re albanian i Understand but like. trust me)

second: i really think learning how to stop listening to that internalized homophobia is just a slow process of learning to normalize your feelings in opposition to it. truly the most important thing i did for myself was surround myself with other bi/lesbian women as a way to counter everything else in my life that was telling me to hate myself. the key here is that i did that for years. the logic goes like this: if my world was already and will always be filled with heteronormativity and homophobia, then to fight it, i needed a space i could come back to that’s filled with what i needed to see and could make it feel as normal as i logically knew it was

i didn’t have the freedom to reach out to others IRL so i sought out bi/lesbian women online and immersed myself in those communities. i filled my online spaces with people like me who could show me every day that what i was feeling was genuine, normal, healthy, whole, positive, and worth embracing. when i really began to internalize that, self-confidence and assurance just kind of naturally followed, which made it easier to shout down and ignore the Internalized Homophobia Gremlin in my brain

another thing too, and this’ll sound silly. idk if you’re into video games but they were also a big part of my normalization process. i love role-playing games and for years i used them as a private, risk-free, judgment-free way to “experiment” with women and allow my feelings to “run free” after repressing/ignoring them for so long. i personally know other LGBT people who discovered themselves in similar ways (through DnD, for example). something to consider if that’s your thing. but media of all kinds can be powerful normalizing tools too, if you can find decent ones to your liking

i had to be really patient and gentle with myself though, and you’ll have to be too bc there really is no quick fix, we’re up against years of internalizing this crap since we were born, basically. do whatever you need to fight against it though, bc there is literally, objectively, nothing wrong with you. you deserve to be happy just as you are, you deserve love and to be able to find it with another woman, and remember you’re never alone in this even if it feels like you are. i think that’s the most powerful reminder

back around to your last question, worry about coming out to your parents when you’re on more solid ground, bc it doesn’t sound like you are rn. everyone’s parents are different but as a general rule i’ve found that when trying to broach a difficult subject, you really need to have your back up against a point that you refuse to budge on, and plant yourself there. you can negotiate or make arguments around it but you need that one point that you’re absolutely sure of where you’ll always hold your ground

in coming out to them, that point needs to be your identity and everything attached to it, so your confidence and sense of self need to be as solid and unmoving as a fucking mountain so that they can’t dig into you and undermine your conviction. esp bc tbh it’s entirely likely that you’ll have to have that conversation several times. so that’s why i stress working on yourself first. for your own sake, don’t jump the gun on this

also, it’ll be much easier on you if you’re not always stuck under the same roof, or at least not totally dependent on them. and i know that’s tough and complicated because a lot of us never truly “move out”, per se, and it’s normal for us to stay with our parents/family for a very long time. but if you can find a way, arrange something with friends, etc., i find it really helps with your general confidence to know you have somewhere else you can go unconditionally, without restrictions. and i don’t mean “rush to move out as soon as you can”, bc like i said, i know that’s hard on us for many reasons and it may hurt you more than you think it will. but if it’s a point you can get to eventually, it does help

after all this, if/when you eventually do decide to come out, i recommend you tell only one of your parents at first. whichever one you’re closer with or find easier to talk to (i’d say ideally whoever’s the least homophobic but like. lmao). do it privately and when you’re both in a good mood. i find altogether this makes the atmosphere less confrontational and more personal, a show like you’re “confiding” in them moreso than making an announcement. depending on how it goes i think you can adjust your strategy from there

even still, i can’t say with any confidence that it will go over well, but it’s as gentle a way to break it to them as i know. if on the very off chance you have another relative who you know is sympathetic and won’t go telling the entire rest of the family immediately, i’d say try reaching out to them first, as it’ll give you “practice” talking about it and they may be able to advise you about your own parents better than i can, as well as support you directly. but even this i would only do after you’re more confident in yourself and your identity

in the end, keep in mind that you don’t have to come out either. it’s not like a requirement for loving yourself. many of us stay closeted to our families for a very long time simply bc it’s safer, easier, and smarter wrt our situations. again, i know that’s complicated because of how tight-knit our families are traditionally, and how much we may want to remain close to them for cultural reasons. at some point it may make it difficult to hide (my mom started suspecting i liked girls before i even knew i liked girls. it was scary). but like, i’m 27 and i’m still not out to most of my family (my dad doesn’t even know). it doesn’t stop me from being a proud albanian lesbian, or from having and maintaining a happy & healthy relationship with my girlfriend. it doesn’t have to stop you either

and…. i think that’s really all i can say. sorry for taking so long and also for talking so much. i hope i could help even a little, or if not, at least offer some reassurance. it’s a good sign that you’re reaching out and trying to get a handle on your feelings, so keep at it, and remember you’re not alone out there. there are so many of us in the world living our lives and trying to build a future and support each other. i really think you’ll be fine

#asks #blog chatter #long post

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