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moochalove · 6 months

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Last Nights Mistakes and New Beginnings (Pt. 2)

(yandere!kazuha x pregnant!reader x scaramouche)

Another part finished!!! This kinda scratches my brain but i need more…. so expect a part 3….

i got into some darker themes and I intend to keep them around so please be warned.

word count: idk but it’s pretty long 🗣️

not proofread 😋

TW: panic attacks, yandere themes, implied noncon but nothing detailed

Rolling over to stretch you notice the sun seeping through your curtains. Ah, that’s right, he’s still here. Well you suppose it wouldn’t hurt to drop him off wherever he needed to be, then come back and sleep some more. With one last stretch you stumble out of bed, heading to the living room you notice Scara curled up with the blankets surrounding him. He even sleeps weirdly….. You stop and think for a moment, should you wake him up? Or should you just let him sleep longer…

“It’s not nice to stare, Y/n.”

Cutoff from your thoughts you take a few steps back, eyes settling back down onto his now awake figure. “S-sorry, I was just trying to figure out whether to wake you or not- I…” Rubbing his eyes he throws the blankets off of himself. “Yeah yeah, save it.”

And you thought you were cranky when woken up early, huh.

“I’ll give you some time to get ready.” Turning on your heel you walk back to your personal bathroom wanting to wash up quickly, “By the way, hope you slept well.” You weren’t sure why you were inclined to say that. Shrugging it off you leave him to gather his stuff. Scara, on the other hand was taken aback by the comment. Was he a flustered? Maybe. Surprised? Definitely. Was he gonna reciprocate the act somehow? Hell no, it’s not like he owes you anything! Nope, nothing at all! Huffing he folds up the blanket before placing it back in the basket.

While reaching down he notices a funny looking book, “How to prepare for motherhood!” Did your sister leave it here? He was curious to ask you more questions but it definitely wasn’t his place. Shrugging he ignores it and tosses the somewhat neatly folded blanket onto the book.

Coming out of the bathroom your face was freshly clean, teeth: brushed, hair: combed, contacts in if needed. You were dressed casually, but still wearing a baggy shirt so no one would notice your baby bump. Grabbing your keys you jangle them around before teasing, “let’s go drop the baby off~!” “Ugh, as if!” his face is slightly red and churned. He combs his hand through his hair- you are reminded of a certain someone by this singular action.

Staring at him your mind floods back positively bad feelings. The way he treated you oh so gently, like a porcelain doll that would crack under too much pressure. And the way he pleased you like a lover should. As if he’d been a starving man and you, his first meal- but it seems you were just a side dish- an appetizer before the real meal he could ravish any other day.

Scaramouche stared back at you a little distraught, “Oh my g- What is it now? You look like a deer in headlights.” He’s already poking your face and shaking you slightly.

Your mind is retelling you the events of that night at a pace you can’t even comprehend. The tight feeling in the head that hurts so much yet feels hollow and empty is telling you something’s wrong but you haven’t been caught up to speed yet-

“Hey, this isn’t funny! What’s wrong?” he sounds genuinely concerned.

Once your mind starts running at a pace you can’t imagine, it starts linking certain events of your life together like it’s some tragic movie. A horrible one at that.

Scara is shaking you now he’s practically begging you to snap out of it. Oh, how you would laugh at the way he’s begging, the way he’s actually concerned. You wouldn’t think someone like him had it in him.

By the time you regain consciousness you’re lying on the couch with an ice pack on your head with a straw attached to a bottle of water. Trying to move and get up at the sudden reminder that you were supposed to drop Scara off you shoot up only for your head to pound in return, “Ow… what the f-“ this action causes you to lay back down.

Scara is practically inches away from you, eyes wide with relief and a small smile plastered on his dumb looking face. “You’re awake! I was sooooo- um..” he quickly backs off with a sigh, “I was just getting tired of being here, was just about to call someone to come pick me up. But it seems sleeping beauty has finally woken up!”

“What the hell happened?” you reach to hold your head, slowly recounting the events that led up to a blank space in your mind. Your face scrunches up, realizing you had a panic attack in front of Scaramouche…. You contemplated on telling him the truth of making up some random bullshit. Both of you look like you’re about to say something, “So-“ “I’m-“, with a small chuckle of you both wait to see who will speak first.

“I just wanted to say that i’m.. I’m sorry for whatever that was earlier. I don’t know what came over me. Perhaps I didn’t get enough sleep.” Your words trail off and your ears start to feel a little warm. “It’s okay, Y/n, I-I was worried about you, you know?” Scaramouche trailed his last words, looking off at some painting you have hanging up on your wall, “Anyways… I’m not too sure what happened with you but it’s none of my business so don’t try n explain yourself because I really don’t care ,” you could only feel a little guilty and embarrassed but you nodded along, “Let’s go grab some dinner.” Huh? Why did he wanna get dinner? Perhaps he felt bad about what he said? Oh well, it’s free food! Surely you would need to replenish all your engere after this whole ordeal. Plus, you needed to stay healthy so the growing life within you can stay alive and healthy.

You’re hit with a sudden realization that you’re not wearing an oversized shirt or sweater of some sort. Had he removed it in attempt to see if there was something physically wrong? Like a wound of some sort? Okay- maybe if you get up slow enough he surely won’t notice? right? RIGHT? Just act natural- slow and steady does it! Or do you just look awkward slowly rising? Hit with a sudden way of embarrassment you shoot up before turning to run to your room to change, “O-oh no…. I forgot my phone… in my room… haha… i’ll be back….!” slamming the door behind you you’re sliding the oversized hoodie on and grabbing your phone then putting some casual slip-ons. When you walk out you notice the previous hoodie folded up to where you were laid.

“O-okay! let’s go!” He can tell you’re still frazzled just by the way you’re so inconsistent with your actions and moods. Maybe it was just “that time of the month” for you. Scara knows how scary women can become during that time. It’s best if he just ignores it and goes along like nothings wrong, lest you end up berating him like his sister did that one time.

The car ride was silent, only asking where he wanted to eat and some small talk.

When your food comes out, piping hot and steaming, you’re fighting the urge to cool it the best you can before shoving it in your mouth, very well knowing that choice would result in a burnt tongue, and the roof of your mouth scorched. Scaramouche on the other hand- he’s taking his time cutting the food up into nice bite-sized pieces, although you see he’s also fighting the urge to scarf down uncut meat that’s laid on his plate. You both hadn’t eaten all day after all so of course you’re making an excessive amount of noise with exaggerated huffs and puffs, blowing your food cold. The way you’re both chugging your drinks down. I’m sure you would both regret ordering the amount of drinks you did when the bill is shown.

Both of you stare at each other while the bill sits in the middle of the pile of plates that would soon be taken away.

“Well, I take this is your treat? Of course for making me stay longer than I wanted to-“ before he can finish you’re cutting him off with a overdramatic voice, “Oh thank you! I’m so relieved knowing that you are paying tonight!” He can only scoff, he’s using an unopened straw and pushing towards you. Your face churns as you can practically feel your hairs popping out but you still put on a cocky smile, “I’m sure you’re well aware of what you just did? Whoever comes in contact with the bill must pay-“ “IT WASNT DIRECT CONTACT!” With another overdramatized action you’re pulling out your wallet with a slight ‘sigh’. All the while Scara is watching joyfully.

On the way back to the car you get a phone call.

Maybe it was a work related issue? Not wanting to risk it being an important call you answered it.

What happened next you could’ve never anticipated would happen.

All you really remember was that the call consisted of Kazuha, who was clearly drunk, and busying himself with a woman as you could hear giggles, moans and whimpers coming from himself and the other participant. He claimed you left with Scaramouche and he was still with you. Claiming how he must’ve left with you, since he went missing after you both got kicked out, and how he never came back to their shared apartment. The way he kept reiterating that he “wasn’t upset, just disappointed” I mean, he wasn’t wrong- you did leave with him but it’s not like you guys did anything? It scared you a bit how controlling he was trying to be even though you weren’t even in a relationship with him. The last thing he said before he hung up was that he would be over soon and that he didn’t want to hear any excuses. It scared you even more how he kept his calm and collected demeanor up. If it weren’t for the context you’re sure you’d be excited to see him.

Scaramouche is already waiting in the car, growing impatient by the second. Once you sit down your mind starts to slowly pick up the pace. What do you do? He said he would be there soon? How soon? Was he just planning to talk it out? Was he worried about his friend? Should you be honest? What if- A hand placed on your shoulder snaps you from thoughts. “Knock it off. You’re doing that thing again.” Hah, it was obvious that you were freaking out. Taking a deep breath you start to explain the situation. By the time you get halfway through explaining Scara is urging you to drop him off at his house and for you to get home and lock up, or go to a friends house.

The car ride was… something to say the least…. Speeding when nobody was around then acting like normal law-abiding citizens the next second.

Tires screech loudly from when you slammed on the brakes. Scara practically went flying and hit the window. He’s unbuckling the once neglected seatbelt, before he you exchange numbers in case anything happens, like if he needs to contact the authorities if you can’t. Stumbling to the backyard to sneak in. You, on the other hand, you’re speeding back home on the back roads. You had planned on parking inside the garage and locking up. From what Scara had told you, every now and then Kazuha will get absolutely wasted and make the worst decisions possible.

Also mentioning that ever since his friend’s death he’s been a lot more controlling of certain people. Like apparently one time he was so invested in the woman he was practically bat-shit-crazy over her, tracking her every move, monitoring who she spoke with, what she wore, and even some of her actions. Once she had enough and wanted a break from him he let her go, surprisingly he let her go, but soon after she was allegedly admitted to a mental hospital. Surely these are just rumors, right? There’s no way that someone like sweet and caring Kazuha would actually be like this? Right?

Once you’re parked you’re heading inside and locking everything up. One thing you should’ve did was let a friend know of the situation but it totally slipped your mind.

You decide to wait it out in your room. Laying on your back and gently rubbing your stomach, “It’s okay. Mommy is gonna be okay. So please, don’t worry..” Your skin is stretching every day, it’s an uncomfortable process but a needed change. It’s not like anyone was gonna see your body again after this. Nope, the one time you drop the “strong independent young woman destined to be the next ceo act” you end up pregnant, and the father also happens to be a sleazy alcoholic who was also crazy.

You could feel the sorrow in your heart. Eventually, you would have to tell your child that he shouldn’t be the kind of man his father was. Well, that can be something you worry about in the far distant future, for now you just gotta keep him alive and well.

There’s a gentle knock at the door.

You just have to wait it out.

It turns louder, more impatient.

It’s now a loud pounding. You can hear your name being called gently despite the knock being the opposite.

•

It stopped. Maybe he’s finally regained his composure and is willing to give up. Huh? Is the door know rattling? Really? Is he really trying to do what you think he’s doing? Crap. You don’t have enough time to hide.

Once the door swings open you’re locking your bedroom door and reach for your phone. Hell. you need help. Oh god. He’s already at the door, rattling the door handle and banging on the door. You’ve barely opened the keypad. You’re frantically tapping the screen.

Once the call goes through you feel as if you’ve been saved! Surely they’ll come help!

A hand is placed over your mouth firmly, “Ah, i’m so sorry, it seems my girlfriend’s sister dialed this number! Yes. I assure you everything is alright! No, no need to send someone over. I understand, we’ll give her a thorough talking. Thank you.”

Once you hear the call end your blood runs cold. You want to scream and make a break for the door but you’re not sure if you can make it.

Kazuha lets out a huff before combing through his hair, “I wish you would just talk to me, Y/n. I wish you would just listen.” He tosses the phone off into some corner before he’s pushing you down on the mattress.

You try protesting to his attempts to undress you, yelling at him saying he’s drunk and that he’s being delusional. It seems to go through one ear out the other, he’s not listening. But his calm and lover-like demeanor is present all the while. He’s kissing you gently and whispering sweet nothings in your ear, he’s feeling up and down your body, squeezing whatever his hands can grab. You hate how he’s acting like he didn’t do anything wrong. You want to scream and disappear from the face of the earth, hoping to never see his face again.

Kissing your neck seems to draw you from your thoughts, “My sweet little princess, be honest with me. What did you do with him?” you gulp nervously (or is it from fear?) you reply, “After we got kicked out, I dropped him off at his moms place. I swear baby- we didn’t do anything. It’s not him I love, it’s you!” oh how you wished to rip your tongue out and scrub it clean. With a ‘tsk’ Kazuha is starting to fiddle with his pants, “I already told you to not make excuses. Please, sweetheart, just tell me what you did and i’ll forgive you.” Covering your face, hiding your eyes, threatening to spill unwanted tears you try refuting but he seems to stuck on the idea you “cheated” even though you did nothing wrong.

The rest of the night is another blurry one, but not from the alcohol, from unwanted memories. From that day on you tell yourself you’re gonna take a break from work and fly home to spend the rest of your pregnancy with your family. Sure it seemed irresponsible and you didn’t exactly have the funds for it but you’re sure once you tell your parents your situation they’ll understand and lend a helping hand.

•

Scaramouche on the other hand, he’s sitting in his younger self’s bedroom, everything is outdated to his likings now but some things remain to what he still enjoys. A cracked phone lays before him, wondering if he should call to see if you’re alright, perhaps the situation has changed? Biting the skin of his inner cheek he decided against it, ultimately deciding to call in a few days.

Fiddling with the cheap metal rings on his fingers his mind keeps wandering back to the idea of you. Had you really caught his interest? You? Of all people? Pfft, as if some lowly scum such as yourself could dare to invade his mind! Yet, here you are. The way you laugh, your smile, your everything. It truly captivated him.

He thinks back to how you both practically agreed to take care of your new baby, Meowmeow. Hopefully you would be able to feed her tonight. He needs to consult his mother about his new cat so he can get all the finical support he needs. Although he’s sure she’ll just flash him a dumb smile saying, “Oh, such a silly thing to want to invest in. Well, it’s not like you ask for much so i’ll be a good mom and help my son!” or at least something along those lines.

His mind also plagued him with not so happy thoughts, like the idea of you truly disliking him and pushing him away. Maybe revoking his rights to care for your stray animal and shutting him out forever. No use in worrying about it now, it’d be best to do something else for now. Even when his mind would slip in images of you here and there. Oh well, it’s not like he didn’t mind.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin x y/n #fem!reader #genshin angst #pregnant!reader #kazuha x reader #yandere!kazuha #kazuha x fem!reader #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x fem!reader #implied yandere #tw noncon #fluff to angst #tw panic attack

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aftgficrec · 13 days

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oh i caught you open! can we get some either andrew & kevin or neil & kevin being best friends and supporting each other? i feel like they're not explored enough and the potential is right there :)

Luckily, Kevin and Andrew’ friendship is a topic the fandom is pretty interested in. So much so that we’ve split this ask. In this post we’re concentrating entirely on Andrew and Kevin, Neil & Kevin’s friendship will be addressed in another ask. - S

Some previous recs:

Andrew & Kevin’s friendship here

Kevin & Andrew’s relationship here

Kevin as Andrew’s best friend here

Kevin’s friendship with Andreil here

‘Where The Wild Things Are’ here

‘I know that you'll come if you want’ here

‘N for nebulous’, ‘And Then There Was One’ and ‘Wear it to Eden's’ here

‘Reckless’ here

‘Trust Me’ here

‘Searchlights’ here

‘fugue in red’ here

splinters beneath our nails by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 3719 words, complete, 2023]

Andrew hasn’t decided what to do about Kevin Day. A few days ago, he’d have said that Kevin was dead to him. If things had gone differently, that might still be true. Today, he walks up to the car and throws open the door.

Not again by LetThemCuddle [Rated G, 698 words, complete, 2023]

Andrew circled the stony striker when silence answered him. “Hello? Anybody home? The answer is yes, a lot of nobodies, just one is missing. I’ll give you three guesses.” “Pass.” “Never took you for a quitter. This is quite refreshing.” The goalie quipped, lighting a smoke. “Come on, the cars’ still running.” “I’m going to stay here.” Kevin’s quiet voice echoed through the abandoned stadium. Somber, lacking the usual spiteful energy he towed.

right on time by dayurno [Not Rated, 10915 words, complete, Aftg Mixtape Exchange 2023]

"Has your Butcher called back yet?" Oh. “No,” Kevin replies, frowning slightly. “It’s understandable. He is a busy man.” “Kevin Day making excuses,” pulling away, Andrew puts down, “at this rate, you might just write his name on the margins of your books with hearts around it.” “What? No, why would I do that?” “Why wouldn’t you?” Kevin gives him a perplexed look. “Andrew, do you think I like the Butcher of Baltimore?” Alternatively, when the Butcher of Baltimore issues an order for his subordinates to bring him his childhood idol, he forgets what his choice of career entails. Kevin would hold it against him if he didn't find the man so fascinating.

tw: (accidental) kidnapping

Rescue Me by Demiwitchwoodwalker [Rated T, 4564 words, complete, 2022]

“I can protect you, from him and yourself,” Andrew said in a tone Kevin couldn’t quite place after a long moment filled with nothing but the muffled noise of the game playing on Kevin’s laptop. “I can help you stay instead of running further or back.” Kevin stared at him then, finally letting himself actually look at him, and the same feeling from before returned, feeling like a hand clenched itself around his lungs and heart. He pushed his laptop closed, the game’s audio abruptly cutting off, and turned slightly to face Andrew, whose expression had shifted back into the grin that seemed to constantly be present in the day and whose eyes looked almost dead. Kevin’s lips parted, words rising in the back of his throat, but he couldn’t get them past his tongue. How was he supposed to do this? The memory of Andrew the night before floated through his mind again, when he was as close to sober as he could get, more vulnerable than Kevin felt he’d ever seen a person despite the fact that Kevin was the one halfway through a breakdown. "Why?" --- Aka, how Kevin and Andrew make their deal. (Potential triggers are listed in the tags, please be careful!)

tw: self harm, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced suicidal thoughts

The Tide by zoeellendraws [Rated G, 20473 words, complete, 2022]

Kevin and Andrew participate in a showcase that could make or break their ballet careers and discover a promising new talent in the process. Or Mysterious Ballet AU

tw: implied/referenced violence

I came for the safety (stayed 'cause you made me feel) by Charcoalll [Rated M, 4621 words, complete, 2021]

“Day? We’re gonna get you out of here okay? Minyard’s gonna make sure you get out of here and down to the bus” Kevin looked over Wymack’s shoulder where he could see the figure of the small blonde man. Kevin nodded, how could he do anything but nod? These people were sticking out their neck for him in a way he couldn’t remember anyone doing before. No words could ever describe his thankfulness. Or: A little glimpse into Andrew and Kevin's relationship before, during and after AftG.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced alcohol abuse

biting down by vincevangothh [Rated T, 2257 words, complete, Aftg Exchange 2017]

kevin learns that in order to understand something, you have to allow yourself to learn, and talks to andrew about neil. '“Did I or did I not tell you that you have asked as many free questions as you are permitted to today?” This time, as Andrew snaps, Kevin hears it. “Free?” he asks around a mouthful of rice, swallowing hastily before he continues. “So if I give you something, I can ask more?” It's a rhetorical question, but Andrew grants him a small nod anyway. “Neil and I have - had - a thing.” Kevin agonisingly anticipates his next words as Andrew scoops up another mouthful of food. Static silence stretches out between them until he swallows again. “Truth for truth. For everything you ask me, I ask you something.” “Deal.”'

Reasons by orphan_account [Rated T, 1895 words, complete, 2016]

“You took me with you when you recruited him,” Andrew muttered, but he knew Kevin was listening. They both knew that it was the closest Andrew could get to a thank you, so they both kept quiet. A list of the times Andrew met Kevin, interwoven with the list of times Andrew met Neil.

Kevin, Andrew and their friendship by @andrews-jort-loving-pipe-dream [tumblr, 2023]

“Why are we here?” “I'm here because it's Josten's birthday next week. You're here because you can't be alone.”

Andrew and Kevin watching a movie together after one of them wakes up from a nightmare. by @foxesbettingpool [tumblr, 2018]

He’d been up the majority of the night, wasting away on a bean bag chair with textbooks, papers, and a mountain of notes surrounding him.

tw: nightmares

Future Andrew & Kevin hc by @thepalmtoptiger [tumblr, 2018]

Andrew and Kevin stay close friends after leaving the Foxes and going pro.

Kevin asks Andrew to be his best man hc by @palmettofoxden [tumblr, 2017]

Kevin asks Andrew to be his best man at his wedding and Andrew just stands up and walks out of the room without answering or even reacting.

Art

andrew & kevin brotp edit by @mint-and-memories

Andrew and Kevin meme art by @foxhole-doodles

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shartfinz · 1 year

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Your autism spectrum symptoms are high.

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city-of-c0rpses · 28 days

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My body's all icky... I don't like it... it wont stop even with my scratching till my skins all red and raw... why won't it stop...? I want it to stop.... it feels like I'm there again... I hate it... I don't wanna feel like this anymore...

#bsd #bsd oc #bsd rp #bungou stray dogs #cw panic attack #tw implied sh

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dreamties · 1 year

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there's nothing really wrong with me; i'm just choking almost constantly || Polyam! Ghostface x GN! Reader

title from Twinkle Lights by The Sonder Bombs

Reader is dealing with the aftermath of their sexual assault, to which they still haven't told Billy and Stu that it was even a thing that happened. After a particularly rough night, the boys comfort them.

1st person POV

TRIGGER WARNINGS: there is reference to past SA, but it's not too graphic. the reader talks about it and there's like, references about it through out the text- and I know it can be really traumatic for some to read it so PLEASE be careful and read at your own risk. panic attacks, nightmares, i believe that's it !! let me know if I need to add more warnings!!

I blink awake, filled with an erratic, heart-pounding panic. It takes a moment to realize where I am- home, in my bed, by myself. I'm not at the trailer and I can't feel his breath down my neck anymore.

I let out a shaky breath and sit up slowly, trying not to shock my body anymore.

My body feels unstable and wrong as I walk through the house. My mind and body caught in a fuzzy sort of dream state.

I dial Stu's phone number, because I know he'll ask less questions than Billy- and that's what I needed right now. Just a distraction.

I school my voice to properly fake that sort of "I'm fine, nothing bad has ever happened to me" tone.

I clear my throat. "Stuey? I know it's a little late, but-"

"Nah, it's okay, baby. Whaddya need?"

I laugh- of course Stu sounds so chipper, he was likely up looking at Play Boys or watching total torture porn (aka a load of trash).

"Could you pick me up? It'd be nice to stay at your place tonight."

I can practically hear him grin on the other line. "Ab-so-LUTE-ly!"

I kind of half-giggle and thank him. I pull on an extra-long hoodie and grab the handmade Michael Myers plush my friend gave me off my bed. I wait out on the front porch for him to arrive.

I settle into Stu's bed, and he hurriedly puts his magazines and other items under his bed, careless to the minor scrumpling to his merchandise.

“Hey baby,” he kisses the top of my head and I try not to shrink away too much when he does so. I know it’s Stu, I know I’m safe- I can still feel his touch around my body, his hands at my throat, though. It’s so hard not to think he’s there with me, in bed next to Stu and I.

I smile at him and let him turn his lamp off even if the darkness and the looming shadows in his room are wholly disorienting.

I can feel a light tickle against the shell of my ear, like someone is whispering, “I won't be able to stop myself.” I shake him off of me and turn to my other side.

Just leave me alone, please.

I probably toss in my sleep the whole night, but Stu doesn’t seem bothered when we wake in the morning. My eyes are bleary and blinking back tears, hoping he doesn’t see.

I should know better than to think Stu could keep any secret from Billy. I'm still surprised, however, that Billy jostles into the Macher's kitchen at 9am, already with a prickled attitude.

I drop the spoon into my bowl of cereal, milk splashing up and over onto the counter. I try to school my expression into something more neutral, so my surprise doesn’t hurt him.

“Billy,” I greet.

He replies back with my name, which I can only half-hear through the fuzzy, distant feeling in my body.

Billy sits on a stool next to me, moving my bowl a little further from my reach. “Why were you up so late?”

I half-laugh, still tired, still groggy. “What, I’m not allowed to stay up?” I tease. And the hurt sick feeling settles in my throat.

Billy shakes his head and sighs- he’s clearly frustrated.

Stupid. Stop teasing him, he’s- I physically shake the thought off. Trying desperately to repel the negative energy like water to oil. Get it together.

“C’mon,” Billy tries again. He seems abnormally pissy, and I wonder what Stu told him on the phone. It’s no way that either of them could have figured it out, but the lump in my throat still grows at the possibility.

“Just- missed Stu. That’s all.”

“You brought along your plushy,” he says, like that’s supposed to prove anything. “And that big hoodie of yours that you only wear when you’re sad.”

“Did Stu tell you that?” I try not to sound too antsy or annoyed. I know they’re only worried. Of course they’re worried- of course they know my tells like the back of their hands. I should have just stayed home, even if that meant waking up with the feeling of him pressed against my body.

He nods. “You always tell us what’s wrong,” and he whispers my name in that hard-soft tone he gets when he’s anxious. I shiver.

“Nothing’s. . . nothing’s wrong.” I try and I know it’s bullshit. It’s a dumb attempt and Billy sees right through it. “Nothing that you can fix.”

And I know Billy takes it as a personal attack- that I think he can’t take care of me. That his comfort isn’t enough, that he isn’t enough. I don’t know how to tell him that’s not what I meant, though, without telling him what happened. It feels hard to breathe, I take a shaky, sharp breath in. It doesn’t help.

I don’t even know what’s going on, my eyes teary and blurred. My ears are ringing out. My body feels so fuzzy and too soft at the edges. My thoughts muddle in my brain and I don’t know if I'm breathing or talking or breathing or- I gasp out.

Stu’s hands hold my shoulders tightly, trying to ground me. He’s done it a hundred times before, and it works nearly every time.

My breath is labored, heavy and quick. Too quick. I still can’t feel myself breathing.

Billy and Stu both try to reassure me- I think. Their voices still unclear through the fog.

“‘M sorry, ‘m sorry, sorry, sorry,” I repeat, till the word feels unsafe and garbled through my lips. “Shouldn't have to- shouldn’t have, shouldn’t have to. Have to- have to worry.”

My voice sounds so far away, like I’m speaking into a dying microphone, to the clashing, screaming crowd before me. Feeling so unheard, so unseen, even at center stage.

The fog fades around Billy’s voice. “Hey, hey, it’s fine. Just- stop apologizing,” my name is slow on his tongue. “Can you hear me? C’mon, baby, you’re worrying Stu.”

And I should respond. But everything just feels so- off. I’m not even sure what I’d say. I don’t want to explain myself.

When the fog finally finally cuts through, I can breathe again. I’m sitting on the tiled floor of the Macher kitchen, with my knees pulled up against my chest. Billy and Stu sit on either side of me, their hands tentatively retracted from my body.

I can finally breathe in the clearing. I could cry, if feeling my feelings didn’t hurt so much. If everything didn’t hurt.

My breath takes a while to steady, and when it does, Billy takes this as a sign to pounce on me again.

“What happened, baby?” And he sounds so . . . concerned. It hurts to know I’m hurting him. My body aches with every pound of my heart against my chest.

“I think I had a panic attack,” I managed.

Stu lets out an awkward laugh, and I don’t freak out this time when he touches my shoulder. “No shit!”

He murmurs an apology and repeats himself, quieter now. It was sweet. Stu was so sweet and I can’t get over myself to just- live and not cause all this . . . all this angst and trial and tribulations between us. Billy would remind me- if I vocalized this ache - in my own words, that having tough emotions aren’t a burden. It feels like it is though.

“I’m sorry,” I try and Billy shushes me. He seems annoyed still, I know it’s just the look he has when he’s scared, though.

Fuck, he’s scared. Get yourself together.

I swallow down the lump in my throat.

“Okay, fine. I can’t apologize, I get it.” I realize now that my voice croaks out, like I'd been crying.

My eyes still feel hazy around the edges and they still struggle to focus on anything properly.

“What can I say then?” I teasingly ask, and I feel sick to my stomach.

Please don’t ask me why. Please don’t ask why. Please don’t ask why. Please.

“What’s up with you?” Billy asks. I’m not sure if that’s any better of a question though.

“I- I can’t tell you.”

Billy rolls his eyes. “We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong.”

Stu sighs, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. His fingers tense when he speaks. “Please? We won’t- Stu glances at Billy and then back at myself- I won’t ask any other questions, I promise.”

I give a humorless laugh in response. “Real assuring.”

“C’mon, I can’t control what Billy does,” he whines.

And there it is again. The lump in my throat. His breath tickling against my face. “I just can’t control myself around you.”

The attempts to shake off his incessant greed seem to only be in vain.

“Just- just get off of me, please,” I have to wrench the words out of my throat. “Please, ‘m sorry for- I’m sorry- just. Let go.”

Stu quickly winds his hand from my shoulder and puts his hands up, in defense. He looks at me all confused, his eyes wide and his brows furrowed.

He lowers his hands and gives me those stupid, big blue puppy eyes. “What’s wrong?” And he says it so gently. His voice felt warm and comforting.

“Just- I. Give me a moment.”

“Okay,” both boys reply.

“I- I think I was sexually assaulted.” My voice comes out in a tight whisper, lodged somewhere between my throat and the tension of the kitchen conversation. “I thought- I thought it was my fault or maybe it didn’t- it didn’t happen. Or- or maybe I misremembered it but-”

My voice gets caught and I let out a measly sob.

“Woah,” Billy carefully reaches a hand out towards me, but doesn’t touch me. “Woah, woah. Baby,” he whispers. “What- who did this to you?”

I sniffle. I didn’t want to tell them.

It felt so much more real speaking it aloud.

His voice feels dirty against my body, and I just want to get away from him. But he’s in the walls, he’s in my dreams. And I can’t escape. He’s sitting with me as my boyfriend’s try to comfort me.

“I know better than that. I should have known better than that and-” my throat feels all funny, like I can’t breathe again. A sharp intake in, a shaky breath out. “And I still let him put his grubby hands all over me.”

“Woah, baby,” Billy’s voice is impossibly quiet and calm. He appears more apologetic and concerned with how I am, than the dark, revengefulness that usually seeps out of him when someone hurts me. “Baby, look at me, okay?”

I keep my head snuggled at the top of my knees, straining my eyes to look in his direction. I hum, not trusting myself to speak without crying.

“It’s not- it’s not your fault. Whatever happened, it’s-”

My mouth seems to be on its own agenda. And my head feels impossibly fuzzy again. Everything is so . . . so disconnected. I tap my fingers against my shins, and they don’t feel like they’re really there at all. No matter how many times I tap them in the same familiar pattern.

Nothing feels right.

“I shouldn't have been such a tease. I- he told me to stop, said he wouldn’t be able to control himself if- and, and I didn’t listen, Billy. Was so confused, didn’t know where I was, Stuey and- and he- I told him that. But I should’ve listened. He w-warned me and I should have- I’m sorry.”

“Hey, shh,” Billy tries once more. “It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, baby. Whatever- whoever it was, who convinced you . . . it doesn’t matter, okay? He doesn’t- you didn’t make him do anything. You-” even Billy struggles with it.

He sighs, “what do you need from us? Just right now- what do you need at this moment, okay?”

Stu tries, as well. Learning from his previous mistake.

“Is it okay to hug you or touch your shoulder right now?”

I shake my head. His hands at my throat, his voice tickled against my face.

His hands at my throat, telling me to behave.

Taking my “i’m fine”s and “okay”s out of context, blatant ignorance of my confusion.

“Could we just- could we sit on the couch maybe?”

It felt better, safer, in the openness of the living room.

Like I wasn't going to suffocate and, like, explode or something.

Stu's hanging his limbs off one end of the couch, and Billy tentatively perches on a couch arm. I assume Billy is sitting strangely to give me space- Stu's position is natural though. He always sits weird, and does things weird, which I love. I love him. I love Billy, and I'm just. I'm hurting them- I'm sitting in the middle of the couch, shaky and strange, and hurting them.

“What can we do?” Billy sounds gentle. He sounds sincere. I think . . . he is. The whole situation is strange and terrifying. I want to go back to sleep and hope when I wake that the past few months were some fever dream instead.

I let out a shaky, heaving sigh.

“I don’t- I don’t know.”

“That’s- that's okay. Baby,” his voice is sturdy, despite the uncertainty bleeding in.

“Yeah!” Stu smiles at me, and it feels sort of warm. It feels almost good.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with someone so damaged.” I stare at my feet and my hands fidgeting absently in my lap. Tears pricking, stinging at my eyes.

I stumble over and retract apologies in my head. Trying to justify what he had done to me, to pin what he said, to pin his hands around my neck and push me down, as my own fault. As my own actions.

I can’t tell Billy that. Not to him, not to Stu.

Billy has this restrained look in his eyes, and his face is twisted into an almost scowl. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know I shouldn’t have said that. Because Billy thinks he’s broken, all the time.

He’s told me or alluded to his mom’s disappearance, to his asshole father. About the disconnect between himself and his own thoughts, his hands and his actions. He’s told us why he’s only ever felt safe and trusting in the arms of his lovers.

And that he’s so afraid that one day, we’ll up and leave him, too.

That he’s too damaged, too broken, to be loved.

And I go and fuck it up again. I only know how to hurt.

“That’s, wait- that’s not. I’m sorry, Billy. I-”

And his voice is uncharacteristically sweet. It’s calm and low, and I can’t hear held back anger.

“It’s okay.”

“What?” My voice is small and squeaks out, unsure.

“It’s okay. Baby," Billy says my name with my name with care. “You’re not- you will never be too fucked up to be loved by us.”

Stu smiles, protective. “I- we will never let that happen to you again.”

They offer physical comforts, they lean closer but not close enough to touch me.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so trusting. He had promised to never hurt me and I followed him blindly. But Billy & Stu aren’t him. And I should be allowed to put my faith into others, without fearing I'll be hurt again.

I lean into Billy's touch, allowing him to encase me in his strong arms. Stu leans against us, bringing his long, sweater-clad arms around the huddled mess of us.

Maybe it's against my better judgements.

Maybe it's a mistake.

But maybe, too, this is safety. This is love.

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froggyphycosis · 4 months

Text

Sleepless nights and something handcrafted

Fic based on a headcannon by @turtleblogatlast which is here (might contain spoilers so I'll link it at the end aswell if you want to read it after)

Summary

Pretty much all of Leo's comics are destroyed from the Kraang and Shredder so he has to read them all digitally. Mikey finds out and does somthing about it.

5899 words

Uhhhhh tw's and cw's real qiuck

Swearing

panic attacks

Nightmares

Implied/refferences to death (in a dream though nothing serious or majorly descriptive)

And characters being in pain

Eughhhh that sounds bad but I swear this fic is hurt/COMFORT so

(if there's anything in forgetting to tag let me know please!!)

______________________________

It's quiet, and calm.

Its reached that rare lull in the lair where everyone is off to do there own thing peacfully without another brother to cause chaos or niose along with them.

And suddenly, (and not at all surprisingly) Mikey finds himself bored, lying in his hammock and to tired to do anything and lonely without the immediate proximity to one of his older brothers.

It's an achievement if anything, it's the first time since the invasion that there hasn't been anything to do, no medical checkups to take care of, no panic attacks to be had... Just peace.

No one is actively dying, the chores are done, hes already cooked dinner (dad had even joined them aswell! He'd been doing that more often since the invasion, it warmed Mikey up a little on the inside he liked it when dad ate dinner with them and secretly hopes he keeps doing it).

So what does Mikey do then? he already knows he's gonna seek out one of his brothers, but who....

Well Donnie is busy in his lab right now using really loud machinery, and as much as Mikey *loves* sitting and drawing in the lab with him, it would be to loud to concentrate on anything.

He could go and hangout with Raph.... but he's training, trying incredibly hard to acclimate to the lack of sight in his right eye, and Mikey doesn't want to interrupt that.

So that means.... he can hang out with Leo!

Great! The portal duo for the win! He thinks triumphantly. Mikey can't think of anything that Leo could be doing right now. He knows that Leo isn't out with Usagi, since he went out with him before dinner, and he probably wouldn't have gone to April's without texting the group chat first...

So he's definitely free!

Mikey hops up from his hammock with more excitement than is probably necessary, and skips his way to Leo's room.

"LEO!" he shouts, slamming the door open with his foot, and happily watching as Leo jumps out of his shell.

"FU-JESUS Mike what in the all living HELL do you want??"

"Company!"

"The fuck do you mean company??"

"I'm like, reaaaaaaaaal bored right now, so I need a sibling to fill that void! And I'm obviously picking you!" he doesn't move from where he's standing, because if Leo is actually doing something he doesn't want to be interrupted from, Mikey will leave.

But just as he thought, (and maybe kind of planned) Leo rolls his eyes affectionately, switches his tablet to one hand and holds out his arm, Mikey doesn't need anymore encouragement than that, he dives into the bed and cuddles himself right up into Leos side.

"Sooooooo what'cha doin?"

"Reading comics," he snorts.

Mikey pauses, looking around the bed,"What where? thought you were doing somthing with your tablet?"

"Yeah I was I'm reading them on digital." Leo lifts up the screen, and holds it out in front of him, Mikey can see the grainy image of one of Leo's favourite JJ comics. "they all got destroyed remember? And I couldn't buy them so I just read them on here."

Mikey's stomach drops.

Oh crap, he had completely forgotten most of Leos comics were *destroyed*. He glances over at the corner of the room, where sure enough, a heap of his old comics were laying in a pile, destroyed beyond repair.

"Oh Leo.... I am so sorry, I had completely forgotten about your comics that must be awful," Mikey sinks a little feeling bad for even having come into the room now "sorry for bringing it up."

"W-what Mike's it's fine it doesn't even matter! I'm not upset really!" Leo looks midly shocked and a little guilty, which is stupid because Mikey brought it up.

He chucks the tablet to the side nonchalantly, rolling his eyes "Its fine! I don't even really read comics that much anymore ya know??" he smiles nervously.

Yeah, because you don't have any, is what Mikey wants to say, but he very patiently keeps his mouth shut.

Mikey knows he's lying, he can see it, he's far more perceptive than his brothers are. He can see the way Leo's eyes get a little bit shinier,the way his brow creases and he avoids Mikey's eye contact like it's the plague.

And the box turtle's heart sinks.

It's not okay, *it's not*, all of his old comics that are still intact enough to keep, but not enough to read, are piled up in the corner, a constant reminder of lost childhood.

It makes *Mikey* want to cry looking at it, he can't imagine what it must feel like for Leo to look at it every night.

Mikey doesn't push Leo on the subject, they end up going to play animal crossing with Dee instead but it doesn't leave Mikey's head for an instant, bugging him like and itch at the back of his skill that he can't itch.

He's going to find a way to fix this, even if he has to walk across a mile of broken glass to do so.

________________________________

Mikey doesn't sleep that night, even if his body is exhausted, (even months later his body still feels drained from opening that portal).

He probably shouldn't be awake, they did all agree on set sleeping times, or at least lying-down-and-trying-to sleep-times the name was a work in progress.

And he might be a little hypocritical for not following that since it was his idea-But! In his defense, he was on an important mission! So it was like totally 100% fine.

He was trying to find copies of jupiter Jim comics for Leo, because he was obviously sad about it, even though he wouldn't admit it. And Mikey was *officially*, the worst little brother in the entire whole wide universe, if he'd didn't *try* and do somthing about it.

So that's what he was doing obviously.

Leo was the bravest person he knew. He had been through hell and back for his family, and even the world, for people he didn't know.

He was an incredible big brother, and leader, and Mikey decided this was his way to give back just a fraction of that kindness in return.

Then again.... the universe seemed pretty against him right now, blessing him with the lack of any physical copies, of any kind of jj comics, on the entire internet.

Mikey spent the whole night, scouring the internet, and using every website he could think of to find them, but alas, not a trace. Dammit, why couldn't dad have found really well known dvds and comics thrown away in the sewers for Leo's and Donnie's birthday? This situation would have been so much easier.

Maybe like Harry Potter, or something, he wonders how much different their life would be if that ever happened, maybe Dee would've believed in magic sooner. (he makes himself snort with that one).

It takes him 5 hours before he finally stops and decides to throw in the towel, he's going to have to quit, there isn't anything anywhere. Which just sucks, because Mikey hates losing, and hates giving up on anything even more, but he closes the laptop down anyway with a sigh, and shuffles down into a more comfortable position.

He glances at the clock across the room, and eughh boyyy.... Well it's 7 o'clock, so he's going to have to get up in 10 minutes to make breakfast.

He stayed awake all night.

Whoops.

Stupid vintage comics he thinks darkly.

He'll have to go up topside to try and find some in a comic book shop tommorow he thinks as he finally let's his exhaustion give in and closes his eyes.

_____________________________

"UGHHHHHHHH," Mikey groaned loudly, dropping the comics in his now 5 fingered hands. His loud outburst garnering several odd looks from the staff and other shoppers in the store.

"April they have to be somwhere right??"

Casey and April both glanced at eachother, and then over at him sympathetically.

"Look Mikey..." April starts, before CJ pipes up next to her, having resumed flicking through the comics.

"Mikey, we have been to almost every comic shop in new York, big and small i mean this as politghtly as possible, I don't think we can get Leo's comics back." he looks at Mikey softly, "I'm sure he would appreciate the effort though."

He couldn't help but diflate at that, he's failed *again*, he's failed Leo....

April walked around the box, and pulled him into a hug that he happily buried himself into, and Casey, in a rare show of public affection, joins aswell.

But when he finally pulls apart and swipes an orange sleeve over his eyes, he suddenly gets a plan so cool, so ultimately awsome and incredibly smart that even *Leo* would be jealous.

"Okay, guys, I think i know what i need to do," he looked up at April and gave her the most mischievous grin he could offer "I think we're gonna need to take a trip to the art store."

"ohhohohohono what does that look mean?? What are you up to?" she squinted at him hands planted on hips

"hush now april," Casey places a hand on her shoulder, and the other on his heart "that look can only mean great things," he grinned "so Mikes where we heading?"

______________________________

Leo hopped across the platform over to Mike's train cart, his leg was acting up today much to his own dismay, not so bad to tell anyone though.... Just bad enough that walking was a little inconvenient, he probably didn't need any meds to be honest, he should be fine.

He gets to the door of the train cart and slams it to the side as hard as he can, (payback for the other day) it bangs when it hits the frame.

"Ohhhhhh Miguelllll!!!"

He gets sight of Mikey staring at his tablet, (it's almost a mirror of April without her glasses Leo thinks with a smile) before he slams his sketchbook closed, and shoves everything within arms reach off his desk, Leo has already been there a few seconds watching this unfold.

Okayyyy....That was....Odd...

"ohhhhhh hey Leoooo...," Mikey smiled nervously, hands tapping against his plastron. It's a stim he's had since was a tot, "so ummmm what are you doing in my room?"

"nothinnnnng.... So what were you drawing?" he glanced down at the sketchbook that had been shoved on the floor, still open, he could only make out the faint sketches of boxes and nothing else, before Mikey slammed it shut and held it to his chest.

"N-nothing," his little brothers face doesn't look caught anymore, it looks worried now, and that face twists somthing in Leo's stomach.

"wait, shit, Mikey have your hands been acting up again??" oh fuck oh no "Mikes we talked about this, if they start hurting you have to tell somone even if you don't think it feels that bad."

He feels a switch go off on his brain the second he thinks Mikey is hurt and everything else goes out the back window.

His little brother has a tendency to fix things, not in the way that Donnie does, with his intellect and his smarts, with nuts and bolts and tech and limitless knowledge.

Mikey fixes sadness, and hurt, he comforts and loves with a single minded focus that leaves anyone in its wake absolutely astonished at how plentiful and sincere it is.

No matter who it is, where it is, or when it is, if it's broken he'll fix it.

But he will *always* leave himself behind.

Its not intentional, he doesn't mean to, he'd take care of himself if he realized. But once Mikey has his mind made up? Its done. He'll get it done no matter what, leaving him to forget about himself.

He's lucky enough to have a family that recognises it, and help before it gets to bad.

"What no my hands are fine Leo seriously!"

"yeah Mikey, maybe so, but I'm still gonna take a look now put 'em out ."

Mikey doesn't retaliate, just takes his wraps off exasperatedly and lays his hands out for Leo to see.

He doesn't react when Leo softly presses down on the scars, and bends his finger and elbow joints gently so they probably weren't hurting.... And the shakes are small and unnoticeable unless you look hard.

So Mikey is fine.

Then why was he so jumpy before???

"hows your leg doing Leo?"

Leo's head snaps up to meet Mikey's gaze, feeling to shocked by sudden line of questioning to actually answer immediately.

"o-oh uhm my leg is fine Mikey, thanks for asking."

He feels the tension drain out of him now that he's sure Mikey isn't hurt, he looks fine, if a bit panicky, and Leo is starting to wonder what kind of secret he's hiding in his sketchbook. The blackmail opportunities could be unreal....

He's *definitely* trying to cover something up, now Leo *can* just outright say that he knows that, but watching Mikey try, and fail, to lie about it, would be waaaaay funnier.

"OH really.....?" Leo stares him dead in the face even though its not being returned at all "so if your hands aren't hurting, why won't you show me your art? what kind of things were you drawing exactly..?"

Mikey squeaks, and his face dips into his shell a little before popping out again fully, to yell "U-UH ITS TUPER SOP SECRET!!!"

Damn, Dontron probably heard that from his maximum security sound proofed lab, *and* with full volume music blasting through his headphones.

"awww come on, please tell me, please please please please!!" he clasps his hands together and makes what he hopes are decent puppy dog eyes.

His little brother doesn't answer him, instead he sinks down further in his shell.

"Mmmmmnnno, and you still haven't told me why you were in here either?"

Its probably the most awful attempt Leo has ever seen at changing the subject, but he takes pity on his brother and decides to go along with it anyway.

"Nothing really I was just bored and wanted to see if you wanted to come and play Mario kart with me?" he grins "you do owe me for the entertainment I provided you with the other day."

The box turtle visibly perks up at this face now fully visible.

"omigosh!! yes! absolutely! I would love to!!" he threw hi sketchbook behind him, and hopped off his chair "lead the way Leon!!"

Leo couldnt help the laugh that sputtered out of him. How Mikey could go from dying of fear, to sunshine and smiles in such a short time was beyond him.

"yeah yeah alright, would you mind giving me a hand though? my leg is kinda sore today."

Mikey swings round and looks at him accusingly "I thought you said it was fine??"

Oh shit yeah.

"Y-yeah it is!! its just a little sore, promise, now come on give me a hand you goof."

Mikey rolls his eyes, but can't help the grin that over takes his face and agreeably lends Leo his shoulder.

He won't bother Mike about whatever he's hiding, Leo may be crazy curious, but he knows that if Mikey does anything to dumb or to stupid, he's got him to rely on and go to when he's in need of help, so Leo feels comfortable in letting him hide whatever it is he's hiding, plus he thinks he'd know if it was somthing bad.

____________________________

It was roughly around 3am, and the little sleep Leo got these days was unfortunately interrupted yet again with another nightmare, another dream about the Kraang again, but this time it was concentrated on *Mikey*.

His mind kept playing a loop of the exact moment when Mikey left-when he was gone, gone gone gone gone gone, went cold in Leos arms and, and-Leo woke up. Drenched in his own sweat, hot and frozen at the same time, still stuck in the position he fell asleep in. Unable to move, it took him an eternity before his *useless* muscles finally dragged themselves upright and out of his bed.

He was sprinting towards Mikey's dimly lit glittery train cart before he even realized he was doing it. Chest heaving, and the ache in his leg only second hand awareness at best.

Warm orange light was pouring out of the cart, and the smell of that citrus diffuser his baby brother always insisted on using was so subtle, but so overwhelmingly comforting, that it sort of makes Leo want to cry.

The lights being on must me he's awake then, and Leo thanks pizza supreme in the sky, because waking up his brothers from the little sleep they got nowadays felt awful. And doing it to Mikey always felt the worst, because that was his little brother he was waking up, and for his own stupid needs too.

Stupid. stupid. stupid. Stupid.

He slides open the door as quietly as he can,his eyes taking a minute to adjust.

Mikey is passed out on the floor, pens pencils, headphones and other art supplies scattered around him and it makes his heart momentarily jump into his throat seeing he's not awake-not alive *not moving*. He snaps out of the spiral quickly though and realizes he needs to calm down right now or he's gonna pass out.

Having a panic attack in his little brothers room is not the most optimal place to do so, so the slider takes a minute to compose his frenzied nerves realizing how worse it's gotten since he woke up. So sitting next to his *sleeping* brother, he breathes in and out in slow even breathes, in the way they all learnt to, it was almost muscle memory by now.

Ha, if only it was that easy to actually calm down.

Leo stands up joints creaking and leg whining in the protest, oh right, he ran here, that's gonna hurt like a bitch tommorow he just knows it.

Picking Mikey up is usually no problem, hes small and lightweight compared to his brothers, but with his shaking arms and tired body, (that's currently down a leg) the task is almost monumental, and he feels out of breathe by the time he's dumped the box turtle into his hammock.

He can still hear soft music playing from Mikey's headphones and he picks them up and listens to it. His mind is still groggy from all the running and panicking, so it takes a second to realize whats playing.

Oh! It's Mr sunshine! Ha, he's so good.

Oh, wait. it's Mr sunshine. maybe they should talk about that later...

He turns the headphones off and puts it on his desk along with his pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers-who needs four rulers?? Where did he even get this all from?who needs this many art supplies and aren't half of these markers dried out anyway??

He can't even be bothered to ask right now, he unceremoniously dumps all of it back on the desk without further question, he picks up Mikey's phone, hoping that he was just listening to music and not staring at that it, would be awful for his eyes. But when he picks it up however he's not greeted with music, but a comic book. And not just any comic book, he notices belatedly,but his favourite.

Jupiter Jim and the eight giant dragons of evil why would he be reading that?

Leo blinks a few times, a bit confused to say the least, before he finally glances down at the sketchbook in his hands.

And sees and exact replica of the page but in pencil.

And then it clicks. everything clicks.

holy shit, Mikey is trying to recreate his favourite comic book. But there's no way??

Now Leo doesn't know much about art, he half listens to info dumps about trashy a.i art, and the hatred that Mikey has for wearing gas masks (against solid protests from himself, Raph and Donnie to do so otherwise

But Leo knows that making a comic book is *hard*, harder and more time consuming that it has any right to be, even for a good artist like Mikey-and he would know! He tried making his own when he was like 12 only to get frustrated an angry 2 minutes in, and quit (he hasn't tried since).

And secondly, how did he even realize he had wanted the real version of a comic anyway? He hadn't *asked* for one, hadn't hinted at wanting it. He swore Mikey was actually a fucking mind reader sometimes, maybe this was just another "mystic warrior thing" he doesn't get.

And then, the sudden, very violent urge to cry swamps him. Even if Mikey never finishes this project never gives it to him, he still *wanted* to.

The fact is, that Mikey, with injured arms, and a hundred other more intersting and wonderful projects more worth his time, is going to attempt to make a comic for *him* and it sort of makes Leo want to cry. It *does* make him cry.

He holds the sketchbook close to his plastron and let's the tears slip down his face. He doenst know what he'd do without his family, without Mikey, he doesn't know what he's Done to deserve the endless patience and comfort that his brothers provide.

He leaves after a minute or two, when the tears on his face stop flowing, leaving sticky trails down his face, and his breathing is no longer raggid from the crying. He leaves the sketchbook and phone where they are, closed and turned off.

Hopefully Mikey will think it was another brother that came in and fixed this all up for him. Or maybe he'll simply belive he cleaned up and put himself to bed and just doesn't remember.

"goodnight little brother, get a good rest."

_____~roughly 2 weeks later~________

Mikey took a deep breathe in, and a deep breathe out. His head was starting to ache from lying it down on his desk for so long, he had decided to take a short break from drawing Leo's comic a while ago, much to his disdain. Although he can't say specifically, since everything in his head feels like molasses, and he's to busy concentrating on the never ending pain in his hands to think about it for to long.

It feels almost nauseating. His body thrumming uncomfortable, the itchy, fiery energy getting stronger, hands shaking more fiercely until it reaches its peak, and his while body seizes up and let's go.

(Its his own fault, this doesn't happen unless he pushes himself to hard. Apparently 6 hours straight of art is not good for you.

Noted.)

He *wants* to pick his head up, he *wants* to carry on drawing, he *wants* to be able to do this for Leo, but he just *can't*. He's useless, his own body is betraying itself, consuming itself in and endless mystic well of power that it itself created, and Mikey can't do anything but sit here and whimper in the dark.

He feels pathetic, he doesn't even know how long it will last. The longest period was 6 hours, which is the closest to living hell he's ever been, beside watching Leo throw himself into the prison dimention, followed closely in second by opening the actual portal itself.

He can't even move enough to grab his phone and call his brothers, he can't scream or talk. So he sits there, and cries and sobs and hiccups openly, and loudly, praying that *someone* will hear him. Thankfully but no sooner than he had started crying, had the small sliver of light coming through his door begun to get bigger, and his train cart door began to open.

".... Angelo?."

It was donnie.

*Thank god.*

His voice was still failing him, unable to speak but overwhelmed with the desire to say *something*, he just cried harder.

"woah woah woah! Okay okay Angelo I'm right here okay? Your safe, your fine." he crouched down by the desk so he was closer to Mikey's face "I'm... I'm gonna pick you up now okay Angleo? If I end up hurting you in any way just uh chirp okay?"

Donnie put an arm underneath his legs and shell, and lifted him up into a bridal carry, pausing slightly to listen for the sound of Mikey's distressed chirp, before continuing forward towards his door. Mikey slumps and closes his eyes, pressing his warm face into Donnie's cool arm. He let's out a sigh of content, no longer cramped from being stuck in a stiff and awkward position, for who knows how long.

Donnie sighs,in that long suffering kind of way he always does when his family has done something stupid, but Mikey doesn't bother to open his eyes to see what face he makes.

Mikey thinks he must have fallen asleep at some point, because when he's next aware, he's being handed off to a very worried looking Raph.

"hey big man sorry to wake you up, you can carry on cuddling with Dee in a minute he just needs to do somthing okay?" Raph is smiling down at him and holds him just a little tighter.

Mikey nods, and rubs his eyes turning his head so he can look at the scene in front of him, (his hands barely even hurt anymore, maybe they rubbed that special cream that Draxum made on them) they're in the TV room now, illuminated by the projection screen paused hlaf way through on one of Leo's favourite movies, him and Donnie are placing various pillows and blankets on the floor.

Leo is whispering something to his twin in a frantic, worried, hushed tone that Mikey is to tired to parse right now.

But Donnie looks at Mikey for a fraction of a second, before rolling his eyes affectionately and placing down the last of the pillows, (they were probably talking about him, he hopes he isn't barred from making breakfast tommorow though, he wanted to make omelettes) huffing, when Raph unceremoniously flops down on top of them shell first, Mikey still being held against his plastron. Raph opens up his arms and Leo snuggles right up beside him, whilst Donnie snuggles into Raph's other side.

Mikey can feel himself start to drift off into comfortable sleep again, when he feels a familiar finger rudely poke him in the face. He opens his eyes just barely to see a familiar blue mask and worried brown eyes peering back at him.

"sorry mi hermano this'll be quick, I promise, what were you doing that caused your arms to flare up so badly?"

Mikey feels annoyed that he's being kept up for this but sighs and concedes "mmmmm I was drawing for a really long time.... and i didn't take any breaks..." he mumbles, shutting his eyes again, falling faster into darkness this time.

"oh....." Leo sighs softly "your to nice for you own good little brother..." Mikey barely even registers his brother's voice anymore, to busy falling asleep to even notice it.

_________________________________

Mikey grins and closes the comic book, he holds it out in front of him looking at all his hard work.

Its done. It's finally done. It took him a month of non stop drawing almost every day to do it.

But he did it.

He puts the Comic down, just to spin around his room and kick his legs, orange flecks of mystic trailing behind his flapping arms.

__________________________

"Oh Leoooooooo~," he sang, sliding into the living room hiding the comic behind his back, and directly away from the view of his older brother "guess what."

"What?"

"I said guess."

"....Mikey are you being serious right now?"

"Yuppers!"

Leo threw his head back and sighed "you know I may sound like Donnie right now, but there are an infinite amount of things to guess from so you may have to give me a hint."

"okay! So I got you gift, buuuuuut you have to guess what it is."

Leo's back straightens and he stares at Mikey with much more exitement "wait are you being serious? You got me a gift?"

"Yeah haha I did, would you like me to just give it to you?" he feels nervous now, he's not really sure he's ready for this, but is going to do it anyway against his own better judgement.

"Uhm yes obviously?? Now gimme" Leo puts out his hands and makes a grabbing motion like an impatient child awaiting to be given something, it's clearly to lighten up the situations which Mikey is making weird with his nervousness.

"Pftttt okay okay here take it."

He walks over to Leo and passes him the comic praying that he likes it, Mikey does, he's so proud, but that means nothing if Leo doesnt like it.

Leo takes the comic and looks closer, his eyes widen when he realizes what it is he's holding, "oh my god Mikey did you *make* this?".

"mhm! I noticed you didn't have any physical copies of your comics and they can't be bought like anywhere, online or off, so I decided to make you one!"

Leo's hands tremble as he deftly turns each page oddly quiet.

Mikey watches as his face morphs into something warm and touched, his smile big and eyes watery-

Wait what?!?

A big fat tear slips down Leo's face without a hand coming to wipe it away and Mikey stands there stunned.

He's watched Leo cry many MANY MANY times, whether it be due to a scraped knee, or a broken scateboard when they were little or due to nightmares over the Kraang, Mikey's seen it all. Him and Leo have always cried the most. But he's never seen Leo cry over something as simple and as meaningless as a comic book before.

"Mikes, did you *make* this for me?" his voice wobbles as he speaks, a disbelieving smile still stretched across his face, still holding the book and flipping through its pages slowly and carefully, scanning each page like he hadn't read them all a million times before, like they were something new, something precious.

Mikey feels slightly vulnerable and embarrassed when Leo looks up at him, remembering that there are definitley some really awfully drawn pages in there, nights where his hands wouldn't stop shaking, or the pose was just to difficult and seeing him cry over it is a bit worrying.

Mikey looks at the corner of the room, man he should really do some dusting, "um, yeah, sorry by the way, some of them are really badly drawn, a-and i know you've already read it a million times so it's really not that goo-"

Leo cuts him off by grabbing the strap around his shell and pulling him down onto the been bag into a 10/10, ultimate crushing big brother hug.

Mikey doesn't fight it these hugs are the *best* hugs.

"mikey- i cant-*holy fuck*, this is like, the nicest and most thoughtful gift i have *ever* been given the fact you even noticed I missed my comics makes me want to hide in my shell and cry so hard my tear ducts will explode, don't you *ever* apologise ok?"

Mikey felt HIMSELF tear up.

Your artwork is incredible and so so beautiful, Leo sniffs and Mikey feels so happy, (he's pretty sure his arms are glowing, not that he can see from where his snout is buried in Leo's shoulder) "i can't believe you put in the effort even with your hands to make a whole comic book just to make me feel better, that must have taken forever."

"I'm-im-yeah, I'm so glad you it Leo."

They stay like that for far to long, sitting on a bean bag that is way to small to fit them both, laughing and chatting and crying whilst look through the comic.

______________________________________

It's not his old comic book, with ink smudged and faded colours, with nights spent rereading and loving. cherished, on its spot on the shelf, with worn edges and a broken spine. It's not the gift he was given when he was 9, a start of a long love for the franchise, and hours in the further of areas of the sewers to find more of them.

It's not any of that but it's something *more*.

Becasue it's *Mickey*.

It's his little brothers drawing, its long nights spent caring about him, and hope to make him just a tiny bit happier.

It's work, and shaking arms and passion. It's family and love and warmth, it's sleepless nights and something handcrafted, and Leo can see it etched into every line of the page. It's not old like it used to be, it's something wonderful, and something new, it's a gift, and every single line is different now because the adoration Mikey has for all of his brothers is radiating out of them.

Each mistake on the page is another mark of Mikey, another mark of his gift and it's meaning.

He can't ever get back what he's lost, he'll never be the same as he was, but he thinks now, whilst looking at the pages softly, this is maybe just a little bit better, just a little but more exciting and new.

Mikey will never know what this means to Leo, because to him, this is just another "small" act of kindness the same as he'd do for anyone.

And although Leo would never admit it, it makes everything he's been through just a little more smaller, and a little less scary, because if something this good can happen out of somthing so miserable? then maybe the future won't be so awful after all, and maybe it never was, his brothers will always be there for him, and he can't believe he ever doubted them in the first place.

_________________________________________

Please remember the idea for this fic was written by turtleblogatlast

And here's the the original little script they wrote!!! Read original script

Goooooood hahaha so uhm I hope you like it!! (Also sorry this became a little more Mikey centric than it was supposed to be I am a Mikey kinnie and tend to make everything about him😭)

I absolutely love your writing and the things you do so just think of this as a thankyou gift for being so cool!

I wanted to sprinkle more of your headcannon in haha but I didn't know where to start or when I could mention them sorry:(

Also apologies for all my head cannons I could help myself

"I will make this fic purely for someone else and won't add my own headcannons!......... F*ck."

#rottmnt #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rise of the tmnt #tmnt fics #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt leonardo #rottmnt leo #baja blast duo #portal duo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt raph #tw panic attack #tw nightmares #cw swearing #tw pain #tw implied death #raccoonswriting

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reflections-of-mobius · 8 months

Text

WARNING. THIS THREAD FEATURES HEAVY THEMES.

[@familylightfox | From here!]

"...well...that hurt..." Bless groaned, rubbing at his head as he sat up. The destruction from his fall wasn't anywhere near as severe- he'd had the presence of mind to dig his hands into the metallic ground, resulting in a loud, angry screech as metal was abruptly ripped up yard-by-yard. It had awoken several mobians in the currently-sleeping city, and yet not one dared leave their shiny hotels and ironclad homes.

Moonlight and floating streetlamps served as illumination, alongside blaring holographic signs detailing the upcoming World Grand Prix. Bless glanced around, emerald hues searching the carnage for any sign of his supposed attacker... Only to pause as he realized there was a strange glow coming from below. He glanced down, eyebrows furrowing as he noticed a circle of green light- pulsing in time to his heartbeat. It wouldn't be quite so strange if it didn't seem to originate from under his fur.

"Crap..." He breathed in. The male stood, emerald hues flicking about. Most of the street was undamaged- the only sign of destruction were the holes he'd torn into the ground, alongside the massive dent where he'd finally come to a stop... By hitting a building. He didn't recall doing that- he barely recalled the hit of the object itself, before he'd been sent tumbling!

Bless' eyes finally landed on several items scattered nearby- his emergency ring, his phone, and a small bit of birch wood he was going to carve in his free time... Now broken solidly in two. He snatched his phone- just barely dodging a bullet as it fired off.

"Wh-?" He may have been slower in his werehog form, but the mobian was no less swift as emerald hues dilated, snapping upwards. Slick, silver-and-white frames hovered overhead, gunmetal gray barrels leveled in his direction. A strange light in his chest, and now robots that had guns trained on him..

He had an idea what was going on. He had to find Node- he had to warn Volt and Harmony. His world wasn't safe right now.

"Return the Ark of The Cosmos."

"The Ark of the what?" Ark of The Cosmos?... "What's that?" The machines... Merely floated, their engines thrumming.

"Return the Ark of The Cosmos. You have ten seconds to comply."

[]

At least he'd be safe. That was the one thought that kept Node from screaming, even as they'd fallen to the ground, clutching their own arms tight as panic wracked their mind.

"Stop, stop stopstopstop...!" Node's bitten claws dug into their fur. Unlike Bless, they'd had no emergency ring on their person- and they'd taken damage as a result. Their clothes were cut up on their back from crashing through so many trees, bruises littering their arms- but that wasn't what made them afraid.

No, their mind was running entirely on autopilot. Their plea rang through the forest, echoing up the road of destruction their body had cut earlier in the night. They were too deep to think, just trying blearily to focus on their own arms around their body. They had to get up-- they had to find out- what was going on--

Stopstopstopstopstop-

That maelstrom in their head screamed otherwise. Their hands were pressing into their arms, trying to find reality. They were searching for a grounding wire- anything to keep them rooted. They were here. They were alive. Bless had to be alive- he had to be- Volt and Harmony would get him out-

He'sgoingtodiethey'regoingtodie-

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cardinal-contest-king · 1 month

Note

Do you want ME to go back to my father?

- ♦️

n-no. you weren't supposed to see this. imsorry. imsorry. im a monster now. that thing is in me. its not safe for anyone to be around me. i. i hurt people. burnt people. imsorryimsorryimsorry. i dont know what to do im sorry

#ruby posts #rotomblr #asks #tw self degradation #tw implied murder #tw repetition #tw panic attack

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star-vibing-prompts · 8 months

Text

She gently rested her head against the other woman's chest, gently embracing the taller woman. "Shh...it's okay, I'm here [B]..." She whispered, hearing B's heartbeat still breathing heavily.

A gently started caressing B's arms, while gently whispering reassurance despite being smaller than B.

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bones-of-a-rabbit · 1 year

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What if I told u,,,,, a RepairBot-Reader comic-tidbit was in the works,,,,

(WiPs!)

Featuring! A small and sweet moment for ReaderBot making a new friend <3

(don’t worry, there’s some nice angst in there, too)

: )

What do you see, ReaderBot ?

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jesus-in-the-womb · 2 years

Note

Eddie x reader w PTSD from childhood SA and him comforting her during an attack ALSO WOULD LOVE TO SEE THIS WITH STEVE

Oh this will definitely be remade with Stevie <3 if you can't tell by the title TW: MENTIONS OF SA, PTSD, PTSD PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACK, SLIGHT MENTION OF SMUT (nothing too detailed since this is an angsty/sad request) (a short one, please enjoy <3) link to prequel

"Y/N, baby are you okay?" the sounds of your boyfriend calling your name were near impossible to hear, his body detaching itself from you, only to pull your back against his equally bare chest. You lay in between his legs, ignoring his naked lower half as it pressed into the flesh of your spine. You were in no mood to pay attention to your surroundings.

Your eyes nearly went black, tunnel vision taking over your sight and practically blinding you for the time being. Your heart hammered loudly against your chest, your body heaving with broken gasps for air as you lost yourself in a memory coming to life.

The feeling of Eddie's heavy breath fanning across your face, his fingers digging into your waist, his hips slamming into your own, it became too much to bear, your mind replacing his loving gaze and handsome face with one you were all too familiar with. His features morphed in front of you, eyes nearly turning black with malice and lust, lips pulling to an ugly snarl beneath the large nose. This wasn't your loving, caring, sweet doting boyfriend anymore. This was the man who took your innocence. The man who tore apart your soul all those years ago, implanting mental and physical scars for you to carry throughout the rest of your life. He'd taken everything you'd loved and turned it into a sour memory with his ill intentions.

Eddie knew what was happening, immediately retracting himself from your body, feeling disgusted even though he knew it wasn't his fault. This didn't happen with you often, but when it did, the metalhead could feel pieces of his soul chip, fluttering in the wind and away from his body. Your pain instantly became his as he tried to console you the best way he knew he could; silent promises, soft touches, patience, and an understanding persona. The best he could do was to be there for you.

You zoned in on Eddie's hands, feeling them wrapped loosely around you, nearly cooing at his consideration for how cautious he was as he held you, if it weren't for your current state. His chin sat atop your head, moving slightly when he leaned down to place a kiss on the crown of your head. His soft hushes and caring affections grounding you back to earth, pulling your headspace back to reality as you calmed.

You stuttered through one more gasp, finally getting your breathing under control as your boyfriend held you. You wrapped your arms around his, leaning back into his chest with a hiccuped sob you shoved back inside.

"I got you, come back to me baby. I'm here, I'm here, sweetheart. You're okay, you're safe," Eddie repeated this like a mantra through whispers. Lips pressing to the lobe of your ear in a chaste kiss, "you're safe."

You didn't know how lucky you'd gotten or why you had even gotten lucky in the first place, but your life was blessed when Eddie Munson walked in. He didn't plan on leaving, and you were utterly grateful for him. Eddie Munson was your safe place, your haven.

This was hard to write, I myself am a victim of SA.... I've been in this situation before, having literal flashbacks mid-sex..... it fucking sucks. So, I literally just took my own experience and turned it into an Eddie fic.... this one will definitely be held close to my heart above all... thanks for tuning in for another of my TEDtalks... love ya <3

#eddie munson x reader #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #fanfiction #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #joe quinn #joeseph quinn #joe quinn stranger things #tw sa implied #smut implied #panic attack #ptsd tw #SA PTSD

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doombum · 4 months

Text

I once again made Evan suffer for the #CC weekend bash. I was planning on doing fluffy stuff but the angst just keeps inviting itself to the party apparently.

@and-stir-the-stars

Sunday 7th: Trust / Betrayal / Trapped

Trigger warning: Panic attacks, Claustrophobia, Nyctophobia, Implied child death, Blood mention

Evan woke up to the sound of laughter resonating around the corridor and he immediately clutched Fredbear close to his chest at the unexpected darkness he was met with. He whimpered into the plush’s soft fur as he struggled to find the switch of his bedside lamp, turning it on as quickly as he could and letting out a sigh of relief as his room was illuminated.

He looked around and immediately noticed that his curtains had been drawn close at some point during the night, most probably by his dad - he had made a habit of doing so since finding out Evan was scared of the dark, telling him that he needed to grow out of his childish fears.

Going up to open them back up and letting the sunlight of the early morning enter his room, he also realised that his door was shut. He gripped Fredbear even tighter at the sight as he tried to calm himself.

He shakily walked towards the door, feeling tears already forming in the corner of his eyes as it started to become harder to breathe. It felt like the room was closing in on him and he needed to leave as quickly as possible before it crushed him.

Making his way there, he stumbled over his toys, scattered around the room, almost falling several times as he became more and more desperate to open the door. He grabbed the handle with sweaty hands, struggling to get a good hold on it before he pulled it down, frowning when it didn't do anything.

He tried again, and again, and again, growing more and more frantic as the door wouldn't budge.

A whimper left his throat and he turned around, eyes darting around his room to try to find another exit. He fell back against the door, clutching at his shirt in an attempt to calm his raging heartbeat as he realised his window was out of the question - his dad still needed to fix the broken latch - and there was no other way out.

“No, no, no !” He muttered to himself, dropping onto his knees and rocking back and forth. “Please, let me out !”

Gripping tightly at Fredbear, he shut his eyes closed to avoid looking at the suffocating room that was getting smaller and smaller. It was going to crush him.

He hadn't even realised he had started yelling pleas to be let out until he heard Mike on the other side of the door, fumbling with the handle and yelling back for him to calm down.

At the sound, Evan hurriedly turned around, still on his knees, hitting and scratching at the door desperately until his hands started to bleed. He only stopped when the door finally opened and he could breathe again.

He wasted no time pulling himself forward and into the corridor, desperately needing to get away from his room. As a result, he launched himself right into Mike's legs as his brother stood just outside the door with his hand still on the handle.

“Shit !” Instead of pushing him off, like Evan had expected him to, Michael kneeled down and pulled him into his chest, hugging him tightly. “I’m… sorry.”

Evan’s eyes widened at the hesitant words, his brother never having apologised to him before, but his surprise quickly gave way to a sense of betrayal as he took in the words.

“You locked me in there ?” He could hear his voice wavering at the thought, the tears that had started to stop starting to flood down again.

“It was just a prank !” Mike pulled away, crossing his arm and taking a defensive tone. Evan looked down at the ground, having a hard time understanding how his own brother could do that to him. “You weren’t supposed to freak out like that !”

“I couldn’t get out…” He said between sobs, his mind still trying to process what had happened. “I- I-”

Mike started to rub his back awkwardly and Evan cried even harder at the comforting motion. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” After a moment, his brother tried to pull him away. A bit of struggle later, Evan was held at arm's length, trying to avoid his brother's gaze. “I won’t do that again.”

At that, he looked up at his brother's face, taking note of how serious and openly worried he looked. “You promise ?”

Mike hunched a bit at that, and looked away for a moment before he exhaled and nodded. “Yeah, I promise.”

Evan smiled shyly, still a bit wary of the older’s words. To reassure himself, he held out his pinky for Mike to seal his promise. His brother huffed and rolled his eyes but linked his own pinky anyway before ruffling his hair and pulling him back up on his feet. “Now, come on. Let's get you cleaned up.”

Evan giggled at the motion and followed Mike down the corridor, hoping he could actually trust him to respect his promise and never lock him somewhere ever again.

–––––––

Evan woke up to complete silence and darkness filling his vision. Terrified out of his mind, he tried to search for his beloved plush, wanting to feel the comfort it always brought him, but found his body completely unresponsive. Panic rose in his chest as he tried to blink to clear his vision but nothing happened.

What was happening? Why was it so dark ? Where was he ?

He tried voicing his questions, calling for help, desperate for someone, anyone, to hear him. But nothing came out other than a static sound that made him wince and want to curl in on himself.

He didn't understand. Why couldn't he speak ? Why couldn't he move ? What was happening to him ?

He struggled to remember, his mind racing through his panic and getting glimpses of balloons, cake and blood. So much blood. Why was there so much blood ?

He had been crying, pleading to be let go - he could remember that. But they wouldn't leave him alone. They had dragged him. Who were they ? He couldn't remember.

He tried to think, tried to see it, but the only thing coming up was the image of his father's terrifying animatronics. Surrounding him. Dragging him. Laughing while he was screaming.

Thinking harder, desperate for answers, he realised he knew those. They weren't animatronics. They were Michael's friends and their scary masks. Tormenting him.

Was it… Was it Mike ? Did Mike put him here ? Did he lock him here ? He said he wouldn't do it again. He promised him. Evan had trusted him.

Why would he do that ? Did he do something wrong ?

Please. Mike. I'm scared. Please, help me. I didn't mean to, whatever it was I did, I didn't mean to ! Please, let me out !

He tried to move again, but the most he achieved was to produce a weird creaking sound. He felt so heavy, like he was buried under a mountain of metal.

The darkness was becoming more and more oppressive the longer he stared into it, and it seemed to have swallowed him entirely. He almost wished he could just close his eyes and never wake up again.

Despair gripped at him as he realised he had no way out this time. No-one was around - the silence so overbearing - and even if there was someone, he couldn't move or speak to tell them he was there.

But Mike had to know he was here, right ? If he was the one who locked him here. He would come back for him. He would open the door and let him out. Like he did back in his bedroom. He wouldn't just leave him there. Would he ?

How long had he been here ? It felt like minutes. It felt like years. Was Mike trying to save him ? Had he forgotten about him ?

Maybe it wasn't him ? But then he wouldn't know where he was. Who he is. He wouldn't come for him. He wouldn't know it's him that's stuck here.

In a small, terrified final attempt to reach out for help, he whispered again into the void, hoping one day, someone will come and save him: “It's me.”

#cc weekend bash #cc afton #evan afton #tw panic attack #implied death #blood mention #claustrophobia #nyctophobia #bullying #michael afton #angst

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unknown-echo · 22 days

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THROWS AT MACH FIVE. TAKE MY PUNKROCKS DOODLES ‼️

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blackbutlerfandomnerddomain · 6 months

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Pride, Identity, and Advice (Dadbastian Days 1,2,5,6)

“Young Master, why are you up?”

The butler got used to everything the manor has to offer. The cracks on the stone walls, the plants that grow and overgrow like a human connection, the way the rain falls on the windows during the storms and gentle weather change, the many attackers who come by to try and ruin the manor in some way, the faces in and out of the doors often. But he was never used to seeing his Young Master, now in his teens, awake in the dead of night with a melancholy look on his face. Ciel glanced up to his butler in black as he stood by the rain-covered window of his bedchambers, a blanket barely wrapped over his shoulders like a cap as his bare feet were flat on the wooden flooring.

The sounds of sniffles and the sight of tears still linger a foreign thing to Sebastian even after so many years living among the mortals and humans, yet still now it creates cracks in his beating drum of an organ when seeing the tears on pale cheeks. What hurt his chest more was the sight of his master wiping his face in a hurry with blanket covered hands. “I’m just checking how bad the storm is. Goodnight Sebastian.” Ciel then hurries away before his butler could ask him any more questions on the night’s adventure.

—

“My my, you’ve grown to be quite a handsome young man My Lord.” “Why hello young man, are you here to pick up an order?” “You’re growing up to be a strong man, boy, you can get married soon.” “Such a kind boy, your future bride must be so lucky.”

All day was busy with the master and butler duo going around London for errands, getting mail, getting some new tea leaves of Ciel’s choosing, picking up some new seeds for the seasons’ changes, and finally a visit to Nina Hopkins’ shop to pick new clothes. Throughout the day, Sebastian kept looking at his little Lord and kept seeing this sunken and tired expression on his face, black gloved hands always clasping and rubbing against the material over his pale flesh.

As the two walk their way into the lovely tailor shop in town, the scent of candle light on oils and various fabrics filling their senses, they are imminently greeted by the woman in question who hurries over down the stairs to the two. “Good afternoon My Lord!” Cried Nina, brown eyes eager and glittering as the usual draw of amusement meets excitement. “Good afternoon Miss Hopkins. You seem excited.” Said Sebastian with a small smile, honestly enjoying the tailor’s passion for her profession ever since he helped the pair with costumes for their musical theater project they shared. They still aren’t quite there to be the friends he would say. Nina smiled wide and straightened her back in pride, “Of course!” She cheered, “I always love to work with the Earl! Measuring him and designing the most perfect outfits are pure excitement, especially since I’m here witnessing the glorious slot of time of when a boy becomes a man!” She practically squealed out the last part as she did a small dramatic spin of her heels, earning some amusement in Sebastian. The woman clapped her hands together when she turned to the small Lord with a beaming smile, “Now then, shall we take you recent measurements, My Lord?” She pauses when noticing Ciel is looking off to the side, speaking a touch louder now, “Ahem.” Ciel’s shoulders tense as he whirled his head to her and blinked rapidly, imminently collecting himself with an assuring smile, “O-Oh I apologize, yes we shall.”

As the two walked to the fitting room, Sebastian glanced to where his master could be looking at only to see the photos of wedding gowns Nina has made over the years.

—

Sebastian pondered as he sliced the lamb he has in front of him. His master just has been acting weird, it’s almost too questionable with the recent events. He’s used to the thought of “Oh humans are just different” but rarely has that come up due to thoughts of Ciel. Maybe it’s puberty? Could he perhaps be upset about something? Did he maybe have a fight with his twin? So many possibilities that he can’t quite pick and naw on properly.

A small squirt of meat snaps him out of his drowning thoughts, he glances down to the lamb meat before him. In a strange way, seeing the cut lamb reminded him a bit of his master… The pale skin bruised and bitten up as if eaten alive, The sad swollen eyes of misery staring at everyone blankly, The dark wool of hair on top his head with any signs of horns not yet peeking or perhaps cut off, The black coated hooves that ache and numb from many fights and giving ups.

The demon realizes at that thought he’s more so thinking of the night they met… When that Earl was this scared sad child filled with trauma and guilt of a thing he couldn’t have control over nor had the option of what would happen that week… That boy starved and hurting… Sebastian, over the many many years he’s been on this plane of life and death, is used to many forms of humanity being far more cruel than demons can ever be. He got used to those terrible actions on people, on children who people preach and pray should never be harmed in any way only to turn their back when the child needs help most. Yet, he never actually saw the effects of the aftermath of such slaughter and cruelty…

“The meat will spoil if you stare at it too long, Mr Sebastian.”

The butler’s head jerked up fast and hard, almost throwing him in a rough dizzy, and slowly a smile stretched on his lips as his red eyes showed a small twinkle of warmth. “I didn’t hear you enter, Mr Agni.” A bandaged hand touched the shoulder of the demon as the man in green stood beside him, gray eyes warm and softened like melting chocolates as he looked to his butler companion. “What is on your mind, my friend?” Asked him with a small head tilt. Sebastian sighed softly and began to move his hand about to care for the meat to prepare for dinner, his words sliding out easily like a flowing water fountain, “It is my Young Master. He has been acting differently than usual. Wandering the manor at night, growing sadder and sadder with each passing second, spacing out at the strangests of times. And yet I cannot at all figure out how to ease his worried heart and soul. Somehow this feels… far different than I am used to.” Agni listened calmly before giving a thought, “Perhaps you should have a conversation with him. He may be secretly yearning for someone to come talk to him about what is weighing his mind, as I have sensed with you Mr Sebastian.” Sebastian chuckled some, “You don’t need to be so formal with me, Mr Agni. I will take your advice nicely though, but I do fear he won’t answer honestly…” “He will. Your bond is far stronger than anything I have ever seen Sebastian, you both can easily sense when the other is needing care as proven so many times of you to him and him to you, like when you were required to rest of the ship incident.” The butlers look at each other and smile, small giggles exciting lips as they recall the leaving of such a “vacation” only to come back bloody and bruised and scary stories to come with.

Blond hair peeks out the door frame of the kitchen door as Baldroy looks in, his blue eyes scanning the area curiously. “What got you in a giggling mood?” “Oh, just…memories.”

Sebastian looked to his side, only to see it empty but still warm as if a body was there just a few seconds ago. A bitter coldness filled his chest as he took in a shaky breath and a calmer sigh out. He turned to the chef and smiled, “May I help you with something, Mr Baldroy?” Baldroy shook his head and sputtered, “I… was just wondering if I can help with anything…” “Well don’t just stand there, come on in, Mr Baldroy.”

—

The butler walked down the dark halls of the manor until he arrived at the bedchamber door of the Earl of Phantomhive. Quietly, he enters and sees the lad already dressed for bed and reading, albeit a slight mess much like his life during that damn circus case. “My Young Master, have you decided I am not needed to assist you?” Sebastian said in a joking manner, only to gain silence and avoided day clashing colored eyes back.

With a sigh and sat at the foot of the bed and turned to the teen, dragging his tongue to lick his dry lips as he chose his words carefully. Finally, after mentally rereading his script of the conversation, he spoke out his query, “Young Master, I have noticed your behavior has been… odd as of late. Is something eating away at you?” Ciel turned away from him. “Don’t be silly, of course no–” “Young Master,” The master turned and looked at his butler, surprised by the sudden stern voice as if a father was scolding a child gently. “I swore to you I would never lie,” The butler continued, “And I would like you to be honest with me, just for tonight. I will rephrase my question; What is eating away at you?”

He took a mental notice of Ciel’s pale lips trembling some and how his hands tighten at the book in his hands. Finally, after what felt like weeks and months of waiting, the Earl sighed and actually settled in his spot on the bed though his eyes haven’t yet reached the older.

“Have you… ever felt like you were… going crazy Sebastian?”

For the first time, the words threw the demon in confusion and curiosity.

“Excuse me, what do you mean, My Lord?” Ciel huffed, a weak smile cracked on his face, “Of course, what a silly question. You’re a demon after all, you don’t even know the true pain of insanity…” Sebastian took more mental notes as he examined his master’s emotionally weak state, “Do you feel that way, My Lord? That you’re in insanity?” The Earl paused, that’s when Sebastian became aware he hit the nail on the head. “My Lord,” Sebastian started, easing his voice in a soothing calming manner, but was interrupted by Ciel’s sudden emotional words, “Don’t say you understand what I feel! How could you possibly understand this… this… this insane emotional hurricane that bubbles under my skin? To understand the burning feeling of them still lingering? The blood that can never be seen or unwashed under my nails? You don’t! You don’t understand these thoughts that haunt me! Their voices that taunt me! Telling me I can’t feel angered by my past if my heart fluttered at someone of the same sex as me, or if I adore the strong will of a woman outside my line of sight… The constant thoughts and strangling pains when I hear the foul words of everyone around me, telling me how much of a man I should be… The most perfect English gentleman… That I need to wed to a woman or else I’m not lovable… Knowing if I refuse somehow I’ll… I’d…”

As he watched his small shoulders raise and fall in soft wheezes, the butler in black thought hard of his words. Yes, what he said is true… He’ll never understand these feelings. The feelings society pushed into him that clashed terribly with such strong emotions.

Sebastian reached out and placed a hand on the Earl’s head who, like a rabbit being pet, the smaller pushed into the palm seeking comfort. Wheezing breaths leaving pale yet bitten lips as paler cheeks are already staining with tears and emotional flush. “What’s wrong with me Sebastian…? I’m losing my mind… I must be… Having such thoughts and feelings–” The butler stopped his master’s words with stern yet gentle words of his own, “There is nothing wrong with you My Lord. The minds of society around you are wrong.” Sebastian carefully took the Lord’s face into his hands and wiped away the tears the best he could, heat breaking at that pained look on his small face, “They tell you since the day you were born what life you should have merely based off their own beliefs without knowing a thing about you and how you feel about them planing the play of life of you. If it were me, I would be more than eager to tell you if you want to kiss a boy, go for it. If you want to wear gowns, then just do it. If you want to scream at Christ and the Lord for not answering your eager prayers, I’ll scream with you in glee. No one should be entitled to tell you how you should feel… Not after I’ve seen how much you dug your own way out of Hell.”

The teen’s shaky breath was his only reply back. Not until their arms fell forward as the Earl’s head landed on Sebastian’s chest as he hiccups and sobs away. Sebastian, with even more ache against his chest, wrapped his arms carefully around the smaller figure, gloved hands rubbing soft circles around his head and back that shake and bob with each cry. “I’m very proud of you, My Lord, you should be proud of the person you grew to be…”

—

After that night of the Lord crying himself to sleep in the demon’s arms, Sebastian made quick work of making sure his master was comfortable and not stressed out about everything. He handled the stuff connected to the Funtom Company. He made sure the manor and estate were good and clean. He explained to the servants very simply and easy to understand that their master is feeling blue as of late and to politely refrain from calling him things like “Mister” or “Sir” but not start calling him “Miss” or “Lady” as that’s not what the master wants either and treat him as they treated him prior. He made his master his favorite treats for the day. He called Nina and informed him of small changes of the wardrobe designs to fit more comfortably for his master’s true nature. He even contacted the Trancy Manor and Blavat, two places of people he despises, if the teens under their care can be so kind to visit for the day. After all, if he can’t ease the worries of his master after battling with his own identity and self worth due to society’s harsh rules and the trauma of his past, what kind of butler would he be?

Sebastian watched as the afternoon slowly shifted to night as his master, now dressed in an outfit that’s best fitted in the term of androgyny, enjoying a simple game of Old Maid with the blond Lord of Trancy and brunette circus performer of the stars. In a blink he sees the small child that stood before soiled with blood and ruins and tears, sunken sad eyes staring at him with no light to be seen.

Blinking again, he sees the picture again now, seeing the light that not only fills the blue eye of his master, but around him.

Yeeeaaaah, lowkey inspired by this song

I missed the previous prompts so I had them planned for yesterday since my head was empty on that prompt, then I saw today's prompt and went, "well this fits" so here we are!

This is for the @dadbastianweek2023 thingy which is very nice lol I grew to like some of your's headcanon of nonbinary OCiel Phantomhive (he/they) so thanks yall for that Edit: I decided to make this yet ANOTHER long story for another prompt, it's already angsty let me have this!

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