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flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash · 3 years

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Irresistible Danger - Part 54

Synopsis: After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Words: 3,305

Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing

ID Masterlist can be found HERE

Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE

Allies and Foes

You woke up the next morning to an empty bed, the cooled sheets and pillow telling you that Negan had been gone for a while. A quick glance at the clock showed it was almost 9am, and you lazily stretched underneath the red satin, enjoying the ability to sleep in.

You vaguely remembered Negan waking you up with a kiss to the neck earlier, when it was still mostly dark in the room. He had murmured something about a meeting with his Saviors, and you had responded by turning over and grumbling for him to let you go back to sleep. The last thing you remembered was his low chuckle, and then you were out again.

Reluctantly rolling out of the ridiculously luxuriant bed (seriously, where did he find such a soft mattress during the apocalypse?!), you started getting dressed. Unfortunately, you only had the outfit from yesterday, which wasn’t the cleanest after being out in the woods, but it would have to do until you returned to your own room.

The intrusive thought hit that maybe you could leave a few items of clothing here, so that you had more morning-after options for next time. You quickly dashed the thought, not wanting to get ahead of yourself. Sure, you had now spent the past three nights in a row with Negan, and two of those nights had been in his bed, but that didn’t seem like long enough to start moving in items. Just the thought of Negan doing something so domestic as allowing you to start taking over his armoire and bathroom drawers made you chuckle at the ridiculousness of it.

Though, doing so would mean more events like last night could easily occur, since you wouldn’t have to keep running back to your room for more clothes or other belongings. Your mind flashed to the shower, and what the two of you had done in it the previous evening. How you had gone to your knees and proceeded to blow both his cock and his mind. He had been particularly vocal, his sharp grunts and loud moans echoing off the tiles as he ran shaky fingers through your hair and made you feel like the most seductive woman on the planet.

Still smiling at the memory, you finished zipping up the boots, grabbed Ricardo, and headed out of the bedroom and across his office to the door. Creaking it open a few inches, you peeked down the hall. Seeing that it was clear, you quietly exited the room, shut the door behind you, and speed-walked down the halls and to the stairwell needed to get back to your room. Letting out a little puff of relief when you made it to your own floor, you slowed down the pace a bit, no longer needing to scurry like a roach caught in the kitchen when the lights turned on. Honestly, the fact that you had yet to run into a Savior or wife while making the morning-after trek to and from Negan’s room was really damn lucky and-

“Hey!”

The sound of a voice just as your hand was reaching out for the door knob to your room caused you to jump about a foot in the air. Whirling around, you saw none other than Maria at the opposite end of the hall, waving her hand in greeting as she came towards you.

Crap. Couldn’t the universe have at least let you put on clean underwear first?

Much as you didn’t want to interact with someone at the moment, you couldn’t help but recall the last time Maria had tried to speak with you, in this very hall. It had been after Negan confronted you about the pregnancy test, and you had completely ignored her and rushed past without a word. At the time you had been too emotional to care, but now you knew that she was owed an apology, not to mention the fact that you hadn’t really chatted or hung out with her since the night out at the picnic table. Doing the mental math, you realized that late night conversation had to have been a little over two weeks ago. Yea, you had been a shit friend to Maria lately, and it was totally deserved karma to have her pop up when you weren’t really prepared for social interaction. Well, you would just have to get over it. She didn’t deserve to keep being pushed aside, and you wouldn’t do so to her again.

Pasting on a grin, you opened the door and gestured for her to come inside. She preceded you into the room and settled on the rickety little bed. You tried to nonchalantly lean Ricardo against the wall, in hopes she wouldn’t ask why you were walking around with a weapon so early in the morning. Thankfully, she seemed too busy scanning the meager surroundings to notice. It had been a while since she was in your space, and you tried to take in the tiny room from her perspective, wondering if she found it lacking. You weren’t sure what the wives’ rooms looked like, since apparently Negan wasn’t keen on them having visitors up there, but if it was anything like the fancy clothes they wore then it was sure to be much nicer than your own room.

Just thinking about them made a lump of discomfort form in your stomach. It wasn’t as if you had forgotten about the fact that the man you were developing feelings for had a harem of women he called his wives, but it had been a lot easier to push them to the back of your mind when one wasn’t sitting in front of you.

Not wanting to waste time with small talk, especially when you both were smart enough to know it was a shallow distraction, you dove right in.

“I want to apologize for the other day, when I ignored you. That was shitty of me, and I’m sorry.”

She gave a tiny smile, and you immediately knew that she wasn’t mad. Of course she wasn’t. This was Maria, and she was one of the most forgiving and patient people you had known since the apocalypse began. The fact that she was still willing to even deal with your fickle ass, especially after your last couple of interactions, was proof enough of that.

“It’s alright,” she replied. “You looked pretty frazzled anyways. Everything okay?”

“I don’t know about everything, but things are alright,” you mumbled, almost hoping she wouldn’t hear the words.

You started picking at a stray thread on the grey cotton sheets, unable to help but compare them to the luxury of Negan’s satiny red ones. Ugh, why didn’t you just stay in his bed all morning, instead. You could’ve enjoyed physical comfort and social isolation there.

Able to feel the weight of Maria’s gaze, you lifted your head to look at her. As expected, she was watching you closely, the slightest ghost of a smile tipping one corner of her mouth. “What?” you asked, not rudely, but perhaps a bit impatiently. She looked like she knew a secret that you didn’t, and you wanted her to just spit it out already.

“You spent the night with him,” she stated in a gentle tone, and when you jerked in surprise and opened your mouth to say....well, you had no clue what you were going to say, but thankfully she cut you off. “Which means,” she continued with a raised palm, a silent gesture for you to not get defensive just yet, “that considering how negatively you viewed his multiple wives situation, you must also know he stopped sleeping with them.”

Mouth still hanging open, you stared her down for a few seconds before snapping it shut. Making a “go on” gesture with your hand, you waited for her to continue with wherever it was she wanted this conversation to lead.

She then told you how she had suspected for a while now that the reason why Negan stopped coming to see the wives was due to his interactions with you. Her theory had been confirmed after your late night chat out at the picnic table when you admitted to being in his bedroom, somewhere none of the wives had been allowed to enter.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you whispered, clutching the bedsheet so tightly your fingers were about to go numb.

“Honestly? Because you weren’t ready to hear the truth, and I knew you’d have completely shut down at the very thought of it. You still wanted to see him as a monster, so I figured I’d just wait and see how things played out. See if he’d keep allowing you to get close to him, or if one of you would get spooked and run, so to speak.”

You mulled this over. Was she right? If she had told you a couple weeks ago that he had suddenly stopped sleeping with all of the wives, would you have believed it? Doubtful. And even if you had, never in a million years would you have listened to her theory that his drastic change in behavior was because of the few interactions he’d had with you up until that point.

Much as you hated to admit, Maria had been right to keep quiet about it. Though you did wonder how she thought you had found out. Did she assume Negan had told you? Or maybe she was aware of how Amber had been using Trixie, and had come to the correct conclusion on her own. Maria was intelligent, so there was a good chance she knew more about the goings on around here than people gave her credit for. You wanted to ask how much she knew, but also didn’t want to risk outing Trixie, since she had told you that information in strict confidence.

Instead, you asked, “So now that you think I am ready to hear the truth, is there anything else I should know? Are the others coming up with a plan of how to quietly dispose of me, so that Negan will pay attention to them again?”

You said it jokingly, but were honestly curious to know how they felt about these recent changes. Amber obviously wasn’t your biggest fan, but what about the others? Did they see you as a threat to the luxuries they enjoyed here? Honestly, if the roles were switched, and they were the ones threatening whatever you had going on with Negan, you’d be tempted to sharpen mini-Ricardo shanks and take them out one by one. Your subconscious whole-heartedly agreed, giving a battle cry and stabbing at the air, as if taking out imaginary opponents, while your brain sighed and rolled its eyes.

“Well actually, we did recently have a group conversation about you.”

She said this calmly, but it still made your eyes go wide as you exclaimed, “You what?”

“It was a few days ago. Amber had been throwing a real tantrum after she tried to take Negan a dinner tray, and found him already in his office eating with you.”

Oh yea, you remembered that event, vividly. It had been about a week ago, before his last supply run. It was the evening he had confessed to you about his dead wife, and then Amber interrupted by knocking on the door with a tray. It had been apparent she wasn’t happy to see you there, nor to be sent away by Negan, so you weren’t surprised to hear she hadn’t handled it well afterwards.

Nodding for her to go on, Maria continued. “We let her vent about it for a couple days, since I think we were all hoping she’d eventually let it go the way she does most things that get under her skin. But she was like a dog with a bone this time, and kept running her mouth to all of us about how you were stealing Negan from us, and that if we continued to just sit back and let this happen, we were putting our status here in jeopardy.”

Sweat broke out on the back of your neck at the possibilities of where this story could be going. Just the thought of the wives sitting around talking about you as a potential threat or enemy made your stomach flop, but you stayed quiet and let Maria finish.

“She was really trying to get the rest of us riled up, and then one evening she started telling us all that we better be prepared to start scrubbing toilets for points, since we were willing to just let him toss us to the curb. That was when Sherry finally stepped in and put her foot down.”

“Wait, Sherry?!” you blurted, absolutely shook at this turn of events.

Maria nodded. “Yep. She told Amber that all she was doing was starting unnecessary drama, and that Negan had never given any indication that we would lose our privileges or have to start working for points just because he isn’t fucking us every night. Amber tried to argue at first, but Sherry held her ground. Told her that she’d gladly go get Negan, so Amber could tell him her concerns face-to-face, rather than continuing to make assumptions behind his back. That shut her up real quick, and she stormed into her bedroom and stayed there the rest of the night. I haven’t heard her say anything else about it since. She’s still sulking around a bit, but at least she’s been quiet.”

Your brain was struggling to take all this in, especially the part where Sherry had not only stood up for you, but done so against another wife. Crap, now you really felt like an asshole for being jealous and internally snarky towards her that day in the kitchen, when she took you to the medic after you cut your finger.

“Do you actually think she’ll let it go now?” You had a feeling that you already knew the answer, but couldn’t help asking.

Maria sighed. “I can’t say for sure, but Amber doesn’t seem like the kind of person who is okay with not being doted on. I don’t think she has any particularly strong feelings towards Negan, but she enjoys the status of being a wife. It can be a bit of a power trip, to catch the attention of a man like him, even if for shallow reasons.”

“Yea, don’t I know it,” you mumbled under your breath.

Maria raised an eyebrow, having obviously heard. “I don’t think I’d classify his attention towards you as shallow.”

Giving a huffed laugh and shrug, you tried to play it off. “Yea, well, is anything about Negan easy enough to classify?”

“Probably not,” she said with a shrug. “But that’s part of what makes him so intriguing, right?”

“If by intriguing you mean confounding as hell, then sure.”

Despite your annoyed tone, you were genuinely smiling at this point. Part of you wondered if this should feel more weird than it did, talking to a woman who was Negan’s “wife”, and had most likely slept with him, about whatever it was he had going on with you.

As if reading your thoughts, Maria’s face became more serious. “I hope this doesn’t make you feel like you can’t still talk to me, or see me as a friend.”

If you were being totally honest with yourself, the whole situation didn’t make you feel 100% comfortable, but you were pretty sure that was because of the possessive part of you that wanted him all to yourself. But was that a realistic emotion to even have, with a man like him? Could you be okay with him continuing to publicly have “wives”, even if he wasn’t sleeping with them? And what if he later decided to go back to them? It’s not as if he knew that you were aware he wasn’t sleeping with them at the moment.

Mentally shoving those questions into the padlocked box with the other unanswered questions, you honestly replied, “I’m not totally sure how I feel about all of this yet, but I definitely still see you as a friend, so no worries on that front.”

“I’m glad,” Maria said with a nod. “And in case I didn’t make it obvious, no part of me will be upset if Negan decides he doesn’t want to give us the same privileges anymore. Well, so long as you promise to give me a spot in the kitchen, so I’m not stuck scrubbing toilets beside Amber.”

“Deal,” you said with a laugh, glad that the air had been cleared between the two of you, and that she wasn’t harboring ill feelings towards you for taking Negan’s attention away from her and the other wives. Part of you even wondered if she had spent much alone time with him, since she hadn’t been his wife for very long when he stopped sleeping with them, but some things were just better left unknown. Besides, it’s not like he slept cuddled against any of them all night afterwards, or let them in his bed...or his shower.

Your subconscious was feeling awfully smug at that thought, nose in the air as it strutted around with a superiority complex. Meanwhile, your brain was pointing at the padlocked box of questions in annoyance, a motion which the subconscious purposely ignored.

You chatted with Maria for a bit longer, the conversation much lighter and more frivolous than before. It felt good to just hang out and discuss random topics, the way you had when the two of you were surviving for weeks out in the woods together. You might’ve each taken very different paths when it came to Sanctuary life, but it was a relief to know that the connection you had formed prior to coming here surpassed those differences. You also appreciated that she didn’t push for more information about you and Negan, and didn't even mention his name again.

When she left a little while later, a glance at your watch showed that dinner prep was in about two hours. Grateful for the chunk of alone time, you finally changed into fresh clothes and propped yourself up in bed with the copy of Harry Potter. You smiled when removing the little piece of paper you had torn from your notebook as a bookmark. While this one was blank, there was a second little piece of paper that was bookmarking a place closer to the beginning of the book. This piece of paper you had marked in pencil with the letter N, and it held the spot where Negan had stopped reading yesterday morning. You had stuck it in there after he left your room, the book having been face down on your side table where he placed it when you woke up and distracted him. Hoping that he’d return to reading it, especially if you kept his place, you couldn’t help but mark his spot.

Just the thought of his possible reactions to some of the plot twists had you smiling, at the same time as a devious thought crept into your head. If you made sure to get him hooked on the first book, he’d definitely have to find copies of the other ones in the series to share with you, right? There’s no way someone can read the first book and not need to also read the rest.

Both subconscious and brain nodded in agreement at this theory before cuddling up on either side of you, so that they could also see the opened book. Diving back into the story with a contented sigh, you immersed yourself in the magical world, not planning a return to reality and all the awaiting unanswered questions until it was time to head downstairs for dinner prep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

#negan #negan fanfics #negan fanfiction #negan x reader #negan x you #twd #the walking dead #ash writes #irresistible danger #the walking dead negan #twd negan #slow burn #fanfiction #fanfic #negan's thirst squad

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androidemotions · 4 years

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OK NEURODIVERGENT GAANG TIME BC I WANNA

these hcs are kinda halfway set in a modern au bc thats my context for this ! (gonna split it up so its not as long bc i drafted the original and it was LONG) water tribe siblings first !!!

Sokka

adhd/autism king 😌

[ID: a screenshot of Sokka standing on a raised stone platform with a map of the Fire nation hanging behind him. He’s holding his arms stiffly by his side with a wide-eyed look on his face, brows raised as he has his mouth open, saying something. End ID.]

- schedules to survive, he likes to know what hes getting into and if you try to change plans on him without warning he’ll be very resistant

- smart kid who doesnt study, oh he tries, oh boy does he try, he ends up reading the same sentence over and over until he gets distracted by drawing something, working on the blueprint for his latest invention, or with researching something completely unrelated to what he’s mean to be studying. then he tosses and turns all night because he’s stressed by not having studied, but when he actually takes the test he makes a 105, despite there not even being a bonus question, he just answered the essay question so well the teacher gave him an extra 5 points

- special interests?? we got em!!! classic weaponry (think swords, boomerangs, but also, like canons and catapults and shit) engineering/physics, art/drawing, strategy games. he tends to hyperfocus within his special interests, so like for a week he was hellbent on building his own full sized trebuchet, much to the dismay of Gran Gran who just wanted to grow her tomatoes without them being crushed by said full size trebuchet

- (also he plays all types of games probably, but he def plays those ones where you take over the world, like the ones online and azula also plays them too and they end up being rivals, while not actually knowing who the other is outside of their usernames)

- he also talks a lot in his classes/is like the ‘class clown’ and ppl think this is him not focusing but engaging this way actually helps him focus way more than sitting silently, a lot of teachers dont understand it but the ones who do are actually paying attention and realize that he’s generally talking/joking about their current topic

- some observations (this shit is all canon babey!!!) - sokka is great at being a leader and communicating in groups he’s in but he really really struggles in front of crowds, one-on-one and sokka can talk well, joke and stuff but as soon as he’s separate from other people and everyone is just listening he clams up (solar eclipse pt 1). he also loves to joke and make people laugh, and a lot of the time he misinterprets stuff because he’s autistic but he also will realize this and do it anyway because he thinks it’s funny and he likes laughing with his friends (idk if this happens in canon but i do this and sokka does too bc i said so :^). He also takes up the protector/comforting role but despite his best intentions he can sometimes say insensitive stuff and not even realize what he’s done to upset people (when he happily told aang ‘the whole world thinks your dead!’) works best when he feels needed, if he feels unnecessary or like something doesnt matter he struggles to complete it (i feel like the beginning of sokka’s master rlly demonstrates what i mean here), and this goes both ways, he will put too much value into certain things that he cares about and can get his priorities mixed if he’s focused too much on what he believes matters more than what might be most pressing (zuko destroyed his suki sculpture, oh right bc he was attacking aang)

Katara

she also has adhd/autism, (so do both Hakoda and Kya 💙)

[ID: a screenshot of Katara, Hakoda, Sokka, and Bato. Hakoda has his hand on Katara’s shoulder as they both look at Bato who is saying something, she has curious look on her face with her brows raised, while Hakoda looks exasperated. Sokka beside him his also looking curiously up at Bato, with one brow raised and the other furrowed. Bato has a neutral expression on his face as he speaks. End ID.]

- palms sweaty thoughts spaghetti, she tries to be practical bc she thinks someone needs to be but really her brain is like a runaway train, she sees something that needs doing and is like, guess ill do that now! and drops whatever she was doing first. she can get very anxious because of this because all the thing that need doing start to pile up because theyre all in her brain at once. that and as much as she tries to be practical she’s very impulsive, getting help from other people really helps alleviate this stuff

- interacting w ppl, when she was only part of her own smaller community she had a lot less toll on her, bc she knew everyone and was used to them, as she meets more people she gets really frustrated with how many people seem to refuse to say what they really mean. Katara is very straightforward herself and she says what she means, so even tho she gets more and more perceptive when interacting with new people, she resents how much she has to work just to decipher what people really mean half the time.

- caring for ppl, with people she cares about communicating is much easier bc she knows them, so she’s very open about her feelings around these people, and she can be hyper empathetic at times, but then sometimes she will say SUPER insensitive stuff off the cuff because she’s just very impulsive and she might regret it after the fact but she really struggles with apologizing because being wrong makes her feel like ppl are going to reject her

- perceptions, she knows what’s expected of her by the world, but she really rejects the idea that she has to stay in her role. still, she has internalized a lot of these expectations and tries to perform them, even when she sometimes struggles. beyond herself, she’s very certain about what she knows is wrong and has a strong moral code, she sees something wrong and she wants to fix it.

- she’s awful in school, not because she’s not smart, but she’s smart in ways that society does not appreciate. she doesnt care at all about all the worksheets and math she’s never gonna use, and all the history that got distorted, she’s much better at learning stuff on her own and she will go on deep dives of subjects she cares about and is super knowledgeable abt them.

also:

[ID: A cropped screenshot of Sokka with his arms extended outwards, palms flat as he gestures. He has a slight grin on his face with his mouth open to speak, eyebrows raised and looking at the viewer calmly. He’s wearing his usual blue tunic with the Earth Rumble XI belt along with his earth kingdom bag hanging across his chest. The text on the image says, “This post made by ADHD Sokka gang. End ID.]

[ID: a cropped screenshot of Hakoda, he has a serious expression on his face as he looks ahead. The text on the post reads, “This post made by ADHD Hakoda gang.” End ID.]

from this post (part of what inspired me to write these out) @meteor-sword now just katara needs one 😄

adhd aang next, i will finally live up to my url (will edit with a link when i post)

#a:tla #atla #katara #sokka #avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #hakoda #adhd headcanon #autistic headcanon #water siblings #image described

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warmau · 4 years

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{Special} College!AU Hendery

major: general biology

minor: infectious diseases

clubs: part of chinese culture club with sicheng + tutors sometimes but he gets off-track easily, wont admit it out loud but attends the magic the gathering gettogethers often as well, extraterrestrial enthusiasts club

sports: he originally joined xiaojun for one of his ballet classes as a joke, but ended up really liking it and now he shows up regularly and the professor thinks hendery’s upbeat, chattery attitude is so “charming” and xiaojun just,,,,,,rolls his eyes like ma’am you don’t even know,,,,,,,,

hendery is a force to be reckoned with - not necessarily in a bad way, but if you aren't a high-strung energetic type then

it can be hard to keep up

but the truth is, hendery is just like that because he’s a natural born people-pleaser

making others happy by making himself the goofiest he can be actually brings him a lot of joy

and he finds no shame in carrying the ‘class clown’ title from high school into his college years

he takes everything with ease, kun and xiaojun frequently ask if he’s being an idiot on purpose, and hendery just thinks its hilarious

yangyang and yukhei usually just egg on his jokes and stunts

yukhei likes to partake in them too

but yangyang is a little too smart

and wont take on any bet thrown at him the way these two will

and believe me, hendery’s got a record for it

in his freshman year, he applied to a bunch of frats - only to see if he could past initiations

getting pied in the face, lugging mattresses across the quad, standing up in the middle of class to profess his love to the professor

all of those tests were easy-peasy ,,,,,, and even though he’d passed them all ,,,,,,, in the end he didn't even join any of the frats

just thanked them for the “fun times” while the other recruits eyed him like he was insane

basically, he will do anything asked of him - especially if itll make for what he refers to as “good comedy”

if it really is “good comedy” you have to ask the spectators - and the people who end up being pulled into it - which more than often are either his friends or his classmates

so why general bio? and even weirder - why infectious diseases?

well as silly as hendery is, the silliness doesn't translate well into art or literature

like he tried his hand at poetry and pottery and other humanities

and lets just say ,,,,,,,,,,, it didn't work out

(he’s banned from the literature department)

science on the other hand,,,,,,,,

leaves much more space for silliness than hendery could have ever imagined

although its a lot of math and rigorous testing - hendery enjoys the adventurous part of science

he likes opening textbooks with colorful, kind of icky, diagrams

have you ever seen the inside of a cell? hendery thinks it looks like a clown maze at the amusement park - he loves it!!!

biology is one of the most hands-on sciences

and when people in his intro course were gagging at the idea of disecting a frog

hendery was just like “leave it to me - even though i was only half listening to the professors instructions!”

and diseases are even more interesting to him

because their genetic makeup is so funny, and their scientific names are even funnier!!!!!!!

“hey xiaojun, you know what i learned about today? leptospirosis. LEPTOSPIROSIS - doesn't it sound kinda like leprechaun!?!?!? i almost died laughing in lab!!!!!”

xiaojun: how is that even funny

kun: just let the child amuse himself

sometimes people mistake his enthusiasm about his major as meaning he isn't actually interested in it as a career

just taking part in it like some inside joke

but that's far from the truth

hendery is actually a pretty proficient scientist when the topic intrigues him

and although hes loud and a little disruptive in actual lab

there are rare occurrences when you can find him quietly working on his results and papers

there’s nothing funny about making a mistake in science, hendery knows and understands that

and even though he doesn't tell many people it - he does have some interest in taking steps toward entering the medical field

but hes kept it a secret - because no one would take him seriously anyway so there isn't any point in talking about it

when hes not in class, making the professor groan and the students snicker behind their laptops

he’s usually at someone elses dorm rather than his own

he’s almost always given an invite to a party, people are always calling him over to join them for late night drinking or karaoke

because if hendery is there - it is guaranteed to be a good time

on multiple occasions, ten and kun have had to come to his aid

there was one time where hendery kind of totally overdid it and ten even had to facetime hendery’s mom

she had given him an earful over the phone, thanking ten when she was finally done

and just as hendery thought he could scurry off, ten had told him he had his own lecture in store

hendery’s busy social life isnt a problem for xiaojun though, who he shares his dorm with

hendery’s gone most of the time so xiaojun dumps all his stuff in the closet and is happy to use the extra space for ballet practice

,,,,,,,,,,until hendery stumbles in at 4pm on a sunday and is like “hey!” before passing out directly on the floor

look me in the eyes and try and tell me hendery doesn't have corny meme stickers on his laptop. you cant.

although hes wild, and a hand full, his friends do really care about him

and when they’re all together

kun and ten admit that hendery is extremely good at cheering them up

xiaojun and yangyang do have to agree that life would be boring without him

and sicheng and yukhei, who never interfere with his lifestyle choices, reveal that hendery is a good friend

when anyone needs something

hendery will jump through hoops to get it

and he’s usually up for taking the blame if something goes wrong

that’s exactly how you end up meeting hendery

back in highschool you two hadn’t ever interacted, mostly due to the fact that you had transferred in during senior year

and you were a bit on the reserved side

with an interest in quiet library's and flying under the radar till graduation

while hendery was much more of a social butterfly

with people begging for him to follow back on instagram or make it to their weekend parties

you had both existed in virtually different worlds - until you found yourself in a really, really, really bad situation

it had been the literal last day of highschool

you were one hundred and one percent sure you had absolutely everything out of your locker, most importantly - your college acceptance letter

which was one of your proudest achievements, but also the only document with your student id notification which you’d need for registrations and the acceptance orientation

giddy as you walked out toward the bus, you rummaged around in your bag one last time

just so you could pull it out and read it all over again when -

you must have looked absolutely insane on the curbside, dumping everything out of your bag and digging around like a rabid animal

but it was gone - your folder with your letter, and not to mention your graduation certificate, GONE

you scoop everything back up and run back toward the school - you’re happy that you see a figure coming out of the front door

because that means you can still get inside

the boy brushes past you and the door shuts behind him - you pull at the bar and then he turns around, taking his headphones off

“oh, the schools closed. the janitor let me out but-”

your eyes are so wide and full of terror when you turn that hendery can’t even finish his sentence

you look like you’ve seen a ghost and he asks you whats wrong

“m-m-my- a-a-accept-acc- my-m-”

hendery doesn’t understand any of your muttering - so he does what he always does when his friends go into a stupor

he grabs you by the shoulders and gives you a good shake

you’re about to yell at him, but it actually lets you collect yourself for a moment

you turn and start feverishly banging on the door

“what are you doing?!”

“you said something about a janitor - if he hears us he’ll let me back inside and i can get my letter!”

hendery sort of stares at you, for the first time he’s in the position where he looks at someone and thinks - seriously? are you insane, all this over some letter?

when usually he’s on the receiving end of such judgement

but either way, he tells you to stop - the janitor isn’t going to hear some loud bangs and come running

you guys are going to have to do something bigger to his attention

before you know it, hendery’s dropped his bag and circles around the school

you follow him, not sure of what else to do - but when he’d said you had to do something bigger, it sounded like he had a plan

and hendery does have a plan - he stops outside the large glass window right under the gym

“ok, you - go back to the front entrance. when the janitor steps out, run in through the door and get your letter.”

“how are you going to get him to step out?!”

hendery looks around, pushing aside some of the shrubs and picking up a rock

you look at it, then him, and then the window

“you're not going to-”

he feigns offense, “destroy school property? of course not! now go - run to the front.”

you only half believe him, but you need that letter more than anything, so you circle back to where you started

it all happens in a blurry flash - you hear something shatter, you hear the door push open a minute or two later, you dash passed and down the empty halls

you’re so focused on getting your letter and getting the hell out of there that you don’t notice the voices outside or the big crack in the window as you’re running back

with your letter in hand, you sort of disappear before you can get caught up in whatever hendery’s plan was

and hope that he at least got away too

the next time you see him is at freshman orientation

you’re surprised that this school was his choice and under any other circumstance you’d brush it away

but you’re itching to know

so when you approach him and ask, how did he help you out on that faithful day (does he even remember it?)

hendery grins, wide and bright

“of course ii remember it! the janitor caught me and ii had to do community service or pay a fine. spent half my time cleaning up garbage in a park because of you!”

the words aren't malicious - actually he doesnt even look mad when you apologize for such a big inconvenience

instead he just tells you it was worth it - it took him sometime, but he figured that the letter you’d been going on about like crazy had to be something ultra important

you hadn’t even known this dude - and yet, he was talking to you like he had just done a favor for an old friend

since then, you’d grown closer to him

and now you both where in your junior years - you’d become a part of his friend group and he had become someone so much more than just a stranger

looking back at it - you’d never thought you and him would get along on such a deep level

but you did, and you suspected it had most to do with the fact that no matter how goofy or dumb his antics were

hendery had never and would never intend to hurt anyone

in fact, he’d put himself in harms way first

and his loyalty was something lost on most people your age - you admired it

sometimes, you were even jealous of the pure-natured almost naïve way he went about life

so now you’re sitting in his dorm, xiaojun is at his desk watching ballet recitles and you’re shifting through hendery’s messy pile of books and papers

“isn’t your lab due tomorrow - how did you manage to lose it?”

he rummages through his backpack and whines

“i didn't loooose it- i bet kun stole it!”

“kun isn’t taking a bio class, you just probably tossed it out like always.”

“hey!”

you turn to see hendery’s signature pout, deep dark eyes big and hurt

“you’re making me sound so dumb!”

“hendery,,,,,,,sometimes - you are.”

he sticks his tongue out and you continue to look through the pile, your hands stop when they reach the thin, silver book that is your highschool yearbook

your copy is at home, you wonder for a second why hendery’s is here

“did you find it?!”

hendery bounds over and you cover it up quickly - giving him a playful shove away

“no, now keep looking - or else you’re going to have to re-do all fifteen pages tonight!”

he whines, but returns to his corner of the room. your fingers tap the stack of paper and you feel a weird wave of nostalgia hit you

it’s broken up as the door swings open to the dorm and sicheng walks calmly through it

he passes you a handful of crumpled papers

“found hendery’s lab report in our trashcan.”

you turn to glare at hendery who puts his hands up and grins

“oops?”

after you leave hendery to retype his lab, you find yourself thinking about that yearbook again

you’ve been hendery’s friend for almost three years now - but in highschool you guys hadn’t even spoken

you’ve never thought about it before, but it’s almost shameful that you lost all those years

because hendery is a good friend, a lifelong friend

you and him could have had so many more memories together if instead of meeting on the last day in an almost comical twist of events

he could have been in your literature class, or you could have been his tutor and then you two could have just bonded like you did in college and become friends, even maybe-

lovers

you stop walking as the word flashes through your mind

“no, that’s just,,,,,,,silly.”

you toss the momentary curiosity to the side - if anything, ever since you started college you’d only had one crush on somebody

a crush so secret, you hadn’t even dared to write it down in your journal - let alone tell anyone

and you planned on keeping it that way

afterall, you had a degree to get and you were so - so close.

a couple of weeks later you find yourself handing in the last paper before a small spring break, you plan on going home when you get a call

hendery’s voice full of excitement

“whens your train home?”

he asks, not bothering with a greeting - he’s probably the only person you know who likes to jump right into any conversation

“tomorrow, around three.”

“cool - so that means you can party tonight!”

you roll your eyes - that's another thing you’ve gotten into since being hendery’s friends, parties

although they still aren’t your favorite pastime - you have to admit, they can be entertaining

and you and ten have sort of agreed that as the responsible ones, being at the party would at least mean hendery (and on most occasions yukhei) would have a safe way to get home

“maybe, depends on the party.”

hendery’s laugh is a sound so familiar - and so nice you sometimes think you can hear it forever and not grow sick and tired of it at all

“actually this time it’s at johnny’s place in the city! he finally got out of the dorms since he’s in graduate school now - but ten convinced him somehow.”

you know johnny suh, who doesn’t, a graduate student in film studies and super close friend of ten’s

back when you and hendery were still freshmen, johnny was the one known on campus for being a little too wild

but now, hendery seems to have stolen the title

“well if it’s at his place I guess it’ll be pretty small, im just happy we aren’t going back to that frat.”

hendery makes a disgusted sound

“nah! that place was boring and remember how i almost punched that guy out for-”

“yes, i remember. what time should i be heading over?”

“ill pick you up at ten!”

you hang up and smile, something in your chest warms a little - a feeling you haven’t felt before

sometimes he can be so crazy, and then sometimes he really is a gentleman

the thought doesnt occur to you as being unique in anyway, and you try hard not to fester on that weird feeling in your chest

hendery is late - because of course he is - but you’re used to it and give him just a little bit of a scold as you two walk toward the metero

other than that the conversation is the same, plans, friends, potential people you’ll run into at the party, etc.

you and hendery stand close to each other on the subway, his hand comes up to hold your shoulder when the cart jerks or someone is pushing past you to get in

you poke the hole in his tshirt hem and mutter that he should at least ask xiaojun to sew it up

when you both get to the party, johnny is already half a wine bottle in by the flush on his face and the way ten is chasing after him

sicheng and kun are there, mingling among themselves and waving you guys over

hendery says he’s going to join them and you’re about to step toward them to

when you feel someone tap your shoulder

you turn, and something in your body feels like it snaps

yukhei smiles at you and starts asking where hendery is - but you are looking over his shoulder at the person behind him

lee taeyong

the computer science major who had also studied alongside johnny at your college when you were a freshman

you had seen him when you had just started your first couple of weeks and that entire year had been like you were enchanted

he was an otherwise reserved, soft-spoken person

but his reputation was the unattainable heartbreaker - who would turn down confessions politely but with little to no regard

he was beautiful when you last saw him, and he was beautiful now - all this time later

whats he doing here?

you’d been to johnny’s place before and had never seen him around, other graduate students sure but not taeyong

“ah! by the way - this is taeyong. he graduated but i met him because he’s here to-”

you bow a little and rush through the crowd toward the solitary confinement of the bathroom

to your luck, two voice shout from inside that its occupied so you escape to the stairs of the building - going up a couple of floors until the sound of the party is nothing but a drawl

you don’t know why, but seeing him hurts

it’s because he was the first person you ever really loved

you don’t get it too - your communications with him had been limited to a two time greeting in the computer lab late during finals week

you had seen him around, you’d once even followed him embarrassingly through the library

you knew nothing about him but his major and his beauty

so what made your heart fall so hard never really made sense

the way you’d felt was so confusing and therefore it made you so ashamed

you had thought about telling your friends to understand - why, but never did

and so you curl up a little and think that tonight its only a good idea for you to go

“ah! there you are - hey, are you crying?”

hendery’s voice breaks you out from your thoughts and you unravel a little to huff at him

“im not crying, im just -”

he sits down and puts a hand on your knee

“did some asshole try something, if you need me to get them let me know - you know how good ii am at rock throwing!”

the little inside joke makes you crack a smile and you shake your head

“its not that, i was just feeling a little cramped in there.”

he pulls to cans of beer from his jean pockets and sets them down

“that’s fine, we can party up here! just the two of us!”

you’d resist - but something about his cheer wins you over

you spend what feels like hours up there, hendery running back and forth between the flights to bring back more beer and snacks

you dont know how many cans are littered around you until your head falls against his shoulder

and if you were sober, you’d feel him tense up

“hey hendery - wanna hear a secret?”

you giggle and hendery turns a little, your eyes are glittering and your speech is just a little bit crocked

“sure, but ii think this should be your last can!”

he slips the beer from your hand - and you make a badly attempted reach for it that just lands your palm against his thigh

again, his body goes into alert, but you just keep going

“i have a crush on someone.”

you hiccup and hendery swallows - his heartbeat is a loud thudding in his ears

“o-oh yeah? on who?”

“wwwwwwwellllllll,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

you sit up and hendery looks at you again - you brace his shoulders

“taeyong.”

you hiccup and grin

“lee taeyong.”

with that you let go of hendery’s shoulders which have dropped anyway

you tilt your head back and hendery lurches forward to grab you when you start tipping over

your eyes close and you feel your head hit something soft - probably the front of hendery’s shirt

you whisper the next sentence, but hendery never hears it

“used to - i used to have a crush on him but now i think i,,,,,”

the words don't come out but it doesnt matter, hendery touches your cheek with his palm and sighs

you’re out cold for now

and he says something you never hear too

“damn, and here i was. stupid enough to think you were going to say my name instead.”

the incident doesnt come back to you - not even when you’ve had an advil and are drinking coffee in the morning as you pack for home

your group chat is talking about yukhei doing something weird and your other texts are normal

so you just assume ,,,,,,,, nothing happened

and that's what it feels like

until you’re back to classes after spring break and

“soooooooooooo, a little birdie told me a secret over the break!”

you turn your head and look up to see yukhei

he plops himself down in the chair across from you and nearly sends the whole table shaking

you grab your laptop and coffee before it knocks over

“you and your giant knees need to be more careful.”

he waves it off and leans forward

“so, lee taeyong.”

your fingers, which had been diligently typing up your homework stop short

yukhei claps his hands and points a finger gun at you

“so you do like him! well, good news for you i got his number at the party and you guys are both all about work and school and-”

you shut your laptop and the noise makes yukhei’s voice shake for a second

“who told you about taeyong.”

yukhei scratches his head and leans back

“well i probably shouldn’t tell you but hendery. he heard taeyong and i got introduced by johnny so he thought i could help you-”

hendery?

something twists

hendery, did i tell hendery? when?

you stare into your lap and gasp

the party, i got drunk and i told him at the party and he -

“w-who else knows?”

yukhei waves his hand, trying to calm you down

“just the usual, but we all support it - im pretty sure taeyong is single and -”

he told, everyone?

a multitude of thoughts runs through your mind, but the biggest question is why

even if you were a little out of it, you know you wouldn't have just told hendery to go about spreading your secret

you’re sure, even if its fuzzy, that if you confided in him - you would have made it somehow clear that no one else should know

and hendery was close enough to you, that if there was a chance you hadnt done that, he’d instinctively know

which only leaves one real explanation - hendery isnt your friend, he spilled your secret to humiliate you

all these years - all this time - was he just waiting for it? for the right moment to make you some kind of laughingstock?

you stand up and gather your things, you ignore yukhei’s confusion and when he tries to stop you - you just push past him

it must be for payback, he must have been actually so pissed about that stupid stunt he pulled for me in highschool. after all, he probably got a stain on his record because of it and so he plotted to make me look like a fool one day right - right!

your logical brain starts moving, making up more and more scenarios

he probably thought - oh why do I have to take the blame for some stupid stranger! but didn't know what else to do so he befriended me and made him trust me

your brain runs like a crazed engine, but something in your chest fights against it

suddenly you think about it again

trust, hendery is the one person i fully trust. there isn't any reason for him to hurt me

a glimmer of that hopefulness washes right away when you get a text from an unknown number

you stare at it and re-read it

the anger that had powered you before surges up through you again

‘hi, this is lee taeyong. your friend told me how you feel and while im grateful for the compliment - ii don't want to let you pine for no reason. im currently not looking for a relationship, but lets be friends if the chance arises.’

what kind of stupid text is that - i don't want to date you! im not some lovestruck idiot! why are you treating me like one? why did hendery make me out to be one? hendery - hendery - im never going to fucking forgive you

and you don't - you block the number, you delete the contact, you know his schedule and you make it a point to avoid him at all costs

even his friends, who you thought were your friends once, aren't immune from the cold shoulder

and so when kun ends up sitting beside you on the bus - you’re so damn headstrong about it all that you get off at the next stop

part of you knows this is childish, and you’re supposed to be the big adult - the responsible one

like you’ve always been

but

but hendery isn't even making an effort to reach out

actually, you think you’d probably haven given in by know if he’d called you or tried to reach you

he knows your schedule too so you thought hed track you down and at least ask whats going on

but he hasnt

which all you take is the fact that your point has been proven

this insane theory about how he’d befriended you for almost three years was just to find someway to get back at you in the end

and he’d done it! and he was satisfied!

and it hurt

that's what it was

painful

after a while it was less and less about your stupid little crush on a senior, and more and more about the fact that you had lost you friend

a person who you thought would have your back forever

a person who the universe didn't intend for you to even be near, to ever be close to

the opposite end of the spectrum and yet he had defied that all

and had left an impact on you that you thought would be with you forever

the blind kindness, the forgiving heart, the prone to accidents and silliness and just horrible decision making in general all for the sake of someone elses happiness

all of that had made you cherish him

at this point - you found yourself sitting up in bed - staring at the screen of your phone that used to ping nonstop with his texts

and realize you missed your friend

and worse of all

you missed your friend who you were starting to fall in love with

lee taeyong had been this ideal for you, beautiful and studios, the perfect match

you had daydreamed about bringing him home to your family, how he’d probably be so sweet and gentle

but he was this stand-in, he was a dream that you thought you had

when in reality

your dream didn't consist of the graceful, hardworking, flawless man

it was

as you closed your eyes and really thought about it

it was always hendery

clumsy, laidback, overflowing with flaws man that at the center of it all was crafted with a heart of gold

but was he? would someone like that really sell you out?

your answer comes just as the end of your junior is approaching, you’re so mentally exhausted from school and your own feelings

that you don't have the time to focus on anything anymore but getting to your dorm and getting to bed

you accidentally drop one of the textbooks in your hand and when you reach down to get it - another hand extends for it too

you look up and

oh god no, not right now!

“ah -- hello.”

taeyong gives you polite smile and you barely have enough energy to reply with your own small nod

“how are you?”

please don't do this to me, i don't want to make conversation with you

“fine, and you?”

“good, work hard on your finals!”

you say you will and are happy that he ended it so quickly when,

“also, i am still sorry i couldn't accept your feelings.”

the heavy blanket of tiredness suddenly feels like its aflame on your back

really, did you really have to say that?

some kind of newfound energy spikes up in you and you turn to him

“I know you're my senior, but ii need to say something to you.”

he titls his head

“i don't like you, i had a brief crush on you in freshman year but ii got over it. and no im not saying that to save face, ive already felt enough embarrassment about all this. ontop of that I don't have time to crush on you - im in love with hendery and yeah, i can say that now because it doesnt even matter.”

“YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HENDERY?!?!?!?”

“YUKHEI?”

you pivot around so fast, this time all your books go flying

you hadn’t even noticed him in the haze of weakness and yet - there he is, right behind taeyong

like an unbound puppy he rushes up to you and grabs your hands

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE INTO TAEYONG!”

your instinct is first to tell him to not be so damn loud

but you’ve lost what pride you thought you had and yell right back at him

“NO IM NOT AND YES - I LOVE HENDERY - BUT HIS STUPID ASS HASNT EVEN TRIED TO TALK TO ME AND I HATE HIM, I LOVE HIM BUT I REALLY HATE HIM RIGHT NOW TOO!”

yukhei jumps up and down

you’re not sure he registered the last part of your sentence because something gleams in his eyes that you aren't sure you like

taeyong shakes his head, quietly picking your things up

“ah, these kids really,,,,,,,,”

you pace up and down your dorm room like mad scientist

why did I do that? why did ii yell that out to the whole campus to hear - what is wrong with me?!?

you check your phone, but there isn’t a call or a text

yukhei has probably blabbed about it to hendery right now - what is going on why is no one telling me what is going on

you pick your phone up and scroll through the blocked contacts, you unblock everyone

and you do get a flurry of text - but none of them are from hendery

ugh, im so stupid - not only did he trick me into being his friend but now he knows how ii feel about him and is probably laughing about it

you stop and put your hands on your face and groan

fuck you hendery, no one in the world could make me feel this crazy but you

some more time passes and you’re now sure that you’ve just embarrassed yourself further

you spotted kun on the way to your last final yesterday and had almost waved at him like everything was all peachy

when it wasnt

and now as you were packing your things up to leave the lecture hall you almost jump from your skin when someone shouts your name

you look down and beside a shocked professor is

hendery?!?!?

“DID YOU THINK YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD GET TO SCREAM ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS?”

oh my god - what is this kid about to do

you watch in shock as the professor taps hendery’s shoulder, but is ultimately ignored

“YOU MADE ME GET ALL DEPRESSED FOR NO REASON - I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERENT EVER GOING TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN AND THEN YOU JUST GO ABOUT YELLING THAT YOU LOVE ME? THATS NOT FAIR!”

you panic a little because the professor brings out his cellphone and hendery’s gotten in trouble for you before

you kinda think that's going to happen now too

but,,,,,,but you want to hear what he has to say too

“ITS NOT FAIR SO IM GONNA DO THE SAME THING - GET READY BECAUSE IM GONNA LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT I - WON KUNHANG - AM IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO!”

just as he finishes, you see the professor put down his phone

your head spins, but you let your feelings be pushed to the side as you maddash toward hendery

the professor probably dialed for on-campus security, and whats worse is this idiot just said his full name! well - let me at least help him out like he helped me!

you grab hendery as soon as you get near him

looking him in the eyes and every part of you is screaming a million and one things

to yell back at him, to get angry, to tell him to fuck off, to tell him you love him to his face, to ask if hes insane for real

but you just

kiss him

the professor jerks back and you can feel hendery’s knees almost give out

when you pull back you turn to the provfessor and smile

“we’re doing impromptu theater, was it any good?”

your bluff actually manages to work - the security gives you two a stern talking to and tells you to tell the theater club to knock it off with these “public disturbances”

you squeeze henderys hand behind your back when he tries to insist it wasn't a performance, it was his true confession

until you’re finally free of the guard and you let him go

“you could say that kiss was fake all you want, but i know it was real.”

is the first thing he has the AUDACITY to say to you

and although you want to blow up

you want to ask him about how this all happened in the first place

you cant bring yourself to be mad

you just look at him and then sigh

“how’d it end up being you,,,,,,”

he shrugs his shoulders and suddenly his voice gets a little quieter

“i ask myself the same thing,,,,,,”

you furrow your eyebrows and huff

“excuse me? are you saying im not likable-”

he puts his hands up and shakes his head

“no, im just saying you’re right - we definitely aren’t the people we thought we’d fall for. ii mean c’mon, when you said taeyong that night - i just knew you know.”

“knew what?”

“that he was the right choice for you. im just a stupid kid compared to him, there’s nothing about me for you to fall in love with.”

he’s not lying, you can tell by the way his tone is soft and there's a real self-hatered woven into it

your anger about whatever slips away because this is a side of hendery you knew existed but that you also knew he fought hard to not show

“hendery, you are stupid. you’re stupid because you legitimately think you’re inadequate of attention and love. do you know why you’re popular - its not because you’re so funny.”

he stands up straight and the serious look on his face is handsome, but it makes something sharp wedge in your heart

“its because you are one hundred percent selfless. and not for some kind of advantage, but because you really want to help.”

your shoulders drop a little

“i envy you, your hearts pure and your intentions are always good. living life that way is so beautiful, that's the first thing about you that i feel in love with.”

a silent pause follows after

the rawness of the situation dawns on the two of you in a way you didn't think would ever be possible

you've told a lot of things to hendery, you subconsciously spilled one of your biggest secrets to him

so it only makes sense that when it came down to this moment you’d really, honestly tell him everything

you feel as maybe you've made it a little awkward, lecturing him in a moment where you both have confessed when suddenly

you feel his hand take yours

that signature smile back on his face

“oh yeah? what else did you fall in love with?”

half of you wants to snap, the other half - the one that wins bursts out into laughter

the list is long, but in the moment you just answer

“the fact that you’re soooo good at throwing rocks!”

“hey, it is a charm!”

he leans in and his lips settle on yours, they’re warm and soft and you circle your hands around his neck

you had thought about what kissing him would feel like before - once just for fun, but recently for other reasons

you didn't expect him to be so reserved, letting his lips sort of softly part only when you push a little closer to him

its a good second kiss, though you don't think anything will ever beat your first lol

and nothing beats the story too - which makes it to the front of the student journal

(both you and hendery get a talking to from theater club who was NOT happy about you lying - but ultimately did like that you ended up together)

you are in perpetual embarrassment shock for a while

but hendery eats it up! - if anyone as much as mentions it he’‘s like

“let me tell you the beautiful tale of our lov-”

and you have to clamp your hand over his mouth like lol sorry don't mind him

even in the early stages of dating, you can tell that hendery is that kind of significant other

just like he is with friendships, he gives himself wholeheartedly to the other person

like yes, you just started dating and you know most people don't start off shouting that they love each other

but you guys are different and although you've somehow become a little shy of using the word

hendery is in it - you are his love, his lovely, his lovable, his capital L love of his goddamn life and if he doesnt get to say it a million times well then

he just isn't trying hard enough

and although his affection is overflowing, and his love language is obviously expression

it is not smothering at all because in reality, you feel exactly as much as he does

its just that you show it off differently, but those who are your friends know

because hendery used to be able to do anything and everything

hence his notoriousness for being down for any dare

but your love language? protection

“no hendery, you are not going to drink hot sauce out of the bottle because yukhei said you couldn't do it.”

“no hendery, you are not going to dress up like the shrek just because ten bought the costume on amazon”

“no hendery, you are not going to climb that fence - hendery get down!”

you aren't trying to limit his free spirit - youre just worried

when you were just friends he was always in some kind of trouble, either with people in authority or covered in bruises and scraps from the aftermath of his silliness

you explained it once to him in the simpliest terms you could think up

squishing his cheeks between your palms youd looked him in the eye and said

“you are my boyfriend, and if you break your arm doing something dumb - what does that mean 1) your arm is broken and 2) you cant hold my hand with that arm so that sucks for me and you - right?”

to be honest you could dangle holding hands or kisses as leverage and hendery will give up on the spot

because lets be honest, he cannot live a day without at least giving you some kind of physical affection

the boy is a bursting pile of cheesy love - and you really try not to use that against him

because it really is so wonderful and pure

but if he wants to do something dumb you will put your palm out when he leans in to kiss you and he will get all fretty like a big baby

kun at some point: don't you feel like youre a dog owner with a big, misbehaving puppy

you: no, not at all.

kun: really?

you: at least a misbehaving puppy listens sometimes

kun: ah, i see

hendery’s kind of dates include a lot of latenight fast food runs and showing up to your dorm with the excited news that he got a hold of someones netflix password so you guys can binge corny tv shows

you thought he’d be the type to want a new adventure everyday, but surprisingly enough, hes very VERY content with staying in and just snuggling

not to say you two don't have some very memorable and slightly embarrassing date stories

ahem, that one time hendery got you bubble tea and you were waiting outside and he said “look I can balance both our drinks on my head!”

of course he spilled them all over himself

and you two used up all the napkins in the store before escaping the cashiers glare into a nearby store to get hendery a new tshirt

hendery isn't super flashy by the way, his clothes are mostly comfortable basics, and he likes a bit of an oversized fit

so when you wear them they’re extra loved and cozy

hendery gets a bit fidgety the first time you do it - and you really cannot tell why

you wonder if he doesnt like you borrowing his clothes, but then you roll over a little to cuddle against him and he freezes

and you’re like

oh, that’s why

hendery - although loud and energetic in all other aspects of life - is a pretty bashful lover

his hands are always a little shaky and he waits for you to lead in with anything more than kisses

and you actually think its very, very adorable

because he gets this kinda dreamy look in his eyes and his voice gets softer

and when your lips are on his collarbones its like the only thing he can even do is whisper your name against your hair

its a side you enjoy keeping all to yourself, and hendery is so thankful because oh my god no one would let him live it down

xiaojun gets a little grumpy that you and hendery are always around more - but he likes you as a person

(to him, youre the only person who can really keep hendery’s ambitiousness incheck)

so he lets it slide

plus you finally got hendery to stop coming around to his ballet practice, because you refuse to let hendery do so until he finishes his labs

and you know hendery is smart, you tell from the way he can offhandedly answer questions about his major

and even though he has this idiotic habit of dumbing himself down for comedy

seeing him run up to you and show you the first perfect score on his lab, it really makes you swell with pride

and his interest in infectious diseases and all the weird diagrams of micro-organisms and whatnot doesnt phase you

actually his passion for it makes you excited to listen to him talk

and ten is like ew that thing looks like a bug

and youre like “listen to me, if hendery thinks the cell membrane is cute then you say its cute. ok. or. else.”

gosh when you guys get together - theres this energy that is so ,,,,, sweet - its almost a little dizzying

because its obvious that these feelings you two can so freely show to each other now have been piling up for a while

and now its free reign

sometimes hendery’s bangs get long and hell lean in to kiss you but his hair will tickle you first

and you always do this like giggle and hiccup when you get tickled

and hendery once blinks and goes

“you know your hiccups are number 105 on the list of things I love about you”

and you laugh because lol wow do you really have a list

and hes like pffft no

(he has a list, it is in his iphone notes)

hendery the type of boyfriend who spends like five weeks planning a celebration for your anniversery

but on the day off hes like F I cant do this and abandones all his plans

and just shows up in front of you with twelve different bundles of flowers and ten different stuffed animals

and is like

“I know you really like roses, but also you said you liked sunflowers when we went to that farm and i know your a cat person, but you also like wolves so I got you-”

he just really really really wants to make you happy

and sometimes you can tell that he thinks he doesnt

that he compares himself to people he thinks are better for you

and that's when you’re just like hendery, look at me - its you. its only going to be you.

because the universe might have felt like you two didn't fit, but its so obvious you do

you made up a rule that if hendery tries to talk down about himself he has to do ten pushups with you on his back

but you never actually make him do it ,,,,, you just spend like an hour telling him he’s so dumb - because you are so in love with him

as you guys go into senior year together, hendery becomes your biggest cheerleader and you become his

and seriously you two could get through anything togther

one afternoon, as you’re walking back from class and hendery slides his palm into yours

you see johnny and taeyong across the ways - they’re picking some people up or something and taeyong notices you two

he waves

and you both wave back

when you get to your dorm and you curl up in hendery’s arms, you feel him play with the ends of your hair

“I never asked you, why did you tell everyone about my crush on taeyong?”

“when you said you liked him, I thought you meant like in the moment - and so I thought I could get yukhei to set you two up.”

“but didn't you already have feelings for me?”

hendery smiles a little against your hair

“yeah, but nothing mattered more to me than making you happy.”

you clutch the front of his shirt a little - the sentence makes you want to cry

from happiness, but also because of course - you had jumped to conclusions thinking he’d done it to hurt you

but its hendery, of course he only did it to help

“wanna know something dumb?”

hendery moves back a little so he can look at you better

“hmm?”

“ive always wished we knew each other better back in highschool - maybe then we’d have more time and none of that would have happened. maybe we could have fallen in love all those years ago.”

he scrunches up his nose and you sit up

he follows suit and takes your hands in his

“yeah but - it was worth it. and hey, if we’d been buddies or whatever you might have never left your letter in that locker and ii would have never gotten to throw that rock through the window.”

you roll your eyes

“reall-”

“that was a stupid thing to do, and its the only stupid thing ive done that im so happy i did.”

you let yourself fall forward, right into his arms, they’re warm and they feel so perfect around you

“oh - and shouting out how much i love you in front of your whole class. that's another stupid thing im proud of.”

*this post was commissioned | other college!aus

#wayv scenarios #wayv imagines #wayv au #hendery scenarios #hendery imagines #hendery au #wayv #hendery #college!au #sfw #member: hendery #the way this reads like a 12 part anime in one #wiring commission #wayv hendery #tw: drinking #/drinking

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xserpentlife · 4 years

Text

Care *Smut*

Requested: Kinda, mentioned this yesterday, started as a request but when elsewhere. Orig Request here: Hey hun ease can I have a ddlg little girl smut imagine with sweetpea or fp jones not bothered which where I have been a brat all day and he punishes me thanks so much xx.

A/N: This was created and I accidently went somewhere other than the request, I am also using this as one of the bingo spots on my card: Aftercare.

Warnings: Smut

Word Count: 2339

There was something off with you today and Sweet Pea could tell from the start. First it was waking you up, you didn’t want to, which was not much different than usual, however, this time you actually cried and Pea didn’t know what to do. You weren’t in pain, you weren’t going through anything really. He just held you while you cried and then eventually got you dressed and to school.

Finally at school when pulling in the drive you began to calm down.

“Wanna tell me what that was about?”

“I dunno, Daddy.”

Another odd thing to add to the list for the day. You were his little girl, mostly only in bed though, and once in a while after play when you slipped into little space. It was very, very odd and concerned him that you were calling him daddy in a non sexual manner while at school. You were often a brat in public, using daddy to turn him on, but this was entirely different.

“Baby girl talk to me”

“Gotta school daddy”

“Be a good girl in class and don’t say anything okay, I’ll see you during free hour”

“Okay daddy” you kissed him on the cheek something you always did while in little space

He was afraid you’d get found out, your kink and little space would be exposed and it would put you in even more of a rut. See no one really knew of yours and Peas' relationship except one or two people. You keep it secret, it is deeply personal. You went through a lot of trauma, falling into little space is your way of dealing with stress and hard times, he could usually make it better pretty quick but this time he had no idea why you fell into little space so hard and so quick. I mean you had both been busy the past few days. Not seeing much of each other than in passing and at night when falling asleep, but you never hid anything from him, and you hadn’t mentioned anything bad at all, so the fact you slipped without him knowing or detecting it made him so upset with himself. He knew he shouldn’t have sent you into class, but you had a test you absolutely could not miss and he was hoping you’d be okay alone. He has learned that when in little space you cling to him like a bear. Turning to your little side is your safe space, but without Pea there would be none of that at all. He is like the base to your tower.

The class could not have ended faster for him, he needed to see you and make sure you were all right. He always waited for you by the lockers. He watched and waited but hadn’t found you. He walked to your classroom and saw the teacher yelling at you. He walked in, not caring about anything in the world, plus he didn’t have this teacher for math. But saw you crying eyes watering red and puffy.

“What the fuck is going on”

“None of your business son, you can’t just barge in my classroom like that”

“I can damn well barge in here when your yelling and up in a girls face for no goddamn reason sir, plus no one fucking talks to my girlfriend like that I don’t care if you’re her teacher or not. You can speak to her on monday” Pea dragged you out of the room, grabbing your hand in the process. Tears still streaming down your face he brought you to a corner in the rec room, thankfully no one was in there, because your friends are usually the only ones there and they were all in class except fangs, but he was with Kevin. All you did was cry as he sat you down, no words coming out of your mouth. He loved you so goddamn much and seeing you cry was always a struggle for him.

“Princess you gotta talk to me or I can’t fix it or at least try to make it better” You shook your head pouting up at him

“Baby c’mon please whyd id he yell at you”

“Said… said i was bad at math and, and then he...” you started balling again.

“He got bad at me cause I got done early and it was so bad, but he, he got mad also cause I got done early and drew on my paper. I don’t get it daddy you always say I can draw!”

“Baby you didn’t do anything wrong”

“He… he yelled yes I did daddy he got mad. Was my drawing not good daddy”

“Im sure it was perfect aby, but sometimes there are things we just can’t draw on”

“Wanted to color but no pages, thought I could make a pretty picture but…” You cried one again Fangs walking into the room Pea glancing back at him.

Fangs found out you had a little space when he had walked into the trailer one day completely beat up and you were coloring on the floor while pea ran to the store.

*Flashback*

“Pea I need… Y/N?” HE saw you sitting on the floor onesie on coloring away on a giant page.

“Hi Fangsy, come color, Fangsy color, pleaseeeeeee”

“Y/N I need you to patch me up”

“I, Uh… fangsy hurt?

“Yeah, can you get me ice and a bandage?”

“Mhm, '' you nodded walking over to the freezer, grabbing the ice before heading to the bathroom and bringing it all back over to fangs. You leaned down pacci hanging from your shirt.

Pea walked in then starting fangs down when he walked through the door.

“What the fuck Fangs!”

“Sorry bro im hurt, I just walked in I didn’t”

“Don't yell daddy! Fangsy hurts”

“Sorry baby girl, can you go into the bedroom and i'll be in, in a minuted”

“You nodded kissing him before walking off to the bedroom” That was the night Fangs learned about your little space. It only made sense he would find out. Him and Pea were always together, so that means you are always there too. SOmetimes you were good at suppressing it, and hiding it but other times it wasn’t so easy. Fangs didn’t necessarily get it at least not at first, neither did pea, but they both supported and were there for you entirely . Fangs was a good support system and closest to Pea, meaning when Pea couldn’t be there, he was.

*end flashback*

“Aww pretty lady why you crying” If pea couldn't calm you down, fangs would come in making you laugh and forget about it.

“Bruce didn’t like my picture”

“Well that means an old man is just an ass hat, I bet your picture was absolutely stunning. Just like its creator, a true artist”

“I not that good”

“Mhm you sure are, i think you should draw me a picture for my apartment, could you do that?”

“Mhm” you nodded your head smiling. Fangs got you distracted long enough to stop crying and calm down some.

“Baby girl yo okay now” you nodded your head slightly still clinging onto him “baby we gotta get to class…”

“Wanna go home”

“Baby we..”

“Want home Pea, need you… please, wanna forget” he knew exactly what it meant. Sometimes you wanted to color, have food made for you, a bath run with pea in it, and other times you wanted him and only him, not just cuddling you want more.

“Okay, let’s go...” He didn’t hesitate, he knew what you needed. In that moment he knew everything.

He tried letting you go to stand up but you didn’t want to. You clung onto him like a bear in the wild. You loved Pea, you needed Pea in more ways than you could even explain. Fangs grabbed the keys from his pocked and unlocked the truck as Pea placed you in.

“Thanks bro”

“She gonna be okay”

“Mhm she’ll be fine just needs some time today to decompress”

“Okay, I know you got her but call if you need anything, and i'll cover for you in class”

“Always bro, and thanks again”

You got to his trailer as he led you to the bedroom sitting you down slowly. He grabbed the silk ties from the bottom drawer slowly kissing along you wrists as he tied them together.

“Baby are you sure”

“Yes daddy want you”

“Okay Princess but you know your safe word right?”

“Mhm..”

“Can you tell me?”

“Avacadoooo” He chuckled to himself lightly remembering back ot the time that you created the safeword. You thought it was so funny because the first time you used it he wasn’t hurting you at all, but you were so overpleasured you couldn’t go on, out you screamed avacadooooo as both you and him simalteanosly ignished. Its one of his funnies and best memories of the two of you.

By now, the amount of times you had been together he could read you like a book. The emaming of every movement the change in tone of every breath sound, he knew ever bit and piece of you, and your life and you wouldn’t have it any other way”

“Good girl” he began tying your hands to the bedpost.

“Want you to fuck me hard daddy, wnat to hurt, want to forget” when you were so subby that you slipped into little space forhours you wouldn’t always know what you needed or wanted. Pea knew you didn’t need to be fucked you needed love.

“You ready baby”

“Yes daddy”

You felt his body press lightly onto your own, he began kissing you, heading up to your neck, probably one of your weakest spots.

“Daddy not fair, you have your clothes on”

“Wanna take them off princess” You pouted up at him, you couldn’t you were tied.

“Well guess they stay on” You began to whimper eyes filling slightly

“Hey hey princess no crying tonight okay, want you happy”

“Always happy with you daddy” He took of his clothes bringing his body to yours once again. His cock already hard. You atche dhim come up to you, his lips ghosting over your own. HIs tip tickled over your entrance as you whimpered for more. He began thrusting slow short at first, then deeper as he went. The quicker they got the more you moaned. His hand found its way up to your neck, a firm grip, your breath halting for a moment. The feeling arousing you to no end. You felt your orgasm building.

“You like that princess”

“Yes daddy” he untied your wrists with a pull, your arms making there way around his neck as he thrusted into you . Head in the crook of his neck you moaned out.

“Daddy I can’t”

“Gonna cum for me princess”

“Mhm, yes fuck daddy”

“Fuck.” He cried out. CUmming as you came, eyes rolling back into your head he watched you come undone. YOu let out a loud moan of his name, as you felt his hand tighten by accident a second wave of pleasure passed through the both of you. He kissed you on the lips as he laid down next to you, pulling you to his chest. Your breathing remained heavy, your orgasm being one of the stronger ones you've had with pea.

“I didn’t hurt you did I?” Worry overcame him. He never wanted to hurt you. He never wanted to be that guy. He always made sure to protect you, always made sure to make sure that you were okay.

“No you didn’t daddy” you smiled, your eyes fluttering shut as his lips pressed to your forehead.

“I’m gonna run your bath and get you water okay” being with someone for so long helped you realize what they needed after certain things. For you water was number one. A bath always comes second due to the ties and your skin. Luckli silk helped you not get hurt, but it still could leave marks especially with how hard you pull to get away.

He came back and moved the blanket off you watching his release drip out of you. He picked you up placing you in the warm water, before slipping in behind you. You whimpered as you felt him lean you back against him, your hands touching the water and the little marks stinging. It was not a pain you didn’t like. It was nothing that Pea did, everything he did was perfect, but it always made him upset.

“Baby i’m”

“No… don’t apologize, I needed it, thankyou” He leaned down kissing your shoulder blade. You both sat in the water till it became colder. Your eyes began to get heavy. He stepped out watching you shiver from the cold air, as his body heat was removed from your skin. He helped you stand up legs still weak from the session. He grabbed your lotion and helped you over to the bed to lay you down and apply it to you.

“Wanna sleep”

“No baby, not yet or at least lay down so I can cover you in your lotion okay” You laid down, as his hands casted their way over your skin you began to fall asleep, him talking as you closed your eyes. The blanket soon made its way over you, his body coming to touch your back, “I love you” You felt a kiss to your head before you fell into a sweet darkness. Waking up the next day you were better than you had been a while. You thanked him with morning kisses, getting dressed and ready for the day as you both went to Pops for breakfast. He was your rock, your night, the light in the darkness you felt, and he’d always be there.

#sweet pea #sweet pea smut #sweet pea x reader #riverdale smut #sweet pea x reader smut #riverdale #riverdale story #riverdale x reader #riverdale x #riverdale x y/n #riverdale x you #sweet pea x y/n #sweet pea x #aftercare #aftercare smut #riverdale bingo

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studywithdanielle · 4 years

Text

How to Study For: Uni Entrance Exams

14 JUL 2020

Hey guys! I’m currently studying for the TSA and I thought it would be helpful for me to consolidate my process so I can look back on it. Then I remembered that I have a studyblr (woop woop 🎉!) and that I can possibly help others by posting it on here.

NOTE: This is a strategy for exams consisting of multiple choice or short answer questions. If you’d like me to cover essay question prep, just let me know 🥰 !

Btw, I’m a conceptual learner that likes formulas so if this sounds like a rocket launch countdown, I deeply apologise ?.

What You’ll Need:

Internet - I mean, what don’t we use it for these days?

Practise papers

Practise questions

Phase 1 - Preparation

Step 1: Don’t panic

Okay you can panic a little, especially if you’ve left it late but not all hope is lost!

Yes, I know the ‘duh, duh, duh!!!’ didn’t help but panicking will only make you feel overwhelmed and will make the exam seem impossible. Here’s what you should do instead:

Step 2: Find out what the university actually wants

Why do they have an entrance exam anyway?

Especially in the UK, most universities don’t have an entrance exam so if they do, there’s a reason and you’re going to be Sherlock Holmes and find out why that is. Whilst it may seem like they’re trying to traumatise you, I don’t think they particularly enjoy marking a zillion papers 🤧.

What do they expect?

For most university courses, there are a grade requirements and knowing what those are is really helpful for setting your own expectations. If your course (likes mine) doesn’t require maths and there are maths problems on the exam, they won’t be at A-level, IB HL or AP standard.

What score should I be aiming for?

This links to the previous question but finding admissions stats for your subject will help you determine a mark that you’re aiming for. Many of these tests are not designed for really high marks so releasing that expectation early will save you a great deal of stress.

What skills are they testing?

For some entrance exams, the university will list out the skills they’re testing in their entrance exam. Practising these skills broadly will help you to develop them. For example, if they’re testing translation in a language entrance exam, reading in the target language and understanding it will be good practise because you’ll be able to convey ideas from another language if you understand them.

Step 3: Master your strategy

The worst thing that could happen in an exam is that you don’t know what to do or what to write. The best way to tackle that? Having a strategy. Sometimes just having something to do in an exam even if you don’t actually know what you’re doing gives your brain some time to stop freaking out and start problem-solving. To master your strategy, you need to:

Find out the question types

For example, the TSA is split into 2 sections (I have to do both 😭), one multiple-choice paper and one 30 minute essay. I know there are about 9-10 different types of questions targeting 2 skills: critical thinking and problem-solving. By doing this, I can work towards perfecting each question type and in theory will be able to do the whole of the first paper.

Figure out the timings

You can do this in minutes per mark or if there’s an advised amount of time you should spend on a particular type of question, take a note of this.

Figure out your process for each question type

Usually at the beginning of a book full of practise questions, there will be a description as to how best to approach each question. If there isn’t or you don’t have access to one, try looking up strategies on the wonder that is the Internet. If you’re still not sure, attempt questions with commentary answers so that id you get them wrong, you can create a strategy of your own using the tips you’ve gathered from there.

Practise, practise practice. Oh, and did I say practise?

When practising questions:

Make sure to practise a block of questions that are all the same type. This will allow you to learn how to identify the question type quicker and also gives you a sign to stop so you don’t spend all day working on these questions because you’re stressed 😪.

1. Attempt the question

2. Mark the question

3. If you got it wrong, try and figure out why yourself - write this in a different colour.

4. Check the markscheme or talk-through (if there is one) and add in anything you may have missed or anything that could be helpful for the next question in another colour. Now you’ve differentiated between what you could figure out and what you couldn’t.

5. Attempt the next question

*This may seem tedious because why would you not mark all the questions at the end? Doing it this way ensures you approach each question with a better idea of what to do and allows you to pick up on nuances that you may not have otherwise realised. Also, you don’t want to instil the “wrong” method or idea because of muscle-memory.*

6. Once you finish your block of questions, make note of something that went well, something that could’ve been better and what to do for next time. I’d advise you to keep this in a table so that you can see your progress over time. Make sure to look at this before you attempt this style of question again.

Okay so now we now how to practise a block of questions, do we do them to time or not.

I’d recommend doing them not to time at first.

This will allow you to focus on mastering your process and approach to each type of question. You should continue to do this (if you have enough time) until:

You’ve perfected your process/approach

You’ve ensured your strategy actually helps YOU get the right answer

Once you know the strategy works, you’ll feel more confident in the exam, especially because you know if you blank, you have something to fall back on.

I say ‘YOU’ because whilst a strategy straight out of a textbook may work fine for someone else, it may not be the best way for you. Don’t be afraid to tweak it to fit you or create a whole new strategy altogether!

Now, if your strategy works, move onto the next stage. If not, let’s troubleshoot your strategy.

Troubleshooting your process:

1. Find patterns: are there a particular nuances you’re always missing or mistakes you’re making?

For example, in the TSA being able to differentiate between premises and conclusions is really important. If I find that this is something I can’t do, I’ve discovered a pattern.

2. Practise on easier questions.

With the example above, I may look up arguments for GCSE RS or psychology students and try and identify premises and clauses.

3. Adjust your strategy as is necessary

You may realise that you should another step to your strategy, such as highlighting key words, after practising on easier questions

Right, so you have your strategy down - now what?

Practise to time.

It’s the timing that’s the stickler for many uni entrance exams and the best way to get that down is to practise doing the questions to time. I’d still recommend doing the questions in their question blocks at this stage or mixing up blocks that are similar in question type.

Step 4: Practice tests

Now you know what to do when you see all the types of questions, it’s time to apply what you’ve learnt to a real paper. This is where you see what has stuck and what hasn’t so it’s important to see this is a learning process - don’t expect to get 100% on your first try.

When completing a practice test:

1. Answer the entire test

Since you’ve got your processes down, it’s not necessary to mark each question individually since it’s so time-consuming.

2. Go through and mark the test

3. Try and work out where you went wrong, do this in a different colour.

4. Go through the mark scheme and add further corrections in a different colour.

5. Make a note of your mark, what went well, what could’ve been better (even better if ...) and what to do for next time in a tracker. Look at this before you next do a practice exam.

6. If you find you’re getting a particular type of question wrong every time, go back to those question blocks and master your strategy again.

As I said earlier, these tests are not designed for really high marks and so even after lots of practise, there’ll probably still be things that aren’t quite right. But if:

You’re getting the scores you want/need

You have your strategy for each question type down

Then congratulations - you are officially ready for the exam 🎉.

Whilst I wouldn’t advise all practise to stop, I do think that at this stage, running through loads more exam papers is a bit redundant. Maybe doing one every week or fortnight will suffice. Plus, if you started preparing early, you don’t want to go through alllll your practice papers before the exam actually comes around.

Phase 2 - Lead Up to the Exam

Congrats - you made it!

Honestly, I think if you’ve prepared properly then doing hardcore practise isn’t necessary and might burn you out in the lead up to the exam. If you take away anything from this really long post make it this:

Consistent practise always wins. Always.

If you’ve been consistently practising, there’s no need to cram too much last minute revision. I will say though that looking over your practice test tracker the night before the exam may be helpful as a last-minute reminder but, of course, if this is just going to stress you out further, don’t do it.

Last-Minute Tips

Don’t make this your whole life - It’s summer! There are so many more actually fun things you could be doing. Even practising a couple of times a week at first is absolutely fine.

Ask from advice from the experts - If there’s anything in particular that you’re worried about, ask someone who’s done or is practising for the test or email the university - they might be able to give you one of their students details so you can ask them directly.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for you ...

I hope this was helpful! Feel free to add your own tips and if you have any questions or feedback, just ask me or message me - my DMs are always open. Of course, you could just leave a note on here but if you want to be a little fancy, hit me up!

Alsoooo, let me know if you want me to a) do this for essay-based entrance exams and/or b) turn this into a mini-series and apply these steps to different tests like the TSA, LNAT, BMAT, UKCAT, STEP etc. Then all the resources will be in one place. Obviously, I’m not preparing for all of them (doctor who? definitely not me 🤧) but I have some friends doing some of these exams so I can get some extra exclusive tips from them.

Now, carrying on with QOTD:

QOTD: How do you get over exam nerves?

For me, acknowledging that I’m nervous before the exam and that it’s okay before I distract myself makes me feel much calmer. In an actual exam, I usually cover my ears and try and focus on what I’m reading to get out of my head 😅.

PS: This is my first informative post - please don’t judge 🙈! And if you’ve found it helpful, please reblog so that others can see these tips too ☺️.

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danielcooperrp · 3 years

Text

We Two Boys Together Clinging

Halfway through 19th Century American Poetry and Drew has a sensation with which he is all too familiar: eyes boring into the back of head. It doesn't matter how many times he's been gawked at in a restaurant or in the allergy aisle of CVS (hay fever is a bitch), the feeling of the little hairs on the back of his neck standing up never fails to make him want to slink into a hole and die. He tries to ignore it, tries to focus all of his attention on the professor, who is droning on about the difference between various editions of Leaves of Grass, but that only lasts so long. Eventually, he caves, and he turns to look.

He's not shocked when the dark eyes watching him quickly dart away—people are often abashed when they get caught staring—but it is a surprise when, a few moments later, they return to meet his. The face they belong to is handsome, warm, dark skin, a strong jaw, a slightly crooked nose that suggests some kind of trouble, and—oh. Two rows of perfect white teeth that he sees now because the face is grinning at him, an inviting, dangerous grin, and now Drew's the one looking away, his own cheeks glowing red. His eyes burn holes in his notebook—he hasn't written a word in so long, he'll have to research this edition issue on his own later—and the other guy's eyes burn holes in his skull.

Why is he looking at him like that? Drew hasn't said a thing all class, not that any of them would be able to get a word in edgewise. His eyes dart down to check his outfit; a little schnerdy, sure, but nothing that stands out in a Harvard classroom. He risks it again; a quick look back, and that smile is still waiting for him, this time a little softer, like he's happy he keeps getting caught.

By the time class ends, Drew is a sweaty mess. He has no idea what the professor said for the last half of that lecture, but he's not going to stick around to ask. He tosses his notebook and his copy of Whitman into his satchel and slides into the mass exodus from the room. He lets himself be carried toward the building exit by the river of hungry undergrads, hoping that he avoids whatever situation was brewing behind him in class, but the river comes to a screeching halt when everyone notices that it's pouring buckets outside. Those smart enough to plan ahead whip out their umbrellas and leave, and some who don't have any other choice lower their heads and shoulders as though preparing to take a charging bull head on and foray bravely into the downpour.

Drew doesn't have another class for forty-five minutes, and even though he was planning on getting lunch in the interim, he really doesn't want to get this sweater wet, so he decides to duck into an alcove and wait it out. He pulls out his phone, Googles the information he thinks he missed in class, and is halfway through an Encyclopedia Britannica article when someone clears their throat. He looks up and blinks owlishly. It's the teeth.

"Hi," the teeth say. "I'm Xander."

Drew stares. He doesn't know what to do with this information. During the rare instances someone deigns to talk to him, an introduction like "I'm Xander" is almost always followed by a request like "Can I get an picture?" or "Do you know where the bathroom is?", depending on if he's been recognized or not. But this...this is just warm brown eyes and a big shiny smile that he doesn't know what to with.

"Drew Cooper," he eventually blurts out, remembering that he is in fact a human person with a name. "Um. Hi."

Xander leans casually against the wall adjacent to Drew, the fabric of his shirt pulling tight over the bulk of his arms as he crosses them over his very muscular chest. "You know, I really liked what you had to say last week about the em dashes in Emily Dickinson's poems. How they're meant to give you space to breath but really end up making you feel breathless. Professor didn't know what do with that, but...I liked it."

What is happening what is happening what is hap— Drew swallows thickly. "Oh. Thanks. I, uh, visited the house in Amherst a lot growing up. School field trips, family weekends...I'm...familiar with her work."

Xander nods toward the corner of Leaves of Grass sticking out of Drew's satchel. "What about Whitman? He a favorite too?"

Drew shrugs. "Sure. Mostly 'Song of Myself' and 'Drum-Taps,' but generally...yeah, his language is...unparalleled." Drew pauses, unsure, and then continues. "Reading Whitman always reminds me that I need to look around more. That everything is beautiful if I let it be."

The smile grows bigger. "I really like the way you talk about poetry, Drew Cooper." Xander reaches into the JanSport he's got slung over one shoulder and pulls out an umbrella. "Want to talk about it over lunch?"

—————

It’s not until their third post-poetry class lunch that Drew finds out something interesting about his new friend. “Wait...you’re on the football team?”

Xander laughs, a loud, warm sound that makes Drew feel like he’s part of the joke instead of the butt of it. “Yeah, yeah, I’m on the football team.” Drew makes a face. “What?”

“Well...don’t take this the wrong way, but...” Drew swirls his spoon in his cup of clam chowder. “...is Harvard’s team any good?”

This earns a longer, louder laugh from Xander, who takes a bite of his grilled chicken when he’s done. “In the grand scheme of things? No. We go up against Auburn or Clemson and we’re getting our asses kicked, no questions asked. But against the teams we actually play? We’re not half-bad.”

“So what position do you play?”

“Tight end.”

“Oh, I know that one. That’s...an important one.”

Xander suppresses the laugh this time. “It’s okay, Cooper. You don’t have to pretend to like football.”

Drew scrunches his nose. “I’m sorry. I come from a sports family. My dad and my older sister, in particular, they’ll talk for hours about football or baseball or hockey...it all goes over my head.”

With a shrug, Xander says, “Well, you’ve got enough good stuff going on in that head. No need to waste brain space on stuff that doesn’t matter.”

Drew feels himself starting to flush, so he quickly tries to shift the focus. “Well what about you? If football doesn’t matter, why risk CTE for it?”

“Scholarships, Cooper! You think Harvard pays for itself? I got in on test scores, but test scores don’t get you out of loans. Football does.”

And doesn’t that make Drew feel so silly. He knows how unbelievably lucky he is, that he had every semester of higher education he could ever want at whatever university would take him paid for before he was even born. If he had the mind to, he could keep taking classes at Harvard or Yale or Oxford until he died and he’d never have to think about the cost. Xander actually has to work for his education, and Drew feels like a little kid in comparison.

—————

They’ve been in a little back corner of Lamont Library for a few hours now, bent over their respective texts as they work on assignments for different classes. Drew’s nose-deep in an anthology of Helen Hunt Jackson, while Xander’s scribbling away at equations for one of his insanely complicated math classes. They work in comfortable silence, and every once in a while Drew wonder how strange it is, the easy way they spend their days together.

At one point, Xander throws down his pencil in disgust. “That’s it. Cooper, I’m dropping out.”

Drew makes a face. “You’re not dropping out, Xander.”

“I am. No economics degree is worth this.” He gestures vaguely to his chicken-scratch math homework.

“I mean, you’re not going to hear an argument from me, the guy studying History and Literature.” Drew peeks at the equations. “Would it help if you explained it to me?”

Xander furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean...my sisters always head more of a head for the STEM subjects, while I’ve always been better at...” He waves a hand over his poetry book. “...softer stuff. But when I was a kid, my dad, who’s, like, an insane science nerd to the max, would tell me to pretend that I was the science teacher and I had to teach him the homework. It really helped. Explaining out loud, going over each problem piece by piece, helped me understand it better.” He flushes. “It’s just a thought, though. You don’t have to...”

“On one condition.” Xander smirks. “You have to tell me all of your thoughts on Thoreau afterward.”

Drew can’t fight his grin. “Deal.”

—————

Drew’s schedule is light on Tuesdays, so he’s back in the apartment he shares with Aidan, about halfway between Harvard and MIT’s campuses. She’s here, too, ditching a class she claims is “beneath the mathematical sensibilities of a first-grader.” She and some friend Drew is sure he should know the name of are on their little balcony, sipping wine coolers and people-watching while Drew reads for his early Wednesday class. Mostly, really, he’s listening to them gossip.

“See her?”

“Blond ponytail?”

“No, by the crosswalk, with the dog. Don’t tell her you have a fake ID, she’ll narc on you in a heartbeat.”

“Get out!”

“Dead serious. Freshman down the hall got busted because of her.”

“What a bitch. Over there, those two: dating or siblings?”

“They’re practically identical, so I’m hoping siblings....Oh god, please let me be wrong...”

“Who’s that?”

“Where?”

“Coming down the sidewalk here.”

“He’s hot, whoever he is.”

“I’ll say.”

“Wait...why does he look familiar....”

“Wasn’t he at that party two weekends ago? The one on Banks Street?”

“Oh my god, that’s it, he’s on the Harvard football team!”

Drew’s head snaps up.

“Tell you what, he could score a touchdown any day. Look at those arms...Drew?”

Drew scrambles off of the couch and flings himself onto the balcony. Aidan gives him a wild look. “What the hell?”

Peering over the edge, Drew spies Xander just as he gets to the front door of their building. He doesn’t need to use the buzzer, because someone’s coming out. “Oh.”

“Drew?”

Ignoring his sister, Drew rushes back to the couch, where he grabs all of his books and notebooks and tosses them into his backpack. Then he races into his bedroom to grab shoes. “I, uh, have to go! Study thing!”

Aidan looks down to the street and back to her panicked twin. “Drew...are you friends with a football player?”

“No!” Drew squeaks. “Yes! I mean, yes, we are friends. We have a class together. I have to go!”

Aidan squints in suspicion as Drew charges out the door. When it slams shut behind him, her friend says, “Does he know his sweater is on backward?”

Aidan shrugs. “Not my business.”

—————

“Why do you hang out with me?”

It’s a hazy October afternoon, and Drew and Xander are hanging out in Flagstaff Park, studying. People call out to Xander as they walk by, and Xander gives them a friendly wave or a “Hey man!” but makes no move to get up and socialize. Drew knows he’s quiet, not the best conversationalist in the world, so he wonders.

“What do you mean?” Xander looks at him like he always does, like Drew is about to say something absolutely revelatory.

“I mean...shouldn’t you be hanging out with the rest of the football team? Is that what you’re supposed to do?”

Xander seems amused. “Is that what you want me to do?”

“No,” Drew answers too quickly. “I just...I don’t know. I’ve never had someone spend so much time with me who wasn’t a blood relative, that’s all. And it seems like you have a lot of friends so...I don’t know...forget it...” Embarrassed, he turns back to his history textbook.

A wide hand, fingers splayed, plops down over the pages, and Drew looks up to see Xander rolling his eyes. “I hang out with you so much, Cooper, because I like spending time with you, and also, I’m hoping that if I earn enough goodwill you’ll let me take you out to dinner at some point.”

Drew freezes. “I—what?”

“I mean, if you’re not into me, that’s fine. I’m a big boy, I can handle it. But the thing is, I think you are into me, which is great, because I’m into you too, but I don’t mind biding my time until you’re ready.”

Every single neuron in Drew’s brain is misfiring. “You’re—into me?”

“Man got himself into Harvard just to outshine the professors and he still can’t read what’s right in front of him.” Xander sighs. “Yes, Cooper, I am into you, and would like to start seeing you socially in a romantic capacity.”

“But...you’re on the football team!”

“I—what?” Drew just gapes at him. “Cooper...” Xander starts to laugh, slow at first, and then harder.

“Wait, why are you laughing at me?”

“It’s just...really refreshing to talk to someone as woefully out of touch as you are.”

“Hey!”

“Cooper, I dated a guy on the swim team for like two months last year. My being gay is...not news. To anyone.”

“Apparently not my sister,” Drew grumbles.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Drew shakes his head. Nothing is making sense. “Do you know...who I am?”

“...We’ve met, yeah.”

“No, I mean...my family.”

“Oh.” Xander shrugs. “Yeah. Did some light Googling. I mean, c’mon, a white boy as quiet and smart as you? I had to be sure you weren’t secretly a neo-Nazi or some shit.”

“I’m Jewish,” Drew mumbles, “but that’s not the point. You know...who I’m related to.”

“Yeah. Am I supposed to care?” Xander reaches out and takes Drew’s hand, interlaces their fingers together. Drew’s heart is pounding so hard in his ears he can barely hear Xander speak. “Cooper, I am an economics major. I don’t want to date you because your grandpa was a billionaire. I want to date you in spite of the fact that your grandpa was a billionaire.”

Drew chokes out a laugh. “Fair enough.”

“I mean, you’re cute and all, but don’t think I won’t eat you for sustenance when the class war starts.”

His laugh is louder this time. “Stop.”

“So what do you say?” A squeeze of the fingers, and a squeeze to his heart. “Drew Cooper, will you go on a date with me?”

Drew chews on his lip, and then he nods. “Yeah. Yeah I will.”

Then Xander grins his perfect white grin, and Drew knows he’s a goner.

#drabble #v1 #drew #xander #thenamesallison #i................spent hours on this #i did nothing today #where did this even come from wtf

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killfaeh · 3 years

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Péguy

Hi everybody! In this news feed I've told you a few times about a project I named Péguy. Well today I dedicate a complete article to it to present it to you in more detail but also to show you the new features I brought to it at the beginning of the winter. It's not the priority project (right now it's TGCM Comics) but I needed a little break during the holidays and coding vector graphics and 3D, it's a little bit addictive like playing Lego. x) Let's go then!

Péguy, what is it?

It is a procedural generator of patterns, graphic effects and other scenery elements to speed up the realization of my drawings for my comics. Basically, I enter a few parameters, click on a button, and my program generates a more or less regular pattern on its own. The first lines of code were written in 2018 and since then, this tool has been constantly being enriched and helping me to work faster on my comics. :D This project is coded with web languages and generates vector patterns in the format SVG. In the beginning it was just small scripts that had to be modified directly to change the parameters and run individually for each effect or pattern generated.

Not very user friendly, is it? :’D

This first version was used on episode 2 of Dragon Cat's Galaxia 1/2. During 2019 I thought it would be more practical to gather all these scripts and integrate them into a graphical user interface. Since then, I have enriched it with new features and improved its ergonomics to save more and more time. Here is a small sample of what can be produced with Péguy currently.

Graphic effects typical of manga and paving patterns in perspective or plated on a cylinder. All these features were used on Tarkhan and Gonakin. I plan to put this project online, but in order for it to be usable by others than me, I still need to fix a few ergonomy issues. For the moment, to recover the rendering, you still need to open the browser debugger to find and copy the HTML node that contains the SVG. In other words, if you don't know the HTML structure by heart, it's not practical. 8D

A 3D module!

The 2020 new feature is that I started to develop a 3D module. The idea, in the long run, is to be able to build my comics backgrounds, at least the architectural ones, a bit like a Lego game. The interface is really still under development, a lot of things are missing, but basically it's going to look like this.

So there's no shortage of 3D modeling software, so why am I making one? What will make my project stand out from what already exists? First, navigation around the 3D workspace. In short, the movement of the camera. Well please excuse me, but in Blender, Maya, Sketchup and so on, to be able to frame according to your needs to get a rendering, it's just a pain in the ass! So I developed a more practical camera navigation system depending on whether you're modeling an object or placing it in a map. The idea is to take inspiration from the map editors in some video games (like Age of Empire). Secondly, I'm going to propose a small innovation. When you model an object in Blender or something else, it will always be frozen and if you use it several times in an environment, it will be strictly identical, which can be annoying for natural elements like trees for example. So I'm going to develop a kind of little "language" that will allow you to make an object customizable and incorporate random components. Thus, with a single definition for an object, we can obtain an infinite number of different instances, with random components for natural elements and variables such as the number of floors for a building. I had already developed a prototype of this system many years ago in Java. I'm going to retrieve it and adapt it to Javascript. And the last peculiarity will be in the proposed renderings. As this is about making comics (especially in black and white in my case), I'm developing a whole bunch of shaders to generate lines, screentones and other hatchings automatically with the possibility to use patterns generated in the existing vector module as textures! :D

What are shaders?

Well, you see the principle of post-production in cinema... (Editing, sound effects, various corrections, special effects... all the finishing work after shooting). Well, shaders are about the same principle. They are programs executed just after the calculation of the 3D object as it should appear on the screen. They allow to apply patches, deformations, effects, filters... As long as you are not angry with mathematics, there is only limit to your imagination! :D When you enter a normal vector in a color variable it gives funny results.

Yes! It's really with math that you can display all these things. :D Now when you hear a smart guy tell you that math is cold, it's the opposite of art or incompatible with art... it's dry toast, you'll know it's ignorance. :p Math is a tool just like the brush, it's all about knowing how to use it. :D In truth, science is a representation of reality in the same way as a painting. It is photorealistic in the extreme, but it is nevertheless a human construction used to describe nature. It remains an approximation of reality that continually escapes us and we try to fill in the margins of error over the centuries... Just like classical painting did. But by the way? Aren't there a bunch of great painters who were also scholars, mathematicians? Yes, there are! Look hard! The Renaissance is a good breeding ground. x) In short! Physics is a painting and mathematics is its brush. But in painting, we don't only do figurative, not only realism, we can give free rein to our inspiration to stylize our representation of the world or make it abstract. Well like any good brush, mathematics allows the same fantasy! All it takes is a little imagination for that. Hold, for example, the good old Spirograph from our childhood. We all had one! Well, these pretty patterns drawn with the bic are nothing else than... parametric equations that make the students of math sup/math spe suffer. 8D Even the famous celtic triskelion can be calculated from parametric equations. Well, I digress, I digress, but let's get back to our shaders. Since you can do whatever you want with it, I worked on typical manga effects. By combining the Dot Pattern Generator and the Hatch Generator but display them in white, I was able to simulate a scratch effect on screentones.

In the traditional way it is an effect that is obtained by scraping the screentones with a cutter or similar tool.

Péguy will therefore be able to calculate this effect alone on a 3D scene. :D I extended this effect with a pattern calculated in SVG. So it will be possible to use the patterns created in the vector module as textures for the 3D module! Here it is a pattern of dots distributed according to a Fibonacci spiral (I used a similar pattern in Tarkhan to make stone textures, very commonly used in manga).

Bump mapping

So this is where things get really interesting. We stay in the shaders but we're going to give an extra dimension to our rendering. Basically, bump mapping consists in creating a bas-relief effect from a high map. And it gives this kind of result.

The defined object is always a simple cylinder (with 2 radii). It is the shaders that apply the pixel shift and recalculate the lighting thanks to the high map that looks like this.

This texture has also been calculated automatically in SVG. Thus we can dynamically set the number of bricks. Well, this bas-relief story is very nice, but here we have a relatively realistic lighting, and we would like it to look like a drawing. So by applying a threshold to have an area lit in white, a second threshold to have shadow areas in black, by applying the screentone pattern to the rest and by adding the hatching that simulates the scraped screentone, here is the result!

It's like a manga from the 80's! :D I tested this rendering with other screentone patterns: Fibonnacci spiral dots, parallel lines or lines that follow the shape of the object.

Now we know what Péguy can do. I think I can enrich this rendering a bit more with the shaders but the next time I work on this project the biggest part of the job will be to create what we call primitives, basic geometric objects. After that I can start assembling them. The concept of drawing while coding is so much fun that I'm starting to think about trying to make complete illustrations like this or making the backgrounds for some comic book projects only with Péguy just for the artistic process. Finding tricks to generate organic objects, especially plants should be fun too. That's all for today. Next time we'll talk about drawing! Have a nice week-end and see you soon! :D Suisei

P.S. If you want miss no news and if you haven't already done so, you can subscribe to the newsletter here : https://www.suiseipark.com/User/SubscribeNewsletter/language/english/

Source : https://www.suiseipark.com/News/Entry/id/302/

#manga #software #screentones #halftones

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swiftythewriter · 4 years

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i have no one to talk to. i have no one. so, i am just here, venting and hoping that saying it outloud getting my thoughts in order will make it better.

my best friend wont talk to me, it’s been weeks and longer since she has reliably answered my messages. the two friends i’v managed to make in my conversion class aren’t talking to me either. just, stopped answering their phones all of a sudden. i don’t now what id did. i don’t know. did i do anything? and my grandma has just dismissed me as a lost cause since i was arguing with her, since i just wanted her to understand my perspective rather than jut go along with her decisions like always.

i have been trying so hard. not to give up. not to give up on me, on living. trying to live and get better. do the work. but how can i if everyne else has already given up. do they...do they just see me as a lost cause? am i? i’m trying, i swear i am, but am i?

what did i do? what should i do? how can i possibly fix any of it

i’ve been lying for a very long time saying that i have my life, my future under control, as if my dreams and ambitions i could will into existence. but i don’t. i don’t. gd i don’t. im nineteen going on twenty going on the rest of my life and i don’t have a diploma or a GED. i need to fix that, i want to fix that. but it’s so hard.

thing is, i stopped studying near completly around 6th grade. i was homeschooled. no one noticed for a very long time. and i have reasons for that, excuses. i never really expected to live past eighteen. never expected to have to deal with it. but i’m here now. trying to get everything back on track an i feel like i’m drowning under the weight of everything i do not know.

i took a test today for something called dyscalcuia. not an offical one, just an online thing but my score was still in the top percentials. and it makes sense. it makes a lot of sense. i was relieved. if it’s true, it means i’m not lazy or stupid and that my adversion and extreme anxiety whenever the subject comes up has a cause and a reason rather being a personality flaw. it goes hand and hand with dyslexia, too, which I have, and adhd, which i think i have.

but, um, mimi didn’t react that way when i told her. she thinks this is just another thing i found to put a road block to my actual studying. she’s like that, you know? when i say my depression or anxiety makes X task difficult or affects the way i approach it, she dees it as me saying i refuse to do X because i only think i’m can’t, that i’m frozen. so, she took that as another excuse in order not to do math.

and, uh, maybe it is? maybe i want a way out. because it hurts, sometimes. it just, doesn’t make sense. there’s logic, maybe, but it’s not the right kind of logic. there’s no feeing behind it, it’s not a person’s mind, it might as well be a machine. every other subject i am able to grasp some level of comprehension, of appication, but not this. it’s just cold.

mimi says it’s just memorization, that i just don’t want to do it, that i am the kind of person that jus gets too caught up on the abstract, on the why’s of everything that this causes me trouble because it would take forever for me to go through each problem and trace it back to it’s roots and history and i just have to focus on the memorization and i try but it’s so hard.

i remember being a kid and thinking that everytime math started to make some kind of sense i got the rug pulled out from under me and i’m still thinking that. i’m still here, staring at the numbers that don’t make sense, i’m still here and i’m falling.

i need to fix my life. i need to get a GED. to get a GED i need to do math, because that’s the part everone fails on, they say. mimi says not to focus on the other subjects even though i’m drowning under the weight of everything i don’t know. mimi says to focus only on the math, to focus on the exact problems they’re going to have on there. don’t go back to the basics even though i am drowning under the weight of everything i do not know, we don’t have time. you’ve wasted so much time. we’re running out of time. and i try, i try but i need.

youtube videos, unconnected, different instructor, the same lesson over and over in different words then skip ahead, no too far i don’t understand, go back we’ve done all this my brain slowing to a crawl. i scream i need structure, that i can’t keep going like this but it gets lost in the place between my throat and my teath, comes out in frustrated tears and mimi saying “i give up, it’s your life, do whatever you want.” only help i have gone, gone, gone an how can i fix it? don’t give me the world, it’s my world but don’t give me it, my hands aren’t steady enough i can’t keep it from breaking.

i need a GED. i need to go to college. i want to go to collage. i want to major in psycology, go to med school, become a psychiatrist. spend my live helping people because writing isn’t an option as a career and if i can’t spend my life doing what i love at the very least i want to spend it doing something i value. i’ve turned this over and over in my mind until the dream has become a sort of truth, but my hands are empty, i am alone and i don’t know how to fix it.

i always thought that, with the depression that hit that time of my life that staying in public school probably would’ve killed me with all the academic and social pressures. it’s one of the reason why i refused to attend the last year of highschool when i had a chance, even though i deeply regret that choice.

but i’m now wondering if the lack of structure in my life was part of my depression being so strong. i had no routine other than the one i created, no socialization, no reason to study because i lacked any reward systems for when i did get anything right and no oversight when i got it wrong. after age 11 didn’t even have a babysitter and i could just, do what i wanted becaue mimi was always at work and and i don’t think it was very healthy for me and that it left me with a lot a negative habbits to this day.

so, right now i’m guzzling a caffinated drink and waiting for my hands to stop shaking because i read somewhere that caffine helps adhd and even though it makes my anxiety and the symptions of my illness worse i despretly need the focus. and i’m hoping that hashem will help me in this, because i honestly don’t know the way out of it

#personal #vent #mental health

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that-buckley-gal · 4 years

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Gifts and Small Talk [Stronger #3]

May 9, 2011

The next morning, this “Fury” character didn’t arrive until after I’d finished my breakfast – scrambled eggs, 2 strips of bacon, and 2 pancakes along with some coffee.

We started off with introductions before he invited me to tell my story in depth since I was brief when explaining my absence to Peggy just yesterday. So I told him what happened the day in Howard’s lab, and how I woke up in Asgard and was saved by Frigga and her sons. When he didn’t prod for information, I asked if I needed to but was surprised when he instead told me about Thor’s time spent here in exile.

After that I told him about how when Thor returned and destroyed the rainbow bridge, how I was simply standing on the wrong side when it broke. I told him Loki was coming through the black hole as well though there hasn’t been any sign of him, which worried and relieved Fury. When I asked why the relief, he explained how Loki sent The Destroyer to take out Thor, which surprised me. When did Loki have time to come here without my knowing?

“So what do I do now?” I asked. “I don’t have a home. I don’t have a family. I don’t have…anything.”

“You have your powers, don’t you?” He asked.

I didn’t tell him about them. I didn’t even go into detail about them when speaking to Peggy yesterday, as she already knew about my powers. All I said was I became a shield-maiden for Asgard.

“Yours and Captain America’s files were seized and reviewed by the SSR after Howard alerted them to your disappearance. They also found some of your letters; one in particular was very telling. The one from your father?”

“Those were personal,” I said.

Fury shrugged. “I didn’t go through them. I only read your file while you were on your way here.”

“So what?” I asked. “I use my powers for the good of mankind? I don’t even know what the world is like.”

“It may disappoint you. A lot has changed since 1945.”

I nodded, chewing my lip. “Well, I don’t have anything to lose. There’s only a few people in the universe that I love, and only one of them is here on Earth.”

“Welcome to SHIELD then, Agent Barnes.”

On a private jet to Washington D.C., I properly registered as a field agent for SHIELD. I was given a new ID. Clint Barton, Hawkeye, and Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow, were assigned to train me in and test my abilities seeing as they were two of the greatest SHIELD agents they had.

I was slightly doubtful of that though as Clint kept asking me questions about “space” and what my life was like in the 1940’s. Natasha put an end to the questions by giving me a laptop and told me to start getting caught up with the present before retreating back to her corner, quietly keeping an eye on me.

She didn’t trust me, but I didn’t trust her either. Not yet.

Once the plane landed, I was escorted into a truck that Clint identified as an SUV before he drove us to SHIELD’s headquarters: the Triskelion. It was dark outside so I couldn’t really see anything but streetlamps and city lights.

“The world’s definitely brighter,” I said to no one in particular. “At night.”

“I hope you’re not expecting to sleep anytime soon,” Natasha said. “We got some tests for you.”

“Tests?” I asked. “What kind of tests?”

“Just physical tests and intelligence tests. We wanna know what you’re good at and what we need to teach you to be a certified agent of SHIELD,” Clint explained.

“Okay,” I said though I was nervous. The Asgardian palace had an impressive library; Loki and I spent a lot of time in there, though I doubted knowledge on foreign space creatures and the customs of other planets would be helpful for SHIELD. “I haven’t been to high school since I was 16,” I confessed. “Oh, my god! I’m 86 years old!”

“Hey, calm down,” Natasha said. “The tests have nothing to do with…education. They’re more focused on testing your common knowledge, common sense and your survival skills. The education part is basic math and reading that I’m sure you can remember.”

“Okay, yeah. That makes sense.”

“Besides, it’s not like they really count.”

“Clint!”

“What? It’s true. They’re more of a formality; the reading’s probably more weighted since you’ll need to fill out mission logs and reports when they’re finished regardless of the outcome.”

That sounded difficult. Was it too late to change my mind? Can I just be a citizen as I was during the war?

“So, Agent Barnes,” Natasha started. Her green eyes met my blue ones in the rearview mirror. “What kind of abilities do you have?”

“And how’d you get them?” Clint asked.

I sighed. “I got my powers around my twentieth birthday. My dad left a letter for me explaining what he was and where he was from, and what I should be expecting. Apparently they were called Oer’s Gifts where he was from and they develop when the people reach 20 years of age.”

“Oer’s Gifts?”

“Yeah. My dad was from this planet called Oerlin. Thor told me about it after I told him and his buddies about my powers. He said it was a lot like Midgard…like Earth, sorry. I guess once you’re gifted, that’s it. You and your children, and children’s children and so one would have the Gifts as well. Like, it becomes part of your bloodline.”

“Does everyone get the same gifts?” Natasha asked.

I thought about Stefan and how our powers were alike and different. “No. I mean, kind of. I don’t know really. Stefan and I both have enhanced strength, speed, senses, reflexes and endurance, but that’s about it. We share some other powers but they’re not exactly the same, if that makes sense.”

“Who’s Stefan?” Clint asked.

“My son,” I said. “He was born here, five days after I turned 21.”

“Is he the friend you were referring too earlier? The one who was coming towards the black hole?”

“No, I was talking about Loki. Thor kept Stefan anchored to the bridge, and I know that he’ll keep him safe.”

“I can use my hands as flashlights, as dumb as that sounds. But I’m also kinda fireproof, and can be a good heater in the cold,” I said after a tense silence. “I can heal people. Um, I can turn myself into the things I touch, like my shield for example. I scared Thor one time by pretending to be a vibranium statue,” I chuckled remembering how much Thor laughed after discovering my new power.

“Um, I don’t know if you saw my little ball of electric energy yesterday but I can do that too. Didn’t realize that one until we got an unexpected visitor one day; his ship was electric and I disabled it without thinking about it. I only agreed to fix it if he left Asgard alone.”

There were a couple of more Gifts that I supposed I should disclose but I felt like I’d done enough talking for the moment. Talking to animals was one thing, but teleporting was another. I wanted to make sure SHIELD was as these people kept telling me it was before telling them about those ones. Also, the time control thing was still something that I didn’t have much control over and I didn’t want to set myself up for failure before I even started. So I kept these to myself while Clint and Natasha processed the information I gave them.

Not long after that, Clint announced our arrival at the Triskelion. He pulled me in one direction to do some paperwork while Natasha walked off in another direction.

“Where’s she going?” I asked.

“Going to go clear out a training room for when we finish,” he shrugged before motioning me to take a seat before laying out some papers. “Just fill these out to the best of your ability.” I did.

After I finished my hand was cramped and there were some ink stains from the pen, but Clint didn’t seem to care or mind as he packed up my papers in a large envelope before leading me to another room.

Natasha had me change out of my civilian clothes and into some workout clothes before guiding me to stand in the center of the room. She advised me to not think too much of her and Clint as my audience before alerting me that I was going into a simulator and to do whatever it took to survive, and to not worry about repercussions.

When I gave her a worried look, she said, “You didn’t bring up the fact you were fireproof for no reason, did you?” My reason was that besides flashlights, my hands could also make fire.

“Okay,” I said simply and Natasha nodded before walking off. I turned away from her and shook my hands out and did a few stretches. After a few minutes, Natasha’s voice came over a loudspeaker as she asked me if I was ready for the simulation to begin.

“I am.”

#stronger #the avengers #natasha romanoff #clint barton #nick fury

1 note · View note

xbaepsae · 5 years

Text

private tutor | part one

“You fall to your knees, hands clasped together, ‘Please, Namjoon; I’m willing to do anything.’ The last word causes him to look away from his book and down at you, taking in your rather pathetic self. A smirk stretches across his lips, ‘Anything?’”

[tutor!namjoon x reader]

genre: college!au, humor

word count: 3.8k

a/n: sooo, another reupload! originally, i only posted 2/3 parts because i never got around to finishing the final part aksjkajksd. but i’m working on that lol. in the meantime, i edited this part and part two will be up soon. enjoy! xoxo

part one / part two / part three

Well, this is awkward.

You had always considered yourself to be a rather good student. You made decently good grades in all of your classes and tried to attend them on a daily basis, but what you had not anticipated was this: a failing grade in chemistry. A big, fat red F marked the top of your grade report, and you had to do a double take to make sure you were seeing things right.

Not once in your life have you ever made anything below a C. This had to be the devil’s work, you were sure of it. Was it even possible to make an F? You put in effort into this class—it wasn’t like you weren’t trying.

“Y/n, you’re failing my class.”

Looking up at your professor, you can only manage a sheepish smile. “I can see that…”

“Care to explain?”

Biting your lip, you don’t really know what to say. Well, what could you really say? You thought that you were doing well in the class, but apparently you were assuming wrong. “I don’t really know.”

Your professor sighs, “Is it the concepts we’re learning in class? Are you not understanding them?”

“No, no,” you shake your head, “I understand the basics, but I guess when you ask us to apply everything together…I’m not really seeing the big picture.”

If you were to be honest with yourself, you absolutely hated chemistry. The basics—like the elements on the periodic table and electrons—were easy enough; but once different concepts got combined, your brain became a jumbled mess. A lot of math was involved and you hated that too. You really didn’t know why you had to take this class anyway because you for sure did not want to pursue a degree or future job in this field.

“The end of the grading period is coming up,” your professor says. “It’s going to be quite difficult to bring up that grade.”

You look at her desperately, “There has to be something. Please help me!”

There was no way you were going to have an F on your transcripts. It was only your first year of college and getting a failing grade definitely would not be a great way to start. Even though you don’t like this class, you don’t want it to ruin the rest of your college career.

“I would love to help you, but I can’t with finals coming up.” You frown at her words, feeling dejected.

“Do you have tutors?” you ask.

She nods, “Yes, but I’m sure that they’re all booked for the rest of the semester already.”

This cannot be happening right now. “Please professor; I can’t fail your class.”

It’s embarrassing how desperate you are right now. You’re practically begging the woman for something that was completely your fault. You can’t help but think back to every mistake you made on the tests and wonder why you didn’t study harder. For a second, you also contemplate the pros and cons of dropping out. It wouldn’t be that bad, right?

“Well, there might be something,” she says and suddenly all thoughts of dropping out fade away. You look at her almost too eagerly and ask what that certain something is. “I have this student who isn’t a tutor of mine, per se, but he did ace my class.”

Your optimism dims a little, “He isn’t a chem tutor?”

“No, he’s actually a philosophy major,” your professor says and you start thinking about dropping out again, “but he is very intelligent and does well in all subjects, y/n. I’m nearly positive he will offer to help you before this final.”

Great. Your only hope was someone who wasn’t even a chemistry major. “Who is he?”

Your professors smiles before telling you his name.

***

Kim Namjoon. You practice saying his name a few times out loud.

According to your chemistry professor, he is a third-year student, set to graduate a semester early or something, and a philosophy major. He had apparently made a perfect A+ in her class and was some kind of genius. However, that was the extent of the knowledge you possessed about him. In your short few months here, you have never run into anyone named Kim Namjoon—you didn’t even know what he looks like.

Your professor just told you who he was and where you might find him, which could literally be anywhere on campus. And, in all honesty, you felt kind of hopeless. Finals were less than a month away and you still don’t know how you're going to pass. As you left your professor’s office and walk back to your dorm room, you feel more confused than ever.

Where are you supposed to find Namjoon?

“How’d your meeting go?” your roommate, Ara, asks.

You shut the door behind you, “Horrible.”

“It can’t be that bad,” she smiles. “What, are you failing or something?”

When you fall onto your bed and turn to give her a look, she curses and you can’t help but agree. “I’m completely done for.”

“And it’s only the first semester—if you’re struggling now, imagine how it’ll be the next three years…”

You groan into your pillows, “Imdroppingout.”

Ara sighs, “You’re being too hard on yourself. All you need is a C to pass. You know what they say—C’s gets degrees.”

“Howaisuppdtogtac?” you ask, but Ara can’t understand a word you say so you raise your head and repeat: how am I supposed to get a C?

“Did you ask for extra credit or help?”

You sit up and lean your back against the wall. “No one fucking gives extra credit anymore; this is college, not grade school where you can bring your teacher an apple and get five points added to your test.”

“Truth,” your roommate nods, “these college professors are savage.”

“But I did ask for help,” you say. ��She’s apparently too busy to help me though.”

Ara sighs and gives you a look of sympathy. “Worst case scenario will be that you have to retake chem...”

The thought of having to take that class again makes death seem much more appealing. There was no way you were about to step foot into that lecture hall again or sit in another lab. You just wanted to put chemistry behind you already. Life was way too short to be worrying so much about one damn class.

“My professor actually recommended me a tutor,” you tell your roommate and her ears perk up immediately.

“Then what the fuck are you waiting for?” she looks at you like you’re an idiot, which you evidently are.

“He’s not a chem major,” you try to explain.

Ara just nods, “Okay, so like biology? Bio majors take chemistry too.”

You just shake your head, “He’s actually…a philosophy major.”

Silence engulfs the room for a moment, Ara looking at you with the wildest expression. It's like she is trying to understand the situation, and somehow make philosophy equal chemistry, but nothing is adding up. Her mouth opens and closes multiple times. You don’t blame her or her reaction because you felt the exact same way.

“Exactly,” you tell her. “That is why I’m fucked.”

“I am so sorry, y/n,” she places a hand over her heart, “should I begin preparing your funeral arrangements now?”

You throw one of the pillows on your bed at her, but Ara just catches it with laughter. “Why the hell are you laughing?”

“I think that you will be fine,” she tries to appease you. “Find this philosophy dude and try to get him to become your tutor. At this point, he seems to be your only saving grace.”

“Even if I wanted to be tutored by some smartass philosophy major,” you begin, still not entirely sure if you want to meet up with him, “I don’t know where the hell to find him.”

Your roommate says something along the lines of going to see the head of student relations, and that’s when a light bulb goes off in your head—you have a friend who works in the administration building. If anyone can help you locate this Namjoon dude, it will be that person. And as soon as this idea fills your mind, you decide that you better not waste any time and jump off the bed, rushing to the door.

“Where are you going? You don’t have another class today,” Ara questions as you grab your student ID.

“I’ll be back!” you say a little too excitedly and practically run to the other side of the campus.

By the time you get to the academic building, you’re sweating up a storm. It was the beginning of November already, which meant cooler autumn days. But today, Mother Nature paid a particularly warm visit and the bi-polar weather was something you hated. You walk up the pretty white steps and open the double doors into a space of cool air-conditioned goodness. You take a moment to bask in the contrast from outside before walking up to the secretary.

“Hi,” you greet the woman dressed in all red. “Is Min Yoongi in today?”

Even though you have become well acquainted with the boy over the last few months, you have no idea what his set schedule is. You two had one class together—a history course you both struggled to stay awake in; besides that, you never saw him around much. All you knew was that Yoongi was always busy with his multiple jobs around campus, which was weird since the last time you saw him, he was asleep in the library. He probably passed out from exhaustion.

“Yes, he is.” You breathe a sigh of relief. Thank the heavens. “He is currently right up the stairs; second door to the left.”

You thank the secretary and follow her directions until you reach the second door on the left. The door was slightly cracked open. Peeping in, you see Yoongi tapping away on a keyboard and you lightly tap three times on the wood. He types a few more times before saying to come in.

Pushing the door open, he looks over at you and nearly does a double-take. “Y/n?”

He seems surprised to see you, especially since you’ve never come by before.

You fall into an empty seat. “Hey, Yoongi.”

“Should I be…worried?” he questions, turning back to his computer.

“Depends,” you tell him.

“On what?”

“Do you know someone named Kim Namjoon?”

Yoongi stops, hovering his hands over the keyboard. You notice that his mouth presses into a thin line, eyebrows scrunching. He swivels his chair to face you and blinks twice. “Maybe.”

“Can you help me find him?” you ask.

“Why?” he crosses his arms over his chest.

You sigh, “Because my dumbass self is failing chemistry and I need help.”

“Don’t you have any friends you can ask to help?” Yoongi asks. “I mean, like me for instance.”

His comment makes you roll your eyes. The corner of his lips morph into a half-smile, and you know that he’s just teasing. You also know how busy he is; there is no way you are going to ask him for anything. Besides, Yoongi is probably just as terrible at chemistry. You have never seen him step anywhere near the science building.

You express these sentiments to him and he nods, while you ask, “Aren’t you a communications major anyway?”

“Isn’t this Namjoon guy in philosophy?”

“So you do know him, Yoongi.”

“I said maybe—I never said yes or no,” he clarifies, and you suppress your need to roll your eyes again. “But I guess I can help you find him.”

You nearly jump for joy at his words and watch as he begins to type away at his keyboard again. After a few minutes, Yoongi has pulled up an entire profile, along with a few articles, on Namjoon. All the information is cool, but you question your friend about its legality. But Yoongi merely brushes your concerns away and says it’s his job description. Whatever that means.

Your eyes scan down the profile—which is rather impressive with all of the multiple awards and perfect 4.0 GPA plastered on the screen in bold letters—and come to the conclusion that Kim Namjoon is, in fact, a genius and that you need his help. Immediately. Screw the fact that he isn’t a chemistry major. You just need anything you can get at this point. You want—no, need to pass. As you stare at his photo, showcasing an individual with dark hair and thick-framed glasses, you make it your mission to find him. Now, it's just the question of where to start looking.

“I’ve seen him a few times in the library,” Yoongi suddenly says, like he was reading your mind. “So, if I were you, I would start there.”

You thank Yoongi, crushing your friend in a hug and then bolt for the library.

***

After a few fruitless days in the library, you have nearly lost all hopes of getting a passing grade.

You have already started preparing yourself to take chemistry again in the spring, talking to your advisor about the schedule change. You really don’t want to take the devil’s class again, but an F would be detrimental to your GPA; and according to your university’s handbook, if you retook a class, the lower grade would be dropped. Also, Ara managed to convince you that suffering another semester in chemistry would be better than dying. And you had to agree with that.

It just seemed like it was impossible to find this Namjoon guy. You spent all of your spare time on a couch right by the library door. So if anyone left or came in, specifically him, you would see it. But every person who passed is not who you are looking for and you are starting to question Yoongi’s advice, or maybe Namjoon just lives in the library and is never going to come out.

You hope, hour after hour, that he will just walk through the doors, but it's already your fourth day in the library and you are sure the librarians are starting to get tired of seeing your face, with desperation written all over it, every day. Hell, you are tired of yourself. This is exhausting, and you are drained. Four days of waiting is absolute torture.

Ara has stopped by a few times today to drop off a bag of chips and an apple for you, which you're thankful for but wish she brought more. Aside from her, you’ve been alone. No one has stopped to talk to you, thank goodness, but a few people have given you the stink eye for hogging up the entire couch.

But having all this time alone in the library has given you the chance to think about your time-ticking situation. Even though you’ve accepted chemistry continuing to be a part of your life next semester, you still have a sliver of hope in running into Namjoon. You look at every person who walks in, checking for dark hair and glasses. Some do fit the description, but for some reason you know they’re not Kim Namjoon.

After god knows how long you’ve been in the library, you begin to pack your things up when you notice a tall blonde walk into the library. The blond hair is an immediate red x, so you focus back on the task at hand and begin walking to the doors. But just as you’re about to walk outside into the setting sun, you overhear the conversation between the blonde and the librarian.

“…you’ve read nearly everything in this library, Mr. Kim.”

He laughs, “Not everything.”

“Well, I know you’ve read much beyond your major.”

“I like to be well-rounded, ma’am.” She laughs.

“Did you still need that room?” You don’t hear him say anything to her. “Okay, mister Kim Namjoon, quiet room D is all yours.”

At that moment you freeze, not even sure if you heard anything correctly. Turning around, you notice the librarian hand the guy a key with a smile. He thanks her and walks off. You run up to the desk and slam your hand on the counter. “Was that Kim Namjoon?”

The librarian is startled, “Excuse me?”

“Was he Kim Namjoon or not?!” You’re hysteric. The person you’ve just spent days looking for is possibly steps away from you, and you are now nearing a nervous breakdown.

“Yes,” is all she says before you’re gone.

You run to the quiet rooms, which just so happened to be on the second floor, and straight to the door that had a bold letter D on it. The door is slightly cracked, so you exhale deeply before pushing it open. There you see the man himself, a book in hand, sitting in one of the two chairs in the room. He looks up at the sudden shift in the air, right at you. “Can I help you?”

Now that you’re closer to him, you realize how deep his voice is and how he just seems to command the space around him. Unlike that photo that you saw on his school profile, his once dark hair is now blonde with darker roots. The only way you can even tell it's the same person is the fact that Namjoon still wore glasses, albeit they are much more fashionable now.

“If you just came here to stare, I’d recommend that you leave. I’m currently in a very deep reading about Hobbes and the human condition.”

His comment snaps you out of your daze. “What? Hobbes? No—no I didn’t come here just to look at you, not that I came here at all to do that.” You sound stupid.

“Yes, Hobbes—did you know that he described the human condition to be one of war? That men are selfish and only wish to benefit themselves?” You have zero idea about what he is talking about. “If you don’t care about that…goodbye.” Namjoon looks back down at his book, ignoring your existence.

“I came here because I need you to tutor me,” you tell him, hoping he’ll at least look at you.

“Like I haven’t heard that before,” he flips a page.

You fist both your hands, “I’m failing chemistry, like really badly, and I can’t afford to have that grade on my transcripts.”

He doesn’t say anything, just flipping the pages in his damn book. You walk closer, until you’re right in front of him, but he still doesn’t give you the time of day. At this point, you feel angry and just done with everything. You’ve been waiting for this guy for the last four days and now he didn’t even care.

“Please,” you tell him. “Tutor me.”

“I don’t know you.”

You sigh, “My name is y/n.”

“Do you know who I am?”

“You’re Kim Namjoon.”

“Yes, well if you do know me…y/n…you must also know that I can’t just tutor you for free,” Namjoon says with a finger pushing the frame of his glasses up, eyes not wavering from the book in his other hand. “My time is precious.”

“You have to!” you practically beg. “I need to pass chem.”

He sighs, “I’m not even a chem major.”

“But you’re brilliant…or so they say,” you whisper the last bit to yourself, but Namjoon’s sharp ears don’t miss it.

“I am brilliant, thank you very much. But if you don’t have a form of payment, I’m afraid I will have to decline your proposal.”

You fall to your knees, hands clasped together, “Please, Namjoon; I’m willing to do anything.”

The last word causes him to look away from his book and down at you, taking in your rather pathetic self. A smirk stretches across his lips, “Anything?”

You just nod, hating yourself so much right now; but you're desperate, and desperate times called for even more desperate measures. As you look at Namjoon’s face, the careless gaze in his eyes begins to morph into something else. His eyes darken to obsidian and you can only imagine what is running through his head. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so willing to do anything for a passing grade. Unfortunately, you don’t have any more chances to take back what you said.

“You do look awfully pretty right now, on your knees and all.”

He brings a finger to your face, outlining the curve of your jaw to the swell of your lips. Heat rushes to your face and for a moment you don’t know what to say. You aren’t naïve to sex or anything of that sort, but you have never met someone so forward about it.

“Unless, you don’t want to pass chem,” he drops the finger. He must’ve noticed the shocked look on your face, but you quickly push your reasonable thoughts aside and shake your head.

“I want to.”

Namjoon smiles, revealing a dimple, “Perfect. We’ll start tomorrow.”

He gets up from the chair and grabs his book—which you now realize is an anthology of philosophical essays from some guy named Hobbes—walking to the door.

“You’re leaving?” you ask, still not registering what is actually going down.

“Meet me in front of the library tomorrow, and then we’ll go to my place.”

Shutting the door behind him, you collapse onto the floor with the release of a breath you’d been holding in. Your mind runs wild, heart beating erratically.

Holy shit.

***

“You what?”

Ara stares at you with wide eyes as you recall your encounter with Namjoon.

The moment you left quiet room D, after you somehow collected the strength back in your legs, you walked back to your dorm room to find your roommate sprawled on her bed. She expected to see you back earlier and was a bit concerned as to why you were later than usual today.

So, you spilled the beans. Everything.

Your roommate is the closest friend you have at school and you really needed to tell someone about the situation you were placed in. Ara was excited when you mentioned how you managed to meet Namjoon in the library and talked to him. Her expression began to change once you mentioned how disinterested he was until you offered a form of payment.

“I told him I’d do anything,” you repeat, lightly tapping your head against the wall.

“Why the hell did you say that?”

“I was desperate, Ara,” you say with a sigh. “Like, really desperate—you should’ve seen me.”

The both of you cringe at the image of you begging Namjoon to tutor you. You still can’t believe you became that girl. This chemistry class is really fucking you up.

“You’re an idiot, y/n,” she tells you.

“Oh my god, I know.”

It was pretty idiotic of you to offer up such a bold promise. You have never been one to be so risky and wage two very important things—your chemistry grade and yourself. Is it even worth it? You are beginning to have second thoughts and that's a terrible thing.

“When are you two meeting up?” Ara asks.

“Tomorrow.”

#armiesnet #bangtan bookclub #networkbangtan #bts #bangtan #bts scenarios #bts fic #namjoon fic #namjoon #rm #humor #smut #private tutor #xbaepsae

207 notes · View notes

boymeetsweevil · 6 years

Text

For Science 2/7

Grouping: Reader x Nerd!Jungkook

Word Count: ~8.6k lmao where is this going idek

Warnings/Themes: not much honestly just some good old fashioned heavy petting and dry humping :) because why not?

Summary: Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.

part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

The next time you see Jungkook is a few days later when classes have started back up for the week. You spent a good 20 minutes that morning staring up at your ceiling wondering if today would be the day that the consequences of your drunken voyeurism party would come back to haunt you. Jungkook isn’t necessarily someone that can’t keep secrets, but given that he’s a bit of a novice when it comes to sex, you’re not sure whether he’ll keep his mouth shut. And as appealing as cutting class would have been, you can’t risk your grades in your junior year and with applications for jobs looming over your head with one year left.

When you emerge from the food court holding your lunch tray, you head to the patch of grass on the quad that you and the guys like to frequent. From the short distance away, you can see that Tae has just sat down to join Hoseok. Jungkook is nowhere to be found and you’re secretly glad you don’t have to deal with him watching you walk over. You give them a nod as you sit down, careful not to spill your food or the precious brownie wrapped up in the corner well of the tray.

“How was Friday night,” Tae asks over a mouthful of tuna sandwich.

“It was fine, why do you ask.” Your voice remains level as you unwrap your sandwich, but you don’t make eye contact.

“What do you mean ‘why’? Jungkook can’t handle his liquor and always throws up if he has more than one beer. Did he even make it to your apartment? No one heard anything from either of you for the whole weekend.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that after the uber left,” Hoseok nods sympathetically.

“Shut up,” you laugh, throwing a crumpled wad of plastic wrap at him. “You weren’t thinking about anything. You were knocked out like your BAC was .9.”

“At least I wasn’t…”

“At least you weren’t what? Because whatever you’re going to critique me for, I didn’t do.”

“Didn’t do what,” Jungkook asks as he approaches the area where you’re all seated on the grass.

“Didn’t do you,” Hoseok snorts.

Jungkook pauses with his chicken nugget in midair. “What exactly are we talking about?”

“You don’t remember asking her to deflower you so you’d be a better lay for Yoori? Man, you really are a lightweight. I don’t get it. You’re tall and muscly, it makes no sense.”

“You really don’t remember?” Tae leans over to look at Jungkook with concern.

“I remember what I remember,” is all he says before digging into his lunch without another word. Your relief is short lived because the topic switches only slightly when Taehyung asks about Yoori.

“When did you say she was coming back, again?”

Jungkook’s eyes crinkle with subdued excitement. “She said she was coming back in a month.”

“Well, you’d better start working on that v-card issue then.”

“I’m sure that I’ll come up with some sort of solution,” he shrugs and pushes up his glasses with his middle finger. “Can you go back in line and get me more chicken nuggets, Hoseok?”

“Why me?”

“You’re the only one who’s done eating.” When Hoseok refuses to budge, Jungkook brandishes his ID card like it’s a thick wad of cash. “You can buy whatever you want while you’re up there. On me.”

“Deal,” he snatches the card away before turning to Tae. “Come stand in line with me.”

You turn to watch the two of them go, snorting at how much they resemble tweedle dee and tweedle dum.

“You couldn’t stand in line yourself, hotshot?”

“I just wanted to talk with you privately,” he mumbles while playing with the grass.

“Oh. Is it about this weekend?”

“Yeah. I’ve been giving it some thought and honestly...”

Here comes the rejection, you think. But technically you weren’t even dating, much less together, so how could you be getting rejected? And it was his idea in the first place, so he definitely can’t reject you. The thoughts come at you all at once, inundating you until you’re staring above his head at nothing, trying not to shriek in frustration.

“Hello? Where are you right now, Mars?” Jungkook lays a hand on your shoulder, breaking your reverie.

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Uh. No, sorry. What did you say?” You raise your shoulder so his hand slides off on its own, bracing yourself for his next words.

“I said I think we should make it a weekend thing instead of just one day a week.”

“Really? Why?”

“Think about the math for starters. We’d meet maybe four more times if Yoori’s actually coming back in a month. But that’s not nearly enough time to test for variables or come up with a formula. Much less master technique. And think of all the instruments I still don’t have a good familiarity with.”

“Jungkook--”

“I figure with weekends, we could triple the amount of raw time we have. And if we’re really being sticklers for detail, we could more than triple the amount of practice situations if we operate under the assumption that it will be mainly just you acting as the test subject.” His hands flutter as he talks until they land like birds in his hair and turn it into a deranged looking nest.

“Jungkook.”

“I read on Sunday that vaginal orgasms can occur in series and since most of the sessions will be focused on you, we don’t have to factor in the more singular penile orgasms or refractory periods and--”

“Are you really talking about your dick like it’s a limiting reagent right now?”

“Yes,” he stops his rambling to look at you through his lenses, the glass making his eyes appear even rounder and shinier. “Should I not do that?”

“You know what? It’s fine. Weekends are fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Your voice is starting to sound a little...hysterical.”

“No, it’s really fine. I’ll just stay over at your place this week after Fortnite.”

“Crap, I forgot about Fortnite. We were so close to being able to compete in the town tournament.”

“It’s fine, just move it to another day of the week.”

“But how will I explain that to Tae and Hoseok without raising suspicion?”

You gnaw on the corner of your lip until an idea comes to you. “Just tell them that my test scores went down a lot and you have to tutor me. Happens to Hoseok all the time.”

“But there’s no way your results would go down enough for you to need tutoring all weekend long for a month’s worth of weekends. You’re way too smart for that.”

“Y-you think so?” His words make your cheeks warm up and you smile up at him shyly.

His brow furrows. “Of course you’re smart. You know that.”

“Obviously I know, but I…didn’t know you thought that way too.”

“I’d be crazy not to,” he smiles softly at you.

“Here are your damn nuggets, you lazy baby.”

A tray piled high with nuggets and baked goods comes crashing down from Hoseok’s hands with a scary accuracy into Jungkook’s lap. Hoseok never ceases to amaze you with the speed at which he can ruin a nice mood. There’s no sense in mourning a one-sided moment, though, so you just scoop up a stray nugget and nibble. Hoseok sits down roughly onto the green with chocolate stains around his mouth, the cherry tart in his hand seems to be his next victim. Jungkook chokes on a lettuce leaf.

“Just how much did you troglodytes buy!?”

“Not that much,” Tae looks guilty as he peels the wrapper off a drumstick ice cream cone.

“Don’t act like you can’t just reload the missing funds,” Hoseok points a syrupy finger in Jungkook’s direction, “You have that programming money, asshole.”

You shake your head and gesture for Tae to grab what he can and leave them to it.

The most daunting thing about the whole arrangement is that during the rest of the week Jungkook manages to act like he’s hasn’t come over to your apartment to watch and help you get off for the sake of being better lover to Yoori. He’s completely nonchalant in the way that he sits next to you when you all get together to strategize for robotics competitions, his elbow brushing yours the entire time. When Hoseok uses Jungkook’s newfound virginity again to knock him down a peg during a study session where he keeps mock-grading Hoseok’s answers down, he doesn’t bat an eyelash. It’s not like Jungkook has suddenly become cool, though. He still eats like a 5-year-old weight lifter. And he still falls asleep on the floor of Tae’s room only to wake up with the shape of his glasses imprinted onto his face. He still looks across the room with lightning speed and holds out his hand like he did when you were kids because he wants you on his team when you guys stumble upon a spontaneous Super Smash Bros being hosted in Tae’s dorm lobby. Jungkook is still just as much himself as he was before you spread your legs for him and you can’t tell if that makes you happy or sad.

Friday rolls around and you spend 2 hours more than usual getting ready for Fortnite at Jungkook’s. The funny part is that you never ‘got ready’ before. But now you’re taking a 40 minute shower to shave basically every hair that grows below your eyelashes and using the previously unopened lotion your mother bought you from the Clinique store a birthday ago. You even put on a mud mask you bought on a whim once and sing a little song called ‘this isn’t a date’ the whole time it dries on your face. By the time you leave your apartment to head over, your whole body is moisturized, glowing, hairless, and fragrant. You empty out your backpack and fill it with the things you’ll need for the weekend so as not to raise suspicion with an overnight bag. Though it’s significantly lighter because its not filled with textbooks and toolkits, you still feel like you’re carrying a huge weight on your shoulders as you knock on Jungkook’s door.

Taehyung is the first to greet you because he’s the one who gets sent to open the door.

“Weird,” he blurts out. He quickly regrets saying anything when your mouth drops open.

“I look weird?”

“I don’t know,” he studies you as you both make your way to small set up of consoles in the middle of the dorm’s living area. “Guys, doesn’t she look weird?”

“Excuse me. I don’t want to do this right now. Nothing’s weird.”

“You do look weird,” Hoseok chimes in and puts down his controller to stalk forward. “But your hair is doing that same…shape it always does. And you’re not, like, wearing something nice for a change.”

All you can do is gape at their rude comments as they circle around you.

“Kook, come check this out. She look different to you?”

Jungkook approaches slowly and looks you over with the rest of them. When it was just Taehyung and Hoseok, you could at least make angry eye contact and flick them in the forehead when they got too close. But with Jungkook also looking at you, it feels like you’re glued by your feet to the floor, unable to move.

“You don’t really look all that different. You smell a little different, though.”

The other two sniff the air before letting out matching yells of agreement and crowding you further to guess the smell. You have to give Hoseok a purple nurple when his nose starts to tickle your neck but you’re too exhausted to shake Taehyung off and endure him linking arms with you as you walk to your seats to continue sniffing your hairline.

“What’d you do? Run out of that dollar store lotion you use,” Hoseok jokes as he tosses you a controller.

“Yes,” you deadpan just to get him off your back. Jungkook scoots his chair next to yours, getting into the normal team pairings. When he gets close enough, you lean over, sheepish, and ask, “Do I smell weird? Be honest.”

“No,” he pats your thigh reassuringly before redirecting his gaze at the TV. “You smell good.”

Although you’re relieved that no one really questioned your slight change in presentation, you can’t settle fully into the game night because you’re practically vibrating with excited nerves. You’ve stayed the night with hookups in the sense that you were too tired to leave directly after a one night stand so you crashed with them in their beds and snuck out at dawn. But this would be different. While it wasn’t a full-on sleepover with a main squeeze, it was still better than doing the walk of shame from a stranger’s apartment at 6 am. And it would be a weekend with Jungkook. After a few hours of trying to hide the childlike smile on your face and having your character nearly die every round, the gang calls it quits.

“Hey, what’s up with you,” Hoseok calls from across the room. “Why do you suck at playing tonight?”

“Just thought it might be interesting to play like you do for a change,” you snark. Taehyung and Jungkook both grimace for Hoseok, who opts for flipping you the bird instead.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is just misplaced passion between us.”

“Good thing you know better.”

Thinking of Hoseok as anything other than an annoying friend has your skin crawling, but you do give him a pat on the back as a silent ‘good game’.

“Should we go out for ice cream? The night is still young. And you’re out of ice cream,” Taehyung calls from where is head is practically buried inside the freezer.

“Sorry, guys. I’m video calling with RealiCorp tomorrow at 8am about some software updates and I have to get to bed so I can be sharp.”

“You don’t have to come. We can get ice cream just the three of us,” Taehyung says as he slips on his shoes.

“I think I’m gonna have to take a rain check as well,” you perch yourself on the armrest of the couch facing the consoles. “I’m on a diet, so I think I’ll just go home.”

“And the reason you’re not getting up go now is?” Hoseok eyes how comfortable you look in your spot and raises an eyebrow.

“It’s dark outside and it’s not safe for me to walk back. I’m calling an uber.”

“Lame, but safety first, I guess.” He wraps an arm around Taehyung and pulls the door open. “You gonna treat your senior to a snow cone?”

You wait for their figures to disappear down the road before turning to look at Jungkook.

“You don’t really have a RealiCorp meeting.”

He grins. “How’d you know?”

“Easy. RealiCorp offices are in New York and 7pm their time is way too late for a minor business call.”

“You caught me. Are you really on a diet?”

“What do you think?” He snorts and raises his palms in surrender.

“I’m gonna go shower, but I’ll see you in a bit.”

You watch him retreat to the bathroom and suddenly you’re glad he’s gone because there is very little time before he watches you get off again.

Quickly you bring your bag to his bedroom and settle on his mattress and wait. To kill time, you look around the room. The superhero movie posters that cover a generous amount of the wall space and the wall length bookshelf that is covered with stacks of comic books depicting the same stories the movies do all scream ‘nerd’. So does the giant monitor with a large terminal blinking on it and pair of laptops on his desk. The laundry basket has three different shirts with Big Bang Theory quotes on them. You shake your head and recall the day you’d bought them for him off Etsy. You weren’t a fan of the show yourself but he loved to watch it for the jokes and to poke holes in the scientific jargon the characters would spew.

“You notice anything new,” he asks as he walks in, shutting the door behind him while he scrubs at his wet hair with a towel.

“No. Did you add something?”

“Yeah,” he says, pointing to the wall that holds the room’s sole window. There’s a large felt flag with the RealiCorp logo embroidered onto it.

“Oh. Nice flag.”

“Not that, that’s old.” He walks over and gestures a hand underneath the flag. Beneath the flag are a handful of photos off you, Taehyung, and Hoseok from over the years. You remember each of the specific moments in which they were taken.

“You’re not in any of them,” you murmur.

“I know. But I don’t need a picture of myself. I know what I looked like and what I was feeling. Having a photo of you guys is the main thing.”

The softness of his tone makes your heart ache. Jungkook is a sentimental genius, a rare breed. With every fiber of your being you wish that he could be yours. You’ve spent around a decade of your life loving him from afar despite the fact that you’re best friends. But you’re prepared to spend another decade doing it if that’s the way you can stay in each other’s lives. The sooner you commit to that fate, the less cloudy this weird thing you have going on will make your brain and the less it will hurt when it’s over and you watch Yoori get to have him.

“Oh, I have something for you.”

He retrieves a brown paper bag from under his desk and dumps the contents on the bed while you strip off your loose joggers. From the bag fall a giant tube of lubricant and a few sex toys. Your peer down at the trinkets with an amused expression while he putters around his room. When he sits down again, you finally take note of his outfit.

Junkgkook is in his mottled and self-distressed hoodie and threadbare sweats that his dad bought him from the school co-op when he got his acceptance letter 4 years ago. It’s an outfit you’re very familiar with because he often wears it whenever you all are dealing with messy things. Like oil changes, painting the exterior of fighter bots, or baking with Hoseok. Now that his hair isn’t soaking wet, he has his bangs pushed away from his face with a thin headband and sleek goggles replace his chunky black frames. You weren’t going to say anything but then you saw the small notebook and pen clutched in his grasp.

“Okay. What the hell is that outfit?”

“You act like you’ve never seen me in my researching clothes before.”

“I have, but you’re not dissecting a drone you found in a dumpster, you’re looking at my vagina.”

“Proper lab attire is an integral part of any successful experiment,” he waves an admonishing finger at you.

“You’re calling sweatpants with cheese stains on them ‘proper lab attire’?”

“This isn’t an efficient use of our time,” he huffs.

“Oh my god, okay fine.” The energy in the room is a little more chaotic than it was before but it provides you with the push needed to get your panties down and trapped around an ankle and you clambering into a half prone position. “Let the experimentation begin.”

Jungkook waits for you to part your knees before shuffling into his spot between your legs. He ducks his head to peer at your exposed folds before scribbling down some notes.

“What are you writing?”

“Nothing much. Just making note of the initial appearance so I can compare towards the end. Can I touch you? My hands are clean, I promise.”

“Uh, yeah, go ahead.”

Clearly he remembered more than he let on from that first night because he goes straight for your clit like you mentioned before. Slowly, he reaches a pointer finger out to poke. The sudden pressure, though light, has you jumping.

“Sorry,” he looks up at you from behind his frames, “I forgot how sensitive it is.”

“It’s okay,” you tell him as you focus your gaze on the ceiling. You’re trying hard to maintain a semblance of professionalism.

When his finger stops skimming, he’s a little too far south and you tell him so. He adjusts and manages to find it the second time around. He looks at your face carefully to gauge the reaction and is a little disappointed to see that you look bored. He tries circling his fingertip around the little nub, but the pressure is too light and almost ticklish. You snicker quietly and he gives up.

“This isn’t working. You don’t look like you’re having any fun,” he pouts.

“Kook, this isn’t about me. And this is supposed to be educational, not fun.”

“But its only educational for me if you’re having fun. What else can I do?

“What do you mean, you’re doing fine.”

“I did the finger thing and it didn’t do anything. All you did was laugh.”

“No one is laughing at you, though.”

“What about this,” he asks and you have to look back down to see what he’s talking about.

You realize he’s talking about the small bullet vibrator that lay amongst the things he brought in the brown paper bag. He holds it up to your face so you can get a better view of what it is. You look away, already very familiar with it because you have a blue version in the shoebox under your bed.

“Some people do use those to get off, that’s true.”

“Then let’s put this in. It has a USB in it. Will it collect data?”

“Slow your roll. That thing is more for direct clit stimulation than insertion. It’s the same thing I used on myself last time, remember?”

You watch him inspect it. He finds the power button and turns it onto its lowest setting. The low buzz fills the room and reminds you just what type of activities you’re engaging in. Without a warning he lays the vibrating toy where he thinks remembers your clit is. He’s right and the sudden vibrations have one of your legs kicking out involuntarily. You let out a yelp and try to scramble backwards, but the headboard keeps you in your spot.

“Fuck!”

Jungkook throws back his head and laughs. It’s the type of laugh he does where its strong and high and rolling. In most situations its infectious, but here you’re mad that he’s taking advantage of your natural reactions.

“Your leg did that last time too,” he giggles before quickly writing down your reaction. “This is fun.”

He approaches you with the toy again, this time remembering to circle your clit like you had demonstrated before. You just barely keep a moan from escaping. This time your eyes roll into the back of your head at the feeling assaulting your clit.

“Wow,” he breathes.

Again, he hurries to jot everything down in quick script with his free hand. In the porn he’d watched, it seemed like all rubbing a woman’s clit would get you was a coy smile and a musical lilting moan. Your reaction was far more visceral than he had expected. The way your back arched upwards looked almost painful, but there was something graceful about the way your body just took over.

“Okay,” you say harshly. You can feel the pricks of sweat creeping along your hairline and spine. Your body thinks its getting sex soon, but its mistaken. “I think that’s enough learning for today.”

“Oh, come on. We only did one round,” he whines.

“Pfft. That wasn’t even one round. I didn’t cum.”

His nose scrunches in confusion as he jots that down. “You didn’t? Then what was all that flailing you did and the stuff with your face.”

“I’m just…responsive. That’s all.”

“Well, you can’t quit. We agreed to do this all weekend, remember?”

“I know,” you sigh, and cover your eyes with your hands, “Let’s…just move on, okay? What do you think the next step is?”

He frowns a little, the corners of his mouth turning down anxiously. He reaches for one of the toys he brought, a slightly larger than average size dildo, and clutches it in two hands before inching it towards your pelvis.

“No,” your hands come out quickly before he impales you. “Jungkook, think. What’s missing from this situation? Why might it be too early for that?”

“Hold on,” he asks picking up his pen and paper and pinning you with a quizzical look. “Say that again?”

“You can’t just jump to inserting foreign objects.”

He furrows his brows. You watch as his thinking face comes out: the cute scrunched nose, cute pursed lips, cute round eyes filled with confusion. After a few beats, he comes up with something, his fingers snapping with the small victory.

“If I were jerking off right now,” you fight to keep the image from surfacing in your head, “I would need to make sure the friction wouldn’t cause lacerations or inflammation. And I bought this.” He hands you the gaudy pink bottle of lube and you frown once you read the label. Upon further inspection, you can see that its actually just hand cream. Cherry scented.

“Partial credit,” you say, handing it back to him.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s not real lube and I don’t want a yeast infection.”

“But this is the only one I got,” he pouts.

His dejected face makes you want to wrap him up in the duvet. There is a solution he’s not thinking of, and you suppose there’s no better time than the present for someone to learn about foreplay. The possible complications that could arise are present in the back of your mind, but you figure since you’re doing this all for Yoori, you should go big or go home.

“Jungkook, are you forgetting the vaginas are self-lubricating? That’s a rookie move, even for you.”

His bright smile returns. “How could I forget. But how do we jumpstart the lubrication process? What’s the catalyst?”

“Well, you have to be,” you search for an elegant word but can’t find one, “You have to be turned on.”

“Well, what do I have to do to turn you on?”

The question is innocent in and of itself. But the way that Jungkook tilts his head like an eager puppy, lip trapped between his even, white teeth, smelling like soap and safety makes your stomach do flip flops. He looks up at you, and ponders what it would take to get your folds to become sticky with arousal like they were last time. His hands fidget with the pen and notebook, clearly at a loss for ideas about what the next step is.

“I-it’s different for every person. But foreplay is generally the best way to work someone up.”

His pen moves at an impressive speed as he writes down your words. “Fourplay? Like the number four?”

“Not really, no. I mean if you adhere to, like, the four bases, then sure.”

“What bases?”

“You know what I mean. The bases. The four F’s.” When he merely blinks up at you, no recognition suddenly lighting up his eyes, you realize he’s way more inexperienced than you thought. “French, feel, finger, fuck? Never heard of them?”

“Nope,” he says.

“Okay. Um, it’s a baseball metaphor for sex. Or, more accurately, the events that can lead up to it and then sex. The first one, French, refers to french kissing.”

“What’s Feel stand for?”

“Feel as in feeling someone up or groping them. Finger is pretty straight forward, it stands for fingering but really could be anything you do with the hands. And I guess oral falls into that category too.”

“Fuck is the whole sex, right?”

“Yes, it’s…the whole sex. But maybe just call it sex from now on?”

“Right,” he says. “Which ones would you need in order to lubricate?”

Your cheeks heat. “They’re all pretty much fine for me. I mean the order is pretty appropriate.”

His expression slowly morphs into one of intense thought before it contorts again into nervousness. “I’ve only ever kissed someone once. In middle school. I don’t remember it, but I don’t think I was very good at it.”

“Well, we don’t have to if you’re—”

“No, no, I wanna do it. It’ll be good if we do this now, so I can spend the rest of the time improving. You can help me. I’m sure Yoori likes to kiss people as well,” he says resolutely.

You shake your head to dislodge the idea of Yoori sitting on a throne and watching the evening’s events play out.

“Okay. Maybe we should just focus on one at a time, then.”

“Yeah.”

He tries to shuffle up next to you with his notebook and pen, but you make him leave them by the foot of the bed, explaining that he likely won’t be able to take notes anyway. Once he’s sitting next to you by the pillows, he awkwardly turns to you, neck craned at an uncomfortable angle. You sigh. He’s really not doing anything to help build an ambiance and you have to do it all yourself. You start by reaching out to take off his lab goggles, trying not to laugh at the pink lines they left on his face.

“I can’t see,” he pipes up as soon as you become a blurry shape in front of him.

“You weren’t wearing your contacts under those?”

“I don’t wear contacts. They’re too much of a hassle. And the goggles have prescription in them. It’s easier that way.”

“It’s fine. Most people close their eyes for this anyway.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s easier than trying to focus on someone’s face an inch in front of you. Plus, it feels nice so you just kind of…close them.”

He merely nods and you turn to face him fully. His eyes are squeezed shut and his shoulders are nearly brushing his ears with how tensely he’s holding them.

“Kook,” you whisper, “Why are you all hunched up?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I just got scared for a second. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. There’s no need to worry.”

“How do these things normally begin?”

“Honestly? You just feel it coming when the mood is right. For now though, either one of us could just start.”

“Maybe I can start,” you’re surprised to hear him volunteering, “And you can take over if I get stuck.”

“Okay,” you whisper as he inches towards you.

You relax your jaw and let your eyes fall closed. Clearly he’s close or else you wouldn’t be able to smell his clean shower gel scent, but a few moments pass and he hasn’t done anything. You’re about to open your mouth to ask him if he’s alright when he finally swoops in and plants a swift peck on your lips before backing away. It was too fast to really be anything close to a kiss. More just a dry bump of lips. You open your eyes again to find him peering at your nervously.

“I got stuck,” he mumbles. Even though he’s a few months older than you, the small way he sits after having had his second kiss makes you feel powerful. Not superior, just capable of taking care of him and showing him ‘the ropes’, whatever they may be.

“That’s okay.” You reach a hand out to glide across his cheek and settle in the hair at the nape of his neck and guide him forward. “You’ll get the flow in no time.”

The kiss starts out dry once again, Jungkooks lips are still closed a bit tightly due to his clenched jaw. But some gentle strokes of the shell of his ear with your thumb help coax him into following the way your lips caress his as best he can. It is, admittedly, a bit awkward at first because his rhythm is off, and you can tell he’s frustrated when you open an eye to peek at him and spy his hands scraping at his knees. He tilts his head, nose brushing yours softly, and then suddenly things slot into place. He manages to sync up with you when he pivots a bit and traps your bottom lip. A little surprised breath leaves you as the kiss stops feeling so one-sided and he pushes forward, emboldened by your response. You let the kiss carry on for a while now that the locomotion seems stable enough to be self-sustained. It’s not until his hands bump against your knee for the third time that you pull back minutely.

“You know, in a situation like this,” you bring one of his hands to rest at the curve of your neck, “It’s okay to consider touching her too.”

He can only nod at you, eyes hooded and a little cross eyed as he tries to focus on your silhouette without his glasses, before licking his lips and edging back in. This time he takes the lead. It starts softly, but you definitely don’t mind. His hair feels like silk in between your fingers and the hand you lay on his ribcage doesn’t scare him off. In fact, he seems to want to even the playing field now that you have both your hands on him and moves his free hand to your waist. The weight of his hand feels heavy and hot, and the area of his grasp as his fingers splay out over you reminds you just how big they are.

Jungkook, being as affectionate as he is, doesn’t need to be told he can wander and soon his hand starts to pet a path down your side and across the small of your back in a mindless, slightly oblong cycle. You can feel the butterflies you felt earlier in your belly getting replaced with a familiar pressure, a faithful precursor to the exact slickness between your thighs that started this heavy petting session. But you figure, there’s all weekend and you’re in no rush. If you had a little devil on your shoulder it would be telling you to draw things out, reminding you that learning is something that takes time, and Jungkook loves to learn more than anyone else you know.

Your pull away again slightly, opting for pressing small iterative kisses on his lips and he chases your mouth, not ready to stop. Pushing forward, you leave kisses like stepping stones until he gets the hint and allows you to guide him into lying propped up on his back.

“It’s easier like this. Easier than sitting up, I mean,” you mutter when you finally have him gazing up at you from the pillows. You lay a hand a few inches below his heart, feeling how it races as he lay under you. “It’s also easier for me too if I sit like this.”

“Right.”

He watches you intently as you swing a leg over so you can straddle him and sit yourself in his lap. As soon as do, his hands return to your waist and yours settle on his biceps. Neither of your keep your hands in your initial starting positions and soon your hands end up back in his hair again. A long while passes before you realize that you still haven’t quite reached the first F.

“Jungkook,” you breathe between kisses.

“Yes?”

“You know what French kissing is, right?”

“Y-yes.”

“Do you know how to do it? It might seem like a strange concept so if you want to skip—”

“No, I want to. I mean I want you to show me.”

“Okay.”

Keeping the mood is important, so you don’t jump into it right away. You’re very much aware that no one responds well to a tongue being shoved into their mouth. With that in mind, you kiss him like you did before, but sneak in a small swipe of the tip of your tongue against his bottom lip. He gasps and in the small moment of surprise, you probe a bit further. He gasps again when the muscle moves across his, but the movement is similar enough to how your lips molded against his earlier that it doesn’t take him too long to get the hang of it. When his tongue slides to edges of your teeth you can’t help but let out a tiny moan. Almost as if a switch was flipped, Jungkook’s arms come to wrap around you tightly, crashing you to his chest and he moves like he’s trying to devour you. At first, there’s a bit too much saliva, but with a well-placed hand on his jaw, you maneuver him into a pattern that’s a little less like a washing machine, but he gets too close-lipped. Another well-placed turn of his jaw puts him right on balance. It’s damn near perfect and, in truth, you’re certain that you could get off like this; with the slick sounds of your mouths working together and the sounds of his periodic gasps fill the room like a symphony underneath you. You dig your blunt nails into the muscle of his thigh and use all of your willpower not to beg him to let you pull down his pants and sink down on his length.

You plant a trail of kisses down his neck before pulling back, suffocating in your pullover. He blinks up slowly at you, about to ask if he overstepped his bounds, but then you grasp both his hands and bring them to where the hem of your baby tee ends. You’re about to take advantage of the whole ‘For Yoori’ situation, but you’re so desperate you don’t care that you’re being an ass.

“What is it?”

“Yoori might be the type of girl to want her boobs played with a little.” You reach behind yourself and under the shirt to unfasten the bra underneath. He squints and then his eyes grow wide as he watches you slide the bra off without ever lifting your shirt. “I mean, that always does the trick for me.”

With that, you lift his hands the last few inches until he’s cupping your breasts. He squeezes a little, tests the weight of them in each large hand. He’s fascinated at the way your nipples seem to appear from out of nowhere to push behind the fabric. He brushes his thumbs over the two peaks and smiles when you’re head drops forward and you scrabble to clutch at his shoulders.

“They’re soft,” his tone is dumbstruck and he squeezes again.

“Yeah, they are. Hey, if you pinch them, she might get really wet. Try--mmm--rolling them between your fingers.”

He heeds your suggestion and plays with your chest until you realize you’ve been grinding against his sweatpants covered leg, completely soaking the fabric with a growing dark spot.

“Looks like you’re ready,” he says softly, the wetness finally accumulating enough to be tangible. “Do we stop now?”

“Do you want to stop?”

He chews a bit on his lip and debates lying so he doesn’t seem needy before remembering it’s you he’s dealing with.

“No,” he finally says.

“We can keep going,” you pull him by his collar to help him sit up. “Are you comfortable like this?”

He nods before sitting up a little, dragging you with him as he moves. You settle back and then you’re pinning him with a look. Curiosity keeps you from immediately going back in to kiss him despite the fact that he just admitted to you that he wanted to continue. The air fills with challenge, the light experimental feeling replaced, and he senses it just like you do. He doesn’t try to steer things back to the way they were though, and instead he takes a moment to enter your space. His breath puffs against your cheek while he gathers his bearings.

“You said you can tell when the mood is the right one for a kiss.”

You hold your breath and think of what to say. Everything feels so fragile and you can practically see the way things are headed but you don’t want to break the tumultuous balance.

“Does right now seem like the right moment to you?”

“Yes.”

“Then do it.”

Jungkook is definitely a prodigy or something. Never in your life have you seen someone so good at picking up new skills as quickly as he does. This is something you’re familiar with and yet you still bury your hands in his shirt out of surprise when his own hand suddenly appears at the back of your neck to pull you in. He tilts his head and kisses you like he’s dehydrated and you’re a softly babbling stream. Each time his lips work over you, you feel as though he’s drinking, like he’s pulling something from you. Something you’ve been dying to have him accept from you for a long while. There’s something soft about the way his tongue slides over yours and it’s so tender and everything you want but its also not enough.

He’s solid underneath you and his skin feels almost feverish with how warm it is. There’s strength in the sinewy bundles that cord under your roaming touch and you want to see him put it to use on you so badly that it frustrates you and bleeds into your kiss. You forget where you are and nip at his lip harshly, though not enough to damage. You forget that you haven’t introduced Jungkook to the rougher parts of amorous activities until he tenses underneath you while letting out a low and guttural groan, hands clutching at your hips tightly and then releasing with a nervous flutter.

“Sorry,” he says shyly as his hands come to rest in the part of his lap that you’re not occupying.

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that bit you.”

“I just meant sorry for…poking you” he can’t finish his sentence because his tongue is tied with embarrassment. You figure he’s talking about how he grabbed you when you bit him and brush it off. Then you feel him thick and hard, nudging your inner thigh.

“Oh. There’s no need to be sorry.”

“But this isn’t about me, this is about--”

“Jungkook,” you stop him with a light hand on his collarbone. “I know your main goal is to be able to please Yoori, but sex is a two-way street. You’re allowed to feel good too.”

“I—okay.” His shoulders are still rounded into himself in a way that makes it clear to you he’s still dwelling on his erection. On instinct you’re moving back in to plant soft kisses on his cheek. You know you’re blurring lines a little by doing so, but you want him to stop feeling so bad.

“Hey, it’s really not an issue. In fact,” you kiss your way to the plush corner of his pouting mouth, “We can really work with this. Let’s try something.”

“What are we going to—Oh!”

His breath leaves him in almost pained huff as you move to slot your dripping center over the bulge in his sweats. A moan sublimates between your mouths and you’re honestly not sure who it came from as you relish in the feel of the drag of the material against your clit. You press kisses to the line of his throat before sucking a bruise at the place where shoulder meets neck. The feeling of your tongue laving small cycles into his skin has his eyes fluttering shut.

After a certain age, Jungkook knew that despite having skipped a few grades, and never having an unweighted GPA of less than 4.46, there were things that some of his peers were becoming aware of but would remain mysterious to him. A few petty classmates had also reminded him on a regular basis that he may only ever know the feeling of relief when it was supplied by his own lubed up right hand. It didn’t worry him much because he assumed that was the fate all those who devoted their lives to science until he watched his peers begin to date as well. Suddenly he was monitoring the freshman night lab by himself on Friday nights because his shift partner was going on dates.nQuickly after that, he was convinced that he’d never get to feel the warmth of another body under his palms.

So as his hands move to stroke your up your sides to your ribs, over your breasts, and back down again while bucking up into your heat, he feels a swell of something towards you. It must be gratitude because you’re giving him a gift. The ability to feel and hold someone while they’re in the throes of an orgasm he produced. And because of this, he’ll be able to do it with Yoori, the girl of his dreams.

He opens his eyes to stare up at your face which is scrunched up in pleasure. It’s amazing, he notes, how easy it is to do all these new things with you. Even the initial fear of failure that he often gets with new subjects fades away in an instant when you put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

You’re warm above him and soft under his hands where he kneads at your chest. He flexes a thigh to give himself so leverage to hump up against you and you whine at the way he now presses firmly against your core. You bury your face in his neck and snap your hips forward. The abrupt onslaught of friction takes him by surprise and he’s coming in his pants after not ten minutes of dry humping with you in between his Thor sheets. The pleasure is so intense that his vision whites out as he cums and he throws all caution to wind as it rips through him. His arms wind around you and pull you closer, a whine leaving him as he slumps back into the pillows.

You fall back with him and let out a small ‘oof’. A quick glance at his sweat drenched and flushed face tells you he must have had a good time. Strong arms are still locked around your waist and the surprise of falling distracted you from chasing your own high, so you merely wriggle out of his grasp and sit back on your heels.

“Good?”

He gives you a wry smile that you usually only see when he’s been drinking. “Yeah.”

“Good,” you say as you hop of the bed and pull on your forgotten joggers before picking up your backpack.

“Wait! Where are you going?” His tone is open and clearly distressed. He fumbles for the prescription goggles that rest on the night table by the bed and shoves them onto his face roughly.

“To shower? My stuff is in my backpack.”

“Oh. Well…did you bring a sleeping bag?”

“No, but I brought a blanket and a pillow for the couch.”

“Don’t sleep on the couch,” you raise an incredulous brow and he backpedals. “We all spent 4 hours farting into that couch because no one wanted to pause the game.”

“Not me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” your face heats up. Whether or not you’re lying is none of his business and you’ll fart where you please without feeling shamed for it. “I’ll just sleep in here. I guess.”

Your time in the bathroom is stressful. Leaving his bedroom, you had a mean case of blue balls and you weren’t sure you could deal with them in his bathroom. It’s never something you imagined you’d have to do while you were at his place, though its not the first time you’ve spent the night or showered there. Game night can get long and you’ve spent many a night fighting Hoseok for hot water in Jungkook’s dorm. After some long and hard thinking about the long and hard thing in Jungkook’s pants, you decide he isn’t the only person who gets to do things for the first time and guide the detachable the shower head between your legs with a fist in your mouth to muffle your moans.

Jungkook is exactly where you left him when you return from the shower, but you can’t face him as you turn back the covers on your half of the bed.

“How was your shower?”

“It was a shower, it was fine.”

“Okay,” he says after a beat.

“I’ll try to be quiet when I leave for yoga. You can keep the light on if you’re not going to sleep right now.”

Up until you said that, Jungkook was tired, but he stays up until your breathing slows and deepens with sleep. It’s drastically different from the way your breath hitched loudly in the shower. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, he just wanted some water before bed. But there was something almost musical about the sounds of your choked off moans as you tried to be quiet in the bathroom. He’s proud to say that he didn’t linger once he realized what was going on. He went straight back to his room when his dick twitched in his pants.

Now that you’re asleep, he ventures out the clean himself up before returning. You’ve stolen his pillow to clutch over your face by the time he’s come back. Your pillow from home is still wedged safely under your head and he doesn’t want to wake you. He’s left with no other option than to rest his head on your stomach. If he doesn’t, he won’t sleep at all without a pillow and that’s no good. This is clearly the only solution. Clearly.

When you wake up the next morning 5 minutes before your alarm because you can’t breathe because there’s a giant weight on your chest. The weight is actually Jungkook and you’re not sure what to do.

Apparently, you spend 5 minutes not sure what to do because your alarm starts, waking Jungkook with more confidence than you ever could. You watch with fascination as his eyes open slowly, and wriggling out from under you to wipe at the corners. He turns, resting his chin near your belly button and blinks sleepily at you, gears turning slowly before registering where he is and what he’s doing. You chance a small smile at him.

“Morning.”

“Good morning,” he says. His stare is intense and you wonder if maybe you look haggard or messy.

“What is it?”

He doesn’t respond and instead inches forward with a look of determination. When he’s an inch in front of your face you realize what he’s doing, but its too late to complain about morning breath or being late to Saturday morning yoga.

It’s not long before he’s licking into your mouth slowly, giving you a chance to pull back, change the pace, tweak something. But there’s nothing to change. It doesn’t taste great but it feels amazing and your hands reach up to pull him down onto you without a thought. He groans and tentatively rubs his thumb over the swell of your breast that peeks through the side of your sleeveless sleep tank.

You miss yoga.

#bangtan bookclub #networkbangtan #btssmutclub #bttnetwork #btswriters #bangtan fanfic #bangtan imagines #bangtan scenario #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts smut #bts imagines #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenario

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instantenemyphantom · 4 years

Text

The Crazy Secret YouTuber Life!

Hello, my name is Holly and I’m a famous youtuber and my mum takes advantage of it. She uses the money I make, and she spends it on herself. She goes on crazy fun and relaxing vacations without me and she buys herself the most expensive clothes and buys me nothing because she says that she deserves it and I don’t. I don’t know what to do anymore she is out of control of her money spending and she shouts at me if I don’t make ‘her more money’. Little does she know it will soon be my birthday and I will be moving out of her awful house and beginning my life and my life how I want to live it.

“Wake up brat!” My mum yells at me from the doorway but I didn’t respond to her I just got up and had a shower and got in my school clothes and rushed out of the house as fast as I could before my mum shouts at me again.

This is one of my ‘normal’ days I get shouted at by my mum and then I rush get ready and get out of the house as fast as I can possibly can before she starts shouting again, and then I catch the school bus to school and have a great time there. Oh, and did I mention that I must hide my identity so then no one knows it’s me. I just don’t want all the attention on me when I’m walking around in real life.

“Girl where have you been.” My friend shouts to me from the gate.

“Sorry Katie I got up kind of later than usual.” I tell her.

“That is why I tell you to put an alarm on.” Katie tells me as I walk up to her.

“I know. I know. I’ve just been busy that’s all.” I nervously say and she looks at me confused but she lets it slide.

“Well are we going to stand her or are we going inside?” A teacher came up to us and asked us.

“We are going to go inside.” We both told her.

We walked on inside the building with smiles on our faces and we than knew today was going to be a good day. But we did have to split for form, but we had most classes together, so we said she you in a bit and we went to form.

Form is one of the most boring-est of places you could be for the first fifteen freaking minutes of the day. Anyhow after that me and my best friend look at each other from across the hub with a grin which makes us talk and laugh about how we need to stop doing it, but we do it anyway.

Our first period is English, and we have one of the strictest teachers and I mean it she's the strictest teacher in the school she’s worst then those parents in that one T.V. Show where they send misbehaved children to strict families that have strict rules. I think it’s called world’s strictest parent I’m pretty sure.

“Okay you all need to listen up!” Said Mrs Cranberry there was silence in the room because when everyone came into her classroom there was just silence no talking, no laughter or even any whispering, “As you all know school will be ending for an Easter Holiday soon but that does not stop you doing any work. Now if we get all the work done in these next two weeks, I won’t send any homework for you guys to do over the Holiday.”

Everyone was cheering and was so happy this is the first time Mrs Cranberry is being generous about not sending any work home for us to do over the week.

“Alright I get that you are all every happy and excited but let's get some work done before I change my mind.” Mrs Cranberry said in a bubbly voice.

Of course, we did what miss said because well as I was saying before she has never been this generous to not send work out over the Holidays. Just last Christmas she gave us a stack of paper to work on and I mean a stack she gave us two tests three books and told us to write a book review on all the books. P.s. I learned nothing in that class I don’t think any of us did we had no homework for a week on our minds. But that does not stop us from having homework right now, she gave us homework and said we must give it in next Tuesday.

(BELL GOES)

Our next lesson was Science which I hate the most, not because all the lessons are bad, but I have to sit to this kid that make fun of me every time I go to sit next him. One thing he said was look its Holly the freak that doesn’t shower. For the record I do shower it’s him that doesn’t shower, and I out found out that he is saying all this is because he is going through a hard time at home. I didn’t want to know the details his mate was going to tell me, so I walked off. At least I know why he is doing this to me, but at least I learn somethings in this class such as... I can’t think of anything on the top of my head to be quite honest with you.

(BELL GOES)

Finally break time, this is the best time of the day so is lunch time, but I now get to see the rest of my friends and talk to them for the fifteen minutes of this break and then I will have Maths.

“Hey, it’s Holly and Katie.” One of my friends told the group.

“Hi Rio.” Katie goes up to go and hug him.

“HI Holly.” My friend hugs me.

“Hi Vivian.” I said.

We said hi to the rest of the group and we talked for the remaining time of break and then the bell went, and we split up except for me and Katie because we had the same lesson just in different rooms in the hub.

“If you can all line up at the back of the room and place your homework on the front desk when you go in.” Said Mr Dunn.

Great another seating plan. I wish teachers can just put students in one place for each year and leave them and don’t move them. But no Mr Dunn has to move us nearly every lesson and everyone makes such a big deal about it and we never get any work done.

“Alright everyone we are going to be having another seating plan.” Mr Dunn told us, and everyone groaned in disappointment at him. “Guys. Guys this is going to be the last time you have to move places I swear.”

Yeah, we’ve heard that before I thought to myself.

After placing us in the seats everyone started to act up and we barely learnt anything. We did the DO NOW and then we didn’t do any of the work. Oh well I don’t really like Maths that much anyways.

(BELL GOES)

History time. History is quite good I like to learn about what happened in the past like Abraham Lincoln and his son, and King Henry the III and his six wives.

“Good morning.” Said Mr Rise.

“Good morning.” We all said back.

“Ok. Today we are going to be learning about the world War II.” Mr Rise told us with excitement and then everyone said that their great granddads were in the World War II.

Mr Rise was telling us all the important facts we must know for the end of unit test, but he was also telling us the facts that we didn’t really need to know but we left sir to tell us because he loved this topic and I mean loved the topic he had so many interesting facts that he was dying to tell us. You could see it in his eyes and face that he was dying. It took him to the end of the lesson explaining all the information that he wanted to tell us and that didn’t give him enough time to explain everything.

When the bell went, he had a sad expression on his face like he wanted to go on with himself about how wonderful the World War was and the “amazing experience was for the men who joined” or whatever that means.

I met up with Vivian on the way down the stairs to head in the canteen to get some lunch and then my name was called to go to reception because apparently, I had an “appointment” with the doctor.

When got their guess who I saw. My mother. She had “sweet face” on and I know what that meant. That face id telling me I’m dead. I guess I forgot to film a YouTube video and know she is mad because she has now run out of money.

“There you are my lovely daughter. I’m here to take you to your doctor’s appointment.” My Mother said in her acting I’m such a nice mother voice.

“I know. I heard on the speaker. But if we are going to the doctors can I have Mcdonalds for lunch?” I asked her with my big round puppy eyes because I knew she couldn’t say no to them.

“Of course, you can. You are my favourite daughter after all.” My mother told me in the voice again.

“Mother, I’m your only daughter.” I told her.

We got in the car and my mother started yelling at me because I haven’t been uploading any videos. She drove me home and told me to get started on the videos so then I can sacrifice my sleep and get her, “her pay check”.

This time I was not going to do that video because tonight I was going to celebrate for my 16th birthday and get started on plans to move out. Well move away from my mothers. Tonight, I’m going to run away I already said goodbye to my friends and now I’m going to my father's which I have his permission to live there by the way.

I’m so excited to finally see my dad after all these years. I mean the last time I saw my dad was I was six and now after ten years I can go and see him and I’m just so happy yet nervous what if he takes advantage of me being a famous YouTuber?

Anyway, I have to put up with my mother for one more week because exams start tomorrow and I need to revise for them and the good thing is if I can get my notes on paper I can sneak out early in the morning to avoid my mother and read them until school starts, and then I will have tons of information in my brain and then will be able to hopefully get very answer right. I’ve told school to send my results to my fathers and not my mother’s house because I was going to be moving in with my father after the exams so then I don’t have to travel as far.

I met up with my friends at the gate and said, “Are you guys ready for the exams?”

“NO! I forgot to revise for them. I’m going to fail.” Katie shouted at me, “Oh can I borrow your notes?”

“Of course, you can.” I handed my notes to Katie, “What about you Vivian?”

“I’m all set I spent all after school to revise, I swear these exams just came out of nowhere I thought we had all the time in the world.” Vivian said.

“Unfortunately, we don’t have all the time in the world. Now are we going inside?” Asked a teacher.

We walked into the building and went to the winter gardens and we waited for our form tutors and year leader to arrive to explain what was going on with our exams and yes, we are going to do them this week hopefully.

“Ok! Year Eleven can I have your attention please.” Said Mr Solano, “Ok today are your exams and you will be doing one paper today and you may leave after if you don’t want to stick around. Well I wish you all good luck went you to where you are being assessed please stay quite when you enter the room and then the rules will be told to you when you sit in your seat and you will be given you tests. Good luck to all of you.”

That was a big speech from Mr Solano. The first one since our first day here. You could see that he was going to cry, and we all knew he was going to miss us, and we were going to miss him and sometimes I wish we didn’t have to leave our teachers but it has been five long years and now we have to move onto do other things. It must feel like a bird leaving the nest, I guess that is what we are doing. Are we?

I was doing my test in the Sports hall because that’s where everyone did their GTECs. Some of the questions where easy well most of them where easy there were a few that I didn’t quite get but I just took a guess and I was praying in my head to hope that got them right. When it was time to stop and leave, I grabbed my phone from the box, and I rushed home after saying bye to my friends and the teachers to continue my packing for my dad's.

I got home and I ran out of breath and when I saw that my mother wasn’t in I made another mad dash to my room and made a short video and posted it and then I pack somethings so then my mum wouldn’t see that all my things were gone and I then I tried to act normal so then when my mother got in she wouldn’t suspect a thing.

And then though out the week I kept this up until my mother realised that I wasn’t posting YouTube videos again and she went in my room to investigate what I was doing instead of making videos. She found my bag under my bed pack with nearly all my clothes and when I got how she had put everything back and she went on a ram page at me she we was screaming and shouting at me like “Where are you going to go. And who are going to stay with. I have done everything for you.”

I may have shouted back at her not because of her shouting at me for where am I going to go, I shouted at her that I was not going to come back and that I never planned on doing because of the way that she was treating me.

I told her, “Did you even love me? You say that you do and that you always will but then you take advantage of my channel and the money that I’m making off of it and that is not fair. Because you never spend any money on me, and you were so blind with all the money that you forgot my birthday. And that is just not fair. So, mother I’m leaving and I’m never going to come back. Especially if you are going to keep treating me like this.” Tears were coming my face and I saw that my mother was also crying.

“I am so sorry that you feel that way but.” She broke character, “I never even care about you and if you do find yourself running away just know that I will find you and I will make you make money for me.”

She walked out of my room and when she closed the door, I knew that was it I texted my dad that I was coming a day earlier then we planned, and I rushed to pack my everything that was put away and everything that was never in my bags in the first place, then I jumped out of my window and ran to the nearest train station and got a train to where me and my father agreed to meet and after what felt like hours we saw each other for the first time in years.

I ran up to my dad and I fell into his arms and we sat on the floor hugging for about ten minutes and then I told him that my mother might be looking for me because she said that she would and so then we hopped into his car and we drove to his house where we were safe. He demanded me to tell him what was going on between me and my mother.

“I’m a big YouTuber and mother was taking advantage of how much money I was making for it.” I told him.

“Wow. Okay. You really made a YouTube channel?” My dad asked.

“Yeah dad. And now I don’t know what I’m going to do because she is going to keep looking for me.” I said with tears forming in my eyes.

“Hey don’t cry. You don’t have to worry about her because I’m always going to fight for you like I was doing from the start.” He told me while hugging me.

He was determined to give me a new life. He introduced me to his wife Hailey and his twin girls Lily and Dana. After a week of living there I felt like I belonged there and that I have a purpose in this family. My family. And I heard on the new that my mother was put in prison for hording drugs. I love this family and I love living with them and now we have a YouTube channel together and I couldn’t be happier.

THE END.

#shortstory

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sangria-sheeran · 5 years

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The Calm—Chapter 3

Hi remember me? I used to write this story but then school got super crazy and I didn’t have time, but I really love it and want to keep writing. Here’s the next chapter! I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

“How do you always manage to get yourself into these crazy situations, Cass,” my best friend Lexi rolls her eyes.

We’re sitting in the back of an Uber weaving through traffic. I told her about what happened with Ed, and she agreed to come with me. It’s a little past eight. My mom wasn’t even home from work yet so she has no idea I’m gone—but it’s not like she’ll care anyway.

“What do you mean?” I question her. “This kind of shit never happens to me.”

I’m looking out the window. Traffic is relatively heavy compared to most nights. Is it because of the show? Is this guy a big deal? When I got up to my room above the bar that night I googled him, and I’ve heard a few of his songs—and liked them—but I didn’t know how famous he was.

“Oh yeah right,” she responds. “It’s usually not this extravagant but still.”

I shake my head. I’ve known Lexi for the last few years. She’s a year older than me, graduated from high school last year and is enrolled in a local community college, but understands me more than anymore else. We’ve done some stupid stuff together—that both her and I insinuated—so there is no one else I’d want to go to this show with me. Both of us are dressed casually. I have on black jeans and a band t-shirt and she’s wearing a skirt and sweater. My long brunette hair is in its natural waves. The car gets off the freeway, meaning that we’re getting close. My heartbeat picks up and I don’t know why.

“I don’t know how close I’m going to get you,” our Uber driver says from the front seat.

“Okay,” I turn to face her. “If you tell me you’re uncomfortable, we leave, no questions asked. But that also goes for if I tell you it’s weird, okay?”

“Of course,” she assures me. “Just tell me the word and we’ll run out of there.”

I smile.

A few minutes later the car halts.

“I’m sorry, it’s all backed up so this is as close as I can get,” the driver announces.

“This is perfect,” I tell him. “Thank you so much.”

We both slide out of the Honda out my side and make our way down the pavement. It’s freezing! February in Michigan is the worst, in the thick of winter, and there is snow and ice everywhere.

“I think it’s up there,” Lexi points a few blocks ahead of us at a large crowd all making their way through a few sets of doors.

I gulp. Shit, there are a lot of people here. We slowly make our way up the street through throngs of excited teenage girls and I stop in line in front of the box office. There’s a couple in front of us, with the girl bouncing on her heels and guy looking like he needs a drink or two to get through the next few hours. I bounce on my heels nervously as time keeps going by. What are his intentions? I tried to make it clear to him last night that I wanted this to be a strictly professional relationship that may grow into a friendship, but that’s it. Right now I want to focus on music—on doing as well as I can on my own to be able to be completely independent. He seems like a nice guy, I’m sure he’ll get it.

“Next in line,” the woman in the ticket office announces, looking like this job has drained the life out of her.

“Hi, umm, I was told to come here to pick up tickets,” I stutter, looking down at my hands.

She huffs. “Name and ID please,” she retorts.

I hand over my ID and feel my toes wiggling in my shoes. I don’t know why I’m nervous.

The woman reaches behind her and grabs two passes from a box behind her without even taking her eyes off the computer in front of her.

“These are for you, it says that you have all-access,” she slides two laminated passes through the small opening at the bottom of the window. “My colleague over here can take you backstage.” She motions to a man standing by the side of the box office with an earpiece in.

My eyes widen briefly. He arranged to have us brought backstage? I thought we were just going to be in the back and then maybe meet up later. I mean he did make me promise to let him buy me a drink; maybe he’s just making sure I keep up my end.

I gulp and thank her, taking the passes and handing one to Lexi.

“No shit!” She exclaims when she sees the pass. “Is this real?”

“Come on, let’s see what they’re up to,” I motion toward the security guard and show him my pass. He nods and then leads us through a side door into the venue.

There are people everywhere—and not just teenage girls like I expected—there are couples, old people, kids, parents with children, everyone. People from every walk of life have all gathered here, and that’s beautiful. The guard finally stops when we make it to a door with the word restricted on it.

“Have a good night,” he bids us farewell and turns back toward the crowd, quickly disappearing in all the hustle and bustle.

Lexi beams at me. “This is crazy! Come on!” Then she tugs the door open.

We’re met by the sound of music blaring from a speaker at the end of the hallway. I know this song, but I don’t know the name of it, and for some reason, it takes me back to childhood. As we make our way down the hall, a wave of recognition comes over me; it’s “Without Me” by Eminem.

I don’t know how I excepted to find Ed that night, but then this definitely wasn’t what I was expecting. Usually when you hear about musicians, they have girls and drinks and drugs everywhere, but no, when I walked into the room that was the source of the music, I saw Ed and another guy with dark hair rapping the lyrics at each other at the top of their lungs doing elaborate hand motions that I’m sure made them think they look cool. I look over at Lexi and she’s smirking, looking extremely amused.

The dark-haired guy notices us and pats Ed on the shoulder. “You got guests?” He says and reaches over to pause the music.

Ed whips around and a smile comes on his face when he sees me.

“You made it! I didn’t know if you’d actually come!” He smiles and pulls me into a quick hug. “This is my cousin, Murray, he films stuff for me. Not like that, like tour diaries and shit. Murray, this is Cassidy, the girl I told you about.”

“I like that,” Ed glances between both of us, a grin on his face.

“Way to go, mate, making me sound like a dodgy porn producer,” Murray holds out a hand for me to shake and I laugh. I already like this guy.

“This is my friend Lexi,” I gesture to Lexi and she waves.

“Ah so you’re the one that’s here to make sure I don’t pull any stupid shit,” Ed smirks. “You also have to make sure your friend holds up her end of the promise.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve put her in her place before,” Lexi responds.

The moment is interrupted by a tall man tapping on the open door to my right.

“We’ll talk after the show, alright,” Ed nods at me and walks toward the guy who’s holding a guitar.

I smile, and then he’s off down the hallway.

I sink back into the leather couch and let out a sigh of relief. Finally I’m sitting. Lexi and I watched Ed’s set from the side of the stage with Murray and all three of us danced our asses off. I don’t know if I was supposed to act cool or like I didn’t care about being here, but it was an insane experience and I wasn’t going to waste it by being self-conscious. Every once in awhile Ed would glance over at us and giggle, probably laughing at how uncoordinated we all were; I’m sure the crew probably thought we were drunk. But now I’m sat in one of the rooms backstage with about twenty other people all talking. Ed said he had to shower real quick after coming off stage, but told me to wait for him here with everyone else. Music was playing from the speaker they were using earlier (Eminem still), and there is a buzz in the air from all the talking. Lexi was having a great time, chatting with one of his opening acts about some obscure show they both watched and I was just content to be on my own for a second. I didn’t realize how zoned out I was until Ed interrupted my thoughts.

“You alright? You look a bit out of it?” He asked, handing an opened beer to me and then raising the one in his other hand to his lips.

“Yeah, sorry,” I blush.

He sits down next to me and faces me.

“‘right, tell me about you,” he says.

I take a swig of my beer. God! Why do people drink this? It tastes like carbonated pee. I cough slightly.

“This is a two-wave street; the only thing I know about you is that you’re on tour and you have a terrible taste in alcohol,” I retort.

“Hey!” He laughs. “I think this is a local beer.”

“Doesn’t make it suck any less.”

He grabs my drink from my hand and walks over to the corner of the room, returning a few minutes later with a red solo cup. I take a sip and smile: vodka tonic.

“Alright, well,” he tucks his leg under him. “My name is Ed, I’m twenty-one, and I don’t know whether or not to be happy or offended that you didn’t google me before coming here.”

I shrug.

“Your turn then,” he takes a sip of his beer.

“My name is Cassidy, I’m eighteen, and I write songs and absolutely hate singing them in front of people.”

“Wait really? Then why were you performing at a pub?”

“Because right now no one will sing my songs except me.”

“Fair enough. Have you always wanted to go into music?”

I pause. I honestly don’t know the answer to that. I’ve always liked music, but I was never told I could make a career out of it.

“I think so,” I gulp. I don’t know to get into this with him. “What about you?”

“Yeah, I was quite shit at school so I always knew that I had to do something in the arts, then I started playing guitar and it all kind of clicked. I really liked those songs you played last night.”

“Thanks! I literally wrote ‘Latch’ in math class the day before,” I pause, smiling to myself, “I guess there’s a reason why I failed my test today.”

“I personally think it’s worth it.”

I shift in my seat and the song changes and another Eminem song comes on.

“Jesus, I get it that you’re in Detroit but this is so much Eminem,” I laugh and take a big sip, feeling the faint burn of the liquor.

“I’ll have you know that Eminem was an integral part of my childhood,” he smirks.

I laugh.

“No seriously, my dad bought me The Marshall Mathers LP when I was eleven because my uncle is a legend and said that Eminem was the next Bob Dylan because he heard ‘Stan’ on the radio. It massively helped my street-cred: I was walking around with these huge glasses, ginger hair, and mumbling bitch I’mma kill you.”

I throw my head back and laugh, just picturing the ridiculousness of all of that.

“Aww, I would have been your friend,” I pout.

“You say that now.”

“Nah, we would have been a great team. When I was 11, FutureSex/LoveSounds by Justin Timberlake came out and I listened to that religiously...” I trail off. Should I be telling him this? Fuck it. “Basically, one day I was listening to “SexyBack” with my mom and I asked her why Justin wanted to be whipped because that seemed really painful.”

He choks on this drink and looks at me with wide eyes, emitting the same laugh I did a few minutes ago.

“What did she say?” He finally asks.

“She took my CD away. So yeah, we were both really weird kids. I also played piano and wrote poetry, so I was very popular on the playground.”

He grins. “We would have been a good team.”

I throw back the rest of my drink.

“Want another?” He asks and I nod, taking my cup and going over to the same corner where I’m assuming all the liquor is.

Lexi catches my eye and raises her eyebrows. I give her a small nod; this has been fun so far. Ed comes back a few moments later with my drink and a solo cup of his own.

“So I do actually have a serious question for you,” he sits back down.

I nod and take a sip.

“Basically, one of my support acts has a family emergency and has to fly back to Ireland at the end of the week. My team and I have been stressing about not having two support acts because that’s what we advertised when the tickets went up, but when I saw you play last night it kind of clicked. Now I know you said you don’t have performing, but this is a way to get your songs out there and lead to other things, but I completely understand if you don’t want to do it.”

“When would you need me to start? And where would I have to go? And for how long?”

“If you could on Monday in St. Paul. We’re going on this leg until the 17th of February but then we’re going to Australia after that but you don’t have to commit to that if you don’t want to.”

I look down at my hands. This is an amazing opportunity, and I have been wanting to leave the house for a while. But then again, I’ve never properly been on my own. I don’t have any money, any contacts. Sure my parents weren’t around much when I was younger so I’m not worried about taking care of myself, but they would always leave me money for food and other expenses. This truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“Fuck it I’m in,” I respond.

“Wait are you serious?” He smiles, looking genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, why not? I hate what I’m doing right now and that seems really cool, I’m in.”

“I honestly didn’t expect you to decide so quickly considering the vetting you gave me last night.”

“You said you’re a fellow weird kid; weird kids look out for each other.”

He raises his cup toward me.

“Well cheers to that, and welcome aboard.”

#ed sheeran fanfiction #ed sheeran

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