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ace-attorney-prison · 1 year

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i love ur blog can i get some april may hcs/analysis/etc :DD

YES absolutely, I love her!!

(Sorry this blog is kinda slow right now, between college and moving houses I've been pretty busy, but I love receiving asks and I'll always get around to answering! I love these characters <3)

I imagined that April May grew up in a kinda toxic household. She has lots of siblings, and her mom was emotionally absent a lot, frequently stressed and snippy. Imposing her own internalized issues onto her daughters. Plenty of in-fighting and meaningless competition among her siblings. Weird toxic relatives over at random times.

She grew up lower-class, but her mom wanted to project the image of being higher class, so the family would have a lot of furniture and clothes etc that are faux expensive.

April dealt with some typical Mean Girl-esque drama in high school, and plenty of misogyny. Expressing her anger would only ever lead to worse treatment (in whatever environment she was in), while acting cutesy and flirtatious would make things easier, even if she had to swallow her venom while doing so each time.

To get a sense of control & and have outlet for her anger (albeit an unhealthy one), she started finding ways to gather intel on people. Found ways to get back at them without anyone knowing it was her. Anonymously blackmailed some people, posted people's secrets in public areas, stuff like that.

While trying to find even more dirt on the people around her, she ended up finding Bluecorp. Redd White took an interest in her- both because of her abilities and her appearance. She ended up working for him, because he had an interest in her and it seemed like a solid investment.

But he had way more unethical ways of going about things than she was comfortable with. She didn't want to be involved in the level of blackmail and violence he engaged in, but she became terrified of him, and couldn't really leave. And of course, he didn't treat her well.

So... that's the backstory.

I also think a whole lot about post-canon, when everyone is in prison together. In this post-canon stage, while there's a lot of drama that happens, I like kind of... nudging most of the characters in a positive direction.

So while prison isn't great, I wanted to make it a lot less terrible than most IRL prisons. Somewhere the characters have a chance to exist for a while in a semi-neutral environment where they're not dealing with their usual circumstances, y'know? (I DO have a section of the prison that's pretty bad, but that's a topic for a different post.)

April May has a lot of time to just... be away from things for a while. She still gets in spats with inmates sometimes, but the environment is a lot different, and there's a lot of time where she can just slowly unpack things. She's able to earn some money through her prison job, and buy a few things here and there, and has the space to get into her own hobbies a little more. (Again, wanted to make the environment better than most IRL prisons ^^;)

She eventually ends up cellmates with Mimi Miney. (Mimi gets a crush on her, April doesn't notice, April's a lesbian but still thinks she's straight, Mimi is eventually like 'okay welp' and responds to Calisto's interest in her instead, April gets jealous, Mimi is confused and annoyed, yada yada.....)

As the years go on, April starts to shift her focus. She actively works towards releasing some of the anger and trauma, lets herself be softer - but in a very VERY different way than she used to display in her outwards persona.

The anger used to be repressed and hidden, replaced by a Socially Acceptable UwU front. For the sake of having to conform to men's standards for her for survival.

The anger isn't repressed anymore. She isn't swallowing her venom anymore. Isn't compromising her safety and comfort anymore. Instead, she's able to release it more as she asserts her boundaries in the moment, and has someone (Mimi) she can vent and process with. She finds a genuine softness, for her own sake and no one else's, that she embraces with safe people in safe environments, instead of having to put out a false UwU persona for survival. Has the space to focus more on what makes her happy, what she's passionate about.

(Here's a fic I wrote with her in it - Mimi's POV - that shows her and Mimi interacting after she's been in prison for several years.)

Since April didn't kill anyone, but they DID most certainly find additional charges against her after investigating into Bluecorp, I imagine that she's in prison for about 6 years. Afterwards, I like the idea of her being hired by a company with friendly / familiar faces, where she can decorate professionally.

#April May

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bumblesimagines · 3 years

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Green Thumb

Part 3

Request: Yes or No

You watched with slightly furrowed brows as Nick Fury walked into the kitchen, glancing at Lila when she pulled another crayon out of the box. You smiled softly at her butterfly drawing.

"That's great, Lila." You told her gently, earning a proud smile from the younger girl. She finished drawing, standing up and walking over to Natasha to show her. You picked up the crayons laying on the ground, sliding them back in the box. You looked over at Clint and his family as Fury talked about Ultron, a small sigh escaping you. You weren't expecting this to be so complicated. Then again, it was the Avengers. Everything was complicated with them.

"I contacted our friends at the Nexus about that." You blinked, zoning back in. Steve looked at Fury with a small frown.

"Nexus?"

"Every bit of data flows through there. It's located in Oslo." Bruce explained, pushing up his glasses with his index finger. Clint gently picked up a dart, inspecting it.

"So, what'd they say?" He asked, watching Tony collect the darts from the board. You looked at Lila when she sat beside you on the couch, pointing to her hair before facing away from you. You shifted towards her, beginning to gently braid her hair.

"He's fixated on the missiles but the codes are constantly being changed." Fury told them as he made himself a snack. Trying to stop a murderous robot with daddy issues from ending the world definitely hadn't been on your bucket list but then again, joining a family hadn't been on it either.

"By whom?" Tony asked, a dart flying by his face and hitting bullseye. You almost chuckled at the cheeky grin on Clint's face.

"We got an ally?"

"Ultrons got an enemy. That's not the same thing." Fury corrected Natasha, eating a small slice of cheese. You finished braiding Lila's hair, glancing at Laura.

"His mission.. Is mass destruction. Everything here will be laid in a grave." Fury looked between the Avengers. You frowned, making eye contact with Clint. His biggest fear was losing his family. The last thing you wanted was losing the Bartons.

"So, stand. Outwit the platinum bastard."

"Steve doesn't like that kind of talk." Natasha said softly, gaze locking onto the soldier. Steve's brows raised, an exasperated breath leaving him.

"You know what, Romanoff.." He trailed off as Natasha shot him a playful smile. Laura took a seat behind you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"You can stay here. You don't have to go with them to stop this.. Robot." Laura said quietly, giving your shoulder a squeeze. You ran your fingers over Lila's braid, shaking your head.

"It's fine, I promise. I'll make sure to come back in one piece." You assured her with a small smile.

"Has anyone been in contact with Helen Cho?" You looked forward at the mention of the scientists' name. You remembered her curiosity at your bracelets. A frown stretched across your face. She shouldn't have been left alone, especially when she had been there when Ultron first attacked.

"We need to get going." Steve called, glancing back at you. Everyone went off to change into their hero outfits.

"Hey, (Y/N), I got something for you." Clint said, motioning for you to follow him. You stood up, walking towards him and entering the room. Clint gave you a small grin, showing you the outfit. It was similar to his but with long sleeves. You smiled, running your fingers over it.

"I wouldn't want you getting shot so it's bulletproof and works in all types of weather. From now on, you are an Avenger."

"But.. I haven't finished-"

"You know what you need to work on and you'll continue to train." Clint smiled proudly, placing a hand on your shoulder. "I've always believed in you."

"Thank you.." You whispered. Clint nodded, leaving the room so you could change. It was comfortable and flexible so you'd be able to move without difficulty. You felt a rush of excitement shoot through you. You were officially an Avenger. Well, in Clint's eyes anyway. You'd have to check in with Tony and Steve to confirm it. You stepped out of the room, hearing Laura coo. She looked you over, smiling.

"Oh, if you were in high school, this is probably how it'd feel like during prom night." She breathed out, giggling softly.

"Now, you two better return in one piece, alright?" Laura shot you and Clint a look. You gave her a nod.

"Yes, ma'am." Clint responded, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Laura gave you both a tight, lingering hug before releasing you with watery eyes.

"We'll be back before you know it." Clint assured her, getting an unconvinced nod in return. You exited the house, heading towards the aircraft.

"Liking the new look, (L/N)." Natasha said, smiling widely as she walked beside you. You chuckled, glancing down at the outfit. You entered the aircraft, taking a seat.

"We'll drop Tony off in Oslo while we check on Dr. Cho. Stay alert and stay ready." Steve said, looking you over briefly. A small smile appeared on his face before he looked towards the front. Tony was dropped off at Nexus, the others heading off to Japan. You hoped you'd be able to stay longer than a few minutes next time. Norway seemed like a nice place to relax at. Steve was dropped off by the building while you remained with Natasha and Clint in the aircraft. You could hear everything Steve said and heard through the earpiece. You frowned upon hearing Dr. Cho's breathy voice.

"He's uploading himself into the body."

"Where?"

"The real power... Is inside the cradle. The gem.. It's power is uncontainable. You can just blow it up. You have to get the cradle to Stark."

"First I've got to find it. You guys copy that?" Steve asked. You stood beside Clint, looking over the busy city below. So many people unaware of the thing threatening them.

"We did."

"We've got a private jet taking off across town." Natasha said. "No manifest. That could be him." Your gaze darted from cars to people, anything moving that could be suspicious.

"There's a truck from the lab." Clint called. "Right above you, Cap. On the loop on the bridge."

"It's them." You swallowed, gripping the seat. You watched as Steve jumped onto the roof of the truck, reaching the back and being blown to the side. Clint drove through the city, catching the citizen's attention.

"Think you could help from up here?" Clint asked, glancing at you.

"I've never done this while moving." You reminded him, raising your hand. Cities provided little nature, apart from fake plants and small spots to make it pretty. You noticed some trees but they were by the sidewalk and the road. Clint lowered himself closer to the ground so Natasha could drop down on a motorcycle. Clint helped direct Natasha to the truck. You winced when Steve was thrown back onto a car, the cars beginning to topple over and crash.

"Who's gonna pay for their injuries?" You asked softly.

"Stark will handle anything their insurance doesn't cover." Clint replied, moving in front of the truck and shooting at Ultron. It had no impact on him, simply annoying him further. Three robots left the back of the truck, flying up. You felt your fingers tingle, raising your hand and causing a branch from a nearby tree to shoot out and go through the head of one if the robots, effectively stopping it.

"Take a seat and buckle in." Clint called. You quickly sat down, not in the mood to be thrown around the craft. You buckled in, sighing softly as your stomach did twists. You'd prefer land over air any time but it felt safer to be with Clint. You shut your eyes as the aircraft spun, probably shaking off the robots. Clint successfully got the robots off him so he turned, heading back towards the city.

"You okay?" Clint glanced back at you with a frown. You nodded, not trusting yourself not to vomit. Clint chuckled softly.

"You'll get used to it." Clint looked forward. You unbuckled your seat, getting up and walking back towards Clint. You rubbed your aching head, brows furrowing.

"Is that-"

"A flying truck? Yeah. Not the craziest thing you'll see."

"I can control plants, Clint. I'd say that's pretty tame." A laugh left Clint as he followed the truck.

"Got a clear shot. Want me to take it?"

"Negative, I'm still in the truck." Natasha replied. Clint blinked.

"The hell you doing in there?" He asked, following the truck from a safe distance.

"Just get ready to receive the package." Natasha told him. Clint turned the aircraft around, opening the back. You turned your head, noticing Natasha cutting the straps that kept the cradle in place and pushing it forward. She exited the truck as it exploded, the cradle getting inside but she was dragged out.

"Nat!"

"I can't see her and it's to high up for me to do anything." You said, looking at through the windows. Steve ordered Clint to go back to the tower but Clint would never leave his best friend behind.

"Clint, it's Nat. She'll be fine. If anything, she'll be the one rescuing us when we find her." You told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Clint swallowed, hesitating before following orders.

"She'll be okay." You assured softly. You looked back at the cradle, cautiously approaching it.

"Don't touch it-"

"Too late." You mumbled, fingers running over it. Your brows furrowed, looking over the body inside. It didn't look human. Not even close to one.

"What the hell is this?" You frowned, gaze drifting to the crystal. The one Dr. Cho said was uncontainable.

"I always thought I was magic." You said, looking up at Clint with a small smile. You hoped you could ease his mind or get him to become less anxious. You sighed, looking back down at the body before continuing.

"But then I found out I was everything but that."

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #never any easy questions on this blog huh? lol

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bruhstories · 3 years

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Vogel und Jäger

- PART THREE

Summary: You had your first show at Zeke's club, but things begin to complicate. Pairing: Zeke Jeager x Fem!Reader Warnings & Content: language, Floch is a creep Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: as always, make sure to read parts one and two to understand just what the hell is happening. the songs reader is singing in this chapter are flickers and easy by son lux, which i've linked down below if you wanna listen to it as you read

For five long days you switched between training with Mikasa and practising with the band. The deadly assassin made you work hard, teaching you various techniques of martial arts, as well as how to load and unload guns, how to aim, how to use knives and even how to use crossbows. You were no match to anyone else in the family, getting your ass kicked even by Armin, the bookkeeper, but you were not going to give up. Your will to survive fuelled you. What you weren’t expecting in those five days was to get to know Mikasa and Armin, and realise that they were just as normal as you were — with the added benefit of being properly trained in marksmanship and combat. And they were surprisingly nice to you, but there was a hint of reluctance in their actions and words.

Friday night you had your first show and you found yourself in the backstage, a knot in your throat as you did your makeup. The idea of Yelena blowing your brains out was a lot more pleasant than having to perform in front of so many people. Posters had been put up all over Paradis City announcing your first show at Wings Club, and you knew lots of undercover policemen would be there, perhaps even undercover Marleyans. But for some odd reason, you wanted to please Zeke, make him proud of sparing your pathetic life. Onyankopon told you to be ready in five minutes, and your heart sank, wiping your sweaty palms on the crimson dress.

"You'll do fine." He told you, but you had a bad feeling. There were guards everywhere, so you felt somewhat safe, but stage fright settled in your heart, and you couldn't even reply anything back. All you did was remain stuck in a trance.

The band was ready, the microphone was on, and you waited for the curtain to rise. Someone announced your performance, and the violinist began playing the notes of the first song as the spectators waited eagerly. There were no original songs, only jazz covers, and you felt every single pair of irises burning into your skin. You closed your eyes, imagining no one was there but you and the band, everyone else disappeared.

"And with my opened mouth I join the singing light..."

There was no turning back now. You'd done it. The spotlight was on you and you alone. Soon the pianist joined, and you felt a bit more confident.

"I can see the flickers, over me the lantern raised... Lift me up, lift me over it. Show me what you're hiding, take me out into the sea... Lift me up, lift me over it."

Somewhere upstairs, Zeke was watching over you, door wide open to hear your beautiful voice hypnotising every man and woman in the club. Indeed, he made the right choice.

"And with my opened mouth I join the singing light..."

You were in a trance. Nothing mattered anymore but the music, the vibrations, the thrill of the show. It was giving you a sense of importance and belonging, and in that moment, you knew it — you were thriving off of the attention, the way no one dared to move while you sang. You captivated the spectators with your voice, you captivated Zeke with your voice.

"I can see the flickers, over me the lantern raised... Lift me up, lift me over it. Show me what you're hiding, take me out into the sea... Lift me up, lift me over it."

You finally opened your eyes, drinking in the way everyone was silent, the only sound resonating being the final notes from the musical instruments. The next songs came so much easier to you, some were more upbeat and you stopped being stiff, your hands moving up and down the microphone pole, hips swaying, head tilting. You ended your performance with another emotional song, and even you had goosebumps on your skin as you began to sing.

"Easy... easy... pull out your heart to make the being alone easy. Easy... pull out your heart to make the being alone easy. Easy..."

You saw them, the two cops from the files. They were watching you like hawks, sending chills down your spine. But you were a distraction, so you looked them in the eye, a smile on your plump lips.

"Easy, easy... You break the bridle to make losing control easy, easy... Crushed what you're holding so you can say letting go is easy, easy..."

The song was coming to an end. You wrapped your arms around yourself to emphasise the emotions you were so gently transmitting, voice echoing in the club.

"Oh, easy, easy... Burn all your things to make the fight to forget easy, oh, easy... Burn all your things to make the fight to forget easy, easy..."

You weren't just transmitting an emotion, you were feeling it, too. The song resonated with your life, your struggles, your issues. You were alone most of your life, save for Historia and the children. But now... now you had someone, albeit being forced to work for the mafia. But you weren't alone anymore.

"Easy... easy... pull out your heart to make the being alone easy. Easy... pull out your heart to make the being alone easy. Easy..."

You bowed in front of the crowd as a round of applause replaced your voice and music. It was exhilarating, the adrenaline not wanting to leave your body. You mumbled a soft thank you in the microphone before leaving the stage, tripping on the last step. Onyankopon was waiting for you with a large bouquet of peonies and daffodils, your eyes widening at the beautiful flowers and sweet scent.

"This is for you, miss." He smiled, but his smile was hiding something and you couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.

"Thank you, but you didn't have to!"

"Oh, it's not from me." Onyankopon pursed his lips. There it was. You looked at the card attached to the bouquet — You are as radiating as the sun, but as cold as the moon. E.S. The message was written in perfectly neat calligraphy.

"E.S.? Any idea who that might be?" You tucked the card between the flowers as you walked with the mobster in the dressing room.

"I know exactly who that is." He sighed, eyes narrowing at the bouquet. "Inspector Erwin Smith, chief of police. He handed me the flowers personally."

"Isn't he working for you?" You removed the heavy earrings from your earlobes.

"He is. It appears he likes you." Onyankopon folded his arms across his chest and a man with strawberry-blond hair entered the room, earning disgusted looks from all the half-naked girls there.

"Boss wants to see you." He sneered at you, goosebumps dotting your arms.

"We'll be upstairs soon, Floch."

"No, not you. Just birdie. Chop chop." Floch left the room and you got up. Onyankopon grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks before giving you a concerned gaze.

"Be careful around him. He's... strange."

"I'll keep my guard up." You tried to smile. There were lots of things you didn't know about the men you were working with, so you made a mental note to ask Sasha and Connie about Floch.

"So, I hear you're a prostitute." He bluntly stated, and you flinched at his words. The audacity of this bitch!

"Was." You corrected him. "Besides, it's none of your business."

Your shoulder blades met with a wall and you let out a whimper at the impact. Floch eyed you up and down, his hands holding you in place.

"Everything you do is my business." He sneered, his face leaning closer inch by inch, closing the gap between you. "Ah, you even smell like a whore."

You feel disgusted by that creep, the way he sniffed you twisting your lips into a frown. Onyankopon was right to warn you, and so you slap his face, hard.

"Don't touch me again." You lifted your gown above your ankles and walked up the stairs, with Floch behind you. Fucking pervert.

"Ah, little bird, you've been fantastic!" Zeke greeted you, cigarette between his fingers. "I heard you even received flowers."

"Yes, from Erwin Smith." You nod, eyes on Floch's shit-eating grin.

"Good. I want you to meet with him after your show tomorrow." Your boss smiled and your eyes drifted to the healing wound in your left hand. You knew you caouldn't say no. "I suspect he'll want to recruit you as a double agent."

"Do I accept?"

"Of course, but you'll be telling him exactly what I tell you."

"Understood."

"You may go. Don't forget to take your pay from Armin."

"Yes, sir." You gently bowed your head in respect and left. Floch whispered whoreas you passed him and you gritted your teeth.

"Say, Connie, can I ask you something?" You watched your roommate unbox some bottles of fancy liquor.

"Sure! What's on your mind?" He asked, focused on his task.

"What can you tell me about Floch?"

Connie almost dropped the bottle, his eyes finding yours. "Just that you should stay away from him."

Sasha walked in with what you assumed to be a bag full of drugs and that's when it clicked — they were going to put the drugs in the boxes and ship them. Clever.

"Floch is insane." The brown-eyed girl scrunched her nose. "He's obsessed with Eren and thinks Zeke should step down and let his brother take his place. Why? Did he do anything to you?"

"Yes and no." You proceeded to explain what happened back at the club to your roommates and the look of disgust on their faces only confirmed what you assumed.

So far, you decided to only trust Sasha, Connie and Onyankopon, and hope that Zeke wouldn't give up his title. Otherwise, you'd end up dead in a ditch, and the one who’d put a bullet between your eyes was Floch himself.

tagging @mxhi

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fe-semi-decent-scenarios · 4 years

Note

Hi!! I've just found your blog and really like how you write! If it's no trouble, how would either the blue lions or black eagles react to an s/o that wants to drop out of the academy? Like, would they try to stop them or let them go? (pre-timeskip of course lol)

[Hello and welcome to my blog! Thank you for the compliments, they truly mean the world to me. For this i’ll write for BE considering that I haven’t gotten a request for them in particular recently.You can always tell which characters I write for first because the imagines gradually get longer as I become more invested lol. Hope you like it!]

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR BLACK EAGLE RUN BELOW

Edelgard:

Edelgard would approach the situation cautiously. She will not act until she somehow pries every detail out of you.

“I understand my dear...but may I ask why?” - Will lead you through a roundabout interrogation. If there’s any possibility that you’re being cohered to leave by an external source she will find out

Hubert may receive a mission to do some digging

Her course of action also depends greatly on timing. If this issue suddenly appears around when she plans to invade the monastery then she will let you go with a grain of salt. She does not want to fight you in battle if you decide to side with the church

If she is already certain that you are on her side then she will offer you refuge in Enbarr before the war begins.

Is also very understanding if one of your reasons for dropping out is not wanting to fight your friends and/or develop emotional attachments

Whatever you decide will not change anything. One way or another you’d be leaving Garreg Mache, who is she to call the shots on how?

Dorathea:

“I will not stand to let you go without an explanation” - Please do not let her find out through a secondary source

Seriously.

Dorathea is not the loose girl that people peg her to be. She is kind, headstrong, and will whip your butt if you plan to just up and leave her

Depending on your reasoning she will try to stop you. It’s such an effort to earn a place at the academy, and leaving is truly a waste in her opinion

Might actually drag the professor into the conversation if you don’t convince her fast enough. Yes, she will resort to any tactics necessary

Being away from you might actually break her heart. She knows it’s selfish but if you leave then the chances you’ll ever be together are slim

In the end she’ll give in, saying that she loves you. If you end up staying she’ll be overjoyed

If you leave...well, she won’t change. To the average eye she’s the same person but to those close the fire behind her actions is gone

Find her after garreg mache falls. Please, don’t leave her wondering if you lived

Bernadetta:

She’s at a loss. One of the closest people she has is leaving and she can’t do anything

The only way she finds out is through the professor. There’s a knocking on her door that won’t go away, and on the outside there they stand. They ask her to try and convince you; naturally, she attempts to get out of it

“Me?! Isn’t there someone better you could ask?” Initially she’ll freak out before the realization sets in.

“I can’t do anything...they won’t listen to someone like me”- and with that she’ll hole herself away from everyone. In her mind there won’t be a need for a goodbye if you two don’t meet

Even if you come to her door every day she won’t open it. Instead she’ll cling to her bear stuffie with bated breath until you walk away

Until one day you don’t show

She waits, and waits, and waits, and waits. She waits till the sky is dark yet you still haven’t come

Then she’ll creep out of her room, maybe you fell asleep outside while trying to trick her out? When she sees an empty courtyard her stomach drops

She’ll walk to your room in a haste only to see boxes stacked outside. Her heart shatters

“W-w-wait! P-please, please d-don’t go” - Hear her out and talk. She’s sorry for ignoring you, just don’t leave

Petra:

Her position is one that doesn’t offer much freedom.

Not enough to travel Fodlan, not enough to help her country, and not enough to follow you. If you leave then that’s it. You’re gone

Petra will listen to your argument in full. She knows the feeling of being somewhere you do not feel welcome. She wants you to forge the path you wish to walk

“If this is not the place of being in which you call home, then you must do the leaving. I will not be stopping you”

Petra will want to know what your plans are after you go. Where can she find you? Would you perhaps like to come visit Bridgid after she graduates?

Petra does not view it as an end, but as a path to a new beginning. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise then she will honestly fight them. They will not take away your right to be free and make your own choices

On the inside she is hurting, greatly. There are not many people at the academy that made her feel at home, with you gone there will be even less.

She plans to send you letters often. On pen and paper she conveys her thoughts easily, and it will be good practice for learning the language of fodlan

If you end up staying she will reveal how you leaving would have hurt her, but if you go the relief is still there.

Knowing you were far from the monestary during the fighting puts her at ease.

Caspar:

“You can’t leave! We’ve worked so hard here, and there’s people that need us! Why give that up?!”

Caspar is not happy. In fact, his entire day is completely soured. When you tell him he won’t even take it seriously at first. He’ll laugh like it’s some kind of ‘twisted joke’. You know, give you a pat on the back and continue talking about something else. Basically he avoids the conversation lol give dima a run for his money why don’t ya

Then he gets defensive. Why even bother enrolling if you’re just going to give up half-way? He honestly rambles so fast that getting a single word in is harder than convincing linhardt to train

Just let him get it out.

When he’s done listing off all the reasons you should stay he’ll be out of breath and leaning against one of the nearby tables. Hopefully you chose to have this conversation in private because he does not control his volume

It’s best to not say anything more. When he sees that you’re not swayed he’ll leave to go be alone. Give him some time and then go talk again

You’ll most likely find him sitting with his head in his hands by the peer. Very ‘uncaspar’ behavior

“I know it’s your choice- I do, but...I don’t want you to leave”

This is when you can explain your reasoning to him. He’ll just sit there and take it in silently. Though at the end he’ll reinstate the points he brought up before, and ask you to rethink the situation again. He knows that he makes rash decisions, but that doesn’t mean you have to

If you decide to stay he’ll try his best to help remedy any issues you have while at the academy, and beyond that he’ll ask you to stick by him during the war

If you leave he still won’t accept it, but he knows that it isn’t his choice. Just be safe.

Hubert:

Hubert knew of your plans long before you brought it up. The moment you two entered a courtship he did an extensive background check, and now constantly keeps track of anything you’re involved with

Some call it creepy, he calls it safety

Just so happens that a little birdie told him about you sending in an inquiry about withdrawal papers. First he notifies Lady Edelgard about the possible prospect of losing an ally, and then he approaches you personally

“Did you really think you could let this sneak past me?” -He’d ask once sure that you two were alone. While improper, he would sneak into your dorm past curfew. He’d find you sitting at your desk as if you were expecting him

“No, I only wanted to test how your ‘research’ skills are fairing. This must be a new record,”- You’d reply with just as much attitude. A smirk would crawl up his lips at it. You always have something to say

Before expressing any personal distaste he has with the decision, Hubert’s first priority is to find where you stand with regard to Empire. He’ll snoop by asking your opinion of the church to deduce if you’ll be a possible enemy. His duty comes before his personal opinions

Then he will calmly ask for your reasoning, and attempt to come up with a different solution. If there is one he will do all in his power to convince you of it. You are a respected ally and cherished companion of “the empire” (we all know he will not say you’re important to him this early on in the relationship. Give it another six years)

If deemed trustworthy, he will take similar action to Edelgard. He offers you a home in Enbarr located near where he will be stationed. When the time comes you can choose to either fight with the army, or do as you wish. There are many less dangerous positions he knows you are well qualified for

Linhardt:

When he wants to care he will do so. We’ve seen it with how he treats crest research in comparison to something like daily lessons. Linhardt is extremely intelligent and can even outsmart someone as wise as Hanneman if he wants to

He treats his partner like how he wishes for them to treat him: with trust. If there are rumors of your planned departure floating about the monastery he will ignore them. Gossip has never proved to bare no consequence

To be persistent in such a situation holds no merit in his eyes

That does not mean he is not curious. From what he gathered you seemed to be living a pleasant life here at the monastery. There should be no probable cause for departure unless he’s missing something

Linhardt is the kind to patiently wait. He will not seek you out or ask any of the professors. Instead he will spend his days with you as usual until you bring up the topic in question

This is where it is a battle of wits. He can be quite persuasive when he wishes to be, and right then he’s extra motivated. Though one look at the stressed crease of your brow dials down his normally paramount nature

He will suggest that you humor him with a list of pro’s and con’s of leaving. Afterwords he’ll throw in his own two-cents and leave you to think on your own

“If I were you I would not be so hasty. The human lifespan is brief and to dispose of an opportunity of this caliber could prove detrimental to your future” -way to pile on the stress Linhardt

Just remember that you love him and that he is only thinking in your best interest from a statistical standpoint. On the inside he really is afraid of what might happen to you when he is not around

The boy already hates bloodshed, but your injuries in particular are ones that make him blanch

Ferdinand:

Lorenz brings up a rumor of you withdrawing during their annual tea. He doesn’t do so out of spite, but merely out of concern considering that you are a good friend. He assumes that if anyone should know it would be your boyfriend

He did not

Not even a bit

“You must be mistaken my friend. If such a thing ere to transpire (Y/N) would have informed me immediately” - He would brush it off, but internally his nerves are fried. He decides to see you out once his evening duties are finished

The entire day he’s anxious to hear from you. It shows in how he completes his tasks. Oh, the shame. What proper noble cannot properly re-shelve library books?

When he finds you he cannot hide the anxiety in his voice. You instantly pick up on it and address the topic. Ferdinand does not take it well

“Do you hear yourself? To give up on such an opportunity as this is utter foolishness! I thought the rumors were preposterous, but to hear they were true?” - he would be flabbergasted. Dorothea has made it prominent that he tends to push his ideals onto others, but this was completely different

His words hurt. You were already struggling enough as it was to come to a decision. He of all people should be supporting you

You just leave midway during the conversation. After a moment of recollection he regrets what he said. That sort of treatment is not befitting of a noble...or anyone really

He’ll go find you and apologize. It doesn’t matter if you’re alone or beside some of your monastery pals, he will beg for forgiveness and will not leave you alone until you give it

Then he completely butts out. He makes his side of the coin apparent but leaves the ultimate decision to you

“I apologize. I unfairly lashed out at you after you spoke to me in confidence. I was hurt that you desired to leave everyone...and me. No matter what you decide I will support you”

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scarluxia · 3 years

Text

Let's talk about some Adventures I had in Phoenix, AZ in 2015. It came up in my FB Memories and even though I determined to let everything from last decade go, this one still rankles. I got "in trouble" with these people for being open about my experiences on my Facebook because, even though I hadn't mentioned names, they didn't like me "putting their business out there".

CW for ableism, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'll try to put all that in the tags.

My partner, Loki (yes real name), and I had been urban camping in Portland, OR for about a month. It had gotten cold and rainy to the point where we couldn't safely stay living outdoors, and Loki's father (who didn't approve of me) had demanded he come back to California and live with Loki's uncle. He made it quite clear I was not welcome, so I ended up going to Arizona because I had a friend who was willing to put me up. She and I had known each other since 2008 and I figured I would be safe with her. At the time, Loki was much more easily influenced by what his family wanted, and we ended up having kind of a nasty set of conversations over whether he was abandoning me.

While in Portland, my wallet had been stolen so I had no ID or SS card. I had reported it stolen of course, but had received no response until I was leaving Arizona.

My friend in Arizona had two young sons, a husband, and a boyfriend. Now, I have some sensory issues that make it so I have a hard time being around children. High pitched noises hurt me to my bones, like, even now I have to leave the room if my son gets overly excited and starts shrieking.

I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was where the kids would go when they woke up and where the TVs and entertainment consoles were.

Anyway, they wanted me to contribute to the household and whatnot but I was severely depressed and I think I've provided all the context I can remember? If the rest of this doesn't make sense, please know that there was a part 1 but it came up in my Memories on a different day and i didn't think I would be rehashing it.

So I couldn't do work, couldn't do anything anyone had asked me to do to satisfaction because various things that did not, in fact, depend on me. Maybe I wasn't being enough of a ~team player~, I don't know. But anyway, I did my best with what I had. Sometimes, because of THE EXTREME FUCKING SENSORY ISSUES THAT COME WITH AUTISM, I would get overwhelmed by the kids screaming. Two little boys, barely school age, and their parents sat them in front of a TV and gave them controllers. That's it. They had toys in their room, sure, but they weren't getting outside. I suggested taking them out a couple times, but firstly, I didn't know the area and wasn't about to go out alone, and secondly, I can't split in half and I'm not in good shape, so even if I had known the area, I wouldn't have taken TWO small children outside to run around where they could run out of the designated area. I'm kind of anal that way, I guess. But Woman A (mum) and Man B ("uncle") never got off their arses to help me take them outside, and Man A was at work.

Oh, yes, parental interaction with the kids. Woman A loved her sons very much. But at their age (3 and 5), they both should have been toilet trained. They should have gotten at least two hours outside every day. They threw fits when they weren't allowed to play video games because, instead of games being a special treat that was earned with good behavior, they were toys carelessly tossed at the kids to keep them out of everyone's hair. Conversely, and bizarrely, reading to them WAS a special treat. The father woke up, played games, basically brushed off his kids, and went to work. Same when he got home for lunch, and he *ordered* us to have them in bed by the time he got home for good. The mum did somewhat interact with them, but mostly just wanted them out of her hair. I wasn't so nice because I'm not good with kids in general and also loud screeching HURTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP. (Same with snoring, or any noise made when I want to sleep.) This isn't me being a ~diva~, it is an actual manifestation of a mental disability.

Woman A was of the opinion that "everyone who lives in a house with kids automatically becomes a coparent", maybe because she wasn't willing to actually parent her kids herself.

Note from the future: I still disagree with the idea that "anyone who lives in a house with kids is automatically a co-parent". Parent your own kids. I don't expect my dad to parent my son when we go visit him and he made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he would not take on a co-parenting role (because his wives 30-50 years ago had handled the babies and he doesn't really know how to calm them down beyond entertaining them)

She got a really bitchy look on her face whenever I (who have been around children, especially TROUBLED children, all my life) made any sort of suggestion. Well sorry, lady, but it's not like you're doing such a great job with them. Y'all act like you barely want anything to do with them. Like they're cute and little and fun to snuggle, but actually teaching them anything? Forget about it, just toss em a controller and hope they don't kill each other in the game or real life. Meanwhile, they have no outlet for their natural physical energy, no real outlet for their curiosity. They're going to grow up stupid and sedentary, with "no one paid attention to me during childhood except when it was convenient for THEM" to deal with. The older kid recently got on meds for a condition that, from what I observed, was likely much more nurture than nature. And what everyone ate, my God, those kids were the only non-overweight people in the house, and it's little wonder! I bought ACTUAL NUTRITIONAL food for everyone, and the adults look at me like I'm from some demon dimension. I made a light comment about how I'd never eaten anything like what they had growing up. You know, boxed potatoes, veggies out of a can, white bread, sugary peanut butter. And Woman A was like, "well YOU don't have kids."

Um, no, but my father did.

I have a kid now, am working part time at min. wage because my boss sees my performance as so-so (plus she's been forced to give me a raise every time the County of Where I Live raises the minimum), in a single-income household, on as much Family With Kids welfare as My County will allow, and I still wouldn't feed my kid that crap LOL

Spoiler alert: they made me use all my food stamps on their household and then kicked me out later that month so... When I bought food I bought HEALTHY food, like, I've been on food stamps my entire life... Also, WIC specifically pays for WHEAT bread, fruits & veggies, and they do let you get peanut butter without sugar so idk what was going on there with them.

My father was a SINGLE PARENT raising a daughter in America after 20 years of living in Europe and raising kids with his previous wives. Well, up until the divorces, anyway. I was the only kid he ever got to keep. He told me things about how the others had been raised compared to how I was raised, and I saw the outcomes of different parenting styles in my peers as well. My father was a very poor man whose trade had been outsourced and who struggled to support us for years. And yet, we never went hungry, and he never fed me boxed potatoes. Never fed me sugary peanut butter, white bread, or veggies out of a can.

Ok I understand canned veggies are better than no veggies, and not everyone can get fresh, but you CAN get frozen in AZ. I always had fresh or frozen growing up.

It wasn't because we were living in the lap of luxury. It's because...

HE FUCKING VALUED OUR HEALTH OVER CONVENIENT, CRAPPY, NUTRIENT-FREE FOOD!!!! This is not a difficult concept. He ALSO read to me every night, despite having what I now realise was a very grueling day at work just to put said healthy food on the table. I didn't get to watch TV or play computer games (edu-tainment, the only kind I was allowed) until after all my homework was done. I can't remember if I was a particularly active child, but I'm sure I had the OPTION!!!! TO GO OUT.

Meanwhile, when I was at various stages of my life, I met kids whose parents shunted them from guardian to guardian because they didn't want to deal with them, kids whose parents were kind and supportive but rubbish at enforcing discipline, kids whose parents were abusive in every kind of way, and kids whose parents did their best.

You know, I wasn't raised perfectly. My upbringing lacked social grace and included some toxic ideas about womanhood that I've only been learning to overcome recently in my adulthood. But DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY. I have my own life, the lives of my peers, and a wonderful online community of new parents raising children in kind and socially aware ways, to draw inspiration from. I can go to any one of them, and to my own parents, and ask "hey does X seem weird to you?" And they'll give me their honest opinion, which *is valuable*. I have even mapped out a general idea of how to get through some parts of my children's lives, and I'm not even planning to have kids for at least another few years. I mean, honestly, it used to be "I don't want kids ever", but dear gosh, if I can have any part of raising someone in a manner that defies procrastination culture, entitlement culture, and everything wrong with the way my husband and I were raised, maybe it wouldn't be a complete horror. If I can ensure that not all hope for the next generation is lost, hey.

Anyway, I've gone off topic...

I also had some issues with the men. Man B just didn't seem to like anything ever. I had no idea what Woman A saw in him. I remember one time he tried to tell me, a Christian, that I can't tell people what a "real Christian" is because it ~invalidates their identity~. Excuse me, no. It doesn't work that way. There are things that Christ taught, and anyone who blatantly goes against them IN THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY, IS NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. And yes, I realise this entire rant has been very judgey and technically I'm not supposed to do that either, but it's not like I'm saying they're going to Hell. Just that their kids are going to be sluggish and stupid, and I can't understand how these people have the gumption to try to lecture anyone else about life when they're not even TRYING to get their own lives together.

Yeah so they tried to lecture me about how I was "letting" Loki mistreat me and how I cared more about "socializing" with my estranged husband (I have separation anxiety) than helping around the house e_e They also implied I used depression as an excuse to be lazy.

Man B was supposedly "super employable." Well, okay, even though his "job hunt" seemed to consist more of sitting around playing video games, he was larger than my father (who is 6 ft tall with a protruding gut and weighs 240 lbs at last count) (My father and I are both 60 lbs above our ideal weights. But we're working on it!), and never seemed to get past the phone-screening process.

Now, Woman A told me that Man B was looking for work and that her family and some friends looked down on him for being a freeloader. Probably because she was anxious about me thinking the same. But here's the thing: I wouldn't have cared. Honestly. If you want to sit around playing games all day in your married girlfriend's apartment with her and her husband playing video games all day, go right ahead. If you want to bake three potatoes at a time and take them back to your room for a snack, hey, more power to you. But don't piss out the window and call it rain.

I don't care how employable you are, where you live, who you're living with, or what your lifestyle is like. It doesn't affect me in any way. But don't act like you're doing something you're not just to appease someone's judgmental family. That doesn't ever end well.

Now, see, I clearly have a problem with people who do that. I don't hide many aspects of myself, though I will refuse to answer a question if I feel it's none of someone's business or if they're just asking it to be a judgmental asshole. I refuse to compromise myself or my safe space to accommodate someone who can't make peace with who they are. Hell, you know me! You know my show!

Wait, this is Tumblr, so you might not know my show. It's a YouTube storyboard dedicated to processing and mocking some spiritual and psychological abuse I've undergone in my life. On Facebook, it was one of the things I was known for at the time because I was constantly posting clips and art, and trying to recruit voice actors.

I sell anyone out who I catch lying to me about anything! That's nothing new! And these people knew that about me. For SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS.

So anyway. Woman A has a lot of great short term goals but no actual follow through because "I'm just not in the mood right now." No judgment there. I've totally been there. The only problem is when it gets ME in trouble.

"Let's walk the dog." "I'm not in the mood." Okay, then the dog doesn't get walked because I can't figure out my way around the place alone.

"Let's do the dishes." Woman A doesn't let me know when the washer stopped. Okay. Then the rest of the dishes don't get washed.

"Let's take the kids outside." "No I'm too tired." Okay, then they're going to be RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT SCREAMING WHICH MY EARS CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE so bye I'm just gonna borrow your room and isolate myself for a bit.

"Let's go to the gym!" "Maybe later." But later never comes.

Do you see where I'm going here? As for the men, they BOTH complain that they're "doing too much" around the house. Okay, probably fair for Man A, who works full time and deserves to come home to a clean house. But Man B. Wtf. You literally do nothing, except when you do, and when you do, we're meant to throw you a parade? That's not how adulthood works, or so I've heard.

Note: All three of these people are older than me. I was 24? at the time, fresh out of trade school, on my own for the first time in my life. (Maybe 2nd? I ran away when I was 17 but ended up with my grandparents so idk if that counts.) Woman A was 26 at the time and had been married since 2008, had experience with office work and parenthood, etc. Both men were older than her. I was a chronological adult with the life experience of a teenager, so I felt comfortable saying that.

So did I mention that I'm sleeping in the living room during this stay? And the adults don't go to bed until like 2 AM, which means, because of my disability, wherein I cannot sleep if there's any sort of non-ambient noise, *I* don't get to sleep until AFTER 2 AM. And the kids? They come in the living room screaming at 6 AM. Yep. Okay. Living on 4 hours of sleep, for the mathematically challenged. That and dealing with the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband when I've got high separation anxiety in the first place. All my pain, everything, it's up to 11. and I'm supposed to contribute but there's not really anything that allows me to contribute.

So what do they do? They ambush me. Call a "family meeting" to tell me absolutely everything that's wrong with me, after WEEKS of telling me what a big help I am and how grateful they are to have me around. Tell me I'm letting my "social life" get in the way of me helping around the house. Hmm. Social life. You mean, VENTING IN MY SAFE SPACE (Facebook, no names named) AND TRYING TO MEND THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND??????????????? Okay. Well since you guys treat your woman like shit, you clearly don't understand or appreciate devotion to one's spouse. Seriously. Woman A told me she used to have extreme separation anxiety with Man A, and that he would brush off her emotions as irrelevant. Her solution was to make it a poly relationship and take a lover WHO TREATS HER THE EXACT SAME WAY. I'm serious. She got no emotional support from either of them. They basically just threw pills at her and trained her to lie down until her feelings went away.

And she had the gall to lecture me (24 at the time) about how Loki (19 at the time & from a pretty horrific family) treated me. LOL ok. Log. Splinter.

As she knew, I'm monogamous. I do have some opinions on polyamoury based on individuals I've gotten to know who are in those types of relationships, but those opinions are irrelevant to this series of rants. Except one, which is pertinent: if you're going to take another lover, they should provide something that your existing lover(s) don't. If you're suffering from low emotional support and you just find someone else who doesn't emotionally support you and who treats you like a child who can't be trusted??? What are you even DOING? Like, she told me NEITHER of her men trust her judgment. What the fuck is a relationship without trust? And don't even try "dick too bomb" as an excuse when you tell me you haven't gotten laid in months and your husband is using your condoms on Woman B.

They don't support you. They don't trust you. And yet YOU'RE telling ME that things with my husband won't get better unless I follow your lead and take another lover? HELL TO THE NO. My husband has his faults, but if I tell him Person X can be trusted, he believes me.

Except for his ex-girlfriend whom he tried to add to our relationship when he tried to be poly, months later. That went Badly.

Or maybe he just knows I'll deal with them myself, with my hot, hot temper, if they turn out not to be trustworthy. He also doesn't treat me LIKE A CHILD. And while I sometimes point at things and make small motions when I can't physically talk, or sometimes even use baby talk when I'm feeling cutesy, I DON'T POINT AT A PIECE OF PAPER AND GO "THE CARRRRRR!!!!" IN AN INCREASINGLY HIGHER PITCH BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "Honey, I think we missed the car payment this month. Can you double check while the agent has you on hold, please?"

Okay, being a dick about losing words due to stress was not my finest moment, but at the time, I was just so appalled by how they treated her and how she allowed them to treat me.

So basically these adults who are nowhere near having their lives together, and aren't even really trying, put me on blast for not having everything running perfectly when THEY expected it to.

Let's reiterate. I couldn't get a job because I had no ID or social security card. I was waiting for them to be returned to me. I couldn't walk the kids or the dog, go to the gym, or complete all the household chores because no one would guide me. I need that guidance because of various components of my disability, which I really hate admitting to because I'm super fucking prideful, but I figured hey, she's not neurotypical either. These people will understand.

Their response when I brought this up? "You're an adult. You should know better." Sure, okay. But you should know that a child ought to be potty trained before he turns 5, or even 3; that kids need to run around, are entitled to their parents' attention and consistent discipline, and need!!! healthy!!!! food!!!!

Oh, discipline! So, she would send Older Boy to his room over misbehaving. But rather than enforce time-out, she'd go, "oh, I think I'm being too haaaard on him," and just... Relinquish. He's not about to learn anything that way, ma'am.

They called me trying to reconnect with the person I love more than almost anyone on this earth "obsessing over your social life". Well again, you treat your woman like shit, so MAYBE my undying devotion to the person I love goes a LITTLE bit over your head.

They told me that the household should be my first priority. Except no, because I am an autonomous person and my FIRST PRIORITY is, was, and ever has been the love of my life, whomever that may be at the time. That is 70% of my personality. I'm pretty sure anyone who had ever met me can vouch for my extreme devotion, and this woman had known me for SEVEN. YEARS. I'm not going to throw away 70% of myself to do an impossible task that no one will help me with.

They told me a lot of things I wasn't doing right, and for those of you who also struggle with anxiety and depression, you know that being told for weeks that everything is okay and you're so great and so helpful, and then being told that you're rubbish at everything... You know that that is hurtful. Devastating, even. I wanted to kill myself. I said that. I said that and expressed my feelings about some other things, in my safe space, without naming any names.

And even though I was posting in my safe space, I was polite about it. I was as gentle and rational as possible. I wasn't calling anyone out. Not like I am now. I wasn't trying to lead a witch hunt. I was just overwhelmed and trying to express my feelings. Trying to get myself not to kill myself. I had to tell myself over and over again that it's not what Loki would want for me.

In the morning, they woke me up and kicked me out. Said it was rude for me to say I don't care about their household. I never, NEVER said that. I said "Loki is my first priority." Something along the lines of "that's just how I am and I shouldn't be vilified for it." That doesn't mean I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. IT JUST MEANS THAT MY PRIORITIES WILL *NEVER* BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS THEM TO BE. I AM A PERSON. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT TO PRIORITISE, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!

I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY NAME IS *SIGYN*. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES EXPECT?! WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU HAVE FELT THREATENED BY ME SAYING ANYTHING IF I DIDN'T NAME NAMES AND WAS ACTUALLY RATIONAL? IF YOU SAW THIS, *MAYBE* YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PISSY, BUT NOT THEN!

They kicked me out after having asked me to buy them all food. I had used up all my food stamps. Because I hadn't anticipated this at all. I hadn't known they would take such offence to my existence, to my ways. To the fact that I value the man I married more than I value... Whatever they wanted me to value, I guess.

Fun fact: I ended up in a women's shelter after this, and one woman told me to actually kill myself because she was tired of hearing me cry at night.

They said I hadn't made any effort to get my life on track. Because I can just snap my fingers and make my ID appear. Because I can just manifest the money for a replacement. They said all these things that left me almost unable to breathe, in retaliation for me posting that I was suicidal.

Later, Woman A told me that this had been a long time coming and that they were trying to make room for Woman B and Woman C, both of whom were willing to have sex with the men, which is something that I would not. I feel the first woman I met at the shelter was accurate when she said they basically kicked me out because I wouldn't sleep with them.

I also later found out that my ID and SS card had been returned to sender. The Portland PD called me and told me. So my father came to the conclusion that the people I had been staying with sabotaged me from the start. For a while, I didn't feel it, but last night I dreamed about it, and the dream made me angry. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I really had to get all this off my chest, so for those of you who didn't immediately whip out your tiny violins, thank you.

#ableism #depression #rejection sensitive dysphoria #sensory sensitivity #child neglect #child abuse #resource insecurity?#i forgot about the part where someone tried to mansplain Christian gatekeeping to me #emotional abuse #polyamory but make it toxic #suicidal ideation

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 4 years

Text

Fanfiction review : Unexpected

Disclaimer: Do not send hate to anyone mentioned in this post. If you plan to respond in anyway to this post, I ask that you remain civil to everyone. Also, this review is an opinion post. Do not take what I say here as fact. Thank you.

------------------

I like sorbet. I do! I prefer it to ice cream, and I would gladly eat half a tub without hesitation. But if I were to eat it every day? I'd get sick of it. It's always bothersome when something like that happens. Especially in literature. Sometimes, a short story is more enjoyable than a lengthy saga. Good things can come in small packages....

... what was I talking about again? Ah, whatever.

Anyway, let's talk about zoophobia fanfiction.

*****

Those who have had the misfortune of reading my last fic review may recall that I went through each and every chapter of TDL's story. This time, however, this will be structured in a sort of ramble. I will be discussing things in sections, and I will give my overall thoughts at the end. This is a review of "Unexpected " by a "Kalum16" , who, if my memory serves me correctly, goes by @kartoonluv on Tumblr. Now, this review was not requested by anyone, so if Kalum (who I'll refer to as KL for brevity's sake) wishes this review to be deleted, I will comply with his wishes. Also, I suggest that you read this on fanfiction.net before continuing with this post.

******

Something I would like to get out of the way are my views on romance and the story's pairing. I'd like to bring these up now as I will be mentioning them later on.

Firstly, I have never been in a romantic relationship. However, I have been in love before, and I know people who are or who have been in relationships. That being said, I have considered that perhaps my lack of experience will mean that with certain things... I might not get it. The importance of certain events may be lost on me, and I may not be able to connect with things couples do.

I would also like to confess that Kayla x Damian is one of my least favorite ZP ships. The idea that after Damian basically harasses Kayla, manipulates her and Zill, and basically makes their lives miserable for his own gain, that he can be rewarded by getting the girl? Not exactly something I jive with. Also, (and this is my interpretation) I do not think that Damian's feelings towards Kayla are genuine. By that, I think (due to how little they know about each other) Dame is more in love with his idea of who Kayla is. Or, if we weren't going to look to deep into it and say that it's because he has a thing for Christians, it would make Dame's attraction pretty materialistic. Neither idea really screams "good ship!" to me.

********

That being said, let's discuss how the pairing is handled here. I'm actually on board with this depiction of the relationship. For one thing, it seems that Kay and Dame have become friends. They clearly care about one another before starting a relationship, and the story makes it so that they can relate to each other. This takes away my issue of these characters not acting knowing each other well, and thus the feelings they have towards one another come off as genuine.

I think that the story makes them out to the a cute couple. However, I still have a major issue with it, and the story as a whole.

Basically, (after a while) I think it's boring.

To best explain why, I would first like detour and discuss Damian and Kayla individually.

*******

Ladies first. I have mentioned in previous posts that I enjoyed the first chapter of this story. Back then, I had not read beyond chapter 1, as I hadn't realized that the story had been updated. And you know what? I still stand by that. In chapter 1, Kayla feels a lot more interesting than she is in the comic. It's interesting to see Kay in a situation where she basically gets what she wants, but she ends up hating it. She struggles with writers block, self doubt and regret. It's sad to see how apathetic she's become, and how she no longer holds the ambition she once did.

I also liked that she still had some internalized prejudice against demons. It made sense, and it made what was going on more interesting as it created inner conflict. Now, if the story was just the one chapter, I would have bought that her falling in love with Dame would have made all her prejudice go away. I mean, you would need to wrap it up by the end.

But we got more than 1 chapter, and thus the evaporated prejudice feels kind of contrived and like lost potential. Hell, it would have been interesting if an ongoing subplot involved Kayla conquering her prejudice by learning about demons and debunking the stories that I heard as a kid. Her just yeeting away her prejudice because she falls for one guy feels kind of lame, and going forward, Kayla feels less interesting in the fic.

Originally, she had all this regret and self doubt. While it's great to see her doing good, her issues feel like they've almost all been resolved by a makeout session. Throughout the story, Kay doesn't grow or develop in any way. Her only real issue is "I'm in love with Dame and ppl don't like it, woe is me"

There's this chapter where Dame meets Kay's parents, and I feel like I should be invested, but I'm more confused than anything. The story points out that Kay's parents were ok with Zill (who's part demon, part whatever the fuck), but they're not ok with Dame. I mean, yes, he's the antichrist, but have they not figured out that their daughter is into some weird dudes? Like, they're perspective is painted as "oh, Kay was such a good girl, and yadda yadda", but, again, they were ok with Zill. You'd think that that relationship would at least make them question that idea? Also, why are Kay's parents deer? Am I missing something?

Kay serves really only one role here. She's Dame's gf, she'll defend the relationship to the grave, and she cares about him. She doesn't become much more than that, and every chapter feels like it's redundant in reinforcing that idea. Like...ok, we get it, let's move on.

*******

Does Damian do much here? Not really. He's mainly the inverse of Kayla for the most part, being "I will defend this love, no matter fucking what". The issue being constantly brought up about how he's the antichrist, so "oh no, that makes things difficult ", is always resolved in about a chapter.

The story feels like it's trying to give Damian some development. I mean, I guess he stands up for himself against Kay's parents, and defends her from his? Oh, and there's that moment where he's like "Yo, I have no control over my life, I don't wanna be a prince, you make me happy ", etc. But not even this really does anything. The meeting with his parents feels like a repeat of meeting Kay's parents. We even get the one parent approval, one on one talk, and it's the mom, just like before. Oh, and Dame's emotional "I will reject prince-y ness to be with you " speech? All that leads to is them having sex.

Ok, well, that last one I might give a pass. I don't find sex to be that big a deal, but I know some people view it as this super important thing, so maybe through that lense, I could see sex as being an emotional payoff.

*******

One thing I won't give a pass is chapter 2, which really didn't need to be here. Jack never shows up again, Kayla can be subtracted from this chapter entirely, and the only build up to this was a couple lines in the previous chapter. The chapter itself is alright, but it feels like it should have been it's own separate story. My only idea as to why this chapter should stay is that, apart from Kayla in chapter 1, this is the only chapter with development. Damian owning up for being a shit is great, and it shows some of only god damn growth for anyone here.

Another chapter that didn't need to be here was whichever was the chapter when Zill showed up again. Admittedly, I skipped this chapter almost entirely. Look, he and Kay broke up, and they're dating different people. That's it. That's all we need. I read the first few paragraphs and the last few. I feel like I don't need to read the entire chapter to know that it's just reinforcing the idea of how great a couple Kayla and Damian are. You know, like basically every chapter in here.

*****

My biggest issue overall with this story is the relationship. As much as I've been ragging on this fic, KL is very gifted at writing. There were some instances where a reread or two could fix some wonky sentences (sounds like me reviewing my posts), but overall he does have a good grasp on it.

That being said, the relationship, the core of this story, is not interesting enough to warrant all six chapters. The only issue Kayla and Damian face are the opinions of others. They never have any reason to question the relationship, question themselves as people, or think about how to handle things. It would have been a lot more interesting if we saw them develop the close relationship the story portrays them as having. It would be interesting if we saw them learn more about each other, or discover ways to deal with each other if one of them is being a dumb bitch. We get it. They love and care about each other. The world around them think it's weird. Every chapter just reinforces the same idea again and again.

I think KL could easily make this better. There's a bunch of plot points that are never brought up more than once that could be interesting. For instance, Kayla struggling to write new songs. We could see more of how she and Dame deal with that instead of having them mention "oh yeah, the problem is fixed now ". Does Damian ever earn Jack's forgiveness? Does Kayla learn anything new about demons?

KL, I believe you when you say these two care a lot about each other. And yeah, seeing how they make their relationship work in spite of what others think is an interesting idea on paper. But the characters don't become closer to each other or anything. Why would I be concerned about the issues presented in the story when I know that they're just going to be resolved in the same way?

You know it's kind of like sorbet...

I would still nonetheless recommend this story tho. Again, as much as I've ragged on it, I still think that the story is good. As mentioned before, I don't have much experience with romantic relationships, so perhaps something here could be lost on me. I'm curious to know anyone else's thoughts.

I apologize for wasting your time

- Spooky S Skeletons

Ps. Yes, quarantine is messing with my head :) just bear with me

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sashank-kanchustambam · 5 years

Text

Lack OF Context

I never honestly prayed before, but I always had this small belief that someone existed up there, someone who controlled us or at least could control us; that thought lead me to have my first conversation with GOD. I mean I did all the talking, I wouldn't know if he responded.

Anirudh texted me after a week. I'm surprised how he texts me even after I repeatedly ignore him. I mean.....I love him, I want to talk to him, I want to meet him, and I probably can but I choose not to because 12th grade is really crucial to get into med school and I can't afforde to get used to him right now (also if my parents get to know about him I'm dead). I reply to him occasionally ,though, and that makes me happy.

Me: “Dad! Hurry up”

Dad: “ I'm almost done Tanvi...get the keys from mom”

Me: “Can you please teach the concept of punctuality to your husband mom.....he gets me late for my classes every day”

Dad: “Go by yourself no ”

Me: “I would dad if you allowed me to take ubers”

Dad: “well you have a bicycle”

Mom: “ argument over! (throws the keys to dad) now leave”

Once we sat in the car the argument started off from exactly where it ended

Dad: “ Tanvi! What about the bicycle?”

Me: “ Dad! How in the world do you lose your common sense sometimes? I'll sweat my lungs out if I bicycle 8 kilometres every day.

Dad: Well, you'll sweat my pockets out if you do an uber everyday

Me: I wonder how you'll pay for my med school though

Dad: I earn enough honey, and your mom does too.

Me: got you!!! My logic wins

Dad: shit!! No one's logic wins it's an argument with no winner.

Me: come on dad I'm the clear winner

Dad: I'll agree to disagree

Me: yeah sure!!

We were laughing around when all of a sudden I noticed a tiny kid randomly standing on the road and screamed; dad pressed the brake and turned the steering which made the car turn 360 degrees and crash into a light pole. The kid just ran away, but if I ever see that kid again I'm really going to run a car over him (I won't though). I was fine but my dad's head hit the steering wheel and was bleeding ( I should have reminded him to wear his seat belt.....well he should have reminded himself to wear his seat belt); he was half unconscious and was blabbering some shit. As I was unbuckling my seat belt, a guy on a motorcycle pulled up at my dad's side of the car and said “Is everything alright sir?” My dad continued to blabber unclearly. The guy interrupted me and said “ Glad to know sir... I am Seerat Kherwal, I am 31 years old, I work at Toogle as an assistant manager and my salary is ₹400,000 per month” At that point, I really didn't understand what the hell was happening and took time to process it. He continued “My family and friends consider me to be a very kind man I'm here to ask you if I could marry your daughter” I couldn't believe the randomness of the situation, but then processed it immediately and shouted at the guy “ Man what the fuck is wrong with you? Firstly the man's head is bleeding.what the hell are you doing instead of taking him to the freaking hospital? and secondly, I'm just 17” I wasn't even able to process what I was speaking. The guy spoke again “I'm sorry my love, can you help me get your father to the back seat?”

I got down and went to help him. “Don't call me ‛love’ please” he replied “Sure darling” I just decided to stay quiet this time. I helped him shift dad to the back seat. I took my handkerchief out and tied it to my dad's head. Seerat parked his motorcycle on the footpath, got into the driver's seat and I sat beside him. He started to drive the half broken car.

I've always kinda been into older men but that's more of a sexual thing and less of a romantic thing; even taking that into consideration this conversation was creepy....... from his side at least.

Seerat: ‛don't worry babe! Chandigarh is a small city the hospital won't be too far’

Me:‛ I'm really thankful for the help sir, but please call me Tanvi instead of babe or darling or love!! uh uh right right right right!!’

Seerat: ‛(immediately changed the direction of the steering and smiled with embarrassment) ’

Me:‛ you just spoke as if you know Chandigarh so well!! What happened huh?’

Dad: ‛ (in a very low voice) Tanvi tell mom that I loved her’

Me: ‛what the hell dad! You're not dying....we'll get you to the hospital asap....calm down’

Dad: (blabbered some shit)

Seerat: ‛do you think he'll say yes for the marriage Tanvi?’

Me: ‛ Shut the fuck up, please!! ’

After a few more extremely uncomfortable conversations (for me at least) with seerat and a little more random blabbering by my dad, we reached outside the emergency.

I told him to look after dad while I got some help. I brought a nurse with a wheelchair. Seerat gave me the car keys. “Thank you so much, sir.” He moved his cheek towards me and said “don't forget the bye-bye kiss Tanvi.” I think my brain wasn't working properly at that moment; instead of slapping his face I unwillingly kissed his cheek. Once I brought my face back to myself, the nurse was standing in place of Seerat and we were inside the hospital; the nurse was blushing as if Shawn Mendes just kissed her. I really didn't know if I forgot walking into the hospital or if we actually magically appeared there. I could have literally seen flying German Shepherd that day..... it wouldn't surprise me. My dad was completely unconscious and was being rushed in. Once we were inside, the doctor checked him and said “There's nothing to worry about... We'll have to give him a small dose of anesthesia and a few stitches.” They told me to wait in the corridor; I felt relieved. After I waited out for a few minutes, all the clocks in the emergency section started to make the weird hen noise, and the nurse came running to me. “ma'am we need you inside” I rushed inside. The doctor said “ Kid! Our department considers 11:43 AM as a very unlucky time and it's also a 13th today so we'll need your help....you have to make the first step of the stitching procedure we'll take over from there.” A panic attack hit me and I replied immediately while panting “ma'am my father is lying unconscious there you can't be joking around right now” “I'm not joking around kid” I looked at the nurse ( her name tag said eeshrat.....I didn't notice the doctor's name tag) and she nodded, conveying to me that it's true. I was pretty sure that that's not how hospitals work but, apparently, that's how my day was working... so I went with the flow. I took three deep breaths and told her to guide me. Eeahrat gave me a pair of gloves; the doctor handed me over the needle driver with a curved needle and suture material attached to it. She pointed to the starting of my dad's wound, put her fingers around his wound and said “right here kid” My mind, body, and soul were filled with frustration, so I pierced the needle right into the eye of the doctor, instead, and then got back to reality (which means I didn't pierce into her eye but imagined doing so because I really felt like doing so). I calmed my tits down and slowly took the needle closer to my dad's wound and carefully pierced it into his skin just like they showed in House M.D (it's a medical TV show.... I'm not even sure if they ever showed sutures in it, but yeah!). The doctor carefully took the driver from my hand; I slowly took a few steps back to the wall and fell to the ground with relief. ‘Could the day get any weirder’ I thought to myself. But I won't say it was all bad because doing the sutures gave me so much inner satisfaction ,and filled me with pride.....I gave sutures even before I got into med school, and I did it for my dad, but why did I do it??.... well!! I better not think about it.

“You did a very good job kid.... wait here you have some signing to do” The doctor went outside. Eeshrat, the nurse, was looking after dad, while I was still down to the floor. Once I was calmer and started to get up, the room all of a sudden sank deeper into the ground, and I fell back on the floor. I thought it was an earthquake and wasn't even surprised, but the sinking of the room was too even to be an earthquake. While Eeshrat was panicking, the door automatically closed and a small part of the ceiling opened up, and two suited up women jumped in from there. I just wanted to pick my unconscious dad up on my shoulders and run away from there. When Eeshrat tried to run away they shot her with a taser gun. My dad would have probably peed his pants if he was conscious at this point; I could have totally peed my pants too. “ There's no need to panic. We're from S.R.P.D. We're a government secret organization and we help them in emergencies and we were in urgent need for this aircraft because it's the only aircraft in the country that has an invisibility feature.” I literally said, “What the fuck” out loud. I was so glad in the morning that my periods were over and was hoping for a good day but this wasn't a very good day honestly. The other lady continued from there “ We're really sorry, but it's our policy to not allow anyone out immediately in these situations because of security issues, but we'll let you go soon.” Immediately after saying that she shot me with the taser too.

The second I woke up, I freaked out. The room in which I gave sutures to my dad was now an aircraft.....and we were in the fucking sky. The floor of the aircraft was transparent so I could see through it. It was scary and fascinating at the same time. Apparently, the aircraft was invisible from outside. I really didn't believe that. Eeshrat was sitting beside me and weeping, so I just brushed my palm on her head. My dad just woke up, noticed that we're flying, screamed and fainted again. “ I think it's time ma'am,” one of the suited ladies said to the other. “ People it's time... you need to get ready” They threw a bag at each of us. They tried to wake dad up but he wouldn't move.

Suited lady: “ We just gave you parachutes... We'll be releasing you right now”

Me: (That scared the living shit out of me, so I immediately interrupted) “ ma'am what what what.... you can't just leave us at some random place.... how do we get back home....and we might die we don't even know how to use these things”

Eeshrat: “you should have left us in the hospital itself what kind of stupid policy do you have.”

Suited lady: “we're sorry for the inconvenience...... You'll be instructed what to do and we've made sure that the landing area is safe..... We've transferred some money to your respective accounts and the nearest city is 5 kilometres from your landing place.....you can figure out your way from there”.

Me: “well ma'am I'm still scared. Can you not take us with you and drop us off later?”

Suited Lady : “you either jump here or we kill you later..the choice is yours”

Me: “can you instruct us with the parachutes please”

After they gave us the instructions, a small door opened up at the bottom of the aircraft... I have no idea where it appeared from though. Eeshrat jumped first. They decided to tie my dad up to me because he didn't seem to wake up. “ you're responsible for your dad ma'am” the lady said and pushed me out. I was screaming for obvious reasons. I just looked up to see the aircraft, but I couldn't see it. So the invisibility feature was real. I felt like I was in a Marvel movie. I was having the time of my life falling from so high though. My dad was still unconscious and that surprises me till date; how can someone be unconscious through all this shit? Well, Dad has always been a pussy. We were slowly getting closer to land. While we were falling, we suddenly became static in the air. I could only move my eyes, while rest of my body became static. I couldn't even pinch myself to check if it was a reality. This time there was no chance that I could process what was happening. Did you ever notice those glitches in old TVs? That kind of glitch literally occurred all around us (it felt as if we were trapped inside a TV). I wanted to scream but I couldn't. The glitch lasted few seconds, and after that, the ground below changed into sky.......an endless dark sky. I was suddenly able to move my head, so I saw up. Morning sky on the top, night sky at the bottom, and no land; It was beautiful to look at, but I couldn't appreciate it at that point of time. It suddenly felt like someone switched the gravity switch on and we started to fall again. We were falling towards the night sky. The closer we were getting to the night sky the faster my heart started to race. Once we almost fell into it, I just screamed and closed my eyes; I could hear the nurse scream too.

After closing my eyes for 5 seconds and probably after entering the night sky, a soft surface hit my butt hardly......I felt like I was sitting somewhere. While panting my lungs out, I opened my eyes to see myself sitting in my half broken car beside my mom. “why does he even buy such expensive cars when he can't even drive properly” She continued ranting while I was completely clueless. I just looked back to see that dad was still unconscious and the nurse was just staring outside the window....she looked traumatized. Mom stopped the car, smiled and said to the nurse “ your stop is here Eeshrat” The nurse, without even saying thank you, opened the door and started walking into the rain; she was just looking at one point and her eyes were watery. I immediately got out of the car and went to her. “do you remember any of that.... did it actually happen?” “I don't want to talk about it..... please leave” She pushed me away. I walked back to the car with disappointment. My mom said “ What an ungrateful lady.” I didn't have enough energy to respond to mom.

Once we were back home, I just ran into the house instead of helping mom with dad. While I was running into the room, I just stopped at the ‛Lord Vishnu’ picture that I talked to in the morning. I removed my glasses and threw them away in awe after seeing ‛Lord Vishnu’ wink at me. This wink reminded me of the conversation I had with him in the morning

‛ hey, bro! I really feel if not you, someone actually exists up there... Anyways

You know how crazily I want to be a doctor right...I just want to be able enough to treat my parents if they ever fall sick... It's the least I can do for them. When I earn enough money as a doctor I'll go for sky diving......I don't want to use my parents' money for something so high up on my bucket list Yeah.. also I have this thing for older men I don't know why... I want to kiss an older guy someday... like at least 10 years older... Not my dad though... Obviously duh..... Okay, this is something I really need an answer for..... Like the dimensions shit Nolan showed in interstellar or like the portals doctor strange opens....is that shit actually possible...I see so many people arguing about it...Is it actually possible... Anyways who cares okay bye’

I HOPE NOBODY DRUGGED ME THAT DAY

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worldwalkernovel · 5 years

Note

great, i will keep that in mind about the reblogging and whatnot - be prepared for an influx of me-related notes. now, for the questions/prompts that i've been thinking about since atlas was posted: (1) did crispen actually think that brenneth would join him? was murdering done out of spite or a sense of helplessness? when does he realize what he's done? (2) torei is wonderful. what does her name mean? do she or krei have any appellations? and (3) did anyone consider giving b and c alleri names?

YESSSSSS

1) Did Crispin actually think Brenneth would join him?

He was not...strictly speaking sane when he made that request. At the time, yes, he believed she would join him. She was his best friend and he loved her and she was the only person in the world (except for the kids who called him “big brother” but that’s another, equally sad conversation) who loved him for exactly who he was. It seemed reasonable to him, in that state of mind, that she would say yes. When he’s thinking clearly, later, he’s aware that asking was easily the most absurd thing he could have done.

Was the murder done out of spite or helplessness?

It started in column B and moved into column A. Crispin spent a full decade being told he had to save the world. At first, his violence came from a place of “I am destined to save the world, destiny means I have to do it, that means that I am the hero whether I want to be or not and since these people are trying to stop me, clearly they are the bad guys.” And a little bit a place of “in order to save everyone, I need to be in control of the situation.” As things progressed and he realized that, A, he clearly was not the hero of the story and, B, he had dug that hole a bit too deep to climb out, it became increasingly more of an issue of “fine, if I’m the villain I’ll be the most villainous villain you can imagine because fuck you for breaking me and putting me in this position.” It does bear mentioning that, for reasons I can’t really go into, the White Wolf was...not as bad as he could have been? Like, he did a lot of murder but he basically only did murder. The most spectacular thing he did was extremely spectacular (he doubled his body count of two and a half years in two weeks, but spoilers), but neither he nor anyone in his nominal service ever tampered with the bodies of the dead, tortured, whatever. In his cold and merciless way, the Wolf was a very even-handed monster.

When does Crispin realize what he’s done?

It’s a slow thing, and then it’s not. The breaking point is that, through events that will be revealed in the novel, Crispin very nearly kills Brenneth. He puts her own sword through her chest, and buries her alive, and then--

Well, then he’s killed her, hasn’t he? He’s been trying to do it for most of three years, and he’s done it, and she’s dead and he killed her, and...

Then there’s a haze. When he comes out of it, he’s pretty sure he’s had the wrong end of this fairy tale the whole time.

Heroes don’t kill the love of their life, you see.

2) What does Torei’s name mean? Do she or Krei have any appellations?

Torei is a name distantly related to a breed of a small bird like a sparrow, native to the northern forest she’s descended from. It’s because she was born very skinny, which is unusual for briatan. Torei is sometimes called Dedicated or Loyal, in the ballads about her, but it’s a little harder to slap someone with an unwanted epithet when, A, they’re not the central figure of the story (which Torei is very pushy about), and, B, right there to stare down from their seven-foot-two height with a skeptical raised eyebrow and a hand on their sword while they gently say, “Now, you and I both know that I’m just a person caught up in her wake. The Fireheart chose to take me with her.”

Also, Krei hasn’t previously...done anything sufficiently impressive to earn an epithet. She’s captain of a city guard and she does a good job and her civilians love her for her good work, but her only epithet so far is “captain” and honestly she’d be okay with never earning another. (Narrative fitting aside, if I was gonna give her one it would be Oakhand, because her entire left arm from the shoulder is a prosthetic of live wood and I think that’s...pretty cool if I do say so myself.)

3) Did anyone consider giving Brenneth and Crispin Alleirai names?

Brenneth and Crispin actually are their Alleirai names! Worldwalkers are not given family names in Alleirat, they’re just called “of Alleirat” since they don’t have relatives there, but Brenneth’s given name at birth was Brenda Gadhafi, and Crispin’s was Christopher Adesso. When they first arrived in Alleirat, the guard who found these two scared lost kids took his best guess at pronouncing the unfamiliar names. Ultimately someone gave them sort of a short list of best guesses and they chose which they preferred. The reason they’re always referred to as Brenneth and Crispin, even on Earth, is because the whole novel is in the first person from Brenneth’s POV, and she thinks of them exclusively by their Alleirai names. For all intents and purposes, she thinks of Brenda and Christopher as “dead”, and they both hate being called by those names. In AU content where Alleirat never happened, I either consider that they legally changed their names at some point (probably after moving out, as they weren’t on great terms with their parents), or that they were always called Brenneth and Crispin in that universe.

#worldwalker #alleirat #brenneth #crispin #the white wolf #the fireheart #torei akekrei #krei the tree lesbian #bits and sundries #i am not giving you the details of what happened to brenneth or how she survived crispin's most competent attempt on her life #spoilers #but suffice it to say that brenneth did survive #and he stabbed her and then called down an avalanche to bury her alive #featuring 'brenneth and crispin have the opposite of phantom limbs'#brenneth feels the wound in her chest when she has a panic attack #and when crispin's not doing well his arm (which brenneth actually took off at the shoulder) goes limp and numb #oh and krei lost her arm being heroic--the damage was too extensive for even magic to save the limb #so she has a wooden arm with bark for skin and sometimes it puts out leaves #she's had the prosthetic for about seventy years though so she knows its quirks pretty well #queue deeper than the sea of stars #smallblueandloud #asked and answered

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bumblesimagines · 4 years

Text

Lie

Request: Yes or No

I heard you told your friends that I'm just not your type

If that's how you really feel, then why'd you call last night?

You say all I ever do is just control your life

But how you gonna lie like that, how you gonna lie like that?

"Yeah, nah, man. (Y/N) is dope, but he's just not my type, ya know? I think I was just.. Experimenting with what I like." Chuck explained to his friends. (Y/N) played with his lighter, flickering it on and off as an amused smile tugged at his lips. He pretended not to listen, headphones in but music low.

"I hope we can stay friends cause he's the chillest guy I know." He finally brought the lighter up to his cigarette, lighting it and flicking it off.

"He was kind of.. Controlling in a way? Not possessive or toxic. You know how chicks get when they think you're cheating? Like that." (Y/N) almost snorted but held it back. He pulled the cigarette away from his lips and stood up from the bench, passing by the guys without a glance.

Yeah, I heard you said I ain't the type for you

I don't regret it though, I learned from it

They should have you locked up for all the time you stole from us (Woo)

Took you out when I had no money

Only person that you ever cared about was you, that's why it's so funny

(Y/N) didn't have much of reaction when news spread of his and Chuck's breakup. He found it a bit amusing. Chuck tried to make people feel bad for him but at the same time make (Y/N) look good as well. Maybe from guilt or to keep (Y/N) as a just in case. He knew there was good inside of Chuck but he didn't expect much from the relationship. He tried to make it work but you can only try so much before giving up. The only thing (Y/N) really regretted was the time wasted on an empty relationship.

You want somebody that'll keep you warm at night

Then, tell me, why you actin' cold to me?

You ain't the only one to blame, no, I'm the one that made you rich

When I bought every lie you sold to me

Yeah, heard you threw away the pictures

But you still got the memories of us

So I guess I don't really make a difference

After the playbook, nobody really wanted to be friends with Chuck. So, when (Y/N) showed slight interest, Chuck pounced at it. Though, it seemed to have been a waste of time since he deleted all their pictures off social media. (Y/N) knew there was a romance, a spark, between Josie and Chuck. But Chuck assured (Y/N) that they were just friends. (Y/N) tried to believe him but at the end, he knew it was a lie.

Flippin' through 'em in your head

Got you texting me all hours of the night

Yeah, you told me that you needed distance

What's the deal with you?

You say you want a man that keeps it real

Then why you mad when I get real with you?

You want someone to pay the bills for you

Went from feelin' you, now I feel for you, liar

(Y/N) had to put his phone on mute thanks to Chuck. If he didn't, he'd be up all night hearing the nofications from Chuck and his texts. Crazy how Chuck wanted distance yet he was the one trying to stay close. (Y/N) had started to like Chuck, mostly going out with him out of pity, but that changed a few months into the relationship. People had started warming up to him again and (Y/N) quickly realized that he was just a tool to get on everyone's good side again. It was annoying.

I heard you told your friends that I'm just not your type

If that's how you really feel, then why'd you call last night?

You say all I ever do is just control your life

But how you gonna lie like that, how you gonna lie like that?

"Hey, (N/N), how's everything going?" Betty asked, nimbling on her bottom lip as she watched him. He furrowed his brows.

"Good, why wouldn't it be?" He questioned.

"Because of the breakup?" It was Betty's turn to be confused. (Y/N) blinked and nodded.

"Oh, right, yeah." He nodded, giving a sheepish smile. "I've got a lot on my mind. I'm actually sketching out a new idea." Betty smiled.

"Really? That's good. At least you've got your mind off Chuck."

"I've been through breakups before, Elle Woods. Chuck is the last thing on my mind, but thanks for worrying. Honestly... He's not really my type."

Look, let me guess, you want to stay friends?

Tellin' people that's how we been?

Tellin' everybody, yeah, that we was barely speakin'

Ah, that's kinda funny, why'd you call me every day then?

It's immaturity, you goin' off the deep end

"I'm glad you and Chuck are still friends."

"Friends?" (Y/N) repeated Ginger's words. "We don't talk. At all." That was kind of a lie. Chuck called and texted everyday but (Y/N) barely replied. (Y/N) shook his head, sighing. He spotted the jock and sent him a text, straying away from his friends. Chuck jogged over, flashing his charming smile.

"What's up?"

"First of all, can you not blow up my phone? Second of all, quit lying. We don't talk and we aren't friends." Chuck frowned at his words.

"What are we?"

"Acquaintances? Exes? Strangers? Take your pick but this isn't friendship." (Y/N) rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

You just want somebody you can chill and get some drinks with, cool

Then don't hit me on the weekend

Tellin' me you missed the way we talked and how I listen, yeah

Why you playin' with my mind, huh?

Why you playin' with my time, huh?

"Listen, (N/N), why don't we talk about this at Pop's? Like we used to. I wanna be friends with you again."

"No, Chuck. I'm tired of.. Of you." (Y/N) confessed. "You got brownie points from everyone, congrats, but can you leave me alone now? I know I sound like a dick but you're wasting my time. Either be my ex or be a stranger, I don't care which. Go find Josie or Moose to keep you company."

"No, baby-" (Y/N) rolled his eyes again at the pet name. "We aren't together anymore, you can stop pretending to like me, Chuck."

Told me, "We should let it go and put it all behind us"

That's what I did, now you askin' me what I done, I was

Waitin' for this day, I saw it comin'

I think you just like attention, tryna tell me all your problems

I got issues of my own, I ain't got time for all this drama

You told me that you don't really wanna talk—then why you callin', huh?

"Let's put the past behind us-"

"I did but it seems like you can't." (Y/N) took out his cigarette pack, glancing at a disapproving Chuck.

"I'm just trying to fit in again, (N/N). I haven't figured out what I want in school yet." Chuck watched as (Y/N) raised the rolled up blunt to his lips.

"You have problems, I have problems, we should just fix them on our own with different people, Chuck." (Y/N) said, glad school had been long over or else he would've definitely been caught and suspended.

"Fine, if you don't wanna talk, we won't talk."

"Good, don't call or text me about anything other than school, aight?" (Y/N) spun around on his heel and went back to Ginger and Tina.

I heard you told your friends that I'm just not your type

If that's how you really feel, then why'd you call last night?

You say all I ever do is just control your life

But how you gonna lie like that, how you gonna lie like that?

(Y/N) grinned, shaking the spray can as he stared up at his finished masterpiece. He was glad Keller let him do art around the town as long as it wasn't offensive. (Y/N) took out a cigarette and lighter, trying to light it but he had run out of fuel. He huffed and pouted until a muscular arm moved around him and lit the cigarette.

"Thanks." He mumbled, looking at the curly haired male.

"You did that?" He asked, taking a seat beside the older teen. (Y/N) nodded.

"It's dope, shit looks professional." (Y/N) chuckled, eyeing the man.

"Yeah, I got inspired by an 'ex', I guess." He looked back at the art on the wall.

"You go to that high school nearby, right?" The man questioned, motioning to the Riverdale sticker on his bag. (Y/N) nodded. The man hummed.

"I suppose that shithole has some talented kids, the rest are nosy fuckers."

"You've hit the nail on the head, my friend." (Y/N) grinned, tossing the spray can off to the side.

How you gonna lie, how you gonna lie like that?

Baby, how you gonna lie, how you gonna lie like that?

How you gonna lie, baby, how you gonna lie like that?

No, no, how you gonna lie like that?

"Back onto this 'ex' of yours, what's the story?"

"He got into a bit of trouble with the school, everyone hated him for a while so he got with me to earn brownie points and then broke up with me. He's an annoying little shit though." (Y/N) told him, shrugging lightly.

"Those types are the worst. Bring out the worst in you." The man said, leaning against the wall. (Y/N) looked at him, admiring his handsome features.

"You don't look like someone from the Northside. So, what brings you here?"

"Wanted to wreck havoc but got caught up with the artistic babe." He replied smoothly. (Y/N) smiled, shaking his head.

"You've got fuckboy written all over you." (Y/N) cooed, ignoring the buzzing of his phone. "Plus, I don't even know your name, sir."

I heard you told your friends that I'm just not your type

(Baby, how you gonna lie like that? No, no)

If that's how you really feel, then why'd you call last night?

(Tell me how you 'bout to lie like that)

You say all I ever do is just control your life

(No, no, no)

But how you gonna lie like that, how you gonna lie like that?

(Oh, yeah)

"Malachai, and yours?"

"(Y/N)." (Y/N) replied, taking out his phone and seeing the texts from chuck. He rolled his eyes, muting his contact before putting his phone away.

"Will I see you again, Malachai?" (Y/N) asked with a grin. Malachai nodded, eyes looking him over again.

"Definitely." He purred in return, sending him a wink before walking to his car.

Tell me how you 'bout to lie like that

Tell me how you 'bout to lie like—

Yeah, yeah, hey

#x reader #x you #x y/n #x male!reader #riverdale x you #riverdale x reader #riverdale x male reader #riverdale x y/n #chuck clayton x y/n #chuck clayton x you #chuck clayton x male reader #chuck clayton x reader #chuck clayton #riverdale malachai x male reader #riverdale malachai x you #riverdale malachai x reader #malachai riverdale

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leonawriter · 6 years

Text

Strength Among the Flowers

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Final Fantasy VII

Characters: Angeal, Aerith, Zack.

Pairings: Zack/Aerith

Summary: Angeal knows how to find Zack when the time comes for the trip to Modeoheim because he’s been to the slums often enough by that point. It's only afterwards that Zack finds out that they both have someone in common now.

Notes: I’d been wanting to write Angeal and Aerith interacting for the longest time, really? And then today I saw art of them together and my brain just gave me these scenes. When I should’ve gone to bed already, of course.

...

Zack isn't there, the first time Angeal visits the slums in search of him.

He'd looked, after Zack had fallen down through the plate, belatedly worried. Too late, of course - just like everything else, it seemed. Too late to find out what was going on with Genesis. Too late to realise it had gone too far already. Too late to realise he couldn't help, and he was part of the problem. Too late to realise that taking his issues regarding his own problems out on other people - people he cared about - was only going to get them hurt.

Zack could have died, from that fall, he realises well after Zack would have hit the ground. Not even mako could save you from a broken neck.

He wouldn't have been in danger if he hadn't refused to fight back, a sharp, snide voice said that sounded too much like Genesis for his liking.

He wouldn't have been in danger if I hadn't attacked him, he thought in response. Because it was true, of course it was true. He was the one who had created his own suffering, and Zack's, as well.

So he'd looked, silently and as invisibly as he'd been able to, flitting between the shadows for just long enough to reassure himself that Zack was alive, that Zack was okay, and long enough to realise that he'd met a girl, too.

He sees them laugh together, smile together, and part of him hurts, because Zack shouldn't be involved in all of this, he should be free to do whatever he wanted, live his own life - but this was the life he'd chosen, and he was too mixed up in things now to back out, whether he wanted to or not.

But when he comes back a few days later, Zack isn't there. He really thought he would be, after the way he'd seen him making eyes at that girl, but instead it's just him and the church and-

-the flowers?

"Oh! Hello?"

And the girl in the doorway.

...

He finds out that her name is Aerith, and that she likes helping the flowers to grow, and that they also grow at her house. That she's never seen the outside sky.

He tells her that he's always had a fondness for gardening, and plants in general, as had his best friend - and though it hurts to think of Genesis as such, to think of everything that had happened and that was gone, never to return, it hurts even more to think for even a second to cut that tie entirely - although Genesis had mainly enjoyed what plants could do, not able to simply appreciate them for what they were.

She told him how there was someone who'd fallen through the roof the other day, who'd almost walked through the flowers before she'd told him not to - he's shaking his head before she even finishes, muttering something to the effect of that sounds just like him.

He doesn't miss the way her eyes harden for just one moment, or the way that, gentle but firm as the mountain, she tells him that this person she'd met, he'd been worried over a friend, who he didn't know how to help.

She doesn't push or pry or assume, just states what she knows as blunt fact, makes him feel just uncomfortable enough that he leaves - not that he should have stayed as long as he had in the first place, when he was only supposed to be finding out information regarding Genesis' whereabouts and passing them on, or at the very least... making sure that Zack was doing well.

...

The next time he sees her, he hadn't even planned to land in the slums, hadn't even planned to encounter anyone at all. But he's just spent several hours in flight, and for the last half hour or so - he hasn't checked his PHS yet to know exactly how long - he's been flying with a fried wing, after something electrocuted him mid-air.

Angeal settles himself in the rafters of the church, grateful that he doesn't share Genesis' fate of degradation, and guilty that he feels grateful that it's happening to someone else, someone he had grown up with and loved like a brother, and not him.

He idly wonders if that makes him any more of a monster, or if that was just human. And if it were just a human trait, then he still wanted none of it, no matter how hard it wished to stick.

He doesn't realise he's shedding feathers - some of which are somewhat scorched and burnt feathers - until he hears a familiar voice calling up at him, saying hello, hellooo...?

The wince he lets out at realising that he's outed himself as inhuman, as something far different from the ordinary SOLDIER the girl had met before, just makes his body cry out in pain, and he grits his teeth against it. For something that could disappear and that he hadn't even been born with, these wings of his could feel pain just like any other part of him could.

"You can come down from there," she continues, "so long as you don't land on the flowers."

It's more like a controlled fall than a true landing, but he does land somewhere other than on the flowers - he'd mess the plants up, and that wouldn't do.

Aerith gasps at the sight of him, and he doesn't know if it's because of the fact that the feathers belonged to him, or because of the state he was in.

"I have a Cure," he says after she shows signs of starting to fuss over him, "I just didn't have a chance to use it until now. It's been... a long day."

He hasn't dismissed his wings while they were injured yet, and he isn't about to start. He notices her watching him as he works the magic on his body, now sat on one of the pews.

"You're... you are the friend that Zack talked about, aren't you," she says. There's more hesitancy there than when she was being circumspect, but Angeal sighs. He doesn't deny it, though.

"A... lot of people are suffering because of things that I've just stood back and let happen. Things I've done. I've hurt Zack," he says, and he wonders what it is about this girl that makes it so easy to open up, so easy to say things he really shouldn't.

She gasps, and backs away a step or two.

But when he looks up, she's still there - just looking down at her feet, and vaguely sad.

"Zack... I think he's stronger than you think," she says at last.

He laughs, at that - Aerith's only known him for what, all of a few days? Less, given they'd hardly kept in contact from what it sounded like. Compared to the months that Angeal had trained Zack... only to have him show little sign of improvement, only to walk out on him in the middle of enemy territory.

Perhaps she was right. And perhaps he really didn't know Zack as well as he'd thought.

...

"Did you know that there are Turks following you?" he asks the next time he drops by - literally, and this time without injuries, so his landing is far more graceful. Not as graceful or anywhere near as dramatic as Genesis would, but it suits him just fine.

Aerith purses her lips, and says that yes, she knew. And then her expression shifts, into something more relaxed. She seems to contemplate something for a moment before she speaks again.

"They want something from me," she says with the air of a well-guarded secret. "They want me to go with them. But I've- I've always said no. I... you understand, right?"

Angeal feels uncomfortable in the strange feeling that he knows something that he doesn't think Zack is aware of, regarding his girlfriend - and whatever this was between the two of them, it did seem to be more serious than the girls Zack had always just chatted up whenever he could - but the way she appealed to him, wanted him to-

It rubbed him the wrong way, reminded him of things best left forgotten, memories of Genesis and hard, cold truths about himself and you cannot live on that side any longer.

"At least you're still human," he says bitterly. "I don't even have that much left."

Aerith looks at him sharply, and for a split second it almost looks as though something he'd said had struck a chord with her, had brought up some painful memory, but that didn't make sense, so it had to be his overactive imagination.

"Zack- Zack said... that, 'normal is overrated', or something like that. I don't think he meant this, but... he was so worried all the time I saw him, I don't... Zack doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd care about things like that."

I think he's stronger than you think, he remembers her saying, but she doesn't know what's going on, can't understand-

And that, he starts to think to himself as he flies further into the city some time later, might even be why she can see more clearly than most of the ones who did understand.

...

It's a few weeks until he sees her again, and when he does she isn't happy to see him.

In fact, if he had to make any comparison at all, he'd say that she reminds him of the way Sephiroth had looked at him, upon his first time seeing the man after his... desertion, he supposes. Full of hurt, and a sense of betrayal that was fully earned in all its entirety.

"You made him cry," she says, full of hurt herself.

He can't really blame her. She treasures Zack so much that anything that hurts him, hurts her, in its own way.

"He'll recover," he says, and flinches from the angry look she sends him. "Better this than that he wound up dead," he adds, unable to look her in the eye this time.

In some ways, Zack would wield that sword far better than he ever had; he had never been able to bring himself to swing it around enough to get in practice, often preferring to use his fists rather than the family heirloom. Zack, though - Zack never went anywhere without a heavy sword, so it wouldn't be so strange to use when he most needed it.

"I don't know what you did, but... never do it again. I can - I can only pick up the pieces of his heart so many times, you know. And... he isn't the only one who cares about you."

He nods, and he's fully prepared to leave - but she lets him stay a while longer, lets him watch as she tends to the plants.

...

Angeal flinches - again - when he hears heavy SOLDIER-issue boots on the church's floor, and when he turns around he sees Zack coming down the middle toward the flowers, his hair styled differently and the Buster Sword on his back.

It's odd, he thinks - odd, how that sword that had belonged to the Hewley family looked so right on Zack like that.

"Aerith? Is this- this is... Angeal."

He had expected Zack to shout at him, to rail at how unfair this all was, to push the Buster Sword back onto its previous owner, or to tell him to get out, get away from Aerith, but none of these things happen. Even if he deserves them.

Zack collapses to his knees in front of him, ruining the more mature image he's somehow managed to cultivate in just a few short weeks, tears streaming from his eyes already.

"Angeal," he says again, voice thick with some sort of emotion, or some mix that he can't even begin to pick apart, "don't you ever- ever do something so stupid again. Ever." Zack sniffs, and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand like some kid who's never heard of tissues or handkerchiefs. "I... I always thought you had the answers to everything. Then this started. And now - I don't even care, man. Just... I don't want to lose you like that."

In all honesty, Angeal wondered who was actually the stronger of them, now - and he can't help wondering if it isn't him, who'd contemplated something so awful, or the one crying in front of him, who he had given his honour and dreams to, even if he were still alive to see Zack carry them.

#ffvii #ff7 stuff #angeal hewley #aerith gainsborough #zack fair #Leona fic

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cwtwheely · 5 years

Text

Pokémon Let's Go Review

Well... this has been a contentious Pokémon game, hasn't it?

While fans were excited that Pokémon was going to be released on the Switch (even if some were disappointed that there would be no more main series games on the 3DS), knowing that the first would include Go elements put some off entirely. Which is understandable; it took about two years for the app to fully form, and its "gameplay" is rudimentary.

But I like Go regardless, and I was looking forward to Let's Go, especially after learning that it was a remake of Yellow (which desperately needed a remake, as the original is incredibly dated).

As for this? I love it. I've been playing it as much as I can since it was released, and I've been having so much fun.

First off, let's talk about the Go aspect. Yes, you no longer battle most of the Pokémon you encounter, but they make sure you have enough of an incentive to catch them other than filling the Pokédex. And it all comes down to catch combos.

Catch combos are earned by catching one species of Pokémon over and over again (you can encounter another Pokémon, run from it and not break the combo). The higher the combo, the more candy and berries you earn.

Candy, which can also be earned by transferring Pokémon to the professor, replace the God awful medical based boosters from the other games which were so expensive and scarce to find in the wild. There are 6 different candy you can earn:

Health - raises HP

Mighty - raises Attack

Tough - raises Defence

Smart - raises Special Attack

Courage - raises Special Defence

Quick - raises Speed

These candy come in normal size (can be used on any Pokémon), large (only work on Pokémon above level 30) and extra large (only work on Pokémon above level 60). There are also Pokémon-specific candy (like Go) which raise every stat of that Pokémon and its evolutionary line (eg: Charmander candy works on Charizard), and the rare candy retains its main series effect of raising the level of a Pokémon.

With these, it's never been easier to unleash the true potential of your Pokémon. It's gotten me into competitive battling a lot more than I thought. And if any system needs to bleed into the main series, it's the candy system.

That said, if it does become a mainstay, it needs a tweak. While I'm not too fussed about grinding for the candy, using them can be incredibly tedious and unnecessarily time consuming. It takes, at most, 10 minutes to fully raise a Pokémon, and that's if you have enough candy to get it that far.

In Go these days, if you have more than one rare candy, and you want to give them all to one Pokémon, you can do so in seconds. It would be nice if that was possible with the Let's Go candy system too, especially with the Pokémon specific candy.

Catch combos offer more benefits than just candy. The further along a chain you get, the more likely you are to find one with the best base stats. You can check these with the Judge feature, which is given to you once you catch 30 different species and talk to an aide on the eastern building out of Fuschia City (heading to Lavender Town). It's another feature that makes it so much easier to invest in getting the best out of your favourite Pokémon (and another feature that needs to be kept).

And, yes, chain combos make things easier to find shiny Pokémon. With a combo over 30, odds are slashed from 1 in just over 4,000 to one in 341. And these odds are made better if you set a lure off and (once you've registered every Pokémon in the Pokédex) the shiny charm.

Also, the higher the combo, the more experience your Pokémon get. While that's great, as is the even distribution of EXP for every Pokémon in your team, it's not ideal. Say you've built a team that you're not entirely happy with. You find a Pokémon you want to include, but realise it's at a much lower level. The only way to build that Pokémon up is to remove all of your current team and grind it up, which is the only major flaw with the catching mechanic. Fortunately, this could only be an issue with any future Let's Go games (if they make more of them).

Yes, some will say "just send it out first in trainer battles!"

You need your stronger Pokémon to support that weaker one, so all the EXP your weak Pokémon gets, your stronger one gets, too (actually, the higher level one gets more, I think). Y

Your team still shares EXP from trainer battles, so you have the same problem.

There aren't as many Trainers as there are wild Pokémon.

Whether they stick with Go catching mechanics, revert to normal, allow players to battle, beat then catch Pokémon (like they do with Snorlax, the Electrode in the Power Plant or the Legendaries) or allow players to choose the best option for them, chain combos should be kept, especially if they're wanting to double down on the competitive scene and allowing everyone a chance to get involved in it.

The catching itself is... alright. While I do like using the Poké Ball Plus, the gyroscope technology in handheld mode is also really good. That said, in a game made to be as accessible as possible, disabled people are abandoned by them.

As someone who is disabled, I'm incredibly fortunate to have little issue using them... for now. One wrong move, however, and I could probably never play the game again. Granted, that's a worst case scenario, but with my condition, that is also a possibility. For a full report on this, I'll refer you to this Kotaku article:

Seriously Nintendo, stop forcing us to accept motion controls! They utterly destroyed Star Fox Zero and they are restrictive as all hell for a series that's meant to be universal! Make them an option if you must, but for God's sake, motion controls should never be the only way to play on a home console!

With all of that out of the way, the story is... well, pretty much the same as the original Yellow version. There are some tweaks; your rival is friendlier than Blue was, Lorelei helps you with Team Rocket on route 10, you see the Cubone try and interact with its dead mother (the most heartbreaking scene in media since Up), you see Blue take over the Viridian City Gym after you beat Giovanni (explaining why you faced him in Gold, Silver and Crystal).

But on the whole, it's simple yet effective. Frankly, it's a better story than Black and White because it doesn't reek of hypocrisy (they're using Pokémon to try and push a message to not abuse animals) and never takes itself too seriously. Besides which, the twist of Giovanni being the Viridian Gym Leader as a means to boost his operation is so unexpected and well handled that it's never been matched.

But on the whole, you beat the Gyms, catch the Pokémon and be the best. It's a formula that works.

Where the game truly shines, however, is the graphics. By the end of the game, I was thinking "why hasn't Pokémon been on a home console before now?" Sure, they wanted people to come together, which was more likely with handheld consoles. But frankly? It held the visual storytelling back so much. And this game is proof of that.

I've mentioned the Cubone moment before, but that whole subplot is the best, most heartbreaking storytelling the franchise has ever had to offer. But the only time that actually worked, and was properly felt, was in this game.

The Gyms also got an upgrade. Most of them were slight updates, but two (Saffron and Cinnabar) have similar mechanics, but a much different feel. Cinnabar especially is so over the top with its quiz theme is just brilliant. I loved it. Saffron's, however, was just breathtakingly beautiful. It was also TARDIS-like in that it's much bigger on the inside. But it's another example of why the Switch makes the game look so much better.

That said, there were a couple of times where I experienced significant frame rate drops in handheld mode (I can't say if it's the same in docked mode as I don't play it that way). It mainly happens at the start of Viridian Forest when there are a lot of Pokémon on screen (be careful when setting a lure off there). I didn't experience any major bugs or glitches other than that, though.

And yes, your Pokémon can (finally) follow you around again. Some (Arcanine, Persian) you can ride on to traverse the world faster. And you can fly over the overworld on a Charizard or Dragonite once you beat the Elite Four (it's tougher to enter buildings though, so you have to spend a couple of seconds trying to land).

Hopefully this means that this feature will be a mainstay. Not only is it fun to interact with your buddy, but they also help you find hidden items in flowers or rocks.

The only Pokémon you can fully interact with is your starter: Pikachu or Eevee. It's similar to Pokémon Amie from X, Y, Sun and Moon, and... well, it's so charming. I often went in just to see her reactions and I wasn't disappointed. She danced, she got excited, she even gave me presents. It's just adorable! Hopefully this stays as well, only for every Pokémon that follows you around.

The menus are fine as well. But in handheld mode, it is rather cumbersome to use the buttons to navigate through them. The touchscreen can be used to interact with your partner Pokémon, so why it couldn't be used to navigate the menus I don't know. Maybe this is one of the aspects they intentionally stripped back? Either way, all us handheld players to use the touchscreen more for the next game please, Game Freak.

Also, the move selection boxes in battle seem... a tad small. It would be nice if they, and the font in them, were made a bit bigger in future games for those with poor eyesight. It's not like they're working with a small 3DS screen any more.

Overall though, I love this game. Yes, it is a stripped back game compared to Sun and Moon (no abilities, less moves). Yes, it has levelling issues. Yes, it has accessibility issues. But the things the game adds make them a fantastic entry point to the series, and competitive battling as a whole.

Plus, it was nice to experience Yellow with a fresh coat of paint. The hardware really helped to enhance the story (again, the Cubone subplot is heartbreaking), the return of travelling partners was great, seeing the Pokémon in the wild made the world feel more alive than it's ever felt.

I'm really looking forward to what they do with the franchise for generation 8. But to tide people over, this was a great instalment. I'd honestly go as far as to say it's one of my favourite Pokémon games ever, just behind HeartGold, SoulSilver, Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.

Is Let's Go perfect? Absolutely not. But I've had more fun with this than I have with a Pokémon game since ORAS. It just puts you in the world and explore everything it has to offer. And for a Pokémon game, that's all I really want. It's a lot more fun than sitting through nearly an hour of cutscenes to actually do anything, only to do it again in "follow up" games that could easily have been sold as DLC rather than another full price release.

#pokemon #gaymer #gay gamer #gay nerd #nerd #gay geek #geek #gamer #video games #nintendo #pikachu #game freak #gaming #nintendo switch #pokemon lets go

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kyunsies · 3 years

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Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that��“southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!!

#asks #💥 anon #my dorm is the oldest one on campus so :’) it looks a little ugly but I try my best MXJDJD #ignore the popcorn bag on the side :)#also peep the jo malone perfume LOL

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