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tinylilemrys · 10 months

Text

Lonely In London

Relationship:

Trent Crimm/Ted Lasso

Additional Tags:

Angst and Romance | Romcommunism | Friends to Lovers | Romantic Comedy | Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Summary:

Henry, worried about how lonely his dad seems to be in London, writes into an advice podcast for some help. A podcast run by an ex-colleague of Trent's – one that he listens to religiously. If Trent falls a little for 'Lonely In London' because he reminds him of Ted, well that's just coincidence. An homage to romcommunism, largely based on 'Sleepless In Seattle' with a few others thrown in for good measure.

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A/N: I'm posting at least the first two chapters on Tumblr, because I have no idea when AO3 is going to be back on its feet and I know I'm looking for fanfic on here too. 💛

CHAPTER 1

It starts one relatively normal weekday in June. Henry is in the living room, with his iPad and new Richmond-branded headphones, a welcome-back-to-England gift from Jamie. Ted is a few feet away at the kitchen table, putting together his plan for the upcoming season.

He's not supposed to be working. Not yet. He's been ordered by Rebecca to take the month to focus on rest and spending as much time with Henry as possible. It's his reward for an incredibly hard-fought season.

Unfortunately Ted's never been one to take much of a break. Not when there was so much still to do.

If he's being honest, a lot of it has to do with Nate's betrayal. It stung then and it stings now and the only way Ted can think of dealing with it is by being better than they were last season. He wishes Nate all the best on his new adventure with West Ham, he really does, but it would be great to succeed in the face of Nate's spiteful turn.

He can't stop thinking about how it had cost Trent his job, and that, more than anything, makes Ted furious. The club would recover, but he could never go back to being Trent Crimm, The Independent.

His train of thought is interrupted by an excited shriek from Henry, who up until that point, Ted assumed was playing games on his iPad.

"Dad! Dad! Guess what? They used my question!" he yells, bounding up to his dad and handing him an earbud. Ted laughs, partly in confusion, partly because Henry is so earnestly excited.

"Whoa, hold on now, Bud. I'm gonna need you to take several steps back in this conversation so I have context." He pops the earbud in. "Who are you sending questions to?"

"It's this podcast called 'Help, I'm So Sad'," Henry explains. "They take questions from people who are sad and give them advice."

Ted's stomach plummets. Both he and Michelle knew it was a risk, having Henry come to London for the whole summer. The idea was to give Michelle a break to spend some time with Doc-- with her new boyfriend, while giving Ted some quality time with his son. Throw in the promise of one-on-one training with Henry's hero, Jamie Tartt, and it seemed like a solid plan, albeit one with the potential to go terribly wrong. Henry has never been away from home as long as that, and now, barely a month into his time here, it seems like Henry is so sad he had to write into a podcast about it.

"Oh, Henry," Ted manages to choke out when his breath returns to his lungs a bit. "I love that you're admitting you need help. That's a very important step that not even a lot of grownups get to. I just wish that you knew you could talk to me about these things too. What's got you so sad? Do you want to talk about it or do you just need a hug right now?"

"No, Dad, it's not for me." Henry giggles as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, and Ted feels some of the sensation come back to his hands. Maybe he's not a complete failure as a father after all. In fact, he's so relieved that his son isn't sad to the point of getting write-in advice about it, that the next sentence completely blindsides him. "I wrote to get advice for you."

Oh. Well. Shit.

"Now that was mighty thoughtful of you, Bud," he says, measuring his voice, trying not to panic. The earnest smile on his son's face tells him that all of this was done with the absolute best of intentions. He'll have to course correct on where the healthy boundaries are when it comes to personal struggles, but he can't rightly be mad at his son for something that was done out of kindness. "What did you write to them?"

"Listen," says Henry, scrubbing back a bit in the episode. Ted obeys, heart hammering against his ribcage, the foreboding bubbling up inside him, turning his stomach.

"Smidge," says a woman with a clipped English accent.

"Bits." says a voice in response.

"Lauren says we're going to love this next letter."

"Ooh, I'm listening," Her accent sounds Scottish. At least Ted won't struggle to tell their voices apart.

"It's from 'My Dad's Sad'… aged nine and a half."

Smidge gives a small squeak.

"Oh, we're not going to survive this, are we?" she says.

"Probably not," laughs Bits. "Okay here it goes. Dear HISS. My friend told me about this show. Her mom listens to it a lot, even though we're in America and you're in England. My dad is also in England, so I was hoping you would be able to give him some advice since you're right there.

"He's been very sad ever since him and my mom got divorced. My mom has a new boyfriend and they seem to be happy, but my dad is still sad. He says that he's happy with work and even though he has a really cool job that he's very good at, I can see that he isn't happy. He pretends to be and I think most of his friends at work think he is, but I know he isn't. Even though we still play catch and Minecraft and build LEGO like we used to, I can tell the whole time he's not enjoying it like he did before. He doesn't ever go out on dates or even talk to anyone except his work friends. I don't get to see him a lot, since I don't normally live in London with him, so I don't know how to help. How can I make my dad be happy again like he used to always be? Love, My Dad Is Sad, nine and a half."

"Oh bless him," says Smidge. "Well, My Dad Is Sad, I think in this case the only advice we can really give you is to talk to your dad about it. He probably doesn't know that seeing him unhappy is upsetting you as much as it is."

"Yeah, I agree," says Bits. "And maybe he hasn't given himself the permission to let the old times go yet. I know when my parents got divorced, my mum struggled a long time with letting go of what we used to be. She didn't date for ages afterwards because she said she didn't want to introduce too much change into my life, but it was really her excuse for not wanting to move on herself. And you know what, My Dad Is Sad? He sounds like a really good father even though you don't get to see him a whole lot. Sounds to me like if you talked to him about this, he would be willing to listen."

"Of course I would," says Ted, who has tears streaming down his face despite his best efforts to keep it together. He removes the earbud and pulls Henry into a tight hug. "Oh man, I didn't realise you were so worried about me, Champ."

"I try not to be," says Henry, and Ted can hear by the wobble in his voice that he's also crying. "I just wish things could be like they used to be."

"I know, I know. I do too," says Ted, rubbing Henry's back soothingly before pulling away to look him in the eyes. "But, hey, look, I need you to know that I am getting help, alright?. I have a great therapist who's helping me work through a whole bunch of things I've never ever thought to work through. Things I'll be able to explain to you properly when you're a bit older. So even though I might be sad now, and even though it might not ever go away completely, I want you to know I'm working on getting better, okay?"

"Okay," nods Henry. He wipes his arm across his eyes. "Sorry for crying so much."

"Hey now, ain't nothing wrong with a good cry," says Ted. "And in any case, I started it. So you don't get to be sorry about it even if you wanted to be."

"That's not how it works, Dad." Henry smiles a little and it's better than the sun peaking between the clouds on a rainy London day.

"Oh, shoot, you're so right." He slaps his forehead for comedic effect, this time even drawing a little giggle from his son.

I really do owe you so much, Kiddo, he thinks to himself.

"Look, would it count as a start if I wrote into these kind ladies to say thank you for the advice?" Henry nods enthusiastically and Ted laughs. "Well, that's settled then."

He saves and closes the report he was working on and opens his email.

"Dear Smidge and Bits," he says out loud as he types. "And Lauren too I guess…"

He begins typing up the email, Henry leaning against his shoulder until he gets bored and goes off to play on his iPad some more. Once he's sure that Henry's engrossed in his task again, Ted decides to give his letter a bit more context, so that they understand he's not a completely lost cause.

After reading and rereading the message again, he sends it off, taking a deep breath as it moves from his outbox to his sent folder. The afternoon sun is striping across the living room floor and Ted realises they've been too cooped up all day. It's time to head down to the Green for a kickaround.

"Hey, Bud, boot up. We're heading out."

***

It doesn't matter how many times Trent leaves Anabelle, it never gets any easier. She looks so genuinely distraught that he feels physically ill looking at her. She loves Shaun, Trent knows she does, but she's still so little, and he knows she doesn't understand what's happening to her. When Trent deposits her into her other father's arms and turns to leave, and she screams like she's being subjected to the deepest betrayal, Trent feels his heart break that little bit more.

After one last glance back at the house, where Shaun has finally managed to wrestle the door closed behind him and the screaming four-year-old, Trent sighs, sets his satnav from "Shaun's Place" to "Home" so he doesn't get lost, and reluctantly pauses the complete Bluey soundtrack. He's about to get going when he remembers that he's promised to text Ted that he's safely in Aberdeen.

He doesn't usually text Ted his whereabouts. It was all down to a chance encounter a few days ago out on the Richmond Green. He'd bumped into Ted and Henry kicking a football back and forth and when he explained that he was taking Anabelle to get her favourite ice-cream, Ted asked if he and Henry could tag along.

Trent wasn't about to find a reason to say no even if there was one.

Despite the growing pit of dread in his stomach at having to leave his daughter, he'd had a surprisingly good afternoon. While Henry and Anabelle had giggled together about whatever kids find funny at that age, Ted and Trent had talked about everything and nothing. About Trent's firing and Richmond's chances in the upcoming season. About Henry staying for the summer and about how it was Anabelle's other father's turn to take her. Trent could have spent all day there, but a huge chocolate-stained yawn from his daughter had told him it was time to say his farewells.

"Hey, I know we're not on best bud terms yet," Ted had said and Trent had smiled at the word 'yet'. Like it was an inevitability that they would be one day. "It's just I know it's a long drive to Aberdeen and it would set my mind at ease to know that you made it there safe."

"I'll text you when I get there," Trent had replied, trying to ignore the way his stomach flipped at the idea that Ted was that concerned about his safety.

"I'd appreciate it, Mr Independent." Ted had offered the most devastating wink then, and Trent knew there was no way he wasn't going to do as promised.

It's nice to have a somewhat positive excuse to text him for a change. The past few texts back have all been Trent delivering bad news, including the latest one informing Ted that he'd accidentally locked his keys in his car. Okay, maybe that had been worse for him.

Hi, Ted – in Aberdeen safely. I'm just stopping at a service station to get a coffee and a bite to eat and then should be on my way back to London. Thanks again for your concern. Hope you're having a lovely Saturday with Henry.

By the time he gets to the nearest service station, there's a voice note waiting from Ted.

"Hey TC! Thanks for the message! Glad to hear you made it to Scotland safe. Hope you're holding up okay? I know it doesn't get any easier to let go of your kiddo, no matter how many times you do the handover. Holler if you want to talk about it. Or even if you want someone to take your mind off it. I have it on good authority that my ability to talk for hours about absolutely nothing is practically a superpower."

Trent gives a little huff of laughter at the direct quote from one of his Ted Lasso articles.

"At the very least, please let me know when you're back in London again, no matter what time of the night it is. Drive safe and I'll see you around."

He probably won't – not with Trent no longer covering AFC Richmond – but it's a lovely thought all the same. As is the idea that he has an offer to call Ted for the sake of just talking to him for a bit of company. He can't imagine working up the nerve to actually take him up on it, but it's fun to imagine.

He reacts to the message with a heart emoji, and then, panicking how that might come across, changes it to a sunflower instead. Friendly. Happy. Safe.

He really is such an idiot when it comes to Ted.

Fuelled up on coffee, an overpriced BLT, and, well, actual fuel, Trent loads up the latest episode of his friend's podcast and begins the long journey back to London.

He refers to Help, I'm So Sad as his friend's podcast, but he's not sure he could actually classify Lauren as a friend. Certainly, they were colleagues for many years and she was one of the people he hated the least. She worked in a different department, covering high society. Until one day as legend had it (Trent had been covering a match that day) she'd declared loudly to everyone in the cafeteria that she couldn't take it anymore, strode out of the building, and never came back.

Though he was convinced at the time that it was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard someone do to their career, he couldn't help but admire the nerve it must have taken. Now, with the hindsight of his own firing, it seems even cooler. He wishes he could have left The Independent with his head held high, instead of with his eyes on the carpet, trying to balance the embarrassment of his dismissal with the lack of regret he felt at treating Ted like a decent human being..

In any case, Trent finds her podcast quite entertaining and listens to it as often as he can. What better remedy for his own foul mood could there be than listening to other people's problems for an hour?

At first, it's not particularly effective. The voices seem to blend into the sound of rain beating against his windshield as Trent wonders if Anabelle has stopped crying by now. If Shaun's remembered to take out her favourite bath time toys. If he still remembers all the words to her special lullaby.

It's only the phrase 'My Dad Is Sad' that draws him out of his lull.

"…then we have an exciting follow up for you," says Bits. "My Dad Is Sad's sad dad reached out to the show after hearing his son's lovely little letter."

"Ohhhh my god," says Smidge. "I'm going to be a wreck."

So am I, thinks Trent. He'd cried at the kid's letter last episode.

"Well buckle up then," says Bits. "Sorry, listeners. This one's a little on the long side, but if you're anything like us, you won't care all that much. Here we go."

Bits starts reading the letter, and Trent, indeed, doesn't care that it's longer than normal because it's perfect.

Dear Smidge and Bits (and Lauren too, I guess)

He can't help but smile at Lauren being included.

I can't say I know much about your show, other than that my sweet boy decided you were the right people to talk to about my overwhelming sadness for the past few years. I have a smart kid, and I trust his judgement, so as such, I have to thank you for the kind advice you gave him.

I want it to be known that I am in therapy and I'm working on getting myself back up on my feet. There's a lot I've been struggling with that I didn't know I was struggling with, even beyond the divorce, and as I'm working through it, I'm starting to slowly return to myself. That's not to say I have it all figured out. More than anything I'm still trying to figure out how to be a good full-time dad when I only get a fraction of the time I want with my kid.

Trent's stomach does a little somersault. As silly and parasocial as he knows it is to feel things for a person who for all intents and purposes isn't real, he can't help but be taken by this man and the way he talks about getting better for his son's sake. It's why he'd insisted on couples therapy when he was still married. It's why he immediately found a therapist for both Anabelle and him after the split. After the disaster of Shaun, there's nothing Trent finds sexier than a man who's serious about his mental health.

And that's not even touching on my love life, the lack of which seems to be causing my kid a deal of concern. It's not for lack of trying. My job makes dating a little more complicated than it is for most folks and I realise that after 20 years of being in the same relationship, I don't have the game I once thought I did. I've been in a bit of a situationship with a lovely lady on and off for the past couple years and when I tried to shift it over into the relationship zone, I was soundly and correctly shut down.

"Sounds like a mistake to me, Ma'am," mutters Trent, chastising himself even as he does. He's being ridiculous. The man could be a serial killer for all he knows. She might have actually made an incredibly intelligent decision. He doesn't know and he shouldn't care.

Now, I have a crush on a guy that it would be way too complicated to date.

Bisexuality? Now that is a plot twist. And it's not doing anything to stop the surge of affection he feels for this random anonymous person.

Not between the two of us, mind. I think we'd get along like a house on fire. We do get on like a house on fire. But it would be a bit of a PR nightmare and I don't want to put our burgeoning friendship in the line of fire like that. For that reason, I've decided tamping down my romantical feelings so I can just focus on being his friend. I think it's something we both need.

That's pobably for the best, honestly. Trent has been witness to and involved in his own fair share of PR disasters throughout his career. It rarely ends well.

All that to say, as much as I'm working on getting better, I'm honestly still pretty lonely. It's not helped by being a fish out of water in a country that only just now seems to be warming to me. I guess if I could ask any advice from my own perspective, it would be: how do you start again and put yourself out there after 20 years of being so firmly off the market, you tried to believe the market didn't exist?

Sincerely,

Lonely in London.

Smidge and Bits immediately set about providing all the advice they can, but Trent isn't really paying attention anymore.

He feels for this man. He knows what it's like to be so lonely it aches. Even in his marriage, things had been so fraught that most nights he lay next to Shaun feeling like a shell. There was always something inside him reaching out for something life sustaining that he was fundamentally lacking – like lungs trapped underwater gasping for air.

And he knows firsthand how London exacerbates that feeling. People who'd sooner spit in your face than ask you how you're doing. Cold modern buildings that make you feel insignificant in comparison. Grimy old structures that remind you the city's history spans millennia and your story is barely a blip on the radar. The contrast of windows glowing gold at night against the icy blue of the streets, reminding you that there are people that don't feel the same crushing isolation.

And, sure, Anabelle is a lifeline against the crushing loneliness, but what is he supposed to do when she's an eight hour drive away? He can't even imagine being on a different continent to his child altogether.

This is how Lonely In London consumes his thoughts for hours. Trent finds himself scrubbing back in the episode to listen to the letter again, until he practically has it committed to memory, each time feeling a deeper connection to this complete stranger.

If this man is Lonely In London, he's Isolated in Islington, and he's never related to anyone more.

If you were being honest, a nasty voice says in his head at about the four hour mark, you would admit that the reason you feel like you fancy this guy is because he reminds you of Ted.

With that final unhelpful thought, Trent knows it's time to change the subject. He finds one of his old faithful football podcasts and decides he won't spend another second more thinking about Lonely In London or Ted Lasso, even when he's brought up in discussions about Richmond's chances this season.

It's almost two in the morning when he finally gets back to his flat. He's too tired to even change out of his clothes, instead collapsing face-first onto his bed and toeing off his shoes over the side. He's about to let himself slip off to sleep when he remembers he promised Ted he'd text him when he got home. Groggily, he picks up his phone and types a quick message.

Home safe. Smooth drive home. Thanks again for the concern. Sleep well.

It's barely a minute later when his phone buzzes. Did Ted wait up for him?

Glad to hear you're home in one piece. Sleep tight, Trent Crimm. 🌻

It's only the next morning that he fully notices the sunflower and decides that with Ted Lasso around, perhaps London is a little less lonely than it used to be.

Next Chapter

#tedependent #tedtrent #ted x trent #trent x ted #ted lasso #trent crimm #ted lasso fanfic

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chaos64sprinkles · 2 months

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Reuniting with Skullck after the Riot Resolved! (Shorts)

03/08/24 5:34pm

Sprinkles: Okay Slash, after a good time with the bot and yin-yang reading the books in Cabby's library workshop, I think it's time to meet skullck again, as it's been a while since we last saw them.

N/A: I think he must be very worried about us thinking that we die by being blown up into confetti after a war or fight.

Sprinkles: So let's hurry up and calm him down and make him feel better when he sees we're intact!

Sprinkles: There he is, he seems very comfortable and calm that nothing had happened to us.

N/A: Yeah, it's funny, I've never seen him sleeping in this position outside of the earth.

Sprinkles: Wait, what's the iPad doing on the floor?

Sprinkles: Ahh he was watching a 2 hour movie and fell asleep in the middle, losing the other half that had finished.

N/A: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, I think he must have given up and got on the sona halfway through because this movie is as bad as it looks.

Sprinkles: Hey Skullck, wake up, skullck, skullck, skullck.

Skullck: Uh, what, what are you getting scared of, wait, are you in heaven with me because we died or is it just an optical illusion and the mouse is the one poking me there.

N/A: No, that's it man, if we were rats we'd be in your head sniffing for food or something.

Sprinkles: We're here for life!

Skullck: Ohhh, I see you fought hard and saved yourselves in that turmoil from those fierce claws of that soft spring and that bad gear and detonated them without mercy, didn't you?

Sprinkles: Look Skullck, that didn't actually happen but it was a long story, but that's not exactly how it all happened.

N/A: Yeah and I didn't even go to that riot because of my cowardice.

Sprinkles: What happened was that the finalists were holding a vote to melt or not melt the mephone4, I still wanted to melt it but after Balloon's speech about his past about what mine would be like if I continued acting that way made me change idea and I voted not to melt it, then a lot of things happened until everything worked out for everyone, including me with yin-yang and we even built a library workshop for Cabby, who was the champion of the reality show!

N/A: It's true and I just showed up there later when I saw this library and went to see what was there and I went to join the bot and the others to listen to the story that Cabby was telling and after all that I and sprinkles we went to pick up our favorite books for you to read with us at a specific time!

Skullck: Wow, I can't wait to read your favorite books, because mine is Pirate and I can show you my book so we can read it together!

Sprinkles: And know Skullck that even though you are not like one of us inani-mates, you will still always be a member of our inani-mate family even if you are a bone skull!

N/A: Yeah and even though we will visit our owners to spend a little more time with them, we will always come back to spend more time with you Skullck, indeed!

''While Skullck's friends hug you, he hugs them too!''

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ikingsley · 3 years

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Ina x MC: Another Woman

Summary: Ina has a secret admirer.

Warnings: Fluff!

Tag: @samanthadalton @domakir @kulaykape @hellyeah90sbaby @dopeyouth @kwaj05 @thedaft1 @swimmingshoebakerydreamer

Author’s Notes: A little fic for Valentine’s Day! Thank you to my friend @kwaj05, the “Prompt-Giver” and my personal editor LOL.

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Belvoire’s campus buzzed with anticipation. It was only a few days before Valentine’s Day, but students already made plans to woo their classmates or planned grand gestures for the people they were with. Even the quietest of students absorbed the campus’s lively energy, acting more extroverted than ever. Maybe it was just being overtly friendly or being flirtatious, but everyone felt the effects of the holiday spirit.

Luna was no exception. As an intelligent, witty, attractive young woman, she was often hit on by both male and female classmates. But the stunner only had eyes on one particular woman, a certain stuffy professor. So when people flirted with her, she often nodded politely, or smiled and turned away. The lack of interest she expressed was received by her admirers, who disappointedly backed off.

It was the day before Valentine’s Day, and students piled into Professor Kingsley’s ample classroom. They came in pairs, chatting lively with their lovers.

The class started quite uneventfully. Ina watched as Luna took her seat, flashing a knowing smile as Luna nodded back at her. Then Ina began her lecture, which very suitably was about the power dynamics between couples. Ina knew that some of her students had tuned her out, but every time she looked on at Luna, she was met with a piercing pair of eyes. And this was satisfactory enough to her. Each time, she would smile to herself, motivated to continue lecturing.

And right before she was going to let the class work on their own, a soft knock at the door was heard.

“Professor Kingsley? I have a package for you,” a voice rang out.

“Hmm,” Ina hummed. She hadn’t been expecting a delivery. Maybe it was a romantic gesture from Luna.

Ina got up and opened the door. Nosey students stretched their necks out to see what was the mysterious package, Luna included. Luna had absolutely no idea what Ina could have gotten. She was more lowkey, a person who wanted to keep her private life, private. She’d celebrate with Ina on their own terms, and found no need to plan huge public gestures.

It was much to Luna’s surprise when the delivery man presented her with a teddy bear, chocolates and a bouquet of red roses. The gift was left anonymous and Ina thought she knew who had given it to her.

What... Luna thought. Red roses? That was her and Ina’s flower to each other. It carried a heavy weight, especially after the sabbatical ordeal.

Luna was uncharacteristically not having it. But a wolf-whistle from several of the frat boys in her class brought her out of her stupor. Is this was jealousy feels like? she thought. But I’m not a jealous person!

“Damn Prof! I see you,” Ford commented.

Luna did a quick glance around the room. Everyone around her was smiling, and to not look like an outlier, Luna put on her best fake smile. Meanwhile, Ina smiled sheepishly at the boys’ wolf-whistle and Ford’s comment. She gave Luna a quick glance, one that lasted merely a quarter of a second. Had she really given Luna a good look, she would have been able to tell something was wrong. But Ina’s quick glimpse at Luna’s faux demeanor made her assume that the sender was in fact her girlfriend.

Ina smiled to herself and subsequently wrapped up class. Today she was teaching back-to-back classes, and Ina made sure that Luna was well-aware she wouldn’t be able to lag behind to avoid them being caught. Quickly, Ina was left with an empty classroom. Everyone had places to go and people to see. Though she found it odd that Luna hadn’t even acknowledged her on her way out, Ina didn’t think much of it.

“Baby, I’m home!” Ina called out.

Night had fallen quickly. Ina had a faculty meeting that seemed to last hours. Dean Steinhelm had droned on again, and many of the professors fought to stay awake. Despite a relatively boring meeting, Ina had noticed that Professor Alvarez was looking at her every so often. As the newest addition to the sociology department, Professor Alvarez had worked closely with Ina. Ina once was the new teacher in Belvoire’s human science school, and she knew how isolating the experience could be. Ina took Alvarez under her wing, like a sort of mentor, despite their age difference of only a few years.

Ina walked into the office, and put down her work bags. She then strolled into the bedroom, where she found Luna sprawled on the bed doing homework. Ina stood leaning in the doorway, drinking Luna up.

“Are you gonna greet me or just stand in the doorway like a brooding loner?” Luna said, without looking up from her laptop.

“I do not brood,” Ina said, finally shuffling towards the bed.

“You so do,” Luna replied coldly.

Brr! Ina thought. Luna’s tone was slightly reprimanding, leaving Ina concerned. She seemed fine during class...“Lu, are you okay?”

“Hmm. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just tired,” Luna sighed.

The hours that passed between the class and now had calmed Luna down. Sometimes it would cross her mind and she’d feel a sense of jealousy wash over her. Luna hadn’t considered herself a jealous person, but with Ina it was different. There was just something about her. But then Luna realized that she was being unreasonably jealous. Ina was by far the most popular professor, and one of those stupid frat boys probably sent her that gift. And then she’d laugh because she knew the frat boys would never have a chance with Ina. This vigorous cycle repeated itself, but eventually she’d felt relieved. Ina was hers.

Ina crawled into bed, wrapping Luna in her arms. “Hey, thanks for the gift today in class,” Ina whispered into Luna’s ear.

And again, Luna felt jealousy course through her, “Ina, that wasn’t-”

“The mysterious aspect of it was quite hot. But it was also swee-” Ina said letting out a hot breath.

“Ina! That wasn’t me!” Luna exclaimed.

“Oh. So...who was that then?” Ina asked quizzically.

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“Does my secret admirer bother you?”

“Not really. I know you’re mine and I’m yours.” Luna’s jealousy fluctuated often, but she didn’t want Ina to feel bad about the present. Ina had no control over who found her attractive. I mean, come on. Ina was just drop dead gorgeous.

“I’m glad. A couple of my relationships...have deteriorated because of jealousy. I don’t need that extra drama in my life,” Ina said.

Now Luna really didn’t want to bring up her varying jealousy. She turned away from Ina, and Ina fell asleep holding Luna.

Hours passed by. It was almost four in the morning, and Luna was still wide-awake. She tried so hard to not feel jealous - that was so unlike her - but something wasn’t sitting right with this whole secret admirer thing. Ina shifted in her sleep, pulling away from Luna.

“Ina?” Luna asked.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Ina turned to Luna.

“No, I’ve been up.”

“Why?” Ina shifted to check the time “Jesus Lu, it’s almost four!”

“I...” Luna began.

“What is it?”

“I know you didn’t want me to be jealous and normally I’m not but I don’t know, something feels off. I know it’s not your fault, but the red roses are our thing and I-”

Luna’s rambling was cut off by a forehead kiss.

“It’s okay. I know I’d feel jealous,” Ina admitted. “It’s cute that you’re a little jealous. But I’m yours. And yours only.”

Luna sighed in relief.

“Is this why you’ve been acting weird?” Ina asked.

“I guess. Sometimes I feel jealous, but other times I know that it’s always been us. Not anyone else. My feelings have changed every couple moments.”

Ina gave her another forehead kiss.

“It’s only you,” Ina smiled while Luna leaned in for a kiss. The jealousy she felt dissipated. Their relationship had only been strengthened by the secret admirer. The two broke out into raucous laughter. It was a weird situation, but they had gotten through another hurdle together.

“Who do you think sent it? ‘Cause I think we need to have a little chat,” Luna said, cracking her knuckles in a fake overprotective nature.

Ina laughed, but racked her brain.

“Do you think it was a frat boy?” Luna hummed.

Ina shook her head. “Gifts from those students tend to be more...flamboyant and never anonymous.” Ina recalled getting serenaded by the football team on various occasions.

Finally, Ina gasped. “Oh my god...it’s Professor Alvarez!”

“The new professor of sociology?!” Luna laughed.

“Yes! Just because I was being nice to her doesn’t mean I was hitting on her!” Ina followed. “Wait...she’s married...to a man. Hold on! She mentioned she was going to send me a gift for helping her adjust to Belvoire. That’s why she was looking at me in the faculty meeting. She wanted to see if I figured out it was her! The cheap ass! I guess that’s what was on sale because of Valentine’s Day.”

“What’s your definition of nice to her? Because being nice to a friend is different than being nice to your girlfriend.” Luna whispered in Ina’s ear, her hot breath hitching Ina’s own breath.

“Come here so I can show you what nice is,” Ina said, straddling Luna’s hips.

Luna woke up to the smell of something pleasant. That can’t be Ina, she thought. She threw on a satin robe and walked to the kitchen. Her jaw dropped.

“Ina! You didn’t burn your apartment down?” Luna snickered.

Ina rolled her eyes, but didn’t turn around. “I have to focus!” she said, pointing at the iPad next to her. It was playing a very detailed video about cooking eggs and bacon. “Go back to bed.”

“Aww, breakfast in bed?” Luna smiled.

“Mhm,” Ina hummed back. “Now go before I actually burn my place down.”

“Simp,” Luna said under her breath, turning to return to the bedroom.

“I heard that!” Ina laughed.

Ina came with two plates of bacon and eggs in her hands.

“I know you felt off after yesterday, but Happy Valentine’s Day, my love,” Ina said. “I’m yours, and yours only. Also, I didn’t want to buy anything because Valentine’s Day is the epitome of a capitalism-”

She was cut off by Luna reaching up and kissing her forehead.

“Babe, I’ve heard this rant before. You’re such a nerd, but I love you,” she said pointing at her lips. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Ina put the plates down, kissing Luna with everything in her.

#ina kingsley #queen b #ina x mc #choices #luna garcia

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literaphobe · 4 years

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season four of she-ra rated by catradora content

the coronation: okay so... rightfully. there’s nothing i should be appraising here. adora and catra didn’t interact or bring each other up at all. but bro... catra’s new outfit... the best character of season four. i’m kidding but also she is so hot. catra seems to be dealing w the portal incident by framing it as a victory, since the rebellion was hurt by it. but also who cares. who fucking cares man. her arc this episode was about her deciding to make hordak her little bitch and design a new sexy outfit. that adora did NOT talk about nor seem visually affected by >:( yes, this entire season will be measured by how much i think it was a missed opportunity that adora did not get to thirst. jk but also am i? 500000000/10 for catra’s new look, 0/10 for official catradora stuff

the valley of the lost: god...... this episode. i know it’s like one of the few catradora moments we have this season already but it makes me LIVID that adora said that flirty ass line and catra never even got to hear it. anyway, let’s begin properly. double trouble seeks catra out and says they’re gonna be her new best friend. catra says “oh, yeah? i’m done with best friends”, making it official that she and adora broke up 😔 like friend broke up oh my god 😔 KFKSKDKD like we been knew but i think it is so dramatic and funny of catra to announce that she’s never having a best friend again because adora broke her heart 😔💔 i mean i know it’s also like sad but let’s keep it light ok uwu anyway. sigh. double trouble! auditions for catra! by pretending to be her in battle! which is great for them, but not for me and my hang ups about adora bringing back a flirty line catra said to her in season one and winking and then catra doesn’t hear or see ANY of it. sigh. let’s go through the scene. adora sees who she thinks is catra run in and say “hey! careful with the goods”, pouncing on adora and taking her down. adora tosses dt!catra into the walkway above and they get a cut on their face. not sure whether this is meant to signify adora pulling less of her punches around catra or double trouble just not being as agile as catra is in combat. it’s probably the latter because when you think about it, throwing catra away is much more of a defensive tactic than an offensive one. anyway! double trouble still does a more or less good job fighting adora as catra. huntara calls adora over and is like hi adora! could you stop fighting ur gf for one fucking second? we need you to do literally anything else. and adora (who has NO IDEA she’s not fighting her ACTUAL gf) is like :( wait no what really?? ok :( one sec tho lemme pull off this super cool sexy farewell thing before i stop fighting catra i’ve been practicing it for years u kno kinda been working up to doing this bit. and then she. grabs dt!catra after stopping them from running away, and grabs this trap thingy to trap them against the side of this wall. “i got something more important to do :) it was fun distracting you though ;)” and she actually WINKS and she looks SO PROUD of her damn self but it means pretty much NOTHING because that’s not ACTUALLY catra :( wtf :( the worst thing about this whole situation is that adora clearly wanted to do her whole super strong super powered thing and then go BACK to catra and like.... gloat or something.... flirt some more.... kiss her.... i don’t know. but dt!catra is gone because they’re good at getting out of tight spots, and adora is like “how did she get out of that? :( i wanted to see more of her tf....” anyway double trouble, scorpia, and catra are escaping in a skiff after this. catra thinks double trouble did marvelously. “i grew up with adora, and you fooled her” well catra. i’m very sorry. but if i were adora seeing you in that new look for the first time, i wouldn’t be checking to see if u were ooc. i would be.... hm idk.... flirting with you as hard as possible? like i know i complained that we never got a proper reaction from adora re catra’s new outfit, but i think we could interpret this scene as a lapse in adora’s morals <3 like she gave catra such a hard stare the last time they saw each other, and the next time they saw each other (after this) adora glared at her too, but somehow this time she’s all 👅👅👅👅👅it was fun distracting you ;) ;) ;) like ok. slow down there horn dog. “if you can do that, we can do anything. this is gonna be fun...” catra :( perhaps you would have more fun :( if you suggestively fought with adora :( yourself? :( 8/10

flutterina: catra’s having bad dreams :( her mistakes and past actions are haunting her and the guilt is messing her up so bad :( so what am i choosing to focus on? the fact that adora was in her dream :) dream!adora looks Angry and dream!catra is scared and backing away :( a quick callback to when adora gave catra an angry Look when she destroyed the portal, and catra looked scared for a second before her face hardened back to something equally pissed off looking. so this dream obviously tells us that the thought of adora genuinely just hating and being pissed off at catra... hurts and scares her. because we all know that she loves adora and just wants adora to love her back! but.... ya lmao. dream!adora asks “why did you do it?!” reminiscent of what she said last season, but angrier this time. and we all know that catra doesn’t really know why. sometimes things torture you so bad and you do stuff that you can’t come up with sound or logical reasons for. u would rather keep running or keep deflecting, and so catra deflects dream!adora’s questions by waking up. i wonder if catra dreams about adora more than what we’re shown in this scene. i also REALLY wanna know if adora dreams of catra. i want more :( why this season gotta be the fucking break up season bro :( like i KNOW they’re thinking of each other. gimme the content :( for now, let’s skip ahead to💔 their only real interaction this season💔 holy fuck. stay strong u guys. stay strong me. i think it’s very offensive of she-ra to not give me a catradora heavy season every season? like yeah this season is good but god at what cost? they should’ve known i was going to do an evaluation? :/ that i was gonna rate each ep out of ten according to how much catradora content there was? :/ the fuck bros. ,,,,anyway, let’s get to the actual scene. catra’s walking around w an ipad and scorpia is talking to her. catra looks like. v serious and :| and >:/ BUT when scorpia asks about she-ra catra becomes >:) and >:D “she-ra was in elberon, which means she’s nearby.” “do you think she’ll try some secret attack? :0” “;D oh i’m counting on it ;)” fucking god catra can you just flirt normally??? like be horny in a normal way??????? u can just ask adora out on a date. have u tried that? i know she blocked u for nearly destroying the world but adora’s a hoe ❤️ she would’ve said yes ❤️ u don’t need to kidnap a town as an excuse to see her ❤️ yes i know she did it to plant flutterina!DT into the rebellion as a spy but shhhhh ❤️ we finally get to the most GORGEOUS “hey adora”,,, ever because it’s the only hey adora of this season 💔 i looked back and we did not get a ‘hey adora’ last ep. honestly, adora should’ve figured it wasn’t catra JUST from the lack of greeting. catra is fucking POLITE ok :( anyway. it’s so homophobic that we only got ONE “hey adora” in THAT LOOK but..... it’s okay. because it’s such a good one. catra’s hand is propping her face up and she just looks so pretty.... the way she SAYS the hey adora too like bros... how we holding up? bad? she’s posing and lounging so prettily... “took you long enough to show up” HHHHH why does she sound like a gf who’s a little :/ that her gf showed up late for their date.... bro....... must she SMILE that prettily..... also adora’s reaction... she goes :0 and her EYES get this like ‘oh wow’ look for a Moment right before she remembers she’s supposed to be mad when she sees catra then she’s like >:( CATRA >:( and like. let’s dissect that look for a moment? it’s almost like AWE but why??? why would she be at all surprised to see catra??? catra is IN the horde like. she got happy for a moment until she remembered she’s meant to be mad. good bye <3 i will now be passing away <3 “seriously. i thought i’d have to kidnap another town to get your attention” TO GET. YOUR ATTENTION. HHHHH HELP THEY’RE GAY...... BRO WHY.............. THE GAYNESS UNMATCHED..... anyway catra continues like OH RIGHT u were at a PARTY feeling SPECIAL and adora.... oof oh fuck she COLD she was like skip the SPEECH i’m done playing your GAMES and she like reminds catra of the portal and they just... oof this really IS the breakup season it’s so brutal bros :( can’t they just kiss :( like nooooo don’t stare at each other angrily you’re so sexy aha OK BUT... at the end after catra runs away and adora’s getting hugged by flutterina and everyone’s cheering for her... she lets her ‘catra BAD’ and ‘yay haha rebellion for the win! :)’ facade drop for a moment... and she gets this really sad look on her face that makes u think.... and the next scene we see catra sitting on the ledge of where she and adora used to sit together? and she looks real upset too???? they hate being enemies. 9/10

pulse: in this ep adora fucking SHUSHED spinnerella and netossa while they were bickering and like... ok wow. rude :/ adora straight up was like ok HAHA WOW we GET IT ur HAPPY y’all have WIVES and iiiiiii don’t HAVE a GIRLFRIEND because my crush is EVIL :( on the other hand, we find out that catra is meeting up regularly with double trouble to get intel. it’s very funny because she’s like yeah yeah WHATEVER what can u tell me about SHE-RA >:( like girl? u are not subtle ❤️ catra literally met double trouble and said let’s be friends with benefits ❤️ the benefits? you spy on adora and tell me everything about what she does ❤️ was she pretty today ❤️ haha jk she’s pretty everyday ❤️ here’s some bitcoin for your troubles ❤️ AND THEN the next time double trouble facetimes catra they transform into bow and glimmer to roast them and catra is at most unamused and annoyed but BUT when double trouble pretends to be she-ra catra’s like HAHAHAHDJSJDJSJD OMG,,,, INSPIRED FAM,,,, SO FUNNY TOP PEAK COMEDY,,,, ABSOLUTE LEGEND,,,,,, SHOW ME SHE-RA AGAIN,,,,, u know that thing where you find people who you’re attracted to way funnier than they actually are? ya :-) apparently catra doesn’t even need the Actual she-ra/adora to lose her shit. she just needs to see a physical representation of her and it’s suddenly Peak Comedy. someone once pointed out that this moment was the last time catra was happy all season and... can we take a fucking second to cry about that. haha 💔 anyway double trouble is happy that they finally cracked the code to making catra go from ARGH >:( to HAHAHAHAHAH :D so they give her she-ra intel as a treat ❤️ “she-ra’s going back out to destroy the bot that hurt her friend” “ugh 🙄 typical heroic adora plan” shut up bitch u dream of her lips on yours!!!!!! 7/10

protocol: no rights for white boys ❤️ 0/10

princess scorpia: well, nothing! but since i’m scouring i might as well say the line where catra says “you don’t need a princess in your life telling you what to do!” to hordak she’s actually talking about her and adora haha i mean duh :-) anyway since i’m here can i talk about how hot catra is again this season. i’m madly in love did y’all see her from behind? even her back view is beautiful i am going to combust <3 2/10

mer-mysteries: what a great episode! 0/10

boys’ night out: catra gets banned from doing war crimes because hordak wants to do the war crimes all by himself and this is a real bummer because there’s an even SMALLER chance she’ll bump into adora now :( jk ik she was avoiding her this season because the guilt was eating her alive haha :-) also glimmer and adora fought and we all know that ‘but the rebellion’s in a worse place than ever since you showed up’ is like a very :( line but when u think about it it’s true because adora joining the rebellion pissed catra off so much she became an antagonistic force driving most of the conflict in the series up to this point in the story JFJDDJDJDJ like imagine if they brought catra up in this convo ‘i’m doing my BEST glimmer :(‘ ‘ok but what can we do about your terrible taste in evil women????? was ur catgirl gf ex really worth it????? did she hit that different???? did the catgirl ***** slap that hard????’ 1.5/10

hero: man mara is so hot! 0/10

fractures: scorpia said catra’s name in front of adora... ‘shadow weaver! and at bright moon! everything is making so much sense about why catra’s been acting the way she has’ and adora’s reaction is so interesting.... she goes from this ‘catra....’ look to this ‘catra >:(‘ look and like it’s interesting to see catra’s psyche explained to adora like this and it’s clearly something that makes adora feel bad but then she remembers the bad stuff catra did and forces herself to focus on that. 5/10 for that alone lmao

beast island: bow being very upset and annoyed and disappointed in glimmer is a fun little parallel to how adora has felt about catra’s descent into the darkness. you feel doubly upset and doubly betrayed when someone you’re in love with goes against what you stand for, and the goodness you know they’re capable of but aren’t showing. 1/10

destiny part 1: ‘i’ll be happy when the rebellion and she-ra are gone for good!!!’ are u sure about that catra :/ 1/10

destiny part 2: catra gets into a huge fight with some dude and right after she sort of collects herself after barely beating him she hears “hey, catra” and she completely freezes up. she’s been so proactive with avoiding adora all season... and the moment in 4x03 nearly doesn’t count because she was acting specifically to get double trouble snuck into the rebellion. aside from a necessary interaction in which she was far away and removed from adora anyway.... where she was far enough away to smile and laugh and manipulate the situation.... she hasn’t wanted to see adora at all, clearly. and having this happen now, right after one of her worst fights, right after she thought she was going to win... “no. you can’t do this. you can’t come in and take this from me now.” “woah, i knew this would get a rise out of you, but still, you really are obsessed, aren’t you, kitten?” and catra’s standing there like 👁👄👁 until double trouble reveals themself and says stuff that :( hurts :( i am not going to repeat until i get to anything catradora relevant because i don’t wanna be bummed out ok hoes 😔 anyway double trouble becomes adora again and is like “didn’t need you... left you” and puts catra’s hand on adora’s cheek...... and then shoves catra???? rude :( 7/10

#text #she ra #catradora #spop #here u go lads uwu #hope u guys like this #reblogs w tags much appreciated!#reacts in the replies appreciated too #s4 was so naked but this also meant it wasn't as hellish to make this <3 #remember s3 remember ep?? fuck that was HELL

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paradox-psyc-hoe-sis · 4 years

Text

Overreaction

Loki x reader, Bruce x reader ,(platonic), avengers x reader (platonic).

Word count: 4.9 k

A/n: Heyo! I didn't actually mean for this to be as long as it was, but it turned out to be quite pleasing. Writers block is a bitch so it's taken me a while to write, but I hope I didn't disappoint! Requested by @marvelloonie, thank you for the request! - Aphrodite

Summary: you and Loki have been secretly meeting without the avengers knowing, and when you realise you've fallen in love, you decide it's time to tell the group. After trying to keep you, the groups little ray of sunshine, away from the mysterious asgardian for a while, the group are shocked to find out that you've been seeing each other.

Warninngs: angst, fluff, that's all! Enjoy x

For your entire life, you were always the 'innocent' one. Sure, you were optimised and generally a happy person, but people seem to take advantage of that a lot. That never dampened your mood, though; you always stayed the same happy-go-lucky little burst of sunlight through childhood to adulthood. That's also the reason that upon meeting new people, they never expect your job to be an avenger. Your work never really phased you; most of the people who you killed deserved it, but every now and again there was an odd time where you felt a slight hint of guilt.

Among the avengers, you were known as the little ray of sunshine, too. Pretty much all of the avengers had dark pasts, but not you. You lived a normal life, excelled at school, went to college, and got a normal job. S.H.I.E.L.D discovered you after you got into an accident and were struck by lightning: after you recovered, you found out that you could control lightning. You quickly joined the avengers, and got on very well with everyone. You knew all of the avengers, and were aware of all possible threats, enemies, blah blah, except one. Thor's brother, Loki, had committed several offences in the past, but redeemed himself by helping the team every now and again. You had never met Loki, but the Avengers made it clear that they wanted to keep it that way.

"Hey Steve!" You walked into the common area after a few hours training in the gym. Steve was in the kitchen, passing him as you got a bottle of water, and you looked over to see Natasha, Sam, Bucky and Thor on the sofas. "Good morning guys, how are you all?" You grinned at them as you walked over to sit next to Nat, a slight spring in your step.

"Why are you always so happy?" Bucky grunted as you sat unbeaten him and Nat. Sam gave Bucky a frown, and turned to you. "Don't mind him, he just found out that his favourite TV show has been cancelled."

"Aww, Heroes of Bruin!?" Bucky gave you a small nod, his arms crossed tightly around his chest. You placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, Buck. I'm sure you'll find a better series soon! You can always borrow one of my box sets, you know where they are!" Bucky thanked you, and you sat back on the sofa, taking long gulps of your water.

"Seriously though, y/n. What keeps you so positive?" Steve asked, leaning on the kitchen counter. You shrugged, taking one last sip of your water.

"I don't really know, to be honest. I have a roof over my head, a good job, food, clean water, and friends and family who love me!" You stood up, walking over to the kitchen island and sitting opposite Steve. "Besides, what's there to be miserable about? Yeah, work does get hard sometimes, and life isn't easy, but that's just more drive to stay positive. It's not going to get me anywhere by being grumpy and mean like a certain tin man in this building!" You both laughed, thanking God that Tony wasn't in the room to hear what you just said. From the sofa, you heard Nat starting to talk to Bucky and Sam.

"...but there's nothing else we can do about it other than get in contact with some of our aliases and-"

"What's going on?"

Cutting in, you stood up from the island and walked over to the sofa.

Nat turned to look at you while Sam and Bucky continued to read from the iPad she held.

"There was a break in at a Hydra base a few days ago. The person who broke in stole Hydra's files about us, and some files about them. My best guess is that it's somebody who's against Hydra but also against us." Nat took a long deep breath, and turned back to her iPad, still talking to you. "We need to get in contact with non-avengers who have fought with us in the past, see if they have any idea. Steve and I are going to S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow, Thor will be returning to Asgard to talk with Loki, I don't know what else we can do."

You perked up at the mention of Loki, and suddenly came up with an idea. "How about I go with Thor? I've always wanted to see Asgard, and it's better than just having one person go." You saw Nat look up and glare at Steve, who did the same, before they both turned to you. Steve sighed, and looked away; clearly, there was something on both of their minds.

"That's a good idea about somebody going, it's better to be safe than sorry. What about Clint? D'you think he'd want to go?" Steve was looking at Natasha when he asked, and you felt a but left out. Instead of becoming angry, you just smiled and turned to face Steve. "What about me?" You asked, still smiling widely.

"Uh, y/n? I don't really think you should go..." Natasha remarked next to you, and you ever so slightly frowned.

"What do you mean?" You kept your voice gentle and upbeat, thinking of reasons why it would be perfect to go.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but there's some bad people on Asgard. We know you could handle it, but people like Loki are...dangerous, and I for one don't think it's in your best interest to make friends with people like him." You could tell by her tone that she felt guilty, but that didn't stop her from speaking her mind anyway. You didn't really understand what she meant; you're around dangerous people all the time, you can easily handle another one.

"If you don't think it's a good idea for me to go, then why is Clint an option?" Like magic, clint walked in at the exact second you said that. Looking up at him, you carried on speaking. "We have the same skill level at fighting, anyway! Besides, I have superpowers too, I can easily protect myself and Thor if need be."

Clint looked at you and Natasha, a puzzle expression plastered on his face. Nat gave him the run down, and he seemed slightly underwhelmed.

"There's no reason why y/n shouldn't be able to go to Asgard."

"Yes, but she's going to asgard to get in contact with Loki." Natasha's expression looked stern, her eyes piercing through Clint's.

"...oh."

"C'mon guys, what're you hiding? I'm sure I can take it, what's the harm in me going to Asgard?" Despite being slightly irritated, you still smiled and laughed a bit at the end of your sentence, making sure the rest of the group knew you were still just as happy as you were after returning from they gym, 10 minutes ago. Clint, Natasha, Steve, Bucky and Sam all gave each other quick glances before Bucky groaned and sat up.

"Listen, y/n. The reason why none of us want you to go to Asgard is because we want you to stay away from Loki. Although he's fought along side us in the past, he's a terrible person. And you're so...so happy and innocent all the time, we don't want him to..."

"You don't want him to corrupt me." You finished off Bucky's sentence, speaking quieter, thinning to yourself. There was suddenly a sort of dark cloud above the room, and an awkward silence prolonged for at least 20 seconds. You could sense how guilty everyone felt, but instead of exploding, you burst into a fit of giggles.

Everyone frowned as they watched you almost fall off the sofa in laughter. Once you calmed down, you wiped your eyes, and almost bust out laughing again at the confused faces of everyone around you. You sat back, smiling ear to ear. "Why would you think something like that?" You asked the room, taking a sip of water. "Honestly guys, I've been with you bunch of Serious Sally's for almost a year. I think it's safe to say that no matter who I spend my time with, I'll never stop being the 'happy and innocent' person who I am. Besides, we're only going to be on Asgard for a day at most, what could go wrong?"

—————

The next day, you were on Asgard. You were so thankful that Nat had finally let you go with Thor, and now you were stood outside of a tall golden palace, behind a beautiful view of Greek-style hills and mountains. You were speechless, to say the least.

"Brother Loki should be here any minute..." said thor, looking over at a clock tower. You couldn't make out what time it was - the numbers were Asgardian - but it was about 12 before you left. Before you could think anything else of it, something appeared before you two. It was Loki.

"Nice to see you again, brother!" Thor exclaimed as he went in for a hug. Loki barely hugged him back, and pulled away, turning to face you.

"Well well well, who's this who you've brought along with you?" Loki asked Thor, yet stared at you with a slight smirk. "Loki, this is y/n. She's a friend from work." Loki took your hand and bowed down slightly, and placed a kiss on the back of your hand; a kiss which you couldn't describe as chaste, making eye contact with him the entire time. He rose and let go of your hand, fingertips brushing slightly. "Pleased to make you acquaintance, Lady y/n." You were tongue tied, but before you could even begin to formulate words, Thor started talking. He rambled on about why you were here, and if he knew anything about the break in, but you weren't listening to a single word. Instead, you never took your eyes off Loki.

His shoulders were broad, sleek black hair running just past them. He stood with confidence, taller than Thor but thinner. Despite this, you could still see defined muscles from underneath the Asgardian clothes he wore. His eyes were a cold shade of blue, resembling ice. While Thor was still talking, he looked over at you, catching you staring at him. You maintained eye contact, your cheeks turning a childish shade of pink, and he winked at you before turning back to concentrate on his brother. The corners if his lips were slightly upturned, and a few strands of hair fell into his face as he nodded along to whatever Thor was saying.

"Well, I haven't heard any news, I'm sorry I can't be of any help. Do you both want to get lunch?" You turned to Thor, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, brother, but I must go and talk to the others and see if they've heard anything. But, it won't hurt if you and y/n get something to eat?" You and Loki both turned to face each other, and you smiled wider than ever.

"I'd love to."

You and Loki walked in silence to the dining hall, passing many Asgardian maidens on your way. You felt slightly underdressed; all asgardian women wore long flowing gowns, whereas you were dressed in high waisted denim shorts and a red turtleneck. Once you arrived at the dining room, you were confronted with a grand gold table topped with all kinds of food. Cheese, grapes, wine, and some sort of Asgardian meat that you couldn't recognize. It felt magical, yet you felt out of place. As you furthered towards the table, Loki took out a chair for you to sit down in. Thanking him, you sat, and his fingertips brushed against your clothed shoulders. Butterflies swarmed in the pit of your stomach, and you quietly giggled at yourself for becoming so flustered. Once Loki was seated, you asked him a question.

"So, Loki," you began, looking around at the feast laid out for you, "what do you get up to on Asgard?" As you spoke, he poured crimson wine into a goblet, and you felt obliged to do the same.

"Surprisingly, not much." He spoke with, what resembled, an English accent. Every consonant was sharp, every vowel curved on his lips. "Every now and again we have to meet with people from other worlds, like you. Thor doesn't come and visit very often, so the mass amount of paperwork that has to be done is left to me." He rolled his eyes yet bore a smile, to which you laughed.

"Trust me, I know what it feels like. Ever since Tony and Steve got into that disagreement about where the files should be stored, I've been in charge of all paperwork. I don't mind it though, there's some sort of satisfaction in the orderliness of it all..." you looked up at him and grinned, being able to physically feel the awkwardness between you both. Although, he could look at your smile forever; the way your y/e/c shone in the light, dimples in you cheeks becoming more pronounced by the second, your lips curling ever so slightly inwards as a sigh escaped from them.

"I'm sorry, I've never really been one for small talk. Asgard seems wonderful, though. The landscape is impeccable, and everyone just seems so...perfect, I guess!" Speaking quieter, you leaned in the get closer to Loki, sat opposite you. "I feel like I could spend the rest of my life here." He knew you meant it, being able to feel the pure excitement you radiated. Tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, you sat back and pointed towards one of the golden dishes beside you, holding some fruits and vegetables.

"May I?"

"Of course, go ahead."

As you spooned a kind of salad onto your plate, Loki rubbed his stubble dotted chin. Loading your fork and taking a bite, you felt a wave of peace flow over your body. You had no idea what you were eating, but it was damn good.

"What part of midgard are you from, y/n?"

"Midgard?" You spoke through your mouthful of salad and swallowed. "Oh, right, Earth. I'm from Brooklyn, New York, but I live in Manhattan." You took a sip of wine, cringing at it's strength. Noticing this, Loki let out a laugh.

"Asgardian alcohol isn't for the weak, I'd take it easy if I were you..." you knee he was joking at the last part, so you laughed with him. The moment was sweet, but you can always have too much of a good thing. After Loki filled his plate, and you took a few more mouthfuls of salad, Thor strode in looking pleased with himself.

"Hey Thor, what's up?" Thor sat down at the table and picked up a bunch of grapes, popping one into his mouth.

"I just checked the comms," he swallowed, "Nat and Steve have all the information we need from S.H.I.E.L.D., so we can go back to midg- uh, Earth, sorry. Ready to go?" You looked at Loki who gave you a small nod as he put his cutlery down, and you stood up with a smile.

"Ready than I'll ever be!"

Thor and Loki stood up and walked towards you, and you went to shake Loki's hand. His hands were cold, icy to the touch, and his slender fingers certainly overpowered your small ones. He leaned in before you could break away, whispering in your ear. "Come back soon, I'd love to see you again."

You blushed, nodding, and he gave you a sly wink. Sooner or later, you were back on Earth, missing Asgard more and more by the second.

—————

Two months later, and you were head over heels for Thor's brother. Once you returned back to earth, Tony made it very clear that he disapproved of your trip. He sat you, Thor, Clint, Nat and Steve down in the conference room and screamed at all of you, acting like a very strict father. He had no idea what had happened on Asgard, but he let it slip that all of the avengers had an agreement - never let y/n meet Loki. Obviously, that was out the window, and it resulted in a conflict between Steve and Tony, as per usual. However, all of the avengers shared one common thought, and it was that you should never go back to asgard again.

"She's met Loki and had a look around Asgard, now there's no reason for her to go back."

"What if he's done something to her mind? We can't let her go back."

"We can't let Loki back into the facility when y/n is around, we can't handle anything else happening at the moment."

You often heard Steve and Tony talking about you in the other room, but you ignored it. 3 trips to asgard, 2 secret earth dates and 1 sleepover later, you and Loki decided you were serious; you both liked each other so much, and you wanted to tell other people. However, you had no idea how you were going to tell the avengers. You almost got caught a few times, but luckily, you were quite good at covering yourself up.

"Yo, why are you texting Pizza Hut?"

"Stop looking at my phone, Sam! Besides, I was actually ordering us a pizza, but I guess I'll just go and make myself a sandwich instead..."

"No y/n I take it back!!!"

It was a quiet day in the avengers tower when you decided to share your secret. You, Steve, Tony, Nat, Thor, Bruce and Clint were in the conference room having just finished a meeting. Before anyone could leave, you asked to talk to them for a bit. Despite being happy and confident in telling your friends that you were in love, your palms were sweating and you felt slightly nauseated. Nat must have noticed, and asked if you were okay.

"Everything alright?"

You stood in front of the table, toying with the hem of your skirt behind your back. Taking a deep breath, you looked up at your colleagues sat in front of you.

"I actually have some news to share with you all. A couple of months ago, Thor and I went to Asgard, and I found out about your weird pact thingy forbidding me from meeting Loki. Well, it happened, and it went well! Despite you all feeling very strongly about it, I did enjoy myself. Honestly, I heard you all talking about me 'never returning' and not being able to see Loki again, and it did sorta hurt..."

Steve bowed his head down slightly and Natasha avoided eye contact; you didn't want to guilt trip them, so you continued.

"...and that's okay! You're allowed to be protective of your friends, and I understand why you'd want me to be cautious around certain people. But that's not the point: the point is, I'm an adult, and although I may not be as old as Steve," (Tony chuckled at that) "I'm still an adult. I went to college, I have a job, my own apartment. I'm old enough to know right from wrong, which is why I may or may not have seen Loki 6 times in the past two months..."

"What!?" Natasha looked furious, and everyone had their eyes on you. Steve looked disappointed, Tony didn't look surprised, and Thor seemed quite amused. Bruce and Clint didn't look phased, to be completely honest.

"Please listen to me, I'll explain everything." Everyone eased up slightly as you took a deep breath, standing closer to the table. "I've been back to Asgard four times, and Loki has come to earth twice to see me. I know you would all freak out about him coming to earth, but I made him wear that patch that Tony built which dampened his powers. Whenever he was on earth, he was just a normal person. We got to talking and decided to see each other more often, and we've become quite close."

"If you say that you and Loki are friends, I will jump off of this building." Natasha remarked, crossing her arms. She was definitely the most protective of you, seeing you as a little sister.

"You're not going to like this." you muttered, sighing.

"Loki and I are in love and we've been seeing each other for two months!" You spoke quicker than lightning, grinning at the end, and sprinting out of the conference room. As you ran to the common area, you heard shouting erupting from the conference room, mainly coming from Nat, Steve and Tony. You knew they wouldn't take it well, but you didn't expect it to go down this badly. You heard the commotion from the conference room slowly make it's way closer to the common area, so you bolted towards the bedrooms. You didn't live in the avengers tower, but practically everyone else did.

Hiding in Natasha's room is too obvious, she's the avenger who you're closest to. Hiding in Thor's is also too risky, as he has asgardian technology; as far as they're concerned, you might try and get in contact with Loki. Tony's room? Too stinky. Clint's room? Too stinky². Steve's room? You looked up to that man as a brother, and you certainly were not interested in whatever sort of magazines and movies that he kept in there ( ;) ). That left one other person's room: Bruce's. Quickly sliding into his room, you crawled under the poofy duvet on his bed. Luckily, Bruce's blanket was practically three duvets thick, so they wouldn't be able to tell that you were in there.

Bruce's sheets smelled like lavender and vanilla, with a very vague scent of aftershave; you loved it. You could probably stay there for hours, and even fall asleep, but the faint musk you smelled on his sheets reminded you of Loki. His aftershave always smelled like bonfires and liquor, a scent that you could fall in love with over and over again. You must have laid in in Bruce's bed for 20 minutes before you heard footsteps outside the door. You were never one to do this (run and hide from something difficult) as it seems childish, and the gang already treats you like a child enough. However, you didn't know how you would recover from this one. You heard doors open and close nearby - they must be looking for you. The door to Bruce's room suddenly opened, and you held your breath in an attempt to be quieter. You heard a deep sigh, and somebody sat on the end of the bed. You could just tell that it was Bruce, and you felt safer with him here.

"Listen, kid-"

"Bruce, you're my favourite, but call me kid one more time and I will smite you."

He chuckled and apologised, continuing to talk. "Sorry, y/n. I know how you feel. Frustrated, confused, low on hope." You poked your head out from underneath the duvet and moved over on the bed, sitting up. You motioned for Bruce to sit next to you, which he did.

"I've been through this sequence over and over again," he said, laying down next to you, "yet I never seem to break the cycle. But there's a difference between you and I, y/n. When I'm feeling like this, I show it. I'm not talking about hulking out, but about how I hold myself. I'll be visibly down and depressed, everyone can tell that I'm going through something. But you, you hold it in. You smile and laugh through every emotion you have, and I can't help but admire you for it."

You both turned your heads to look at each other, Bruce giving you a small smile.

"When you're sad or angry, you continue to smile. All of the other avengers get tricked by it, thinking that you're truly fine, but you don't fool me. I can see, every time you cover your emotions, I can see the fire behind your eyes. Or how you tighten your grip when you feel stressed. Although you may be smiling and laughing, I know what's going on behind those eyes. You do a good job, y/n, but maybe bottling it all up isn't the best option. Maybe that's why you fell for somebody who is the completely opposite, like Loki. Because you'd never dare to show your negative emotions outwardly and indulge in the feeling of letting everything out. Now that you've found somebody who you can share these emotions with, you feel like you can be yourself. What I'm failing to say, is perhaps you could let your emotions show a bit more. You don't have to complain or mope around the tower like Tony, but maybe let people know when you are uncomfortable, or confront people who make you upset."

You had closed your eyes about half way through Bruce's speech, and when you opened them your eyes brimmed with tears. He didn't say anything, but instead, Bruce held his arms out and took you in an embrace. You hugged him back, feeling warm and safe, not knowing how to express to him how much he meant to you.

"How did the others react?" You asked into his chest. Bruce was hesitant to reply, and didn't know whether it was best to tell you the truth or let you see for yourself. With a content sigh, he replied.

"I'm afraid to say they didn't take it very well. Natasha blames herself, Steve's a bit frustrated, and Tony...Tony said he feels 'stabbed in the back by his greatest friend', but I think he was being a bit too over dramatic."

"Why do they hate him so much?" You asked, pulling away from Bruce and sitting up on his bed.

"It's complicated." Bruce said, rubbing his forehead. "He's been with us in the past, but there have been multiple occasions where we've had to lock him up. We still don't know whether he's with us or against us, and now one of our best teammates is in love with him." You nodded, knowing what he meant. You knew you had to clear things up with the rest of the group, and you'd start with Natasha.

"Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sorry for hiding in here and messing up your covers, I'm going to go and talk to them and apologise." Before you got up from the bed, Bruce pulled you in for one last hug, planting a friendly kiss on your forehead. "Never apologise for falling in love."

—————

Never apologise for falling in love.

In your head, you repeated what Bruce had told you in his room. You were walking towards to common area where you knew the rest of the avengers would be. Bruce went in there first to calm everyone down, and you told him you'd be in there in a few minutes to tell everyone the news. Walking into the room, all eyes were on you. You became conscious of what you looked like, your face was probably red and puffy from crying.

"Do you have anything you'd like to say, y/n?" Steve asked in a harsh tone. He seemed extremely intimidating, and you suddenly felt small and worthless.

"Take it easy, Steve." Bruce said quite calmly. "Let her do it herself."

You smiled, a genuinely happy smile at Bruce. Despite having little to no confidence whatsoever, you were actually happy. Bruce had made you feel so much better, you had a boyfriend who you loved, and you wanted your friends to know whether they approved or not.

"I want to let you all know that I didn't do this on purpose. I didn't mean to bond with Loki, and I should never apologise for falling in love, and I'm not going to apologise. It's my life, and whether you approve or not, I'm going to continue to see Loki. However, I would like to apologise for how I acted. I shouldn't have run and hidden, and I could've broken the news in a nicer way. Do any of you have anything you'd like to say?"

There was a gloomy silence as the rest of the group contemplated what to say. Trying to alleviate the room of the awkwardness, Thor opined. "Well, I approve of your relationship, Lady y/n. I'm glad you've found someone!" Everyone looked at Thor, then back to you as you sat down on a chair. Steve opened his mouth and closed it a few times, he clearly was lost for words. Natasha was the first person to speak, coming to sit in the chair next to you.

"We overreacted, I'm sorry, y/n. I'm sure you could understand what we felt, but we support you. It'll take us a while to get used to it, but we all want you to feel comfortable. We love you, and if you love Loki then there is nothing we can do about it other than accept you."

The day ended with a group hug, lots of individual hugs from Natasha and Steve, and you & Bruce watching Star Wars after everyone had gone to bed. You were going to see Loki the next day, and you knew it would be the best day ever.

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ktheist · 3 years

Text

FROM THIS POST

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

i do! it wasn't always like this before buy i'm glad my relationship with them improved <3

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

me mom bc i luv her

03: Do you regret anything?

my wasted potential oof

04: Are you insecure?

who isn't?

05: What is your relationship status?

i'm taken!! by meeeeeee!!!

06: How do you want to die?

in my sleep because i won't notice i'm dying - or will i realize i died when i wake up? oof

07: What did you last eat?

a popia, i think it's a traditional food here.

08: Played any sports?

breathing is a sports

09: Do you bite your nails?

thankfully, no!

10: When was your last physical fight?

been a long while, last fight i remember is wrestling the tv remote from my bro and we were like kids and i'm old now ):

11: Do you like someone?

like someone i can potentially get or someone i can never? min yoongi and jeon jungkook ):

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

oof i don't think so but i might once i get desperate enough to take some adderall

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

at first i thought i don't but now that i really think about it, there's this one dude who, every time i think about him, makes me wanna puke bc of his shit hygiene and we got preeeeetty close at some point

14: Do you miss someone?

nopee

15: Have any pets?

my demons uwu

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

as of 15th dec, ya girl is tideeeee

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

naw that shit nastyy

18: Are you scared of spiders?

TERRIFIED

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

yes omg

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

at my ex's place before he left the country

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

work and sleep and hopefully sleep some more

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

five is too many but i'll start off w one kitty and adopt more from there!!!

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

none, i'm a puthy ):

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english / research / acadamia. potato potato yk

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

i shudder at the idea of meeting people from my pasts lol

26: What are you craving right now?

i’m always craving for ramen!!

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yes and no? it didn’t feel like a real relationship lmao

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

i wouldn’t say make since i asked them about why they did sumn sketchy and they ended up crying

30: What’s irritating you right now?

the shitload of work that i have ):

31: Does somebody love you?

meeee and ig my parents luv me

32: What is your favourite colour?

maroon, deep blue and grey!!

33: Do you have trust issues?

omg yes how did you know

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i don’t remember but i usually like my dreams bc it’s like watching a fantasy movie lmaooo

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t cry in front of people

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

i give out third chances lmaooooo

but ig it works out bc if they mess up after the third, then it’s bye bye for good bc they dead to me

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

to forget wooooooooo if you mess up then you’re dead to me

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

nah bro its 2020

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

legal

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

outside like in public or just in my house? bc if the first, then neverrr

51: Favourite food?

ramen yumm

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

depends lol sometimes things just happen to inconvenience me and i don’t appreciate the person who caused it

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

scroll my ipad

54: Is cheating ever okay?

depends lol, are you both cheating and aware of it? then yes. if only one party’s cheating and being sneaky? no i hope they get pooped by a bird every time they go out

55: Are you mean?

idk ): sum say i come off too strong but it’s only been them puthy ass men that’s said that

56: How many people have you fist fought?

my bro

57: Do you believe in true love?

yes for self-love and no for romantic kind of love, maybe for familial love

58: Favourite weather?

livin in a hot and humid country makes you appreciate the rain a bit more!!

59: Do you like the snow?

they look magical in tv!!

60: Do you wanna get married?

yea sure if the dude fits me. i don’t believe marriages are supposed to be a compromise, if you have to change something to fit the other, then that’s not really a good reason to keep being tgt for me.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

eh it’s okay

62: What makes you happy?

sleeping!!

63: Would you change your name?

i would... to cara (;

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

idk man, i don’t have any problems but depends if they wanna ykwim?

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

noooooo best friends are best friends for a reason!!!

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

no but oh well i’m v comfortable w my girlfriends alr

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

uh, besides my dad and bro, ig this one friend from high school who’s like super chill

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

a friend on tumblr by the name of my fav day; rain ((((:

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

ig? i mean if they fit you then they fit you. 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

me mommy bc i appreciate her sm <3

#answered sum questions bc i want to #but i don't like how my answers go from large fonts to small fonts #takes away the aesthetic yk #might private this post after i get tired of it #cara the clown #wooo #vibe check

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prismcaster · 3 years

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I just had the most amazing experience!!!

I am going to do a little back story here, because it has been quite a while since my last post...

So, my grandfather, who was the the only person in my entire 35 years of existence that I never felt the need to question if he really loved me. Any way, super long story, shortened because I don’t feel like getting into that right now, he passed away three months ago.

In the time since then, i began to question my choice of kicking spiritualism from my life. You see, since my father, i chose that purposefully, because calling him dad would insinuate that he ever truly gave a fuck about me, or my sister.... but anyway, he used and still probably does, use his religion as an excuse to punish his children for doing him wrong.... which is typical narcissistic behavior.

Which speaking of, i recently read a book called Narcissistic Father, and it literally explained him to me perfectly! It actually made the fact that he has something wrong with him mentally, make me feel so much better about myself somehow.... because well, it turns out, it really is his fault, and none of it is mine. So definitely check out that book!

So since I have all these odd feelings for him because of these things... I cast “religion” out of my life completely. I figured, religion had to be fake, because no religion would keep a parent from their child, so i cast it out 100%. It was so bad, i began to believe that when you die, you just go. I believed that when you go, there is nothing, it just ends, and that your body decomposes, giving it back to the earth you were born from, and that is that.

Then the depression came in. Because there is nothing. Nothing else. And if I couldn’t have my family back, the way i thought it should be, and that at the end of all this pain, there truly is nothing, then what is the point in being in pain forever? And contemplated suicide while laying in the floor in my art studio in complete darkness.

But i thought,” that’s stupid, you didn’t die from cancer and you’re thinking about this right now?! What the fuck, you idiot!” And i got up off the floor, switched the light back on, wiped the tears from my eye’s, and started to draw again. This eventually led to me cutting my arm open, and telling someone months later, and finally getting the help i needed to be able to get better.

Therapy was such a blessing. I truly recommend it. Talking about your problems with someone you are literally paying to listen to you, and paying to keep their opinions to themselves, is a blessing in and of itself. I also strongly suggest journaling. When ever i felt bad, i would write to myself... it helped me explain what i was feeling to myself so that i could finally start to process what was actually happening in my mind so that I could start to slowly solve my own problems.

As i did this, a strange sense of accomplishment came over me suddenly, as i realized that the saying is true, you have to create your own happiness, and also, that you have to love yourself if you ever hope to love anyone else.

So i kept working on myself, and one day, my sister mentioned to me that she had picked up a ouija board at a garage sale. Immediately, for some reason, i said, let’s do it! And we called our other sisters, and planned our first seance. The four of us went all out. We put white candles everywhere , took it very seriously, and experienced the magic of ouija for the first time.

Now, it took a while of hitting dead ends which what we were communicating with, but one day, the mother lode of insane things happened! My cousin came through the board, and after confirming neither of us were moving the planchette, and that this truly was who they said they were, i realized that the end isn’t really the end, but that there really is more, and my life started to change more and more.

I eventually decided that since I didn’t enjoy coloring any more, that I should make a coloring book instead, that way other people can color my art work, and make it their own.

Then, in the midst of this, I decided that I wanted to make my own ouija board, but not call it a ouija board.... so the google searches began.

My sister and I started a podcast, and i used that as an excuse to do an episode on the ouija board, as an excellent excuse to do deep dive research on the boards themselves.

Using this info, I knew I needed to make a spirit board, so I started to work on drawing a design, while also trying to figure out how to make it.

One day I realized “hey, i could make this design up on my ipad and turn the background off, and turn this into a png file, and cut it out with your cricut!”

So i immediately set to work on that, while still trying to figure out how to make them. Finally one day, i discussed this idea with my husband, and he suggested resin on wood. And so it began.

So far, i have made around 30 or maybe more, boards, and yet, i still do not have my own! Maybe some day! Anyway, so that was done and in progress, I left my job that was sucking me dry physically and emotionally, started pushing myself harder, was finally trying to live my life for me, instead of trying to live it the way i thought my father would have wanted me to.

I was truly happy.

And then my grandpa left us.

I collapsed hard. But I had to try to keep it together at the same time because my grandma needed me... my mom needed me.... and my sisters needed me. I fought it as long as i could.... but eventually i broke under the pressure, and re visited my therapist, whom I have decided I am just going to continue to see monthly just in case.

Turns out, I was handling grief the right way.... which I am sure surprised her a little, being as how she had diagnosed me with ptsd a few years prior.

Since his passing, i have not touched a board, or held a pendulum, and not because I am afraid he will talk to me.... but because I am afraid that he won’t. As a 100% Irish Catholic man, I am not sure if he would come through the board or not, although, i do think that he would think it would be funnier than hell to scare us.

I have however found something to believe in. Paganism. No judgements, no frills, just love, paganism, and I will never look back.

After I decided to “come out of the broom closet” so to speak, and openly declare that I am a magical being, things started changing fast...

I finished my coloring book, and most importantly, feel mentally healed. I can’t even begin to explain it, but I will try....

First, after grandpa’s passing, I realized I had learned a few things. For example, that you shouldn’t take those you love for granted, which is when i realized he was the only person who had shown me unconditional love my entire life, no matter what. I also learned from that, the passing of the person who took care of me like a dad, that all I was doing was punishing myself for something someone else did, and that I needed to stop. And you know why?! Religion!

The same damn thing that i tried so hard to keep out.

You see, my grandpa was a wonderful dude. In my entire existence, i never heard him say a negative word about anyone. And most notably, whenever he heard me say anything bad about anyone, he would tell me that I couldn’t change them, but I should say a prayer for them.

It was this phrase, which i had repeated to me over and over again, that now finally made sense after finally realizing the true power of religion. You see, I couldn’t change my father, but, I could change the way he effected me. So, i made a little testament outloud, i moved on.

But then i realized, that if that was the case with that, maybe I needed to be more open to the idea, of religion being legitimate. So i started some research again. But this time, as homework for the tribe I was planning to join. I researched goddesses, because If I was going to pick a deity to start working with, they had to be a strong female.

First up, came Athena. And i truly believe she has been with me, allowing me to get through all of my life’s battles, without me even knowing, for years.

I studied greek mythology in college because I was fascinated by it, and was floored by the parthenon, and the giant statue of Athena that stood inside, and even insisted on visiting the replica while in Tennessee for my sister’s birthday.

Coincidentally, it also turns out that she is the goddess if wisdom, arts, and crafts, so i knew she was the one for me.

Tonight, after my full initiation into the group, i went to the full moon ritual, and was asked some very prying questions by what I will refer to as the “mega crone” and I was forced to question a lot about my choices right then, in front of everyone, and ended up crying while explaining all of that to them , and not really all that well.

But i left there thinking that I needed to let go of the idea of needing to know everything, and just go with the flow.... knowledge is nice, but too much knowledge can have it’s downfalls as well. But also left me wondering how I ended up on this path.

So here i am, telling a long ass background story to get to the damn point!

I was feeling emotional after getting home, and decided to light a candle for my great aunt who is in the hospital, and try to meditate for a while.

Normally, when I try to meditate, I don’t feel anything, and also don’t normally see much, but It’s like I can envision it, even though I can’t actually see it... imagination! Which is something I had cast out of my life a long time ago as well.

So tonight i was ready. Whatever happened was going to happen.... and if grandpa communicated with me while i was meditating I would deal with the emotions and just go on. I turned on my favorite meditation video, and jumped right in... and it fuckin worked! I could feel the ground and see lights, it was so magical! I wish I could explain the trees!

Then, after i processed that I am magical, that I can truly take my own pains away, which set off a mini party if thoughts in my mind, i refocused, and realized that athena had actually been with me my whole life. She got me to grandpa somehow when he was living thousands of miles away, so that I could continue to see and feel what true love is. She was with me through the shit storm that was my youth... and stood with me as i learned to fight for myself, and get up.

It was right now that I realized I am truly magical.... i am loved.... i am perfect the way i am..... i am enough. And if anyone ever should stumble upon this ramble, and stuck with it until now.... know that you are all of those things too! And if you don’t agree, i hope maybe my path will inspire you to get to know yourself, and see what incredible, life changing things could be in store for you.

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little-dragon-stories · 4 years

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When indiscretion leads to... that!

Part 2/2

It's a one shot that I had to post in 2 separate parts... tumblr problems. Sorry.

So, smut is coming guys....

Read the previous warnings.

The words count is the total of those 2 parts.

Sorry, I can't do a "read more" from my ipad. Will correct it later when I open my computer.

It continues right when I cut... she wants a 🐈 and he just said yes!

Jubilant, you walked the 5 steps of distance there was between you and you hugged him tight. You didn’t really think about it before you crashed against him but fortunately, he doesn’t seem to found it inappropriate. His arms circled your shoulders, dragging you closer to him.

“I love the smell of your hair” he says softly.

For some reasons, you felt really comfortable against his body. Normally, you don’t even hold hands or kiss a guy on a first date and here you are, engulfed in Jiyong’s warmth and it’s not even a date yet. His voice never been that closed to your ear and it made it sound more deep, more guttural. Feeling a bit awkward once the excitement dropped, you let go of him.

«Ok, well I will leave now».

«Already? You told me to cancel my plans and you leave me so early?» you ask him, surprised.

«Well, I kind of changed my mind»

«Oooh… ok» you mutter, confused. Of course he would change his mind, he’s fucking G-Dragon after all.

«No, no! It’s not that» He smiled, shyly shifting his weight from one foot to another. «It’s not that I don’t want to be with you and invite you, well… I changed my mind about the gift I bought you».

«oooh! Why?» you inquired.

«At the beginning, it was just supposed to be a joke. Then I start to shop for it and well, I lost the count of what I was buying, story of my life… It was supposed to be funny but I ain’t sure anymore»

He was so cute, a shy expression on his face.

«Well, you had the idea. You bought it, even more than expected and now that you are in front of me, you changed your mind?»

«Yes. So, I will just leave and come back when...» he couldn't finish his phrase.

«Over my dead body Mr. Kwon. I want to, at least, know what’s in the bag. You can decide not to give it to me but I want to know what it was. I am way too curious now».

«No… I prefer not to tell you”.

You tried your best, nothing worked until you said «So deceiving, I thought you had balls». That was cocky and you know it very well. But a girl gotta do what she’s gotta do, right?

He went from shy to «predator» in the blink of an eye. There was a cute shy bean in front of you and bam! Here’s a seducer. He walked towards you, his eyes on you. You’re almost intimidated by his charisma but it was fucking hot.

«Fair enough young miss. Here’s a gift, chosen specifically for you in order to make you forgive my indiscreet ass and please yours».

He handed you the bag and looked at your face while you pulled the tissue paper out of the way. Your eyes widen as you discovered what was inside. There were at least 20 boxes of different sex toys: different size of dildos, vibrators, clit stimulator, butt plugs, magic hand, dildo with suction base, geisha balls, stimulating gels, vibrating panties, lubes, sex toy cleanser… A lot of devoted toys for all sorts of pleasure endeavors. Looking at him straight in the eyes, you furrow your brows and shake your head ‘no’. He still had his cocky and seducting face but you could see it faded away as you say:

«You give me sex toys as a joke? Is my sexual life funny in your eyes Mr Kwon?»

«No, no… Not at all. It was...» you interrupt him by clicking your tongue against your teeth.

«Well, you just said you bought it as a joke»

His face ashen as he tries to speak, interrupted by you.

«I might have to show you how serious I am when it comes to sex»

«wh.. what?» He swallowed harsly, his mouth getting dry.

«Tell me Mr Kwon, which toy would you like me to use» you asked, showing him a box after another.

«Right… now?» he asked, uncertain if he catch what you said «are you playing with me?»

«Of course right now and no, I am not playing. You gave me sex toys thinking it was some kind of a joke. I want to show you that I am playing no game when it comes to sex. Also, what can I say, it turned me on». In one movement, you take off your shirt unveiling a black and pink bra. Jiyong’s eyes left yours for a moment and he caressed your breast with his gaze. You could tell how much he wanted you by the way he was looking at you.

«So, you have the choice. I’m gonna use one of those and you will stay and watch or just leave and let me play alone. Your choice! I would never force you to watch or do something you don’t want to do».

«Just so you know miss y/l/n, I’ve never touched a woman on the first date. It’s against my principles».

«I never said that I want you to touch me, have I? After giving so many shows all around the world, this time you will be the spectator. How’s that? I bet you will remember that for a long time».

He sat on the sofa close to him, unboxed a dildo and took the lube. You waited for him to have his eyes on you again before you unzipped your jeans, slowly revealing the skin under before you taking them down. Jiyong’s eyes never looking aways from your body. He stood up and came closer, toy in hand. He kissed your mouth and nibbled at the corner of your lips.

«You said you won’t...»

«I won’t touch you, don’t worry. But it doesn’t mean that I am not going to play» he winked.

Shit… he knows the game! No! He masters it. That man is so fucking hot, making your panties wet just by the way he looks at you and the tone of his voice.

«Sit on the couch» he commands and you did, making sure to glide your fingers on his stomach while you passed by him.

«Good girl. You obey like a really good girl».

«Oh Jiyong, it’s just an illusion. I know what I am doing and right now, you are under my spell». He smiled. No, he smirked. He’s the most seductive man on earth.

«Spread your legs. Show me how wet are those panties»

«They are flooding» you purred as you opened your legs wide for him, not ashamed to let him see you in that vulnerable position. He was aroused just by looking at you. You love to have that power on him. You never knew you had that power on a man neigher you knew you have that exhibisionist side inside of you.

«Now, touch yourself» he ordered

«Where»? You asked not breaking eye contact.

«Where would you like me to touch you?» he asked before he bit his lower lips. He’s excited and the game didn’t start for real yet. You didn’t answered and caressed your neck with the back of your fingertips, gently.

«Interesting choice miss. You surprise me».

«I love when the temperature rises slowly. When the skin burns everywhere from being touched, kissed, sucked and bitten...»

You closed your eyes to feel the sensation of your own hand on your neck. Your fingers now sliding down your shoulder and arms.

«Where would you love to touch me, Jiyong?»

«Everywhere but I think I would caress the skin around your belly button now».

«Like that?» You ask as you trace circles around it.

«Yes, like that… slide your fingers up now».

He was completely silent, observing you. When you opened your eyes, you saw the bulge in his pants. He was growing hard just by looking at you touch your neck, belly button and arms.

«I have a very sensitive skin… and it’s so soft» you teased gaging his reactions. He was aroused, it was hard to hide now.

«I would love to touch you believe me! I hate that I am a man of honor tonight»

«Yeah this is so bad… But trust me, by the end of the night, your hands will be on me».

«No… they won’t. You’ll see young miss, I have a lot of self control».

You laughed and decided that it was time to speed up. You needed more contact. Your sex was tickling and your desire growing. You cupped your breast and pinched your nipples between your thumbs and index.

«I would love you to touch my neck first but I bet you would love to touch my breast the most. Am I right?»

«Who knows?» he teases «I kind of love your butts too… and your tights. Touch your thighs for me»

You do as asked, long strokes on the top of it as you move towards the knee, slowly caressing the inside of your thigh on your way up. You almost stopped when your hands came close to your center, tempted to touch your sex right now.

«Undress completely now. Take those underwear off and spread your legs wide open. I want to see that wet pussy» he commanded. Leaning, you unhook your bra and gracefully took your panties off, throwing it at him. He took your lingerie in hand and smelled it, never looking away from you.

«Love my smell Mr. Ji?»

«Way too much, miss y/n. Now spread wider. Good girl».

His eyes were on your sex, studying it from the distance before he smelled at your panties one last time, humming after he inhaled slowly. It was almost animal. It was fucking hot.

«You are so beautiful» he whispered. With the bottle of lube in one hand, he leaned on top of you to kiss you. This time, his tongue met yours and you both fought to take the lead of the kiss. Your fingertips and nails seemed to have their own will as they tickled and gently scratched the skin on his neck, sending electricity through his whole body. He felt a more ardent desire than he never felt before.

«You’re lucky that I don’t touch on the first date, I would have taught you a lesson» he whispered when your lips spread apart.

You gulped, shivering at that gentle threat. His lips were on yours again and you felt a cold substance sliding on your pussy. Lube, probably. He handed you a vibrator after he puts it on speed 2.

«Play with it but not directly on your clit for now».

You shook your head ‘no’.

«You better do it or...» you cut him off

«I will Mr dominant. It’s just that I am sad for your dick. All alone in those pants. Judging by the size of it now, it must be uncomfortable. Why don’t you free it ?»

He smirked and you saw his hesitation. You want to at least see him naked, he’s about to see you please yourself with a sex toy… it’s the least he can do.

«I might later… for now toy yourself for me and tell me how it feels».

You place the vibrator on the outside of the labia but close to your clit. You want that orgasm to slowly built up. After a few seconds, you move the toy up, stimulating just above your sensitive zone.

«Good girl. Now slide it down but don’t insert it...»

Making sure you avoid to touch your clit, you slide the vibrator below it, feeling the rush of blood as your clit swelled. The lube that he put on you made it very slippery, it was delightful.

«Now, slide it up and down».

You closed your eyes and did as he said, focusing on the sensations in your core. The sweet sensation electrifying you, making you crave for more.

«Tell me princess, how does it feel»? He was searching in the bag for something precise it seemed by his mumbling. You don’t listen to him and continue to slide the vib gently on your folds, sometimes putting it on your nipples.

«It feels good, really good» you half said, half moaned. «Can I insert it now?»

«Don’t you dare. It would end too soon, it’s my private show after all» his voice was commanding but you never felt more respected than now.

He came closer and lowered the speed of your toy, kissing you in the process. Licking, nibbling at your lips. Just that, just that sensation of his tongue on you made you shiver. He noticed your reaction. In fact, he studies each and every one of your them. «You’re so horny! You’re excited to do that in front of me, right? If I let you take the lead, you will be done in a minute»

«I absolutely adore every second of that moment» you muttered .

He took the vibrator from your hands but before you could protest he asked

«How do you feel about anal play, love? Have you ever experienced it?» You just nodded.

«You loved it?» Again, a nod as you bite your lips not even in an attempt to seduce him. Just because it helps you focus on other sensation. Right now, you needed that toy again...

«Good. Now, if you don’t love it or if you don’t feel good in any way, just tell me and I will take it off». You nodded again. «The angle is not good baby… maybe»

You decided that it was time to tease him again. Switching position, you were on your 4 in no time, your little ass up in the air for his eyes only. Shaking your hips from left to right you asked

«Isn’t it what you wanted?»

«Jesus christ» He will certainly loses his mind by the end of the night.

«I told you Ji, you ain’t the boss here. You are under my spell… now, tell me, is it time for you to take those pants down and free your cock? It might be so squeeze and pitiful right now».

«Nope… »

He surprised you when he peppered a few kisses on your lower back, just where your butts starts. He said he wouldn’t touch you but he has a hard time respecting his will.

«I am not sure about it. It seems like I am the one in control now» He sucked and bite the skin on your lower back, you will be marked, for sure. He stopped and said

«Love, you know what I’m gonna do, right? It...» You couldn’t help but chuckle at his cuteness. He was so caring, even when he was trying to be dominant.

«Jiyong, have you seen my position? Yes, play with my ass baby» you teased him. He didn’t lose his time and slowly entered what you believed is a butt plug inside of your ass. A long sigh escaped your lips. He got scared for a second.

«It hurts? It’s cold isn’t it? Comfortable?»

You moaned softly «it’s sooo good… push it deeper please» He played with the angle, pushing it deeper. «Jiyong… dear lord… I am about to come just by that...»

«Don’t you dare miss. I forbid you. Now, on your back again and grab this» he handed you the previous vibrator and a dildo. He didn’t know how big you can take so he chose a medium size one. You started to play with the vibrator again, bringing you to the edge and taking it off before you came. Even if you were alone doing sex, you never felt so connected and linked with a partner before. Jiyong was very attentive to your sensations, looking at you, guiding you. He needed to loosen his pants but he didn’t took them off, sadly.

«I want you to insert the dildo while you glide the vib on your clit. Do it now».

You didn’t do as he asked and shaked your head ‘no’, a cocky smile on your face. He knew you were about to try and manipulate him… He saw it coming.

«Damn it woman, dildo! Now»

«But baby...» he noticed the use of a pet name for the first time «I need to see your dick. Then I will be able to imagine it’s YOU inside of me. Please...» Those filthy words coming from your mouth, it was so sexy. But he has to keep his desire under control. He doesn’t want to do anything wrong with you. He needed to stick to his principles. Well, in a certain sense. He never touched a woman on the first date and this was not even one… Also, it was just perfect like that. He loved that toy session. He never did something like this before and it’s really... something. Also, if he gets naked himself, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from jerking off. But he wanted to focus on you right now. Only you.

«You won’t win this round missy… if you want your relieve, you better do as I say».

Sliding the vibrator and squeezing your butts around the plug, it was harder to keep yourself collected, your orgasm threatening to burst soon. Your breathe became heavier, faster, deeper. Sensations overflowing. You never felt more aroused, more alive. You also never felt more exposed and vulnerable. It was the most intimate thing you ever done with somebody and he wasn’t even touching you.

«But baby» You protested.

«No. Now speed up… good girl. Stay on your clit a little longer but don’t come yet. Good girl, so good for me» you played with the vibrator again, your needs being stronger than your wills.

«Ji please, let me see you».

«I said you won’t win that round. Now princess you want that dildo in? Want me to push it for you? My hands won’t touch you, don’t worry».

Whining, you answered “I wouldn’t your hands Ji...»

He leaned and kissed your neck, his tongue playing with the soft skin. He kissed your lips and without a warning, his mouth was on on your left boob, sucking on the sensitive nipple, twirling his tongue around it.

«You want me inside your pussy?» You moaned a loud «YES», lost in the delicious sensations of the vibrator on your clit. You squeezed your butts again, feeling really good.

«You won’t have my cock or my hands and you know it… I might compromise tho and insert this because you’re doing so good»

Without a warning but being fully attentive of your reactions, he slowly pushed the dildo inside of you, careful to play with the angle if he felt some resistance. Your walls clenched around it and your moans filled the room. You haven’t been stimulated like that before. You felt full and you couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to climax. As Jiyong tried to remove the dildo, you clenched around it, resisting.

«Amazing! Your pussy is so strong… Wow! But easy now… relax. Let me treat you right...» he softly said, gaging your reactions. He took notes on the way your body was reacting. The way you contracted your ass. The way you were edging yourself. He noticed it all earlier and now, you are more than ready for the final act. He wanted to be the one giving it to you, even tho he’s not touching you. He wanted to have a part to play in this.

You relaxed your pelvic muscles as he demanded of and concentrated on the sensations of the dildo, the vib and the plug. You tried to control your breath as much as you could, taking deep inhalations and exhaling slowly. He made a few in and out motions with the dildo as you are using the vib on your clit. Your orgasm building at the speed of light and you needed your climax. Now.

«It feels good, right? That’s it princess… let it go» He lovingly removed the bang from your forehead, concentrated on your movements and the sounds that escaped your lips. Instead of in and out motions, he gently moved the dildo in circle motions, deep inside your count, massaging the most sensitive and deep part of your vagina. It was delightful and you were overwhelmed by those wonderful sensations that you never felt before.

«I’m co… ming… Ji… Coming» you panted.

«I can tell” he smiled fondly “let it go baby, you’re doing so good. Let it go… let me hear you» his voice has changed along the way. Instead of the seductive, dominant tone, he was now talking to you with a calm and loving voice. It was even more seductive like that.

Your free hand clung onto his arm as you came undone, shaking from head to toe. Your orgasm came by powerful waves and it seemed to last forever, wetting the spot under your ass. Instead of feeling ashamed of you squirting in front of Jiyong, you just smiled and welcomed the wonderful sensations in your body, the plenitude and wellbeing while a satisfied smile adored your face.

Jiyong stop toying you with the dildo when he noticed it wasn’t needed and welcome anymore.

You closed your eyes, catching your breath. What a powerful orgasm you just had. It feels so good inside of your body but your general state is delightful too: relaxed, fulfilled and satisfied. That’s when he allowed himself to touch you with his hands. Gently, he caressed the skin on your neck, his lips taking the spot when his fingers moved somewhere else. He found you wonderful like that, in your post orgasmic state. Beautiful, solemn and totally free.

«That was amazing» He mumbled, both eyes on you. You open your eyes and covered his hands with yours. If you knew better, you could have think that those were heart eyes. But of course, it cannot be it.

«Thank you for that moment y/n. For your trust, for abandoning yourself like that. It was the best sexual experience I ever had»

You didn’t answer anything, instead you search for his lips and you kiss him tenderly. All the feelings and emotions you have for him, you hope he will feel it. When you needed to breathe, you leaned back and kissed his neck. You snuggled your nose on him, happy to finally smell that skin. He laughed and beamed cockily.

«May I pinpoint the fact that I won round 1?» He was so cute, timid and smiling shyly.

«Yeah, you did… I didn’t see that cock or make you touch me» He noticed the deception in your face but he didn’t want you to feel that way.

«Dammit woman, I had to work on my self control like never before. But my gun is loaded now… if you know what I mean» He was half the shy Jiyong and half the flamboyant seducer. He never been so seductive in your blurred eyes.

«Have you forgot my indiscreet ears now” he inquired. It took a few second before you catch what he meant. «May I ask you out on a date?» he specified.

“Yes, absolutely. Now I forgive you but you know, I was only hoping for a simple ‘I’m sorry y/n, please forgive me”!

“Really?” He burst out of laughter.

“Yes, but I like that surprise better”.

He stood up and brought the used sex toys in the sink of the bathroom. He came back and said “Now girl, let’s go for round 2. My apartment in 10 minutes”.

You stood up, feeling the butt plug still in place.

“I need a shower. Let me 15”.

“You have 10. Timer is started. Go girl… and don’t forget, touching still not allowed”.

An idea popped in your head. You filled the distance between your bodies, not a tiny bit ashamed of your naked state. You tangled your hands in his hair and kissed him. The kiss putting your senses on fire in no time.

“Penthouse A. 8 minutes. No touching”.

«No Mr. Kwon, I have a better idea». You guided him towards the bathroom door.

«Take that shirt off. Now» He was not reacting fast enough. «Mr. Kwon, I said take off that shirt. I need a shower and you’re coming with me»

«But...»

«There is no but. I have something in mind and you will play the game...» Looking at him strip, you lift your chin up.

“I will win round 2”.

He laughed and kissed you once more before giving you a pat on the butts.

«Are you disobeying already? The no touching rule is still...» He cuts you off.

«My mistake. I will behave from now on»

Yes, you will win round 2.

#g dragon fanfiction #g dragon x you #kwon jiyong fluff #kwon jiyong #g dragon #gdragon #jiyong smut #kwon jiyong smut #kwon jiyong scenario

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nightofthewerehunty · 3 years

Text

So I’ve forgotten how to use tumblr on my iPad and I can’t do the cut for a read more. Sorry, guys. But here’s my Peaky Blinders fanfiction on the relationship between Thomas and Ada. I’ve given the link to AO3 above so use that if you’d like to comment. Cheers!

Rot

When she’s feeling unkind towards herself, she thinks there’s a rot somewhere hidden, festering and spreading through her veins. Soon it’ll reach her heart. Or maybe that’s where it was hidden. Where it started, her black heart. Ada would know if she ever payed attention to that particular organ. Kidneys? Sure, have a look. Liver? Yes please, she needs it to drink. But her heart? Well, does it matter where the rot came from once it gets there? Ada doesn’t think so. And she feels it, burning and burning and burning away inside her chest until its all she can do not to cut out the charred organ herself. She thinks of Freddie, not out of love which may seem cruel, but out of curiosity. Would the infection have spread if he was alive? If she was a romantic, which she’s not, she’d have said that she doesn’t have a heart to infect. Buried it long ago with her husband, and then again with her morals, and then again with Grace so maybe Freddie’s death started something but it was something that would have happened even if he lived. Taken a little longer, maybe, but happened all the same. When she’s feeling kind towards herself, she gives the rot a name; she calls it Thomas.

Ada spends her life reading the moods of Thomas Michael Shelby and she’s perfected it after the war. She’s learned to hear the unspoken in his words. The threats behind his whims. It’s business, Ada. That’s what she tells herself and that’s what he says. It’s all just business. Legal. Illegal. On the books or off. It doesn’t matter. It’s just business. But that was before Grace, before the Russians. Tom’s different now and all her hard work of understanding him is thrown to fucking shit. How can she hear his unspoken words if he doesn’t fucking talk anymore? It’s all just lists now. Pieces of paper she has to burn when she’s through and it takes everything inside her not to chuck Tommy into the flames with his small written words. Did you get my list, Ada? Did you make your list, Ada? Have Arthur and John got their fucking lists, Ada? And Pol says he’s grieving, to give him time and he’ll be back. Back with the family where he belongs and Ada thinks while Polly drinks that Tom’s never belonged anywhere. At least, not after France. Not after the mud and the blood and the fucking bleak midwinter that the brothers always reference as if she doesn’t know what it means. As if it was something far removed from her. As if she wouldn’t be losing her entire fucking family if the bleak midwinter where to rear its bloodied, muddied head.

Ada knows about grief. She’s studied it her whole life. First with her mother and then with her father. Then Freddie and that took more than she cares to remember to make it out the other side. But she had Karl and that was important. Tommy has Charles and that’s good, but what Tommy needed was Grace. Ada won’t speak to love on another’s behalf, but if she was forced to, she’d say that Tommy belonged with Grace. And if she was drunk, like proper drunk and asked, she may even say it was Grace who lifted Tom out of the mud and the tunnels and the blood. Then Polly would roll her eyes while sipping her whiskey and Ada would remind her that she’d already said she didn’t want to talk about love while she fills her glass back to the top again. Back to the top, Ada thinks and swirls the contents of her glass. Tommy’s always trying to get back to the top. Top of the business. Top of the family. Top of the earth and tunnels and mud and fucking everything else he was before he was buried in France.

“What if you don’t get back?” She finds herself asking him one evening after too much wine and too many cigarettes and then a few more whiskeys to remind herself why the wine was too much.

“Back where?” He says after a pause to light his cigarette and he stares. His eyes catch the light of his flame and the gold of his whiskey, and for one moment, for one short, tiny, little fucking moment, he appears as a man. Just a man with his vices.

“I don’t know, Tommy. Wherever it is you need to get back to.”

Thomas puts out his cigarette with force; it’s his favorite thing to do when he doesn’t like the direction of a conversation. When it feels out of his control. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, Mrs. Thorne,” he says and his contempt rolls off his tongue into her ears. She’s not Ada tonight. She’s a stranger sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. And if she wasn’t so angry at being shut out, she might revel in the idea that she understands him again. That he’s back to speaking words and not writing them.

“What I mean is, Mr. Shelby,” she spits, “will it be worth it? All this? All you’ve done?” Ada watches the questions roll off Tommy’s face as he reaches for his cigarettes again. He slips one between his lips with an upward tilt of his mouth; it’s the sorta expression he wears when he finds things funny.

“I don’t know, Ms. Shelby.” So she’s back to being a Shelby now. Tommy always did like it when she fought back. That’s our Ada, he’d say when she’d come home with her bloody lips from her scraps by the cut. What poor soul crossed you today, he’d joke as if he didn’t know the reason for her bruises. As if they could pretend in that one childish moment that they weren’t scum. The lowest of the low. Poor and Gypsy and fatherless and motherless. Our Ada, he’d say as if they didn’t all spend every fucking second of their lives outside their home fighting because the world picked the fight first. “Is it worth it?” Tommy muses while he lights the tip of his smoke and stands. “You tell me,” he says and walks to the cabinet to pour himself another drink. “Those furs, that wine, your home in London. Is it worth it, Ada?”

“I’m not talking about me, Thomas,” she says angrily while sloshing some whiskey from her glass. She wasn’t expecting him to ease back into his gentle threats as soon as he began speaking again. But that’s her fault. Tommy’s a cornered beast. She knows that. Grief can make an animal still but it’ll never defang it.

“And what are you talking about, eh?” He asks louder than her outburst without turning away from his liquor cabinet. “You talking about business?”

“Fuck the business, Tom! For fucks sake!” She yells. “When was the last time you saw Charlie? You spend ten minutes with him every morning and night, that’s it,” Ada takes a pause to sigh and sip her drink. Tommy won’t look at her. He sinks his head down to rest by his glass. “He asks for you, Tom. And that’s so important right now, that he’s asking for you.” He raises his head to down his whiskey. She’s pissed him off; she can tell by the slam of his glass and the jerky motion of him refilling it. She’s too close to saying what Tommy won’t allow to be said. Grace may be dead, but God help you if you acknowledge it.

“And what does it matter to you? Eh?” He stalks towards her and points, his full glass held in front of him as if it were a bayonet at the end of his loaded words. “What is it you fucking want, Ada?” The hardness of his face makes her tense more than his volume. And then she understands his words and they pierce her skin like little needles all over. The words travel up her veins and through her blood. There it is, she thinks. The fucking rot. That he really believes this to be a transaction. That Ada would ever use his pain like that. “Please fucking tell me,” he continues, “so’s I can give it to you and you can get out of my FUCKING HOUSE.”

“I’m here because you asked me to watch your son while you were away, you fucking asshole!” She’s had too much whiskey to handle Tommy unhinged. She’ll just make it worse, she knows that. She should stop talking, go to bed, but she’s so angry and it’s that fucking infection. That rot spreading out through her heart. Tommy’s a curse, she thinks. “I tell you there’s a child up there asking for his father and the first thing you think is ‘what’s my angle?’ It’s love, Tommy. And children need it.”

“Don’t fucking tell me how to raise my son, Ada.” He lowers himself down with his words and she finds herself inches from Tommy’s wide-eyed rage. “I love him,” he says, “And I would do fucking anything for him so don’t fuckin’ talk to me about love.”

Now she needs to be quiet. Tom’s one of those wire-trapped rooms he talks about from France. And right now, in this exact moment, he’s handed her the wire cutters. Ada knows to stay still in these situations but the whiskey, or maybe it’s the wine, makes her clumsy.

“She’d want you to spend time with him,” she says and she can see the explosion in his eyes before he turns and throws his glass at the wall. She found the fucking grenade alright. Tripped right over it. He grabs her chin with his now free hand and Ada thinks about the days when he just wrote fucking lists. How could she be so naive as to think talking with him was better?

“She’d want a lot of things, Ada, so many fucking things. And the first thing she’d want would be to not be fuckin’ dead.” She’s aware of the pressure from Tom’s fingers but it doesn’t bother her as much as the difference between Tommy’s face and his voice. He’s so pale and still with his wet and red-rimmed eyes. He barely moves his lips while speaking and he looks hollow. Looks dead. But his voice shakes over every word, every syllable. She can feel the grief and anger settle between the centimeters that separate their faces. He’s losing to it. Or maybe he lost long ago and she never wanted to admit it. Tommy tightens his grip on her. “So don’t sit in my fuckin’ house, drinking my fuckin’ whiskey and tell me what Grace would want.” The second he spits out the words, he pushes her face back and lets go of her chin, but it takes days for Ada to forgot the feeling of his fingers digging into her jaw.

There’s so much to do in London and Ada needs to feel alive. Being surround by death her whole life, she thinks she deserves it. And todays version of life is in a pub with a man and lots and lots of gin. He’s a foreigner, an American, which is better for her since he doesn’t know what her last name means.

“Your drink, Ms. Shelby,” the barkeep says while setting her gin and tonic in front of her. He spares the American a nod and moves on.

“He didn’t ask you to pay,” notes the yet unnamed man.

“Got a tab,” Ada shrugs. “But more importantly, have you got a room?” The American returns her flirtatious smile.

“Of course,” he says,”Would you like to see it?”

The act is enjoyable enough and the American, named Frank she’d learned, is a generous lover, but once it’s done, she just wants to be home. Take a bath, have some tea, maybe read a little and then go to bed. She tells herself it’s late, and it is, but she knows that’s not why she wants to go. Poor Ada, she thinks. Wants so bad to feel alive but gets tired of it after only four hours.

“I’m here until Thursday,” says Frank. “Will I see you again?”

“Doubt it,” Ada says while fixing her stockings, “But you’re a good man. You’ll be alright.”

She turns the key to her door and steps into her home already warmed by a fire. She hadn’t done that. Cautious now and wishing she’d let Arthur give her that gun Monday, she sets her purse on the table near the door. For’s protection, he’d tried to tell her. Just in case, but ya don’t need to worry, Ada. We got men out there, he’d said, we’ll keep ya safe. Safe, she thinks now as she creeps down her hallway. She’ll never be fucking safe, not with family like hers. Not with her last name - either of them.

“Whose there?” She calls out before she gets closer to the drawing room.

“Hello to you too, Ada,” comes Tom’s reply. He stands by the fireplace, a glass of Ada’s whiskey already in his hands and a smoke hanging from his stern-set lips.

“Fucking Christ, Tommy,” she snaps while pulling off her gloves and tossing them onto the chair. “I locked the door. You said there weren’t anymore spare keys.”

“I lied,” he says, “Where’s Karl?”

“With Pol, but you already knew that seeing as how you know everything.” She hasn’t spoken to Tommy since she set off the bomb back at his place. That was almost three weeks ago.

“I know you wouldn’t take the gun from Arthur,” he says after a sip of his drink. Ada walks over to pour one for herself and snatches the offered cigarette from Tommy’s outstretched hand. “It makes me uneasy, Ada,” he continues, “You out there, unarmed.” He motions towards the outside with his drink.

“He says you’ve got men watching the house.” She stops to drink and smoke.

“We do,” he agrees and clears his throat, “But it still makes me uneasy.”

“Imagine that,” she scoffs, “Thomas fuckin’ Shelby, uneasy.” She turns from him to sit on the couch. She’s too tired for this. To decipher the meaning behind his words.

“Yeah,” he nods, “It makes me uneasy. You walking around unarmed, meeting with foreigners, going back to their hotels.” So that’s what this is, she thinks. He’s not uneasy. He’s mad. But Ada’s mad too. Fucking enraged, actually. The audacity of Tommy, thinking he can come into her home and wait up for her like she’s some fucking child who snuck out the house.

“Why don’t you just say what it is you want to say, Tommy,” she says. “Because if it wasn’t a foreigner, it be some man from London, or some poor soul from Birmingham. Or maybe it’s that I was out at pub? You think that improper now, is that it?”

“You usually stay out this late, Ada?” He asks without answering any of her questions.

“No,” she bites out. He nods and turns from the fireplace to sit in the chair across from her. He sets his drink on the table between them and leans back in his seat. So self assured. So fucking full of himself in her home at two in the fuckin’ morning. She hates him and with that hatred she feels the heat of that festering rot closing in around her heart, making its beats wild and bucking like a untamed stallion chained in her chest.

“That’s good,” he says. “Good it’s not a habit for you to be stepping out with American men named Frank until two in the morning.”

“Oh my god,” she sighs while she hangs her head low into her hands. “He’s not important, Tom. He’s here on holiday. He doesn’t know shit.”

“I know,” he says after a pause and sip. “I know a lot about Frank as it is. I know he arrived Sunday. He’s leaving Thursday. And he’s got a room down at the Richmond.” He stops to clear his throat and put out his cigarette. “He’s a banker,” he continues, “Works with Fryman’s Investors. Divorced. His ex-wife lives in Vienna with her bohemian lover. The bohemian’s a painter.” She can feel him watching her. Seeing if she’ll react to his words. She doesn’t want to look up. To see the smug expression he’s wearing. She’s so fucking tired, so fucking tired of this. And of him.

“I can do what I want, Tom,” she says, “I can see who I want, and I can fuck who I want.”

“Can you?”

She jerks her head up at his question. “Yeah, I fuckin’ can,” she says while staring into his cloudy blue eyes. If their not clear, his eyes that is, it means he’s drunker than he acts. Damn the Shelby men and their fucking alcohol tolerance. How long had he been drinking her whiskey waiting for her to get home? “So is that it, then? Are we done now? Can I go to bed like I wanted to when I got back to my fucking house?” She finishes her words with the last of the whiskey in her in glass. Tommy shifts in his seat to bring out his cigarette holder and lighter before he stands and grabs the whiskey off the mantle. He fills his glass, then Ada’s, and he sits back down while straightening out his jacket like a fucking king.

“No, we’re not done,” he says and lights up a smoke. “There’s some business.”

“I don’t give a fuck about business, Tom!” She snaps. “I want to go to bed.”

“There’s some business that you need to know about,” he continues as if she never spoke. “It’ll affect the family, and that includes you, no matter how much you fight it.” He points at her with his cigarette. “So from now, stay away from London pubs. Stay away from foreigners. And get back home before ten.”

“I’m not a child, Tommy.”

“Yeah?” He says sharply as he leans forward, “Then stop fuckin’ acting like one.”

She wants to cry. Not because what he says hurts; that doesn’t matter anymore. Ada wants to cry because she’s not allowed to have anything. Her home? That’s Tommy’s and the endless supply of spare keys he seems to have is proof enough of that. Her whiskey? Paid for by the Shelby Brothers Limited. Her time? Well, there’s a curfew in effect for that and watchdogs to enforce it. And now, her body. The last bit of herself she foolishly thought she owned. Tommy’ll decide who she can give it to, and if she’s being honest with herself, although honesty has always hurt Ada, she’s never really believed it belonged to her anyway. His grip on her heart tightens and tightens and tightens until the stallion bucking away inside her breaks under his slip lead. Tommy’s always had a way with horses and apparently that extends to the fucking metaphorical one she invented to justify the wild beats in her chest.

“It’s not fair,” she says, “It’s not right. You can’t control people like this, Tom. You just can’t.”

“Everyone else is following the same rules, Ada.” He breathes out smoke with his words. “And they don’t seem to have a problem following them.”

“Because who can say no to Thomas Shelby?” She shakes her head, and downs her whiskey, and reaches for another cigarette. She needs something in her hands or she’ll be tempted to lay them on Tommy. To make him feel every blow to her ego he’s ever dealt.

“No, because when I tell them to do something,” he says, “They know it’s for their own good. They know it’s for a good fucking reason.” He leans over to fill her glass again. From her bottle. Sitting in her chair and still ruling over every aspect of her small, little life.

“A good reason? Yeah, I bet you’re just fuckin’ full of them, Tommy.”

“Ada.”

“Fuck off, Tom!” She says loudly and drunkenly. If he keeps pushing her, she’ll let go. Just let the gin and the whiskey do the talking. God, how she wishes she would. Someone has too. Someone has to fucking stop him before he breaks everything. Before he breaks her. “I have to be up early,” She says, “I have to get Karl from Polly in the morning. Just let me go to bed, Tommy, please.” It’s the alcohol in her that lets slip the please. She’d never beg sober.

“Alright,” he says as he pushes himself to his feet. “That’s alright, Ada. We’ll talk again. Soon.” She doesn’t follow him to the door. She just waits to her the click of the lock before she lets loose her tears.

II.

The restrictions are lifted soon enough when the business is resolved, but Ada can’t stop thinking about it; the chokehold she felt that night. She can’t stay here. She’ll go raving fuckin’ mad. She tries to remember herself. The woman who fell in love with Freddie Thorne. The woman who stood in no-man’s land between two of the stupidest groups of men she’d ever witnessed. Where’d she gone? Ada begins looking for her. In her lipsticks. In her perfumes. In her silk robes. Where could she be, the old Ada? She doesn’t allow herself to consider the worst; that the old Ada died. Succumbed to the infection called Thomas Shelby. She hears Karl waking in the other room and she stands from her kitchen table, silk flowing behind her as she walks through the cold hall towards her son. Sometimes, she feels afraid to love him. Karl’s all she has that’s rightfully hers. And if she acknowledges it, if she makes her claim, she knows Tommy’ll make his. He’s part of the family, Ada, she can already hear him saying it. Ada opens the door to Karl’s bedroom, and her son turns his beautiful, little face towards his mother.

“Good morning, my love,” she says softly and crosses the room to sit on his bed. She smoothes the soft hairs of his head and leans in to kiss his temple. Thomas will never have her son, she thinks with her lips pressed against Karl’s skin. She pulls back and smiles with wet eyes. “Let’s get you some breakfast, yeah?” she says while prodding the boy from his bed. Her son’s a Thorne, not a fucking Shelby, and if Tom ever tries to take Karl from her then God help him. She’ll take his fucking eyes. And it’s with that thought she realizes she knows where to look for the old Ada.

Of course, she still lets Karl see his cousins. It’d be cruel to deny the children like that. Kids are kept far away from the business anyway and that’s all the interaction Tommy gives Ada nowadays. So she gets confused when Tom stays sitting after she gives the name of the Bolshevik agitator. Then he mentions the position in Boston and while he describes it, she knows that he knows how fucking scared she is. And being the gracious man he is, he offers a different continent and a whole fucking ocean to protect her son from him. She knows it’s the closest she’ll ever get to a promise from Tom. Her son’s a Thorne, would say the ocean separating them from him. It’s also the closest she’ll get to acknowledgment from Tommy about his treatment towards her. It means he knows about the slip lead, the infection, and the fucking rot she’s tried so hard to keep hidden. Thomas fucking Shelby knows everything and still nothing matters to him.

She gets closer to Lizzie then she ever thought she would. Ada tries hard to not judge others, but Lizzie’s reputation had stood between them so long that she forgot. And it’s not until late one evening at the Shelby Brothers Limited almost four hours after close that Ada realizes she thinks of Lizzie as a friend. She watches the tall, dark haired beauty pour herself a drink and she sees the tired lines running through Lizzie’s face and the way her body struggles to keep her hand from shaking while she pours.

“You alright there, Lizzie?” Ada asks.

“Yeah,” Lizzie chuckles, “I’m alright.” Ada knows that line. Says it herself about five times a week.

“Is it Tom then?”

Lizzie chokes on her drink but Ada can tell it’s a laugh. “Is it that obvious?” Lizzie asks while wiping her mouth. “Of course it is,” she continues, “It’s fuckin’ stamped on my forehead.” She walks back over to where Ada sits and sinks into the chair next to her. “It’s my fault, really,” she says and takes the cigarette offered to her from Ada. “You know, I thought,” she pauses to light her smoke, “Working here, getting paid as secretary and not a whore. I thought it’d make me feel better. So it’s funny, really, how much worse I feel.”

Ada wants to tell Lizzie that she’s not a whore. Not anymore. But she can’t. The words get choked up in her throat and make her want to gag. Because they’re not true, are they? And Lizzie’s past might make it easier for the reformed street-walker to accept Tommy’s treatment. To take his words and actions as the paid wounds they are. And maybe that’s what Ada hates most about him. That he makes her, his sister, feel like a common fucking whore. Every bit of her up for sale.

“Well, you know Tom,” Ada says as she stands and pours herself another glass of whiskey. She holds the bottle out for Lizzie and the beauty leans forward to take it from her hands. “Everything has its price,” she says with a swig from her drink, “And God knows he’s got the money to pay for it.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Lizzie says while holding out her glass with a shake of her head. Ada clinks the glasses together and smiles.

“You’re not alone,” she says softly, “Not anymore.”

“It was simpler when he just wanted to fuck,” Lizzie muses then she looks up at Ada with a slight blush. “Sorry,” she continues, “I know he’s your brother.”

“Me? Related to Thomas Shelby?” Ada asks. “That’ll be the fuckin’ day.” She finishes the brown liquor in her glass and puts out of her smoke. Then she considers Lizzie’s words and she finds herself asking a question before she’s had time to think about asking it. “He doesn’t fuck you?”

Lizzie stops mid-sip to bring her eyes back from their distance and look to Ada. She swallows and sets her glass on the desk in front of them. “No,” she says, “Tom’s been seeking other women these days. Never the same one. Never more than once.” Ada nods as if the information fits into some sorta puzzle she didn’t know she was solving. “They all look the same though,” Lizzie continues, “And I don’t say it meanly, but they all look the fuckin’ same.”

“Like Grace?” Ada asks as she grabs another cigarette and lights it.

“No,” Lizzie says as she pours herself more whiskey. She caps the bottle and pushes it away from her. “No, Ada,” she sighs, “Not like her. None of them look like Grace.”

Ada tucks her conversation with Lizzie away into the cobwebbed corners of her mind. Then she forgets about it and it stays tucked away there for all of about three weeks until she goes to visit John and Esme. It’s a lively household. Makes makes her home feel haunted by comparison. If it’s not the children, running around and yelling at the top of their lungs, it’s Esme and John themselves screaming. And for all the yelling and noise that can be heard at their home, she knows it’s a happy one. They both have tempers, she won’t lie about that, and they both have too much pride. Ada’s been between enough fights of theirs to know that. But they love each other. And she bets Thomas didn’t see that coming when he forced them to get married. But isn’t love always Tommy’s weakness? She sits in the parlor of John’s home and listens to Esme loudly tell him that she didn’t want company tonight. That’s fine, thinks Ada. She doesn’t want to be here either. But Shelby business can’t wait, can it?

“Did you want some tea?” Esme asks with narrowed eyes as she sits herself across from Ada.

“No,” she answers as she takes off her gloves. “But I’ll have some whiskey if you’re pouring.”

“We’re always fuckin’ pourin’ round here,” Esme mutters as she grabs two glasses and a bottle off the mantle. “John’ll be down soon.”

“Okay,” Ada nods as she looks around and then she feels compelled to add, “It’s not just John, you know? Who I’m here to see.”

“Sorry for not jumpin’ for joy at seeing Tommy’s favorite lapdog,” Esme says as she takes a healthy gulp from her glass. Ada sighs and drinks her whiskey. She used to be close with Esme. She’s not really sure where the relationship went sour, but it probably has something to do with the rot. Ada’s missed a lot of things trying to fight the infection. At least the Gypsy will still drink in her presence. “So what were you doing there then?” Esme asks.

“Doing what where?” Ada says and fishes her cigarette holder out of her pocket.

“At the Ritz,” Esme continues, “My cousin says she saw you. Walkin’ arm in arm with Thomas after midnight.”

“I haven’t been to the fuckin’ Ritz,” Ada says. “Tell you cousin to get some fuckin’ glasses, yeah?”

Esme shrugs as if her earlier words didn’t mean anything. “I’m just tellin’ you,” she says, “So’s you can be more cautious in the future. Eyes out there everywhere.” Ada stops before she lights her smoke. She doesn’t understand.

“I’m not lying,” is the only thing Ada can think to say. “I wasn’t at the Ritz.” John walks into the room as she finishes her sentence.

“Fuckin’ hell, Esme,” he says as he grabs a glass from above the fireplace and walks towards the bottle on the table. “I told you it wasn’t Ada,”

“Right,” his wife agrees, “And now I asked her myself so I believe you. Both of you.” Esme stands and finishes her drink. “I trust my ‘usband to tell me whatever it is you got to say so I’ll be leavin’ now.”

“Yeah, fuck off,” John calls over his shoulder as he pours himself a whiskey. “Fuckin’ hell,’’ he mutters.

“Still in the honeymoon period, eh, John?” Ada can’t help but tease.

“Fuckin’ honeymoons,” he says while shaking his head. “You know, we haven’t taken it yet? Our fuckin’ honeymoon. And every time I ask her where she wants to go, she says she wants to go the fuckin’ pastures. Like I want a honeymoon spent in horse shit. Can stay in Small Heath for that.” He tips the contents of his glass down his throat and turns towards Ada. “So what’s he got to say then?” He slams his glass on the table and wipes his mouth. “Another fuckin’ list?” John asks as he holds out his hand.

“Yeah,” she sighs. “It’s another fucking list.” Ada shifts in her seat to bring out the folded piece of paper from her pocket for John.

“Great,” he says as he snatches it from her hand. “I was startin’ to worry, you know? Hadn’t gotten one in the last eight fuckin’ hours.”

“He’s trying his best, John,” and even Ada doesn’t believe the words she says.

“Yeah, I know,” John says as he swipes at his nose. She figures their sibling bond is the only thing that stops him from pushing the lie. He pulls a cigarette out his pocket and sits in the chair Esme left empty. “I believe you,” he offers as he lights his smoke and for one moment Ada thinks John might be stupid. “That it wasn’t you at the Ritz, that is,” he continues, “Not the other fuckin’ thing.” He motions towards Tommy’s list with his words. There it is, Ada smiles to herself. You can’t bullshit John and it’s good to know that hasn’t changed. He reaches for the bottle to pour another drink and sinks back into his chair with his full glass. He looks beyond strained. More like defeated. Not that it’s unexpected given the circumstances, but John’s usually faster to bounce back from Tommy’s callousness. But it’s been going on for nearly four months now so she can’t really blame him. His vest is crumpled under his jacket and it brings out the little boy hiding in his features. Ada knows if Arthur saw him like this, he’d slap his back. Come on now, he’d say. Things to do, Johnboy, ya know how it is. But it shouldn’t be like that, should it? It’s wrong, what Tommy asks of his family. Our Johnboy, she thinks and puts out her cigarette. Boy is right; he’s got too much youth left to let Tommy beat it out of him like this.

“But she did look like you,” he says and his words spark that tucked away memory of her conversation with Lizzie. “And it’s not the first time it’s happened.” He looks to the side as he speaks and lights the almost forgotten cigarette in his hand. “I wasn’t gonna say nothin’ but Esme.” He stops and sniffs before he gulps half the whiskey in his glass. “Well, she’s little rough, I know,” he continues, “but she’s a good woman.” John stops again with a sigh. He shifts in his seat and takes a long drag from his smoke as if he needs to consider his words carefully. As if what he’s got to say is something Ada won’t want to hear and he’s need to figure out how to frame it first. God bless him, she thinks. John may be able to see through bullshit, but he sure as hell can’t hide his. “It worries her,” he says, “that’s all,” and that he ends up on those words after all his seemingly careful deliberation bothers her. How odd. How honest. How like her Johnboy. Ada doesn’t know what to say so she drinks instead.

Regardless of her current standing with Esme, Ada respects her. The woman has intuition and the backbone to defend it. Esme reminds her of Polly sometimes and she wonders if that’s how Pol might’ve been while young. Headstrong, loud, and drunk, but full of the world’s secrets. Ada sits by Polly’s desk at the Shelby Brothers Limited late one evening and watches the older woman write in shorthand, her pen moving like wildfire across the paper.

“What?” Asks Polly.

“Nothing,” Ada shrugs. Pol stops writing and looks up at her. “Really, it’s nothing, Pol,” Ada says. The older woman stares at her a moment too long before she looks back down at her paper and begins her furious writing again.

“Sure,” Polly says, “It’s always nothing, isn’t it?” Ada rolls her eyes at Polly’s words. “This whole family is full of nothing.”

“Don’t take your anger out on me, Pol,” she sighs. “Whatever he’s done now, it’s not my fault.”

“Who said anything about me being angry?” The older woman snaps as she slams down her pen. “And why should I be angry? It’s doesn’t have anything to do with me. Nothing does, nowadays.” She opens her cigarette case and pulls out a long, black smoke before tapping it on the desk. Polly lights her smoke while narrowing her eyes at the flame then flicks the smoldering match to the ashtray. “So you’ve thought about Boston?”

“Yeah,” Ada says after a pause to light her own cigarette, “I think it’ll be good.”

“It’ll be a lotta work,” says Pol, “But that might be what you need right now. God knows a bored Shelby is a curse on the world.” Ada thinks about reminding Polly that she’s a Thorne now, but the words take too much effort so she lets them stay resting under her tongue. Her Aunt has her eyes closed with her head leaned back against the top of the chair. If Ada’s going to ask what she wants to, what she came here to ask, it should be now. While Pol is resting and unawares.

“Has Esme talked with you?” Ada asks.

“Oh god, why?” Asks Polly as she sits up straight in her chair and puts out her cigarette. “It’s not the count, is it?” she continues while standing and turning towards the back room containing the safe. “I swear, the women these boys bring into our home.”

“No,” Ada says before Pol can leave the room. “It wouldn’t be about business.”

Polly stops with her back facing Ada. “Should we have a drink?” She asks while turning towards the draw hiding the always present bottle. “Feels like this is a conversation where we’ll want one.” She pours two glasses of whiskey without waiting for Ada’s reply. Then the older woman walks back to her desk and holds out the glass for her niece before sitting back down. “So what would this talk with Esme be about?” Polly asks after a sip.

“Well, if you haven’t had it yet, you can’t tell me, can you?” Says Ada.

“I thought I was asking you,” says Pol as she slips out another black cigarette to sit between between her lips and then lights it. She sits quietly with her eyes focused in the distance and Ada can see her mind running through all the possibilities. “What’d John do this time?” Polly finally asks.

“Nothing,” Ada chuckles, “At least not yet, anyway.”

“Right, so it’s not about business and it’s not about John,” Polly muses and traces her fingers over her lips. Running more scenarios, Ada thinks to herself with a smile. Then her eyes shift back to Ada’s and Pol drops her hand from her face while setting her glass down on the desk. “Is it Tom?”

Just as Ada is about to nod, she sees a figure in the corner of her eye, watching them both from the doorway; an ember at the tip of his smoke illuminates the face in the dark. “Tommy! Christ!” Ada cries.

“Oh god, is it that bad?” Polly asks while seemingly unaware that the topic of their conversation stands behind her in the doorway. As if his name somehow summoned him like devil he is. He moves silently into the room like a fucking ghost.

“Hello, Pol,” he says but his eyes stay steady on Ada. Polly gasps and puts her hand to her chest.

“Oh fuck,” she sighs and moves her hand from her chest up to her temple. “Lost about five years just now and I don’t have them to lose, I’ll have you know.”

“Have I interrupted something?” He asks as he sits in the empty chair next to Polly and across from Ada. His sister drinks from her whiskey and looks away from Tom’s eyes.

“You did,” says Polly, “but when have you ever cared?” She stamps out her smoke with her words. “So what are you doing here?” She continues. “Arthur said you wouldn’t be in until noon tomorrow.”

“Arthur doesn’t know everything, Pol,” Tommy says and Ada stands to refill her glass. “I’ll have one,” he adds and clears his throat. Ada looks up at the ceiling willing God to give her the strength she needs not to throw the bottle at Tommy’s head before she grabs another glass and fills it. She sets the bottle down harder then she means to and Tom raises his eyebrow at the sound.

“Sorry,” says Ada and hands him his drink before sitting back in her seat.

Polly shifts her eyes back and forth between the two siblings. “Right,” she says, and Ada knows her aunt’s trying to read the unspoken in the room. Well good fucking luck, Ada thinks. Lately, even she doesn’t know what Tommy’s not saying.

“Well, continue your conversation then,” he says before he takes a sip of his drink and fixes his jacket. “What does Esme need to talk with you about?”

“I don’t know,” replies Polly. Ada can feel the older woman carefully measuring out her words. “We’ve only just established it’s not about business, John, or you,” she continues.

“You’ve established that, have you?” Tom asks while staring at Ada. Her pulse quickens under his eyes and she reaches for another cigarette. “I wonder what it could be then,” he continues, “Sounded important, from the way Ada said it.”

Ada’s heart leaps an entire beat and she takes a gulp of her drink. He’d heard her. He’d heard the whole fucking thing. Does he already know? Did John tell him? It doesn’t seem like something John would share with Tommy, but maybe he didn’t have to. Tom’s smart. He could figure it out on his own. Then Ada has a thought and she feels herself grow cold as she considers it. What if he hasn’t been trying to hide it? She replays John’s words now. But she did look like you, he’d said, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. Jesus Christ. The whiskey in her stomach makes a jump for her throat but Ada catches it with a small gulp of air.

“You alright, Ada?” Tommy asks and she nods as she leans forward to light her cigarette off his offered flame. She’s thankful she didn’t have to light it herself or else the shaking of her hand would have been made clear.

“It’s just women’s talk, Tom,” Ada says while avoiding his eyes and leaning back in her chair. “It wouldn’t interest you.”

“This is an equal opportunity enterprise, as you both know,” he says. “What makes you think I’m not interested?”

“She just wants to Pol to do her gypsy witchcraft,” Ada says while pointing at Polly with her smoke and she feels her aunt watching her as she speaks. “Tell her the sex of the baby and other mystical unknowns.” Please God, catch on Aunt Pol, Ada thinks. She can’t calm the beats of her heart, not with the infection so close, so hot and burning.

“Of course she does,” Polly says firmly. “Who else would she go to? Doctors?” She laughs with her words and her laughter soothes a bit of Ada’s heart. Her Aunt Polly is such a clever woman. “Those men in white coats wouldn’t recognize a woman’s body if it wasn’t stretched out beneath them.” And even Tommy cracks a smile at Polly’s words.

“I’m here for the ledgers,” he says in answer to Polly’s question asked long ago and puts out his cigarette. Polly nods and gathers the stack together. “I want to look over them before my meeting in the morning,” he says after finishing the whiskey in his glass. He stands and accepts the books that Pol holds out for him. “You leaving, Ada?” He continues while towering over his sister. “I’ll give you ride.”

“I’ll just get a cab, Tom.”

“It’s safer,” he says, “riding with me. Come on, let’s go.” He walks towards the door and holds it open without waiting for her reply. Polly watches Ada with wide eyes as her niece stuffs her cigarettes back into her purse and stands. Her clever Aunt, Ada finds herself thinking again. Of course Polly’s worried too. How could she not be when Tom doesn’t even try to disguise it?

#Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders fandom #peaky blinders fanfic #Ada Thorne #Ada Shelby #Thomas Shelby #Sibling relationship #Gaslighting #Manipulation #Emotional abuse #Incest if you squint

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thebritishblabbermouth · 6 years

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EXO Scenario

Hey There Beautiful Beings :)) An anon reader asked me to write my perspective in the following request and I loved it! (Honestly it was so much fun!)

The request was as follows: EXO reaction to their S/O drinking for the first time and they begin to talk nonsense.

I’ve written up Suho and Kyungsoo and its a little longer...(because it was so much fun to write) The other members shall be written about soon! I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think about it :)

Much Love :))

Baekhyun

Suho:

Being the leader of EXO, - one of the most recognised and famous Korean boy groups of all time- was hard. Suho had an image to uphold, decorum to maintain and standards to abide by. The paparazzi were everywhere, hunting for every slip up, every mistake he and his members made. Cameras and recorders ready to flash lights over any incident. Usually, they wouldn’t get any scoop on the team at all. Having to make do with fake candid shots of Chanyeol and Sehun running to ice cream stores in the dead of the night. However with this particular incident, the press would have a field day. After all, Suho should most definitely, not be seen hauling his 25 year old girlfriend out of her friend’s apartment at 2 am. But alas, love makes us do crazy things and this particular incident was witness to that sort of affection.

‘’Don’t let her get hurt Suho!’’ whispered Mi So in a very loud fashion. Your friend was a kind and joyful woman, freshly out of law school and extremely excited for having graduated with great marks. Elementally, this small ‘’celebration’’ had been to commemorate the joyous occasion of you and your friend attaining your respective degrees, thus completing a stellar collegiate career.

‘’She’ll be fine with me Mi So- yah, and don’t whisper please…somehow you’re always louder when you do.’’ Suho replied, trying to steady his lithe girlfriend into his frame. Her long locks were falling over her shoulders, cheeks flushed and hot. ‘’Oh by the way…how much has she had exactly?’’ he questioned as his girlfriends flustered friend struggled to steady herself against the door.

‘’Not a lot! She only had 2 beers. I never knew she was such a lightweight! Why didn’t she tell me?’’ Mi So answered, finally finding her balance.

‘’She never told you because she didn’t know herself…’’ Suho grumbled in response. You had always wanted to taste alcohol, it had been on your bucket list for goodness knows how long. However, getting drunk was never your intention. You liked to be in control of your senses but were also quite the curious cat. The idea of the proposed ‘’buzz’’ that is often associated with beer left you in a trance and you had mentioned on numerous occasions how you had just wanted to ‘’try it out’’. Today had been chosen as the day of experimentation, and Suho wasn’t surprised when a very rattled Mi So had called him up, worried you weren’t going to be able to make your own way home.

And worried she should have been. Since the time Suho had arrived you had not stopped mumbling.

‘’Why did the banana go to the doctor?’’ You said, speaking into the fabric of Suho’s maroon sweater.

‘’I don’t know love…why did the banana go to the doctor?’’ he answered, looking down at your plump lips. Even in such a state, you managed to look adorable. If only you weren’t as drunk as you seemed to be, he would have been sure to kiss you senseless.

‘’Because it wasn’t peeling well.’’ You replied with a tone often used by professional businessmen. Suho couldn’t help but laugh. Your poor attempt at humour was by far the cutest thing he’d ever seen and it was lovely to see you so out of character, a change from your usually shy and quiet nature.

‘’I like how you laugh Myeon…its very happy. I think I like it as much as when you kiss me.’’ You slurred and your friend was now ready to shut her front door, not prepared to listen to any more of your drunken confessions.

‘’Well…I’d like to kiss you now but I am afraid you won’t even remember it tomorrow.’’ Said suho, softly speaking into your forehead as he pressed his lips against it. ‘’Thank you for taking care of her Mi So, I’ll tell her to call you tomorrow.’’ He continued, throwing his arm over your shoulder and hugging you close.

‘’Let’s get you into the cab shall we?’’ said Suho, sighing into the air as he heard Mi So’s door click shut behind him.

‘’Okay Junmyeonnie…’’ you giggled in reply, edging closer to him.

He pulled his long black coat over your frame and tugged his cap downwards so as to shield the two of you from any hidden cameras. The taxi, ever so beautifully arranged by Sehun (who had not so beautifully burst, into cackles when he had been informed, that his precious hyung was heading out to pick up his drunk girlfriend) had been pulled into the curb and Suho did well to place you inside without managing to bump your head against its structure.

The journey home consisted of knock knock jokes, various versions of Chickens crossing the road and a dozen fruit related puns. All of which followed chortles of laughter and snorts from the taxi driver, you and the highly dignified, leader himself.

Kyungsoo:

Movie nights were the best. You and Kyungsoo in a make shift blanket fort, cuddled close with his arm as your pillow. The IPad perched on his strong tummy while you watched whatever movie he’d picked out for the night, eyelids drooping as the exhaustion of the day and Kyungsoo’s musky aroma lulled you to sleep. You weren’t much of a movie person, but your boyfriend prized every new film added to Netflix and had stated on multiple occasions, that it was essential you watched them together.

However, movie nights with the whole squad. Now that was something Kyungsoo hated. Although he cherished each member of EXO and loved his brothers dearly, dorm movies meant noise, loads of food and very little time with you. Whether it was Sehun, chewing outrageously loudly right next to his ear, Jongin mumbling on the phone to his precious puppies or Chen snoring away in the corner, the distractions were always endless and the movie- never truly appreciated. Not to mention Baekhyun always brought booze. Too much booze. Now kyungsoo could take his alcohol well, but you were another story entirely. He was sure he had never met someone who had hated the smell of alcohol as much as you did. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to drink, it was only the smell that drove you away every time you attempted the feat. Although, it gave Kyungsoo the perfect excuse against inviting you to a dorm movie date, thus keeping you away from his overly enthusiastic band mates.

Nonetheless, this particular Sunday, saw you curled up next to your boyfriend on the large leather settee, watching Star Wars, as EXO (sparing your boyfriend) lay sprawled on the plush rug below. He had fought against Chanyeol valiantly for full rights to the couch and the poor giant lost his royal seat in an aggressive battle of rock, paper and scissors; leaving behind a very smug looking Kyungsoo.

‘’Here…drink up.’’ Said Baekhyun, holding a pink plastic Tumblr to your face. The liquid inside was a pale orange colour and you were thankful he had brought you the concoction. All of that delicious buttery popcorn had parched your throat.

‘’Thanks Baek.’’ You replied, reaching out to the beverage, but before you could do so, a soft hand encased your own. ‘’What is it Soo?’’ You asked, turning to your boyfriend who decided not to spare you a glance.

‘’What’s in the drink Baek?’’ He questioned, starring up at Baekhyun, eyes beady and wide.

‘’Its orange juice!’’ he retorted, seemingly offended at the mistrust.

‘’Its fine Soo…he won’t lie.’’ You said, defending your friend and shooting a small smile to your boyfriend. Taking the cup from his hands you took a sip albeit gingerly, letting its taste cover your palette.

‘’It’s delicious Baek…Thank you.’’ You replied, beaming at him. The drink had a distinct tangy taste and it felt like small bubbles had taken control over your tongue.

‘’Thank you! Your boyfriend Mr Grumpy Soo always thinks I am up to no good…Tch Tch.’’ Said Baekhyun playfully, sitting himself down on the carpet near your legs.

‘’That’s because you’re always up to no good.’’ Mumbled Xuimin, as he plopped himself next to a drowsy Chen, fluffing up his pillows for the night. Kim Minseok was ever the early riser but that didn’t mean he didn’t like the company of his team mates on monthly movie dates, besides he had to make sure the boys kept the living room in at least a half decent state.

‘’It’s okay Minseok-ssi, he only means well.’’ you replied, giggling into your boyfriend. The Tumblr almost completely empty as it rested between the two of you.

Perhaps it was the dull hum of the movie in the background or the warmth that engulfed them that night, everyone seemed to forget that Kim Minseok was hardly ever wrong. For just a little over 20 minutes into the second half of the film, and over 2 more tumblrs of Baekhyuns delicious bubbly orange, you began to squirm in your seat.

‘’It’s just so hot Soo!’’ You said, almost shouting. Your raised voice alerted the attention of the other members and Yixing was quick to flick on the light switch. But everyone secretly hoped he hadn’t, for you had started to take off the large hoodie encasing your small body, leaving you in your purple sports bra.

‘’Jesus! Aren’t you guys hot too! Or is it just me, because I am sitting next to this handsome hunk of a human being.’’ You continued, turning to wink at kyungsoo. Your boyfriend sat there mortified, eyes bulging out as he took note of your bare form.

‘’Oh my god! She’s taking her clothes off!’’ Screamed Chanyeol from the other corner of the room as he scrambled to cover the makane’s eyes. Sehun’s shriek at the sudden blindness did well to awaken Kyungsoo’s protective instincts as he took his own sweatshirt off and wrapped you inside it.

‘’Oo la la Soo-yah…you look so sexy in that wife beater.’’ You spoke, licking your lips and he turned a shade of red that seemed to be darker than blood.

Upon seeing his flushed face, Baekhyun burst into fits of laughter and Kyungsoo stood up, wrapping his arms protectively around his personal burrito.

‘’What did you put into that drink Byun Baekhyun.’’ Asked kyungsoo, growling. The troublemaker took the opportunity to hide behind their Leader, fearing his imminent death.

‘’Yeah Baek? What did you put into the drink? She’s never like this! Hell, she’s never even worn shorts to the dorm before, let alone start stripping randomly.’’ Said Suho, the leader bringing his skills of observation into the questioning.

‘’It was only a bit of Orange Juice,’’ replied Baekhyun, ‘’and champagne and just a tiny hint of Vodka.’’ He added, voice just above a whisper.

‘’Byun Baekhyun, you’re dead meat.’’ Roared Kyungsoo, palms turning into strong fists.

‘’Meat! That’s what I want to do to you, eat you up just like Meat. Kyungie Baby…you’re yummy! Just like that lovely drink!’’ you said, smiling as you wriggled about in his shielding confines, finally managing to free your arms and wrap them around his neck.

‘’See! She thinks it was yummy, don’t glare at me Soo!’’ yelled Baek, pouting slightly.

‘’Did anyone say Meat? I’d love Chicken right now. How about we order some?’’ Said Jongin as strolled into the room, finishing up with his phone calls. ‘’Should we order beer too? And some ribs- Oh my god! I was only gone for 10 minutes and Noona’s naked!’’ he screamed. Yixing rubbed at his temples as he took Jongin to the side, trying his best to explain the situation.

‘’Oh for heaven’s sake people, let the man take his girlfriend to bed!’’ Shouted Suho, his patience wearing thin. He gave Kyungsoo an apologetic look as he turned himself around, facing the projector to unpause the movie.

‘’Thank god I don’t have a girlfriend…’’ mumbled Chanyeol as he switched off the main lights, the commotion of the night dying down in the darkness.

‘’You won’t get a girlfriend if you keep ‘’accidently’’ going to a gay bar Yeollie. It really isn’t anyone else’s fault that you have a thing for Baekhyun’s bum.’’ You whispered, your head lulling into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck. The whole dorm fell into an eerie silence before Chen’s loud laughter lead the pack into chortles, Sehun crying from happiness upon witnessing the frightened look on Baekhyun’s face.

‘’That’s my girl, always killing two birds with one stone.’’ Whispered Kyungsoo, nuzzling his nose with your own. ‘’How about we get you to bed and you can tell me just how sexy you think I am.’’ He continued, scooping you up into his arms.

‘’Mr and Mrs Satan. What a beautiful couple.’’ Said Junmyeon, grinning as he saw the love birds leave the room.

‘’Touché’’ replied Minseok, snuggling himself into the duvets, stealing warmth from Yixing’s supple back. Life in the dorms was great he thought, as he closed his eyes to sleep.

#exo #romance #fluff #drinking #scenario #kpop #comedy #kyungsoo #suho #yixing #chanyeol #sehun #chen #jongin #xuiming #baekhyun

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wdwqrfawes · 3 years

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Of calls and your repeated advisory

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unkindnessofone · 6 years

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5SOS. Running

Must read One Nest beforehand for this to make sense. Please enjoy. Sending it out to the darling @hemmo1996-5sosvevo. Thanks for the love!

Masterlist Here

To say the morning had gone well would be a flat out lie. It was close to 8:30 in the morning and Cagney felt like garbage that had been left out in the rain overnight. She had no idea how Luke functioned hungover or fucked up because her bones ached as she held March to her chest, feeding him, with only three hours of sleep running her body. Cagney was starting to feel like she did need the help of a nanny part time. Once full, March detached himself from his mum out of habit and she bounced him against her bare chest to burp him. Miles was on the ground, sitting up and watching his toddler sister with fascination, trying to touch her arm with both hands as she played with her stuffed mermaid doll on her lap. “Where’s daddy?” Penelope whined again, this time not bothering to look away from her toy to ask her mum. “He had to work early.” Cagney stuck to her life from the morning when Penny asked after coming downstairs due to screaming twin babies. Truthfully, Cagney didn’t know where her husband was. He had fled the night before after comforting one of the crying babies and she had no idea what was going to happen now. She worried he was somewhere on the other side of California, messed up in his sports car. Maybe, he was giving her a taste of her own medicine and fucking some beautiful actress broken. Cagney’s brain was spinning. She put March down with his other two siblings and wrestled her sports bra over her head and then the large 5SOS t shirt she had slept in over top.

“Alright, let’s get you some breakfast.” Cagney sighed as she earned her daughter’s attention. She carefully picked Miles up as March was crawling away at light speed as soon as the door of his nursery opened. As the small band of Hemmings were making their short journey to the kitchen, the sound of the front door opening caught both females attention. Luke was on the other side, his tired body still wearing what he had stalked out of the house in the night before. He looked beyond Cagney once his feet were inside and the front door was shut. “Daddy!” Penelope was running to him at light speed, her morning hunger forgotten for a moment. She ran into his legs and hugged them, his head dropping to give her all of his attention. He could feel Cagney looking to him, waiting for acknowledgment, but he had no intention of giving her any mind. He was still hurt by her actions, the way she seeked affection in someone else, and his disappointment had manifested itself into thick sludge-like anger. With three little ones around, he couldn’t react and that kept them both safe from his emotions for now. “Hey Pen…” Gently, he breathed back as his hands both pat her behind the shoulders. “Do you want to go to the studio with me today?" "Yes!” Thrilled, Penny threw her head up from his knees and showed off her beaming smile to him. For a second, it made Luke feel a touch better. He pat her back again and wiggled free since her hands had let go of the little grip they had on him. “Alright, I got to go get dressed first.” He informed her, stepping past to get a move on. Luke wasn’t interested in being in the house that hadn’t felt like a home for a while any longer than he needed to be. “You do too.” He mentioned to his daughter while scooping March off the ground and greeting his warm nose with a kiss. “I’m just about to make her breakfast.” Cagney told Luke sheepishly, her voice shy like the first time they met outside of her work. Luke glanced her over for a second from her bed head to dark circles to bare feet, certain they both looked just as shitty as the other, and then spoke again to Penelope who had made her way over to his leg again. “How does McDonalds breakfast soon?” It was a treat that Luke didn’t think she had had before. He knew she had happily picked on Chicken McNuggets once when Cagney was pregnant with the boys and was craving a Big Mac. “Yeah!” Penelope nodded with speed, not sure what she was so excited about. Luke kissed March again and put him back down in order to go get dressed, corralling Penny along with him. Luke helped himself to a quick face wash in the bathroom en suite to his bedroom with Cagney. He used a shot of her dry shampoo and then hit his neck with a mist of Dylan Blue by Versace. It was better than the scent of insomnia, rum, dry rage, and an entire carton of cigarettes. He brushed his teeth, put on deodorant and came out naked to see Penny had dressed herself and was waiting with her mermaid doll on her parents bed. “I’m almost ready, Penny Lou.” He winked at her and peeled a red hair elastic off his right wrist and gave it to her to put her hair up the way she liked it. He had been the habit of wearing one on his arm everywhere he went since Penelope became old enough to have an opinion about her hair and her preference was to have it up and out of her face. As Penelope was mirroring motions she always felt her mom do in order to tie up a ponytail behind her, Luke went to the walk in closet to dress himself. He settled on worn out jeans that were ripped at both knees and a blue V neck to still had the tag on. He took a light black bomber jacket just in case wind picked up and then took an extra minute to pack a few changes of clothes into a small Louis Vuitton carry on. It was Cagney’s bag, but he wasn’t bothered. Once packed, he called for Penelope’s attention as he waited by his open room door. She slid off the bed at the sound of him calling her name and ran over with her stuffed doll being held by her sea foam green hair, Penny’s ponytail bouncing behind her. He noticed that it wasn’t that messy and she was improving on her ability to do it by herself. She had on her stretchy blue legging shorts and a little cream colored t shirt with a watercolor rainbow in one corner. It had been gifted to her by Simone who took it upon herself to always keep all the kids closets full of cute pieces from international markets or designer duds. “Let’s get a sweater just in case.” He mumbled to his oldest and followed her to her bedroom. On her inside door knob, her grey zip up was hanging so Like hooked it through the handles of his carry on. He also took a second to go through her top drawer to take a swimsuit and a pair of clean underwear. “Want to bring a couple other toys?” It wasn’t as if the studio was the most child friendly place. Penny nodded and found her very small holographic seashell backpack. First, she shoved her doll inside, then took her thick box of crayons off the floor and a Bubbles Guppies activity book from her small book shelf by her closet. Luke looked around her room for one more thing, but figured she could watch a movie on someone’s iPad or laptop at the studio if need be. Heading downstairs, he watched Penelope as she carefully held onto the rail and took the steps as fast as she could with her backpack clunking against her. She went right to the front entrance door mat and sat on her butt, reaching for her discarded slip on shoes to pull them onto her feet. Luke was one step away from being on the main floor when Cagney came around and stood right in front of him, she had Miles in her arms while March was content in the play pen with a toy tambourine. “We need to talk.” Her voice was begging even if she was trying to be quiet in order to not let Penelope know that there was friction in her family. Luke just stared over Cagney’s blond frizzy hair and shrugged. He was being childish and he knew it, but he hadn’t filtered enough of his pure anger yet to behave in any better way. He focused his stare on Penelope’s pony tail, glaring at it like it owed him a blood debt. “You just stormed out last night,” Cagney almost hissed, moving a little to the left to line her face up with Luke’s. She wanted his attention. She wanted him to acknowledge she existed. “Don’t you think we should talk?” Things were more chaotic and challenging than they had ever been before the couple and Cagney was dying to move out of the disaster she had caused. It took two, of course, but she been the one to light fire to their world. “My mom is flying in to watch the kids,” Admitting that earned Luke’s attention. His blue eyes widened over her and screamed silently how disturbed they were. He did not like his in laws. “I called her last night and I think it would be good. We could go somewhere alone to talk.” Luke fought his tongue behind his tightly shut lips. He didn’t want to talk to her or be alone with her right now, but he knew that would not be helpful to say. “You invited your mother?” Christie Bloom knew the fastest way under Luke’s skin and she loved to remind him of that. “Well, she insist-” “Wow, Cagney, what are you going to do next? Make out with a Power Ranger in our pantry?” He had drunkeningly gone through Dacre Montgomery’s IMDB page last night once he was in a hotel room. He tortured himself with the Australian actors perfect abs and swore at different images he could find of the guy. Cagney showed off her disappointment in Luke’s comment, shoulders falling as he avoided eye contact with her again. She couldn’t say another word, Penny was standing at the door behind her and calling for Luke. He squinted at the baby boy against Cagney’s hip and checked whether it was Miles and not March before giving him a kiss on his chubby cheek. “I’m coming, Pen.” He moved right past Cagney as if she was just home decor and pushed open the house door, letting him and his littlest lady out, and then shut it loudly as if to let everyone know he was gone.

Cagney swallowed hard as she stood still, looking at the spot her husband had vacated, but focusing on nothing in particular. It took March’s screams from the other room to capture her attention and bring her back to reality. Luke might not have been happy her mom was coming into town, but she was looking forward to it.

——————

Playing it safe, Luke ordered Penelope a small stack of hot cakes and an apple juice from the drive thru. He was starving after a night of binge drinking by himself so he ordered a large black coffee and a big breakfast with a blueberry muffin on the side. Even if he didn’t devour it all, someone else would finish it up. He had the music on, but only turned it up to encourage Penelope who was clumsily singing along to Roxanne since the throwback station was still playing it. She had heard it enough times and the words were relatively easy for her to remember and say. By the second verse, Luke sang along with her - forgetting about his exhaustion and frustration with his own life. Once in the studio doors, later than he was supposed to be, he meant to set Penelope up on one of the back couches with her bag, but she ran straight for Ashton and hugged him while he lifted her onto his lap. “Aren’t you a pleasant surprise?” Ashton hugged her tightly in return, hamming up a groan as if he was squeezing her as hard as he could. “I have my shell!” She told him with an explosion of excitement through her ears. Her small hand reached behind her and smacked her backpack. Ashton was particularly fond of Penny’s little backpack and she knew that. “Is it full of pearls?” He engaged her imagination, but Luke interrupted before she could answer with more than a nod. “Penny, I got your pancakes.” He had opened up the yellow container on a spare couch cushion and was cutting them into bites she could handle with the dull plastic cutlery. Penelope didn’t waste any time wiggling off of Ashton’s lap and heading over to her Dad. She took off her bag and left it on the floor before going herself onto the couch to eat her breakfast. She was very hungry after all. Luke unfolded a napkin and stuffed it into the collar of her shirt. “Can you hang out here while I get some work done?” He asked her, but she was already rushing her first forkful of syrupy pancake into her mouth. Luke took her focus on eating as a ‘yes’ and kissed her forehead. It was nice to have her there even if he was busy. He took the rest of his take out bag and joined the producer by the desk, leaning in to find out what he missed. Michael was already in the sound booth and it looked like they were waiting on Calum and the producer’s assistant. Just as he expected he might, he set up the Bubble Guppies show on his phone and plugged in ear buds so Penelope could watch with her doll on the couch. Her activity book and crayons had held her interest for a grand total of fifteen minutes. Once she was occupied, Luke went back to trying to enforce his opinion on vocals. Ashton took himself out of the argument and joined the dirty blondie on the couch. When she offered him an ear bud, he leaned in and let her pop it in so they could watch the same episode together. The little mer-geniuses kind of freaked him out, but it was better than watching Michael and Luke frustrate one another from separate rooms. Luke was in need of a break by the time Penny was growing squirmy. She had watched two whole episodes and scribbled three different pictures in her book while lying on her tummy. She had been at the studio for two hours. Luke plunked her down on his lap and let his arm around her be comforting while he continued to work. When they hit hour three, he decided it was time to break for lunch. Instead of ordering in an obscene amount of food, he took Penny and Michael with him to Lemonade for a light salad lunch. The change of scenery was all Penny needed. “Are you staying at the hotel again?” Michael asked after washing his bite down with a sip of unsweetened iced tea. He and Grace went back and forth between renting houses and staying at the Chateau Marmont when they were in LA. It all came down to whatever mood his wife was in. “Yeah.” Luke nodded through his own gulp of water. “I think Pen and I are having a sleep over.” He hadn’t run it by Cagney, but he also didn’t intend to. It didn’t strike Mike as odd when Luke showed up at the hotel at two in the morning, drunk and lusting for another round. Everyone knew Cagney didn’t like the kids being around rowdiness especially when delivered by Luke. What raised Michael’s brows was that sober and conscious, Luke was choosing to stay at the hotel. “Oh? Well, Emme will be thrilled.” He leaned in and made one of his funnier faces at Penelope. She didn’t notice too much, just munching on edamame beans and looking at all the other people eating on the patio. “Everything okay?” He brought his focus back to Luke, trying to act like his question was very normal. “Yeah.” Luke lied with a single word and a cheerful shrug of his right shoulder. “Just want a little one on one time.” He was embarrassed that his wife had made out with someone else. It reflected on him poorly. Luke was ashamed of the current state of his marriage and himself. He had absolutely no desire to express to anyone how messed up everything was. He planned to lie, lie, lie. Michael didn’t buy it for a second, but he also knew better than to push and pry especially with Luke. Instead, Michael pulled Penny’s attention away from staring off at strangers as Like took out his phone to text friends. Luke called it quits at the studio after two more hours post lunch. Since Calum had finally arrived in town, struggling to leave his baby and girlfriend at home these days, they had a lot of bass work to complete and as much as Luke wanted to have a say in everything, he knew that it wasn’t necessary for him to be there for direction. He packed up Penelope’s little backpack and tossed it over his shoulder effortlessly, scooping his napping daughter up and holding her against the other shoulder to carry her to the car. Penelope woke up almost as soon as he started driving, the radio low but still enough to capture her attention. “Home now?” She checked through a yawn that was no bigger than she was. Penny moved to the side of her car seat, looking for a glimpse of her dad, but only ever catching pieces of his hair or his hands on the steering wheel. “Do you want to go swimming with Emmy?” Luke asked back at her, checking to see her expression through the mirror, instead of telling her they weren’t going home today. “Yes, please!” She wanted to see her best friend so badly that she showed off her manners. “Daddy, this is the best day ever.” She informed him happily while poking at the window and trying to find blue cars on the road. “Good.” Luke nodded back at her. It made him feel like less a failure to her that he was making her happy and filling a bad day with joy. Once at a red light, Luke reached back and felt her reach forward to try and hold his hand. He squeezed her fingers with his and laughed with amusement when she tried to squeeze his in return. The feelings they had for one another were mutual. The pool was mostly empty when Luke arrived with his two tiny bathing beauties. Penelope with her string bean body under an ombre blue one piece and Emmeline in a chic crisscross one piece, red with black sketched flowers all over it. Michael’s daughter had refused to come downstairs without glitter in her hair and a plastic pair of giant sunglasses on. He set them both at a lounge chair, telling them every fifteen seconds to wait before going in the water. Luke felt beyond grateful when Grace arrived at the pool with Iden holding her hand and waddling slow. No one could control a group of rambunctious kids like Grace Clifford could. She was Emmeline’s human leash, always keeping her in line and from running around wildly. Grace rolled her eyes right back at the suntanners who didn’t mask their disappointment that their were children in the pool area and helped Luke slather their antsy girls up with sunscreen. She made sure to remind Emmeline twice that she had to listen to Luke, stay in the shallow end, and behave. It was most surprising to Luke than anyone else, but splashing around with Penelope and Emmeline transported him out of his heavy state of frustration and into actual happiness. He was grinning with each corner of his mouth meeting an ear as he tossed the girls into the water, their arms linking around his neck and trying to pull him in. He remembered Ashton once describing his kids laughter as his favorite song and Luke, at the time, thought it was just the drummer being purposefully deep, but now he agreed. Hearing Penny giggle as she pretended to be a 'sparkly mermaid’ with Emmeline acted like medication to his hard heart. Grace called for a Chateau Marmont staff member to bring out a tray of raw vegetables and hummus dip for the kids to pick at. Forcing their pruning toes to take a break from kicking at Luke when they dog paddled around. Emme and Penny took to their own lounge chair with their snacks, leaving Luke and Grace nearby with Iden. Luke was on his phone, downloading samples that were being sent to him of what was happening in the studio. Still, he could feel Grace’s eyes on him like burning coals. Her stare left a mark. “What are you hiding from, Lucas?” She let go of Iden’s stomach as he was wrestling with her. He wanted to go see his sister. Her smile tightened as Luke slid his blue eyes from his screen and looked at her with an unamused smirk. “Sleeping here drunk last night, leaving the studio today, coming here for a midday swim with Penny…” “You’re describing a pretty good time, Grace Adna.” If she was going to call him Lucas, he would use her middle name that he knew she loathed. For a second, he had made her quiet, but only a second. Grace fixed her hair behind her ears, showing off her new Tiffany’s studs that had been an impulse buy after a small argument with Michael last week, and prepared herself for what to say next. “I’m describing someone who isn’t masking their marital woes very well.” She came back and met his frosty gaze with a raised brow that almost hissed ’checkmate’. “I’m married to Michael, you think I wouldn’t recognize a man frustrated with his wife.” To her, all sad men did the same dance. She had learned the choreography long before she took up with the love her life, a man she drove insane in a variety of ways. “What’s going on? Besides having three small children and no sleep…”

Luke wrestled with himself. He didn’t want to answer as he was too proud to let anyone know that his marriage was currently frayed and delicate, perhaps inching towards a undignified destiny. On the other hand, Luke knew Grace could see through him. He also knew she could keep a secret and she was someone who wasn’t foreign to a rough patch. She and Michael wore scars of their relationship like badges of honor. They never hid when things were difficult. Even when it was ugly, they were always honest. It often made him uncomfortable, but Luke had to admit it was sort of beautiful in it’s own way.

“She thinks….” He knew some of this was his fault. She felt distant from him because they had no time together with three small children and the time they could have together, even just an hour in bed watching TV, he spent getting wasted. Still, that wasn’t why Luke was avoiding his California house. “I guess I am…” Did he have a drug problem? No. Did he like to party? Yes. Was he feeling overwhelmed with new twins and a new album in the works? Absolutely. Luke was having a hard time navigating himself through the mess of his sleepy and pissed off mind at the moment. Sighing again, he glanced behind himself to check on Penelope. She was eating carrots without hummus, patting Iden’s hair, and talking about nothing at all in gibberish with Emme. She was happy and she had no idea how broken her Dad felt. “Cagney made out with some other guy.” He felt like a child saying it, but it hurt. She might as well have slept with Dacre. It stung all the same knowing someone else’s tongue was in her mouth, his mouth. Dacre’s hands had surely grabbed and explored the body that Luke had spent so long getting to know and learning with. The body that housed his three children, the body that he was in love with, the body that made up his wife. “I’m just fucking pissed. She told me last night.” He groaned out and leaned forward near Grace. His hands held his face before running through his greasy hair that was in desperate need of a wash that didn’t include chlorine. It was curlier now to since leaving the pool. He pushed his elbows into his knees that were poking out from under his navy swim trunks and grunted.

Grace moved from her lounge chair onto his and ran her own hand through his locks, comforting him like he was a brother of some sorts. She kissed the top of his head and then pulled him into her chest with her fingers picking at his hair with care.

“You know when Michael hurts me, I blast 'Go Your Own Way’ by Fleetwood Mac and scream in the closet. Do you think that would help?” Grace smiled to herself as she heard and felt Luke chuckle against the thin jersey material of her top. “It works!” She laughed back.

“I’m just fucking livid with her.” Finally, he admitted. Luke leaned onto his back and laid his head flat on Grace’s lap, using her face as a shield from the blistering sunshine that was beating down on them. “I’ve done fucked up shit and I know I drive her crazy with going out, partying, and drinking and whatever, but I would never do that. I would never fucking - “ Mindlessly, he began to play with his thick gold wedding band, sliding it up to his second knuckle and then pushing it back down. “I wouldn’t. You know that.” It wasn’t as if Luke hadn’t had ten thousand different opportunities to screw around on his wife either. He just always turned them down or walked away.

“You’re good people.” Grace agreed, her fingers playing with his locks in an effort to soothe his aching soul platonically. Sure, she had seen all four members of the band be idiot rock stars, but as they had all grown up together, Grace knew for certain that Luke meant well at his core. His conscience was kind. She knew she was a good judge of character too. “You don’t deserve to be betrayed like that.” Licking her lips, she promised him. Grace never said things she never meant. Honestly, she was surprised. She couldn’t believe that Cagney had it in her. She never would have pegged it to be her as the one to step out of the relationship. “Can I ask who it was? Not that it matters.” It could have been Luke’s clone from a different dimension, it still wouldn’t be okay. “Was it that actor guy? The one with the name I can’t pronounce?”

“You knew they were hanging out?” He raised off her lap quickly and searched Grace’s perpetually made up face for an answer.

“So did you.” She gave him a look just as crazy as the one he was shooting directly at her. “How could you have missed it? He was always around.”

“I thought it was harmless when she went to lunch with him.”

“I would cut Michael’s testicles off with dull shears if he took our kids to lunch with him and another woman.” Grace realized afterwards that she wasn’t helping, but the truth had a way of just slipping out of her. “His ex girlfriend sent us a baby booties when Emmeline was born and I sent her back the lyrics to that Big Sean song, 'IDFWU’, in gold cursive. I also donated the booties because I’m not a total monster.” She smiled, feeling better once Luke laughed and rolled his eyes at her. “Anyway, you didn’t know they were hanging out?”

“I didn’t know she was taking the kids everywhere with him or, like, going out a bunch. I knew they were friends.” Luke hadn’t given it enough thought. He felt foolish for the trust he practiced. Whenever he found himself feeling suspicious, he reminded himself that Cagney hadn’t jumped down his throat for being photographed with different women, mingling with actresses at industry parties, or even being upset when he made out with two beautiful models in a recent music video. He couldn’t be mad at her for making friends that were male. He didn’t want to be that guy. Now that Grace mentioned it, he didn’t like that she was bringing him around their family, his three kids. “I’m a fucking moron.”

“So, you’re just going to hide out here with Penny?”

“For now.” Luke sighed and shook his hair around his head before wiping at his tired face. “I have no desire to go home. I don’t want to look at her. I’m angry.”

“You need to cool off, for sure.” Grace agreed. “You got to take care of you. I think that means having martinis with me while the kids play.” She laughed, laying a hand on his knee and waiting for him to smile. “And if you need me to watch the kids sometimes or whatever, holler.”

“Thanks.” He gave her half a smile that was all sincere. “Don’t tell Mike or anybody about this, okay? I don’t want people to know.”

“You know I’m a vault.” She rolled her eyes and turned around to look at her kids completely, not surprised, but not happy to see that Emmeline was encouraging her little brother to put his hands in the hummus dish. “Whatever you decide, you got me on your side.” She rose to her feet and headed to fetch her mischievous children. “I know a great divorce lawyer, gang member, couples counselor, whatever you need.” She winked and took a towel from her daughter’s lap to wipe off Iden’s hands, right away scolding them both. They didn’t care. They were laughing right at her.

“Daddy?” Surprising Luke as he had just laid down on the lounge chair, hands folded behind his head and eyes shut. His feet were dangling off the edge as he was too tall and right by them was Penelope, hair still wet in her ponytail and shivering in her bathing suit since her towel was somewhere on the cement ground. “Are we going home soon?” Usually in California, she spent all her time with her mom and only saw her dad for meals or in between his schedule, sometimes he was gone for long stretches of time.

“No. I think we’re going to have a PJ party, you and me.” He smiled at her, but it faded as soon as he saw her look solemnly down at her bare feet, the sparkly polish that her mom had painted on it a few days before chipping at the edge. Luke sat up and leaned closer, waiting for Penny to stop pouting at the ground and look at him again. “You don’t want to do that?”

“I miss mummy.” She was little. It was to be expected.

“Yeah.” Luke could only deflate in response, reaching forward and waiting for her to put her petite hand in his. He squeezed it right away, but this time, Penny didn’t squeeze back. “I thought after you have a bath, we could play a game or play with Emme and Iden, and then we could watch a movie and eat dinner in bed, but if you want to go Penelope, I can take you home.” He wasn’t ready to go home himself and he certainly didn’t like the idea of spending another night away from his kids, alone and drunk in a hotel room, but he couldn’t keep Penny with him forever. Even though fractured at the moment, they were a family.

It took Penelope a long pause to figure out how to respond. She was an honest child and Luke felt proud of that. She didn’t just do things because other people wanted to, but she was still sweet most of the time.

“We can have a PJ party.” Nodding, she agreed and squeezed his hand back. “That could be fun. Can I play in Emme’s room too?” The two giggly girls never seemed to grow tired of one another. They had been thick as thieves since Penelope could keep up with Emmeline on her own two feet.

“Of course.” If the girls wanted to play, that meant Luke could keep venting to Grace and have one of her famously strong gin martinis.

— — — — — —- — — —

Michael was back from the studio. He had made a promise to Grace in couple’s counselling that when they were in the same city, he would have dinner with his family unless otherwise discussed or they had a date. She was always satisfied as long as he had more meals with them than without. His return signalled the end of Penelope and Emmeline’s impromptu play date. Emmeline didn’t seem to mind though because it meant spaghetti and meatballs for her and her father’s doting until bed time.

Luke bathed Penelope, rinsing the shampoo from her blond locks, and making a soap mohawk on top of her head. They talked about the twins, mermaids, and what they wanted for dinner. Privately, Luke was just relieved that his daughter didn’t interrogate him with questions about Cagney or anything. Perhaps, she didn’t realize that anything was wrong. She wasn’t as intuitive as Grace was yet.

For pyjamas, he dressed Penny in the blue v neck he had been wearing all day and set her up in bed with a memory game he had borrowed from Emmeline. He was pretty impressed with how much better she was getting at the very simple child’s game. Luke supposed the fact that it was Little Mermaid theme helped hold Penelope’s interest. She adored Ariel and thought Sebastian was funnier than her Dad and Uncle Mike. Once two rounds were finished, dinner was at the door. Steak, potatoes, and broccoli for Luke while Penelope only wanted grilled cheese. Luke insisted she have a fruit cup with it and she didn’t object, picking at the pieces of pineapple first. His whiskey glass was empty from the first round of Memory, so Luke took the opportunity to mix himself another jack and coke before crawling in bed to watch the opening credits of Lilo & Stitch. As of the last month, she had come to love it so Luke had it downloaded on his laptop and easy to take with him and hook into any television anywhere.

Full and sleepy from a day she considered to be 'the best’, Penelope fell asleep with the crust of her second half of sandwich in her hand. She was tucked under her Dad’s arm with her head rolling off his chest and onto his stomach. Luke adored her under the blue light. Since she was out like the hotel room lights, Luke was letting the film finish while he messed around on his phone, texting friends and going through notes from the studio. He didn’t want to move yet and possibly wake up Penny. He knew eventually he would want another drink or to shower the stench of his pain out of his hair, but for now, he was comfortable just laying in bed with his little lady.

He was comfortable until Cagney called, of course. He declined it instantly just as he had two other times during dinner. It wasn’t until she texted him that he felt inclined to dial her back. Her message made a pretty good point:

’You have had Penny all day. You have told me nothing. Call me. She is my daughter too.’

He couldn’t believe they were at this point. Cagney was the kind of girl that everyone described as 'wholesome’, 'loyal’, and 'saccharine’. After a string of opportunist girlfriends and entitled nobodies, Luke welcomed her innocent kindness. She just wanted him to relax and get some rest. He had never had that in a partner before. He always just tried to meet her level of decency somehow, make her proud to be his like he was proud to be hers. Now he was avoiding her like the kid with a cough in the waiting room and she was sending him missed off, bordering threatening texts. They weren’t the people they vowed to be to one another.

His thumb hovered over her name in red to signal that her last call was missed and eventually caved in. Luke cautiously moved off the bed and watched as Penny slid onto a pillow and stayed asleep. He poured a glass of just whiskey and carried it outside onto the balcony so he could talk to her freely. The howling of a party on a balcony a few floors beneath him sang into the wind, but Luke ignored it, took a gulp of his drink, and called his wife.

“Hi…” Tough, but frightened, Cagney answered. Luke wasn’t able to say a word even though he knew he should. It was strange, but even saying 'hello’ to her felt dishonest right now. “Is Penny good? Where are you guys?”

“She’s fine.” He decided not to be offended that she asked him about Penelope’s well-being. He was her father. What did Cagney think was happening? “We’re just staying somewhere else tonight. I’ll drop her off after breakfast tomorrow.” He had to go to the studio anyway as he had ducked out early today.

“Why don’t you guys come home? The twins are sleeping, my mom is here if they wake up…”

“She’s sleeping. I don’t want to wake her.” Luke grumbled, trying to keep his voice from emoting at all. It wasn’t easy for someone who wore his feelings on his sleeve and wrote hundreds upon hundreds of songs about them. “Plus, your mom being there is the least enticing.” Luke couldn’t help himself that time. He had to make a jab about Cagney’s parents. He didn’t even feel bad because he knew they would do the same and that his mother-in-law had probably said countless unflattering things about him since her flight landed.

Through the phone, Cagney’s eye roll accompanied by annoyed sigh through her nostrils could be heard, but Luke ignored them as he leaned over the ledge and kept nursing his drink while looking out at the busy Los Angeles traffic. Up high, he was safe from the construction zone that was the kingdom he had carelessly looked after.

“When are we going to talk, Luke? I think it’s important we do. I know I messed up, but - “

“You didn’t, like, add too much salt to something, Keg.” He growled, somehow keeping himself from completely ripping into her. “You didn’t mess up.” They had a toddler and baby twins. Luke knew what a mess up was thoroughly. This was a cultivated decision.

“I have felt so alone, that’s why -"

Luke had no interest in letting her explain herself, "I am alone! I’ve been on the other side of the world for weeks at a time, all the possibility of fucking someone else right in my face. You know I could walk into any room and find someone to fuck any day of the week,” It was a cocky truth to boast, but Luke figures right now it was warranted. “But I don’t. Never.” It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about it before. The idea was surely entertaining when he lonely or starved for affection. “Because I think it would be so fucked up to do something I explicitly promised not to do to you!” He almost roared, knocking his drink down on the mini table behind him, it’s splash dripping down his phone free hand. When Luke let himself think about the situation clearly, he wasn’t sure if the reception was drawn from the indiscretion of making out with Dacre. It was beyond that. It was the make believe relationship she was indulging in with him. It was how she seeked comfort in him. Luke hadn’t yet resolved with himself the anger that came from realizing he may never know the extent of their friendship. How much flirting did they do? Did they hold hands? Did she share her thoughts and hopes with him? Did he text her at all hours and tell her she was beautiful? The emotional infidelity scarred Luke more than the physical affair did. Cagney was crying on the line. He could hear her gasps for air as she sniffled. Luke realized then that frustration had brought reads to his own eyes, but he sniffled once against his bare arm and then tried to be silent. “How do I fix this, Luke?” Her voice was desperate and they both mutually loathed the sound. For Cagney, it was pathetic and she was ashamed of herself. For Luke, it was an out of tune reminder that she had badly hurt him. “Tell me what to do. I want to fix us.” Luke’s sticky fingers played with his hair, fidgeting to keep them busy, as he turned around mindlessly. He pressed his back into the railing, right where the elastic waist of his underwear was exposed. Through the curtains of his hotel room window, Penny was sleeping. Her body took up so little of the king sized bed while she was practically devoured whole in his tee. She had no idea her foundation had deep cracks running through it, cracks caused by careless steps from her parents hooves. Luke felt ashamed himself suddenly and took a loud breath in, feeling it at the bottom of his stomach. “I’ll drop Penelope off tomorrow around 9.” With a blank tone, he told Cagney while looking at the hair that needed trimming on his toes. “Luke, that’s not an answer. Are we going to be okay?" "That’s the only answer I have for you right now.” His throat tightened as he hung up, cutting her next words out. He didn’t know what she could do to help him forgive her, he had no idea if they would be okay, he was lost at the moment. Luke stayed on the balcony for a few more minutes, staring at the traffic but looking at nothing. His mind was everywhere and blank at the same time. He forgot all about his drink and left it on the table, deciding to go inside and adjust Penelope in the bed so her head was resting better on the pillow that had been his backrest before. Luke stared at his daughter in the dark while sitting on the edge of the bed and let the feelings of failure rush through his bloodstream, taking hold of his body. He was about to kiss her head, but he felt like he might start sobbing, so he went into the shower and let himself fall weak in there. Warm water washing over him, trying to clean him off all his bad decisions and pain. He sat on his knees on the floor of the shower, wishing he had a drink and wishing he could sleep the world away. For the first night that week, Luke went to bed consciously. He didn’t pass out, he wasn’t beyond speaking. He purposefully dried himself off after the shower, pulled his boxer briefs back on, and crawled into bed. Despite its large size, Penelope had rolled right into the middle and splayed her limbs out to optimize as much space as her body could. Luke formed a large S around her and fell asleep with the scent of her skin under his nose.

* * * * * ** *

Standing between his knees, pulling u comfortable faces, Penelope finished her breakfast toast and strawberry jam while her Dad brushed the tangles out of her hair sitting on the messy bed. “We’re home today?” The hotel felt like a tropical vacation to the little girl. “I’m dropping you off and then I’m going to work.” He explained while working on one particularly stern knot at the end of her long hair. “I wish you were home.” She whined, unknowingly punching him with guilt. “We can have a lunch or beach date soon.” Luke had yet to sort out how he was going to go about seeing his brood. He didn’t know if Penelope would figure out that he wasn’t home much anymore or if she would be used to his occasional absences from his job. He still didn’t know when he would be ready to sit down and talk to his wife. Luke was still just upset. His offer of a private hang out was enough for Penelope. She backed up against him as he stopped pulling on her hair with his brush and gave all her attention to the sticky jam on her fingers. He hid his eyes behind sunglasses and drove his girl home with one of his favorite Live Metallica albums playing. Penelope didn’t seem to mind the noise. She was counting palm trees up to ten and then starting again while holding her mermaid doll under one armpit. Luke didn’t even turn off his car when he pulled up in front of the house. He let it run and hustled to unstrap Penelope from her car seat. After sliding the straps of her backpack over her shoulders, he gave her a gentle tap on the back to insinuate it was time to go, walking behind her to the door. They weren’t even at the cement steps by the time Cagney snuck out the door. Penelope picked up her pace and ran for her mum, hugging her at the hips as soon as they met. “I missed you.” Hugging the little girl back, Cagney cooed. “I missed you too.” Penny mumbled into her mother’s legs, bare due to small jean shorts. She chose a tight pair in hopes to look attractive to her husband. “Wanna go say hi to grandma?” Cagney asked once Penny had let go of her. “Grandma’s here!” The little girl bounced, both women not noticing Luke’s eye roll. “See you later, Pen.” Grabbing his daughter’s attention again, Luke nodded at her. She took the steps carefully and ran to hug him again. She squeezed him with all her strength once he bent down at the waist to hug and kiss her back. “Be good, okay?” He prompted her, taking her eager nod as a promise before she took off into the house. It was just him and Cagney, forcing a wedge in his throat. Luke backed up a couple steps and tried to fight the burn in his stomach. “Do you want to come in?” Suspecting he didn’t, Cagney tried anyway. “No.” Especially not if his mother in law was still there. “I have Saturday to myself until the evening, I’ll take the boys out.” He told her. “What’s in the evening?” She may have hurt him, but it was still natural for her to ask about his schedule. It had been the one her life ran on for so long. She could see how badly she wounded him. He was carrying himself low around her, head down and hiding his face as if to not let her see the pain she covered it in. Cagney felt weak at the knees. She was the bad guy. This tension was on her. “Just a thing. Nothing.” Luke lied. He didn’t want to tell her. She would hate that he was going out and he also didn’t want her to show up. Right now, Luke craved space. For a moment, he glanced at her with half a wave tossed out of courtesy in her direction. “Wait, Luke!” She pushed herself off the door, but he didn’t turn around to see her. Luke simply slowed down his steps. “When are you coming home?" Once he stopped, Luke inhaled and thought about it before turning to her with a blank expression and shoulder shrug as an offer. "When I can be around you.” She complained about being alone, but Luke had no desire to stand by her side now. Leaving her with glossy eyes, Luke shrugged again and left. He turned up the volume of his music to the highest decimal and drove as fast as he could to the studio. He had some things that were screaming in the cage of his body to get out. If there was a cure for his current rage, he knew he would only find it in the studio.

#luke hemmings au #5sos au

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pikadotnet · 7 years

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Passion Is The Power

At First When You Don't Succeed...

17年09月02日 - 5:19 PM EST | So...when we last left off there was a promise of trying to be more "timely" and "proactive" on posting and round-about just getting stuffs done. Well...*hides under a rock*...in my um...*looks around shyly*...ummm, in my defense...(if I even have one?)...I have been proactive but just in ways that you all can't actually see. ﾟ. :｡(*´ｪ`*)ﾟ. :｡ So, let me explain a bit if I may? Shortly after we left off last, I had a TERRIBLE ear ache that knocked me down and out. Being down and out stinks for anyone, but it really, REALLY offset my whole balance. So...I started to think really hard about HOW exactly I would accomplish the tasks I set out to accomplish; like making sure I was able to post on a more consistent basis, right...remember that? Wellllll...that's when I started making a list at work of things that were keeping me from being able to accomplish this task. Here's what I came up with:

Catching up and completing assignments at work

Finding time (while still awake) to sit down at my computer

Focusing on the task of writing a post

My wonderful furry and spiky family members (2 Dogs / 1 Cat / 1 Hedgehog)

Finding media to complement my post ideas

Realization that Instagram / Facebook / Twitter would all suffer if I spent my time just writing

Spending time and catching up with loved ones like friends and family

Monthly bills and stretching money to last (currently achieving PRO level BOOYAH!!! lol)

Desire to just be a little lazy-log-loaf

A little game called Pokémon GO

So, of course I realized that some of these things just can't be helped. Things like work, taking care of my furry and spiky family members, friends, family, and stretching money to pay bills and do life-stuff (something I like to commonly refer to as adulting) just cannot be ignored. Can I just say...and for the record...ADULTING TOTALLY SUCKS!!! (๐•̆ ·̭ •̆๐)

But out of all this list making and chronic complaining (sometimes I whine ok...sometimes I can be a TOTAL PAIN LOL just ask any of my friends) something really, REALLY good came out of it! ✧◝( ◠‿◠ )◜✧˖° I found that I was living in total chaos while mundane tasks in life were truly dragging me down and wearing on me in ways I hadn't really fully comprehended or maybe didn't want to accept? Well...that all ended as soon as my ear ache cleared up! By the way, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH for all your wishes to feel better soon! That really made me smile and helped me to feel better, so...THANK YOU!!! *GIANT HUGS WHILE SQUEEZING TIGHTLY* Sooooooo, after getting all better and catching up somewhat at work I decided that I could either give up, or fight! I gave my mommy-chu a call (something I commonly do because my mommy and I are super close *waves happily* I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!) and she told me, "Pika...I've known you a long time sweetie...and I know that not only do you have this...you'll find a way to fight and achieve even MORE than you originally hoped." I asked her, "You really think so?" Even though she lives thousands of miles away, I could feel that smile and it warmed my heart. NOTHING is better than when you FEEL the love from your family, and my mother means THE WORLD to me! Then, my brother, who means more to me than he'll prolly ever know (YES YOU!!! *sticks tongue out and makes a face*) commented that, "if you just find a balance, I know you'll be fine. Don't worry so much! Your problem Pika is that you overthink everything and make it more complicated than it needs to be." I thought about that and realized, as much as I didn't want to, he was right. Can I stop for a second and just say how much it BOTHERS me that he is like, ALWAYS right!!! -_-# UGH!! I love him to pieces and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him, but it wears on me when I hear him say something, and as much as I may deny it...he's...always...(annoyingly) right... Well...I decided something needed to be done. I didn't want to walk away from everything I had started, and push away everything that I fought so hard for. I want so desperately to find a balance between life / work / social / blog / and storefront (soon to be revisited and opened). My brother was right, somehow I just needed to heed the infamous Nike slogan and "Just Do It" but in a way that wouldn't topple me over and make those things I want so badly feel like a chore instead of a pleasure. Why am I sharing all this with you, you ask? Well, I do care about you internet-readers out there that actually take the time and read my posts. I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN YOU KNOW!!!! I figured that if anyone out there ever has struggled or may currently be struggling with the same things I am right now that possibly sharing my approach with you all could help someone out there? Well, after reflecting on what my mother and brother told me, thats when I think I found a solution (maybe?) !

Passion Drives Everything

The heading says it all doesn't it? LOL My secret weapon? Passion. Some may say structure is key, others have told me scheduling, or planning. All of those things are nice, but without a drive, a reason, a cause, or simply put...passion...they're kinda...worthless? ^_^;; So, my best advice to anyone in this situation is to evaluate, or re-evaluate in my case, your passion. Sometimes your original goal changes and morphs into something else! Sometimes its bigger! Sometimes, sadly passion just fades, and thats okay too, ya know? Well...in my particular case, my passion hasn't faded but its kinda taken a backseat to life at the moment. The "backseat-ing" of my passion has become kinda apparent sadly, but I think this was the best thing to happen to me. The stopgap of time has allowed me to reflect a lot and truly realize how important this endeavor of love (this website and social media outlets) is to me and how starved it has become by letting it sit like it has for far too long.

One of the analogies I like to draw upon when considering whether or not I am giving enough attention to a passion of mine is this: Is my passion my acquaintance, my friend or my child? If my passion is my "acquaintance" than I suppose like an actual acquaintance I would give my time briefly and be polite, but the truth really is that an acquaintance doesn't get terribly too much attention, right? (・'v`・)？？ What about a friend? Some might argue that people give more attention to friends than their own children but in this case, lets say that that's NOT the case, ok? XD In the same fashion as a comparable to an acquaintance, a friend would get more attention and dedication, and one might even say some tender love and care. Children are different though. Children would require nurturing and compassion, and when those very rare moments occur (or at least we aim for rare) when children fail or are lost without direction, they turn to their parents, right? So, in this analogy, if you were the parent of your passion; the one...true...dedicated...controller of this little one's fate...don't you owe it to your passion to plant seeds towards its success? Maybe thats the answer then? If you truly own your passion and make it yours, can anything really stop you? Would anything stop you as a parent if something were to happen to your child? In this new light, it gave great perspective to my situation. A perspective I can honestly say allowed me to see the flaws of my "parenting" and a call to ensure my "child" receives the attention it truly deserves. I can start by committing real definable goals to my "child" and seeing where that takes me. In order to do this, I'm gonna have to consider how to fit everything in and find ways to make things easier while still keeping my promises to my "child".

A Solution At Long Last (Maybe?)

So the challenge seems SO much clearer now: How do I commit to my passion while making it feel less like a chore but still giving it the dedication it deserves and needs? The answer is less clear but at least now with the challenge defined it allows what others have suggested to start falling into place. Once you make the choice and can commit fully to your passion, the rest seems to be semantics and details. To try and aide me on this journey I decided to take a leap of faith and gave in and bought a shiny new iPad Pro(hibitor) to hopefully help make the issue of pulling out my computer a tad easier? The thought was that if I could write posts with the Apple iOS device, maybe it would help at least provide a way for posts to get written at a faster and more steady rate than relying on when I pull out my computer. Honestly, I think the only reason that pulling out my computer currently causes "Lazy-Loaf Syndrome" (LOL) is because my work, personal email and website data is also stored across this system? Also, I think that having an interface where I don't have to work with media and can just write might actually be a HUGE benefit and help with one of those other issues...focus. UGH! Me and my ADHD can get pretty bad, but as the first post written entirely on the iPad Pro (before being edited on my Apple MacBook Pro) I have to say that the only thing I personally feel that I have to work on now is my ability to write quicker! LOL XD Honestly though, I think this might actually be a big part of the solution that I needed. LETS HOPE SO!!! *Fingers crossed*

Signed with love, compassion, and sincere desire for change,

ピカさん

#Personal #Goals #//LIFE #reflection

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silhouetted-beauty · 7 years

Text

Unexpected Visitor

Word Count: 3,823

Warning: Smut (A little control is good for the soul)^^

A/N:This was originally supposed to be an “AMBW” story and I decided to keep it that way. Anyone who has a problem with that or doesn’t like ambw stories, I don’t suggest you read pass this point.

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Tonight was the night that you were expecting your boyfriend to come home after a three month tour away. You had prepared his favorite meal, cleaned the apartment and even had a little surprise for him under your robe. You sat on the couch sipping your wine as you waited as the clock counted down, imagining all the dirty ideas you had in store for him. You rubbed your thighs together to create some kind of friction after promising Jungkook that you wouldn’t touch yourself while he was away.

The two of you had been secretly dating for a year, although the rest of the boys knew. It made you feel better knowing that the rest of the world was unaware of the relationship. That way, he could continue to perform and travel with no problem and you didn’t have to worry about your privacy being invaded. Jungkook didn’t have a problem with how you two met up and neither did you. Everything was working out perfectly.

You were torn from your make-believe when your cell phone rung out. Smiling at the picture of the very person you wanted to see.

“Hi, babe!”

“Hey, noona.”

When you two met, you had told Jungkook that he didn’t have to be so formal with you and to call you by your name. But he continued to go back and forth between the two. You bit your lip and pouted. “You’re late and I miss you!”

“I miss you too.” It was loud on his end of the phone. You could hear the boys talking and laughing as well as music playing in the background.

“So are you on your way? When will you be arriving?”

“Yeah, about that… I won’t be home for a couple more days.”

“A COUPLE DAYS?! What the hell Jungkook! You promised me that you would be home tonight!”

"I know and I’m sorry. I really wanted to be there and hold your body close to mine.”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever Kookie. I can’t even believe you right now! Do you know that I… never mind.”

“Come on, don’t sulk.”

“I guess we both will have to suffer.” You sighed, moving your curly hair out of your face.

“What does that mean?! I hope you’re not planning on touching yourself. Remember your promise, Noona?”

“To hell with you and that promise! You broke it the moment you cancelled on me tonight. So I will fuck myself so good and hard, wishing it was the real thing.” It was quiet on his end and then you heard him sigh.

“Y/n… I swear if you lay one finger, toy, or object on my pussy, you will regret it.”

“It won’t help in your case to make threats over the phone. Especially since you’re there and I’m here… alone… with my toys. Have a good night, sweetheart. I’ll see you a few days.”

Jungkook was about to say something but you hung up the phone and turned it off. You tossed the phone on the couch and scoffed. Grabbing the glass, you finished off the rest of the wine. Yes, you could have waited a couple more days for Jungkook but the bottom line was that you had already waited three months. Three full months without a single form of pressure against your pussy. You were sexually frustrated beyond belief. It didn’t help that within those months, Jungkook would call and tease you but like the good loyal girlfriend, you refrained from touching yourself. Even tonight, hearing his deep voice as he warned you made you wet.

You got up from the couch and paced back and forth. Maybe you could hold out for a few more days. You could just keep yourself occupied and distracted until he does come home. First, a shower to calm me down. You undressed right where you stood and walked into your bedroom to the bathroom. iPad in hand, you turned on one of your playlists and stepped in the shower. Your soft curls hung down your back with the weight of the water. Your hands slowly massaged your skin as the warm water cascaded down on you. Right when you thought you had everything under control, a BTS song played and you nearly lost it when you heard Jungkook’s voice. Your horniness came back ten times stronger. His voice sung so light and beautiful but only you knew how deep and sensual his voice really was, especially when Jungkook is drilling into you. Not to mention all the dirty thoughts of what y'all had done in the shower came flooding into your mind. Fuck this! You turned off the water and walked into your bedroom, dripping water from your hair and body with every step you took. Grabbing your vibrating bullet, you threw yourself on the bed and wasted no time burying your fingers inside your pussy while the vibrator played on your clit. You rubbed and teased yourself, listening for your boyfriend’s part. If Jungkook knew what you were doing right now, he would lose it but you also didn’t care. You needed this, you needed him.

Jungkook laughed and joked with the other members on their way back to the dorm. They had just landed and were looking forward to resting the next few weeks. However, Jungkook had more on his mind. He couldn’t wait to see you and finally give you sex you had been begging for. To touch and taste your soft and creamy dark skin and wake up to you the next day. His cock jumped in his pants at the thought. But true to his style, what kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn’t call and prank you first.

Jungkook suppressed his laughter when he heard the anger and disappointment in your voice. It made him want to come clean about the joke, that is, until he figured out your retaliation plan. Jungkook assumed you were joking but when you hung up in his face, he was in disbelief. Over and over he dialed your number, getting your voicemail each time. His once cheerful attitude was replaced with shear annoyance. Not even the guy’s jokes could cheer him up.

Once he made it back to the dorm, he packed a couple days worth of clothes and headed to your apartment. He glanced around to make sure he wasn’t being followed and used the key you gave him to enter. It was quiet when he walked in, he almost thought you weren’t there. But your scattered clothes and opened wine bottle stated otherwise. He quietly walked through the apartment until certain sounds hit his ears. Sounds that he already knew who were making them. Looking through your bedroom door confirmed his suspensions. There you were, legs spread wide with your fingers plunging in and out of your cunt. You were so wet, Jungkook could see your fluids dripping down your ass to the bed. The front of his pants immediately became tight as he fought urge to burst through the door. He watched you pleasure yourself, deciding to wait until you finished to make his move.

Your orgasm hit you hard. You squeezed your eyes tight together as the pleasure ran through you. Your chest heaved up and down, trying to catch your breath. With your eyes still shut, you brought your dripping wet fingers to your mouth and suck on them. “Shit.” You groaned out, falling back against the bed. Why couldn’t he be here? It was then that you felt something wet and warm between your legs. Your heart pounded in your chest after realizing you weren’t alone. Quickly opening your eyes and leaning forward, you found Jungkook staring back at you with his mouth devouring your pussy. Your head fell back and your eyes closed as he licked up all traces of your arousal. When he realized he had your attention, he removed his mouth.

“Look at what you’ve done, Noona.” He breathed into your core.

“You’ve been a naughty woman and now I have to punish you.”

His tongue slowly licked up and down your pussy, opening your lips to his wet pink muscle. He neglected your clit for the time being, seeing how you were sensitive. Jungkook moved further between your legs, separating them until you were spread eagle for his eyes. His tongue circled around your entrance before dipping inside. Your hands found his silky strands of hair and gripped them. He tongue fucked you driving his tongue deep inside you repeatedly before licking back up to your clit. This time took the small bud in his mouth. When he felt your body start to tighten up, Jungkook smiled to himself. He licked two of his fingers and shoved them into your pussy. His lips found your clit while his fingers thrusted at a pace he wished was his dick. Finally, he was rewards with your moans. Your fingers tightly held on close to his scalp as you fought to pull him closer. Jungkook was bringing you to the brink of another orgasm.

“That’s right, let me fucking hear that beautiful voice.” He stated roughly.

“Oh fuck!… I’m gonna cum!” Jungkook immediately removed his hand and mouth away from you.

“No you’re not.” He smirked, watching as your orgasm subside after it was taken from you.

“W-wh-” you stuttered, trying to form a coherent sentence.

“You are being punished, Noona. I already stated that. As of now, you are not allowed to cum. But that is just the beginning of what I have in store for you,” Jungkook said. Your bottom lip stuck out as you pouted. You wanted to argue but you knew it would only work against you. Jungkook was in charge tonight, what he says goes. “You are being punished for three reasons. Would you like to hear them or do you know what they are?”

“Is it because I touched myself?”

“That’s only one reason. What about the other two?”

“Shit, Jungkook! I don’t know!” You yelled, starting to feel frustrated because you were denied your second orgasm. But Jungkook only chuckled.

“The second reason is because you hung up on me and turned off your phone,” he stated, gauging your reaction. But when you just stare back at him, he continued. “Don’t you find it disrespectful to hang up in someone’s face, especially when you know they were talking? AND you cut off your phone. What if something important happened and I couldn’t reach you?”

“Okay, you have a point. I was just mad that you knew I wanted to see you and I didn’t want to hear any more excuses. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“I’ll just take your word and hope that it won’t. But the third reason as to why you’re being punished is because you broke your promise.” You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “Really?”

“Yes, really! I didn’t break my promise! I’m here, aren’t I?,”

Jungkook raised his voice, slightly annoyed. It startled you a little but you also felt that feeling in the pit of your stomach. “How can I trust you not to break other promises if things don’t go your way? You’re starting to become a spoiled brat…”

Usually you would get offended by Jungkook’s belittling, but now, it was turning you on more. You wanted him to bend you over his lap and teach you a lesson, fuck you so hard that you couldn’t walk, make you cum so much, your pussy would become a drought.

“Y/n?!,” Jungkook voice brought you out of your lust-filled imagination. Your eyes focused on him. His dark eyes hardened on your figure and his brows were buried into his forehead. “Are you even listening?!”

“Yes, I w-”

“Now you’ve added on another reason why you’re being punished.” He interrupted. Jungkook watched as you tried to hold back your anger. What did he expect? You were horny as fuck with nothing but dick on your mind. And to add insult to injury, his hand rubbed down your slit and back up to your clit, using his middle finger to slowly rub your clit in a circular motion. Daring you to step out of line. He leaned in closer so that your lips barely touched, breathing in each other’s air.

Jungkook watched as lust quickly filled your eyes and smiled. “Is there something you wanted to say?”

“Mm… no” you breathed. The movement stopped and Jungkook withdrew his hand.

“Good… now on your knees and don’t move.” He commanded.

You obeyed as Jungkook disappeared from your peripheral vision. It was quiet for a while until you felt something secure across both of your wrists behind your back. You heard a chain but it didn’t feel like handcuffs. The same materials and sounds went across your ankles but you noticed the chain was a lot longer.

Jungkook made sure the wrist and ankle cuffs were tightly place on your limbs. He pushed you down so that your face was in the bed and your ass was in the air. Once again he didn’t speak and he room became quiet. After a couple minutes went by, you started to become anxious.

“Jungk-” Your thoughts were interrupted by a firm hand on your ass. Followed by another.

“Bad girls don’t speak,” he said in between hits. “Bad girls get spankings. Unless you have something to say about your behavior tonight.”

Each hit carried a small vibration to your clit. You tried not to enjoy it but you couldn’t help it. You could feels yourself getting wetter and hoped that it wouldn’t upset Jungkook.

“Okay! Kookie, I learned my lesson. I won’t touch myself while you are gone.” You yelled into the mattress. The spankings stopped and you felt his hand rub over your sore, sensitive cheek.

“I don’t believe you. You say one thing but your body says another. You’re enjoying this and not taking it seriously.” Before you can speak, you feel his hand smack your other ass cheek. It was no use, you let him continue the punishment, making your wetness drip down your thighs. Jungkook pushed your legs apart, sinking you further into the bed. He held you still and licking his way up your thighs. He licked from your clit to your entrance, gathering your juices on his tongue.

“Dammit! I really can’t get enough of your taste. If you weren’t such a bad girl, I’d let you sit on my face all night.”

You felt Jungkook move away from you. The moment you heard buzzing, you knew you were in trouble. He brought the toy to your clit, releasing a slight twitch from your body. Using tape, he strapped the the small bullet to your clit and pushed another vibrator inside your pussy. You quivered at the feeling but you heard a chuckle from Jungkook.

“You really love your toys, don’t you? Well let’s see if you can multitask.”

He grabbed your leg and pulled you to the end of the bed. He turned you around and made you kneel on the floor in front of him. The toy shifted inside of you causing you to groan. “You better not cum, noona.” He warned. You stared up at his tall frame and nodded.

Jungkook pulled his shirt over his head, flexing his muscles and abs in the process. Your mouth watered looking at him. Your eyes locked with his as he started to unfasten his belt and pants. They pooled around his ankles and your eyes found his bulge hiding behind his black boxer briefs. Jungkook pulled down his boxers to join the rest of his clothes on the floor. The moment you caught a glimpse of his cock as it sprang free, you threw your head back.

“Oh my god!” You moaned out loud. He looked good and you wanted him so bad. Not to mention the small but powerful toys was rubbing against your walls and clit. You were dripping down your legs, forming a puddle under you. Trying like hell to think of something sad to keep from cumming. After seeing your reaction, Jungkook smirked, stepping out of his clothes and walking towards you.

“Open your mouth.”

Your lips parted and he attacked them with his own. He kissed you hungrily, shoving his tongue in your mouth. You gladly accepted and massaged yours against his. It became a battle for control as you tried to keep up with his pace.

“Suck me off. It’s been too long since I felt those beautiful, soft lips on me.” Jungkook commanded, to which you happily obliged. You were dying to taste him.

He stroked himself while you licked the precum that oozed out of his slit. You didn’t waste any time getting him inside your mouth and immediately went to work. You tightened your lips around him, bobbing your head back and forth. Hollowing your cheeks and humming on his length.

Jungkook groaned tossing his head back. “Fuck, noona.”

His hands gripped your hair as he controlled your movements. His cock hit the back of your mouth and when you choked, he shoved his hips forward settling in your throat. Tears filled your eyes as you tried to move your head away. Your airway was blocked but Jungkook tightly held your head in place, feeling the way your muscles contracted around him. By now tears were running like a river down your face. The vibrator managed to find your spot, releasing a cry from your body. You were so close. Jungkook instantly read your demeanor and removed himself from your mouth as well as the vibrators. You cried out from being denied again. Your body was working on overload and it was trying to handle all the mistreatment.

“I-I… I don’t think-”

“What was that, y/n? Are you giving me a real apology?” He asked in a smart ass kind of way. When you didn’t answer, you heard him sigh. “I guess you want to continue your punishment. Get on the bed.”

You move to stand but your legs almost gave out on you. Jungkook ran to catch you quickly taking note of your trembling body. He laid you down on your back and crawled between your legs, letting your chained ankles rest behind him. Lining up to your entrance, Jungkook pushed himself in, emitting a moan from the both of you. His hips started rapidly hitting yours, rolling up deep into you. He looked down at you and your vulnerable state and became turned on even more. Jungkook loved the fact that he could make an older woman submit to him and bend at his will. You always treated him like he was older and let him take control in the bedroom. And for that, you held a special place in his heart.

Jungkook lean forward, covering his body with yours but still continued to thrust. He held on to your face, making you lock eyes with him. His lips found yours as you shared your first meaningful kiss of the night.

“I fucking love you.” Jungkook breathed into your mouth. He pounded away at your cunt, brushing against your clit. That tingling sensation came back and you were more than ready to release. You tightened around his cock.

“K-Kookie… I need… to cum”

Jungkook quickly sat up and pulled out of you, denying you yet again. “Not without my apology first.” Tears refilled your eyes as you cried. Your body trembled harder becoming weaker. It was holding back so much and all you needed was to let it out.

“You’re shaking, noona,” he teased. “All it takes it three simple words.”

“I AM FUCKING SORRY, JUNGKOOK! I’M SORRY FOR TURNING OFF MY PHONE, I’M SORRY FOR TOUCHING MYSELF, I’M SORRY FOR BREAKING MY PROMISE!!! PLEASE! LET ME CUM!!” You screamed at the top of your lungs. You figured the neighbors wouldn’t be happy with all the noise you were making but you didn’t care. All that mattered was your boyfriend giving you what you wanted.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Jungkook chuckled.

He lifted one of your legs to rest on his shoulder while he straddled the one lying on the bed. When he entered you again, he could tell the difference. Your pussy was overflowing juice that the two you made a lewd wet sound where your bodies joined together. Your body also gripped his cock and Jungkook could tell you were near your end. With this position, he was able to sink further into your pussy, feeling your muscles contract around him. Your fingers dug into your skin as you held on to your wrist for support. Jungkook picked up where he left off plummeting deep into your cunt. The bed shook and repeatedly hit the wall under two moving bodies. Your breasts bounced hard with every thrust making you bite your lip and arched your back off the bed. This was what you were missing. Everything you did to get under your boyfriend’s skin was well worth it. This moment made up for the three months of sex you missed out on. He was going to make sure your pussy was ruined when the night was over. Jungkook didn’t want to admit it but you were making him lose control. His own release was not too far behind. Your pussy held on to him just right as if it was specially made for him.

“Shit, y/n. You’re unbelievable!” He groaned as he kissed your calf.

Jungkook quickened his pace, watching you unravel beneath him. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. Your stomach tightened and your eyes rolled back as your orgasm washed over you. Jungkook continued to thrust, releasing his own orgasm letting your pussy suck the cum right out of him. The powerful feeling became too much for your body and you ended up blacking out. Your body fell limp against the bed.

When you came to, Jungkook was smiling down at you. His hair and body was covered in sweat that dripped off of him. You were still in the same position and Jungkook’s cock was still inside you. He leaned forward and kissed your lips.

“I love you, y/n.”

“I love you too, babe,” you smiled then giggled. “You really wore me out.”

Jungkook was kissing down your neck to your breasts. He licked around your nipple before placing his mouth over the small dark colored bud.

“Who said I was done?” He mumbled. It was then you felt him hardened inside you. You leaned up on your elbows to stare at him.

“But… I…” you stuttered. He smiled his beautiful golden smile and shook his head.

“I may have accepted your apology, noona. But your punishment is far from over,” Jungkook sat up and playfully slapped the underside of your ass. “Now get your ass to the bathroom.”

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook smut #jungkook smut #bts jungkook smut #bts jeon jungkook #bts smut #bts scenarios #jungkook scenarios #bts imagines #jungkook imagine #kpop smut #kpop scenarios #ambw #ambw kpop

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