#//Which does help LOADS bc he's forced to take a break to cry it out; then continue a lot calmer after he's gotten it out of his system | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bubbleteaa · 4 years

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The second button [Bokuto Koutarou x Reader]

the second button;; pairing: bokuto koutarou x reader, slight akaashi x reader fandom: haikyuu!! genres: angst, slight fluff word count: 1k or smth (drabble)

a/n: i want to give an special thanks to @drainedjaz ( @boomboomjaz go simp for jazz and her work pls) for beta reading and giving me recommendations <3 ily baby. also, i want to thank to the entire cheese cult just bc i love them so much and im simping so hard for them, like, a lot-. Please stay safe, drink tons of water, eat your meals and sleep at least 8 hours (do it at least for me cuz i canT AKSJHDJS)! I love you <3

Summary: You asked Bokuto for his second button after the graduation ceremony, but it was too late.

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ ☾　 °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

Time goes fast. Too fast. One day you are in diapers and the next in hakama, with a diploma in your hands and looking for the second button. The button of the boy you had fallen in love with.

You smiled lightly as you searched for Bokuto, the crowds at the ceremony starting to condense as you walked down the halls. You looked for it with your gaze, which stopped when you found the boy, you looked at his back to a few second-year girls you recognized.

“Taro!” You called him without erasing your smile. Bokuto lightly turned his head towards you and gave you one of his best smiles. His smile. His smile made your knees tremble, created convulsions in your heart, confused your thoughts. You were still behind him when he answered you, the number of girls after they saw you started to decrease.

He didn't talk until the last one left.

“Hey hey hey! Y/N-chan” he smiled, fixing his clothes and his hair. His smile was different from that of other days, his eyes shone with an intensity that he only dedicated to volleyball “We graduated!” He laughed, turning around fully to face you.

Your eyes were glued to his face, his expression of joy. You wanted to see his expression over and over for the rest of your life. You wanted to be able to see him grow as a professional, you wanted to help him, encourage him, love him, and shower him with words, kisses, hugs.

You loved him. So much.

“Yes” you replied, closing your eyes and smiling at him “Congratulations, Koutarou” you took his free hand and squeezed it a little. Bokuto acted as always before you displayed affection, he only corresponded “You did a good job, you are too cool, I am very happy” you swallowed to open your eyes and look him in the eyes “Uh..., I wanted to ask you something”

“Uh, what's going on Y/N-chan?” before the compliments, the boy with golden eyes looked at you with emotion “What's wrong? What's up?"

The love you felt for Bokuto was different from the one you had with any other boy you met before, it was not the same, it was not even close to being the same. Bokuto was different. It was special. He was someone who was always there for you, regardless of time or place. Someone who always gave you love, hugged you, caused you things you never thought you would feel.

Your love for Bokuto made you weak.

“I like you, Taro. Like, I have like you for a long, long time. I wanted to ask you if you could give me your second button” the words came out softly, a deep pink sneaked down your cheeks while you did not break eye contact with Bokuto. The grip of his hand with yours tightened a little, nervously.

“Ah...”

You blinked slightly confused when Bokuto released your hand and scratched the back of his neck. He avoided looking at you. At his action, your gaze began to slide down the features of his face, then down his neck to reach his shirt. Your heart began to beat strongly and quickly, your head began to process things slowly, your knees weakened, threatening to touch the ground.

His second button was missing.

His second button did not belong to you.

“I gave Rin-chan my button” his tone started to drop as if he was scared of hurting you “I really like her...”

Your ears stopped listening to his words, your lips trembled strongly. You shook your head, trying to push out negative emotions. You had to be happy for him. You had to be strong for him.

Bokuto had always been strong for you.

“Ah!” you said, closing your eyes and waving your hands nervously “I understand, don't worry, Bokuto!” you denied again, without opening your eyes “You must be very happy. Rin-chan is very pretty”

“Yeah…”

“I should go, Bokuto. Good luck” the last words were said softly, but they were loaded with sadness and pain. A bittersweet taste appeared on your lips "I love you very much"

Before he could answer you, you bowed to him and left.

Time goes fast. One day you have your heart beating for someone and at other, it's broken. One day you use dresses and you look beautiful in them, and at others, you wear a hakama that covers your whole body full of sadness.

You walked differently than how you walked when you wanted to be in his arms, how you wanted to jump and kiss his lips, how you walked when you were with him.

You weren't walking, you were running away.

You left through the main entrance to the building where the ceremony was taking place. Your breathing seemed to catch for every breath you took, your heartbeat that hurt, weighed, hitting the inside of your chest with so much force that you did not recognize if you were being beaten or you only had a broken heart. Your breathing quickened, it seemed to be following the pace of your heart. The same one that was aching and felt heavier than usual. It pounded with force against your chest that you weren’t sure if it was due to the running or because it shattered to pieces.

Little tiny pieces.

He does not love you.

“Y/N-san, congratulations”

Akaashi didn't know that your eyes could look so sad. He had never seen you cry, yes, he had seen you discouraged a few times, the way they looked so dull and broken, he could not ignore it. He couldn't ignore how sad you looked, worse when he knew why.

But he does.

“Akaashi -kun” you gave him a small cordial smile, his eyebrows furrowed slightly when you closed your eyes, small tears ran down your face "Thank you very much"

Akaashi's arms were not as huge as Bokuto's. They were not so muscular, so shocking, so strong. They did not look alike. They could not be compared.

But the hug he gave you, the hug that shook your whole body the moment you burst into tears in front of him reminded you of the hugs the gray-haired boy with black gave you whenever they won a game. It was a hug full of emotions, not joy or sorrow, emotions intertwined with feelings that could not be expressed in words.

As you broke into Akaashi's chest, you realized he didn't have a second button either.

“I know it shouldn't be me, but I'll give it to you, I want to give it to you, Y/N-san” he said softly, handing you the button while looking you in the eye “Please, accept it”

The second button is the one that is closest to the heart. It is the one that can feel the most as the muscular organ inside your chest flutters and calms down when you are close to the person you love.

The second button is your heart.

And that day, yours got broken, just to receive another one.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

c h e s s e c u l t: @akaashichigo @drainedjaz @haikkeiji @annalyn-annalyn @mlkytobio @sosugasweet @cali-writes-sometimes @simping4ratsumu @shishinoya @ushiwakaa @from-left-to-write @akaashit-baeji @kxgeyamasmilk @agaassi @hanibuni @cupofkenma @kawanisshi @milkandc00kiez @thiccbokuto @shinsukestan @sufiawrites @wakaitoshi @skyguy-peach @fern-writes-ig @briswriting @airybby @kawaiikraykray @miyuswriting @raevaioli @ouikarwa (wifey ily sm pls marry me again <3) @hakueishirei @hanibuni

also please check out their work, they r legit so fucking good and every single one needs more recognition. Please<3

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hey-hamlet · 4 years

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BNHA AU Ideas: Grand Design

Also on AO3!

TL;DR:

If you asked the Heroics Commission why they created Izuku, you'd get an answer pretty close to the truth. The rising power of quirks was making them nervous, and All Might won't live forever.

What they aren't mentioning is the fact that they don't like All Might either.

He's kind and good and dedicated to people over the country. The man will break countless laws to save a single life and has defied the heroics commission on many occasions - something they can't punish him for in any way without being slammed by the media.

So, they come up with a plan.

if you asked the heroics commission why they created Izuku, you'd get an answer pretty close to the truth

the rising power of quirks was making them nervous, and all might won't live forever. 'there might be another quirk as powerful as all mights just around the corner for the heroes' you might say. 'we're just taking away the 'might'' they'd reply

but what they aren't mentioning is the fact that they don't like All Might either.

he's kind and good and dedicated to people over country. the man will break countless laws to save a single life and has defied the heroics commission on many occasions - something they can't punish him for in any way without being slammed by the media

so, they come up with a plan

"if we can't control all might, we make the next all might ourselves"

sure, the doctor who does the work for them is a little shady, but it can't be helped. quirk genetic experiments were recently made illegal in a case spearheaded by nezu himself. nezu doesn't exactly agree with a total ban and is encouraging regulation in place of a blanket stop, but its been years and the laws are going nowhere fast

maybe the man has some shady connections to some shady people all too eager to replace all might? oh well, it can be managed

a pregnant woman called Inko Midoriya shows up at a hospital, dead on arrival, with the baby inside her still clinging to life?

well.

thats just convenient, isn't it?

they extract the child, pronounce the mother dead and whisk the child away into 'foster care', or the arms of the good doctor

when he's revealed to be quirkless? at first the commission is dubious but the doctor assures them this is perfect. he doesn't have to base the quirk off anything, it can be built from the ground up, as exactly the quirk the commission wants

izuku is born 3 months premature to a dead mother and one month later has a strong enough combination of quirks to take down all might when he grows up.

there is a bit of a catch, though. due to the whole 3 months early and dead mother thing, his constitution isn't the greatest, leaving him pretty sickly. the doctor assures him he'll be much better when he grows up (he’s lying). still - it’s a long while until their creation will be an adult. they could let him grow up normally in a nice house, only to pounce on him when he's grown a little stronger

but a chance of letting their perfect child slip away? nope. they resolve to train him as soon as he can crawl.

A few variations of this AU bc I had loads of quirk ideas before I settled on one - Knock Off For All: Izuku has a quirk as similar to OFA as was possible to create without being able to stockpile, complete with the achy breaky bones (no extra quirks) - Power Set: Izuku has a set of the most useful quirks the doctor could think of, ala USJ nomu (Shock nullification, Regeneration, Super Strength, etc) - Midorigiri: Izuku has a powerful combination quirk like a certain cloud mist dude. Probably either a shock absorption + redirection quirk / all 4 elemental types / guardian angel: wings, flight, hard light construct, healing - All for Naught: Izuku has a knock off of All for One that lets him perma copy 5 quirks at a time

So, Guardian Angel is the quirk I’m going with, mostly for the Hawks parallels. They end up basically being raised with each other, hawks jokingly calling Izuku his little brother. He almost cries when Izuku asks what that is.

Izuku’s quirk allows him to fly with a set of wings (he has hollow bones to facilitate this), can create hard light constructs; the more complicated the shape the harder it is and was originally classified as a forcefield quirk before Izuku got creative with it, and gives him the ability to heal.

All abilities excluding flight are based on the amount of ambient light. The brighter it is, the stronger his constructs and the better he can heal. His blood glows. Make of that what you will.

The problem being that while his quirk/s are strong, Izuku himself is very weak. He has chronic anaemia, difficulty putting on weight, a heart murmur, weak lungs, etc. the HA don’t care at all and make him train until he can’t walk.

From birth till 7 Izuku has no contact with people outside the facility, whereupon he is promptly dumped into a public school for 5 days a week. The education he gets there isn’t important, he’ll learn what he needs at the facility. What they do deem as important is A, creating a paper trail for the kid and B, socializing him somewhat.

People flock to him for his quirk, cementing what they always told him. “All of your worth is in your quirk. You have an obligation to save others.”

Plus, they’ve told him he wasn’t born like everyone else, he was created. Different, artificial, inhuman, those where all words used to describe him at the facility. He finds it difficult to make friends.

He forms a strange almost friendship with Bakugo as the only other kid with a super powerful quirk in the school, even if it’s more of a support quirk than anything else. Izuku silently heals Bakugo when he gets into fights, Bakugo snarls at anyone who makes Izuku too uncomfortable. It’s odd, but it works.

Izuku’s personality is similar to canon in the fact he's the same person but it’s a little jumbled.

He’s even less trusting of adults than canon which is saying something, but he doesn’t have canons blatant disregard for authority. If he breaks a rule he makes sure he doesn’t get caught because the punishments he’s had before left scars.

His anger runs a little closer to the surface but he feels like a bad person for feeling any emotion that isn’t positive so he crushes it down under forced optimism. Izuku shows his anger rarely and when he does, it’s quiet and vicious.

If an authority figure tells him to do something, he does it. It takes a while for Aizawa to break the kid’s conditioned need to respond automatically to any request from a ‘Handler’. Aizawa is very afraid of where it came from, but Nezu can’t find anything about this kid other than the record of his birth and his school enrolments.

Izuku thinks he’s less valuable than others which is pretty canon, at least at the start, but here it’s because he’s ‘not as good/natural/ something’ as a ‘normal’ human. Most of the UA teacher see it, but they have no idea why he thinks he’s lesser so their mixed attempts at questioning/comfort fall pretty flat. Izuku is convinced they would abandon him if they knew.

So, Izuku has a complicated relationship with the concept of All Might.

To start off with, even with everything that happened, Izuku adores heroes right down to his very core. Hawks counts the HA lucky that they didn’t accidentally turn Izuku into a villain. Izuku’s favourite hero is All Might, but -

For a start, he was told he was made to be better than All Might. The part of the HA that created him isn’t fond of the no. 1 as someone they can’t at all control, Izuku has basically been taught that All Might is lying to the world with the way he presents himself and that he’s secretly a terrible person and would hate him for both being artificial and for being made to be better than him

Ergo, Izuku is shit scared of him.

Izuku wants to go to UA because Katsuki is going to UA and Katsuki is the only person other than Hawks he’s ever had a somewhat close relationship with. The HA thinks: eh, fuck it, it’ll be a nice fuck you to All Might anyway.

Then All Might is announced as a teacher after Izuku has been accepted and all hell breaks loose.

A brief set of things that happen:

Dadmight and Dadzawa to the extreme, all of 1A basically adopts Izuku instantly (after they get over the fear of his crazy quirk lmao). All Might and Eraserhead are Izuku’s favourite heroes, other than Hawks, so he's both terrified and in awe of them at all times. He finds himself both loving the familial affection he was denied as a child and being terrified they’d think he was a monster when they learnt he was made to overtake All Might, and isn’t a ‘real person’.

Izuku gets OFA, eventually. It ends up improving his physical health which is neat, along with its extra quirks and strengthening of his own.

Todoroki hates Izuku a little from the beginning, although he’d never admit it. Izuku’s quirk is incredibly powerful and he didn’t have to undergo Todoroki’s childhood torment (Which is Incorrect, but he doesn’t exactly know that, does he) When Todoroki finds out (sports festival, Izuku has a pretty emotional response to his little angst time and lets a few things slip) he becomes fiercely protective of him.

Izuku and Bakugo develop an actual friendship and it’s an adventure

Izuku gets kidnapped along with Bakugo at the training camp, during which the doctor, AFO or Shigiraki reveal he was created to beat All Might, just like the Nomu. Izuku wants to run away out of fear/shame, but Bakugo drags him along with the rescue attempt. Izuku, too scared to go back to the HA or UA, wants nothing more than to vanish off the face of the earth. When Aizawa and All Might visit him and Bakugo at the hospital, Izuku breaks down crying and cowers in fear, convinced his teachers are either going to hurt or kill him. Everyone involved is horrified. They try to calm him down but just seeing them is scaring the shit out of Izuku so they end up getting chased out by Bakugo who clumsily comforts him.

#grand design au #bnha au #bnha #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #All Might #yagi toshinori #izuku #midoriya #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #todoroki shouto

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yelena-bellova · 5 years

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We’re Not Afraid of You - Avengers/Reader Imagine

Summary: You’re a new member of the Avengers, but they can��t figure out why you seem to be keeping everyone at arm’s length. All is revealed when you accompany them on your first mission…

Requested by anon: Can I request platonic AvengersxReader f imagine where the reader is new to the avengers but is super closed off around them in the compound but when they go on a mission for the first time she is a super badass hero & shocks everyone with her powers.once they go back to the compound she goes back to closed off which has the avengers trying to see why she’s like that & turns out that she’s scared of herself & bc she doesn’t want to hurt anyone .

Warnings: One curse word, a little violence…

Word Count: 2,584

Note: The reader’s powers are kind of a combination between Wanda’s and Jean Grey’s. I tried to give every Avenger some dialogue but clearly failed with Vision because he has zero lines haha Hope you enjoy! :)

The Avengers were gathered in the main living room of the compound for their monthly team bonding night. This month Tony had decided was a movie night and there was currently a heated debate happening over which one they’d watch. “Cap, you are not making us sit through another black and white 1940’s snooze-fest.” Tony argued, holding up Steve’s suggested title. “Well, we’re definitely not watching whatever it was you suggested.” Natasha chimed in, she and Clint were sitting on the floor, her legs draped over his lap. “What’s wrong with the one I picked?” Sam called out from the kitchen, helping Wanda and Vision carry the massive amount of food to the coffee table. They laid out brownies, bowls of popcorn, bags of candy and a box of pop-tarts reserved especially for Thor. “Because the last time we watched the one you suggest, Sam, everyone was passed out cold within the first hour.” Tony retorted. “Well excuse me for enjoying the occasional rom-com.” Sam quipped, grabbing a handful of popcorn and flopping on the couch next to Steve.

“Alright, alright…Bruce and Tony had the best suggestions, let’s just take a vote.” Steve spoke up. “All in favor of Tony’s, raise your hand.” Thor, Rhodey, Sam, and Vision raised their hands. “All in favor of Bruce’s, raise your hand.” Steve called. Him, Natasha, Clint, and Wanda raised their hands. “Fat load that did…” Tony chuckled.

Throughout all this, you had been hiding in your room, as usual. You were their newest recruit, only having been on the team for a month, and you hadn’t adjusted yet to your new life. You had been on the run almost your entire life until S.H.I.E.L.D. picked you up after having seen your powers and recruited you to be an Avenger. You had hesitated greatly, you had always operated on your own so becoming part of a team gave you major anxiety. Because of how much paperwork and training it took to be cleared to work with the Avengers, you hadn’t even been on a mission with them yet. You got along with your new teammates, but you didn’t want to get too close to them. The spacious bedroom that you got to call yours was where you spent most of your time. Unfortunately, the mini fridge you had bought had run dry of food, so you were forced to venture out into the kitchen to restock it. You tried to tiptoe in unnoticed, but that was impossible to do around a group of superheroes. They all immediately turned when they heard you come in, directing all the attention you didn’t want onto you. “y/n! You get to be the deciding vote…” Tony exclaimed.

You froze, not wanting to get drawn into whatever was going on but knowing Tony wasn’t going to let you go. “My Oscar winner or Bruce’s coming of age indie nonsense? And don’t allow yourself to be swayed, but you’re looking particularly beautiful today.”

Groans erupted from the team at Tony’s shameless attempt at trying to get you to side with him, but their eyes still rested on you. You stuttered a little, anxiety starting to run through your head, this is exactly what you didn’t want… “I-I don’t really have an opinion either way. I’m not feeling too good so I’m just gonna stay in tonight.” you lied through your teeth. You turned quietly and walked towards the fridge, grabbing some food you had stashed in the back. You could feel the team still staring at you, knowing they could feel your hostility towards them, you knew you had to throw them a bone... “But I hear the one Bruce suggested is really good.” you mumbled towards them.

Cheers and groans mingled in the air as Tony reluctantly slid the DVD into the player, by the time they turned around to thank you for your help, you had already made a run back to your room. “Is it just me or does she not like us all that much?” Bruce asked the room.

“I thought it was just me, I didn’t realize we were so objectionable.” Rhodey said. “Give her a break, guys. This is the first time she’s ever been a part of the team. She needs time to adjust.” Steve explained, he understood the feeling of being out of place better than anyone. “And we shouldn’t push her. She’ll come around in her own time…” Natasha added, knowing exactly what it felt like to be on your own and then thrust into a team environment. Her heart went out for you and she wished she could help you in some way.

The team collectively shrugged their shoulders and continued on with their night, but leaving an empty seat on the couch just in case you decided to join them. You had chosen instead to spend your night on the rooftop, your favorite spot in the compound second to your room. You gazed out at the dark landscaping, looking off into the distance to the see the lights of the New York City skyline. You sat back in your chair, doing your best to try and relax. You prayed that the team had moved on with their night and weren’t still thinking about you…

ONE WEEK LATER

“Romanoff, y/l/n, where are you?” Steve whispered into his communicator. “3rd level, looks empty but we’re gonna check it out just in case.” Natasha replied, you walked alongside her carefully down the abandoned hall. This was your first mission with the team and saying you were nervous was an understatement. It was simple enough; checking out an abandoned Hydra base to make sure that all the rats had gone down with the ship and see if there were any files left over to retrieve. The whole team had come just in case the report you’d gotten had been terribly wrong. So far there had been nothing, but you got a sinking feeling in your stomach that you and Natasha weren’t alone.

“Sure you don’t want a gun?” she asked as she continued walking down the hall, her weapon drawn. You forgot that no one on the team had seen you use your powers, so when you declined to take any weapons with you, their confusion was justified. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Trust me.” you whispered. “Wait, I’ve got something. Heat signature headed towards the building!” Tony called over the comms.

“GET OUT OF THERE!”

Natasha and you started running towards a nearby window and leaped out of it just in time sending shards of glass everywhere. Something had hit the building and caused a huge explosion right where you had been standing. You both fell through the air, expecting to hit the ground harshly, but Sam sprang into action and caught you both. He set you both on the ground quickly and you turned to see a swarm of unexpected Hydra agents charging towards you. Hulk roared and began taking them out one by one, Steve’s shield and Clint’s arrows started to fly, and Tony, Rhodey and Vision started firing at their enemies from the air. You began throwing punches, hoping that you weren’t going to have to use your powers on anybody. But unfortunately, these thugs played dirty and they weren’t going to go easy on any of you. You heard Natasha let out a loud grunt from nearby, she was pinned underneath a burley Hydra agent with no possible escape. He drew his knife, ready to strike her, there was no time to deliberate on the decision…

You threw your hands out towards the man, letting the blue energy waves flow from your fingers as you threw him into a tree, knocking him unconscious. You began doing the same as more agents charged towards you, your eyes began to glow as your power was now fully unleashed. You had been holding back for so long, you forgot what it felt like to let yourself go and let your powers flow freely…You levitated off the ground and flew through the air towards Steve, who had been knocked down by another agent and began sending blasts of your energy towards him. He was now laying on the ground but was now aiming his fun towards you. He took his shot you deflected the bullet away from you, you then sent him the man flying into the flames of the explosion. You quickly helped Steve to his feet, he looked at you with shock and wonder on his face. “Yeah, yeah, thank me later.” you joked.

“y/n, look out!” Thor yelled, you whipped around to see every agent charging towards you and Steve. He was ready to throw his shield at them, but before he could, you had already launched yourself into the air. Moving your hands together, you built up an orb of your blue energy and sent it forward towards the ground. It looked like an aggressive ocean wave as it knocked down every Hydra agent to the ground in your path, a loud collective groan coming from all of them. You quickly surveyed the area from above, not a single one of Hydras agents had survived the attack. You let out a sigh of relief and lowered yourself to the ground, only to be met by the shocked faces of your teammates.

Shit.

You had forgotten for a moment that they’d never seen you use your powers. You quickly walked away from them, heading towards the Quinjet. Scurrying inside, you headed towards a dark corner and fell to the ground, trying not to cry. Slowly, one by one, the rest of the team joined you on the jet but gave you the space you clearly desired. You stayed silent during the ride back the compound and once you landed, you were the first one off of the jet. You made a beeline to your room, locking the door and sliding against it to the ground. You let your tears fall freely now that you were alone...The reason why you had kept your distance from the team was because of your powers. You knew you were a mutant, you knew you were dangerous and you didn’t want the team to be on the receiving end of your abilities. You were absolutely terrified of what you were and what you could do. You didn’t even have full control over your powers yet, so you weren’t going to take any chances on endangering them. Deep in your thoughts, you were jolted out of them by the knock at your door. “y/n?” a female voice called. It was Wanda. You didn’t want to see anybody at the moment, but out of everybody on the team, you felt the least afraid to be around Wanda. You wiped your eyes and stood up, unlocking the door for her to walk through. She gave you a sympathetic smile and walked towards your bed to sit down, you followed and sat down next to her. She placed her hand on yours carefully as not to frighten you. “I get it, I really do.” she whispered. You began to quietly weep, you knew that she understood exactly what you were feeling. You two seemed to share the same abilities and you had wished so many times you could push past your fear so you could talk to her about it. “I’m so scared.” you cried, turning to look at Wanda. Her expression was nothing but sympathetic as she tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “What if I hurt somebody? I-I don’t know that I can control it fully and if one of you got hurt because of me, I’d never forgive myself.” you continued.

She twisted herself to face you and placed your hand against her forehead. “I want you to look into my mind and tell me the amount of fear you see.” she said. You began to stammer, she gave you a knowing look, “I didn’t have to look in yours to know you can look into ours…”

You bit your lip, closed your eyes and began to let the blue energy fall from your fingers. You scanned Wanda’s brain and found no trace of fear, only sympathy, and admiration. You opened your eyes and pulled your hand back, letting out a single breathless laugh. She smiled at you, placing a hand on your shoulder, “We’re not afraid of you.” she stated. “I mean, I’m definitely gonna make sure I never piss you off…” Tony quipped.

You whipped your head around, seeing the whole team had gathered outside your door while you were in Wanda’s mind. You wiped your tears and stood up quickly, not knowing how to start explaining yourself. Bruce was the first one to take a step towards you, “Look in mine.” he invited. You gave a hesitating glance to Wanda, but she nodded encouragingly. You turned back to Bruce and looked for any ounce of animosity he may have towards you, but there was nothing. One by one, the team stepped forward and you read each of their minds.

Not a single one of them feared you or your powers.

“We wouldn’t have asked you to be a part of the team if we didn’t want you here, y/n. You don’t need to be afraid of hurting us if we’re not afraid of you.” Steve stated, putting a hand on your shoulder. “I can help you learn to control your powers fully, you already seem to be pretty good at it.” Wanda said, stepping towards you. You gave them your first genuine smile in a long time. Words couldn’t describe how relieved you were in the moment that for once, you weren’t viewed as the threat you thought you were. “Thank you…” you managed to get out through your tears. Natasha came forward and hugged you, the next words she said would stay with you forever… “You’re a part of this family, y/n.” Within the next few weeks, you became fully immersed in the team. Wanda and you had regular sessions together where she taught you how to fully master your powers. On missions, you two became a dynamic duo, combining your energy to create catastrophic results for your enemies. She also quickly become your best friend. Steve and you had bonded over your shared love for old jazz music, spending lots of afternoons with him listening to his record collection from the ’40s. Tony and you spent time designing a new suit for you after he deemed your current one “not badass enough” and you two quickly developed a father-daughter bond. You developed a unique connection with every member of the team and you cherished each one. By the next team bonding night, you were no longer hiding in your room, you were instead sandwiched between Wanda and Clint on the couch. Steve stood in front of the tv holding up two discs, “Alright let’s take a vote. All in favor of Clint’s suggestion, raise your hand.” Steve directed, throwing his own hand up and half the room followed. “All in favor of Thor’s suggestion, raise your hand.” The other half of the room raised theirs. You would be the deciding vote once again. “Alright, looks like we need a tiebreaker…” Steve said, looking towards you with a small smile on his lips.

You debated between the choices, neither one of them were particularly exciting to you, but the decision still rested on you. You smirked, flicked your fingers forward and levitated Thor’s disc out of Steve’s hand and into the DVD player. Laughter rang out in the room, Clint gave you a playful shove against Wanda, “The was simultaneously hurtful and super cool.” he quipped.

You laughed and stole the bowl of popcorn in his lap for yourself. Never once had you imagined you’d actually get to a place where you could use your powers freely and the reaction would be joy, not fear. As you scanned the room looking at each one of your teammates, you couldn’t help but let a joyful tear trail down your face. There would never be enough words to describe how thankful you were to be a part of the Avengers.

They were your family, forever and always.

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ofphcenixes · 5 years

Text

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room. i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao. we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.

#( blue ; converse ! )#( blue & libby ! )#WE LOVE CRYING

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sevngmin · 6 years

Text

family doctor!seungmin

a/n: it was hard to find pictures of clinics;-; so i tried to go according to colour scheme! this fic is also dedicated to the 2 seungmin stans, annie and jupiter,, i hope yall like it^^// request

seungmin... graduated at the top of his class for family medicine

cute looks+good grades?? destined to do well fam

eventually he became a doctor in seoul national univ. hospital, one of the top hospitals in seoul

his niche wasnt really paediatrics but he enjoyed the company of children that the ceo gave him the offer in the department

seungmin declined, choosing to stay in family medicine

however patients who are fairly young are always numbered to his room so its all good

sometimes he’s on ER(emergency room) duty and 80% of female patients develop an instant crush on him

its funny cause when he measures their heart rate it spikes abnormally high and he gets flustered, “why is your heart rate so high?”

and doesnt notice the growing blush in their cheeks

anyhow, that was on rare occasions when he needs to cover duties for his colleague and close friend, jeongin

seungmin always wears this white coat with pororo stickers decorated on his name tag

coat pockets filled with candy and stickers to reward the children for behaving well

really hates to administer injections as he really doesnt want to hurt the children

but for the sake of their health he had to

and shower them with loads of candies and stickers after that

sometimes he’s also a FPC(first patient clinic) doctor

fpc: a doctor assigned to a particular patient with complicated problems, to avoid confusion, these patients go to the same doctor consequently for their diagnosis and reports

and when he sees familiar faces his eyes light up 10 times more, eyes crinkling into crescents

he’s just so friendly, children dont even hate going to the doctor’s because of him

while checking their lungs seungmin would squat down to their eye-level to talk to them, to distract them

children willingly open their mouths to let him check their tonsils too

children rarely cry during his consulations, because seungmin is that good with children

and they go out happy

which makes you wonder what kind of spell seungmin casts on the kids to make them happy

you, a permanent in the ER, deal with all sorts of people everyday

frantically rushing in every minute, life and death right at its doorstep

sometimes you see seungmin in the ER for cover duty, and he was definitely a sight for sore eyes

but you never approached him, not wanting him to see you in messy hair and makeup almost all gone

you always see him cooped up in his room during lunch break, and you also didnt have the courage to ask him out for lunch, since the both of you werent close either

in reality, seungmin always cooks his own lunch and saves them in a bento to eat during lunch break

its much more economical and healthy, the only times he eats from outside are company gatherings or jeongin forcing him to come along which he would immediately agree imo

seungmin’s cooking is actually one of the best out of all of the doctors, since he lives alone and living on ramen wasnt exactly the healthiest

which lowkey explains why he’s so damn smart, both booksmart and streetsmart

strangely, he hasnt have much experiences with girls

all of his knowledge are from romcom kdramas btw

but he does know how to be a gentleman around girls,, a huge plus point

aNYWHO the gods decided to shine on you and seungmin was in ER duty for this whole month

because jeongin was down with pneumonia, and was unfit for duty

definitely not missing out naggings from seungmin saying he should stop eating churros

you knew jeongin fairly well, as your same-shift colleague in the ER with a very cute friend

and when he was down with pneumonia you didnt know whether to thank him or kill him

because, seungmin would take over jeongin, which meant he would be on the same shift as you

you got to see him, but also you didnt want him to see you

what will he think of you? will he hate you? many questions filled your mind

all of them were forgotten the moment seungmin approached you to say hi

“hi, im seungmin! im from the family doctors’ side, but im here to cover jeongin for the month. and ive seen you around, but i didnt really catch your name.”

“i-i’m y/n! im a permanent here. jeongin’s friend too.” you stuttered, which made seungmin giggle

you stared at him weirdly, which made him clear his throat, “im sorry i mustve offended you.”

“no... its fine. i understand that ER duty isnt the best and we’re on night duty too.”

seungmin looked slightly offended at your rebuttal, but still regained his composure

usually, there werent many patients at night but there was this one little boy who couldnt stop crying because of a high fever

you were flustered, as jeongin was the one who always tended to younger patients

just then, a knight in white armour(quite literally) came rushing by your side to placate the crying child

the child stopped crying as soon and seungmin tended to him, and the whole consultation was just a breeze

the poor child had suffered from chicken pox, and he had to be isolated in a different room in the hospital

both you and seungmin were sad, the child would be both lonely and in pain(?)

since the child brought down the mood for the both of you, you decided to get 2 cups of hot cocoa to cheer him and yourself up

“don’t worry. the child will get better.” you patted his arm(which was your boldest move of the day), handing him the hot cocoa

he looked at you with puppy eyes, the brightening up slightly, “i hope he will.”

“he will, with your expertise, im sure he will soon.” you comforted, unaware that seungmin’s heart was beating wildly at your comment.

seungmin was practically skipping back home when his shift ended

now night shifts wasnt as suckish anymore with you around seungmin

the both of you would always joke around with each other, you “accidentally” squirting saline solution onto seungmin and he’d be like

“hEy y/n this would be a good time to express my affection for you!!”

you’d be like nell ho bc 1. you didnt want to get soaked and 2. too close for your heart to function properly

mostly 2.

but the both of you stop your playful banter until chan came along to tell the both of you off to “stop acting like a love-struck couple”

even after his duty in the ER, seungmin would approach you for lunch break, to jeongin’s surprise

hes like, “hyung, you never ever ask me to go for lunch”

“im sick of my food anyway”

“sStop LyING i know you like y/n”

“i suddenly love jjangmyeon lets order some and share with her”

sometimes seungmin would cook you a bento too, knowing youre too busy

aww

tbh you were starting to catch on a lil but you didnt want to give yourself false hope

until one day jeongin steps in to play cupid

sOoooo jeongin tells you that seungmin needs help with some wound dressing thingy

which you nearly wanted to question him but went with it anyway

and when youre in seungmin’s room there was no patient, only seungmin attentively typing away on his desktop

and he was wearing black-rimmed round glasses with slightly curled hair

a whole boyfriend look ngl

but you shook that off, asking seungmin if he needed help with anything

seungmin tilted his head in confusion, “no..?”

just then, the lock of the door went click, signalling that it was locked

“jeongin.” the both of you sighed in unison, shaking your heads

you were unsure of what to do, so you just released your ponytail and sat on the examination bed

“rough day?” seungmin speaks up, gulping slightly

“yeah, there were so many patients today.” you sighed, “even the nurses werent enough to help.”

“stop talking and confess already!” you hear jeongin’s voice at the other side of the door, as the both of you widened your eyes

“confess... what?” seungmin laughed awkwardly

“yeah... what?” you smiled awkwardly, avoiding seungmin’s eyes

seungmin decided that he needed to man up and say something about it, so he just got up from his seat and brisk-walked towards you

and he cups your face ever so gently and says,

“can i kiss you?”

you were flustered, and nodded meekly

and yes that was you and seungmin’s first kiss and love

young love

when will i ever

anyhow!! seungmin would always pick you up from home to the hospital and vice versa

sometimes he stays over at your place,, your mom doesnt mind

because!whatta sweet man bringing my daughter home!!so that she saves on train fares

seungmin shocks you everytime you find out something new about him

just like at a company gathering, all of the doctors gathered at a karaoke and seungmin went up first with a day6 song

and his vocals?? sWOON

and next he sang stitches and had hes eyes on you all the time

but heres the thing... the both of you cant let the entire hospital find out about your relationship if you wanna live in peace

so the both of you are like business terms until you step out of the hospital lol

would make you food! Everyday!

and also eat with you during lunch

wouldnt mind ER duties bc ur there

highkey wants to send a complaint to make you work at paediatrics so yall can see each other more often

backhugs! are! a! thing!

be it seungmin hugging you or you hugging him... the both of you live for hugs

likes to link pinkies

star watching at the rooftop... peaceful

with hot chocolate in hands too

there was once you got really sick and had to stay home

seungmin was dead worried he even took days off to take care of you

doctor kim doesnt only take care of kids

his masters aint for nothing

people started to wonder why the both of you were off work at the same time lol but they just shrugged it off

except jeongin

jeongin wants the both of you to get married

and the both of you do

BONUS:

the whole hospital didnt know of your relationship until you started to send out wedding invitations

“youre getting married to dr kim?? seungmin?? from our hospital??” was prolly the most asked question after “congrats! when are yall having kids??”

you were lucky it was a secret till you marriage lol

fast forward to when you gIve birth wOOSH

isnt this bonus too much of one

seungmin didnt want to faint so he was just by your side helping you keep c a l m

you had much more strength than he thought you would so he smiled:)thru:)the:)pain:)

you were in more pain so he understood that

you gave birth to a lil bby girl aww

your husband couldnt be more happy

finally someone made use of his medical knowledge to take care of his daughter

subconciously mumbles medical terms to his daughter in attempts to make her fall asleep

“seungmin... if you continue doing this... our daughter will graduate med school at 5.”

it does work better than classical music tho ngl

your daughter indeed took after her dad.. learning how to walk at 8 months and talk at 10 months

you would sometimes bring her to work and people always tell you that shes a carbon copy of seungmin

big eyes, milky white skin... yeah

has a pic of the three of you on his desk its just so endearing

“is that your child?”

“yes its my daughter and beautiful wife!!!”

and you actually brought your daughter into seungmin’s clinic... he turned into a puddle of goo

such a fool for his daughter smh

and a fool for you too

#stray kids scenarios #kim seungmin #seungmin #seungmin scenarios

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anathemanonymous · 3 years

Text

Spilling it in the first person: truths I need to accept

Well, it's not going well. I feel like I am not moving forward,but backward. I held myself back by trying to do the right thing.

I gave you the whole house in trade for my freedom. There was no end date on the agreement. It simply stated you would get the property and all the responsibility of the associated bills. It also stated you would agree to hold me harmless.

Well, that didnt happen.

I'm still stuck 4 years after leaving. The attorney told me not to pay off the foreclosure but I did. Twice. I stopped the process of filing contempt in August. She was livid. She offered me the option to have you removed from the house and I could keep it. Well, I had just signed the apt lease. A one year contract. How was I supposed to afford two house payments? I didn't want that responsibility. I left the house to prove I wasnt married to this man for the money. He refused to leave. So I did.

Both our names remain on the title. Bank cant take me off. You refuse to sell. You cannot afford to refinance.

What are you trying to do here?

As I am being held in place by obligation you insist upon complaining about how it is my fault that you are suffering. How you are refusing to cooperate. Refuse to work or pay bills. Refuse to accept that I left. Refuse to reach out or grow in healthy ways. Refuse to stop drinking or doing drugs. Refuse to try to improve our shitty relationship. Refuse to reach out to your own child. Refuse to sell the house. Refuse to clean it. Trick me into calling off the attorney at the last foreclosure: you say you will pay me back the $5500 and we can fix up the house. I tell you how uneasy I feel about this deal. You tell me to trust you.

I clean and clean on my days off work and you sit and ridicule and drink. You tell me it's no rush. You literally have no money to fix it up. I have gone round and around with Fred at the agency to get him to agree to put the house on the market and how we need to sell to a qualified buyer. How to ensure no consequences from this home being doomed. How to do the right thing. How to honor the promises to the agency and to the bank. Its ridiculous how often I've triaged with your mother. How many phone calls and notes kept on the research of creating a plan to salvage the property and you.

And you. I have given you money. I have paid your debts. I have taken you to the doctor. I set you up for evaluation of ADHD. You cry about your health. You cant get off the couch. You cry about being broke, depressed with no reason to live. When I speak to you, you continue to put me down, to accuse me of never caring. You accuse me of malicious crimes against you for the past 16 years. You claim I just used you. My entire life was built around supporting you. You accuse me of going against you deliberately. You blame for your behaviors of rude comments and refusals to cooperate or participate in anything related to parenting or household chores or budgeting or my feelings. I was threatened by your recklessness. I was doomed to being overly responsible but got nothing but contempt in return.

There wasn't peace. There wasnt love. No support. Constant arguments and blow ups. Constant strife. Constant pain. Carrying your weight twice my size. Trying to rape me. Trying to negate me. Trying to minimize me. Criticizing every fucking thing I did or said or believed. Faking it in front of your friends and parents. Giving nothing but expecting me to provide for your every need on a whim. Needing help with your business books, spending hours only to be discredited and rejected. You put your shit first. You blocked my path with your messiness. You left it all up to me but gave me no credit, no control and no power. Then accuse me of doing the same to you. You ridiculed my hobbies, my goals, my dreams. You chose your friends over me. You drank to the point of black out every day. You stopped working. Your buisness partner abandoned you even after he stole from the business account, you kept him around. You kept giving him your share of our household bills instead of pay our bills. So I paid. You stole my tax returns for years. You were rude and inconsiderate toward how any of your shitty choices affected me and our family. You have withheld love and given only pain. You ignored my feelings and needs. And now you complain and claim to suffer worse than me?

What about me??

To top it off: after moving out and returning on a regular basis to check in with you even as you deliberately were harming me financially and emotionally...I get hate when I remove the loaded guns in the house bc you're suicidal from all the drugs and no sleep and not eating and not working and I worry and I feel sorry and I want to keep things normal so I see the mess and try not to do the cleaning, the yardwork.

I play with the dogs and feed them and you always leave when I arrive ...or start an argument until you chase me away.

After 4 years of being ridiculed and blamed....instead of being heard and validated.

I have to actually accept that you are openly and intentionally holding me hostage financially and emotionally. You admit it on text. Your mother claims you were just drinking and you didnt mean it. What will it take to justify my actions?

Its been 4 years of waiting on pins and needles. Of not breathing. Or being stuck. Not to mention the 7 years before I left the house. Trying to fix things.

Looking back, I've never received emotional support from you. Other than to stay away from my family.

I have a hard time accepting the fact that you didn't improve yourself when I left. You got worse. You stopped trying long before I left. And I hoped you would recognize how awful you'd become. I was risking a chance that you would change into a responsible adult. Learn to care for me in real ways. Appreciate me, quite frankly. I was looking for appreciation. Recognition. Acceptance. Acknowledgement. The elements of love.

I left because there was no love.

It was the right thing to do.

Unhealthy relationships are meant to fall apart.

Blame me or blame you. It doesn't matter. It takes two to have a relationship. It becomes one sided.

Wait. It was always one sided. I wanted to believe it was a mutual relationship. I dreamed it. I created the illusion of it. But it could not be felt. Bc it was a mirage. It only looked like something real. It felt empty. Like a shell. Like a home without a foundation. Ready to fall apart like a Hollywood studio prop.

I was lying to myself the whole time.

The only way out now is to tell the truth. To let shit fall apart by not adding to it. To stop putting in.

But it feels wrong to let my house go into foreclosure. It feels wrong to file with a lawyer. It feels so wrong to do nothing to help, on purpose. Yet it is the right way. Right? This world is absolutely ridiculous. Just fucking back breaking and disheartening. People are so viscous. Banks and lawyers. Without hearts. Empty motherfucking shells of humans.

I knew the truth but didn't want to face it. Denial is so powerful. It can change the way you see things. Or exclude what you do not want to see. Or feel.

I wanted to believe love could make my dream come true, become real. Make me real.

All the proof was in your actions. Fighting me every step of the way. Calling me crazy. You're right. It is crazy to live that way. I agree.

So if it's TRUE : then I have to accept the reality that you don't care about me. Either you cant, or you are just unwilling. You say you love me. But what does love mean? It seems you only care that I care for you. How much I can give and prove that I care. Prove by sacrificing my needs, time, money, energy.

Every fiber of my being is going against the fact that the only way out of this situation is divorce and foreclosure of my home. Abandoning you. Why does it feel unethical and immoral? Huge conflict within.

I tried to help you and to salvage my credit, I have spent over $15,000 to bail it out . ..because I'd already put so much into it that I want to keep on the same path. I dont want a different anonymous path. I want to stay where its familiar. But then again, why? I've never been happy on this path. From experience, moving on does not guarantee happiness either.

I'm standing my ground. I'm honoring my values of integrity and refusing to tolerate abuse and nonsense.

But yes it's hard to move on bc I am ever-wanting to keep convincing myself and the world ...proof of how mature and dedicated I am, of my own goodness, my own kindness, my own value.

If my value rests on a successful career in marriage then I have discredited myself. I have failed to be a quality product. Yikes.

..because I hid behind it, and I'd do anything to keep up the facade. I am afraid to be seen as alone, maybe. I am afraid to stand up against the abuse bc it means I have failed. That I am faulty. Not worthy. Maybe I asked for it. Or deserve it.

Shame is a terrible feeling.

By the virtue of which I choose to honor, I thereby become less valuable. I protected your reputation. I kept silent. I protected my own reputation as well. Now I am throwing it out the window. Breaking a promise to myself to never do that again. Yes, I have experienced this all before. Many times. Throughout my lifetime. I had to destroy my own identity.

Because I could pretend I belonged. I could pretend I had a healthy relationship and family. But the sacrifice was too much. And I was so off-balance. I was shut off. Closed down. Depressed. Sick.

You refused to lie for me. So I left. We dont have to keep pretending to play house. Maybe that disappointed me. You want to play cops and robbers. I refused. Lol. Whatever.

And maybe the ultimate cage I try to break free from is being forced to stay small, a repeating pattern from throughout my entire childhood. It is the shame I carry. The unworthy nature of my wounded inner child.

When confronted with opening up I remain skeptical and scared. I beat myself up. I feel rejected, disillusioned, hurt, betrayed, and I am ashamed of showing that I am being harmed. I am am afraid to speak up. When I do, I get shut down by you, your family, my attorney, the court, society.

This triple whammy has knocked me off my feet every time I try to stand up. I feel insulted by the slights of neighbors, the sounds of the outside world. I speak up against emotional manipulation and I feel the feather of rejection like a sledgehammer.

... I am accused of being crazy. I post on social media. I get very little support. The message I'm receiving is: your perception is inaccurate, we all have a human right to happiness and respect but you should be ashamed of exposing yourself like that. It makes you look vulnerable, it tarnishes our code of taboo subjects, think about your reputation, bc we as a society are not comfortable with displays of vulnerability. Call a hotline or something.

You know what? I dont need a fucking hotline. My counselor didnt even recognize me during our last phone session. Fuck this system. I'm on my own. And if I have to become more viscous and bitter to fit in, I prefer to stand alone.

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wannawrite · 7 years

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The B In Baejin Is For Boyfriend Material

• who?: Wanna One's Bae Jinyoung • genre: 🌸 • type: bullet point blog navigator. • pure fluff of what Jinyoung would be like as a boyfriend on campus kdlsjskdjsj I'm honestly really terrible at the boyfriend type of content because I'm not good at speculating or assuming how people actually are in real life. But this was fun to do and I hope it isn't a total flop. Thank you for requesting this anon!! - Admin L

• first of all, regardless of what college you apply to or enrol in, Jinyoung would be super supportive • even if your dream college and his dream college were 200 miles away • luckily, you guys somehow got into the same college • hell yeah • you wouldn't see your boyfriend for awhile because you're too busy packing and getting ready for college • but this is Bae Jinyoung we're talking about • *ring ding dong* • you peel open the door to reveal a smiling Baejin, hands filled with packing materials such as masking tape • "yah ~ aren't you supposed to be getting ready as well? Why are you here?" • "i'm here to help!" • you sigh and raise your eyebrows at him • then again, you aren't actually complaining about it • who wouldn't want to have your boyfriend around • and helping you • Jinyoung's house is closer than yours to the institute so he doesn't have much to bring to his dorm • he can travel that half an hour every weekend • your situation is different • much different • a dozen of your things are packed and ready to be shipped to college with you • which is practical because you can't be travelling 5 hours up and down every day • you need everything in your dorm • literally • including that cute plushie Jinyoung gifted you on your birthday to sleep with • otherwise, you know you won't be able to fall asleep • your roommate is cool with you pretty much occupying the entire dorm since they too live extremely close to the college • you love your roommate already • let's not lie Jinyoung is probably decent at packing and being neat • sure, he's no Minhyin but he makes an effort to try and help • folds your clothing • realises it's his sweater he thought he lost last Winter • Baejin sighs but smiles and tucks it in your luggage anyway • his baby WILL wear his clothes • stops to observe the things you packed and realises you have like 500 boxes of household equipment • "....love, how much stuff do you actually need?" • "LovE hOW muCH STufF dO YOu acTUALLy NeED" you reply • *insert Spongebob meme* • "you will help me carry it to my room, won't you?" • your voice drips with honey, sickeningly sweet and begging • Jinyoung pinches your cheek gently, "ahh, I can't. I'm moving in two days after you, remember?" • "yah! is that your reason for moving in after?" • a cheeky smile spreads on his face but before you can retort something snarky, he presses his soft lips to yours • packing is forgotten • you are sad you're moving in before your boyfriend does • he doesn't forget your move in date • at first, your parents were going to drive you and your things over • surprise • on that day, it was Bae Jinyoung and your parents who showed up in the car to pick you • you nearly melted into tears • he lives far away from you so any unscheduled meet up is rare and always makes you cry • bc he doesn't have to make that 5?? 6?? hour journey to and fro • but he chose to • well duh, it's for you • he's that type of person let him live • your parents were in on it too • the car ride to college is one of the more enjoyable ones you have had in your life • Jinyoung is so charming your parents fell for him immediately • he's talking about baking, politics and gardening all at once to both your parents • it's amusing • and you really wouldn't have it any other way • look at your boyfriend and family getting along so well • he bouta be part of the family soon • wink wonk • your parents love him as much as you do • maybe even more • as soon as the car is parked, your parents venture out to sip tea in one of the on-campus cafes, promising to see you before they leave for the long drive back • your legs are so wobbly you can't even stand up straight anymore • pins and needles are a PAIN • thankfully, you have an amazing boyfriend by the name of Bae Jinyoung to assist you in balancing • both of you make multiple trips back and forth, each time the load of boxes seemingly heavier • djosapdkdl you realise it's going to take the entire day even if you started at 7am • Baejin pulls out his phone. "Hi Jay, clear my schedule for today. I'm really busy right now" • eventually, you do finish up unloading and unpacking every box and bid your family goodbye • you let your lips linger on Jinyoung's for a few more seconds than usual • "it's never a goodbye kiss, Y/N." • of course, you are reunited on his move in day • the favour is returned by you helping to carry like two boxes of things • he only needed three boxes and one bag • wow • don't you love staying nearby • college starts and your life is flung into a flurry • you barely catch a glimpse of Jinyoung throughout the first couple of weeks but you two decide on a schedule • he walks you to your first lecture every odd week • and you buy him coffee after his classes every even week • sometimes, he just calls you out of your dorm to grab a pizza at the restaurant on campus • college isn't like this irl but • picnic dates at the picnic tables outside the cafeteria • cloud watching, enjoying the sun, just conversing and finally! relaxing after all the stress from your studies • Jinyoung takes a ton of pictures to save as his wallpaper • you talk about your troubles and spill everything during those sessions • it becomes somewhat therapeutic • when either of you has a bad day, you call each other as soon as classes end • "babe..." • "hang on babe. grab your coat, we're headed out" • it happens all the time • you grab dinner together and then go for a nice night stroll • such romantic • 110% mood improved • study dates in the library when it's finals season • it's meant to be a date but you guys concentrate so much on your studies and nearly forget each other's presence • the library closes late for night study etc • you're wrapped up in his sweater and poring over your notes, frantically trying to memorise information • whenever you look like you want to tear your hair out, Jinyoung takes your pen from you and scribbles on a post-it before stamping it in your notes • "take care of yourself! i love you. :)" • your binder is covered in those neon stickers and they make your heart melt every time you see them • always reminds you to eat and stay hydrated • buys you 'cheer up!' stationery such as ramen shaped erasers or a pen with a cute design • you never actually use them and you keep them in a special pen holder on your desk • your roommate teases you about it, especially when more stationery is added • when Jin gets frustrated, you always remind him that he is worth it and that he isn't going to screw up • hyping him so his confidence doesn't fall to where it used to be • to Baejin, your smile itself is enough to make his day • it only gets better when you leave handwritten notes and sometimes a small snack in his bag while he wasn't looking • walks in and out of the exam hall exuding confidence • one night, you fell asleep at the library, surrounded by all your books • Baejin can't exactly leave you there yet he doesn't want to wake you up • so he took over the graveyard shift from the student librarian just to keep the library open and operating • so that you could have a good sleep • and so that half the cohort could cram a night before finals • in the morning, you are forced to literally drag him out lest he miss his final • you blush when your friends tell you about his gesture • how extra™ • you shake your head out of embarrassment but your friends find his care adorable • he gets really shy when you confront him about it • "really? was there no better way to solve it? you could have woken me up you know?" • "ahh but if I did, you wouldn't have gotten an A* on your paper? would you?" he teases • hahaahahaha true • since it's after finals, Jinyoung decides to take you off campus on a date • he goes out of his way to obtain a special parking pass for campus parking • idk we have that here so ^ • "jin, wasn't that cafe over there? why are we headed to the carpark?" • you feel a bit overdressed for your usual spot but he told you to dress your best • Jinyoung tightens his grip around your hand and beams with a wink • "we're going off campus tonight, sweetheart" • S W E E T H E A R T • by the way, I should mention that he looks absolutely dashing in his suit and maroon tie • you're practically drooling and thanking God for your amazing boyfriend • he's glad he heeded Guanlin's fashion advice • anyway • you can hardly contain your excitement as it's been awhile since you got a break from the college scenery • when he sees your mouth stretching into a giant smile, Jinyoung can't help but grin too. • he's happy you're elated to the point that it can't be hidden • since he lives in the nearest city which is 30 minutes away, you take time to admire the foreign scenery • wow....I can't believe Jinyoung lives here.... it's so pretty • ....maybe one day that will be your hometown too • MOVING ON • Jinyoung takes you to the finest restaurant he knows • his mum ONLY brought her clients there to eat so he knows it's serious • parks his fancy car right next to the entrance • you're wondering how he can afford it • he's still in college • maybe he's in the mafia? or a stripper? • okay i'm sidetracking again I'm sorry • with your arms linked, Jinyoung walks up to the host and confidently says, "I have a reservation under Mr. Bae Jinyoung, table for two" • A S D F G H J K L • dinner isn't as tense as you figured it would be • there's still laughter, jokes, and small talk about your school life • it feels the same - if you minus the fanciness of the place - as one of your regular dates on campus • no matter what, Bae Jinyoung is your boyfriend. the type of date doesn't change who he is • the walks to class • the on-campus dates • staying up late to cram for finals • helping him with his presentation slides • going to watch a movie at the media centre • visiting his dorms with food in the middle of the day when you found out he had been cooped up in there and refused to eat lunch • thank you Daehwi • you propped your head in your hands, sighing but beaming • one hand reached out to grab Jinyoung's, he didn't complain • your hands intertwined lovingly • "my college days are so much better with you"

#Admin L #wanna one #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #bae jinyoung #yoon jisung #ha sungwoon #hwang minhyun #kang daniel #ong seongwoo #kim jaehwan #park woojin #park jihoon #lee daehwi #lai guanlin

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ghost-town-story · 4 years

Text

... The more I sit here and am allowed to think, the more pissed off and upset I get

Rant blog status reinstated!

So firstly, I’m not happy about getting kicked off campus. But social distancing shit, whatever I guess, whatcha gonna do.

But no. My fucking mother takes the goddamned fucking cake rn.

We got the email about being kicked off around 4 pm eastern time, Monday. My mother. This fucking woman. Calls me and insists I pack my stuff and get off campus by Tuesday morning. Packing is normally at least a few days ordeal, especially since I hate packing and it always stresses me out a bunch. But done in little spurts, okay I guess, more doable.

But noooo I have to get out by Tuesday. Fucking. Morning. And this woman actually has the gall, the fucking gall to halfheartedly suggest I start out Monday evening since I’ve gone nocturnal.

I tried to tell her there’s no fucking way, but she wouldn’t fucking listen. So she hangs up, and I go down the hall bc I desperately need a hug by this point, and she’s a sweetheart but the only roommate available is a gangly skinny girl and not the type of hugs I need. (really, boyfriend would be ideal, but at the time he was in Colorado visiting his sister). And I end up breaking down on huggin friend’s couch bc I hate packing, and I don’t feel like I can pack up a year’s worth of shit in about 12 hours.

Mom eventually calls me again, mostly just to tell me “yeah you need to pack up and get back tonight, your roommate can grab the 1-2 bins remaining.” And she refuses to listen to me saying “hey, it’s a solid 2 loads in my car, it’s not gonna be 1-2 bins” “But it fit all in your first car!” “My first car was a fuckin beast, literally the largest car in the lot freshman year. Fred is definitely shorter, definitely less trunk space, etc.” “Well Y can get the last few bins.” “It’s a lot of stuff!” “It won’t be that much” JUST FUCKING LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT FFS

I was so stressed and crying that huggin friend stole my phone when I was texting my boyfriend, and had him call me so I could maybe stop crying. I miss my boy. Hearing him was good tho.

I’m packing up my stuff in the bathroom when I remember. I store my empty bins at my brother’s place (2 hrs north). I double check with him and call my mom back “I can’t leave tomorrow. It’s too much to pack, and some of my bins are at Brother’s.” Despite all this, despite me literally breaking down and crying on the phone, she refuses to listen, to give me an extra day, to bring half my stuff up to my brother’s (and therefore eliminate most of the need to have my roommate take my stuff) and grab my extra bins. Nope, gotta get out.

I was staring at my room, halfheartedly packing and trying to figure out, and just sobbing out loud. I thought remaining roommate was gone at dinner, otherwise I would have tried to be quiet. But she had gotten back without me noticing, and when she poked her head in, I couldn’t do it anymore and just kinda. Fell to the ground crying and apologizing. She’s a such a sweetheart and I feel bad for probably worrying her (and possibly waking her up in the middle of the night with packing noises)

I texted my roommate about this. She basically said, “Wtf, what she’s asking isn’t possible.”

Same thing from my boyfriend.

My mom kept texting me, asking how things were going, basically ignoring my subtle requests for more fucking time. At one point she said “Hang in there”. I sent a screenshot of that to my roommate and boyfriend and asked, “Is murder acceptable?” Roommate said a solid yes. Boyfriend offered to let me live with him. (cept 2 hour parking and I already got one ticket from that :P)

Mom texted around 10 pm, asking if things were fitting in the car. I wasn’t even remotely to the point of packing the car. I was basically at break number 2 of mandatory “sit down, have something to eat, and rehydrate after crying so damn much”. I think I had one bin completely done (out of what ended up being like. 6 bins? plus assorted bags n stuff) and was mostly done packing my clothes, but like. slow going. Especially when packing is stressful and you keep getting overwhelmed woot woot

I put off a fair number of things bc of panicking about time and simple emotional capability to do so. Sorting out my dishes, unlofting my bed, grabbing my band shit from the music hall across campus.

At some point in the night, I had to lay down, because my body decided “hey, you know what would be great right now? Period cramps, minus the blood.” Which, thank fuck minus the blood, but also it meant I had to spend a solid half hour/hour out of commission bc it hurt so damn much to walk around and try to pack. But I had to keep going, even though the pain came back when I stood up again.

Mom texted me at 7 am if I’m awake. I hadn’t slept.

We have housekeepers, and they got there around when I was finishing loading up. I stopped and chatted for a bit (nobody had told them what was going on), and nearly started crying again because it was just so damn shitty. Everything’s so damn shitty.

So I got on the road at about 8 am, and get to driving for a bit, but about 1.5 hours in I’m doing bad. I can barely keep focused, despite drinking probably half a bottle of Mt. Dew by this point, so I pull into a rest stop and text my mom “Hey, I forgot my shampoo/conditioner/toothbrush stuff, and also I don’t think I can get home safe.”

Does my mother tell me to take a nap in that rest stop? Nope Does she tell me to find a hotel or motel there and take a nap/sleep and try again tomorrow? Nope Does she tell me I can go back to school, sleep through the day, and try again tomorrow? Ha ha fucking ha.

Nope. She calls me, and proceeds to tell me to keep driving, and that she’s going to stay on the phone with me so I don’t fall asleep.

I yelled at her quite a few times, when she was being fucking stupid about all this shit. She had the fucking gall to be pissed that I pulled an all nighter, when that’s what was fucking necessary to meet her stupid fucking deadline.

At one point, I made a new driving playlist so hopefully it would keep me awake better while I wasn’t on the phone (being serenaded... awake? by the lovely voice of Tilian lel (lots of DGD and his solo work on that playlist. Also ATL. Fuck yeah ATL. anywho)). And right after I made that, she ended up calling me before I was driving yet, and I rejected it bc I really wanted to finish my text to the dear bf, and then I started driving, thinking she’d call me back and chew me out for ignoring her, but surprisingly nope. So I just jam out for a bit, and eventually start yelling at myself bc of dumb writing ideas (the original story rewrite... lol) and I end up texting my roommate (while driving... shh) “Hey, feel free to call me if you want to hear me ramble on about writing” So after a short phone call from mum where she hung up to let me drive through a city, roommate calls, and I end up spending the last few hours of my drive rambling at her and mutually bitching about the shitty situation this leaves us in.

When I get home, my dad (a doctor) is wearing a mask, apparently at my mother’s request. He also mentions that we probably shouldn’t be in the same room, according to her. I am also forced to strip everything and shower basically immediately. K, fine, I do so, Dad makes me dinner (despite Mom’s probable disapproval), and I stay awake just long enough to toss my laundry in the dryer. It was a close thing tho. I nearly fell asleep waiting for the washer to finish. And so I pass out at 8 pm central time (9 pm eastern)

Mom, during all this, has fucked off Up North to our cabin, my final destination.

Wednesday, Mom makes me leave our place in the Cities at 11 am to get up before weather gets worse and all that jazz. Once here, I’m allowed freedom for as long as it takes to help mother move shit so I can fit my car inside a garage, then I take the bare minimum inside (my electronics, stuff that would explode if frozen (like pop (and my Smirnoff Ices shh)), travel toothbrush I somehow have and hairbrush), and I’m immediately quarantined to my room and the bathroom down the hall.

So here I fucking am. Bored as shit and pissed the hell off

I needed more time. But no fucking way Mom was going to let that happen.

I could have gone up to my brother’s. But noooo I had to come all the fucking way home, only to be shoved in a room for two weeks.

I could have taken care of all/most of my shit by my fucking self (dishes are debatable, would need basically the whole apartment to sort those out), but nope, can’t take enough time to take a trip up to my brother’s apartment 2 hours away, no way.

Nope, instead I have to suffer a panic attack for basically 16 hours, then nearly kill myself driving, because I can’t stay one fucking day more, because I have to get my ass up here just to be basically shoved in a room and left alone for 2 goddamned weeks. Nope. Can’t fucking make sure that moving out, usually stressful on its own, is as calm as we can make it in these trying times. Nope. Gotta just fucking nearly kill the kiddo instead to comply with my stupid whims because I can’t fucking listen

I’m pissed.

Especially since I was almost 100% sure I was gonna block her everywhere and go full no contact with this bitch after college.

But now I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future! Yay! Can’t see that going badly!

(I’ve already texted the anonymemers to call me so I don’t go crazy and actually punch her. We’ll see how that goes. The desire has been kinda strong all afternoon.)

Fuck

This

Shit

#rant blog status: reinstated

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