#Abusive family

[one-abuse-survivor]

Abusers have human sides to them too.

When abuse, whether real or fictional, is talked about in media, one of two things usually happens. The abuser is either completely dehumanised and painted as an evil caricature, or given a tragic backstory that makes the victim feel so sorry for their abuser they end up forgiving them.

And I think this is part of why it can be so hard to believe we ourselves are going through abuse. Because when it's you going through it, you see the human side of your abuser too. You see them cry, and laugh, and overcome adversity, and be vulnerable, and feel scared and small. You see them struggle and you see them genuinely try to spend quality time with you, and you see them show the ways they love you. Sometimes, you can even see that they mean it when they say they love you.

And because we've been taught that "actual" abusers are all bad, heartless, merciless, and lacking in humanity, and everyone else is just a suffering person who hurt others because they were hurting inside, we think what we're going through can't possibly be abuse. We think we're exaggerating, or being weak, or selfish. We punish ourselves for not being more understanding of what they're going through. We convince ourselves we're making it all up and we're the monsters in our own story.

But we're not. We're just not used to acknowledging that abusers are human, and that their humanity does not negate their abuse.

If you've ever questioned your abuse because your abuser was struggling, or genuinely loved you, or was trying their best, or expressed conflicting emotions, or was abused themselves, this post is for you. I believe you. I believe what happened to you was abuse. Their circumstances did not justify their actions.

I believe you, and you are not alone.

#Abuse #Abuse tw #Abuse survivor #Abuse victim #abusive relationship #Abusive parents #Abusive family #Abusive partner #Abuse recovery #I know media does get it right many times #But not enough of them (in my personal opinion) considering how *wired* abuse victims are to believe they're not actually being abused #And if I see one more story where the victim is basically forced to empathise with their abuser and forgive and help them I WILL SCREAM

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusive fathers will make it clear they don't care if you live or die but you WILL do as you're told and abusive mothers will make you feel like you're the worst thing thats ever happened to them and every single bit of misery in their life and everyone's life in general is personally your fault, and also you look despicable

#abusive mothers #abusive fathers #child abuse #different styles of parental abuse #can be in reverse too this is just in general #abusive family #toxic parents

[profoundbondfanfic]

The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man by orphan_account Rating: Mature Word Count: 87k

After Park Ranger Cas Novak saves a mysterious stranger named Dean from an attempted murder in the woods, he finds himself drawn into the man's secretive life. Someone tried to kill Dean, but he's not telling who. In fact, he's barely speaking at all. If he's going to have any hope of helping Dean, Cas will have to convince the man to trust him — all while trying not to fall in love with him along the way.

From the start, a hint of the supernatural offers readers a mystery that takes twists and turns you'll never expect. Dean is found by Park Ranger Castiel hanging from a tree. It's suspected to be a suicide, and since when Dean recovers, he won't speak, no one knows that it was actually his father who hung him by force.

Dean is terrified, damaged, and has so many trust issues it would take the most patient person in the universe to wade through them. Fortunately, Cas is the most patient person in the universe.

Dean slowly comes out of his shell the longer he's with Castiel, beginning to speak a word or two but only to Cas, and doing some mechanic and general work at the park ranger's station. Bobby, the lead park ranger, takes a special interest in him, giving him work and even paying him a little under the table since no one knows exactly who Dean is.

But when his father is spotted searching for him, Dean tries to run, coming back to Cas only with the promise of safety and protection. But when the truth about Dean's origins comes to the surface it's darker than Castiel could have ever imagined.

As their feelings grow, Dean and Cas find comfort in each other as the rest of the world unravels around them. A gorgeous story of love, hope, and survival.

#destiel #fic rec #mature #50k to 100k #au #modern setting #domestic #hurt and comfort #mute #hurt!dean #soft!dean #strangers to lovers #slow burn #protective!castiel #abusive family #ptsd #The Hanged Man #Author: orphan_account

[traumatizedjaguar]

#traumacore #traumacore edit #ventcore #tw cocsa #traumatizedjaguar #tw parental abuse #abusive parents #abusive family #child abuse

[livininaburninghouse]

It is a valid response.

#childhood trauma #toxic family #abusive family #abusive household #abusive dad #abusive parents #abusive mother #abuse survivor #abusive survivors #physical abuse #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #tw parental abuse #tw abuse

[healingchildhoodtrauma]

#inner child healing #reparenting #healing childhood trauma #healing childhood abuse #healing from narcissistic abuse #abusive family

[kingoftheu]

This should not be funny.

But by God it is.

#dropout #very important people #college humor #dropout tv #vic michaelis #content warning #abuse #emotional abuse #physical abuse #abusive family comedy #abusive family #comedy #humor #dark humor #the contrast between the trigger warning and the episode length #is just so funny.

[emmmsie]

After being in an abusive relationship for so long, being manipulated, losing every bit of last spark I ever had- I’m finally starting to feel better about myself and I’m getting my confidence back 💜 wanted to share these 🥲

#selfie #selfies #self love #self healing #self improvement #domestic #domv #abusive family #abusiveboyfriend #confidence #confident #healing #happy #feeling better #emily #me #mine #pictures #love your flaws #love yourself #strong #stronger #better

[wastedchildhood]

apologies mean nothing to me. you’ll never change.

#ok to rb #ptsd #trauma #actuallytraumatized #vent #abuse #abuse survivor #mental illness #actually mentally ill #toxic ex #csa vent #abusive ex #abusive copycat #abusive relationship #abusive family

[theartofeverything]

Alrighty y’all, Mutant Mayhem spoilers ahead

There was a gosh darn lot I loved about this movie the soundtrack and animation were fantastic, the turtles were hilarious, and the emotions were strikingly realistic. Out of all the beautiful details in this masterpiece though, the thing that stands out to me the most is the significance of Superfly.

There was a line during the chase scene where the turtles are trying to get away with the last piece of the doomsday machine that made my blood run cold. Wingnut is trying to convince them to change their minds and surrender the piece. “Just turn it over before Superfly gets here because when he does he’s not going to be nice about it.” (Dang I really wish the script was available so I could get the exact wording, but this was the gist of it) Donnie replies that she’s already not being nice and her response is “Trust me, Superfly’s going to be a lot less nice.”

There was fear in her voice.

She’s flying in front of them, frantically trying to get them to give up before it’s too late because she’s terrified of her older brother and what he’ll do to them.

A lot of things all start clicking into place after that. Superfly had to raise his siblings on his own in a hostile world. His response to all that fear and hate was violence. None of his siblings were ever really on board with his grand genocidal plan but they went along with it because he told them it was the only way they’d be safe and accepted.

From the way he tries to intimidate and manipulate the kid turtles he supposedly just accepted as cousins, (“you’re not as cool as I thought you were.” ‘If you try to go against me I’ll have to kill you’) to little lines like Rocksteady figuring out that maybe Superfly is the reason he’s always angry, to the big central line that makes Splinter question his parenting choices (“my way is the only way you can be safe and happy”), Superfly has all the hallmarks of an abusive caregiver.

In light of that, the rest of the story takes on a lot more meaning. His younger siblings didn’t want to follow in his footsteps but they went allong with it because they had nowhere else to go, not until the turtles offered them a new home and a new family.

Seeing the whole community of New York come together to help this newly formed family and fight Superfly after that nearly brought me to tears.

This is something I need to see so badly in the real world. We need safe places for kids to go when the people they depend on to survive are hurting them. We need people willing to love and protect them. We need communities working together to support them.

I would have given anything for that kind of chance as a kid.

Thank you Mutant Mayhem for showing us what a happy ending looks like in those kind of situations. I hope the world will learn a thing or two.

#mutant mayhem #tmnt mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem spoilers #superfly #mutant mayhem Superfly #mutant mayhem analysis #movie analysis #abuse mention #abusive family #tw abuse #emotional abuse #abuse survivor #child abuse #abuse cw #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt superfly

[amoxicillin-tangent]

how to leave a cult & stay out (long post)

i know this isn't my usual brand, but i felt the need to make this post given the fact that my poetry journey started as an exploration of emotions after i left the cult i was in. i know a lot of my followers initially followed me for that content, and i wanted to write this in case anyone needs it.

some background: the cult i left was a small evangelical patriarchal cult with a commune-type living situation. i am afab, with little to no family support and no college experience. i live in the US. i have no experience with anything outside this situation, and thus, my advice will not be universal. however, i've left and stayed out of my cult for nearly a year, and i wanted to share what i learned. i remember wishing i'd had a post or a book or anything to help me know what to expect, so here's what i've gathered so far!

tws: religious abuse discussion and addiction/nicotine mentions

leaving (logistics)

work

my ability to logistically and financially separate from my cult stemmed largely from the fact that i had work outside the commune & their sphere. my first attempt to leave was thwarted simply by the fact that, at that time, i worked with other 4 cult members and had no ability to seek outside employment without raising suspicion.

however, i was able to gain permission to seek external employment under the premise that i would be able to tithe more, and that i felt this was "the direction i was being led in." i am aware that this is not the case for every cult. in fact, after i left, it essentially stopped being the case for mine either. however, if at all possible, gaining external employment is key.

if you cannot seek external employment, save every single penny you can [in cash if they check your bank statements], and submit job applications a couple weeks or so before you leave. do not be afraid to quit a job that the members have some access to in order to be in a safer situation, because that mentality will keep you tied there for longer. a script for asking your manager not to penalize you for a sudden exit would look something like this (presuming the managers were not also members or leaders of the cult):

"hello X,

i am experiencing some unforeseen circumstances and leaving a dangerous [complicated, difficult, etc.] situation. my last day will be [day before you plan on leaving the cult]. i understand that this is not a full two-weeks-notice, but due to this circumstance, i am asking for understanding. please keep this confidential, as it would threaten my safety if others knew about this."

if you don't trust your management not to blab, ask for answers from other members, or even just accidentally let something slip, it is acceptable to quit the day you leave. it's better to have a rough patch on your resume than to spend the rest of your life in a cult, and in all honesty, it doesn't really matter much anyways. a gap in your resume can easily be explained away as time spent caring for a family member or staying safe in the current pandemic, and quitting under "unfavorable circumstances" still bodes significantly better than being fired. this is, of course, all worst case scenario. most managers will be understanding.

having another job lined up immediately after leaving will also prevent a great deal of problems with this. job interviews can be completed virtually from a coffee shop you know they wouldn't visit, or the house of a safe friend or family member. in the middle of this post is a list of excuses you could use to step out for a job interview, and if that's not possible: while you're PIMO [physically in, mentally out, a term for still being present in the cult but having the desire and plan to leave] you can schedule your job interviews in advance for the days/weeks after your planned date of leaving the cult.

social life

let me start with this: your friends from before are your greatest asset. they do not hate you. they will believe you. chances are higher than not that they saw the warning signs before you ever did. i can guarantee you a vast majority of them have been waiting for a phone call from you since the day you joined saying that you planned on leaving.

if your family was not abusive, toxic, manipulative, or connected in any way to your cult, they can also be an asset. however, tread carefully with this. you don't want to hop out of the fire and into the frying pan, so to speak. moving out of a commune and back into an abusive parent's house can cause more trauma in the long run.

if there is any sphere where you can connect with people that your cult does not have access to, utilize it. i found friends online, at work, and through mutual friends of people i had met before i joined the cult. even if you work with other cult members, if there are any non-members in your workplace, you can still make an effort to befriend them. if questioned by your cult, you're just trying to convert them.

being friends with someone doesn't mean you have to confess every detail of your plan to leave. you don't even have to mention your plans. friends can be a safety net even if they don't know what you're going through. choose carefully who to trust, but don't shut everyone out either.

housing

if you live with your cult, finding housing is an immediate priority.

the biggest mistake i ever made was my refusal to couch surf for fear of being kicked out or "becoming a burden."

your friends aren't nearly as troubled by you as your cult would have you believe. in fact, to this day, if a member of the cult i left were to come to my door asking for refuge, i would open my home to them without a question. your friends would rather see you on their couch or in their spare bedroom for a month than ever watch you go back to the place you left.

the first time i ever left my cult, i went back because i feared i was burdening the friend i was staying with. it wasn't until she called me sobbing that i finally realized that i wasn't the burden; my absence was the burden. taking up space is not a crime. no matter how much the cult tells you otherwise.

if you can't immediately find an apartment due to credit issues, age, income thresholds, etc, extended stay hotels are an option if you have no friends to stay with. the price ends up being equivalent to the cost of room & bills at an apartment anyways. this is a temporary option, during which you can take the following (vaguely unethical but often necessary) measures to hopefully secure a more permanent situation:

find a friend who's good at photoshop and invent some pay statements. [if possible, try to make them from scratch based off an existing pay stub of yours. landlords, especially of large apartment complex chains, recognize the common templates.]

you might have better luck getting approved [and/or getting away with forged paystubs] at a smaller apartment complex, specifically the ones you can't find on google. you may have to drive around and physically look for these complexes.

look up second-chance apartments

apply for any and all government aid you may be eligible for

work overtime or a second job to make your pay stubs appear greater. this is a temporary measure only; stressful, but worthwhile in the long run.

look on roommate-finding websites! a lot of people won't require credit checks, formalities, etc. a horrible roommate is still generally less of a pain in the ass than, oh, i don't know, 12 horrible roommates who are watching your every move and reporting back to the people in charge.

look for subleasing situations on websites like Craigslist as a last resort. take precautions, don't meet anyone alone, etc.

https://www.apartments.com/ ^here's the website i used to find my apartment before i left. it has a lot of good filters. delete your browsing history afterwards.

if you don't live with your cult, the moment you separate, you should file and enforce a restraining order if you feel even the slightest bit comfortable doing so and consider changing apartments within your unit, moving houses if feasible, etc. invest in an alarm system, a vicious-looking animal, a deadbolt, all the security measures you would take if you were being stalked. which brings us to our next point.

privacy

if they're monitoring your bank accounts, open another one in secret if possible or keep as much money as you can on a Pay-pal card, Visa card, etc. funnel as much money as you can into these accounts without arousing suspicion. the moment you leave, immediately cancel any account they may have access to and withdraw all money from it.

keep any incriminating items in your bra and/or undergarments. at all times. this includes vital documents [social security card, birth certificate, etc.], cash that you're hoarding without their knowledge [gross but necessary, keep it in a ziploc and sanitize it with a lysol wipe], etc.

have all mail that would reveal your escape plans sent to non-member friends or a P.O. box.

the day you leave, inform HR at work that your presence in the building should not be disclosed to anyone. change shifts if you can, park your vehicle elsewhere and uber from close parking lots to your building, or take steps to make your vehicle unrecognizable (remove telltale stickers, add new stickers with topics you have no interest in, add new rearview mirror hangy thingies, even remove seat or steering wheel covers if you have to. they might remember your license plate, but at very least your car wouldn't be initially recognizable.

if they have access to your location, do not turn this off until the moment you leave. when you do, do so quickly and on every possible platform. this should coincide with password changes for any account that can be used to trace you (email, Google location history, maps, apple/icloud, Find my IPhone, Life360, Airtags, bank accounts [use cash until the account is cancelled if they know about it], vehicle GPS)

if you have an IPhone, you will automatically be alerted if an unfamiliar Airtag is following your location. If you have an Android device, download "Airguard" or a similar app which will serve the same purpose. at very least, this will give you peace of mind.

a burner phone is an absolute necessity. you can find them at walmart and the combined cost of the phone and prepaid card is usually less than $100 [USD].

clear your browser history. change contact names of all non-member contacts to the name of someone you're in the cult with and delete the texts. people hardly ever check phone numbers if the contact name isn't suspicious to begin with. add parentheses beside contact names with [deceptive] information about who they are.

example: i had a non-member friend saved as "Karen (Boss at Amazon)" in my phone. that way if i got a call, i could play it off as a work call and step away.

packing/preparing to leave

lie and tell them you're organizing things. this is a GREAT excuse to have everything you own in pre-packed storage bins. under the bed is a good location to keep things. the less you act like you're trying to hide what you're doing, the better.

keep clothes on hangers for easy access. when you're packing to leave [presuming you can do so in secret], just grab them off the hangers and shove them into trash bags. don't worry about neat. just find a place to put shit and haul ass.

it's okay to steal shit but don't steal anything valuable at all or anything terribly noticeable. the last thing you want is them having evidence for legal recourse against you.

if there's food, take food. i lived off a tupperware full of chicken salad i stole from the cult for a solid 4 days. bring medicine with you regardless of whether or not you "have a good immune system". even if you don't think you'll need it, you'll need it, i promise.

it's better to leave everything and get out with your freedom than take all you own and get caught. that being said, if you have a feasible way of taking everything, do that. the last thing you want is to be so financially fucked that you feel like your only hope is to go back to them. [it is NOT.]

if you need to relay information to a non-member contact in a safe and private manner while with people, have them call you and pretend to be a business. for example, i had my secret debit card mailed to a friend, and i had her call me pretending to be the bank and read me off the number so i could put it in my apple pay. this could also work as far as pretending to talk to your boss or coworker [i.e. "Yes, I can take that shift starting at 10am" = "Yes, I will meet you at X location at 10am", etc.]

playing it off/excuses to be gone for apartment hunting or other leaving-related matters

doctors' appointments

[a minor medical issue or procedure can be a really good way to get out repeatedly if your cult allows access to medical care. i only know this because i had a real, diagnosed ovarian cyst but i proceeded to make up several appointments for it that were actually apartment complex visits, so.]

illness

[make this season-appropriate and believable. flu in winter and spring and late fall only. don't do COVID unless you can realistically forge a rapid test and trust that they won't make you prove it with a PCR. i don't advocate lying in any other circumstance, but once again, this is not an ethics class. cults play dirty, so can we.

promotion at work/added responsibility

[only works for so long before they try to make you quit the job, but it can make a good excuse in the interim]

car troubles

[visits "to the mechanic"=time out of the house. "car overheated/flat tire/locked out of my car/lost my keys"=good excuse for being late to events/being gone longer than expected]

ill family member

can give you two or three days to "be out of town" if needed, and/or time to go "see them in the hospital" or "care for them" over the course of a few weeks, especially for a chronic issue or an injury that would render them unable to walk and thus in need of consistent care.

[no, this will not bring a curse on your family or "manifest itself," that's magical thinking. if you argue about this in my notes on a post meant for cult escapees who are already struggling with religious trauma i'm reporting you <3]

leaving

pretending to be "late" to a church service is a good tactic if the services aren't held in the same area as where you're living. i told them i was running late from work and in reality i was at the commune house away from the service throwing all my shit in my car.

the second time, they had already caught onto that trick and started driving me to services directly so i wouldn't have a chance to leave. if this is the case for you, 3am is generally a great time to leave. usually night owls go to bed around 2am and early risers get up around 6am, so 3am leaves you with 3 hours to gtfo and an hour of buffer in case anyone stayed up late.

i was living in a room with four other women, so i had to be very, very skilled as far as not waking anyone goes. think critically about your roommates' sleep habits if this is the case for you in your cult. i made sure to walk closer to the bed of the heavy sleeper.

walk barefoot if taking the "middle of the night escape" approach. even if it's cold. if there's snow, you may have to keep your shoes by the front door/window you're escaping from if you're having to make several trips back and forth. wear non-slip socks if you must wear socks. if the socks get wet, take them off. a great way to attract attention is by leaving footprints everywhere, or by busting your ass and getting caught because a lamp broke.

a great excuse for being up late to leave is that you're feeling sick to your stomach and need to be close to the bathroom. fake a v*miting episode if you have to.

don't leave letters. don't send goodbye texts. leave some stuff behind if you can, especially blankets and the like to make it look less empty in your living space. my cult didn't even realize i was gone until 12 hours after i left because they thought i'd just gone to work. that's 12 hours of time where i wasn't being looked for, which made me a whole lot harder to find.

block EVERYONE. as soon as you possibly can. once you're out of the direct cult location, pull off into a safe place where you won't be immediately found and block anyone who is directly there or who could be persuaded into attempting to contact you on their behalf.

after leaving

try not to be alone, if you can help it. now's not the time for self-work. if you know loneliness might trigger the desire to go back, don't get lonely. hang out with friends all the time, go to clubs [responsibly and safely], take extra shifts at work if you can. try to hang out with your coworkers, i think like 80% of my friends back then were people i worked with. they might not be the best friends you ever had, but this isn't about making forever connections. it's about not going insane from loneliness.

online friends are also great! i had/have quite a few who helped me immensely in the months after i left. if you're the kind of person to stay up late when none of your other friends irl are awake, online friends with opposite time schedules are *chefs kiss* lovely. join discord servers for your interests if you aren't sure where to start with, but some discord servers can be toxic asf so don't be afraid to abandon a groupchat if it's too much.

don't pick up habits if you can help it. one habit turns into a million, especially when you're this vulnerable. i smoked a single cigarette as an act of rebellion and two years later my nicotine addiction can be directly traced back to me self-medicating my anxiety.

that being said. and i am toeing the line heavily between realistic and ethical here. but. if i had to choose between staying in the cult or having a nicotine addiction, i'd choose the addiction. i can break an addiction without having to change my account and routing number, soooo. yeah. take that as you will.

post-cult agoraphobia is real. don't feel guilty if it's hard to leave the house at first. grocery delivery is an option. grocery pickup is an option. uber eats is a thing that exists. you'll find your safe places & start to feel less threatened, over time.

idk if this will help anyone else, but i personally benefitted greatly from making a comprehensive list of shit they told me not to do and doing it anyways. please do not endanger yourself in this process, but. fuck it! i dyed my hair purple. i did a shitty job, but it made me happy. i kissed an embarrassing number of people. i came out as a lesbian. i adopted a cat. i wrote a book. i found myself through losing the pieces of the cult until the pieces of me filed in and took their place.

if you can help it, try to avoid the physical location or even the city the cult is located in for awhile. i understand the morbid urge to keep visiting but don't, if you can help it.

nostalgia is a BITCH and a LIAR. that cult leader was not your replacement mother, she is a bitch. the other cult members are not your brothers and sisters, they are traumatized brainwashed individuals. don't try to save them, either. if they reach out to you for help that's one thing but now's not the time to be a martyr.

most importantly: breathe. i used to physically look at a clock and talk myself through every minute on the very bad nights. just "one more minute. i can survive one more minute." it's fun to watch it grow to two minutes, then five, then an hour, and eventually you realize you're not counting your survival in increments anymore, and then one day you realize you're thriving. but be nice to yourself in the interim. it's been two years for me and i just now don't feel like i'm drowning anymore.

please reach out if you need more advice/someone to talk to. you don't have to do this alone. i believe in you and you're gonna get out and stay out.

you will survive this. i promise.

#cult #ex cult #cult survivor #cult escapee #exvangelical #ex fundie #exmo tag #ex jw #ex jehovah's witness #domestic violence #escaping abuse #religious trauma #religious abuse #spiritual trauma #spiritual abuse #leaving abuse #abuse #abusive family #emotional abuse #if you have any other tips or advice feel free to add them in reblogs! the more the merrier #my experience is not universal and i understand this so more advice is always welcomed

[caseofthemorbs]

When you’re emotionally abused you become perceptive. You know people well because you have to know them well or else they might yell or throw things, not speak to you at all, or kick you out of the house. You pick up every like, dislike, facial expression, and piece of body language.

After a while people described me as thoughtful and considerate, but was I? I was perceptive for survival. It made my life easier, it gave me a sense of control where there was none.

I didn’t make my father’s favorite dessert because I wanted him to be happy because he deserved it. No, I did it because if he was happy then he was less likely to get angry.

I asked people if they were okay not because I was concerned for them, but because I was afraid of what they might do next. They look angry, is it something I did? They’re not talking, is this the silent treatment?

But it won’t always be like that. This part of my personality, where I pick up on everything? It will probably be here forever, but now it comes with less fear.

I made my fiancé’s favorite dinner because I love to see the joy on his face when he eats it. I bought my best friend the perfect gift because I want her to know I appreciate her. I ask my sister if she’s okay because I want her to know I’m always here for her.

I was afraid, but no longer.

#emotional abuse #toxic relationship #domestic abuse #familial abuse #abuse recovery #people pleaser #abuse survivor #emotion perception #abusive family

[furiousgoldfish]

the hostile atmosphere when you're feeling good about something but none of your family members think you deserve to feel good

#child abuse #abusive family #toxic family #abuse #psychological abuse #they'll come at you and try to deride or erase whatever you did that made you feel good #attack it from all sides just to make you miserable again

[oasisr]

I really believe that my entire family has NPD at this point. And, everyone needs therapy.

My brother borrowed my mom's car last night. This morning, our enabler mom and I went in the car to go get coffee.

I immediately noticed that the car stunk. It had a horrible smell.

I found red solo cups in the passenger seat, and mom found fast food bags in the back seat.

My brother had taken his daughters and his girlfriend to get hamburgers, but they left the half eaten food in the car all night. It started to rot and smell odorous.

I told my mom that it was not okay that he let the girls trash the car, and that they should never be drinking and driving.

Mom said it's not a big deal and we should just go get coffee.

I said, "Aren't you going to call him and tell him that it's wrong? Why don't you have him clean the car?"

She said that I'm weird for being upset and that it's none of my business because it's not my car.

Last time my brother borrowed the car, there was a bottle of vodka in the passenger seat.

He has had two DUIs, and has had his license revoked.

I don't even understand why she would want him to drive the car in the first place.

She kept telling me over and over to mind my own business, and that drinking and driving isn't a big deal because she threw the trash away.

I told her that she could have lost her car if he were to get pulled over, plus his teenaged daughters were in the car too! (He also lets his daughters drink and smoke weed. That's a whole other story.)

I admit that my anger took over and I lost it. I started yelling at my mom to listen to me, and to stop saying that it's okay for him to drink and drive, and leave garbage in the car.

She kept saying it's not a big deal. I started screaming at her. I just couldn't keep calm. I felt like she had no common sense or common decency to stand up for him.

I can't understand why no one in the family has to face any consequences. But, if I say I don't agree with something because it's morally or legally wrong, then I'm the bad person.

I've been crying and hyperventilating all day long because she just seems so lost. My entire family is lost. I don't even know what to do anymore.

#dui #drinking #drinking and driving #narcissistic mother #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissist #narcissistic #abusive family #abusive mother #abusive brother #cptsd #c ptsd #npd #aspd #antisocial #narcissism #narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #narcissistic parents

[abusethings]

It’s No-Contact November, folks!

For anyone looking for that final straw or excuse to go no-contact with their abusive, toxic, and/or manipulative family, just know that you’ve already given them nearly unlimited chances to fix the problem. They’ve already proven time and again they won’t change.

This was one of the hardest things for me when I cut my family off years ago. I kept giving them another chance to change. I kept telling my therapist I was just “waiting for an excuse” to cut them off, waiting for that final blowout, something so ridiculous that I felt truly justified in going no-contact. My therapist said, “they’ve already given you an excuse…over and over and over again.” It seems obvious, but I realized she was right. You don’t have to keep waiting for that final blowout to end all blowouts. You have more than enough evidence that they won’t change and you’re justified in protecting yourself.

I ended up quietly cutting them off. I didn’t wait for a holiday fight, I didn’t wait for the latest ridiculous blowout. I realized I’d been so unhappy for years because of what they continuously put me through, I didn’t need any more evidence. It’s been some 4+ years, I think. I honestly forget when I cut them off because it just…doesn’t hang over me anymore.

This holiday season, give yourself the gift of peace. You deserve to not be torn down, to not leave holiday dinners in tears.

#no contact and no guilt #no contact #toxic #toxic parents #abusive family #abusive mother #abusive parents #abusive father #no contact November

[healingchildhoodtrauma]

They shouted me down, rattling my nervous system so much that my throat closed up...I got the message loud and clear...

They were able to stop me from speaking, but they could never stop me from writing.

Writing is how I protected my mind.

#abuse #childhood trauma #scapegoat #narcissistic family #dysfunctional family #black sheep #abusive family #abusive parents